#HAHAHAHA.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
pastelchosen:
“Hey, if anyone’s gonna be the embarrassing parent, it’s gonna be me.” He snorts. “Honestly, not going to lie to you… I died a little inside just saying it. Never let me do that again.” @pastelchosen
"For the hundredth time, you are younger than me, by a lot. You're never going to fill that role, pops. " Much as it started as a joke, the name was kind of starting to stick. "Hey. I am not your mother. Your embarrassing actions are entirely your own."
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hard to tell how indicative the bones on the floor are of anything about the catacombs themselves being how, every few minutes, Pix kills another skeleton adding to the collection. He swipes his sword through the one before him, and it collapses so readily into a pile of bone—like it was made to, like it was just waiting on his sword—that he has to wonder, not for the first time, what was holding it together to begin with. The bones rattle and clatter against those already littered around, and Pix sighs at the further disturbance to the scene as it was when he had entered; accounting for the damage likely done by mobs was going to make this hell to study.
He grabs another torch and sets it inside one of the empty sconces that still adorn the walls, readjusts his grip on his sword—he can hear more lingering around the next corner; the low hiss that means a spider is near, the groan or two of a zombie.
Pix picks up a chunk of cobble from the ground and tosses it down the hall, waits. Sure enough, out scuttles a spider. He disposes of it quickly enough, but it seems he’ll have to venture down the dark hall to goad the zombies. He glances at the clock he placed in his hotbar before embarking on this mission (it’s hard to tell how much time passes underground—something he learned quickly in his line of work). There’s still a good amount of daylight left, and he wants the catacombs cleared; he has other projects he has to move on to, things he needs to finish; he’ll just get through a few more halls—it won’t be an issue, surely.
But the new corner he rounds remains dark even as he places a torch behind him to mark the way back. The groans can still be heard, but a zombie is yet to lumber his way, and so he has to wonder what's beyond his admittedly limited sight. Pix shuffles another foot or so forward, a torch in his non-dominant hand now as well, hoping for light, for vision. The research part of him—the logical academic—knows that it shouldn't still be this dark with the torches placed behind him nor the one in his hand, and that part is so much louder and more important than the one that knows this means something is wrong, the part that says turn around.
The torch is lit, he can feel the heat of the flame as he observes it flicker in and out but cast no shadow on the wall behind—a wall Pix can’t even see but knows is there all the same. The circle of light provided extends no further than an inch or two out from the flame itself—comparable more to that of a birthday candle than a lit hand torch. If he hadn’t been staring directly at it, he would’ve assumed the fire snuffed out.
He feels his eye twitch and his brows furrow. Academia liked concrete answers, things that could be explained and reasoned away—unequivocal proof. But Pix had always had a soft spot for the inexplicable, the ineffable. It was nice when he studied something and found an answer, it was riveting when he didn’t. How much more exciting to study it again and again, a riddle that begged not to be solved. (How much sweeter the prize if he were the one to figure it out in the end).
His interest was piqued. He could feel it, the way his attention focused and his surroundings blurred and left him; his body on standby, his sword hand lowered almost subconsciously.
In other words, it was entirely his own fault when the zombie grabbed him. Panic is never a good thing to welcome into a fight, but it likes to show up uninvited anyway. Pix's entire career revolves around studying human behavior, about how human nature cannot be fought against though it oft leads us to our own downfall and ruin. He finds it uncanny when he's reminded that this is a phenomenon from which he is not exempt.
In haste, he elbows the zombie behind him and turns, back now to the darkness—the one not even his torch could dent. It’s an ugly bugger, eyes soft and misshapen from decay and skin so leathery it’s as if it's been treated and is ready for use as a saddle or armor. Logic replaced by horror, before he can run it through it advances, arms out, and Pix drops his sword to reach back, holding it at arm's length itself; their arms interlocked, pose not unlike meeting an old friend again for the first time in a while. His hands grip the woven fabric of what's left of its shirt, too old and worn to be from any time close to recent, and, despite the very real danger, his mind takes the time to process the period-accurate fabric, the hand-stitched design. He blanches again as he looks into its horrible milky eyes—this zombie was from the capital.
