#HOOOOOO BOI DID THAT TAKE A WHILE TO TYPE

[stayandot8]

Chapter Three, Part Two: Hell's Reign

series summary: this one is a little different than anything else I've written. An AU where the members work in a bar with my MC, no idols among them. It's also going to be on the longer side. The fluffy Chris we know and love is nowhere to be found. He's broodier, moodier, and has jokes up the wazoo. So buckle up, kitties. This one's gonna be good 😏.

inspo: the song by Fall Out Boy.

Genre: i'm not really sure tbh

Relationship type: ???

Important Contents: bar setting, so mentions of alcohol, chris is a lowkey-highkey dick, swearing as usual, 18+, mentions of dr*gs, death of a child, mentions of a g*n (if i miss any, please let me know)

a/n: HOOOOOO BOY, we been waitin on this one for a while, huh. Sorry for those of you who are actually reading this series, the creative process takes a lot out of you, especially when you have no time on your hands. BUT here is the next part, fully finished. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I don't know when the last part will be out, so I guess follow me if you aren't already? If you want to? Anyways... enjoy. :)

WC: 12.9k

Last part l Next Part I masterlist

~

My feet had never been lighter as I followed Minho out of my room and down the stairs. Once I was out of earshot of the slumbering boy upstairs, I let the panic set in.

“Minho?” He was quiet, moving about to find the things he needed. Grabbing a coffee pod and inserting it into the machine while finding a mug. He simply opened the cabinet and grabbed one, completely ignoring the mug with cats on it. That’s when I knew he wasn’t really all there. He shuffled over to place the mug under the machine to catch the coffee and pushed the start button. He didn’t turn around. 

“Minho? “ Nothing. He just stared as the machine whirred to life and the smell of coffee hit me. Awakened my senses. 

“Minho, please.” I hated how my voice sounded, pleading and high-pitched. Like I was about to cry. “Please let me explain.”

“You don’t need to.” His back was starting to piss me off, my desperation turning to anger. I just wished he would turn around and look at me. 

“I feel like I do. Nothing happened. Not last night. He couldn’t sleep, he said Changbin was snoring really loud so he couldn’t-”

“What do you mean ‘not last night’? Has something happened between you before last night?” He finally turned to face me, his features hard. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He was good at that mask of coolness, acting like nothing mattered to him. He was cool as ice, his eyes shuttering closed and giving nothing away. It was like he was trying very hard not to show any emotion. The twitches of his mouth were the only sign I had that he was still breathing. He wanted to say something, he just wasn’t saying it.

I stood there, silent. Watching him and opening and closing my mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing was coming. There was nothing I could do to combat the hurt he unknowingly exposed. I knew that deep down. What I didn’t understand was why he felt hurt. 

His eyes kept flitting between my chin and his cup, steam rising up and disappearing into the air. He would watch it fade from view, then come back to my chin, not willing to look me in the eye. 

“The night before last…” I started, voice barely above a whisper. “He waited for me while I was closing up. We got into an argument and he told me…things. Things I couldn’t…ignore. And he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him.” I said all of this to the floor, my stomach doing flips. 

“Well that makes sense.” Was the only thing he said, but the way he whispered it, I could tell it wasn’t meant for me. I made a mental note to ask him later. All I could focus on now was how he felt right now. 

What I still couldn’t figure out was why I felt like a child getting caught sneaking out in the middle of the night. I hadn’t done anything wrong, so why did I feel such shame and guilt creeping up through my spine, locking my throat? Why was Minho’s gaze so hard to meet? Why did it feel like more than just an older brother being concerned for me? Why wasn’t he saying anything? 

I took a few deep breaths and chanced meeting his eyes, which weren’t on me. They were glued to the view out the window behind me, jaw clenched. He looked strained with the weight of the words he wasn’t saying. Each rise and fall of his chest pushing them deeper and deeper until they hit the bottom, to be locked away. The tension he was creating with the silence grew with every passing minute, becoming tangible. My hands found solace in fiddling with my own cuticles, picking and messing with them in every which way I could. 

“Minho, please.” I repeated. “Say something. Anything. Yell at me, scream at me, hit something, just do something other than stare out the window.” His tongue licked his lips quickly, then returned inside his closed lips. He blinked rapidly, eyes never settling on one place for very long. He swallowed. Loud. 

“I just…” He trailed off. He bit his lower lip for a second before giving me what I wanted this whole time. He looked me straight in my eye and said, “I didn’t know you dated coworkers.” His shoulders sagged, deflated, and his head lowered. He stared back down at his feet, finally finding a spot to land on. He shuffled his slippered feet, crossing one over the other while he leaned on the counter. 

My head reeled. That was the last thing I thought he would say. I said as much. 

He scoffed, but looked up at me expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer to a question he didn’t ask. I let my head fall in confusion. 

“Is that what this is about? Me dating a coworker? I never knew of a rule against that.”

“There isn’t. I don’t care if people date each other in the workplace, as long as it doesn’t affect their work. I just didn’t know you did.”

“But why does that matter?”

He sighed. “It matters.” To me.

I stared at him.  Couldn’t do anything else. The silence in my head was now replaced with a million questions. I had been in front of him this whole time yet I didn’t see him until now. My quiet, stubborn, kind-hearted friend and his quirks all wrapped into this man before me, fighting his better judgment. The inner battle he was losing was evident in his frown lines.

“Minho?”

“I was-” Footsteps up the stairs, heavy and a sound like someone dragging something soft with them. Minho’s eyes went wide again and he turned his back to me, to whoever was coming down the stairs. Felix appeared, a blanket wrapped around himself, his blue hair disheveled and eyes drooping. 

“What- Why are you guys up?”  I glanced at Minho's back and sighed. 

“Nothing. Just too excited to be here I guess. Didn’t sleep much.” Minho said nothing. The tension I was feeling mere moments ago was fleeing, as if it too didn’t want to be a part of this. Part of what, I didn’t understand. I watched Felix move about to start making something for himself, moving around the stationary Minho and completely oblivious in his half-awake state. Clatter of pans and the frying of eggs were the only sounds coming from this room, the ceiling creaking about with the others starting to wake and walk around. I was staring at the marble of the kitchen island, trying to make sense of it all. 

Then it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks.

Space.

I needed space. 

The house was too loud, too crowded for such a large temporary oasis. The open kitchen-to-living room was suddenly too close, pushing in and squeezing any air that was left in the room. It was quickly very hard to breathe. Ragged breaths were all I could manage. 

I felt a hand on the small of my back. Chris appeared out of nowhere at my side, looking very concerned. He searched my eyes for what might be ailing me, but it was all a whirlwind of confusion, anxiousness, and nerves of giving something away before I could tell him myself. 

“I’m… going to get some sea air.” I stood, moving out from Chris’s grip and headed for my shoes by the door. Chris followed me, his basketball shorts swinging with every step and tshirt hanging loose on his torso. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” He said just low enough for me to hear. I shook my head.

“No, it’s fine. I just need some air.” And I left him standing in the door, looking like a puppy being abandoned by its owner. I glanced back as I shut the door and Minho’s eyes were watching me walk out, a similar look reflecting back to me.

*

Even surrounded by the calming aura of the sea, my mind was still reeling. My hands were running mindlessly through the sand, my mind elsewhere occupied. 

Minho had feelings for me. That was all that was bouncing within the walls of my skull, going from one side to the other. 

Minho has feelings for me. Has? Had? It seemed current, ongoing. So many questions were coming to me in between the waves of shock running through me. 

How long has he felt like this? Why say something now? Why didn’t he say anything sooner? He had plenty of opportunities. We’ve only been working together forever. We’ve only known each other all our lives. Why did he never say a word? Or did he show signs and I just never saw them. 

The Minho I knew wasn’t very expressive. Often coming across cold and unfeeling, he was never one that was easy to catch on to until he had already done what he was going to do. He laughed quietly, except when he didn’t. He found no one funnier than himself though. His jokes were the funniest to him. When he wasn’t overwhelmed with work, he actually was one of the funniest people I knew. 

Ah, Minho at work. He got buried too often. Or maybe he buried himself? Oh god, did he bury himself in his work to distract himself from his surroundings? Namely, me? No, there’s no way. He just focuses easily on it. He loves it. Doesn’t he?

Everything was coming too quickly, too fast for me to comprehend. I tried to let the sea drown out the thoughts when two people plopped down beside me in the sand. I knew from the smells of old dough and cologne that it was Felix and Hyunjin. I didn’t bother turning my head from the water. 

They sat with me, silent and following my gaze out into the nothingness. Felix leaned his head on my shoulder, the weight of his head bringing me back down from my thundercloud of thoughts. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The blanket of safety I needed while I had these two friends with me along with the silence. Hyunjin broke it first. 

“You really didn’t know?” 

I snapped my head to him, eyes bewildered. He kept staring straight ahead, either completely oblivious or pointedly ignoring my stare.

“You did?” He nodded.

“We all did. We thought he would die before telling you.” Hyunjin said it slowly, like he was weighing the words on a scale before he used them. 

“And he told everyone but me?” Felix picked his head up before shaking it.

“No, he didn’t tell anyone. We just…picked it up from watching him with you. No one told us. We just know how he is with you versus how he is with other people. He’s softer, less… troublesome with you.”

“I beg to differ, Lix. He gives me all kinds of shit! You guys just don’t see it.”

“Maybe,” he replied “but I would bet you that everyone else would say otherwise.” His deep voice was soft, carefully laying the words at my feet for examination. For the first time since they sat down, I looked at each of them. Hyunjin was cautious, a little apprehensive and bit his bottom lip while he watched me. He met my eyes, giving me an apologetic look. 

“Really?” I said, quiet. He nodded slowly. I sighed and looked to Felix, whose head was still on my shoulder in his version of comfort. He shifted to look at me without moving off my shoulder. His eyes were wide and I have never hated that look more than this moment. I couldn’t say no to him, I would give him anything he wanted. “And what do you want?”

“I want to get this burden off of you. It just seems like it’s a lot for you right now.” 

“You have no idea.” I went back to the ocean, longing to be a simple piece of seaweed just floating in the water. My life would be so simple if I was just another piece of greenery with no feelings, nothing to care about, no one to answer to or listen. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave you to think. Just…” They stood up, brushing the sand off their pants for the walk back. Hunjin had gotten a head start while Felix had started walking backwards, still facing me. “Don’t be out here too long. People” he widened his eyes at me, putting even more emphasis on the word, “will start to worry.” I nodded once, knowing exactly which people he was referring to. I wondered what he was doing through all of this, if he too would join me out here.

Well, I should have known better than to doubt that he would.

The sun was almost straight above me, signaling midday. It was a nice day to be at the beach if you weren’t me. More people had crowded the beach here, enough where there was noise to distract me. Shirtless guys playing volleyball, families laying out on blankets and old sheets, kids playing with their toys and shouting for their parents' attention were all around me. I was watching one particular group of older teens pushing and shoving each other playfully when another presence approached me. 

Minho walked quietly on normal ground, but he was even softer on sand. He mimicked my position, knees up to his chest with his arms circling them. He joined his hands together in nervous wringing as he found what I was watching. 

“They’ll get burned to a crisp.” A puff of air escaped my nose in a chuckle. We watched them run around for a while before my thoughts and questions burst through the dam. 

“How long?” A deep sigh. 

“Almost 10 years.” 

“It started at 15?” I asked incredulously. I saw him nod through the corner of my eye. “How?”

“I couldn’t tell you the exact moment. It was like I woke up one day and realized ‘hey, you’re in love with your best friend.’ Which was immediately followed by a ‘fuck, you’re in love with your best friend.’ And there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing to slow down, nothing to catch me from feeling this way. It was like it was… always there. Just waiting to be tapped alive.” 

I couldn’t believe it. Was I just too naive to realize it? Or was he just that good at hiding it?

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was waiting to see if there was any spark there, anything to tell me that you were into me too. And I was waiting and waiting and waiting. I watched the boyfriends come and go. I watch you flirt with customers. I knew what it looked like when you liked someone, so I looked for those signs. I looked for them with the guys and I didn’t find any. I thought you just didn’t like guys you worked with so I just sat back. I knew I couldn’t let the restaurant go, and there was no way in hell I was firing you so I suffered in silence. I didn’t think that would change. Yet here we are.”

“Here we are.” I was scared to look at him, afraid of the vulnerability I would find. I didn’t think I was ready for it. I had never seen him not be his sarcastic, stubborn, sometimes abrasive self. This was a new side of him I hadn’t been able to see. But I couldn’t help wondering… “What now?”

