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yutagfr · 4 months ago

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Can you do one where bakugo is a first time dad? 😭 and he doesn't know what to do please!

A/n: uh It was kinda difficult at first but I hope you enjoy, it's also really short.

"The monster gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here"

The dim glow of the nightlight cast an eerie light on the bedroom, illuminating the exhausted faces of Bakugo and You as you lay in bed. The air was thick with the scent of sleep, and the only sound was the gentle hum of the city outside their window.

As you both lay in bed, Bakugou's snores were interrupted by a loud wail. He fluttered his eyes open, his gaze snapping into focus as he noticed you were awake. "What's wrong?" he growled, his voice rough from sleep.

Your expression was tired, but a hint of amusement danced in your eyes. "The baby needs feeding," You whispered.

Bakugo groaned, throwing back his head against the pillow. "Great. Just what I needed. A middle-of-the-night wake-up call."

You sat up, rubbing your temples. "You're on duty tonight, Kacchan."

Bakugo's eyes narrowed as he fixed his eyes on you. "I thought we had a system. I'm not exactly a morning person."

You handed him a diaper bag slung over your shoulder. "We did have a system, but you forgot, didn't you?"

His jaw clenched in frustration. "I'm not exactly known for my memory, okay? But that's not the point."

You raised an eyebrow and rolled your eyes. "What's your point?"

"My point is that I'm not exactly thrilled about being woken up in the middle of the night to deal with a screaming brat," Bakugo snarled, flinging off the covers.

You sighed, getting out of bed as well "I know it's not ideal, but someone has to do it."

The baby's wails grew louder, and your patience wore thinner. "Fine," Bakugou muttered, throwing off the covers and stumbling out of bed. "I'll go take care of him."

Bakugou followed you to the nursery, still grumbling under his breath. As you reached the crib, he peered down at the tiny human wailing in front of him.

"What do I do now?" he demanded, the diaper bag hanging off his shoulders.

You handed him a bottle and a pacifier. "Just...try to calm him down and feed him."

Bakugou scowled at the unfamiliar equipment. "This is ridiculous. Can't we just use...I don't know...magic or something?"

You flicked on the lights to the babies room. "It doesn't work that way, Kacchan."

Bakugou huffed and tried to take the bottle from your hand, but ended up dropping it instead.

"Great," he muttered under his breath. "Just perfect."

You patted him on the back, feeling bad but you knew he had to learn today or never.

Bakugou glared after you before turning back to the baby. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on calming down the tiny human in front of him.

He stood there, feeling like a complete failure, as he stared at the wailing baby. He let out a deep breath and tried to compose himself. This wasn't exactly the first time he'd been in this situation, but it still didn't make it any easier.

He picked up the baby and tried to rock him gently, but his awkwardness was evident. The baby's wails only grew louder, and Bakugou's scowl deepened. "Come on, kid, calm down already!"

You had given him a pacifier, which he held out to the baby with a scowl. "Here, shut it up already," he muttered.

To his surprise, the baby quieted down slightly, and Bakugou felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe this parenting thing wasn't going to be a total disaster after all.

The baby's tiny fists waved in the air, and Bakugou winced as one of them accidentally poked him in the chest.

You chuckled from behind him. "Maybe try rocking him?"

As he stumbled around the room, trying to find a comfortable spot to rock the baby, Bakugou's clumsiness only seemed to get worse. He stumbled over his own feet.

You burst out laughing at the sight of him stumbling around like a newborn giraffe. "Kats, maybe you should try sitting down?" You suggested.

Bakugou glared at you. "I don't need your help! I'm a professional...or at least, I will be once I figure out how to hold this brat with without dropping him."

You chuckled and handed him a pillow from the couch. "Try sitting down with him on your lap.

Bakugou grudgingly nodded and sat down in the rocking chair beside the crib. He awkwardly began to rock the baby back and forth, trying to find a rhythm that would soothe him.

The baby immediately quieted down, gazing up at him with big, round eyes.

Bakugou struggled to find a comfortable position. His arms ached from holding the baby upright, and his back hurt from trying to sit up straight. But he refused to give up.

As he rocked the baby, Bakugou couldn't help but think about how tiny and fragile this little human was. He was used to dealing with explosions and Quirks, not delicate babies.

But as he continued to rock, something strange happened. The baby's wails began to slow down, and eventually he quieted down altogether. Bakugou's eyes widened in surprise as he looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms.

Whoa, did I actually do it?

He felt a sense of pride and accomplishment wash over him, and for a moment, he forgot all about his grumpiness. He gently swayed back and forth in the rocking chair, feeling the baby's soft breath on his chest.

As he sat there, something unexpected happened. He started to relax. His tense muscles eased up, and his breathing slowed. For the first time in his life, he felt...calm.

And before he knew it, his own eyelids grew heavy. The last thing he remembered was feeling the baby's soft head against his shoulder before everything went dark.

"Maybe this whole thing isn't shitty after all."

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy.

#mha #fluff #mha fluff #mha x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugou fluff #bakugou katsuki

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gyustarzzi · 1 year ago

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ateez reacts to accidentally hurting you

☆ hongjoong

accidentally hits you with the door

you were in your room on your phone and saw something interesting that you wanted to show hongjoong

just as you were at the door you dropped your phone

you bend over to pick it up and the minute you lifted your head hongjoong opened the door and bumped it into your head

instantly worries about you

rubs your head and watches the video you wanted to show him

would give you a hug

" Omg! Star I'm so sorry!! "

★ seonghwa

drops something on your head

you and seonghwa were making pancakes

seonghwa was behind you while your were trying to reach for the pancake powder

seonghwa reached up to grab the pancake powder and suddenly drops it on your head

you would cry out in pain

he spins you around checking your scalp for any bruises

kisses your forehead and apologizes

in the end you guys make some amazing pancakes shaped as hearts

" I'm so sorry, I lost my grip "

☆ yunho

punches you in the face

you and yunho were trying to see who would flinch first and whoever lost would have to do a dare

yunho was trying to make you flinch by almost punching you but getting closer to your face each time - suddenly punches you in the face

would check you nose to make sure it's not bleeding

apologies 45478 times

would let you finger flick him on the forehead

" Are you bleeding? Let me see "

★ yeosang

bumps into you (HARD)

you and the guys were playing tag at the beach

yeosang was being chasing by wooyoung who was it

suddenly runs into you and sends you flying in the air LITERALLY

the members would be so worried since you were crying

you probably had like two bruises and a sore ass

would not stop apolozing and would take you to get a bunch of snacks

" Omg Angel!! Are you okay?! "

☆ san

he dropped you while carrying you bridal style

you guys were at the amusement park and san had the brilliant idea to carry you in front of everyone

you were struggling to break free and from all the moving you were doing he lost his grip

you hit the ground pretty hard on your back

people would be looking at you worriedly since your literally laughing/crying and san's rubbing your back worried

would get you a stuffed animal to make up for hurting you

you got a cute giraffe and named it Jeff

" Jeff? That sounds fine with me "

★ mingi

falls on you

you and mingi got hoverboards for christmas and what wouldn't be christmas without trying out your gifts

mingi was trying to impress you by doing spins and lifting up one leg on it

tries to do it again and ends up collasping into you making you both hit the ground

you were nearly crushed by his weight and was struggling to breathe

you guys couldn't stop laughing when you found out wooyoung got the whole thing on video

