#God remember first season when they tormented Sam?

[saywhatjessie]

FAMBLEEEEE

[asrainstorm]

I LOVED the moment where in the city of the righteous (during the apocalypse) the harlot pretended to be a preacher. Cas said that only a minister of heaven could kill her, and then began to explain why everyone present didn't fit, in explicit order "from best to worst." And he named Dean first, only then himself. I mean, you see, he, the angel, put himself below the hunter who has been in hell for forty years and tormented souls there with pleasure... I dream of meeting someone one day who will look at me with the same warmth and love, as if I were the perfect person, always deserving of salvation, as Cas looks at Dean.

BUT I LOVE the resentful way Cas looks at Dean when he wants to agree to let Michael in. He's done everything for him, given everything away, and now the damn Winchester is going to sacrifice himself again – what an idiot! And he runs to Dean in the bomb shelter so soon, just to make sure of his condition, to help, to follow up as best he can. To be exorcised by the sigils. And then he runs again and finds him without difficulty; maybe sometimes Dean does need a good beating to bring him to his senses.

I LOVE that Dean thinks he's naked without that amulet pendant, but almost immediately gives it back at one request (command) from Cas. And lets him lug it around, doesn't ask, but just, well, gives it away. He even forgets about it for a while. Just because Cas said "please," just because it's important to him, even though Dean himself doesn't believe in God, just because there are no other options.

And I REALLY LIKE the fact that Cas brings the amulet back, even when he's totally trashed and frustrated and devastated. Well, promises are important to Castiel, he doesn't mince words, but his condition is too human-like for an angel at that time, so hardly anyone would blame him for forgetting. A little later he would have returned the pendant anyway... Or maybe that's what the clipping lose of faith in God and devotion to him showed. Either way, no one would blame Cas. But in his mind, that promise was brighter than his own strife.

I LOVE that Castiel didn't regret bringing Dean back to life for a single second. It almost goes without saying – he did it and would do it again, even if he were stuck in a time loop with Winchester's death as the exit. No way in hell; better to be dead than... this.

It's a little different for Dean, though: he's got that "Why me? Why me of all people?" look, and Castiel has nothing to say, at least not that he knows what kind of words Dean would like to hear.

While speaking of freedom, Cas looks at Dean. Staring intently, catching his gaze and holding it so that he understands first, even though the conversation is supposedly with Sam, too. It's as if Dean's awareness is most important; he's hard to reach, of course, he's the bone structure of impulsiveness, but a little attention to the other Winchester wouldn't hurt either. No kidding, it's easier to tell when Castiel isn't staring at Dean in a huge crowd of people, just at him. Or when Dean doesn't do the same. Really.

And maybe Cas didn't kill fifty thousand people for him and Sam, but he probably would have done it under different circumstances, because Cas is more in love with humanity than anyone else. With the Winchesters. With Dean, as a matter of fact.

He's patient. All of Dean's tantrums, the rudeness, the injustice, the ingratitude, his constant challenges during the war, when Cass is the busiest, he’s patient. Gently takes any insult and also gently responds, as if speaking to a child, so affectionately and ingratiatingly. Everything tolerates and complies with every request. Maybe it's the nature of all angels, but Castiel changes, and we all remember how he was at the beginning of the fourth season. That Cas wouldn't even listen. This one listens and complies, as if he had put a collar on himself, holding out a leash to the Winchesters, but saying: "I don't serve people and certainly not you, Dean." Just to be clear, we all believe him, of course. Yeah. Totally.

And Dean, oh… Dean wants to be special and unconsciously gets angry when that status is taken away. To Castiel, he’s more important than anything, but it's not enough. Probably. He says as if he doesn't believe in Dean the way Sam does, but, damn, he believes and very much so, and the death of hundreds of versions of Winchester doesn't give him the strength to take the life of the real one (the only version who secretly would love to die).

I LIKE that Dean, this person with the most painful and impressive trust issues, was the only one who faithfully believed that Cas was not involved in Crowley's plan. He kept repeating, "That's Cas, our friend! He won't work with Crowley, hey, come on," though doubts obviously plagued him, no matter how desperately he tried to quell them. And Cas was winning him over. His gaze was permanently fixed on Winchester's grim face, on the denying and struggling with his thoughts Dean, who had so rarely thanked him aloud before, but paid off everything with his inhuman devotion.

And when the truth is revealed, when it's obvious to everyone, Dean stubbornly continues to hope; he says, "You have to look at me. Look me in the eye and tell you're not working with Crowley," he begs. Perhaps, just perhaps, he is asking for Cas to lie. But Cas doesn't lie, he's an angel of the Lord, and Dean looks with such despair, as if a needle of a dead man's blood had been thrust into his heart, wounded by betrayal as deep as his fear of being betrayed extends. He feels bad. But even then, he's the only one who says it's not too late. And that everything can be fixed. That he's always been here. As he runs away, he turns around to look at Cas one more time, rejected but not yet abandoned, and later Cas really comes back to him.

"After Sam, Bobby and you are my dearest people," Dean opens up to him, trying his best to reach out, saying things he sometimes didn't do for Sam either, but Cas turns away from him so cruelly, but with the same regrets in his soul. Because he's confused, he's lost, and he thinks he's doing the right thing; he cares so much about the Winchesters, about Dean, that he's confused about aspirations, about what he wants to do and how to achieve it.

Dean hates himself so much. No one – not the monsters he's killed, not the souls he's tormented, not the people he's let down for some reason – hates him as mind-blowingly as Dean hates himself. And he sees everything as his own fault: if a volcano erupts somewhere, of course he blames himself alone. If he saves only a hundred and ninety-nine people out of two hundred, he'll be drowning in regret for the rest of his life. And I honestly think Sam had no right to be angry when Dean killed Amy; of all people, Sam knew better than anyone what his father had taught him, and what an excellent student his brother was.

Dean's eyes are dim, though he smiles broadly, and his eyelids redden very quickly; he wants to cry, but he can't afford it, because he is the eldest. It's as if he lives only because of his seniority over Sam, and not in the sense of suicide (well, not just it), like... Almost as if he wasn't worth living, but someone has to look out for Sam and his troubles with head.

Dean always loves others more than they love him. Always. And he is willing to do more for them. People, family, friends – Dean needs them all more than they need him; "Thanks for caring, but I don't need you anymore," "Did you ever stop to think that everything is your fault?"

"Why do you ask? As if... you don't think you're worthy of salvation."

Hammered. Abusive. A lonely, tired and shattered man. Lost, abandoned, God, how does he wake up in the morning? How does he still breathe?

It's ironic, really, that the only one with whom his "curse" doesn't work is also forced to suffer the same thing: Cas’ true happiness is in acknowledging his affection and love, and he's dying for three damn words. Dean, no doubt, thinks it's his fault, too. And he won't let others confess their love to him anymore. Never.

He's anxious beyond belief if nothing bad happens in his life because he's used to constant fear; he's so lonely, but so afraid to let himself get close to others. He has been betrayed, abandoned, even Cas has done it. But Cas is stronger than the others, though, and he probably would have been strong enough not to die as a mere mortal. Dean's usually protective – so, well, it would be nice to feel safe, wouldn't it? But Cas is dead with ends, and Dean is dead, too, but in a very far away place where even the illusion of Cas is not here. And he's happy… Not completely, though, but as always.

Let's say it again: the only one who loved Dean more than Dean loved in return with his immensely large and affectionate heart was Castiel. And Castiel was the one who died to love Dean exactly to that extent.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

now that I've accepted that I am forever unclean and that Analyzing the CW’s Hit TV Show Supernatural Specifically Dean Winchester is the regular hell loop that is my brain -

I Have Some Words to Say About Miracle (the dog):

Yes, this motherfucker.

(this episode contains SPOILERS from Season 15 of Supernatural including 15x09, 15x18, 15x19; TRIGGER WARNING - abuse, trauma, self harm, and spn 15x20 analysis).

I know we as a collective were confused (and angered) when instead of getting his One True Love at the end of the series, Dean Winchester got....a dog.  No offense Miracle, because you are cute and fluffy and I’d keep you forever

YES FOREVER YOU ARE SO FLUFFY COME HOME TO ME NOW

but

Dean Winchester does not like dogs.

Some have theorized it’s because he was killed by hellhounds at the end of Season 3, which is enough to give you a little canine PTSD:

Even explaining the following behavior in Yellow Fever:

He was also killed by this dog at one point in Mystery Spot:

It’s canon he has a strong aversion to dogs in the Impala:

(I would like to know more about Don)

There’s also probably lingering/repressed anger around that whole Sam never looked for him while he was in Purgatory situation:

There is, however, ONE prior episode in which Dean doesn’t hate dogs.

In Dog Dean Afternoon, when, as a side effect of a spell, he takes on the characteristics OF a dog.

(don’t let anyone tell you Jensen Ackles doesn’t have range, by the way).

SO MY THEORY ON “WHY MIRACLE” BASED ON THE AFOREMENTIONED IS:

As essentially everything, it all goes back to John Dumpster Fire Winchester, Father of the Year.

If you’re a John Winchester apologist, you should just stop reading now.  Also just don’t.  There is NO REASON TO DEFEND THIS MAN.

We know John was abusive.  Just one example of what  he put Dean through when he was NINE that he STILL remembers.

Also, this:

I could go on, but you get the picture. Why people were so thrilled when he came back for Lebanon keeps me up at night (nothing against the wildly talented Jeffrey Dean Morgan; he is fantastic, but John Winchester is trash). 

Dean’s childhood abuse is part of the reason he is convinced he is unworthy of anyone and anything.  It’s the first thing Cas notices about him.

Sam knows it too.

Even Crowley:

Abuse is generational.  Dean has shown he has potential to continue the cycle.

With Sam:

(not mentioned, lying, controlling Sam’s choices, the angel possession thing)

With Ben when he lives with Lisa:

He snaps at him about taking a gun from the Impala’s trunk at the beginning of Season 6, and then in Live Free or Twihard he physically pushes him against a wall (granted he’s a vampire at the time, but still - not an excuse).

With Jack:

At the outset of their relationship, Dean treats Jack the way John treated Sam.  He initially blames him for Cas’s death just like John blamed Sam for Mary’s (remember when John not only forced Dean to fucking single-parent Sam but later told Dean he may have to kill him seriously I could strangle this man).

Dean is terrified of turning into his father and perpetuating the cycle.  Remember the lyrical genius of Single Man Tear in Fan Fiction?

“But underneath this broken mask It is my father, with all his wrath”

That’s why he pushes away the people who love him the most.  He deeply believes he will inevitably hurt them.

He doesn’t even allow himself to begin a relationship with Jack at first.  The Jack/Dean arc is wildly important in all of this not only for representing Dean’s fear in perpetuating the cycle, but also because Jack/Dean is a narrative mirror for Dean/John.

Remember what Jack was doing before this? (TW: self harm)

Think about that in terms of Jack representing Dean.  Sit with it for a second.   Oof.

I posit to you this is also why Dean becomes so aggressive in using Jack to stop Chuck in Season 15.   Remember Dean consistently refers to the hamster wheel (a literal CYCLE) throughout this season.  This ties directly into Dean’s fear that he can’t control his life; that he is destined to become just like John - abusive and cruel. Team Free Will for Dean has always represented the glimmer of hope that this will not be his ending.

15x05:

The gun is gone, but it turns out Jack can be the weapon that ends God.  Think back to someone else who was fighting a Big Bad in Supernatural, and was so obsessed with finding the weapon to end him that he sacrificed everything, including his family for it.  Dean is acting exactly like John Winchester.  He’s perpetuating the cycle.  And that’s also part of the reason he shoves Cas away - because he believes this is inevitable, this is who he was always going to become.  

That’s why the purgatory prayer is BRILLIANT and important:

Dean is finally talking about his anger; his fear of the cycle. How his first response to stress and conflict is anger, just like John’s. He is acknowledging and accepting that this is in him, and sharing it with Cas.

WOOF ok so back to dogs.  You forgot this post is about dogs right?  So, we all know dogs give us unconditional love.  The best and truest kind.

Abusers also tend to abuse animals.  Dean’s aversion to dogs is a manifestation of the cycle of abuse. He believes if he gets a dog, he will inevitably abuse and torment it, because he believes that is who he is.  So he just acts like he doesn’t like them.

Until this happens:

And the very next episode, we meet Miracle.

Tell me this isn’t a man who has ALWAYS LOVED DOGS.

And BTW he has no issues having Miracle ride in the Impala.  Because that wasn’t ever the real problem to begin with.

Cas’s words of love helped Dean break the cycle.  

Reinforced in the finale (derogatory): 

When Chuck says -

Dean responds with that’s not who I am.  

And that’s the reason for Miracle.  Dean’s Team Free Will ending is breaking the toxic loop, and accepting love without fear that he will destroy it.  It’s acknowledging that while the history of abuse exists, it does not have to control or define him.  He chooses a different path.  He chooses to be defined by love.  

But he was still robbed of actually living his life with the people who got him here.  I will never stop screaming that he deserved better.  If you are fighting against this cycle, please know that you too deserve better.  

Oh and John Winchester 10000000000 percent belongs in hell. 

Which is why the Sexy Silence continues.

BONUS FOR SEROTONIN:

[fandom-imagines-stories]

365

Season Two Premier 

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 2385

Masterlist 

Summary: At peace with her family, Amara gives Dean a reunion he was never expecting. But Mary isn't the only one she brought back. Now two women must adjust to being in the land of the living, one having been gone for 33 years, and the other having spent the past 365 in hell. 

Notes: I told you I had something planned! Let me know if you’ve missed this series and if you're happy to see more. Responses mean the world. 

-

Amara looked at each picture curiously. She saw Dean as a young boy, smiling brightly in the arms of his mother. The woman that started it all. Her death put him on this course. This painful, dark journey. Amara set the picture aside, noticing something shine from the back of the drawer. 

She took out a small tin box. Inside were more photographs. Amara examined one in particular. It was Dean leaning over the hood of his car. Around his waist were the arms of a laughing woman. He had a glint in his eyes that Amara hadn’t seen. It was then that she understood. Dean would never be with her. He could never join her in her new world. His heart was far, far away. Perhaps she could bring it back to him. 

-

Mary couldn’t get her out of her head. That woman. Who was she? She had looked at her… like she knew her. 

“You okay, mom?” Sam asked, noticing the far off look in her eyes. She had been acting strange, but that was, of course, understandable. She just came back from the dead, for Chuck’s sake. She gave her youngest a small smile. 

“Yeah, I’m just daydreaming, I guess.” She glanced around the kitchen, noticing an absence. “Where’s Dean?” 

“He’s probably going to spend the day in his room.” Sam sighed deeply. “Today is a sort of anniversary for him.” 

“Anniversary? For what?” From the look on her son’s face, it couldn’t be good. Sam sat down and motioned for her to join him. 

“A few years ago- three, to be exact- we lost someone. Dean lost someone.” He clasped his hands together on the table. The wound of losing one of his closest friends had healed some, but it still stung. Especially today. “He loved her. And she loved him. Maybe too much.” He shook his head. It felt like so long ago. 

“Dean found someone?” Mary smiled slightly. She had hoped her boys had been loved by someone, since she wasn’t there. Sam nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah he did.” He tried not to get choked up, but remembering still pained his heart. And for Dean… After losing Jessica, Sam wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. His brother had shouldered it for the past three years, accepting little to no help. He never even talked about her. 

