#Gotta make sure your arm tentacles are in working order!

[casuallywiggling-blog]

“Dishes.. Done. Gary.. Fed. Arm status..”

“.. Wiggly.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

For mermay, could you do 11 for sternclay? sfw please :) I love your prompt fills!

Thank you so much! Here you go. The prompt was “royalty” and I based Barclay on a basking shark and Joseph on a mimic octopus.

For the last two weeks, Joseph has been hearing what a difficult assignment he’s taken, and how most bodyguards wouldn’t take it even with the handsome pay. That the princes of Sylvain are impossible to guard, that they’ve gone through more security staff than sharks go through teeth (this part he knows to be true from the records he’s found). 

Two days in, he’s starting to wonder if there’s been some sort of mistake. 

Now, had he received Duck’s assignment, he’d understand the warnings. Prince Indrid, seer to the court of Sylvain, has already shown himself to be a strange mixture of aloof, demanding, and spoiled.

But Prince Barclay?

When Joseph was shown into his chambers and introduced, the instant the servants left Barclay swam over to him with a nervous smile. He asked if there was anything he could get him, was he hungry, would he like something to drink? Joseph accepted that last offer, curious to see how the prince would react if called upon to perform hospitality rather than simply offer it. 

What happened was Barclay swam into an anteroom and came back with a carved coral platter with mother of pearl pitcher and goblets, pouring Joseph’s first before taking a glass for himself. 

That set the tone for his behavior, and it hasn’t changed in the week since he’s arrived. The prince, charcoal tailed and a little shy, seems to view Joseph as just another mer to talk to. When in the castle, Barclay will ask him his thoughts on the historical and political scrolls his tutors assign him as part of his preparation to one day inherit the kingdom. Out in public, Joseph shifts into the background, watches everything with care while the prince swims behind his parents or, more often, their advisors. 

“Do you think there was some kind of misunderstanding with his previous guard?” Joseph asks Duck over a late night dinner in the hall, which allows them to keep their eyes on their charges rooms. 

“I mean, he seems like a nice enough fella to me. But nice fellas can still be sneaky; from what Ned told me, Barclay’s an escape artist. Think he might be lurin you into a false sense of security.”

“And I think trusting what Ned Chicane tells you is a terrible way to gather intel.”

Movement from Indrid’s room and Duck stiffens, listening, then relaxes.

“Shouldn’t you go check on that?”

“Nah, he’s just pacin, does that a lot, especially at night.”

“He really should get some sleep.”

Duck shrugs, “He should. But treatin him like a child is the wrong way to go. He knows he oughta rest, my remindin him will just annoy him. Besides,” Duck raises an eyebrow, “maybe you better be more focused on your prince.”

“He turned in an hour ago.”

“You sure?”

Something in Duck’s voice sends worry bubbling through his guts, “I’ll check now, just to be positive.”

The bed is empty, the prince nowhere to be found. 

“Shit!” He darts back into the dim hallway, “he’s gone, I’ve got to find him and fast. How, how in name of the deep did you know?”

“Call it a hunch. Indrid likes to play the ‘I know somethin you don’t’ game, but if I let ‘im play it long enough, he let’s somethin important slip out.”

“Shit” Joseph says again, “I, if anyone asks-” 

“I’ll say I ain’t seen you or Barclay since dinner. Ain’t a lie.” Duck winks and Joseph flashes him a quick smile before swimming back into the prince’s rooms. There’s only one door and no secret passageways, (he checked for those himself), so the windows it is. His tentacles can sense Barclay’s trail, faint but unmistakable, and he follows it until he’s almost at the shore. Then it’s gone. 

He spends the next three hours feverishly tracing and retracing his path and keeping his panic to a minimum. When he spies a figure swimming towards him, he backs against a rock, planning to hide until they pass. 

This plan changes the instant he registers who it is. 

“Gaahfuck” Barclay catches his yell quickly and muffles it down to a hiss, “what the hell Joseph, you scared me.”

“And you just made me spend three hours swimming around and wondering if my charge had been abducted. I’d say that makes us even.”

“Didn’t make you do anything.” Barclay grumbles as Joseph turns them towards the palace. 

He sighs, “No, I guess technically you didn’t. But I take my job very, very seriously. If this past week hasn’t demonstrated that sufficiently, maybe tonight has. When you disappear into the night, it’s my duty to follow.” He catches brown eyes studying him warily and adds, “I’m not doing it to be punitive or steal your freedom, or even because their majesties told me to; I’m doing it because you’re under my protection.”

The prince nods but says nothing else until they return to his rooms. 

“Joseph? I’m uh, I’m sorry. For scaring you. You got farther than anyone else did, none of them ever tracked me that well, if they noticed I was gone at all. I figured you wouldn’t notice, so you wouldn’t worry. So, yeah. I’m sorry.” 

Joseph knows a false apology when he hears it, and this is as far from one as a desert is from the deep sea. 

“Apology accepted, my prince. But Barclay” he levels the other mer with a stern gaze, tries not to notice his cheeks tinging pink the longer he holds it, “don’t do it again.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Are you certain we cannot trade?” Indrid’s fin ripples with agitation as he draws. 

“Nope, Joseph is a good bodyguard.”

“And your crush on him is not governing your answer in the slightest?” Indrid smirks but doesn’t look up. 

“No idea what you’re talking about. Besides, Duck seems nice.” Barclay stretches his other arm, then pauses, “wait, fuck, is he hurting you or something?”

“No. On the contrary, he is annoyingly concerned with my wellbeing.”

“That’s his job.”

“It was the job of all his predecessors as well, but all it took was ordering them around or demanding things in the right tone before they were letting me do as I pleased. I wanted to go to that bar on the edge of town last night and do you know what he did? He told me no, because word had gotten around that it was a spot I frequented and someone there might try to take me hostage.”

“...And?”

“And, and then when I tried to leave anyway he blocked the door with that blasted muscular tail and obnoxiously charming face and wouldn’t move! Then he told me he would if I looked at the future told him we’d both be safe if we went. It turns out he was right, the chances of violence were high.”

“I mean, you don’t like places that loud anyway-”

“It’s the principle of the thing.” Indrid sighs, “so we stayed in and I made him read to me as penance but he was very good at it and I fell asleep within a half hour.”

Barclay is trying hard not to laugh, only because he knows how hard it is for his brother to admit such things. And because, given what else he knows of Duck, the mer might be exactly what his brother needs. If nothing else, Barclay hopes Duck might be observant enough to notice what’s there, not just what his brother tries to toss up like so much sand in hopes of obscuring the truth. 

Indrid goes back to his drawings. Barclay can remember the first time their ministers caught Indrid capturing the futures this way and scolded him, saying the futures to look at were only those the court asked him to, nothing else. Indrid had explained, in a number of different ways, that this was how he could keep the images from overwhelming him, but still they insisted he stop. It wasn’t until he drew on his status and threw a near fit that they relented. That was a lesson he never forgot. 

Barclay hopes todays lessons will be more enjoyable. One of the jobs of a royal bodyguard is to train the princes in self-defense. When Joseph and Duck enter the gym through kelp curtains, Barclay can’t help but be mesmerized by the poise with which his tentacles move across the ground. 

“Good morning, your highness. And to you as well, your highness.” Joseph bows to them each in turn, “Barclay, today you and I will be working with swords while Duck and Prince Indrid work on hand to hand combat.”

“What?” Indrid looks up, red eyes wide, “Barclay is the one who trains hand to hand, not me.”

“Which is exactly why we gotta mix things up. You need all the modes of defense you can get. Unless of course you’re, uh, afraid you can’t take me.” Duck raises an eyebrow at Indrid. 

His brother says nothing, simply grabs his bodyguard and pulls him towards the designated room, calling, “I’ll see you after lunch!”

He and Joseph trade an amused look, then swim to the shelf of blunted training weapons. They’re still bone or sharks tooth, but they’ve been sanded down so no one can get hurt. 

“Now, you mentioned you’ve done some sword work, so am I right that you know how to hold this safely?”

“Yep.” Barclay takes the sword, swimming over to one of the Xs on the floor. 

“Good. To keep things fair for now, I won’t use my tentacles for anything other than swimming.” Joseph takes his position on the opposite X and lifts his sword, “ready?”

Barclay nods and then immediately parries as Joseph lunges with a burst of speed. He recovers quickly, and they begin an elegant back and forth, bubbles and stray sand swirling through the air as they spin and dodge around one another. Joseph keeps up a steady stream of commentary, either positive or instructive, and Barclay is having a hard time ignoring the the thrill he gets every time Joseph pulls off a graceful maneuver. 

When they break, both a little winded, there’s a crash from the next room. 

“Fuck! You okay, your highness?” Duck sounds concerned. 

“Yes, now try that again, I am going to get this right.” 

Joseph glances at him, “Should we-”

“Nah. He kinda sounds like he’s enjoying himself.”

The other mer studies him, “Are you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then I’m going to ask you to stop holding back. I can’t train you effectively if I don’t know what your skill level actually is.”

He’s learned not to insist Joseph is mis-observing things when he’s actually observing them perfectly; the other mer is too sharp for that. 

“I...I just don’t want to hurt you.”

Joseph swims close, sets a hand on his shoulder, “For starters, these are fake swords, and I’m not a bad fighter. But more than that, I suspect there’s a very impressive swordsman under those scales.”

They take their positions and when Joseph gives the signal Barclay attacks with all the force his tail can muster. Joseph dodges easily but makes an approving noise. Then he grins, the expression downright rakish, and attacks with such precision and speed that Barclay barely manages to counter him. 

His focus narrows down to the fight, to watching Joseph’s body for every sign of movement, every twitch of muscle and tentacle. Finally, he sees his opening and drives the other mer backwards until he’s trapped, back to the rocky grey wall. 

“Well” Barclay pants, images of finishing the fight with a kiss banging about his mind, “what do you think of that, Joseph?”

Two tentacles rise, plucking both swords from their fighters hands as his bodyguard murmurs, “I’m impressed.”

-------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a month and a half since Barclay slipped out of his room, and while he’s tried twice more, Joseph has been ready each time. Tonight, however, he’s opting for a new strategy.

He bids the prince goodnight, well aware he’ll swim out the window around moonrise. Then he waits just across from the window, skin and tentacles camouflaged with the rocks. Right on time, Barclay emerges, swimming quickly and quietly towards the shore. Joseph follows at a safe distance, forces himself to focus on the prince’s likely path rather than on how handsome he looks in the moonlight. 

When they reach the shallows Barclay pauses, slips a woven bracelet onto his wrist, and kicks towards the surface. 

Who in the name of the wide ocean gave him legs?

Joseph’s physiology allows him to crawl across the tidepools, keeping his eyes on Barclay as the prince retrieves a set of clothes hidden behind a rock and walks into the small town of Kepler, turning towards a restaurant on the pier. 

Someone had to enchant that bracelet for him, has to know where he’s going while using it. And that someone has to be a mer he trusts. 

------------------------------------------------------

“Yes. I made him the bracelet. What of it?” Indrid says coolly. 

“Indrid, do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” Joseph throws his arms and several tentacles in the air. 

“Hold up” Duck turns to his prince, “Indrid, I’m guessin Barclay probably asked for a reason, right?”

“Indeed, but if I say what it was, you will reveal it to our parents and ministers and take it away from him.”

“I won’t. I promise. I, I just want to help.”

Indrid narrows his eyes. Then, remarkably, he turns to Duck and cocks his head. Duck nods. 

“Very well. And yes, I will grant you that favor you’re about to ask for…”

----------------------------------------------------------

How do humans manage with these things? His tentacles tell him so much more than these useless feet do. 

Joseph makes his wobbly way into Kepler, following Barclay’s trail down the pier, the one he’s walked the last two weeks while Joseph intermittently clung to the nearby wooden supports or fencing to make sure his prince wasn’t in danger. 

Even with Indrid’s explanation, the room he enters is a surprise. Several counters with what he knows humans call “stoves” sitting on them, each manned by one or two people. 

“Hello there” An affable older man in a multi-colored shirt approaches him, “you here for the class?”

“Yes.”

“Great! Hmmm, since you’re new, better pair you with someone, just to be safe. Follow me.”

Joseph isn’t afraid of much. But when he sees who the man intends to pair him with, he almost jumps out the window and flees back to the sea.

“You’re in luck, gonna pair you with my best student. Barclay, this is…”

“Joseph”

“Joseph’s first class with us, so I’m handin him over to you. Make me proud.”

Barclay isn’t blinking, but he manages to say, “sure thing, Thacker.” 

The older man nods, pleased, and makes his way towards the kitchen set-up at the front of the room, greeting people as he goes. 

“What the fuck, Joseph?” Barclay keeps his voice low, “did Janelle give you legs just so you could come drag me out of class?”

“No, no not at all. Indrid did this.”

“What?”

Joseph takes a deep breath, “Barclay, I told you that first week that I’m here to protect you. The way I see it, I’ll do a much better job if I come with you to something that clearly matters to you, rather than force you to hide it from me. No one knows about this but Indrid and Duck.”

Barclay seems stunned, doesn’t say anything as Thacker opens the class and instructs them on how to make something called “marinara” to go on “pasta.” The prince stays silent until they’re working on the cookies the human is also having them make.

“Here, it’s easier to cut them out like this.” He sets his hand atop Joseph’s, pressing and shaking it so the dough comes away from the stone slab in the shape of a heart. 

“Thank you.”

Barclay smiles at him, and the kitchen grows hotter. 

When everything is done cooking, they sit on stools at their station, eating the fruits of their labor. Barclay is animatedly describing the pie they made last week, occasionally stopping to chat with some of the other students. He looks so happy, and Joseph decides he will not tell their majesties about this even if they torture him. Or fire him. 

As they walk back along the beach, Barclay explaining all the things he’s learned about cooking and how much he wishes they’d let him cook at the palace rather than insist it’s beneath his station, the prince takes his hand.

“Humans do this when they’re waling on the beach together. I think it’s to keep them from getting separated if they get hit by a wave.

Joseph is pretty sure that’s not the reason, but he’s not about to say so now. 

They dive back under the waves, removing their charms and swimming side by side in the dark water. Once they’re safely inside, Barclay turns to him, beaming, “Thank you so much for coming.”

“Even if I wasn’t invited?”

“Yeah. It, uh, it means a lot to me that you wanna learn about the stuff that matters to me. That you wanna know the real me.”

“Of course I do.”

Barclay swims dangerously close, “You, uh, do you wanna know another part?”

He nods. Barclay leans in and presses their lips together. Joseph manages to keep his hands himself, but his tentacles have other ideas, curling protectively around the prince’s tail and waist. The instant Barclay pulls back with the most adorable sigh in the sea, Joseph forces them to return to their normal position. 

The prince gives him a final, shy smile and whispers, “‘Night, Joseph. And thanks for everything.”

[azurevi]

on land where we can touch the moon (1/?)

Ok, so this is a really random idea, but it’s basically The Little Mermaid with Azul. And I wish I could excuse myself by saying that I was drunk writing this, but really I was just rushing it because I’ve been sitting on it for far too long. Anyways, enjoy!

Pairing : Azul / genderneutral reader

Characters : Grim, Ace and Deuce

Warnings/Triggers : none

Word count : 3,371

PART2 PART 3

“Isn’t this great,” you made a show of strolling along the railing, the beer in your hand threatening to spill. “The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face. Perfect day to be at sea!”

“Yes, well-” Jack paused mid-sentence to lean over the side. He sounded as though he was retching. “It is indeed a favourable weather, your royal highness- urk!”

“Now, what did I say about formalities, Jack?”

“You said, and I quote, ‘Call me by my first name, if only for today. It’s a direct order.’”

You went up to soothe his back. When he pulled his head up, his eyes were glossy and cheeks purple. “It’s inappropriate for you to see me in this state, your majesty,”

“So you’re defying my orders now? And on my birthday, no less?”

“That man is all work and no fun,” Ace commented bitterly. He and Deuce were on the opposite side of the ship, holding their respective mugs of beer.

“That’s what makes him the knight commander,” Deuce said.

“A knight commander who’s seasick, huh?”

“Shut up, both of you!“ 

You chortled blatantly, chest light and hair spraying in the wind. 

"Fireball Attack!”

There was a sharp yell, and Grim’s fur was all up in your face before you knew it.

“Hey, hey! Someone’s in a good mood!” You cradled him in your arms. His fur was fluffy and sticking up in the air in all directions.

While you were entertaining your attention-starved familiar, your personal knights had managed to get into yet another fistfight. Jack, the poor commander, was cornered on the edge of the ship, his golden, distinguished pin somehow threatening to slip off in his fingers.

“If I drop my badge, I swear on my wage you’re getting extra morning training and night patrols for the next whole year-!”

He gagged slightly before turning sharply, elbowing Ace in the process. His arm jolted, and the badge escaped his firm pinch, glistening in the air. Time seemed to slow as it made its way downwards, all the while the knights’ mouths grew rounder and rounder.

It plummeted right into the sea, made an insignificant plop and continued sinking quietly, slowly, until the sea muted the screams on deck and the light dwindled.

“We should really stay away, Rory,”

“Quit being a chicken,”

Lovett was falling behind. Rory had insisted that they visit this deeper and lesser known part of the ocean due to a half-hearted dare. And Rory, headstrong that she was, would never back down from a challenge.

“Haven’t you heard? Deep where the light doesn’t reach lives the evil Sea Merchant! A force to be reckoned with! It’s-”

Lovett swivelled swiftly. He was pretty sure something had just swam past from behind.

“Oh, for the love of Poseidon, please don’t eat me for I’m just a standard merman!”

“Will you zip?” Rory was already a few feets ahead. Lovett continued to mumble prayers as he flapped his tail harder.

There was almost no light now, but they could still make out the outlines of rocks and corals. It was uncanny how there was nary a sign of life, not even a lanternfish.

“What’s- what’s the dare anyways?”

“To steal something from the evil Sea Merchant’s collection,”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Lovett gasped. He had yet to notice how they’d swam into a forest of seaweeds. Some clung to their tails as they swam by and tickled their sides.

Something strong and somewhat slimy wrapped around Lovett’s arm. Presuming that it was just another irritating weed, he swung his arm back and forth. It only seemed to grow tighter.

“Great seas, what-” he turned to inspect. “Oh- oh- ten-TENTACLE!”

Rory sprinted around at the scream. “Holy-” she murmured, speechless and shocked to the core. 

Wrapped around Lovett’s elbow was no doubt a tentacle lined with suckers. For a while, it didn’t seem to be moving, but then Lovett was yanked away like lightning.

“Lovett!”

The first thought that came to his mind was that he was going to be eaten. That was until he was met with a frowning face. One under silver messy hair. Then his eyes traveled down the seemingly countless slithering tentacles that stretched out from the man, and he was trembling in fear again.

“Please-! Don’t eat me! I have the least nutritional diet!”

The man didn’t answer. Instead, he squinted at Lovett for an agonizingly long time before finally letting him loose. Lovett squirmed and backed away. The area where he had been held had become swollen red.

“Lovett?” Rory had just gotten into the scene. Lovett didn’t wait a second to break into a run, but Rory caught him by his elbow where it was still hurting.

“We gotta run, Rory-”

‘Huh. What, it’s just Ashengrotto? Have you forgotten about him already?“

Lovett whimpered when Rory advanced on the man. He narrowed his gaze behind a neat pair of glasses. Lovett half expected Rory to be squeezed to death on the spot.

"You’re lurking down here now? How lame. And I see that you still got those hideous fingers of yours,” Rory gestured at his tentacles. “You seriously don’t remember him, Lovett? You have shit memories. Does Azul Ashengrotto from college ring a bell?”

It took Lovett a long, long time to get it. “That’s right, you’re Azul! Man, how you’ve changed- wait, are you the Sea Merchant?”

There was nothing that could rival the bitterness in Azul’s voice. “Pleased to see you again, Lovett,”

“Is it easier to prey on fishes down here? Or are you just that insecure about yourself?” Rory paid no mind to their conversation.

“… It’s none of your business,”

“It actually is. You see, knowing that an ink-blasting octopus lives in the same water as I do is really unnerving-”

“Then make your leave.”

Rory’s smug look faltered. 

“Why should I? You don’t even own this part of the ocean-”

“Oh? Who are these friends of yours, Azul?”

A singsong voice once again interrupted Rory. She turned on her spot, only to find herself face to face with a grinning face.

“Eek-!”

“Oh! If this isn’t Rory~ how kind of you to visit us!”

Lovett backed away quietly. He wasn’t going to stay for anymore of this horror. When two hands slammed onto his shoulders, he shrieked a key higher than any other that’s been sung by opera singers. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” a far more stern and solid voice asked. It was one of those voices you hear in persuading commercials.

It was the Leech brothers, in their long, slender eel forms.

Lovett thought that was it. This was his doom. He was either going to get eaten alive or squeezed to his demise. He should never have agreed to come here. And now he was going to die. He didn’t even get to experience life-

“It’s fine, Jade, Floyd,” Azul said calmly. The hands on Lovett’s shoulders retreated, and Rory rushed towards him hastily and pulled him up and up until they were out of the seaweeds.

“I can’t believe you let them off that easily!” Floyd complained, pouting hard. “We could’ve had some fun with them first, and yet you decided to play good guy?”

Azul didn’t reply. The three of them travelled between rocks and reefs, and while Azul seemed to be in search of something, the twins were merely accompanying.

“I believe he has his reasons,” Jade said, pausing in anticipation. When Azul didn’t soothe his curiosity, he sighed and decided to drop the topic.

Azul rummaged through the swaying weeds and peeked into the slits of the rocks. Nothing seemed to have piqued his interest. Then they swam even further away from where they’d started and reached a sunken ship.

While almost the entirety of the hull had rotten away the structure of the ship still remained intact. Anemones and sponges had claimed the pieces of wood. Tiny shrimps traveled freely between poles and debrises.

Jade and Floyd followed tightly like bodyguards. They were at least mildly worried after the encounter with Rory and Lovett. They could still recall vividly how notorious Rory was and what a relief that they never had to meet again.

If anything, Azul seemed frustrated. His tentacles worked individually, shoving aside inconvenience hastily just like his hands. It was as though he’d lost something priced and valued.

“Let’s split up, alright? Treasure hunt’s no fun if we’re just following one another,” Floyd said as he rounded a corner and out of sight. Jade hesitantly stayed behind as well, leaving Azul to his own.

He’d been here so many times that he’d lost count. There was always something new and from the land somewhere between the ruins. But this time, it seemed to have become just another bland, boring place without any aesthetic value.

That was until something flickered in the corner of his eyes. It was so weak that it would’ve gone unnoticed by, say, Jade and Floyd, but Azul had always been delicate in treasure hunting. Nothing ever slipped his sight.

It looked like a badge. A golden brimmed badge with two crossed swords in the middle, and at the bottom carved two grand words - 'Knight Commander’.

“Oh, what’s that you’ve got there?”

“Ahh!" 

Azul spoke up finally in a long time. The brothers had at some point started following him again.