" I'm so sorry…I was just trying to impress you"

☆ wooyoung

trips you

you guys were trying to see who was the fastest by running up and down your hallway

it was your turn to run and wooyoung was watching you when suddenly a thought came to his mind

while you were running wooyoung threw a slipper in the hallway while you weren't looking

you instantly tripped, the shoe flying mid-air and hitting you on the head while you hit the ground hard

laughs so hard that he can't breathe

don't worry you got him back when you poured water on him while he was sleeping on a hammock at the beach

" I don't regret anything "

★ jongho

accidentally runs over you - the members were riding kid's tricycle around the dance studio

jongho was riding his while singing some song's and had his eye closed half the time

while he was doing that you were laying on the ground watching youtube

right when he was about to hit the high note in wonderland he ran over you, crushing you under his tricycle

took him a second to realize what was going on and would get off of you

checks to make sure your okay and laughs about it once your fine

" I'm sorry that I ran you over but that was so funny "

#ateez #reactions #wattpad repost #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #atiny #fanfiction #kpop #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #gyustarzzi #preferences #ateez reactions #ateez preferences

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enhafilthandfiction · 2 years ago

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Kpopfilthandfiction's Masterlist

Disclaimer : Some of my works contain 18+ content, read at your own discretion. Minors strictly do not interact.

Requests are currently closed, but will hopefully re-open once I finish writing my current requests!!

If you enjoy these posts, you can help support my blog by tipping me here! Anything is highly appreciated!

Main Masterlist

☣ Lee Heeseung ☣

╰┈➤ [2:46] - DrunkFwb!Heeseung X Fem!Reader - Smut

╰┈➤ CEO Hee tying you with his tie - Pics

☣ Park Jongseong ☣

↻... Oops! Nothing here, come back later or leave a request!

☣ Sim Jake ☣

╰┈➤ Sucking Jake off - pics

╰┈➤ Threesome with Sunghoon - Fwb X Fem!Reader - Smut

╰┈➤ Dumb Games - Bff!Roomie!Jake X Fem!Reader - smut

╰┈➤ Math Problem - StepBro!Jake X Fem!Reader - Smut

When you ask your step brother Jake to help you with your math homework, you didn't expect to find yourself bouncing on his dick instead.

╰┈➤ $ex Tape - Bf!Jake X Fem!Reader - Smut

Jake decides to film a porn tape when you have a quickie. What happens when his friends come back home to find you having sex on the living room couch, and even worse, filming a sex tape?

☣ Park Sunghoon ☣

╰┈➤ Threesome with Jake - Fwb X Fem!Reader - Smut

☣ Kim Sunoo ☣

↻... Oops! Nothing here, come back later or leave a request!

☣ Yang Jungwon ☣

╰┈➤ Making out with Jungwon - Headcanons - Suggestive

╰┈➤ Jungwon teasing you - Short fic - Suggestive / smutty

╰┈➤ Jungwon Being Needy - Short fic - suggestive / smutty

╰┈➤ Mullet!Bf!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - Smut

╰┈➤ Spider-Man Jungwon X Fem!Reader

╰┈➤ Making out with Jungwon pt.2 - Bf!Jungwon X fem!Reader

╰┈➤ Late night texting with needy Jungwon - suggestive

╰┈➤ Jungwon Jerking off when he misses you - smut

╰┈➤ Jungwon Spitting in your mouth - Suggestive

╰┈➤ Bite me - VampireBf!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - Smut

╰┈➤ Hickeys - Boyfriend!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - Suggestive

Jungwon comforts you when you're stressed by a make-out session, letting you take it out on his lips and his neck.

╰┈➤ In The Kitchen - fwb!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - kinda smutty

Your tipsy fwb Jungwon gets jealous when you wear a revealing outfit and decides to remind you who your fwb is.

╰┈➤ No Bra - Bf!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - Suggestive / smutty

Jungwon is stressed and asks y/n to play with her big tits to distract himself. He ends up marking y/n's chest, taking his frustration out on them.

╰┈➤ Practise On Me - Bff!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - smut

You get curious about how to give head, and your best friend, Jungwon, gladly helps you out.

╰┈➤ Teach Me - Bff!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - smut

Your best friend, Jungwon, wants to repay the favour by giving you head.

╰┈➤ Addicted To You - Bff!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - fluff

Your boyfriend, Jungwon, worships your body in front of a mirror after he notices that you're feeling insecure.

╰┈➤ Flushed Cheeks -Bf!Jungwon X Fem!Reader-suggestive smut

You suggest thigh riding and your boyfriend accepts, not knowing it'd lead to desperate dry humping and him cumming in his pants.

╰┈➤ Angry - Bf!Jungwon X Fem!Reader - Smut

You boyfriend can't help but get angry when you keep teasing him non stop throughout the whole night. What happens when you arrive home? He takes out his anger on you by fucking you senseless (angry sex)

╰┈➤ I'm not a Perv, just crushing on you - BroBff!Jungwon - Smut

Your brother's best friend might seem like a pervert, but he's not. He just likes you a little too much not to look down your shirt. What happens when he gets jealous of a guy you flirted with at your family's get together party?

☣ Nishimura Riki ☣

╰┈➤ Wing-Bestie - Bff!Niki X Bff!Reader - Cheesy fluff and angst

Niki has a crush on your sister and you, his best friend, are willing to help him win her heart.

╰┈➤ My Cute, Baby Giraffe - Bf!Niki x Fem!Reader - Fluff

Riki is very tired after a dance practise and all he needs are your cuddles and kisses.

☣ Multiple Members ☣

╰┈➤ Trying consented Somnophilia - Hyung Line - Smut

╰┈➤ Enhypen when you're on your period - 0t7Bf!Enha - Fluff

╰┈➤ Mtl to tease you in bed - Legal Line - Smut

╰┈➤ When you cockblock them - HyungLine - Suggestive

╰┈➤ How they tell u they're in the mood - HyungLine - Suggestive

╰┈➤ Secret naughty things between you - Hyungline - suggestive

╰┈➤ When you get needy when they're gaming - Hyungline - smut

╰┈➤ Your pet interrupting your sexy time - Hyungline - suggestive

╰┈➤ Walking around naked when they're mad - Hyungline - smut

╰┈➤ Nsfw Links - Legal Line (contains jw and sunoo) - Smut !!!

╰┈➤ Enhypen Last Friday night - 0t7!Enha - Suggestive

╰┈➤ Enhypen when your hymen tears - Legal Line - suggestive

╰┈➤ Enhypen Kissing you during an argument - Fluff, Crack

Please, do not copy, translate or plagiarise any of my works without permission.

However, likes and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

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fanaticsnail · 5 months ago

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Aaaaaa!! I love the pretty bird series so far!!

My mind is running rampant with possibilities I love some miscommunication between species tropes

- I can't remember which type of bird (I think eagle?) but I know a species has a courting practice where they lock talons and dive through the sky before flying again, which I consider pretty romantic

- Avian Mihawk, doing research on human courting methods but his research is outdated bc time is fickle to fae

- Trying to give reader more and more extravagant animals for "dowry" ("three goats? How disgracefully frugal... Are mammoths still considered impressive?")