“Well…” He turned to me, forcing me to finally return that piercing gaze. I was right to be afraid of what I would see. I swallowed hard. “I know you. I know how you think. I know how you are. If you had feelings for me, you would have felt them already.” I tried to protest, the words forming on the tip of my tongue. He held up his hand to stop me. “It’s true and you know it.” That sad smile broke my heart. “Besides, now that you know, if you told me you returned those feelings, I don’t think I would believe you. Not truly. I would think that you were just saying it to ease the blow.” He put his hand on my knee. “We’re fine, I promise. I’ll just need some time to grieve. I don’t want this to turn into some… choice you have to make. Between me and him. It would create drama that we don’t need and honestly, I can’t stand the thought of losing you. So I’m removing myself from the equation. Forget I said anything and let’s just go back to how things were.”

“That’s the thing, Minho. I don’t know if I can. Now I’m going to read into everything you do and wonder if you’re telling me the truth.”

“But I’ve never lied to you.”

“A lie of omission is still a lie.” To that, he was silent. “Exactly.”

“Just give me some time. You’ll see, it’ll be fine.” I turned my eyes to him again. “Do you still want to be my friend?”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Then just give me time. Nothing has to change.” It was my turn to be silent, doubtful of his words. 

I didn’t want to lose him either. I wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come out. He meant the world to me. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t lose him. But now everything he did I would have to look at differently. Reading into every word he said like I would find something there if I looked hard enough. 

“Now, if you’re going to pursue things with Chris, you need to make sure he’s telling you everything. Don’t push it, let him come to you. But make sure he tells you about his family before you two get…serious.”

“We’re not officially together. Not yet.”

“‘Yet’. There’s that word again.”

“What did you mean earlier? When you said ‘it makes sense’?”

“He asked me if I was into you and I never gave him a straight answer. I didn’t deny it outright. Not until later.”

“So he suspected it too? Wow, did everyone know but me?”

“I denied it to everyone who asked. After the first couple times, the others just stopped asking. I figured they had dropped it.”

“They took your denial as just the opposite. Hyunjin just told me that they all knew.” Minho nodded. 

“That makes sense too. They never asked me about it again so I assumed they dropped it.” Hmm.

“Is that why he was so cold towards me in the beginning? Chris?”

“I don’t know for sure. You’ll have to ask him.” I nodded and took in our surroundings one last time for the day. I had already spent too much time here. I needed to talk to Chris. 

We walked back together, not really saying much. I was still processing all that he had said to me. I think he was doing the same, accepting the fate he had resigned himself to. 

Walking up that long driveway, we could see that a figure was sitting on the stairs leading up to the front door. Sounds of splashing and laughter came from the backyard, yells and shrieks from the other boys of laughter and playful shouting. Minho was a few steps behind me, trailing me the whole way. As the figure came more and more into view, Chris had dressed in jean shorts and a white t-shirt with a band I hadn’t heard of. His hat was backwards as he picked at his cuticles and tried to act like he wasn’t waiting for us to come back. When we reached his earshot, his head shot up. He looked confused as to whether he should stand up or not. I stopped just short of him, giving him no indication of what was said over the past few hours. The only thing me and Minho talked about was that I should be the one to talk to Chris about everything. 

Minho walked past me up the steps, giving me a small pat on the back before I sat next to Chris. I picked a spot of rocks on the driveway to focus on, deciding it would be the only thing I look at while I got everything out. I was struggling with how to start, but Chris decided for me. 

“So… What the fuck? What was all that?”

“That… was the culmination of years and years of pining.” I turned to look him in the eye, wanting him to know that I didn’t enjoy this part at all. “He’s been lying to you. He does- did have feelings for me. He never told me or anyone else.” 

“What?”

“Yep. He didn’t even tell me directly. I figured it out. And this was the one time he didn’t deny it.” I turned to fully face him, watching his facial expression turn from confused to slightly angry. “He peeked in my room this morning and saw your arm around me. I wouldn’t have been so concerned but his face when he realized what he was seeing… I never want to see that face again. It was this mixture of sadness and anger and pain that I have never seen before. So I ran after him.

“And that’s when we started talking in the kitchen when we got interrupted by Felix. That was when it clicked. He was talking about not knowing that I dated coworkers and I thought it was weird until he wouldn’t look at me while I was explaining. I think that was the moment it actually clicked for me. He said something about something making sense and when I asked him about it, he said that you asked him if he had feelings for you. He said he denied it. Has denied it every time he’s been asked.”

“I asked him when I realized my own feelings. It was at the same time that I noticed he treated you differently from the rest of the crew. When he denied it, I thought it was because you were friends for so long. It was the only reason I could come up with.”

“So then why did you treat me like I wasn’t worth your time?”

“He just talked about you so much, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It wasn’t until about a month in that it finally clicked. I was fighting it, I didn’t want to fall victim to it too. But that all changed for me when you started training me. I got to see you. I saw what everyone else saw. And I was pissed about it. I had fallen for you and I was fighting it so hard. But you broke down every wall I had built, just by being you.” 

Everyone was dropping so many bombs at my feet today. I hardly had the brain power to process it all. I thought this weekend would be fun, a time for all of us to relax. I didn’t think it would end up like this. Well, why stop the bombs now? I dove in head first.

“Tell me about your family.” Chris’s face hardened from the open and soft glow he had while he was telling me his feelings. From confessing more about how his feelings had come about to being forced to bring up a subject I was sure he wasn’t ready to talk about. He was pushing himself to tell me. I was pushing him, dying to know what Minho thought was important that I should know before he and I moved forward.  

Chris looked at me, apprehensive and wringing his hands just like Minho had earlier today. That particular nervous tick they had in common. They reminded me more and more of each other with every passing day. Chris swallowed hard and looked behind him to the front door to check for any eavesdroppers. Then picked a spot on the gravel in front of him just like I had. And it all came tumbling out.

“You weren’t… far off with your accusation of drug deals. My father was the one who brought me into it. Said he wanted to retire and do his own thing and pass it on to me to take care of everything. He got so caught up with leaving me with the responsibility and teaching me how to do things properly that he slipped up on his boss and he ran my father out of town. I spent the next two years trying to right his wrong and get him back. My mother was devastated. And pregnant with her fourth child.

 “I had two younger brothers. Lucas was close with my sister but the baby, Daniel, wouldn't leave my side no matter where I went. Those pictures you found in that box, those were the ones I took with me before I left. Those are the only pictures we have together. He was the one who understood what I was going through without me telling him. He had a talent for feeling your emotions without you having to say it. He was the sunshine that came out of the shadows of my father running. Daniel was always trying to make Lucas and Hannah laugh every day. He was so young and already wanted to make everyone around him happy. I wanted to take him everywhere, make up for my dad being a piece of shit that ran out on him. And he came along too, just to be a part of it all. I kept him away from that dark part of our life, the life my father thrust on me to take care of them. The problem was the room we shared. Daniel always wondered where I went in the middle of the night without him. He would wake up after I put him to bed and question me until he was out of breath and I got him to go back to sleep again. I was very late to a lot of deals because of him. About three years ago, he followed me to a deal and hid in the corner of the alleyway where no one could see him. I thought I was being careful enough that I wasn’t being tailed. But he was smaller, quicker, could hide easily. Well, the deal took a wrong turn, something about there not being enough for what he paid for. He brought out his ‘backup’ and started shooting, two warning shots off to the side. And I heard the smallest of gasps from behind the shadows.

“I’ll never forget the way his little body collapsed to the ground. It haunts me every night in my dreams. Everyone ran. I found someone on the side of the street to call for help but by the time the ambulance came…” He shook his head, his bottom lip starting to quiver. He drew some calming breaths, fighting the welling I could see coming from him. I could see the anger, the pain of it all in those tears. He was fighting these emotions too.

“That’s how I know Minho. He was in the hospital for his dad in a random town, my town, and he saw me pacing and waiting for my mother. I can’t imagine how I must have looked for him to approach me that night. He said he overheard what I told the nurse and put two and two together since the town we were living in at the time was known for shit like that. I didn’t say anything, didn’t confess or deny it. And then the fucker sat down and he waited. He started telling me this story about how his dream used to be to become a professional dancer. I thought he was fucking nuts, talking to this random guy about his dreams. But what I didn’t know at the time was that he was waiting with me for my family to come so I wouldn’t be alone in a hospital. 

“He gave me a piece of paper with his number on it and told me if I ever needed a way out, to give him a call. I don’t know what he saw in me that day, probably a broken soul with no way to change his circumstances but I couldn’t face my family after what had just happened. I couldn’t… wake up every day in that house, knowing what I had done to them. I didn’t deserve any kindness from them. So I ran too. I left my sister, my brother, and my mother all to deal with the mess of what I had done. I’d been living with friends and friends of friends for years, just trying to make ends meet and keep up with demand until Minho called me again a couple months ago and told me he had a job for me. So I packed up my duffel and hopped on the bus until I got here.”

I was in tears by the time he was done. We both were, as much as he tried to fight it. His breaths were shaky as he tried to regain his composure. 

“What you saw that night was when they caught up to me. I hadn't seen them since. They couldn’t find me, they said. But now they have. I don’t want to fuck this up, I like being here. I don’t want to have to run again.”

Wiping the tears that had fallen, my fingers were now slightly wet. I wasn’t sure how my voice would sound if I were to speak, but I had to ask. 

“Have they come back since?” He swallowed again and kept staring at the ground. I couldn’t help the slight anger that arose. What the fuck.

“It’s not like I wanted them to come. They have people everywhere. I can’t ever get away. I’ll always be dragged back there. Hell, I moved four towns over and they still found me.”

“What do they want from you? Why won’t they leave you alone?”

“He keeps saying I need to pay back my fathers mistakes. More deals I do, the less that I owe. I was hoping that if I made enough here, I could pay them and they would leave, but they haven’t yet. More things keep getting tacked on to the bill and it’s just a never-ending list.” He ran his hands up his face and into his hair and groaned. “If I could be done with it, I would.” He sniffled and wiped his tear-stained face again. 

“Thank you. For telling me.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I had no words for what he just told me and I was trying not to let it show. He started, seemingly surprised to hear me say that. “You haven’t told anyone else that, have you.” Not really a question. 

“I told Minho when I got here. But he’s the only one who knows.” I nodded. “What a way to ruin a romantic trip, huh.”

“It’s not ruined.” I put a hand on his back, trying to reassure him and myself. “Just had a couple wrenches thrown in. But there’s still two more days until we have to go back home. Let’s just…try to enjoy this as much as we can, yeah?” He plucked up his best smile, which came off tighter than what I was used to. His effortless glow was dull now, tired and emotionally exhausted. I had to admit that I was too. 

*

Mini golfing had been Changbin’s idea. Something about showing off another one of his ‘many talents’. All of us rolled our eyes. 

“Ah yes, something else Changbin can hold over our heads for the rest of the trip.” Seungmin had a point. Changbin loved beating us at sports and games and such and then never letting us live it down. Bowling was always his first choice, but we had all talked him out of it, especially since there weren’t really any bowling alleys around this area of town. But what they lacked in bowling alleys, they made up for in other activities. Mini golfing was one of them.

We all piled into the minivan Minho had rented for us. The ride there was filled with all kinds of smack-talk, more yelling and shouting. There was never a moment of peace around here. 

The spot Changbin picked was an outdoor place with a Jungle theme. It had a huge plastic monkey out front that you had to enter under. The open way to the front desk was littered with people who were thinking the same as us; just wanting to get out of the house and do something together. What they didn’t know was how our group handled such activities.

Hyunjin and Felix were “fighting” over who got the blue putter while Minho and Seungmin were mercilessly teasing Changnin about how they would beat him at his own suggestion. Chris had taken Han to find where the staff kept the golf balls, which left myself and Jeongin to meander once we found which putter we wanted to use. I opted for the pink one, of course. 

“Why are they so mean to him sometimes?” Jeongin asked, watching Minho and Seungmin. 

“It’s how they show their love for him. Trust me, he knows. He wouldn’t stand for it if he wasn’t happy. He does the same thing to them, haven’t you noticed?” I was doing my best to pretend everything was normal, like my heart and my mind weren’t constantly going a thousand miles a minute since this afternoon. It wasn’t that I was scared of Chris, it was just that I had no choice but to see him differently now. I never expected him to trust me immediately, I knew it would grow over time. What I wasn’t expecting was the contents of the story. It wasn’t his fault his brother had come along to something he wasn’t supposed to, but he blamed himself anyway. I wasn’t sure if that made him admirable or not. 

“Changbin has tells when something or someone goes too far for him. He’ll shut down almost instantly or be just the opposite of how he normally is.” 

“Kinda like you.” My head snapped up at him, surprise written all over my face, I was sure. Innie had never read me like that. I narrowed my eyes on him. 

