#HE DOES NOT WANT TO SCUR MOM

[gingerylangylang1979]

10 Things I’ve Learned from Interviews about The Bear

I’ve gotten caught up in the awards nomination frenzy and have been bingeing on interviews about The Bear. Much of the content is repetitive but I have come away with a few interesting insights or confirmations of what I already thought. Wanna hear it, hear it go. 

1. The cast really does seem to enjoy each other. It’s typical to hear that a cast loves each other and is easy to work with to feed the PR machine but you genuinely feel good vibes when they are together. 

2. Joanna Calo is fierce. I feel like she’s the yang to Chris Storer’s yin. 

3. Storer and JAW have the same feelings about Carmy that most of us smart ones do. Things that stand out are the emphasis on how lonely he is, how his identity is too wrapped up in being a chef, and how he is all or nothing. They both agreed that the money and Cicero thing is going to be huge. They also said there is more to the story with Mikey’s death. Hmmm. 

4. Ayo was written in more than was originally planned. Hmmm. 

5. JAW did not know the monologue was going to be a one shot. He didn’t even know while filming it. This leads me to believe...

6. Storer tells JAW a lot but doesn’t tell him everything. When he omits something it’s to get a better performance/story. Maybe this is a reach but if there is supposed to be a developing slow-burn romance with Sydney I could see him actually not telling Jeremy or Ayo that. If the characters are supposed to be oblivious, maybe he feels the actors should be, too. You can get a lot out of performers without explicitly saying what you want a relationship to be through writing, direction, and editing. Sometimes it’s better that way so they seem fresh and are making realizations along with us and the characters. Just saying. 

7. There was some mention of Calo and Storer telling Jeremy he won’t need to cook as much next season. I’m scurred. WTF does that mean?!?! Does he get hurt? Are the renovations a shit show? Does Cicero shut that shit down? All of the above? I’m scurred for plot reasons but also, he just looks beautiful cooking. He’s super graceful. It’s hot. 

8. Ebon and Ayo are great cooks. Ayo said her mom is the best cook in the world and her food is so good people have literally cried after eating it. 

9. Jeremy said Ayo’s boyfriend (who is he? are they still together? I respect her privacy but wouldn’t mind knowing) lives a few blocks from him and they met up to celebrate after learning they got renewed. This inspired me imagining double dates between Ayo and her man and Jeremy and his wife. Cute! Maybe not true, but cute to think about. 

10. Jeremy is a doll. Like for real. I lust, no joke, but also just want to pet him and squeeze him. I literally said a prayer for him and his family because protect them at all costs. He’s been silent since the awards nominations. I kind of dig it but hope he’s not like Carmy and can take a damn compliment and accolades. 

[beautouslysandy]

New To Town

Dallas Winston x Fem!Reader

By: Sandy

Warnings: None I think might have language

Word Count: 813

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-You are the new girl in town, you live with your dad and your mutt Rusty.

-Your from Austin, Texas. You moved into the house next door to the Curtis brothers, your 16.

-You we’re quite upset on the way over to Oklahoma, it wasn’t that you were living your friends and school, it was that you were living your home, your life, and memories with your family.

-Your mother left you and your dad last year and your dad wanted to give y’all a fresh start or more so run away from your home where your problems lay. -I changed the conflict with the mom cause it was dark my bad

It’s a foggy humid morning, you have made yourself some eggs and bacon for breakfast. Your dad listens to Elvis Presley every morning and this morning he had forgotten to turn it off but you didn’t mind, he was a favorite musician of yours as well. Your dad just left for work. Rusty was sitting at the edge of the table whining, clearly begging for some bacon. You chuckled and threw him a small piece of bacon. There was a knock on the door. You walked over to the door with Rusty tagging along. You opened the door to be surprised by some boys with one holding a chocolate cake.

“Hello..” You said in you light but clear southern accent.

“Hi! I am Sodapop and these are my brothers..” He said handing you the cake with a bright smile.

You just realize how handsome he was. You gulped.

“Im Darry. Welcome to the neighborhood!” He continued

“And I am Ponyboy” The other boy added. 

“Nice to meet y’all!”you said in a cheery voice.

“Are you listening to Elvis?” Ponyboy asked.

You eyes brightened, “Yes! He’s my favorite, you are familiar with him?” You gleamed, finally you said in your mind somebody with good music taste.

“Yeah! We love him!” Sodapop cheered. 

They invited you to hangout with them and their friends since you were  alone. You asked if you could bring Rusty, you didn’t go anywhere without him. They didn’t even notice the scruffy looking mutt next to you until you mentioned it. They said sure. So you were down. 

————-

You were in the Curtis’ brothers home. You sat on the couch with Rusty on the floor curled up next to your feet. 

“You have a lovely home..”You complimented as you looked around their quaint small home, it was very similar to your new unfamiliar home. 

“Thanks” Darry replied.

“The guys should be here soon” Sodapop said a lot.

You were hoping they weren’t just guys but from the sound of it there weren’t any females involved with this group. This made you a tad bit uncomfortable. But you didn’t focus on it cause you needed to make friends in your new home. You took a big breath and exhaled. You weren’t used to hanging out with sereval boys. Your friend group in Austin consisted of four females(including you)and three males. Rusty stood up very quickly and started barking as there was clattering outside the Curtis’ door. There was a knock and same faint chatter outside the door. 

“Is that a dog?” One voice said.

“No Two-Bit it’s a bird.” Another voice scoffed.

There was another knock placed on the door this time it was more louder. You didn’t move from the couch as you were taught it’s rude to open the door for others when you’re a guest in someone’s home. Soon enough Sodapop scurred to the door and opened it. Soon to reveal four males and zero females. Of course. You were soon noticed by the clobber of boys. 

“Who is this, Soda?” One said in a voice of question.

“Hey, Johnny.” Ponyboy greeted as he walked in the main room.

“Hey, Pony.” One voice replied softly

Ponyboy and so called Johnny steeped out of the clobber of boys and headed over to the couch. You gulped, you aren’t that great at social interaction. You are a person who either really clicks with someone or who absolutely does not click with someone. 

“Johnny this is Y/N, she’s our new neighbor.” He explained to the messy and greasy dark-haired boy who looked to be your age.  

“Nice to meet you Y/N” Johnny greeted in a shy tone as he had with Ponyboy. 

“Like wise” You said in your accent with a smile.

