#HE ISN'T DEAD HE'S JUST HIGH
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Day Three of @steddie-week - discover / first kiss / kiss on my list
find the previous day here :)
The afterlife wasn’t what Eddie thought it would be. Granted, he didn’t think it would be like anything. He’d gone the majority thinking that after death there's just… nothing. Like, it’s just death. Eternal darkness. Whatever. Most people would give him weird looks when he’d say that, most believing in at least a Heaven and Hell, but Eddie didn’t care. It’s what he believed, and that was that.
But if there was an afterlife, this was certainly far from what he’d expected. You know, maybe it would be insanely hot or cold, like just a severely uncomfortable temperature, and decolate lonesome, maybe some form of morbid torture, or the distrant screams of other lost souls drifting through the halls of corridors of Hell. Or, on the slight chance he’d made it to Heaven, he’d get greeted by some angel or whatever and everyone would be in white togas or something.
He certainly didn’t expect the afterlife to look like a hospital room, or to sound like a beeping machine and snoring and distant laughter, or smell oddly sterile, or feel comfortably warm.
He also didn’t expect to feel super good about it.
“Jesus- kid!” He heard a gruff voice say, and it was familiar.
What the fuck was Uncle Wayne doing in my afterlife?
And then his body was shocked with the warm feeling of a full bodied hug and his senses were filled with the thick scent of a woody aftershave and cheap detergent and instant coffee, and Eddie couldn’t care to question why his uncle was dead too, he just wanted to hug him. He hadn’t hugged him in a very long time, and right now, it felt super nice.
It was a long hug too, and he was pretty sure Wayne was crying.
He hadn’t seen Wayne cry, ever, except for that one day when Eddie got put into his care after his mother had died.
Wayne pulled back and planted his hands sternly on Eddie’s shoulders, and his cheeks were all wet and his under eyes were all swollen, and it was a very strange thing to look at. Wayne wasn’t a vulnerable person, and he allowed himself to be vulnerable around Eddie, when Eddie was hurting, but never to this extent. The man looked distraught.
Eddie supposed he did just die, so it was nice to know one person wasn’t feeling so hot about it.
“Never do that again, kid.”
Eddie furrowed his brow, “Do what?” His voice sounded weird, a little scratchy. It bugged him out.
“Die.” Wayne said sternly.
Eddie pulled a weird face and started to giggle, “Erm, I don’t think I can promise that, Wayne.”
“Promise it.” He pressed again.
“I promise… I will not… try to die.” Eddie said with a nod and another giggle, “I don’t have much say over the matter.”
“Fine.” Wayne gruffed, and then pointed a finger at him, “No dying until I’m long dead.”
Eddie didn’t like the sound of that. Of Wayne dying. Wayne wasn’t supposed to die. That’s just not a thing that can happen. Eddie needs him too much.
Wait.
Waynes already dead… if they’re here.
In the afterlife.
Oh my god, Waynes dead.
Eddie started hyperventilating.
“Wo- woah, woah, what’s going on, son?” Wayne pressed a hand over Eddie’s hear and tried to calm him, “I- I’m sorry, I’m not… I didn’t mean- I didn’t-”
“No!” Eddie shook his head, he felt frantic. Wayne couldn’t be dead. He just… he couldn’t. He wasn’t supposed to die! Fuck, “Wh- why are you here?”
“I’m-” Wayne looked like he was choking up and Eddie hated it, “Wh- what did I do? How can I… g- get a nurse-”
“Hey.” Another voice drifted into the picture and Eddie felt another set of hands on his chest and shoulder, slowly guiding him back down into his pillows, “Hey… hey… shhh.”
“Wh- what’s…” Eddie looked at the voice, and it was an Angel.
Huh, Eddie always thought Angels were supposed to be like, those big scary things with the eye in the middle and like, rings around it or too many wings, and it looked like it was supposed to trip you out. That’s what the damn Bible said. But hey, he guessed humans got something right.
They were beautiful creatures, Angels. They had soft features, and pretty pink lips, and freckles smattered over rosy cheeks, and gorgeous eyes, and strong shoulders, and fluffy brown hair, and moles that scattered it’s tanned skin, and muscles, and wore yellow sweaters.
Eddie relaxed a little in the Angel's presence.
He never thought himself religious, but after coming face first with divinity such as this, Eddie thought he might start praying every day.
“Relax. You’re okay.” The Angel said again, and Eddie listened, “What’s wrong?”
“He can’t be here.” Eddie whined, he felt his eyes grow a little wet and he struggled to lift a hand high enough to point back at Wayne.
The Angel furrowed its pretty brow, “Why not?”
“He can’t.” Eddie shook his head, a stern whisper, “It’s too soon.”
The Angel clenched his jaw, “Do… Do you want him to leave?”
“Please.” Eddie begged, because if anyone could grant life to a mortal again, it would be this Angel, wouldn’t it?
“Really?” Wayne croaked, and Eddie turned to look at him, “You don’t want me here, kid?”
Eddie shook his head, Wayne has to live. He has to. Eddie wont be okay if he doesn't.
Wayne's breath hitched, “W- well, alright then.” He stepped away from the bed and Eddie already missed him, “B-bye.”
Eddie looked at the Angel with desperation, “He’s going to be okay?”
The Angel swallowed, “Hes… what?”
“You’re going to make sure he’s okay?” Eddie pressed, and he really hoped this Angel did what was best for Wayne, “You’re going to watch over him?”
“Sorry?” The Angel looked confused.
Weird. It must be his first week on the job or something.
“Will my uncle be okay down there?”
“Down where?” The angel asked and looked over to Wayne.
“On earth.” Eddie said with a sassy shake of his head, because where the fuck else would he be talking about?, “Where people live?”
“Wh-”
“Eddie.” Wayne interrupted, stepping a little closer, “Are… Where do you think you are right now?”
“I dunno.” Eddie shrugged, “Heaven? Is that what you call it here?” He looked back to the Angel.
“Heaven?” Wayne asked again, “Didn’t think you believed in that-”
“Shh!” Eddie pulled a stern face at him and gestured his head toward the Angel, “Don’t tell it that.”
“It?” The Angel asked.
Eddie turned back to the beautiful entity, “Do Angels have gender?”
The Angel furrowed its brow again, and Eddie heard Wayne snicker from behind him, and then the Angels' already rosy cheeks turned even pinker, “E- Eddie…” it knew his name? Fuck, of course it knew his name, it was a damn Angel. But Eddie was still a little awestruck because wow, something that beautiful is addressing him?, “Do- do you think I’m an Angel?”
Eddie blushed a little this time, “Am I not supposed to figure it out?” He thought for a moment. Maybe Angels take the form of a human to blend in, to not scare people with their super big scary eye or whatever, “Sorry- I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”
The Angel smiled, and it was so pretty. It had a lovely set of pearly whites too, and Eddie maybe wanted to run his fingers along them.
“Ed…” Wayne put his warm, roughed up hand on Eddie’s forearm and smiled, “Do you think you’re dead?”
