#HIS GODDAMN. MOTHERFUCKING. T I T S.

[hclluvasinners]

His most defining features?

His Tits. // artist source.

[waterfallofspace]

J/JK SEASON 2 S/HIBUYA TRAILERRRRR DAHUSJOIKJLAKSFJGNLNGADKLDJGSLGMN (spoilers in tags)

[baladric]

one of my friends predicted a long time ago that i would end up married to a rat man, and i’ve been like nah i like pretty and fashionable people but now i definitely have what feels like the most fruitful crush i’ve had in a long time on a quintessential rat man and i’m like. äh, the ordeals of being known.

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

*materializes into existence*

Hey there :D

Okay, imagine that Virgil is like, super fuckin' tired and about to pass out bc um. Insomnia. And Remus notices his Spiderling is just really out of it and not really paying attention. It's in the middle of an Unspecified Important Meeting with Thomathy(tm), and Remus sees his sleepy Sling & just S C O O P S him up and sinks with him in his arms. Everyone else is like "what" and Thomas is just Confused. But hey, Remus just takes Virgil to uhh... let's say it's Virgil's room since um, ignoring canonical Virgil's Room Affects People in an Anxious Way. It's fine. Canon can shush for a moment, lmao.

ANYWAY: Sleepy Boi is a bit confused, but snuggles into the warmth of the Duke carrying him. Remus' slimy heart melts at that bc he's so adorable, oh no, he's too gay for this shit, skdfsjdfj- yeah. He lays Virgil down and puts a blanket over him, but then Sleepy Spiderling won't let go, he has a very strong grip on Octo Boi. Remus is like "welp might as well" and snuggles into with Virgil and they cuddle and fall asleep.

Time Skip brought to you by my old Wattpad phase: and now we get to the part where Virgil is waking up to being cuddled protectively and it feels so warm and safe and nice, and then he sees it's Remus, and he can't help but melt a lil at the peaceful expression on sleeping Duke's face. Said Duke wakes up, and um. blsuhes. Blushes very much so at waking up next to the Spiderling. Sleepy Virgil sees blushy Remus and smirks. Remus is like "fuck you when did our roles fucking switch you goddamn bastard you motherfucker omg" and Virgil responds by saying "aww, am I too cute for you~" and yep, there goes Remus, he dies in Gay Panic bc his pretty boy just flirted with him and his morning/just-woke-up voice is so hhhhhhhh. And yeah, that's all for this idea (for now) (I have many ideas but here's a shorter one I guess, lol).

Is this a bit OOC? yes, it is.

Do I care? Haha, no <3

Enjoy, Spooky Gays enthusiasts :D

Heyo Oatmeal :}D!!! Oml E V E R Y T H I N G about this is S O fucking soft P L E A S E!!! This has it all from Dukexiety cuddles, Them melting in each other's arms as they sleep peacefully together, Smug Vee, and Gay Gay Homosexual Gay flustered Ree I L O V E it and them S O fucking much!!!

[boxwinebaddie]

also, in regards ( my condolences ) to this post, i am also humbly offering this insane asylum brain-dump on hypothetical racecar kyle

aka #sasscar kyle

who the sports commentators call 'the jersey devil' ( as in the devil went down to ) because he is the human embodiment of road rage and is not afraid to run right you off it -- with his car or his mouth.

which is aaaalways running...and fast! because that man's loco-motor ( he's insane ) runs solely off spite, on ice cold sprite and has a wicked god complex, so he gets off on picking stupid, petty fights with other drivers / betting insane high aces before races...just to see the dumb, shitdick look on ur face when he puts you in your place ( second <3 ) or the e.r. if you red-cross him <3 ( his ride is your local blood drive )

'them' being extreme sports commentators who, re: the jersey devil nickname, hiss when they see him a shake a competitor's hand ( with his cool, suede, jade leather glove, tyvm! ) because he's a known Pit Viper but instead of a knife in your back or a nail in your coffin, it's in your tire and they're mimicking the sound it makes as it deflates and you slowly...asphyxiate. pls note: they also call him 'break check' bc if you haven't checked your breaks, dw; he'll do it for you! ( aww!!! ) <3

tldr; kyle broflovski...can and will do Anything to win. after all, if you're not first; you're last. and in the immortal words of rascal flatts: life is a motherfucking highway, baby! if your foots not on the gas, your ass is GRASS, motherfucker! like, trust and believe, i love miss holly, ( she's my girl ), but with all due respect, this isn't 'the scenic route'...

this is DRAG RACING, bitch! so either get fast, get serious or Switch Lanes before wiley kyley b gets Furious, passes you with one hand -- he's flipping you off with the other one -- and verbally eviscerates you so viscously from his rear view mirror that you instantly start crying,

the shitsandstorm of dust he left you in coats your lungs, you begin to claw and choke, your grip on the wheel slips, your head tips, reality dips before you know it or can pull over, you're done: you lose control of the car, crydroplane out of place and crash into the wall. HARD.

with that said, the question remains...

Are We Making Girl Scout Cookies...

Or Are We Making

A.

Goddamn.

DEAL,

S w e e t h e a r t ?

;)

[cetaceans-pls]

Free Balling, Free Whaling

written for qwerty in thanks for their generous donation towards @dcufans4palestine 's recent charity drive! thanks again for taking part, and thank you to the mods for organising this event :')

qwerty, your request was both detailed and open-ended, and this turns out is the Perfect Recipe for me to go crazy. hope you enjoy this!

Sometimes, your community is you, a seal you've never actually met, a number of late-night service industry workers, 2 former grad students, and a lady who’s a leggy killer whale on land. Sometimes, that’s plenty.

Rated T, Gen, Jason Todd-centric. Read on Ao3 below:

or read here on tumblr below the cut:

See, the thing is, for all that Gothamites take Great Big Pride in being stone cold motherfuckers, they are in fact suckers for a pretty face.

 And it’s hard to get prettier, sweeter, than a goddamn all-natural harbour seal that gets spotted off of Pleico Beach, in clear view of like the 10 million people enjoying this day of unbearable sun in Gotham, sweet-faced women in cute bikinis and middle-aged men in cute broadshorts all braving the sharp pebbles of the beach with just a beach towel between body and gravel, all scampering up to take ten thousand pictures of a wee face in the near distance peeking out at them.

 Jason had laughed himself sick, because the appearance of a harbour seal in the bay had upstaged what had been quite a big spectacle of a thing with the joker and his 12 joker-lite disciples doing some weird biblical (?) reenactment at the Cathedral while they tried to steal some holy relic. Jason’s well-read but bibles had been so ubiquitously pressed upon him by well(?)-meaning church types in his messy youth that he’d never gotten ‘round to reading it, so he's unclear on the reference, but also there hadn’t been much time to analyse the tableau the guys had made, since:

i) Batwoman had massacred them right quickly because she'd been waiting for a date in the area and didn't appreciate the police presence;

and

ii) The nightly news had covered the incident with one (1) grainy still of the gang in some weird robes in the sepulcre for about 8 seconds before dedicating entire 20-minute blocks to coverage of Sheila the Harbour Seal, complete with marine biologists and seal-holograms.

 Gotham Bay used to be a thing of nightmares, the way much of Gotham had been a thing of nightmares not even 2 decades ago, but under the stern but loving hand of Wayne Enterprise, both have recovered with a steely exuberance  that makes bone-deep Gothamites feel Some Type of Way. Jason remembers being young and sitting at the docks illegally fishing for squid to sell to Alberta (the sole stalwart fishmonger based in the Narrows, most similar in appearance to a deep sea thing with a gaunt face and alarming teeth, who had a tendency to donate leftovers to the soup kitchen on 54th and Hertz, single-handedly making the residents of one of the most under-served parts of Gotham shockingly competent authorities of good proper fish stews), and how there would be a crust of muck and algae and blood audibly thunking against the wooden supports.

 He’s still got a thumb bone at home, the first one he’d found on the beach back in the day when the mafias really acted like they had the right to run Gotham ragged, dumping bodies like it’s their civic duty, and he’s pretty sure most people around his age and the income-bracket of his youth have got one of these historical, hysterical souvenirs.

 So to’ve gone from that, all of that, to Pleico Beach now hosting young families and harbour seals alike…. Christ. Now that’s biblical (maybe).

 Jason’s not the biggest fan of crowds, though, and also feels some amount of toxic embarrassment to be caught in public trying to catch sight of some gal. This is why he’s here on his squid dock at 3 o’clock in the morning with his Bat-grade night-vision goggles, twice already blinding his own damn self when he’d pulled out his phone to google seal behaviour and inadvertently blasting his retinas with the brightness of his screen.

 Probably should’ve checked and realised the little lady is likely less active at night before he got himself out here, but it’s not like it’s some great loss to just be out in the spray, chilled to the bone because he’s got Red Hood’s top on but just shorts on the bottom and late-summer/early-fall nights in Gotham can be so so frigid and so so loving. He’s halfway to wondering if he can find, like, a safety pin or something, tie it to the grappling wire he’s got in his right boot and do some squid-fishing for old times’ sake when there’s an almighty splash! at the end of the dock, and heavy ker-thunk! of something slamming into it.

 Man, just how damn big is Sheila? And nowhere in any of the articles did it say that harbour seals had a 20 foot vertical leap! Jason’s up and running towards the end, imagination quickly conjuring up an image of Sheila with a nipped tail, having made an almighty jump onto the dock to escape a predator, though what large predator can survive Gotham Bay even in her current condition is a question and a half all by itself, and-

 Uh.

 Jason blinks, then takes off the night vision goggles to blink again.

 Uhm.

 A Large Predator, a veritable Eater of Seals, a killer whale with hands and knees and feet blinks at him back.

 “Uh,” Jason says dumbly. Is this an undersea god type of situation? In which case he really wishes he’d brought his comms with him so that he could get Oracle to page Aquaman, emergency in aisle 3 (an orca’s evolved to have arms and legs by the frozen peas). “Is this a beaching?” he asks, possibly to the creature, possibly to whatever higher being might be listening. Deep deep inside, in that place that feels a certain giddy pleasure when Gotham wrings him dry and makes him come back for seconds, he’s a little warmly astonished that this many years of duty in and there’s still so damn much to be surprised by. “Are you okay?’ he says next, and manfully resists making clicking noises like a bad impression of a dolphin.

 His mouth says these reasonably thoughtful things, but his body’s crouched low, ready for a judo grapple against this being that’s got to have at least 100 pounds on him (and he’s already a man of many pounds).

 This orca-person somehow manages, with no eyebrows and no lips, to look at him warily. “I’m good. Are you?” they ask him right back, and whatever one might imagine a whale sounds like in English, one would be wrong. It’s like hearing a jackhammer suffering through conjugation, like the twang of a musical saw through the crispy static of a bad mobile connection.

 It’s unbearable how in 4 words Jason knows with Absolute Certainty that this creature is a Gothamite, though. Who else says ‘good’ like it has 12 syllables? He finds himself relaxing, and straightens up. “Can’t say I was expecting, uh, you, but I’m not doing so bad. I’m Jason, are you in trouble?"

 They look at him with the beady black eyes, body tensed and massive and toothy and packed dense with muscle rounded out with hearty blubber. They seem to come to a decision, and shrug shoulders like rounded mountains. “I was just out for a swim to check on the seal. Uh.” For the first time since their appearance, the great orca seems at a little bit of a loss. “I’m. Orca?”

 Jason can’t help a chuckle, can’t hold it back now that’s fully fully clear that he’s not about to have to fight This Creature. “I’m happy with calling you Orca, but if you have a preferred name, and,” he very politely does not look downwards, “pronouns, stuff like that, I’m pretty good at being respectful.”

 When orca-people sigh, it comes a little out their blowhole. Jason’s trying to hold back laughter so hard he feels a little sick, and he thinks Orca can tell, because though the glossy dark skin of their cheeks can’t seem to show it, he suspects there’d be a blush there otherwise.

 “You can call me Grace. Sexual dimorphism’s not very obvious in killer whales, it’s mostly down to size.”

 Jason shrugs. “Nice to meet you, Miss? Uhm. Grace Orca. And size isn't the only thing that matters.”

 She snorts (the blowhole keeps getting involved!! Lord god!!),  and picks up what Jason had thought was some dilapidated sail cloth but is instead a dilapidated sail cloth sewn in the approximate shape of a coat that could fit a 9 foot Lady Orca. “You’re taking this extremely well,” she says, squinting keenly at him.

 “Can’t live in this city without being respectful of all her inhabitants,” Jason says with grave seriousness, before cracking into a smile. “I was hoping to catch sight of Sheila, you know, the harbour seal. Seems like I got to see a cool, uh, marine lady regardless, so it’s not like I’m going to run away screaming.” He doesn't add that 2 weeks ago he was making small talk over alien canapes with this guy that looked like 2 giraffes stapled ass-to-ass with 3 sets of diaphanous wings on some Outlaw business, so comparatively speaking, she's So Regular.

 The facial muscles of a orca-person should preclude them from emoting very well, but Grace manages to get across warm surprise with great aplomb. “Are you a marine biologist?” she asks in the excited tones of someone who believes they’ve met a kindred spirit, and Jason makes a note to check in on all the Graces in Gotham who are marine biologists.

 Jason shakes his head. “Nah, I’ve just never seen a wild seal in Gotham before. When I was a kid you got more dismembered feet than fish out here, so I got a little excited. Why were you out and about looking for her?”

 A thought strikes him, and he winces. “I’m a city boy, but I get that it’s law of the jungle rules out there, and I respect that. If you are planning to eat her, though, you don't need to tell me .”

 She looks like he's called her a slur. “ Of course not! ” she yells, shrill enough it’s half a whistle. “What kind of a monster do you think I am?!”

 There’s no easy, courteous way to answer this, so Jason goes for blank honesty instead. “All of god’s creatures need to eat to live, man. I gotta make my peace with how cute cows can get when I’m eating a hamburger, I sure as shit am not gonna judge you .”

 Grace Orca looks at him like he’s the weird one here on the dock, and to be fair to her, he maybe actually is. “I just wanted to check on her welfare ,” she says with injured pride, starting to stride down the dock back to shore, one step for every 3 of Jason’s. “They don’t tend to be fully solitary animals, and they’re not migratory either, so I was trying to figure out how she drifted all the way down here. Didn't manage more than a look before she swam off, though.”

 Jason can’t exactly blame Sheila for her nerviness. He’s pretty proud with himself for acting real regular walking in sortof-step with Grace when her teeth are the size of his thumbs and he’s enviously, jealously regarding her muscular shoulders. Swimmers’ shoulders, damn. “We got any breeding colonies near here? I know people who know people, could probably figure out how to relocate her home if she needs it. And, uhm.” He very gentlemanly lets her go down the rickety wooden steps first (he’s not confident they’d take both their weight). “I’m sorry for implying you’d eat her.”

 At this, she does gnash her teeth just a little. “The bay’s recovered a lot, water quality’s better, algal bloom’s more under control, and there are a couple of fish nurseries that are looking really promising.” Grace sighs gustily (her blowhole wipples like the lid of a tea kettle aa!!). “But we’re not doing so well that we can support an apex predator. I’d starve out there, and if I didn’t I’d be eating things more valuable than me, so.”

