#Got a duster for Christmas 2 years ago

[raccoonodysseus]

so I’ve been reading the Dresden files for a few years and I’m almost done with ghost story. I’ve tried to draw Harry many times the way I think of him and I’ve finally got one that I’m pretty happy with

[knivestothroats]

I’m going over all my knives at the request of @untilthepainstarts​! It’s gonna be lengthy, so I’m putting it under a readmore

This is the first knife I ever bought after I turned 18. It doesn’t really matter how old you are if you order them online (there will just be a disclaimer like “we are trusting you to follow your own state’s laws”), but that’s neither here nor there. This one’s got the works! Partially serated blade, assisted opening, glass breaker, seatbelt cutter, obviously marketed for hunting zombies. I usually keep it in the center console of my car. I kind of fell out of habit of naming all my knives (even tho I should), but since this was my first one, it got a name: Dickslayer. (As in slayer of dicks. I was 18. No regrets.)

This one was a gift from my mom. Has my initials engraved in the handle. Folding, but no assisted opening. I keep this one on my desk to open packages and stuff. Sometimes if I’m going to a nice event I’ll take this one instead of one my regular carry pocket knives. I really don’t go anywhere without a knife just for that rare occasion someone needs to open something.

Name: Pearl. 

Stiletto blade, but only one edge because it’s assisted opening, as opposed to a switchblade which would have sharp edges on both sides. Basically any folding knife will have one blunt edge so you can push it closed. Idk if this is general knowledge, but any time my friends use one of my knives they never know how to close it, so I don’t think it is. Anyway this is one of my favorites. Just a sleek, classic look to it, you know? Says “Stiletto” on the blade in cursive.

I don’t really have a name for this one, I just refer to it as “Drop Dead.” This one was a gift from my friend and became my regular use knife after I lost the rainbow/oil slick one. The requirements for it to be my regular use knife are: small but not tiny, assisted opening. I mosty use it to open boxes and packages at work. However, it’s missing a screw near the top, which means I should retire it from regular use soon before I break it. 

This one doesn’t strictly have a name, but I usually refer to it as “Cleaver” in my head. Not very creative, which I don’t want to commit to saying that’s its name. Damascus steel. Spring loaded but no assisted opening lever. You know how some people have stim toys? Well one time I had this knife on me while at an awkward dinner so I fiddled with it under the table while waiting for my food. I gave that trait to Ace.

Name: Talon.

Folding karambit, as you said! Assisted opening. For Christmas a couple years ago I couldn’t think of anything to ask for, and also I was looking at apartments, so I sent my mom a screenshot from Bob’s Burger’s where Louise’s xmas list was “1. My own apartment 2. Towels (for the apartment) 3. A doll where the head comes off and it’s a knife” so my mom got me a baby doll and this knife, but she couldn’t get the head off the doll so she just jammed the knife into its forehead lmaooo

I had another knife that I specifically bought before going on a trip because I never go anywhere without a knife, but I wasn’t sure if I could get one past security on the plane. So I bought a new knife, knowing I might lose it. I put it in my checked bag and it made it through! But then I lost it when I tried to stash it before a security checkpoint at the Hoover Dam X_x

So later on that trip I bought this knife at Zion National Park. My friend has a matching one that says “Wild Thing” because we used to follow a local band called the Wild Things. This knife is pretty sharp but the handle is flimsy as shit. 

My mom brought this home from a flea market for me. You can tell it’s old, but it’s sturdy as shit. They don’t make ‘em like they used to, I guess. This would probably be my regular carry if it had assisted opening. I just really like to be able to open knives one-handed if I need to. Actually I pulled this out a group hang out and was talking about it and my friends told me to do knife reviews on youtube. Idk if they were joking but I was like “don’t tempt me...”

I should probably come up with a name for this one. I’m sure there are good bear-based names.

This is the first fixed blade (non-folding) knife on the list. I saw it at an army navy surplus store, and I had to buy it because it looks like a junior version of my bowie.

Name: Odyssey. Did I just come up with that name? Yes. It’s the name of a scifi dnd homebrew I’m a part of. I was not going to do the obvious thing and name it David.

It may look decorative, but it is defiitely sharp. This is the only knife I have ever cut myself on. (It was just a nick - I was holding the sheath too close to the opening.) I think this was also my first knife that wasn’t a pocket knife so I was like “holy shit this guy is heavy!” 

This motherfucker is definitely not legal!!! I found it at a shop on the reservation that had signs up saying “no pictures.” (I think that’s because they were also selling bongs and stuff. Shop was attached to a lovely cafe.) The knuckles are pretty much just for show because I can’t really form a fist around the handle. I mean, the whole thing is for show unless I decide to murder someone because I’m not exactly opening envelopes with this bad boy. But yeah, knuckle dusters are illegal in my state (if not all), and I know trench knives - which are a similar style - are illegal, but trench knives are a combo of a bayonet blade and knuckle dusters, both of which are illegal. Oh you know what? I have an antique bayonet somewhere...

Also I’ve definitely scratched myself on that spike at the end. 

And finally... the Keyblade! You know how I said earlier that I carry knives for that shining moment someone needs to open something? In most cases I just use this knife anyway because it’s the least likely to freak someone out.

Just for a bonus, here are my (non-blunted) swords

The second one is just as red; it’s just the lighting. 

I have a video of me cutting a watermelon in half somewhere....

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Everything Money Can Buy (2/12)

Summary: The Greatest Store in the World AU. When misfortune strikes and leaves Emma Swan and her son homeless just before Christmas, the ever-resourceful Emma has a ready solution. They’ll move into Mills Department Store, a place they can only dream of affording to buy from. It’s not easy, having to deal with a perpetually grumpy doorman, a nasty assistant manager, and an extremely suspect Santa, but Emma and Henry soon learn that the kindness of strangers is something money can’t buy.

Swan Believer centric, with eventual Swan Queen and background Rumbelle and Dwarf Star.

Rated: G

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[One] [AO3]

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Two

When Emma woke up the next morning, she almost couldn’t remember where she was. It had been a long time since she’d slept in a bed this luxurious – if she ever had. She reached under her pillow to silence the alarm on her phone. As tempting as it was to go for five more minutes, especially under a genuine goose feather duvet and soft wool blankets, the entire reason that they were in such sumptuous surroundings in the first place meant that they were going to have to make a move sharpish, before it became obvious that they had been in there all night.

She sat up and leaned down to the other end of the bed to wake Henry, who groaned and pulled the covers up over this head.

“What time is it?” he mumbled.

“It’s nearly six. Come on, Henry, we have to move.”

“But it’s a Saturday!”

“I know, but the cleaners will be coming in soon and we need to be ready to sneak out with them before the shop opens. Believe me, I’ve cleaned enough shops before opening hours in my time to know how this works.”

Truth be told, Henry had cleaned enough shops to know how it worked too. Well, usually he’d been sitting in a corner on a step stool out of the way whilst she’d done the cleaning, but he’d certainly been around. It was hard enough holding down a job when she had no qualifications and no fixed abode; trying to hold one down with a small child was almost impossible, and Henry had ended up coming to work with her more often than not.

They got up and set the bed back to as pristine a showroom condition as they could manage, and soon enough, the sound of hoovers and the chatter of cleaning staff could be heard on the floors below them. Emma rushed back to the cleaning cupboard that they’d hidden in the previous evening; it had been during that fraught period at closing time that she’d come up with the plan to disguise their exit this morning. She grabbed a roll of bin bags and a pair of rubber gloves, and with Henry’s help, she tossed all of their baggage into a black sack and started dragging it towards the stairs. It was slow going, but at least they weren’t quite as conspicuous as they could have been.

They were almost in the clear when the cleaning team got up to beds and bed linen, and their progress was hindered even further by the appearance of the assistant manager. Emma cursed and shoved the bin bag full of their belongings in a corner, instructing Henry to guard it and not look anyone in the eye. She was going to have to keep up the cleaning façade for a little longer in order to make it look legit. Thank God she had enough experience to know what she was doing.

In all the time that Emma had been perusing the shelves of Mills without any intention of buying anything, the assistant manager, a Miss Zelena West, had been the bane of Emma’s window-shopping happiness. Like Gold the doorman, she was an institution at the department store, but unlike Gold, there was absolutely nothing likeable about her. Gold was scary, but he did at least smile on occasion and his broad Glasgow accent betrayed roots far from the bright lights and luxury of Mills; so, for that reason, Emma trusted him even if she could feel his eyes boring into her sometimes when they were sitting on their bench across the street, watching him.

Zelena, on the other hand, was always annoying and never smiled so much as leered, her eyes never quite matching what her mouth was doing. There were always too many teeth in her smile, and Emma always got the distinct impression that there was more to her than met the eye. If there was one person whom she absolutely did not want to meet whilst attempting to leave the store having been trespassing in it all night, then it was Zelena. She would definitely be the type to haul them both straight off to the owner’s office and get as many charges as possible pressed against them.

