#Gotta get the angst out first though lmao

[lexicorp]

Transformers Earthspark: Another Place, Another Prison

So I have like a couple chapters planned for this little fic, like 5 or so so far, idk [the number is steadily increasing-]. And I figured I could prob post on tumblr since i dont know much bout other sites lol.

The jist is that I love TF Earthspark, but they again screwed over Star when it wasn't even set up for that after season 1. They did so anyway and I have so much Star angst rotating in my brain, especially after that scene in the last ep of S3 where he was having a goddamn tea party with corpses. Also thinking about how he lived without energon in there, and the chaos energy effects, and how in that rage plague episode everyones behavior was so damn Starscream influence coded that my first theory had been that chaos energy was leaked and Bee had contracted it from the lightning.

a couple of the chaps are gonna be named after episodes in S3.

Summary: Star is isolated and bugged up by chaos energy to function without energon and plays with corpses like dolls and begs for a rescue that never comes [In actuality I am constructing a wack ass eventual good ending for da boi somehow-]. The chaos shit gives him fits of blind rage~

Next chapter: No Soldier Left Behind

Chapter 1: The Need For Read

The perception of time has always been a funny thing. Cybertronians, humans, any complex being amongst the stars clocked it differently. For Starscream, any means of organizing it was always a tactical, professional asset. If you thought time could be used recreationally without thought, you were a fool. Any time that wasn’t strictly clasped into submission to fill its roll would become sluggish, warped, and glitchy at best. It was yet another one of those things that would never be your friend.

Like now, for instance, Starscream was bored. So. Unbelievably. Bored. 

So he paced. He had to think of something to get out of this Primus forsaken Titan. After obtaining the full power of the shattered Emberstone with Spitfire and Aftermath’s help, his memory had become filled with even more oh so helpful static. How had he lost? He had the Decepticon army, even if it was rather miniscule on Earth. He had the power of a Prime. A Titan under his will. He had it all under control. All planned out. Everything had gone perfectly! 

Something had happened when the chaos energy sparked from the corrupted Emberstone had flooded his systems. All he remembered seeing after borrowing Spitfire and Aftermath’s shards, and creating his gauntlet became… glazed in red light. He should have crushed the autobots and begun reshaping this pathetic planet into New Cybertron! Not suddenly have the power be ripped away from him as this useless Titan ceased its pathetic functioning! What the frag happened?! 

Nothing about that was right. No one should have stood in his way–

As Starscream began to pace faster, he growled and red lightning fluttered across the surface beneath his peds. The crimson light flickered in his vision but he only felt the jolt in his spark that made his violent rage rise.

“WHAT THE FRAG?! I cannot believe this. Of course. Of course! No. They should have all been ground to ASH beneath my ped. HOW did this happen?! HOW?! I obtained the most powerful weapon on this planet and STILL they pull some miracle out of their afts to-to MOCK ME?! I AM GOING TO KILL ALL OF THEM.” He slammed a fist against the wall, then proceeded to shoot his plasma cannon rapidly; they only created a meager dent. 

He vented shakily before turning back to look at Spitfire and Aftermath, still lazily collapsed across the floor. With the Emberstone power released again shouldn’t they be getting off their afts by now? Perhaps they were still in stasis. He did suppose that the shard they carried sparked them, but surely they couldn’t be this reliant on a rock for the entirety of their function. The Terrans didn’t need pieces of the Emberstone to tramps around, so why should these two? They just needed energon. Or… whatever it was they ran on. Cave water…? Starscream recognized as his energy levels drifted down again, that the chaotic crimson lightning around them was retreating into the atmosphere and elsewhere in the Titan. Fuel would become a problem for all three of them if they didn’t find a way out of this. 

What were the other Decepticaons doing? Pit, what were the Autobots doing?

Why hadn’t anyone come for them? He shouldn't be foolish enough to think the cons would try and break him out of this, especially if they’re now being hunted by the bots again. But at least the Autobrats wouldn’t just leave them up here in limbo. They wouldn’t trust it. They knew he was going to get out of here without them right? The idiots. 

Then again, Starscream walked over to one of the Titan’s optic windows, apparently those Malto’s had created some sort of barrier around them and this part of the city. The scattered chaotic energy was made into some sort of odd weather pattern. Perhaps the bots thought this was enough. And he had seen a couple cons running around down there too. So the plan was to just leave them there. Of course.

He clasped his hands behind his back with a tense hold on his wrist to release some pressure within him. Then began to pace again in front of the window. Observing the happenings below, at some point he spotted Breakdown and Bumblebee conversing to some degree through the barrier. Then they started playing… card games? What idiots. Did they think they could have some sort of petty friendship through all this? They’re just a couple of low-grade fools down there. Laughing, having a bit of silly banter. Pathetic.

Starscream scoffed and commented through a sneer with a roll of his optics, “How quaint.”

Yet he watched. A part of him wishing he could join in. But that was too ridiculous of a feeling to indulge. 

The two rustbuckets eventually dispersed and he found himself searching the sky instead. Then he spotted two jets shooting through the air, dodging clouds and shooting upwards in an attempt to ram the force field. His spark skipped in his chassis and he flung himself up against the optic window.

“SKYWARP! THUND- er–” Starscream cleared his throat with an embarrassed laugh, “N-novastorm! Hey! Get your afts down here and help me! What are you doing up there!? You can’t just ram an energy barrier you fools– Hey hey WAIT!” He hit his fist against the window again as he yelled desperately in an effort to gain their attention, but they couldn’t hear him. 

They didn’t even look his way. Like he wasn’t even a second thought. After they gave up their useless ramming idea they just flew back down to ground level. Never hesitating and only voicing complaints to each other that he too couldn’t understand, although he could imagine.

Starscream’s wings tipped down in his own defeat. His expression was dismayed until the crimson lightning returned in a wave through the Titan and it twisted into a pained fury. Of course they don’t care.

“FINE! BE THAT WAY! SEE WHAT I CARE! I CAN GET OUT OF HERE WITHOUT YOU USELESS MECHS! See–” Starscream’s voice crackled a dangerous, humorless laugh– “THIS is exactly why you can’t count on anyone but yourself. THIS is why I never went out of my way to help those two. What have they ever done for me?! Whatever. They can get scrapped by those chaos clouds for all I care. Heheh… Oh you two understand don’t you?” He glanced back at the chaos Terrans as his eyes flickered between their blue and red. “Hm… I suppose we can’t have you rusting on the floor forever now can we.” 

The chaos lightning leaves Starscream’s optics again, the odd surges going unnoticed by the mech in question. He first hefted Aftermath into a makeshift chair with significant effort. The mech was far too bulky to be convenient if you asked him. Then he went to Spitfire to carefully lift her smaller frame from the floor and thoughtfully sit her up against Aftermath on a table of sorts around the dimly lit spark of the Titan. 

“Ugh, why must you two still be powered down? Even if you might not contribute much at all in getting us out of here, at least you could be more entertaining than this.” Starscream waved a hand judgmentally at them, and Spitfire had the gall to fall down face first from her position. “Oh don’t give me that sass Spitfire, I outrank you!” He scolded, to which she motionlessly mocked him. He gasped and put a hand to his chest dramatically, “How DARE you! It’s not MY fault– the-” Then Aftermath just stared at him with that stupid expression, and his head tilted to the side accusingly. “EXCUSE ME that you two had the last of the shards in you that I needed. You shouldn’t require those rocks to continue your function, and I don’t have them anymore anyway, the chaos energy exploded everywhere. So why has it not returned to you yet? That isn’t my doing! You just want to take your sweet time to spite me.” Starscream crossed his arms in a huff after having been animatedly waving them around. 

After perhaps waiting a moment for a response his ped started tapping, and he hummed. “Hmm… we really need to find some means of fuel in this dump. Perhaps that is all you scrap heaps need to get moving.” 

Starscream began wandering around the little room. Inspecting the streaks across the surfaces, the fact that the centerpiece topped with a glowing green orb was still lit, and the oddly organic flora sprouted around them. The light was clearly from the Titan’s dormant spark, and he doubted they could siphon power from it. The energon extractor spear likely wouldn’t work for that purpose, and he didn’t wish to test his luck and make the thing collapse with them in it. When Starscream reached out to touch the orange tinted bulb protruding from the tip of the flora, a flit of crimson static shocked him and he yelped as he flinched back. 

Well, obviously the chaos energy is power, and was the core of those chaos Terrans. So surely he just needed to gather more of it again. This he was sure the spear could accomplish. 

He retrieved the device from the table and stabbed it into the wall to pull out more of the escaped chaos energy from it. Then, pointed the spear at spitfire first, he always did like her better. He carefully operated it to release a stream of the gathered energy into the vacant spot left in her chassis. Lightning erupted across her frame and even leaked a bit into Aftermath as she leaned against him. But after her shaking subsided, and the energy depleted, she didn’t move any more than that. 

Disappointing. And infuriating. 

“AAAUGH! Why didn’t that work!?” Starscream’s hand holding the spear shook as the energy it loved was attracted to him, red flickering in his blue optics. He growled and pulled his free hand down his face, exasperated. Then threw the spear across the room, “Useless!” and stomped back over to the optic window.

As he looked down at the stupid landscape below, he spotted Bumblebee and… Trash and Mo? Trash was probably not the correct name but he didn’t care. It was funny. How did they get inside? Oh wouldn’t that make Breakdown happy, that the bug had known how to get inside yet never freed his supposed friend. 

Then they actually looked up at him. This made anger surge in his spark. He wasn’t some sort of sight to see in a museum! 

Starscream banged against the optic window and yelled, “You like what you see you slagging BRATS? Come up here and fight me cowards! This is all YOUR fault! You did this! Especially that little human and HER STUPID CYBER SLEEVE! The Emberstone should have never been discovered by you IDIOTS! Maybe none of this would have happened if you had kept your grimy little meat stumps out of where they DON’T BELONG!” His vents cycled rapidly as the red electricity surged through him, his vision now clouded in crimson. “You want to be little Primus damned HEROES but you are NOTHING but yet another threat to Cybertronian kind after the war! Mandroid huh? Guess what! He needed Quintus’ power for his death machine! We would not have needed saving if YOU didn’t exist!” 

Now he was caught between pacing and destroying any surface leading to outside. He wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore. Why he was saying it. The kids had helped Decepticons and him directly back then when they had never needed to. He wasn’t mad at them. He wasn’t. He hated G.H.O.S.T. He hated Megatron. He hated plenty of people. But how could he blame kids for any of this?

In this moment he fully felt again the power of the corrupted Emberstone stringing along his movements. His whole frame was shaking and his optics sparked violently as his weapons shot red plasma at the glass that was hardly fazed. 

Eventually the chaotic energy died down and Starscream fell to his knees in the carnage. He shuttered as his vision flickered back into the correct hues. He forcibly straightened the speed of his vents as he pulled himself off the floor to whip around and face the chaos Terrans with a wild grin plastered on his faceplate. 

“Oh I could never be mad about the existence of you two sweet sparks though right?!” Starscream’s optic twitched as his voice cracked. He strutted over to the two husks and bent down to put a hand around each of their shoulders. “We’re in this Pit together! It’ll be great! HAHA! YES!” He broke off again to grab the spear and prance around the room theatrically. “We will get out of here and show them all that we aren’t done yet, right guys?! Right! You agree with me Aftermath! Spitfire you know you still have to prove to that Twitch one you are superior, and we can’t do that from here! HAH! Well, maybe we could pretend–”

With a lack of books, it is a quite common thing in history to create stories orally, after all.

[taegimood]

— bestfriend!ot5’s reaction to you offering to help with their boner ♡

pairing: ot5 x fem!reader (separate) rating: nsfw, mdni wc: almost 3k oops 😭 warnings: some smut (oral obviously, m receiving), suggestiveness, perviness, pet names (babe, sweetheart, pretty girl), tiniest but brief bit of angst in tyun’s, some alcohol in jun’s, beomgyu being an annoying brat lmao

a/n - this took me forever to start (and to finish.. all in one sitting rip my eyeballs) but i loved writing this omg who wants a pt 2 follow-up 🫢

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yeonjun: this is the moment he’s been waiting for, y’all

it’s just like any other tipsy late-night shit-talk sesh on yeonjun’s living room floor, until it’s not. you’ve been lazily sitting against the foot of his couch facing each other while joking about beomgyu’s latest failure to get laid when somehow the conversation turns to your own personal sex lives. it’s not like you’ve never talked about that stuff with jun before; you’re best friends, after all. but something about tonight feels different. maybe it’s because you’ve been drinking, maybe it’s because the dim lighting of his living room is giving it a strangely sensual vibe, or maybe it’s the way he’s looking at you- facing you with his chin in his hand as his elbow rests up on the couch cushion, eyes more lidded than usual and sculpted collarbone peeking out from the sweater that at some point had slipped down his shoulder- but when the topic turns to your experiences with oral and he’s in the middle of complaining about how his last fling always gave him the worst head, what comes out of your mouth as you suddenly interrupt him is a shock to the both of you.

“i could do better.”

yeonjun’s eyebrows shoot up. the words had died on his lips. your own eyes are wide as you freeze, before fidgeting nervously, attempting damage control. “i mean.. from what i’ve been told. just saying.” you swallow hard as you inwardly kick yourself, avoiding his eyes and his silence as you bring the bottle of soju you’d been sharing to your lips in an attempt to feign casualty.

“is that an offer?”

it’s your turn to be speechless, nearly choking as you set the bottle down a little too hard, turning quickly to stare at him in shock; oh, he’s not joking. he watches you expectantly, a level expression on his face; though if you were to blink, you’d miss the smirk that his lips were threatening to inch up into. when your gaze flickers down to see the tent in his sweatpants that he hasn’t even bothered trying to cover, you swallow hard. the tiny crush you’ve always harbored for your best friend suddenly seems not so unreciprocated after all. you collect yourself. you’ve gotta be cool about this.

“well… do you want it to be?”

your best friend’s hands wrapped in your hair and his shameless moans filling the room as he pumps his cock in and out of your throat isn’t exactly how you imagined the night to go, but here you are! you can already tell from the lewd promises and filthy praises that he’s groaning out as you swallow around him — your legs will definitely be sore in the morning. <3

soobin: soobin.exe has stopped working

he didn’t mean for you to see, he really didn’t. you weren’t supposed to be home for another 15 minutes; what else was he supposed to do when it’s the first time all week that his hermit of a roommate has finally left their shared apartment and he hasn’t been able to comfortably get himself off since last weekend?

your convenience store run ended in disappointment as the tuna gimbap roll you were craving turned up empty on the shelves. with a grumble you had just grabbed the nearest container of ramen and a snack for soobin before trekking back to your apartment sooner than hoped for (by either party..), not in the mood to sit there and eat as you’d originally planned; but unbeknownst to you, soobin hadn’t heard you arrive back home, and also unbeknownst to you, he was stuck in a very… compromising position.

“soob, they didn’t have the- oh, fuck.”

rounding the corner into the living room to see your best friend seated on the couch with his sweatpants shoved down around his hips and his head thrown back as his hand fists up and down his very hard - very big cock - was definitely not on your daily bingo card. (or your lifetime one either, to be quite frank.) at the sound of your voice he’s acting faster than you’ve ever seen him move, a pillow shoved over his lap and his large figure smushed back into the couch cushions so quick that you question whether you even saw his cock at all, or if it was just your mind playing tricks on you. you decide that it wasn’t the latter, however, at the sight of his bright red face and quick, heavy breaths- a deer in headlights as his mouth opens and closes for a few moments, trying to find the words to speak.

you’re in the same boat — what are you supposed to say? hey, sorry that i caught you trying to get yourself off in our shared space that i also own which you’re very much aware of? and by the way your cock is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen and i want it in my-

wait, what? you don’t even have time to process the sudden warmth between your thighs as soobin finally finds his words. well, kind of. “i-i’m so sorry, i swear i didn’t- i was just trying to- i thought you’d still be a while, i- it’s been so long since i-“ he cut himself off at the last part, an even deeper blush coming over his cheeks at his accidental admission. wonderful, now she’s gonna think i’m some sort of incel. but the last thing that either of you ever expects is happening as you step forward carefully, approaching his shocked form on the couch before stopping to maintain some distance.

“soob.. do you want help?”

let’s just say that his best friend slotted between his thighs as she bobs her head up and down his fat cock with eager moans and a mix of spit and pre-cum lewdly dribbling down her chin wasn’t exactly on soobin’s bingo card, either. but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t pay you back for it right after. <3

beomgyu: *laughs in your face* 👁️👄👁️ switch-up

um, did he hear that right?? it was an innocent instance of you utterly roasting each other into the grave with bullying remarks, just another tuesday for the pair of you- you’re just sitting on your bed in your usual criss-cross legged gossip-time position when beomgyu apparently decides that he’s bored laughing at something soobin did and chooses you as the better candidate to laugh at instead. the plushie of yours that he’d had resting in his lap is now a method of defense as you attempt to thwap him over the head with your own plushie, yelling at him to “take it back!” as he cackles mercilessly after claiming “at least soobin can get bitches if he stops being shy enough, you’re just an all-around lost cause.”

“you don’t even know what you’re talking about!!!” you whine as you finally manage to knock him onto his back, going in for the kill as your leg swings over one of his, your plushie smushing down into his face as his now-muffled giggles still ring out annoying as ever. “i get bitches too!” you defend yourself, although even your own words immediately cause you to cringe; damn, you really do sound like a loser, huh? but your momentary lapse of attention has beomgyu knocking your plushie away, laughing even louder as he responds “that is EXACTLY what someone who can’t get bitches would say.” you groan and smack his chest, rolling your eyes as he cradles himself dramatically. “you’re literally wrong. i’ve dated before! like once. and there was that other guy from the smoothie place last year.. we, like, hung out a few times.” but you’re mumbling now, pathetic to your own ears as beomgyu’s shit-eating grin grows with each word.

“you’re kinda proving my point, here, babe.” you shiver at the pet name, however condescending his tone may be. god, how is he still so attractive even when you want to strangle the fuck out of him? “you’re so cocky,” you complain with another roll of your eyes, an attempt to both distract yourself from beomgyu and distract beomgyu from the humiliating topic. he sits up to lean back on his hands as it’s clear you’re finished with your little murder attempt. “yeah, cuz of my monster cock.. that can get bitches.”

that’s it. the sudden urge to prove yourself to him overtakes you as you snap back, “i bet your ‘monster cock’ has never even seen head as good as what i can give.” another laugh— until he realizes you’re serious. the smile falls right off of his face. you don’t miss the way his fists clench around the blanket he’s leaning back on; or the slight strain in his voice as he answers, voice suddenly low and almost breathless- “yeah?”

you were right; beomgyu’s cock has never gotten head as good as what you’re giving him right now as your throat bottoms out with a filthy gag, no hesitation when you lift off with a pop before sucking on him hard enough to send his head reeling. you know what.. maybe beomgyu wouldn’t mind being proved wrong more often after all. but of course, he has to prove himself to you now, too. <3

taehyun: “if… you want to” he definitely wants to

taehyun was stressed. that was clear to anybody; the recent storm closing the businesses down for the week, including the local gym, and his own job that he of course relied on to pay rent. you had been over at his apartment when the weather took a turn for the worse; so now here you were, snowed in with no where to go, forced to work from taehyun’s computer, eat his food, and wear his clothes. (the latter of which neither of you would admit to being turned on by. …….yet.) taehyun was doing his best to work out from home with what little equipment he had, although he wasn’t able to do much, which frustrated him to no end — not as much because he was a gym rat, but more because it was his primary stress reliever. so today it doesn’t help, of course, that his pretty best friend is currently sat at his desk in one of his baggy sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants that she had to roll 6 times to fit her little legs.

he didn’t mean to snap at you. when you accidentally knocked his extra monitor off the desk and onto the floor, cracking the screen, it was just because you turned around too fast— you were excited to see him :(— but it’s the last straw of the day for taehyun. he can’t work out properly, his job isn’t paying him during the off-time, he’s had a constant boner from you hanging around in his clothes all week, and now- now he’ll need to go get his stupid monitor fixed once the weather clears up. “shit, tae, i’m so sorry-“

“god, why are you so fucking clumsy, y/n?”

the silence causes instant realization as his eyes snap up to meet your wide, now-watery ones. “i’m.. i’m sorry..” you whisper, and immediately he wants to punch himself. “fuck,” he groans as he shakes his head, coming to kneel down in front of the chair you were still sitting in. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to snap at you like that. you’re not clumsy. i know it was an accident, please don’t cry.. i’ll pay for the monitor. it wasn’t your fault.” he’s murmuring while he soothes his hand up and down your arm. you’re shaking your head as you wipe at your eyes. “no, no, it’s okay; i know you didn’t mean to snap. i’m still sorry though. let me help pay for it…. i know you’ve been stressed, tyunnie.” you say the last part quieter, gentler as you meet his eyes. he hates that his cock twitches in his pants at something so innocent; but what you say next makes him feel much better about his own perverted thoughts.

you’re nervous about your next words. you really hope you’ve been reading the room right this last week. “let me help you..?”

his eyes widen, before he quickly recovers in an attempt to keep a level expression. “help.. me?” do you mean what he thinks you mean??? “the weather still sucks. there’s not much you can do, sweetheart.” he chuckles, testing the waters with a pet name as he studies your face carefully for a reaction. his eyes flicker down and quickly back up when your thighs squeeze together marginally in response. a-ha. “no, tyun… let me help you here.” you whisper with a soft, testing touch to the band of his sweatpants. oh, so you definitely mean what he thinks you mean.

who really needs the gym or your own closet after all, when you look so pretty on your knees for him with his cock down your throat as he calls you his pretty girl and promises to fuck you so good later just like you deserve? not the two of you, apparently. <3

huening kai: *spits out his drink* coughing fit

kai wasn’t kidding when he told you that he might be too busy to hang out if you came over, although this wasn’t exactly what you’d had in mind. when you headed over to his apartment you figured he was caught up studying for some big exam or something of the like; what you didn’t think you’d find was him yelling into his headset at beomgyu as his fingers flew over the buttons of his controller, leaning forward in his seat with crazy eyes and 3 open cans of energy drinks next to the screen. you sigh. “kai, really? this is what you meant by ‘too busy’..?” he jumps slightly at the sudden sound of your voice in his room, but doesn’t turn around. “y/n! yeah, sorry- i’m just in the middle of- FUCKING MOVE, BEOMGYU! of a tournament right now, been trying to rank up for hours- BEOMGYU!!!”

you wince at the intermittent screaming, plopping down on his bed to watch as you hear gyu’s protests of self-defense piercing through your best friend’s headset. “i think you’ll need a hearing aid after this..” you mumble, receiving no response as expected. however, you get bored after scrolling through your phone for a while, sulking shamelessly at the lack of attention you were receiving ��� although you were warned that if you came over he might not have any to give. you sigh, but you understand; these tournaments are important to hyuka, even if you couldn’t care less about them yourself. don’t get me wrong, you love gaming too, especially with your friends— especially with kai — but you weren’t exactly as obsessed as they were when it came to being the biggest legend in this group of - you squint - 100 players that this world has ever seen.

selfishly, you had almost even hoped for more from this evening… you’ve been trying to drop hints lately at your feelings for kai, although your level of success was yet to be determined. this would be the first instance all week that you’d have some alone time together; despite his claim to busyness, you still figured you’d try your luck by coming over. you eye the 3 energy drinks and his bouncing legs with a chuckle. what are my options here? hmm.. you’d worn some particularly short shorts tonight, knowing he’d definitely notice the plushness of your thighs.. experimentally, you stand up and approach his desk, standing next to it so he’d be able to see you if he shifted his eyes to the right. “hyuka, want me to get you some water? i don’t think you need any more of these.” you fiddle with one of the cans on his desk. he hums distractedly in response; you can tell he hadn’t heard what you said. “hyuka..” this time you reach out to card your fingers through his hair, effectively causing his fixed stare to snap briefly over to you in surprise; ‘briefly’ turning into a momentary distraction as his gaze catches onto your shorts, flitting back and forth between the screen and your soft thighs. “h-huh?”

“some water?” you repeat innocently. “o-oh, uh, yeah..”

when you come back, to say you’re shocked is an understatement as the bulge in his shorts has seemingly popped up out of no where, and the bright pink blush on his cheeks tells you he knows it, too. you don’t realize you’re standing there staring at it with the glass of water still in your hand until kai quickly mutes his mic, eyes still glued to the screen as he groans “i’m so sorry y/n, please don’t think i’m gross, i- i had no time to grab a pillow, we’re in the middle of a battle and my score is-“ wordlessly, you’re sinking to your knees and situating yourself beneath the desk. his bouncing legs freeze. “what- fuck, w-what are you-“

“can i help you? you can keep playing your game,” you ask sweetly. the sight of your innocent eyes blinking up at him nearly has him cumming in his shorts then and there as he breathes out, “fuck- are you sure?”

you definitely show him how sure you are as you worship his cock with your throat, all sloppy and wet, making sure his mic stays muted so beomgyu can’t hear the way you’re making him whine and moan as he bucks his hips up into your mouth the best he can. now just wait until his tournament is over and he has you all to himself. <3

[loui3e]

Knuckle Velvet

And every drop of blood is love I don’t get back’

Old man!Logan Howlett x Reader

Summary: A night of cleaning bloody wounds leads to a lovely confession.

A/n: Can you tell I love old man Logan? And Ethel Cain? Lmao. Has been proofread.

Warnings: Some angst with comfort.

Words: 684

Logan had nowhere to go, battered and bloodied he limbed his way up your porch. His bruised knuckles hesitating at your front door. 

“Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” 

Your words ring out in his mind, echoing hopelessly. As he finally bangs on the door, he hopes to god he didn’t take your statement too literally. 

“Christ what on earth.” You grumble out as you open the door, anger bubbling in your gut at the sudden disturbance to your sleep so late at night. You choke on your words though once you see the man before you; eyes widening with distress at the sight, jaw agape.

Logan stands in-front of you, four clean bullet holes in his white tank; now painted red. Blood oozes down his front and onto the wooden planks. 

“Sorry sweetheart, just didn’t know where to go.” Logan grunts out through gritted teeth, his hands clenching and unclench at his sides with each dull throb of pain.

“Oh my god.” You speak as your hand reaches out to fall on his shoulder trying to hold up his burly frame. Your eyes drag down to your soaked porch boards.

“Shit I’m sorry doll.” 

“It’s, fine, it is, they needed re-stained anyway.” You speak nearly incoherently, as your brain works at pace through your next actions. “Quickly inside.”

Logan’s taken aback by your generosity, he wasn’t exactly expecting a warm welcome; you’d probably shun him off your porch but instead you let him lean his weight on you. Hand firmly planted on his chest as you help him inside and onto your couch. 

“Off now.” You command rigidly, making a gesture towards his tank. You sound rough but Logan knows you well enough to know you’re only putting up a front to hide your anxiety; especially as you make off towards the bathroom for supplies whilst biting your nails. 

Rushing back with an arm full of medical supplies, Logan chuckles dryly at you. “Sure you’re not performing surgery on me?” 

“Don’t laugh.” You groan, unimpressed at his humour at this time. 

Logan spreads his legs wider for you so you fit neatly between; able to study the extent of his wounds easier. “Darlin’ don’t frown like that, you’re gonna get wrinkles,” he says trying to ease your mind; swiping a thumb over your brows. 

“You’re hurt though.” 

“I’m fine just needa’ get these bullets out first,” he speaks before standing up promptly; shifting you out of the way with a gentle shove to your hip.

“Logan, wait Logan I gotta check.” You chase after him but are instead greeted with the bathroom door flush with your face. “Damnit.” You whine, slipping down the back of the door until you sat down against it.

Soon the sound of painful groans hit your ears followed with the an unmistakable tink. Jarring up suddenly to your feet as the door swings open. “Now you can check.” 

With a wet cloth you clean blood from his wounds, then with some rubbing alcohol; you wince at each sharp intake of breath Logan makes as his wounds sting. 

As you sit kneel between his legs after finishing the bandaging you lay your head on his thigh with an exhausted sigh. Soon you feel a familiar hand running its fingers through your tousled hair.

“Sorry for worrying you.” Logan speaks earnestly, but you shake your head in response. 

“No don’t be, I’m just glad you came to me.” 

Logan’s shocked but not only your generosity, but your words. A pang settles within his heart at that, you wanted him no matter what condition he turned up in. Blood or cleanliness you’d be waiting with bandages or kisses. 

He runs his knuckles across your cheek, you lean into his gentleness; kissing each of his knuckles with care then his freshly wrapped wounds. As you do so you swear you hear a mumbled; “love you.” It’s hushed by your lips to his. 

You’ll bring him to bed that night and in the morning he’s on your porch with a bucket of stain in one hand and a brush in the other.

[pricelessemotion]

Never really over | S.H.

summary: [4.2k] you and steve fall apart, then fall back together.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

warnings: so much angst, best friends to exes to lovers, language, gratuitous taylor swift references

a/n: exes to lovers is one of my fave tropes so i hope i did it justice! reader is vaguely asian-coded by accident (though there shouldn’t be any direct references to r's appearance!) lmao happy AAPI heritage month to all my fellow asians

masterlist

The day after your breakup, Steve shows up at your house with a bag of takeout and a six-pack. He kicks off his shoes at the front door while you’re in the kitchen, already grabbing napkins and chopsticks. The light on the floral rice cooker on the counter just turned from cooking to keep warm. Steve is nothing, if not right on time. 

To most people, the situation would seem peculiar. But you and Steve were best friends before your break up and you had promised that you would stay best friends after it. 

You settle in on opposite sides of the worn-down loveseat, a rerun of Golden Girls playing on the television. You’re just about to ask him if he remembered to get extra sauce for the chow mein when Steve, seemingly anticipating your question, silently hands you a small cylindrical container. 

The night goes on as it usually would, with Steve lamenting Keith’s tyranny and Dustin’s antics. He helps you clean up when you’re done, scooping the leftover rice into a Tupperware container saying I gotta get myself one of these, it’s so convenient! He even does the dishes, washing while you dry, never commenting on the fact that you have a perfectly good dishwasher that you never use. 

Once he’s standing in the entryway, shoes back on and keys in hand, he instinctively leans in for a chaste kiss goodbye. 

You flinch, turning your cheek at the last second. The moment becomes a sobering reminder as to why you decided to break up in the first place. Instinct over time starts to feel like routine. Routine over time starts to feel like a chore. Another thing that you have to cross off your to-do list.

For a while, it was grounding. It felt good to be normal. Normal felt like warmth, like coming in out of the freezing cold and cozying up next to a blazing fire. But you knew from experience that the cold always comes back. As the days drew darker, the once roaring hearth settled into a pile of ashes. Being grounded can feel like being tied down. It’s only natural to want to break free. 

You didn’t realize freedom would feel like this. 

“Right.” Steve huffs out awkwardly, swinging his car keys around his index finger. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He shuffles out the door while you offer a weak goodbye. You know you’re letting the cold in by watching him as he gets into his car. You do it anyway. 

–

Steve and Dustin have taken to visiting you while you’re on shift at the coffee shop. You’re not sure why. The arcade next door seems much more fitted to their shared interests, but they still come and visit you all the same. Usually, when you come upon them, they’re standing on the other side of the till having a whispered conversation that dies the moment they notice you’re there. 

“A latte for me, and hot cocoa for the kid.” Steve says, ruffling the younger boy's hair. 

“I’m fourteen!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Maturity. Did you want a coffee? I’m sure our girl over here has some great recommendations.” 

Dustin only grumbles in response, muttering insults under his breath. Steve refuses your offer to comp their drinks, paying and dropping his change in the tip jar.  

You set both drinks down on the counter when they’re done. One is a simple steaming cup. The other is piled high with whipped cream and sprinkles, decorated with a tiny plastic snowman left over from the holidays. 

“Thank you,” Steve says, leaning against the counter. “Y’know, you’re my most favorite barista in the whole world.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only barista you know, but you’re welcome.” 

“So, would you be interested in movie night tomorrow?” 

“Wow, let me think.” You feign contemplation, sarcasm dripping from every word. “I’ll have to check my schedule. I have a meeting with some venture capitalists but I might be able to squeeze you in.”

“It’s a date.” 

“So… you guys are back together?” Dustin darts a confused glance between the both of you, his irises going back and forth as if watching a ping-pong match. 

“No!” You and Steve both blurt out at the same time. Then you both take a moment to look at each other as if to say, I know why I said no but why are you saying no? 

Is it really over?

Dustin, as observant and tactless as ever, gives off a little shrug. You mutter something about needing to go to the back to do inventory. As you’re walking away, you hear Steve say something that sounds a lot like Nice going, doofus!

–

Dustin answers the door when you ring the bell. Steve’s house has the usual suspects for movie night. Max and El are cuddled up together on the floor, practically laying on top of each other. Robin and Nancy are on the loveseat to the left, so wrapped up in each other that they barely even register your arrival. You presume that the sounds coming from the kitchen are Mike, Will, and Lucas, no doubt making one too many bowls of popcorn in the microwave.  

Steve is sitting, his arm draped over the back of the couch. Before, there would’ve been no questions as to where you would sit. The empty couch cushion practically had your name on it. You would’ve already bounded across the room and snuggled up to the boy that felt like home. 

You search the room for another option, but come up empty. Unless you want to pointedly avoid sitting next to him by crashing on the floor with the kids, which would undoubtedly draw attention to the very thing you want to ignore. 

Taking a seat next to Steve, you toe the line between platonic distance and romantic distance.

“What’s on tonight?” You ask no one in particular. 

“The Princess Bride.” Lucas replies, coming from the kitchen with a bowl of fresh popcorn. 

He barely gets a chance to put it down before the three other boys tumble onto the floor and begin shoveling the savory snack into their mouths. Max and El whine about their lack of civility, yelling at them for having spilled popcorn on the floor before the movie has even started.

“Ah, that’s my favorite!” 

“I know.” Steve finally speaks up beside you. 

“We’ve only seen it like a million times.” Max says, rolling her eyes and resting her head on El’s shoulder. 

“Hey! Little shits who eat my food and use me as a taxi service don’t get to complain about my movie choices.”

“Whatever, Steve.” The redhead remarks, with an unmistakable fondness in her voice. 

You settle into your seat. The January cold has seeped into the house and, despite the heating being on full blast, you’re freezing. Steve notices, tugging the comforter in his lap over your frame, enveloping you in a warmth you didn’t realize you missed so much. You murmur a quiet thank you that you’re almost sure goes unheard until he turns, giving you a small smile before returning his attention to the screen. 

In order to properly share the blanket, you have to scoot in even closer. You tell yourself that it’s a perfectly reasonable platonic distance, that you used to do this all the time before you were dating. If Steve is experiencing even a fraction of your inner turmoil, he doesn’t show it. He just keeps looking ahead, paying far too much attention to the film. The palm that would usually come to rest upon your shoulder stays gripping the back of the couch. 

Sometime after Buttercup and Wesley enter the forbidden forest, you fall asleep.

It’s hard to make out anything through the dense fog. The trees around you loom large, foliage so lush and thick that it blocks out the sky, making it unclear if it’s day or night. The only light source comes from an oil lamp. 

The lamp casts a shadow over the face of the person holding it, emphasizing his strong brow and straight nose. You go to move toward Steve, but you can’t. You’re stuck. Ankle deep in sand, coarse and with the consistency of molasses, that slowly creeps up higher and higher. It takes you a moment to realize; the sand isn’t getting higher, you’re getting lower. 

You’re sinking. 

Desperately, you begin grasping at anything and everything that might get you out. It’s futile. The more you move, the further you fall. You’re waist-deep now. Steve is still standing there, stone-faced, oil lamp flickering. He turns, walking into the fog and taking the light with him. 

You open your mouth, wanting to scream. Needing to scream. But only one word echoes throughout. It does nothing to stop Steve’s retreating figure. 

Stay. 

“Hey,” Steve is tugging on the sleeve of your sweater. “Wake up.” 

The fog dissipates. Feeling slowly returns to your limbs. The first thing you realize is that you fell asleep on Steve’s shoulder. The second thing you realize is that, due to your impromptu nap, the distance between the two of you is practically nonexistent. You recoil, sliding yourself as far away from him as you can. Steve flinches at the sudden movement. 

“Are you okay?” His voice is soft and comforting, like a childhood blanket that you can’t sleep without. “It seemed like you were having a bad dream.”

You blink your eyes furiously, trying to shake the sinking feeling that has settled deep into your stomach. 

