#HOW DO WE ALL PUT THIS ON OUR RESUMES FR

[maybebabyplease]

the switch from slack and google sheets at my corporate job to discord and google sheets for @rsbigbang....i love u fest modding i love u @pancakehouse @mblematic @colgatebluemintygel

[daydreaming-nerd]

The Prophecy (Lucien Vanserra x Rhys! Sister)/(Azriel x Rhys! Sister) Part 3 (Azriel's Version)

Part One , Part 2

AN: "Majesty, Palo is exhausted. Because Majesty only Palo can take this (angst) and this (groveling) and give you...a masterpiece."

No fr guys I put my whole puss into this plz tell me if you liked it

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Summary: The only thing worse than having Azriel not know about the bond is watching him and Elain carry on like she doesn’t have a mate as well. Lucien and you have been long time friends but things change after one fateful starfall celebration. It’s not wrong if both of your mates don’t want you right? 

Warnings: angst, fluff like so much fluff, no editing (I'm so tired omg)

Word count: 9,370

We arrived in the house in silence, the only thing to fill the void was the crackling of the enchanted fire that always sprang to life whenever I walked through the door. My eyes were fixed on the floorboards, studying every grain of wood as I put together what had just happened. 

I had told Azriel about the bond, and I did it in anger. I had imagined telling him a million different ways over the past 400 years but never did imagine doing it out of spite. I was just so angry with Elain and her insufferable entitlement that had me seeing red. If anyone should act in such a manner, it should be me, I was a princess after all. 

I was furious with Elain there was no doubt about that, but the voice that kept echoing in my mind was Azriel’s. How he yelled at me. I had known him my whole life and I had never once been afraid of him, until today. 

As if he was tired of the silence, Lucien brushed his hand under my chin bringing my gaze to his, it wasn’t until then that I realized I was crying. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowing at my tear stained cheeks. 

“Yeah,” I laughed him off, wiping the water from my face. 

“I’m sorry I interfered like that, I wasn’t sure if you wanted to speak to him or if you wanted me to kick his ass. But he seemed mad and I wouldn’t stand for him yelling at you.” Lucien apologized leaning against the back of the couch a good three feet away sensing I needed some space. 

“I suppose that I wasn’t sure what I wanted either,” I sigh leaning against the doorframe. “Thank you for stepping in. I think it was for the best.” 

“Of course, I’ll always be there for you,” Lucien nods before resuming his staredown with the floor, probably trying to make sense of everything just like I was. “Az seemed…concerned for you. I think the bond snapped for him.” 

“It did,” I say, running my hand over my chest, as if I could touch the faint glow of the bond that now sat in my chest. “It clicked the moment he saw us in the kitchen.”

“Are you happy it clicked?” he asked, once again asking all the questions I truly didn’t have an answer for, at least not yet. 

“I-I’m not sure.” I say honestly, knowing I didn’t need to hide my true feelings from Lu. “I’ve pictured him finding out a million ways, but over the last couple years I’ve kind of given up on the whole endeavor. I felt like I made it clear that I liked him, and he only met me with complaints about other women. First Mor and then Elain.” 

“Maybe he’s changed,” Lucien pointed out. 

“Even if he had it’s not because he loves me.” I murmured sadly. “You heard him in there. He only wants me because he feels entitled to me. He never once acted like he cared about me beyond being his best friend's little sister.” 

“I suppose you’re right, it’s hard to forgive 400 years of cruel behavior,” Lucien muttered, still staring at that little spot on the floor. 

I strode across the room and leaned against the couch with him. I wanted to say something, anything to break the silence. But it was as if all the air had been sucked from the room in one foul swoop. I had just let out a 400 year old secret and for the first time ever, our mates seemed to give a damn about us. I look to Lucien who is still processing everything and I recall how Elain was so upset to see her mate with another female.

“Elain…” I started, wanting to tread carefully. “She seemed pretty upset,” I said, only stating the obvious. 

Lucien chuckled, “Yeah, I think that’s the first time she’s ever called me her mate.” 

“And how do you feel about that?” I ask wanting to give him the same room to speak that he gave me. I knew if he didn’t feel like sharing he wouldn’t, Lucien was no pushover. 

“I feel strangely happy,” he says and for the first time since we got back his lip curls into a half smile. “I think that she might be willing to give me a chance.” 

My heart warms at the idea of Lucien finally getting to have a chance with his true mate, “I’m really happy for you Lu,” I smile, patting his hand that sat on the back of the couch. 

He snaps out of his trance, “that’s not to say that you’re not- you’re a wonderful woman y/n-” he rambles. 

“Hey, HEY!” I shout getting his attention. “I’m happy for you Lucien. You deserve this,” I laugh at his attempt to not hurt my feelings. 

“Thank you y/n,” he smiles, grabbing my hands and squeezing them. 

“What do we do now though,” I sigh looking at his family ring on my finger. 

His eyes flit to the ring as well as his thumb brushes over it, “We continue on as normal, we can push back the wedding. I’m not confident in what Elain wants from me at this point and you clearly are at odds with Azriel. If things don’t work out…” he trails off thinking about hsi next words. “If things don’t work out I would still be honored to have you as my wife. I still feel like we could make eachother happy.” he says earnestly. 

I look into his eyes of russet and gold and see that he truly means every word, “Okay,” I nod my voice barely above a whisper. 

“Okay,” he agrees, keeping his voice down as well. “Shall we head to bed?” he asks. 

“We shall,” I laugh, following him up the stairs. 

That night we didn’t make love, we cuddled as normal though, but somehow even that felt wrong, now that the bond I prayed over for so long hummed within my chest.

 While the little High Lord in training was typically quite docile, he had just learned to crawl and had begun flapping his little wings, which meant trouble was becoming the new normal. Which is exactly what had happened today…

“Nyx no!” I shouted as he reached for a heavy book on one of the bookshelves, his tiny wings helping him to gain the extra inch or two of ground he needed. 

I grabbed him from underneath his shoulders and brought him into my arms, bouncing him on my hip as his eyes caught the shiny necklace I was wearing. His little hands grabbed at it and I figured it was better than a vase or another heavy book. 

“Just wait till he can actually fly,” Lucien chuckled, coming up behind me.

“That won’t be for quite a while thankfully,” I laugh, bouncing the babe up and down.

“Are you so sure about that? Cassian seems to already be giving him lessons.” he points out. 

“I don’t even want to think about a flying toddler,” I scoff and Lucien chuckles behind me. 

 He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I could feel his lips curling into a smile.“You’re going to be a great mother one day” he admitted. 

“I’ve always wanted children,” I said and a beat of silence passed until I decided to be bold. “Lu, do you think we could ever have children?” I ask, afraid to turn around and possibly see a wary look on his face.

I felt Lucien’s chuckle reverberate behind me, “Of course, I’ve always been fond of children myself,” he laughed. 

I whipped around with Nyx to search his eyes for a hint of uncertainty, but he seemed happy about the idea, “Really?” I asked in disbelief. 

“Of course,” he assured me. 

“I want a million just like little Nyx here,” I smile looking at the babe in my arms. 

“Minus the wings of course,” Lucien laughs behind me and I pause. 

My entire life I had always pictured my children with wings. Small, delicate little things that I would ‘ooo’ and ‘ahhh’ over.  I remembered seeing the Illyrian children in Windhaven growing up, I was always so happy when mothers would let me hold their babies, their wings so adorably small. I looked forward to having winged children of my own, I always pictured them scaling Azriel when they were little like Nyx, and as they got older I would watch as Az taught them to fly.

“What is it my dear?” Lucien asked, breaking me out of my trance. 

“Oh it’s nothing, it’s just that when I pictured my children I always figured they would have wings,” I say, pressing a kiss to Nyx’s temple. 

As if summoned, Azriel walked in, Rhys and Feyre in tow, signaling that their meeting was over. His eyes flitted to me, no doubt having heard what I had said. Lucien’s hand tightened on my hip.

Feyre’s eyes sparkled at the sight of her son and Rhys eyes sparkled at the sight of Feyre taking their babe from my arms. I reluctantly gave Nyx back, already missing being able to pretend he was my own. 

“He was a little angel,” I report to Feyre.

“If by angel you mean hellion,” Lucien chuckles behind me. 

“I would expect nothing less from a child raised by this family,” Rhys laughed, wrapping one arm around Feyre and brushing a hand against his son’s cherub cheeks. 

A silence rolled over the room as we all watched the little family reunite. I couldn’t help but flit my eyes to Azriel, who looked at them with a grin and a longing in his eyes. His eyes find me and I don’t dare look away. 

“Can we talk?” Azriel asked timidly, taking a step away from the doorway he leaned against. Feyre and Rhys take out of the room, no doubt feeling the change in the atmosphere.  

I searched his eyes for a hint of aggression but all I found was remorse, “Yes we may,” I say quietly.

Lucien releases his grip on my hip as I follow Azriel into Rhysand’s study and close the door behind me with a resolute click signaling that I was locked in here with him. Az takes up residence by Rhys’ desk, leaning against it like some sort of tortured man. I couldn’t help but notice he was still in his fighting leathers, his wings tucked in tight and his knuckles perched over his lips, like he was contemplating what to say. Even now, when he was at his most vulnerable, he was so beautiful. 

“I’m sorry for the way I acted last night. I yelled at you and I shouldn’t have,” he says fidgeting a bit. “Its just… it’s just that I was so pissed when I found him with his hands all over you and you just seemed so happy.” 

He sighs running a hand through his hair staring at the ground, still unable to meet my eyes. 

“I think that’s what bothered me the most,” he continues. “You seemed…happy.”

“You were upset because I was happy?” I scoff furrowing my brows at him, the fucking gall of this male. 

“No, no! Gods y/n,” he corrects me, running his hands down his face clearly upset with himself. “I think I was upset because I wasn’t the one making you happy.” he finally says and I can hear the vulnerability in his voice. 

I’m completely taken back by his words, at the fact that he admitted that he wanted to be the one to make me happy like that. The way Lucien did. It didn’t make any sense, given the fact that he never showed me in the last 400 years. 

“That’s funny coming from a male who’s been complaining to me about the females he’s been in love with for the past 400 years.” I deadpan, crossing my arms. 

“Is that how long you’ve known? 400 years?” he asked me, voice rising a bit. 

I nod, “I knew the night you danced with me on solistance in the Hewn City all those years ago,” I confess. 

“Fuck y/n,” he groans running his hands down his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because you started panting after Mor and the second you gave up on her in walked Elain!” I shouted, it was the most obvious thing ever as to why I didn’t tell him. 

“You had to know that you were first,” he says, snapping his head up to meet mine, pleading in those hazel eyes. 

I gave him a blank stare not knowing what he was talking about. 

“Please tell me you know you were the first, before Mor, before Elain, I was practically on my knees for you,” he confessed. 

Once again I’m left speechless. Could it be true? That he had wanted me before I even knew about the bond? 

I shook my head, even if it was true he was speaking in past tense. I didn’t want him to be my mate because he felt like he had to be, I wanted him to love me, truly love me. I wanted him to choose me.

“I had no idea,” I admit feeling a bit of shame. “But that doesn’t matter anymore, it’s all in the past. I’m not mad at you Azriel.” 

“Thank the cauldron,” he breathes, crossing the room to cup my face.

I place my  hands on his wrists and pull them away from me, “Az I think that you should be with Elain,” I say, stepping back from him. 

“What? No.” he shakes his head and I take another step back.

“You clearly love her and she loves you, the cauldron made a mistake by making us mates, it's as simple as that,” I say trying to hide my tears.

I loved Az, a part of me always would, but I wouldn’t be his consolation prize just because the cauldron fucked up and made me his mate instead of Elain. I couldn’t live with that. 

“No don’t say that, please don’t say that,” Az pleads, his voice softening. 

“I’m sorry Azriel but I won’t be your consolation prize,” I say before grabbing the door handle and walking out into the living room where Lucien was. 

Azriel goes to say more until he hears the hitch in my breath. There, before me, Lucien is tucking a stray hair out of Elain’s face and placing a kiss on her knuckles. A sweet gesture, one I’ve probably read about a thousand times in my romance novels. Lucien’s eyes flit to mine, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen him so happy. 

“We’re going to give it a shot,” he smiles happily, putting an arm around Elain. 

“Really?” I ask looking to Elain who smiles brightly. 

“Yeah we are,” she says smiling up at Lucien. 

“Oh I’m so happy for you two,” I cheer before engulfing them both in a hug. 

“Congrats you guys,” Azriel mutters from behind me, seemingly abandoning whatever he was going to say to me in favor of praising his friends. 

Lucien chuckles at my excitement, “Don’t get too excited, we’re going to have to move my stuff out of your place today, I think it’s time I move back into the townhouse,” he smiled. 

“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s get started!” I cheer, grabbing his hands to winnow us away. 

In reality I wasn’t excited about the idea of moving, and much less excited about the idea of my little townhouse being empty again. But I needed to get away from Azriel. 

One week later:

After the all day affair of moving Lucien’s accumulated stuff out of my house and in the townhouse I was back to loving alone. Which at first wasn’t terrible. I was content to read my book and cook for myself when necessary. But after about a week I began to miss the food Lucien would make, or having someone to lie next to. It was a strange feeling, it felt like a breakup, but I wasn’t sad. I missed having another heartbeat in the house, not Lucien himself. 

After a week of getting my affairs in order my brother finally asked me for some help and I was thankful for the distraction. All week I had been in my own head about all that had happened, with Lu and Elain, with me and Az. I needed a break to think of something else. 

That’s how I found myself slipping on an old day court dress and getting ready to winnow to see Helion, an old friend of mine. I was leaving the house and locking the door when I ran smack into a large chest I screamed being taken off guard. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you,” a familiar voice apologized, I turn to find Azriel standing before me. 

“It’s okay, I should’ve been paying more attention,” I chuckle awkwardly. I hadn’t heard from the spymaster in a week, why would he come to talk to me now?    

Azriel’s eyes furrow from where they tower over me, “Why are you dressed for the Day Court?” he inquires. 

“Oh well,” I look down at the swaths of white fabric that cascaded down my body, suddenly feeling a bit exposed from off the shoulder dress. “Rhys wants me to go and schmooze Helion a little bit. Something about wanting to get him to agree to better trade deals.” I laugh remembering how my brother agonized over it the other day. 

“So he wants you to go and flirt with Helion?” Az cocks an eyebrow at me. 

“Well Helion and I go way back, and he’s always been…well keen on me.” I say honestly and I watch as Az bristles just a bit. I can’t even count the number of times the High Lord as tired to get Cassian and I in his bed

“I’ll give Rhys one thing he sure is ruthless,” Azriel chuckles trying to play off his nerves. 

“Is there something I can do for you?” I ask, still wondering why he’s here, at my doorstep. 

“Oh uh, no,” Azriel stutters. “Well actually I was walking by and I saw this and I thought of you.” he says pulling out a white rose. It looked like he had plucked it right off the bush down the street. “I thought you should have it.” he finished. 

I take the rose from his hand and notice that the thorns have all been cut off. I eye Truth Teller strapped at his side and the lingering thorn that was still stuck on its sharp blade. 

“That was very thoughtful of you Az thank you,” I tell him sweetly, taken back by his gesture. 

“You’re welcome,” he says, seemingly relaxing at my acceptance of his gift. 

I check my watch, “Well I really do have to go, Helion is waiting for me,” I wince moving past him on the stairs so I can get past the words my brother has on my place. 

“Yes of course,” Az says following me down the steps and out the wrought iron fence. “Do you need a ride?” 

“I’m okay, I can winnow,” I chuckle, closing the gate behind me. 

“Well I guess I’ll see you later then,” Azriel voices with a hint of a sigh. 

“Yeah I’m sure you will,” I reply before winnowing into Helion’s mansion. 

How could Az be so calm about all this? It was like he was trying to force himself to have feelings for me, figuring he better learn to love me now that he’s shackled to me for eternity. Part of me wondered if Rhys had given him a firm talking to and convinced him to attempt to like me.

“There she is,” Helion mused from the top of the stairs coming down the stairs dressed in his usual attire. Part of me hated that I found him attractive, in another life, if he wasn’t so promiscuous, I might’ve seen myself standing by his side. 

“Helion,” I smile, pulling him in for a hug. 

When we pull away his hands linger at my waist and his eyes look at the rose in my hand. “What’s this?” he asks plucking the rose from my hand. 

I think about the encounter with Azriel, how forced it all felt.

“It’s nothing,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. 

Helion tosses the flower aside before throwing his arm over my shoulder and leading me inside, “So, your brother has sent you to convince me to agree to his new trade agreements.” he smirks.

“He’s done nothing of the sort, I came to visit an old friend of my own accord,” I tease, knowing Helion isn’t as daft as Rhys makes him out to be. 

“We’ll see about that new treaty after some wine, and tell your brother that next time he wants to use you against me as leverage he should just send you naked,” Helion chuckles. 

I erupt in laughter, slapping his arm as he leads us to a white couch with a bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table. 

Three days later after successfully getting Helion to agree to a new trade treaty I found myself sitting in my living room with a glass of wine enjoying the fruits of my labors. As soon as I told Rhys about the High Lord of Day’s cooperation he sent me one of his finest bottles of wine as a thank you. Not that I required any thanks, I enjoyed spending time with Helion. 

My silence was interrupted by my door opening and closing. I just about jumped out of my skin, the only one who had the key to the place was Lucien and he had given it back a long time ago. My heart pounded as I stood from the couch in my nightgown and robe. I had turned in for the night and certainly wasn’t expecting visitors. I lift my romance novel over my head and step around he couch ready to swing when I see Azriel locking the door behind him quietly. 

“Azriel you scared the hell out of me,” I sigh, lowering the book. 

He turns from the door looking me up and down taking in my casual attire hungrily. “I’m sorry I guess I’m just used to walking right in, I wanted to give you these,” he says holding out a large bouquet of white roses, exactly like the kind he gave me the other day.”

“Thank you Az, they’re beautiful,” I say wearily, taking them from his scarred hands. “I’ll uh- I’ll just put them in water,” I tell him, padding into the kitchen to grab a vase and fill it. 

“I thought since you liked the other one I gave you that you might like those ones too,” he says walking into the kitchen and leaning in my doorway. 

I place the two dozen roses in a vase,“Well I appreciate them, it’s been a while since I’ve had fresh flowers in the house,” I divulge to him, remembering how Lucien used to bring them home all the time. He would always ask for Elain to make him a bouquet, his little way of speaking to her in a way that didn’t make her uncomfortable. The thought had me thinking of how Lucien and Elain were probably sitting at a nice dinner right now, had me questioning why the fuck Azriel was here. 

A silence fills the room as Azriel sits admiring either me or the flowers, from where I’m standing it could be either or. I walk around the kitchen island to test the theory and sure enough his eyes follow me as I lean my back against the side closer to him.  A wave of embarrassment slips over me. Did Rhys ask him to bring more flowers again? Was I really that pathetic? 