“What happened?” Mary asked softly. Sam opened his mouth to answer, but he didn’t get the chance. 

“She died.” Dean said, having appeared in the doorway without them noticing. He crossed the kitchen and poured himself some coffee before joining them at the table. “Three years ago today.” 

Mary didn’t know what to say. She had more questions, but it didn’t seem like the time to ask them. Sam and Dean both looked… broken. All she could do was offer some kind of comfort. She put a hand on top of each of theirs. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Dean looked into her eyes and she looked into his. They weren’t the same eyes of her bright little boy. They held so much pain, so much loss. She had to tear her gaze away. 

She had only been back for about a week and everything was so overwhelming. She should have been there for them. She should have made sure that they never had to feel this pain. She never wanted them to be hunters. She just wanted them to be boys. 

Dean finished his coffee and retreated to his room. Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but he just sat in uncomfortable silence. Mary’s heart ached. She just wanted them to be boys. 

-

He should be used to losing people by now. In three years, he should have gotten over it. Losing you. But even now, the image of your last smile as the hell hound tore away your flesh was burned into his brain. He would never forget. He opened the drawer of his desk and found the small tin box. 

A quiet knock caught his attention and he turned to see his mother in his doorway. She gave him a small smile. 

“Can I come in?” He nodded in reply and she sat on the edge of his bed. For a moment, she didn’t have the courage to say anything. How would he react? Would he get upset and make her leave? Or would he close up and not say a word? Maybe, hopefully, he would talk to her. He could make her forget how much she had missed. “Can you…” She paused, waiting for a sign to continue. Dean looked at her expectantly. “Can you tell me about her? I know you probably don’t want to talk about her, I just-”

“It’s okay.” He sighed, putting a hand on top of the box on the desk. “Sam’s always saying that if I talk about her, it keeps her alive in a weird, hippy sense of the word.” He shook his head to himself. Mary watched him carefully, making sure she didn’t push any boundaries. 

“What was she like?” Dean thought for a moment. 

“Stubborn.” He chuckled deeply. “If she thought she was right, you’d never get her to budge and she always thought she was right. God, the fights we used to get into…” He paused, recalling a few in particular. “She had a big heart and wasn’t afraid to show it. She was tough and smart and funny and beautiful. Best damn pool hustler I’ve ever seen. That’s actually how we met.” 

Dean leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He ran a hand over his face, trying to hold back tears. 

“How long were you together?” Mary wondered. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. He was staring off into memories. 

“Four years.” He answered quietly. “She- uh- she was there for me when Sam…” This was more than he was ready to talk about with her. How was he supposed to tell his mother that her sons have been to hell? How did he tell her that Y/N was there because of him? He forced his shoulders back and sat up straighter. “Anyway, um, this-” He passed Mary the box of photos. “This is her.” 

Mary opened the tin slowly, peering down at the photographs with a sad curiosity. As she looked through them, her expression changed. She selected one that gave her a clear view of the woman’s face. She was smiling, a beer in hand and a bright glint in her eyes. Dean was beside her, staring at the woman like she was the only thing in the world. Mary’s eyes widened and Dean noticed her body language shift. 

“What is it?” 

“Dean I…” Mary was hesitant, but she knew without a doubt that she was right. “I’ve seen her before.” Dean’s brows knitted together. 

“What?”

“I know this girl.” 

“Mom, that-” Dean sighed, “That isn’t possible. You died before Y/N was three.” Mary handed him the picture. 

“I saw her, Dean.” She insisted. 

The two stared at each other. Mother and son. Dean broke his gaze first. 

“I think Sam needs help in the library.” He said, his voice becoming flat and emotionless. “Please go.” 

“Dean-”

“Mom.” He stared at the wall, his command firm. “Please, just… I need some time alone.” 

Mary didn’t say anything else. She put the pictures back in the box and tried to hand it back to him. When he didn’t make any move to take it, she set in on the desk and left. 

Dean resisted the urge to throw the box across the room. The metal was already dented and battered from other fits throughout the years. Dean just kept his eyes trained on the ground, wrapping his head around his mother’s words. She was wrong. It couldn’t have been Y/N. It just couldn’t. 

-

One Week Ago

“Mary?” You gasped, gaping at the woman across from you. Everything was dark, clouds of black surrounding you from every angle. Through the darkness, you could see a woman you only knew from pictures. A woman that had been dead for over 30 years, or at least she was when you were still on earth. You were surprised you still remembered. 

“Who are you? Where am I?” She asked, eyes wide with uncertain panic. Before you could answer, you felt something pulling you further into the darkness, yanking Mary back in the other direction. 

When you opened your eyes, you were staring at the sky. The real sky. The night sky stretched out, stars shining brightly down at you. So bright you had to shield your eyes. Your skin pricked with every movement. You were cold. You were naked and you were cold. 

You stood slowly, your legs barely able to hold yourself up. The night air sent goosebumps up your bare arms and legs. The dead grass crunched under your feet and you took a deep breath. 

“Very funny, Levina.” You called into the night. This wasn’t the first time the demon had tried to trick you, made you believe that you were free only to pull you back into your torment. “You must be running out of ideas.” You crossed your arms over your chest to try and stay warm. There was no answer. “Levina!” 

“You aren’t in hell anymore.” A voice startled you. You whirled around to see a woman in a black dress looking at you curiously. “Surely, you can tell the difference.” 

“Who are you? What do you want?” You took a defensive stance, backing away as she stepped forward. 

“I’m the one that lifted you from your torment.” She said it like it was obvious. “You’re free now.” 

“You think I’m going to fall for that again?” You scoffed. “You must be getting a little rusty, Lavina. Have to say, I like this face more than the old one.” 

“My name is Amara. We have a friend in common.” 

“Let me guess; Lucifer? Well tell the dark lord if he’s up for round two, I can handle-”

“Dean Winchester.” She interrupted, making you shut up. “He misses you. I want to give you back to him.” 

“Why the hell should I believe you?” You growled. “Dean doesn’t even remember me.” 

“You’re wrong.” She shook her head. This time, when she stepped towards you, you let her. “I can’t erase what they did to you in hell, but I can assure you that you are no longer in their grasp. Find Dean.” With that, she just vanished. Poof. Gone. 

You didn’t have many options, so you just walked. You found a road and mindlessly walked beside it. Every step ached. You had numbed yourself for so long that every gust of wind felt like a thousand tiny needles stabbing your flesh. You weren’t sure if you were capable of feeling anything else. Only pain. 

Headlights drew closer and closer, quickly joined by flashing blues and reds. You didn’t stop walking even when you heard the car door open and close. 

“Ma’am are you alright?” The police officer’s voice cut through the night, but you barely heard it. Your ears just kept ringing with the sound of your own screams. You stopped and turned around. The woman was approaching you slowly with a look of sympathetic concern. Being naked and wide-eyed, it wasn’t hard to read her thoughts. But she had no idea the depth of violation you’d been through. You took a heaving breath. 

“I need to find Dean Winchester.” 

-

Now

“Dean!” Sam called, knocking on his older brother’s bedroom door. “Dean, we need to talk.” 

“Sam, not now.” Dean groaned, opening the door just enough to give him a glare. “I really don’t want to talk or deal with any of your other hippy healing crap.” 

“It’s Jody.” Sam pushed inside without giving him time to object. “She said she needs us in Sioux Falls right away.”

“Did she say why?” 

“No, but she sounded pretty freaked. Apparently, she’s been trying to get a hold of us for a while, but things kept coming up or we weren’t answering.” Sam sighed, running his fingers through his hair. 

“To be fair, our mom came back from the dead and you were being tortured by that British bitch.” Dean countered, feeling guilty for ignoring Jody’s calls. “What did you tell her?” 

“That we’ll be there before morning.” 

Dean nodded in agreement. 

“I’ll pack a bag, you tell mom we’re leaving.” 

“I think she should stay here.” Sam suggested, keeping his voice down like it was a secret. Dean gave him a strange look. 

“What? Why?”

“She needs to adjust, Dean. Maybe giving her just a few days to herself here in the bunker will help her do that. Besides, we don’t know what’s going on and it could be dangerous and I…” He sighed. “I just don’t think she needs any more excitement right now.” Dean thought for a moment before he nodded. 

“Alright, tell her that we’ll hopefully be back in a few days and that she can call us or Jody if she needs anything.” 

By the time the two brothers got packed up and ready to go, a dark feeling had settled deep inside Dean’s chest. Something felt off. It sunk into his lungs and into throat, as if a shadow was trying to strangle him. When Sam climbed into the passenger seat, his brother looked white as a sheet. 

“You okay?” Sam wondered, half tempted to ask if he should drive, but he didn’t want to get punched. 

“Something about this feels wrong, Sam.” Dean muttered, shaking his head as he started the car. 

“What, do you think it’s a trap?” It wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility. With the British Men of Letters and Lucifer out there, it wouldn’t be that shocking that someone was out to get them. But Dean shook his head. 

“I don’t know what it is, but with the buckets of crazy we’ve been through, I don’t think it’s good.” The two let that sink in, pulling out onto the road. Hoping to distract himself, Dean switched on the radio. Both brothers froze as the beginning words made Dean grip the steering wheel. Chuck sure had a cruel sense of humor on today of all days. 

Sister Christian, oh the time has come… 

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624; @halesandy; @livshaes; @d-whinchestergirl87; @mrspeacem1nusone

The Deal Series: @writeroutoftime

[veliseraptor]

If you want to do an ungodly blast from the past, how about Supernatural for the meme?

oh my god just going deeper and deeper into my fandom past here aren't we, but HEY WHY NOT this sounds like fun. also revealing of how one-track-mind I was/am when it comes to feelings about this show.

please note that I stopped watching at season 7 p much so anything after that is a complete and utter unknown to me

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): Sam Winchester. my boy. there will probably always be a small corner of my heart that is a moderately bitter Samgirl, deep down

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): yeah still Sam Winchester

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): Ruby, probably. Ruby was great. you go, girl. good job

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): man I feel like my problem here is that I don't even really remember the minor characters in Supernatural. I know they were there technically speaking but my memory for them is pretty fucking minimal. and I was always in this show for the fucked up siblings and not much else lbr

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): I feel like Sam counts tbh and I'm putting him down here because I can which makes the fact that

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): this one is also Sam Winchester utterly unsurprising! I mean I think my first encounter with the concept that there were other people who were into a genre of fic specifically devoted to beating up a character that you liked was oh_sam on Livejournal which was an excellent hurt!Sam fic community. truly where I cut my whump teeth

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): this question is so apropos for this fandom sldkfjsdlkfj like. character actually went to superhell. oopsy daisy

I feel like I have fewer characters in Supernatural that I, like, really don't like and more characters that just bug the shit out of me, so I'll go with one of those and say Gabriel. really enjoyed Mystery Spot as an episode - one of my all time favorites and also thanks for introducing me to the concept of multiple character deaths as a trope, appreciate it - but then every time after that he showed up I was just like "why are you here, please leave"

[bi-bard]

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me - Sam Winchester Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Pairing: Sam Winchester X Reader

Song Drawn: peace

Word Count: 746 words

Warning(s): hallucinations, past trauma

Summary: (Season 7) Sam had been struggling since he had come back from the cage. As his condition worsens, (Y/n) tries everything to help him.

Author's Note: This is part of my folklore/evermore writing challenge! You can read about it by clicking here and read what I've written for it so far by clicking here!

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I walked down the stairs of Bobby's house slowly. It was late but I had woken up thirsty and finally convinced myself to go get some water. So, I carefully tried to avoid the squeakiest parts of Bobby's stairs as I walked toward the kitchen.

I was shocked to see Sam awake and sitting at the kitchen table. He looked like he was staring at something on the other side of the room.

"Sammy," I asked.

He looked up at me, shocked to see me too.

"You look awful," he said.

"Shut up, I just woke up," I replied. "And it's three in the morning."

He seemed surprised by that.

"You haven't been to bed, have you," I asked. He looked at the table. "Sam."

"I can't sleep," he explained. "I haven't been able to since... I got my soul back."

I didn't even think about it. Death said the wall in his mind was delicate. I should've thought that there's going to be something that snuck through the cracks.

"Is it nightmares," I asked. He shook his head. I pulled the other dining room table over to him.

I could tell he was uncomfortable. I carefully reached over and touched his hand. He finally made full eye contact with me. I gave him a gentle smile.

"What's going on in your head, Sammy," I mumbled.

I had seen the boys as part of my family forever. Sam and I have always had a different bond than Dean and me. I remember grieving for months after he was gone. I remember letting him stay in my room after his brother was dragged to hell... before he ran off with Ruby for a while.

Sam looked over my shoulder for a second too long. I looked over my shoulder. Nothing was there.

"Sam," I said, now nervous. "What is it?"

"It's... Lucifer," he closed his eyes. He seemed embarrassed. "I've been seeing him since I got my soul back."

"He's tormenting you," I added. Sam nodded at me. I held onto his hand tighter. "Is there anything I can do?"

"I... I don't know," he said.

I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. A silent form of comfort. I bit my lip for a moment.

"Do you remember the first time we stayed at Bobby's at the same time," I asked. I could tell that Sam was confused, even though he wasn't looking at me. "I was coming down the stairs as you guys showed up. I tripped down the stairs and almost knocked Bobby over."

I felt Sam's shoulders shake as he chuckled.

"Or when I got mad at Dean and tried to punch him," I continued. "You tried to grab my hand but you couldn't stop me so I ended up making you hit him."

"Thank god I was only like 14," Sam added, now laughing genuinely.

I continued telling stories, keeping his mind off of the vision in the corner. I couldn't save him completely, but if I could take some of the weight off of his shoulders, I would be okay with that.

"(Y/n)," Sam said softly after our latest fit of muffled laughter had died down. I hummed.

He turned his body so he could actually look at me. I just grinned at him. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips against me. In complete shock, I pulled back slightly.

"Crap," Sam mumbled. "I'm sorry... I thought-"

After I recovered from the shock, I leaned in and kissed him again. I let my hand creep up into his hair. The kiss was pretty short but it was more intense than anything I had ever experienced. It felt like everything around us heated up.

We both just kind of looked at each other.

I slowly rested on his shoulder again with a smile, "That was... really nice."

"Yeah," Sam mumbled.

"Are you tired yet," I asked.

"I don't think I've ever been so awake," he chuckled.

We fell into a comfortable silence after that. I tried to keep an eye on his behavior just in case Lucifer popped back up. We ended up creating a quiet and understanding place. The past and the fears of the future were shrugged off, saved for another time as Sam and I relished in our forever changed situation.

It was as close to perfect as we were ever going to find... at least that's what we both believed at the time.

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[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[ambersock]

On the Edge of Forever

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Lucifer (Cassifer)

Summary: Sam has a plan to deal with the Darkness. Dean is definitely not going to like it.

Word Count: 4095

Warnings: Angst, Minor Sam Whump, Swearing, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues

A/N: Takes place in Season 11, after 11.10 The Devil in the Details. More notes at the end.