"Looks like a badge,”

“Bet it sank just a few hours ago. It looks very intact,”

“Yeah,” Azul flipped it between his fingers, eyes tracing in fascination. “It’s not everyday you see something like this,”

His mood seemed to have lightened after this discovery. He was gratified. It’d been a while since he last found anything worthy enough to add to his collection of trinkets from ashore. It put a smile to his face just remembering his towering shelves of tiny valuables. 

Azul owned a secret grotto that even the Leech brothers knew nothing of. He’d made sure that it was known only to him.

It was where he stored all the human objects he’d found undersea. Things like a trident but with four tips or a shallow, handled bowl. There were items as big as a golden pot and others as small as a hairclip. Everywhere he turned they were shimmering and singing about the unknown world outside the water, where mermaids had legs and walked instead of swimming, where they could dance instead of just swaying and flapping tails. Where they could go so many different places - forests and deserts, mountains and caves - many more than what the ocean held.

And they could reach the moon. The ageless, pensive moon that Azul could only wish to caress. But no matter how hard he stretched, it was only in his dreams where the moon would come down in all its glory, close enough to blind his eyes.

He needed to reach it. There was no other way. It was the single entity in the world that knew all the truths and lies, all the corruptions and praises. He had to see it, then he would get the answers - the truth he’d always hungered for. 

Muffled rumbles snapped him out of his intensity. When he looked up from under the grotto, he’d thought he was hallucinating.

The usually azure (and rather bland, may he add) current was now painted with red- no, yellow- purple- it was changing with every muted clap. It might have as well been the end of the world with its bizarreness. However, there was something else stirring in Azul’s heart aside from confusion.

Curiosity. A haste force that was tingling in all his eight tentacles, as if there was no way to rid of the sensation except to swim towards the source.

It was wrong on so many levels. He’d been taught by teachers, friends and his parents that to go beyond the water was basically pleading to be killed. Humans are nothing but greedy, spineless, nasty fish-eaters who are incapable of emotions, that’s what everyone said.

Was that really the case, though? As Azul surveyed his collections, he found it harder by second to believe in the lore. How would they explain all these sparkling and antique cosmetics? How could a world that made so many wonderful things be bad?

And so he pushed aside all doubts that were chaining his limbs and flew towards the surface.

The moment he broke the fabric of water and chill air entered his ears, he was taken back by the sight before him.

A colossal wooden ship was sailing right above. Behind it, lights and fire burnt themselves in the sky then fell into the water dimly. There were singing and whooping aboard where he couldn’t see. The grandness of it all was so deafening that Azul failed to hear the voice of reason in his head as he neared the boat.

There was an opening at the side of the ship. Azul carefully stuck his head up so he wouldn’t be seen. At least not without squinting.

There were about five people dancing and hollering, some holding drinks in their hands while the others blowing into their snarfblats with reddened cheeks. 

“Encore! Encore!” a red-haired guy yelled. Then there was an airy laugh in response. Azul turned sharply towards where it came from.

Azul was… awestruck, to say the least. You were grinning from eye to eye, which were diminished into slits. As you laughed on, Azul felt his chest lighten little by little. It was one of those laughs that pulled you closer and assured you that the world around was but a facade. He could listen to your laugh for the rest of his life and he’d never be distressed again.

“Alright, but can we first reveal the massive unknown that’s been standing here for the past hours? You know I can see it right?” you asked with confidence, and this confidence was just humble enough not to be arrogant.

“As you wish, mademoiselle,” another man with dark blue hair bowed with a flourish, then approached the object in question which was covered with a drape. He was at least tipsy with his wavering and unsteady steps.

“Presenting-!” he hollered before yanking the drape off. Surprisingly it was a golden statue made to resemble you.

You recoiled in mild distaste, but your smile remained. Azul pondered about how you still managed to radiate a cheerfulness despite your negative reaction.

It also occurred to him that it was made in gold. Out of all his collectibles there was rarely even a gold necklace. You must have a reputation for someone to make you such a big deal.

“Well, here’s your birthday present, milady,” the tipsy man was throwing names spontaneously now. The red-haired had to drag him away from the railing several times. You had all resumed singing and dancing. Azul was so captivated by your figure that he didn’t even notice the fireworks dying down.

You and a dark-skinned man were leaning right next him now. What looked like a cat but with flame shaped ears and a devil’s tail started sniffing in the vicinity. Azul was having a hard time staying out of its way and eavesdropping on your conversation.

“You sure you don’t want some?” you raised your mug to his face, which he declined respectfully.

“I’d prefer to stay sober,” he said. “You know, I don’t wish to spoil your birthday, but the king’s being more pressing than ever,”

“Yeah? About what?”

He stared at you for a moment before answering, as if he was trying to look pass your display. 

“About marriage, of course,”

You didn’t answer. Though the corners of your lips were still raised in the aftermath of all the previous hypes, you were obviously unhappy to be there. Azul wished the man would shut up and bring your smile back instead.

“It’s not just the King, your highness. The whole kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right person,”

“Jack-” you took a deep, deep breath. “It’s not something that can come quicker just because you’re anxious. I have to find the right person-”

“I understand…” Jack mumbled under his breath. He didn’t look like he understood at all.

“- and they’re out there somewhere. I’m sure. I just haven’t found them yet,” you turned and dangled your arms over the railing. Azul quietly swam under your hands. He could probably touch your fingertips if he stretched hard enough.

“When I see them, it’s gonna hit me. Like bam! Like lightning-”

As if hearing your prayer the sky cracked open with a loud cry and grew darker still. The other men scattered out hurriedly, looking as though they’d never drunk anything.

“Hurricane coming in! Stand fast, secure the rigging!”

It all happened so fast. The wind was so strong that Azul could almost feel himself being blown away. The sky rumbled again and lightning started a rapid fire where it’d striked. He noticed a rock looming just ahead, but no one on board seemed to have noticed it.

He should probably go. It’s the safest under the sea. The sky couldn’t hurt a hair of his. But then he heard your screams of commands, and suddenly he was a brave knight willing to give up his life for the princette.

You weren’t on the ship when he neared. Instead, you were already secured on a piece of log, as well as the other men. He exhaled a relieved sigh, but it didn’t last as he heard cries from the ship.

“Ah! Get away you nasty fire- help!” cried a high-pitched voice.

“Oh no, Grim!” you gasped. Without a second thought, you let loose of the log and rushed towards the burning ship. The broken ship gave you better access as you hopped on, but the moment you’d secured your familiar, the ship roared and you tripped and fell.

“Look out!” Azul yelled out futilely. The ship ran straight into the rock and BOOM, everything was set ablaze. Azul dodged between dropping debrises mindlessly as he roamed around in search of you.

When nothing was found above, he dived back into the water and there you were - sinking into the water, growing darker and darker by second. He was next to you in a blink - thanks to his fast-moving tentacles. 

Your group had already gone out of sight when he emerged again, but to his best luck there was a piece of land just near, and he raced there like he was going to lose his own life if he was too late. It was only when you were pulled up on the dryland that he could soothe his pounding heartbeat.

He was bewildered at the fact that he could breathe on land just as well as he did under water. Aside from the sand that had started sticking to his tentacles the moment they touched, nothing seemed to be out of place.

“Hey,” he’d never rescued a drowning human before. He didn’t even know what drowning was. 

“Are you dead?” he slapped your cheek lightly. Your chest didn’t seem to be heaving, and your lips were as pale as snow.

“Hey-”

“Blergh!” Your head jerked up and suddenly you were coughing up water. Azul squeaked before scurrying over to hide behind a rock.

Your head was drooping back and forth as you held yourself up with wobbly arms. Then you started turning around and locked eyes with Azul’s as he peeked out tentatively.

Oh, it’s bad. This is very bad.

“Who-” you started to stand, and at the same time Azul began to reach for the water stealthily so you wouldn’t notice. He knew he’d be screwed if he was spotted.

“Y/N!” someone cried from far away, and you turned to look. The split second was just enough for him to crawl back into the water and out of sight.

The water washed the sand off him quickly, erasing all the evidence that he’d been out there violating one of the strictest rules under the sea, but despite all, he found himself already missing the crisp air above.

If any, he’d grown more fond of the unknown world that you lived in.

[theobsessor1]

Drunken Noodle

Summary: Deceit should know better, going through with another one of Remus’s ideas. He thought it would have been a one time deal, just something for them that night to experiment with his more reptilian side. But he’s starting to regret it with the growing nest of eggs, and horrible uncertainty of feelings swirling in his chest...he might be in some trouble here.

Pairings: mild intrulogical, qpp demus, hinting at Lociet

Warnings: drinking, alcohol. hinting at slight alcoholic problem.

Word count: 3087

previous chapters ch.1, ch.2, (read on ao3)

(wish to support me buy me a coffee :3)

Chapter 3 of “Say Something” series

Deceit huffs, sitting partially slouched over the dinning table as he sips from his wine glass, munching on gummy rats that Remus had summoned him to help brighten his sour mood. Said creative side was currently sitting across from him going on about something or another.

Deceit wasn’t paying attention, just enough to mindlessly nod when needed, letting the side jabber and get his energy out while the snake side sulked. Hmm...maybe he should pay Remy and Emile a visit. He hadn’t gone to see them since...well, it’s been awhile. 

It took him a moment to realize that Remus had stopped talking, The Duke had turned to stare at the stairs of the subconscious that led up to the mindscape...Standing at the bottom of them was Logan, he was just there! Casually looking around the room where he stood. It’s quite a surprising site to see, no wonder it drove Remus speechless. Well besides the fact that he’s obviously rather fond of the other side. After a moment, Deceit clears his throat. “Can we not help you?” 

“Actually, yes. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Logan straightens his tie and clears his throat, brushing off the fact he hadn’t realized the two sides were at the table. “Oh?” 

“Well more specifically, the events that occurred during our discussion with Thomas earlier today. I wanted to apologise on the behalf of the other. They were rather dismissive of you, despite you bringing up some rather valid points. I..” Logan coughs. “You can say I understand to a degree the feeling of being brushed over, so to speak, and that I inf act do not condone such behavior especially to someone who is actually contributing and trying to help.” 

Deceit has to take a moment to collect his thoughts and form proper words through the fuzzy haze of alcohol... This almost seems like some joke. “...Thank you for the apology, though it’s rather unnecessary. You're not the one that needs to apologise, if you want me to be honest you deserve an apology more than me” he points at Logan with an unimpressed lift of his brow. 

The spectacled side sighs “Regardless, I bring the apology and regret that I had not attempted to get them to listen to you.” “It’s whatever. I appreciate it I guess.” Deceit mumbles, waving a hand concedingly and taking another sip of wine clearly not very concerned with this conversation. 

“I could tear out their tongues for you!” Remus offers, way too excited at the idea. Logan frowns shaking his head “That’s...very thoughtful of you Remus, but I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” 

“It would be more fun to shove them down the stairs, like a couple of really annoying slinkies” Deceit adds mumbling into his drink Remus snickers nodding while Logan shakes his head “I appreciate your offer and suggestions, but that’s still a no. We want them to listen, not get them hurt.” 

Deceit stands from the table swaying almost like a snake influenced by a snake charmer. “Well, that is much easier said than done. They’re bound to get hurt before they start listening to anyone.” He picks up his glass intent to make his way to the couch “You’ve said your apology, you don’t have to stick around any longer.” Logan raises a finger, opening his mouth to speak only to close it as he squints at the snake side as Remus gets up coming behind Deceit and scooping him up into his arms, spawning tentacles from his back to help properly support the side in his arms. Using one of said tentacles to slip the wine glass away from the snake sides reach. “Is he drunk?” 

Deceit hisses, attempting to wiggle from Remus’s grasp and snatch his drink back “I’m not drunk...yet...I think.” 

“...Do you intend to get drunk?” The logical side crosses his arms, frowning at them. Deceit shrinks down on himself guiltily 

“...Maybe…” 

Logan’s frown deepens as he shakes his head “I’m getting you a glass of water, have either of you eaten anything?”

Remus carries a definitely not pouting Deceit over to the couch where Logan had pointed for them to sit as the snake side replies “I’ve only eaten a few gummies so far.” 

“I ate ass!” The duke enthusiastically answers plopping onto the couch and still holding the grumpy snake side protectively in his arms and tentacles.

“He means a peach.” 

Logan huffs heading into the kitchen, making himself at home as he goes about sifting through the cabinets and fridge “I’m going to make the two of you something proper to eat, do either of you have any dietary restrictions?” 

Remus nods with a bounce, he knows the answer to that! “DeeDee doesn’t like mushy stuff ‘n I don’t like citrus.” Logan nods, filing that information away for later. He has managed to find a box of noodles and some tomato sauce, spaghetti is easy to make and hopefully satisfying to the two sides. It grows quiet for a while save for the sounds of Logan cooking, filling a pot with water and setting on the stove to boil with the noodles. 

Remus plays with Deceit’s hair keeping himself occupied as they await the meal. Something must be up, why else would the logical side have decided to suddenly care to apologize to him, to care if he was drunk or for that matter make them food?? Wasn’t he the one that usually would argue that they didn’t need it?

Deceit can’t help but squint suspiciously at the side, “You’re totally not planning something?” he hisses flicking his tongue out with his words. 

“Well, I”m planning to feed you some spaghetti and try to get you to drink some water to help keep you hydrated from your consumption of alcohol.” The snake side huffs knowing that was the logical side's so called plan. But he wants to know the real one! He opens his mouth to say as much but Logan continues “Maybe re-discuss points from earlier conversation with the others and Thomas since, well, neither of us got to share our opinions on the matter...If that is what you are asking?” 

Deceit sits up, turning around on the couch and propping himself up on his elbows to look at the logical side, eyes narrowed. That can’t possibly be all. There’s gotta be something else here, he’s sure of it. 

Remus finishes the braid he’s been working on, wiggling happily at his work before starting another. “I could think of some tasty things to do instead off boring ol’ talk!~” 

The snake side sighs “Remu-” “Oh! I tried that mushroom thing from Hannible! You gotta come check out the corpses with me!” 

“Re-” “The roots really did spread through the whole body! I got one of them to be oozing-” 

Deceit huffed snapping his fingers to focus the creative side’s attention, the duke’s mouth clicking shut and heading whipping around to find the sudden source of noise.

“I know you want to talk to him about all those wild ideas of yours dear, but do you think you can wait till after I interrogate him?” 

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll wait!” Remus nods his head like a bobble head, stilling as he goes back to focusing on playing with Deceit’s hair, a third braid in the making...he might be attempting to stick an eyeball in it...or a tooth. 

Logan adjusts his glasses as his brows furrowed in confusion, the glasses fogged slightly from the steam of the cooking pasta “Interrogate me? What for?” 

“Well see Logan, you never come down to this part of Thomas’s mind. Nor really have you ever shown an interest in our care, save for Remus of course when he’s visiting you but that's just a given.” he makes an offhanded gesture to Remus “So tell me, what is your true motive for all this.” 

Logan pauses in his task of stirring the pasta sauce “My motive?” 

“Yes your motive, I may be intoxicated but I can still tell when something is suspiciousss.” 

Logan tilts his head at the snake side, beginning to absentmindedly stir the pot again. “Have I been acting suspicious. I do suppose a divergence from usual patterns would make something seem suspicious and put you on edge.” he thinks aloud. 

He shakes his head, turning the heat off the stove and mixing the sauce into the noodles. “I have no secret motive, no ulterior plan, I am merely tired of the treatment and order of things...of course that’s now paired with the fact that I am concerned about your alcohol consumption.” 

Deceit rolled his eyes “Well the whole treatment and order is going to be harder to change than just coming over for a visit…” he moves from Remus’s grasp to lean over the back of the couch “And my so called alcohol consump-consumption is fine! I didn’t have a lick of it for a couple of weeks!” Of course that was because he wasn't about to drink such stuff while he was preg- for reasons, wasn’t drinking it for specific reasons he will not ever talk about...yes.

...for a pink and yellow, brown speckled reason currently in his bedroom hidden with the other one. 

Logan hummed, not convinced as he made plates, putting the finished spaghetti on dishes before carrying them to the table “Either way, you two are eating and then getting to bed. No shenanigans or schemes, whatever it is you two do when left alone down here.” 

Deceit can’t help but pout at that, he doesn't have plans for the night but still, he doesn't want to be told what to do and be put to bed like some child thank you very much. 

Remus finishes with the sides hair and scoops him into his arms again. “I can walk myself!” 

“I know” :D

Stuck being carried it seems, the snake side just sighs, there’s no use fighting Remus, they’re both touch starved as is and the dukes pentiant for just snatching and carrying people around is a constant. 

He gets gently deposited into his usual place setting at the head of the table, Remus sitting by his side and eagerly digging into the food...he does notably try at an attempt to be polite and use a fork as he stuffs his face tonight. 

Deceit sulks conjuring himself a wine glass by his bowl, eyes widening when Logan snatches it away and puts a glass of water down. “Excuse me?” 

“No more wine tonight. Water” 

Remus giggles at his expression, the snake side not used to someone trying to boss him around like this. 

He can’t help lifting a challenging eyebrow at the logical side “No wine?” Deceit waves his hand over the glass of water turning it into a glass of whiskey on the rocks “Fine.” 

Logan raises an eyebrow back, clearly unimpressed and frowning. He gives a huff taking the glass, poofing it out of existence and putting a glass of water down once again. 

Deceit flicks his wrist changing the water to vodka, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watches Logan. The logical side huffs “enough” he snaps turning the drink back into water “you will drink the water, eat and then we can assist you to your room for re-” “No!” 

Logan sputters to a stop startled by Deceit’s sudden shout and looking to the snake side with bewilderment.

Deceit blinks before flushing lightly as he looks down at his place sheepishly, he hadn’t even realized he had stood, now seating himself back down. “Apologies...I um I would just prefer not to be in my room tonight.” he pokes at his plate with his fork hoping Logan wont see through his lie

“R-right.” Logan clears his throat, adjusting his tie in that lil tick of his “Well, then um we can make you comfortable on the couch then? Will that suffice?” 

Deceit quickly nods “yes, the couch will be fine.” 

The dinner seems to be rather dull after that, Remus and Logan going back to discussing what Remus had done in the imagination inspired off of the Hannibal episodes they have watched together. Janus watches them chatter fondly, the two animatedly talking and gesturing back and forth...It’s nice seeing the two enjoy themselves like this. Especially Logan, it’s not often you get to see the logical side light up like this. 

With a small hum he stands with his empty bowl taking it over to the sink without a word, not wanting to interrupt. 

He tries to walk past the table without being noticed, if he can sneak past he may be able to make an escape to the imagination and to his two favorite traits. Of course things never go as planned, why would they. Remus immediately perks up and the creaking of his chair is the only warning Janus gets before the creative side pounces, pinning him to the ground.

Janus sighs with a groan “Really? Remus why-” they both pause with confusion and looking to the dining table, hearing a small giggle and a snort. 

Logan was watching them, a hand covering his mouth to stifle the sound of a laugh, eyes full of amusement and fondness...they made the logical side laugh?!

Remus's eyes sparkle surprised that he got Logan to genuinely laugh! He beams excitedly at the logical side “You laughed!” 

Logan blinks, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as he quickly lowers his hands “I-I um think you misheard.” 

Remus shakes his head quickly scooping up Janus and holding him out to Logan like one holds a feral cat away from themselves “No! I heard it! J-eh Dee-Dee did too!” 

Janus gives Logan a disgruntled look but nods, not appreciating how he’s being held “I did here it too. You do realize you can’t exactly lie to me right?” he flicks out his tongue at Logan as if to emphasize he can sense them. 

Logan sighs fiddling with his tie “Remus I don’t think it’s good for you to hold Janus like that. Why don’t you get him to the couch and I can get him some pillows and blankets from his room.” he suggests quickly in an attempt to change the subject. 

Remus nods, eyes still sparkling as he pulls Janus closer, of course it's a bit of an issue when the snake side is wriggling and squirming as if trying to escape. “No! Don’t you dare go into my room!” 

Remus takes a hurried step back conjuring his tentacles again to try and keep a hold of the snake side who's baring his fangs at Logan and hissing angrily. 

Logan flinches, face scrunching with confusion as he quickly puts his hands up “I apologize, I didn’t mean to over step! I won’t go into your room if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

Janus calms, going still in Remus’s arms looking a bit disgruntled as he gives one last soft hiss at Logan. 

Logan huffs and Remus turns around so Janus can’t look at Logan anymore “Welp I think Logan had the right idea, someone had too many silly drinks, bed time!” 

Janus whines “I did not have too many, and I'm not tired. Put me down.” 

Remus shakes his head dropping Janus right onto the couch “Nope, it's bedtime! I’m putting you to bed and ain’t nothing you doing about it.” Janus makes more unhappy noises before squeaking at the sudden weight of Remus flopping on top of him. 

“You're not even going to let me get comfortable?” 

“Nope” >:3

Janus huffs glaring at the ceiling of the living room resigned. 

Logan smiles making his way over “Maybe it would be best to let him get comfortable, I don’t think I’ll be able to sit with you otherwise.” he pauses “That is of course if it's alright if I stay?” 

Janus sighs as Remus quickly scoots off him “Might as well, you’ve made yourself at home thus far.” he sits up to move to the side so that Remus and Logan can probably cuddle, only to stiffen up when he’s suddenly squished between the two sides. 

Remus wiggles some before snapping his fingers and changing them all into comfortable t shirts and pajama shorts before wrapping Janus up in a blanket “You gotta wrap Dee up in a blanket so he can burrow and stay warm, otherwise you get a grumpy snek who can’t sleep.” 

Janus sputters glaring at Remus from his cozy blanket burrito“Don’t give away my weaknesses!” 

Remus ignores him, smiling at Logan “and squish him! He sleeps best when squished” 

Janus hisses as Remus leans on him more, and makes an offended noise when he is shushed by the creative side. And again when Logan leans on him next. He’s definitely squished between the two sides now. 

No escape! Damn it!

Remus snickers resting his chin on top of Janus’s head as Janus yawns, his forked tongue curling. Janus huffs giving a weak shove at the creative side. 

Logan watches fondly “You two seem...rather close? But I suppose that’s a given with the two of you living together down here for so long?” 

Remus nods “Something like that, and well-” he shrugs unsure what the right words would be “ I don’t know, I’m wild and feral and got no boundaries, and Dee’s the exact opposite, balance each other, I guess.” 

Logan nods, watching amusedly as Janus’s eyes grow heavy. 

“You would think that we would hate each other but we kinda just found our own system of things together that works for us…” Virgil used to be part of that too, but well...guess yeah win some you lose some or...whatever that saying is.

Logan hums resting his head near Remus’s “and...you don’t suppose...that I could possibly join this system? I um” Logan clears his throat looking away nervously “I um mean more so if its alright I keep visiting for the most part. You always visit me an-” “yes” 

Logan pauses looking to Remus 

“Yes, you can come visit, it’s not like we can stop you” Remus smirks at him “think of yourself as an honorary member here, i'll make ya a badge and everything.” 