What was she doing here so early anyway? Surely no one could be so paranoid about their place of work that they decided to supervise the cleaning staff, but apparently so. She was stalking in and out of all the display racks, hunting for dust in nooks and crannies and finger marks on any and all mirrored surfaces. Emma showed willing with a duster for a bit, and one of the other ladies caught her eye. She could barely have been out of her teens, if that, and she was so pregnant she could barely fit down between the aisles. Emma felt a pang of sympathy; that had been her ten years ago, still working up until her due date because she had no other choice.

The girl grimaced, rubbing her back.

“When’s it due?” Emma asked, coming over to pick up her dropped feather duster and save unnecessary bending down.

“New Year’s Day. Thanks.” The girl took the duster back with a grateful smile. “I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you new?”

“Yeah, first day on the job.” She nodded over to Zelena, still on the prowl. “Is she always like that?”

“Yep. Nothing’s ever good enough for the wicked witch.”

Emma had to laugh at the nickname; considering Zelena was almost always dressed in some shade of green, it certainly suited her.

“I’m Ashley, by the way. Just let me know if you need any help finding your way round. It’s a huge place; I got lost in kitchenware on my first day. I thought I was going to be stuck in an endless loop of saucepans and lasagne dishes for the rest of my life.”

“I’m Emma. Thanks for the offer.”

“Hey!” Zelena had noticed them talking, and Emma quickly turned so that the other woman wouldn’t see her face. “Less gossiping and more dusting! These beds won’t clean themselves!”

“It might help if she picked up a duster once in her life,” Ashley muttered. Emma gave a snort and made her excuses to leave Ashley alone, slipping away when Zelena’s back was turned again and making her way back to Henry.

“You were gone ages!” he hissed. “I was getting worried!”

Emma grabbed the bin bag and started banging it down the stairs. “I got trapped by the wicked witch. I’ll explain later,” she added quickly on seeing Henry’s confused expression. “Did anyone see you?”

“No. No one came past except the customer services lady and she didn’t say anything. Maybe bringing your kid to work isn’t so rare after all.”

Emma thought of Ashley, and she wondered what would happen after New Year’s Day.

Down on the ground floor, Emma hit a slight flaw in her plan. She’d spent enough time in Mills over the years to know its layout pretty well, but that was only the parts that the public got to see. They were now in the backstage area, so to speak. Staff only. And she had no idea where to find the exit.

People were coming and going, the cleaners and the regular staff coming in to set up their departments; but no one paid her and Henry any mind. They were cleaners after all, lugging a huge bag of rubbish out to the bins. They came in this way, so they must know their way out again.

Emma pushed Henry down behind the bag and dropped into a crouch beside him as she heard a very familiar and very angry voice.

“If Zelena’s held my coat to ransom in the dry-cleaning cupboard again, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

Gold came down the corridor past them, and Emma had to double take at his appearance. She’d only ever seen him resplendent in his uniform, and to see him now, wearing an obviously hand-knitted jumper with a penguin wearing earmuffs on it, was a jarring reminder that he did have a life outside of the store.

“It’s ok, I rescued it for you.”

Gold stopped at the end of the corridor before he could crash into the lady from the customer services desk. She was new this year; Emma had not seen her working on the desk before. She held up Gold’s uniform coat in its plastic dry-cleaning bag, and Emma couldn’t help but notice the slight little red blush that rose in her cheeks when Gold grabbed it with a smile.

“Belle, you are a lifesaver. What would I do without you?”

“Oh, you’d manage, I’m sure.”

“Mum!”

Henry was gesturing frantically down the corridor to where the other cleaners were taking rubbish bags, and Emma knew that it was time to move on and not watch the sweet little scene taking place between Gold and Belle any longer. She hauled up their bin bag and followed Henry down the corridor and out into the yard, whereupon they ducked behind a bin and grabbed all their luggage.

They were out of the woods, and their night of camping out in the store was over.

“Come on, Henry. Let’s go and get our van back.”

X

Someone wise once said that it never rains but it pours. If they had been a bit wiser still, they would have said that it never rains but it pours and thunders and hails and snows all at the same time, and less than a week before Christmas to boot.

Emma was sitting in the cramped office of the DVLA impound trying very hard not to swear, since Henry was sitting only a foot away, pretending to be absorbed in a newspaper and not paying any attention to what the adults were doing, but in reality, he was taking absolutely everything in and he knew that things were going from bad to worse to even worse with every passing moment.

She also knew that she really couldn’t take it out on the poor clerk who was dealing with her case. When the van had been towed in the first place and she’d made it clear that she wouldn’t be able to pay the fine; he’d offered to try and get her a payment plan of sorts. As it was, Emma had pawned some of her mother’s jewellery to make up the cash; the sentimental value was nothing compared to actually having somewhere to call home that wasn’t a department store’s bed section.

She had come to the impound ready to pay, only for the incredibly apologetic and nervous-looking clerk to tell her that he couldn’t release the van to her because it had failed so many safety inspections that it had been deemed dangerous to drive. He was going through the list of all its failings with her now, and every time he faltered, Emma could tell that there was more bad news to come but that he’d already given her so much that he didn’t have the heart to continue.

Eventually, they came to the end of the list, and he looked up at her with an expression that could only be described as a cringe.

“I’m really sorry,” he said. “But I just can’t let you drive away in it.”

Emma sat back in her chair and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. There was no way that she would be able to afford all the repairs that the agency had said would be needed before the van would be road legal again. She had barely scraped together enough for the fine in the first place. This was just the icing on the cake of a really terrible year. Every year, she was determined that things were going to get better and that they might finally stop living out of a van.

She’d got her wish all right. They were definitely not living out of a van anymore. They weren’t living out of anywhere.

“To be honest, it might be more economical to write it off,” the clerk said. “I’m not sure how much you’d get for its scrap value, but it would be better than nothing.”

Emma nodded. “Yeah. You’re probably right. How do I go about doing that, then?”

“Well, we won’t be able to do anything until after Christmas, I’m afraid. Everywhere is shut down for the holidays.”

Emma threw her hands up in the air and let them drop down to her sides. “Fantastic. Fan-bloody-tastic.”

There was nothing more that she could do here. All she could hope was that the emergency housing office had somewhere available for them.

“Come on, Henry.” She sighed and hefted up their bags again. “Let’s go.”

“We’re not getting the van back, are we?”

“No.”

They walked on through the town in silence. The van was pretty much the only home that Henry had ever known, and now it had been taken from him in a finger snap, and just before Christmas as well. Henry was used to not receiving Christmas presents, but at least he’d never yet had something taken away from him at Christmas. This was the opposite of the Christmas spirit, and his desolation was palpable.

“We’ll find somewhere else,” Emma said, trying to keep his spirits up, but it was clear that Henry didn’t believe her, and she didn’t quite believe herself. “I’m sure that there are other vans out there.” That said, maybe it would be better to put some roots down somewhere and start living between four walls instead of on four wheels. Maybe this would be the year that they stopped living in the van in a good way after all.

The housing office was open this time, but as they walked in, took the slip of paper from the machine with their number on it, and sat down to wait, Emma didn’t hold out much hope. There were at least six other families in front of them, and all of them were more than just a single mum and her son. On the one hand, being just the two of them, they needed less room and would hopefully be easier to place somewhere, but on the other, bigger families with much younger children had much more urgent need of shelter. Emma remembered with a shiver her first couple of homeless years after Henry had been born, a constant fear of losing him to the bitter cold, burying him under so many blankets as she curled up around him in the back of her car that he could barely be seen. As desperate as she and Henry were, she would never wish that on anyone. Besides, she and Henry had a back-up plan if necessary. Living out of Mills wasn’t exactly ideal, but they’d made it work last night. Surely they could make it work again. All they had to do was stay out of Zelena’s way.

The morning wore on, and Emma’s hopes were getting stretched extremely thin by the time her number was called. She had seen the apologetic shakes of the head that all of the other applicants had been getting, and she knew that things weren’t exactly looking great. It came as absolutely no surprise when she was told that there would be no accommodation available until the new year. If she could just find somewhere to stay over the holidays, then everything would be all right, but all resources were stretched at this time of year, et cetera, et cetera. The woman was telling her in all but the most blatant terms that her best bet would be to go to the nuns at the homeless shelter over the Christmas period and to come back in January.

Emma shook her head. No, she would never go back to the shelter, not after she’d nearly come to blows with the Mother Superior after finding the head nun going through all her and Henry’s belongings, looking for items of monetary value as a ‘voluntary donation’ towards their stay at the shelter. No one had believed her when she’d tried to report it to the authorities. Considering that they were nuns who did regular work in the community and Emma had several shoplifting cautions and convictions under her belt, she wasn’t surprised, but the injustice of it all still stung.