Not sentient enough to know why it’s not actually getting any closer to Pixlriffs, the zombie makes a noise that sounds frighteningly human in its frustration and steps forward, and in his distraction, Pix lets it. The push seems to make his brain function yet again, and he shoves the zombie backward a good few paces away, but the momentum sends him stepping back himself, and his foot finds not purchase but, instead, the disturbing lack of solid ground, and with nothing left to do, he falls.
He hits the ground with a thump and a crack and a lot of other sounds he would rather not describe as he feels they were likely very undignified. Winded but, it appears, still in one piece, he grabs another torch and strikes it against the wall, holding it up above him when it lights and shines this time as torches normally do. He buries the part of himself that is disappointed at this—the part that wants to panic and complain finally louder, now, than the part that says hmm.
He didn’t fall too far, it seems. Now that the torch is lit he can see the gap he’d fallen through, just under a dozen feet or so above where he lays. It's obvious even looking from below how the stone floor had crumbled away, taking maybe one or two hits too many over time from overcrowded mobs or shifts in terrain or pressure aboveground. He tilts his head back but sees only another dead end behind him, and ahead looks like a further, deeper hall of the tomb he hadn’t uncovered yet, though the path is obstructed by debris from above; a net of spiderweb blankets the pile of stone and dirt, but no spider seems to be left guarding the web.
His friend above seems to have lost interest now that he’s fallen out of sight, and its moans and groans get further away by the second.
No immediate threat, Pix lets his head fall back onto the ground and takes a breath. He knew the crypt would be full of mobs, he knew it’d be hard, but still…
No, it’s worth it. It will be worth it. He has a job to do.
At least he isn’t defenseless—it’s more than he can say for the dungeons. Not a weapon to his name, fists wrapped in tape so red you’d never believe it’d been white to begin with; knuckles so raw and scraped and beaten by the time he’d made it out that they’d scarred that way—permanent marks of the fighter he was, of the fighter he’d proved to be.
There was a fear there, too, at that very real and physical understanding of permanence. His studies proved expert in providing examples of what was permanent and what wasn’t, and where people weren’t, things were. He’d spent enough time studying what could be learned about a person by the things they left behind to begin to wonder if anyone at all would’ve remembered him if he’d died in those dungeons—not a singular weapon or item for him to leave behind and tell his story.
Pix stops wallowing. He sits up and reaches over his shoulder for his pick; he isn’t shocked to find that the shaft had snapped in two from the fall, it having been strapped to his back. He sighs, tossing it aside as useless. He’ll make another.
He takes the time to remind himself again that he knew it was going to be difficult, and that difficulty was no reason to not continue. But it didn’t just feel difficult it felt…inhibiting. Dissuading, deterring, impeding. It felt deliberate. It felt like, stay out; like, we don’t want you here; like, leave us to our rest.
(it wasn’t, it was something far more sinister. An idea he’d never thought to consider; like a torch was giving off too-little light in the hallway of a dark, long-forgotten crypt, he couldn’t see any farther than what was right in front of his own face. How cliche it’d be, in the end, when it came to pass—the academic too invested in their own research, too dismissive of the present danger posed until it consumed them. He’d have a moment to laugh about it later, when the dread had settled in and all options—or lack thereof—exhausted. While on the topic of permanence…
It was not go away that the tomb was saying, not a driving force out that was being enacted upon the archeologist, but a more frightening call of stay. A threatening but desperate find…become…join…
No, if it were trying to keep him out, why would it keep pushing him deeper? Add this to the list of things he’d realize too late.)
He stands and dusts himself off. The wall is thick and overgrown with glow lichen, and he grabs the nearest vines and tugs one, twice, three times before deciding it won't give and hoisting up. It takes a few minutes and a fair amount of huffing and puffing to get himself to the top and over the edge but he does it, collapsing on higher ground once again and taking a minute to slow his pulse. When he left the dungeons, he dove back into the studies he’d been missing and decided he’d had enough fighting to last a lifetime—this was not without consequence, he’s not nearly as in shape as he used to be.
His sword is still on the ground where he’d dropped it, so he reequips and readies himself to push his way back out; he’d have to make time to come back and clear the rest another day. He would be back, and he hoped he would be welcomed.
“I don’t mean to disturb you,” he says into the quiet blackness of the catacombs. He doesn't dare speak above a whisper, for there were still mobs around and his voice carried enough as it was, bouncing along the empty stone and quiet graves. “I'd like to tell your story.”
