#HAVE U SEEN GOOSE T E E T H

[golswia]

My “Aziraphale is a goose, period” era

[babybluebex]

laszlo kreizler nsfw alphabet

so yeah this... Happened. the zemo version is coming soon, stay tuned! (probably tomorrow morning bc a bitch is tired lmao)

(gif credit to @lindir)

A = Aftercare.

Laszlo is such an aftercare king. He’s checking on you in every way he can think of: asking you if you feel alright, maybe massaging your hips if he had you in a weird position, offering you dinner or wine, maybe even a hot bath, if you’d like (and the bath would have special perfumed oils he had sent from Paris because Laszlo is SUCH a self care whore, he’s got soaps and perfumes out the wazoo).

B = Body Part.

His favorite part of yours are your breasts. No questions, hands down. He likes using your breasts as a pillow at night— just settling himself between your legs and resting his head on your tits is a dream he indulges in frequently. He also really loves seeing you in the new French-style of dresses that have a lower neckline, and, if you wear one of those dresses to dinner without telling him beforehand, he’s as good as gone. He’s staring the whole time and can only manage simple sentences.

C = Cum.

I think Laszlo likes to cum inside you, but he also wouldn’t mind cumming on your tits. If you’re on your knees, sucking him off, he’ll pull himself out of your mouth and almost rip your blouse in his haste to set your tits free before his orgasm rips through him. He only chooses to cum inside you if he can’t cum on your tits (for example, if you’re having slow, kissy sex and he can’t bear to leave your wet heat).

D = Dirty Secret.

Laszlo. Loves. To. Be. Degraded. From a psychological standpoint, he understands that his desire to be brought down and ridiculed is born from some sort of childhood trauma that DEFINITELY involves his father, but he just can’t help himself from getting so ridiculously turned on when you call him a dog for humping your leg while you try to sleep. Bonus points if you use his title while you do it: “Just like a little bitch in heat, aren’t you, Doctor Kreizler? You’re so aroused, you can hardly handle yourself. Are you too dumb to touch your own cock? Do you need me to do it? Oh, Doctor, what a dumb little thing you are.”

E = Experience.

Even Daniel himself has said that Laszlo has like NO experience. Laszlo got ZERO bitches (which I find hard to believe but ok whatever you say, writers of The Alienist), so, the first time y’all have sex, he’s more likely than not losing his virginity (let’s not get into the debate of “virginity is a social construct” because a.) IT IS and b.) Laszlo would lecture for hours about this). HOWEVER, these things come naturally to him. He is just Good In Bed. He figures it out very quickly, so, while you make fun of him for going a little stupid when he’s aroused, he makes up for it by bruising your cervix and apologizing later.

F = Favourite Positions.

Laszlo loves that soft, slow, kissy sex, so he’s into whatever position makes it possible for him to be inside you and to kiss you at the same time. Missionary is a go to, but sometimes he’ll have you sit on his desk and kiss your neck as he hikes your skirts up and fucks you all slow and nice.

G = Goofy.

Hardly ever? Laszlo is pretty serious most of the time, and the only time we ever see him Not Serious in the show is when he’s wasted after John’s bachelor party in season 2. So, maybe y’all went to dinner at Delmonico’s, then a ball for members of high society, and he had a little too much champagne and schnapps. He’s not like giggling and all, but his cheeks are red and he’s smiling more than usual, and calling you sweet names “Oh, mein Kätzchen” and “Meine kleine Prinzessin”. That’s Laszlo’s version of goofy.

H = Hair.

OK, my train of thought here is: LOOK AT THIS MAN’S BEARD. HIS BEARD IS NICE AS SHIT. If he treats his facial hair that good— regular trims, the beard oils we all know he uses, even if it isn't strictly canon— then his downstairs hair is nice too. Definitely soft, if maybe a little wiry sometimes (but tbh whose isn’t), and it’s a nice little cropping at the base of his cock. He also has a thin happy trail up his soft tummy, and a good amount on his chest (as we see in the show lol that much is canon).

I = Intimacy.

Laszlo is ALL ABOUT intimacy. You’ll know he’s in a ~mood~ because you’ll ask what’s being served at Delmonico’s that night, and Laszlo is like “I thought we might stay in tonight. John gave me his grandmother’s recipe for chicken soup”. He’ll light candles and pour you wine and play nice music on his gramophone, and he’ll romance you throughout dinner with little hand touches and sly smiles, until he’s kneeling in front of you and slowly kissing up your leg.

J = Jack-Off.

Honestly, he hardly does it. Of course, I’m sure he did it A LOT before he met you, but now he doesn’t need to pleasure himself anymore. He’s got you to do that. The only exception is if he has to travel for work and you can’t go with him. Even then, he’ll hold off until he absolutely can’t stand it, and then he’ll like read a letter you sent him or look at a sketch that John did of you while he whacks off; sometimes, he’ll just hold your letter to his face, and the faint trace of your perfume is enough to do the job.

K = Kink.

He likes impact play a lot (and perhaps a little roleplay wrapped up in it). On the rare occasion that his fucking is anything but soft and lovely, he’s gonna be hitting your ass and the backs of your thighs as you cling to him while he rails you stupid. Laszlo would try to hit your cheek, but he feels too bad when you wince at the pain of it. Spanking your tits is good to him too. His favorite though (and here’s where the roleplay comes in), is caning your ass. He’ll bend you over the desk in his home office and pull your skirts up past your hips, and he’ll make you count the amount of times his thick wooden cane connects with your soft asscheeks. The roleplay is, more often than not, you were his assistant who did something wrong and needed to be punished. If you miss one or forget to thank him accordingly “Thank you, sir”, he’ll focus the next hit on your thighs.

L = Location.

Either the bed or his desk. Laszlo is a little older (I don’t think we ever get an explicit age? But if we say he’s the same age as Daniel, then he’s 40 to 42-ish) so he can’t do it against a wall or anywhere too crazy (not to mention his right arm can hardly support much weight, so if he needs to hold you up, it’s probably not gonna happen). The bed is a special time for you two because of his arm; he’ll hold himself up with his left arm and rest his hand on your hip or wherever to give himself at least a little leverage. But the desk is usually easier because you can sit, or you can bend over and he can grab your hip.

M = Motivation.

He loves you and wants to worship you. It’s truly as simple as that. He loves you and thinks that you’re the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen, and he wants to show his reverence for you by making love to you.

N = No.

He can’t get into the role of “daddy”, nor can he call you “mommy”. Childhood trauma aside, he will be goddamned if Sigmund fucking Freud is correct about his bullshit Oedipus complex or whatever, so he just eliminates that whole thing entirely.

O = Oral.

He’s very good at it. He’s just… His lips are soft and his beard is good, and he’s not afraid to get a little messy with it. He’ll eat you out until he absolutely has to come up for air, and he’ll have a little bit of your wetness clinging to his mustache, but then he’s right back in it. His medical degree is also put to good use here because he remembers his female anatomy and he’s locked onto your clit the entire time. The first time you ever squirted, it was because Laszlo was nipping at your clit and sucking your wet little hole and pressing his thick fingers into you, and it was A Lot To Process, but you squirted and Laszlo came in his pants instantly because he’s like “I didn’t think women could actually do that… I thought that was a thing that penny novels made up”

P = Pace.

Again, he’s a little older, so he doesn’t fuck like some wild boy. He takes his time with you, touching you and caressing you and kissing you, and his pace is the same way. He’s slow and gentle, but has the capacity to go faster and harder if you ask for it.

Q = Quickie.

Hates them. Never. Never ever ever. If he can’t properly romance you and take his time with you, then what’s the point??

R = Risk.

Surprisingly, Laszlo is a little schemer, and he loves running a risk. He’s already looked down upon by other society members, so what’s the harm in squeezing your ass at a party? PERHAPS it’s inappropriate to get caught in a dark corner with your hand down his trousers and him kissing your neck, but it’s easy to blame it on the alcohol.

S = Stamina.

Once more, he is firmly middle aged, so he can do one round— maybe two, if he’s feeling particularly frisky. Usually, though, one is more than enough for both of you.

T = Toy.

HAVE YALL SEEN SEX TOYS FROM THE 1890S?? SHITS ARE SCARY. Laszlo does not like toys, but he understands their need for existing, so he may not like them but he tolerates them. That being said, he likes to watch you use them. LIke, he’ll sit in a chair by the bed and request you “put on a good show”, and he’ll watch you fall apart, and he’ll only come and touch you if you beg and plead for him to.

U = Unfair.

Mhm, so, in Laszlo’s mind, sex and pleasure are not just a give and take, it’s a two way street. They can (and often need to) coexist. He doesn’t like to initiate something if you won’t be able to reciprocate, so he’s not too into teasing or things. At the aforementioned parties, he’ll only goose your ass if he knows you’re 100% down for it.

V = Volume.

He’s fairly quiet. His mouth is usually really close to your ear, and you’re the only one who gets to hear his pretty little noises. The loudest he’ll be is when he’s come home after traveling and it’s felt like ages since he’s made love to you, he’s gonna come inside you, and his little gasp and moan are louder than usual.

W = Wild Card.

He is down to be tied up. He doesn’t like to tie you up, but if he’s the one being restrained, he’s all over it. It’s nothing too intense, just using a ribbon for your hair to tie his left hand to the headboard, not super tight but enough to make his fingers a little tingly, but he loves it. He loves the switch of the dynamic, how he’s fully at your mercy and you can use him however you please; usually, you just suck him off and ride him, but the endless possibilities get him hard as soon as you pull out the ribbon.

