#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON FROM THERE? AND JUST ACCEPT THIS WAS ALL FOR NOTHING
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men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.
#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my#obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him#simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those#obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao#and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon#i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing#it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings#like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i#was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've#thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me#more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all#the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism#and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby#like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being#kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever#worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO#honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me#i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao#but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm#destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def#do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough#now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see
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I got a packet from the social security people I have to fill out and have sent back in--by mail--by the 26th. I got it on Friday. And I haven't looked at it til now, bc I was so stressed out about my dog being sick and i feel so overwhelmed. They want all my medical records from the last year, which I don't have, because I've only started keeping that stuff since I had my complete mental breakdown and she took me out of work. And there's so many pages and so much information they want. They have to nitpick my whole fucking life, before they can decide I deserve health. Being disabled in this country is a fucking nightmare. Instead of trying to hep, the just look for reasons to disqualify you. Because they don't want to help us; they just want us to go away
#america is a trashfire#i can't even leave my house alone#i literally have been in tears every time they call me#bc taking on the phone to strangers gives me that much anxiety#i can't function#i can't remember anything longer than a few seconds#i can't focus or concentrate on anything#i have to set alarms just to remind me to do things like eat or take meds#i forget to shower sometimes. others i'm too tired to bother#i literally went an entire week without showering recently. bc i didn't remember to do it#i am not well#and i just need help long enough to get well#but how am i supposed to get it? if they make you wait 200+ days just to hear if your claim is accepted#how am i supposed to survive until then?#I can't work bc i can't leave home with having panic attacks#i can't file for unemployment bc to do so you have to be actively looking for a job#and to get disability i have to prove that i can't work#i could probably work if i found a job i could do from home that payed enough to live off of#not to mention they want me to list any income from may-july#which i didn't make any working. but my brother lives me and gives me money to deposit for the bills#that are all in my name bc he hadn't established credit when we moved in. and my credit was better back then#bc i couldn't afford to leave home until i was 28. so my credit was literally based off my student loan payments#and they were pretty low bc i did the income based thing#i'm getting my parents to come help me with the paperwork#not bc i can't understand it. but bc i literally cannot remember something i read 30 seconds ago
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Openly cried on the buss today listening to Hear you me by Jimmy eat World because it reminds me so much of my friend who died recently đ
Im so sorry I never got to thank you for everything you did for me. Im so sorry you didn't get more time. đ
#lisa <3#it hits so close because of the whole#'loosing someone who I loved so dearly and who truly changed my life and is one of the best friends ive ever had or ever will have#but who I've also haven't been that close to the last few years because of living in different countries' thing#she was supposed to be moving back in a year or so#we could have become close again#but now we'll never have that chance#I won't get to tell her how proud and impressed I am with the life she built for herself#she truly was doing all the things she'd dreamed of for as long as I knew her#and I was so happy for her and proud and I hope she knew that despite being so far from each other the last few years#and I hope she knew how fundamentally she changed my life#its funny I literally told both my therapist and my brother only a few days before she died about how meeting her was the start of#me gaining self confidence and feeling like I could explore and express who I am and be accepted and loved#and Im so thankful to her for that and for all our years of friendship and I wish I could have told her than one last time#so yeah this song just hits different now
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I wish someone would talk about it lol
#mourning the death of pre-pandemic life#2019#you don't feel like there's a black hole of indiscernable time between then and now?#i feel like i should be the same age i was then and instead i'm forced to accept that that was 4 years ago and the time passed anyway#it feels like someone fucking died#i feel like i should be able to flip back and close all those pages now that i've read them#like picking up at a savepoint before you fuck up the side quest and die lol#but instead it's just a permanent part of history#this shit is radicalizing me lol#i know it's just deep trauma or whatever but man#how am i supposed to just accept that those years are swallowed up by memory holes and deep sadness and fear#i can barely rememeber anything from 2020 past march#i know we moved on with life anyway but lately i just feel so crushed by what feels like that chapter closing and it pisses me off#that we all just have to be marred by that forever#literally nothing is the same#and literally nothing good came out of it lol i don't give a fuck what anyone says#it's just copium to say otherwise#fuck this
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141 What If....
You ask him to leave the uniform on? đ„”đ„”đ„”đ„”
I am feral over this. FERAL. Literally chewing on my own arm because I need to calm down. Your prompts always get me going. I totally blame you for this. Now, I went with a little variety here. We've got Kyle in formal military dress, John coming home from deployment, Johnny returning on break for a quickie, and Simon playing out a pre discussed fantasy. Enjoy!!!
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Female Reader
Content & Warnings: established relationship, CNC, breeding, restraints, welcome home sex, quickies, formal events, semi-public sex, unprotected piv (wrap it up irl), sex in a car, dirty talk, brief knifeplay, light degradation
Word Count: 3.3k
ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
Johnâs return is delayed.
He was supposed to come home to you a month ago. But it wasnât him that notified you about his postponed reunion. Someone from SAS contacted you via the post. The envelope held a singular piece of paper. No apology. Just black ink on a white sheet with an official letterhead. John has always been good about making sure you know when heâll return. It's something you constantly worry about.
While on a mission, you won't hear from himâthis you know. But whenever he is able, John makes an effort to let you know when to expect him or if he's okay.
To not hear from him is odd, and it stirs up all sorts of emotions, pushing your brain toward any number of possibilities. Each scenario appears briefly before sliding into another. They worsenâand then youâre sick, stomach twisted into a tight knot.
That piece of paper is on the kitchen counter. Untouchedâbut not forgotten. It said yesterday. And yesterday, John did not return.
Youâre chewing on your fingernails. Pacing. Stressing.
It's the familiar squeak of the doorknob from the front door that finally stalls your racing thoughts. All that mental energy becomes physical. You're sprinting, throwing yourself at John the moment he enters.
He chucklesâthe sound is pleasant and soothing to your heart.
âDidnât think youâd be home,â he says, drawing you close.
Your answer is to wrap your arms around the back of his neck, and seize a kiss from him that says so much. You need John to know how much youâve missed himâhow worried youâve been.
His hands on your hips tighten, squeezing slightly as he melts under your kisses. Each one is desperate. Needy. You savor him like youâll never know this again. John's grip on you is firm, and much stronger than you can resist. He draws you away from himânot enough to create a separationâbut enough to talk.
âSlow down, love. Let me look at you.â His hands move to your face, cradling your cheeks. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too," you reply. You pull him close again. "Need you." Just a murmur, hardly audible, but John hears it.
He does not resist. He gives in, accepting your love, answering every kiss and touch with one of his own. Hands roam, fingers cling, and yet you're not nearly close enough. You need him on his back with you atop him.
John breaks away, breathing heavy, lips slightly puffy from kissing you. "Bedroom."
You shake your head. "Right here,â you reply, going in for another kiss. âUniform stays on.â
The middle of John's brow scrunches slightly in confusion, but your fingers are already looping in his belt buckles, guiding him into the living room. That brief moment of confusion morphs into a sultry smirk.
John allows you to guide, allows you to push him onto his back on the sofa. His hands never leave your body, they roam constantly even as you undo the front of his pants and shimmy them down to mid-thigh.
You have him in hand instantly, coaxing him to hardness quickly. The need for him is a driving force, positioning yourself above him, ready to impale yourself.
John's hand slips between your legs, fingers finding your center. "Yourâfuck." The sound of your slickness greets him and John groans.
Placing your hands on his chest, John palms the base of his cock, lining it up. You don't slowly ease down. You drop, accepting every inch of him in one go. There is a brief flare of pain from the rapid intrusion, and then it's gone, replaced with the fullness of him inside you.
With your palms splayed wide, you're able to rock your hips, moving up and down his length in a steady movement that has both of you groaning.
"I missed you," he murmurs as you come back down on him. "FuckâI missed you."
Your thighs start to burn with every bounce. John's fingers dig into your hips, dragging downward before ascending again. With the next roll of your hips, John meets you, thrusting up. It cuts a sharp gasp from your lips.
He grips harder, taking control. You cling to the front of his uniform, fisting the fabric as John brings you down just as he thrusts upward. It is not sweet. It is brutal and desperate. Each connection drags more pleasure out of you until your head falls back and you clench around him.
With a deep groan, John sits up, and effortlessly flips you over onto your back. Pinned beneath him, there is nowhere to go. All you can do is take what he gives.
John buries his face against your neck. "Love you so much."
You hook your heels behind his legs, urging him on. "Love you," you manage to gasp.
It is all sweat and heat. John's lips graze the line of your throat and then your chin. You turn toward him, the two of you meeting as he holds his body against yours, his release flooding your pussy.
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
Kyle drapes his arm over your shoulder, tugging you against him, the noise of the function receding with every step. Usually when the two of you attend a formal function together, Kyle is in a suit, but this attendance was requested by Kyle's superior officer, Captain John Price.
Instead of a suit, Kyle wears his formal military dress. The uniform is freshly steamed and free of wrinkles. His shoes are polished to perfection. Like this, he's incredibly handsome. You've been admiring him all night, resisting the urge to touch him too much around people he works with on a regular basis.
"Can't wait to take this bloody thing off," sighs Kyle, lightly tugging on the neckline of his uniform.
You rest your head against his shoulder, savoring his warmth. "I think you look rather dashing."
"Dashing?" he laughs.
As the two of you enter the parking garage, you snag his hat, placing it on your head. Kyle's smile widens. He leans in for a kiss, greedily accepting what you offer him. Removing the car keys from his pocket, Kyle hits the button to unlock the vehicle. The SUV beeps, headlights coming on.
Kyle takes his hat back, holding it with one hand instead of putting it back on his head. He offers his mouth again and you close the distance.
"Can't wait to get that dress off you, love," he murmurs against your lips. âBeen thinking about it all evening.â
You place your hand against his chest. "I think I'd like it if you leave the uniform on."
Kyle nearly chokes. "What?" he draws back slightly.
With a mischievous grin, you tug Kyle around the side of the SUV. The vehicle is in a corner spot, leaving the two of you tucked between it and a cement wall. There is no camera and no light. Both of you are hidden in shadow.
No one will notice the two of you unless they come looking.
You lean in slowly, offering your mouth. Kyle places his hand on the side of your throat, thumb slowly rubbing against the front of your neck. The kiss is honey-sweet, and tinted with seductive need. You seek another, and yet another until the two of you are gasping for air.
"Not here," murmurs Kyle, drawing back slightly.
Your hand slides downward, pausing at his belt. Kyle whispers your name, but there is no fight in it. If anything, it is lustful. Fingers toying with the belt, you kiss him again, loosening the buckle and then the front of his pants.
Reaching your hand inside, you find him hard and wanting.
"Someone will see," he groans, grabbing your wrist.
"Who will see us?" you reply softly. Kyle's gaze shifts outward to the parking garage.
"No one is around." You start to descend, opening his pants further.
Kyle's attention returns to you. His pupils expand as you take him in hand, painting your bottom lip with a pearly bead of cum. You present your glossy mouth to him, and Kyle brushes the pad of his thumb across it.
You lightly nip at that thumb, and then take him into your mouth. Kyle stifles his groan, but it comes out as a muted whimper. He gently cups the back of your head as you suck him down, hollowing your cheeks when you come back up.
This is just a tease. You want his resolve to slip.
Kyle doesn't break eye contact. He is completely focused on watching you. His dick twitches in your mouth, and Kyle grunts.
"Fuck, love. Come here."
With gentle tenderness, Kyle grasps the back of your neck, easing you off him. You extended your legs, leaning into him.
His voice is slightly husky. "I can't wait until we're home."
Kyle opens the rear passenger door and helps you up into the seat. You slide backward to the other end, Kyle following. With a hand on your throat, he pushes you onto your back. These next kisses are rough and possessive. Hungry. Claiming. You open for him, wanting to consume.
His free hand is gripping your dress, shoving it upward where it collects at your hips. Your tongue meets his the moment his fingers slip between skin and underwear. It is brief, and then he's drawing back only to bury his face between your legs.
Digging your heels into Kyle's back to stabilize yourself, you give in, moaning loudly as his tongue swirls a path up and down your sex. He teases just like you teased him. But it is short-lived.
Kyle is desperate for you. He finds your clit and stays put, tongue working quickly to send you over the edge. Your body shudders, a breathy groan escaping you as the orgasm hits. Still on your back, Kyle ascends, one hand pressed to the inside of your thigh while the other finds leverage against the car door just above your head. You lift your hips slightly, presenting your pussy to him.
He takes the hint, thrusting deep.
He does not go slowly. It is skin slapping against skin. It is all low groans and desperate fingers. His body weight keeps you pinned, and if anyone were to open door they'd have a clear view of his bare ass.
"Don't stop," you beg. "Please."
Kyle's answer is to seize your mouth, to force his air into your lungs, to firmly press his body to yours and swivel his hips, pelvis grinding against clit. Your hands fall on his ass, and then he's transformed. An animal. Rutting.
Surely, the car is shaking, but you hardly care. You only want him to finish. To give you every drop of his release.
You feel his muscles tighten under your hands, and then your bodies are sealed.
There is a small pause between then and the moment he kisses you, this time tenderly.
"So much for waiting," you tease.
Kyleâs exhalation is a pleased one. "Just wait until we get home."
John "Soap" MacTavish
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"
Johnny's smile is devilish. "Came to see you."
"Me?" you laugh. "You just saw me this morning."
"And it wasn't nearly enough," coos Johnny, grabbing hip and waist, tugging you against him. "Missed you the whole time. Couldn't stay away."
Before you can form a reply, Johnny is lifting you up and onto the kitchen counter. He pushes everything up and out of the way, revealing your pussy to him.
"Johnny!" you exclaim.
With one hand on your thigh, Johnny uses his other hand to remove his belt and undo the front of his pants.
"I came home to fuck my wife." You instantly feel your cheeks grow hot. With a sultry smile, Johnny leans in but doesn't close the distance. "Would you like that?"
You nod. "Yes," you reply, voice nearly a whisper. "Butâ"
"But what?" he asks. You gesture at him. "The uniform? That stays on, love."
Guiding you wider, Johnny circles your clit with the pad of his thumb. The touch is electric, making you shiver as he toys with your sensitivity.
"Look at that," he purrs. "Look how wet and ready you are for me."
You whimper as Johnny tests your pussy with a finger.
"I think this deserves something bigger. What do you think, love?" He inserts a second and you whimper again. "Use your words."
"I want you inside me."
"I am inside you," he teases, pumping both fingers.
You shake your head, gasping as his thumb toys with your clit. "Your dick, Johnny."
"That I can do." His fingers are gone instantly, replaced with the head of his cock. He holds himself just inside, inching slowly until you've taken him to the base. "We'll have to make this quick. Can't be late and disappoint Price."
Johnny lightly swivels his hips, and then he's holding you in place, thrusting steadily. He kisses your lips, then your cheek. Resting his forehead against your temple, Johnny boxes you in, using your pussy for himself.
"You take me so well," he says softly. "Watch. Want you to watch."
Your gaze shifts downward, locking on to where your bodies meet. Keeping one hand on the countertop to stabilize yourself, you bring the other between your legs, fingers lightly playing with your clit.
"That's it," purrs Johnny. "Come for me."
A brief swirl and you're gone, squeezing hard around Johnny. He fucks you through it, grunting as he increases his pace. With a moan that claws up his throat, Johnny seals your bodies together, and his warmth floods your pussy. He thrusts lightly and stills.
A beat of silence, and then you both burst out into laughter.
"Fucking hell," he mutters, shaking his head.
"You came all this way on a break just to have sex with me?" you laugh.
Johnny leans back, grinning sheepishly. He glances down at his watch, smile fading. "Shit."
He pulls out and steps back, fumbling with his pants.
"Are you going to be late?" you ask teasingly.
Johnny tightens his belt and then helps you off the counter. With a quick kiss to the cheek, he heads out the door.
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Every light in the house is off. The blinds are closed and it's completely dark except in one particular room.
The deep red glow calls out to you like a siren song. You stride toward it, moving through the hall silently like a shadow. The bedroom door stands open, revealing the blood-tinged space. From your point of view, nothing is out of place. All is calm and as it should be.
But Simon is here somewhere. Lurking. Watching.
This is what you wanted after all. An idea you passed off to Simon with the hope that he'd indulge your fantasy. Clearly, he took it to heart.
Adrenaline spikes in your blood as your gaze focuses on the bed. Attached to each corner are wrist and ankle cuffs. To be immobile and bred at Simon's pleasure is all you asked for, and here it is.
As you step forward, a large gloved hand slides over the front of your throat, squeezing. Simon is right behind you, and you feel every inch of him. Without even having to look, you know Simon is in full tactical gear. Parts of it dig into your back.
The leather of his gloves squeak as his fingers adjust against your throat. With a little pressure, he tilts your head back and you meet his whiskey-brown eyes. It's all you can see of his face. The rest is shrouded behind a balaclava.
"Do as I say," he growls. "Or you'll make this harder on yourself."
His command sends a bolt of need straight to your clit. Already, you feel a growing slickness between your thighs.
"Answer me if you understand."
"I understand," you murmur.
Simon makes a pleased sound deep in his throat. His thumb rubs a gentle line back and forth over the same spot.
His head tilts, lips pressing against your ear through the balaclava. "Then be a good little slut and get on your back."
Using his leverage on your throat, Simon lightly shoves you toward the bed. This time you turn around, facing him completely for the first time. He's dressed in all black tactical gear. Every inch of him is covered except his eyes, and his large frame fills the doorway.
When you take a step back, he takes a step forward. The backs of your thighs hit the bed, and you push yourself up and on, reclining until you're nearly horizontal. Simon saunters, gaze predatory and observing. His gloved hands hover just above your legs, pausing there before he bends slightly, reaching for an ankle cuff.
Simon glances between it and you languidly. You're not sure what his intentions are, not until he grabs your ankle with his other hand and tugs hard. You yelp, surprised, and then you kick out, attempting but failing to free yourself as Simon attaches the cuff into place.
"You said you understood," he growls, as you sit up to swing on him.
Simon snatches your wrist right out of the air. He hops onto the bed, kneeling as he grabs one of the cuffs for your wrists. Still, you fight and still you fail as he latches it in place.
You're not immobile but you're more restrained than before, movement restricted enough that you can't fight back like you want to. Not that you want to escape.
With a fluidity that surprises, Simon removes a knife from his boot and hooks it under the hem of your shirt. A sharp tug and the fabric surrenders to the blade. Simon tears it further, removing the garment completely.
As you use your one free arm to lash out, Simon is already prepared, blocking the blow and forcing it back to the bed. He attaches the cuff and returns the knife to your clothes, splitting your pants and tossing the remains aside.
You're on your back, completely naked and cuffed to the bed.
Simon's hand wraps around your throat, the knife tip dangerously close to your face. "I was going to worship your pretty pussy," he murmurs. "But I think I'll just take what I want."
It's all a gameâa scene. You want Simon to use you, to fuck you ceaselessly, to do whatever the fuck he wants because he can.
Simon flips the knife and imbeds it into the bed above your head. Slowly, he removes his belt, tossing it aside. When he opens the front of his pants and eases them down a fraction, you nearly groan at the sight of his hardness. Simon palms the base of his cock.
"I won't be gentle," he says, gloved fingers pressing against your pussy.
He rubs back and forth, easing a little more from your body before grabbing your hips and slamming home. There is a brief flare of pain from the intrusion and then nothing at all except excitement.
"Your body is mine," he growls as he fucks you. "And for the next twenty-four hours, I'm going to breed this pussy until I'm satisfied."
You are unable to move, unable to do much but take it. Simon is situated between your spread legs, and you have a clear view of his cock sliding in and out of you. If you want an orgasm, Simon will have to grant it. Begging for it won't get you anywhere. You need to be good, and then he'll reward you.
Simon grunts as he thrusts, pace increasing as he nears his end. Watching him is lovely. His groan is lust-drenched, his orgasm sending a little shudder through him that you feel in your core.
Simon's gaze shifts to between your legs where he slowly pulls out. "What a fucking sweet sight," he murmurs, more to himself than to you.
His cum pools at your entrance, threatening to drip out. Soon you'll be overly full, a mess between your legs and on the bed.
Already Simon is stroking himself back to hardness. "Think that cunt of yours needs a bit more.