“Where is everyone?” You ask, avoiding his question. The once lively living room is now empty. Remnants of movie night surround you in the form of stray pieces of popcorn and a nearly empty tub of Red Vines. 

“They all went home about twenty minutes ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You seemed so comfortable. I didn’t wanna wake you.” He shrugs, saying the next words gently. “Are you having nightmares again?” 

Before, you would tell him yes. You always talked to Steve about your nightmares. Most of the time he was there to witness them firsthand, waking up to your shouting and thrashing. Some nights, he would be able to coax you back to sleep with soothing words and tender touches. Other nights, he would stay up with you for hours, talking about nothing. The next day, the deep bags etched under his eyes would serve as another reminder of just how tiring you could be.

“I’m fine.” You wipe the corner of your mouth, cringing at the slight dampness you find there. Great. Not only did you fall asleep on Steve but you also drooled on him. “I think it’s time for me to head out.”

Leaping from the couch, you get to the foyer in record time. Your shoes are already halfway on before Steve appears, standing in between you and the door. 

“You don’t have to. You know the guest room is always made up for you if you want it.” He bargains. 

“I— I have to go. I’m sorry. Goodnight Steve.” 

“Please, you’re tired. At least let me drive you.” He’s practically pleading, already moving to grab his car keys.  

“Just let me go, Steve!” Your outburst echoes throughout the empty house. 

Steve takes a step back away from you. “I’m sorry.”

Regret washes over you like a tidal wave. You can feel yourself being ripped under the current. You curse yourself, not for drowning, but for dragging Steve down with you. 

“No, don’t apologize. Fuck, I’m sorry. I just—” 

“Have to go?” He supplies. 

He sounds dejected like this is another battle with you that he’s already resigned himself to losing. You fumble through another apology, another goodbye.

You don’t dare to look behind you as you make your way to your car. It isn’t until you’re halfway down your street that you spare a glance at your rear-view mirror. Steve is still standing there, the door wide open. 

You don’t know why you keep having dreams where you ask Steve to stay. 

You’re the one who is always leaving. 

—

“She was totally flirting with you!” You scream whisper, keeping in mind that the diner is mostly empty aside from the loyal patrons that come in every weekday for a hearty serving of beef and potatoes.

Steve showed up to the coffee shop today, sans Dustin, asking if you’d like to grab a bite to eat after your shift. You obliged, hoping to make up for your outburst from the other night. He still hasn’t mentioned it. For your sake, you hope that he won’t.

“No, she wasn’t.” You thought Steve’s obliviousness when it came to romance only extended to you. Apparently, you were wrong because he was completely ignoring the way that the waitress was batting her eyelashes at him.

“Yes, she was!” You take a fry from the basket and Steve pushes his strawberry milkshake toward you, already knowing that you were going to subject him to the gross combination and he might as well get it over with. “Y’know, if you wanted to ask her out you could. Don’t let me hold you back.”

“You’re not holding me back. Anyways, isn’t it weird, having your ex-girlfriend be your wingman?”

“I’m still your best friend. Besides, you totally helped me out with Brandon so I just thought I’d return the favor.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asks, causing you to furrow your brow at him. Despite having loved him for a long time and having known him for even longer, his inability to read a room knows no bounds. 

“Last week at Family Video?” You utter the words with slow precision, but recognition fails to make its way across Steve’s face. “Brandon Clayborn asked you for horror movie recommendations and you sent him to me.”

“And he asked you out?” Steve gapes at you from over the rim of his milkshake. The idea of grabbing the glass and slogging the pink confection at him crosses your mind, but instead, you clench your fists at your side. 

“Is that so unbelievable?” At your response, Steve’s brows pinch together. He toys with the wrapping paper of his straw, folding it over and over again. 

“And what did you say?”

“I said yes.”

“Oh.” Steve finally stops fiddling with the piece of paper. It’s shredded to pieces in a pile in front of him. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the bulging leather wallet. “I’ll be right back.” 

With that, Steve slides out of the booth and walks up to the counter. The giggles of the waitress can be heard throughout the diner. You turn toward the window so that you don’t have to see her scrawl her number on the receipt, and you catch your muddled reflection. You don’t know if you look like you’ve seen a ghost or if you’ve become one. 

–

Due to unforeseen circumstances, your second date with Brandon had to be rescheduled. A literal rain check. He’d sputtered out numerous apologies over the crackling phone line, saying how the picnic he had planned didn’t account for a torrential downpour. You promised him that it was fine, that you didn’t even wanna leave the house in this weather. You didn’t think anyone would want to leave the house in this weather, which is why you grew shocked at the sound of the doorbell ringing. 

Then you promptly remember that this is Hawkins and that anyone or anything could be behind that door. Grabbing the old wooden bat you keep under the couch for emergencies, you inch toward the door. The frantic ringing of the bell matches the beat of your heart. Peering through the peephole, you sigh in both relief and frustration before flinging the door open.

“Are you insane?!” You practically scream at the soaking wet boy. “You scared the shit outta me.”

Steve stands in the threshold, shaking his head like a dog would to get all the water out. You flinch as the droplets inevitably fall on you. The fine mist and wind that he’s brought in with him chill you to the bone. 

“Sorry.” He smiles sheepishly.

“How did you even manage to get this wet in the twenty feet from the street to the porch?” You ask, peering behind him to look for the familiar maroon vehicle. It isn’t there. 

“I walked here.”

You balk at him. Sure, Steve has been known to act recklessly from time to time, but never without reason. Instead of taking the time to berate him for being so stupid, you take one look at the soggy shivering boy and shut the door, turning on your heel towards your bedroom. You don’t need to look behind you to know that he’s following you. 

“C’mon, you’re gonna catch a cold if you stay in those wet clothes.”

You rummage through your drawers, managing to find a t-shirt and sweatpants that you had stolen from him long ago. Now is as good a time as any to give it back, right? Stuffing the items in your arm, you thrust them into Steve’s hands and direct him to the bathroom. He doesn’t need direction. He knows the floorplan of your house just like he knows you–all too well.

While Steve is in the bathroom, you go to shut the drawers that you had left open in the rush to find him something to wear. The bottom drawer has always had a problem, getting stuck at the most inopportune moments. Lifting it just a little, you slam the drawer back into place which causes the contents on top of your dresser to shake with the force. The silver picture frame falls on its face and you go to place it right side up. 

It’s a photograph of the two of you from last summer. Robin had pointed the camera at you and at the very last second Steve grabbed you and placed a sloppy kiss on your cheek, causing you to squeal in delight. The memory stings. You almost want to put it face down again so that you don’t have to be reminded of what once was. Instead, you’re interrupted by the sound of a lock turning and quiet footfalls on carpeted floors. 

The moment Steve steps into your bedroom, you’re drenched in nostalgia. It’s been months since you’ve seen him like this–standing in his pajamas in your bedroom. It’s moments like this that are the hardest. The ones where you can feel how everything and nothing has changed. It feels like relief and restriction. 

You realize you’re still standing in front of the dresser and go to sit on your bed. You need to put space between you and Steve. He has this insane gravitational pull and you know that if you stay around him like this for too long, you’ll end up back in his orbit.  

He steps cautiously around the room like he’s afraid of stepping on a landmine. One wrong move and everything could blow up. Standing in front of the dresser, he takes the dreaded picture frame into his hands. He’s still using a towel to dry his hair when he finally speaks. 

“It’s a good picture.” He says, simply. The pads of his thumbs wipe away the layer of dust that coats your sunbleached faces. 

“It is.” You manage to choke out. “Why are you here, Steve?”

He places the picture frame back down on the dresser. It’s perfectly angled towards you. The ghost of your smiling face taunting you in your own bedroom. 

“It’s funny, y’know?” Steve lets out a mirthless laugh.  

“What is?”

“We broke up and the only person I wanna talk about it with is you.”

All of the air has been sucked out of the room. Steve has always been good at taking your breath away. 

“I mean, I get it. I get why we broke up. I do.” He lets out a deep breath before continuing on, not giving you a chance to interrupt. “Except, I don’t. I can’t wrap my head around how one day we were fine and the next day we weren’t. I know that I’m not good enough for you–I’ve always known that. I guess I just wanna know when you finally figured it out.”

His words make you ache. A tightness blooms in your chest and spreads all the way down your arms to your trembling fingertips. You want so badly to reach out to him. He’s on the other side of the room but he might as well be on the other side of the world. You don’t know how to bridge the ravine that you’ve put between the two of you. You know for him you’d make the leap, uncaring of the abyss below. The thought scares you so much that your fists tangle in your bedsheets, hoping for something to keep you from falling back in.   

“The last thing I wanted was for you to feel like you weren’t good enough for me. You’ve always been good enough, Steve.”  

You can tell from the shake of his head that he doesn’t believe you. 

“I thought that maybe you just needed a little space, a little time. Then I have to watch you go on dates and move on like it’s easy. Like the fact that we’re not together anymore doesn’t eat you up inside.”

“It’s not easy! It’s killing me!” Tears collect in your eyes, blurring your vision. “I don’t know why I can’t just be happy with you. I want to be happy with you.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Steve begs, his question punctuated by a boom of thunder and a flash of lightning. 

You found solace in the eye of the storm. Once the storm passed, you didn’t know what to do with the wreckage. Calm didn’t provide comfort. Instead, it only reminded you that there was likely another storm to come. Steve has always been better at picking up the pieces and patching things up. You didn’t want to become just another thing he had to fix. So, you pushed him away. 

He still came back.

This time he brought the storm with him. 

“I’m afraid that the minute I actually enjoy everything, it’ll all get taken away from me.” You confess, roughly wiping away your tears. 

Steve crosses the room and kneels in front of you. His hair is still slightly damp, a stray strand hanging in front of his forehead. You brush it out of the way and he catches your wrist, placing a kiss in the palm of your hand. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He murmurs, lips still brushing your skin. He says it like a promise. You wish the words were tangible, that you could close your fist around them and hold them close. “Tell me what I can do to fix it.”

The words simultaneously endear and exasperate you. Here is this boy who loves you, sitting in front of you telling you to let him love you. Here you are, about to tell him that he can’t. 

“What if you can’t fix it, Steve? What if I’m unfixable?”

He doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he takes both of your hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles. 

“Then I’ll still love you anyway.” 

Steve looks up and the clouds part. You’ve been so caught up in your doom and gloom, that you’d forgotten what it felt like to see the light of day. You lean down, closing your eyes, pressing your forehead to his. 

“Why?” The question comes out watery and wanting. 

“I can’t help it.” He breathes out. 

You understand the feeling. 

You bridge the gap, uncaring of the abyss that lies below. You’d fall through eternity if it meant you got to do it with him. His lips feel exactly like you remember them–like home. He kisses soft and slow, hands anchored at your hips as if to prevent you from floating away. When you break apart, both of you gasping for air, there’s uncertainty in his eyes. It fades away as soon as you lean back on the bed, pulling at his sleeves and dragging him with you. 

The night is composed of soft apologies and even softer sighs, accompanied by the din of rain against the roof. It isn’t until far into the night that the storm finally subsides, leaving the pavement to glow in the morning sun. 

Waking up next to Steve is a revelation. You don’t know how you ever survived without it. He’s all sleepy smiles and tired eyes, drowsily pulling you closer to him. Resting your head on his chest, you’re soothed by the rhythmic thump of his beating heart.   

“Y’know, you didn’t have to walk in the rain just to say that you wanna get back together. You’re so dramatic.” You joke, hoping that it isn’t too soon to start poking fun. 

His chest rumbles with laughter, the reverberations quelling your fears.

“In my defense, it wasn’t raining when I started walking.” He says, voice still thick with sleep. “Besides, you love it.”

You smile contentedly to yourself, not offering up a response besides a hum of agreement. He’s right. You do love him. Rain or shine.

likes are appreciated, comments and reblogs are cherished ♥️

[ladygoth]

Gotta keep this short n quick im sorry needa rush to somewhere

Simon makes her jealous in some kinda way, and she feels jealous at first, but then her insecurities get the best of her and Simon not saying i love you to her sends her to the past.

I don’t know how was this lol but anything angsty would be cooollll love youuu

if you think i've deleted this i havent i was just wondering what would be the proper plot lmao. thank you for this ask

♱⋆♱ ᴡɪᴄᴋᴇᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇꜱ ♱⋆♱

mdni very 18+ angst, insecure!reader, annoying!ghost, make-up/surprise sex, oral!femreceiving, rough sex and daddy kink

simon ghost riley.

summary - ghost makes you feel insecure about your relationship with him but he makes it up to you in the end.

specifically influenced by the weeknd - wicked games.

You thought that you guys were past this, the petty moments and disputes, but you had an idea that there’d be a time where Ghost would want to mentally stab back, have you jealous with the way you had him jealous, specifically with Mike.

Though did he have to do it when things were getting better between the both of you?

Did he have to flirt in front of you? With a waitress in the restaurant, he took you out in? Between the both of you, you had always imagined Ghost to be the more mature and cultivated individual, but you been aware that life was always full with surprises.

During the drive back to the apartment building, you had been silent, arms crossed and leaning opposite away from him while he tried to lay his hand against your thigh, he did speak about how pretty you looked, how the dress you wore was so appealing on you and he couldn’t wait to take it off you, but your lack of response had him aware that you had been put off.

“Baby?” He called, his tone light but curious and you had wondered if he had pretended to act stupid, to hear from you why you had been upset. “What’s wrong?”

Unresponsive, you had looked down at your knees, worried that if you had uttered a word you’d tremble into tears.

“Doll?” He called, “if you’re upset, I’d like for you to communicate.” He said and nervous, you had licked your lower lips. “Things just started to get good again luvie.”

“Why did you have to flirt with her?” You asked.

“I wasn’t flirting with her, was jus’ being kind,” he shrugged and dissatisfied you had furrowed your eyebrows, your face screwed and cattish. Aware of the malevolent look on your face, he had softly sighed. “She complimented me and I complimented her back, nothing to over-think about.”

Jaw clenched, you had looked through the glass window, focusing on the night lights that his car had driven pass by. “Baby,” he muttered and with a catty spirit you had picked up your phone and scrolled through the endless social media algorithm you had found yourself in. “We need to speak to each other---”

“Well, I don’t want to, just drive back home,” you muttered and defeated Ghost had remained reticent as he resumed driving back to the apartment building. Once the both of you had arrived, you had quickly let yourself out of the vehicle, ignoring his calls, you had entered the building, briefly greeting the receptionist as you had entered the elevator, though Ghost had been quick, catching up after you, which had been unfortunate, for you.

“Don’t be childish about this, love,” he said, his voice rough before pressing the level button both your homes had been in. “You coming home with me? Or is it yours we’re gonna be in.”

Amused, you had briefly looked up at him, it was as if he had taken mission to piss you off. “I want to be on my own.”

“Jesus Christ,” he sighed. “A’right, I’m sorry for complimenting the waitress, happy?” He asked as the elevator doors opened, a ding echoing in the comfortable spaced box. You had stepped out of the elevator, arms crossed as you scurried to your front door, feeling Ghost’s figure shadow after you. “Doll,” he breathed. “I don’t want to go sleep knowing you’re upset with me,” he shared.

“Isn’t it something you’re used to?” You spat as you pushed your key in.

“Not something I want to live through again,” he spoke while following you in. “I’ll sleep in the other room if you want.”

“What I want, is for you to not be here,” you snapped. “But it’s not like you ever listen to me.”

“If I listened to you love, that would lead me to standing out your door the next day because you won’t open it, you would probably change the locks too.”

You clicked your tongue in annoyance, he was somewhat correct. “Okay,” you huffed as you pulled off your coat. “I’ll be going to bed, don’t come into my room.” You said and without countering with a comment, Ghost had sighed before leading himself into the guest room.

♱⋆♱

You weren’t able to sleep, and you hated the fact that you would’ve been able to sleep if Ghost had been beside you, his arms wrapped around your waist, engulfing you with his heat while his chin rests against the top of your head, his light snores lulling you into a deep slumber. Then you’d wake up to him making breakfast, kissing you once you make it to him and he’d do that thing where he squeezes your ass before bringing you into a deep kiss.

You had sighed as you had dragged yourself to the open kitchen, the lamp had still been on and you had checked the time and had noticed it had barely been two hours since you had gone to sleep. and the ambience had been somewhat comforting, thus you had tasked yourself to drink water and to have a little snack before returning to bed, but you couldn’t help be but absorbed and consumed by the endless thoughts that had wheeled in your head.

Were you over-reacting? Were you being insecure, the fact that Ghost had never told you that had loved you had swamped and deluged your security. The two of you were able to make it past the three-month period but you couldn’t help but feel like Ghost would find someone better than you, someone he would tell “I love you,” to.

Maybe it was just as simple as that, Ghost didn’t love you, perhaps he was just infatuated with you, and had found himself to be sexual and erotic whenever he had been around you, and you had deciphered that lust to be, love.

“Couldn’t sleep?” God.

You had jumped, your hand pressed against your chest as you had gasped, he wasn’t wearing his mask, handsome and beautiful as ever he had leaned against the sharp corner of a wall, arms crossed, face still but a bit humoured. With your eyebrows furrowed, you had sat yourself down on one of the island seats, close to the lamp that had dimply illuminated the space.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” You asked.

“Why aren’t you, love?” He countered and with your lips pressed into a thin line, you had adjusted your sight forward. “You’re crying.”

What?

Quickly, you had wiped your tears once you had settled down your glass, aware that he had moved closer to you, sitting himself next to you, “Babydoll,” he muttered and with a short hum, you barely glanced his way. “Should’ve known how much it would’ve affected you.”

“Okay.”

“I care for you a lot, you know that?”

“Yeah.”

You were unsure.

“I was being stupid.”

“Yeah.”

He paused. “You don’t want to talk to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Goodnight then,” he muttered as he left the seat he previously sat on, leaving to the guest room, he took one last look, expecting for a goodnight but there had been nothing said from you.

♱⋆♱

Eyes blurred, you had gently gripped the sheets as you had felt a strong commodity continuously part the hearth between your legs, a light confused moan echoing in your room transforming into strong whiny groan once you understood what had been happening.

“Ghost,” you whimpered, your hand now dug into his short hair, his mouth buried between your cunt as he greedily licked between your skin, the flat texture of his tongue teasing against your pearl repeatedly, playing and sucking with the bud hungrily, he had moaned, standing on his knees as continued to devour your nectar. “Fuck!” You cried out, “fuck you…” you had trembled as your eyes rolled back in pleasure, feeling the warm palm of his hands stroke towards the back of your knees, pushing your leg down to spread your pussy more.

His eyes staring at you, erotic with mischief he had commenced to flick the tip of his tongue against your sex, the lower body of his stiff, as he could feel himself want to cum. “Shit,” he moaned as he humped his covered cock against your bed, “so good princess,” he whined, his moan tight as his load seeped in his clothes, proudly cumming to the taste and scent of your ambrosia, he had now began to selfishly suck on your heat, his ears flooded with the high moans from you, your legs trembling at the approaching orgasm, you had leaned your head back, your sex hot and wet at the sight of your boyfriend’s handsome face go down on you.

Your cries echoing into a brewing shameful cry, your toes curling as your nectar gushed and heaved against his face, Simon, desperate to catch as much of your eject with his mouth, his opening slurping with the effect of your sweet expel as your hand had possessively still been at the top of his head, your eyes blurry with erotic tears once he had pulled away from you, once more, you had noted how he had cummed himself, an arrogant smile laced on your face as you had watched him gravely pull down his pants, aware that he had not worn boxers, the large cock heaved out of his clothes.

Red and angry, you had viewed the fierce veins that had been wrapped around his cock boldly stand out, his length throbbing in desire of your wetness and hearth. “Oh, Babydoll,” he lightly whined, hovering over you before he had kissed you, the tip of his cock shadowing against your wet opening, his lips moving to your jaw before sliding himself inside of you, your insides shifting and spreading due to his size and as kickback your mouth had opened and loudly moaned.

He didn’t take long before adjusting into a quick pace, formed in his favourite position, the mating press, you had felt your sex grip tightly around him once you felt his tip sweep against your cervix, his face focused and lustful he resumed on adjusting his hips backwards and forwards, his veiny cocky kissing the soft walls of your heat that had possessively wrapped around him, had influenced him to push his size deeper into your body, “Fit just for me,” he moaned, “so perfect,” he whined as he continued to buck his hips forward.

“Just for you,” you moaned, “I’m just for you,” you cried out, overwhelmed by his size you had brought your nails against his bare back, digging them into his skin, marking his body with your digits---you had frantically pulled your head back, his sac smacking against your ass while the length of his shaft dug deeper than the previous push.

Your lips had trembled. “Daddy!” You cried out, drowned by your pleasure you had been unaware of the bulge print that had stuck out from your stomach, Ghost prideful of his cock fitting in your tight cunt had resumed on abusing the spongy button within your sex with the head of his member, your moans twirling higher every second while the friction had moved your body to move on its own.

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl for me,” he muttered. “So tight and wet,” he said before he had bit his lips, his thrusts angry and hungry, racing for his climax the man had continued to buck his hips forward, “imma fill you up with my cum,” he whined, “belly swollen,” he desperately whispered, “All because of me, such a good girl, my little princess.”

His obsessive comments whispered into your ear, egging you into dishevelled state, a pinch feeling gathering around your sex before your walls continuously throbbed around him. “Cum for me,” he commanded. “Cum for your daddy, show me I’m yours, I can only make you feel this good, only me,” he said and with your eyes almost closed, you had desperately nodded your head, obedient as hot tears trickled down your skin while your hot cum laced around his width.

 “Good girl,” he cooed before kissing you once more, his length digging deeper into your sex as his sac had swelled, frantic to cum inside you the man had continued to push himself, the wetness of both your sexes echoing inside of your room just as he cummed inside of you, his hot load seeping deep inside, coating your walls and cervix with his nectar as he released one tight grunt. “There you go,” he whispered before pulling out of you.

Exhausted you had heavily breathed, eyes almost shut you could feel Ghost swipe his thumb against your lower lip. “Still mad at me?” He asked.

“No,” you replied.

“Good girl.”

a compilation of what i think is ghost's favourite position

pussy eating reference :)) and if it doesnt work use vpn

[possibilistfanfiction]

CaitVi prompt: hugs

[ok s/o the one person who wanted a climbing au lmao. this rly isn't abt climbing, it's just a silly meet cute thru jinx's pov. i love sisters ur honor! also idk jinx is a cooler name than powder so that's what we're going with lol. incredibly minimal angst :)]

//

keep your helmet on this; finish dressing your knot that; vi triple checks the number of quick draws you have on your harness — ‘i have twelve, and there’s only nine bolts, vi,’ you say again— while you roll your eyes so hard your whole head moves. she sighs, as marginally satisfied as she ever manages to be when you’re leading anything. 

‘okay,’ she says, checking her grigri carabiner for, like, the fifth time. 

‘okay.’ you roll your eyes once more for good measure before you establish on a truly disgusting set of crimps. ‘climbing.’

vi gives a very serious, ‘climb on,’ and since she can’t see you anymore, you let yourself smile. even though she’s annoying and hates when you take victory whips — your favorite — you do love her: she takes your life seriously. 

the route is gross, overhung with tricky feet and big moves, but vi had lead it just before you and made it look pretty easy, even though it’s her style and definitely not yours. still, you’re not going to back down from a challenge, even though admittedly she’s way stronger than you: you’re light and unafraid of falling, which sometimes evens the playing field. 

you yell out anchor and then take just like you’re supposed to once you finish the route, refusing to shake out your arms even though you’re pumped as hell, and vi lowers you smoothly. you expect her to have her utmost, full attention on you, but when you turn to talk about your beta as you undo your knot, you see vi very quickly get off belay and then take her fleece quarterzip — a black patagonia which had been your best thrift find of the past year, in your opinion — off in an almost frantic, decidedly uncool way. it’s even more ridiculous because it’s freezing and all vi has on under her jacket is her favorite ‘queer crush’ tank from your gym. she smiles in your direction — a small, proud one — but then her grin turns shy and she looks at someone else. 

the someone else in question, a few feet away, gearing up, is, admittedly, hot — you gotta give vi that.

she has dark hair that manages to look chic even under her helmet, pants actually designed for climbing, and an arcteryx down jacket — the right weight for the fucking weather, at least — and even her chalk bag and shoes look kind fancy; you notice a pair of very neat camp slippers sitting next to approach shoes you could only dream of, the socks in them in a neat little ball. 

‘caitlyn,’ she says to you, offers her hand in a firm shake — not a customary fist bump — before she ties in anywhere or chalks up. you’re kind of confused why she’s walking toward the start, but you introduce yourself anyway as you pull the rope.

‘cait is going to clean the route,’ vi explains as caitlyn ties in, another smile exchanged. ‘her climbing partner is peeing, so i offered to belay if she wanted to lead it.’

it’s a pretty gnarly 12a, and also vi never lets you clean anchors, mostly because you don’t think all the steps with a PAS are necessary and you take victory whips without announcing them first, but whatever. it’s boring anyway.

caitlyn and vi go through the most intense safety check, joyously, almost, vi practically giggling when she looks at caitlyn’s figure 8, her hand hovering over caitlyn’s waist when she checks the loops on her harness, and you sit with a huff on a small rock near enough the route you can watch. 

you do everyone the profound kindness of staying quiet until caitlyn clips into the first quickdraw and vi very officially says, ‘you are on belay, cupcake,’ but then you’ve had enough. 

‘cupcake?’

‘she’s sweet,’ vi says, concentrating more on belaying than she ever has in her life with you. you’re not stupid, so you can tell she’s really just trying to avoid you seeing her blush. 

‘sure, sis.’ you watch as caitlyn does a pretty sick high foot to hand match and mantles calmly; vi shouts some encouragement. ‘did you get hot belaying me?’

‘what?’

‘very smooth, showing cait your best asset right away. thanks for waiting until i was done, at least.’

vi scoffs. not convincing at all. ‘the wind has gone down.’

‘we’re in a slot canyon.’

caitlyn sails past the crux, incredibly technical and very calm. it’s unfortunately impressive. 

‘nice, cait!’ vi shouts. ‘that was sick!’

caitlyn, to your dismay, pauses after she clips into the next quickdraw — your least favorite hold on the whole route, a terribly chalked up sloper — and turns to give vi a thumbs up. 

you groan, long and drawn out, and flop onto your back while vi laughs. you’re no stranger to girls falling all over themselves to impress your sister, but this is one of the few times where one of them has actually been impressive. 

when you sit up, a guy who was watching caitlyn climb looks at you and laughs, immediately somehow in on it all, you can tell. 

‘i was gone for, like, ten minutes,’ he says. ‘cait already found a new partner?’

‘in more ways than one,’ you bemoan. you offer a fist bump, correct and cool climbing etiquette, not some stupid handshake. ‘that’s vi, my sister. and i’m jinx.’

‘jayce,’ he says, then looks up. ‘is cait cleaning the anchor?’

‘guess so.’

‘i wanted to climb that route.’ he’s definitely pouting, which you never do because it’s extremely undignified, obviously. 

‘you snooze, you lose, i guess.’ you shrug. ‘plus, i think they’re both just trying to impress each other. horrible. worst thing to happen today.’

‘i took a whip on slab,’ he says, shows you a scrape on his palm. ‘so maybe second worse.’

‘nah,’ you wave him off. ‘big whips are the best, most fun part of climbing.’

he looks at you like you’re crazy, which, like, you certifiably are, but even your therapist thinks that climbing with vi — and therefore with a lot of gear and safety checks — is good for getting your “intrusive impulses” out without too much danger. could be worse, you always tell her, because it has been. 

you don’t let yourself dwell on that, though, not out here on a cold, beautiful day, your hands stinging a little in the best way, the sun sinking just slightly. vi might be annoying and so, so gay, but she’s your favorite person in the world, hands down. for now, it’s okay. 

caitlyn calls for slack and then quickly and neatly cleans the anchor, and vi lowers her carefully while she takes the quickdraws out. they’re, like, basically about to kiss, you’re pretty sure, when caitlyn gets to the bottom, before she even unties her knot. 

‘that was amazing,’ vi says, full of genuine awe, as if the both of you didn’t also just lead that route. when caitlyn brushes her hand against vi’s — in thanks, you guess — vi blushes hard enough even you can see it. you’re relieved for her, honestly, when caitlyn’s cheeks are the same shade of pink.

and so the day goes like this: caitlyn sails up a run-out slab route vi had sworn off every other time you’d come to the crag, mostly because she’s so strong she hates slab and it’s truly heinous — the best route here, in your opinion — full of mono pockets and the tiniest foot jibs. it’s kind of embarrassing to watch vi tremble her way up, especially after she lets you lead it after caitlyn, but you actually do belay her carefully and caitlyn and jayce both shout encouragement. vi sends it, even though she’s a total baby and asks you to take twice. jayce — also really strong; also terrified of slab, which makes you laugh — and vi convince caitlyn to end on another overhang, exhausting and pumpy, and you only agree to do it too because you know vi won’t care as much if you fall on it. you send it first, take a giant whip off the top that you know vi will be annoyed at you for, but when she lowers you the rest of the way, she just smiles and taps the top of your helmet.

‘you’re getting so strong, jinx,’ she says, the easy, heartfelt compliment making you feel all warm inside. vander and ekko insist that you’re kind like vi, that you share the same big heart, and sometimes you think they might be right.

‘great job,’ caitlyn agrees, happily and without anything underlying, and jayce echoes the sentiment too. all day they’d both asked you thoughtful and caring questions about your studies, jayce especially excited when you told him you were going to school for mechanical engineering, and about your friends, your hobbies, books and music you’ve enjoyed lately.

kindness is too much for you, sometimes, especially when it’s easily given and true, so you duck off and set about pulling and coiling the rope; gathering the rest of the gear split into your packs — vi’s, of course, much heavier whenever you’re in charge.

still, she stops her flirting �� caitlyn is talking about how she’s a doctor, or something, and vi wipes her sweaty face with the bottom of her tank before finally putting her jacket back on, then telling one of her bravest firefighter stories — to say, ‘thanks for doing all of this, sis,’ sincerely before shouldering her pack.

‘don’t mention it,’ you grumble, trudging out of the canyon back up toward your cars. the approach is short but steep, so thankfully they’re mostly quiet. but as you load everything up — yours into vi’s old bronco that you’d both fixed up with vander; caitlyn’s into a brand new forester with every “wilderness” add-on you could possibly think of — they exchange numbers with the promise to climb again soon, both indoors and at another of your favorite crags too. you’re sure caitlyn climbs at one of the fancy gyms in town, one that you can only afford a membership to because vi is a first responder and you’re a student, and even then just barely. 

horrifically, maybe the worst part of the day, is that caitlyn looks unsure for a moment but then opens her arms, and vi enthusiastically, and softly, hugs her for an amount of time that's way too intimate for having just met a friend at the crag. you’re a nice person after all, it turns out, because you don’t make a single gagging noise. you do catch jayce’s eye, though, and he lifts a brow, fighting a laugh. you duck your head, but it makes you smile too. 

they longingly wave goodbye one last time, and then vi glares at you when you start to laugh as she pulls out of the spot and onto the dirt road out of the canyon, flooring it a little more than necessary. 

‘hey,’ you say, ‘why are you all —' you motion to her, the furrow in her brow and the downturned corners of your mouth.

she slows down, taking the next turn and rut in the road carefully, like usual. ‘i just — i don’t even know if she’s queer, first of all.’

‘other than, like, her expertise at pockets —‘

‘— jinx—‘

‘— and the fact that she was all over you for, like, three hours, she had a trans flag on her helmet,’ you offer, taking a little pity on vi. ‘and she drives a subaru.’

vi sighs. ‘she’s — i mean, you can tell. wealthy and smart and gorgeous. i’m, well —‘

‘hot and kind and also smart?’

for someone who’s always bugging you about accepting compliments, she’s terrible at it. you know she holds a lot, feels inadequate in so many ways, because she couldn't save your parents, and because she was incarcerated, and because you grew up poor, and because she can't fix everything for you all the time.

‘look, i don’t think anyone will ever be good enough for you,' you tell her honestly; it's important. 'especially some idiot who wears arcteryx.’

vi laughs; you don’t mention that it’s a little watery with tears.

‘you save people for a living. your muscles are insane. you help me with school, and refilling my meds, and you always pay rent on time, and we can even eat out now, whenever we want. you’ve read, like, seventy books this year. you like podcasts about nature, which i only know because you make me listen to them with you while we drive anywhere.’

it’s quiet — no podcast, not just now — for a minute or two, but then vi nods.

‘i guess you’re right.’

‘i’m always right. i’ve literally never been wrong.’

‘shut the fuck up.’

you laugh, delighted, and put your socked feet on the dash just so vi can swat them off. 

‘so, anyway, do you wanna tell me more about how caitlyn being perfect at pockets made you feel, or…’

‘i will throw you out of this car.’

‘you’d never.’

‘i might.’

you laugh; when she pulls onto the paved road you take her hand in yours, lace your fingers together, put on a song you love that she hates. she rolls her eyes but sings along anyway.

[wizardofrozz]

hihihi 🥹

Could I please request a slightly custom prompt? 😂

“That was…”

“Yeah.”

With the addition of exceptionally tender hands? 😂🙈 just the most fulfilling fluffaroni ever?

Withhhhh… hmm… ah man, Hunter has me in a hold since my spicy dream last night. 😜 So it’s gotta be him!

Thank you so much and as alllllways, feel free to ignore!! 💙

The First of Many

Sergeant Hunter x GN!reader, mention of Tech and Omega

Word Count: ~1.4k

Warnings: mention of violence, slight angst but mostly just fluff

A/N: Thank you for the request Free! ❤️ I got a little carried away with this one but I'm not even sorry lmao. I hope you enjoy my silly Hunter fluff 🥺🖤

Wind whipped against your face as you jerked the speeder hard to the left, just barely dodging the shot from behind. Hunter grunted, the sudden movement throwing him forward enough to knock his chest against your back. 

“Careful!” he snapped, twisting around to fire a few shots at the troopers tailing you.

“Oh sorry, I’ll just let us get shot next time,” you yelled over the wind, swerving to avoid another speeder. The farther you got from the city’s main road, the narrower the streets got, forcing you to make sharper turns that threatened to toss you and Hunter off the speeder. Losing the imperial squad was proving harder than you anticipated.

“We can’t outrun them,” Hunter warned, pressing closer to your back. It took every ounce of willpower to keep your mind on escaping instead of the warmth of his chest against you. He wasn’t wearing his armor, an attempt at blending in, and feeling his body shifting against you through two thin layers was maddening. 

“Any ideas?” You leaned to your right, prompting Hunter to do the same, forcing the bike almost on its side and you managed to only graze the small stand on the side of the street. You threw your weight the other way, leveling the speeder out again, and glanced down at the map displayed on the bike's dashboard. Hunter leaned forward, his chin nearly resting on your shoulder, forcing you to suppress a shiver. Was he trying to kill you??

“Take the next right. Stay close to the left side of the street,” he ordered, finally leaning away. It felt like you could breathe a little easier and hoped your harsh exhale didn’t sound as strained as it felt. Making the turn took a little more finesse than you had expected, causing the back of the speeder to bounce off the building on the corner. Luckily, Hunter didn’t complain, already too focused on the supply truck parked on the side of the road. 

You yelped, fighting to keep the speeder upright when Hunter suddenly leaned to the left, grabbing at a crate near the bottom of the stack. You automatically twisted the throttle hard, pushing the speeder to its limit to outrun the toppling stack of crates. The angry shouts from behind you startled a laugh from you, some of the tension draining out of your shoulders but Hunter was still just as tightly wound behind you.

“Not in the clear yet,” he warned, craning to look over your shoulder again. “Make a sharp left up ahead. We need to lose the bike and the Imperials.” You blinked a few times before turning your head, stopping yourself from flinching when you realized how close Hunter’s face was. You didn’t get a chance to ask what the hell he was thinking though. “Now.” 

Your body acted on instinct, banking hard to the left. One of Hunter’s arms wrapped around your waist, holding you in place when you nearly slid off the seat, while the other reached for the brake. You tried to keep your arms straight but the forward momentum sent you into the handlebars, Hunter’s added weight at your back making it harder to stop the mental from knocking the wind out of you. 

“Thanks for the warning,” you wheezed, trying to ignore the entirety of Hunter’s body pressing into your back. 