Now: Dean

Baby’s tires squeal in protest as Dean uses up a month of tread taking yet another turn too fast, her back-end fishtailing with only intermittent traction keeping her from spinning out. He’ll apologize to her later. Dean slams the accelerator down as he exits the curve and hits 90 on a straight section of the backwoods road on the outskirts of a town probably called Where The Fuck Are We We’re Lost. He starts to recognize landmarks from the last time he was here almost three years ago; he’s close. Not close enough.

He hurtles towards his destination, praying to who the hell knows what (because, really, there’s nothing out there that gives a shit, is there?), that he makes it in time to stop his idiot brother from doing an idiotic thing. Because he idiotically let his brother go to talk to fucking Lucifer, and of course Lucifer got inside his head. And here he is again, wracking his brain to figure out what the hell he can possibly say to convince Sam to abandon his insane plan.

Five days ago: Sam

Ever since the train wreck that was supposed to be a “safe” visit to the Cage to ask for Lucifer’s help against the Darkness, Sam has been replaying the Lucifer-guided tour of his worst fuck ups over and over on an endless loop, hoping that repetition and whiskey will numb him just a little more each time. For the hundredth time Sam curses his hubris, thinking he would even register on God’s radar, let alone that He would answer his prayers and send him visions. For the hundredth time he curses himself for being so naïve that he never suspected that the visions were just a lure from Lucifer to reel him in, break him down, and use him as a ride out of the Cage. And he hates himself for how close he had come to caving in. More than once.

On his third shot of whiskey and his umpteenth rerun through his trail of regrets, it hits Sam: within the chain of events of disaster begetting calamity begetting catastrophe, there is one moment in time where it could have easily all fallen apart. One small delay, one broken link, would cause a cascade failure and drastically alter everything that came after. He can’t help fantasizing, over and over, about all of the different little things could have happened that would have changed the entire outcome. If only.

On his fourth shot of whiskey, Sam remembers the sigil that allowed Henry Winchester to travel through time, and he huffs out a laugh.

On his fifth shot of whiskey, Sam staggers to the archive room and starts pulling books.

******

Sam continues to stare at the passages describing the Enochian time travel spell. The task he’s set himself is a flame that has both sustained him and consumed him for days on end. There’s a tree’s worth of paper covered in notes scattered across every horizontal surface, held down by mostly empty coffee mugs distributed randomly around the cramped space. His eyes are dry and red, an eyestrain headache thrums in the back of his skull, and his back is aching from being hunched over musty tomes for hours at a time attempting to deconstruct and reverse engineer the spell, to adapt it to his specific purpose. He’s not sure when he slept last, and Dean has started to give him those sideways I-know-something’s-eating-you looks which means he’s got limited time before Dean drags him out of the bunker “for his own good”. Sam forces himself to clear his mind of everything except the patterns of Enochian writing in front of him. He’s close, he thinks he’s found the right figures, he just needs to understand how to combine them with the original blood sigil. As Dean would say, he’s on the one-yard line and it’s time to push through it.

Hours later something finally clicks like a circuit closing in his brain, and suddenly the pattern of the lesser symbols within the larger whole makes sense to Sam. The solution is simple and elegant, and it’s so obvious to him now that he can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner. He adds the figures to a drawing of the original blood sigil and he knows, just knows, that this is going to work. He allows himself to luxuriate in the endorphin rush that accompanies success, the feeling that he’s about to score a win. For the first time since he threw himself into the Cage, he feels like he’s finally doing something right.

The only problem now is finding the right way to tell Dean. He’s going to need some time and distance, a head-start to get out in front of Dean’s inevitable knee-jerk reaction, because Dean is definitely not going to like this. Even if it was his idea.

Yesterday: Lucifer-wearing-Castiel

It was a stroke of luck, really, that Lucifer landed Castiel as a vessel instead of Sam as he had originally intended. Dean might have caught on to Lucifer-wearing-Sam, but it was just too easy to pass himself off as the besotted pet angel when Dean had caught him tearing through the records. A contrite little “I’m sorry Dean” coupled with a soulful look and Dean was sold. It is surprisingly so much easier to masquerade as someone else topside than it ever was in the Cage. He never could fully convince Sam that it was Dean who was carving out his organs.

Fun aside, there is now a possible monkey wrench in Lucifer’s carefully laid and, so far successful, bid for freedom. He stares at the disarray of notes decorated with Enochian symbols strewn all over the small bunker storage room by his erstwhile vessel, and can’t dismiss the growing possibility that everything is about to unravel.

“Oh Sammy-boy, what are you up to?”

His vessel has been mucking around with a time-travel sigil, and it seems like he’s pretty far along. Logically, Sam would be looking to prevent the release of the Darkness, which also certainly means undoing the events leading to the damage to the Cage that allowed Lucifer to escape. There are two lessons he files away for later: one, never speak Enochian in front of a chew toy; two, sending Sam Winchester on a guilt trip tends only results in a manic attempt on his part to fix things, which is exactly how Lucifer ended up back in the Cage the second time. He takes a moment to appreciate the irony of how tormenting Sam with his past regrets might now colossally backfire on him. He questions whether it was really worth it just to see Sam squirm like that once again, but then he can’t keep a smile of contentment from spreading across his face.

Yes, yes it was. Definitely worth it.

So now to the problem at hand: Lucifer-wearing-Castiel has other important, and definitely more amusing, things he needs to attend to, such as feeding Crowley his own intestines. But this potential threat to his plans is not something he can abide. He mulls over the merits of just disintegrating Sam—not very satisfying, but efficient—when he feels a tickle from a small, dark corner of his consciousness. He sighs in irritation.

“What do you want, Castiel?”

I believe I can help.

“Yeah, not really buying that.”

Give me five minutes, and I promise that Sam will no longer be of concern.

Lucifer is loath to cede control, but at the same time his curiosity is piqued. He can always return to Plan Disintegrate later. Or maybe he’ll think of something more entertaining while he’s waiting.

“Five minutes.”

Castiel takes out his phone and picks Dean out of his contacts. As Dean picks up, Castiel reaches for the page holding the altered blood sigil.

“Dean… I’m afraid your brother is planning to do something very foolish…”

Earlier: Dean

“You’re going to what?”

“I’m going to fix this. Fix the Darkness. I figured out a way to take Abaddon off the board in the past. No Abaddon, no Mark of Cain. No Mark, the Darkness stays locked up. Kevin lives. Charlie lives. It’s a no-brainer.”

Dean is standing in the room where Sam had been doing his clandestine research, now devoid of the notes that Castiel had described. After 17 frantic, unanswered calls to Sam, who had gone missing all night, Sam has finally called back and Dean knows that something’s seriously off. He sounds eerily upbeat, which immediately sets off Dean’s alarm bells given how shaken and preoccupied he had been after coming back from the near-disastrous visit to the virtual Cage. Whatever Sam’s planning, Dean is pretty sure he’s not going to like it, and Sam’s not exactly forthcoming with details. Either Dean needs to get Sam to spill, or he at least needs to get a trace on his phone and figure out where he is.

“Aren’t you the one who always says not to screw with time? Mothra Effect, or whatever? And if you go back and meet yourself, won’t the universe, like, explode or something?”

“Butterfly Effect. And I’m not going back, I’m sending something back. Seriously, Dean, do you really think I can possibly screw up the time line any worse than The End of Everything?”

Dean doesn’t have a good response to that, so he switches the topic to keep Sam talking. “So how, exactly, are you gonna take Abaddon out without the Mark and the First Blade? You planning to send her one of your documentary podcasts and bore her to death?”

There’s a huff of exasperation on the other end and Dean swears he can hear Sam roll his eyes. “Hilarious. Look, I’ve found another way.”

“Then tell me where you are and I’ll come help.”

Silence.

Then, “Don’t worry Dean, I’ve got this. It’s an easy spell. You should keep researching the Darkness in case this doesn’t work.”

Sam being evasive confirms that Dean has good reason to be suspicious about this plan, but the trace is still going and Dean plays for more time.

“Don’t worry? Might as well tell me not to breathe. Let me guess: you’re sending a bomb back to blow Abaddon to fucking bits so we can’t sew her head back on.”

“…Huh. Interesting idea, but there’s too much risk that I’d end up blowing up one of us. Anyway, it’s a blood spell. Whatever goes back has to be infused with DNA so that it can latch onto the same DNA. I’m just sending some cloth back. Like I said, it’s simple.”

Dean gives in to his growing irritation at Sam’s caginess and decides to go for the direct assault.

“Sam. What aren’t you telling me?” Dean already has his suspicions of what Sam isn’t telling him; there’s only one way he can think of that takes Abaddon out of play and saves Kevin. He’s hoping he’s wrong. He’s also dying to know how time travelling cloth comes into this.

“Don’t get mad.”

“Sam.”

“Look, just promise you’ll hear me out, okay?”

“SAM.”

Dean can hear Sam take a breath, like he’s getting ready to plunge into deep water. “…I’m going to make sure I finish the third Trial.”

There it is. Damn it.

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE.”

Click.

Sam disconnects before the trace finishes, but Dean doesn’t need the trace to know where to find him. He hauls ass to the garage where the Impala is waiting.

Now: Dean

Dean stands on the brake and Baby skids to a halt next to the car Sam had appropriated, sitting in front of the old, decrepit church. It’s exactly as he remembered it last, like it’s been frozen in time waiting for their return. Overgrown bushes still cling to the rotting siding, and stained glass still litters the ground from the blown-out side window. The only thing missing is the shower of angelic fireballs cascading toward the earth with Sam dying by his side, an image that perversely reminds him of watching fireworks in a field with next to his little brother.

The last time they were here, Sam was half out of his mind with fever and remorse, and Dean’s desperate I’m-Your-Big-Brother-You-Have-To-Do-What-I-Say tone had actually, thankfully, gotten through to him and Sam had backed down. He can’t believe that he has to talk Sam down from the same fucking ledge again, only it’s worse this time because Sam is laser focused on his mission to fix the problem. This time, emotional pleas and yelling and demanding aren’t going to work. This time, so help him, the only way Dean will be able to talk Sam out of this will be to throw logic at him.

Dean launches himself out of the Impala and bursts through the doors of the church to see Sam sitting, chin in hand, in the chair that once held a nearly human King of Hell. A crimson stain is spreading on a strip of cloth that he’s holding to his arm, and there is a bowl of already-mixed spell ingredients on the floor in front of him. Sam has clearly been waiting for Dean.

“Well, that was quick.”

Dean, bent over huffing, heart still pounding from breakneck drive here, is seriously tempted to punch Sam.

Before Dean can take a deep enough breath to start in on forcefully explaining to Sam how idiotic this is, Sam launches into his sales pitch. “Look Dean, I know what you’re going to say, but just listen. I’m not throwing my life away on some impulsive, reckless act. I need you to understand that, that’s why I waited for you. I’ve had days to think this through. This endless cycle of crossing lines we’ve got no business crossing, of throwing away the world to save each other, this is where it all started, and I can stop it before it starts.”

“Damn it Sam, are you even capable of coming up with a plan where you don’t die? Closing up Hell wasn’t worth your life then, and it’s not worth it now—”

“Isn’t it though? I mean, my insides were going to be deep fried whether or not I finished it. You were right when you said you shouldn’t have pulled me back. Look at everything that came after—Kevin, you becoming a demon, and—and the things that I had to do to get you back, to remove the Mark… getting Charlie killed… and how many people died when the Darkness infected that town? I mean, how can you tell me that saving all of them isn’t worth it?”

Dean feels a knot growing in his stomach because he knows damned well that it wasn’t Lucifer who got into Sam’s head. It was the Mark that told Sam that he should have been on the pyre instead of Charlie. It was the Mark that told Sam he should have died finishing the Trials. It was the Mark that told Sam that he was evil. It had said all of this to Sam for his crime of saving Dean from an eternity of suffering.

But it was Dean who never apologized, never tried to set things right.

They have both said and done abhorrent things to each other while under the control of some entity or force, and there has always been an unspoken understanding between them that they don’t take it personally. Mostly. Sometimes. Okay, Dean usually gets mad, leaving Sam to trail after him afterwards apologizing profusely. But Sam always brushes these incidents aside and moves on without a word. Hell, the first thing Sam had done after the hammer episode was to go out and get Dean a double bacon cheeseburger with extra onions and three different pies.

But this… this has really gotten to Sam. He didn’t just dismiss it like he did when they were under the influence of the Siren. He buried it instead and let it set down roots and infest every corner of his brain. And when Sam gets like this—like after he set Lucifer free, like after he found out what he had done while he was soulless—he just can’t let it go until he does something to atone for it. This is ironically what Dean both most admires and most infuriates him about his little brother: his unwavering determination to make things right and his absolute faith in their ability to do so. More than once he has carried Dean along in his wake by sheer willpower when all Dean wanted to do is crawl into a bottle. But these crusades never end well for Sam, and the one thing that Dean will never be able to protect Sam from is himself.

Sam crosses over to the oversized wooden double doors at the entrance, already adorned with the augmented blood sigil. He winds the cloth through both handles and ties it securely as blood continues to ooze from the cut on his forearm. Dean gets what Sam is doing now. He’s using the spell to send the blood-infused cloth back in time, homing in on his own blood in the past, to hold the doors shut back then. Dean had barely gotten to Sam in time to stop him from curing Crowley, and if it had taken him just a few more seconds to push through the door it would have been over. Will have been over.

“Kah-nee-lah. Poo-goh.”

The sigil on the door starts to glow dimly, and the reality that This Is Happening hits Dean like cold water in the face. He had every intention of trying to talk Sam out of this with a reasonable, adult discussion, because he knows damned well that Sam doesn’t respond to orders being yelled at him. It all flies out the window at that moment and he’s barking at Sam like a drill sergeant, because if he doesn’t, he’d be breaking down instead. He grabs Sam’s arm and spins him around.

“What the hell, Sam? You know that nothing I said while I had that thing on my arm counts. You can’t seriously believe that I meant any of—”

Sam cuts him off, his gaze intense, his voice fervent. “It’s true, Dean, what you said. Mark or not, it’s the truth. I chose to cross those lines; I chose to let the Darkness out. You told me not to, and I did it anyway. So this is me stepping up and taking responsibility. If I’ve got a chance to undo all of this, I have to take it. And right now, it’s the only play we’ve got.”

Angry words propelled by desperation shoot out of Dean before he can stop them. “Yeah, that’s exactly what you said about your visions of the Cage, and how did that work out for you?”

Sam visibly flinches and pulls away from Dean as his expression hardens. “Kah-nee-lah. Poo-goh.”

The sigil blazes.

This is not at all what Dean intended. He came here to talk Sam back from the edge, and instead he’s pushing him toward it. Dean swallows his anger and it tastes like acid going down, and all that remains is panic.

“Sam, just stop. I don’t care what came out of my mouth when I had the Mark, it’s all bullshit. Sam, you don’t need to do this—”

“Yeah, Dean, I really do. I wasn’t strong enough to make the right choice then, but I can do it now.”

Dean flounders for whatever magic words he needs to get through to Sam and comes up empty. He does the only thing he can think of to shock some sense into him or, preferably, to knock him cold so that he shuts the fuck up and can’t finish the spell. Dean’s fist connects with Sam’s jaw, propelling him backwards. Sam goes down, sprawling on the floor, but he’s not out. He sits up, hand to jaw, and Dean expects to see shock or anger on Sam's face, but all he sees is compassion. And Dean knows that he’s lost.