“Az why are you doing this?” I ask, gesturing to the flowers behind me. 

Azriel straightens taking a tentative step towards me, “Because I want what Elain and Lucien have. I want you to give me a chance to be a good mate,” he says softly. 

I look to the wooden floors below me, my bare feet messing with a loose floorboard, “You don’t have to do this Azriel. If Rhys sent you I’ll just cover for you and say you came.” I say not daring to look at him. 

“I’m not here because of Rhys, I’m here because I want to see you,” he implored and I heard his feet shuffle closer. 

“I’m still not your consolation prize just because Lucien and Elain are doing well. I won’t do that to myself,” I say, continuing to mess with the loose floorboard. 

“You’re not my consolation prize y/n, you’re my mate.” Azriel states, his voice becoming more urgent causing me to tighten my arms around myself ever so slightly. 

His boots come into my line of sight and suddenly he’s titling my chin up to meet his pleading gaze. I’m suddenly all too aware of how underdressed I was. There was a time when I would’ve killed for this. But now? I won’t let myself be hurt again.

“Y/n please-” 

“Azriel I’m at peace,” I snap, cutting him off and looking down at our feet once again even though his hand still rested under my chin. “For the first time in 400 years I’m at peace. I have loved, and pined, and thrown myself at your feet for 400 years, and I am finally happy in my exile. So forgive me if I’m hesitant to give that up so quickly because you all of the sudden want a mate.” I bit out.

His shadows dance around my hands and I move my fingers out of their grasp, like their cold kiss was burning me.I wait for him to say something back, for him to breathe wrong, yell at me or leave but he doesn’t move. I let my eyes flit up to his, and I find him staring down at me, like he’s been waiting for me to look at him this whole time. 

“I’m not going to give up,” he states, if he was sad or upset by my previous words he doesn’t show it. 

I sigh, tossing my head back, “Az please,” I beg. 

“No I’m serious, I’m not giving up on you, on us,” he maintained steadfastly, his hands not leaving my cheek as he steps even closer to me and my back hits the cool granite behind me. 

“Azriel I think you should go,” I grit out, the second my body stiffens under his he steps back giving me my space. 

“Alright I’ll go,” he says, taking a step back.

I follow him to the door and hold it open as he steps out into the cool night air that has me wrapping my silk robe around me tighter, as if it was helping anything anyways. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he assures me before shooting off into the sky. 

“I really wish you wouldn’t!” I shout into the air after him before slamming the door and locking it. 

I take a deep breath once I’m seated on my couch again, trying to salvage any sort of peace I might still have. But that tranquility was disappearing in my hands the more I chased it. 

The following day I head to Rhys’ house to talk over the new adjustments in the Day Court trade agreements. It was supposed to be easy enough, but as things got more and more complex it ended up being an all day thing. By the time I walked up the steps to my own townhouse I was exhausted and starving. I wasn’t looking forward to bread for dinner as I had no time to go to the market today. 

I kicked open the door and locked it behind me, the smell of fresh tomatoes and basil wafted through the air causing me to pause in my tracks. Was Lucien here? Had him and Elain gotten in a fight or something?

“Ah shit!” I heard a male cuss followed by the searing of liquid on a burner. 

I curiously walk around the corner of the kitchen where I’m greeted with the sight of Azriel, standing in my apron, reading my cookbook and stirring some sort of sauce. His shadows were helping him turn the pages of the book. I see the spilled sauce on the burner that was the cause of his profanity just moments ago. 

“There you are,” he smirked, his eyes flitting up to mine before reading the book again. 

“Az what are you doing here?” I ask, setting my bag down on the table. 

“Making you dinner,” he said, gesturing to the numerous used pans and utensils lying around my once clean kitchen. 

I walk over to inspect what he’s cooking. Fresh herb crusted chicken cooks in the pan next to him while he stirs a red sauce. In the sink is cooked pasta sitting next to freshly sauteed green beans. I inhale the smell of the food deeply and I can’t help but feel myself salivate a little, it smells delicious. 

“You always dog ear the recipes you want to try but you never make them for fear of not liking them,” he says nonchalantly as he prods at the chicken. 

I look down at the cookbook he’s reading, sure enough the recipe he’s making has a bent corner. I had been itching to try it but had never found the time. 

“If you end up not liking it there’s take out from Rita’s in the ice box,” he said using the spoon to point to the ice box in the corner of the room.

I look up to fully inspect him. This all feels like a ridiculous practical joke. If someone had told me that my spymaster would be cooking me dinner I would’ve laughed in their face. Upon further inspection I realize he’s shirtless, save for my apron he’s wearing. 

“Was the half nudity necessary?” I cock an eyebrow leaning against the counter. 

Azriel barked out a laugh, “It took me a while to find the apron, I had gotten tomato juice on my shirt when I started chopping them up for the sauce so I took it off and washed it,” he explained the corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk. “Plus I figured the whole shirtless bit might win me more brownie points with you.” 

I rolled my eyes at his cockiness, I didn’t dare let him know how right he was. 

He laughed at my reaction, “Why don’t you go sit down, dinner’s almost ready.” he said gesturing to the couch. 

I shrugged my shoulders and padded my way over to my favorite reading spot. The one he found me in yesterday. I plop down on the velvet sofa and there in front of me on the coffee table, my book has been left open to the place I bookmarked and a glass of wine sits for me. I raise an eyebrow but decide to just roll with it, I pick up the book and sip on the wine, becoming engrossed with the story.

A few minutes later I feel the cold begin to bite at my toes. I look around for a blanket and see that the nearest one is across the room. I curse at the idea of having to move, but before I can even set my book down one of Azriel’s shadows is scurrying across the room to retrieve the knitted blanket for me. The wisp of darkness arranges the blanket neatly over my legs, tucking me in like a mother would her child.  I can’t help but laugh at the care the little thing is putting into the job. 

Azriel’s shadows looking out for me was nothing new, the second the bond clicked for me they tended to stay near me. Picking up pens and silverware I dropped on the floor and always twirling around my hair and wrists. There were even times they would try to drag Az near me, like on starfall and solstice, nights I looked especially beautiful. But he would always curse and wave them off until they left him alone. 

The little shadow perched itself on my shoulder as if it too wanted to read my book. I could sense it was trying to anticipate any other small need I might have. 

“You know he might be insufferable but you guys are pretty great,” I laugh looking at the curious being. 

In response the shadow boops itself on my nose as if it was giving me a kiss. 

“Don’t tell them that or they’ll get a big head,” Azriel murmurs behind me where he’s leaning against the doorway between the living room and the kitchen, still shirtless and wearing that damned apron.

“In that case I’ll be sure to praise them more often, they’re little angels,” I smile as the tendril of darkness dances around my collar. 

Azriel lets out a small chuckle behind me, “Dinner is ready,” he tells me before disappearing into the kitchen once more. 

I follow him as the small shadow frantically pulls at my wrist towards the table, as if it’s eager for me to see what it helped its master cook. When I walk into the darkened kitchen and find that Az has set the table not only with our dinner but with candles and another bouquet. This time it’s an arrangement of jasmine, no doubt from the florist down the street. 

I sit down and inhale the heavenly scent of the white flowers and hum in delight. Azriel comes in with a bottle of wine and two glasses, pouring us each a bit. He sees me admiring the flowers and smiles. 

“Jasmine, like your perfume,” he says, putting down the bottle and taking his seat next to me. 

I smile and look down at the plate before me. It looks delicious, the pasta is fragrant with basil, the chicken is cooked to perfection and the green beans are vibrant and green. I lift my fork and dig into the past first. The moment it hits my tongue the flavor melts in my mouth, rich, bold and oh so savory. I let out a moan as my eyes flit to Azriel who is watching me expectantly wondering if I’m going to like it or not. 

“This is incredible,” I say, covering my mouth with my hand so he doesn’t see me chewing. 

“Thank the cauldron I thought I put too much red pepper in,” he breathes out, seemingly relaxing before digging into his own plate. 

“No it’s perfect, thank you really,” I say earnestly. 

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, taking a bite of chicken.

We sit and eat our meals in silence simply enjoying the good food. A little shadow flitted up in front of my face to gauge my reaction to the bite of chicken I was chewing. I couldn’t help but laugh as it shifted like it was cocking its head at me. 

“Yes it’s very good, you did a wonderful job,” I laugh at the little fella. 

My giggle brings Azriel’s attention to me once again and before I know it he’s waving his hand at the little tendril like he’s swatting a fly. 

“Hey go away let her eat for the love of god,” he chastises as the shadow slinks back behind him. 

“Don’t worry it wasn’t bothering me,” I laugh taking another bite of green beans. 

“Yeah well they haven’t been listening lately,” he says looking back at the little shadow that had slinked behind his shoulder like a reprimanded child. 

I shake my head at the two of them interacting and take another sip of wine. To be honest I wasn;t really sure what to say to Azriel. Despite his valiant efforts to win me I still wasn’t ready to abandon the peace I had grown so fond of. 

“You know it’s funny,” he tells me, playing with the food on his plate. “I feel like my shadows have always liked you. It was like they knew before I did,” he laughed nervously at his confession. 

“Maybe so,” I shrug, not wanting to broach the subject, the friendlier we could make this the better.

“I can remember times when they would drag me into any room that had you in it. Most of the time I control them, but when it comes to you? They control me.” he laughs while taking a sip of his wine. 

“Thank you again for dinner,” I say, forcibly changing the topic of conversation. “It’s been a while since I had a home cooked meal. I think the local restaurants have my to-go orders memorized now.” I laugh. 

“Lucein used to cook for you didn’t he?” Azriel asks, and I can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head as I play with the pasta on my plate. 

“Yeah he did, he was a surprisingly good cook too,” I say, recalling the traditional Autumn Court meals he would cook all the time. They were mostly for him, for when he was feeling nostalgic, but he always left some for me as well. 

Azriel sits for a moment as if debating whether or not to say something for a moment. “Did you love him?” he asks. 

My fork clatters to the plate at the abrupt question and I’ve never felt so put on the spot. It was never something I had thought about in regards to the autumn court male. Love seemed like an emotion  that would be reserved for Azriel and Azriel alone, until one day it wasn’t. I didn’t love Lucien, but I certainly stopped loving Az in that way, or at least I think I did.

“No I didn’t” I say honestly turning to meet the shadowsingers gaze. “Lucien and I… it was never like that. We both knew what we needed for each other, it started as just sex. But then he would stay the night, and then we started going to breakfast. His shirts started showing up in the laundry hamper, his books on the coffee table. Eventually I just gave him a key, it seemed like the logical thing to do. We didn’t even label our relationship until he asked me to marry him.” 

“I wasn’t sure,” Azriel said, going back to shyly staring down at the table. “I overheard your conversation that one day. When you asked him about the possibility of having children. You said that you always pictured your children having wings, was that true?” he inquired. 

I nod shallowly, unable to trust my own words in such a raw moment. 

If Az had any other questions he didn’t ask them or press me to talk about the two of us, it was as if he was happy with the answers I did give him. He was perfectly content to let me finish eating my meal in comfortable silence. When I was finished he cleared the table and didn’t let me lift a finger to help clean. Instead those pesky shadows cornered me into reading my book once more. 

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he came in, dressed in his shirt once more to bid me goodnight. He insisted that I stay in my comfortable spot by the couch as he walked himself out locking the door behind him. As the comfortable silence, which I had grown so used to, ensued, I found myself silently wishing he had stayed just a little longer.

The following weeks were spent with little visits from shadows and shadowsingers. Sometimes it would be Azriel showing up at my door with coffee or gifts. Other times, when Rhys had Azriel on missions he would find ways to leave things at my doorstep. The first time it was another bouquet of flowers and then chocolates. 

My favorite gift from Azriel had been the books. The first set he got me was the second and third book in my series. They appeared at my door the morning after he made me dinner with a note that read…

I noticed that you were almost done with your book last night so I went out to get you the second book. I noticed it was a short book so I got you the third in case you finished it in one day like you no doubt will. 

-Azriel

Of course he was right and I finished the second book by the end of the day. When I opened the third, and much longer book, to begin reading it a bookmark fell out and another note. 

I figured you might need a bookmark for this one.

-Azriel

He was right about that as well. 

The next book to be delivered was a classic romance with certain pages, and quotes underlined. His notes scribbled in the margins. Clearly he had taken the time to read the novel himself. When I saw the first annotation I expected his further notes to be corny or cheesy, but each one was well thought out. 

The most recent literally delivery was a small and short book about different types of flowers. Between each of the pages sat a live flower that corresponded with the page. It was possibly the most vibrant and beautiful bouquet I had ever seen and by far my favorite floral gift I had received. 

This week though things had been different. As the colder months were drifting in I started spending more time inside, reading by the fire. But not once had Azriel stopped by. Not a present, not a note to be found. When I subtly asked Rhys were the shadowsinger was he told me he was in the isle of Hybern. 

A week had come and gone without so much as a tendril of a shadow to be seen. I sat infront of my roaring fire with a book in hand trying to escape the bitter cold. Outside the first snowfall of the year had taken the form of a blizzard. I pitied the shopkeepers that would have to walk home in it. 

Around midnight I heard the scraping of metal against stone from outside my house. I jumped out of my skin and quickly looked at the clock noting the late hour. I set down my novel to wrap myself in a blanket and pad over to the front door. I could already hear the winds outside and feel the cold air seeping in through the cracks in the door. 

I open the door to investigate the strange sound and I nearly gasp when I find Azriel outside my house shoveling my walkway with a small shovel from my garden. One meant for digging out plants and trees, not snow. 

“Az what are you doing?” I ask, making the spymaster jump a bit. 

“I’m shoveling your walkway. I didn’t want you to slip tomorrow morning or hurt your back trying to shovel it yourself,” he said, digging into the snow again with the little metal shovel. 

“Oh Az you don’t have to do that,” I coo walking out into the cold pulling my blanket tighter. 

“I don’t have to but I want to,” he said shoveling more snow. “It wouldn’t take so long if I had a bigger shovel.” he grunts, frustrated.

“Well why didn’t you take Rhys’ shovel?” I laughed watching as the overgrown Illyrain tried to mangle the tiny thing. 

“Well I just got back from Hybern, I saw it had snowed and I came here first.” he explained and my heart swelled. He had come to my place first before he even went home. “I figured if I didn’t do it you would fall and break your head open.” 

“Azriel, really you don’t have to do this, I can handle it,” I plead with him feeling bad that he’s subjected himself to the weather. 

He stops his shoveling and turns to look at me, “y/n I want to do this. Don’t worry about it.” he says before looking me up in down seeing that I’m in nothing but a short nightgown and a blanket. “Now go inside before you catch a cold.” 

“Me? What about you?” I laugh looking around at the snow falling around us. 

“I’m Illyrian the snow doesn’t bother me,” he retorts and I can tell that he’s lying by the pink in his cheeks from the cold.

“Well I’m half Illyrian,” I counter, swinging back and forth on my heels. 

“Then I’m sure half of you is really cold,” he rebuttals. “Now go back inside and get warm before I carry you inside myself.” he smirks before shoveling up another heap of snow. 

I just shake my head and retreat to the warm fireplace awaiting me. 

I waltz into the House of Wind  where the Solstice party is in full swing. Lords from neighboring courts are chatting and drinking all around and from the corner of the room I can hear Cassian’s booming laugher as he doubles over at something Helion has said. 

Like almost every solstice party I arrive fashionably late. I truly never mean to be the last to arrive, but it feels like the whole guest list decides to arrive early just to spite me. I make my way around the area where couples and children are dancing to a small quartet and head toward the bar. My dress billows behind me like liquid starlight. Just like every solstice party before this one, I will get by with copious amounts of wine. 

I lean against the bar and watch as Elain and Lucien laugh and giggle across the room. I smile as Elain pops a pastry into Lu’s mouth and I can’t help but feel a warmness in my chest at the two of them. Lucien was finally happy with his mate, and if there was ever someone who deserved such happiness it was him. 

My thoughts are interrupted by a shadowy friend making its presence known. Flying up by my face to say hello and then rushing behind me as if it was called. I turn to see Azriel dressed immaculately staring at me. His eyes flit up and down my body taking in every detail of me.

“You look…” He trails off, shaking his head, as if the words he was going to say wouldn’t be the right ones. “There are no words. Even the poets would get it wrong.”

I can’t help but blush at his choice of words, taking a step toward him as the shadows behind me are pushing me to do so. 

“You clean up pretty good yourself, spymaster,” I chuckle giving him a once over.

He blushes and then speaks again, “I mean it, you look beautiful tonight y/n.” 

I blush again and turn my head to avoid his gaze, like that shade of hazel might burn me from the inside out if I look too long.

“You must allow me to dance with you,” he says, taking both our drinks and placing them on the bar. “Not having you out on that dance floor would be a disservice to everyone here.”

I laugh taking his outstretched hand and allowing him to lead me to the dancefloor, “Alright Az you’ve convinced me, but only because I know you won’t step on my feet,” 

We fall into a comfortable motion, swaying back and forth to the slow tempoed song the quartet is playing. The couples around us filter around us, some lost in deep conversation, some embraced closely swaying to the song. I keep my eyes on them, knowing that Azriel’s gaze is on me. 

Memories of a solstice much like this one float through my mind. The way my feet ached before Azriel saved me, sweeping me up into a dance. The way the bond felt when it snapped into place for me. I had pulled on it so desperately hoping he might feel it too. I thought of all the years of agony that followed that night. Watching Az fall for Mor and later on Elain. Hearing my brother and Cassian talking about Azriel’s exploits in bedding local women. All of it tore me apart and it took over 200 years to rebuild the part of me that I had lost. I wondered if I would ever be whole like that again. 

I hear Elain and Lucien’s laughter once more, the sound breaking me from my thoughts as Azriel and I continue to sway to the music. 

“They make a great couple,” Azriel’s deep voice rumbles through me. 

I smile watching Lucine place a kiss to his mates lips, “They really do,” I say with a lightness to my voice. 

“Do you think we’ll ever be like that?” He asks tentatively and my world comes crashing down. 

“Az,” I say and his face falls at the dismissal in my tone. 

“Why not y/n? Why can’t we have a shot like they can?” Azriel says starting to get upset.

As if on queue the song that the quartet is playing ends and I hear the musicians flipping through their sheet music to find the next song. I pull my hands out of Azriel’s and take a few steps back.

“I think it’s time for me to go,” I say calmly, trying not to let the damn of tears break. I swiftly move past him towards the door. 

“Y/n wait!” I hear him call out behind me but I’m already out the door, my tears falling down my face as I make my way back to that empty townhouse in the middle of the city. 

The rain outside my house slams into the window violently. Spring has come early in Velaris and I wasn’t exactly upset about it. At least I wasn’t until this torrential downpour blew into town. I hadn’t seen rain like this in the Night Court for at least a hundred years now.

