#Gud Ness

[sorateien]

Have a great day every1

[gravegrime]

Yo thanks for the tag, @digitalsatyr23! I'm not tagging anyone so this line dies with ME

Last song: The Milk Carton by Madilyn Mei

Fav color: Gotta hand it to purple. That dudes always got my back.

Last tv show/movie: Anastasia (is purdy gud)

Spicy/sweet/savory?: I'm a savory man who enjoys a bit of spice from time to time

Last game: Medieval Dynasty (gotta go back to it at some point lol)

Last thing I googled: "Lock Ness Monster" couldn't for the life of me remember what dinosaur it was supposed to be. It's a plesiosaur btw lol

[west-of-miskatonic]

OH EM SQUEE WUTTTTTT *total shock*

THIS IS SO GUD...the colors.....and the moody-ness. And they look so cute

TYSM?!?!!!!

fanart of @west-of-miskatonic 's zombie apocalypse au!! (im so sorry that this took so long, I originally planned on making two drawings for it, but I lost the motivation😔‼️‼️)

(check out their art not even kidding its so GOODD /gen)

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 185

Clip Show

“Clip Show”

Plot Description: as the third trial nears, Sam and Dean reunite with Castiel. They stumble upon an undiscovered film, which could be the key to the third trial

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I…think so? The only supernatural being I’ve ever encountered was the ghost cat from my old house. I’m not sure if whatever’s going on here is targeting people who’ve previously had supernatural shit happen to them OR been saved by the Winchesters, but either way I think I’m okay

Poor Dean having to take care of these two.

Or……..he’s just taking care of Sam. Awkward.

Man. I’m such a Castiel apologist. Sam’s on my side here. Thank you, Sammmmm. Lighten up. He got fuckin shot

Oh shit. I forgot about the dungeon in the Men of Letters bunker

Omggggg. First, the immediate casual-ness with which Sam starts referencing their new found dungeon and then Cas asking “your what?”

Omgggg, Dean. You should listen to Cas. The switch in Latin is PROBABLY IMPORTANT

That’s such a cruel “get better.” That wasn’t a “I hope you feel better/heal soon” it’s a “get gud” one. A “be a better person” one. I’m so mad at Dean. Be nicer to Cas!!

Is…is this an apology gift? Beer? Jerky? Porn? Pie? It sure looks like an apology gift for Dean…and then some toilet paper for good measure

I don’t know who I trust less: Naomi or Metatron. I feel like he’s playing Castiel. OMG HE WANTS TO SEAL HEAVEN.

What is it with angels craving crepes? First Aziraphael now Metatron?

Oh holy shit. Dude actually cures a demon…how’s Sam’s blood gonna cure a demon??

Omg…Metatron IS playing Cas like a fucking fiddle. And part of me is wondering if he’s even leading Cas to close off Heaven or if that’s a cover.

Oh, stitched back together Abbadon is even hotter…ugh, except for how she’s treated. I forgot how awful they are to her (both the boys and the writers)

Oh but she is crafty. I LIKE her. Not giving her her hands back didn’t stop them from being part of her, and wouldn’t keep them from being animated, and couldn’t stop her from digging the bullet with the devil’s trap on it out of her skull

Ok, so whatever it is IS going after people the boys have helped. So, yeah, I WOULD survive

Crowley is PERSONALLY going after the people they’ve helped til they get him the demon tablet and stop the trials. I also love that he’s read the supernatural books

Cas please don’t. Don’t do it. Don’t rip out this poor girl’s heart. She doesn’t deserve it…well, guess THOSE trials are starting now

(I lost some notes because tumblr fucked up but it’s fine I’ll…write what I remember)

She would have LIVED if they’d smashed the phone Crowley had called earlier?? That’s where the hex bag was??

What a fun change from the beginning of the ep when Dean had zero doubts Sam was gonna finish the trials…now, Sam wants to take Crowley’s deal

[artnerd1123]

A collection of Skylar related doodles!!! With plenty of nervous/happy parents included ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[dontnessw-me]

     Don’t mind him. He looks pissed like that because he’s been smashed by a certain someone...

[repeatsfate]

"A roller? How pathetic."

“A charger? How pretentious.”