“Sammy, don’t—"

“Kah-nee-lah. Poo-goh.”

A blinding light envelops the cloth holding the doors shut.

Yesterday: Lucifer-wearing-Castiel

Castiel ends the call after warning Dean about Sam’s intentions. He takes a marker to one of the added symbols and alters it slightly. He freezes as Lucifer gets back in the driver’s seat.

Lucifer asks suspiciously, “And what exactly are you doing with this, Castiel?”

I’m just disrupting the sigil. The change I made will prevent the spell from accounting for the current position of the Earth relative to its position within the—

“Summarize, Poindexter.”

With the change I’ve made, whatever object Sam is sending back will end up in space. Sam will think that his alteration failed, and he won’t interfere with your plans. You would know if I was lying.

“So… I’m trying to understand this. You’re helping me by sabotaging Sam’s work… why, exactly?”

To eliminate your motivation to kill my friend.

Lucifer considers Castiel’s response. “Huh. We’ll see.”

I can still expel you.

“Now Castiel, we both know that’s an empty threat.”

Castiel is silent for a moment. Then:

It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world—

“Alright, alright. Just kidding. Grow a sense of humor.”

Now: Dean

The cloth binding the door handles is gone, but as far as Dean can tell, nothing else has changed. Sam is still on the floor, a stunned expression on his face that would be comical under any other circumstances, and all Dean can think is thank fucking God, and he starts to wonder if maybe there isn’t something out there intervening on his behalf after all.

“I don’t… it should have… it didn’t work.” Sam looks around in dazed confusion for a moment before pushing himself to his knees, and he looks up at Dean, eyes filled with defeat. Dean can’t stop the memory from superimposing itself in his mind of Sam kneeling in front of him, resigned in his acceptance of Dean’s judgment of him, waiting for the scythe to swing.

“I’m sorry...” Sam apologizes for not being dead.

Dean thinks he’s going to be sick.

He drops to Sam’s level and doesn’t know whether to shake him or maybe hit him again. He pulls Sam to himself instead and holds onto him like he’s going to blink out of existence if he lets go. Sam doesn’t resist, but he doesn’t respond.

Dean knows that there is something that Sam needs to hear, something he should have said weeks ago. Dean hasn’t been able to tell him, because it’s selfish and the good guys aren’t supposed to be selfish. The good guys are supposed to put the rest of the world first, and happily throw themselves into oblivion for “the greater good”. He keeps his grip on Sam because he doesn’t want to see Sam’s reaction to what he’s about to say; he’s not sure what Sam will think of him afterwards.

“What you said… after you risked the world for me, when you said that you’d do it again in a second…”

Sam tenses in his arms, and Dean takes a breath.

“Sammy, that wasn’t evil. That was the best fucking moment of my life.”

The statement hangs there for a few heartbeats. Then Sam relaxes, lets his chin drop to Dean’s shoulder, and tentatively folds his arms around him. Dean feels him starting to shake.

“I wanted to—I couldn’t save them.” Sam’s words fall out of him between hitched breaths.

“I know Sammy.”

“It should have been me up there instead of—”

“Don’t.”

All of the mourning that Dean hadn’t allowed Sam to express as they watched Charlie’s body burn, all of the grief that Sam has held bottled up ever since pours out of him then, and Sam clings to Dean like a drowning man to a life preserver. He doesn’t know how long they stay there. His knees are aching and his legs are falling asleep but he doesn’t care because Sam is still here and he’s alive. He waits until the tremors slow and finally stop, then slowly pulls back.

“Hey, you don’t get to put this all on yourself. I’m the one who took the Mark without reading the warning label. We’re in this together. We’ll figure this out, both of us.”

Sam just nods numbly.

“Now let’s get out of here before we hit menopause.”