“Whatever do you mean, Young One?” He smiled. 

“You’ve been off since this morning. Like something’s bothering you.” I sighed at him. So young, but he was observant. Liked knowing the small details of everything and everyone around him. “What are you hiding? What happened today?” His face held not a trace of insincerity, his eyes focused on me and willing me to tell him the truth. I almost did. 

“Nothing, Innie. Don’t worry, whatever it is will work itself out in the near future. I’m sure of it.”

“Well, if you won’t tell me, then I can at least help you take your mind off of it.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and let me lead the way behind Changbin, who had taken off to the first hole. 

“Whoever gets through first, tell Hyunjin how many hits you had and he’ll write it down. Whoever loses buys dinner. Ultimate winner picks where we eat!” 

Felix went first, not doing too well. 

“It’s because there’s a hill there!” He pouted the three steps over to the next hole while he watched everyone else.

Chris laughed at him along with the others before turning to me to try and catch my eye. He’d been trying since we piled in the van. I wasn’t purposely ignoring him, per say. I just needed more time. He leaned forward and back, trying to move around Han without drawing too much attention to himself. He frowned, and from the corner of my eye, I saw his shoulders go up then down, letting out a sigh. His frustrations weren’t for nothing, I knew I was avoiding him and so did he. I just didn’t know for how long. Once I was sure his back was turned, I chanced a look. His shoulders sagged more than they had since we left. He looked defeated. 

“Ah, so it is him.” Jeongin and his nosy ass… 

“Don’t tell anyone. Please. It’s just very complicated right now and I just need to sort it out on my own.” He shrugged and widened his eyes to look more innocent. 

“I wouldn’t even know what to say. I don’t know what’s going on.” He threw up his hands and followed Felix’s turn. Innie had an untapped affinity for mini golf, it seemed. He got it on the first try, to everyone’s shock and admiration, even his own. 

I went next, although it took me a couple tries, I got it in eventually. 

“Not bad! You did better than me.” Felix said, watching the others before he moved on to the next hole. 

“I think that’s how this whole course is going to go for me.” And I was right. 

Twelve holes later, my name was at the bottom of the list of winners, Han following close behind. ‘I’m no good with sports with balls!’ he insisted again and again. From the looks of the beginning of our adventure, I thought Jeongin would win the entire thing and I would be saved from any extreme expenses. But alas, Seungmin surprised us all. 

“Let’s go to the seafood place we saw down that way.” He pointed down south towards town and we all followed one by one, leaving the van behind since the weather was nice and it was a short walk. Chris decided he’d had enough of my avoidance and finagled his way to my side. 

“Everything okay?” He kept his eyes straight, walking just behind the others in front of me, letting his voice carry on the wind. 

“Not excited about the hundreds of dollars I’m about to spend but I guess.”

“Have you been avoiding me on purpose or by accident?” Ignoring my attempt at a joke, his tone gave away more than he would admit, but I heard the slight embarrassment for even asking. Like he didn’t want to appear insecure for asking a simple question he may already know the answer to. 

“Can we not talk about this here? In front of everyone?”

“Then later tonight? Please?” There was that voice again, that pleading he would never admit to. I had to make up my mind by tonight then, whether to keep things going as they were or to end them now and for good. It seemed like too soon. “I’m not trying to push you, you’re just making me nervous.”

“How about tomorrow night? Before we leave the next day.” It was the best solution I could give him at this moment, while I was still trying to figure myself out. 

“I won’t get an answer tonight anyways, will I.” More of a statement than a question. I shook my head. 

“I don’t have one right now.” Han must have said something funny because the boys ahead of us cracked up and started playfully shoving the boy. They were completely oblivious to the conversation happening behind them and the weight it carried. Minho was smiling at Han and trying not to look at us from the way his body was angled to the side but his eyes were on his friends and the sidewalk ahead of him. 

Chris sighed and kept walking, picking up his pace to leave me behind. I watched them all, all eight of them, together for the rest of the walk. They were a good looking group. They fit with each other really well. Where one lacked, others were there to pick it up. The strengths they played on were just that; strengths. Individually, they were good, but together, they were even better. 

We walked into the restaurant and were greeted by a hostess that couldn’t have been more than seventeen, but her smile made her look older. It was warm and inviting and perfect for her job. 

“How many?” She asked us. Changbin, who was stuck in front of the group, rose to his tiptoes and counted to make sure he was right. 

“Nine.” He replied and the girl counted her menus and led us to a table in the back. The place was semicrowded, just enough to have a stable crowd for this time of day, but not so much as to be too busy to do everything needed. Minho once told me that this meant the place was good, no matter who was cooking.

Once we were all dropped off at our table, the girl started placing menus in front of the chairs to return to her station at the front. Everyone sat in whatever seat they liked while Minho and Chris stared at the last few open seats; one beside me and one diagonally in front of me. When I realized what they were looking at, I quickly sat down and picked up my menu, eager for something else to focus on so I wouldn’t feel pressured to help them with this decision. Chris took the seat beside me while Minho took the other across the table. They both glared at each other for a second before giving a quick nod and picking up their menus.

Felix was seated on my other side and Hyunjin was on his. They were looking at the menu together and whispering to each other. Chris sat himself down carefully beside me, like I might explode if he sat too fast. 

“I seem to have found myself beside you yet again. Funny how we keep seeming to be thrown together like this.” He flipped open his menu. “Like a pattern almost.” He turned the pages without glancing at me, scanning through them top to bottom. I took a deep breath and continued to do the same, wondering why the universe was always playing such jokes on me. 

***

That night the boys decided to initiate a tournament of sorts downstairs in the basement. I opted for the silence of the crow’s nest on top of the house. Staring at the stars again, like so many other nights of years prior, I was looking for clarity. Being alone while being in a house full of people was a strange, yet not uncommon feeling for me. When there was fighting in the house of my childhood, I needed to find an escape elsewhere and the stars were as good a place as any. 

I hated this feeling that was coursing through my veins right now. This feeling of uneasiness was disturbing to my bones. Even when I wasn’t sure where I was going in life, there was always a backup plan in place. Even when it wasn’t solid, I knew I could come up with one if I needed to. But this didn’t feel like that. This felt like I was lined up at the plate, ready to hit a home run only to find out the pitcher wasn’t even there. 

Was Chris’ past something I could look past? Did it even matter? He seemed really torn up about it. I would be too in his shoes. But was that enough to look past how he got here in the first place? The drugs, the trauma, everyone he was involved with, it just seemed like too much. But he felt like a changed man, even if I never knew the old one. It felt as though he wanted to be different, wanted to be better than the boy he left behind. I wondered what sparked that desire for change. I prayed it wasn’t me. I wasn’t sure why.

I never wanted to change him, just to… The truth was I didn’t know. At first, I just wanted him off my back but that was before he became my responsibility. Now he wanted to become more, but before he could do that he needed to stop dealing with those people for his own safety, to stop him from getting hurt and to protect everyone else we had come to care about now. That was before I cared about him as I do now. And before I knew what was behind it all. 

Minho was another situation. He said to give him time. I didn’t want to lose him, but if what he said was true, that I would have felt something for him the way he wanted to, I would have felt it by now. But I didn’t know it was true. I couldn’t tell the difference between what I felt for him now and what I felt before, with the exception of the pang of guilt every time I thought about him. If what I felt now was friendship, then was it true that it was all I was capable of for him? I had never been overwhelmed with the need to kiss him or anything of the sort, but knowing what I know now, would that change? Did it matter if it did? Would it matter to him?

Minho: Where did you go? Felix is asking.

Me: You’re a terrible liar, even over text.

Minho: That’s beside the point. Answer the question.

Me: On the roof. 

“I should’ve known you would find your way up here.” 

“You know I love a roof.” His steps were loud on the wooden staircase, creaking beneath his boot. He found me bundled up in my blanket that I took from my room, feet tucked under me while crouched in the corner. I was sure I looked a mess with my hair tied on top of my head and makeup barely off. 

“That I do.” He sat across from me and mirrored my position sans blanket and looked up at the sky. “How bad was the damage?”

“Nothing a raise won’t fix.” We both smiled. We had always had this easy repertoire between us. I hoped nothing would change that. “I didn’t really get the chance to tell you earlier, but I thought about what you said. I’ve been thinking about it all day. And I don’t want to hurt you further, but I know as much as I wish you weren’t, I wanted to tell you that you’re right. The feelings I have for you and the ones I feel for Chris are different from each other. I don’t mean to drive the stake in deeper, but I just want you to hear it from me first. Minho, I care about you more than I do myself. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I hope you know that.” He nodded, watching my face as I spoke. It was killing him, little by little. But he needed to hear it. “I know you said to give you some time and I will. I just hope your opinions of me don’t change. I love you like family and I always will. You mean too much to me to let you go without a fight.” That made the shoulders slump fully, even though his face was growing into a sad smirk. 

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. I am your boss.” There was that joke to save me from crying. He could always tell, even when I myself couldn’t. “Unless you want to look for a new job…” He was looking up at the sky and making a face like he was actually thinking about it. I took off my slipper and chucked it at him, hitting his knee that was folded into his chest. He looked at the slipper and blinked, like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then he grabbed his leg and started fake-screaming out in pain, falling down to lay on the wood. I rolled my eyes.

“Lee Minho, the other one is coming for you if you don’t stop!” I took it off to show him and his screams dissolved into laughter. That maniacal laughter that he was known for that made anyone stop and give him a look before continuing on their way. I laughed with him until it faded away from our lungs and into the night breeze. He sat up and sighed as he fell back on the railing and scanned me up and down. “What?” I asked softly.

“Chris is just lucky, that’s all.” I blushed and glanced down at my feet. “Hey.” He nudged them, grunting as he reached with his own. “I wasn’t trying to get sympathy.” He stopped. “Well, maybe a little.” He said under his breath. 

I picked up my slipper again.

*

By the time I made my way down to the basement, Chris and Jeongin were the only ones left. Everyone else had gone to bed, or so I was told. They were in a ferocious game of air hockey when I got to the bottom step and I stopped to watch them play a little. Chris seemed like he was better than he was letting on, but Jeongin wasn’t going down without a fight. The score was tied on the digital monitor 6-6. The next point won, and as soon as I realized this fact, Jeongin screamed in satisfaction and glee. 

“YES! Ultimate Champion right here! That’s right!” He did a little dance in a circle, hsaking what little ass he had that made Chris burst into laughter, defeat far from his mind. They heard my laughter coming from behind them and whirled around to see me trying and failing to keep my laughter from being caught. 

“Not so fast there, Innie. You still have one more person to beat.” I sauntered over to the table and pressed reset. Chris seemed happy I was standing near him. Until I hip-checked him and moved him out of the way. “Can’t have you getting in the way.” He looked at the younger boy, who was staring at his paddle like it had grown legs. “Jeongin!” He looked up through his lashes like a kid who’d been caught. “Get the puck, baby boy.” His eyes went wider and his cheeks were red. He grabbed the puck and tossed it onto the table while I grabbed my own paddle. Jeongin was aggressive after he got over the nickname I gave him. Once the blush returned to his neck, his tongue had poked out between his teeth in concentration. He tried, but he was no match.

7-3

Chris was applauding both of our efforts once we were finished. He stood up from his seat on the couch and slowly clapped as he made his way over to me again. 

“I had no idea you were hiding such a talent. But…” He glanced at Jeongin for a second. “I’d like to take a stab at it if I can.” He turned his puppy dog eyes on me, directing the question to me. I swallowed and nodded.

“You can try, but I won’t hold back because it’s you.”

“Oh, my lady, I expect no less.” I raised my eyebrow at him, not expecting the formality. Jeongin cleared his throat.

“I’m going to mourn my title that I had for a total of thirty seconds in my room where people will comfort me.”

“Yeah, Hyunjin might cuddle with you if you ask nicely.” I called after him as he stuck his tongue out at me on his way up. He flashed a quick thumbs up when Chris’ back was turned and I swatted him away. He took off running. 

When I went back to the table, Chris had his hand on his paddle, ready to go. 

“Scared, Sparkles?” I recognized the familiar movie dialogue and smirked to myself. 

“You wish.” He smiled so wide his eyes crinkled into slits. I could barely see the brown I’d become so fond of. While we played, I mulled over my earlier train of thought. The bottom line was: I didn’t know that person. I only knew the one in front of me, getting his assed whooped at air hockey. Whatever mistakes he was running from, he’d removed himself from a place that could’ve gotten himself into somewhere much worse. He left his family behind, everything he had known and came here to make himself a new life at Minho’s offer. And if he could pull himself out of that place, then I could forgive actions that had no bearing on me. As for the family he had left behind, that could be changed. I knew he needed to check in on them, just to hear from them. I was sure they were dying to hear from him if he left with no word. I’d ask him about that later. 