It’s been weeks since solstice and it seems that Azriel has finally taken the hint and left me alone. I hadn’t heard a peep from him since that dance. Not a flower, chocolate or shadow to be seen and while I should be happy about it I had never been sadder. After all the walls I put up trying to keep my peace it seemed that he had succeeded in breaking them down again. 

I sat by the fire staring down at the dancing flames, no book, not even a glass of wine or tea. Just me and my all consuming thoughts. Each one of them led back to hazel eyes and blue siphons. 

I jump at the sound of a fist pounding on my door. Pulling my sweater tighter to cover up my nightgown I walk over to investigate who would have the guts to stand out in this monsoon at this hour. When I open the door I find Azriel bracing his arms against the doorframe, out of breath like he ran here. His hair soaking wet and sticking to his brow as the rain pelted him. 

“Az?” I shout over the sound of rain. 

“I can’t go on like this any longer y/n, I won’t do it!” he shouts over the storm. 

“Az it’s pouring what are you-” 

“I love you y/n!” he shouts stopping me mid sentence. “From the moment I met you I knew. I wanted so badly to put my hands around your waist and kiss you. And if you’re wondering why that seems like such an adolescent dream it’s because that’s what we both were. I was 117 years old and  you were 115 and that’s all I wanted. I knew little of love, even less of lust. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss you,” he hollers over the sound of rain wiping the water from his eyes.

“I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve hurt you, but I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, because I love you. And I don’t care that you don’t love me too, because I love you y/n. I choose to love you!” he finishes and I can’t tell if it's rain falling from his eyes or tears that match my own. 

I choose to love you.

I take a shaky breath and take in the sheer desperation on his face, “I love you too Azriel,” I laugh feeling another tear slip down my cheek. 

He doesn’t waste a moment, stepping through my threshold and cupping my cheek to place a searing kiss on my lips. I melt into him, feeling his clothes soaking my own as my nightgown clings to my skin. His hands are on my waist, scarred and cold from the elements but still so intoxicating. My arms wrap around him pulling him further into the entryway. I hear him slam the door shut with his boot drowning out the sound of rain leaving only the music of our ragged breaths as he kisses me deeper. 

He pulls away to press his forehead to mine, his wet hair and skin causing drops of water to cascade down my own face. 

“I love you so much,” he breathes cupping my cheek to press a chaste kiss to my lips. “My mate.”

I pull him in deeper at the utterance of those two little words. I had waited 400 years for this male to kiss me, and this kiss right here? Well it made everything all the more worth it. 

Epilogue: 5 years later

I stand outside on the lawn of the townhouse. My arms clutching around the sweater I’m wearing as the fresh spring air blows over my skin. My hands drift lower to the small bump of my stomach. 

I was only a few months pregnant and barely starting to show. Elain had told me that it would be a girl claiming she had seen it in a vision. I couldn’t have been more excited for Azriel to be a girl dad. 

“You’re doing it son!” I hear my mate call from the sky where he teaches our son to fly. 

“Dad, I'm flying!” the onyx haired child shouted as he flapped his wings to pick up some speed.

At first I was apprehensive of him learning to fly so early, even though it had always been a dream of mine to watch my children learn to fly. But Azriel had assured me that the youngster was more than ready, and after a few weeks of lessons here he was taking to the air like a natural. 

I look around at the townhouse behind me. It had seen some significant changes since the night Azriel stood in the rain and told me he loved me. The front yard was littered with toy swords and shields, and the outside had a fresh coat of paint. The inside had a room addition, a room for our son, Kai, and now we're adding another room for our daughter. All paid for by Rhys of course who was more than happy to give his nephew and niece everything under the sun.

My thoughts are interrupted by Azriel slamming into the ground before me. I turn to see him walking over to me with a smile on his face. 

“Az shouldn’t you be up there with him?!” I fuss looking to where our son swoops and dives through the air. 

Azriel laughs and picks me up bridal style, pressing a kiss to my lips. 

“It didn’t feel right being up there without my girls,” he smiled nodding to my bump. 

Without warning he took off into the sky meeting Kai up there. We must’ve spent hours flying around the city, stopping by every uncle and aunt's house to show them Kai’s new skill. Everything was perfect, and for the first time in my whole life, I finally knew peace.

(Do you guys want a smutty bonus chapter of what they did after he confessed his love???)

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[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Tbh, timeline is the least of my problem with Miraculous. I was born around the time Detective Conan released and 20 smt years later the he's still first grade elementary, so yeah, I'm so used to the whole comic book timeline. My problem is with how fast he "fell in love" with Marinette, the girl who he rarely talk to because she always got tongue tied in front of him, the girl who he think is hated him in pupetter 2. Which also the episode the writers claimed to be the episode when Adrien fell in love with her.

Anyway, Adrien get over Emilie's death in less than a year is weird yet he's also a character who tend to keep everything bottled inside and also an "actor". I think many people already write about how good of an actor he is. The fact that we rarely get his POV also doesn't help in grasping his thought about his mother's death.

In special (I watch FR dub) though, we got an implication that he hasn't truly move on but he tried to. When asked by Griffe Noir about why he never try to get the wish despite knowing it could revive his (our) mother, he admitted that he has thought about it. It's the price that he wouldn't want to put to anyone. Life for a life.

“I resumed my life, trying to be happy just like what she would've wanted. I have friends who support me. I'm alright now. ...well, as alright as possible anyway."

I read the line as Adrien being "fake it till I make it" and he haven't fully move on, he's just good at hiding it. Which is pretty in character for him imo. The thing about being "easy children" is that everyone tend to think you're always alright, that you have no problem and with a parent with emotional immaturity like Gabriel being an easy children is a must, or punishment awaits him. So the combination of "what Emilie would like him to do" and Gabriel parenting who hates when Adrien being emotional, we got this child who tried to be okay and griefing alone.

I agree that the timeline isn't a huge deal, it's just kinda fun to point out how nuts it is. Adrien falling in love with Marinette is far less fun to talk about because I don't buy it for a second. Especially since it's literally the episode after Jubilation. You know, that episode where Chat Noir and Ladybug got married and had a bunch of kids? That's the thing that makes him give up on Ladybug? REALLY???

And then they have the audacity to claim that Marinette is the one who is lying to herself about her crush flip:

Alya: You're lying to yourself anyway, you’re in love with Adrien. (Elation, S5E9)

Because Marinette giving up on a guy she barely talks to after her crush lost her all of the miraculouses is totally ridiculous, but Adrien giving up on his partner who he's closer to than ever before makes perfect sense. Right.

I mean, I know crushes don't have to make sense, but this is a story not real life! This is not how you tell a convincing love story!

Re Emilie, you make a fair point about the special actually acknowledging Adrien's pain. It was a nice moment and I agree with how you say Adrien should be played. I just don't think that's actually what the writers are going for since season five has Adrien never talk about Emilie and ends with her statue destroyed so that Adrienette can have a new makeout spot. I really think we're supposed to read Adrien as fully moved on, possibly from both of his parents. It's really gross. Unless season six surprises us and Emilie is back, which might actually be enough to make me watch it. I really doubt it, though.

[faeriemarie]

a guide to SOME my drs

contains: harry potter (golden era), marauders, stranger things, dash & lily, x-men, a few fame drs, and a 1900’s historical dr

harry potter

ravenclaw who is best friends with cho

like literally inseparable

we are the hogwarts “it” girls and everyone is obsessed with us

they want to dress like us and talk like us and be as stunningly beautiful and intelligent

so many people have a crush on me

including but not limited to: hermione, ginny, harry, ron, roger davies, neville, luna, and george weasley

marauders

i’m going into my 5th year as a ravenclaw at hogwarts

was never friends with the marauders (save for sirius)

always really good friends since 1st year

and we became practically like siblings

when he ran away, he runs to my house

and my parents welcome him with open arms

give him his own room and make him do chores

it’s like we’ve been siblings forever

then he introduces me to his friends

and remus and james both have crushes on me

and think i’m sirius’ real sister

love triangle ensues

stranger things #1

og female member of the party since 2nd grade

and will is basically my brother

i’ve known him longer than mike has

not so secret crush on thee mike wheeler

i play as a monk in d&d (although i’m not sure that role even existed in the 80’s)

eleven never crushes on mike and only has a friendship with him

when she meets me, she idolizes me and wants to BE me because i’m so cool

i become friends with max first

and stalk for the guys

devising plans with will on how to force lucas and max together

basically just tween fun time (with monsters ofc)

stranger things #2

teenager era starting in season 2

im a loser and friends with jonathan byers

im a major theatre kid and we became friends when he took pictures for our school musical

and ofc im friends with robin because she’s in pit

accidentally get involved with demodogs things when dustin recruits me to go with him and steve

i get to bond with steve and our romance starts

but nothing actually HAPPENS until season 3 over the summer

after he’s gotten over nancy and robin can force us together

stranger things #3

popular!marie x loser!mike

cheerleader who’s new to hawkins

i befriend lucas and he invites me to hellfire club

of course i join!!

i used to play d&d all the time with my cousins in new york

when i walk in, everyone is suspicious of me

but mike is so whipped

eddie doesn’t believe i even know how to play

but i bring out my character sheet and im literally at a higher level than him

… he is mildly impressed

so i’m allowed to join

and i bond with the guys

and mike walks me home every day (even though he’s still dating el)

will i come between them and break them up?

i am the drama fr

dash & lily

i’m lily but i have a different name, face, etc.

mostly the same personality tho

it follows the basic plot

i put the notebook between franny and zooey

we exchange dares

dash gets back together with sofia

my bully is an oc instead of annoying ugly-ass edgar

we meet

i get drunk

we get together

yadayadayada you get it

x-men (prequel series)

i attend xavier’s school where my bestie is jubilee

i have chlorokenesis but i can control my powers the best of anyone

half dating peter maximoff but not really

he flirts with me all the time and i pretend like i hate it

everyone ships us tho

especially kurt and jean

2000’s actress

my resume includes…

cecilia in the virgin suicides

bianca stratford

lana in the princess diaries

louise in gilmore girls

elizabeth in pride & prejudice

rose in doctor who

emily in the devil wears prada

sophie in mamma mia

giselle in enchanted

summer in 500 days of summer

and more

early 2010’s fame dr

famous for a few cult classics like

sam in the perks of being a wallflower

or nicki in the bling ring

but i was also clara in doctor who

and i dated a couple notable celebrities

toby regbo… james mcavoy… thomas brodie-sangster

oh and i’m trending on 2012 tumblr

because i single-handedly revived indie sleaze

and had a flirtationship with alex turner

pretty much the whole am album is about me

dating finn wolfhard fame dr (heavily influenced by the posts of @wheelcr)

angsty and edgy poet and playwright

who graduated high school at 15 and has a bachelor’s degree in linguistics by 19

start dating in 2021

and fans are so obsessed with me

they even jumpstart my poetry career

and some high schools / colleges get the rights to my plays

so cool

ballerina for royal ballet

i started with them when i was very young

getting cast in the nutcracker as a party guest

and i work my way up

i debut with the professional company when i’m 15

with my debut ballet being romeo and juliet

i go on to star in mayerling, onegin, cinderella, anastasia, coppelia, sylvia, swan lake, sleeping beauty, don quixote, giselle, la bayadere, and sylphide all before i turn 25

plus i’m nursing a minor film career in the off season

just small movies like

phantom of the opera 2004 as christine

or atonement as cecilia tallis

i’m just an icon honestly

1910 small town america vibe

the vibe of our town and tuck everlasting

i’m just a small town girl and the brightest student ever seen

i get the highest grades and the town loves me

my parents are highly respected and educated citizens

plus 3 different guys are courting me, including:

a childhood friend who’s loved me for years

college boy studying to be a doctor

and a young reporter and assistant to my dad at our local paper

how ever will i choose?

[timhatchlive]

When Its Almost Over

The most helpful thing about reading the Bible is to learn about the many times God's people were almost done for and it turned out fine or even better than expected in the end. Isaiah 36 introduces us to a moment in Judah's history where it seems that their history is almost over. 

Isaiah 36:1 (ESV) In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah, Sennacherib king of Assyria came up against all the fortified cities of Judah and took them.

Have you ever sensed the enemy standing at your door? And I'm not talking about your front door. I'm talking about your bedroom door. He's taken ground, he's encroached upon your life and you feel overwhelmed by a sense of seeming inevitable end. You will be there. It happens to some of God's best. In this case, it happens to Hezekiah. For the first time since the first verse of Isaiah's writing, Hezekiah's name shows up in the text. It is quite interesting that it happens to show up at the dark moment of Sennacherib's invasion. This is the truth about trouble. It puts the spotlight on you when you least desire it. 

Sennacherib sends a message in this chapter to the people under Hezekiah's reign:

Isaiah 36:4–7 (ESV) And the Rabshakeh said to them, “Say to Hezekiah, ‘Thus says the great king, the king of Assyria: On what do you rest this trust of yours? 5 Do you think that mere words are strategy and power for war? In whom do you now trust, that you have rebelled against me? 6 Behold, you are trusting in Egypt, that broken reed of a staff, which will pierce the hand of any man who leans on it. Such is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who trust in him. 7 But if you say to me, “We trust in the LORD our God,” is it not he whose high places and altars Hezekiah has removed, saying to Judah and to Jerusalem, “You shall worship before this altar”?

How insulting to be taunted by someone in front of your subordinates. But again, it happens to some of God's best. When Christ, God's SON hung on the cross, the rulers and religious leaders taunted Him in full view of his disciples and Mary. 

There are a few deceptions in Rabshekah's words and it's instructive to point them out. 

Isaiah 36:8 (ESV) Come now, make a wager with my master the king of Assyria: I will give you two thousand horses, if you are able on your part to set riders on them.

The enemy offers peace. There is never peace with him. He comes to steal kill and destroy. 

Isaiah 36:10 (ESV) Moreover, is it without the LORD that I have come up against this land to destroy it? The LORD said to me, “Go up against this land and destroy it.” ’ ”

The enemy pits you against God. What the messenger says here is true according to Isaish 10:5-6. Assyria was God's tool to chastise Israel. But true theology helps us understand that even what God brings into our lives that opposes us is useful to shape us and draw us closer to Him, not set us against Him. 

Isaiah 36:16–17 (ESV) Do not listen to Hezekiah. For thus says the king of Assyria: Make your peace with me and come out to me. Then each one of you will eat of his own vine, and each one of his own fig tree, and each one of you will drink the water of his own cistern, 17 until I come and take you away to a land like your own land, a land of grain and wine, a land of bread and vineyards.

The enemy offers you what only God can guarantee you. These blessings are the blessings of those who obey the Lord, not those who negotiate with the devil. 

Isaiah 36:18 (ESV) Beware lest Hezekiah mislead you by saying, “The LORD will deliver us.” Has any of the gods of the nations delivered his land out of the hand of the king of Assyria?

The enemy typically beefs up his resume to intimidate us. It doesn't matter what he says about himself, we need to remember what God has said about him - satan is defeated and his doom is certain. There may be moments God lets the enemy lead you to the end of yourself but it's just the beginning of God in you, the hope of Glory!

What is the proper response in all these vicious messages from our enemy?

Isaiah 36:21 (ESV) But they were silent and answered him not a word, for the king’s command was, “Do not answer him.”

Don't converse. That was the woman's mistake in Genesis 3. And in the next chapter Hezekiah does what we need to do in those moments when the enemy seems to be breathing down our neck.

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[thewhiteroseofvermilion]

Moving Forward

Hello everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve last spoken to you all, and an even longer time since I’ve last updated this story. Over the months and years, my absence has saddened, frustrated, and even angered many of you. Despite my own valid feelings of how—to put it bluntly—I don’t owe any of you anything as this is something I do for free and in my own free time, I still recognize how it must feel for you all to see something you enjoy so much slowly lose momentum and eventually grind to a halt. Furthermore, my habit of making enthusiastic yet empty statements in between didn’t help either. 

As such, a proper and honest explanation is due, as anything less would be unkind. This will be lengthy, but please bear with me. 

For the past four years, it’s been increasingly difficult to find the time, energy, and motivation for me to properly sit down and write. Seemingly gone are the early days of this story’s life when I was able to publish a new chapter every month or so, or even every two weeks when I was at the top of my game in terms of activeness. Even though I had an immense workload due to being a double major in college, leading me to adopt the best work ethic I’ve ever had, I still led a sheltered lifestyle where I didn’t have to worry about the many looming, inevitable adult responsibilities that were ahead of me.

Those tranquil years of course came to an end when I graduated, and I soon felt immense pressure to shift my attention to finding work, living independently, and working on things that would further my career. While I received support as an aspiring writer from the majority of my family, those being my mother and sister, the both of them commented more frequently as time passed by that my “fanfiction” wasn’t something that I should be spending so much time on anymore. After all, it’s not like I could sell the work as my own, and the fact that despite fanfiction absolutely being a valid artform, it wasn’t something that the world of professional employers cared about. 

Nonetheless, when I did eventually find work as a film freelancer, I still tried to persevere and write on the side. My goal back then was to work in film in order to sustain my pursuit in writing. Film was something I went to school for, greatly enjoyed, and even saw a possible future career for myself in, but it was the writing aspect of it that I was truly after, that being primarily screenwriting. 

After two years of living at home, I felt the need to try and live independently as I outgrew my tiny room and my mom started dating a man that I didn’t particularly like. I knew it wasn’t financially smart of me to do so when my mom allowed me to live with her rent-free. But at the time I thought that it would help me to become more mature and productive, as I would have to force myself to work in order to put a roof over my head and food on the table—as opposed to living a sheltered life at home where everything was taken care of for me. Essentially, I was longing for the lifestyle I had in college, thinking that once I returned to it, I would be able to reacquire that once incredible work ethic I had. 

So, I became roommates with a friend from college and together we rented a townhouse together. Rent wasn’t terribly expensive, but it wasn’t cheap either. Regardless, I was able to make ends meet. My greatest challenge however, was to live up to my family’s spoken and unspoken expectations. On one hand, my mother was sweet and understanding, naturally giving me her full support. My father, on the other, always thought that it’d be better for me to pursue something safer and more lucrative, and to not risk being a starving artist. But the one I had to prove myself the most to was my older sister, who was wildly more successful than I was—financially and professionally. My pay compared to hers was like a drop in a bucket, and I felt both indirect and direct pressure from her to be more “professional” like her. Therefore, I threw myself into my work, which is when things slowly began to go downhill. 