 Ah, shit. Jason’s has a rough idea of rough living, but a street rat would experience life a lot different to a Literal Street Rat. Waylon’s got it rough but now that he’s borderline the de-facto union leader of the Great Gotham Underground Coalition, half the service workers in town will comp his food on sight. Grace has no such social influence, or Jason would’ve heard of her before. He glances at her, and feels some weird solidarity of being a thing that is of but maybe isn’t welcome to Gotham.

 Maybe she got made a monster, too.

 “That sucks,” he says, pebbles crunching underground. “You do the marine biology stuff for work? And hey, for ambushing you on your chill nighttime swim, let me treat you to dinner?”

 She draws to a halt, and he almost loses an eye on the peak of her dorsal fin. Instead, he’s intensely whapped by her powerful tail when she turns on a dime to stare at him. “Are you hitting on me?” Grace says, gone shrill again, and isn’t that a thing.

 Jason grins; he’s got teeth too. “Haven’t made up my mind yet, but I’m never gonna say no to good company and good food. Patrice’s over on 12th and Bakri is open all hours, and if you don’t mind takeout we can go sit in a park or something. I have so many ocean-based questions, Grace, you’d be doing me a a favour.”

 He’s also uncertain if she needs to, uhm, Submerge, and the Dumbfuck Giant Fountain with Horses in the park at 13th and Bakri would give her plenty of space to splash. God, he makes less efforts to be diplomatic with emperors of ancient civilisations, but Jason is relatively confident that he can predict the shape of Grace’s predicament, and 9 foot tall or no it sure seems like she deserves a gentler hand than most.

 (There are a lot a lot a lot of scars all down her back, pale stripes on what should be glossy smooth inky black, and he doesn’t know what caused ‘em but he knows that they’re not right.)

 No one’s ever accused him of being terribly smooth or charming, but Jason does okay. He cocks his head in question, knows he looks a little cute and a lot silly in between his armoured turtleneck and his knobbly knees all out in the open, and Grace sighs (!!) and goes “Hope your wallet’s ready for this.”

 “What a lady wants, a lady’s gonna get,” Jason says with the confidence of a man with a platinum credit card with no conceivable limit, and off they go.

-

 Patrice himself always takes the night shifts, too serious to be the sort of guy that would let teens suffer through night-time Gotham serving calzones on the cheap. Fair play to the man, after a short sharp scream when Grace has to hunker down to squeeze herself into his dinky little store, he’s back to being stone-faced damn damn quickly.

 Said stony facade does relent, though, when he sees Jason peeking out from behind her. “You shouldn’t be having dinner so late, Jason,” he tuts with the severity of a man who doesn’t get to spend enough time tutting his own kids on account of his late night shifts.

 Jason just snorts. “It’s not late if I stay up. This is my friend Grace, and we’re both starving.”

 “You have a lovely store,” Grace says dutifully, and Patrice takes her rattling-whistling-whirring voice in stride, inclines his bald head with wispy hairs with great gravitas, and gives her a respectful nod of thanks.

 “Sweet talkers,” he says gruffly. “What will you both have?” He eyes Grace, head tilted back to meet her face that’s tilted down (to avoid a droplight). “I got vegetarian pies.” He squints, reassesses. “And seafood marinara calzones, though I’m gonna have to bake ‘em so you’ll have to wait.”

 Jason’s got squid on the brain. “How many do you want, Grace? ‘s my treat.”

 She looks sedate up top, but her tail is whapping like she’s about to murder a great white shark. “Two?” she hazards, looking curiously awkward for being this awe-inspiring sight.

 “Sounds good. Two dozen of your seafood best, Patrice, and hit me with a slice,” he pauses, and faintly wishes she had ears that would give away how she’s feeling instead of, uhhhh, ear holes?? Ear holes?? “Two slices? Of tiramisu, and a latte each. That sound good, Grace?”

 “Two dozen is so many-” she starts in protest, this lady too in love with Gotham Bay to eat her fish, not even built to survive off of sewer rats like Waylon and the lads, and luckily Jason doesn’t even need to step in.

 Patrice just rings their order up. “Growing kids need to eat,” he tells her very sternly, like she’s a regular customer, like he hadn’t shrieked a glass-shattering shriek at the first sight of her. “I’m gonna throw in some garlic knots, too. Got any allergies or anything, miss? God knows this boy's got the gut of a trash compactor,” he says with genuine affection.

 Grace looks a little lost, and Jason figures that she isn’t an eldritch sea creature (because you’d seldom find something more self-assured than a 4,000 year old oarfish the size of a tectonic plate), figures that this change is kind of recent, but long ago enough that it’s been too too long since a well-meaning middle-aged person behind a counter has called her miss and smiled at her, and man, they need to come up with a better system on how to treat metas with dignity.

 “My mom used to make really good seafood marinara,” she offers up instead, and Jason sees in real-time as Patrice’s eyes go a little misty as he adds mozzarella sticks and another half dozen calzones to their bill free of charge.

 (Thank god for tip jars).

-

 It takes 25 minutes and Patrice is sweaty and a little breathless by the time he’s bundled up their food, but the vibes are immaculate and tomato-tinged as they wander out his restaurant down to the park, right to the massive fountain.

 Grace seems a little dazed by all that’s happened, which is good. Jason very intentionally is trying to leave her off-balance enough to spill her secrets (the better to serve her with!), and also while he’s not the most Warm and Affectionate person, by hook or by crook he’s been some type of older sibling for some pretty large chunk of his life, and he feels in his gut that Grace is younger so she’s just gonna have to suck it up and make peace with him being a bit of a coddler. To reduce any embarrassment on her part, Jason kicks off his shoes and sits on the lip of the fountain, feet in the cold, grimy water. It makes him shiver, just a little, but a sip of hot hot coffee has him sighing in delight. 

 “Go on, help yourself.” He nudges a bag over, grabbing a calzone wrapped in foil for himself.

 After a brief pause, she shucks her coat, scrambles over the ledge to sit in the water, submerged just barely to her waist, but it’s clear that it’s some sort of soothing; her tail is lazily whipping in water, and he wonders if she even realises she’s gently making herself drift forwards and back. “Thanks,” she says. “Been a while since I got to eat cooked food.”

 Yeah, damn, they really need to figure out some sort of soup kitchen/shelter situation for people who are people who just happen to be a little less regular.

 “Patrice is a nice guy. Kinda traditional, but his youngest came out recently and he’s been working real hard to make himself more accepting. The pride calzone is gross as hell, though, do not recommend it.”

 She, uhm, chortles, maybe? A jolly little sound, and Jason grins. “You’re laughing now, but you’re not gonna be laughing when I get you one of them and you realise that man’s put peaflowers and sardines and butter and shit just to get the colours right.”

 Grace baps him with her enormous tail; it will bruise, and he’s charmed. “I still can’t tell if you’re a weird fetishist who’s trying to hit on me, but I think I’d forgive a lot for a pride-themed pie.”

 “Promise I got brought up to be very respectful of women,” Jason says with the confidence of someone who had Wonder Woman in his upbringing. “You’re just really cool. It's rare to meet a marine biologist in general, you know, never mind a marine biologist who’s, uhm, extra marine.” Much of the walk to and from food has been heavy on pelagics and Cnidaria and Phocidae and Gulf streams and Jason understands maybe 65% of what she’s talking about, can really only spiritedly join in when they both go off on a growling tangent on sea-level rise and how it’s worsening the housing crisis in the city, and man, there’s just a lot to admire in that kind of fervent dedication to a damp cause.

 She baps him again, but looks substantially more morose even though her more rigid jaw doesn’t seem to allow for downturned non-lips. “I used to be a marine biologist,” she says in mournful whale-song. “With a specialisation in marine mammal growth hormones and their applications in medicine. I had a little cubicle at the Gotham Aquarium and everything .”

 Jason hums mildly. “Take it that the tail and stuff is a more recent development?”

 She nods gruffly. “Had a real bad accident, got paralysed, and I did not respond to that in a super healthy way.”

 Bruce has had his back broken, Babs is in a wheelchair still, Jason just fully fully died. He knows academically that there are ways to healthily process the complete and total upheaval of a life; he’s just not confident it’s attainable by anyone below the level of a bodhisatya. “My brother’s partner had a run-in with the joker, and she’s been in a wheelchair ever since. I don’t know how she does it.” He very carefully doesn’t look at her. “Don’t know how you’re doing it, but I’m glad you’re doing it anyways. Would’ve been a real quiet dinner tonight otherwise.”

 Grace makes a strange burbling sound, and maybe cetaceans have cetacean feelings that English just can’t get across. “I’ve done some pretty fucked up things. The gene-splicing and dosing and orca-fication just so I could walk again isn’t the half of it. I’ve committed crimes , Jason.”

 It takes an enormous effort of will to not laugh so hard his lungs give out. Miss ma’am’s out here swimming pro bono to check in on fish and seals and shit, and she’s making a confessional out of a fountain with a priest who’s got a body count in the dozens; Jason’s got blood caked on so thick he always always always smells just a little metallic (just a little too-human) nowadays. God, how hopelessly sweet. “Lay it out on me, I’ll be the judge of how bad is bad, Grace.”

 She doesn’t look at him still, tucked up tight and folded away like she can compress the whole lot of her (she can’t). “I didn’t used to be full-time like this. Used to be I could swap, you know, between paralysed human me and super cool killer whale me with a syringe and 20 minutes of throwing up. Work was going great, I was collecting so much data, it was crazy, the tissue samples from my thighs had human and orca protein markers but from my tail it was all orca, and there’s a lot of implications for organ regeneration and tissue transfers, really, but…”

 “Not hearing any greater crime than being a massive nerd,” Jason says mildly, and is splashed for his efforts (he’s laughing as he pushes his sodden hair back. “C’mon, spill, have another calzone.”

 He tosses her one, and she digs into it immediately. “There’s a program we have for kids with rough backgrounds, at the aquarium. Kind of like day camp, over the summer, and the parents get free daycare and the kids get to do fun little activities and practice being aquarists, all that sort of stuff. It was great, but the funding didn't get renewed for this year, and I thought, hey, how hard can it be to get money for that?”

 Jason winces, and Grace just keeps pushing on. “It’s the sort of thing you hear rogues doing all the time, right? Steal a great big diamond, something like that. So I ambushed this yacht party,” and she says yacht the way a lesser man might say ‘steaming pile of shit’, “and was gonna grab this ugly diamond off this woman who did not follow sanitation protocols for her yacht’s wastewater, and it was going mostly okay, and then…” She looks around, somehow managing to look hunted despite being a quintessential hunter. “Batman appeared.”

 Jason goes cold, freezes up and feels a roaring rage, this unshakeable white-hot thing that always flares in response to any proof of Bruce’s negligence or foolishness or bloody-minded adherence to made-up rules causing so so much more damage than they could ever be worth. “Did he hurt you,” he says very mildly, but his jaw aches with how much he wants to shout and bite throats out.

 Something in his tone must’ve given him away, or maybe it’s one of those whale-only senses, again. Grace turns, propelled by her tail, and looks at him with less guilt and more startled curiosity. “Hey,” she says tentatively, awkward in how she comforts. And for the first time in their brief but delightful acquaintance, she very tentatively reaches out to very delicately place her massive massive hand just above his knee, so so thoughtful to keep a barrier between his skin and hers, like that’s something he’d ever care about. “Hey, you okay? Did Batman do something to you? I’m willing to try biting him if he’s done something, Jason. I don’t know karate or anything but I’m pretty sure I could chew through armour?”

 This startles a laugh out of Jason, though it’s a little ragged because his breathing is a little jacked. “Been treated pretty bad by him,” he settles on, in the end. “But I’m not one of those guys that thinks he’s great and amazing and perfect, so I’ve gotten pretty good at managing expectations and being disappointed in him all the time. But Grace, hey. You gotta tell me, I promise I need to know. Did he hurt you ?”

 She shakes her massive, wondrous head. “I mean, he tried to get the gem back, but I’m not really someone you can just throw around. The problem was that I got really distracted fighting him, and he’s really scary even to me, so while I was looking his way I got shot a bunch of times by the woman’s bodyguards.”

 Grace twists a little so he can see her back, and there’s a scattering of rounded scars just by her fin, and that’s awful awful close to her spine, and oh, god, he can see the Shape of Things.

 “I think I would’ve died if I turned human again then, and I was pretty sure I was going to die in orca lite mode too. The Bat incapacitated the gunmen and hustled me away, and I think he was going to take me to a hospital, which, broadly speaking, if you see an unwell marine creature you really should go straight to the aquarium because the vet team there’s incredible, but I was really bleeding out and I had the human-to-orca serum and I told him I think taking the orca shot while I’m in orca mode’s probably the only thing that’s going to keep me alive.”

 Fucking hell. “Then what?”

 Grace shrugs, enormous and abashed. “He said okay, took off his cape so I wasn’t sitting bare-assed on the ground, and then offered to hold my hand while I took the shot.” She looks down at her hand, reflexively squeezes it. “Think he thought I was gonna die on him. Think I thought I was gonna die on him too. I’m not a behavioral ecologist, so this is just conjecture, but I don’t think orcas are big fans of dying alone either, so I appreciated it.”

 Jason rests his hand on what would be her wrist, and squeezes down tight. God, he hates unloving deaths. “You're a social creature both ways, huh? Glad you weren’t alone, Grace,” Jason says with way more understanding than most. “Glad it worked. What happened after?”

 “Well, I threw up for 20 minutes,” she says primly. “Then I knocked him on his ass and ran away, because I was scared he was going to arrest me.”

 To be a fly on that wall, holy shit. Jason offers up a hi-5, and she takes it. “They should get you a medal,” he says with utmost seriousness. “What you been up to since? I’m a big man ‘round town, and if a lady like you were available for dinner dates I sure would’ve heard of it.” He doesn't know how to politely say how have you kept yourself alive since, so this light-hearted sleaze is all that he can manage.

 Grace abruptly gets up, parting the seas, and climbs out without making eye contact. “The rest of the story up till right now isn’t something I’m proud of. You sure we can’t go back to talking about flood risks and poor urban planning?”

 He climbs out too, and hands her more food. “We can talk ‘bout anything you like, but if you’ve got troubles, I can’t help with things I don’t know, you know?”

 Grace screws up her face, and it doesn’t go very well because there’s a lot of face to screw up, but her unhappiness is clear. “I’m a muscle-for-hire,” she says all at once. “Have to work to eat, and not a lot of places are looking to give me work looking like this.”

 An agitated lady of any persuasion is not a very fun sight to see, and it makes Jason really hopping mad, but 'really hopping mad' doesn't serve Grace Orca, so he swallows it down and shakes his head to clear it. "Been having a real rough time of it, huh, Grace? Sounds godawful." He does need more specifics if he's going to try to improve her lot in life, though. "What are the, like, top 3 things you wish you could fix?"

 She laughs a whistling mirthless laugh. "Number 1? Take me back to when I was human again. I'll make my peace with being disabled, at least I wasn't getting shot at all the time."

 Not a thing Jason can do for her, though not for a lack of want. "Man, don't we all have a time we wish we could go back to," he says in pale consolation. "Can't help with that, though I'll holler if I ever get my hands on a time machine, promise. What's next?"

 Grace tugs on her overcoat. "Same as what I needed when I was still a grad student; would be nice to have some cash. Get some good food, maybe use my old ID and figure out how to rent a little apartment with a tub, something like that." She makes a disgruntled clicking sound. "I still can't get used to sleeping under water, and the serum's not perfect. It gets so cold."