- Or giving up on human courting methods and grasping at straws thinking that if reader loves animals so much maybe he should try that and hope they recognize something

(Mihawk reading about giraffes:)

- "many female insects will kill their mates after copulation... So back to mammals it is"

- also, reader treating the crow as a diary in which they can dish without fear of judgement bc it's not like it's a human that can judge them (technically true)

- reader, sharing the goss from the market "so now her parents are getting divorced, her boyfriend slash possible biological father skips town, but guess who else conveniently disappears? Her sister!" Mihawk: :V

Mihawk, after he finally wooed (talked to without smelling every two seconds) his One True Mate (the human who was nice to him) into courtship and marriage (a Walk) and they forsake him (call another bird pretty) despite their fated bond (he hasn't revealed he's a bird):

The way I wasn't expecting "Pretty Bird" to become a series, but it's now just becoming such fun to think about.

Locking talons and diving, my heart 🫠.

Mihawk researching ancient courting rituals for humans and not interpreting the correct methods will never not be funny -> BUT, what if our reader accidentally initiates avarial courtship and shows her pretty bird a dress that she hasn't worn in a while, enjoying how the skirt twirls and fans outwards while she spins. Our Pretty Bird just going: "My human wants me. My mate desires me. This is my moment, my time has come. Even now, she dances for me."

Treating Pretty Bird as a diary, offering him trinkets and treats for listening to her woes. "The lord of high keep has invited me to work his field and establish his grounds for flowers. How do I tell him he scares me when he watches? How do I tell him his presence both enchants me and terrifies me. Oh, pretty bird, you're the only one who understands me." I can't, this is just too funny.

We all know Mihawk in all forms is a gossip-loving goth.

I just need to see how far I want to lean into the more animal-like instincts for him. He'd be so cute preening and grooming while his expression is stone-faced and cold. The duality of the man.

Also, I have missed you Snail! I hope life is treating you well, love!

#one piece #x reader #ask snail #snail answers #mihawk #hybrid au #fairytale au #mihawk x reader

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valtsv · 2 years ago

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it makes me kinda sad when i think about all the interesting friends and acquaintances my parents used to have who they just... don't talk about anymore, let alone talk to or spend time with, because they went off the deep end with facebook conspiracy theories and antivaxx bullshit and generally turned into weirdo conservatives. like the slavic orthodox monk who used to play football with me and my brother when he came to visit sometimes, or the japanese photographer whose parents sent us cultural exchange gifts every christmas, or the polish woman who toured the world with a dancing/theatre troupe when she was young and later moved to spain and started her own olive farm business, or the american jewish family who lived down the road when we were kids who my mom was best friends with, or my brother's godfather the polish biker gang priest who rode a harley davidson to sermons, or my south african godmother who collected incredible wood carvings of dragons and giraffes and elephants and filled her house with beautiful jewel-colored paintings and ornamental bird cages and brightly patterned and bejewelled throw blankets and rugs and told me about growing up during and post-apartheid and helped me to understand important historical events and social issues we never covered in school and was one of the most unconditionally kind and helpful people i've ever met, or the german family my mom used to spend hours talking to on the phone, or the woman my mom was friends with whose son was trans and who supported my own struggles with gender and sexuality and encouraged me to express myself. i can't even get in touch with most of them because i never got their contact details, and i can hardly ask my parents now. it's just so thoroughly depressing how much life and culture my childhood was filled with and how my parents destroyed that before i was even old enough to fully appreciate it.

#🐉#like i know theres nothing that can be done and i can hardly complain #when like. my own parents are the ones who fucked it all up.#but i just miss so many people i never even really got the chance to know

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mattapparentlystumbltourneys · 8 months ago

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Giraffe Girumble - Loser's Bracket 1 - C

Propaganda below (May contain spoilers!)

Durpleton Propaganda:

He is so dumb and loves his son.

He's a child. He's a dilf. He's comedic relief. He has a tragic backstory. He has a song about farts.

Gerald Propaganda:

Gerald invents his own style of dance after lots of soul searching and stuff. He's a dancing giraffe, just go with it ;)

#giraffe girumble #losers bracket #round 1 #durpleton #centaurworld #gerald the giraffe #giraffes can't dance #character polls

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yandere-toons · 2 years ago

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Yandere Death the Kid (Platonic Scenario - "Death and Dignity")

Warnings: Use of Firearms, Death, Violence, Toxic Mindsets.

Word Count: 4881.

Hour after hour, from the time the sun climbed up the stars to the time it sank below the horizon, with every fanciful stroke of a tired pen, Kid poured onto paper the thoughts that would not leave him.

These thoughts gnawed at his mind like termites at rotten wood, consuming it bit by bit until what once was stable now teetered on the precipice of collapse. This flight of passion was a waking nightmare that haunted his every movement.

His right hand, which clutched the pen as though glued to it, exploded into a fit of shakes after forcing itself to remain stiff for a final sentence. The words that lay before him disgusted him more than the most fetid odour, and with an anguished cry, Kid tore the page free of the notebook.

“It's not good enough!” His yell was dripping with frustration, frustration with himself, the look of the letter and its intended recipient. The noise carried on the silent air of the mansion and shattered the peace of many a slumber.

It rounded corners and slipped underneath closed doors, ushering two pairs of haggard footsteps from a plush bed. Kid was deaf to this series of thumps, for what filled his ears was a combination of mumbles and rustles.

A few strips of paper had been severed from the rest and stuck to the spine while Kid pounded the majority into a ball and hurled it into the metal wastebasket beside the desk. As the wastebasket rattled, Kid slammed his elbows into the flat top of the desk, hunched over in his seat, and cradled his face in his palms.

“Kid?” Liz called, surprise and concern intertwined. “You okay?” She hesitated to ask, fearful of what had dragged such pain from him in the dead of night.

Bare feet brushed stone as Liz took another step towards him, and this one brought her to the foot of the desk. She looked down at the back of Kid's head and leaned forward to get a better view of him.

Kid did not meet her gaze. Perhaps, he had deemed himself unworthy of it, or perhaps, he had not the strength. “If I don't get it right, they'll think I'm garbage.” The misery in his voice told the story of someone who had given up on proving anyone wrong.

Liz saw how many pages were missing from the notebook and how packed the wastebasket was becoming, and she understood how steep the cliff was from which Kid dangled. “No, they won't. Just go with whatever you have left.”

On any of the nights that came before, he went to sleep at the same rigid bedtime. On this night, Liz observed, he quested for something that eluded him.

His eyes were glazed with manic confusion and open wide despite the dark circles surrounding them. His fingers danced across the desk as if it was hot to the touch, finding solace in digging each nail into the wooden surface.

Kid finally blinked after a full minute of staring at the next blank page in the notebook. In a shaky breath that teased the arrival of tears, he whispered, “I can't stop, Liz.”

It was not a declaration of determination or some great desire, but rather, it was a desperate recitation of the fact that he was, at that moment, as he had been at countless others, a slave to his obsessive thoughts.

They looped in his mind without end, threatening devastation if they were ignored and withholding his ability to relax until he wrote a particular string of words exactly as he had imagined them in his head.

Dozens of failed attempts sat in a stack inside the wastebasket.

Patty squatted in front of it with a curious laugh, collected a few balls of paper off the top, and began crafting an origami giraffe. She hummed a merry tune as she smoothed the trash and then folded it into a work of art, which earned a slight smile from her big sister.