   Perhaps talking back to one of the most skilled snipers this side of Inkopolis isn’t the best idea when she’s still so new to the Turf War scene, but by Judd is this guy snobby! Araceli frowns, shifting her grip on the roller in question ( a Carbon Roller that had been a bit more than expensive than she cares to admit ) and wonders to herself whether every squid affiliated with Nohr or Hoshido is this full of themselves. 

“But think what you want– It just means proving you wrong’s gonna be like, ten times more satisfying.”

[epikulupu]

*skibbles you* hab gud day

thank uuuu ! all my muscles are so ouch today because of my virus ness but. oogb

[shnowbilicat]

Human Abathur and Human Anub'Arak

------------------------------------------------------------------

While playing Heroes of the Storm I got the idea of drawing my main Heroes as humans! Cuz apparently I only play monsterns and creatures and aliens X'D

I decided to start with Abathur, cuz he has been on mind about this since I got the idea aaaand I love myself sum hoods and dark characters :'3

You guys have no idea how much time I spend on Abathur's and Anub'Arak's Wiki pages just reading through ther bios and what not X'D

Down below is more information if ya wanna check it out but tl;dr I adore these two and I lowkey ship them too huehuehue~ ewe

So to keep it short and simple, Abathur is the 'Evolution Master' of the Zerg's, aka he's the guy you go to for upgrades in game ... and that's basically his whole character!

Abathur is pretty much obsessed with evolving his race into more efficient deadlier creatures, even going so far as intentionally trying to wage war against the other races in Starcraft and going against the wishes of the new queen Zerg. He knows perfection is impossible, but he can at least try to get very close to it.

This also reflects in his mannerisms and speech; he speaks just using the most important words, everything else is a waste of time. He even explicitly says he dislikes using pronouns X'D

He's not a fighter, in HOTS he's a support character that specializes in enhancing his teammates to the max, while he sits somewhere hidden.

He's a calm and collected guy, but thanks to the Blizzard charme some of his in game actions and voicelines to reveal a silly side of the character ... which I intend on using 100% ewe

As a human, Abathur still has his rather calm and collected personality, but spiced up with a straight forward approach to others and a little bit of snark as well! He likes to kidnap his teammates into his lab to do experiments on and try to improve them.

Speaking of his lab, instead of the fleshy, boney style the Zerg have going on, in this AU Zerg's have something called 'BioTech', a technology that runs on Zerg essence to function, being alive to an extend too. Fluids, pods and pipes everywhere, dark and black colors and harsh metal machines that are spiky and everything is about in the same style like Abathur's stingers (See reference picture above thxx)

Abathur is basically the crazy scientist in this Human AU and Zagara (The current Zerg queen), Dehaka, Artanis and Anub'Arak have to put up with his antics while spending time with each other cuz idk the Nexus either forced them to or the Zerg's rescued Artanis and Anub'Arak from their death and they owe the Zergs something idk X'D

Anub'Arak is a character from Warcraft and if I read it correctly Anub was once I proud King of a land called Narub. After daring to stand against the Lich King he sadly died, but got resurrected as an undead by said Lich King to serve as an unstopable force of nature.

As far as I understood it Anub did die at least once more and yet again brought back to life, now serving another Lich King. He even killed his own people while serving the Lich King, against his own will of course.

I personally only got to play Warcraft 3 as a small child and always went with Anub as my Hero character cuz ... giant beetle go brrr ewe

And's what he is in game too! A tanky power machine and poops out bbys now and again pfft X'D

Even with his brainwash, Anub is a proud and strong character personality vise. He's a proud Nerubian and King and even though I sadly haven't seen a lot about his personality on wikis, his voice lines are funny and quirky and URGH luv him <33

While thinking of a Human Abathur design and already imagining funny situations Anub has to go through while living with the Zerg's I started to brainstorm Anub's design ... which was difficult af :'3

Anub is a giant beetle monster and pharaoh inspired. Love the concept to death, but making it into a more modern-ish aestheticly pleasing design that doesn't go overboard, easy to draw and still looks coolio was tough ...

I spend some time googling pharaoh costumes and even looked up what modern egyptians would probably wear and it gave me the confidence to try some things out! I decided to go with what comes to my mind first and it worked out well! Though I had difficulty deciding on the color shades as Anub has surprisingly a lot of details and colors, but I'm happy with what I decided for now.

