#HERE YOU GO MY MECS

[shojizbae]

Yeehaw!

Spencer Reid x reader

Warnings: This is spicy! Use of alcohol, behind drunk/drunk sex, Oral fem! receiving, cowgirl position

Everyone could tell with just one look at you that you were Southern. That being said, anytime there was a case in the South, everyone knew to take a step back and let you lead. This time, there was a string of murders in Aiken, South Carolina, and the team knew that you were all over it.

"Weren't you from a Carolina?" Derek chuckles as we board the jet.

"Yeah, I spent most of my time on Camp Lejeune with my daddy, then I went south for college in Charleston."

"So that means Hotch has been demoted for this." Emily snickers

"No, I just know the South, and I'll get a little gun-happy when I'm back home. It wouldn't be no different had we gone to Chicago, Derek."

"Wow, mama's go home heat today." We settle on the jet, and Hotch and Rossi debrief us. I take a nap as we head south, and unfortunately, the power of the state takes me over. I march up to the sheriff and flash my credentials.

"So, how's it happen?" The sheriff speaks in an accent so thick it makes grits look like juice. I glance at the team, and they seem to sigh in relief when they realize I can understand him. Tirelessly, we worked the case for 73 hours. We met at a fresh crime scene every morning. The unsub seemed to be in a frenzy. He was dangerous and mixed with a high concentration of amphetamine addiction in this area. It was likely he had no clue he was killing.

But, due to the trace amounts of meth, we knew that he was unstable and would trip up eventually. We got some sleep after the fourth body, and there was a trip up in the morning. A fifth, but he had left some of his powdered sugar at the crime scene.

I put a glove on and lifted the little baggie, showing it off to Reid.

"Hey, Spencer, check this out."

"Hey, I've been clean for years," He mopes

"Aw, I'm sorry, sugar," A detective approaches me with an evidence bag. "Here, swab it and run this through CODIS." Spencer and I kept sweeping the crime scene for any molecule of evidence. Nothing all that exciting. The killer left the knife in her this time. Indicative of the fact that they were out of control. I squat next to the body and ghost my fingers over the entrance wound.

"Hey Spencer," He perks up like a gopher, "If you were going to kill someone and you were going to stab them to death, how'd you do it?"

"Are you sure that's an appropriate question?"

"I'm just curious."

"I'd probably use something with a curved blade. It would do the most damage and be the hardest to remove." His eyes go kind of dead, as he explains. An awkward air hangs between the two of us as we survey the wound.

"Damn, Spence, that's messed up."

"You asked." He sasses

Not later that evening, a woman called to suspect a strange man was in her house. We move in immediately and find a man pacing in circles in the bathroom. He's violent and angry, and his nose is bleeding. He tried to swing a knife at Morgan, but I grabbed him by the wrist and slammed his head into the wall. I use my hips to push him forward and cuff him while Emily helps the woman safely out of her house.

I march him to the car while he screams that I'm a bastard whore. Finally, I shoved him into the police car and muttered a good riddance. I even patted my hands like a baker getting flour off.

"I need a drink." I put my hands on my hips

"I could use something to cool off, too. This southern heat can be beat." Derek wipes his brow

"Hotch you think we have the leeway to spend the night here?" Emily asks

"That's all up to JJ, anything pressing enough that we need to get back to Quantico?"

"Well, nothing too scary that we couldn't cut loose after working for six days straight." She smiles at the team

Hours later, we showered, ate a full meal at a steakhouse, and put on the nicest clothes in our go-bags. The team was shocked to discover I had a cowboy hat in my bag. We moseyed our way to the bar, a small dive bar with a pool table. A mechanical bull is in the center of the room, and my eyes light up at the memories. Rossie buys us a pitcher of beer, and we all unwind from the stressful week.

As we knock 'em back slowly and let college stories fly, the team starts to forget what we had seen. Rossi tells us some funny stories about going to college during the summer of love, and Reid accidentally brags about going to Cal Tech.

"Well, what about you? Didn't you go to school nearby?" Emily says as she refills her glass.

"Uh yeah, in Charleston, South Carolina." I clarify

"So you must have spent most of your nights like this." Derek motions around the bar, playing honky-tonk music. Pool balls clack around us, and there's a thin layer of dirt around the edge of the bar.

"Well, most nights I spent in my dorm or the library. Every other Saturday, my roommate and neighbors would go to a dive named Fat Daddy's. We would make bets with the alcoholic dads about being able to ride the bull, and if we stayed on longer than they said so, they'd buy us all a drink. I didn't pay for my own liquor for three semesters." The team stood in shock. Hotch's jaw was agape and Rossi just nodded his chin in acknowledgement.

"Well, now, baby girl, I have to see you in action." Derek almost commands

"No, I ain't dressed right. And ain't nobody betted me."

"I bet you won't last seven seconds on the mechanical bull," Spencer interjects "If you do, I'll buy you that coconut margarita that you've been eyeing."

"Alrght, there's my bet." I march up to the bartender "I'm'onna ride that bull." I point at it and he looks me hat to boot.

"Alright," The bartender seems disinterested. He hits a button, and lights around the bull flash like a carnival. I draw the attention of the whole bar as a pre-recorded announcer calls me a brave challenger.

Big men with fat beer bellies gather around, and I readjust my top. If I play my cards right, I might get more than a coconut margarita out of this. I'm not wearing anything too special—just one of my combat scoop-neck tees and low-rise daisy dukes. The bartender offers his hand, and I use it to mount the big plastic bull.

"You ready, little girl?" He asks

"Yes sir." I grip onto the handle at the 'bull's nape and a bell rings. Slowly the bull starts lurching forward and back while exciting music bounces around the bar.

one Mississippi

The bull speeds up

'ride it, cowgirl!" Derek yells from the edge of the bull enclosure

two Mississippi

It starts going sideways

three Mississippi

I fake with my appearance that I'm struggling and readjust my grip

four Mississippi

I use my hips to grind with the rhythm of the bull as men whoop and cheer

five Mississippi, six Mississippi

My heart starts to thump against my ribs

Seven Mississippi, I win.

The team cheers for me. I keep going, getting bold enough to grind more dramatically. I hear more whoops and hollers as I lift my arms and squee. Someone yells, and another man whistles. I hold onto my hat as the bull speeds up, and I feel my shirt lift.

'Yeehaw!' I hear, and the bar just erupts. I feel so full of life, and I jump up on the bull, riding it like a surfboard. I drop down and sit backward on the bull. I twist around and ride the bull until the bartender slows it down.

"You done broke our record. 39 seconds on the highest speed." The bar screams in glee, and the team closes in on me, handing out high fives. Reid hangs behind the group, and I see him ask Derek a question

"Did you know that (Y/n) has a stomach tattoo?"

"Wow (Y/n), that was incredible." Emily looks starstruck

"I told you I didn't pay for a drink for 18 months." I give JJ a hug, and Reid emerges from the crowd

"I guess I owe you a drink." He smiles, and I fidget with the hem of my shirt

"One coconut margarita, please, sir." He leads me to the bar, where the bartender makes one for me. I hold the glass up to his face, and Reid takes the first sip.

"No, that's fine," He pushes the glass from his cheek

"C'mon, you paid for it."

"Listen, you know that coercion isn't a great thing to do. Most serial killers are more coercive than a skeezy lawyer."

"Aw, you're using my metaphors." I coo and step closer to his chest

"When did you become so flirty?" he braces me on the hip

"All that shaking around must have got the beer movin' in me." I giggle and sip on my glass. "I saw you askin' Derek 'bout my tattoo. y' wanna see it?" I start to roll up my shirt

"No, no, that's fine," He holds my wrist to stop me. "Why don't we get you some water."

"No, this is yummy." I smile and down the cup. He grimaces at the action and tries to walk me over to our table

"Hey, Spencer, you wanna know why I'm so good at riding that thing?" I halt to play with the button of his shirt, and he stops, too.

"Uh sure," He swallows

"Ever the curious doctor," I slur. I'm good with the bull because I love riding," I whisper drunkenly in his ear. He swallows hard and tries to shimmy us back to our table. His hands shake as he grips my tricep.

"Why're you so nervous?" I ask the side of his jaw. My voice swings up an octave, but I snort as I survey the team.

"The liquor got to her quick. I'm gonna get her back to the hotel."

"Oooh, why don't you take me someplace fancy," I tease

"Well, make sure you use protection." Derek snorts as he lifts a brown bottle to his lips

"Aw, you ain't gotta worry. I've got an IUD." Spencer soothes my sentence with a pat on my shoulder, and I slide a hand down his back

"That won't be a problem. I'm just going to ensure she has water, Advil, and comfortable clothes." He jumps away as I make an attempt to grab his butt.

"You sure you don't want either of us to take her?" JJ offers and points between Emily and herself. I rest my head on his chest. I can feel his heart pounding against my temple.

"You gonna take good care of me, Doctor?" I smile up at his concerned face

"I'm not that kind of doctor." He scolds. He helps seatbelt me into one of two FBI SUVs. Slowly and carefully, he drives me to the highway motel we were placed in, and he marches me into my room.

"Alright, are you sober enough to shower?" He sits me on the bed, and the mattress shrieks beneath me

"Yeah, so long as you help me get my shirt off."

"No, I won't be doing that," He finds a glass and fills it with water. He digs in my go-bag and finds the bottle of Advil. He drops two in his hand and gives them to me as well as the cup. "Drink this," he tucks some hair behind his ears.

"My feet hurt," I whine and put the pills in my mouth.

"Well, you're wearing those ridiculous boots," He stressfully tucks some hair behind his ears

"They ain't ridiculous." Stick out a foot and twist it to see the whole design, "Maybe a little flashy." I tuck my foot in and look up at him. "Will you calm down if you held me out of these sugar?"

"Yeah, sure." He kneels down and tugs each of my boots off, and lines them up with the rest of my shoes.

"Aww, you're so caring. C'mere sugar." Reluctantly, he finds me on the mattress, and I pat it next to me. He's hesitant, but he sits, and I lean against him. "Hey, Spencer?"

"Yes, (Y/n)?"

"You wanna ask about my tattoo?"

"No,"

"Really, because you keep glancing down at my stomach. I may be a drunk one, but I am a profiler. What about it? Gets you going so much?"

"What?" He scoffs in shock "It doesn't 'get me going'." I hold onto his arm

"Really? Because I'm pushin' my tits against you, and you're still lookin' at my stomach."

"I uh I'm not." He's distracted enough that I can swing my legs across his lap "(Y/n), this is really inappropriate conduct for coworkers."

"I ain't on the clock," I slowly drag my shirt up to reveal the design. Two big blossoms of overlapping lavender and olive flowers. Any protests he tries to make are halted as he studies the image.

"These ones, "I guide his apprehensive hand as hi pointer finger traces my stomach "Are olive blossoms, they stand for peace. and these are lavenders."

"They mean feminity and grace." He clears his throat

"I've got more," I whisper playfully

"C-can I see them?" He swallows. I cross my arms at the hem of my shirt and pull it off, lifting the hem of my bralette.

"There's some text under my boobs."

"te amo para siempre." He reads without an accent, so it sounds stilted. "Did you get that for a boyfriend?"

"No, it's something my grandpa used to tell me." he runs his thumb over the cursive, "And on my collarbones." I guide his wrist to my right clavicle.

"'An eye for an eye,' I guided him across my chest, and he traced like he was reading braille.' leaves the whole world blind.' He connected his eyes with mine. His pupils were real big.

"Aw gee, I just realized I'm a little underdressed."

"Of course," he shifts around to encourage me to get off

"Uh uh, it could be you're just overdressed," I hold onto the knot in his tie

"No (Y/n),"

"You know, darling, your mouth is saying no, but your body is saying yes." I slide my hips forward and feel him suppress a shudder. I direct his head to look at me with blown-wide puppy dog eyes. "Maybe we should tell your mouth to let your body take over." I sink my lips against him, and he melts into me. Our lips smack as he pulls away

"(y/n), no, this isn't professional," he tries to disable my arms as I slide his tie knot apart

"Well, that's good. If I were professional, you get a hotel in a local jail for soliciting a prostitute." I get the knot loose and free his neck, making headway on the buttons. He shiftsbutI kiss his complaints away. Soon, sounds of complaint turn to moans as he succumbs to his body.

"Hey, Spencer," I pull away briefly and chew on my lip at the view. His hair is fluffed, and the top half of his shirt is flipped open. "I've got one more tattoo, and I think you'd really like it."

"I would?" he pushes his hair back "Why." I give him a peck as I reach for the button on my shorts. He grabs my hand and undoes the button himself. I guide his hand to the zipper, and he tugs it down. Instead of shimmying out of the shorts, I hook his finger in the elastic of my underwear. He pulls it down just enough to read the black text that slowly faded to show green.

"C6H12O6?"

"Yeah, you remember what that means?"

"It's the chemical formula for sugar." He snaps the underwear back into place, and I jump at the sensation, "Why?"

"Because I'm so sweet." I dive back in and kiss him. Heated aggressively like he's got the last cup of water on his tongue. He reaches into my hair to steady me, and with his second hand, he grabs my hip. I continue to unbutton his shirt until he shores it off into the distance.

"Well, look how handsome you are," I watch him blush, but I run my hands up his chest and over his collarbones. He blushes but guides my hand to his belt buckle. I love the sound a belt buckle makes. Before I can get his pants off him, Spencer surprises me. He picks us up and twists us, so my back slaps against the squeaky mattress.

He slithers down my body, kissing down the various tattoos. Gently, he slides his fingers into the waistband of my jeans. He slides them down and separates each of my knees. Almost entranced he licks up the gray cotton panties I wore.

"Spencer!' I moan in shock

"Please, this is my favorite part." He pulls the underwear off and tosses it to the side. I don't protest any further. It's rare to find a guy willing to go down on me, much less one that initiates. He wraps his arms around my thighs and places my knees at his shoulders. He wastes no time diving in.

With every man I've slept with, I've never felt someone go down on me with such fervor and skill. I'm taken down. He clings onto my clit with desperation. He drops my right leg so that he can trace gentle circles around my pussy.

"Spenc- Uh"

"Sh-sh -shh, just relax." He soothes me and rubs my inner thigh. I try to look down at him, but as he continues his ministrations, I lose my strength and flop my head back. Slowly, he sinks his pointer finger in, and I take a sharp inhale.

"Spe-EUUh!" His skill is shocking as he slowly moves his finger in and out. Once I was acclimated, he pulled out and put both his pointer and middle in. I do my best to suppress it for the comfort of the surrounding guests.

"Don't hide from me." He comes up and looks my face over

"There's other people around, Spencer."

"Then let them hear." He places a kiss on my forehead and sinks down to continue devouring me. I don't hold back as much as I'm embarrassed. He starts a 'come hither' motion and I roll my hips up into his face. He braces a hand on my hip.

"Sit still." He commands

Steadily, I felt a climax rising in me. I felt the muscles in my stomach clenching and tensing. I feel like yellow waves of pleasure ripple through my body.

"SPE—Spencerr, I'm gonna!" I desperately reached around and threaded my fingers into his hair. With my other hand, I felt around for the disheveled comforter. I balled my hands into a fist around what I held: his hair and the blanket. I climaxed faster than I had expected. Accidentally, I locked Spencer in with my legs. Desperate to keep the pleasure close to me.

It took me a moment to catch my breath. When I came to, I released my legs, and he resurfaced, wiping his mouth as he checked on me.

"How are you doing? Was that any good?"

"Good?" I gaped, and I saw him crumble a little in insecurity. Spencer, that was the best head I've ever had." He chuckled boyishly as I held his pants so he lay on top of me.

"Spencer?" I ask slowly

"Yeah," He kisses me on the side of the mouth

"I'm gonna fuck you now,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I sit him up and unzip his pants and pull them down. His legs are ridiculously long, and it feels like an eternity to get him naked. I geek at his boxers. His cock is jumping against the fabric, and there is a small precum stain. I rub over the fabric, and he keens into my touch.

