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theonethatwatchesalotofshows · 4 years ago

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Ranking every Teen Drama I have ever watched

(Updated)

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

+ young Shailene Woodley and Molly Ringwald I guess

- everything else. Even Shailene Woodley's and Molly Ringwald's performances weren't that great because the writing is just oh so bad. The background music is bland and repetative and it sounds like out of some teenager's YouTube chanel. The plotlines are ridiculous and convoluted, which isn't neccessarily such a bad thing, because it is a teen drama show after all, the problem is the show seems to take itself too seriously. Other entries on this list also have ridiculously convoluted plotlines, but I'm ranking them highed because they don't take themselves too seriously and don't claim to be realistic like this show does. Seriously, from the title it suggests like this was going to be a real, uncensored look into high school but it's the furthest thing from it. Not to mention how problematic it is- God forbid someone suggests that a 14-year-old pregnant girl gets an abortion or gives the baby up for adoption without being seen as a terrible and despicable person.

Otp: Marc Molina x a job somewhere far, far away from these kids

Notps: every single pairing on this show

Best moment: literally none

Weirdest moment: "I'm such a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." What were the writers thinking??? Was this supposed to be romantic??

We Children From Zoo Station

+the aesthetic, the casting of Christiane, Detlef and Axel

-this was such a letdown. Honestly I was so hyped for it after seeing the trailer since I've read the book and didn't particularly like the movie- I feel like it's hard to fit all of Christiane's story into 90 minutes. That's why I was so excited about this show. Christiane's story covers so much, so it's easier to make it into a TV show when you don't want to ommit anything and butcher the story. But they somehow managed to do it anyway. They changed so much for no reason and completely erased Christiane's childhood trauma, which was important in the book. Now, I know you can say that it's just a loose adaptation, so it doesn't have to follow the book word for word. But I feel like if you already decided to tell her- a real person's story- you should at least do it authentically. Imo they shouldn't have tried to make the setting vague. It worked with Sex Education because the story of Sex Education is timeless. However, Christiane's story is not timeless. It's a true story set in the 1970s. If they were making a new show from scratch, I would have liked it. But this is an already existing story and they’re supposed to be just retelling it. My last issue is a nit pick but I wish the actresses playing Stella and Babsi were reversed. It just would've fit better.

Otps: all those kids x sobriety

Notp: Christiane x Detlef

Best moment: Christiane's first time in Sound was pretty true to the book

Weirdest moment: when Detlef became a gigolo because he needed money for his dog. Who tf thought of that?

Pretty Little Liars

+ makeup, style, the theme song, the drama and mystery that always kept me guessing, the cliffhangers at the end of each episode that made it so addictive, Emily's coming out story, Hanna and Spencer had some good lines

- the mishandling of some serious issues (namely eating disorders), romantization of student-teacher relationship, the timeline not making much sense, these writers seem to put more thought into the characters' outfits than the storylines

Otps: Emily x Maya, Hanna x Caleb

Notp: Ezria

Best moment: Hanna and Caleb in the shower (the sexual tension was cuttable with a knife)

Weirdest moments: Aria asking Ezra out in the middle of a make-up test (it was supposed to be cute but it was just cringy), Spencer trying to block A's text messages on a laptop, in the middle of a park (what? Spencer, you were supposed to be the smart one!)

One Tree Hill

+ Brooke, the theme song, Chad Michael Murray

- the casual drinking and driving (I mean seriously these kids play a drinking game at a party and then casually hop into a car and drive home??), too much basketball and cheerleading (that's not a bad thing per se but I just don't really care about neither of these things), it just seems too stereotypical and kinda bland?? I couldn't really get into it

Otp: Naley

Notp: Peyton x Nathan

Best moment: Naley by the dock

Weirdest moment: "I guess I'm just a riddle, wrapped in a mystery inside a bitch." It's not really a bad moment but a cringy line. I guess the writers though they were being clever but it just sounded bad.

Dawson's Creek

+ the clothes, the 90s aesthetic, the 90s soundtrack, many movie references, Pacey is a sweetheart, Jen is a feminist icon, dealing with mental health issues through Andie (it's rare to see in shows as old as this)

- the slutshaming of Jen really hasn't aged well, the storyline of Pacey being statury raped by his much older teacher was mishandled (it was either treated as scandalous, cool or in Andie’s case somehow shameful), same goes for Jen’s backstory- it was mentioned she was raped at 12 by an older man and then never brought up again, Dawson is the most unlikable protagonist ever and his friendship/relationship with Joey is codependent and possessive, the dialogue is sometimes pretentious and unrealistic, the timeline doesn't really add up- I can never tell what time of the year it's supposed to be, because it looks like it's always fall for some reason. And how did they sophomore year have two homecomings?

Otps: Pacey x Andie, Pacey x Joey (yes, both at the same time)

Notp: Dawson x Joey

Best moments: Jen helping Joey when that jerk was spreading rumours about her and then Jen and Joey locking Abby in the closet together (I love it when they stick together instead of tearing each other down), Pacey and Joey bickering

Weirdest moments: when Joey was upset because Dawson didn’t want to tell her how often he “walks his dog”, when Jen was about to have a treesome at a party and Dawson walked into the room and carried her out despite her kicking and screaming

Glee

+ funny, Sue Sylvester's iconic, great covers and a way to find new songs, the performances are aesthetically pleasing, lgbtq+ representation, tackling of serious issues, coming out story, a father who’s accepting of his son’s sexuality right away despite not really understanding it (it’s so rare to see, that’s why it’s so refreshing), the plotlines are ridiculous but at least the show doesn't take itself too seriously

-as I already said the 1st season was great but after that it just seemed like the writers made up a checklist of hard issues they should tackle and tried to tackle every single one of them while covering every single song and it just fell flat. Prime example- Quinn ending up in a wheelchair getting into a car crash to warn us from drinking and driving, singing I’m Still Standing and then suddenly being able to walk normally after. a few episodes Rachel and Finn got almost all songs, while other characters were criminally underrated and underused (Tina, Quinn, Mercedes). The teachers are questionable to put it mildly. Cringy moments- Finn singing You're Having My Baby to Quinn in front of her parents when it wasn't even his baby! Also no one except of Kurt looks like they could be in high school. And why are these cheerleaders wearing their uniforms 24/7??

Otps: Brittana, Sam x Quinn, Tina x Artie (unpopular opinion, I know), Mr Schue x unemployment

Notp: Quinn x Finn

Best moments: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody

Weirdest moment: Rachel's gross and painfully awkward crush on Mr Schue, Mr Schue joining the Glee club on the stage for a performance of Toxic and girls in the audience cat calling him (Ewww)

Euphoria

+ Zendaya's and Jacob Elordi's performances, tackling of serious issues such as drug addiction and overdose, anxiety and depression, abusive relationships and abortion in a better manner than most (if not all) teen dramas, the aesthetics, makeup and wardrobe, the musical number in the finale, the special episodes giving us insight into the characters' psychology, toxic relationships not being romanticized (which is sadly rare), teenagers sounding like actual real life teens (no "I reject reality" crap)

- lack of comic relief (why so serious all the time), sexualization of teen characters (I know this is something many teen dramas are guilty of but it's the most evident here), too much nudity (I know some of you are going to come at me with: "But it's realistic!" So what? It is realitic that teenagers get naked when they go into shower but does it mean we have to see it?? It seems to me like this show is trying too hard to be "boundary pushing" at times and ends up being scandalous just for the sake of being scandalous), these characters just aren't believable as high school juniors to me (they sound like high schoolers but they certainly don’t act, look or dress that way). There's no reason this show couldn't have been set in college.

Otps: Rue x sobriety, Nate x prison

Notps: Nate x Maddy, Cassie x McKay

Best moments: "You did this to me!" and the musical number in the season 1 finale

Weirdest moment: the fact that Maddy lost her virginity at 14 to a 40-year-old man being mentioned so casually because apparently she was "totally in control". Excuse me what??

Skins

+ style and makeup- each character has a signature trademark (Sid and his beanie, Effy's eyeliner, Cassie's soft eyeshadow), their British accents, I'm pretty sure this is the only teen drama that follows multiple classes, teenage characters being played by actual teen actors, the characters looking like average people you meet in high school and not as if they just walked off the runway, dealing with serious issues such as drug abuse, eating disorder, parental abandonment etc (yes, some people claim the show romanticized it, but I disagree. It's not the show that romanticized it- it's the fans. The show tried to portray the dangers of drugs as well as possible. Think about it- every time characters used drugs it ended in a disaster. In the pilot they thought that Cassie overdosed and ended up crashing a car while rushing into the hospital. In later season Effy hit her friend in the head with a rock because she was having a bad trip. That's not romanticizing drugs.), Effy is iconic and honestly the first episode was enough to get me hooked

- every single teacher being a creep and having a thing for a student at some point, the show can get too dark and unncessarily dramatic at times. Did that many people have to die? Did Chris's death really have to be this graphic? Timeline doesn't really add up- are 8 episodes supposed to cover the whole year? It would've made more sense if there were more episodes in a season.