Espacially his hair and skin. I wanted him to have deep purple hair and darker skin, cuz he's basically an egyptian mummy and I wanted to try myself on darker skinned characters ... he's so handsome I'm literally having a crush on him qwq

Anub in this AU is picking up on his personality in game; proud, strong, calm, a good sense of humor and a small dislike for Abathur; in a voice line when Anub'Arak would kill an Abathur he says 'I eat worms like you for breakfast' sooo I like taking that as a nice relationship starter for the two ewe

Of course Abathur is intrigued by Anub's undead-ness and always bugs the Nerubian for experiments and samples of his blood and what not.

In battle Anub mostly either uses scythes or gloves that resemble his ingame claws. He of course can also summon small beetles to aid him in battle and even creat two pairs of beetle wings under his cape and his skirt for better mobility and flight. He can also use his bandages to wrap people up in place (Compared to his nets and cocoons in game) and under his bandages he bares his scars for his fight against the Lich King.

I really adore him, both because I kinda grew up with him and his design, he and Abathur are now my bbys and I adore and love them so so much qWq

I do plan on creating Dehaka, Zagara and Artanis in the future hopefully, but I just wanted to upload my two favs cuz I love them already and mmmmgh they so gud :'33

[nightshadowhawk]

rating ninjago seasons with explanations because i was bored (spoilers obvs)

way of the ninja: 6/10 - i remember watching this ages and ages ago, to me they were just filler episodes to me as i’d watched all the way to rebooted at that point, not super interesting but it started everything so extra points for that

rise of the snakes: 5/10 - YES its old i know but the… the GD attack should have caused more chaos… destroyed more stuff… it only moved a couple cars in this season (which entirely changes in SoG with harumi’s flashbacks) which i thought was … weird, even when i was younger lol… but theres development of characters n all i think a lot of it is rad !

legacy of the green ninja: 6/10 - pretty good, i haven’t watched this in a while so i dont remember much but the end battle is Legendary so there’s extra points for that and also extra points for dareth being introduced hee hee

rebooted: 6/10 - the whole overlord and nindroids thing is … pretty cool ?? pixal and cyrus exist now so !!!! that adds points !!! when i was younger i remember watching zanes sacrifice a lot cuz i couldnt get over it, and now i can recite all the words off by heart … lol anyway i think this seasons ok 👍

tournament of elements: 8/10 - very good, i loved seeing the other elemental masters !!!! and chen is actually a very cool villain, especially when i was younger, i loved him then lol … the ending is kinda 😟 bc garmy technically dies but yea its a gud season C:

possession: 10/10 - this season is EVERYTHING???? the intro SLAPS, the whole aesthetic is incredible and not to mention theres a whole bunch of favourite characters content in this season so that adds extra points !!!! the story all flows smoothly and its just Mmmm so gud. i love it dearly, defo a comfort season i’ve watched it so many times

skybound: 7/10 - i can see why some people hate this season as the whole nadakhan marrying nya thing is VERY weird (even my cousin who was 6 at the time when we first watched it could tell that) … but theres extra points for 1. the whole misfortunes keep crew, i love them, and 2. the ninja replacements team, i also care them all so dearly … the lighting in this season is super good, and also the storyline threads together well, i just find it very Appealing how it goes back to how it started

hands of time: 4/10 - idk man its just … boring, i can’t really be interested enough to watch to the end of the season? extra points for acronix being pretty and the scruff moments tho lol…. also whats with more snake people …. cant be ninjago without snakes ig LMAO

day of the departed: 5/10 - i also just see this as a filler… i mean yes it tells how cole turned back from a ghost but otherwise it’s just kinda random but i still liked it

sons of garmadon: 7/10 - pretty good ! harumi is a very cool character tho i do think shes kinda selfish … like a lot of others probably lost family in the GD attack??? kind of confused … but the SoG group as a whole is VERY epic i love the designs for UV and mr E (killows design just throws me off tho… why Real Hands..)