“What are we going to do, Mum?” Henry asked. He had been so good about the whole thing, never once complaining or whining about a very boring day spent in various offices, or the fact that for once in her life, Emma didn’t have a cunning plan to get them out of their latest scrape. Her son was old beyond his years, and Emma felt a huge wave of guilt wash over her that his early life had been so hard. She had done the best for him that she could with what little she had, and she loved him more than life itself, but sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she had taken the advice of everyone around her and given him up for adoption when he was born. Maybe he would have had a better life; he might have been adopted and been living in a comfortable house with central heating and proper beds.

Or he might have had a childhood like hers after her parents were killed and she’d been shoved unceremoniously into the foster system; never to be loved and only to be kicked out to fend for herself as soon as she aged out.

She continued in silence, trying to think of an answer to Henry’s question that wouldn’t leave them both in despair, trudging along the street with aching arms from carrying all the bags all day, until the familiar bright lights of Mills came into view. It was tempting fate to spend another night there, but this time Emma had a much better plan.

“We’ll go camping.”

[lolabean1998]

Sweet pea fanfic (part 6)

After several hours of doing nothing but watching old movies, cuddle up to Sweet pea Em was feeling much better and had even managed to eat 2 slices of toast without bringing them back up. He had refused to leave her side even when fangs had called in wondering why they hadn't shown up for school. Toni had messaged Em letting her know that Lily was ok and had been hanging with the Serpents at lunch so the Ghoulies would leave her alone. That had put Ems mind at rest knowing her sister was being looked after since she was unable to protect her herself. 

Em had finally found the strength to get to her feet and was sat outside looking over at her plant filled balcony smoking a cigarette, Sweet pea sat by her side his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Hey Flower, why is my birthday marked on your calendar?” She wondered aloud. Sweet pea blushed a little, he didn't realise she had spotted his little gold stars surrounding the date on the calendar.

“Why is mine the code to unlock your phone?” he asked in response.

“I asked first.” Em said through a drag of her cigarette.

“You still owe me 18 questions.” He smiled making Em laughing a little before grabbing her sides in pain.

“Yes but you’ve done the questions now.” Em croaked, her voice quiet and strained.

“Which means you’re 18 questions in debt.” Sweet pea replied, “But its because that's the most important day of the year.” he kissed the top of her head and gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. Ems heart leapt at his answer, a warm glow filling her stomach. “So whys my birthday your passcode?” he pressed again.

“Because its the one day of the year that everyone else seems to forget to celebrate.” Em smiled and wriggled closer to Sweet pea resting her head on his chest. He never celebrated his birthday, very few people knew when it was so Em had made a point of making a cake and leaving it at his door with a little card next to it. 

“How did you find out?” Sweet pea asked looking down at her worn hands that were playing with one of the tassels on the hoodie he had given her.

“I heard one of the teachers talking about it a few years ago, when I was in the office waiting for dad to pick me up.” Em sighed. A look of surprise flooded into Sweet peas face.

“Em that was over 12 years ago, we were just kids back then.” He couldn't believe that she had remembered after all those years. 

“Where do you think the cupcake and card came from every year?” Em questioned closing her eyes and breathing in the comforting smell of Sweet pea.

“That was you?” His voice rose in shock, for years he had wondered where the mystery presents came from, not once had he considered the possibility of it being from the girl he had watched from a far, too afraid of hurting her to approach. 

“Well it wasn't the Easter bunny.” Em chuckled “Every one deserves cake on their birthday and your favourite cake is easy to make.” She had spent ages perfecting her cake making skills so he would have the perfect red velvet cupcake on his birthday. Sweet peas heart was just about fit to bursting, the girl he had been head over heels in love with for as long as he could remember, was his secret birthday cake fairy.

Lily came knocking after school to check on her, Toni had filled her in with all the details over lunch and as angry as she wanted to be she knew Em was only doing what was best for her little sister. Ems mum had decided to take the night off work when she heard about what happened.

“Em you look awful sweetheart. What were you thinking? You could’ve died.” Her mother warned handing her a plate of Chinese food and sitting between Em and her sister.

“Apparently she kept teasing them. Toni says she didn't stop smiling even at the last punch, Em just stood there swaying and grinning like a kid in a sweet shop.” Lily reported through a mouthful of noodles. “That said rumour has it she was after something Sweet. Weren’t you Em?” Lily teased. Her mother raised her eyebrows at Em. “You and Sweet pea finally noticed then.” Her mother questioned casually, making Lily choke on her noodles.

“She stayed the night at Sweet peas mum. If she hasn't noticed by now I owe Fangs twenty bucks.” Lily stated, her mother smacked the bag of her playfully. “Lily Mannings what have I told you about gambling on your sister.” Her mother scolded with a grin. “But mum Em does it to me all the time.” Lily gasped.

“Yeah but your predictable, your sister on the other hand, has always been a flight problem. Never known what she was doing from one minute to the next.” Her mother replied “Like when she suddenly took up baking cupcakes, to me weeks out what she was doing. It was only when I spotted her sneaking out to drop off a birthday cake for Sweet pea that I realised.” She smiled warmly at Em. “You should’ve seen the look on your face when you saw Sweet pea at school. The boy was practically glowing.”

“Mum that was years ago how do you still remember that?” Em groaned covering her face in an attempt to hide the blush that had flooded her cheeks. Her mother smiled at her placing a wise hand on her daughters knee.

“Sweetheart that's the day I knew you two were made for each other. Protecting each other from a distance.” Her mothers was soft and knowing, She had known for years that Em had feelings for Sweet pea and that he had the same feelings for her. She had caught him beating up a group of bullies that had been teasing Em about her tatty clothes and how she was always covered in engine oil or dirt from the bikes. Although they hadn't bothered Em in the slightest, she was always to busy to notice the constant accusations and taunts thrown at her but Sweet pea had stood up for any way.

“Mum please don't, we have not been protecting each other from a distance.” Em scoffed, apparently still in denial. Lily and her mother raised there eyebrows at Em giving her a glare that practically screamed ‘Are You Serious?’.

“Oh really? so why have you been making a birthday cake for him every for the last 12 years? hmm?” Ems mother questioned.

“Hey everyone deserves cake on their birthday.” Em defended shoving a dumpling in her mouth.

“Ok so what about the saving money you gave him when Lily ran over his bike. You’d been saving up for years so you could buy your sister some art supplies for her birthday.” Her mum questioned again.

“We owed him for the damage I was merely paying what we owed.” Em said more defensively this time. 

“Ok so why did he pay it back a week later.” Lily pointed. Em looked at her sister confused.

“What are you talking about Lily pad? He didn't pay me back.” Em frowned, Lily groaned dropping her head to her hands.

“Em do you ever look at your bank statements?” Lily droned.

“Nope, that's your job not mine. You think if I was in charge of the books we’d still have a roof over our heads. Pffft, don't be daft.” Em smirked, looking at her sister who was now staring in disbelief at her sister. “What?”

“Em your the one that pays the bills, where do you think the money comes from.” Lily gasped rubbing her temples, the stress of coping with her sisters blind ignorance to what was directly in front of her was hurting her brain.

“Yeah only ‘cos you tell me when to pay them!” Em stated, throwing a fortune cookie playfully at her sister.

“Em I love you but... My God Your Stupid.” Her mother gasped giving her a cheeky side grin. Just then there was a knock at the door. Ems mother got up and answered it only to be faced with Malachai, leader of the Ghoulies and he looked pissed. Em grabbed the switched blade in her pocket and shoved her knuckle dusters on.

“Hey dick face what are you doing here?” She snarled getting to her feet and pushing her mother behind her.

“Thought I’d come to collect something the belongs to one of mine.” He spat arrogantly taking a step forwards so his figure swallowed the door way, a menacing grin spreading across his face when he spotted Lily. Em spotted the path of his gaze immediately, not hesitating to flick open her switch blade and press the freshly sharpened blade against his throat.

“Get ... Out!” She threatened through gritted teeth raising her head to hold his newly focused gaze on her. She could see the hunger growing in his eyes, a trailer full of weak girls it must’ve felt like Christmas to him. But Em was having none of it, she pressed the blade harder on his skin cutting it slightly as she stepped closer pushing him out the door. He reached his hand up to wipe away the drop of blood that had run down his neck, looking at his finger tips to admire the red liquid. “You’re in trouble now little girl.” He growled his eyes turning to stone as he grabbed her arm as she went to press further and twisting it behind her back.“Fucking RUN!!!” Em roared to her mother and sister as she prepared to fight Malachai. Lily dragged her mum out the balcony doors pausing by the doors to look back at her sister, she wanted to help her sister too. “DON’T HESITATE LILY FUCKING LEG IT.” Em commanded, her voice deep and fierce, Lily could seethe rage and panic flood into her sisters eyes. She turned and ran to help her mum. Malachai now wrestling Em shoving her against the wall, greed filling his eyes. “Not today ass hole.” Em snarled, freeing her hand and giving him a sharp jab to the ribs with her knuckle dusters, he wouldn't forget that in a rush. The second he buckled at the pain Em swung from underneath him and gave him another strong blow to the jaw, slicing his arm as she went. He went to straighten up but Em was one step ahead of him, grabbing the back of his head and slamming his face into her bruised knee. A wicked grin now spread across her face, she had him where she wanted him. Grabbing his arm she pulled him down as she swung herself up so she had her lags around the side of his chest squeezing her knees as tight as she could the second their bodies hit the floor. She squeezed with all her might, shrieking as pain shot through her entire body. Then the sound of cracking ribs broke her agonised scream. She had broken his ribs. Em quickly pulled herself to her knees, sitting heavy on his chest before punching his face relentlessly with her bloodied fist. Fangs and Toni were on their way to check on Em when they saw her mother and sister running wildly from their trailer towards them.