Otps: Chris x Jal, Emily x Naomi

Notps: Sid x Michelle

Best moment: ooh baby it's a wild world

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

The OC

+ more grounded in reality than many others on this list, the theme song, the love stories, Seth and Summer are funny, the friendships are believable and the whole group has great chemistry

- too many unneccessary fights, Luke is the worst, everyone is way too casual about drunk driving, these parents are WAAAY too chill (I know this can be said about many teen dramas but it's the most obvious here. How did the Roberts and the Coopers let two 16-year-old girls go to Mexico alone?? With no supervision?? What?)

Otps: Seth x Summer, Ryan x Marissa

Notp: Luke x Marissa

Best moments: the “oh no, there’s only one bed” in the Mexico episode, Seth and Summer's first kiss and that kiss at the yacht, Ryan and Marissa's first date by the pool

Weirdest moment: these parents letting their teenage kids go to Mexico alone. It's irresponsible when they're 16 but apparently they let them go there and party every year. What?

Gossip Girl

+ every episode having a clever title, the style, the makeup, the 00s soundtrack, the glamour of it all (it feels like reading a very gossipy magazine!), all the scandals, this show never pretends to portray the realitic teenage experience so it can pretty much be as far-fetched as it wants to and you can’t question it, it gives you a chance to live the fantasy of being super rich, living with a penthouse, riding a limo to school and going to parties in New York City every night

- the final reveal doesn't make any sense, just like with PLL these writers seemed to have put more thought into the outfits and makeup than into the plotlines, romantization of a toxic relationship, having every two straight characters date or hook up at some point, which just felt forced, mishandling of serious issues (Blair's eating disorder, Eric's suicide attempt and Serena and Jenny's sexual assault from the pilot being brought up when it's convenient but not really dealt with and brushed off at other times), sexualization of teen characters

Otps: Dan x Blair, Serena x Nate

Notps: Chuck x Blair

Best moments: the Thanksgiving flashbacks, Blair and Serena running around New York and taking selfies in stolen dresses, Nate and Serena’s first time (although it was better in the books) and then their kiss at the white party, the sheer scandal of "I killed someone", Dan giving Blair a plastic tiara to make her feel like a princess

Weirdest moments: Chuck's father returning from the death and then dying again, by yeeting himself off the roof

Freaks and Geeks

+ probably the most realistic teen drama there is, the characters dress the way I can see actual teens dressing, funny, but also heatbreaking at times, probably the only teen show that included an intersex character, the characters being a little stereotypical but self-aware at least, young James Franco and Jason Segel

- the bullying being a bit too much at times and it's a bit unrealistic that the teachers would do literally nothing about it, too short- I will never understand why this got cancelled

Otps: Daniel x Kim, Lindsay x Nick, Amy x Ken

Notps: Sam x Cindy

Best moments: Sam breaking down at the end of Garage Door, Daniel and Kim getting back together in the rain

Weirdest moment: Cindy doing a 180 and becoming super mean when she started dating Sam.

Gilmore Girls

+ so many movie, literary and music references, the quotable lines (what a great way to learn about new movies, books and bands! It’s so unique for a TV show to make you smarter), the witty banter, the comfort of the first few seasons (it really feels like wrapping a warm blanket around yourself while holding a hot cup of coffee, I can’t explain why, but it’s such a comfort show), the quirky small town with many unique festivals, many entertaining and snappy fights where everyone has a point, characters dealing with real world problems (seriously, how often do you see a storyline about termites? Or a teenager with zit cream on a teen drama show?), this is also one of the few shows where teenagers are shown to have rules and restrictions and curfews (finally some kids growing up with strict parents representation) and doing homework and studying and not just partying and drinking and having sex all the time and that’s so refreshing

- but while it is refreshing to see teenagers waiting to have sex and not doing it behind every corner, the show is kind of sex negative. Every single time a (female) character loses her virginity it ends in a disaster. Even when she loses it after she’s married! It doesn’t make any sense, unless the writers just really hated women. Also slutshaming (”I got the good kid!”) ewww. The money and budget doesn’t make much sense on the show either and the girls seem immune to calories. I know some people might come at me for this with: “But it’s just a show!” but I think it’s harmful to show beautiful, thin women eat nothing but tons of junkfood all the time and never excersize and then fatshame people who do excersize but aren’t fortunate enough to be blessed with amazing Gilmore genes, and then throw around tactless references to eating disorders.

Otps: Lane x Dave, Jess x Rory

Notps: Lane x Zach, Rory x Dean, Lorelai x Christopher

Best moments: Then She Appeared, Rory’s valedictorian speech, Lorelai’s graduation

Weirdest moment: Lorelai and Christopher getting married in Paris at 4am. That’s not how it works in Europe. Do Americans think every single Europian country works like Las Vegas, where you can just get married whenever you decide??

#teen dramas #these are just my opinions #so don't take it personally #u might disagree #but idrc

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priyaverma8454 · 4 years ago

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sparklyjojos · 4 years ago

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CARNIVAL DAY recaps [12/13]

Today’s recap: Explanations and more explanations, or: confronting Tsukumo Jaki, the tale of two brothers (ft. very important underwear), Seiryoin’s true identity, and wordplay upon wordplay upon wordplay.

Time passes in the Sanctuary. After Ajiro recovers, he and Hyouma talk a lot about their relations. [Basically they throw compliments at each other and it’s heartwarming.]

Now that Ajiro turned out to be okay, Hyouma wonders if they can save other people considered dead or missing. He makes a list of every important person [which I’m pretty sure is just Seiryoin’s way of reminding us what happened to all these characters].

The dead: Matsuo Tenmei (a JDC employee), Fuyuu Kasumi, Mito Muramasa, John Morse, Suzukaze Unomaru, Drexel Uryakov, Hazuma Kuroo, Sado Kutou, Ryuuguu Jounosuke, Fuumonji Jouka, Tierra, Silva (the old woman), Tsukumo Juku, Desert Colosseum, Ronely Queen, Ushiwaka Gigolo, Firannu Meirunesia, Somedaring Amagoi (probably?), the Dot who looked like Yuu.

The missing: Tousen Yomiko, Yakuma Suzume (the real one), Kirika Mai, Yuiga Dokuson, Sarutobi Shinobu, Manji Tawawa.

The living: Ajiro Souji, Yaiba Somahito, Tsukumo Nemu, Hikimiya Yuuya, Amagi Hyouma, Christmas Mizuno, Kakuusan Kanke, Ryuuguu Otohime, Diana Hosey, Zerofini Roi, Inugami Yasha, BOKU, Hanto Maimu & Kuraimu, Tanna Sazen, Endou Naoto (White), Ryuuou (Black), Joyeeta, Fabian, Pacha Palermo, Theodore Hosey, Aleksandr Uryakov, Lemuria Sullivan, Rudolf Strauss, the Dot that looks like Unomaru.

A pretty depressing list to look at. Maybe they can find someone who’s missing? Real Yakuma was probably made unfindable by Jaki. Experts have been searching for Yomiko and other detectives from the Robo-Ship for months now and found nothing. Dokuson disappeared of his own volition, and as Hyouma knew well, there was no stopping this guy once he set his mind to something. Probably they wouldn’t find Sarutobi either, or that Tawawa lady Hyouma doesn’t know a lot about. As for Kirika, it looks to Hyouma like she had an important reason to temporarily withdraw, and that “suicide letter” was a trick to allow her to disappear for now.

If they can’t find the missing people, maybe they can check if someone considered dead isn’t actually alive?—and with that thought, Hyouma sets his eyes on “Saburou”, the Dot who looks like Unomaru. Sure, RISE told them that entire story about Unomaru escaping the Sanctuary and dying in riots in Jakarta, but maybe it was actually the imposter who died?

To test his theory, Hyouma plays Uno with “Saburou” for a good three days. (It’s weird that you can order Uno cards through the Sanctuary's conveyor belt system, but hey, not complaining). He introduces a household rule that instead of “uno”, they have to yell “ooo-one!” [a part of Unomaru’s pre-asskicking catchphrase that we last heard like a thousand and a half pages ago, in the Cape of Good Hope chapter].

While they’re playing, Hyouma explains that Unomaru (if it is him) has nothing to fear, because this whole thing about “Ra” punishing the Dots has to be a lie. Instead, every Dot has a bomb in their head that automatically detonates if they get too flustered—but Hyouma has good reasons to believe this doesn’t apply to Unomaru.

After three days of playing, “Saburou” says their usual “...ooo-one!” and puts his next-to-last card down. Then he slowly recalls the other lines— “...people live to solve mysteries…”—and by the time he finishes his badass catchphrase, JDC detective Suzukaze Unomaru finally remembers who he truly is.