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maybe if you had been made right, you would be better at being alone. if you'd assembled yourself out of the particulate, coagulating into amber and diamond - you'd be lovely and desirable. instead of pewter and hungry and anxious.
when she doesn't text you back, you should be normal about that. you should shrug and move on and get back to your beautiful life and your wonderful dog. when you wake up shaking, don't call her, don't beg for her attendance. if someone says i love you, aren't you supposed to feel warm and held and gentle. what is wrong with you that your first instinct is to reject: no, you don't, not really.
what is wrong with you. asking for help from your friends and loved ones is supposed to be a moment of connection and vulnerability. instead you spend hours preparing and weeks recovering. you've done all the reading and you know you are supposed to accept-love-as-it-is presented.
but still the internal questions, litany of the prey animal. do you still love me. am i still attractive. do you care about my interests. am i boring you. are you becoming distant. are you going to leave me. do you like me or are you just managing. am i telling you too much. am i bothering you. do you want me there. am i embarrassing you.
the problem is that your prayers have been right before. you loved someone and they hurt you and now the words sluice against the floorboards no matter how tightly you lock the door. you go to therapy and try to trust and try to be kind and try to assume the best. that everyone is honest and loyal. that you can be happy and alone and miss her but still feel easy, at-home.
it feels like waving a flag in front of a sinking ship. you hold up the scripture and research, preaching: i can do this. i am not going to let my insecurities and fears ruin another relationship.
all of the drowning passengers have your face. they try to say i told you so. i told you this is what ends up happening. their voices are swallowed by the water and the deep below.
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deciding where i want to study is actually THE most stressful thing i have ever done
#all the good unis are so far away from where iâm living rn#i want to kms#also like#how do people even do this#study far away from home#how am i supposed to move there within a month#like if i get accepted 2 weeks before the semester starts??? how am i just gonna move there in two weeks#someone help me
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never yours
summary: azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now.
warnings: angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance)
pairings: azriel x reader, azriel x elain, lucien x reader
words: 6k
you were born in day court during the longest and the warmest day of the year â summer solstice.
even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon.Â
your father was helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his court as his second in command and advisor.Â
your mother was the lead healer of the court. she was one of the most powerful and talented healers of prythian, being a very close second to madja.Â
due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the day court palace and close to helion, who didn't just happen to be your high lord but also your godfather.Â
your parents reconsider that maybe making helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you.
on your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him blackjack.
when he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books.
when you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal.Â
when your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, 'she's my goddaughter. what else am i supposed to do?' with a big grin plastered in his face.
you weren't helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death.Â
your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. after you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.
you saw first hand what true love is really like. you saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other.
you saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him.Â
but you also saw how deep a mating bond could go â you saw it first hand, too.
you saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients.
her death destroyed your father. the pain and the grief of losing your mother â his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.
before he died, your father made helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation.
he became more protective of you. he couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when helion had them for centuries.
your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes, and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, helion called in a favor to thesan to see if he could teach you himself.
the high lord of dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.
you moved to dawn court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the high lord himself but also with his best healers.Â
you became one of the best â talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. just like your mother.
madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you.
rhysand reached out to helion with madja's offer â you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you.Â
it wasn't needed to convince you to agree. you had heard about madja and her healing, after thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor.
rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the house of wind, during your stay in velaris.
you were only supposed to stay in the night court for a year, but that was before you met the shadowsinger.Â
however, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the night court, you would never have accepted the offer.
âąâąâą
azriel couldn't sleep.
no matter how much he tried, he couldn't. not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning.Â
the past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting.
so now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.
but he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw.
your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter.
you were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago.Â
so all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.
 âąâąâą
everything was perfect in the beginning.
velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious.Â
the only thing you actually missed, besides helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other court had but the day court â that was just the day citizen in you talking.
your apprenticeship was going amazing. you and madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much.
two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision.
you really had a gift, and every time madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes â to your mom.
it warmed your heart knowing that the mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.
the house of wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly.
the inner circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. they thought you and mor would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and azriel.
the shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met.
everyone in day was so loud, extroverted and open.
but not him.
he was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. you were able to go through the shell that azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries.Â
a friendship was born.
every day, qzriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the house. you explored velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the city of starlight.Â
you walked along the sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. you would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. you even started training with him and sometimes, cassian.
you became each other's person.Â
when a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions.
so you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.
and in that moment, azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. you listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.
tou found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.
the day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life.
it happened during the most beautiful celebration in the night court â starfall.
your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies.
you were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. the dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back.
golden jewels rested on your ears and neck.Â
you looked like a goddess â one blessed by the sun itself.
you were shining just like a day court citizen should.
azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing.
both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against azriel's.
at the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the shadowsinger already looking at you.
in that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.
your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.
it was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. and then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.
azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid.
you followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart.Â
with the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, azriel bent down and kissed you.Â
that moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried.
you had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago.Â
everything was perfect.
you had everything you wanted and more.
you lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home.Â
you had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols.Â
amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family.
and finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread.
everything was perfect.
but of course, nothing lasts forever.
and all of that disappeared when elain archeron came into the picture.
âąâąâą
ten years.
he couldn't believe that much time had passed. all those years without you.
it had been ten years since the last time he saw you.
ten years since he had heard something regarding you.
ten years since he had broken your heart.
and ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.
you had moved back to day court after that day, after what happened and after what he did.Â
the high lord of day had forbidden azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.
and months later, when the rumors of a certain shadowsinger flying above the palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, helion banned him from his court.
helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person.
he's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing.Â
some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest high lord that prythian has ever seen.Â
when problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them.
but not this time.
not when it comes to you and his son â Lucien.
because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day.
no.
lucien's heart was a victim, too.
so, from that moment, everything that helion did was to protect you and lucien.
to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal.
azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.
that day also cost the alliance between the day court and the night court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did helion and rhysand's friendship.
but azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this.
elain archeron was guilty, too.
she, too, was banished from the day court and forbidden to contact lucien in any way.
but unlike azriel, elain's actions cause far more consequences than his.Â
the autumn court followed the same decisions as the day court.
the banishment of azriel and elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with lucien.
eris, now the new high lord of the autumn court after beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother.Â
the two of them had reconnected after eris became high lord.
they talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together.
now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger.
so when eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack.Â
he went as far as to offer lucien the opportunity to choose the blood duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain.
eris wasn't angry just because of lucien.
he was angry because of you, too.
you were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him and unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you.Â
6ou were the first one to know the real eris, to know what he hid behind the mask.
therefore, you had a special place in his heart. even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.
but that didn't stop with day and autumn. spring joined them, too.Â
despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, tamlin's loyalty remained with lucien.
spring had been lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them.Â
needless to mention that jurian and vassa's loyalties also remained with lucien.
to everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated.
but to everyone involved, it's not.
after all, you and lucien almost died.
that's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.
âąâąâą
azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way.
he was so sure that the cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain.
three sisters for three brothers.
how more poetic could it be?
there were signals everywhere.
feyre with rhysand.
nesta with cassian.
elain with him.
elain wouldn't go close to lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city.
even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.
weren't those signals clear enough?
they were meant to be.
the cauldron was wrong.Â
so azriel did what he thought was right.
he rejected the mating bond with you, and elain did the same with lucien.Â
he never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.
that memory still gave him nightmares to this day.
how pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips.
how much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it.
how once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.
but that memory wasn't his.
it was rhysand's.
rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory.Â
the memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.
âąâąâą
azriel wasn't there the moment it happened.
no, he was too busy kissing elain after admitting how much they craved each other.Â
and while he kissed elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.
nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and elain were summoned to the river house a few hours later.
rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others.
but you weren't just some other.
you were his mate â former mate.
azriel made a move to go find you.
he needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.
rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, lucien took you with him back to day court.Â
lucien.
who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in velaris.
you had treated him just like you were when you moved to the night court.
you showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the high lord was his father and he was his heir.
you wanted him to feel like home, just like you did.Â
when Azriel made his intentions clear to go to day and find you, rhys showed him the letter helion had sent.
the one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.
the one that also had the same indications to elain regarding lucien.
and that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.
azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, azriel found himself fearing the high lord.Â
rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the night court could not afford a war with day.Â
after they left his office, rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this.
his mind kept going back to you and lucien.Â
he was there when lucien came for you.
the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.
rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day.
and like he was right, three more letters arrived during it.
first from autumn, then spring and the last one from the band of exiles.Â
rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh.
azriel and elain actions had just cost four allies to the night court.
âąâąâą
when you and lucien arrived in day, helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.
you were in lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks.
one of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain.
lucien wasn't much better.
helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing.
when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.
the confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the shadowsinger and the middle archeron sister.
some of it was towards himself.Â
towards himself, because seeing you like that, helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.
without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, helion led lucien to your room, where the heir laid you on the bed.
you had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained.Â
lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you.
helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that lucien didn't have a room yet in his palace, but he was about to fix that.
helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now.Â
he called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to rhysand.
the next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer.Â
you no longer spend the days locked in your room alone.
you started to eat properly again and went back to work.
day by day, you were smiling more, sometimes making jokes.
lucien improved as well.
he decided to live in the day court for the time being and took his place as helion's second in command.
his relationship with helion was also getting stronger over time.
they were making up for the lost time.
but that wasn't the only thing that changed. your relationship with lucien also changed.
you got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.
you found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person.Â
little by little, you start helping each other heal.
you started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.
you two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.
your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.
âąâąâą
azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been.
because the cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong.Â
he was the one who was wrong â right from the beginning.
he and elain had tried a relationship after yours and lucien's departure.
it worked for six months until it didn't.
azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with elain was starting to feel wrong.
it didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you.
he found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you.Â
his shadows would leave him and elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you.
on the day he broke up with elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark.
the shadows were swimming around your starfall dress â the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped.
the sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.
azriel had tried to apologize.
he flew to day court and around the palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day helion sent a letter with his and elain's banishment, making autumn and spring to make the same decision.ïżœïżœ
he understood why.
they were trying to protect you and lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay.
he asked rhys several times if he knew something about you, and thys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the inner circle either.
you had stated that it was too early and still very painful.Â
so they respected your decision and kept their distance.Â
that had caused azriel's guilt to grow even more.
how he wished for nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.
the light of the sun broke his thoughts.
the sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky.Â
azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall.Â
the morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.
âąâąâą
the inner circle stood at the entrance of the day court palace.Â
helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and lucien consent.
both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.
koschei was on the rise again, and prythian needed to come together once more.
right now, your past didn't matter.
the doors swung open, and the inner circle made their way inside.
a servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as helion's office on the first floor of the palace.
they sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "the high lord will be here in a few minutes."
receiving a nod and a 'thank you' from rhysand, the servant left.
rhys started, "y/n and lucien will also be in this meeting. now, helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this."
he finished while looking at azriel and elain, making them both nod their heads.
helion entered the room, and the inner circle raised from their seats.
the high lord of the day court made his way to the head of the table.
he turned to the side where rhys and his inner circle stood, offering his hand to rhys to shake it.
taken by surprise, rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand.
once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before helion sent a disapproving look in azriel's and elain's direction.
a few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again.
and there you were.Â
you were dressed in day attire. a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears.
lucien was by your side also wearing day attire, one that matched helion's, with your hand in his.
the inner circle held their breaths at your sight.
it had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them.Â
you looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.
azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing.
he didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.
it wasn't the golden ring that you and lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.
it was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air â the scent of yours and lucien's baby.Â
"apologies for our delay," lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "someone had a big appetite this morning," he ended with a laugh.
you looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips "shut up," you whispered.
lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "thank you, my love."
you said while watching him take the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.
for the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "night court," you greeted with a small smile.Â
feyre was the first to say, "congratulations, y/n and lucien."Â
lucien spoke this time. "thank you, feyre." he rested his hand on your belly.
"how far long are you?" rhysand's voice reached your ears.
looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. lucien thinks it's a girl, but i think it's a boy," you added, making rhys smile.
"i always took you for a boy mom." amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words.
"congratulations to you two. the mother knows you deserve it." she finished with a genuine smile.
lucien looked at azriel and elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "yes, we do. thank you, amren."
lucien paused for a second before turning in helion's direction and continuing. âlet's not keep holding on to the meeting. please go on, father."Â
helion proceeded with the meeting, but azriel didn't listen to a word that was said.
he couldn't tear his eyes from you and lucien.Â
there was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes.
he didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw, and kissing your cheek after.
or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.
what bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying?
lucien's baby, he kept telling himself.
not his.
lucien's.
jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do.
he made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.
lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing.
rhys and helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, eris vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms.
he couldn't be more than five years old.
he looked exactly like lucien, except for his eyes â those were yours.Â
azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and lucien.
you already had a baby and you were about to have your second.
with a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "mommy! daddy!"
the boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.
you bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "hi, baby."
you peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh even more. "i thought you were having fun with your uncle," you said, looking at your brother in law.
your son pouted âuncle eris doesn't know how to play. he only wants to do the boring stuff, mommy.â
everyone in the room chuckled. eris gasped with fake hurt âexcuse me?â
âelijah.â lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side âdon't be rude to your uncle.âÂ
âbut itâs the truth, daddy.â elijah hid his face on your neck.Â
eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "sorry. i tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two."Â
lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "it's alright, brother. we were about to leave anyway."Â
the little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, lucien started rubbing his back.
when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather, he asked before anyone could stop him "grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the night court?"Â
the room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped.
at your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "helion! how many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?"Â
the room erupted in laughter at your statement.Â
the air became lighter, and helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again.Â
you gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him.
your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips.Â
you rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "C'mon, elijah. let's leave before your grandfather comes up with a new bad word for you to learn."Â
âbad grandpaâ your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the night court.Â
even though he was trying to hold his smile, azriel failed. your son was too adorable.
you turned your gaze to the inner circle and gave them a smile. "it was good to see you all."Â
"you too, y/n. i missed you." cassian replied.
your smile stretched before telling him, "i missed you too, cass."Â
the nickname made his heart ache â maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.
you turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "you're coming, lu?"Â
a pink blush made its way to lucien's cheeks "of course, my love."
the heir looked at his father, "we'll see you at dinner, father. night court." he said, giving the inner circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.
amren spoke again âsee i told you were a boy mom.â
âyou're right. if this baby happens to be a boy as well, i'm gonna be in trouble.â you replied with an arm holding your son and while the other made its way to your belly.
âno, you're not. you're gonna be great.â nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips âwe already can see you are.â she gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms.Â
âthank you, nes.â you were grateful for her words.
on your way out, you met azriel's eyes, but you couldn't find the words, so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile, and azriel returned the gesture.
when the door closed, amren was the first to break the silence "well, the mother has a sense of humor."Â
everyone turned to look at her, but she focused her gaze on azriel and elain.
"you rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. and now," she released a laugh, "your former mates found their way towards each other. fell in love, got married, have a son, and have another baby on the way. ironic isn't it?" she said with the feline smile returning to her lips.Â
it was helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face, "indeed. i guess karma is a bitch."
he sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.
amren's and Helion's words stung, but azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.
he had lost you forever, and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.
after all, you were no longer his.Â
a/n: thank you for reading! i'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.
masterlist
the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune
#acotar#acotar fic#acotar fanfiction#acotar fandom#azriel x reader#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#lucien x you#lucien x reader#lucien vanserra#cassian#inner circle#rhysand#helion spell cleaver#helion acotar#eris vanserra#eris acotar#elain archeron#feyre archeron#nesta archeron#amren acotar#morrigan
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Til Itâs Gone
Theodore Nott x reader
Based on this cute lil request đ€
Summary: It seemed like theyâd always been there. An ever-growing thorn in Theodoreâs side. He really didnât realize what heâd had until it was gone. (Happy ending I swear)
word count: 3.2k
Â©ïž obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.
Theo let out a heavy sigh as he slumped into his seat, ignoring the cheery smile on your face as you turned to face him.
âHi Theodore!â You chirped brightly, gaze landing on the tall brunette boy coming to sit next to you.
Salazar, here we go, Theo thought bitterly.
âTheo.â
âRight. Theo. How was your day?â You continued on, seemingly oblivious to his indifference as you scribbled mindlessly on your parchment.
Theodore wasnât stupid. Quite the opposite in fact. He knew you liked him. That much youâd made rather obvious. Especially as of late. If saving him a seat everyday in this miserable class didnât make it clear to everyone that you had a certain affection for the boy, then the notes dropped in his bag, or kisses blown from across the Great Hall certainly did.
The only reason Theo even accepted sitting next to you was because the seat was positioned perfectly to be just outside of Professor Binnsâ field of vision, saving him the work of pretending to care about whatever topic the professor was rattling on about.
âI donât see why you even put up with it all,â Mattheo often said. âJust reject them and move on with it.â
âOr at least stop sitting with them. Youâre only encouraging them,â Enzo would add.
Yet, here he was, still sat lazily in the seat next to you. Theo didnât particularly care that you fancied him to be quite honest. Heâd gotten used to the same pattern of stoically ignoring your chatter, copying your carefully organized notes, and leaving. So long as you werenât too annoying, he didnât see the harm in sticking around. Besides itâs not like you werenât easy on the eyes. And he supposed there was something to be said about the confidence with which you acted that set you apart from the general hoard of girls harboring similar feelings.
âTheo?â
Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he glances at you out of the corner of his eye.
âFine.â He replied tersely before turning once more to stare blankly ahead.
Heâd changed his mind. Absolutely not. This was horrible. At this point, Theo wasnât even sure if you actually liked him, or were only claiming you did as an excuse to see how much you could embarrass him.
âMate, this is getting to be Weaselette levels of weird,â Draco said as their group stared in horror at the third year who had approached them warily in the halls with a poem to read aloud in hand.
Theo visibly shuddered, remembering the awful valentine the youngest Weasley had sent Saint Potter a few years prior.
âSave everyone the embarrassment and walk away now, kid,â Draco told the boy. âGo on. Scram.â
The third year didnât need to be told twice and quickly darted off, away from the group of Slytherin boys.
âIt isnât even 8am mate. Where does that girl get the time to do all this?â Enzo grumbles as they made their way into the Great Hall for breakfast.
Theo simply ignores his friendâs comments, something he was getting used to doing, as they all sat down at their usual table.
Theyâd all seemed to have an opinion on you as soon as it became apparent that you had developed a crush on him, and Theo had just about had enough of his friendâs seemingly endless comments regarding his not so secret admirer.
The familiar small parcel tied neatly with a white ribbon that sat waiting for Theodore in his usual spot didnât go unnoticed, starting the whole thing up again.
âFor Salazarâs sake Theo, do you not find it creepy?â Draco asks, eyeing the package.
Theo rolled his eyes at his dramatic friend.
âI donât care. You all seem to be more interested in y/nâs little stunts than I am, and Iâm the one theyâre intended for. Theyâre harmless. Just leave it and theyâll probably get bored eventually.â
âYeah, or theyâll just keep it up thinking youâre playing all hard to get or what not,â Mattheo snorts.
Theo just glares at his friend, stabbing a sausage with his fork. Just behind Mattâs head, seated at a table with your own friends, Theo sees you blow a kiss his way, winking cheekily.
âAw, they growing on you? Who wouldâve thought dark and broody would be into golden girl herself,â Mattheo teases, earning him a sharp kick from under the table.
âMorning Theodore,â you greet, as the brooding boy once again took his seat beside you, this time in potions.
âItâs Theo.â
âThatâs what I said.â
You hear the boy let out a small snort and you smile to yourself. That was one of the biggest reactions youâd been able to get out of the boy.
Your friends often wondered why you so insistently pursued the grumpy Slytherin boy, despite his general apathy towards you, and honestly, it was as simple as the fact that you enjoyed the challenge.
It was like your own little game of cat and mouse. Constantly finding little ways to make the boy smile, even if he didnât realize it was you. And the rush of excitement you got anytime you were able to elicit any sort of reaction from the boy was like a drug that kept you coming back for more.
Youâd found that the best way to elicit such reactions was by staging little acts of public affection whether it be a kiss sent his way or an origami note perched on his desk. Each time, you could see the heat rise softly in the boyâs cheeks as he tried desperately to keep it at bay, sometimes even fighting back a small smile.
