#HOWEVER . consider this. he has older sibling guilt .and i forgive him for everything.

[aq2003]

i need to kill everyone in this room and then myself

[ignitification]

Cold Flame

Cold Flame

A brief explanation of how Rei and Shouto's evolution have to do with the return of Touya Todoroki.

tw: mentions of violence, mentions of suicide, mental illness

1.) I think these two panels tell a whole story of its own.Touya mentions how “The only thing he taught me was how to turn up the heat” referring to Endeavour. This sentence blatantly refers to the accident where Touya’s flames could not be stopped, because his strive to show his father that he is indeed someone to be proud of, has been ignited and then never shut down. Endeavour took Touya, lighted up the flames in Touya (both metaphorically, in his drive and strive to be a hero, and be his father’s hero - and literally, to bring out his fire quirk out while training), and then tossed Touya aside. Rei, on the other hand was not capable to stop him: whether this references to his training regimen, or to him chasing Endeavour, or even his dream is highly unclear - but the sole fact that Touya blames them both (because he feels like he has been bred for this goal, and Rei agreed to it, and then had not enough power to actually put an end to this nightmare) and he is partly right, because this has hurt more people than it was supposed to and that it was necessary. Rei does not know how to stop his kid from getting hurt, which is getting her hurt in return. In this panel, she looks frightened, offended, desperate to grab at Touya (who is silently and slowly slipping further away from her and her grasp) but she cannot. Now, I am not going to go further in this, because Rei not saving Touya is a partially incorrect statement, as yes, she could have done something if herself was not in a very bad place in the first place and if actually everything that happened between Endeavour and Touya did not hinder not only the relationship between Touya and Enji, but as well the one between Rei and Touya (as he see him rejecting her, because Touya knows why he had been born and probably has been influenced into thinking that his mother is weak, as she cannot fend for herself and just blindly accepted whatever Endeavour put in front of her, and not because she did not know any better, but because she did not know how).

2.) The jealousy an older sibling feels towards the newborn is completely normal, because the span of attention given to older siblings usually decreases. But here we are talking about two kids, breaded and raised to be vessels of their’s father dreams. This is an extreme scenario, where the competition between sibling is not about skills or quirk, but instead Touya sees it as a way to regain the lost affections/attention, which since Shouto has been born have never been sent towards him. And the fact that the birth of Shouto triggers in Touya’s the abysmal feeling of being a mistake, tells us that the parents did nothing to let him feel better, or to understand that it was not that way (even if arguably, Endeavour had other kids just because he wanted a perfect kid, which means that at the end of the day, he did consider Touya a mistake). And the fact that Touya was been willing to go this far, as far as to injure himself, as to emotionally condition himself into turning his flames from red to blue, is not only a sign of the mental pressure he put on himself and his emotions (always fuelled by that grating feeling of feeling less, worse, not right), but as well of the constant disappointment he felt when his father paid attention to him while scolding him, being angry at him, scowling and not making any effort. This angry, dark face is what shapes Dabi’s memories of Endeavour - an expression he wants to wipe out of his mind because it reminds him of not being the victim of shitty parenting, but of being considered a failure, worthy to burn to death,  alone.

And these two. 

2.5.) The ‘If only..’ hurts. Because this means not only that there was a chance that Touya did think about it, but he considered it then and there - because it was too much. Because even now, it is too much for him. Rethinking about all this moments is crucial for both Endeavour (who’s memory is definitely triggered into remembering gruelling details of his behaviour towards his children of when he was younger) and Dabi, who instead wonders whether the path he took, the decision he made all those years ago and that brought him there, was actually worth it. Because when Touya died, and Dabi was born on that hill when he was 13, he made the decision to take revenge and actually prove to his father that he is not a failure. He instead, is such a big mistake that Endeavour cannot cancel him anymore. Touya wanted desperately to be noticed for being right. Dabi wants desperately to be noticed because he is wrong, and a big mistake (which is also the result of Endeavour being his father and whatnot).

2.6.) And this. It’s the realisation that Endeavour is sowing the grief and pain of his oldest son, but it is also a realisation for Dabi: he took a decision, which he is sowing now (along with all the murders and the pain he himself inflicted). Memories which are more painful, and the fact that Dabi’s only comments on the accident is actually that it was scorching hot and that he couldn’t stop is very alarming and sad. He says nothing about how he felt. He just admits to the consequences of that gesture. He is not thinking of how much pain it was, or how sad he was, or anything else but just that this event was what made him into the person he is now, and there is no going back. He maybe thinks that things might have come out better if he actually had died that day. But he never talks of what is happening inside himself, because Dabi cannot allow himself such a weakness. And so, he feels nothing.

2.7.) These two panels (below) give me chills.They are so similar in the feeling they give up: desperation, realisation, hope, terrifying anger and sadness, elatedness in knowing that there is something to hang off, that maybe now the right moment has come. And it’s a sort of revival, a feeling brewing for so long and finally exploding in the hate, and the will to drag his father down in the mud with him.

3.) Rei's involvement, in Touya’s upbringing is a problematic topic for two reasons: she feels guilty about it, and her mental state which has been deteriorated by her family and her husband, does not allow her to even look for an excuse, as Endeavour did. Instead, Rei has been driven to a point where she just wants to let go. 

I think that here, Rei, plays a very big role: she is stuck between a husband she cannot take on by herself, and a child who wants nothing to do with her because of her actions (which are inherently caused by Endeavour). And her mental health further deteriorates. Rei looks distraught. I would say even fatigued, and weighted down by everything that is happening, and how she cannot and does not want to deal with it. 

In the hospital room, in Chapter 300, when she comes back and tells Endeavour that he is not the only to have suffered, she is not only referring to Touya, but to herself as well. I think it is important to note how the change happened. For both Shouto and Rei, Touya is a central button: after the accident, things escalated so much for Rei that she ended up in the hospital, Endeavour instead got the full time he wanted with Shouto (reversing his negative feelings, guilt, remorse and strive for his broken dream) into training. 

And the fact that in this moment, she chooses to let Touya go (metaphorically) is not only heartbreaking, but also reflects the anger in Endeavour’’s eyes who’s thinking line has to go along the lines of: ffs, I have to do everything around here (which I do not want to sound rude, comes off as misogynist, but as well disrespectful and just right arrogant). However, the fact that Rei here is weak, does not define her character and instead Touya coming back is exactly what she needs to step on her feet again, and transform this

into ‘I’m here now’ and I’m going to solve this situation. Because Rei is tired of the situation, of Endeavour and wallowing in Endeavour’s shadow. It is time for her to actually intervene like she should have done years ago, and save her kid (or at least, give Touya a forgiveness sort of goodbye, and maybe tell him that notwithstanding their mistakes, and the fact that he was born because of a Quirk Marriage, Touya was still loved).

4.) But then, Shouto's has always been aware of how bad the situation in his own home is. Him protecting his mom is greatly telling in this sense: Shouto, despite being as traumatised by his father’s behaviour as Natsuo and Fuyumi (who are older than him, and are also crying in this panel - because Endeavour is a very tall, and build man and he is the Head of the family, which is also probably why they know what is going on, and no matter how many times this happened, if one or twenty but there is no excuse for Endeavour scaring his children so much they feel the need to retract in themselves (as shown by Fuyumi’s position on the floor, and Natsuo trying to be shielded by his bigger sister) and to cry as silently as possible with the hope that the angry person does not notice them. Shouto, on the other hand, while also crying actually stands up to his father (as he continued doing til today) and despite the shouts, angry stare and all the burden that comes with parent’s argument, he still tries to protect his mother, because he knows that the dominance of Endeavour’ character is too much for Rei to take. Because Rei is tired. Look at her face. Look at her eyes and her general exhaustion. The panel of point 3 stands to identify that she cannot take anymore. And instead, Shouto plays the bigger person. Notwithstanding all the obstacles he has overcome (the hellish training manu, his father’s expectations, the burden left by Touya’s disappearance, his father’s ego and anger, his mum burning him, Rei’s hospitalisation, the scattered relationship with his siblings, his empty childhood), Shouto stands tall and proud, knowing what he has to do. 

I think that Shouto’s being the Hero of his own family, is a very important ‘part’ of not only the story, but as well for Shouto, who is evolving in character and setting the foundations for an individual whose past prejudices his future, and he has to resolve the plethora of things that he carries involuntarily with him, before possibly saying that he has achieved something, and that he became a Hero. I like how Horikoshi pointed slightly out that this whole drama, even if the protagonists are Touya and Endeavour, is not only the shaping path of Shouto, but as well his stepping stone for being a real hero (through the pits of fire which once again he has to do, in order to let go of the past, and instead his future, depicted in fire and ice).

[arvandus]

The Todoroki Family Arc: Dabi and Representation for Abuse Victims

Something I’d like to address regarding all of this Todoroki family discourse is the importance of representation for abuse victims, specifically when it comes to the topic of forgiveness.  Many of us who are victims of abuse aren’t willing to forgive our abusers, and there is nothing wrong with taking that stance.  The concept of forgiveness of abuse is an especially hard pill to swallow when that forgiveness is for the sake of the abuser and not the victim (i.e., in this case, forgiveness for the sake of Enji’s redemption arc).  So this makes the current Todoroki family/Endeavor redemption arc so incredibly difficult to read, as all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are either already willing to forgive (or on their way to forgiving) Enji's long-term, narcissistic abuse.

It’s true that in canon Enji has explicitly stated that he’s not asking for forgiveness and that his family members don’t have to forgive him.  Whether or not he truly understands what that means is up for debate (I’ve got a lot to say on Enji’s redemption arc, but that’ll be for another post).  But for the sake of this post, let’s state that he genuinely means it, which would be great as it shows an awareness on his part of how unforgivable his actions are.  This great and all, except the words lose their weight/significance when every single ‘normal’ family member is on track to forgive him.  It would hold much more weight to show he doesn’t get forgiven by everyone, which will require him to at least to some extent, live with the consequences of his actions (e.g., being alone/ostracized from some family members).

So, let’s go through the Todoroki family members who are in the process of forgiving, have already forgiven, or are on their way to forgiving Enji, and how I personally respond to their forgiveness. Of course, all of this will be heavily influenced by my personal opinions and personal experiences, however I think that’s fair – as a person who’s endured long-term childhood abuse from a parent, I’d hope that my opinions (and others like me) will have some weight in the conversation surrounding domestic violence, even within the context of fiction.

Rei:

Rei has shown signs of starting to forgive Endeavor as evidenced by defending him to her children.

I do appreciate that she states that she’s still too scared to see her husband, and that the doctor states it’s not a good idea.  That all makes perfect sense.  But the idea that she’s willing to give him a chance to redeem himself because he sends her flowers?  I absolutely cannot identify with this in any which way.  Her marriage was forced by Endeavor, her sole purpose to bear him cold/hot quirk children.  She may have later grown to love him, who knows; we do know she was willing at least have Fuyumi with him, since she suggested it… (although there is a lot to unpack around that too, which I’ll also save for a different post). Even if she did love Enji (and a part of her may still love him, as some of us may feel towards our abusers) she went through YEARS of abuse to the point that she had a psychotic break and had to be institutionalized.  To suggest that she’s willing to begin the road of forgiveness because he sends her flowers is just completely unrealistic, and I personally can’t identify with her at all (also, as a sidenote: if my abuser and the cause of my psychosis, who I’m too afraid to see, is sending me gifts, the last thing I would want would be to see those gifts displayed in my room as a constant reminder of them).

 Fuyumi:

It’s clear that Fuyumi is well on her way to forgiving her father (if she hasn’t done so already).

