#HOLY WOW JEEPERS

[joffyworld]

CRYPTID THIS IS STUNNING!!!!!

height differences

check out my comms!

[shitpost-it-tristan]

Yall think felix had that party outfit planned out in advance? Like homie did a whole montage trying shit on and looked in the mirror Like this

"Oh yeah, definitely this one! Not to toot my own horn but this is pretty fly for a fix-it guy!"

THAT- that is a WHOLE look. Felix out here, thinking "Golly, I look mighty fine, if I do say so m'self!" Confident that he looks SO snazzy with those top buttons undone and feeling (flustered-) rebellious, giggling cause "oh jeepers, I'm not even wearing my undershirt!" Prepare yourself guys, lil homies almost got his collarbone out💀 (lil guy from the victorian era LMAO)

But do yall SEE those... ✨️shiney✨️pants?? Im trying so hard to figure out what material that is, and holy shit, RUBBER is all I can come up with. (Edit: those are disco pants, and im SOBBING because its polyester and spandex)

Wow.. that 80s sweater vest sure is... somethin' 😬

Cant forget the hat! Im convinced he wears it to bed, or he wears nightcap with the same logo.

Hc: The nicelanders gather up to share conspiracy theories about why he always wears gloves and come up with two.

1. his hands are always cold

2. He's not wearing them, they are his hands-

I feel so bad, laughing because guys. He walked into the room and thought "I ate and left no crumbs"

[eflen-n-reegee]

Field Trip to the Field Museum II - Members Night (Chicago, IL)

Hi! I went to the museum members night way back in April, and I’ve been meaning to write this ever since; and I finally got around to it! As with the first part, this is a self-insert imagine fic where the reader is an age regresser and the author is their caregiver. All pictures were taken by me (with permission from museum staff to post online). Also, heads up, this includes pictures of dinosaur bones, taxidermied animals, deceased animals in preservatives, LOTS of mounted insects and bugs (ya gal Eflen loves bugs), and a brief instance of anxiety. (Long story short, I have OCD and bumping into some people upset me IRL, and I decided to incorporate it.) Also under the cut ‘cause it’s long. 😆

You excited, kiddo? We’re gonna get to see some pretty cool stuff, things we wouldn’t normally get to see! This is gonna be so fun! Oh, look at this, sweetheart. There are table all over the museum with cool little pins. Wanna see how many we can find? Alrighty! Let’s go in!

Ooh, look! Such a cool little dinosaur- you’re right, it’s a stegosaurs! You’re pretty smart, aren’t you, pumpkin?

Watch your fingers, sweetie, the crab might pinch them! You’re right, this one’s dead… But maybe I’m a crab! Pinch! Oh, you’re too big for that kind of stuff? Sorry kiddo, I’ll try to remember.

Oh, check out this thing! Know what it is? A giant isopod? So freaking cool. Do you know if they bite? I’d like to hold one!

Pretty great view, huh? Look, they’ve got a t-Rex puppet down there! We’ll try to see it up close later.

Holy cow! So people found out a while ago that platypuses glow under UV light, but they only found out recently that other animals do too! And even crazier? Scientists still don’t know why! Nature is nuts.

So there’s some kinda creepy stuff in here- Okay, okay, I got it. Just let me know if it’s too much, okay?

Whoa… So these animals were mutants for some reason… No, I don’t think anybody knows for sure why things like this happen.

Some animals can live really good lives, even with these kind of issues.  But yeah, it’s a bummer when they don’t make it.

Jeez, it’s busy in here. Careful not to bump the bones, kiddo. Oh wow, look at this one! Came from a ground sloth… Can you believe how big they used to be?

Wow, look at these teeth! I wish I could take this one home, teeth are so cool.

Jeepers, what a skull…

Hey, what’s going on? Okay, deep breaths, sweetheart, deep breaths… Let’s go out in the hallway, okay?

Here, it’s quiet over here, you can sit down if you want- okay, you don’t have to. Can you tell me what’s wrong? Yeah, that room was pretty crowded, huh? I know you don’t like when people bump into you… What do you think will help you feel better? Yeah, when we get home you can take a bath- a shower, no problem. Is there anything else- No, sweetheart, I don’t think you’re being a baby. Everybody gets upset sometimes, and everybody cries sometimes. You’re still a big kid as long as you say you are. Okay? There you go. How about we take a break from the new stuff to look at the dinosaurs? Alright.