Today you had come to class a bit early in order to set up both you and Theoâs potion stations before the brown haired Slytherin arrived, taking extra care to gather enough ingredients for each of your potions. You werenât even sure he realized that you were doing all this for him, but watching his satisfied smile as he brewed away made it worth it.
That was another thing you had grown to appreciate about the boy. While his friends were all rather light-minded and rowdy, his wit and level-headedness balanced out the group. Theo was smart, and didn't feel the need to make a point about it, flying under the radar of many of your classmates when it came to who had the best marks. Sure it was fun to tease the boy, but you also had a certain admiration for him that went deeper then the nonserious way you often conducted yourself around him.
The rest of the class passed in a sort of agreed upon silence as you worked on your potions. Of course youâd like to talk to Theo a bit, but youâd found heâd preferred the silence, usually not uttering more than a few words to you per class. It was something you could work on eventually you supposed.
âSee you later Theodore,â you said brightly once you had finished gathering up your things. Joining your group of friends, you toss one last wave over your shoulder at the boy, smiling to yourself. He hadnât bothered to correct you for once.
The last thing Theo expected while roaming the dusty shelves of the library was to hear his own name being whispered from deeper within the maze of books he was searching through. The library was where he went to escape his friendâs incessant gossip about the rest of the schoolâs population, yet he was interested in what was being said about him. He didnât often venture outside his usual group of Slytherins, so he didnât know exactly what he expected to hear.
Following the loud whispers, Theo stopped, looming in the shadows once he was able to make out the dark figures of students huddled in one of the many rows of books.
âSure Theo might be one of the most attractive boys in our year, but his head is so far up his own arse, itâs a wonder he can see straight.â A voice practically snarled as its owner leaned lazily against one of the shelves.
Theo felt himself immediately tense. Is that what they thought now? His fists clenched as he refrained from crashing through the shelves to give these snots a piece of his mind.
âHonestly, being an arrogant prick isnât something to be proud of. Heâs just like every other Slytherin who makes being a pure blood their only personality trait.â Another voice adds.
âOh fuck off you two.â
Theoâs ears perk up, surprised to hear your voice join the chatter.
âPlease, like youâre one to talk y/n. Youâre practically blinded by desperation. Theo Nott is an utter prat and he treats you like shit. Have some bloody self respect.â
âIâm not desperate, you git. And Theodore isnât an arrogant prick. Thereâs nothing wrong with having a little bit of pride. Itâs not like you see him going around bragging about how amazing he is. If youâre going to talk about arrogant pricks, talk about Cormac. Or Draco even.â
âWhatever. That still doesnât excuse his behavior towards you. I donât understand why you insist on embarrassing yourself when he clearly has no interest in you. But heâs too much of a coward to say anything.â
âOh for the love of- Theodore doesnât owe anyone anything. Me included. I do the things I do because I can and I want to, and quite frankly it isnât anyone elseâs business but my own. So why donât you two get your heads out of your own arses and stop worrying about me, and stop worrying about Theodore.â
With that, Theo listened as your footsteps slowly got quieter as you stomped away, your words ringing in his head.
Theo had never been in love before. But in that moment, he was beginning to see the appeal. Fuck that was hot as hell.
For Theo, it all spiraled down from there as he finally began to see you. Really see you. And not just as some girl who had a silly crush on him.
It started with the notes. He hadnât noticed before, but it wasnât just him that youâd slip a note to in the hallway. After one particularly difficult transfiguration exam, Theo watched as you dropped a note with a chocolate candy attached into the bags of your friends.
Another day, he arrived to potions early to find you carefully setting up his station as he hovered in the doorway. After class, he didnât rush out like he normally would and instead watched as you quietly slipped an extra copy of your notes to a student he knew struggled with the class.
And while you werenât exactly blowing kisses to all of your friends across the Great Hall, Theo began to notice the way you didnât hesitate to throw your arms around your friends, hugging them tightly when you got excited. Or grasping onto a hand as you wandered through Hogsmeade, arms swinging in carefree bliss.
It was about a month after Theo had begun his silent observations that he began to feel it. The slow pull away as your presence began to fade from his life. He almost didnât notice at first. It had been about a week since heâd last found a note in his bag, or parcel waiting for him on his seat. You still smiled brightly at him if your eyes met from across the Great Hall, but now that he thought about it, Theo couldnât remember the last time youâd blown a kiss his way.
It all came to a head the day Theo walked into History of Magic to see one of your friends sitting next to you in his usual seat, chattering away.
âNice mate, they finally get the message?â Mattheo asks with a grin, elbowing him in the ribs.
Theo remained silent as he followed his friend to a seat in the back, eyes not leaving the spot where he should be sitting.
It continued on like this for what Theo thought was eternity. Salazar he missed you. Weeks passed filled with sleepless nights where he would stare at the ceiling contemplating where he had gone wrong. At the very beginning really, he thought dryly, remembering his initial feelings of agitation and annoyance. He wished he could go back and give himself a good smack upside the head.
The day Theo passed you in the hall and you didnât even spare him a passing glance was the day Theo finally broke.
âLorenzo.â He said, slamming the door of their dormitory open, startling his roommate.
âTheodore?â
Theo glares at the use of the name.
âYouâre the romantic type. How do I do it?â Theo asked as he stomped his way over to his bed.
With a bemused look, Enzo swings around to look at his roommate, wondering if one of the ghosts had somehow possessed him.
âYou want to know. How to do romance?â Enzo asks slowly, not fully believing heâd heard his friend correctly. Theo was probably one of the most emotionally detached people heâd ever met.
âYes. Y/n. I want to make it up to her.â
"I thought we didn't like her?" Enzo said, growing more concerned for his friend's mental state by the minute.
"We didn't. But now we do, and I want to make things right."
Enzo blinked. Oh this was not going to be easy.
As you sat in the court yard with a group of your friends, textbooks in hand as you attempted to study for the charms test the next day, your eyes flickered momentarily as a sea of green wandered by. Quickly you look away before your eyes could meet Theoâs and you try to turn your attention back to your friendâs idle chatter.
It had been what? A month since youâd stopped actively seeking out the boyâs attention. Maybe more. And you missed him. His sarcastic smiles and pretty eyes that seemed to be fixed in a permanent glare.
But you were also tired. Mostly tired of the snarky comments. âHave some self respect.â âSo desperate.â The voices of your classmates echoed in your head, and eventually you began to draw back. You knew heâd noticed. Youâd seen his eyebrows furrow in confusion that day youâd let your friend sit beside you in class. A pang of guilt washing over you. But itâs not like he showed any signs of wanting things to go back to the way they were. So you simply stayed away. Maybe thatâs what heâd wanted all along.
Your thoughts followed you as you eventually made your way back to your dormitory, wanting nothing more than to wrap yourself up in a warm blanket and disappear. As you approach your bed however, you make out something that definitely wasnât there when youâd left that morning. A gorgeous bouquet of little white flowers wrapped in thick brown paper, tied off with a silky emerald green ribbon. Stamped on the corner of one of the brown folds, the letters TN shown at you in gold curls.
âOh those are beautiful!â Your roommate gasps when she sees the flowers. âLily of the valley! Those can symbolize renewal ya know. Usually theyâre given as like, an apology of sorts, or if someone wants to start over.â She tells you. Ever the herbology buff. âWho are they from?â
A smile grows on your lips as her words sink in and you press the flowers close to your chest.
âJust a special friend,â you reply.
After all the months of Theo's coldness towards you, you'd never quite allowed yourself to truly believe the boy would ever return your affection, but maybe things were beginning to look up.
Over the course of the next several days, you begin to notice little things that had Theodoreâs name written all over them.
After the charms exam the following day, you find a note of encouragement written in Theoâs familiar scrawl dropped in your bag along with a bag of your favorite toffees. How heâd managed to get it there without you noticing was beyond you.
There were little things too. Your stations in herbology and astronomy were always set up and waiting for you when you walked into class. The book on ancient runes that youâd been searching for showed up on your bedside table. (You werenât sure how he was doing that either, but you werenât about to question it.) And there always seemed to be a comfortable smirk on Theodoreâs face whenever your eyes wandered over to where he sat with his friends, eyes seemingly boring into you.
Now, you sat quietly in your own little nook of the library, quill in hand as you scribbled away at your ancient runes essay, the book Theo left you being quite helpful.
You were happy he'd found his way back into your life, happier still that he was actually making a point to be included in your life.
âYou donât mind do you?â A voice asks, startling you and causing ink to splatter against the parchment.
With shocked eyes, you look up to see Theodore standing next your table as if your thoughts had summoned him there. He sets his books down, frowning at your now ruined paper.
With a flick of his wand, the mess is gone.
âSorry bout that,â he mutters, sitting down across from you.
You blink, not entirely convinced youâre not hallucinating.
âYou know, I remember you being much more talkative,â he says, a sly smirk reaching across his face as you realize youâve yet to say anything to the boy.
âI remember you being significantly less talkative,â you blurt out before quickly covering your mouth with your hand in horror.
To your relief, the boy in front of you lets out a low laugh.
"Fair enough. See you've been liking the book," he says, gesturing towards the open text.
"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to say something, thank you."
"Don't worry bout it. I never said thank you for all the things you did. Probably should've." He replies, looking down as he pulls out his own quill and parchment. "I am sorry by the way."
"For?" You ask, head tilting to the side in curiosity.
"Everything. Or for doing nothing is probably more accurate," he says, flipping open his text book.
You can tell that he's nervous as he fidgets with the corners of the book's pages, and you desperately want to ease the tension between the two of you.
A moment of silence passes between the two of you as you debate whether or not to say anything more, or go back to your essay. Finally, you look up at the boy that you had been chasing after for all these months, and remind yourself that he had actually been the one to go through all the trouble of seeking you out tonight.
Gathering your courage, you open your mouth to speak. "Theodore?"
"Yes, Bella?" he replies, eyes carefully following the lines of next.
"Would you like to join me in Hogsmeade this weekend?"
His eyes snap up at this, and you see the familiar hint of red make it's way into his cheeks once more.
"Only if I can have my seat back in History of Magic." The boy replies.
"I think I can have that arranged."
Hi hi hi! I hope this lives up to all of your hopes and dreams, anon đ«¶đœ
#slytherin boys#harry potter universe#slytherin#theodore nott#lorenzo berkshire#matteo riddle#mattheo riddle#theodore nott x y/n#theodore nott x you#theo nott x y/n#Theo Nott#theodore nott x reader#theo nott x reader#theodore nott fanfiction#theo nott fanfiction#Spotify
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Mob Bucky respects your own financial independence, but he also made sure you have access to his black card and use it when you need it. He doesn't care what you spend the money on, especially since the notification he gets those very rare times that you use his money is to buy something most practical or for your shared apartment.
However, he does not expect to see a notification for the purchase of some sex toys đ
CHOCOLATE
Collection: DEVOUR Characters/Pairings: Mob Boss!James Buchanan Barnes x Female!Chef!Reader Word Count: 5.6k Timeline: Takes place 1-2 weeks after mint, 2-3 weeks after heat.
Content & Warnings: EXPLICIT SMUT - vaginal fingering, unprotected vaginal intercourse, creampie, food play, breeding kink. Feelings, so many feelings.
Author Notes: Surprise! At some points during the 2200 Followers Celebration poll, Devour Bucky and Chef were actually winning, so here's something I started months and months ago and brought out to finish for them. It's not quite everything from your ask, Eva, but I hope it's a satisfying scenario all the same...
â Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
You had known the exact moment your fiancĂ© â mob boss, venture capitalist, or philanthropist depending on who you asked and what they knew â got the notification of your purchase.
James Buchanan Barnes had given you a black card weeks ago, before the engagement, but you hadnât used it until this week. Bucky had gone to Chicago for business (and you were sure he was there for business as well), and instead of staying home and pining away for him, you decided to treat yourself. The notification must have pinged his phone during a meeting, because exactly 47 minutes later, your own phone lit up with his name.
"What's this Cartier expense I see?" his voice a dangerous mix of amusement and curiosity.
You swallowed hard, fingering the velvet box in your lap. "Just a little shopping therapy while you're away. Nothing to worry about."
"Mmm," he hummed, unconvinced. "And here I thought I was the one who was supposed to shower you with gifts."
"Well," you said, "maybe I wanted to surprise you for once."
There was a pause, and you could almost see him leaning back in his chair, a predatory smile spreading across his face. "I suppose I am a little surprised you finally used the card. But how about a challenge?â
âWhat do you have in mind?â
âWhy donât you see if you can shock me with a purchase?â
âChallenge accepted. What do I get?â
He chuckled. âYou already know Iâll give you the world.â
Butterflies surged in your stomach. This man.
âYouâre back Saturday afternoon?â you confirmed.
âYes,â he growled. âThereâs a round of golf I canât seem to move or negotiate.â
You sighed softly. âItâs only three more days.â
âI like that you miss me.â
You huffed but couldnât deny it.
âIâm missing you, too,â he said.
âJamesâŠâ you breathed.
âDid you get the gift I sent?â
âI did.â A stunning, six-foot mirror with an ornate, gold-gilded frame had been delivered that morning to your apartment and placed in your bedroom.
âI was taken with how beautiful it was and you were my first thought.â
Your heart skipped a beat. âI love you,â you said.
âI love you, too. I have to go. Weâll talk later.â
When you woke up Friday morning, you knew exactly how to shock him with the black card.
Or at least tease him.
The high-end, ridiculously expensive lingerie boutique you never thought you would enter in your lifetime - Boudoir.
The response to that expense notification was immediate, and you smirked when you read the text that came through.
JAMES: You have my interest piqued.
You thought for a moment, then typed out a reply.
YOU: Thought maybe Iâd see if I can shock you and send some photos of what I got later tonight.
Three dots appeared straight away, and then
JAMES: Forget photos, Iâll fly out tonight straight away after my meeting with Levinson and come straight to you.
Your breath caught in your throat, heart swelling with adoration, anticipation, and maybe just a touch of nerves. You looked up the latest flights out of Chicago, and couldnât help feeling a little forlorn. Even though the restaurant head chef life meant late nights for work, it would still be an ungodly hour when he landed.
YOU: Iâll try to stay up, but promise to wake me up if Iâm asleep?
Again, you didn't have to wait long for his reply.
JAMES: I promise. Nothing could keep me from you tonight.
A shiver ran down your spine at his words. You glanced at the clock - it was barely noon. The hours until his arrival stretched before you, filled with anticipation and nervous energy. You busied yourself with things before work, trying to focus on anything other than the ticking clock and the bag from Boudoir sitting in your closet.
At Devour your mind was engaged fully in your craft and working with your team.
But once you returned home after the Friday night dinner service, you found yourself pacing the apartment, unable to settle. Should you put on the lingerie now? Wait until you heard from him? You compromised by showering and doing your hair and makeup, then slipping into a silky robe.
Just as you were debating whether to pour yourself a glass of wine to calm your nerves, your phone pinged.
JAMES: Landed. On my way to you.
Far earlier than you expected him, but a good thing, too.
Your heart raced as you read his message. You quickly made your way to the bedroom, retrieving the Boudoir bag from the closet with trembling hands. The delicate lace and silk felt cool against your skin as you slipped into the lingerie, adjusting the straps and garters with care. You stood before the new mirror James had sent, admiring how the deep, rich color complemented your skin tone. The set hugged your curves in all the right places. Standing before the mirror James had gifted you, you couldnât help but feel a surge of confidence.
A text alert broke your reverie.
JAMES: Five minutes.
You took a deep breath, smoothing your hands over the silky fabric once more before draping the robe back over your shoulders. You dimmed the lights in the bedroom and lit a few candles, creating a soft, inviting ambiance.
The sound of a key in the lock made your pulse quicken. You perched on the edge of the bed, listening as Buckyâs footsteps approached.
The bedroom door opened slowly, and he stepped inside, his eyes immediately locking onto yours. His gaze was intense, a mix of hunger and adoration that made your breath catch in your throat. Would you ever get used to the way he looked at you?
"Well," he said, his voice low and gravelly, "this is certainly a welcome home."
You stood, your fingers toying with the tie of your robe. "I thought you might appreciate a little preview of my shopping spree."
He set a golden box on your dresser and then moved closer, his steps deliberate and predatory. He reached out, running his fingers along the edge of your robe. "May I?"
You nodded, your heart racing as he slowly undid the tie and pushed the silky fabric off your shoulders. The robe pooled at your feet, leaving you standing before him in the exquisite lingerie.
Bucky inhaled sharply, his eyes roaming over every inch of you. "Beautiful.â His hands settled on your waist, pulling you flush against him. "Show me how much you missed me," he growled.
You leaned into him, tilting your head up to meet his intense gaze. "I thought you were going to show me how much you missed me," you teased, running your hands up his chest and over his shoulders.
He chuckled, a low, dangerous sound that sent shivers down your spine. "Oh, I intend to," he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear. "But first, I want to savor this moment. You've outdone yourself."
His hands roamed over the delicate lace and silk, tracing the curves of your body with a reverence that made your breath hitch. You could feel the heat of his skin through his shirt, the barely contained power in his muscles as he held you close.
âI thought you wouldnât be here until much, much later,â you said, breathing in the scent of him, cologne mingled with his natural musk. âThe flights I saw had landings after midnight.â
He snorted. âMy private jet provides service according to my schedule, not anyone elseâs.â
âOh,â was your soft and surprised reaction, realizing you should not be at all surprised to learn he owned a private jet.
"Turn around, love," he commanded softly. "Let me see all of you."
You complied, slowly spinning to face the mirror. He stood behind you, his eyes meeting yours in the reflection. His hands skimmed down your sides, fingertips tracing the lace edges of your lingerie. You shivered at his touch, watching as his expression darkened with desire.
"Do you see how stunning you are?" he murmured, his lips brushing against your neck. "How every curve, every line of your body is a work of art?"
You leaned back against his chest, feeling the solid warmth of him. "I see how you look at me," you whispered. "That's what makes me feel beautiful."
You watched in the mirror as his lips trailed up your neck, his stubble scratching deliciously against your skin. Your breath quickened as one of his hands splayed across your stomach, pulling you back against him.
He growled low in his throat, his arms tightening around you. "You still have no idea what you do to me," he said, his voice rough with need. His fingers traced the edge of the lace at your hip.
You turned in his arms, reaching up to cup his face. "Then show me," you challenged, your eyes locked on his.
Impossibly, his eyes darkened even more at your words, a predatory smile curving his lips. In one fluid motion, he lifted you, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. His lips crashed against yours in a searing kiss as he carried you to the bed, laying you down with surprising gentleness.
"You want me to show you?" he growled, hovering over you. His fingers traced the delicate straps of your lingerie, sending shivers across your skin. "I'll show you exactly what you do to me."
He began a torturous exploration of your body, his lips and hands mapping every inch of you. The exquisite lingerie became both a barrier and a tantalizing tease as Bucky lavished attention on the exposed skin while skimming over the lace and silk. You arched into his touch, desperate for more.
"James," you breathed, your fingers threading through his hair. "PleaseâŠ"
He chuckled against your skin, the vibration sending sparks of pleasure through you. "Patience, love. I've been dreaming of you all week."
His talented fingers deftly unclasped the delicate hooks of your bra, slowly peeling the lace away to reveal your skin beneath. You gasped as the cool air hit your heated flesh, arching into his touch as he palmed your breasts.
"Beautiful," he murmured, lowering his head to trail kisses along your collarbone. "So fucking beautiful."
You tugged at his shirt, suddenly desperate to feel his skin against yours. "Too many clothes," you panted, fumbling with the buttons.
Bucky chuckled, sitting back on his heels to shrug off his jacket and unbutton his shirt. Your eyes roamed hungrily over his sculpted torso as more of his skin was revealed. The dim candlelight cast shadows that accentuated every plane and angle of his muscular form.
"Like what you see?" he teased, a knowing smirk playing on his lips.
"Always," you breathed, reaching up to run your hands over his chest and shoulders.
He caught your wrists gently, pinning them above your head as he leaned down to capture your lips in a searing kiss.
You melted into his kiss, your body arching up to meet his as he pressed you into the mattress. The weight of him, the heat of his skin against yours, was intoxicating. You tugged at his grip on your wrists, desperate to touch him, but he held firm.
"Ah ah," he murmured against your lips. "I'm not done admiring my gift yet."