Fuyumi wants nothing more than to piece her family back together, which is entirely fine if that’s what she wants.  What bothers me however, is that she’s willing to do so by sweeping the family drama under the rug in an attempt at keeping the illusion of a healthy, loving family (i.e., one that’s not broken by abuse). Why can’t she have this happy family with her brothers and her mother?  Why does she feel the need to have Enji in that family picture, considering all he’s done to them?  Her whole “it would make your sister happy” is, in my opinion, guilt-tripping and selfish. I don’t think she’s a mean person, and she may not be aware that her behavior could be damaging.  But her motivations are clearly self-focused, as she’s not willing to address her family’s issues in a way that validates everyone’s feelings. She just wants everyone to ‘play nice.’

It’s this dismissive behavior, a willingness to overlook the harm of the abuser for the sake of trying to keep a semblance of normalcy when things clearly aren’t normal, that has me label her as an abuse apologist. It’s not intended to be malicious of course; I do think she believes she means well.  But how does ignoring the abuse her family endured help anyone?  Will this ever get addressed by Horikoshi?  TBH, I doubt it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.  But one thing is for sure, she’s definitely the most forgiving out of all of her siblings.

 Natsuo:

I love this guy.  Truly.  So far, he’s probably the MOST relatable for me…

Look at that.  Beautiful.  I love it. It’s everything I want.  He’s unforgiving, holding his long-time abusive father accountable (regardless of how good of a hero he is), while still being a good person (lookin’ at you, Dabi…) all in one breath.

SO… why am I including him in this? Natsuo so far seems to be holding out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi writes him in the direction of forgiveness, especially after this Dabi/Touya reveal. I feel like there’s already been hints at it, and it’s just a matter of time before he inevitably gets written as forgiving his father as well.

Here, you see his mother’s words getting into his head; he’s thinking heavily about what she’s said to him.  He doesn’t like the idea of his father looking for redemption, and holds his own disbelief around his father “trying to make sense of it all.”  But clearly he values his mother’s opinion on the matter, which will have an impact on his own views/beliefs.  Plus, the added pressure of seeing his other family members forgive his father will also have an impact on his stance, either by making him dig his heels in further in resistance, or by accepting their stance on it and as such be one step closer to forgiving Enji himself.

Here, he’s hearing Enji’s words and recalling Midoriya talking to Shouto earlier in the evening. He’s drawing a parallel between what it means to be a kind person and what it means to forgive. It’s followed up by his father’s confession of atonement, which clearly has an impact on Natsuo.  His experience here is visceral and entirely relatable; while Enji’s words may sound nice and genuine, it does little to assuage Natsuo of the painful memories he harbors and the damage that his father has caused over the years.

He’s still holding stubbornly onto his anger, unwilling to forgive… but the way it’s playing out, it’ll only be a matter of time. Maybe it’ll be yet another near-death experience for Endeavor, this time by Touya’s hand.  Or maybe he’ll feel that deep cut of betrayal from Touya/Dabi that makes him let go of his own anger/darkness in his heart out of a fear of letting it consume him the way it did his older brother.  Either way, I see it ending up there.  We don’t know for certain yet, of course… but my money is on Natsuo forgiving his father by the end, so I’m holding back on getting too attached.

 Shouto:

Shouto also seems to be becoming more open to forgiveness, despite all he’s gone through (and witnessed his mother go through). There’s a lot surrounding why this may be… perhaps it was watching the near-death experience of Enji in the battle with High-End… (which, hey, watching someone you care about nearly die, even if that person is your abuser, would be rough to watch).

Or watching his father be a badass hero (because let’s face it, Enji is an excellent fighter) that the public looks to for hope. Keep in mind, this happened after Enji had told Shouto he wanted to be worthy of the #1 position and  of being Shouto’s father; so Enji has just shown to Shouto that he’s (at least by Hero Society’s standards) worthy of being #1, and now he’s trying to make amends with his family (mm, check out that need for validation…).

 Clearly, Shouto is giving his father a chance to redeem himself.

And, of course, we have this page as well, which draws the comparison of being a kind person also being a forgiving person (which, quite frankly, isn’t true - you can definitely be a kind person and still not forgive someone who’s done long-term harm to you).  Regardless, it’s clearly being shown that Shouto is obviously heading into forgiveness.  Once again, the forgiveness itself isn’t bad… it’s how it’s being portrayed.  As someone who’s been abused by someone who’s supposed to take care of them and love them, I can say with certainty that you don’t really care that much about how good that person is at their job. It shouldn’t matter that Enji is a great hero; he’s always been a great hero (that’s why he was second only to All Might). What matters is how Enji is as a father, and it’s well established that he’s failed his entire family, by choice, for years. Shouto states as such to him, saying he’ll watch to see what kind of father he becomes.  But this follows immediately after the battle with High-End, which implies that Shouto is basing his willingness to forgive his father off of Enji’s heroics and public acceptance as the symbol of hope.  Why this would sway Shouto’s view of his father enough to consider forgiveness for years of physical and psychological damage escapes me.

Now, let’s be clear that forgiveness of an abuser isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly not an easy task.  Additionally, the decision to forgive hinges on a lot of things, including whether or not the abuser is worthy of forgiveness (i.e., are the crimes he’s committed against his family redeemable?  Is he truly genuinely feeling guilty about what he’s done? Does he understand the magnitude of what he’s done?  Is he acting selflessly, or is his quest for redemption rooted in selfishness (e.g., need for acceptance, a way to hold onto one’s power/importance within the family dynamic, etc.)?).   In many cases, especially cases where the abuse is long-term as it’s portrayed as being for the Todoroki family, and as mine was growing up, forgiveness isn’t really on the victim’s mind.  The damage done by the abuser is so long lasting, leaving a permanent imprint on how we think, act, and behave.  It shapes us, especially when it occurs in the formative years of childhood, affecting how we connect with others and how we view ourselves.

So, sharing a few contrite moments with the abuser (in this case, Enji) and seeing some positive situations (e.g., watching him kick ass on TV, be kind to his kids, etc.) do little to persuade me into forgiveness of a man who willingly, repeatedly, chose to abuse his family for at least a decade.  His abuse was physical, mental, and emotional.  Even if his desire for redemption is genuine, the quickness with which the good characters here begin to forgive him feels slightly forced for the sake of his redemption arc, and is therefore unrelatable.  And that is the crux of the issue.  Enji’s redemption should be just as much about the healing of his victims as it should be about him (if not more so).  However, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  So, what we get is a family portrayal that is in favor of the abuser.

So, all of the ��good’ Todorokis are working toward forgiveness of their abuser.  Great. So, where does that leave those of us who aren’t on board with forgiveness? Those of us who see our own abuse, our own history, within this story and are not (and will not) ever forgive our abuser for entirely reasonable and justifiable reasons? Where is our representation in a story that, for all intents and purposes, is meant to be about the ramifications of abuse (and by proxy, victims of abuse)?

Our only remaining choice?  Dabi, of course... the psychopath who’s bent on destroying his abuser’s life and the hero society that’s, in some ways, created and supported him.

I think a major reason Dabi is so loved by some of us is that we can identify with that anger, that need for retribution/justice.  Are all of us entirely on board with how Dabi has decided to go about this retribution by doing whatever it takes no matter who it hurts or what innocent lives are lost? No, of course not.  But in a story where we’re looking for a sense of justice, where the long-term serial abuser DOESN’T get to walk away free with his abused family still by his side/supporting him, what other options do we have?  He’s the ONLY ONE who seems to be willing to hold Enji accountable for what he’s done and who sees the hypocrisy in his position as a symbol of hope in contrast to who he has been behind closed doors with his family.  So THAT is what we’re defending when we defend Dabi.   We’re NOT defending his murders, or him attempting to kill his brother, or ANY of that.  We might understand where that darkness is coming from/what’s caused it and empathize with it, but we don’t EXCUSE it.

Now, obviously the story isn’t finished yet, so there’s no way to know for sure where Horikoshi will take this redemption arc. We don’t know if all of the family members really will forgive Endeavor or not, and if Enji will ever be fully welcomed into the family fold.  The airing of the Todoroki family’s dirty laundry and its impacts on shining a light on the cracks in hero society give me hope. Also, the diversity across the Todoroki family of how each person copes that that abuse is also well done. That’s why I’m still invested in this story, that’s why I’m still reading it. But we only have what we’ve been shown to go on, and at the moment, there are major aspects of this story that are lacking.  The diversity in how each family member handles their abuse and their relationship with their abuser starts to lose its impact when that diversity is gradually washed out in favor of universal forgiveness. 

Also, where the manga is currently at gives me concern about the kind of message this story is sending to its readers.  I often see others say: “it’s just fiction, relax.”  Yes, it is fiction.  And when we read fiction, we all search for a piece of ourselves within the story.  You can’t have a story that centers around domestic abuse and not have abuse victims gravitate towards it, hoping for accurate representation.  And most importantly, even though this is ‘just a story,’ what message is it sending when the only person not willing to excuse/forgive Enji is a psychopath who’s been driven insane by his father’s abuse (and possible by his family’s inability/unwillingness to address said abuse)?  What message does it send to abuse victims? What message does it send to those who have never experienced abuse and are learning about it through this fictional representation? To say that this isn’t relevant in a real-world way is inaccurate at best and damaging at worst; and even if it may not hold relevance for some within a real-world setting, for many of us it does and as such the implications and impacts of it should be respected, even if you may not agree with it.  In short, for some of us, this is personal.

Now, do I think that every family member should curse Enji into the sun?  No, as satisfying as that would be for me.  I’d be perfectly happy if some family members forgive and some don’t.  Why?  Because it’s realistic.  It makes sense, because it depends on each character’s unique, personal experiences. Some will forgive, some won’t, and some will continue to defend and provide excuses for said abuser – all of these positions within the abused family dynamic are real and exist.  I just wish BNHA would also allow a space for us abuse victims who aren’t willing to forgive – a space that isn’t villainized.

[thecursedhellblazer]

BASICS.