Hyouma explains why he thought Black’s statement about Unomaru dying was suspicious. First of all, Black claimed Unomaru had been snatched from the ship, brainwashed for a full month (two weeks of failure and two weeks of “let’s do this instead”), then sent with other Dots to the Loch Ness case. However, the cases by the Cape of Good Hope (September 14th) and Loch Ness (October 12th) didn’t have a full month between them. Small, but still a contradiction.

Unomaru admits he was very lucky the first brainwashing failed; had it succeeded, he would probably have been manipulated into dying in Jakarta instead of the imposter.

How did Hyouma know Unomaru didn’t have a bomb planted inside him? First, he didn’t explode like the rest of the Dots in the Earth House. Second, it was in RISE’s interest that neither him nor the imposter should have bombs; RISE wanted to use specifically one of them in the Borobudur case, which would be hard if they accidentally blew themselves up beforehand.

The bombs explode when detecting signs of high stress, which is why the Dots are brainwashed to keep their cool at all times… except for when they’re speaking against RISE. The explosions can probably also be triggered at the time of Billion Killer cases if there’s a need for three bodies.

Now that Hyouma proved Unomaru was Unomaru, he hopes Black Rook is actually their good old friend Ryuuguu Jounosuke. Black already did things that seemed like he was subconsciously trying to give the detectives hints—like making that mistake about time, or putting Uno cards into the computer order line-up…

...and as Hyouma is talking about it with Unomaru, he realizes that Black and White have sneaked into the room behind him. Black says that actually, he himself is no longer so sure about who he is, and his memories still refuse to come back. White says they should all get to the meeting room for yet another round of explanations.

Everyone is already waiting for them at the table [Ajiro too], except for Nemu. She shows up a bit later with two new people: a person in a bull mask and silver clothes, and a hunched old woman with a hood over her face.

Nemu says she discovered another way out of the Moonbow Palace. Its tower leads all the way up to the surface—and to the Temple of Apollo in Delphi. When Nemu went there, this masked person had been already waiting for her, and then they were both led back to the Sanctuary by the old lady, who Nemu recognized as the “soul of Pytia” she had talked with once. (So that’s where “Pytia” was disappearing to—a secret passage under the temple floor.)

The old woman points to the masked person and says that even though that man wears the mask, he’s not RS. The masked person says that there’s no further need for this masquerade.

The old woman takes the hood off—and reveals himself as Lemuria Sullivan.

The bull mask person also unmasks themselves, and—everyone’s greeted by the devilish smile of Yuiga Dokuson.

Then Dokuson says that White should remove his mask too, because how else will everyone be able to see that he’s Endou Masato, or “Yakuma Suzume”, or “Endou Naoto”, or “Lord Enma”, or “Tsukumo Jaki”, or whichever other name he prefers?

White pulls down his mask, and though he still looks like Endou Naoto, glasses and all, he admits he is the man they once knew as “Yakuma Suzume”.

Dokuson explains that this man, Endou Masato, just loves killing people and disguising himself as them with the help of plastic surgery. He had thirty-nine different identities until now, including “Yakuma Suzume” and “Amagi Hyouma”.

Endou Masato corrects him that it’s forty-two identities, thank you, then says that hey, all people need some variation in their lives and he has yet to find anything as fun as disguises, can you blame him? And he doesn’t always kill the person he impersonates, sometimes he just locks them up, commits a bunch of crimes in their name, and then releases them back to vengeful society. Now that the human race is about to be destroyed, he chose the face of his older brother Naoto, the real White Rook, to end with. You know how when Hyouma arrived in the Sanctuary, he saw both “Yakuma” and White Rook together? That was the last time anyone saw the real White / Naoto, as right afterwards Masato murdered him and took his place.

Dokuson comments that there sure were a lot of imposters in the Crime Olympics, and the mastermind behind it all was this here Endou Masato / Tsukumo Jaki, for whom this entire chaos was more than welcome. The more everyone was confused about who’s real and who’s not, the more they wouldn’t focus on White. If not for Dokuson, the detectives would never guess the truth. Dokuson states very dramatically that his mission is to stop Jaki’s actions.

Jaki admits that the Billion Killer cases have been technically stopped thanks to Dokuson, but they no longer need them this close to the great finale, as no one can possibly stop the destruction of humanity, and what is Dokuson even going to do with Jaki, kill him?

Dokuson will not kill him, because he can see that Jaki clearly isn’t afraid of death, and it’d be hard to pull out information from a corpse. Jaki’s actually fine with telling Dokuson everything—but it looks like they both need to give the others a whole lot of explanations first.

First of all: Tsukumo Jaki, Lemuria Sullivan, and Yuiga Dokuson are all in the first group of Akuren, their numbers being respectively 664, 665 and 666. Jaki got into the first group quickly because of his “splendid achievements”, while Sullivan and Dokuson graduated from lower groups.

We should stress once more that Akuren is not quite an organization, but a dark information network that a chosen list of people can access to find pretty much any secret data possible (except for anything about the top guys from the first group, of course). Dokuson learned a lot about the Pure Ultimate Evil guys’ plans from there.

The evil guys have been trying to kill everyone on Earth including themselves for a very long time now, which often went down in history as major wars, including the two World Wars / the first two Crime Olympics. Finally, they planned a third one that was supposed to last for seven months starting July 1999.

Akuren’s partner in crime was supposed to be an organization called R CURE, but in reality they attempted to keep the world in harmony (according to their own sense of “justice according to the majority”, which called for the human race surviving). RISE was created to follow in R CURE’s footsteps and make sure humanity isn’t destroyed.

RISE managed to hurry the planned 1999 Crime Olympics to start in 1996 instead—which also meant the event would last longer, so the daily death toll would be lower and there would be more time to act. Akuren saw through their plans, but pretended not to notice for now, because RISE were the ones with the Billion Killer, Alive, and the Cosmic Bomb. And so RISE pretended they wanted to kill everyone while actually trying to find a way to let humanity continue.

Trying to gain advantage over RISE, Akuren sent out Tsukumo Jaki to breathe down their necks. It was actually a sort of a tradition; since about three centuries ago, R CURE was always supervised by someone from Akuren’s first group, who they called Ten no Jaki (天の邪鬼). Incidentally, that name became the origin of an identically written term amanojaku (a kind of a demon). That “Ten no” part was later omitted, with the successive supervisors called simply “the second Jaki”, “the third Jaki”, and so on, up to the current “ninety-ninth Jaki”. The current Jaki knew that RISE’s plan would include a detective called Tsukumo Juku, so just for the sake of symbolism he slightly changed his own title so it would be read “Tsukumo Jaki”.

Akuren and Jaki have so much power over RISE that RS is honestly nothing more than a political puppet manipulated as they please. RS is quite deluded as to his own superiority, believes that Jaki is fully loyal to him, and no one would be able to convince him otherwise.

While Jaki was busy supervising RISE, Dokuson managed to get his name into the first group of Akuren, simultaneously working with DOLL and JDC to save humanity (out of his own self-interest, of course) and aiming to confront Jaki. He gathered a lot of information thanks to Akuren’s network, though still didn’t know as much as Jaki or Sullivan. (Then again, Jaki and Sullivan didn’t know everything about RISE either.)

Jaki has deftly manipulated both RISE and Akuren into a situation where the destruction of humanity can no longer be stopped. Jaki doesn’t really care that he’s going to die too; it’s enough for him to see humanity in despair. He’s the sort of guy who just loves to torture and kill someone’s family in front of them, to take away everything they love before finishing them off, and this cruelty is how he made it to the first group of Akuren so fast. Not that he would ever pay attention to some uninteresting small fries instead of strong, worthy opponents. He believes the strongest people are the ones willing to endanger their lives, who don’t have anything to lose. And since Jaki considers Dokuson to be one such formidable foe, he’s willing to tell him a bit about a method to save humanity.

On August 10th, a strong explosive will be used on the Moon to push it slightly out of orbit, and the Earth’s gravity will do the rest. The explosive in question is actually in the Sanctuary right now, installed in that giant column in the middle, which is set to automatically shoot out like a rocket to the Moon when the time comes.

There’s only one person who can possibly stop it, and they’re right there—as he says this, Jaki points to Black Rook.

But is that man actually Black Rook, or is he the detective Ryuuguu Jounosuke? Black himself is extremely confused and repeats that he thinks he remembers being Black Rook, but any details are escaping him.

Jaki states that neither him nor the previous White brainwashed Black, so this confusion must just be an aftereffect of Alive. He claims he’s telling the truth when he says that the man right there is Ryuuou / Black Rook and not the original Ryuuguu Jounosuke. Sorry, everyone, but no convenient plot twist is going to happen here.

But Otohime thinks Jaki’s lying, as she has a logical basis to think Black is Jounosuke. The only reason she hasn’t said anything until now was because she believed he would snap out of it on his own.