X = X-Ray.

Laszlo has Big Dick Energy, so he has to have a big dick. The best example of this sort of energy is in the very first episode after he goes and interviews Wolf, and comes to speak to Teddy, and Teddy is like “you interviewed the suspect? On whose authority??” and laszlo is like “Mine” like OH HIS DICK IS BIG I KNOW IT. He’s got an above average length and girth, but we know our man likes to eat, so some of his weight goes to his dick, so it’s like,,, He’s got a fat cock, sorry, I don’t make the rules

Y = Yearning.

Constantly. Neverending. He’s at work and he’ll catch a glimpse of a pastel drawing that you commissioned from John for Laszlo’s birthday that sits in a frame on his desk, and his heart starts to hurt from missing you. When he comes home, he’ll embrace you and kiss you like he hasn’t seen you in years, and he’ll want to hear all about your day. You have your doctor so whipped for you, and it’s a different kind of whipped than being pussy whipped. He’s, like, feelings whipped.

Z = ZZZ.

He’s a sleepy little baby after you guys finish. His eyes will be a little heavy and sticky as he’s cleaning up and caring for you (and you definitely coo at him “Oh, Las, you’re so sleepy!”) but when you’re both back in bed, our little man is circling his arm around your waist and nuzzling his cheek into your shoulder. He’s so soft and affectionate, and he’s out like a light when you kiss his forehead and tell him you love him.

[directors-eyes]

ANAKIN SKYWALKER VS DARTH TYRANUS

STAR WARS PREQUELS APPRECIATION WEEK > 10/16 - Favorite Duel (or scene) 

  This fight, for me, was the first real saber batter I saw in theaters. I was in second grade and it was the most powerful visual for me. To see a character struggling with light and dark, being furious but having to control his anger and being unable to do so was the most relatable thing I'd ever seen. His best friend, his master, is hurt and about to be murdered in front of him after he has lost his only parent and just seen the love of his life fall out of a ship. I loved seeing the passion in this fight, how Anakin tries to follow the things he’s learned but he is angry and impulsive and just goes for attacks without thinking.

  I love that this batter is a three part battle, but the coolest thing for me was seeing someone fight with two sabers. The lighting is a simple concept, but it was so intense and inspiring for little second grade me. A light fight in the dark with such passion so similar to the battle he will later have with his own son one day. Red and blue reflecting in Anakin's face, an unspoken foreshadowing of his fall to the dark side. For years after seeing this fight I would battle the neighborhood boys and train them in the ways of aggressive saber stances and attacks...and be the only girl who could kick everyone’s ass. It’s always given be goose bumps.

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you  s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

“okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,,   u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this   o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :((   (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[theworldbrewery]

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IN A WORLD WHERE [last letter of your username], a group of adventurers... [month you were born]

last letter of your username

A - the gods are incarnated into goats with divine power B - a beefolk hivemind serves as a distant global authority C - interplanar portals have personalities and sinister agendas of their own D - a major city sits atop a sleeping titan that just awoke from its slumber E - mago-nuclear annihilation has left behind a wild-magic-infused wasteland F - everyone has tiny deva and demon companions offering moral counsel G - the rich have barricaded themselves into a vault to avoid a draconic curse H - the zombies have unionized I - mag-lev trains carry travelers but some disappear, never to be seen again J - you must have a special degree to hunt for treasure K - all weapons and weapon-like tools have been banned L - the Undying Enchanter Tyrant has died, throwing society into anarchy M - magical refuse has polluted the atmosphere, making it unbreathable N - the illegal pet trade in aberrations has led to pygmy-Aboleth empires O - potatoes don’t exist P - citizens can be fined for knowing more than they need to do their jobs Q - three nations wage war over a narrow tract of land that appears worthless R - organ harvesting is a popular cure for death S - djinni make a fortune selling wishes to the great and powerful T - everyone is trapped in a time loop on the same awful day U - a coalition of prophets foretell the year’s events before they happen V - the world is doomed to fall into a black hole in one year’s time W - a hobgoblin mad scientist inadvertently ascended to godhood X - the entire abjuration school of magic has been forgotten Y - a labyrinthine hedge maze fills the outdoors, even separating neighbors Z - social status is determined by a lottery drawn every night

Month You Were Born

Jan. - ...travel through time to the birth of a controversial historical figure. Feb. - ...concoct an elaborate get-rich-quick scheme. Mar. - ...resolve to uncover the truth behind a popular conspiracy theory. Apr. - ...are mistaken for a similar group of great fame or notoriety. May - ...run afoul of a paranoid mobster with friends in high places. June - ...are sent on a wild goose chase to find an item that doesn’t exist. July - ...receive money and a mission from a mysterious benefactor. Aug. - ...accidentally become the leaders of a new cult. Sep. - ...break an important contract and must go on the run. Oct. - ...lose something they were supposed to protect. Nov. - ...discover they have identical, cryptic markings on their skin. Dec. - ...engage in a quest for vengeance against a six-year-old child.

[scaryscarecrows]

Hello Yes No Goodbye

It’s been two weeks since Granny’s…untimely passing…and the leaves are starting to change. Jonathan’s not going to lie, he’s not exactly looking forward to longer nights. It’s…it’s not an easy thing, to sleep in this big, old house by himself. He knows it’s impossible, but he’s been waking up at two in the morning, drenched in sweat and knowing that Granny’s hauled herself out of the chapel and up the stairs and is at this moment clawing at his door.

Kitty’s parents are out of town this evening, which means she’s coming over for a little while to help him search for the deed. At least, that’s what she said. When he opens the door to let her in, she’s got a bag of candles and a plank sticking out of the top.

“What is that.”

“It’s a Ouija board!” she says. “A real one, though, from…I don’t know, s’my da’s side of the family. Eighteen-something. He says it’s made out of a coffin.”

He pulls it free. It is, indeed, old and wooden. It’s a dark wood, with questionable stains on the back, and the varnish is either too much or not quite enough. There’s some weight to it, though. It feels like it could at the very least leave a goose egg on somebody’s head.

“Uh-huh.”

“You’ve never done it, have you.”

“Kitty. Name a direction you can turn without seeing a church.”

“There isn’t one.”

“Mm-hm.” He flips the board. It’s hand-painted, with the alphabet and numbers taking up most of the room. “We had an exorcism five years ago. So, no, I have never so much as touched a Ouija board. Granny would have killed me.”

“Good thing you killed her first, then,” she says breezily, sweeping past him and towards the dining room. “Come on, let’s see what happens.”

“Why?”

“Because your house has better ambiance than mine, and it’s older.”

That, at least, is true. Keeny Manor dates back to shortly after the Revolution, and it has a nasty history. Granny was fond of telling him all about the tragic accidents, betrayals, and lynchings that have happened on the property through the centuries.

…it’s no wonder he had night terrors as a boy.

“Kitty, nothing is going to happen.”

“How do you know?”

“Because there’s no such things as ghosts.”

“Yeah, but it’ll still be fun.”

…maybe. They may as well. If nothing else, Granny would hate to see the thing used in her Good Christian Dining Room™, which means he has to do it out of spite.

“Let me get a sheet.”

“For what?”

“Stay there, you’ll get lost!”

“Why do we need a sheet?”

He pulls one out of the closet and comes back, throws it over the big old mirror hanging on the far wall. It makes it look more than a little unsettling, but that’s not the point.

“Now you can’t yell at me for using that to scare you,” he says. She scoffs.

“Like you won’t try to scare me, anyway.”

Likely, but now he’ll have to be subtle. It’ll be a challenge.

The dining room hasn’t seen much use since Granny’s departure. They clear off one end of the long table and Kitty lays out the board, surrounds it with candles, and fishes around until she comes up with the planchette and a lighter. The planchette goes on the board. The lighter starts moving around the candles. Once they’re lit (they’re brighter than he’d thought they’d be), he shuts off the lights and sits down across from her.

“If we get sucked in, it’s your fault,” he says.*

“Thought you didn’t believe?”

No, but he wants to absolve himself of responsibility anyway. Just in case.

They sit and rest their fingers on the planchette. It’s much better varnished than the board-even and slick, and the glass in the middle is very thick.

Nothing happens. No spooky gust of air, no whispers, no nothing.

“What now.”

Kitty ignores him in favor of asking, “Is anyone here?”

He knows how these work. Minute tremblings of the fingers and psychological predisposition makes the thing move. But he’ll admit, it’s a little unsettling (because it’s dark and because this house is the sort scary stories are written about) when the planchette sliiiiides across the wood and stops on the yes.

“That was fast,” Kitty whispers.

“It’s an old house,” he whispers back. “Remind me to tell you about the madwoman in the attic.”

She taps her foot against his shin and raises her voice to the board.

“Hello.”

Must be protocol. Manners are important and all that.

“Hello.”

The planchette doesn’t move. Okay. Kitty shrugs and says, “What is your name?”

It moves this time, to the M. But it doesn’t go any further. It’s probably tiring, moving this big, heavy thing.

“How did you-okay. Okay, never mind.”

The planchette first moves to the hello. Then, after a second (catching its breath?), it goes down, towards the J. O. N. A.

“Very funny, Kitty.”

She’s not laughing.

“That’s not me,” she says. “Look.”