Logan smiles before they both blink and look down, hearing soft sleeping noises coming from Janus, a lil bit of his tongue sticking out as he sleeps. 

Remus snickers at that, getting himself more comfy. "Heheh… sleeping snek…"

[random-mha-thoughts]

Fake (Tamaki x Reader)

Pairing: Tamaki x Fem!Reader

Someone messaged me with the request: “I was thinking about if one of the boys had a fem friend and they are hanging out one day and some guy won't leave them alone so they act as if the boy is their boyfriend to make the guy go away and after the boy actually really liked being called her bf and they realize the feelings they had for them were not as platonic as they first thought? Always thought this was cute!!" They also gave me the option to do Bakugou or Tamaki, so I went with Tamaki

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 2,220

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n: Thank you for the request and the kind messages dear! SO sorry this one took a while, I wanted to take the time and do Tamaki properly and I was also generally just burnt out so I really hope I did it justice and you like it!

I meant to finish this last night because I thought I would keep it short, but instead it ended up being 2.2k words?? And I fell asleep writing it (no joke, when I woke up there was a huge line of 3s on my screen) and I finished it during the day today.

"I've always thought cotton candy was a magical type of snack," I comment, happily chomping away at the sugary treat melting in my mouth.  "It's the type of thing that makes you feel like a kid again!"

"Mm, I guess so," Tamaki responds, taking another bite of his takoyaki.

"Do you want a bite?"

The boy's indigo eyes barely gaze down and it before he immediately takes the bite for himself.  His munching really makes him look childish as the treat is supposed to do.  "I was never fond of cotton candy.  I guess I just naturally prefer animal treats because of my quirk."

"Yeah, that's understandable."  I stare off into the distance, eyeing the giant roller coaster looming in front of us.  My heart quickens at the sight, the anticipation building inside me.  "Tama, we gotta get on that coaster!"

At the word, his face goes completely blank.  "C-Coaster?"

"Come on Tama, please?" I whine.  "We've only been to all the carnival games and the mild rides, just one?"  I know my poor friend has terrible fear of...everything, but I gotta have my fun too!  And I wouldn't want to leave him out from my experiences, nor would I want to leave him alone in this crowded place.

His quivering figure attempts to breath in a sigh.  "O-Okay, but you have to hold onto me when we get on, okay?  You know how much I hate that h-high up."

I loop an arm around his shoulder, pulling him all-too eagerly towards the coaster.  "I'll be right next to you! It won't be that scary, I promise!"  I don't know if he believes me, but he keeps in pace with me as I speed-walk over.

Once we get there, we find the line is a good twenty minute wait to get in.  My feet tap impatiently in the concrete floor.  Tamaki and I are polar opposite friends; I'm the loudmouth while he's more reserved, I take risks while he keeps to the safe route, I chase more thrilling adventures while he'd rather keep to the more tame ones.  I don't mind putting his comfort first most of the time, but the one thing I can't give up is being at an amusement park and not going on the coasters.  They practically call to me, dangling themselves in front of me while screams entice me with promises of thrill.  It's like the architects know how to attract crazies like me.

When I open my mouth to comfort Tamaki - who's staring up at the coaster like he's about to die - the person behind him catches my attention.  My lips form into a solid line and I grab my friend's forearm just a hint rougher than I usually do.

The boy snaps out of his reverie quickly.  He understands the gesture and leans in.  "What's wrong?"

"I think the guy standing behind us has been following us for a while," I whisper low enough so only he can hear.  Tamaki's eyes widen and he's about to turn around when I make a face for him to freeze and not look back.  "Just act natural, I'll take care of it if he tries something."

Not long after we keep carrying on our conversation, Tamaki takes a call on his phone and the guy finally speaks up.  "This ride must be pretty swell if the line's so long for it."

"Yeah, I'm pretty excited for it," I respond.  As long as his intentions are still up in the air, I'll be polite to him.  No reason to be hostile right off the bat.

Rocking back and forth on his feet, he asks, "Do you come here often?"

I shrug.  "Not really, only every once in a while.  My work and school keep me busy."

"I see."  He pauses for a moment.  "So are you too busy for a relationship?"

Oh for fuck's sake.  "I'm not in the market for a boyfriend right now, thank you."

The guy scoots just a tiny bit closer to me.  "Come on, I'm sure you'd change your mind if you got to know me better.  We could just talk for now."

He's persistent.  I suppress the urge to roll my eyes into the back of my head.  "I don't think that's a good idea."  I don't even want to look this guy in the face.  Maybe if I show how uninterested I am, he'll get the message and back off.  I move up in the line when the people in front of us step forward.

"You won't know until you try."  He touches my arm, "Just give me-"

I back my arm away and I glare holes through his skull.  "Why are you touching me?"

"You just weren't looking, I thought it was pretty rude," he shrugs.

I'm almost appalled by how innocent he thinks he is.  How is that okay?  "We just met two seconds ago, you have no right to touch me at all."

The guy lets out a dry laugh.  "I don't know why you're being so uptight and closed off."

Bitch, did you just call me 'uptight'??!!  I'm about to punch this guy right up to the front of the line.

"H-Honey?  What's wrong?"

My head whips around a full 180 degrees to Tamaki, who's finished his call and his eyes are shifting between me and the stranger.  "I-Is he bothering you?"

My stomach does a flip recalling the term of endearment he used earlier.  Thankfully, I know what he's trying to do.  "Yeah, babe.  This guy won't leave me alone."  I shift over towards my friend and grasp his arm.  If we're gonna play this, we're gonna play it right.

The strange guy analyzes the two of us, shifting his eyes back and forth.  "This guy is your boyfriend?"  He's clearly unconvinced.

"Yeah, you got a problem?" I cock an eyebrow, slightly stepping up to assert my dominance.

After a few more awkward seconds, the guy snickers.  "You're dating this guy?  You're barely touching him and he's shaking like a little bitch."

The fury shoots right through me.  No one calls my Tamaki a little bitch and gets away with it.  I'm aboutta end this man's whole life-

Tamaki places a calming hand on my own before I can fully explode on him.  "I-It's okay, sweetie, it doesn't hurt me."

The term immediately washes me over with warmth that cools down my hot anger.  Not to mention my heart's beating a little faster at this affectionate contact.

The moment breaks when the idiot in front of us laughs again.  "You guys can't be dating.  You don't even look like a couple."

"We don't have to be all over each other making out to look like a couple," I roll my eyes.  I've had just about enough of this guy.  "Some of us can keep it in our pants, you know."

"Yeah, but you guys haven't done anything couple-y."

I snort.  What an idiot.  "First of all, thanks for admitting you're a stalker who's been watching us.  Second of all, we shared snacks earlier, I'm sure you must have caught us."

"Big whoop, that's nothing!"  An evil smirk spreads across his face.  "Why don't you two kiss, right here and now?  Prove me wrong."

The rogue thought of kissing Tamaki enters my mind like a bullet and my heart skips a beat.  I shake myself out of that.  "We don't need to take orders from someone like you.  You probably get off to that because you're so lonely, don't you?"

"No need to take it that far, sweetie-"

That's the last straw.  Before I can do anything, Tamaki's wraps a tentacle around the guy's body, lifting him up and constricting his movement temporarily.  His gaze is blank and he nods for me to go ahead with my confrontation.  We make a pretty good team.  I turn back to the guy, pinning him with my deadliest glare.  "You've crossed so many lines today, Mr. Harasser.  We've both had just about enough of your stupidity.  If you don't want us to report you to police for sexual harassment, you'd better run along and stop following us.  Or else my boyfriend here will dangle you off the side of this roller coaster, got it?"

One look into mine and Tamaki's eyes removes the color from the guy's face.  Knowing Tamaki, he's got his hero face on, and I know first hand how intimidating he can look when he does that.  As soon as Tamaki lets him wriggle free, he runs off to the back of the line alone.

"What an ass," I huff, the image of the guy running with his tail between his legs amusing to me.  "Some guys just don't know when to quit."  I cling onto Tamaki's arm and rest my head on his shoulder.  "Good thing you were here to help me get rid of him, hm?"

"Y-Yeah, I guess."  His face turns five shades redder.

It feels weird to be close to him like this now, even if we've shared our personal space like this many times before.  I'm reminded of Tamaki calling me "honey" earlier, sending a fresh set o f shivers through me.  I never knew I needed to hear that from him before.  Tamaki's always been a great friend and we've become so close.  I never realized just how close we've gotten.

"Y-You know," he scratches his ear with his free hand, "I'm kind of...glad I came with you today.  I don't think I'd like it if someone else was with you to act as your fake boyfriend..."

Oh.  That's a pretty bold and straightforward statement, and it's coming from Tamaki of all people.  The implication finally hits me at once and my own face heats up.  "You mean-"

Tamaki grabs my arm suddenly and starts shaking even more violently than normal.  We'd made it to almost the front of the line, almost about to get into the car.  "I-I-If I s-survive this," he gulps, "I'll finish.  B-But you have to h-hold onto me like you promised!"

I knit our fingers together, the rush of both getting on the coaster and hearing what he has to say mixing together, even I can't help shaking slightly in anticipation.  I don't let go of his hand as we get on and secure ourselves in.  His eyes are screwed shut as we're slowly pulled to the top of the hill.  I squeeze tighter on his hand.  "You can do this Tamaki, I'm right here."

He lets out a cute little whine when the car was pulled just enough to the front for us to look down at the impending fall.

"Just scream and let it all out!"

The coaster finally pushes forward and my stomach lurches.  Tamaki lets out the loudest scream out of everyone on the ride with us.  The rush is intense, our bodies flinging and the wind gusting against us.  I start screaming myself out of pure pleasure, still grasped on his hand that's squeezing the blood out of mine.  Even as we pull into the start again and we're unlocked, Tamaki's eyes are sealed shut.

"Tama, it's over, open your eyes now," I giggle.

"I-I'm too dizzy."

I help steady him to get up and out, even wrapping his arm around my shoulder to steady him as we descend the steps away from the ride.  I can feel his entire body shaking down to his knees.  "How do you feel?"

It takes a few moments of scrambled mumbles before he can say something coherent.  "That was scarier than raiding the Shie Hassaikai."

I chuckle again at his nerves.  "At least you're a little more guaranteed to live from this.  And you survived."

As we finally cross through the exit gate, he sweeps me aside, albeit shakily, pushing our foreheads together.  "I did," he breathes before pressing his lips to mine.  I hold onto his back and pull him closer, melting into his quivering kiss.  My heart beats faster after just calming down from the ride.

Tamaki pulls away from me and pushes his forehead on my shoulder.  "Give me a second, my head hurts."

His little whining softens me, threading my hands in his hair to calm him down.  "It's okay, baby boy, take a second."

He stiffens at my pet name for him.  He lifts his head up and finally gazes at me.  "Y-You're pretty great, as a friend and a person.  You're the only person I'd want to be a pretend boyfriend for, and I hope I'm the only one you'd do that for me too."

"Why would I want to be fake girlfriend for someone I want to actually date?"

His face turns even more crimson in response to that.  "O-Oh. Okay."

"But if we're gonna date, you're gonna have to get used to going on roller coasters with me," I tease him.

And just like that, all that blush drains from his face and he shivers again.

I can't help kissing his cute little nose and wrapping my arms around him.  "I'm just playing with you, Tama.  But at least every once in a while, just so you can get over your fear.  And you'll get a kiss and ice cream afterwards."

The adorable smile on his face threatens to melt my knees into mush.  "Okay!"

[lesberrian]

take the shot

Chapter 1: lets kill this monster

Resting his chin on his hands, the principal sighs. “Listen, you two are my most brilliant international students here. Kiki Arata and Mio Rivera I’m willing to make an offer with the two of you just this once. Either you get expelled or sent to the E class.”

Kiki smiles on the inside, not letting her poker face break. “Doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I mean if I go to E class no school wants me and if I get expelled no school would want me.”

“I gotta agree with her sir, sounds like a lose-lose for us.” Mio yawns before rubbing the spot she punched him. ‘Not normally on the receiving end of her hits. Can’t say I’m excited for later either.’

The smile on his face is something Kiki would describe as ‘the evilest look I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen some evil looks’. He pulls out a file and places it before them. It seems to have some octopus-like creature that weirdly resembles an emoji as well inside it. “This is why you started the fight, yes? So you had reason to be sent to E class and kill this thing off is it not?”

‘Shit… he’s fucking with us. He has to be! Goddamnit! He wasn’t supposed to know.’ Keeping her cool on the outside only Mio can tell just how mad she is.

“Welp, caught us red-handed, sir. Suppose you know the old reason we were here too?” Mio laughs, trying to play it cool when he’s just as upset. ‘Was he told? He couldn’t have figured it out. No that’s impossible he’s too closed-minded.’

The man glares at the two students in front of his desk. “I do. And if this were any other circumstance I would be much more upset. But I’m willing to drop this all and send you to E class.”

Crossing her arms and huffing, kiki rolls her eyes. “Yeah yeah, whatever. We know everything already can we switch classes next week or what?”

Gakuho’s eye twitches in anger. “Don’t forget I’m still in charge here. I could call this whole thing off if I wanted.”

Standing up she grabs Mio by the jacket and forces him up too. “We know you won’t though. See ya’.”

“You’re going to keep this class until the deadline.” Mio stares down at the principal. “Otherwise I’ll make sure the chemistry lab’s chemicals make their way into the city’s water supply.”

Kiki walks out of the office, slamming the door behind her. “Honestly boys can be so annoying.”

The two men in the office continue to stare at each other until Mio turns around. “Whatever. Don’t think I’m joking though.”

The door closes normally unlike when Kiki left. Gakuho closes his eyes for a moment to regain his composure. He wasn’t scared of them, they’re just children after all. As long as they are at his school he is the one at the top no matter what they think. No, he’s more annoyed and unsettled by the odd students.

Mio notices that Kiki was already gone from the hallway. Not bothering to catch up with her he turns the corner only to fall down.

“What the..?” Moving his hand to his nose he looks up. He got punched. She had punched him in the face. “The hell was that for, huh?”

Kiki shrugs, “Dunno. At least you’ll have a reason to hit me Monday.” Pulling him up by the sleeve for what he swears is the 20th time today, she heads off to go home leaving him behind. “I call not it on cooking!”

“Whatever just order takeout or something!” He catches up to her quickly, thanking God she wasn’t running. “Governments money we’re on anyways. Not like it comes out of our paycheck.”

Kiki smirks, “Even if it did, the 10 billion would definitely cover it.” She flips her hair behind her shoulder. “Once this is over I’m going to have a field day at the mall.”

Mio deadpans. “Don’t tell me you’re going to spend it all so quickly…”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to spend it all so quickly” She mocks in a high-pitched voice. “Man, knowing what we do there’s a good chance I’ll end up dead soon. I can’t feel pain so I could bleed out and not even know. Not like you could understand.”

Kiki was annoyed. She always got upset over the smallest things. Everyone always wishes they can’t feel pain no matter what she said. All the scars on her body because of her condition should be proof enough that life without pain is hell.

“Right, sorry.” Mio looks away from her, focusing on the ground. Kiki looks at him in annoyed confusion. “Guess if I was in your situation I would focus on right now too.”

She clicks her tongue. “Yeah, I guess you would.”

Walking off campus she keeps an eye on him, wondering what’s up with him. Before about two months ago, he would’ve fought back with her. They got along fine but because of her moods, arguments broke out pretty often. ‘Is he just giving up on the arguments? Decided there’s no point since it always ends the same way? Ugh, he’s so annoying’

Pulling out her phone she orders something to be delivered. “Hey, what do you want for-” She notices there’s a huge cut on her arm. “Oh. Good thing I have an extra shirt.”

Mio glances over. “When did that happen?” Looking behind them, he notices a sharp piece of metal sticking out of the fence she was walking near. He points at it nonchalantly. “Maybe that?”

“Sure, makes sense.” She agrees before going back to the topic before. “Anyways as I was saying what do you want for dinner? I’m thinking sushi.”

“Sounds good, what about the one over near the theater?”

Kiki’s face scrunches up in disgust. “Absolutely not. That place smelled so bad I think I felt pain.”

Mio starts laughing at her over-exaggeration. “Yeah, I think a skunk ran that store. But seriously this time the one on that corner street a bit from the house is good.”

“One by the house…” she mutters, trying to think of what he’s talking about. “Oh yeahhhh, that one. Yeah, let’s go there.”

Before they turn the opposite way of their house to go to the restaurant, Kiki stops and heads to the house. “Probably should bandage this up and change. Plus it’s still early.” Smiling a bit she laughs at the first time she didn’t notice she was bleeding and walked into the store. “You know, no matter how old I get, other people’s reaction never changes.”

After wrapping her arm, she heads over to Mio’s room. Knocking on the door she waits until he answers. Hearing a ‘come in’ she opens the door and leans against the frame. “You have the anti-octopus stuff?”

“Yeah, come here I’ll show you some of the things we get to use.” Standing up, he goes to the box they were sent and places it on the bed, grabbing what he made as well he starts prepping it. “We ready to kill this octopus monstrosity or what?”

“Hell yeah, that ten billion is ours.” Looking at what’s in his hand she fake gags. “Now hurry up and get this over with.”

“Yes, your majesty.” He bows with a goofy smile before doing what she asked. “Alright, let me grab my wallet and we can go.”

Arriving at the restaurant, Kiki notices someone from school. Nudging Mio she nods her head towards him. “That’s Nagisa. Goes to our school.”

“And we should care why? We’re in E class now, doubt he’ll talk to us.” Mio shugs.

Rolling her eyes, Kiki brings him over to Nagisa’s Table.

“Nagisa. Tell me how to kill your teacher.” She sits down in front of him. Mio stays standing. He’s caught on to the fact that Nagisa is in E class and decided to play along with whatever Kiki is doing.

Nagisa stammers, obviously flustered by this question. “I- I’m sorry- Uh- Did you just ask how to-”

“We’re in E class as of now and wanna know how to kill that thing.” Mio stares down at him. Kiki almosts laugh at him being so serious as he came crying to her about not knowing how to bleach his hair before the school year started. “And since us two have a better chance of killing that teacher than any of you combined, if you help us we might give you some of the money.”

There’s a silence between the three of them and Kiki sighs. “Listen, if you don’t know how to kill it then tell us some ways you’ve tried. Knock it off the list for us.”

Nagisa hesitates before bringing out his notebook with Koro-Sensei’s weaknesses. “These are his weaknesses I’ve gathered so far. Go ahead and look. Also, we call him Koro-sensei.” Handing the notebook to the girl in front she tosses it to Mio and stares at Nagisa, waiting to go on. “So far, Karma’s the only one who’s been able to land a hit on him. Cut up the knife and taped it to his hands. When he shook his hand, he got a tentacle. Don’t try a suicide method either. He tried to fall off a cliff so he would be forced to die saving him or let a student die. Koro-sensei just made a net underneath him..”

Mio smirks. “Smart kid. Did anything else work?”

Nagisa shakes his head. “No, I tried a grenade on myself-”

“Damn, Nagisa.” Kiki laughs. “Did not expect that from you, I like that.”

“Well, looking at you right now must mean it failed,” Mio says, making Kiki move so he can sit down.

Before they could continue, a waitress comes over. “Hello, is there anything I can get you?”

‘Oh yeah, we came here for food.’ Kiki realizes. The three of them order what they want and when she leaves the two assassins continue to integrate the poor boy. For the rest of the time they spent at the restaurant, the main conversation was about Koro-sensei. When the waitress came back with the check, Mio and kiki covered Nagisa’a bill.

“Payment for your information. Plus this is the government’s money we’re on.” Kiki says, taking the last sip of her drink before standing up. “See you on Monday, Nagisa.”

Leaving the boy in the restaurant, he questions everything that just happened while heading home. ‘E class sure is special…”

Over the weekend, Mio made sure they had everything they needed to kill Koro-sensei while Kiki did research on everyone in the class, even going and finding some of them in public to talk and see how they behave. Waking up early on Monday, they make their way up the mountain to the old building. Arriving slightly late so they were sure everyone was there, they see Koro-sensei through the window.

“You do have the first aid kit right?” Kiki asks. Mio nods and she smiles. “Good.”

Punching him straight in the jaw with her right fist before turning to the side and using her left foot to kick him in the side.

Getting up he mutters, “Little less hard, this is fake, remember?” Before tackling her to the ground, she slips out of his grip easily and runs to the classroom, pulling off her sweater. Mio grabs it before it’s fully off her head and slams her into the glass. Pulling her back her fully slams her into it, successfully breaking it and tossing her into the classroom. The class sits there in horror while Koro-sensei doesn’t move to do anything yet. Standing up with no issue, Kiki grabs Mio, making sure he doesn’t land in the glass.

“Get out of my way and let me kill him, Arata.” Mio spits some blood out and glares up at her. He grabs the knife dedicated for Koro-sensei and goes to stab him. Kiki pushes him out of the way and he pulls out the real knife and slashes her right side while going for the teacher.

Koro-sensei finally pulls him away and Kiki fakes collapses, pretending to be in pain. Slowly getting up she staggers over to him and he goes to touch her face to see how bad the bleeding is. Right when he does his tentacle explodes off of him. Both assassins take his moment of shock to attack. Mio cuts the tentacles holding him and aims for the head while Kiki launches her entire body onto him. Getting some tentacles destroyed, he realizes what’s happening and quickly moves using his speed. Neither hesitates to continue aiming for him. Mio with his gun and knife and kiki using herself and a knife.

“This is all your fault this failed you useless waste of space!” Kiki turns her attention to Mio, going to attack him instead. He blocks her attacks and goes to stab her with his real knife again and she decides to back out of the class. While Koro-sensei is taking time to recover from what just happened, the two new students left. Nagisa and Karma run to find them. Karma was impressed by the two and Nagisa was concerned for them both. Other classmates followed and so does Koro-sensei. Getting to the two, Kiki is backed onto the branch Karma jumped off of.

Karma’s eyes widen in excitement “Jeez, Nagisa! You really know these people?!”

“For fucks sake I can’t believe they thought that you of all people would be able to kill him! You can’t even kill me!” Mio laughs in anger, before walking on the branch to her. Kiki takes a step back and the branch snaps, causing her to fall.

Both teens automatically forget their act and Kiki screams in fear. Mio, in a moment of panic, jumps after her. Grabbing onto her and pulling her close to him they both close their eyes tightly.

“Guess I’m not getting that shopping trip…” Kiki tries to joke before they both hit the mountain ground and die.

Mio pulls her as close and he can, flipping himself to have his back against the ground. “I’m sorry… I lo-”

Both of them are wrapped in a large white sheet and brought back up being set down onto the ground, neither of them moves from their position. Mio sighs shakily and what happens finally catches up to both of them

“Holy shit...” Kiki mumbles quietly.

Mio grabs onto her in a panic. “Are you ok?! Jesus christ I almost killed you!” Picking her up he runs back to where they dropped their bags. He grabs them both and brings them into an empty room with no windows. Setting her down gently on a desk he grabs all the first aid, rushing back to her.