As you spoke all of the boys expect Sodapop and Darry looked at you with curiosity. One boy stood out the most and he was a brunette with captivating eyes. He looked like trouble to you but that didn’t mean he wasn’t attractive. You noticed you were staring and looked away flustered hoping he didn’t notice. You won’t want him to get the wrong idea. 

You quickly immersed yourself with Johnny and Ponyboy’s conversation to distract yourself. You soon got to know all of the boys. The brunette with the gorgeous yet intimidating eyes was named Dallas Winston but he preferred to be called Dally instead of Dallas. The one with sideburns and a Mickey Mouse shirt was called Two-Bit. You didn’t have a chance to catch his real name but form the looks of it, it seemed he preferred to be called his chosen nickname. The one who seemed very close to Sodapop was named Steve Randle. You were quick to learn that they have been friends since grade school. Close to one o’clock you headed home, you considered that you decided that maybe Tusla isn’t so bad.

-Sandy

[highfivecalum]

The Air You Breathe {CH} 2

Previous Chapters: One

♛♛♛

THE WEDDING WAS BEAUTIFUL, as to be expected. Since David had a lot of money their wedding was extravagant and huge. It was held in a barn, with fairy lights and streamers hanging from the ceiling. The actual wedding ceremony was held in a church, like Melinda wanted, and it was filled with people. Most people April knew, like her family members, family friends, and her mother’s coworkers, and some people she didn’t know like David’s family members, friends, and whoever the hell else he invited.

April was her mother’s maid of honor, which meant she was in charge of making sure everything with her mother and the bridesmaids was going smoothly. It was hectic, but making sure her mother was happy and her wedding was perfect was April’s job and even though she had had a few glasses of champagne, she was still stressed.

Calum, on the other hand, had no responsibilities as the best man of his father. And even if he did, he didn’t do them. He wasn’t thrilled at the thought of the wedding and being in it and walking down the aisle with April was the last thing he wanted to do, but he didn’t want to disappoint his father. So, as his dad got ready and dealt with everything, Calum sat on the couch in the grooms men room with his best friends and downed two glasses of whiskey. If he was going to endure this wedding, he had to be buzzed.

After the ceremony, everybody made their way to the barn and found their respective tables. Of course, the braids maid and her date- Nevada, and the best man, the bride and groom, and Mali all sat together, along with Melinda’s sister and brother and David’s brother. Mali stood up, clearing her throat and tapping a metal fork against her flute of champagne to get everybody’s attention.

She gave a short speech, one that April didn’t listen to intently, one that she didn’t care to listen to. She briefly heard the words father and brother and an ‘I love you’ thrown in there, but other than that, she tuned the speech out. Until her name was mentioned. “Now, the maid of honor and daughter of the bride, April, would you like to say a few words?”

April’s eyes widened and she shot her mother a look, receiving a look back that told her she would have to make a speech. She stood up nervously, trying not to wipe her sweaty palms on the very expensive dress she had on. April absolutely hated public speaking and everybody who knew her knew that. So a speech, in front of about a hundred people, most of which she didn’t know, had her more nervous than she had ever been.

“Uh, hi.” April cleared her throat. “I didn’t really rehearse this, so bare with me.” She got a few laughs, mostly from her family members and she bit her lip, trying to wrack her brain for something, for anything, to say. “I just wanted to start off by saying thank you to everybody for coming and celebrating with us. It means a lot. And mom,” April looked down at her mother. “I’m glad you found love after dad passed away.”

Calum’s eyes widened at the mention of April’s father. He didn’t know anything about him, never cared to listen to what his own father had to say about him, and seeing the sad smile on April’s face almost had Calum feeling bad about being so mean to her without knowing anything about her.

“David, I’m happy that you make my mom so happy and uh,” April plastered a fake smile on her face, trying to make it as believable as possible. “Welcome to the family.”

Everyone clapped and April turned the microphone off and sat back down instantly, chugging down the rest of the champagne that was in her flute. She was pissed that Mali put her on the spot like that, but she couldn’t be too angry at her since she didn’t know about her fear of public speaking, she didn’t know anything about her at all, really.

“And now!” The DJ spoke into his own microphone. “The bride and groom’s first dance!”

April let out a relieved breath now that none of the attention was on her and resumed her conversation with Nevada. She wasn’t planning on dancing, not yet, she was way too sober for that, but Calum had different plans. Clearing his throat, he caught April’s attention. “My dad told me that we have to dance to at least one song. Y’know, the whole maid of honor and best man shit.”

April rolled her eyes at Calum’s distasteful tone, but finished her newest glass of champagne before getting up. She shot Nevada a look that screamed help me, but her best friend simply shot her a thumbs up and a wink. The pair never made eye contact as April wrapped her arms around Calum’s neck and his hands rested on her hips.

Calum finally broke the silence with a smirk and a cocky tone. “Nice speech.”

April’s head snapped to Calum from where her mother and her new husband, April’s now stepfather, were dancing, and narrowed her eyes at him. “Shut up. I don’t like public speaking. I’m blaming your sister for my horribly unprepared speech.”

“Welcome to the club. I blame her for everything,” Calum snorted and April rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh. Her eyes returned to her mother, smiling at how beautiful she looked, and Calum took that as his opportunity to get a good look at April. Her makeup was light, but noticeable, and the color of lipstick she had on made her blue eyes pop. Her hair was in a half-up-half-down style, the front pinned back so her neck and chest were on display and Calum bit his lip as his eyes trailed down her face to her chest, smirking at the little bit of cleavage that was spilling out of her dress.

“Why are you staring at me?” April tilted her head to the side, this time she was the one with a cocky smirk on her face since she had just caught Calum red handed checking her out. She was glad that she was smooth enough to check him out without him noticing. 

“Just tryin’ to figure out how I’m going to survive living under the same roof as you for three months.” Calum shrugged nonchalantly and April scoffed. She couldn’t figure out why Calum acted like an asshole, why he didn’t like her. She wasn’t a huge fan of him, but only because he was a dick to her for no reason.

As the slow song ended, April dropped her arms from his shoulders and took a step back from him. Scowling, she spoke. “Good luck with that. Let me know if you end up figuring it out.” She spun around, her dress spinning along with her, and walked with a purpose to the bar. She wasn’t going to deal with his asshole behavior if she didn’t have to.

“Damn,” Luke’s voice sounded through Calum’s ears and he cocked an eyebrow at his best friend. He followed Luke’s eyes, landing on April leaning against the bar with Nevada with a drink and a shot in her hand, laughing animatedly at something the bartender was saying. “She’s hot.”

