#Gizza job! I can do that

[thefrogsennaneverfound]

“Good pistol practice for the film mechanics”? I swear, I need to get me some transcribing work; if this is the crappy level people can get away with, I should be a shoe-in.

[candy-floss-crazy]

The large corporate clients we have, tend to have very little loyalty. If you can't do precisely what they want, they have no qualms about dropping you and using the next events company on their list. Over time this has given us the mindset of Yosser Hughes in boys from the black stuff. He was desperate for a job and any job that popped up he would proclaim "gizza job, I can do that." Anytime a major client asks if we can do something the answer is always "Of course, been doing that for years, piece of cake". Once we get off the phone it then becomes, "How the hell are we going to do this?" Espresso Coffee Cart My wife walked into the office one Monday morning, and picked up an email printed out on my desk. It was the contract for providing an espresso coffee cart to HSBC's headquarters for an event on the Wednesday, two days hence. She looked at me inquiringly and asked "Who is doing that job for us?" "No one, we are doing it ourselves" She raised an eyebrow and replied "We don't have an effing espresso coffee cart!" "Ha", says I, "Not a problem, Ian is out building the cart now, the coffee machine and equipment is being delivered in the morning, and I am on a Barista training course tomorrow evening" On the day the first customer was like, "A cappuccino, two lattes, an espresso and a Machiato please". WTF, help, I can't do this. When I had calmed down, I realised that every drink started with an espresso, you just added different amounts of steamed milk and foam. They wanted 5 drinks, you made 5 espressos, steamed a large jug of milk, then poured to suit. Easy peasy. In fact they were so impressed that they had us back on a number of occasions. The espresso cart is now a firm favourite amongst many of our staff. Sony And Nissan Walk Into A Bar A couple of years later I got a call from a long term client, an events company we worked with quite often. "Jason, do you do mobile bars, we have a massive job on offer from Sony and Nissan, they need a bar to celebrate the end of a worldwide competition they have been running.", basically players on the Sony GT racing game could compete to win a place on the actual Nissan racing driver development program. "Yep, we can do that, when is it?" Lol, "A week today", gulp. "Er yeh no problem". When I told my wife she said that this time I was on my own, she wasn't coming to that event as I was going to fall flat on my face in front of a major corporate client. I spent the day feverishly ordering equipment we would need. Luckily a mate of mine Dean, owned a local pub, and he wrote me a list of what I needed. We sourced a company that supplied portable bar sections and set off the next morning to collect them. I took my staff down to Dean's pub to treat them to a night out, on the condition that Dean let them pull their own pints. And we managed to hire a kid that had worked in a cocktail bar, so we had at least one member of staff who had some idea of what he was doing. Our New Bar On the day everything went off perfectly. Well almost, I had ran water through the Jagermeister dispenser to clean it, and hadn't gotten all of it out, with the result that it froze solid and wouldn't dispense. But apart from that it was a fabulous night. Especially when Sabine Schmitz on a segway managed to run Martin Brundle over lol, what a booze monster she was. By the nights end she was demanding we just pour whatever shots were left into a glass and she would drink that. After that one I think we can safely borrow the S.A.S. motto of "Who Dares Wins". Since then we have successfully acquired various bits of kit at short notice, crepe machines, Dutch Poffertjes and with a couple hours practice managed to provide a professional service, looking like we had done it all of our lives. Corporate clients want the impossible, we are happy to oblige. Read the full article

[fortheheavenssake]

MM Anon 6

Jan 1, 2020

MM ANON ……… “ I don’t want to go back!!!”…… “ get him a title”………… “ a monthly periodical” ……… “mental health and well-being” ……… A brief synopsis LG……… “ I’ve prepared a small dossier ma’am”…… “One has no choice”……… “I’ll contemplate it”………… “ Somewhere warm Catherine”……… keep a low profile ………… he’ll do what he’s told!!!! ………… perhaps a state visit??………… “springtime with Boris in harmony” ……… “Mmmmmm, god help us”

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Jan 2

MM ANON ……… Drip, drip drip……… Drop ,drop drop……… back to school soon 🏫 ���…… a successful 🌍 ……… Sophie steps up…… a stable stable ………a tad overconfident ……… “ sooner she falls off the better!!” ……… “ Mmmmm, quite the young man!!”…… “resuming play” ……… it’s the open!! ……… “a bit of an obsession!!” …………”it’s another course Catherine” ……… “be careful!!”…… “ we’ll have to send an envoy ma’am”. ……… “yes, it’s a disaster “.

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Jan 3

MM ANON …… “They will return… eventually!!”…… “mummy, it’s school Monday!!”……… cry-sis, 😭😭what cry-sis…… “from our house to Bauhaus”……” there together sir”………… “ one needs the quiet time “……… take the pulse of the populace ……… “ overwhelming support ma’am” ……… “football George,football!!”…… “O god!! He’s on another planet”………… “ A quiet few weeks would be welcomed” ……… I received the memo. ………” poison chalice old boy, poison chalice”

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Jan 3

MM ANON, The Suck-sexses are said to be contemplating a return to the UK, I don’t think so, they have made it quite clear that they have nothing but contempt for the BRF and its citizens. They probably will visit LA and try to get some free PR via OW. Nutmeg will begin to blab more word salad about her “Snoozpaper” and how she’s living this perfect life with archificial and himself. WHO PAID FOR HER SIX WEEK VACATION???? THE BRITISH TAXPAYERS

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Jan 3

MM ANON , Mmmmm ,RA has a point, no recipes from Harry except (photoshopped images) ? My own gut instinct is that all the misinformation has muddied the waters of confusion. As you say this site is for “ entertainment purposes” and your unique in that respect. No body posts the amount of information that crosses your blog from anonymous sources to real time situations, even the national press visit “Skippy” to fuel its veracity for copy. As they say “A diabolo,qui semia dei”

A diabolo, qui est simia dei. Where god has a church the devil will have his chapel.

Thank you MM Anon😊❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Jan 4

MM ANON ……… a list of all her discrepancies!! ……… sex, lies and video tapes, my god!!……… metoo Monday …… “actually darling it’s now the safest local”…… “I’d love to play in a tournament” …… “ great backhand!! “ ……… Duty calls…… first things first!! ……… “an environmental tour??” ……” eventually,with the children” ……… no chance to cry racism ……… no protocol left ……… maybe frog cott?? ……… we start building in the spring ………” it won’t last long”.

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Jan 5

MM ANON, ……… 🎼I’m ready, ready ready ready,I’m ready🎼…… “No your not”………… vinegar and brown paper ……… activate the broken record ……… same old, same old ………” from my window I can see Frogmore House” ……… A short reflection on residency ……… home delivery …… another Sunday service , beautiful!! ……… she’s got this one in the bag. ………”The children aren’t participating!!”……A REASON, A SEASON A LIFETIME. ………

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Jan 6

MM ANON … RICKY , RICKY ,RICKY!! …… respect!! …… A HANK-kerchief full of platitudes …… 🎼a speech full of sugar helps the Meganson go down🎼……… 🎼Oh happy days 🎼………… “SHE CAME, SHE SAW, SHE CONNED-CURD…… …”………… “ this must end soon !! very soon”…… We have the technology ……… “Ahhh , The elusive tape”……… Timing is everything!! ……… DM loading it’s guns……… print and be dammed!!