“Malachai’s got Em in the trailer!” Lily gasped as she reached shouting distance. Fangs bolted towards the trailer pulling on his own blood stained knuckle dusters, Toni grabbed Lily and her mother throwing them in her uncles truck before throwing Lily her phone.

“Call Jughead!” She called as she rushed over to help Fangs. The pair burst through the trailer doors just in time, if they’d left it any longer Em might’ve killed Malachai. Fangs dragged Em off the bloodied gang leader, her face resembled that of a rabid dog in a face.

“EM, EM You got him. Its ok you got him.” Fangs repeated dragging her kicking and swinging outside. After minute of both Fangs and Toni pinning her to the ground, Em had cooled down and was now sat against Sweet peas trailer smoking.

“I’ve called Jughead and told him what happened, he said he’s getting some one to move this piece of shit and that we should head to the Wyrm for a bit.” Toni informed the group as she walked back up to the trailer with Lily and her mother in tow. Ems mother rushed over to her blood splattered child, fear filling her face.

“Chill mum I’m fine, he let his arrogance cloud his judgement.” Em reassured her mother as she began checking her over. 

“There’s that and the fact that you have the protective instinct of a blood thirsty bear.” Lily joked nudging her sister playfully as she got to her feet, walking with them back to Toni’s truck. Em grinned proudly, she was very pleased with that fight but she knew it wasn't over yet, she had just poked the wasps nest. Fangs noticed the worry in her eyes and put a comforting arm around her bruised shoulders.

“Don’t worry Em we’ve got you covered, they won’t be coming after you for a while.” Fangs said reassuringly, smiling warmly at her.

“Yeah you’re one of us now and besides after a show like that, Malachai won’t be coming within a mile of you.” Toni followed positively.

Em took another day off school, she was still sore from the previous few days and it was good excuse to avoid the wrath of Sweet pea. She had just finished cleaning up the mess in the living room from the events of the day before when her phone began buzzing off the hook. She reached over the kitchen counter and answered.

“Em the serpents have just been arrested, I’ve tried calling Fp but he’s not answering and I have no one to hang with now. It's bad Em I don't think I can take all the Ghoulies but its looking like I might have to.” Lily’s voice was high and stressed. Em knew that she wouldn't make it back in time to help her sister.

“Reckon you can get to my locker and the parking lot in?“ Ems mind now deadly focused on one thing, getting her sister out and quickly.

“Yeah I think I've got time why?” Lily said after a moments thought.

“Good in the box in my locker is a spare set of keys, the one with the flower on it is the spare set too Sweet peas bike. Remember the lesson Fp gave you?” Em instructed.

“Yeah I’ve got this. But we need to have a serious discussion about your relationship with Sweet pea later.” Lily joked trying to take her mind off her impending doom. She moved quickly and quietly through the corridors to Ems locker.

“Shut up Lily pad. Do you need the code to my locker?” Em asked, her voice sharp and to the point as she tried to dismiss the distressing imagines that floated through her mind. “Yeah its dads Birthday.” Lily whispered as she grabbed the box in Ems locker before closing it and darting to the parking lot. She made a break for Sweet peas bike as she passed the distracted Ghoulies who were mocking the last of the serpents as they were escorted to the cars. Lily threw on the helmet, turning the key just as one of her old friends called her out to the Ghoulies. No time to lose, she spun round and floored it out the parking lot taking the long way round to her trailer in an attempt to confuse the few that had tried to follow her. She whipped round the roads with ease losing the Ghoulies amidst the traffic. Lily hid the bike behind the hedge next to the trailer before slumping into the living and dropping like a rag doll.

“Fun trip?” Em asked handing her a glass of fruit smoothie, Lily sat up to take a large gulp of the orange liquid. “Em, we need to talk about why you have Sweet peas spare key.” Lily breathed turning to her sister and raising a demanding eyebrow. Em knew there was no getting out of this one.

“He gave it to me when he bought the bike. Said it was in case I needed to make a quick get away.” Em replied as casually as she could. Lily’s mouth dropped in shock and awe.

“Em that was years ago!” She gasped, “That’s so ... Cute!” she beamed, making Em roll her eyes at her overly dramatic sister.

“Shut up and drink your juice Lily pad. Fp will let us know if we can do anything.” Em said changing the subject.

“Well would you look at that, the Flowers been released.” Em called as she spotted Sweet pea walking towards his trailer, smiling when he spotted Em resting on his front porch. It was cold and dark, she must’ve been there a while as her lips were turning blue. “How are you doing?” Em asked standing up and opening the door to his trailer.

“Better than you by the looks of it Bambi. You’re freezing.” Sweet pea yawned wrapping an arm around Em as she handed him a cigarette. “How long have you been waiting out there?”

 “Few hours, not important. Your wrists look sore, lets get them treated.” Em brushed off, sitting Sweet pea down and fetching the icepacks from the freezer. Sweet pea smiled at her as she sat beside him and began gently treating the red burns around his wrists.

“Bambi you didn't have to do that. You could've frozen to death.” Sweet pea soothed watching as she wrapped his hands. 

“Shut up Flower and let me repay the favour. The amount of time you’ve taken care of me it’s about time I took care of you.” Em replied sitting back to admire her handy work.

“I look after you because ... ugh” Sweet pea sighed pulling Em closer. “Because I care about you Bambi.” Em looked up at him and smiled, leaning into his embrace. 

“I know Flower, I know.” She snuggled into him breathing him in. They lay there for a while enjoying the bliss of each others company. 

Masterlist

[theetreasureroom-blog]

Spring Cleaning

A time of year that rarely anyone looks forward to. Right? You nodded your head. Yes, I know. Me too.

While everyone is outside enjoying the sun and nice temperatures, you're stuck inside ... spring cleaning.

In my personal opinion, the process can be broken down into no more than four steps.

1.) DeClutter 2.) Clean Part 1 (walls, cabinets, carpet shampooing) 3.) Clean Part 2 (wooden/glass furniture, dusting, mopping) 4.) Organize

I'm going to go into finer detail here in a minute, but for those of you who just want the basics to then venture on your own, here is a checklist of everything that I personally recommend be on hand for when it comes time to actually clean.

✔ Disinfectant Wipes ✔ 10 Quart Plastic Bucket ✔ Liquid All-Purpose Cleaner ✔ Utility Cloths (such as hand rags) ✔ Sponges ✔ Carpet Shampooer ✔ Swiffer 360 Duster & Refills ✔ Swiffer Wet Jet (with appropriate liquid) ✔ Utility Cloths ✔ Wood Cleaner ✔ Glass Cleaner ✔ Paper Towels

If you're comfortable with the two lists I've created above, then good luck and happy cleaning! Hopefully the steps and supplies listed help you find your way to that squeaky clean house you're dreaming of.

If you feel you need a little more guidance with the process, then here are the steps explained in detail as well as why I recommend the supplies listed above. They will also be listed again and broken down in detail.

Step 1 – DeClutter

This is probably the most difficult step for people for a couple reasons. One, because the first step is always the hardest. And two, because no one ever knows where to start.

This is how I decide where to start: think of a jigsaw puzzle. If you're anything like I am, then you'll want to start with the easiest pieces, which are the four corners. Now, obviously you can't be working in all four corners at once, but the point is to pick a corner of the room. And if you're really struggling and don't know what part of the house to work on first, this is how I would approach it.

Multi-floor Houses Top floor to bottom floor because dust settles. Gravity at its finest.

Mobile Homes/Single Floor Houses Left to right or right to left. Up to you, really. It's all going to get done regardless.

Now that you've picked your starting point, what happens next? Well, it depends on the room you're working in. Are there a lot of things on the floor that need picking up? Perhaps a closet that needs to be sifted through? This would be a great time to decide if there's any clothing you'd like to get out of the house.

The point of this step is to get rid of anything you no longer feel you need. We all have those few shirts we don't wear anymore. So why let them clutter our closet? What about shoes? They could be perfectly fine, but you're just not feeling them anymore. Or that lamp your relative got you for Christmas five years ago that's just really not your style and it's probably been long enough now that they'll never notice it's missing from your house.

A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if the item in question serves you any real purpose anymore. And if it doesn't, then it's time to part ways with it. And remember, sentimental value can be considered a purpose.