Calum agreed with Luke wholeheartedly, but he couldn’t let his best friend know that, so he masked it with hatred. “She’s a bitch.”

Luke laughed into his drink and shook his head. “You don’t even know her, Cal. You’re just pissed that there’s no chance of your mom and dad getting back together.” Luke clapped Calum’s shoulder, getting ready to walk away, but adding, “Don’t take it out on her just because you’re pissed at your dad. That’s just goin’ to make your summer miserable.”

Luke walked away, leaving Calum with his thoughts, mumbling to himself, “I already am miserable.”

♛♛♛

The hotel bar was empty, minus April and a few random men that she was drunkenly flirting with. Everybody, including Nevada, went to sleep once they got back to the hotel from the reception. It was nearing two-thirty in the morning, and April was more than drunk enough. She should have gone to bed, but she wanted to more alcohol, so she found herself at the hotel bar.

“Want to come up to my room, love?” One of the men who had been flirting with her asked. He was older, looking like he was in his forties, and had instantly taken the open seat next to April when he walked in the hotel. He rested his hand on her thigh and let it trail up higher, but April pushed it away before it reached the place he wanted it to.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m good.”

��Oh, come on.” His hand returned to her thigh, higher up this time, and April looked at him expectantly. Was he seriously still trying to hit on her after she said no? She took that as her cue to leave.

“Yeah, no.” April pushed his hand off again and stood up to leave the bar, knowing she should have left hours ago. She didn’t have to worry about closing her tab out since said guy had been offering to pay for her drinks and paid her tab that only consisted of two drinks.

As April tried to walk away, the guy gripped her upper arm and pulled her into him. “You’re really going to leave me hanging after I bought you all those drinks?”

“Um, you buying me drinks does not equal you getting into my pants. So, yeah, I am going to leave you hangin’.” She tried to pry her arm out of his grip, but the angrier he got the harder it tightened. There would most definitely be a bruise.

“Then what does it mean? Huh?”

April looked around for any sign of help, but realized that they were now the only two in the bar, even the bartender was nowhere to be found to save her. “Get off of me.”

“Not happening.” The grip tightened and April visibly winced in pain. Was this seriously happening? “I bought you drinks so you give me something in return. That’s how this works.”

Suddenly, he was being pulled off of her and shoved to the other end of the bar. April stumbled backwards, nearly falling since she was intoxicated and the heels on her feet did nothing to help with that, but a grip on her, lighter this time, steadied her from falling and she looked up to see Calum standing there. Once Calum made sure April was steady and far away, he approached the man.

“When a lady says get off of her, you get the fuck off of her.” Calum looked down at him, since he was much shorter than Calum was, and titled his head to the side. Cocking an eyebrow, he taunted the man. “Are you deaf or just stupid?”

Without a word, the guy scurried off, leaving Calum and April. Calum was pissed, as to be expected. Sure, he wasn’t a huge fan of April, but he wasn’t going to stand by and let some random guy manhandle her and try to force her up to his room. No way in hell was he ever going to let that happen to any girl.

“You okay?” He finally asked her. He could see the fear on her face and in her eyes and he knew now wasn’t the time to be an asshole and scold her for drinking so much alone, so he let it go. For now.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” April nodded her head, trying not to let it show how much it affected her, but Calum could tell. He watched as she grabbed her clutch with shaky hands and run her fingers through her hair that she had unclipped earlier in the night. “Thank you for that.”

“No problem. Let’s go, you should probably sleep off the alcohol.”

The two made their way to the elevator, riding it up in silence, and Calum walked April to her room, making sure she got in safe. They said their good-nights and Calum walked to his own room, thinking about how hard it was going to be to keep his composure around her for three months.

♛♛♛

Taglist: @itjustkindahappenedreally @you-of-ghost @dukesnumber1 @gosh-im-short @alotof1dlove @sarendankondiznilend @inlovehoodx @protectingcalum @burningwobblerghoststudent @harrysgucciclothes @conquerwhatliesahead92 @misspinkpigg @wrappedaroundcal @cosmocalum @kinglyhood @roselukes @hereforlukescruff @imadontstopacoustic @dionnealberts

[eakfestforever]

Pilot

Waking up from nappy #1 of the day sky and zeus are each laying on their own couch. Sky moves over to lay right on top of zeus. Zeus looks up for a second, goes right back to sleep.

Waking up from nappy #2 of the day Sky and Zeus are laying on the couch. Stella is on the coffee table. A car goes by and Sky and Zeus jump up to the windows barking 

Sky: Oh hell no, what are you doing on our street...by our house? I know you ain’t comin here! You just keep on keepin on motha fucka. That’s what I thought. Keep on keepin on...

Zeus: I can protect us all! I am Zeus! Protector of… Oh hello friend! Sky, that was the nice man with that nice car that drives by just to say hello all the time. He is so nice.

Sky: You ain’t never even met that man Zeus! He could be a serial killer! A Rapist! Coming here to do terrible things to me and my body! Daddy Almighty expects us to protect this house so stop being such a pussy ass little bitch. Jeez do I have to do everything around here?

Stella: So, ummm, can we all just like, shut up now? The car is so gone now and like, you can’t even see it any more? OMG I can’t even…

Zeus: Stella, how come you do not care about these cars and these humans that go by? Don’t you want new friends? 

Sky: New friends? Hmf… new friends my ass,  more like new crazy ass white people thinking they all that tryina take our shit.

Stella: I don’t know… it’s all Gucci in my world… I just like birds and bugs… and Grandpa. I like Grandpa. Will he be home soon? And also… Sky you are so incredibly racist.

Sky: Your Grandpa, aka Daddy Almighty, is a very busy man. He is out there hunting monies. Lots of monies so that I can has the health care and delicious food and bones and things. And also… I am NOT racist. Whatchu know about someone being racist? Nuttin!

Zeus: But isn’t the monies for all of us? Me, you, Stella, Mummy and Daddy. Don’t we all get those things? 

Sky: Nigga please! If there was to be some extra, which I doubt there will be, I suppose you can get some of those things. But not the health care… definitely not the health care. Ain’t never enough monies for you to has that. Hmf.

Stella: Well I am pretty sure that grandpa would let me have the health care. He likes me best. I mean, he calls me Stella Bo Bella! Hello! Bella! And he plays mouse with me and like shares some sick tea with me when we get turnt on Saturday nights. 

Sky: Girl, he may get turnt with you one night a week but it is obvious that I am his favorite… I mean, look at this (smacks her ass) who could say no to this sweet ass.