full name.  John Constantine pronunciation.  Con-stan-TINE (comics) / Con-stan-TEEN ( TV adaptations) nickname(s). Hellblazer, ConJob, The Laughing Magician, The World’s Greatest Con Man, El Diablo, Johnny boy (& all the possible variation of the latter) gender. Male height.   5′11″ age.  35-40 years old (verse dependent) zodiac.  Taurus spoken languages. English, some Spanish, some German, some Italian, Latin, Sanskrit, Egyptian language, Ancient Greek, Old Persian, some Enochian.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color. Dirty blond eye color. Blue (comics) / Brown (TV show) [I tend to go for the blue ones] skin tone.  Fair. body type.  Built. accent.  Heavy British accent (from the area of Liverpool specifically) voice. Often hoarse, the kind of voice you expect from a chain smoker. It goes from being really expressive to emotionless and cold, when he wants it to be. Also, accent. dominant hand.  Ambidextrous posture.  Mostly slouched, with shoulders falling slightly inwards. scars. Plenty. John’s body is littered with scars, both gained during his sparring with the hellish and the supernatural and self-inflicted (for spells, for the most, but not always). He has some marks gained in more “normal” circumstances, like bar/street fights or accidents. Some are light enough that will most likely disappear given the right time, but other are so deep and large that will remain as permanent mementos of the events that have firstly carved them on his skin. tattoos.  Several, spread all over his body (arms, chest, back, some of his legs too). They are almost (if not) all seals and symbols used in spells, protections, or at least have a magical meaning. birthmarks.  None most noticeable feature(s). The first things people tend to notice about him is how he dresses. His appearance is always messy. Clothes in a general state of disarray, mostly creased. Shirt half untucked and with the top buttons always popped open, tie never properly tied, dirty trench coat, cigarette tucked over his ear or somewhere else. However, the physical details tend to be quickly forgotten as soon as he opens his mouth and his flamboyant, pushy attitude comes out.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. Liverpool, England hometown. Liverpool, England first words. Either some random curse or ‘killer’, since that’s how his father has always addressed him. siblings. One stillborn twin, older sister (Cheryl) parents. Thomas Constantine (deceased) and Mary Anne Constantine (née Quinn, deceased) parental involvement. His mother died of childbirth, so he never met him. As for his father, he blamed Mary Anne’s death on John and quickly became an alcoholist and an abuser, towards both his children, even if John took most of it.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. Occult detective, Exorcist, Demonologist, Master of the Dark Arts, Magician, Conman, Gambler. Member of the Legends (verse dependant)   close friends / family. Chas Chandler. All the other people in John’s life come and go without ever truly staying. In LoT verse, the members of the crew. relationship status. Single / verse dependant. financial status. Depends on how much he has got out of others’ pockets through gambling, for the most. He manages, in general. driver’s license.  Never got one. He still knows how to drive, even if he prefers not to. criminal record.   John has ended up in prison several times, mostly for trespassing, stalking, violation of private properties, theft, possession of illegal substances/weapons, disturbing the peace, and so on. None of the accusations ever stuck, because he always found a way to get himself out of them (or someone to pay the bail for him). He has been accused of murder a few times too, but has never been condemned for it. Of course his earthly record pales compared to his “magical” one and to what Hell and a lot of demons consider him responsible for. He is fated to end up in the Pit for more than one reason.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. “Endless War” by Within Temptation or “Whisper” by Evanescence hobbies to pass time. John’s hobbies often connected to his chosen profession. He spends plenty of time researching the Occult or learning, creating and testing new spells. Aside from that, drinking can be considered a consistent part of his routine and he goes to clubs (when he is feeling like being among people), to drink and flirt (whether for fun or to find someone he can take home…or to any available place that can assure the necessary privacy for a sexual encounter). He also practises yoga and meditation with regularity. mental illnesses.   PTSD, Persistent Depressive Disorder, Guilt complex, Alcohol Use Disorder, Sleep Disorder of Arousal (Sleep Terrors), Tobacco Use Disorder. physical illnesses. Does being destined to develop lung cancer counts? left or right-brained.  Right-brained (mostly) self-confidence level.  Very confident of his abilities and knowledge, sometimes far too much, which leads him to make mistakes and miscalculate risks and dangers. All in all, however, he is conscious of his level of expertise and knows how to use it at the best of his capability. Things changes when it comes to be confident in himself as a person. With trauma and past mistakes he can’t forgive to himself, he mostly thinks of himself as worthless of anything good. His vision of the world and of himself is marked with a strong pessimism, which leads him to constantly see only the shadows, only the half empty glass, to constantly expect for the other shoe to drop. As much as he is trying to get himself out of Hell’s clutches, deep down he almost hopes that he will eventually fail, because he deserves an eternity of the worst torments and more.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. Pansexual. romantic orientation. Demiromantic. preferred emotional role.  submissive | dominant | switch preferred sexual role.  submissive | dominant | switch libido.  Fluctuating. At times he’s literally screw everything that moves (within certain limits) because it’s just another unhealthy coping mechanism, like drinking, and others he just isn’t in the mood, no matter who might threw themselves at him. turn on’s. Heated make out sessions, sharp humour, sarcasm, biting / scratching, quickness of mind, bantering, creative thinking, shows of power / strength (done without boasting), fighting (only with specific people). turn off’s. Know-it-all attitude, dull / boring / pushy / clingy / controlling people, discussing long-term relationships, too many questions about his past, anything connected to religion (God and Heaven in particular), lack of humour. love language. Acts of Service, Quality Time relationship tendencies. Getting attached is often not an option for John. When it comes to sex and romance, he more often goes for casual, because it’s safer and less complicated, and he isn’t one to fall fast for people. Most of his past relationships, especially the long-term ones, ended up badly. John’s lifestyle and choices more often than not make it impossible to stay that close to him. And he doesn’t make it any easier, as persuaded as he is that the relationship is doomed from the start. At times, however, it’s hard for him to push people away, both because, at the end of the day, he does need someone by his side, and because he ends up running into people who are quite stubborn when it comes to stick around him.

tagged by: @imthebatman tagging: (idk who likes to do super ass long memes, so don’t feel obliged to do it even if I tagged you! For multi-muses, feel free to pick whatever muse inspires you the most since this is a lot!) @perfectedingbadideas @exanxmo @theclownprnc @areswriites @protectxthem @mythsxndlegends @dwarfstaralloy​ @angelluxi​ @smoakinn​ - & anyone who wants to steal this !

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Kat!

You have been accepted for the role of GIDEON PREWETT! We really liked the layers you put into Gideon’s characterization, both within his work (a dark object expert who is presumed to be a mere paper-pusher, how lovely!) and his personal life. We’re looking forward to seeing how he builds relationships with both Fabian and others on the dash! We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: kat

AGE: 25

TIMEZONE: est

ACTIVITY LEVEL: about a 7 I try to get on every day at least once to get some replies done. With the whole quarantine thing I am around more often since school has been cancelled forever.

ANYTHING ELSE: nope! I just love this rp!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Gideon Prewett

AGE: 30

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY:

Gideon has always identified as a male and uses he/him pronouns. It never occurred to him to ever be anything else and he feels comfortable in his own skin. The only thing he may not be the most comfortable with is his sexuality. He’s bisexual and though he’s known it about himself most of his life he doesn’t go around telling people. It’s not to say that he’s ashamed of it he just doesn’t see the need to be very open about his romantic life in general. If he were to enter into a romantic relationship with a man he would treat it no differently than if he were to be with a woman. He is aware there might be some that less than accepting of it but what other’s have thought of him has never really been a major concern for him.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor. It was a natural choice. Fabian was sorted and right after he was too. They had always been together in their youth and they remained so in school. They were inseparable and if Gideon sometimes tried to get Fabian to switch places he would dare someone to prove it. He felt at home in Gryffindor. They were lively and brash and the comradery was something he lived for. Perhaps that was part of why he so easily joined the order. The brotherhood that he felt in his former house resonated in the order.

ANY CHANGES: nope he is perfect

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Gideon is a complex person. He holds his family above all else and believes they are worth everything. He would die for them and as much as he loves them he would have a hard time accepting that same kind of devotion from them. Though he followed Fabian into the order he has taken to it and held fiercely to his convictions during the war. He believes he is on the right side that the order is where he belongs but he also believes he can be contributing more to the order. That he could be more of a leader and lead them down the right paths. This puts him in a hard spot because he doesn’t want to make Fabian feel as if he’s being abandoned. However in the same thought he thinks Fabian is hiding things from him and that his twin is potentially going down the wrong path. As a child he was like a spot of sunshine. A dreamer but the older he’s gotten the more grounded and cynical he becomes. He still believes that people can live their dreams he just doesn’t believe that kind of life is an option for him anymore.

Gideon has always been the more steady and stable of the twins. He believes in thinking things through before acting on them. He isn’t the one to run head first into the unknown but once he decides something is the right thing to do he will stop at nothing until he sees it done. He is loyal almost to a fault and though he isn’t as bright as he used to be when he was a child he still maintains a friendly disposition and he does his best in all that he does.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Gideon grew up in a loving home. His parents raised him in a way that was not as elitist as the other pureblood families but there were definitely some of those pureblood traits that filtered into his family. He grew up on the outside of the truly elite but not exactly so outside that he was looked down on as much as those who weren’t of pure blood. He loved growing up with his brother and sister. As the oldest boy of the family he often felt it was his job to take charge of his siblings. From deciding which games they should play to telling them how they should live their lives. Though he often came off as bossy he still got on well with his siblings and he loved them more than anything.

Now he would give anything for either of his siblings and his nephews completely own his heart. He can’t imagine his life without them. That’s why it’s such a heart wrenching thing to know that he and Fabian have grown apart. He can’t look back and pinpoint an exact moment when they turned down different paths. They always used to walk down each new path of life together and he can’t see where they went wrong. He only knows that they did and he blames himself for it. Somewhere he got too busy to see what was right in front of him and if he can’t fix things with his twin he’ll never forgive himself. In these uncertain dangerous times it’s even more important to fix their relationship and yet it’s because of these times that he can’t seem to find his way back to Fabian.

OCCUPATION:

His job is to work for the ministry with dark objects. From handling them safely to identifying what they can do any confiscated dark objects are sent off to him and his colleagues to figure out everything about them. His job is dangerous and he knows one wrong move could have disastrous outcomes. He keeps a stable and cool head while at work and often can be found scribbling various notes and mumbling to himself about what he had observed. He considers himself good at his job and has unlocked the details about several hard to crack objects. He views each of them as a puzzle and he enjoys the work over all. The element of danger is enough to give him a little adrenaline kick in the most stressful moments of the job and the rest of the time he’s cool, calm, and collected.

He never reveals any information about the objects he handles to anyone outside of his department and even then it’s only to his superior. He doesn’t believe that the knowledge of all the dark objects the ministry keeps locked up should be out there for just anyone to know. He does however use his knowledge for the good of the order and the people around him as much as possible. Always ready to step in whenever a dark object pops up in their lives.

The wizarding world as a whole probably doesn’t spend much time considering his job at the ministry. As far as he can gather the general public upon hearing his job title normally think of him as a paper pusher. Which is fine with him. The less they know about his job the better. He does confide about his work in a few people. Fabian for the most part though lately he’s been more likely to speak to Edgar about his work. Things are off with his twin and he doesn’t know that speaking about his job would be helpful to him at the moment.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

The order is his second family. He can honestly say he cares for each member of it. Some more than others? Of course but he would die for each and every one of them. He takes his role with them seriously. Always ready to perform whatever task is assigned to him. Does he never question them? Of course he does. He isn’t a sheep after all. The leadership are all trustworthy but at times he finds they can be too rash. They doesn’t perhaps always think things through. He believes he can offer the inner circle some stability. Some other opinion that isn’t calling for action all the time but rather calling for observation. Calling for a calm that could benefit them all in the end. His role has gotten a bit more in depth with the order lately. Edgar seems to always be coming to him asking for advice. Asking him questions and he answers as best as he can. But with as much honesty as he can too. He doesn’t want to get into the inner circle with anything less than complete honestly. He’s hesitant though. Wondering how it will effect his relationship with his brother. He knows Fabian is the one who brought him to the order and he doesn’t want to hurt him but he believes his stable calm nature could do some good for the leadership in the order.

SURVIVAL:

Gideon has never been the best in a fight. He can duel when he needs to and he tries his best but his battle for survival has always been fought in the shadows. Like a game of cat and mouse that he’s always winning. At least he has been so far. He doesn’t believe himself to be in much danger in the general day to day of life. He isn’t anything but a paper pusher at the ministry to most people walking down the street. He’s survived everything else with carefully thought out plans and a little luck. Perhaps listening to those who might know better around him as well.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Ryland- All he can feel when he looks at the man now is guilt. He knows Ryland is hurt that it took the order so long to come rescue him and Gideon can offer him no excuses. They have a bond that even now he doesn’t believe is broken but things are strained. Gideon wants them to be easier. He feels as though he failed him but he feels even more that the order failed him. There’s something close to righteous anger over the entire situation and perhaps that’s another driving reason why he wants to be part of the inner circle. He can’t help but think that if he had been one of the ones making the decision that they might have gotten Ryland back sooner.

Fabian- His other half. The only person he would say knows him. Truly knows him. At least he used to. They used to know each other with one glance. Though things are different now. Things are strained in a way that neither will admit to. Weak laughs and half hearted smiles are becoming more and more often between them. There’s something off about his twin. Fabian is into something that he can’t quite put his finger on. He doesn’t know what’s going on with his twin but he wonders if somehow it’s his fault. If many him being tapped to join the inner circle could have caused this shift between them. Or was it simply something he missed when he was trying to keep everything else together.