Looks like they brought a few new things in here… These bones are pretty cool, huh? I love how the gray and white looks. Why do you think it looks like that?

There’s a crowd around the table over here… Oh, it’s because they have pins. Do you want to wait here a second and I’ll get you a pin? No, I don’t mind. Okay, be back in a second.

So, how’re you feeling? Want to look at some of the stuff upstairs? Okay.

Oh, they’re talking about lichen in here- It’s not BORING! Look how cool these antlers look! You’d think they were tree branches if you didn’t know better.

Well, you can think what you like, but I think lichen is cool. … No, kiddo, I’m not angry. I’m just being silly. People like different things sometimes, it’s no big deal.

Oh, I didn’t know the museum had a library! No, they probably only have books about history and biology. But it’s always cool to see some new books, especially old books like that one, or- Oh!

Look at THIS! This book must be four feet across - at least! It’s massive! I’d love to look through the whole thing. What kinds of things would someone put in a book this big?

Oh, cool! They have a room just for bugs? Awesome! I wonder what ki- Walking sticks?! Oh my gosh, I didn’t know there were ones with wings!

Look how leafy that one is! Or… No, it’s not a real leaf. I thought maybe they stuck one in there to trick people.

Oh wow! Look how big these spiders are! I know some people are scared of them, but I think they’re amazing. And I’ve held a tarantula before - they’re very soft little critters.

Hm, I’m not sure I’d want to wear jewelry with bugs on it. That’s a little too much for me… I guess it works for other people, though, so it’s fine.

Oh my gosh, look at them! I wonder if bugs like these are where people got the idea of fairies. The one with the purple wings would definitely look like a fairy princess if you saw it from far away.

That reminds me, next year the seventeen-year cicada will be coming back to our area. They live underground for seventeen years, spend a couple weeks singing and laying eggs, and then they all die. Wild.

Ooh, some of these guys are creepy. I like scorpions, but they do scare me a little - and that’s good, since they can be dangerous. It’s smart to be at least a little afraid of dangerous things.

Holy cow, this big one looks like an owl! Yeah, if I’M getting freaked out, I bet all the predators are terrified.

Look at all the legs- Hey, I saw that! No, it was definitely a yawn. You getting tired? Yeah, I’m tired too. We’d better head out.

So, did you have a nice time? I’m glad. How’re you feeling? Yeah, you can still take a shower, no problem. Do you want to nap in the car and I’ll wake you when we get home? Okay.

Alright, all clean and ready for bed. Yeah, you got a pretty sweet set of buttons, huh? We’ll get some more for the collection next year.

~🦀~🦕~🫙~🦥~🦬~🐪~😢~🪵~📚~🕷️~💍~🦗~🦂~🌃~

[nanyoky]

AWWW YEAH KIDS. I am HYPED. I woke up stupidly early for zero reason, Infinity War trailer came out, I talked to my leasing agent, steamed some tablecloths at work, came home, shotgunned one on an empty stomach and now i’m READY WITH SUSHI AND CIDER

oh my god we have a fucking saw/blair witch/every shitty horror movie from the 90s and 00s “this is REAL people” intro i’ve only had one piece of sushi i’m not PREPARED for this

i’m assuming these pairs are all just people who have just boned. bughead. varchie. josyle. ....mackler?

jughead’s like “don’t blame yourself babe let me offer emotional comfort in this trying time” and betty’s just “shut up i’m solving a MYSTERY.”