As a film freelancer, my work hours usually averaged between 10-12 hours a day, and with my work taking me all over my home state of Maryland and even into neighboring Washington DC and Virginia, my commute time to and from work ranged anywhere from an additional 1-3 hours. It became incredibly common for me to wake up for work anywhere between 3-6 AM and not get home until 8-10 PM. 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I slowly slipped into a routine where when I did have the “time” to write, I had zero energy or motivation as my work was so taxing. I reached the point where I had to drink two energy drinks with 300mg of caffeine to get myself to and from work. I saw less and less of my roommate and friends. I spent an alarming amount of money and gained weight from ordering take-out so often because I hadn’t the energy to cook for myself when I got home late from work. There would even be days when I fell into what felt like comas, sleeping up to two days straight at one point. My physical, mental, and emotional health was in serious decline. And yet I didn’t see it that way, as I had become obsessed with trying to prove to my family, my sister in particular, that I wasn’t a failure and that my pursuit of writing wasn’t a hopeless one.

During the first month of COVID-19′s outbreak last year, I finally had a much-needed vacation. This was undoubtedly the best time for me to have returned to writing—but I didn’t. At this point, so much time had passed since my last proper writing session that the few times I did try to write, I found myself completely unable to write anything. I was so out of practice and so out of touch with what I had written. This honestly frightened me, and I soon began to doubt if I could ever be able continue the story with the same quality that so many readers fell in love with. Regrettably, I fled from this revelation long enough for a full month to pass by, and I soon found myself busy with yet another distraction: unemployment. 

I was out of work for about 4.5 months, from the middle of March to the beginning of August. During this time, I had to rely on state unemployment, which earned me great scorn from my older sister. Our relationship had always been uneven since we were kids, but it was becoming increasingly toxic as of late since our college years. I felt so ashamed to tell her how much money I made in a year from my job as a film freelancer, and how I barely managed to move to a better position after four years of work. Riddled with guilt and disappointment in myself, when work became readily available again in August, I frantically threw myself back in harder than ever before. In the past where I had turned down the occasional job to give myself some time to relax or in order to make it to a social outing with friends, I now accepted every job thrown my way, only declining those that would make me double-book myself. I earned a lot of money during those months as a result, and I was so happy to finally distance myself from the stigma of being “unemployed.” However, I once again failed to see that I was yet again sliding back into the lifestyle that had been slowly poisoning me for the past two years. 

After essentially working non-stop from August to March, my body, mind, and soul soon returned right back to the brink of collapse. It wasn’t until then at my lowest point when I finally realized how I initially went from working to sustain myself in order to write, to not writing at all and only working to sustain myself to work even more. It was truly scary to see myself fall victim to a brutal cycle of unfulfilling work that could have trapped me for years to come if I hadn’t broken free first. That’s when I realized that my lifestyle was personally unsustainable, and that something had to change. 

Henceforth, I’ve made the difficult decisions to both transition out of film freelancing and to soon return home to live with my father. At the end of April, the homeowner of the townhouse my roommate and I had been living in for close to three years gave us our 30-days-notice to vacate, as they no longer wished to rent but to sell the property. As my roommate had been planning on finding a place of his own with his girlfriend for quite some time, we split amicably at the end of last month in May and I’ve since moved into a temporary apartment with a friend who has traveled back to Maryland for seasonal work. 

Regarding the change in my career, I’ve been looking into applying for writing positions for something that I’ve grown to enjoy over the past few years, which is to write reviews for media such as film, anime, and videogames. This of course is not what I truly want to do in life, but I think that because it actually involves writing, it would be both good practice in terms of practicing my writing and experience in terms of resume-building. Furthermore, a stable “9-5″ job as such would be good for me, I think, as it would introduce some desperately needed structure back into my life. Being a freelancer was definitely fun as I had the power to choose my own schedule, but it unfortunately fostered a lot of laziness and procrastination when I wasn’t completely burnt out. 

I’ve shared with you all this information, a great deal of it being very personal, in the hopes that it helps you better understand who I am as a person and what I’ve been going through these past four years. 

I understand that my word may be difficult to trust due to my history, but I sincerely wish to let you all know from the bottom of my heart that I do plan on continuing writing The White Rose of Vermilion until it’s completed. My fears and insecurities may have alienated me from that promise, but not once did I ever entertain the idea of fully dropping the story. And I promise you, I never will. It most likely will not further my career in any way, bring any revenue in, and will continue to consume a great deal of my precious free time—yet I still choose to pursue continuing it because I can’t see a future where I don’t finish it.

It is after all my most cherished project; the reason that I was able to truly find my calling as an aspiring writer, its success also ultimately being the proof to my mother that I had some skill as a budding writer, who then gave me her full blessings to pursue it as a career. But most important of all is that it’s the reason why I was able to experience first-hand one of the most important and beautiful discoveries in my entire life. That being the incredible phenomenon of how art is like a beacon—its bright light is powerful enough to reach out and inspire others to create art of their own. From Monty Oum to Nancy Phetchareune to myself, I was blessed enough to see readers create wonderful fanart to show me or tell me in a review that reading my story had inspired them to create something of their own.

I am officially leaving behind my prolonged hiatus and returning to working on The White Rose of Vermilion. While I am extremely hesitant to even estimate when the next chapter will be published, please know that I am genuinely trying to leave behind my habits of old and returning to a more consistent schedule. 

The White Rose of Vermilion will return in:

Arc II, Chapter Twenty-Seven: Stranger in the Night

[nyxxhexx]

🎉 2021 Channeled Musical Messages for the Signs 🎉

Read for your Sun, Moon, Rising, and Venus 🌌

Overall Theme of 2021

Colors pt. II by Halsey

This is the follow-up to a year of heartache, heart break, disappointment, disillusionment, forgetfulness, and forgoing all that was meant to be ours. Now, we begin this new year on a hopeful note - we step into all that was meant to be and believe that it belongs to us. The colors begin to shift from monochrome to radiant, and light falls upon even the darkest of nights.

You are going to be okay.

Aries

We Are Sex Bob-Omb by Sex Bob-Omb

This year is irreverent. Declare who you are proudly and loudly, and don't let anyone forget it. Say what you need to say as it comes; don't let a single moment pass you by. Live for immediacy. Jump on chances when they come. You never know when you'll get another opportunity - last year proved that more than anything. You're ready for all that is coming, so be prepared to jump into the unknown. Find others who are willing to jump with you (or, at the very least, who are willing to wait for you at the bottom!) You will not walk through this year alone, even if you will it. Trust in the process, and accept that you are loved.

Taurus

Thnks fr th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy

It's time to let go of them. You know who. They aren't following you into this year, and holding on to them as more than they really are will only prove to be harmful. You have so much potential for love - stop pretending like you don't have feelings. Embrace newness; embrace change; embrace difference. Once you look back with clear eyes, you'll realize the memories are tinged with nostalgia and unrealistic expectations. Stop comparing others and view everyone with new eyes - they are each their own person, and not treating them as such will only lead to more heartbreak and disappointment. It's time to make the change, so make it. Jealousy will get you nowhere.

Gemini

Teddy Picker by Arctic Monkeys

It's not all it's cracked up to be. You have dreams and plans for this year, but you need to reevaluate what you think you want. Temper your expectations accordingly. The impossible can happen, and this year will be better - this isn't a message of discouragement, but a message of realistic expectations. Things don't just happen; they don't just change because the calendar shifts. You will get all you want, but you must actively put in the effort for it to ensure it's yours. Make sure you really want all you're pursuing. Don't waste your time on anything that's not worth your time and effort; throw yourself into everything else whole-heartedly. Just make sure it's not a distraction from something else. You deserve straightforward paths and clear conversation; never settle for any less. Make sure those around you know that, and this year will change for the better for certain. You already know the first step, so proceed boldly and with confidence in yourself.

Cancer

Forgiven, Not Forgotten by the Corrs

Do you really want to sit there and watch your days pass you by? You've been crying over this for so long; last year drew a lot of tears, but it's time for them to stop. You're still holding on; now it's time to let go. You need to tie up some of these loose ends before you can move into 2021. It's okay - the year's start can wait for you, but it won't wait long. Get up and start making moves towards forgiving yourself and forgetting others. You cannot accept all that this new year has for you until you make room by releasing the old one. You've been promised color and vibrancy - the blues and greys will fade over time, blossoming into reds, pinks, yellows, and brighter blues. You're ready to move on; all that's stopping you is yourself. Nobody is worth holding onto this way - especially no man. Let him go and accept the change for good. You're ready to move on once and for all. But just because you forget doesn't mean they will; if those old memories pop back up in your life, hold your ground and push them back out. You deserve better, so open yourself to it to receive it at last.

Leo

Goodbye Graceful by Falling In Reverse

You're leaving behind something good. Maybe that's okay, and maybe it isn't. If you really need to move on, move on gracefully and without malice. Burning this bridge isn't going to help you at all; you might need to cross it again in the future. Take all that you've learned in 2020 and apply it to the new year - if you forget all that happened, what was it all for? Yes, it was terrible, but there is something to be learned even from the worst events. Sometimes you just need to know that, no matter what happened, you survived. You lived through it all, and you will be okay again. Take time for yourself, but don't cut everyone off. You are loved by so many, so find the balance between the need for isolation and the need to surround yourself with others. Trust those who prove they can be trusted, and bow out gracefully from those who can't. Have faith that everything will work out - this year is a year for believing in the impossible, so believe. Trust in the bell curve; things are gradually going to get better until you finally find what you're looking for.

Virgo

I'm Legit by Nicki Minaj and Ciara

This year is about shaking up your routine. Step out of your comfort zone and embrace your inner Leo. You're the best of the best, you know that, now flaunt it. Brag on yourself like you're writing a resume. You deserve top shelf everything, so splurge. Treat yourself to what you want, even if it doesn't seem practical. Above all else, remember that you don't have to change yourself to do any of this. You don't need to change your appearance, your lifestyle, or your friend group - you just need to change your mindset. These two ideals might not seem to be compatible at first, but over time you'll realize how they fit together to better your life and make 2021 all it's meant to be.

Libra

My Propeller by Arctic Monkeys

The situation is urgent now, but don't rush it. You've been building towards something for the entirety of 2020, but it hasn't quite come to pass yet. Carry on towards it - the new year doesn't automatically shift things. You're very close to achieving that goal; the planets are synergizing, everything's falling into place. Make those last few moves. Say what you need to say, do what you need to do, and don't let time keep passing without setting things in stone. The time for waiting is over - the situation can't get started on its own. You have to set it into motion now, then keep the momentum going until you cross that finish line. Don't give up now; keep pushing for what you want and it'll come to you. Just be sure you do so with great purpose of movement and very, very carefully. Rushing things will only make them fall apart, but moving slowly and with purpose will make all the difference. Luck is on your side here; put it all into practice with faith, and you'll achieve your goals. The waiting between now and then is just a necessary evil, but it'll build your strength and stamina for the event itself. In the end, you'll be happy you didn't rush things, and everything will work out.

Scorpio

Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But... by Arctic Monkeys

In 2020, you let far too many people suck the life, love, and energy out of you. That will not go on any longer. You know what you deserve now, so stop denying yourself everything you know you're owed. There will be no more thinking about all you could have or should have done; there will be only doing. Cut off the people who drain you once and for all. Instead, surround yourself with people who give and take in equal measure. Don't retreat too far into yourself, though - your instinct may be to run completely and hide behind your walls, but those instincts are wrong. You've got to find a way to walk the line and achieve balance. If you don't, you'll fall too far to either side, and getting back to the middle will be difficult, but not impossible. Maintain your balancing act and ask for help, no matter sure you are you can do it all on your own. There are those in your life who are ready and willing. Just say the word and they'll be there.

Sagittarius

All I Need by Matchbox Twenty

You already know what you need this year. What are you waiting for? What's stopping you? If it isn't monumental, then it's already yours; if it is, then believe in the impossible. What you have right now isn't a permanent solution to filling the hole in your chest. You've been searching and searching for fulfillment. Now, it's time to claim it. Reach out and take that missing piece - and then start helping those around you find theirs. The dream isn't over for any of you, so don't give up, and don't let them give up either. It can be hard to trust our own instincts, so trust the messages meant for you. Trust the synchronicities and confirmations. This is just the first of many, so keep an eye out; you're already being guided in the right direction.

[ryosei-hime]

Laugh, Laugh, Cry: A Riot Rental

Angel rents Robo-Fizz to get to know him better. I should probably note that this is set pre-pilot, so it's just Angel on his own for the most part. With Cherri as his main friend and support. Also available on AO3.

Angel put out his cigarette and blew one last cloud of smoke in the air as he leaned back on the chaise lounge in his dressing room, waiting for his special delivery. He turned the business card the robotic jester had given him in his fingers lazily as he thought about it. 

He didn’t know why he’d bothered to call and rent him. He didn’t find him particularly attractive, not physically anyways. He certainly exuded a sexual energy that Angel could appreciate but the clown aesthetics were just all wrong for him. 

But he had a certain kind of charisma that made Angel want to get to know him more. Something mysterious? Chaotic, that was for sure. He seemed like he could be fun to party with and this was the easiest way to get in contact with him. He looked up at a knock on his door and smiled. 

“Come in.” 

The door swung open and Fizz posed seductively against the door frame, running his hands down his body as he shook his hips a bit. 

“Sp-special delivery.” He looked suddenly surprised to see him. “Why, Mr. Spider! We me-eet again.” 

“Like you didn’t know,” Angel sat up, a pair of hands gripping the edge of the chaise as he pushed himself forward. The other pair crossed as he gave Fizz an unimpressed look. “My name’s on the door.” 

“So, it is.” Fizz said with a grin, studying the star there as if just noticing it before stepping back out suddenly.

Angel quirked a brow and craned his neck in an attempt to see where he’d gone. Fizz did a short cartwheel back into the room, a stretchy arm pulling the door closed behind him as he landed on his knees and slid to the chaise lounge. His hands gripped the edge next to Angel’s to stop his momentum, leaning up towards his face. 

“Hi, hot st-stuff.” 

Angel didn’t move or let on how impressed he was by the new entrance. He did have his flair and his erratic behavior made Angel want to see what he’d do next. But he didn’t have to let Fizz know that.

“Hi, yerself,” he replied coolly.  

“Miss me?” 

“You left an impression.”

His free hands came up to cup the jester’s face. He had an adoring look as he stared up at him. Not that Angel wasn’t used to being admired. But he suspected it was no strange thing to Fizz either and he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t all part of the act. He was a client right now, after all. Fizz turned his face in towards a palm, smiling. 

“Wh-what’s on the agenda, sweethea-eart?” 

“Nothin’ really. Just wanted to see ya again.” 

Angel released his face and leaned back, posing just a bit. He didn’t feel comfortable enough with the other entertainer to drop the cool porn star act yet. Fizz stayed on his knees, and Angel could feel his eyes tracking up and down his body. It made him smile. 

“Like what ya see, pal?” 

“Who do-doesn’t like a masterpiece?” 

“Good one.” He smirked and held up a finger, beckoning him. “Get up here. If yer good, I’ll let ya touch the art.” 

Fizz did as he was told and joined Angel on the chaise lounge, keeping his hands to himself. Well, wasn’t he the obedient one? Not quite what he expected after the scene he’d caused when they’d met.

“What was all that at the party about?” 

“Fun,” Fizz replied, grinning. 

“You make a habit of pissin’ off yer clients?” 

“O-only the ones I don’t like en-enough to see again.” 

“Not a very good business practice.” 

“I don’t get to ke-ep the money so why should I ca-are? It’s more about what I think’s worth the b-beating.” 

Fizz’s voice was as sharp as his teeth and Angel wondered if that was the mask slipping a bit or still part of his act. 

“Ya got a phone?” 

“For wo-ork.” 

“That’s what I thought. Here.” 

Angel tossed a cheap prepaid flip phone at him. He looked a little confused as he caught it. 

“One your boss don’t have access to.” 

“Th-thanks, but I can’t give you fr-free sexting.” 

“I don’t wanna see ya as a client.” Fizz tilted his head slightly in confusion. “Thought we could hang out off the clock sometime.” 

Fizz chuckled. It started out low before he burst into a full on cackle. Angel raised an eyebrow and eyed him uncertainly. 

“What’s so fuckin funny?” 

“I’m always on the clo-ock. I don’t need to eat, sle-eep, or br-breathe. And I’m literal pr-property. You think I get ti-ime to myself? That’s the hei-height of hilarity.” 

“What, you never stop workin?” 

“Only for m-maintenance. An-nd as you can see, there’s as little of th-that as they can get away with.” 

“Shit, and I thought I had it hard.” Angel looked genuinely disappointed. “How’re we ‘spose to party together if ya don’t have time off?” 

Fizz looked intrigued. 

“You really want to be fr-friends?” 

“Sure, why not?” 

Fizz seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“I have an idea.” He grinned from ear to ear. “Offer to t-train me.” 

“Train ya in what?” 

“Acting. You’re the b-best porn star in the industry-y. Make Mammon think you could im-improve my ability to acquire repeat cu-customers and you’d even get paid to be with m-me.” 

Angel grinned back. 

“I like it. Yer more than a pretty face, huh?” 

Fizz’s conniving smirk turned into an innocent smile as he put a finger to his lips and tilted his head, eyes wide to enhance the cuteness factor. 

“I don’t know wh-what you mean.” 

Angel laughed and Fizz stuck out his tongue. Angel held out his second pair of arms as he leaned back, supporting himself with the first. 

“Well, I told ya if you were good you could touch the art. How’d’ya wanna touch it?” 

There was an excitement in Fizz’s eyes that was a bit flattering as he wrapped his arms around Angel’s torso a few times before pulling himself in and planting his face in his chest fluff. Angel shook his head as Fizz rubbed his cheeks against it happily. 

“Yeah, that’s a popular exhibit.” 

Angel let himself fall back on the chaise, taking the jester with him. Fizz curled up on top of him and he put a pair of arms around him in return. Another hand rested on his head. 

“You can be kinda cute, ya know that?” 

“I’m d-damn cute,” Fizz replied, voice muffled as he buried his face as far into his chest fluff as he could. 

Angel gave a little laugh. 

“First time I ever paid someone else to let ‘em feel me up.” 

“If y-you want your m-money’s worth, you still have an ho-our and a half to use me.” 

Angel’s hand stroked his head softly and the humor left his face. 

“Nah. That’s not what I’m after. I like this.” 

“It’s nice,” Fizz agreed. “You’re so-oft.”

“The arm thing ya got goin’ on’s pretty good. Ya get a lotta people wantin’ to be squeezed?”

“Yep.”

“Figures. You gotta be in high demand with crush fetishists.” 

“Th-they have to sign sp-special waivers. I’ve killed a few ca-cause they don’t know when to tell me to-to stop.” 

“Sounds like that’s on them.”

“What do you do wh-when you’re not working?” 

“Party mostly,” Angel replied. “Guess you only get to see the parties your clients take you to. Probably all borin as shit. We gotta get wasted with Cherri next time.” 

“I can’t get wa-wasted.” 

“Fuck what do you do for fun?” 

“Fu-fuck with people,” Fizz said with a laugh. 

Angel was caught off guard as he blew a raspberry in his chest fluff. He’d burrowed so far in that he managed to apply the tickling sensation directly to his skin. Angel shrieked in surprised laughter and pushed at his head. 