She pulls her fingers back. The planchette continues to move. T. H. “That’s you.”

It’s Scarecrow, is who it is. He withdraws his hands--

--and it keeps going. A. N.

“That’s never happened before.”

The planchette doesn’t move again. Maybe it got pushed when they took their hands off. Yes, yes, that’s what happened. When it doesn’t do anything outlandish, like fly up and take out an eye, he figures he’s correct.

“Well?”

Kitty looks a little less enthused than she did earlier, but she puts her fingers back. The planchette quivers a little. One-or both, more likely, it’s cold in here-of them is shaking.

“How did you die?”

“That’s a little personal, isn’t it?”

“That’s what you’re supposed to ask.”

“Can’t you ask if we passed English--”

“Oh, please, like anybody could fail that if they tried--”

B. I. R. D. S.

“You’re not funny,” he says faintly, folding his hands in his lap. “Come on, Kitty--”

“I’m telling you, I’m not doing it! Look!”

She puts her hands in the air. The planchette keeps going.

M. U. R. D. E. R.

“Jonathan--”

“Don’t look at me--”

There’s a loud thumping noise upstairs and they both jump. The planchette doesn’t move, but Jonathan will swear, if only for a second, that gnarled fingers brush his cheek before something blows out the candles.

Caw!

WHAT-wait. Wait, wait, where’d she put that lighter…she’s got it, never mind.

A candle relights. A crow is just visible on the china cabinet, looking ruffled and irritated that there’s people in here.

Caw!

“We should go.”

“Uh-huh”

Caw!

They start inching towards the door, abandoning the damn board on the table. The crow flaps angrily and Jonathan reaches over to pinch the candle wick. There’s more angry cawing, but at least it can’t see them.

Like it’s ever mattered before, but…

They’re barely out of the room when there’s the unmistakable sound of it kicking off the wood and flapping around for a second before--

--oh. Oh boy, time to go, time to go, time to duck!

He drops, yanking her down after him, and it soars over them and off to somewhere else in the house. Upstairs, sounds like. Great.

When it doesn’t come back, they make a break for the front door and burst onto the porch, panting. The moon’s rising, illuminating what’s left of the scarecrow. He’s never been so glad to see the useless thing in his life.

“Let’s not do that again,” Kitty says, a little breathless, and he nods.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“You’ll come in, I’m not staying by myself.”

“Scared?”

“Yes,” she says, and she sounds so offended that he’d even ask that he has to laugh. “Stop laughing, you were scared, too!”

“I was not.”

“Lies!” Yes. Yes, lies. But he’s not about to admit it. “Besides, you said something a madwoman in the attic. You can’t just leave it at that.”

Fine. But he’ll be telling that story with the lights on tonight. Just in case.

THE END

* *insert Jumanji drums here*

[archiveofidentityconstellations]

cass won't share her cheese nibs and bruce doesn't love me and i think?? that i deserve better??? than this???? i'm moving to alaska where NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO

the sequel to that one trix yogurt fic

I feel like I should tell you that I am MASSIVELY fucked up right now 

 like i am such a garbage heap that oscar the grouch took a look at me and said 

 “fuckk off!! i have standards!” 

anyways

it’s Brimothy, bitch

what is UP mothertrucksrs it is Me i am back here to write a report on the UNBELIEVABLE SHIT I JUST HANDLED.

okay so u know how Gotham city is on crack cocaine all the time. with like some LSD and heroin and never ever any weed except for like who is that pig guy?? nevrm he doesn’t have weeeed but like he is definitely a Pig. what the fuck is his name. what the fuck.

 okay so anyways 

 is it Goyle

 Doyle

 Pigoyle 

 tin foil? lmao

OKAY FUCK anyways the City, who Also May Be My Lover, is in a constant life crisis (which i relate? a Lot) and do you want to know this s h i t

Crocodile

Killer Croc

who Steve Irwin would be v disappointed in

Is climbing

into people’s FUCKING TOILETS

???????????????

THIS ISN’T FLORIDA

THIS IS NEW JERSEY

WE WEAR SHOES IN THE WINTER

WHAT SORT OF FLIP-FLOP WEARING CUCKER DOES HE THINK HE IS

okay so obviously KC is a big guy. a Dude. a whack-o whaler of a Male. a Big Boh. the largest banananana in the pack. he is Big. so he cAn’t fit into most people’s toilets. he can, however, fit into Big People’s toilets (big as in wealthy, not As in Tom Hanks)

so KC (crispy,,,nuggest…i wonder if fried alligator is good—not that im thinking of eating him, though someone really should threaten him with cannibalism, like if you’re going to be a bitch about it then you deserve the same done to you, it’s just manners) is in cahoots and canoodles with Someone Who Shall Not Be Named (not bc i don’t know, I do, that’s how detectives work. it’s my JOB to know, and i was a prodigy) but bc there is a whole other report detailing this person and their movements and its case file #4461 if u don’t believe me, but i ain’t no snitch, but i will say that tonight’s events connect to file #4461 so Dad if you’re reading this you should already have it out bc it’s your JOB

speaking of jobs ding ding here is mine coming round the mountain as she comes bc the apple bottom jeans the boots with the fur will be coming round the mountain when she comes shE’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll be coming round the mountain she’ll b e coming round and getting low low low low low l ow low

It was a crisp October night. The sun was blinking its sleepy lids, setting the ballroom with an incandescent glow. Bruce Wayne strode across the floor, his daughter Cassandra accompanying him. They wore matching expressions that the privileged always wear: guarded, yet hungry. Hungry for what? Probably for the crab cakes just out of reach. Neither of them had an allergy, and Cassandra in particular had a propensity to shove anything edible in her mouth, so it really was a tragedy that those crab cakes were all the way across the room. There should really be a table right in the middle of the dance floor just for snacks. That way caterers wouldn’t have to do so much leg work, which is actually a good thing, because that ballroom floor is slippery af. This narrator should know, he has Died A Few Times getting there. Suddenly, the night’s festivities were interrupted by a social faux pas: a scream.

You don’t just scream at regular parties, it’s uncouth and hysterical. But you can scream if the social boundaries have already been crossed, and boy, were they crossed.

You see, Dear Reader, there was a man in the toilet.

I use the term “man” loosely, as his glaring yellow eyes do wonders when you might just crap your pantaloons. You start imagining things, like dinosaurs whcih i am personally a big fan of bc Jurassic Park has a kid named Tim in it and I am also Tim.

 hI y is our toilet so big that Killer Croc could wiggle his way up? also how long can he hold his breath. 

 it seems to be impressively long

 hey Bdad how long can he hold his breath? please let me know if you can, and if you won’t i will eat all your wafers becauzs i wa

Mrs. Trenton screamed and fled the impertinent bathroom guest, who wasted no time in ripping the commode to pieces. There was a roar and all the guests paused, unsure if it was merely pipe problems or if they were under attack.

Reader: They were, in fact, under attack. 

The guests, deciding that Mrs. Trenton was a social entrepreneur, followed her lead and began to scream. Killer Croc had made it to ballroom, standing at an impressive height just outside the doors.

He was Not wearing a shirt.

okay have u ever noticed that Killer Crog hasn’t got any nipples????? where are they? he’s got pecs but no nipples?? 

where did they go where are his nip nops i kno people don’t like to think about this but i hAve wondered since i was like 13 like where did they go. has anyone ever asked him. 

did they fall off

“Take the crab cakes!” shouted Matthew Fielder, a lil bitch.

“No, take me!” said Cassandra Wayne, who would literally rather die than give up those crab cakes.

Killer Croc paid them no heed. He desired one thing and one thing only, the sweet satisfaction for his carnal craving: Humain Flesh.

(alliteration hell yeah hell yeah take that Mrs. Johnson i do know shit and im creative as well u jusy don’t know how my brian works it’s like a golden goose egg trap ye ye ye)

 i just Realized 

 i am…a high school drop out

 i don’t know why im doing this

Dear Reader, as an Aside: Smoking can lead to many health issues, especially if one begins smoking at a young age. Harmful side effects include increased risk of stroke and brain damage; muscular degeneration, eye cataracts; cancer of lips, nose, tongue, and mouth, and nipple loss.

 Jason you may want to have a talk with you and your mipples

The terror in the air was stifling. Cannibalism conduct was not something conveyed in etiquette classes. Rich people never expect to be eaten.

Reader, everyone hardly breathed. Something deeply primal had occurred. 

From the doorway the golden eyes struck. Deadly. Lethal. Hungry. 

This was more than vengeance. It was a sadistic occasion of play.

  okay good thing Dames wasn’t there because he fucking HATES KC he gets all huffy and shrieky about him like “he’s a HYGIENE PROBLEM” and it’s like,,,,,.ur right but i don’t want to agree with you because where do we stand if i do that?? as brothers???

 i think the fuck not 

anyways i just realized i’ve been calling Waylon Jones KC the entire damn time (NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE) but to be fucking h, he wants to to be called that. i called him Allen once and he was so PISSED so i can only think of actually calling him by his name. he wouldn’t even be chill with me naming the sewer alligators even tho they were awesome names. i called one Dundee. that’s fucking genius. that’s just. i’m fucking amazing. stupenous. and unappreciated.

 maybe his nipples fell off because he swims in shit every night?????

 question: why do i swim in shit almost as often 

 what the dfck

 what are my life choices

 i feel like there should have been some fine print involved here 

 “Robin duties include scraping shit off your asschreks 3 times a week”

 mahbe,,,,maybe not what i want 

 personal choice

though i haven’t really seen any alligators in the sewers for years now, which is

oh my god OH MY GOD HE ATE THEM  HE ATE THEM OH MY GOD  OH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!