Zeus: But doesn’t he like Mommy best? She is the greatest mommy in the whole wide world and he gives her lots and lots of kisses and hugs and 

Sky: and that big ol dick.. That’s right zeus, he gives that whore his big ol godly dick and she is thankful for it, too. Why wouldn’t she be? She is so lucky that he chose her to take his almighty sword. He is so gracious...

Stella: Eeeewww gross…. Stop talking about that stick. Blecht… ewwww…(gags a little) he has much more fun playing video games with me anyway. It’s dope. We get high and drink coffee and hang all night taking names and kick ASS! Woop woop!

Zeus: mummy does not like that gross stuff. Sky. Daddy makes her do those awful things. She would much rather cuddle with zeusy and make him sammiches.

Sky: Y’all are cra cra. She is a h-o-r-e. That spells whore zeus and She Loves doing those nasty ass things and she knows it is her place to love them. God. Y’all just don’t get it at all.

Mailman comes up the road, Zeus and Sky run to the windows again waking up from nappy #3

Stella rolls her eyes and says OMG

Zeus: Sky, it is that really slow man that tries every day to put things in that box in front of our house. He tries to sneak up but I hear him when he turns that corner. I will not let him step foot on...

Sky: You just sit back and let mama handle this situation. He is a t-h-r-e-t ,that spells threat by the way zeus and I am the only one responsible for keeping his ugly ass away from this house every day! See… he is already driving away. 

Zeus: (in an attempt to sound tough, flexing a muscle) What? I ain’t neva scurred. I got this ALL DAY! ALL DAY biotch! 

Sky and Stella look at each other and suddenly burst out laughing and rolling around

Another car pulls up and parks in front of the house and once again zeus and sky run to the windows barking feverishly (tearing up the couch covers and pushing cushions out more and more each time)

Zeus: That car stopped sky… is this serious?

Sky: Alert, alert, this is a code red. I repeat, code red. Yall need to be ready for anything. Stella, are you ready? Stella!

Stella: OMG… what? I just found the perfect sun spot on the floor. What? 

Sky: we are under a high alert Stella… that is what? Do I have to remind you that we are under strict orders from

Stella: I know, i know, from “Daddy Almighty” to like protect the house or something… ugh. 

Zeus: You go away stranger, do you hear me, you go away because this is our house and.. IT’S... GRAMPA! OMG OMG OMG! YAY! I’M SO EXCITED, I’M SO EXCITED. GRAMPAS HERE! SKY! GRAMPA’S HERE! We haven’t seen him in so many years!

Sky: I can see that Zeus, I do have eyes you know. He is here to see me. He always comes to see me. You must just be asleep when he usually comes. I can’t wait until he sees me, he will be so excited. He must have missed me so much. How do I look? Oh Jesus, what am I thinking asking you how I look. I look amazing as always. 

Stella: K well you idiots go on outside with great grandpa, i’ll enjoy some time to myself finally. 

Zeus and sky run to the back door and meet grandpa at the door jumping all over him. Stella jumps up on the shoe rack by the back window of the sun porch.

Grampa: Hey guys how are you today? Ugh, ok, down… down… no jumping. Down. Sit. Goodness, I was just here yesterday, you act like you haven’t seen me in years! Ok, who wants to go outside?

Zeus and sky simultaneously: Me me me me I do I do

Zeus and sky run out the door followed by grandpa. Sky runs right to the bowl of water in the backyard and drinks ferociously. 

Grandpa: geez, sky. Don’t mommy and daddy leave you water? 

Sky: well of course they do but this is the water of the gods. It is left here for me, sky, to replenish any of the awesomeness that is sometimes lost when I am forced to spend too much time with mere mortals (looks accusingly at zeus)

Zeus: well I would like to drink the god water, too sky. Can I drink the god water? I didn’t know it was god water. I just thought mommy put it there.

Sky: Oh you silly ass dog. Mommy put it there. How naive you are. Anyway, yeah, you can drink some but it only gives powers to me so…

Zeus: that’s ok… I don’t need powers. I just need friends and mummy. 

Grandpa: Ok guys….who wants the ball? 

Sky: I do I do. Throw it grandpa. I will get it for you! I am the best ball catcher… well, except for mom pwahahahahaha see what I did there? See what I did? Mom, BALL CATCHER… AS IN DADDYS BALLS....OH I CRACK MYSELF UP! Zeus, don’t even THINK about saying you want that ball. 

Zeus: I would like the ball grandpa but I believe it is only for sky. I am sorry you can’t throw it for me. 

Sky: damn right it is bitch. Don’t even think about trying to get that ball. Get over here dirty whore (sky proceeds to hump zeus angrily while biting the back of his neck) you’re like my ball,.. Got it. I take what I want… just like this…. Take it bitch…uh uh uh 

Grandpa: sky…. Would you get off of zeus

Zeus: it’s ok, grandpa, zeusy doesn’t mind.

(Sky gets down)

Yea well, this is my ball and I am in charge here so you just sit back and watch me get it ya little pussy

Grandpa throws the ball, Sky gets it and lays down with it.

Grandpa: sky, bring it back so i can throw it again. Come on, bring it back.

Sky: well that’s just crazy grandpa, I already have it. Why would I want to give it back to you

Zeus’: because he likes to throw it sky, why don’t you let me bring it back to grandpa, it makes him so happy (attempts to take the ball)

Sky: Oh no you didn’t. You did NOT just try to take this ball away from ME! What makes YOU think that it would be ok to just walk right up to ME and take THIS ball away (sky is so busy bitching with her eyes closed that she drops the ball and zeus picks it up and takes it to grandpa)

Grandpa: good boy zeus… such a good boy. Do you want me to throw it? Are you gonna get it this time?

Zeus: you can throw it grandpa but sky will get it, it is her ball. It’s ok. 

Sky: damn right it is bitch. I cannot even believe you took it like you think who the fuck you are right now

Zeus: ok...zeusy will go and poop now. 

Zoom in on zeus’s butthole and see the “asslings” white hairs that grow out of his butthole and just say mean things when they are “activated”

Asslings: hey shit for brains, think you can make a descent dump this time? Don’t waste my time with one of those useless pathetic pencil turds you lazy son of a bitch. Eat some god damn fiber for christ’s sake. Geez, this aint rocket science, my friend. Ya eat and ya shit it out. 

Meanwhile sky comes over and hears his asslings. 

