#HELL YEAH TIME TO SPEND 5+ MONTHS PUTTING TOGETHER A 3+ HOUR VIDEO

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

tbh i think the funniest phenomena that's been happening in the last couple years is "youtuber, having gone too deep into the research hole, has been made an investigative journalist against their will"

[hockey-hoe-24-7]

4 times you were a tease + 1 time he didn’t let you get away with it, feat. Frederik Andersen

Warnings: Smut, Edging, Teasing, Light bondage, Dom Freddie, Didn’t really spell check, the end is rushed cause I was over it. So this kind of sucks.

Length: 4.0k

You wouldn’t actually call yourself a tease. It wasn’t, like, a personality trait. But you would admit that you loved teasing your boyfriend. 

Starting goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs, Frederik Andersen was the quintessential strong silent type, known for his calming presence in the net and out of it. The rare moments he did let his temper show, it was a shock to most. As his girlfriend, you had witnessed that temper than most others, but not often. He had confided in you that it had taken him a long time to reign in his anger and you respected that, were proud of him for it. 

The place you really wanted him to let go, though, was in the bedroom. You had only been dating for 6 months, sleeping together for 5 and you could tell he was holding back sexually. Whether it be his size or for fear of hurting or scaring you in some way, you weren’t sure. The sex was absolutely amazing...but there was something missing. 

You planned on addressing that.

I.

“Babe, are you ready?��� Freddie’s voice echoed through the hallways of his apartment to where you stood in his master bathroom, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. 

“Yeah, can you come help me for a second?” You called back. You hear his heavy footsteps on the wood floors before he appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, looking fan-fucking-tastic in a navy blue suit. His eyebrows popped when he saw you standing at the mirror in only a black lace bra and a matching thong, hair and makeup done to the nines. 

Uncapping a tube of deep red lipstick, you took your time applying it, very aware that he was watching your every move with rapt attention. He had always loved your mouth. After a very drawn out lipstick application, you capped it, set it down on the marble counter, and reached for your dress hanging on the door in a dry cleaner bag. 

You made a point of ignoring Freddie as he continued to watch all your movements. You bent over, brushing your hair casually over your shoulder to give him an unobstructed view of your cleavage.  You caught him shifting out of the corner of your eye, his arms crossing over his chest and his body leaning against the doorframe. 

You slowly pulled the dress up your legs, letting him enjoy the show...and so you wouldn’t tear it because it was a very expensive dress and you happened to really like it. 

When you got to your hips, you shimmied a bit and you saw him twitch, as if he only just restrained himself from moving toward you.  Once you had the dress over your hips, you raised your head and looked at him innocently. 

“Help me with the zipper?” With that, you turned your back on him and waited, subtly watching him in the mirror. His face was serious as he stepped forward and slowly moved to stand behind you, the heat of him flush against the bare skin of your back. Instead of going straight to the zipper of your dress, his hands settled at your bares shoulders and wandered slowly down your spine before cradling your hips. You shuddered and heard his inhale sharply before he pulled you back against his chest and buried his face in your neck, laying a hot open mouthed kiss to your throat. Groaning, your eyes fluttered shut and you let your head fall to the side for him. 

When you felt his fingers inch under the waistband of your thong, your eyes snapped open and you stepped out of his grip. Looking over your shoulder, you almost laughed aloud at his surprised expression. “Zipper.” His beautiful face fell into a pout, but he did as instructed, leaving one chaste kiss on your exposed shoulder. With that, you brushed past him and made for the door, not even sparing him a glance as he mumbled something in Danish and skulked after you.

II.

The charity event had been a blast for many reasons. It was always fun to hang out with the other players and their SOs. 

You also had ample chance to tease your boyfriend. 

Light touches throughout the evening, leaning back against him when talking to other people, pressing your chest flush to his when you needed to pass by him. Like all the other players, he was expected to be social tonight so he couldn’t just drag you to the bathroom and fuck you, but you could tell he was beginning to lose patience. 

Unfortunately, before he could take you home and fuck the hell out of you, the two of you were invited out for a teammate’s birthday and ended up staying out until nearly 3:30 am. Both of you had been too exhausted to do much of anything when you got home. You had barely gotten your dress and makeup off before passing out. 

Now, the next day, you woke up by yourself, the bed noticeably colder without Freddie next to you. Patting around the bed, you eventually found your phone and checked the time. 11:15 am. Damn. You had really slept in. You were meeting your mom for lunch and shopping at 12. That worked out perfectly. 

Making quick work of a shower, make up and changing into something clean, you sauntered out to find your boyfriend sitting on the couch, playing video games. 

Walking up behind him, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and nuzzled your face into his neck, savoring the warmth and familiar smell of him. You wish you had woken up sooner so you could stay exactly like this for a few more hours. 

“Morning, min elskede,” he rumbled, turning to press a kiss to your temple. “Heading out soon?” You made a sound of confirmation against the fabric of his hoodie. Pulling your head up to rest your chin on his shoulder, you watched him play for a few seconds. “Can they hear me?” You asked. “Yeah,” he answered distractedly. He wasn’t particularly good at video games, but he was getting better. 

Pressing your face back into his neck, you let your lips only just graze the dribbled skin there. He inhaled sharply and went rigid. His hands stilling on the controller. “Think you can stay quiet?” You murmured against the shell of his ear. He didn’t answer so you moved your hands down the broad width of his chest until you reached the band of his sweatpants. Hesitating a long second, you reached down - not very easily because he was so damn tall - and palmed his cock. He let out a streak of curses and instinctively bucked his hips against your grip. You reminded him that you had an audience with a “ssshhhhh” against the shell of his ear. You felt his jaw tense against the side of your head as you let your fingers slowly massage his cock, which was growing harder and harder against your hand. When you loosened your grip, his own hand slapped over yours, forcing your fingers to tighten. You nipped his ear in retaliation and he sucked in another right breath, his hips jackknifing nearly off the couch.

Just as quick as you had started, you pulled away. “Shit, I’m late.” Which wasn’t actually a lie. Freddie looked at you furiously and you thought you had him this time. He certainly looked like he was ready to pull you over the couch and fuck you raw.  But much to your chagrin, he took a deep breath and looked away, his body still pulled right with anticipation.

Dammit. The cool,calm and collected had won again.

“Have fun,” he all but snarled at you. “Tell your mom hello.” Ignoring the pang of irritation, you kissed the top of his head and snatched up your purse. 

III.

You ended up spending the entire day with your mom, grabbing lunch, walking up and down the streets of Toronto, stopping into different shops, etc. You had a dinner tonight with Freddie and some other couples on the team, so you stopped by your own apartment to get ready. You were already pushing it with the time so you told Freddie to come pick you up instead of going to his place first.

An hour later, there was a rapping at your door. Giving yourself a final once over in the mirror, you opened the door to see Freddie looking as gorgeous as ever in another well tailored suit. He went completely still as he took you in. Whereas the dress you had worn to the charity event had been elegant and sexy in an understated way, this dress was more of a smack-you-in-the-face, grab-you-by-the-dick kind of sexy. Short and figuring hugging, it fit you like a second skin and made you feel like a goddess.

“Ready?” You asked nonchalantly. As you made to brush past him, his hand was suddenly at your elbow and he was hauling you back until your body met the open door. You grunted in surprise, but it was short lived as Freddie pressed his body against yours, dwarfing you even in your four inch heels. Hands framing your head, he pressed you back until you had to crane your neck to meet his gaze.

“I know what you’re doing,” he growled down at you. You could barely hold in your gasp as he pushed his knee up between your legs, the fabric of his dress pants coarse against the bare skin of your thighs. “And you need to watch it, little girl. It won’t end well for you.” A burst of heat in your belly and you were immediately wet.

You could have given in, let him have you right there in the hallway of your apartment building, let him release all that isn’t up frustration you knew he was keeping from you. You could feel it like like a pulse beneath his skin and a deep part of you screamed out for it. Instead, you mustered every ounce of willpower you had to rise onto your tiptoes and murmur against his lips, “I have no idea what you are talking about.” A soft peck and you were wiggling out of his grip and sauntering down the hallway, an extra swing in your hips.

IV.

The entire car ride to the restaurant, Freddie had his hand dangerously high on your thigh, his fingers nearly wrapping completely around your leg. You always loved his hands. Whether they were holding your hands, holding your leg, or holding your throat, you loved them. Now, you let your fingers toy with his, an absentminded display of intimacy you had both grown to enjoy.

When you reached the restaurant, Freddie rounded the car to open the door for you and help you out. You in made sure he got a nice view of your legs as you took your time stepping out of the car. Aware that people were staring, he kept an arm tight around your waist as he ushered you into the restaurant and toward the table the other couples were already seated at. It was Mitch who let out a good hearted wolf whistle and Steph who pinched him, even though she was smiling too. She stood up to greet you, arms open. “Damn, Y/N, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were single in that dress.” You laughed and embraced her.

The dinner was delicious, as usual, and the wine was making you all warm and fuzzy inside. As planned, Freddie couldn’t keep his hands off of you all night, from wrapping his arm around your shoulders to stroking his hand up and down your leg. After an hour or so, you excused yourself to use the restroom. Seeing the bathroom hallway and the women’s bathroom were empty, you took out your phone and furiously texted your boyfriend to meet you ASAP. He was at your side in less than 15 seconds, looking so concerned you almost felt bad for what you we’re about to do. Almost. 

“Y/N, what’s—“

Grabbing him by the front of his jacket, you dragged him into the women’s bathroom, shoving him up against the door once it was closed. Standing as far as you could on your tiptoes, you threw your arms around his neck and crushed your mouth onto his. It took him no time to respond instinctively, his mouth slanting over yours and his hands clapping over your hips. He lifted you like you weighed nothing and you wrapped your legs tight around his hips. He crossed the small bathroom in three long strides until he could set you on the sink counter. His hands thrust into your hair, moving your head to suit his needs. You bit his bottom lip and he groaned deep in reply, giving your hair a sharp yank. Tightening your grip around his neck, you pulled until he palmed your ass and pulled you closer to the edge of the sink, bending your body back and against his own until you could feel every taut muscle in his chest. One large hand was then running down your thigh and back up beneath your dress. You gasped into his mouth when we pushed two fingers slowly inside of you. He bit hard on your bottom lip, as if reminding you to not stop kissing him.  Just as you were slipping your hands under his shirt, a loud burst of male laughter from the hallway startled you both. Freddie leapt always from you, struggling to catch his breath, his cock straining against his dress pants. You put a hand to your chest, trying to catch your own breath. 

You didn’t blame him for his reaction. He had a reputation to uphold here. One that didn’t include breaking a sink while fucking his girlfriend in the bathroom of an upscale restaurant. As you straightened your hair, he was suddenly on top of you again, clenching your chin in his hand and forcing your head back to meet his gaze. “We’re finishing this tonight.” An order. You took a deep breath. “You know I’m meeting some out of town friends after this. I haven’t see them in 5 months.” Freddie’s expression was murderous and, for a small moment, you wondered if you had gone too far. But then he was leaning forward until you were nearly nose to nose. "You are going to pay for this." And then he was turning around and stalking out of the bathroom, nearly breaking the door in half. You gave yourself a few more seconds to compose yourself before following him back to the table.

V.

You ended up staying out until 3 am with your out of town friends and crashing at the apartment on an in town friend,having gotten too drunk to navigate your route home. You had shot Freddie a quick text explaining the situation and gotten a simple “ok” in response. Not abnormal for him. But you could practically feel his frustration through the phone. Good.

When you did finally make your way back to his apartment around 9 am the next morning, it was to hear the shower going in his room.  Shedding your own clothes, you took a long moment to admire the view of him standing beneath the shower head, rivulets of water running across the plains of his skin, the crevices of his muscles. You could stare at him for hours, but you were beginning to shiver. Knocking on the glass door to alert him to your presence, your heart twittered when he smiled softly and stepped back to make room for you. Stepping beneath the spray, you shivered as your body adjusted to the new temperature. The two of you showered in a comfortable silence and you found yourself being done before he was. He was definitely more of a leisurely showerer when he was at home.

Before you stepped out of the shower, you pushed yourself as far up on your tiptoes as you could go and placed a long, wet kiss to the strong column of his throat. He groaned and let his head fall back, his hands skimming down your sides to your hips. As he began to pull you tighter into him, you stepped out of his grip. Looking up at him, you almost laughed at his expression. 

“I’m all done.” A kiss to the center of his chest and you were stepping out of the shower, grabbing a towel and heading back to the bedroom. You hadn’t even stepped into the bedroom before you heard the shower turn off and Fred’s feet hitting the marble floor. You squealed in surprise when he latched a hand over your wrist and pulled you back into his chest. You hit it with a thud and didn’t even have time to recover before he was slamming his mouth on yours in a punishing kiss. You groaned and clutched at his shoulders. You squealed again when he plucked you up off the ground, you legs wrapping tight around his hips, one arm holding you to him effortlessly. Then the two of you were moving, walking through the bedroom and collapsing onto the bed.

When your back hit the mattress, you reached in between your bodies, desperate to have him inside of you. You fisted his cock, intent on guiding him inside of you, but he was faster. Grabbing both of your wrists in his hands, he shackled them to the mattress above your head. He pulled his mouth from yours, your breath still mingling.

“Oh no, sweetheart,” he murmured. “It won’t be half that easy.”

“Fred-”

But he was moving off of you, landing a stinging slap to your hip. “Don’t move.” You didn’t think twice about disobeying him, only watched as he crossed the room and picked last night’s tie from the floor.  His eyes were dark and hooded as he moved toward you again. 

“Hands on the bedpost.”

Heat flooding between your legs, you did as you were told, wiggling across the mattress to grab the corner bedpost. He met you there, jerking your hands roughly so you were holding the post between your wrists. With quick hands, he tied you to the bedpost. Instinctively, you pulled at the bondage, found that it was nice and tight, but you could probably get loose if you really tried.

Not that you wanted to. 

Freddie was looming over you, leaning down until you were nearly nose to nose. “Safe word is blue. Say it.”

“Blue.”

“Again.”

“Blue.”

A satisfied smirk. “Good girl.” 

He pecked you on the mouth before moving onto the bed again, parting your legs and kneeling between them. You were completely exposed to him, no part of you hidden from eyes that shamelessly roamed your body like he owned it.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through these last few days?” he asked, his voice deep and husky with arousal as he leaned over you, brushing his lips over your jaw. “Teasing me.” A light kiss. “Driving me insane.” Another. “Then walking away.” A sharp bite that made you flinch.  His mouth came to yours again and took it in a long, hard kiss. “Now it’s your turn,” he continued. “To be teased until you’re begging me to fuck you.” You whimpered in response, flexing your hips beneath his weight.

But he was pulling away, trailing his mouth back to your jaw and down your throat with exquisite slowness. Arching your neck for him, you whimpered again when he ignored the obvious plea and moved his mouth down your breastbone to the valley of your breasts. He kissed one beaded nipple with just enough pressure that you gave a light gasp and arched into him. He moved to the other, taking this one fully into his mouth, pressing his tongue flat against it.  As pleasure began to build, he moved yet again and you let out a frustrated curse. You felt his lips quirk into a smile against your skin before he continued moving, kissing down your stomach until he was just above your pussy. Suddenly he was leaning back and pulling your hips up off the bed, raising your ankles over his shoulders so you were completely helpless. You felt a tight kiss a breath above your clit and you tried to close your legs around his head, but he easily pried them back open. After a few more teasing kisses just shy of where you needed them, his mouth pressed lightly to your clit. You gasped and arched your hips into the touch. You were being shameless and you knew it. And you didn’t care. Here, with him, you felt nothing but want.

He didn’t open his mouth and eat you like wanted-needed-him to. All he gave you were small, tight lipped kisses that drove your desperation higher and higher. When he finally did open his mouth slightly to lick your throbbing clit, you thought he might just push you over...but he pulled away. Writhing in his grip, you tried to chase the high, but it faded away.

Giving you one last nip to the thigh, Freddie moved your legs back down to the bed, slowly running his hands up to your thighs. “What do you need, baby?” he asked, his voice low and taunting. “Tell me.”

“Fred, I need-I need you.”

He grinned at that, clearly amused and satisfied by your words.

“Hmmm. This what you need?”

Leaning over you, he slid his cock through the folds of your pussy. You moaned long and loud as your eyes fluttered shut with pleasure. Pulling back, he gave another long, slow thrust, his cock only just grazing your clit. 

Bracing his arms on either side of your head, he took your mouth in a deep, wet kiss. You instinctively moved to wrap your arms around his shoulders, but came up against the binds. It was brutal, having no anchor against the onslaught of sensation. Freddie was breathing deeply, his chest pressing deep into yours as he continued to slide his cock through your folds, keeping you at a torturous level of pleasure. Back and forth, back and forth, it was an exquisite pain.

As if he knew you were finally going to reach your climax, he backed off again, leaving you just at the edge.

“Easy, baby,” he murmured against your cheek. “Not yet. Not yet.” He leaned away again, running his hands down your body as he did.

You heaved in a breath as you dangled on the edge of your climax, then fell back again. 

“What’s it like, baby?” he asked, running his hands up your thighs and then back down again. “To just get there? And not have it?”

You only whimpered in reply, your entire body begging for him. He had you and he knew it. You would do anything for him now.

He slowly leaned back down, hovering over you until your mouths barely touched. “Apologize for teasing me.”

“I’m-I’m sorry for teasing you.”

You were rewarded by him guiding just the tip of his cock inside of you. You both groaned and shuddered at the burning pleasure, Freddie’s head dropping to your chest as he struggled for control. You writhed, trying to get him deeper, but he slapped a hand to your hip, stilling you instantly.

“God, Y/N, you drive me fucking crazy.”

“Freddie, baby, please-”

You both groaned as he pushed deeper inside of you, pushing slowly until he reached the hilt.  You shuddered and let yourself be taken over by the pleasure of having him inside of you. You clenched around him and he cursed. He suddenly reared up onto his knees and grabbed your hips, pulling you up off the bed. Pulling out of you, he slammed back in again. Soon, he took up a brutal pace, his hands digging hard into your hips, your body nearly completely off the bed.  All you could do was give yourself up to the sex, to what he was demanding from you.

The orgasm, when it came, was violent and overwhelming, robbing you of breath as it washed over every inch of you, stuttered your heart in your chest.

Freddie came with a curse his hips slamming into yours one last time before he collapsed on top of you, keeping his full weight braced on his arm. The two of you stayed like that for a long moment, struggling to catch your breath as your orgasms slowly faded. You felt Freddie’s hand cup your cheek and he turned it to face him.

“Okay?” he asked. You nodded in reply and pressed your mouth to his.

“If you think this is going to deter me from teasing you again, you are very wrong.”

He laughed, the sound so deep and husky you shivered with renewed arousal.

“I hope not.”

[scandeniall]

story of us

pairing: suna x reader

the story of ur relationship <3; alternatively (more) dating sunarin headcanons but this time is somewhat of an order and talks good and bad 2K+ worth lol

a/n: i had more planned but half of these have been sitting in my notes for months and its kinda fucking long already bc he lives rent free!!!

warnings: uh the usual aged up (in ur 20s time skip type beat), language, yeah

Meeting

Now when y’all met suna was not looking to love at all. That man was just living his life and so where you. The two of you pretty much meet through komori. You’re a friend and it’s his birthday so him and a few of his friends go out for drinks bc why not. Young hot pretty financially stable v-ball players. Nah no ones there for any type of hookups literally just there celebrating a great guy.

They rent out a section at a relatively nice bar tbh. Not the cheapest and you can actually hear conversation. But also not a super expensive one where the patrons are middle aged with jazz music and the occasional track to relive “youth.” Komori’s a sweetie and will come outside to get you when you text that you’re there. You’ve met washio and ofc sakusa Before so you greet them casually then you turn and there’s Suna and a few others you haven’t met.

That greeting isn’t anything special I promise. Just “hey I’m so and so” and vice versa. It’s one of those meetings where you just think “he’s cute” but it’s such a fleeting thought. Y’all don’t even really talk that first night tbh. At the next practice Suna mentions offhandedly that he didn’t know komori was dating someone and komori is like: huh? Yeah sorry. I love (Y/N) and all but were just friends. Suna just shrugs not really caring to be honest until Komori just asks what did he think of you.

“Don’t really remember much man. Seemed cool though” he didn’t think he’d really see you again. Yeah you were close enough to have been at Komori’s birthday but if that was his first time ever meeting you, he figured you weren’t from around there are present very much. Yeah he was wrong.

Suddenly you were on Komori’s snap story more often, or maybe he’d just been noticing more. Too bad he couldn’t even remember your name 💀. Then it turned into you occasionally popping up where he was. He’d been told your name at least 5 times already but wouldn’t remember it the next day. Whenever he’d see you again he’d get a strained look like: “what is this mf name again” just laugh and tell him again bby.

That changed at some random house party by another mutual friend you two apparently had? You two were the only people just around the fire pit trying to catch some warmth in the chilly night. He’s probably just on his phone head bobbing his head to the muffled music from inside. And you’re just like “remember my name yet?” All jokingly. This sparks the tiniest bit of interest in him and he lets out a low chuckle and just admits “not at all.” I also feel like this is the first time he really looks at you and he’s like 🤨, wait you’re actually kinda cute.

That night y’all just kinda talk and vibe. The conversation comes easy as you two jump back and forth from talking about the music playing to sneakers which he brings up to stuff that you like. He’s actually really easy to talk to. So easy that u can forget about him not remembering your name despite meeting several times. You mention that you’d hung around komori before while they were gaming and that he seemed pretty cool. That leads him to asking “how do you know him anyways?”

“I used to date Sakusa”

Mentally he’s just like— ‘yeah I’m not getting involved in this. Time to go.’ Until you just start laughing.

“I’m kidding. He’s not really my type. We met after being paired together for a project in school.”

The two of you spend quite a bit of time just talking that night until you are joined again by some friends and it’s deadass like y’all weren’t just talking for almost an hour straight.

Getting Together

The process of getting together is like a cat and mouse game. You two start getting closer than friends and then something happens and you’re not talking for weeks. Whether it be life just getting busy, and then someone ending up on some random tinder date or so be it. Definitely one of those things were somehow someway y’all end up just hanging on one of your couches watching a movie. At some point there’s definitely a hint of sexual tension but neither of y’all act on it (later on you find on his finsta that he used to post several “i wont you 😔” memes  Folks can’t tell if hes joking or not (hes not))

You probably gotta tell that man you like him so if that ain’t you I’m sorry. Y’all not dating 😹. It’s something casual, y’all going to pick up some snacks for a movie night and why this mf keep looking at you out the side of his eyes instead of the road. You def texting the groupchat asking if you should confess. They tell you to boss up and just do it baby.

You literally end up confessing in that parking lot. Like right when he shuts the car off and starts swinging his keys on his finger and you kinda just blurt “I like you. Like like you.” He just kinda nods before his eyes widen. “Wait are you fr?” Like no you’re joking tf. It gets a lil awkward so you just go to get out the car and he’s like “I like like you too.”