Edgar- The man is considering him for the inner circle. He knows it. His opinion is asked for so much more now. Edgar wants to know his thoughts on things and Gideon is ready with the answers but they fall from his lips a bit more hesitantly than they normally would. He views Edgar as a rock. Someone who is trustworthy and steady. He admires those things about him. He even thinks he could learn some things from him. He could gain a bit more patience. A bit more even headedness if he were to spend a bit more time around him.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: First and foremost I ship Gideon/Chemistry. I am always up for some angst in the ship cause that is honestly my favorite thing. Ships that are just fluff just aren’t much fun. I would like to explore Gideon being involved with a male mainly because in my mind his only serious relationship has been with a girl and I think it would be fun to explore him being in different kinds of relationships.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

As for privileges he definitely has them. As a pureblood male even on the lower end of the pureblood totem pole he never really had to face much prejudice against himself. Though he is a bloodtraitor now and therefore getting more crap from the pureblood society he is still not looked down upon like those of other blood status’. He still has times when he catches himself acting as if he is above those around him and often it is pointed out to him. He does his best to fix it when it is pointed out to him but habits are hard to break. He is also a bit sexist. He believes men should be out on the battlefield but the thought of taking any of them women into a battle with him always gives him pause. He is often the first to suggest they stay and work on something else. He believes they should be in the kitchen or knitting or something though he is trying to work on his views he still hates the thought of any of them going into a fight believing that a man is the best option for any kind of confrontation. He is also not a fan of werewolves. He knows it is an unoriginal thing to think but he just can’t get over his reservations over them. Even if he were to befriends a werewolf and know about them he would still not like them as a whole. He would view that person as an exception and not the rule.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I’ve been looking at this roleplay for awhile now and when the one I was in closed down I came back to this one. It seems to have been around for awhile and the members seem like they are nice and accepting of new people. I would love to get into an active roleplay that is around to stay.

PLOT DROP IDEAS: I would love literally anything. I know that is lame but plotting is not my strongest point. I think it would be cool to have them in some kind of battle. I also think on the complete opposite note some kind of big party could be cool. I also love plot drops where people who wouldn’t normally interact are forced together.  

ANYTHING ELSE? In my mind Gideon isn’t the best at fighting and I think it would be pretty cool if he had a teacher or even multiple teachers teaching him different aspects of the fight.

[woeismyhoe]

Zuko and Azula’s childhood

Like every other toxic siblings, Zuko and Azula weren’t always so hostile to each other, willing to kill each other if necessary and whatnot. Contrary to some people’s opinions, Zuko and Azula were actually close when they were younger, at least until before Ursa left anyway.

‘He’s even trying to kick me, just like when we were little. And just as I was then, I’m faster and better than he is. I’d almost forgotten how much fun this is.’

- Azula (Tale of Azula)

It’s moments like these that tells us that Zuko and Azula had at least a somewhat normal relationship where the little sister would always torment her older brother and hate each other but still play together afterwards. Even if they would bicker and things would start to turn violent, they would still occasionally run around chasing one another just like they used to back in Ember Island when they were younger and reconcile.

The turning point of their relationship was after Ursa left. Ursa’s banishment affected Zuko and Azula’s relationship deeply. In Zuko’s flashbacks and the comics, we saw how it was always Ursa correcting her children’s wrongs and reprimanding them (usually Azula). But without Ursa, no one was there to teach them what was right and wrong anymore.

I can imagine that this was somewhat what Ozai told Zuko and Azula when they felt guilty for something when they were younger, that they should never apologize to anyone because guilt and remorse are only for the weak. That’s why we rarely saw Zuko or Azula apologizing.

It’s possible that Ozai tried to instill his principles and ideals into Zuko at the beginning but found little success because of Ursa’s guidance and protection, though he did find more success in Azula since she was more closed off with her mother. Hence after Ursa left, Ozai managed to drill everything into Zuko and Azula with no restraint since they were left completely exposed and vulnerable.

That’s why a 13 yr old Zuko was able to speak so rudely to his uncle. An 11 yr old Zuko with Ursa’s love and guidance would’ve never said such things even if aggravated. Those words came from a child whose views of his uncle has been so twisted by his father that he no longer cared whether it was hurtful or not. In a way, Zuko became somewhat more like Azula except just more hotheaded and temperamental, but still with a sharp poisonous tongue.

It was inevitable that Zuko and Azula’s relationship would only worsen after Ursa’s banishment. Even as a child, Zuko would reject playing with Azula because of her antics and would only do so after Ursa’s encouragement. Without Ursa, there was no one to encourage the siblings to spend time together anymore.

The envy that both siblings held for another also only grew worse. When Ursa was still there, Azula was being neglected by both parents and her envy against Zuko came from Ursa’s love of Zuko. Of course, Zuko envied Azula as well since she had their father’s approval and acknowledgement but Ursa’s love was strong enough for him to not dwell on it for too long. However, after Ursa left, their roles became reversed and they began to fall out. With Ozai’s constant comparing of both of them, having his pride and ego hurt because his younger sister was better than him, all attention being solely on her, Azula’s taunting, and with the constant reminder by Ozai that he was worthless and a disappointment compared to his sister, it was only a matter of time before he would grow to resent her and block her out completely.

In turn, Azula’s opinion of Zuko only grew worse under Ozai’s complete influence with no one to tell her otherwise. She could only see the faults and mistakes of Zuko because she grew up watching only his mistakes being pointed out. Her father had successfully drilled into her at an early age that power was above everything else and considered the powerless weak and undeserving of respect. Azula hadn’t taken this mindset entirely yet when she was younger because she could see at certain times that her brother was actually fun to be around with and they still spent time with each other. That’s the main priority for a child, fun. But as time progressed, Azula grew to resent Zuko even more as well because her brother became more aloof and her father had a clear low opinion of him.

That’s why in this flashback scene, Azula could be seen smiling, and looking even happier when Ozai was about to burn Zuko.

My guess is that first of all, after realizing their father was Zuko’s opponent, she expected to see a brilliant display of Ozai’s power. It was her first time to see her father fight in front of her eyes (even if it was against her brother). Of course she’d be excited. But Zuko refused to fight and that bored and disappointed Azula. So when Ozai raised his fist, this excited her once more. ‘Finally! Some action!’

Next thing, by this point, Zuko and Azula’s relationship had dropped to a very low point.

I think it’s fine to say that both of them cared very little for each other and they were almost like strangers. All that Azula thought of Zuko by then was just that he was a weak whiny boy who hated her, who scared too easily and didn’t have a backbone. All of those were qualities that Ozai taught her were inferior, disgusting and just despicable. With that mindset, Azula was more than happy enough to see her brother finally get what he ‘deserved’ for being weak and especially losing his honour the moment he begged for forgiveness.

Another factor to consider is her age.

Azula was roughly around 10-11 when she watched the Agni Kai between her brother and father. Believe it or not, but this is a typical reaction from children (and even adults except they mask it well) when they see the person they truly hate, being punished, especially when they believe that the person deserves it and it’s being done by someone they admire. Agni Kais were frequently held as well (to the point that the palace even had its own chamber for it), so this probably wasn’t her first time seeing someone actually get burned.

Most people label her reaction as sadism but it’s actually not. It’s Schadenfreude.

Sadism is when someone takes pleasure in inflicting pain and suffering upon others.

Schadenfreude is when someone takes pleasure from watching people suffer.

Children typically experience Schadenfreude since they’re more prone to expressing their emotions compared to adults. Azula hated her brother. He was nothing more than her weak whiny brooding older brother who stole her mother from her. That was how Azula perceived Zuko.

And finally the most obvious reason for Azula to be smiling upon her brother’s downfall:

She would be Crown Princess of the Fire Nation.

We know that even from a young age that Azula had a desire for power, a quality that was even more so encouraged by Ozai. So when she realized she would be Crown Princess, the next Fire Lord, she couldn’t help but just smile in triumphant. By refusing to fight their father and dishonoring himself, that stripped Zuko off of his honor and birthright to be Crown Prince since a dishonored Prince could not be the heir.

When it comes down to everything, Azula was smiling because she absolutely hated her brother and just did not care for him. They knew they both hated each other and they were basically strangers.

Why would she show concern when Zuko could’ve just defended himself against their father and just fought him as required? By refusing to fight their father, their Fire Lord and finally disgracing himself by begging for forgiveness, this brought dishonor and shame to their father not just once, but twice.

You reap what you sow.

That was what Azula was thinking.

Now this certainly doesn’t excuse Azula’s later actions or Zuko in Book 1, but it does explain why they turned out that way. Zuko would’ve become like Azula, maybe even worse had it not been for Iroh.

Ozai had twisted his children so horribly in those 2 years that they became merely a shadow of their former selves.

Ursa thought she was protecting Zuko, but all that really accomplished was for both her children to be raised by strangers and a monster, turning out even worse off than before.

[kingkirkwall]

feelings about Samuel Drake: in this essay i will -

It's very hard for me to reconcile the warring feelings I have about Sam, especially considering some beautiful moments during Uncharted: Lost Legacy. I adore many of the moments I had the priveledge of experiencing when Sam was introduced to the Uncharted story.

It’s quite difficult to integrate a character so “late” into the story - especially one that was already surviving quite well without his existence! Amy (and I’m sure many more Naughty Dog creators responsible for writing Sam) did a fantastic job with ensuring that his character wasn’t paper thin - they managed to make him into a surprisingly complex person, and one that I cannot sift down into an easy-to-understand motivations. (Does that suggest they had ideas about him long before development of U4 started?)

This is probably one of those uh yeah water is wet moments, but I am a bit amazed at the complications that come along with adding such a complex character like Sam to the Uncharted story. I know that part of the problem is that Sam didn’t exist before U4, so integration would have always been difficult, but I have So Many Questions.

I find that I hold fury within myself when I think about his character.

It begins with the fact this: After Rafe helped Sam get out of prison, there is a 0% chance that Sam did not track Nathan down the first opportunity he got.

Why didn’t Sam reunite with Nathan immediately?

Why did he come up with the Alcázar story when he did choose to reunite with Nathan?

I can only make attempts to rationalize these questions into a few answers: (which in the end always lead to more questions)

1. Sam found out that Nathan got married, and was retired from the adventurous life in a white picket fence happily ever after

How did he react to this? Was he happy for Nathan? Sad that he missed it?

Did he decide that Nathan was better off without him?

Did he decide he didn’t want to cause any trouble for his brother’s current life by turning up alive?

He also discovered that Nathan’s life without him had been full of adventure that he missed out on - along with the fame of being The Nathan Drake who found the lost cities and treasure on these adventures.

“I called some of the old contacts... they tell me some pretty crazy-ass stories.” - Sam Drake

How did he react when people told him about everything his brother had lived through?

Did Sam feel cheated, like his chance at having a life like Nathan's had been stolen from him when he was imprisoned?

Was he jealous of the life Nathan had built in his absence?

“‘Nathan Drake is a legend.’ You know, I shot the man who told me that.” - Rafe Adler

In a Game Informer interview, Troy baker described some of the issues that Sam struggled with in U4:

"...There’s circumstances that happen in our life that sometimes you’ve defined your life by the best or worst moment in your life, and you’ve never quite moved on from that. But then the other people in your life have....Sam has never really quite moved on, but Nate has. And he’s found Elena, he’s found Sully, he’s found his calling...”

He goes on to describe the jealousy he knows that Sam struggled with specifically in regards to Nathan:

“...There’s something that happens when you see that younger brother that’s just a little bit more charming than you, just a little bit better-looking than you, is a little bit more talented than you; can run faster, easier, jump higher, better: I think that’s Nate. I think Sam, before Nate - he was the golden child, he was good, he had it down. And then up comes this thing that surpasses him....In reality, anything that Sam can do, Nate can do better. But I don’t think Sam would ever acknowledge that.”

Jealousy or not, we know Sam believes that he and Nathan were destined for greatness.