Sky: what in the? Zeus, are you waking up those nasty ass asslings again? What in the holy hell is wrong with you? Now you listen to me mother fucking asslings… y'all just need to shut the fuck up and 

Asslings: shut your slutty trap you stupid whore. You don’t know nothin bout nothin so mind your own god damn business, capiche? 

Sky: Hmf… stupid ass dirty cock suckers. Trying to tell ME what to do. I will have you know that Daddy Almighty will smite you right off of that asshole if I so much as say the word so you just watch your mother fuckin ps and qs. God damn asslings… 

Asslings: ooooh, we’re shaking in our shit shoes slut. OOOh daddy almighty… we’re so scared

Zeus: it’s ok everybody, can’t we all just be friends? 

Sky: somethin wrong with you 

Grandpa: well guys… if everyone has pooped and peed and is done playin catch, think I’ll head home. 

Sky: Of course, grampa. You are old and tired. I completely understand. I am always more than happy to allow you to spend time in my presence but go and rest now.

Zeus: ok grandpa, we will go back to protecting the house as we do when there are no other humans around. We are brave and will not let anyone do anything to this house. We are on high alert at all times.

2 seconds later both dogs are down for nappy #4

Stella: omg how can they possibly sleep so much?? Oh well, better for me. I can finally look out the window by myself. TBH… I love their nap times. They’re so basic. I’m just like hey let’s just hang and LALL, that’s for live and live let. But you know, enjoy life, have fun, laugh, dance (sees a bird outside and stares intently at it for a moment) Hey bitch, whatchu tryin? I could eat you ya know. You’d be a snack in a (bird flies away)... anyways… they need to chill and spread love, not hate. I just love, love, love, life ya know?

(Stella stares at the dogs)

(Sky opens one eye a little bit)

Sky: Ummmm… can I help you? What are you staring at?

Stella: Nothing… I just don’t know why you sleep so much. This is like nap #4 or something isn’t it? And it’s only like 1:30 in the afternoon!

Sky: I will have you know… guarding this house takes a lot of energy and multiple nappies are IMPERATIVE to keep this highly efficient, well oiled… beautiful…. security machine in tip top condition. (zeus is sitting up looking proud and strong) Do you think this just happens? NO! AND even when it LOOKS like I am asleep, I am still on high alert. As for Zeus well he’s just lazy. (zeus drops his head looking sad)

Zeus: But if zeusy naps just like Sky, why isn’t he a highly efficient something something? 

Sky: Because I know the correct way to nap and you do not… that is why.

ZEus: OOOOOOOH

Stella: But like, I’m a cat and I mean, naps have been called “cat naps” because they nap so much but like, you nap waaaaay more than I do. 

Sky: Exactly.. You are a CAT and you have no real purpose here so you do not have the same sleep requirements. Here… let me try and explain the science behind this. I know you most likely will not be able to follow along very well but I will try to explain it as well as I can so that a simple minded person like yourself can get a basic understanding.

Stella just rolls her eyes… zeus looks on excitedly. Sky whips out a dry erase board and marker, puts on glasses and proceeds to draw a bunch of squiggly lines and nonsense

Sky: You see it is like this… my body has to expel a specific amount of what is called en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) in order to perform the very important duties that have been placed upon me. That en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) needs to be replaced at certain intervals throughout the day or this here machine (runs hands down her body) will fail and THAT is simply not an option. 

(excitedly draws dots and slashes on dry erase board )

Zeus: OOOOH! And is that also why you need to eat most of the food that mummy puts out for both of us?

Sky looks at zeus like he is stupid 

Sky: No dummy… I have told you. I NEED that extra food because I am carrying your babies!

Stella: Ummm haven’t you been saying that for like ever?

Zeus: Stella, these are special babies and they need extra time to be ready for the world. Sky told me so. See… I remembered Sky!

Sky: HMF bout damn time. With that being said, I must get on with nappy #5 now because I 

Motorcycle comes up the road; zeus and sky run to the window barking…. Stella runs away, startled by their sudden movement

Sky: Oh I know that sound! You think you are something else, don’t you speedy gonzalez. That’s right you just keep on going right on by. You know what’s best for you, don’t you. That's what I THOUGHT!

Zeus: We did it again, Sky. We showed him! He won’t be coming round here again, will he sky?

Sky: Well I should hope not! Just the sound of my voice told that stupid ass mother fucker that he needs to just be OUT.

Zeus: Mummy and Daddy will be so proud of us! We didn’t let any bad guys come into this house! I can’t wait until they come home and see what an amazing job we did! WHen will they be home sky? It has been soooooo long since they left to go hunting!

Sky: Well, I don’t know about Mommy… it ain’t like she is hunting monies like Daddy Almighty. Women just don’t have the brains for that. I can’t believe she is even allowed to DRIVE! But I have to trust in Daddy almighty’s decision to let her… as difficult as that may be. Need to just have faith! Anyways… Daddy will be home when he feels he has collected sufficient monies and we just have to be patient. Could be days, could be months, could be years! No one can say!

Stella: Ummmm, pretty sure they leave every morning and come home every evening. It’s like… a few hours. But like there are some days that they stay home and like…

Sky: stay home??? That was WEEKS ago. there’s no telling when or if that will happen again. There is a lot of pressure on Daddy to hunt our monies. We just have to trust in the lord and his decisions. Now everybody just shut up and let me get on with nappy #5 I am already way behind schedule thanks to Mr. speedy gonzalez. HMF

Sky and zeus curl up on a now cushionless, coverless couch. Stella sits on the back of the couch looking out the window and talking to the animals outside

Stella: oh hello mr squirrel… looking mighty brave today, aren’t we? If only gramma and grandpa would forget to close the window one day… you wouldnt be so brave then, would you? I’d slash you taint to tip and dance in your blood while I …. Oh look! Gramas home! Yay! 

Sound of a chainlink gate opening. Zeus and sky jump up and look out the window, tails wagging, wining with excitement.

Zeus: omg omg omg mummy is home I love her so so so so much! She will be so happy to see how we protected the house and she will take us outside right away and walk around with us because she is so proud of us!

Sky: You best believe I will explain to her right away that it was ME who kept us all safe from the evil doers of this god forsaken earth and she will be so happy and give me the most pets.

Stella: (mumbling quietly to herself) at least I didn’t fuck up the couches like these asshats. Pretty sure Grammas gonna like lose her shit when she sees this disaster.