I definitely don’t think either of you ever officially asked the other out it’s just at some point the understanding that you two are a couple. Like when you’re hanging out just you two hes more touchy, and then y’all start kissing and holding hands at some point. Then when you’re with friends he almost exclusively sits next to you and your friends notice the whispers in one another’s ears at the loud bar that seem just a hint too intimate for ppl who are just friends. Then y’all start arriving and leaving places together and people just at some point get the message (it’s later confirmed by you tweeting some shit like: I hate Rin why is that mf my boyfriend)

As far as anniversaries y’all draw straws to pick a day in the ballpark of the time y’all both think you became official. That’s the day you stick with even if it’s not true.

Relationship Flaws

A fault in the relationship is sunas kinda poor communication when it comes to things that matter. How he feels. Arguments. Love sure as hell don’t come east with anyone but when your partner won’t let you in? Yeah that’s like hell. That’s something you struggle with. And then on your end, it’s the impatience with him not letting you in. You try to wrongfully rush it.

 There’s definitely been arguments that stem from him just being upset about something unrelated to the relationship then coming to you for comfort without actually telling you what’s wrong. He kinda just wants to lay with his head on his chest but at some point that’s not enough. Y’all are in a relationship and should be able to talk about your bad days too.

You’re not innocent in this issue either because sometimes it comes off too pushy. Yes it’s from a place of care but sometimes that silent comfort is necessary. The walls will break in due time and y’all both know that deep in the back of your minds But then there’s a part that’s like— yeah we can’t let this become the norm

“Rin, can you please talk to me”

He will have literally told you “whatever” and that he “can’t deal with this rn” several times as he just shrugs and is like yeah “I’m gonna just go home. I’ll text you later” with an awkward ass pat on your shoulder if it really ruined his mood. If he’s leaving before he gets super upset and uncomfortable just some half assed kiss in your cheek

Another thing is I feel like he could be passive aggressive and let’s be real other folks doing it causes you to do it to. Y’all probably drag eachother on your finstas where you can both see it lol

But when it comes to making up he cracks first and apologizes when he started it. Or as y’all get more comfy with communication. If it’s not anything major he’ll just hit you with a text like “I’m bored come hang”

More Relationship Things

I feel like he love/hates driving. Likes the ride not always driving though. So if you ever proposed a late night drive he’d be down (if you offer to drive). He does let y’all take his car though. He reclines the seat pretty far back. Alternates between just closing his eyes vibing w/ the music or kinda just looking at you (he the type of bf that makes u nervous no matter how long y’all been together)The way he looks at you makes you nervous cause that man is fine as hell and you can just feel his eyes on you.

He films you on Snapchat and sends the video to you like “you look hot”

If he’s not ‘resting his eyes’ he’s mumbling along to the music because he has the aux. if y’all music tastes are different he occasionally throws in something you really like bc he likes how you perk up at one of your fav songs

Moving on. Y’all dap eachother up after s3x because it’s “modern romance” (boy stfu). You two came up with a sex playlist together and it’s on both of your phones. Sometimes one of you will add a troll song that the other doesn’t know and put it in the lineup. (Stole my heart by 1D has definitely played before and you were practically in tears laughing at his reaction. That was one of those songs he was like ‘yeah alright i think we’re done).

At some point you two develop your own handshake and it’s cute. Whenever either of you have to travel without the other that’s always the last thing you do before you leave eachother. There’s vids of your friends daring y’all to do your elaborate ass handshake drunk and doesn’t matter what’s in your system, you both know it like the back of your hand.

I think he values quality time a lot so there’s so many nights where you’re both just chilling in his room just doing your own things. He could just be at his desk watching some game highlights and you’re just doing hw on his bed with your own earbuds in work all spread out and he’s content. He’s also attentive so if he calculates that you’ve been working too long he’ll just take ur earbud like “hey let’s go get something to eat.”

People definitely think he’s the lazy one in the relationship but it’s 100% not true. Like stated above, he’s very attentive and can pretty much gauge how you’re feeling in the blink of an eye. He knows when you need alone time but won’t go without reassuring you that he’s here whenever you’re ready. When you do just need him he’s there without a second thought. If you’re more touchy he’ll have your head in his lap his arm running up and down your as you tell him what’s wrong. He knows when to joke about a minor inconvenience and over the course of your relationship knows when to cut the jokes and be serious with you.

He’d never admit it but he knows your coffee order by heart (he keeps up his image my asking wtf do you get everytime. Just let him LOL). He the type to peek at what you plan on wearing and ‘accidentally’ color coordinate then pull some shit like “why are you copying me”

Y’all def shit talk together. See someone doing something completely out of pocket in public— straight to ur phones you go (pack it up shade room). To the public it just looks like you aren’t paying any attention to one another on your dates but y’all are. Just over the phone so u don’t piss off ur target 😌

Y’all are very comfy in your relationship that you just say stuff. Y’all don’t even think.

“Rin, what if i crashed us in this car rn 😹”

“Do it. Might be fun”

When you two finally move in together it’s almost like how your relationship starts. Slowly more and more spares of stuff for you end up at his. He does sorta make the move near the end of your lease and is just like “you’re here more than me anyways.” (hes nervous but swears he’s not. Bby you’re literally shaking). Him moving you in is like hell. This mf takes sooooo long to help with boxes. Picks up 1 then sits for like 15 minutes. You ask for help the first few times and he’s just like “I got you” while continuing to scroll his phone.

Sleepy Shoulder kisses in the mornings. Only form a greeting you get but it’s ok

this is like my 100th dating suna hc and im still going this is SICK. it was so hard to not drop old refs bc i still believe in them 100% yes i do!!!!

[thatsgay-writes]

Ok so I have a n idea about why reader got kidnapped in frosta x reader, feel free to use it if you liked it , so I thought: the people that are in all black and wear a mask they are part of the horde/crimson waste and they want to take over the kingdom of snow cause it is the strongest and the biggest kingdom of etheria, so they used reader against frosta to threaten her and to give them the kingdom, since reader can't fight and doesn't have powers, they used her, they recorded the reader being tortured and they send it the the princesses, but bow and entrapta hacked the video to find where they live and all of them go to save reader, frosta saves her and...you can imagine what happened next :) maybe reader comforting frosta or....fluffy ending :) 🥰🥰🥰😇

Not me posting

Anyways, I am finally putting an end to this mini series after like... a long time, hope you enjoy.

Frosta x Reader Part 3

Warning: Verbal/Physical Abuse

The kingdom of snows had fallen into a deep depression. It had been months since you were taken and Frosta was slowly losing hope that she would see you again. Frosta had not been faring well and was barely able to keep up with her royal duties. The weekly meetings that you both once held died out pretty fast after your capture. Adora and Catra use to visit often, when they would take breaks from searching for you, but slowly stopped visiting when Catra got pregnant.

All Frosta felt anymore was anger, fear, and heartbreak. She was angry that she couldn't save you all those months ago and angry that she still couldn't find you. She was scared about how you were doing. She would stay up wondering most nights if you were still even alive and that would lead to nightmares when she would finally pass out from exhaustion. She was heartbroken as she watched the others in the alliance thrive in their own lives and marriages. Most of them had children already and now some were expecting more. It just reminded her about all the talks the two of you would have about having children and growing old together.

---

"Queen Frosta!" A guard yelled as they burst through the doors and into the throne room. Frosta waved off the other guards who immediately stood at alert and glared at the guard who arrived unannounced. "What is it?' Frosta asked bored, she was ready to return to her room and be alone. "I just received a tablet from a hawk, we started to review the video but stopped once we saw her face." Frosta perked up at the sound of "her". Could it be you? Were you alive?

Without a second thought, Frosta hit the emergency Alliance button and took the tablet from the guard. "Thank you, return to your post." She said as she walked briskly to the war room. She set the tablet in a safe she had and called for her maids to clean the room. This could be her only chance at getting you back, she was going to be prepared.

---

The Princess Alliance, or what was left of them that wasn't pregnant or taking care of children, busted through the throne room doors expecting it to be a mess as it had been last time. Instead they were greeted by a guard who lead them to the war room. They sent Frosta confused looks as they took their seats in the dark room. As soon as they all sat, Frosta pressed play on the tablet and let a holo-screen play the video that was on the tablet.

"We'll only say this once." A cloaked figure said as he grabbed your beaten and bloody face and pointed it towards the camera. "Give us control of your kingdom and you can have your lovely wife back... Even though, it seems that she likes spending time with use." The person in the cloak said smugly and turned towards you, only to for you to spit in their face. "You bitch!" They roared as they sent a swift but hard backhand across your face. "You will learn your place, mutt."

The person grabbed you by your hair, causing you to flinch in pain, and karate chopped you in the throat before letting go. Your body fell to the floor as you attempted to catch your breath. The Princess Alliance members gasped at the sight of your body. You were clearly malnourished, your spine and ribs showed prominently as you layed on the floor. Your eyes were dark and sunken in, showing the clear exhaustion that you felt. What had they done to you?

The cloak person turned to look at the screen again before speaking. "You have 24 hours to officially surrender or you won't have a wife anymore." The screen turned black as a count down showed on the screen.

20:00:00

---

The war room was flowing with activities as Bow, Entrapta, and Emily started to try and hack the tablet that held the video of you in it, hoping to get at least an idea of where the video was shot from. The others, Adora, Sea Hawk, Scorpia, and Hordak, started coming up with battle and infiltration plans for when they got your location. Spinnerella and Netossa made sure Frosta was okay, trying to provide motherly affection that they had for Frosta and her wife. All Frosta could do was stare at the timer in front of her.

10:00:00

---

"This is it. This is it." Was all Frosta could keep saying in her head as the Princess Alliance rode two skiffs towards the crimson waste. Frosta was finally bringing you home. After months of loneliness, fear, anger, and heartache, it would all finally disappear as soon as she held you in her arms. The only thing she was worried about now was if you would blame her or not.

5:00:00

---

The group snuck through the tower as quickly and quietly as they could. They couldn't get caught now, not when they were so close to bringing you home. Bow held up his hand to stop the group as they came to an intersection in the hallway, his tracker pad pointing in the direction of the right turn. The room almost 15 feet away from the group. He looked back at his friends and saw as determination was showing in all their eyes. This was it, they were getting you back, Frosta was going to get her happy ending.

00:10:00

---

They had to have known they were in the building. There were way too many masked figures in the room you were being held in for them not to know. The Princess Alliance members fought hard but it felt as if the people in cloaks never stopped coming. They would knock one down and 2 more would appear in their place. In the midst of all the fighting, Frosta had told Entrapta to go through the vents to find where they were holding you, the room they were in was obviously a trap. Entrapta did return with you but not in the way Frosta had hoped.

They had knocked down the last of the cloaked people and all stood at the ready as the door opened. They relaxed some seeing Entrapta enter the room first, but immediately got back into a defensive position as they saw the leader of the cloaked people enter behind her. Shortly behind them were two burley looking men, one of whom was holding your unconscious form in his arms. "I certainly should have expected this." The leader said, the smugness clear in their voice. "Let's finish this."

00:00:03

00:00:02

00:00:01

00:00:00

---

"ugh..." You groaned out as you rolled over. You felt a breath on your neck and let yourself imagine that you were home and out of the shit hole you had been stuck in for months. You let your dream play out more but grew confused when you felt arms, that you thought you had imagined, tighten around you pulling you closer towards the heat of someone else's body. Realizing that you were not in fact dreaming about sharing the bed with another person, you hopped out of bed and away from whoever was holding you.

You sudden movement had woken up the person laying next to you and your eyes widened as you took in the sight of blue hair and black eyes that you had been dreaming about for months. You covered your mouth as you felt tears and sobs start to wrack your fragile body. "Y/n? Are you okay?" Frosta asked worried as she climbed over the bed and towards you before standing in front of you, not knowing is she should reach towards you or not.

"Is this real?" You ask as your reach towards Frosta's face, but stop a few inches short afraid that if you touch her the illusion would disappear. Frosta grew a sad smile on her face as she watched you have an internal battle with yourself. "It's real, my love. You're home, I promise." You took a deep breath and connected your hand to Frosta's cheek slowly, letting out a gasp as you felt her warmth against your palm. "I... I'm... this is real." You say with a watery laugh as tears start to fall faster. Frosta grabs the hand that was resting on her cheek and squeezes. "Hell yeah it is." She states with big smile.

Without warning, you pull Frosta in for a kiss. Letting the both of you destress for the first time in months, now that you were in each others arms once again. The both of you fell back into bed and held each other for the rest of the night. Enjoying the peace you both felt. Both of you knew, that some things would be different. That there was going to be things you needed to work through but for now... For now, it could all wait till tomorrow.

PREVIOUS

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Part 5

Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.

Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.

Whew this was a long one. 4.5k words

Part 1     Part 2      Part 3     Part 4     Part 6

As you stepped off the plane you couldn’t believe it. You were finally in Seoul, the same city as your soul mate. That alone felt indescribable. It was a happiness you had never known. The past day was hectic. Trying to book last minute plane tickets and a hotel room. You didn’t even know how long you were going to be staying here depending on how well things went with Yoongi. You booked your hotel for a week just to be safe, knowing you could cancel if you absolutely had to. You considered coming alone, but your friend was very insistent that they go with you. You were traveling to a foreign country to meet your soulmate. Your friend wouldn’t miss this for the world, but also wanted to be there as a support and help in any way they could.

You arrived to the hotel and unpacked your belongings and immediately flopped down onto the bed.

“Jet lag sucks.”

“Indeed it does. I feel like I could sleep for the next 10 years.” Within moments your friend was snoring and clutching the pillow tightly. You giggled quietly to yourself and pulled your phone out to see if Yoongi had posted anything else. There were no new songs, but there was a new post from him. It was a selfie of him and oh gosh he looked so adorable it made your heart flutter. The caption underneath the photo just said “I can’t wait to see you.”

A bunch of army had commented underneath that they couldn’t wait to see him too. Their tour was starting in a little over a month. You knew what the real meaning was behind the photo. And you quickly typed a reply.

“I can’t wait to see you too. It’s such a short time away.”

You set your phone down and were about to try and sleep for a little bit when a notification went off. ‘I’m not Min Yoongi’ had sent you another reply.

Isn’t it late where you are at now? What are you still doing awake?

You glance at the clock and see that it is only 8:00 pm. You have a long way to go until morning.

Actually I am in Seoul right now. So it’s only 8:00 in the evening. Besides, how do you know where I live? You stalking me?

Ah no! no! You just um… always seemed to reply early in the morning here. So I figured it was late wherever you were.

Yoongi face palms. Smooth save, Min.

Ah okay. Makes sense I guess.

So what are you doing in Seoul?

Hopefully meeting my soulmate.

Oh! That’s exciting! I hope everything goes well for you two.

Me too. I hope everything goes the way I am thinking it will but.. we’ll see.

Well if you were traveling all day aren’t you tired? Shouldn’t you be in bed?

Yes I should be but I can’t sleep. I’m too anxious.

I’m sure your soulmate feels the same. But they would want you to get your rest and take care of yourself.

You’re right. I’ll try my best.

What usually helps you sleep?

Um.. well this might sound silly but I fall asleep easily to Yoongi’s songs and videos of him just talking? His voice is so soothing.

Huh.. I see. You like his voice then?

Yes. Very much. It almost feels like.. coming home after a long trip. Just that comfort of knowing you are home.

Yoongi blushes at this and the sweet compliments.

Maybe he’ll surprise you and do a vlive or something.

Hah, I can only wish.

After that you don’t get a reply. You do however, get a notification on your phone that Yoongi is doing a Vlive. You laugh to yourself as you realize that there is no way that account wasn’t him at this point. You pull out your phone.

You know for someone who isn’t Min Yoongi you sure called that one right.

It’s just a voice live, you hear his phone go off and then hear him quietly chuckling into the mic. You don’t receive a reply but don’t anticipate you will at this point. Yoongi says something in Korean to start that you don’t quite catch what he says, but then he repeats himself in English.

“I heard from some of you that you like my voice and it’s calming to you. Since it’s nearing the end of the night I figured this would be a good way for you all to relax and unwind after a long day.” You smile to yourself and put your headphones in, quickly drifting off to sleep. You wake up a few hours later. When you glance at the clock you see it’s after midnight. You groan and sit up, looking over to the other bed to see your friend completely passed out still. You’ve always envied how deeply they seem to sleep.

As you sit there, the anxiety begins to come back. How nervous you are is finally starting to settle in. What if he doesn’t like you? What if you don’t get along? What if he was hoping his soulmate was someone famous? Are you good enough for him? Your leg starts shaking back and forth before you can’t sit still any longer. You crawl out of bed and slip your shoes on, quietly heading out the door as you don’t want to wake up your friend. You walk outside into the fresh air and find that it is helping you calm down to be able to just walk.

You don’t know where you are heading, but you have your phone with you and can easily find your way back to the hotel with the GPS. You put your headphones back in and just walk. You are listening to the playlist you had made of the few songs Yoongi had wrote for you and continue wandering and humming along. After you listen to all of the songs at least once you come across a bench with a man sitting on it. You don’t pay him any attention and walk on by, lost in your own world. You don’t make it very far before you feel a gentle tug on the bottom of your shirt. You turn around and see the man looking up at you. His bottom half of his face is covered and he’s wearing a beanie and heavy coat. Clearly he doesn’t want to be seen. You panic for a second thinking maybe he was going to mug you before he says something to you.

“What?”

“Ah, foreigner?” You nod.

“I said it’s dangerous to be outside alone this late.” He repeats in English. Your heart nearly drops to your stomach. You know that voice. You’d recognize it anywhere.

“Yoongi?” His eyes widen at that and now he seems to be the one panicked.

“Shit.. Are you a fan? Please don’t tell anyone you saw me and don’t freak out and scream. I go out late to avoid people for a reason-”

“Yoongi stop. It’s me!”

“Am I supposed to know you? Please don’t tell you’re a sasaeng. Wow this is just my luck.”

“It’s y/n!” Yoongi freezes and drops his hand to his side and he looks a little angry if the way he furrows his brows at you is any indication.

“Funny joke. Haha okay what do you want? An autograph?”

“No I’m serious Yoongi it’s me! We’ve been talking on Twitter back and forth! Ah wait no I’m sorry that wasn’t Min Yoongi I forgot.” You say with a smirk on your face.

“I… There’s no way. Let me see your phone.” You pull it out and unlock it, then hand it over to him. He opens up your Twitter and goes to your notifications and sure enough, there’s your conversations. “Oh my god.. Y/n it’s really you.” He hands your phone back and just stares at you in shock.

“Um.. So… what-“

“No, no! Absolutely not! I did not spend all night writing that song about us meeting for the first time for you to just bump into me on the street. I refuse.”

“Yoongi! You can’t fight fate-“

“Like hell I can’t. Watch me.” He stands up and grabs you, turning your shoulders around to face away from him and gives you a gentle push. “Now you march your cute little butt back to your hotel and we can try this again tomorrow.”

“Yoongi, oh my god.” You burst out laughing and your shoulders begin to shake with you how much you are laughing. You can hear him chuckling behind you before his hands move down and wrap around your waist, pulling you into a back hug.

“You have no idea how happy I am to finally have you here. I have never felt so many emotions in my heart at once but they are all good and they are all because of you.” You let your hands move down and your fingers play with his where they are resting on your waist. “But I really want to do this right. So please. Let’s pretend this first encounter never happened. And I’ll see you tomorrow at the river.. okay?” You smile and nod your head.

“Okay, Yoongi. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Can we meet earlier in the afternoon though instead of the evening. I-“

“Ah! Nope! My song says a crisp autumn EVENING. Not day. You’re just going to have to be patient now go on then!” He lets go of you and you let out a giggle but continue walking down the sidewalk. You don’t miss the footsteps trailing behind you on the way.

“What are you doing? I thought you said you didn’t want to meet until tomorrow? Now you’re following me back to my hotel? Scandalous. We haven’t even had our first date and you’re already-”

“Yah! Shush. I just want to make sure you make it back safely. I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s not safe at night time. Pretend I’m not here.”

“Okay.” You smile the whole way back. When you reach the hotel lobby and turn around he’s already gone. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much as you walk back to your hotel room. You open the door quietly and shuffle back in, kicking your shoes off and collapsing into bed. Your friend is awake now.

“Where did you go?”

“Just for a walk. I couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah, too anxious to meet him for the first time?” You laugh to yourself.

“Yeah, I was. But the walk really helped me. I think I am really ready to see him now.”

“Good! Now get some rest! We have a big day ahead. Well you do anyways. I’ll just be hanging around here anxiously waiting for you to get back and tell me every single detail of your first meeting.”

“Sure thing. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight y/n. I’m sure Yoongi is going to love you. You have nothing to worry about.” You roll over onto your side and before long you are about to drift off to sleep when a noise from your phone brings you out of your drowsy daze. You see it’s a notification for twitter. Yoongi, sent you a message.

By the way, you’re absolutely the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

You smile and your cheeks heat up, feeling a warmth in your chest as you finally drift off to sleep.

You don’t wake up until late afternoon. The jet lag, coupled with the anxiety you felt last night before meeting Yoongi and being up late had allowed you to sleep for a long time. You probably would have still been asleep if your friend wouldn’t have woken you up to go eat lunch. You don’t tell them that you already met Yoongi, having promised to pretend like it never happened and you intended to keep your word. You spend the day exploring the city, even going to the Line Friends store and picking up a few items to spoil yourself a little bit. You walk around and eat until it’s now starting to get dark outside.

“We should probably head over to the park now. I’ll ride in the taxi with you there but then after I drop you off I’ll head back to the hotel.”

“Wait why don’t you just wait for me? What if something goes wrong and-“ Your friend flicks your forehead.

“Y/n don’t start that nonsense. You two are probably going to be out together all night. Just text me and check in. Let me know how everything is going, alright?” You nod and hug your friend tightly.

“Thank you for coming with me, and pushing me out of my comfort zone. And annoying Yoongi with your horrible songs. If it weren’t for you I probably wouldn’t have met him.”

“Hmmm, yes you would. Fate would have made sure of it, but I will take the praise anyway.” Just then a taxi pulls up and you both get in. But when you arrive at the park only you get out. You wave to your friend as the car pulls away. The butterflies in your stomach feel like they are going to fly out of your mouth at any moment. You walk along the riverside, admiring the views and listening to the sounds of the crickets. You notice up ahead all of the flowers and your pace quickens when you notice Yoongi standing in the middle of all of them. He spots you and immediately starts waving. But you ignore it and keep walking. He stops waving and tilts his head in confusion.

“Y/n!” He yells your name but you still continue walking along the path towards him. “Are you going to say hi to me or not?!”

“Huh? Sorry do I know you?”

“Are you serious right now?”

“We’ve never met before. How do you know my name?” You are trying so hard not to laugh when it finally clicks with Yoongi.

“Ah yes you’re right. My mistake. Are you here to meet with someone?”

