#HANK SCHRADER / IC.

[agentschrader]

Do you collect rocks?

Christ. You sound just like my wife.

They’re minerals.

[glitterjumpropequeen]

12.19

woke up and watched Hank Schrader edits on tik tok

researched creator of Miffy and Maisy Mouse and thought about what a wonderful life a children's book illustrator must have

filled the ice trays as i plan to make three hard boiled eggs

[rejectedbad]

Rejected Bad: Freezer & Ladder

The following is a rejected script from an early season of Breaking Bad.

FADE IN:

EXT. JESSE'S HOUSE - DAY

Jesse is standing in front of his freezer, his tongue stuck to the ice. Meth Head, his Samoyed, circles around his legs, barking.

Jesse: "Meth Head, come on, man! Stop running around."

Meth Head keeps on barking, clearly thrilled with the situation.

Jesse: "Okay, okay. Calm down. Just let me figure this out."

He tries to pull his tongue off the ice, but with no success.

CUT TO:

INT. DEA HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Hank is standing in front of his desk, talking on the phone.

Hank: "Got it. Thanks for the tip, Gomez. I owe you one."

He hangs up, turns to his colleague, Steve.

Hank: "That was Gomez. The leader of the state's Meth Groupies will be in town this week. We're gonna strike while the iron is hot."

Steve: "Sounds good. What's the plan?"

Hank: "Walt's in on it, too. He'll be our inside man. We'll stage an ambush and slaughter them all. No more Meth Groupies in our territory."

Steve nods, impressed.

Steve: "Damn, Hank. You're getting as calculated as Heisenberg himself."

Hank: "Don't you dare compare me to him, I’m far too inferior. Anyway, let's get to work."

CUT TO:

INT. JESSE'S HOUSE - DAY

Jesse is still stuck to the ice, trying to figure out a solution.

Suddenly, his phone rings. He picks it up, his voice muffled by the ice.

Jesse: "H-Hello?"

Walt (through the phone): "Jesse, it's me. We need to talk."

Jesse (muttering): "Hold on, Mr. White. I'm kind of… busy."

Walt (concerned): "What's going on?"

Jesse sighs, then tells him about his tongue being stuck on the ice, and Meth Head being all over him.

Walt chuckles, amused beyond belief.

Walt: "I'm sorry to laugh, but that's hilarious. I'll be there in a minute."

CUT TO:

INT. DEA HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Hank and Steve are reviewing the plans for the ambush.

Hank: "We need to make sure we're in position before she arrives. We can't give them any chance to fight back."

Steve: "What about collateral damage? There could be innocent people around."

Hank: "We take that risk. If civilians are around before we strike, so be it."

Just then, Hank's phone rings. He picks it up.

Hank: "Schrader here."

Walt (through the phone): "Hank, it's Walt. I need to talk to you."

Hank (suspicious): "What is it?"

Walt (urgently): "It's about the Meth Groupies. I have some intel that could change everything."

Hank pauses, then nods to Steve.

Hank: "All right, Walt. Meet me in the parking lot in fifteen minutes."

CUT TO:

INT. JESSE'S HOUSE - DAY

Walt arrives at Jesse's house, finds him still stuck to the freezer.

Walt: "God, Jesse. You're such a child sometimes."

Jesse (annoyed): "Shut up, man. How's the ambush going?"

Walt: "That's what I need to talk to Hank about. I need you to come with me."

Jesse frowns, then tries to pull his tongue off again. Finally, Walt pours warm water over it and he succeeds, then goes to grab his jacket.

CUT TO:

EXT. DEA HEADQUARTERS - DAY

Hank is waiting for Walt, looking impatient.

Walt: "Hank, I have bad news. The intel I had was wrong. The Meth Groupies won't be coming this week."

Hank (disappointed): "What? How did we get that wrong?"

Walt (also disappointed): "I don't know. Maybe they got tipped off. I'm sorry, Hank."

Hank sighs, frustrated.

Hank: "All right. Let's regroup tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know, Walt."

As they're walking away, Jesse suddenly yelps in pain. Hank and Walt turn around to see him hopping on one leg.

Jesse: "Ow, ow, ow! It won't let go!"

The three men watch in horror as Jesse tries to shake a length of Meth Groupie made barbed wire off his leg..

FADE OUT.