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Jan 6

MM ANON, Ok , a sycophantic visit to Canada 🇨🇦 House tomorrow in a packed London, they’ll be met by the Ambassador and no doubt Harry will be the customary three steps behind his 43 year old companion who will smile on queue and fake waves to nobody watching. After the same old same old they’ll disappear into the same car and return to the elusive residence somewhere in England. Don’t expect a rush towards the crowd.

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Jan 7

MM ANON, ……… she’s the (arm) pits……… go home Yank…… he’s a stone lighter ……… get off my f#@£%land ……… “ come to my birthday, never!!” ……… A state of emergency …… who dares bins ………… 🎼return to lender🎼……… “ it’s a struggle old thing”……… “ stop swearing at the tourists”…………… “ bloody tourists” …… Sydney!!……… “ I’m looking forward to next series” ……… “new stamps??”

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Jan 8

MM ANON ……… 🎼”And she must face the final curtain 🎼 The problem with NOT WEARING your wedding ring opens all conversation towards conjecture ………… 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 the firm always wins. Numerous whores and courtesans have tried to put a dent in the Monarchy over the past 2000 years most were decapitated. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Jan 10

MM ANON. .…… GSTQAOBC …… don’t rock the bloat. …… pain-t stripper …… past, present and future ……… hide-a-Weymouth ……… W&K rule……… make a list ……… common- wealth……… nutmegs strange grandiosity ……… feed the handbitten …… king baby ………… love in a cold climate ……… NO MORE MONEY ……… a fall from race ……… Harry has left the building

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Jan 10

MM ANON, BP has just denied that M&H were frozen out. And where did she accumulate £500 million. Something really really stinks. All her life she’s grifted and whored. TPTB should take her down before the BRF are involved in her elaborate deception. DM poll on side of RF and PH, want MM to leave Britain and never return.

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Jan 11

MM ANON ……… blowing up a GAIL……… “ it’s like de-programming sir” ……” better have them inside the tent pissing out……… “it’s her pattern of behaviour” ………… back in the day ……… W&K step up……… William refuses to play ball……… that’s weak Charles …………” it’s all about money with her”……… “ all I’m saying is,you’re powerful family “ ………” another snifter LG”……… “ hold the calls Sydney”. 

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Jan 12

MM ANON ……… 🎼I don’t like Mondays🎼………” turn her bloody ugly face orf”. …… “ your call William!!” ……… bad advice ……… A military absence ……… “ yes,Pontcius Pilate” ……… Charles, The weakest link ……… “ your over generous ma’am”. ……… “ let them go, f**** em” ……… The taxpayers won’t like it ……… Canada caves……… RCMP……… BO offers a net- flick……… 🎼money,money,money 🎼…………… royal dis-appointments. ………… a tabloid tornado looms.

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Jan 13

MM ANON …………… take it or , take it!!……… no negotiation ………… Harry walks out ……… threats and lies ……… no comment…… tabloid carnage ……… more talk,talk. ……… commonwealth ambassador??? ……… no loss of financial support ……… MM gives up title ……… Harry keeps HRH. ……… archificial tells all……… W&K hold a huge party 🥳 🧣🤣🥳🥳🥳👀……… PP gives Sydney a knighthood ……… PP& Sydney get drunk. …………George bakes a cake. ……… Lottie has another sleepover. ……… Nanny gets a surprise

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jan 14

MM ANON ……… para-sight……… “ O ma’am, cunning very cunning”………… “ William is made of sterner metal”……… ( behind every great man) ……… spring offensive, the children!! …………” Lotties the key”……… the holy trinity ……… “freeze them out”………… “it’s all a smokescreen sir”…… “ yes, full steam ahead, ask Camilla “ ………… “ circle the wagons LG” …………” Burn that f**** olive branch, once bitten”………” a Canadian tour , with the children, OMG! Touché!!……… inde redire eruditionis Habes

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Jan 14

MM ANON … She new well in advance of Markle V Markle, that’s why she ran , doesn’t want the dirty laundry washed in view of a few hundred yards of BP. HARRY, You married trash. Trash whose father is going to testify against her. Goodness sake Harry, didn’t you see this , or weren’t You briefed by the intelligence service about her family and sordid history.

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Jan 15

MM ANON …………… OUR BEAUTIFUL DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE …………… ONE DAY OUR GLORIOUS QUEEN ……………WELL DONE KATE , YOU ASTOUNDED THE CRITICS ……… ONLY ONE CLASSY DUCHESS. 👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

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Jan 15

MM ANON, MARKLE V MARKLE, won’t get to court, she will not Dare. She won’t bring the firm into disrepute. Unless she really wishes to harm the royal family and that’s a possibility. Will she permit her resentment for her father to drag her dirty washing through the royal courts of justice in the Stand. Is she that psychotic. Yes , I think she is, will Harry approve, I don’t think so.

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Jan 16

MM ANON,……… sea-plane PR. ……… where’s Harry?………… “ leaves 15million mansion visits poor shelter 🤣🤣🤣………… so broke,(woke)……… Paternal hurricane ……… Royal courts of Justice ……… “ write me a roll”………… “what Megan wants, Megan forgets”:……… Calipornia politics? ………… “she can be the new AOC” ……… she’ll campaign for Dems……… “OW ,tell all coming”. ……… negotiations,negotiations!!! …… W&K kill it !!!

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Jan 16

MM ANON,……… laugh and carry on……… isolation desperation ……… W&K leapfrog ……… not jaw jaw …… pseudo Trudeau ……… re-distribution …………” just scrapping by ,sausage” ……… LA NA. ……… gizza job……… ahhhhh’ the ubiquitous tape……… brotherly shove ………… “ the tour will proceed” ………… Diamond Dogs……… 🦂🦂🦂………… twice shy

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[thenocturnalworm]

There are 793 people advertising themselves on SpareRoom as looking for somewhere to rent in Bristol 😭😭 what the fuck... So looks like I'm up against biiig competition. Luckily I've got good profile-writing skills and have composed what I believe to be an appealing yet honest description of myself:

Hello fellow humans! I'm looking for a large unfurnished room to rent in a relaxed household within an area I've named Bruce (see map), hopefully somewhere I can call home for many years to come 😊 I'm in no desperate rush and can move in any time but will need to give a month's notice on my current tenancy, and I need access to a car parking space/permit and hopefully somewhere dry to keep my mountain bike (but not essential). I'm coming from a 1 bed flat in Exeter so could donate some furniture/kitchen bits and a few plants towards the house if needed 🌿💁‍♀️

About me - I'm *****, I'm 32 and I like bike rides, parks, pubs, gigs, 6music, comedy (so much comedy!), cool history/sciencey stuff, all things green, getting a bit lost on purpose, and when I'm feeling focused, reading books by Bill Bryson. I currently work from my desk at home in adult social care full time Mon-Fri but hoping to get a job as a clinical coder with the same working pattern. I value a peaceful home and wouldn't cope with noise during unsocial hours, but otherwise I'm super laid back/easygoing🤙 Would be ace to get involved in occasional weekend shenanigans and pub trips, but without any pressure to as I like to do my own thing sometimes, or I might just need to chill 😌 I take pride in my living spaces and am very clean and tidy, although I prefer a lived-in home and other people's mess doesn't stress me out 😎