“Yes. My soulmate told me to meet him among the cosmos.” You say with a smile. Yoongi is absolutely beaming as he reaches down and takes your hand in his.

“Well then that would be me. I’m Yoongi. But you must have already known that if you heard my songs for you.” He brings your hand up to his lips and gently kisses the back of it. The shock it sends through you almost brings you to your knees.

“I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet you soul mate.” Yoongi’s gummy smile widens further before he pulls you tightly into his arms. His hug is bone crushing, making it slightly hard for you to breathe but there is no way you would ask him to let go. Your arms are around his neck pulling him impossibly closer to you. He nuzzles his face into your shoulder and you feel your sweater dampen. You pull away in shock.

“Yoongi why are you crying?”

“Why are YOU crying?”

“I am not!” But you know you are. You can feel the tears streaming down your face and your voice cracks when you talk. “Okay I definitely am.” You both laugh and reach up to wipe each other’s tears away. You spend a few moments with your hands gently ghosting over each other’s faces, wanting to commit the way it feels to memory and make sure that the other was actually there.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. I never thought we would ever find each other. When I learned that our connections were through the songs we had stuck in our heads, I just lost all hope of ever finding my soulmate.”

“To be honest for a while there I did too. It wasn’t until I first heard your music that I knew. I just felt it immediately that you were my soul mate.”

“I felt that too. When I read your comments on my songs it was like every cell in my body was calling out to you. I just… God I still can’t believe it.” He grabs you and pulls you into another hug. You both stand there for a while, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s warmth. Yoongi is the first to pull away but he doesn’t let go of your hand as he leads you on a short walk over to one of the benches overlooking the river. You sit next to each other in a comfortable silence.

“I’m not dreaming am I?” He wonders out loud. You reach over and pinch his side and he jumps away from you with a startled yell. “What was that?!”

“Proving to you that you aren’t dreaming.” He begins to laugh at that and the sound still makes your heart race. “But I know what you mean. It still doesn’t feel real.” Yoongi sits back down on the bench and laces your fingers together again, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Okay I gotta know. What kind of music do you really listen to?” You let out a snort at this.

“All different genres. Definitely not most of the ones that were stuck in your head though.”

“And that was your friend’s idea?”

“Yes. They thought it would be funny to mess with you a little bit. At least show that I have a sense of humor so you at least had some idea of what kind of person I was.”

“Honestly I just thought you were a person with shitty taste in music.” You both laugh playfully at that.

“How did you get the idea? For the songs I mean?”

“Ah, Namjoon gave me the idea to talk to you through song writing. For the past.. hmm month or so? The guys have really been helping me try and think of ways to find my soulmate. I think they were tired of seeing me mope all the time. They all had found theirs so easily I was just.. stuck.” Your heart clenches, knowing that feeling all too well. You squeeze his hand as a comforting gesture.

“I know what you mean.” Yoongi returns your squeeze.

“But hey everything worked out okay in the end right? We’re finally here with each other. I want to know you better. I want to know everything. What you’re passionate about, what things you like and dislike. Where you’re from, about your family, what your childhood was like. What-“

“Whoa there. We have all night Yoongi there is no rush.”

“We um.. have more than a night though right? Like… I know we’re soulmates fated to be together and all that but you still have a choice. Do you want to keep seeing me?” Yoongi seems insecure and unsure of himself now as he plays with the rings on your fingers and refuses to meet your gaze.

“Of course I want to continue seeing you! Why would you think even for a moment I wouldn’t?” He sighs and tries to untangle his hands from yours but you just hold on tighter.

“Being in a relationship with an idol isn’t easy y/n… I don’t think you fully understand what all of this is going to entail. You’re never going to have a moment of privacy. Even when we go out together on dates someone is almost always going to figure out who I am.”

“Well no one has so far tonight right? I think you just need to wear a mask and hide who you are then it won’t be so bad. Especially if we go out at night or go to more secluded places. I know dating an idol isn’t going to be easy but I don’t care about that. I just want to be with you. I’ll take all the good and bad that comes with it.” Yoongi stops trying to hold himself back any longer. He moves his hand behind your head and tugs you in closer to him so he can finally connect his lips to yours.

The kiss is sweet, gentle but loving. It’s like he’s pouring the years of emotions he’s felt towards you into the kiss. There isn’t any sparks or crazy fireworks. Everything just goes quiet, and suddenly it’s like you two are the only ones in the world right now. Yoongi pulls away after a few short moments. Even for just a short kiss you both are a bit breathless.

“Wow. I didn’t know kissing your soulmate would feel like that.” He says in between breatths.

“Me either. That was… perfect.” Yoongi smirks.

“Perfect? Wow am I that good of a kisser?” You playfully smack his arm and he laughs. You two spend quite a while talking on that bench. Asking questions and getting to know each other better. The moon is hanging high in the sky and all the stars are shining on the two of you. The wind starts to pick up and you shiver. “Ah are you cold, sweetheart?” He takes his jacket off and drapes it around you, although you did feel your face heat up at the petname. You hope Yoongi doesn’t notice your blush and will just assume it’s because you’re cold. “We can go now if you want to.” You shake your head back and forth quickly.

“No! I mean.. I don’t want to leave you yet.” His expression softens at your confession.

“Well.. We can go back to my place? If you’re comfortable with that?” You wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at him and he moves away from you.  “Not like that!”

“I’m kidding, Yoongi! I’d love to go back with you. Even if we don’t talk at all. Even if we just sleep it doesn’t matter. I just want to be around you.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I was thinking the same thing.” He stands off the bench and takes your hand to lead you over to the car that was waiting to take the two of you back to his house. You send your friend a quick update text, to let her know everything was okay and going well. They send you back a bunch of heart emojis and you slip the phone back in your pocket. On the way up to his door it doesn’t sneak past your notice that he hasn’t let go of your hand the entire time you two have been together.

“Do you like holding hands?” He blushes and looks away, busying himself with entering the code into the door so it unlocks.

“Um.. Yeah I do. Does it bother you?”

“Not at all. I love it actually.”

“Do you want any tea or anything to drink to help warm you up?”

“Mmm, no. I just need you.” With how much Yoongi has been smiling he’s beginning to wonder if his muscles are just going to be permanently stuck.

“Do you want to go lay down? Maybe watch a movie?”

“That sounds perfect.”

You are both laying down now, in his bed. You are actually laying with Yoongi, your soulmate. Your head resting on his chest while he was a tight grip around your waist. You are starting to fall asleep when you feel his grip suddenly tighten around you. You lift your head up to look at him.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah. Sorry did I squeeze you too hard?”

“No I just thought maybe something was wrong and you wanted my attention.” Yoongi shakes his head, but bites his lip as if he is thinking deeply about something.

“It’s not that I was upset or anything.. I just wanted to make sure that you were actually here. And that I’m not hallucinating, or just imagining all this. It still doesn’t feel real. I thought I had met my soulmate before. I was so sure but it turned out it was just someone using me for my fame.. And I was so desperate to just have that connection with someone that I ignored all the warning signs. And I know you aren’t like that. I know for 100% certain you’re my soulmate but…“

“But that nagging voice in the back of your head just keeps questioning things?” He nods in confirmation. You sit up and adjust yourself so you’re facing him. You take his face in your hands and make sure he is looking at you and can see the sincerity in your eyes. “I completely understand why you are worried. Believe me. But I would never do anything to hurt you. I would never use you like that. I promise that I am here, that I am real.” You grab his hand and place it on your heart. He closes his eyes and lets himself just feel. Your warmth, the gentle thrumming of your heart beat, the sounds of your breaths. It helps ground him.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. If you ever have doubts or are worried about anything you can always come to me. I want to be there for you.” Yoongi smiles that gummy smile that is going to quickly make you fall head over heels in love with him in no time if he keeps directing it at you.

“Thank you y/n.” He pecks your lips and then pats his chest for you to lay back down. Pretty soon your breaths even out and you’ve fallen asleep. Yoongi holds you just a little bit closer, and places a kiss to the top of your head. “I already like you so much and it kind of scares me. But I am going to give you my whole heart, angel. I hope you’ll keep it safe.”

“Don’t worry I will.” Yoongi jumps.

“I thought you were asleep!”

“I was but I am not that heavy of a sleeper remember? I woke up when I heard you talking.” Yoongi blushes but snuggles closer to you.

“Do you want to meet the other members tomorrow?”

“I’d love to! Can I bring my friend too?”

“Of course. You all are going to be a part of the family now we might as well all meet one another.” You smile at that and nuzzle into his chest. You both fall asleep quicker than you ever have before, finally feeling the comfort and safety of being in each other’s arms.

Tag list: @anoesjkaax​​​  @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​ @heartblackerthancoffee​ @rosita7703​   @jacjacwashere​   @purpletigertaetae​  @woodstockisjustlikealittlekid​  @supernatural-bangtanboys​ @loveyoongles​ @barbikatherine​ @atulipandarose​ @bookluver01​ @cioccocalderoni​ @lyoongx​

@its-yagirl-raelynn it’s not letting me tag you :c 

[kim-seungmine]

dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could’ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it. 

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

[aliasimagines]

Meeting, falling for, dating and eventually having to leave Billy Hargrove would include :

request: Billy has a girlfriend before moving to Hawkins, being her the complete opposite of him (shy, a good person, honest, kind, dedicated, sensitive, right, who likes games, who fights for the power of women, etc…) the headcanon / imagine could be how they met, how they fell in love, how was dating (the day by day), what does Billy's family think of his gf, maybe moments / hobbies / things they both did together and perhaps what the two looked like when they both had to move to different cities. by @im-hqlover

a/n: I'm soooorrryyyyy it took me this long. It's messy and all over the place but I think I included everything (?). Also this is long. Sorry 🙏

Metting & getting to know each other

You met on the first day of high school

Billy didn't have a mulet back then, he wasn't wearing the leather jacket and didn't have his ear pierced. So wasn't really having the "bad guy" look just yet

You didn't really interact since he soon became popular while you liked to stay in the shadows thanks to your shyness

He was arrogant and rude while you are kind and quiet most of the time

But of course you have noticed him. He is gorgeous. Whit his wavy blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.

Billy first really acknowledged you when you got paired for a school project in sophomore year. (not cliché at all)

You were nervous. Why wouldn't you be? It's Billy Hargrove we are talking about. One of the cool guys.

But honestly you didn't really think he would care about it

Much to your surprise he found you in lunch break. Billy told you that he has to pick up his step sister after school, but if you give him your address he will meet you there at 5

You were a bit shocked. Does he actually care? About a stupid school project?

Turns out he really does because he is failing the class

It's 5 past 10 when he shows up. He's got a small cut on his cheek which weren't there at school.

"Are you okay, Billy?"

He shrugged his shoulder, annoyed

"Can you just let me inside so we can do that stupid project?"

Deciding it's better not to anger him you step aside and guide him to your room

You start to do some research when you hear him murmur quietly

"I don't get this"

he was pointing at the task.

"Which part do you not get?"

"All of it?"

So you begin to explain him calmly and slowly

After about 2 hours, Billy kind of gets it so you start working.

You eat dinner with books in your hands while discussing the project.

And it's like you have been friends for years. You forgot your shyness and Billy forgot about all his problems. You even joked around between two tasks.

It's pretty late when you finish but it's friday so it's okay.

When you said goodbyes and you're about to close the door he suddenly turns around.

"Thanks Y/N. For explaining that shit."

"Of course, Billy! I'm glad I could help you!"

On Monday you and Billy present your project and the teacher is blown away by it. And Billy is so happy he pulls you into a bone crushing hug. And your bl

The teacher says that if Billy can keep this up he won't fail the class. So the teacher asks you to tutor him.

Growing & confessing feelings for each other

Once a week Billy comes over after he walked Max home( cause he doesn't have his car jet) and you guys work on home work together and study. Overtime he a bit longer stays after you finished studying. He stays for dinner (your parents love him) or you just hang in your room talking and listening to music.

Billy feels so comfortable around you. It's the way you treat him. Always so calm, kind and caring. He just feels like he can trust you. And he eventually realizes that he fell for you.

And oh boy, that scares him.

First Billy doesn't want to do anything about because he thinks there is no way you like him back.

But after spending many sleepless nights with fantasizing about what your relationship would be like he can't keep his emotions bottled up.

He gets up at 3 am and just goes over to your house and starts throwing rocks at your window

"Billy! What are you doing here?"

"I want to speak with you. Can you.. come outside?"

2 minutes later you find yourself walking next to Billy in a short and an oversized shirt you quickly changed into.

Few minutes pass and he still hasn't said anything. So you nervously turn to him and open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it.

"Y/N thanks to you I've got good grades and I'm super grateful for that but that's not why... Ah shit.. I can't"

He notices you're slightly shaking.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine just a bit cold"

"Oh, here. Take my jacket" and he puts it on your shoulders

And you're jumping out of your skin.

Because over there months you spent together you grew feelings for this boy and now he was giving you his jacket. Billy freaking Hargrove was giving you his signature leather jacket!

Oh, you weren't blushing. Naaah, not at all.

"T-thanks Billy..."

"Sure thing."

"So You were trying to say something?"

"Oh shit! ...You... I was trying to say how fucking nervous you make me." *cute small laugh*

Billy took a deep breath and stoped. You looked at him, totally confused.

"Y/N... I... I like you. Like... Like like you. I have been for a while now. You are just the cutest and kindest person I have ever met. Whenever you and I are alone I feel so happy... You make me super happy."

He looks at you like a lost puppy. He is just so goddamn cute.

Even though you're shy you pull him down by the collar of his shirt and kiss him.

Just a few hours ago you wouldn't even dare to dream about Billy liking you, yet here you are kissing on the poorly lighted street at 3 am.

That's how it started

Dating Billy & what his family thinks of it/about you

So Billy likes to show you off. Take you to parties (but if you don't want to he won't force you to), hold your hand in school or even kiss you by the lockers.

You definitely earn some jealous looks after that, even some threatening ones. (don't worry, Billy will punch everyone who tries to hurt you)

You accompany him when he has to walk Max home

Max does not mind it. You're always nice to her. You quickly befriend with the cute little ginger and take her to the arcade or play video games with her.

Once Billy gets his car you go on nightly car rides

He loves surfing, so he takes you to surf whenever he can. You have little competitions like "who can stay longer on the board?"

Or if you can't surf he will teach you.

Once you come out of the water he likes to walk around the beach, fingers intertwined, maybe get some ice cream or something. You guys would stay till ot gets dark.

Or sometimes even after that. Billy wound find a nice hidden spot where you can gaze up at the beautiful night sky as he holds you in his strong arms. And he has that smile on his face. You know it's a smile he only uses when it's just the two of you.

Like I said he is a show of and likes to drag you to parties so in return you drag him to demonstrations for women rights.

Billy loves listening to music and he loves you so listening to music with you is one of his favorite things to do.

You met his father and Susan when you ran over to his house to return his jacket.

Susan opens the door, asks who you are and when you tell her that you are Billy's girlfriend she immediately invites you in

She tells Max to inform Billy that you're here

Susan was cooking when you knocked so you ask if you can help her in anything till Billy comes.

"Oh aren't you sweet! Thank you, I would appreciate it!"

You and Susan are in deep conversation while you are cutting some vegetables when Billy walks in.

"Babe? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just brought back your jacket."

That's when Niel enter the kitchen too. He doesn't even says hello, he is just like: "who the hell is that?"

"I'm, uhm.. I'm Billy's girlfriend, sir."

Neil snorts and turns to his son "Your girlfriend?" Billy just nods so Susan takes the opportunity to speak up

"She is such a sweetheart, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend Billy."

"I guess I just didn't had a chance to talk about her"

Now his dad is looking at you "Does he take good care of you?"

"Yes sir, Billy is a wonderful boyfriend!"

"Pff are you talking about my son?"

And you're looking at him like wtf.

Later Billy tells you about his dad and how he treats him.

First your just so angry, because how can someone do that to their children?

But than you comfort your boyfriend. Tell him how he deserves the word and how you will always be there for him.

Moving to different cities

Billy is heartbroken when he learns you have to move.

But than his father announces that they will move to Hawkins and now he is hating every one.

You are devastated too, obviously. You just want to cry and be held by Billy but he is too busy being angry at the world.

You find him at your hiding spot on the beach, smoking.

"Billy, please don't be like this, this is hard for me too!"

He is too afraid of living without you, you're the only good thing in his life. And he doesn't want to lose you too.

"Baby I don't want this..." his voices is barely louder that a whisper, and you know he is fighting with his tears too.

"Me neither, Billy but... But we could figure out something?"

"What? We will be so freaking far away from each other!"

"Yes I know, but after high school we could still come back to Cali and live in a cute house by the ocean like how we planned"

"I... Yeah. Yes, you're right. But still, i don't know what will I do without you."

You sit next to him "We will talk. Every day on the phone. And I will write you."

The they you have to say goodbye is the worst. You are both crying. He doesn't want to let you go. You ran your fingers through his hair, one last time. He kisses you.

"Promise you won't forget me, Y/N. "

"I couldn't never!"

"Just promise."

"I promise, that I won't ever forget you Billy Hargrove."

[sebseyesandbuckysthighs]

Three Soldiers and a Baby | Part Ten

summary: Three handsome bachelors find their day to day operations disrupted when an unexpected new roommate (who comes complete with a diaper and a pacifier) shows up at their doorstep. How will they deal with this new and baffling responsibility without losing their minds or killing each other in the process?

pairings: Bucky x Reader (eventual) featuring Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

warnings: none, just make-believe goodness and cute boys with a baby

a/n: We’ve made it to part 10, hurray! Series is almost done, darlings! Just 5 more parts (including the epilogue) and we’re all done with this cute little series! Hopefully you’ve been enjoying the journey so far and are looking forward to the rest! I’ve already finished editing the remaining parts and now I’m itching to get back to more writing. What ever shall I write next????

*warning to mobile users, the “keep reading” tab may not work so apologies in advance*

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | 

| previously |

He needed to cherish every moment he had with her, so for the next half hour, Bucky spent his time walking around the apartment with his little girl in his arms. Talking to her was quickly becoming his new favorite thing to do as she seemed to cling to every word he said. Completely enraptured in the way his lips moved and the sounds she couldn’t comprehend. The times when she would smile or giggle were the best and Bucky was sure his heart stopped each time.

The next morning Steve and Sam woke up earlier than usual, practically jumping with anxiety about Bucky’s first night spent at home with the baby. Upon reaching the living room, though, they learned that all their fears had been completely unfounded. There on the large living room couch was Bucky with his hands protectively cradling Ellie, both sound asleep.

Bucky couldn’t get enough of Ellie. Every little thing she did was magical to him. He was completely enraptured by her. When she slept, he would watch her with a lovestruck gaze and keep a protective watch over her. When she was awake, he would be doting on her and caring for her every need. His favourite thing to do was making her laugh and kissing her soft skin. Despite his earlier apprehensions about being a father, Bucky seemed to be taking it all in stride and falling into the role almost seamlessly. By mid afternoon, he started going on and on about how they needed to go out to the shops and pick up more things for Ellie. He even went so far as to be upset with Steve and Sam for not already going out to buy her a crib and highchair at least.

“Buck, we can’t just go out and shop for baby stuff.” Steve tried reasoning with him as he held Ellie in his lap while Bucky fed her her afternoon meal of peas and carrots. “What if someone recognized us?”

“I don’t care,” Bucky said as he scooped up the little bit of puree that dribbled down Ellie’s lips. She kept wiggling around in Steve’s arms and humming happily like she usually did when they fed her. “You like this stuff huh, baby girl?” Bucky said as he gave her another spoonful. Proud that his little girl was such a good eater. 

Sam was standing nearby in the kitchen, preparing lunch for the three men. He was the self-proclaimed chef of the apartment and rarely allowed Steve or Bucky to even get near his stove. He had been listening to Bucky go on and on all day about Ellie and all the things he had planned for her. As much as the little squirt had grown on him, he was starting to get fed up with her annoying as hell father. “Listen, we can see that you’re getting all excited to provide for your little girl. That’s awesome, man, but we have to think about the big picture here. If the public sees one of the Avengers, let alone all three of us, shopping for baby stuff, that’s gonna be huge news. It might even attract unwanted attention to who the mystery baby is.” Sam acknowledged the realistic argument and hoped Bucky would see the reason in it. 

Only Ellie’s little baby sounds could be heard as nothing was said while Bucky quietly thought over Sam’s words. He always thought Steve was the more spontaneous one in the group, but now that he thought about it he may have been getting ahead of himself. “Yeah you’re right. Ellie’s safety is my first priority.” He finally conceded. “But guys, I don’t want her sleeping in that tiny ass basket anymore. I want...I don’t know. Dammit, I just want more for her.”

“You want to spoil your little girl, Bucky. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Steve smiled at the brunette man currently looking a little red in the cheeks as he motioned for Steve to hand over Ellie now that she was done her food. Bucky kissed her messy chubby cheeks and smiled when she gave him a cute little giggle. “We’ll just have to order everything online and have it delivered. Like everything else in this day and age.” Steve assured. 

“I’m sorry, but did he just say I’m right?” Sam cut in, holding a whisk and pointing it at Bucky. “Can I have that repeated and recorded please? I need a new text tone.”

A couple of hours and a few thousand dollars later, Bucky was finally somewhat satisfied with their haul for Ellie. Each of their credit cards were used to help the cause, but that didn’t seem to bother any of them. Well, not too much at least. There were a few comments about how expensive baby shit was, but when Bucky insisted he needed the best for his daughter, the others couldn’t come up with a convincing counter-argument to that. Not that they really wanted to. They even paid extra for same day delivery. 

It was when everything arrived later that afternoon that they realized they may have bitten off more than they could chew. The highchair, stroller, and baby jumper were all simple enough. It was the big ticket items, like the crib and changing table, that took every ounce of patience and sanity the trio had left for each other. Bucky even bought one of those video monitors so he could keep an even better eye on Ellie while she slept. As though he would ever leave her alone. 

All of her new clothes and toys were put away and the apartment was nearly done being baby proofed when they finally decided to call it a day on the baby things. Well, except Bucky of course. Sam was waiting patiently at the door for Steve to finish getting ready so they could leave together on their first night out of the house in a week. As much as he and Steve needed to get out of this apartment, and as much as they hated to admit, they were a bit apprehensive about leaving Bucky on his own for the first time with the baby. Aside from Steve being on his own for those few minutes during that first day while Sam ran out to get those supplies, there were always at least two people watching Ellie at one time. This was going to be another solo mission for Bucky and this time one could argue that the stakes were much larger.

“You sure you got this, Bucky?” Steve asked, trying to mask the hesitancy in his voice. Thankfully, Bucky was too distracted by Ellie to even notice. 

“Of course I’m sure. Nothing sounds better than spending the night in with my little girl. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” He smothered Ellie’s face in kisses causing her to erupt into loud peals of laughter and rub her little hands all over Bucky’s beard. 

Steve smiled happily at the adorable pair. “Alright, but you’ll call us if you need anything, right? We’ll call during intermission.” He and Sam were finally going to go out and see that show with a few of the other Avengers, but they were less than excited about it this time. 