Sam rewards Dean with an expelled almost-laugh and a flicker of an almost-smile, and Dean chooses to count that as a win.

~~~~~~~~~~

More Notes:

I have this nagging need to address all of the drama from 10.23 Brother's Keeper that the writers just decided to drop on the floor.

The title is named after the ST:TOS The City on the Edge of Forever. The theme of the story, at least from the original script, is that it is possible to love someone so much that you would throw away your whole universe for them. I can't help but notice the parallel to SPN.

This is exactly what Dean wants from Sam throughout seasons 8 and 9, and when Sam does it in season 10, Dean calls him evil for it. Sam just can't fucking win.

[watchingspnagain]

Meet Mace

Hi, I'm Mace, and this is my Intro Post. Ab Spectando Condito and all that. (I sometimes channel Livy when I'm nervous, don't be alarmed.) And I'm nervous because my memory is absolute crap so I can't actually remember all the details here, even though this all started only, like, two years ago. It's also hard to wrap my head around the idea of trying to describe this thing that Lor and I have started (created?) and how and why it has become so important. So, well, bear with me.

Okay, here goes: For years friends had been telling me that I *needed* to watch Supernatural; it was right up my street, they'd say. But I kept putting their recommendations aside, thinking that, sure, Dean from Gilmore Girls is in it and he's adorable, but that other guy looks like a frat boy cliché, and overall the show seemed like it was probably Buffy but with Dudes (and I LOVE Buffy and will brook no substitutions or messings-with The Buffy). Eventually I decided to give it a try anyway, a decision wholly based on how hilarious the memes were. Maybe the non-Dean guy (His name is Dean? *His* name is Dean? Wait, no, that's not...but why tho?) isn't so bad? The first attempt didn't go well: my husband, who is so very not interested in SPN, was away on a business trip and I waited until my then-10yo son was in bed, crawled into bed myself, and started the first episode. At night. Alone. I made it 10 minutes before actually saying out loud, "NOPE" and turning it off. Cripes, that first episode (and most of the first season, really) is actual, full-on scary! I mean, what. Why have Handsome Boys making Hilarious Quips on a show that I can't watch because I'm too scared?! Sort of rude, to be honest.

And that was it for, I think?, a couple of months or so. Then - and this is one of the places where my memory gets foggy (I tried three times to type that correctly and the first two came out as "goofy" and honestly yes that too) - the watching of SPN was mentioned on another site I spend much amounts of time on. I suspect Lor remembers the details much better than I do, but somehow we starting talking about how we both had been thinking about watching SPN for a long time, but hadn't actually done so because past attempts on both sides had resulted in fright and flight.

Now, Lor and I have been friends on that other site for several years, but never before really corresponded much outside of that site's chat-like forum section. I pretty much admired her from afar, as it were, and held her as a Fantasy BFF in my daydreams - she was (and still is to this very day) cool and *so* clever and smart and had (and still does to this very day) such a brilliant knack for turning a phrase and I admired (and still do to this very day) her wit and snark and general amazingness, but, again, mostly from afar. So when we somehow decided to try again with Supernatural, but this time together, I was ridiculously excited. I had no idea, though, just how life-changing that decision would be. We bonded, it seemed, almost instantly over our love (second time is the charming one, I guess?) of the show and over discovering how much we have in common with each other. It's comical, almost, just how alike we are in all kinds of areas: similar childhood experiences, nearly identical (like, eerily so sometimes) tastes and opinions on all manner of things, and we're essentially twins in our list of Things That Make Our Anxieties Spike.

We started off watching the episodes separately (I think I was a little ahead of her for a bit? Gah - stupid faulty memory) and then typing up our comments and emailing them to each other, then responding with comments on our comments. And it quickly became one of the highlights of my days, getting those emails, reading through her clever and hilarious remarks, feeling pure glee when we had almost exactly the same thoughts - sometimes even typing the exact same phrases, word for word. This, then, at some point, evolved into watching the episodes at the same time and live-texting each other, which means that now we very often are typing exactly the same reactions, word for word, and then geeking out at how SAME we are in real time. Of course we have differences, too, but even those seem to complement each other: she's the Hufflepuff to my Slytherin; she's a Dean girl and I'm a Sam girl (well, and also a Crowley girl - Sam girl in the streets and Crowley girl in the sheets?); she likes Wuthering Heights, which slightly baffles me but, okay, because we both agree that MacFadyen is the best Darcy.

We had big plans to have a meet-up to watch the series finale together. See, we've never actually met in person. We became friends online, then became closer friends through this mutual SPN watch, but that's also online. And so I've never been face-to-face with my best friend. Because the meet-up for the finale didn't happen, of course. Because Covid, of course. For both of us, anxiety added a special sauce of NOPE to leaving the house this last year and we've both, I think, been pretty much isolated, staying home and not having much interaction with others outside the other members of our households. Which means that our SPN watching and our growing friendship took on an even greater meaning and importance for me. I'm honestly not sure that I could have handled the massive stress and anxiety of this last year without Lor's friendship. It just feels...natural, at this point, that I spend my days texting her back and forth about all sorts of things, the small and mundane to the big and important. Lor has become a huge part of my life and if a full day were to pass by without talking to her, I'd feel that loss fairly keenly. On some level it seems pretty bizarre that I owe such a debt of gratitude for this amazing friendship to a TV show, but here we are. This show, its characters, and the actors and writers who have made them so outstanding and special? Well, I owe them all incalculable amounts of thanks.

Anyway. So.

We're now on our second go-round with our SPN watching (because I think neither of us can now even begin to fathom a life in which we're *not* watching this show together), and Lor, (hello - did I mention she's brilliant and amazing?) low-key drops the idea that we should be blogging our live-text conversations. We've talked before about really wanting to have a record of *waves hands around* all this, and a blog seems like a great way to do that, regardless of whether anyone else ever reads it. I'm content for it to be an open and ongoing love letter to Supernatural and to our friendship, even if it remains a largely unread one.

And finally, here are a few Thing You Should Maybe Know About Me:

I'm a farmer's daughter with a PhD in Classics, a one-time professor, turned stay-at-home mom, turned part-time librarian, turned Classics prof. again, living in the Midwest with my husband, 12-going-on-80yo son, and a goofball of a golden retriever.

I love reading as much as I hate housecleaning, and I'll read pretty much anything unless the dog dies or the child gets hurt.

I also really like knitting and sewing and one of my very favorite things is to make ridiculously-tailored Halloween costumes for my son (thank the gods he's totally into it, too). I missed my calling to be a cosplay designer. Maybe in retirement...

I fall in love easily and fast and hard for fictional characters, especially the ones that are 1) evil and/or generally villainous, 2) tormented, 3) super smart and/or skilled, 4) filthy rich, 5) completely unattainable, and if they're all of the above, Holy. Damn.

[crazycoke-addict]

The Idealism and Reality of Mary Winchester

Mary Winchester is a fictional character from the tv series Supernatural. She’s the wife of John Winchester and the mother of the two main protagonists, Sam and Dean Winchester. In the first episode, Mary is murdered by the yellow eyed demon in Sam’s nursery which kick starts off the whole series. Despite being absent due to her death, Mary will plays a major role in the boy’s life and appears a few times as a spirit, a young Mary when Dean and later on Sam timetravels, an illusion and a person that Eve shapeshifts. However, Mary doesn’t make her full on experience since Season 1 until the end of Season 11. She was gift to dean given by Amara for helping be in peace with her brother Chuck (God). When Mary return and the decisions that the writers made on her character, the feedback wasn’t positive. The fans started to hate the character and even went as far too say she wasn’t a good mother. However I myself have a different opinion because I don’t hate Mary Winchester and Looking back, I quite enjoy this complicated character rather than the character the ideal version that they given us.

Before Mary return in the show, she was mentioned as a kind and nurturing mother. Mary’s role was seen as housewife and stay at home mom. Despite the fact that she died when Dean was four, he was the lucky enough to actually know her because of this, Dean only remembers her as being a loving and caring mothers and as time went on he held on to this Mary because it’s Mary that he remembered before she died. We see this in Season 5 ‘Dark Side of The moon’ when the boys go through their memories and in one memory for Dean’s part was his mother taking care of him and this is after they found out she’s a hunter due to her wanting to have a normal life. When Mary return as gift to dean by Amara, she’s still the same Mary who wanted a normal life however this time, her sons have grown became the people that she didn’t want. Of course, she did go back into the hunting business but she felt like she needed to. Because she still hold onto that ideal life, Mary probably thought she was making the right choice by joining the British men of letters at first, she didn’t want to but when they persuade her by saying they can get rid of the monsters than that got her attention. Because she was holding onto the ideal life, she probably thought that If all monsters didn’t exist than her sons don’t have to hunt anymore they can have a normal life. It wasn’t until she was brainwashed by the British men of letters were Dean had to go into her mind to find out why she did what she thought was best. Dean got her to realise that the ideal life that she kept holding on to is too late and they can’t go back as being a normal family, when Dean was pouring out his feelings, I think this also made him realise that he needs to release the ideal mother that he put upon her and accept that she’s a complex woman.

I see Mary as selfless whose trying to do what she believe is right but it also can become controversial. This being when her sons came to rescue and because she got to know the people and the fact that they are in apocalyptic, she believe that she should stay and the boys can go back along with Jack. I think in her mind, she thought that a Winchester should be in a world where they can protect it. So, Sam and Dean can go back to their world and protect it because everyone needs a Winchester with them. However that isn’t the case for Dean’s part, when Mary got herself into the crack with lucifer, Dean believe that she died and lost hope. Until it was realise that she was still alive, him and Sam spent months trying to find a way to open the crack and bring her home, now that he found her, she doesn’t want to leave. This was the part were Sam had to step in to be the peacekeeper and suggest that they should bring the people to their world. The world that lived was far worse than their world and Sam’s goal was to make both of them happy. Mary’s actions is seen as selfish from her keeping secrets from her sons to the choices she has made. But it doesn’t contrast her to Sam and Dean who have done similar things. Maybe it’s because they do it for the sake of the family even though one of them aren’t on board. The episode that pops is the first episode of season 9, when Sam hospitalised since the trials took a toll on him. Sam felt like it’s was his time but Dean can’t let him go, so what does he do? He has an angel to get Sam to say Yes, but without Sam knowing that an angel lives inside him.

Like Mary, they too have also team up with the enemy. How many times has the brothers teamed up with Crowley and than Crowley chose to betrayed them at the last minute? Too many times. Is it because we got to know Crowley a bit more and we love the character due to how sarcastic and charisma he can be unlike The British men of letters. However when it comes to the British men of letters, it seems like not all of them are hated. People grown to love Mitch until he died and I’m pretty there are fans out there who actually like Ketch. The boys were upset with Mary for deciding to team up with BMOL because they kidnapped and tortured Sam which is understandable, but back in season 9, when Kevin Tran finds out that the boys were hiding Crowley, the demon who tormented and tortured him and even believe at that time killed his mother and was upset that the Winchesters would let him live or even team up with him. Is it because Sam and Dean are the main protagonist than when they have flaws it’s understandable or they are doing for the greater good. But for Mary however isn’t allowed to have flaws or isn’t listen to bad choices because she’s supposed to be the perfect one.

[katsidhe]

7.15 Thoughts

Every time I watch 7.15, I find myself appreciating it more. 7.15 is likely my very favorite non-headliner SPN episode: it’s got great outside POV, legitimately disturbing imagery, a well-executed plot twist, and, oh yeah, Hallucifer. (Oh my god I love season 7.)

First of all, I can’t think of an episode that does a better job of interrogating the way that Sam and Dean knowingly and willingly cause severe collateral damage--especially collateral damage that’s habitual, to nameless characters, in a manner so routine that it’s offscreen. Despite knowing what Jeffrey turns out to be, I ache for him, because the story he tells—of knowing the Winchesters shattered him, and yet knowing that he owed them his life—is still undeniably true for so many other, unnamed characters.  “And we’re the good guys,” Dean says.

Sam points out that if the demon truly has returned, then their business here is unfinished. However, Jeffrey’s fate, despite their treatment of him, does not count as their responsibility; checking up on him isn’t even their idea—it’s Nora’s suggestion. 

Sam and Dean do not ask for Jeffrey’s consent to be tortured. Instead, they inform him what they’re going to do, and why, and they luck out that he doesn’t beg them to stop. No actual choice involved—they know it, and Jeffrey knows it. Dean is straightforward and grim. Sam is quiet, non-confrontational, and compassionate... but above all pragmatic.

Despite Jeffrey’s clearly fanatical love for his demon and professed innate violent fantasies, this time I found myself wondering more about what he was truly like pre-possession. His demon tells him, “We don't do ‘no.’ Remember, Jeffrey?”, a line which surely doesn’t imply that Jeffrey was always so willing. (Post-s14, he reminds me of Nick, another vessel whose catalyst for violence was his inability to cope with the ruins of his life and his psyche post-possession, but who clearly didn’t start out a serial killer.)

Sam, like Nick, like Jeffrey, knows about what it’s like to try to deal with separating the pieces of himself from the being that possessed him. It’s so telling that the chosen foil in an episode where Sam loses important ground in this struggle is “a guy who went insane and became a serial killer post-possession.” Heh. And like Nick and Jeffrey, the theme in 7.15 is Sam “wanting” his possessor back--that is, finding himself unable to ignore and repress the way that that trauma has changed him. Jeffrey and Sam are both, in a sense, continuing the work their possessor started—Jeffrey with the literal to-do list of murders, and Sam simply by tormenting himself. 

This episode (and s7 in general) has a lot of discussion of mental illness, a lot of which comes from Dean in particular categorizing people as “balls to the wall crazy” and “not”. Sam, for his part, also can’t seem to keep himself from lumping himself in with Jeffrey as just another “psychopath” pretending he’s not a danger to himself and others. And yet. Despite the fact that Jeffrey is in fact a sociopathic murderer, his time in group therapy and indeed his struggle in general are not played for laughs. Support and therapeutic intervention were a good thing for Jeffrey (and hey, Sam’s help in s14 saved Nick’s life, ahahaha), which is a delightful tragic irony. 

Okay, let’s finally talk about the hallucinations!! (Goddddd I love s7, have I mentioned that?). 

We get to see the type of thing Sam’s been dealing with all season, for months. Sam’s hallucinations are sometimes petty, annoying, and relatively innocuous despite their intrusiveness—and then abruptly they’re extremely disturbing and violent, to the point where Sam can barely control his reactions. And then Sam has to reel himself back in and tell himself nothing is amiss. It’s a constant struggle. It’s horrifying and exhausting just to watch. 

Everything Hallucifer says? Sam’s thoughts, Sam’s subconscious. Sam’s unkind impulses, Sam’s memories, Sam’s pattern matching, Sam’s ruthlessness, Sam’s exasperation, Sam’s dark humor, Sam’s mechanisms for distancing and compartmentalizing, Sam’s flashbacks of, and knowledge of his capacity for, violence. It’s Sam remembering Sutton’s name. It’s Sam making wordplay jokes about rape. It’s Sam’s intrusive urge to hit Nora and threaten to torture her. It’s a lot of things that Sam’s put under one umbrella--and some of the uglier things are maybe a bit more palatable for Sam to deal with coming from the mouth of the worst evil he knows. 

The mental leaps Hallucifer’s making for Sam are... nooot really leaps, honestly. They’re connections Sam should be able to make without much thought; they’re patterns he’s in a habit of noticing. I love what this says about how enmeshed Sam’s trauma is in how he functions at a basic level, how he needs to interrogate this part of his brain in order to access so much knowledge and skill. 

Sam is, in effect, holding his own thoughts ransom from himself. It’s a terrifying illustration of how Sam is, at this point, fundamentally unable to function as Sam without the cooperation of this horribly damaged and destructive part of himself. 

Okay, but how casual his conversation with Hallucifer is, when Sam finally lets it happen! How it’s nothing, how it’s so habitual and ordinary. How Sam’s fear is just as casual and omnipresent as anything else, but he can function through it because he has to, what else is he gonna do. 

And of course, the ending—the collapse. Sam’s hallucination has been egging him on to engage and “let me in,” a suggestive and long familiar theme of coerced consent. Eventually Sam does, because it is no longer sustainable or possible to ignore this piece of himself any longer. And his brain will make him suffer for it, but—true to form for both Lucifer and Sam—Hallucifer is careful to emphasize that this was Sam’s choice, Sam’s fault, Sam who made the bed that he will burn in. 

[khaoticallykat]

◇The Prince and The Punk◇

Paring: College AU!Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Summary: You and Ransom never seen eye to eye, during one class in high school you let him know how you really feel and from there it was pranks and bullying all on you. Until you finally went to college, forgetting all about Ransom until you happen to encounter him again, this time at his grandfather's, the famous novelist, Harlan Thrombey. With a research paper that needs to be done to make the grade, are you gonna put up with Ransom's shit?

Warnings: language, bullying.

Word count: 1.7k

A/N: omgggg this is my first time actually formatting a story for Tumblr and I just hope y'all like it. There's gonna be smut but that's wayyy later and maybe in a mini chapter. Thanks for reading 💖

Chapter 1. The Writing Writer

~Flashback~

You drummed your finger along the desk, pissed off and annoyed as you watch Ransom Drysdale, yes, him. The richest kid in school and the biggest piece of shit you've ever laid your eyes on. He was actually an alright guy, for the most part, but you you see beyond his pretty blonde hair, blue eyes and fake smile. He was made to look like an angel, one of those sculptures you see in Italy. He was flirting with your friend as all three of you sat at a table in science class, he has a girlfriend but almost every girl he flirted with, including you, but you harshly turned that off. 

"Aw come on Lexi, you're so smart, just help me out?" He blinked his ocean blue eyes at her, she giggled and smiled, about to slide her paper over to him until you grabbed her hand.

"Lexi, don't you think Ransom should have been paying attention to the lesson rather than making goo goo eyes at you?" You asked, gritting your teeth.