Kid, however, was dead to everything but the blank page and the pen in his hand. He moved to quell the thoughts that suffocated him, and Liz grabbed his hand and guided it away from the page.

She frowned at the coldness of his skin and narrowed her eyes at his shallow breaths. “Have you had anything to eat today?”

He looked at her as though it was his first time hearing the word “eat” and was puzzled by its lack of apparent relevancy to his task. As the fact that a world existed outside of writing the letter washed over Kid in a slow wave, he turned his head back to the notebook and mumbled, “No. There was no time for that.”

Patty jumped up and spread herself across the desk, lying on her stomach and kicking the air. She stretched her arms towards Kid and shoved an origami giraffe in his face. “Give them this! Everybody loves giraffes!”

If she had taken a pack of crayons to it, one could have mistaken it for a real baby giraffe.

Kid eyed the origami giraffe and instinctively judged whether slicing it in half would produce equal pieces. A vertical slice would, he deduced, and he accepted it with both hands.

* * *

Kid's house was a castle pulled from a gothic storybook, its walls adorned with tentacled skulls and red spikes, and its grass home to a garden of guillotines. Being in it was like stepping into a different universe, one where each room mirrored itself on opposite sides.

Every red-carpeted staircase footed the traffic of dozens of guests, and all the linen-draped tables threw their candlelit shadows upon the stone floor. The floor had been scrubbed and buffed until no scratch was in sight, as you noticed your reflection on the monochromatic rock.

Peering through one of the arched windows of the aptly named Gallows Mansion yielded the moon-tipped glint of a cast-iron fence, its spear-like bars pointing at the purple sky and spreading from a locked gate.

The music of the student body enjoying a break rang loud over the jazzy piano emitting from a gramophone. Its needle traced the grooves in an old disc, tucked into the corner of the walls bordering the right side of the central staircase.

Doing so much as lifting a piece of food from the lines of prearranged plates seemed a disservice, as if you were sullying a priceless creation meant to be looked at, not touched. The air smelt of salads, turkey legs and mashed potatoes with peas, leaving a zesty bunch of crumbs on everyone's tongue but your own.

Kid bopped himself on the forehead with the heel of his hand: “Idiot!” He hissed the word through clenched teeth and pushed his eyes to the floor, his breathing rattled and his once-steady hands curling into fists.

“Of course, they don't like it!” The bite of self-disgust in his voice was potent, but when Kid snuck a glance your way to catch you scanning the other partygoers with boredom, his heart punched his ribcage. “They're not having a good time,” he muttered, “I need to fix this.”

After patting imaginary dust from the clothes he had ironed twice before the party started, Kid took a deep breath through his nose and straightened his posture to the point of stiffness. A stony composure washed over his face and unwound the wrinkles clinging to it.

Kid departed from his group of friends, who were humouring the blue-haired Black☆Star as he stood atop a table and dramatised the events of his latest victory, and only one of them noticed.

The squeak of dress shoes pivoting on the stone floor alerted you to the sight of Kid sliding into the space beside you. He had aligned himself with you, facing the same direction as you and standing at the same distance from the nearest table as you were.

He wore black suspenders over a dark tie and a cedar brown dress shirt, like a classy gent out for a stroll, giving him a muted appearance that would have been easy to overlook in the crowd if not for his half-striped hair.

“I couldn't help but notice that the catering is not to your liking.” Kid recited the line that he had been refining in his head and repeating under his breath on the way over. “Rest assured, the menu will have greatly improved by the next party.”

As he turned to you, his arms came round from behind his back. “In the meantime, please accept this as a token of my apology.”

Kid presented an origami giraffe with the spirit of a chef peeling off the lid of a silver platter. He had closed his eyes, but when his anxieties about somehow grabbing the wrong item sprouted, he reopened them to study the gift in his hands.

“Patty wanted me to give it to you.” He stumbled on the name, as if he had intended to say a different one, but faltered just as the sound came out.

You tucked the giraffe underneath your arm, nodded at him, and offered a smile that Kid had yet to see you bear for any other person. “Tell her it's the finest gift I've ever received.”

Something bloomed on your face, an untroubled excitement that quieted the worries swirling round his mind about whether the dimensions of the paper giraffe were still symmetrical. “I heard about your last assignment!”

It was at that moment that Kid lost himself, his mask of calm slipping to betray unabashed interest. The hunt for maleficent souls had not occurred to him once that night. These villains were as much fair game as a wild hog, yet here he was, fretting about matters that he now wondered if his father would deem trivial.

Your eyes flitted to your pocket, which your free hand dipped inside with a purpose. “It sounds like dangerous work, so I made you this.”

A ringlike shadow flew over Kid, and then a necklace found its place on him. It was symmetrical, just as he would like it to be. It was also homemade, a truth that dawned on him like the first ray of sunshine after a storm.

“It's a good luck charm!” was how you described it, but he was too far gone into a spiral of hopeful theories to register this.

Kid cradled the necklace in the palm of his hand, and he saw the effort you had poured into making it. In that instant, it was a promise, a wish fulfilled, a dream realised.

When he gazed at you again, time had frozen for him. The surrounding chatter about upcoming exams and who had collected how many souls from voices of varying pitches and tones shifted to a similar, insignificant buzz, as did everything else but the rapid beats of his pulse.

His arms began to outstretch towards your face with the awe of someone daring to reach out to something godly. Kid took the sides of your head in his hands, applying a firm yet careful pressure that suggested both the need to admire and the fear of causing ruin.

In a half-breathless whisper, he said, “Of all the souls I've seen, yours possesses symmetry unparalleled.”

It was the type of compliment one might expect to hear while dancing under glittering chandeliers on the marble floor of a ballroom, intimate yet formal. From the mouth of a god who personally folded the tips of every roll of toilet paper in his mansion into triangles and abandoned missions to centre the painting in his living room, it was the type of compliment that had you walking with your head held high.

A wine glass full of apple cider hit the floor and shattered against the stone.

Kid recoiled as if he had been slugged in the gut, a twitch invading his eye while his face warped into a look of pure horror. The shattering of the glass was a high-pitched explosion that clawed his brain, which overflowed with images of the apple cider tainting his spotless floor.

When Kid thrust his head towards the source of the disaster, his gaze met that of Liz, who was standing in front of a nearby table with Patty.

He stormed to her table and arched his back, careful not to step in the orangish puddle of drink and broken glass. “Liz! How could you? Do you have any idea how long it takes to make this floor sparkle?” The words gushed out of his mouth like a waterfall, not stopping to breathe or allow for another's response.

As his agitated rant about needing to scrub the room again rolled over her ears, Liz raised her arm and rubbed the back of her head with a forced chuckle. “Whoops! Guess I'm a little clumsy tonight.”

Patty skipped after her big sister, only to pause and set her mouth agape when she took a peek at you. “Huh?” She tilted her head and leaned towards you with her hands sticking outwards.

“Hey!” shouted Patty, drawing the short word into a lengthy stretch of surprise that pulled joy at her lips. “You're who Kid's always talking about!”

Kid caught his breath mid-sentence, and he veered towards her as panic etched itself across his face. “Patty!” His sheepish outcry reverberated through the atrium and gathered the attention of various partygoers, who disregarded their previous conversations and proceeded to rubberneck.