((this is the exact point i paused to jump over to tumblr and type that last i’d like to thank not only god but jesus))

he just called her poirot they definitely banged. changing from cute nicknames that imply your gf is a fresh faced young lady detective to “lol babe you’re such a mustachioed old man” is def one of those comfortable, intimate signs you’ve touched each other’s business 

me, @ penny’s bangs: you again

“messed up that pretty face of his” fp jones was the town bicycle and worked his way through literally everyone in his age demographic before 30, confirmed

jughead is such a sweet bean. so sweet. such a bean. fully realizes that violence is a regular part of his dad’s life. has experienced some of this violence himself (the gauntlet). still spirals into a panic at hearing his dad got beat up.

penny peabody is the shadiest person on this show and that is SAYING something. she is just- LOVING the powertrip. she LIVES for this. jughead- wide eyed, panicked, offering all he has and anything else she can think of- her black little heart is beating out a samba

i can’t fucking WAIT to find out that fp is fine and hasn’t been hassled one bit but the goulies in jail and penny just came up with this story for the  LEVERAGE

cheryl pushes her way between jarchie with josie in her wake because they have gay things to do that require the full span of the hallway

there is a CHAIN on this box

archie’s fantasy for their future is the gayest thing i’ve ever heard is he about to propose

“where are betty and veronica in this?” because jughead knows he’s about to get a marraige proposal and fully intends to say yes but doesn’t want the core four to get weird. “they’re roommates” because archie supports beronica

of course the tire goes out and the old guy from every horror flick of the 80s pulls over to offer some folksy yet sinister help

“you’re not seriously going to go with this guy alone, are you?” archie keeps whiplashing from “pretty but dumb” to “only person with any fucking sense in this town” so fast i have a headache

“you’ve come this far. we’re all good. okay?” oh my god. oh my god. jughead is REASSURING archie that he hasn’t failed him in this favor. now. as he is about to drive off into the night with ol man smithers who definitely has a suspicious amount of rope and knives in his glovebox. this what he takes the time to communicate. i am feeling DELICATE.

“don’t look under that tarp boy” DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY?? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY??? DON’T LOOK UNDER THAT TARP BOY????

YASSSSSS. what did i say a few months ago huh??? what did i say? i said “god i hope season 2 doesn’t abandon the mega creepy trend of people comparing archie to jason.” and lo. the creepy dude on the road delivers. my savior.

oh fuck me sideways was that the title card i’ve been drinking on an empty stomach don’t judge me

there is so much about this episode that’s giving me a heavy Jeepers Creepers vibe

jesus christ riverdale has had MULTIPLE SERIAL KILLERS in this guys lifespan. the town with pep. has had two serial killers. currently has two active gangs. HOW MANY PEOPLE EVEN LIVE HERE?!

whut the fuck why is archie seeing good trip bambi

honestly jughead i feel like if someone says “don’t look under that tarp boy” and you’re SURPRISED when you see blood leaking out of the tarp at least like 20% of this is on you

i feel like jughead probably went from “oh phew it’s a deer” to “nope definitely a sicko” in the second it took for this guy to assure him that his hunting does not make him comparable to a serial killer

jughead perks up at “slaughtered family” because he’s read in cold blood 50 times and can’t wait to bring it up again

archie came back for his boi i’m so proud right now my heart is so full

teh crate says “wiscatonic ((as in whiskey-tonic)) university via h.p. lovecraft” and “polar expedition january 13 1923″ because this show loves me and wants me to be happy

PENNY IS MAKING A POWER GRAB WITH THE KING IN JAIL HELP I’M SO ALIVE

great soundtrack choice

these boys are just being so TENDER rn this is what i signed up for i need to lie down

fucking told you fp’s fine

“or raise your voice to me ever again” HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. PENNY. FUCKING PEABODY.

“fp made me a promise he didn’t keep” oh my goodness. oh my golly. oh my goshdarnit.

JOSIE SIDEPLOT

again it’s really hard to remember that these characters are kids cuz none of the actors look like teenagers but a mom being like “honey there is a serial killer on the loose and yo’re the mayor’s daughter can you maybe not go walking alone after dark” is a pretty fucking reasonable request. get a walking buddy jos come on.

oh yes that is not a remotely sinister gift tag “i’ll be watching you” is a totally normal harmless crush thing to say

“are you the one putting things in my locker” “well i can be” “ew.” ICONIC EXCHANGE.