"Aw Y/n, I can help him out, it's no big deal." She smiled, you loved her, you really did but even she was falling into the spell of Ransom.

"Yeah Y/n. She doesn't mind, but yet," he looked over at you, it sparked more a hatred in you, "yet you, seem to really mind me? What is it? You like me don't you? Want me all to yourself?" 

You sighed, giving him a deadpan expression, "I rather eat razors and then shit them out, you're shitty and annoying and a fake." His smile dropped, Lexi covered her mouth, either in shock or to stifle a laugh. "You act like you're such a king here, having everyone bend to your whim but who are you really? You're a trust fund playboy and I really hope you don't breed, we already have enough shitheads like you in the world."

Everyone in the room was looking at you, clearly you weren't aware of your tone, even the teacher looked shocked.

But Ransom, deep down he should have hated you, but instead, he laughed. He laughed so loud and hard that his was was beet red and tears came down. 

"Wow," he chuckled, catching his breath, "fuck you." 

From then senior year was filled with Ransom knocking books out of your hand, spilling various liquids on you, thankfully it was tea, water or coffee, he even went as far as cling wrapping your car before homecoming started. You paid him no mind though, you were really good at that, ignoring him and going on about your day, your mom always said that children act out when they want attention and that was one thing you would never give him.  He noticed just how much you really didn't care for him, it made him angry, he spent almost every day finding something to inconvenience you and you just brushed him off like dust. 

He cornered you in a back room in the photo lab one day after school, you were cleaning up and helping out when the Jock pushed you in a closet, closing the door behind him. 

"Oh great. My favorite person." You rolled your eyes, "get out of my way, I have stuff to do."

"You're not going anywhere," He growled, he smelled of sweat and dirt, he must have came from training. "You and I need to talk."

You sighed, shifting in the tight space that Ransom took up, "well I'm listening, but hurry up you stink." 

"You're really good at ignoring me, just wondering how and why?"

"You mean how haven't I giving in to your antics? Because you're a child, you act like one and I don't pay attention to boys that act like children," You heard him punch the wall next to you, "just let it go Hugh, sometimes you can't get all the girls to suck you off." 

You smirked and ducked under his arm, opening the closet door to see Ransom's two friends, Sam and James sitting on the desk across from the closet. They made eye contact with and quickly looked away, it was clear that they were uncomfortable with the situation. You packed your bag and left, leaving Ransom in the closet to deal with the fact that you just called him by his first name. 

"You alright in there man? What'd she do, spit on ya?" James called from the desk.

Sam got up and dragged him out, "come on, don't let some chick ruin the rest of your senior year, after this, we got college girls to look at."

"You're right," Ransom laughed, "I can't fucking wait." 

~Present~

After high school, you never saw Ransom, he was basically out of sight, out of mind. College was rolling around and you picked your major of psychology, you were lucky that the town had a college and it was easy to get into. You spent your first few months taking the classes required and studying, your teacher reminded you that the final paper was due months from now, to write a report on a literary author of the time. They assigned everyone an author, when your name came up, you got the author, Harlan Thrombey. The last name rung a bell in your head, but you couldn't tell why. Leaving class you notice many people were in the college colors. Right, football season. You saw some sororities gathered in the parking lot cheering, you didn't want to be part of any of them. You were almost to your car when you remembered why the last name Thrombey sounded so familiar. 

Ransom Drysdale was on the back of a pickup cheering and laughing with other guys in their football jerseys, he soon forgot about you after high school. But through his dark, gold rim glasses, he saw you, the same as ever, he was really shocked to see that you even stayed in town, you were really smart, not that he would admit it. Stepping off the back of the pick up, he made his way towards you, you were walking at a fast pace, trying to get to your car before he could catch up and torment you. Ransom saw you get in your little grey Volkswagen and slam the door, locking it behind you. The engine stalled a few times before it finally came to life. Ransom was just getting to your car when you quickly pulled out, almost hitting him. You paid no attention to the speed until you reached the first green light off campus. Taking a deep breath, you looked in your rear view and chuckled, it was childish, but you were glad to get away.

Thankfully it was Friday and you wouldn't see him until Monday, throwing your bag on the floor, you sat at your desk fuming. If all places, why does Ransom Drysdale have to be in the same college as you? You opened your laptop and began looking up Harlan Thrombey, he thankfully had an email, writing out who you were, the nature of your email and a few other things, you clicked the 'send' button and waited. 

Later that evening while you were reading, your phone pinged, showing you that there was an email from Harlan. He wrote back that he would be glad to have you over to study his work for your research paper and asked if you could come over Saturday. Doing a small dance of happiness in your room, you replied that you'll be there at noon. 

The next morning you wore something that would look rather business casual, most of your clothing was on the darker side so it was easier to match items and stopped in town at the local donut shop before heading to Harlan's. Pulling up you saw a white BMW, the kind that was vintage, it probably ran better than your car double checking your bag once more for your notebook, tablet and charger, you locked your car and walked up to the brick manor. The place was absolutely gorgeous as you took a moment to wonder what the inside would look like. Suddenly two blurs came running up to you barking and sniffing, one was a black lab and the other a German shepherd. They both sat down and looked at the box of donuts you were carrying. 

"Sorry, I didn't get anything for you," you frowned, slowly backing towards the steps, "maybe next time." 

You rung the doorbell and waited, the dogs followed you and waited by you patiently with their tails wagging. A young woman opened the door, she looked about your age with dark brown hair and bright eyes, "you must be y/n," she smiled, the dogs rushing in almost knocking her over, "Harlan told me you were coming, I'm his nurse, Marta." She lead you into the house which wasn't bare in any area, there were decorations on covering the walls, either with paintings, books, it some strange artifacts. You followed her to the library where you saw Harlan, all grey hair but eyes were full of life. 

"Ah, you must be Y/n," he said, turning his attention away from a man that sat in a chair, facing away from you, "I was just talking to my grandson about you, how he should be doing his homework but instead, he's talking of football and girls." 

"It's nice to meet you mr. Thrombey," you smiled, walking over to him, "I brought donuts." 

The man in the chair stood up, "I know that voice," he turned around, same damn smirk on his face like it was permanent, "ah, of course it's you, my favorite person."

God damned Ransom Drysdale.

You looked like a deer in head lights, "what the hell are you doing here?" You asked, taking a step back.

"Visiting my grandpa?" He said, "bring those donuts over here, I'm starving." 

You thought it was a sick joke, but you can see it, the tiny resemblance between Ransom and Harlan. But here you are, trapped in a house with you high school bully. He made his way over to you and opened the box, he was still the same, no respect for personal space. 

"I saw you yesterday, but you left," he took one of the chocolate covered ones, "me and you got a lot of catching up to do." 

[holylulusworld]

Trust – Part 10

Summary: You trust Dean with your life, he doesn’t even trust you with his car. All choices in life have consequences - Deans have much worse...

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam Winchester, Jo Harvelle, Crowley, Castiel

Warnings: angst, comforting, fluff, a hint of making out, language and a flirty Dean, implied characters death

Set in Season 9 and 12. Jo and Ellen never died in Season 5.

Trust Masterlist

 Two days of non-stop research later you didn’t find anything. There were no hex bags in Jo’s room, no cursed objects or shady persons she met up with.

“Anything?” Groaning you get up to stretch your sore body, not missing the way Dean ogles your ass or the silent growl leaving his lips. “Dude, stop staring at my cute ass!”

“It’s mine. You gave it to me.” Pointing at the contract Dean always seems to carry in his pocket the hunter smirks. “I only want to make sure your ass is safe, Sweetheart. It would be a great loss to me.”

“Dean Winchester, can you not be a perv for a split-second?” Starting to laugh you sit onto the table slapping your palms onto the wood. “I mean – we try to find out if the chick drugging you to use your sexy body was influenced by the evil and you only can think about my ass.”

“As I said – it’s a nice ass, Sweetheart.” Playfulness in his tone Dean licks his lips as you crawl onto his lap. Legs placed on each side of his thighs you lean closer to bury your face into Dean’s neck. “Y/N?”

“Shh…let me think about a possibility to find out if I need to roast Jo’s ass or not. Let me focus.” Nibbling at Dean’s neck you sigh against his skin. Dean doesn’t know Castiel was able to suppress all the fake memories the demons planted into your mind.

“How do you feel?” Dean tries once again but you ignore his words, only snuggle closer into his warm chest. “Y/N…?”

“Let me…uh…” Gulping Dean tries to ignore his body reacts to your closeness. “I want to end this part of my life once for all. Therefore I need to handle the whole Jo situation too.” Dean’s hands wander to your ass, squeezing it tightly.

“I really like your ass…” Chuckling Dean let you bite his neck to leave a mark. “Like the rest too…”

“Maybe I like your ass too, even knowing you can be an ass sometimes. Now let me think…” Resting your head against Dean’s shoulder you close your eyes to recall the days before you got captured by the demons.

“Sammy is checking on Jo with Castiel, trying to find out if we can help her with the torn soul we put back into her body.” Dean waits for your reaction, but you can’t feel compassion for Jo.

“I tried to remember when Jo started being mean to me but honestly she was a bitch from the moment we met. I assume she didn’t like you dragged me around.” Dean squeezes your butt with one hand as the other fumbles his phone out of his pocket.

“Maybe she was jealous, knowing I have a thing for your cute ass and more…” Dean husks as you take his phone to look at the pictures he saved.

“You goddamn pervert took pictures while I was sleeping?” Scrolling through the pictures you gasp now and then. Dean even took a picture as you were stroking a dog or when you tried to fry a pancake and failed.

“I liked taking pictures of you. It was my way to have a piece of you. Helped me through the years you were missing, Y/N.” Dean licks his lips as you grab the hem of his shirt, forcing him to meet your eyes.

“Did you take one when I was naked too?” Searching Dean’s face, you chuckle as his cheeks heat up.

“I swear I would never cross that line without your consent. I’m a perv, not a goddamn bastard.” Muttering under his breath he tilts his head to stare at your breasts. “I have to admit I’d like to have one or two of your cute ass and more.”

“Careful now, Winchester…” Poking a finger into Dean’s chest you narrow your eyes. “I’ll let you take one of my cute ass if I get one of yours in return.” Bringing your flirting to a whole new level you lick your lips.

“Damn, get out of your clothes and we can…” Dean curses as Sam and Castiel enter the library right when you were ready to let him have a glimpse at your cleavage.

“Y/N…uh…” Scratching his chin Sam looks at you straddling his brother's lap as Dean looks at your breasts. “Did we interrupt anything?”

“Nah, Dean just showed me his collection of pictures of his favorite girl.” Giggling you tug the phone back into Dean’s pocket.

“Did he show you the one of her in the car wash too? He ran after his car. It was sad to watch, to say the least.” Bursting into laughter you press your face into Dean’s chest.

“He thought…oh…that’s good…”

“Dude, don’t tell her.” Giving his brother a bitch face Dean points a finger at Sam. “I want her to believe I’m tough and you just ruined my chances…”

“Cas, anything new?” Changing the topic, you glance at your friend, but he shakes his head, shrugging.

“Cas and I found a whole lot of nothing. Jo didn’t meet strange people or bought anything suspicious, but we already knew that. So far I can only tell she refuses to help us. Her soul got tormented…”

“I don’t know if there’s a way to help her at all. Even if Jo was influenced by an object, cursed or anything her soul will never be the same and we won’t let Castiel take her pain away as he did with me.” Dean exclaims.

Castiel silently nods, knowing none of you would ever ask him to do so.

“Maybe I can help to find out what happened to that lovely blonde chick.” Crowley snickers popping up next to you and Dean, still kinda tangled in each other. “I see Dean takes every opportunity to make use of the contract.” A smirk on his lips the king of hell pats Dean’s shoulder. “Good job, Dean. Don’t let her slip through your fingers once again.”

“What do you mean by helping us to find out what happened to Jo?” Sam still doesn’t trust Crowley, so he cocks a brow, searching the demons face.

“I will make a deal with one of you and reveal…” Crowley will never end that line as Dean just threw his shoe at him.

“No one will make a deal with you. Especially not Y/N! Her ass is mine.” Panting heavily Dean glares at Crowley, ready to attack him.

“Good god, Squirrel. I didn’t mean you shall sell your soul. I only want to make a special deal about not killing me.” Shrugging the king of hell places a contract onto the library table, smirking as Castiel eyes it suspiciously.

“I do not trust your contracts.” Dean curses, watching his brother pick the contract up.

“So, one of us signs this and agrees to not kill you and then you’ll help us with our problem? That’s low, even for you.” Sam is crumbling the contract, tossing it into Crowley’s face.

“Fine…” Sighing Crowley glances at the contract one last time. “I only wanted to get paid for my hard work. I’ll do it for free then - again if I may add.” Snapping his fingers, the king of hell disappears, leaving you and your friends stunned behind.

“I do not trust that little bastard one bit,” Dean mutters as you slap his shoulder.

“Says the man playing best buddy with the king of hell not that long ago.” Pursing your lips you poke one finger into Dean’s cheek but he won’t budge, only look up at you.

“I was a demon…”

“I was a demon too and didn’t play footsie with the king of hell, Winchester. You like that little bastard and we all know it.” Smirking you fist Dean’s hair, forcing him to meet your eyes once again. “Admit it and you can take those pictures.”

“Son of a bitch, I’ll admit anything if you let me…” Groaning Dean watches Crowley reappear, a frown on his face.

“Sorry, but nothing supernatural was influencing Jo Harvelle as far as I was able to find out. Mother checked on her too and found nothing. I think it has something to do with her crazy mind or something. We see us soon. Boys. Lady.” Snapping his fingers Crowley disappears to leave all of you alone with your thoughts.

“I must admit…I’m disappointed.” Whispering the words, you look at Dean, knowing it hits him even harder. “I had hoped something, or someone was influencing Jo back then.” Wrapping your arms around Dean’s neck you let him hold you for a minute, knowing he needs to process his friend was the one abusing him.

“What now? Shall we…” Sam trails off, glancing at Castiel. “I mean, Jo is dangerous. She tried to attack Ellen and a nurse once again. Is there a way to make sure she can never harm anyone?”

----

Watching Jo in the padded cell you hold Dean’s hand in a tight grip. He can see Jo staring at him, a blank expression on her face. It seems like she’s in peace and you want to leave but then she jumps up to yell at you.

“This isn’t over! He’s still mine. One day I’ll get out of here, Y/N and no demon, angel or hunter will able to save you from me!” Jo curses as you slide your fingers through Dean’s hair before you kiss his lips softly.

“You know…” Panting against Dean’s lips you smirk. “I had the feeling someone unimportant just said stupid stuff. Let’s go back home and take these naughty pictures of your cute ass…” Dragging Dean away from the cell you smile to yourself as Jo keeps on screaming your name.

“I can take these pictures…” Dean husks.

“First I want to see your naked ass, Winchester. We can negotiate about you taking pictures of mine later…”

“I got a nice ass, trust me, Sweetheart…” Chuckling Dean stops in his tracks as you turn around to cradle his face.

“I trust you, Dean…”

“I trust you too, Baby Girl…”

“Trust me, no one wants to see the two of you flirting with each other…” Sam groans and Dean starts laughing, just like you.

Even Castiel can’t stop the smirk on his lips as Crowley snickers silently walking unseen toward Jo’s cell to make sure she can never hurt you again…

“I trust you too, Y/N so I will do what none of you was able to do…for you…”

THE END

Trust Tags

@greenarrowhead​​​, @justanotherwinchester​​, @marvelouslysherlockedhunter​​

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22​, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom​, @thewinchesterco, @hobby27, @kittycatlover18, @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana31, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99, @flamencodiva, @echoesofpassion, @cocklesbelli, @voltage-my2dlove, @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @thenamelesschibi, @lauravic, @fandomsrourlives, @wittysunflower, @drakelover78, @lemondropirwin, @lonewolf471, @wronglanemendes, @spnhollis, @void-imaginations​, @jay-and-dean, @shatteredabby, @juniorhuntersam, @helpmeluci, @neii3n​, @goodgodimaweirdperson, @alltimesamantha, @chonisberonica, @supernaturalonice, @stuckys-whore, @shadowkat-83 @officialmarvelwhore, @wecantgiggleitsafandom, @meganywinchester​, @shikshinkwon, @miraclesoflove, @yolobloggers, @lu-sullivan, @maniacproffesor​, @hollymac79, @straycuties9, @kayla-2000, @ilovefanfic86, @gracefultrenchcoat494​, @babygirls-fav, @sadn0va, @spnwoman, @amiquette, @linki-locks11​, @geekofmanyforms, @eggingamazinglove, @jessica-marsh09​, @spnficgirl​, @shut-themoonscone, @thequeenreaders, @countrygal17a​, @kteelou​, @soryuwifeyxx​, @kricketc28​, @heartislubbingdubbing​, @atomicfandombomb​, @defenderrosetyler​, @shortwinchester​, @maybesomedaygayyyy​, @tmiships4life​, @deanmonandnegansbitch​, @exo-nova​, @the-chocolate-moose​, @laxe-from-outer-space​, @sabascio​, @that-place-called-middle-earth​, @the-broken-angel-13​, @bunnybaby89​, @pandabiiissh​, @maddiedott​, @theoneandonlymelol @mblaqgi​, @differentstudentrunaway-e70bf763​, @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel​

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags     

@spnfamily-j2​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @butifulsoul125​, @lyinginthegingerlocks​, @deans-baby-momma​, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​, @20gayneen​, @janicho88​, @thefaithfulwriter​, @dreaminemz​, @negans-lucille-tblr​, @akshi8278​, @hhiggs​, @midnightsilver16830​, @mrspeacem1nusone​, @ria132love​, @caligraphee​, @the-witch-in-silence​, @multisuperfandom​, @deansgirl-1968​, @justanotherwinchester​, @jadesupernatural​, @squirrelnotsam​, @gaveherhearttotheliontattoo​, @roonyxx​, @jason-todd-squad​, @thevelvetseries​, @spnsuper17​, @adoptdontshoppets​, @woodworthti666​, @frederikkeborup​, @psychicforest​, @luciathewinchestergirl​, @michellemxndes​, @addictedtofictionalcharacters​ 

[mittensmorgul]

You and the show itself have repeatedly called Chuck a hack writer... ("Ayn Rand after firing her editor" hahahahah), and yet the story is deep, moving, multilayered, endlessly engaging. So what gives? Or is it the fact that Chuck-the-writer himself is a character?... *gets a headache*

HAAAA.

Well, first off, I thought I’d said “Anne Rice after firing her editor.” *goes to check* yup, that’s what I said. :’D

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/188632630880/i-know-this-is-a-weird-question-but-with-his

(for context, early in her career after her first brush with success, she just... unilaterally decided that she would have sole control over her creations, and has since refused any and all editorial guidance. And it’s... noticeable...)

but YES I mean ~Chuck the Character~. Since he’s not the one writing the show we’re watching. He’s writing his own thing in-universe. Which we know for a fact is... not exactly true to what *we* have seen happen.