She turned to him and cocked her head with an innocent hum. “What is it, Kid?”

He dashed behind her and began pushing her back to the table where Black☆Star was devouring his third dish. Patty did not resist, merely staring over her shoulder at him.

As soon as you were out of his sight, the repetitive thoughts returned to swarm his mind like flies flocking to the smell of carrion.

* * *

From the moment that it was flung over his head to the moment that he walked the streets of Death City on this overcast twilight, Kid had not removed the necklace for any reason for even a second.

He kept it near his heart, circling his spearpoint collar and framing his skull brooch of pure metal as if his heart would cease to beat without it.

Liz had glimpsed him cleaning it and polishing it when he thought he was alone, and on three separate occasions, she had questioned him about his preoccupation. “I don't know what you're talking about,” Kid always replied, eyes half-closed with disinterest and tone one of steely resolve. “I'm simply caring for a friend's gift.”

He was chasing a fantasy, and it seemed that everyone except him knew that. Every few minutes, he reached for the necklace and touched it, holding it for a bit to confirm that it had not disappeared since the last time he checked.

Shimmers of a napping sun poked through the cloud bank and dappled the cobblestone road ahead. The rhythm of his footsteps, a deliberate pattern of Kid counting the number of brown and grey stones, was broken by a scream.

It was the scream of glass as it shattered into a downpour of shards jumping on the street, and it dotted the cobblestones where Kid would have rested his feet if not for the hulking man blocking his path.

His mask was akin to the head of a devil, with bicorn ears and a drill-like nose. It glared down at Kid from under the rows and rows of fluorescent lights spewing out of adjacent buildings.

He had donned the red spandex and yellow cape of a superhero from the comic books of yore, but the sack he lugged over his shoulder was brimming with gold bars.

The surprise that had opened Kid's eyes and mouth wide died away with a surge of opportunistic confidence. “You evaded me once, Lupin. I can assure you it will not happen again.” He extended one arm to Patty and the other to Liz, prompting them to exchange brief nods.

The sisters vanished into beams of pinkish-white light, and there in his hands materialised a pair of silver Beretta M9s. Kid held them upside down and crossed his outstretched arms into an X-shape, with his pinkies hooked on the triggers.

“You think I'll just stand here and take it?” was all Lupin bothered to say before his free hand scooped a wooden handle out of his boot.

No sooner than Kid saw the glint of a dagger did he yank the pistols towards his face and form a protective barrier of steel and tailored sleeves.

The blade was so swift and the cut so clean that he was scarcely aware of where it had struck. His ignorance persevered until the glimmer of something caught his eye as it was split in twain and ripped from its home about his neck, and the answer drove a graver pain into him than the sharpest spear.

The necklace, a sliver of yourself that you had so graciously bestowed on Kid, lay battered at his feet.

The shock lasted only for as long as it took him to stumble backwards and regain his footing. He had enjoyed the gift so much that it became indestructible in his mind, and to see it reduced to what a passer-by would call garbage was the most dastardly of transgressions.

It was then that the pang of sorrow, which paralysed him like a snake's venom, bled into a frenzy that shook his heart and twisted his innards into knots. A lonely kind of fear crept up his spine, the kind that saw isolation in crowds and focused on every detail of imperfection.

The slice had been at an angle, dooming one piece to be longer than the other. That cretin, Kid thought, had not the decency to damage it symmetrically. By robbing the necklace of its symmetry, he spat on your hard work and perverted his connection to you.

Thuds of boots on stone approached him in a flurry, and Kid spun his head towards the noise to see Lupin rearing his dagger in preparation for another swing. Kid drew his twin pistols before Lupin could do him any more harm and, at point-blank range, planted two shots in his chest.

“You wretched pig!” Kid bellowed vitriol with the ferocity of a vindictive god, and during that momentary surrender to his darker impulses, that was what he had become.

He pulled the triggers again and again as quickly as they reset. The flashes of light were brilliant and tinged with pink, an oblique hail of his very soul.

To Lupin, who it blew to the ground, and the dagger knocked free of his grasp, it was inescapable like the claws of fate reaching down to take a swipe at him.

The barrage of shots had mangled the body beyond recognition, yet Kid fired at it still. He unloaded his virtually infinite magazine until the bones turned to powder and the cobblestone was chock-full of holes.

His hold on the pistols' grips was ironclad enough to crush a windpipe, a fact that unnerved Liz into shouting through the din, “Kid! You can stop now!”

The shadow of Kid stretched far as he loomed over the dead Lupin. His teeth, clenched until aching, glistened with spit while sweat traced the sides of his head. The incessant twitch in the corners of his lips complemented the wrathful look in his eye, the look of vengeance outpouring.

When the flood of bangs ended, the air, so thick with tension, begged for an encore. Kid swung his arms downward in a manner both snappy and rigid. Trails of smoke wafted from the barrels of the pistols, hissing and crackling.

The chipper, excitable voice of Patty rang out in the coming silence. “Woah! He's got spooky eyes!” Like a child to whom death was a game, she laughed.

As Kid turned back to the necklace and softened his scowl, the rage that had consumed him faded into hollow depths. In its place, a sense of shame swept over him like wind over dunes.

Kid dropped his weapons at once and fell to his knees. The sound of the pistols clattering to either side of his feet, as well as the immediate protests from Liz, went unheard.

For a while, all he could do was stare at the ruined necklace as if at the burial of a dear friend. Terror squeezed his stomach and seized all warmth from him, the anguish about what you might think of his failure to protect your gift, about a mistake that you may believe was intentional or evocative of his shortcomings.

When Kid retrieved the necklace, it was a heap of pieces that would never be whole again. His lips began to quiver, and he became misty-eyed.

He kept pushing the broken ends together, whimpering like a kicked dog when nothing stopped him from pulling them apart as effortlessly as he breathed.

Tears dripped from his eyes and plopped on the skin of his hands in streaks that rolled down the base of his thumbs. Some dangled there on the edges of his fingers, while others plummeted to the cobblestone and stained it with dark spots.

A shudder had begun to invade his body as if a cold wind was blowing through the room that only touched him. His hands closed around the remains of the necklace until his fists could be no tighter, and then Kid slumped in defeat.

“They entrusted me with this.” His voice rose from a desolate whisper to a high-pitched lament that threatened to crack under the tears straining his throat. “And I failed them.”

Even with the towering shape of the DWMA on the horizon, you had never seemed farther away from him than you did now.

Liz looked on, arms akimbo and eyes crinkled in suspense, and debated whether to console him or chastise him.

Patty raised one finger to her chin and observed his woe with a wide-eyed, curious gaze. She had parted her lips slightly, and a howl of laughter was bubbling on them.

“I don't deserve to live anymore,” cried Kid. He pressed his fists against his temples as if his brain was throbbing and wept into the dimly lit expanse of the deserted street.

Liz sighed through her nose and turned to Patty, who bent forward from cackling and slapping her knee. “Come on, Patty.”

The instant she said this, the two sisters knelt at Kid's side. Patty slammed her palm into his back time after time as if she were performing some crude version of the Heimlich maneuver on him. “You gave them a giraffe, so there's no way they can hate you now!”

Liz set her wary eye upon the scattered remains of Lupin, upon that display of a life ended in seconds with barely any trail to prove that it had existed. “Kid, we should tell your dad.”