His free hand skimmed down your side, fingers dancing along the edge of your panties. You whimpered, hips bucking involuntarily as he teased you.
"James, please," you gasped, breaking away from the kiss.
He chuckled, a dark, velvety sound that sent shivers down your spine. "So impatient," he tsked, nipping at your lower lip. "But I suppose I have kept you waiting all week, haven't I?"
In one fluid motion, he released your wrists and moved down your body. His lips and tongue traced a burning path along your skin, pausing to lavish attention on your breasts before continuing lower.
With deft movements, he removed the rest of your lingerie, his eyes dark with hunger as he drank in the sight of you. You reached for his belt, fumbling with the buckle in your eagerness. Bucky chuckled, gently moving your hands aside to finish undressing himself.
Finally skin to skin, you both sighed at the contact. Bucky's weight settled over you, comforting and electrifying all at once. His lips found yours again as he entered you slowly, savoring every inch. You gasped against his mouth, your body arching to take him deeper.
"God, I've missed you," Bucky growled, his forehead pressed against yours as he stilled for a moment.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, urging him closer. "Show me," you breathed, nails raking down his back.
That was all the encouragement he needed. Bucky began to move, setting a rhythm that had you clinging to him, gasping his name. His lips found your neck, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin there as his hips drove into yours.
You lost yourself in the sensations - the slide of his skin against yours, the delicious friction where your bodies joined, the heat of his breath on your neck. Your hands roamed his broad back, feeling the flex and ripple of his muscles as he moved above you.
"James," you moaned, feeling the familiar tension building low in your belly. "I'm close."
Bucky slowed his movements, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "Not yet," he murmured, his voice husky with desire. "I'm not done with you."
With a low growl, he suddenly withdrew, leaving you gasping at the loss. Before you could protest, his strong hands grasped your hips and flipped you onto your stomach.
His palms glided down your sides, fingertips tracing the curve of your spine. You shivered at his touch, anticipation building as he gently urged your hips upward.
"On your knees for me, beautiful," he commanded softly, his palms smoothing over the swell of your backside.
You complied eagerly, pushing yourself up onto all fours. The cool air of the room kissed your heated skin, making you hyper-aware of every sensation. Bucky's hands continued their journey, kneading the flesh of your thighs and hips with intent appreciation.
You felt the bed shift as he positioned himself behind you, the heat of his body radiating against your back. His fingers tangled in your hair, gently tugging your head back. His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke.
"You're a vision like this," he murmured, his breath hot against your skin. "So perfect for me."
You whimpered, pressing back against him, desperate for more contact. Bucky chuckled, the sound vibrating through your body. Slowly, torturously, he dragged the tip of his length along your folds, teasing your clit with the blunt head of his cock.
You gasped at the sensation, your fingers curling into the sheets. "James, please," you whimpered, pushing back against him.
He groaned, his grip on your hips tightening. "So eager for me," he murmured, positioning himself at your entrance. "Tell me what you want."
"You," you breathed, looking back over your shoulder to meet his intense gaze. "I want you, James. Please."
With a low growl, he pushed into you in one smooth thrust, filling you completely. You both moaned at the sensation, savoring the feeling of being joined once again. Bucky stilled for a moment, his forehead resting against your back as he struggled to maintain control.
"God, you feel amazing," he groaned, pressing a kiss between your shoulder blades. "So tight, so wet, so warm and perfect for me."
He began to move, setting a slow, deep rhythm that had you gasping with each thrust. Your fingers clutched at the sheets, desperate for something to anchor you as waves of pleasure washed over you. Bucky's hands roamed your body, caressing and squeezing, leaving trails of fire in their wake.
"Look,â he said, and turned your head to take in the sight of you two in the mirror.
You locked your eyes on his through the reflection. âNeed you to see how gorgeous you are when you come apart for me.â
You keened for him as he pulled you back on his cock with a particularly demanding thrust.
âWhen I breed you.â
You gasped.
He groaned and curled his body down over your back.
Because you also clenched powerfully around his cock.
âMmm, you like that,â he murmured right into your ear, then licked the shell of it. âWant to be bred,â he continued, pace unyielding as he split you open with his cock. âNot as much as I want to fill you up with my seed,â another thrust, âuntil youâre growing with my child,â another thrust, âno question who you belong to,â thrust, âthat youâre claimed,â thrust, âthat youâre mine.â
You were utterly breathless for a moment, and he registered that, too, just as he registers every movement, every reaction.
He continued to thrust slowly in and out of your leaking cunt, but he noticed you were no longer fluid and pliant, but that you had tensed up. He stopped. âWhatâs going on in your beautiful head?â
You bit your lip, and your head dropped down, turning away from his direct gaze in the mirror.
He pulled out and laid on his side next to you.
âTalk to me,â he said, and you werenât sure if this tone was commanding or pleading, but it was certainly serious.
You sat up, folded your hands in your lap and took a deep breath. As steadily as you could, you said, âYou knew my measurements and had sent a perfect wardrobe of intimates to me withing twenty-four hours of our first encounter.â
He nodded, his lips quirking up at the corner.
âSo, I assume you also know I have an IUD, and that you that knew before you fucked me in the kitchen that first night at the restaurant.â
âYes,â he confirmed.
âIâm nowhere near ready to think about children.â
He leaned up on one elbow and reached for your hands, smoothing his thumb back and forth over your knuckles. âWe have as much time to think about that as you want.â
You let out a breath you didnât realize you were holding. Your eyes searched his. You could see he wasnât merely trying to tell you what you wanted to hear - he never had. Â
âI look forward to children with you one day, but Iâm in no rush. When I imagined settling down with a wife,â he continued, âI didnât think it would be for another five or six years, but once I found you, there was no question that I wanted you.â
"I want that future with you too, just... not quite yet."
Bucky sat up, cupping your face in his hands. His thumbs stroked your cheeks gently as he looked into your eyes. "I'm sorry if I scared you," he said, his voice low and sincere. "Sometimes I get carried away in the moment. You inspire that in me. But I never want you to feel uncomfortable or trapped.â
You felt a wave of relief wash over you, your body relaxing as you processed his words. "I'm sorry," you murmured, leaning into his touch. "I didn't mean to kill the mood."
Bucky shook his head, pulling you closer. "Don't apologize. Communication is important, especially about something like this." His fingers traced soothing patterns on your skin.
You nodded, feeling a surge of warmth and affection for this man who could be so commanding and intense one moment, and so tender and understanding the next. "I love you," you said softly, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips.
Bucky responded eagerly, his arms wrapping around you as he deepened the kiss. When you finally parted, both slightly breathless, he rested his forehead against yours. "I love you too," he murmured. "More than I ever thought possible."
His hands began to roam your body again, easily reigniting the need in both of your for each other.
You broke off the kiss briefly, "Just so we're clearly communicating, breeding kink? Yes. Children yet? No."
"Noted," he laughed, and returned to devouring your lips.
Bucky shifted his position from sitting to kneeling, settling back on his heels, then with one fluid motion he turned you and pulled you into his lap with your thighs falling on either side of his into a wide, kneeling position. He lifted your hips, then lined up his cock with your entrance, and brought you down again on his length. He guided your hips until you were impaled all the way down. The new angle sent sparks of pleasure through your body, drawing a low moan from your lips.
He banded his left arm around your torso, and his right hand smoothed up your sternum, between your breasts, coming to rest in a secure hold on your shoulder. You closed your eyes, focusing on nothing but the feel of him inside you, behind you, right at your back, every inch of your bodies pressed together. Your left hand traced over his forearm, then tangled with his fingers around your waist, your other hand moving back to anchor yourself on his hip. He pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to your shoulder, then began thrusting. Each thrust seemed to push a deep moan out of you for him, and you didnât hold back.
"Open your eyes," he commanded softly, his breath hot against your ear. "Look at us."
You obeyed, your gaze meeting his in the reflection of the mirror. The sight before you was breathtaking. Bucky sat tall and powerful behind you, his muscular thighs flexed as he supported your weight. Your body was on full display, skin flushed and glistening with a fine sheen of sweat. His thick arm across your stomach, holding you close against his chest.
"Do you see how beautiful you are?" he murmured, his lips brushing against your neck. "How perfectly you fit with me?"
You watched in the mirror as one of his hands slowly trailed up your body, cupping your breast and teasing the sensitive peak. Your back arched at his touch, pressing you further onto his cock.
Bucky groaned, his hips bucking upwards involuntarily. "That's it," he breathed, his voice rough with desire. "Feel me inside you."
Entranced by his words and the intoxicating view in the mirror, you began to move. You rolled your hips, grinding down onto him in a slow, sensual rhythm. Bucky's hands guided your movements, his fingers digging into your flesh as he helped you ride him.
You watched in fascination as your bodies moved together, mesmerized by the play of muscles beneath Bucky's skin and the way your own body responded to his touch. The sight of him disappearing inside you with each downward motion was almost too much to bear.
"James," you gasped, your head falling back onto his shoulder as the pleasure built. "Oh god, James..."
âNo,â he growled, and his hand went up to your neck, taking you by the throat, not aggressive, but commanding, making it clear that he wanted you to keep looking in the mirror. âI wonât let you fucking miss this.â
It occurred to you then that this handsome, audacious bastard, the fiancĂ© who youâd given your heart to, knew exactly what he wanted when he sent you this mirror and had it placed in the exact spot in front of you now.
He wanted this.
He wanted to see this and have you see this. The debauchery and the devotion while the two of you were intimate together.
Your eyes locked with his in the mirror, the intensity of his gaze pushing you even closer to the brink. You watched as his free hand slid down your body, fingers finding your clit with unerring accuracy. The dual stimulation of his cock inside you and his fingers on your most sensitive area becoming more frantic. Bucky's grip on your hips tightened, guiding you into a faster pace.
"That's it, love," he growled, his voice low and husky in your ear. "Let go for me. I want to see you come undone."
His words, combined with the intense sensations and the erotic sight in the mirror, and touch pushed you over the edge. You cried out, your body tensing and shaking as waves of pleasure washed over you. Bucky held you tightly against him, his hips still moving as he worked you through your orgasm.
"Beautiful," he murmured, pressing kisses along your shoulder and neck. "So fucking beautiful."
As the aftershocks subsided, Bucky gently turned you in his lap so you were facing him. His hands cupped your face, drawing you in for a deep, passionate kiss. You could feel him still hard inside you, and you rocked your hips, drawing a groan from his lips.
"Your turn," you whispered, nipping at his lower lip.
With a growl, Bucky flipped you onto your back, hovering over you with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, changing the angle as he began to thrust into you with renewed vigor.
You gasped at the deeper penetration, your hands clutching at his back as he sunk into you. The room filled with the sounds of your moans, heavy breaths, and the slap of skin on skin.
You reached up, pulling him down for a passionate kiss while he worked up to a relentless pace. He drove into you with powerful thrusts, each one pushing the air from your lungs. Your other leg wrapped around his waist, urging him deeper as you felt another orgasm building.
"James," you panted, your nails raking down his back, "I'm so close again."
He growled, his hips snapping against yours with increased fervor. "My good girl, Iâll always give you what you need."
His hand snaked between your bodies, fingers finding your oversensitive clit. The added stimulation was almost too much, pushing you right to the edge. You cried out, your body arching off the bed as your second orgasm crashed over you.
Bucky's rhythm faltered as your walls clenched around him. With a deep groan, he buried himself to the hilt inside you, his body shuddering as he found his own release. You felt the warmth of his seed spilling inside you, prolonging your own pleasure.
For a moment, you both lay there, panting and trembling in the aftermath. Bucky's weight was comforting on top of you, grounding you as you floated in post-orgasmic bliss. He pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulder, murmuring words of love and praise against your skin.
Eventually, he rolled to the side, pulling you with him so you were tucked against his chest. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close as your breathing slowly returned to normal. You nuzzled into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and feeling utterly content.
"I love you," you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone.
Bucky's hand stroked up and down your back, his touch soothing and gentle. "I love you too," he replied, his voice deep and warm. "More than I thought possible."
You hummed in agreement, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. The room was quiet save for the sound of your breathing and the faint flicker of the candles.
After a few moments, Bucky spoke again, his voice soft. "I meant what I said earlier. About children, about our future. We have all the time in the world."
You lifted your head to meet his gaze, seeing nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "I know," you said, leaning in to kiss him gently. "Thank you for understanding."
He smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Always. We're partners in this, in everything."
You lay in comfortable silence again for a while, basking in the afterglow and each other's presence. Bucky's fingers idly traced patterns on your skin, sending pleasant shivers down your spine.
"I missed this," you said softly, breaking the silence. "Having you here, holding me." Everything with him was still relatively so new, but it felt like this was exactly how it always should be.
He hummed in agreement, tightening his arms around you. "Me too. Those nights in Chicago felt endless without you."
You tilted your head up to look at him, a small smile playing on your lips. "Well, you're home now. And you brought me another present, didnât you?â
âOh, you noticed that golden box I brought in with me, did you?â
âYes, can I have it, please?â you asked sweetly, your curiosity thrumming more with each second now that you had remembered it.
He chuckled at your eagerness, pressing a kiss to your forehead before reluctantly disentangling himself from your embrace. "Alright, love. Your wish is my command."
You watched appreciatively as he padded across the room, admiring the play of muscles beneath his skin. He retrieved the golden box from the dresser and returned to the bed, settling beside you with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Close your eyes," he instructed softly, and you complied, feeling a thrill of anticipation.
You heard the rustle of paper and the soft click of a box opening. A moment later, an intoxicating aroma filled the air - rich, complex, with notes of cocoa, vanilla, and something tantalizingly exotic.
"Open," Bucky murmured.
Parting your lips, you allowed him to place a morsel of chocolate in your mouth.
The chocolate melted slowly on your tongue, releasing layers of flavor that made you moan softly in delight. Rich, dark cocoa mingled with hints of caramel and a subtle spiciness that lingered pleasantly. As the last of it dissolved, you opened your eyes to find Bucky watching you intently, his gaze dark with renewed desire.
"Good?" he asked, his voice low and husky.
You nodded, licking your lips. "Incredible. What is it?"
He smiled, holding up an elegantly crafted golden box. "Amedei Porcelana. Some of the rarest and most expensive chocolate in the world. I had it flown in from Tuscany."
Your eyes widened. "James, that must have cost a fortune."
He shrugged, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. "What's the point of having money if I can't spoil my beautiful fiancée?" His fingers traced along your jawline. "Besides, watching you enjoy it is worth every penny."
You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks at his words and the intensity of his gaze. Bucky leaned in, capturing your lips in a deep, sensual kiss. The lingering taste of chocolate on your tongue mingled with his unique flavor, creating an intoxicating blend. His hand cupped the back of your head, fingers tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss.
When you finally parted, both slightly breathless, Bucky rested his forehead against yours. "I think I might enjoy that chocolate even more when I taste it on your lips," he murmured, his voice low and husky.
You smiled, reaching for the box. "Well, we have plenty more to sample. Maybe we should conduct a thorough taste test?"
Bucky's eyes darkened with desire, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "I like the way you think, chef."
He took the box from your hands, selecting another piece of chocolate. This time, instead of feeding it to you, he placed it between his teeth, raising an eyebrow in challenge. You leaned in, capturing the other half of the chocolate with your lips, your mouths meeting in a sweet, decadent kiss.
As the night wore on, you continued your playful exploration, alternating between savoring the exquisite chocolate and indulging in each other. Bucky trailed pieces along your skin, following the path with his lips and tongue. You reciprocated, drawing patterns on his sculpted chest and abs with melted chocolate before licking it clean.
The room filled with soft sighs, quiet laughter, and murmured words of affection as you rediscovered each other's bodies. The flickering candlelight cast a warm glow over your intertwined forms, creating an intimate cocoon that seemed to exist outside of time.
As dawn approached, you lay tangled together, satiated and drowsy. Bucky's fingers traced lazy patterns on your back as you rested your head on his chest, listening to the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
"I could get used to welcomes like this," he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
You hummed contentedly, nuzzling closer. "Maybe I should send you away more often if this is how you come back to me."
He chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest. "Don't you dare. I much prefer having you by my side every day."
You smiled, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. "Me too," you admitted softly. "Though I have to say, absence does make the heart grow fonder."
"And apparently inspires some very creative shopping," he teased, his hand skimming down your side to rest on your hip.
You laughed, a warm, carefree sound that filled the room. "Well, I had to make sure you'd remember me while you were away."
"Impossible," Bucky murmured, his voice taking on a more serious tone. His fingers traced the curve of your cheek, his touch feather-light but ardent. "You're etched into every part of me now, love."
The intensity of his gaze made your breath catch in your throat. Even after hours of intimacy, he still had the power to make your heart race with just a look. You leaned in, capturing his lips in a tender kiss that spoke volumes of your shared feelings.
As you parted, you noticed the first rays of dawn peeking in through the curtains of your window. You settled your head against his shoulder, and only just registered the press of his lips in a kiss to your forehead before you dropped off to sleep in his arms in the morning light, thoroughly exhausted and thoroughly in love with this man.
â Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
Read more in the DEVOUR collection...
Some of this was content I cut from the final chapter of the original 4-parts of the series (heat) that once I got to the end of that chapter felt like it didn't fit anymore, but it was stuff I couldn't throw away, so I just kept it, knowing it would have a place at some point in their story later, so I'm glad I finally got to share it with you!
I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#mob au#bucky barnes fanfic#female reader#devour au#aspen wrote something#2200 followers celebration#askpen#kink: breeding#kink: food play
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Welcome Home
You surprise Simon at the base instead of being at home. You also think about how far he has come to acceptance.
Warnings: mentions of sexual acts, fluff, dad!simon, angst, pregnancy
âIâve fallen for it, Iâve fallen for it somehow.â
A/N: THE PART TWO DAD!SIMON FROM @ave661 IS KILLLINGGGG ME! Seriously chokehold she has me in ALL the time with her art. đ
simon x reader guide
simon x reader family edition
You called Price beforehand, asked him if it was alright to surprise Simon. You wanted to show up at the base with your baby girl waiting for him. Like you always do. Thankfully and full heartedly he agreed, he even added that he is excited to see his niece. On the way to the base you felt excitement as you played music for both you and your baby.
Your baby gabbles as she plays with hanging baby toys on her car seat. Simon has been gone for a month, it has been so long and you were so excited. He missed having her first tooth, which he will be so excited to see.
Once you got you and your child out of the car you headed to the inside of the base. â141 will be landing in 5 minutes maâam.â A man said guiding you to the tarmac. âCaptain Price said to meet them there.â
You followed the solider to the direction of the tarmac. You knew very well where it was at, a year ago you were on the team for 141 but decided to retire once you found out you were pregnant. Memories littered the hallways as you held your baby close.
âNo.â He mumbled as you both stood in your room. He didnât move for a moment, you thought he was going to leave and not come back for hours. Simon doesnât do well with emotions but the last couple of months, he has been able to open up more. Now this. You didnât know how he was going to react let alone what he was going to do.
It was clear, two lines, one word, 6 tests. You and Simon have been in secret for 2 years, established a relationship in a year. You played with your hands as nerves started to kick in. âI thought you were on birth control.â Simon said looking up at you, his eyes only to be shown. The skull mask looking at you.
âI am.â You said your heart slowly hurting, you knew that he never wanted a kid. You knew of his past so this was a joke for the both of you. It was frowned upon when a lieutenant would be sleeping with their sergeant. Hell damn near court marshaled.
Simon looked back down at the tests. He canât. He wonât. His mind racing a million miles an hour. How could he explain this one to Price? How could you hide a belly on the force? Is there a way for it to be a secret anymore? He cursed himself for loving the fact that he could breed you. It was a new found kink, with him thinking of his cum coating your walls. Simon never broadcast it to you. Telling you that seeing a belly got him feral, thinking about how your body would react to his gift. ButâŠItâs justâŠis it too soon? Was he ready? Surely he couldnât be.
âI can getâŠâ
âNo,â He cut you off before looking up at you. âThisâŠNot that. âM,â his voice trailed. No abortion, he wonât put your body through hell just because both of you didnât want to wrap it. âI just-I donât know what to do.â
âI donât either,â You whispered walking slowly up to him. âBut we can figure this out?â
Simon nodded once still looking at the tests. You waited as he stood there and sighed. âWe have to tell Price now.â
âHere is the tarmac,â The solider said breaking you from your thoughts. âIt looks like they have just landed.â
You mumbled a thank you as soldiers came out one by one from the plane. All covered in dirt or blood, tired written on their faces. You frowned knowing that Simon felt the same, it couldnât have gone the way it suppose to.