HE FUCKING  HE FUCKING. HE. HE ATE HIMSELF  HE FUCNING ATE HIMAELF AND HIS FAMILY HIS COUSINS HIS CPOUSINS  HIS FAMILY OH MY GOD  THIS IS LIKE MY 8TH GRADE GRADUATION ALL OVER AGAIN

im so disturbed……..i like, need to eat something. Fucking hell. this Not what i had in mind when i decided to be alive.

i feel like as if i woke up one day and i was the only one in the entire world who remembered Caillou. also could pull off my face and eat it like taffy. imw so. i.

mom i know i refused to go to Shabbat when i was ten so i don’t get to say this but:

this is Not kosher 

oh heyy i want some pIckes

i was also thinking of takin a spin class?? like fuck it i like to bike. fuck it. and maybe iwdont want bruce and nigtwink fucking watxhing me with their beady eyes. like get those off my calves. my cleavage is up here, gentlemen. stop talking about proper form. some people can do things and suck at them. i’m never going to be like a professional ice curler. and i shouldn’t feel bad about that. who the fuck curls for fun. maybe Canada???????

note to self: look up the history of the sport of curling 

i’m going to get good at it to piss off Jason

Back On Topic:

Killer Croc took a step forward. His mouth trembled, watering in anticipation. He took another step.

Mrs. Trenton drew in a breath. 

The room was silent. 

Far across the room, Bruce Wayne clenched his champagne glass. Cassandra Wayne stopped chewing the crab cakes.  Reader, I won’t mince words: Waylon Jones crossed the threshold.

  and the instant he put his foot down on the ballroom floor he fucking slipped like a drunkass toddler

like when Damian is really really tired bc he’s like 2 years old (only an evil 2 years old like chucky) and Jason tries to give him a high five 

gremlin still doesn’t get that “down low” precedes “too slow” 

and he like. faceplants

onto the fucking concrete 

and then Bruce yells at Jason 

and then Jason yells back

“I NEVER ASKED FOR SIBLINGS”

like it was something we all did, like wrote it down on our batmas lists for Brucie Claus 

and im sitting there, a perennial Forgotten Middle Child

and Damian is like still. on the ground.

anyways KC is just slipping across the ballroom, slippering and sliding bc the floor was just waxed and it’s silent except for the wet slaps of his feet against the floor and the screech his tail makes every time he trips (sort of like this) and when he sometimes falls it makes that sound of when your thighs SLAP against the mats and it sounds like a wet walrus coming to cheer you on while a Giant simultaneously swallows a liquid-filled gummy worm down his throat like QAWAGGHHHHHHH only his falls reverberated against the ceiling panels and the cherubs looked down in like. disgust.

Cass began chewing the crab cakes again by the time Killer Croc fell for the twelfth time so idk it was an embarrassing situation

 we all did that Thing people do when a social barrier is breached 

 we like…..avoided each other’s eyes and made light conversation 

 meanwhile Killer Croc’s body screeched in the background

anyways Matthew Fielder was like “so I hear you dance ballet” and Cass responded “uh huh. tap too” and the chewed up crab cake crumbs fell out of her mouth and onto the floor

 i CAN’T

scrambled cock on a cracker, Cass why does Alfred let this happen????? what is this??????  like she can snort creme puffs like cocaine but GOD FORBID i put my elbows on the table and call damian “a poisonous little bitch” because he ate my croutons

 the standards in this family are unbelievable

So everyone is just talking and Mrs. Trenton is sipping champagne now and Luis Alvarez is doing that thing where he starts trying to eat caviar one teeny tiny egg at a time and KC is just like WHUMPH for the thirtieth time

finally dad takes pity on him and crouches down and is like “hey how you doing slugger” which???? Offended me. Very Much.

that’s MY nickname 

has Waylon No-Nipples Jones been adopted by Bruce Wayne??? has Waylon No-Nipples Jones retrieved HIS sorry ass from time?? i don’t fucking think so 

the audacity of this man

but before Killer Croc can reply

Red Hood

BURSTS INTO THE ROOM

guns out, voice modulator kind of fuzzy like a broke refrigerator that makes an “eeeeeeeeeee” sound ever since i tripped over it and fell on it

 which wASN’T MY FAULT 

 IM NOT “deformed baby zebra clumsy” FUCK YOU JASON 

 MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T KEEP HIS EXPENSIVE HELMET ON THE FLOOR THEN 

 you know what? I’m GLAD i tripped over it.

 yeah. suck it. 

 im glad you sound like a 90s japanese transistor radio 

 off brand too

 fuck you 

 I GOT A BRUISE NOT THAT ANYONE CARES 

 even Bruce was like “hey tim you need to watch where you’re going”

 ???

 how about YOU watch where YOU’RE GOING 

 “where” as in TIME TRAVEL 

 REMEMBER THAT BRUCE 

 REMEMBER THAT?!???????

 HUH BIG GUY?!???????!!???

 no one is allowed to criticize me from now on

 i am Above Reproach 

    anyways yeah Red Hood appears at the party and shoots KC and Bruce was like “why the FUCK would you SHOOT HIM” as if he has some misplaced paternal feeling for Waylon No-Nipples Jones because he called him slugger which is something he calls one of his other kids but whatever im not bitter im just insecure and sad all the time but don’t worry about it maybe i’ll die one day and you’ll all be sorry especially about Certain Things like not sharing cheese nibs huh Cassandra

so RH and Bruce Wayne kind of argue. like. literally sniping at each other bc SOMEBODY forgot that Red Hood is a criminal and not their misplaced son and RH is like “it’s!!!!! a tranquilizer!!!!! ya big hoe!!!!!” only he doesn’t really say it like that but everyone isn’t even listening at this point because this party has already been so goddamn weird and we’re all suffering from secondhand embarrassment

i am Assuming,,,,,that Killer Croc Jones “Jonsie No-Nipples” has been taken away to be put into jail and studied for his non-nipple properties but at this point i’ve been sitting here huffing that cold medicine or whatever Bruce gave me. which

 oh yeah i was crushed earlier 

 it was by “slugger” but whatever

 yeah his body broke mine 

 it was because Bruce and Jason were fighting again and not paying attention so 

 KC was tranquillized and like 

 fell on me 

 he drooled on me too 

 those ballroom floors really hurt 

 like my head feels like mush 

 Alfred’s oatmeal 

 on its second day 

 because i refused to eat it on the first day 

 that man has a spine of Steel and he Does Not Let You Waste Food 

 btw he fell on me because i pushed Luis Alvarez out of the way 

 he was really transfixed by those tiny fish eggs 

 it’s fun to put them on your tongue and let them like slide around 

 so i pushed him out of the way and was promptly crushed to death 

 B said something about a broken collarbone 

 i am more worried about a broken butt 

 fuck

 my coccyx

PROFESSOR PYM wait no shit that’s a comic book character

anyways my butt is broken and im hungry and dad wouldn’t let me get out of the chair so i write up this report because I am A Real Life Detective and I do my JOB

once again im the best

hey red jood can you get me some cheese nibs cassandrA won’t share which is p mean especially since i was all for being eaten to give her those crab cakes  red hoof red  why isn’t he responding to me i want xheese nibs red hanz  red  red  Red Hood please I require sustenance  red fhau red gjji red hhood ted joood redb hood red red edds red red edd dedd red red red red red wd red  what the fuck what a right bastard sometimes oh hi Badaman

EDIT: His name is “Pyg.”  Fucking. Pyg. Points taken off for unoriginality.

decided to have a tumblr version too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[hispeculiartreasure]

Beka, you lil fairy queen, hi!!! I am full of random questions, and I'd love to ask you some. If you're not into it, pls just ignore this ask! 1. What is the angriest fruit? 2. Who would win in a fight: Groot or Goose the cat? 3. How many sweet teas is too many sweet teas? 4. Funniest movie you've ever seen? 5. Least favorite song/singer? 6. White, milk, or dark chocolate? 7. Did you know that I think you're the cutest and nicest? Bc I do! 8. Which infinity stone would u want?

Hi Lovely Lila! Sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a while, haven’t had much time to sit down with my computer. I will do my best to answer your questions!!

1. For angriest fruit, I would have to say kiwi. Why, I don’t know.

2. To answer your question fairly, I would say Goose. But for my own version, I like to think they are best friends and Groot grows extra branches higher up so Goose always has a place to chill.

3. As a Texan, there is no such thing as too much sweet tea, but as a normal human being my teeth start getting gritty around glass #4.

4. Funniest movie I’ve ever seen…  hmmmm. That’s tough. But as I’m trying to be better about making decisions I’d say… I felt so much joy watching Into the Spiderverse, so I’ll go with that, why not.

5. I   LO A T H E   Kenny Rogers’ The Gambler. I cannot explain it. But I hate it.

6. Milk chocolate, always.

7. I did not know because that is  LIE - YOU are the cutest and nicest, end of discussion.

8. I think I would want the reality stone? Just so I can kiss Chris Evans once… maybe more than once. TBD.

This was so fun, thank you for sending these, sunshine!