[buglyknight]

132) My Two Best Friends Are Satan

It takes longer to hit me

But in the hotel room

Satan sits with us

My best friend

Lucifer Sam

Why do we have to walk with our legs, he asks us

Cuz when you don’t you can fit under the ottoman

And melt into it

And how much toilet paper do we have?

I tell him we have plenty

How do you know? He asks

With such ominous clarity

That I believe him with certainty

Mac Demarco plays us Blue Boy

And it reminds us of Spongebob

Hank Schrader is outside

The thin walls of anxiety collide

During the peak of the climb

Moving in circles

Following the rainbows

Bob Dylan dies with a snap

From the other Satan

My friend named Zach

At 10:37pm

And that’s that

Lucifer Sam says

Woah, are you telling me I am that?

Yes I am.

Lucifer Sam

Second Satan takes Frank Ocean too

He dies as we sit in the hotel room

At 12:45am he takes his life

And we feel no strife

Then Lucifer Sam turns the moon red

As he gives us Lettuce on the balcony

You trickster Satan, put the real moon back

Reverberating red and green is what I see

Then we trick Satan into giving us ice cream

And all go to bed as the sky is brightening

The next week Satan is there with us

Giving us a new kind of drug

That fills me with love

A burrito and horse visit us there

In a bed now covered in dog hair

And it feels good petting them

And kicking my legs

As we talk about our feelings

And that we love our friends

Drinking plenty of water

Looking out for each other

Learning things

About what has us bothered

I tell them about Halfpint

And how much I like him

And how after Love left

I was so despondent

How I’m probably still madly in love with them

How I was horrible to Loaf

How I hope she can cope

After dating such a joke

I tell them how I dream about holding his hands

How good it feels to be with him

How I want to be good to him

And they smile as they listen

As I tell them about my messages

I keep thanking them

Saying I love them

This is a good drug

As I lie down with a Horse-sized dog

We talk about suicide and sadness

How we need to survive through this chasm

How I’m scared to scare him off

Or show too much affection

But maybe it’s better to be corny, in reflection

Because at least he’ll know how much I like him

Hopefully he likes it

Reassuring him of my feelings

Grip his hand tightly

Holding it makes me feel ecstasy

It’s better than almost anything

I wake up the next day

Thankful for my friends

For lessening my pain

I’m going to see the Chopstick Champion today

And hold his raccoon hands

And, dude,

It’s pretty gay

[agentschrader]

You tell ‘em, Sky. Their argument made about as much sense as having a church at a whorehouse. I didn’t even know Walt enjoyed cooking that much.

And, Pinkman, I think you and I both know you have no business hanging around my family.

Mrs. White help!! Jesse and your husband are fighting!

I'll settle it.

@heisenbergthecook @yocapncook

What is the matter with you two!? This anon caught wind of your very public argument, and had to come to me for help! All because you two cannot seem to handle yourselves appropriately when something doesn't go your way. It's embarrassing, frankly, Walt. And it's going to stop. Now.

Both of you are going to meet, you're going to make eye contact, you're going to shake hands, and you're going to apologize. Am I clear, Jesse? Walter?

[spiderman616]

I live in the American Gardens Building on West 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I’m 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a Virtual Youtuber empire for over a year now and using me as his recruiter. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my Live2D knowledge to recruit talents, which he would then hire using his connections in the Japanese utaite world. Connections that he made through his career with Niconico. I was… astounded, I… I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was… thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride along, and showed me just how much money even a small indie channel could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin so I agreed. Every day, I think back at that moment with regret. I quickly realized that I was in way over my head, and Hank had a partner, a man named Motoaki "Yagoo" Tanigo, a businessman. Hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man, and when I tried to quit, Yagoo threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Yagoo had a falling out. From what I can gather, Hank was always pushing for a greater share of the business, to which Yagoo flatly refused to give him, and things escalated. Yagoo was able to arrange, uh I guess I guess you call it a "hit" on my brother-in-law, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured, and I wound up paying his medical bills which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge, working with a man named Riku Tazumi , he plotted to kill Yagoo, and did so. In fact, the bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen in the ranks to become the head of the Cover Corp, and about that time, to keep me in line, he took my children from me. For 3 months he kept them. My wife, who up until that point, had no idea of my vtubing activities, was horrified to learn what I had done, why Hank had taken our children. We were scared. I was in Hell, I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, to end this nightmare, and in response, he gave me this. I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. I… All I could think to do was to make this video in hope that the world will finally see this man, for what he really is.