Jaki seems surprised and says that oh dear, perhaps he should have expected that Otohime would meddle into his plans, considering he had already heard about her, the eighth S-detective—well, so far only a candidate for the eighth S-detective, the one who surpassed even her detective brother in reasoning skills.

Otohime denies her talent, but her friends rush in with reassurance. (Except for Dokuson, who of course states they should make HIM the eighth S-detective instead, which makes everyone else laugh and leads to Hyouma and Dokuson bickering, and Jaki kind of lost control over the room at this point, honestly).

But back to the point. Otohime warns that it’s a little embarrassing, but her definite proof is—underwear. One time when she was alone with Black in the Dragon’s Center, she asked him if he was wearing black briefs. Black answered that no, he had gray boxers on, what of it? Pressed for more explanations, he said that although he woke up from Alive wearing white trunks—which was also the only kind of underwear he found in his room later—he ordered gray boxers through the computer system.

The point of this story might not be obvious, but as Jounosuke’s older sister, Otohime knows that after a certain point in his childhood he would insist on wearing only a very specific kind of underwear—black briefs.

Then why the gray boxers? Perhaps someone who’s subconsciously a mixture of Jounosuke and Black wouldn’t choose something that only one of these men is supposed to like (black briefs or white trunks), but take a third option in-between (gray boxers). Or maybe Jounosuke subconsciously wanted black briefs, but Sanctuary didn’t have any available, so he settled on the next best thing.

Jaki admits that it’s an interesting theory. While Otohime isn’t exactly wrong, she’s not completely right either. See, Jaki had already told them the truth: the man standing there is Ryuuou / Black Rook, and not the original Ryuuguu Jounosuke.

Let’s repeat that statement in a way they can understand. The man over there is Ryuuou and Black Rook. He is also the JDC detective known as Ryuuguu Jounosuke. However, he isn’t the original Ryuuguu Jounosuke.

The detective they know is the clone.

Jaki starts a long tale about the two brothers.

For simplicity’s sake, let’s call the original man born in 1968 (the one who’s dead) “Ryuuguu”, and the clone born in 1971 (the JDC detective) “Jounosuke”.

Ryuuguu spent the first three years of life travelling with his parents all over the world in order to naturally pick up foreign accents, which was necessary for his future role of Black Rook. However, he suffered from childhood claustrophobia, and if it persisted into adulthood, it would make life in the Sanctuary impossible for him.

That flaw was fixed with his clone Jounosuke, who was brought up in the Sanctuary from the start. This prevented the development of claustrophobia, but limited the time he spent with foreigners and the outside world in general, so he ended up a little worse with languages than Ryuuguu. Still, he was enough of a language genius that he would fit the role of Black Rook.

However, there was a… problem with Jounosuke. No one knew whether it was a side-effect of cloning, or the influence of his environment, or what, but Jounosuke had never once cried, not even as a baby. It’s like he was always instinctually showing just happiness; even when hungry or in pain, he would keep smiling to the point everyone else found it eerie. It’s not that being happy and hopeful was a flaw, but RISE wasn’t sure whether Jounosuke would fit the serious role of Black Rook responsible for the fate of humanity. All attempts at “correcting” the boy’s personality failed. Preschool age Jounosuke still seemed free of any negative thoughts, as if some vital human part was missing from him.

In the end, RISE decided to take the gamble and switch the two boys around. Ryuuguu was taken back into the Sanctuary, while Jounosuke started a new life with his family in the outside world. The switch happened in 1977, when Otohime was twelve, Ryuuguu was nine, and Jounosuke was six. Since Jounosuke was still so young, it was easy to brainwash him into believing he’d been living in his family’s house since birth, with fake memories seeming perfectly real and all the knowledge of the Sanctuary repressed. Otohime didn’t notice the switch, as it happened while her parents and brother were on yet another long trip.

Ryuuguu had at this point in life grown out of his childhood fears, and without any brainwashing accepted his role in the Sanctuary with no complaint. He inherited the name “Ryuuou” from his brother and worked hard as Black Rook.

Meanwhile, Jounosuke had to integrate into the outside society full of new, surprising things. His overly positive thinking slowly evened out into a full spectrum of emotions, and in the end he grew up to be a sensitive young man and a wonderful JDC detective.

But even though the switch had been successful, it didn’t mean the two brothers changed completely. Ryuuguu was still yearning for wide open spaces of the outside world, and perhaps the choice of white underwear was a subconscious act of quiet rebellion against the black uniform that symbolized his confinement. Jounosuke went into the opposite direction, subconscious nostalgia for his childhood in the Sanctuary making him love closed spaces and black clothes to the point he would feel upset unless he wore all black.

Jounosuke was also left with a whole plethora of other eccentricities.

As a child he had lived mainly among the Dots, who weren’t allowed to have any personal identifying traits, so he didn’t really understand the concept of dividing people into genders. But then the outside world turned out to be quite preoccupied with acting like people of different genders were completely different beings. Perplexed Jounosuke had to get used to this social rule somehow, and so he on purpose started adding gendered suffixes to everyone’s name.

Though Jounosouke had his memories blocked, he still instinctively understood that there were two of him, and to subconsciously affirm that he was now “the real one”, he would always talk about himself in third person, “Ryuuguu”.

His love for languages obviously came from his childhood, and so did his personality that seemed always cheerful and full of love.

His talent for breaking machines came from the fact that he was trained to control various machinery of the Sanctuary. It might sound counterintuitive, but when you really think about it, breaking any device instantly requires a whole lot of mechanical knowledge and skill. Brainwashed Jounosuke was subconsciously trying to protect the Sanctuary’s secrets and avoid being found out as ex-Master, so he broke everything he touched as if to say “look how awful I am with machines, I can’t possibly be that guy”.

Let’s talk about the Master’s role a bit. As we know, all the Sanctuary’s Machines are robots, who are programmed to only react to the voice of “Ryuuguu Jounosuke” (either brother would do).

When the Sanctuary was completed in 1971, the next twenty seven years worth of cruise plans had already been programmed into the system. Even if something happened to the Master, the Sanctuary would keep moving along with the Crime Olympics plan, including automatically shooting out the Cosmic Bomb explosive on August 10th 1997. Only the Master would be able to abort this program in some secret way. Unfortunately, only the older brother Ryuuguu knew how to do it, and he’s gone now.

When he was still alive, Ryuuguu was told by RS (but actually by Jaki pulling the strings behind the scenes) that he was destined to die in a certain number of days. Trying to avoid his fate, Ryuuguu decided to perform yet another switch with his brother.

Preparations required Ryuuguu to infect Jounosuke with the Alive virus at the right time. This could be done with use of the virus vector, white powder known as Godust—from “God Dust”, as in “will degrade even a god into dust”.

Incidentally, Tamei Madoka’s last words were a hint about Alive; when she said “Godust… Alive… sh…”, she was trying to say “sugar”. RISE spread Alive so fast by putting Godust into commercially sold sugar, and the miraculous disappearance of the disease was achieved by spreading the vaccine the same way.

Jounosuke was infected when he was in the Parisian cafe with Nemu and Hikimiya (that waiter who died was one of RISE, by the way).

When Jounosuke later went to Peru and finally developed serious symptoms, Ryuuguu sneaked into the hospital and performed a switch with some help from White Rook (who was back then the actual Doctor / Naoto, not disguised Jaki / Masato). Jounosuke was taken to the Sanctuary and given the vaccine, but was still kept asleep.

With that out of the way, Ryuuguu was free to impersonate his brother, keeping distance from Christmas so he wouldn’t notice anything. Ryuuguu made a pretty bold move by taking advantage of Jouka’s feelings for Jounosuke and proposing to her. It seemed awful to trick someone like that, but when he continued to drop hints that he wasn’t the Jounosuke she knew, Jouka seemed to still love him for who he was, and he ended up developing feelings for her. Ryuuguu became trapped between the hope of love and the despair of possible death.

In a tragic irony, Ryuuguu ended up dying in the plane crash on the destined day specifically because of his efforts to avoid fate. Just like Jounosuke, he subconsciously developed an anti-talent for machines to avoid being found out as the Master. But unlike experienced Jounosouke, Ryuuguu didn’t pay enough attention and unwittingly broke the plane engine during the checkup. When the plane was about to crash later, he realized he wouldn’t be able to use a parachute either, as he would just break the activation device. No matter how much he tried to run, his fate was to die. (“So this is fate…” he said. “Nothing can save you from it… Ryuuguu Jounosuke dies here…”)

Now for the reason why Jounosuke acted like Black Rook when he woke up… Back when the brothers switched in the hospital in Peru, Ryuuguu only had to say a few right words to convince Jounosuke to “return” to being the Master. Feverish Jounosuke was so vulnerable to suggestion that his mind pulled his hidden memories back to the forefront of consciousness. He still had all those memories of being a JDC detective, but became convinced that those events actually happened to his brother, and he had just been observing them through cameras.