 Now that's a solvable issue! "Girl, that's easy peasy. Here, c'mon." He tugs out his wallet, tugs out his credit card that's got neither name nor limit to it, and hands it over. "My, uh, my dad's rich but I'm in a lifelong rebellious phase 'cos he's kindof an awful person a lot of the time. You don't need to hench if you don't want to, get takeout seafood marinara for the rest of forever, I don't give a shit."

 She makes no move to take it from him, but he keeps holding it out towards her. "Seriously," he says. "Your number 2 most desired thing is something I can help with. If it makes you feel bad, you can catch me on the docks and pay me back once you've got a roof over your head and figured out some better employment. For now, you gotta take it."

 Grace scowls (it's terrifying). "I don't gotta take anything! What am I going to do with someone else's card!" she yells, flinging his arm away. "This still isn't a face they'll let into Whole Veg!" 

 She takes a deep, gasping, shuddering breath, and lets it all out in a miserable, hurtling whisper.

  "This isn't a shape that gets to be human."

 And ain't that just the Shape of The Thing (that is no longer human). Jason can empathise on the inside of his head all day long, how he's not 100% all-natural all-human after a tango in a Pit, how he's pretty sure his eyes glow in the dark now and his canines are a little serrated and he's really really immune to most poison these days, but the face of him is the face of a person who does not make Patrice scream when he enters his shop. Strong arms and strong legs and strong tail and Grace still would rather go back to a time when she wasn't a powerful predator, when she couldn't even walk. Jason's never had to tackle this specific issue, and he isn't entirely sure what to say, except to say the things he used to say to himself in the dark of the night, too-sharp nails ripping through corpse-pale skin, tucked in a corner and barely (not-quite) human.

 "Maybe not," he says, carefully. "Not your average Joanne, no. But it's a shape that gets to be a person, Grace. Can strip flesh from bone and replace it with the king of the sea, lose all your DNA 'cos you fought to survive, but you don't stop being a person. And so long as you're a living breathing person, you're entitled to care, and I'm entitled to look out for you. I know a guy who knows a guy who's got a bit of crocodile in him, I know a lady who knows a lady who's 1/16th cypress pine, and I know people who are technically all-human and they're the most discomfiting motherfucker on Earth. And I know all of 'em and all of 'em know me, and now I know you and you know me, so do you know what I think your third wish is, Grace?"

 "What?" she says like she's trying to sound angry but mostly she just sounds sad.

 "It's company, isn't it? People to check in on you like you check in on Sheila, people to have calzones with, people to talk shop with, people to hold your hand when you're not feeling good. Tell me true; is that wish number three?"

 The fight's gone out of her, and hers isn't a face made for crying but Jason hates that she looks like she wants to anyways. Months and months and months sleeping in the sea and committing crimes she didn't want to for the lacklustre joy of continuing a wretched existence, and now she's getting harangued by some rando she met on the docks in the middle of the night.

 Still, though, he's just got this one little push left. He can lead a killer whale to a seafood marinara calzone, but he can't force her to eat. See, consent's also a massive massive part of personhood, so he's got to wait. She's got to say it.

 At long last, in a tiny voice that's like a distant chirp, Grace says "I don't want to be so alone anymore."

 And with a smile spitting sparks like an electric eel having a real time of it all, Jason says "Your wish is my command".

-

 It's gone 4 in the morning right now, and Jason's without most of his gear, so he can't really go all out All Out the way he wants to, show off and showboat for Grace to illustrate to her how, uhm, colourful and varied the threads are that make up the tapestry that is Gotham. He's limited by addresses he knows off the top of his head and people he knows would be at home right now.

 Enter the cute, slightly-rundown brownstone duplex 4 blocks away from the Scheyichbi Botannical Gardens. It's a pretty chilly night, like frost is an imminent threat, but the front door (that he'd jimmied open) leads to a veritable greenhouse of vegetation, obliging monsteras with leaves dipped low, pothos sprawling like wildfire, a ficus in the corner taller than a man, bundles of mums flourishing up to the size of ottomans. "Pam, don't kill us, 's just Jason!" he'd yelled as soon as he came in, because he knows her and her hair trigger response to invaders (Venus fly traps the size of Honda Civics). "It's an emergency, and Harley if you're in, come say hi too!"

 There's a sound like a mighty oak getting splintered in a storm, but that's just Ivy acting a little dramatic (she's very understandably very sensitive to day-night cycles). There's also a light jingling sound, so it seems like he's gotten a little lucky.

 Grace meanwhile is trying to hide behind his back, this technical criminal gone so awkward over a spot of breaking-and-entering. "Jason, what the hell is going on?" she tries to whisper furtively, but given her throat and her build it's ringing loud and clear.

 The jingling comes closer at a rapid rate.

 "I just wanted you to meet these nerdy chicks I know, you guys can have ladies' night out and talk about how shitty graduate school was, or whatever," Jason says, before ducking down to the ground.

 Grace does not have similar reflexes, and so is helpless in the face of Harley sprinting down the steps, shotgun in one hand, cute pyjama bottoms making the clinking sound 'cos the draw ties have little bells sewn to them. Harley, who'd been ready to kill a second ago, claps eyes on Grace Orca in her living room, and immediately screeches like maybe she's part barn owl. "Oh my god!" she screams, not slowing down a tad, "oh my god, Pammy, come the hell down! Jay's brought in thee cutest girlie in the world!" And just like that Grace is tackled and then picked up in a hug, picked up feet-clear-off-the-ground picked up, and man, Jason's so good at plans.

 "I hate all of you," Pamela says as she comes down the stairs in a robe, and she's a lady up top but today her legs have strangling vines 'round them like it's what she gets instead of leg hair, and when she turns to the side you can just about make out that half her hair's just spines. "What the hell's going on?"

 Jason gets up, brushes himself off. "Pam, Harley, meet my newest friend, Grace Orca. She's got a PhD in marine biology, and she went rogue for a bit 'cos she needed money, and now I'm doing my civic duty in setting her on the right path."

 "Right path," Pamela says testily, scowling at him, plucking burrs from sleep-heavy eyes. "At 4 in the morning?"

 "No time like the present," Jason says, helping her with a seedpod stuck to her lashes. "C'mon," he says real quietly. "She could do with some looking out for, before she gets in too deep."

 They both look over to where Grace is now festooned in a knitted afghan around her shoulders, Harley sitting with her in a loveseat as she very cheerfully spills her life's story to Grace, who goes from looking immensely awkward (Harley's college days) to intensely, feverishly angry (must've hit the joker just now).

 Pamela sighs. "I'm not in the habit of picking up strays," she says meaningfully, even as she grows both ears out into pitcher plants, the better to look more inhuman with.

 "No," Jason says matter-of-factly. "But you've never been one to let a sweet shrub wither, either."

 She can't argue with that.

 (Three hours later, they're all having breakfast at this little hole-in-the-wall diner run by a cute couple that left henchmanning around the time Harley did, and Grace has been made master of

1. The pink and purple afghan from Pam and Harley's lovenest;

2. Jason's credit card;

3. A little woven beach bag Harley had had lying around for short term storage of snacks and items;

and

4. An old smartphone of Pam's, complete with a sim card furnished by Gerry who's the barista, on account of him knowing Akechi who got out of henchmanning a couple of years before he did to start a successful mobile phone kiosk in Queensbury Mall two blocks down).

-

 It's brunch, and Grace and Jason are out in the garden seating area of a cheerful little Brazilian café, enjoying the slight peeks of sun between the clouds. Grace looks a little dazed, which is pretty understandable given a good few hours in the company of Gotham's premiere power couple, but she's also looking pretty, ah, happy. She's got any number of kiss marks all over her face, because Harley's affectionate by nature, and Jason thinks it's an awful cute look on her (he is himself decorated in three).

 "Waylon's office hours are Thursdays and Fridays," he tells her over sandwiches. "Noon to 5, and I texted you his address. He's kinda prickly at the start, and don't call him Killer Croc ever because it's pretty rude, but if you tell him what it's been like for you he'll tell you what it's been like for him, and I think that'll be good for both of you. And the other address I sent to you is this lady that runs this fish shop in the Narrows. I haven't spoken to Alberta in years, don't think she even remembers me, but that woman is unshakeable and loves fish, so I feel like you two would probably get along."

 Grace nods, attentive and studious like she wants to have a pen and notebook in hand to take notes with. In the cool loving light of day, after hours and hours in Jason's company (and then Patrice's and Harley's and Pam's), she's looking a good deal more relaxed, had done little more than good-naturedly say "Don't worry about it," when Euvaldo had let out a manly yell when he'd first been startled by her entrance, and it's a good look. "And who're we meeting now?" She looks around to make sure no one's listening, though given that she's a 9-foot-tall orca-woman of course everyone is straining to eavesdrop even as they politely pretend they aren't. "I think after this I want to go to the aquarium," she tells him, a little shy and a little steely. "I want to let my friends know I'm okay, kindof. I want to figure out if I can get accessibility services to accommodate me, see if I can't get back to doing good work. Seems like after the first scream, people get used to me pretty quick?"

 Jason snorts. "I didn't even scream once, thanks. And I know you're still kinda cut-up about keeping my credit card, so before I let you go off to do your cool girl scientist shit, I thought you'd want to hear from the horse's mouth himself that it's okay for you to commit a little fraud."

 "The horse?" she says quizzically.

 Jason squirms. "My da-"

 "Jason."

 And Jason looks up, and it's Bruce looking at him and at Grace with a broad, unfeeling smile, tenser than a bowstring.

 "Bruce," he says. On one hand, it's maybe an asshole move to spring this on Bruce, but on the other hand, it's not like Bruce wouldn't have heard word of what Jason's been up to. No, the most important thing is to make Bruce see Grace and see how Grace has been failed, systemically and personally, so that maybe next time a different poor fuck won't have to suffer the way she's been made to suffer.

 It's the Red Hood's duty, the purpose of this blood-red bat on his chest, to hold feet to fire, make sure people get exactly what it is they deserve.

 He'd thought he was playing it pretty cool, but just as he's gotten better at reading Grace she's gotten better at reading him, and ah, shit, he had said something about not getting along with his dad, hadn't he? Because Grace has turned to fully face Bruce, and she's stood up and drawn her shoulders back and Jason's half-hidden by the bulk of her tail and the curve of her thigh, and she's baring her teeth at Bruce like she's gearing up for a fight (even though she doesn't know karate). "Who're you?" she snaps, and it's a lucky stroke of luck that she doesn't semm recognise Bruce Wayne in the flesh.

 Bruce doesn't clarify for her. "I'm Bruce," is all he says, not taking a step closer. "I'm Jason's, ah, guardian."

 It's a little hysterical that that's the title Bruce's gone for, and it's not the one Jason (even in his perpetual anger) had assigned to him.

 Grace doesn't look mollified, but she does look over to check on Jason. He pets her tail, and then gently pushes it away so that she can take her seat again. "Grace, it's fine. We're not on the best of terms, but you don't gotta bite his head off."

 "I'm willing to try," she tells Bruce menacingly, even though Jason knows there's no way in hell she'd go for it.

 "Perhaps later," Bruce says politely, taking a seat. "Can I know why you asked me to come here?"

 "Yeah," Jason says. "Got 2 things to put by you. First thing's first; Grace here's in a bit of a tight spot, and I'm offering to help her out by lending her my credit card. Since it's technically yours, I thought she'd feel better if you gave her your blessing."

 Bruce's lips go thin, but she doesn't know he's Bruce Wayne so he can look a little sour and a little cold and a little worried. "Jason, it's your card, it's your money. You don't need my permission to use it. But miss, if it makes you feel better, whatever Jason says is okay, is okay with me."

 Grace still looks discomfited, massive tail twitching behind her. "Cool," she says, but she's looking at Jason.

 "Cool," Jason echoes. "Two, Grace, Bruce here helps run a lot of non-profits. I need you to tell him your story, okay? From the kiddie camp at the aquarium, to the shit going wrong on the yacht, to the things that you had to do to survive after that. You can leave out things if you want, but if you can tell him all the things you told me, it'll help him figure out how to do better in the future."

 She looks a little uncertain, and tries to murmur out the side of her mouth (extremely unsuccessfully). "Even the stuff with the, uh, creature of the night? And the, uh, legal stuff?"

 Jason looks at Bruce, who's sharp enough to see the Shape of Things coming and is already gritting his teeth to bear it, and nods. "All of it, as much as you can manage, Grace".

 And the main reason that Jason's here and Jason had called Bruce despite despite despite, is because even with all the things the man is so so so bad at, there isn't anyone on Earth so dedicated to holding their own feet to the fire, more invested in trying (and often failing) to atone for all his many, many wrongs.

 So Grace tells her story, about too-little-money and too-many-hurts, gunshots and violence and sleeping in the cold dark ocean and being alone and being a criminal and being a no-longer-human struggling to remain a person, and Bruce goes paler and paler and his hands clench tighter and tighter, and Jason watches over all over this as he quietly sips at his limonada suiça.

-

(It goes on for well over an hour, with Bruce asking clarifying questions and taking notes in his phone. Getting things off her chest has Grace mellowing out enough to ask if Bruce wants to join them for lunch, but Bruce had shaken his head, handed off 6 different cards for 6 different people who can help with 6 of Grace's top 10 troubles, and gotten to his feet with a gentle excuse of having a meeting he can't avoid.

"It was good to make your acquaintance, and I hope you'll keep in touch," Bruce had said, shaking Grace's hand. "I'm sorry for all you've had to go through. I hope I can help make things easier for you, and anyone else that might share your circumstances."

And that had taken Jason aback a little, that Bruce had actually apologised, had taken in the enormity of his wrongs and then taken ownership of his faults. It happens more rarely than it should, but goddamn it feels good to have gotten this apology for Grace even if she'll never figure out the true heavy weight of it.

Bruce had looked like he'd wanted to say something to Jason, too, but Jason's too wrung out to want to hear it, and had kept his eyes firmly on the condensation rolling down his glass.

And then Bruce had said, "Thank you for calling me, Jason," and he'd sounded like he meant it, and then he'd left, and Jason had exhaled the heat in his head, and things are a little better now for all of them than they were before.

"He didn't scream even a little when he saw me," Grace had said admiringly. "I see where you get it from, Jason."

And if that ain't a compliment and a damning indictment all at once.)

-

 They split up, after that, Grace saying that she wants some privacy as she works through the mess of things left in her wake, meet-ups and calls to friends and family. He imagines her going through door after door and hearing startled scream after startled scream, and it gives him a little bit of a headache. She's an adult, though, and if she's prepared to do this he'd be doing her a disservice to tail after her.

 So instead Jason had gone home, fully ignored his phone exploding with texts from everyone bombarding him with pictures of him hanging out with Grace Orca, and taken a 10 hour nap. At some point, he think he dreamt that he was in the lily pond behind the Manor, swimming on his back like he's an otter and Sheila had been on top of him, like a baby otter, and the water had tasted of limonada suiça but was the colour of a sizzly electric green.

 Grace had been running around on land, he thinks. Damian had been there too, inexplicably, like even in a dreamscape he'd heard the siren call of wild beasties, and they'd laughed loudly with each other, and then Grace had thrown him into the sky and he hadn't come back down, had stayed in the air like a sugar glider that's a stranger to gravity.

 And then Sheila had rolled over and then gotten heavier and heavier on his chest, and Jason had kept going down and down into the lemonade-not-lemonade, and no one had seen him go down or maybe no one had cared, and he hadn't struggled and just kept sinking.