“Complain later,” he huffed, sliding off the speeder. Although, he paused to help you climb off the bike. You glanced around the alleyway, orienting yourself as you staggered for a moment, the ground still seeming to move under your feet. “Help me.” 

“Grab that tarp,” you whispered harshly, pointing at a pile of garbage over his shoulder. The power cell whined as you shut the bike off, shoving a few bags under the back end, hoping to make it blend in a bit better. You looked over at Hunter with a desperate expression but he seemed as calm as ever, offering a tight nod. 

“Come on.” His skin was warm when he grabbed your hand, partly dragging you toward the street again. You nearly slammed into his back when he stopped suddenly, cursing quietly under his breath. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was wrong.

“How many?” you whispered, trying to see around his broad shoulders. 

“Too many,” he mumbled, shooing you deeper into the alleyway. Time was running out and you frantically looked for anywhere to hide as the thump of boots grew louder. Hunter started to protest when you basically dragged him down the alley but his mouth quickly snapped shut when your back hit the side of the building, pulling him as close as possible. The large generator just barely concealed the two of you but paired with the dim lighting, it might just work. 

It felt like each of the troopers’ footfalls resonated through your bones, your breathing coming out harsh and fast. You jumped when a hand, hesitantly, rested on your waist, Hunter’s thumb mindlessly brushing over your last rib. 

“Hey,” he whispered, drawing your attention. He was so close, each of his inhales pushing his chest into yours. Oddly enough, it gave you something to focus on, syncing your own ragged gasping with his slow, measured breathing. “There ya go.” 

You tried to find his eyes but they were glazed over as he strained to sense his surroundings and you took the opportunity to admire him. The stray strand of hair that always flopped over his bandana swayed in the light breeze. The dim lights made his tattoo look darker, more menacing, although not to you; you followed the line of ink that curved along his cheek, down to the corner of his mouth. The corner of Hunter’s mouth lifted, making your cheeks burn as you darted your eyes back to his. 

“C - clear?” Hunter didn’t answer, his eyes softening as they flickered around your face. You didn’t miss the way they linger on your mouth before his lips parted, his tongue poking out briefly. The small space between you and him felt heavy, the tension stretched taut like it might snap at any second. 

Then Hunter inched closer, his eyes never leaving yours. A shiver danced across your skin and without your permission, your head tilted forward. Hunter gently squeezed your waist as your nose bumped against his, startling you back to reality. A reality you were not going to miss out on. 

Hunter’s lips were warm and a little dry but you melted anyway. He sighed through his nose, sending another shiver down your spine. You rested your hand over his heart, a little surprised to feel it hammered against your palm and it relieved some of the nerves bouncing around in your stomach. Hunter broke the kiss, letting out a shaky exhale as he rested his forehead against yours. The gesture brought a small smile to your lips.

“That was…” You were lost for words, still a little stunned that it had even happened. 

“Yeah,” Hunter laughed softly, mindlessly rubbing your side. A small smile spread across your face as you brushed your thumb in a slow arc over his heart, admiring the pleased rumble that vibrated through his chest. 

“I-”

“Havoc 1, do you copy?” The voice was quiet but you and Hunter still jumped, glancing down at his pocket. Hunter leaned back, narrowing his eyes at the end of the alleyway before pulling the com out. 

“Havoc 2, I read you,” Hunter huffed, sounding a bit exasperated and it made you snicker under your breath. 

“Wonderful. If you are quite finished fondling our travel companion, I would like to proceed with the extraction.” Your mouth dropped open as Hunter’s eyes widened; you glanced around the narrow alleyway, spotting the surveillance camera off to your left, and rolled your eyes. Hunter sputtered for a moment, his cheeks turning the faintest shade of pink. He opened his mouth to reply but another, softer voice cut him off.

“What's fondling?” 

“Nothing, Omega,” Hunter rushed out, squeezing his eyes shut. “Just send rendezvous coordinates.”

“Sending coordinates,” Tech replied sounding infuriatingly smug. Hunter ended the call with a huff, shoving the com back in his pocket and you were fighting to keep your laughter under control. 

“Siblings are great, aren’t they?” you giggled, sliding your hand up to the side of Hunter’s neck.

“No, they aren’t.” You laughed a little louder this time and Hunter’s expression softened. 

“We should go,” you sighed, the smile never leaving your face. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Hunter mumbled but he didn’t pull away immediately. His lips found yours again in a quick kiss that made your stomach flutter. When Hunter finally took a step back he didn’t break contact for long, holding his hand out to you. Your cheeks warmed as you threaded your fingers with his, squeezing his hand reassuringly. 

The walk back to the Marauder was quick and blessedly uneventful but you couldn’t seem to force the smile off your face.

Ragu list:

@a-single-tulip @wings-and-beskar @anxiouspineapple99 @secondaryrealm @dystopicjumpsuit @sunshinesdaydream @moonlightwarriorqueen @starrylothcat @starqueensthings @multi-fan-dom-madness @trixie2023 @wolffegirlsunite @clonemedickix @sev-on-kamino

[baekhyunsbestie]

── ❝ hopelessly devoted to you ❞ 💗ྀི ̟!!

⟢ an ex-husband!baekhyun x ex-wife!reader series

જ⁀➴°⋆ content: rated E for everybody lmao. 1.2k+ words. angst, longing, yearning. divorce. explicit language. pet names. jealous baek. lmk if i missed anything, lol.

thinkin bout ex-husband!baekhyun, who’s still hopelessly, painfully in love with you.

no, he never got over the divorce. never got over you. how could he? you weren’t just his first love—you were the love, the only one who ever truly mattered.

even now, long after the papers were signed, baekhyun finds reasons to stay in your orbit. he drops by unannounced, armed with excuses that don’t fool anyone. "just wanted to check on you," he’d say, holding up a bag of your favorite takeout like a peace offering. or, with that familiar teasing grin, “you suck at taking care of yourself, sweetheart. someone’s gotta step up, right?”

but today, as he sets the bag of food down in the kitchen you once shared, his easygoing facade falters. his eyes catch on a vase of fresh flowers sitting on the counter—bright, delicate, and undoubtedly new.

they weren’t there last week when he came by to fix that "leaky faucet." no, he’s sure of it.

his chest tightens, a cocktail of jealousy and heartache bubbling up. someone else brought them. someone who isn’t him.

"hey, sweets," baekhyun calls out for you as he strides over to the vase, his eyes narrowing in scrutiny. he picks it up, tilting it slightly as though inspecting a priceless artifact or hunting for some incriminating evidence. of course, you weren’t stupid enough to leave the card from the sender out for him to see.

you’ve learned better by now. baekhyun’s nosiness knows no bounds. just last week, you’d caught him red-handed snooping under your christmas tree, crouched low and flipping through the gift tags like a detective on a mission. you could only guess he was hunting for a guy’s name to latch onto, but all he’d found were the usual suspects—your friends and family. he’d been smugly satisfied only for him to confront you, wide-eyed and grinning.

“so, what’s in that tiny box at the back of the tree?” he’d asked, his excitement barely contained. “y’know, the one with my name and the fancy red bow?”

now, as he gestures toward the roses with a casual wave, the teasing lilt in his voice returns. “what’s the deal? you got a boyfriend i don't know about or something? since when did you start liking roses? peonies are your favorite.”

his words hang in the air, the feigned indifference unable to mask the flicker of jealousy in his tone.

you leaned against the archway of the kitchen entry, arms folded tightly across your chest as if the posture alone could steady the rising panic bubbling beneath your skin. your voice, carefully measured, betrayed none of the unease you felt. “maybe i bought them for myself,” you lie, the words sounding hollow even to your own ears. baekhyun’s sharp eyes flicked to yours, and you knew instantly—you weren’t fooling him.

“riiiigghhht,” he drawled, stretching the word out as he straightened his stance. “because you’re definitely the type to buy yourself a bouquet of flowers you hate.” his scoff was sharp, laced with just enough bite to sting. shifting his weight, he leaned against the kitchen island, mirroring your stance with his arms crossed, the flowers sitting between you, an unspoken challenge. “seriously, who even gets you roses? you told me you hated them before we even started dating.” his pout deepened, his gaze dropping as his foot scuffed idly against the tiled floor. “pfft, what kind of dumbass gives you the wrong fuckin' flowers?”

“that was like eight years ago, baekhyun,” you scoffed, taking a few steps into the kitchen. “maybe i like roses now?” you lied, and the bombastic side eye he gave you as soon as the words left your mouth told you he knew it, too. “though i’m actually kind of shocked you even remembered that.”

the soft shuffle of his feet, the unmistakable pout on his lips—these tiny details triggered a surge of emotion within you, a vulnerability you hadn’t felt in so long. 

“well… yeah.” his voice softened, a flicker of vulnerability in his eyes. “how could i forget when i had that vase filled with your favorites at all times? expensive ones, too. not like this garbage,” he shot a disdainful look at the cheap flowers, “where were they even brought from anyway? a fuckin’ grocery store?”

“god, you’re such a snob,” you half-laughed, shaking your head. as you reached for the bag of food he brought, the savory aroma curled around you like a warm hug, the comforting scent grounding you in the moment. “mmm, thank you for this, baek,” you murmured, offering him a small smile as you began unpacking the contents.

that was all it took—your gratitude, the soft curve of your lips as you thanked him. his face lit up, radiant and warm, like the sun breaking through a stubborn bank of clouds. “couldn’t let my girl starve,” he quipped, the playful lilt in his voice wrapping around the words like a bow. the pet name fell from his lips effortlessly, so natural it almost slipped past unnoticed.

almost.

your wince was small, fleeting—a ghost of discomfort that vanished as quickly as it appeared, but not before he caught it. his smile faltered, just for a heartbeat, before he masked it with a casual shift in his posture.

you, ever composed, pretended not to see. instead, you busied yourself with the food, your hands moving deftly as you divided the portions between two plates. the savory aroma filled the space between you, but it did little to distract him from the pang of longing that your reaction had stirred.

“come on. let’s eat,” you said at last, your voice light and accompanied by that signature smile of yours—the one that made his heart skip in the way it always had whenever it came to you.

“right behind ya, sweets,” he replied, tossing you a wink, the playfulness in his eyes masking the quiet storm brewing beneath.

as you turned to lead the way, he followed, but the sight of your back—familiar, heartbreakingly so—triggered an instinct he hadn’t yet mastered silencing. his hand twitched at his side, the urge to reach out and settle it against the curve of your waist surging like muscle memory. almost a year had passed since the divorce, yet his body hadn’t caught up to the reality of it all.

he clenched his fists tightly, forcing them to stay by his sides, his nails biting into his palms to ground himself. the thought of you catching him—of seeing his vulnerability so plainly written in an unspoken gesture—sent a flush of shame crawling up his neck. thank god you couldn’t see him.

baekhyun exhaled a slow, steadying breath, forcing the longing back down into the hollow it came from before slipping into his seat. but when you set the plate down in front of him, he was already gone—lost in thought, his knee bouncing restlessly under the table.

his hands were clasped tightly in front of his mouth, his gaze unfocused but intense, like a detective piecing together a puzzle he refused to leave unsolved. the flowers had done more than catch his eye—they’d planted a question in his mind, one he wouldn’t rest until he answered. just who in the hell is sending you flowers?

you knew that look too well, the gears turning behind his eyes. you swallowed hard, trying to ignore the creeping unease curling in your chest.

he’ll figure it out, you thought, dread pooling low in your stomach. one way or another.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ a/n ꒱ ˎˊ˗ i’ve been mulling over starting this series for a while, and here it finally is!!! i don’t really know where i’m going w this, but hey, we’ll figure it out together lmao. this series is probably gonna be filled with lil scenarios like this—lots of longing, yearning, jealousy, and angst, all that fun stuff :’) k bye hope you guys enjoyed this because there’s definitely more ex-husband!baekhyun coming ur way!!!!!!

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* masterlist ° ᡣ𐭩 . 

[crazylittlejester]

Did you know that it’s apparently possible to get sick from eating too many oranges? One of my friends just told me that when she was a kid, her grandma had an orange tree so one day she decided to browse on oranges all afternoon and had like 10 oranges in the course of a few hours. She was up all night throwing up, I think maybe because that much vitamin C in a short period might be bad.

I thought of you the second I heard this story, soooooo do with this information what you will when it comes to Wars 😈

ALSKSK I DID, but only because I’ve done it to myself 😭

Doing this to Wars is something I’ve considered more than once because of the Angst Potential, but also I don’t think I could do that to him. Firstly because it’d be very mean (though that ain’t ever stopped me before LMAO), but also the long term psychological effects. I considered writing a fic where he eats too many oranges, feels sick, and is convinced he’s been poisoned because what else could’ve happened to him, but that would take away oranges as a safe food for him. Even once he stopped feeling sick and was able to think rationally, he is (to me) someone who is so paranoid I think he’d no longer be able to find comfort in oranges after that. and i think it’d take him a while to bounce back and feel safe eating other foods too, at least with how i characterize him

So i gotta rule out a fic in You’re A Part Of Me where he accidentally makes himself sick by eating too many oranges 💔

However an unattached oneshot- A single standalone fic- THAT i might do >:) because at the end of the day i am evil and sick and twisted

adding it to the wip pile 🫡

(it will take me a while because i have a LOT of projects to do first, and Mandarin Wars Anons fic is my top priority rn)

[six-eyed-samurai]

SUMMARY: It's been back and forth the last few months between you and Hawks and finally you're both out for a date!...or not. You couldn't have ghosted him, right? A/N: About a couple years ago I was obsessed with Why Don't We so yes I'm using one of their songs LMAO sue me WARNINGS: GN reader and angst (it gets resolved I'm not evil!)

Oh, she talks so sweet, like sugar, like candy

It’s a first date and firsts are important, so he’s gotta be sure to make a good impression. A shower and a lot more to his normal concession to fanciness: the comb’s brushed through his hair more times than he count, tugged at the collar of his shirt wondering if it was too much, too casual, god it was getting kind of hot wearing it would it smell like sweat-

“I don’t mind. Smells like you.” Ah, that smirk that caused him to blush so badly and throw his hoodie at you. Okay, don’t worry so much. Just be your usual self.

Makes me wanna be the best man that I can be

He’s got the flowers, your favorite of course, and they were in full bloom when he walked past that florist. He’s prepared to pay the bill, ready to be the gentleman by rehearsing in his head what he’d do. Pull out your chair, compliment, a dinner place of your choice.

For you, nothing but the best, he swears in his head as he flies out into the night.

I like that she keeps things oh-so simple

The flirty game of cat and mouse the both of you had had going on before in his office was beyond fun and always left him wanting more of you - interactions, voice, touch. He made it obvious from the start that he was into you, what with his more than friendly suggestions, insistence on meals together and overprotectiveness should any of his sidekicks even think of looking at you.

It was startling to him that you had returned it though in the same gestures. He liked that about you; you didn’t beat around the bush and worked to get what you wanted.

In this case it was him and he wasn’t complaining.

Less stress, more uh, yeah, she got the dimples

It had taken exactly three months, one week and a half and five days for it to come to a head. One of you was going to crack and it was him, inevitably, when he dropped by with his daily pickup line and coffee for you. You’d flash that coy, sweet smile. “I might actually think you’re interested in me if you keep doing that.”

“What gave it away?” He made his standard, joking reply.

“I dunno. I said might. When you actually ask me out I’ll be convinced.”

I get scared when I think about the future

As a pro hero he had to think about the risks of having a significant partner who would become the target of much villain attacks, paparazzi and obsessed fans. As himself even he would admit the playboy image they painted and he supplied was not exactly flattering. As a normal person, was anyone really ready for commitment, potential heartbreak…?

But all this could be dealt with. It all faded to background noise, yadda yadda yadda…

Because, actually, now that he thought about it, had he OPENLY asked you out?

I'm a junk man, she's a promise abuser

“Well, when you do, I’ll say yes and I’ll be really, really interested as well.”

“Okay, will you go out with me for dinner tonight then?”

You blinked, opening and closing your mouth like a goldfish while he stared at you expectantly. “…um, what? I wasn’t…expecting…”

“You said you’d say yes!”

“Huh, I did say that.” You flashed another million watt smile. “Okay then. How about eight?”

Hell, I know that we're bad for each other

It’s been almost ten minutes - you must have run into traffic. Not unusual on a bustling night like this, with everyone in a terrible hurry to get, get, get somewhere. The tapping of his foot aligned with the ticking of the clock he was watching anxiously. He’s glad he had requested a more private table at the back to prevent fans from noticing their favorite Pro Hero, but now even more so he wouldn’t see the glances of pitying diners wondering who had stood him up so badly to see his hopeful face crack away bit by bit.

No, you wouldn’t ditch him like this. That was just cruel; you were a tease. You wouldn’t do this.

It’s the third refill of his cup when he finally accepts that you’re not coming.

I made my own bed but she tucked me under

A pathetic KFC dinner was not how he had envisioned the evening but that’s what he’s sitting with, hunched on his couch, wondering what went wrong.

Were you playing with him? Did you think he wasn’t serious? Were you offended he hadn’t come pick you up? Had you both somehow miscommunicated the date? Did you realize you didn’t actually want all the crap that came with being a Pro Hero’s significant other?

He chucked his trash into the bin and wished he could do the same with his emotional turmoil.

We did it for the hell of it

You didn’t even show up the next day at work - you must really be going that far to avoid him, huh?

Not like he’d bring it up, to be honest. It was embarrassing that he had managed to be duped so well, that he was rejected indirectly in public. It hurt that you didn’t even bother to answer ANY of his messages. It stung that he had no apology and he couldn’t say one himself because you. Weren’t. There.

But your jacket was, hanging forlornly by your chair, so internally he apologized and took it home to toss onto his bed-nest and fall asleep to the fading scent of you.

We did it for the good times and the bad ones

So this was what it was like to be hung up. 10/10 would not recommend, he decided. Usually he was distracted during hero work occasionally thinking about you, but now he still was and doing a sloppy job according to the Commission with his listless attitude and moping. Probably why they just about forced him to take a day off.

Nothing much to do. You hadn’t gone to work for a third day already. Who was he to text? Usually he’d be blowing up your phone with stupid pickup lines he found online, the silly stuff he’s seen people doing while flying, bad singing of whatever song he was listening to at that time. Sometimes it ended in not-so-coincidental meetups. You’d respond to every message with one just as ridiculous as his. Rumi only responded ”your crush not around?” when he spammed her instead.

Could’ve been more, he grumbled aloud. Could’ve been until you went AWOL after doing the equivalent of dumping him.

We didn't think about what shit might happen

He’s driving himself crazy. Over what? Over some crush? There were billions of other people who’d kill for the chance to go out with him.

But it was not some crush - it was you. He didn’t want the billions - he wanted you. It was the fourth day and your desk was still empty - where were you?

He asked around casually. Only Rumi gave him a knowing look. Nobody knew where you were. Your friend at the agency had mentioned you had been pretty excited about some date with a friend- hope? he wanted to think so - that day but since then there wasn’t any updates.

“What if a kidnapping happened?! Like those scammers who pretend to be a date and then end up drugging you instead?!”

He coughed. “Yeah…I don’t think that happened, don’t worry.”

But once you light a fire, it's gonna burn

On the fifth day he sent his fifteenth message.

No wonder you vanished, he grimaced. Nobody wanted a clingy texter who couldn’t take the hint. But here he was, finger hovering above the send button and scrolling past the plaintive texts of before: asks on when you were coming and were you going to be late and where were you, the occasional “guess what I saw today” that he’d usually send you when he was feeling braver, apologies for pestering you and making you uncomfortable with the date and the…never ending texts even though you were probably ghosting him by now.

Today he’d get over it, he repeated with finality and misery. One last “sorry” and on he’d move.

>>I'll be okay to keep it simple

The phone’s abandoned on the table for the rest of the night while he slams his head into his pillow, allowing himself a few moments to sulk one last time before heading into the shower after the long day of work (without you there).

He hopes you’ll at least see it. Maybe text back.

Then again that would probably rip open the wound wide once more so perhaps it was better if you ignored him. He could block you for good measure.

The shower pounded down on his head. No, he sighed, he couldn’t block you if he tried.

>>I'll stay outta your way and won't let you know

The ping on his phone indicating a text message alerts him but he figures it must be the paperwork that he’s been running away from (without your help there was no way he’d be able to do it) from catching up to him, so he takes his sweet time to leisurely change and blow dry his hair before he actually picks the phone up.

He falls back onto the bed. Stunned, shocked. Maybe a bit hopeful. Confused, crushed. Funny how just one message can do that.

Hawks, can you come to my house tonight? I need to talk to you<<

Of course, when has he ever refused you? He was out of the window before he even realized what he was doing and how damn stupid this all was, that he was setting himself up for another heartbreak, you were finally going to break it to him that you didn’t show up because you didn’t know how else to reject his pushy advances and oh shit he’s forgotten to wear his shoes properly and now they were falling off midair-

“I…wasn’t expecting you that fast.”

“I’m the Wing Hero?”

You allowed your face to curl into a broken smile. “Yeah, we all know that, birdbrain.”

Humans always want what they couldn’t have. You were dolled up so pretty for some reason, even in the horrible lighting coming from your living room behind you. He was glad the shadow fell on his face, standing at your door, so you wouldn’t see the heartbreak twisting his expression. Don’t call me birdbrain if you’re going to leave, he prayed.

“So,” he said to cut the awkward pause. “Why am I here?”

“I…it’s probably easier to explain inside. Come on in.”

It's not the first time he's been in but he's pretty surprised to see your dining table pushed out, covered in a tablecloth and decorated with the whole nine yards: dinner for two, candles and flowers. Is this how you're really gonna toy with him before breaking it off?

You take him by the arm and lead him there, half pulling out a chair for yourself before he interrupts plainly. “You didn't have to do all this.”

“Yeah, well, I really wanted to-”

“You could've just told me you didn't want to go out with me. Not stand me up and just, what, vanish without telling anyone?!”

“Hawks-”

“You didn't have to do this.” Why couldn't you spare him pain instead? He was a fool, yes, but no reason for you to let him be this foolish.

He shuts his eyes to trap the water and when he opens them his face is suddenly smooshed between your cradling palms while you force him to look at you and your serious, pleading expression.

“Hawks, will you listen to me? Please?”

“Listening,” he tried to say, but since his mouth was partially squished he nodded instead. Also his throat was blocking, probably from the almost-crying.

“I’m not playing with you when I say I can explain everything - I was actually on my way to the date when I got a call from my mom. My dad's health isn't the greatest right now so I had to rush back to my hometown after he had a bad fall. My phone's battery died that night and where my parents live don't exactly have the greatest of Internet connections so I was literally cut off from everyone. I came back once he was okay and so…” You take a deep breath and remove a hand to gesture around. “I really do like you, Hawks, so if you want we can redo the date?”

Perhaps his eyes were watering thanks to the candles or flower allergies. He buried his face into your neck, arms wrapped tight around you. Your hand stroked through his hair. “Don't scare me like that again.”

“I'd never ditch you like that, birdbrain.”

“Can we skip straight to the part where we kiss now?”

I need your love tonight

I need your love

[deathbxnny]

Heyoo!! I was wondering if I can request a reader who’s in the same state as kiana was when she felt that all hope was lost and had given up, almost ending her life, but then fu hua saved her and stopped her from doing it, but in place of fu hua it’s jing yuan, welt, blade and dan heng. That’s all I gotta say :3 (disappears’)

-----♡

A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you for the request! I'm honestly surprised by the influx of angst requests lately, but I'm honestly not complaining lmao

Content: TW! ATTEMPTED SUICIDE/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, angst, hurt/comfort, depression, fluff-ish endings?, established relationships

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Dan Heng

Dan Heng didn't notice your mood shifting at first and just thought that you have just had a bad week. He was so busy with the archive room, that he never had time to truly talk to you about your problems and generally, he wasn't good at emotions himself.

This caused him to miss your spiral into a deep depression, as you began questioning your existence and giving up on life itself. You just couldn't take it anymore and wished to finally be free of your worries and stress, that you made a heartbreaking decision you knew would devastate your poor lover.

Yet it seemed as though fate had a different plan in mind, as just before you attempted to take your life, Dan Heng had returned early from a mission and stopped you from hurting yourself. He was baffled at first, asking you what was wrong, until it finally clicks in his head.

His heart breaks, as he instantly holds you close and nearly berates you for ever thinking of leaving him. You two still had so much to go through and experience, so you couldn't just give up. He'll carry all of your burdens for you, so please... just stay.

-----♡

》Blade

Blade doesn't acknowledge or care for his own feelings, so obviously he won't really notice a difference with you either directly. Sure, he may notice a personality shift, but that's about it. He won't comment on it further, as he is unsure how and can't address anyone's feelings to save his life.

And so, you are left alone to spiral into a deep hole you couldn't get out of. You tried at first, but without any support from your lover, life became darker and darker as days went by, until you gave up completely. What was the point, when your own lover didn't seem to care?

Blade knew you weren't doing well and decided to come home early on the day you gave up completely. He was holding some of your favourite snacks, as he calmly made his way through your house. He suddenly realised that the house was way too quiet and that you weren't greeting him like you usually did. And to say that he was horrified seeing the half dead state you were in, would be an understatement.

He'd immideatly cradle you in his arms and press you against him, quickly stopping the bleeding as much as he could. Once he gets you patched up, he'll harshly berate you for what you've done, but you know he did it out of love and fear. He'll make sure to be there for you more afterwards. He won't let you out of his sight ever again either.

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan instantly noticed how you were feeling and tried his best to help you, but unfortunately work always got in the way of him helping you out more. The stress and overwork also got to him in the end, which forced him to fully immerse himself in work only. That also made him unable to come home anymore, which left you alone with your dark thoughts.

The house was empty and quiet, so your heartbreaking thoughts were louder than ever. They echoed off the walls, were the first thing that entered your mind whenever you woke up alone and were eventually what made you lose your mind completely. You were sick of them. You wanted them to just go quiet and therefore knew exactly what you had to do.

What you didn't expect however, was Jing Yuan coming home after taking a week off work for you. He instantly knew what you were thinking and planning, yet decided to just hold you close, instead of confronting you about it. He acted like he didn't know and instead dragged you outside for a well-deserved brake.

He made you forget all your troubles, not letting you have a moment of rest with everything he did with you. In the end, he didn't need to tell you that he knew, as his actions said enough. He'd always be there for you.

-----♡

》Welt Yang

Welt instantly knew something was wrong and didn't let you spiral any further than you already have. At first, he didn't confront you about it directly, mainly because he didn't want you to get potentially ashamed or lie to him about it. He took it very seriously after all and your health is one of his priorities.

He'd take you out more often and make you accompany him on missions at all times, unless it's too dangerous. But even then, he'll have someone with you. He keeps those dark thoughts away and keeps you busy with him. Slowly, he'll start encouraging you to talk to him about your issues and makes sure to listen to all of your needs.

Trying to attempt something with him around is practically impossible, especially because he makes sure you're not out of his sight at any time. He'll always have his eyes on you and make sure that all your problems are gone.

He won't ever give up on you, even if something does happen. He knows how hard the struggle can be and makes sure to always comfort you no matter what. You know, that you can count on him. He has lost so many people in his long life and losing you would destroy him in ways that are unexplainable. So he'll make sure that nothing, not even you, will harm you.

-----♡

A/N: I hope this was alright and is coherent! Thank you again for the request!<3

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

And That's Okay

University AU TW: Language, University Struggles, Sexual Orientation Struggles, Strained Parental Relationships, Slight Implications of Body Dysmorphia, Angst (No Comfort), Reader implied to have anxiety, Codependent relationship, Implications of a toxic relationship, Smoking, Hookup culture Smut Warnings: F/F Sex, Oral (giving and receiving), fingering, first-time receiving anything and everything, loss of virginity, mentions of penetrative sex, mentions of dildo and various other usage of sex toys, F/M Sex, blowjobs, drunk sex, protected sex, penetrative sex, sloppy makeouts Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Smut Pairing: Jeon Somi x Reader ft. Na Jaemin Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her) Word Count: 27.3K Summary: University is when you find out things about yourself. You will find out things you'd already known and you will find out things that you didn't want to know, and oftentimes that is through the help of others who you grow close to and learn to love. But nothing lasts forever, and that's okay.

[Other Groups Masterlist] Notes: HAHA I GOT IT DONE IN TIME FOR HER COMEBACK! So, yeah, full disclosure this is heavily based off of my own experiences coming to terms with myself but obviously it's also super fucking exaggerated because it is fanfic lmao I gotta make it entertaining somehow. But, without further ado, enjoy! Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

“Yeah, we’re together.”

“Oh, I’m happy for you,” you smiled. Your friend had been seeing this guy for a while now, and you were the fortunate one who had listened to her the entire time. Sweet as it may be, you were glad that she’d finally mustered the courage to say yes to his constant probings. You were happy for her, truly, you were in love with the way she smiled now and the way she spoke about him, you could see it in everything that she did, she really was in love with him. The way her hair bounced when she nodded her head, the way her lips would turn up so slightly, and the way that smile still reached her eyes. You were happy for her, really, you were.

“Thank you, (Y/N)! I only have you to thank, really, you’ve been helping me out with this since day one and… ahh,” she rubs the back of her neck bashfully. Her hair parted slightly under her hands, revealing the soft skin beneath it while she did so and the light tinge of her cheeks sent your heart racing. “(Y/N)? Everything alright? I mean, I know, it must be annoying to hear me gush about him all the time,” she asks with a small laugh.

“Yeah, fine, no, that’s okay. You like him, right?”

“I do! But, I mean, we haven’t really labeled our relationship yet because, I mean, I’m still getting to know him,” she continued on. Her voice, though melodious to you always, drowned out in the sea of your thoughts. “Oh, shoot, (Y/N), I lost track of time, I have to head out,” she glances at her phone, the lone notification on it telling you everything you needed to know. “Same time next week?” She asks.

“Yeah, I’m always free,” you nodded. 

“Do you want me to walk you to your car? I know you don’t like to be alone,” she says it with a painful jab. But it was the truth. You hated walking alone as much as you hated being alone but, still, you shook your head.

“I think I’ll stay here for a bit longer.”

“Sounds good, get home safe, (Y/N)!” She packs her things.

“You too. Bye,” you waved and watched her go, leaving you sitting in the café. Goodbye.

That’s how you said goodbye to your first love.

The time was 2:30 pm in the afternoon. In a quiet café, seated at the counter near the very back, and with no more patrons than fingers on one of your hands. You could hear coffee brewing behind you, and the playlist of the day was soft jazz. The cup just a finger away had long gotten cold, forgotten as you listened to your friend’s love story, and your tablet just minutes from dying. You looked down at your notes and read through a few lines, but you didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know what to think. You were heartbroken, sure, you had to be. Your first love, the person you had fallen in love with years before and the person who you continued to love, had found someone else. Someone else who made her smile wider than before, someone else who she found herself thinking of at random points of the day, and someone else who made her feel happier than before. And that someone wasn’t you. It was your fault, really. How could she ever come to love you if you’ve never in mustered the courage to even come out to her? You couldn’t breeze through love with another woman the same way you could with another man.

You were so happy for her, she deserved this so much. But, god, when will it be your turn?

You turned your tablet off and started to pack your things. Might as well go home, then. You only agreed to go out today because she was the one who asked.

“Thank you,” you nodded your head toward the barista before heading out. It was only six in the evening, but still the sun had long set. People moved around you, couples, families, and friends alike. You pulled your hood over your backpack and started to move toward your car. Once you got there, you sat at the driver’s seat and locked your doors. Your keys remained in your hand, however, and instead of starting the car, you relaxed against your seat and sighed.

That was truly the end, wasn’t it? You checked your phone and saw the message from her. She arrived home safely. You smiled, but quickly caught yourself as you liked her message and tossed your phone on the passenger’s seat.

You said goodbye to your first love, and now you can focus on her friendship instead. Good for you, and good for her.

~

“I thought you said that dating apps weren’t your thing, (Y/N),” your classmate chimes.

“Eh, figured I’d give it a shot,” you continued to mindlessly swipe. It was true, you were more into meeting people “organically” but, well with today’s day and age, this seemed to be the more sufficient way to do things. Your classmate peered over your shoulder and you turned the screen away from him, but not before he could see who you’d hesitated over.

“Whoa, (Y/N), I didn’t know you swung for that team,” he says, disappointment in his voice.

“I mean… yeah, I like girls and guys, so what?” You shrugged, turning your phone off instead. The confession felt weird. Had you ever said it before? No, not really, you were just annoyed that the first person you technically came out to was a boy you’d just met a few minutes earlier.

“Then, why don’t we go out on a date then?” He teases.

“I’m not really into dating right now,” you said.

“Then why are you on Tinder?” He asks.

“Just cuz,” you shrugged. You just didn’t want to date him. Before he could respond, the sounds of rustling backpacks signaled the end of class. “See you next week,” you chucked your things into your bag before rushing off. You didn’t want to delve into a conversation you didn’t have time for, much less with someone who gave you massive icks with everything he said. While you made your way to your next lecture, you opened your phone again, looking at the profile you’d just hovered over.

Somi Douma, 21. She had a few pictures you could tap through. She’s really pretty, you had to admit that much. Pisces, in college, looking for something short but open to long, love language is touch, not into smoking, not into drugs. Her profile was so much like the others you’d swiped left on before, but something really stood out to you on it. You swiped right on it.

It's a match! You felt your heart stop. You? She swiped right on you before? No way. Not with the random, half a year old selfies you chose to populate your profile with. You didn’t even look all that good in them what with no makeup or fancy hairdos. You put your phone away and rushed to lecture. You couldn’t understand the cold feet you suddenly got, shouldn’t you feel some sort of validation? Some kind of joy from getting a match? You swallowed harshly. Had you ever gone on a date with another woman before? Had you ever gone on a date before? You squeezed your hands together and entered your next lecture, taking the first seat you found open.

“Hey, (Y/N),” your study group finds you easily and your first friend, Keeho, was the one to call out to you. Then three others took their seats around you. “Everything alright?” He asks you.

“Uh, yeah,” you answered vaguely. You chewed on the inside of your cheek. “Just worried about how I’m going to study for this class,” you mumbled. Keeho eyed you wearily, but decided to leave the subject. Maybe it was you being full of yourself, but you could swear you saw the admiration in his eyes. It was the same way you’d look at your first love but you knew for a fact that you didn’t even want to try anything with him. It was hard enough to make friends in college, you could only imagine how hard it would be to lose them. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you stole a quick glance. Big mistake on your part, the ‘Tinder’ tag line and the simple ‘New Message from Somi’ nearly sent you into cardiac arrest. You put your phone away and covered the lower half of your face with your hand, but this didn’t go unnoticed to your other friend.

“(Y/N)?” Yeji places a hand on your shoulder. “All good?” She asks.

“Just fine,” you told her with a heated face and a racing heart. You didn’t expect either of you to make the first move, granted, and you definitely didn’t expect to see a message just minutes after you matched together, it was too sudden. Making that account was supposed to be a joke, a spur of the moment thing you did with your friend, the same one you’d crushed on before and the one you’re one sidedly getting over too. You never expected to use this app seriously, and you definitely didn’t expect to find someone at all.

“Earth to (Y/N),” Jaemin leaned down and waved his hand, pulling you back into reality. “Your shit’s in the way,” he eyes your backpack.

“Oh, shit, sorry, Jaem,” you pulled your bag into your lap and, ahh there it went, your phone landed on the floor and the screen lit up, the Tinder notification taunting you, but you were fast to pick it up while everyone was preoccupied talking to Jaemin about the content in today’s lecture.

Close call, you shook your head and joined in with them.

But why did you even feel shame about it in the first place?

~

You looked at the lone notification on your phone sent now six hours ago. You didn’t know what to do with it. You didn’t think that anyone would swipe on your profile, much less someone as attractive as her. But you steeled yourself, laying down in your bedroom, you tapped on the notif and Tinder opened right up.

‘Hi, I’m Somi! I see we matched :) Why don’t we get to know each other better? 20 questions?’

You typed out a response.

‘Hi! I’m (Y/N). I’d love to get to know you better, I’m down. Should I ask the first question?’

‘Yeah, shoot!’ Her response was immediate and you thought for a second.

‘Are you bisexual too?’  It was missing from her profile, her sexuality you mean. But, to be fair, so was yours.

‘Lesbian, actually. How about you?’

‘That counts as a question! I’m bi… I think.’

‘You think? You just asked if I was.’

‘I’m not sure yet.’ There was a pause before her response.

‘Do you want to find out?’

‘I mean… yeah.’