hunted: 10/10 - SO damn good the storyline is EVERYTHING and i love how it switches POVs every so often to keep things on edge. its also pretty dark for a kids show and that makes it better, and the cinematics for this are all just AMAZING…. i care the dragon designs so much, mmmmmmmmmm beloveds :^)

march of the oni: 6/10 - wasted!!!!! potential!!!!! the oni were such a good show of fantastic character design and they were just….. taken out in like 5 seconds despite them literally being the embodiment of destruction? there was literally two seasons before this of the ninja dealing with one (1) embodiment of destruction and then when theres LOADS that make tentacle death clouds and are super OP they just … are defeated????? ok…… also what was the point in coles fall fr it just made me sad for no reason🙁

secrets of forbidden spinjitzu: 6/10 - the fire chapter was … cool ? i guess, wasn’t the most interesting, aspheera is hot tho lol😝(LITERALLY !!!!! Funny joke pls laugh.)also clutch being introduced adds points, love the stupid explorer man. the ice chapter is super dark, i loved seeing the never-realm and how everything worked there, and ?? evil zane ?!??!? sheeeeeesh that was a bold move that was super epic … i liked this part of the season :^0

prime empire: 10/10 - another comfort season YEAHHHHH !!!! the aesthetic !! so good !!! the characters r RAD like scott and okino and seven I LOVE THEM SO DEARLY ….. the soundtrack is RAD as well i listen to it plentifully …… the ending is happysad and i always go a bit cry when unagami and milton walk away together :’^)

master of the mountain: 8/10 - the whole slavery thing is … questionable but the skull sorcerer’s design is super awesome ! and the upply … i care them … :^)))) AND A COLE SEASON !!!! i loved the development for him !!! and the way that vania and cole stayed a friendship the whole time cuz it never implied they were gonna date or whatever which made me happy honestly … i rated it 8/10 as the extra points are from the upply

the island: shit/10 - what the fuck was that. the islanders were cool i liked their designs but seriously i hated the ending so bad like there was no reason for ronin to be the antagonist again … just let clutch steal the amulet and there you have it all set up for the next season whoooo

seabound: 9/10 - again i love the aesthetic, the glowy-ness of everything is so pretty in this, and the design for wojira is amazing … tho this season is super sad, im sure theres reasoning for the ending of it :)))))) the storyline is also very good in this ! it does actually make sense which sometimes doesnt happen ……...

[glazelilyy]

Heya there, just wanna say that resting is really important and you should take ur time to chill and relax if your brain is fried. But you must know that kaeya anon is weaker than I am and my kneecaps are doing lovely my power is unmatched >:) eheh also pls tell me how you got diluc I’m at ar 55 and all I get from the standard banner is a c1 qiqi c1 jean r2 mona skyward blade wolfs gravestone lost prayer and skyward atlas pls help with ur diluc-ness. ONCE AGAIN BREKS ARE GUD SO TAKE UR TIME HUN

Stay hydrated too ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

- 🍳 anon

absolutely!! i dont think any good will come out of me working my already ded brain lol

oh my, @/kaeya anon your power is being tested

i only have one 5 star weapon and it's gravestone that i pulled on standard in the ye olde days of genshin- sending you all my diluc luck!! you WILL get diluc on your next roll you WILL get diluc on your next roll. if i say it enough times it'll work >:)

[wintea-melon]

143

@sumikoiiand ur 486 uvuIK U SENT THIs but ur probably asleep rn :3c

[heistmeist]

Naruto smash bro headcanons (along with a few other video game mentions)

naruto- sonic or shulk, probably in the lower half of everybody else skillwise, gets mad because sasuke beats him almost everytime and calls him a furry for playing lucario

sakura- kirby, doesn't play much ands in the bottom quarter skillwise, though kicks ass at Mariokart.

sasuke- lucario- just slightly better than naruto, pretty much the exact middle of everyone in skill, only real exposure to Pokémon was the cards and trying to steal itachis pokemon red cartridge when he was younger.

rock lee- pikachu- grew up on pokemon, including mystery dungeon, in the lower skill half but trying his best, uses this skin.

tenten- mostly toon link, occasionally solid snake- gotta have those projectiles, in the higher skill half, probably has played one or two legend of Zelda games. when she's playing to have fun she's pretty loud but if she's in a serious match shes dead silent.

neji- tenten and Lee forced him to play once and he chose robin, even with them going easy on him he lost by a landslide and hasn't played since. not really much of a video game person

hinata- ice climbers, will absolutely wreck your shit, her and kiba have been playing since melee came out, in the top 5 if not the best player among everybody, first time she played againist naruto the match was over in under a minute but she felt bad so she let him win a couple of rounds afterwards.