Jounosuke didn’t notice anything wrong until he realized he didn’t remember the way to stop the Cosmic Bomb. He tried to ask White about his identity, but White (who was already Jaki) wouldn’t give him a straightforward answer.

...at least not until now. As Jaki’s finishing the story, Black Rook slowly remembers who he is and takes off the mask.

“I am…” he starts. “I see… I am—no, Ryuuguu is the JDC detective Ryuuguu Jounosuke!”

All the detectives are overwhelmed with joy at the return of their friend, but Jaki isn’t done explaining things quite yet.

Fuumonji Jouka was certain that “Ryuuguu Jounosuke” was two people and wanted to investigate the matter in full. She was also intrigued by the mystery of the two Ryuusuis (Dakushoin and Seiryoin), and thought that maybe the two “Ryuuguu Jounosukes” had something to do with them.

Before the JDC explosion, Jouka opened the sealed envelope from Dakushoin she’d been holding onto since right after Geneijo, and found Another Joker inside. This title seemed like it predicted her detective nickname; Another Joker sounded like anata Jouka (“you’re Jouka”). The D-name Fuumonji Jouka was given to her by Jounosuke. Thinking about this, she noticed that Dakushoin’s handwriting was quite similar to Jounosuke’s, and she recalled the two understanding each other well back in Genejio. Was there a deeper connection between the two men? Despite Dokuson’s warnings, Jouka kept investigating, got too close to the truth, and ended up murdered.

Let’s finally explain the very confusing pen names and writers. We came to the conclusion that the pen name “Dakushoin Ryuusui” was used by Tamei Madoka, while “Minase Nagisa” was her brother Tamei Hidetaka—except that Hidetaka wasn’t actually a writer. Everything he “wrote” (including works published under the name “Minase Nagisa”) was actually the work of a third person, who would later write Cosmic and Joker as “Seiryoin Ryuusui”.

That mysterious third writer was the original Ryuuguu.

Ryuuguu would send a manuscript to Hidetaka, who would send it to Madoka, who would publish it under the name “Minase Nagisa” (so the publishing company thought Nagisa was Madoka). Madoka’s own works would be sent to her brother Hidetaka, who would publish them as “Dakushoin Ryuusui”.

Tamei Hidetaka had been chosen as the one pretending to be the writer specifically because his sensibilities were similar to Ryuuguu��s. This incidentally meant that Hidetaka would quickly become genuine friends with Jounosuke, who as a clone had a lot in common with Ryuuguu.

That other person in Geneijo who resembled Tamei Hidetaka a lot, Employee D / Kanai Hidetaka, was RISE’s Dog. His similarity to Tamei in both looks and name caused the detectives to easily remember him. This was important to RISE, as later on they would send Employee D to China with a message that would force Inugami Yasha to return to Japan.

Maybe the old legend about seeing your doppelganger and dying held some merit; Ryuuguu died soon after switching with Jounosuke, Employee D after meeting Tamei Hidetaka.

RISE had to orchestrate a lot of things for their plan to work. Ajiro’s trusted mentor Shiranui Zenzou was a Dog, and it was due to his strong encouragement that Ajiro created Nihon Tantei Club after the Ajiro Family Murder Case. That case and the Saimon Family Murder Case guaranteed that the “main cast” all met each other: Ajiro, Shiranui, Hyouma, Juku, Nemu, Jounosuke, Otohime… RISE paid particular attention to developing Tsukumo Juku. Solving the Geneijo Murder Case let him become an S-detective, and the Locked Room Lord case gave him international trust and fame.

As it was said multiple times, RISE pretended to follow the plan of destroying humanity, but they actually wanted the Crime Olympics to be solved in the middle in order to save the human race. They didn’t think the other six S-detectives would be able to solve it, though. The only ray of hope was Tsukumo Juku, but then Jaki saw through RISE’s secret plan and had Juku assassinated.

(Jaki says that Geneijo and Locked Room Lord cases had a whole lot of other meanings too, but that’d be too long to explain in detail, so let’s just go back to Ryuuguu and the writers.)

We explained that Ryuuguu effectively used a chain of two writers to hide behind. At the same time, he also prepared to become “Seiryoin Ryuusui”. As a RISE executive, he had knowledge of what the big cases would look like and could describe them in Cosmic and Joker. He even planned on writing an entry about the Crime Olympics, Carnival, but untimely death put a stop to his plans.

Aside from his writings, Ryuuguu left two other things behind with help of White (the real one).

The first thing was someone who would continue his work in chronicling all the events as “Seiryoin”. They chose a suitable man called Nakamoto Hiroya, brainwashed him, and delivered him to JDC’s doorstep as a perfect candidate for the next “Seiryoin Ryuusui”. Even if both Ryuuguu and White died (which they did), Nakamoto would continue writing.

The other thing Ryuuguu left was his and Jouka’s child.

Aware that he might not be able to avoid death, Ryuuguu wanted to at least pass on life. A few days before his fate would be decided, he told Jouka that he had left his semen with a trusted doctor, and that in case of his death he’d like her to use it to have their child, or at least find someone who would carry the child instead. The doctor in question was of course White Rook / Endou Naoto, who at that time pretended to be Hanto Maimu’s doctor “Shindou Masato”.

After Ryuuguu’s death, Jouka talked to “doctor Shindou Masato”, but still hesitated on whether she wanted to carry the child herself. In the end, she had her eggs retrieved and said she’d decide later, but before she could make up her mind, she was murdered.

White decided to use Ryuuguu’s and Jouka’s cells for in vitro fertilization anyway. The surrogate mother would be Ryuuguu’s own mother Kaguya.

By the way, Kaguya is right now waiting for them all in Heaven / El Dorado. (And it would take really long to explain El Dorado, so let’s leave the topic for later.)

That would be it for the explanations for now.

Ajiro thanks Dokuson for taking care of JDC in his absence. Dokuson answers that no thanks are needed, because he was doing it out of his own interest anyway. Also, a man as great as Ajiro doesn’t have to address Dokuson per -san. And also, Dokuson has simply borrowed the JDC representative’s chair for a moment, but its rightful owner has always been Ajiro.

Ajiro doesn’t want to relegate the responsibility over ending the Crime Olympics to anyone else, but Dokuson tells him he shouldn’t feel responsible for something he can’t stop. He can’t help much with the Cosmic Bomb, and the Billion Killer is more of an unstoppable force of nature than a tangible enemy you could fight.

Ajiro announces he’s going to suspend JDC activities for now, then spend possibly the last month he has somewhere. Dokuson offers his help, but Ajiro firmly says that he has to go back to JDC by himself and doesn’t want to risk the lives of anyone else.

A few days later, the Sanctuary approaches Japan to both let Ajiro leave and to pick up the last few guests: Yasha, BOKU, Nakamoto Hiroya, and Strong J Outa. (They will get Kanke when they get to Easter Island later.). Ajiro entrusts the fate of humanity to Jounosuke and leaves.

Now that Jounosuke is back to his machine-breaking self, Jaki warns him against touching anything in Dragon’s Center. Jounosuke can still command the Machines with his voice, and RISE even has advanced voice-changers that would allow others to also give directions. However, major orders like diverting the Sanctuary from its pre-programmed path would have to be confirmed by a hand scan, which would involve a lot of touching.

The entire Sanctuary is full of hand-scan panels and other devices, so Jounosuke gets Jaki to work as his hands and (just in case) voice to command everything. (Jaki doesn’t fear death, but agrees it’d be pretty stupid to accidentally drown on the way to El Dorado). They register two rooms as belonging to Christmas, so that Jounosuke can live in one with Christmas opening the door and ordering food for him.

Jounosuke tries to simply order the Machines to stop the Cosmic Bomb, but they just shake their heads. He asks one of them questions and learns that if he hypothetically did touch and mess up the computers, the system would notice something was wrong, and the explosive would be automatically shot to the Moon. (Cue everyone looking at Jounosuke like he’s a mad bomber and telling him to PLEASE not touch anything.)

The Billion Killer cases have stopped, but the detectives keep hearing about strange incidents in the world outside. Tasmania smashes into mainland Australia. Hong Kong is out of power and on fire. On July 5th—the day they drop off Ajiro in Japan—the legendary continent Mu shows up and causes the Carnival Wave. On July 12th, a dragon shows up around the Marianas, flies to Easter Island, topples the Moai statues, and disappears underwater. (This dragon’s existence is likely easy to explain, considering RISE’s various weird vehicles.)

After the dragon case, RISE has now gathered everyone they wanted in the Sanctuary, in order of appearance: Unomaru, Jounosuke, Otohime, Nemu, Christmas, Hyouma, Diana, Maimu & Kuraimu, Yaiba, Yasha, BOKU, Strong J Outa, Nakamoto, and Kanke. The fourteen people not counting the baby all fit perfectly at the round table (there’s thirteen chairs, but Otohime has her wheelchair). It feels like this “new” guest list had been planned from the start.