“Yeah, man. Just go. We’re going to be fine, Steve. Stop worrying so much about everything and just go out and have some fun, man.” Bucky cradled Ellie in one arm and pushed Steve toward the door with the other. With one final goodbye and another few pushes, the other two soldiers were out the door and Bucky was finally going to spend some quality time with his firstborn.

“Did you try his cell?” Sam asked, an edge seeping into his tone.

“Three times!” Steve exclaimed worriedly, gripping his phone a little too tightly that he was sure to break it. “He’s not answering.”

It was intermission at the show and as Nat, Wanda and a very human looking Vision were out at the concessions, Steve and Sam were off in an alcove trying to call home. 

“What the hell is he doing?” Sam’s irritation was starting to compete with his concern.

Steve’s face paled as his lips pulled into a tight line. “What if something happened to them?”

“What’s going on, fellas? Show’s about to start.” Natasha’s voice came from behind Sam, nearly causing him to shriek in surprise, but he thankfully kept his cool. Almost.

“Nothing!” Both men shouted in unison and completely unconvincingly, which was evident by Natasha’s raised brow.

“Uh-huh. Okay guys, spit it out. What’s been going on with you two?” She confronted them. “We haven’t heard much from either of you all this week. Then the one day you do come out, you’re both acting all sketchy and itching to get back home. And before you decide to come up with some bullshit excuse I just want to remind you of who I am.”

They told her everything. 

Steve swung the door open with such force he was surprised it didn’t come off its hinges as he entered the apartment. Not far behind him were Sam and the others, desperate to see what was going on. Just as Steve was about to yell out for Bucky, none other than the man himself waltzed into the living room and he was doing something none of them were expecting. Bucky Barnes was singing. 

“I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Well I guess you'd say. What can make me feel this way. My girl.” He was swaying back and forth in front of the large window looking out onto the city. Ellie was wearing one of the pajama onesies they bought for her and he was in a pair of dark sweatpants and a tight tank top. The lights were set to low and there were even a few candles lit, but other than that, everything was as it was before the guys left.

“Bucky?” Steve called out, sounding a little like a frog was trapped in his throat. 

“Hm?” Bucky turned around towards the group at the door, only slightly confused. “What’s going on guys?”

“What’s going on?” Sam repeated, starting to fume. “What the hell do you mean what’s going on?! What are you doing, man? Why didn’t you answer your damn phone?!”

“Don’t yell, Sam. I’m trying to get her to sleep.” Bucky looked down to Ellie, kissing her head softly as she rested her head on his exposed chest. Neither of them seemed to sense the turmoil going on on the other side of the room as his friends stood there gawking at the scene before them. It was almost too much to process as Natasha, Wanda, and Vision looked back and forth between Bucky and the baby in his arms. They stood there seeing, just not quite believing it yet. 

“Bucky, we called you.” Steve breathed out, finally getting his heart rate to return to normal. “Why didn’t you answer?”

“Oh right, sorry about that, pal. I meant to text back, but me and Ellie were a little busy. Huh, baby girl?” He spoke down to her as they started to sway again. “We had a nice warm shower together, didn’t we? Then we played with some toys and I told her about some of the adventures I’ve had.” Bucky looked back up to the others. “Only the good ones, of course. Not the nightmares.”

No one at the door had bothered to make a move yet. Unconsciously deciding to stay rooted in place as the surrealness of the situation washed over them. Bucky started to pick up on their apprehension and instead decided to take action, addressing his curious friends. “Stop standing around like a buncha idiots and come meet my daughter, would ya?”

Feedback is always appreciated, leave it here!

part nine << part ten >> part eleven

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[hookedontaronfics]

Last Call - Part 3

Rating: Mature/Explicit Pairing: Taron x Reader Previous installments: Part 1 | Part 2 Warnings: Cursing, plenty of sexy times so get your cold showers ready A/N: Back by very popular demand, I finally decided to write a fitting end to what was supposed to be a simple One-Shot! After some at-length discussions I realized that I really did leave you all hanging. Plus I’m sure you’re all just some really thirsty people out there in need of a bit of quenching! So I truly hope you enjoy the conclusion to this wholly unexpected trilogy! X

You had just gone on your work break and decided to step out in the back alley to enjoy the rare sunshine. While winters in Seattle tended to be milder than most of the country, it rained a lot and you were grateful to feel the sun on your skin that day. Seattle could be gorgeous when it wanted to be. Your phone rang, and you grinned at who was calling. “You rang, boyfriend of mine?” you grinned.

“I did indeed,” Taron said happily on the other line. “Only to wish you a happy six months, of course.”

And what a six months it had been.

Ever since that fateful weekend in Seattle, when you’d not only met Taron at the bar by mere chance but also fallen for him hard, you two had kept up your relationship long distance. You had been apprehensive about how that would work, but Taron had made every effort to make you feel wanted and loved and not alone, whether it was video chatting until one of you passed out or him flying in for long weekends, which he did often. You had come to really rely on his companionship despite your initial hesitations. 

You had also quit your job and left your shitty boss behind at Taron’s encouragement, and you were so much happier for it now that you were working somewhere you actually felt appreciated. Sure, the work wasn’t nearly as interesting, but the job paid well and you were able to make headway on some of your debt too. You missed your former co-workers but still kept in touch, stopping by the Paramount when you knew your ex-boss wouldn’t be in.

“T, that’s so sweet of you,” you grinned, feeling warm and fuzzy inside and wondering at that. You weren’t usually the one to get mushy over any boy, but here Taron had completely affected that.

“I would never forget. It’s been incredible, hasn’t it?” he said, and you could practically hear the grin in his voice.

“It really has been, but I’m missing you like mad,” you replied, taking a seat at the picnic table that someone had managed to drag there years before. You picked at some of the chipping paint and sighed into the phone.

“I always miss you too. The minute we have to say good-bye is always agony. But the times we get to say hello, well, those are always so sweet. And if you just turned around, you could probably experience one of those hellos right now.”

You whipped around so hard you nearly toppled off the back of the picnic table bench, gasping as you saw Taron walking toward you, holding a massive bouquet of flowers and a bag from the deli across the way. You ran straight into his arms, making him chuckle as he held you as tightly as he could without crushing the flowers.

“How did you…?” you began.

“Do this?” he smirked. “It was really simple. I just called your boss and asked when you’d be on break. I had already flown in earlier today and have been biding my time and believe me it was so difficult to not just scrap my whole plan and come running into the store for you earlier.”

“This is the best surprise,” you squealed, accepting the beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers. He knew you so well by now.

You both sat down again at the table, pulling out croissant sandwiches from the bag. You had never expected to be having lunch with Taron in a Seattle alleyway, and the strangeness of that wasn’t lost on you. But it also felt like something both sweet and secretive, something the rest of the world didn’t get to see. Your relationship had been kept so under the radar that you weren’t even sure Taron’s family or friends knew about it. He’d been begging you to come to London just to visit and experience the city, but finding time in your schedule to do that had been difficult, especially after having just started a new job.

“So I have some good news for you,” you said to Taron, watching him take a massive bite of his sandwich. You had to shake your head; the man really enjoyed his food.

“Yeah?” he asked with his mouth still full, making you laugh.

“I just became eligible for vacation time so… I’ve put in for a week at the beginning of March so I can finally see London with you,” you said excitedly, and Taron nearly choked on his bite in his haste to reply.

“That’s amazing, love!” he grinned happily, managing to lean across the tabletop to steal a kiss or three from you. “You will love it there, I’m sure of it.” You both spent the rest of your lunch break making cute excited plans for London, and you wished so hard you didn’t have to go finish your shift, but Taron promised to be waiting for you at the apartment as you’d long ago already given him a key. Sometimes you had to work during his visits so he could come and go as he pleased while you were busy, and it seemed to work out well for the both of you.

You could hardly wait for the minute the clock hit 4 p.m. and you (safely) tore across the city as quickly as Seattle traffic allowed. You wanted to spend as much time with Taron as you possibly could around your weekend shifts, as his visit had been totally unexpected. Maybe, just maybe, you could get away with calling in sick tomorrow.

You let yourself into the apartment and called out “Babe, I’m home!” but didn’t get a response. “Taron?” you asked again, walking in. His duffle bag and jacket were sitting on the couch, so he’d definitely stopped in. You kicked off your flats, dropped your purse on the coffee table and padded your way barefoot to your bedroom, finding Taron crashed out on your bed. He looked so peacefully sweet you didn’t want to disturb him despite how much you wanted to spend time with him, so you crawled in next to him as he stirred slightly and then sweetly slid an arm around you.

“Mmmm how’s m’girl?” he mumbled sleepily, nuzzling into your neck.

“I’m very good now that I’m snuggling you,” you said sweetly, getting rewarded with the most adorable smile. You appreciated the way his lashes laid against his cheeks when his eyes were closed and the way the stubble covered his strong jaw. He had let his hair get a bit longer and the little curls made you feel so weak. Or maybe that was just Taron himself. You’d dated a lot of guys over the years, casually and seriously, ones both cute and broke and handsome and rich, but none of them had ever captured your heart the way he had. If there was ever a fairytale story, well, this one was yours.

“I suppose we shouldn’t lay around all day,” he chuckled.

“I really wouldn’t mind that,” you grinned back, gasping slightly when he finally opened his eyes and gazed straight into you. You shivered slightly, and with his arms around you he had to have felt that.

“And who would I be if I didn’t take my lady out for our six months?” he giggled lightly at that. “First food, then I get my dessert,” he said, waggling his brows at you, his voice full of a lust for you that always made you feel special. He certainly had a healthy appetite and you were more than happy to keep him fed.

“Oh fine, I guess,” you laughed, but you really did enjoy going out with him. Hell, you would be willing to spend time doing literally anything with him. The brief visits were always too brief, but he had made them often enough that you both had favorite places to share a meal together. Taron was craving Southpaw, a laidback wood-fired pizzeria, which suited you just fine as well.

You were seated at the eatery, thankfully flying under the radar, dressed casually as the pretense had long gone between the both of you. Occasionally when Taron visited you’d dress up and go to a fancy restaurant together, but some of your favorite moments were just the quiet easy ones, sitting on the balcony sipping wine together as dusk fell. And of course you had begun to wonder what that might feel like in London, and quite possibly for the rest of your life.

“What are you thinking?” Taron asked, having caught your far-off stare.

“Just… the future,” you said softly, taking a sip of your wine.

“In regards to what?” he asked sweetly.

“You and me, babe,” you smiled and he grinned in such a pure way, the adoration in his eyes plain as day.

“Well, you’ll be coming to London in just a couple months, and then I’m sure you’ll fall in love with it as much as with me,” he grinned. “And we have time, and we’ll figure all of this out. But I’m crazy about you.”

“I’m crazy about you too. Or maybe just crazy. Because that’s something I meant to tell you earlier, and I chickened out. I think we need to start this whole moving process now, because I’m not just visiting London in March. I only booked a one-way ticket. I’m not coming back here, not without you.”

He blinked several times, trying to process this, before the grin spread across his face, lighting up his eyes too. “You did? Really? You’ve never even seen London. I wouldn’t want you to be miserable there.”

“I could be happy literally anywhere as long as I have you. I know that sounds a bit corny or cliche, but I think it’s true. I’ve been happy here in Seattle, and the vibe fits me. But that doesn’t even remotely compare to how I feel in my soul when I’m with you. So if the choice is to be happy here and alone, or miserable in London but at least fully with you, then there really is no contest here. And I doubt London will make me miserable anyway. It can hardly be worse than 5 p.m. rush hour traffic in Seattle,” I said, making him chuckle, but also having to dab his napkin at the corners of his eyes.

Our pizzas arrived then, making my mouth water with how good everything smelled. I was definitely going to miss this pizza, that’s for sure.

“You are crazy, you know that?” Taron teased you lightly. “But I love every bit of that crazy.”

“I may be crazy, T, but at least I don’t eat pineapple on my pizza.” You enjoyed giving him endless shit over that, but he would never change his ways no matter how much you tried.

“Mmm, well, at least I still get laid,” he shrugged, making you giggle.

“Is that so?” you smirked lightly at him.

“Prove me wrong,” he said, raising an eyebrow and giving you a dead stare. Shit, he had you there; you could barely wait to get your hands on him. But he also underestimated your ability to live up to a challenge.

“Alright. I accept your challenge,” you said, grinning a bit wickedly when he frowned at that. You knew he was already trying to come up with some way out of this.

“We have to agree on terms first,” he finally spoke up.

“Well, what have you got in mind?” you asked quietly, fully aware of the way he was looking at you, hunger in his eyes.

“I’ll only agree that pineapple is unacceptable on pizza if you can resist me for a night,” he said. “And I get to do whatever I want to try and break your resolve.”

“Oh holy Jesus, that’s a bit much, isn’t it?” you asked, a bit breathlessly.

“Well you did start this,” he smirked, picking a piece of pineapple off his pizza and popping it in his mouth before slowly sucking the juice off his finger. You’re not even sure he had meant that to be sexy but you blushed and had to look away for a moment. This night was going to destroy your willpower and you knew it.

“Fine, I accept your terms, you pineapple-loving bastard,” you said, both of you laughing over that. You ate quickly, the low buzz of tension hanging in the air around you as you finished your pizzas and wine, paid the tab and headed back to the car. You had driven to the pizza place and realized just how much leverage that gave Taron as you slid behind the wheel, your heart already starting to thrum in your chest and he hadn’t even touched you. You were seriously going to have to get a grip if you were going to last the night at all.

You knew failure was going to be the inevitable outcome, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t give it one hell of an effort first.

You carefully put the car in gear and pulled out into the streets, and Taron seemed preoccupied with flipping through the radio stations until he settled on something playing Bowie. You were all too aware of his very male presence in your car. You wanted him, but now you had to keep yourself from wanting him, and you somehow felt like this had all been a trap even though you were the one who set it up in the first place. He eventually slid a hand onto your lower thigh, and you managed to bang your knee into the steering wheel, nearly smashing his hand against it in the process.

“Jumpy, are we?” he just smirked, staring at the side of your face as you blushed hard.

“No, not at all,” you hissed slightly, and Taron just chuckled, the sound low and sexy. He knew he could play you like a fiddle, and he was going to bide his time doing it too.

You made the drive as carefully as possible, always mindful of Taron’s hand on your leg, but he didn’t move it any higher, instead only giving you a reassuring squeeze or drumming his fingers in beat to a song, which was just cute. You had started to finally calm yourself down by the time you pulled into your apartment parking lot, but the night was definitely still young.

Taron suggested putting on a movie and you had no other ideas to suggest, so you cuddled in with him as he picked something you had both already seen before. He pulled a blanket around you both and leaned his head cutely against yours as the movie started.

“Happy six months, love. I really am so grateful for you,” he said, kissing you on the forehead sweetly.

“And I’m so grateful for you, too,” you smiled back, always a sucker for his soft, vulnerable side.

“Just imagine where we’ll be in another six months,” he grinned happily.

“Your place in London, probably doing much the same as we are right now,” you giggled softly.

“And maybe we’ll be so much more than that too,” he whispered softly, his green eyes glowing in the reflected light of the movie. You stared up at him, feeling your heart leap a bit into your throat as you tried to assess the meaning behind his words.

“Are you suggesting what I think you are?” you asked.

“Of course I am. You’ve been the happiest part of my days since the convention. And I know this long-distance thing hasn’t been ideal, but we’ve only kept growing. I don’t feel the need to keep us in a holding pattern for forever to know the outcome. I already know how I feel about you,” he said sweetly, reaching up to caress your face. You felt butterflies in your stomach as you gazed up at him, so happy and in love with this man it was beyond your comprehension.

He leaned in and captured your lips in a searing kiss, leaving you burning all the way to your toes. You gasped when he pulled away, only to trail those kisses along your jaw and down your throat, nipping softly at the skin there, his own breath sounding a bit shaky. You let out a moan and then realized very quickly where this was going.

“No, no, no, you can’t get me that easily with all of your sweet promises for the future,” you grinned, pushing him away slightly and leaving him pouting at you slightly. “I know what game you’re up to here.”

“And damn if it didn’t almost work,” he winked at you, resettling into the couch and focusing back on the movie. You did the same, and just when you thought he wasn’t going to make another pass you felt his hand find your waist under the blanket. You couldn’t help but smile as he sought your skin under the hem of your shirt, but you were already keyed up so when his fingers made contact with your belly it still made you suck in your breath sharply.

“Alright there, love?” Taron asked innocently, as if he had no idea what his hand was getting up to.

“J-just fine,” you stammered slightly, determined to not let him have an effect on you as he clumsily undid the button on your jeans. How he could look totally nonplussed at the action was beyond you; it’s what made him such a brilliant actor, you thought ruefully. The fact that his face gave none of this away, as his fingers slid beneath the waistband of your jeans and drew fire down below, was a rare talent indeed. You thought about stopping him then and there since what he was doing was really rather obvious, but you also thought about testing your own resolve, and you also had to admit you just really needed him to touch you. The weeks between visits, even when you used video chats to get yourselves off, still always felt far too long to wait.

He gently rubbed you through your panties, genuinely surprised to find you already so wet for him, and you couldn’t resist at least pulling him down to your mouth to kiss you, both of your heavy pants mingling together. He pushed your panties aside slightly and his fingers found your dripping slit, running over your folds slightly and turning you into a moaning mess as your head fell backwards and he attacked your throat with more of those mind-melting kisses, leaving you pretty much helpless under his ministrations. The movie was long forgotten at this point, even though you were still pretending to be interested in it and not what Taron was doing, slowly pumping his fingers in and out of you, drawing the sensations out as his lips set your nerves ablaze.

“You’re going to beg me at some point, love,” he whispered in your ear, and you moaned loudly at that, knowing full well you wanted him moving inside you, to feel his cock filling you to the brim, leaving nothing of you untouched. Sex with Taron always left you feeling turned inside out, but it was also the headiest experience you’d ever had in your life. And somehow it just always kept getting better.

He added his thumb to circle your clit, and you felt the edge rushing straight up to meet you, but somehow he kept you tantalizingly on the edge. He was right, you were going to beg him and soon if he didn’t stop this sweet torture.

Just as you were about to open your mouth to surrender, he pulled his hand away completely, and you groaned grumpily at the loss of contact.

“What do you think you’re up to?” you whispered, watching him.

“This was just a good bit in the movie,” he said cheekily, leaning forward as he stared at the TV screen and ignored you completely.

“Taaaron,” you whined slightly, you body still completely turned on and needing release.

“Yes?” he asked, arching an eyebrow at you. “Just say the magic words,” he teased. “Pineapple belongs on pizza.”

“I’m not saying that, you ass!” you laughed, tossing a couch pillow at him, which he easily deflected.

“Then at least tell me I’m the best boyfriend in the world,” he grinned.

“You’re the most annoying boyfriend in the world, that’s what. Leaving a lady all shook up,” you huffed, and the corners of Taron’s eyes crinkled up as he smirked at you.

“Oh alright then,” he said, turning off the movie and scooping you up off the couch in one swift move, carrying you straight to the bedroom and dumping you on the bed. You instantly were throbbing all over again for him as he fairly yanked your jeans right off your body and tossed them aside without a second thought.

You were already soaking at this point but he chose to leave your panties on for the moment, pushing your shirt up and dropping wet sloppy kisses on your stomach as he hovered over you.

“Oh fuck,” you gasped softly, arching your back slightly, your need for him growing by the second. His hot breath against your skin ignited something deep and wild inside you as you struggled to not just grab him and toss him to the bed yourself. He slowly and painstakingly pulled your panties down your legs, gazing at your core with hunger in his eyes. He hooked your legs over his shoulders and then leaned in, licking from your folds to your clit as you fisted the sheets and let loose the loudest moan you could. If the neighbors heard, well, let them be jealous, you thought with a giggle before Taron’s tongue shut you up again.

And god, was he talented with that tongue, sucking your clit and lapping at your juices and eating you out like a man deprived. You felt like a balloon about to burst, the threads of your dawning orgasm drawn back so tightly that it was almost physically painful, until with one great shout you were coming hard, your legs and entire body shaking as you were quite lost to the pleasure streaming through you. You were so lost that you didn’t even notice Taron tossing his own clothes aside, grabbing a condom and sliding it on, and then nuzzling into your neck as he waited for you to calm down enough for him to slide himself home. When he joined your bodies you both groaned in unison. You wrapped your arms around his neck, the familiar weight of him pressing you into the sheets a welcome feeling.

You felt yourself tearing up slightly, even as he waited for your permission to move.

“Everything alright, love?” he asked gently, taking in your absolutely shattered expression.

“God, beyond alright, T. I’ve just never felt so in love with anyone before,” you whispered softly. “Being with you just really feels like coming home.”

“Bringing you to London really will be coming home,” he said sweetly. You stared up into his face, feeling every bit of your heart falling into pieces, but then being put back together, stronger than before, because it was only beating for one man. 

He leaned in and kissed you slowly and sensually, and began thrusting his hips into you, awakening the blooms of pleasure in your core once again. The lust soon took over the sweetness of the moment, and you both got lost in each other’s arms as he pounded into you, needing his high just as badly after having made this night all about you.

His thrusts were quickly becoming sloppy as you felt your body spiraling out, the orgasm softer and slower but just as sweet as Taron spilled into you, his guttural moans filling the room. He eventually collapsed to the sheets next to you, pulling you to him as you both laid there for a long moment, trying to catch your breaths. Everything about this moment felt right.

“Well now I’m fucking dead, so thanks for that. Remind me to never challenge you again,” you giggled softly as he sweetly stroked your hair.

“Oh, but I so enjoyed trying to break you,” he chuckled back, his eyes fairly twinkling at you.

“Mission…accomplished,” you said weakly. “But I’m still never going to order pineapple on my damn pizza so we’ll always have to order his and hers,” you joked.

“That can be arranged, darling,” he grinned before turning more serious. “I meant what I said earlier. About the future. That wasn’t even part of the game. You know that, right?”

“Of course, T. That’s why I’m emotional right now,” you smiled, still fighting off the tears that threatened to overtake you.

“I can see our entire life together now, and it’s a very happy one,” he said, kissing your forehead so sweetly you ached inside. How did this man find you, and change everything about your life? Before it was aimless, without much meaning; you hoped eventually you’d find someone to sweep you off your feet, but you hadn’t realized how hopeless you’d been feeling until Taron had walked into that bar that day.

“I think I’ll be very happy living out your vision,” you replied, your eyes alight with all of the love you felt for him. You ran your fingers through his curls, feeling everything just falling into place.

You hadn’t realized it then, six months ago, that Taron would truly come to be your last call. You would never again be left wanting, hoping, or fearful of the future. He was the only person you wanted to be with; the person who understood you, who satisfied you in every way, who had softened the bitterness around your heart. Taron had left you so full of life and joy and hope and love that your glass would never feel empty again.