[onbreekbaar]

Thx @joelsweet for tagging me!

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better or just because you feel it. (I don't even have 9 mutuals! Shit!!!!)

Relationship status: Single. And I guess I'll never find my perfect guy... 🤷‍♀️

Favorite colors: Grey, yellow and orange. 🤘

Lipstick or chapstick: Lipstick! Definitely! I love it. (But it also accentuates my resting bitch face...)

Last song I listened to: Star Fighter by Wice.⚡️⚡️⚡️

Last Movie I watched: Murder on the Orient Express (the 2017 remake). Amazing movie.

Top 3 TV shows: Breaking Bad, Yuri in Ice and Attack on Titan.

Top 3 characters: Hank Schrader, Yuri Plisetsky and Levi Ackerman.👌

Top 3 Bands: Dance with the Dead, Lost Years and VHS Dreams (I love 80's synth music soooo much)

Books I’m reading: Just a shitload of Yuri on Ice fanfics and some awful literature book about a guy with a boat kink or something... (my teacher LOVES IT)

Again, I don't have 9 mutuals... So, yeah.

[agentschrader]

Probably can’t share stuff with the public but how much do u know about heisenberg? Any public info u can give us?

You’re right. Because this is an ongoing investigation, a lot of information is DEA-contained.

However, on account of public safety and concern, there’s a few leads that are considered “open for tips.” Leads are still being followed for the following.

We’re looking for the owner of this gas mask found months ago out in the sticks. The mask is currently considered stolen property from J.P. Wynne. All people who had access at the time of the crime were talked to.

And we’re looking for any tips on these two individuals here. The suspects in the photo were caught on security cameras at the chemical plant, Southwest Aniline. It’s suspected they’re heavily involved in our investigation.

If you have any information on either of these leads, please call or submit a form to our ABQ tip line or email me directly.

[agentschrader]

hank it's pride month, that means gay meth is gonna be a for the next 30 days. But you can't arrest anyone for it because queer people are immune from the laws from June first to July first.

Anyway have fun

Sorry, amigos. The DEA doesn’t care who you do the horizontal Hokey Pokey with. A junkie is a junkie. And the people who create the stuff are no better.

But we’ll wish you a happy pride on the way to jail.

[agentschrader]

dont you go to gay clubs(??? like that time you got sucked on one by a drag queen (i think)

Marie, if you’re ever seeing this, I definitely didn’t do this. And if I had, it ain’t from someone in drag.

A long time ago, I was at a bar called the The Ivory Swallow, and I had a romantic connection with a fine young woman called Joan. Sure, there was fruity music playing and I was a bit drunk, but it was a woman.

Or it would have been if I had done that, which I didn’t. Because I love my wife.

[agentschrader]

Any closer to catching Heisenberg? The streets are running with blue sky!

Not yet, but we did get a tip about this guy wearing some past-his-prime hat. But one crime at a time, right?

Really, investigations are mostly kept private. But I assure you the DEA is on every tip and trail until we catch this bastard.

[agentschrader]

found badger

Way ahead of you, anon.

@badgersblog-yo Your friends at the DEA have been trying to reach you, Mr. Mayhew, and you so conveniently don’t answer your phone but spend time here blabbing. We just have a couple questions. It’d be wise to come see us.

[agentschrader]

Where you at, Hank? We miss ur rants on minerals.

And I miss ranting too. Been too busy at work.

There’s just a big case going on right now, and it’s put a lot of stress on the department. I’m working on catching the guy behind it, but it’s taking longer than expected. That’s all.

Rest assured, I’m going to catch the bastard. In the meantime, anyone who knows anything about a certain blue drug, please let us know.

We’ve got it under control though. And we’re taking necessary steps.

[agentschrader]

blue sky goes crazy idk what youre worried abt

If by “goes crazy,” you mean “makes you go crazy,” then yes it does.

ABQ, my city, is being taken over by some hot shot egoist who thinks they can outrun the law. Break the system. Flout the rules.

Not for long. Stay off the blue, anon.

[agentschrader]

Sup ASAC Scraider 🤓 so you're like alive and shit?

That’s Schrader, sweetheart.

And last I checked, I was. I’ll let you know if anything changes.

[agentschrader]

Figured I’d create one of these. Let’s talk Schraderbräu and minerals. Any tips for ongoing DEA investigations will be appreciated.