“Nathan, we were meant for this. And I promise... You and me together? We're gonna go far.” - Sam Drake

Was he still holding on to a younger man's desperate promise that he made to his little brother to carve a place into the world for them to belong to?

Did he feel like Nathan had trapped himself into monotony when he retired and settled down? (And that he was freeing Nathan from a passionless life?)

Was it because he knew that so much of Nathan's amazing life had already slipped through his fingers?

Was he afraid he had missed out on getting to see his little brother grow up?

Was he afraid that if he had just asked him to come with him, Nathan would say no?

2. Whatever the root of his motivations, Sam obviously decided that it was a necessary evil to lure Nathan away from his current situation, and he knew that the Alcázar story would work. When Rafe pays Nathan the courtesy of unravelling Sam’s lies, he reveals that Sam had been free for the last 2-3 years, and implies that a majority of that time was spent working with Rafe trying to find the Gunsway treasure.

“He spent the last two years tracking down the second St. Dismas Cross. And you know what? He did it all with me.” - Rafe Adler

Again, why did Sam wait three years to tell Nathan he was alive?

What made him change his mind about allowing Nathan to continue to believe that he was dead?

Did he get bored with working with Rafe, strong in his belief that it was his and Nathan’s destiny to find the treasure together?

(Regarding some of the nice moments we see in U:LL, specifically the opportunity of seeing a bit more development in Sam's character since we saw him last at the end of U:4 : Obviously, Sam and Nadine have a pretty hateful relationship towards each other for the majority of the game. (And they have every reason to.) However, Nadine chose to swim back down with a brick to break open Sam's handcuffs so he wouldn't drown. Sam chose to pull Nadine away from the spray of Orca's bullets. They both chose to accompany Chloe to stop Asav's bomb.

These examples of undeniable character development are written in such an interesting blink-and-you'll-miss-it kind of way. You could argue that even though Sam and Nadine hated each other in U:LL, they wouldn't have really let themselves allow the other to die in cold blood, however:

Nadine threw Nathan out of the office window at the Rossi estate in U:4, and if Nathan wasn't literally made out of luck he would be dead

If Nathan had not pulled Sam's arm away, Sam would have killed Nadine

Not to mention many of the other times the brothers Drake and Nadine Ross could and would have killed each other trading blows and bullets during U:4

3. In the flashbacks to Nathan’s childhood, we see undeniable older sibling hero-worship that Nathan has for Sam, even in spite of his knowledge of Sam’s shady activities and his frustration at being left behind while Sam is out of the orphanage. It’s likely that even after Sam’s apparent death, this hero-worship lived on within him.

When exploring Nathan’s office early in U:4, we have the opportunity to see a tiny glimpse of the depth of emotion that Nathan carries with him associated with his brother. Nathan can’t even make himself look at the photograph. We as the audience will only get to experience the weight of Nathan’s grief in this brief moment during a second playthrough (and in the intimate moment of them taking the photo in the first place)

Nathan kept the picture, and has had it the whole time

What did he do every year on the anniversary of Sam’s death? Or on Sam’s birthday?

Did Nathan’s survivor’s guilt cause him permanent damage? (Also, does he suffer any forms of post-traumatic stress?)

Did Elena figure out that he was grieving, or at least come to terms that he had a secret he was keeping from her?

Did she learn to leave him alone with it?

Did they ever fight about it?

Did she ever forgive him for not telling her?

Sam’s most defining characteristic is his love for Nathan.

The core of the fury that I hold for Sam is kindled with the knowledge that he sat down and decided to build the lie he was going to tell his brother. He knew he could achieve it, he knew that Nathan would believe him, and he knew that even after being dead and gone form Nathan’s life for fifteen years, he knew he still had power over him, enough that it wouldn't even occur to Nathan that Sam could be lying to him.

How can someone rationalize this to be anything but deliberate cruelty?

In the same Game Informer interview mentioned above, Nolan North describes Nathan’s feelings about reuniting with Sam during U:4 :

“Sam is a mysterious part of his past. He thought he lost his brother. He doesn’t know, so now for [Sam] to show up, it’s almost like seeing a ghost. First there’s that mistrust, but then it warms up and it’s - I think, for a time, it’s his chance at redemption; his chance to get Big Brother back - family. The true theme through all these games is the idea that, of family, and his, you know, he’s made his family. He’s been doing his life for so long, he’s gotten settled into his life with Elena, and when you throw something into the mix after so many years, and [Sam’s] back, it’s heart-wrenching. They didn’t part under bad circumstances. They just parted.” 

Did Sam take the time to think about what would happen if Nathan eventually found out he was lying, and the irreparable damage it could do to their already fragile relationship?

Once he realized that Nathan planned on lying to Elena, he appeared to be perfectly fine with not interfering with that plan (at least until she was standing in their hotel room). Did Sam seriously consider the consequences of allowing Nathan to believe that Alcázar was still a threat?

“I left my life for you!” - Nathan Drake

I’m not going to blame Sam for almost ruining Nathan’s marriage: In allowing Nathan to think Alcázar was a real threat to his life, I’m sure Sam wasn’t helping, but deliberately lying to Elena about what he was doing and how much danger he was in was Nathan’s own mistake.

In Conclusion: I think Sam’s character is fantastic and he makes me so angry because I understand that it’s likely I will never get answers to a lot of these questions. C’est, also some ending thoughts:

Why do Sam and Sully have such a negative relationship to each other when they meet for the first time again in U4?

Where the hell was Sam during the time that Nathan spent in Cartagena, when he met Sully? Does his absence imply that they parted ways for a while on purpose? When did they start working together again?

How does Sam feel about the paternal relationship Nathan has with Sully?

How did Sam convince himself to lie to Nathan? How did he twist himself into someone who could?

Let’s be real about this: It wasn’t just one lie. It was Many Big Lies that had to be deliberately placed in order to sell the (un)appealing narrative. This is different than lying to a mark or a contact, this is Sam lying to his little brother, arguably the only living person Sam has ever loved. How could he do something like that? He can’t possibly be as much of an idiot to think that this line of action wouldn’t have serious consequences?

Was it worth it?

[anti-yandere-dev]

hey so i 'redid' the yansim characters but not all of them i wrote 2 much so

[I put the submission under the cut since it was pretty lengthy]

hey whats up guys i had 2 put this in a submission as well as literally typed this in a note bc im on data & i dont wanna use a lot of it

basically my au takes place in a college instead. seems more fitting bc theyre actual adults & just feels Right.

theres more characters than there is in the original but thats mainly because i took the ‘genderbent versions’ & made them useful (i pretty much made them in2 siblings 4 some characters lol) anyways!! lets break down the characters

also lads, lassies, non-gender specific term for those bc i dont know the term, im givin yall a warning 4 self harm, suicide, nsfw implications/rape, possible drug abuse, and the rest of the Basic Criteria

Akihiko (Previously known as Senpai): He’s gay & trans. His name means 'bright prince’ which really has no significance, I just thought it was pretty……………and everyone views him as a prince bc he’s rly nice and kind and forgiving and actually has a personality other than being a cardboard box. Eventually gets into a commited relationship w/ 'Yandere-kun’ who I really need to give a name. Akihiko has a twin brother, I took that idea from the possibility of a younger sister, and admittingly(admittedly???) enough, Koumi’s 'genderbent’ Hanako. I’ll get into detail on his twin later, but they have a pretty good relationship. Akihiko (it was at this point i actually looked up a name 4 him & went back 2 edit stuff bc i h8 senpai lol) is still childhood friends w/ 'Osana’, who I renamed Ami(i4got her last name i had 4 her). However, neither of them have romantic feelings for one another, considering Akihiko is only attracted to males, and Ami is only attracted to females(theyre gay.). Akihiko actually meets Ayano when she is about to commit suicide, when he saves her. Ami is there with him, so they both save her. Aside from slight backstory related stuff, Akihiko is actually rather popular. People like him for an actual personality this time!! He’s very kind and puts others needs before his, which is rather dangerous. Ami has lectured him on this many times. Akihiko’s also known for having really good grades and being very helpful when it comes to tutoring others. He meets Ichirou (yandere-kun i literally just looked up anothr name his name means first son bc hes the first son btw lolol) eventually when Ayano invites him over. (sry this is everywhere btw i should have put this in2 a specific order) ngl i feel like this is enough on akihiko like if u wanna kno more abt him hmu on my main christopherpierre-official

Ami (Previously known as Osana): god shes so fucking gay like as soon as she met ayano she fuckign DIED bc she loves her so much???she thinks ayano is like. the prettiest fuckgin girl ever. holy fuckshit shes GAY AND WILL DEFEND AYANO WOTH HER LIFE!!!! Anyways. Ami comes from a dangerously abusive household, and as a result, took a lot of self defense classes when she ran away at age 13. (what year is tht in japan pls help) She still retains some of her 'tsundere’ personality, but she’s more thoughtful of others feelings. She met Ayano as she was about to throw herself into highly active traffic, but she and Akihiko were able to stop her before she could hurt herself. As soon as Ami and Akihiko were able to calm Ayano down, they called an ambulance/contacted the hospital, considering she had a lot of bruises and cuts. They would later find out Ayano’s father was extremely abusive, and the mother was unable to do anything because she was away on a trip for work. A lot of people know Ami for how assertive she can be, misinterpreting her mostly good intentions as aggressive. Ami is mostly known for her knowledge on medical related things, but she still has a slightly bad reputation because of how rude she comes off as. again thts enougb on ami if u wanna kno more just ask me!!

Ayano: still keeps the name bc I Like It?? its pretty fuck u. Ayano has none of her yandere personality. She’s fuckign AFRAID of everything bc of her SHIT ASS ABUSIVE DAD!! Her mom’s still kinda yandere tho, but she didnt kidnal the dad or anything. Their marriage is founded off of Pure And Honest Love…….until the mom kills the dad 4 being a homphobic shit bitch lol. Ayano actually has a lot of self harm scars. She barely gets to see her older brother, Ichirou, who is two years older than her, because he’s away or some shit idk he gets abused p badly too tho. Ayano is rly reserved & quiet & im debating on giving her bpd but its Iffy idk. she has ptsd & kinda sorta got raped by some Fucker in middle school (ichirou took care of the fucker (: hes dead.) so she has a lot of trauma going on here!! I kinda sorta projected some emotional trauma of mine onto Ayano;;; Obviously when Ami found out she was fuxking enraged. Ayano can’t afford to move out of her house just yet, and her brother can’t necessarily take her in, nor does he have her contact info. He kinda sorta left thr country for a bit?? Not sure what country I want this to take place in yet. However, Ichirou is fairly powerless against his father as well, so he took a lot of the beatings, (even tho this boy is fucking Strong as Hell like GOD FUCKIN DAMN!!! he can lift his own mom w/o an issue!! but he kinda left like right away as soon as he could & couldnt take ayano i mean she was still in high school & he Obviously has guilt over not taking her w/ him) but not as many as Ayano, seeing as to how she was the fathers least favourite. Her mother never married the father, and she didn’t want the children to inherit his last name either. …..anyways this is enough i thimk