Before he can do anything, Kiki puts her hands on his shoulders, looking up at him from the desk. Before you try to play doctor I’m going to need you to take a breath. I don’t know what got into you but I’m okay. We didn’t kill him but we still have time. Don’t rush to fix me so we can try again.”

Mio closes his eyes and takes a breath, trying to calm his nerves. “Right, I was just…” Looking at her he realizes she’s going to need to take off her shirt for him to get all the glass out. “Uh, you’re gonna have to take your shirt off.”

“I cannot allow that to happen I’m afraid.” Koro-sensei appears next to them. “Sexual acts are not allowed on campus.”

Both of them turn red, Kiki yelling at the teacher. “HE DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT HE JUST HAS TO GET THE GLASS OUT OF MY BACK AND BANDAGE ME UP YOU UGLY, PERVY, NASTY OCTOPUS!”

Thankfully for them, Another teacher comes to help them out. Karasuma is there to get the octopus to leave them alone. Once he’s gone, Karasuma clears his throat. “I’m sorry about him. I would like to congratulate you on your attempt to kill him. You two have gotten farther than anyone else here has.”

“Yeah… we know.” Mio is still embarrassed by what Koro-sensei said. “Kinda our job to kill him.”

Kiki hides her embarrassment and goes back to her normal, uncaring tone. “Now, could you leave so we can finish this? Just cause I can’t feel it doesn’t mean I’m not bleeding.”

“I’ll leave now.” Shutting the door, he leaves the two teens sitting in silence not looking at the other.

“Well, he should hurry up, I’m sure the class has questions…” Kiki unbuttons her shirt and pulls it off so he can get to what he needs.

“...right. Uh let me grab the stuff, hold on.” While tending to her wounds, he tries to focus on only the glass and cuts, not wanting to make it any more awkward. ‘Damn octopus, if it wasn’t for him it wouldn’t be so awkward right now. I’ve done this plenty of times before. Why did he have to make her uncomfy?’ After 30 minutes she was completely bandaged up and put her other uniform on. “Have you seen my sweater?” Looking behind her as she fixes the last button she sees it in front of where’s he’s sitting. ‘Is he even listening?’

Reaching over him to grab it she quickly puts it on. Seeing he has earbuds in she purses her lips. ‘He’s so weird sometimes. He was all panicky and now he’s not even listening to me.’ Poking him he takes out his earbuds. “Come on, dummy. Gotta go to class now.”

“We should skip.” He looks at her. “I don’t know if I should even let you be walking. Some of the glass went deep into your leg and too much movement will mess with the bandaids.”

“Stop being such a mom. Besides, that’s less of a chance of killing him.” Grabbing her bag she opens the door, staring at him expectantly. “Besides, you were the one who was in a rush to fix me up for a second chance.”

“That’s…” He trails off ‘not the reason I was so scared.’ deciding not to say that he shakes his head “That’s fair I suppose.”

“Good,” Her eyes darken, “Now, let’s kill our teacher.”

[a-table-of-fics]

Oddworld: Conar's Ambition, Chapter 5, Draft 1

Conar woke up to the sound of a Mudokon banging against the metal floor with a grunt. He instinctively rolled himself up to a standing position, grabbing his gun and preparing to shout out.

He could see Slim lying on the ground, groaning and rubbing his head. Above, he could spot Mark, reaching down to try to help Slim up.

“Hey!” Conar barked. “Where do ya think you’re goin’?!”

“I-it was Slim’s idea!” Mark called out, frantically.

Slim only spent a moment glaring at Mark for that, knowing that an angry Slig was looking right at him.

“Y-yeah,” he said, backing up slowly. “We were gonna look into that hideout that’s right over there. Figure it’d be safer than being out here with an open roof, ‘specially with those hanging around.”

He pointed to the side, where Conar could see a Suppressor. Its red eye wasn’t turned to either of them; instead, the floating red sensor was floating in a corner, looking at another corner.

“What’re you talkin’ about? Those things are just there to watch you guys for wrong…doing…”

Conar realized what he just said, and started to circle around Slim, slowly making his way under the Suppressor. Once he made it out of its view, he moved his Blunderbuss from Slim to the mechanical eye. A few shots later and it started to fall, the light fading from it. He tried to duck out of the way, but the bots fall twisted and spun as it landed square on his back.

“Hey!” he called out, after his cry of pain. “Gimme a hand, wouldya?”

Slim took a couple steps towards him, but stopped. Conar got the feeling it wasn’t just the alarm that started blaring in the air.

“What’re you waitin’ for, Slim?!” he demanded. “Get this thing offa me!”

“You know,” Slim said, “I’ve been waiting for a moment like this for all my life. No more Sligs watchin’ us. No more taking orders. Mark and I, we’ll be free!”

“And who freed you, chump?” Conar retorted. “You couldn’t have gotten out of there without me! You won’t last two minutes without me!”

“I’ll take my chances. You can get someone else to push your ride.”

“You idiot!” Conar shouted. “I couldn’t blow our cover there!”

“Oh, sure,” Slim said, rolling his eyes. “It was the cover.”

He turned around, taking Mark’s hand and climbing up out of the train.

“Well, sayanora!” Slim said, before the two of them disappeared from Conar’s view.

“You traitorous lil’…” Conar started, before trying to pull himself out of the wreck.

He grunted and wheezed before suddenly popping out of his Pants. He was just able to crawl out from under the Suppressor and grab his bag, but there was no chance of him getting his Pants again. Not only was he alone, but he was helpless without his legs. He crawled around in the vain hope of finding a different pair or maybe even a flying harness, but the train car was as empty as before.

The alarms in the distance were soon punctuated with the conflicted chatter of Slim and Mark. Conar couldn’t hear all of it, but he hear things like “No, this marking means…” and “B-better hurry, I think I hear…” and “where is it?!”

The talk changed to more frantic gibbering as all three could hear Slogs barking, getting ever closer. Louder and louder, until they were snarling and snapping, and he could hear the Mudokons whimpering, the sound of metal scraping and falling as they presumably scrambled to higher ground.

“Serves ‘em right,” Conar muttered. “I gave ‘em a chance out, and what do they do? Ugh.”

He paced around on his hands for a moment, before spotting something. Some kind of bird graffiti etched into a darker corner of the train. Crawling over, he could see a crack in the panel, and he could see a full tunnel through there. Those Scrubs would have appreciated that; he figured what Slim was talking about was some kind of marking to this location.

Not that he needed Slim or Mark anymore. They fulfilled their purposes; who cared if they became Slog food now? He’d find another way to get to Zeb, once he got some Pants again. And besides, without his Pants, he’d be completely useless to help those two out, even if he wanted to.

He groaned, before giving a sharp whistle. The ravenous barking stopped for a moment.

“Here, boy,” he called out.

Three Slogs came into view, looking down at him. One of them was an older Slog, judging by her massive size, but the other two… well, they were just pups, really. Must have been born here, and were probably the offspring of the larger one. They were thinner than most Slogs he’d seen, and it was clear the mother was the only one of them raised or trained properly. Poor things probably just wanted a decent meal. Conar could sympathize, but he hoped he could dissuade them from trying Mudokon Mulch.

“Stay,” he said, keeping his eyes focused on the Slogs while he felt to search for his bag of supplies. It was a miracle he hadn’t brought it with him when he walked under the Suppressor. Reaching into it, past the ammunition, drinks, and cigarettes, he found that he was looking for: a whole package of Meep Jerky.

“You want some food? Huh?”

The mother Slog panted excitedly, her pups soon to follow.

Conar opened the food, and started to throw some of the largest pieces of jerky out of the train. After a few morsels were thrown out, the Slogs ran off to enjoy their treats, and Conar sighed, relieved he could do something still.

It was hard to hear anything over the Sloggies devouring the tough jerky, but he thought he could hear hushed chatter between the two Mudokon deserters. Sure enough, they were looking down on him a few minutes later.

“What was that?” Slim asked, smiling a little. “I mean, not that I’m not grateful, but you got bored of the Slogs attackin’ us that fast?”

“Yeah,” Conar replied, grinning under his tentacled visage, “you guys’re pretty boring screamers.”

He dragged himself over to the panel he saw before, lifting it slightly.

“This the place you were lookin’ for?”

“Maybe,” Slim said, hopping down. Mark followed suit as soon as Slim was with Conar. “Can’t say for sure, though; the graffiti was all wrong at the fridges, but did you see anything down…”

He looked at the wall, and saw the bird drawing.

“…here…”

It wasn’t a fat bird like the ones on the refrigerators, and it was a lot cleaner than the scratchings he saw back at the Slugbite Motel. He found himself drawn to it, his fingertips circling around it.

“HEY!” Conar shouted, snapping him from these thoughts. “We can’t focus on the pretty pictures; we got us a hideout to hide in!”

“R-right,” Slim nodded, feeling weirdly off-balance. “Lemme just get the door…”

He and Mark easily swung the panel open, and he grabbed Conar by the wrist.

“Hey!” Conar demanded, trying in vain to wrest his hand back. “Get offa me!”

“You think any Mudokons there’ll take kindly to some Slig going in?” Slim asked. “Come on, we gotta be dragging you in! Besides…”

Conar couldn’t help but feel an air of smugness.

“…you said it; a Slig without Pants ain’t worth the powder in his gun.”

The pantsless Slig sighed, trying to keep his bag close to his chest as they pulled him through.

The tunnel walls were lined with all sorts of trash, from old tires to old rails to piles of Slog chew toys. Conar picked up a rubber facsimile of a Glukkon that was relatively intact. The purple-suited toy had very few bite marks. After all, the Glukkon-shaped ones were designed to discourage Slogs from attacking the real deal with a bad taste. Of course, anyone who worked with Slogs personally knew that wouldn’t stop them from taste-testing their bosses.

He squeezed the Gluk in his hand as he was carried along. It served as a great reminder of why he left, and why he was putting up with this nonsense; so he could press a real Glukkon under his thumb.

He tucked the squeaky toy into his bag, and dropped the bag from his tentacles to his hand.

“Would it kill ya to get a better grip?” he asked, looking up at Slim. “My arm’s gettin’ tired.”

He could see Slim look at him, look at Mark, and then stop, giving a smile.

“Sure,” he said. “I don’t think this is working for me either, really.”

With that, he violently pulled Conar up. Conar, for his part, was shocked that he yelped in a very un-Slig-like way, dropping his bag to cover his mouth with his hand. Before he could reach for it again, his arm was grabbed, and he was tucked under Slim’s arm, his own arms pinned. Reaching with his tentacles was no good; as long as they were, he could not reach the ground from here. He scowled as Mark picked the bag up, handing it to Slim and looking on in awe.

“Yeah, what are you lookin’ at?”

“It-it’s that easy to p-pick you guys up?” Mark managed. He was somewhere between shock and amusement, and he made no effort to hide it on his face.

“Enjoy it while you can, twerp. Once I get Pants again, you’re gonna live to regr—Mmmph! Mmmph?!”

He struggled, but Slim had his hand clamped over Conar’s mouth.

“Shut up!” Slim hissed. “You don’t wanna scare ‘em off, do ya?”

“Mm,” Conar grumbled.

The three of them walked forward and turned the corner to see several Mudokons lounging in the orange glow of a rusty heater. A couple of them were lazily drinking from dirty bottles, while others snacked on crushed Paramite Pies. One with light-green skin looked up at Slim and Mark.

“Heya!” he called out, waving. “Welcome to the club!”

“What is this place?” Slim asked, looking around. A lot of the junk here looked like it was more deliberately placed than in the tunnel. Some of the half-melted bottles on one wall were even the same color as each other.

“You don’t know?” another asked, a shorter Mud with somewhat longer feathers almost covering his entire scalp. “We quit, just like you guys! Layin’ low, maxing and relaxing…”

He moved some feathers out of his eyes, and they widened as they focused on Conar.

“Oh wow, you took one of those guys out?” he nodded appreciatively. “Nice!”

“Mmph!” Conar protested as the rest came over to look at him. Being surrounded by six Mudokons total, some holding makeshift weapons just in case, in his state wasn’t ideal.

“How’d you get ‘im out of those legs?”

“Did he give you any trouble?”

“What should we do with him?”

“You think we could use him for something?”

“Can’t let him rat us out…”

Slim swatted hands and metal points away.

“Watch it,” he said, stepping back. “He’s been helpin’ us get here!”

He watched as everyone else’s jaws gaped in stunned silence. His eyes darted between them, and he finally relaxed as they all burst into laughter.

“Aw, man,” the light-green one said, grabbing Slim’s shoulder, “You really had me going there! A Slig helpin’ one of us?!”

“You know what a Slig is, right?” asked a Mudokon covered in soot. “They don’t help anyone. They don’t even think about helping their own!”

“They can’tthink,” the mop-topped one said. “Just got a tiny brain in their trigger fingers!”

The others started laughing again, while Conar sneered.

“A lot of big talk comin’ from a buncha layabouts!” he protested.

“Oh, we’re the bums? Who did the work for you guys while you napped and smoked?”

“I oughta throw you to the Slogs!”

“You guys don’t do nothin’!”

Conar realized he should have kept his mouth shut as they began to get closer, some of them preparing their weapons once more. Slim was slowly stepping back, but it wasn’t enough to avoid the crowd. He braced himself for a world of pain, looking at their faces of righteous anger, but Mark had stepped forward.

“Hang on,” he said. “It s-sounds crazy, but th-that guy did help us get here… S-sure, he’s a Slig, b-but he c-covered for me with Clunk and distracted some Sloggies for us…”

The encroaching Mudokons stopped, stepping back to consider this.

“He’s mean as any one of ‘em,” Slim added, “but he busted me out of the Motel, and made damn sure we escaped.”

Finally, after a moment of whispering, the light-green Mudokon stepped forward, keeping his sharpened pipe relaxed, but ready.

“All right then, Slig,” he asked, kneeling to be eye-level with Conar, “Why’d you help ‘em out?”

“That’s none of your—”

“He thinks he can just walk in and take a Glukkon’s Moolah,” Slim said.

Even Mark joined in the laughter that ensued.

“You… you reallythink…” managed the multifeathered Mud, before gasping for air again.

“Well, why not?” Conar asked. “I got a gun, and he doesn’t. Once I get to ‘im, that should be that.”

“Oh, yeah,” Slim said, rolling his eyes, “Getting to ‘im will be a cakewalk, huh? We both know Glukkons’ve got security tighter than a Resolver’s Knot. You’ll be in pieces before you make it to the front desk!”

“You got a gun,” the light-green one added, “but he’s got, like, eight hundred of them! And you just brought a coupla Mudokons? How d’ya expect to outgun ‘em?”

“That Abe guy did something,” Conar said. “I’m hopin’ to find out what.”

The laughing died into an abrupt and long silence. They were all staring at him, jaws agape, paralyzed for a few moments. The look of shock turned into a snarl on a few of them, while the rest shuffled their feet.

“What?” Conar asked. “That guy could take down RuptureFarms, and last I hear he’s goin’ after the FeeCo Depot. Must be somethin’ to you guys if one of ya can do that!”

The Mudokon with many feathers opened his mouth to speak, but it took a couple of moments to get the words out: “…You… understand Abe’s significance? You know he’s the…”

“Of course he doesn’t,” the Mudokon with an eyepatch said, raising his lead pipe in preparation to strike. “He just thinks he can talk about Abe and we’ll all do what he wants. No way is that happenin’!”

“Wait, I can—”

The pipe came down, Conar felt a brief heavy pain, and everything went black.

[ftalos]

[Renascent Chronicles] Portalcraft Cards: First impressions.

Renascent chronicles’ cards are up!

Now we got more time for pre-launch analysis and the set looks fun. I like the focus of this set: Epilogue’s of the Isunia, Naterra and Aiolon stories, with some of the card texts expanding their lore. Yes, I really love the story mode and I’ll read all of the flair texts.

And the cards themselves aren’t bad; machina and natura traits are back in a way that won’t restrict deck building, every deck got a new playstyle that won’t kill the previous ones… well, except for those strong decks at the end of the Darkness over Vellsar expansion. Gremory is rotating out, forcing shadows players to find new ways to make big boards without losing lots of shadows… Will Chris still be an option, or will everybody shift to Machina combos? Portalcraft is losing a lot of support too, most of the artifact cards that started the paradigm shift playstyle are leaving rotation, hindering those decks, with Syntonization the biggest hit as the card was so versatile. Although Resonance/Magna Zero Portalcraft is still strong (I can’t believe how good it got during the mini expansion thanks to Absolute Tolerance, got me 4-1 in A Finals), new robots and my favorite boss are coming up to change the game.

So yeah, let’s check out the new cards.

(Click on their names to check the cards)

Legendary Cards:

Maisha, Purgation’s Vessel: Have you ever been so biased you shift the order you read cards to start with your favorite villain? This card is simple and amazing, her fanfare is a great removal tool at every stage of the game and will also greatly reduce Absolute Tolerance’s cost for early threats, but the best part is her evolution effect: the same effect she got through her token spell is back, now restricted for having 8 remaining play points that she won’t even consume. As great as always, some new cards will also aid us portal players to get evolution points in the late game; but, as I don’t know how easy it will be to get there, I’ll rate her as a 4/5.

Belphomet, Ultimate Creator: This guy is so great he even came back with his own skin. For just 1 Play Point higher than his last iteration, fusing cards one at a time will pay you back in the form of armored and assault tentacles, and playing him having fused at least three cards on him creates a board of himself and his furies, who also got new and stronger versions. The Megaera token, in special, recovers you on Evolution Point, synergizing great with Maisha and, given your opponent has to deal with Belphomet and his furies, builds an overwhelming threat in the late game. 4/5.

Gold Cards:

Mega Enforcer: A Machina follower that draws you one card, deals 4 damage on evolution and recovers the Evolution point he used if you have 3 Machina cards in hand. Allows you to play with resonance for some possible Magna Zero clears on turn 7 (I might be onto something here, I will have to test tho), but the best part is it recovers you Play Points for Maisha and Evo playstyles, though this one hasn’t been starving for evopoints. 5/5

Nefarious Invasion: This card seems good in a vacuum, it helps you deal with the pesky early aggression, and its enhance opens up for mid/lategame plays and control; but I think it will be the first one to be fused into Belphomet except against sword and shadowcraft. 3.5/5

Silver Cards:

Threadsnipper puppet: Puppet/rally support! By herself is a 1/2 but she also let’s you play one puppet that won’t leave the board, upping your rally count and your board presence. A reminder that Maisha used to win thanks to puppets, Threadsnipper and stringmaster are your go-to’s when playing rally/destruction portal. 4/5

Enforcer: Silver Machina follower that has rush and puts two machina cards into your hand, this card is really good as a removal tool and as an enabler of your Belphomet Fusions in case you want to save your other machina cards. 5/5

Dual Swords of Longing: Yes, more Maysia, let’s go. A spell that adds two token spells to your hands and can reduce their costs. Both spells are great removal tools, raising the control options Maisha and Belphomet need to reach lategame.4/5

Bronze Cards:

Iron Hero: This guy can deal with board, up the rally and destroyed followers count as puppets do, but with 1 pp cost each time; overall a nice addition in certain decks, that enhance made me laugh, though, I will definitely try to make it work.  3.5/5

Plucky Coil Wrangler: Listen, I think this card is bad. I love her accelerate and the fact golems are still alive thanks to her, but I am not sure about the state of artifacts after WUR leaves rotation and her high cost. I would definitely draft her in take two, though, and a part of me expects me to be wrong about her strength as I was with Double Arm Mechanic in my last review. 2/5

Tiniest Tank: LOOK AT THIS ABSOLUTE UNIT. He’s quite expensive, and his way of upping the rally count is behind Last Words effects, but you gotta love that art and the fact he summons an Automaton Knight. 1/5

Unnamed determination: MORE. MAISHA. ART. I don’t think destroying 10 followers or more will be difficult to achieve during this expansion (I know there’s a lot of banish around, but where Last Words Shadow could, Portal will), so I really believe this spell and the silver one will see a lot of play, draw two cards and recover one evolution point is really good to let it pass. 5/5

Overall, the new cards are good without making the deck building too restrictive except for Machina decks who need to fill as much slots as possible with the trait (good thing Magna Zero exists), I’m really hyped for this expansion and the state of portalcraft in it, even if it stops being top tier, because I love Maisha a lot. Besides my main classes (Portal, Haven and a bit of Forest), some other playstyles I’d like to tamper with are Machina Shadowcraft and Natura dragon, Valdain makes me forget my hate for dragoncraft.

And let’s hope haven’t run out of luck after getting Laramia and Spinaria this month, I’d like the Belphomet Skin (It’s not the Aiolon Belphomet, but he’s alright). Stay on.

[thebestestboyo]

Based on @loveceit 's P!ATD Prompts!

"I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon chiffon skirt."

Or

As I like it call it:

How Remus Ended Up Working For Patton

Masterpost

(Warning of: Drug mentions/alcohol/drinking, Remus making bad decisions)

(if I need to tag anything else, please do tell me)

As the resident disaster man of the Driftwood apartments, it was common for him to come stumbling into the complex at insane times of night and early morning, out doing who knows what. Remus himself only remembers half of his ventures, often told to him by his roommate Vee, or known by most, Virgil.

Most times, he'd come home around two in the morning. Four was much more rare. And very occasionally, he'd show up at nine, passed out in front of the door, due to him being so exhausted that he couldn't even take his keys out. But no matter what he did, or how long he stayed out, he'd always come back. While it was always followed with a killer headache and potentially some injuries, he always came home. Sorta like a stray cat that you're not really sure exists when you aren't looking at it.

Yeah. He was that kind of person.

At this point, Vee was just focused on making sure he made it back in one piece. The two of them had been friends longer than either of them could ever remember, and if Virgil had to babysit Remus sometimes, it wasn't as if it was anything out of the ordinary.

So, when he had the time (and the patience), he'd go out with him, mostly to make sure he didn't pick too many fights with the gangs or their city. Downtown especially was the worst place to be when it was dark out, they were like hyenas, just waiting for someone to set them off. Vee kept him out of that area, and usually, back by eleven if he was lucky.

As much as Remus loved his childhood friend, the fact that he needed someone to look after him often rubbed Ree the wrong way. He was an adult after all, he should be able to keep himself out of trouble well enough right?

Wrong.

Now, it wasn't as if Remus didn't know that it was dangerous, but this particular night, he just didn't care. Pent up from work and needing to go out somewhere, he struck up all his usual places to unwind, but nothing was working like it usually did. Not even the weird scientist's lab on 24th Street! And he let Remus play with pig intestines! That usually always cheered him up!

So, like any force of nature, Remus decided to head downtown. He knew Vee thought it was dangerous going this late, but it wasn't like Remus was drunk or anything! And Virgil wasn't home either! So if he got back home ok, he'd never know!

These thoughts were what kept him from internally combusting (an interesting thought, Ree wondered what it would feel like) over the idea that Virgil would be worried about him doing this. It was flawed logic, but he wasn't exactly known for his straightforward thinking.