[melanippos]

Alphabet Tag Game

I never get tagged... and then I did. This is for @notanightlight, with a few alterations on questions that didn’t interest me, I didn't think would interest readers or is not the business of the general public. Recommended (rather than rules): answer or amend the questions in a new post and tag a few blogs you would like to get to know better, if you feel inclined.

a - age: in my third decade

b - birthplace: England

c - current time: 9.21pm

d - drink you last had: Irish Breakfast tea. Milk, no sugar. Strong.

e - easiest person to talk to: Almost anyone. I am verbose.

f - favorite song: Too many to count - but I’ve been listening to the soundtrack to Elementary a lot recently

g - greivances: smokers who don’t responsibly bin their cigarette butts drive me insane with loathing and incoherent fury. 

h - hearing loss? Not yet. But it appears genetic so I’m enjoying my audible surroundings while I can

i - inconsequential trifles: I have four pairs of Japanese split toed sneakers.

j - jelly or mousse? Such a hard question - Probably jelly if I could only have one.

l - leopard print? Not my cup of tea at all. Nor is fake fur or, real or faux snake or crocodile skin. I love woven textures.

m - middle name: As plain as it could be, to counter balance an unusual first name

n - number of siblings: two, one surviving.

o - one wish: Sanity in politics world wide. Stat, please.

p - person you called last: Accidentally pocket dialled my mum.

q - question you are always asked: You ride a motorbike?! (said when they note a helmet under my arm and twig I’m wearing a whacking great big jacket with reinforced elbows)

r - random saying: If wishes were fishes we’d all be sick of seafood. 

s - song you last sang: The pirate song from Felix the Cat and the Goose that Laid the Golden Egg. I generally whistle or sing snatches of it as I climb the numerous stairs to my, alas, now packed up studio space.

t - travelling necessities: safety pins, cord and spare wool. I keep a darning needle in my wallet.

u - understated or over? I wear kimono frequently so I’d say more overstated than under.

v - vacation destination: Japan on an Artist in Residency (message me if you know a person who knows a person)

w - worst habit: self sabotage. Putting in a lot of work on a personal project but not committing to the final push(es) that will get it out there, seen and potentially picked up by future clients.

x - x-rays: Lots of dental 

y - your favorite food: I adore stone fruit. Really nice apples. Corn piping hot but not over cooked

z - zodiac sign: Rooster and Ram.  @janey-jane - if you are inclined I should be interested, if you are not feel free to skim and dismiss 

[eating-rocks]

Alphabet Tag Thing!

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you’d like to get to know better!

Tagged-ish by @theinsanefox​ (I’ve seen so many do this now and I don’t feel like waiting for it to reach one of my mutuals)

a: age - 19 (a few months away from turning 20, though, butI’m still really young)

b: birthplace - Southern Sweden

c: current time - 06:10 am (I sound like a productive member of society being up so early, but I never really fell asleep)

d: drink you had last - Juice

e: easiest person to talk to - my mom

f: favorite song - Currently “Get Mine”- G-eazy, “Fuck You”- Lily Allen or “Kattliv”- JOY, depending on mood

g: grossest memory - Oh, god. I’m not easily grossed out, my favourite tv programs as a child were not so very censored veterinary programs. But something that almost gives my goose bumps when I think about it because it was so horrible, is when I had shingles and needed disinfect and apply ointment to the blisters so they would heal better. Some textures that feels similar makes me really nauseous     

h: hogwarts house - Slytherin

i: in love? - Lol, duh. Sana (my cat) is the love of my life

j: jealous of people - I’m too tired to go around and envy people. I obviously get envious occasionally, but I try to turn that into ambition instead 

k: killed someone - Well wouldn’t you like to know (I haven’t, I swear)

l: love at first sight or should I walk by again? - First of all, has this pick up line ever made sense? Second of all, I don’t think you can be in love with someone you don’t know

m: middle name - Sofie and Elisabet 

n: number of siblings - 0

o: one wish - To be free from all my pain, illnesses and anxiety  

p: person you called last - my mom

q: question you are always asked - “Did you make that??”, often followed by “I could never do that” and I hate it

r: reason to smile - Uh... Sana?

s: song you sang last - Dunno, I have a terrible singing voice and lung problems, so I don’t sing very often

t: time you woke up - Around 2 am, but I hadn’t slept for many hours so it was more of a nap

u: underwear color - Some weird pink-ish colour 

v: vacation destination - My bed, lol. I haven’t slept in it in weeks because it’s plucked apart (long story)

w: worst habit - Putting something aside and forgetting about it, often it’s a dirty mug or plate that I forget to bring out to the kitchen or some paper that ends up with more paper on top until it’s lost

x: x-rays - My god, where do we even start? I’ve x-rayed my foot 4 times ( 2 times for a twisted ankle, once because a horse decided to stand on it (also, I thought it was a good idea to wear converse when taking it for a walk, instead of borrowing a pair of boots when I didn’t have any), and once because I’m an idiot and dropped-ish a pan on my foot), knee 2 times (one time for Schlatter disease and once after I fell with my bike), thumb because it got smashed between two mops (also a long story), lungs because I couldn’t breath and they thought it could be fluid in the airways (turned out to be walking pneumonia), lung scintigraphy (same occasion, but to check for blood clots this time), and CT-scan because I’d had a almost constant headache for 2-3 months. 

I think that’s all of them, my body’s pretty fucked up at this point

y: your favourite food - Don’t really have one, I like most foods. But if I had to pick one, I’d say sushi without raw fish i.e veggie-or slightly grilled sushi

z: zodiac sign - Aires  tagging:

@tameholly @pluttskutt @inquisitorsmabari @zevranamor @ok-panduh @dreadhobo @charcoalvoid @myfavoritebisexual @triceratops-tricerabottoms @aly-the-gamer

[moonshroooms]

Random Fandom Questions Oh My

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

Currently the other ships I like right now are Human Bill Cipher and Dipper (a big guilty pleasure). If there are any Billdip shippers reading this may I humbly recommend Defining Bill Cipher, cause it’s 100% fantastic with plot, characterization, and some uh, heated moments if ya get what I mean. 

I always enjoy Frisk x Sans from Undertale, though I’ve been lagging behind on fanfics. I also like Sans and Toriel (which honestly, I like Frisk and Sans better for fanfics, but I’d want Sans and Toriel to be canon), and Frisk and Asriel are super cute too.

I’ve started reading Owari no Seraph (like, I think I’m only like ch 5), and I already knew about Mika x Yuu long before I ever started reading so I’m absolutely shipping them right now A++

I also ship Gon and Killua from Hunter x Hunter, though I don’t read a lot of fanfics for them. I just kinda annoy my friend with it when we watch the show XD

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

You know, I actually don’t think I do

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Ciel and Sebastian from Black Butler. And it’s weird cause like, they are absolutely ripe for shipping and there are plenty of other ships in like, nearly the same position I like but just. He doesn’t love-love Ciel man. He don’t even friendship-love him. Sebastian wants to eat his soul like literally and that’s it he’s just food. For whatever reason I just can’t get into that pairing. Please just let Ciel be with Elizabeth she’s such a cutie and let them be happy forever on okay good okay

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Ichigo and Masaya from Tokyo Mew Mew. I am 100% a Kisshu x Ichigo shipper and I know Ichigo x Masaya is like, oddly, one of the healthiest relationships you could have in an anime and Masaya would be a boy I’d fall head-over-heels for myself if he was real like honestly everything about him is basically perfect but I just. He’s so boring. He’s a really boring character to watch. And he gets more interesting near the end of the show, but it was just kinda too little too late, yanno? If they’d put more hints at the darker side of his wonderful personality then I’d probably would have shipped them, but I saw Kishigo first and that’s who I glommed onto srry

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

 I don’t contribute anything to society let alone a fandom XD

  F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

 I mean, that’s under the idea I’m actually in a fandom? Do I have to do something to be in a fandom? Can I just enjoy content? Does that count? If it do then I’ve been in the Tokyo Mew Mew fandom for like, 10 years or more. It’s like 99% dead so it’s not like I’ve searched up anything recently, but believe me if it ever gets a good remake I will be there 100%

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

 My first OTP back before I ever knew what an OTP was was Kisshu and Ichigo from Tokyo Mew Mew. And that fandom is super dead and I’ll probably never read a new good fanfic ever again but I’ll probably never let them go. I still consider them my OTP, and I’ve never found anyone that tops it XD They’re also completely toxic but just. Ah. I love them so much I just want them in a cute relationship plz

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

 Ennething. I guess anime is the easiest one to find though. I think I like Western animation better than anime, if only for comedy that hits home a little bit more, since I grew up in that culture and whatnot

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

 Nah. I avoid the Discourse by never joining the conversation e v e r. And most of the time I don’t really follow fandom blogs specifically, just blogs that happen to post some fandom stuff, so I probably don’t see any sort of annoying people or awful environments or anything. I don’t understand how people can get so annoyed I feel like discourse is just so easy to avoid/ignore??? But maybe that’s just me

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

 Voltron. I didn’t even know it existed until some of the funny blogs I follow started posting stuff about it. I don’t even know what Voltron’s about, other than the name sounded really familiar, like it’s an old anime being remade or something.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

 Peridot from Steven Universe. No wait, Rinna from Forest Born. Forest Born is one of my favorite books (from the Books of Bayern series by Shannon Hale, I highly recommend them). When I was younger I related to Rinna a lot (and I’m like, nothing like her now but that’s beside the point), and I loved her development her slow development towards not hating herself so much. It’s wonderful and steady and feels real

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

 Jackie from Star vs. is a really nice girl A+ girlfriend material and if I didn’t ship Marco and Star she’d be next up for the Marco ship train. I absolutely don’t hate her and she’s a fun and nice character, but sorry you can’t be Marco’s girlfriend the bloodmoon and also me said so

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

 Isi from the Goose Girl. She already reminds me a lot of my friend, so maybe I’m a little biased, but she seems like an absolutely wonderful person to be friends with and I’d 100% love that. I’d also like Dasha from River Secrets and Enna from Enna Burning. Just. Any of the main girls from the Books of Bayern. I love them all

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

 Since I don’t have a main fandom, I’ll just choose one:

 From Steven Universe I want more funny comics, dumb memes, and Stevonnie anything. And that’s considering there’s already a shitton of all of that. There’s never enough

  O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

 He’s Hurting Me by Maria Mena. And Kisshu x Ichigo, mostly because I’ve seen an AMV with them and that song XD

  P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

 Active Fandom for Tokyo Mew Mew AU!