“i don’t date” yes my love for josie just increased

“Chuck asked me out” “im assuming you said no” “of course.” “good because our wedding is next year and i’ve already got way too many deposits out”

no the supporting cats are back only to break things off with alpha kitty nooooo

oof chuck’s turnin a new leaf OR IS HE

also this begs an interesting question about loyalties because clearly josie is all about supporting other women, and season one cheryl is very much okay with aligning herself with season one chuck, but cheryl and josie are very tight from day one so do they talk about these kinds of things? did season one cheryl downplay her combativeness and full ability to step on every woman around herself to lift herself up around josie because she wanted kisses?  i need answers.

okay so chuck is trying to be a better person and i guess this is sweet but last episode i was half committed to hitching my wagon to josie/reggie???? what am i supposed to do now?! i’m not fickle! but this is getting more time and development and i’m so tired of fighting the tides of canon. my life is HARD okay guys.

“You’re in here doing THE TWIST” this woman deserves an oscar for saying that with a straight face

okay but WHY keep this from people. unless she’s getting further communication. unless she’s being threatened. GOD I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE BEING TOLD TO HUSH UP BUT WE’RE NOT SEEING IT ON SCREEN I CAN’T WAIT IF THAT GETS REVEALED

josie has the exact same hairdo three days in a row because it’s the same SUBPLOT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE A DAMNED SHOULDER PAD PENNY IS THAT YOU

OMG PARALLEL PLOTS THAT’S WHAT’S GOING ON WOW I’M DRUNK THAT TOOK ME AWHILE TO CATCH UP

okay so now cheryl is all about condemning misogyny- i mean it makes sense with her season 2 subplot but like kinda some 180 here no?

like why why is she so quick to say it’s him when it doesn’t fit. what gain. other than a smokescreen because she’s being threatened by the real perpetrator to throw suspicion I AM SO TIRED BUT I NEED ANSWERS

“there’s no evidence” “well keep looking” mayor mackers is such a sleeper shady person in this town

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK CHERYL

CHERYL CHERYL CHERYL

WHAT THE FUCK

Kevin: “my dad’s been acting shady” beronica: “SUSPECT. TUMBLR WAS RIGHT.”

“he’s the black hood” “he’s having an affair” “Maybe he’s having an affair AND he’s the black hood” JESUS CHRIST

oh no what are you going to do veronica please don’t try to seduce your friends dad i don’t think i can handle that

sheriff k seems REAL ready to share details of an ongoing investigation with the school newspaper. maybe betty has just worn him down

KEVIN IS A CLOSET TABLETOP NERD HELP ME I NEED TO KNOW MORE HOW DID HE GET INTO THIS DO HE AND BETTY PLAY THIS DID HE MAKE JOAQUIN PLAY THIS I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE

why is THIS the comedic subplot of the episode i mean i love it but HONESTLY!?

oh god please don’t tell me these are sex grunts stop grunting sheriff k

he is so uncomfortable veronica stop

OOOOOOHHHHHHH kevin’s mom is miliatary. gotcha. that had been nagging at me.

oh frick oh dang. it’s too early in the season for this but DANG SHERIFF K GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO

“i’m in. for kevin’s sake. and also to keep you in check” every friendgroup needs a veronica I desperately need a veronica

oh god no this is a trainwreck betty stop this

FUCKIN CALLED IT  MACKLER SAILS YASS

GAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Episode Scorecard:

# of sick beat drop editing sequences: none that i counted- nice use of retro tho.

do i still miss joaquin: yes. even moreso now that i’m reminded of the missed opportunity of he and the sheriff meeting. can you fucking imagine how awkward? IMAGINE IT. also i miss polly. either bring them back or write me a fic where they’re chillin together safe from harm.

episode hair mvp: Melody’s confrontation afro

episode outfit mvp: cheryl’s very bisexual romper. honorable mention to veronica’s very veronica pjs

cast and crew mvp: editing. some really nice throwbacks and genre motifs as well as use of comedic editing style. it all felt natural too which is hard to pull off. well done in the cutting room. also whoever made the stamps for that drug crate. and gave the shady truck dude that hat.

[thewitchofstjohns]

Holy jeepers WOW 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

punklock/tattoolock commission made for queersherlockian 

I loved working on it! :D

[inevitably-johnlocked]

UHM so there’s been a sudden uptick in my old-assed art being reblogged from @stephdrawsjohnlock and holy shit thank you so much @221booksinthetardis and @havetardiswilltimetravel for starting it??? And then subsequently everyone then reblogging them??? Wow I really needed a pick me up and the tags that these reblogs are generating are making me so happy and cry??? Thank you, jeepers holy cow.