"Aww, so you're all talk," I tease

"S-shut up, you were just writhing under me." He leans back on his arms. The veins in his forearms are bulging, and I can see his stomach shift as he shifts under my pawing.

"Yeah, and now you will be."

I slide my fingers under the elastic, and he lifts his hips to help me free him. Gently, I stroke him, and he gulps back and moans. I mount him, letting Spencer guide himself into me. I sigh as I feel him slide in, and his hands gravitate to my hips.

"Woah," he grunts. It's probably the strangest reaction I've gotten, but I appreciate being such a stunner.

"How are you doing, Reid?"

"I-I'm sublime. How are you?" I shift my hips in contemplation, feeling my eyes pool in the back of my head.

"Oh, I'm doing-g just-" My sentence cuts itself off as the head of his dick kisses a sweet spot inside me. "Can you just give me a little boost?" He holds each of my hips and drags me across my lap.

"Oh fuck," I sigh, and I pick my hips up. We fall into a sensual rhythm as the world disappears around us. "Spencer, that feels so..." My forehead collapses against his collarbone. There's something about his dick that itches a scratch I didn't know I was feeling. Similarly, he mews below me.

"(Y/n)," he groans out below me "Don't stop." and I don't. Instead, I pick up the pace. I brace myself on his shoulders and slam my hips back and forth until my thighs burn. And when the sensation becomes overwhelming I keep fighting.

"Oh my- uh," He groans beneath me "(Y/n), (Y/n), I'm gonna cum." He sounds desperate. "(Y/n) you have to get off." He whimpers

"No, I'm gonna cum too. I won't-" I keep my hips galloping against his thighs, "PLEase- fuck, I'm gonna." I feel his cock twitch inside me, and warmth spreads through my thighs.

"Uh, nice and deep." I halt myself for a second," Spencer I gotta keep going."

"M'kay." I ride with such speed that I'm scared the legs on the bed will snap. Finally, I feel the point of no return—like watching a slow vase fall over, knowing you're too far away to stop it. I came. My knees buckled, and I fell chest-first onto Reid.

"Are you okay?" He holds my back steady and gently rubs my spine, and I catch my breath.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I sit myself up, and Spencer tucks some frizzy hair behind my ear. "Probably some of the sex I've had in... ever." His face lights up. I use his shoulder to stand up, and I feel it slide down my thigh.

"I'm gonna need a shower, but there's always room for two." I smile and trot off to the ensuite. It's not long before Spencer is chasing me behind the vinyl curtain to wet his hair and press a kiss to the back of my shoulder.

[dossiersfrancais]

📺 words & expressions i have learned from french shows, movies, & tiktoks

c’est pas grave - it’s okay / it’s no big deal

(ne) t’inquiète (pas) - don’t worry

qu’est-ce que tu fais là ? - what are you doing here?

tu me manques - i miss you

on y va - let’s go

bien sûr - of course

j’suis là - i’m here

je vous en prie - you’re welcome (formal)

mytho - liar

ouais - yeah

un truc - something

voilà - there it is, that’s right, exactly, there you go

oh là là - wow, oh my god

bof - so-so, whatever

hein - the french “huh” or “eh”

ben / bah - well… / uhh…

s’il te plaît ➭ s’te plaît - please

félicitations - congratulations

un mec - a guy (slang)

une meuf - a girl (slang)

[kokorose]

Sweet Home-CL16

Charles Leclerc x KoreanActress!reader

Faceclaim: Go Minsi

Part of my Korean Entertainment x driver series! Oscar is next btw!!

Google translate: French and Korean

Pics: Pinterest

YnLnnnn posted

Liked by sooyaaa_, jennierubyjane, kikacgomes, scuderiaferrari, charlesleclerc16 and 637,728 others

YnLnnnn: Monaco 🇲🇨

Thank you scuderiaferrari for inviting me!

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sooyaaa_: 예쁜 (pretty)

User: you’re so pretty!!!

User: Charles in the likes?!?!

User: Yn was at Monaco?!?

kikacgomes: It was nice meeting you 🩷

YnLnnn: it was nice meeting you too 💕

User: She met Kika?!

User: what’re Kika and Charles doing here??

charlesleclerc16 posted to their story

Seen by PierreGasly, LandoNorris, YnLnnn, ArthurLeclerc, and 323,739 others

charlesleclerc16: homemade post-race meal.

Replies:

YnLnnn: ❤️

PierreGasly: 😯

User: !!!

User: Charles?!

User: How’d that man get homemade Korean food in Monaco?!?

YnLnnn posted

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YnLnnn: 🇬🇧🇬🇧💋💋

See all 267,728 Comments:

User: YNNNN?!?

User: WHO’S HAND IS THAT?!

kikacgomes: 🫦can I take you out baby girl🫦

YnLnnn: 😩😩 time and place baby!

PierreGasly: ummm excuse me?? That’s my girlfriend?

YnLnnn: not anymore

PierreGasly: so you’re just gonna steal my girlfriend? How would HE feel about that??

YnLnnn: He’s telling me to keep it up 😜

User: what is going on?? Who’s “he”???

User: PIERRE?!

User: Charles in the likes??

charlesleclerc16 posted

Liked by YnLnnn, PierreGasly, ArthurLeclerc, CarlosSainzJr55, LandoNorris, and 1,738,728 others

charlesleclerc16: Headed to Spa with a little snack!

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LandoNorris: Which one’s the snack??

charlesleclerc16: 🖕🏻🖕🏻

PierreGasly:🤬🤮

User: CHARLES WHOS’S THAT??

User: Charles soft launching??

CarlosSainzJr55: it’ll be nice to gossip with her again!

YnLnnn posted to her story

Seen by charlesleclerc16, kikacgomez, lilymhe, sooyaaa, and 226,478 others

YnLnnn: 🛩️

Replies:

charlesleclerc16: happy you’re coming with me Mon cherié.

YnLnnn: I’ll always want to be with you 자기야 (baby)

kikacgomes: we should have a double date when you guys get here!

YnLnnn: omg yes!!!

kikacgomes: ok I’ll let P know! 💋💋

PierreGasly posted

Liked by charlesleclerc16, YnLnnn, kikacgomes, AlexAlbon, GeorgeRussell, and 892,829 others

PierreGasly: Date night

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kikacgomes: Pierre…

PierreGasly: oops

YnLnnn: secrets out I guess. 🤦🏻‍♀️

charlesleclerc16: Mec…(dude)

User: WTF?!?

User: WHAT DO YIU MEAN DATE NIGTF PIERREE?!?

User: Not Pierre hard launching Yn and Charles!

YnLnnn posted

Liked by charlesleclerc16, PierreGasly, LilymHe, kikacgomes, carmenmmundt, sooyaaa_ and 1,278,728 others

YnLnnn: At least now everyone will know you’re mine.

Tagged: charlesleclerc16

See all 346,467 comments

charlesleclerc16: 🥰🥰

PierreGasly: again I’m sorry!

YnLnnn: 🥱

User: Damn…

kikacgomes: uhhh… can you grab me like that??🥵

YnLnnn: just let me hop on a plane baby 😜

LilymHe: can I join as well?

Carmenmmundt: me too

AlexAlbon: GeorgeRussell she’s stealing our girlfriends as well???

GeorgeRussell: idek mate?

User: holy shit

charlesleclerc16 posted

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charlesleclerc16: Mon amour

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YnLnnn: 😘😘😘😘😘😘

ArthurLeclerc: Tell her welcome to the family!!

DanielRicciardo: you guys are too cute!

Leclerc.Pascale: Beau(beautiful)

User: so cute!!!

User: awww

YnLnnn posted

Liked by charlesleclerc16, kikacgomes, PierreGasly, LilymHe, carmenmmundt, and 968,588 others

YnLnnn: celebrated Charlie’s bday with some friends! Happy birthday love! I love you so much!

Tagged: charlesleclerc16, kikacgomes, PierreGasly

Comments are limited on this post:

charlesleclerc16: Thank you for an amazing night cherié. Je t’aime mon amour! ❤️

YnLnnn: 🥰❤️

kikacgomes: Happy Birthday Charles!

PierreGasly: Happy Birthday Mon ami

Hope you all enjoyed and I’ll see you in Oscar’s story next! Xx

[hikaruchen]

Reading this blog and procrastinating what I should’ve been doing at the moment, but it’s super helpful if you want to know more about the Anglo-Saxon and Viking material culture but don’t want to be bored to hell. All articles are done by an archaeologist specializing in mortuary archaeology, and he has already written several ones about burials and pagan practices during that time through the lens of The Last Kingdom. I’ve linked one of his posts before on ao3 when discussing about the historical accuracy of Alfred’s tomb effigy in the show under the pic Prayer from the Pagan, but didn’t really had the time to check others out. I just did it and find his other articles are actually super interesting to read as well.

For instance, back when I post this pic in January I said the colour palette was inspired by the Alfred jewel, but I completely forgot that it actually appeared in the show (2x04) where Alfred handed it to Æthelwold and said “Take this. It is a symbol of my kingship. Bear it with authority.”, which might be partially true but is hilarious if you give it another thought.

Because, why, in God’s name, would Alfred hand an ARTEFACT version of the piece he commissioned himself to his nephew? As Prof. Williams already stated (in this post), the Alfred jewel has long been assumed to be the handle part of a pointer stick for following words when reading a book, and if you look at the artefact itself it is quite clear that there’s a part that’s been missing as well. The reason why scholars think it has something to do with Alfred is because:

1) It’s written. The text on the frame literally says that “ÆLFRED MEC HEHT GEWYRCAN”, which means “Alfred ordered me made”. The more detailed explanation below (with the help of beloved wikitionary since I don’t understand Old English at all)

ÆLFRED (subject) Alfred, obviously MEC (object) me; accusative of iċ (I), but in the West Saxon dialect it’s actually an uncommon version of iċ’s accusative and is more often seen in the Anglian dialect. The frequently-used version for West Saxons is mē HEHT (verb) ordered; third-singular past tense for hātan (to call; to order etc.), often followed with infinitive verbs, cognate with heißen in German GEWYRCAN (verb) to make; I honestly don’t know if “to make” and “to be made” is just the same word in OE help And since the word order in OE is random as hell thanks to the case system (much like German which I eventually gave up learning because I don’t have a brain big enough for that. IT MAKES NO SENSE TO A NATIVE MANDARIN SPEAKER THANK YOU), it is eventually translated into “Alfred ordered me to be made”.

2) It was discovered in Somerset and has been dated to the late 9th century, and we all know what Somerset meant to Alfred

3) Alfred did say he would send a copy of his translation of Gregory the Great’s Pastoral Care to every episcopal see in his kingdom in the preface to it, with the book accompanied “an æstel of 50 mancuses”. Mancus was a term to denote a gold coin or a unit for coins worth about a month’s wage for a skilled worker, such as a craftsman or a soldier. Whatever that æstel is it must be worth hell LOTS of money

But honestly while I do think this interpretation sounds very much plausible I’m thinking about other possibilities as well - how many Alfreds exactly existed during his time? We know that Æthel in OE means noble, so people bearing this prefix in their names were usually royal members or at least aristocrats, but what about Alfred? Was Alfred a popular name? Or was it unique enough that he could just go by this name without mentioning his title at all? Imagine if it were an Æthelred who made this, who the hell would know which one of these it was referring to, Æthelred the King, Æthelred the Ealdorman, Æthelred Ealhswith’s father, or even Æthelred the fucking Archbishop??? And yeah, I know Alfred was the king ™ here and there isn’t really much space left on the frame after all, but surely it wouldn’t cost a bone to add a cyning behind his name, right?

Sadly, as it was in the pre-Domesday-Book era, I can’t find the statistics of Anglo-Saxon names at that time (but keep in mind that there were at least 19 Alfreds worthy enough to be mentioned in Domesday Book even after the conquest. I don’t know if this says anything at all but I do want to mention it) What I’m trying to say is while it is highly highly highly likely (and I do believe and want to believe in this theory!), we cannot be one hundred percent certain that this jewel was really from the Alfred we’re talking about. And even if it was, it apparently wouldn’t be carried around by Alfred like THAT. Because that would be like, “Bear this with authority! Even though the symbol of my kingship is broken!”, said Alfred to a king wannabe. Lol.

The other thing I want to mention is this post about the show’s use of Fuller brooch, the one Alfred wore in S2 when he was in his war gear.

First of all, it is indeed dated to late 9th century and is assumed by scholars to be made by metalworkers of Alfred’s court. Everything is fine except I don’t think you would want to wear jewelry that luxurious to war…but then there’s this thing:

MEET GIANT FULLERS!

Well, can’t blame them since I am basically doing the same thing with my drawings (i.e. using patterns on jewelry and illustrations from manuscripts for embroidery design). But it’s worth noting that designs that are suitable for one art form doesn’t mean they can be applied to another well, and that’s why I claim my art is inspired by Anglo-Saxon art but NOT historical accurate for the Anglo-Saxon period. The reason I still do this and think it is understandable for TLK crew to do so is because we simply don’t have that many resources to reference from when it comes to this time period, and fabrics and wooden buildings are just extremely hard to preserve by nature. Instead of screwing up the design on your own, it just has more fun to add real historical elements into your work. Look at those easter eggs!

Ok, that’s it. I hope you enjoy my long rant and have a good read from Prof. Williams’s works!

[wumblr]

Hi, I'm new here. Sorry if you've already answered this question; I'm new here. I saw your post about the Biden-Harris nuclear plan. I've long-since been loosely optimistic about nuclear as a petrol alternative, but knew that more reactors in the imperial world intrinsically means more bombs as well. Reading through articles here is starting to confirm some suspicions. Have you talked already about serviceable energy alternatives, or is the solution basically to just dismantle capitalism, or?

the IEEFA PDF on the most recent (third) reblog is pretty clear that renewables (wind, solar, and batteries) are the viable/cost effective mid-term strategy. these are not without their own problems (land use, resource consumption, and again batteries) but they are a better option than nuclear. it also points out that full-scale nuclear is more cost efficient than SMRs which i can't dispute, and i wouldn't theoretically have a problem with it if it weren't for the capitalism. you don't gain anything by scaling them down, and IEEFA makes the excellent point that privatized off-grid SMRs do not maintain a consistent baseload supply in the way that full-size on-grid reactors do

waste handling is a sticky problem but it's exacerbated by profiteering and corruption (unfortunately not magically solved by a revolution, either). more reactors only inevitably means more bombs in a war empire, but eliminating capitalism doesn't magically resolve all geopolitical strictures nor does it necessarily equate to eliminating war. i think it would be foolish to build them now and kick the can down the road about seizing power from capital ("you're handing the climate change machine a new 50 year megawatt generator," i keep saying). my main axe to grind is that nobody is taking any of it seriously. that's rude to somebody's kids and i'm still mad it's been done to us. if you want new reactors, know the deal with the devil you're signing, so that you will know when they slack off on their end of the bargain and start doing ohio nuclear bribery incidents and progressively abdicating decommissioning responsibilities for san onofre by reselling it over and over. saying this has made a shocking number of people very angry at me, i assume because their worldview rests on the existence of a magical solution. well, there isn't one. sorry

i'm a degrowth communist. i don't want new reactors. so, i think we should start asking where we can reclaim parts of the energy budget from industry instead of building out more capacity, but, lol. not so long as the democratic party exists, i'm afraid. they sure have been "ironclad" about that! there may be capability to persuade the political establishment toward degrowth but i'm not optimistic, since they love parading around a 0.01% solution for a 100% problem (like carbon capture). because it allows the illusion to continue

(you would think the most energy intensive sector of industry would be computing, for the amount of time we spend talking about energy consumption for crypto, ai, and datacenters, right? well, it's chemicals. i just found that out while fact checking the post. paper also still consumes more than computing, apparently. (third of the top three is "oil/coal products" which is a bit nebulous and i would have to dig into the report the EIA is referencing, MECS 2018, to figure out what's going on there. surely some of that is going back into energy production, right? so, energy production is one of the largest energy consumers? i guess that tracks, but i haven't dug. i assume it also refers to other products.) i think this was in the post but i also love to say "It's Lawrence Livermore National Library Energy Flow Sankey Diagram Sunday!" and point out that 67% of energy in the US is lost to waste heat, labeled rejected energy in the diagram. obviously that runs up against laws of thermodynamics but surely we could be doing better than that)

that was all about energy. you asked about bombs. unfortunately i have to tell you we are likely not going to live to see disarmament. maybe if we stop building reactors, disarmament will become inevitable, at best, in a hundred years. maybe if we seize power from capital it could be administrated more quickly. but, for the foreseeable future, mutually assured destruction is the only thing preventing them from being detonated. thank god for the rosenbergs

[gavroche-le-moineau]

La mort de Gavroche / Gavroche’s death

Oh it's here, the chapter that breaks my heart to pieces every time. If you haven't heard it before I highly encourage listening to the Original French Concept Album version of Gavroche's death. In my opinion, it is by far the saddest and most impactful version. Below you'll find my translation of the lyrics with annotations. The PDF can be found here: La Mort de Gavroche translation

Gavroche Cette fois, Javert, t’arrêteras plus personne La mort t’a coffré à perpétuité J’espère qu’là-haut, on s’ra pas dans l’même cachot Sur terre déjà, on n’était pas du même combat¹

Gavroche This time, Javert, you’ll no longer be arresting anyone Death has locked you up for good I hope up there, we won’t be in the same dungeon On earth already, we weren’t in the same fight¹

NOTES 1. “du même combat” literally means “of the same fight” but I believe this is using “même combat!” which is an expression of solidarity meaning “we’re on the same side.” I kept the translation in the lyrics more literal since “to be in the same fight” in English can also convey the idea of solidarity.

