#HEY SOMEONE TURNED ME INTO ART?!?! SO THATS SUPER FUCKING COOL

[pollenallergie]

What if i just drew you and billy what then 👉👈 I hope this is good! and i wish you a good day!!🥺💛

sofotpthduwhehjsudus stop oh my god this is my new favourite thing sldndkdjjfbf oh my god?!?!?!?!?!? this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me??!?!?!?! i’m so fucking sjdnrjbebawbbfndjdje oh my god!!! thank you so much!!!! oh my- this is the best!!! it’s so good!! it’s lovely!!!! you’re lovely!!! thank you so much!! oh my god!! this actually brought tears to my eyes (in a good way)!! i love this so much!!! shjsnansmsksm i am giving you so many virtual hugs rn you have no idea. thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹🥹

i wish i could meet you irl just so i could give you the biggest, bestest hug ever!!! you’re so sweet!! seriously, thank you so much for this!!! this is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time!!! i can’t thank you enough! this is beautiful!!! i’ll cherish it forever! thank you so much!

[subway-boss-jericho]

Hey all! Announcement stuff!

Thank you to everyone who has been very patient with me. I swear to god i could turn into one of those Ao3 authors thats like "hahaha sorry i havent updated in so long i died and then came back to life and then i had to work 7 jobs" and im being so fucking brave about it!! ANYWAYS THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

Tomorrow is the 1 Year anniversary of steady tracks chapter 1! 🥳(and also my birthday. yes that was on purpose)

So! I wanted to give you all some updates and stuff to look forward to because oh god it sure has been an entire fucking year since I uploaded stuff and I refuse to feel bad about it but my brain is trying so hard to make me! I am working on chapter 2. Progress has been terribly slow because of severe life events, thank you for your understanding.

So!! What's next? Well, over the summer I am really fucking hoping to finish chapter 2. I know I keep saying this but literally i stg. I'm going apeshit. do you know how hard it is to think about something for an entire year and never have the time, motivation, or energy at the same time to make it exist?? fucked up!! Before that though, I have a few things.

I TOLD you all that I would talk about an AU of mine, whichever was highest voted in that strawpoll I did, and then surprise i fuckin didnt do that. I would very very much like to do that! The problem, I realized, is that I operate super hard on a reactionary basis so I am not prone to talking about anything that is mine until prompted about it or given permission. Fucking, Wack. This is my house. I should be cringe and free but nooooo. Anyways, because of this, I am planning on doing 2 things -> Actually tell you guys about spirit keeper! You all voted for him back when, and especially with that ✨Fucking, Gorgeous✨ commission from Fronomeeps I got (for me birthday :]) I really really really want to do that. And post my art more. and shit like that. seriously i need to get out of my head or I'll explode. someone needs to scream about how cool these stories are with me or I'll dissolve. -> I am thinking of doing a day long event where I stream an Aggie/(Magma?) where I draw my AUs and let people hop in to join in (as long as it stays on topic!) as well as answering as many asks as I can about my many aus and basically setting you guys up to trick me into infodumping. Because let me tell you i have a year and a halfs worth of words in my head and i am 100% confident ingo and emmet enjoyers would really like to hear them. So I wanna do a big ask party Q&A and really get things rolling!! Hopefully with drawings and doodles involved! as a celebration for myself, and as a way to open up to the greater fandom (Please leave a comment if you think that sounds cool, I'm trying to gauge interest because if i went all out and no one showed up it would be Extremely Depressing!)

ON! THAT! TOPIC!!! I am actively (literally interspersed with as I am typing this) making a UQUIZ about all of my significant AUs. For the record, there are 23 results on this quiz. I currently only have 3/23 final results completed, but it is my active focus over the weekend to finish as many of those as I can to try and complete the entire thing within a week or less. Also poking at my phrasing here, when I say my significant aus I Mean It, I have more than 23, but these 23 are the ones with stories tangible enough to start somewhere and elaborate on. I have about 10 that I would consider my main AUs, but some of the smaller ones are huge sleeper favorites.

SO YEAH!!! PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO THAT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!! I really wanna do fun stuff and get to know people in the fandom more than just. that person who wrote 1 chapter of a cool fic that one time. I have so much more to offer and I struggle so much to offer it. Please draw me out of my shell, I wish to enter the fandom sphere 🥺

thank you for giving me a great year <3 ((and hopefully the next one will be better <3))

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[multiplefandomsblog]

Can i request how different idv characters would act as roommates? Eli, Helena, Luca, Edgar, Vera, Norton and Fiona if thats alright with you :DDD

warnings? kinda suggestive, crack fic, cussing

mod toby and mod bread helped me do this fic, its a bit all over the place but it was fun so no regrets

Eli Clark

I feel like being roommates with eli would be pretty pleasant

everything would be clean all the time

he’s the type of kid that everyone wants on their team because of how good he is at everything

so if you scored a roomie like him, you got super lucky

if you left a mess he wouldn’t get mad, he would probably just clean it up himself and leave a sticky note that said to clean up ur mess next time(but not like, passive aggressively)

ofc you would clean up after the cute sticky note, bc who can say no to this bb? 

If you don’t clean up tho, brooke rose will probably shit on your hair when u sleep

tbh you’ve always wondered what eli looked like without his eye mask

so one time when Eli was sleeping, you went next to his bed to try and take his eye mask off and see what he looks like.

You took off the mask and found out it was a dummy 

a few seconds later you heard footsteps and you turned around

Eli came up behind you and knocked you out with a bat

you two don’t speak of that day.

Brooke kept screeching last night, and you got no sleep at all, so I guess we’re having chicken for dinner 

Unless you had a good reason, then eli and brooke prob won’t mind cleaning up after u

I can imagine you going back to your shared room in the manor after a rough match and seeing eli just sweeping the room in an apron and a cloth covering his hair looking like cinderella

“Honey, I’m home!”

basically if you lived with eli, you basically had a husband/mom/wife???

If you came back to the manor, beaten up and bruised from the last match he would prob pester you and nag you

while cleaning up you wounds he would prob say, “You have to be more careful, im always worrying. You’re gonna give your mom a heart attack!”

seriously tho, don’t worry this bb, he would actually have a heart attack

Helena Adams

i think living with helena would probably feel like some sort of kdrama

she might be a bit clumsy and trip over a few things, falling into your arms bc of her blindness

though she might be doing it on purpose

If you moved things in the room without telling her, she would probably get mad

for example, you move the sofa chair a little bit to the right bc you thought it looked better

helena walks in the room, sits down on the sofa chair and ends up accidentally sitting on the sofa chair arm rest instead

resulting in her bottom hurting and a very long talk with you

she got her revenge weeks later

she had asked you to check under her bed for monsters because she couldn’t do it herself

you were teasing her for still being afraid of monsters but looked underneath anyways

low and behold, 

she put a mirror there.

will even wack you with her cane if you’re being annoying

Her cane is pretty affective in shutting you up lol only sometimes

“Hey Helena, are you braille? ‘cause i can read you like a book when i touch yo-” *wack* *moans*

helena: ...

you: ...

helena: ...im leaving

you: heleNA WAIT-

One time everyone at the manor was celebrating Helena’s birthday with a piñata, 2 seconds later she was beating the shit out of Luca with her cane

even after everyone’s been yelling that he wasn’t the piñata

One time you and Helena had a staring contest because you were both bored.

She won.

sometimes to get her close to you, you would sit on the sofa chair super quietly and still

And then you’d wait for her to come and sit on your lap thinking it was the chair

and it would work 

she would probably sit on your lap for a few minutes, confused as to why the chair felt elevated

and then she would feel your arms snake around her waist

and she would- “whAT THE FUCK- SCREEEEEEE”

she would probably make a cute bird noise and then just sit there, not knowing if she should leave or not

in her head, “THEIR LAP IS SO WARM OH MY GOD WHY DIDN’T THIS HAPPEN SOONER”

in real life, “let go of me you pathetic mortal”

you’d beg her to stay on ur lap longer and she would cave in

but she didn’t stay because she liked you! baka

Luca Balsa

living with luca will probably be the opposite of eli’s

messes, everywhere

inventions, everywhere

at one point though you had a sneaking suspicion he might be a bunch of rats.

 you saw him outside crouching beside you guys’ room with a bunch of rats coming out his sleeve and running into a crack in the building

“its for science!”

he’s also super scared of helena

Luca doesn’t like to admit it, but he got his purple eye from Helena after he made a bad pick-up line for the blind. 

She’s been chanting “one of us” and threatening to “finish the job” ever since.

he’s basically a big baby that needs to be taken care of

i feel like he might break down sometimes from not doing his invention right, or feeling insecure

but i guess his rats are there to help

but since he had a roomie, he wouldn’t be able to cry on his own

and its a good thing because he doesnt have to do everything by himself anymore

he learns to ask for help when living with you

you’d help him through his episodes and he would slowly start to become more reliant on you

if he was feeling a bit moody, he would unconsciously try to find you to cuddle with

if you lived with him, you’d probably have to be very responsible

luca would have his own bed that he would never sleep in because he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you in his arms

everytime he shifts in bed, you’d feel a tiny shock

it kinda bothered you so

you pranked Luca by touching him with those zappy ring things you’d get from a dollar store.

You just wanted that mother fucker to get a taste of his own medicine

he would basically be a puppy that follow you around, he would constantly old your head

probably refers to you as his

like if you downed a shot that barmaid made for you, he would be like, “EYYYY THATS MY BABy-heurghrhgh”

now you have a drunk baby that you have to take care of

You tried giving luca a shower afterwards, now you know how it feels getting electrocuted.

And trust me, Luca and water do not mix.

good luck have fun

Edgar Valden

living with edgar would consist of 

1. edgar being super specific of what was his and what you can’t touch

2. big tsundere baby

3. sketches of you hiding in his sketch book

if you lived with edgar, you’d have to be super patient with his nagging or else you’d have to find a new roomie

he’s constantly nagging you

but if you are tired of it and give him the silent treatment, he’d probably just nag you even more for attention

you need to give this man attention or else

you ignored him for a whole day once because he said something mean

he decided to give you some milk and cookies as an apology

the ‘milk’ was his muddy paint water and the cookies were expired

i feel like one day you two would be arguing about who moved his stuff, your argument being he unconsciously moved his stuff, his argument being you moved his stuff

you guys were so heated up you didn’t notice how close you two were getting

edgar ended up pouncing on you like a feral dog

though when you woke up, you both agreed that you ended up winning the argument

when you’re reading or just doing nothing, he’d ask to sketch you or paint you

i-its not because he thinks you’re beautiful or anything

its just because he thinks that your whole self is aesthetically pleasing and pleasing to the eye- but not because he thinks you’re pretty!

sometimes when he was super focused on his art, he wouldn’t notice your figure slowly approach him

you’d boop his nose and watch as he froze

wh- hoW DARE YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON A VALDEN

secretly tho, he really loves it when you do that.

like

do it more

please or not whatever

Vera Nair

Vera would probably be a bit anxious when she heard she was gonna get a roomie

but she would do her best to be at her best behaviour

she’s very well mannered and is very polite

she’d kinda be the type to silently care for you

like, she’d notice the little things that bothered you and made sure they wouldn’t bother you ever again

like, if you stubbed your toe alot, she would give everything that you could stub your toe with, rubber covers or socks

but she wouldn’t tell you it was her even though it was obviously her

if you fell asleep on your desk instead of your bed, she would probably but a blanket on ur shoulders and a pillow underneath where you left your head

she’s the thoughtful type

before you went for matches, she’d give you a cheek kiss for good luck

and if you did the same, she would probably play it cool but then panic a second later.

theykissedmetheykissedmetheykissedme-

im sorry this is short idk what to do for her-

Norton Campbell

oh BOY

once norton starts to warm up to you, you guys are basically married

like there was no proposal, just “do you take this man to be your husband- you can’t say no”

he would probably take care of you alot

even when you didn’t need it

i can do it mysel- no

but actually, before he warmed up to you he was pretty cold, 

he felt himself growing feelings for you

and he didn’t want to because he was afraid he would lose you and he would have to go through the heartbreak of losing someone all over again

he would leave the room to go hang out somewhere else

he would keep his distance and not talk with you much

but there was this one time where you woke up with him around you, you just pretended you didn’t wake up and relished in the feeling

it took some time, but eventually he warmed up to you

though he still constantly worries about you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt

during matches he would always take hits for you, and just stay closer to you in general

he wanted to make sure you got back to the manor safely, it didn’t matter if he was sent back via rocket chair

he always put you as his #1 priority

he also gets jealous super easily, he’s scared someone will swoop you away from him

so to make sure everyone knows that you belong to him, he’d give you his clothes to wear

not only do his clothes look adorable on you, everyone will know that you’re his

probably pester you a lot if you tripped or got a paper cut

“yoU COULD HAVE DIED” “IT WAS A PAPER CUT”

Once, Norton got stuck to the fridge like a magnet for 5 hours

He’s been using that as an excuse to force you to bring him his snacks every since.

pick up lines are a definite yes

sometimes you’d be shitting and you’d hear outside the bathroom door a faint,

“My love for you is like Diarrhea.” “norton what the fuck im shitting-” “i just can’t hold it in” cue camera zooming in on his face and him smirking into the camera “OH MY GOD WHY”

like Luca, his bed is useless. he always needs you in his arms when sleeping, he wants to protect you and just feel you closer to him

puts him at ease

kisses? hell yes.

if you had to go to a match without him he would send you off with a ton of gross wet kisses on your face ew

He might even try to seduce you into staying

“norton I’m gonna lose morality points!” “fuck your morality points, i wanna smash”

Fiona Gilman

I feel like fiona would probably super psyched when she heard about sharing rooms with you

I headcanon her to be super bubbly and social but when she is alone with her thoughts she’d probably regret everything 

“why did i say that why did i say that why did i say that-”

probably prays to god, “please kill me”

she tries her best to make sure you’re comfortable

she doesnt make a big mess and she makes sure she cleans up after herself, overall a pretty cool roommate

except for those times for when she tries to babtize you while you’re showering-

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING” “THE LORD SHALL CLEANSE YOUR SOUL WITH HOLY WATER-” “what the f- iS THIS ALCOHOL???”

this has happened too many times^^^

one time she accidentally created an ultra portal in the toilet. 