[thebestpartofthetrip]

yinz won’t believe this

the Tel Aviv move is on hold!!!! if i stay here i can get published as an undergrad and go to a big conference, this is huge holy mojo

[dawnie1988]

' You had heard about the Winchester’s before, hell, they were the Olsen sisters of the hunting world. '

Ok, that is for sure the first time I've ever seen that conparrison, and it is for sure my new favorite reference to them!

Jeepers, this whole, what was thankfully just a nasty dream, was creepy and fear inducing.

' Hell, after saving our asses when we first met, you made a pretty big impression on us. Now, you’re family,” '

The way you characterize Dean in this section is so amazingly spot on. He's such a carer and comforter at heart, but as we all know much too well, he's also not the best at getting his words across. That duality is portrayed so well here with him trying to get her to open up. The fact that he referred to her as family? With the weight and responsibility that carries in his eyes? Phss. Shut up. I'm totally not crying!

' So instead…he sold my soul.” '

Like.......

I'm not the smartest person around at all, by any means, but my brain literally can't even compute the fucked up-ness of all of that! Just.......wow.

' “What…what did you just say?” he asked nervously. '

...........oh no, please don't. Please, please pleeeaaassseeee don't tell me.......

' “Y/N, they told me after my 39th year in Hell that I might become “Test Subject #002,” holy shit you were Test Subject #001,” '

Oh my god, that's such a relief!

I thought for sure for a second there he was gonna be one of the ones torturing her. Whew! That scareded me!

' “Why the fuck would I ever tell you to stop,” you replied exasperated. '

One of the best questions I've ever seen posed!

This was really great. Again, the way you write your Dean and so expertly capture one of his best qualities, the nurturer within him, is just stunning and you can feel his comfort seeping through the screen. And the way they were able to bond and deepen their connection by learning they share this same painful issue/memory was such a great touch. I very much enjoyed this ❤

Nightmares

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: After running away from your past for so long, you meet up with the Winchesters. Can a certain green eyed hunter get you to finally open up about your past and bring feelings you never felt before into the light?

A/N: This is my second fic I have ever written and my first Female POV as well. I hope you all enjoy!

Huge shoutout to @winchest09 for helping beta this fic, I love you!!

You have been hunting with the Winchester’s for a while now. After working the same case on a wendigo hunt, and having to save their asses, they asked you to join them at the bunker. You had heard about the Winchester’s before, hell, they were the Olsen sisters of the hunting world. However, you had never worked well with others in the past so they had to do a bit of convincing to get you to come along. Hunting solo would have eventually gotten you killed anyways so you decided that partnering up with them couldn’t hurt. Of course, that was the only reason for your decision, not because of a certain hunter with eyes greener than any field, a jawline that could probably slice through vibranium, and lips that could stop traffic. No, it was simply because hunting solo is getting more dangerous. Which isn’t a complete lie, supernatural activity was growing more and more recently. When you first arrived at the bunker you were at a loss for words, the war room was humongous and the library was filled with books that you had never even heard of. 

The door was suddenly slammed open and a man wheeling a cart came in. Your vision was groggy at first but when your eyes adjusted you noticed the many knives, saws, and other trinkets on the cart. 

Keep reading

[thegreatcanadianpenis]

Awkward Humanity Part 1

Note to Reader: writing happens in a certain mood or moment. This means that when your reading is happening, I am likely to be in a different mood than the one portrayed in any particular piece of writing. This is what makes writing a cathartic activity.

What do you say to somebody?...when they are experiencing a life circumstance that would typically be described as ‘’tragic’’ ie. when something in life goes ‘’wrong’’?

I guess you just do your best.

I have definitely expressed a desire for people to ‘’stay strong’’, ‘’keep positive’’, ‘’you’ll get through this’’, but now that I’m on the receiving end of this type of support, it actually feels like weight....Oh great, I have to get rid of thinking ‘’what’s next’’ because I can’t expectations because there’s no telling how this is going pan out AND I have be strong, positive and confident?