Gizza shout if you have something suitable and I sound like a good fit ✌️

I'm not going to post it just yet as I think I need a bit more time to sort out my head first but perhaps in a month or so I'll put it up. When my hair has been sorted out and I feel less like a massive weirdo 🤦‍♀️

But still, 793, what the fuck... I doubt anyone looking to fill their room actually looks through them as it's hard to filter out the type of person you're looking for, but it's worth having a wanted advert up in case I message anybody and they want to see more pictures or info etc. I'm also going to post my advert on the Bristol Alternative Community Abodes page as that seems to get quite a lot of interest. Just need to get through this month and then fingers crossed 🤞🤞

[yestolerancepro]

Jigsaw Pieces: Gizza job! I can do that! Part 3

Introduction

In the final part  Gizza job I can do that Ben works for a call Centre called Electroville gets a few temporary jobs suffers a few disappointments while Gemma sets up a company called Jigsaw 

Part III: Ben’s Story – Electroville to the Present Day

 Electroville – frustration, pain, tears, and tips on how to write a good job application.

My PAT placement finished on 3 September 2003 and I was once again looking for full-time work. I saw an advert for an Administrative Officer at the Electronic Village Hall in Dewsbury, and although I did not get an interview,let alone the job, something funny happened. I got a phone call from Mrs Roberts, one of my old typing teachers at junior school. She now worked at the Village Hall and felt that I did not have enough experience for the post but she did say that the Village Hall was offering NVQs in Information Technology. So I went to Dewsbury for a short interview and a test, and it was felt that with my experience I should go for the NVQ Level III. In addition, to the qualification, there would be the added incentive of being paid £75 a month to help set up a Call Centre called Electroville, where we would offer clients teaching sessions on how to use computer packages. I liked going to Dewsbury; it was fun, athough the NVQ work was really hard to do, but I passed and that was the main thing. The Call Centre was good and my line manager Vihing Lee told me later that I was an inspiration to her because I always came to work with a smile!

While I was gaining my NVQ qualification, I applied for a job at Dewsbury Town Hall as an Information Officer. It all went very well. Initially, I was second choice for the post, but when the first choice dropped out, I was asked to provide my references. Unfortunately, both my preferred people had left Kirklees Council, so I came up with another two names, who I thought would help. Unfortunately, instead of getting the phone call to tell me when I would be starting work, I got a call that still haunts me to this day, to say that there was a problem with one of my references and that I would not be getting the job. I was heartbroken. The problem was that I had asked someone from the SSIP's team to provide a reference, but they refused, because they said I had only been with that team as a result of the fire access problem.

 This would be the first in a very long line of disappointments from the PAT course when applying for jobs. I learned about doing your research on the company, highlighting the job specification with the points you need to remember in the interview, taking notes in with you, and the sorts of questions they would ask.

For example, in every job interview there is at least one question on customer care; one on your past experience; one on what you can bring to the job; one on time management / setting priorities; and one on equal opportunities. If you prepare for these questions and answer them well, there is a good chance you will get the job.

If you have to do a typing test and you have a disability like me, then do not be afraid of asking for extra time and ask them what the test will involve.

There is usually a place on the the job application form where you can request special arrangements before hand always check as well when you get the interview that the arrangements you want are in place as I found out to my cost when doing an interview for NHS in Dewsbury my request for extra time had not been passed on to the interview panel so instead of getting the job I deserved I came second and lost out.

I also learned from writing so many job applications that a lot of the same questions come up time and again that I saved most, if not all, of my job applications to a memory stick should similar questions come up. I was so good at writing job applications that one year I got nine job interviews in a row, but I still did not get a job, which is a bit soul destroying.

They always say after the interview that you should ring up for feedback. I wrote the points down on a spreadsheet to remember for next time but this was not always the case. Many times, the conversation would go something like this: you gave a very good interview; we liked you a lot but you should have said/done xyz. In other words, the goalposts kept changing all the time or I would get rubbish feedback like your answers were too short or not long enough.

 Sometimes I would go to interviews and I would get the distinct impression that before I had even opened my mouth, the panel had already made their minds up and given the job to some else and that I was only there to make their equal opportunities figures look good. Is it any wonder that I gave up ringing for feedback because I felt it would not be worth it any more.

While I was still applying for jobs, money was getting low and I had to apply for Job Seeker's Allowance. As anybody who has been to the job centre knows, they are soulless and depressing places. Every two weeks up to a 13 week period, I had to go and say what I had been doing in order to get a job to get my money. I was on JSA for 3 years and I hated the pressure I was under all the time to find a job.

 Most of the people I saw during that 3-year period were very nice to me, but there was one lady who was not. Every fortnight I would see her and she would make mine and my Mum's life dreadful. Anyway the 13-week period was up and I was told by she who must be obeyed that in order to get my money, I had to go on this training course. Unfortunately, the course was in a building that was not wheelchair friendly. Well, you can imagine the scene when we told the woman that I could not attend the course because we could not enter the building. The woman threatened to take the money off me.

I saw another disability adviser, but she was not much help as she could only tell me what the job centre could do when I got a job, not how to get one! I spoke to Remploy representive about working for them. I filled out all the paper work, waited for 6 months and then was told by the job centre that this representative had left under dubious circumstances! When I did manage to go on one of the job centre's training courses with CMS Vocational Training, I did not find it very useful, as it taught me things I already knew, like writing CVs and job applications. What I really wanted to know about was changing employers' attitudes to people with disabilities, so that I could get into work. A future blog is planned that will look into lack of understanding by employers when employing disabled people.

It was ironic then that in my next job, I would be working for the job centre. Just two months after the CMS vocational course, I was invited to interview to work for the job centre as an Admin Assistant on a 6 month post. I did not get the job, but I had impressed them enough to be offered another job that would last three months. To say that I was over the moon was an understatement. The job was interesting and I enjoyed it. I did a good job and my line mangers there liked what I was doing; they even said that they would have liked to have kept me on, but due to rules regarding temporary workers they could not.

While I was working for the job centre, I was lucky enough to get another job. Right after my post with the job centre had finished, this was not a happy posting to say the least. I was working for Kirklees Adult Services as an Admin Assistant. I was told I was there to do data input work, but on my first day there I was told that this data input work had not materialised and that I would have to do typing work instead, which put me at a disadvantage. The staff were nice but I didn’t get on with my line manager. This was the first time anybody had complained about my work before and sadly, I was just glad to get out in the end. I did learn a lot about myself and what I really wanted in the world.

In conclusion, I have had mostly positive experiences in the work environment. I do a good job if people give me a chance, but my chances have been few and far between. I haven’t had a job now since 2008 I haven’t given up trying to find a job but to be honest my confidence has been shot it just not my top priority I got fed up of working really hard for no reward and got fed up of listening to the the same excuses you we liked you but and also having to move for the shifting goalposts also I find that the opportunities for me to get work are no longer there any-more the Tory government we have in power now seems to have it in for disabled people they say they have better schemes for disabled people like me to find work hence the shutting down of of the disability Job agencies Worklink in 2013 and Remploy in 2014

Also they seem to think that disabled People are not also lying about the disabilities they have and that we are money grabbers as well you only have to look at our twitter feed to see stories of disabled people who are not suitable for a job being forced to look for work as well as disabled people losing their independence because their PIP claims have been wrongly accessed The EU even says the how the British Government treats its disabled people is wrong and that it should be looked into

Part III: Gemma’s Story – How Jigsaw can help you

Jigsaw Enterprise Training now runs training to prepare people for work, and increase their confidence when filling in application forms, preparing for interviews and writing a CV. This is delivered in an interactive format to take account of different learning styles and abilities; it uses visual stimulus and discussion; and learners work in small groups so the task is easier to understand and is not overwhelming.