His attention was drawn almost immediately to the bright, dizzying lights of a bar, the neon sign spelling out 'What Do We Have Beer?' It was cheesy, and stupid, and yet, he couldn't NOT stop at a place that had a pun right in the title!

Stepping in, he didn't flinch at the reek of alcohol, nor the too-loud thump of the bass at the edge of the dancefloor, and not even the people practically eating each other's faces off in the dim corners of the bar. What did catch his eye, was a curly-haired man sitting on one of the edges of a table, his eyes closed as he listened to the music.

Now on any other day, he wouldn't have been drawn to this man. On any other day, he'd have probably looked past him to go cause havoc on the dancefloor, or sip something much too strong for him at the bar. And yet, today wasn't a typical day. So, he indulged himself in this man's company.

That was his first mistake.

The guy didn't open his eyes at Remus's approach, too enraptured in the music, which gave Ree plenty of time to take his image in. He seemed out of place in this loud club, his skirt, what Remus assumed to be chiffon (if Vee's fashion rambling served him correct), flowed down to his knees, while his sweater was clearly handmade, as evident from the several loose stitches in the material. It was odd, seeing someone so innocent-seeming in this sort've place. Though, Remus had seen much more naive-looking people in clubs, going nuts for a high.

"Can I help you kiddo?"

It was jarring to hear the guy talk to him, especially with that voice. Why was it so sugary? Who the hell calls a grown man kiddo??? This guy couldn't be older than twenty five! Not that Remus was much older, barely twenty six as it was.

"I'm not sure yet! First time coming here and I'm not exactly amazed." It seemed to Remus like any other nightclub, minus several guards and Remus having sneaked several seagulls in moments before. (Even Dee was impressed by how silent they were until Remus let them go and terrorize the guests.)

"Oh? Is it not intoxicating enough for you?"

"Mm, nah. Mine usually includes more chaos." Remus stared off at the dance floor, before realizing what exactly Patton had said. "Did you just make an alcohol pun?"

"Yep! I'm surprised you heard over the music! It's bass-ically deafening with how loud it is."

This time Remus noticed, laughing as he leaned against the wall next to the guy, intrigued. "You like puns huh?"

"How pun-ctual of you to notice!"

"So what's a bunny rabbit like you doing with a bunch of pirahnas? This doesn't seem too much like a thing you'd be too into."

"Mm, it's good for a business point of view. Get to know people, you know?"

"Usually my getting to know people ends up with something going haywire, like...oh! Like that one time I got a bucket of squid ink and I was planning on dumping it on this one assbutt's car, but I ended up getting it all over myself instead. So I decided, why waste perfectly good squid ink, and just threw myself into his car instead! Vee made me take a shower before I could touch anything after. "

The guy glanced up at him in confusion, but he wasn't scared off yet, so this was considered a success in Remus's book. "Squid ink?"

"Yeah! My nerdy pal Lo gave it to me! He was studying something or another with squids, and he didn't have any use for it after, so I got it! It dyed my outfit grey!"

This time was even more successful, considering he laughed at Remus's antics, and prompting Ree to continue on his train of thought. "Why was he studying squids?"

"Well, I think it was because squids can change colors, and he wanted to see if that could be replicated. I think it would be more interesting if the tentacles could be grown on humans! Imagine, you could do so much..."

Remembering that this guy didn't even know his name, he elected to change that immediately. "My name's Remus! I should have started with that actually."

"Patton!"

"No! I'm Remus!"

"No, I mean, my name's Patton!" He smiled, giggling again at him. It was almost mesmerizing to listen to, even if it was soft under all the background noise. "Its nice to meet you!"

Remus had to pinch himself to snap out of staring directly at Patton's mouth, enchanted by his smile. "Nice to meet you too. Can I get you a drink?"

"Sure! I know the bartender actually, so we can go together!" Grabbing Remus's arm lightly (and nearly causing to jump at the easy touch), he led him over to the counter, his hand still resting on Ree's arm even when the two of them had sat down. "Can I get a blueberry mocktail please? Remus what do you want?"

"Mm...surprise me."

That was his second mistake.

Remus wasn't exactly sure what was in the drink, but it got him feeling fuzzy, and that's all that mattered. "So how do you know this place?"

"My brother has business deals here, so he started bringing me along sometimes."

"Business deals? What sort've business would have place in a club?"

Stirring his drink with the straw, Pat looked off into the haze of people. "Oh, just normal stuff."

"That's pretty vague Patty."

It was clear he didn't want to talk about it, even as Remus continued to get drunker (despite his previous ideas). "Well, it's boring! I'd rather play a game than talk about business!"

"Aaaaaand what kind of game would that be?"

"A bet."

Nearly snorting his drink in surprise, Remus burst out laughing. "A bet?"

"You heard me!"

"Sorry, it's just-" He gestured to how out of place Patton looked, his eyes glinting with mischief. "What sort've bet were you thinking? Is someone gonna end up puking or attacked by rabid animals by the end of it?"

"Mm, depends on how well you can hold your liquor. I bet you can't beat me in a drinking game. Winner gets to choose his prize."

"You're on."

That was his last mistake.

Remus lost. By a lot. For the guy who ordered a mocktail right off the bat, he definitely wasn't a lightweight.

"I, I gotta say-" Remus was bent with his head against the table to steady himself. "I am surprised!"

Patton was a giggly mess even in spite of winning, leaning into Remus. "Yep! You-" His sentence was cut off by a hiccup, in which caused another fit of giggles. He didn't even seem to notice that his sweater sleeve was slipping off his shoulder, or that he had somehow lost one of his sandals.

Remus sat up dizzily, attempting to fix the sleeve, only to remember too late that his motor skills weren't exactly in the best conditions while drunk, so it was more like Remus fell into Patton instead, causing the two of them to tumble to the ground. It was a good thing that it wasn't too far of a drop, but even so, Remus was pressed into Patton in an awkward position.

A stern voice interrupted the two of them before Remus could get his thick tongue to apologise to Pat, edged with something sharp.

"Patton...what are you doing on the floor with this...man?"

"Oh hey Dee Dee! How was your-" he wiggled his eyes playfully, clearly showing this Dee how drunk he was. "-meeting?"

"It went fine, but I don't think the best use of your time is getting drunk with random men at the club while I'm working."

"He's, not random!" Patton had by now began to play with Remus's hair, not even bothered by the fact that the two of them were still on the floor. "His name is, Reeeemus. He's my new friend! I won him!"

Even though Remus was drunk, he could still tell that it was probably not the right way to explain how they ended up there to this big, probably dangerous guy. He couldn't see much of him considering his head was resting on Pat's chest, but his boots looked awfully nice.

"I like your boots."

This...Dee? Was it Dee? Snapped his attention down to Remus, picking him up easily by the back of his collar. "So you won this...mongrel? In a bet I suppose?"

Pat was too busy trying to grab Remus back to be paying attention, so Remus got a face full of Dee's words. "I suppose he could be useful...fine. You can keep him for now." There was a sudden pinch at Remus's ear, and he could feel something metal dangling from what seemed to be a new piercing??? Wtf???

"You're too drunk right now to be of any use though. Pat do you know where he lives?"

"On a mountainnnnn with fairies and unicorns!"

"Ok so that's a no."

Remus felt he ought to be part of this conversation, considering that this Dee was asking about him, after rudely lifting him up. "Why do you wanna know tall guy?"

"Oh you can still speak. That's good. Tell me where you live and you can go back there to do whatever it is you do to not be drunk."

"I ain't telling you! You don't know it's Driftward....wait that's not right. Driftwand? Drift...drift..."

"Driftwood?"

"Yeah! You don't know it's there! And that's how it's gonna stay!"

Unfortunately, this plan did not go as Remus intended, because sooner than the drop of a hat, he was put in a car along with Pat, driven to his complex, and left out by the entrance. When he tried to look back and see exactly what this Dee guy looked like, he could only see Patton, waving to him drunkenly through the window, before Remus blacked out.

He was having a lovely dream about gore and destruction when a sudden voice caught his attention. Or, well, tried to anyways.

"Remus?"

"Hey, Remus."

The sound was annoying to what he assumed was the beginning of a headache, so he tried to tune it out.

"Remus wake up."

Was it his alarm clock? No...his alarm clock didn't scream his name to wake him up...and it usually didn't sound so pissed off.

"Ree!"

Aaaand now he was awake he supposed. "Yeah...?"

Virgil stood above him, hands on his hips. "Where the fuck were you??? I come home and you aren't here until five hours later? And did you go and get a new piercing? And...throw up on the front step of our apartments?"

His memory was still pretty fuzzy due to how much alcohol he drank, so he seemed just as surprised as Virgil was that he was in this situation. "Hey, quiet down if you could. My head hurtssss."

"Your head wouldn't hurt if you weren't out however late. Seriously though, where were you?"

His hand went to his temple, trying to soothe the pounding in his head. His fingers caught on something jangly, surprising him. "What the-"

It was definitely a new earring. Gently attempting to take it out, he looked at the words on the dangling part, confused. "Who the hell are the Andacondas?"

Virgil stiffened, seeming scared. "Remus, what did you do?"

"I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt?"

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Bullet Wound

Follow-up to this discussion with Angel. They ended up doing the surgery in Angel’s room instead of the bar because SOMEBODY forgot that was where we agreed to meet. (It’s me I’m somebody.)

Alastor

Knock knock knock, guess who. It's Doctor Alastor and Nurse Hentai, here with their trademark "surgery with a smile" service.

Angel

He opened the door with one of his tertiary hands. The couple others were busy pressing a pink-stained... _something_ to his shoulder.

" Oh nonono, I ain't drunk enough fa THIS, YET. " Angel knocked back the remainder of whiskey left in the bottle he had before trudging to his minifridge for another. " Is Hentai, uh, gonna hurt? He slimy or some shit? How drunk I gotta be? " His eyes were beginning to lose focus.

Alastor

Alastor's gaze landed on the pink stain. Aha. There was the wound, no doubt. "It'll hurt about as much as you'd expect for something the width of a coffee stirrer to squeeze into a wound and yank a bullet out. I can dull your ability to feel around the injury."

Alastor tilted his head to peer into the minifridge, checking to see how good Angel's stash was. "I think you're quite drunk enough already! Unless you want to sleep the next two weeks." He held up the one bit of surgical equipment he'd visibly brought with him: a bottle of Everclear. "But I'd planned to use this to clean the wound."

Angel

" Oh, ya can?? " he responded with uncharacteristically dulled excitement, " Thank _fuck!_ I would'a gone fa a hit but, uh, _Bolivian Ma'chin' Powder's_ all OUT. An' I gotta... uh, show. Even if just ta say I can't work so I can get my standa'd issue ass kickin' an' come back. "

Angel then stumbled to his chair, flipping it around so he could lean forward off the back. " Just... go nuts. Fuck th' rug. I could get a Daddy ta get me a new one if it gets fucked up. Uh... youse can use th' bench if ya need to. "

Alastor

"What, sending a self-E of the bullet wound isn't a good enough doctor's note?" Alastor tutted.

He unscrewed the bottle; for the moment, he was still standing so he could remain taller than Angel. "Now, this IS going to sting—but I've got to clean you off before I can numb the area. I'd warn you to bite the bullet but—hah—we'll have to fish it out before you can do that, won't we!" And here comes the sting.

Angel

" Nah... he's gonna think I photoshopped it... " he groaned with a reach for a throw pillow to scream into.  He would've laughed a little more whole-heartedly if not for the anticipated _agony_ that tensed him so hard he could've bit off his own tongue.

" _UGH THIS IS WHAT I FUCKIN' GET!_ " he muffled into the plush pink, now growing darker from the entrance wound, " Why's good shit gotta HURT so bad? It's so fuckin' _DUMB._ " Angel smothered a few more whines and hisses before getting a handle on his breathing again. " ... Can ya do the numbin' thin', yet...? "

Alastor

Ignore the studio audience laughing at your pain, it's nothing personal.

Alastor lightly brushed off what few drops of fresh blood the alcohol hadn't washed from Angel's fur. "Now I can!" He decided owing a small favor to a prince was worth it so he didn't have to drag a miniature apothecary out of his trunk, looked around for a pen or marker—ah, of course, makeup everywhere—and grabbed a tube of black lipstick. "You don't happen to have any bad blood with Prince Gaap, do you?"

Angel

Angel groaned, metaphorically biting his tongue to hold back any amount of quips or name-calling he would've fired at the hip for the sake of not pissing off the demon that was about to start poking around in him.

" Prince a who? " he asked with an instantly regrettable twist to see what Alastor was doing, " I ain't ever known any _legitimate_ royalty... I don' think... "

Alastor

"Then I'll take that as a no." He scrawled Gaap's sigil on Angel's shoulder around the wound—not his most artistic work, given how fuzzy his canvas was, but Alastor was on good enough terms with enough nobles that they wouldn't nitpick tiny errors in his work. "Now, this will make the area around your wound feel temporarily hale and hearty—but it's only a feeling. You're still just as damaged. Don't jump up and do cartwheels." He finished the double circle around the sigil and the lines started to glow green. Good. "Working yet?"

Angel

Angel took a deep breath as the nerves began to cease fire until finally, he no longer felt the need to scream or cry. Well enough to turn his head, he gave himself a peek in the mirror.

" Yeah... like I wanna do cartwheels, " Angel giggled, " Tell Prince Gaap I said thanks ~ " _An' ask him if he's single,_ he chuckled to himself as he stretched his limbs more comfortably about his chair. " Ya gonna stir me like a cup a coffee, now? " he joked.

Alastor

"I'll pass on your gratitude! Just don't tell him you owe him one if you happen to cross paths with him, he'll take it literally and then we'll both be paying him for the anesthesia."

Alastor huffed. "Once I clean the wound a little more. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've got quite a lot of fur around it." He looked around for some sort of towel that wasn't completely soaked in blood, poured a little more alcohol in it, and finally sat on the bench as he started carefully cleaning the wound itself while trying to avoid disrupting the sigil.

"You don't strike me as the type to get shot in the back," he mused. "What happened here—somebody take you by surprise?"

Angel

" Oh, he's _that_ type, " he commented, deciding on whether or not he should offer a razor. He was already going to be getting a temporary bald spot. May as well...

" If ya needa clear it some, there's clippers off th' side a the mirro- " Angel's arms and legs tightened around the chair as he sank his chin _deep_ into the pillow. _When_ was the last time...? Without the sting to distract him, all there was to focus on was the touch and it made his head swim. He didn't know how to process it, so he reverted to his go-to distraction. " _Funny how I still ended up on th' twink ma'ket cove'ed in all this peach fuzz, ah?_ "

He chuckled bitterly as his eyes swept to the ceiling. " Yeah... somethin' like that... Was a _surprise,_ alright... "

Alastor

"Most nobles are. Out of the ones that bargain with humans, anyway." He grabbed the clippers and very carefully started clearing a patch around the entry wound. "You know, between you being called one and *me* being called one, I'm beginning to think that 'twink' doesn't actually mean anything."

Alastor leaned around Angel's side to give him a vicious grin. "So, tell me about this surprise! You didn't think I was doing this without hoping to get a little entertainment in return!"

Angel

" _It means ya never get ta eat **shit,** that's what it means-!_ " he grumbled.

Then a sudden **gasp.** How the hell he manged to scare him despite being the forefront of his attention was beyond him. " _Fuckin'-_ " he groaned with a turn of his head in the opposite direction, " Was an ex... an angry one... That dramatic enough fa you? "

His claws clenched his skin as he tried to replicate the buzz of the razor into his brain. Sure would be nice if he could uncap his skull and do some doodling in _there._

Alastor

"... *Does it.*" There was a little bit of info Alastor was going to file away and never let go of.

"An ex! Oh, yes, *quite* dramatic enough! What did you do to *him?* That is to say—" One freshly alcohol-soaked claw brushed dangerously close to prying into the wound, "—was this earned, or an overreaction?"

Angel

" Earned. Def'nitely earned. Uh... " Angel pondered. He'd already vague-blogged about the incident. Any opportunity to avoid any scandal was already blown.

" She. I let her 'and it to me. It was th' _least_ I could do. "

Alastor

"*She!* That brings up some questions, doesn't it?" He dropped his impromptu wash cloth on his lap and said, "Now, as much as I'd relish prying this story out of you one detail at a time, unfortunately I won't be free to talk for a bit." He summoned up his cane. "Ready to have an alien abomination pry a bullet out of your back?"

Angel

Angel braced himself. Salt in the wound felt well deserved to him. Even if subconsciously, he'd allow every opportunity to pay for what he did to her. Being pried through by an alien abomination, sitting through a mortifying interview, and being shot point blank was a good enough start.

" Wouldn't be the _first_ time I 'ad tentacles in me ~ " he replied cheekily with a thumbs up, " Just don' let 'im get _too_ carried away, yeah ~ ? "

Alastor

"Oh, I plan to guarantee he won't!" A dark blot, small as an ink stain, opened in the air between them, and a single thin tendril wiggled out. "But while I'm giving him instructions, I won't be listening to closely to you. So!" He swung his cane around in front of Angel. "Take Mic here and let him know if you need me to stop, would you?"

Angel

" _Plan_ ta guarantee...? " He snorted, then crimson eyes flickered. He'd voluntarily _hand_ him that thing? " Yeah, ok ~ " Angel wiped off his bloody fingers and gently took the rod. " Can't feel a thin'- " _Liar._ " -so prolly won't need to. "

" Heyyy, Mic-y, how ya doin' ~ ? " he asked sweetly, turning the instrument about and inspecting him curiously. " Al give ya routine polishin'? Ya just, chill in th' other dimension 'til he calls ya? " Like a set of keys given to a toddler, he was sufficiently distracted.

Alastor

"Oh, I can't complain! It's not allowed in my contract!" The cane rolled its eye. "Naaah, who needs polishing? When I poof off, the dirt doesn't come with me!" It gave Angel a wry look. "Or d'you got another reason for asking how often Al *polishes his cane?* Eh?" Mic's humor was somewhat lowbrow compared to Alastor's usual standards. Usually Alastor would scold it for getting saucy. But right then, Alastor's brain wasn't entirely present.

He couldn't actually give his tentacled "friend" orders, per se. They were too different, too alien for normal person-to-person communication. What Alastor COULD do was broadcast a signal that let him slip into a fragment of a tentacle's mind and pilot it directly; but when he was doing so, when he was making sense of the world as the alien beast saw it, he wasn't exactly able to, say, process language.

If Angel happened to turn around, he'd see that Alastor's eyes had gone blank and filled with static. But he probably shouldn't turn around, since that was when Alastor managed to seize control of the noodle-thin tentacle that had wriggled through and fed the tip of it into the wound.

Angel

" Hehehe! I getcha, I  getcha. Talk back get smacked, ah? " Angel couldn't can more giggles, but he did feel the need to do some scolding in Alastor's place. At least, as much as he _assumed_ he should.

" Buh-BUH! Shouldn't ya know better than ta be talkin' deer dick? At least, _more than me_? Ta at least keep it in th' context a dick seasoned up real nice on a silver platter? " He snickered deviously, remembering certain debaucheries he'd engaged in both before and after death. " I _like_ ya, though! Wonder how much fun ya'd be _outta_ contract ~ "

Gently tapping the deep red surface of the back with a pristinely manicured claw, Angel had a sudden urge to seize an opportunity he might not get later. " Hey... can ya do that radio thin' ta _my_ voice? "

Alastor

"You can't have slapstick without the stick! And what'm I if not a stick? You ain't gettin' me outta contract, though. That's not how it works."

(Alastor, meanwhile, has slithered the tentacle in deep enough to reach the bullet. Pardon the weird feeling as it wraps around the intrusion, and then prods briefly past the bullet to make sure it didn't penetrated Angel's lung. Whole new can of worms if it did.)

"No can do! You wanna get your voice broadcast outta the radio, sure, I'm the Mic for the job, long as Alastor's authorizing the broadcast. But if you wanna GET the radio voice? Uh-uh. Only way to sound like the Radio Demon is to BE the Radio Demon."

Angel

An eye twitched as he took a breath and felt that internal pinch. Sans the pain of one, the sensation reminded him of an air bubble he'd have to spend several minutes patting out until he could finally take a deeper breath again. He shallowed his lungs and stayed still as he could with a held breath until the tendril retreated. A deep, testing sigh of relief, then he shook his head with a glance to the mirror. Alastor sure was getting _busy._ He trusted he was in good hands.

" Nah, I don't wanna do _that._ Just wanna give ya singin' a lil' try. Not _everyday_ ya passed off t' another demon, am I right? Specially not a _talented_ one like yours truly ~ " Angel pouted and pursed his brows. " C'mon ~ Just this once! I promise I'll _do ya right ~_ "

Alastor

"Ya wanna sing, then sing! But I can't give you the voice any more than I can give you deer antlers. It ain't transferrable. It's *his.*"

And there was the bullet being slowly dragged backwards out of the wound it had caused. Carefully. But they probably weren't going to completely avoid doing a little extra damage.

Angel

" 'Tis almost th' season, Sweetie, I can give _m'self_ antle's if I wanted to ~ " He then rolled his eyes and relented, followed by some sensational weirdness in his shoulder cavity. Checking in wasn't his first instinct. It was, of course, to _play._ He'd never nail Alastor's southern belle, so he let his register drop as he casually snapped and tapped his own beat with Mic dramatically in hand. ( At least, theatrically as he could while being an obedient patient. )

https://youtu.be/eAiMOTlUVv4

Alastor

Bullet retrieved. Alastor's eyes snapped back to normal as the tentacle withdrew into its portal, dropping the bullet as it did. He caught it, but waited until the end of the song to speak up. "Not bad." He held the bullet over Angel's shoulder. "Do you want this little troublemaker?"

Angel

" Hehe! _Thanks ~ !_ " Angel took the bullet in a free hand to inspect it for shatter. Thankfully, it was all in one piece. Hentai wouldn't have to do any further digging. " What I owe ya? This thin' gonna last 'til it heals, or should I get ready ta go Vicodin huntin' _now?_ " he asked with an experimental roll of his shoulder and another check in the mirror.

Alastor

"Go Vicodin hunting. And also bandage it up, change the bandage twice daily, check for infection, et cetera et cetera." He stood, stretched, and his cane poofed out of Angel's hand and into his own. "As for what you owe me... Give me the rest of the story about this ex of yours and if I think it's interesting enough, we'll call it square."

Angel

" ... Ya ain't gonna be reco'din' it, are ya? " he asked solemnly, " Ah fuck whatever... " Angel threw himself into mercy and rummaged around his drawers for bandages.

" I 'ad a squeeze t' get the Outfit off m'back, " he began, " Drew it out as long as I could but uh, _women's_ a pretty hot topic wit' th' boys. Older I got... y'know. _Family._ They's wantin' _kids._ Big ol' fuckin'... Italian _famiglia_ ta' keep th' bootleg business goin'. "

Was it the pain of the memory or the pressure of the wrapping? Angel was thankful for it. He even dabbed at himself a bit forcefully to override any involuntary bodily response to the whole ordeal.