Courfeyrac Sacré Gavroche, t’as toujours l’mot pour rire² C’est pas la parlotte³ qui te f’ra guérir Marius Ah les salauds, ils ont tiré sur un enfant Ils ont, sans savoir, abattu le printemps Quel dieu cruel s’abreuve du sang des innocents Et combien faudra-t-il pleurer d’combattants?

Courfeyrac Blasted Gavroche, you always have something funny to say² It’s not the gift of the gab³ that will heal you Marius Ah the bastards, they’ve shot at a kid They have, without knowing, shot down spring What cruel god drinks the blood of innocents And how many fighters will we have to cry over?

NOTES 2. “avoir le mot pour rire” is an expression that literally means “always have the word for laughing / a laugh” and is translated as “to make jokes, be funny.”

3. “la parlotte” means “chitchat, chatter, chinwag, talking shop, etc.” I decided to translate it as “the gift of the gab” because that felt like a more appropriate term given the previous line which implies that Gavroche is good at always making jokes.

Gavroche Notre drapeau était par terre Rouge de honte et bleu sali Moi, j’ai bondi blanc⁴ de colère “Allons, enfants de la patrie”⁵

Gavroche Our flag was on the ground Red with shame and dirtied blue Me, I leapt up, white⁴ with anger “Allons, enfants de la patrie”⁵

NOTES 4. “Rouge de honte … blanc de colère” This sequence uses expressions that incorporate the colors of the French flag (blue, white, red). “Rouge de honte” means “red with shame,” as in “blushing with shame” or a “flush of shame” but can also simply be translated as “ashamed.” I haven’t been able to figure out if “bleu sali” is an expression or is simply referring to the dirtied blue of the flag on the ground. “Blanc de colère” is, as in English, “white with anger.”

5. “Allons, enfants de la patrie!” is a reference to the first line of the Marseillaise, the national anthem of France. It means “Let’s go, children of the fatherland/motherland!”

Un mec m’a vu, qui m’a crié : “Qui vive!”⁶ J’ai dit : "Révolution française" Ça lui a pas plu ma franchise M’a mis un pruneau⁷ dans la fraise⁸ C’est comme ça, on gagne pas à chaque fois

A guy saw me, shouted at me “Who lives?”⁶ I said : “The French revolution” That didn’t please him, my frankness, Put a slug⁷ in my face⁸ It’s like that, you don’t win every time

NOTES 6. “Qui vive!” is an expression that literally means “who lives?” but is translated as “who goes there?” Just like the English expression, it has same the context of someone on watch or in a military environment asking an unknown person to identify themselves. However, I chose to keep the literal translation in the lyrics because it ties the pun in the response together. The response is “Révolution française (the French Revolution),” because a common refrain is “Vive la revolution française!” literally, “Live the French revolution!”

7. “pruneau” is argot (slang). The word “pruneau” means “prune” but it was used as slang for a bullet.

8. “fraise” is another argot word. This time the word for “strawberry” means “face / mug.”

Donnez, donnez⁹, ma casquette aux copains C’est tout c’que j’ai et j’en n’ai plus besoin Je suis tombé par terre, C’est la faute à Voltaire¹⁰ Le nez dans le ruisseau, C’est la faute à...

Give, give⁹, my cap to my friends It’s all I have, and I don’t need it anymore I fell to the ground It’s the fault of Voltaire¹⁰ Nose in the gutter, It’s the fault of…

NOTES 9. “Donnez, donnez” is a callback to the refrain used in Gavroche’s introductory song on the Original Concept Album (the equivalent of Look Down).

10. “C’est la faute à Voltaire” – I would have preferred to translate these lines as “It’s Voltaire’s/Rousseau’s fault” but I kept the French wording of “It’s the fault of Voltaire/Rousseau” so that the final line cuts off in the same manner.

As usual, corrections and commentaries are welcome!

[itsaash]

unsatisfyingly satisfying part 2: shivers

Set sometime in the future when our beloved Coops are married and on vacation in Banff :))) prompt and cover art credit to @noots-fic-fests, character credit of Coops to @lumosinlove And shout out to @girlwithcurls96 for helping me and reassuring me about this whole story, and who is the type of friend when you say, "what kind of tattoos should this character have?" comes through with the perfect pinterest board of style inspo to create the OCs of my dreams

“You got the camera baby?” Remus called as he shut the trunk of the white rental car.

“Ouais, et j'ai les collations là.” 

Remus smiled as he translated in his head. Being in Banff National Park, or Parc national Banff as Sirius exclusively called it, with signs and boards and everything in French as well as English, had set Sirius into a firmly French state of mind. Remus was absolutely not complaining, the melodic sounds scratched his brain just right, even if he couldn’t replicate them. He just beeped the car, pocketed the keys, patted his pocket to feel his phone, and caught up to Sirius and took his hand as they walked across the parking lot. 

It was early in the morning, the gondola would be just starting up. They planned their visits to touristy places for the least busy time of day. A good half hour had been spent signing autographs at the Calgary airport when they arrived a few days ago. Canadians knew their hockey players, especially ones who would certainly be on the next Canadian Olympic hockey team. Neither of them minded , per se, but also if they could blend in, well they’d rather prefer that option. 

Typical outdoorsy MEC outfits like every other tourist were their outfits, with a pretty generic blue ball cap for Sirius, and Remus had chosen a fashionable flat brim hat after Sirius had gone silent and staring when Remus had tried it on in the store.  While any claim they had to disguise was low, their main hope was that most of the people who rode a gondola on a Thursday morning wouldn’t also be hockey fans. Banff had been great so far, busy streets of tourists to blend into while eating elephant ears, a hike yesterday to lakes the most fucking amazing color of turquoise where everyone nodded their head and said hello as they passed on the trail, and today they were heading up the gondola. It was a warm July day and Remus knew heat would start to gather soon, but it felt so fresh here in the mountains, always a breeze, really it was nearly idyllic. Even here, in a busy parking lot, dozens of cars already and pavement for hundreds of meters, it still somehow felt rustic. That was the influence of the towering rough mountains he supposed. They were everywhere here, he had never been in the mountains like this. He squeezed Sirius’ hand as they walked, his head turning to take it all in. 

“The view doesn’t get old, eh,” Sirius laughed as he took in Remus’ wide eyes. 

“Literally never. There’s just mountains everywhere .”

“And here we go, up another one,” Sirius said. 

“Can’t wait,” Remus said, squeezing Sirius’ hand with excitement again, taking in the grey of Sirius’ eyes and comparing it to the grey of the mountains. The mountains were undeniably majestic, but that blue grey gaze was still his overall first place favourite.

Remus scanned the tickets on his phone for the agent with the usual “bonjour, hello” passed between them and joined the small line of people waiting to board the gondolas. They wound through the roped off area, back and forth across the loading area as the line moved, reading the information placards as they went. Remus challenged himself to read the French versions and asked Sirius for help with some words, just to hear him say them, to see Sirius’ eyes smile when he heard Remus say the words back as best he could. They passed the time in the line quickly like this, passing words in French back and forth to each other quietly, almost like bubbles of love being traded between them, like emotional kisses, like whatever the sounds are that are in my mouth, they always mean I love you. 

Remus vaguely knew from the corners of his attention that the people who worked for the Park were working with the line, fitting groups together into gondolas in the most space efficient way, calling for single riders to come join groups of 3, putting two couples together, keeping kids with their parents. There was a large family ahead of them and Sirius and Remus had been half-hearing conversations about snacks and who would sit by who and where’s my water bottle and dad, what if we see a bear ?? So when the attendant called, ‘next group of two? Un groupe de deux?’ looks travelled down the family and passed like dominos to Sirius and Remus. 

“On est deux,” Sirius said, knowing everyone who worked for the Park spoke at least some French, and he was loving using it at every opportunity.

“Allez, on y va,” the attendant said, waving them over. Sirius and Remus kept their hands clasped as they snuck past the big family, Remus murmured an, “ope, sorry,” as they made their way to the front of the line. They boarded the open gondola, sitting down on one side together as the doors slid closed and the gondola started moving.

Remus was just starting to look out the floor to ceiling window, seeing the expanse of nature below them, all around them once they were past the loading area of the building, when he heard,

“Sirius Black?? ”

Oh shit. They were on a gondola with a fan. Well, hopefully a fan, god, imagine if it was someone who wanted to lecture them for the whole 8 minute ride. Sirius would give them his stony cold game face, and inevitably the person would back down, but it would be so awkward.

But Sirius hadn’t said anything. He was just staring, mouth slightly open. Time passed in frozen silence, enough time that Remus darted his eyes back and forth, from Sirius’ frozen form, to the two girls sitting across from them. One had a ball cap on with a dark ponytail floating out the back of it and her tank top showed clearly well developed biceps and deltoids, hiking shorts and shoes. She  was nearly as slack jawed as Sirius. The other girl was much more fashionable, in pants that were somehow loose but still fitted, and a cropped shirt (sports bra? what did Remus know about women’s fashion), clean white runners, long curly blond hair pulled into a messy half bun. It was still Banff and hiking appropriate except everything about her outfit and hair seemed to be on purpose in a way that none of the rest of them could claim. She seemed to be trying to read the situation as much as Remus was, and after long seconds she was the one to break the silence. 

“Rebecca? You know him?” 

The other girl, Rebecca? Almost literally shook herself out of her surprise and laughed, a smile coming over her face. 

“Oh my god, what are the fucking chances? Yeah, well, I mean, Sirius and I, well, yeah, we’ve met.”

Remus felt his eyebrows raise at her faltering tone and he looked to Sirius who didn’t seem ready to say words of any language yet. So Remus spoke first. 

“Oh, well hello. I’m Remus. It’s nice to meet you,” and he put his hand out to Rebecca to shake. She smiled more, her eyes taking him in and she took his hand. 

“Hi Remus, I’m Rebecca. Nice to meet you. This is my girlfriend Claire,” she said, gesturing at the well dressed girl. “We’re just touring the area, on vacation, I guess you must be too. It is the offseason I guess? I can’t believe we’re on the same gondola as you, what even is this.”

Remus felt himself relax, girlfriend, ok so they weren’t in for an 8 minute lecture. That was something at least. He turned to Claire and shook her hand too. His eyes travelled up and down her tattooed arms, all thin lines and curling shapes. He especially noticed a beautiful one of a star surrounded by a circle on the inside of her elbow, but the whole thing was made of flowers and vines in light colours.

“Nice to meet you too Claire. Are y’all hockey fans then?” he asked, glancing repeatedly at Sirius, who was still seemingly frozen. He pressed his palm against Sirius’ thigh, hoping to ground him with touch. Feeling more than a little bit like he needed that too.

Claire laughed, a high, bright sound. 

“No, I can’t say I am. Is that how you know him, sweetheart?” Claire asked her girlfriend. 

“I, um, well yeah, kind of. We met at a media weekend where they were doing stories on a bunch of athletes for a magazine,” Rebecca explained, her gaze bounced between Sirius, Remus, her girlfriend, back to Sirius.

Remus nodded. Well that made sense. What didn’t make sense was that Sirius hadn’t said a single fucking word. He turned toward him, angling his body towards his husband so he could mouth as much as say, ‘ça va, baby?’ 

Sirius started bobbing his head. Remus saw him take two purposeful breaths, close his eyes for a long moment, and then open them again with his media smile on.

“Désolé, sorry, sorry Rebeccca. You just surprised me,” he took off his hat, ran his hands through his hair and replaced the hat. “Wow, yeah, it’s good to see you. Like you said, what are the chances?” 

“What media thing was it that you did?” Remus asked lightly, hoping to soften whatever the fuck this atmosphere was. 

“That one in New York that Pots and I went to? During your third season with the team, I think?” Sirius said. He looked deep into Remus’ eyes and took and squeezed his hand. Remus didn’t know why Sirius needed comfort, but he clearly did. So he scooted as close to Sirius as he could on the bench, held his hand, and tried to send comfort like osmosis. It seemed Sirius may have received the offering because he seemed to relax a degree or two. 

“Rebecca was on the olympic rugby team that got a medal at that olympics a few years ago,” Sirius supplied, gesturing to her. “Or maybe you still play?”

“Yeah, I do actually!” she replied. “I’m not a starter anymore, but I still have one more Olympics in me. The team has been doing so awesome, it’s been such an sweet ride.”

“Oh wow, that's amazing!” Remus said, meaning it, and hoping to take the conversation in safer territory. “Are you on a break from training right now? Being a tourist for a bit?”

“Yeah! It’s so beautiful out here. And it’s nice to have time to take in the sights. We travel for matches all the time, but it’s never very long in one place. We played a match near here last season, and it was so beautiful I knew I needed to bring Claire back here.” She smiled at her girlfriend and took her hand. 

“So you’re a hockey player?” Claire asked Sirius. He smiled a small smile and nodded, maybe started to say more while gripping Remus’ hand, but Claire continued, “that’s nice, but you two obviously slept together, right?” she said, gesturing between Rebecca and Sirius.

Rebecca just laughed, Sirius’ mouth dropped open, and Remus startled like he’d been shocked.

“That’s what this weird vibe is?!” he asked Sirius, half laughing, half horrified. “Oh my god, well, I get it now.”

Sirius dropped his head into both his hands, shaking his head, and then his shoulders were shaking, until his whole body was quivering with laughter. 

“Mon dieu, sorry, Rebecca… Re, I’m sorry.” Laughter bubbled out of him.  “I don’t know why I locked up, I got thrown back in time there for a minute, in my head. I’m ok now, sorry. Rebecca, it really is good to see you, I just was so surprised.”

Remus just shook his head. He’d be pretty shocked in the same situation too. The air already felt clearer, Sirius’ laughter had dissipated most of the awkwardness. 

“So you’re bi too then?” Rebecca asked. “Or pan maybe? I saw you two in the news of course, oh god I didn’t mean to bring that up, I just mean, obviously you’re married now! Congratulations,” she seemed to force herself to stop talking and Remus laughed. 

“Yeah, we got married last summer, it was amazing.”

Sirius smiled at him, the smile they always had when they thought about the lake house and their friends and family and the perfect haze of happy memories that surrounded that day. Sirius took a deep breath and turned to Rebecca.

“Yeah! But, um, no. Uh, I’m actually gay. That’s probably why I froze up there for a minute. But if you’re queer too that makes me feel a lot better, I think I panicked for a second that there would be flirting? Sorry, sorry.” he said, looking back and forth between both Rebecca and Claire.