Y’all still have no idea where it leads, and no intent of finding out. 

Although, Kreacher has been complaining of some nasty stuff appearing in his room

i feel like during matches she would always call you with her portals to say hi or just give you a small kiss

it stopped being cute when she went through the portal and ended up seeing the hunter instead of you

mentally scarred from that

sometimes things would disappear in your shared room too, not only the toilet

you’re convinced she has a bunch of hidden portals in the room

like, one time you dropped a pencil and it went through the ground.

you never saw it again

Or you know that missing sock?

Portaled.

i dont know what this turned into

[lilyclawthorne]

Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts

I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode

"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh

"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.

anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid

Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid

Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety

I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.

lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time

Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)

ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)

new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!

..yikes that fridge is empty

"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here

confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)

please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺

"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think

witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)

ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that

she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.

"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she

ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years

I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.

Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years

hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't

Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠

SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??

"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing

also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔 

Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne

ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.

wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason

also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.

PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms

"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.

Also, nice snatch Luz 😊

anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here

EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????

"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy

Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.

PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED

but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??

Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.

HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??

"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???

anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here

Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude

ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue

no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now

Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child

Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.

GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)

"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.

ok but this is sweet

NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok

"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this

"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.

I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways

"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.

alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu

NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he

Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.

AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO

ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(

well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend

anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore

[vinnival]

Hey! Hope its ok if i ask for a madcom matchup :)!!! I didnt see anything about them being closed but if they are feel free to ignore this lol..

Anywhosies! I'm a 5'4 guy but I have a mean slouch so it probably makes me a bit shorter, I have messy dark brown hair that reaches my mid back. I just look tired always lol. I also hve like. Pretty small hands.. I think tht shit is so embarrassing but all of my friends love it, they call me baby hands nd shiz its so humiliating😭.

I think I'm an overall friendly person, I love makin friends nd talking to people although I may end up talking your ear off and end up getting annoying, I love telling jokes nd tryin to make people laugh. My humour is pretty dumb tho, nd I get kind of loud when messing around. I can be very temperamental, I can get angry/annoyed very easily 😭 I just tend to be very emotional all together💔💔 m emotionally energetic and physically lazy x_x . I'm a very touchy person I like being able to playfully jab someone or wrap my arms around them etc etc. I'm a big night owl and I don't get as much sleep as I should. I'm very protective of my friends 😎 I'd get in a fight for them LMFAOO. I'm pretty hardheaded I think, I'm also just.. Not the smartest lol.

One of my main hobbies is drawing :) I love making art nd I usually end up drawing up gifts for my friends. I also enjoy playing video games but I'm usually not good at them at all... I used to take karate classes so I think im pretty good at fighting :). I love listening to music but I feel as if my music taste is drastically different to the point where its kind of embarrassing (frm death grips to planet booty like what is this..😕)

Alright i hope that is good enough XO.. I hope u have a good day or night! Take care❤!

Aw hell yeah dude thats a good amount of info! Lets me match you easier :) enjoy!

You got a match! You're matched with...

Sanford!

<3

Living that #hitchiker life

You were trying to catch a ride to anywhere that wasn't home when a car stops for you

"Do you know how to fight?"

One of the two guys asked you this

"Uh... what the fuck? I mean, yeah, but-"

"Great, get in."

You got in obviously

"I'm Sanford, and that's Deimos."

Deimos waved at you nonchalantly, his cig nearly flying away into the wind

This was just before their official designs were given to them btw

You told them about yourself and they did the same, and Deimos really liked your humor!

Sanford made you laugh a couple of times, and you appreciated that

You two managed to beat the shit out of many grunts

When Sanford donned the Official Clothes, goddamn you fell hard and fast

This man just decided to be shirtless and vulnerable all the damn time

How could you not ???

You lived in the base alongside Sanford, Hank, and Deimos

You all had your own routines and habits that seemed to just slide right in place with each other

Most of the time you ended up crossing paths with/being around Sanford (you thanked whatever higher power there was for the blessing)

His personality fits nice with yours, he knows how to keep calm in most situations and would be there with you to help you through emotional swings

He loves watching you draw, he thinks your art is so cool

You two also love playfully arguing while you draw, sometimes turning into friendly karate matches

You'd usually beat him obvs

Sometimes you would crack jokes while fighting and he'd start laughing, leaving you with an opening

He doesn't mind the exploit,, the jokes are funny

You draw things for everyone, but mostly San because you're around him the most

You four were super close and relied on each other to live, all good in your own ways

You in particular taught everyone some obscure defensive moves from karate

When Sanford asked for you to help him privately one day, of course you agreed to help

He had his balance totally off on his stances

Which means you had to get up close and personal to help him correct his posture.

his skin was so w a r m . . .

For a man that was shirtless 25/8 you'd think he'd be bone cold

Mf was a toaster oven

"How the fuck are you a literal heating pad you never wear a shirt"

"Guess I'm just hot like that"

"Hell yeah you are"

You both laughed off the retort but man did something change

You noticed his cheeks were just a little tinted

Ngl so were yours

You both locked eyes while you tilted his arms into the correct position he needed to be in

He stared at you, and you smiled

Then, you quickly leaned forward and pecked him on the nose, then congratulated him on the correct pose and promptly left the room

Man.,nfndfbdm -sanford, on the floor

You two started dating the next day ofc 😩

Sorry this was a couple days late! I got a job recently and I've been training, plus I've been meaning to hang out w my bf!! Its been hectic but I hope you liked it op <33

[indig0g0]

If you are so against theft, why you friends with gabriel tho? There has been HOW MUCH evidence against him? I don't know, Newt. Seems Pretty Sus To Me. SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE THE HEAT OFF THE CURRENT SHIT AGAINST GABE I'M JUST SAYING-

Hi kids, first of all! His name is GABRIEL! Calling him not his name, when he doesn’t like it! Is just like misgendering! Anyway! Lets sit down for this! I was waiting for you (or maybe it was someone else!) to come back for this!

Did you know that its possible, as an adult human being, to disagree with everyone in a situation? Did you also know.... That there’s a difference.... Between using the same concepts? And OUTRIGHT TRACING SOMEONE’S ART? Did you know...... That there was more to the story... than bo’s callout post made it out to be? Did you know there was a third whole design in the mix?

Also before we get started I want to state that as a 25 year old man, who has been in multiple different art communities. You cannot steal a concept. You cannot steal a concept. YOU CANNOT STEAL A CONCEPT. There are 800 trolls with white porcelain masks! There are 800 trans masc jadeblood trolls! These are all concepts! Iridescence as a concept! Is a CONCEPT.

Opalescence is a concept that is similar but different to iridescence.

ANYWAY!!!

LETS SIT DOWN FOR THE WHOLE STORY BECAUSE BOY HAVE I HAD ENOUGH OF BEING ASKED WHERE I STAND ON THIS!

Okay! So! Here’s the thing (the thing! Which I got from someone who WASN’T either Bo or Gabriel! Surprise! There’s AN OUTSIDE PARTY!)

Bo made an iridescent adopt! Gabriel wanted the adopt! But Liam bought the adopt first! Whatever! That’s the end of it of whatever that is! Bo and Gabriel stopped being friends in this time, i think, but that’s not my fucking business because i’m 25 years old and other people’s interpersonal problems aren’t my fucking business!!

Its reasonable here, then, to like the concept behind a design right? And you you probably think “oh this is where gabriel ripped off cosmit, right?” and you’d be wrong!

We’re going to cut to my favorite third party, a loving friend and wonderful person... Echo! Who makes adopts! As a source of income!

Who was like! Hey party people! Suggest themes for me to use in my next batch! of adopts! and now you think... oh... here comes opal.. WRONG AGAIN!

So what happened was... gabriel had been like “i saw this cool iridescent design, and the concept was really cool! maybe you should do an opalescent design!” and echo was like oh fuck yeah i’d love to do that! and so.... they did. Now i’m sure you’re thinking..... Oh it’s Opal!

Except. Actually it wasn’t.

The opalescent (NOT iridescent, they aren’t the same if you were wondering!) troll Echo original made? One of the ones that bo linked in their call out? Isnt opal.

It’s the original opalescent design that echo made! Which they.. Kept! That’s their Magiro!

This is magiro on the end! This is the original design!

this image? the girl on the bottom? THATS FUCKING MAGIRO. THAT IS ART. FROM ECHO’S BLOG. OF ECHO’S CHARACTER.

which looks..... NOTHING like...

this absurdly small screenshot i also pilfered from bo’s callout post! Of cosmit!

Who’s sprites I will not post out of respect for Liam because I have not asked him if I can use it! But the original is necessary so it’s here anyway. (I have permission from Echo to post the originals here! FYI!)

Now because they ended up keeping Magiro! They said! I’ll make you one for free with the same general concept! And lo!

Opal was born! This was the design that Echo did for gabriel! This is opal! As you can see... She looks nothing like cosmit! Except for the fact that she has

dark skin is meant to be black coded and has a similar theme. she even has a nose rings You can see it under her glasses!

and so these are the sprites Gabriel made based off the design ECHO made him

‘

Now! Here’s where it gets hinky!

Here’s where I don’t agree with either party!

Bo and Liam were upset that Gabriel (and Gabriel alone) apparently ripped off Opal! I don’t see it, and I don’t think you can steal a concept either! But whatever theyre adults they can make their own conclusions!

Now where I don’t agree with Gabriel is... Gabriel started making posts (after being told he was accused the first time, idk by who) about Opal being the BEST opalescent troll in the community! Which is fucked up! It’s immature and I was upset with him for it! And then it spiralled a little!

Gabriel got a call out blog made about him for reasons OTHER than opal! The callout blog tried to bring up opal! Liam made a public statement that he and gabriel were handling it privately! And I thought that was going to be that on that!

or was it!

So in private, and bo’s “call out” will confirm this, the whole party eventually agreed that Gabriel would be making edits to opal to make her theme different instead of white opalescent blah blah, this all is NOT my business and frankly I don’t fucking care.

My problem comes in when it become not enough for bo that Gabriel to make changes to or stop using Opal altogether and started... Boxing gabriel into a new solution? Because Gabriel apparently wasn’t bending over backwards enough? I don’t fucking know! It’s not my fucking business! DURING a time of crisis. DURING. BO DID THIS WHEN GABRIEL WAS ALREADY IN A POSITION TO HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING NO. THIS IS FUCKED UP NO? But! I don’t know how you can post screenshots of you saying “You’re having a bad time because of this tropical storm about to rock your shit and I hate you and want you to go away Take this Hilariously Low sum of money for a character with tons of art and effort” and then think you’re like. In the right here? Bo admits they were stupid angry and that they cancelled the deal on a whim IN Their call out post! And then turned around, in their anger, and started threatening gabriel ! That’s literally blackmailing him! Because he wasn’t doing what they wanted! it’s all literally in the post! I read the whole thing! Gabriel came back with a counter, which was getting rid of Opal altogether including making the replacement in the story NOT black coded, NOT a woman (explicitly stated to be transmasc for the new concept), No piercings etc.

Bo then, later AGAIN during a time of Financial and real life crisis (their confrontation was sent within HOURS of the announcement of another hurricane about to rock houston) decided to turn around and verbally berate Gabriel about how he failed to deliver his apology, turned around, and tried to post a largely evidence-less call out about him.

The reason for Bo doing this?

Gabriel reblogged female-coded aesthetic into the tag. And that was all the proof Bo needed that GABRIEL IS A LIAR BLAH BLAH

heres the thing.

gabriel and i are in a different artist’s server together.

Gabriel has posted the wip of the new design into the server. I’ve seen it. with my own two fucking eyes.

in fact. the new design. BARELY EVEN LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING TROLL AT ALL

IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE COSMIT

IT DOESNT EVEN FUCKING LOOK LIKE OPAL

BO WENT OFF THE RAILS

FOR LITERALLY NO FUCKING REASON

AND NOW A BUNCH OF 17 YEAR OLDS ON TUMBLR

ARE TRYING TO RUIN NOT ONLY HIS LIVELIHOODS, BUT ALSO EVERYONE AROUND HIM

OVER A DESIGN THAT WAS 3 CONCEPTS REMOVED FROM THE ORIGINAL

ANYWAY TLDR: they both handled this extremely poorly! I do NOT agree with Gabriel’s handling of Bo’s and Liam’s initial concerns! But I SUPER don’t agree with “i own blackcoded opalescent characters as a concept bc i said so” and but mostly?

I really disagree with bo’s attempts to use the crisis of a TROPICAL STORM to solicit the response THEY ALONE wanted.

THIS is why I have bo blocked. I could give a shit LESS about all the other bullshit. Do I like it? No. It is my business? no.

But the sheer fucking LACK OF EMPATHY displayed here is FUCKING ASTOUNDING.

Theres actually OTHER reasons I don’t like bo, which are all 100% unrelated to all this fucking horse shit! But that’s my fucking business!! anyway!! fuck off!!

[softboyscully]

Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share

public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right

so ill just go by the grades i guess

Kindergarten, first year

i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit

we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair

i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime

SPEAKING of naptime

i never slept during it

once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe

i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose

sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”

i put it up my fucking nose

try to get it out, just push it farther in

im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts

go up to my teacher

“you’re supposed to be asleep!”