Wait, being positive, strong and confident are good things? NO, YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT? 

Aren’t we moving out of an extended era of emotional repression? Isn’t it some kind of repression that contributed to tumour being birthed in the first place? Ok be fair, repression + pesticides. 

Ahhhh, lighten up Sethy.....People are kind enough to actually offer support, and it’s just not good enough eh? Jeepers, at least people are saying SOMETHING....because a lot of people won’t say anything, because they can’t or don’t want to, which is also fine because who has the energy to deal with so many people in life, generally? (just found another silver lining, god I love spin).

I quite like exclamations. Like the ‘’wow, ok’’. A good ‘’holy shit’’ never fails (it can be used for so much). Life changes, this we know. And yet we are continually surprised by the unexpected. 

Even a simple ‘’ok’’ is great; it shows the listener is accepting what’s being expressed. That’s more than enough. And it’s not imposing any emotional state on me while I’m putting energy into coping and evolving at my own pace. 

I don’t know about you, but I definitely prefer questions to presumption. The nicest questions seem to come from people who have been through periods of physical distress & repair, or are close to people who have. I guess that’s the value of first-hand experience, as well as just practice (which is inherently awkward, because, well, learning).

Should your lovely offering of support seem to be met with aggravation, annoyance or frustration, or met with a non-response ie. silence, well, it wasn’t about you in the first place, was it :) 

[survey1000]

70. Rule your mind, or it will rule you.

How old were you ten years ago? On Friday it’ll be 10, holy fuck ...

The last time you went out to eat, where did you go?: Pizza Delight

What did you order?: Panzerotti

Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character?: Jeepers Creepers, and I don’t really have a favorite

Do you use Twitter? How about Tumblr?: Not Twitter, and yes, I obviously use Tumblr.

What colour are the walls of the room you’re in?: Beige

What would you like to say to the last person that hurt you?: I’m not sure who that is.

Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her.: Oh wow, I don’t think I do.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts?: I can barely remember 5 minutes ago lol

Have you received any compliments today?: Yeah

Describe one of your favourite items of clothing. Where did you get it?: Don’t have one

Name one of your favourite foods that starts with the letter A.: Apples

Is there anyone from your past that you sometimes miss? There’s a few

How long have you known the last person you text messaged?: Almost 15 years

Do you know what the person you miss is doing at this moment?: Hopefully they’re feeling a lot better than how they were on Earth <3

Has anyone told you that they love you today?: Yeah

In the last week, what’s the kindest thing that someone has done for you?: Buy me food.

Is there a song that makes you cry every time you hear it?: Yeah there’s a few

If someone read your mind right now, what would they hear?: A lot

Do you have any favourite jewelry that you wear every day?: My ring.

What colour are the eyes of the last male you talked to?: Brown

Have you ever met a person that changed you for the better?: Yes and no

Are you wearing anything orange or red?: My bra and underwear are a red plaid lol 

Who was the last person you said “hello” to?: My drivers ed teacher

I like to think there is always something to smile about. So, tell me, what’s your reason to smile right now?: My cats

[league-of-light]

Week 8 Power Rankings - God Damn Millennial Version

Howdy folks. I’m sure Dylan will get me his rankings at some point, if he doesn’t well tough noogies he’s a busy dude.  In the meantime, I’m sure you all hate participation trophies but  I’ve also heard virtually everyone in this league complain about their rankings at some point, so I made this for all of you.  Take a participation trophy. Now you can all stop whining:

***Bah Gawd what’s this?!? We have a 12-way tie for 1st place in the Power Rankings this week!*****

Team Calm Down Will (previously 12, now 1! Way to go!)

Wow! Arielle you’ve done an excellent job managing your team despite all the injuries that have happened for you this season.  Way to go! Because of this, you earn the number 1 spot in my Power Rankings for this week.  Keep up the great work!

Caddyshack Name (previously not 1, now 1! Wow, neato!)

Bowers your team is so good, just like the movie Caddyshack! Last year you won the whole entire league can you believe it? I bet if you try really hard you can do it again because you can do anything you put your mind to.  Keep smilin’ homie! You rock!

Racist Chicken Wings (previously lost Geoffrey, now 1!)