Tracy Jane Newsome-Spink had this to say about working with Gemma and Jigsaw’s work

‘It certainly helped me as when I met Gemma, I would not fill in any forms or applications. She showed me why we need to fill them in and in a different way, so I could manage them, as I have a learning difficulty. By having someone to help me by reading it and talking about what I am going to put and check my spelling, I can fill it in as quickly and as best I can.’

Thank You

There are many, many people who have been a massive help to me throughout my working life so far, but I would like to thank the following people for sticking with me, helping me out and being good friends, when I needed them.

James Smith, for leading the way at Shelley High.

John Laycock, for being honest.

Craig Wood, for coming up with and supporting Tolerance.

Jeremy Walker, for all his help with developing Tolerance.

Fran Wood, for being a really good friend through thick and thin.

Barry Coapwaite, Fiona Weir and Nina Stansfield, for supporting me.

Jazz Johal, for being my unofficial PA, whilst doing her own work as well! Jazz also helped me to persuade the powers that be that I needed a PA to help me out.

Linda Pape and Claire Read, for all the help you give me.

Vihing Lee, for being a pleasure to work with.

The Cast and Crew of the Tolerance film for getting me through that filming schedule and helping me and Gemma not get a nervous breakdown!!

Jigsaw Enterprise Training staff team, Tracey Jones, Tracy Jane Newsome-Spink and Ruth Sharpe

 And finally, my brother, Matthew Brown. And to my mum Susan Brown for posting the applications and getting me to the job interviews

Pictures

My Line Manager at Eclectroville Vihing Lee

Tracy Jane Newsome Spink and Gemma doing a Jigsaw Enterprise training session in Bradley Woods

Next week the start of a 3 part Tolerance Project extra .

If you have read this and want to help the Tolerance Project Please follow us on Facebook for up-dated information:  https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Tolerance-Project/288596187920965 

We need help in lots of ways, and if you can help us, however small, that would be great.

 If you want to find out more about the Tolerance Project or give us a small donation you can find our gofundme page by clicking here https://www.gofundme.com/gnk3ww  

[uss-edsall]

New Zealand Slang

I might not know them all, or I misremember them. Nonetheless, here’s a list from memory. A a into g: get going, arse into gear, as in ‘I’ve got to get my a into g’ anklebiter: small child arse over tit: head over heels Aotearoa: Maori name for New Zealand, it means the land of the long white cloud B beaut, beauty: splendid, terrific, as in 'beaut of a job you did’ bit of a dag: hard case, comedian bite your bum: go away, get lost boy-racer: young man who drives fast in a car with a loud stereo brassed off: disappointed, annoyed bugger off: go away, piss off C carked it: died chocka: choc-a-block, full, overflowing chocolate fish: chocolate covered marshmallow fish, frequently given or offered as a reward. chippie: potato chip couldn’t see the road to the dunny if it had red flags on it: said of somebody blind drunk or slow witted crash hot: excellent crikey dick: expression of surprise crook: sick, poorly, also to go crook at, meaning to be angry with, or to put someone crook, meaning to give someone bad advice cuz: cousin D dairy: corner store, the only shop allowed to open 365 days a year dear: expensive doodackie: thingamajig, or doodad, an object that you can’t think of a name for drop in it: get someone in trouble dunny: toilet E Eketahuna: doesn’t exist. It’s like saying 'timbuktu’ or 'shangri la’. F fizzy drink: soda pop flat stick or flat tack: full speed, as fast as possible fuckwit: idiot full tit: as much power as possible, “cmon! We need to go full tit!” G get off the grass: disbelief, 'stop pulling my leg’ gizza: give us a going bush: get away from it all, take a break, become reclusive good on ya, mate!: congratulations, well done good as gold: good job, not a problem guts for garters: in big trouble, as in 'I’ll have your guts for garters!’ H home and hosed: safe, completed successfully hoodackie: what you call someone when you cant think of their name hard yakka: hard work heaps: a lot of work to do how much would you charge to haunt a ten room house?: rhetorical question to suggest a person is ugly I if your brains were barbed wire you couldn’t fence a dunny: you are stupid J jandal: thongs, flip-flops K kai: food, from the Maori word for eating Kiwi: New Zealander M my arse is a red cabbage: ’ if he can do that, my arse is a red cabbage’ O Other Side: Australia P pack a sad: become morose, ill-humoured, broken or dead, as in 'the washing machine packed a sad’ pack a wobbly: get angry pakeha: non-Maori person pav: pavlova piece-of-piss: easy, as in 'that was a piece of piss’ piker: slacker, a person who gives up when things get difficult piss: any alcohol piss around: waste time, procrastinate piss awful: very unpleasant piss easy: very easy piss up large: large scale drinking of alcohol piss up: party, social gathering pissed: drunk, inebriated pissed off: angry, upset pissing down: raining heavily, pouring down prang: minor car accident, as in 'he was in a prang yesterday’ puckeroo: something that is buggered or broken Q quite nice: something you say when you want to be polite but can’t really think of anything to say, as in 'his tie is quite nice’; can also mean the opposite of the actual words: 'Your car is in quite nice condition’ R rattle your dags: get a move on, hurry up rellies: relatives, family root: to have sex rough as guts: unpolished T two sammies short of a picnic: brick short of a load, a bit thick or crazy S she’ll be right: everything will be OK, it’s not a problem shitheap: utter mess, as in 'your bedroom is a shitheap’ sickie: to take a day off, apparently sick smoko: break, rest period sook: silly or a scaredy cat, as in 'just a big sook’ suss: figure out, as in 'I’ve got it sussed’ T ta: thanks tata: goodbye tiki tour: scenic tour, roundabout way tin-arse, tinbum: lucky person togs: swimsuit, speedos two-thirds of five-eighths of fuck all: very little U up shit creak in leaky gumboots: in trouble, variant of up shit creek without a paddle up the boohai shooting pukekos with a long handled shovel: none of your business, used kind of like “up your butt and around the corner” W Waikikamukau: pronounced 'why kick a moo cow’, its basically so remote it makes Eketahuna look like the capital of the USA were you born in a tent?: sarcastic question asked of somebody who has left a door open what’s that got to do with the price of fish?: challenging the relevance of some remark whinge: complain wobbly: tantrum, as in 'he threw a wobbly when he heard that’ wop-wops: out of the way location wouldn’t know shit from clay: naive or stupid person wouldn’t know them from a bar of soap: I do not know this person Y yonks: a long time, ages, as in 'haven’t seen him in yonks’ yack: conversation between friends, natter you ain’t wrong: you’re right you get that: resigned acceptance you make a better door than a window: said to somebody standing in the way, perhaps in front of the TV you think you’re a flowerpot because you’ve got a hole in your bum: you love yourself