 Okay fine, that doesn’t count. But oh geez I can’t think of any good ideas though. I don’t know but anything but a coffee shop AU. Give me something with adventure man. Uhh *spins wheel* Siren AU with *rolls dice* Pokémon. Make it happen, people

  Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

 Eh, considering I’m never an active part of any fandom, I can’t say I’ve abandoned anything. I’ll even go back to really old fandoms and try to find something I haven’t read before

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

 Do Steven and Connie and Star and Marco count even though I ship them? Because I value their friendship just as much if not more than their shipping capabilities. If not then, Sailor Moon and the other sailor scouts from Sailor Moon (from the original anime). I just really like that they joke and roast and support each other. A lot of the episodes focus a lot on their random interactions and it’s a joy to watch.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

 I have none honestly XD I’m not usually a person that gets into headcanons much. I ship plenty of people that aren’t together but I wouldn’t really call them headcanons, I dunno. Gon and Killua end up married. There, there’s your headcanon.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

 Kisshu returns to Earth for Whatever reason (any reason that means more battles and adventures is good), Ichigo ends up falling in love with him, Pudding and Tart end up together, Lettuce and Pie are together, Masaya is just fine and not dead, and everyone’s happy the end

 That’s the best I got XD

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

 Kisshu from Tokyo Mew Mew: Other than the fact he’s from my long-standing OTP, he’s just really fun to watch. He’s probably the reason I have an immediate attachment to character that are slightly crazy and shit tons of dangerous. He’s cheeky and flirty and gawd I luv it A+

 Peridot and Lapis from Steven Universe. I couldn’t choose really. Peridot is such a trash gremlin and Lapis is amazing when it’s not complete angst she is just Ultimate Emo Child.

 Willis from Awful Hospital (I highly recommend this comic by the way. It’s weird and wonderful). So far he’s just the cutest little thing and I love watching him it’s great

  V - Which character do you relate to most?

 I used to relate to Rinna from Forest Born a whole bunch, especially when I was younger. Nowadays I relate much more to her older brother Razo from River Secrets. He’s self-concious, but always cracking jokes and always in the mood for eating. I think he’s hilarious and honestly I hope I can be as funny as him. He’s got a lot of talents he just never notices. I hope that gets to be me, too.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

 Characters with no personality. And I think this is mostly just in the otome and harem anime’s that this kind of thing is rampant, cause you gotta make a character that people can slip into but just. My god. I tried playing an otome once and I couldn’t even finish it it was so awful and infuriating. Watching Diabolik Lovers was so painful this girl just L E T everything happen she didn’t even try putting up a fight even when some dude GAVE HER A KNIFE TO STAB HER VAMPIRE WHATEVERS WITH. MY GOD. I hated everything I wanted to cry. And don’t even get me started on the manga Black Bird I hate it so much they just rinse repeat everything. ‘No love interest don’t do sexy things at me I don’t want it’ ‘I’m doing it as punishment for you doing/not doing Whatever’ ‘Noooo’ and then proceeds to just continue to love the assbag. Just stop oh my goooood

  X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

 Enemies to Lovers. Or enemies being in love in general. Or forbidden romances of any kind. Basically I want a shit ton of angst and a happy ending.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

 I know a little bit about Homestuck, which I tried to read once and got bored. I keep wanting to pick it back up but just… aaaah the beginning is so boring I can hardly tell what’s going on. And I hate the 1 panel thing. I’m sure it was good while it was being posted, but it just takes so long to load the next page. I need a multi-page version please.

 I also know a tad bit about Madoka Magic, which I’m not entirely sure how. I just kinda. Read stuff I came across, despite never being interested in the show myself.

  Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

 Dear god please let Star and Marco be together (they probably will).

 I want at the very least a cute cheek kiss from Steven and Connie, also, can Stevonnie fuse with other gems??? That’d be wild.

 Danny Phantom needed to be longer also he needed to be with Valerie I loved her why the flip flap did they give her such a crappy reason to not be with Danny AAAH

 I haven’t been able to watch the Legend of Korra because I tear up anytime I see something about the old gang being old or dead like legit if I ever see Aang being all dead and spiritual and shit I will cry

 The Amazing World of Gumball is hilarious and I want more people to watch it

 I tried watching Bob’s Burger’s for just like, a funny show without a plot and I got bored eventually. Thankfully Gumball saved the day

 I think Ni no Kuni is an adorable game and I love their little definitely-not-Pokémon monsters and I’ll probably rant about who’s on my team one day

  I ship Link and Midna 100% but like, only the TP incarnation of Link. Skyward Sword and Breath of the Wild and Spirit Tracks Link can be with Zelda. Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass Link can be with Tetra (specifically Tetra).

 Speaking of Tetra, why the flip flap SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED WIND WAKER BUT LIKE, IT’S REALLY OLD AND HAS A REMAKE SO I GUESS THAT’S MOSTLY YOUR FAULT BEWAAAAAAAAAARE. ALSO THE BEGINNING OF BREATH OF THE WILD I GUESS? THOUGH IT’S NOT REALLY A BIG IMPORTANT SPOILER. 

does she get pale when she turns into Zelda? Like, bam you’re royalty also kiss your tan goodbye. Same thing happens to the mysterious old man when he becomes the king. Do bluebloods just not get tan or something like, the flip?

[ciathyzareposts]

Rogue: Email Addresses Make Me Nervous Now

Hey, guess what? You’re not going to believe this, but I haven’t beaten Rogue yet.

Okay, so that’s pretty much to be expected.  To be honest, I haven’t even gotten close.  My best efforts saw me getting down to level 19; in one of those I took one step right into an Umber Hulk and died almost instantly, and in the other I teleported away from an Umber Hulk only to be killed by a Xorn.  None of my tactics really seem to be helping, as I’m not reaching the deeper levels with any sort of consistency.  I’m just as likely to get cornered by Centaurs on level 8 as I am to descend further than level 15, and I really hoped I’d be doing better by this point.

So what I’m going to do with this post is lay out all the things that I’ve discovered about the game and try to use that to com up with a battle plan.  I’ll start with the monsters, especially as they might be significantly different to the ones in the commercial version of Rogue that most of you will have played.  There’s not an Emu to be seen here.

A is for Giant Ant.  As far as I can tell, they start appearing on dungeon level 3, and stop appearing after level 12.  Giant Ants are among my most hated enemies in the game, as they have a sting that drains a point from your Strength.  It actually doesn’t hamper your combat effectiveness on the low and mid-levels, but having a high Strength is almost a necessity when stronger enemies start appearing.  There’s a potion that restores your Strength, and I try to keep one to drink as soon as I hit level 13.  There’s no point drinking one before that, because you’re almost guaranteed to get drained again at some point.

B is for Bat.  The weakest enemy in the game, I’ve encountered them between levels 1 and 8.  They don’t attack you directly, but instead just move at random and take the occasional swipe at you.  They’re not dangerous unless you’re already in some dire straits, but they can be difficult to hit.

C is for Centaur.  Centaurs start appearing around level 8, and I’ve encountered them as low as level 17.  For me, Centaurs have been the first real hurdle in the game.  After you gain some XP most of the monsters you fight will be trivial, until the Centaurs show up.  They hit harder than anything encountered previously, and I’ve had a lot of ill-equipped characters go down to them.

D is for Dragon, I seem to recall.  I haven’t encountered one yet.

E is for Floating Eye.  These monsters appear between levels 2 and 11, and are completely non-aggressive.  They just sit there motionless, until you attack them.  You don’t want to let one near you though, because they have a paralysing attack which can leave you helpless for other monsters.  The best tactic is either to ignore them or kill them with missile weapons.

F is for Violet Fungus.  I haven’t recorded the levels that I’ve encountered these on.  Like Floating Eyes they’re stationary, but if you move next to one you won’t be able to move away.  They don’t seem to do a lot of damage, but they do take a lot of hits to kill.  Like the Eyes, they’re best killed from a distance.

G is for Gnome.  I’ve encountered these between level 6 and 15, and they’re among the easiest enemies in the game.  By the time you meet them they’re a trivial nuisance, and you can slaughter them with impunity.

H is for Hobgoblin.  The terrors of level 1.  Before you gain extra hit points, Hobgoblins are the enemies you most want to avoid.  They lose their deadliness once you’ve gained a level or two, but they’re definitely the leading cause of death for low-level characters.