Alastor

"You have my solemn vow that I won't start recording." That wasn't a promise that he wasn't already recording.

Alastor could guess where this story was going; his grin widened in anticipatory schadenfreude. "Go on."

Angel

As Alastor's grin widened, Angel's eyes narrowed. He tucked his bandage and leaned back against his vanity.

" She's was _-IS-_ like you. I was about as inta her as she was inta anyone else. At least, when I wasn't mistakin' 'er fa a guy. We's was dumb kids, grew up t'gether in the same mafia network. We knew th' game an' we knew we 'ad ta play it. So we _made a deal._ "

" I broke it in, uh... 1944. "

Alastor

Now there was a twist Alastor hadn't been expecting. He'd anticipated a young bride doe-eyed with love and a young groom miserably trying to pretend it was reciprocated. But a mutual ruse was far more interesting.

And far more relatable. It wasn't very far off from his own parents' arrangement—except that theirs hadn't involved the Mafia.

"Let me guess. Get handcuffed together, play the happy couple in front of the family, ignore each other at home? Something like that?" And the one point that actually concerned him—"Were children involved?"

Angel

" No. We were very close, very convincin'. She was m' best frien'. Like Cherri, I didn' deserve 'er. E'ryone thought we was wildin' in the sack, but it never happened. No sex, no kids, just... two murderin' peas in a pod playin' th' most convincin' game a pretend... 'til I couldn't anymo'e. "

" _Could_ say we 'ad kids involved, though _THEM_ fuckin' wild childs could 'ardly bc counted. They was lil' monste's from the Forty-Two. Loved 'em like m'own. Some's prolly down 'ere. "

Alastor

Good—if they'd gotten offspring involved, that would have just been distasteful. Outside children that Angel actually liked were a different matter entirely.

"So, what did the grand breakdown look like? A big blowout fight and a demand for a divorce? No—Catholic, I presume—attempted murder?" He cocked an eyebrow. "*Successful* murder?"

Angel

Angel actually bursted a laugh. " Nope! Wasn't really... a _single thin-_ ok, it was, but uh, said _breakdown_ was less of a _single act_ an' more of a... "

His eyes searched the air for dates, encounters. It didn't help he didn't remember most of it, but he shrugged thinking that was enough indication in itself.

" _Buncha dragged out climaxes_ fa th' next... three years a so. Then I died an' left 'er ta face th' music all 'er own. Hence... " He then tapped at his shoulder and shrugged as if violence was the logical answer to beginning to level a half century-long grudge.

" She's workin' fa Rosie now. Keepin' th' fucks off 'er turf. I was one a them, " he snickered.

Alastor

Well that was the least subtle euphemism Alastor had ever heard. "You mean the prenuptial agreement for your marriage of convenience didn't include provisions for you to sleep around?" Alastor shook his head in exaggerated disappointment. "I can forgive her for the lapse—it takes multiple lessons to learn that you sexual people aren't exaggerating when you say the allure of sex is irresistible—but *you* ought to have known better!"

But never mind that, there was a personal connection now. "Well, it's a small underworld after all! If she's working for Rosie, then *I* might know her! What's her name—down here, I mean?"

Angel

" That was fa show! " he burst defensively, " We was bound by nothin' but laws an' laws is fake! " Angel pouted with a quadruple arm cross. He hadn't even _intended_ that innuendo as much as he meant to convey the feeling of being constantly at the edge of your seat for years. That'd drive _any_ sane person wild.

" She didn't _care_ who I fucked with! If ya ask _me,_ it's her _own fuckin' fault_ I went off th' 'andle because she had ta fuckin' PLAY WINGMAN AT THE MENAGERIE! "

He ignored Alastor's question of her identity at the moment. He was much too offended and much too defensive to let any shaming go unchecked, untouched by the oblivion of his violent self-assurance.

Alastor

Alastor laughed at the outburst. "Well, if she didn't care who you were crawling under the covers with, then what in the world is it you did in '44 that constituted such a great break from your 'agreement'? You didn't try to kill her, by mutual agreement you weren't cheating—what's left? Beatings? Framing her for infidelity? Eloping with a rival don's son?"

Angel

He clamped his jaw shut, gritting gold grinding into a horrid sound that soundtracked his anger. Angel didn't want to tell him any more than Alastor was surely not going to be letting it go. Should he just lie? Was that better than letting this asshole in on what was arguably _the_ most defining moment of his life?

" I already told you. I died. I left her alone when we were supposed to get through the fucking SHITSHOW together. '44 was just the year I _started..._ dying. "

Alastor

Alastor was silent for a moment as he processed that—and Angel's atypically somber tone at the announcement—and then, at last, said, "Some betrayal. Most people can't help dying—even the people who do it to themselves." Well, it didn't make for an exciting conclusion to the story—he could vaguely imagine the drama and trauma of the story in action, but the retelling left most of it out.

Still—a sham marriage in the middle of mobster family politics; it was a good enough story. "But, very well! Consider your surgery paid for. And I suppose if the two of you think that was reason enough for her to shoot you—HA!"

Alastor suddenly slapped Angel's shoulder. (By sheer luck, at least it was the uninjured shoulder.) "Have you ever heard that joke? 'My ex-wife still misses me—but her aim's getting better!'" Studio audience laughter. "I guess she doesn't miss you!"

Sometimes Alastor kills himself.

Angel

He _almost_ wished he had slapped his injured shoulder, just so he'd have a more solid reason to hit him back. Nonetheless, he managed to dodge _that_ bullet so Angel figured he could call it a day. A day to start dealing opioids.

" Yeah. She didn't miss, alright. " The corner of his mouth could only twitch. He wasn't consciously _stifling_ a smile, but his every deep-seated instinct to self-destruct at the slightest brush with self-awareness took more effort than he had to deal.

" Bel. La Donna. Like th' poison. She's like yay high an' redder than ya fuckin' mop before ya treatment. A spider. Like me. "

Alastor

"Oh, come now, that was funny and you know it."

Alastor's eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh! *Bel!* Yes, we're acquainted! Not *well*, but well enough we'd be obligated to say hello if we passed on the street. My, my, it really *is* a small underworld."

Angel

" Aw _fuck,_ " he groaned, " Best _keep_ it that way. This place is already starting to feel like Double Hell. Last thin' I need's YOU TWO tag-teamin' me... "

Angel then lazily fished for his phone and hit up a dealer. " I'm gonna head out fa meds. Youse- " He hesitated. " ... gonna need anythin'? I'll replace ya everclear. "

Alastor

"Don't you worry! We don't talk much. Anyway, if she's gone this long without spreading the news around Rosie's inner circle that her ex-husband is Hell's biggest porn star, I doubt she has any interest in discussing it now."

He shook his head; he got the story behind the bullet, he had his payment. "It wasn't my bottle, I got it for this."

Angel

" Heh heh... that's the funny thin', " he confessed, " _She ain't known I was goin' by Angel Dust until t'day._ " He picked up a jacket and shrugged through the sleeves. " She always knew how ta cover my tracks. I _don't know_ how generous she's gonna be _now,_ but... here's hopin' she's satisfied with gettin' me penetrated by an alien named Hentai. "

He snickered, returning some to his usual self. " Thanks anyways. Ya didn't have t' be helpin' me out. "

Alastor

"And what's she going to do if she doesn't feel generous? Tell people that the famed porn star Angel Dust married a beard when he was alive? I hardly think that would cause a scandal down here!"

He waved off the thanks. "I'm perpetually bored and bullet wounds are almost always interesting."

Angel

" Oh you'd be surprised ~ Though. I don't think she's the type. Prolly just shoot me again fa hidin' from 'er all these years. "

He snickered and shot Alastor some fingerguns. " If she does, I'll let her hit somethin' interestin' fa ya ~ "

Alastor

Alastor tilted his head thoughtfully. “Yes, that... does sound like her.” He didn’t know a lot about Bel, but he knew THAT. How had Angel described himself and her, murderous peas in a pod or something of the sort? “See if you can’t persuade her to avoid the lungs and the bowels. Those are a pain to deal with. For me. But I imagine they’d also be a pain on the receiving end!”

Angel

" _The heart it is then ~_ " he sang with a wink, landing a heavy hand upon Alastor's shoulder on his way towards the door, " If ya see 'er aroun', be good ta her, ah? I should be back in time fa late dinner. "

Alastor

"A classic! How symbolic."

He gave Angel a farewell nod as he headed out himself. "I'll set aside some leftovers for you." *Never get to eat shit,* his ass. Not on his watch.

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 58-61

I hate suspense, so I went ahead and read the plot summary for the next few episodes, so I could relax a bit. Unfortunately, there's a lot of plot decisions that elicit a major "WTF?" from me, so we'll see if they work better in context.

so they're using the Gates as transportation portals now?? This is new, isn't it?? or does it only work with people who have already opened gates?? I'm so confused!!

okay, so ling doesn't know how to use alchemy to heal people? but he can sense homunculi because chi? or is this just something everyone in Xing can do? I'M SO CONFUSED.

[he has a stone but neither he nor Greed know how to use it to heal others, I guess?? why not, though?]

Bucaneer calls Olivier a "queen," which is right on!

Greedling is the best thing about this adaptation, full stop

*sings* "It must be nice, must be nice, to have a homunculus on your side..."

that one random woman looks so much like Danta from FMA03 that I just had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't imagining it

Elicia HAS ECLIPSE GLASSES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING

I don't understand why Hoheneheim counts as a sacrifice - yes, he was present for the opening in Xerxes, but he did not attempt human transmutation himself (even though the portal was centered around him without his knowledge) I feel like intent matters?? iirc, he wasn't consumed and broken down the way Ed and Al were???

He's also now fused with Father in a weird blob that reminds me of Topaz trapping humans in Steven Universe.

I don't know why Hawkeye hasn't managed to shoot the evil doctor in all this close-quarters fighting. And why isn't Roy using flames? We had a demo earlier with the zombies that he can work around his allies without burning them, so... ???

Mustang is ordered to perform human transmutation so the bad guys can have a fifth person to complete their circle (somehow, alchemy always works in fives?) He refuses, but then they say they'll shoot Hawkeye if he doesn't so he caves.

this "gotta get a complete set" seems really sloppy for Team Bad, because the eclipse is like, any minute now. Seems like they're cutting it really close. You think they could have found/persuaded/forced someone into doing it, given how long they've had to work at this. So I'm just like "???" about this.

(the doctor dude also lampshades this, lol)

also, I'm so confused why the doctor claims Roy can bring anyone he wants back - maybe this was FMA03 I'm thinking of, but it seems like you would need some sort of specific connection to a particularl person in order to bring them back that you couldn't just whip out at a moment's notice??

is there any other way to open the gateway besides human transmutation?? And why doesn't the doctor count, since they've made plenty of philosopher's stones (which involve human transmutation, and is why Hohenheim is a sacrifice in the first place)??

okay, hawkeye isn't dead yet, but he's supposed to transmute her anyway? How does that differ from healing? I'M SO CONFUSED.

anyway, pride shows up and eats the annoying doctor and also makes a transmutation circle with his shadows while Bradley pins Mustang to the floor. o...kay. andthen it just...happens?without roy's consent?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDES

okay, andnow the eclipse is starting, irl they'd have a maximum of 8 minutes at totality to Do The Thing, but who the fuck knows what's happening here since all the characters are UNDERGROUND (how do they even KNOW)

fuck, they're basically raping mustang here since his consent does not matter because pride ate the doctor and the doctor has the knowledge (but that should make him and/or pride the sacrifice, not ROY).

like what the actual fuck

so the doctor gets transmuted, even though he was the one with the relevant knowledge?? I don't get it.

and mustang is automatically transported to be with the other sacrifices - why? how?? how does this even work? is that other circlethey wereusing still active? was it part of pride's set-up for this circle to be dual-purpose?HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

and apparently, it's just one floor below so all they have to do is break the floor??

Roy is blind... but does not physically lose his eyes, which makes NO SENSE, given that Al, Ed and Izumi lost actual physical pieces of themselves.THE FUCK.

ed's like, "this is super fucked up shit, and you don't get to moralize about human nature and hubris if you guys forced him to do this"

pride is basically acting like a kid who had all the time in the world for an assignment and then rushed to complete it at the last possible moment

scar fights bradley, yes FINALLY SOMEBODY KILL THAT DUDE

al's emaciated body is just so heartbreaking, and al's like "no! I can't suddenly move to this incredibly emaciated version of myself before the final battle!" which is actually really smart of him

of course, al's body waits until AFTER his soul leaves to monologue about how al might have just destroyed the entire world. GEE THANKS YOU ASSHOLE.

broussh shows up at the radio station and maria ross is like :????:

Father says the sacrifices are "all in his belly" and we cut to the chimeras on the outside looking at a massive blob - so Father is ALSO a gate???

(ngl: it would make TOTAL SENSE if Father was originally one of the creatures we see when the gate opens, who got pulled into our world by Hohenheim's master... especially since he used Hohenheim's blood? DID HIS MASTER PERFORM HUMAN TRANSMUTATION? WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF WE ACTUALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS??)

(okay, this is my working headcanon now)

May's like "I'M GONNA TAKE 'EM" and I'm like "aww, heck yeah girl!"

it's really appropriate that Scar--Formerly Consumed by Anger--is fighting Wrath, who ordered the Amestrian equivalent of Order 66 on Ishval.

scar put a reconstruction circle on his other arm, how Symbolic

FATHER MAKES A GUN OUT OF HIS OWN BODY WITH EYES AND TEETH

no seriously, what the fuck did I just witness

Al apologizes to Hohenheim in case he hits him when he attacks father, bless that boy

Izumi makes A GIANT FUCKING CROSSBOW, did I mention I love her?

the personal gates of all of the sacrifices open - so they have giant eyes in their stomachs, wtf

father wants to open.. the planet's gate??

(this ties in with the alkahestry and chi, but... what?)

okay, the country-wide transmutation circle activates and everyone dies

Pinako (who knows Hohenheim is involved with this shit): Hohenheim, I'm gonna slug you. AND DAMN WELL YOU SHOULD MA'AM.

then the gates open and Father challenges God to a fistfight

... and God answers??

[apparently God lives in the sun, and only comes out during an eclipse??? looks just like the usual gate-eye-tentacle creature, tho]

okay, so we get our answer as to why an eclipse: male + female, sun + moon, = perfect being = immortality.

apparently there's a rule that all megalomaniacal shounen villains end up looking the same, because Father looks just like Aizen''s final form from Bleach now, except with more eyes.

Father ate God and now he's young and hot and mostly naked again.

He negates alchemy and creates a miniature sun in his hand because he can.

I hope God gives him indigestion or something.

Oh, wait, Hohenheim had a plan after all... THOUGH APPARENTLY 50 MILLION PEOPLE HAD TO DIE FIRST, WAY TO GO THERE

turns out he's been letting bits of his philosopher stone around amestris on his travels so that father would eat them and they'd tear him apart from the inside

... and the circle for the alchemy is the moon's shadow on the earth.

[I don't know if the astronomy actually works out, but it's very nifty nonetheless]

anyway, everybody's soul returns to their bodies, and everyone wakes up. IDK how their bodies handle having been functionally brain dead, but we're just gonna say it all works out, okay?

ooh, and everyone REMEMBERS WHAT JUST HAPPENED so they’re all like “...the fuck??”

scar saves the world by activating the reverse transmutation circle over the center that all the Ishvalans set up during the time skip

instead of blood you just need circles drawn on paper for reconstruction? why did Team Evil go to so much trouble to murder people instead?

father spends this whole fight looking like a very ripped hohenheim in a bathrobe around his waist OMG

pride calls ed his brother and I think this was handled better in 03 with Envy, but w/e. anyway he's going to take over ed's body but kimblee steps in and stops him

(man, this fucker again!!!)

kimblee's like "lol, I just like being a contrary bitch"

pride is reduced to a little baby, which Ed calls "Selim" and puts on his red jacket... okay...

well that was a trip.

cannot fault the manga-ka for ambition and epic scale here, but also: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.

[krizaland]

Enter the Zimvoid Chapter 31

First Chapter   Previous

Thank you all so much for waiting! I’ve finally wrestled up enough energy to keep the story going!

Meanwhile the wedding seemed like it was taking forever.

Zib’s computer seemed to ramble on and on.  

With every word the computer uttered, the more enraged Zib became.

Normally, Dib would be bored out of his mind at a wedding but at this one? He was more stressed than ever!

All he could do was wrack his brain for any ideas! Any ideas at all!

“C’mon, Dib! Think! Think! There’s got to be a way out of here!” Dib’s mind shrieked as sweat poured down his forehead.

It wasn’t long before Dib’s sweat started to loosen the tentacles!

Dib’s eyes lit up as he was finally graced with an idea!  

However, Dib didn’t have much time to put it into action, for Zib had finally lost what little patience he had left.

“Skip to the I dos already!” Zib snarled as he held you close.

“DO YOU Y/N TAKE-”

“Of course they do” Zib interjected.

“AND DO YOU-”

Dib wriggled his head free of the tentacles for a moment.

“I OBJECT!

“WEDDING PAUSED. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO OBJECT?” Zib’s computer asked as a question mark appeared on its monitor.

“NO! NO! NO! I DO NOT WANT TO OBJECT! RESUME WEDDING NOW!!” Zib roared as he shot his computer a glare.

“YES! YES I DO WANT TO OBJECT! STOP THE WEDDING!” Dib screamed out.

“WEDDING STOPPED!”

“NO!! RESUME WEDDING AND SILENCE THAT DIB!” Zib commanded as he stomped his feet.

“OK. WEDDING RESUMED! SILENCING DIB.”

The tentacles were about to strangle Dib when

“NO! SILENCE ME!!” Dib yelped as he braced himself.

“RIGHT AWAY, DIB!”

Zib opened his mouth to speak but

FWIP!

Another tentacle jutted up from the floor and wrapped around Zib.

Zib let out a few muffled screams as he struggled against the tentacle.

“Wow! I can’t believe that worked!” Dib grinned as he wiggled around a bit more.

POP!

Dib managed to free his arms!

After freeing his arms, Dib pulled himself free of the tentacle and rushed to your side!

“Y/N! Come on, let’s get you out of here!” Dib urged as he grabbed your hand.

“But I thought we were getting married…” You murmured softly.

Dib paused for a moment as his face turned a bright shade of pink.

“I-I well…Um…You see..”

POP!

Zib let out a muffled growl as he freed an arm from the tentacle.

“W-We can talk about that later! Let’s go! Now!”

And with that, Dib tightened his grip and ran as fast as his legs could take him.

You didn’t even try to protest as Dib practically dragged you across the floor.

“C’mon, Y/N! Pick up your feet! We’ll go faster that way!” Dib pleaded as he kept running.

“Yes, Dib…” You picked up your feet and matched your pace to Dib’s.

“Good! Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll be out of here in no time!” Dib reassured.

“I don’t care where I am as long as I’m with you, Dib….” You gave Dib a loose smile.

Dib let out a dopey chuckle as he kept running.

“I love you Dib…”

Your words made Dib stop dead in his tracks.

“Do you really…” Dib trailed off for a moment before shaking away his shock. “Nyugh! No! You’re just under Zib’s control!”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, your voice just as robotic as before.

“N-Nothing! Let’s just keep going!” Dib spluttered as he kept running.

As you and Dib zoomed through Zib’s castle, Dib found it harder and harder to fight his feelings.

For every so often you tell him you loved him or praise him in some way.

Dib was caught in the crossfire of a war between his heart and his mind!

On one hand, he knew you didn’t truly love him and was under Zib’s control but on the other the idea of you being his made his heart flutter in his chest.

Dib soon found himself wondering if he could find an excuse to keep you in this state.

Dib had wanted you for as long as he could remember! Now was his chance! He could finally have you!

He could hold you in his arms and spend the rest of his life with you!

It would just be you and him together forever!  

Dib let out another giggle at the delightful thought until his conscience stepped in.

“What are you doing?! You can’t just leave Y/N like this! If you did then you’d be no better than Zib!”

Dib let out a yelp as he shook away his infatuation.

“Arg! I gotta get a hold of myself! I need to focus on getting out of this-”

FWIP!

FWIP!

FWIP!

Dib was cut off by more tentacles jutting out from the ground.

Dib tried to run but he found himself cornered!

“Oh no! A dead end!” Dib pulled you closer as he frantically tried to look for an escape.

The only visible exit seemed to be an open window behind him.

Just one look out the window made Dib feel uneasy.

“YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH STEALING Y/N FROM ME!”

Zib’s voice sounded like it was getting closer by the second!

Dib let out a startled yelp!  As much as he didn’t want to jump out the window with you, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice at this point.

“Ok, here goes nothing!”

And with that, Dib took in a deep breath, scooped you up into his arms, and threw himself out the window.

Meanwhile, the Zims below were discussing ways to save you from Zib’s clutches.

“We’re gonna order a million pizzas and I’m gonna roll around in them pizzas and then I’ll become a giaaaaant pizza!” GIR giggled as he stuck out his tongue.

“This isn’t the time for the giant pizza story, GIR. AND THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!” Your Zim growled as he snapped a finger in GIR’s face.

GIR did not like that answer at all!

He threw himself to the ground and began to throw another tantrum.

“GIR! GIR! Hey! Look at me!” Palindrome urged as he scooped up the frantic robot.

GIR stopped screaming for a moment and turned to face Palindrome.

“You need to calm down now and focus on the mission. Screaming won’t do any of us any good. Do you understand?” Palindrome asked firmly.

“I really don’t!”

Palindrome let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head.

“Ok, GIR. If you can help us out, you can…um…make as many waffles as you want.”

“YAY!!!! WAFFLES!” GIR squealed as he jumped out of Palindrome’s arms.

“Hey! How dare you tell my GIR what to do! Only I’m allowed to do that!” Your Zim growled as he put his hands on his hips.

“Hey! I got him to calm down didn’t I?” Palindrome grumbled as he folded his arms.

“Focus, Zims, focus! We need a plan to save Y/N before they’re married to that…repulsive Dib!” Specs commanded as he clapped his hands.

“Yeah! It’s not like Y/N can free themself!” 2k added as he pointed to the sky.

As if on cue, Dib came skidding down the side of the castle with you in tow.

THUMP!

He wobbled a bit as he struggled to stick his landing.

“Aha! We made it! We really made it!”

Next

[fallingstory]

> Ask the informant if she has any advice about how to contact the Chlopsky and for directions to Lublin, Thank the informant and offer to pay her back for her help if I see her again at a less busy moment. Head north to Lublin.

"Can you tell me how I can contact the Chlopsky?"

"Well, Lublin's the closest big city and its got to have a fair few members." She pauses for a moment. "I prefer the countryside myself, and most of the members hide themselves away from cities, in the farming villages or out in the mountains. But, they still need to have some ears in the centers of power."

"I need to get to Lublin, so do you know anyone I can get in touch with over there?"