[candy-floss-crazy]

The large corporate clients we have, tend to have very little loyalty. If you can't do precisely what they want, they have no qualms about dropping you and using the next events company on their list. Over time this has given us the mindset of Yosser Hughes in boys from the black stuff. He was desperate for a job and any job that popped up he would proclaim "gizza job, I can do that." Anytime a major client asks if we can do something the answer is always "Of course, been doing that for years, piece of cake". Once we get off the phone it then becomes, "How the hell are we going to do this?" Espresso Coffee Cart My wife walked into the office one Monday morning, and picked up an email printed out on my desk. It was the contract for providing an espresso coffee cart to HSBC's headquarters for an event on the Wednesday, two days hence. She looked at me inquiringly and asked "Who is doing that job for us?" "No one, we are doing it ourselves" She raised an eyebrow and replied "We don't have an effing espresso coffee cart!" "Ha", says I, "Not a problem, Ian is out building the cart now, the coffee machine and equipment is being delivered in the morning, and I am on a Barista training course tomorrow evening" On the day the first customer was like, "A cappuccino, two lattes, an espresso and a Machiato please". WTF, help, I can't do this. When I had calmed down, I realised that every drink started with an espresso, you just added different amounts of steamed milk and foam. They wanted 5 drinks, you made 5 espressos, steamed a large jug of milk, then poured to suit. Easy peasy. In fact they were so impressed that they had us back on a number of occasions. The espresso cart is now a firm favourite amongst many of our staff. Sony And Nissan Walk Into A Bar A couple of years later I got a call from a long term client, an events company we worked with quite often. "Jason, do you do mobile bars, we have a massive job on offer from Sony and Nissan, they need a bar to celebrate the end of a worldwide competition they have been running.", basically players on the Sony GT racing game could compete to win a place on the actual Nissan racing driver development program. "Yep, we can do that, when is it?" Lol, "A week today", gulp. "Er yeh no problem". When I told my wife she said that this time I was on my own, she wasn't coming to that event as I was going to fall flat on my face in front of a major corporate client. I spent the day feverishly ordering equipment we would need. Luckily a mate of mine Dean, owned a local pub, and he wrote me a list of what I needed. We sourced a company that supplied portable bar sections and set off the next morning to collect them. I took my staff down to Dean's pub to treat them to a night out, on the condition that Dean let them pull their own pints. And we managed to hire a kid that had worked in a cocktail bar, so we had at least one member of staff who had some idea of what he was doing. Our New Bar On the day everything went off perfectly. Well almost, I had ran water through the Jagermeister dispenser to clean it, and hadn't gotten all of it out, with the result that it froze solid and wouldn't dispense. But apart from that it was a fabulous night. Especially when Sabine Schmitz on a segway managed to run Martin Brundle over lol, what a booze monster she was. By the nights end she was demanding we just pour whatever shots were left into a glass and she would drink that. After that one I think we can safely borrow the S.A.S. motto of "Who Dares Wins". Since then we have successfully acquired various bits of kit at short notice, crepe machines, Dutch Poffertjes and with a couple hours practice managed to provide a professional service, looking like we had done it all of our lives. Corporate clients want the impossible, we are happy to oblige. Read the full article

[fortheheavenssake]

PG MM Anon Interpretation Collection - 25

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

171: Jan 16

MM ANON,……… laugh and carry on……… isolation desperation ……… W&K leapfrog ……… not jaw jaw …… pseudo Trudeau ……… re-distribution …………” just scrapping by ,sausage” ……… LA NA. ……… gizza job……… ahhhhh’ the ubiquitous tape……… brotherly shove ………… “ the tour will proceed” ………… Diamond Dogs……… 🦂🦂🦂………… twice shy

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

RIDDLE #171

January 16/2020

1835 hrs CST

laugh and carry on

THE ROYAL FAMILY MOTTO HAS BEEN KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. LIKE A DUCK SERENELY FLOATING ON THE WATER, BUT UNDERNEATH ITS PADDLING LIKE MAD. NOW WITH ALL OF MADAM’S MACHINATIONS AND PHOTOSHOPPING GAMES ONGOING, BESIDES EXPLODING WITH ANGER OR BREAKING DOWN IN TEARS, LAUGHING IS THE BEST RESPONSE. SHE! HATES!🤬🤬🤬🤬BEING! LAUGHED!AT! THERE IS NOTHING MORE A TRUE NARCISSIST LOATHES IS NOT BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND LAUGHED AT. SO PLEASE KEEP THE FUNNY POSTS AND SUBMISSIONS COMING. WE MUST CARRY ON WITH OUR LIVES. IF YOU FEEL CONSUMED STEP AWAY BECAUSE THAT IS GIVING HER YET ANOTHER VICTIM. LAUGH AT HER!

isolation desperation

MADAM HAS GOTTEN EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED, ALMOST. SHE WANTS PERMANENTLY RID OF ANY ROYAL DUTIES BUT STATES WANTS FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣SHE HAS NEVER HAD THIS HER WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT USING OTHERS OR USING HER BODY FOR MONEY. IT PHYSICALLY SICKENED ME TO SEE HER , A DECLARED FEMINIST, BE SO MISOGYNISTIC AND USE WOMENS SHELTERS OR AT RISK WOMEN CENTRES FOR HER OWN PR AND MERCHING REASONS. GOD SEES YOU RACHEL, HE KNOW THE BLACKNESS IN YOUR SOUL, I SAID I WAS NOT GOING TO PLEAD WITH YOU TO REACH OUT TO GOD BUT I DO , REACH OUT AND RID YOURSELF OF IT! SHE IS SO DESPERATE TO REMAIN RELEVANT AND IN THE TABLOIDS SHE IS DOING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, ALL THE WHILE MERCHING AND USING VULNERABLE CANADIAN WOMEN. PEOPLE ARE LIVID!

W&K leapfrog

LEAPFROG IS A SET OF ELECTRONIC INTERACTIVE CHILDRENS BOOKS AND TOYS, EXTREMELY LEARNING BASED AND POPULAR. I THINK THEY USED THE NAME FROM THE OLD CHILDREN’S GAME OF LEAPFROG,WHERE YOU CROUCH AND HOP OVER THE PERSON CROUCHED AHEAD OF YOU. IT WAS GREAT FUN. USING THE JUMP OVER EFFECT, THEY HAVE LEAPFROGGED OVER MADAM IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. I THINK THERE IS AN INSTAGRAM GAME, I JUST CHECKED AS OF RIGHT NOW THE SUSSEXES HAVE 10.8 MILLION FOLLOWERS AND THE CAMBRIDGES, DRUMROLL PLEASE HAVE 10.9 MILLION.FOLLOWERS. THEY HAVE LEAPFROGGED OVER. WITH A NORTH AMERICAN ROYAL TOUR WITH THE CHILDREN, THAT WILL EXPLODE!!! RIBBIT RIBBIT 🐸 🐸 🐸 🐸 🐸 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣

not jaw jaw

JAW JAW, SEEING THAT REMINDS ME OF THE MUCH MALIGNED JAR JAR BINKS CHARACTER IN STAR WARS. ANNOYING AT FIRST I GREW TO KIND OF LIKING HIM. SERIOUSLY JAW JAW MEANS TO YAMMER ON TALK AT LENGTH , LONG WINDED, POLITICIANS FOR EXAMPLE. THE BARD, “FULL OF SOUND AND FURY SIGNIFYING NOTHING” OF INTEREST, I FOUND THIS QUOTE, YOU KNOW ME YOU GET DINNER AND A SHOW WITH EACH INTERPRETATION 🤣🤣😂😂😂

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. ATTRIBUTION: WINSTON CHURCHILL, remarks at a White House luncheon, June 26, 1954. His exact words are not known, because the meetings and the luncheon that day were closed to reporters, but above is the commonly cited version.