His head snapped up, and the outflow of tears paused. “Yes,” he mumbled, “yes, you're right.” Kid stuffed each piece of the necklace into his pocket and then rushed away from the skeleton, lifting both hands to his collar and straightening it.

He banished all distress from his countenance and shut his eyes. When they opened, the back of his hands lay sideways against his lapels. He twisted his wrists and curled his fingers before extending his arms frontwards, tucking his middle and ring fingers into his palms while splaying his thumbs, index fingers and pinkies.

Orbs of violet light expanded at his fingertips and enveloped his hands in a sizzling, sparking glow that shot forth onto the cobblestone. It exploded in a ball of purple fire like a comet's tail and, with searing heat whipping the hem of Kid's uniform, branded the face of Death into the ground.

The brilliance of the flames shone across every speck of wall and window in the street. Disembodied souls of the dead emerged from Kid as strips of darkness silhouetted against this light, their ghostly shapes bobbing and pulling away from him with expressions of permanent terror.

The trio of holes that acted as Death's eyes and nose touched the reddish sky in blazing cylinders of light, and an angular figure cloaked in black appeared in the upward wind that followed.

Death, God to many and Dad to few, looked back at Kid through the same white mask that had rendered him unreadable in the days of early childhood. Even with eyes that judged the souls of all living beings, Kid could only guess his father's emotions until he talked.

“Hiya, Kiddo! Learn anything new?” He spoke with the goofy voice and exaggerated mannerisms of a cartoon character from the black-and-white era of television.

As he maintained heavy eye contact with his father, Kid resembled a statue carved out of stone so that it may never shed a tear. He stood erect, his dry tone betraying a hint of disdain. “You can scratch one name off your list.”

From her spot just beyond a car's length behind him, Liz stood beside her sister and squinted at Kid. Patty was still finding amusement in how funny Lupin's skull looked with no jaw bone and only half a cranium, while Liz struggled to parse the venom that laced Kid's words.

Death leaned towards Kid to the point where his mask was all that was visible, turning his head so that one eyehole was nearer to Kid than the other. “Oh? And which one would that be?”

Kid was conscious of his red-rimmed eyes, but he forced his lips into a straight line and smothered the urge to contort his face and resume crying. Instead, a hateful coldness flowed into his pronunciation of the name that he spat from his tongue as if it were a piece of rotten food. “Lupin.”

“Ah, can't say I'm sad to see him go!” chuckled Death, shrugging and retreating to his former position. “He must've gotten lazy after last time!” He bounced as he said this and stuck out his arms with palms upturned.

On his hands were oversize gloves, the bulky and puffy variety that devoted sports fans jiggled in support of their favourite teams. No part of Death's natural form was exposed, all of it concealed under cloth and mask.

Kid allowed his eyes to narrow and his brows to furrow. He delayed blinking, fearing that the movement would encourage another tear to fall. “Yes, I'd rather not be reminded of my past failures.”

Death settled down enough to take a closer look at his son and indulged in what he considered to be harmless curiosity, but his next question struck Kid like a lightning bolt. “Say, Kiddo. Where's that necklace you've been wearing?”

* * *

Long after the corridors of the DWMA had darkened with nightfall, life stayed under the flickers of sconces to prepare the school for tomorrow.

The door to the infirmary creaked open, and a stream of moonlight gloated over the pair of black shoes that trudged across the tile floor.

It startled you from where you had been changing the sheets on a bloodstained bed. “Kid? What are you still doing here?”

Kid emptied his pocketful of broken pieces onto the end of the bed. He turned his gaze sideways and clenched his jaw, refusing to look you in the eye. “A Grim Reaper worth respecting wouldn't make such a grievous error.”

You nearly failed to recognise what the pieces once were, but when the realisation loosened your grip on the sheets until they clumped near the pillow, you slunk towards him.

Kid collapsed into a sitting position, with his knees folded on opposite sides of him and his toes pointing at the walls. “You have every right to wish ill on me.”

He bowed his head so that his hair obscured his eyes, which had lost much of their natural glow in favour of a tearful sheen. He condensed the emotion that had been running rampant in his voice moments earlier into a whisper. “But my life would be worthless if you cut me from yours.”

You crouched to his eye level and brought your hands onto his shoulders with a tentative slowness. “We're friends, aren't we?” Hesitation littered the “aren't we” part of the statement as if you were deep in foreign territory and searching for validation. “One broken necklace won't change that.”

The crescent moon jiggled with a resonant laugh, and as Kid sat there wondering what sort of angel you must have been to forgive him, his shoulders rose with a newfound lightness.

You almost took your hands back when he gripped one in each of his own, holding them up at equal heights like a knight pledging himself to his new liege. “I will never let you down again.” His stare became unwavering on the word “never” as though it were the most certain thing in the universe.

Kid sprung from the ground at such an impressive speed that he dragged you with him and went airborne for a split second. His next footstep was brisk, no more than a lurch, and brought him far closer to you than was necessary to make his words heard.

“This I swear on my life.”

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sophietv · 1 year ago

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Kaylor : The Eras Tour

First thread I'll import here is this one: Every Kaylor references on The Eras Tour

On Twitter I update this thread from time to time when I find new things, not too sure how it works on Tumblr 😅 But I'll figure it out!

So here's all the Kaylor references I could find while watching the concert, TikTok and by my beautiful moots on Twitter.

Let's start with a Kaylor classic! Daisies:

There is daisies on the necklace she wears during Lover Era.

Daisies on the ceiling during Love Story (Karlie's favourite song)

Daisies on the piano during the surprise songs.

My personal favourite: Karlie's birthday:

During Bad Blood - wich is Track 8 of 1989, there's a 3 light up on the ceiling.

8/3 = Karlie's birthday

The letter K now:

During Invisible String, you can see the letters KK light up in the audience.

This person found out that if you mirror two Ks, it gives a diamond. Just like the stage.

Sadly I screenrecorded it when I saw it and forgot to take note of who did this, so I can't credit...

Now the 2014 VSFS :

In Bad Blood Taylor on the screen wears something odly similar to what Karlie wore during the 2014 VSFS

Notice the floor that look like a chess game? Taylor recreated it during the Mastermind set.

And during the 2014 VSFS Taylor sang style and walked hand in hand with Karlie, well she does the same with one dancer.

More than that, with Karlie she walked exactly 16 steps.

With the dancer, she walks exactly 16 steps.

But she also points at the dance in the exact same way that she pointed at Karie.

The Eye Theory :

There's also A LOT of eye theory references during the show.

During Delicate

During My Tears Ricochet (PS I don't remembre where I took this picture, so if it's one of you, tell me and i'll credit you)

Also some pointed that the dilated pupils made them think of the Best Best Friends staring contest and Karlie's eyes.

During Illicit Affairs

During Fearless

During Mastermind. At some point the diamond look like an eye.

Other Kaylor Flagging:

During the reputation intro, the hands are not Taylor's, but looks a lot like Karlie's.

At the end of Delicate, the stage looks like a giraffe neck as pointed out by Gaylolore on Tiktok.

In Style when she sings "take me home" New York city appears on the screen with the sun moving toward something.

And there's a golden path illuminated in the streets.

The sun also appears on the screen during surprise songs.

