#HOCKEY IS BACK AND I KIND OF FEEL LIKE IM CHEATING ON BASEBALL

[dabeautyleague]

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[sammorzz]

( JACK FALAHEE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) — ✧ that looks like LYLE CROCK/SAM M’ORZZ! they’re the TWENTY FIVE YEAR OLD SON of LAWRENCE CROCK (BIOLOGICAL, ESTRANGED) and M’GANN M’ORZZ (ADOPTED AT FOURTEEN). they are also a POSTGRAD STUDENT at paragon. i hear they’re QUICK WITTED & STRATEGIC, but tend to be DECEITFUL & MANIPULATIVE. his file says that his power is ENHANCED DURABILITY & ADVANCED COMBAT AND WEAPON TRAINING. { Em } 

Backstory: 

Lyle Lawrence Crock, the youngest child of Lawrence Crock, started going along with his father on missions when he was ten, after training for the majority of his life. Lyle grew up under abusive conditions, but would has only recently come to recognize this. He was trained to lie, manipulate, and cheat until he got what he wanted. To conceal emotions in favor of the game. Unfortunately, these are all traits that stuck and are ingrained in him to this day.  Sam is, and this is important, incredibly apathetic to most things and people in his life. There are some exceptions.

ANYWAY, A team of heroes eventually busted them (both Artemis and M’Gann were in attendance), Lawrence bounced w/o Lyle, and 14 year old Lyle thew his hands up. “He killed my parents when I was 9, I’ve just been along for the ride since!”

“What’s your name?”

“Sam!” (a name he pulled from nowhere)

From that day on, his name was Sam. And his last name was M’orzz. With no next of kin in sight (LOL) or able to be found (lol x2), Sam was taken in by M’Gann. From then on, he was Sam M’orzz. Walking the straight and narrow. No one knew a thing about Lyle Crock, or even knew he existed. 

He eventually became less closed off with his adoptive mother and told M’Gann, who had already gone through his mind and knew, everything. His true name, what he had been training to be, the apathy he felt toward most things. But he reassured her that he no longer felt the urges that he had while he was with his father. He just wanted to go to school and be normal. And maybe he didn’t back then, maybe he wanted to give normal a try. How dull could it be??

He enrolled at Paragon as an undergrad in Chemistry. Lawrence Crock made contact with Sam shortly after he turned 21. And in a series of dumb decisions, Sam started doing minor missions for his dad. Around 23, he was doing small missions under the Sportsmaster Moniker. Hockey mask and all.  

He purposefully selected jobs that wouldn’t be big enough to attract the attention of say, Artemis or his mother. But the jobs kept getting bigger and bigger and, yeah, he got caught. All of his lies came out. His real biological connection to OG Sportsmaster and Artemis. How he’d been back doing crime for years now. His lack of emotional attachment to the people he’d been with for the last decade. 

Sam’s been in jail for the last year, while originally set to face something like 20 years, the charges that were brought against him were mostly dropped due to a convenient technicality. The year he served counted as time served for the one charge they could get him on, and now he’s out on parole. 

The terms of parole: has to reside at home with M’Gann, no contact with Lawrence Crock’s, must wear an ankle monitor, must re-enroll in his graduate studies, has to meet once a week with his official parole officer and another, court approved, mentor. Meets with a therapist once a week. Must volunteer every other weekend. 

Sam has only been on parole for..not that long at the start of me introducing him. He doesn’t know what to do with himself just yet, besides follow the schedule that’s basically been laid out for him as his conditions for parole. He’s trying to make things right with his mom, for sure. Sam still doesn’t see the things that he did as /wrong/ but he knows that he’s fucked up in M’Gann’s eyes and is actively trying to be something resembling a good son again. 

Personality: 

As hinted at above, Sam’s emotional range is limited. Growing up, he was taught to conceal what he was feeling, in favor of appearing the emotion that best suited him at the time. He has a limited emotional range. He’s never differentiated between right and wrong in his own in his own mind. He understands what others view as right and wrong and is able to fall in line with that, but he doesn’t reconcile with that. 

I feel like a lot of this post-prison time is going to be filled with Sam really figuring out who the hell he is? Is he Sam? Lyle? Sportsmaster? Someone else entirely? He doesn’t know. 

The Facts:

He goes by Sam. Call him if you want Lyle but he won’t care. But he still writes Sam on his papers and introduces himself as Sam. 

He’s good a sports!!! Who would have thought?? He did both varsity track and field and soccer throughout high school. He was the guy that always gets carded and thrown out of soccer matches for rough play.

Sam is intelligent. He’s an average student, but he’s always got a plan. or a strategy. or a new idea for something in the lab. 

is honestly so disinterested in most things? A lot of the time he sort of speaks in sort of a trademarked monotone? Unless he’s trying to make you like him?

Fun fact: I think in another life where he hadn’t felt constrained to this future as Sportsmaster or become like, addicted to the adrenaline that comes with crime, Sam would be kind of a goofus? Dad jokes? Obsessed with going to watch baseball? Alas. Maybe in 25 years. Those who were like, genuinely close with him (see wanted connections), would probably see this side of him. 

SAM LIES OKAY. SAM HAS A PERSONALITY FOR EVERY PERSON HE EVER ENCOUNTERS AND ITS A VERY CALCULATED, MANIPULATIVE THING. IM SORRY. Y? idk that’s the way he was raised.

Final fact: This is a fact, y’all shouldn’t trust Samyle M’Crock. He can’t trust himself tbh. Sam’s lied, stolen, he’s killed people, little of which he shows remorse for. He doesn’t see the problem with what he’s done. Sometimes he’s done “good” things, sometimes he’s done “bad” things, they sort of go either way for him. 