He was keeping up with me point for point. I was right; he was holding back from Jeongin. But I couldn’t figure out why. After I scored my fifth goal, I asked him.

“Because he reminds me of my little brother. It’s actually a little creepy.” It wasn’t a sad memory he was reliving, but one that made him pause to enjoy living through it again. A mournful smile crossed his features before he shook his head and grabbed his paddle again. 

It was nice that he had someone that sparked something he had lost too soon. Anyone who looked in his direction would notice he was carrying a weight on his shoulders that was going to crush him if he didn’t lift it soon. I wondered if I could be the one to help him. 

Two goals later, we were still tied. The next goal would win and after he caught up to me for the sixth time, I saw something spark in his eyes.

“Why don’t we make it interesting?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you bored until now?” I left a lilt to my voice and tilted my head, trying my best to mock him into lowering his defenses. 

“No, I just thought it might be fun.” I squinted. 

“I’ll hear you out, but I don’t agree to anything yet.” He chuckled.

“If you win, I will cook the best meal you’ve ever had. Whatever you want, no matter how complicated, no matter how long it’ll take.” He paused for what I only assumed could be dramatic effect. “But if I win, you kiss me right here, right now.”

I raised my brow in confusion. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade. Why do I get a fancy meal and you get a kiss?”

“To get you to take the deal.” He shrugged innocently. “You have more to gain than to lose. What’s better than that?” I pondered over it. What did I really have to lose here?

“Alright, Puck, you’re on.” I grabbed my paddle with a sudden vigorous grip, I was sure it would break beneath it. Chris lay the hockey puck down and swiped at it so hard it went straight at the wall and bounced so quickly, it landed

in my goal.

Just like that, it was over. In one swipe, our tight match was done with a winner that was not me. I stood still, not being able to move from shock at what just happened while my brain was playing catch-up. I looked down to confirm what I already knew and blinked as the puck stared back at me in the pocket to be retrieved. 

Chris was smiling at me with that cocky smile he had before we had started to play nice. But this time, at least there was no malice behind it, just easy cockiness he had for some unknown reason. The swagger was back. It had been missing since this morning and I hated to admit it, but I missed it. It was an essential piece of him that had grown dull until now. 

“I guess that means I win.” He said under his breath, but loud enough I could still hear him. 

“You planned this.” I leveled him, letting my mind wander with what plan he could have possibly concocted during the day. Was it all a ruse to get closer? Or just some act of the universe for the second time today. Someone is trying to tell me something, I just know it. 

Chris drew closer, dragging his hand across the edge of the table on his way over and not denying a thing. He was walking slowly, like he was waiting for me to say something that would indicate I didn’t want to. He was almost nervous with how tentatively he was creeping along the table. He was watching me to see what I would do, each step drawing closer and closer and he stopped just short of me. We hadn’t been this close like this since the first and only time we had kissed. That fact had popped into my brain as I felt my throat start to close like it does when I know something is coming. I tried to swallow and it came out as more like a gulp. Chris watched my throat go up and down and returned to look me in my eyes. 

I got the feeling he was still waiting for me to say something, to object. And I knew if I did, he would stop and back away and I would regret not doing it. The pang of the truth of that statement hit me and I bit my lip. My heart was beating loudly against my chest, it was a wonder he couldn’t hear it too. He stepped even closer, eyes moving down to my lips. I felt pinned to the ground. I couldn't move if I wanted to. He lifted a hand and lighty gripped my chin to tilt my head slightly up to his. Our eyes met, shortly followed by his lips on mine.

It was like being struck by lightning. Twice, since this was only our second kiss. But this one was intentional. It was full of purpose, yet gentle enough that I could feel the raw emotions he had been holding on to the entire day. A place in his heart he held onto to show just me. He was showing me what it might be like, our relationship. Our first kiss had been rushed, flooded with so many emotions it was hard to choose which one to act on. But this…

Chris moved his hand from chin down to my neck to hold me there while we each drank our fill from the moment. He slowly started tilting his head to deepen our soft and sweet kiss while his hands moved again down my arms to bring them to wrap around his own neck. Once they reached their destination, my own hands had minds of their own. They curled into his hair, feeling his curls threading through them. They were as soft as they were that night. I could see myself running through them when the moon took over the sky. 

Our lips had started to dance when I felt his hands move down to my hips again, the fire leaving a trail on their way down. They started to inch lower and lower, breaking me from my own trance. I broke our lips apart to whisper against his mouth and shook my head.

“Mm mm. Not tonight.” I let my hands slide down his shirt down to his stomach, then drop back to my side. I had to stop it here before I gave in to what I knew would be a mistake here. Not now, not in this place or in this climate between us. That was a conversation we still had to have, but tonight was not the night for it. Chris seemed to understand and brought his hands back.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured.” I shook my head, more aggressively this time to add emphasis to my next words.

“You didn’t, I promise. And trust me, that day will most likely come. But in a house full of our friends? Maybe not.” Chris nodded with a shy grin.

“Right. I forgot they were here for a second.” He looked back up to me and gave me one last grin. “Well, then I guess this is goodnight.” I nodded, feeling the slight tension of what had just occurred rise. I bit my lip again. His eyes drew downwards to it. It was his turn to swallow hard.

“Goodnight, Chris.”

“Goodnight, Sparkles.” 

It was hard not to dream of him.

**

The next morning began with being awoken by Felix leaping into my bed with absolutely no warning. Besides the mild heart attack and the string of expletives that tumbled out of my mouth, I was mainly left with wondering what he was doing. 

“Felix, what the fuck?!”He evaded the question as he continued to laugh at my outburst and rolled off of me. His cackles bounced off my bedroom walls and I slapped his shoulder as hard as I could manage. His cries of laughter turned to those of pain as he held that spot. 

“Why did you hit me so hard?!”

“Because you scared the shit out of me! Why did you do that?!” He was rubbing his shoulder now. “You act more and more like the little brother I don’t have every single day.”

“You definitely do have little brothers, you have like seven.” I rolled my eyes and shoved him out of my bed. 

“What did you even wake me up for?”

“I just wanted to see if there was someone… extra in your bed this morning. I heard he went to bed with a big ass smile on his face last night and I thought he might sneak up here again.” I peeked at him through the corner of my eye as I stood up and walked over to my suitcase to find something to wear for the day’s activities. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

‘Mhmm.” Felix huffed and plastered the most arrogant smirk on his lips. “Seungmin said he wanted everyone downstairs for breakfast. Something about ‘family time,’ I don’t know. But he’s cooking and I was sent to wake everyone up. Would you like to join me?”

“Like we don’t spend almost every waking moment together? Yeah, sure. Let me put some actual clothes on first.” He nodded and exited, rushing down the hall to jump on someone else. I heard a similar scream to mine, only in Jeongin’s voice this time, and knew exactly where he went.

I threw on my shorts and a plain t-shirt and stepped outside my door to see Felix whooshing past me with Hyunjin in tow, his hair a mess and his own t-shirt ruffled. 

“Felix Lee, I’m going to kill you!” Felix’s laughter followed him down the staircase. 

“It’s not my fault you’re so hard to wake up!” His flurry of blue hair disappeared downstairs, running towards the safety of whoever was downstairs. Hyunjin swung around the corner of the wall, his feet stomping down the stairs. 

I slowly made my way behind them, listening for the others that might be up here but hearing nothing, I continued on my way down. Reaching the second floor, I see most of the boys crowded around the kitchen island and drinking coffee. Chris spotted me and smiled brightly, his cup still having steam coming out of it. I sauntered over to him and placed my arm on his shoulder. 

“Morning.” He whispered to me. I smiled down at him and reached across him for his cup. He moved out of the way for me to have a better path and I took a sip while maintaining eye contact. His eyes flickered between mine and the cup I was drinking from, smirking at me. 

“Aren’t we missing someone?” I said to the group.

“Changbin said if anyone woke him up today, they would ‘find themselves missing a limb.’ I would rather not know what he meant by that.” Seungmin responded and brought his cup to his mouth. 

“Hm.” I thought about it for a moment and nudged Chris. “Should we go test his threat?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He threw me a mischievous look and we both scurried off down the staircase to find our missing friend. 

He was not pleased. 

“YAAAHHHHH!!!!” Chris threw himself on top of Changbin, just like how Felix had done to me, and Changbin roared. He sat up swinging, almost knocking Chris straight in the eye. I was a mess on the floor, drowning in my own laughter and unable to breathe. “What was that for?! I could’ve knocked you out!” Chris’ laughter was a melody that sang to my very bones. I was still chuckling to myself, but I had resolved to watch Chris laugh to the side where he had fallen trying to dodge Chngbin’s swing. Watching his face dissolve into pure joy was like watching a flower bloom in Spring; worth the work and the wait. 

With another yell of exasperation, Changbin threw off his blanket and began to chase us both out of the room, through the gaming area, and back up the stairs. Chris and I were screaming with laughter the whole way up until we collapsed on a couch upstairs in a fit of giggles. Changbin had given up, saying ‘you’re lucky I don’t do cardio’ and took the cup of coffee Minho was handing to him. Minho was shaking his head at the two of us with a small smile, and I felt a pang on my heartstrings. I hadn’t forgotten what I had said last night, but it seemed he took it very well and was on the way to accomplishing his goal. Seeing him watch me and Chris didn’t extract that feeling of guilt that I thought would rise to the surface. No, instead he appeared as some father figure watching his children pull a prank, enjoying the show. 

When the laughter died down between the two of us, we both looked at each other, still breathing heavily. There was that moment between us, when you know you shouldn’t but you really really want to. I looked down to his lips, trying to pretend that I hadn’t been dreaming about them since I fell asleep. I was staring, I knew it, but I couldn’t help but feel the ghost of them again, just above me, aching to touch them…

“Who wants to go shopping in town? You know, get some beach stuff and take a group trip down to the water?” Felix, ever the savior. A bunch of them grumbled agreements. I joined in, still watching Chris watching me. 

“Lixie, I think that’s a great idea.” 

“Me too.” Chris echoed me. 

“You guys go ahead and do your shopping, I’m just going to head straight to the sand and pick out the best spot.” 

“I’ll go with you, Seungmin.” Minho piped up from the sink, washing everyone’s cups. 

“Well, I’m going shopping. And so are you Jeongin.” Hyunjin gave a look to the youngest, who widened his eyes and threw up his hands. 

“Well, I’m going with Minho and Seungmin.” Han proclaimed. “I need to work on my tan. I’m so pale right now, I look like a ghost. Hey! Maybe we could go see a haunted house tonight! That would be fun!” Everyone looked at him in surprise, shocked that he would be the one to suggest such a thing. “What?! I just think it would be funny to see everyone scared shitless.”

“I don’t get scared.” Minho said with a brave enough face, I almost believed him.

“Oh please.” I breathed a sigh. “Tell that to your favorite pair of shorts from high school!”

“Hey! You said you would never bring that up again!” He shouted over the kitchen island, fighting a smile. I wasn’t fighting mine and shrugged. 

“What? What happened?” Han eagerly looked my way. Minho leveled a look at me. 

“Don't. You. Dare.” My lips caved into my mouth, fighting the urge. I was almost going to do it until Hyunin called from the doorway. 

“Van leaves in five minutes! If you’re not in it, you’re being left behind!”

**

Hyunjin pulled into a huge shop with shirts with the name of the town in big bold letters on mannequins in the windows. The inside was just as big as the outside with shirts, bottoms, shoes, spare swimsuits, and pool toys scattered everywhere for purchase. We all drifted apart, each going to the sections that sparked our interest. I floated over to the souvenirs shelf that was ladened with shot glasses, car magnets, and keychains. I wandered over to the tower with all of the keychains with every kind of phrase I could think of and got an idea. I sifted through each of them, finding ones that fit each member of my family. Some sort of keychain that had the name of this town on it in the different designs on it that fit with everyone’s personalities, except for one. 

I had watched a movie recently that I was stealing this idea from. And when I found the keychain for Chris that I was looking for, I snatched it up. When I had everything I wanted from this section, I peeked my head up to see where my friends were. Jeongin was easiest to spot in the pool toys section, so I wandered over to see what he was looking at. He had found the box of pool noodles and was picking out which one he wanted to take with him. 

“I like the pink but I think Changbin might steal it once I bring it with us.”

“Why don’t we get one for everyone? And then just start a pool noodle fight?” His eyes lit up and he smiled wide. 

“Yes! I’ll buy them all one!” I chuckled and walked away, watching him try and put nine total pool noodles in his arms and start for the registers up in the front.