“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”

teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge

just. sends me back to my mat

that was it

the art room was tiny

like re-purposed broom closet tiny

there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced

there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread

someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something

we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class

Kindergarten, second year

i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination

but seriously they were horrible

we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark

me and sarah attained a new friend, john

honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away

i have two vivid memories

one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze

they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down

the other is  john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up

it was funny, so he did it again

and again

me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives

after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”

one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie

most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards

my mother was horrified

ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability 

1st grade

this is when i moved

beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me

nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool

thing is i was a little shit

told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)

all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)

had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story

2nd grade

i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit

like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us

never actually taught us stuff???

middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.

“what do you mean?”

“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”

“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”

“sure, i could try that.”

“o....kay”

he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)

like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????

there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived

funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me

something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas

also we had fish

every day someone else was in charge of feeding them

one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top

i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”

everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”

we held a funeral

the cause of death is still undetermined

3rd grade

this year just draws a blank for me

all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock

also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here

4th grade

i had two teachers this year

one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch

made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized

i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average

instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating. 

she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl

this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once

she sucked, Ms. S

5th grade

this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do

but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++

he legitimately taught me math

we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes

the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles

at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming

also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)

she was kind of crazy

she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked

once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)

Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons

also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:

someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest

a guy named Makenzie won

remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation

we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine

like how the fuck did any of those things get there

and where’s the fourth sock

b o t t l e f l i p p i n g

but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria

my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes

one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video

four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive

like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone

and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit

no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee

me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences

“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”

“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”

“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”

“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”

“RIGHT”  

also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”

[pestopascal]

what do you think with the romances in mass effect overall? i was kind of happy with andromeda in the end bu t i did miss some of the other ones

sidenote i actually got completely sidetracked with your question so let me preface with that despite a lot of grievances i do enjoy the romances and the characters, obviously, or i wouldnt still be here. yes even liara, to some degree.  not a lot but to some degree shes not the worst character ive met in a game. lots of things i would improve on or yknow. change but hey. we’re here now. rest under cut skjfdh

overall? hm. i mean................. there’s no denying that femshep got screwed over massively in the OT. i mean they were like ‘oh my god we dont have any hot aliens for femshep bc we never figured we’d get this far. lets throw a fish and a bird together and see what happens. oh but then give him terminal cancer and a son he doesnt speak to, and have him mention how much he loved his wife while you proposition him for sex’ and presented it with a lil bow on top. no wonder there were and still are soooooo many fics and art and comics out there rewriting the entire romance lmao. oh and jacob? cheats on you, knocks up another woman, names the baby after you. they wrote the black man doing that? like i know bioware is tone deaf but thats too much. and if you do decide to pursue vega? yeah. we all know what happens there. oh AND if you do decide to romance someone else in me2, after romancing kaidan in me1, he says you cheat on him. you cant call him out on it. however if you play mshep and romanced ashley then someone else, you can shut her entire conversation down. their justification btw was that, same with how kaidan doesnt use his biotics half the time anywhere like when eva core smacks him around the beginning, that it was too time consuming/expensive to rig an entirely new set of lines/interactions/everything, so it’s basically just. ashley’s stuff.

and that mass effect couldnt work out just what it wanted to be, even in the beginning, with being a new cool fancy space opera, but wait we still gotta be like. super manly. no one is gay in space. (like why bother recording the mshenko romance from me1, the mshrios one in me2, and then debating including mshakarian like hello. NEVERMIND tali, miranda, jack alone in me2 for femshep). and mshep can still pick up other romances in me3, however he can inadvertently kill his me2 love interest if he dumps them.

i love shrios. hate what happened with it. i played me2 first on ps3 (as obv me1 hadnt been ported and u didnt even get the genesis comics u got a longer questionaire with miranda and jacob), and so like if you play femshep, and say u saved kaidan.......... the game automatically looped in a romance. and i had NO idea who this bloke was, but his photo was in my cabin, and it ended up being face down lmao. i did go back to me1 eventually on the xbox, and played through with the romances but yknow. that will always be the funniest experience to me. like i love kaidan dont get me wrong but like. i had no idea who tf he was.

i think andromeda tried, but never should have promised. i mean like gil pre patch? his romance was terrible (the forced “oh i have to have a child with my straight female friend bc she guilt trips me into it and i cant imagine not having kids” or w/e it was entirely idk i just know that it was. yuck). and jaal shouldve been an option for both from the beginning bc yknow. entire species hinges on forming deep emotional relationships far removed from appearance and sexuality? but hey i mean, at least they arent a complete race of sexy blue babes so. i mean i love jaal i just 🤦‍♀️ @ bioware yknow. and i did romance reyes, but im still soooooo mad that his romance hinges on killing a black woman in a place of power who is doing the right thing by her people, whose story is in the prequel novel, and you dont even get to interact with to form an opinion, and is also hinted to be suffering from the effects of being in longterm cryo and just wants HELP. just basically a “if you wanna bang this dude? kill her” like. hello.

vetra though? what a fucking QUEEN i lvoe her. my sister actually romanced her on her first playthrough and then jaal and like. cried. over turning down vetra. it was adorable. also i love liams romance? so many ppl had problems with it but it was FUN and it was different and he was funny and seriously i love him with all my heart but its a crime that they were like “actually he has to be the token straight guy” like. SURE JAN.

[tumblunni]

Hottest and worst take I have ever seen: "asking people to tag their nsfw is denying people's fundamental agency as a human"

????

"Antis don't see children as fully human, they don't give them the choice to make their own decisions"

That's exactly what YOU are doing when you don't tag your shit! This is taking things to a ridiculous extreme where nothing is allowed to be regulated or even goddamn organized like a library because "free will somehow"...

If a thing is tagged nsfw and put away on an nsfw site and a kid clicks on it, then it's not the writer/artist's fault that it happened. There is no way to physically stop children from making mistakes.

But if you post extreme gory porn kink stuff out there in the open in a children's fandom and do nothing to keep it restricted to its target audience and not kids, then HEY YES ITS YOUR FAULT

And if you make this weird attitude of encouraging kids to want to be more adult, encouraging them to look at this stuff, and telling them they are wrong and toxic if they don't like it, then that's predatory and gross.

I feel like this discourse has gone to nonsensical extremes!

People are called horrible prudes who want to ban all non pure content if they just say "don't show child porn to children". And people act like the only solution is to do nothing at all to keep child porn away from children.

And then you have people who act like having any form of kink whatsoever is the same as making child porn, or even just writing "problematic" stuff like sympathising with a villain or whatever. And the solution is to ban everything just like tumblr's stupid attempt that failed entirely at making the site safer and only made it worse for perfectly non-harmful n/s/f/w artists....

AND THEN you have people assuming that all "antis" are like that, thus it's a justification to go back to the first extreme and say no safety precautions whatsoever because all safety precautions are oppressive and everyone who ever asks for them must have the motivation of hating LGBT people or something...

And you also have people jumping to this conclusion about any criticism of any content whatsoever. Someone merely says that a ship dynamic is abusive and you get the screeching "this means you totally support CENSORSHIP and want NOBODY TO CREATE ANY ART EVER AGAIN".

Like sometimes people just mean "because this ship is abusive and is not being aknowledged as abusive by the writer or tagged as darkfic, it could have a negative effect on an audience who's led to believe this is a desirable goal for a relationship". And it's just.. words criticizing it. People are allowed to not like it. Not every "I dislike it" is "it should be censored". The only time anyone should actually be talking about censoring stuff is if it's happening in a mainstream publication not a fandom space. Like there is legit conversation to be had about how the mainstream female-aimed romance genre has a lot of abusive sexist stuff normalized as desirable. If Twilight was actually marketed as some sort of darkfic that's intended to appeal to dark kinks, it wouldn't have been such a big problem.

Basically just.. put things in the right box.

That's my entire "anti" stance.

Put the thing where it's not so easy for kids to see it, give it the same degree of rules and regulations as any other fic that's potentially extreme. It's just like slapping warnings on a game box, yknow? If a kid tries to illegally buy an M-rated game then the makers of the game shouldn't be punished for something they took every measure to prevent. And if a parent buys an M-rated game for their young kid then they're being negligent and the responsibility is all on them. But also it's still messed up that there's a culture in children's friend groups to be all "do the grownup thing you don't like that might traumatise you, to be cool like us". And it's worth looking into whether adults have in any way contributed to this and how we can maybe help kids navigate this stage of their life more safely. Like is it possible that just calling stuff bad and not explaining WHY could be making it seem appealing and harmless? Like the tendancy to be a prude about giving kids proper sex education can lead to them being frustrated and seeking out stuff that's way too extreme for them because they don't know it's too extreme. Especially the complete absence of any education or positivity for LGBT kids in particular, theyre way more vulnerable to falling in with abuser's and manipulators because they don't have a parent to talk to about healthy relationships and puberty frustrations without fearing they'd be ostracized for their sexuality. And also honestly there are sometimes just really irresponsible/stupid/even abusive older siblings who will link young kids to stuff like goatse "as a joke"....

SO YEAH

ITS ALL FUCKIN COMPLICATED

And Tumblr is awful cos every goddamn argument turns into some weird war of two exaggerated extremes that no sane person would actually believe, with the original argument completely forgotten.

I just think that the fact that it's complicated as fuck should mean hey maybe we should help kids with it being complicated as fuck, not go "it's somehow denying kids their personhood to think they need the slightest bit of extra help navigating something even adults find complicated"

Also seriously TAG YOUR SHIT

And if someone is tagging their shit, then they're not part of the problem.

If someone with a super dark kink is tagging their shit, keeping their shit away from kids,and acknowledging that their shit is super dark and potentially traumatizing and giving 100% of all possible warnings, then they're not part of the problem.

Doesn't mean I'm gonna like that stuff, but me personally being squicked out doesn't mean that person is some sort of latent serial murderer just for having weird turn-ons.

If thing is not harming children = not bad

If thing is harming children = remove from children

People who should be in charge of keeping stuff safe from children = adults

If children choose to view a forbidden thing anyway despite all your best efforts = not your fault, you did all you could do

Doesn't prove the evilness of having a kink, or whatever. But also "nobody is allowed to ever criticize anything about kinks" is also wrong. Like.. having a kink isn't wrong but how you keep it tagged can be wrong.

It's very goddamn simple and I wish we could all just agree to it, why is this whole damn discourse SO EXAGGERATED AND RIDICULOUS NOWADAYS

Put the thing in the box for the thing, THATS IT! That should be the beginning and end of the conversation.

Fuckin "putting tags on things is somehow limiting kids's free will", Jesus Christ...

[rosyerim]

cafe au | haechan

“yeah, welcome to our cafe and please don’t ask for our “secret” menu because we don’t have one.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

lee donghyuck, or haechan as everybody else calls him is cafe angel’s resident grumpy boy

can be found either clinging onto mark whilst whining or chilling on the bean bags meant for the customers

but does anybody tell him to move? yes, but does he? nope

unless its doyoung or ten telling him off then he moves and “works”

until they find him sitting in the backroom with jisung instead of working 

sometimes sits by jaemin whose working the cash register and judges his flirting skills

“did you really say she doesn’t need sugar because shes already sweet? lameee”

“haechan aren’t you meant to be working?”

“jaemin, you’re not working either, you’re flirting”

cue doyoung shouting at them to attend to the customers

he’s pretty good at raking in the tips mostly because the customers always have good banter with him as he is very sassy

rolls his eyes when he asks “for here or take away?” and they say “here  but in a to go cup”

he will legit fight the next customer who asks for  “secret” menu option

“this isn’t starbucks our only menu is the one on the wall!!”

likes to doodle on the to go coffee cups and gives away the ones with hearts on them to nice customers but gives ones w angry clouds on them to cheeky customers

renjun highkey judging his art skills in the corner

despite his lazy rep, haechan can make a mean hot chocolate and always makes it look pretty

half of his ig feed is him uploading pics of his hot chocolates with colour coordinated captions

claims only he can make good hot chocolates and doesn’t let anybody else make them when he works

he won’t tell anybody but he’s super satisfied when he see’s a customer smiling after they drink his hot chocolate

“...haechan why are you smiling so intently at that little kid”

“because he reminds me of an elf fuck off mark”

during his breaks catch him extending them from 15 minutes to an hour and chilling on the bean bags but with a blanket tucked up all around him

if he ends up falling asleep he will not budge so good luck moving him

chenle takes this opportunity to draw on his face but his dolphin laughs wakes him up every single time

groans when rush hour starts and always tries to get out of it but mark keeps on iron grip on him

even though he seems he doesn’t like his job, haechan will not go to any other cafe and will square up to anybody who shit talks cafe angel

once, his sister came home with pastries from starbucks and haechan wouldn’t talk to her for a week 

he loves it when it rains mainly because he can watch people getting splashed by cars on the sidewalk and laugh at them 

he’s stuck with the customers in a bad mood tho but then he turns on his full sun mode and the customers leaves with an extra large coffee and two pastries they didn’t know they wanted

which is how he met you

it was an extremely rainy Sunday evening and you were in a bad mood having fought with your best friend & your guardians at home, you went for a walk to cool off 

and of course it started pouring rain and you were umbrella less

the to top it off you were splashed by a damn lorry just as you were about to head into a cafe called angel for shelter from the downpour

you dejectedly had walked into the cafe which was surprisingly busy and waited in the queue, feeling so done with how your day was ending up 

the pink haired cashier asked for your order and you just mumbled out “a large black coffee with 4 extra shots of espresso”

jaemin titled his head lowkey concerned cause thats a lot of caffeine but an orders an order 

you paid him and picked an empty booth to sit in by yourself after grabbing the warm drink 

you didn’t even make a face when you sipped the drink you were feeling so bleak

but little did you know an angel was going to brighten up your day

you were lost in your thoughts when a sudden flurry of moment caught your eye and next thing you know theres a smiley boy sitting across from you and a plate of two muffins next to your coffee

before you could even say anything he stuck his hand out and introduced himself

“hello my name is haechan and I noticed that you seemed down so I'm here to lift you up!”

you shook his hand and introduced yourself back a little surprised 

“it’s very nice to meet you y/n”

you smiled politely at him not really in the mood to talk to this very bubbly person but he was insistent asking you how old you were, where you went to school, etc until you ended up in a deep conversation about Michael Jackson and his best song

haechan was so close to busting out a moonwalk just to prove he was right until doyoung interrupted to tell you it was closing time

two hours had passed without you two realising and you awkwardly brought our your wallet to pay for the muffins which were very nice

you bought two again the next time you came

haechan just waved you off for paying

“don’t worry its on the house”

“ah no I have to give you something in return for the muffins”

you could literally see haechan’s lips curl into a smug grin

“okay! give me your phone number then”

very smooth donghyuck

you gave it to him slightly giddy at the prospect of him wanting to actually become friends or more with you

but before you left you thanked him for making your day better and he just smiled bashfully 

“anytime, you know they named this cafe after me because I'm an actual angel and I could be your guardian angel ;)”

you just giggled at him before quickly pecking his cheek and walking out,  your face probably a tomato 

yet the second you left haechan was tackled by mark and jaemin as his face flushed the brightest red, doyoung rolling his eyes behind the counter

“damn hyuck since when did you get so slick?”