Step 2 – Clean Part 1

Now that all of the clutter has been set to the side to deal with later, we can move onto the next step. We're ready for the cleaning supplies. Because looks aren't everything. You look clean, but now you have to feel clean. Below is a check list of what I would personally recommend be in your spring cleaning arsenal.

✔ Disinfectant Wipes ✔ 10 Quart Plastic Bucket ✔ Liquid All-Purpose Cleaner ✔ Utility Cloths (like hand rags) ✔ Sponges ✔ Carpet Shampooer

Disinfectant wipes are important because of any possible mold that has had time to form over the winter months when it was cold outside and toasty warm inside. That contrast in temperatures can create tons of moisture and moisture can potentially turn into mold or black mold. So disinfecting is super important when spring cleaning.

The bucket, liquid cleaner, cloths, and sponges are like the dream team in the game of spring cleaning. I'm sure there's an infinite number of liquid cleaners out there, but just make sure it's usable on the surfaces you have in your home. And if you're lucky, you might be able to find some that are antibacterial. The three brands that I've been most exposed to are Mr. Clean, Clorox, and Lysol. Since it's not something that we do often, my mother and I will usually go for any of those three brands. But you most certainly don't have to.

Now that you have your cleaning supplies and we know our starting point from step one, we can begin scrubbing! But what exactly should we be cleaning with this stuff? Good question and, honestly, it just depends on how adventurous you're feeling this spring.

Some people go all out while others just want to do the minimum. It also depends on how often you clean your house in general. Some people clean once a week, some every two weeks. And then there are those who clean maybe once a month. Everyone is quite different and that's okay. This is why there's spring cleaning, right? You're grumbling at me; I can feel it.

If you really have no clue where to start, here's a small list that might help you decide.

✔ Walls ✔ Windows ✔ Cabinets ✔ Carpet

That's really all I can think of because we aren't quite to the point of cleaning furniture or mopping.

WALLS If you're a pretty clean and hygienic person who's a stickler about cleaning the house, then you could probably get away with not washing the walls. Unless you really wanted to wash them. That's up to you. But you'd probably be safe with just spot checking your walls like I do. Because sadly moisture does draw in certain parts of the house where black mold tries its best to form on the walls and I have to scrub it off. But it's nothing too drastic.

WINDOWS Regardless of how clean a person is, I personally believe it's a good rule of thumb to clean the windows. Why? Because windows are a huge target for black mold. It's where the temperature of outside meets the temperature of inside. It can create that condensation that can potentially turn into mold. None of us probably notice it in the winter because we're too busy whining about how cold it is and how excited we are for warmer weather. But it's very important to check your windows for any mold. This is where those disinfectant wipes will come in handy. And if the disinfectant wipes aren't strong enough to get rid of the mold, I highly recommend you stop at a store and grab some cleaner that's tailored specifically to removing mold.

CABINETS Honestly, the cabinets are for those feeling super energetic and adventurous. Or those who have a lot of free time on their hands. They're a lot like the walls. If you're really clean and tidy, you probably don't have to wash them. Probably a good dose of Pledge or something would make them shiny if you have wooden cabinets. But that's it. And you can always wax them later in step three.

CARPET Again, if you're someone who regularly vacuums your carpet, then you probably don't need to shampoo it. Now, say there was a spot here and there and you repetitively said something like: “Oh, I'll get it next weekend.” And it's now three months later .... It's probably time to get that shampooer out or rent one. But that's just my personal opinion. Because if you're someone who has guests over or if you're in charge of the yearly holiday gatherings, you'll want a carpet that looks spotless, right? Not saying you have to move all the furniture out and into neighboring rooms, but if you want to just clean the spots here and there that matter most, that's totally okay, too.

Step 3 – Clean Part 2

Now that you've washed the walls, cleaned the windows really well, washed the cabinets, and shampooed the carpets, it's time for the fine tuning. This includes cleaning any wooden and/or glass furniture and mopping the floors.

✔ Swiffer 360 Duster & Refills ✔ Swiffer Wet Jet (with appropriate liquid) ✔ Utility Cloths (different from ones used in step 2 ) ✔ Wood Cleaner ✔ Glass Cleaner ✔ Paper Towels

I specified using Swiffer products instead of just saying any kind of duster or mop because I really think they're worth investing in. I myself own a Swiffer Extender Wand for dusting things like ceiling fans and the top of the refrigerator. It really comes in handy for us short people. But if you just can't stretch those pennies, then it's not the end of the world to get just any old feather duster along with a basic mop and bucket.

And then the wood cleaner and glass cleaner are for if you have a lot of wood and/or glass in your house. I personally use products like Pledge and Windex. But you can use any brands you want. That's entirely up to you. As far as the paper towels, that's really for when you clean the windows and any glass furniture. I'd recommend using the utility rags when using the wood cleaner.

Step 4 – Organize

Once your home has been washed, vacuumed, mopped, and dusted, you're now ready to put everything back. Without the hassle of the clutter. We've set aside what we no longer want. Now we can work on organizing what's left from the mess. The world has come a long way in terms of products designed to help us stay organized and making our busy lives easier. They make organizers for just about anything these days, including shoes, jewelry, and even your entire closets!

This is also a great opportunity to decide if you want to put things back the way you originally had them when you first started back in step one. Maybe it's your year to mix things up and rearrange your furniture? I'm not saying you have to, but it's something to think about. Sometimes we can trick our brains into thinking we've obtained something new if it looks new. And they say the modern day human feels good if he or she acquired something s/he didn't have before. Psychology. Such an intriguing topic.

Overview

I just went through the four steps to spring cleaning, including helpful lists along the way that contain recommended products based on my personal opinion as well as what to clean and where to start cleaning. Hopefully this guide has helped you in some way, shape, or form. If you have any further questions or concerns regarding your own mission in spring cleaning, shoot me a message or email me and I will help you out to the best of my ability. In the meantime, happy cleaning!

[shawnlhuntley45-blog]

My Favorite Gifts for Her Under $50 ~ 2017 Gift Guide + Giveaway!

If you're seeing My Favorite Gifts for Her Under $50 ~ 2017 Gift Guide + Giveaway! anywhere other than I'm an Organizing Junkie (or your feed reader) it has been stolen! Please let us know!

I'm so excited to share my 2017 Gift Guide with you which is a collection of Gifts for Her all under $50. My gift recommendations are things that I have bought for myself or for a gift for someone I love. In other words these are a few of my favorite things that I don't hesitate to tell you about to help you with your gift purchases this year. You may even find a treat or two to buy for yourself. That's okay too :)

I absolutely love buying gifts for others. I love the challenge of finding the perfect thing and then I love telling others about my great finds. So now I'm telling you. The links I've used are Amazon.com affiliate links (I will make a small commission should you choose to purchase through my links) but for my Canadian readers don't you worry almost all of these items are also available on Amazon.ca as that is where I purchased them from myself. Just remember prices are always higher in Canada unfortunately :(

Amazon is such a big online place that it can take a long time scrolling through pages and pages of products to find just the perfect gift. Well hopefully I'll save you a bit of time here. I've spent many hours curating this list for you, reading reviews, ordering and returning products. I'm a very picky girl. Crappy products annoy me, these products do not. They are not crappy. They are awesome!

Enjoy my 2017 gift guide and happy shopping my friends!

My 2017 Gift Guide – Gifts for Her Under $50

1) Faux Leather Backpack

This backpack is absolutely stunning. Such amazing quality for this price point. It's made of patent faux leather with pretty gold-tone zipper pulls. It's a nice size with plenty of pockets to keep your organized and it even comes with a duster bag. Also comes in other colors.

2) Bottom Dispensing Teapot

Okay how annoying & frustrating is it to use those small little loose tea contraptions to make a cup of tea only to have them not seal properly and get tea leafs in your cup? I know I hate it too. Plus they are a pain to clean out each time. Ain't nobody got time for that! This tea infuser releases one cup of tea directly into your cup and clean up is a breeze. I've had mine for quite a few years now, seriously it's the best! Combine this gift with some delicious tea and a pretty tea cup and you have yourself one gorgeous gift!

3) Heated Throw

I've had my heated throw now for a couple of years and use it every single night to take the chill off. It's one of my favorite things! It's not as big as a blanket which I like because it's easy to drag it around the house with me. I'm always cold so this keeps me all warm and cozy. Seriously what's not to love about being warm? Yep everyone needs one! In fact my 12 year old loves mine so much that I got him one for Christmas so I don't have to share mine anymore, whoot!

4) Painless Earbuds

I don't know if it's just me but earbuds always hurt my ears. I can never wear them for long because of the pain. Annoying! I got these Yurbuds many years ago and they are the most comfortable pair of earbuds that do not hurt my ears. They stay put too, even while exercising. I've had no problems with them at all and think that everyone should know about them. So great!