‘Haha, you’re cute! Okay, I think I see why you joined this app now lol. After this game, wanna meet up?’

You looked around your bedroom. You were a commuter student, and one who, of course, couldn’t fucking drive. 

“(Y/N)!” Your mom’s voice was sudden. “Dinner’s downstairs!”

“I’ll be there, mom!” You answered back. You looked at your phone.

‘Sure, maybe not today, though, I’m already at home.’

‘? Do you commute?’

‘Yeah, I’m like twenty ish miles away from my campus.’

‘Ohhh, where do you go to school?’

‘BLU! You?’

‘No wayyyyy same!’

You paused. She was closer than you thought.

‘What major?’

‘Mathematics. You?’

‘Biochemistry.’

‘Whoaaaa I’ve matched with a genius, huh?’

‘Math’s cool, though, I could never, I lose my mind over trig alone!’

‘Same, lol! But still, it’s crazy to think that we’re so close.’

‘I know! What year? If you don’t mind me asking.’

‘It’s one of your 20, so why not lol? I’m a third year. You?’

‘Aha… first year…’

‘Whoaaaaaa so you’re fresh into the college scheme, huh?’

‘A little, yeah.’

‘Aww, I remember when I first started out too! Hey, if you’re comfortable with it then we should meet up!’

Again, you stopped typing. Was this how dating was supposed to go about? Then again, she was looking for something casual, so you had to take that into account, and you wanted to know if your loveless life was due to you pursuing the wrong gender this whole time. All of grade school you’d gone without once being liked romantically, and to those flitting crushes you did garner the courage for they all laughed at your confessions, was this really your only chance at feeling wanted? You placed your phone on your chest and sighed, but then you felt it vibrate once more.

‘If it’s too soon don’t worry about it! We’re basically strangers, is all, and I’d like to get to know you better. Your profile says that you’re looking for something short and casual, right?’

‘Uh… yeah. To be honest I wasn’t 100% sure what it meant.’

‘Aww! A freshman indeed! Do you want the full graphic answer?’

You felt your face start to burn up. She sent you another message before you could type anything more.

‘I mean, it doesn’t have to be sexual. We can do cuddle buddies instead.’ You didn’t even think it had anything to do with sex. Short and casual? You had no idea what that would have entailed at all. Even with some thought into it you couldn’t piece it together.

‘Cuddle buddies?’

‘Yeah. It’s like FWB except without the sex lol.’ Never mind, you knew exactly what ‘short and casual’ meant now.

‘Well…’

‘You’re an adult, right? Your profile says so but I just want to be sure.’

‘I am!’

‘Okay! Just checking! But it’s up to you. Then again, you can just delete this convo and pretend that nothing happened.’

‘I don’t want to do that…’

‘Okay then! Just let me know, don’t leave me hanging, (Y/N)! Plus, you seem so chill compared to others on this app so I’d like to at least be friends!’

‘Yeah, ofc! I’ll have to text you later tho, to finish the game, I mean!’

‘Yeah, no prob! I’ll text you later <;3’

And the conversation ended. You placed your phone on the nightstand next to you and rolled over in your blankets. Something casual? Friendship? Something… sexual? You shuddered. You didn’t even think about it that way. You were still a virgin, no experience, no thoughts, you’d never really paid too much mind to doing anything like that. Well, you’d done some masturbation here and there, who hasn’t by this age? But nothing with another person. Your face was burning up now, something you tried to cool down by turning your pillow over and laying face down on it.

“(Y/N)?” Your mom calls you down again. “Dinner!”

“I’ll be there!” You answered.

There’s the other problem. You’re not out to anyone, well, except for that stranger who wouldn’t leave you alone earlier. What would your parents think of you? They worked so hard to help you get to where you are today, they are working so hard to help you achieve your dreams, what would they think of you if you told them this? As much as you loved your parents, and truly you did, you knew their thoughts and opinions on homosexuality and how its representation is being handled in today’s age. The words of your mother rang clear.

‘Honey, it’s okay if you are, but I’d prefer you not to be.’ And you stood by those words all your life. Such a small statement that she said to you when your best friend came out, and one that you hardly talk to anymore. She said that to you when you were in middle school and now here you were, in college, and probably, most likely, very gay. Who the hell says that to a thirteen year old anyway?

Well, actually, your mom apparently. You couldn’t blame her, though, considering the state of politics at that time. She was a mother who was afraid of what would happen to her daughter for being who she was, and you couldn’t fault her for that intention, you could only fault her for the execution.

Then, rapid knocks at your door lead you to shove your phone under your pillow just in time for it to swing open.

“Hey! Mom’s calling us! Let’s go before she comes up here,” your younger sibling urges you to follow.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you scrambled off your bed and ran downstairs, leaving your phone behind.

~

“Okay, just something casual, cuddle buddies, yup, just something casual, cuddle buddies, mmhmm,” you recited to yourself.

The time was 12:00 pm in the afternoon. The sun was high in the sky and the air was heavy with a dry heat. And here you were, standing in front of an apartment unit. You started having second thoughts, was it really a good idea to play into dating app culture? Was it a good idea to agree to meet up with Somi in person? What if you’d just been catphished? What if she’s a crazy axe murderer looking for her next victim? What if you just didn’t vibe with her in person versus through text? Was it too late to turn around and say that you couldn’t find her apartment? Well, yes, you did ring the doorbell already so there was no way you could turn back now.

Then, as soon as the door in front of you opened, you felt your mind blank.

“Hi! Uh…” The woman who opened the door looked you up and down before snapping her fingers, “(Y/N), right?”

“Yup, that’s me,” you answered in a higher tone.

‘Kill me now,’ your internal thoughts shouted at you.

“Wow, I knew you were cuter in person,” Somi laughs. “Come in, come in, but leave your shoes by the door in here too,” she points to the shoe rack absently while walking in. You followed her close behind, pausing only to slip your converse off, and continuing on. “I know, it’s a small place, but at least I have it to myself,” she speaks up. “How was the drive here?”

“Oh, uh, I walked actually.”

“You walked?!” She turned to you briefly with a shocked look on her face. “It’s, like, a hundred degrees outside!”

“Yeah, but, uh, I was on campus so it was just easier,” you shrugged.

“Hold on, hon, let me get you some water! You can sit wherever,” she gestured broadly and walked into the kitchen. You took the liberty of sitting down on the couch while you watched her move about from the other side of the counter, from pulling a glass from the upper cabinet to pouring a bottle of water from next to the fridge. You heard the cubes of ice clink against the glass as she walked back to you and placed it on the coffee table in front of you, just inches away from some fashion magazine she had. “So… tell me about yourself,” she says with a light tone.

“Oh, um…” This felt a little strange. Normally, weren’t first dates in cafes or bookstores? Come to think of it, you vaguely remembered a PSA saying something about not going to stranger’s houses for first dates. Was this a good idea? Did you make a good choice? What were you doing here again? Why? Huh? You felt like you’d enclosed yourself and built up another wall. You were afraid of opening up to this woman, this person you’d just met. Why did you think it was a good idea to come into her home? Dense. It’s like you forgot all the Crime Watch Dailys and 20/20 episodes your mom made you watch with her.

“(Y/N)?”

“Oh, um,” you repeated yourself and shook your head. “Sorry,” you shook your head.

“No, no, it’s okay!” She waved her hand in front of her. “You’re new to this kind of thing, huh?” She asks.

“Yeah… very,” you admitted. “I’m sorry, I know you were probably expecting something else but…”

“No, it’s fine!” She reassures you. “To be honest, I’m not too experienced either. I actually recently moved here! I transferred to BLU this year,” she says.

“Oh? From where?”

“I was raised in Korea, actually,” she nods.

“Korea? Wow!” You commented. “So why did you transfer here then? That States are so far away,” you shook your head slightly.

“Aw, you know, the usual! I wanted to get out and be independent from my parents for a bit, go on an adventure, and, hell why not, get my degree while doing it,” she says. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love them a lot! And they were really supportive of me coming out here so I have to be grateful, but, you know how it goes.”

“I do, I do, I wish I tried harder to convince my parents to let me move out for at least a year,” you shook your head.

“Oh! You’re commuting?”

“Yup, and, of course, I don’t have my license so that’s probably why they encouraged me to stay home too,” you sighed with a slight eye roll.

“Awh, but that’s so sweet that your parents care like that,” she says.

“Yeah, I guess,” you nodded slightly and you rubbed your arms up and down. “So, uh, why math?” You changed the subject.

“Oh, I’m terrible at it, like, really really bad at math,” she laughs, “but I love a challenge! And math is such a challenge, my god, I have fun with it so I decided to major in it,” she says. “And you? Biochemistry is a toughie.”

“God, you don’t even know,” you held your head with one hand before letting it fall to your lap again. Somehow, you found yourself relaxing into this conversation, any awkwardness you felt earlier started to fall away. “I’m on the premed route, actually, and biochem was just that fastest way to complete my pre-reqs,” you explained.

“Oo, premed? That’s cool!” She whistles. “You always wanted to be a doctor?”

“I mean, I guess, I had a phase where I wanted to be an astronaut, actually.”

“Didn’t we all?” She laughs. “Well, I wanted to be a stewardess for a while, but then I realized I hate flying,” she shakes her head.

“I found out I had motion sickness so I tossed that idea out really quickly,” you laughed along with her while holding your glass of water. The ice had long melted already and all that was left was the cool condensation surrounding the glass.

“You know what, (Y/N), you’re really cool,” she says softly. “I’m glad we matched.”

“Me too, it’s been kind of rough meeting new people since I started here a couple weeks ago,” you nodded.

“Yeah, that’s right, I haven’t really found my crowd either. I have groups here and there, but no one I’d definitely call a ‘good’ friend,” she says. Did you even have one? Well, the closest would be that study group you had now, the bonds from orientation apparently are very strong. “But, I dunno, you seem sweet so I’m sure people will gravitate toward you,” she smiles.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah!” She says with a wide smile. “Say, why don’t we finish up that game? We still have a couple questions left.”

“Sounds good, you can go first,” you invited her.

“Nice,” she thinks for a moment, “when was your first kiss?” She asks. You drank some of your water.

“You can’t laugh.”

“I won’t!”

“Two months ago,” you said after taking a deep breath.

“Two?!” She gasps. You nodded curtly. “Whoa…”

“And you?”

“Middle school, on accident, I slipped on the wet floor and fell on top of this guy,” she laughed.

“Holy shit, that sounds like it’d hurt! For me it was in orientation. My roommate was a lesbian and she asked if me or out third liked girls too and I told her I wasn’t sure so she asked if I wanted to find out and I said yeah and… well, here I am,” you explained.

“Wow… and you’ll never know if she was a good kisser.”

“I didn’t hate it!”

“But you have no one to go on,” Somi reasons. She wasn’t wrong. You weren’t 100% sure how you were supposed to go about a kiss anyway, you just let your roommate at the time take control and you went with it. “Okay, okay, let’s settle it down a little. Coffee or tea?”

“Coffee, definitely.”

“Right, biochem.”

“You?”

“I’ve really been into tea lately!”

“Right, math,” you laughed.

“Hey! It’s good for you,” she fires back. “Okay, hm, what do you think of me so far?”

“I think you’re very nice,” you answered. “But, I’ll be honest, I was a little worried when you asked me to meet you at your apartment,” you admitted. “Respectfully, I barely know you.”

“No, you’re right! As soon as I sent that text I was like ‘God! What was I thinking?’ and here you are!” She gestures toward you. “I’m glad you agreed, though, I hope I’m not too awkward.”

“You? Awkward?” You were in disbelief. She’d only been sweet and, if anything, she’s carrying the conversation. “I’m sorry for being awkward,” you corrected.

“Oh, please, I just thought you were being polite,” she says. “Say, I don’t want to ruin the mood or anything, but were you serious about cuddle buddies?”

Whoops, you forgot about that.

“I mean… I’m down to try it,” and suddenly you felt your walls building again. “But could you run by me what we’d be doing again?” You asked, diverting your eyes only slightly before looking at her again.

“Sure, we’d just be cuddling,” she explains. “No strings attached, we’d just call or text one another when we need some affection and then voila, we cuddle,” she continues.

“That’s it?”

“Yup. I mean, unless you want something more out of it, but I’m perfectly fine with just keeping it as friendly cuddling.”

Friendly? Were you even looking for something romantic? Was she? Were you? Did you even know how to notice those cues?

“Did you want something romantic?” You asked. She thought for a moment.

“To be honest… not right now,” she shook her head. “I’m still getting into the swing of things in this new university, but at the same time, I, uh…” she trails off while she squeezes her arms. “I don’t know. Haven’t you had times where you just wanted to be held?”

Of course.

“Yeah, I get it, we can do that then, cuddle buddies,” you answered.

“Okay then! The deal is set,” she nods.

“I might be awkward at first, though, I have to admit I’ve never really cuddled anyone before.”

“Really? Oh, (Y/N), you’re missing out!” She says. “I mean, we don’t have to try it today, but I’m just saying, it’s a really nice experience.”

“I’ll hold you to that, then,” you glanced at your watch, something she easily caught onto.

“I didn’t mean to keep you if you had anything,” she mumbled.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I just um… can’t drive, so my parents pick me up,” you explained. “So I should probably start heading back to campus,” you cleared your throat.

“Yeah, I get it! Have a safe walk back and thanks again for agreeing to meet with me! I’ll walk you to the door,” she says before following you up. “We’ll text later?”

“Of course,” you nodded and she opened the door for you.

“Bye, now!”

“See you.” She waved at you one last time before closing the door. Afterwards, you pivoted on your heel and walked off toward the apartment’s staircase, a strange warm feeling enveloping in your chest and a small smile on your face.

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the train wreck you were afraid it’d be, actually, you’d say it went really well. Then, as you reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped out of the complex, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You shot a quick glance at it.

‘Heyyy! Look up behind you!’ You did so and Somi waved at you from her balcony. You waved back with a smile and she pointed to her phone again before shooting you another message. This time it was a picture of her schedule, something which you responded with a picture of your own as you walked off, chancing another look back to see her waiting for you to go. Again, you waved, and she waved back. Then, with you back turned to her, you continued down the sidewalk back to campus.

In no time at all, you were at the pickup area, spotting your dad’s car waiting for you. As soon as he saw you approaching, he moved out of the driver’s seat and into the passenger side and you felt your shoulders slump. It’s not that you dreaded these mini driving lessons, it’s more like it was too hot for you to even think about them.

Then again, if you got your license sooner, maybe you’d be able to meet up with Somi more? That’d be nice, you really enjoyed your time with her earlier.

“How was you day?” Your dad asked as soon as you slid into the car. Amazing.

“Good and… hot,” you answered while putting your seatbelt on. “Why’d you ask?”

“You just look like something good happened,” he answered. You pulled the car out of park and into drive. “Check your mirrors.”

“Oh, right,” you adjusted them.

“Always put the car on ‘park’ before you do that. Your car might roll forward.”

“Right, right.”

“And always step on the brake pedal too.”

“Got it, dad.”

“Look over your shoulder before you go.”

“I know.”

The extent of all your conversations with him have just been this. Driving. You were grateful he was teaching you but sometimes it felt so hard to talk to him about anything else.

~ You both continued to text back and forth after that. But you hadn’t met up, no, the extent of your friendship had been exchanged via Tinder. More and more questions back and forth, the occasional TikTok, and every now and then the late night texts asking each other seemingly pointless questions, and it was like that for almost two weeks. Your schedules actually lined up really well, given the two year difference, and a lot of gaps between your classes lined up with hers. So it wasn’t like you couldn’t meet up, more like neither of you had the opportunity or maybe either of you were too shy to make the first move after that initial meeting.

“Holy shit that lecture was so boring,” Yeji yawned next to you.

“Don’t even get me started,” Keeho rubbed his tired face.

“God, it’s only week four,” you muttered into your hands. “Is Jaemin still with us?” You looked over at the fourth member of the study group, but he walked along silently with his eyes glued forward.

“Nope,” Keeho laughs. “Let’s go get some coffee. (Y/N) you’re down to study with us after English, right?” He asks.

“Uh… let me ask,” you pulled your phone out, sending a quick text to your mom asking to stay longer to study with them. Her response was near immediate, green lighting it for you. “Yeah, I’m good to go. Where are we studying at?”

“Probably the Sciences Library,” Yeji answers.

“Sounds like a plan,” you nodded. “You guys grabbing lunch?”

“I’m down,” Keeho shrugs.

“I’m hungry,” Jaemin adds.

“Darn, I have econ, I’ll meet you guys after if you’re still together!” Yeji says.

“Yeah, okay,” you waved at her while she bounded off toward her next lecture hall.

“Let’s eat, I have meal swipes if you guys want to go to the dorms,” Keeho pulls his ID out.

“Sure, I’ll follow you there,” Jaemin nods. “(Y/N)?”

“Um…” You’d seen enough Crime Watch Daily to know this was probably a bad idea. Not that you didn’t trust them, but they were two guys significantly more built than you taking you to a dorm room.

“We could always just eat on campus if the walk’s too far,” Keeho, seemingly sensing your unease, came up with the alternative.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” you agreed.

“Nice, I’ve been wanting to try that pizza place anyway,” he leads the way and the two of you follow behind. “We have five hours until English, god,” he slumps his shoulders. “Talk about a waste of time.”

“I usually spend these gaps napping in my dorm, but I always end up sleeping in,” Jaemin yawns. “I bet you have it harder though, (Y/N), you commute.”

“Yeah, I can’t even go home because by the time I get there I’ll have to go back to campus. I usually just spend these gaps in the library,” you walked faster to keep pace with them.

“Shoot, I should be doing that too,” Keeho whines.

“What have you been doing, Keeho?”

“Spacing out,” he cries. “How are you two studying?”

“Good faith,” Jaemin answers.

“Notes revisions,” you sighed.

“Oh, good, I thought I was too far behind,” Keeho holds the door open for the both of you now as you enter the food hub. He checks his phone as he closes the door, skimming over the flurry of texts that filled his screen. “Damn, there’s a meeting for dance club soon, I completely forgot,” he shakes his head.

“How soon? Are you still studying with us later?” You ask.

“Uh… yeah, I should be able to study with you all for like… an hour,” his eyes move up in thought.

“Hell, we need you, Keeho! You’re the only one who knows what’s going on!” You exclaimed.

“Not even, I’m as average as everyone else,” he retaliates. Jaemin says something next, but whatever it was you weren’t paying attention. No, you were more preoccupied with the girl who was waiting next to the Chinese food station. Somi’s eyes were glued to her phone, and every so now and then when she scrolled the charm attached to it would hit her bracelet. She looked up at her phone briefly and made eye contact with you and you smiled, and she waved, and you waved back. “Earth to (Y/N), we need to come up with a study plan,” Keeho pulls you out of your thoughts and follows your gaze, seeing nothing, he refocuses back on the trio.

“Study plan, right,” you glanced at Somi, who was one again focused on her phone. “Why don’t we go old school and start with unit one?”

“I will kill myself if I have to read one more passage about the cell’s organelles,” Jaemin deadpans.

“How about we stick to the study questions then?” Keeho offers. The conversation continues, but instead you look to your side again, watching Somi pick up her food, wave at you once, then leave before you could wave back.

God, was that it? Was that the only in-person experience you’d had with her over these past weeks? That’s kind of pathetic. You started drawing scribbles with your finger against the table while resting your chin on your other hand. You’d spent all day today, yesterday, and probably will again tomorrow just thinking about her. Through your exchanged texts you started associating her with everything. Even reading the word ‘Hazelnut’ under the Lattes section of the campus café made you think about her. What was she doing now? On her schedule it said she was in some advanced mathematics lab in an hour, so there’s that.

You barely even noticed the day pass by until English lecture had ended, leaving the four of you in the library to study for your bio quiz tomorrow together.

“Oh, shoot,” Yeji silences her phone as soon as it blared.

“What’s up?” You asked.

“I gotta run to the apartment, my hell roommate is stirring the pot again,” she rolls her eyes. “Sorry, guys, I have to run and make sure she doesn’t break shit again,” Yeji grabs her scooter leaning against the bookshelf. “I’ll definitely study with you all tomorrow, though!” Yeji waves goodbye before she rushes off.

“Shit… I would hate to have a roommate like that,” Keeho shudders.

“The fact that she had to take off like that must mean that it’s serious,” Jaemin shakes his head.

“It’s okay, she’s got a good grasp on the content, I guess,” you skimmed through the textbook again. You, on the other hand, do not have a good grasp on the content.

“Actually, I gotta run too,” Keeho starts packing his things. “Dance club.”

“Ah, right! Good luck, Keeho!” You said.

“Thanks, I’ll catch you guys later!” Then he was off too. Jaemin sighed and readjusted his glasses before looking down at his iPad.

‘And then there were two,’ you wanted to joke, but to be honest you didn’t really know Jaemin all that well. You, Yeji, and Keeho went back to orientation, but Jaemin had joined the group rather recently at Keeho’s recommendation. Sure, he was the newest addition, and you had to admit that you didn’t hate spending time with him, he knew his stuff and you didn’t. He was quiet when you first met him, but now he had this teasing edge to him that you didn’t think you’d see. Still, though, that’s all you knew about him. You didn’t want to say it was awkward but…

“Is there something wrong?” He asks.

“Oh, no, nothing,” you shook your head. You didn’t even know you were staring.

Aw, hell, this is awkward.

“(Y/N)?” His voice was low to not disturb the other patrons.

“Yeah?”

“Real quick, what did you get on the respiration question? I just want to double check my math.”

“Oh, uh… 132,” you answered.

“Okay, I got the same,” you heard him scribble something on his iPad. Your phone buzzed on the table next to your textbook and you flipped it over, spotting the text from Somi.

‘Hey, are you busy rn?’ You answered right away.

‘Just studying, why?’

‘R u on campus?’

‘Yeah’

‘Think you can come over? If not, though, that’s okay!’ You read the text over again. She wants you to come over? Well, you did tell your parents that you were studying today but you didn’t want to leave Jaemin on his own, that felt a little rude. Then again, he does live on campus so he could easily go home after this.

‘Everything alright?’ You glanced over at Jaemin, who was engrossed in whatever he was doing.

‘Yeah’ was all she sent, but she was quick to send another. ‘No’ You looked at the time again, you had until 9 when your parents came to pick you up.

“Hey.”

“Jaemin?” You both spoke at the same time, both of your expressions surprised. His glasses slid down the bridge of his nose and he pushed them back up while clearing his throat.

“You first,” he insists.

“Sure, um, I just got a text from my parents, turns out I have to leave earlier than I thought,” you lied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to leave you alone and all, but you know how it goes.”

“Yeah, I get it, we’ll probably figure something out in the group chat,” he shrugs. “See you tomorrow.”

“Wait, what were you going to say?”

“Nothing important,” he shakes his head. “Get home safe.”

“You too,” you grabbed your things and walked off in the direction toward Somi’s apartment. This marked the second time you’d been there, and although it was straight shot from campus you still had to double check Maps to be sure you were going the right way. Your feet moved quickly, whether that was because you wanted to see her again or because you were worried, and maybe it was both, you moved with purpose. Wait, never mind, it was the anxiety. You looked every which way while you walked and you occasionally looked over your shoulder, something which would send you into momentary embarrassment when you made eye contact with some random passerby that you knew for a fact wasn’t stalking you. And before you knew it you were scrolling through contacts on your phone, but then a new anxiety hit.

You didn’t know who to call. Or, rather, you had no one to call. Yeji was a no, the worst case scenario is that you call her while her and her roommate were caught up in some intense screaming match, which has happened to you before. Keeho was a no too, he was at dance club and you didn’t want to bother him. All of your high school friends were off limits too, you knew that none of them would answer, you’re not a priority anymore after somehow becoming the low maintenance friend. It probably wasn’t a good idea to call Somi right now, plus, you’d see her in a few minutes anyway. So that left one person.

Jaemin.

But were you even close enough to do that? Close enough to call him and ask him something as simple as just staying on the line? You’d laugh if you were him. So, instead, you toughed it out. You tried to control your breathing, you tried to stay focused in front of you, and you tried to keep yourself calm. But at all times your hands clutched onto your pepper spray, your knuckles whitening from the pressure and your palms aching from it too.

Her apartment couldn’t have been any closer. You knew the walk was only ten minutes at the most but it felt like hours for you and, as soon as you’d knocked on her door, she opened it after your first knock and you felt your heart drop. There were tears in her eyes and down her face, her hair had been pulled at and tugged every which way, and her hands shook when they clasped against each other. She looked at you for only a moment longer before she shook her head and brought her hands up to either side of her head, them shaking more than before, and she shook her head again. You locked the door behind you and stepped forward, doing what you thought was right, and wrapped your arms around her shoulders to bring her head against your neck. Quietly, she sobbed. Her body shook against yours and you held her tighter while you rubbed her back gently. She held you even tighter, just like you were the only person grounding her.

But you really didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know if you should be doing anything else other than holding her like this, or if you should even be holding her a certain way. But one thing you did know, however, was that she definitely needed someone right now. And the way she started to wobble in her stance you knew it’d be better for her to sit down. So, you led her to the couch and told her that you’d be back, then you traced her steps when you first came to her apartment. You pulled out a glass from the top cabinet, some ice from the freezer, and you poured water from the water bottle next to the fridge before placing it in front of her and sitting by her side. Slowly, her head falls on your shoulder, and you readjust yourself on the couch so that you could pull her close to you while she cried.

Was this the time for you to ask her what was wrong? Should you even pry?

“I’m sorry,” she says between muted sobs.

“Don’t apologize,” you told her. “Did you want to talk about it?” She shook her head and you nodded.

“Just… stay like this for a while,” she says. You nodded again and you felt her shift so that she was more comfortable under you. “You can put something on too, if you want,” she says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I like the white noise,” she responds while she hands you the remote. You flipped through Netflix looking for really anything to watch, then you noticed the series of half watched nature documentaries on her Recently Watched. Without more thought to it, you selected Our Planet and started it from the beginning.

The time was 5:00 pm in the evening. You had four hours to be with her and to make sure she was alright, and you had no idea how fast time would go while you were sitting on this couch with her watching some generic nature documentary. But, slowly, as the documentary continued she began to comment more on the animals and their narrator, and just as slowly you relaxed into your position and your arms felt more natural around her almost like they’d always meant to be there.

~

It was like a domino effect after that. She called you over more often now, sometimes just to talk and sometimes to not talk at all, then there was the routine of watching whatever nature documentary either of you could find for the remainder of your time together. Your parents applauded you and very near bragged about you to their family members about how “studious” you were staying behind at school to work with your study group and, hey, as long as you kept your grades up you could keep this charade going. Besides, it’s not like your parents knew who you really were anyway, and it’s not like you’d ever tell them either.

Leading to now, while you laid your head down on Somi’s chest, usually it’s the other way around but you figured you’d try it this way once and, good god she was right. One of her hands was on your arm and the other held the remote. Today was the first day you initiated, you asked her first if you could come over to her apartment and she said yes, thank god. You didn’t want to impose but today you felt like you just had to see her. Today you felt like you wanted to be the one held rather than being the one who did the holding.

“Oh, what do you think of this one, (Y/N)?” She asks. The cursor was hovered over a documentary about the oceans.

“Sure, honestly, I’m a little tired anyway…” you mumbled.

“Ah, so good white noise then, huh?” She nuzzles her head against yours and presses play before tossing the remote to the side. “How was your day?” You relaxed into her chest.

“Good… good…”

“Doesn’t sound good,” she comments.

“I mean…” you thought back to your argument with your mom. Then you thought about how you lied to her, and how you’d been lying to her. She just told you that you were staying out too late, that you’d been “studying” enough, and you lied to her and said that you needed to study more, but the truth was that you’d been coming here. You’d been coming here during your gaps between lectures, you’d been coming here when you weren’t studying with your friends, and you’d even been coming here in your dreams. Always here, and always with her. Your heart raced whenever you saw her name on your phone and your heart pounded whenever you saw something that reminded you of her. But you wanted to keep a good thing good. Besides, it’s not like you were expecting anything from her. She never told you about her troubles so why would you tell her about yours? “I don’t really want to talk about it right now,” you squeezed her gently and you heard her sigh.

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” she conceded. The narrator of the documentary drowned out to you while you took your time to just be in the moment. The sun had long set and you’d been here for a while now, having come straight here right after your study session. Your dad told you much earlier to text him when you wanted him to come pick you up but you didn’t want to go home.

And that’s what you texted him a few hours ago.

‘Dad, I’m staying over at a friend’s apartment to study. You remember her, right? We studied together all the time in high school.’ You felt bad for using your longtime crush for this.

‘You should come home.’

‘I have an important exam tomorrow.’

‘Ask your mom.’

You ended up not doing that. Besides, she has your location anyway, yet another reason why you had that argument with her.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself and just above you Somi started to hum a small tune. Your breath stilled for a brief moment, feeling like the tune was more delicate than a thin pane of glass and that your thoughts were a large speaker waiting to be turned on. Quietly, you listened to the rest of the song as if it was the only thing you could hear and you felt yourself relax. You always loved being here, it was like a world away from the one you come from. A place where you know you are heard and listened to, a place where you could be yourself without fear of judging eyes and whispering lips.

“What song is that?” You asked her.

“Just a tune I used to hear a lot when I was younger,” Somi says. “I used to have this music box back at home, it was a small one made of wood and when you opened it there was the white flower that would spin around in front of a mirror that was on the lid. Technically, it was my mom’s, but I would always wind it up when I saw it. I just thought it was so pretty,” she says. “Then she would tell me this story about how my dad got it for her and what it all meant and all that romantic crap,” she added with a laugh.

“Don’t leave me hanging now,” you made a move to slip away from her but there was that slight tug back from her and you stayed in your position, “what’s the story?”

“It’s a classic. Back when they were just dating, my mom and dad had met in one of those love at first sight meet-cutes. But my mom had to come back to Korea while my dad stayed behind in Canada so he bought her that music box and a matching one for himself. They made a promise to play it at the same time every day. For my dad, it was the first thing he did in the morning. For my mom, it was the last thing she did before she slept.”

“That is so romantic,” you sighed. Imagine a kind of love like that, one that transcended distance and grew stronger because of it, and even the commitment to incorporate something as simple as winding up a music box into one’s daily routine was already a movie-worthy act of love in your book.

“I mean… yeah, my parents were the hopeless romantic types,” she says.

“Hey, um… you’re sure I can stay over, right?” You asked her.

“Yeah, of course,” she nods. “You can take the bed, I’ll sleep here.”

“Wait, but are you sure? I can sleep on this couch, not like I haven’t before,” you insisted.

“Well, yeah, but those were just because of your fucked sleep schedule, (Y/N), but since you’re actually staying over I want to treat you like a proper guest,” she says. “Actually, let me get you a change of clothes real quick,” she separates from you and disappears into her room. You, meanwhile, turned to the TV, but you couldn’t stay focused on whatever was playing, being too preoccupied with the realization of wow. You’re staying the night at Somi’s apartment and she was totally cool with it. Part of you wondered if she’d say yes if you’d ask her to sleep in bed with you and part of you wondered what it would be like to be in her arms for a whole night, but was that too much to ask? Was that a boundary that you shouldn’t cross? You felt yourself start to press down on your fingernails, a habit you’d developed instead once you realized how destructive biting your nails was.

You wondered if she was as anxious as you right now.

Was it just you or was she taking a while to come out?

You looked around the apartment and you just realized it now. There were traces of you all over. Small keepsakes of things in your favorite color, small things that you owned, and small things that you’ve gifted her. You were surprised to see them all adorning various spaces and you wondered why she chose to display them. Even the blanket that was between you and the couch was something you’d picked out for her when she sent you a picture of five different colors and asked which would’ve suited her style better.

And it was true for you as well. You’d been picking up and buying things that reminded you of her constantly. Things in her favorite color, things that she owned, and things she’s gifted you. If you just took a step back and looked at the both of you from an outside perspective you’d probably think that you were in love… and maybe you were.

“Sorry for the hold up, (Y/N),” Somi returned, changed into pajamas, and with an oversized tee and a pair of shorts and handed them to you. “You know where the bathroom is.”

“Yup, I’ll be back,” you walked off and closed the door behind you, catching yourself in the mirror. You rubbed the smudged makeup under your eye and shook your head. “God… but how could she be in love with a wreck like me?” You mumbled. You pulled your shirt over your head and paused for a moment longer, taking in your reflection once more. After a moment passed, you turned your back to the mirror and continued changing, and once you’d finished you folded your clothes neatly and walked back out to shove them into your backpack.

“Ooh, you look cozy,” she opens her arms and, once more, you found yourself nestled between them.

“And you feel cozy,” you responded.

“Oh, I definitely do now,” she grins. “Now, where were we in this show? God, I love manatees, they’re just so sweet.”

“I know! So friendshaped.”

“Absolutely friendshaped!” Somi gushed.

“I used to have this three-foot manatee plush that I’d sleep with when I was younger and when I tell you I brought that thing everywhere I mean it,” you recounted.

“Now that I can see you doing,” she shifts to be more comfortable. “You seem like a huge stuffed animal gal.”

“I need to show you my collection some time.”

“A collection?”

“Yes. I’ve never thrown out a stuffed toy since I was born.”

“Oh my god, you’re a hoarder.”

“Hey, not true! I just took Toy Story a little too seriously,” you defended.

“Okay, okay, that’s fair, I love Toy Story,” she concedes. “Actually… did you want to watch it?”

“Actually? Yeah, I’m down.”

“Nice, okay,” she stands up. “I have it on DVD, but the player is in my room, you cool with moving over there?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you nodded and followed her into her bedroom.

This was the first time you’d been in here. Unsurprisingly, her bedroom really screamed ‘Somi.’ The bedroom itself was similar to the rest of the apartment with it’s neutral tones and wooden furniture, off in the corner of the room was a full sized bed with a few select stuffed animals on it and off to another was a relatively simple PC set up with the TV mounted on the wall above it such that it faced the bed. There was a dresser and a clothes rack off in the other corner of the room and in the center was a round rug to fill in the space.

“Hey, you can come join me here now,” Somi pats the bed next to her and you sit down carefully. “What, I change up the scenery and you get all shy again?” She teases and you felt your face heat up.

“I mean… well,” you swallowed nervously. “No…” you finally pushed out and you moved closer to her. She turns the TV on and skips through the trailers before starting the movie. Were you getting shy again? True, you felt this lingering sense of awkwardness around you, but that was normal. Maybe being in her bedroom did change the mood a little, but you didn’t want to say anything and risk it all. The only thing you really cared about, though, was that this was so much more comfortable than the couch, and you were living for it. Every now and then you’d hear a small chuckle from her or a muted coo and it just sent your heart into a flurry. Secretly you hoped that she felt the same, but you knew better than to be selfish.

You didn’t even realize you’d fallen asleep until the sunlight danced over you the next morning. The space next to you was empty but there were signs of someone sleeping there earlier, and you could smell the faint aroma of pancakes.

Pancakes? Oh, she’s really spoiling you here.

You pushed yourself off of the bed and wandered back out of the room and spotted Somi at the stove, a stack of pancakes slowly growing on the counter next to her, and you quietly sat yourself at the counter while you watched her ministrations. You didn’t realize it until now, but she was very clean when it came to these things. Spilled pancake batter was wiped up immediately, her hands were kept washed the entire time, and the pancake stack was near pristine. The coffee machine next to you beeped and signaled that it was done.

“(Y/N), be a dear and pour some coffee for us,” she says without turning around.

“Yeah, sure,” you took the two mugs in front of it and prepared both of them. “Two sugars and cream, right?”

“That’s right,” she slides another pancake onto the stack while you added creamer into her mug. “I wasn’t sure which kind you liked, so I made blueberry pancakes and cinnamon ones too,” she says.

“Whoa, talk about boujee pancakes,” you teased.

“I just like to add a little bit of flair,” she takes the plate and turns around to place it between you both. “So, give it a taste,” she hands you a fork.

“They smell amazing,” you cut a piece and tried your first bite, “and they taste amazing too,” you were quick to go in for another.

“Thank you, thank you,” she holds down the pancake with her fork while you pull a piece off with yours. “Did you sleep well?”

“One of the best one’s I had in a while,” you covered your mouth with your hand as you spoke, mainly out of habit than anything. “How about you?”

“Ditto,” she nods. “I ended up falling asleep partway through the movie.”

“Same, I don’t even remember what the last scene I saw was.”