Eddie nodded, as if it was obvious, “I died… it was… oh, Wayne, it hurt so bad.” He scoffed and shook his head, “Wished you were there… but it’s okay. I had Dustin… and Steve.”
Wayne’s eyes widened a little, “Oh, you had Steve did you?”
Eddie nodded, “Yeah…” He sighed a little dreamily, “He’s so handsome.” And then he giggled.
Wayne grinned almost evilly and sat himself back down in his chair, “I bet he is. Did you tell him?”
“Oh yeah.” Eddie nodded, “He was the last thing I saw, you know? Such a pretty face.”
The Angel's breath hitched behind him, and then Eddie turned to look at it. The Angel sat down too, and Eddie thought it kind of looked a little like Steve. A lot like Steve, actually. It was so pretty.
Eddie giggled and reached a finger out to draw it over the Angels cheek, down over its nose and the top of its lip, “Like you… but… sorry, Steve’s more beautiful.”
“What?” A third voice entered the conversation, with a little shriek. Eddie looked over to see… oh no, Dustin. Dustin dropped all his things and threw himself at Eddie, climbing up onto the bed and wrapping himself around him, “You’re okay!”
Why was everyone dead?
Eddie held Dustin tight and looked to the Angel, “Why is he here too?”
It looked confused again, and so did Dustin. Dustin looked actually quite hurt, much like Wayne did before, “You… you don’t want to see me?”
Eddie shook his head, “Of course I want to see you…” He looked back to the Angel, “Take him back.”
“Take him back?” The Angel asked.
“Both of them!” Eddie felt himself well up a little.
“Is he okay?” He heard a fourth voice whisper, and he looked over to see Scott whispering in Wayne's ear.
No! Not Mr. Clark too. Fuck, why was everyone dead?
“All of them.” Eddie demanded, “Make them all live again!”
“Eddie thinks he’s dead.” Wayne said simply, addressing Dustin and his partner, “He’s high on pain meds, and he thinks Steve is an Angel, and we're all dead here with him in the afterlife.”
Scott seemed to relax a little at that as he sat down next to Wayne, and Dustin slumped back into Eddie’s chest.
“Your name is Steve?” Eddie asked the Angel, “Did you steal his face, and his name?”
The Angel- well, Steve apparently - blushed and smiled a little bit, “I’m really sorry.”
Eddie sighed and pouted, “I suppose it is a nice way to settle me in.”
“Yeah?” Steve asked.
Eddie hummed, “So beautiful.”
Dustin made a strange sound, “Steve?”
“It’s not Steve.” Eddie pressed, and looked back at the Angel, “I’m very sorry, Angel. You are beautiful, but you don’t compare to my Stevie, so I cannot call you that.”
The Angel turned very red. Eddie hoped he didn’t make it too angry, but he just couldn’t replace his Steve like that.
“Your Stevie?” Dustin screeched.
Eddie felt his heart drop.
“He… he said that before I…” He swallowed. His head suddenly felt very clouded and if he wasn’t already dead, he’s sure this might just kill him, “Please tell me I didn’t make that up… I can’t have made that up. I- I need it to be real. For so long, I’ve… he… he said he sees- please tell me I didn’t make it up. Please tell me he called himself mine.”
He looked desperately to the Angel, because they were supposed to be these… be all, know all creatures. And Eddie was sure that if it didn’t know, it could just check in with God or something.
“Please tell me it’s true.” Eddie sobbed, his eyes pleading, he suddenly felt very tired again.
The Angel looked a little saddened as it looked at Eddie, still red in the cheeks. It smiled softly, it’s eyes darted over to Wayne and then it ducked its head, “N- no. You didn’t make it up, Eddie.” Oh, sweet heavens, literally. Eddie was okay now, “I- he… he really said that. Steve said he’ll be yours, as long as you’ll have him.”
Eddie smiled dreamily and sunk back into his pillows, “I’ll have him forever. I’ll wait for him. Can you tell him I’ll wait for him?” He looked between Dustin and his uncles, “When the Angel takes you back to earth, will you tell Steve I’ll wait for him? He can have a happy, long life without me, and when he gets really old and dies of old person things and comes here, I’ll be waiting.”
Wayne gave him a very soft smile, “I’m pretty sure he already knows, Ed-”
“Just promise.” Eddie said sternly, “He has to know that I love him.”
The Angel gasped and Eddie looked over to it.
“You-” It shook its pretty head, “Love?”
Eddie nodded, his eyes very droopy now, “Hey Dustin?”
“Yeah?” He responded, his voice a little drifty, like his head wasn’t fully in the game.
“Can you look after Stevie?”
“Yeah.” Dustin nodded and looked over to the Angel with a sweet smile that Eddie really loved, “Promise I’ll look after him.”
“Good- and- and you too. Look after yourself… too.” He closed his eyes and hummed.
“Okay.” Dustin whispered, “Hey, Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you just… one more time for us, tell us how pretty you think Steve is?”
Eddie heard a swatting sound, like someone just got smacked. He couldn’t help but smile, of course, every time Steve popped into his head he had to smile. He loved Steve. And Steve was so pretty. Prettier than a goddamned Angel, apparently.
“Oh, he’s so pretty.” Eddie giggled and pried opened his eyes, “Don’t you think?”
“I mean, I don’t think.” Dustin shrugged, “Max does-”
“What?” The Angel said.
“I dunno, it’s the chest hair.” Dustin said.
The Angel shrunk down into its seat with more blush in it’s cheeks.
“Why don’t you think?” Eddie gasped and looked at the Angel, “Look, is that not super pretty.”
“Erm…”
“But, make it less blurry, and a little bitchy, and then you’ll have Stevie.”
“Blurry?”
“It’s so blurry in here.” Eddie said, and then he giggled, “You look so fuzzy.”
“Bitchy?” The Angel asked, and crossed its legs with a little sass.
“Mhm.” Eddie nodded, “Bitchy- Wayne knows.”
“I do.” He grinned and nodded at the Angel, “Steve’s sassy.”
The Angel's eyes widened and it lowered his head, as if it was shy, “Is not.”
Eddie giggled again, “So bitchy.” He bit his lip just thinking about it. Every bitchy remark he’d heard get called in school. The bitchy remarks thrown his way in the last week of Eddie’s life. The little hand on the hips pose he’d pull when giving one of the freshmen a look of disapproval. So bitchy, “So hot.”
“Okay.” Dustin said quickly and shook his head, “Time for night night’s, Eddie.”
Eddie pouted.
“You’ll be able to see Steve when you wake up.”
Eddie immediately closed his eyes, and everyone laughed a little. He thought for a moment- he did not want another dead person in here. He opened his eyes again, and Dustin groaned.
“He can’t be dead too.”
Dustin made a strangled face.
“Like…” Scott leant forward to speak, “You’ll be able to look down and watch over him.”
Eddie relaxed instantly. He liked the idea of that very much. Hopefully he could help keep Steve out of trouble too. Guide him in the right direction.