5) Warm Cozy Socks

So right up there with a nice heated throw for comfort are cozy cupcake socks. Yes these socks are cozy and delightful but they are also adorable because they package up into adorable cupcakes. I mean, come on! Great as a gift on it's own (maybe package them up with a nice foot lotion) or as a super fun stocking stuffer. They are sold in a set of two, one for you and one for someone else :)

6) RFID Zippered Wallet

Most everyone has a wallet but is it going to protect you against those sneaky crooks out to steal your hard earned moola? This lovely RFID blocking technology wallet will. It comes in a gift box perfect for easy gifting and it also has pretty gold hardware and a removable wrist strap. Available in red, black and blue.

7) Mason Jar Warmer

This is the one product I haven't personally tried because the price for us Canadians was ridiculously high. Over $100 in Canada but under $20 in the US, umm what? Look how adorable this wax warmer light is, I love it so much. How cute would it be sitting on your kitchen counter smelling your home up beautifully? And a great gift at a great price too! If you live in the US that is. Bummer for me though.

8) Earring Organizer

I love earrings and am constantly switching out the pair I wear on any given day. Usually they end up jumbled up in a dish I keep on top of my dresser but then I found this super clever earring organizer that keeps your earrings organized in book format. Saves so much time trying to find the pair you need in the morning. The holes on the opposite pages are offset so they don't hit each other and you can store up to 42 pairs. So smart! Available in black, pink and white.

9) Christmas Music

Okay I'm not sure I've ever confessed this on the blog but I have a wee obsession with Christmas music. Here's my collection:

Yep totally addicted. And totally old school I guess because I still enjoy owning the CD's. They make me happy and I believe they make a most excellent gift. My latest favorite that just came out this year is Lindsey Stirling's Warmer in the Winter. It's so good and festive!

She's an amazing violin player and she has some guest singers join her on the CD so it's not entirely instrumental. It's beautiful and lovely and a nice addition to a holiday party playing in the background. I heard about Lindsey because she was a contestant on Dancing With the Stars this year (another obsession of mine). She came second but only because she was up against Jordan Fisher who I knew was going to win from the very first show. Great season!

Oh and if you are interested, my ALL-TIME favorite Christmas CD is Johnny Reid's A Christmas Gift to You CD. Oh my!

10) Snowflake Necklace

If you know someone who loves snow then this is the perfect gift for them. Actually I don't love snow that much but I do love my snowflake necklace A LOT. I got one for myself and then immediately turned around and ordered another one for someone special in my life. This necklace is gorgeous!

The price is AMAZING and yet it doesn't look or feel cheap at all. It comes beautifully packaged in a nice gift box as well. Can't say enough about this stunner, such a sweet dainty gift!

11) Reusable Makeup Cloths

I've been using these reusable makeup cloths to remove my makeup for many months now. They really do work and no chemicals are involved, you only use water. They even take off mascara and eyeliner no problem and my face always feels so good after I clean it at night. Pick up a set for each of your girlfriends or as a stocking stuffer for your teenage daughter.

12) Touch Screen Gloves

I live in a northern part of Alberta, Canada. It's cold here you all but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have cute gloves to keep my hands warm. Not only are these warm and super fuzzy and soft inside, the touch screen fingers actually work so I don't have to take my gloves off to check my phone. And can we just take a moment to check out that bow? Right?! Totally adorable!

13) Memory Foam Slippers

Are you starting to see a trend here? I like to be warm what can I say! You have no idea how many slippers I tried out that didn't meet my criteria. I love a great slipper but I don't want to spend a fortune on them. These Dr. Scholl's slippers are a nice price and the quality is great. The memory foam is lovely and comfortable to walk on which I really appreciate it. Totally love these slippers and highly recommend!

14) Bite Lipstick Gift Set

This product is a holiday gift set available at Sephora. Bite lipsticks are one of my favorites. I love how easily they glide on and they don't include any yucky harmful  ingredients. Bite Beauty is crafted with natural and food grade ingredients. They also don't taste or smell awful either as a result. This sweet Bite Beauty mini lipstick gift set is made up of four lipsticks in four different shades to try out packaged in a pretty red tin. Such a great gift for the beauty lover in your life.

So that's it friends, 14 gift ideas for you under $50. I hope you found something in my 2017 gift guide that you like.

2017 Gift Guide Giveaway:

So remember that first gift idea I told you about? The beautiful black backpack? One of you is going to win it!! I'm so excited about it!

To enter to win this lovely backpack all you have to do is fill in the Rafflecopter form below. Giveaway open to everyone. As always only the first entry task is mandatory and all the rest after that are pure bonus for you (no comment necessary but of course they are always welcome!). Giveaway ends, December 7th at 4:00 pm MT. Good luck!  Please keep in mind that sometimes the Rafflecopter form takes a minute to load so if you don't see it right away, please be patient. Thanks!

If you are new here and would love to dig into some juicy organizing goodness here's a GOOD PLACE TO START and be sure to SUBSCRIBE so you don't miss a post. Good luck and Merry Christmas everyone!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

PS: Need a cute printable to track your gifts? Be sure to grab my FREE Holiday Planner Printable pack.

If you're seeing My Favorite Gifts for Her Under $50 ~ 2017 Gift Guide + Giveaway! anywhere other than I'm an Organizing Junkie (or your feed reader) it has been stolen! Please let us know!

[kitsink-blog]

The Talking Picture

written by Erin Colaluca

SCENE ONE

CURTAIN RISING. STAGE LIGHTS on PATTY in her living room. A large oriental rug is center stage with a coffee table on top of it. Scattered on the coffee table are mug coasters, a coffee cup, and a bottle of Windex. A velvet loveseat and matching chair are arranged around the table. A hatstand is placed on stage right. Upstage there is a large polished wood fireplace with a small fire inside. On the mantel there are pictures of Patty and Matt in shiny frames. Placed across the mantle are odd items, ones that do not look like they belong on a mantel, among them a dodo skull, a jar of dominoes, and an old flour tin gathered around an old clock set to four before six. There is a large empty space above the fireplace. Stage right of the fireplace sit several antique dolls on top of a leather pouf. Stage left of the fireplace stands a medium sized live Christmas tree, decorated with cranberry-popcorn chains, candy canes, and an angel and bow on top

Enter PATTY from stage left, wearing her homemade clothes and patchwork apron and a feather duster. PATTY moves around the stage dusting the objects on the mantel, humming to herself. PATTY lovingly arranges the dolls on the pouf from stage right. She picks up a larger doll and takes a closer look at it, setting the feather duster down on the mantel. PATTY tsks at the doll

PATTY: My, my, Delilah dear. Look at your poor skirt! How did I not see that rip?

PATTY holds out the doll’s skirt. There is a tear in the fabric

No worries, dear. I’ll fix it for you.

PATTY takes out a threaded sewing needle as she moves to the loveseat near the coffee table. She takes a sip of coffee and begins to sew up the rip

(To herself) My, my, my. How did that rip so quickly? Only yesterday I told Matt to be careful around my dolls when he was rearranging the furniture for the millionth time. (disappointedly; with a sigh)I should have know. Every time he walks in the room something breaks, whether it’s a clay piece by those ancient people who invented gyros or my ACL.(Beat) I do miss that pot though- There we go, Delilah. Good as new.

PATTY straightens the doll up and cuts the thread. PATTY tucks the needle back into her pocket and sets Delilah back in place

I’ve got to talk to Matt about that when he gets home. This is where I wish that he actually had a cell phone and not a tin-can system.

PATTY chuckles to herself and resumes dusting, humming. The clock rings six. PATTY stops cleaning and looks at the clock

Goodness. He’s running quite late. What in God’s name could he be doing?

PATTY looks around the room nervously

Maybe he got into a accident? (Beat) He could..he could be in the hospital right now! Dying on the operation table!

PATTY throws her feather duster on the coffee table and runs off stage right.

Matt, I’m coming! (Beat) No. (PATTY re-enters stage right) I’m getting ahead of myself. I would have been alerted by now if that was the case. (PATTY reaches for and hugs one of her dolls) Or maybe he was robbed! (PATTY squeezes the doll, and looks down at it) I’m sorry, Nellie. I know your joints are quite fragile. (PATTY replaces the doll and sits down on the loveseat) And we all know that no one would ever want the two dollar bills and bicentennial quarters he carries in his wallet everywhere. And he never uses them! It’s crazy! He’s crazy! (PATTY throws up her hands) Then I must be crazy, or I wouldn’t have married him!(Beat) I love him so much.

There is a sound of a door opening

MATT:(from offstage) Helloo!

PATTY: Matt!

MATT enters from stage right as PATTY crosses stage right. They hug and kiss. MATT takes off his coat and hangs it on the hatstand.

PATTY: How was work?

MATT: Good, how’d yours go? (Jokingly) Any promotions to manager coming up?

PATTY and MATT walk over to and sit next to each other in the loveseat.

PATTY:(Smiling) Soon. (Beat)(She grimaces) Other than that, it was terrible. You know what’s-her-name, Brianna?

MATT: Yeah, the one who works at Jo-Ann’s.

PATTY: Yes.