I mean, one of the first things we learn about his books is that he never used Sam and Dean’s last name in the books. We also learn that he HEAVILY edited stuff out to suit the story. Like, in the Supernatural books in canon, there’s no mention of Sam’s blood drinking. Chuck left it out because he thought it made Sam seem “unsympathetic.” So what else has he left out, or changed, to suit the story he ~actually~ wanted to tell?

Lizbob wrote a great piece years ago about this-- the in-narrative “book fandom” vs “our tv show fandom.” This was from January 2015, so it’s been a while, and doesn’t include current... developments... regarding Chuck. (so please don’t go asking lizbob for an update on this one... she’s still half a dozen episodes behind and doesn’t know things yet... thanks!)

https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/108911450713/he-seems-helpful-and-dreamy

So that’s for what he actually LITERALLY writes in canon, as a character. But as for what he metaphorically writes as GOD? As the creator of the universe in-narrative, who set the stage by his own creation, and then repeatedly manipulated circumstances to attempt to force his characters to enact certain plotlines? And then when they finally REFUSED? Because as part of the story he’d not only given his characters free will, but also spent the last 14 years testing that sense of free will by fire at every opportunity, hardening it into a rock-solid foundation they finally stood upon in 14.20? And ultimately defied him?

Yeah, he had a temper tantrum.

This is the point in my reply where I begin to feel a bit dizzy, because it’s one of those mind-bendy sorts of situations. So apologies in advance if I go a bit *wobbles hand back and forth*

When they introduced Chuck as a character, I don’t know if there was already intent, or even long-term thought put into him secretly being God playing a hack writer in his own story. But I do know that Kripke told Rob that he’d been essentially playing God, and joked with him about it. So even if it hadn’t started with the firm conviction that Chuck was actually God, it was definitely the intent by the time 5.22 aired.

That said, how much influence over creation did Chuck really have? How much was his characters surprising him, and defying his original intent? Supernatural has played with this concept repeatedly since then, but especially heavily in Dabb era. Which, as I’ve stated many times in the past, I firmly believe began at the midpoint of s11 when he quietly took over the showrunning duties. I believe Chuck As Final Boss had been his intent since he took over, and he’d been setting up the pieces all along. He could’ve run another season on the AU!Michael arc, he could’ve drawn out the story for several more seasons after that if everyone had wanted to keep going. But I believe that what we’re seeing unfold now had always been the Bigger Picture Plan. Which makes him very un-Chuck-like.

And this is what makes the whole thing incredibly meta. Because the writers in ~our universe~ have been creating this story all along, deliberately writing Chuck as a mediocre writer. Sure he had some interesting ideas, but remember those characters with Free Will? Who he gave this power to make choices for themselves? Yeah, they’ve been getting better and better at ~interfering~ with Chuck’s big plots. And Chuck... has been getting worse and worse at thinking up plausible alternate scenarios to throw at them to wrench them around to the tragic plots CHUCK wanted to write for them.

Chuck is NOT an in-story symbol for the current writers. He’s The Original Storyteller. He’s also a handy metaphor for the “Supernatural should go back to what it used to be” crowd. It can NEVER go back to what it was at the beginning, because the characters have grown and evolved so much since then, because remember, in story THEY ARE AUTONOMOUS BEINGS WITH FREE WILL! And Chuck doesn’t WANT them to be. He wants them to be actors on his personal stage, willing to follow the script, even when it doesn’t make SENSE. Even when none of the characters even like the play.

He created this world, and has spent years tormenting Sam, Dean, and Cas (and now Rowena, Jack, and everyone else too) for his own personal entertainment. And he refuses to let them rest. The moment they earn themselves a win, he throws yet another problem at them. To the point where he’s had to break his own “storytelling rules” to divert them back into the story numerous times.

Have a gun that can kill anything? Great! Try shooting the devil in the face with it! WHOMP-WHOMP. Sorry, there’s only five things in the world that gun can’t kill, and Lucifer’s one of them! Sucks to be you guys!

Angels don’t have weapons, they just have glowy mojo! WHOMP-WHOMP! Except this one sword that can kill other angels! Wait, you like that? OKAY SO MAYBE ALL angels have swords from now on! Sucks to be you guys!

Oh, you have a magical necklace that glows in my presence? WHOMP-WHOMP! Sorry, I switched it off. Blocked your number. Wasn’t taking calls. Too busy writing my masterpiece to be interrupted by your pestering. Sucks to be you guys!

He’s repeatedly blamed all the worlds problems on anyone but himself, despite most of the problems his characters have complained about to his face... were literally of his own design. They’ve got a list of complaints about his storytelling about five miles long by now, and he just shrugs and goes on writing.

And he’s so completely lost touch with his own “characters” and now so CONVINCED that he’s actually telling a good story that it’s become the Last Job of his characters to somehow (by the end of the series) wrest control of their own story from him, one way or another.

He’s “written” countless other universes that he considers (and that AU!Michael referred to as) “failed drafts.” He didn’t like the way the story was going, and abandoned ship to create a new universe, with a different story. But all the stories are essentially the same, or at least similar enough to see his pet themes and plotlines play out over and over in different permutations.

His attempt to control the story had faltered so badly by 14.20 that he finally felt compelled to turn up in person to set things back on track, to wrangle in his misbehaving characters by literally having Dean kill both Jack and himself. I mean... this was Chuck’s last ditch attempt to force all their hands back into compliance.

So... the entire “story” of Supernatural the television show hasn’t been a contrivance by Chuck, you know? The characters of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack (and all the rest) haven’t been all Chuck’s doing. The characters do have free will (to an extent, as Chuck’s narratives have sometimes limited their choices they have available to them), but he’d finally driven them to a point where they refused to keep acting out his dramas.

But Chuck’s so not done with them yet.

I hope this makes sense... because I think it’s incredibly clear what Chuck is arranging, what he’s manipulating, and what’s just ~life~, or what’s just ~characters acting out of their own free will.~ But that distinction is not clear at all at the moment to, say, Dean for example. Because he’s inside the story, and can’t see what the truth of the situation actually is yet. He doesn’t realize he’s STILL inside Chuck’s story, and that Chuck isn’t done with them yet, you know?

But they will. And it’s OUR writers in THIS universe that have written ALL of this.

So THAT’S where your incredibly nuanced and layered storytelling has come from. Chuck writes the setup, but the characters don’t have a script. I said in something a while back that it’s like he puts the characters into an escape room with a set of parameters and then watches them work out how to escape on their own, only to find themselves still stuck in an even bigger escape room. As the creator, he can manipulate the room they’re stuck in, arbitrarily change the rules on them, but he can’t manipulate THEM DIRECTLY. That pesky free will at work!

But OUR writers in OUR universe are the ones telling the ENTIRE story, including those characters with free will. And isn’t that just incredible?

[vvivacious101]

Regarding Cas and Dean

I’m falling down a rabbit hole so deep less than 33 hours before Season 15 premieres. I was thinking about Cas and Dean and then I was rewatching Season 1 and then I was reading this amazing meta about season 5 and then 7 and then I was fast-forwarding through season 7 and 8 to go through all the Dean and Cas scenes while then getting bombarded with truly delicious speculation regarding season 15. It’s too much I can’t bear it. It was so much that for a brief moment in time it was my absolute reality and the best feeling in the world. God, this single season a single moment in this entire season will define it in its entirety and I have no idea where the pendulum swings. Though in the deepest depths of my heart I’m a true believer, I still need to keep my head a little sceptical if I don’t want to go bat shit crazy. It’s even crazier to realise that by this time next year I will know everything there is to know about this story and I have no idea what my heart will be filled with then and it will be too much if it is regret. It’s making me crazy.

I wasn’t even thinking about the premiere till like the 5th when it suddenly became the only thing I could think about. I feel like I almost want the time to get here already when I get to watch it because once I do atleast that will be one thing less to worry about and we can finally get settled for the long haul when this feeling will probably return with full force in March. I know I said this before when they announced that this would be the last season and I felt bereft like there would be something missing from my life when this show got over even though at the time of that announcement season 14 wasn’t even over yet. That feeling is hitting me hard right now, it’s killing me.

Especially the question that is Destiel. I have been thinking a lot about these two because the resolution to this single relationship is going to define television history. We will finally know once and for all.

Supernatural loves Dean and Cas because it can’t seem to figure out a way to break the dynamic but it also loves yoyoing with these two and their feelings. It’s almost like for some reason every time Dean and Cas seem to be headed towards the same page somebody changes the book and they have to repeat the process all over again.

So, let’s go back to the beginning the very beginning.

Season 4

Dean and Cas meet for the first time at the end of Lazarus Rising that is episode 4x01 in what will go done as one of the most iconic scenes in television history. You might not remember the details but you can still remember the way that scene made you feel. It was gloriously intense and there is just so much happening in it. It was the scene that launched a thousand ships. On a deeper level, this scene is already laying down the foundation of Dean and Cas’ relationship. But for my purposes, we don’t need to go very deep. On the surface what this scene really is, is antagonistic. Dean tries to kill Cas from the moment he lies eyes on him then he proceeds to deride him and not believe him only for Cas to then hit a nerve. Dean is caught off guard and clearly has no faith in Cas because he spends the very next scene arguing against the existence of angels with Sam.

In 4x02 Dean and Cas again meet at the end of the episode. This scene is different in a way, Dean is so caught off guard that he is extremely raw and vulnerable and he is also being extremely true. This scene ends with Cas threatening Dean and taken together with the previous scene seems to depict a trend of rising antagonism between Dean and Cas. It becomes increasingly apparent that things can go one of two ways weather Dean yields or Dean breaks.

Then comes episode 4x03 “In the Beginning”. Dean and Cas share 5 scenes in this episode. With the first three scenes ending on the same note with Dean asking a question and Cas metaphorically hanging up the phone on Dean. The fifth scene of this episode ends with Cas threatening Dean were it hurts - Sam. These three scenes at the end of the first three episodes of season 4 showcase a trend with Cas being increasingly aggressive towards Dean. But 4x03 doesn’t have 4 Dean and Cas scenes it has 5. The fourth scene is just a few seconds long but it is the most significant moment in Dean and Cas’ history. This is the moment that changes the trajectory of their entire relationship. See for yourself.

The moment when Dean and Cas look into each others’ eyes is a moment that is truly indescribable because in these few second there is so much happening. Dean is vulnerable and he is looking for assurance and he gets that assurance and support from Cas who has the gentlest expression on his face. This scene is significant because following this Dean starts calling Castiel Cas and the next time Dean and Cas see each other Cas will be the one expressing doubts. When I said I saw this going two ways I didn’t anticipate the fact that Cas could be the one to yield.

This scene is significant, it is a turning point for Dean and Cas, for the season and for the entirety of Supernatural. 

But, you see Supernatural loves to muddy the waters so it follows this milestone of an event by a threat which has immediate repercussions. It takes your focus off but still when you see Dean and Cas in 4x07 you don’t question the fact that all of a sudden Cas is no longer aggressive towards Dean. There are two scenes between Cas and Dean this episode. The first one is special because in the first nine scenes Cas has on this show all nine also feature Dean and eight of them feature no one other than Dean. But, the first scene between Dean and Cas in 4x07 also has Sam and Uriel. In a scene in which Dean and Cas constantly forget there are other people around. At one point of time, Cas steps up to Dean and reminds him that his decision could result in Hell on Earth and Sam replies offscreen because the focus is still on Dean and Cas. Dean’s expression seems like he was caught off guard but Cas he doesn’t even move his gaze off Dean like during the entire time Sam is speaking up Dean atleast flicks a glance at him and Sam is behind Dean so it’s not like looking back is convenient but the guy it is convenient for doesn’t flick a glance. At another point in the same scene, Cas talks to Uriel without moving his gaze off of Dean’s face. And this is were association comes in by this point we have started associating Cas with Dean to the exclusion of all else there is already a bond forming between these two characters. And the next scene in this episode showcases just that, Cas has doubts, has questions and he reveals this secret to Dean. Cas is an angel for an angel displays of emotions are tantamount to treason and Cas is committing a crime but he already trusts Dean with his deepest darkest secret, a secret that will later in this very season result in torture for Castiel.

The next time we see Castiel we see SPN at work trying to dissociate Dean and Cas as they are now in direct conflict in a scene that starts at the end of 4x09 and continues into the beginning of 4x10. They try to do this by bringing in Anna who is an angel and also a love interest for Dean. As Anna comes into the picture all of a sudden Cas and Dean don’t seem to have much to share especially in the face of a canon love interest and this is were the show seems to contradict itself, because at a point when Dean and Cas’ relationship seems pretty insignificant we have Uriel tell Dean this.

Dean: Don’t normally see you off leash. Where’s your boss?

Uriel: Castiel... Oh! He’s... He’s not here. You see he has this weakness, he likes you.

Then in a later scene in the same episode, we have the awkwardest exchange in all of history. Anna kisses Dean in front of Sam, Cas and Uriel. This kiss is really weird especially because Cas doesn’t avert his gaze the entire time they are kissing. This kiss makes you uncomfortable. Anna and Dean feel wrong.

Now, this is where I am going to say this SPN does seesaw on Dean and Cas but it never consistently tries to rid itself of the dynamic thus invariably becoming the very reason it exists. So after a while, it seems pretty implausible that the creators have no idea what they are doing, even if Cas is seeing Anna kiss Dean why is the focus solely in Cas’ face there are two other people in the room. It doesn’t end here we have Cas at the mercy of Alastair and all of a sudden Dean who is in on the plan of letting Heaven and Hell fight it out suddenly risks his life to save Cas from Alastair. This is significant both ways Alastair is Dean’s tormentor and Cas is Dean’s saviour so he is literally choosing to save himself from all the torment he has faced. Secondly, Dean might be repaying his massive debt to Cas by saving him but the fact that in doing so he has to stand up to a demon who tortured him makes this rather off-focus scene significant. Thirdly, maybe at this point, we can safely say Dean likes Cas and is willing to save him even when their goals don’t align.

There is a little season featuring these two in a small scene in 4x15.

Dean: What the hell?

Cas: Guess again

Dean: It was you. If you wanted our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?

Cas: Because whatever I ask, you seem to do the exact opposite

Dean: These are good people. Don't you think you could make a few exceptions?

Cas: To everything there is a season

Dean: You made an exception for me

Cas: You're different

It is not significant from their relationship’s POV but I would like to point out 15 episodes into the season and there isn’t a single Cas seen that also doesn’t feature Dean and with the exception of just three scenes these scenes haven’t featured anyone except Dean.

4x16 is the first time Cas grows as a character and shares scenes with other characters for the very first time. This is also a Cas-centric episode. The episode starts with Uriel ordering Cas to torture Alastair for information but when they get to the location Dean wants to talk to Cas alone. This is the first time we see Dean express concern for Cas and Cas manages to convince Dean to torture Alastair something Dean does with a very heavy heart but something he also does because Cas and specifically Cas asks him to. The last scene of this episode is absolutely heart-breaking because I don’t think that Dean has ever been this vulnerable in front of any character before. Dean is a tough guy who believes the motto “fake it till you make it” and for the first time, that facade is stripped clean and revealed.

In 4x18 we have Dean pray for the first time and Cas sees it as a sign of faith personally it seems more like faith in Cas then in Heaven as a whole and this is exactly when you know things are different. Dean is more invested in Cas then in the entire concept of Heaven. Also, this episode is where we have Cas slyly helping Dean which is so amazing because it starts cementing Dean and Cas as a team.

So just when they establish Dean and Cas as a team guess what the next episode these two characters star in is about. Of course, it’s about breaking the dream team. This episode is significant because if Dean had just gotten to Cas on time a whole lot of pain could have been averted but of course, that’s not the story. Dean and Cas are back to their starting points and that’s exactly what I meant by Dean and Cas relationship just yoyo-ing all over the place. In season 4, it has always been two steps forward and four steps back. This is going to change in the season finale with Cas taking a stand that is going to cement this relationship but season 4 while amazing isn’t the perfect Destiel season. That’s coming. Also, given what we learn in season 8 it is apparent Castiel has undergone re-education.

In the very next episode, we again have Dean express concern about Cas’ wellbeing and we have Cas recruit Dean into Heaven’s service the very thing he was going to stop but we don’t know this at this time.

Season 4 starts something that is going to define Cas and Dean’s behaviour and that is the held gaze. Cas and Dean hold gazes for seconds on end and in 4x21 they break their own personal record.

4x22 is EPIC. It is. It is an amazing episode but let’s be honest I only care about Cas and Dean at this point. This episode has Dean convincing Cas to betray and disobey Heaven and he does it not two episodes after he was severely reprimanded for his emotions which apparently are doorways to doubt. Cas literally blasts the script and throws about the pieces. At this point, you can’t argue how much of an impact Dean has on Cas like convincing an angel to rebel. It’s not even about what he does but how he does it. Lots of eye contact in this one. There is this one particular moment when Cas has his gaze turned away from Dean something that I really think hasn’t happened till this point and Dean dips his head to catch Cas’ gaze and kind of makes him turn his head os that they are making eye contact again and it is such a subtle thing but it is so there. What does it even mean? I don’t think I have ever seen two characters behave this way then when Cas decides to do the deed he comes barging in and knocks Dean into a wall covers his mouth and just holds his gaze. I couldn’t get a single thing from Cas’ eyes but apparently, Dean learns an entire plan from looking into them. I mean I guess he has had a lot of practice. One more thing I would like to mention is that when Zach reminds Dean he swore obedience to Heaven and its angels and Dean looks towards Cas, at that moment it is pretty clear Dean wasn’t thinking when he made that oath because he literally made it to Cas and only to him when he sees his oath extrapolated to include Zach he isn’t happy in fact you can almost say he feels betrayed. Then in the last scene of this episode that they share together, we have Cas say that he is making it up as they go along and Dean looks at him with like so much awe. That was definitely something.