~Fin~

[xladyxfatex]

Little Dove (Chapter Three)

(Warning includes smut)

A huge thank you to @neversatisfiedgirlfics for writing the smut in this chapter when my mind just could not handle it. And another huge thank you to @theworldofotps for always helping with this. You both rock!

_________

~*3 months later*~

It's been 3 months since the two had agreed to take things slow. Filming for the new season would be done in another 2 months. Nicole had spent a great deal of time if set, often helping with the catering. During down time, which was rare, Norman and Nicole would talk, go on dates, and help each out. Nicole was finally seeing that Eric was actually wrong about Norman and that he really did truly love her. 

Today and tomorrow happen to be two days off for the cast and crew, and Nicole had a devilish idea in mind. She had asked Andrew to take Norman all for the majority of the day but to have him back by 6pm. Andrew agreed though wasn't entirely sure what the hell they'd do for that long. "Food, movies and video games. Those should keep you guys busy long enough." Nicole had told him. While away Nicole went to pick up ingredients for a romantic dinner. 

She if course grabbed their favorites, steaks, potatoes, salad fixing, and everything needed to make Baklava. After getting everything back to the suite, Nicole began to marinate the steaks, and assemble the Baklava. Since those would take the longest. Once those were started she ran to the liquor store, she grabbed a nice bottle of red wine, and if course whiskey his favorite brand and grabbed a bag of ice.

 She had already had nice tableware from the few gatherings she held for the cast and crew, most days off she was in charge of making "family dinner" but not this time she had nicely informed her friends that she needed this time for something special, and with the way her eyes sparkled and the smile on her face everyone knew what was to come, at least they hopped they did.

Once back she placed the wine in the fridge the whiskey on the counter and the ice in the freezer. She took out the potatoes, peeled and cut them, and placed them in a pot with cold water, salt and a lid. Checking the time it was 2:45pm, she still had time. She was always one to get prep work done so she only had to worry about actually cooking the meal. 

She prep the salad and made homemade dressing. During which time she also made the honey sauce for the Baklava that was just about to finish cooking. Pulling it from the oven she poured the sauce over the top,  then wrapped the top with tinfoil and carefully placed it on the bottom shelf in the fridge. 

Running over the check list in her head, she found she was caught up and actually ahead of the schedule she set for herself. She went to look through her clothes she wanted something special for tonight, but nothing she saw seemed good enough. Huffing, she checked the time again.....3:15pm......well she could go to the mall quickly and pick something out. 

Once at the mall she went to a small  boutique shop, walking in she was pleasantly greeted by a very tall man. She had informed of her plans for the evening without giving away too much of course and that she wanted something special to wear for it. He looked her up down, had her do a spin ((which Nicole thought was hilarious))

Jerhiam, the store clerk looked around the shop. "Aha! Yes girl this dress is exactly what you need for tonight, go on try it on." He hand  Nicole, a midnight blue strapless dress and waved her off to the dressing rooms. Once inside she removed her combat boots, peeled off her ripped blue jeans, and took off her black tank top. She slipped into the beautiful dress and when she looked in the mirror her jaw nearly hit the floor.

The dress once on came to just above her knees ((that's what happens when one is under five foot)) it was sleek and hugged her in all the right places. The midnight blue color setting off her eyes and fair skin. 

"Girl! Get out here and let me see you in the dress. I have to know if I was right or not." Jerhiam called out. Nicole slowly came out from the dressing room and Jerhiam squealed. "Oh hunny you look perfect!" He said jumping around still squealing which caused Nicole to laugh.

Once changing I to her normal clothes, Nicole went and paid for her new dress. She then went to a few other stores for new undergarments and a new pair of shoes. Checking the time it was 4:45pm and she needed to get back to get a shower and dinner started 

Meanwhile Andrew and Norman were enjoying a guys day. It was nice but damn Norman really had wanted to spend these 48 hours with just Nicole.

"What do you think Nicole's doing?" Norman asked absentmindedly. Andrew laughed. "You two have made some great progress over the last 3 months. Besides you'll be with your Little Dove soon enough. Just do all of us a favor yeah?" 

Norman raised an eyebrow as he lifted he heading signaling his friend to continue. "Don't hurt her, don't treat her like some fan girl you'd fuck and never see again. She's become like a little sister to many of us and will hurt you if you hurt her. If you have noticed since she's been here this season it's been peaceful, no fights between cast and crew. She has a way about that makes everyone claim. So don't fuck this up cause Kirkman already wants her back next season, did you know she not only helped when catering was short handed but she helped with several of the revisions? She amazing."

Norman knew how amazing Nicole is,  though not that she had been so extra helpful. "Yeah man I don't plan on fucking shit up with my Little Dove. I've waited and I'm still waiting we aren't officially together yet, but I know when she's ready she'll tell me." Both Norman and Andrew smiled at that, Andrew a little more cause he knew what she planned for tonight.

Nicole set the table, and started the potatoes on a low heated boil. She decided to cook the steak in cast iron pans with a method she learned from watching Alton Brown on Good Eats. While the oven and cast irons heated up in the 500 degree oven, Nicole ran to the fridge to grab the rolls. 

5:45pm the steaks were done and resting, the potatoes mashed and seasoned, and the rolls in the oven. Once pulled out she placed them in a bread basket and covered with a towel to help keep warm. Finally she ran off to shower. She had texted Andrew and asked that he keep Norman just an extra 10 minutes. Which he had happily agreed to.  A quick shower and shave, and she was out blow drying her long dark locks while trying to put on her new black lace panties and matching bra. Finally finished with her hair she put on her new dress and shoes. Sprayed her favorite body spray Hawaiian Ginger, and put a light shade pink lipstick. Make up was never her forte. 

Once done she had just moments to plate the food, and now now her nerves hit, the butterflies in her stomach felt huge and she swore she was sweating bullets. 'Ugh get your shit together Nicole! It's just Norman you both already know how each other feels!' After mentally scolding herself and putting the salad bowl on the table along with the wine and whiskey she heard a knock at her suites door. 'Here goes nothing.' Taking a deep breath she answered the door.

Norman stood there jaw on the floor and shock and surprise in his eyes. He looked Nicole up down and would be damned to say the girl looked stunning.

A soft giggle brought Norman back to reality.  "Come in, dinners gonna get cold if you don't." The sweet smile on her face was equally to the amazing smell filling her suite. Walking towards the table Norman saw what she had been doing all day.

"I made your favorites, plus Baklava for dessert." Sitting down everything looked amazing. "Nicole this meal looks and smells amazing,  and you.....you look stunning." Norman held eye contact with Nicole letting her know he meant his words.

The meal went smoothly, small talk here there about the things the other may have missed, Norman noticed how Nicole kept biting her bottom lip, and that alone was doing things to him.

"Can you please stop biting your lip?" 

The question itself slightly confusing the woman in front him.

"What's wrong with me biting my lip?" The pure innocence in her voice causing even more thoughts to flood his mind. 

"Norman, I...umm..." she trailed off as she stood from the table and fixed her dress. 'Damnit Nicole you can do this' she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath she walked over to him slowly and looked deep in his eyes, she cupped his face in her small hands and kissed him.

Norman was a little too shocked to react and after a few moments of not responding,  Nicole began to pull away. She felt like damn fool. Waving it off as nothing she began to walk to living room when she felt a pull on her wrist. She spun around and was met with Norman lips on hers. It was a kiss of need, hungry and passion.  Reciprocating his kiss she slid her arms around his neck to pull him closer. His tongue grazed her bottom lip and she slowly opened allowing him to slip inside and explore every inch of her mouth.

Their tongues danced together almost as if in a  choreographed dance. When the need for oxygen became overbearing the broke the kiss. Panting he looked into her eyes, as much as he had craved this moment and what it would lead to he had to know she wanted it too. Otherwise it just wasn't happening no matter what.

Licking his bottom lip and asked "Nicole, is this what you want? Because if not tell me to stop now and I will." He trailed his fingers down her face stopping just above her exposed cleavage.

Her breathing hitched, as she bit her lip once again. "Yes Norman, this is what I want.  I want you.....all of you. Please?" She stared into his beautiful eyes, for too long she had wanted him, and after their confessions he had waited so patiently. He helped her see he wasn't his reputation, and he wasn't what that asshole had claimed.  Her feelings for him grew exponentially. Everytime he'd hold her or graze her skin it sent electricity through her body a feeling she'd never experienced with anyone else. 

Cupping her face in his hands he brought her in for another heated kiss, this one filled with need, want, and lust. His hands slid from her face down her neck to her hips, squeezing them lightly, drawing her closer to his body. Her hands slipped round his neck, lightly tugging on his hair earning her a moan from him. 

The want in Nicole was dyer, this was something she had fantasized about too many times to count. Her hands feverishly roamed his body, down his musclury chest, stopping at the hem of his tee shirt. She craved to feel his bare skin. Slightly tugging his shirt up, Norman stops her holding her hands in his. 

He wanted this, he truly did, but she wasn't just another notch in his bed post, no her face was the one he'd see when with all those other women, her voice what he heard. He wanted Nicole in the worse way writhing under him panting and screaming his name, but he also wa wanted to do this the right way. She means the world to him, and he wasn't going to let either of them rush this.

Gently removing her hands from the hem of his shirt, and pulling away from the kiss, he leans his forehead on to hers. He softly whispers.

"I don't want us to rush this. I want to do this right. Show you how wonderful and beautiful you are."

A small whimper escaped past her lips as she slowly pulled back. He took that moment to remove her clothes piece by piece with careful, slow hands. It was so much more than what he’d done with the others. All the instances of rough, careless trysts couldn’t compare to this singular moment. 

This was a line they had never crossed. This felt like it could change everything. But it also felt...right. Like it should have happened a long time ago.

He laid her down and she felt his calloused hands graze her skin. She trembled at his gentleness and the slight waver in his touch.

Norman was as nervous as she was, she realized. This eased her mind, knowing he could feel how different this was. And as they explored her body, she felt it more deeply than she could ever say.

His fingers cradled the swell of her breasts, teasing the nipples with his thumbs, then his mouth. The way Nicole arched and moaned made him throb even more. With his tongue and teeth he brought them to the pearl, then trailed lower down her body, where the scent of her arousal almost made him growl. 

A gasp left her lips as a finger drifted along her slick folds, circling the bundle of nerves. But when he lowered his mouth to taste her, another sound came out. One that she’d never heard before, not even with Eric.

At that he looked up from where he rested between her legs. “You alright, darlin’?”

Nicole nodded, blushing a little. “I-I’m fine. Please don’t stop.”

“I won’t. I promise.” His words were a caress that made her quiver, and she believed every one of them.

He gave slow, penetrating kisses to her core. Her taste was addictive, more heady than the strongest whiskey. His tongue swirled and played upon her sensitive clit as his lips held it in place. Nicole writhed and moaned beneath him, to the point Norman wrapped his arms around her thighs to pin her down.

Oh no, she was not gonna run from him. Not this time.

She thought she would lose her mind. The way he zeroed in on her swollen bud, how he focused solely on her pleasure...like no one ever had. 

It was too much. Too much…

Before Nicole could finish her thought, her body was awash in a trembling orgasm that left her breathless. 

She was so shaken by the release, she barely noticed the tears that streamed down her cheeks. Or the tender fingers that wiped them away. 

“Nicole…?” Norman looked concerned until she gave him a nod and a soft smile. 

“I’m alright,” she breathed. “I need you.”

He kissed her soft and slow. “You have me, darlin’,” he whispered back.

Before she knew it, Norman turned on his back so she was straddling his lap, feeling her core hot and wet against him.

“Tell me what you need,” he whispered, his other hand guiding his cock in tiny circles against her clit. “Tell me.”

“You. Fuck, I need you. Please…”

She sounded so beautiful when she pleaded for him. 

He pushed into her slick entrance. So slow, so steady, so deep. God, the stretch….he filled her completely. It was...she couldn’t describe...

“Ride me,” his voice directed in that wrecked timbre. “I’m yours. Take what you want.”

Nicole’s uncertainty vanished when she realized he was letting her set the pace. No one had ever given her that before.

Her body rolled and rocked, his hands resting on her hips. The sounds they made were like sacred hymns, the bed was their temple. Her whimpers and cries melded with his moans and curses in a dissonant but perfect harmony. 

Norman pulled Nicole closer, hand on the back of her neck, kissing her as though his life depended on it. 

It wouldn’t be much longer now. For either of them.

“...I can’t...I...I’m gonna…” She was spiraling towards the edge.

“Fuck, me too.” 

He moved a hand between them, placing a single teasing finger on her clit. “Let me see you, darlin’. Let me watch you come. I bet you’re so fucking beautiful when you come…”

It was as if the world exploded, by the way she shuddered and cried into a full-body orgasm. 

He followed right after, erupting into heated spurts within her, gripping her tightly as he found release. 

Nicole heard her name in a whisper as he rested his head against her chest. She held Norman close, stroking his hair as they slowly came down from their high. 

Norman stroked Nicole's now disheveled hair, while she absentmindedly traces patterns on his chest. Neither had ever experienced something that earth shattering before. He observed her sweat covered body and the way it seemed to glisten in the moonlight. He was memezoried by her but now it was something more. And fuck, what happens now, he didn't want this to ruin what they had spent a lifetime building.

As if she could read his thoughts Nicole picked her head up off his chest and softly spoke.

"Norman, I love you and I have for so very long. I don't feel like what we just did was a mistake, it was far from. I can tell you're worried this ruined our friendship, but….." she trailed off as she moved away from him. He felt like everything was beginning to fall to shit and fast.

"...but what if...what if friends was never what we were destined to be? What if we were always supposed to be more?" As the words left her lips they became quieter barely above a whisper. Norman almost couldn't make out the end of what she had said, but when he did, a huge smile was on his face. He slid closer to her wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Yeah? You really feel that way don't you Little Dove?" She could feel the smirk against her neck as he spoke. And she couldn't help but smile. Turning to face him she placed a kiss on his lips.

"Only if you want me as more, otherwise ...we can always pretend-" she was abruptly cut off by Norman's protest.

"Never! I don't ever want to pretend that this didn't happen. Do you have any idea how many nights I've thought about what this would have been like? Let me tell you everything I pictured was wrong. It was so much better in so many ways that I can't even explain. If you think I'm just going to forget this you're dead wrong."

Nicole stared at Norman. Was this possible? Was he saying he had thought about this situation with her before? She had to have heard that wrong, there was no way……'he always was protective, hated it when others would touch me. Hated when I'd tell him about my newest relationship and ask his advice.' Her thoughts were becoming scattered and unfocused.

Jumping from the bed she ran to the bathroom and locked the door. Thoughts and memories running rampant in her mind. She needed to compose herself and fast. She began deep breathing. 'Alright look 3 months ago we both admitted we loved each other. We've been unofficially dating since that time. Let's NOT lose our shit over this.' Finally calm Nicole went back out to Norman. He sat on edge the bed still head in his hands. She sank to her knees and removed his hands looking up at him. Gently rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand she held, she spoke sweetly.

"I am so sorry, I shouldn't haven't reacted that way. I was just...surprised by that small confession, but I would be lying if I said I had never thought the same. Often times in fact over the years ..." Her face became red from embarrassment, and she hung her head. Norman couldn't help but chuckle. To him not only was she beautiful and innocent still but the fact the fact that she'd gotten so embarrassed over confessing she thought of him in such a way was just the cherry on top.

"Come here darlin' let's go shower off and get some rest yeah? I've got filming in the morning and I believe your on set for something? Andrew didn't exactly tell me what though." 

Nicole blinked, oh shit, yeah she was supposed to be on set tomorrow, she's running lines with one of the other cast mates, they needed someone to help since the actress playing the new role ditched because of something or other. She didn't want to tell Norman that though, she wasn't sure he'd be happy. Since casting was going to take forever and they had already gotten through most of the season the new female character was supposed to be introduced at the mid season break then run til at least the end of next season. Depending of course on how the fans react to her.

Norman out stretched his hand to help Nicole to her feet. He gathered his boxers, while she grabbed and oversized t-shirt and boy shorts , and the two headed to the bathroom to shower. 

[purplesurveys]

778

Do you have unlimited texting? This is normally the case but because of the quarantine and school closing down, I’ve had no reason to keep texting people. But yeah, I used to get unlimited texting at the start of the week.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear my dad chopping in the background as he’s making dinner, and the dining room TV playing on my right.

Whose bed did you sleep on last night? My own. The first good sleep I’ve had in weeks, and I actually pulled out my blanket.

Have you ever slept a whole day away? I have but it’s very seldom. I hate wasting away a whole day, no matter how tired I was the day before.

Will you keep your last name when you get married? I’ll hyphenate so that I keep my middle initial and last name, and I’ll be able to get my new last name as well.

Do you think you’ll have the same best friend a year from now? Idk man, crucial times ahead what with growing up and the possibility of taking grand opportunities and stuff. For the first time ever I’m not so sure I’ll still keep the same friends I have now.

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I’ve thought about it as a rebellious, angsty teen lol but I was never hell-bent on getting one. I remember leaning more towards a lip ring or nose stud.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes cigarettes? It used to until I realized that I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that prohibits my SO from doing stuff, so eventually I had to let it go. Now the only time it would matter to me is if I notice they smoke one too many cigarettes.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? Kinda, but I’m not super sad or resentful about it. I miss Chelsea and Kaira, but I’m okay with our only interactions being liking and sharing each other’s posts these days. I’m not desperate to be as close as we were, and all I want is for them to be happy where they are now.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you? This question is very broad lmao and yes, there’s always a thing or two everyone wants to change. I wish I made friends earlier in college so that I didn’t have an awful first year, for one.

Do you want to get married? I do.

How many times have you really truly been in love? Just once.

Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? No. As much as possible I don’t like losing in every sense of the word hahaha, so I made sure I didn’t waste my chances with Gab while they were already in front of me. Whether it turned out for the good or bad, my mindset about it is that at least I got to say “I gave it a shot.”

Do you know what it’s like to be truly happy? Not consistently. I have days where my happiness is through the roof, but they are brief and quick. I still have to work my way around life a bit to figure out how to be happy for a longer time.

Are you able to grab your cell phone without moving from where you are? Yes. I don’t even have to stretch my hand much.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back? Maybe in high school. I like my sleep time these days lol

Is there something you’re looking forward to? They’ve already loosened lockdown rules in my province and anyone aged 21-60 can go out now provided it’s for an essential errand. Now I’m just waiting for something urgent to come up and I’m back on the road aaaahhhhh.

Is there someone you’re attracted to? Yes, very.

Was yesterday/last night enjoyable for you? It was different and quite enjoyable, yes. The weather was a lot colder last night because a typhoon that briefly passed by, which meant it’s the first time we got cold air since like February. I felt more relaxed than usual and I even watched a couple of episodes of Descendants of the Sun hehehehe

Want someone or something you can’t have? I want things to be back the way they were, but that is obviously not happening for a while.

Something that happened today that made you angry? Mmm I guess the time I was venting to Gab about a problem of mine this afternoon and she chimed in with input that I thought wasn’t 100% sensitive and worsened my anxieties. I know it hadn’t been ill-intentioned, but I was still thrown off by it and I called her out.

Is there someone who you’d never thought you’d be friends with, but are now? Andrew. I spent a lot of time avoiding them from 2017-2018 because I found them too extroverted/invasive, but they were very persistent so one day I just gave up and let them into my circle lmao. No regrets though, they’re an amazing amazing friend.

Is there someone you thought you would never lose, but are gone now? Oh yeah. My high school friends and my old best friend, Sofie. I also thought Katreen was for keeps, but she gradually distanced herself from me through college. I don’t resent her for it though, she looks happier now than she ever was in high school and I’m glad she’s that way.

Who did you first see this morning besides family? I haven’t been out today so I’ve only seen family.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? Gabie.

Are all of your friends in relationships? Most of them are single, but a handful are in relationships.

Who is the last friend you saw? Gabie.

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

Where were you at 11 pm? Last night I think I was watching wrestling videos in my bedroom. Right now it’s only 10:09 PM.

Do you believe exes can be friends? They can but most of the time it’s never been the same experience. I’ve never heard of a breakup that was amicable enough that the couple was able to retain the exact same friendship they had before breaking up.

What color do you want to dye your hair? Dark green.

Do you think someone is thinking about you? It’s possible, but I doubt it. I haven’t been talking to people tonight.

Ever talked on the phone for more than 4 hours? No. When I have calls with my girlfriend that last for hours we usually just stay on the line in silence while we do our own thing, and that doesn’t really count as ‘talking on the phone.’

Are you basically a happy person? I’m a put-together person. I know how to look my 100% in public. But I’m not always happy.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I hope so.

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you? Yeah, everything.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? I certainly feel this way with Andrew as I find them to be a safe space. But I just choose to not tell them everything since I don’t count them as a best friend.

Are you Asian? Very.

Last movie you saw in theater? Knives Out, last December.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I objectively could. I’m not dependent on it or anything. But it would suck lol

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Many times.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yes, we get to do that sometimes. But we don’t do sleepovers often at my place so that my parents won’t start thinking that something’s up with us; and we don’t do sleepovers often at her place because I’m on very good terms with her parents and I don’t want to abuse it by constantly staying in their daughter’s room and obviously having sex with her under their roof lol

Could you last in a relationship for over a year? Duh.

Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? No ex.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? Not at all.

In the past 5 months, kissed anyone with the name starting with an J? Nope.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? It’s not my strongest suit so I don’t get compliments on my eyes in general. I do get compliments on my eyelashes because they’re super long, and apparently people are into that haha.

[aspiringhorrorauthor]

Hey who wants to hear the miserable story about how I had to deal with loneliness this year? Feel free to scroll on I just need to write it down to, I suppose close the chapter on the story? Read if your curious, or maybe also need guidance, or just want to learn some tips on how to help someone dealing with it. This will be poorly structured it’s just... getting it off my chest I guess.

People talk sometimes about university students often struggling with loneliness, and often going overlooked because they’re not seen as ‘vulnerable’ as other populations. I mean, look! They’re in a city! They go out every night and piss off the locals! They can’t be lonely!

It started back in 2018 (yup, that far back), when my friends decided that it would be better for my mental health if I didn’t live with them. No lie, that was the actual fucking reason. I was heartbroken; I’ve missed out on a lot of typical “growing up! Yay!” Type things because of my mental health, trauma and bullying and the fact that “living with friends” was gonna be added to the list was fucking heart breaking. But I dealt with it, because I had no where else to turn. No one else to move in with. I cried for like 2 hours solid after they so sweetly told me they didn’t want to live with me because I have *anxiety*. Not even one of the quote unquote “””scary””” mental illnesses (which would have been a MAJOR dick move), just plain old anxiety attacks and hiding from people to calm down. I proceeded to have break downs every Wednesday for 3 months while searching for somewhere to live, bc it was always a stabbing reminder that I was so unwanted.

(They planned to move in with 2 other people so it’s not even like they were only searching for a flat to fit *just* them)

I study 300 miles away from home, literally the exact opposite part of the country. Despite not having many friends growing up I was never lonely because I had a great family who would always chase it away. Maybe I was lonely a bit at school, but I could always come home and my parents chased it away. It was recurrent, but not constant.