“Oh, hon, you fell asleep as soon as they got to Sid’s house.”

“Really? So you fell asleep after me then!”

“Pretty sure, yeah, you are so quiet when you’re asleep that I didn’t even realize I was the only one watching the movie.”

“Oh, dammit, we’re going to have to watch it again some time for sure then!”

“Next time you sleepover then,” she says.

“Definitely,” you answered without another thought.

The time was 9 in the morning. You knew that both of you had classes in two hours, but at that time it didn’t seem like either of you cared. Instead you were both more preoccupied with the person in front of them and how their eyes seemed to have a different shine in them than before, and there was also that new and slight upturn of one another’s lips that signaled a soft and sweet enjoyment that can only be found in the mornings when you are just barely awake, the first of what you hoped would be many.

~

And many it was. At this rate it was like you were living together with how often you stayed over. What was once only a few of your items became many. In the medicine cabinet next to the bathroom sink there were now two toothbrushes, the shelves were overflowing with various skincare products, the number of towels doubled, and suddenly the shampoo and conditioner bottles ran out faster. More food stocked the fridge and pantries, and the dishes piled faster than before. There was a slight and subtle change to the aesthetics of the apartment what with your own creative additions on top of Somi’s. Yours and her clothing mixed together, your styles adapting to one another, and soon you both realized that you were wearing the same outfits.

From an outsider’s perspective, anyone would have put a label on what the two of you had. But you’d never know, because this world existed only in the confines of this apartment. Even if the two of you ran into each other on campus, a very rare occurrence, your interactions were limited to small smiles and short waves. Your group of friends and her group of friends remained separate and oblivious to your growing situationship, and you were both careful in how you worded your experiences with each other to them.

In truth, you had to admit it, you’d fallen hopelessly in love with this woman, and you prayed that she felt the same. Never had either of you two dare utter a single word that could have alluded to something more than your casual relationship, for you it was because you didn’t want to lose her, and for her, you think, it’s because she didn’t see you that way at all. Oh, how you want to ask, how you want to pick apart her thoughts and find out just what she really thinks of you and whether or not you have a chance. You think you love her, if love is the word that describes the way your heart beats when you see her face, if love is the word that describes the way you daydream and fantasize of a life together, and if love is the word that describes the way you yearn for her touch every day, then yes, you love her.

“Wait, repeat that?” You asked her. You had agreed to help her get ready for a night out between your classes, anything just to be around her.

“It's easy, (Y/N),” she says while holding the rollers in her hands. “Start at the bottom, roll up.”

“Okay…" you took the roller.

“You've never used a roller?”

“I only use curling irons.”

“Oh, honey, those are so bad for your hair!” Your heart fluttered.

“I know, I know!” You took a small bunch of her hair, flattened it out, and rolled it around the roller. “Too tight?”

“Just right,” she hands you a clip and you secured it in place before picking up the next roller.

“So, what's the occasion tonight?” You asked her while getting started on the other roller.

“Blind date,” she shrugs. You swallowed harshly. It was instances like this, at 2:54 in the afternoon, that held you back from asking for the truth. If you had brought up to her that you’d fallen in love, would she cut this off forever? Short and casual, that was what she had written on her profile. She told you from the get go that she wasn’t expecting romance, just comfort, and you had willingly agreed, not knowing or thinking how it would come back to bite you.

“Oh yeah?” You finally answered.

“Yeah, my friends set me up with him,” she mutters. That didn’t sound right.

“Him?” You asked. Her expression falters for a moment and she hesitates before answering.

“Yeah, him,” she confirms.

Looks like you both had the same secret, then. You wanted to probe more, though, but you knew better than to pry, and who were you to talk anyway? You’d only ever come out to that creep in your class to get him to leave you alone. Your family doesn’t know, your friends don’t know, and you barely found out recently. Then, it all made sense, the fact that you both had your own world within these walls and you didn’t dare let it slip out into the world beyond. It was that certain fear that held you both back and, hell, maybe it was that same fear that held you back from confessing your true feelings to her too. You didn't even realize you paused your actions until her eyes slid up to look at yours through your reflections. 

“Okay,” you continued rolling her hair. “Have fun.” You didn’t mean for the responses to sound so curt.

“Thanks, (Y/N),” she smiles. Maybe you were imagining it, but there seemed to be some disappointment in it. Should you have said something? Should you have told her not to go? Held her back in some way? You were never good at reading people.

“All done,” you secured the last roller and leaned back.

“Whoa, you’re a natural, (Y/N),” she turns her head to either side to make sure all her hair had been tightly wrapped around the rollers. “Thanks, hon, sorry to eat up your gap time like this,” she turns to you.

“It’s fine! If I had something important I would’ve told you,” you reassured her. Truth be told, you probably should have stayed on campus. Your study group was cramming for your bio test as you spoke right now.

“I think I got it from here though, I won’t keep you if you have to study,” she says and you felt yourself pressing down on your fingernails again. Were you overthinking it? Did she want you to leave? Why would she bring that up if she wanted you to stay? You swallowed harshly yet again.

“I do have a midterm in a couple of hours…”

“Oh, shoot! Why didn’t you say so sooner?” Somi gasps. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N)!”

“No, no! Don’t apologize! It’s fine,” you waved your hand in front of you. “But, I think I’ll catch my study group, then, they should still be in the science library,” you checked the time.

“Yeah, yeah! No worries!”

“Let me know how your date goes,” you teased her.

“God, I can already feel that it’s going to be a whole train wreck,” Somi groans while she shakes her head. “I’ll see you soon, (Y/N),” she says.

“See you soon,” you grabbed your things and waved goodbye to her before leaving her apartment. You shot a quick text to your group chat, telling the rest of the study group that you were on your way.

‘Thank god, (Y/N)! You’re the only one who knows anything for this class’ You could almost hear Yeji’s voice.

‘Jaem keeps saying he knows but then we double check and he’s WRONG’ Keeho’s was as easy to hear as ever.

‘at least i’m trying’ Jaemin types the way he talks. Luckily for you, campus was only a ten minute walk away, not bad but not good either, and it took another five to get to the science library from where you were now, which left you a good three hours before your midterm.

And, in no time at all, you were seated with your study group in a room that Keeho had miraculously reserved for the whole semester. Good on him for thinking ahead, because this room had been witness to your development as a friend group. From the actual study sessions at the beginning, to the now prolonged breaks filled with trauma dumps from everyone, the third floor room 346 is a study room that will remain in your memories.

“So I told him ‘no and fuck off’ before storming out of that party,” Yeji rolls her eyes.

“(Y/N),” Jaemin said your name quietly so as not to disturb Yeji’s and Keeho’s pep talk with each other. You lean closer to him and he circles one of the practice questions with his stylus. You nod your head and look back at your worksheet.

“Oh, okay, so what you want to do first is determine the common trait those two have, then you can determine the common ancestor from that,” you explained to him.

“Got it, okay,” he returns to his world of studying while you did the same. Though seated next to each other, you each had your own bubble you stayed within, he was just so ‘in the zone’ when he studied and you were so ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ when you study that just thinking of intruding on each other would be catastrophic. But, before you could realize it, you were drawing scribbles on your notes and wondering how Somi’s date was going. You glanced at your phone, wondering if she’d send you an SOS text or start live texting the date to you, but your lock screen remained silent, with the only notifs coming in being from your classes. You focused on another question and immediately drew a blank.

“Hey, Jaem?” You glanced at the other two, who were now having a conversation about what the next best anime would be this season, before turning to Jaemin, who’s head had turned toward you while waiting for you to continue. “For number 34, does this have to do with mitochondrial genetics?”

“Uh…” he glances at his notes and flips through a few pages. “Yes?” He didn’t sound too sure. “Let me double check that, I thought it was just X-Linked genetics.”

“Wait, no, I can see that,” you looked at your notes again. “Sorry, can we compare notes really quick? I know it’s on this slide but I think I might have fallen asleep during this part of the lecture,” you slid your tablet toward him and he did the same with his and you both looked between your notes slides.

“Oh, here’s what you’re missing,” Jaemin highlighted the section that you didn’t write down.

“Thanks,” you both turned to each other and your breath caught in your throat.

Now, when did you two get so close to each other? Just inches apart and one wrong move could lead to some kind of physical contact. Jaemin’s glasses slide down the roof of his nose and, without thinking about it, you gently grabbed the junction of the arm and the frame to push it back up for him.

“Thank you too,” Jaemin was the first to pull back and, with one glance toward the other two, it became clear that they didn’t witness any of what had just happened. You turned to your notes, your body somewhat twisting away from his direction while you busied yourself with… cell anatomy. Dammit, (Y/N), if you were going to choose one slide to pretend to study at least make it something confusing like Hardy Weinberg.

But what was this feeling that creeped up on you? The way your heart skipped a beat when you turned toward him and saw just how close he was, it left your face heated and your breath unsteady. The last time you felt this way was with Somi, when you woke up from an impromptu nap and caught a small glimpse of her face while she read what had to be an engaging book of some sort. This was probably nothing, you think. It’s completely different than what you felt with Somi. You think so, at least. You shook your head, holding your hand to it to feign a headache.

“Oh, fuck, T minus one hour until that midterm,” Keeho panics.

“God, what kind of class has three midterms?! It’s called midterm for a reason!” Yeji finally opens her textbook.

“Numbers don’t define us,” Keeho mutters.

“For fucking real,” Yeji downs her coffee and focuses on the page in front of her.

Needless to say, that midterm was fucking horrible. Every single thing you had decided to ghost over because it was ‘common sense’ was worth a hefty twenty points in an exam you didn’t think would be free response. You swear you could hear the gears in your head moving on overdrive when you would have to reread another unfortunate question.

“I’m dropping out,” Yeji said as soon as you left the lecture hall.

“Numbers don’t define us,” Keeho repeated under his breath. You pulled your phone out and unsilenced it, and near instantly your phone flurried with notifications from whatever, but only two stood out to you.

‘Are you coming home today?’ Your sister.

‘Can you come over?’ Somi.

“Christ… I’m just gonna go home,” Yeji yawns. “I can’t, guys, like, I know we planned for ‘Hot Girl’ dinner but I am not feeling too hot after that,” she shakes her head.

“Wait, seriously? No way,” Keeho’s shoulders slump.

“Let’s just do it tomorrow, Keeho, I want to pass out,” Yeji argues.

“Yeah, I might go home too, that all nighter we pulled was intense,” Jaemin says.

“Damn… okay, fine, Yeji, I’ll walk with you back, my dorm’s on the way too.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Yeji waved and walked off with Keeho running close behind her.

“How about you, then?” Jaemin looks to you. You chanced a glance up at him.

“Uh…” you hesitated. “Don’t know yet,” you shrugged.

“I’ll walk you over to the pickup area,” Jaemin offers, “only if you want though,” he quickly added.

“Uh… yeah, yeah, I’d appreciate that,” you nodded your head and you both were on your way, neither text on your phone answered just yet. Jaemin’s hands were in his pocket, a miracle considering his messenger bag was somehow balanced on one shoulder. You didn’t know what it exactly was, but something about the way the sunset hit him framed him perfectly. His eyes slant over toward you.

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing, just wondering what your skin care routine is,” you covered.

“Cleanser then moisturizer,” he shrugged.

“It’s always the boys who don’t care who have the best genes,” you sighed. You both came to a stop at the drop off, him waiting for you and you waiting to make a decision. 

“(Y/N), actually, could I—” he is cut off by a loud brring startling both you and him. Somi’s name appeared on your phone and you scrambled to answer it.

“Sorry, Jaem, give me a second,” you apologized quickly and held it to your ear.

“(Y/N)?” Somi’s voice was different. “Sorry, I’m sorry if you’re busy, but could you come over? Please?”

“I, uh,” you looked over to Jaemin, who wasn’t listening to you intentionally. He rose an eyebrow toward you as if to ask if something was wrong. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” you said.

“Thank you, thank you, just… take your time, it’s okay.” Name a more obvious way to tell you to get there as soon as possible.

“Sorry, Jaemin, that was a…” you trailed off, trying to find the right word to use, “friend of mine.” It didn’t feel right to call her that. “She really needs some help right now, I think I’ll head over to her apartment,” you pointed in its general direction. “What were you trying to tell me again?” You looked at him and he shook his head.

“Nothing important,” he says. “I was just going to ask when you were going to get your license,” he smiles at the end and you pushed him lightly.

“Jerk.”

“I’m just asking,” he raises his hands up.

“Soon, okay? I’m working on it!” You rolled your eyes. “But, still, thanks… I appreciate you waiting with me.”

“Any time, did you want me to walk you over to your friend too?”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you waved your hand. “But, uh… if I call you, just pick up, you don’t have to say anything,” you added. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he waited for you to leave first, and that you did. Your phone was in your hand, having typed out an apology to your sister and a confirmation to Somi. You chanced a look back at your friend, ready to wave goodbye, but, instead, he was sitting down on the bench, his elbows on his knees and his hands covering his face. You looked down at your phone again, a recent text from Somi telling you to take your time, but you knew better, you knew her better. But Jaemin was also your friend too. But Somi… You turned away from him and continued on your way.

When was the last time she called you when she was like this? A while ago, actually. You really didn’t have time to think about it, as soon as you got to her apartment and you saw that it was unlocked, you knew that there was something very wrong. You locked the door on your way in and looked around. The apartment was silent, clean, and untouched.

“Somi?” You called out to her. No answer. You walked further into the apartment, checking her usual spots. The couch was empty, the kitchen unused, and the bathroom was wide open too, and that left one place. The walk to her bedroom seemed much longer than usual, but when you finally got to it, your hand hovered in front of the door, ready to knock but not knowing what exactly to say. Carefully, gently, you knocked on it.

“It’s open,” Somi’s voice was quiet. You opened the door as slowly as you’d knocked on it and you saw her wrapped up in her comforter in bed. You approached her and she turned away so that her back was facing you. Your heart ached for her, there was this inexplicable draw that dragged you toward her and you wanted nothing more than to comfort her and to find out just what happened for her to near seclude herself like this.

“Hey, it’s cool if I sit on your bed in jeans, right?” You tried to joke with her. No response. You sat down with your back to her now. You twisted so that you could see the outline of herself hidden under that huge blanket. “What happened?” You chanced a dangerous question. You never asked what’s wrong, she never asked what’s wrong, you just called or texted one another and you showed up here. This was a barrier, one of many that you both agreed to put up, if she answered you now then what would that mean for the both of you? She didn’t answer, and you thought that that was it, you turned away and shook your head, you didn’t know why you even asked.

“It was bad… really bad,” she answered. You turned to her and she was looking at you.

“Oh, Somi,” you leaned down and brushed the hair out of her face and tucked the loose strands behind her ear. Her lips slipped into a frown for a moment before it flattened again. “Did you want to talk about it?”

“I…” she hesitated and averted her eyes for a moment. “I’m not out to my friends.”

“Neither am I,” you shook your head.

“They keep setting up these dates with these guys they think I’d like, and I keep going to them thinking maybe something will be different,” she shakes her head. “But… no, they always end up the same. I hate it, I hate those men they’re all the same in the end they’re all…” she trails off and shakes her head again. “He was a real asshole, (Y/N), I wish you were there to see it.”

“The money I’d pay to see you talk some sense into him,” you agreed.

“Homophobic asshole…” she grimaced. “I, uh… I told him at the end of the date that I had fun, but I didn’t want to give him false hope. So… I told him I didn’t think we should have a second date,” Somi’s voice started to wobble.

“And?” This was it, the meat of the story.

“He called me a dyke.”

“Oh that asshole,” you gasped.

“I know! I know, and you know me, usually I’d fight back but…” she stops. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t say anything because if I did then I’d be coming out to some ugly, no life jerk who throws a hissy fit when he doesn’t get what he wants,” she sits up, but keeps the blanket tightly wrapped around her. “That’s the thing with this country… people don’t get what they want so instead they find other ways to degrade others even if they don’t know the meaning of their words,” she says quietly. “Nearly every man I’ve tried to go on a date with has been so… so horrible, I…” she struggled to get her words out.

“It’s okay, Somi, it’s okay,” your hands tangled in her hair and you did your best to comfort her. “But… he didn’t do anything to you, right?”

“No, I got out before he had the chance,” she says. “It’s just that… I don’t know, he was so aggressive and I was just so scared,” she shuts her eyes as if to shut the memory out. “But it got me thinking, of course every date I’ve had with men was horrible, I’m not attracted to them. Yet on the other side every woman I’ve dated hasn’t ended well either. I think I have something good and then they’re gone. Faster than I could ask what happened,” she covers her face in her hands and drags it down her face. Then, silently, she reaches into the drawer next to her and pulls out a small box and a lighter. “I…” she stops talking, holding the cigarette between her lips. She looks at the lighter in her hands and, after some hesitation, she hands it to you. “Keep this away from me.” You nodded and placed it on a further shelf. She rolls the cigarette from one side of her mouth to another.

“You smoke?”

“Used to.”

“Used to?”

“Sophomore year was hard.”

“Is that a warning?”

“Sure.”

“I can barely make it through my freshman courses,” you chuckled. She pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and chucked both back into the drawer. “If you used to smoke, then why do you keep those?”

“I don’t really know,” she shrugs, “you saw me just now, if I didn’t stop to think about it, I probably would have rebounded,” she places a hand on her forehead and brushes her hair back. “God, (Y/N), I’m a wreck, aren’t I?” She looks at you sadly and you freeze. What should you say?

“Yeah, you are,” you nodded your head. You probably could have worded that better. “But that makes you you, right? You wouldn’t be Somi if you didn’t fuck up here and there.”

“Even if those fuck ups are, like, really bad?”

“Even if they’re really bad, yeah,” you nodded again.

“(Y/N), I’ve done so many things that I’ve regretted,” she says.

“I’m sure we both have.”

“Oh, (Y/N), you don’t even know,” she hit her head against the wall. “With all the shit I’ve done to my previous partners… it’s no wonder I’ll never be loved like that again,” she closes her eyes gently now.

“Hey, don’t say that,” you answered too quickly. She opened her eyes and they landed on you. It was offensive, almost, for her to say that. You loved her, you think you do. Even now, just being here, your heart beat towards her and your thoughts were filled of her at almost every waking hour. You loved her, and she didn’t see that, or she didn’t want to. “There’s plenty to love about you,” you added quietly.

“Like what?”

“Like how you look out for everyone, even if you don’t like them,” you thought about more, “like how you modify your recipes when you know someone doesn’t like a certain ingredient, or like how you wake up early whenever people stay over to make them breakfast…” you catch yourself, pausing for a moment, and never once did she look away from you. She knew it as much as you did and she probably caught onto it before you did too. “Somi, I…” you looked at her and, without saying anything more, she leaned toward you, her hand resting on your cheek and then she stopped, just centimeters away from your lips. Your eyes widened and both of your breaths stilled.

Another barrier.

Skinship only, no kissing. No feelings, no strings, and no expectations for something more. That was the deal.

But you didn’t like that deal anyway.

You closed the gap. Your lips pressed against her’s softly, and it felt wonderful. This surge of ecstasy shot through you and left you wanting more, and when she pressed forward against you it was like pure bliss. It was her who pushed away first, and before you could say anything, she beat you to the punch.

“Better than orientation?”

“Way better,” you nodded slightly. A small smile rose on her lips and she looked away for a moment before looking to you again.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes,” you both leaned into each other and held onto the other, with every kiss growing in intensity and every touch being softer and still more passionate than before and as this barrier fell and crumbled, another threatened to fall. Her hand rested on your bare hip and yours wandered around her body, was this alright? Was this safe? Was this something you should do? You felt this desire in you that you’d never felt before, but you were afraid that it was going to fast, you were afraid that you’d mess up in your motions and that you’d never see her again, but you couldn’t stop, you didn’t want to stop.

There’s no going back.

You gripped onto the hem of your shirt and her hand wraps around your wrist.

“Are you sure?” She asks you. She’s never had a more serious look before.

“Yes, I’m sure,” you nodded and she let your hand go. You pulled your shirt over your head and she did the same with hers, then she wrapped her hands around you and snapped your bra open before pulling it off, and again the two of you connected. Your hands, unsure, moved to her breasts, and you fondled them the same way you did your own those sparing times you’d found the chance to explore yourself, and as you did so her lips trailed along your face. You moved until you were straddling her now and her hands hooked under your waistband.

“I hate jeans in bed,” she says against your skin.

“I know, I’m sorry,” you answered.

“God, they’re just so damn hard to pull off,” she says with an airy laugh. You laughed too, pressing your forehead against her shoulder, you helped her pull your jeans off and soon you were left in nothing but your panties. And all the while you avoided your own gaze in the mirror. Of all the times to think of this, your first time would be marked by your own fear. Somi moved to the other side of you, crawling off the bed and turning you with her and away from the mirror, she kneels on her carpeted floor nestled between your legs. She tugs at the elastic now and you nod your head, watching her slowly pull your panties off until they dropped to the floor.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” She looks up at you, both of her hands were resting on your thighs. She massaged slow circles into them. 

“I’ve never done this before,” you told her. “But, I trust you,” you added.

“We can stop, it’s okay if you’re not comfortable.”

“No, no, it’s okay, we can keep going,” despite your words, you couldn’t look at her, your face was too hot with embarrassment. She presses small kisses to your thighs now, and the air against your now exposed pussy was cold. You let out small whimpers as she moved up the inside of your thighs and stopped just before your pussy. “It’s okay, I trust you,” you told her. She blew onto your clit softly.

“I’ll go slow,” she says before lightly licking up your pussy. Your whole body shuddered around her, and you did your best to keep your legs opened. She pushes forward and you felt her tongue start to move around inside of you, pulling out strained sounds you didn’t even know you could make. “Just relax, (Y/N), I’ll take care of you,” she says against you, only eliciting another moan.

“Mm, Somi, I…” you swallowed your words down when she gently sucked at your clit. “It feels, ah, it feels good…” your voice trailed off and you felt yourself start to relax, though your hands squeezed at the bedding under you. Her tongue starts to move deeper into you and you sighed. Then you felt her push a finger into your pussy and your whole body tensed again. She paused for a moment. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” you pushed her forward and she continued. You could feel your wetness start to pool under you and the embarrassment grew. But you couldn’t think about it for long, no, not when she added another finger and started to make slight scissoring motions with them. Your hands slid against the comforter as you moaned more.

“You’re doing well, (Y/N),” Somi praises you.

“I…” your words are swallowed up by your pleasure again. “I feel tight,” you muttered.

“That’s okay, baby, just let it out,” she guides you.

“Mm,” you grasped at the couch cushions and you felt your hips buck forward, your pussy clamped down on her fingers and you let out a loud groan before relaxing again.

“Oh, honey, don’t tell me that’s the first time you cummed,” she props her head up on one elbow. First time someone’s made you cum, that’s for sure, but not the first time you’ve cummed at all. “So quickly too…” she clicks her tongue.

“I…” your face was hot with… something. You’d never felt this way before, but, again, you’d never experienced this before, you’d never experienced this level of passion. Then, with both hands on either side of your thighs, she rose up and pressed her lips to yours in a searing yet soft kiss. You could taste the bitterness of yourself on her, it mixed with that lingering taste of strawberry ice cream you’d both shared earlier, and, in whatever hot fervor you had, you opened your lips slightly and pushed against her, allowing for her to deepen the already sensual kiss. “I want to do that again,” you told her when you finally pulled away.

“Are you sure?” She asked this question, yet her hand rested on the inside of your thigh, ready to move at a moment’s notice. Her thumb ran circles over the sensitive skin in a teasingly slow motion that still somehow had you reeling. You could only nod your head shakily, wanting— no— needing more. You’d never felt this way before and you wanted so much more. She began to press kisses down your jawline, now, as she lowered you to your back and slid her hand up your legs and over your pussy. She presses two fingers in now and you let out a quick gasp before pressing your head against the mattress. She lowered her face to your clit once more, being precise in her movements, and her tongue swirled around your clit, flicking it up every so now and then and leaving you a moaning mess against her. She pressed sloppy kisses against your pussy now, making obscene noises all along the way while swallowing your wetness whenever she found the opportunity to do so. Your hand pressed down on the top of her head, this newfound pleasure becoming more and more addicting, and in your search to find something— anything to touch, you ended up lightly squeezing your own breast, playing with the nipple that had grown much more sensitive.

Then you felt that tightness growing in your abdomen again, the tell tale sign of pleasure, but right before you felt it reach its climax you stopped, nudging her head for her to look at you.

“Yes?” There was a small smile on her lips.

“Could I…” you swallowed harshly, still panting from your moans before. “Could I try it?” You asked her. She rests her head against your thigh.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that, baby,” she cooed. You turned away for a moment, your face hot with pleasure and embarrassment.

“Oral, let me try it,” you were able to push out. Again, she grins, a Cheshire like smile like she’d heard what she wanted, and she stood up slowly, sensually, and pulled her shorts down before sitting next to you with a small bouncing motion.

“Okay,” she says. “Give it a shot, I’m already worked up anyway,” she says. You chanced a quick look over of her, the wet patch on her underwear out in plain sight. “Or… did you need some help with that?” She brought one leg up while leaving the other hanging off the bed.

“No, I can do it,” you leaned down, pulling her panties off with some confidence before immediately losing it.

“Just take it slowly,” she says. You nodded slightly, trying to do as she did with you albeit sloppier with your inexperience. Then, steeling yourself with whatever, you licked your tongue up one of her lips that dripped with wetness. “Whoa, baby, relax,” despite the levelness of her words, you felt her legs tighten slightly around your head, “slower, take your time,” she says while gently running her thumb along your collarbone.

Slowly, okay, you can do that. You tried to replicate what she did earlier, though it was obviously affected by your inexperience, when you heard her quieted sighs you felt this entirely different rush than before, just as if something had sparked within you.

“Mm, okay, let’s, ah, let’s take it up now,” Somi rubs the top of your head slightly, then she moves her hand to her pussy, spreading it open for you. “Know what I mean?” She was barely out of breath while she traced them with her index finger, hinting to you what she wanted you to do. Again, your nod was unsure, but you leaned forward and pressed an experimental finger into her, eliciting a sharp gasp from her.

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” you apologized quickly.

“No, no, don’t apologize, it feels good,” she nodded against the pillows. “Deeper, (Y/N),” she nods firmer. You obliged and, as you did so, she pulled you up to her so that you straddled her waist and she pushed your head down against hers, locking your lips into yet another open kiss. Your tongues moved against each other, probing and swirling all around while you boldly added another finger to prompt Somi to kiss you harder with both arms wrapped around your neck. She separated from you only once, just enough to lean against your ear to whisper praises while you finger fucked her for the first time. “Good, girl, just like— haa,” her head hit the cushion hard while her body tensed under you. “Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” She asks.

“Not on anyone, no, just on myself,” you answered. You felt the walls of her pussy clamp around your fingers and you leaned forward so that your head was next to hers. Your heads turn to each other and, before you could say anything more, she presses her lips against yours. 

“Did you know that you’re dripping all over my bed?” She grins before moving you so that you were beneath her, “tell me if you want me to stop,” she says before bending down to your pussy and attaching her lips to it, eating you out with a new fervor you’d thought you’d only ever see in porn. Every now and then she’d look up at you with wide eyes that’d relax into more sultry ones as each lick was followed with a line of slick from your vag. 

It was all so… erotic. The way she held your legs open, the way she swirled her tongue inside of you, and— god— the way she looked at you. You felt like cumming from that alone.

It was a long night. You didn’t have a chance to check the time, you didn’t really care much for it right now. All you could think about was her, Somi, and the way she drove you into bliss. You’re pretty sure you loved her, you trusted her at least, you trusted her with your first time, and you were enjoying every second of it.

~

Again it was like a domino effect. That first time with her was certainly not the last. Every now and then she would bring up some strange thing she found in her “research” and she’d ask if you’d want to try it, and near every time you’d said yes. You were open to exploring your sexuality and so was she. You’d tried a lot now together, actually, role play, ice play, sensory deprivation, and even some shibari, which the two of you would likely never do again. You should’ve been more wary when she came back with a Home Depot bag in hand and a devilish glint in her eyes.

So this is what it felt like, friends with benefits. Just sex, sex, and more sex, and if you were lucky there was the cuddle session somewhere in between too, but you didn’t hate it. You rather enjoyed it, spending time with her and trying new things, and always after it ended the same way regardless of whether or not you or her were tired. Before you knew it, you and Somi had been together in this strange relationship for near four months now, a track that you were sure that only you were keeping track of, celebrating milestones in silence and maybe overthinking the days she seemed a little more affectionate that overlapped with those milestones. Some days you wondered if this was how things usually went, was this the normal pacing of a relationship? You wished you had someone to ask, someone to talk to about this, but, amazingly, these four months stayed within these walls, unknown to the outside world.

“They always make those cakes look so good,” Somi says with a slight twinge of disbelief. Her arms were wrapped around your nude body and you nodded against her chest.

“I always crave cake, too,” you sighed. This was the usual aftercare.

The Great British Baking Show. Or better known as the show that turned you and Somi into backseat bakers.

“Ugh, the green and blue did not mix well together,” you commented.

“Honestly! She should’ve gone for the blue and purple, or at least a different shade of green,” she adds on.

“We should try baking sometime,” you wondered aloud.

“Oh we definitely should,” she nods while her hands wander further down.

“Somi,” your voice had a warning tone. It’s not that you didn’t want to have sex, it’s more that you wanted to finish this episode.

“Come on, I’ll pause the show.”

“No, it’s not the same,” you shook your head.

“Fine, fine,” her hands nestle on your hips once more, but her lips still moved about, biting softly on the shell of your ear. “You look like you want to ask me something,” she said quietly.

“Uh… yeah, do you think I can stay over tonight?” You asked. Tonight was one of those rare nights both of your parents would be out of the house and your younger sibling was staying over at a friend’s. The house was empty, and having Somi over was a bad idea considering the Ring cameras all outside your house, and so the next best thing was to stay over. Plus, you finally did the right thing and got your parents’ blessing to stay the night at a “friend’s” house.

“Not tonight, I’m sorry, (Y/N). I have plans later tonight,” she says.

“No, no, all good, I’ll ask another friend of mine,” you nodded.

“Are you sure?” Before you could answer her, her doorbell rang, and while you made a move to get more comfortable in her covers, she stood up straight. “Shit.”

“What? What’s wrong?” You sat up now, the comforter that previously covered you fell onto your lap. She looks at you before looking at her bedroom door.

“Oh, fuck, I completely forgot,” she rubs her hair harshly and tumbles out of bed, falling harshly on the floor.

“Somi! Oh my god, be careful!” You followed her and helped her up, and as soon as she was on her two legs, she shoved a set of clothes in her hands.

“Get dressed, (Y/N), my parents are here.”

“Your parents are what?!” You scrambled to put your bra on.

“Here! They’re here! I forgot, my mom flew in recently and of course she’d want to visit me, I… fuck!” She fell back on her bed in a rushed attempt to pull on a pair of shorts.

“Parents, oh hell…” your hand covered your mouth. Parents, you’re about to meet her parents. Now this isn’t something you’d predicted at all, but then again you and Somi had been doing this, whatever this was, for almost two months now. But parents? Her parents? Oh hell, you’re so fucked. You don’t even know what to say to them, how would you introduce yourself to them? How would you even explain why you were in Somi’s apartment wearing her clothes? Your mind was tossed into a spiral that you hadn’t felt in a very long time, and you felt this strange sense of dread forming in your abdomen.

“Okay, okay, this is fine, just act natural, (Y/N),” you both rush out into the main room and you took a seat on the couch while Somi opened the door.

“Mom, dad!” Somi grinned ear to ear and you swear you saw a halo of light form around her head. “Come in, come in! How was the flight?” She’s almost too good at hiding.

“It was good, enjoyable even,” her mother says. She then notices you. “Oh! Did you have a friend over?” You waved shyly.

“I did, yes, mom, dad, this is my best friend (Y/N),” she gestures toward you. But you stopped listening after she called you her best friend. What the hell was that? You literally had your entire tongue all up in her pussy less than an hour ago and now you’re just best friends? You held it in, took a deep breath, and smiled.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Douma,” you greeted them.

“Oh! Hi there,” her mother grins. “I didn’t know Ennik had such pretty friends.”

“Ennik?” You glanced over at her.

“Right, right, you like to go by Somi,” her father laughs.

“I don’t want to intrude, so I think I’ll head out now,” you made a move to head toward the front door, but her mom stops you.

“No, no! You should stay, (Y/N). Come on, I’ll make food for all of us,” she insists. And who were you to say no? You thought that at one point they would be your in-laws, but now you were starting to feel like that was a delusion.

And now that you were all seated at a table together, you felt like you’d learned so much about Somi, Ennik, all together. But, of all the cute things that her parents shared, there was one glaring truth that pierced your heart. Somi hadn’t come out to them. To her parents, she was still straight.

“How was that boy I set you up with, Ennik?” Her mother asks. A boy? You didn’t hear about her meeting anyone, not since that incident weeks ago.

“He was fine,” Somi responded as if she’d been practicing.

“I heard you went on more than three dates this time,” she chuckles. “Usually you give up after the first one, I guess this one was special, right? See, hon? I told you! No one knows our Ennik better than I do,” she nudges her husband.

“That’s right, mom!” Somi matched her energy. But all you could do was play with your food. Occasionally you’d eat a bite here and there so that they didn’t suspect, but there was just this heavy pit in your heart that threatened to swallow you whole, and for some reason it made you nauseous. Was it just you or was it hard to breathe in here? “Well, (Y/N)?” Somi’s mother turned to you.

“Sorry?” You shook your head.

“Oh, I was just wondering if you had a nice boy in your life too! You’re very pretty, I’m sure the boys are lining up to meet you,” she chuckles. The first person you thought of was Jaemin. Would he even be open to being in a relationship with you? He struck you as the kind of guy who was focusing on his education more than looking for something to commit to. But you wouldn’t say that you couldn’t see a future with him. Though you had to admit, while you saw yourself having something short with Jaemin, you could see your whole life with the woman to your right side.

“Yeah, there’s someone I’m interested in,” you finally answered, whether you were thinking of Somi or Jaemin you didn’t have time to figure out.

“See! Maybe since Ennik is with someone like you she’d find someone to settle down with,” her mother grins. “You should introduce Ennik to some of your friends.”

“Mom!” Ennik’s face reddens with embarrassment.

“I’m just saying, honey, your father and I want to take care of our grandchildren soon! You’re not getting any younger,” she says.

“Honey, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this with a stranger at the table,” Somi’s dad cuts in.

“Oh, it’s fine, they’re friends, right?” Somi’s mother looks to Somi, and you looked to her as well.

“Yeah, mom, (Y/N) and I are just friends!” She didn’t have an ounce of remorse on her features. You of all people should understand, you weren’t out to your parents either, but to lie to her parents with no consideration toward you? It didn’t even look like she regretted it one bit, and you knew Somi to wear her emotions on her sleeve. You turned away and drank some of your water. How ridiculous this all was, maybe it was always one sided from the start and everything these past few weeks was some delusion you fed yourself. How stupid of you to trust that you could give her your heart, how stupid of you. It was both of your agreed boundaries from the start to never expect anything deeper. There was a whole other conversation going on in front of you, one you weren’t a part of, and suddenly you felt this cold isolation building around you. Your skin was chilled but your heart was racing, and not in the good way. You felt all of your nerves tense up and you could feel the cold sweat at the back of your neck.

You had to get out of here.

You turned your phone over under the table and, keeping the screen hidden from Somi, you set a timer to go off after two minutes. Two minutes, that’s all you needed to pretend like everything was fine, and you’d pretend that someone was on the phone.

Brring!

Someone beat you to the punch. You canceled the timer and answered it without looking at the caller ID, you didn’t have the thought to. You just needed an excuse to leave.

“I’m sorry, I need to take this,” you apologized to her parents, who were staring right at you. “Hello?” You spoke while you stood up. You pushed your chair in and walked off into the bathroom.

“Hey, (Y/N).” It was Jaemin. You looked at yourself in the mirror, but then you quickly averted your eyes and leaned against the bathroom sink.

“Hey, Jaem, what’s up?” You asked him. He’s not the kind to call you.

“Are you busy?” You looked at the locked door.

“Not really, why?” You answered after some hesitation.

“Are you still on campus? If you’re free, I was wondering if we could study together at Starbucks.”

“Oh, right, for the precalc quiz, right?”

“Yeah.” Strange, Jaemin’s best subject was precalc right now. If you strained enough, you could hear the conversation behind you. Something about you.