Claire laughed, “Oh there could still be flirting, I’m afraid. You’re just her type in guys. I’m gay too, but my sweetheart here had a later in life bi awakening, much to my benefit.” She got closer and closer to Rebecca’s neck as she said this, and ended with a soft kiss to her jaw. Rebecca smiled a soft smile at her girlfriend, but then turned to Sirius, more serious. 

“Wow, so, um, that night must have been hard for you then? I feel like I should apologise. I think I kissed you first that night.”

Sirius shrugged his shoulders like his shirt was too tight, and Remus studied his reaction, taking his hand in both of his now, and drew circles in Sirius’ palm with his thumb. Sirius rubbed the back of his head with his other hand before answering. 

“No, please don’t apologise. You couldn’t know, I didn’t know. Well I knew, but I didn’t know . It’s not like you were the only girl I was with. I thought I just had to meet the right girl. And actually you helped with that, because you were so amazing. Beautiful, and fun to be around, and athletic and funny. And it was still… fine.” Rebecca laughed and faked hitting her heart with her fist like a stab. “No, I don’t mean it was bad! It was fine! Shit I keep saying fine… it was…” Sirius trailed off, looking to Remus, clearly now developing an aversion to the word fine. 

“Sirius, Sirius, it’s ok. I get it. The comphet comes for us all, doesn’t it?” Rebecca said. She started off half laughing, but her voice was full of authenticity by the end of her sentence. 

Remus kept running his thumb over Sirius’ palm in soothing circles, and Claire lifted her arm up to trace the edge of the window, and then put it around Rebecca’s shoulders, hugging her close. 

In the moment of silence that followed, the gondola slowly swung to stop. They all looked around, looking down at the magnificent view really for the first time since they got on the thing. 

“Huh, they must be stopping it to help someone on or off, I guess,” Remus said. A shiver had come over him as they swung to a stop, but it passed. The others nodded in acknowledgment as they swayed gently. 

“You were my last,” Sirius said into the silence. “My last time with … with a woman.” Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius. “Well, I kissed other girls after that, only in public, but I knew after that night with you that I wanted to be with guys. Even if I didn’t let myself actually do that for a long time yet, at least I knew.” He paused. “Sorry,” he said again.

Rebecca laughed. “Honestly Black, it really is ok, stop apologising. I’m a little surprised, for sure, because for me it was really good. Like, really good. Like I-never-found-a-guy-as-good-again good, despite giving it an honest try. Had to fully just move onto women, good. So I might be questioning my perception of reality a little bit over here, but you don’t have anything to apologise for.” 

Remus was processing, hardly believing the turn this gondola ride had taken, but had to smile at that.

“He is pretty good, isn’t he?” Remus said, gazing up at Sirius with mischief in his eyes. “From our very first time, he knew what he was doing. Fuckin knocked my socks off,” Remus laughed. Rebecca joined him and Sirius buried his head in his hands again.

“Right?! His hands –”

“God, tell me about it. And his back?”

“Divine,” Rebecca sighed, tone half teasing and half serious. “And just his size, you know, when he’s on top, fully covering you?”

Remus faked a swoon, back of his hand to his forehead. “It’s amazing. Might be my favourite place in the world to be.” Sirius sat up and smacked Remus’ shoulder. “Re! Stop it,” he laughed.

“Did you get to experience his mouth?” Remus asked, leaning forwards to Rebecca. “Or how his eyes get so intense it’s like they glow?”

“Remus!”

Rebecca sighed dramatically. “I didn’t experience his mouth unfortunately. And I think he must be the only man in history to have turned down a blow job! It was mostly hands and some lovely dirty talk and … well, you know.”

“Oh the French dirty talk,'' Remus fawned, fanning himself with his hand, smiling evilly at Sirius. “It’s so hot.”

Rebecca faked a dramatic gasp. “Is this why you wanted me on my hands and knees??” she asked, gesturing dramatically to Remus. “So you could pretend I was him!?” The words might be accusatory, but the tone was pure glee. “Did you know him then?” she asked Remus. 

Sirius moaned into his hands and ground out what might have sounded like kill me now. 

“I just knew him as the hockey obsessed, tough as nails, never an emotion to be seen hockey captain back then. And I saw him make out with multiple girls at bars after that, so he clearly wasn’t ready for me yet back then,” Remus teased. 

Claire and Rebecca both nodded. “We all have to make our journeys of self discovery in our own time, don’t we,” Claire said. 

“That we do,” Remus said, letting the last of his laughter bubble out of him. They all took in a minute of happy silence, admiring the view. Even Sirius cautiously poked an eye out of the safety of his hands and looked past Remus to see towering snow capped mountains which they were almost eye level with up this high, this ground was really quite far away. Deep green trees transitioned into bright green grass in places, the buildings of the town looked like dots from here, and the fluffy white clouds seemed much closer than he had ever experienced before. 

The peace of the mountains seemed to sweep into the softly swinging gondola and Rebecca turned back to Sirius, still snuggled into Claire’s side. 

“I am sorry though, that society or whatever made you think you had to sleep with me. I’m sorry if I played a part in that,” she said. 

Sirius wasn’t frozen like the snow tipped mountains now, he tried to let his words flow like the breeze instead.

“I appreciate that, Rebecca, I do. But I could’ve said no, and I knew that. I went upstairs with you because I thought I should want to, but I was so deep in the shoulds, that in a roundabout way I did want to. And I’m honestly so glad you thought it was good, that’s like all I cared about.” “I never would’ve known you weren’t into it Sirius, really, it was good.” Sirius rolled his head on his neck, looking sheepish but happy. 

“It’s not that I didn’t think it was good. It did feel good, you’re amazing. I just was also really busy, in my mind. My thoughts were just going in bad circles with pressure and doing the right thing and what you might tell your friends and what I’d tell my teammates … so of course it was harder for me to just enjoy it. But like I said, you were the last time I did that, so I’m also really thankful for that, and for you. If you couldn’t be the right one, I knew there was no point in trying anymore.” He switched his gaze to Remus and his grin turned dopey, “until this one told me he was gay, and that I’d be worth it.”

Remus squeezed his hand. “You are worth it. Every day.” 

“If I may,” Claire said, “it sounds to me like you’re both right. You’re right, my love, to feel a bit weird about learning the guy you slept with doesn’t actually like sleeping with women. But it’s also ok that you still enjoyed it, because you’re always allowed to have your own version of a situation, based solely on your own experience of it. And he was actively trying to have you enjoy it, for different reasons than you thought. There’s no way you could have known his every inner thought.” Rebecca smiled and rested her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. 

“And you Sirius,” she continued, “it could be interpreted as misleading to have gone upstairs with her, but Rebecca and I, as women who love women, know the strength and seeping nature of comphet, as I’m sure you do too, as a man in a traditional masculine field. It gets into your bones and bosses you around and ties your thoughts up in knots. I’m really glad you freed yourself from expectations to let yourself live. I can tell the two of you are really good together,” she smiled. 

Remus nodded his head along with her and kept drawing calming circles with his thumb around Sirius’ palm. 

“Merci, Claire,” Sirius smiled, “and for what it’s worth, Rebecca, I’m sorry for putting you in that situation.”

“Forgiven, Sirius Black. And thank you for ruining me for other men, so that I could find this goddess,” she leaned up to kiss Claire on the lips, deep and sensual. Sirius thought that looked like a really great idea, and leaned in to Remus. 

“Ça va bien, baby?” Remus repeated, their lips close, breathing each other in and out. He had been pressed up against Sirius’ side this whole conversation, clutching his hand. And now they blocked out the mountains, the uncomfortable seat, the shining sun, and only focused in on each other. 

“Oui. Je vais bien. Etonné. But … also good. Glad to have you, like always.”

“I’ll never be anywhere else, mon mari,” Remus murmured as he leaned in to kiss Sirius. Lost in their kiss, they didn’t notice that Rebecca and Claire were watching them with soft smiles on their faces, Rebecca’s head still against Claire’s shoulder. Claire twirled her hand around and then threaded her fingers through Rebecca’s ponytail, smiling. 

The gondola started moving again, startling Sirius and Remus apart with a smile. They squeezed each other’s hands with a shiver, they both had goosebumps from a brief chill. They all rode the last few minutes how they all had thought their whole ride would go. They pointed out the tallest trees, saw shapes in the clouds, basked in the chance to be so high up and see the world from such a different perspective. Funny how that makes a difference for so many things. 

They all saw the loading area approach, and stayed quiet while they slowed to a stop and the doors opened. They filed out into the visitors center. When they rounded the corner and were away from most other people, Rebecca folded herself into Sirius for a hug, squeezing him, her cheek pressed into his chest. He rested the side of his head against her and held her for a long moment. 

“Despite the shock, it really was good to see you, Sirius. And super good to get to clear the air with you about our night together. I, selfishly, hope you don’t regret it, but it’s ok if you do. I’m still happy to know you. Maybe you can actually text me back now that there’s no big secret swirling over you, eh?” she swatted him in the stomach at the last, and he dodged with an oof and a laugh. 

“Rebecca, honestly, I’m really glad to have run into you like this. Sorry if I was weird. I don’t regret it, how can I, when it was a stop on the path to me finding my husband?”

Rebecca turned and gave Remus a hug too. “Sorry for having your husband before you,” she teased. Remus huffed a laugh, and hugged her back. 

“Good to meet you Rebecca. I’ll forgive you, I suppose .” he joked. “Since I’m the one he’s going home with, I can’t complain.”

“Nope, you have absolutely nothing to complain about, I would know,” Rebecca teased as she took Claire’s hand again. “And I have this goddess now anyways. Bye, guys, take care!” she said as they started to turn away down the boardwalk.

“Enjoy your vacation!” Claire said with a wave, and Remus and Sirius waved as well, standing with their arms around each other’s backs. When they were a good way down the boardwalk Sirius turned and collapsed into Remus’ arms. They stood there amidst the beauty of the mountains. Tourists walked past and around them, taking pictures. They stood long enough for clouds to form and reform shapes, until Sirius could huff out a laugh. “What the actual fuck are the chances.”

“Of you stepping into a 6 foot square enclosed space with the last woman you had sex with? Really, really, really low I’d imagine. Even if we changed the odds to include all the women in general who have seen you naked, the number still has to be…” Remus trailed off as Sirius stood up and pushed him away, grumbling and laughing. 

“Stop teasing me, mon loup, this was traumatising ,” Sirius pouted. 

“Oh baby, I know, I know, come here,” Remus laughed, and gathered Sirius in tight for one more hug. “Let’s look around? And then we can walk down? So we don’t accidentally get trapped with the next least likely person in the fucking world? I can’t quite imagine who that could be at this point, but we’re probably safer on a hiking trail.”

“Let’s get trapped with your college boyfriend, and I’ll make comments about your mouth, tabarnak , that was embarrassing,” Sirius laughed under his breath as he turned to take in the view. 

“I was trying to cut the tension!”

“I’ll cut your tension,” Sirius muttered back.

“Can’t wait, baby,” Remus said with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Sirius rolled his eyes, and then they did enjoy the view, thoroughly. And they took the hiking trail back down the mountain. 

[femsolid]

Hi it’s the same anon here. I didn’t know that part about the school children which speaks to how uninformed I was. And since you mentioned it although I try to get news from both sides. Looking back these last months my news feed has been looking more conservative. I think I was too tired to do my own research and just took things at face value. Anyways I have reflected on what you said and will try to do better. I shouldn’t have spoken so reckless about other people. I didn’t mean to come off that way but your right wether or not I was paying attention the more I consumed that media subconsciously it was getting in. The avoid part was because I’ve been struggling with conflict resolution. Like instead of saying no I’ve been just been avoiding them. I’ve been having a hard time standing up for myself and setting boundaries and because of that I’ve been frustrated because I feel like they’re not picking up on my non verbal language. Which is stupid on my part because no one can read my mind. Either way your right I shouldn’t have projected my personal problems as general problems that all separatists go through. Thanks for answering my ask so quickly. I will change my watch history. Have a nice evening

Men don't need to read your mind to know when they're bothering you. The general harassment that women face for the crime of simply going out is a problem. But it doesn't stop nor start with a certain ethnicity. I take offence to your racism, not to the way you handle conflicts in your life. I hope you can take some distance and remember the real power imbalances at play. Would you leave your family, your studies, your country, your home, your pets, to go beg the streets in winter, in a country that perceives you like vermin? And if you were, would you be a problem? And would you be THE problem that deserves nationwide attention, on all news channels, the massive issue that should be talked about at every election? You?

Les chaines d'information françaises sont extrêmement racistes. Elles invitent des racistes qui déversent des mensonges continuellement et sans gêne et elles ne parlent que de ces sujets. Ce qui te donne l'impression que ces sujets sont plus communs qu'ils ne sont les réellement. Jamais tu verras un débat sur les mecs bien blancs, bien français, qui abusent de leurs filles tous les jours. Jamais tu verras un reportage sur les mecs blancs qui instrumentalisent la justice pour voler les enfants de leurs mères. Ni sur tous les managers blancs qui harcèlent sexuellement leurs collègues et subordonnées. Ni sur les docteurs et infirmiers bien blancs qui sont des serial violeurs. Et bien sûr tous les blancs qui s'adonnent au catcalling, aussi, eh oui.

Tu verras pas non plus de reportage sur la pauvreté qui met en cause les riches, puisque les riches possèdent les plateaux de télé. A la place tu verras des reportages et "débats" sur les gens au RSA, les roms qui mendient, les immigrés qui sont des assistés, les musulmans qui sont des terroristent et viennent violer "nos" femmes.

C'est de la propagande. Dès que tu t'informes avec des sources différentes, que tu regardes des choses plus variées, que tu lis, que tu t'interesses, que tu bosses avec des gens éduqués et qui viennent de partout, tu te rends compte que c'est pas l'ethnicité le problème.

Je me suis débarassée de ma télé y'a des années et, bizarrement, plus de "problème d'immigration" dans ma vie.

[lamaenthel]

Not Allowed To Die

[read on ao3][masterlist]Febuwhump prompt: Not allowed to die

The bacta bandage itches. It takes all of his self control to not rip it off, dig his fingers into the fresh incision and rip open his own skull so he can spray the insides with bleach. "You should have just killed me," Rex says, hollow. He stares down at Cody's medical contraption and the rotten biochip that it pulled from his brain, and curls his shaking hands into fists.

Characters: CT-7567|Rex/Sith!Ahsoka Tano, Darth Vader, CC-2224|Cody Wordcount: 2457

The bacta bandage itches. It takes all of his self control to not rip it off, dig his fingers into the fresh incision and rip open his own skull so he can spray the insides with bleach. "You should have just killed me," Rex says, hollow. He stares down at Cody's medical contraption and the rotten biochip that it pulled from his brain, and curls his shaking hands into fists.

"Been a rough year, eh?" Cody asks mildly. He's never been funny. Today isn't different. "What can you remember?"

"All of it." Rex presses his palms against his eyes until he sees stars. "It… Everything I did…"

"Don't blame yourself, Rex, that was the chip—"

"And everything she's done…"

"It makes it so that every order given is completely sound, logical. It starts degrading after a few months. Things start becoming more clear." Cody rubs his back. "You noticed that suddenly things felt wrong, didn't you? You couldn't just go along with it as easily. It's not your fault. Ahsoka is the one who Fell—"

"That's not Ahsoka!" Rex turns on his brother, spitting with rage. "That's not my fucking Ahsoka! Korrē isn't Ahsoka, no matter what she looks like… her eyes…" He weeps like a damn tubie, gulping, heaving big, ugly sobs like he hasn't since he was a cadet and saw his first brother die on the practice range. Cody can blame it on the chip all he wants, but in the end he did what he did because he loved her. "He did something to her. Skywalker… no, Vader, he did something when he brought her back."

"What do you mean?" Cody asks.

"She was dead." Cody's eyes go wide. "Palpatine murdered her with Sith lightning, then Skywalker…" A surge of vomit rises in Rex's throat. He's finding it harder and harder to tell them apart in his mind, even though he knows that the Skywalker he had followed into battle would have killed all three of them before letting them become what they have. The clarity of the chip is gone. He almost hates Cody for taking it away. "Vader. He used his own lightning to restart her heart."