Ichirou (Previously Yandere-kun): Gay. Loves Akihiko. Retains the yandere personality, but it’s not as bad??? He left the [insert surname household here fuck aishi its not even a Real japanese surname] household as soon as possible, and had immediate regrets. Loves his darling little sister with all of his heart, but it’s literally not incestuous. It’s just good sibling love………also he likes 2 embarass ayano a lot lol. As soon as he met Akihiko, who I never mentioned to have pastel pink hair, he fell in love like, right away? Even though I personally don’t believe in love at first sight (that’s a lie I fell in love w/ most of my anime bf’s @ first sight i can shut the Fuck Off) Ichirou was just??immediately enchanted by this beautiful prince…….he’s just that gay. He’s 2 whole singular years older than Ayano. actually not 2 whole years but w/e hes a scorpio tho. Ichirou has definitely been in relationships w/ other men b4 but they didn’t work out too well. Some rando called him 'daddy’ once and wanted to fucking Die he has shit experiences with his dad & hates the daddy kink so much. He also has ptsd. Doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions at all so he just bottles them up and lets them out all at once and it’s a mess. Also has self harm scars, and some scars from his father trying to Literally Kill Him. This boy……strong as fuck. Can lift his own mom. Has held Ami, Ayano, and Akihiko all at once. Somehow. He’s just a really good older brother? But he’s also really sneaky. While he is jealous of the time Ami & Ayano spend with Akihiko (the A squad lol i just realized their names all start w/ the letter a) he does respect that they’re really close friends, and nothing more. He’s also aware of the unsaid feelings between Ayano and Ami (vry perceptive) so he doesn’t care lol. However, he has little to no tolerance of anyone else being around him. He has a slight distaste for Akihiko’s twin, Kazuhiko (the name means harmonious prince i got a Theme goin on here) but he disregards the feelings. wow talk abt an Info Dump okay next 1

Kazuhiko (Previously the 'genderbent’ little sister/brother, made him into Akihiko’s twin brother): He’s actually a yandere too?? But not 4 Akihiko. He’s vry supportive of Akihiko tho. When he & his twin were in middle school, he gave his uniform to his brother bc he still got the sailor uniform, so he took it. There were some troubles but hey I don’t know how this shit is dealt w/ so please. Just accept this brother supporting his gay trans twin……pls….. He enjoys Ayano’s company. She reminds him of his gf/d8m8, the 'genderbent’ version of “”“"senpai”“”“ (theyre cousins but nobody knows yet so thats why) so he introduces them and they hit it off pretty well! Kazuhiko get Jealous™ and nearly exposes his yandere personality but his Lovely Beautiful Nonbinary Girlfriend reassures him tht they only love him. He loves Yuuka (their full name is yuuka minako) so much?? He would kill 4 them. Literally. He almost has. & b4 i accidentally make a cishet character bc i Refuse 2 4 some???odd reason idk, kazuhiko is a Bisexual Demiboy who fell in love w/ a nonbinary who is okay w/ feminine aligned things. Back on track, Kazuhiko is fairly popular w/ a lot of people for many reasons, and oh wow what a Fucking Cliche ppl r strongly sexually attracted to him!!coolio. he looks nothing like koumis fuckass potato lookin little brother btw. But a lot of people hate the fact that he’s in a Very Committed Relationship w/ Yuuka bc shes not that pretty damn!! But she is. She’s so fucking pretty. To him, at least. He basically fucking worships Yuuka. this is A Lot next character lol

Yuuka (Previously 'Senpai-chan’ or w/e lol): Nonbinary who’s fine w/ she/her pronouns, but also uses they/them. Very shy, Ayano & Ichirou’s cousin. Has a younger sister, and two older siblings who are twins. The younger sister is the old concept for the original little sister, and the older siblings are nemesis-chan & 'nemesis-kun’. While Yuuka and their siblings have lived a fairly abusive life, they haven’t sustained as much 'damage’ as Ayano’s family. Yuuka & Ayano are related by their mothers. They are sisters, only a year and an undetermined amount of months apart. This means after Ryoba, Ayano’s mother, or Sakurako, Yuuka’s mother, moved away, they lost contact with one another, never bothering to talk again. Yuuka and Ayano get along exceptionally well, and Hanako (u remember the little sister well her name stays the same bc its meaning is just flower child. also her design changes.) often refers to Ayano as an elder sister. Yuuka’s relationship with her little sister is somewhat strained due to the three year age gap, but they still get along regardless. Their relationship is strained because Yuuka promises to spend more time with their younger sister, but there’s not much time due to an overwhelming amount of schoolwork, as well as their job taking up a lot of time, too. Regardless, Yuuka doesn’t forget to call their darling little sister as often as she can, checking up on her and how well she’s doing in school. next 1!!!! also i4got 2 talk abt their relationship w/ kazuhiko here bc i was rly focused on mentioning family stuff…..oops (also 4got 2 mention mental health stuff??but like. yuuka has adhd, depression, anxiety, u can just ask me if u wanna know more tbh)

Hanako: i kept the name bc it just literally means flower child & honestly shes such a flowery child??anyways. Hanako retains little to none of her annoying rip-off-nico personality. Instead, she has set up a calm, shy exterior as a defense mechanism due to the many years of neglect she received from her father. (me @ myself y r all the dad characters fuxking Dicks in this like??okay damn.) On top of that, growing up, her mother was never around, due to the fact that she was in the hospital to a terminal illness. Instead, she had to rely on Yuuka for attention, since the twins, Tomoko (sister) and Kiyoshi (brother) left before she graduated her first year in middle school. Hanako also has difficulties with her schoolwork because she, much like her sister, has ADHD. Due to this, she struggles to keep up with the class, and has a hard time paying attention to almost anything that doesn’t interest her enough. However, she has many supports, helping her as much as possible in many ways, which does make her feel better about herself. After her mother had made a full recovery and left the hospital in her current year, she has felt much better about herself, and her grades have definitely improved. Although her father did leave her a while back when she found out he was having an affair on her mom, she still managed fairly well on her own. i mean cmon its not like she liked her dad tht much lol he was a Big Fucking Asswipe hanako isnt as fleshed out as i wished her 2 b but shes not That signigicant to the main story??idk. like shes still in highschool & shes only 17 & this takes place in college so??i dunno. i mean if u got suggestions or smth..sure

Tomoko (Previously Nemesis-chan, made her one of the older siblings bc idk y not lol: There’s not much to say about her. She’s 28, which is only 11 years apart from Hanako. She was entirely capable of filling in the missing mother role for her and Yuuka, but she herself didn’t know what to do. On top of that, she was more focused on getting the best grades out of the entire class, and was much better at academics than her brother. Tomoko has a very cold exterior. She is hard to connect with, and pays little to no attention to anyone elses feelings than her own. This mainly stems from the fact that her father, who she doesn’t even consider a blood related relative, was too busy messing around with other women. buddy i dont know what else 2 write 4 tomoko like she just has severe apathy issues & just doesnt know how 2 connect w/ others. next character

Kiyoshi (Previously Koumi’s shit ass 'genderbend’ Nemesis-chan): Unlike Tomoko, he was able to fill in the father-like role for Yuuka and Hanako. Due to having to take on the role of the father, it put a large strain on his academics and work outside of school. He, at one point, almost had to drop out to take care of his younger siblings, but decided against it. He eventually decided to teach Yuuka how to do her own laundry and how to cook when she was only 9. Due to this, Yuuka was able to take care of herself and Hanako while Kiyoshi could work and pay their bills. Kiyoshi was only 23 when he left the household so he could go to college and get a degree, leaving Yuuka at age 15, and Hanako at age 12. he could b more fleshed out but im??i dunno. im Panicking okay do u think i can work on a character tht doesnt rly show up in the story a lot.

anyways im just putting all of These Guys in 1 this 4 now bc this is A Lot as it is. ill do more later also give me criticism on these pls

--

I really like what you’ve done with the characters (especially now that they have personalities and stories behind them, instead of just nothing). Also, the names you gave them were cute.

-Mod Sega

[amongushq]

Welcome (back) to Among Us, MONA! DREW TANAKA ( with the faceclaim of  ANNA SAWAI ) has found shelter in NEW ATHENS, where we hope SHE will fit in nicely. Please make sure to check the “after applying” section of our navigation here!

The thing with Aphrodite is that she’s as much self-love and confidence than a person’s relationships with and to others: this is something we are shown here as Drew’s application isn’t as much about Drew as it is about all the people who have shaped her, from Silena to the boyfriend whose heart she was required to break, including her own mother because being a child of the oldest Olympian is no small feat. The permanent feature here is that Drew is putting on a mask, all the time. She’s working to turn herself into the person she wishes she were, to the point where we wonder if she even knows who she truly is. It will be interesting to see how the Hunt has changed her so far, and how it will continue to do so over time.

TW: violence, death (part iii); violence, blood, gore (part iv)

AND YOU ARE…?

i.

Silena pushed her trunk of belongings below her bed, almost fizzing with excitement. Her nails were still painted a raspberry color from a week ago when she was claimed, like a present left from their new mom, and they were long and almond-shaped.

“What are you going to do about those?” Drew asked. Her own nails were back to being square and plain. Silena gave her a quizzical look. “You said that you had to keep your nails short for violin,” Drew explained, her tone curious with no accusation.

“Oh, that.” Silena answered knowingly in her soft, lilting voice. “My dad let me quit before summer. Divorce guilt.” They shared a wicked, cosmismerating grin.

If anything was fate, it was their friendship. Silena and Drew were born exactly three years and one month apart (June and July 18th, respectively), had arrived at camp in the same year, and then were claimed within a week of each other. They had spent months in Hermes’ cabin together, spent many nights fantasizing who they might be, and now that they finally knew who they were, and that they were lucky enough to actually be sisters, they wore their parentage with pride.

Even though Silena was only twelve, boys were already starting to crush on her, with her summer-y dresses, her blue eyes, and her blonde hair. Her hair wasn’t actually that yellow, like she had poured half a bottle of Sun-In into it. It was black like Drew’s, but unlike Drew, Silena could now change her appearance at will. Drew was green with envy.

“Ladies!”

A single loud clap echoed across the cabin, and they turned to see their counselor, Ava, standing in the center of the room, smiling like a cat declawed.

“Now that you’ve finally got acquainted with our cabin, there’s only one thing left for you to know.”

ii.

For a son of Athena, Roman was good-looking. Everything from his diction to his wardrobe was polished; his father was not particularly wealthy, but Roman put painstaking effort into dressing as if they were. To Roman, appearance had always been a powerful weapon he had wielded, second only to his smarts, and he maintained it immaculately. From the crest sewn on his blazer that designated his private academy that he wore even at camp, to the secondhand sweater that he ironed by hand, to the frame of his eyeglasses, Roman was—elegant. It was not the right word for him, but it was close. At sixteen, he was two years older than Drew, but he was still fine boned and a little fragile looking, with blue eyes pretty enough to be a girl’s.

The first time she saw him, despite her better instincts, Drew had felt a flutter of interest. And when he had taken an interest in her, with her badly drawn pink eyeliner (she could never understand why she was still so terrible at makeup), instead of Silena, she felt like she was glowing again with her mother’s blessing.

If she knew how it would end before it had begun, was it wrong for her to have let it run its course?

“You want so badly to be like one of your siblings? So pretty and cool and cutthroat? It’s transparent, Drew. I guess it was too much to hope that one of you would be different, huh? That one of you would be different and have a heart.”

If she knew how it would end before it had begun, why had it affected her so much?

“You’re pathetic,” is what she had said, and she knew it was cliche, but her heart had all but stopped and any other witty reply was caught in her throat.

He sighed, took the frame of his glasses, and wiped the lenses on the fabric of his shirt. It was a nervous tic, something that Drew had grown accustomed to and something that she knew she would not see again.

“We could have been something good, really good, Drew.” Roman finished scratching his lenses and absentmindedly set the glasses on the table next to her notebook. He wiped his eyes on the back of his left sleeve. They looked at each other for a few moments. They both did not say anything because there was nothing left to say. Were those tears in Roman’s eyes? Maybe Drew should have said something.

The door opened and closed as Roman left, and half an hour later Silena sat down next to her on her bed and let Drew let a few teardrops drop into her shoulder and soak into her brown locks.

It wasn’t until later that night when she noticed that he left his glasses lying on the bedside table. The next week, when Drew had finally gathered the courage to find him again to return them, she found him sharing kisses with a girl from Demeter, sitting on the fallen log they used to sit on together when they were avoiding Capture the Flag .