kiba- donkey kong- in the top 5 of everyone, wins againist hinata occasionally but prefers playing doubles with her on his team, probably has beat donkey country over 15 times.

shino- ness, doesnt play often due to not being that good, it normally takes hinata and kiba egging him on for him to play, likes watching them. not much of a video game person but does like earthbound and jrpgs

shikamaru- falco, in the lower skill half but could be better if he wanted to, rarely plays by himself. likes to watch and partake in the chaos of ino and choji playing againist everyone else. probably plays visual novels and tetris 99

choji- piranha plant- in the higher skill half, plays for fun rather than any competitive drive, honestly the least saltly out of everyone, always making the effort to type out "gg :)" after games. wishes petey piranha was a playable character

ino- inkling- mid skill level, probably right below sasuke but still above naruto, her strategy is more based on screaming and distraction than skill. Her and choji on a team get surprisingly more far than you'd think.

kankuro- Rosalina and luma- kiba made the mistake of suggesting he should play her, he was skeptical at first but now is a diehard rosa and luma main, in the top 5, probably 3rd. the only mario lore he knows is Luigis green and Marios red. Him and temari are a dysfunctional team but a team nonetheless

temari- pit and ex kirby main, still extremely good at kirby but trying to get used to pit so she can "get gud". higher skill half but somehow not top 5. grew up on kirby games, partially getting kankuro and gaara into it.

gaara- isabelle, plays her because he likes animal crossing, that's the pretty much the only reason. doesn't play often and generally dislikes fighting games but is happy temari and kankuro have something to bond over. would probably get along with shino while everyone else is playing.

thats all thanmk for listening to my ted talk.

[efterskolelivet]

“Så kan man ligeså godt tro på Loch Ness eller lykke i livet”

— Viktor, om at tro på gud.

[ness3ds-moved]

good cc!! mado lucas ninten

[jodywegner]

A bad day. (I just need to rant into the abyss of the internet)

I’ve never actually left work early for a bad day before. But I felt that today if I didn’t, I’d end up embarrassing myself and ruining all of my relationships with my coworkers or better yet end up in the HR office. It was just an accumulation of a few too many small things that have been building up for months while I’m emotionally vulnerable.

I also know that none of my coworkers will ever see this post. But even if they do, I doubt they were aware of my feelings. The worst part is that nothing is really anyone’s fault. There’s no bad guy, and that makes it all the more frustrating, and that finally came to a head today. Because I can’t chew people out for doing nothing wrong. Sorry for the long post. Lotta resentments getting bottled up.