The new Lover necklace has butterflies on it. (In the Best Best Friends video, Taylor described Karlie as a Fairy Butterfly, and there's also the ME! mural...)

The Folklore cabin is a replica of the Castro cabin where both Taylor and Karlie stayed at Big Sur.

Source: Kaylortruther on Twitter

The Delicate performance has a lot or ressemblance to this Caroline Herrera commercial Karlie did.

The entirerity of The Last Great American Dinasty with the Karlie look alike and their interactions.

Ok that's about it for the Kaylor references I could find in the tour visual.

I'll probably do a part two for all the Kaylor Koicidences that happened during the tour too. because there's A LOT.

#Kaylor #Eras Tour #Gaylor #Karlie #Taylor #gaylor swift #lgbetty #koincidences

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danwhobrowses · 5 months ago

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One Piece Chapter 1118 - Initial Thoughts

And we're back

It looks like it's time to leave Egghead, with Vegapunk's message cut off by the Gorosei's attack on the Iron Giant

Is there another twist in the tale left? We'll have to wait and see

Spoilers for the Chapter, Support the Official Release too!

After a handful of covers prepping, Yamato's finally setting off on his voyage, and he's already eating from the bento

Picking up from the attack on the Iron Giant, the attack sends it flying into the ocean

The marines not privy to the situation are just collateral

The last fragments of Vegapunk's message continues as the den den mushi gets waterlogged

'And their name was...'

The Iron Giant once more laments not finding Joy Boy

The Marines who witnessed the fall also spot Warcury's boar form, but believe it to be part of the island

The world watches and wonders how Vegapunk's message got cut off

They also start to wonder who could've killed Vegapunk

Koza stays quiet as speculation occurs

Alas, Morgans' earlier headline leads speculation to where we expected, with Luffy taking the fall

Vegapunk tells you a man made weapon caused the whole island of Lulusia to disappear and yet people still don't believe that the WG wouldn't silence someone for breaking a taboo

Laws which also wiped out Ohara, a whole nation of scholars, as well

The former Mr 9 and Miss Monday with their little kid in Whiskey Peak also don't seem convinced by this rhetoric

Only Leo is convinced and that's because Tontatta are gullible, Rebecca looks to set him straight

York is messaged by the Gorosei, asking how many more Vegapunks remain

York confirms Atlas and Lilith, nothing about Edison though, he mustn't have been using Punk Records

The Gorosei now intend to wipe out the other two, believing that York will get the full capability of Punk Records' genius with just York

The Giants and Luffy make it onto the longboat, with Luffy happy to be on there and greet the other giants

Luffy also asks about Usopp and Chopper, since they would've loved to be on the longboat too

Doll and Bluegrass got de-aged by Bonney, which limited their threat level, the little weaponized sea beast got kiddified too

Reminds me of the Toys R Us giraffe now XD

As Luffy greets Oimo and a recovering Kashii, and Bonney makes fun of the vice admirals, Sanji checks on the Sunny

Nami notes that they need help landing, to which Sanji claims he will rescue the ladies - Usopp chiming in to note to save all of them

Franky also chimes in to look after the ship, not the rest of the crew XD

Marcus Mars however has swooped down from above, intent on killing Atlas and all those who stand in his way

Luffy's straight into the kitchen, with the giants knowing him well enough to already have food prepared

Mars has fire breath, but it's blocked by Oimo and Kashii

The fire however has spread to the ship, which means they can't quite escape without putting out the fires and dealing with Mars and the Navy

Bonney and Atlas look to move the Stella body and Kuma away from the action, so Atlas will not be getting too violent at this point

The Giant captains lament that the monsters will chase them given that they can fly, with Mars stating his intent to leave no survivors

Franky notices something though, given the sound effect and what happens next, it's likely Nika back for another round

Luffy can also make the sea rubbery! Which the navy mistake for an earthquake and the rising of sea levels

Luffy still doesn't know why Bonney keeps calling him Nika

Dorry and Brogy are also dancing...but the ship's still on fire

Luffy invites Bonney to fight with him, but Bonney doesn't think she can

By his encouragement though, Bonney remembers how Luffy described Gear Fifth when she asked about his wanted poster

And with a Distorted Future where she is most free, there are now TWO SUN GODS

Kuma, thinking back to his promise to Ginny, bears witness to two different versions of Nika

Mars is most likely panicked now, the consequences of your actions are ready to punch you in the face

Ju Peter and Warcury sense the presence of another Nika, unnerved and deciding to hurry

And in the sea, the Iron Giant once again stirs, having found where Joy Boy is

That chapter absolutely flew by for me!

Bonney's fruit pays dividends because now she can believe in a future where she can be Nika, where she can be free, as opposed to when she couldn't do that against Saturn.

There's still death flags hovering over Atlas and Lilith though, it's likely that Saturn and V. Nusjuro will attempt to attack the Sunny while the rest take on the Longboat, the landing is still a question mark.

I wonder if Edison died, or if he's just being a lil' sneaky sneak, maybe someone able to catch York out. CP0 could do that too, since she did order the Seraphim to silence them.

As expected though, Luffy is likely to get issued the blame for Vegapunk's death, and all the other shit going on in Egghead (well, the shit he's not responsible for). Overall this still feels more like a WG win more than an incident, but stuff still looks like it can turn around or at the least break even. The Vegapunk transmission is likely done, or will have a big chunk missing after the Den Den Mushi dries out, but the Iron Giant is likely not.

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crowcaws · 7 months ago

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Inspired by a twitter thread i saw, I, Australian and certified dumb of ass, will now list every main American state and what I associate it with/what I think it's about/famous for WITHOUT GOOGLING. These thoughts will be stated as fact regardless of whether or not they are true.

Alabama - Banjos. Reese Witherspoon lives here. Shares a border with Florida for some reason. Fifteen people live here. I'm glad i'm not allowed to google because i feel like i'd find things i don't want to know.

Alaska - Mountains. Balto. State flower is a tree of some kind. The roads are just the tyre tracks in the snow of the vehicles that came before whispering "trust me". Kodiak is here, where Pitbull famously said 'keep fucking around, we'll be on the moon next.' I think this is where Mulder and Scully got fucked up by a brain worm.

Arizona - Desert but not the Las Vegas kind. The granyon canyon. State flower is a cactus. State bird also a cactus. Bella Swan got fucked up in a dance studio here. It seems very scenic.

Arkansas - The name of this state makes me think of rusty old utes and that's it, that's all I've got. "Pickup trucks" or whatever. Grow up.

California - The great Lucille Bluth once said, "I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona" but personally I think i'm with Michael on this one. California has Hollywood and an ok tourist beach. Green Day are from here. San Francisco seems cool though, I like how it looks like a city designed specifically to kill skateboarders and cyclists. State flower is a grand theft auto PS2 disc. Population: more than Australia.

Colorado - Mountains. Elks and Deer and Eagles and Giraffes on ski slopes. Much domestic tourism, have never once heard of anyone from outside the US specifically visiting Colorado though idk. Verdict: America's New Zealand.

Connecticut - The dry weetbix of states. I think of monopoly but I can't remember why. State flower is a dandelion that has been stepped on. Biggest export is men's office attire, specifically brown two piece suits and those short sleeve button ups. I only found out today that there's a C in the middle of Connecticut I always thought it was 'Conneticut'.