MATT: Is she also the one who steals your Lorna Doones?

PATTY:(annoyed) Yes. So today I walked into work at 8:45 on the dime and Brianna wasn’t at the register setting up the change for the day like she always does. And I went in and went to my clothing table to arrange fabric and she comes over to me and says that I’m late. And I say that I’m not. And boy, did she look like she took castor oil. She said that my Iwatch must be wrong and I told her straight that I didn’t own a Iwatch. And God forgive me for this, but I told her to stop bothering me and let me do my work and that she can check her UBanana Watch or whatever. Lord save me! And do you know what, Matt?

MATT: What? She gave you back your cookies?

PATTY:(Gives MATT a glare) No. She did steal my muffin though. And she was right, partially. (She points to the clock on the mantel) Our clock broke and was an hour behind.

MATT: Ah. So that’s why no one got the newspaper.

PATTY: I’m sorry, Matt. (PATTY kisses MATT on the cheek and hugs him) It’s been a bad day, that’s all.

MATT smiles, stands up, and walks off stage right

Matt? What are you doing?

MATT:(From offstage) Well, I have something to make you feel better. An early Christmas present. That’s my job, isn’t it?

PATTY rises from the loveseat

PATTY: What is it?

MATT: Got it from my antique shop. She’s an old relic, the exact date we’re not sure about. I think you’ll like her.

MATT reenters from stage right holding a 2’ by 3’ canvas, framed in gold embellishments and masked by a cloth. He hangs the canvas in the empty space above the clock. With a flourish, MATT takes off the cloth to reveal a painting. OPHELIA is sitting in the middle of it, but the audience can see her from the waist up. OPHELIA has long brown hair, tied up in a fancy coiffure. Her dress is white and ruffled, the sleeves accented by red bows. OPHELIA’S hands are folded in her lap and she smiles slightly. She looks like a young Mona Lisa.

PATTY: Goodness me. What’s it called?

MATT:(excitedly) We recieved her from an old Englishman who found her in a old house. The place was abandoned for years, all flooded and rotting, whole bunch of leakage, a real case. And he saw her, took a liking to her and her rarity, and brought her to the States to make a quick buck.

PATTY: Don’t we all.

MATT: He had no clue why the painting was even there to begin with, although he does remember a family living in the house, but they moved out ages ago. He called them, “a whole bunch of nutters”. Anyway, we took her out to a carbon dater in Providence, and they said that she’s a couple centuries old.

PATTY:(surprised) Oh my goodness… is it worth much?

MATT: Naturally. A hundred thousand, at least.

PATTY nearly falls down. She grips the back of the loveseat for support. MATT rushes over to her

MATT: Honey, are you alright?

PATTY:(Out of breath) Yes, yes, I’m fine.

MATT: Well then, I hope you don’t mind if we keep her.

PATTY swoons. MATT drags her out from behind the loveseat and helps her into a sitting position on the floor

Patty, love! Do you need to lie down?

PATTY:(waving her hand and moving herself to the loveseat) I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just that- (PATTY sits down) why don’t you want to sell it?

MATT sits down with PATTY and looks up at the painting

MATT:(takes a deep breath) I can’t sell her. She’s too beautiful. Too rare to lose.

PATTY opens her mouth as if to say something, but thinks better of herself and closes her mouth. MATT does not notice

What I find odd-that’s not really the correct word-um...unique about it is that she has no name, no backstory, and no creator She’s perfect for me- for us.

PATTY:(snorts) You and your oddities.

MATT:(laughs) You and your dolls. (Beat)

PATTY: Why do you call the painting “her”? Wouldn’t “it” be easier to call her by?

MATT:(Shrugs) I dunno. I think it’s because I feel like she has a life behind all of that paint. (Beat) And since she’s going to be staying here for so long, we should give her a little respect, don’t you think?

PATTY: I see. But I think it’s unnecessary. It’s just another piece in our collection of oddities, right?

MATT:(Laughs) Right. (A beat passes, in which they kiss) Have you thought of what we’re going to do for Christmas this year?

MATT stands up to look at the painting better. PATTY stands up to join him.

PATTY: Well, host a party, like we usually do. Let’s invite my roommate from college, I want to her how her work’s going.

MATT: Susan, right?

PATTY: Yes, Susan. And your parents, Mr. and Mrs. McCorvitch.

MATT:(noticeably bothered by this) Alright then. (Beat) We’ll show off the painting to them, too.

PATTY: You’re oddly passionate about this painting.

MATT: Look, I just like her. I’m sorry if you’re upset

PATTY: Mad? No, think nothing of it. I’m glad that you’re happy. (PATTY turns to face MATT)

MATT:(Turns to face her, puts his hands on her waist) Me too.

STAGE LIGHTS down. End of Scene One

SCENE TWO

STAGE LIGHTS up on the same room, only it is decked out for the holidays. The painting’s frame is adorned with holly and tinsel, and a fire is roaring away in the fireplace. Stockings are hung by the fireplace (with care). The coffee table is covered in hors d'oeuvres and champagne glasses, as well as a bottle of champagne. Around the coffee table are five velvet chairs arranged in a tight semicircle, leaving a space for the painting.

At the sound of a doorbell, PATTY crosses over from stage left to right, sans apron. MATT follows her, wearing a nice long-sleeve polo with a tie. PATTY answers the door, letting MR. and MRS. MCCORVITCH in from stage right. MATT takes their coats and hangs them on the hatstand amidst many hugs and kisses from MRS. MCCORVITCH. MR. and MRS. MCCORVITCH sit next to each other.

The doorbell rings again and SUSAN enters from stage right. SUSAN gives PATTY a bear hug. There are “thank you for coming”s and “Merry Christmas”es all around. Seats are taken, champagne is poured and toasted, food is eaten, and conversation is loud. SUSAN talks animatedly with PATTY. MR. and MRS. MCCORVITCH talk with MATT.

SUSAN:(To PATTY) These canapes are delicious, Patty. (SUSAN pats PATTY’S arm)

PATTY: Thank you, I made them myself. How is your job? Did you find a band to sing in?

SUSAN:(crosses her legs sloppily) Not bad, not bad at all. I did get stuck in a dark alley though.

PATTY:(distressed) Goodness! Did you get hurt?

SUSAN: It’s okay, though. The power went out while the kids were bowling and I had to get to the back room but I slipped on some oil and landed flat on my back and couldn’t get up!

PATTY: What?

SUSAN: I got a job at the bowling alley on Main.

PATTY: I see.

SUSAN:(Beat) How’s working at Jo-Ann’s?

Shift to MR. and MRS. MCCORVITCH and MATT’s conversation

MRS. MCCORVITCH:(acknowledging the painting) What is this beautiful painting?

MATT: She’s a rare relic from an abandoned house in England.

MRS. MCCORVITCH: Impressive. I am very pleased that you are interested in classical art, Matthew! (MATT turns red at this statement)(MRS.MCCORVITCH takes notice) Don’t be embarrassed, son! It’s an old medium that has lost its spark.

MATT: Thank you.(after a pause) Mom.

MRS. MCCORVITCH: It is very beautiful. Do you know the name of the subject?

MATT: Hm?

MRS. MCCORVITCH: The name of that girl.

MATT: No. Nobody does.

MRS. MCCORVITCH:(Sighs) Lost to time, I guess. What a shame. (To MR. MCCORVITCH, who is staring off into space) What a shame!

MR. MCCORVITCH:(Looking at her) Hm? Oh yes, indeed.

SUSAN and PATTY join the conversation

SUSAN: My god, that’s a tragic story. One day it has a name, the next it’s nobody.

MRS. MCCORVITCH:(Eyeing SUSAN ruefully) Only the beauty is what remains. And what a classic beauty she is! (To MATT) You have fine taste, son. Unlike some people around here. (Her eyes move from SUSAN to PATTY’S homemade sweater)

SUSAN:(Jokingly) I know a couple guys down at the alley who would pay to drool over it.

PATTY, SUSAN, MR. MCCORVITCH, and MATT laugh

MRS. MCCORVITCH:(icily) Indeed.

SUSAN: Cheer up, Mrs. McCorvitch.

MATT: Mom, it was just a joke.

MRS. MCCORVITCH: And so it was. (Gazing up at the painting) She is quite pretty nonetheless.

MR. MCCORVITCH has snapped out of a stupor and squeezes his wife’s hand

MR. MCCORVITCH:(Very quietly) Like you.

MRS. MCCORVITCH:(turns from the painting)Did you say something?

MR. MCCORVITCH:(disappointed) Never mind.

PATTY: She probably had a good husband though, to dress like that.

SUSAN:(in agreement) Mmm.

Everyone gazes at the painting. Suddenly, STAGE LIGHTS go down. BLACKOUT. Shouts rise unanimously

PATTY: Goodness me!

SUSAN: What the hell?

MATT: What?

MRS. MCCORVITCH: Mercy!

MR. MCCORVITCH: Jesus!