I found Chris near the t-shirts. He was shuffling through the black ones and I tried my best to sneak up on him, but he caught me before I could get too close. 

“Do I wear too much black?” It was directed at me, and the answer flew out of my mouth before I could put too much thought behind it. 

“Absolutely.” He frowned and shifted to the brighter colors on the rack behind him. “I think the light blue would look good.” He stopped to look at it closer, and picked it up off the rack to hold it up to his torso. He looked up to me, asking my opinion. “Good enough to steal.” He chuckled.

“Why don’t you get one too and we can match.” His ears turned bright red, followed quickly by his cheeks. “Or not. That sounds pretty lame, doesn’t it.” 

“No, actually. But I’m still stealing yours.” I grabbed one in my size and gave him a quick smirk as I followed Jeongin up to the register

Back in the van, Chris found himself in the back seat with me, giving Felix and Hyunjin the front seats and Jeongin had the middle all to himself. Sifting through our bags before we left to ensure we had everything, Hyunjin was off back to the house to get changed and join the others down by the beach. 

Chris had nudged his way into the seat directly beside me and placed his hand on the seat next to my thigh. 

“So, is today going better than yesterday?” He asked the window facing away from me. Too casually. I didn’t answer. I just took his pinky and wrapped it around my own, and smiled at him. I was noticing I was doing that a lot more now. 

*

Beach day with the boys was ending with movie night with the boys. They piled on top of each other, blankets everywhere and pillows on the floor made a very comfortable place to lay down. It was a nice final night for us all. It was intermittent with moments where I felt like we truly were a family, so close knit that it was hard to imagine my life without seeing them every day. 

We were all spread out, myself, Felix, Hyunjin, Han, and Seungmin on the floor with Minho, Chris, Changbin, and Jeongin on the couch behind us. I was sitting between Jeongin’s legs on the floor in front of him while everyone else settled for their own spaces on blankets. 

Once the movie ended, half the boys were snoring in their spots and heads were lolled out the side. I looked around and saw that most of them had passed out and decided that the night was best ended in my own room. Chris caught my eye as he had drawn the same conclusion. We locked eyes from across the room and he tilted his head in the direction of the stairs. I nodded. 

I followed him down to his own room, his keychain in my pocket that I had just bought earlier weighing in my pocket. Each step had me giddier than the last. I was more sure of myself since the last time I had descended down these stairs, more confident in my next moves. His back was moving through his sleep shirt, the movements making me want to jump on it piggyback style. 

We entered his room, dimly lit by a single lamp on the opposite side of the room. His room was smaller than mine, set with a simple bed and dresser about kids’ height and the closet doors pulled shut. I sat on the bed, my hands in the pockets of my pajama shorts and making sure the chain was still there. 

Chris shut the door behind him and turned to see me sitting on the bed. He looked nervous and started fidgeting with my fingers until he sat on the floor directly in front of me. 

“Why are you sitting on the floor?”

“I don’t know.” He laughed at himself. “I’m scared of making any sudden movements because I’m scared you’ll leave.” 

“And what if I told you I didn’t want to leave? What if I said that I wanted to spend the night with you down here in this tiny child’s bed?” His mouth fell open to speak but he said nothing. Instead he just smiled. “I got something for you today. While we were out shopping.” 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. But for you to get it, I need something from you first.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about gifts with caveats.” He looked at me skeptically, not moving from his place on the floor.

“Haha, very funny. Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask me on this trip? Something important?” He sat there, his brows furrowed for a minute. Then it dawned on him. 

“Are you saying you have an answer?”

“The answer to that question and the question I’m searching for can both be found with this.” I pulled the chain out of my pocket and let it dangle so he could read the word ‘Yes’ written on a seascape background. He watched it and squinted so he could read it. Then his eyes grew wide.

“Really?” He asked quietly, like he couldn’t believe it. I didn’t answer, just looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled. He stared at me for a moment, features frozen in a mix of elation, fear, and something else. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“If you don’t, I’m leaving.” 

He did. 

All night long.

*

The drive back home was as quick as the drive there. We all piled in the same cars we drove up in, Chris and I sneaking each other stupid grins that I was sure the others had to have picked up on. We all decided to meet back at the bar so that everyone could leave at the same time in their own vehicles. Chris and I promised that we would tell Minho together after we had our first date, at which we would be discussing far more things in greater detail. But first, I just wanted to reset myself in my own room back home. 

I pulled my car into the parking lot that I was so familiar with, it was like pulling into my own driveway. Until Chris and I spotted, exactly at the same time, what lay waiting for us upon our return. 

Minho was already standing outside his car while the others stood just behind him, watching and staring. I couldn’t see his face or theirs. Their parked cars were behind them, still running, like they had barely put them into park before they rushed to see what had happened.

There was glass everywhere. I could spot the broken seats and tables from out here, the sun giving enough light to see it all. I threw the car in park and ran to get a closer look for myself, Chris hot on my tail. We both were stepping on glass as we went inside. 

It reeked of alcohol. Like the damage done was fresh. It was like someone had taken a giant hammer to everything within reach. The walls were torn up, pieces of glass broken were everywhere, and left up for everyone to see, were these words written in spray paint behind the bar.

COUNT YOUR DAYS

[light-wolf]

Ok, time for some thoughts regarding yesterday's Nintendo Direct!

Pikmin 4: Nothing too revolutionary, just taking the Pikmin formula and refining/expanding it, like Pikmin 2 and 3 did before it. And honestly, that's not a bad thing! I love the Pikmin games, they're really fun and charming and this one seems to continue that trend. It seems we're getting all the existing Pikmin types in addition to the new Ice Pikmin so that'll be cool. And the new doggo is adorable! I'm really looking forward to this one.

Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective: This is a game that I always wanted to play and never got to do it, so I'm glad to see it ported to the Switch! Maybe this will be the time I actually play it.

Sea of Stars: Absolutely gorgeous and looks really fun as well, taking inspiration from one of my favorite games ever. Apparently it got a demo so I'll probably give that a try. I still need to play The Messenger though...

Game Boy and Game Boy Advance added to Nintendo Switch Online: Finally! And now I actually have the Expansion Pack thanks to a friend so I can get hyped about GBA too. The libraries are a bit limited for the time being but that's to be expected. Looking forward to replaying some of my favorites from that era and also try a few classics for the first time. Although the games I'm most hyped about are the ones that were confirmed to come in the future, like Oracle of Seasons/Ages, Pokémon TCG, Metroid Fusion and of course freaking GOLDEN SUN (yes, I'm ready to replay it for the millionth time).

Metroid Prime Remastered: Okay, I wasn't expecting this one, even though it had been rumored for a while. While I would've liked to see the entire trilogy in one package, the first Prime is arguably the best one and also one of the best games ever made. The remake looks amazing and much more polished than just a simple HD port. Seriously, if you haven't played this game before, give it a try, it's a masterpiece, and this is coming from someone who hates shooters (Metroid Prime isn't really a shooter).

Baten Kaitos I & II Remaster: HOLY SHIT. Another one (two?) that I always wanted to play but didn't get when it first came out before it became impossible to find, and never bothered with trying to emulate. I'd love to give the series a chance on modern hardware.

Professor Layton And The New World of Steam: HOOOOOO BOY!!! This might seriously be my favorite announcement of the Direct, even though they didn't really show us anything! I was a HUGE Layton fan during the DS era and I was so sad that the series kinda just died all of a sudden. I'm honestly so fucking hyped for this! Please be good, please be good, please be good!

Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC Wave 4: The new track looks amazing! Yoshi's Island was one of the defining games from my childhood so this gets me extremely nostalgic. Also Birdo was a nice surprise! I wasn't expecting characters in the pass! While I don't really care about Birdo in particular, this opens the door for more characters so maybe this means I can finally have my boy Diddy Kong again. Please. It's been so long.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom: Honestly I don't have a lot to say about this one. Am I hyped? Absolutely. But we still know so little about this game! What's the story about? How does it differ from BotW? Although, part of me kinda wishes it stays this way. Trailers tend to spoil too much stuff these days, so I'm fine with keeping the surprises for when I actually play the game. Oh, and it's a minor thing, but I hope they bring back Wolf Link and/or a similar mechanic (and not locked to amiibo this time). I just loved exploring Hyrule with a doggo.

Overall a really exciting Direct, and there were also a bunch of other cool announcements that I didn't touch here. Now to work on my backlog so I can play shiny new games without feeling guilty, lol.

[cloudidiot]

ok imma talk about Zeta’s parents becuase i FINALLY figured out what to do with that scar (even though i already had an idea of what to do about it) BUT EITHER IM TIRED BUT I WANNA TALK ABOUT MY CHILD SO LEAVE ME ALONE

so if any of y’all remember that scar on her right hand, i will be explaining how she got it

SO A LITTLE BACKGROUND FOR HER PARENTS: they were demon slayers (OH BOY)

They weren’t leaders of any of the groups but damn thay could kill demons without any help

BUT JUST TO LET YOU GUYS KNOW THEY DID CARE ABOUT THEIR DAUGHTER they just wanted her to be helpful in the future once she was older (ya get me?) SO THEY AREN’T BAD(?) PARENTS

So getting into the details of the scar

The Demons Slayers have problems with the demons that they are fighting (why do you think they always need help?) so they figured that things might be easier for them if they had a demon as one of their allies (do you know where im going with this?) BUT as you probably know DEMONS ARE BIG JERKS TO EVERYONE INCLUDING OTHER DEMONS so they couldn’t get any “real” demon allies. and then one day, they were talking about this and were like “hey! what we just MAKE a demon to help us?” but then they thought “nah we cant do that unless we start with a base to actually MAKE one” then DING! they get the idea of having someone to become a demon. but they couldnt do that so next they thought “we should just give someone a little demon blood so they can have some sort of demon power, but is still human enough to make sure nobody notices!” (sounds crazy i know but everyone in high positions in elgaia are crazy) AND THEN YA KNOW ZETA’S PARENTS COME INTO THIS LITTLE PROBLEM AND WERE LIKE “ Hey i know this might sound crazy and our daughter was born like, a year ago, but what if we gave HER the demon blood?” and then BAM next thing you know is that they inject the demon blood into her right hand and now this tiny baby has just a little demon blood in her. BUT since she was of course still a baby, the leaders of the demon slayers were like “yeah we’ll just take her once she is old enough and has developed her powers to come help us”

so everything is fine, they lived a perfectly normal life a few years UNTIL ONE DAY

while her parents were off fighting demons and stuff, both and i mean BOTH of her parents were killed by the same demon while out on a raid with their team

since Zeta was like 5-6(?) she didnt know what had happen to her parents and was like “hello where are my parents???” and then the leader of her parents team came by her house and told her the news

of course she started crying because not just one but both of her parents were dead and she didnt really know what to do so the leader was like “how about i take you in?” you want to know what this child said to a grown-up that knew that this would be the best choice for a child that just lost their parents???

she said no

NO TO AN ADULT THAT WANTS TO HELP HER OUT

and look she doesn’t know the whole thing about the demon blood and the other reason as to why the demon slayer leader wanted to take her in.

since this guy knew what she had in her he was like “ok then i’ll let you mourn the loss of your parents na then maybe. you can tell me your decision when you’re ready.”

she never told him the final decision and lived in her house alone from that day forward. of course she didnt do EVERYTHING by herself, she got help with food and other adult things that she was too young to do her self but other than that she lived by herself.

Now going into present day (she an adult now yay)

She was just you know minding her own business while sightseeing in Ishgria and yo cut this story short imma just say she was put in a really stressful situation that made her fall off a cliff.

THIS is where the demon blood kicks in.

Right now she is thinking “this is it. im finally gonna die and it is not by the hands of a god or demon” AND THEN WINGS JUST POP OUT OF NO WHERE AND HELP HER GET BACK TO A SAFE PLACE.

now you might be thinking “that’s it?” NOPE

when the wings came out she felt PAIN. AND I MEAN A LOT OF IT TOO. it felt like someone was burning her back or stabbing her back repeatedly. this was very painful for her and she couldn’t handle it so the wings disappeared once she got to a safe place.

since she wanted to know what the hell just happened to her, she went back to Elgaia and asked the one person she thinks that might have the answer to that question. do you know who it is? IT’S GRAHDENS!

she went to ask him if he knew anything thing about the wings that she had just gain knowledge about. and Grahdens, being the smart old man he is AND being one of the people who APPROVED of injecting a person with demon blood, DID know about it and told her what happened MANY MANY years ago. they had a long conversation about that and Zeta finally accepted the fact that she has just a little demon blood in her. now remember this isnt like one of her parents was a demon to make her half demon, she just had enough blood to give her a small amount of demon power to her. one of them being the wings.