Alicia walks in the back door, zeus and sky and jumping up and down wining excitedly. Stella saunters in,

Zeus: OMG mummy you wouldn’t believe what happened today. You have been gone so long! We thought we would never see you again. Grandpa came over and we scared away so many strangers and…

Sky: ahem… look at me, just me. Zeus has no idea what he is talking about. I knew you would come home and I TRIED to explain it to him but he is just so stupid and yes Grampa came to see ME and I chased away many strangers as I do everyday. 

Stella: Hey Gramma… what up? Wait til you see what these morons did to the couches… it is legit fucked up. 

Alicia: hello hello everybody… down… come on, let’s go outside...how was your day? Were you a good boy? Were you a good girl? 

They all go outside, stella gets up on the shoe rack by the back window. Alicia walks to the mailbox, sky jumping next to her the whole time

Sky: did you hear me bitch? I chased away the bad guys… A-Gain! You should be praising me! Praise me god dammit. 

Zeus just goes off to lift his leg and pee on a plant

Zeus: here ya go little flower… i know how much you like this. It will make you grow big and strong.

Sky: zeus you idiot… you are doing that wrong. Look, you need to do it like this…

Sky squats on the same plant and pees.

Sky: it is MY water that this flower wants and quite frankly NEEDS. You don’t know nothin bout nothin

Alicia: alright guys back inside. Gotta start dinner.

Once inside alicia sees couch cushions on the floor, stuffing from the already ripped cushions strewn all over. Stella sitting on the coffee table waiting for the shit to hit the fan with a big smile

Alicia: what the fuck guys? 

Zeus and sky shrink down and slink off, attempting to go into the bedroom but the door is still closed. Sky proceeds to pee a little on the floor

Sky: OMG this bitch is NEVER satisfied! GOd damn. Goin and scarin me like that, making me piddle a little. And for what? Nothin. That’s what. 

zeus : i’m so so so so sorry mummy… we didn’t realize we messed up the couches. IT will never ever happen again mummy… i promise.

Alicia: I am so sick and tired of piecing these couches back together again! It would just be nice to have a normal looking living room! Sky did you just pee on the floor? Wtf? YOu were just outside! 

Alicia wipes up the pee as she rambles about what a pain in the ass they are

Stella just sits on the coffee table giggling and smirking

Sky: oh no you didnt bitch you did NOT just ask me if I peed on the floor. I mean, I did but who do you think you are asking me that. You would never ask me that if daddy almighty were here. HMF. that’s right, clean that up… clean up my pee. 

Alicias phone chimes, receiving a text

Alicia: well guys, daddy has to work late so no point in starting dinner. 

(walks to coffee table, pets stella for a bit, hair flying all over and then sits on the couch as both dogs proceed to jump all over her in excitement)

Zeus: yay… mummy is ready to snuggle! This is what zeusy lives for! Mummy’s kisses and hugs and belly rubs

Sky: Move over zeus, she wants to pet me really. (one dog on each side of alicia) I will allow her to at least until daddy almighty returns from his hunt. Here ya go bitch, take it all in.

Alicia: guess what guys… it is thursday. You know what that means!

All say simultaneously

Alicia: tomorrow is the start of the weekend!

Zeus: it is almost mummy and daddy all day time!

Sky: father daddy is gonna take what is his tomorrow night from his whore!

STella: grandpa and me gonna get turnt tomorrow night woop woop!

Alicia: just one more day, guys… one more day

Everyones smiling 

[theofficialcunt]

Adore & Bianca spend their first Christmas together at Bianca's house (with Sammy and Dede of course) [ idc if it's nowhere near December, I love Christmas lol so pleeeease do this Prompt 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻]

It’s fucking August but if y’all want a christmas fic, I’m gonna give you one! ❄️☃️🎄🎅🏼 (I may or may not already be planning a christmas playlist for christmas morning 😂) Just a shit ton of fluff. I mention a fur coat in here, I don’t personally wear fur (and I don’t believe BDR does either, but the plot called for it as a certain celebrity used to wear it) so I just want to clear that up before we go on. Merry Christmas! 🤣 Enjoy! 

“Ugh, do we HAVE to spend Christmas in New York, B?” Danny groaned as he drug him through LAX.

Contrary to popular belief, Danny absolutely dreaded christmas. Every year as a child, his dad would refuse to get him what he wanted - a doll or makeup usually - which would eventually end up in him and Bonnie getting into a fight. Boys can’t wear makeup, he would say. Boy if he saw him now, he would be shocked - his son an androgynous vision in flannel.

Every year since he had passed, his mom would try her best to make it up to him. But it never worked. She would get so stressed out that she would project her frustrations onto Danny, and when Danny turned 16 - they stopped celebrating it all together. Sure, they would exchange the obligatory merry christmas text message but they never pressured themselves to do anything more.

Roy however, was hell bent on celebrating christmas.

“You haven’t experienced Christmas until you’ve experienced it in New York.” Roy chimed happily.

Roy loved Christmas. He loved giving his family gifts and watching their eyes light up. He spoiled his mom every year by sending her 100 red roses, a maid to clean her house for a week, and a diamond necklace. He gave Lola an American Girl doll with custom made doll clothes, as well as all of the clothes you could possibly buy for it. She had screamed when she opened up her gift, and never forgot the sweet gesture since.

But this year was different. It was even better because this year, he gets to spoil Danny and for once they aren’t on tour - or on opposite sides of the country.

“I’ve spent christmas in many places around the world at this point Roy, I don’t think it’ll be that much different.” Danny scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Leave the scrooging to the professional. Negative Nancy.” Roy teased.

“Maybe I’m a pessimist.” Danny said, the corners of his lips curling up.

Roy smiled at the subtle reference.

“Danny, I promise this year Christmas will be good. Just give me a chance.” Roy pleaded.

It was really important to him, Danny thought. It obviously meant a lot to him, so for his benefit he decided he’d do his best to go into tomorrow’s small celebration with an open mind.

“Okay.” Danny finally agreed.

————————

“We’re going to make a stop before we go to the apartment. Is that okay?” Roy asked as they sat in the back of the Lyft.

They had arrived to New York very late, it was 11:30 at night and Danny was exhausted from the day of traveling. He nodded his head sleepily as he rested it against the car window.

He must have dozed off for a little bit, because soon he heard the car door shut softly and then heard Roy unloading the trunk of the car. He then opened the door for him, feeling the biting cold of New York for the first time.

“Ah, it’s cold,” Danny whined, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he stepped out of the car. “Why did we stop?”

“Look.” Roy smiled excitedly, his eyes bright. He was like a little kid in the candy store, pacing impatiently for Danny to see what he was gesturing to.