Once everyone shared their experiences with others, new theories were made.

Kanke told them about how nine skulls of the Billion Killer were left on the beach during the dragon case. Counting from the very beginning of the Crime Olympics, we had forty-three skulls (from JDC explosion to Mount Roraima), then a break, and then these nine. Together it made fifty-two, the number of weeks in a year.

Christmas remembered the dying message a tourist left on the Easter Island beach in the first Moai case [from the very beginning of Carnival]: a crude drawing of a bird and the letters NAS. This could refer to the Nazca condor, but perhaps it was also a message that the dragon would attack the island much later?

Jounosuke deciphers NAS as possibly meaning “New Attack Submarine”, which could be tied to the Robo-Ship… but more likely to the Sanctuary—perhaps the victim was trying to say they saw it at the moment of the attack? This made sense, considering that Christmas got to the scene incredibly quickly, but still didn’t run into any Dots. They had to have already retreated back to the Sanctuary, so it had to be nearby during the case. Perhaps when the Dots were dropping off the skull, they said something about the future case with a flying dragon, and the one tourist who was still clinging to life overheard it and drew a picture to warn people.

Back to the nine skulls, they were found all facing the same direction. That’s not all, the original skull left on the beach after the first Moai case was also turned the same way. Jounosuke (very carefully) uses the computers in Dragon’s Center to gather data on how all the other skulls were positioned—at least those that weren’t moved by people, washed off by water etc., which leaves him twenty-six to work with, half of the total. Some like the Mount Everest one seem to point out not only a flat direction, but also altitude / depth.

It quickly turns out that rather than finding a single point on Earth that all these skulls were looking at, they need to find what they were looking away from: the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

Jounosuke still can’t think of a way to stop the Cosmic Bomb. He tries to pull more information from the computers, but it looks like Jaki had erased a lot of data. Having run out of easy solutions, Jounosuke finally turns to his own reasoning—searching for clues in words.

Jounosuke gathers everyone to tell them what he found in the oldest clue of the Crime Olympics: Another Joker and the bonanzagram within it. As we remember, Jounosuke had already solved the bonanzagram and realized an anagram of the twenty-eight letters he got would create the phrase Hanzai gorin sugu koko de kaimaku, “the Crime Olympics will start here soon”.

But now Jounosuke realized it wasn’t the only perfect anagram that could be made using the provided letters. In fact, he found fifty, all of them clues about things that already happened or that would happen. Whether or not the original Ryuuguu who wrote Another Joker intended to put in all these anagrams, they certainly made sense to his clone.

Most the anagrams were vague, symbolic and convoluted, so even though Jounosuke thought they all had their meaning, he picked “the best ten” to explain. [He still encourages others to hunt for clues by picking keywords like a person’s name or a place and trying to make the other letters fit around it in an anagram. It feels like the author is challenging the reader, too. Note that a specific romanization is used, so Ji = Zi, Shi = Si, Fu = Hu etc., and long vowels are most often ignored.]

Jounosuke’s Ten Anagrams:

1. KORI NO ZIMEN HA KUDO GAU GA SIKAKU

[氷の地面は空洞・ギャウが死角]

— “[At] the ground of ice, a cave / gjá is a blindspot”

The “ground of ice” is Iceland. Gjá is an Icelandic term meaning giant fissures created by earthquakes, much like the one that hosted Shangri-La.

2. KODAI MOZI R GENGO KAKUSANAI KUHU

[古代文字R言語、隠さない工夫]

— “Ancient letters R language, not-hidden scheme [or figuring out something]”

Jounosuke isn’t sure why R language would be ancient, considering it’s so similar to modern Japanese, but the second part must refer to how it allows for figuring out secrets hidden in Japanese.

3. KAKU DE ZINRUI SAIGO HAKKAGU MOON

[核で人類最後、発火具・MOON]

— “With nuclear [weapons] the last of humanity, firing tool [weapon]: Moon”

This one’s obvious: a nuclear explosion will cause the Moon to fall and destroy humanity.

4. AEGI NOMU ZINKO DRUG HAKAIKOSAKU

[喘ぎ、飲む人工ドラッグ破壊工作]

— “[Inhalable?], drink[able] man-made drug[-related] subversive activities”

The “man-made drug” is Godust, which RISE was secretly mixing into sugar.

5. AKUREN HA DAIZIN KOKKA MO SUGU GOI

[悪連は大臣・国家もすぐ合意]

— “Akuren [has] agreement [with] ministers, countries”

Akuren has frightening influence behind the scenes to the point they can control countries.

6. AKU NO DR KOHAI KAONAKI SUZUME GIG

[悪のドクター後輩、顔なき雀ギグ]

— “Evil Dr kouhai [junior employee], the faceless Suzume[’s] gig”

“Faceless Suzume” is of course Endou Masato, who right now is the “evil doctor-kouhai” (as he killed the older “senpai”, his brother Naoto). A “gig” refers to the impersonation.

7. HIGAN MU UKI DOKURO SIKAKE GA NAZO

[悲願（彼岸？）、ムー浮き髑髏、仕掛けが謎]

— “Higan (?), Mu floating skull, the trick is a mystery”

Higan can have many meanings (“nirvana”? “One’s dearest wish”? “Budda’s vow to save humanity?”), but Jounosuke can’t figure out what it would mean in this context. “Mu floating” means the mysterious continent showing up, and the trick behind it is still unknown. The mention of the skull hints there’s a connection between the Billion Killer and the Mu case (was it actually a Billion Killer case?).

8. IKAKU USA HIKOKI GENZO DRAGON UMA

[威嚇USA飛行機、幻像ドラゴンUMA]

— “A threatening USA plane, phantom dragon UMA”

“UMA” can mean a horse in Japanese (possibly connected to Another Joker?), but it’s also the abbreviation for Unidentified Mysterious Animal. What that “threatening USA plane” is isn’t that clear. The “phantom dragon UMA” must be referring to what was spotted by the Marianas and Easter Island, so it probably was just a plane or another vehicle shaped like a dragon.

9. GOD NG MARIANA KAIKOU HE SUZUKI OK

[探偵神NG、マリアナ海溝へ鈴木OK]

— “GOD NG, to Mariana Trench Suzuki OK”

GOD NG doesn’t exactly tell them a lot, but Jounosuke was able to pull some meaning out of it. “GOD” might refer to Tsukumo Juku, the God of Detectives. NG is a colloquial Japanese abbreviation for “NO GOOD” (not allowed, unacceptable), so perhaps “GOD NO GOOD” refers to Juku having been murdered. “Suzuki” is probably the editor detective Cappuccino Knob Suzuki (who apparently loves to say OK a lot), and the Mariana Trench is the location of El Dorado.

10. GUZO SAIMON GA DNA KEIKAKU HURIKO

[偶像・彩紋がDNA計画不履行]

— “Saimon the [religious] idol [has?] not fulfilled the DNA plan” [or his plan was not fulfilled???]

Jounosuke has no idea what on earth this could mean. (Another of the fifty anagrams said “the past of the Saimon Family [Murder Case?] is a mystery”, but that’s not very helpful.) The one thing he can decipher is that “Saimon the idol” doesn’t mean Juku (whose birth family name was Saimon), but his father Ryuusui. The magician’s name showing up here probably hints at his Miraculous Illusions having been stolen and used for the Billion Killer cases. But what on earth would the “DNA plan” refer to?… Here’s hoping this and many other mysteries will be explained very soon.

And so our detectives head to El Dorado, and the battle for humanity’s survival is slowly nearing its end.

[>>>NEXT PART>>>]

#sparkly reads carnival day #maijo and jdc stuff #this is the moment that made me believe seiryoin sold his soul to satan for wordplay skills #how on earth do you even come up with something this convoluted. dang

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acsversace-news · 7 years ago

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“They say people who don't have much more living to do come to live by the beach."

Andrew Cunanan (Darren Criss) arrived in Miami Beach, Florida in early May ‘97, having already murdered four people in the five weeks preceding his move. At the time, there was a nationwide manhunt for the twenty-seven-year-old spree killer, and a month later he made the FBI's Most Wanted List. Upon arriving, he struck up a friendship with a local hustler, Ronnie (Max Greenfield), who was suffering from AIDS. Andrew began tricking – targeting older, wealthy men, while free-basing with his new partner in crime at a rundown roach motel. All the while, Andrew would buy disposable cameras and snap photos of Gianni Versace's (Edgar Ramírez) mansion, telling Ronnie he knew the famous fashion mogul, and that they were even partners in San Francisco at one point (to which Ronnie would just shrug, knowing the kid was full of shit).