“Stoppit!” Angel cried, as Fizz fought against the pushing limbs to get another in. “Fermare!”

Angel pushed him off and held him up entirely, all arms out now. Fizz smirked down at him as he hung in the air, arms still coiled around Angel’s torso.

“Mm. I-i-I like em strong.” He gave Angel an appreciative grin. “Got anym-more arms hiding in there?”

“Crazy bastard,” Angel shot back, a faint smile lightening his features. “Do that again and we’re over. Got it?” 

Fizz nodded, the coils of his arm shifting around Angel like a snake as his hand stretched up to cross his heart. Angel lowered him again, cautiously, letting him cuddle close once more. He seemed so satisfied with himself, face the picture of smug as he rubbed his cheek against Angel’s fluff again. 

Angel honestly couldn’t wait to show the jester his first night of real freedom. As crazy as he seemed under someone’s thumb, it was guaranteed to be a wild night once he’d been set loose. He ran his hands over Fizz lazily here and there as they resumed small talk and planning. 

[tom-hlover]

Young Man, Older Woman (1/?

Tom Holland x Older Reader

Plot: Reader is Tom’s new PA and is a single mother to a child. Tom develops a crush which he thinks becomes something more. He wanted to have a relationship with her more than a persona assistant and actor. Reader seems to feel the same. However, with her painful past involving the father of her child (the same age as Tom) and something more keeps her from doing so.

word count: 1902

Epilogue

warnings: none- still stirring up the story in here. it’s a wonder sometimes my brain works much for writing up stories. any feedback will be appreciated :)

Disclaimer: I’m not from the states, nor from England. I don’t have any idea on the places, everything is based on research. English is not my native language as well, and I’m still working on storytelling as well. :) I just thought that I will never learn if i never even started to write things so here goes.

“By the way, we’ll need to get you a new PA. Tin spoke to me that she needed to quit immediately. She said though that she’ll try to get someone in her place.” Harrison told Tom as he was prepping for an interview for his new movie, Spiderman: Homecoming.

“Oh yeah, she told me of her personal problems recently, which has been affecting her work as well. Though I’m not complaining or anything, I really loved working with her, it’s just for some reason, we don’t seem to jive very much.” Tom replied as he just finished hair and make- up.

“I gave Tin a week to get in touch with us so that we wouldn’t have a hard time once your shoot for Infinity War starts.” Haz advised as he continued looking down on his phone.

“Hey Tom, you’re up next. Are you ready now?” one of the staffs knocked in to inform Tom. “Yep! I was born ready!” Tom answered and winked at the lady and she smiled at Tom with this gesture, while Haz rolled his eyes. “See you later Haz, oh, by the way, Z and Jacob said that they’re coming over to our hotel to hang out. Can I ask a favor to buy something to eat for later?” Tom asked before going out. “Sure, sure, did you forget that we have a group chat? I saw their notice as well.” Haz answered. “Haha! I was just reminding you. Well, I’d better get going now. Thanks mate!” teasing Haz and waved off signaling he was going out now.

 “Eagan looks like a very nice man, I can’t believe he’d do that!” Grandma exclaimed after hearing the story from Aubrey. “I already feel that there’s something between Lisa and Eagan. I can’t believe that almost all of my hunches are correct!” Aubrey added.

“What’s done is done. It’s best that you left him Y/N. There really must have been a reason why you have not been wedded to this guy.” Grandma told you.

You were just looking far away, then looking after John, who was playing at the living room, across the dining area where you’re gathered with Aubrey and grandma, eating breakfast. You were unable to touch your food that much as you still did not have the appetite. You have been staying there for a week now, and you have a lot of messages from Eagan. Your boss, being a close friend as well, advised you take a leave of absence for the meantime, but you advised that you’ll pass your resignation effective immediately, as you’re unsure until when you’ll be staying away like this.  Your boss understood, and advised that should you return, you’re more than welcome to return to work and you were appreciative of the thought.

You were thinking of a lot of things for this past week. Though you have moved on a bit on what you have witnessed last week, you are now worried on how to make a living. You can’t just stay where you are and expect the world to stop turning because of you. The world continues to rotate, life goes on no matter how good or bad happens to one’s lives. Plus, you have John with you that you need to support yourself.

 Aubrey’s cellphone rang which brought you back to the room and finally heard grandma and Aubrey clearly about their thoughts on what happened to you and what you should do moving forward.

“Oh, it’s Tin, I wonder what’s up now.” Aubrey said out loud and answered the call. “Hi Tin! How are you doing? Yes, I’m in Georgia now, with Y/N, you remember her, right? I see, when are you coming back? Oh, I’d love to take that job, but Y/N needs that much more right now. Are you still around town? Maybe we can meet up before you leave? Oh, right now? That will be great! I can bring Y/N along so that you can tell her about this new job! Alright, see you then!” Aubrey ended the call, and you were curious about what their conversation was about.

 “Is that Tin? She’s one of your college friends, right? I heard something about a job, what was that about?” you asked her.  “Oh, she said something came up and she needed to leave her current job immediately and needed a replacement. She offered me the job, but I declined, and I said you needed it much more. She is inviting us to meet her at the City Café. she’ll let you in on the job offer.” Aubrey explained, “Oh that’s great Aubrey! Y/N, it’s best you take this opportunity, whatever it may be. You need to divert your attention and mind to something else.” Grandma added and held out to your hand.

You thought for a while, you’re not sure if you’re prepared to work yet but you will need it for expenses. You did not want to be a freeloader. “Okay, let me just take a quick shower and get dressed. It’s about time I need to make my mind busy.” You said and stood up and was about to collect the dishes, but grandma stopped you. “Let me do those for you, you have kept on doing the chores here ever since you arrived, I want to do some exercise as well.” Grandma joked which made you chuckle a bit.

 You left John under grandma’s supervision, with her saying that “it’s like starting over again for being a parent and like having a grandchild she never has yet with Aubrey and her sister, Aurora.”

You and Aubrey arrived at the café, Tin already got a table for you three and waved at you upon arriving inside the café.

Aubrey and Tin exchanged kisses cheek to cheek and waved at you. “It’s been a while Aubrey. I’m glad you’re here at the right time, with Y/N. Y/N I heard what happened. I’m glad you were able to get away and start a new slate.” Tin said to you and invited that you all now get seated.

You and Aubrey ordered tea and coffee, you were drinking tea for the past few days in the morning, and coffee at night, which helped in you staying up late.

 “So, about this job, Y/N, is being a personal assistant. I’ve been working with him for a year now, and he’s to start a big project soon, and it’s not the best time to leave really, so I promised a replacement for me. I initially thought of Aubrey, but since she did not want it, and offered that I give it to you, as I know your work ethic, which is much better than mine, so I agreed immediately. I already told my boss’s best friend about you and they can’t wait to meet you, which will be by the end of this week.” Tin explained about it, which was quite vague, as you did not know who you are going to be an assistant for.

“I’m sorry, who am I going to be a personal assistant for?” you asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I haven’t mentioned it, it is Tom Holland, the new Spiderman.” She answered leaving you surprised and a bit nervous as you have been addicted to Marvel Fandom lately and you have been reading fan fictions about him and Chris Evans on Tumblr.

“Oh my, he’s so cute! Y/N has been fangirling about him! I’m surprised you haven’t told me any stories about you working for him?” Aubrey asked Tin. You bumped your elbow against Aubrey as if she just spilled a big secret you did not want found out.

 “Oh really? Well that’s good, you’re somehow familiar with him then? He is indeed cute and kind too, and the reason I’m unable to tell you about him, is that I have a lot on my plate right now, which is why I’m taking my immediate leave as well. Not that I’m not enjoying what I do right now, it’s just that I need to leave here the soonest.” Tin said and continued to tell what happened to her these past few months and the reason why she’s quitting.

 The day that you will be meeting Haz has arrived. Tin said Haz will be meeting up with you first before you are to meet Tom and start working for him. Tin told you that you’ll have to meet him alone, as she needed to go somewhere, in relation with her current problem.

You had no contact with Haz yet, just to make sure you’ll show up, as you’ll have no choice, your point of contact will be through Tin for now. This meet up will determine if you’ll be having a job moving forward or if you’ll have to start job hunting without the help from anyone.

 You’re meeting up at the Village Café. You prepared your resume to bring with you and tried to be best dressed even though it’ll just be a casual meeting. Not too formal, not too casual, you picked to wear a white blouse, ankle-length sky-blue pants, and you wore a dark blue sweater and paired it with skin toned shoes with 2 inches heels. You let down your hair which has a natural wave. You put on light make- up though you’re not really used to putting anything on your face, you used this opportunity to use the make-up you bought for yourself.

You arrived 30 minutes before the time set, which was 11 AM. It was a lunch meeting. You wanted to set a good first impression by showing one of your work ethics, which was being earlier or on time. You texted Tin that you’re on the restaurant. Tin replied that Haz is still caught up on something but will be there if not by 11, maybe a little late.

 It was 5 minutes before 12 PM, Haz has not yet arrived. You were used to waiting, but you felt like questioning if this was a legitimate job or not. Not that you don’t trust Tin, you’ve known her for a while now and you’ve not had any bad history with her. It’s just that it feels that this job offer is too good to be true. You did not believe that an opportunity like this will come knocking on you just like that, it’s like reading a fan fiction from Tumblr. You are giving the benefit of the doubt, both for Tin and for Haz, if it’s even real.

Time passed by further, it was already 1 PM, it’s a good thing you still have extra cash on you. You decided to order a shake as the staff seem to keep their eye on you, not ordering anything for an hour earlier. You decided to wait there until 2 PM as three hours is too much tardiness for a business meeting.

 It was 5 minutes before 2 PM, when you were still busy scrolling through Tumblr on your phone, when you heard a voice, “I’m so, so, sorry, I’m late for this meeting. My friend was supposed to meet you, but as it was already so late, I decided to come by myself.”

You noticed that some of the waitress were gushing and giggling before looking to the person who arrived. You turned around and was shocked who you were face to face with.

It was Tom Holland himself.

tags: @eridanuswave​

[maturemenoftvandfilms]

Air Force One: George & Dick

Featuring Fr. Pres. George W. Bush & Vice Pres. Dick Cheney

Back in the early 2000s, I was an aide working at the White House during the Bush administration, George W. Bush, or Bush 43 to distinguish him from his father, George H. W. Bush, who served as the 41st president of the United States from 1989 to 1993.. Over the first year of working I got to know more about him and thought he was a pretty cool guy for his age. I think he knows I am gay, but we never discuss private lives, I guess we have nothing much in common: he's married and a father of two, but from some remarks he dropped, I believe he hasn’t had sex with her. At the time, I wasn't going to get involved with guys from work, but at least I could enjoy the view.  

Another guy who I admirered from a distance was Vice President Dick Cheney. I was always a little intimidated of him, as his face was stern. Unlike President Bush, the Cheney rarely smiled, but he had a cock that just wouldn't stop. You could tell it was a huge one, because it flopped back and forth as he walked. Every day, I would stare and hide my erections.  

Anyway, in November of 2003, President Bush paid a surprise visit to Baghdad on Air Force One and I was one of the aides accompanying him on the trip. A few minutes into the trip, I was getting a cup of coffee when from behind Vice President Cheney asked, “Where are you from?" in an almost downright unfriendly tone.

“I’m original from Richmond, Virginia, but I moved to D. C. here from New York City.” I replied speaking fast as his presence made me nervous as I was so stricken by his fatherly looks.

I didn’t mean to glance down at his crotch, I just did it out of habit. The big bulge caught my attention immediately, but I force my eyes away and glance at the old man’s face but even as I did so, I realized that he had seen me looking down at his crotch. Suddenly he was looking at me differently. His eyes seemed to stare at me as thought he was looking at me through a magnifying glass.

“Come to the President's office in a couple of minutes.” He told me in a low voice as he leaned his head closer to me.

“Sure thing, Mr. Vice President.” I said as he walked back to the President's office.

I stayed at the coffee maker long enough to down two more cups before it was pass the timetable and I must admit to be more than a little nervous when I knocked on the President's office door. Vice President Cheney opened the door and said, “Come in."

“Hey, young man… You suck cock?” President Bush said bluntly as I approached his desk.  

And without waiting for me to answer, Vice President Cheney unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. He pulled his hand and way from his dick and let it flop between his legs. His cut cock was one of the biggest and thickest I've ever seen resting against a set of huge balls.

“You want to suck my old pecker?” He asked, as I stood uncertain in front of him.

“Go ahead, why do you think I called you in here.” President Bush called out.

I glanced into the blue eyes of the President sitting at his desk, then knelt down in front of Vice President Cheney and grabbed dick in my hand. Then as I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes, I closed my mouth around the head of his dick and immediately he began fucking my mouth.

“Damn George, this kid is a born cocksucker.” He said he ran his hands through my hair, pumping his hips into my mouth. I almost choked on Vice President Cheney’s cock, but he kept thrusting it into my mouth.

“So he's much better than the other one we had the other day.” The President called back to Vice President Cheney.

“George, I wonder if he’s a better fuck than he was.” The Vice President as he pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

"Good show the President what a good cocksucker you are.”   Looking over to President Bush, he me a nod and a smile as I worked my way over to him and pulled down his zipper. Reaching inside his slacks, found his cock, pulled it out and gave it a look see. His cock was comparable to Vice President Cheney’s cock, only being thinner. It quickly grew to about 9" inches long and began leaking clear precum which I used to rub around his tip. Then I bent down and quickly began sucking his penis down into my throat. President Bush groaned like a bear as I sucked the head and slid my tongue under the foreskin to get a good taste of him. I started sucking his cock for a while and then tried to pull his balls out through the flap, but they were too big! I figured with his skinny cock he would have small balls, but not so!

After a while I pulled away and started stroking it, President Bush ran his thick fingers through my hair and urged me to get him lubed up, so I did. Suddenly felt Vice President Cheney reaching around me and unbuckling my belt. He jerked my slacks down and then my jockey shorts.

“Nice ass.” He added as he patted first one ass cheek and then the other.

President Bush tossed Vice President Cheney a tube of something, which he smeared all over his cock. I knew what was coming and wanted it bad as my asshole was twitching with anticipation of being penetrated by Vice President Cheney’s fat dick.

“Your gonna get the fuck of your life.” He said as smeared the jelly on my opening and slipped his finger in my ass.

“Shit he’s tight George, we might have to take our time with him.” The Vice President said from behind me.

“He doesn’t want us to go slow do you son?” President Bush pulled me off of his cock by the hair.

“No Mr. President!” I had time to gasp out before he shoved me back into his furry crotch.

Looking up at him, I deep throated his long cock, relishing the feel of his presidential dick as it slid down my throat until my mouth was pressed against the fly of his pants.

“Damn! That feels great.” W called out. “Dick he’s good.”

“Yea, well let see how good his ass can take my fat pecker.” Cheney called out from behind me as I suddenly felt the head of his thick dick pressing against my asshole.

I steadied myself on all fours, closed my eyes preparing for ‘the fuck of a lifetime’ and I wasn’t disappointed. Vice President Cheney slid his lubed cock up my ass in one quick motion as I let out a yelp of pain. After he had all 8" in me, he started thrusting back and forth, holding onto my hips. I could feel his thick shaft expanding my tunnel and throbbing. I groaned with pleasure, pulling my mouth off of President Bush’s cock as each thrust, send electric waves through my body.

“Oh no you don’t, slut!” President Bush said, grabbing me by the hair and shoving me back into his crotch.

“George, you won’t believe how hot his asshole his. I bet he’s been fucked a thousand times. Hell, my fat pecker slid in him faster than into a whore’s pussy.” Cheney said as he began to pull his cock out slowly and then drive it slowly back up my ass.  

With each thrust my cock began to grow some more, until I suddenly shot my load all over the floor beneath me. Dick's cock filled me up like no other cock I’d ever had inside of me before. I’d been fucked plenty of times, sometimes slowly, sometimes rough, but I’d never been fucked like this. The fact that President Bush had me by the hair and was ramming his shaft down my throat just made it better. I’d fantasized about having the two of them fucking me, but never dreamed it could be this good.

“Fuck it George, this kid is tight. Hope I don’t stretch him out too much for you.” He sneered, giving my ass a slap.

“Yeah baby, I love fucking a nice tight little ass like this.”

“Anything would be tight with that gigantic cock of yours Dick.” George smiled, letting me up for air for a few seconds.

“I love both of your cocks…” I sighed as Dick’s thrusts got even quicker and harder.

I could hear him moaning and groaning as I licked up and down President Bush's tool.

"Give it to him Dick. Fill that tight young ass with all that hot cum. C'mon grease it up for me! Fire away." George said as Dick began to really put it to me.  

The room was steaming and filled with the sounds of Dick's balls slamming against my ass, my cries of being fucked and George's groans of approval. It seem like he had been fucking me for about forty minutes or something when eventually he exploded inside me, causing me to cum again. I felt his cock throb time after time and I felt his cum seeping out my ass and onto the bed beneath me. He must have shot 10 or 12 huge spurts of cum in my ass before pulling out, make a wet pop sound as it left my popped cherry.  

George clapped Dick on the back as they quickly exchanged places. Before I could react, George had pressed his knob against my hole and in no time, had all 9" inches buried up my clenching hole. Between the jelly and Dick's massive load of cum, The President's cock slid easily in and out of my tight ass and I begged him to do it harder. It felt wonder as his long dick reached deeper inside my ass than Cheney's fat cock could get.

Just then, Dick slapped his cock in my face and I tongued it for all I was worth.

After 10 minutes of ass pounding ecstasy I knew I was going to cum again as George slowed his thrusts.  I couldn't take it and fired my third load in less than 2 hours onto the floor. It wasn't big, but I had a good pool of sperm going on beneath me as George resumed his assault on my ass and fucked me till I was dizzy. Soon he was mumbling incoherently, signaling that I was about to get a big load up my ass. George bellowed like a bull as his cock swelled inside my tunnel and he dropped his cum deposit deep in my ass. He collapsed on me as Vice President Cheney shot a second big load on my face.    

“What goes on here stays here! You say anything about what we did here to anyone and that will be your ass.” VP Cheney said as he glanced at me as though seeing me for the first time.

“I’m not going to say a word. I enjoyed it.”

[zaymadden-author]

Written by ZAY MADDEN

“Man, this is not how Saturday nights are supposed to go.” With all the shit going on in the world, I’ve been house-bound for a minute, and at this point I’m all TikTok’d out. A couple of my boys and my cousin Terrell pulled up on me around 8 for a couple rounds of 2K 🎮, but you know how Mississippi weather is. Mother Nature randomly decided to do her dirty work and had them staying later than planned, but once the sky stopped roaring, I sent my boys home. It was time for a night cap.