“Sure, I’ll be there, I’ll head over right now.”

“Right now? Yeah, sure, I’m already here.”

“Okay, sounds like a plan, I’ll see you in a bit,” you caught your reflection on the medicine cabinet’s mirror and you wiped away the tears from your eyes.

“See you.” You hung up first, turning around fully and fixing your face before you walked back out.

“I’m sorry about that,” you apologized quickly.

“Who was that?” Somi asks, her voice noticeably different from before, but you couldn’t quite distinguish why.

“Uh… Jaemin,” you couldn’t, shouldn’t, come up with a lie.

“Who’s that?” Somi asks. No, you knew what that was. Your jaw tensed up and you took a second to calm down.

“Just someone I’m interested in,” you answered. Somi’s expression remained flat, though, but you could see some hint of shock in her eyes.

“And that’s how you do it, Ennik, if there’s someone you’re interested in, you pursue after them. This is why you keep complaining about being alone here!” Her mother shouts. You looked between them.

“Christ, mom! You’re doing this now?!” Somi finally lost her patience.

“Stop it, both of you!” Her father shouts. “You should go, (Y/N), I’m sorry about them.” You nodded your head slowly.

“I’m sorry for intruding, Somi didn’t tell me she was expecting people over, if I knew I wouldn’t have come,” you apologized to her father. You grabbed your things from the couch. “Bye, Somi. Thank you for lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Douma,” you nodded your head toward them and saw yourself out.

Then you were alone again. But you didn’t have time to worry, you didn’t have time to be afraid. Instead, your mind filled with a toxin you didn’t see coming, how could you?

“(Y/N)!” And she made it so much worse. “Let me walk you back!”

“No, it’s fine,” you said.

“You hate walking alone, let me walk you,” she says.

“Leave me alone,” you picked up the pace.

“Hold on, please!” She catches up with you easily, stopping in front of you. “What’s wrong?” She says between breaths. You scoffed and walked around her. The nerve. She knows what she did.

“Don’t worry about it, just talk with your parents,” you said back at her, but she didn’t stop there, she kept her pace with you.

“No, come on, I know you. I know my parents are a lot but I had to say what I said back there,” Somi defended while she stopped you in your tracks again.

“I know, and I understand that,” you said to her. “But that doesn’t mean that it still doesn’t hurt,” you shook your head.

“(Y/N)…” she reached out to you but you took a step back.

“Tonight… your plans are with that guy, huh?” You asked her. Somi stilled.

“I have to, my parents set us up.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved your hand and walked away from her again.

“(Y/N)! Come on, don’t be like that!”

“Don’t be like what, Somi?!” You whipped your head back. “Huh?!”

“Don’t—” She paused and took a deep breath. “You should understand where I’m coming from. It’s not like you’re out to your parents either!”

“Yeah, I know that, Somi, that’s why I said that I did understand. But it still fucking sucks and you can’t be upset at me for feeling bad for lying to your parents! They’re your parents for fucks sake!”

“Lying about what?” She asks you. She shakes her head. Your shoulders slumped.

“Ha,” you scoffed again. You were right. This was all one sided from the start. “Whatever.” You tried to ignore her.

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal! You don’t even know what your sexuality is!” She shouts. Now you’re pissed. You marched back to her.

“Don’t you fucking dare assume you know me,” your voice was firm. “Don’t you dare say that when we’ve been seeing each other sexually for the past two months, Christ, Somi, we were just having sex a few hours ago and you think you can tell me I’m not sure of my sexuality? I’ve never been more sure. If anyone here has to check then it’s you. You say you’re a lesbian but all I hear from you are failed dates with men, what do you expect, Somi? What do you want me to say?” She’s silent, and you don’t know why. Does she really have nothing more to say for herself? She takes a deep breath. “Just go back home, Somi.”

“I’ll cancel tonight.”

“No, no, don’t do that,” you shook your head. “I already found another place to stay.” You were lying.

“No, (Y/N), come on,” she says.

“No, Somi. You said it yourself, you have to do this for your parents, and I get that. I’d do the same if my parents did that too,” you tried to calm yourself down. That’s how the both of you were, you had your arguments with your parents, but you still loved them, you couldn’t just break their hearts and Somi was the same. Countless times you’d heard her praise her parents, you’d heard the way she spoke of them so highly with so much tenderness in her voice, so you really truly understood where she was coming from. “I have to go now.”

“Are you really going to see someone else?” She asks.

“Yeah, I am,” you didn’t know why she was so pressed about that. She’s been seeing others too.

“Are you actually interested in him or did you say that because of my mom?”

“Why do you care so much?” She couldn’t answer. But you wanted her to, you wanted her to tell you not to see him so fucking bad. But she didn’t. There was a tense silence between you both, disturbed only by the cars driving past you. “You said it yourself, Somi, you didn’t lie about anything,” you said quietly, “I’m leaving now,” you cut the conversation. 

“If you leave, then it’s over between us,” Somi says suddenly.

“And what was between us, Somi?” You asked. She didn’t answer. So you left. And, this time, she didn’t try to stop you.

You were on autopilot after that, walking all the way to the Starbucks on campus without paying attention to much else, you were too angry to even worry about anything else. And you really thought your walk calmed you down, but it was just a small question that made you feel like sobbing.

“Hey, (Y/N)—” Jaemin stopped before he said anything more. “What happened?” He asked it so sweetly and, instead of answering him, you buried your face in your hands.

And that’s how your second heartbreak happened. You felt like shutting the world out, and so you did. The voices of people around you fell muted, the sound of passing cars too, and finally the sound of Jaemin packing his things in front of you. You heard him knock on the table in front of you and you slid your hands down your face just enough to see him.

“Wanna head out?” He asks. You nodded and followed him. The walk was silent, but you didn’t hate it. You followed him to his dorm, something you thought you’d never do, but here you were. You’re just not making any good decisions today, aren’t you? Your phone kept going off with texts from Somi, all of which you didn’t pay attention to, and you were left asking the same question you asked her to yourself. Why did you care so much?

“Sorry, Jaemin, I know you wanted to study,” you sighed. He unlocked the door and let you inside first.

“Don’t worry about it, (Y/N),” he closed it behind you both. “We all have our days.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t supposed to see mine,” you looked around. It came as no surprise that it was neat, it was more surprising that both sides of the dorm were clean, but it was so easy to guess which side was Jaemin’s, what with the various cameras and pictures taped to the wall. Huh, funny, when did you find out that Jaemin was into that? Probably around the same time you started posing for the pictures he thought he was taking when you all didn’t notice.

“You can sit anywhere, my roommate went home for the week,” he starts picking up loose items before stacking them on his roommate’s desk while you took a seat at his. Jaemin reaches over you and hands you a photo album.

“You’re… you’re not going to ask?” You felt like you were starting to cry now.

“I don’t know about you, but I always hated it when people make me talk about why I’m sad when it’s obvious, it always made me more frustrated,” he leans against his roommate’s desk while turned toward you. “Did you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“That’s what I figured,” he pulls his phone out and gestures for you to open the photo album. So you did. And it was probably one of the nicest things you’d ever seen. On the first page was the year with the caption ‘Freshman Year’ under it, and in the pages following were various pictures taken at various events. The first couple you could tell was orientation since they depicted a lot of the games and events you remembered from yours too. The next few were events you recognized, since you were there too, they were pictures of the study group back when it was just a study group, what with the pictures of you standing in front of a whiteboard with senseless equations on it and with other pictures of Keeho struggling flipping through his textbooks. Then there were pictures of when that study group became a friend group, pictures of the outings you went to, the impromptu food runs, and the late night roadtrips. And, slowly, you started to notice a trend where you became the subtle subject of the photos, moving from the sidelines to the forefront, and you didn’t hate it. You, who could barely look in the mirror, loved seeing these pictures of you, what are the odds?

“Hey, you’re really good,” you complimented him. “I don’t even remember you taking half of these.”

“That’s probably because I was trying to be subtle about it, I was going for candid photos but, I gotta ask, when did you start noticing?”

“Around that time we went to get ramen, you accidentally turned your flash on so I started paying more attention,” you said it with a teasing voice.

“Dammit, I really thought I played that one off too,” he laughs.

“Right, right, you said you accidentally turned your flashlight on, like I’d fall for that one,” you rolled your eyes, but maintained a small smile. No wonder you started becoming the subject, you thought. You’re the one who noticed he was taking these small pictures in the first place.

“I was going to show you all once the year ended, actually,” he notices you flipping through the empty pages. “Or probably when we all graduate, I think that would’ve been more nostalgic.”

“So why show me now?”

“Why not?”

“Good question,” you turned back to the last couple. You had a hunch, but you felt like it would be ridiculous to say it out loud. “But I asked you first,” you couldn’t deny that you were curious.

“Well… nothing lasts forever, right?” He asks. You look at him. “I know it’s bad to think like this, but sometimes I wonder if our group will stick together for our whole four years. Then Yeji does something outrageous that makes me realize ‘oh fuck I’m stuck with these people for four years’ and that anxiety leaves, but, then it comes back,” he’s never really talked this much with you before. Maybe it was because you were in a space he was comfortable in, or maybe it was because he was with you, you didn’t know. “I guess I showed it to you because…” he trails off and adjusts his position on the desk. You couldn’t ignore the twinge of pink on his face and at the tips of his ears. But you stayed silent, because you didn’t know what to say to what you thought he was going to say. He takes a deep breath. “I want us to…” he trails off again, as if picking the right words in his head right now. “I want to spend my four years with you, at the very least.” Why did you feel some relief when he said that? It wasn’t a confession, it was a wish.

“I think we will,” you said.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know, I don’t plan on leaving you or the group, at least,” you crossed your legs on the chair. “Do you?”

“Nope, I enjoy spending time with you all, even if we don’t get any work done,” he chuckles.

“What counts is that we do get work done when we have to,” you place the photo album back where it came from and rubbed your eyes. “I still can’t believe we spent a whole semester together, and that we’re still hanging out now that a new one started,” you mumbled.

“I know, our schedules are a little different now.”

“Like they weren’t before,” you remembered the struggles of planning anything with all of you. “It feels like I’ve known you all for ages.”

“Right? You all already know too much about me,” he shakes his head.

“God, this is why drinking together is dangerous,” you laughed, remembering the time you all drank together in Keeho’s dorm, and how you all knocked out on his floor too. Jaemin looks at the clock off to the side.

“Hey, want me to walk you back to the drop off? You usually get picked up around this time, right?” He asks.

“Uh… no, it’s fine,” you shook your head. Right, you needed a place to stay tonight, and going home wasn’t an option since you didn’t have a ride. 

“You sure? I noticed you don’t like being alone,” he says. Would it be too much for you to ask if you could stay over? Were you close enough to ask that? You could chance Yeji, but you know that her nightmare roommate hates it when the other girls have people over and you didn’t want to make Yeji deal with that. There wasn’t anything wrong with staying with Keeho either, other than his creepy roommate which now that you thought about it was a very valid reason not to ask him. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I, uh, I don’t have a ride home today,” you finally told him.

“Oh yeah? Who are you staying with tonight?”

“I’m figuring that out right now, the person I had in mind,” you hesitated, “the person I had in mind had other people over today.”

“I get it. You could stay over here if you can’t find anywhere else, like I said, my roommate left for the week,” Jaemin says.

“Are you sure? You won’t get in trouble?”

“Yeah, my RA really doesn’t care,” he says.

“Really? Can’t he get in trouble for that?” Jaemin leans over and opens the mini fridge next to him, the small thing filled to the brim with alcohol.

“Probably, but he’s the one who gave us these so,” Jaemin shrugs.

“Are those Trulys?” You spotted the seltzers just as he closed it.

“What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Strawberry.” He reaches into the fridge again and pulls out two cans and hands one to you. “Thanks.”

“Yeah,” you both open your cans at the same time and you swallow a good majority of it down. “Ah, this is nice after ending midterms,” you felt yourself relaxing already. Jaemin nodded silently. “Wait, we are done, right?”

“Yup, our finals are in a week though, so there’s no rest for the wicked,” he says.

“Aw, hell,” you cried. You chugged the rest of the drink down and placed it next to you. “Can I have another one of those?” Jaemin hands you his, which still had a considerable amount, before grabbing another one from the fridge. “And… if you’re okay with it, could I ask a few questions?”

“Shoot.” You chugged more of the can in your hands before starting.

“I have this friend,” you started. You still weren’t sure if you should even ask him, you would be telling a secret that you’d kept from everyone since the year started, and for some reason you didn’t want to end the fantasy, but at the same time you knew that you shouldn’t keep it to yourself too. “She’s seeing someone right now, someone she really likes and that she thought liked her back, but then she said something really hurtful, after doing so many things that couples usually do, the girl she liked told her parents that they were just friends and nothing more. So, now she’s really upset about that. But she knows she shouldn’t be, she understands her, but she’s still really really upset,” you could feel your eyes tearing up again. This whole time, Jaemin listened very carefully. “So now my friend feels cheated, in a way. She knows she shouldn’t because from the get go she agreed to not expect anything more out of the relationship, but then it became something more and the girl she likes outright denied it in front of her, and then she expected for everything to be okay after when it obviously can’t. Is my friend wrong for feeling that way?” You felt bad for word vomiting him, but you just couldn’t stop talking. Your thoughts were a mile a minute and your mouth was struggling to catch up.

“No, I don’t think your friend is in the wrong,” he says. “I’d be upset too. If I was hanging out with someone a lot doing things that couples usually do, and then she told me that we were just friends, I think I’d be pretty mad, actually,” he says. “It never feels good to be led on.”

“Thank you, I thought I was going crazy.”

“I thought we were talking about your friend,” he said this in a light tone. You knew he wouldn’t have bought the friend excuse from the start.

“Yeah, well, I’m starting to feel tipsy so it’s not like I can keep up a lie anyway,” you finished your drink and put it to the side.

“You’re feeling tipsy on Trulys?”

“I also haven’t slept in the last 24 hours, so there’s that,” you admitted.

“That’ll do it,” he chuckles.

“Can I have another one?”

“Is that a good idea?”

“Probably not.”

“Okay then,” he hands you another can and you opened it quickly.

“So… who is she?”

“You wouldn’t know her,” you shook your head. “I barely know her.” You thought back to your conversation with her parents earlier, they were saying so many things about her that you didn’t expect to hear or expect her to be like at all, and suddenly you felt like you didn’t know her at all.

“I mean, yeah, but it still sucks to be in your position,” he says before drinking.

“Yeah, it really does…” you muttered.

“Drink slower, (Y/N).”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you kept your pace.

“Do you like her a lot?”

“Yeah. But I don’t think she likes me that way,” you shook your head. “I thought she did, but today kinda proved to me that she didn’t. How could she say such hurtful things and look like it didn’t bother her at all?” You looked at your phone and silenced her incoming call.

“Looks like she wants to talk about it.”

“I don’t,” you flipped your phone over. “God, Jaem, if I told you the things we were up to you wouldn’t believe it.”

“Knowing you, I probably would,” he tips his can to you and you tapped yours against it in a lonely toast, and you both drank more. “Try me.”

“We fucked, like, a lot.”

“I believe it.”

“Why?”

“(Y/N), you seriously don’t think we wonder why you run off right after class? Yeji joked that you were seeing someone but Keeho and I didn’t buy it. I figured you just needed some time off after spending too much time with us, but the more Yeji joked about it the more I realized it could be true,” he says.

“And true it was.”

“So all of that led you to think she liked you too?”

“Well, we started out as cuddle buddies.”

“That’ll do it,” he repeats and drinks more.

“Then we became friends with benefits, I kinda sorta confessed to her and I thought she accepted it.”

“You can’t kinda sorta confess to someone, (Y/N), you have to be clear about your intentions,” he says.

“I was clear!”

“Were you?” You thought back.

“Maybe I wasn’t super clear… I just started saying things that we did together and then we fucked so I just assumed…”

“Christ…” he shakes his head.

“I wouldn’t know how to confess anyway, I thought I was being obvious,” your face was starting to heat up from both the embarrassment and the alcohol.

“How did you confess anyway?”

“She said that she thought no one could ever love her. So, I wanted to prove her wrong, and I just started saying things we did together and how it was impossible for anyone not to fall in love with that because I fell in love with that, and, like…”

“You fucked?”

“We fucked!” You shouted and Jaemin laughed. “It was my first time too, and I told her that. I told her I trusted her because I thought she liked me back and… oh god, Jaemin you have to promise not to tell anyone about this. What I confess to you here stays in here.”

“Yeah, my lips are sealed,” he says.

“Clear, clear, it’s hard to be clear about that stuff,” you say. “How am I supposed to say it? ‘I love you’?”

“Just like that, yeah.”

“I couldn’t do it like that.”

“Sure you could, you just did.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not here, is she? Do you know how hard it is to confess face to face someone you want to date?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I could try though,” he shrugs.

“Unfortunate woman,” you laughed. He chugs the rest of his drink down, put it aside, and walked toward you, resting his hands on either side of you now. Your breath caught in your throat.

“Huh, you’re right, it is pretty hard,” he was very close to you now. His face was reddening more now, his eyes half lidded in a mix of tiredness and drunkness, and you wondered how you looked to him right now.

“Unfortunate man.”

“I know,” he pushes off of the desk, but you hold onto his wrist.

“Jaem…” you hesitated. It was so selfish of you to ask him this. “Do you want to hook up?” He raises an eyebrow now.

“I think we’re both too drunk to make a good decision.”

“Shouldn’t that cancel things out?”

“I told you I don’t like being led on.”

“What if I’m not leading you on though?”

“Aren’t you?” You were silent at this.

“No.”

“You just told me five minutes ago about a woman you really like.”

“And she doesn’t like me back.”

“So you go to me instead.”

“… Yeah.”

“Sure, let’s do it.”

“You sure?”

“Either I’m being led on and you just want to confirm something, or I have a real chance here,” he says. “Which is it?”

“Would it be weird if I said both?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Well…” you thought for a moment, and a horrible thought struck you. If you had a boyfriend, then you’d never have to come out to your parents, you’d never have to experience that heart break and you’d never have to put them through that heart break. “I’d say you have a real chance.” 

“(Y/N), I really like you,” he confesses. “I’m serious, I do, I want to be something with you,” he continues. “So, please, don’t lead me on.”

“I won’t,” you said this, but there was still that lingering doubt at the back of your head. “I won’t lead you on.” And without another word he pressed forward, lips locking with yours, and you reciprocated. You could taste the hints of watermelon on him and even more so when you deepened it. Your hands squeezed his wrists now, and his hands interlocked with yours. You know you shouldn’t compare, but this feeling was just different from whenever you and Somi made out. You’d never pictured a future with him, but the more you thought about it the clearer it became, but that future was so different than the one you wanted with Somi. This one… this one was more realistic, you think.

But it felt like you were going through the motions. Taking your clothes off, taking his off, and somehow making it to his bed, even rolling the condom on was something you were surprisingly good with considering you’d only had sex with Somi before this. Sex with Jaemin wasn’t what you’d expected at all, and part of you felt bad that you were just using him to prove a point to yourself. And maybe it was a bad idea to do this when you were both drunk, then again you always preached that drunk actions were sober thoughts. Speaking of, you wondered if he could read them now. It felt like he was staring into your very mind while your mouth sank down on his cock. It was such a different feel than with Somi, despite the obvious, and now you wondered which you really preferred. Did you like the sweet and tender touches that Somi dragged out or did you prefer the way Jaemin went down on you with firm and sharp grasps? Did you prefer the soft kisses from her or the rough ones from him? Maybe you liked the stimulation from how your pussy slid over hers versus how Jaemin pounded into yours.

Or maybe you just didn’t give a fuck.

Jaemin pressed his lips against yours again, holding your jaw in such a way that your lips parted enough for him to deepen the kiss and you let him do so, you even encouraged it as you pressed against him and let a subdued moan out while he worked his cock into you, stretching your walls in a way you’d never experienced before. Your head tilted back, feeling an intense pleasure that was so different from the one you’d known from before. You felt his bed rocking beneath you, and you really hoped that no one could hear it.

“Oh fuck, oh god,” your moans were breathy and you could hear his silenced whimpers and loud groans.

“Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he said quietly. You swallowed harshly. What did he mean by that? You didn’t want to know, and instead you pulled him down onto your lips again, something he reciprocated quickly while quickening his pace. You felt yourself building to your orgasm, and your fingers naturally settled over your clit while you chased after it.

“Keep going like that,” you said into his ear. “Ah, oh hell, I’m almost there,” you grinded against his waist and he kept his pace, pounding into you as if to prove a point and, though it scared you to admit it, you didn’t hate it.

Truly bisexual, you didn’t know if you should be proud or afraid of that fact. Your fingernails dug into Jaemin’s back, no doubt leaving some kind of mark behind when you released him shortly during your moments of bliss. Then, right as you reached your orgasm, you felt him start to speed up, no doubt looking for his own release and, finally, he stilled in your pussy, the condom filling up with cum before he pulled out of you. He leans over you now, both hands on either side of your head and face inches away from yours.

Now this isn’t fair, how could he still look handsome after all that? You’re half sure you look like an exhausted rat under him. And when he pushed the hair out of his face you swear you felt your heart jump out but then realization hit.

You felt a pang of guilt, having asked to hook up with Jaemin. You knew that Somi didn’t take your relationship seriously, she was still seeing people on the side other than you, hell, the two of you weren’t even properly dating, so what was so wrong about this? What’s so wrong about getting dicked down by one of your friends in his dorm after having a fight with her?

Many things, actually. You didn’t really think of any repercussions, you were just angry, and very drunk. You felt played, almost, like Somi had taken your heart out and tossed it around before giving it back. And your intentions weren’t exactly clear either. Sure, you’d had some attraction toward him, jokingly calling him the ‘Cute Boy in all our classes’ to Yeji and her teasing you relentlessly when he joined the study group, but your vision was clouded with the rose colored sunglasses that Somi had put on you. And now that you took those off, you didn’t know anymore.

Again, he kissed you, and again you kissed back. You didn’t know what your intentions were, but you did know one thing.

In your life, it was easier to love him than it was to love her.

~

It was a long time before you saw her again, Somi. After that night with Jaemin, after waking up in his arms and feeling like something was right with him, you started to be together more. There wasn’t exactly a title on this relationship though, both of you had agreed to get to know each other better romantically first before pursuing it altogether, but this time there was a clear end goal, you both liked each other and you both hoped for something more and, this time, that sentiment existed outside of the confined space of his dorm. You even told your parents about him, they’ve even met him and they thought he was a nice young man, and right after that you screwed in his car.

Everything you had hoped to do with Somi, you did with him, and somehow they felt so much better. You thought you were fully moving on from her, that you had something good going on with Jaemin.

But tonight, with his arms wrapped around you while you watched some A24 film on his laptop, you got a text from her, something she hadn’t done in two months now.

‘Come over, please.’ You stared at the text, and so did Jaemin. You turned your phone over and his head falls on your shoulder.

“You should go over there,” he says. You twist to look at him, surprised at his comment. After that first night with him neither of you brought her up.

“Why?”

“I think you deserve that closure, and so does she,” he says.

“I don’t know, if I should, Jaem, what if I…” you didn’t finish your sentence. It would break his heart.

“What if you fall for her again?” He took the words right out of your mouth.

“I don’t think that will happen,” you shook your head.

“I’m pretty sure she fell for you, I think she fell hard. But I don’t think she realized it until after you left,” he says. “A lot of people don’t think about that. They don’t realize what they lost until it’s gone, you know?”

“Right, yeah,” you nodded. You didn’t really mourn what you’d lost with her, now that you thought about it. And the way it ended so abruptly, maybe that’s why.

Plus, you were afraid of the way your heart ached when you saw that text. A part of you must have still loved her, and Jaemin must have seen that.

“Are you sure?” You asked him.

“Why are you asking for my permission? She’s your first love.”

“I know but…” you shook your head.

“Go ahead, and call me if you need me to come get you,” he lets you go and you slid off his bed. “Go, (Y/N), go talk to her.”

“Do you think I’m ready?”

“Are we ever?” He closes his laptop.

“You’re not going to ask to walk with me?”

“I figured you’d want to do this alone.” It was cruel that he knew you so well and you barely knew him at all. He had always paid attention to you, and you were too busy looking at her to realize that.

“Thanks, Jaemin.”

“Yeah, of course, go ahead,” he watches you go.

You remembered the way so clearly, how to get to her apartment and which routes were the fastest. But standing at her door, you didn’t know what to expect. You always had this vague idea but now you weren’t so sure. It’d been a good amount of time, a lot can happen in two months, and here you were. You knocked on her door, and she opened it.

“Hi, you’re just in time,” she pulls you in and seats you on the couch. “I gotcha something,” she disappears into her room and comes back out with a present.

“Oh, uh… thanks, Somi,” you took it in her hands. “What’s the occasion?”

“Six months, right?” She tucks her hair behind her ears and you paused. So she was keeping count.

“Of what?” You asked her.

“Our relationship, right?” She says with a tightlipped smile. You pushed the present back into her hands.

“Don’t do this, Somi.”

“Don’t do what?”

“You know what,” you said.

“What? We took a break.”

“From what?” You asked her. You just wanted her to do one thing. You wanted her to tell you that you had something together, you wanted her to acknowledge that you loved her and she lead you on. How hard was it for her to say that you were in a relationship? No, no, you take it back. You don’t want her to just do that, you want her to apologize for what she said two months ago. That shit was horrible, all of it. But why did you feel yourself caving into her again? Why did you feel your heart beating toward her again? You were nothing more than a friend to her, she made that very clear, but here you were with that small hope of salvaging what was lost.

Really, would it kill her to just say those two words? I’m sorry. That’s all you ever wanted to hear from her, at least once. All those texts you got from her all asking you to come over and all of them you ignored, but you never had the heart to block her. You wanted to hear her acknowledge that what she did was wrong, you wanted her to know that what she did was so horrible to you, and you wanted her to know that what she did was fucked up. But, at the same time, you would be beside yourself to see her so upset, you hated to see the way she got too in her head about it and you couldn’t do anything to help her besides sitting next to her and lending a comforting ear.

But this?

You needed an apology for this.

No, you needed so much more than just an apology for this.

You sat in front of her dumbfounded. No words were exchanged between you and her, just intense silence. What she had just told you… it broke you. How could she even think that what she said back then was remotely alright?

“I don’t know why you’re so angry.”

“Are you serious? You don’t know why I’m mad?” You asked her. Somi nodded her head.

“I don’t…” her voice was so quiet.

“Somi I’m going to ask you this one more time… what are we?” You kept your gaze steady. “What am I to you, Somi?” She broke her already weakened eye contact with you and stared at her hands, before finally burying her face in them. “Somi, I need to hear it from you. What are we?” You repeated your question and her hands reached out to hold your face ever so softly, the same way she always did when she wanted you to listen to her.

“I love you, (Y/N), I love you,” she said instead, but you shook your head.

“No, I don’t think you do,” you reached up to pull her hands away from you, but she instead wraps her arms around you.

“I do, I do, I love you,” she held onto you like if she’d let go you’d leave forever. And after everything, maybe you would.

“Somi, let go,” you couldn’t hold her back. You couldn’t find it in you to.

“I can’t, I won’t,” she says.

“Let your best friend go,” you said with a more stern voice, and that stopped her movements. She released you slowly, keeping at least some contact with you. “I don’t get you, Somi. You said that there was nothing between us but here you are! The first time you tell me you loved me was right now after you ended things. God, I feel like I was never really important to you until after I left. I don’t think you ever took what we had seriously, and when you told me you did I don’t think you meant it. I love you, Somi. But I don’t think our definitions of love are the same,” you shook your head.

“I do love you,” she repeats.

“And you couldn’t have told me that two months ago?”

“No, I didn’t know then!”

“But you knew I loved you. You knew I did and still you said those things.”

“I take them back, all of them!”

“You can’t just do that, Somi!” You raised your voice. “You can’t just pretend that everything’s okay, it’s not! Answer my question, what were we?” You pressed her more and she shook her head.

“I don’t know what we were.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t! When I met you I just wanted something casual, but when I got to know you I wanted something more and I was afraid of that! I was afraid of loving you,” she says. “You know how my family is, what my culture is, it wouldn’t have been easy.”

“So you took the easy way out.”

“I… yeah. I did.”

“I can’t even blame you, I did the same thing,” you said quietly. “But… we could’ve worked something out. I really thought we could’ve. I was so ready to come out to my parents for you, but you weren’t. Somi, our whatever never left these walls. Whenever I saw you on campus you pretended that you didn’t see me, whenever I asked to go out with you you’d say you were busy, our whatever wasn’t good for either of us,” you shook your head. “I don’t blame you for taking the easy way, Somi, I just blame you for fucking with my feelings.”

“(Y/N)…” she reaches for you again, but you move away from her. You couldn’t look at her, either, because Jaemin was right, you were so sure that you’d fall for her again. She slides the present to you again and you clenched your jaw. “(Y/N), I’m sorry.” Fucking finally. Tears started to fall down your face, they landed on the wrapping paper beneath you and smudged the ink on the tag.

“You couldn’t have said that before?”

“I didn’t know how to.”

“And you expect us to be okay?”

“I do.”

“Then lower your expectations,” you said to her.

“No, (Y/N), let’s work this out.”

“Have you come out to your parents?”

“Have you?”

“I take that as a no,” you wiped the tears off your face quickly.

“It’s not that easy, (Y/N)! At least you’re still attracted to men! You coming out wouldn’t be as bad as me!” She shouts and you swallowed your gasp.

“Excuse me?!” You stood up, the present dropping onto the couch.

“No, no, I… I didn’t mean it like that!” She stands up too, grabbing your hands and holding them between you and her. You shook your head and took a deep breath.

“What did you want from me today?” You asked quietly.

“I… I wanted to be with you,” she said in a similar tone. “I wanted to tell you that I wanted to be with you, I want to take it a step further.”

“No, I can’t do that with you,” you shook your head.

“Why not?”

“God, Somi, have you not been listening to our conversation?” You exasperated. “Somi… we can’t be together, not right now, not ever,” you told her. “Somi what we had… it’s not healthy. We only saw each other in here, we only saw each other when we needed to see each other, and we never saw each other just because we wanted to. Somi that’s not a relationship, that’s toxic!”

“We can make it healthy!”

“No, we can’t! Listen to yourself! You’re just invalidating everything I’m telling you,” you pulled your hands from her grasp.

“(Y/N), please, I want to make this right!” She says.

“You already did, you apologized for it already, there’s nothing more that we need to do.”

“(Y/N), please,” she insists. “I’m moving back home, I’m going back to South Korea.”

“And? You want me to be in a relationship with you for however much time before you leave? That’s so fucked up,” you shook your head. “I shouldn’t have come today.”

“No, no, I’m so happy you came, (Y/N)!” She says. “Please don’t go.”

“I should leave, Somi, I really should,” you told her.

“I know, I know, I fucked up! I just wanted to spend one more night with you, (Y/N),” she says.

“No, that’s not a good idea, Somi.”

“Please—”

“Don’t you see that this is hard for me too? Somi I loved you so much that I sacrificed nearly as much just to see you! I lied to so many people because I wanted to be with you, but then you told me that that was nothing? And now you want something, I… I can’t,” you wiped your tears again. Somi takes a step back.

“You moved on quickly.”

“You said it yourself, there was nothing to move on from.”

“But there was.”

“And you didn’t know it until I left.”

“Yeah, I didn’t,” she says. She picks up the gift again and hands it to you. “At least take this.”

“Why?”

“Call it a goodbye gift.”

“Fine then.”

“(Y/N), you are my first love.”

“And so are you.” She was the first one you were actually serious about, the first one you wanted to work out, and the first one you thought you really loved.

“I want this to work out, but…” she takes a deep breath, “but you’re right. It’s bad for both of us.”

“Yeah,” you played with the ribbon on the gift. “When do you fly out?”

“Next week.”

“Have a safe flight,” you told her.

“Thank you,” she says. You stood up again, and this time she just followed you.

“I’ll head out now,” you looked at her with your hand on the doorknob.

“Wait…” she says. “You didn’t get me anything…” you sighed.

“What do you want, then?”

“Can… can I kiss you one more time?” She asks. You hesitated.

“Okay,” you turned to her fully and she wrapped her hands around your face before pressing her lips softly to yours. You had almost forgotten what they felt like, how soft they were and how they moved against yours, and if you didn’t come tonight maybe you would have entirely. You let her take her time, this was more for her than it was for you. And when she finally pulled away from you that’s when you felt your sadness catch up with you.

You did want something more with her. But you knew it wouldn’t work out. There would be thousands of miles between you both in a week and there was no feasible way for you both to be together, not with all that baggage from before.

“Goodbye, Somi,” you opened the door.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

And that’s how you said goodbye to your first love, the real one. Not some silly crush, not someone you knew you didn’t have a chance with, but someone who really impacted you, someone who changed you for the better. You finally mourned what you lost with her. And when you returned to Jaemin’s dorm, you moved back into his arms, and you held him close to you and he to him.

“She got you a gift?”

“She’s moving to Korea.”

“A goodbye gift, then.”

“Yeah,” you reached for it now, holding the gift in your hand. The tag just said her name and yours and nothing more. “Should I open it?”

“Gifts were meant to be open.” You pulled on the ribbon and tore the wrapping paper carefully, and inside was a small wooden box with Korean lettering across the top.

“What does it say?” You held it so that he could read it.

“Hamoni Moggong,” he recites. “I’m pretty sure it’s the company name, Harmony Carpentry,” he says.

“Huh,” you slid the top off and you pulled out the music box concealed within. When you opened it, a familiar tune played with a flower slowly spinning in the middle atop a small mirror. Inside of it was a slip of paper. You held it up, the whole thing was written in hangul, and you handed it to Jaemin. He read through it carefully before turning it around in his hands.

“Love from afar, these music boxes come in pairs, one for me and one for you,” he translates. And again you found yourself crying, and Jaemin couldn’t do anything more but to hold you close to him.

~

Then the years went by. And before you knew it, you had graduated with the same four people you’d started with. You and Jaemin were still together, now entering your third year of officially dating, while Yeji and Keeho constantly teased you both about it. But every now and then you caught yourself thinking of Somi, the first person to have made you feel loved and the first person you thought you’d be with forever, and it made you sadder.

A week after you saw her, you’d noticed she’d removed you on Tinder. You couldn’t see her instagram anymore, and you were blocked on her snapchat. And you didn’t know why, there was no way you could’ve reached out to her either, it was like she’d cut all contact, and that hurt you. She was the one who wanted to make things right but then she did that? And, to make matters worse, the summer of your senior year you got into yet another huge argument with your parents, one that near left you disowned, and when you’d run away from home, you knew that as soon as you’d come back, you were finished. You knew your parents too well, you knew what their discipline was like and, so, when you’d finally returned home, you deleted all traces of Somi from your photos, all your texts and all your memories, they were gone. And true to your predictions, your parents took all your devices away and reduced you to the child they saw you as.

And when you got your things back, when you’d all apologized to each other, you cried. Everything you had of Somi, of the girl you owed so much to, was gone, because you’d rather be completely disowned for deleting things from your phone than disowned for loving another woman. Even that beautiful music box she gave you, to your parents and everyone else, it was a gift from Jaemin. But to you and Jaemin it was proof of what you had before.

You never did come out to your parents. Being with Jaemin, loving him and him loving you, provided enough cover and a large enough shield for you to avoid it. And so your story with Somi ended that way. With a small music box collecting dust in your closet.

“Oh we gotta go on Space Mountain,” Keeho points at the map and Yeji checks her phone.

“The wait is three hours!” She shouts.

“Okay and? Genie pass,” he says.

“Oh, right… it’s redeemable for nine at night,” she says.

“What?!” Keeho looks at his phone too. The four of you had agreed to have a graduation trip to Disneyland of all the places, after Yeji had told you all that she’d never gone, it was a must.

“Ooh, we should do Small World too, we gotta hit the main attractions for Yeji,” you said.

“Got it, got it,” Keeho writes it down on his phone.

“You are surprisingly very good at planning things,” Jaemin teases.

“Hey! I’m an older brother, I have to be good at these things,” he says.

“(Y/N)?!” You swear you could hear your voice being called somewhere, and you stopped in your tracks, your friends looking confusingly behind you.

“Did you say my name, Jaem?” He was the only person behind you.

“No,” he shakes his head. “What’s up?” Jaemin asks.

“Did any of you guys call me?” You looked around.