So context. 1. My grandfather has been in declining health for a while now. This isn’t very upsetting for me. He’s in his mid 90s and lived a full life. We were all provided for and everything is taken care of. For me, it feels more like a natural thing that is now finally happening. My aunt and my father have been fighting for years over different things, but my grandfather’s declining health has definitely rekindled the flames of war. 2. I work in TV animation production, and my goal is to become a storyboard artist. I’ve made that goal clear. I’ve asked for tests but I can never get any. I’ve asked for feedback and no one has given me any. The shining star of this was my boss giving me 5 long minutes of not quite saying “it’s not good enough.” I figured he was busy and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He did say that if he hadn’t hired our then current revisionist, he’d love to have me start as one. Since then, he’s hired 4 more revisionists who have come and gone for different reasons. 3. I don’t think I draw that fucking bad. I’ve been told my artists I work with “why don’t you have an art job yet?” which the answer is “because no one will fucking give me one when I ask and you guys aren’t in a position to.” (they mean it as a compliment but it just really keeps bringing me down whenever I fail) And there are a lot of people my age getting art jobs while I’m not and yah I’m not that old but it’s very stressful and discouraging regardless of logic and optimism. 4. My intern this last semester showed my boss a sample board and got extensive notes and feedback and was offered freelance revision work even though she’s still a junior in college. She’s 3 years younger than me and was here for 2 months. My boss literally walked into my office then started talking to her in the adjacent cube over the wall about how good she is and the upcoming freelance revisionist work. And I have to sit there quietly and pretend it’s not killing me. 5. I’m lactose intolerant. 6. I guess I’ve been suffering from job related depression for the above reasons. Nothing major, I’m not suicidal, but I’m definitely very unhappy and going to work is definitely not a fun or even neutral experience anymore. It’s hard because the correct answer to my problem is “git gud’ and we all know how NOT FUCKING HELPFUL that is. Today 1. I get a text from my parents at 6 am telling me that my grandfather has passed away. We went over yesterday to say our goodbyes expecting him to pass either today or tomorrow. We left at around 8pm and asked my aunt to call us when he passed and that we’d come over. So my parents find out that he passed away at 6 am today. From a third party that isn’t even FUCKING RELATED TO US. Apparently my grandfather had passed away 10 minutes after we left yesterday, and she decided not to let us know. We had to find out through some other person offering my father his condolences. 2. Well the two coworkers I am closest with were late for miscellaneous reasons so I kinda had to keep #1 bottled up for 2 hours. 3. When things happen, I bluster and storm for the first hour before calming down and becoming rational. So I’m sitting at my desk all morning trying my best to keep my shit together because I’m absolutely fuming and was (forbid) by my mother to retaliate. She’s not wrong but there’s a lotta stress and emotions here. (3.5. Although I was directly forbid retaliation, I still went ahead and planned it anyways because it was a mildly constructive use of my stress. DM me if you want to know how to ruin someone’s entire week and never get caught.) 4. I took some Lactaid 30 minutes before I decided to finish my leftover mac n cheese from the fancy food truck yesterday as breakfast. Yah the Lactaid didn’t work at all for some ungodly reason... It’s 9am and I’m in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally now.... 5. So one of my favored coworkers finally beats traffic and gets in so I go to talk to her about all of this. I immediately get cry-y. Which blah blah blah crying is part of grieving but I can do that later. It’s not great when I’m at work because crying opens up the floodgate of emotions and the near impossible task of re-wrangling them under control is now daunting. Emotional fortitude -50. And people just kinda didn’t notice that I was crying and upset and not very quietly recounting this horrible morning story. They kinda walked right by. Not a single person other than that one coworker (and my other favored one who came in a bit later) offered me any condolences or asked about how I was doing of if I was ok. It’d be one thing if that happened and no one was around and I regained my composure. BUT I DIDN’T. 6. That fucking intern (who’s a nice person but god I wish they’d stop existing in my life. It’s fucking petty but today is really the worst day for it so fuck it I’m saying it.) is coming in for a big storyboard meeting between all the board artists, revisionists, and supervisors. So I had to see her and pretend to smile and be pleasant and supportive while I’m emotionally compromised, grieving, pissed, and now petty and jealous all over again. So I get that out of the way and I sit back down and get to work. 7. The other coworker I like to talk to comes in. She was a former intern who also wants to be a board artist so we try to help each other in our endeavors together. She’s an optimist. She says that she’s going to ask if she can sit in on the meeting and asks if I’d like to come along. Bless her outgoing-ness that I struggle with. But as much as I’d like to... that’s a room full of people who either forgot that I want to be a board artist, don’t care, or are straight up ignoring me about it and keep doing and saying all of these unintentionally hurtful things to and near me. Also that fucking intern is there. Also I’m pissed. Also I’m emotionally distraught. So I declined her offer. Even if I could get something good out of that meeting, I’m pretty sure I would have just had a breakdown in the corner. So I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that or make people feel uncomfortable for doing their normal business. 