“wow lee donghyuck talking to a customer no, flirting with a customer?!”

he just pushed them off and whipped out his phone staring at your contact name looking back up at him

he smiled happily to himself as he changed your name slightly and waddled over to the bean bags, debating what to text you first

[to] y/n♡

hey, its your guardian angel ;) sent 10:02pm

you almost dropped your phone when you read the text, feeling your face grow warm

then you received another text from him and it was a selfie of him wrapped in a blanket, a peace sign held up by his grin 

hooo the softest boy I LOVE

your fingers hovered over the screen, racking your mind for a smart reply 

[from] y/n♡

oh? I didn’t know my guardian angel was so cute sent 10:04pm

then you sent him a selfie of yourself back, doing the same pose as him

sadly, you didn’t get to see haechan blush as he read your message then scream as he saw your selfie, running around the cafe to try and express how his heart felt

“donghyuck, you’re getting the floor dirty, I just fucking mopped it!” 

“okay mark if you had someone as pretty as y/n sending you selfies, your dumbass would do the same!!”

cue doyoung rolling his eyes again and hitting haechan with a towel, urging him to help clean up but deep down he was happy for haechan finally finding someone for himself 

thus, began your love story with the one and only lee donghyuck ♡

a/n: get well soon fullsun ♡

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[sonjabysonjamorgan]

Answer these questions then tag 20 people you’d like to know better

got tagged by @windfallisland

nicknames: trean

zodiac: tavros

height: 5′6″-ish

time: 1:18pm

favourite band/artist: ive listened to like 900 hours of judy garland singing in the past month and a half so uh, i guess her rn. and i do not listen to enough music regularly to have a definite more permanent fav!

song stuck in my head: nothing...for now

last movie I saw: i turned the tv on earlier and some vince vaugn movie was playing and i just like. sat through it while dickin around on the computer instead of trying to find anything else to watch and that movie Was....delivery man

last thing I googled: michael keaton

other blogs: this is it baby!

do I get asks: almost never, i do not invite a lot of dialogue jsdknjc

why I chose this username: someone forever ago was giving away some of their hoarded asoiaf and homestuck urls and and i was like, hey i guess this ones good. also reminder to everyone my url is the name of a fictional city from the series of fantasy novels a song of ice and fire and has nothing to do with asses

following: cool people and some art blogs and like rando blogs for tv shows

average amount of sleep: like 7 hours?

what I’m wearing: stepbrothers shirt, good fucking sweatpants i got cheap, and wool socks that for no reason say the name of the island im from near the top cuz everybody back home fucking loves monetizing the fact that they are back home

dream job: that comic where the persons like “i just sit in a chair and a line of people come up to me to congratulate me on something amazing i did but cant recall”

dream trip: The! Moon!

favourite food: pizza?

play any instruments: nope!

hair colour: red

languages you speak: english

most iconic song: the coronation street trumpet-y opening theme

random fact: Just Won An Academy Award dustin hoffman wanted to play mario in the super mario bros. movie but nintendo execs turned him down

describe yourself as aesthetic things: does my icon count as an aesthetic bc thats all i strive for in life

im gonna tag

@biselkieual @lonestandingtuft @medievalcat @domericbolton if u guys wanna do it!

[kenmaiii]

stop being jealous and bitter!

Now i know you cant outright just throw away your jealousy in the art community. You see a really cool popular artist or just someone with absolutely amzing art and you think “wow holy shit their art is so good i wish that was me and that i could do that....” I understand that spite can be a good thing sometimes; it can be what motivates you to improve and do well, especially if the artist is well... not the best person in terms of personality. Great, that’s even more motivation to do well right!? 

But when does all the comparing go too far?

----------------------------------------long post incoming------------------------------------------

Now i’ve had people very close to me do this. I’ve been told that im ‘popular’ which im honestly not seriously. They could probably be reading this right now, but this has been bothering me for awhile so i must get this out there. Let’s step into a certain mindset for a moment:-

You hate your artwork. You hate your current skills. Sure there are artists you like. But then there are ‘THOSE’ ones. You have very specific artists you follow just because theyre so good and popular they make you feel bitter and you still check up on them regularly to fuel that bitterness. You know good and well that they make you bitter and angry and peeved but you just keep going back.

Step back for a moment and think.... why on earth am i fucking doing this???? Comparing and feeling bitter about another persons skill or popularity and letting yourself stay sad and bitter isn’t good for ANYTHING, art aside. It’s good to want to feel validated at the work you spent time on but it WILL get tiring if you keep complaining that ‘your art is bad’, ‘your art isnt good’, ‘its shit’ or ‘garbage’. Your brain is just internalizing that and hindering your work and future improvement. It’s most importantly WASTING YOUR own time, YOU the creator. And not to sound snobby here, i really truly dont intend for that, but some of you know good and well that you keep belitting you work because you only just want people to compliment your art when youre only doing the bare minimum to improve! I can only tell you as a friend or an on-looker that i love your art so many times (as much i really do love it and hope for your improvement) if you continuously decide to still turn around and say you hate your work and tell me im wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why reach for compliments then! Why continuously turn them down?

And i’m not saying you cant ever not like your art (cause it happens) or decline a compliment, but to do it every single time....it leaves a bad image for your work. You either start to believe it, or the person complimenting you will get put off from your negativity!  

It makes people feel bad, especially if theyre also artist AND also your friends. You can’t keep saying you prefer their work and still put down your own. It makes your artist friend uncomfortable. They might not know how to respond when you keep doing it. And im sure they wouldnt want you to keep making yourself feel bad. Personally, i wish all my art friends success and improvement, and i want them to love and feel proud of their work more than the times they hate it. We really need to uplift each other as artists.

Thanks.

What you think and say is what you become and if youre always negative and comparing youre gonna tear down both the person you admire and yourself. Ie, if youre constantly thinking ‘ill never be as good as this person’,’no ones ever gonna like my work’, ‘i cant color as well as they do’ or saying that your work is only ever garbage... newsflash asshole! your mind absorbs that negativity and makes you believe it! u fool!!!!! Because brains are stupid and can be your worst enemy at times! 

Sometimes you just need to stOP looking at certain peoples work completely if it gets you that bitter or angry or sad. Unfollow them! Block them! Delete their name from your search history if you have to! Stop hurting yourself and forget about them, it’s like trying to think about an ex thats moved on. Pointless.

Negative emotions such as sadness and anger are our brains direct ways at trying to reach out to ourselves.

You: seeing cool art Your mind: remembering you dont have some of those skills or popularity + comparing = sadness/ anger/ bitterness at not being able to be at that lvl withtin the same timeframe or less

Your brain is trying to tell you to fix this! But you know you might not have the tools to gain that much popularity or become so good at anatomy, coloring , compositions or backgrounds overnight, so the only solution for your brain is to self-sabotage.

It’s just the same as suddenly feeling sad for no reason. It’s your mind trying to work out a problem you never resolved. Maybe your friends haven’t replied in awhile and you feel ignored. Or you subconsciously remembered a bad experience without really realizing. You’ll get sad. Your mind is is saying ‘Hey asshole im sad. I know it might be out of your control but I’ll stay sad about this one thing until you resolve it somehow. ’ (whether it be blindly distracting yourself on purpose or fully wallowing in the feelings)

So we realized youre feeling intensely about this persons work vs your own...then what exactly happened there? The answer is pretty simple. Some kind of information processing happened in your brain. The result of this processing made the your mind conclude that one of your existing problems (art in this case) can never be solved; whether conscious or unconscious, and this explains why your mood might change all of a sudden without any kind of warning signs (in relation to what you saw). 

Inspired VS Jealousy When youre inspired youre working against yourself in a GOOD way. You’re feeling motivated to make something great! Youre feeling motivated to make something better than the last piece!! And honestly thats wonderful!!!  That is a lot nicer than being in art-block, comparison negativity hell.

YOU are the only one responsible for where you are as an artist. That goes towards every artist of every skill level! There’s always someone better than you and there’s always someone worse than you. People get better at art in different intervals depending on how much they take in or put into practicing. Some people just get some concepts and fundamentals a lot easier and quicker than others but that doesn’t mean they naturally had that ability from birth. They put in the work just as you should be doing instead of feeling so intensely negative! But when you’re jealous and negative all the time, that’s when it starts to go downhill. :/

Jealously is a very human emotion at its core. And im not saying its super easy to deal with and just suddenly get over, but there are things you can do to slowly help yourself do it at least a little less.

Here’s the best things you CAN do instead:- - Write down some of the things you find yourself feeling bitter over about, especially when you look at another artists work? Ask yourself why these specific things? If it’s something you yourself can work on in your own pieces then maybe uh do that?  - Find the time to practice your work. - Practice even more. - If it’s your style that you arent happy with think of the artstyles you like and set aside time to mimic the way that artist might draw something (hence adding that to YOUR style). Take a sketchbook page or two and just draw entirely in those styles. - Practice. I can’t stress this enough. I know artists say this a lot and it can kind of just be thrown around carelessly, but if you keep putting this off and saying you don’t want to practice or talking about how time is going by when you should be practicing things.... and STILL refuse to practice then???? I cant help you sorry. Time waits for no one, so sometimes you need to grab time by the horns and kick its ass for awhile. Put in that effort! - Please use references. Even better if you use it nearly EVERYTIME you draw something, especially yknow...if its a pose, body part or background that you know you have no idea how to properly express! Find a stock image or a variety of websites to use! Save poses that you like from online magazines, other artists and photographs you see anywhere online. I like to look at online magazines from other countries or photographers, and there are tons of places like pinterest or instagram and whatnot. - Stop comparing and being bitter. Ii cant say this enough it gets me so ticked off, but my stubborn taurus self refuses to fully go off until it all piles up and this post is the result lol. If you know you can’t let go hating on a certain artist (for no good reason) then dont hate-follow them! Don’t check up on their work constantly! Don’t even talk about them!!!!!!! Try to get them out of your head for goodness sakes. Majority of the time they dont even know who YOU are so why are you worried about what they’re up to. - STOP SHITTING ON YOUR OWN WORK. - STOP IT RIGHT NOW. - AS THE ARTIST SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY ‘’hey, my work isn’t exactly where i want it to be at this point in time and it may never be but i can appreciate that i’ve gotten better at a lot of things and im better than where i was a few years/ a year/ a month ago/ even weeks ago.” - ”I’m proud of this piece and can’t wait to get even better.” - Art is a struggle that takes time, effort and a lot of work. There’s always going to be someone better than you and there’s always going to be someone worse than you. You can only strive to get to the level that would make you happiest, otherwise you will get irritated with it and feel absolutely miserable about everything you produce. - PUT IN THE WORK TO GET YOUR ART OUT THERE. Social media has been both a curse and a blessing to artists all around. It’s made it easier for us to share our work around and opened paths for making money online and at home and connecting with other artists, but competition grows everyday as more people post their work in the same market. (ie another reason why it can be hard to get your commissions out there) Also as artists we want that dopamine rush you get from people liking your stuff, i get that its gucci. -But if you aren’t tagging your works well, posting somewhat consistently, not really bothering to talk to people in certain art communities (even people in your fandom because hey potential friends and even partners on future projects), not adding your works to groups (a big problem i see with people on places like deviantart mostly), joining and sharing them in art group chats/aminos/discords, joining events to get yourself out there (such as zines/big bangs/gift exchanges etc), giving tips and advice or even little helpful tutorials to people then how do you expect to be noticed? How.  If youre not doing at least TWO of these things then hoW can you complain about not getting attention. :(

 Of course you dont have to do ALL of this. Im just saying ...if you arent out there advertising how will more people know about you? This leads to you thinking no one likes your art (skill level excluded because even my cringiest old art would have a few comments or encouragements to see my future improvement, and i still want to hide when people like/comment/reblog said old art to this very day). 

I understand mainly OC artists feel this way that no ones gonna like their characters, or it just doesnt get reblogged enough in general but thats understandable too. No one is ‘selling out’ if they only do fanart. No one is ‘snobby or scared to get themselves out there’ if theyre really enthusiastic about their stories and worlds. Otherwise we wouldnt have fandoms int he first place, theyre all someones work. And hell, good for you if you draw both. It really is just a matter of how you put yourself out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’ll take some time but there IS always someone out there that likes your stuff. And sometimes you just have to be content with making work for yourself, work that makes you happy. The online art world is tough especially when youre small but once you fall into the depths of bitterness its hard to rewire your mind...