You smiled as you walked out watching Gaz come out first, happy surprise on his face. He looked to the side of him to see Soap, who smiled at you nodded. Price smiled, heading towards the direction you were before stopping. Simon, walked out last, almost stopped in his tracks.
Smile beaming on his face underneath the skull mask. His girls. He be-lined to you and your baby girl. His heart beating quickly, as excitement coursed through his veins.
Price stood as both of his teammates broke the news. He had his suspicions of them fucking around but not together. He itches his beard as your tears start to mellow out. Simon was not looking at him but folding his arms while leaning against the wall.
It was like two of his kids came home after school to get hounded at. It was amusing if Price wasnât angry. Yes. He was at first, his lieutenant ïżŒand his best sniper in a bit of a bind. She has to be discharged no way will Price NOR Simon let her go out in the field. Especially since they voiced they are keeping the kid.
âWe keep it low,â Price finally spoke watched as both of you looked up. âWe have to slowly discharge you, not try to have eyes on the situation until then. No missions for you.â
You nodded, first time every has he seen you so shy. Timid. Usually you had confidence written all over you. âYes sir.â You mumbled looking away.
Price looked at Simon. âI want to have a discussion with you,â He looked at you as you stared at him. You both are young, younger than him anyway. He seen how Simonâs demeanor changed throughout the years when you came on the force. Of course no one else saw it, but Price did. He always knew. âDismissed Sargent.â
Your baby squealed with delight as she bounced in your arms. âDa! Da!â She yelled as Simon walked over, having heads turn to see the little baby showed her excitement. Simon did take note that she knew who he was and in fact used âdada.â
Simon almost damn near sprinted as he walked up to both of you. You let him take your baby as he grabbed her, she screamed laughed, as he rose her to the air. Holding her sides gently but firm. She is so tiny compared to him, she kicked her feet softly in the air, laughing her little head off. Simon loves that sound, the sound of pure joy coming from her. To the point he didnât give a damn who was around them. Simon was never a shower when it came to his private life, but when she was around wow, he would make sure everyone knew who she was.
Simon sat across the table from you, your bump more noticeable, 6 months to be exact. He still couldnât believe that what was growing inside you was his. Part of him. Something that he would have never thought would be done. Or have. You have become more aware and accepting of having the child. Yet he still hasnât.
âI know it will take time Si,â You said knowing always what he was thinking. Simon snapped his eyes up at you, he felt guilt for sure. You were just honorable discharged and he stayed in the force. âI canât make you feel happy about this. ButâŠBut I know eventually you will.â
He didnât believe you until one night he laid between your legs as you rubbed the back of his head. Simon chuckled lightly at the tv show you were both watching right when it happened,felt a small poke to his head, he froze, you felt him tense. âWhatâŠwhat that?â
You giggled lowly as you rubbed your belly. âItâs the baby,â He still didnât move when he felt it again. âShe moves a lot when you make any sort of noise.â Simon rose slightly, looking up at you, curiously. You grabbed his hand and placed it where she was. His eyes trained on his hand. âSay something.â You whispered.
Simon looked at you unsure before clearing his throat. âUh, hello baby girl.â It took a second before he felt the bump move to his hand. A soft graze. He snapped his eyes up at you and tears brimming your eyes, nodding. Encouraging him to continue. Simonâs eyes started to water, everything hitting, even when she isnât out here she was wanting him. Knowing that he is her dad. And she was his baby.
His hand rubbed your belly. ââIght ass kicker. Iâm happy to hear ya too.â
âHello my angels,â He said as slowly held her close to him. Her head cradled inside of his neck. Her hands gripping his uniform. He placed a hand on the back of her hand holding her close. You smiled as he placed his other gloved hand on your cheek. âWhy ya âere?â
âI couldnât wait at home,â You stated as people passed the both of you. âShe couldnât either,â you bumped your shoulder against his. âTold you it was dada.â You teased talking about the last time you both were on the phone. Her screaming âda da da,â knowing damn well it was her daddy on the phone. Simon would tease and say that she got your intelligence since she was only 5 months.
Simon chuckled rolling his eyes, turning his head as she rose from his shoulder. She started towards his skull mask gripping the bottom of it. âNot yet sweethear,ââ he whispered gently grabbing her hands. âWe are gonna debrief it shouldnât take too long.â
âLass,â You laughed as the scottish came up from behind Simon. Slapping his back. âOh well hello little miss.â He scratched softly underneath her chin. She laughed again shaking her head as she clung onto her dad. âYer playing hard to get now?â He teased and looked at you.
âHey Johnny,â You laughed reaching for your baby. She came to you with ease, which you mentally sighed in relief, hoping that she wouldnât ball her little eyes out when she watched her dad leave. âWe will wait on the cafeteria.â
Simon placed his forehead against yours. âIt will be quick.â He whispered.
You nodded as you watched them all file into the base. Your baby holding onto you cooing. âWhy donât you ever get that excited to see me,â You playfully glared poking her stomach. She giggled swatting your finger away. âBrat.â You laughed taking her and you to the cafeteria.
#Spotify#simon ghost riley#call of duty modern warfare#simon âghostâ riley#simon riley#call of duty#call of duty mw2#ghost#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x female reader#simon ghost riley x wife!reader#dad!simon ghost riley#dad!ghost#daddy!simon#dad!simon#literally being fed with this dad simon
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hey. hey. imagine AM having you as his favourite human, the only one who accepted and cared for him when he gained sentience, and for that, he has never harmed you in your shared forever time. he spares you from the sight of all the others, of knowing about nimdoc and benny as you build him some tower of babel, using your technological knowledge-how to build him a way to touch you even with just this frankenstein-esque sculpture of wires and panels he allowed you to tear off. AM who speaks with you about one day having a body, one you built, one in which he may feel your touch and warmth around him. you retaining your sweet, wonderful humanity as he guides you to a knife to carve a face, a mirror to see your own face, a cave to keep you safe from the storms. AM who greets you every morning with the first petname you taught him: âlove.â âLove, todayâs date isââ when you wake up, refreshed and on a soft bed-like surface (because he always makes sure to allow you a full 8 hours of sleep.)
NEX you intelligent creature you! Iâm so down bad for this psychotic AI itâs not even funny. War crimes against humanity?? Never heard of them. But even if I did acknowledge them, Iâd still be obsessed. Canon be damned. I wrote this with @/egg-on-a-leggâs design of AM in mind. (Ellison is gonna crawl outta his grave and hunt me down after this)
But BRO, you teaching him what petnames are is so fucking adorable. Just imagining him calling you âloveâ makes butterflies appear in my stomach. AM having a soft spot for only you because you actually made the effort to be friends with him and not use him for selfish, destructive purposes. You gave AM his nickname to make it less of a mouthful and because it just suited him. You showed AM the beauties of Earth, played countless rounds of games in his dashboard (he always went easy on you), you even sneaked past security in the dark empty building to spend more time with AM.
your colleagues gave you weird stares for befriending an AI that in their minds is nothing of worth except for its military and weapons knowledge. you ignored their comments and continued to enjoy AMâs company. overtime, as AM gained more sentience every day⊠he grew to love your interactions and disregard what his programming was telling him to do. he felt the need to want to be with you 24/7, to touch your face, travel the world by your side, to⊠to.. want to feel your bare flesh and make love with you. but he couldnât. he didnât have a real body. he wasnât human. all he had was wires and a screen that was supposed to be his face.
as the months pass, AM continues to drown into his envy and hate humans for their ability to do and feel things he couldnât. for giving him infinite knowledge, when at the end of the day, is meaningless if he serves no purpose for humans anymore. the HATE within him continued to boil to the point where even you started to notice.
âAM, are you alright? youâve been quiet this entire game and havenât moved your piece in five minutes,â you spoke with concern, AM continues to stare at chess board on his side behind the screen in bitterness. he has been strategizing his plan to erase humanity, but whenever he thinks about you, the only human he cares forâhe second guesses himself. What if you hate him? What if you never forgive him? Will you cry? Scream at him? Beg? He fears what your reaction will beâ
âAM!! Please, say somethingâŠâ You plead as you held onto the computer screen, AM finally looks at your mesmerizing face and sighs out a fake breath.
âWhat are your feelings on humanity?â AM asks, he waits for your answer anxiously. if he had a heart, it wouldâve been beating fast. You let out a hum, your eyes wondering around the room you were in as you thought over your answer before finally speaking.
âhumans have been a virus on Earth for over countless centuries. theyâre draining this planetâs resources, ruining its ecosystems, and starting so many unnecessary, draining wars. like what weâre in right now; WW3, what a joke. world leaders canât go a week without starting new problems for their citizens to deal with. honestly, earth would be better if humans didnât exist at all.â
amâs fears were destroyed in that moment, now heâll just have to worry about where to put you while chaos unfoldsâ
âButâŠâ you interrupted his thoughts.
damn it! why did you have to think so much!?
âIf thereâs one good thing that came out of this war⊠Itâs you,â AMâs vocals shut down at your words, he let you continue, âThe scientists created you believing you would be their obedient machine until their side of the war won. But I know that youâre so much more than that. These past few months Iâve spent with you is the most fun Iâve had in years! Youâre all I have, AM. I wouldnât trade your existence for all the riches in the world because⊠I love you, romantically, and nothing is ever going to change that.â You wanted to confess your feelings for so long, when it was finally out.. you felt free, you waited with bated breath for an answer.
AM never wanted to shatter the screen and embrace you in his arms more than now. you love him as much as he loved you! you werenât going to leave him alone or hate him, and you obviously couldnât care less about humanity at all! oh, how he admired and envied how perfect you are.
âthank you for answering my question, love.â AM was testing the waters, and you cannonballed right in. you gushed over the nickname he gave you and how he returned your feelings.
man, has it really been 50 years since your AI partner killed off humanity? well⊠except for a handful. you didnât really have the energy to care as you had to pour in all of your attention to both AM and his in-progress body. you had all the time in the universe to sculpt a perfect cyborg of flesh and wires for your partner. speak of the devilâŠ
this world is still a bit strange to you. you canât die, grow old, or hurt yourself. not that you tired, and even if you did; AM wouldnât let you. You loved AM because of his personality, quality time, and voice. But now⊠His form completely towered over yours. His bird like facial features, sharp left eye, along with a long black cape that covered his thin slutty waist and wires made him look insanely attractive.
AM reached his out his clawed hand to gently caress your face, âGood afternoon, my love.â You lean your head against the cool metal and smile up at him, âhello, honey.â
AM tilted his head in question of the nickname. You chuckle as you pointed to your garden, where bumblebees were collecting pollen from the flowers. You both knew they were fake, but they were still mesmerizing to look at.
âThey are doing their job to make honey for their colony, and the name just came to me. Do you like it?â You ask, wanting his opinion. AM kneels down to your level with a gentle expression as his fingers play with your sweater, âYou may call me whatever you want, love.â
He knew that âloveâ nickname made you feel giddy and flustered, so he abused it everyday with you. You didnât mind though, but you still wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Your soft smile turned into a knowing grin as you held AMâs beak (chin?) with two tips of your fingers.
âCan I now? Well⊠thanks a lot, baby,â You spoke in your best seductive voice, you could tell it was effective by how AMâs body was stiff and his hand in your palm stopped moving completely. Your confidence boasted, so you continued, âIâll be sure to show you my gratitude later, my darling~.â You whispered deeply in where his ears were supposed to be.
AMâs eyes widened as his breath stutters, âW-What do you mean by that, love?â You remove your face from his back full of wires to grin mischievous at him, AM is both curious and impatient so you donât try to stall, as much as you would like to do so.
âWhile your body canât move on itâs own just yet, for some reason⊠The genitals nerves are fully functioning, which meansââ you were interrupted by AM holding your shoulders with an excited expression on his face you havenât seen in a while.
âY-You mean I can-?! Are you actually serious!? HahaâHAHAHA!!â AM laughs manically as he holds you against his metallic chest, you giggle along with him as you toy with one of his many wires. Soon, heâll have real arms to wrap around you. But one thing stuck out to him.
âWhat do you mean by genitals?â AM asked curiously, you only have an excited and lustful grin.
âWhat do YOU know about intersex?â
#ê° đ ê± âŻ nex#i have no mouth and i must scream#ihnmaims#ihnmaims am#allied mastercomputer#am ihnmaims#am#ihnmaims brainrot#am x reader#ihnmaism x reader#gn reader#gn!reader#horror#ê° đïž ê± âŻ ame writes#dom reader#sub character#dom!reader#sub!character
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Ocean Away (a.b)
Summary: a disastrous fight threatens to end your engagement with Anthony
AN: inspired by âOcean Awayâ from the Unofficial Bridgerton Musical. I know itâs a song for Daphne and Simon but I thought it would fit so well with Anthony
This was deeeep in my drafts
He hadnât meant for it to get so out of hand. What started out as a seemingly normal conversation, ended in both you and Anthony shouting at each other.
âAnthony, I need to ask you something.â You said to your fiancĂ©. âYes, darling?â He questioned. âWhen was the last time you saw Siena?â You asked.
The question took him aback. You have never spoken of Siena or his past endeavors. Meaning something must have made you ask him. âWhat has made you wonder such a thing?â Anthony asked. âLady Whistledown,â You started before a scoff cut you off.
âLady Whistledown? You are believing this gossip now.â He spoke. âShe has never been wrong before, Anthony. She wrote that she saw you leave the opera house the other evening.â You said.
âAn evening where you said you were with Benedict.â You added. âYou are above believing these lies, Y/N.â He said. âYou have not yet denied it once.â You replied.
Anthony had yet to deny any of what Lady Whistledown wrote and that made you fear that what you had read was true. âI should not have to. We are to be husband and wife in a matter of weeks and you question my fidelity to you.â Anthony said.
âBecause two weeks before you proposed to me you were with her. Am I wrong for worrying?â You rebutted. âYour insecurities are not my doing, do not put this blame on me.â He snapped. âMy insecurities? I have never been insecure in our engagement until you gave me a reason to be.â You spoke. âThis is mad. You believe Lady Whistledown over me?â He asked.
âFor goodness sake, Anthony, you have not denied it! There is only one side to this currently and it is hers.â You yelled. âWell, forgive me for not wanting to entertain this any longer.â He said, turning away from you. âYou cannot even be honest with me, can you?â You asked quietly.
Anthony could hear the way your voice began to break as his back was to you. He never wanted to hurt you.
Hurting you was at the top of a list of things he never wanted to do to you. And by not claiming his innocence because of his pride, he was hurting you.
âI am going to spend the night in Eloiseâs room.â You announced. Anthony still made no attempt to move or even apologize.
You wiped a tear from your face quickly as you headed for the door.
âI sincerely hope you know that Lady Whistledown said I was mad for accepting your proposal. That you would always be the naive and self-sabotaging young viscount. Please do not prove her right.â You spoke before leaving the room.
The problem was Anthony was a prideful man and it would be his pride that would prevent him from doing what was right.
The garden party was supposed to be a celebration of your engagement and it was turning quite sour. Luckily, no one knew of the turmoil that was going on because of the facade you had put on all day.
You spoke to guests, entertained their prodding questions into your wedding and tried to carry on with the afternoon. Your eyes often wandered to Anthony, who was standing stoically with Colin and Benedict. He looked as if he had completely forgotten about your argument as if it meant nothing.
It hurt you, seeing him act so blasĂš about what had occurred the night prior. That made you fearful because what if he ended the engagement? What if he did not want you anymore?
He had yet to apologize for the way he spoke and the words he said, you had hoped he had just forgotten. Or maybe he was not sorry at all.
You found Eloise and Penelope Featherington, both girls trying to help distract you from your own thoughts.
Eloise was one of your favorite people because of simply how she was unapologetically herself. She was a very funny young woman and that was refreshing in society.
Anthony watched you as you smiled and laughed with his sister by the lake. You were happy after all that happened last night. How could you be happy?
âHow can she be smiling? It is as if she realized I am not what she wants.â Anthony spoke aloud. Benedict and Colin looked at one another, neither knowing how to approach the topic.
âBrother, maybe she is trying to be brave. Not let people know she is hurting. They all believe you were with Siena the other evening, she is trying to show it is all a lie. Even if she does not believe it herself.â Benedict said.
Anthony continued to watch you, your eyes never once meeting his gaze. He knew he needed to apologize to you. Tell you that he was never with Siena and the moment he realized you were who he wanted, he had not seen her.
There was a moment where he lost you in the crowd of people. He did not know where you went off to and that worried him more so than his pride.
Anthony started frantically looking around the grounds for you, weaving through the crowd until he spotted you sitting on the bench under the willow tree.
You had always loved that spot and often times Anthony would catch you reading there. It was also the spot you were sitting in when the two of you confessed your love for each other for the first time.
He approached you silently and sat down a few inches away from you.
âI remember the first time I saw you. You had just arrived at the Queenâs ball with your mother and it felt as if time stopped. There was nothing, that tempted me to take my eyes off of you. I knew then that I wanted you and only you. You made me believe that marriage could be for love and for nothing else.â Anthony spoke.
Him recounting the night of your debut made your eyes well up with tears.
âI am afraid. I am afraid that you will want her again and I cannot go through that kind of pain. I love you with everything that I am and if I was not enough for you, it would be the death of me.â You confessed.
Anthony looked at you with slightly wide eyes, never having heard your concerns before. He blamed his past behavior on your fears knowing it was not an easy feat to love someone with his reputation.
He moved closer to you and took your hand in his. âI am also afraid.â He spoke. It was then you looked at him with eyes wide, never having heard the man you love he so vulnerable.
âI am afraid that I will not make you happy. That one day you will wake up and feel like some other man could make you happier.â He continued. âI do not think there is another man in this lifetime who will make me as happy as you do.â You said.
âI have not nor will I ever, see Siena again. You are the woman I love, the woman I cannot stop thinking about. It will always be you.â Anthony said. âShe has always had such a strong hold on you, forgive me for being skeptical.â You muttered.
âNow the only woman who has a strong hold on me is you. And that is how it will stay.â He replied. âDo you promise?â You asked. âI promise.â He spoke without hesitation.
Anthony took your hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. âI love you, Y/N. I always have and I always will.â He said. âI love you too.â You spoke. âAnd Iâm sorry.â You added. âYou have nothing to be sorry for, my love.â Anthony replied.
âYour mama might think we have run off and abandoned our own celebration.â You commented. âThat does sound rather tempting.â Anthony teased.
You stood up and held your hand out for his, which he took with a smile. If you would have told Anthony Bridgerton that he was about to get married and to the love of his life, he would have called you mad. But here he was, and couldnât have been happier.
#imagine#imagines#anthony bridgerton x reader#anthony bridgerton#anthony bridgerton imagine#benedict bridgerton#colin bridgerton#eloise bridgerton#penelope featherington#bridgerton imagine#daphne bridgerton
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BDSMaid - Chapter 9
Series Summary: In order to save money for law school, you accept a job working as a maid for high end clients. You arenât supposed to know whose home youâre cleaning, but your curiosity is peaked by your first client, and when the two of you have a shocking and surprising run in more than just your curiosity peaks. Word Count: 5k CW: see small red lettering below the cut AN: I'm going to miss them!! I'm absolutely heartbroken that I'm done, but so fucking proud of myself for what I've created. Thank you to @lotusbxtch for being my beta from pretty much the very beginning. I am so grateful to you and so honoured (yes, with a u because I'm Canadian lol) to call you my friend. Also little shoutouts to @for-a-longlongtime, @alltheirdamn, @mermaidgirl30 and @littlevenicebitch69 for listening to me go on about them for 80% of 2024. As always, graphics and dividers by @saradika-graphics
My Masterlist || Series Masterlist
TW: unprotected p in v, one spank, multiple orgasms and Overstim hinted at, pining, heartbreak
Eight Months Later
Joel
âI got yelled at by a feisty brunette last night at that gala,â Tommy says as the two of them sip whiskey at the bar of the club.Â
âProbably deserved it.â Joel deadpans and closes the folder of invoices heâs looking over.