I got a place for the new academic year. Studio flat, great location, tiny and over priced to Hell but I was in a safe area which was great because *no one was looking out for me anymore*. I didn’t have flat mates to check I was alive everyday, no one to chat to when I got home. If I got sick, I was completely on my own. My next door neighbour is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she’s a working professional, and I’m a second year student. Everyone else in studio flats are mature students, masters, phD students or working people. And me. I have so little in common with these people it’s tough to start a conversation with them.

My birthday is early in the academic year, so we didn’t celebrate it until about a month after. Half of my friends didn’t even bother, no card, no presents. Okay, fine, I’m not materialistic, but acknowledgement would have been nice I suppose. This is the only time they came around my flat, and they are the cake I baked to celebrate.

But they inexplicably started to just stop interacting with me. There were 5 of us, they’d pair up in lectures and only talk between themselves between lectures and left me sat quietly trying to speak to someone, ANYONE, because hello? I haven’t got FLATMATES. I talk to NO ONE outside of this “friendship” group. They don’t seem to care much, they just keep telling me how wonderful it must be to live in a studio.

They invited me round to celebrate another friend’s birthday at their shared flat. He gets presents from everyone, including the two that left me out. Their flat looks lived in, there’s board games out while I don’t have room for any of them in mine. They’ve got bean bags everywhere it looks so damn nice. “But your kitchen is bigger than ours!” Eve tried to tell me (an absolute LIE), but they don’t roll out of bed and immediately land in the kitchen. They don’t have to chose between watching tv, eating or living the flat any time they want to dry clothes bc there’s no room. I want to cry throughout the visit, I storm off once were done. I don’t know why. I know now.

Loneliness feels like a weight on your chest. It’s a double edged sword where both edges only cut you. You desperately seek interaction but it also upsets you. I wanted to hang out at their flat because I hadn’t hung out with them in nearly a month at this point, but when I got there I realised they hung out together every. Single. Night. While I cried alone in my room. It made everything so much worse. And they laughed it off.

They stopped posting in the group chat, they talked to me even less. Never invited me out, but there’s no way I could prove *they* went out so it was pointless complaining about it. I was meant to go to a concert with one of them, I reminded her about tickets an entire month before, offered to buy hers. She cancelled 5 hours beforehand. I went alone.

It was a Toyah concert. I fought back sobs in the opening song “Good morning universe”, because it repeatedly asks “how are you today?”. I was awful. I finally had it figured out. I was lonely, isolated, and I didn’t know what to do.

Before anyone gets too sad, the story only continues for 2 weeks past this concert.

1st November, they joke about how Blake, friend number 4, practically lives at their flat, and I get angry. Why does HE get to live there? Blake has flatmates, Blake’s not alone! I should be practically living there because there’s NOTHING in my flat but silence. The internet is on the fritz and I’ve yet to figure out the tv, I don’t even have background noise except the kettle! I storm off, vow to never interact with them again.

I go out for drinks with my neighbour for her birthday. She buys me a pint of coke bc I don’t drink. I hate coke, but I drink it all and chat with her friends. It was a great night.

That weekend I bake pumpkin cake and bread for knitting society, and calm down. I overreacted a bit surely. One more chance, that’s all I’ll give them. The cake and bread doesn’t all get eaten at the society so I bring some for them on the Monday.

Tuesday night is bonfire night. I sit in my flat wishing I could go out and see them rather than just hear them, but I don’t know where to go. I have no one to go with.

Wednesday im sat in lectures beside them, and a friend not in the group but still a friend comes over to chat. One of them excitedly tells her about how they went to a display last night “look at these photos I got of (friend in group)!” I ask if they went out last night, the phone is quickly put away, they ignore me. I ask again. The friend outside of the group is confused and leaves before the lecture starts. I spend 3 hours with loneliness ripping out my lungs, because how could they? They could’ve dropped me a message to say they were going and I could meet up, but they didn’t even do that? Why?

After the lectures finished I corner one of them. The first of my friends at university. The first person on my course I befriended. “Did you go out last night?” “Yes” “without me?” Another runs up “it was last minute it wasn’t planned!” Laughs it off. So I rush off. I don’t say good bye. That was it.

I went home and cried. Told my parents what happened. Cried down the phone to them. “It’s time to cut ties with them”. I know it is. It’s still hard.

So yeah. Miserable story. But any sad story should have a happy ending, right?

Yes.

The next day I told someone what had happened. She immediately called it bullshit and invited me to join her friends. They’re really nice. I like them.

I left the old group chat. No explanation, just “I’m hanging out with X now. Laters” and I left. I wrote my frustrations and explanation in a shitty poem, called it shitty in the poem itself, but also said they didn’t deserve better. They didn’t deserve even that, so I didn’t send it. I think it was a very sexy decision of mine.

But most importantly, through the hardest points, most of my weekly socialisation every week came from the two societies im part of: my society (knitting) and the nerd society. 4 1/2 hours a week of socialising isn’t enough, surprisingly. But it got me through.

But more importantly are the people I met there. I don’t want to tell them what happened, I fear they’ll be upset that they didn’t help more, but they helped so damn much. So much more than could ever be expected from anyone. That final Wednesday, when I’d cried my heart out, 2 people texted me out of the blue and lifted my spirits so much I laughed that evening where I’d cried in the day. Stupid texts too. “Baby rabbits and kittens, cos you’re a vet right?” And “I only just got this message, I would have LOVED some pumpkin cake 🙁”. Poor lads probably weren’t expecting the wild conversations we had afterwards but friendships blossomed from it. Sorry new friend, hope you like the cheese scone recipe you definitely did NOT see coming that day.

The society meets on a Thursday, but it was to be a video watching thing more than a social thing. Loneliness was still tearing me up inside, I wanted to talk to someone damnit! But I went because I needed cheering up. I laughed so hard, I sang theme songs with others, and we all went to the pub afterwards. I’d never been before, I planned to leave at half 10 so I could shower and go to sleep in reasonable time for a 9am lab. I got chatting to the cake boy at 22:25. By the time we left the bar and he’d had his fill of chocolate rolls at my flat (I offered, he was hungry and Sainsbury’s was closed) and I was in bed, it was 00:40. Oops.

But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Whats there to learn? I suppose don’t take advantage of your friends. If someone is living alone, check on them OFTEN. Make sure you don’t just pair up for conversations in lectures. Invite people round more.

And don’t under estimate the power of a text message. The lack of one ruined one friendship, one daft one about pumpkin cake built another.

(And I baked cookies for my new friends and we ate them in front of the old friends. Get rekt).

[wexhavexaxhulk]

Spider Frights

A/N: was Halloween a month ago? Yes. Did I just get this idea and thought it was really funny and wanted to write it anyways? Yes.

Halloween. Peters favorite time of the year. Lots of candy, amazing costumes, children that dress up as Spider-Man, scaring the hell out of people, shall he continue?

Tony on the other hand hates it. Small children in cheap costumes constantly ringing his doorbell, having to deal with Peter after he ate way too much sugar, always getting scared, shall he continue?

Ding dong

“Ugh, how many children are there?” Tony said after the thousandth doorbell ring. He and Peter were trying watching The Nightmare Before Christmas but they kept having to pause every 5 seconds.

“Approximately 26% of the world’s population.”

“How did you know that?”

“I know everything Mr. Stark.”

“Sure you do kid.” He stood up front the coach. “What’s the smell of rain called?”

“Petrichor.” He said without a pause.

“My middle name?”

“Edward.”

“The hottest degree ever recorded on earth?”

“2 billion degrees kelvin.”

“Jeez kid. How do you know all of that.”

“When I can’t sleep I just stare at my ceiling for hours thinking about anything and everything.”

“Oh.” Tony opened the door expecting to see another kid dressed in a terrible avengers costume. Instead he saw no one. “Weird.”

“Whats weird?” Peter said not being able to see the door.

“No ones there. Probably some ding dong ditcher.” He walked back to the couch and as soon as he sat down the doorbell rang again. He muttered “Dammit.” and stood back up quickly and opened the door.

No one was there.

Tony slammed the door already tired of getting up to feed kids candy even though it was still pretty early in the night. Only 5 or 6 o’clock. The second he took a step the doorbell rang again.

Tony opened the door as fast as could. When he did he got a face full of potato. “Harley?!”

“Hey!”

“What are you doing here?”

“You don’t want to see me? I see how it is.”

“Not at the moment.” He said while brushing potato out of his hair.

Peter has never met Harley but from what he could tell from the stories Tony told him is that he was fun. Tony had said that if Peter and Harley got together they would probably blow stuff up and cause Tony more stress and most likely give him a heart attack.

“Come on in. This is Peter.” He said pointing to Peter.

“I didn’t know you had an actual son.”

“Oh we’re not related.” Peter said.

Harley looked confused.

“Peter is an intern as SI”

“Who happens to be spending Halloween with you where you live watching movies? I don’t buy it.”

It was silent for a second then Peter said “I’m Spider-Man.”

Harley looked at him with a disbelieving look. Peter looked too small and fragile to be Spider-Man.

“How has the whole world not found out yet, your so bad at keeping secrets.”

“Wait he really is Spider-Man?”

“Yup.”

“Oh that’s awesome!”

Harley asked about the mechanics in his webshooters and they immediately became friends.

“This isn’t going to end well.” Tony said to himself.

Later that night Harley though it would be funny if they snuck out and went trick or treating. Peter had and even better idea of going trick or treating in the Spider-Man and Ironman suit.

They got many compliments on there ‘very realistic costumes’ and got extra candy when Peter did some flips.

When they got back they had tons of candy, approximately 2-3 pillowcases each.

“You wanna see who can eat the most candy the fastest?”

“Your on! I have a super fast metabolism!”

“I’m southern!”

Peter obviously won but it was still pretty close.

When Tony walked in the room he saw thousands of candy wrappers and Peter and Harley were practically buzzing. They both looked over at Tony and he slowly backed away.

“You can crawl on walls right?”

“Yeah”

“I have a great bad idea”

“I’m down”

———

Peter and Harley quieted down so Tony thought they were finally asleep. They must sugar crashed after all that candy they ate.

He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for some left over takeout. He found some and closed the fridge.

Then all of a sudden the lights go out.

Tony goes to turn them back on but nothing happens. He’s too exhausted to deal with it so he just continues making his midnight snack in the dark. As he is putting the box into the microwave he hears a loud sound coming from down the hall. He sighs follows where the noise came from thinking that Peter and Harley woke up.

He finds no one and by now he getting a little worried. “FRI, is there anyone on this floor?”

“Just Peter, Harley, and Mrs. Potts”

Satisfied with the answer, he turns around and starts walking back towards the kitchen.

When his foot steps into the kitchen is when he sees it.

A gigantic Spider on the ceiling, creating a web.

Forgetting about his spider child, he grabs the broom that just so happens to be right next to him and starts whacking the spider while screaming.

Tony doesn’t love spiders. He’s trying to not be afraid because of Peter but deep down inside, spiders scare the shit out of him.

The spider falls onto the floor and he continues whacking.

“Ow! Ow! Mr. Stark it’s me Peter!”

He keeps hitting for a few more seconds before registering that the spider just talked. Then his brain finally catches up and sees he was hitting Peter in a spider costume the whole time.

“Peter! Are you ok!?”

“Yeah yeah I’m fine.”

“Good.” He breathed in deeply. “What the hell! You scared the shit out of me! You know I hate spider!”

Peter stood up. “Hey! It was all Harleys idea!”

Harley popped out from behind the couch. “Snitch! It wasn’t all my idea!”

“Both of you go to your rooms.” Then he whispered to him self, “I need to take my heart medication.”

They walked away but when they were out of ear reach they high fived each other. “That was awesome! You looked terrifying!”

“Thanks! How did you turn the lights off?”

“I hacked into FRIDAY and shut off the kitchen lights using a tablet I borrowed from his lab.”

“Nice! I’m exhausted from being whacked by a broom repeatedly so I’m actually going to bed.”

“Good idea, but we’re definitely gonna prank him tomorrow.”

“Duh! We should switch out his coffee with decaf.”

“Or glue his mugs to the cabinet.”

“Or glue fake spiders to the bottom of his mug so when he finishes his coffee he gets scared.”

“Or put real spiders in his coffee mugs!”

“...”

“Too far?”

“Maybe just a tad.”

Bonus:

Harley woke up to find a gigantic Spider on his ceiling staring him in the eyes. He screamed like a girl and Peter sent a video of it to everyone.

[raybansandcoffee]

Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me? - Chapter One: Welcome Home (Joy Williams)

First off, I am so sorry about the delay in getting the first official chapter of Los Angeles, When Will You Save Me? posted. Winter has been hell. The weather in Iowa has been so spastic I’ve basically had a constant migraine since January. My oldest cat was sick off and on which has resulted in $200 in vet bills in the last month, thankfully none of it is life threatening. I’ve decided that running my own business and trying to fulfill my creative need by writing isn’t enough and have been working on launching a podcast with a close friend of mine. Then February decided to go out with a fucking bang and a panic attack as one of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer which led to an incredibly dark period for me.

I need to find solace in my writing but this story was too heavy, too real for me to do that so I started writing something different. One of the hugest parts of my anxiety is perfectionism. I don’t like doing something if I can’t make it perfect. Today I realized something incredibly important:

Done is better than perfect.

So here it is, a completed chapter one. I hope you enjoy it and can’t wait to hear what you think about it.

Again, thank you for sticking with me through all of this.

Chapter One: Welcome Home (Joy Williams)

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Harry asked as he walked into the gym. I was just finishing a ride on my Peloton and he looked prepared for his morning work out. 

“Not really.”

“Hey Harry,” Dad called through the video chat we were doing while we did the ride together.

“Good morning, Marco. Should I blame you for the reason my girlfriend didn’t sleep last night?”

“That’s not my fault. Blame that Horcrux of hers. I got an email from her at 3:30AM, your time not mine.” It was currently 6:45 so Harry knew if I slept it was for only a handful of hours.

“Evie,” Harry said in his concerned tone of voice.

“What? I had a lot of work to do.”

“I’m gonna bow out of this conversation now. Have a good day. Love ya, Bambina.”

“Love ya, Dad.” The video ended and stepped off of the bike. I got on my tip toes to kiss Harry. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. You should’ve slept last night.”

“I missed the staff meeting yesterday because of the follow-up appointment Pops had with his cardiologist. So I had to read through the notes, get back with some of my staff on things and get prepped for a few conference calls and meetings that I have today.”

“Does this mean you’re leaving the house to work?”

“No, they are all with the New York and London teams. So they are video chats.”

“Everlee.”

“Just stop. I’m working from home again today. It’s okay.”

“You’re eventually going to have to go back to normal life.”

“I am back to normal life,” I argued. “Just an altered version of normal life.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” He was frustrated with me but he was being as supportive as he could be. “I have a meeting with the team to plan our recording sessions today. I’d like for my manager to attend, but we aren’t having the meeting in this house.” I hesitated. 

“What time is it?”

“It’s a lunch meeting.” I scrolled through my schedule on my phone. 

“I can do a lunch meeting.”

“Good. Now go shower, you smell disgusting.” Harry smiled as he kissed me. I walked out of the gym and into the morning air. A few steps from the gym and I snuck into the kitchen to find a fresh pot of coffee.

“Good morning, Everlee,” Linda said. She handed me the breakfast I’d gotten in the habit of eating every morning.

“Hey kiddo,” Pops called from the island where he was enjoying a cup of coffee, reading through the news on his iPad and eating breakfast. I walked towards him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Done with your morning workout already? It’s a bit early for you.”

“Yeah, Dad and I scheduled a Peloton ride together.”

“You two are having way too much fun with that.” I’d gotten one for Dad’s birthday for him while also buying one for myself.

“Hey, at least I’m being healthy.”

“Which I love,” Pops replied. “Are you going into the office today?” 

“Nope. I’ve got conference calls and video meetings. Though Harry is dragging me to lunch with the team he’s selected for his album. They are discussing the recording schedule.”

“When does he leave for Jamaica?”

“End of the month.” I slid into the seat beside my father. 

“You prepared to be apart again?”

“Not really. But it’s our life. We will always have time apart because of our careers.”

“I’m sorry, kiddo.” 

“Eh, it’s life. I better go shower though. My first conference call is in an hour and it’s a video conference.” I groaned as I stood up. 

“I’ll come down and see you a little later.” I kissed Pops on the cheek again before walking back outside and through the deck and outdoor area to the guest house. I slid the door open to find Harold curled up on the couch. He meowed at me. 

“Good morning, bud.” I scratched his head a little bit. “Mummy is gonna go shower.” As I headed towards the bathroom the cat jumped down off of the couch and followed me. It had been an adjustment period for us. Harry and I had been sharing his 4 bedroom, 5 bathroom, 4,400 square foot home near the Sunset Strip, sure Ty and Eliza had been living with us but they were rarely there because of work and their relationships. Once Pops was released from the hospital I moved into the guest house I’d lived in at his house in college. I refused to be away from him. Harry, not wanting to be away from me, packed up his stuff, the cat, and most of my things to move in with me at my father’s. 

It had been an adjustment the first six weeks that we’d been here but we were starting to get into a groove. I’d get up in the morning, work out, shower, get some work done, spend time with my father, and we’d all have dinner together. Harry was almost acting as Pops’ personal trainer. They’d play tennis, basketball, go on hikes, swim, and spend time in the gym that was in the house. I’d even witness Pops doing yoga with Harry which was something I never in a million years imagined I’d see. 

I’d been refusing to leave the house to go to work at the office. Kammi and Cameron were, of course, supportive of it. They knew I needed to be home with Pops for a while. For the most part, everyone had been really supportive. When Cynthia found out that I’d been using the coffee table that was near the couch in the guest house, which was essentially a really nice studio apartment, she showed up and went to work. The guest houses on the property were right next to each other. They were all rarely used except the one Pops had converted into a gym when he bought the house, in fact, the one Harry and I were living in hadn’t been used since I lived here in college. We even found some of my stuff still in the closet. She put the bedroom furniture of another guest house into storage in the house and within 48 hours designed and put together a dream office for me. Unlike my office at SME, it was all white, calming, and very serene. Harry had put me in a car, driven me to the Apple Store and told me to buy everything I needed to have a home office. I’d always just functioned off of my laptop when I was at home because I’d had roommates and nowhere to have a desk. I even went overboard and bought two iMacs so that if he was in there with me he could be on a computer as Cynthia had put two desks in there. There was still comfy furniture so if someone was there with me or if Harry or Pops came out to hang out while I worked they didn’t have to sit in a chair at my desk or if I needed to relax for a few minutes between calls I could. Kammi would occasionally come and work with me here so we could spend some time together and I could get some face time with people that weren’t my father, my boyfriend, Linda, Cynthia, Rachel or the twins. 

It had been nice to have Cynthia and the girls around the house again. It gave the house life when they’d all show up for dinner or a Saturday by the pool or on the horses. It was almost as if we were a family again. I had been pressuring Cynthia to talk to my father. I heard her in the hospital telling him he wasn’t allowed to go anywhere because she needed to talk to him. Here we were, six weeks later and she’d said nothing. He just thought that because he’d nearly died everyone was afraid to leave him alone. I knew that it was because she was hopelessly in love with him but still afraid to tell him that.

As I stood in the shower I heard my phone vibrate on the sink a few times. I tried to ignore it. It wasn’t even 8:00 yet. Everyone had been doing really great about not contacting me outside of normal business hours. They knew that if they did I’d work 24/7 which was unhealthy and a habit that Pops, Cameron, Kammi, and the Board were trying to break me of. Mom and Dad had made a trip out when Pops was first released from the hospital. They wanted to make sure I was okay and that Pops was okay. The boys were able to come with them and against my better judgment, Pops pushed me out of the house to spend time with them. It was nice to see them and spend time with them for a while. Mom was concerned and still is, about the fact that I’d moved home with Pops. She didn’t want me to give up my life to take care of him, but she got it. She knew it was temporary, I just wanted to be close to him in case something else happened. I had gone far enough to outfit every room on the property with one of those damn Amazon Echos so that no matter where he was I could talk to him. Harry wasn’t a huge fan of it but he knew that his girlfriend who dealt with severe anxiety needed to be able to reach her father wherever he was to settle her anxiety.

I got out of the shower and towel dried my hair before getting dressed. I’d chopped my hair short a few weeks ago. My stylist told me that it was something she’d been anticipated after she heard about Pops. Evidently, it was totally normal for people to go through massive changes in their physical appearance after traumatic experiences. She was also placing bets on how long it would be before I appeared back in the salon asking for extensions because of how much I loved having long hair. I must admit, it was easier to get ready in the morning and often times I just allowed my hair to air dry and embrace the slight wave my hair had naturally. Knowing I was going to lunch with Harry and his team I put on a pair of skinny jeans that were a little ripped and a vintage tee that Harry had bought for me recently. I would normally work in clothing that fell in the athleisure category since I didn’t really leave the house unless I absolutely had to. I grabbed my laptop off the coffee table, my planner, Harold, and a few other things before heading towards my office. 

“Alexa, turn on my morning playlist,” I said as I slide the door open and walked into my office leaving the screen door open so I could enjoy the morning air while I worked.

“Playing Evie’s Morning Playlist on Spotify,” the computerized voice replied. I plugged in my MacBook Pro and woke up the iMac while I got settled in at my desk. I had a routine every morning. First I’d turn on the morning playlist I’d made on Spotify and then turn on the giant TV that hung on the wall with CNN on with it on mute with closed captioning so I could stay up-to-date on the news while I worked. Then I look at my calendar and updated my to do list in Wunderlist so I knew what my tasks were for the day. After that, I’d check my email and see if there’s anything I need to add while prioritizing what I needed to reply to and when. I would always send out the morning update to my team with everything that I needed by the end of the day. I’d become surprisingly productive and followed this same routine every morning. 

Living without an assistant a few feet away had been a challenge at first. I debated back and forth on if I wanted to have Eliza working here with me every day, we’d even tried it for a week and gave up. Sharing the office space with her wasn’t productive for me and it had seemed incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved. I wasn’t keeping the hours I normally did. There wasn’t a cafeteria so if you wanted to eat it was in the kitchen in the main house. I’d adjusted, she hadn’t. So she went back to work at the office. I think the amount of time Harry spent in the office with me bothered her a bit. He’d been a great help, often bouncing ideas with me when I needed human interaction. He also spent time working on his stuff while I worked, which was surprisingly nice. Since we’d set the space up as an office for both of us he was in here with me for part of the day most days. Though on days that Kammi came to work with me he’d hand off his desk and work from the couch if he felt like invading girl time. We even tried Eliza spending a few hours here once a week until a week ago when she asked if she could stop doing that. She said it wasn’t conducive to her work style. I could respect that. The work life I had set up now wasn’t for everyone. But that meant her job was shifting because she wasn’t really working for me anymore. Harry had suggested I look at getting a personal assistant, someone that could help with some of the stuff that Eliza had done that kept me organized but more specifically someone that could help me with things like running errands and making sure that my personal life was organized. I knew that what he was suggesting made sense but the fear of Eliza’s reaction had me hesitating to start the search for one.