This is how yall should be looking at your/others work majority of the time: You: seeing cool art  Your mind: omg thats beautiful! i wish i could draw and paint like that. i should practice more , try out some poses and anatomy or implement what they do into my work. i wanna make a cool ass piece like this too i feel so pumped to draw and work!! 

And that’s that! Do yourself a favor and be happier you bastards! Its tiring being negative and sad all the time and i want tf out of it. Its so very tiring and annoying to be sad and bitter as shit!!!!! My goD

I can’t really think of anything else to add to this and the text may appear angry sometimes as i was very heated when i wrote this but tried to tone it down a lot hfkds. Im not some ‘art guru goddess with supreme skill uwuw’ but advice is advice! It’s always up to the person listening to take it or not.

I’m gonna end this with one of my favorite art quotes of all time from t h e Arin Hanson himself. Because it really is true. 

Get yourself out there, practice towards a level that makes you content and try to have more fun with loving your work.

It’s taken me a long while to post this, as i’ve been feeling this way for...at least a couple months??? but i finally put it all out there i just needed to do this lol.  Sorry if i mightve repeated info sometimes here and there?

This post is just as much of a call out to my own actions but more so @ those of you that specifically do this! 

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

-----

Chapter 10: Romantic Advice And The Greatest Rap Battle In History

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

CG: HEY, DAVE. CG: I TRIED TO TROLL YOU YESTERDAY, BUT IT SAID YOU WERE IDLE. CG: ARE YOU HERE NOW?

TG: you bet your bottom dollar im here TG: sorry for not answering yesterday btw TG: got distracted by a bunch of other people pestering and trolling me

CG: IT’S FINE. CG: WE ALL GET BOMBARDED BY OTHERS AT SOME POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: WHO DID YOU TALK TO?

TG: some of my friends who you also apparently know or knew TG: i learned a lot of shit yesterday TG: namely that all of my friends know who you are TG: jade knows who you are TG: john knows who you are TG: terezi knows who you are but that was kind of expected but i did not expect that you were friends with her since fucking kindergarten TG: and then also aradia apparently was friends with you in middle school????

CG: WHAT? CG: YOU TALKED TO ARADIA? CG: GEEZ, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: HAS SHE DIED YET?

TG: not that i know of TG: as far as i know she is as nice and cheerful as ever

CG: CHEERFUL? CG: CLEARLY WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE SAME ARADIA.

TG: so you arent talking about aradia megido here

CG: I AM, BUT CHEERFUL IS PROBABLY THE LAST WORD I WOULD USE TO DESCRIBE HER. CG: SHE WAS ALWAYS KIND OF CREEPY, AND SHE ACTED DEAD HALF THE TIME. CG: SHE ALSO DID A BUNCH OF CRAZY SHIT AS IF SHE COULDN'T DIE. CG: IT WAS, FRANKLY, EXTREMLY CONCERNING.

TG: that doesnt sound like the ara i know at all TG: except for the crazy shit part TG: she still does crazy shit TG: the ara i know is super fucking cheerful and happy TG: wait when you say she acted dead what do you mean

CG: I MEAN SHE ACTED LIKE EVERYTHING WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN. CG: IT WAS HONESTLY SUPER CREEPY. CG: THE ONLY TIME I REMEMBER THAT SHE SHOWED SOME EMOTION WAS WHEN EQUIUS TRIED TO ASK HER OUT. CG: TO BE FAIR, HE DIDN'T EXACTLY DO IT IN THE BEST WAY. CG: HE KIND OF DESERVED TO GET BEAT UP.

TG: holy shit TG: i dont know who the fuck equius is but what was the damage

CG: HE HAD A BROKEN BONE OR TWO, AND HE ALSO HAD TWO BLACK EYES. CG: WHICH WAS REALLY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE SINCE HE WAS SUPER FUCKING BUFF AND KNEW MARTIAL ARTS.

TG: can a middle school child be buff

CG: YES. APPARANTLY. CG: AND, AS MUCH AS NEPETA THOUGHT THE PAIRING WAS CUTE, SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO ADMIT THAT THE WAY EQUIUS ASKED ARADIA OUT WAS CREEPY.

TG: how did he even ask her out

CG: IT'S A MEMORY I PREFER TO KEEP REPRESSED.

TG: that bad

CG: YES. CG: IT WAS HORRIBLE TO WATCH, AND THEN ARADIA GOT SUSPENDED FOR AN AMOUNT OF TIME.

TG: she did it at school???

CG: SHE DID. CG: SHE ALSO DIDN'T OFFER ANY MERCY. CG: THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE STOPPED BEATING UP EQUIUS IS BECAUSE A TEACHER MANAGED TO PRY HER OFF HIM.

TG: jesus christ TG: i wasnt even sure that aradia was capable of being angry TG: she was clearly a very different kind of person when she knew you

CG: CLEARLY.

TG: also i dont know who nepeta is either

CG: SHE WAS EQUIUS'S MOIRAIL. CG: SHE STILL IS, AS FAR AS I KNOW. CG: I TALK TO HER SEMI-OFTEN. CG: I SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO HER MORE.

TG: how many of your friends from middle school do you still even know and talk to

CG: WELL, I STILL TALK TO NEPETA, KANAYA, TEREZI, SOLLUX, AND ERIDAN. CG: SOMETIMES I HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF TALKING TO EQUIUS. CG: GAMZEE STILL CONTACTS ME SOMETIMES, BUT I TRY TO AVOID TALKING WITH HIM BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST. CG: I'VE BARELY HEARD ABOUT VRISKA SINCE SHE WENT TO JAIL FOR SOMETHING. CG: I CAN'T, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, REMEMBER FOR WHAT, BUT I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN FOR STEALING SOMETHING. CG: AND THEN I DON'T REALLY TALK TO FEFERI, TAVROS, OR ARADIA ANYMORE. CG: I THINK THAT'S BASICALLY EVERYONE I WAS FRIENDS WITH IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.

TG: holy shit thats a shit ton of people TG: when i was in middle school i was only friends with john jade and rose TG: and rose was my fucking twin and john and jade lived miles and miles away from me TG: and you still talk to a bunch of them TG: even if i dont know who most of them are but will probably find out eventually TG: i think john once dated a girl named vriska TG: dont know if it is the same one

CG: WAS SHE WEIRDLY OBSESSED WITH SPIDERS AND THE NUMBER EIGHT?

TG: she was actually

CG: THEN IT WAS THE SAME ONE I KNEW.

TG: shit TG: john still has lingering effects of her influence TG: like typing out eight characters when drawing words out

CG: WELL, SHE WASN'T DATING JOHN WHEN I MET HIM, SO SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF JAIL.

TG: well i guess that development is settled TG: i apparently know a fair amount of the people you knew TG: who would have guessed

CG: PROBABLY ANYONE WHO KNEW BOTH OF US CG: ALSO, COULD I ASK YOU FOR ARADIA'S TROLLHANDLE? CG: I WAS BEING SERIOUS WHEN I SAID I HADN'T TALKED TO HER IN AGES. CG: AND I DON'T KNOW IF SHE STILL HAS THE SAME TROLLHANDLE.

TG: sure thing dude TG: her trollhandle is apocalypsearisen

CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S STILL THE SAME. CG: I COULD HAVE CONTACTED HER AT ANY FUCKING TIME.

TG: i wouldnt worry about it that much TG: you probably just didnt want to risk contacting someone super weird who you didnt actually know anything about

CG: I GUESS, BUT STILL.

TG: besides it is super hard to get a hold of her at all so i only really ever talk to her like once every few months TG: she does all this archeology shit so half the time she is in a place with no internet

CG: OH. CG: I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE. CG: ARCHEOLOGY IS PRETTY COOL THOUGH.

TG: yeah she gets to lead expeditions and shit now its pretty fucking awesome TG: going around licking shit to see if something is a rock or a bone

CG: WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU GO AROUND LICKING RANDOM THINGS TO SEE IF IT IS A ROCK OR A BONE?

TG: because if it is a bone then your tongue will stick TG: thats how you know its not going to be useless if you shove it into a museum

CG: THAT'S REALLY WEIRD.

TG: you havent even heard about licking some thousand or something year old honey to see if it was still good TG: spoilers TG: it was because honey never spoils

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT.

TG: no man its one hundred percent true TG: complete and absolute fact

CG: I'M STILL GOING TO CALL BULLSHIT.

TG: dont say i didnt warn ya TG: one day youre going to be arguing with someone and then youll both look it up on wikipedia to see whos right TG: and low and behold you were wrong TG: you will have to live with that humiliation for the rest of your life

CG: I THINK I'LL GET OVER IT.

TG: wow okay

CG: ANYWAY, I'M GLAD ARADIA IS DOING SOMETHING THAT SHE PRESUMABLY ENJOYS WITH HER LIFE. CG: SHE DOES ENJOY HER JOB, RIGHT?

TG: hell yeah she does TG: every time i contact her we trade stories about things that have happened in the past few months TG: sometimes really dumb shit happens that we tell to our other friends TG: while others are closely guarded secrets that we only tell one another and they never see the light of day

CG: WHAT KIND OF SECRETS?

TG: secret secrets TG: the most secrety kind of secrets you could ever conceivably have and share with another living thing that has the capability to tell others your secret TG: except that you trust them enough not to tell anybody about it

CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU ONLY TALK TO HER ONCE EVERY FEW MONTHS?

TG: yeah i would like to talk to her more but she is a busy person and so am i TG: our schedules dont always line up TG: particularly because of her going to places where she doesnt have internet and is therefore unable to contact anybody

CG: THAT SOUNDS PRETTY SHITTY. CG: I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT TALKING TO KANAYA FOR MONTHS AT A TIME.

TG: its a system that works just fine for aradia and i TG: it would be nice to see her in person every now and then tho

CG: WAIT, I HAVE A QUESTION. CG: HOWEVER, IT MAY BE KIND OF PERSONAL, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

TG: ill answer depending on the question so go ahead and shoot

CG: ARE YOU MOIRAILS WITH ARADIA? CG: BECAUSE A LOT OF THE STUFF YOU DESCRIBED TALKING TO HER ABOUT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING YOU WOULD ONLY EVER TELL YOUR MOIRAIL.

TG: oh um TG: moirail is like the intimate best friend right TG: like pale and shit

CG: YES. THAT IS THE QUADRANT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

TG: ... TG: i actually have no idea

CG: OKAY, SO IF YOU TWO AREN'T OFFICIAL MOIRAILS YET, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HER?

TG: shit man i dont know TG: i just kind of think that shes a cool person who i would prefer to hang out with more TG: but like i know that her job is important to her

CG: YES?

TG: i dont know its just like TG: it would be nice to hear more from her TG: just to know that shes alive and doing well and safe and shit TG: you know

CG: YES, I DO KNOW. CG: BECAUSE I HAVE A MOIRAIL, SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT HERE.

TG: oh TG: huh TG: i feel like my previous definition is an intimate friend was kind of correct then TG: but like also kind of not TG: im not exactly sure how serious this kind of relationship is though

CG: IT JUST DEPENDS ON WHO YOU DECIDE TO BE MOIRAILS WITH. CG: FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT'S A VERY SERIOUS COMMITMENT, BUT, FOR OTHERS, IT'S MORE CASUAL. CG: SOME EVEN WANT TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP, WHICH IS MORE COMMON WITH HUMANS, BUT WHATEVER. CG: REALLY, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO ARADIA ABOUT THIS AND TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. CG: IF THE TWO OF YOU HAVE BEEN SHARING SECRETS LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE, THEN SHE PROBABLY FEELS THE SAME WAY. CG: ALTHOUGH, THE RELATIONSHIP MAY BE DIFFICULT TO MAINTAIN BECAUSE OF DISTANCE. CG: ON THE OTHER HAND, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HASN'T BEEN DIMINISHED FROM TIME AND DISTANCE, SO IT MIGHT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO TURN INTO A STRONG MOIRALLEGIANCE.

TG: i think im going to think on it for a bit longer TG: but thanks anyway for the relationship advice

CG: OF COURSE. CG: ROMANCE IS MY FORTE.

TG: speaking of romance though TG: talk to me about your novel TG: it sounds pretty interesting from what little i have heard about it TG: and based on the amount of writing i have read from you its really good TG: so you should totally yell at the top of your lungs about it TG: shout your passions to the world and if anyone gives you shit about it punch them

CG: I DO THAT ANYWAYS. CG: I HAVE PUNCHED MULTIPLE PEOPLE. CG: THERE IS REALLY NO NEED TO ENCOURAGE IT.

TG: thats the spirit TG: so novel time TG: lay out your outline of novel in amazing detail for me TG: or whatever amount you feel comfortable with TG: really there isnt any pressure or anything

CG: FINE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO INSISTENT. CG: THE BASIC SETTING OF MY NOVEL IS THAT TWO INDIVIDUALS MEET WHILE IN COLLEGE. CG: THEY MEET IN A TEA SHOP BECAUSE I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. CG: SO ANYWAY, WHEN THEY FIRST MEET, THEY FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER. CG: THEY'RE JUST COMPLETE OPPOSITES, BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT A BUNCH OF THEIR FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER, SO THEY END UP SPENDING MORE TIME TOGETHER. CG: THE MORE TIME THEY SPEND TOGETHER, THE MORE THEY REALIZE THAT THEY ACTUALLY LIKE THE OTHER PERSON. CG: WHICH EVENTUALLY LEADS TO THEM FALLING IN LOVE AND BEGINNING TO DATE.

TG: that sounds super interesting TG: infinitely better than that bullshit in romance novels where they fall in love with each other instantly and then spend most of the novel skirting around each other and beating around the bush TG: i havent actually read any romance novels but im pretty sure that is how it goes

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW IT GOES USUALLY. CG: AS MUCH AS A LOVE ROMANCE BOOKS AND MOVIES, THAT TROPE IS PRETTY FUCKING ANNOYING. CG: IT'S LIKE, JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER, YOU COMPLETE DOUCHNOZZLES! CG: OKAY, SO I MAY NOT BE THE BEST PERSON TO SAY THAT, BUT STILL! CG: I GOT BETTER! CG: I ASKED OUT KANAYA, AND IT WAS GREAT!