PATTY:(soothingly) Calm down, everyone, calm down. We must have blown a fuse, that’s all. I know I shouldn't have put the coffee pot, toaster, and microwave on at the same time. I’ll fix it. Stay calm, everybody.

PATTY stumbles off stage left. Three beats pass before the stage lights come back on. But OPHELIA is not in the picture frame. Instead she stands in the space between the chairs center stage. OPHELIA is visibly shocked. Three more beats pass as everyone stares at her. MRS. MCCORVITCH faints dead away; MR. MCCORVITCH catches and steadies her. PATTY reenters from stage left and freezes in place when she sees OPHELIA. OPHELIA draws herself up and looks around. Anger crosses her face

OPHELIA:(Demanding) Who are you?

OPHELIA spins around in all directions, her dress fanning out as she faces all onstage

Why do you think a painting is just an object to stare at? Why? We’re living creatures like you! Why can you not see that?

OPHELIA advances towards MATT and stares him down

Why did you sentence me to a life of a dust-gatherer sitting in your frame? Why?

MATT:(Stunned) I’m sorry…

OPHELIA slaps him; MATT bites his lip

OPHELIA: “Sorry” can’t fix my issues.

OPHELIA turns to SUSAN

Why do you insist on calling me an it? Am I not worthy of that title? I’m a woman, just like you! (Beat) Only a blind man could see otherwise.

OPHELIA pauses, and then slaps SUSAN

SUSAN: Hey!

SUSAN jumps up, landing a hook on OPHELIA’S jaw. OPHELIA claws at SUSAN’S face. MATT gets up and restrains OPHELIA from hitting SUSAN. OPHELIA kicks at MATT

OPHELIA: Let go of me!

MATT: Hey! Stop! 

OPHELIA slips from MATT’S hold. OPHELIA stumbles for PATTY, who backs up in fear

OPHELIA: Why did you let him do this to me? I thought you, of all people, would help me. But you’re just like all of them! (OPHELIA points behind her at the rest of the party. She is now crying) I hate you! I hate all!

PATTY:(Stunned) But you’re a painting. I must have had too much to drink…

OPHELIA: I’m real!

OPHELIA runs to the dolls on the pouf

PATTY: No no no no no!

MATT:(To OPHELIA) Don’t touch them!

OPHELIA picks up Delilah and throws her to the ground. It shatters. OPHELIA continues this with each of the dolls until all of them are completely broken. PATTY sobs. MATT runs to her and she buries her face in his shoulder. MR. MCCORVITCH covers his hand with his mouth

OPHELIA: How does it feel? How does it feel to have things taken from you? They’re stupid dolls! Stupid! (Beat) I’m real alright! I’m real! (Beat; OPHELIA looks from face to terrified face in the room)(meekly) I just want to go home.

STAGE LIGHTS down. End of Scene Two

SCENE THREE

STAGE LIGHTS up. The dolls have been cleared away and the pouf is empty. All traces of the party are gone except the decorations on the empty frame and the Christmas tree. The loveseat and chair are back in place. PATTY enters from stage left, with her apron on. She rubs her eyes, and looks from the empty picture frame to the empty spot where her dolls used to be and chokes back a sob. PATTY sits down in the velvet chair. MATT enters stage left.

MATT: Oh, honey…

MATT hugs PATTY from behind

PATTY: Did you find her?

MATT: No.

PATTY: What if she left? She could hurt someone!

MATT: I’m more worried about her getting lost.

PATTY looks at where her dolls used to be

PATTY: She’s just a painting. Paintings aren't human! They’re miles away from it.

MATT:(kneeling down at PATTY’S eye level) You heard what she said.

PATTY: Well, she’s not welcome here!

MATT: Ok ok ok. (MATT hugs PATTY) I’ll go find her and we’ll send her back home like she wants. It’s all going to be okay, see?

PATTY blubbers. MATT exits stage right. Three beats pass. OPHELIA enters slowly from stage left. MATT enters from stage right. They look at each other. MATT crosses over to OPHELIA, hugging PATTY along the way. PATTY does not notice OPHELIA.

(To OPHELIA) I’m sorry.

OPHELIA: I just want to go home.

MATT: It’s not that easy, though.

OPHELIA: Then make it easy.

MATT: I went to the post office...and it’s too expensive to ship you back to Scotland.

OPHELIA stares at her feet

I’m so sorry.

OPHELIA:(stares blankly) I’m stuck here.

MATT:(sympathetic) Would you like some coffee?

OPHELIA shakes her head

Would you like to sit down, then?

Ophelia sits on the loveseat silently. MATT exits off stage left. PATTY stares hatefully at OPHELIA

OPHELIA: I’m sorry.

PATTY refuses to make eye contact. Beat. MATT reenters from stage left with a fold-up chair and a cup of coffee. MATT gives the coffee to PATTY

MATT:(unfolding the chair center stage) Black. Your favorite.

There is a tense silence

(To OPHELIA) What is your name?

OPHELIA: Ophelia.

MATT: Pleased to meet you. I’m Matt, and this is my wife, Patty.

MATT extends a friendly hand. OPHELIA silently takes it. They shake hands. PATTY looks up.

PATTY:(to MATT) You are welcoming her into our home? You saw what she did to my dolls! (She dabs at her face with a handkerchief)

OPHELIA: You’re the one who angered me.

PATTY:(trying to control herself) But it’s natural for people to look at pictures. I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s your fault, you took it the wrong way.(PATTY blows her nose)

MATT:(patting PATTY’S shoulder)(to OPHELIA) No one here has ever seen a painting speak and move before. (Beat) Could you please tell me what you want?

OPHELIA: I told you. I want to go home.

MATT: Yes, but what do you really want? Like the heart’s desire sort of thing.

OPHELIA:(thinking) I want to be left alone.

MATT: I don't know of a world where anyone-human or painting- would want to be left alone.

OPHELIA: Then I want a world where I can do what I want.

MATT: And what would that be?

OPHELIA: To come and go out of my frame when I want.

MATT:(looks at PATTY, then at OPHELIA) You can do that here, you know.

PATTY: No, she can’t.

MATT: Patty, dear, she’s going to be stuck here for a while.

PATTY: She destroyed my dolls! And for all I know, no one will ever come here again, Christmas or not! Susan won’t even return my calls.(To OPHELIA) Did you see what happened when you left? Everyone skedaddled without even a goodbye. Now we look like bad hosts. (She hudders suddenly) If Brianna hears this, I’m as gone as gravy on a Sunday dinner.

MATT:(slightly grumpy) Patty, the shipping fee is too expensive to- (to OPHELIA) what town were you?

OPHELIA: Skye. In a house by the sea. Alone and beautiful.

MATT: Did you know the owner’s names? Maybe I can find them online.

PATTY: I’ll be. My husband’s using the Web.

OPHELIA: They’re not there anymore. (Beat) I think they died.

PATTY looks up

MATT:(Beat) I’m sorry.

OPHELIA: I just want to go back.

PATTY:(Beat) I wish I could go back..go back to when Jessie was alive…

OPHELIA: Jessie?

PATTY: My son. He died when he was four.

PATTY puts on a brave face. MATT reaches over and holds her hand

OPHELIA:(struck) That’s..awful. How?

PATTY: Cystic fibrosis. Terrible, terrible disease. (Beat) Jessie was the light of my life.

MATT:(Beat) I miss him too.

OPHELIA looks at her feet

PATTY: Ophelia...dear(as an afterthought, stumbling over what to say) I’m truly sorry. (Beat) Our lives haven’t been easy-that much is clear-and I feel like I violated your memory of home-your house on Skye. My home is with my complete family.

OPHELIA: I’m sorry about Jessie. (Beat) And your dolls. I’ll try and pay you back any way I can.

PATTY: Well.. I don’t think you need to. Those dolls were falling apart. (Beat)(PATTY looks at MATT) Besides...I feel like I was holding onto them, like they were my..children. (MATT squeezes her hand tighter) I guess that’s why I held on to them.

MATT: I was going to tell you that, Patty. It’s not healthy to hold on to the past.

PATTY: You’re right, you’re right. (Beat) I’m trying to let go of the past. After all, we have-how many years left ahead of us? (attempts a smile)

OPHELIA reaches over and takes PATTY’S other hand

OPHELIA: I think..I think that I need to let go too. (To MATT)  Save your money, please. (Swallows heavily) Perhaps...perhaps I can stay? Don’t sell me, okay? And don’t look at me too much. (Beat) I promise not to break anything else.

PATTY:(thumbing at MATT) You could teach this fellow a lesson.

OPHELIA smiles slightly

Honestly, Ophelia. I-

MATT: We would be honored if you stay. You’re an interesting person. (MATT smiles warmly)

OPHELIA: Thank you. Thank you all so much.

MATT: You’re welcome.

OPHELIA moves over to PATTY. They all embrace.

STAGE LIGHTS down. SPOTLIGHT on the empty picture frame. SPOTLIGHT out. End of play