SO HMTQ IN HER BRILLIANCE, DESPITE ALL IN FLAMES ABOUT HER, USING PEACEFUL MEASURE STEALTHILY AS WE HAVE SEEN THIS WEEK. MADAM NATTERS ON AND ON, HMTQ SAYS LITTLE BUT OH HOW POWERFUL THE CHOICE OF THOSE WORDS WERE. WELL DONE YOUR MAJESTY.

pseudo Trudeau

OUR PM , FOR ALL HIS FAULTS, IS LOVED BY MILLIONS WHO LOVE HIS FATHER THE SAME DESPITE HIS. PSEUDO IS FALSE. IS OUR PM AND CREW APPEARING TO GO ALONG WITH ALL THIS AT THE REQUEST ON HMTQ AND TO EMBARGO OR NOT BE PUBLIC ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE USUAL POLITE CANADIAN STYLE!! HE AND SOPHIE ARE OUR POWER COUPLE AND MADAM HAS WORMED HER OR SOMETHING ELSED HER WAY TO THE HIGHEST ECHELONS OF CANADIAN SOCIETY.

re-distribution

DOES THIS REFER TO HER PATRONAGES AND CHARITIES BEING SPREAD OUT, REDISTRIBUTED AMONGST THE OTHER SENIOR ROUALS, I AM CERTAIN AS SHE HAS VOICED HER WISH TO NOT LIVE OR WORK, 😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣, WORK IN THE U.K. I AM CERTAIN THERE IS A GRAND PARTY AMONGST THE THEATRE COMMUNITY OVER BEING RID OF HER AS THEIR PATRON.

just scrapping by ,sausage”

I KNOW SAUSAGE IS PP PET NAME FOR HMTQ BUT I KNOW THIS IS NOT HMTQ JUST SCRAPING BY. IT IS AN INSULT TO MADAM, LIKELY BY PP, TO HER BEING BROKE AND HAVING TO MERCH AND HEAVEN KNOWS IF SHE HAS ACSUGAR DADDY GIVING HER MONEY.

LA NA.

LA IS LOS ANGELES NA IS NOPE. SO SHORT AND SWEET, NO LA FOR NOW!

gizza job

IN THE UK AND SCOTLAND EVERYTHING AND NAMES ESP WERE CHANGED TO A Z SOUND. EXAMPLE MY FRIEND KAREN WAS CALLED KAZ, HARRY HAS BEEN CALLED HAZZA YOU GET IT. GIZZA MEANS GIVE US A JOB, MEANING MADAM NEEDS MONEY AND SHE NEEDS A WAY TO GET A LOT IF IT. SHE IS COMPLETELY UNQUALIFIED FOR ANY WORK SO LETS NOT THINK FURTHER HOW SHE WILL GET WHAT SHE WANTS.

ahhhhh’ the ubiquitous tape

THIS HAS ARISEN AGAIN, ITS BEEN TALKED SBOUT SO MUCH AT ONE POINT WILL IT BE MADE PUBLIC? I AM CERTAIN IT WILL BE WHEN IT CAN DO MAXIMUM DAMAGE TO MADAM AND MINIMUM FOR TO CROWN IF IT IS EVER RELEASED.

brotherly shove

IS WILLIAM GIVING HARRY A SHOT IN THE ARM SO TO SPEAK? HELPING HIM WITH THIS LONG TERM PLAN AND DELAYING HIS LEAVING WITH CONTINUED PUBLIC ENGAGEMENTS? I AM ASSUMING BEHIND THE SCENES THERE IS A LIT IF BROTHERLY COMMUNICATION GOING ON.

“ the tour will proceed”

THE OFFICIAL GO AHEAD FOR THE CAMBRIDGES TO TOUR CANADA! MARVELLOUS!! THIS IS SO EXCITING, I WONDER IF THEY WILL STOP BY MINE??😁😁😁😁 I ALSO WONDER IF AMERICA IS INCLUDED?

Diamond Dogs

KNOWING MM ANONS LOVE FOR HIM I HAVE NO DOUBT SHE IS REFERRING TO WIKI

Diamond Dogs is the eighth studio album by the English musician David Bowie, released on 24 May 1974 by RCA Records. Thematically, it was a marriage of the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell and Bowie’s own glam-tinged vision of a post-apocalyptic world. Bowie had wanted to make a theatrical production of Orwell’s book and began writing material after completing sessions for his 1973 album Pin Ups, but the author’s estate denied the rights.[2] The songs wound up on the second half of Diamond Dogs instead where, as the titles indicated, the Nineteen Eighty-Four theme was prominent. End wiki. SORRY KIDS IT SAVES MY HANDS TYPING.

SO EYES ARE ON MADAM 24/7/366 AS THIS IS LEAP YEAR. GIVEN THE CIRCLES SHE TRAVELLED IN, IN THE MISSING YEARS , CANADA AND MARRIED INTO, I HAVE NO DOUBT SHE IS ON THE RADAR OF THE FIVE EYES AND MI6. SHE REPRESENTS A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER TO THE MONARCHY, ALONG WITH ALL IF HER BACKERS!

🦂🦂���

Lobster 🦞 is this, lobsters mate for life. These are 🦂 scorpions, three of them. SCORPION STINGS ARE EXTREMELY PAINFUL AND TOXIC. HERE WE HAVE THREE SCORPIONS POISED AND READY TO ATTACK, WHO DO THEY REPRESENT?

THE MOS/DAILY MAILY LAWSUIT IS 🦂 NUMBER ONE. TM, DADDY DEAREST IS 🦂 NUMBER TWO. THE COURT JUSTICES, LUMPED TOGETHER ARE 🦂 NUMBER THREE. THEY ARE CLOSE TO THE PATERNITY DECISION AND ANNULMENT OR DIVORCE. I TRULY BELIEVE SOMETHING HAPPENED AT CABADA HOUSE TO MAKE HER SWEET AND ILLICIT THAT SMILE AND THIMBS UP FROM HARRY!!

twice shy

HERE WE HAVE TWICE SHY AGAIN, I WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY EXPLANATION JUST A FEW DAYS AGO I THINK. HARRY COMING TO CANADA IS BEING DELAYED BY TODAYS RUGBY AND NEXT WEEK HE HAS HIS ROYAL DUTIES. SO HE WAS BITTEN NOW TWICE SHY TO RETURN TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR MADAM.

1950 hrs CST. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Fantastic! Thank you PG! We so appreciate this! Sounds good!😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

—————-

172: waiting for MM anon....