The informant smiles slightly, "I've got someone in mind, friend of mine working in some of the theaters over there. Second-best way to meet up with all sorts of folks from out of town - after working at the post office. She's gone by a few names, "The Giant", "Mama Rye", "Hannah", but I can't guarantee she won't have a new name by now. The Tropos' people are all over the city, so you've gotta be willing to shed a name or two if you want to stick around there."

The informant tells you that you should head north if you want to get to Lublin quickly. There is a road directly north that should bring you there in a few hands, but you'll have to pass the Tropos' tower. Otherwise, you can try to go south and double back along a side road, but that will more than double the travel time. She also gives you a wooden whistle, "This should help you find members of my cell in any towns you come across, just blow it after sunset and follow whomever comes to guide you. If anyone asks tell them that Lady Larch vouches for you."

You thank her and tell her you'll return the favor when you cross paths again. The corners of her lips twitch slightly upwards and she wishes you safe travels.

You leave the workshop and head north, you've decided that making it to Lublin before the day is over is your top priority, no matter the risk.

It doesn't take long to reach the outskirts of town. Here the trees are thicker than they were on your path into town. Roots have been growing through sections on the edges of the path.

You take a moment to look up at the Tropos' tower. You can make out cracks in the stone and gaps in the roofing. From the corner of your eye, you spot the butcher, a large man, peering at you from around the corner of one of the houses on the edge of town. You turn and walk a bit further down the path and, when you hear him leave his hiding spot, quickly turn around. "Aha! Why are you following me?" You feel sleep shift around on your back, moving their weight from your neck to the middle of your back and sends you a light knock.

Fiddling with the pockets of his large apron, he says, "I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. I-I was just taking orders from the Tropos to harass folks."

"Apologize to the people you bullied. Why don't you have a sale or something to show you're trying to make things right?"

His eyes widen and he backs away from you. sleep knocks lightly several times.

"Okay, okay, I don't know about your finances." sleep knocks, "Ba..ck."

You turn around and see that two masked figures have got to within arm's length of you. sleep makes a particularly strong knock and one of the assailants drops to the ground, felled by a root. The other knocks sleep to the ground and then grabs you, pinning your arms behind your back. From within the trees, two more masked figures emerge, flanking a man dressed in pale blue robes. He appears to be in early middle-age, with short dark hair and a sad expression.

The butcher, who remained on the sidelines during the brief struggle, suddenly exclaims, "Tropos! I've brought you the rebel!"

Without turning, the Tropos addresses him, "Would that I could believe those were your true intentions by approaching a young traveler with a knife in your pocket."

"No, sir, this is just a-"

"Enough", the Tropos sighs. "Be thankful that you have been lucky enough to only be caught harassing traitors and rebels."

"Y-Yes", the butcher retreats back to town.

"Now, are you aware that, as the governor of Goray, one of my duties is to lend aid to Descenders such as yourself?" You see that the masked figure who had tripped has moved to a spot behind the Tropos. They are holding a sturdy wooden cage, inside of which is sleep, who is still apart from one tentacle reaching through the bars which occasionally twitches as if trying to reach you.

"Well, you can lend me aid now by letting me go and returning my Tether." You make a valiant attempt to sound courteous.

"While it would give me no greater pleasure than to help one of our valiant Descenders on their mission", the Tropos continues morosely, "Are you a valiant Descender? A passing troublemaker? Or a rebel?"

"I'm on a mission! That's why I'm heading for Lublin."

The Tropos smiles, "How wonderful, then I shall accompany you there. Why, we can even go to the Mesos together to pay our respects. You as a valiant Descender on a mission of peace and me as your humble servant."

The goon pinning your arms shoves you to your knees and ties your hands behind your back. Then, you are hauled up by the armpit and shoved down the path. You can hear the Tropos following behind with at least one other masked helper.

When you try to slow down for the others to draw level with you, the Tropos clicks his tongue. "Let's keep going forward, valiant Descender? I think your Tether will find the trip much more pleasant if we can manage to keep the pace up."

Seething, you continue north. Occasionally, the Tropos will ask you a question. "What were you doing in town?" "Did you enjoy the sights so much the first time that you had to return?" "Which ship are you from?" You don't respond and he doesn't seem to mind, or at least doesn't care enough to threaten you for an answer.

As Lady Larch said, after only a couple hands you notice that the tree cover is thinning and some roads from the east and west are merging with the one from Goray. Soon after, you spot Lublin.

You can see that Lublin's houses are made of stone and many are two or three stories tall. Dotted around the town, copper domes and stone towers give the city a jagged silhouette. In the center of town, a white castle rises clear above all the surrounding structures.

As you grow closer, you see a line of folks awaiting entrance. Mostly they are farmers pulling carts, but a few have large beasts to haul their goods, and there is one enclosed wagon painted a brilliant green with gold decoration toward the front of the line.

Now, the Tropos steps out from behind you and leads your group past the line. Several farmers seem ready to berate your poor etiquette, but look away when they notice the Tropos and his masked entourage. As you draw level with the green wagon, you see that the decorations were actually lettering - "Green Apple Circus". Two tall, muscly people pull the wagon, one man and one woman, both with close-cropped hair. The man glances at you, he stretches one large arm and you can spot a tattoo of a sheaf of wheat on the inside of his bicep.

You can hear the Tropos conversing with the guards at the gate, two men in long mail hauberks with spears in hand and short swords at their hips.

"Tropos of Goray returning with a Descender for the Mesos."

The shorter of the guards says, "I can see that. Only problem is I've been given orders to send any Descenders straight to my Captain."

"That's not a problem at all. I order you to stand aside so we can go to the Mesos. You know, the current governor of Lublin."

The taller guard speaks this time, "Say, sounds like you might be a bit confused. We don't take orders from the Mesos. We're Lendian military, reporting up to the Emian brass. We don't have to listen to you."

The Tropos' two goons have gathered up by his side, including the one with sleep, and they suddenly have cudgels in their hands - you're not sure where they got those from. The Tropos glances at you and back at the taller guard.

You are a few paces behind and can see that the circus man is now beckoning you over.

What do you do?

[savannah-lim]

Two For One Sacrifice Special || Dave & Savannah

Dave didn’t really know what he had signed up for. An ad in the local newspaper that he’d answered, asking for a local human sacrifice. “Find your peace today.” It had said, and the image with it had been a terrifying tangle of tentacles. This was some White Crest nonsense, alright, and Dave had wanted to understand what the hell was going on, that people felt so comfortable putting ads like that right in the paper. So he’d signed up, told them he was old and tired of living, which were both only partially true. He’d been sent some co-ordinates and a time - 7pm, under the waxing gibbous. Only problem was, those co-ordinates? Near something called the Devil’s Gullet. Dave didn’t like that one bit, as he waited. His coat oversized and loose, hiding his weapons. 

Cults, missing people, human freaking sacrifice. Those were the joys of White Crest. Savannah had retraced as many of Javier’s steps as she could. He’d made a pretty big deal about reading the paper every day, even if it did read like the tabloids that wrote about Alligators in the Sewers. That was where she had seen the ad. Human Sacrifice Wanted. Well… that couldn’t be good. But the spot had been filled, and so instead she had been calling the people who printed the newspaper trying to find as much information as possible. That didn’t lead anywhere either, so she tried something else. ‘Can I watch?’ It had taken a while before the answer came back. ‘Fine, we might need a backup.’ So now, here she was, unknowingly at the place where Javier had jumped to his death, armed with her government issued weapon. “Are you the…” she asked, approaching the other man on the scene.

“Sure am,��� Dave replied, his eyes narrowed. She didn’t smell like anything too suspicious. She wasn’t a shifter, that was for damn sure, and if he could get closer, he might be able to feel if her heart was hammering. Still left him with a whole range of options. He breathed in deeply, catching the thick scent of coffee, and paper like she spent most of her time in the office. Printer ink, and alcohol still clinging to her clothes. More’n that too, but he wasn’t about to dig deeper into that particular spell. No weird herbs, or magic burning, no blood. Nothing. Weird as hell. “It just you, or are we waiting for a party?”

The evening light was enough for Savannah to make out the man’s features. He had a gruffness about him, a weathered kind of look. He struck her as someone who was very hands-on, who didn’t beat around the bush. She hadn’t finished her sentence. Was he the person who posted the ad or the one who answered it? “Party? Oh, no. This isn’t my idea of a party. My idea of a party is in a warm bar, music playing, maybe some dancing. Not a giant--” She gestured to the huge hole in the ground. “What exactly is this? Why did you answer the ad?” 

That wasn’t promising in the slightest. “That’s usually my idea of a party too,” Dave agreed, tilting his head to try to get a better read on her too. “Aren’t you the one who should know?”  Dave asked, his eyes narrowing even more deeply. “Hell if I know what this place is. I was sent the GPS coordinates and came right here.” He sighed, deeply. This could be a real problem. If she wasn’t part of them, then she might scare them away. Which’d defeat the whole point of putting himself in danger now, wouldn’t it. “If you weren’t the one who texted, why’re you here? D’you know who did text?”

Well, her guess had been right. “Me?” Savannah questioned, scoffing. “Oh, you think I’m the--” she laughed humorlessly, shaking her head. “Oh, no, I’m the back-up. The person who goes in the hole if you can’t make it or--” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Don’t worry. It’s not going to happen.” She felt her badge from the inside of her jacket, but she wasn’t ready to show it yet. “Don’t know yet, but I’m going to find out.” She spoke normally again, in case they were being overheard. “I’m so excited. I’ve never seen an actual human sacrifice before.” She leaned as close to the hole as she dared, taking a look. “How deep do you think it goes?”

“Ah,” The actual fool in this situation, then, Dave thought a little unkindly. If she was here wanting to die, then he’d have to drag her out of here with him the moment shit went sideways. “Yeah, no need to throw you down there. Why’d you volunteer, if they already had someone?” He’d never even answered her question, but that was his prerogative. I wonder how you’d feel about salt. Dave groaned. That Dane kid was still stuck in his head too. Don’t send anyone out here, he tried to think loudly back at them, no idea if that would work. “Suspect I look the way most other humans look, not much exciting about me.” He didn’t quite hear what she said when she looked down the hole, but it didn’t matter ether way. “Think we got company.” He said, looking behind her, where two figures approached in deep red hoods, although to Dave they looked dark brown. It woulda looked impressive, if the hoods hadn’t come right from the costume store, literally. The price tags still hung on the hoods. 

"Why wouldn't I volunteer for something so exciting? I wanted to see what this was all about." It was only partly a lie. Savannah was probably a little more excited about the prospect of busting up a potential cult than she should have been. Of course, unlike Javier, she had the sense to send all the information back at HQ so she wouldn't just disappear without a trace if anything happened. She lifted her eyes to examine the figures as they made their way towards them. "More than one?" she huffed. She'd hoped it would be one person. It made things easier. But they didn't exactly look professional. "Oh, come on. No need for all that secrecy. Go back to Party City and get your money back. Take those things off."

“Right,” Dave said, because she was beginning to look more foolish by the minute. He didn’t have time to say more, as the two approached in their cloaks. They looked young, from what he could see of their jaunt and their long, bony profiles. “You’re not in a position to make demands, ma’am. He is the guy. David, right?” One of them said, and while his eyes were hidden, Dave could see a bad batch of angry acne on his chin. Dave didn’t even blink as they walked over to him, clasping his hands behind his back. He looked back over to the woman, hoping she wouldn’t do anything rash. He almost missed what Acne-Chin had to say. “Shit. He’s not human!”

Savannah’s disapproval was evident as they came close enough for her to get a better look at them in spite of the hoods. “Not in a position to-- Oh, come on. I’m not going to be ordered around by Zac Efron in High School Musical.” She furrowed her brow. Technically, she could have arrested them right now, but she wanted to see what they would do. Advertising for a human sacrifice, though very suspect, wasn’t actually against the law. Not unless she could prove they were going to actually kill someone. “Uh, excuse me? What do you mean not human?” 

Dave couldn’t help it, he snorted, trying not to take a liking to her when she’d volunteered herself to die. Still, the kid in the red hood wasn’t done talking, and Dave’d keep himself mild either way, trying not to curse as it revealed him. How the fuck did Acne-Chin know?“I can always tell. Her. We can use her. Can you get the circle going? I’ve got Dungeons and Dragons tonight and we gotta get this thing summoned before then or my grades’ll got to shit,” Acne-Chin said to his friend. A flap of wind caught his hood, briefly exposing the rest of his long, narrow face before tugging it back down. “Don’t worry old man, we’ll make sure you die either way.”

“Oh, no, you have to be able to legally drink to touch me.” Savannah stiffened, her features stern. Now that was enough. He’d made direct threats. Now was as good a time as any. There wasn’t going to be much more probably cause than that unless she actually let them throw this poor bastard into the hole. She reached for her badge, holding it up with one hand, brandishing her gun with the other. “FBI! Hands up, hoods down. You’re both under arrest for attempted murder.” 

The acne riddled kid was reaching into his pocket as he was speaking. Dave opted to watch him do it rather than understanding the threats, so when he aimed to stab Dave caught his wrist before he could even do anything. The woman was yelling something, and the two turned to look at her simultaneously, giving Dave the chance to twist the kid’s wrist hard enough for him to drop the tackily decorated knife he was holding. Acne-Chin wilted, and Dave stepped away from him as Acne-Chin raised his hands. He hadn’t understood her yelling, but he could read the badge alright. Thank god she hadn’t really wanted to be sacrificed then. Acne-Chin started panting, his eyes wild as he made a break for the… giant hole in the ground. Before he could get much of anywhere, Dave grabbed him and shoved him to the ground. “No use in running, kid. No sacrifice for you today.”

Savannah couldn’t help but be a little impressed as Dave wrestled the knife out of the adolescent hand of the young man. The other was still brandishing one though, and she had her weapon trained on him. “Uh-uh, don’t do it, Riverdale.” He turned his head to look over his shoulder at his friend, the one who had since been wrestled to the ground, and he sighed, dropping the knife. “Damnit, Tucker, you couldn’t check if you were inviting law enforcement here?” Savannah rolled her eyes and moved in to cuff them. “Save it for the police station.” She tossed a pair of handcuffs to the other man. “Not human, huh? So they’re crazy as well as murderers?” 

“Yeah, must be.” Dave lied, because like hell was he giving secrets to the FBI “Figured they were doing something weird ‘n’ creepy from the ad. Figured I was better at stopping them than some random hapless teen, you know.” Dave looked her over. “Turns out, the hapless person ain’t so hapless after all.” He wrestled the kid to the ground proper, yanking his hands behind his back, but the handcuffs were a little trickier to operate than Dave’d realised - he usually killed shit, he didn’t help cops with civilian arrests or whatever. All the while, it felt like the Devil’s Gullet was watching him, which made no sense, and made him want to get the hell outta here. He almost had the kid in the cuffs when the kid squirmed and yanked his arm free and reached into his pocket. Dave saw a round flask full of pink liquid, before it was thrown between him and the FBI lady, and exploded with a loud fizz. 

“Oh, so you didn’t actually intend to let them throw you into a bottomless pit with your hands tied behind your back?” Savannah challenged. Well, that was a damn relief. She’d had enough crazy for tonight. But it seemed that crazy hadn’t had enough of her. “Watch it! He’s--” but she never got to finish her sentence. She didn’t manage to get the frat boy cultist into the back of her car by the time the other had thrown the flask. The pink liquid turned to pink smoke, engulfing the space between them. Savannah spluttered and coughed, her vision blurred, her surroundings becoming fuzzy at the edges. She saw Javier in the smoke, surrounded by faces she didn’t know. They were blurred and dream-like, but Javier was clear as day. She saw him jump into the pit, and her scream to him fell on nothingness. He couldn’t hear her. 

Her head spun with an unspeakable language, like what she’d heard on Javier’s tapes, and out of the smoke, she saw squid-like tentacles reaching for her like desperate hands. She saw them mixing with Javier’s features, she saw him turn violent, and then her vision snapped back to normal. One teen had vanished in the smoke, and the other was still struggling on the ground having fallen there in the scuffle. “What the hell did you do to me, you little shit?” she snapped, and the boy gave the best shrug he could manage with handcuffed arms.

“Just showed you a little piece of the truth. What you do with it is up to you.” 

“Wasn’t on my plan for the day,” Dave snorted wryly, but he should have been acting so glibly as the potion began to fizz. He coughed and spluttered, but didn’t let go of Acne-Chin once. The smoke filled his eyes and nose, suffocating out the rest of his vision. He didn’t see what she did, didn’t see anything more than the deep fog surrounding them. Maybe it was some damn part of the spell the college students hadn’t expected him to show up for, but he didn’t comment on it. Acne-Chin struggled in his grasp right up until the second the fog faded into the air. Dave was left holding the cheap red hood, and nothing else. He looked up at the agent as she snapped, visibly rattled. “Shit. You alright?”

“Ugh, yeah, I’m fine,” Savannah grumbled, rubbing the back of her head and pulling herself up off the ground, wiping off his jeans. She was having a hell of a day. “Just made my head spin for a second.” She planned on grilling this obnoxious little shit about exactly what his friend had poisoned her with. She opened up her car door, placing her captive in the back seat and locking him in. “I’m going to take him to the station and Miranda him. I trust I’ll be seeing you there to take a statement.” Her tone indicated that wasn’t merely a polite request. “Freaking kids and their freaking death cults…” she mumbled to herself, gritting her teeth as she climbed into the front seat. This town was going to be the death of her. 

[seanshumblehome]

The Secret Trio in:The Sons of Liberty (Part 5 - The depth’s).

      Tensions where high in the elevator as the boy’s watched the levels go by, wondering when or where they would stop.Suddenly the elevator jerked as it came to a stop, they prepared themselves, ready to fight whatever was on the other side of the elevator doors.When the doors slid open Randy threw a mix of smoke and flash bombs, Danny and Jake then rushed in with Randy following in behind.Once the smoke settled the boy’s where slightly embarrassed to notice that the room was empty.While Randy checked for traps, Jake covered the doors while Danny used the computer at the desk to find out where they where.After making no progress Danny sighed then stepped away from the computer.

“Got anything Danny?” Randy asked as he approached the desk.

“No, we’re just going to have to walk around and hope we find a map that’ll lead us to something important.” Danny said as he walked away from the desk.

“Unless we ask somebody.” Jake suggested as he pointed down the hallway to an unsuspecting guard.

“Good idea Jake,” Danny said as he patted him on the shoulder, “I’ll go ask him if he knows where we are.” Danny continued with a smirk.

      Randy and Jake watched as Danny sneaked up to the guard and wrapped his arm around his neck, Danny then slammed the guard into the cold metal floor with a thud.

“Ah who?” The soldier growled in contempt.

“Hush, I’m asking the questions, where are we?” Danny asked as he tightened his grip on the guards neck.

“Hmph, you’re on sub-level nine.” The guard answered.

“Where would you guy’s keep your plans, you know important information guy’s like me ain’t supposed to know about?” Danny asked smugly.

“Mission control is on level ten, you couldn’t miss it.” the guard grumbled

“Thanks, now how would my friends and I get to this places power supply?” Danny asked.

“Through sub-level eleven. the geothermal reactor is there.” The guard answered.

      Content with the information he had gotten Danny punched the guard knocking him unconscious.

“So what’s the plan now?” Randy asked.

“Same as always, we find out what they’re doing here, then set the place to blow on are way out the door.”  Danny answered with a smirk as they began walking down the hallway.

“Then let’s go man, I don’t like being underground for too long.” Jake said as he made his way towards a door.

      The trio quickly began making their way through the mountain facilities hallways and corridors, knocking out any guards they came across, time was of the essences.At any moment the guards trapped outside the facility would bust in and warn the base to the trio’s presence.After a few moments the trio now stood before to large automatic doors with the words mission control center over the doors.The doors slid open to an empty room filled with computers and a large screen that took up most of the wall.

“This must be the place.” Jake said as he looked around.

“Yeah, alright guys get searching, there’s gotta be something here that’ll tell us what’s going on her.“ Danny said as they entered the room.

      The trio wasted no time ransacking the place for any info they could find, flies, computers, didn’t matter, they began sifting through as much as they could. As Randy and Jake searched the giant screen come on filling the room with a soft blue light, as they turned their attention to it they noticed Danny standing at a computer that was in front of the large screen.On the screen a 3D graphic of what looked like an air craft carrier with jet engines on it’s sides sat in the center of the large screen.

“Uh Danny I don’t think this the time for games.” Randy joked, earning a glare from Danny.

“It’s not a game, it’s what they’re building,” Danny answered, “Watch this.” Danny said before pressing a small red button.

      The trio watched as a map of the United States appeared on screen followed by an icon of the airship flying over Washington, then it began to launch missiles and striking multiple States.Randy and Jake watched in horror as the simulation showed Norrisville and New York being struck.

“Those are nukes, aren’t they?” Randy asked with a whimper, Danny only responded with a nod.

“Yo no way am I letting a bunch of chumps blow up my city, not on my watch!” Jake shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.

“Is that why they’re selling nukes, as a contingency?” Randy asked as he turned to Danny.

“No from what I gathered, they’re a diversion for their main event, the hostile take over of the government.” Danny answered.

“But we got time to stop this right?” Jake asked as he turned to Danny.

“The airship is in an underground hanger close by, if we destroy the reactor that should keep it form getting air born.” Danny answered.

“Then let’s go stomp these fools out.” Jake growled as he cracked his knuckles.

      The boy’s rushed out of mission control and began running towards a stairwell, as the trio made their way to sub-level eleven a loud alarm suddenly went off through out the base.

“Guess they know we’re here now.” Randy shouted as they ran down the stair’s.

“Then we need to hurry, move it!“ Danny ordered.

      The trio rushed to sub level eleven, hearing the sound of boots run following them, then they saw it, the entrance to sub-level eleven.Danny quickly opened the door allowing Jake and Randy to run straight through, after closing and looking the door behind them Danny turned to see a large machine in the center of the room.The machine hummed as red hot magma was pumped through the machine, it’s near limitless energy powering the base.

“Jeez how are we destroying that?“ Randy asked in awe at the machine’s size.

“It would take a dump truck full of bombs to even put a dent in that thing.” Jake said as he ran a claw against the machine’s metal, leaving no scratch.

“There’s gotta be a way, Randy put bombs on anything that looks like a support structure, Jake just try and break anything, I’ll see if there’s a computer or a control console that I can mess with.” Danny ordered before taking of towards what looked like a control room.

      Quickly they all went to work, Randy stuck ninja bombs to anything that looked weak, Jake went from cable to pipe attempting to smash or pull apart anything that he was strong enough to break, while Danny just mashed buttons in the control room.Warning lights blinked, alarms cried, the reactor itself chugged, hissed, shook and rumbled as the trio ran a muck.Soon the boys regrouped at the bottom of the machine.

“You think that did it?” Jake asked.

“I think so, we’ll know when it blows up.” Danny answered

“Then let’s get out of here before that-” Randy was silenced when bullets began flying past them.