Wanted connections:

Wow real life feelings?? // Friends!! //

Super limited due to Samyle’s lack of emotional range. I imagine that there are at least a couple of people, outside his mother, that he actually formed some sort of attachment to. They likely did not know about his becoming Sportsmaster, so it would have been a shock to them. But hey, he tried to call them from prison so that’s how you know it’s real

// “friends” //

People who were absolutely floored when they heard about the arrest. Wasn’t Sam the nice kid M’Gann adopted? Who the fuck is Lyle Crock? Probably people Sam pretended to be close with for years, probably feel v. Betrayed by him being Sportsmaster, please give me this angst.

// hello, fellow criminals //

People that he worked with at some point during his tenure as Sportsmaster. They could have known who he is or not, we’ll plot that out. I also think it would be interesting if he were “romantically” involved with during his time as Sportsmaster. Mostly a tension fueled relationship.

// Parole officer(s) //

Sam has a couple of people he is court ordered to meet with once a week. This should be an adult who’s, ya know, out there being successful in life. 

// science peeps //

Sam’s forced back to grad school! The man enjoys science and it would be interesting for him to connect with someone who is nearly unaware of all he’s gotten into.

^^ SPOrtzMAsTER

Hi if you’ve really made it this far ur grand please come plot with me

[emilyjunk]

Tagged by @detectivedimple

The last 1. drink: coffee 2. phone call: my gf 3. text message: “thanks” - also my gf 4. song you listened to: Drive by Incubus 5. time you cried: hm yesterday i guess. it’s been a week

Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: yes 7. kissed someone and regretted it: regret is a strong word.   8. been cheated on: not that i know of 9. lost someone special: i guess  10. been depressed: only like once? when i was 12 but it just never stopped so 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i dont think about those times 3 favorite colors 12. purple 13. yellow 14. a dark but soft blue In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yeah  16. fallen out of love: no but i fell in 17. laughed until you cried: mhmm 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes but not in a mean way? 19. met someone who changed you: you have no idea 20. found out who your friends are: idk what this means honestly but i found out who my friends arent 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: mhmm

General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them but tbf im not friends with any strangers who i dont know at all 23. do you have any pets: i have a cat his name is cat 24. do you want to change your name: i did when i was younger but never knew what i would change it to. now i dont want to even though idt my name fits me much 25. what did you do for your last birthday: er went to pho with my family it was lowkey but on my actual bday i didnt do anything 26. what time did you wake up: originally at 5:45 but then i fed my cat and went back to sleep til 11:45 lol 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: going to sleep 28. name something you can’t wait for: seeing my gf but idk when. also when i get a job... idk when that is either. 31. what are you listening to right now: some ugly ass birds chirp out my window 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: that im not getting any interviews for jobs i apply for even when im overqualified by like 10000 qualification points, racism, and people on this website 34. most visited website: this hellsite  35. hair colour: people are always telling me im blonde but i think im brunette and truly they are blind but when i when was little i was dirty blonde  lol 36. long or short hair: my hair is medium long

39. piercings: both lobes, traegus (sp?), cartilage 40. blood type: red unless it’s in my body then it’s blue 41. nicknames: Ang, Angie i guess, junkle, my brother calls me aang lol 42. relationship status: spoken for 43. zodiac: gemini and proud. 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: orphan black but it’s ending today so im sad. i also am currently revisiting my soft spot for the hell that is glee. and i love poi, even sometimes more than orphan black because it really did me right the entire time and i appreciate that. steven universe is on that list too. llisten i have a lot of favorite shows i cant do this. 46. tattoos: uh i have 3. a sun on my ankle, a moon behind my ear, and a bee on my wrist. i want more but im poor and also dk where i’d put them cuz im self-conscious 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: just on my wisdom teeth lol 49. piercing: didn’t we just do this one? 50. sport: haha when i was younger i played lotssss of sports but now im lazy and fat. i gave my entire childhood and adolescence to competitive softball though so i suppose i will always have a soft spot for it. i also did baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, and one year i did both track and flag football but then i quit cuz i hated them. actually i liked flag football but they never passed to me because boys (especially 13 year olds) are sexist meanies. in college i did ultimate frisbee, volleyball, football, broomball, and dodgeball which i LOVED.

51. vacation: anywhere with mountains or volcanoes. also italy. but also im a fan of staycation. 52. pair of trainers: you mean the only shoes i wear? they’re new balance More general: 53. eating: nothing, but i had eggos earlier and will likely have leftover pizza later. it’s a swell life.  54. drinking: coffee. 55. i’m about to: nothin. 56. waiting for: getitn a job :( 57. want: to be with my gf and also have a job 58. get married: uh maybe 59. career: :/ Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: hm hugs but kisses too 61. lips or eyes: both but maybe smiles 62. shorter or taller: idc but my gf is shorter so maybe shorter is the right answer here

63. older or younger: idc but not too much difference either way 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms but they’re all nice 65. hook up or relationship: relationship idk a hookup  66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: ya

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: never lost but did break them once :( 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: er it’s complicated like sort of but also not 72. broken someone’s heart: yeah :( 73. had your heart broken: oh yeah  74. been arrested: not yet 75. cried when someone died: no 76. fallen for a friend: yes Do you believe in: 77. yourself: about some things 78. miracles: not sure 79. love at first sight: i used to not but now i kind of do  80. santa claus: no lol 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: not sure but im open to the possibility of the existence of all things Other: 83. current best friend’s name: hm rachel, renee, emily, jordan 84. eye colour: blue 85. favourite movie: school of rock, a league of their own, miracle, star wars, the pitch perfect movies, boyhood

tagging: @amanaryouserious @aca-trash @crazypitches @haughtwav if u are bored and feel like it i guess