SOOO YEAH THAT’S THE REASON AS TO WHY SHE HAS THAT SCAR ON HER HAND

i want to talk more about Zeta right now bit im tired and my hand hurts from typing this out.

[crookedherringcolorclod]

Mukami Brothers: they will never be good fathers. Here’s why! ✨✨ part 2

TW: toxic parenting, emotionally unavailable parents, emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, violence, physical abuse, self-harm on Azusa’s part, and much more.

SAKAMAKI VER

 Ruki

•His methods are identical to Reiji’s but Ruki is blunter with his words.

•He may not be going to give you physical punishments like he does with your mother, but it is still very intimidating whenever he scolds you and demands you to look into his cold blue-grey eyes.

•It’s like he’s trying to pry out all the things you did behind his back even though you can’t even break out of the house without him knowing. You tried once; you were caught by Ruki the moment you were so close to leaving that suffocating mansion, fingers so close to touching the doorknob.

•Also, no, you cannot go out under any circumstances until you have his permission, which he never gives you most of the time. His word is absolute that you can’t even ask your mother for permission, or she’ll get punished as well.

•No, you must go and study. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t covered in school, he’s also going to give you lessons way too advanced for your age and pound that information deep in your still-developing brain. Then he’ll ask you random questions out of the blue, both from school and from his lessons.

•I can hear Reiji taking notes of this for teaching his kids as we speak, savethechildren

•He would scold you for not being able to cram so much information in your young mind while you suffer from information overload. You’re his kid, you should be better than this.

•How can you go on like that? Do you want to end up on the streets as he did?

•This compels you to study hard, out of fear you’ll be left out and that your father would punish you again. You never even had time to even speak a word to your classmates.

•Well, other than “Do please excuse me, I am in the middle of studying” or when some kid decides it would be fun to snatch your book you’d say, “Return my book at once, I won’t ask again”.

•Oh yeah, you talk like that because of Ruki, and you sound like a total asshole.

•This leads to other students picking on you, by mimicking the way you talk in a “nyeh nyeh” kind of voice and how you are too different from them, kids can be cruel. Letting you feel even more isolated.

•Yeah, you might get homeschooled when Ruki finds out what’s going on, you know, instead of helping you confront your bullies and telling this to the principal… yaaaaaaay. (Note my sarcasm)

•He’d probably be the type of parent to judge what kind of content you read, watch, or even look at on the internet.

•You won’t be able to do what you like in peace…

•Ruki will also teach you that humans are beneath you as a vampire.

•How you ask? By using your mother as an example. (Hoooooo boy)

•Will most likely drink her blood in front of you and you will force herself to watch without getting any opportunity to help her.

•If you did manage to stop him from hurting your mother any further, he’d punish you by sending you to your room.

•You won’t be allowed to do anything other than standing. No sitting, reading and blasting music in your ears to numb the pain, and he’s made sure of it by sending in a familiar to watch over you.

  Familiar A: So, what happened this time?

  You: Tried to cook him something as an apology but accidentally burnt the pan…

  Familiar A: That’s rough, buddy

  •You absolutely can’t have pets in his household. Ruki won’t even let you go near a pet shop or find a poor little kitten in the streets. (Yeah, you know what happens if you saw his More Blood play through.)

•He’ll talk about how those stinky pure blood suck and how you and he are far better than them (when both are bad in different ways) (Hypocrites)

  Kou

•I can see him spoiling you with gifts and showering you with affection.

•Then bam!! He’s asking you to do something in return. It seems like a bunch of small tasks in exchange for the lovely gifts he gave you.

•You know like, cooking his favorite meal Vongole Bianco for dinner or cleaning the house up while he’s away for idol work. All that jazz.

•It never seemed to matter to you, you love your dad… well you think you do.

•There have been rare times when you refused his gifts and said you need to do something else.

•Then his personality does a 180 and starts destroying the presents right in front of you as punishment.

• “Why does it matter to you that I destroyed this? It’s mine now! You dare take these things for granted just because I’m nice to you?”

•You don’t even want any of those lavish presents, what you wanted is for Kou to come home more often, to see him smile genuinely. He never granted you that.

•His love is like his perspective of the world, it’s give or take. Transactional.

•There are times where he feels a bit invasive, not in a rummaging in your room kind of way, but like he’s trying to look inside your head. With that damned artificial eye.

•You started learning how to make him stop going any further into your mind, you need privacy after all.

•He always says he loves you, but the public knows nothing about you and your mother.

•Kou always says if his fans still think he’s single it’ll be good for his reputation…

•It doesn’t help he’s always shipped with his pretty co-stars from music collaborations or the gorgeous actresses that he’s cast within different movies, god forbid it to be any music or movie that is romantic …

•It may not be cheating in any way, but you and your mom would flinch at any kiss scene Kou is acting in.

•You’ve also noticed the smiles he flashes whenever he’s being interviewed or acting looks so much like when he’s talking to you. Practiced.

•You stopped watching T.V after that realization.

•You’re practically a dirty secret waiting to be found out, hurting your soul.

•If you have his hair color, his eyes, or both, you need to be in disguise 24/7. Your identity revolves around being an idol’s secret love child.

•You slowly get angrier and angrier, your emotions building up from all the emotional pain you have to go through.

•You want to scream; you want to tear your wig and contact lenses off and scream “I’M KOU MUKAMI’S KID”

•Yet when you confront Kou about it, he just seems so calm about it. Like you weren’t just open about your insecurities and how you just want to leave home. No comfort, no apology, no admitting that he sucks as a dad. N O T H I N G

•He hands you the bag that you packed before the confrontation and said, “Then leave, that’s your plan, right?”. It felt like a freaking mind game.

•That piece of shi-

•You still proceeded with your plans and never returned. With enough money, you learned how to painstakingly save throughout your life because of your father’s shitty spending habits.

•You should have known how conditional his love was.

  Yuma

•Yuma will teach you to grab a hoe.

•What? Wait, no not that kind of hoe. A GARDEN hoe.

•I can see him threaten you to work or no dinner for you for that day. (It’s because you’re a half human half impure vampire, and while you don’t need as much blood, you need to eat human food)

•He’ll talk about how you should work hard and that slackers won’t get anything to eat if they won’t put themselves in any form of work.

•He’ll have you carry sacks of fertilizers, dig up the ground for new crops, and help him carry the crops you harvested that day.

•While Yuma may be able to carry a cow over his shoulder like it’s nothing, you might have to settle with the wheelbarrow that Yuma bought after stubbornly trying to let you carry a sack of potatoes on your shoulder.

•You ended up hurting your shoulder and had no choice but to stop working for at least 2 weeks.

•Yuma might be the type to inflict physical punishment, like hitting you with a broom or just any stick he can find.

•It hurts more than usual with his vampire strength + his natural strength from physical labor. (Random headcanon: he may have also been punished this way whenever he went out with Shu because his parents would get worried whenever he goes into the woods and come back home every night)

•He would be the kind of parent that would barge in your room without bothering to knock, it doesn’t even matter if you lock the door with multiple locks, he either unintentionally removed them or just forced you to remove them in front of him.

•I mean he would try to knock for your sake, although it would feel like your room is shaking.

•The way he would give you advice is quite harsh. It doesn’t help he’s quite loud and starts raising his arms while talking to you. It literally looks like he’s ready to whoop you at any minute.

You: Yes dad, I shouldn’t have dug my fingers in the tomatoes when we were harversti- AAAAAAAA WTF?!! DAD, WATCH YOUR HANDS YOU ALMOST HIT ME!

Yuma: Yeah? Well, you watch your mouth! *proceeds to talk while making strong hand gestures that you need to learn how to dodge*

•You might accidentally call your mother a sow or a swine because that is how Yuma refers to your mother.

•Oops

  Azusa

•You think he’d be a sweetheart, HA THAT’S- actually half right.

•He’s soft-spoken and he would cherish you.

• Sometimes you would crane your head towards his direction so you could hear him better and wait for him to finish talking. It’s sweet.

•Then he starts whipping out his knives. Well, not immediately.

•It was just an ordinary day; you’re spending time with both of your parents.

•Then Azusa suddenly asks you if you want to play with his friends. Since it has been so long since he played with them.

•You said yes and asked where they are. Azusa smiled and said they lived alongside him at one point and asked you another question.

•” Hey… would you… like... to help me… bring them back?” While stroking his arms with a smile.

•Your mother flinches when he said that and starts begging him not to do “that” again, that it has been years since he did “that”.

•Next thing you know he is cutting his arm in front of you, he was cutting it so clumsily the knife kept slipping out his prosthetic arm.

• ‘Twas pure carnage I tell you. I think you fainted at one point when he started to point the bloody knife toward you too. He said it would help you make more friends.

•After that PTSD-worthy incident, he started to cut himself again and tried to convince you and your mom to do the same.

•You ask your mother why she’s not stopping him, insisting both of you should help him.

•Your mother always holds you back from doing so, you asked her why in a fit of rage until she finally spoke up.

•She told you of that day he lost his scarred arm to a silver bullet, he became violent and lashed out at everyone, that even your uncles got hurt. She didn’t want you to witness that.

•You most likely ran away a few months later, not without having mixed emotions about your father.

•From his perspective, he thinks what he’s doing to himself can feel good to others.

•Still, you have most likely developed Aichmophobia (fear of sharp objects), Algophobia (fear of physical pain), and Hemophobia (fear of blood) thanks to Azusa.

•The last one is ironic, isn’t it?

          Author’s Note: Well, well, I thought I never get to outdo Reiji’s part then suddenly inspiration for Kou’s part hit me harder than a truck. I’m sorry if some of them are kind of OOC. Anyway, TUNE IN NEXT TIME ON:

 TW: Death, patricide

Who’s most likely going to die in their child’s hands?

[canumoveurseatup-no]

the art of intimacy

summary: nights alone with tony where there’s no evil to fight always bring the best events.

pairing: tony stark x black!reader 18+

word count: 1.8k

warnings: smut, crying during sex again bc i have a kink for it oops, crude language, body worship, slight choking, squirting, creampie

a/n: i just FUCKING love this gif of tony.

————

“Why does your painting look better than mine?,” Tony looked over at your easel, eyeing your painting and looking back to the Bob Ross video, “They look exactly the same!,”

“Yeah because you don’t listen, instead of midnight blue you used navy,”

“They’re practically the same!!,”

“But you messed up your painting because you couldn’t be patient enough to wait until I was finished using the midnight blue!,”

Tony sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes, turning the tv off despite your protests of wanting to finish your painting.

“Don’t be a baby, Tony,” you crawl over the couch to him and straddle his lap, his white button up fitting big on you, your black bra peaking out and catching his eye.

“Aren’t you glad we have the place to ourselves? Let’s not waste time painting... let’s make... a different type of art,”

You felt his hand grab and squeeze your black panty clad ass cheeks.

“I don’t think my husband would be too fond of that Mr. Stark... he’s expecting me home quite soon,”

He chuckled to himself and kissed your clevage, “I understand, Mrs. Stark... my wife would kill me if she found me in such a compromising.. position,”

He flipped you over on your back and peppered little kisses all over your body. Loving every roll, crease and stretch mark that adorned your skin.

“I guess we better get on with it then huh?,” you ran your hand through his highlight blond hair and he moaned at the feeling of your nails scratching his scalp. God he looked so good with the highlights, it gave him a certain youthful look but he still looked distinguished.

“Can’t rush intimacy, baby. So keep that pretty mouth closed unless it’s making pretty little noises for me, okay?,”

“Yes, baby,” you loved the way your husband squeezed and adored ever bit of flesh you had, whether you liked that area or not. He always made sure to let you know he fucking loves it.

“I still can not believe you’re all mine and have my last name,” kissing up you’re calves up your thigh to your pubic bone to pull your panties to the side, “Still can’t believe I get to have this pretty pussy in my face every night too,”

“You’re so crude” you felt your face get hot at his comment, he loved talking dirty and while you loved it, you felt like you couldn’t match his way with words. You felt like you couldn’t move him like he did you but boy were you wrong.

“You love it, now take those pretty breast out of that bra,” sending a single lick against your clit just to get a taste of you. You push the cups of your bra down and he bit his lip, groaning at the sight of your beautiful dark brown areolas. Like perfect chocolate morsels decorating a cake. He wrapped his lips around one and suckled on them just the way you like it.

Tony was so good at that, that you could cum just from him sucking and nibbling on your nipples.

“Tone,” You whimpered his nickname and arched your back into him, “More, baby, please,”

You felt two fingers being pushed in you and you have an unpopular opinion that the nipple sucking and fingering combo was better than his dick in you a thumb in the butt and you fucking loved that combo.

He switched nipples and fingered you faster and harder making you dig your heels in the couch. You looked down and saw him already eyeing you.