I trailed them outside to make sure they were all gone, and once the last car looped around my driveway, I could finally sit on my porch and think. I had my D’USSÈ 🥃 in one hand and my phone in another, scrolling through my thread of texts to see which girl I could get to bless my night; it was part of my weekend ritual. I had a rule though: never start at the top because most recent pussy tends to be not as interesting unless she really got that 🍑💦 if you know what I’m saying.

So, last I checked, Keisha wit the plump ass moved to Florida, which is unfortunate for me. She had one hell of a mouth piece in bed but never ran her mouth in the streets. I could respect that and that’s why I keep her on standby.

The next on my list, Monica, was on the classy end of the spectrum, but it was like rolling dice with her ass. Most of the time she waits until 7 am to reply. Her brain was still accustomed to her school schedule and she had a day job too, so I respected that. However, it sucked for me though cuz Monica was bad af from head to toe and really would’ve gave me a night to remember. Shit, I still reminisce about our last rendezvous. She had pretty feet and plump lips that felt like pillows with each kiss. And I know it’s weird, but I think it’s a turn on whenever I see her with those scrubs on. It’s just something about a hard-working black woman. (Damn smh.) I decided not even bother her this late.

So I kept scrolling up right, slowly feeling my luck build up, when my phone all of a sudden ding’d. My heart started thumping against my rib cage, and the corners of my mouth shot up. I couldn’t wait to see who this could be.

(I turn my notification banners off for good reason.)

Could it be Ashley? (The one that stayed wayyy out in Clinton). She usually texts when she wants some dick but it takes her forever to get to my place in Madison.

I put my search on pause and immediately made my way to the top to see who it could be. And would you believe it? “She always does this shit bruh. Like fr!”

Lo and fucking behold:

[MOM: Can you take your grandma to the store in the morning? I forgot to tell you earlier. Phone died.]

MAN 😤!! I almost summoned the spirit of Brady and launched $999 worth of iPhone in the damn pond. It’s 12:02 at night. She could’ve just waited until daylight resumed before bothering me with this!

I know that’s my heart and soul, but grandma is not the type of woman I want on my mind right now. But I replied “ok” to avoid any further communication at this hour.

I kept scrolling through my digital black book and I contemplated, but immediately dismissed, the idea of calling Alisha over. She said I be hurting her so she only wanna do oral. “Naw. I’ll pass. I’m good on that tonight.” Nobody else seemed worthy of hitting up at the time, at least this time of night, so I head inside. I locked the door behind me and made my way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I spritzed a little water on my head and brushed my waves into submission before securing it with my DuRag. Staring at this thick-browed, handsome, brown skinned fellow in the mirror, I began to question whether I still had it. “I am only 23 so that’s nowhere near the ‘falling off’ age,” I say to myself. I guess with me working day and night, I didn’t have time to pull ‘em like I used to.

So, I went and plopped on my bed, face towards the ceiling, contemplating my future, when I heard the sound of rocks sloshing under tires. The sound slowly magnified, and to myself I’m thinking that maybe one of my homeboys forgot something in my house. A barcode-like shadow cast on my wall as the luminance of headlights beamed through my blinds. I almost walked to the door empty handed, but the detective Stabler in me wasn’t taking any chances. So, I grabbed my piece in my night stand and asserted my second amendment rights. Tip-toe after tip-toe I was almost to the door when I heard the engine stop. A few seconds later there was this rhythmic chiming noise echoing through the walls. I crept to the front window stealthily, and peeked out the blinds. I could recognize the vehicle but I had to be sure it was who I thought it was, so I flicked on the second outdoor light.

All I saw was curly tresses flowing through the window of a pink Lexus.

“Aaliyah?” ..... “but how did she?”

With a mixture of anxiety and excitement, I snatched open the front door 🚪 to greet her. And when I saw her strut up the walkway with a touch of flair, a second emotion arose: confusion. How did she know I was alone? How did she know there wasn’t another girl here? It’s been two years and I still can’t figure out how this girl knows me so well and I think that’s why she intrigued me so much. It also scared me a little bit too. I usually don’t let a girl come over unannounced.

She would’ve been the first girl I tried to text, but last I checked she was in New York on business.

I shoot commercials for a living and I did one for her boutique. That’s how we came across each other.

But she’s here now so who cares that she popped up. (Maybe that’s just my dick talking 🤷🏾‍♂️... idk)

She had two Raising Cane’s bags, which I’m guessing that, during this pandemic, was the only thing she could come across at this time a night. Everything else was closed, even Taco Bell.

She let out a soft “Hey” as she bat her lashes and I quickly shut the gap in my mouth.

“What’s up?” I then responded.

And for a moment our eyes did a tango before she broke the silence.

“Can I come in? It’s kinda hot out here. ”

[And she wasn’t lying about that.]

We suddenly smiled at each other (each clipped with a note of sensuality), and with a nonverbal response, I helped her carry the drinks in and held open the door, catching a strange whiff of fried chicken and some floral fragrance as she walked by. I sucked my bottom lip as she sashayed towards my couch; those long legs accented by her gold trimmed pumps.

With a quick, smooth swivel of her body, she had positioned herself towards me, carrying a whole conversation with her eyes.

After locking my door I suddenly needed to adjust my boxer briefs. Gazing at those smooth brown legs made me graduate from flaccid to half chub, but my need to feast was urgent. My stomach was growling like a mf.

So I sit down to eat, right. And we get to chatting about her trip to NY ✈️ and how she’s been so stressed out with trying to open up a store out there. The whole time she’s going on and on about her tired body and her hectic work schedule, I’m reading in between the lines. She didn’t come here looking like that just to talk about work.

Aaliyah has never been one to admit what she wants from me, she just drops hints and expects you to go fishing for answers.

After smashing half my chicken box though, she got up like she had no time to waste. With a flick of her ankles she had both shoes flying across the floor. She took one last glance at me before leading the way to my bedroom, first slipping her skirt off in the living room and her shirt slowly draped from her body as she made her way down the hall. To keep up the tempo, I removed whatever she did, and by the time we made it to my room it was nothing but birthday suits.

I was ready for penetration at the door, but baby girl had other plans. She made me sit on the love seat by my window as she put on a show for me. It was an immediate game of teasing and temptation as she watched me slowly stroke my dick to every scene of her performance. First it was the leg play, then the breast tease, and then my favorite of all... something she knows gets me hard as steel.... the pussy play.

I love it when she bends open her thighs and plays with the most anticipated part of her body. Her smooth, brown sugar skin and nude polished nails drew an excellent contrast to that sweet, bright pink center. And she knew I wanted it too. She also knows how much I brag about how tight she is, so she takes her two fingers and spreads it open in full view for me. It was one thing for me to speculate, but when she slid one finger in and out for me, it was proof enough that her coochie still had that snap-back action.

I couldn’t take it anymore. With my dick now towering from my hand, I made my way over to her. She was now in submission as I asserted myself over her, so I pulled her to the the edge of the bed to get ready for my part. I looked down at myself, the tip of my dick head now glistening with anticipation, and said to her “I want you.”

And in the blink of an eye I was down on my knees and I had her hips cradled in my arms; my tongue digging into the flesh of her thigh, roughly gasping for air as I was too focused to remember breathing. With a slow dance of kissing and tongue-groping, I lead a trail up and down her thighs until I heard her say, “OMG.... Sean!”

I swear I felt a drop of pre-cum stream down to my ankle as I made my way to her hot zone 👅 . Like a rollercoaster, I had my tongue going round and round, remembering all the pressure points that made her thrust her pelvis into my face. I was in full control now, and no matter how hard she gripped the sheets, there was no escaping my vice grip.

My tongue was putting in overtime, and right before my clock struck 1:00 🕐 , I felt her first nut. We both laughed (our goofy asses) to try and cut down on all that sexual tension.

I reared my head to get a good look at her sex face, my goatee now dripping in her juices, and I gave her a look that let her know I was ready for that action. I sprinted like hell to my night stand to grab me a “rain coat,” acting as if my dinner was about to get cold or something.

I slid that mf on so quick. I’d been waiting for this all night. Pussy in my mouth was one thing, but BEING in it... whew 😌.

I looked at her again before I engaged in our post-foreplay session. I already had my 🍆💦 on the edge ready for the deep dive. We shared a gaze as I slowly began to make my way inside. She had that “keep going” look on her face, but it was only so long that she could keep her composure. After the head made its way in, baby girl’s eyes began to sync with my slow strokes. They rolled as my hips began to roll, and before she knew it, her neck gave out and she rested her head. I finessed my hips into a slow roll as I reached down and sucked on her neck. Her walls began to relax as her pussy gradually began to invite me in. I kept piping her down, constantly going deeper until her belly felt full. And by then, I knew I had her.

I secured her backside with my arms, careful not to smother her precious body, as she demanded I up the pace. To keep up the demand, I got more comfortable on the bed before I shifted into overdrive. “Nice Sean” was gone and “ZADDY Sean” was on the scene.

I was working that pussy like I was running track, and before long, she had thought twice about what she asked for. She thought she was slick, inching her body away like I didn’t notice. But guess what, I inched right along with her ass. She had a long ways to go on my California King before she could escape this dick.

At this point, her facial expressions were no longer inaudible. She was squeezing out “oooo’s” and “ahhhhh’s” between every attempt to catch her breath.

“Wait baby... ooooooooo wait.” She pleaded, but mercy was no longer on the table. I kept going until her juices soaked my inner thigh.

“OMG Sean!” She utters the mantra again. But this time I give in to her cries. Hell, I needed to catch my breath too. Shit! 🥵

I rolled over for a brief intermission, slowly creeping my way to the top of the bed near my pillow. She followed. We rested for a good little minute, kissing on each other as the clock kept ticking, but I was mentally preparing for the second round. It was late at night so I had only about two good positions left in me.

She took a bathroom break before we resumed.

I had decided it was her turn, so I stayed where I was and used my finger to signal her to come near when she walked back in the room. So, she took a domineering stance right before she climbed into bed and cat walked towards me. Titties just bouncing everywhere. Curls flowing effortlessly in the breeze of my ceiling fan. She knew what she was doing and she got my lil man right back up. ☝🏾

She leaned towards me for a kiss as she saddled my waist, slow grinding to drum up more anticipation. I slapped my meat against her ass cuz I wanted her to stop playing these games. Hell, my dick was damn near shivering in the wind now.

But she took the hint and began to guide it back in. This time I rolled MY eyes as her warm goodies began to cradle me inside. She placed her hands on my chest and made her first move upward, then she put her hips in reverse. She put this same two-step on repeat, bouncing up and down on my shit, going all the way to the base. I’m talking balls deep. With this kinda grip, my dick was on the verge of spittin’ already, but I held back my nut. “This ain’t how I wanna to go out”

I was diggin’ this lil rodeo vibe she had going on, but the more her pussy lips clapped down on me, the more I started edging. I let her take control for a minute, but that minute quickly turned into a second as her hip grinding began to slow down. The batteries in that energizer bunny were at 20%... but thats what Zaddy Sean is here for. 😏

Right as she was on her way up, I stopped her and I kept her right in that position, pounding that 🎂 until all I heard was Mac n cheese stirring.

But shit, at this point it was time to make that Mac n cheese creamy. I got prepared for the finale as we moved into sex position #95.

I had her face on the pillow and I made her spread them cheeks before I dove in back. And for some reason, this position always gets me. Idk if it’s the fluffiness of the ass that gets my rocks off or the fact that the thigh clenching makes everything feel tighter. Who knows. But I didn’t have time to contemplate that.

With a few more strokes I was about to fuckin explode. I grabbed her extra tight, squeezing them titties and pushing extra deep until her moans went from tenor to soprano.

“Only a few more seconds baby,” I said in my head.. “just a few more seconds.”

I put a flex in my hips when I felt that good moment coming, and on my last stroke of edging, when I hit her spot, she squeezed her cheeks extra tight... and that was the extra umph that I needed to let loose.

I wanted to paint her back 💦 but the hooded Kermit in me said “naw, leave that shit in big dawg.” 😏

So, I hit my last pumps like a New Years countdown. 5... 4... 3.... 2... making sure my last hit was the strongest. I held it there as my body spasmed and my perineum pulsated, leaving me temporarily paralytic.

Cuz that’s what good pussy will do to ya.

I took a second to savor the moment because my horny-ness hadn’t completely subsided yet. By the time I was ready to pull out, my jimmy was slowly becoming soft & squishy again.

With the head still sensitive, I slowly abort, careful to keep the condom in tact. She’s about as sleepy as I am now, and as I withdrew, she stole a peek of me staring at all the nut weighing down the tip of my condom.

It was mutually understood that we were both tapping out, but we mustered up enough energy to quickly shower up. The whole time in the shower I’m still mesmerized by her beauty, all horny-ness aside.

We towel off in about ten minutes and return to the room before I quickly throw some fresh sheets on my bed.

She basically invited herself to spend the night and who was I to say “no” to her. Cute ass. She knew she was my Achilles heel. So, as we lay in our resting position before dozing off, the question circled back around in my head...

How the hell did she know I was alone? 🤔

[imagines-mha]

So I know this is mainly for our beloved Assclass but, at any point in time because I need more content for my favorite feral copycat, could I get some hcs for Monoma falling in love with someone from class 1-a. I know it sounds impossible but like she finds his snark hilarious and she's always complimenting 1-b and sticking up for them if they need it. Man I would appreciate it so much, thanks!

Omg i LOVE this idea bro i migt actually turn it into a mini fanfic??? Idk yet but it was SO GOOD and fun to write!!! tysm for the request 💕💫 also i got carried away and totally wrote a drabble instead lmao SORRY DUDE

—Love Story- Monoma x reader—

♥️ Im sure i don’t need to highlight it too much, because we all fuckin KNOW.

Monoma is the most dramatic asshole to come from the show. Fr he’s gonna act like he’s living in romeo and juliet every night when he’s in his dorm alone it’s so eccentric like jusT TALK TO HER STOP BLASTING LOVE STORY BY TAYLOR SWIFT AT 3AM YOU HAVE A TEST TOMORROW

Before he knows he’s in love completely, he treats it like a fun game. He always wins at games, doesn’t he?

He doesn’t i have no idea why he still thinks he does wtf

♥️ You’re a new transfer student at UA, and are still settling into the school, meaning you’ve yet to see one of his acts of clownery; meaning he still has a chance

His classmates tell him to quit while he’s ahead. CLEARLY class 1-A have already warned you to avoid him, clearly you’re gonna know to just ignore him when he flaunts his worth to you.

Clearly, Monoma doesn’t listen.

His charm is good though, enough to be able to sweep almost any girl who barely knows him off of their feet in mere seconds. He knows how to script his praises, and ensures he’s done his research on you beforehand to personally detail the comments to suit your style

He has one plan: go and win her over with one compliment. Sweep her off her feet and ride off into the distance where 1-a and 1-b no longer matter and it’s just the both of you alone together i told u he was dramatic dude smh

He’s all prepared for the big moment: he has his hair all neatly done, making it certain he smells nice, slapping on a smirk with just enough attitude that makes it seem as if he wasn’t up all night planning for this exact moment. He’s readier than he’ll ever be

He sees you walking into school with Mina and Uraraka, chattering away, when he suddenly leans against the doorway in front of you, his voice already carrying on with a level of confidence you didn’t even know existed

“Forgive me if i’m wrong, but you must be the brand new transfer student? My, i knew you’d be pretty but i didn’t know you’d be this gor-“

“Don’t be a creep monoma-“ mina sighed, pushing past him and leading you through the door.

“That’s the monoma we warned you about” she laughed, “just don’t pay any attention-“

————————

He should have really been put off from then, but his positivity lived on, even tho tetsutetsu found him sulking in his room later like a 5 year old who just got shouted at by their parents

He’d plan his next strategy the very next day. So straight up flirting wouldn’t work. What now?

He sits and ponders for a while, and i mean A LONG ASS WHILE like two weeks, preferring to stay in the background and admire you from a distance rather than get all up in your face

It seems like a funny joke to his class, and they make fun of him for it constantly. He never has crushes, especially not like this. This is like a golden opportunity: they’re getting peace from his constant idiocy, you were already like their saviour

He’s never quiet, but now he’s almost nervous to speak incase you hear and think he’s dumb. He’s never so...not-annoying, but he doesn’t want to prove to you that Mina was right that day. He didn’t want to be just a warning to you. He wanted to be who you loved, who you yearned for at night, who you grasped when-

“You monologuing again?” Kendo interuppted with a humourous tone from his bedroom door while he sulked into his pillow

He let out a whine and flailed over onto his bed, covering his eyes with his hands

“I just want her to like me...” he pathetically groaned, and for a moment the boy who acted like he was miles above everyone else had succumbed to a normal teenager

Kendo figured she had to thank you for that later

After a small, late-night talk about the importance of being yourself and the unattractiveness of too much pride, Monoma decided that from here on in he’d be completely him. If you didn’t like him for that, then clearly you weren’t meant to be

But he really hoped you did.

———————

A week later, snarky monoma was back in action- and he spent the entire day of training relishing in his insults and cocky comments towards the members of 1-A

To be honest, he was having so much fun riling them up he almost forgot he was looking out to impress you. Typical Monoma.

That was until he saw you giggle at one of his snide comments made at Bakugo, reeling him back to earth immediately from his throne of false royalty

He looked around for anything, some sort of confirmation it was he you were laughing with and noone else, and when he saw Kendo nodding in support to him from the corner, he felt like cheering out loud

It only encouraged him more though, because his cockiness became unbearable to the opposing class. Luckily though, it became even more amusing to you

He was shooting out insults and taunts left right and centre, his eyes darting in your direction each time one left his lips and his heart fluttering when he saw your eyes searching for him at the same time

It was a small haven. Suddenly the two of you were looking for eachother’s gaze whenever someone from your class screwed up in some way, because you both knew Monoma would have something to say about it

You didn’t care that it was against your class either. He was a pain in the ass to them, snd you could see why, but you just found him hilarious above anything

After all, someone needed to put them in their place every so often

Soon enough, both bakugo and todoroki had clearly had enough of his witty comments, and stormed up to to him to “give him a piece of their minds”

After a small outbreak of bakugo’s screaming and Todoroki’s sassy additions to a nonchalant Monoma, you decided to step in

Not that you didn’t value your two classmates...but Monoma did have better comebacks...plus...he was kinda cute

You rolled your eyes and spoke up,

“Leave him alone you idiots- just because he has better sass than you both do doesn’t mean you gotta go all batshit on him” you rolled your eyes at them before stepping to Monoma

“I never knew you could be so good at riling people up-“ you smirked, noting his shocked expression before quickly adding,

“take it as a compliment- your class is lucky to have you-“

He was so awestruck he couldn’t find a word to say, leaving the entire place in stunned silence for a few seconds, before the feud calmed down and training resumed back to normal.