Cody goes pale. "General Kenobi used to say that Sith lightning could corrupt, turn and deform—"

Rex vomits on the hand-woven Nubian rug and collapses next to the puddle, sobbing hysterically. He can't look at Cody—You're devouring him too quickly—can't even think of looking him in the eyes after—I've just been so hungry lately— what was done to Kenobi's body—

"Alright, alright, easy." Cody pulls Rex back to a sitting position and wipes the vomit off his face. "They're on their way back, brother. We don't have much time."

"You have to get them away from here," Rex forces out in between hiccups. "Senator Amidala—and her children. Get them out—get them out before he can hurt them any—any more than he already has." I want us to be a big, happy family. Padmé's doing her part. "She's pregnant again, Codes. You can't let him—let him get his hands on another—"

"I didn't come here for them," Cody says. His mouth tightens to a thin line. "They're too heavily guarded, and even if I got through I don't have an astromech to slice into a ship."

Rex lunges for the wardrobe. He tosses all of the expensive banthashit that they've bought to dress him up in over his shoulder in search of it, and he finally finds it at the bottom of a suitcase. "I didn't know why I kept it," Rex says, sinking back on his rump. "It's Artoo's memory chip. I know there's astromechs in the hangar garage, just plug it into one. He can slice into anything."

"Skywalker's old mech?" Cody takes it with a look of trepidation. "What about you?"

Rex tastes stomach acid again. Whatever she brings forth won't be right. It'll be as corrupted as she is, feral, vile. That doesn't mean he'll abandon them. "She's pregnant."

"I heard you."

Rex shakes his head. "No. Korrē is pregnant."

Cody's face falls. "Rex." He puts a careful hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure that…"

"That it's mine?" Rex laughs bitterly. "That's the only thing I am sure of. He hasn't fucked her." Cody doesn't look convinced. Rex can't blame him. "It's the only thing he won't do to her." He wants to cover his eyes again, but he knows he'll only see Ah—Korrē, Korrē's mouth hanging open in pleasure as the man who helped raise her crudely masturbates her lek, sitting entwined with him on his throne like a pair of serpents. "He likes to… to rile her up, and then turn her on me." And he watches them, too, though Rex doesn't tell Cody that. Every time he felt a tickle on the back of his neck, every time the hair on his arms sprang up with the feeling of eyes on them, it was because there were; Vader's jealous eyes were the ones Rex felt when he made love to her.

"I'm sorry, Rex." Cody sinks down next to him. "I know how you felt about her. I'm so sorry, but I don't… You said it. That's not Ahsoka anymore."

She responded to her name. Now that Rex has control of his mind again, the desire to try and wake Ahsoka up—to drag her out of Korrē—is getting stronger. But even if he did, would Ahsoka want to live with what Korrē had done? "What was your plan? If you don't have a ship, how the hell were we getting out of here?"

"On foot."

Rex barks out a hysterical laugh. "Top tier plan, ol' boy."

"We only need to get outside the blast radius." Cody snorts at his surprised gasp. "Obi-Wan had me waiting here since Order 66 as a contingency, in case they had to flee Tatooine. But he couldn't smuggle them off world in time, then it was all locked down with a dozen sodding Venators in orbit. I didn't… I didn't realize you were alive until Skywalker announced the engagement to Ah—Korrē," he quickly amends at the face Rex must be making.

"You've got a bomb?"

Cody shrugs. "It's a bit ironic, I admit." He pulls a small capped syringe out of a pouch on his belt and shows him. "Nano-droids. Voice activated, just need to say the trigger phrase."

Rex takes the syringe, caught between laughter and tears. "This is how Offee bombed the hangar. What Ahsoka was accused of doing. Why she almost walked away." Until Skywalker talked her into staying. He almost starts crying again.

"I figured it was my best shot. I was going to lace the food with it. I don't trust a bomb to take them out unless it's inside of them." Cody reaches for the syringe. Rex keeps it out of reach. "Rex…" he warns.

"I'll do it." Rex curls his fist around the syringe.

Cody huffs, frustrated. "Brother, I love you, but I don't believe that you're going to shoot up your pregnant betrothed with nano-droids."

Rex isn't formulating a plan, it's coming to him fully formed with the strangest assurance that it'll work. He stopped putting much stock in the Force when he marched up the stairs to the Jedi Temple at Vader's side. Maybe he was wrong. "I'm not shooting her up."

"Then give it back."

Rex uncaps the syringe and jabs it into his neck before Cody can stop him.

"The fuck are you doing?" Cody hisses, yanking the syringe away too late.

"Lacing her food." Rex laughs at his own joke and ignores the horrified look on Cody's face. "Ahsoka wasn't allowed to die when she should have. Vader denied her that peace. I love her enough to give it back."

Cody's face crumbles. "Even though she's—"

"Especially because she's pregnant." In his mind's eye, he sees the sleeping Padawans twitching in their bacta tanks as they suffocate. "Take my armor. I'm the only one with the authority to move the royal family, no one will question you. Get that chip into an astromech, and get Amidala and her babies out."

"You're sure?" Cody's voice cracks.

Rex nods, smiling genuinely for the first time in over a year. It'll be over soon. "I'm sure."

Cody yanks him into an embrace. "I'll see you on the march, Rex," he whispers.

Rex grasps the back of his brother's head and presses their foreheads together hard enough to bruise. "I'll keep a spot open for you."

A housekeeping droid cleans the bedroom while Rex showers and programs the nano-droids. Once he's done, he rips the bacta patch off his head. The wound is barely closed, but a patch will draw more attention than a cut. Especially to a predator with a nose for blood.

The smell of fresh blood will make what he needs to do easier, anyway.

Rex watches Cody lead Padmé, dressed in a dark cloak with her babies tied securely to her chest, down the long beach until they're out of sight. An orange R3 follows them. Rex imagines that he can hear the droid complaining, the cadence of offended honks and beeps as familiar to him as his Commander's voice. He briefly wonders if Padmé knows it's not him who's leading them to safety.

The air turns thick and oppressive when they return. The birds stop singing, even the insects go quiet. Everything alive in the villa can sense the predators that have returned.

Rex waits for them in the sitting room with a paring knife slicing thin lines up his forearms, tenderizing himself for her. He needs as much of his blood out of him as he can stand. He feels her excitement tingling in his spine as she catches the scent from outside.

"Rex?" Korrē hurries through the vestibule, closely followed by Vader. He looks like he's in a good mood. "What are you doing?"

Rex's heart pounds like a hammer in his chest. He drops the knife with a clang and holds up his arms to show her.

She goes to her knees in front of him. "What's wrong, my love?" she coos, kissing him. "Why are you hurting yourself?"

He pulls her into his bloody embrace and kisses her hard. Her mouth tastes like fresh blood and saltwater. "Missed you," he whispers once they come up for air.

Korrē's face splits in a sharp smile and she puts Rex's bloody hand to her lips. "You missed me that much?" She sucks the blood off his fingers, closing her eyes in rapture. "I missed you too." She hums happily as she laps at the stinging cuts on his arms like a cat.

He feels a hollow satisfaction at knowing the nano-droids are now in her too. Whatever happens, they'll go together. He puts his hand on her belly and silently says goodbye.

She moves it lower, down the front of her pants. Her sex is already dripping. "I missed you so much," she says into his neck.

"I suppose I'll see to my other children, since you're preoccupied." Vader leans down, yanks her backwards by her rear lek until her head is craned all the way back, and stares at her. There's something close to hate in his golden eyes that softens to love after a few moments.

Rex finally has the clarity in those heartbeats to realize why Vader won't cross that final line—Kill your Padawan—why he touches her lek and nowhere else—kill the last, weak piece of Anakin Skywalker—why he kisses her cheeks and her montrals and her forehead and everything except her lips. It's because Anakin Skywalker won't let him. The hedonistic, possessive, egotistical, power-hungry demon of an alter ego that he created hasn't managed to kill off every bit of the man who cried and begged Palpatine to spare Ahsoka's life.

Rex is saving Anakin as much as he's saving Ahsoka.

Vader lets her lek go with a scowl, and turns to leave. "Stay," Rex blurts out, his heart racing a million beats per minute.

"What?" Vader turns slowly, glaring at him.

Rex can see the front of his robes are tented. His eyes trail up and meet Vader's for the first time since Mustafar. "Stay," he says again.

Vader's face distorts, deforms into a mask of pure rage. Rex flies up, is flung across the room with the Force so hard that he sees stars when he slams into the marble wall. "Are you inviting me to watch you fuck my daughter, Rex?" he growls, squeezing his fist. The air is squeezed from Rex's lungs like an invisible vice tightening around his chest. He gulps helplessly. He can't say the trigger word without air. He can't say it without air.

"Father?" Korrē's orange arms wrap around Vader from the back. Rex can just barely hear her purring over the throbbing rush of blood in his ears. "I'm sorry he said that. You can punish me. I can take it."

"You can take it?" He reels on her, puts his hand around her already bruised throat and holds her up against the wall. Rex drops to the marble floor, falls hard onto his knees. "Do you hear that, Rex? Your pregnant betrothed wants me to punish her in your place. Is that what you want?"

"No!" Rex struggles to his feet, hisses at the popping of his knees. He bit his tongue when he hit the wall and now his mouth is flooded with blood. "Please, my Lord, don't hurt her. I'm sorry." He goes down to one knee, contrite, and ignores the way his kneecaps feel like they're about to burst.

Rex doesn't look up until he can see Vader's boots. The Sith yanks Rex to his feet with one hand around his throat. "And how should I punish you?" Vader whispers, tightening his hand. He leans in until his lips are barely a centimeter away.

Rex closes the distance, shoves his tongue into Vader's mouth. After a moment of shocked stillness, Vader returns the kiss hungrily and walks them forward, shoving Rex against the wall with a knee between his thighs. His tongue is brutal, invasive, sweeping around his mouth with unexpected eagerness. When he pulls away, blood that's rich with nano-droids drips from the corner of his mouth.

Rex looks into Korrē's confused eyes from over Vader's shoulder. They almost look blue in the dim twilight of the Nubian dawn creeping through the stained glass windows. As best he can manage with Vader's hand around his throat, he takes one last, deep breath for the trigger phrase and smiles at her. "I love you, Ahsoka—"

Taglist: @starwarsficnet, @febuwhump, @soliloquy-of-nemo Divider: @saradika-graphics

[neopianbiologyproject]

Submission: Some suggestions!

from @todoyamas​! I’ll be putting their message in block quotes and responding as I have comments...

it begins:

i’m just bringing some stuff that i couldn’t find in your wl, and thought it would be interesting to add!

noting real quick, the wishlist is incomplete! it only has items representing presently verified species, so species still under review aren’t yet represented there. maybe i should make an additional wishlist for all items under review?

firstly, there’s the “mixed” petpets, which are crosses between two different species. i’m not sure how they would fit into your categories since they’re essentially “cooked” and not really breeded, but maybe they could eventually breed? i figured it’s worth a try hehe. these petpets are Blooky, Drackobunny, Foobug, Froiler, Gulpfir, Haseepuss, Hooklen, Huggy Bear, Khura, Moink, Moltenna, Noilkeet, Popblew, Romeep 3t3, Slorgclops, Spallard, Spoppy, Spoppy II, Uggazew, Unifox, Uni Bear, Wuzzer, and Zamillion.

the Woo Woo Grub also has a few interesting variations, such as Ha Ha Grub, Chebu Chebu Grub, Mec Mec Grub, Roo Roo Grub, Spoc Spoc Grub, Spoc Spoc II, and Wa Wa Grub.

i also thought it would be nice to include the Everlasting Apple (and possibly the Everlasting Crystal Apple), as well as Munparaberry and Rahkleaf Melon

i’m not sure if these would even fit into the project, but i also bring you Mechagrapes, Punegg, Ranegg, and Yenegg!

(For context, these petpets are made by combining petpets in the Cooking Pot on Mystery Island).

I have the Cooking Pot petpets on my main spreadsheet, but haven’t figured out what to do with them. I’m torn about every Cooking Pot combo item... there are also several fruits and non-organic foods that come from it. Fruits were a bit easier to decide, as a few of them have descriptions that imply they’re commonly found growing around Mystery Island despite only being available from the Cooking Pot, for example the Muntando Fruit, Fundus Fruit, and Scabergy:

(the description of Scabergy also put Erdu Ants on my list, even though there’s no Erdu Ants item or really even mention anywhere else)

I’m probably going to go back to the Cooking Pot items and review my decisions for them individually, but right now my rule of thumb has been that if one of the ingredients is artificial, the item itself may be genuine life but cannot be considered a natural or unique species, kind of like how a robot might be alive but isn’t natural life.

this means all the Grubs besides Woo Woo are disqualified :( for example, the ingredients of the Chebu Chebu Grub are:

this would also disqualify Yanegg, Punegg and Ranegg, but what is going on with Mechagrapes?

I’ve temporarily disqualified all the combo petpets specifically because they give no indication of being naturally occurring, since all their descriptions are combos of the ingredient petpets. but this is really all I have to go off of, so there could be more to work with out there that might change my mind.

and lastly, but more importantly!!! some creatures are mentioned only in item names/descriptions… there’s a food called Lice Rice, which implies the existence of lice in Neopia (although i’m not sure if any other item mentions it), and similarly, there are item mentioning sardines as well (Tin of Sardines, Smelly Sardine Wrap, Sardine Prune Parfait, and Sardine Vinegar Gum), black widows (Black Widow Truffle), tuna (Tuna Sub, Seared Tuna Steak, Yuna Porridge, etc), ducks (Duck Neck), wasps (Wasp Biscuits), and possibly brontosaurus??? (Bronto Bite)

also, a side note: there’s this thing… called Primordial Thing… it’s categorized as food but it seems weirdly alive, so maybe check it out? :0

these and many more are also all being taken into consideration, don’t you worry!

actually why don’t i share a sample of my spreadsheet:

the only thing holding us back here is the time I have to make full-ass posts on the topics at hand

[chuckchuck228]

SO AN AU

I think I’m going to to tell everything that I have for now! (I pray to god that it’s not cringe)

1) Do you remember when I tell that Jobs smocked weed? So Cobs was doing the same thing! Because of that he had huge problems with his parents.At the same time he meet Ballpoint pen who is really.... depressed?... I mean he super unsocial and  just.... don’t like anything. He used to criticize everything. (spoiler:it’s just to get some attention that he clearly didn’t get :c) But despite this Cobs still tries to be friend with him! About what BP really unhappy 

text of photo: “all my problems because of you! Because of you! BECAUSE OF YOU“

2) After some time BP has enough of Steve and he lashes out at him screaming that it’s his fault that BP have a lot of problems and “I didn’t even wanted to know you at the first place!”

text of photo:”because of you....“

BP is clearly not okey!! And Steve surprisingly not an asshole and still stick around Ballpoint trying to help him feel better

text of photo: 

“Cobs: can I stay at your place tonight?

Ballpoint: God, its deluges of rain! Come on in!

C: Thanks

BP: And what is in the jacket?

C: oh, it’s Mec. I didn’t finished it“

3) Now 2 years skip. BP is now much better but now Steve have problems. Remember problems with parents because of weed? Well even if Cobs stopped smoking it his parents don’t believe him and think that he spending all his money on drugs when he spending it on a lot of thing to make Mecintosh. After another fight he is kicked out of the house with only Mec and his jacket. he is wuicly trying to get to the BPs house to have some place to stay.

Aaaaaand he stays here! Of course he somehow get’s his stuff from his home but he lives with Ballpoint now where he finishes Mecintosh (without an AI for now)

Thats all. Thanks for your attention!