8. So by this point I’m sure I’m going to be snippy or mean or start crying in front of people, so my goal was to finish my most important task and leave at noon. I finish, I grab my bag to leave. As I do, they all get out of their storyboard meeting and bluster past me because they are now late for seeing the storyboard trainee program final presentations. GREAT. 9. Another production coworker of mine comments on how its important for them to go in case they see anyone they’d like to hire as a revisionist. I fianlly hit FUCKIT and say “IM GOING HOME.” And so I go to walk to the elevators. 10. I chose the wrong time to walk to the elevators because everyone in that meeting is waiting at the elevators to go look at the storyboard trainee presentations and scope out the new talent. They’re in too much of a busy mind to notice that I’m about to cry and am probably glaring with white knuckles as I clutch my bag. Luckily for me the elevator is full and I have an excuse to take the next one and not theirs. A part of me wished that they would say “come on in! i’m sure you can fit!” But... stuff like that never happens with them. No one goes out of their way to include me in things. So... whatever. Maybe I’m just being negative trying to find the bad in every little thing, but this is a rant so I’m going to do just that because fuck the consequences of people liking me and thinking I know how to adult properly. 11. I’m driving home and get a message from my coworker (glanced at a long red dont arrest me pls wait till tomorrow) saying that the intern asked if I had sent her intern evaluation to her school yet. I did. A few weeks ago. This isn’t really a bad thing it’s just that I was finally fucking free and just about to not have any reason to keep it together but then BAM. Intern shows up in my life again. Right after I though it was all over. A little god damn poke. Now So I managed to drive home without crashing into buildings or furiously honking and I am now just holding my cat and typing this. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers will ever see this. A part of me wishes they would and that maybe they’d care, because I really don’t want to have to start a conversation specifically about all of this with them.    Who the hell starts a conversation with: “By the way boss, can you please stop discussing giving the intern freelance work when I’m within earshot let alone in my god damn 6′x8′ cube?” “Hey boss, remember when I asked you for feedback and got none? Why does the intern get your full attention when you are even busier?” “Hey boss, why have you hired 4 more revisionists when you said that’d you’d love to have me as one? Did you forget? Were you just lying to me because you didn’t know how to give me feedback? Did you even care about what you say to me?” “Hey intern, I understand you are excited and this is a great opportunity for you, but can you please read the room at least a little because I want to cry every single time?” “Hey everyone, I want to be a board artist remember? REMEMBER?” ”Hey everyone... I’m an artist too.” “Hey everyone, can anyone just give me a little help?” ”Hey everyone, if I keep my purse stocked with your allergy medications, pain killers, band aids, digestive relief, girly goods and keep good snacks around and remember your schedules and try to make your jobs easier and serve as your primary IT person...will you remember that I’m here?” “Hey everyone, do you all dislike me or do you all just not care enough to notice me?” They’re all good people, but it’s not stuff that I really know how to say just out of the blue. So today... I just couldn’t stand being even in my own cube anymore. I’m not an outgoing entrepreneurial person who bugs people everyday trying to sell themselves as an artist. I’m someone who tells you my intentions, and asks for help, and then believes people when they tell me sorry they’re busy, that they wish they could help, that they’d love to have me if only not for “x”. No one is entitled to give me a job or help me. But... I don’t get why I’m the only one who gets nothing for a response when I do ask. If they were busy, that’d be fine. But since then things have gotten busier, and my boss personally worked through multiple iterations of my intern’s practice board with her. A good piece of advice I got was that your first 5 tests are awful...but I can’t even get anyone to give me my first one. I’m told to work hard and “git gud”. But it feels like I’m just bashing my head against a brick wall, and no one even acknowledges the effort. It feels like if I decide to stop doing that because I’m about to have a breakdown, I’ll be looked down on as a quitter and not passionate enough. I have passion, but all of this is 100% killing it, and I don’t want to hate art. I really don’t. But I’m starting to. It’s hard for me to enjoy it when now it’s only done to seek attention and approval that I’ll never get from these people. Today would have been difficult still, but not unbearable if not for that. My grandfather’s death isn’t a tragedy for me. He was in pain for a long time and he definitely made the most of his life. The tragedy is that despite all of this, my aunt decided that my family didn’t deserve to know that our grandfather, my father’s father (who lives literally 5 minutes away by car), had passed. I’m definitely not looking forward to the memorial service for my grandfather. Not because the death is hard to deal with but because all of the family there is. Would love to make life terrible for my aunt. Would love to be just as petty. I have so many colorful things to say and do. But ultimately none of that matters. It’s just death. Nothing changes it or adds a new flavor to it. So all of that anger and hurt just kinda snowballed today. And to top it all off as I’m typing this some asshole is beating a dog somewhere in the neighborhood and the dog is screaming and yelping. (called the police so hopefully they find them) Thanks for reading this long negative rant. I hope it helps anyone who is feeling similarly frustrated, because I dont have someone around who’s breaking down quite like I am so this is all I have. Shooting it into the internet in a passive aggressive attempt and chance that maybe someone who needs to read it will. Positive news: I watered my plants with the extra time. I hugged my cat. I will be returning with art for Mermay.