 He'd woken up with drymouth and a faint desire to drink more lemonade. He'd also woken up and realised he's only ever seen Sheila in his dreams, and there's no text from Grace yet, and it's early out still (only 1 AM), and he feels a little unsettled in his skin. Easy enough to put on a good face for Grace, who for all her build is still a civvy, but in the quiet dark of his own home, Jason's feeling, ah, a little lonesome, a little cold. Sucks, that Red Hoods don't get a Red Hood to look out for 'em.

 Instead of moping for too long, though, he takes a long hot shower, uses up every last drop that boiler has to spare, and dresses real nice and warm, replete with fluffy socks and a scarf around his neck. He grabs a beer and a couple of slices of 2-day-old pizza in foil, puts them into his shopping bag in case he wants to get more snacks on the way. He remembers, this time, and shapes and sharpens a bit of wire into the shape of a fishing hook to bring with him.

 He's still, somehow, got squid on the brain.

 Set and prepped, exhausted and a little cored out and a little light-headed, Jason heads off back to the primordial sea (Dock 3 at Newquay Harbour).

 He gets there, has barely taken a seat with his feet in their fuzzy Christmas socks and Crocs(!) hanging over the side, when there's a splash! and a whump!. Jason turns, already halfway to smiling, and there's Grace, who's fully smiling.

 "Hey, stranger," she says, cheerfulness bubbling up and out her blowhole (!!).

 "Hey yourself," Jason says, relieved despite himself to see her in good spirits. "Someone's in a good mood."

 "Someone's not." Grace is studying him rather intensely. "You okay? Anyone I need to bite?"

 That does get a laugh out of him. "I'm gonna take you up on that offer one day, and you're really gonna regret it."

 She flashes her teeth, and it's a promise and a half. "I have a phone now, so just call me anytime. Seriously, though. You're okay?"

 Jason nods. "Yeah, man. Hearing about your stuff kindof reminded me of some of my stuff, and it's nothing new or super tragic or anything. I'm just a little worn out, which is pretty crazy, since you've been doing all the heavy lifting."

 "Yeah, but I'm built for it, little guy." The joke doesn't land with Jason's mood the way that it is. She stares at him shrewdly, and then she continues. "I'm having drinks with some of the girls from the aquarium on Friday. They're gonna bring a bunch of stuff, and then we'll meet down on the beach for a picnic. You wanna come?"

 Uhm. This is not going in the direction Jason was expecting. "Uh. Nice of you to invite me, but won't it be weird to have me over when you're reconnecting with your friends?"

 Grace just stares at him. "Didn't let weirdness stop you from knocking down Pam and Harley's door at ass o'clock in the morning to introduce me to them, did it? Besides, you're pretty cool, for someone who isn't a marine biologist. I'm kinda easing back into, into regular friendships," into being a person again, she doesn't say, "that kind of thing. I wouldn't mind the moral support?"

 What's a guy to do, even when he's pretty sure he's being manipulated? Jason nods helplessly, fondly. "I might have work, but text me a reminder and I'll try and swing by for a drink. That good?"

 She beams at him, and what an experience it is, to be smiled at by this hallowed face, her pale underbelly glowing in the light pollution like a beacon. "Sounds great. And come in early on Friday, with a change of clothes, okay?"

 "What for?" He frowns. "You need help with something?"

 She shakes her marvelous, majestic head. "No. Maryam's a post-doc at the aquarium and her partner's working as part of the conservation trust managing the breeding harbour seal population like 2 hours north from here. The plan is to relocate Sheila so she's not at risk of being hit by a boat, and we're gonna need someone who can help with transporting her. I told Maryam that I knew a guy who knew a guy, but really I meant you."

 Oh, my. Jason, unlike Grace, can turn red. Luckily the blustering winds already has him flushed, so maybe she can't tell. "How did we get to a point where you're the one doing me favours already?" he says, instead of saying no I don't want to help move Sheila, don't pity me. Because, well. It isn't pity, is it? Hadn't been pity when he saw her for the first time, either.

 "Always been told I'm a quick learner," Grace says, and then she blinks audaciously at him, and on god she seems to have twice the number of eyelids than the average person, and this has Jason bursting into startled laughter so hard he almost rolls off the dock, and is only saved by Grace grabbing him round the shoulders, and she's so startled by it she'd started clicking at him, and this makes him laugh even harder, and he laughs so hard he almost cries, in the circle of the arms of an orca-person who should be a killer but is instead insanely tender-hearted about seals and sad lads alike.

(Turns out, the truth of it is;

If you look out for people, people will look out for you too).

a/n: super secret tumblr-limited author's note here. man this fic really took me places. i feel like i'm usually a lot more explicit about theming, and half wonder if jason's slump in mood near the end felt like it came out of nowhere, but i wanted to give him highs (this incredible man looking out for this killer lady) and also give him lows (who watches the watchman and he's afraid the answer is No One). i also worry i didn't give grace enough of a personality.... turns out i'd like to work on how to give people flavour even when they aren't the pov character!!

and i put in a bunch of references to other fics and it felt really self-indulgent but i think they work even if you've never read anything else from me and it for me felt like a victory lap... like oh, yeah, what a built-up lived-in gotham you've set up for yourself!!

anyways this has been the first fic in a long long time where i felt really relaxed about writing.... feels nice man.....

[brisquad-unit-4402]

okay lots of post-minotaur thoughts. i really should’ve liveblogged but Whatever, these are very disorganized because i’m hopping in-between different parts of the movie as well as the 3d celebration zatsu

i think a lot of folks have picked this up: this is the vtuber bo burnham inside

the entire time i watched this i was like “man how come i can’t have an expansive mind palace to roam within”

bc uhhh. idk if this is the same for you or anyone else out there. but when i think about myself doing something it’s in first person, never actually my imagination conjuring up a Unit 4402 doing the something

and that sidetracked me so hard during how to get away with murder bc MAN i wish whenever i had mental breakdowns over my character i could imagine myself as a quirked up unit 4402 with a little bit of swag busting it down sexual style while i have 4 clones of myself goated with the sauce

i’ve never seen the joker but i’m pretty sure the how to get away with murder dance is vtuber joker dance

it is so awkward watching the post 3d zatsu rn and seeing people in chat miss the point

especially bc i think the thing that most got to me and affected me was the classroom scene. such a relatable foundation, especially for people like us, the nightmare of Being Wrong in front of everyone else and an authority who are in the loop and you’re the only one out

like. that’s actually insidious. incredibly effective way to deliver the ugly parts of the job: who doesn’t want to know everything about what they love even if parasocial. i’m sure we can all recognize the boundaries of how to interact with streamers and i do hope if you’re on my blog it’s with respect to the streamers, but the intrusiveness, lack of privacy, goddamn. the conditioning of vox sitting at the desk as soon as he can

i really do think the horse is the most british thing i’ve ever seen

i… am trying very hard not to be pretentious about the horse, and i am trying very hard not to be praising a vtuber because the initial reaction is to praise them innately, but i really do think that is peak surrealism and i could make a full post on this scene alone. like, on a metatextual level. times new roman 12pt double spaced d-o-n-t t-e-s-t m-e

ok update i’ve been informed about the peter the horse is here meme. i stand by my words

i’m going to be real i’m replaying the first scene a lot just because i… really cannot understand this without subtitles

i know we’re all laughing along with every cowboy luca line but we need to recognize the understated champion: shu “naw”

WAIT IM SKIPPING THROUGH SOME SCENES TO CATCH THINGS IVE MISSED. THE FUCK YOU MEAN THE TAKEOUT BOX IN HIS FRIDGE IS CHICKEN DICKNOCKERS

also oooooh. i get it now. “sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didn’t care all that much” is a driving line for the film. everything that unfolds is a consequence OF caring too much and just enough. the fact that the bed’s been made and he has to lie in it. by the end this line doesn’t matter because he’s learned to accept his nature. and if you wanted to get paradoxical he’s learned to not care about that line

i wish i understood the words in lyrics the first time i hear them. someone give me a transcript, i’ll be unstoppable then

the second i saw the text for Inside A Demon’s Soul (Whenever Vox Akuma Devours A Human Soul, This Is Where They Go) i paused. sat there. and laughed so hard because that is maybe the easiest meme format i’ve ever seen in the the same way as everything everywhere all at once rock scene. put a white shape over the text, write down the time stamp. now you have a banger man standing that follows the standard top text bottom text base formula

when he stood up in the forest at the beginning of the labyrinth i really did see a minecraft Vox_Akuma joined the game banner in my mind’s eye

vox please drop the ost as soon as possible i need he who waits eternity and how to get away with motherfucking murder in my playlists asap

also how to get away with murder reminds me a little introvert by little simz. hard to describe, i think it’s because they both sound so spacious and be these long, introspective songs that never really Feel like they’re dragging on because of all the beat changes and stuff, you know? vox’s rap isn’t helping

i cannot end this post without talking about

THE INDOMITABLE FULGUR OVID BABYYYYYY

the way i furrowed my brow the SECOND i saw that hand

the way i yelled the second i saw his face

hehe. despite everything i am dearly a comfydant. i can’t think of anyone better than fuuchan for the beach scene, i’m so grateful he’s here

i mentioned “sometimes i wonder what it would be like if i didn’t care care all that much.” i now raise you “of course it matters, it matters to you… brother the only thing that would make you a bad person is letting that stop you from doing any good things”

and of course the hug

idk what to say about the hug. it’s very needed. and from fuu of all people who understands integrating lore and streaming, understands the divide, pretended to beef with vox only to become one of his close friends, i really can’t imagine it with anyone else

do you guys think box tenshi is Apathy. i think i’ll need to sit on it for a bit but i’m seeing some threads about how tenshi is what happens when that takes over and vox chooses not to care about the people he’s hurt for his own comfort. after all his character is entirely on balancing the little delights and missteps of humanity, and the nature of a predator demon. i’m sure i could elaborate later on

should i, like, be critical…? because i do have things that i’m critical about, but this was a very delightful watch and it’s changed me fundamentally

i like vtubers because of the balance between fantasy and real and this movie very much does cater from that. all media requires the suspension of disbelief but with the way minotaur is delivered it kind of toys with Suspension of Disbelief as in-verse environment, too. fandom, anti, and collective opinion are their own characters in this movie and that just cannot be captured in a medium like fictional, scripted entertainment, you know… it’s very bo burnham inside. but the difference is that inside is everyday people would assume these expectations. as vtuber watchers we’ve full-on experienced the good and bad ourselves. i mean… how many times have you said your opinion on vox online. seems someone act weird in chat. i write fanfiction, i contribute to expectation too because i participate in fandom. that’s just the natural effect of being an internet personality, so the least we can do is be respectful of it and be critical of ourselves so we can maintain that respect to each other and the streamer

but i guess that’s preachy of me vox illustrated the point on his own wonderfully

i could do cornell notes on this movie

[ssreeder]

sreedie. it is time.

NO SOKKA baby people want to be your friend you just DONT LET THEM

pls sokka thinking he can gaslight himself out of being in pain is so in character but so. goddamn Frustrating

sokka is giving anna from frozen with his whole “my firebender’s awake so IM awake” deal

listen I get why sokka is like oh I should cut back on the swearing if I wanna Grow as a person but like,,, as an australian the concept of swearing being Bad is just so foreign to me lmao

I think it’s a really interesting component of the zukka relationship (highlighted by your traumatic drowning scene thx sreedie) that sokka’s instinct is to try to hide in/behind zuko??? like he’s obviously very protective of zuko too, but I think that in a way, even when sokka is on the offensive and is the person defensive zuko from the outside world he’s still using zuko as like, idfk a shield?? of sorts??? to deflect away his fear for himself and all that jazz… does that make any sense whatsoever????? idfk lads

STOP ik it’s a super serious moment but all I could think about when sokka was like “he had to do it for zuko” wAS THE FUCKING let me do it for you tiktok sound T-T

not aang talking like an actual certified therapist at 12 years of age omfg- wish I was that emotionally well adjusted fr

damn sokka really said #codependecy

FUCK PLEASE TELL SOKKA ABOUT YHE FUCKINF VEINS PLEASE SREEDIE IM STRESSED AS ALL HELL

F U C K

Y E S

finally ohmygod

katara: I can feel the toxins in zuko’s blood

iroh externally: oh?

iroh internally: whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

LMFAO zuko calling sokkatara momo while his body is actively trying to kill itself as a JOKE is the most zuko thing ever. the most comedic thing about this boy is his absolutely Disastrous timing (by which I mean it’s impeccable)

PRISON PALS I still love that moniker <3

noooo not zuko worrying about shen when we know damn well shen got kebabed >:(

can katara please tell sokka that zuko wants him by his side. like girl. please.

okay I really do Not want this to happen, nor do I think it actually Will happen bc uhm duh, but it would be like,, so ironic of zuko did just die. like they went through all that and for what LMAO (it’s not funny it’s Not Funny why am I giggling to myself)

FINALLY A MENTION IF THE MIRACULOUS TEETH KEEPING OF ZUKKA NATION

lmao sokka is worrying himself into a early grave bc he cares so much about zuko but he’s also 100% ready to immediately assume that zuko let him down by outing sokka as a liar (I mean he’s right, but still. harsh)

woah woah woah sokka calm your tits man, rasu might be sex on legs but your sister is only 14 and that’s just gross

SEE rasu my reasonable child <3 (he’s also so snarky I actually love him so. much.)

insane how fast sokka switches from “rasu >:(“ to “rasu :D” when he learns that rasu knows zuko lol

YOU CANT TAKE THE NERD OUT OF SOKKA BABYYY (same.)

“sipping the sauce” LMAO

uh yeah rasu I think jee has every right to be worried ngl

sokka is just out here exposing himself bc he’s JEALOUS I cannot anymore with this boy

“prince zuko is a character without trying to be one” yKW I JUST REALISED?? ZUKO HAS MAJOR MR BEAN ENERGY just more homocidal and uh,, traumatised

god thinking about jet’s amputation has me squeamish as FUCK

sokka rearranging his book stack so the sex book is in the middle is so relatable agsjekfpf it’s giving the same energy as getting a massage and hiding your underwear between the rest of your clothes after you get changed into the robe thing

not sokka being endeared by zuko’s love for the art of thievery <3 mood

SHIT FUCK QUON

DICKHEAD

OMG WAIT IS HE GONNA RECOGNISE SOKKA AS RHE BITXH THAT ZUKO KISSED PRIOR TO KIDNAPPING

damn. after all that and sokka just exposed himself. cant even blame it on zuko this time buddy.

you can always count on little sisters to put you back in your place (as the little sister can confirm)

woag.

not the angst train going past us like choo choo motherfuckers.

I am not going to bag katara in any way, shape, or form for pretending to be sokka to get information out of zuko bc I would’ve so done the same thing with like,, zero hesitation. maybe I’m just a lying liar who lies though so idk

anyways: screaming, crying, destroying your living room and smashing all your lightbulbs.