      The trio took cover where ever they could as the soldiers fired upon them. Randy then throw a smoke bomb at the soldiers blinding them and momentarily halting their fire.The trio rushed out from behind cover, pushing past the soldiers and flying up the stairwell.

“Oh I hope these stairs all the way up!” Jake shouted in concern.

“Less talk more fly!” Randy shouted as he spurred Jake in the side causing him to fly faster.

“We’ll make it just keep going up!” Danny shouted.

      As they flew up the stairwell, a loud explosion came from beneath them, looking down Randy watched as a massive pillar of fire raced up after them. With every second they got closer and closer to the top, the intense heat engulfed them as the fire got closer and closer.Once at the top the trio reached the top, ran through the door and leaped for cover as fire erupted out of the door.

“You guy’s alright?” Danny said as he breathed a sigh of relief.

“I think so.” Jake said rubbing his head.

“A little crispy around the edges but I’m good.” Randy said with a chuckle.

      Then as if on cue the ground beneath them began to rumble, the boy’s watched as soldiers bolted from a room that looked like it was engulfed in flame. Explosions could be heard through out the base over the sound of blaring alarms and soldiers yelling.The trio got to their feet and made their way towards what looked like a small underground hanger.Upon entering it they watched as multiple shoebills took off through the open hanger doors, some struggling to get off the ground while others flew out effortlessly.The trio followed in the shoebills example and flew out through the open hanger doors.The feeling of immense relief filled the trio as they watched the scattered soldiers flee in seemingly all directions.

“Man those guy’s didn’t know what hit ‘em!” Jake shouted confidently.

“I don’t think these shoob’s are ever coming back from that!” Randy shouted joyfully as he bumped fists with Jake’s.

      Danny couldn’t help but feel proud of his small team, they had taken down a force that out numbered them ten to one but against all odds, they still beat them, sure they would still have to deal with the small squads but they could be easily dealt with, Danny sighed and smiled enjoying the victory...but that feeling was short lived when he suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain in his chest. Looking down he saw it, a long fleshy tentacle tipped with a long, jagged blade that was sticking out of his chest.Randy and Jake watched as the tentacle was violently ripped out causing Danny to plummet to the ground.Danny slammed into the ground so hard he bounced and landed on his chest,Randy and Jake raced to the ground, landing next to him Randy leaped off of Jake’s back and quickly used his art of healing on his wound, Jake turned to face their attacker and upon seeing him he felt a cold chill run down his spine.There stood Sigma, with his blood covered whip arm, he then watched as the arm formed into a long, sharp,blade that was almost as tall as he was.Jake then looked at Danny, his wound was partially healed but he would need more healing somewhere safer.

“Is he gonna be alright?“ Jake asked, concerned.

“He’ll live,” Randy answered wrapped his scarf tight around Danny’s wound covering it, “But he’ll need to get out of here right now.“ He continued as he tied a knot and severed the end of his scarf that was connected to the knot.

“I’ll fight him, buy you guy’s some time to get out of here.” Jake said as he tired his best not to look afraid.

“No, you take him,” Randy said as he stepped in front of Jake, “You can fly and you can carry him longer than I a can cause of the whole, dragon thing.”  He continued as he pulled out his sword.

      Jake didn’t want to leave Randy here to fight that monster, but Danny was barely hanging onto to life, he sighed and he slumped his shoulder’s before picking up Danny.

“I’ll come back as soon as he’s safe, just try not to die till I get back.” Jake said before taking to the air.

      Sigma watched as Jake flew off, carrying Danny in his arm’s, Sigma then looked back at Randy and began approaching him.

“It would’ve been smarter to run.” Sigma said in a stern tone.

“Maybe, but you and I got unfinished business.” Randy said as he approached.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Sigma asked in stern tone.

       Randy and Sigma rushed towards each other, once he was close Sigma swung his blade arm towards Randy but Randy slid under his attack, Randy then drove his sword deep into Sigma’s side causing him to growl in pain. Randy leaped back as Sigma swung his blade arm at him once again, Randy countered by swing his sword at his chest, slicing through his kevlar vest. Sigma leaped back and transformed his arm into a bladed whip, Sigma swung his arm towards Randy but he countered by ducking it and cutting his arm off. Sigma grew increasingly more impatient with Randy, voiding all of his attacks but still landing attacks on him, it infuriated him.The ground rumbled beneath them as the underground base destroyed itself, suddenly pillars of fire erupted from the ground around them.As they fought the ground beneath them gave way causing them to fall into a underground hanger, Sigma and Randy landed a catwalk that hung above a raging oil fire beneath them.Sigma rushed towards Randy, violently swinging his blade arm at him, Randy blocked and dodged his attacks, Randy leaped over Sigma then cut off his blade arm, causing him to roar in agony and turn his other arm into a blade.Randy ducked his attack, ignited his blade and pierced Sigma straight through his heart causing him to roar in pain.Randy then ripped out his sword and kicked Sigma away, before Sigma could counter he was struck in the chest with a fireball that carried him over the railing of the catwalk and straight into the oil fire, Sigma roared and began incoherently shouting as he burned alive.Randy barely escaped the hanger as it collapsed, burying the hanger in dirt and rock.Randy looked around seeing that he was alone, even with the onset of exhaustion Randy knew that standing around waiting for Jake seeing as there still could be soldiers in the area, so he did his best to remember which direction Jake had flown towards. After figuring it out he then began walking in that direction.

“Meanwhile“

      With Danny in his arms Jake flew as fast as he could towards San Fransokyo but as he flew Danny began to awaken.Dazed, he looked around for a moment taking in his situation and surroundings, he then noticed the makeshift bandage wrapped around his chest along with the pain.

“Jake...where are we going?” Danny asked weakly.

“Back to the city, you got hit bad by that monster dude Sigma.” Jake answered.

“Where’s Randy?” Danny asked with concern.

“He...stayed to fight him.” Jake answered shamefully.

“He what!!!” Danny shouted before flinching in pain, “We need to go back, he can’t possible fight him alone.” Danny said as he attempted to pull himself out of Jake’s grasp.

      Danny then phased through Jake and began flying back to save Randy. It only took moments to get back to the clearing.The clearing was ravaged, with a large hole in the middle and fire was scattered around the area.Then he saw him, Danny rushed to Randy who had found a tree to lean against.

“Randy!” Danny shouted as he approached, “Randy are you alright, can you walk?” Danny continued as he placed his hand on Randy’s shoulder.

“I’m fine just...exhausted.” Randy said pausing for a yawn.

“Heh I know that,” Danny said in agreement, “So where’s Sigma, he run of again?” Danny asked curious.

“I killed him, kicked him into a pit of fire.” Randy answered sternly. 

“Well that’s one problem solved,” Danny said with chuckle.

      Before Randy could respond the ground then began to violently shake. The sound of snapping trees, tumbling rocks, and sliding dirt filled the air as the boy’s watched what looked like a massive set of doors rising up from the ground. Then like a while breaching the surface a gigantic aircraft carrier-like airship fly into the air.The boy’s watched as the airship then turned to the west and headed towards Washington.Jake soon joined Danny and Randy watching the ship flew off into the distance.

“No!” Randy shouted as he forced himself to stand, “We blew up their wonking base, we turned it into a smoking hole in the ground!” Randy shouted again.

“How would we even stop that thing, it’s giant!” Jake said in shock.

“I don’t know,” Danny quietly mumbled.

“Well we need to think of something and quick.“ Randy said frantically.

      Danny starred at the ground thinking as Jake and Randy shouted back and forth about what to do.He looked back at the ship which was a quickly disappearing into the clouds, he sighed then grabbed Randy by his shoulder, interrupting Randy and Jake’s argument.

“Randy do you know if there’s a military base near by?” Danny asked getting a puzzled look from Randy. 

“No, what just because I knew where one base was means I know where every U.S. military base is.” Randy sarcastically replied.

“Well let’s find out cause we’re gonna need a shoebill to get on that ship.” Danny said startling Randy.

“Are you trying to get us killed, that thing defiantly has guns on it that’ll blow us out of the sky the moment we get close!” Randy shouted.

“I don’t even think I could get us close enough without getting shot.” Jake mentioned.

“I know, but I have an Idea I’ll explain once we figure out where to get a ride.” Danny said with a smirk.

      After looking up where a military base was the boy’s then flew off towards the base.Whatever Danny’s plan was Randy and Jake hoped that they wouldn’t be to late.

To Be Continued in (Part 6).

[bluem0use]

It's about time I introduced you to the cast of The Crackin'-Up Studios. Don't worry. You'll be seeing them again, especially in the mini-comics!

**In order from top to bottom, left to right**

Billie Bob Willie-Nillie Black Sheep: The overall face of The Crackin'-Up Studios itself. She is the ring leader to the whole circus. The pilot to all the flight attendance. The manager to a corporate office. You get the whole idea. She's one poppin' fire-cracker (A.K.A. has a short temper) that's all for the business, but doesn't mind getting silly from time to time. On screen, she is the definition of unpredictable and crazy, fun and silly. She's a gun happy country gal that started off small and came out big with her talents for making people laugh. She worked hard to get her way to the top. And all of it has obviously paid off. If someone was to use words to describe her, it would be fun, loving, friendly, brave, courageous, generous, the list could go on and on. This gun-loving  little lady, no matter where she goes, always somehow seems to change people's lives. And for the better.

Poochie Pooh Poodle: Billie's partner-in-crime. Her bestest friend since her younger years. Her ride or die buddy. Poochie is the main co-star to the series, and a serious eye-candy to men. While Billie is featured as the funny, wacky, unpredictable, quirky character on-screen of the trio, Poochie is often featured as the sex-appeal. The sex symbol. The hot mama. She also models as a little side job whenever necessary. She's the sweetest sweetie-pie you will ever meet in your life. However, proceed with caution. When provoked, she's one sassy gal and won't hesitate to give you a mouthful (and probably a gun wound) if you mess with her, or her friends.

Wolfie Blackfang Wolf: What's the three musketeers without a male in the picture? Wolfie may not have known these two women as long as they've known each other, but their his closest family he's ever had since he left the orphanage. He is also the main co-star to the series, accompanied by being the musical genius of the three. Since a young boy, Wolfie has practiced music as not only his hobby, but his life. His alluring ability was able to trap the young black sheep and poodle in a trance on a fateful night in a club where he worked to try and make a living, thus landing him a job and a ticket to materialization through the ladies. From there, he has always acted as the stud of the three, protecting them whenever they needed an extra hand and also charming women with his attractive voice along the way.

Candy Bat: This "monster", this "usually nocturnal creature of the night", this "mysterious shadow" is nothing but a sweet treat in the eyes of many who travel far and wide to Nightwalk Bay to get a taste of his sweet treats at the local candy shop. At least, that's what Billie, Poochie, and Wolfie will tell ya. Famous for his line of business, Candy Bat is a harmless, humble candy man..err..bat that seeks nothing but to fill the mouths of the fortunate with a sweet after-taste. His delicious pastries, frozen desserts, and fizzy drinks aren't the only thing that appeals to the eyes of many. He's also a support character at The Crackin'-Up Studios during the day and a friendly (but hissy, due to his uncontrollable excited hisses whenever he meets someone new and/or is excited) candy shop-keeper at night.

Scratches: Whoa, watch out for that web! There's a BIG spider up there! And his name is none other than Scratches, yet another support cast character for The Crackin'-Up Studios. When in the presence of my six-armed friend, be cautious. Scratches loves the ladies and will go through extreme lengths to entangle you in his web, if he deems you a worthy enough mate. Don't worry fellas, he doesn't swing that way. Though..spider's gotta eat, right? What? Spiders only eat insects? Not this playful, flirtatious one. Note that this spider is dead, and has been ressurrected after a deal made by Ozzan (scroll down to reference Ozzan's bio). Therefore, Scratches likes human flesh too. Dont worry too much though. He's too busy chasing both Poochie and Billie around the studios, trying to declare his love for them. Though...something about a huge demon spider just..turns those two ladies off.

Honey Hyena: As the name implies, this hyena is sweet as honey! Raised on a bee farm, this little lady never expected to end up being a supporting cast character to The Crackin'-Up Studios. That was, until a little Black Sheep mozied on over and decided to offer her the position and the materialization process just like everyone else. She figured the nice lady would need the money boost besides "Milkin' bees all day long" - Billie. Honey loves bees. In fact, on her days off from woking at the studios, that's all she does! Is work, work, work at her long-descended family bee farm, making honey and selling it for some dough (money) as a side job. She is also the motherly figure to all the cartoon ladies on set and often tries to share her knowledge with them in hopes she can help guide them on the right path. I mean, not everyone is perfect, right?

Bon Isabell Bunny: Daughter of a long deceased magician (who was, ironically a white bunny), she has seeked to find more support by becoming a supporting cast character to the TV series. However, though, she wasn't looking to be a supporting character when offered the job by Billie Bob. Bon has a bit of a...strong hatred for Billie Bob. Bon saw how much love and respect the black sheep got, even from her "enemies". So, what does this tempered (its just as bad as Billie's, trust me), quick-to-anger, grumpy gal do? Well, it's like they say, "Kill the sheep, take her wool!". That is...if she could catch her first. Forever caught in this game of cat-and-mouse on screen and off screen, Bon decided to settle into this position for now. Hopefully one day, her magic tricks and traps can pay off and actually earn her a spot in the lead position.

Bon Iseah Bunny: Twin brother to the other Bon Bunny, this bunny seems the complete opposite of his sister. This magic bunny doesn't mind being a supporting cast character, and instead enjoys making others smile with her magic tricks and qurkiness. After all, its what his deceased magician father would have wanted. He admires Billie and everything that she does not only for everyone else, but herself. He just hopes with time, his sister can see that. For now, this calm bunny will just have to play as yin to his sister's yang (A.K.A., trying his best to calm her in her most stressed and ferocious moments).

Molly Cow: Before her rise to fame as another member of The Crackin'-Up Studios crew, Molly Cow, the half-pig half-cow offspring, could not keep a job to save her life! She was lazy, less focused, often slacking or ducking off, and/or giving up before she even set foot in the door! The funny thing is, she wouldn't care, and just go back to living with her parents. Seeing as though Molly's confident and care-free attitude was a necessity to bring on some laughs, all Billie had to do was offer a hand to the voluptuous, intriguing young woman and for some odd reason, this cartoon has managed to keep the job ever since. Side note, if you ask her what her "other" job would be whenever she brings it up, it would be shopping. She is ALL about the fashion!

Malachi (formerly known as "Michael Jamesking"): Yes, Malachi is actually an angel. AND, he is also a featuring asset to the team whenever needed. With the help of one of Veronica's potions (scroll down to reference Veronica's bio), he has the ability to shrink down to size on command. He also is a good line of defense if life-threatening danger ever be-falls the company, for even if he is a judgement angel, he is considered very powerful against a mortal (unless demon weapons are used against him). He is pure, friendly, and kind, however, you must not associate yourself with the presence of evil upon first meetings. He IS a jugement angel after all and will be quick to judge you and shame you for your choice of sin and avoid you like the plague while also be-littleing you. Ironically, the only exception to this treatment is Ozzan (his best friend in all universes) and Bendy (in the head-canon canon universe). Also note, Malachi was never always Malachi. Malachi was once Michael, a regular, normal, working business man who unfortunately got hit by a car on his morning rush to work.

Ozzan: Oh boy. This one's a bad one. If you thought Scratches (scroll up to reference Scratche's bio) was bad, wait until you get a load of this one! This foul-mouthed, ill-mannered, obnoxious, flirtatious pervert is somehow a necessity to The Crackin'-Up Studios. His crude sense of humor and anctics tend to get a good laugh out of adults more than oblivious children. He will flirt with anything, sleep with anything, hell even risk catching some sort of SEXUAL DISEASE for anything that has legs. This man lives, breathes, and embraces everything that is bad at every cost, every time. Its possibly why he was so close to Lucifer (the Devil) back when he was in Hell. Though, take caution. If you piss him off (which isn't really hard to do), he WILL tear you to bits and peices with his bare fists. Also, beware of tentacles and trendils ladies. He has them everywhere and can use them not only in battle, but also for...other things. So beware and..make sure your doors are locked.

Veronica Bat: Born "Daddy's Little Monster", Veronica is the daughter of Candy Bat and Valentine Naxxremis (formerly Bat)(She will be referenced in the next ref). For most of her life, she has lived with her mother and embraced her witch-hood, which usually ends up with the little gloom and doom bookworm getting bullied for being a "half-breed". However, her luck gets turned around when she meets Billie Bob (like a lot of these people's do) who helps instill in her to be happy to be herself and to screw what everyone else says..and to also get back at them at all costs. She looks up to Billie and Poochie as her "Aunties", though, has trouble getting along with her father. She was raised to believe she had left her and her mother and never really loved them. Which, is obviously not true, but, she has a hard time believing that. Once welcomed to the cast, Veronica is a huge hit with the goth little teen girls who aspire to be like her: beautiful and mysterious. Let's just hope she gets he powers under control first, for she struggles with that a great deal on screen for comical effect and off screen.

Patricia Greene Pig: (A/N: She probably has had the MOST change out of all of them, so beware) Patricia is Delloris's (scroll down for Delloris's bio) bestest friend since childhood. Snobby, rude, sassy, class. All of these combined makes her perfect for scenes where she's the girl that thinks she's too good for the male trying to win her heart. Likes are, their only trying to "woo" it for her money. Oh, did I mention she's very wealthy? Her and Delloris aren't friends for nothing. You have to have some sort of status when it comes to getting in goods with the mayor's one and only daughter. Also note that Patricia is an EXTREME germo-phobe and will pelt you down with germ-x if you've so much as TOUCHED an un-sanitized door knob.

Hank Kat: Hank Kat has been an aspired musician since he was a little boy. He has really known the struggles of what it's like to be broke from both of his poor parents. So, as a way to raise some money, he went out on the streets and played his father's old rusty trumphet for some pocket change. Crowds were so awed at his talent, before long, Hank was hitting the clubs to try and win over some cash to take care of his parents once he became of age. Similar to Wolfie, Poochie had just so happened to stumble upon him. Though they didn't exactly see eye-to-eye due to species war, they were able to put their differences aside the night they had spent together, dancing the night away. As they danced, Poochie would listen to this party-goer's story and become sympathetic for the poor fellow. Thus, she figured his wallet could be fed a little more and thus offered for him to be a support character on the team. With his toe-tappin', feed stompin', hand wavin; jams that he can play on trombone, trumphet, pretty much just about any instrument he could blow into, he would become not only a major asset to the supporting cast, but also the music, both at his day job at the studios and his night job in the clubs.

Puncho: This "unstoppable brick wall" can take a punch and also pack it. After all, they don't call him "Puncho" for nothing! Though he's not much of fan favorite unless it comes to his famous boxing episodes, Puncho is a well-served supporting cast in the crew. He's often seen alongside his partner, Scraps Skunk (scroll down for Scrap's bio), no matter what the situation. He has a temper just like Billie, girl Bon, and Ozzan, however, instead of unleashing it by yelling at coworkers and throwing large objects (Billie), chasing someone down the hall with a chainsaw (Girl Bon), or spewing a bunch of curse words that's enough to make a sailor blush (Ozzan), he lets out his steam in the ring. He is the undefeated champion (if you don't count his and Billie's first brawl in one of her posters) within the boxing ring and anyone who dare wants to challenge him in taking his belt, well. Better be prepared for the pain. Bring a lot of ice.

Scraps Skunk: A timid, shy soul who is pure and good at working the ring as a referee. He plays fair though, he always will support his bestest friend, Puncho no matter what. His often scared, frightened, shaky attitude is welcomed on screen whenever needed. He was often bullied through his childhood and unlike those who have toughed up from it, he only seemed to soften. Hell, even Billie has chewed him out for his overly push-over nature. Though, she gives up. For nothing can change this poor man's soft heart and kind ways.

Wallis Moose: What else to say about this guy besides him obviously being a horrible detective? After his first appearance as one in one of Billie's episodes, Wallis fell in love with the idea of being one and even off screen, tries to solve "mysteries" wherever he is needed. However, he always slips up short and makes himself to be a fool. How did he even earn a spot on the team? Well, to put it simple, Wallis is a stone cold, hard drunk. He drinks and drinks and drinks, and when he's hiccuping and stumbling all over the place, Billie couldn't help but find it amusing the first time they met. After all, the first night they met, they both danced drunkinly through the streets of Nightwalk Bay, where they somehow met. As kooky as it sounds, it actually happened. Believe me.

Chico Georgina Chick: This once poor broken flapper was able to leave her broken past of having to prostitute herself on the streets and go some nights starving behind. Coincidentally, Chico was given another opportunity at a better life by Hank Kat (scroll up for Hank's bio), who happened to run into her at one of the clubs and show her a much better life than what she was living by offering her a position at the studios and materialization through the machine. Now a re-born, classy lady, this former flapper...heh...well, let's be honest. Girl loves to party and dance like there's none tomorrow, is ready to bring all the club's joy and bump to the table on screen. Hank is often seen by her side, playing away on his trumphet while she dances on top of a table. Nothing too promiscuous or provocitive. Want to keep the adult's attention but not as much. She's known as the party girl out of the group and also knows a thing or two about fashion. Also, keep her as FAR away from Molly (scroll up for Molly's bio) as possible..they fight a lot.

Delloris Acorn: Delloris is the beloved daughter of the mayor of Toon City, within the alternate world where cartoons "live". Her mother died giving childbirth and though she never knew her mother. She was always expected to act lady-like and proper, is why she carries herself that way. Though, the day Billie met Delloris and her father and was allowed to spend the day with her, Billie turned her upside down and all around. To the point Delloris came home, dress cut into a tank-top, short short overalls, knee-high socks, messy hair, and busted shoes. Billie's excuse was they were pig wrestling (no pun intended Patricia). Her father was awfully upset and almost demanded Billie to be arrested, however, Billie's sly deal to offer Delloris a spot at the studios was the only thing that saved her from some jail time. Now, while away from her rich and perfect life as the mayor's "little princess", she's allowed to get down and dirty. Especially on screen where down and dirty are necessary for some laughs.

Mad Mouse (also known as "Maddison K Mouse"): Why is this mouse so quiet and mysterious? Why does he never speak or even take off his goggles? Wait, is this mouse even a "he" at all? Well, yes and no. To put a long story short, back in these days and times of the early 1900s, women weren't taken seriously. Even toon women. Born a genius, the only way to get people to notice her freakishly large brain talent is to disguise herself as a man and as to go as "Mad Mouse" instead of "Maddison Mouse". However, her little secret couldn't be kept that long, for an incident in her labs caused her to lose part of her disguise and have to come clean to Billie, Poochie, and Wolfie. It was through them who helped her realize that, no matter who you are, your voice deserved to be heard no matter what. From that point on, this support cast member decided to cease wearing the disguse and be her actual self. Though, I wouldn't mess with this quiet little genius. She's a little...mad (crazy), as the legends and cartoons portray her as.