“So pretty and cool and cutthroat,” the tape repeated, blasting from the speakers as soon as Drew opened the door to their cabin. Ava rolled on her bed nearly in tears with her laughter. Her green eyes met Drew’s conspiratorially. “I mean, I could see why you liked him, what a flatterer. Did you see him with Katie Gardner? What do you think she’d say if we played this for her and everyone else in camp after the bonfire?” She arched one perfectly drawn eyebrow at Silena’s disapproving look. “It’s just a thought, Suhlene. I do know that you’re the head now.”

Later that night, in the dark of their cabin, still warm from the feeling of love and family, Drew had whispered, “You’re seventeen, and you still haven’t passed yet.”

Silena, however, must have had already fallen asleep.

iii.

“Silena Beauregard knew better than that. Aphrodite is about love and beauty. Being loving. Spreading beauty. Good friends. Good times. Good deeds. Not just looking good. Silena made mistakes, but in the end she stood by her friends. That’s why she was a hero. I’m going to set things right, and I’ve got a feeling Mom will be on my side. Want to find out?”

For a brief flash, Drew considered taking the dagger from Piper’s hand and stabbing her in the chest. Not that she had paid any attention in combat classes on how to disarm an armed demigod, but she thought that she might have been able to accomplish it with the sheer force of surprise on her side. Or maybe Drew could have just commanded Piper to do it. But that could have gotten messy quickly since Piper could also charmspeak.

Piper had never even known Silena.

She hadn’t had to watch as one of her closest friends became someone altogether different. She hadn’t had to watch Silena find better friends, upend the entire cabin’s dynamics and break decades-old traditions when it suited her fancy. By the time Silena changed her hair back to black, and admitted to being in love with Charles Beckendorf, Drew almost couldn’t recognize her. Little did she know that Silena was keeping even worse secrets than just a boyfriend.

All Drew had ever wanted was a sister, someone to stick by her. Silena was the one who threw that away, and for what, for a boy. In the end, she might have stood by her friends, but she hadn’t stood by her sister. And in the end, wasn’t that the greater crime? She had betrayed a love between the strongest of friendships for a love that was fleeting and idiotic. Then, she had died because of it, and others had celebrated it. Maybe that, above all, is what Drew would never forgive her for.

Maybe that also made Drew melodramatic, but in the past, heroes had literally killed for less. All’s fair, after all.

No, she thought, Mom would be on my side.

“I… step down.”

The thing was, in another universe, at another time, Piper and Drew could have even been friends. She and Silena really were that similar.

iv.

They never feared Aphrodite until it was too late.

They spoke of her in poet’s words: seafoam, silk, pearls, roses; they paired her with doves and porcelain, and blamed her only for innocent infatuations of youth or the puckered red mouth of a vain girl in the mirror. So easily did man forget that the same love that pushed a fourteen-year-old girl to fall for a sixteen-year-old boy at a summer camp also drove lovers to carve out the heart of their other and eat it raw, tendons caught between teeth, messy and feral and mad – that it was for beauty that a thousand ships launched, and for love that that Achilles charged into battle and slayed Hector. How easily they forget that the great goddess had no mother, but was spawned from the severed appendage of a great god and the foam of the sea.

This is what Aphrodite is about.

Aphrodite arose from the waves fully-formed, borne of violence and the thrashing of the ocean (they should have known she would carry a wrath in her bones before they carried her up to Olympus, for what is more vicious than the blood of a god and the raging sea?). The greatest of all the gods feared the madness her beauty would instill in them all, so he tried to dull her power by marrying her off to the ugliest, the lamest, of the pantheon. Even with the forged weight of Hephaestus around her heel, Aphrodite flourished – how could she not – how could they not love her when she was love itself?

It was always man that believed he had to choose between fear and love – for certain women, there is no distinction. There was a reason Aphrodite preferred the god of war to her actual husband.

All forces of nature are deadly from the start: sharks are born swimming; wolves arrive with teeth; the most fatal of snakes come into the world ready with fangs full of venom. Girls, too, can be born with their weapons already intact: lacquered stones in their ribs like gallstones that do not hurt, but manifested solely to weigh their hearts down so that they cannot be stolen or carried away; knives kept under tongues; bodies curved like the serpentine arch of the devil’s horns, a blatant warning sign misunderstood as an invitation: Beware all ye who enter here. There is no return.

Like mother like daughter.

“You, a Hunter of Artemis?” asked the interviewer, chewing the end of a pen, and Drew belatedly recognized him as one of the scrawny Apollo campers that Drew used to relentlessly taunt.

She glanced at her nails. “How else would I stay forever twenty-one?” Drew said, before she bared her teeth in a sharp smile. “Yes, me.”

[wrathandlight-blog]

●  Short bio: Ri Hyung Soo 

Born with the Korean Empire in 1897 - Older twin, and the one who was always in charge when they were children - Lost his memory during the Korean War, and never recovered any of it - Is usually polite, albeit cold with strangers - Prone to violence, against himself and everyone. Quite paranoid - Seems to hesitate between raising his voice against his leaders and silence

●  Details:

Age | 16-17

Nickname / Alias  | Lee Ye Jun (when he travels with his fake South Korean passeport. Doesn’t use the name outside of customs usually) / Wrath (Spy/Assassin alias)

Birthday | August 15th as his 'real' birthday and September 9th as the official one

Residence | Rason, North Korea

Height | 5'6 / 168 cm

Weight | 50 kg

Handedness | Left handed

Tattoos / Marks | Scars all over his hands, mostly from cuts. Another one on the side of his head, hidden under his hair, caused by a bomb.  Also he has a tattoo on the side of his stomach with a standard government approved sentence.

Education | Finished North Korea’s compulsory school system

Actual job |  No stable job right now

Sexuality | Asexual/Romantic orientation unknown

Favorite weapon | A switchblade, although he has two beloved knives he got a long time ago from someone important. Daggers are also acceptable.

Phobias / Fears | Drowning, forgetting, being a traitor.

Bad Habits / Vices | Smoking, did opium at some point, various drugs in the past.

Quirks | Checking his food before eating it to ensure it's not poisoned, biting his hands often, or using his knives on them. Will move away if touched.

Style of Speech | Polite, short but direct sentences.

Other | Can play various musical instruments well, the guitar being his favorite. He is quite knowledgeable about music.

● Personality:

At one point or another, people break. Humans, I mean. Nations are meant to be more resilient, able to endure crack after crack without ever ending in shambles. A blatant lie, without a doubt. I experienced forgetting my own mind once, getting everything wiped away by greed and capitalism. Some would call such experience a war, and perhaps it was one. I wonder when it's supposed to end, for the pounding in my head to stop. The world has decided my existence is a bother, an example to keep other nations in check. Born before the Korean War, I would not be able to narrate  the blood covering everything in sight as my people fought among themselves. A violent attack left me akin to a blank page, on a hospital bed in a room without a window. Memories I will never recover. They allow me to believe in what is written on every wall, escaping every lips I encounter.

You cannot protect anything by always defending yourself. If we do not show we're here, no one will ever listen. Violent, often called cruel, I do not mind taunting my enemies and attacking first. Such is the North Korean way of existing. The ones who do not fight do not deserve much. The weak will be lead to believe in a paradise, a greater place without harm, only to forget where they come from and their families.  I do have a brother, and he will always bear such title. Do not try to put us against each other. Min Hwan and I will always be twins, non-identical siblings who are encouraged to loathe the other. While I have no intention to forgive and forget and cry and lower my guard, he is my sibling, and I will shield him if necessary.

My blade is sharper than my words. Polite, unwilling to swear or threaten authority figures, I have not adapted so well to technology in general, and the smartphone my brother gave to me was shattered, thrown off a building without any regret. North Korea is my home, my safe place, no matter how many times I've avoided the truth happening around me. As long as my people remain alive, that some are still here, I will exist. And if we are wiped out by our enemies, then I will gladly take everyone to hell with my own hands. Religion is not mandatory, in a place where a puppeteer is always watching our steps, ensuring we do not leave the line. Critical thinking will result in more brutality, and punishments no one should bear. I cannot represent kindness, as its meaning escape me. Nonetheless, I have no intention to damage my beloved people.

I do not live in Pyongyang, where only the ones who deserve care are. My steps, and trains, take me everywhere and nowhere. I travel into our smaller towns or village. A preacher's quest, even if I am not trying to convert anyone. I'm self-destructive, violent against myself with my blade and my teeth. Covered in marks which heal too fast, I cannot recall a day in my life where I could stand perfectly still for hours without thinking about removing my fingernails one by one. This cruelty, a mindless one, is my way to fight myself, to ensure I will not break and disappear. My nights are rarely peaceful, no matter how hard I work. My sleep is fragile, and I wake up at any noise, fingers already around my knife or dagger, depending on what I have with me.

As a fighter, I am a proud member of my army, although I do not work with fellow soldiers as often as I used to be. When I trained them, I was careless, causing injuries without noticing until I heard the sound of bones breaking. It's a comforting thing, to be stronger than my opponent. I do not enjoy to stop when I should, pushing myself too far instead. I loathe guns, too heavy, and difficult to use. Fighting bare handed is more convenient, or with a blade. My eyesight is not perfect from afar, although it's not something I've truly pondered over, considering I enjoy to be close to attack. The bomb who caused me a scar under my hair surely caused this too. A permanent reminder of a childhood I lost without even knowing it.

Some would claim I am trapped, brainwashed once again, and forgetting the days where I believed in change. I had not taken in consideration that I experienced too much, without my people getting anything from it. Supporting strangers who speak my language but in the wrong way is disgusting. Yet, I am unsure of being able to understand guilt in itself. The concept would meant weeping over my mistakes, rather than ignoring them and moving on. I will keep on destroying everything around me over and over, until nothing is left anyway. So why should I stop and turn around to stare at the crime scene?

Self-harm comes in many forms, or so my brother claim. Opium, cigarettes, I've done it all, filling my veins and lungs with lies and smoke. Nowadays, only cigarettes are left. Another wrong habit, one who will not kill me. A child should not smoke, you say? Neither should he be starved or mutilated. Sanity is a feeble thing, one I struggle to reach. Being plagued by memories and rejection had turned my heart cold before I was even born. I am North Korea, and I will never be Korea as a whole. Never again, as I do not believe in reunification. What would our people say anyway? They do not know each other any longer. And foreigners around are not a necessity.

I do appreciate their music however. No matter which country it comes from. Instruments are above humans, and a melody can express more than the more sophisticated words. I am talented at some of them, I suppose, through years of practice. Although I adore music mostly because no one is forcing me to play, or to achieve perfection. It's merely a childish dream, a way to bring something brighter into my world. Just as I do when I make paper stars instead of going to bed at night. I owned a violin, and offered it to a child who probably sold it or used it to make a warm fire, and a guitar, broken by my brother. The violin was a foolish pick on my part, as I never mastered it. In fact, the sounds which came out were mediocre, unlike the guitar I understood with my eyes closed. While I abide by the rules, mostly by that point, music is something I carry everywhere, sharing it with my people to mask the screams into the night. A shame my voice is too rough and aggressive for me to sing.

Have I ever played for outsiders? Yes, I did. Friends are not something I desire any longer. Having been betrayed and used by everyone made me cold to affection. Or perhaps I never understood it at all. I miss the Soviet Union, when people trusted my growth and listened to my words. Nowadays, my government pushes me aside a little more every day. I cannot truly blame them, not for this, but I can for other things, considering the constant state of betrayal I used to be in. Once, I believed myself to be able to love, only to realize I had been tricked by legends and dreams. I could only cause damage to this person, hurting him until I opted to flee and never return. My brother got mad about it, calling me a fool, and an idiot. As if he wasn't the same way.