“And you’ll re-alive all of them?” Eddie asked the Angel, pointing out at the three people in the room.
“Promise.” The Angel nodded once.
“Okay.” Eddie smiled and closed his eyes again, thankfully, he was so tired, “Night night.”
“Night night.” Wayne said with a little chuckle, and then Eddie was out.
When Eddie woke up again, the room was very dark. He rubbed his eyes and groaned. It was a good sleep, a very good sleep. He had a dull ache in his side, and an ache in his bones he supposed was from not moving in a while and sleeping on this rock of a mattress. He looked around and vaguely remembered waking up in a hospital room before, but he didn’t think it was a hospital room before.
He looked around to see Dustin weirdly splayed out on an armchair he was pretty sure Wayne occupied before, and then he found someone else sitting in a little chair on the other side of his bed. His face smushed down into the mattress by Eddie’s hips, his hand reached up over Eddie’s thigh and rested on his stomach- his fingers intertwined with Eddie’s own.
Oh god, it was Steve. Steve in his sweet yellow sweater, sleeping uncomfortably, half on Eddie’s bed, holding Eddie’s hand.
Why did he remember an Angel sitting in that same position?
He gently stroked his thumb over the back of Steve's warm hand that- ohhh, Eddie couldn’t believe he was holding. All his dreams were coming fucking true.
And not only that, but he lived. He lived and Steve was holding his hand.
Life was looking up for Eddie.
He dared to reach out and run his fingers through the soft hair on Steve's head, and it was even better than he’d imagined. Light and fluffy, silky and smooth, so soft. Eddie hoped Steve would let him do this forever. He played with Steve's hair as carefully as he could, trying to remain soothing so he wouldn’t wake.
But it was useless. Steve lifted his head and yawned and looked at Eddie, and all Eddie could do was freeze. He froze, one hand sitting in Steves, and the other sitting flat atop his head. They both blinked, once, twice, and then Steve was smiling.
“You’re awake.”
Eddie nodded.
“Your hand is on my head.”
“Sorry.” Eddie swallowed and pulled it back.
Steve laughed, “It’s okay, it felt nice.” He laid his head back down on the mattress, but this time he turned so he could face Eddie, “Keep doing it?”
Ah, this must be the universe apologising for all the fucked up shit that’s happened. Eddie ran his hand through Steve’s soft hair again.
“You still high?”
Eddie snickered, “Don’t think so.”
“Good.” Steve smiled, “Whilst that was really funny, it did bring up some awkward conversations.”
“Oh god…” Eddie swallowed, “What did I say?”
“Well, for one… you thought Wayne was dead and then you thought the same about Dustin and Mr. Clark- who, by the way, was a shock to see here.”
Eddie snickered, “Oh, yeah…well, you can understand why it’s not common knowledge that they’re together- you don’t have an issue-”
“No, god no.” Steve rolled his eyes, “Just… my middle school science teacher was the last person I expected to see waiting at your bedside, crying over you.”
Eddie’s heart swelled, “How long was I out for?”
“Three days.” Steve said with a sigh, “And then you passed out for another seven hours… Wayne and Scott have gone home to shower, they’ll be back in an hour or two.”
“Okay.” Eddie said quietly.
“You also thought I was an Angel.”
Ah.
“Right.”
“It was… amusing.” Steve smiled, “You kept asking me to make sure they’d all be resurrected.”
Eddie laughed softly, “And I see you’ve done your job well.”
“I take it very seriously.” Steve nodded.
“As you should.”
Steve gave Eddie a warm smile and closed his eyes for a moment. Eddie felt him squeeze his hand softly, like he just needed a moment to process it - Eddie, being alive and here right now, with Steve.
The thought of that gave Eddie butterflies.
Steve opened his eyes again, and Eddie had to take a moment to appreciate just how beautiful they were. The room was dark, but there was just enough moonlight being cast through the window (and glowing flashy things on Eddie’s heart rate monitor and everything all around him) to illuminate his soft features, and Eddie thought maybe that Angel was still in the room with him. Steve could very well be one, with beauty like that and a heart like his.
“What are you thinking about?” Steve whispered after a while.
Before Eddie even processed the question properly, his damn mouth was betraying him and speaking on its own accord, “You.”
“Ew.”
Eddie’s heart sank. Ew? Ew? Okay, Eddie could handle a little rejection, but he thought Steve might be a little more mature about it than that.
Only it wasn’t Steve that said that, was it?
“Get a goddamned room.” Dustin groaned and rubbed his eyes before flopping into another uncomfortable looking position.
“We have one.” Steve sat up, resting his elbow of the arm that held Eddie’s hand on the mattress and the other one gestured to the entire room, “You’re just in it.”
Dustin groaned and pulled the blanket up over his head, “Gross.”
“You’re gross.” Steve snapped back.
“Stop.”
“We were having a moment, Dustin.” Steve cocked his head at the boy, who was still hiding behind his blanket, “And you ruined it.”
“Stop having moments when there are fourteen year olds in the room then.”
“Sorry that Eddie woke up whilst you were in here. Not my fault.”
Eddie was enjoying this conversation very much. Watching on with a bright smile.
“It’s entirely your fault.” Dustin pulled the blanket back and deadpanned him.
“Listen here you little shit.” Steve whispered sternly and pointed a finger at him, “You either shut up and go back to sleep, or you go get a soda or something.”
“I’m tired.” Dustin whined.
“Sleep then.” Steve wabbled his head.
“You’re so annoying.”
Steve gave the kid the bitchiest smile he could muster, “Likewise.”
Dustin flipped him off, and Steve flipped him off right back.
Eddie looked at Steve dreamily and bit his lip.
“Oh ew.” Dustin said again and kicked his covers off, “Eddie, get a grip man.”
Eddie blinked and looked at Dustin a little confused, so did Steve.
“Steve, never be bitchy around Eddie again, look at him. This is repulsive.” Dustin muttered and grabbed his backpack off the floor, “I’m getting a soda.”
Steve snickered and winked at him, “Have fun.”
Dustin flipped him off again and left the room.
“What?” Eddie muttered.
“Apparently you like it when I’m bitchy.” Steve said simply, shuffling his chair a little closer to lay his head down again. However this time, rather than resting it on the mattress, he rested it on Eddie’s thigh.
Eddie turned bright fucking red and Steve giggled. How the fuck did he know that?
“You talk a lot when high.”
Eddie smiled shily, oh, “Ah, yeah… that’s… that’s something I’m working on.”
Steve laughed. They fell into a comfortable silence again, and Eddie rested his hand on the back of Steve's head and sifted his stiff fingers through Steve’s hair. He honestly couldn’t get enough of it. He tensed when he noticed that Steve had started to cry. He stopped his movements entirely, looking down at him as the tears started to fall from his pretty eyes.
“Don’t stop.” Steve sobbed, his voice so brittle and quiet, on the verge of breaking, “Please don’t stop.”