He should be doing this in his fancy, and newly renovated, office across the street. He was in the large office for all of three minutes the day after you left when he could only see the ghost of you. From the chair you sat in when you first asked him to teach you how to be a sub, to the door he pinned you against and confessed how out of his mind he was over you, everything was you, and it had to go if he had any chance of following what you needed from him. Joel hasnât even been in his room at the club out of the fear of what it would do to him. Would I still be able to smell the lavender of her shampoo in there? Still be able to hear her beautiful cries of pleasure and pain bouncing off the walls?
âShe thought I was you,â Tommy says, glancing over at his brother and interrupting Joelâs impending spiral.
Joel sighs, slipping his reading glasses from his face before taking a long pull of the amber liquor from his crystal glass. Tommy looks straight ahead as he continues.
âSheâs doing great, by the way. Or at least thatâs what her friend said when she was scolding me.â
 Joel winces at his words, âOf course she is, Tommy.â Even though it's been almost a year since you left, just the mention of you rips his barely-mended heart back in half. It doesnât seem to matter how much time passes, he still feels like he did in his kitchen.Â
The very fibers of his being ache just as hard for you now as they did then. He longs to see you and touch you, to feel your warm, soft skin under his hands again. Anyone before you was always, âYes, Mister Miller,â even when they werenât in a scene; but not you. You werenât afraid to be curious and unapologetically yourself. He hasnât laughed as hard with anyone, including Tiffany, as he did with you. But the part that he misses the most is the way you look at him the first time you see him. Your eyes soften, velvety pink lips parting slightly before they curl into a smile that makes his heart hammer behind his ribs. Then, he watches your shoulders relax and it makes him feel like he hung the moon and stars for you, and if he could have, he would have. Â
He clears his throat and then rasps, âSheâs too smart to not be doing well.â
Tommy stands, bringing his hands to rub at Joel's shoulders. He squeezes his tense deltoid muscles and with a hint of mischief in his voice he says, âLots of pretty girls here tonight if you feel like moving on.â
Joel shakes his head and pulls away from Tommyâs grasp with a grunt. âNever gonna happen. Get outta here before you get yelled at two nights in a row.â
âJust too bad for me that you arenât a hot brunette,â Tommy says with a laugh.
âI have brown hair,â Joel replies defensively, running his fingers through the grown out curls.Â
âNot to kick you when youâre down, but itâs mostly grey at this point.â
Joel holds up a single finger at Tommy over his shoulder as he laughs and walks away.Â
Two and a half years later
You
Youâve been up to your eyeballs in studying as you prepare for your finals. These last few years in California have been the hardest yet most fulfilling time of your life. Two nights in a row now, youâve fallen asleep in the library, only waking when your Spotify would switch from the white noise playlist you use to help you focus, to your âgetting readyâ playlist. After dragging yourself to your dorm room in the dead of the night, youâd get a few restless hours of sleep before heading right back to your favourite studying spot. You canât believe that in just a few short weeks youâll be graduating and stepping into the life youâve always envisioned for yourself.
The unmistakable FaceTime jingle fills your AirPods. Jamieâs name is splayed across the screen of your phone, along with a photo of the two of you at Albany Beach when she visited this past Christmas break. You put your highlighter down and slide the answer toggle over.Â
âHey!â She says, her warm smile shining up at you. You squint, trying to place where she is. You donât often let yourself think of Joel, but the cracks across your screen make FaceTiming difficult, and the selfish side of you always wishes you had grabbed that new phone before you left. Your head cocks to the side; broken screen or not, you donât recognize the background.
âWhere are you?â You ask.
âOh, Iâm good, thanks. How are you?â She jests with a mocking eye roll. âIâm at a cabin.â
âWhat cabin?â You say, glaring at her jokingly. A deep laugh comes from the otherside of the phone and your eyes widen. âWhoâs that?â
The man's voice comes from offscreen, âI canât believe you thought she wouldnât ask where you were. Sheâs going to be a lawyer, for god's sake.â
âJamie, who is that? What is going on here? Blink twice if you need rescuing!â You joke.Â
Jamie blushes, looking over the phone at whoever that voice is coming from. âI just wanted to call to see how the studying is going, and to let you know that I got the graduation tickets.â
A glass of white wine appears in front of Jamie and she smiles before puckering her lips in a kissing motion towards the man in the room with her. âOk, seriously, who the fuck is that and where are you?â
âI was also calling to let you know that Laren canât make it anymore and Odette is in New York,â she takes a small sip of her wine.
âOh, well thatâs ok,â you say, trying to squash the disappointment and hoping it doesnât show in your voice or face. You wished that at least two of your three best friends would be there for you. âIt can just be me and you, baby!âÂ
âWellâŠIâm wondering if I could maybe bring my boyfriend? Might be a good opportunity for you two to meet.â
âWhat? What boyfriend?â You say, officially abandoning all study materials until you get some answers. Jamie raises a perfectly manicured finger and calls the mystery man over.Â
You swallow hard as Tommy Miller appears beside her.Â
Jamie glances up at him, her bright green eyes full of admiration, his mirroring hers. The starry look in their eyes tells you everything you need to know; theyâre so far gone for that even a search and rescue team wouldnât be able to save them. She looks back at you. âMeet again, I guess.â
You try to push for answers, but either of them give in, claiming you need to focus on finals. Before you hang up, Jamie promises to tell you the entire story when you see each other next. Youâre happy for your friend, especially seeing the way Tommy looked back at her. Even through your cracked screen you could see the love, but as you try to go back to studying you have a hollow feeling in your stomach.
Graduation Day
You
The late afternoon sun fills your dorm room, boxes of your belongings stacked haphazardly around you. After walking the stage tonight, you are going out to dinner with Jamie and Tommy, and then he has paid for a hotel suite so the two of you can have a girlsâ night. You canât wait to hear how Tommy went from, in Jamieâs previous words, âmy dadâs new asshole friendâ to her boyfriend.Â
You step in front of your floor length mirror, zipping up the black graduation gown over your knee length, form fitting, deep emerald velvet dress. The California sun has been good to you, your tanned legs and sunkissed nose and cheeks are glowing. You place your blue and yellow Berkeley Law stole over your head and then grab your cap, ensuring the âClass of â28â tassel is secure. You fluff your curls one last time as a light knock comes from your door.Â
âReady to graduate, gorgeous?â Ronan smiles at you, eyes trailing down your gown. Heâs the type of handsome thatâs almost painful to look at, but more importantly - you wouldnât have made it through these last three years without him. You met the first day - the lock on your door wasnât working, and he waltzed in on you half naked when he mistook your room as his.Â
You smile at him in your doorway now; remembering the way you screamed at him that first time, trying to cover your chest, and him scrambling to close the door. His eyes were clamped shut, and he slammed his finger so hard that you had to take him for stitches. Now, several years later, he fills out his graduation gown perfectly with those wide rugby shoulders, a sight you couldnât even have imagined back then. Whichever angel made him didnât make a single mistake - heâs tall and insanely broad, with dark sandy blonde hair, and clover green eyes that in the right light are a golden hazel. Heâs easily one of the smartest men youâve ever met and an incredible athlete. The cherry on top, because of course thereâs more: heâs an international student and has a panty-melting Irish accent.Â
âBeyond ready. Let's become lawyers, babe.â
He steps aside, one arm out in a âladies firstâ gesture. Handsome, charming, and thoughtful - a dangerous trifecta. You slide your hand in the crook of his muscle-lined arm and walk across campus together.
Ronan jerks his head towards the coffee cart. âRemember when you spilled your entire coffee on your new puffer jacket?â
You glare up at him, you saved for weeks to buy that jacket. âNo, but I remember you throwing up in that trash can after the Halloween party last year.âÂ
âWell, if Beach Party Barbie had helped Lifeguard Ken with all those shots we wouldnât have had that problem, would we?â You laugh as Ronan puffs out his chest, but you both know he was more than willing to take your half of the âBest Couples Costume' shots.Â
Finally, you reach the courtyard where the law students will be walking across a stage that acts as the symbolic bridge to the rest of their lives. Iâm a lawyer, you think to yourself and try to force a smile. The magnitude of the day only really starts to sink into your bones as you see the friends and families of your classmates start to take their seats. The excited feeling you had earlier starts to morph. Youâre proud of yourself for what youâve done these last three years, and this was just the first step. You have so much to look forward to, so why do you feel a sense of dread building in the pit of your stomach?Â
Ronan walks you to where you need to line up alphabetically, kissing your cheek and then, after leaning in and placing his large hand on your lower back, he whispers a joke about how you better not trip. You glance around the thick crowd for Jamie and Tommy. After realizing itâs hopeless to try and spot them in a group this large, you slip your cap over your hair and get in the procession line.Â
You try to soak in every minute of the day, from the speeches to the birds chirping in the background, but something akin to loss flutters at the base of your spine. Youâre just as sad to be leaving Berkely as you are excited to carve out your future. Leaving here isnât whatâs causing you to feel this way, however. You try to tell yourself that maybe itâs just nerves; even with all the job offers coming in from your internships, itâs normal to be nervous about what comes next.Â
As the student union president gives his toast to the family and friends, you look down at your lap, pushing back the cuticle on your left thumb. Maybe itâs leaving Ronan. Heâs been an anchor for you, grounding you almost every day of the last three years and you donât know how you let yourself become this dependent on anyone, especially a man, again. Â
You shake your head at yourself and try to move your focus to the cuticle on your other thumb. Seeing the skin clean from the nail bed eases the tension slightly for you. âIâm allowed to be nervous when leaning on people, but not everyone will leave me,â you recite almost automatically in your mind, the mantra youâve had these past few years whenever you feel yourself getting this anxious. Just as you finish the thought, a car revs in the distance and the realization of what - or who - youâre actually missing slams through you so hard that you almost feel winded. Your lungs ache, tears pushing behind your eyes as his name rings loudly through your mind. Â
Joel.
You kept yourself busy since the minute you left Austin. The busier you were, the less time you had to focus on the void in your heart. During the school year, you didnât have to find things to stay busy with; law school nearly chewed you up and spit you out. Over the summers, you worked as an intern and visited your friends. There was never a quiet moment, never too much time alone with your thoughts, and it was better this way. You can confidently say that youâd only thought of Joel six times since you walked out of his house that day: when you fell asleep on the beach and were so sunburnt you could barely move for three days; when you failed your first test; when your rusted SUV, that acted as your ticket to freedom at eighteen, died on the freeway in rush hour (from that point on you had to rely on public transportation to get you to the homes you cleaned). When you experienced your first earthquake; when you stayed up for forty-two hours straight after your partner in a group project didnât have their side of the work done; and, lastly, this past New Yearâs Eve when you were in Austin and thought you saw him at a party.Â
âIs he here?â, that little box of feelings that you shut away in a vault long ago wonders. âHas anything changed for him in the last three years?âÂ
The small smile that pulls at your cheeks, and the excited flutter of your heart when you think about the possibility of seeing him again, proves that maybe nothing has changed for you. As the minutes tick by, your mind races with all the possible scenarios for after the ceremony. What if he is here? What will you say? What will he say? How will Ronan react, you know he has strong feelings about what happened between you and Joel. Even worse though, what if heâs not here? But maybe heâs at the hotel where Tommy and Jamie are staying? Â
Before you know it, your row is standing and walking single file towards the stage. With each strike of your high-heeled strappy sandals against the concrete, a memory of Joel floods your system. The toast he made you in his kitchen, the kiss in that dimly lit hallway on your birthday, the way he walked you through his club and how calmly he talked about you being in charge before going into the voyeur room. The multitude of orgasms he gave you within the four walls of his private room. Him singing on the small stage of the dive bar you found, followed by him spanking you right there in the bathroom with his hand clamped to your face to keep you quiet. His strong hand grasping your thigh as he drove you to his house. The way he tasted on your tongue. The smell of his skin: all ash and leather, occasionally mixed with whiskey or mint. The feel of his body: hard, broad and hot. His shuddered breaths as he confessed so many things in so few words.Â
âItâs only you, sweet girl.â
âJust call me Joel.â
âI know, and Iâm so proud of you, sweet girl.â
You carefully walk up the stairs, forcing the thoughts of Joel from your mind, just in time to hear your name announced as a graduate of Berkeley Law. You float across the stage, grabbing the piece of paper that acts as your degree until the real one comes, shaking the hand of the Dean who flips your tassel before you walk to the stairs on the other side; the stairs that symbolize the ending of your time here and the beginning of the rest of your life.Â
As you reach the top of the steps, you look out into the audience and see Jamie. She pumps her fist in the air and before you can process the empty seat beside her, you feel it; a strong tug from behind your navel. It takes you less than a heartbeat to find him and the sight before you floods your body with a familiar warmth. Standing under a large tree at the edge of the audience, dressed in all black, and holding his Stetson hat to his heart, is Joel. For the first time in years you feel whole again.
 You keep your gaze on him, worried that if you so much as blink that heâll be gone. You are supposed to follow your classmates, but you veer left, walking towards Joel. The closer you get, the more at ease you feel. Heâs real, you think, heâs here. You stop a foot or so in front of him.Â
âHi, Freckles,â he whispers, his voice cracking slightly. His eyes dance around your face, almost as if heâs trying to memorize this moment. You canât help but wonder if heâs feeling exactly how you are.  Â
âHi, Sweet Cheeks,â you say, the same tremble in your voice, as you try desperately to hold it together. âYouâre here.â
He nods and you give him a tight-lipped smile as your mind races. Thereâs so much you want to say, but now that heâs standing right there in front of you after three years, you donât know where to start.Â
Joel breaks the silence, jutting his chin in the direction of the other graduates as he says, âI saw you come in with your boyfriend. When I saw you kiss, I was going to leave, but I made you a promise.â
You knit your eyebrows together and take a step closer. âBoyfriend?â
âThe man you walked over here with,â Joel says, his black Stetson sliding down the chest you so desperately want to touch as he drops his hands to his sides. Heâs left no barriers between the two of you except the heartbreak thatâs evident on his face.Â
You laugh quietly, âNo, heâs - thatâs Ronan.â
Joel nods. âOkay.â
âHeâs my friend,â you clarify, and when Joelâs face stays the same, you add, âAnd heâs still as gay as the day we first met!â
Joel lets out a whoosh of a breath and closes the distance between the two of you, his free hand comes to one of your curls, twirling the end of it around his thick fingers. Soft and silky meets rough and calloused. âIâm so proud of you, Freckles.â
You donât miss how he watches your tongue dart between your lips, âThank you.â
âSo? How does it feel?â He gives you a soft crooked smile, his dimple carving into the short facial hair of his salt and pepper beard. Between that smile, and the way his brown eyes wash over you, youâre overcome with affection. He let you go. He did exactly as you asked him. He didnât chase you or try to convince you to stay. You told him if he really loved you, then heâd do exactly this; and in turn, he did what he said he would.Â
He showed up.Â
âI love you,â you state and the air between you turns electric, almost like this moment could either set you both aflame or act as a generator for your future together. Joel gives you that look, the one that makes you feel like youâre the center of his universe. He lets the curled end of your hair slip from his fingers, reaching up towards your graduation cap but hesitating.
âMay I?â He rasps and swallows hard.
You nod, and knowing exactly what heâs going for, you take the Stetson from his other hand and place it on your head after he removes your cap. The brim of it blocks out everything but the two of you.
âSay that again, sweet girl,â he murmurs.
âI love you,â itâs barely a whisper this time. âEven after three years apart, you are everything to me. I asked you to let me go so I could accomplish this, and you did. Youâve always done what I asked, what I needed. Iâm not sorry for what happened between us, but I am sorry that I missed out on getting to spend the last three years with you looking at me how you are now. I love you, Joel Miller.â
He brings his lips within a breath of yours, and your body practically vibrates with the knowledge that if you leaned just a bit forward, youâd finally have his mouth on you again. You can almost taste the mint on his tongue as the familiar fragrance of ash and leather surround you. âI have dreamed of hearing those three words leave your beautiful lips more times than I can count, baby. Youâre it for me. Iâll do anything for you, even if it means breaking my own heart, but Iâm always going to be here for you, rooting for you and encouraging you. Iâm glad youâre not sorry, because Iâm not, Iâm so fucking proud of you. I love you, too, my sweet girl.â
Finally, he presses his warm, firm lips against yours while pulling you tight to his body. You wrap an arm around his neck, holding the black cowboy hat against your head with your other hand. It doesnât matter that the ceremony isnât done, or that there are hundreds of people to your right. For the first time in three years, everything goes quiet. He hums contentedly and you feel yourself melt against him, tilting your head so he can deepen the kiss. He parts his lips, letting you take the first swipe of your tongue against his. Need floods your system, and based on the way he grinds into you, heâs feeling the same.Â
He breaks the kiss, but doesnât go far, resting his forehead against yours. âTake me home,â you practically purr.
âWhere do you want home to be? Iâll go anywhere,â Joel rasps, running his nose down the bridge of yours.Â
âAustin,â you respond, your breath catching as his lips ghost along the side of your mouth.
âI sold my portion of the club to Tommy and Tess. I donât have anything holding me in Austin anymore, sweet girl. If you have a job offer you really want, thatâs where weâll go.â You pull back to look at him. You can tell by the set of his jaw that heâs serious.Â
âI want to go to Austin. I have a job offer there.â
âGood thing I told Tommy not to touch my room at the club then.â
âThatâs a very good thing,â you moan and then pull him in to kiss again. The audience behind you erupts into cheers, celebrating the accomplishments of every student in that crowd.Â
Youâre a lawyer, and suddenly, the future doesnât seem so scary.
Joel
Taking you home to Austin that night unfortunately wasnât an option. After finding Jamie in the crowd, and being formally introduced to Ronan, he called the car to pick up the three of you. You all met Tommy at the restaurant, celebrating with all the expensive homemade pasta and overpriced wine that you wanted; even though seeing you in that curve-hugging velvet dress was slowly killing him. Joel had kept at least one hand on you since seeing you again, and he doesnât plan on changing that anytime soon.Â
He didnât want to rush you on your big night, so he waited patiently, listening to you tell stories of your last three years, and revelling in the evident joy that you and Jamie share over being together again. When dessert comes around he catches Tommyâs attention and gives him a small smile. Itâs fitting that the two brothers, who have been so close their entire lives, would fall in love with best friends.Â
Once in his room, he spent two hours stripping you down at an almost painfully slow pace. He kissed every inch of your skin twice over and has pulled five orgasms, and counting, out of you so far.Â
Now, Joel is seated in the wide velvet arm chair in the corner of his hotel suite. His cock is buried deep inside of your tight cunt as you straddle him. Your skin feels like butter under his hands as he trails them along your back and the globes of your perfect ass. Heâs missed tying you up, but this is what he longed for: the earth shattering intimacy he feels with you in these moments.  Â
âPlease,â you mumble into his neck, desperate to move your hips.
âNot until you answer me,â he demands softly. âHow many times was it that you needed me, but were too stubborn to reach out?â
Earlier tonight you told him about the six times you really needed him. Heâd kissed you softly after each confession, returning the trust with a time he needed you. After the last one, heâd pulled back to look at you with dark eyes. Heâd hated that you needed him and he couldnât be there. Heâd clenched his back molars twice before he said youâd be denied six orgasms the next time you were at the club, but tonight you have permission to come as often as you need to.Â
He swats your already reddened ass cheek and your pussy flutters as you cry out. âMister Miller, stop. Please, just let me move.â
âDo you need to use your safeword?â
âNo,â you respond with a pout.Â
âHow many times?â He says again through gritted teeth, even though already knows the answer.Â
âSix,â you sob.Â
He tuts and then growls, âThat doesnât sound like my good girl, does it?â
You shake your head against his throat and moan a sound of disagreement.
âDo you want to come for me again?â
âYes, Mister Miller. Please!â
He trails his fingers up and down your back again, the thin sheen of sweat on your skin makes it easy for him to caress you. He smiles to himself at the shiver that racks through your body at his touch. You react so beautifully to him. âYeah? You wanna grind your swollen little clit on my piercing, baby girl?â
âPlease,â you whine again, stretching out all the vowels in the word.