[l3m0ngal5]

Dapple idea spider Benny au Sterling asks Benny how exactly is Zack died

It was weird the more people who knew Benny's secrets Seem to make beings spider mec Easy But nothing could make this part easier Here's pause made the blonde Guy in front of him Apologise " Don't worry It makes sense your curious After the bug bit into my battery I made this suit and test it out Zack enjoyed it , It meant the they had to go home pretty late They were in danger and I was too busy joking around.I got there but I was too late to save him.I was able to grab her but I lost" Champagne seem to appear from nowhere to hug benny Sterling smiled slightly " I'm guessing if he was here.He would thank you for being the hero he wanted And I bet he'd forgive you" Benny wipes The part of his tears That wont on his boyfriend's jacket " Thanks Silver"

[kasienda]

Rena Rouge: Secret Keeper - Ch 3: Nino

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Read on Ao3

Chapter 3: Nino

Nino had outdone himself. Like truly, he was never gonna top this remix ever again. It was going to work so well with his opening sequence for his current film noir project.

But when he shared it with Noel and his maman, they hadn't understood. 

“Sounds great,” his maman said with a warm smile. But she was required to say that. She was his maman. 

Noel didn’t say anything, which honestly, was probably an improvement. Nino needed a better audience. One who would appreciate his genius! 

He bolted out the door in the morning, excited to go to school for once. 

Adrien’s seat was empty when he walked in, which was unfortunate because Adrien just got music in a way that Alya didn’t. But Alya was unmatched in pure enthusiasm, so he was delighted to see her in her usual seat, scrolling through something on her phone with concentration lines furrowing her forehead. He just liked it best when they were both there. 

“Babe!” he spun his chair around to face her before sitting “You have to listen to my song.”

She smiled indulgently at him, and waved her hands in a “give it here” motion. 

He placed the ear buds in her palm immediately. She put them on and closed her eyes. Watching the expressions dance across her face - a soft smile here, raised eyebrows there - while her head dipped in time with the beat, was like experiencing the song for the first time all over again. 

The three minutes and forty-eight seconds ended too quickly, and she opened her eyes and grinned at him. 

“Nino! This was amazing! I especially loved the intro! The way it buil–” And then she seemed to freeze, her attention over his shoulder. 

“What is it?” He twisted around, but it was only Adrien. 

“Hey mec!” Nino greeted enthusiastically, holding out his open hand. 

Adrien started and turned to him, a smile spreading across his face and they exchanged their usual handshake. “Hey dude!” 

“I finished a song that I need you to hear! I mean, as soon as Alya is done telling me what she thinks!” 

Adrien laughed and then turned to Alya. “Morning, A-Alya.” 

“Adrien,” she said dryly. 

Nino eyebrows scrunched together, glancing between the two of them. “What am I missing?” he asked. 

“Nothing!” Alya insisted, an instant smile spreading across her face. Suspiciously fast. 

Adrien’s smile felt more natural. “Alya just helped me with a project last night. I just felt bad for taking up so much of her time.” 

Alya beamed. “Anytime, sunshine. Anytime!” 

Nino glanced between them again.

“So your intro! It was amazing! I especially loved the way it built in intensity. I don’t know how you did that–” 

Nino’s grin was so wide it hurt. 

Then the bell rang, cutting her off, and Ms Bustier started class before Nino could ask any more questions. 

Marinette ran in a second later. And when she did, Alya gave her best friend the same awkward smile she had given him a moment earlier.

Nino frowned. Something was up. She had come to him last night as Rena , but she had vented about their best friends not being able to talk. He should have realized then that something was going on. He glanced between Adrien and Marinette. 

He leaned over Adrien’s shoulder. “Hey mec, did something happen yesterday between you and Marinette?”

Adrien’s eyebrows furrowed together in genuine confusion. “With Marinette? No, nothing. I only talked to Alya last night.”

Nino frowned. Something wasn’t adding up. 

…

“You just have to talk to him!” Alya insisted for what had to be the eighth time that hour.

Marinette flopped backwards onto her bed. “But Alya!”

“No but Alya! Marinette, he loves you. You can–”

“That makes it worse!”

“—literally tell him anything at all and he’ll eat it up. And you need to tell him what you told me.” 

Marinette rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. “I can’t tell him that we were in love! He will never stop!”

Alya’s phone buzzed. She glanced at it. 

Adrien: 

Hey Alya! Can I ask for some advice?

“He absolutely would if you told him to stop,” Alya said, unlocking her phone. Adrien respected boundaries to a fault. “So just tell him to stop.”

Alya: 

What’s up?

Marinette shook her head. “I can’t do that either. It makes him sad. I hate it when he gets sad.”

Was she hearing herself right now? 

Adrien: 

I’m a bit nervous about meeting with our mutual friend later.  Is she mad? 

Alya: 

Mad is not the word I would use. I don’t think you need to worry though. 

“Marinette, are you sure you don’t have any feelings for Chat Noir?”

“No! I’m definitely in love with Adrien.” 

Alya didn’t facepalm, but she wanted to. 

“Don’t make that look,” Marinette said. 

“What look?” 

“Like you think you know my feelings better than I do.” 

Alya pressed her lips together.  She texted Adrien back instead to keep herself from saying something stupid. 

Alya: 

I have it on good authority that all you need to do is be yourself. She’s a sucker for kindness and vulnerability. You do that, she’ll forgive everything. 

“Alyaaaa,” Marinette whined. “You’re not listening. Who are you talking to?” 

“Chat Noir,” Alya said, putting down her phone. 

“What?! What are you talking about?” 

“You.”

Marinette turned red. “What are you saying about me?” Marinette started to reach for the phone, but stopped herself before Alya had to chastise her. 

“I’m definitely giving him all the secrets to winning your heart.”

Marinette’s face fell flat.

And Alya couldn’t help it. She laughed. “I’m just kidding.” There would be no point. Chat Noir already had her heart. Just neither of them knew it! And Alya couldn’t tell them. 

But Marinette didn’t laugh. 

“What is it?” Alya asked, putting her phone down, and nudging Marinette in the shoulder. 

Marinette turned to her, her face sad. “It’s not that I couldn’t love him, you know. I know that. It’s just— loving Adrien doesn’t result in world destruction.” 

Alya didn’t bang her head against the wall. She didn’t react at all.

She deserved a medal. 

Because loving Adrien did result in world destruction. Fuck! She wanted to bury her face in Marinette’s blankets and never come up again. How was she supposed to protect them all from an alternate timeline she knew almost nothing about?

She agreed to keeping them from figuring each other out. She didn’t agree to keeping them from falling in love! 

She didn’t think she could bring herself to sabotage Marientte’s next love confession to Adrien even if a successful confession would make everything ten times harder. Doing so went against the best friend code, and everything Alya believed about love.

But a superhero had to put the world first, didn’t they? 

Being a superhero was hard to live up to. 

Hopefully Marinette was skilled enough on self sabotage it wouldn’t come to that. 

“Would you come with me to meet Chat?” Marinette asked with that pleading face that got her everywhere with almost everyone, and absolutely nowhere with Alya.

Alya shook her head. “No! Marinette! He needs to hear all this from you!” 

“Your phone is buzzing again,” Marinette said, climbing down the ladder and into the bathroom.

“Marinette!” Alya called after her.

“I’m fine!” she insisted. “Talk to Chat!” 

Alya sighed and flipped her phone over. 

Adrien:

Are you allowed to be telling me all this? 

Alya:

Definitely not. Clear violation of the girl code. 

Adrien: 

Then why are you telling me? 

Because he could make her happy, and on doing so he would be happy too! Not that she could say that! 

Alya:

I’m just kidding. I haven’t told you anything her friends don’t already know about her. And you’re her friend, too, right?

Adrien:

Are you going to come tonight?

Him too? Gah! These two deserved each other. 

Marinette poked her head through the door. “Everything okay? Is Chat okay?” 

“Chat is absolutely fine,” Alya shot back. In more than one way. Marinette had no idea. 

Alya: 

I can’t. Nino and I have plans. 

Not true yet, but she would make it true. 

Plus! You and your girl need to talk things out. I wouldn’t want to get in the way. 

Adrien: 

She’s not my girl. 

Alya laughed. Adrien had no idea either. 

…

Nino came into his room to find it already occupied. Alya hanging off the side of his bed upside down, her hair just brushing the floor, scrolling through her phone. 

“Hey!” he said with surprise. “Two nights in a row? How did I get so lucky?” 

She grinned at him, reaching for him. “I needed to not be available tonight, and you’re the best excuse.” 

“I see how it is,” he said, sitting down on the floor next to her. She didn’t respond, immediately reabsorbed by whatever she was reading on her phone. He smiled at her fondly. He loved it when she got super into something. 

He watched her eyes flick back and forth as she read, only slightly worried that she was still hanging upside down. 

“What are you reading?” he finally asked. 

“Did you know you need to go to university and grad school to become a family therapist?” she replied absently. 

Huh? 

“Since when were you interested in therapy?” he asked. 

She rolled onto the floor, finally flipping upright. “Oh, I’m definitely not. Just trying to figure out how in over my head I am.” 

His eyebrows rose. “And how bad is it?” 

She pocketed her phone, and rested her head on his shoulder. “Oh, I think I’m completely screwed.” 

He frowned. “This still about Adrien and Marinette?”

She stiffened in his arms. 

“Babe?” he prompted again. 

She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have said anything yesterday. I can’t really talk about it.” 

“You can’t talk about Adrien with me?” he repeated. Like sure, Alya had always kept Marinette’s secrets, and that made sense to him. But Adrien was his best bro. Surely, Adrien hadn’t told Alya anything he hadn’t already told Nino right? 

Her silence was deafening.

Unless he had. 

Nino tried not to feel hurt. Adrien absolutely didn’t have to tell Nino everything, and he was allowed to confide in others, too. It’s just… he didn’t even know Adrien and Alya were that close. 

He pulled his knees to his chest. Nino had always had friends, but never close ones. 

Alya put a hand on his knee. “Hey, look at me.”

His gaze flicked to her honey-brown eyes that seemed to see straight through him. 

“Nino, I swear it’s not like that. He didn’t tell me anything. I may have… accidentally learned something about him that he’s… not ready to share.” 

Nino’s mind whirled with the possibilities.

But he knew he couldn’t ask if Adrien wasn’t ready to share. And if Adrien was in some queer closet or another, Nino would wait forever and a day for Adrien to be ready to tell him. But if it was something else. Like, if Adrien was being abused or had been hurt, would he ever tell anyone? 

“He’s… he’s not being hurt is he?” 

Her face transformed into absolute confusion and he could breathe again. So, that wasn’t it. 

“Is that something you worry about a lot?” She asked softly. 

Nino barked a laugh. “With the way his old man  is? All the time! And he’s also a 16-year-old celebrity who somehow doesn’t know how to say no.” 

“He knows how to say no.” 

Nino shook his head in disagreement. “Maybe sometimes, when he needs to for someone else’s benefit, but never for himself.” 

Alya’s lips pressed together. 

“And he lies sometimes about where he is, and like, what teenager doesn’t? But he lies to me and to you and it doesn’t make sense. What if he’s covering for someone?” 

“He’s lucky to have a friend like you,” Alya said. 

He smiled. For him, it was the other way around. Adrien was the first person who didn’t fade away as Adrien got to know him better. The first person who didn’t find him too weird and awkward. 

He looked up at her. “You promise he’s good?” 

Alya squeezed his knee and smiled. “I promise he’s good.”

Nino cleared his throat. “Well, thank you, then.” 

Alya’s eyes furrowed. “You’re thanking me? For what?” 

“Yeah, thank you for being there for him. He’s never had a lot of people he can rely on or trust. And I’m just glad that if something came out it was someone like you that he could lean on. Like, it’s not me, you’re definitely my second pick.” 

“Aww, babe!” Alya cooed, kissing the side of his face, and then his lips when he turned his head towards her.

“So umm… does my maman know that you’re here?” he asked. 

She winced. “No, I came in through the window.”

He pulled the Fox miraculous out from under her shirt. “You’re wearing your miraculous full-time now?” 

She pulled away from him. “Umm… no, I had it last night for a special mission for Ladybug, and she didn’t have time to retrieve it afterwards.” 

She was being incredibly vague, but he knew better than to press for superhero details. 

“That’s seriously no fair!” he complained instead. 

She laughed before kissing him again. “I suspect powers of deceit and illusion are more useful for reconnaissance than giant glow in the dark shields.”

She had a point he supposed. He still would love to transform whenever and run around Paris’s skyline, or even just hangout with Wayzz.

He sighed. 

Ah well. He knew miraculouses weren’t toys. 

“Still, it would have been cool if we could go out together just for fun.”

Her head fell back to his shoulder. “It would have been the coolest.” 

…

[spinningbuster98]

I sometimes see people give Samus Returns and Dread shit for being too action oriented than actual Metroid games, as they’re too linear and rely too heavily on their combat mechanics.

And to be fair, that is a legitimate criticism to make, but that’s not my issue. What bothers me is that I often see said people then turn around and say “unlike past games”, which usually includes Fusion and....

shouldn’t Fusion be the first game to be thrown into the garbage bin in that case?

I love Fusion don’t get me wrong, and it’s entirely possible to like it over Dread or viceversa as they’re certainly not the same, but Dread absolutely takes plenty of design elements from the game, to the point that most of the things people complain about with Dread originated from that game

A more linear structure that aggressively funnels you in a direction, preventing backtracking by blocking the path you used to get into a room? Check

A gimped wall jump? Check

A strict order you have to get items in? Well Dread actually allows for some sequence breaking here and there so that’s actually a point in its favor

A greater emphasis on action elements to supplement the more limited exploration? Surprisingly also check!

Because yes, the greater focus on action over sheer exploration is not something that started when Mercurysteam came on board, it’s not something that started with Other M, it started all the way back in Fusion

Just think about Samus’ movement and how it’s used

In Super Metroid Samus is very floaty, and has a run button allowing you to have greater control over your speed and momentum when jumping. This, alongside stuff like the wall jump, allowed you to traverse the world in unique and inventive ways. On the flipside her rate of fire is very low, even lower than previous games’, her movement isn’t very snappy, you have to cycle through items with a button etc

Fighting enemies in SM is usually a non-event, most of them can be dispatched in a shot or two and don’t require much effort. Bosses can be irritating because Samus’ floatiness, while great for world traversal, is not ideal for dodging attacks, meaning that boss fights usually amount to little more than wars of attrition: you can’t dodge reliably often and so have to tank hits and hope the boss dies before you do. Phantoon is my favorite example

In general Super’s movement is very exploration-centric, but not ideal for combat

Fusion is the opposite

You have one static speed and the floatiness is gone, along with the infinite wall jump and all sequence breaking tools, meaning that, for thye most part, the exploratory aspects of Samus’ movement have been stripped down

On the other hand she is much easier to control, her movement is far snappier, you don’t have to cycle through items, Super Missiles replace normal ones, your Charge Beam is not only more powerful but also charges faster, your rate of fire is far faster etc

And you know how Fusion uses this new movement style?

By placing a greater emphasis on fighting enemies

While in Super enemies were generally a bother, in Fusion enemies are more aggressive, they take more hits, there are more enemies that need to be dispatched with missiles, and they hurt way more. If you approach enemies in Fusion the way you did in Super you will die. But it’s no biggie, because Fusion’s snappier movement allows you to attack enemies and dodge them much more reliably. This is particularily noticable with bosses. You can’t just tank hits here, you gotta memorize attacks and dodge them and know when and how to go on the offensive, you can’t fight Yakuza and BOX round 2 the same way you did Phantoon or Draygon. Bosses hit harder, have more attacks, even more phases often, and there are more of them in general!

Essentially Fusion’s movement sacrifices exploratory elements in favor of making the game’s action flow much better, and the game knows this because it ramps up said action when compared to the previous game

Yeah sure Fusion may not have a counter mechanic or cool cinematics to show you how badass Samus is, but the general gameplay loop of mostly following a linear path the game lays out for you while fighting tough enemies that require you to stay on your toes is fundementally the same, it’s just more explicit in games like Dread (hell even Prime 3 did more or less the same thing)

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: Ikari Gozen

Directory | Desperada

Everybody sighed in relief as classes for the day finally ended, and everyone stretched out as they put their stuff back into their backpacks and bags.