“Wha- Oh.” Danny stopped breathless, staring in awe.

Out of all of the times he had been in New York City, not one time had Danny actually stopped to look at the Rockefeller Christmas Tree. Of course he had seen it in all of the iconic christmas movies over the years, but never once in person. He was speechless.

It was so much bigger in person, and it emitted a heavenly ivory glow from all of the lights. The star at the top was brighter than he imagined it as well.

It was truly magical.

“Do you like it?” Roy murmured, holding his hand in one hand and their suitcases in the other.

“I- I love it.” Danny stammered, huddling closer to him. He felt like he was in one of those cheesy hallmark christmas movies, it was just too perfect.

And then the snow began to fall.

And it would’ve been perfect, just like the movies in fact- if Danny wasn’t dressed in ripped jeans and a black tank top.

“You’re going to turn into an icicle out here.” Roy said concerned. “Come on, let’s go home.”

Danny smiled and let Roy hold him as he ordered another Lyft for them. As they waited, Danny couldn’t help but worry that maybe today was too perfect. There had to be a point where Roy fucked up Christmas somehow.

And he had to be prepared so that he wasn’t let down, yet again.

——

“Close your eyes.” Roy ordered, as they arrived at his New York apartment.

“Wow, you’re really getting into this christmasfantasy aren’t you?” Danny snorted. He obliged to his rules, trying not to let himself get too excited.

“No peeking! Or I’ll take away your present.” Roy warned.

“I thought we agreed on no presents!” Danny exclaimed frustrated. He wanted to be the one to get Roy an over exuberant gift this year. He had purchased a black fur jacket at an auction in LA that had been worn by the late Joan Rivers. Danny knew it would fit Bianca because shit, B was tiny.

It was the most expensive gift Danny had ever gotten anyone, including his mom. But he had wanted to show Roy how much he cared about him. What better way to do that then get him something worn by his idol?

“You know that we’re never gonna follow that rule.” Roy grumbled. He set the bags down in the entry way, before taking Danny by the hand and leading him into the apartment.

“Okay, open.” Roy said, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.

Danny opened his eyes to glamorous winter wonderland. The apartment was decked out in all gold, black, and silver christmas decor. The tree was huge, reaching all the way to the ceiling and adding a nice focal point against the wide windows on the wall. Sammy and Dede barked loudly, scurring across the marble tile towards him, eager to see their second favorite owner.

“Oh hi babies!” Danny exclaimed excitedly, jumping about and exciting them more as they howled. They ran a couple of laps around him before they settled on the stark white couch by the fireplace.

The curtains were sheer, and partially open so you could see the lights New York City below. There was one single present under the tree, wrapped in matte black wrapping paper and-

“Did you fucking have your assistant make hot chocolate in the crockpot for me?” Danny exclaimed, smelling the rich smell of dark chocolate.

“You got it bitch.” Roy smirked, with a satisfied gleam in his eye. “Would you like some?”

“Please.” Danny asked, suddenly feeling very parched.

Once Roy poured them both a glass of the homemade hot cocoa, they sat down next to Sammy and Dede both sitting in silence lost in their thoughts.

“You know, it’s technically Christmas.” Roy hinted, wiggling his eyebrows.

“What are you getting at?” Danny asked, already knowing the answer.

Roy stood up, walked a few paces to grab his present from under the tree. He set it on his lap gently, and Danny grabbed it and shook it. It was light, only a small rattling on the inside. He looked at it perplexed, incredibly confused.

“Oh my god you are such a kid.” Roy facepalmed.“Just open it.”

Danny tore away the luxurious paper, sipping on his hot cocoa slowly as he uncovered a small black box. Lifting the lid slowly, a cd laid inside of it face down. But he instantly recognized it by the tracklisting on the back.

“Bleach by Nirvana, thank you.” Danny said, pecking him softly - slightly confused. Was he losing it? Roy knew that Danny had the vinyl edition mounted on his wall back in Seattle.

“Flip it over.” Roy deadpanned.

Danny did what he was told and stared at the cover in disbelief.

“Is this real?” Danny asked, voice getting higher as he examined the cd.

Scrawled on the bottom, was none other than Kurt Cobain’s signature. This had to have cost Roy a fortune.

“I can’t accept this.” Danny said tearfully. Nirvana was his favorite band ever, and no one had ever given him such a thoughtful gift.

“You’re keeping it.” Roy asserted sternly.

“Thank you baby.” Danny said, pulling Roy in for a kiss. Roy moaned in delight, and pulled Danny into him as he deepened it. They spent the next few minutes making out, enjoying each others company.

Sammy eventually barked, breaking the two of them up.

“I think Sammy is reminding me that I have a gift for you too.”  Danny smiled coyly.

“You shady bitch.” Roy chuckled, shaking his head.

Danny ran to his suitcase and grabbed the neatly folded garment bag out of it. He unzipped it, making sure the coat was folded neatly, and had no gunk stuck to it from traveling before he brought it back out to the living room.

Roy raised an eyebrow at the garment bag, crossing his arms annoyed.

“Oh, is my drag just not cutting it for you? I can buy my own drag Danny.” Roy snapped.

Danny rolled his eyes. “Will you just shut up snd open it?”

Roy stuck his tongue out at Danny before unzipping the bag, revealing the long fur coat.

“Oh wow, this is beautiful Danny thank you. And.” Roy sniffed, examining the coat closer. “Huh. Weird. This smells like the perfume Joan Rivers used to wear.”

“Because it was hers. Look at the tag.” Danny said gently.

Roy’s face went from irritated to shock within 2 seconds. It was priceless. His eyes grew wide as he looked inside the coat at the tag. Attached to it was a certificate of authenticity, and all of the times Joan had wore the coat.

“How-”

“Don’t worry about it. Merry Christmas baby.” Danny soothed, hugging Roy close to him.

Roy pulled him into his chest, kissing his chin softly.

“Merry Christmas, Danny.”

[starlightafterastorm]

LIVEBLOG FLAILING FROM LAST NIGHT

Me and @somebooksmakeusfree liveblogged last night’s episode

Riverdale Episode 1x13 Season Finale 

WE HAD A LOT OF FEELS

KIKI

Pre Show: Technical difficulties already. Ok.

I am nervous. BUT I BELIEVE IN OUR ANCHOR COUPLE.

LIVEBLOG FLAIL

I’m really enjoying this Alice/Jughead parallel

SCOOBY GANG

So… do the Coopers inherit everything if the Blossoms get ousted?