Holy frijoles Evan! Can you believe your team is as good as it is!? I know I certainly can, because I always believed in you.  Your team is so good, they make bad teams jealous.  Awesome! 

Andy Touchdown Brown (previously something, now 1!) 

In case none of you knew, Andy’s on a two-win streak!  That’s awesome!! He’s got a great chance of climbing up his division, and beating Walsh.  Walsh’s team is also good though, because everyone’s team is good! Good luck, Andy!!

Platonic Harnsowl (previously K8, now K80 and 1!)

Harnsowl you did it! Don’t listen to anybody who tells you otherwise, you are a superstar.  Shine bright, shine far, don’t be shy, be a star! Fantastically done, your team deserves this number 1 spot in the Power Rankings this week.

Confused Samanthas (previously previous, now 1!)

Jeepers! You’re team sure looks great.  If I were you, I’d change my name to Schmitty WerbenJaegerManJensen, because you’re number 1! Haha, or Foxy Grandpa! Either way, your team is  super cool, and deserves to be #1!

Dylan and the Fricken Gay Frogs featuring special guest Alex Jones (previously a ranker who for the sake of conflict of interest couldn’t rank himself 1, now 1!)

Wow Dylan, what a team you’ve got there! I don’t know how you did it, but you did a great job trading people and making a new team compared to the one you drafted.  You should be really proud of yourself.  Top notch!

Watch the Television kiddos (I can’t remember if you’ve been 1 yet, but now you are!) 

Nico Escotto? You’re out here looking like Nico Suave! Great job, your team is awesome! I certainly can’t wait to play them this week, looking forward to it, it’s going to be fun! You’re also the number 1 ranked DM in all of the world, and number 1 content reader! Awesome!!

Phil (previously 1, now 1)

You finally did it! 4-3 and number 1 baby!! Way to go! Mazel on the platonic sex Katie is going to give you for being a champion! You rock little buddy! 

Jason’s newest team name (previously finally top 3, now 1!)

Wowie kazowie and alakazam! That Carson Wentz sure is good at the football! He’s strong like whatever Dakota he is from, I can’t remember which one, but both Dakotas are great.  If you asked me which one was better, I’d say they’re in a two-way tie for number 1! 

Walsh me coool whip and nae nae (previously dolphin, now 1!) 

Holy smokes! Walsh!! Have you seen your team?! It’s literally so good I can’t even begin to describe it!  And the other day when you came in the chat and said that silly thing about being lumped with Arielle it made me L-O-L!! That was a #1 moment that day, and I think your team is #1! Sweet!

Blastoise Pokemanz (previously sane, now 1!)

Hey self, keep on being you! You’re the best Will Guy!! Wow, writing this feels a little cathartic and slightly masturbatory, but someone has to tell you you’re number 1, so it might as well be me! Way to go pal! 

[oh-poor-you]

my inner monologue

oh wait that was dumb, i shouldn’t have said that.. oh no he’s taking a while to reply, he’s gone offline, okay i’ve accepted my fate. fuck okay he said it was cute, aha he’s joking and i know he just didn’t know what else to say so let me just write that... and send. oh fuck! he said “i love you” holy jesus i love him to this is so amazing, let me just say it back... and.. send! okay now he’s agreeing with me about not knowing what to say. called it. wait shit.. was that a typo? does he not actually love me? oh jesus i fucked up, what if he breaks up with me? no no no no. play it off. reply to him. god you haven’t replied in ages! but what if it was a typo? no you’ve both been hinting at this for so long, oh my god i miss him, wow i wish i could hug him right now. ugh no you’re being obsessive it’s okay. shut up, are you making too many jokes? is that serious? is he mad? i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know. wow he’s so beautiful. i love his eyes and his freckles! if i had freckles maybe he would like me more... also his height! he’s not a giant and that makes me happy, holy mother of jesus that baby bear on facebook is so cute, i wish i had a kitten, i should get my cat, she’s cute. oh fuck it’s almost midnight. i’m low battery and he texted me again. this weekend will be so fun. oh my god his band is gonna rock it tomorrow, he’s so cute and beautiful i love him so much. wait there it is! i said it! holy jeepers.