TG: really

CG: YES. CG: PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK THAT KANAYA WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED ME OUT, BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE. CG: I GATHERED UP THE NERVE, AND I TOLD HER THAT I WAS PALE FOR HER. CG: YEAH, *SOME* PEOPLE MAY CALL MY APPROACH A TAD BIT EXTRA, BUT I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC, GODDAMNIT!

TG: how exactly are you supposed to be romantic with pale romance

CG: I GAVE HER SOME FLOWERS, WHICH CAN BE USED TO EXPRESS FEELINGS FOR ANY AND ALL THE QUADRANTS. CG: TYPICALLY PEOPLE JUST WRAP THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN A COLORED WRAP THAT REPRESENTS THEIR FEELINGS. CG: RED FOR RED, PINK FOR PALE, BLACK FOR BLACK, AND GRAY FOR ASHEN. CG: I HAPPENED TO ALSO CHOOSE FLOWERS THAT WERE MEANINGFUL AS WELL, SO THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS I GAVE KANAYA HAD YELLOW ROSES, AND IT ALSO HAD SOME CHRYSANTHEMUMS.

TG: what do those mean

CG: YELLOW ROSES MEAN FRIENDSHIP, WHILE CHRYSANTHEMUMS MEAN SUPPORT. CG: I TRIED TO AVOID ANY FLOWERS THAT MEANT LONGEVITY AND STUFF LIKE THAT BECAUSE THOSE CAN MAKE YOU LOOK DESPERATE. CG: YOU ONLY GIVE THOSE SORTS OF FLOWERS TO SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN YOUR MOIRAIL FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. CG: IT IS ALSO TRADITIONAL FOR THE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS TO BE TIED WITH TWO RIBBONS, ONE WITH YOUR BLOOD COLOR, AND THE OTHER WITH THE OTHER'S BLOOD COLOR. CG: SOME PEOPLE DO DIFFERENT KNOTS TO REPRESENT DIFFERENT THINGS, BUT I WON'T GET INTO THAT.

TG: this all sounds really fucking complicated

CG: YEAH, WELL THAT IS PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE CALLED ME EXTRA. CG: BUT, IN ADDITION TO THE FLOWERS, IT IS ROMANTIC TO BRING THE PALE ROMANTIC INTEREST THEIR COMFORT FOOD, ALONG WITH ONE OF THEIR FAVORITE MOVIES OR BOOKS. CG: IT SHOWS THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW THE PERSON FAIRLY WELL, AND WOULD LIKE TO PURSUE A PALE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM. CG: SO, I BROUGHT KANAYA HER COMFORT FOOD AND HER FAVORITE BOOK.

TG: i assume she responded positively since you two are now moirails

CG: YES. CG: WE HAD A VERY ENJOYABLE DATE.

TG: are there any nuances about the other quadrants i should know about

CG: IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE WILLING TO DO A BLACK OR ASHEN RELATIONSHIP. CG: MOST PARTICIPATE IN THE MORE RED QUADRANTS, BUT MANY FEEL WEIRD ABOUT THE DARKER ONES. CG: TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO KEEP UP BECAUSE THEY REQUIRE A PROPER RIVALRY. CG: THE BASIC STIRRINGS OF BLACK FEELINGS IS A FEELING OF RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON. CG: YOU CAN'T HAVE A PROPER RIVALRY IF YOU DON'T RESPECT THE OTHER PERSON AND RECOGNIZE THAT THEY HAVE GOOD TRAITS. CG: THE MORE MAJOR FEELINGS THAT TEND TO GET UP PLAYED ARE THE FEELINGS OF ANIMOSITY TOWARDS THE OTHER PERSON. CG: HOWEVER, PEOPLE SEEM TO FORGET THAT THE RESPECT PLAYS A HUGE PART IN BLACK ROMANCE. CG: THE ASHEN QUADRANT IS EVEN MORE DIFFICULT BECAUSE IT TAKES THE BLACK QUADRANT AND ADDS ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE SURE THAT THE KISMESISES DON'T KILL EACH OTHER. CG: SOMETIMES, THE HAPPENINGS OF A PITCH RELATIONSHIP IS DEPENDENT ON HOW GOOD THE AUSPISTICE IS. CG: AND THERE ARE VERY FEW GOOD AUSPISTICES, MUCH LESS PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTING IN BEING ONE. CG: KANAYA IS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE I KNOW WHO ACTUALLY HOLDS AN INTEREST IN BEING AN AUSPISTICE, SO SHE KNOWS MORE ABOUT IT.

TG: well thats a shit ton of information TG: i think i need my info a bit more spread out and a bit more simply worded TG: although it might just be because i have a hard time wrapping my mind around this black romance stuff TG: i think ill stick with the red quadrants thank you very much

CG: WELL, IF YOU EVER NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT QUADRANTS AND THE ROMANCE ASSOCIATED WITH EACH OF THEM, THEN I'M THE PERSON TO GO TO.

TG: i think i got that with the first word about quadrants that decided to waterfall out of your mouth

CG: THAT IS BECAUSE I AM SUPERIOR WHEN IT COMES TO KNOWLEDGE ABOUT QUADRANTS.

TG: yes you are TG: bow down to the great king of quadrants everybody TG: his greatness and might are too glorious to behold TG: youve got to fuckin look in the corner of your eyes to even begin to behold his beauty and glory TG: all hail the king of the quadrants

CG: FUCK YES. CG: BOW DOWN TO ME, PEASANTS, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. CG: QUIVER BEFORE MY MIGHT.

TG: they quiver before you my liege TG: they are fearful of the power you possess

CG: OKAY, THIS IS SOUNDING WAY TOO MUCH LIKE ONE OF NEPETA'S ROLEPLAYS, SO I'M GOING TO PUT A STOP TO IT HERE. CG: JUST, STOP.

TG: oh shit if nepeta does this kind of roleplay shit im going to need a way to contact her

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVER WANT TO GIVE YOU THE MEANS TO TALK TO HER.

TG: because you want your friends to meet each other

CG: NOT REALLY. CG: ANYTIME THAT HAPPENS, THE TWO END UP GETTING ALONG INSUFFERABLY WELL, AND THEY END UP MAKING ME SUFFER.

TG: i guess ill just have to find another way to get her contact information

CG: GOOD FUCKING LUCK WITH THAT. CG: BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU END UP TALKING TO NEPETA, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TALK TO EQUIUS AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. CG: THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS. CG: THE TWO ARE SO PALE FOR EACH OTHER IT'S ALMOST SICKENING. CG: YOU MIGHT END UP WITH A BROKEN HAND.

TG: what for talking to nepeta TG: that seems like a dick move

CG: NO, IT WON'T BE FOR TALKING TO NEPETA. CG: IT WILL JUST BE FOR MEETING HIM. CG: HE HAS A REALLY STRONG HANDSHAKE. CG: DO NOT USE YOUR DOMINATE HAND WHEN GIVING HIM A HANDSHAKE.

TG: ... TG: ill keep that in mind TG: btw i want to know something TG: has rose pestered you yet

CG: WHY WOULD SHE PESTER ME?

TG: so she hasnt TG: she found out it was going to be kanayas bday soon and she was freaking out about it TG: because she didnt know what to get kanaya TG: i told her to contact you since you are moirails with kanaya

CG: KANAYA WOULD BE OVERJOYED JUST BEING GIVEN A GIFT FROM ROSE. CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT ROSE IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT.

TG: thats what i said TG: but yeah you should probably message her just to make sure she hasnt gone into solitude about it

CG: HAS SHE ACTUALLY GONE INTO SOLITUDE FOR THINGS LIKE THAT?

TG: no TG: she mostly goes into solitude near a book deadline TG: but still TG: it is a concern of mine

CG: ALRIGHT. CG: I'LL TRY TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER. CG: WHAT'S HER HANDLE?

TG: tentacletherapist

CG: I GUESS I'LL GO MESSAGE HER NOW. CG: I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

TG: see ya my dude

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

You begin to brainstorm ideas for possible videos for your channel in the future, and you kept this up for about an hour before someone started messaging you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

GA: This Is Dave Correct GA: I Am Kanaya Just In Case You Did Not Recognize My Handle

TG: yep this is dave TG: whats up kanaya what do you need

GA: I Do Not Actually Need Anything From You GA: I Simply Wanted To Make Sure That I Had The Handle Right Before Contacting You In The Future GA: However I Would Not Be Adverse To A Conversation

TG: well lets see what could we possibly talk about TG: there are a shit ton of potential topics we could discuss TG: and yet my brain is coming up blank TG: despite all my swank this shit aint ready to bank TG: the topics at hand are inside the void TG: were reaching for them grabbing at them TG: but we miss more than a storm trooper droid TG: we pick up a topic and were like oh shit we grabbed it TG: only for it to slip out of our hands and end up cracking it

GA: Do You Happen To Partake In The Art Of Slam Poetry

TG: thats like the troll way of saying rap right TG: hell fucking yeah i do TG: do you want to do a rap battle with me

GA: I Do Not Do This Sort Of Thing Very Often But I Would Like To Accept Your Challenge GA: Would You Rather You Or I Go First

TG: if youre feeling up to it you can go first

GA: If You Insist GA: Here I Go GA: The World Was Created A Long Time Ago GA: And Yet It Has No Time For Your Parlor Tricks GA: All They Do Is Make Us Sick GA: The Stars Align And They Make Me Shine GA: Far Brighter Than The Sun That I Have Claimed As Mine GA: You Seem To Have The Belief That You Are Better Than I GA: But I Regret To Inform You That I Will Make You Cry

TG: holy shit that was great TG: but frankly i have to reiterate TG: my rhymes are slick and holding to a beat TG: theres not a lot of thinking that goes into what im bringing TG: theres no time to think no time to meet TG: just listen to the words here that i here am singing TG: youve got to have more than rhymes to kick my ass TG: and frankly based on that youre not gonna last TG: cause my beats are sick so sick in fact TG: that my old raps are practically some cool artifact

GA: That Youre Raps Are An Artifact You Have Correct GA: But I Have To Inform You That You Need To Double Check GA: What You Think It Means At Least GA: For I Believe They Were Thrown In The Garbage Yesterday GA: You Should Feel Horrid If That Is The Case GA: That Is Where They Were Meant To Be Anyway GA: Mine However Are The Hottest You Ever Will See GA: And If You Say Otherwise All Will Disagree

TG: my rhymes may be trash but theyre ironically shitty TG: just wait and see if you can reach my level of petty TG: my beats made of coal and with enough pressure and heat TG: my beats will be the most beautiful diamonds on the street TG: ill be forever engrained in the earth TG: youll be the one always waiting around for a rebirth

GA: Im Going To Have To Say I Agree Your Rhymes Are Shitty GA: Theyre Gritty And Im Pretty GA: And Im Worth More Than Being Just Petty GA: Youre Admitting That Your Trash GA: You Might As Well Be Ash GA: Ive Won Already So I Hope That You Are Ready GA: Your Diamonds Are Fake As Is Your Declaration GA: Just Pack Up Your Bags Youre Leaving The Station

TG: okay okay i yield TG: leaving the station now TG: didnt even pack my bags thats how roasted my ass got TG: your rhymes are too sick for me to handle TG: like holy shit where did you learn to rap like that

GA: I Dabble In The Art Of Slam Poetry And The Art Of Poetry Alike GA: Not As Often As I Would Like Though GA: Perhaps We Can Do This Again Another Time

TG: i will totally take you up on your offer TG: its been a while since ive had a worthy opponent TG: especially one that beat me into the ground so soundly

GA: I Will Continue Honing My Skills

TG: and ill do the same over here

GA: It Was Enjoyable Talking With You GA: Or In This Case Slamming With You GA: I Will Contact You In The Future

TG: wait hold on before you go TG: karkat mentioned a friend named nepeta and i want to get her contact info TG: do you have this information

GA: Her Trollhandle Is ArsenicCatnip GA: However I Do Not Know Why Karkat Would Withhold This Information From You

TG: i think he might have been worried how well we would get along

GA: I Still Do Not Understand GA: I Should Be Going Now GA: I Will Message You Again In The Future

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, you guess it’s time to message Nepeta for the first time.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering arsenicCatnip [AC] --

TG: yo youre nepeta right TG: i heard about you from my friend karkat who is also your friend TG: i got your handle from kanaya tho because karkat refused TG: he said he didnt want to bring the powers that we have together TG: well i said fuck that and so here i am pestering you

AC: :33 < i am nepeta, but who are mew?

TG: oh shit TG: i guess i completely forgot to introduce my awesome self TG: im dave TG: nice to meet you

AC: :33 < its nice to m33t you too! AC: :33 < how did you and karcat meet? AC: :33 < he doesnt really talk to anyone outside his furiend group

TG: i met him at his work and i kinda rambled a shit ton like i always do TG: and i made him laugh and i gave him my chumhandle

AC: :33 < ! AC: :33 < you made him laugh? AC: :33 < i almost nefur hear him laugh beclaws he just wants to be all grumpy all the time

TG: it might of just been because he was at work and didnt feel like risking yelling at me TG: which he does all the time TG: anyway i heard you like roleplaying with people

AC: :33 < i do! AC: :33 < would mew like to rolepurrlay with me?

TG: hell yes

AC: :33 < i usually rolepurrlay as a cat AC: :33 < what would mew like to be?