I’m so mad that there’s no zukka reunion BUT !! you did give us a library which I was SUPER not expecting but enthralled by nonetheless so ig I’ll have to forgive you

ANYWAYS hope life has retired from kicking you around bc that’s my job and I’m the only one allowed to make you suffer >:(

also I just reread my last comment and realised I already said I’d smash all your lightbulbs so ig this is just a trend now. have fun living in medieval times forever ex-lover <3

Oh shit that’s so true, Sokka is very Anna and Zuko is very Elsa haha. (Odd how that happened lol)

Soooo I do think Sokka depends on Zuko WAY too much, emotionally physically mentally - but if that’s all he has to keep him waking up in the morning who am I to stop him. (But building up his own physical strength, dealing with his own issues instead of just focusing on zukos trauma, and allowing other people in his life to get close to him and then help him would be GREAT ;))

Sokkatara is now canon I’m obsessed with the nickname leekie beloved your brain is too big.

Rasu was like “oh no this kids crazy” & then Sokka said “tell me about Zuko” and rasu twirls his hair and giggles “SURE” & that’s how friends are formed. Take notes.

Katara & Sokka just need to get into one big “getting along shirt” and call it a day… but I kind of think Sokka would try to claw his way out… so yeah we don’t do that.

Lies are being exposed and Sokka has ZERO ground to keep standing on so he better accept the help or he is really going to drown. Ha.

LEEKI STOP SMASHING MY LIGHTBULBS I GOT TWO FLASHLIGHTS AND I CANT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE.

Alright ex love I will see you soon!! :) <3

[ghstfacr]

🌻

send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the hell i want .

i'm circling back to the titanic to talk about bruce ismay the little bitch boy who was almost singlehandedly responsible for the sinking .

this motherfucker this absolute goblin bitch of a man was the proprietor of the ship right he gave them money and therefore decided it was a dance monkey dance type of situation . so this asshole is like hey besties i know it's fucking pitch black and we're in the middle of nowhere and it's freezing so like maybe ICE WOULD FORM HERE but i paid for the boat so like . . ........ what if we make her go faster 🥺👉👈

which is all shitty in itself right dude buys his way into a ship crash but THEN when it DOES crash , does he go down with it ?? does he take even a second to be like hmm yeah that's my bad ????? NOPE this absolute trash weasel was ON THE THIRD LIFEBOAT . which is ANOTHER thing :

guess how many lifeboats there were before this utter bitch boy amoeba slug ass of a man got his hands on this ship ??? FORTY EIGHT . guess how many there were once he was done redesigning to make the first class staterooms bigger take a guess have you guessed the number is SIXTEEN . THERE WERE SIXTEEN LIFEBOATS OH MY GOD EAT THE RICH

AND THEN ?????? THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK UNTIL HE GETS BACK TO LAND HE SPENDS THE ENTIRE JOURNEY FUCKING CATATONIC DOPED UP ON OPIOIDS BEING COMFORTED BY A GODDAMN KID WHO'D JUST LOST HIS DAD IN THE CRASH THAT THIS FUCKING WET SOCK OF A HUMAN BEING D I R E C T L Y C A U S E D i hate him i hate him so much i wish i could bring him back to life and kill him again i hate him

[svartalfhild]

Svar Watches BBC Robin Hood for the First Time - Season 1

So I recently decided to finally get around to seeing a show I've been meaning to watch for like nearly 10 years. I am so far past missing the boat on this one, but since I've been doing a bit of a "catching up on shows from the 2000's I didn't really get to see at the time" run lately, I thought I'd record my thoughts for y'all's amusement.

So here we go, Season 1 thoughts:

Every single one of these Merry Men, including Robin, suffers from Just Some Guy disease, fucking RIP

Except Djaq. Djaq is cool.

We can all agree that Much is clearly a little gay for Robin, right?

Guy of Gisborne is such an asshole, but unfortunately Richard Armitage is too good at his job, so Guy is also hot.

The Sheriff is cartoonishly evil and I hate him, but I'm kind of loving how just like a lot his personality is. Like this bitch belongs in a cracktastic Crusader Kings playthrough, holy shit.

Damn, Marian really is the only fully competent motherfucker in the whole place, huh?

Make that two competent motherfuckers, adding Djaq.

Man, this writing is super shabby in places, but when they hit, they fucking hit.

This show really bills itself as a fun adventure show but boy does it have shit to say at times, shit that was kinda ballsy of them to be saying in 2006. Like positively portraying Muslim characters and condemning pointless wars in the Middle East (the messaging on this gets muddled in a few places, but the fact that it's in there at all is impressive). Like you expect to see class struggle and sexism talked about in Robin Hood, but I wasn't expecting them to do so much with the "oh yeah, we just got back from Palestine and we have PTSD and maybe the Crusade is really bad actually". Bravo.

Ah, but this is a BBC show, so we can't have anti-monarchism. King Richard is totally awesome and is definitely going to make everything better when he gets back. Like I know that's baked into the Robin Hood tales, but they could lean into it less in places, I feel.

I think part of what makes Guy so captivating is that he's complicated and clearly suffers from a lot of inner conflict. I love knowing why villains are Like That, and we get so much about him from seeing his initial reactions to things vs. his behaviour after the Sheriff talks to him. Even just watching Richard Armitage's facial expressions is so rewarding. He gives us so much information about Guy just with his body language. Fucking brilliant.

Holy shit the more of this I watch, the more I'm like oh yeah Guy is an abuse victim and the Sheriff is his abuser. Like obviously that's not an excuse for any of the multitudes of evil things he does, but damn that boy is caught in a cycle. It has all the classic abuse features. Having his impressionable nature/eagerness to please taken advantage of. Being constantly inflicted with physical and emotional violence. Being manipulated into making choices against his judgement and editing himself to better fit what his abuser wants him to be. Being isolated from positive influences and being told to reject other sources of validation and support. Having his toxic masculinity heavily reinforced. Being consistently ignored and undervalued. The list goes on.

Anyway, I think I have a new blorbo now. I don't have many evil blorbos these days, but he's earned his place. I hope he gets good character development. Or at least gets to stab the Sheriff.

Much annoyed me a bit in the beginning, but he's starting to grow on me after he stood up to Robin and went through that business of the noble title.

God, I just want to shake Guy by the shoulders like you have everything you need to be more interesting to Marian than Robin, but you're fucking blowing it so hard, my dude. Ah, but alas, it must be this way.

I want to shake Robin by the shoulders like you would have this in the bag dude if you would just actually listen to Marian and support her instead of telling her what you think she should do all the time. Goddamn he and Guy ultimately have the same fucking problem.

#TeamFuckAllYallLetMarianRunEverythingActually

BRUH IF I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY TIME GUY WANTED TO MAKE A GOOD DECISION FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE AND THEN FUCKING SWERVED AT THE LAST SECOND BECAUSE OF SOME SHIT THE SHERIFF SAID I'D BE RICH BY NOW SWEET JESUS.

I can't believe they ended this season on the most Good Job, Lads moment oh my god it's so cheesy but so on brand.

To see my Season 2 thoughts, go here.

[cryptidofthekeys]

CW aka Gift Thief Sona

Oh btw, here’s the uh sona for the whole gift thieves stuff

lmao I legit decided well hes gonna change REGARDLESS of what I do, just like CC, he’s changed s o goddamn much from his og document

sooo... yeah, also with each media Pelo releases I gain a new initial themed character- The Initial Collective grows

also I realized while editing this CW also stands for fucking content warning HFJDKSHDSK- ya know what im keeping it, fuck it we ball

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

| Name: Chase (me? Using MY name again bc I’m too lazy for anything else? LMAO yeah) Wolfe

| Nicknames: CW, Cryptid/Crypts

| Pronouns/Sexuality: He/Him (Trans FTM) and CW is p much Polyamorous

| Age: 30

| Species/Race: Human (White/American)

| Height: 5’5”

| Occupation: Has a small business The Cryptid’s Comforts (he sells comfort character letters and packages)

| Hair Color: Dark Brown (Spiky quiff)

| Eye Color: Gunmetal Blue

| Body Type: He’s fat

-------------------------------------------------

| Appearance: CW (wow, I got CC and now CW …T h e C o l l e c t i o n  g r o w s…) wears light pastel purple hoodie with puppy/dog and flower designs on it) has some mint colored pants that go with it

(they look somewhat like pajama pants) and then finally he wears checkered sneakers that match his outfit (his right shoe is light pastel purple and the left is mint green)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

He has some light pastel gauge earrings, has a silver puppy paw necklace that has purple gemstones all over it, he has a circle beard before I forget that detail, he’s painted his nails to match his aesthetic.

--------------------------------------

Only scars he has is his top surgery scars, has lil fangs (those are real btw), has a BUNCH of light pastel purple and mint bandaids all over him (legit it’s for aesthetics plus I dig OCs with bandaids on em like that lmao)

-----------------------------------------------------

| Personality: Lmao watch this bullshit change IMMENSELY over time, ya know what, I’m gonna TRY to stick with basics- CW is a pathetic wet cat of a guy,, he has NO rizz, gets NO bitches but god d a m n will he try (gonna rizz up that Blueberry dude and Bandron) sucks at flirting, hell this dumbass motherfucker wouldn’t even KNOW if someone was flirting with HIM.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Aside from that however…

CW is actually super sweet, kind, caring, wouldn’t hurt a fly in all honesty… Can be very oblivious to some pretty obvious danger (CW THEY ARE GOING TO SHOOT YOU N STEAL YOUR SHIT S T O P BEING GAY FOR THEM- ‘’hehe, funny blueberry man and silly robot go brrr’’)

------------------------------------------------------------------

CW is super chill usually, seems carefree (trust me, he’s not just carefree lmao) ALSO a lot of people seem concerned for him because he’s got some VERY dark circles around his eyes and his eyes are usually half-lidded anyways, he looks EXHAUSTED but he promises he’s actually genuinely fine! (he is tho legit, he just has that look)

-------------------------------------------------------------

He can also be so so silly …What does that mean? … 🤡

-----------------------------------------------------

| Side Facts: When CW isn’t working on letters/packages, in his free time he’s usually playing video games (now you might think bc of his aesthetic it’ll be something like Stardew, MC, AC, etc …Yes actually but he fucking LOVES horror games the most)

--------------------------------------------------

In fact he has tons and TONS of horror games, merch, etc- He fucking LOVES horror a lot which throws people for a loop whenever they see his house both inside and out (his house LITERALLY looks fucking scary even on the outside) there’s a cute pastel colored house not that far from his actual house.

----------------------------------------------------

Whenever he invited someone over for the first time it legit went like “Oh, is that your house? It’s so cute!” CW just blinks and then shakes his head with a soft laugh “What? Oh no, that’s not mine, that one’s mine” and then he points to fuckin haunted ass lookin’ house on the hill (cue dark storm clouds and lightning)

---------------------------------------------

CW also listens to music a lot, in fact he’s rarely seen without his headphones (music can help him function in general, also,, it helps him de-stress) sometimes he’ll be writing or drawing and then other times he’s playing his electric guitar (never plays in front of others, he’s very self conscious tbh)

----------------------------------------------

I don’t actually have a very coherent storyline for him just yet lmao but I know that’ll change, the same way it did with CC- It’ll change. The only difference is genuinely that I’m sticking MOSTLY to canon, like he goes to that one place to choose a gift, it gets stolen, etc.

(also a side edit: ...i do have- s o m e ‘’lore’’ now in those regards but not sure how many people actually wanna hear that shit so lmao)

------------------------------------------------------------

Final tidbits are that CW has a southern accent and speaks in a soft spoken tone of voice most of the time, only time he gets loud is when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about or his hyperfixation/special interests.

-----------------------------------------------------------

(Bats, Hyenas, and Dogs are his main animal themed special interests, he knows a LOT and can talk your ears off about those funky lil creechurs, but there’s a LOT more I’d be here all day tho otherwise so yeye)

-------------------------------------------------------------

I guarantee all this will change lmao,, he just doesn’t feel… Silly enough but who knows for now

[countlessrealities]

Wingnut.

The word bounces around in Rick's head for the whole time of the walk to the mutant's "home". It's a funny one, but he likes it. It has character, which is more than he can say of most Earthen names these days. His own included.

And thank the stars that there's only one person who calls him Richard.

The scientist doesn't voice his opinion or any of those thoughts, merely following instead, not batting an eye even when she has him climbing inside a manhole, of all places. He has lost count of how many times he has walked in the sewers, both on Earth and on many alien planets, so this is anything but new for him. And if he had to be honest? Human-made sewers smell good compared to some of the places he has been to.

The lair in itself turns out to be not so bad. It reminds Rick of the places he used to crash at in his younger years, back when he was splitting his time between fighting the Federation, exploring the multiverse and looking for the motherfucker who killed his family. It's messy and chaotic and cozy.

"Y-You and your pals live here? D-Damn, this rocks," he comments, in a relatively low voice. Not as quiet as he could have been, but still enough not to disturb the sleeping mutants.

However, the second part of Wingnut's instructions is obviously lost on him, since he pokes and prods at everything as he follows her through the mess.

"P-Phone? What phone?" Rick cocks an eyebrow at the mutant, unable to decide if he's more confused by the question or by the toaster in his hands. "I-I never said that i-it was a fuckin" phone. An-And don't need an adapter, Jesus, j-just..."

His voice trails off and he hands the toaster back to Wingnut before squeezing past her. One of his hands fishes an odd hexagonal device out of his pocket, which instantly laces on the plug socket through thin cables. The object lights up like a disco ball hit by colourful lights and next he's pulling out his portal gun.

"Y-Your electrical system sucks, y-you know that? S-Shit, it's a goddamn miracle nothing has caught fire yet." Unless it already has. "I-It could take even me a whole day t-to fix this fuckin' mess. L-Like, who was the idiot who set it up? D-Damn."

As he rambles, his fingers work incredibly swiftly to plug the gun to the device, through another, thicker cable that wasn't there a second before.

"T-There. Should take a couple of hours. An-And now you have high tech plug socket tha-that can power all your updated kitchen appliances. Y-You're welcome."

“Found is one way to put it.” They were raised together, which made them more… adopted? Not really. They all came from the same place- same father, even if he didn’t personally make them. Would that count? The more she’s questioning this line of thinking the less it makes sense. She pushes it aside for now, and walks along with him. Some heads turn but most are unbothered; another ordinary day in New York, nobody bats an eye. Not at her and certainly not the scientist- Rick.

He gestured like he came with someone- but nobody was there. Did he have some kind of… travel buddy? If he did they got seperated at one point or another. She’ll have to ask later, now they just need to focus on getting home. So she’s fixing her posture and her smile on with it, “Wingnut.” It’s tempting to add more information, but it’s a temptation she ignores. Instead she can take flight and begin their trek on the way home, she just needs to remember which manhole cover was the one they tagged- just in case.

However long it took to get back home, it wasn’t fast enough. Though the stressful part of getting down from the manhole and walking through cramped and foul smelling sewers just to make their way to somewhat livable was- that was the easy part. The hard part? How she’s going to explain to anyone how and why she brought home a complete stranger just because he was a possible time travelling alien. Or a completely mundane but still weird old man. She’s had- better luck.

Still, she can’t help be a little nervous and it’s why she’s talking rapidfire even if it’s barely above a whisper. “And- Everybody should be asleep so if you- just stay quiet and don’t touch anything you’ll be fine,” and now, Wingnut is more concerned with finding the damn- charger. She steps over an extension cord left out by the couch, weaved her way into the cramped kitchen. Lifting up the unplugged toaster and without thinking hands it off to Rick. “What kind of phone was it? I swear we had the adaptive cable somewhere,”

[sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff]

Defense towards the fences Doctor!hawks x fem!patient!reader

ALSO REALLY QUICK THANK YOU @ari-tart-3114 FOR HELPING ME WRITE THIS!