At the request of Cameron, Kammi, and the board my responsibilities had started to shift because of the change with Pops. We’d temporarily promoted Pops’ #2 to take over his management roles and some of mine had shifted to several of my top employees in LA so that I could be the daughter I needed to be. It had been a challenge, I wasn’t always the best delegator but I trusted the people beneath me and knew that they were not only capable of taking on more but also deserved the chance to shine. I’d been so impressed by their work. I met with the once per week. Sometimes it was in a coffee shop as an excuse to get me out of the house. Sometimes they came over to the house and we’d hang out on the deck, enjoy some of Linda’s delicious food and the gorgeous view from my Pops’ house. And I’d even tried going into the office to meet with them once, that had been a nightmare. The second I walked in the door everyone was in my face. I hadn’t been in the office in two weeks at that point and Pops hadn’t either so everyone wanted to know how everything was going. It had been extremely overwhelming. I’d actually locked myself in my office and had a panic attack as soon as I made it through the building. It was too much being there and having everyone ask questions and try and get time with me. After that day I’d been afraid to go back into the office. 

I’d not disclosed that panic attack to anyone but my therapist who I was now seeing twice a week. She was trying to prepare me mentally for the idea that someday I’d have to go back to work in the office while also working through the emotional repercussions of all of the changes happening in my life. Processing my father nearly dying had been hard. I didn’t talk for two days and had remained relatively quiet until he got out of the hospital and I started living with him again. My relationships with my friends and family had changed, which she told me constantly was normal. I’d experienced something extremely traumatic and only those who felt that same kind of trauma would get what I’d gone through or at least try to be supportive. I’d found myself growing apart from people I thought were essential to my existence and closer to people that at one point in my life I’d wished didn’t exist in my life. Harry had started joining me for one of the appointments with me each week. We’d struggled initially after my decision to move in with Pops. Living in a guest house together had been quite the adjustment. We’d fought a few times, once to the point that I slept on the couch in my office. I woke up the next morning to Harry sleeping on the floor beside me. He started crying and telling me that he was done fighting, he wanted to do whatever he needed to do to support me. That was when we decided he’d start joining me with my therapist on occasion. The experience initially had tried to pull us apart but honestly, we were closer now than we had been before.

“Hey there, buddy,” I said to Harold as he jumped up onto my desk looking for a few scratches behind his ear. He immediately meowed back at me. He was an extremely talkative cat. I loved that he was so happy coming to my office with me during the day. Sometimes he’d lay on the couch but most of the time he’d occupy a spot on my desk so that he could be part of everything that was going on. Sometimes he’d try to jump into the view of my video conferences. My staff and clients had become big fans of Harold’s appearances. I saw the request pop up in the corner of my screen for my first video chat, this one was with the head of my department in London. It would likely take about a half hour. In an hour I had one scheduled with the head of the department in New York. They’d each stepped up immediately taking over the weekly staff meetings that I usually video conferenced in for. Today they’d touch base with me to let me know how the staff meeting had gone. Then this afternoon I’d touch base with the staff in Chicago and LA that were handling the offices for me. We were working towards a quarterly meeting at the end of next week that would be held here in LA. As soon as the video chat with London ended a new request came in, this one from Kammi.

“Hey,” I answered as I leaned back in my chair with my iced coffee.

“Happy Monday!” she said cheerily, she had clearly had more coffee than I had so far.

“You’re still too fucking cheery in the morning.”

“Sorry, not sorry. How is the morning so far?” 

“Not too bad. The video conference with London went well. The portion of the staff that will be here next week for quarterly meetings is excited.”

“Are you?”

“Fuck no,” I replied laughing. “I hate quarterly meetings. If I get a second of sleep between now and the end of next week I’ll be surprised.”

“You clearly didn’t get any last night,” she said. I’d emailed her at 4:00 this morning. I shrugged. “I know that they prescribed you sleeping pills. You need to take them.” She and Harry clearly talked about that last night when she, Nick, and Ty joined us for Sunday dinner.

“I hate that you and my boyfriend share everything. Nothing is sacred.”

“No, certain things are sacred. I don’t tell him what you tell me unless I’m super concerned for your safety.”

“I know. Thank you for that. How’s the office today?” I asked.

“Strange,” she replied. “Ty is lonely so he keeps coming in my office.”

“Why is he lonely?”

“They moved Eliza off of your desk, she was officially done at the end of the day Friday.” I frowned. “Yeah, it’s fucking weird. Until they determine where she’s permanently going to be she’s working the front desk.”

“Ouch. That’s the worst assignment. I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Kammi ordered. “You gave her a chance. You did everything you could to make your current situation conducive for her and she couldn’t make it work. That’s not your fault. Ty is having a rough time with it though.” We’d recently promoted Ty. He wasn’t just running Kammi’s desk anymore, he was the person who was placed in charge of all of the executive assistants in the office. It had been Pops’ assistant before but with his change, she decided it was time to retire. She’d been planning to retire at the end of the year so Pops’ agreed to pay out the remainder of the year so she could start retirement early.

“Tell him I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Ev. It’s not your fault,” came Ty’s voice. He appeared behind Kammi and sat on the back part of her desk. “She’s been a real bitch to deal with lately. When I told her that if she wasn’t going to work to accommodate what you need we’d have to move her she got super pissy. She stopped staying at the house a week ago.”

“Is she staying with you?” I asked Kammi.

“Nope. Neither of us has any idea where she’s staying. Honestly, even Joe has no idea where she’s been staying. She also turned off her location on ‘Find My Friends’ after her fight with Ty. Well technically after the fight with Joe when he defended Ty.”

“I wonder why she’s getting pissed at you guys?” I hated this. I got that my life had been disrupted but seeing how everyone else’s lives were changing because of it was hard to deal with. 

“Here’s what I figure,” Ty started. I could tell by his tone and body language that I should get comfortable as he was going to explain what was going on in detail. “She’s not sure how to handle what you’re dealing with. I mean how the fuck long did it take her to come to see you and Jimmy when he was in the hospital?”

“Four days,” I said. It had been four days after they landed from the East Coast before she came. Ty had made Kammi, Nick and Joe stay out of the hospital the night they got home because of how fucked up I was. They showed up about two hours after Pops woke up. Joe had made excuses every time he came that Eliza had come down with a cold and didn’t want to get Pops sick. She showed up looking like she felt great and made no mention of being sick. I’d never asked what really kept her away, I honestly didn’t want to know. 

“Exactly. It took me about four minutes after I found out to get in a car and get to you. Kammi was on a plane within four hours. Then when she gets back and you declare you’re moving out of the house and not only did you move home with Jimmy but so did Harry she saw that you were in a relationship solid enough that he was willing to give up literally the best house I’ve ever lived in to move into the guest house you started living in at 16 just so he could be with you. Then when Maureen decided to retire and the board decided that I was the one that would replace her she was pissed. She ranted for like two fucking hours about how she thought that she was better suited for the job than I was, which by the way she’s fucking not. I pointed out to her that she never wanted this job.” He was right, she hadn’t. She’d told me initially she expected she’d have the job for like six months while she got settled in LA and then she’d be gone because she’d be acting and bartending. “She, of course, got fucking pissed that I pointed that out, so when she told me that she was going to focus on her ‘acting career’ I told her that the only reasonable thing I could do until she showed she was fully committed to her job was put her at the front desk because there was a crew of people who worked the desk. If she decides she’s done then I’ve got back up. It’s not like putting her on someone else’s desk. If she decides she hates it and leaves then I have to fucking rehire someone or train someone from the front desk. Which, by the way, Harry told me last night that he wanted you to hire someone that could do some of what Eliza did but more personal assistant type shit. I’ve got a few candidates from around here that I think would work. You say the word and I’ll get meetings set up.”

“What would I do without you two?” I asked. I could feel tears pricking my eyes.

“You’d be super fucking lonely,” Ty said. I laughed.

“True story,” I replied.

“We are working from your house tomorrow,” Kammi said. “I’m dragging Ty with me.” He normally stayed in the office when she came to see me during the week. It gave him a chance to do the managerial stuff he needed to do. 

“Yay!” I cheered as I picked up Harold and made the cat cheer too.

“It’s mainly because I miss the cat being my roommate,” Ty tried to get out without laughing. “We can talk more about what you’d be looking for in an assistant tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’m just afraid to look for one.”

“Why?” Kammi asked.

“I don’t want Eliza to get more pissed than she already is.”

“That is not your problem to worry about,” Harry said as he slid the screen door open. 

“Hey Harry,” Kammi and Ty said in unison. He came to my desk and sat on my lap. 

“Hi, miss you,” he replied.

“You saw us yesterday. You’re lying that you miss us unless you’re really tired of living with Ev in The Tiny House.” Kammi had started referring to our living situation as The Tiny House, it made me laugh because while we were living in a much smaller footprint than we were before the reality was we had everything we needed and a few steps away was everything you could ever imagine in the main house. She just couldn’t understand how we were making it work. She wanted to kill Nick most days because of the whole shared room thing. It didn’t help that they also lived with Joe. 

“I do miss you both. Am I allowed to work in the office with you all tomorrow?” 

“Of course, Harry,” Ty answered. “Evs, if you can’t find an assistant that works for a while, Kammi and I have decided that I can come out once a week to help you make sure that your schedule is put together for the week, that all the meetings are confirmed. I can handle the extra responsibility for a while.”

“I love you both so much. I’m excited for tomorrow now,” I said. “But I’m getting the 10-minute warning for my New York meeting.”

“Enjoy that,” Kammi replied. “We will see you at 8:30 tomorrow.”

“Yay!!! Bye!!” I ended the call.

“Ty is going to help you find an assistant?” Harry asked as he went to sit down at his desk.

“He is. He’s evidently been scouting people from the pool in the office for me today.”

“So what was it about Eliza?” 

“Her last day on my desk was Friday.”

“We knew that was coming.”

“We did. But Ty told me today that he told her last week that he couldn’t move her onto someone else’s desk knowing that they may have to quickly find a replacement knowing that she wasn’t fully committed to the job.”

“She’s not fully committed?” Harry asked.

“Evidently not. So she’s on the front desk.” I saw him cringe. “Exactly. It’s the worst job in the entire place. The phones ring non-stop, she won’t have a guaranteed daytime schedule anymore because everyone has to work in rotations. I fear that she’s going to fucking hate me for this because somehow it’s going to end up my fault.”

“It’s not your fault but I understand why you’re uneasy about it.” Eliza had been difficult to deal with and that was being polite. I had done so great and not flipped out on her about everything, but I knew that if she said anything about her new job that was even remotely negative that it was a risk. I got it, my life and job changing was causing her job to change. I wanted to scream when she’d complain about that. I didn’t ask for this change in my life. I’d go back to being a workaholic in a heartbeat to change the fact that my Pops had a heart attack. She was being selfish, which wasn’t totally abnormal, but was pretty shocking considering everything that had happened. 

“I just hate when there are problems. If there’s an issue between two people in The Circus it makes everything awkward and weird. We had this problem once before.”

“What happened then?” Harry asked.

“Weirdly enough it was Eliza and Nick. He made an admittedly funny but very bad joke when we were all drinking at the condo one night. She’d been on a bender and had a different guy come home with her every night for like 10 days. She got pissed and didn’t talk to him for almost a month.”

“Ouch. What do you mean bender? Like drugs or drinking or just men?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know. I tried not to ask because I was worried about her but knew that if I made any comments she’d do the same thing to me that she was to Nick. She’d broken up with some guy that she thought was the one, they’d been dating for maybe three or four months but she is often times crazy when she’s in relationships. There was so much tension among the whole group. It just sucked.”

“I’m sure everything will work out in the end.” Harry was attempting to calm me knowing I was about to get on another conference call. He stood from his side of the desk and came over to me. He bent down and gently kissed my lips. “Whatever happens remember that I love you.”

“I love you too.” One more kiss and he headed back to his side of the desk and slid on headphones knowing that my conference call would likely bore him to death. Everything went well and was over in less time than I expected. I kept working until Harry decided we needed to leave for his lunch meeting. It was an incredibly nice day in LA so when I made it up to the driveway with my stuff I found him sitting in my Jeep with the top off. He had sunglasses on and his goofy smile plastered across his face. I threw my bag into the back and climbed up into the passenger seat. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you were this born and bred California surfer in this thing. Tan skin, wayfarers, and a floral shirt. You look just like the boys I brought home from the beach in high school.” He laughed loudly at the last comment.

“I’m sure I do. It’s easy to get a tan like this if you leave your office for more than a short walk to the house or gym every day.”

“Shut up. Not all of us have time to lay around in the pool or run shirtless on the horse trail.” 

“You could have time, you can take a break every once in a while.”

“I know. We both also know that I’m not very good at taking breaks. I took time when Pops was in the hospital, I can’t now. Too much work to do.” He reached his hand across the car and grabbed mine. Our fingers interlocked as he brought it to his lips kissing the back of it. His rings felt cool against the inside of my fingers. After his lips left my hand he returned it to my lap so he could focus on driving. He expertly navigated his way through the area my father lived into the restaurant that his lunch meeting was at. 

I zoned out easily these days. It didn’t matter if I was alone or with a group of people my mind would wander and I’d lose track of everything else happening around me. This happened most frequently in a car, thankfully it was usually only when I wasn’t driving, though that had happened once. I got home and sat in the driveway sobbing until Harry came out to find me and asked what was wrong. I was terrified that I’d driven from an appointment across town to the house and had no idea how long it had taken or how I’d gotten home. That was the first week we’d been living here. I hadn’t driven much since then. Harry or Sam took me everywhere. It was odd. I missed driving. I missed the freedom of being in a car alone but I understood why Harry had decided to hide every set of car keys to every car that either of us or my Pops owned. This ride was like the rest. I stared blankly at the scenery and watched the world fly by. I could hear Harry singing along to the radio but couldn’t pinpoint the song which was rare. 

“Evie…Ev…Everlee Mae Scarcello.” Harry snapped in front of my eyes breaking me of the trance. “Where were you at babe?”

“Sorry,” I replied.

“Don’t apologize. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a long day and I’m a little overwhelmed right now.”

“Call Ty and have him cancel your afternoon,” he suggested. I’d been up late the night before working as I had been most nights. I was often lucky if I got more than a handful of hours of sleep at a time. I hadn’t slept a full night since I’d been in France with Harry for the final time.

“I can’t do that.”

“Then I will.” He grabbed his phone from where he usually threw it into a cupholder and I watched as he hit Ty’s entry in his favorites. They’d been communicating so frequently that I was pretty sure he’d rearranged it so Ty was the easiest entry to click. 

“You can’t do that,” I protested.

“I can and I am.”

“Harry this is my work and my life. You can’t do this.” He glared at me and I quieted. He could do this. Cameron and Jimmy had given him this power when they all realized that I was struggling. He did it often which had initially pissed me off. “Hey Ty,”I heard him say. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. “Yeah, we just got the restaurant. She’s out of it. Can you reschedule her afternoon?” His thumb rubbed across the back of my hand as he listened to Ty. “I’ll let you know later today how she’s doing for tomorrow. I need to get her to take the sleeping pills her doctor gave her so she can sleep. Her day tomorrow is just you and Kammi here, right?” I don’t know how I got so lucky to have Harry in my life. I was an absolute fucking mess most of the time and he was doing everything he could to help me navigate through and survive it. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later and see you in the morning.” He hung up the phone and I turned to look at him. “Ty canceled the rest of the day. When we’re done we are going to go do something to help you relax a little.”

“Okay,” I responded quietly. I held his hand once out of the car as we walked into the restaurant. I tried to put on my best happy face and not appear like the fragile shell of a human I was right now. He’d been delaying this album for too long all because of me. I felt immensely guilty and was pretty sure that his team hated me for it at this point. 

“Hey Ev,” Mitch greeted as he hugged me. 

“Hey, how are you?” I asked.

“I’m good. We are all happy you could make it.” He and Harry had instantly bonded when they met in spring. He was a great guy and an incredible musician. I’d really enjoyed watching them form this really amazing musical bond. They often sat with drinks on the deck at Pops house with guitars, notebooks, and a laptop. I’d sit in my office working, with the door open, listening to them and the sound of Harry’s voice as it drifted into the room. I’d hold off as long as I could before grabbing my laptop of iPad to go sit with them and listen. More than once I’d found Pops out there with them. 

The lunch meeting was great. Harry was getting so excited for them to take off to Jamaica. I tried to stay out of their plans for that. I knew that the teams were anxious to leave and that having to put off the trip more than once was inconvenient, to say the least. But they all had been the kindest people through the process. Hell, the first week we’d been living with Pops after he’d been released from the hospital Jeff, Alex, and Tyler showed up at the house with the most amazing spread of food and tried to help us all relax. My father was really enjoying the amount of life that everyone brought to his house, despite the heart attack and everything that had happened he seemed to be the happiest I’d seen him in years. 

“Are you going to come with us for a while?” Jeff asked. I snapped out of my wandering thoughts when I realized he was talking to me.

“I don’t know. Right now is a difficult time for me to leave. I have so much work right now that I will probably remain attached to a laptop for the next 12 months solid. You’ll have to keep this guy in line for me,” I said as I squeezed Harry’s shoulder with my hand. He bent his head to the side kissing my fingers. 

“I hope she can make it for at least a visit or two while we are gone,” he added. He had really been trying to convince me that I could come with. That working remotely was possible because I’d been doing it from my laptop at the house for the last six weeks. He knew that it wasn’t just about work, it was about leaving Pops. They’d be gone for a minimum of a month but likely 6-8 weeks if things were going well and they wanted a bit more time. Leaving home for that long seemed terrifying. What if Pops got sick again and I was gone? What if he needed me? What if he got lonely? As if he knew I was thinking about him I saw my phone light up on the table with a text from him.

Message with Pops

Pops: Are you done working for the day? I stopped in your office and you weren’t there?

I’m at lunch with Harry, Jeff, Tyler, Alex, and Mitch.

Pops: Ahh the boys club. You always did tend to fit into those groups.

As I sit here listening to them I feel like I’m in a parallel universe. This is what life would’ve been like if I hadn’t quit Designated Hitter and hadn’t forced Kyle to start drumming in that band and sent him on tour. 

Pops: Oh god. That would’ve been pretty terrifying. Okay…what I was actually texting you about. I just got off the phone with Cynthia. She and your sisters are coming over for dinner tonight. Evidently you girls need to get to work on planning a baby shower.

Shit. I forgot I was supposed to call Kayci to set up lunch this week. I’m the worst sister ever. Fuck. Do you need me to pick something up?

Pops: Nope. Linda has everything covered. You’re also not the worst sister ever. You’re busy, they get it. Just prepare Harry. He usually seems a bit overwhelmed when you five women are all in a room together. Oh and Kourt is bringing her new boyfriend. Though Cynthia tells me that Kayci is pissed about that because her boyfriend just broke up with her? I can’t keep up with all of you. Rachel has at least had the same guy since she was 6.

It’s because she’s weird. Kayci and Dylan did break up over the weekend. How did you not miss her sobs? She sent out the Bat signal to the sisters and everyone arrived at the house at about 12:30 Friday night. I felt bad for Rach and Harry. We all ended up a bit drunk, well except Rachel because well pregnant. Harry I think slept in my office most of the night. Rachel slept on the couch, Kourtney passed out in a lounger on the deck and we found Kayci on the floor of the bathroom using a towel as a blanket. It was a mess. 

Pops: I did wonder why they were there Saturday morning and why Kayci didn’t leave until Sunday night. You’re a good big sister.

I try and because I’m the one willing to drink with her and because Kourtney likes to lecture her for smoking pot. I, of course, can’t. 

Pops: You’re still a good sister. Your three sisters and three brothers are lucky to have you.  Speaking of sisters…Kayci just walked in looking for you. She said she’ll be waiting in the pool. I think she hates her roommates and this is just an excuse. Now stop paying attention to me and participate in your meeting. You worry that Brit when you zone out.

I know. It happened on the way here again. I swear he’s never going to let me drive a car again because I can’t be in one right now without having any clue what is going on. Also, Kayci does hate her roommates, with a passion. I’m surprised she hasn’t moved into the other guest house or back into her old bedroom. Okay…okay, back to work. I’ll see you both when we get home.

“What was that?” Harry whispered to me.

“Pops. Evidently, Cynthia and the girls are coming over for dinner. I flaked on my sister duties and didn’t text the girls about setting up a lunch to plan Rachel’s baby shower.”

“Shit. You were supposed to call them this morning.”

“I know. So be prepared, dinner with my family tonight.”

“Good, you know I love them. And you. Mostly you.” He kissed me quickly before falling right back into the conversation with everyone at the table.

Message with Kayci Grant

You okay, sis?

Kayci: I’m fine. My roommates are annoying. And fucking Dylan called me drunk last night.

Please tell me you didn’t invite him over.

Kayci: I didn’t. I’m not THAT fucking dumb. He was trying to apologize but I knew that he didn’t mean it. He was drunk. He just wanted to get laid. I kept telling myself what you and Rachel told me Friday night. He doesn’t deserve me. I deserve so much better than him and someday I’m going to find my person and it’s not Dylan.

Definitely NOT Dylan. No one that cheats on you deserves a second chance. You are a first class, five star, James Beard award-winning, four months to get a Monday night reservation level catch. He doesn’t even deserve to be handed out through a fucking drive-thru.

Kayci: You are the best. Also now I’m hungry. Tell the Brit to hurry up the fucking meeting and get you home.

I’ll do my best but he’s currently in the process of planning a trip to leave me and record an album so I’m feeling a little woe is me.

Kayci: If you need a roommate while he’s gone I can come live with you and Harold. 

Oh, I know you would. We will be home soon. I’ll text when we are on our way.

I slipped my phone into my purse and tried to focus back in on the conversation. They settled on dates to head to Jamaica for the third time since starting this process and we were back in the car headed home. Harry was always so talkative when we left. He loved the guys that were part of this team. It was like a dream for him. They supported every, single, idea and decision he had. He’d lay in bed at night gushing to me about how amazing they were making work. I loved listening to him ramble on and on and on about how different this experience was already from everything else he’d experienced and they hadn’t even taken off for the bulk of their recording.

“So I have to warn you, Kayci is at the house already.”

“Good, there’s no way you can go back to work if she’s there.”

“I know. I’m honestly surprised that she hasn’t asked Pops if she can move back into her old room. She hates her roommates. She can afford to live without them but they were her best friends when she was in school. They are all still in school and she’s working so life is different for them.”

“Also when you consider that working for your sister is essentially playing dress up, at least how the roommates view it, they seem pretty judgmental.” The twins had turned 22 three weeks ago. Harry had drug me out of the house to spend time with them while they celebrated. It was the first time I’d met Kourtney’s boyfriend Max and the first time Harry had really met anyone outside of the twins, Rachel and Luke. Her roommates had been a nightmare. They did judge Kayci. She’d met them when she was a student, she had decided to take some time off from college after her freshman year because she was offered a fairly large modeling contract and had started working on her music. They hated that. They were all still struggling through their senior year and hoping to get into grad school or law school and here was Kayci getting paid to fly around and put on expensive clothes. They were bitter and jealous. 