So Eddie didn’t. He tightened his grip on Steve's warm hand (which was a little clammy now, but so was his own) and continued to run his fingers through Steve's hair. Steve cried, but it wasn’t a broken cry, it didn’t twist his gut and make him hurt. It was soft, almost as delicate as a flower. Eddie felt a little strange for thinking this, but it was a pretty cry. Steve looked awfully pretty whilst crying right now. He switched between quietly sobbing with his eyes closed, leaning into Eddie’s thigh and soaking the blankets with his tears, to just looking at Eddie with a saddened smile, the tears still falling and his lip still trembling, but not as painful. He thought maybe Steve was fighting between emotions; finally letting himself feel all the pain they had to go through, and being so utterly grateful that they were alive, and here, together. And so Eddie kept stroking his hair, and offered Steve small smiles, and that’s all he could do, and that’s all that Steve needed.
He found it a little ironic, actually. Well, not ironic, more so just… bittersweet. When Eddie was bleeding out in Steve’s arms, Steve ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair to soothe him and it made him feel a little calmer. And now, here Steve was, crying to Eddie, looking more vulnerable than Eddie had ever seen him, and Eddie was stroking Steve's hair.
He thought it was a little poetic, in a messed up sort of way.
“Thank you.” Steve sobbed with a sort of sniffle that followed. He dragged their joint hands towards his face, and kissed Eddie’s knuckles that were a little roughed up and scarred, now that he looked at them, “Thank you.”
Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat, he had a feeling Steve wasn’t thanking him for stroking his hair.
“Of course, Stevie.” Eddie whispered.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand.
“Me too, Sweetheart.” He fluffed Steve's hair, and Steve smiled, blooming pink again.
He sobbed into Eddie’s thigh again, and Eddie’s eyes suddenly felt very wet themselves.
“Come here.” He whispered, gently nudging Steve's shoulder.
Steve sat up - their hands very unfortunately disconnecting - and he wiped his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater, “You sure?”
Eddie smiled and pet the spot on his bed beside him, and peeled back the covers, “Ah… don’t mind the hospital gown, promise I’m usually more decently dressed than this.”
Steve laughed wetly and climbed up onto the bed beside Eddie, and curled into his side, his head resting on Eddie’s chest, one of his legs hooked over Eddie’s. Eddie tucked the covers back up around their waists and put his arm around Steve, fighting off the pain that came with.
Steve took his hand again, and looked up at Eddie.
This would probably be the right time, if ever, for Eddie to lean down and kiss those pretty swollen lips of Steves. To hold him and tell him he loved him. To say everything and nothing at all. But a horrible feeling sunk deep in his chest told him not too. It ate away at him and told him Steve would never want that. It’s just the heat of the moment. Don’t be stupid, Eddie.
Eddie swallowed and laid back into his pillows, looking up at the roof. Steve sighed and settled in against him, his thumb now rubbing soft circles over the back of Eddie’s hand. Eddie sifted a hand through his hair again.
I love you, Eddie thought to himself, I love you with every bone in my body, and all the blood in my veins.
“Oh god.” Dustin groaned as he walked back into the room, “It’s gotten worse.”
Eddie couldn’t help but grin as the boy flopped down into his chair again.
“What’s your problem, Dustin?” Steve whispered, his voice still wet from crying, but he was doing his best to put on a brave face for the kid, “I thought you wanted me and Eddie to like eachother.”
“Yeah…” Dustin shook his head at them like this was an obvious fact, “But not this much.”
Eddie felt his cheeks blush.
“So, you wanted us to be humble acquaintances?” Eddie asked, his fingers playing with the hairs at the high of Steve's neck.
“No.” Dustin scoffed and sipped on his soda, “I wanted you to be friends… like, good friends.”
“Ah, we are good friends.” Steve said.
“No.” Dustin shook his head, “You’re like, in love with each other. I don’t need my two big brother figures being in love with each other, that’s gross.”
“You think of us like brothers?” Steve asked, a little in awe.
Eddie couldn’t help but feel the same, “Yeah, you think-”
“I shouldn’t have said that.” Dustin muttered.
Wait.
“Steve.”
Steve tensed, “Y… yeah?”
“Are you…” Eddie swallowed, “Are you in love with me?”
Steve furrowed his brow and looked up at Eddie, “Well…” He shrugged.
They could both feel Dustin glaring at them from over there.
“You- you want me?” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat.
“Yeah.” Steve said, as easy as breathing, “Do… you remember our conversation before you- before?”
That was real?
“Wait…” Dustin stood up, “You mean to tell me that you’re here, cuddled up in bed, and you think this is just… friends being friends?”
Eddie’s eyes widened and he felt himself blush a little more, “Is it not?”
“Have you not been making out in my absence?”
“Making out?” Eddie almost shouted.
“Ah, no.” Steve said, “Eddie just woke up from a coma, Dustin. As if I’m just going to have a heated makeout session with him about it!”
“Have you kissed?”
“Not yet!” Steve skwarked, “What did I just say?”
“Well, I’d assumed you’d have kissed him- Jesus… it’s just been Eddie this, Eddie that, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie for the past three and a half days Steve.” Dustin folded his arms over his chest and sassed him.
Steve deadpanned him, “Now you know how I feel.”
Dustin blushed and looked at Eddie, “I didn’t talk about him that much.”
“You realise the only reason I feel this way about Eddie is because you wouldn’t shut up about him- I know him better than I know you at this point, kid.”
Eddie swallowed, his heart was beating so fast. So fucking fast right now. Steve… Steve loved him? Steve wanted to kiss him? Steve has wanted this for longer than they’ve even properly known each other? Just… just like Eddie? Oh god, oh god, oh, god-
“Fine, but you can’t be all mushy and gross around me. Just… kiss your boyfriend, Steve!”
“I would if you weren’t standing here, telling me to kiss him- plus, I don’t think Eddie actually wants that?”
Huh.
Is Steve on drugs now?
Wait, boyfriend?
“What makes you say that- he litteraly professed his love to you whilst high, thinking you were so beautiful you had to be an Angel, Steven.”
“Don’t use my legal name.” Steve glared at him, “I say that, because… well, it’s none of your business, actually.”
“It is my business, since I’m the reason this is happening, apparently.”
“Can you just give me and my boyfriend some space, please?”
Boyfriend?
“Well-” Dustin stopped mid sentence, and looked dead at Eddie, “Ah… are you okay?”
Steve turned to him and gasped, “Oh, my god, Dustin, get a nurse- Eddie, Eddie what’s happening? Where does it hurt?”
“Boyfriend?” Is what Eddie squeaked out, his heartbeat thudding so loudly in his ears he could barely hear the heart rate monitor's rapid beeping sound.
“Wh- that…. Are you…” Steve sat up, frantically checking over Eddie, “Dustin, get. the. nurse.”
Eddie could only stare at Steve, “You love me?”
“Not important- Dustin!”
“He’s fine, Steve!” Dustin shouted, “Look at him.”
“He's gonna have a heart attack or something!” Steve was on edge.