“You look so good all strung out from feeling good,”

“You’re my drug, what can I s-say?,”

You were soaking his fingered and he kissed all over your breasts before watching his fingered pump in and out of you, “You’re always such a good girl, getting all wet for me like this all the time,” going back to sucking your nipples, sucked harder, nibbled harder, finger fucked you harder, you were rolling your hips into his fingers, so close already.

“Tony dont stop!!,”

“I’m not stopping, baby. Cum for me,” his tongue flicked your hardened nipples and you saw the way they glistened from his mouth. He opened his mouth wider, sucking your whole areola into his mouth, tugging at the little hardened nubs.

“Gonna cum, gonna cum,” your breath fans his forehead and hearing your breath shutter because of him had him going harder.

“Yes yes yes! Huuuuuuuhh, fuck!,” your thighs trembled and your head rested back against the arm rest of the couch.

“You ready for me baby? Or you want me to keep going like this?,”

You wipe your forehead and sigh happily, “Ready for you, wanna feel you,”

His fingers withdrew from you with a sloppy wet pop and he hummed at the noise, sucking his fingers free of your flavor, a flavor he would never get sick of.

“Hold on tight to something, baby. I’m diving straight in and not letting up, you hear me?,”

You just give a nod and earn yourself a slap on the clit, jolting you out of your post orgasmic state, “y-yes I hear you, bab- hoooooo God,”

He sheathed himself completely deep inside of you, filling you up to the hilt, “Move, please. Wanna feel you,”

He brace himself on the arm of the chair before rolling his hips into you, eyes squeezing shut at the feeling of you clenching around him.

“Never get sick of this pussy taking me in, fuck, baby,”

You couldn’t form words, his thrusts sending tingles down to the tips of your toes.

“Harder, harder, harder!,” you begged and he obliged. Heavy panting and intoxicating skin slapping filled the room and looking up into his eyes overwhelmed every nerve in your body making tears sting your eyes, “Fuck, I love you,”

He watched the way your lips trembled and kissed them gently, he loved overwhelming you like this, you were so easy to boil over.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you grabbed his face and made sure he didn’t look away from you, “you fuck me so good, treat me so good, I love you,”

He kisses your tears away, tasting the salt on his lips, “I love you so much baby. You’re all mine, taking my dick so good, fuck baby”

He fell back and pulled you into his lap, sitting you right on his dick, “Ride me, wanna see that pretty belly jiggle with those breasts,” Tony loved the hell out of your stomach. Always made sure to show you love there knowing it was an area you didn’t think the fondest of.

You placed your hands on his chest and began moving your ass up and down, feeling a wave of confidence surge through your veins at the loud moan he sent out into the thick air

“Ride that dick baby, just like that,” his hands roamed all over your body, squeezing every and loving every roll on you, tracing every stretch mark with the pad of his thumbs. He loved every bit of you, you were more beautiful than any Bob Ross painting.

“I love you so much,” your eyes rolled in your head as more tears fell, your cries mixing in with your moans. Tony loved to see it. While anyone’s crying spouse during sex would concern them, it was a normal thing for Tony and he always made it his task to make you cry, as bad as it sounds. Tony had a love for overwhelming your heart, body and mind and you crying meant it he was doing all of that at once and it felt so good. You felt so loved and cared for, for reasons past sex. You and him hadn’t had much time to yourselves with the kids needing more attention and him being needed more st the compound.

Now it was just you and him.

“I love you more,” he placed your face in his hands and pulled you closer to him to plant a kiss on your waiting lips. He planted his feet on the white leather sofa and fucked himself up into you, smiling to himself when you broke from the kiss to nearly scream out for him.

“You’re gonna cum for me again, aren’t you?,”

One hand wrapped around your throat and he gritted his teeth as he watched you gasp and felt your walks clench around him.

“Gonna come around my dick, baby?,” he caressed your face with the other hand while squeezing your throat harder, “Answer me, baby. I know it feels good but you gotta be good and answer me,”

“Y-yeees yes yes yes,” you gasp and clenched your eyes shut, “Gonna cum, gonna cum for you. Make me cum baby, please,

And he does, makes you cum so hard you’re gushing in his lap and onto the sofa. Feeling the rush of your orgasm triggers his and he stiffens, bucking his hips into you, giving you every last drop of his seed. He loved coming in you, especially since you were on birth control now to avoid having another kid for a while. Even if it wasn’t 100%, he loved doing it anyway and you loved to feel him dripping down your thighs.

He pulls out and watches your pussy leaks his seed right back onto his dick before he pushes you back and pushes his fingers into you.

“Oh my God, Tony!!,”

You didn’t want to protest and let him know how overly sensitive you were so you just succumb to the phenomenal feeling of his fingers fucking you, despite your juices mixed with his getting all over his fingers. Tony wasn’t one to shy away from it.

“Gimme one more,”

It didn’t take long, especially with him suckling on your nipples, it never failed, that combo was heaven sent.

“Tony! Baby, fuck,” your fingers tugged at his roots and your body convulsed as wave after wave crashed down on your body. He pulled his fingers away from you, this time giving you a taste.

“So greedy and pretty, look at you getting every drop,”

God you loved the way he talked to you. He let you catch your breath while he kissed all over your belly and thighs, not even trying to initiate a rise out of you, just appreciating you.

“You’re better than any Bob Ross painting,”

“You’re so corny,” you wanted to hide away from him but he wouldn’t let you. Instead he took your hands and kissed your palms.

“But you love it,”

His eyes were so gentle as they traced every feature on your face and you couldn’t help the heat that creeped up your neck and to your face. You loved this man so much.

“You’re right... I sure do,”

———————

i’m sorry it’s short. i just needed to her more tony love out.

PLEASE REBLOG AND COMMENT!!

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @retroxvailles @yournonlocalpoc @dumbchick @warmchick @here-for-your-bullshit @hisxblackxqueen @valentinevirgo @valkyriesnymph @valynsia @vozit @veryhellshdia @chonisberonica @kamahriii @crawlingnightmares @xye-weirdo @spideys-wife

[incorrect-nozaki-kun]

Oikawa is so drama, he might as well help out woth the drama club. Also let's face it wherever shittykawa goes Iwa chan does as well, muscles for heavy props. I feel Iwa chan and Hori will develop a sense of comrade from dealing with their respective headaches

Hooooo boy I have an idea

So Oikawa heard about the drama club through the grape vine and was like umm yes please?

So he lowkey begged Hinata and Kageyama to bring him to it

This was before the wonder duo got their theater privileges revoked mind you

And Oikawa brings Iwaizumi bc he’s his babysitter let’s be real here

So this CHAOTIC MESS of people roll up to the doors to the drama club and Hinata pushes the door open

Onto Hori who was trying to pull the door open at the same time

Hori’s a pretty sturdy guy but a surprise door to the face especially heavy theater doors he’s going down

So Hori’s first meeting with Oikawa was when he hovered over him while he tried to get his bearings back

And Oikawa, being himself, kiiiiinda put his foot in his mouth

“Hinata! You can’t just hit people with doors! Especially not cute first years like this guy ;)”

Hoooooo boy that was a MISTAKE

Hori gets up and into Oikawa’s space, blood dripping from his nose and just SEETHING

“First of all I am a third year. Second do not call me cute. And third who the HELL are you and why are you barging into my theater?”

“Sorry about Shittykawa he’s an idiot. We’re friends of Hinata’s. My name is Iwaizume Hajime”

THIS is why they brought Iwa

“Aww Iwa Chan is so mean! I’m not an idiot! I was simply trying to help this cutie out! I apologize for thinking you’re a first year, but in my defense you’re as small as Hinata!”

Aaaaaaand there he goes again

Doesn’t matter that people are starting to arrive for set build Hori’s got a mission and it’s to kill Oikawa

Tsukishima and Suga ended up arriving at the theater a few minutes later to see Hori, still bleeding mind you, being held back by Kashima as he attempts to get to Oikawa who is hiding being Iwa

Suga Snapchat’s the video to Chiyo

Cue the rest of the Mangang BOOKING IT to the theater

It eventually ended with Nozaki physically picking Hori up, dropping him into Tsukki’s arms, and directing him to the nurses office

Hori only let this happen bc of blood loss exhaustion let’s be real here

So Tsukki takes Hori to the nurse and the rest can still here him cursing Oikawa out

Iwa has Oikawa by the collar dragging behind him as he apologises to Kashima

“It’s okay. Hori senpai kind of has a temper. But it’s nice to meet you!”

Kashima is a sunshine we don’t deserve her

Oikawa and Iwa ended up hanging around for a little while

Turns out Iwa is weirdly good at woodwork? Where the hell did he get this skill?

And he enjoys Kashima’s company weirdly enough

She’s an idiot but a different type of idiot from Oikawa so it’s refreshing

Plus his general aura scares away most of the fangirls so work actually gets done

Oikawa got banished to one corner of the room

“Don’t move shittykawa”

“Awww Iwa Chan don’t put me in time out :(“

“Shut up”

So Oikawa isn’t allowed near the sets but you know what he can do?

Be a menace

You know who is unlucky enough to gain the attention of menaces?

Nozaki

Oikawa sits down beside him and Nozaki IMMIDIETLY wants to leave but he’s also intrigued by this loud idiot

He lets him ramble about his volleyball achievements and realizes this guy has all the pride and confidence that Mikorin PRETENDS to have

So he’s gonna use this to his advantage

He makes Oikawa pose for drawing references which Oikawa LOVES

Someone wants to draw him? Great!

Granted he still doesn’t shut up but he’s in one place and that’s all Iwa can ask for at this point

Kashima and Iwa exchange numbers bc hey if Iwaizume wants to come back to the drama club and help out again he totally can!

“I don’t like saying people can’t come to the theater, but maybe if...’Kawa was his name? If you bring him let me know so I can get Hori out of the building haha.”

Iwa just nods and grabs Oikawa to go home

Eventually Oikawa and Hori will (begrudgingly on Hori’s end) get along and talk about theater and playwriting and leading a group but for a little while those two need to be physically separated

[lizziebennet]

Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado: 

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS: 

((in no particular order)) 

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo 

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS:  this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much. 

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.”  THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD. 

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was,  brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP  AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them. 

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him. 

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!! 

[rufeepeach]

I'm extremely interested on your thoughts on Ace-spectrum Rumple. Please share?

Hoooooo damn this got long, sorry!

To start with, I think there’s two distinct people living in Rumpelstiltskin’s body: Spinner!Rumple, and Dark One!Rumple. At their zenith, compare pre-Dark One Rumple, to the Dark One image Emma saw in 5A. At any different moment, Rumpelstiltskin exists on a spectrum between those extremes. I would argue that in essence, those are two completely separate identities, but they make up one person. That’s not to say there’s no overlap - they are mutually constitutive at this point, and my hope is that Rumple’s happy ending will allow him to reconstitute his identity to take the best of both - the DO’s confidence, Spinner’s kindness, etc. 

Those two entities are constantly merging and parting, and have a lot of complex similarities and differences. It’s made more complicated and profound by the way that Dark One!Rumple is both its own exterior force that existed for centuries before Rumple took it on, and a mask that Rumple chooses to wear for specific purposes. So there’s an ambiguity as to how far they’re separate entities, and how far Rumple thinks of himself as the Spinner possessed, or as the Spinner overcoming the darkness, or as the Dark One in the Spinner’s body, or as the monster the Spinner became. 

So anyway, I would apply that logic to Rumple’s sexuality. Spinner Rumple, in my opinion is demisexual and demiromantic. His desire is for intimacy, not for the physical sex act or for an explicitly romantic connection. By comparison, Dark One Rumple is heterosexual, and aromantic. These two identities overlap in really interesting ways throughout the series. 

Going chronologically, we know next to nothing about the beginnings of his marriage to Milah, but there’s no evidence he was ever in love with her. In fact, the one real moment of connection they ever seem to have, is in Manhattan, when Rumple gets his conscription notice and they agree that with the money and honour he’ll earn in battle, they can have a family. So for me, Rumple’s marriage to Milah was socially expected, and a means of building a family. He was poor, he was known as the abandoned son of a coward and a cheat, and we know the most vital thing to Rumpelstiltskin is always family. However, we never see any romantic or sexual connection between them. The one kiss they share is Milah manipulating him into going darker and stabbing a man to save their son - a bleak foreshadow of what is to come, when Rumple takes on the DO. Tellingly, all that shows on Rumple’s face after the kiss is surprise, and resignation that he’ll do as she wants. Any positive reaction we can put down to a cycle of abuse whereby he over-values any approval from Milah, in response to years at this point of consistent emotional and psychological abuse. Every argument he ever makes about their marriage and how it ended is on Bae’s behalf. Therefore, I’d characterise any desire he had for Milah to be desire for family and acceptance rather than sexual or romantic.