Season 4 is a lot of fun to revisit because well it is the season that gave birth to Destiel and it is fun because these two share a lot this season. It was the first time Dean is in so much conflict with Sam and he is actively kind of embracing whatever he and Cas share as a crutch to hold himself up. But this is still the baby stages, there is a lot of fun to come.

[themaskedwriter]

Movie Quotes - Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You always quote movies around Steve, and when he admits he hasn’t seen most of them you organize a movie night. But does he have the guts to admit to you that he’s the Jack to your Rose?

Warnings: Fluffy, nothing really haha, swearing more than likely

Note: This is my submission. My three hints are: - I use an anonymous name for my blog. - My blog could go to war, with the name that I have - I often base my fics off of songs, such as Dodie. 

Word Count: 3,725

The coffee machine buzzed to indicate everyone that it was, in fact, working. However, the noise went past the ears of Bucky - who was leaning against the kitchen counter, hand clasping a mug of tea, as he conversed with Steve. The captain was already dressed - naturally - and he’d already been on a morning run, “to kill some time.”

Something about the air in the room changed when you entered through the open doorway, as you short pajama pants contrasted greatly from Steve’s blue jeans. You moved with a sense of ease to the coffee machine, placing a mug beneath the dispenser location, and pressing “release.”

“Morning, fellas,” you grinned, already chirpy despite the early morn that left only the three of you awake. Where as Steve woke up to run, and Bucky woke up to escape the torment of his mind, you didn’t have any specific reason to awake: or so they thought. In fact, you did. It gave you more minutes with a certain blonde, who was always dressed at 6 in the morning as though it was as normal as tying his laces.

They both shot you a smile in reply, and you removed your mug and took a long slurp - the heat barely making you wince. Moving towards the kitchen island, you placed the mug down before hoisting yourself to sit on the marble finish. Retrieving the baby pink cup to your lips, you took a rewarding slurp, before placing it back down.

“Stevie,” you called, and his eyes instantly darted to meet your own from where they originally rested on his mug - so he didn’t stare at your bare legs for what could be considered too long to be normal. A taunting smirk came to your lips, as you narrowed your eyes: “Hold my pie,” you remarked, in an exaggerated deep and (what was meant to be) masculine voice.

He brought a similar smile to his lips, as he gazed around in thought. “Um…robo-cop?”

“What!? No, you idiot! iRobot!” you laughed, and Bucky chuckled similarly.

“I knew that one,” he muttered, and Steve shot him a glare. However, his gaze weakened as he danced his focus back to you.

“Never seen it,” he admitted, and you almost choked on your drink.

“What? What! How?” you snapped, and as his mouth fell open to answer, you left him impersonating a gold-fish. “That’s it, we’re adding that to the list.”

“This list is gonna be as long as the girl’s who’ve rejected Sam,” Bucky now hissed, which earned a punch in the bicep from Steve. You couldn’t help but giggle though, as you jumped off the counter top with a now empty mug. It always baffled the blonde how you could down it without wincing, though the water was close to boiling.

“Buck does have a point though, we do need to start shortening this list. You free tonight?” you asked, placing the mug in the dishwasher before slamming it closed. Steve was close to having a heart attack internally, as the butterflies that raced around his stomach batted their wings against his heaving chest. Bucky had a smirk, able to hear the erratic heart-race, and so his cheeks naturally darkened in shade. He prayed you couldn’t hear how nervous your simple question made him.

“Yeah, sure,” he breathed, praying to any higher power that his voice sounded level and even: not like a school-girl being hit on by her crush. You shot him a grin, nodding your head.

“Wonderful. I’ll bring three of the movies on our list, including my favourite: iRobot.” And with that refreshing conclusion, like a glass of fresh lemonade during a heat-wave, you skipped out of the kitchen and down the hall. As soon as you were out of sight and ear-shot, and Steve could no longer hear your foot-steps padding, he turned to Bucky in alarm.

“Oh God. What do I wear? What do I do?” he panted, grabbing the elder’s shoulders. Bucky just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Buy some snacks, wear some joggers, and relax: it’s only Y/N,” he grinned, pushing his hands off of him, and vanishing out the room - though not with the same energy you radiated. Steve stared after the two of you, breathing out in tense worry.

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” he hissed.

***

***

After pulling bargains and deals with the rest of the avengers, you’d claimed the main living area for you and Steve. Some, such as Sam, were eager to have the two of you finally go on a date - of sorts - instead of (to quote) “eye-fondling each-other, all the time.” Some led to you being $100 short, as Nat made you pay her to use the other T.V so she could watch her season finale. Tony made sly comments about how he shouldn’t see any weird stains on the sofa, which was rewarded with a smack to the face, and Bucky simply agreed to leave the two of you alone out of the kindness of his scarred heart.

It was rolling to around 8pm, and you were actually shitting yourself. You didn’t think you’d be so nervous, spending alone time with Steve. After all, you’d watched movies with him before, except it was usually with someone else, and it wasn’t as intimate. This wasn’t intimate, though, was it? It was to educate him on the world of pop-culture, it was necessary for him to fit in with the 21st century. However, you knew that was a lie you told yourself in an attempt to clam the swarming thoughts in your mind.

Skipping down the hall in some Hollister joggers, and a black tank top - with three quarter length sleeves that flared out just after the elbow - you made your way into the living area. Steve wasn’t there yet, but it didn’t phase you as you’re agreed to meet at half 8, and it was only twenty past.

Picking up the remote, you went through Netflix and Amazon, getting ready to watch the movies you’d decided to combat for the evening. It first was iRobot - your favourite movie, and the one Steve had failed today’s movie quote quiz you always gave him. Then you’d watch Forest Gump, in which you’d once told him in reassurance that “life was like a box of chocolates” and he thought you were actually offering him a chocolate. Finally, the evening would conclude with Titanic - so you could make non-stop references about Kate and Leo, and Rose and Jack. Always, for your own viewing pleasure of the second hottest male on earth: young Leo. Just as you’d finished sourcing the movies, the door opened and Steve entered with a carrier of snacks, and some bowls stacked in his left hand.

“Hey,” you smiled, sitting up and turning to him. He wore dark blue sweat pants, that were loose around the crotch, and a loose black tee. You didn’t even think he owned loose clothing, but something about this look made him seem squishy adn adorable, and so you beckoned him over with a smile. He pushed the coffee table nearer to the largest sofa, where you were both sitting, and spread out bowls. “What’s in the bag?”

He rose his brows, before furrowing them in thought. “I’m not sure which movie that’s from,” he admitted shyly, and you giggled.

“It’s not a movie quote, silly,” you chuckled, pushing the blanket off your legs and moving closer. He shook his head with a chuckle, before showing you the contents of the carrier.

“Okay, so, we’ve got Haribo,” he said, and you nodded as he poured them into a bowl.

“Iconic,” you chimed.

“Pop-corn,” he spoke, whilst raising the bag of sweet-n-salty pop-corn.

“Classic,” was the grinning response.

“Doritos. You’re, um, favourite flavour,2 he said, mumbling the last part with a nervous blush. You smiled wider, heart fluttering a little at the sentiment.

“Aw, you remembered!” you smiled, your own cheeks heating a little: and you could imagine the teasing from Tony and Sam if they were here.

“And…two beers,” he smirked, before placing down the glass bottles along with an opener. You nodded, diving for one of them, as he collected the bowl holding the pop-corn, and made his way to the sofa.

When he first sat down, it was so apparent he was nervous. You could’ve fitted a small elephant between the two of you, and so you took the executive choice of moving closer to him. So close, in fact, that your thighs brushed. And his cheeks grew darker once more, as he placed the pop-corn bowl in his lap. You took a handful, dragging the blanket so it covered your thighs, and you decided to lean your head against his shoulder subconsciously: it was more comfortable, anyway.

“So, if we start with iRobot,” you said, lifting the remote and pressing play. “This is my favourite movie of all time. And Will Smith is amazing in this. Oh! There’s this really funny scene when Spooner - which is Will Smith - is like ‘a robot can’t paint a masterpiece,’ or something like that: and Sonny - the robot - is like, ‘can you?’ you rambled, smile almost bursting off your face, as you essentially spoiled most of the film before the opening was over. Though he was missing an important part of the movie, he couldn’t help but focus on your face, as you watched the all to familiar scenes whilst your mouth ran a mile a minute. When you were like this, talking about things you adored, he could fall into it and never want to find a way out.

***

***

By now, you were approaching the end of Titanic. You’re body had shifted, so your head was on Steve’s lap - that was concealed by the bright pink blanket - and he’d moved the Doritos to the side so you could snuggle down. Throughout the scenes, his eyes danced down to see your droopy eyes focused on the scenes, an easy smile on your face. From time to time, you’d giggle or repeat a line you liked under your breath, and sometimes you’d tell him a small fact about something in the movie, and the production of it. He wasn’t really listening, just admiring the way you were so intent on knowing everything about anything you loved.

At this moment, the room was pitch black aside from the light glaring off the giant flat-screen. It made the features of your face glimmer, and Steve’s own face look even more enticing, on the moments when you’d chuckle at a joke, and you’d glance up to shoot him a smile - happy he was enjoying this as much as you. The pop-corn was all gone, the Haribo dish half empty, and the beer bottles discarded.

The ship was nearly completely enveloped by the ocean’s relentless waves, bullying against the structure. People were diving off the sinking ship, yelling and shouting radiating through the room. Steve knew of the titanic, as it was before his time, but the movie made it seem more real: the images from the tragedy only drawings or sketches that were released in papers. He also discovered he was a sucker for romances, as he become almost emotionally attached to the couple who nearly got trapped within the filling levels of the boat.

Rose was in the water, yellow life jacket on, as she lay on top of some floating debris. Jack was holding her hand, but Steve knew he was a doomed man. A sniffle sounded, and he glanced down to see tears soaking your cheeks, as you tried to keep your reaction discreet.

“Jack. Jack! There’s a boat Jack,” Rose whimpered, shaking his hands as he lay lifeless. You couldn’t help it, this scene always tore you apart from the inside out. A sniff was all you could do, as snot tried to join the waterfall down your cheeks. Suddenly, a hand was in your hair, and you jumped a little. Then you felt Steve run his fingers through the strands in comfort, and you sniffled with a sad laugh.

“This part always gets to me,” you admitted, through a thick tone. He chuckled gently, watching the moments on the television.

“I’ll never let go: I promise.” she spoke, kissing his wrist before letting him slide into the water. Even Steve had to admit to himself that it was pretty emotional, but something about your reaction made him feel fuzzy inside. You were such a romantic. Suddenly, he felt you shift, as you moved to sit up to wipe your cheeks. He pulled his fingers from your hair, feeling a little embarrassed by the natural reaction - he’d always do it to Bucky’s younger sister whenever she was upset and her brother wasn’t around.

You let out a shy giggle, sniffing and wiping your nose on the back of your wrist.

“Wow. I mean, could you imagine that? Meeting your soulmate, and having to let them sink into the ocean?” you sniffed, turning to meet Steve’s icy gaze. He chuckled, shrugging.

“Been in a similar situation,” he joked, and you covered your mouth.

“Oh God, Steve, I didn’t even think. I didn’t upset you, did I?” you panicked, reaching for the remote to turn it off, though it was nearly finished anyway. He laughed, shaking his head, before catching your wrists.

“Don’t be daft. It was perfect. This whole evening was, pretty perfect,” he blushed, smiling down at your face. It was still flushed form tears, but you didn’t want to break his gaze, as you smiled back. And then his eyes flitted to your lips - for only a second - and your heart beat picked up. His smile dropped, as did yours, and you waited in pure anticipation.

He leaned closer, and your eyes closed, and…

Then you heard a sigh, and you opened to your eyes reluctantly, to see him back to how he was sat before. A feeling of regret and embarrassment came over you.He wasn’t going to kiss you, but now you’ve just completely outed yourself ad embarrassed yourself for expecting it. God, he probably felt pressured. Oh God.

His grip loosened on your hands, and you dropped them to your lap, as Celine Dion sang out the God awful theme song nobody likes. After clearing your throat, a painful silence painting over you both, you nodded.

“Well, goodnight, Stevie. Thanks for, um, joining me,” you smiled, meeting his eyes for only a moment before standing up and essentially sprinting out the room: feeling mortified.

***

***

“So,” Bucky started, staring at Steve - who was still in his running gear, from his routine morning run. Steve didn’t react, instead he watched the mug fill with coffee that had little to no effect on his metabolism. Bucky rose a brow, took a slurp of his drink, then sighed. “Hello?”

“What?” the blonde almost snapped, causing brown brows to raise from the elder super soldier.

“How was your date with Y/N last night?” he wondered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world: because, to be honest, it was.

“It wasn’t a date.” he muttered, taking his drink and refusing to meet his friend’s eyes.

“Oh no, what happened?” Bucky sighed,. moving closer and placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder. The blonde pulled away and shot him a glare.

“Nothing happened,” he spat. Bucky frowned, before grimacing.

“She didn’t show up?” he asked, sadly, voice dropping to be more empathetic. Steve let out a another huff, and as he was about to retaliate, and tell Bucky to mind his own God damn business, you waltzed into the room. However, it didn’t hold the same spring in your step like usual, and Steve didn’t let this go unnoticed: and neither did Bucky. Instead, he watched with a frown as you shot Steve an almost nervous smile, got your drink, and vanished.

“Okay, what happened?” Bucky snapped, once your footsteps had fallen out of ear-shot.

“What are you talking about, Buck?” Steve groaned, downing his drink to make his escape quicker. Bucky grabbed his best pal’s bicep and rose a brow.

“I mean, she comes in here looking like a deflated balloon, doesn’t say a word to either of us, and doesn’t give you her movie quote trivia question,” Bucky reeled, waiting to gauge his friend’s reaction. Steve sighed, staring at his feet.

“Well, we were watching the movies. And she had her head in my lap. And then she started crying, cause of the movie, and sat up. So, long story short, I nearly kissed her,” he admitted, with a slight blush, and a defeated look clear in his eyes. Bucky broke out into a smile.

“That’s great! that’s so great! So, then what?” he wondered, like a child eager to see what happens next in a movie. But Steve instead shrugged, before glancing up.

“I didn’t kiss her and she bolted.” Steve admitted, broken tone seeping through and making its way into Bucky’s ears. His shoulders sagged, and he frowned at his friend. “I just, I don’t know! I got overwhelmed and I haven’t kissed someone in so long!” he ranted, staring into his friend’s orbs with a pleading look. Bucky gave a sad smile in reply, and rubbed Steve’s arms up and down in comfort.

“You gotta kiss her, Stevie. She’s perfect for you, and she clearly likes you. Why do you think she never quizzes me?” he chuckled, and Steve met his eyes.

“I missed my chance, Buck,” he grumbled. Bucky laughed, shaking his head.

“Don’t do that again. You never got to take Peggy out, don’t do it another time.”

***

***

You sat on your bed, fingers brushing through the book Wanda had recommended - and you’d buried your nose in straight away. Your moment of serene silence was interrupted by a knock on your door.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, stop the music please,” you spoke, placing the book down after “dog-earing” the page. You jumped off the large comforter, moving to the door and opening it to see a tall, broad shoulder super soldier. He breathed out a sigh upon seeing your face. It wasn’t upset, or angry, but more questioning.

“Steve,” you said, a little aghast. He smiled, before sticking his hands in his pocket. “What can I do for you?”

“i need to tell you something,” he said, and something about his tone was almost grave and unsettling. You nodded, stepping to the side to let him into the room, as your heart beat picked up. you then let the door swing closed, and you turned to see him pacing a little, in the middle open space of your corner of the world.

“Stevie, is everything-”

“Don’t. I just, I need to tell you this,” he said, holding a hand up to cut you off. Then, his fingers dug into his jean’s pocket, and he lifted out a folded square of paper. You held your breath, heart pulsing in your ears, as you rung your hands together and waited for him to start.

“Y/N,  I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” he said, voice shaking a little, and your heart lept. Dirty Dancing. “Because, the truth is, you had me at hello,” he continued, not daring to look up to see your reaction. Jerry Maguire. “I think you should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how,” he almost admitted, through the infamous lines of Gone with the Wind, and you felt a smile taking over your dainty features. His shoulder’s weren’t as tense, and his voice was calmer, as he knew the words held meaning that he couldn’t explain. “They say, when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that’s true.” Big Fish. “And, when I’m with you, Y/N. Time does stop. And I don’t know why I didn’t kiss you last night, because I was going to. And I’m sorry for making you think I wouldn’t ever want to, because I do.”

Steve finally took in some air, before glancing up to meet your eyes. He held the paper in his shaking hands, though he didn’t need to read them any longer. You were smiling, the beams from it brighter than those from the sun, and he wanted to catch them in a jar and save for a rainy day. He took a step closer to you, and you decided to let him come to you, the same way he tried to last night.

“I’ve come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours,” he chuckled nervously, coming closer to you with every short step taken. You bit down on your lip, nodding to the words originally spoken from Sense & Sensibility. His pale hand took yours, and you looked up to meet his blue orbs that stared into your soul: oh how you wanted to drown in them.

“And you don’t have to feel the same way. I’m not expecting you to say anything. You can tell me to leave, and I’ll leave. But, if you want to give this a shot: so do I. And if it doesn’t work out…well, in all honesty, it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” Steve breathed against your lips, forehead almost pressing against your own. His eyes bore into yours, and he waited for you to push him away.

But instead, your lips curved into a smile, and you remarked, “The Fault in our Stars: I didn’t think you’d seen that movie.” And with that, he pressed his lips against yours. You wasted no time in wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him closer with a smile, before titling your head to deepen the kiss. He was now grinning against your lips, causing you to chuckle from the odd sensation. Pulling away reluctantly, from lack of air, he looked at your blushing face.

“Now that, Steve, should be a famous movie quote,” you smirked, before pressing your swollen lips to his own once more.