[yestolerancepro]

Jigsaw Pieces: Gizza job! I can do that! Part 2

Introduction

In this second part of Gizza Job Ben’s Story continues after leaving school Ben starts making tentative steps towards the world of work the Tolerance Group is born and Ben begins Voluntary work and gets his first proper job thanks to something called PAT plus Gemma starts Volunteering herself..

Part II: Ben’s Story – Tolerance and PAT

  If I have got my sums right 'Tolerance' came into my life round about time I was still at Shelley High School. It was created out of one of the summer school play schemes that Kirklees used to run. We had such a good time one year that this particular group wanted to see more of each other to socialise and do other projects.With the help of one of the play Scheme orgarnisors called Craig Wood he suggested we get Together as a youth group.

We began as a small group of people, calling ourselves the Deighton Group. As the local PHAB group was shutting down, the group got a lot bigger and we changed our name to 'Tolerance'. It was Craig I think who came up with the name we began appearing in local media and were becoming more well known, a local development officer who was called Jeremy Walker organised us into a fully-functioning group. I was asked to be co-ordinator, a job which I did for 7 years. Gemma Blagbrough was my second-in-command and transport secretary. With the help of the local development officer, we applied for funding for a variety of projects. As co-ordinator for the group I found myself doing a lot of the admin work, filling out funding forms, writing newsletters, doing radio and newspaper interviews, and going to various meetings to ask for money to get projects started.

As a group we were also asked for our input on various Kirklees projects, including: helping set up a summer play scheme called SAFE (Something Artistic for Everyone); being a member of the Single Regeneration funding bid team; and being a member of the DRN (Disability Rights Network) Executive Committee which helped run the group and organise their yearly Day of the Disabled event.

 Two of the main projects that we secured funding for were the Tolerance video, which this blog helps to celebrate, and a team-building event at Dukes Barn. Pictures of which you can also find on this blog .

When working on the video myself and Gemma Blagbrough did some work experience at the Eclipse Productions office doing the pre production and post production work on the Tolerance film, which was organised for us by Worklink.

What was Richard Hellawell like to work with ? I did learn a lot from him on the film and production side but to be honest I found him to be a very hard task master mainly because we had different working styles and we didn’t gel as a team very well but Richard also showed me the type of boss I wanted to be looking back on the Tolerance film period the bits I remember best are the wonderful cast and crew that we had on that film I have looked at the film quite a lot recently writing the various blogs and Richard did an excellent professional job Did I make a good boss you will have to ask someone like Claire Read my third PA I hope I provided a happy working experience for her I liked Claire a lot she worked hard for me mostly doing the boring stuff like paperwork opening and closing doors writing notes and helping me do my stuff during training courses we also had a good laugh as well we become and still are good freinds she lives and Newcastle now and I miss her

 All this work with the Tolerance Group was very useful in getting me my first job..

PAT - not my girlfriend, but the Positive Action Training scheme

While I was still with Tolerance I was offered a placement working with the Local PCT (Primary Care Trust), working on their newsletter. My Mum and I had a discussion about the possibility of finding paid work, but it was not an easy task. I had thought about it, but I had to consider who would pay my transport costs, plus any building I would work in, would have to be disabled friendly, and the work place would have to be a short distance from home.* In addition, I had never written a CV or a job application in my life before and my handwriting was not very legible.

My Mum had spotted an advert for a job in the paper with the council. It was for a scheme by the name of PAT (Positive Action Training) and she thought I should apply for it. I was nervous to say the least, but I made an appointment with Worklink, who helped people with disabilities to find work. I explained to them about my handwriting, but they told me that I could word process my job application and my CV, so my handwriting should not be an issue. It was that simple; problem solved.

My Mum helped me to put together my first job application for the role of a Funding Officer and to my surprise I got an interview! I did not get the job in the end, but it was a good experience. Another PAT job came up again some weeks later and I decided to give it another go. This one was for a Clerical Officer at the Carer’s Gateway/Working in Partnership Team and using the same job application and CV, I got another job interview.

As part of the interview I had to do typing test, answer the phone, and answer some questions. It was at the interview that I met someone, who has become a good friend to me. Hello Fran Wood if your reading this. She took me through the typing test and put me at my ease. With the typing test done, I had to answer the phone to somebody who wanted their transport sorting out. I found this quite straightforward, as I had done this many times with Tolerance. Finally, it was the questions and after a few nervous moments at the start, I soon settled into my stride. I know this is a funny thing to say, but as soon as a left the room I knew I had got the job and two days later this was confirmed with a phone call. A couple of weeks went by before I started as I had to sign a contract and meet my new employers to discuss reasonable adjustments. I also wrote to the PCT thanking them for their offer of a work placement, but that I unfortunately would not be able to take it up.

I started my paid work placement with PAT on the 3 September 2001. The first thing I did was a short induction course with my fellow trainees, who were a very nice bunch of people and I saw a lot of them over the next year. A week later I went to my first Carers seminar, where I was introduced to my first of many line managers. The original plan for my placement was that I would split my time between the Working in Partnership team and the Carers Gateway, but it did not work out like that. Instead, I started working for the lady, who had taken me through the typing test at my interview, doing all sorts of jobs which I really enjoyed. These included: sorting out transport and care cover; sorting our catering for a range of events; sorting out the Gateway database; dealing with members of the public, both face-to-face and over the phone; as well as sending out Gateway newsletters and carers packs.

I liked working with Fran and she trusted me to do things by myself and to stretch myself  to get out of my comfort zone and learn different things. We also used to chat a lot and have a good laugh. Once we thought someone had a left a suspicious package outside of the building, so we rang the police. While we waited for them to arrive, we hid behind a door, looking at this package. It turned out that it wasn’t a bomb at all; just a bag of clothes that someone had left behind. We laughed a lot about that and other things, and when Fran left Gateway for another job, things were never the same. I got another line manager and I felt I was not trusted as much. I felt that I did not do as many interesting things and I was quietly moved upstairs, spending most of my time with the Working in Partnership team, although I was asked to help out with the Gateway phones when they were short staffed.

I enjoyed my time with the Working in Partnership team as well, and I had two good bosses, Fiona Weir and Barry Copplewaite whom I both liked and whom both supported me very well I enjoyed doing the Kirklees website consultations, handing out publicity materials, and writing reports. During my time in this team, they decided they wanted to retrain me as a Development Officer. My week was once again split between the Working in Partnership team and the Social Service information point in Huddersfield, where I learned about customer care. I also got a pay rise.

It was during this time that the most stressful part of my placement occurred, because the firemen decided to go out on strike. I had to use a lift to get to my place of work, but if there was a fire I would be trapped upstairs. A fire officer came to see

me and asked me some questions about what I would do in the event of fire. A report was written, which Kirklees or someone in management did not like, and arguments were going on behind my back about me. The stress of all this was getting to me. First of all I was moved downstairs to the Carers Gateway office, doing work for the Working in Partnership team, but I was miserable and then I was moved to the SSIP (Social Services Information Point) in Huddersfield until the fire problem was sorted out. Unfortunately, this would later come back to haunt me, but more of that later.

While I was at the Information Point, I made myself useful by providing help and advice to the public on: the Blue Badge scheme; certain benefits; and the Kirklees Passport Scheme; as well as running the Shopmobility Service; giving payments to clients who needed essentials like food/gas/electricity; faxing and photocopying referrals to the different care teams; and dealing with phone calls from the public.