“No, we’re just trying to get to the ferris wheel,” Keeho points at the large attraction.

“Well, no shit, but… hmm…” you looked back one last time and you felt your heart stop. The passerbys around you seemed to slow into blurs as you made eye contact with her and, again, you saw your name form on her lips, then you realized you were walking towards her with the voices of your friends drowning into the muted chatter of the crowd, then you realized she was walking towards you too, and now you’re both running.

“Somi?!” You called her name out just in case and you saw her nod, you saw her press her lips in a tight line and you saw her smile despite the sadness in her eyes and, just as you noticed the ringing in your ears, you both melted into each other’s embrace, and you felt that beautiful and wonderful feeling of being loved yet again. But at this moment, though you still held her tight, you realized something. If there was one thing you’d learned from university despite the obvious, it was that, for the better, nothing lasts forever.

And that’s okay.

~

Epilogue

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep in,” you rushed into the kitchen with your things practically spilling from your arms and your glasses refusing to stay on your face, you looked like a complete mess, you knew that, but when you looked up to greet her she instead cupped your face and pulled you into a gentle kiss. Your shoulders relaxed, backpack and all else clattering on the floor forgotten and hands instead brushing the hair from her face. The kiss was sweet and full of a yearning you couldn’t quite describe, it was as if it were something you had missed for a whole lifetime or something that you had only expected to experience in dreams. She’s perfect in every meaning of the word and at the same time she is imperfect in everything else.

But you love her. You love her so much.

When you separate you are filled with this strange desire that left you chasing after her. It was like your hearts were magnets, opposite charges that pull each other together, and that it did. Your arms were locked around her torso, your bodies fitted so perfectly against each other that it would have been criminal to separate you two. And, just like that, you felt like you were where you belonged.

“(Y/N),” her voice was so soft. It grew and blossomed in your chest and you could feel your smile widen. “(Y/N),” she repeats your name again and you looked up at her. There, her eyes, you could look at them forever and you could see your entire life with her.

A life where you would be with the one you loved and the one who loved you back. You could see the sleepy mornings that followed the passionate nights, you could see the way she would hold you so tenderly, the way she would frame your face in her hands and the way you’d do the same. You could feel her love radiating from her smile alone.

“Ennik…" her name was like a sacred thing to you. Her name was meant to represent strength, you learned that recently, yet to you it was the most gentlest word in your dictionary. A name so strong belonged to a woman so tender that it held a knew meaning. Then, as a sweet smile rose on her face, her nose brushed yours so slightly before she rose enough to kiss the tip. “I love you,” your words were lighter than the sun that surrounded you.

Somi beamed slightly, the closed-lip smile perfectly setting on her features.

Then, as if shaken into reality, a booming voice behind you.

“Somi!” The voice was so cold. You both turned and, like that, the fantasy had ended.

Somi pushed away from you and took a step back. The look in her eyes was one of solitary melancholy. She gave you one last hug and you held her tightly, as if you knew this was as much closure as you’d ever receive.

“I love you,” her voice broke you.

“I forgive you.” And yours broke her.

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic 

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[imaginespazzi]

Want to start by saying I have not actively book clubbed in a long time but I have been reading every single chapter and loving (sometimes hating but that’s the angst not ur writing) every minute of it.

Azzi feeling guilty about everything when she’s just trying her best is so sad like yes she did make some bad choices but their just reactions 

Paige being considered family right before the heartbreaking news I can’t 

Stephie having the same bipolar reaction of do I wanna beg for her to stay or hate her for her wanting to leave as azzi but stephie just letting it out shows so much about their connecting personalities 

Lowkey forgot drew was even there ngl 

No No No ICE you failed me Ik ur nosey asf you should’ve so known atleast something was going on with Paige why would you set our girl up like that 

Honestly the way Stephie was created makes sense but also what happened to her just appearing 

Them both admitting that they just want each other guys that is enough no body needs to move or do anything insane

Ain’t nobody gonna be doing anymore heart breaking please you guys gotta understand and give it a real chance also drew catch me outside for planting these insecure seeds in Paige’s head 

“Heartbreak is inevitable with me” NO ITS NOT 

Paige do not go playing around with those 3 crucial words rn absolutely not 

Them not being able to even go to sleep without each other I feel like says enough about the decision Paige needs to make

But overall I feel like this added so much to azzis development bc she’s not young and someone who can run around for love anymore she has stephie and she may love Paige but stephie comes first no matter what and she will not allow them to hurt her daughter no matter how much it make hurt her 

So excited when I read this and even though it put me through it was v good 

-💜💜 anon 

Aww lovie that is so okay, like y'all should never feel obligated to live-react and I will be happy with whenever you do and am always just glad that y'all are just enjoying the fic.

Azzi really went through it this chapter like girl really has the burden of the world her shoulders

My poor little Stephie-bean; she deserves a less masochistic author fr fr

LMAO Ice really did set Azzi up huh? All that encouragement only for Azzi to get the shock of her live.

Hahahaha listen feel free to ignore the existence of a man and just pretend Stephie just appeared one day like that's completely valid

Omg #protectDrewfromyou

In theory, yes I think it's quite simple outside looking in and I think to a degree Paige also know that she wants Azzi and Azzi wants her and that should be it. But she's got some lingering issues she's let fester.

Yes! Azzi has to think for two people and I think seeing Stephie break down really put it in perspective for her that she and Paige can't fall into old ways and they have to do what's right for Stephie above everything.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

so the nightbringer website is open now and from what it says, the mc is gonna be in this game too? and it seems like romance is still gonna be involved? I wasn't expecting that honestly, I was thinking mc wouldn't be apart of this at all.

but if this is the case, does that mean that we're gonna find out what mc really is (they obviously aren't human in canon, but not everyone thinks of mc the same way so that doesn't seem like a good choice on their part) or maybe it will be whoever mc was in the past life? the only other thing I can see is mc going back in time again but that also seems like a weird thing to do.

maybe I'm overthinking what's on the website but it's just not something I even considered until this moment lmao

still v excited for the new game, I really hope that even if they do keep mc as a main part in the game, that the romance is a small part of it (or rather that it's not thrown at you in every scene lol) and that we actually get a good story on how the brothers came to the devildom and more understanding on all of the characters in general.

(sorry if this is hard to understand, I'm sick and tired hehe)

Honestly (I might be completely wrong here) I think it's gonna take place in flashbacks or something similar? Like we're gonna be skipping between the past and present. Because the opening showed Luke in it and he (as stated in S3) wasn't alive while the brothers were still angels/during the time of the fall. Plus it showed Thirteen with Diavolo but S4 heavily implied that she first visited the Devildom in S4 itself. So if this is the case then MC and the romance elements would be taking place in the present (though I wouldn't mind seeing MC interact with the brothers when they were angels again, tbh)

I think this game is what's gonna be used to introduce Michael? He's been built up since S1 but some of the things said about him makes him seem like a heavily morally grey character and exploring that in a game like OM! which is just straight up a wholesome otome game won't work because he'll have to be watered down in order to become a LI. But if they introduce him in nightbringer through flashbacks (possibly in anticipation of him appearing in the present) then they wouldn't have to worry about watering him down as much (specially because the opening hints at nightbringer being more lore and angst driven)

I would really like to know more about what the hell MC is because, like it or not, general MC does have a lot of canon facts about them that are sprinkled throughout the game (here's my post that lists all of them) and the fact that they're not fully human is one of them that is brought up as early as in Season 1 (also the time it's brought up the most clearly/directly) and then hinted at/reintroduced in the following 3 seaons (post w/ canon evidence)

(get well soon! And take a nap!!)

EDIT:

I just checked out the website and okay it actually looks really good! The quotes from each brother!!!! Also looks like it might actually jump between past and present but in the form of timetravel rather than flashbacks? Not proper timetravel where they'll manage to remember each other later but something similar to what happened in S3 maybe? Okay but the fic potential of this!!? The angst potential!!!?

MC HAS TO MAKE PACTS WITH THEM AGAIN BUT NOW THEY'RE ALL NEWLY TRAUMATISED I'M CACKLING THIS IS SO FUNNY MC WENT THROUGH SHIT TO MAKE THOSE PACTS THE FIRST TIME AROUND AND THAT WAS AFTER THE BROTHERS HAD CENTURIES? MILLENIA? TO CALM DOWN. NOW MC'S GOTTA DO IT ALL AGAIN, BE A THERAPIST ALL OVER AGAIN EXCEPT SOMEHOW EVERYTHING’S GOTTEN SO MUCH WORSE ANDKNXIDNDN someone should start paying them for this shit 😭😂💀

Okay so the format (regarding the romance) might be similar to S1? Few romantic elements sprinkled throughout but mainly focusing on the therapy and found family elements until the very end?

Also from the three brothers who mention The Fall in their quotes (Mammon, Levi and Asmo) Mammon seems to be the only one who has (at least to an extent) made peace with it?

[laladellakang]

insecurities

masterlist | wattpad

italics dialogue = english

della doesn't let most hate get to her, but that doesn't mean she's impenetrable

contains: angst, insecurities (anxiety), unintentional self-harm. just dark stuff.

i've been through it lmao. sorry it's really triggering.  a few of you requested angst and i'm not really good at that so i bring forward stuff that's inspired by what i've gone through (altered because della's problems are different from mine)

after 'we missed you'

"Guys! Come out!" Jake yelled out. "Gather in the living room! Everyone!" he made his way to the couch while holding Della's hand.

"I'm scared..." she told Jake timidly.

"It's okay. Just get it done and we'll go back to normal in no time," he didn't want to tell her that it would go well, as he himself won't know just how angry his other members will be. "Good luck."

Besides, she was greatly at fault.

Jake could see the amusement and relief on the guys' faces as they slowly came to the living room. On the other hand, Della only stared at her lap with wide eyes, trying to hold back tears and a potential panic attack..

"What is it?" Jungwon asked, closing the master bedroom door behind him.

"Della has something to say," Jake leaned back with crossed arms. "Lala?"

"I-" she took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry for ignoring all of you," short and simple.

The seven men stayed quiet while patiently waiting for an explanation, yet the girl was as still as a rock.

"Is that it? Tell them what you told me," the sternness in Jake's voice was evident, though not to the point of being mistaken for anger.

"A.. sasaeng- a crazy fan got a hold of my Katalk contact and they said some things that really got to me," her eyes were starting to tear up again.

"She didn't report to the company or to us," Jake added.

"It was so fucking dumb. I was hoping that I could have you guys hate me and eventually break up with me so you can move on and get proper girlfriends who's not shitty and fucked like me and have them all to yourselves-" Della suddenly went on and on.

"Della stop," Jay cut her off.

"But at the same time, I don't want that at all and I want to keep things as they are-" Sunghoon called her name next, yet she still kept going. "But then that's incredibly selfish of me because who the fuck has more than one lover and just lets them share?"

"Kang Della," even Heeseung resorted to her full name.

"It's incredibly dumb and I should've just talked to you guys about it if it really bothered me that much but I was just thinking that getting you all to hate me was best for you to move on but then I didn't consider our group dynamic and-" that's when Niki had enough, so he shut her up with a kiss.

'Shit- I was about to do that," all six remaining boys thought.

"Della, listen.." Niki pulled back to let the girl focus on Jungwon's words. "I'm not going to lie, what you did was really shitty. All of us just felt like shit for the past few days," anyone could tell the leader was mad and serious.

"None of us will blame you for getting hurt over some stranger's words or for having insecurities. It's more about how it doesn't seem like you trust us enough," Jungwon continued sternly. "You have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven boyfriends. We're your members and best friends, you can tell us anything."

"Jungwon-ah," Sunoo shook his head at the leader.

"Look, I don't want to make you feel worse or anything but we gotta make that clear first," Jungwon continued. "We love you, Della! We won't leave you that easily! You can ignore us for months and we'll still come back to you," he pulled her head into his stomach (as he was still standing in front of her) and caressed the sobbing girl's hair.

"Don't do that again, okay? You trust us, right?" Heeseung rubbed her back, and the girl could only nod in response. "I don't wanna add fuel but doing that is never going to work. All it does is just hurt us- hurt all of us including yourself."

"I'm sorry," Della kept sobbing into Jungwon's shirt. "I'm so sorry."

"Anything else? The ones who didn't speak?" Heeseung looked at the other members.

"I just want all of this to be over and done with. Don't ever do that again please. That's a stupid reason to break up," Jay had his arms crossed and let one hand go to stroke her hair for a bit.

"That's right. Della don't do that ever again please, just talk to us. Any one of us," Sunoo just stared at the many hands comforting her. "You're not fighting this alone. This hurts. It really does."

"I have nothing else to add. I just want this done," Niki managed to sneak an arm to her thigh to gently rub up and down.

"Ack! That tickles," Della's thigh suddenly shoots up, causing the members to chuckle.

Heeseung noticed that one member remained silent and was physically further away compared to the others.

He focused his gaze on Sunghoon and saw that the guy looked really angry, more so than the leader, who immediately let out his feelings. He was spaced out and had his jaw clenched. It was clear that he had a lot on his mind.

The younger seemed to feel the pair of eyes on him, for he snapped out of it to meet Heeseung's stare. The two stayed that way until Jungwon eventually broke it.

"Sunghoon-hyung?" Sunghoon looked over at everyone else. They were all (including Della) looking at him.

He sighed before opening up his arms for Della to enter.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm really angry right now," he whispered into her ear. "I thought that you trust me, trust us- any of us. I wouldn't be mad if it wasn't a big deal but it is and you brought seven other people down with you. You shouldn't do that," he could feel Della's tears soaking his shirt. 

"You trust us, right?" he continued. The girl could only nod frantically. "You love us, right? We're not just members, are we?" she nodded again with an additional whine. "Don't do that again, okay? Talk to us. You always said communication is key. It'll save everyone the heartbreak and emotions, yeah?"

"I'm sorry, oppa," Della hugged him tighter. "I'll try my hardest," Sunghoon let out a sigh.

"Honestly, I would have probably asked for some space right now but since you already gave me- gave us that, I just want things back to normal. Make it up to us, I'm sure they're also still pissed. They just miss you too much to admit it," he stroked her hair. "Alright?" she let out a small 'okay' "Okay. Let's stop crying. Let's talk or something. Go cuddle with someone," he kissed her head before pulling away and directing her back to the couch.

"Can we see the texts?"

[kdl]

2023 is shit already.

I hate myself.

I hate myself so fucking much.

No matter how many negative comments I get, no one could ever hate Della as much as Della herself.

It's true that hate can barely get to me, though that doesn't mean I'm immune to everything. 

Why is everyone so adamant about the guys dating Aespa?

And suddenly with the slightest curiosity, my Tiktok for-you-page is now filled with the boys' ships.

I was mostly fine with them. Obviously, since idols aren't (mainly) in control of that. Yet I just can't help it at times. The images of how good they look together constantly cloud over my mind- I'm sick and tired of it.

There's a reason why I can't seem to get too close with certain girl groups or members.

It pains me to distance myself from the girls of Aespa or Stayc or heck- even some of the Ive girls just because of my dumbass insecurity. They seem like such lovely people but I can't even look at them in real life without thinking of the fucking ship contents.

Fuck, don't even get me started on the ones with my actual friends. 

Unbearable anxiety keeps creeping into me whenever Wonyoung or Yuna apologises for shit they're not even responsible for. Most of my texts with (half of) the Le Sserafim girls are their long-ass apologies.

What if they don't want to be my friends anymore? What if they're uncomfortable with all of this?

Wouldn't have happened if you didn't catch feelings, dumb fuck. You should've known not to fall in love. This is what you get.

I'm going through all this personal stuff already and guess what's the cherry on top of this shit sandwich.

The hate is worse than ever before. A lot worse than when Enhypen first started- and that's saying a lot.

There are hundreds- maybe thousands (okay that's an extreme exaggeration) of videos, comments, and posts that hate on every single fucking thing I do.

I noticed that it started from me getting a bit touchy with the guys during award shows. By touchy, I mean by holding their hands when I start to get really anxious. Apparently, it was seen as 'pick me behaviour' since I wouldn't let peoples' ship moments happen for long.

Then it spiralled into people compiling all the moments where I acted really 'territorial' or 'pick me' around the guys. Then it just went to everything. My singing. My dancing. My rap. My clothes. My mannerisms. My habits. The way I talk, eat, walk, look at people- everything.

What's worse is that even some of my fans are starting to agree.

I could usually cheer up a bit if I focus on the positive posts but even Engenes are saying stuff like 'I love Della but she's...' 'Della's my girl but...' 'I don't wanna hate on Della but...'

It wouldn't stop. It came to the point where I had to avoid all social media, including Weverse, just so I can have a chance to breathe. Even then, I still have this shit anxiety to deal with.

The boys, my friends, my family, the loyal fans, the concerts are all there to distract and comfort me. I've been very vocal to the guys and I'm actually attending weekly therapy. 

It worked, of course, but it's not permanent. Over a month has passed, yet the anxiety keeps coming back.

It got so bad that my therapist advised me to go see a psychiatrist for medication options, which I would gladly do. The company disagreed though. Something about how antidepressants make people gain weight.

I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I just want to disappear.

I hate how I have anxiety. I hate how I'm not good enough. I hate how I can't be happy. I hate myself, I just hate Della so much.

"DELLA, NO!" Niki abruptly grabbed the grater from me and hugged me tight. "STOP. STOP. SNAP OUT OF IT!" he shook me a little. What?

"Huh?" I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. 

"HYUNG, GET A TOWEL!" he pointed to a towel nearby. What?

"Holy shit- JAY-HYUNG! GET A FIRST AID KIT!" Sunoo wrapped the towel around my right hand.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" the other guys apart from Jay came into the kitchen frantically.

"Della- Lala was grating and- and she grated her hand," Sunoo looked at them with wide eyes. Huh?

"Holy fuck- why is there so much blood?" Jay entered with the first aid kit.

Suddenly I felt a terrible sting on my palm. I turned my attention to the hand Sunoo was holding and could see the heavily red-tinted towel.

I was grating potatoes. I was getting close to the end of it so I held it with my open palm, as I usually do... and then I guess I zoned out. 

Oh shit, the potatoes.

"The- the potatoes," I looked at the most recently grated ones. They were unusable. They were completely red.

"DELLA, FUCKING SNAP OUT OF IT!" Niki shook me again.

"How did you not feel that?!" Jake yelled. 

"I... I..." I didn't know what to say. It was painful, yet familiar. "I- potatoes- dinner."

"DELLA PLEASE!" Sunoo screamed out, hanging his head down.

"PLEASE, STOP!" "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT" I could hear the others yelling too.

"Let's sit her down. Niki, bring her to the living room," Jungwon instructed shakily. "Come on, Lala."

"My- my hand," it hit me. My hand was completely fucked. It wasn't even a small injury like how it usually is.

"It's okay. It's okay. Look, Jay's treating it," Sunghoon tried to calm my building-up panic attack, even though his voice was also filled with nerves.

"I'm sorry," yet I couldn't help it. My eyes brimmed with tears and my voice started to shake. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop, stop. It's getting treated right now, it's okay," Heeseung pat my head with a sniffle.

"This is gonna sting. I'm sorry, Della," Jay's voice sounded like he had a lump in his throat. "One, two, three."

Now this familiar feeling, I hate. Treating the wounds hurt so much.

I hissed loudly at the pain, while the members tried to calm me down by saying reassuring words. Their voices overlapped one another's, but it was mostly 'shhh's, 'it's okay's, and 'just a little bit more's.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" I screamed in pain. "I didn't mean to, I swear!" I cried out.

"We know, we know," Niki rubbed my shoulder. I was sat on his lap as he was still holding me.

"Almost there," Jay croaked out. "Just gotta wrap it."

"I hate myself so much, I don't know what to do," I sobbed into Sunoo's arm. I talked to the boys, I talked to my therapist. I did it right this time. So why am I still like this?

"I'm sorry, Lala," Jungwon held my uninjured hand. "I wish we can take this away from you."

"Do you want to have a break? A hiatus? We can talk to the company together," Heeseung offered.

"Noo, not now," I managed out. "The- the tour, the comeback, fashion week-"

"Don't worry about it. You need to have some rest, Della," Jake ran a hand through his hair.

"The company-" I was cut off by a chorus of 'we'll help's and 'we'll talk to them's.

I was the only member of Enhypen who is not allowed to have a hiatus. If I had to go on one, the whole team does too. The company said they can't have Enhypen look like a boy group or people would get used to it and say it looks better that way.

"No! Please! Give me one more chance- I'll get better, please!" I can't be selfish. I can't be selfish.

"You're not being selfish, Della, please," Sunghoon pleaded.

"NO! PLEASE! JUNGWON PLEASE!" I turned to the leader. If I can convince him, everyone will follow. "Please... One more chance. Please."

"But Lala.. You-" his eyes glossed over the state I was in. "Look at you! We can't let you move on like this!"

"Psychiatrist!" Niki spoke up. "She can take the medicine," he tried to somewhat defend me.

"I-" I wanted to protest but I knew I had to agree. Look at your boyfriends, Della. You fucking hurt them. Again.

And again.

And again and again and again-

Shut the fuck up.

"Yes! Try the medication, please, Della," Jake sounded desperate and lost.

"What if it doesn't wo-"

"IT HAS TO!" Jay yelled, causing all of us to flinch. "IT FUCKING HAS TO!"

"Jongseong-ah," Heeseung tried to calm him down.

"If it doesn't work then hiatus! Leave the group! Anything! Just please-" his voice cracked again. "Just come back. Get better, please."

No. Anything but leaving the group. I can't let something as dumb as my insecurities get in the way of my dreams that I worked so fucking hard on. Both the career of my dreams and the relationship of my dreams.

And after going through so many member departures, I know how heartbreaking it is for the fans and members.

This anxiety has to get better. It has to.

"Either way, we piss off the company, right?" I joked with a small chuckle. "Might as well choose the option that'll make me look hotter."

My aim was to make them laugh a little. Instead, I got them crying even harder.

"I love you all so much. I'm so sorry you have to deal with m-" Sunoo managed to speak through his tears and cut me off.

"We're not dealing with anything, Della. We'll go to the ends of the planet to find a cure for you."

happy birthday month to della and i. happy anniversary month to della and the guys 🤍 i'll try to update as much as i could. starting things off a little dark..

requested:— we missed you pt. 2— angst— della regarding enha x aespa— della hiatus (though it's only talks of it)— della gets into an accident (though not as extreme as a car crash)

taglist! @afiaaaa19 @riikiblr @one16core @toriluvsfics @i90snoo @danyxthirstae01 @seulgifted @cla-iii @hiqhkey @nichmeddar @jiwlys @duolingofanaccount @nvmbheart @studioreader @sarang-wonie @fairydosii @hoonstrology @jaetint @4sahii @8-itsmee-8

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 - Tom Bennett

Oh boy, this one's...a lot lmao. My first fic of the year and probably the only one for awhile. I was so stoked to write it so hopefully anyone who reads this is stoked about it too. This took so long, especially cause I have a super tedious boring class this semester, hence why I'm not writing as much as I used to. But here it is, primed and ready for ya. Enjoy!

Summary: You and Tom work at the same FBI agency, the both of you having a tense rivalry. Sprinkle a little friends-with-benefits relationship on top of that while going on an undercover mission where you must get along to get the job done, what could go wrong?

Warnings: modern!special agent!Tom Bennet, undercover mission (haha the title, get it, okay..), enemies (?) to lovers/rivals to lovers, more like FWB to lovers, Tom's kind of a dick (so is reader) but like to protect himself (and some misogyny, also to protect himself), smoking, tw guns (violence and injury), slight whump, oo boy this one's gotta lot of gratuitous SMUT (MINORS DNI), dubcon-ish, fingering, forced exhibitionism, public sex (kinda)...on a plane, oral (m and f!receiving), ANGST and feels, teasing, jealousy, possessiveness, kinda toxic relationship, confessions, eventual fluff, light dom/sub vibes, orgasm denial and control, slight praise kink and degradation, conveniences will convenience (all I know about undercover missions is what I watched on White Chicks okay, so don't expect some well thought out plans)

word count | 10.8k (oops)🤙🏻

You weren’t planning on signing up for a high risk mission when you went into your agency’s meeting this morning, but something overtook you when you learned Tom would be going on this mission as well.

You never planned to care about him ever since the two of you got involved. You were just coworkers with a little something on the side, nothing serious. In fact, the two of you hated each other ever since you started working with him. You both always took every chance to one up each other, trying to clamber over one another to get higher rankings in your profession, never hesitant to step on each other’s toes to succeed.

The two of you only started hooking up almost a year ago. You were both drunk, celebrating another hard won mission and it just happened. You both were lonely, your profession not always making it easy to trust someone who’s not yourself. It was purely transactional. But then Tom started being more vulnerable with you, making you laugh and happier than you had been before you met him. It made your head spin. You thought about calling it off immediately, but the sex was just so good, his company even more, and you did actually start to care for the man. 

Though, it made your rivalry at work dial the intensity up to eleven, taking out your frustrations on each other when the sun went down. But the look Tom was giving you after you had volunteered to your director, you had a feeling your benefits relationship might end sooner than you’d like.

After the meeting ended, you walked out with the onslaught of other agents that were desperate to beat the five o'clock traffic to get home. But you were yanked back by Tom, him grabbing your arm and forcing you to trail behind your other coworkers. “Take it back.” He seethed.

“What?” You bit back, your brows furrowing and instinctively trying to pull back from him.

“What? You know what. Tell our director you changed your mind.”

You scoffed, ripping your arm out of his bruising grip. “No, fuck you.”

“You did this to annoy me, I get it. Good job, you fucking succeeded, now take it back. This is my mission. I don’t need you getting in my way.”

“I’m just as good of an agent as you, dickhead. If anything, you’d be in my way. Now stop complaining, cause I’m not gonna change my mind. So, are we done now? Or are you going to continue whining like a little pussy?”

Tom only growled in response as he stormed off, throwing a tantrum like he often did when he didn’t get his way. It didn’t deter you. This mission would do wonders for your career, it would surely boost your rank to a higher level. No amount of whining from anyone was going to make you miss that opportunity.

Suffice to say, Tom didn’t show up for his nightly visit at your apartment. It was probably for the best, he’d just spend the entire time trying to make you quit the mission. But you were too determined, and you weren’t one to chicken out. You needed to prove to yourself that you could take on a mission such as this.

When you came into work the next morning for the debriefing, Tom was standing up against his car smoking a cigarette, clearly waiting for you. You only scoffed and walked past him, but he didn’t take too kindly to that. “Have you changed your mind yet?” He asked as he stood in front of you to block your path, blowing smoke in your face because he knew how much that annoyed you.

“Like I said yesterday, Bennett: I’m not changing my fucking mind.” 

This time when you tried to walk past him, he let you. You could hear him angrily stomping out his cigarette with the sole of his shoe before he sped up to walk beside you into the agency building.

You, Tom, and your handler all lined up in front of your director to go over what the mission would entail. It was intense, the most difficult mission you would probably ever have. You were tasked with helping catch a crime boss. The man would be at a hotel on an island resort in the middle of the Caribbean. Your agency’s sources say that he’s planning on making a big deal in order to gain a new ally. Guns, ammunition, drugs, so many things you both would need to be on the lookout for. It was intimidating to be sure, but not enough to scare you away like you knew Tom was hoping for. No, you wouldn’t give in that easily. You were up for the task. You wanted to do anything you could to put away such an evil man.

But clearly, Tom didn’t notice the pure determination on your face as you walked out of the debriefing. “How ‘bout now?”

“Nope. Stop asking. I’ll keep telling you the same thing again and again.”

“This isn’t some low risk mission, L/n. We’re not trying to catch a fuckin’ lowlife predator here. This is a crime boss. An extremely dangerous man that can have us killed with one word if he even suspects what we’re doing there. Don’t you get that?” Tom whisper shouted, trying not to draw attention to himself despite the outburst, poking into your collarbone roughly.

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“Stupider.”

You rolled your eyes. “I know what I’m getting myself into, Bennett. I wouldn’t have signed up otherwise.” Honestly, it wasn’t the danger of getting killed that made you nervous about this mission, it was the fact that you and Tom would have to pretend to be newlyweds on your honeymoon. A perfect cover for where you two were going. It almost made you laugh.

All your time preparing to travel to this island, Tom would barely talk to you, only glaring at you and giving you one word responses or hums whenever you’d try to talk to him. If he wanted to be petty, fine. You could be petty too, not in front of your boss though, unfortunately. You were sure if your boss knew what you and Tom got up to outside of office hours, he would not be sending you on this mission with him. Although it was well known how you and Tom rivaled with each other throughout the workplace, you had to be somewhat professional, up until you were alone with him of course. You had no idea how you’d be able to share a bedroom with him without resorting to killing each other…or refrain from hate fucking each other. Even the morning plane ride over would be difficult, especially with the way Tom kept looking at you.

“Ya know, it wouldn’t be too late to back out. No one would judge you.” Tom spoke up as you both were waiting to board your flight.

You just kept your mouth shut tightly, just so not in the mood to argue with the man at such an early hour, especially since you weren’t able to have caffeine. You prayed you could just sleep all during the flight without arguing or crying babies. There weren’t babies on the plane, but Tom didn’t seem to notice your purposeful ‘don’t talk to me’ bitch face. Either that, or he just didn’t care.

“I still don’t think you’re ready for this.”

“Did I ask for your opinion, Bennett? No, I didn’t, so shut the fuck up.”

Tom only smirked, smug that he managed to get under your skin once again. “You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.” He whispered, shaking his head and leaning back in his seat.

“Oh, the feeling is mutual.” 

The animosity didn’t end there like you hoped it would, instead Tom took it upon himself to try to embarrass you as much as possible. You gave him a stern look as you started to feel his hand reach underneath your thin blanket to trail up your thigh. “Do not.” You scowled, trying to push his hand away but ultimately failing. He was too strong.

You inhaled sharply as he cupped your center roughly, wincing before glaring at him. Your glare faltered as he leaned in to whisper in your ear. “You think you can talk to me that way?” He teased gruffly, forcing his hand in your sweatpants and underwear, a surprisingly soft smile pulling at his lips as he felt the slick that was pooling at your entrance. “Whore.”

You gripped onto his forearm tightly as he toyed with your clit, purposely digging your nails into his skin to try to get him to stop, but all he did was wince and pinch you, causing you to gasp. You quickly put your hand over your mouth and subtly looked around to see if anyone noticed, but everyone seemed to be sleeping or occupied with something else. Truthfully, no one was even thinking of glancing in your direction, but you were so paranoid that you’d be caught. “I don’t want to get an indecent exposure fine, Bennett.” You snarled, trying to come off as angry as you were, but Tom’s fingers had already tamed you into a state of submission as they had done so many times before. It wasn’t any less irritating, but god, he was good with his hands.

You flinched in your seat as Tom pushed two of his fingers inside you right off the bat, your eyes briefly rolling to the back of your skull, trying not to moan by taking slow deep breaths. You were suddenly very thankful that you spent so many of your younger years trying to keep as quiet as possible while masturbating so as to not alert any potential family members in the same house of what you got up to in the privacy of your own room, but this felt way more difficult.

You whimpered into your palm as Tom’s dexterous fingers curled against that sensitive spot along the front of your walls, biting into your own skin to keep your whines in your throat, your brows furrowing obviously to anyone that might pay attention. “Fuck.” You cried softly, looking up at Tom with pleading eyes as your chest heaved against your now suffocating t-shirt. “I can’t.”

“You can, darling.”

To make matters worse, the seatbelt sign turned off. 

People around you started to rise up out of their seats to get stuff out of their carry-ons or go to the bathroom, and the flight attendants started to make their rounds to give the passengers their stupid complimentary peanuts. And of course, a flight attendant peaked around your row with a smile right as you felt your climax grow rapidly. You bit the inside of your lip hard, feeling the metallic taste of blood coat your tongue.

“Hello there, we’re handing out some crisps, pretzels, and candy if you’d like any.” The lady asked you politely, hopefully completely unaware of what was going on beneath your blanket. You quickly shook your head, a pained hum escaping your lips as Tom focused his efforts on your clit. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, I’m okay. Just a stomachache.” You lied, the wavering timbre in your voice bringing a sympathetic frown to the flight attendant’s face.

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry. I can bring you a Sierra Mist, if you’d like?”

Jesus Christ, lady, just fucking go away. “No, thank you. Really, I’m fine.” You cleared your throat a bit too loudly to cover up an oncoming moan, your face flushing with heat as a couple people from other rows looked over at you curiously.

“Okay. And how about you?” The lady directed her attention to Tom, who did not even attempt to hide his smug smirk. “Would you like any snacks, sir?”

“No, thanks, miss. I brought my own.” Cheeky bastard.

“Okay, well, we’re almost to our destination. So, make sure all your belongings are overhead before we land.” And with that, the flight attendant finally left you to continue suffering.

“I’m going to kill you.” You hissed, slapping Tom’s shoulder as you allowed your head to lean back against the chair as you felt the first pangs of euphoria wash over you. You grit your teeth and leaned forward to cover your face with your hands, hiding your orgasm face from Tom and the rest of the plane. You took shuddering breaths as you rode out your high, tapping his arm aggressively when pleasure veered into oversensitivity.

You felt your ears pop as the plane lowered closer to the ground. You didn’t even realize the pilot had spoken before you felt the plane bank to the right, unintentionally forcing you to lean closer to Tom, whose face you couldn’t even stand to look at. He pulled his hand away from you, making you look at the mess you made on his fingers. You looked away in fury as he started to suck on his fingers, quietly moaning at the taste of you. You could hear his chuckles as you refused to watch him mock you.

“Hope you had a good flight!” The same flight attendant lady chirped as you and Tom exited the plane.

Fuck you, you so badly wanted to say, but Tom didn’t allow that. As if he could sense your hostility (that he caused) and unwillingness to imitate niceties, he quickly uttered out a polite thanks before guiding you off the plane like you were a child who couldn’t take care of themselves.

Man, this was going to be a long, miserable “vacation.”

You would be lying if you said you weren’t impressed with the honeymoon suite you’d be staying in. Though, checking in was a nightmare. You never thought pretending to be all coupley and in love was part of the job description. Alas, you walked into the lobby with Tom’s arm around your shoulder and the two of you wearing the most genuine fake smiles you could muster. One plus was you had already spotted one of the crime boss’ henchmen. 

“Are you sure?” Tom had asked.

Of course you were sure. You had studied every picture of every face the agency presented you with, down to the freckles and moles they may have had. You weren’t going to fuck this up, you’d never live it down; Tom would make sure of it.

You both informed your handler that you made it safely to the resort, already finding evidence that the crime boss was indeed there too. You just had to lay low, look out, and not get caught. This is what you lived for, it was so exhilarating and you wouldn’t let Tom ruin this for you.

“We should head down to the pool, see if we can spot another guy.” You voiced, pulling out your bathing suit from your suitcase, but Tom stopped you by placing a hand on yours. “What, Bennett? We can’t waste time on this.”

“You still haven’t paid me back for what I did for you on the plane.” He spoke with a dark lust in his eyes, his pupils almost completely swallowing his bright blue iris’. 

You rolled yours. “I didn’t ask for that, if you recall.” You said with a scoff and moved to get changed, but he didn’t let you go, instead forcing you to your knees where you found his already hardened cock trying to burst through his tight shorts. You silently cursed to yourself as you already found yourself throbbing at the sight of him looking down at you hungrily.

“Well? My cock ain’t gonna suck itself.”

You resisted the urge to smile, lifting your hand to gently palm his cock through his shorts before tugging them down, your mouth watering as it bobbed up at you. Tom hummed as you licked a stripe up the underside of his dick, even the slightest of approval making you whine as you squeezed your thighs together. 

“Uh, uh.” Tom rebuked, lifting you up from the floor to make you sit at the edge of the king sized bed, forcing your legs apart and standing in between them. “None of that. No pleasure for you. Just be a good little whore and suck me off.” He threaded his fingers into your hair, curling his hand into a fist to tug at your roots, pushing you forward until your lips hit the tip of his cock. On instinct, you wrapped your lips around him and sucked hard, earning a guttural groan from him. “That’s it.” He didn’t hesitate to buck into you, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag just to tease you. He kept doing that until tears were streaming down your face, causing him to smirk. “So pretty.” He whispered, wiping a tear away with his thumb, but continuing to fuck your mouth with little care how you felt.