Kourtney had opted to get her own place when they went to school. She lived in a super cute studio in West Hollywood so it wasn’t like her sister could move in with her. I had suggested that she move back home with Cynthia but it was not an option for Kayci. When it was just she and her Mom they argued constantly. They were so much alike. Their arguments were ridiculous and often that they agreed with each other and hated it. She also had been with Dylan for almost a year so she barely stayed with her roommates until the last month or so when he had started making excuses that she couldn’t be there which turned out to be because he was cheating on her. I knew if she asked that Jimmy would give her the final guest house or even let her have her old bedroom back. The house was big enough that it was one of the few times growing up that the twins hadn’t been forced to share a bedroom. 

“Yeah, it’s a bad situation for her.”

“I’ve thought about telling her to just move into the house until we get back but the idea of having she, Eliza, and Ty alone there is a little unsettling.”

“Eliza isn’t staying at the house.”

“Where is she staying?”

“I don’t know. Actually, no one does.”

“Do you have any ideas?” he asked. He was concerned, I could tell. Despite how things had been going lately we all still cared about Eliza, though I’m sure she’d say we didn’t.

“No idea, honestly. Maybe an ex, maybe someone she worked with when she was bartending, a friend from one of her acting classes, or some new guy. She also could be staying in a hotel for all I know. She and Ty got into a fight and he’s not seen her since other than work and there she’s essentially ignoring him.”

“What is all of this about?” 

“Her demotion.” And again the wave of guilt washed over me. Eliza had been my best friend since she was about five hours old. I hadn’t had a pleasant conversation with her in weeks.

“This isn’t your fault. I know you’re internalizing a lot of blame. Stop doing that.”

“I’d like to point out that I hate that you can read my mind,” I replied turning to face him in the car and smiling a bit. “It’s annoying because when I’m trying to have will power you make me fail.”

“I personally love that it’s my newest superpower. So how can I help you with not blaming yourself?”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t honestly have a clue. “I want to fix everything but that’s what I’ve always done. Eliza and I have always been close but we’ve also always fought. She has a wicked jealous streak and can be incredibly vindictive when she wants. At this point, I’m sure she’s jealous that everyone’s focus has been me because it was my Pops that almost died. She doesn’t like when the spotlight isn’t on her.”

“I’m sorry, Evie. You don’t deserve this extra stress. She also should know that she needs to be a better friend but I’m beginning to see that she isn’t really capable of that. I hate saying that because I know how much she means to you but you deserve better than to be treated like this.”

“You’re right. I don’t deserve this. But honestly, there’s not much I can do about it right now. I am just going to give her the space she so clearly needs and keep plugging away at everything I’m doing to make life better for me, for us, and for my family.” He squeezed my hand in his.

“I’m proud of you for how strong you’ve been through all of this. It hasn’t been easy to watch your Pops go through everything and you’ve been the most incredible daughter through it all. If we’re being honest, I don’t even completely mind that we gave up our dream house in the hills to live in a guest house. Getting to build a relationship like I have with your Pops has been pretty great.”

“I love you. Honestly, I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you do.” He plugged in the code to the gate and pulled to where we left my Jeep in the driveway which was next to where Kayci’s Mercedes was sitting. We got out and started to walk to the back. “I’m gonna let you have some time alone with your sister. Okay?” I nodded before he kissed me and walked towards our guest house.

“Kayci,” I called as I walked towards the pool. I found her on a raft, her foot anchoring her to the side where a beer sat on the edge. She was staring at her phone.

“Hey sis,” she called back.

“Drinking already?”

“I needed a beer and Pops always has my favorite here.” Her favorite was a random craft beer we’d found at a dive bar on a sister road trip that we all went on to celebrate the twins turning 21 last year and as a last hoorah of the four sisters all being “single” or at least as single as the four of us could all be at once. The bar had told us where we could find this beer and Pops always kept it at the house for the random warm days that everyone ended up in his pool because he was so proud that the girliest of his girls found a beer she could drink. I, of course, would drink anything as long as it was cold. 

“He does always have it. He’s a sucker for his girls.”

“He is. He looks like he’s feeling great,” she said. I sat down on the side of the pool and took a drink from her beer. 

“He is. We had an appointment at his cardiologist Friday and they are really happy about his progress.”

“Is it totally weird to be the person who that stuff with him?” Kayci asked.

“Completely. Like I’m not ready to be a parent and here I am essentially parenting my parent. I’m stressed out beyond belief and work isn’t helping.”

“What’s going on with work?”

“Well, the Eliza bullshit is getting worse.”

“How so?” 

“She refused to come work from here with me. Ty is in charge of all of the assistants now and he informed her that my assistant will need to be willing to work remotely from ‘The Compound’ until I return to the office.” Ty had jokingly referred to my Pops’ place as The Compound since his first visit here in high school. “So she got moved to the front reception desk until a more permanent decision could be made on a placement for her and now he and Harry are plotting to put together a job description for me that is half work assistant/half personal assistant. She and Ty got in such a blow out fight that she’s moved out of the house and none of us know where she’s staying.”

“She tends to be reactive like that. I remember when she would come out with you for spring break and shit she used to be so fucking evil to me and Kourt. I am pretty sure it’s why we were evil back. I apologize now that you were collateral damage in that whole thing.”

“I appreciate that. You were young and annoying then, I can forgive that. Now you’re just annoying.” She splashed me with water as I took another drink of her beer. I heard the door from the house open and glanced to see my father walk out and towards us.

“I saw you out here drinking your sister’s beer and thought you might prefer your own.”

“Thanks, Pops.” I took the beer from him before he sat down on a chair not far from me. 

“So she’s just talking to no one?” Kayci asked. I nodded. “That’s super bitchy. I mean I have always just tolerated her because she’s one of your best friends but this is like way out of line. You have been more than fair and have given her a life that let’s face it without you she’d never be able to afford. She’s paid less for housing in your penthouse than I do for my bedroom with my shitty fucking roommates. She’s flown around the world like ten fucking times with you and gets to do some of the coolest shit. Hell, I’d kill for that job and we know that I essentially have no desire to have a real job in life because as my roommates like to say I get paid to play dress-up. She’s so far out of line that getting to keep any job is too nice.” I tried to give visual clues to Kayci to get her to shut up about it but clearly, I was failing.

“What’s out of line?” Pops asked. He knew nothing about what was going on at work. We’d all been trying to shelter him from the stress for the most part and only fill him in on the extremely important things.”

“Everything going on with Eliza,” I said.

“Oh, like how she tried to use her P Card for the Marilyn Monroe Suite at The Roosevelt?”

“She what?!” I asked.

“She still had a credit card for company expenses. She was an authorized cardholder on your account and you hadn’t answered the call, I was the second contact. I got a call from the credit card company one night for unusual charges about a week ago. They said the charge was at The Roosevelt so I called over there and talked to my contact since we often use it for client events. They sent over the security camera footage because it was on your account and I was worried your card or Eliza’s had been stolen. There she was with giant sunglasses and a headscarf trying to hide her identity checking into the Marilyn Monroe suite for an undetermined amount of time.”

“First of all, where the hell was I? Second, did you decline the charge?” I asked.

“You were busy with your sisters cooking dinner, it was Sunday. Your phone had been sitting next to mine. I didn’t want to worry you so I deleted the missed call and voicemail. I called Eliza, told her I was declining the charge and asked why she was checking in there. She lied about some bullshit. Said that a friend was coming in for a while and she wanted to have some privacy from Ty. I told her that it didn’t matter, she couldn’t use her P Card because that was theft. I told her that I wouldn’t turn her into our legal department and let her keep her job but that if she was trying to run from her problems I wouldn’t be paying for them. She made me promise not to tell her parents as she sobbed on the phone. Something is going on with that girl, she didn’t sound like herself. She sounded strung out so I changed all of the locks on the Malibu house, your penthouse, and this place the next day. It’s why you and Harry needed a new code last week. Ty changed the locks at your place so you’ll need new keys and new codes when you head home. She knows if she needs help she can come to me, I made that clear. But I also made it clear that she would no longer be living off of you if she wasn’t working for you.”

“Fuck. This is worse than I thought it was. I need to try and sit down with her, don’t I?”

“Probably at some point but give her some time. She usually figures shit out after a week or two. I mean how many times has she given you her resignation and then decided she was staying?” Pops asked.

“At least a dozen times.”

“So let’s allow this to make it one more time and give her another week before you step in. Ty and I can handle the rest of it.”

“I can’t believe you were keeping this from me,” I said as I turned to look straight into his eyes.

“You’ve been handling all of the hard stuff lately. I thought this could be my turn to handle the tough stuff. I told her that night that she sounded high and offered to send her to rehab. She denied it and hung up on me.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to get involved but if she’s using I might need to step in.”

“No, you don’t. If she’s using and needs help I’ll help her or I’ll call her mother and father. It’s our jobs to be parents, not yours. You’ve been working to take care of literally everyone in your life. You need a break and a vacation.”

“I’ll second that,” Harry said as he walked up to the pool. He bent down to kiss the top of my head before going to sit beside my father. “Speaking of vacations, we settled on a schedule for recording.” 

“When do you leave?” Pops asked.

“Two weeks. I’m trying to convince that daughter of yours that she’s coming with me for at least a few days in the beginning.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Pops said. “How long will you be gone?”

“The plan is 4-6 weeks before heading back and finishing between here and London,” Harry excitedly answered.

“Well, if you need her father/boss’s approval you’ve got it. Take her the whole damn time for all I care. It’ll be nice to have a break from her.” I threw the lid from my bottle of beer at my Pops.

“I’ll take care of Harold,” Kayci said.

“That’s just your excuse to figure out how to move home,” Pops replied laughing. “If your living situation is really that bad you can stay here until you figure something out?”

“Are you serious?!” Kayci looked stunned. Pops didn’t joke about this kind of stuff and she knew it as well as I did.

“Of course I am. I actually talked to your mother about it yesterday. She was going to take you shopping to try and figure out what you wanted to do to that last guest suite down by Evie and Harry. If my girls need somewhere to come home to my girls have a home here.” Before he knew what was happening Kayci had jumped out of the pool and engulfed my father in a giant hug. “Welcome home, Kayc."

There was a lot in that chapter. I know it may not make the most sense but neither does anything happening in Evie’s head right now. She’s trying to navigate her relationships in this new world after her father’s heart attack. Having one of the most important relationships struggle is hard on her. I speak from experience on this. It’s part of the reason it was very important for me to tell these parts of Jimmy’s recovery and the way it has an impact on Evie’s life, not just his.

Last year as I helped my mother through the aftermath of her diagnosis my relationships struggled. My brother and I fought over everything. My sister-in-law tried to pretend as if she was willing to be there but only when her schedule wouldn’t allow it. I had friends who disappeared off of the face of the earth, one of them being one of my closest friends. She always claims that I’ll let her know when I need her. A little over a year ago as I prepared to move home with my Mom for the first time in nearly 20 years I told her that I was done coming to her and telling her when I needed help. Friends don’t have to cry out to friends. They are just there for each other. They check in. They show love. They care. It wasn’t my job to point out that my life was in shambles to everyone around me. 

I wanted to show the struggles that a major life change can cause on relationships through this story. Unlike me, Evie doesn’t share any siblings with Jimmy. Eliza was the closest thing. As the struggle in their friendship imitates the real-life struggle in my friendships it became harder and harder to write. It’s part of why I needed a larger time to write this than I initially expected. It was hard to see the reality of my life played out on the pages of my fiction. But it was necessary, as your priorities in life shift so do the relationships in it.

I did find my voice again and have been working on another story that I’m unlikely to publish, at least here as Harry is not the lead male. For those curious Michael B. Jordan is. Finding my voice there helped me find my way back here. I am hopeful that chapter two won’t take nearly the amount of time that one did.

I hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to send your thoughts over. As my brain was scattered writing this I’m sure it’s not up to my normal writing standards but I would still love to hear from you.

xx AM.

[prettymuchsempiternal]

10,000 Hours Song Pref.

So guys, I’m kind of working on a song pref series for Prettymuch, not all the songs are pm songs but here’s the first! Hope you like it, this is my first time writing for the boys and I’m a little rusty cause I haven’t written in so long so.. be nice please? 

“Nights on nights on nights

Days on days on days

Clockwork, light work, homework

We don’t take no breaks.”

It’s Friday night and finals week is 2 days away. As if things couldn’t be more stressful and upsetting, Nick flew all the way here just to see me but I’m so stressed about potentially failing my chemistry final that I can’t really even spend any time with him. I hear a vibration and gratefully look away from my flashcards.

“Hey baby girl, how’s the studying going?” The message reads.

You’d think that after a year of being with him I would feel less giddy when he called me baby girl but the feeling never ebbs.

“Well, my head hurts and the words are kind of blurring together but apart from that? Terrible.”

“I’m coming over.”

“Babe, I don’t want you to come over just to sit here while I study.”

“Too late, I’m already in my car. I’m going to go get some snacks. See you soon.”

I roll my eyes at the comment but smile anyway.

“Besides, I’d rather sit with you while you study than to not be with you at all. Plus I can help you.” He says a minute later.

“Oh yeah? How are you gonna do that?”

“With incentives for questions you answer correctly ;)”

Oh man… something tells me I’m not going to get a lot of studying done tonight.

 “We gon’ get it right, get it right, baby.”

 “Brandon how are we supposed to have a relationship if every time we actually get the time to see each other we fight?” I cry to him. Here we are again, doing the same shit we always do. With Brandon and the boys always working to build their careers, him and I don’t get to see each other too often. When we first met they hadn’t come out that they were a boy band and we got to see each other almost everyday and practically never fought but now things have changed. Every time it’s something different. Sometimes it’s as small as leaving a pile of clothes on the floor and other times it’s about a picture or video of him holding a fan a little to close for my liking or in this, and most, cases he works all the time. You’d think that when we finally had the time to be together he’d want to be with me but he’d apparently much rather spend time with his computer and sound system.

“The long distance is apparently putting too much strain on our relationship we can’t keep fighting like this B, I can’t keep fighting like this. Maybe we should just give up, stop trying. Quit while we’re ahead. Maybe it’d be better for both of us to just move on.” I say, wiping the tears from my face, only to have them replaced by more.

At this, his face drops,  “Give up and stop trying? Move on? What are you talking about? We can’t give up. Y/N I love you. I don’t want to move on, there’s no one else I want to be with. No one I want to try this with other than you.” He walks over to me, cupping my face in his hands. “Y/N you’re all I want. But if this is what you really want, if this is what will make you happy then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll give you up right now if you don’t want to be with me anymore but I really, really don’t want to. I know I’m bad at showing it sometimes but you’re the love of my life. We’re going to get it right, we have to.”

 “Take you deeper than the ocean

Have you all in your emotion

Making hours out of seconds.”

             “Babe, do you have to go back?”

“I wish I didn’t, Z.  No part of me wants to go back and to school but I have to.”

It’s 3:38am and I’m lying down in bed with Zion, cuddled up and trying not to think about how the day after tomorrow I’ll be flying away from him.

“You could always take a semester off.”

I look up at him for a moment before he says,  “I’m kidding, I’m kidding I just don’t want you to leave me. This is the most time we’ve ever spent continuously together. I still can’t believe you’ve been here all summer… I can’t imagine what it’s going to feel like without you here sleeping next to me.”

I kiss the corner of his jaw, “I know. But I have to say that it’ll be a lot easier to sleep when I don’t have to fight an actual tree for the blanket.”

“Oh please! You’re the blanket hog. I just try to hang onto enough to cover my body. “

“Your body is too long!”

“Fight me.”

“Nah, I’d have to record it and I don’t want to embarrass you in front of all the BEANZ and the boys. Cause I’d win.”

“Girl please,” He rolls his eyes.

I just smile up at him, trying to memorize the curve of his jaw, the way his dreads fall across his face and the light in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s not that I’ll never see him again but we won’t be able to physically be with each other for months after I leave because he’ll be going on tour. Face time just isn’t the same. He sees the tears welling up in my eyes and his own smile drops, “What’s wrong?”

My smile grows just a little, “I’m gonna miss you so damn much. “

“I’m going to miss you too baby,” He says leaning down to kiss me.

When we break apart I look at him again, or stare is a better word I suppose. He grins, “Are you stunned by how dashingly good looking I am?”

“I love you Caleb.”

His smile falters before widening to a full on Cheshire grin. “I was supposed to be the one to say it first, way to ruin my plans.” He playfully rolls his eyes.

“Oh there was a plan?” I tease.

“Oh yeah, I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed tomorrow and confess my undying love for you.”

“I’d like to see the day where you wake up before I do.”

“Oh she’s got jokes. But I’m serious, I love you Y/N. I really was going to tell you before you left. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. No one has ever really connected with me on the same level as you. No one gets me the same way. This sounds so cliché and I hate saying it because of that but no one makes me feel the way you do.”

I look at him for a moment, a slow smile growing across my face. I lean in to kiss him, slowly and gently, before pulling away and snuggling into his side.

“I don’t think anyone has ever loved anyone as deeply as I love you.”

 “I’ll put in the time if you let me

I’ll fill up your mind with some memories.”

             “Austin we’ve been playing this game for over 6 months and nothing has changed. This is the perfect time for the both of us to just move on.” She sighs, letting her head drop down into her hands.

Y/N and Austin have known each other for about a year now and have had feelings for each other for just as long. They really never attempted to hide them, everyone knew they liked each other, including them but neither of them ever made a move to define their relationship. The beanz constantly asked if they were dating and the answer was always no but that didn’t stop them from shipping them and in some cases, hating on Y/N. Y/N never had much of a problem with their relationship dynamic for the majority of its duration but lately she’d been feeling like maybe Austin didn’t ever make a move toward becoming official with her because he didn’t actually want her like that or see her as girlfriend material. To make things even worse, Austin just found out that management wants the group to go on a press tour for their album before their tour so instead of being gone for 5 months; he’s going to be gone for 8.  And he’s leaving next week.

           “What game? What are you talking about? Who’s playing a game?” He asks.

“You like me, I like you, you know it, I know it, the boys know it, our families know it, hell even the beanz know it. We cuddle but only if it’s just the boys or us. Sometimes in public you’ll put your arm around me but when people ask you tell them that we are just friends and that you don’t think of me like that. You won’t really give any girl the time of day or you ditch them to be with me but you always tell people that we aren’t a thing and you’re single. And sometimes you just look at me like I’m everything you want, not just physically but like you don’t ever want to leave my side. When I come over or you come over you say hi to me by kissing me on the forehead and call me babe and baby but yet, you always introduce me as just a friend… If you don’t want to be with me like that that’s fine but Austin, I can’t keep doing this. I’m not going to push you into being my boyfriend when that very much seems like something you don’t want, if you don’t see me as girlfriend material then that’s fine. Breaking things off would probably just be the best decision for the both of us because I can’t be the girl you keep close until you feel like you’ve met someone worth your time. Maybe you’ll meet someone on one of your tours; maybe you’ll meet someone on this tour. We can’t keep each other from living our lives. We’re not together anyway, not really, maybe this is our sign that we should put an end to… whatever this is.” She says, her voice cracking at the end. She sniffles as Austin looks down at her sitting on the edge of his bed from his perch on his desk, his mouth slightly agape. The silence settles around them, his gaze never leaving her tear streaked face. After what feels like 2 full minutes of silence Y/N eyes drop to the ground and she gets up wiping at her face with her sleeve, “Glad we had this talk.”

           “Y/N wait,” He croaks out grabbing her arm. She stops but keeps her head down, not daring to look at him. “Is that really how you think I see you? As just some girl to fill a void until I feel like I’ve found ‘the one’ or something? “

Y/N just stands there, saying nothing with her face turned away from him.

“Y/N look at me. Please,” He pleads. When she doesn’t comply he slides off the desk to stand in front of her and takes her face in his hands. She closes her eyes before he can make her face him and he watches the tears flow down her face with his own building in his eyes.

“Y/N, the last thing I think of when I see you is just some girl. I would never think that about you, you’re so much more than that okay? I, God, Y/N you are the girl. You said I look at you’re everything I want and that’s because you are, baby. Will you please open your beautiful eyes and look at me?’

She keeps her eyes closed a few more seconds but slowly opens them and rests them on Austin’s face. She could hear his voice shaking but she’s still surprised to see that his cheeks are wet from him own tears.

“I want you in every way possible, okay? But I’ve seen first hand with myself and the other guys what a relationship can do to someone when you’re in the position I’m in. I don’t want you to go through that. The loneliness, the hate, the paparazzi, the jealousy planted by paparazzi, I don’t want that for you. I just-“

“Austin,” She interrupts, “Don’t you think I already go through all that? Don’t you think I get lonely when you’re off on some tour or going to London or wherever to shoot a music video or when I go to visit my parents? We spend basically every moment that we can together, of course when I’m not with you I’m lonely and I miss you. And if you think not having the label of your girlfriend is saving me from hate then you’re sadly mistaken and you should probably log in to your social media accounts a little more often. Like I said, we’re together as much as we possibly can be and the beanz know, or at least theorize that we have feelings for each other. Austin you aren’t saving me from anything by keeping me labeled as your friend okay? Just save the bullshit. If you don’t want me to be your girlfriend then you don’t want me to be your girlfriend that’s fine but just let me go.”

“When did I ever say I didn’t want you to be my girlfriend?”

“When did you say that you did?”

             He sighs, his shoulders slumping. “You wanna know why I’ve never tried to make us into an official thing? Because I’m scared Y/N, you’re beautiful, so fucking beautiful and I can’t look at twitter or Instagram without seeing at least a dozen comments about how ugly I am and how prettymuch would be better without me and how you would never actually be into me so why would I ever think that you would want to be with me? You’re so out of my league that it’s comical and I never wanted to push my luck. I figured that if I tried to really make you mine that you’d say no. And that I’d lose you and I just really didn’t want to do that. I can’t imagine not having you around so if having you around meant that you weren’t really going to be mine then I was willing to live with that.”

“Are you serious? I’ve been so completely transparent about how I feel about you. I get that people on the Internet are bitches and they get you down but I don’t give a fuck about what they have to say, all right? There is not a single person on this planet that I would rather be with right now or any other time than you. And fuck anyone who says you’re anything less than fine, baby. You are a fine, multitalented man that deserves so much better out of this shitty world than what you get and I-“ She stops.

“And you what? “

“I just hate to hear you talk like that about yourself. I’m not going anywhere okay? “ He wipes away any moisture left on her checks with his thumbs and searches her face before saying, “I know we aren’t together, not really, but I think I’m falling for you.”

She turns her head and kisses the inside of his palm and says, “I already fell. Now ask me to be your girlfriend so we can make the most of the week we have left together. We’ve got memories to make.”