“No.” Dustin laughed, “Oh my god, you’re such a loser, Eddie.”
Eddie opened and closed his mouth a few times.
“Dustin-”
“He’s fine.” Dustin sighed and grabbed his backpack, “I’m going to visit Max.” He walked for the door, and Steve was about to lose his shit, “Just kiss him, man.”
Steve looked back at Eddie as the door swung shut, and Eddie just started nodding his head aggressively.
“You- are…”
Eddie reached forward to grab Steve's hands and pull him closer, “You love me?”
Steve’s eyes widened and he sat back on his heels, thinking for a second, “Well… well, yeah?”
“I’m your boyfriend?”
Steve kinda smiled, “Yes?”
“Ohmygod.” Eddie muttered, “Ohmygod.”
Steve's shoulders relaxed, “You didn’t know?”
Eddie shook his head, his heart rate slowing slightly but it was still beating faster than normal.
Steve sighed and slouched back into Eddie’s side, cuddled up against the pillows again, “Do you want me to kiss you?”
Eddie nodded rapidly, “You want that?”
“Of course I do, baby.” Steve smiled and brushed some of Eddie’s hair out of his face and behind his ear, “Do you?”
“Of course.” Eddie muttered, too nervous to move closer, “O-of course.”
“Okay.” Steve laughed softly, “I can kiss you.”
“And… it wasn’t a dream?” Eddie asked, his voice a little quiet as Steve moved closer, his heart rate spiking again, “You- you’re really mine?”
“As long as you’ll have me, Ed’s.”
“Oh.” Eddie melted, and Steve finally kissed him.
It was the best kiss that Eddie had ever had.
It was one of the best things in Eddie’s entire life.
Eddie would have Steve forever and longer, for as long as he could.
**
read Day Four here
\/ a dodgy art piece for this one \/
#steddie week 2023#jay writes#Day Three#HE ISN'T DEAD HE'S JUST HIGH#DON'T FREAK OUT#steddie#steve x eddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson pov#eddie high off pain meds is so funny to me#steve is an angel#so cliche#but idc#fluff#super fluff#a little bitta angst#sassy bitchy steve#dustin henderston#wayne munson#scott clarke#dustin & steve#dustin & eddie#wayne & eddie#side clarkson#dustin is a true matchmaker weather he likes it or not#first kiss#post vecna#fix it fic?#stranger things
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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"Stillborn? No, no, still born." -- DPXDC AU
Based off a comment I saw where Bruce knew about Talia's pregnancy in the earlier comivs, and was ecstatic to be a father. So much so that Talia feared he'd give up being Batman for it, so when she gave birth she put the baby (Damian) on a doorstep and (seemingly) told Bruce that the baby was stillborn.
Instead of Damian, that baby was Danny! Meet Daniel Brown, the 14 year old foster kid whose been living with the Fenton family for the last two years. He's about two years older than Damian.
His last name, "Brown", was a generic surname given to him because the note he came with didn't have one on it. It just had the name "Danyal" on it, but albeit 'Daniel' was the one that had been put into the system for, I'll be totally frank here, racism reasons.
(I looked it up to make sure, and it's generally not permissible for foster parents to change the names of their foster kids even if it's a permanent residency, and for that reason Danny doesn't have the last name "Fenton".)
Danny's got ✨~issues!~✨ He's been through a handful of homes growing up, most of them terrible for a variety of reasons. Which has, as a result, left lasting scars. He's generally a very sweet kid, just very distrustful and jumpy. He's got the signs of a kid suffering from PTSD, and a handful of other issues including attachment and insomnia. His inferiority complex could rival Damian's, and that's going to make for an interesting mutual hatred for when they finally meet.
(something I'll get into later)
He still has the blanket he was found in. It's made of a very high quality material and is a beautiful emerald green with little golden thread accents, it's high quality as a result has Danny clinging onto a desperate hope that his bio family might be out there, and the only reason they gave him up was because of some outside factor. It's been taken a few times in old foster homes, and he's flipped out each time.
While he still calls Jack and Maddie by their names, he likes them well enough. The bar isn't that high though, and while they're some of the better foster parents he's had, "better" doesn't equal "safest". Their laboratory malpractice. Basically, C- Fenton Parents. They're negligent by virtue of being engrossed in their work, but they do care equally about Jazz and Danny. So he doesn't hold it against them that much.
He kinda prefers it that way, their loud affection is overwhelming and Danny doesn't know what to do with their attention, even if he craves it. It's a bit of a complicated situation.
They took in Danny because they genuinely wanted another child, but didn't want a big age gap between them and Jazz. It was actually Jack's idea to foster, and they discussed it with Jazz beforehand. She was all for the idea. Thus, a handful of weeks later, a ton of paperwork, and inspection later, and Daniel Brown entered their household with a trash bag in one hand and eyes like shards of stained glass.
His relationship with Jazz is kinda strained, but that's by virtue of her constant psychoanalyzing and helicoptering. Like with the parents, Danny's overwhelmed by the attention and also just, straight up doesn't like the fact that she's telling him that there's something wrong with him. He knows that, thank you. He pushes her away when she does this.
Other than that though? When Jazz isn't smothering him and is acting like an actual sibling and not a third parent, they're pretty close, and Danny really likes her. They've hung out a few times on their own volition, and Jazz showed him how to take better care of his long hair.
His school situation,, pretty similar to canon with the bullying, albeit with a few more instances of him blowing a fuse and lashing out against his attackers. He's a rather angry kid, but it's quiet. It builds up, piles on top of itself, until eventually, like a volcano, it erupts and burns everyone within radius.
Danny's got a fire core, not an ice core. Phantom's hair is made of white magma; thick and heavy, setting itself on fire when his anger runs hot. When he gets angry, his skin begins to char and split open to reveal pulsating lava underneath, and he crackles and pops like a raging forest fire.
I haven't decided yet on how he meets the batfam -- i've got two ideas but they're both in opposition to each other, and drastically alter how the rest of the plot goes. But I do know that him and Damian hate each other in the beginning. And it has nothing to do with inheritance or "being the blood son" -- although their blood relation absolutely plays the major role in their disdain for each other.
Simply put, they're jealous of each other for the same thing: thinking that the other was wanted.
Damian hates Danny because, unlike Damian, Bruce knew about Danny since conception and wanted him from the moment he heard about him. He had a whole nursery set up, and still does. He never took it down -- just locked the door. Damian was thrust upon Bruce without warning, and he feels like he forced himself into the family. And while on some level Damian knows and understands that Bruce wants him and loves him as much as his other children, that doubt and feeling of inferiority still remains. He looks at Danny and sees him with what Damian always feels he needs reaffirmed.
Meanwhile, Danny hates Damian because he looks at him and sees him with everything Danny's ever wanted. He hates him because Damian grew up knowing both of their parents, with one of them for most of his life, and then moved over to the other. There was never a moment where Damian was (seemingly) left to doubt his place within the family. Damian was raised with the very same woman who left Danny on a doorstep, with no clue to his identity beyond a little green blanket and a note with only a first name. Damian was wanted everywhere, and Danny was wanted nowhere. Damian is Danny's replacement in his eyes.