There's nothing to hear but for the scuttling of various creatures far off in the dark, the shrill whistle of stray wind through small openings and holes. He raises his voice only slightly, a bit bolder. “Don’t you want me to do that? Will—would you allow me to do that?”
Silence, and then—the rattle and clatter of a skeleton. It sounds like only one; he lit everything up pretty well on his way in, getting out should be easier. Striking another torch against the wall, Pix prepares to go. For a second, the light is brighter than it should be, its circle of light illuminating the hall completely, the hole he’d fallen into, the distance to the other side. He leans back to avoid the heat of the flame, and he sees it.
The other side of the cave-in leads not to another tunnel but to an alcove, and empty it is not. His torch, though many feet away, sheds light on the scene; the heavily wax-encrusted stone above a pile of used candles and burnt wicks, the coin and other offerings of gold overflowing from bowls and chalices and any other orifice they could be piled upon, and her.
He recognizes her immediately. The tapestry covers the majority of the wall, and though it's faded for certain, the lack of direct sunlight has done wonders at preserving what it could. The colors are familiar to his research, the subtle and light greens under warm oranges and yellows. He’s too far, he cannot see any detail; the background, what she's holding, her face—but he knows her. She’s their patron.
The skeleton wanders closer, its bones clicking and clacking down the hall. Pix swallows.
“I’ll return for you, I will.” It’s a promise. She’s holding a secret, he knows she is—he’s going to figure out what. Pix turns just in time to face the skeleton as it rounds the corner, and soon its bones join those on the floor, new and old alike.
His words still echo off the caverns and crevices of the catacombs after he's left and gone, and though not possible to have been heard by human ears, the crypt whispers back good.
~-~-~-~
Far below even the hole the archeologist had fallen in, leagues underneath the surface of the earth, buried perhaps the furthest underground of anything left behind from the ancient capital—so deeply you’d have to wonder if maybe it was done on purpose—the crown sits in a chest, waiting patiently to be discovered. It’s not a matter of if, but a nice decisive and quiet when. Eventually, the echo of the archeologists' words falls upon it where it sits, and slowly it begins to emit a soft glow. It says stay, it says find, it says become, it says join.
It says soon.
#me when i dont write anything for almost an entire month and then inexplicably come back with 2000 words of pixlriffs fanficiton#all of which is completely self-indulgent#if you couldn't tell by tags on my recent reblogs and by this hey im doing so bad about pix being fucking dead and all#the blind academic...to be so invested in your work that it consumes you...#to disregard danger for the sake of being so close to what you believe is an answer#he studied the past so hard that he became it#hahahaha.#good thing he enjoys his work#because now he can never leave.#okay sorry not to write a 2000 word fic and then also write like another 300 in the tags#but also its mY POST!! GET OFF MY LAWN!! IM ALLOWED TO DO THAT! WAH IM SAD!#last thing but i have so much more to say about pixs background being his weaponless playthrough of mc dungeons. so.#someone talk to me about this /please#i lied. new last thing. now that this is out of my head :) hey :) all my fic planning is done im gonna start writing sentinel species#worm writes#empires smp#empires smp fic#empires smp fanfic#pixlriffs#pixlriffs fic#empires season 2#esmp season 2
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
need me a prince or a princess to come save me from the chains. and then we MAKE OUT LIKE IN THE MOVIES
#shitpost#haha#hahaha.#hahaha#HAHAHAHA.#someone help me please#oml#if i see#mfs talking#about their relationships#and how#healthy#they are#im killing everyone#!!!!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
We cannot have nice things here
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I admit it surprises me that V can have Griffon perch on his arm with so much ease, considering how damn heavy he probably is -- but, I respect it.
#chickies that are his size aren't exactly lightweight.#there's also those big claws to consider.#THEN AGAIN Griffon isn't just any other bird either.#he's a demon so.#perhaps that has something to do with it ~#and perhaps I'm just thinking too hard about silly things again.#:B#❝ 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔲𝔯𝔱𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔣𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔰! ╏ ooc. ╏#edit: on second thought uhm#I've had skinny boys like V also lift me up easily.#appearances can be deceiving.#hahahaha.
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
⚠️ a text meant for someone else.
TEXTS. @tahitiwoke.
To: Christopher. To: Phil Coulson. I really don't think we all need to be present for it. Yourself included. And I'm sure Phil has better things to do.