2037 words

You are 22 in this story and he's also the same age, you have a quirk that can make a force field out of crystal and also make weapons out of crystal (basically you can do what Yaomomo can do but with crystals and make a force field) your quirk also activates and makes the force field when you feel like you're scared.

Key:

y/n=first name

l/n=last name

f/g= favorite gem

f/n=friends name

Now onto the story...

Normal POV

You hadn't planned for anything like this

nope

You had originally had tried to cover up the fact that you hadn't seen the doctor in several years but nooooooooooo your friend just had to intervene when you made a goddamn joke

So now here you were sitting in the waiting room your arm being held so as to keep you down because you kept trying to get up and leave

Your POV

stupid f/n keeping me anchored to this stupid chair in this stupid waiting room. like why am I even here I don't need to be here.

"y/n l/n" the nurse called out

"I will never forgive you for this f/n"

"Trust me I wouldn't pick a bad doctor for you mainly because I don't want you to kill me lol"

*sigh*

"hello ms.l/n my name is Tokoyami I'm an intern here but will be serving as your nurse today I'm going to be running a few vitals for you before the doctor sees you"

so he takes me to an exam room and starts taking my vitals

"so it shows here that the last time you were here was 5 years ago "

"I'm well aware of how long it's been sir"

he then finished taking my vitals and then the thing I've been fearing came out:

"the doctor will be in shortly"

fuck

fuck fuck fuckity fuck

what am I gonna do now?

do I even have an escape plan?!?!

how will I get back home without people knowing?

do I even have my purse with me?

how will I even get out of this room without people knowing?

will I be able to smoothly sneak out?

maybe I can-

"Ms.l/n may I come in?"

well shit

"u-u-uh s-s-s-sure?"

"well hello there, how are you today?"

maybe I can outsmart him?

"um I-I'm g-g-good t-today?"

"ok well, I'm going to ask you some questions and check a few things out."

"u-u-u-um o-o-o-ok?"

"alrighty, let's get started" he said as he put on the latex exam gloves ;)

Welp no escaping now

I look at him, blushing at what he is doing. Hawks looks at my blushing face, he looks at me smirking.

“Don’t get the wrong idea.”

“W-what?”

“I mean,” Hawks says, moving his hands up and down his own body, “I may be hot but this body is for the bird's eyes only”

“The woman was too stunned to speak” I thought to myself.

“However,” Hawks says (oooh gosh) “I am more than willing to make an exception for you Ms. Swan lady”

AHHHHHHH.

MOTHERFUCK WHY IS HE SO DAMN HOT?!?!?!?!?

WHY IS THE ANXIETY SUDDENLY WORSE

DAMN YOU SEXY BIRDMAN PERIOD

“I-I-I-umm,”

THINK Y/N WHAT DO WE SAY?!?!?!?!?

“What’s wrong y/n cat got your tongue?”

MOTHERFUCKER WHY

THE FUCKING AUDACITY.

“N-no I-I’m f-fine”

“Then answer the question I asked you”

“W-what d-did you ask me I-I z-zoned o-out”

“I said,” he looked straight at me, “Do you…want me?”

“T-to -w-what?”

“To ya know…give you a few so you can actually function again?”

“N-n-n-no I-I-I-I w-want t-t-to g-g-get t-this d-done a-as s-soon a-as p-p-p-possib-ble”

“Fine, then I’m just gonna… come under your shirt…”

THIS CANNOT BE FUCKING HAPPENING

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

I scooted backward more a little as my eyes widened to be larger than goddamn dinner plates

“Oh come on y/n It’s not that bad it’ll just be a little cold but that’s the worst of it”

*gulp*

“O-o-ok u-u-u-u-u-u-um”

*sigh* “ok then let’s see who can maintain eye contact the longest how about that”

“U-u-u-um o-o-o-ok”

So I stared at him and focused on that then I suddenly felt this cold ass thing on my chest and my eyes widen even more than before

“Breathe in cutie”

“W-w-what?”

“Breathe in deep I said.”

“Yes daddy” I say under my breath.

I gasp, and so do Hawks.

I walk away from him and create a force field made out of f/g away from him.

“So that's your quirk” Hawks says quietly. Just as he is about to approach you, the field gets thiccer.

“I-I-I’M S-S-SO S-S-S-SORRY!”

“Say y/n,” Hawks looks at you, or more like, at your quirk, “How about you stay at UA, as a defense teacher”

“Wwwwait, what?”

“Your defence shield looks amazing, I’m assuming this is your quirk, correct?”

“Yes, that's correct”

“Good t-then I can l-leave r-right?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA no”

“Wwwhyyyy?”

“You need to pack and finish here with me”

“B-B-BUT-”

“No buts I have an obligation as your doctor to carry out this check-up and make sure your body is running the way it should”

“I survived this long didn’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean it’s healthy”

“DILLIGAF”

“What?”

“D-I-L-L-I-G-A-F DILLIGAF AND THAT MEANS: DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK”

“Yeah nice try Y/N just because you are being sassy doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you go before I finish doing my job”

“yOU cAnT MAkE mE”

“Wanna bet?”

“I just want to go doc”

“Fine fine I’ll go as quick as you can but the speed at which I can go at or finish relies completely on your compliance”

“No promises on my end”

“Fine”

I reluctantly went on with the rest of the appointment and everything was going fine until-

“Ok now I’m going to need you to lie down and lift your shirt up for me”

“W-W-WHAT?!?!?”

“What’s wrong now y/n?” and THIS MAN HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY THIS IN AN EXASPERATED TONE

“I- you know what you w-wouldn’t understand”

“What are you talking about-”

“HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU NOT NOTICE HOW FAT I AM?!?”

"Y/N you are literally the opposite of fat you are actually underweight by 20lbs”

“OH YEAH THEN WHY DO PEOPLE TELL ME I AM FAT THEN?!?!?” tears were welling up in my eyes

“They probably need their vision checked or because you don’t seem to wear anything that really accentuates your shape. Now can you please lay down so I can get you finished up? Because I wouldn’t want you feeling more anxious than you probably are.”

“F-f-fine”

“Thank you”

He then lifted my shirt up and started to press his hands in all different places on my tummy and then we ran into a little issue-

My abs. They were EXTREMELY ticklish

*squeak*

“Was that a squeak I just heard? Are you ok?”

Me now flustered more than I was earlier when he walked in

“U-u-u-uh yeaha”

“Are you sure about that sweetheart?”

“Y-yeah”

“Then you shouldn’t mind me doing this”

And of course what he decides to do is tickle the crap out of me.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO”

“Awwww look at you you’re so cute all flustered and giggly for me and I’m barely touching you~”

“YOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOU AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASS”

“Aww now that’s not very nice now if only you could comply and you wouldn’t be in the position”

“FIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHINE”

“Good now let’s keep going”

And just when I thought the nightmare was finally over…

“Well it looks like you haven't had any immunizations in a while so you’ll need to get those today”

“OH HEEEELLL NO”

“Sorry Y/N this is necessary”

“NOPE I’M DONE HERE”

I then proceeded to sprint out of the room and down the hall and make it back into the waiting room and manage to almost leave the building

Notice how I said almost

I had no idea how fast this guy was and massively underestimated what someone with wings could do in a building

Because this fucker managed to catch up to me and restrain me as I was about to leave the building

NOOOOOO I WAS SO CLOSE

“Sorry Y/N but you’ve gone too far”

“LET ME GO DAMNIT”

“No”

He then takes us both back to the exam room and restrains me to the chair with… his feathers?

WTF

“I’m sorry Y/N but I have to do this I know needles are scary I completely understand but you can’t just run out like that”

I had started shaking in my place tears filling my eyes and tried to scoot back but I was held in place very tightly

HAWKS POV

Poor kid she looks terrified what am I gonna do I can only keep her in place for so long before

I go to speak but she beats me to it

“I-I-I’M-M-M S-SC-CA-ARE-D-D P-P-LE-EASE N-NO”

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” the girl looks confused at my comment, sort of relaxed.

“EASY FOR YOU TO SAY IT’S NOT HAPPENING TO YOU”

“What do you mean by that?” Now I’m the one confused

“IT DOESN’T HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GETTING STABBED WITH A NEEDLE”

“WELL I’M NOT GONNA STAB YA HOWS THAT” that was the first time I ever yelled at anyone. Y/N looks at me then breathes in.

“Ahhhh thank goodness” she looked so released, and for the first time that day, i notice the little shine in her eyes.

“So h-how many do I need to get?”

“Never mind that,” I say, jumping out of my chair.

“Huh?” She looks confused, “What do you mean?”

“How would you like to be a student-teacher at UA?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

I’m not gonna tell her because it would totally make her more aware of the situation

“What’s wrong with me asking? Weren't we walking about it earlier?” I ask her as I prepare the 3 needles with my back turned to her

“Y-yeah but still makes no sense”

Crap I needed to act fast if I want to keep her mind off of it so I can keep her stress down

“I just wanted to pick up where we left off ya know?”

“O-oh o-ok”

YOUR POV

“So what do you think of my idea?” he asked me as he turned around and stared into my eyes with his golden ones

“U-um I don’t think I-I would b-be qualified”

And I somehow didn’t notice him rolling my sleeves up and wiping both my shoulders down with an alcohol wipe

“You seem smart and qualified to me and your quirk is really strong from what I can tell”

*poke*

“OW WHAT THE FUCK”

“There now your shots are done. All three of them”

“Wait HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!?!?!”

“My quirk allows me to be able to multitask and I was able to administer all three at once”

I was speechless

Truly fucking speechless

“And you managed to take ‘em like a champ,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders

“So how about we meet up sometime maybe… at a nice restaurant?”

“Uh uh uh uh-” damn this man and his ability to fluster me easily

“Just nod or shake your head maybe that will be easier”

I nodded my head

“Great! Then how about tomorrow night and maybe we can talk about that student-teacher position at UA?”

“Sure”

He then handed me a post-it with his number on it and a smiley at the bottom with a little note saying ‘call me’

“See you then cutie”

TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT DAY AT THE RESTAURANT

“Hey, nice to see you again Y/N”

“Nice to see you again too,” I said shyly and looked at the ground

“Aww there’s no need to be shy, you look lovely by the way”

He then moved behind me and pulled the chair out for me and sat across from me

And then we got to talking about the student-teacher position and he promised to get me a job there

*BONUS*

“NO BAKUGOU YOU CAN’T JUST YEET KAMINARI ACROSS THE ROOM”

“WHY THE HELL NOT?”

“BECAUSE THAT’S YOUR TEAMMATE YOU BAKA”

~FIN~

[sofiakistein]

casino night - connie springer

↳ 𝖕𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌: connie x fem bodied! reader

↳ ⚠️𝖙𝖜: use of guns, masturbation (f) oral sex (f), cream pie, light degradation, light praising, orgasm denial, squirting, use of pet names, begging,- All characters are 18+ here.

↳ 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 2.3k

↳𝖆/𝖓: i had to re-upload this because the first time it flopped, so let's see if it was just that time, or is Tumblr that hates me

prompts

A trap. Connie the motherfucker Springer is a trap.

You knew it way before playing with him, but you wanted a taste of it, and now you can't escape. You wanted to win tonight. You felt lucky, so you decided to play roulette, the same decision Connie made.

"$100.000," the croupier tells everyone the price. It is so much money you can't believe it was real. "$100.000 or...?" Connie asks. He is sitting in front of you across the table. You arch a brow.

"Or?" you ask in response. "Is $100.000 not enough for you, Mr. Springer?" you question mockingly. That is your first mistake of the night. "Oh, c´mon, Y/N, there´s always more," he answers. 

"And what do you want, exactly?" you put your elbows on the table and lean over them. "Anyways, you´re not gonna win, so it doesn´t matter y´know?"

"Oh, feeling lucky tonight, I see ya´..." Connie laughs softly and locks his eyes with yours. "Sorry to tell, but I´m tonight´s winner," he speaks so confident that it makes your blood boil in anger. "And I want a bigger price, Y/N," you arch your brows, not understanding what he wanted to say. "If I win, you come with me, but if you win, I´ll never play in this casino again," you accepted.

Never seeing Connie again in the casino would be a better price than $100.000. He was dangerous, annoying- and again, a goddamn trap. Unluckily you lose, and he wants his price.

The "Hotel Jaeger" was a 5-star hotel run by the Jaeger brothers, old friends of both you and Connie, so you come to play at their casino frequently, always dressed in charming and expensive dresses bought with the money you made there. 

But now, your velvety green dress was on the floor, and you were only wearing your underwear. The hotel room Connie booked is lit by the dim light of the nightstand, and his eyes are fixated on your body, staring at it.

You are sitting on the edge of the bed, covering your almost naked body with your arms while he is sitting on a chair in front of you.

"I want you to touch yourself for me," he commands, and immediately you shake your head. "It isn't a question. It is an order," he states with a firm voice.

"Connie, I´m not doing that-" you start speaking, but he interrupts you. "My dear, beggars can't be choosers, and a bet is a bet," he makes a pause and takes out a gun from the back pocket of his pants. Connie was only wearing his tux pants, and a white shirt, blazer, and tie were off. 

"Now, you start playing with that little pussy of yours, or we're gonna have problems, got it?" he rests the gun on his thigh after loading it, not touching it nor moving it, just laying there.

You take a deep breath, and your hand travels to the beginning of your panties, hesitating of going further but knowing you have no other choice. You slide it under them and open your folds to start creating wetness. Connie watches pleasantly how your hand moves under the cotton panties, and unconsciously little gasps start leaving your mouth.

He takes the gun in his hand and stands up from the chair, kneeling in front of you. "Was it difficult to follow a simple order?" he asks, face too close to your thighs. You shake your head, and your fingers find your puffy clit, needing the touch of them. Connie rests the gun over the bed, next to you, and brings his hand to the hem of your panties. "We don´t need´em, do we?" you want to tell him to stop, but your body betrays you, and you buck your hips, so it is easier for him to take them off.

He slides the garment thru your legs, and a mainly moan leaves his mouth when he sees your glistening cunt. "So wet..." he looks like a child, staring at a candy he wanted to eat the whole day. Connie runs a finger between your folds, and you moan, cold fingers mixing with your hot juices. He chuckles. "Oh, you like that?" you bite your lower lip, trying to content yourself, but it is difficult. He grabs your wrist and puts it aside from your pussy, denying you the pleasure.

"As my price..." he begins to speak, giving soft kisses to your inner thighs. "You can't cum until I say so," mouth getting closer and closer to your core. You throw your head back and close your eyes, concentrating on the pleasure. One of his hands grabs your neck, forcing you to look down at him and lock your eyes with his. "Eyes on me, pretty baby," one hand travels to your thigh to keep you in place, and the other presses the gun on your tummy. "Now, you move, I shoot," he spoke. "You close your eyes, I shoot. You look everywhere but me, I shoot, got it?" you nod. You are afraid of doing anything that he doesn't tell you to, so when he gives the first lick to your clit you doubt about moaning, letting small breathes and gasps escape your mouth.

"Now, you start moaning louder, or I shoot," his eyes covered in anger and lust. "Am I not good enough for you?" Connie blew air into your pussy, and you can't help but moan. "That´s what I thought"

He devours your pussy like he was starving for days, you can't tell if it was his mouth or his fingers, the way Connie swirls your clit, or how he presses your walls, but Connie is driving you insane. You want to place your hands on his head to bring him closer to you, but you are too afraid that he will shoot. Because you knew he would.