I is for Invisible Stalker.  Again, I haven’t recorded where I’ve met these, but they don’t start showing up until around level 15.  Not that they show up at all, because you can’t see them without the right magic ring.  They hit pretty hard too.

J is for Jackal.  A fairly easy enemy from the first few dungeon levels.

K is for Kobold: Maybe the weakest enemy in the game aside from Bats.  They’re the only other monster that’s only worth 1 experience point.

L is for Leprechaun: These monsters aren’t hostile, and if you attack them all they do in retaliation is steal your gold and disappear.  I suppose that’s a problem if you’re playing for points, but if you’re going for the Amulet of Yendor it’s no big deal.  I always attack them for the potential experience points.

M is for ???  I have no idea yet.

N is for Nymph.  Like the Leprechauns they’re not hostile, but when you attack them they steal one of your magic items.  They’re worth killing though, because they drop items when defeated.  You want to do it with missile weapons though.

O is for Orc.  Another fairly weak enemy that appears in the mid-levels.  They’ve never posed much danger to me.

P is for ??? Another one I haven’t met yet.

Q is for Quasit.  They show up starting around level 10.  They don’t do a lot of damage, but they’re hard to hit, so they can still pose a danger with repeated blows.

R is for Rust Monster. Another hated enemy.  They show up around level 9, and I haven’t gotten far enough to figure out when they stop appearing.  Every hit they land on you worsens your armour by 1 point of Armour Class.  This even works on leather armour, which I thought wasn’t the case; perhaps it’s something that got fixed in a later version.  The only thing to do is take off your armour when you see one, and hope you still have something decent to wear when you hit the lower levels.  Or to just suck it up with an AC of 9 while you keep a good suit of armour in reserve.

S is for Snake.  Another of the weaker low-level enemies.  Not venomous, thankfully.

T is for Troll.  They start appearing on level 14, and when they do you know things are about to get serious.  They hit hard, and they take quite a few hits to kill. I suspect they regenerate hit points, but there’s no way to know for sure.

U is for Umber Hulk.  Of the enemies on the deepest levels, these are the ones I remember hating the most.  When they hit you, they cause confusion, which makes you act at random.  Once that happens it’s game over, as even the strongest characters will go down to three or four hits from an Umber Hulk.  Best avoided at all costs.

V is for Vampire, I think.  I haven’t encountered one yet.

W is for Wraith.  They aren’t too bad, except that sometimes their blows drain your experience points, which lowers your hit points and makes you weaker in general.  You get some, but not all, of these points back when you kill the one that drained you.  Wraiths are best dealt with from a distance.

X is for Xorn.  Alongside Umber Hulks, the high-level enemy that usually cooks my goose.  I’m not sure what abilities they have beyond hitting hard and being tough to kill, but that’s more than enough.

Y is for Yeti.  A mid-level enemy that’s reasonably tough, but nothing to get too worried about unless you’re already beat up.

Z is for Zombie.  Mid-level undead that are usually not much of a problem.

About to be killed by a Xorn.

I’ll list out the magic items I’ve found as well, beginning with the potions.  Whenever I find a potion, I tend to drink it right away so that type will be identified from then on.  There are some detrimental ones, but only one of them is a real inconvenience.

Confusion: Makes you confused when you drink it, but doesn’t last all that long.

Healing.

Extra-Healing: I think there are two levels of healing potion but I’m not certain.

Haste: Makes you faster but wears off after about a half-dozen moves.

Gain Strength: Adds a point to your Strength.  These are best saved for when your Strength is at maximum, or they don’t count towards your total when you use the next potion.

Restore Strength: Brings your Strength back to whatever it’s highest total has been.  Usually that’s 16, but the Gain Strength potion can make it higher.

Monster Detection: Gives you a screenshot of where all the monsters on the dungeon level are.

Blindness: Makes you blind, which is pretty bad.  You can’t see your surroundings, and you have no idea what monsters are attacking you.  It lasts for a while too, although it’s survivable if you drink one on the early to mid levels.

Paralysis: Makes you immobile for a short time, which is normally not a big deal.  I’ve tried throwing them at monsters, but it doesn’t seem to affect them.

Magic Detection: Shows you where the magic items on the level are.

Poison: Knocks a point off your Strength.

Gain Level: You gain an entire experience level, which can be great depending on how much XP you have.  Invariably I drink one when I’m only ten points away from my next level gain, which is pretty annoying.

There’s one potion that tastes like the juice of whatever fruit you specify in the options menu. I have no idea if there’s another effect.

The final potion gives you a “strange feeling”, but otherwise I have no idea what it does.

Drinking a Potion of Gain Strength

These are the rings I’ve found.  Rings have some great effects, but a lot of them cause you to get hungry faster when you wear them, so it’s a trade-off.  I tend not to put them on until I’ve identified them.

Aggravate Monster: I think this one just makes every monster you meet hostile, but most of them are that way anyway.  I don’t know if it makes them stronger at all.

Preserve Strength: Makes it so nothing can drain your Strength score.

Searching: Makes it easier for you to find traps and secret doors.

Blinking: This is a cursed ring that teleports you to a random location on the same level every now and then.  It can be annoying, but it can also be a life-saver.  I’d like to try a run at the deeper dungeon levels while wearing one.

See Invisible: Lets you see Invisible Stalkers.

Slow Digestion: Makes it so you need a lot less food.  You can actually grind for XP once you find one of these.

Increase Damage: I suppose this gives you a bonus to damage dealt, although it could make the monsters do more damage, I have no idea.

Dexterity: Increases your Dexterity, although there are cursed versions that do the opposite. Your Dexterity score isn’t visible, and I have no idea what it affects.  Trap evasion, maybe?

Protection: I’m not sure if this increases your Armour Class or reduces monster damage, but either way it makes you harder to kill.

Strength: Grants a Strength bonus. I don’t know if it can take you over a score of 18.

Scrolls are next.  I tend not to read scrolls until I have an item that’s worth identifying, because I don’t want to risk wasting a Scroll of Identify.

Identify: Tells you what a magic item is.  Maybe one of the most important items in the game.

Light: A one-use item that lights up a dark room.  Not all that helpful.

Enchant Weapon: Grants a +1 bonus to your weapon’s damage or ability to land a hit.

Teleport: Takes you to a random spot on the same dungeon level, which can be a very handy method of escape.

Remove Curse: Lets you remove any cursed items that you’re wearing.

Confusion: Makes your hands glow red. The next blow that you strike will confuse that enemy.  I’d love, just once, to land one of these on an Umber Hulk.

Mapping: Reveals the entire map of the level you’re on.

Enchant Armor: Gives  a +1 AC bonus to the armour you’re wearing.

Detect Gold: Shows you where the gold on the level is.

Sleep: Puts you to sleep for a short time.

Summon Monster: A random monster appears next to you, although I think it limits it to monsters that can actually show up on that level.  At least I think so, because I haven’t summoned a Dragon by accident.

Blank: I read a scroll that was completely blank once, not sure what that’s about.

There are scrolls that, when I read them, make me hear a maniacal laughter in the distance.

Another type of scroll makes a humming noise.

There’s a scroll that makes me feel a pull downwards.  I haven’t figured out any of the last three.

Casting an Enchant Weapon scroll

Finally, the staves and wands.  I’ll give them a test zap when I find one, on the off chance that I can identify it.  If not, I’ll try to test it on a weak enemy.  It wastes charges, but it saves on Identify Scrolls.

Haste Monster: Makes a monster move faster.  Not good.

Light: Lights up the room you’re in.  One of these with a lot of charges is really handy on the lower levels, so that you can see the monsters coming.

Striking: Deals damage to a monster at close range.

Lightning: Damages monsters at range, and rebounds off walls.  I’m reluctant to use these, because I’ve been caught in an infinite loop of lightning rebounds that made the game hang.

Slow Monster: Good for running away, because normally the monsters move at the same rate as you do.

Magic Missile: A ranged attack that doesn’t do a lot of damage.

Polymorph: Transforms a monster into another kind of monster.  Can be great, but can also get you into all sorts of trouble.

There’s also an attack staff that causes tingling when I use it.  I’m not sure what this is.

So that’s the extent of what I’ve discovered about the game.  Looking over it, I think I’ve come up with a list of things that I need to survive on the lower levels.  Good armour is almost a necessity, as is a good weapon: a two-handed sword kills enemies much faster than any other kind of weapon.  A Gain Strength potion is needed, to restore any losses incurred by Giant Ants, or a Ring of Preserve Strength.  Healing potions are also handy, but it can be hard to build up a big store of them.  A Ring of Slow Digestion is an absolute must, as it gives you the luxury to linger on the mid-levels and build up your XP.  I suppose I could also hang about if I happen to have a run where I have over ten meals, which happened to me once. Finally, I think I need a bunch of items to help avoid the toughest monsters: scrolls of teleport, wands of light, and wands of polymorph are all handy for that.  Plus, of course, a few scrolls of Identify so I know what I’m carrying.

Potions of healing, a +3 mace, several options for fleeing and a Ring of See Invisible; this is a pretty good load-out

The smart thing would be for me to keep playing the early dungeon levels, and starting over if my character hasn’t put together a few of the items above.  It would probably save me some time, for sure.  I’m not going to do that just yet, because I’m still having fun just playing the game.  Eventually, though, I think I’ll have to do it in the interests of making some progress on the blog.  I know I spent a year on Moria and The Game of Dungeons, but I don’t want a repeat of those experiences.