I don’t think the sheriff should be talking shit about anybody since a bunch of teenagers solved the murder before he did.

BETTY. BETTY BABY. YOUR HANDS. JUGGIE. PUT SOME BANDAIDS ON HER BOO BOOS.

I DON’T THINK BETTY CARES ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ANYMORE ARCHIE. I THINK SHE’S VERY MUCH HAPPY WITH HER BEANIE BABY BOYFRIEND

Why is every authority figure the absolute worst?

THEY’RE JUST NOT GONNA LET JUGHEAD COME TO THE JUBILEE??? WTF. IT’S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING JUG.

Why do i feel like Jughead’s gonna become a Serpent in retaliation to the authority in town? And Betty will be TOTALLY OK WITH THE REBELLION.

OMG that reveal. Was so anticlimactic. Look at JUGHEAD’S CUTE LITTLE SMILE. Betty is so nonplussed. THEY WORRIED FOR NOTHING.

WTF. ARCHIE. YOU CANNOT DO THIS NOW. YOU CANNOT BRING UP YOUR LATENT FEELINGS FOR BETTY NOW. OMG HIS FACE. NOOOO……

I love Josie’s hair. But i kinda miss her short hair. She looks great either way.

CHERYL… I have a bad feeling about this…

SOCIAL SERVICES? DA FUCK? BOY WAS HOMELESS FOR HOW LONG? AND NOW THEY CARE? NOOOO HE CAN’T TRANSFER SCHOOLS.

Getting a bigger feeling that Jughead’s gonna take his dad’s place in the Serpents.

OH LOOK HE’S EATIN A BURGER.

CHERYL. YOU’RE GIVING HIM YOUR BROOCH? MORE BAD FEELINGS

OMG BETTY’S LOCKER. HER LOCKER. 

FRED. SHOW SOME MORE CONCERN DAMN YOU.

Betty. I love your belief in Jughead. You believe in him when NO ONE ELSE DOES.

OMG HERMIONE. Are you seriously going to use your daughter’s relationship as a bargaining chip?

BETTY. MY LOVE FOR YOU KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

THAT WAS A BEAUTIFULLY SHOT SCENE WITH ALICE AND BETTY. LOOK AT ALICE’S DUAL REFLECTION. And then to contrast alice and betty’s scenes as mother and daughter with Cheryl and Penelope. Oh Alice. I really do like you. OH WE FOUND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO CHIC. Aw Alice.

JUGHEAD. JUGHEAD. JUGHEAD.

Omg that was a great running slide KJ dd.

Oh god. Cheryl. She’s gonna commit suicide isn’t she?

Lol. they just KNOW he’ll be in the cafeteria.

OH THAT HUG. BACK OFF ARCHIE. BACK OFF.

OH CHERYL.

I hope that’s not ALL KJ’s real blood

Sidenote: I’m in love with veronica’s wardrobe. That dress is really pretty.

HERMIONE. Why do i like you less and less? I feel like you and Alice have switched places in my opinion of you. 

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Aw Betty. When you cry, I cry.

Are you sure Archie? Are you sure about your feelings for Veronica? Because it sounds like a river in egypt to me.

I love Betty so much. AND JUGHEAD. I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH. THEY’RE SO CUTE

Omg cheryl. She’s gonna burn down thornhill isn’t she? YUP. OH GOD DID SHE JUST KILL THE BOTH OF THEM?

HE TOOK OFF THE HAT. HE SAID I LOVE YOU. OH. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

OH. WHAT? So… Varchie’s gonna sleep together.

Can we go back to bughead? OH. I was NOT expecting this. OMG. CAN THEY NOT CATCH A FUCKING BREAK?

PUPPY. HOT DOG.

I FUCKING CALLED IT. 

OMG. DID HIRAM HIRE A HIT MAN TO KILL FRED?

Post show Thoughts:

I’M GONNA WATCH THAT I LOVE YOU SCENE OVER AND OVER AND OVER

I bet Hiram hired a hitman to kill Fred

Veronica and Archie are SO NOT GONNA LAST FOR ALL OF SEASON 2

If ANYONE is going to understand why Jughead takes to the Serpents and the Southside so quickly and easily IT’S GONNA BE BETTY.

I am CACKLING that Jughead’s first reaction to being interrupted is “Is that your mom?” and Betty’s response is “Who else could it be?” They BOTH expect Alice to have just TRACKED THEM DOWN TO THE TRAILER PARK.

ALISSA

Pre Show:

Halp. I am scurred.

LIVEBLOG FLAIL

Petition or “maple syrup” to be a nickname for drug deals.

Archie is Scooby...no one can tell me otherwise.

Oh, geeee, who could be selling those drugs???

Listen, you are the second worst fictional sheriff I have ever encountered. Leave FP alone!

Why do I have a bad feeling about this…………

Veronica, stop. Stop. Are you “semi-dating?” Is that really a thing?

ARCHIE DIDN’T DO SHIT IN THIS INVESTIGATION. MY ASS.

Betty does not care about your romances, Archie. You’ve kissed everyone a few times at this point.

Maybe the grim reaper will take you, creepy horrible Mrs. Blossom.

ARCHIE SHUT THE HELL UP RIGHT NOW. SIT DOWN. YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO WANT BETTY NOW YOUUUUUUUUUUU

MY SONG IS SO GOOD. I’M THE NEXT JASON MRAZ WOMP WOMP LOOK HOW COOL I AM. MY NAME’S ARCHIE.

No, Cheryl is not okay. Bby. She’s going to hurt herself. Someone help her.

THIS IS NOT HOW THE SYSTEM WORKS. I FEEL LIKE FRED DID THIS ON PURPOSE. JUGGIE HAS A MOM. JUGGIE LIVED IN A SCHOOL. JUGGIE LIVED IN A THEATRE. WHY WOULD THEY PUT ANYONE IN A FOSTER HOME ON THAT SIDE OF TOWN??????

NO BETTY. BBY. JUGHEAD’S FACE. HER LOCKER.

Hermione gets more and more sketchy every day.

Knew it! I knew the fight was about her being pregnant. Oh, shoooooooot Betty has a brother! Betty has a brother!

NO CHERYL

DAT COVERGIRL PRODUCT PLACEMENT

ARCHIE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING

That speech and Jughead and it’s so nice. It’s so nice.

HOTDOG

FRED. FRED. FRED. NO. HE WAS THE BEST (YET STILL TERRIBLE) PARENT.