When the escape issue was sorted out I moved back to the Working in Partnership team and back to my normal work routine, although I had another line manger Nina Stansfield who again I liked a lot By now I was coming to the last 6 months of my training now and my PA Claire Read and I had to attend sessions on how to apply for jobs when the placement ended. I had already started to apply for new jobs, including one with the Information Point, and a couple through the councils redeployment unit, but to no avail. Little did I know then what a hard slog getting a new job would prove to be.

* Kirklees Council now offers a grant called Access to Work from the Department of Work and Pensions, which can pay for a disabled persons transport costs and for any reasonable adjustments. You can find out about the grant here: https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work/overview

Part II: Gemma’s Story – Volunteering

Tolerance was one of my first experiences of volunteering, and people soon noticed how bossy I was and used it to their advantage. Volunteering in Tolerance definitely helped me to gain employment, and created some lasting friendships. I continued with volunteering when I was in employment, both with Tolerance and other organisations. Now I run Jigsaw Enterprise Training and I encourage others to do the same, even hosting volunteer market places to link people up to suitable volunteering opportunities. I even gained a Gold Award for Community and Volunteering from Millennium Volunteers. Volunteering is good for your CV, helps you to be more positive, increases confidence and independence, and helps you to gain skills and experience in different vocations and career areas.

My job within Tolerance, as well as being a committee member, was as transport co-ordinator, which meant organising transport for our many adventures, some of which, were more problematic than others.

Jigsaw Enterprise Training is currently seeking funding for various different projects, which will be recruiting volunteers. For more information, please feel free to contact us.

Coming soon the final part of this epic blog  Ben works for a call Centre called Electroville gets a few temporary jobs suffers a few disappointments while Gemma sets up a company called Jigsaw

Pictures

1. my film Director and me Richard Hellawell shooting the Tolerance film I wish there was more pictures of me in the behind the scenes shots that Rob Martin took but I only appear in 2 of them. 

2 and 3 Two of my Line Managers from the PAT Scheme I had quite a few but these 2 were 2 of the best Fran Wood now in Happy retirement even supported me when she left the carers gateway with Job Applications and loads of other things Fiona Weir Pictured with her dog Ruby

4) My third PA Claire Read pictured with her cousin Michelle Forsyth  

 Thank you to Fran Wood Fiona Wier Rob Martin and Claire Read for letting me use their pictures

If you want to give a small donation please click on the link to our Gofundme page

https://www.gofundme.com/gnk3ww or Follow us on Twitter look for @TolerancePro

[candy-floss-crazy]

Yes We Can Do That, (How I Have No Idea)

The large corporate clients we have, tend to have very little loyalty. If you can't do precisely what they want, they have no qualms about dropping you and using the next events company on their list. Over time this has given us the mindset of Yosser Hughes in boys from the black stuff. He was desperate for a job and any job that popped up he would proclaim "gizza job, I can do that." Anytime a major client asks if we can do something the answer is always "Of course, been doing that for years, piece of cake". Once we get off the phone it then becomes, "How the hell are we going to do this?" Espresso Coffee Cart My wife walked into the office one Monday morning, and picked up an email printed out on my desk. It was the contract for providing an espresso coffee cart to HSBC's headquarters for an event on the Wednesday, two days hence. She looked at me inquiringly and asked "Who is doing that job for us?" "No one, we are doing it ourselves" She raised an eyebrow and replied "We don't have an effing espresso coffee cart!" "Ha", says I, "Not a problem, Ian is out building the cart now, the coffee machine and equipment is being delivered in the morning, and I am on a Barista training course tomorrow evening" On the day the first customer was like, "A cappuccino, two lattes, an espresso and a Machiato please". WTF, help, I can't do this. When I had calmed down, I realised that every drink started with an espresso, you just added different amounts of steamed milk and foam. #catering Read the full article

[candy-floss-crazy]

Yes We Can Do That, (How I Have No Idea)

The large corporate clients we have, tend to have very little loyalty. If you can’t do precisely what they want, they have no qualms about dropping using and using the next events company on their list.

Over time this has given us the mindset of Yosser Hughes in boys from the black stuff. He was desperate for a job and any job that popped up he would proclaim “gizza job, I can do that.” Anytime a mojor client asks if we can do something the answer is always “Of course, been doing that for years, piece of cake”. Once we get off the phone it then becomes, “How the hell are we going to do this?”

Espresso Coffee Cart

My wife walked into the office one Monday morning, and picked up an email printed out on my desk. It was the contract for provided an espresso coffee cart to HSBC’s headquarters for an event on the Wednesday, two days hence.

She looked at me inquiringly and asked “Who is doing that job for us?”

“No one, we are doing it ourselves”

She raised an eyebrow and replied “We don’t have an effing espresso coffee cart!”

“Ha”, says I, “Not a problem, Ian is out building the cart now, the coffee machine and equipment is being delivered in the morning, and I am on a Barista training course tomorrow evening”

On the day the first customer was like, “A cappuccino, two lattes, an espresso and a Machiato please”. WTF, help, I can’t do this.

When I had calmed down, I realised that every drink started with an espresso, you just added different amounts of steamed milk and foam. They wanted 5 drinks, you made 5 espressos, steamed a large jug of milk, then poured to suit. Easy peasy. In fact they were so impressed that they had us back on a number of occasions. The espresso cart is now a firm favourite amongst many of our staff.

Espresso Cart For All, That’s What We Say

Sony And Nissan Walk Into A Bar

A couple of years later I got a call from a long term client, an events company we worked with quite often. “Jason, do you do mobile bars, we have a massive job on offer from Sony and Nissan, they need a bar to celebrate the end of a worldwide competition they have been running.”, basically players on the Sony GT racing game could compete to win a place on the actual Nissan racing driver development program.

“Yep, we can do that, when is it?”

Lol, “A week today”, gulp. “Er yeh no problem”.

When I told my wife she said that this time I was on my own, she wasn’t coming to that event as I was going to fall flat on my face.

I spent the day feverishly ordering equipment we would need. Luckily a mate of mine Dean, owned a local pub, and he wrote me a list of what I needed. We sourced a company that supplied portable bar sections and set off the next morning to collect them. I took my staff down to Dean’s pub and treat them to a night out, on the condition that Dean let them pull their own pints. And we managed to hire a kid that had worked in a cocktail bar, so we had at least one member of staff who had some idea of what he was doing.

Our New Bar

Our New Bar Up And Running

On the day everything went off perfectly. Well almost, I had ran water through the Jagermeister dispenser to clean it, and hadn’t gotten all of it out, with the result that it froze solid and wouldn’t dispense. But apart from that it was a fabulous night. Especially when Sabine Schmitz on a segway managed to run Martin Brundle over lol, what a booze monster she was. By the nights end she was demanding we just pour whatever shots were left into a glass and she would drink that.

After that one I think we can safely borrow the S.A.S. motto of “Who Dares Wins”.

Since then we have successfully acquired various bits of kit at short notice, crepe machines, Dutch Poffertjes and with a couple hours practice managed to provide a professional service, looking like we had done it all of our lives.

Yes We Can Do That, (How I Have No Idea) was originally published on Candy Floss Crazy Blog