There were numerous instances where Cunanan was almost caught before putting two bullets in Versace on July 15, 1997. The FBI knew the shooter was headed to Miami Beach, and even alerted local authorities. However, when detectives offered to take FBI Agents Evans (Jay R. Ferguson) and Gruber (Christine Horn) on a tour of local gay night spots, and even help hang their B&W Most Wanted fliers, Evans waved off the invitation, instead wanting to canvas Ft. Lauderdale beaches for potential targets. Cunanan pawned a gold coin he took from the home of one of his victims using his real name and Miami address a week before murdering Gianni, but the shop owner (Cathy Moriarty) didn't know it was him, because there was no photo hanging on her usual board of potentially suspicious clients. A deli cashier (Bobby Ray Cauley Jr.) called the cops when Cunanan ordered a soda, stating he’d seen the killer on America's Most Wanted, but by the time patrolmen arrived on scene, Andrew was gone - disappeared into a local disco to dance the night away, a backpack with a pistol over his shoulder.

The Assassination of Gianni Versace's second episode - playfully gifted the double entendre title "Manhunt" - goes to painstaking lengths to recreate, embellish and invent these scenarios, as Criss' wide-eyed, hyper-focused performance continues to be the main focal point of American Crime Story Season Two. It wants us to know that this infamous murder could've easily been prevented if the FBI's bumbling (or was it homophobia?) hadn't been so blatant. Yet it also wants us to feel a deep sense of empathy for Cunanan, who is really nothing more than a lost boy in a great big world, trying to deal with the fact that nobody's ever wanted him, and that his invented identity will always be preferable to the "faggot" the rest of society views him as. To be honest, if it weren't for Criss - who truly is phenomenal and walks a fine line balancing both the sympathetic and sociopathic - the whole thing would collapse into a rather embarrassing set of stereotypes: the self-loathing queer who lies and kills because he just can't stand himself.

Ryan Murphy being Ryan Murphy, there's some grand exploitation thrown in, ostensibly just for good measure. "Manhunt" truly lives up to its name in a scene where Cunanan picks up a john (Robert Catrini) - a straight, white, rich businessman at the beach - who takes the killer back to his lavish hotel room for submissive sex. Cunanan duct tapes the man's face closed - creating a sort of silver homemade gimp mask - and then dances around the room in a pink Speedo-style bathing suit to Phil Collins and Philip Bailey's "Easy Lover" while his "client" writhes on the bed, unable to breathe. Just as it seems he's about to suffocate, creating victim number five, the gigolo cuts a hole and allows his john to suck in some air. It's a grotesque, harrowing scene reminiscent of Buffalo Bill tucking it back in The Silence of the Lambs(’91) before prancing about to Q Lazzarus' "Goodbye Horses".

Thankfully, this trashy, scandalous scene is made a bit more digestible by everything involving Gianni and his partner Antonio (Ricky Martin) that's featured in this episode's numerous flashbacks to '94, where Versace is receiving treatment for HIV. As salacious as the sexual content in The Assassination of Gianni Versace is, this melancholy portrait of a famous artist struggling with terminal illness is probably going to be the biggest point of contention for most viewers. The Versace family has long denied that Gianni was HIV positive when he was murdered in '97, so using this possibly invented moment in his life as a jumping off point to explore both his sexual history with Antonio, along with his companion’s contentious relationship with Gianni's sister Donatella (Penélope Cruz) is a brazen narrative conceit. Donatella views Antonio as just another pretty clinger sucking her beloved sibling dry while bringing nothing to the table, while the man passionately confesses his love for the mogul in private, and would seemingly do anything – including introducing multiple sexual partners into their bedroom – to please him.

So, why introduce the AIDS narrative if the Versaces deny it to be true? For starters, it plays into American Crime Story's brand of both indulging the myths that surround these famous '90s atrocities (see: nearly everything about Cuba Gooding Jr.'s performance as OJ Simpson in Season One), while simultaneously debunking them. One of the great falsehoods about Andrew Cunanan was that he too had AIDS, becoming part of his primary motivation for violently taking life. Writer Tom Rob Smith - working off Maureen Orth's book Vulgar Favors - is also playing up the tragic resurgence of Versace, as he roared back to health after falling ill in '94 and '95, trying to reclaim his seat as the world's most inspired designer (a throne that had been stolen by Alexander McQueen). The last six months of Gianni's life saw him vigorously combating whatever was ailing him and espousing the notion of living life to its fullest while ceaselessly creating - an idea that's channeled through a fictionalized backstage bit of bickering between Gianni and Donatella regarding the rather vapidly skinny texture of the models wearing his latest line. He doesn’t want sickly waifs, but women who look like they embrace existence.

This rather melodramatic mix of truth and provocation is what makes The Assassination of Gianni Versace so compelling (not to mention the show's usually lush production design). The concoction is proving to be a rather potent mixture, creating this swooning, swirling air of unfortunate destiny in which these doomed figures all collide, storylines revolving around sex, violence and AIDS proving that the difference between fact and fiction is irrelevant when it's all so goddamn gripping.

#acs versace #birth movies death #2.02 #review #article #january 2018

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds s04e16 Pleasure is My Business review - or more aptly named, killer hookers. Nuff said.

Episode 16 – Pleasure Is My Business

Hey guys! So last time was HEAVY. I need something light. But this episode’s title makes me doubt I’m gonna get anything light in this season from here on out. I’m pissed.

Let’s see what happens.

Ooh, Duffy’s “Mercy” and a private show from a prostitute for an old geezer. Yikes.

Wait. Do we have a killer hooker in Texas? Oh god. This is going to be good.

Especially when she’s this hot.

Oh my god, Jack is so cute!!! Look at Aaron watching him.

Wait. They have a case in Dallas. They only want Hotch. And they want him to deal with the lawyers? Oh boy.

“High-end prostitute.”

Damn.

So Hotch is calling the cavalry in. Awesome.

And he just rode up the elevator with the unsub.

Ha.

Oh this is going to be awesome.

Camille Paglia: “The prostitute is not, as feminists claim, the victim of men, but rather their conqueror. An outlaw, who controls the sexual channels between nature and culture.” Interesting opinion there, Camille.

“Female serial killers are a fascinating field. We don’t have much information on them,, but what we do know involves throwing the rules completely out the window.”

Ooh, I’m gonna love this.

“Because there’s no sexual gratification when a woman kills.”

Someone arrest this man for saying anything pertaining to coitus.

“So, basically, women are more efficient in killing.”

Yup. Don’t mess with us.

“At some point, every call girl, no matter how well-paid, gets coerced into an activity she didn’t consent to.”

Damn.

“It’s a popular rat poison in China.”

Ew.

“She has a history with them.”

“So she’s not just organized, she’s also methodical.”

Yup. Yikes.

I have a fantasy of what they’re going to do, and it’s gonna be hilarious if it’s implemented.

“I mean, if they were kinky in the same way …”

Okay, why do they give him these lines? I’m dead right now. Between my legs.

“Does that language sound familiar to anyone else?” Probably not, poodle. What are you getting at?

Wait. It’s the second victim, and the press release was exactly the same? Damn.

See, there they go again.

“Sexual he did with this call girl.”

FUCK YOU SHEMAR! (Seriously XD)

“How much younger?”

Damn.

Lol. Did she just slip Hotch a number for a hooker? Oh god.

“I thought Hotch said we were going to meet a madam here.”

Lol.

“Your brownstone used to be owned by a gigolo.”

REALLY?

“You two need a lesson about faking it. I teach a class.”

Oh my god, I’m dying.

That madam is awesome.

“I guess there’s only so many men that can, uh, afford the service you provide.”

I can’t handle Reid talking to a madam. It’s awesome.

He’s so calm and Prentiss is freaking out.

“What about the, um, type of work your employees do?”

Oh god, I’m dead here.

“Specific sexual act.”

LOL

“I don’t even … I don’t know.”

God, I love you, Spencer! I’m dying here.

Oh great. So the lawyer is already on them like shark on blood. Fuck.

“We’re not about to lie for you.”

Hell no.

“If we hold back, she’s more likely to make a mistake.”

Cool. So don’t do anything.

“Eighteen cars, six houses, and three boats. Can you even boat in Dallas?”

Of course his mind goes to the reasonableness of the purchases. Oh god.

“You know, considering that when Kevin takes me to dinner and a movie, he defaults on his student loans, this amount of money is sick.” True.

And it teaches us that Kevin is cheap. And a loser.

“One loaded losers list, Dallas edition, coming at ya.”

“Penelope out.”

I love you.

“They’re spending tens of thousands on an escort, but they won’t drop a dime on their wife and kids? That’s cold.” LOL

So this asshole bought a house for that hooker? Wow.

So he’s basically telling her everything. Jeez. Oh boy.

So he because he knows about her, even if he hadn’t made the connection, she’s gonna ‘make an exception’, sleep with him and kill him. Oh boy.

So she kept a purity ring.

“She broke that promise a long time ago.”

Well, that’s true.

I’m gonna kill you.

“Who reads Voltaire in French?” “Someone with good taste.”

Oh, Rossi. I love you.

“Yeah, Garcia, we’re getting a call to this line. Can you work some magic?”

A little time.