(It's the little revelation that Damian grew up with their mother that elevates Danny from being quietly envious of Damian to downright despising him. What did Damian do, that Danny didn't? He could live with Damian living with Bruce -- Bruce didn't know Danny was even alive. But him living with their mom? Are you fucking kidding him?)
Damian never outright attacks Danny physically, but it's not like he hides that he didn't like Danny. Meanwhile, Danny, in all his repressive anger, quietly despised him from a distance until finally one wrong snide side-comment has him blowing up and it becomes a screaming match. They're both just enough similar to each other that when they look at each other they really just see a mirror.
They'll work it out together, eventually. But it'll be ugly and cruel and explosive, and they'll start mending the bridge to become brothers in more than just blood relation in the end.
But yeah, stillborn Danny has... a lot going for him.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#danyal al ghul#dpxdc prompt#additions. opinions and brainstorming are encouraged!! i'd love to hear what other people's thoughts on this are and brainstorm with them.#the brainstorming is the best part.#stillborn? no still born au#poc danny fenton#stillborn au#long haired danny fenton#danny isn't surprised by the fact that the fentons were greenlit for foster parenting considering some of the foster parents HE'S had#those two ideas differed in who found out about who first. Whether it be Bruce or Danny. bruce finding out about danny first results in#Bruce seeking him out first and being able to explain his side of the story first without misunderstandings. this is the Happy Version#Danny finding out about Bruce first results in him getting an official DNA test done and intentionally seeking him out to introduce himself#except when he finds out about damian's existence his shit self worth results in him jumping to the conclusion that his bio family never#wanted him in the first place. that they weren't looking for him and instead just up and replaced him. This is the Fucking SAD Version#and includes a conversation where Danny looks Batman dead in the eyes and tells him that he was 'daddy dearest's fucking reject'#danny completely unaware that batman = bruce wayne btw. for the extra angst. bruce has to stand there and take it. rip#this poor boy needs antidepressants. therapy. and rehab. probably. i've thought about him having an old addiction that he was recovering#from prior to the fentons. but its not confirmed yet. if i go through with it its either gonna be nicotine or like painkillers. i need to#wait and think about it when i'm not on the angst train. i have a tendency to go overboard when i am. its the endorphin high#Danny calls Damian his 'fucking replacement' and Damian tackles him.#starry makes another angsty au
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Occasional Visits
Once upon a time, there was a man who had a pit of Lazarus and was the Head of the League of Assassins. Perhaps the Lazarus is rancid ecto, and the death emanating from all of the members around to it is really starting to pull some attention.
And perhaps, one High Queen of the Infinite Realms early on had decided that, "Man, I gotta check this out." Time, of course, decides that "That would be a good precaution. Just be careful." And gives a few time portal visits.
Now, imagine those visits keep going. For the Head of the League, it is a first meeting of suspicion followed by rivalry, before the years churn along into an amicable acquaintance. For the High Queen, it is a FrootLoop who needs to be kept under watch, before years grind down the drive to continue messing with his plans and go back to managing the Realms and allowing for others to take action.
Contemplate the idea that only five years with visits for the High Queen is decades with occasional visits for the Head of the League. Maybe it is an occasion that is now greeted with a bit of celebration, for someone who he can talk too and know from the past who isn't now against him or dead.
And maybe, just maybe, he's about to get another visit. Right in the middle of something important. Who could say?
#dp x dc prompt#dpxdc#dcxdp#high queen danny phantom#Yeah it's been a while since you seen that tag huh?#danny fenton#ras al ghul#You know the drill#gender is optional for ghosts.#And birthing two heirs is queen qualification#First post in two years huh?#Obviously Ra's ain't good and Danny isn't fond of it#But it's a sort of friendship#In a weird way#Danny learns to believe others will stop Ras and he doesn't need to do everything himself#So just enjoy the talks#if you wanna continue this be my guest. i would love it!#Yeah#it's me#back on my bs once more. I kind of burnt myself out and some posts were real questionable in quality#but hey#hyperfixation stuff or whatnot. And yes#I am still the number one pusher of the High Queen Danny Agenda. You can pry it outta my cold dead hands. I'll come back as a ghost with it#dc x dp#dp x dc
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some dff girlies really said. I can excuse filming a video of your classmate getting SA-ed, a video that then ends up shared on social media for thousands of people to see, but I draw line at cheating 😤
#dff#dead friend forever#insane priorities you guys have#and yeah i do think people consider it cheating rather than grooming and coercion simply because#keng is a young and conventionally attractive guy#imagine for a second that keng is a disgustingly creepy older man. wow suddenly it looks like SA isn't it?? that's because it is!!!!!#also i saw someone say that the show didn't romanticise the keng/non thing but i think unfortunately it did a little#there was this lingering shot of keng sensually taking off his shirt and i was just like. why. why is it so unnecessarily fanservice-y#when he's about to fuck his student. who's a high schooler#weird as hell but okay
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𝙸 𝙲𝙰𝙽 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁 𝙰 𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙴𝙻𝚈 𝙾𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚃𝙾𝚁 𝙾𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙽𝙴,
𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝙽'𝚃 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙷𝙾𝙼𝙴
↓ more variations
+ a version for those who like solving codes a random person on the internet made ↓
( if you solve anything please lmk ill be so happy )
#dead man – self#also its my bday hehe /gen#zesty ahh#he might have an attitude of a white man but he isn't one for sure#those might be gloves and thigh highs he is wearing#what are you#a cop?#anyways bill with fucked up teeth for life#can somebody compliment the amazing background pls i worked hard#and the posters too#aren't they just great#art#artwork#ukrart#artists on tumblr#drawing#gravity falls#sketch#fanart#bill cipher#digital art#tbob#the book of bill#bill ci the triangle guy#dorito guy#украрт#український tumblr#гравіті фолз
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I got a new laptop.
#tss patton#tss virgil#moxiety#so to run down the idea because it burns a hole in my head#Virgil and Patton start dating at like 20 and it's perfect except for one thing#They want completely different futures and long term they couldn't work out#Patton wants a picket fence and kids and a marriage#Virgil isn't mentally here for any of that nor is it something he wants it's stressful and not for him#He wants that one bedroom apartment with a cat and a man who isn't legally attached lifestyle#From the beginning they knew it's a matter of time before they break each other's hearts but two years come and go#they're scared because fuck they fell so deeply in love with who they are#years later Patton moves on gets married to another and lives quietly#But the minute the second he gets to see Virgil again he falls apart because he can't love his husband- not like that#And blah blah High Infidelity Ivy I'd Have to Think About It Becoming the Lastnames Cleopatra Presumably Dead Arm#None of this is shown in the image just the idea that they know their end is coming#hi guys
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Even since Michael's heavenly ascend, not just the music industry but, quite frankly, the entertainment industry as a whole has been left with a massive void that I don't believe will be fulfilled in the near future or ever again. That man had a star power equivalent to three Galactuses at their most powerful. You will never witness someone like that ever again, not in this lifetime nor the next one. He was and still is one of a kind.