And, of course, the talk of the day was the 'Friendship Day' the city was organizing on the weekend, for people to enjoy time with their friends at cafes, shops, and other entertainment options.

“Hey, mec, got plans for 'Friendship Day'?” Nino asked Adrien, who gave a strange smile.

“Actually, I'm the 'Hidden Celebrity' for KIDZ+'s hunt,” he admitted, and Nino gave a jerk of surprise.

“Whoa!” That meant he'd likely be stuck somewhere while waiting for the contest to end.

“I don't mind!” Adrien added, still smiling. “I like meeting fans!”

Behind his back, his friends began to think.

Adrien's the prize?

Then a terrible idea came to mind.

What if the winner is a crazy fan?! Or a creepy old person?!

The mere idea that their friend could be in danger made them sweat in horror. And they all reached the same conclusion.

One of us has to win the game!

----

Ondine smiled as she read the message she had just received.

“Kagami, did you get Marinette's message about the KIDZ+ Buddy Game?”

“Yes,” her friend declared, as she pressed on her smartphone's screen. “And now it's deleted.”

“Wuh–?! Why?!” Ondine asked, shocked.

“My mother goes through my phone,” Kagami said, as if it were normal, and Ondine felt angry on her best (female) friend's behalf. “So I delete messages and don't save any contacts.”

“Huh? How are you able to text me without my number?” she asked again, and Kagami gave a small, bright smile.

“I've memorized it. And Marinette's. And Adrien's and Alya's and Kim's and --”

“Wow!” She doubted she could memorize more than her family's and Kim's numbers, and here Kagami was doing that with everyone she knew!

----

“Okay, Buddies!” Aurore announced as the countdown began. “When Adrien pushes this button, you'll get your first riddle!”

“This will lead you to your buddy!” Mireille continued, holding the large tablet with the image of a button. “From there you'll solve more riddles that'll lead you to Adrien!”

“I'll be waiting for the winners!” Adrien said, as the studio began the final countdown.

“3, 2, 1, GO!”

And Adrien pressed the button.

----

“'I'm the highest heart of the city',” Alya read, grinning. “Ah, the Sacre-Cœur! See ya!”

----

“'Where animals live next to dinosaurs,'” Rose read, smiling as she came with the solution. “Oh, the zoo by the paleontology museum! Fun!”

----

“'Once home of royalty, now home of art',” Alix read, smirking and pumping a fist. Seriously, the clue was aimed at what was pretty much her home! “The Louvre! Easy!”

----

“'With one turn of a handle I can raise the level'?” Marinette read, grimacing at the apparent nonsense she had been sent. “What's with this difficulty spike?!”

----

Kagami jumped back as her mother's bokken came too close to her face, before she could try to deflect it.

“Too slow! Remember the story of Tomoe Gozen!” her mother screamed. “A female samurai when warrior women were rare and scorned!”

Kagami took off her mask as her mother stepped back, marking the end of the bout.

“As elusive as the wind! As powerful as the flood! As swift as lightning!”

Ugh, this story again, she thought. Her mother wasn't much of a talker, but she loved to tell the tale of Tomoe Gozen. No matter how many times she had said it, she would always do so at least once more. Also, a deeper part of Kagami pondered her mother's hypocrisy in telling her to be like a woman who had gone after the expectations of society while stifling her opportunities to have a normal life.

DING!

Oops, she forgot to turn off her smartphone's warnings.

“What was that.”

And that was why she shouldn't have forgot.

“Um...”

Great, now she had to see how to get away with it.

----

She hadn't got away with it.

“It's for a game, Okaa-san,” she said.

“You don't have permission to play a 'game',” her mother declared, as if that were the end of the discussion.

“Adrien is participating,” Kagami pointed out. Not that it seemed to sway her.

“Hmph,” Tomoe Tsurugi growled. “Then Gabriel is more foolish than I thought, being so permissive.”

Given how much of a... alright, control freak Gabriel Agreste was, that said more about her mother than about the man.

“Regardless, this and that have nothing to do with each other. I forbid you to play.”

That did it. Every time she had wanted to do something for herself, to have what other people would consider normal, she had to hide, escape, lie. Because heaven forbid that Tomoe Tsurugi's daughter was more than a doll for her to play with when she wanted and kept in a box the rest of the time.

Today, she would do it again.

I'm gonna play even harder now! Kagami furiously thought, while her mother remained unaware of what was going to happen.

“Tatsu, to the Grand Palais,” Tomoe ordered. Unbeknownst to the woman, Kagami had recorded her voice. Hopefully, she'd be able to find where she had to go first and have the car lead her there.

----

As pairs of teenagers checked their phones and run around Paris to follow the clues of the Friendship Challenge, a certain someone was looking at them and discarding them.

“Too dumb looking. Too unfashionable. Too ridiculous!” Chloé Bourgeois said aloud, pointing at the different pairs, while Ondine and her friend Freddy looked at her with confusion and a bit of irritation.

“Chloé, what are you doing?” Tikki whispered from the bag.

“I'm looking for a smart-looking pair of 'buddies', duh,” she said. “That way I don't have to do the dirty work of finding Adrien! I'm so smart!”

Tikki raised an eyebrow.

“Why didn't you just sign up to play?” she pointed out.

“My application was denied for some reason,” Chloé pouted, and Tikki rolled her eyes. Right, the prohibition from the bowler hat competition...

----

It had taken a while for her to realize the meeting point was Canal Saint-Martin: one turn of a handle, and the water level would change for the connection between the Seine and the Canal de l'Ourcq. A different turn, and it became drained, which happened at least once per decade, as needed.

The best, though, what who she found at the point.

“Kagami's my buddy, yay!” she cheered, and Kagami replied with a smile.

“I'm glad too.”

Immediately, Marinette moved on to hook an arm around Kagami's and the two began to make their way out, and towards their next target.

“Between the two of us we'll win for sure!” Marinette happily declared.

“Un,” Kagami agreed. “So, the second riddle...”

Marinette pressed the button to declare that she had met her buddy, and got the riddle.

“'To get closer to your goal, you must explore further and deeper',” she read out loud.

“Hm. Further down the banks of the Seine, which is deeper than this canal,” Kagami suggested.

Behind them, out of sight, a girl they both despised was stalking her.

“Target acquired!” Chloé said. As she followed them, Tikki stuck her head out of her hideaway in Chloé's hair.

“Gawd, Chloé, leave Marinette and Kagami alone!” the Kwami chastised her.

“True, they're not smart enough to win,” Chloé answered, demonstrating, for the n-th time, her inability to understand such simple concepts as 'common decency'. “But, like, they might! And that's not fair! Adrihoney already plays with Dupain-Cheng at school and not me! And then he plays with Tsurugi after school and makes no time for me! The only way to make it fair is to make sure they lose!”

“Nooo!” Tikki complained. Once more, she wondered: what had she done to deserve this?! She had saved Joan from the fire, dammit!

----

“Why'd they only give us one pole?” Marinette pondered as she cast the line. She hadn't done this much, but she thought she could do it.

“So... do you prefer to be called by your whole name or a nickname?” Kagami suddenly asked as she looked away.

“Huh? What brought this on?” Marinette asked in a low voice, but she supposed there was nothing to lose in answering. “I don't really have a nickname. Though Alya calls me 'M' sometimes.”

“I see,” Kagami said, uncertain. Marinette, knowing what she did about her buddy, was certain she wasn't sure of how to continue, so she did it for her.

“What about you?”

“No one's ever given me one before,” the fencer admitted, which made Marinette a bit sad on the inside.

“Alya will for sure!” she tried to cheer her up. “Hope you like being 'K'.”

After a couple of seconds of silence, Kagami replied.

“... can I workshop that?”

Marinette smiled widely.

“Is 'Gami' good?”

“Not bad. I'd call you 'Mari-chan', but...”

“Yeah, not in French,” Marinette replied, laughing. It would certainly be awkward to be called 'husband' by her buddy!

----

“What are they doing?” Chloé asked, mystified as she saw the two girls talking.

“Being friends?” Tikki replied, dripping so much sarcasm that she could have probably filled a barrel with it.

----

Chloé had found a box, and was trying to get away with it.

“Hey, look, that's the box!”

Chloé threw the box away and ran.

----

Chloé had moved the box under one table.

“Marinette, I have found the box. It's strange that it was put under this table, though,” Kagami said.

Chloé bit her nails in anger.

----

Chloé had found another box, and quickly went to throw it out of the building.

“This is the box we were meant to find!”

“Good. We're getting closer to our goal!”

Chloé twitched as she realized she had actually helped those two!

Tikki just snickered.

----

“Last step: Trust Challenge. Take a selfie in front of a monument using each other's phone,” Kagami said, as she handed Marinette her phone, “then regroup and take a selfie together. Only then will you get Adrien's location.”

“We're so close!” Marinette replied as she passed her phone to Kagami. Since they were at the Place de la Concorde, there were plenty of monuments to take a selfie with!

“We'll meet back here and win!”

With cellphones exchanged, the two girls rushed to find different monuments to certify the first half of the challenge, and Pollen came out of the bag.

“You did it, My Queen!” the Kwami cheered.

“Almost! Teaming up with Kagami has been a total dream~!”

“DUPAIN-CHENG!”

“AHHH, CHLOÉ! MY NIGHTMARE!”

Great, even now Chloé was out to ruin her life.

“C-Chloé, wha–?!” Marinette asked, but Chloé interrupted.

“You finally got the last clue, right?” the major irritant asked, pointing at Kagami's phone in her hand. Before she could react, Chloé stole it off her hand and began to laugh. “Now I'm going to meet with myyy Adrien!”

“Hey!” she finally reacted, and began to run after her.

Only for a very furious Kagami to intercept the eyesore.

“EEP!”

----

In his lair underneath the Agreste Mansion, Hawkmoth perked up.

“Hm?”

Another potential Akuma?

----

“GIVE IT BACK!” Kagami shouted as she tackled Chloé, but found herself with an ugly sandal on her face.

“NO!” Chloé shrieked as she was tackled from behind by Marinette, grabbing her by the neck. “OH!”

“CHLOÉ!” Marinette shouted as well, grappling with her life's personal demon, when the phone began to ring.

And Chloé picked up.

“Hello~?”

“KAGAMI!” Tomoe Tsurugi's voice shouted from the other side, causing Kagami to let go in shock, allowing Chloé to escape. “WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT HOME!”

“Ohoho! Little Kagami snuck out to play a game?” Chloé laughed, as she ran just ahead of Marinette and Kagami.

“Why are you so fast?!” Marinette complained, which was understandable, given that Chloé was wearing sandals while she and Kagami wore shoes that were better for running, and yet Chloé was staying out of reach.

“SCANDALOUS!” Chloé shrieked, as if she were an American schoolgirl called Ashley.

“GAME?! BUT I FORBADE HER!”

“Uh, I know? That's why I'm telling on her?”

The distraction from that was enough for Marinette to finally tackle Chloé and recover the phone, but the damage had been done already. Still, she had to try to fix it!

“Mme., don't worry, Kagami's with a friend, staying safe–”

“Kagami doesn't have friends!”

Marinette gave the phone a weird look, as she grabbed Chloé's face when she tried to steal the phone again. Either Mme. Tsurugi was willfully ignorant of Kagami's life, or she was another Gabriel Agreste.

Then again, Gabriel Agreste was willfully ignorant of Adrien's life as well...

“Wha–? That's not true,” Marinette replied, but then Kagami gently picked the phone and started to talk.

“Actually, Okaa-san, I do have friends! Lots of friends! Wonderful friends!” she said, her expression turning thunderous as she kept talking. “Friends I chose myself because I'm DONE with you CONTROLLING MY LIFE –!”

“With pleasure, Hawkmoth.”

“UGHHHHHH!”

Heaven's sake, one couldn't even berate their parent for being a control freak without them being akumatized.

----

It was only moments later that the Akuma, a large metal statue-like golem with the same colors as the Tsurugi's car, showed up at the Place de la Concorde.

“Kagami! You disobeyed me!” Yeah, this was Kagami's mother. “You'll never go out again!”

But, as she made to grab her daughter, Kagami dodged – and the red hand grabbed Chloé.

“Wha–hey!”

“Tsk! Missed,” the Akuma said with a gravely voice, but clearly it didn't care who she had grabbed – and opened its mouth wide.

“Ooooooom–”

“EEEEEEE! EW! EW! EW! EW!”

And Chloé disappeared down the gullet of the Akuma.

Kagami and Marinette looked at each other, a bit disgusted about what they had witnessed and also a bit scared at what was going on.

“You won't get away from me, Kagami!”

Yeah, it was time to run.

----

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE BLUETOOTH, THIS IS SO LAME!” Chloé yelled from the (surprisingly) comfortable seat in the 'stomach' of the Akuma.

Tikki rolled her eyes at the priorities of her wielder.

Not to mention you can't transform here without giving away your identity, she thought.

----

Adrien checked his friends' photos on the phone as he waited for the end of the contest. Aurore and Mireille had been updating him on how people were doing (in general – they couldn't tell him who was where), and he knew that the contest would end soon. If he was lucky, it would be at least one of his friends that won. If he was very lucky...

“AKUMA ALERT, AKUMA ALERT,” the loudspeakers announced, and he quickly turned off his cellphone to put it in his pocket. “WE ASK ALL VISITORS TO KINDLY EVACUATE THE PALACE VERY CALMLY.”

“Claws Out,” Adrien said as soon as he was somewhere out of camera sight, transforming into his superhero alter ego.

“REPEAT, PLEASE EVACUATE THE PALACE CALMLY.”

That was what he was doing, evacuating as he calmly whistled on his way out.

He hoped that the Gorilla would evacuate instead of just searching for him...

----

Marigold had been lucky when Kagami suggested splitting up, to divide the Akuma's attention: it had allowed her to sneak away to transform, and then she had tracked Kagami again, so she could protect her.

“I see you two made a new friend for Friendship Day, Honeybee!”

She turned to see Chat Noir, smiling at them both, and Marigold was thankful for the levity, even if it was not the time.

“More like she's jealous of Kagami's friendships!” she replied. “She captured a civilian trying to get her!”

That left Chat Noir worried: civilians being taken hostage by the Akumas was not fun, because you had to be careful when you fought them.

“Would Venom work on an Akuma that big?” Chat Noir asked, worried.

“Probably,” she replied, remembering how it worked on Animan when he turned into a dinosaur, “but then we wouldn't be able to get the hostage out until Scarlet Lady gets here.”

“Hm...”

Given Scarlet's penchant for not showing until the eleventh hour, it was better if they found a way to save the hostage.

“We'll probably need some help,” Chat Noir suggested. “One of us should go and one should stay with Kagami–”

The girl promptly hugged Marigold's arm, leaving both heroes bemused.

“Uh, guess I'll get help then,” Chat Noir said, stunned.

----

Adrien entered the parlor as quick as he could, not forgetting to take his shoes off.

“Hello, Master,” he greeted.

“Adrien! You got away from the competition,” Master Fu noted as he drank from his teacup.

“Heh, yeah,” Adrien agreed. “Anyway Scar's her typical no show.”

“Ah,” Master Fu said, quickly opening the Miraculous Box, having expected this to happen. “Adrien Agreste, pick an ally you can trust, blah, blah, blah, greater good, you've heard it all before.”

Adrien gave a small snort as he checked the options. The Fox and Turtle were out, so was the Snake, and the Mouse – he held hope that Marinette might be able to pick it again at some point – but then he saw one that he realized would be a good fit.

“Wind, water, lightning, perfect!” he exclaimed, picking up the Dragon. Then he looked closer. “Is this too obvious for her?”

Plagg just shrugged.

----

Marigold jumped on top of the chimney while carrying Kagami in her arms, and kept rushing – Ikari Gozen was getting closer, and she needed to buy time until the reinforcemens arrived.

“We just gotta hang in there until Chat Noir gets back (or the off chance Scarlet Lady shows up)!”

Then, she looked down at Kagami... who was smiling a bit too much for someone who was being the target of an Akuma.