Next up: Cora, and hooooo boy do we see a change! I would honestly categorise Cora as the Dark One’s True Love, at least for Rumple’s incarnation. It’s so interesting to me that she’s so much like Milah. She’s tough, dark-haired, biting and smart and ambitious. She left her child because her ambitions, her future, were more important than her motherhood. She’s drawn to power, to manliness, and look at Rumple’s presentation to her: in a very real sense, he’s playing his own twisted take on Killian Jones. He swaggers, he preens, he offers power and violence, and then they have sex. The Dark One is drawn to her sexuality, to her lust for power and the power she will one day have, and is the one having sex with her the first night they meet. He’s the one snarling about breaking veins with his teeth and forcing people to kneel. 

The Spinner - in the moments we see him with Cora, which are rare - is seeking a romantic and familial connection. But he only emerges once he’s formed a connection with Cora - they’re both born poor, they’re both seeking security, and they both want a child. That’s where the Cora/Milah parallel is so obvious: the Dark One wants to fuck her, maybe even loves her in his own dark, destructive, twisted way, but it’s a partners in crime deal, and it’s about Cora herself. The Spinner, however, seeks what he knows, a pattern of connection he’s been missing since Milah stopped being his partner and became his abuser. He’s seeking family and intimacy, and believes that if he keeps being the person Milah Cora wants him to be, he can have the life he wanted before he ran from the war, and fix his perceived past mistakes. He’s the one who accepts her changed deal so readily, wanting his own child. 

That’s where the ambiguity about how mutually constitutive or separate the two identities are from each other. There’s an element of the Spinner playing the Dark One in order to end his loneliness with a human connection. There’s also a genuine element of the Dark One desiring and loving Cora independent of the Spinner. Ultimately, the Dark One is the one fucking Cora, but the Spinner is the one who’s left broken at the end of it.

Belle is... Belle is the Dark One’s downfall. Every moment they’re together, she’s peeling back those scales to find the Spinner within. I don’t need to write a whole lot more on the Belle point because it’s just damn obvious. I honestly think she’s the one example we have of the Spinner feeling genuine sexual and romantic desire and attraction. She’s his emotional connection, his light, the person he loves in every way and wants every sort of intimacy with. She’s also the very first woman he’s ever met and had a relationship with who wanted him to be more like the good, kind Spinner everyone else hated, and rejects the darkness Milah and Cora both approved of.

When we get to Lacey, we see a direct reversal of what happened with Cora. The Dark One is attracted to Lacey, but Lacey shows up when the Dark One is at his weakest in Rumple’s personality because Neal is around and (until very recently) he and Belle had a very good relationship. The Spinner tries to save Belle on their date, and discovers that Lacey is Belle’s opposite: Lacey wants the Dark One, and thinks the Spinner is a pushover. So the Spinner stands aside and lets the Dark One take over for a while - so much so that the Dark One ends up offending and upsetting Neal, putting that relationship in jeopardy, when they beat up Whale. The Spinner re-emerges to wake Belle up at the end of the series, and the moment Belle is back there’s not a scale in sight.

Finally, we gotta discuss 6A and the Evil Queen. Also known as: We’re All stuck On A Burning Character Assassination Train-Wreck Full Of Semi-Incest, Adultery and Spousal Abuse 2016. Now, we have 4A, where the Dark One comes out to cover the Spinner, who is traumatised, PTSD’d, and grieving. We have 5A, where the Dark One is gone and the Spinner has to forge his own identity. However, those two are fairly irrelevant to Rumple’s (a)sexuality, so: 6A. 6A is the purest Dark One we’ve ever seen. The Spinner was defeated when Belle left him at the wishing well in 5A, and since then has decided that the Dark One can protect him from ever being hurt again. That defeat is compounded when, in a moment of vulnerability, the Spinner creeps out in the dream to appeal to Belle to come home, only to be denied again. The last time we see the Spinner, is the scene with the tape - ‘sleep well my bairnie, sleep’. 

So the Spinner does what he did in 4A: he recoils from the pain, and lets the Dark One persona take over, even more thoroughly than ever before. The Dark One persona cuts his hair, and pursues their mutual aim in any way he can: getting access to his child. He sleeps with the Evil Queen, who’s basically a carbon-copy of Cora for the new millennium, for the same reasons: the Spinner is lonely, and the Dark One wants to partner up (sexually and otherwise) with a powerful dark sorceress who enjoys his power and darkness. The Spinner would never have gone near the Evil Queen, but she’s exactly the Dark One’s type. That’s where I see a clear disconnect between the Spinner’s demisexuality (whereby Belle is the only person he ever wants to be intimate with), and the Dark One’s hyper-heterosexuality (willing to fuck any dark-haired, dark-hearted woman who’s willing: see Cora, Lacey, and EQ).

And then, as always, the moment he’s reunited with a Belle who might be willing to listen and reunite, the Spinner re-emerges, and his devotion is clear.

Tl;dr, I think Spinner!Rumple is demi and Dark One!Rumple is hyper-hetero. I think the Spinner!Rumple is probably the more authentic Rumpelstiltskin - what with being the original, and seeming to have the last word on the direction he actually goes in. However, the Dark One has its own distinct set of desires (all of them vicious, kinky, and sexual), and they come out to play around a particular type of woman, when Belle isn’t around to keep the Spinner at the fore. 

[sqrzos]

92 Statements Tag

thanks to @vangoghs-flowerss for tagging me, love you friend!

Rules: Answer the 92 Statements + tag 20 people.

Last:

1. Drink: Homemade iced tea 2. Phone call: to my dad, to see if he knew where a couple books were 3. Text message: my friend, answering and asking questions right now because this reminded me to text back 4. Song you listened to: Uh, something from Ceremonials by Florence + The Machine (not sure which song, I had a playlist on and all I remember is that it was Florence and not Hozier) 5. Time you cried: Oooh boy it’s actually been like, a week, maybe more

Have you:

6. Dated someone twice: HaH you’re funny. no. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. Been cheated on: I do not qualify my one experience with someone as a relationship, therefore he could not have cheated 9. Lost someone special: Yup, if family counts  10. Been depressed: Hoooooo boy am I ever 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope.

List 3 favorite colors: 

12-14. Green, blue, and purple (pretty much any shade of them)

In the last year have you:

15. Made new friends: Yep! 16. Fallen out of love: I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in it. 17. Laughed until you cried: No, but I have laughed until it hurt 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Not in the dramatic sense, no 19. Met someone who changed you: Honestly I don’t know. Do dogs count? 20. Found out your real friends: Nah, that happened in grade nine 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Don’t have facebook

General:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: Don’t have facebook 23. Do you have any pets: Yes! Popper, a grouchy bearded dragon and Jackson, an over enthusiastic shepherd/rottweiler/unknown mix 24. Do you want to change your name: Nope! I like my current one pretty well, though some are definitely prettier 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Tried to go to mandarin with friends, couldn’t get a table despite having a reservation, and walked to panera instead. 26. what time did you wake up: 7:30 am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: being in the first stages of sleep 28. Name something you can’t wait for: The next episodes of Teen Wolf, and the premier of The Bright Sessions season 4 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: when I was six, or this afternoon (birth mom vs step mom) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d like to have stable mental health and a plan for the future please? 31. What are you listening to rn: the click of Popper’s timer for his lights, and the sound of my dad and brother in the house 32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yep, my cousin 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: I have a slight headache right now and also persistent homophobia, racism, xenophobia, and other societal intolerances 34. Most visited websites: Tumblr and youtube, according to Chrome 35. Elementary: Yup, hated it 36. High school: Currently- it’s better than elementary but still not perfect 37. University: Listen man I have no plans for the future 38. Hair color: Medium brown 39. Long or short hair: Longish? I’d like if it was like, ‘Cheryl Blossom’ long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: other than recurring pangs when I look at old crushes, no 41. What do you like about yourself: My humour 42. Piercings: Just regular lobe piercings 43. Blood type: I have no idea 44. Nickname: Amy, Ames, or, when I was really little, Boo or Stumpy 45. Relationship status: Single  46. Zodiac: aquarius 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite tv show: Hooo boy I have bad taste. Teen Wolf and Supernatural, despite consistent issues regarding treatment of ‘minority’ characters (even though ‘minority’ is a bad concept cause it alienates ppl who aren’t ‘normal’ plus they outnumber the people who qualify as a ‘majority’). I just fall in love with characters and continue watching because I care about them! I can’t help it! 49. Tattoos: nope, but if I got any I’d get this one really small someday, plus the symbol my mom had tattooed that contains my name and a heart

First

51. Surgery: to cut back the thingy under my tongue cause I couldn’t eat as a baby 52. Hair dyed In different color: actually never dyed my hair. I’m too scared to bleach it and I feel like having it go darker would look bad on me 53. Sport: other than in gym class? Uhh horseback riding or swimming? Does swimming lessons that I sucked at count? 54. Vacation: There are photos of me in newfoundland when I was tiny? Idk if that was my first though 55. Pair of trainers: I have no idea man

More general

56. Eating: I had hash browns (I call them potato thingies so that might not be what they actually are) 57. Drinking: Again, either iced tea or water 58. I’m about to go: nowhere, I don’t leave my house unless I have to 59. Waiting for: Teen Wolf to come on so I can PATIENTLY wait to see my Hales 60. Want: mental stability, a billion dollars, and to be friends with some of the people I look up to (youtubers mostly) 61. Get married: Honestly maybe. Idk, that’s a long way off. 62. Career: Hoooooo boy I have no idea. I like learning how things are connected- maybe something about science, language, or history? 63. Favorite artist: Jazza from Draw With Jazza (I forget his real name but he’s a really fun guy) and all my friends who make art 64. Place you want to travel to: Ireland cause there’s old, pretty places. I heard something about norway having gorgeous forests?New Zealand is also gorgeous... And ofc Germany to meet my friendo @vangoghs-flowerss and also because it’s apparently really heckin pretty? From what I saw?  65. Favorite subject: Art cause I’ve got friends in that class, and history. Idk, any class is fascinating with the right teacher.

Which is better

66. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. I don’t like the feel of kisses much, and hugs are great and comforting as long as I have an escape route. 67. Lips or eyes: Eyes tbh 68. shorter or taller: Are we talking about me? I want to be tall so I can be an elven warrior, but if we’re talking about my preferences for others I don’t care 69. Older or younger: For a partner? I guess a little older so that I don’t have to be the mature one. Assistance in life would be great 70. nice arms or nice stomach: All stomachs are nice stomachs so I’m gonna say arms. 71. Sensitive or loud: Honestly sensitive for me and a partner. They can be loud sometimes, but I need someone who’d listen too. 72. hookup or relationship: Relationship. I might be ace sooooo... 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Like, both? In moderation? Neither totally complacent nor boring and stiff. Idk, I like having fun but I dislike bringing people to emergency rooms

Have you ever 74. kissed a stranger: Not even close 75. Drank hard liquor: What qualifies? I think the fact I have to ask means it’s a no 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: No, but I have broken them. 77. Turned someone down: Yes, but only after panicking, saying yes, then regretting it and admitting I don’t like them (this happened twice. Twice!) 78. sex on the first date: I’ve never even been on a date you’re overestimating how attractive I am here 79. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t think so? I hope not?  80. Had your heart broken: I’m a teenager I’ve never been in a serious relationship 81. Been arrested: Jesus christ no 82. Cried when someone died: No, even though both my mother and grandfather have died. My mom’s, I was too young to understand properly, and my grandfather, I wasn’t there and wasn’t really close to 83. fallen for a friend: Again, never been in love, but not really? I’ve thought about dating p much everyone but never really wanted to. It’s more of a ‘what if’ thing.

Do you believe in:

84. yourself: sometimes, rarely 85. Miracles: honestly? not really, unless you mean the everyday kind 86. Love at first sight: tbh sometimes. It takes effort to maintain though. 87. Santa Claus: cover your kid’s ears, folks...................no 88. Kiss in the first date: maybe. Depends how it went, and the context of the kiss (goodnight/goodbye cheek kiss? sure. random kiss while on the date? probably not.) 89. Angels: honestly maybe? I feel like if they do exist, they don’t interact with humans Other

90. current best friends name: Uhhhh I have a bunch and at least a couple would kill me if I didn’t pick them so... Amanda, Sia, and Lorena 91. Eye color: grey-green-bluish 92. Favorite movie: Don’t make me pick between The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, I can’t do it.

I tag : @disturbingpeopleismylife, @beriala ,,, I have no other friends on Tumblr other than my friend who tagged me in this