But It didn’t take long for Mina to tug you away to the side,

“Did you just COMPLIMENT monoma?!” She suddenly asked, her tone laced with shock

“Come on Mina he’s not even that bad-“ you laughed, blushing softly and gazing back to the blonde (who was still staring completely stunned)

“I...i can’t believe someone could actually stand him-“ she laughed with you, “you guys would totally make a cute couple!!” She squealed, receiving a smack on the arm from you with copious amounts of “shut the HELL up before he hears you!!!!” spilling from your lips

“Seriously though y/n- a girl from class 1-A and a guy from class 1-B..... the SCANDAL of it all-“ she dramatically grinned, gasping in fake shock, “and it’s not even just a guy...it’s MONOMA himself” she continued teasing you, laughing when you groaned for her to shut up because you totally didn’t mean it like that...did you?

Since when did your life become a shakespeare play?

—————————-

When you guys finally date, noone could really believe it. Monoma, for one, actually liked someone who wasn’t himself. And you...actually liked him back.

This was either a recipe for the sweetest couple in the world, or a recipe for a couple that could kill you and feel no remorse doing so.

But all that mattered to you both was that you were a couple. You loved him and he loved you too- and when you had that going for you, how much more did you need?

[sayijo]

A/N: Oh my god I finally finished. Also, @ninjamelissajulien asked me to tag, so, here you go!

Words: Around 3.6k

Summary: Cryptor falls into a frozen lake and nearly drowns.

Warnings: Uhhh like one swear word?

Additional Notes: Uhhhh Tumblr formatting on mobile might be weird

“We’re lost.” Kai grumbled, his voice barely audible. All of them trekked through the snow. The white material was halfway up to their knees, slowing them down by a considerable amount. The sky was a dark grey (and getting darker by the minute), and the wind was howling, sending pellets of snow and hail to rain upon them. He hugged his red thick jacket close to his chest, small flames of fire crackling from in his hair as he attempted to keep himself warm. His loose pants whipped around in the sharp air, and his hair kept falling in front of his eyes, obstructing his vision. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were red from the cold.

They had been visiting Zane’s home in Birchwood forest, before making their way back to the Bounty upon seeing the approaching storm. It was no use. The blizzard had overtaken them after merely five minutes of walking. The wind was deafening and the snow was blinding. “No, we’re not.” Zane answered him, firmly. He stood in the front of the group, alongside Cole, attempting to lead the way back home. He was dressed in his traditional ninja gi, the white fabric basically blending in with the environment, completely unaffected by the cold. His dark grey synthetic hair swayed in the wind, and his bright blue mismatched cyan eyes cut through the darkening sky.

“It’s just been a while since I’ve been back.” Zane continued, his voice calm and reassuring. “I’ll be able to figure this out soon. The falling snow just makes everything look different.”

“Gotta keep moving.” Cole spoke afterwards. The rest of the ninja let out a multitude of annoyed and frustrated groans but followed after the ice and earth ninja regardless. The snow crunched from underneath their feet, their tracks almost immediately being covered by the snowfall. The snow had now fallen all the way up to their knees, forcing them all to struggle against the force of all the packed ice. Every five seconds the wind would die down, before starting back up just as strong as it had been before, blowing snow and ice pellets into their faces. “I’m gonna get frostbite!” Jay shrieked from somewhere behind Zane. He hopped around from side to side, trying to keep warm, groaning internally at the fact that snow was beginning to fall into his boots. He held a phone in front of him, trying to look for a signal so they could contact the Bounty. Frost was beginning to form on his eyelashes, making his eyelids stick together every time he blinked. Zane turned around and looked at him. There was a pause before he shook his head. “No.” He stated. “Your temperatures are at safe levels. For now. No risk of frostbite.” He then proceeded to turn around and started walking once more. Jay inhaled sharply and looked like he wanted to argue, but he ended up biting his lower lip and keeping quiet. He started walking again along with the rest of the crew.

It got silent. It was about 30 minutes of complete agony before someone spoke up once again. “We’re going in circles.” The rest of the crew turned to face the speaker. Cryptor. He looked miserable. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jacket, his chin slightly tilted downwards into his chest. The hood of the pullover sweater underneath the black leather hung loosely over his head. The red scarf was pulled over his mouth and nose. His glowing red eyes were dull. “How do you know that?” Kai raised a brow, slowing down his steps so that he could keep in pace with the nindroid. Cryptor had decided to lag behind. “We’ve passed that birch tree three times already.” Cryptor took his hand out of the pocket before gesturing to a skinny white tree about five meters to their right. The trunk basically bent from the pressure of the wind, looking like it was ready to snap. “It’s a forest. Every tree pretty much looks the same. How can you be so sure?” Kai countered, rolling his eyes. He raised a hand to wipe the hair from his face and winced when he brushed his hand roughly against the two studs pierced above his left eyebrow. “Yeah well, you’re not a nindroid, Kai.” Cryptor retorted, narrowing his eye. The fire ninja blinked for a while before he turned his attention back to Cryptor. The wind howled, seemingly cackling as if it knew what was about to come. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kai demanded. Everyone else in the group seemed to pick up on their conversation and looked at the two uneasily. “It means exactly what it’s supposed to mean.” “Oh, what, am I—“ “Anyways, Zane, we need to start heading in another direction.” Cryptor glanced up at the ice ninja leading the group, cutting off the fire ninja before he could get any more words in. Kai looked like he wanted to slap someone. Smoke was probably coming out of his ears. It was beginning to waft out of his nostrils. “Why don’t you lead the way, tin can?” Kai snapped and growled after letting in a sharp breath, and now everyone had completely stopped walking. They stood awkwardly off to the side, unsure of whether to interrupt what was going on. “You know Kai, I’d love to. But since it’s so cold, my navigation has gone hazy.”

“Really?” Kai spat in the most mocking tone he could muster. He threw his head back slightly and laughed, his lips parting to reveal his teeth. “You think it’s okay to tell us we’ve been going the wrong way even though you don’t even know yourself?” “Well, at least I’m helping with the situation. What have you done, huh? All you’ve done is complain. Do you really have nothing else to say?” Cryptor immediately countered back, his entire figure going rigid and his eyes burning a brighter red. Everyone else stiffened up, already knowing that this was going to end badly for all of them “You guys...” Cole asked tentatively, a hint of urgency bleeding in his tone. The wind raged like a pack of hungry wolves, drowning out his voice to a point where it merely sounded like a passing whisper in the breeze. It seemed like the two barely even heard him.

“Excuse me?! I’m not helping? Take a good look at yourself! If you could actually function we’d be able to get out of here faster!” Kai snapped, raising his voice above the winds. Everyone winced, before Jay had to wave his hands madly in an effort to signal Kai to keep quiet.

“Kai, shut up for once in your goddamn life, would you? Every time you talk I get a splitting headache.” Cryptor snarled, baring his teeth from underneath his scarf. He growled a bit, glaring daggers into the fire ninja’s soul.

“Oh look at who’s talking now! I should shut up? Ever looked in a mirror lately? Keep quiet. If you can’t help, then maybe don’t talk at all.” Kai hissed, shoving the nindroid rather roughly. Cryptor stumbled a bit, before glared at Kai, looking angry enough to kill.

“Kai, you—”

“And what’s with the ‘I’m not a nindroid’ stuff, huh? Get off your goddamn high horse.” Kai growled, crossing his arms. Cryptor blinked for a while, before his eyebrow creased in complete fury.

“Okay!” Cole cried out, shaking his hands in an effort to defuse the situation. He had heard enough, and he stormed towards them, planting himself between the two. He reached out and gripped Kai’s left shoulder, and his other hand went to Cryptor’s right.

“We’re all just tired, okay? Let’s put our heads together and think, alright?”

“Not with him.” Cryptor looked off into the distance.

“Yeah, gonna have to agree with you there.” Kai smirked, fixing a glare at the nindroid, who returned the look. Both of them made a move for each other, hands curled into fists, before Cole had locked his elbows to grip them into place. He shook his head, as the crew resumed walking. He dropped his arms but stood between the two, acting as a wall.

Cryptor lagged behind them again, slowing down his pace so that everyone else passed him. He raised an arm to shield his face once the wind picked up. Kai glanced back at him, before he grumbled and began to slow down his trot as well. Cole, however, planted two hands on his back and began to push Kai forward, urging the fire ninja to speed up.

“How’s that signal searching going?” Cole leaned over Jay’s shoulder, looking down at the phone in the blue ninja’s hands. Jay grumbled something unintelligible, his fingers shaking from the frigid temperatures. He had made the mistake of wearing fingerless gloves, and he was absolutely sure his fingers were going to end up being frostbitten.

“Ugh, no luck. I’m telling you, Cole, unless we find a way out of the storm, there’s absolutely no way we’re getting a signal out here.” He stood up on his toes, stuck the phone into the air and waved it around frantically for a bit, as the slight height difference would help their situation.

Nothing.

“We have to keep moving.” Zane muttered from ahead of them. It was difficult to focus on his form, as the raging winds and the snow obstructed their sight to a point where it looked like there was white static flashing across their vision.

“Easy for you to say.” Cole rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

Another five minutes passed in silence.

“Shouldn’t we have Cryptor help Zane out? I mean, he does have a navigation system in place, right? Like, I know it’s scrambled, but, better something than nothing, right?” Jay suggested, as if he had just built the courage to speak up. He nervously glanced over to where Kai trudged through the snow.

“Whatever.” Kai shrugged.

“Hey!” Jay called over his shoulder, before he turned to look behind the entire group. “We need you up fr…”

There was no one there.

oOoOoOo

Cryptor walked through the storm. The wind whipped and pulled at his dark clothing, but it didn’t matter. He had his left hand pulling at his hood, preventing the wind from pulling it off his head. He squinted as he attempted to see through the blizzard. His night vision clicked on, bathing his surroundings in a tint of green.

“If you could actually function we’d be able to get out of here faster.” He muttered to himself from underneath his breath, the corners of his mouth curling downwards to form an ugly scowl. His left hand gripped his hood so harshly he was sure he’d end up puncturing the fabric.

His navigation software had basically frozen, leaving a still image of a map in the bottom right corner of his vision. Every else seemed to be working, however.

He hoped.

“And what’s with the ‘I’m not a nindroid’ stuff, huh? Get off your goddamn high horse.” Kai’s voice rang in the back of his mind. Cryptor laughed bitterly, lips parting to show his teeth. The wind picked up even more, sounding like a choir of people screaming. He shivered from the cold, tucking his chin close to his chest and pulling the hood tighter over his head.

“If you can’t help, then maybe don’t talk at all.” He mumbled to himself, attempting to mimic Kai’s voice, the sound muffled from within the scarf. He was angrier than anything else. He forced his way through the wind and snow, keeping his gaze trained to the ground. It was colder than it had been an hour prior, and he let out another involuntary shudder as the temperature seemed to drop.

His eyes settled as he reached the edge of a hill. He looked up, closing his eyes a bit as the wind picked up once again. Once he reopened them, he realized that he had found a clearing in the woods. He could see the dark grey clouds looming overhead, flakes of snow blurring his sight.

A frozen lake lay in front of him, the shore just down the hill.

...They had passed the lake on the way here, didn’t they? So he was going in the right direction. He looked off to the distance, eyeing the shoreline, which was about 500 meters away from him on both sides.

“Too long.” He decided. He stepped forward, and skidded down the hill, his heels digging against the ice and snow that had built up on the slope. He reached the bottom without much of a problem, and approached the shore.

‘Guess it’s time to take the fast route.” He stepped forward, placing a foot on the ice, before he pulled himself ahead and stood on the lake. He looked down at the ice for a few seconds and stomped his foot against the thick glaze that covered the water with the same force a human would be able to generate.

Nothing.

“...Whatever.” He decided, before he started walking.

He made his way forward without much incident. The ice was strong and sturdy underneath his feet, and the soles of his boots were metal, and gripped the ice so he wouldn’t end up slipping and crashing to the ground.

“So that’s just it, huh? You’re just going to leave them?” He thought to himself, listening to the rhythmic sounds of his feet striking against the ice underneath him.

“...No.” He muttered quietly, shaking his head. “I’ll just...find the Bounty. Yeah. And I’ll...go back.”

The words left a weird taste in his mouth, as if he himself wasn’t even sure if what he was saying was true. He shook his head again, trying to drive all the intrusive thoughts away from his mind.

What was he saying? Of course, he’d go back for them.

Right?

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a sound.

A barely audible click. At first, he thought the ninja had managed to find him. His head whipped to a spot behind him, his eyes darting around to look for anything.

His hand already instinctively reached for a small knife he kept strapped to the inside of his jacket. His eyes only saw the tree line, nothing else.

“Just the wind.” He muttered, but the feeling he felt in his chest told him that it wasn’t the case.

But then it sounded out again.

The ice was breaking.

He let out an angry curse, before his gaze snapped to the ice he stood upon. Hairline fractures engraved themselves on the surface, weaving their intricate designs onto the cold ground. He cursed to himself again, before he scanned his surroundings, looking for a way to fix the problem.

Nothing.

So he turned his attention back to the direction that he was supposed to go.

And he took off sprinting.

He could just imagine the image of himself falling through the ice, crashing into the frigid water and shutting off, drowning—

“No no no no.” He shook his head violently. He couldn’t afford to think about that right now. He couldn’t. His feet slammed against the ice, and the sounds of cracking ice following him as he went. His breathing was ragged, panic gripping him violently.

He could see the shoreline approaching. He just hoped that the ice would hold out for long enough for him make it to dry land. He picked up the pace, his breathing beginning to quicken in panic.

100 meters.

75 meters.

50 meters—

The ground caved in from underneath him with the next step he took. His leg shot through the ice, causing him to trip. His torso slammed into the ice with a strangled gasp, and then the rest of the ice broke, and he was dunked into the water.

The first thing he registered onto was the cold, colder than anything he had ever experienced. Colder than the snow he had felt up until that point. Colder than—

A brief flash, and Cryptor was himself back when the Digital Overlord was trying to take over. The ice crawled its way up his legs, encasing him in a coffin of cold. The burning, horrible, splitting pain that came afterwards— it was too much. Someone make it stop. Someone make it stop—!

He opened up his mouth to scream, and the frigid water came rushing in. He was choking, gasping for air when there was none, dying. He was dying again. Again. He struggled for a sense of direction, unable to tell which way was up.

The second thing he noticed that it was dark. His night vision was basically useless. He looked up and managed to see the broken gash in the ice. He clawed his way to the surface. His right hand broke the water and managed to grasp onto the ice outside, his claws puncturing themselves so deep into the surface that they went straight through.

He pulled his upper chest out of the water, gasping and heaving for air, pulling in as much oxygen as his body would allow. Each breath he took was burning cold, but it didn’t matter. He just wanted to live.

“Shi-shit!” He managed to sputter out. He attempted to heave himself back onto the ice, and planted his left arm onto the surface, before using both arms to drag himself out.

The ice shattered once more, and he fell beneath the waves once again. The cold gripped its hands around his skin, the water dragging him further down, wanting to pull him to his watery grave.

He was losing.

Warning signals flashed before his vision, not doing anything to relieve his stress.

>Body temperature below -20 degrees. Internal heating system failure detected.

>Water detected. Threat of short-circuiting: 37%

>43%. Shutting down all non-essential functions to prevent short-circuiting. Entering low power mode.

He struggled for the surface once more. His movements became sluggish, and a dark, murky blackness tugged at the edges of his vision. He reached for the surface once again, but his fingers couldn’t reach the edge.

“No no no no!!” He screamed, his hands flailing for anything to find purchase on. Nothing. The water was rushing in, and he was dying.

Again.

He strained, but his fingertips hung inches away, and he was unable to produce a short burst of strength to close the distance.

He wanted to open his mouth to scream for help, but he was too busy gagging on the lake water to produce a single sound.

He was dying.

Another flash, and he could see himself perched on top of a tree limb, a chained weapon in his hands. Zane stood in front of him, a sword held in his right hand. A brief fight later, and Cryptor could see the wood of the tree rushing up to meet him. But his own weapon was there, and he let out a silent gasp once the sharp part came piercing through his chest—

He inhaled violently at the memory. More water came rushing in, silencing any sound he made. He struggled again, trying desperately to break the surface. But between his exhausted state and his soaked, heavy clothes, it was impossible.

He twisted his body into a standing upright position, and attempted to kick with his legs to creating propulsion, enough to get him to the surface.

>Threat of short-circuiting: 56%. Leave water immediately. Low power mode initiated.

His legs wouldn’t move. They had frozen into place. The panic was there, filling every crevice of his being. He wanted to cry, but every time he attempted to breathe his chest would ache like someone had stabbed him and twisted the knife deep.

His arm was gone. The walls around him had caved in, trapping him underneath a pile of rubble. He had felt the wires snap and disconnect once he attempted to free himself while his left arm was pinned underneath concrete, the agony working its way up his arm and shooting up into his skull. His teeth were gritted and pained tears streamed down his face. His left side was completely soaked with his blood—

“No.” He growled angrily. This couldn’t happen. He didn’t want this to happen. “You’ve been through all that hell, and you’re going to die here?”

His mind settled on an option. But there was an extremely high risk that he could die from it.

“I’m going to die either way.” He mumbled to himself.

“Override!” He basically screeched from within his mind. This was probably a bad idea, but he didn’t have any other choice.

>Low power mode command terminated. Threat of short-circuiting: 82%.

By some miracle, his body had decided not to fry yet. He reached for the surface, praying that he’d make it. He had to. He needed to.

His hands managed to claw themselves back into the surface.

He broke the surface, gagging and coughing. He dragged his upper chest into the ice and began to retch water, his body attempting to purge as much of it from his system as fast as possible. He let in a sharp inhale, gasping for breath. His breathing was heavy and uneven, but he was alive.

Two strong hands grabbed his arms and pulled him completely out of the water. He could barely even register onto what was happening before a thick blanket was wrapped around his shoulders and someone pulled him in close. It was then that Cryptor noticed that he himself was shaking. Violently.

“Dammit, he’s ice cold! We need to get him inside, immediately!” The voice sounded oddly familiar, but Cryptor was completely overtaken by exhaustion that he couldn’t place a name on it. It was then that he registered into the hum of the Bounty’s engines filling the silent air, the distant chatter and yelling of the ninja.

They had found him.

“You’re okay.” The voice spoke firmly, before the nindroid was completely lifted off his feet, almost as if he weighed nothing.

Cole.

Another pause, as Cole basically sprinted for the Bounty with Cryptor’s body in his arms  

“You’re okay.”

[timhatchlive]

When Its Almost Over

The most helpful thing about reading the Bible is to learn about the many times God's people were almost done for and it turned out fine or even better than expected in the end. Isaiah 36 introduces us to a moment in Judah's history where it seems that their history is almost over. 

Isaiah 36:1 (ESV) In the fourteenth year of King Hezekiah, Sennacherib king of Assyria came up against all the fortified cities of Judah and took them.