“No rush,” the Japanese girl said.

… was that a blush?

----

Chat Noir gracefully landed next to his partners for the day, box secure in his hand, and gave a short bow to them.

“Ladies~” he greeted.

“Chat Noir!” Marigold greeted back. “Have you got something for our friend?”

“You bet!”

“Huh?” Kagami said, clearly confused.

It was time to undo that confusion.

“Kagami Tsurugi, this is the Dragon Miraculous,” he said as he offered the box with the choker. “With it, you'll help me and Marigold save your mother. When we're done, you'll return the Miraculous to me. Can we trust you?”

“Yes,” Kagami replied, gently picking the box from his hand. “I am grateful you recognize me as the perfect candidate.”

“Um...” he mumbled, not quite believing the fact that Kagami was preening. And Marigold seemed to be about to burst out laughing.

----

As she opened the box, she covered her eyes in reflex from the burst of light in front of her.

“Ah–!”

“Greetings, young lady, and good day to you,” a voice that sounded old and wise said. “Fear not, I am Longg, the Dragon Kwami.”

As she looked up, she saw a creature floating in front of her. About the size of her hand, mostly red and black with eight horns around his head, golden eyes, two long whiskers, two spikes on its (her? The voice did sound female) back, and a long tail. It (she?) looked like a dragon of Chinese mythology.

But, still...

“A what?” The term was unfamiliar.

“A kwa-mi,” the creature – Longg – repeated. “Allow me to tell you the many feats that a magic being like myself will help you accomplish by saying 'Longg, Bring the Storm'.”

She picked the choker and carefully put it aoround her neck, feeling it a bit constraining, but then it suddenly fit her just fine. This was magical, right?

“Using the element of your choosing – wind, water, or lightning – you can defeat Ikari Gozen with panache–”

“Uhuh,” she interrupted. She had realized that she could be a superhero like Marigold (and Chat Noir). And also the fact that she could finally get back a bit at her mother without fearing reprisal. So, perhaps one might forgive her for being a tad too enthusiastic about it all. “Longg, Bring the Storm!”

“Wait, I'm not doooo–” Longg said, before he was absorbed into the choker.

Her clothes transformed into a red jumpsuit with black accents, with the most impressive part being the dragon tail image on her torso. She could feel the horns that were now growing on the back of her head, and the half-mask covering everything from her cheeks up, save for her nose. And, as she moved, she felt the sheathe on her lower back, with the pommel in perfect reach of her left hand.

She smiled.

“Looking good!” Chat Noir said, smiling.

“What do we call you?” Marigold asked, and she thought on it. It was the same conversation she had with Marinette earlier, but now it was important. She was a dragon. A dragon's name had to evoke power.

Well, if the kwami's name sounded like the word for dragon in Chinese... why couldn't she do the same?

“Let's go with Ryūko,” she said. And, somehow, it felt like the name just fit her.

----

Happy that Kagami (or, rather, Ryūko) was good and fit with her new circumstances, Marigold decided to check at the other side of the wall, to see if she could find either the Akuma or some idea of how to deal with it.

“Still no sign of Scar,” Chat Noir commented.

“'Scar'?” Ryūko asked, shocked. “You call your leader Scar?”

“Gross, Scar's not the leader. She's a mascot at best.”

There was no one on the street, thankfully, but then a sign caught her attention. A cosmetics shop, one she had gone to a couple of times, was having a sale on bath bombs.

Ryūko should be able to do something with water, right?

That was it!

“Guys, I have a plan!” she announced. “I need you to distract Ikari Gozen!”

“HEHEHEH!”

Turning to her left, she saw Ryūko sporting a very unusual face, the kind that came out in slasher movies. A bit like her own, too.

“Eager, aren't you?”

----

Ryūko quickly ran towards Ikari Gozen, with her sword at the ready, followed by Chat Noir, while Marigold went to get the supplies they would need to succeed.

Then she was there, next to the Akuma, and she attacked, using all the skills she had learned in the art of fighting, but Ikari Gozen, in spite of her size, was agile enough to parry and attempt to counter, which was no easy feat: her mother's akumatization was clearly not impeding her own skills.

But it was enough to keep her distracted from Marigold, and she knew it. But, still, she had questions to make.

“You push Kagami to be strong willed yet shelter her from having friends?” she asked, laying bare her mother's hypocrisy.

“You know nothing! She doesn't need friends!” Ikari Gozen shouted as she slashed the air. “Friends only betray you, abandon you! Like mine did when I went blind!

She gasped. Given how her mother behaved, she had supposed she simply didn't want to have friends... but to learn that she had been left behind?

“STOP HAVING YOUR SOAP OPERA MOMENT AND GET ME OUT!”

Oh, right, the hostage. As irritating as Bourgeois was, they still had to rescue her.

“Ryūko! Now!”

Perfect! Now it was time to trick the Akuma! She jumped up and prepared her sword for a slash.

“You should have faith in your daughter to have her choices!” she shouted, and as expected, Ikari Gozen grabbed her.

“I've had enough of your opinions!” the Akuma shouted, and she closed her eyes. This was not going to be pretty. “OOOOOOOOM–”

And down the gullet she went... into something that resembled her mother's town car. Well, at least she knew what had happened.

“Hahaha!” Bourgeois laughed. “What a loser, getting caught–”

As if to mock the other girl for her hypocrisy, the box Marigold had procured entered and fell on top of Bourgeois' head.

“OW!”

“Heh,” she chuckled as she moved to grab the box.

“Bath bombs?” Bourgeois asked as she saw the box's contents.

“You're going to want to hold your breath,” Ryūko warned.

“What–?”

“Water Dragon!”

“Hey, wai–!”

This was not going to be pretty either.

----

Suddenly, Chat Noir and Marigold saw water and soap suds coming out from the seams that formed Ikari Gozen's armor, and Ikari Gozen's face twisted to a form that looked like something had really not sat well in her stomach.

“Ugh, urgh,” she mumbled, “I'm going to–”

The two averted their eyes just in time.

“BLARGH!”

Yikes. Even if they knew it was just Ryūko in water form with the result of the bath bombs, it was still disgusting.

“WAAAAAH! I HATE YOU, PUKE-KO!”

Well, at least Chloé was out of there. Marigold felt sorrier for Ryūko, who had had to share space with her, but she paid no mind as her classmate ran out of the way. With the Akuma incapacitated by her stomach's sudden rebellion, she summoned her power.

“Venom!”

One touch, and the Akuma was finally paralyzed.

But the fight wasn't done yet.

“We can't release her without the Ladybug,” Chat Noir said, and Ryūko growled in annoyance.

“Where is Scarlet Lady?!”

Someone landed next to them, and they saw it was the devil in red with black polka dots. She was drenched in water and smelling like bath bombs. She had likely been in the bath or something when the call got out.

“Worry not, my poor, lost sidekicks, I have arrived–”

He would rather save himself all the irritation of hearing Scar speaking, and quickly jumped to push her ahead, while the angered Dragon Heroine pulled from her arm.

“Hurry up, we need the Cure!” he shouted.

“HEY!” Scar shouted.

Nobody cared.

----

One Miraculous Cure later, Ryūko approached her mother, who was recovering now from her akumatization, and holding onto the car she had fused with.

“What happened to me? Where's Kagami?” she asked, and Ryūko smiled a bit. While the woman didn't show it much... perhaps she did love her daughter? She put her arms over the one holding her cane.

“Your daughter is safe, Madame. She'll be here soon,” she told her, and her mother nodded in quiet thanks. She turned towards her heroes, who were holding a fist in the air, with a space left for her.

She smiled wider. She had seen the duo doing this after defeating Akumas... and they were willing to allow her to join them. She held her fist next to theirs.

“BIEN JOUÉ!” they shouted in unison.

“Rest assured, everyone, I got Chloé Bourgeois to safety~”

“Who are you?” Tomoe Tsurugi asked, showing that, much like the rest of the world, nobody cared about Scarlet Lady.

----

With everything fixed and back into place, Ryūko followed Chat Noir to a secluded place, where she undid the transformation and took off the choker.

“Excellent work!” Chat Noir praised her, and she nodded.

“Well, you gave me the Miraculous with a sword,” Kagami replied. “It was practically made for me.”

Longg floated around before stopping, giving her back to Kagami.

“Such rudeness to cut me off when I'm speaking!” the Dragon Kwami declared. “There's wisdom in patience, you know! Youths these days.”

“M–My apologies,” Kagami said, bowing respectfully to the divine being. “Please forgive me, Kami-sama.”

Longg perked up, and quickly turned around to begin patting Kagami in the head, which she took with a smile.

“There is also wisdom in admitting fault, so this Dragon God will forgive you,” Longg replied.

Chat Noir just rolled his eyes.

----

The car was exactly where it had reappeared after the fight, and Kagami knew that it was because her mother was waiting for her. And, as she approached, she saw her, sitting in her usual place, looking as stern as always.

“Okaa-san, I'm sorry I wasn't truthful. But I'm not sorry for making friends,” she said.

“Friends can be disappointing–”

“I know,” she interrupted. “Maybe these friendships won't last forever. But I know I won't regret making the choices I did. Because you taught me to never second guess myself.”

“'GAMI!!”

Before she could react, her buddy had jumped on her back, put legs around her waist, and hugged her like a koala hugging an eucaliptus.

“M–Marinette!” she shouted in shock.

“I'm so glad you're safe!” Marinette replied, before she turned to look at the car. “Oh, hello, Madame!”

She heard her mother sigh.

“Be home by dinner,” Tomoe Tsurugi said, and the car door gently closed before the car drove away towards her home.

----

In the time they had spent dealing with the Akuma, the two of them got a message warning that the contest had ended. Kagami received a message, and semi-dragged Marinette to meet two of her school friends.

“Hey guys!” Ondine greeted with a wave and a smile. Next to her was a girl with two large ribbon-infused hairbuns, heart-shaped earrings and plaster over her nose. “This is Freddy!”

“Hey,” the other girl said, and Marinette saluted with a smile.

“I'm glad you avoided the Akuma,” Kagami said, and their phones vibrated.

“Looks like we lost,” Freddy said, seeing Adrien in the photo accompanied by the two winners, Aurore, Mireille, and his bodyguard (who was giving Aurore bunny ears).

“Oh, that's Alya!” Marinette said, happily. The other winner was a boy she didn't know, but he appeared to be nice, so she considered that a success. “Mission: stop a total weirdo creep from meeting Adrien,”

“ACCOMPLISHED!” she said along with Kagami.

“You guys know the game has an age limite, right?” Freddy pointed out.

“EH?”

----

That night, Paris' two heroes went on their usual night patrols, and they were now sitting in one of their favorite spots, which had a great view of the Eiffel Tower.

And now, their discussion had turned to their newest temporary partner.

“The Dragon's powers are really cool!” Chat Noir said.

“Yeah! Can you believe you can use three powers before the timer starts?!” Marigold replied.

“I call hax! How is that fair?! Imagine three shots of Venom!”

“Or three times the Cataclysm.” Marigold leaned back. “Well, technically the Ladybug has two powers – Lucky Charm and the Miracle Cure. It's just easy to forget since one leads into the other.”

Silence fell around them, as they considered the implications.

“You think maybe we have multiple powers?” Chat Noir asked.

“Maybe we should ask Master Fu...”

----

Crocoduel

@zoe-oneesama:

* Tomoe Tsurugi: You must be like the woman who ignored society's rules and her father's demands to become an independent warrior!

* Also Tomoe Tsurugi: How dare you ignore society's rules and MY demands and attempt to become an independent person!

Seriously, hypocrisy knows no bounds.

That's 466 pages, 186142 words, 1003366 characters

[chemoelectric]

Originally posted to Facebook, and unaltered from that text:

----------

The 2022 Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded for what is commonly regarded as "confirmation of quantum physics" but this is muddleheaded nonsense. What it actually was awarded for is what is considered by physicists proof that no mathematics except quantum mechanics can derive the correlation coefficient of the following experiment. You have to have a clear head to see that this is the actual claim, but it assuredly and inarguably is.

Here is the experiment, and I will derive its correlation without using quantum mechanics. I am not sure anyone knew how to do this before I did, and it took me about 20 years to find.

A light source emits two photons left and right, randomly with one polarized vertically and the other horizontally. Each photon goes through a polarizing beam splitter, whose two output channels +1 and -1 are finished by photodetectors. The left PBS has angle a', the right PBS has angle b'.

There is a law of physics called the Law of Malus, where the accent is on the u in Malus. When applied to a horizontal photon in a polarizing beam splitter with angle a', it says the photon will go through the +1 channel with probability cos² a', the -1 channel with probability sin² a'. Similarly if the angle is b'. If the photon is vertical, the cos and sin are reversed. (I am leaving out all other possible angles. The full Law also accounts for them.)

This is not the traditional statement of the Law of Malus, but is what we want. When you are using quantum mechanics, the rules are written funky and probably are not called the Law of Malus, but are an obfuscated way of saying what we just said.

By a lot of tedious but routine probability theory that I will skip here, but which you can find for instance in my "How to Entangle Craytons" at https://crudfactory.com, you get that the probability of +1 detection on both sides is the same as the probability of -1 detection on both sides, and equals (1/2) sin² a' cos² b' + (1/2) cos² a' sin² b'. The probability of of +1 detection on only one side is (1/2) sin² a' sin² b' + (1/2) cos² a' cos² b'. Call the probabilities in obvious ways P++, P--, P+-, P-+. Then I can get the correlation as follows:

corr = (+1)(+1)(P++) + (-1)(-1)(P--) + (+1)(-1)(P+-) + (-1)(+1)(P-+)

= -cos 2a' cos 2b'

where I have used a double angle identity you can find in the Handbook of Mathematical Sciences, etc.

Here is where I do something that has evaded the mental capacities of Nobel Prize winning physicists.

Let it be noted that we already know that the supposedly "quantum" correlation for an experiment with PBS angles a and b is -cos 2(a - b). One thing I have never seen physicists point out about this expression, despite the bleeding obviousness once pointed out, is its invariance under in-unison rotation of the angles a and b. What this means is that you can ALWAYS rotate the problem so that one of the angles is zero, without changing the result.

This is simple mathematics. But physicists are not taught actual mathematics. They are taught a kind of pseudo-mathematics not based on theorems, proofs, or thorough reasoning.

Let us set b' = 0 and let a' = a - b, for any PBS angles a and b. In other words, we simply rotate the problem by -b to convert it to an already-solved problem for a' = anything, b' = 0. We have thus derived the correlation, without using quantum mechanics:

corr = -cos 2(a - b)

The 2022 Nobel Prize in Physics is a load of hogwash. There is no such thing as "particle entanglement", there is no such thing as "quantum non-locality", there is no "confirmation of quantum physics", and there is no such thing as a "quantum" computer.

But I have more general proofs of the matter than that, which do not even require mathematical expressions.

What I have done here is show with that Einstein was wrong that statistical mechanics was what underlay the type of experiment described. It is actually just ordinary pinball-like mechanics! Einstein never wavered in believing there was no distinct "quantum" physics, and was ostracized for it. But he was right.

But I have gone beyond that and come up with meta-mathematical arguments that are of different kind entirely. Those are for a separate rage.

A late postscript:

This derivation may be a little confusing, because why does b' have to be set to zero? Clauser inequalities treat b' as nonzero, but obviously, from the derivation above, this is wrong.

Here is an explanation—

If you do NOT set b' to zero, how can you distinguish which particle each angle apples to? You cannot. You are actually solving the wrong problem.

This is what Clauser inequalities do—they solve the wrong problem.

With b' set to zero and symmetry of cos, we solve the right problem.

Really it would be better to note the difficulty at the beginning and set b' to zero right away. Going through the motions above, however, helps illustrate where physicists err by NOT setting b' to zero, when they try to derive "classical" solutions and get incorrect results.

(That their results were incorrect should have been obvious, because any result different from that of quantum mechanics MUST have been derived incorrectly. All math methods must reach the same conclusion, or math is inconsistent. But that is for another rage.)