#michael jackson#txt#michael is one of the very very few celebs i actually care about even though he is no longer here with us physically#how come this man has been dead for nearly a decade and a half and he is still more relevant than the most relevant LIVING celebs rn????#that's how you know that if he was still around people would go just as insane over him as they did decades earlier#michael is the biggest celebrity artist performer entertainer of all time. there is no debate around this topic#the mj fandom on this site is practically dead but i know there are a few of you that will come across this and agree wholeheartedly#i manifest the biopic being a massive commercial and critical success#it will gross over $1 billion at the box office and become one of the most profitable movies of the 2020s as well as a staple in biopics#specially the musical ones. we are gonna make that happen#i mean we already do a far superior job to his actual goddamn estate so we can easily turn this into an overnight hit#not a sleeper hit/cult movie but an INSTANT hit#the closest people we got michael's level of legendary fame are paul mccartney and madonna but even they don't make as much noise#i'm (not) sorry but michael was truly built different. he was on a category of his own#a category so incredibly monstrously and insanely high that i don't believe anyone else will ever be able to reach it#no swifties taylor swift isn't on michael's level either#her level of fame is closer to madonna's at her peak#a massive star but not on michael's level. michael was practically worshipped outside of america even in the most racist anti-black#cultures you can think of. he broke racial barriers like that#and madonna was still bigger than taylor in her heyday lol#so what does that tell you?#i'm sorry but being famous was far more impactful back then than it is now#social media changed the dynamic between the public and celebs forever
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happy tdov! got another spidersona for ya! :]
'parker' is in between names right now but that doesn't stop him from being the spiderman of his dimension!
their dimension is fairly desaturated so the appearance of our favorite red and blue hero is a disturbance in more ways than one
gwen stacy becomes his 'guy in the chair' after she figures out that he's spiderman :]
#gari draws#gari’s ocs#oc: parker#spiderman#spiderverse#that side profile had hands oh my god 😭#I started this. september 2023. it's older than the piece with mario holding mela and pera#I just consistently forgot about it before making the push to finish it for tdov#since. you know. I made them from earth 331#he's closeted in his secret identity but as you can see. presents masc as spiderman. don't expect a spider-person to be strict on health#gwen and parker went to the same all girls middle school before moving on to a co-ed high school and were good friends#before parker started being weird/withdrawing for several reasons#she figures out that he's spiderman but NOT that he was trans so when she was going over her evidence he just kinda awkwardly blurts it out#I think it would be nice for parker's new name to be ben but I have been unsuccessful in researching trans renaming + the jewish naming#after the dead thing so he could also be peter. but I want him to be ben bc that would be kinda boring. if anyone has a good source lmk#aunt may is supportive!#idk parker has any special powers. but that isn't set in stone
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Saul Wrong?
I have many controversial BrBa/BCS opinions, but the one that I always come back to is that Saul Goodman worked way better as a comic relief supporting character than as a protagonist of his own show.
I actually found him more likeable when he was an unapologetic sleazebag, it was when they tried to make me feel sorry for him in his own show that I lost sympathy. His pathological criminality brings out my inner Howard/Chuck, I guess. It's like....dude...why are you like this? And I don't necessarily feel like the show does a very good job of explaining it. At a young age he sees his father getting taken advantage of by conmen, and apparently accepts the (deeply morally cynical) attitude that the world is separated into hustlers (wolves) and marks (sheep.) His parents seem to have been totally normal people for whom he felt affection but no respect, because he can't stand rubes, and that's what they were. His brother Chuck is not a rube and is the family member whose affection and respect Jimmy seems to covet the most, though it's not clear whether he has any awareness that the very quality that makes his brother's esteem worth having (his commitment to an objective standard of morality—the fact that he can see through Jimmy's bullshit) is the one thing that prevents them from understanding one another.
Somehow the fact that Walt lived a (basically) normal life until his cancer diagnosis, and everything he does is predicated on his awareness of his own mortality, makes the character's moral fall from grace...more understandable to me? He obviously has a bunch of bottled up petty resentments and a sense of having wasted his potential, but I find his pathology way more coherent than Jimmy/Saul's. I think this is really because he was always the main character of a show, and Saul got a gigantic retconned deep backstory for the spin-off which, while enjoyable, was very obviously not the point of that character when he was created. BCS had to answer the question, "why would someone become like this?" but I wonder if there really is a particularly satisfying way to explain why a comic relief criminal lawyer would choose to work with a person like Walt.
I think BrBa did a better job of showing how Walt self-justifies his awful behavior (compartmentalization, projection, guilt) but Jimmy/Saul seems to have something missing (a sympathy chip? He's capable of feeling compassion for people he relates to, but no sense of seeing value in any abstract principle.) Why are you so obsessed with breaking the rules, dude? His brother is basically correct in their final conversation when he assesses Jimmy as behaving like a child who refuses to acknowledge the consequences of his actions beyond how they hurt him. Every moral consideration is made in terms of his subjective feelings. Him feeling entitled to a high-profile job at his brother's law firm when his brother had to bail him out of serious legal problems is really kind of insane.
Maybe the real problem for me is that Walt is obsessed with gaining respect and Jimmy is obsessed with being liked, and at the end of the day as a motivation for villainy in a man, I.....kind of find the latter more pathetic than the former.
#breaking bad#better call saul#saul goodman#jimmy mcgill#walter white#breaking bad meta#better call saul meta#this isn't exhaustive but i've been thinking about this for awhile#even the courtroom scene with kim just reads as him wanting her to not hate him#i will give him credit for admitting he is responsible for his brother's death however#i think i might've realized jimmy reminds me of my dead father in not a good way lol#i don't think i have a super high tolerance for really emotionally needy men#with walt at least it's usually played for laughs more than sympathy
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So incredibly pleased to see fans sexualizing not just old men but fat old men!
Something inside me just sings to know that Pat from BBC Ghosts could inspire such a large amount of lovingly crafted pornography on AO3!
As a fat fellow who hopes very much to be a fat old man myself someday, what a gift!!
(Actually, as a short fat white boi with brown hair, I bet could do a pretty easy cosplay! OMG AND MY TALL WIFE COULD BE THE CAPTAIN. OMG. DEAD MUSTACHE HUSBANDS. OMG.)