Delaware - Delawhere the fuck is this state I have no idea. Probably still cooler than Connecticut. Famous for combination fast food chains and buildings that clearly used to be a pizza hut (you can tell by the roof). Idrk what Cracker Barrel is but I can tell you the employees spawn here.

Florida - Biscayne bay. Manatees. Shaped like a sock, or something else. Famous for hotels, motels, and holiday inns. Would be a fun state if not for the fact that every politician in charge of it is fucking it up so so bad. One of the few places in the USA where you can see the Southern Cross constellation. Miami Dale forever RIP Logan Horseman.

Georgia - peaches. atlantis. brisket. no other thoughts detected, moving on

Hawaii - Famous for killing James cunt Cook which is honestly a deserved and certified W for Hawaiians. Plagued (and I do mean plagued) by tourists, including Australian Prime Ministers ignoring national emergencies.

Idaho - Sleepy. Things don't happen here but when they do they happen so much because nothing happens here. National flower is probably like a daisy or something so so normal.

Illinois - Chicago bean. It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. WatchDogs the game. Famous for girlbosses who kill their husbands. Population 11 millions.

Indiana - Rainy probably. Honestly I only remember this state exists because of Stranger Things, which I understand this is like someone saying they only remember Australia exists because of Crocodile Dundee but look. Population: At least 10.

Iowa - This is such a place to be from if you're moving to the big city because all the other waitresses at the diner back home said you got a voice worth payin for and you finally stopped letting your papa tell you what to do. Famous for crop duster planes. State flower is long grass.

Kansas - Famous for scarecrows, wheat and the like. Probably fun at Halloween actually. Great place to fake an alien sighting. I just remembered Dorothy is from here. Population: Yes.

Kentucky - Fried chicken. NASCAR. Speedway. Derby. State flower is a blown out tyre on the side of the road.

Louisiana - Very wet but in a pretty way. Birthplace of the Saxophone. New Orleans is officially the strongest reason I would ever be tempted to set foot in this country. New York wishes she was this beautiful. Famous for the Vampire Diaries spinoff The Originals.

Maine - Next to Kentucky. Lobsters are from here which means there's water, but don't ask me where. Famous for The Vampire Diaries. State flower is a rose, beautiful but generic, like a YA protagonist.

Maryland - Rural but in a manageable way. I think of letterboxes with the family last name on it. Grandmas love it here. Hairspray the musical.

Massachusetts - Ohhhh Legally Blonde. Boston. Harvarb Law. The colour brown. When pronounced it's a very nice name for a state actually.

Michigan - I reference 'can't have shit in Detroit' almost daily but I know almost nothing else about Michigan.

Minnesota - Mini Soda. Also a good state name. No idea what's here, deer or elk or beavers. There's no way to know for sure.

Mississippi - I like this state name less but only because it's hell on the lisp i battle to mask. It's named after a river. It's on the coast. Next to Pennsylvania.

Missouri - A lot of M states happening here. This place is famous for nothing. I don't know what the capital city is but it's definitely a place you move to for your job instead of like. On purpose. Population: 3 million. It's in the middle somewhere.

Montana - This state's main export is horse girls, very Saddle Club coded. It's on the Canadian border, but it shouldn't be like that. It should be in the middle. Hannah Montana's dad was all Nashville but he's basically from Toronto. Fucked up if you ask me.

Nebraska - When I think of Nebraska I think of those depressing Walmart carparks where there's nothing for miles except for the Walmart and one lady pushing a flatscreen in a trolley to the dodge ram she parked 600m away from the entrance so it won't get dinged by other car doors, because god forbid her utility vehicle show signs of wear.

Nevada - viva rock vegas (the flintstones). There's a salt lake here but NOT a salt lake city. That's somewhere else. I think there's motorsport here. NO WAIT THERE IS because i saw charles leclerc on the sphere on tv and he was so wide and i laughed so hard i choked on my own spit.

New Hampshire - What the fuck is New Hampshire that's not real. I thought it was like some beach suburb in New York state. What the fuck. Regardless. I bet you could pull up to the side of the road in New Hapshite and buy an avocado no questions asked. Probably like the USA's Byron Bay.

New Jersey - Everyone from here says it's bad. It makes me think of t shirts with a longer sleeve t shirt underneath and 2000s pop punk music. Gerard Way.

New Mexico - High School Musical is set in Albuquerque. High School Musical is also the only reason I can pronounce Albuquerque. This state is famous for High School Musical.

New York - She's talking over the rest of you and for what? Wall Street? Ugh. Kinda like the Melbourne of the USA.

North Carolina - I feel like cowbutch lesbians do numbers here for some reason. You could disappear into the hills with a woman in a tank top and assless chaps here if you were brave enough. Men do live here but they're treated like a new cast member on the fifth season of a sitcom, this one's for the girls.

North Dakota - Dakota is Carolina's femme girlfriend and they're in love.

Ohio - This is like that town in Cars that lightning mcqueen gets stuck in and the tourist cars are like oh we're only here because of a wrong turn. Yeah. You might find fireflies here though. Also Ohio is for Lovers or something.

Oklahoma - Swear word for Christians. Absolutely nothing happens here and if it does i feel like it involves chasing livestock.

Oregon - Prairies. This is where the Prairies are. Famous for the people who died while trying to be Not In Oregon.

Pennsylvania - Famous for The Office. And Dracula jokes. That's all i've got.

Rhode Island - Famous for winning Miss United States with the flaming batons routine in Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock. Very small state. Possibly the smallest one but who's to say.

South Carolina - If north is for the lesbians, south is for the gays.

South Dakota - As above.

Tennessee - Country music and whiskey and line dancing, which is actually kinda hot when goth girls do it. Overall, Tennessee is the USA's answer to Gympie, which is a question that nobody asked. Overall i just think of the colour brown. Famous for Hayden Penterre. Penetentiary. Pendulum.

Texas - A South Australian would say Texas is famous for it's adorably small cattle farms. Lucky for me, i am not South Australian. This is the state that other states call redneck and racist to hide the fact that they are also redneck and racist, perhaps more so. Contains two of the main cities to name boys after. Dave Strider lives here. (Sorry for the Homestuck jump scare so late in the game.)

Utah - Salt Lake City. That bass pro shop monolith was here. In general i think of the colour orange. Home of the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Vermont - Vermont is a state in the same way the spleen is an organ. Population: Zero.

Virginia - Is this not the same thing as Vermont?

Washington - Famous for Bella where the hell you been loca. Twin Peaks is probably set here idk i forgot all parts of the show that were not log lady. White House. Effervescent.

West Virginia - From the lyrics "Mountain mama. Take me home. Country road" we can determine that West Virginia has Mountains, Milfs, Homes, and Roads. I know nothing else about West Virginia.

Wisconsin - Wiscaaaansin. Whis-cahn-sin. There are definitely elks here. That 70's Show is set somewhere beneath the surface of this place. Population: grandparents and elk. I feel like you could get fucked up by a creature here if you're not careful. It's got trees and lakes and shit creatures love those. I think Yellowstone is somewhere around here.

Wyoming - Great lakes? Great lakes. This state is actually all lake. Idk. I like the name though, the verbiage of it all. Wyoming my way downtown. State flower is an empty wrapper blowing by down the street. Population: 800,000. Definitely a place you could go missing and never be seen again.

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