#tahitiwoke#iii. verse: secondary: i don't think there's anything i wouldn't do anymore. / presidency alt.#hahahaha.#kicks phil out of the Death Threat Meetings#take a few days off pal#chill pill#post murder perhaps
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
@lone-moondrinker
Ammonite Footwear by Zhen Wang
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
25K notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool
#danny phantom#danny fenton#sam manson#theres some ocs#college au#sam’s goth book club#i feel like she’d make a lot of good friends at a college#the trio has a highly rehearsed excuse for danny being weird#nobody has any idea what ecto-contamination is bc it doesn’t exist#ghosts are common-ish knowledge by now and amity is the known epicenter#stranger: holy shit your hand just went through that wall#danny: yeah it’s a medical condition :(#fentonworks is in on it too#for credibility#too bad the goths wanted vampires#moving to a new city did wonders for dannys popularity though#he’s got a lot he’s hiding so he can’t really take advantage#he probably knows more people number wise#but has less friends than sam#Tucker has a thriving social media life#but doesn’t get out much#hence that technus comic#can’t believe I finished this#lit took a whole ass week#hahahaha
21K notes
·
View notes
Text
Yeah. I like 86 for reasons.
1 note
·
View note
Text
Alligator tears 🦌 🥲
The beauty of the pumpkin head joke is that the true joke is TELLING the joke to people.
For those who don’t know it, this is the joke:
A man with a pumpkin for a head walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims: “My god, I’m sorry, but WHAT happened to your head?”
The man sighs and says, “So I found a genie in a bottle who granted me three wishes…”
Bartender: “Ok, well what were the wishes?”
Man: “Well, my 1st wish was for 100 million dollars. AND I GOT IT!!”
Bartender: “WOW! Okay…what was the 2nd wish?”
Man: “For the 2nd wish, I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world to fall in love with me…AND I GOT THAT TOO!”
Bartender: “Incredible! So then…what was the 3rd wish?”
Man: “Now see…that’s where I really messed up…
I asked for a giant pumpkin head”
#trust me if you tell the joke to someone#you will understand why it is so funny hahahaha#or you’ll think I’m crazy#BUT WHATEVER HAHAHA#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin hotel fanart#my doods#charlie morningstar#Vaggie#angel dust
11K notes
·
View notes
Text
dumb lil yuu doodles 🍊
#twisted wonderland#twst#ツイステ#ツイステッドワンダーランド#mmarts#twst oc#ace trappola#fellow honest#twst yuu#uh#im not gonna tag the others theyre so small lol#ramshackle dorm#tHEY ARE RAMSHACKLE TO MEEEEeeeeeee#every halloween we grow stronger lol also ghost uncles#aceyuu#yeah hahahaha#uhm#treyuu#yeah i guess ww#skully j graves
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
There is a huge hole in the market for sexy videos of nerds doing your taxes apparently.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin vox#valentino hazbin hotel#staticmoth#voxval#vox personal assistant#reuploand cos Irendered it with reference the first time hahahaha RIP
8K notes
·
View notes
Text
something about Hephaestus saying "you're a good kid, Annabeth" really stands out to me. he didn't point out the very obvious about her, like her intellect and interest in his creations, or her hubris in thinking she could dismantle the chair. he said that she's a good kid. because Hephaestus was mistreated by the gods. because Annabeth was shunned by Athena. because he believes that gods shouldn't treat their own children like that and he wants to be better. because he knows how much it means to a little girl who's fought for approval from her own mother her whole life, whose father neglected her. because he wants to break the cycle. don't touch me
#i love him already#can't wait to see more of him#although I fear it might only be in s3#with Bianca#ahahaha#hahahaha#annabeth chase#leah sava jeffries#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo tv show#pjo tv spoilers#isoceratops
17K notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve seen people drawing life series members in the Arcane art style and I wanted to give it a shot, so here’s Jizzie! It was a really fun exercise—who should I do next?
#ldshadowlady#smallishbeans#trafficblr#joel smallishbeans#lizzie ldshadowlady#jizzie#arcane#life series#ldshadowlady fanart#smallishbeans fanart#mcyt#mcyt fanart#mcytblr#floweroflaurelin art#this was harder than I expected but I feel like I did a really good job hahahaha
3K notes
·
View notes