This person… Now I have no intention on meeting him once more, or to face my childishness. I tear apart everything I touch. Who would want such constant violence around them until they suffocate? By that point, I do not intend on leaving my country any longer. Except if I am forced to. A short teenager used as a representative of the most dangerous place in the world. Perhaps there is irony in this situation. I am not able to tell. To be honest, I've never felt bright.

Therefore, I would rather be around the ones who are mine, and support them. I do not mind healing injured animals who bite me with all their might, or wrapping up missing limbs when work goes wrong or there is another tragic flood. Food can be secondary for me, as long as a child is able to get up the next day. Oh, before I had a pet. He was a present from a foreign boy. A soft rabbit, who got named after a musician… My brother cares for him now. I do not have the time any longer.

[tvdversefanfiction]

Origins of Magic

Warnings: I do not own the rights to the television series “The Originals”, “Vampire Diaries”, or “Legacies” and do not own any of the characters within the TVD universe, I am making no profit from this and have no intention for this fanfiction series except for readers to enjoy. 15+ Mild to Strong Violence, Strong Language, Witchcraft, sexual scenes, and sexual references. F/F, F/M, M/M, Other.

CHAPTER SIX HERE

Chapter 7 - Home (Part One)

MANY YEARS AGO…following the fall of the world’s first two covens; one of light magic and one of dark, the supreme witch of the dark coven, otherwise known as The Midnight Coven, did not want to admit defeat, knowing that if she could reunite The Midnight Coven then she would dominate the world especially now the light coven, otherwise known as sisters of the light, had broken up. Sapphire Black, The Midnight Coven’s supreme witch wanted to act quickly in a bid to not only be considering the queen of dark magic but the queen of all magic. However, the powerful witch underestimated one thing when planning world domination…her two eldest children. Sapphire’s eldest child Annabella Black did not take to the darkness within the power as easily as her younger brother Magnus, or at least not at first. Annabella was an idealist who believe the splitting of the word’s first covens could lead to peace amongst all witches and with much pestering she managed to get her brother Magnus to agree to her plans for potential peace. The only obstacle which stood in between Annabella and Magnus’ plans for peace among all witches and their hopes for the younger siblings Kayne and Primrose not be raised in a warzone like they did, was none other than their mother Sapphire Black and so Sapphire’s eldest daughter and eldest son quickly proved to be her undoing.

YEARS LATER…Primrose and Kayne were now all grown up and proving to be quite difficult to handle and although Annabella and Kayne managed to hide their guilt over their mother’s deaths from their followers the kingdom in which they built may have been magical but it was far from perfection. Annabella noticed the cruelness within Primrose, how she thrived with the darkness in which her power came from and how much her younger sister reminded them of their mother, she could see both good and bad in Kayne but feared he would go the same way as Primrose and worst of all for the eldest Black sibling was realizing her idealism for peace was no longer part of her brother Magnus’ plans. In the years following their mother’s death, Magnus and his siblings had not only not managed to stop the witch wars but many of their own kind had fallen victim to humanity and their fear of the unknown. Magnus had watched as many of his followers, friends and even foes were hung, drowned, thrown to their deaths or burned at the stake and these acts of violence only pushed Magnus further and further away from wanting peace. Annabella knew her brother Magnus’ heart had hardened in the years since the two of them murdered their mother, she knew her brother now wanted war not peace just like their mother once did and so she decided in order for the greater good of witch kind it was time to deliver Magnus Black the same fate as their mother. Primrose did not take much convincing to join Annabella in her treachery, having always had something of a rivalry with Magnus however, it was Kayne who took a lot of convincing to betray his own brother but eventually both Kayne and Primrose did what Annabella wanted, like they always reluctantly did and together the three Black siblings murdered their brother. Only this time Annabella did not get away from her second murder with clean hands, as the followers of the royal witch family soon began to suspect her and her siblings leading to them turning against their rulers and burning down their kingdom which forced Annabella, Kayne and Primrose to go on the run as they found themselves hiding out within a castle in the woods for many centuries until they were forgotten by their own kind.

AS THE CENTUIRES PASSED…it became clearer and clearer to Bella Black that her younger sister Rose Black had potential to prove herself an even more wicked witch than their mother, although by then Bella’s desire for witch peace had dwindled as she found herself only growing more and more tired by her siblings until one day the Mikaelson’s visited the castle in the woods which ultimately led to the three surviving Black siblings deciding to go their own way. Bella took to a life of peace choosing to love nature, nurture it and lived mostly in small cottages around the world as the centuries continued to pass, while Rose often put herself to sleep for large periods of time to avoid aging and often caused great travesty when awake, as Kayne chose to magically drain the youth from others to stop himself aging while finding himself beginning his life over and over again, failed romance after the next failed romance which would often lead to Kayne getting his hands bloody. The Black siblings were never meant to live forever just like every witch who would eventually succumb to death embracing both the beginning an end of their stories but it was through spite, determination, stubbornness, hatred and the royalty attitude which remained in them all that they refused to finish their stories but sadly for one of the three witches an end was coming whether they wanted it or not….

MODERN DAY “We are gathered here today for the funeral of one of my siblings…which sibling depends entirely on how you three fare depends entirely on these next few minutes.” Magnus announced, as his three siblings Bella, Kayne and Rose awoke to find themselves each tied up to a different plank of woods with witch proof chains, unable to move or cast a spell to free themselves, as they each looked around to notice they were in the woods somewhere. “Let them go Magnus your fury is with me not them!” Bella screamed at her brother, urging for him to let their younger siblings free. “You do not get to make demands anymore sister!” Magnus snapped at her. “You have been barking your orders for far too long…it is my time to be in control!” “Oh, please if you were meant to lead this family then you would have done by force centuries ago but instead you wound up dead at our hands.” Rose told her oldest brother. “You have never been able to live up to our family’s legacy and you will never will.” “Rose, please do not continue to be a bitch until our dying breaths!” Kayne warned the youngest Black sibling, before turning his attention to his brother. “Magnus…you do not want to do this…I know we betrayed you and we crossed lines no family should ever cross but you can be better than us by forgiving us, letting us free and allowing us all to try and be a family again.” “Poor naïve little brother you always were the most stupid person I ever had the displeasure of knowing with your desperation to be loved…so bloody whiny even as a baby you just continued to cry and bloody cry.” Magnus cruelly mocked his younger brother. “You have been played by your own emotions time and time again allowing people to manipulate, degrade and destroy you…you are a disgrace to this family’s legacy!” “Oh, spare me the entitlement you miserable bastard! Kayne is everything you just said and more but at least he has loyalty to his family,” Rose argued with Magnus, eager to stand up for her brother Kayne. “Death is not exactly permanent right now so take your best shot and make it bloody good because the minute we are able we will destroy you!” “I love the loyalty you three seemed to share,” Magnus laughed at his younger sister before turning to focus on his older sister Bella. “We shared that once Annabella, we were once so close we plotted against our own mother…do you want to tell them what we did to mummy dearest or shall I?” The look of pure fear across Annabella’s face was met by a silence that admitted great guilt, the silence of the witch acting as a confirmation for Magnus to reveal their guilt to their younger siblings. “Annabella and I killed our dear mother because she believed…and eventually made me believe…the world would be nothing but death and violence if we allowed our mother to live.” Magnus revealed to a stunned Kayne and Rose. “Liar!” Kayne shouted, refusing to belief Magnus’ claims. “Bella believed witches and humankind could live in peace among each other, she believed we could all live-in peace if we got rid of our mother who our dear sister saw as nothing more than an obstacle.” Magnus confessed. “It was not like that,” Bella argued with him, “I did what was right our mother wanted to be queen and she was willing to massacre everything in her way in order to get her self-created crown.” “So, you killed her…” Rose said in a state of shock. “You killed our mother for wanting to be the royalty she was!” “Yes,” Magnus answered for Bella. “And yet the world continued to grow more violent even after our mother’s death, witches were warring with witches and humans were torturing and murdering our kind…mostly their own who they believed were our kind but still the world had become nothing but death and violence.” “I only wanted peace, for us all to be safe…mother had created so many enemies that if we did not die at her hands we would have fallen at the hands of one of her many foes.” Bella told Kayne and Rose, hoping for them to understand her actions. “It was my job as a sister to look after you all and it was my calling as a witch to protect this earth.” “And what a god-awful job you did of that…monsters roam freely, creatures that should not exist ravage this world and if anything, there is eviler today than there has ever been.” Magnus informed his sister. “We killed our mother for a better world and when I realized that was never going to happen you convinced our siblings to help you murder me!” “You had become just as wicked as our mother! You wanted to wipe out the entire human race, if I did not do something there would be nothing standing to this day because your hatred would have wiped out everything including this family!” Bella attempted to justify herself for murdering her brother Magnus. “I always knew you were a clueless cheerleader for humanity sister, but I never knew you would put them before your own family.” Rose told her older sister, stunned by the recent revelations. “We did not question you when it came to killing our brother because we never questioned you…we believed you had our backs no matter what!” “I do!” Bella replied to her youngest sibling, begging for Rose to believe her. “All I have ever done is look after you and Kayne.” “Well that is not entirely true is it now?” Magnus chimed in. “The dead get to see a lot when nobody realizes their watching…” “Bella, what is he talking about?” Kayne questioned his older sister. “Before we left our home that we had spent centuries hiding from the world…” Bella reluctantly began to confess. “I considered killing you both…but only for a moment!” “Only for a moment!” Rose shouted. “You bitch, after everything we have been through together you were going to murder us like we were nothing!” “I feared you would wind up being eviler and more heartless than Magnus and our mother!” Bella admitted to Rose before preparing to confess Kayne. “And you Kayne…well I could see that loving heart you once had hardening and your hate for me begin to grow.” “Of course, I began to hate you, you forced my hand into killing my only brother and then kept us in hiding for centuries!” Kayne shouted at Bella. “But I still loved you because I believed in you…” “Annabella you assume each of us are more like mother than you, but it is you who reminds me most of her.” Magnus told his sister Bella. “Mother may have wanted to rule this wretched world but you are so damn desperate to save it you have not got a single connection in the world that you would not sacrifice for your cause.” “That is not true!” Bella screamed at the top her lungs, denying her brother’s accusations before focusing on her youngest siblings. “I considering killing you but I could not go through with it, I was there as use grew from babies to adults, I helped use harness your powers, I raised you after our mother’s death and I have loved use more than I have ever loved anything or anyone!” “You always claimed I was the family’s monster, mother’s double and most likely to follow in Magnus’ footsteps but the truth is you are the poison slowly hacking away at us all peace by peace until there is nothing left for you to manipulate or murder.” Rose said to her sister, while giving her a look of both disgust and hatred. “I admit I was a fool with the world on my shoulders back then, but I am not that person anymore.” Bella cried. “I would do anything for you or Kayne…even if you never believe a word, I say again please believe that!” “You better hope Magnus does away with us all because if not the moment I am released from these chains I will kill you!” Rose threatened her older sister, furious at her for her betrayals and ready to make Annabella pay the ultimate price. “We made a mistake killing our brother,” Kayne said, with a look of heartbreak on his face, devastated by his sister’s betrayal. “I second Rose on doing away with you once and for all Annabella.” Magnus stood there taking great delight in his siblings’ misery, especially the part in which Primrose and Kayne learned the truth about their eldest sister Annabella and watched with glee as they each declared war on their eldest siblings, but a simple rivalry was nowhere near enough to feed his lust for vengeance, in fact the second born Black sibling was only just beginning. “Here is the thing dear sister...” Magnus began to say as he walked towards his sister Bella with a sinister look on his face. “I would kill you now but that would just end your suffering…instead I am going to let you decide who deserves to die…it is what you seem to be best at doing…so decide Annabella, do I kill our brother Kayne or the baby of the family Primrose?”

TO BE CONTINUED...