"Connie!" you scream. You feel how close you are to cum. "No, not yet, pretty baby," he pushes away from you, edging you.

"I won´t stop until you squirt all around my dick, understood?" seeing Connie between your legs is just enough for you to cum, but just not yet. 

You nod at him, and he smiles with lust shining in his eyes. "also, gonna make sure your body can take my dick. Don´t wanna hurt ya´" and again, he sinks his face in between your legs. This time he lets go of the gun, so with both hands, he is caressing your thighs. 

The only thing heard in the hotel room are your moans and the nasty noises Connie does when he pushes his fingers deep inside you. His dick is painfully hard, and he wants to fucks you so bad- until you're unconscious if possible, but he also knows that he has to get you nice and wet first.

He loves seeing how hard you try to keep eye contact and how hard you're trying not to cum, because it makes him feel powerful.

"I can't!" you fist the sheet, and he digs his nails in your thighs. The pressure of wanting to cum appears again, and as he did before, Connie pulls away leaving you gasping and almost crying because once again, you couldn't cum.

"You need to learn about self-control, ya know?" he laughs softly and slaps your pussy, making you halt. He takes his fingers out of you and admires how beautiful they look, covered in your juices, dripping off how wet you are for him. Connie opens his mouth and licks his fingers, moaning when he tastes you again.

"Connie," you say with a needy voice, rocking your hips back and forth on the bed. He arches a brow, and a grin appears on his face. "Look at you! You were all shy just a couple of minutes ago and know you're needy," you would be embarrassed if someone knew you were moaning his name, but right now, you don't care because you want him inside you.

He stands up, and you look up at him, not knowing what he is going to do next. Connie caresses your head as if you were a pet- his pet, and then unbuttons his white shirt. He is taking his time, looking at how mesmerized you looked while following his hands with your eyes.

Once he is shirtless, you lift your hands from the bed, wanting to touch him, but he is faster and grabs the gun again, pointing at your forehead. "Did I say you can touch?" he asks. You shake your head, and the fear invades your body again. "That's right. Now keep your hands to yourself." You put your hands over your thighs, fighting the urge to touch yourself while the man standing in front of you undoes his belt and takes off his pants.

The bulge in his underwear is huge, and you can swear you almost started drooling when he finally freed his dick.

It is long, thick, and has massive breeder balls you want to suck for your entire life. The head is red, and it is leaking some beads of pre cum; never letting go of pointing at you, Connie picks his pre cum with his free thumb and shoves it in your mouth.

"Good girl," he praises when he feels how excited you are about tasting him because the way your tongue licks his thumbs is nasty and messy.

He presses the gun to your forehead, and the cold metal gives you shivers. Slowly, he makes you lay on the bed with him on top of you, and finally, he puts the gun aside.

Connie takes his thumb out of your mouth. "Now, I don't want to use that thing anymore," he explains. His lips brush yours and kiss them softly. "I just wanna have my prize, m'kay?" he kisses you again, and you nod your head in agreement.

His hands travel to your breasts, and you lift your body so he can take off your bra. He looks mesmerized when he realizes you are naked beneath him, and it just makes him want to fuck you stupid.

"So fucking hot," he whispers to you. Connie sits on his heels and pumps his dicks a few times, watching every little thing detail in your body and fighting the urge of not cumming right there.

"Connie, please," you say again, begging him to touch you. "This is supposed to be a punishment because you fucking lost in the casino," he speaks, still with his hand on his dick. "But it looks like you're enjoying it as much as I do," he aligns his cock with your entrance, but instead of pushing it inside of you, he grinds his head thru your folds, covering it with your juices.

Connie presses his dick head to your clit, making you moan and buckle your hips to relieve the aching sensation on your pussy. "Be patient," he says as if he isn't impatient. "Gotta be nice and wet," he continues to toy with you for a couple of seconds more, and before you know it, Connie makes his way inside of you.

The stretch is as painful as it is delicious. His cock is touching every part of your inside, and it's soo deep inside you that you feel it in your tummy.

Connie, on the other hand, is going insane with the way your tight pussy is clenching around him even tho he is not moving yet. He groans, letting you adjust to his size and leaning to kiss you. 

You wrap your legs on his hips, pulling him closer and signaling to start fucking you. You sink your nails into his back, anticipating the feelings.

Connie hides his face in the crooks of your neck and starts moving in and out slowly, enjoying the feeling of how easy it is to thrust inside you because of how wet you are. 

"More-!" a broken moan leaves your lips. His dick feels so big inside of you; you can feel every vein he has and every movement he does.

"More?" he asks with a smile. "Never knew you were such a nasty girl, Y/N," and as you beg him, Connie gives you more.

He looks down at where your bodies are connected and cannot help but moan when he sees the white ring forming at the base of his cock. Connie puts his hands on your hips and starts thrusting harder and faster than before. Your hands travel to your breasts, and you pinch your nipples to increase the pleasure you're feeling.

"You look so -fuck- hot like this," he says. "Wanna fill you up with my cum,"

"Please!" you scream when you hear him say those words. "Please, Connie, cum inside me!"

"Yeah? you want to have your little pussy covered in my cum?" he asks, and you nod eagerly. Again, you feel the pressure on your lower stomach, and you hope that finally, this time Connie lets you cum.

"Yes, yes!" you scream, "But please, Connie. Let me cum!" you beg him with watery eyes. He has already edged you twice, and you don't think you're capable of dealing with the third time.

"Fucking do it. Cum on my dick, make a mess, baby," he responds, to pussy drunk to even notice that he is also close to exploding.

His words are like fuel to you, and you squirt around his dick. Your juices drip from your thighs and even cover a little of his lower abdomen. That makes Connie crazy.

In a couple of seconds, Connie is shooting his shot right inside you, mixing his hot semen with your wetness.

He thrusts a couple more times, riding both of your orgasms before pulling out. His cum is leaking from your pussy, and he makes sure to fucking back into you with his fingers before he cannot waste a single drop.

Tired and as fucked up as you, Connie lets his body fall into the bed and brings you closer to him so you can lay your head in his chest.

"Remember me to not play with you at the casino again, Springer," you speak, still trying to recover from that mind-blowing experience.

"Or we can play again and repeat this moment as many times as we like," he answered, caressing your hair.

⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉⑉

– all rights reserved © sofiakirstein 2022.  please do not repost, plagiarise, distribute or translate my work on any platform

[tatney]

saw first time viewing livewatch thoughts

* adam is so transgender <3

* oh so the quality of my ill eagle copy isn’t that bad it’s just that the lights were off lol

* his name is lawrence gordon. he’s a DOCTOR

* mr elwes sir please stop mumbling my autistic ears cannot hear your

* MR FAULKNER STANHEIGHT IS A WHOWERE. WHY DID YOU SHOW HIM YOUR TIT

* aha lawrence is t posing :)

* adam. my widdle boy

* lawrence telling him to take his shirt off 👀

* GSMSHSKWYKSBSKSUWLHD JOHN IS SUCH A BITCH

* I KNOW EVERYONE IN THE FANDOM CALLS ADAM PATHETIC BUT GOD

* john mulaney hmm gross!.jpeg

* okay but i WOULD have checked under the toilet lid first. the things you’ll do for an older man 😔

* these two are so bad at playing catch. the kids who didn’t run the mile representation

* if i could see cary elwes’ eyebrows better i’d find him s*xier

* JOHN KRAMER I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF. I HATE THIS MAN I CANNOT STAND THIS MAN

* so the editing really IS like that huh

* yes he IS a murderer you stupid son of a bitch. there is no “technically” about it you fucking idiot

* we’ve got two bitches from lost my beloved :)

* THAT’S THE PRESIDENT FROM THE BLACKLIST TOO

* all of sing’s clothes are too big for him. small man :)

* MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY MANDY

* PLEASE GOD I LOVE HER I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH I’LL CRY

* i knew that the editing was like THAT but not that MUCH ya know goddamn

* oh a giallo style shot. lov that <3

* MISS SHAWNEE SMITH DESERVES EVERY AWARD ACTUALLY

* motherfucker on his liddol tricycle

* i would piss on that fucking puppet

* futurama they must learn our peaceful ways by force.jpeg

* that’s just john’s vibe

* i wonder how much of saw inspired the batman arkham games thinking emoji

* how am i only half an hour way through

* tbh i want this kid’s duvet not kidding

* girl you in DANGER

* and i want that big snake :)

* HE’S NOT PLAYING THIS LITTLE PIGGY. NOT IN A MOVIE WHEREIN PEOPLE DON PIG MASKS BC THEIR REPRESENT REBIRTH AND PEOPLE ARE CONTINUOUSLY CUTTING THEIR FEET OFF. MR WHANNEL I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU

* “she’s beautiful” he’s taking about the dog BSBNSYSLAYSLSBLSU

* “where’s the. uh lucky wife” and you mean to tell me that adam isn’t a homosexual when he looks at lawrence like that while saying this line

* “i’m always missing from the photos” oh sir i’ve been on saw tumblr just you wait for the dramatic irony to hit just you WAIT

* oh god i though jigsaw wrote a slur in there good GOD

* very billy from black christmas vibes, harold finch from person of interest :)

* excuse me mr tapp but who’s amy and why do you have her starbucks order

* OOOOOOOHHHH FUNKY TRANSITION

* james wan you are such a KING

* “who said anything about a warrant?” sir that’s illegal

* sir that’s breaking and entering

* sir that’s a LOT of paperwork that you won’t be able to complete bc you’ll be dead soon but STILL

* did jigsaw plan on lawrence wearing blue or was that a funny coincidence lol

* john’s wearing his bathrobe

* HIS ASSASSINS CREED BATHROBE HOLY SHIT

* ooh slidey door. wonder if there’ll be more of those later on teehee hoo hoo

* somebody show tapp the “that’s not your depression bed; that’s your nest omega” tiktok and see if that does anything

* “what do you want me to do? i’m on a leash” DOGBOY ADAM DOGBOY ADAM DOGBOY ADAM

* “you wanna put something in this room in your mouth?” “YES!!!!!!” are these lines from fanfiction verbatim

* adam you’re so fuckin stupid why would you spy on a man but keep the flash of your camera on

* OOOOOOOOOOH IT’S THE CINEMATIC PIG CARPARK SCENE

* “whatEVER” “i’m dealing with a juvenile.....” this is what happens when you have a sugar baby lawrence

* INFAMOUS ADAM GENDER SMOKING FAKE DEATH BREAKDANCE SCENE LET’S GOOOOOOOOOO

* little dogboy twink photographers have me in a perpetual chokehold they really do

* i mean he’ll waste a lot of film but. okay i guess this is a horror movie after all gsmshsksynbsmahsp

* BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR GAY LITTLE PUPPET WITH MY BAT

* oh adam really is serving jonathan byers teas with the baseball bat and the camera as weapons. fuck

* cary elwes posh little accent coming THROUGH

* adam doesn’t make sense as cis man. he just doesn’t look at that man he’s so transgender

* ok but lawrence’s “mistress” is GORGEOUS actually omg

* i’m still gonna say that he’s gay tho. u can’t take that away form me lol

* adam’s wrists are so LIMP holy shit

* lawrence gordon classist moments

* mr elwes please control your accent sir i’m struggling not to laugh

* ok ally’s a girlboss then !

* michael emerson my beloved. when you try to be evil you have all the menace of a disgruntled bunny rabbit

* “lawrence get up! i need you!” now when you fuckers told me these two were gay you didn’t say THIS gay

* at least ally and diana are ok :)

* ok my headcanon is that lawrence is originally from england but was moved to america as a kid bc i need in contextual reasons for all of the accent slips that i can’t take seriously

* ADAM GIRLBOSS MOMENT

* “don’t worry i’ll bring someone back i promise” YOU LYING TRICK ASS MOTHERFUCKER I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF /j /affectionate

* at least john’s got that ARCH

* IT’S THE SCENE IT’S THE SCENE

* god that movie fucked. that movies fucked SO hard good god no wonder gay people love it

* ok i think that ill league gull copy broke my laptop lol

[peach-skull]

Forever yours

Forever yours

Tomura Shigaraki x Reader

__________________________________________________________________________

tags/TW

Unprotected sex, dry humping, pregnancy mention, cumming inside, childhood friends to lovers, facesitting, shiggy being his nasty self, no quirks au, fluff adjacent 

________________________________________________________________

You would get a turn once he died. That’s how it was: That’s how it had been ever since you two were children. Tomura rarely died in video games, so if you wanted a turn you either had to whine until he gave in or wait until he was too focused to notice you take it from him until it was too late. However, you weren’t interested in video games today. You were interested in him. In his soft blue hair, his long, slender fingers, his beautiful crimson eyes. You were head over heels for your best friend since childhood, Tomura Shigaraki. It was a terrible,  roiling mixture of puppy love and sheer lust. You wanted to go on long walks and hold his hand. You also wanted him to bend you over a table and fuck you until your legs gave out. 

“ Tomu.”

He didn’t answer you, too absorbed in his game to pay attention to anything else. You huffed and tapped him with your foot.

“Tomura!”

Shigaraki muttered something unintelligible and paused his game, looking at you over his shoulder.

“ What do you want, (Y/N)?”

Showtime.

“ I have, uh, a personal question for you”

He grabbed an energy drink and took a sip.

“ Just ask it already.”

You needed to ask this casually. Like you couldn’t care less about the answer. Just making friendly conversation.

“ You’re still a virgin, right?”

He choked on his drink, coughing and sputtering as he tried to think of an answer. Who just asks shit like that?! You better not be making fun of him.

“ That’s none of your goddamn business,asshole.”

Based on his reaction alone, he had to be. You shrugged casually and adjusted one of your thigh-highs, smoothing your pleated skirt once it was back in position. You had worn them especially for him: you knew him long enough to know what he liked.

“ I’ll take that as a yes. So am I. I want to lose it but like, with the right person y’know? Not some rando, or like, a boyfriend who’ll sour the experience if we break up.”

You have never used ‘like’ in a sentence so many times in your life. Or used the word rando. 

“ so I was thinking, wouldn’t it be way easier to do it with someone you already trust? Like a close friend . so what if we, Y’know, helped each other ou-

SLAM. before you could even finish your question, Shigaraki had moved from the foot of the bed to the headboard, straddling you with his hands gripping above your head. 

He loomed above you, a massive cheshire grin plastered on his flushed face.

“ You aren’t fucking with me, right? You’re being serious? You actually wanna fuck?”

You didn’t expect him to be so enthusiastic about it. You thought he would decline, or accept in a less...intense manner. He was panting and leering and- was he seriously drooling? As if to answer your question, a drop of spit landed on your chest. Maybe a keyhole sweater wasn’t the best thing to wear today. 

“N-no, I'm not messing around, Tomu. I-I want… I want to have sex with you.”

Tomura quickly laid on top of you, pinning you down and shoving his tongue into your mouth. You had never been kissed before.  You tried to keep up with him, but he was just so rough that it was difficult to do so.You put your trembling hands oh his shoulders and tried to wiggle into a more comfortable position. He snickered and began to grind against your lap, completely misunderstanding what you were trying to do. You pushed his face away, a string of saliva connecting your lips. 

“ Get off for a second, I need to move my legs.”