TG: shit if were going to be doing animals and shit then i want to be a crow TG: crows are the shit TG: you can start if you want to

AC: :33 < *ac crouches behind some bushes, watching her unsuspecting prey*

TG: *tg stands there pecking at the ground or some shit*

AC: :33 < *when ac is sure the crow isnt suspecting it, she pounces!*

TG: *tg squawks as ac attacks him he is completely fucking oblivious to how this could have possibly happened*

AC: :33 < *ac successfurlly holds the crow in her claws, purrparing to eat her dinner*

TG: *tg begs that ac does not eat him over and over he shouts to not be eaten by her*

AC: :33 < *ac carefurlly considers not eating the crow* AC: :33 < *in the end, howefur, ac opens her maw and asks if the crow would like to watch a documentary about animals!*

TG: *tg stares in disbelief at his tactic of begging actually working* TG: *not wanting to give ac any reason to eat him he accepts her invitation* TG: *he says that he would love to*

AC: :33 < *ac says that this rolepurrlay was furry fun!*

TG: *tg says ditto and would like to do this again sometime*

AC: :33 < *ac agrees but must go now so she will troll you again in the furture*

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] --

Well, that was pretty fun. Soon enough, you both will be able to use your powers for evil. And by evil, you mean to annoy Karkat, at least a little bit. Maybe you could invite them both out at some point.

You hear the doorbell ring, and you go to the door to find a package at your doorstep. Sweet. More stuff to review for your channel. As if you didn’t have enough shit already.

You set up your recording stuff and start recording. You open the box in absolute silence and slowly pull out the merchandise. It’s a rug. A very, very soft rug.

“The first carpet industry was made in 1791 by a dude named William Sprague in Philadelphia. However, it isn’t the United States that make the best rugs. Eastern counties actually have the best carpets, like India. They make a hell of a lot of rugs. This rug isn’t from India though. It’s just a really soft rug. Look how soft that shit is. Softer than the nicest goddamned silk in the world.”

You rub the carpet against your face.

“Just be sure to take off all the tags so you can get the full sensory experience of the rug. Now, of course, I can’t just keep rubbing my face against this lovely carpet. I’ve got to put it on the floor where it can do what it’s supposed to do. Be a rug.”

You place the carpet on the floor and step on it. You wriggle around your toes.

“Still just as amazing on my feet as it was on my face. Though, you might not want it to rub your face against it once you’ve rubbed your feet on it. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. I’m not judging. But you might want to wash it.”

After a few more minutes of rambling on about the texture and color and other sensory stuff about the carpet before stopping the recording.

Time to edit the fuck out of this shit. After you find a place for the pink carpet you bought. It was way too nice to throw away, and pink is a great color.

[dream2074interviews]

Zoe Interview Transcript

F: First can you just introduce yourself, like where are you from how old are you

Z: so um my name is zoe its always a weird question when someone asks me where im from because most of the time its like “what are you?” instead of where are you from

N: yeah i get that

Z: so um I’m half british and half ugandan and um i was actually born in botswana where my dad was teaching at a university there and then we moved to england when i was 4 and i lived in cambridge for like 8 months and then my parents were like this is way too expensive and the moved to a little place called huntingdon which is 20 minutes outside of cambridge and half an hour from peterborough so thats where im from and now im in london after studying a fashion and textiles degree at LCF

N: how old were you when you moved to here?

Z: I’d just turned 20 cos i did an art foundation course which w- and now that i think about it im so happy i came at that age because i had friends that came when they were 18 straight away to uni to london to a new city and i couldn’t have done it

N: really?? Z: I felt like i was too young at 20 to be in london N: Why??

Z: Just I dont know cos like suddenly when your with you parents and everything’s safe and you’re in this small town and blah blah blah and then being.. you’re thrown into this city also i didnt really like like the first two years of my course so it was a bit of an overwhelming experience and then yeah

N: oh god i feel that Z: but yeah im happy its over now F: How do you feel about living in this society Z: In...? F: in london

Z: in london um when i first moved here i was super excited like for me i always knew that i wanted something more than Huntingdon where i was cos its quite- i love my friends there and everything but its very stand still, nothings really happening nothings really going anywhere and i always knew i wanted something more i knew i wanted- i wanted to keep exploring and travelling so when i came to london i was so excited that theres stuffhappening all the time i can literally go to galleries blah blah blah meet new and interesting people um yeah i loved it and.. i .. it was also really good in the sense that back home i didn’t really feel like i fit in um there wasn’t really that many people into art

um... i looked very different from everybody else and all the things i hated when i was in huntingdon suddenly when i was in london everyone was like omg this is amazing can i shoot you? and can i do this and i was like ok? like this is cool like this is nice that all of the things that over the years I’ve started to hate about myself... i needed it then cos it helped me to just be like.. live your life you know and just be like just chill out you know like things are ok you dont need to be blahblah.. sorry i lost my train of thought now

N: thats cool, but like... has that stayed with you during your time in london like are you still, do you still feel like that or,

Z: still feel like?

N: do you still feel like you need to be part of this like everything constantly moving everything happening or

Z: oh yeah i do definitely when i slow down its like oh god whats going on, even though i complain all the time about commuting and stuff like that i wouldn’t pick anywhere else cos im so inspired every day when i walk around like people here are like everyones here trying to hustle and like do their thing get their work done and that drives me cos back home everyones in a different mindset they’re just living for the next day really

N: content with a 9-5 Z: yeah! N: yeah i get it

Z: content with a 9-5 but then spending all their weekend like spending all their money just getting... messed up... for no reason! like i look at them and im like it must be such a depressing..

N: yeah... yeah i totally get it like im from birmingham so like exactly the same mentality like no-one like everyones like happy being within this /thing/ like everyones locked in doing the same thing every day getting fucked on the weekend and then like going back again and yeah like here everyones kind of like here trying to do something BIG

Z: yeah yep

N: I feel like its cos London... like all the major cities in the world are like not really part of that country they are but theyre sort of.. theyre more part of their own country so theyre all connected theyre all more international thinking

Z: literally! N: Its so much better

Z: its so true like you know when brexit was happening like they were like cant we just make london separate because theres so many people from so many different places and thats what i love like yeah my hometown.. it was more diverse than a lot of places a lot of towns in the UK so i was around lots of-i was around people of colour- i think that would have messed me up even more if there was nobody of colour and it would have been just white.. but i think it was just more boys so obviously i wasn’t going to hang out with them

so for me a lot of my time was spent with one type of girl and thats what i then internalised as “oh i need to be like this and i need to look like that and anyway its just stupidness like when you were younger are youre like “oh boys aren’t going to blah blah blah and you’d be like well if i look like this and i talk like this and i act like this then ill be fine” so i feel like it was a very good move of me moving to london it made me realise... like why are you why are you thinking you need to be like that when you’re absolutely fine likeee just get on with it!

N: yeah its true! I feel like just moving in general like even if you dont move to london like you just have to move somewhere else like you lose all of that perspective of like what everyone else has been telling you and you get another group of people... and i think when you’re young as well youre just so soft-even if you’re like strong as yourself- like im very stubborn and like quite but like it affects you! you get moulded

Z: it really does! N: it breaks you down

Z: and you dont realise how much it does until you suddenly have this breakdown and you’re thinking about it and all these things and you’re like oh god ok that really explains that and like

N: sometimes it takes a while for your train of thought to like Z: kick in yeah N: and like be aware of it! Z: to catch up with you yeah

F: What do you love about yourself right now, how you feel you're the same or different as a woman?

Z: So uhh i im more comfortable in myself yes 100% yeah but during uni i- like i said before i’d been struggling my whole life like i had a bit of a breakdown in second year where i was just like i cant keep up with this work or the work that im producing just doesn’t seem to be what theyre wanting and im not very good at talking to people so i just kept it all inside and then i ended up just yeah... i had to go home for a bit i had to blahblahblah and throughout that period i realised i had a really bad problem with anxiety... just communicating with people like sometimes i come across as a really confident person and i can talk to anyone then theres other times where im just like i dont know how to have a normal conversation with you like im trying to and then i realise im starting to not make sense and that can so um yeah i am better but especially after uni im like im having a bit of like identity problems and stuff like that

N: placeless-ness Z: yes placeless-ness, definitely N: yea i totally get you, everything you just said i’m like YEP

Z: yeah i think the worst thing is when i find myself talking to someone and im like wow i cant even hold a conversation what is going on with me like- and then you can see other people are just like ok... maybe thats just me though maybe im being silly but yeah thats one of the problems with myself now that im trying to work on its my anxiety just being like hey zoe like why are you stressin like theres no point stressing like there literally no. point. at all. i say this to myself a hundred times a day but yet here i am like

N: stressin out!

Z: yeah, so yeah thats i feel like once i get grounded in what i wanna do thats gonna help out a lot when im like this is where im supposed to be im happy im fine. i mean its better than it was when i was a child i was very sen conscious i never thought like cos i was this massive 6 ft 15 year old like with like huge hair and everyone had like perfect straight hair n that was just yeah i was just always the different one and i hated being the different one. I wished, because of my anxiety i wished i could just be normal and like in the corner hidden away but yeah..

N: its good though like, i feel like now you seem to be more aware of everything so its like putting things in to perspective helps a lot like all those things that make you different like you start to just appreciate them and realise that yeah this is kinda cool like its shit, its shit being normal like why would you wanna be average i cant take it

Z: I think- it sounds funny but one of the things that hit me about my appearance- i used to hate my freckles because i thought it made me look dirty blahblahblah but when i came to london and you know there was- i feel like when i first moved here as well i was probably everyone was like ohhh freckles, cos you know you can get those freckle pencil from topshop!

N: yeah yeah!

Z: and one of my housemates in first year in halls every morning would draw on freckles so seeing that made me be like i need to be more thankful because these are natural like yeah im just gonna stop caring

N: ugh wholesome it’s so much better and wholesome way of thinking!

F: So how do you prefer to connect with other people now like do you prefer to communicate like straightforward or whats your way of communicating with society?

Z: i feel like right now im just a lot more straightforward, open, after i had to go home for ages i hated being like oh im just away for a bit i found it just a bit like ooh uhh not satisfying but more, it was easier to just be like look I’ve had to go home for a bit, I’ve been in hospital, im recovering, im gonna come back and it was better for me because then people knew exactly what was going on and they didn’t care they wanted to help which was better than me just faffing about so for me now i just try to be more open about everything if im having a tough day im just like look im having a tough day like this is whats happened blah blah blah i dont want to dwell on this i want to move on blahblahblah and if i wanna talk to people im gonna be like hey lets meet up lets do something so im just a lot more forward whereas before i just was trying to please people and i was just pussyfooting around everything and i wouldn’t get to the point and yeah

N: yeah i get that, i had a mental breakdown in likeee may this year and its because like i was just keeping everything in and it was its so difficult cos people like expect you to be a certain way especially if they like if they like semi know you

Z: YEAH

N: they think that thats you as a whole but really you’ve got all this shit going on and i was like look, im dying, im going to therapy now

Z: exactly, thats the hard thing though when people see you smiling all the time. i dont know ah its so sad but half the time its just fake like im just trying to get through my day the easiest i can so i can get home and you know

N: but its so much better you know when you’re sad to actually be sad so its like cos you dont have the pressure of being- the lie- the performance- the perfomance on you. The performance kills you

Z: yeah it was the performance and because i was so sad and i let it go on for 3 or 4 years i mean my mum kinda knew that i wasn’t happy and stuff like that and yeah.. that was so nice to be like yeah i don’t have to act anymore because that was another thing i was like it would make me hate myself, cos i was like you’re so fake youre this that and then it would be this daily thing of me- oh my god I’m gonna cry- it would be this daily thing of me just being like you’re a piece of shit like why are you even trying like whats the point. So for me to just be like no this is whats happening and this is whats going on it was just yeah, so much nicer to just sort of let go

N: yep yeah i feel that it’s difficult

F: Do you want to share a part of yourself with other people or do you prefer to hide yourself more?

Z: um so im a lot more cautious with who i share myself with, and I’m a lot more picky in a sense, and i know that sounds bad but i think you have to be picky with the people you surround yourself with and I’ve reduced it, because beforehand you’d have those friends that you weren’t really friends with you’re just like acquaintances and they were friends of a friend like you felt like you had to keep up so now that all of that is gone its just easier for me to be 100% honest with those few people and yeah it just you feel a lot more together for a start but when it comes to interacting with the world i just think to myself- like i wanna be a happy person in order to just because in london everyone is so moody all the time and i don’t think that people understand that you saying one horrible thing to someone can completely ruin their day cos its happened to me before when someones like pushed me in a queue or just said “move” or “hurry up” or something and I’ve already been in such a shit mood that its just added to the top of it and I’ve been like right I’m done like so for me its really important to hold myself and be like how i’d want people to treat me, yeah every day everyone is going through so much i just think its so horrible when people are mean or just impatient

N: its just not productive is it, where are we getting with it Z: yeah exactly

N: I get what you mean about the friendships i feel like we have a certain amount of energy and like when you have acquaintances and stuff or friends that are sort of fake like you end up giving if youre a sensitive person, you give them a lot of your energy and you don’t get that back theres this imbalance and that hurts

Z: IT HURTS

N: yeah it drains you

Z: thats the thing i was giving so much of myself spreading myself so thin. Whether that be oh yeah ill come help you with this and that and then i’d have no time to myself and i was running myself down and i wasn’t eating or sleeping blah blah blah all for other people! which yeah ok thats good but i wasn’t thinking like wait zoe you need to kind of look after yourself too cos thats one thing when youve got mental health issues you go through a while i think of not thinking about yourself, and then also sometimes people will call you selfish so its hard to remember like you need to take care of yourself

N: yeah you have to take care of yourself because like if you don’t then you wont be able to like your energy is precious like you need to nurture it with the people who are gonna give it to you back and like it should grow always

Z: exactly, the people who are there for you in the long run

N: like you said like your mom and everything, family and that kind of thing its such a special thing if you have a good relationship, its like so solid and it wont ever fade like you’ll do anything for each other. I think people have that with friends as well but then like theres certain kinds of friends where its just like theyre not gonna give you that back, and they’ll keep taking as much as they can because they only see that one side of you where you’re smiley and stuff. i feel like they don’t stretch their minds enough to understand that you’ve got this whole other world going on

Z: and also sometimes.... back to the thing about my mum. although she knew that i struggled a bit, i didn’t tell her the full story because in my head- because my mum is a really strict christian and um whenever i come to her with something she’d just be like shall we just pray about it and i’d be like its not...