Have you ever sensed the enemy standing at your door? And I'm not talking about your front door. I'm talking about your bedroom door. He's taken ground, he's encroached upon your life and you feel overwhelmed by a sense of seeming inevitable end. You will be there. It happens to some of God's best. In this case, it happens to Hezekiah. For the first time since the first verse of Isaiah's writing, Hezekiah's name shows up in the text. It is quite interesting that it happens to show up at the dark moment of Sennacherib's invasion. This is the truth about trouble. It puts the spotlight on you when you least desire it. 

Sennacherib sends a message in this chapter to the people under Hezekiah's reign:

Isaiah 36:4–7 (ESV) And the Rabshakeh said to them, “Say to Hezekiah, ‘Thus says the great king, the king of Assyria: On what do you rest this trust of yours? 5 Do you think that mere words are strategy and power for war? In whom do you now trust, that you have rebelled against me? 6 Behold, you are trusting in Egypt, that broken reed of a staff, which will pierce the hand of any man who leans on it. Such is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who trust in him. 7 But if you say to me, “We trust in the LORD our God,” is it not he whose high places and altars Hezekiah has removed, saying to Judah and to Jerusalem, “You shall worship before this altar”?

How insulting to be taunted by someone in front of your subordinates. But again, it happens to some of God's best. When Christ, God's SON hung on the cross, the rulers and religious leaders taunted Him in full view of his disciples and Mary. 

There are a few deceptions in Rabshekah's words and it's instructive to point them out. 

Isaiah 36:8 (ESV) Come now, make a wager with my master the king of Assyria: I will give you two thousand horses, if you are able on your part to set riders on them.

The enemy offers peace. There is never peace with him. He comes to steal kill and destroy. 

Isaiah 36:10 (ESV) Moreover, is it without the LORD that I have come up against this land to destroy it? The LORD said to me, “Go up against this land and destroy it.” ’ ”

The enemy pits you against God. What the messenger says here is true according to Isaish 10:5-6. Assyria was God's tool to chastise Israel. But true theology helps us understand that even what God brings into our lives that opposes us is useful to shape us and draw us closer to Him, not set us against Him. 

Isaiah 36:16–17 (ESV) Do not listen to Hezekiah. For thus says the king of Assyria: Make your peace with me and come out to me. Then each one of you will eat of his own vine, and each one of his own fig tree, and each one of you will drink the water of his own cistern, 17 until I come and take you away to a land like your own land, a land of grain and wine, a land of bread and vineyards.

The enemy offers you what only God can guarantee you. These blessings are the blessings of those who obey the Lord, not those who negotiate with the devil. 

Isaiah 36:18 (ESV) Beware lest Hezekiah mislead you by saying, “The LORD will deliver us.” Has any of the gods of the nations delivered his land out of the hand of the king of Assyria?

The enemy typically beefs up his resume to intimidate us. It doesn't matter what he says about himself, we need to remember what God has said about him - satan is defeated and his doom is certain. There may be moments God lets the enemy lead you to the end of yourself but it's just the beginning of God in you, the hope of Glory!

What is the proper response in all these vicious messages from our enemy?

Isaiah 36:21 (ESV) But they were silent and answered him not a word, for the king’s command was, “Do not answer him.”

Don't converse. That was the woman's mistake in Genesis 3. And in the next chapter Hezekiah does what we need to do in those moments when the enemy seems to be breathing down our neck.

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[itsmyusualphannie]

i must admit, i can’t explain

dan's past self returns. dan and phil do a pretty terrible job figuring out what's going on.

“Are you real?” asked Dan. “Of course I am. You’re the ones that aren’t real.” “I’m real!” said Phil, offended.

1974 words - (read on ao3)

beta’ed by @emikochauhan!

this is a sequel to ‘baby i’m howell-in’ for you’ (read on ao3)

“How’s that going?” Phil asked Dan.

Dan scrubbed angrily at the pot in his hand. He paused and regarded it with a mixture of irritation and dismay. “It’s not,” he said and resumed scrubbing it. Their dinner had been delicious, certainly, but Dan regretted not washing the dishes immediately after cooking. He should’ve at least put water in the pot so the remains of the food didn’t stick to it.

Phil laughed sympathetically and patted Dan’s shoulder, notably not offering to help with it. “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

“Good.” Dan scowled over his shoulder, attempting and failing to maintain his annoyed expression while Phil's stupid grin was aimed at him. “Leave me with this disgusting pan, you horrible excuse for a boyfriend.”

Phil pinched his ass and left the kitchen while Dan cursed at him. He returned to violently scraping at the pan, pouring a generous amount of soap over it and rubbing with more intensity. Aha! Something had flaked off. No, wait, that was part of the scrubber. “Goddamnit,” said Dan aloud. He dropped the pan into the sink and glared at it.

“Umm...Dan?” came Phil’s tremulous voice from the bedroom. “I mean. Dan!”

Dan shoved the pan under the tap and filled it with water, using Phil’s call as an excuse to give up on trying to clean it. He headed for the bedroom, wiping his damp and water-wrinkled hands on his shirt. “What?” he asked, pushing the door to the room all the way open.

“Uh,” said Phil, and pointed at the bed.

Beneath the covers, wrapped comfortably in Dan’s duvet, was another Dan. His straight, dark hair was the only thing that was actually visible peeking over the top of the blankets, but it was unmistakably him.

Dan looked down at himself, looked at the Howell from his dreams a few weeks ago, and back at himself. He pinched his arm. “Ow, fuck.”

“What’s happening,” said Phil. “Who is that. Is that you.” His questions sounded like statements. He sounded vaguely in shock and, if possible, looked even paler than usual.

Dan still didn’t believe this was real, so he reached out and pinched Phil too.

“Ouch!” said Phil. He rubbed his arm, pouting, but he didn’t look away from the apparently-sleeping form on the bed. “What was that for?”

“Hmm,” said Dan in reply. He stalked closer to the bed and slapped a hand on the duvet. “Howell!”

With a start, the blankets came alive. Legs kicked and flailed, arms windmilling, and finally, a face appeared, brown eyes wide with surprise and panic. “Hello? What? Who’s there?”

“Fuck,” said Dan appreciatively at his younger self’s idiocy. “Phil, am I dreaming?”

“Am I dreaming?” Phil retorted, despite Dan's pinches to prove that they weren’t. “This doesn’t happen in real life.”

Though they hadn’t been helpful to calm the younger Dan’s surprise in the slightest, he had relaxed a little, but still scuttled back against the headboard with his knees drawn up to his chest. He eyed Dan with suspicious eyes. “Didn’t I dream you?”

“No, I dreamed you,” Dan corrected. “Or, I think I did. I thought I did. Are you real?”

“Of course I am. You’re the ones that aren’t real.”

“I’m real!” said Phil, offended.

Dan reached out and poked Howell in the cheek. He hadn't dried his hands completely and his touch left a cloudy drop of water trembling on Howell’s face just above where a dimple would appear. “He feels real,” he informed Phil.

Howell rubbed his cheek, wiping away the water drop and scowling at both of them. He squinted, either suspicious or confused.

“How did you get here?” Phil asked.

“Why are you in my bed?” added Dan.

“I dunno,” said Howell. “And it’s my bed.”

“It’s mine,” Dan insisted. “You’re in our time period. It’s mine.”

“Just to clarify,” said Phil, remaining looking vaguely shell-shocked. “You’re Dan, right? From, like, years ago? And you've both...dreamed about each other before?”

“Er,” they both said at the same time and exchanged suspicious stares immediately afterward.

“I thought I’d dreamt him a few weeks ago, that night when you went to get groceries and I napped on the sofa,” Dan said.

“I thought I dreamt him when I fell asleep on Phil’s bed instead of doing the laundry,” said Howell. Dan was wary of the slow smirk that was forming on Howell’s face. He knew with annoying clarity the plans that he himself made whenever he grinned like that.

“Also,” Howell added, confirming Dan's suspicions, “in my dream, we made out.”

Phil’s gaze flicked from Dan to Howell. “Did you make out with him in your dream?” he addressed to Dan.

“No!” said Dan heatedly, an automatic reaction to the accusative look in Phil’s eyes, then reluctantly, “...maybe. Kind of. Look, I’ve told you before what I’d do if I met a clone of myself. The entire internet knows. Fuck, then kill.”

“Hey!” protested Howell, presumably to the ‘kill’ part of that phrase.

Phil pointed a finger accusingly. “Dan, he’s not a clone. He’s you, I think, from the past or whatever. That’s like...incest.”

“Masturbation,” chorused Dan and Howell.

Phil’s face did a strange thing that Dan had seen it do very rarely. Dan did not like it. “Did you…?”

“No!” said Dan again. Then he felt his own face do a strange thing, which he liked even less. “Um. Sort of. But, like, closer to the ‘no’ than the ‘sort of.’”

“What the fuck,” said Phil.

“I was dreaming!” Dan added hastily. “I’m not responsible for my own actions in dreams.”

“Evidently,” said Phil, “you weren’t dreaming.”

Dan and Howell exchanged considering glances. In Dan's desire to appease Phil, they had apparently found something in common, besides literally being each other.

“Hmm,” said Howell. Dan was irritated with himself for noticing how indecently low Howell's shirt dipped, revealing pale, jutting collarbones and the faintest red mark where the Phil from his time had doubtlessly left a fading bite. “I’m fairly sure we were dreaming,” Howell mused. “Like, I woke up in my own time when Phil came in and then Dan was gone.”

“I woke up when Phil came in, too, and you’d disappeared,” Dan offered, “but I didn’t know I was asleep until then.”

Howell frowned at him. “Hey, you never apologized for slapping me.”

Dan frowned right back. Their comradery was lost. “Well, what did you expect me to do? What would you do if you saw your past self walk around the sofa and stare at you?”

“Shit, I dunno,” Howell retorted, “seeing as I actually did walk around a sofa and saw my future self staring up at me, and I didn’t reach down to immediately slap him, I’d say I did pretty well.”

Dan crossed his arms across his chest and scoffed. “Well, I’m not apologizing to myself for slapping myself in a dream.”

“My brain hurts,” Phil announced to the room. Their heads turned toward him instantly.

“Do you need to lie down?” Howell asked at the same time Dan said, “You need to lie down.”

Phil pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyelids tightly together. He walked over the bed and threw himself down face-first, narrowly avoiding Howell’s drawn-up legs. He pressed his face into the duvet and lay there silently.

Howell reached out to pat him sympathetically. Dan glared at the familiar movement, hostile suddenly for no reason that he could identify.

“Want to have sex?” Howell offered.

“No!” snapped Dan.

“No!” Phil said at the same time, his voice muffled.

Howell sulked visibly, his shoulders slumping and mouth turning down at the corners. “Aww, why not? You always say sex helps with headaches unless it’s a migraine.”

“He’s not yours,” Dan bit out. “He’s mine. You can have sex with your own Phil.”

Phil lifted his face from the duvet, frowning. “Dan, the possessive thing again,” he said, reprimanding. “But also, yeah. First of all, I’m more than ten years older than you. That’s creepy. Second of all, you’re jealous as hell.”

“I’m not jealous,” Dan blatantly lied.

“I don’t mind,” Howell assured him. “I’ve had sex with people ten years older than me, and I like you a lot better than them. And you’re literally Phil, so it’s not like I’m cheating.”

Phil turned a disbelieving stare on Dan, who found that entirely unfair, as he hadn’t been the one who’d said it. “Wait, you what? When? With whom?”

“What?” said Dan, almost a screech. “I did not! What the fuck, Howell?”

“Oh, yeah,” Howell said, disappointed. “I forgot you remember what I’ve done.”

“Because I’m you! We have the same fucking memories!”

“Oh, yeah,” said Howell again. Then he laughed. “Ha. Fucking memories. Literally.”

Dan glared at him.

“I want to erase this entire conversation,” Phil groaned, smashing his face back into the blankets. “I just wanted to get ready for bed and go to sleep.”

“I mean,” Howell said generously, eyeing Phil’s backside, “you still can. I don’t mind. You can change into your pyjamas anytime now, I won’t stop you.”

Dan resisted the urge to slap his own past self in his stupid tanned face. He caught Howell’s unashamed ogling of Phil’s ass and barked, “Stop staring at Phil! He’s not your version, he’s mine, and you won’t get him for another, like, nine or ten years.”

“Selfish,” scoffed Howell. He turned his gaze to Dan and looked him up and down, smirking. “Okay. I’ll stare at myself instead.”

Dan did not remember himself being this forward and...horny. He could never imagine propositioning his future self or a future Phil, no matter how old he was. It was horrifying.

He didn’t tell Howell to stop, though.

“I want to wake up,” Phil complained.

“We’ve already established that we’re not dreaming right now, though Howell and I might have been earlier,” Dan said. “That’s what the whole pinching and poking things were about.”

“You can feel things in a dream,” said Phil. “I think. Anyway, how do we know you’re real?”

Howell looked annoyed, which Dan found as a relief from his previous flirty expression. “Gee, I dunno. How do I know you’re real? I can’t exactly prove my own existence.”

“I could break his hand,” Dan suggested maliciously. “Then it might affect me now. Like my hand would have a weird bend or something.”

Wide-eyed, Howell tucked his hands under his own ass.

“No,” said Phil firmly, even though he probably knew Dan hadn’t meant it. Dan grinned meanly at Howell, who scowled back at him. At least he’d stopped flirting. “Why are you calling him Howell?” Phil asked, randomly.

“That’s what I said!” Howell said.

“Because I’m older!” Dan said over him. Howell sulked again and Dan added, “Why, are you just calling us both Dan in your head or something?”

Phil didn’t look at either of them, but the posture of his entire body looked sheepish. “I mean, maybe. You are both Dan.”

Dan was offended for reasons he couldn’t identify. “Yeah, but I’m your Dan.”

“Technically,” Howell chimed in, unhelpfully, “we’re both his Dan. Just because we’re from a different time period doesn’t make that any different.”

Dan had experienced these urges to strangle himself before, but it had never been his own physical body separate from his current one. He settled for glowering at Howell and hoping his point was made clear.

Howell shoved his hands further under his ass. “Wanna make out?” he asked weakly.

“No.” Dan pointed an angry finger at him. “I will not make out with you again. No more tricking me into it. Never again.”

--

“What’s happening,” Phil said, ten minutes later. He looked so confused, and Dan felt a little sorry for him.

Not enough to detach his mouth from Howell’s neck, though.

[fromthefriars]

Mistaken Identity (blog by Fr Jeremiah CFR)

I can’t remember exactly how old I was, but as a young boy I asked myself an important question: who am I? It appeared, at least to me, like a natural question. After all, I thought, what was the point of living if you didn’t know who you are? In my childlike innocence, I assumed everyone was fascinated by this question and that most people were eager to discover the answer. Needless to say, I was thoroughly confused to realize this was not so.

Many people, I learned, lived on the surface of life. They placed their hope in things like social status, athletic ability, physical appearance, etc. to reveal to them who they were. I often heard people say things like, “I am a doctor”, “I am an honor student” or “I am poor,” implying a person’s real identity was something exterior. Ignorant of any other possibilities, it was here that began my own journey of self-discovery.

Almost my entire childhood was consumed by baseball. Every spare moment was spent, either working on my pitching in my backyard, or at batting practice in some field near my house. After experiencing a tiny amount of success, I witnessed a bizarre set of associations begin to unfold: people were identifying me with baseball. I was the pitcher on this team, who helped win this game, who was turning this team around. Somewhat stunned by such dramatic conclusions, I looked past the irrationality of it all and began to digest every word that was spoken about this mysterious person who everyone was identifying as “me.” I was a good pitcher, athletic and helping my team win games, hence, I was a baseball player.

As I entered my teenage years, my identity as a baseball player proved insufficient. My feelings, emotions and even my physical appearance was in a constant state of change. Due to these sudden and often times radical changes occurring both within me and without, I became terribly insecure and afraid. It was during this time of turmoil where I encountered the power of music. I would read the lyrics of different songs, particularly rock songs, and felt understood. I could relate to the singer’s pain, confusion and desire for love.

Within weeks of this new discovery, I was teaching myself how to play guitar. A few months later, much to my surprise, I was playing in a band with three other guys. Before I knew it, we were playing gigs on a regular basis and people had, once again, begun to talk. “I love the lyrics you write,” people would say. “You are a great bass player, how did you get so creative?” Enjoying the way all this sounded I believed them. I was creative, artistic, and a good bass player: hence, I was a musician.

By the time I entered college, baseball and music had become a distant memory. Not content with the notoriety, minimal though it was, that baseball and music had brought me, I began to explore a new world of intrigue: philosophy. I had no desire for a career, an impressive resume or academic honors when I began college. I was genuinely seeking wisdom, yet as more people discovered that I was a philosophy major, another strange occurrence began to ensue: people began to label me as intelligent, wise and even spiritual. Never considering myself as having any of those qualities I began to wonder if maybe these people saw something about me that I didn’t. Since I enjoyed the way these acclamations felt, I decided they were right. I was intelligent, wise and spiritual, hence, I was a philosopher.

To say that I was desperate to find out who I was would be an understatement. This question gnawed at me continually, and like many of us, I looked for the answer in all the wrong places. As good as these things are, I never was, nor will be a baseball player, musician or philosopher. Likewise people are never just their careers, social status, or health. Our identity always transcends the categories of this world. “You are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God” (Ephesians 2:19). Put even more simply the apostle says, “your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3).

St. Paul’s message is clear. We belong to God. All the many roles and functions we might play in this world cannot add to or alter the identity God has imprinted within us. A wealthy man I met during a parish mission expressed it this way: “I am a Christian, but the role I play in this world is that of a doctor.” Unfortunately, the temptation to find our true identity among the finite things of this world is always present. Often, when children leave home parents can experience an identity crisis since there are no longer any children to care for. After fulfilling such an important role for so many years, it is easy to identify oneself with that role. “I am a parent,” they might say, “what do I do now?” With no children to care for, they are forced to find a deeper answer to the question, “Who am I?”

Even now as a priest I am tempted to find my identity in the things of God rather than God himself. When I was a novice, a wise old priest used to say to us, “don’t inhale.” He was referring, of course, to any praise and admiration we might receive from preaching or by the witness of our religious life. He was reminding us, not that what was said was not true, but it wasn’t a complete picture. The danger is that by inhaling, i.e. believing what was said about us to be a reflection of our true identity, we would run the risk of attempting to solve the mystery of our identity without all the proper pieces. In essence, this priest was reminding us that the finite things of this world, good though they are, are incomplete and unable to reveal to us who we really are.

Over the past several years I have done a considerable amount of preaching, spiritual direction and writing where I have experienced being God’s instrument to bring healing, hope, and to awaken people to God’s love. In the midst of such “success” I am tempted to ignore the truth of God’s grace at work, and take, if not all, at least half the credit. “Yes,” a subtle voice says inside of me, “you are a great preacher, spiritual director and writer. This is who you are.” Thankfully, after so many failed attempts to identify myself among the things of this world, I am able to recognize exactly what this is: simply another case of mistaken identity.

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