And now, finally, I present to you my litany of failures, with a roll call of the adventurers who have perished in the Dungeons of Doom.

Kejakena got killed on level 13 by a Troll.

Nobody VI was killed on level 3 by a Giant Ant, which is a pretty unusual way to go.

Jack Manley made it all the way to level 18 before meeting a Xorn and getting pummeled to death.  As with all Jack Manley appearances on this blog, this is strictly non-canon as far as my novels are concerned.

Nobody VII was paralysed by a Floating Eye, which caused the game to hang.

Sparhawk was softened up by a procession of Centaurs and Quasits, and finally succumbed to a Zombie on level 7.

Robilar had a two-handed sword and two Rings of Increase Damage, but that didn’t stop a Troll on level 14 from eating him.

Nobody VIII and Nobody IX both got killed by Hobgoblins on level 1 of the dungeon.  The curse of the Nobody family strikes again.

Mordenkainen got cornered between two Centaurs on level 8.

Nobody X became a credit to his ancestors by making it all the way down to level 19 before being confused and killed by an Umber Hulk.  His many descendants will come to avenge him.

Tenser got cornered between two Centaurs on level 12, a common fate for characters with names taken from the original Greyhawk campaign it seems.

Kael got cornered between two Centaurs.  It was a good day for the Centaurs, that’s for sure.

Nobody XI failed to avenge his father by getting killed by a Hobgoblin on level 1.

Nobb died on level 14 because I held down the space bar to search for a secret door at the end of a tunnel.  I found one, but the Centaur behind it got a load of free hits and killed me.

Nobody XII was killed by a Zombie on level 8.

Nobody XIII was killed by a Centaur on level 8.

Bain got to level 19 with the inventory you see above, and a Strength of 18.  I was pretty hopeful, but it went wrong when I got confused by an Umber Hulk. I teleported away to escape, but while I was waiting out the confusion I was cornered by a Xorn.  You can still use items when confused, so I tried to last with healing potions until I could fight back, but it wasn’t enough.

That’s been 30 characters so far, with little signs of improvement.  Six of those deaths were on level 1, and six were on level 8: that ramp-up in difficulty that comes with the Centaurs has taken its toll.  After that, levels 14 and 16 have killed three adventurers each, levels 12 and 19 have claimed two, and a whole bunch of levels have claimed one.

It was worth a shot.

I’ll definitely keep plugging away at Rogue, but I don’t intend to make that the sole focus of the blog.  There’s good news on the Futurewar front, as the creator answered my message and has fixed the bug that was stopping me from descending.  I don’t want to play two long-running CRPGs with perma-death at the same time though, so I’m putting that on hold until I beat Rogue.  That makes my next game Space II, the sequel to sci-fi RPG/trading sim Space.  That should be a short one, and I’ll probably have a post on it up by Sunday.  I’ve also got a post lined up for the TRS-80 version of Temple of Apshai, so never fear: the content will keep on flowing.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/rogue-email-addresses-make-me-nervous-now/

[hellstate--rp-blog]

↪ b a s i c s ;

N A M E: Levi “Major” Wilson A G E: 38 P L A C E   O F   O R I G I N: Jackson, Wyoming G R O U P: Cheyenne State Capitol O C C U P A T I O N: Trader F C: Chris Pratt

❝ Fortune favors the brave, dude. ❞

↪ p e r s o n a l i t y ;

P O S I T I V E   T R A I T S: forthright ; moralistic N E G A T I V E   T R A I T S: neurotic ; pretentious

↪ b i o g r a p h y ;

L I F E   B E F O R E   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

The birth of a child should be celebrated simply because a new life has been brought into the world. For the Wilson family, their seventh and final child didn’t share the same excitement when he was brought into this world. Born precisely three minutes and forty-five seconds after his twin sister, Levi Wilson would forever bask in the shadow in his twin but also the six other children that came before him. Right from the start there wasn’t so much hope for someone like Levi to survive on his own and from an early age he proved to be someone with anger radiating from his being. This could’ve been attributed to his lack of many things. Not only in height but in academics. This led Levi to deal with a string of bullying not only from his peers at school but also his siblings at home.

Little did they know that Levi would eventually thrive in the shadow that cowered over him. Whether it was a late growth spurt or simply a miracle from the heaven’s above, Levi quickly proved that he was one smart cookie. Although his height seemed to never get the memo, his brain reached levels that left his family but also his teachers in a state of shock. It was staggering to know that the kid who failed every test in elementary school was now on the principal’s list in high school every single year. His triumphs in academics only furthered his capabilities of becoming something great but Levi had no idea what that “something” could be. Of course his ego prevented him from admitting that he was clueless to what the future had in store for him.

The relationship he shared with his family didn’t change when he proved to be “worthy” of the Wilson name. Although he had brought home academic trophies his father was far more interested in the basketball trophies his brothers and sisters had brought home instead. It was always a competition in the Wilson home. It forced the energy in the home to always be on edge and Levi could nearly cut the tension he had built with a pair of scissors. He thought he could’ve built a relationship with his twin, Ruby but that failed to be true from the very beginning. With his familial relationships on edge and his lack of friendship with his peers, Levi quickly accepting that no one would be there for him. Well, at least not in Wyoming.

Humbly declining his position as valedictorian, Levi packed his bags and headed over to Cambridge, Massachusetts where he would enroll into Massachusetts Institute of Technology. While is sister Ruby was flying across the country to follow a far-fetched dream that their parents could only focus on it was easy for Levi to escape into the night, catch a flight, and never return to Wyoming ever again. Levi’s years in college were undoubtedly the best years of his life. Even if he went through the motions without knowing what he wanted to become he quickly found a place where he would be accepted but more importantly recognized for what he could contribute to society. This is where Levi Wilson traded his name for the nickname that was bestowed upon him by his fellow classmates, Major.

L I F E   D U R I N G   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

Major graduated from M.I.T summa cum laude and immediately joined NASA’s program for young engineers. This wasn’t exactly what Major dreamed to pursue but it certainly tested his limits and only emphasized the potential that was buried inside him. He proved to be an important figure in NASA’s agenda and worked there for quite sometime. Major wasn’t miserable in his job but he knew he could’ve done something else with his life. To ensure his income he kept his job at NASA but he did dip his toes in fields that weren’t on his to-do list that NASA had provided for him. With the rumors of a viral infection swarming the nation, Major grew fascinated in the virus and the conspiracy theories that followed with it. It seemed to be a wild goose chase to pinpoint the exact manifestation of the virus but Major was set on finding what it was, what it could be, and how he could fix it.

While he occupied himself with his newfound hobby, NASA had transferred him from their headquarters in Washington, DC to a smaller unit located in Cheyenne, Wyoming where he would only further his project that he created exclusively for them but it was hard to focus on work when his “hobby” started to bleed into his work life and then his personal life, and then his life entirely. It didn’t occur to Major that the world was ending nor did it occur to him that the theories and the Creepypastas he read endlessly online were now coming true. Luckily for a conspiracy theorist, he was prepared for the worst but seeing such graphic truth in reality was a hard thing for Major to accept and it took a while for him to hold the barrel of a gun in the middle of someone’s head and pull the trigger. But it was also hard to accept that the family he had left in Jackson were probably enduring the same fate.

Even if the relationship he shared with his family was never strong or never something he wanted to fix, he knew he couldn’t leave them without answers when the world was fallen apart around him. He drove up to Jackson where he learned that his father was the first to be infected and his loyal wife was the second. His siblings had all disbanded and carried on with their respective lives, whereas Ruby his sister destined to be a starlet was washed up and now living in fear. Even if he wanted the satisfaction of telling her that he was right and he had actually become something he knew he couldn’t do that to her, after all, they were twins. Already knowing that Jackson wouldn’t be an ideal place to stay, Major was able to convince Ruby to return to Cheyenne with him.

L I F E   A F T E R   T H E   O U T B R E A K:

Living in Cheyenne was fine but when the opportunity to join a camp had come across the twins, they were at odds. Ruby had grown an interest in one camp while Major had grown interest in literally every other camp but that one. When Ruby became a raider, Major didn’t know how to take it. He thought that the end of the world exposed another side to his sister, one that he had never seen before. But once she took the side of the people Major watched take advantage of in the worst ways possible he couldn’t support that behavior. He nearly lost his life because of it but he doesn’t regret choosing the path he did.  Now, Major isn’t the most productive member of the camp he occupies nor is he the most social. The tattoos that riddle both his arms do depict the same flesh eating monsters that he runs from on a daily basis. But even if Major isn’t productive or social enough, he makes up for it in humor and in the ideas he brews in his head. He isn’t the most optimistic or the most cheerful but a conversation with him is never dull. He’s willing to bend over backwards for the people who sacrifice for him and oddly enough the apocalypse taught him the value of having a family.

However, Major lacks the conviction of being trustworthy. He fails to prove his value and tends to rely on impulse rather than action but more importantly, he seems to be more interested in the dead than the living. Major is incredibly fascinated in the ability to be revived into something so inhuman from something that was once human. He’s never had the opportunity to probe at an actual zombie but without a doubt you can catch him taking notes on the behavior and evolution of the walkers that consume Hellstate. Let’s just hope he doesn’t get himself eaten in the process.