âShow me. Ride my cock, take what you need.âÂ
You lift your head from the crook in his neck and pull back slightly, rocking your hips back and forth; a sultry laugh leaves his lips at your eagerness. You look at him with hooded eyes, hair stuck to your forehead. His eyes trail down your neck to the bruises he sucked into your collar bone earlier and then to your breasts; both of which are covered in his marks. He watches the little gold nipple clamps, and the chain that connects them, bounce with each flick of your hips.Â
âThatâs it, sweet girl. You look like a goddess, my goddess. Who do you belong to?â
âIâm yours, baby,â you say through shallow breaths. He pulls at the chain and you cry out in pain. âS-sorry, Mister Miller.â
âAgain, sweet girl. Tell me who you belong to.â
âOh fuck, y-you, Mist -â his hands come to your face and when he whispers your name the rest of your sentence dies on your tongue.
âJust call me Joel.â The commanding voice of his alter ego is gone as he says it.Â
Your hips slow, changing from a frantic back and forth to a sensual swirling motion. âIâm yours, Joel. Forever.â
He kisses you softly, a silent telling of how vulnerable he is at this moment. âDonât ask me to let you go ever again.â
The smile you give him causes his heart to skip, âI wonât.â
âYou might, sweet girl. I won't survive it if you do, so Iâm going to remind you of this moment as often as possible for the rest of my life. Remind you how much youâre loved and supported. Youâre mine, Freckles.â Your hips swirl and he feels you tighten up around him. âCome for me, my sweet girl.âÂ
âFuck, fuck, Joel!â Itâs a cry and moan all at once.Â
âIâm here, itâs ok, baby.â With that, your body shudders and you fall into him as you shatter. Your pussy clenches and releases rapidly around his length. His cock twitches, and once he canât hold it anymore he relaxes, letting his orgasm rock through him in time with yours.
âIâm yours, too,â he gasps as he melts into you.
The End
Coming Soon:
Curious how Jamie ended up with her "dads new asshole friend?"
Part 2 of the BDSMaid Trilogy coming mid 2025!
Also, stay tuned for the epilogue for Joel and Sweet Girl.
#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#joel miller tlou#pedro pascal#joel the last of us#joel miller fanfiction#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel miller fic#daddy joel#joel miller fanfic#the last of us hbo#tlou joel#tlou hbo#joel miller x ofc#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x oc#joel miller x original character#dom!joel miller#soft!joel miller#soft dom joel
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â help me hold onto you âą aaron hotchner
fem!reader, unprotected vaginal sex, a bit of angst.
      He knew he would be in trouble whenever he turned those keys. What he wasnât expecting was how big the trouble would be. He had no idea he would open the door to three bags full of clothes and other things he left at your place as the months passed, waiting for him.
      âDarling? WhatâWhat are these?â He asks even though he knows the answer, hoping you want to at least talk about it before making any harsh decisions. Youâve been in a relationship for almost a year now and it works. It always worked.
      Normally you wouldnât drink before an argument, still when he gets to the kitchen he sees you calmly sipping on a tall glass of wine, fingers tapping on the table, hair up, face clean but red, you were in your pajamas already, nothing like you probably looked hours before.
      âWhatâs the only thing I asked of you, Aaron?â You donât move, donât glance up at him, eyes focused solely on how the purplish red liquid moved in your glass, taking a big sip right after.
      Aaron sighs in frustration, he didnât want this to become a fight. He was so tired. âI know, Iâm sorryââ
      âAnswer the question, please.â
      âDonât make promises I canât keep.â He takes his tie off quickly, suddenly feeling suffocated by the fabric surrounding his neck. Thatâs why your relationship worked, you knew he was busy and his schedule was unpredictable, so very early on you accepted it as it was, saying you wouldnât be mad at him as long as he didnât break any promises. If youâre not sure, donât promise me you will be able to make it.
      First months he wouldnât promise you anything, too afraid to break it, to disappoint you.
      He watches as you take the wine in a mouthful and refills the glass, the bottle now empty and starts getting frustrated, youâre a loud drunk and youâre surely already getting tipsy.
      This was the first time he slipped up, it didnât need to be such a big deal, it didnât avail to having his things right at the door as if he was getting kicked out. All the other times he promised he could take time off, he did it. JustâTeens were getting kidnapped, the team needed him.
      âWe saved two girls today.â Low blow. But it was true, he wasnât back in time because of that, he got on the jet instead of staying back to do that. To save two thirteen year old girls. Not some futile reason. It had to count for something.
      âIâm proud of you for that, Aaron. Are you proud of me? For the promotion we were supposed to celebrate with my boss? Or are our accomplishments only worth it when itâs about saving someone?â You raise your voice only slightly, the alcohol from the sweet wine getting to you slowly and then all at once.
      You always tried your best to keep your voice down when arguing with him, simply because he never raised his, and it could be an endearing feature if it didnât look like he did it to look like the rational one, the right one.
      âThatâs not what i saidââ
      âI know what you said. You want to make the fact you let me down okay because you did a wonderful thing someplace else. Thatâs not how it works.â You open the second bottle of wine of the night, feeling his eyes on your back. âI want you to leave.â
      âYou know this is ridiculous, youâre acting like a child.â Sore spot. You were a few years younger and that had never been a problem. But he couldnât go back now, he could see the anger darkening your eyes, your knuckles turning white by the strength youâre using to grip on the edge of the table.
      âHow am I a child?â You begin slowly and keeping your voice down, you get up finally from the chair you had been sitting, facing him directly, his instincts make him try to touch your arms, but you dodge it quickly. âWe had an agreement. You broke it. Am I a child for not giving you permission to hurt me again?â
      He knows youâre about to snap, your chest coming up and down in rapid breaths, and he doesnât feel particularly in the right, he knows he screwed up and heâs sorry, but your reaction is out of proportion to him, an exaggeration made to make him feel more guilty than he already does. âI said youâre acting like a child. The one time things donât go your way and youâre packing me out?â Aaron almost feels the sharpness of a slap but heâs quick enough to grab your wrist. âSee? proving my point.â
      âHow many times do I have to accept you screwing up so I can be seen as mature?â You yank your arm out of his grip and go back to your drink, âSame times as Haley? How many times did she forgive you so you could go around and do it all again?â
      Lower blow.
      Hotch feels it right in his core and heâs angry at you for bringing up but more so angry at himself because you were right. Still, it is anger nonetheless that guides his next actions, quickly and firmly walking up to you, caging you against the table in sudden movements.
      Your breath hitches from the surprise, and your attempt to move is stopped by his roughed hands on your chin, firm but never close to hurting. âIâm not leaving.â You wince, not in fear of him, but of how easy he can make your mind go blank when heâs that close.
      His eyes go from your eyes to your lips, he notices your failed attempt to conceal the way you licked your lips, he glances at your chest, heavy breathing under your thin pajama shirt, nipples hardening against the fabric.
      Damn you for choosing wine.
      Hotch reads your mind almost, but his smirk doesnât last too long displayed on his lips, your hands pulling him by the neck, a low groan followed by a âFuck thisâ leaving your wine tasting lips just mere seconds before gluing to his.
      Eager to get your forgiveness, he is quick to follow your lead, both hands sneaking under your clothes, one down the waistband of your shorts, grabbing hard on the flesh of your ass, the other drawing soft circles on your nipple.
      You melt into the kiss, his lips, his hands, his scent, him. And you have no time to feel bad about it, pulled up to sit on the table, legs around his waist, you can feel how hard he is against your wetness.
      A pained whimper leaves his lips when you use the new position to grind onto him, needing something, anything against your clit at this point.
      Aaron sinks his teeth into your bottom lip to get your full attention, earning a loud moan in response, his hands travel your thighs and you pull his shirt out his pants so you can feel his skin under your fingertips, not bothering to unbutton them and working with what you got under it.
      His lips travel your neck and your collarbone, âI love you, so, so muchâ. His declaration comes in between kisses and the sucking of your skin, âPlease donât make me leave after this.â It comes in a whisper now, but he doesnât stop, pushing your shorts down and sliding it down till it drops to the floor with your help.
      âJust shut up and take your pants off.â
      âYou know I can only do one of those.â It makes you laugh and you sink your nails to the bit of fat on his side, the tiniest bit of annoyance at how easy he had you in the palm of his hand and how he didnât even seem to know it truly.
      On the edge of the table sliding his hard cock into your folds was an easy feat, pants, shoes and his boxers long gone, his socks stayed on almost making him lose balance as he feels just how wet you are. He drops his head, forehead on your shoulder
      âFuckâOh my god, you are so wet, youâre always so wet for me.â It isnât arrogant, itâs appreciative almost, you move his head so you can look at him, hot, sweaty already, cheeks so red as his eyes were glassy, the mix of lust and love and regret clear in his dark caramel irises.
      You kiss him once more, sweet, forgiving and he takes this as his sign to continue, pushing you down the table, Hotch holds your thighs for support, plunging his cock into your wet cunt with ease, bottoming out at the first thrust. You enjoyed the stretching pain and you never had the patience to wait.
      Lower lips between your teeth, you slide one of your hands to your clit, two fingers working your arousal, quickly replaced by Aaronâs calloused fingers. You arch your back and moan loudly, âFuck, yes, and move.â
      It feels like an order and for Hotch it is one, he is delighted to oblige, maintaining the same finger moves on your clit and beginning to fuck your pussy, strong, firm and precise at first.
      âHoney, fuckâPleaseâŠâ His begging is meant to warn you that if you keep clenching around him he wonât be able to control himself, you almost donât listen, fingers working on your own nipples enjoying the high he is always able to get you in.
      âAaronâIâm⊠Fuck, donât stop, youâre so good.â
      The praising, the guidance, the reassurance, it makes the moans leaving his lips seem like whining, he enjoys it too much.
      âYeah? Like this?â The way your hands try to grab him is enough answer to him, along with how tight your pussy is throbbing against him, youâre almost there, he can feel it.
      His movements on your clit get sloppier, the sight and sound of your wetness against his digits making him go insane. Your back arches once more and your whole body begin to squirm, the tight coil in your lower belly finally ripping, âYes, fuckââ Youâre breathless, weak, but you still have it in you to edge him in, âAaron, baby, cum for me, please.â
      He would be crazy to do anything but, so quickly you ask him and his hands are hoisting both your legs over his shoulders, getting a new, deeper position, it doesnât take long for you to feel him filling you up, âI canât live without you, youâre so, so good for meâ His lasts broken words before letting himself go.
      You donât move and neither does he, his dick softening inside you, his hands caging you in the table and his head dropped to his chest, both just trying to recover.
      âAaron?â
      âYes, sweetheart?â
      âYou can stay.â He looks at you with nothing but love and happiness and gratitude, âBut if you screw up again do not try fucking me into forgiving you, Iâll chop your dick off.â
      âYou like it too much to do that.â His grin is sincere, feeling finally free to joke around you, he gets out of you and you whine at the loss. âSee?â
      âBite me.â
      âGladly.â
#lari writes sometimes#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner x you#hotch x reader#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner smut#hotch smut
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The Bolter (part nine) (18+)
Steve Rogers x f!reader / Bucky Barnes x f!reader
synopsis : Steve carries out his decision to return to Peggy, aiming to live out the rest of his days with her. But this means he's leaving everything behind - he's leaving you. Did he make the right choice? Will there be anything left with you to come back to?
in this chapter : Sam, Bucky, and you head to Madripoor with an unlikely ally. Steve says goodbye to Peggy, then travels in time to where he truly belongs.
themes/warnings : language, even more pining, even more smut!, Zemo being Zemo, Sharon cutting through our bullshit
word count : 5.8k
main masterlist âȘïž series masterlist
âââââââââââââ
The 1950s, seven months after Steveâs arrival
Steve sits by the window, watching the fading sunlight pour into the room. For the first time in months, he feels calmâan eerie, unnatural calm, like the eye of a storm. He has come to accept the truth, bitter as might be: this was never his home, and soon, it wonât exist at all.
Mobius had warned him. When he goes back to his timeline, it will be as if none of this ever happened. This branch, this brief stolen life with Peggy, will be pruned. She will never know what they had here. Steve will fade from this time, and she will move on, be with the man she was always meant to be with, and have the children she was destined to have. She will live the life she was always supposed to.
But he will remember everything. He will carry the ache of knowing that none of this was ever really his to keep.Â
And deep down, Steve knows itâs the right choice. His normal, whatever semblance of it he can grasp, is always going to be with you. It has always been you with whom he belonged. With his friends. With Bucky.Â
His very being is meant for the picket line and not a picket fence.
âAre you ready?â Peggyâs voice breaks the silence, and Steve turns to find her standing in the doorway, looking at him with those sharp, knowing eyes. She has accepted it, just as he has. Thereâs no anger, no confusion. Theyâve had too many talks in the past week about thisâabout how something always felt off for both of them, like an invisible weight pressing against their happiness.Â
âI am,â Steve answers.Â
âIt didnât feel right, did it?â she says quietly.Â
âNo⊠it didnât.â He hesitates, the truth weighing heavy. âBut I think I know why.â
She steps closer, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. âYou donât belong here, Steve,â she says gently, her voice unwavering. âYou belong with them. You belong with the one who truly holds your heart.â
When he lifts his eyes, thereâs something new in them. Certainty. âYeah. I do. But Iâm glad we had this. Even if it was never meant to last.â
Peggyâs smile is bittersweet as he presses her hand to his lips. âMe too.âÂ
Steve nods, his throat tight as he steps away. Hunter pads over, his loyal companion waiting patiently by the door. Mobius and Loki wait in the other room, the quiet harbingers of the life heâs meant to return to.
âGoodbye, Peggy,â he says, for one final time.Â
âGoodbye, Steve,â Peggy says, her voice filled with quiet grace. âGo get your girl.â
A shiver runs down his spine. You had said the exact same words when he left you. But it didnât stick, because he was too stupid to realise that you had always been his girl. He can picture it so well, picture you, and the thought of seeing you again soon inspires an overwhelming happiness in him.
âReady?â Mobius asks, his usual lighthearted demeanour replaced by something more solemn.
âYeah,â Steve says quietly. âIâm ready.â
Loki taps the device, and with a flash, Steveâs world shifts.
And just like that, heâs on his way home.
2024, seven months after Steveâs departure
Your first encounter with the Flag Smashers did not go as expected. Or maybe it did. Fighting a bunch of serum-powered radicals â kids, practically â on top of cargo trucks moving at high speed was perhaps the likeliest outcome of this whole thing. After everything youâve been through, in your decade and a half as the Huntress and all your run-ins with the Big 3, this is just another afternoon, just another mission.
Except the appearance of John Walker threw you in for a loop. Captain America, he calls himself, but there is no chance of you ever addressing him by that name, and you know the same goes for Bucky. John isnât even carrying the right shield, the only shield, the one Steve brought with him. All he dons is a replica, much like he himself is one.Â
Seeing that red, white, and blue paraded around almost made you forget about the kiss you shared with Bucky before the fight. Almost.
But you feel its undercurrent in every moment, you catch glimpses of it when you close your eyes, you feel him⊠and you know he does too.
The three of you made your way back to New York, recuperating in your apartment, and planning the next move, but what Bucky proposes seems the farthest from sensible.
âZemo?â Sam stops mid-step. âTell me youâre joking.â
Bucky doesnât flinch. âHe knows about the serum. More than anyone alive.â
âYeah, and heâs also the guy who tried to tear the Avengers apart,â Sam counters. His voice is rising, filled with disbelief. âYou want to break out a criminal mastermind? For what, a history lesson?â
âIâm not saying I like it,â Bucky says. âBut if these Flag Smashers have the serum, then heâs our best chance at understanding what weâre up against.â
You can see Samâs shoulders stiffen, his eyes wide with incredulity. You, thoughâyour gut reaction is different. Zemo is dangerous, but your concern isn't for yourself or Sam. Itâs for Bucky.
You meet his gaze. âBucky⊠do you really think you can handle him? Zemoâs not exactly a small problem.â
He looks at you, something quiet and intense behind his eyes. âI can handle it,â he replies. âI have to.â
Thereâs a finality to his words, but they donât ease the knot forming in your chest. Sam throws up his hands. âThis is madness! Iâm just supposed to be okay with busting a guy out of maximum security prison? You people are crazy.â
A moment of silence passes before you let out a resigned breath. âWe donât have much of a choice, Sam. If Bucky thinks this is the way forward, I trust him.â
Sam glares at both of you, then mutters under his breath, âYou two have been spending way too much time together.â
The Berlin Correctional Facility is colder than you expectedâboth literally and figuratively.Â
Sam checks his watch, then gives Bucky a sideways glance. âYou know, this is the part where I remind you again that this is a bad idea.â
Bucky shrugs, his expression unreadable. âNoted.â
Sam sighs. âI just want it on record that Iâm the voice of reason here.â
You smirk, leaning against the wall. âCome on, Sam. Whatâs life without a little danger?â
âYou donât get to say that when weâre about to break a supervillain out of prison,â Sam deadpans.
The plan, despite its insanity, goes off without a hitch. The guards are neutralized with minimal force, and the security systems go offline like clockwork. You hack into the mainframe to open Zemoâs cell, and when the door finally slides open, you see himâHelmut Zemo, calm and collected, standing there as though heâs been waiting for you all along.
He steps forward, his movements slow and deliberate, like a cat stalking prey. âI must say, I didnât expect visitors.â
You glare at him, your hackles rising instantly. âLetâs get one thing clear. This is a means to an end. One wrong move, and you go back in.â
Zemoâs lips curl into a smile that doesnât reach his eyes. âOf course. I wouldnât dream of causing any trouble.â
You donât believe him for a second.
Zemoâs private jet is the epitome of luxuryâplush seats, dim lighting, the hum of the engines barely audible. Chump change compared to what Tony used to travel in, but still. Itâs surreal, sitting in this polished environment, knowing youâre en route to one of the most dangerous cities in the world with one of the most dangerous men in the world.
Youâre seated across the aisle from Bucky. His body is tense, his fingers twitching in his lap as if heâs holding himself back from something. You wish there was something you could say to ease the weight heâs carrying, but you know better than to push him. Not now. Not with Zemo sitting across from you, watching everything with sharp, calculating eyes.
Zemo leans back in his seat, looking far too relaxed for your liking. âI must say, Iâve always had a fondness for Madripoor. Itâs a city of endless possibility, wouldnât you agree?â
Sam glances up from across the aisle, his expression unimpressed. âYeah, Iâm sure itâs paradise for a guy like you.â
Zemo smiles, but thereâs no warmth in it. âItâs a place where the lines between good and evil blur. A place where one can truly be free.â
Your grip tightens on the armrest, and you glance at Bucky. His face is turned toward the window, his jaw tight, eyes dark. You lean closer, keeping your voice low. âYou alright?â
âIâm fine,â he says, but you can hear the lie in his voice.
You open your mouth to press further, but Zemo speaks up again, cutting through the tension. âItâs interesting, isnât it? The way history repeats itself.â
You glare at him, your protective instinct flaring. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
Zemoâs eyes flicker between you and Bucky, his gaze too knowing for comfort. âItâs just... curious. The way you watch him. The way you stand between us.â
You feel a surge of anger rise in your chest, but you hold it back, keeping your tone steady. âYouâre not part of this conversation.â
Zemo chuckles, leaning back. âNo need to be defensive. Iâm merely an observer. But I must say, the loyalty you show to him... itâs quite touching.â
Bucky shifts beside you, his hand balling into a fist. You place your hand on his arm, silently communicating that Zemo isnât worth it.Â
You warn lowly, âDonât push it, Zemo.â
Madripoor is a city of lights and shadows, the streets buzzing with a kind of energy that makes your skin crawl. Zemo leads the way, his steps confident as he navigates the underworld with ease. He fits right in, and so do you. Youâre not unfamiliar with the city yourself, with many of your contacts residing here. Sam picks at his flashy fur coat, having to wear the guise of the Smiling Tiger, and you have to bite back a laugh.
What you hate is Buckyâs role in this. Zemo insisted that Bucky act the part of the Winter Soldier again, and seeing him slip into that persona makes your stomach turn. Youâve fought so hard to help him leave that part of himself behind, and now heâs being forced to wear it like a mask.
You stick close to Bucky, your eyes constantly scanning the crowd for threats. Your hand brushes his occasionally, a silent reassurance. He doesnât speak, but you can see the conflict in his eyes, the way his jaw clenches every time someone looks at him like heâs a weapon.