Tomura rolled his eyes but did as you said, crawling backwards on all fours. More of a scuttle, really. You lifted your skirt and spread your legs, revealing your string-tie panties.  You didn’t even get the chance to tell him to come back before he pounced, rutting against your covered pussy and latching onto your neck. You could feel the seam of his jeans rubbing on your clit as he frantically humped you. It felt better than you thought it would: his weight on you, the teeth on your throat, the grind of his hard cock on your aching sex. You were getting close to the edge already, moaning and grabbing onto his hoodie as you  tried not to finish.

“T-Tomura! Please slow down, I- ah! I’m- I don’t want to cum from kissing! Please, just s-stop for a second!”

Goddammit, he was so close. It hurt to pull away from the warm embrace of your thighs, but he grit his teeth and did it anyways. You had a point: cumming from dry humping alone was a little pathetic. Shigaraki sat back on his heels and surveyed the damage.

Your skirt was pulled up past your stomach. One of your thigh highs had rolled all the way down to your ankle and your neck was covered in bruises. The hole in the chest of your sweater had slipped, exposing the top of your nipples. You weren’t wearing a bra. Holy shit, you weren’t wearing a bra. You had waltzed over to his house and sat on his bed in thigh highs and a sailor skirt and one of those sweaters with a boob window and NO FUCKING BRA. Tomura jumped off of the bed and pulled down his pants without bothering to unzip them. As you stared at the absolute monster of a cock that your best friend somehow had tucked away just moments ago, you only had one question on your mind.

“ um, Shiggy?”

You only called him that when you were particularly nervous. Tomura tore off his hoodie, his shirt going along with it and threw them both on the ground.

“ Why the hell is your dick so goddamn big?!”

 He looked down at his crotch as if he had absolutely no clue that his cock was roughly the size of a coke bottle. He looked at you and shrugged.

“ No idea. It’s always been like this, can I fuck your tits?”

He had to be joking.

“What?!”

“ Can you give me a titjob? Please?! I’m really close! It’ll take like two minutes, I swear!

If you weren’t madly in love with this man, you’d put him and his stupid horse cock in a shallow grave.

“ Yeah, yeah, just gimme a sec…”

He sat on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him, grinning wildly.

“ Lay down over here and put your boobs on my lap. This’ll be great,I swear.”

Shit, why did he have to be so cute?! You grumbled about various grievances you had with your friend and his dopey smile and that scar on his lips and and his stupid fucking fat dick as you got off his bed and walked over to where he was sitting. You stood in front of him and took off your sweater, chucking it into his face.

“ I swear to GOD if you choke me with that thing, I’ll bite it off. No head-pushing, Understand?”

He just smiled and nodded his head rapidly. 

You turned around and took your skirt off, bending over afterwards to roll up the rogue stocking that had decided to slip. While you were busy trying to keep the damn thing from falling again, Tomura grabbed the strings tying your panties together and tugged, undoing the bows and yanking them off of you.

“HEY!”

He held the underwear up to get a closer look. They were white and (f/c) striped, with lace and a little bow on top. Absolutely adorable. He was going to add them to his collection when you weren’t looking,but he just couldn't resist pressing his face into the damp fabric and inhaling deeply.

Was this motherfucker seriously sniffing your panties right in front of you?! You snatched the cloth away from him and threw them across the room, safe from his nasty clutches. For now.

“ Heh, sorry about that (Y/N). You always smell so good, I couldn’t help myself.”

That really shouldn’t have made your stomach flutter the way it did. You laid on the bed, lowering your chest onto Tomura’s lap. He ran his hand down your back and slapped your ass, laughing when you yelped out of pain and surprise.

“ Raise your hips. I can’t have you doing all the work now can I?”

He lowered his hand past your ass, but his fingers couldn’t reach your clit, stopping a few centimeters short. He grumbled and leaned to the side, trying his best to figure out a position that would let him rub your clit and finger your dripping pussy at the same time and gave him the lap titjob he wanted. He might have miscalculated, but that couldn’t be: it looked great in the hentai he saw a couple weeks ago, so it should work just fine IRL!

“ Tomura, this position is kinda weird. I don’t think this is going to work the way you think it will.”

“ Yes it will! C’mon, just raise your hips a little more-”

You looked up at him as best you could from the awkward position on his lap.

“ You saw this in a doujin, didn’t you?”

After around five minutes of arguing about whether or not Tomura’s stupid position would ( or even could) work, you decided to take initiative by pushing him down  and sitting on his face. How else were you supposed to shut him up? 

“ Sorry, Tomu. This was the only way to get you to be quiet. Seriously, who the hell gets into an argument about hentai in the middle of a hookup? There’s a time and place for everything, dumbass.”

You drooled into your palm to make impromptu lube before wrapping your hand around the head of his cock, smearing your saliva and his precum around as you jerked him off. You had never given a handjob before, but if the moans sending vibrations straight to your  core where anything to go on, you were doing a pretty good job. You grabbed the back of his head and ground against his face, giggling when his cock twitched.

“ C’mon, make me cum! Don’t you wanna get to the main event? I want you to rail me until I can't walk. Don’t you wanna fuck me, Tomura? Do you wanna slam that fat cock into my tight little pussy or not?”

He’d always been fun to tease, but never like this. There was a sort of power in it now: you had him right where you wanted him. Or so you thought.Shigaraki growled and grabbed your ass to hold you still. He was sick and tired of you always messing with him. Elbowing him during multiplayer games so he would mess up.Taking the last sip of his energy drink, not even thinking of the indirect kiss. Filling his room with the smell of your perfume after a day of hanging out and then just leaving him alone to masturbate to the thought of you. 

“ Aw, are you getting cranky, Tomu? I’m almo-”

He licked  along your folds before getting to your clit. He drew slow circles with his tongue before wrapping his lips around the sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking harshly. He flicked his tongue over your clit, adding a maddening amount of stimulation to the already overwhelming act. You squealed and tried to pull away, but his grip on you was too strong. 

“ Oh fuck! It’s too much, I’m not gonna be able to - ah!- be able to focus on what I’m doing here!”

Tomura didn’t give a fuck about what you where trying to do. He cared about revenge. And if revenge came in the form of eating your pussy until you cried, then so be it. He had no plans of stopping : your bittersweet taste and your thighs squeezing his head was too damn good. He stopped sucking with a loud pop and shoved his tongue  deep inside of you. He didn’t have a lot of experience ( he had 0 experience) but he had heard enough stories from his more socially savvy friends to know that you were supposed to keep your hands, mouth, or toys on the clit at all times. Keeping this advice in mind, he rubbed his thumb over your clit.

This was ridiculous. How was he this good at eating pussy? He was supposed to be the same as you: an inexperienced virgin. Maybe all that porn he watched did some good. You had no idea. All you knew for certain was that if he got the upper hand, you’d never hear the end of it. Your efforts had slowed due to Shigaraki’s distraction. You gripped his cock harder and moved your hand faster. Tomura moaned and bucked his hips. With the amount of precum that was leaking out, he had to be close. 

He didn’t want to let you win, but your hand was making it impossible to focus. It was just so damn soft: nothing like his rough, calloused fist. Tomura had no idea how he was going to go back to his left hand after this. If your hand was this good, what was your cunt going to feel like? It really hit him then. He had been fantasizing about it for years, and now it was actually going to happen. He was going to fuck you. The mere thought of it caused the tension in his stomach to break, thick ropes of cum spurting out of his throbbing cock and landing on his torso. The look on his face was driving you insane: bright red, eyes rolled back in his skull, brows crinkled in a way you had always found adorable. You threaded your fingers through his hair with both hands and started desperately humping his face. You wanted to cum,needed to cum: you just wanted him to fuck you already. You had waited for years. You finally came with a wail, crushing his head between your thighs as you rode out the high of your long-awaited orgasm.

It took you several seconds to remember that your friend probably needed to breathe. You got off of him as quickly as you could on your trembling legs. 

  “ Are you okay, Shiggy? I didn’t mean to suffocate you: it just felt so good that I lost control…”

Shigaraki quickly sat up. He was doing great: just had the best nut of his entire life, got his head squeezed and his hair pulled, and he was going to lose his virginity to the girl he had pined over for nearly his entire life. How could he be doing anything other than amazing?!

“ I'm good.”

You looked at the mess all over his chest. How was it even possible to cum that much and still be hard? Was that just how much there always was? Did he need to see a doctor?

While the gears turned in your head, Tomura grabbed a shirt from the floor and wiped himself off, tossing the soiled fabric away once he was done. The sheer nastiness of that snapped you out of your confused state. You were about to say something when he beat you to it.

“ What position do you want to do?”

“Huh?”

“Y’know, like doggy, or cowgirl, or wheelbarrow-”

You didn’t think wheelbarrow was an actual position, but you really didn’t want to get into another argument right now. You were gonna call him out on it later, though.

“ I’d like to do missionary.”

Tomura nodded sagely. Missionary was a classic. A bit basic, but it would do.

“If you’re ready, let’s move on to the next level”

You nodded, too nervous to speak. He shuffled slowly towards you, hands shaking and arms outstretched. He needed to be cool about this: he came on a bit strong after your proposal earlier. You laid on your back and resisted the urge to cover your face with your hands. You had wanted this for such a long time, but he was just so big and he was seeing you naked and he was actually kind of muscular without his clothes on and- for fucks sake was he seriously drooling again?! 

Shigaraki quickly wiped the drool away from his mouth. You were just so beautiful. You looked scared,though-was it the drooling? He couldn’t help that! He started to scratch his neck- a habit that he just couldn’t seem to break. Even if it meant that he wasn’t going to get to have sex today, he needed to make sure that you still wanted this.

“ Are you okay? We can… we can stop i-

“NO! I mean- n-no, I’m fine. Just- just be gentle, okay?

Gentle. He could do that. Just go slow, don’t go in all the way, and probably no biting. Wait, didn’t he need a condom? It must not be that big of a deal if you didn’t bother to bring it up, right? Yeah, he could just pull out.

Tomura grabbed the base of his cock and lined it at your entrance before carefully pushing inside of you. It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as you thought it would: it just stung a little bit. You had expected ripping, bleeding pain before seeing his dick, and kind of assumed you would die after seeing it in all it’s terrifying glory. But no! You were alive and thriving.

Your partner in crime, however, was having a significantly harder time. Your pussy made his fleshlight feel like sandpaper in comparison: he considered burning the stupid peice of silicone after you two were done for being so inferior to the real thing. The fleshlight wasn’t this tight, or this warm, and it didn’t twitch like your pussy did. He honestly felt kind of bad for the times that he used it while thinking of you- not for jacking off to you or anything like that, but for using that piece of shit as a stand-in. It was insulting. Shigaraki figured that it probably wasn’t the best idea to put it in all the way in,but it was taking every ounce of his self-control to not just slam in balls-deep and fuck you into the mattress. 

….. Was he okay? There was a vein bulging on his forehead and he looked damn-near terrified. You were going to have to make the first move again. You put your hands on his waist and pulled him towards you until his hips were flush with yours. Despite the slow entrance, his cock hitting your cervix still knocked the air out of you. It hurt a bit more now, but not nearly enough to stop.

“ I-it’s okay Shiggy, it doesn’t hurt. You can move now..”

Tomura cautiously  pulled backwards a few inches and pressed back inside just as carefully. His first couple of thrusts were a bit awkward, but he soon found a slow, steady rhythm. 

You couldn’t believe how soft he was being. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your collar bone before moving to your breasts, licking your nipple before putting it in his mouth and sucking. His other hand was lightly caressing the opposing mound. It was all so sweet and tender that you almost wanted to cry: you knew that he didn’t feel the same way that you did. But for now, all you could do was stroke his hair and pretend that you were making love instead of just hooking up. 

“Mmmmn, T-tomur-ah!”

This wasn’t fair! He had liked you for years, you were gasping and moaning underneath him, but something unpleasant was still prodding at the back of his thoughts. After this, you were going to find some strong, confident man to take his place. This was just practice. Shigaraki didn’t want this to be practice: he wanted you to be his last. He wanted to be your only. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and started to thrust into you harder. He wanted you to be all his.

“ Mmmineeee...” 

Mine?! Did he just say “mine”?! Did he- did he feel the same way?! No, that couldn't be: you probably just misheard him.

“ um, w-what did you say?”

He snapped his head up and glared at you, his ruby eyes practically glowing.

“ I said mine! I want you to be mine! MY player two, MY pussy,MINE!”

With every repeat of mine he slammed into you a little harder, a little rougher.

“Come on, say it! Say you’ll be mine, (Y/N)!

You felt like such an idiot. Of course Tomura wasn’t going to say that he liked you- this was Tomura you were talking about. But he’d been showing it for years- walking you home, helping you win plushies at the arcade, dying on purpose so you would get a chance to play, giving you his hoodie whenever it was cold out…. How did you not notice? But he was never going to take the final step. So as per usual, it was up to you to take initiative. You put your hand on his cheek and smiled when he nuzzled into your touch.

“ I love you, Tomura. I’ve always been yours.”

He froze at your confession. Oh shit, did you go too far? Was the whole “mine” thing just his idea of dirty talk? Shigaraki pulled out  and moved backwards. Just as you were about to say something, he grabbed your knees and moved your legs up until they were above your head. Was he seriously going to just ignore what you just said?! You just told him that you loved him, for fucks sake!  Did all the blood rushing to his dick leave him braindead? 

Shigaraki knew the look on your face well: narrowed eyes, pursed lips, puffed cheeks. Impatient and suspicious. He’d better not keep you waiting,then. He positioned himself so that his cock was dangling above your exposed hole and leaned in close until you two were nose to nose. 

“ I love you too, (Y/N).”

With your confession returned, he slammed into your waiting cunt in one quick thrust, groaning as he was finally balls-deep inside of your warm,slick pussy. You squealed as he jackrabbited into your core with short, deep thrusts, hitting a spot inside that you’d never been able to reach. The headboard of the bed crashed against the wall loudly, creating a lewd orchestra alongside the squeaking of the bedsprings and your wanton moans. Tomura’s hair fell alongside your face in a soft curtain, making it so he was the only thing you could see. As if you’d look anywhere else.

“ I love you! I love you! I mean it, I love you! You’re gorgeous, you feel so good, I love you! I love you so fucking much! I love you! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveIloveyouIloveyou-”

You pulled your babbling lover into a deep kiss as the knot inside of your stomach snapped. Your convulsing walls squeezed his cock in a vice grip as you came, nearly sending him over the edge .

“ C-can I cum inside? I don’t wanna pull out! I swear I’ll take responsibility if you get pre- i-if anything happens! Please, let me cum inside of you!”

You could barely think through your haze, so you just nodded your head. Of course he could cum inside: where else was it supposed to go? He wasn’t wearing a condom after all… you probably should’ve made him wear one. Oh well. That was a problem for future (Y/N) to worry about. 

Tomura wrapped his arms around your waist and thrusted his hips one more time before  

Blowing his load directly into your womb, spurt after spurt of creamy white filling you to the brim, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he howled with pleasure.

“Hhhhhhhhh…. I love youuuu…..”

 He let out a contented sigh and flopped on top of you without bothering to take his cock out of your cum-filled pussy. He was too tired- he’d pull out after a nap. You were just as exhausted as he was- cleanup was just another issue future (Y/N) would have to deal with. You yawned and nuzzled into his neck before drifting into a peaceful, messy sleep. 

End

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I wrote this after a debate with @libiraki about who’s dick was worse: Shigaraki or Dabi’s.