N: I can relate!!

Z: I’d be like bless you but right now its not gonna do anything for me like, I’m telling you i wanna kill myself and you’re telling me lets pray to jesus.. it was frustrating and it was... hard and it did isolate me even more because i was like well who can i talk to?! and then i was like well stop being silly and when i got sent to hospital and i just told my mum everything she was like- she still is now like are you praying are you doing this and I'm like erm

N: it's difficult with religious parents because for them it's like the ultimate form of care they believe like that is what is going to help you and there only putting that forward because that is what they want for you they've got so much love for you it’s really difficult I went through that with my parents

Z: and you get to a point where you're like is there anyone even listening to me?

........(lost her train of thought here) F: so do you enjoy sharing part of yourself with people?

Z: when I can find people, where we’re on the same wavelength, we've got the same vibe, the same vision, we’re not wasting each other time, when are being those people where oh you read my text and you didn’t reply back. When you find people that you just get on with each other and you understand each other like if I can't get back to you right now know that I will do like I'm not ignoring you

N: I Actually had a conversation with my friend about this at like 3 AM he was like I've turned my read receipts on like my real friends will know I've read your thing and I will get back to you and then the other ones if they complain about it like why haven't you replied to me just leave them.

Z: literally I feel like people got so consumed by it atone point even I was like oh my god they read my message blah blah. So like when you find people you're excited to talk to it's so nice to be like let's just..... yeah so for me I love doing that but it has to be specific people who aren't here to mess around my time and just take things from me and like we respect each other it's a good working friendship

F: so what's your biggest difficulty that you overcome during your life? And your biggest story that you want to share.

Z: it's really strange when I talk about things because I have such a nice upbringing and my parents always in my life for like support and stuff like that.... One of the main difficult things that really hurt me and haunt me and I actually blocked it out for like a good chunk of my life..... A Family friend sexually abused me when I was between the ages of eight and 10 and it was horrible it was horrible that I didn't understand what was going on then so like I didn't make much of it I didn't realise how much of an effect it had on me growing up like I would cover myself up Head to toe like I'd wear baggy clothes I didn't want anyone to see the shape of my body I didn't hug people I was very like- people would be like oh you're very awkward because I wasn't into hugging I wouldn't be that warm I'd have to observe you first I didn't realise it at first both because I didn't want to let anyone into hurt me. And that was another thing that like in first year it was as if my brain and my body had shut it out and then I got to uni and like bam I started getting all these flashbacks I started to be like how fucking dare this person do something to me like that. It just fucked with me yeah really factor to me because even after that older men have always been interested in me even when I was like a 13 -year-old child teachers in school would always act differently with me it was just a bit like I don't like thinking about it I went to a phase where I was like is that all men want from me just sex

N: well, men are trash, it's not you Z: but then that's the thing though I thought it was my fault I thought I was to blame for it

N: but that's when is with anxiety everything just turns back on you you are literally like I'm the one to blame for everything for all of this misfortune, it's really difficult I feel like as well because you can be the most logical person in the world and you can see it as how it it really is but there is that Demon inside of you that's like

Z: it keeps telling you yeah

N: it's horrific

Z: with me it's just being like zoe you were eight like there is nothing you were doing... I still struggle with it especially when it comes the meeting potential boyfriends and stufflike that because I'm just like awkward like in the back of my head I’m like they just want sex, that's all they want. Then I can be a bitch to people because I put up a guard and I'm really rude and really defensive it's just because I'm scared

N: which is totally valid, completely valid. And I think people who are worth it will realise it, like they will work Z: to get through it yeah

N: and anyone that doesn’t, just put them in the bin

Z: yeah it took me awhile to realise that because yes so in first year, god everything happened in first year with first year I came to London and I I had my little ho phase, I think it's because in Huntingdon no one was really looking at me it was only really old men that would do that and I came to London like people my age were showing an interest in me and this was new so I ended up getting into relationships and seeing people that were trash and I didn't realise it until I was halfway through so I was like oh god I've made the biggest mistake and it took me till second year to be like stop like what are you doing you've got to focus on yourself first and be careful with people because although they act nice at first it could all change and yeah so I try not to dwell on it too much I used to wake up every morning and just be a bit blergh it's hard to just get over somethings, it has gotten better but every now and then there can be something that just triggers it and when it gets like that I just need to be like I'm here for a reason someone is trying to test me today

N: but it's important not to like, like it's not about just getting over something it doesn't just click and like everything is okay it such a slow thing but then slow things SO much better because it's solid

Z: I forget that every day I forget it and I'm like I wish I could just be okay that you got to realise a takes a while, but I'm an impatient person nine

N: you'll get there like you seem to be very reflective person I feel like that's the best thing that you can be

Z: the best thing has been going to therapy N: it's so good Z: so so good F: is it where can i go?

N: go at UAL its free!

Z: yeah I went to a lady at UAL but it wasn't like therapy she was a mentor but i could talk to her about anything, she'd be like that's probably the reason you can't do this and she'd help me just like Connect it

N: theyre like detectives innit

Z: because before that when you try and do it you make crazy assumptions, but when somebody else tells you it's a lot better and you're like okay this makes sense I'm allowed to be sad I'm allowed to hurt I'm allowed to feel all these things by car just let it consume me and I have to think about what I want from from moving on

N: my therapist was like, she let me talk about all of my bullshit and like I refuse to like believe that anything bad that happens to me is like worth me feeling shit nothing is really attacking me or whatever and then at the end of my rampage she was just like nabila; call it what it is, its trauma. I was like oh my god that's a strong word

Z: yeah cos again when you're that smiley friendly person you don't really want to think about all that stuff and you don't always want to bring it up to someone and be like- because I don't know about you but when we grew up I feel like we grew up quite tough and we just get on with our shit.

N: yeah emotions aren't a thing

Z: i'll compare it to my boyfriend is American and he talks about his feelings all the time and I'm just like we are different and we were bought up so differently. Like I was brought up to just be like you're okay crack on get on with it it's not the best way and then sometimes I talk about my emotions too much and I feel like I'm being a drama queen or something and then I'm like stop hating yourself

N: I didn't realise it but when I was growing up I internalised this thing where I thought sensitivity was a weakness but the thing is I didn't see it in other people as a weakness I was always quite encouraging of it but when it came to myself I was like why are you being such a pussy why are you being like this and then someone said to me when I was having my tough time she just said to me nabila you're just sensitive you just feel things, I was like oh is that what that is? I didn't think I was sensitive

Z: it's horrible because you think you're weak and stuff but you just feel things a lot more

N: now I feel like my brain has reframed it and sensitivity’s such a strength to have. Because you can bond with people so easily if you want to not a lot of people have that which is kind of sick. that’s another thing that my therapist said to me, she was like not a lot of people have empathy you're quite lucky to have it and I was like “but I'm hurting”. She was like “no no is going to be alright is going to come to your advantage don't worry”

Z: literally now it's not even weakness I've mess only nice people that I can have conversations with and connect with them yeah I don't know I can’t see how it could be weakness

N: that's the thing though with sensitivity I feel like you can meet people and have these surface level chat where you chat about just normal shit but there is people that you meet can you talk about things in such a deep level and that's that crazy connection

Z: yeah and that's the difference like earlier on I was saying how I can't chat to some people I feel like with our generation at the moment as well as the industry we work in we're always looking for the next new cool thing who's got this who's got that sometimes

I feel like when you talk to people they are just judging you like oh have you got it... this is the word that just like my tutors would be like it's not quite it it hasn't got it it was always going round my head that I wasn't it

N: what is this it what is this perfection that everyone’s striving for

Z; yeah I'd always be like that but then I'd be like it doesn't matter if I can't have a conversation with those people that I don't even want to be around

N: yeah was having a conversation about this with my brother and he was talking about having ideals and stuff he was like I don't mean perfection but I said that literally the definition of ideal people shouldn't have these preconceived notions of what an ideal is then because then you always striving to something that you're probably not going to find I think you should just look at person or get to know a person and register what there and find the goodness in that and that's how you bond

Z: yeah exactly that's how you bond, yeah I literally agree so much I feel like so many people feel like they're going to change someone yeah let's adapt let me just completely change you and I'm like.... Yeah I don't want to

N: what's the point? how long are you going to be my life?

Z: exactly especially in London people aren’t in your life that long it's not long periods of time

N: and relationships don't have to be like that it's okay but you're always going to be your own life so you have to the most stable thing

Z: and that was lesson I taught myself like focus on your stability and are you going as a person rather than what anybody all anyone else thinks

N; what is the best thing that you can do really for your relationships with anybody else if you're solid then that's that then you can figure out how much energy you are going to give them you know?

F: so where do you find your energy and your strengths so where can you find your energy to support you?

Z: erm that's hard for me I think it's just productivity if I make sure I keep myself busy keep myself working and motivated that's what seems to work best for me even if I not working towards something and I'm not feeling very confident if I just do something for it I often then it just helps me get to get back into a mindset of being like yeah you can do something although not everything is going to be amazing you can just keep doing it and then my mum my mum is another one that just keeps me going just because her life is crazy and the fact that she's just so happy everyday like every day

F: me too Z: I'm just like your amazing N: where did she get her happiness from do you know?

F: she’s just simple, I have the same thing N: is it just the little things? Z: yeah

N: I've been trying to do that you know I was talking to my friend the other day we were talking about going through shit and how Life just seems to drag you down well she was talking about that and I was like look this is why go on about dumb shit like when the sunlight hits a building I'm like listen everyone stop everyone needs to absorb this

Z: yeah but I don't know how he does it everyday

N: I mean it's probably you if you don't know what is it probably is you

Z: ah but I feel like I’ve caused her so much stress

N: I don't think parents ever see like that though, I think something just happens when you give birth to another human being

Z: yeh! I have thought about this though right I just feel Like going through the whole thing of giving birth to something and then holding it in your hands I feel like you'll never stop loving like you can't ever

N: yeah I don't see how you can is literally a part of you and you're out here like breathing she is like yES I DID THAT

Z: yeah she keeps me going it's crazy N: mums are fabulous

F: yeah that's why I was doing this project in the beginning because of my mother like when I'm feeling upset or depressed I feel like my mum is always happy about things and she's just so positive all the time like everything is simple in her world but in mine everything is so difficult

Z: yeah definitely

N: we gets quite locked into our own worlds though and don’t realise that theres this whole.... Like ultimately nothing really matters apart from our happiness Z: yeah its just getting there, cuz we all know this it just

N: you get lost in it innit, its like you’re spinning around, you cant focus on the one thing, thats what happens all the time with everything whether you're doing a project or whatever you just completely lose your bearings but once you lock onto something everything is okay

Z: and that feeling it's such a good feeling when you're like actually I can do this I'm going to places yeah realising that you can do it

N: and that's my mums are there for they're just like yes you can do it I watched you learn to walk

Z: they just know they know N: I'm going to have to call my mom after this and tell her I love her Z: she hears all the time from me though im like I'm so sorry I love you so much F: what do you think of relationships and love

Z: very complicated, I found it so hard to be able to be comfortable with someone and just be my weird self again I just think I was looking to fill a whole with anyone and anything and I really been treated badly by some not very nice people and when I look back and it just makes me angry but then I'm like it's a learning experience you were young everyone has to go through this but now looking to the future I just want to find someone who were on the same page we Wanna work together in a functioning relationship functioning is the words we look after each other we care for each other we listen to each other like we've got each others backs I don't want you to tell me you love me every day and get me gifts I just want you to I don't know I just want to know they've got my back in situations for me that's just the biggest thing being able to trust somebody and I feel like sometimes I feel like our idea of love is so twisted like the way some of my friends talk to me about what they want I'm just like that so far away from why do you want that yeah I I've lost my train of thought.... It does make me sad though you know when you're 15 and everyone's telling you don't worry about it now and you still go through it all I wish I could go back and talk to myself and say you're fine mate just keep going just carry on you don't need anybody

N: it is difficult because I feel like everything when you're growing up all the movies all the books you read the music you listen to everything that everyone talks about it's like you have another half of yourself to find

F: its so true

Z: so true, I thought that for the longest time, I was like well for me to be complete I have to find somebody else it's not enough to be by yourself

N: it's super hard to get out of that way of thinking

Z: especially when your eyes have been opened a little bit but then you talk to your friend and they are the exact opposite they're like oh I need a man blah blah blah

N: that's the small town mentality jumping out

Z: I don't know about you but back home because it's like so small everyone just goes out with the same people so it's kind of incestuous and that was another reason why I was like I can't go back because I'll end up going with somebody's cousin all brother and I can’t

N: it's difficult to find someone with the same like that deeper level of connection rather than surface both difficult because everyone approaches any kind of relationship with the surface stuff you can't just go straight into depth it'll be a bit weird

Z: haha yeah so what do you think about life?

N: yeah we should just run these interviews we’ll start dating thing for next project... It really should be really easy to talk about that stuff straightaway it's hard because sometimes you're like in the past like back in the day things were different- but it wasn't really was it? I suppose it's never really be easy

Z: and even now I feel like the way we are shown couples you're supposed to look good together, do amazing things together and it's just like yeah you two can both look Peng and you can be like in Australia riding jetskis whatever but you might hate each other that's the worst thing and some people are like all this is the best thing I'm going to get so I'm just going to settle and that's the worst