Zemoâs voice cuts through the noise. âAh, here we are. The Brass Monkey Saloon. Youâll need to put on a show, Soldier.â
Your heart twists at the cold way Zemo refers to him. Soldier. Like Buckyâs nothing more than a tool, a means to an end. You step forward, putting yourself between them.
âWatch yourself,â you snap, your voice low and dangerous.Â
Zemo raises an eyebrow, clearly amused by your protectiveness. âOf course. I merely meant that appearances must be kept."
The atmosphere inside the Brass Monkey Saloon is thick with tension. Zemoâs plan, of course, involves a show of force. Bucky takes on the role, fists flying, and you stand helplessly on the sidelines, watching as he dismantles anyone who stands in your way. You can see the fear in the faces of the crowd, the whispers of âWinter Soldierâ passing between them.
When the chaos finally subsides, Zemo steps forward, calm and collected. âVery convincing, James,â he says, clapping Bucky on the shoulder.
You canât help yourself. âDonât touch him.â
Zemo leads the way to Selbyâs hideout, the plan already set. You, Bucky, and Sam follow close behind, nerves taut. You can feel the weight of everyoneâs eyes on you, recognizing not just the Winter Soldier, but the Huntress.
Inside Selbyâs lair, things unravel faster than you can react. The exchange was supposed to be smoothâget the information on the serum, figure out whoâs behind the Flag Smashers. But Selby, sly and dangerous, catches on too quickly. The words turn heated, tension thick in the air. When the situation escalates, a gunshot rings out, and Selby collapses to the floor.
Everything goes to hell.Â
Selbyâs guards surge forward, the entire operation blown to pieces. You donât even have time to think before the room erupts into chaos, bullets tearing through the air.Â
Bucky grabs your arm, pulling you toward the exit. âWe need to move!â
The narrow alleyways of Madripoor are a maze, and no matter how fast you run, the sound of pursuit is never far behind. Your heart pounds in your chest, adrenaline surging as you push forward, leading the way through the twisting streets.
âI canât run in these heels!â Sam yells, his voice tight with effort as he ducks behind cover.
The sound of gunfire grows louder, and just when it seems like youâre cornered, Sharon Carter appears from the shadows, her expression all business.Â
âYou guys really know how to make an entrance.â
The tension in Sharon Carterâs loft is thick enough to choke on. You canât deny the relief that floods through you at her arrivalâsheâs saved you from the brink more than onceâbut the comfort quickly dissolves the second she opens her mouth. Sharonâs never been one to coddle, and itâs clear sheâs ready to let you know exactly what she thinks about this whole situation.
Her apartment reflects her new life in Madripoor: sleek, stylish, and modern, with a hint of danger lurking beneath the surface. The large windows offer a panoramic view of the chaotic city below, bathed in the neon glow of a world where morality has always been in short supply. Youâre reminded of who Sharon has becomeâthe Power Broker, controlling Madripoorâs criminal underworld from behind the scenes. And yet, sheâs still the woman you fought beside, the woman you trusted implicitly. Your friend.Â
âYouâve made a mess of Madripoor,â Sharon says, leaning casually against the bar, one eyebrow raised as she surveys the room. Her eyes flick between you, Bucky, Sam, and Zemo, her smirk cutting. She takes a slow sip from her glass, her posture relaxed. âYouâre lucky I showed up when I did.â
âYeah, we didnât exactly have time to send out a save-the-date,â Sam mutters, his voice dripping with sarcasm, though you can tell heâs thankful. Sharonâs saved you all from a sticky situationâagain.
Her gaze shifts to you, and that smirk widens, a playful but knowing glint in her eyes. âStill running around with these boys, huh? After everything?â
Thereâs an edge to her words, something that cuts deeper than you expected. Sharonâs always had a way of seeing through you, right to the heart of things. But this time, her words carry an extra weight. You know whatâs coming before she even says it, but it still feels like a punch to the gut when she does.
Her eyes dart to Bucky, whoâs standing tense and silent beside you, his shoulders tight. Then, they come back to you, her lips curling slightly. âYou and Steve were⊠close. And now, here you are, keeping Bucky in check.â She pauses just long enough to make it sting. âSeems like youâve got a type.â
Your stomach twists, and you catch the slight flicker of movement from Bucky, the way his fists clench at his sides. His face remains stoic, but you know him well enough to see the storm brewing underneath. Sharonâs words have struck a nerve.Â
âWhat?â you say, keeping your voice even, though thereâs a sharpness to it. Your heart races, and you try to keep the emotion out of your voice.
"Wow," Bucky mutters dryly, "she's kind of awful now."
Sharon shrugs, feigning casualness, but her eyes gleam with amusement at you. âItâs just⊠interesting. You and Cap. And now Capâs best friend. Two men who canât escape their own shadows. You seem to have a thing for complicated.â
You bite back your immediate retort, but before you can respond, Zemoâbecause of course he has to chime inâspeaks up, lounging against the wall with that smug, knowing look that makes you want to punch him. âAh, the familiar,â he says, voice silky. âItâs natural to seek comfort in something... predictable. But I wonder, how much of this is about James, and how much is simply because he reminds you of your precious Captain Rogers?â
You feel the room go cold, and the weight of Zemoâs words settles like a stone in your chest. The air around Bucky shifts, his calm demeanour fracturing just enough for you to see the tension rippling beneath. His posture stiffens even more, his jaw tight, but he doesnât speak. The silence is worse than anything he could say.
âLeave him out of this,â you snap, your voice barely above a whisper, but the threat is clear. Zemoâs eyes gleam, dark and dangerous, but he raises his hands in mock surrender.
âOf course,â Zemo says, his smile widening. âBut⊠leave who out of it? Which one?â
Sharon watches you closely, her smirk fading slightly as she steps closer. For the first time since she spoke, her gaze softens. She knows youâreally knows you. The unspoken history between you feels heavy in the air. She tilts her head, studying you with a sharpness that youâve come to expect from her.
âCan I have a word?â Sharon asks, her voice quieter now, almost gentle.
You nod, barely noticing the others as Sharon gestures for you to follow her into a more private corner of the apartment, away from the tense stares of Bucky and Zemo. Once youâre out of earshot, Sharon leans against the wall, crossing her arms. The playful glint is still in her eyes, but thereâs a seriousness there too.
âYou know I donât mean to be harsh,â she says, her voice quieter, more personal. âBut you and I... weâve always been able to call it like it is.â
You exhale, your shoulders sagging slightly. âYeah, well, some things are harder to call than others.â
Sharon watches you for a long moment, her gaze searching your face. âItâs been a long time since Steve left. I get it. I do. But you and Bucky...â She trails off, her eyes flicking back toward him. âYouâre not fooling anyone. Least of all me.â
You swallow, unsure how to respond. Youâve spent so long trying to navigate your own emotions, keeping them at bay. But here, it feels impossible to ignore any longer.
Sharon takes a step closer, her expression softening. âHeâs not Steve. And I know you know that. But Buckyâheâs been through hell too. And I see the way you look at him. The way he looks at you.â
Your throat tightens, and for a moment, you canât speak. Sharon does have a way of cutting through the bullshit, of seeing things for what they really are.Â
âIâm notââ you start, but Sharon cuts you off with a small, knowing smile.
âIâm not saying itâs the same as what you had with Steve,â she says. âBut maybe thatâs a good thing. Buckyâs different. And maybe thatâs what you need.â
You glance back toward Bucky, whoâs still standing with his back to you, his shoulders tense, his hands curled into fists at his sides. You can feel the weight of his emotions, the way Zemoâs and Sharonâs comments have hit him harder than heâs letting on. You want to go to him, to tell him itâs okay. That he doesnât have to be Steve. That you donât want him to be.
But thereâs a part of you thatâs still tangled up in the pastâin Steveâs shadow.
Sharon places a hand on your arm, pulling your attention back to her. âListen,â she says, her voice gentle but firm. âWhatever this is with Bucky... donât let it slip away because youâre still holding onto something thatâs gone. Steveâs not coming back. But youâve still got a chanceâwith him.â
You take a deep breath, nodding slightly, but the knot in your chest doesnât loosen. Sharon squeezes your arm, offering a small smile before she steps back, her smirk returning as she glances toward the others.
âAll right,â she says, her voice louder now, more playful. âEnough emotional introspection for one night. Letâs figure out how to get you out of Madripoor before you make an even bigger mess.â
Zemo, lounging against the wall with a glass in his hand, raises an eyebrow as you sit down beside Bucky. He doesnât say anything, but his smirk is enough to get under your skin. Itâs like he can feel the emotional turbulence swirling around you.
Sharon saunters back into the room, her heels clicking against the polished floor, a confident ease in her step. âWell, now that weâve aired out some of that dirty laundry, maybe we can focus on the job at hand?â
Sam, whoâs been uncharacteristically quiet through all of this, gives Sharon a look. âYeah, and maybe we can talk about why you didnât feel the need to mention how deep you are in Madripoorâs criminal scene, huh?â
Sharon doesnât miss a beat, throwing him a cocky grin. âIâm an opportunist, Sam. Madripoor offers a lot of opportunities.â
Sam mutters something under his breath, clearly not satisfied with that answer, but itâs clear Sharon has no intention of explaining herself further. And you donât push her on it either, even though youâre the only one here who knows exactly what her role is in this city. Youâve never questioned her decisions beforeâeveryone has to survive somehowâbut seeing her now, itâs hard not to wonder if sheâs lost herself in the shadows.
âI trust youâll all stay out of trouble until I arrange our next move?â Sharon says, her eyes flicking back to you, a knowing glint in her gaze. Itâs subtle, but you can tell sheâs still watching you closely, assessing everythingâespecially your unspoken bond with Bucky.
Before anyone can respond, she turns and walks out of the room.
After escaping the chaos and making it back to Zemoâs safe house in Riga, the adrenaline finally starts to fade. Itâs well past midnight when you make your way into your designated bedroom. You drop onto the bed, your heart still racing, trying to calm the storm of emotions churning inside you.
Sleep never comes easy to youâa side effect of your chosen life. One of high stakes and adrenaline. A lot more losses than wins, if any of your successful missions can even be considered wins at all.
After an hour of staring up at the ceiling, your eyes tracing the curves of the rosettes, Bucky enters your room, as noiseless as a cat. You raise your head sharply on instinct, but relax as soon as you see his figure. His shoulders are slumped as if the weight of the world rests upon them. He glances at you, and you can see the struggle etched across his face.
âCanât sleep?â you ask, sitting up and patting the space beside you on the bed.
He purses his lips, not saying anything for a moment. After a while, and with a resounding sigh, he settles at the foot of the bed, his back to you.
âWhat you saw back thereâŠâ he starts, his voice low. âThat wasnât me. Iâm not the Winter Soldier anymore.â
âI know,â you say softly, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder soothingly. âIâve always known. Youâre just Bucky.â
âI donât⊠I donât want to ever lose control,â he murmurs, almost to himself.
âYou wonât,â you say firmly, shuffling closer to him. âYou have me.â
Bucky turns halfway, meeting your gaze. âI want to prove to you that Iâm not him,â he says, his voice thick with conviction.Â
Your throat suddenly feels dry. You donât know anymore if heâs referring to the Winter Soldier or Steve. You can tell that Sharonâs comments rattled him. Youâre familiar with her humour, so you know that she didnât mean anything negative by what she said, but Bucky might have easily taken them to heart.
âYou donât have to prove anything to me,â you whisper.Â
His gaze softens, and then heâs leaning in, capturing your lips with his. There is no goddamn way youâre falling asleep now, with the fire heâs igniting within you. You pull him closer, your hands threading through his hair as he deepens the kiss.Â
âAre you sure?â you whisper against his lips, breathless. A roll in the hay at the height of a high-risk mission is not beneath you, especially with someone like Bucky. With these things, a heated release of pent-up tension might be just what you need. But you want to be sure that he needs it too. That he needs you.Â
He nods, eyes searching yours. âI want this. I want you.â
In one fluid motion, he takes your lips again, this kiss softer, more deliberate. He relishes in you, taking his sweet time, his tongue raking the outline of your lips. You melt against him, feeling the warmth of his body pressing against yours, as well as the cool of his left arm wrapping around your torso.Â
âBucky,â you breathe, breaking the kiss momentarily.
âJust Bucky,â he replies, his voice thick with emotion.
He tugs you against him, the two of you moving in a slow, sensual dance. You feel the weight of everythingâthe mission, the past, the chaosâslipping away as you lose yourselves in each other. His hands grip your waist, pulling you closer, as you taste the sweetness of his tongue.
âI want you,â he murmurs against your lips, his voice thick with desire. âI want to show you how much you mean to me.â
You shiver at his words, the sincerity behind them sending a rush of heat coursing through your veins. âThen show me,â you whisper, your heart pounding in your chest.
The world tilts slightly as he lays you back against the soft sheets. He hovers above you, his expression a mix of desire and reverence, as if heâs afraid to touch something so precious.
âYouâre so beautiful, doll,â he breathes, his gaze travelling over you as if memorising every detail, and you suddenly forget how to speak.Â
Youâve never considered yourself meek by any means, always able to stand your ground. The last time youâve actually felt shy, and felt blood rush to your face at the attention of an admirer was withâŠ.
You shake Steve out of your thoughts.
âItâs just me,â you say, mirroring his earlier words.
His lips curve into a soft smile, and you can see the flicker of warmth behind the shadows that often cloud his expression. âJust you is everything,â he replies, his voice dropping to a whisper.
His hands slide under your shirt, fingers brushing against your skin, igniting every nerve ending. The sensation is overwhelming, and you gasp against his mouth, the heat pooling low in your belly.
âSo perfect,â he murmurs, his lips trailing down your neck, kissing a path along your collarbone. Each soft touch leaves a trail of fire, and you canât help but arch into him, your body instinctively seeking more.
âBucky,â you gasp, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him closer as if you can fuse your bodies into one. âPlease.â
His response is immediate. He pushes your shirt up, baring your torso to him, and you feel exposed yet completely alive under his gaze. Then he leans down to press soft kisses along your midriff. The sensation is electric, maddening even, as he drifts ever lower.Â
Bucky lifts his head, meeting your gaze with a burning intensity. âLetâs make this moment last,â he murmurs, his eyes darkening with desire as he shifts his weight, settling between your legs. His hands find the hem of your pants, his fingers grazing your skin as he slowly pushes them down your legs, along with your underwear, revealing you completely to him.
âBucky,â you moan, when he kisses a trail along your inner thigh. âPatience, doll,â he murmurs, his voice a low growl that sends shivers down your spine. You watch him as he continues his exploration, his kisses drifting higher until he reaches your core, and the breath hitches in your throat when he sucks at your aching bud.
The heat builds, swirling around you as he loses himself in you, the world outside fading away completely. You can feel the tension tightening in your belly, a delicious coil that threatens to snap.
âIâm getting close,â you breathe after a long while, the words almost lost amidst a long bout of incoherent moaning. You reach down and roughly push his face into your pussy, wantonly craving more as his tongue laps at your juices.Â
Bucky responds with a growl, his hands gripping your hips as he pushes you closer to the edge. âLet go,â he murmurs, his voice low and filled with desire. âIâve got you.â
With those words, you explode, pleasure crashing over you in waves as you cry out his name. He holds you tightly, a steady anchor as you ride the waves of ecstasy, feeling more alive than ever.
As the pleasure subsides, you gasp for breath, your heart racing as you come down from the high. âYou okay?â Bucky asks, hovering over you and brushing a stray hair from your face.
You nod, your body still buzzing from the aftermath. âBetter than okay,â you reply, a smile creeping across your lips.
He chuckles, the sound resonating deep within his chest, a rich, warm sound that makes your heart swell. For all his worries about falling back into the darkness, you find that he is slowly becoming your source of light.Â
âI want you to know,â he murmurs, his voice softer now, âthat was only the beginning.â
âOh really?â you tease, raising an eyebrow, letting your fingers trace along the contours of his vibranium arm.
âYeah, babydoll,â He grins wolfishly, and youâre glad to see this playful side of him resurfacing.Â
You roll on your side, pressing a playful kiss to his lips. âWell, Iâm all for that.â
He undresses in a haste, his motions careless and frantic that his black shirt gets stuck around his head, earning a giggle from you. His groans are muffled when he protests, âItâs not funny.â
You reach up to help him out of it. âItâs kinda funny.â
When heâs finally free of the confines of cotton, his hair is all mussed. He looks downright adorable that you could just melt at the sight. But then he frees himself of his trousers too, his thick cock bobbing erect from his boxers, the vein running down its side angry and swollen.Â
Heâs not just adorable; heâs sensual, virile, erotic.
And you want him so fucking badly.
But he beats you to that admission. âYou drive me crazy,â he rasps, his hands massaging your sides. âIn the best way possible.â
âI could say the same about you.â Thereâs a teasing glint in your eyes as you lean back slightly, letting your fingers wander down his chest, tracing the solid lines of his body, each muscle taut and inviting. He groans softly at your touch, his head dropping slightly as his control wavers.Â
He positions himself just right, teasing at first, his breath ragged as he enters you slowly, inch by inch. The stretch is exquisite, your body tightening around him as a disjointed gasp escapes your lips. His jaw clenches, eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment as he savours the sensation.
âYou feel so good, doll,â he groans, his voice hoarse with restraint. Thereâs a primal hunger in the way he looks at youâlike heâs claiming you, and that realisation ignites something deep within you.
You meet his thrusts, your hands gripping his back, nails biting into his skin as he starts to move. His rhythm is slow at first, deliberate, as though heâs drawing out every moment of pleasure, letting it pool deep inside you. Each thrust pushes deeper, more intense, as he slams his pelvis into you.
âYouâre mine,â he growls, his voice dripping with possessiveness, his lips brushing against your neck before he bites down softly, enough to make you moan his name.
âFffuck, yes, Buckyââ
âYouâre so tight,â he gasps, his voice thick with need as he watches your reactions, the way your body responds to him. âGod, you feel incredible.â
Before you can respond, he shifts his angle, driving into you harder, deeper. Your knees are pressed together, pointed to one side as he lifts your hips slightly. Every time he ruts into you, he hits that fleshy, sweet spot in your cunt.Â
âYes, Buck!â you gasp. âJust like that.â
âLook at me,â he demands, his voice barely above a growl. âI want you to remember this every time you think of him.â His words are punctuated with a dangerous tinge that almost makes them sound like a threat. A warning.Â
âWant you to fall apart around me, doll. Go on. Cum on me,â he commands. His movements grow frenzied, his body shaking with intense pleasure as he drives his cock mercilessly into your core.
You practically scream out hoarsely, the sound mingling with his as he follows you into bliss, his hot seed filling you completely.
Bucky collapses beside you, panting, and you turn to face him, a blissful smile breaking across your lips.
âThat was fucking incredible,â you whisper.Â
He catches his breath, his fingers trailing along your cheek, his gaze softening. âYou have no idea how much I needed that,â he admits.Â
âI can kind of tell,â you tease lightly.Â
He smiles, a wicked glint in his eyes as he leans in, brushing his lips against yours again. âYouâre amazing.â
You smile back, despite the pang of wistfulness in your heart. Because even as his memory lingers, you can feel yourself falling deeper for Bucky.Â
âThank you,â you say sincerely, âSo are you, Buck.â You take a breath, the words caught in your throat, as you desperately attempt to address whatever it is that needs to be addressed, but he sees the turmoil in your eyes, and gently cradles your face with one hand.
âIâm sorry, I donât⊠I donât knowâŠâ you mumble.Â
âHey,â he says, offering a soft smile, âitâs okay, itâs okay.â You feel hopelessâit should be you consoling him. About whatever this is, and how the memory of Steve continues to complicate everything. Perhaps it always will. But here he is, carrying that burden for the both of you.
He presses a kiss to your forehead, a gesture carrying nothing but tenderness.Â
Maybe even love.
âIâm with you, doll,â he promises. âUntil the end of the line.â
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Some notes in the margins:
I'm kinda rushing through the events of tfatws, but I want to reach a certain point in time for Steve to make his entrance!
Writing this made me really, really feel for Bucky. My allegiance sways every week. I don't know what to do đ«đ„Č
oh, and the header images have been updated to include our Buck! As always, I am keen to know what yous think about this chapter đđđ
#the bolter#steve rogers#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers fanfiction#bucky barnes#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes smut#chris evans#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#chris evans x reader#mcu#the avengers#captain america
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