Meanwhile, you didn’t know if you were crying because his cock kept making you gag or because you had absolutely zero stimulation to your clit. It was throbbing painfully, and Tom still kept your legs apart. Was this still punishment for talking back to him on the plane? He was one of the most pettiest men you had ever known, so you wouldn’t put it past him. But not allowing you to pleasure yourself felt like a new low, even for him.

Your hands gripped onto his thighs, squeezing them whenever you needed a break, him pulling away briefly to let you breathe before slamming back into you again. But he was close, you could tell. The way his moans got louder and breathier, and his hold on you tightened to the point you were almost afraid he’d rip the hairs out of your head. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna come.” He announced with a groan, stilling in your mouth as his release shot down the back of your throat. 

Tom slowly loosened his hold on you as he tried to catch his breath, petting and soothing the spot on your head where he gripped the hardest. “Okay…” He spoke with a stutter. “Yeah, let me clean up and I’ll meet you at the pool in a few minutes.” And with that, he left you sitting on the bed while he locked himself in the bathroom.

Well, that was a little odd, you thought. But you didn’t think about it any further. You quickly got changed and headed down to the pool, hoping a short dip would rid you of the overwhelming heat you felt in your body from not being able to do anything about your arousing situation. No matter, if Tom wasn’t going to help you out then you’d just get yourself off in the shower that night. You had bigger issues to deal with at the moment.

Scanning over the crowd at the extravagant looking pool, you couldn’t seem to spy any persons out of the ordinary. Just a bunch of families and couples and the occasional old rich woman. Feeling a bit disheartened, you sat down on a poolside chair with a quiet huff, throwing your towel over the backrest and laying out, the sun quickly warming your skin. It felt nice, but it would feel even nicer if you knew you weren’t on the clock.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Tom’s voice jolted you out of your sunbathing intermission, now sporting his own pair of swimming trunks and tank top, any sign of being flustered from your previous tryst was completely gone. Only now, you could tell he was flustered for a different reason.

It probably wasn’t necessary, but you had bought a bit of a slutty bathing suit for this occasion. You figured if on the off chance you had to seduce a criminal, it would be best to do it in an outfit that showed off all your…assets. It definitely seemed to be working on Tom. Maybe it could work on someone else. “My super special undercover swimsuit. What about you, Mr. Palm Trees?” You teased, eyeing his obnoxious colored print on his shorts.

“It’s called looking the part, wife. We’re on our honeymoon, not a dating show.” And with that, Tom lifted his tank up and off himself, the sight of his toned torso making heat flood to the apex of your thighs. He smirked when he caught you staring. “Think you’re drooling a bit, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me that.” You chided, but it only made Tom chuckle. You huffed in defeat, returning to your previous position of subtly checking out the tenants around the pool.

“We should go in.” Tom gestured to the pool, but before you could refuse, “We have to look believable, remember? Who goes to a pool and doesn’t get in the water?”

You couldn’t hide your clenched jaw as you rose from your seat, standing at the edge of the concrete ground and delicately dipping your toes in the chlorine loaded water to check the temperature. It wasn’t too cold, but you’d definitely wanted to slowly ease your way in. Unfortunately, Tom didn’t give you much of a choice, promptly pushing you off the edge. Your body tensed up as the cool water enveloped you, goosebumps rising all over your body as you quickly came up for air, gasping loudly. You wore a deep scowl on your face as Tom’s boisterous laughter polluted the area, able to hear it even when you were submerged. “Arsehole.” You spat, splashing water up at him aggressively.

“So, you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing to me if you had the chance?” He raised a brow, his crooked smile on display, the sight making unwanted flutters swirl in your stomach.

“Touché.” You grumbled. “Still a dick move.” Tom didn’t waste anymore time on land, crouching and leaping into the water, careful not to let the water go above his head. He swam over to you with a mischievous look on his face, and to you, that only meant one thing. “Don’t come anywhere near me.” You warned.

“Oh, come on, Mrs. Bennett. I don’t bite.” He teased, taking your unamused expression as a sign to grab your hips and pull you onto him, wrapping your legs around his waist and holding you up by your bottom effortlessly thanks to the water. You had no choice but to let him, not willing to risk your cover. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders reluctantly, trying your best to wear a loving smile on your face. But you soon faltered as Tom leaned in close, his lips right next to your ear. “I know this isn’t what you wanted when signing up for this mission, but you have to at least tolerate it. Behind closed doors when no one is around, you can bitch and whine all you like; but in public, you have to be in love with me.” He pulled away to look into your eyes seriously. “Understand, wife?”

You swallowed your pride and smirked seductively. “I understand, dear husband.” You took advantage of his slight surprise and captured his lips in a searing kiss, the cold feeling of the water not comparing to how heated this kiss felt. Tongue and teeth clashed with each other as you retaliated in the only way you could at that moment, biting his bottom lip hard before pulling away with a sickeningly sweet smile. Tom’s eyes darkened as he gripped your hips tighter, causing you to wince. He looked as though he was going to lean back in for another kiss, but you spotted someone, in the corner of your eye. You hugged Tom, using the position to whisper in his ear just as he’d done to you. “Another henchman.”

“Are you sure?”

“There’s a bulge at the base of his spine, covered by his shirt and jacket.”

“Who wears a jacket at a pool?”

“Exactly. 9 mm is my guess.”

“That’s a lazy guess. Wanna bet? .38.”

“Wow. Guess there’s only one way to find out.” 

“Wait-”

You quickly interrupted him by pushing his head below the water’s surface, ruining his perfectly styled up hair. He came up with a scowl, ready to scold you, but before you could allow him to, you pushed him off and you got out of the pool. Drying yourself off and giving a wink to a now distressed Tom, you made your way to one of the bars that served the hotel guests.

You were a decent actor, but you had no idea if it would be convincing enough to fool the henchman of an intelligent criminal; you had to try, if you wanted to get information early on. The smallest piece of info may help. 

With your margarita in hand, you played oblivious to the figure in your path, knocking into him and hearing the glass shatter on the pavement. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, sir!” You exclaimed, pulling an embarrassed face and getting on your knees to start cleaning up your mess. You hide your smirk as the man quickly stopped you, apologizing for being in your way. You could tell the way his eyes bulged and ran over your body that you made the right decision picking a skimpy bathing suit. Hook, line, and sinker.

“You should watch where you’re going.” The man, who introduced himself as James, said with a smirk, his tone holding no semblance of anger or irritation. “I’m sorry about your drink, maybe you’ll let me buy you another one?” Wow, bold. It made you feel like bile was going to come up your throat any moment, but you plastered on your best fake smile.

“I’d love that. You’re so sweet.” You giggled, “subtly” running your hand down his arm, his eyes piquing with interest.

“I’ve been told that before, yes.” He gently guided you over to the bar, lifting his arm so that it slightly touched your upper back, his jacket lifting just enough for you to be able to see the pistol sticking out of his pants. 

.38. Damn.

Your little acting display got you this far, you supposed you might as well take it up a notch. This man didn’t know how many drinks you’ve already had. Maybe that ruined margarita was your fourth or fifth one of the day. Hell, you were on vacation. So, you decided to be a little drunk as you sipped on your new drink, graciously paid for by a dangerous criminal. “You don’t look like you’re here on vacation, no offense.” You slightly slurred. “I mean, who wears a business suit at a resort?”

James laughed, albeit a bit nervously, but answered you anyway. “I’m not here on vacation unfortunately. This is, ultimately, a bit of a business trip.”

“Meeting with some rich CEOs?”

“Something like that.”

You grinned. “Oh, a mysterious man. I like that.” 

“And why are you here, hm?”

You wore a tired expression, lifting up your left hand to show off the fake wedding ring on your finger. “Honeymoon.”

“You don’t seem to be happy about that.”

You shrugged, taking more sips of your drink, the low levels of alcohol being barely enough to give you that liquid courage you could’ve probably used. “He’s a drag. Boring.”

“Let me guess…he has money.” You gave him a knowing smile.

“Don’t judge. A woman has needs.”

“Oh, I’m sure she does.” He inched closer to you. “But I’m sure he doesn’t satisfy all your needs.” The urge to throw up came back. The idea of being with someone other than Tom made you ill. But you had a job to do, no matter what it takes.

You took every opportunity you could to snoop around that man’s room. He must’ve been one of the dumb ones, you could spot his gun briefcase peeking out from underneath his bed. A rookie hiding spot. You got lucky, really lucky. So lucky that he fell asleep pretty quickly after the fact. Prime snooping time.

Every second that passed, the hammering in your heart grew faster. You rummaged through desk drawers, bags, cabinets, closets; the only thing you found as evidence was a post it note briefly detailing the time and place the meeting with the crime boss would take place. How amazing just a simple little note could have so much power. 

You let yourself smile as you quietly escaped the James’ hotel room, making your way to the elevator and pushing the button to your floor. You could finally take a sigh of relief, the nerves slowly but surely exiting your body; that is, until the elevator doors opened to reveal Tom standing there waiting for you, his body leaned up against the wall opposite of the elevator.

“Had fun?” He snarled with contempt, his lips curled into a malicious sneer, his eyes dark. You rolled your eyes, way too exhausted to deal with his hot and cold nature. You walked out of the lift and tried to walk past him, but he quickly grabbed your upper arm tightly, forcing you to him. “Are you forgetting that we’re supposed to be a couple on their honeymoon?” Tom seethed, loosening his grip on you when he saw the slightly pained look on your face.

“No. I just saw an opportunity to get some intel, which we need if you’ve forgotten.” You snapped back, tugging back to get completely out of his grip. 

“You could’ve done that without fucking the enemy. Jesus, I can smell it on you.” He frowned in disgust.

“It wasn’t even good, if it makes you feel any better. You jealous, Bennett?”

Tom surprised you when he said nothing. No reply, no witty comeback. His frown only deepened as he walked back to your hotel room, not looking back to see if you followed or not. You were almost afraid to, as if you hadn’t just risked your life mere minutes ago. You had nowhere else to go, so you followed, silently watching as he slid the key in and unlocking the door. You both still said nothing as you walked further into the room, taking off your shoes and sitting down on a chair adjacent to the bed.

“I found out where the meeting is going to be, and when.” You spoke up timidly, gaining Tom’s attention, his gaze on you heating up your face.

“You found that out back there?”

“Yep, so you can’t tell me it didn’t pay off.”

He nodded curtly. “Right. Well, I’ll contact our handler and we’ll pass on that information.”

It wasn’t like Tom to be so…compliant. He always had something to say, even when the situation didn’t call for it. You figured he just loved the sound of his own voice for a while. But now he was quiet, stoic, he barely even pitched in when you were talking to the handler about what you found. Was he really that upset that you got info before he did? How petty of him, at least that didn’t change.

“It was a .38, by the way.”

Tom furrowed his brows. “What?”

“That man’s gun. You were right.” He only let out a hum of acknowledgment. “What? You’re not gonna brag like you normally do when you win a bet?”

He shrugged. “We have a long weekend ahead of us. I’m not gonna waste my energy on stupid bets.” He snapped, walking out to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. You huffed in irritation, flopping down against the bed, watching the slow whirl of the ceiling fan.

Tom still was out smoking as you were getting ready for bed, showering and changing into your pajamas with a frown on your face. You quickly got tired of the silent treatment, joining him out on the balcony that seemed to look over the whole resort. “You chain smoke now?” You teased, earning a glare from the man. “Seriously, what’s up your ass, Bennett?” You snickered, stopping with a flinch as he turned to you suddenly.

“Do you realize how stupid that was?” Tom growled lowly, putting out his cigarette angrily and tossing it over the railing.

“You just littered.”

“Jesus Christ!” He grumbled, running his hands over his face in frustration, looking at you in exasperation. “You’re not even listening to me!” He shook you by your shoulders, making you finally start to take him seriously. “You shouldn’t have done that, Y/n.”

You scoffed, pushing him off you. “I got us valuable information. You should be happy, Bennett.”

“Well, sorry, I’m fuckin’ not.”

“Okay, well, there’s nothing I can do about that now. What’s done is done. I’m tired of you being pissed at me all the damn time for doing my job. Just keep being your indifferent self from now on, please.”

Tom growled, pushing you up against the railing of the balcony with a hand on your throat. “You weren’t supposed to be here! But of course you had to be here. Tagging along, like a tick on a fuckin’ dog. God, you’re insufferable.” He ranted, finally letting you go when you didn’t falter, but unaware how hurtful he was being with his words but you only chuckled bitterly.

“Oh, I’m aware. You’ve made that clear ever since we even started this mission. But trust me, I regret it now. If I could, I’d leave this island and never bother you again.” You huffed. “God, do you wanna outrank me so bad that you’d do this mission by yourself?”

Tom huffed. “It’s not that-! Ugh, you shouldn't be here because it’s dangerous! You could’ve died earlier! If that man wasn’t as dumb as you thought he was, he could’ve killed you! Then what would we do? What would happen to this mission, your friends and family, to me?” He snapped, taking you by surprise.

“To you?” You asked timidly, your heart pounding in your chest as Tom’s expression softened at the sight of your unshed tears.

“You think I’m indifferent? That I don’t care about you? I care about you so much it hurts! That’s why I’m livid you came here. If you die on this stupid mission, a part of me will die too. I…it wouldn’t be a life worth living without you in it. I fuckin’ love you, Y/n. Don’t you get that?” He spoke angrily, a deep contrast to the softness of his words.

Your breath caught in your throat, your mouth gaping open but no words seemed to come out, not until Tom looked down dejectedly. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, Tom. It was supposed to be just sex, that’s all.” Your voice betrayed you, wavering and on the verge of spilt tears.

Tom sighed shakily, taking out another cigarette and resting his arms on the railing. “I know…I’m sorry. I should’ve called us off as soon as I started catching feelings.”

You bit your lip, hesitantly taking a step closer to him, mirroring his stance and taking his cigarette from his fingers, bringing it to your own lips. You had stopped smoking a long time ago, but you felt you could have just this one, considering the circumstances. You coughed as the smoke filled your lungs, flinching when Tom gently patted your back, causing him to frown. You sighed, looking at him in pity. “Well…what happens now?”

“I know you hate me, so I understand if…if you wanna call us off.” Tom sulked, taking his cigarette back from you.

You shook your head, looking back over the railing, seeing the moon disappear behind the clouds that drifted by. “I don’t hate you, Tom. I never have.”

He chuckled. “Coulda fooled me.”

“I was an idiot and caught feelings for you too.” You confessed sullenly, hating the way your heart beat against your ribcage and the fire that was lit beneath the skin of your cheeks. You absolutely refused to look back at Tom, whose eyes you felt on you intensely. You couldn’t look into his eyes, you knew you’d break with just one glance, so you kept your gaze fixed on your fiddling hands.

You closed your eyes when Tom placed his hands on top of yours, squeezing them gently to encourage you to look at him. “Y/n…” But you couldn’t. You never opened your eyes, even when you felt his body up against yours, his constant warmth enveloping you and making your body relax despite yourself. His arms wrapping around your waist, his head dipping and his chin resting on your shoulder. “You don’t have to be scared, not with me.” You finally opened your eyes when he lifted your chin, your eyes instantly meeting his and you felt yourself melt against him. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop seeing you, but I couldn’t help it. I care about you too much to leave you alone.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” You replied softly, causing Tom to look at you with those big blue puppy dog eyes that never failed to make your heart melt, even when they were filled with fury or irritation directed at you, even when you were often the cause.

Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t stop Tom from surging forward to capture your lips in a kiss. This one felt different than all the others. You didn’t kiss often, only spur of the moment and they were always rage and lust filled. But not this one. This one was soft and slow, Tom’s lips moving against yours languidly, making sure to take his time. You felt your knees threatened to buckle as his tongue moved against yours, and brought his hands up to cup your jaw lovingly. You weren’t the biggest fan of fairy tales, but this felt like a fairytale kiss you always imagined one to be.

It didn’t take long for Tom to push you back into the hotel room, holding onto your waist until the back of your legs touched the bed. He gently sat you down at the edge, removing his shirt before helping you remove your clothing. You watched with heavy lidded eyes as he got on his knees, running his large hands up and down your upper thighs until you could feel your arousal pooling in your underwear. “Tom…” You whispered as he placed feather light kisses down the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs.

“Shh.” He spoke before continuing down the path of your legs until he reached your ankles, looking up at you with a crooked smile before pulling your underwear off your body, biting his lip when he saw the state he was able to put your pussy in. “Always so ready and willing for me, huh?” He teased, running the tips of his fingers up and down your slit, causing you to whine quietly. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare try to be quiet. We’re not on that plane anymore. I want you to be loud for me.” He pinched your clit to elicit a cry from you, which made him hum in approval.

“Fuck.” You whimpered as he lapped at your clit, one of his hands holding your leg up and the other using a finger to gently tease your entrance. You moaned and tilted your head back as he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, pushing two fingers completely inside of you. You were already so embarrassingly close as you rutted against his face, the way his tongue swirled around you and his fingers curling against just the right spot making your head dizzy. A gasp got caught in your throat as Tom suddenly pulled away and slapped your pussy, the sound echoing loudly around the room.

“You don’t get to come, not yet.” He growled before diving back in, making you keen loudly. The pleasure was so intense you had no idea how you could obey his command. You curled your fingers through his hair tightly, trying to ground yourself and also trying so hard not to lose yourself and come accidentally. “Fuck, your cunt is squeezing my fingers so hard. You’re so close, aren’t you, love?”

“I’m right there.” You sobbed, tears streaming down your face as Tom fucked you hard with his fingers, the borderline pornagraphic sounds coming from your cunt making heat rise to your cheeks. But you were too out of it to care. “Please, Tom, please…”

“I bet that man a couple floors down couldn’t make you feel this way, hm? Was he even able to make you come?” He snarled, his fingers curling against you more aggressively.

“No…” You stuttered with a strangled moan. “It took him—fuck! Took him six thrusts to come.” You chuckled tremulously, unable to stop your moans even if you tried.

“You counted?” He grinned.

“It was hard not to.” You cried out as another pang of intense pleasure coursed through you. You were so fucking close it was painful not being allowed to, Tom completely neglecting your clit even though it felt just as good when he was fingering you. It was too much and not enough. You needed him. You needed his cock. You needed to come. “Please…” You whined loudly, obnoxiously so.

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” You nodded frantically. “Tell me who this pussy belongs to. Tell me, who’s the only one allowed to fuck you from now on? Who’s the only one who gets to taste this sweet cunt of yours?”

“You, Tom.” You howled, his words only adding to your pleasure to your surprise. “Oh fuck, I’m yours, only yours, Tom. I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“Good girl.” Tom growled as he grabbed you by the throat and pulled you into a passionate kiss, using the leverage from his fingers knuckle deep in your cunt and the grip on your neck to force you back towards the headboard on the bed, only pulling away from you to shed off his trousers and underwear. He was so rock hard the tip of his cock had turned into a lovely shade of pink, the sight making you drool as it came closer to your entrance as Tom crawled on top of you, resuming that passionate kiss. He pushed into you with no warning, splitting you open and causing you to gasp against his mouth, allowing him to bite your bottom lip before pulling away.

The pace he set was different too, just like that previous kiss on the balcony. It was slow, purposeful, and calculated; the thrusts were so powerful and deep that it made the top of your head hit the headboard and your tits bounce violently. His cock stretched your walls so perfectly as it always had, his thickness never the easiest to adjust to, but the slight sting of him made the pleasure all the more intense. You were still so close, but now with no stimulation to your clit, it was easier to hold back.

“You’re so beautiful.” Tom murmured, his eyebrows furrowed tightly in concentration. Even with him being balls deep inside of you, his intense gaze made you feel even more naked than you already were. He never used to look at you this way before, but it was a nice change. He didn’t even try to hold himself back as he picked up the pace, holding you in his arms and rocking you with his sped up thrusts.

“Oh, fuck, yes!” You cried, your moans becoming more breathless and high pitched. “I wanna come so bad.”

“Not yet, love. I want us to come together.” Tom lifted himself up on his knees, grabbing onto the fat of your hips roughly to have the purchase to pound into you relentlessly. He hit the ends of you over and over again, your stomach starting to ache deeply and the knot inside you was tightening more and more, one right move threatening to make it snap. “Fuck.” Tom moaned, his cock twitching inside of you, his body tensing as he got nearer to that edge.

“I want you to come inside me, Tom.” You whimpered, placing your hands on top of his, digging your nails into his skin as your grip tightened.

Tom reached down to rub your clit, the action practically making you scream. You moaned his name over and over again along with taking gasping breaths, your pleasure melting your brain and turning you into a babbling mess. “Yeah, yeah, that’s it, love. Come with me. Please, come with me. Come all over my cock.” You didn’t need any more encouragement for that band inside you to pull taunt until it snapped hard, that wave of ecstasy knocking the breath out of you and making your vision hazy. But not hazy enough to see Tom hit that climax along with you, each of you letting out strained moans as you released together, you soaking his cock and his cum painting your velvety walls. He stilled inside you as you rode out your highs, slumping over and placing delicate kisses all over your neck and collarbone. “Fuck…” He breathed out with a chuckle, pulling out and laying beside you.

“Fuck…” You agreed, trying to catch your breath.

Tom started to reach over to pull you against him, but hesitated when you flinched. It wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t cuddled after sex, but it was mostly after a particularly rough session as a part of aftercare. You rarely cuddled after a gentle night like this one, especially not after confessing feelings for one another. But your skin already thrummed for attention, for his skin to be on yours even after having sex. It was scary, to open yourself up to heartbreak. But looking at Tom’s painfully hopeful gaze, you suddenly realized you wouldn’t mind getting your heart broken by him.

You reached out to him with a shy smile, allowing him to pull you closer and rest your head on his chest, hearing the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. He didn’t hide the large grin his mouth broke out into; it was way too endearing. But now, you supposed you’d be seeing those more often.

“We need to discuss our strategy for this meeting.” Tom spoke, breaking the comfortable silence.

You chuckled lightly, looking up at him. “Now?”

“At some point.”

“How does tomorrow morning sound?”

Tom smiled, leaning down to kiss you sweetly. “Sounds perfect.”

The next morning, you woke up in Tom’s embrace. You may have cuddled before, but you had never actually slept together like this all throughout the night, on purpose. You were surprised you had woken up first, considering how much you hated early mornings. Tom was always the early bird, but you had the chance to watch him while he was still asleep. You didn’t think it would affect you that much, but goddamn he was adorable when he slept. The permanent curve of his lips made it seem like he was smiling in his sleep and he looked…soft. Very soft. You always envied his perfect smooth skin, but this was ridiculous. No matter how hard you tried in the past, you could never find a single flaw on his body. It irked you, but you couldn’t stop staring at him, even when he started to stir awake.

His lips upturned in a sly smirk, already smug after a second of consciousness. “Like what you see?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to wiggle out of his grip but he was stronger and kept you in place. “We have a busy day, we can’t lie in bed all morning.” You lightly scolded, pride filling you as you felt his grip loosen, allowing you to rise from the bed. “We should stake out the room where the meeting’s gonna take place.” You spoke, cleaning up and getting dressed, while Tom just watched you as he cuddled a pillow. “Like what you see?” You mocked, smiling when he sneered.

After getting ready for the day, you and Tom followed the instructions that were hastily written on the post it note. The hotel was rather large, but you found the room somewhat easily. It was a conference room on the first floor, occupied with a long table with too many chairs to count. It was empty, or at least it seemed to be. Nor you or Tom saw anyone hanging out anywhere near the room. No guards or people preparing for this possible meeting, but you figured it was normal since the meeting wasn’t taking place that particular day.

“Alright,” Tom voiced, “you keep watch while I set up the bugs. Just signal if you see anyone coming, and don’t hesitate to get the fuck out if anything happens.”

You scoffed. “Like I’m gonna leave you to fend for yourself.” Tom’s gaze softened, causing your face to flush with heat. “Cause you definitely wouldn’t survive without me. You don’t have social skills to get yourself out of trouble.”

Tom rolled his eyes, but you could see a ghost of a smirk on his lips. “Right.”

You leaned against the wall opposite of the double doors to the conference room, keeping a sharp eye out from anyone who might’ve been walking your way. You hoped Tom could set up the bugs in time and get out before anyone notices. But it seems the luck you had last night in getting the information ran out as the same man you used started to come walking down the hall. You quickly pressed on your small hidden walkie, hearing the buzz in your ear piece. “Henchman, incoming. I’ll distract him.” You whispered into the mic.

“No, get out of there. Do not engage, you hear me?” You ignored Tom’s frantic orders as you plastered a fake smile on your face, greeting James warmly.

“Well, hi there, stranger.” You teased flirtatiously.

James’ eyes flashed with shock and confusion at first, looking around curiously. “Hi? What’re you doing here?” He asked in suspicion, making your heart hammer in your ribcage.

You sighed dramatically. “The husband isn’t too happy with my disappearance last night. Came here to get a break from his constant glares.”

His face flushed red, smiling nervously as if he just remembered what had taken place the night before. “Oh, right. You didn’t tell him, did you?”

You scoffed. “Of course not. I may be a stunner but I’m not dumb either.”

“I never implied you were.”

You giggled. “I did have fun last night though.” You lied, swallowing the bile that threatened to come up your throat.

He nodded. “Me too. Do you…think we can do it again?”

You smiled sadly. “I’m afraid not. Our vacation is almost over and I don’t want my husband getting too suspicious.” Just then, you faintly hear the creaking of a door opening. From behind the henchman, you spotted Tom’s concerned face. But before James in front of you could react to the noise, you pulled him to you. “But…how about a goodbye kiss? For the memories?” You grinned, capturing your lips with his, a surprised noise coming from his mouth. You opened your eyes and gestured for Tom to get out of there. He gave you one last angry reluctant look before obeying you, running off as silently as possible.

James pulled away with a breathless chuckle. “Man, I will miss these pretty lips of yours.” He wiped his thumb over your bottom lip, making you shiver uncomfortably, but he took it as a good thing. “I hope you’ll be thinking of me whenever you’re fucking your boring husband.”

Not likely, creep. “It’ll be hard not to. Well, enjoy the rest of your vacation.” You blew him a kiss before walking away, trying to calm your heart from beating out of your chest. That was the worst. You wanted to wash your mouth out with soap.

Right around the corner, Tom pulled you to him, making you almost let out a yelp of surprise. “Are you alright?” He grabbed your face gently, looking you over with an adorable concern.

You smiled. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. Told you I could get out of trouble better than you could.”

Tom’s eyes darkened. “Well, I’m sure it’s easier when you have these.” You gasped as Tom groped your breasts from over your shirt, making you lightly slap him, but he only giggled mischievously.

“So, did you plant all the bugs?”

“Yep, thanks to you. You gave me more time. I owe you one.”

“You sure do. I’ve had my fair share of that douchebag.” You cringed with a groan, the taste of that man’s mouth still sticking to your lips unbearably.

“Me too.”

You furrowed your brows. “What do you mean you too? You didn’t have to sleep with him.”

Tom frowned. “Yes. But I gotta tell ya, I was mad jealous. I felt like I was gonna punch a wall or something. I almost pulled him off you back there to do exactly that: punch the bastard.”

“Then our cover would’ve been blown.”

He shrugged. “Not if I played the husband role, angry that my wife was with another man. Which…isn’t that far off, if I’m being honest.”

You chuckled. “Well, when this mission is over and we’re back home, you have my permission to punch any guy that tries to hit on me.”

Tom stopped in his tracks, just steps away from your shared hotel room. “Wait…” He suddenly blushed bright red. “Does that mean…I’m your boyfriend?”

You couldn’t stop your own blush painting your face, looking down and smiling bashfully. “I mean, yeah. If you want to be?” Tom grinned widely, suddenly picking you up and spinning you around, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Your giggles bounced around the echoey hallway as he placed quick pecks all over your face and neck, tickling you until you gently pushed him off. “Happy, are you?” You laughed in amusement.

“You have no idea.” You may have had an idea…

For the rest of the day and every day after leading up to the actual meeting, all you and Tom did was listen in through the planted bugs. It was surprisingly super boring. Anything heard was very few and far between. Nothing of substance was ever said. All the noises that came from the bugs was the shuffling and creaking of people moving around and moving around furniture you assumed.

Your handler informed you and Tom that a team was being sent in, and your job was to make sure to tell that team when the meeting was well under way and to make sure every person of importance was there so they could be arrested. It didn’t sound like a difficult process, but you made sure to prepare for anything.

The day of, you were loading and prepping your weapons while Tom was listening to the live audio feed, his face in deep concentration. He looked cute and you wanted to say so, but you figured it would’ve been inappropriate at a time like this. An uncomfortable tension filled the air that forced your hands to shake, which couldn’t have come at a worse time. You tried taking deep breaths, but it didn’t work. You hid it as best you could. You and Tom already had gotten into an argument about who was going to be the one to direct the rest of the team where the meeting room was. He did not want you down there, at all. But your stubbornness got the better of you and you didn’t let him win. You’d be fine, you were sure of it. You were going to have to head down to the first floor of the hotel soon, staying with the team until Tom radioed that the meeting was almost over.

“Don’t try to be a hero.” Tom told you. “Self preservation before anything else, got it?”

You promised him, if only to ease his nerves. You weren’t going to make any dumb decisions, that wasn’t like you. But you couldn’t promise you wouldn’t get hurt even if you made the smartest choices, the job couldn’t guarantee it, you knew that. But you’d rather get hurt than Tom, that much you were sure of. 

The shake of your hands stopped as you loaded your gun’s magazine, just as Tom turned his head to you and nodded. “Be safe.” He spoke, his brows furrowed in worry.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “I will. I’ll see you soon.”

“You better.”

You shook off your nerves and exited the hotel room without another word or glance back at Tom, leaving him and praying you’d see him again, maybe take him on a proper date after all this nonsense was over.

You met up with the team, and they gave you your own bulletproof vest in case things went sideways. You briefed them on where this meeting was and how to get there, pointing to the place on the map of the hotel layout. And after almost an hour of standing around and waiting for shit to hit the fan, your walkie finally sounded off and Tom’s voice spoke over the radio. “They’re starting to trade.”

That was the cue.

You and the team went out, speeding down the halls to the conference room. You could feel your heartbeat in your pulse as the doors were kicked open, threatening yells and weapons being pointed, but the crime boss ordered his henchman’s weapons be pointed back at them. That’s when shit finally hit the fan.

You ducked as bullets went flying across the room, at everyone on either side, the shots echoing loudly and making your eardrums ring. You didn’t let it bother you as you were preoccupied with finding cover, getting your own weapon out and finding a target. You never thought your life would come to this, taking another human being’s life. But it was either you or them. It was at this moment you wondered if you ever should’ve joined this field in the first place. A bullet flying way too close to you snapped you out of those thoughts, forcing you to shoot back. You locked eyes with a familiar face, one you hoped you’d never see again. But of course it was him, James. You watched as the man’s face furrowed in anger, clearly fooled and feeling stupid himself. He should’ve known something was off about you, but too little too late.

The shooting suddenly stopped as the crime boss yelled out in surrender, holding his hands up above the table he was hiding behind, telling his men to stop their own firing. Your team shouted at everyone to put their weapons down and put their hands up, and they all complied fearfully. Your team came out from their cover as the dust seemed to clear, moving to finally apprehend these people. You watched, trying to calm your heartbeat as you felt relief wash over you. You did it, you and Tom. You almost couldn’t believe it.

Just as you realized everything was going to be okay, three shots rang out.

Before you could comprehend what had happened, you were on the floor. Pain surged through your entire body, making it difficult to find the source of the pain. You groaned as a team member ran to you, getting on their knees and quickly putting pressure on what you figured was a bullet wound. You struggled to lift your head to figure out what exactly happened, and you managed to see James on the floor dead, bleeding a puddle of blood beneath him. Karma’s a bitch, you thought. You didn’t think fucking him for information would come back to bite you in the ass, but here you were, bullet not in your ass, but your shoulder. The two other shots thankfully hit your vest, but it still hurt like hell. The bruises you felt instantly forming from those other two shots made you wince, more pressure being added from your comrade making you cry out.

“Shh, don’t move.” The person above you spoke. “Medic!”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” You grunted.

From another room, you could hear angry shouts, immediately recognizing the voice as Tom’s. Man, he was going to be pissed at you. But you found it hard to care as you felt blood leaving your body in copious amounts, even with the multiple hands putting pressure on it and miles long amount of gaze being stuffed onto your shoulder. “We need to get her to a hospital now.” The medic spoke urgently. You felt like a loser as your vision started to dim, trying your best to keep yourself awake. But it was out of your control.

Everything after that was a blur. You could hear the sound of sirens, lights flashed above your fluttering eyelids, the smell of cleaning supplies and chemicals making its way into your nostrils, the feeling of a warm hand holding yours. You couldn’t make any sense of it, not until you finally regained full consciousness laying in a hospital bed.

Your eyes squinted as you tried to adjust to the light, even if they were dimmed for your sake. You moaned as you tried to sit up, but you were quickly held in place gently. “No, no, don’t try to move.” The anxious tension in your body alleviated slightly as your eyes landed on Tom’s face, a weak smile coming to your lips. “The doctors said you can’t move yet.”

You inhaled deeply, despite the awful smelling chemicals of the ER. Your mouth was horrifically dry, your lips chapped and tongue like sandpaper in your mouth. “Water.” You choked out, cringing at the hoarseness of your voice. Tom helped you take a few sips of water, which made you feel so much better but also embarrassed that you couldn't even help yourself at that moment. “What happened?”

Tom’s lips upturned in a wry, amused smile. “You were shot.”

You scoffed, chuckling lightly even though it hurt. “I know that. I mean, what happened after I blacked out. I don’t remember, obviously.”

Tom lost his weak smile, grabbing and holding your hand. “Doctor said the bullet hit your brachial plexus. You had to go into surgery to repair it.”

“Well shit, that doesn’t sound good. I’d be more upset if I knew exactly what a brachial plexus is.” You joked, which earned a reluctant chuckle from Tom.

“It’s nerves that allow your arm to move, basically.”

“Oh…” You frowned. “That is bad.”

“...yeah.”

“Well? Did the doctors fix it?”

Tom’s eyes briefly lightened up and he nodded slightly. “They did. They got you to the hospital fast, thankfully. But it looks like you’re gonna be out of commission for several months while you recover, lots of physical therapy and bedrest.”

You groaned. “Ugh, not bedrest.” Tom sighed in exasperation, putting his head in his hands. “Tom?” You tried to reach out for him as you started to hear soft sniffles, coming out muffled from behind his hands, but it sent a spark up pain through your body. “Tom, come on, look at me.”

Tom’s eyes were a bright blue from the tears that were flowing down his face. He looked exhausted, both physically and emotionally. “You lied to me. You told me you were gonna be safe.” He exhaled a shuddering breath.

“I was…until that asshole decided to get revenge on me.” You slightly chuckled, but Tom’s frown only deepened. “I’m sorry. I never wanted you to worry. It’s just…this is part of the job. There was always a chance I’d get hurt, any of us.”

“That’s exactly why I wanted to be down there and not you.”

You shook your head, well, tried to. “No. I’d have rather died than put your life in danger.”

Tom scoffed angrily. “Why? Why do that?”

“Because if you died…a part of me would’ve died too.” Your voice wavered, unwanted tears spilling over and falling down your cheeks. “I love you too, Tom.” You looked away from his intense and unwaveringly loving gaze, too overwhelming to handle. You sniffled. “I’m sorry if that’s selfish of me. But I simply care about your life more than mine…I’ve never felt this way before, about anyone. It’s terrifying.”

You looked back at him as he took your hand with his, running his thumb over your slightly bruised knuckles. “I guess I’m selfish too, because I feel the same way. Which is why I’m fuckin’ pissed at you.” He spoke, but his tone held no semblance of anger and his gaze was just as loving as before.

You couldn’t help but smile. “You can’t be mad when I’m injured.” You teased, causing him to roll his eyes and look down to hide a grin of his own. “Can’t complain when you’re taking care of me either. You have to listen to my every demand.” You giggled.

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” He raised a brow, making you blush furiously.

“Uh, I, um, only if you, uh-”

Tom interrupted you with a laugh, bringing your hand up to kiss your knuckles. “Of course. Besides, you couldn’t keep me away even if you tried.”

“That’s good to know.” Then you realized, “Hold on, wait. How’d you even get in here? Isn’t visiting for family only?”

Tom smirked as he held up his left hand, the fake wedding ring still on his finger. “Can’t keep a husband away from his wife, can they?”

uh...kinda overdid it, didn't I? oh well haha