#she would think I look so sexy in the Scout leader uniform! like for real she loves me in dorky outfits#original#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts captain#bbc ghosts pat#pat butcher#the captain bbc ghosts#blorbos#pat x captain#captain x pat#captain/pat#I'm not a man but i am a guy hope this helps#lots of people seem to ship the captain with Thomas which is fine but#I really like that people recognize that the character the captain has the most on screen potential chemistry with is usually Pat!#remember the camping episode? delightful!#the fic I'm reading is called 'adored' but i am only on the first chapter.#if i like it after finishing it i will try to remember to post a link and recommendation here!#it's the one where they are both High School teachers who have to go on the school Paris trip together#I know pat isn't old he is middle aged but my point stands. i mean TECHNICALLY he is like 70. but he's been dead most of that time#this can all also be said for any character who isn't a thin white guy. I'm just so happy to see some variety!#I LOVE MY TALL WIFE#my beautiful lanky agender wife
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"On sunny days I go out walking, I end up on a tree-lined street, I look up at the gaps of sunlight; I miss you more than anything."
#bit of a vent incoming so be wary#drugs and mental health tw#I miss him. a lot.#he was a shithead who left me bruised up and with more issues than I began with but I miss him#I miss the walks we used to take and the picnics we used to have when it was sunny#when I got to lay my head down and look at the sun through the leaves and have a moment of peace with him#where it would be quiet and he wouldn't shout and wouldn't be high or drunk or hungover and it was finally nice#where it was nice and he made me stay so I did because I thought he could help me and convinced me that I needed to help him#all that 'you leave me and I'll off myself shit'#and then I left because otherwise I'd probably be dead and I hate him. I've never hated someone more in my life other than->#my old best friend but I hate him#but I can't help but go out on walks and miss him to death because he showed me love and that wasn't (still isn't) something I got often#I don't know#I just feel stupid#very very stupid#melitunes#mitski#Spotify
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I miss Loden Greatstorm I hope he's doing ok (he's definitely not)
#i really cant wait for the next book with him in it#but also i can because i cant imagine his situation could get better#im not totally certain that he does die anymore because hes presumed dead right now and isn't dead#but i might just be too hopeful#rain reads the high republic#star wars#the high republic#light of the jedi#loden greatstorm
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kin assign me a together in hell character please i am looking at you blinking rapidly please pleaase please
(elaboration in tags)
#i get embarry when talking about shit like this just out in the open so i'm hiding in tags like a COWARD#so yeah. There's this dead guy#i actually have two characters i'd like to assign to you but like. first off. dead guy#he's been dead for at least 20 years circa the start of the story; like this bitch's corpse is rotted#before he died though he was just a silly guy? like generally had some pretty bad imposter syndrome; felt like he wasn't a good person#and has like. catholic guilt#from his parents ofc#and is actually a high school dropout; got kicked out at like 16 for being gay#and was doing pretty good for himself before he got crazy axe murdered at 25 by his husbandfiance (never figured it out) for money#anyways that guy's name was charlie and he's ginger . rest in peace loser#okay . second and statistically less dead character is one of the main characters actually: anastasia hayes (doesn't like that name)#actually not sure why they remind me of you#just like the general disassociation paired with a silly disposition#<- her character actually acts as part of a greek choir to the Main Main Characters bcuz he isn't allowing himself to process his issues#just btw#she's so silly#they'll get over all their issues at some point in the story. like they let themself focus on the present instead of the future#idk. silly#SORRY IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE IT IS 3:39 A M#together in hell
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#not to be weird on main but jaysteph hallmarkesque fic where it's like. steph has been away at college#and comes back to gotham on holiday break absolutely jonesing to get back into ''the family business'' aka vigilantism#she and jason were childhood acquaintances (schoolbus theory!!!) and worked together a bit before she went to school#steph has an argument with tim about something stupid (no they're not dating at this point they're just besties and both a bit petty)#so they're at odds and the whole family is a bit tense bc there's a Big Case going on and B is away on JL business#(B has promised he'll be back in time for Christmas. he is SCRAMBLING to keep this promise.)#anyway: cue steph deciding to make things a little easier on dick by handling arrangements for The Christmas Eve Gala TM#and recruiting jason (who is honestly just along for the ride/lowkey keeps mom-friending literally everyone in the absense of bruce)#they end up doing Shenanigans while trying to pull this event off and not cause any more trouble for alfred#while also working that Big Case during the nighttime and dealing with regular Family Tensions.#steph is also conflicted about transfering back to gotham u or staying with her current program that isn't really doing it for her#(jason is also considering enrolling in college now that he's legally alive again and is struggling a little with Being Alive)#at some point they end up reminiscing about their shenanigans as kids who rode the same schoolbus#and there's this really emotional moment like ''sometimes i wonder why I'm even allowed to be alive. why did we get to come back''#and all that. steph has a mild existential crisis brought on by emotions running high and sleep deprivation#thats basically her asking how she's able to go to college. she should have brain damage after being technically dead for minutes like that#and jason is like ''i DID have brain damage'' and they just look at each other and it's like this *zing* moment#like hotel transylvania skkdfnskfnsk#anyway yeah college girl steph home for the holidays falling for the guy she used to sit with on the bus??? i am Thinking#also samsung needs to give me a starling emoji smh
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Dan Heng, Blade and Jingliu the three went to see Bailu, and it kinda makes me want to jump off a cliff
#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Even beyond fragmented memories and a state of forgetfulness they remember enough to want to see her!!!#idk I love them haha#I don't think Dan Feng was in love with Baiheng for what I've read even though it seems to be also an extended opinion at times#I think he loved of her the same thing he loved of Yingxing‚ that he was treated as a normal person by her and not as high elder#(Jingliu wonders how someone so proud and someone so arrogant could get along and beyond how hot arrogance is at times#and how invigorating to have two prides opposed and crash‚ I think that's why! Dan Feng appreciated that Yingxing just treated him#as a person with all his defiance‚ beyond roles and statuses and even being a short life species)#He also just loved her of course. And he felt indebted to her. And guilty I imagine#And honestly I think he used this as a means to create a new high elder and break free of that cycle he so resented as well as new life#Which makes his actions several layers of selfish and selfless and selfish and selfless and I love the complexity and the grey hues#But yeah in any case I love this. I love that they remember beyond memory and death enough to want to see her again#(romantic or platonic love aside‚ I don't care‚ that's one of my favourite things of Orpheus and Eurydice in Ovid's telling)#And I love that Bailu isn't scared or repulsed or prejudiced against them#Like the ghost of the past fondness still clinging to her‚ like how she tells Dan Heng that maybe they were friends once in another life#They were. There was so much love they defied the laws of humans and aeons and the rules of existence only for you#There was so much love they unmade themselves for you. There was so much love the history of the Xianzhou Luofu changed forever#There was so much love you can see stains of that love everywhere still‚ seven hundred years later#There was so much love their love still lingers‚ making them dead and immortal at once#There was so much love even a bit of her love still lingers in Bailu‚ even if she is someone else#I don't know... I just love this kind of love and grief story. This becoming monstrous for the beloved and yet not being able to regret it#Not entirely. But how to regret it?#All the pain and even the mistakes would be worth it for you‚ or would have been; I just wish you didn't have to suffer#I only regret having caused you suffering#I'd risk and curse it all again‚ given the chance‚ if I could do it right. But only if it wouldn't cause you suffering#How do you define a love like this? And how could it matter?
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