“She’s gonna work it.”

You know she is.

Oh my god, Aaron is speaking to a killer hooker. I’m dead.

“How am I a whore?”

Oh god.

Come on Garcia, give Derek something.

Don’t panic. No one is hurt. Come on.

Yes! She got the crime scene!

And I’m gonna make noodles for my lunch.

Toodles. (kidding, be right back)

“This is gonna be ugly.”

Yup.

“She’s lumping Hotch in with the lawyers.”

Yup.

So lawyer is the key. Ooh.

Aw! Derek looking at little kids! I love you!

Wait. The lady didn’t want to buy the list in order to be a call girl, she wanted it so no one would have the list? Oh boy.

Finally Hotch made the connection. Yeesh. Slow there.

“Can I get an ick-ick-icky on making an appointment with your own daughter?”

Oh boy.

She’s going to kill her daddy.

Hey! Dude! Let go of her! She’s your kid!

I’m scared too, lady. You’re dangerous.

Oh god. He wants the client list to protect himself and his colleagues, despite everything, he’s still an asshole.

She’s gonna do it. God.

Oh thank fuck, they found her.

Oh shit. She gave him his phone, but kept the sim card. She’s one smart cookie.

A psycho smart cookie, but a smart cookie nonetheless.

Well, this was a very powerful episode. It showed the other side of call girls, which was interesting. We had Spencer talking to a madam, which was priceless. Hotch called himself a whore. And Derek said some things that I really think the world should make laws about: hot men are to be limited in their speech and now allowed to enunciate sexy words that make women cream their already expensive panties.

Seriously.

I loved it. It was awesome. And they ended up saving the unsub, when it was clear she was just a messed up kid who needed help.

I love it!

Can’t wait for the next episode.

One last one before I head to work. Ugh.

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priyaverma8454 · 4 years ago

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5 Explorer Information about Play Boy Job for Good Earning

Here you Get the Appropriate Information about Male Escort Job That How it is Helpful for Good Earning and also Know What are the Procedures to Becoming a Professional Call Boy

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In this developing society, the call boy sex job has a lot of demand for better earning. After choosing a career in this line one is able to earn a lot of money to live a royal life within a stipulated period of time. Callboy job service in India provides better opportunities to build an amazing career in India for better earning and also for a bright future. But before joining you need to know some information about the call boy job.

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#call boys #play boy job #Desireplayboys

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arplis · 5 years ago

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Arplis - News: The 10 sexiest movies on Amazon Prime right now

If you are looking to make things hot and heavy for a movie date night or just hoping to get your mojo working, Amazon Prime has a number of sexy movies to tickle your fancy. This steamy selection of movies feature some of the biggest Hollywood celebrities and titles that have gone down in history as some of the sexiest ever. So if you’re done Netflixing and chilling, it’s time to set the mood with these 10 sexiest movies on Amazon Prime right now. Don’t have an Amazon Prime membership? You can sign up for $12.99 a month, or $119 a year. There’s a 30-day free trial available for new members. Also, a cheaper option is available if you just want to access Amazon Prime Video without the shopping incentives. Head here to learn more about Amazon Prime or click on the button below to subscribe. Get Amazon Prime Sexiest movies on Amazon Prime: Newness Spread Adore Discreet The Escort The Neon Demon Knock Knock Stripped To Kill Basic Instinct 2 Passion Editor’s note: We’ll be updating this list of the sexiest movies on Amazon Prime regularly as new ones are released. 1. Newness Martin and Gabriella are two millennials who are hooked to online dating apps. When they match with each other, they begin a steamy and whirlwind romance. Their open relationship pushes their physical and emotional boundaries and as they continue their string of hookups, and they soon realize they want more stability in life. The movie definitely has some sexy scenes but the underlying theme is that of the difficulties a couple faces in an open relationship. A good watch overall. Watch Newness 2. Spread Spread is surely one of the sexiest movies on this list. The film stars Ashton Kutcher as a drop-dead-gorgeous gigolo who survives on the pity of women he sleeps with. Living in Los Angeles, Kutcher’s character mooches off of single, rich women in return for sex, sex, and more sex. Then one fine day, he meets the love of his life. Little does he know that he’s dealing with a female version of himself. Watch Spread 3. Adore Friendship, love, and lust collide in this sensual tale set within a close-knit seaside community. Two lifelong best friends — Naomi Watts and Robin Wright — get entangled in sexual relationships with each other’s sons, an obvious recipe for disaster. What ensues is a conflict between emotion and desire. Which one will take precedence? Watch Adore 4. Discreet Monique is a high-class escort who enjoys her job. She’s used to fulfilling her clients’ fantasies, until she meets Thomas. He’s a sheltered and religious man who wants to put his upbringing behind him by losing his virginity. The two are completely mismatched. The night they meet, Thomas’ innocent questions make Monique rethink her lifestyle and she breaks all the rules of her profession by letting him into her heart. Watch Discreet 5. The Escort An unemployed sex addict goes job hunting and ends up with nothing but a promise of a magazine job. To prove his worth, he takes up an assignment to shadow a prostitute and write-up a profile, but slowly, he starts to develop feelings for her. You can only imagine what happens when a person hooked to hook-ups meets another who gets paid for them. Watch The Escort 6. The Neon Demon This is an Amazon production which tells the story of an aspiring model named Jesse who moves to Los Angeles with dreams of making it big. She rises to fame quickly and many become jealous of her beauty and charm. Women around her are also curious about her sexual disposition and use it to their advantage. Things turn sinister when Jesse starts showing signs of narcissism and raging envy takes over all her model friends. Watch The Neon Demon 7. Knock Knock Who wouldn’t want to see Keanu Reeves get seduced by not one, but two women. In this sexy thriller, the Matrix man plays a not-so-innocent middle-aged guy who is enjoying an evening at home alone when two young women come knocking on his door for help. Things get hot and heavy between the three and a deadly game of cat and mouse begins. Watch Knock Knock 8. Stripped To Kill Stripped To Kill is an erotic thriller from the 80s. The story follows a female detective who goes undercover as a stripper to investigate a series of murders that happen around a strip club. The movie has some pretty daring visuals for its time and captures the real essence of what goes on inside a strip joint. Watch Stripped To Kill 9. Basic Instinct 2 Basic Instinct is by far one of the sexiest Hollywood movie series of all time. Sadly, Amazon Prime does not carry the first film in the series, but the second one is very much available for streaming. The plot continues the story of novelist Catherine Tramell who once again finds herself the subject of a murder investigation. This time too, she is suspected of killing her lover while giving him an orgasm. Tramell is ordered to go into therapy where she starts playing games of seduction with her doctor. Will her true intentions be exposed or will she get away with murder using sexual trickery one more time? Watch Basic Instinct 2 10. Passion Another erotic thriller, Passion stars Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace as two advertising executives who work for the same company. One of them secretly starts dating the other’s boyfriend and soon professional rivalry tears them apart. So much so, that one of them ends up dead. Passion, as the name suggests, is full of passionate scenes between all the central characters. It’s also an edgy thriller that’ll keep you guessing right till the end. Watch Passion So those were the 10 sexiest movies on Amazon Prime that we could find. Have any more suggestions? Drop us a line in the comments section below. Remember, you’ll need to subscribe to Amazon Prime to watch all of the above-mentioned movies. If you haven’t subscribed to streaming service yet, you can do so by hitting the button below. After you become a Prime member, you can watch all of the aforementioned titles for free. Get Amazon Prime Looking for more streaming shows and movies on Amazon Prime? Check out these links below. Best comedies on Amazon Prime Video you can watch right now The best Amazon Prime shows you can stream right now The 15 best original series on Amazon Prime Video The best classic movies on Amazon Prime right now More posts about Amazon Prime Here are the best family movies on Amazon Prime right now Adamya Sharma 21 hours ago Best comedies on Amazon Prime Video you can watch right now Nick Fernandez 2 weeks ago How to get Amazon Prime for free Ankit Banerjee 2 weeks ago Does Amazon Prime Video support 4K resolution? John Callaham 2 weeks ago The best streaming shows on Netflix, Prime Video, Disney Plus, and more Adamya Sharma 2 weeks ago #AmazonPrime #TheBest #AmazonPrimeVideo #StreamingServices

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/the-10-sexiest-movies-on-amazon-prime-right-now

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zukazukazuka · 7 years ago

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Serika Toa Translations: August 2017 Kageki and Revue 2017

I’m determined to get more practice translating and also just put more about this girl out there in the world, so have a couple of short blurbs from things I recently picked up in Japan. I’m still practicing, so any corrections/suggestions are welcome!

August 2017 Kageki - News from Backstage, Wind over Yamataikoku / SANTE!!

About the play – Kukochihiko

Kukochihiko is a person who loves to fight, and becomes excited when he meets someone stronger than him. Although he is the villain of the story, I wanted to convey that he is a military man whose faith drives him to loyally serve his king, and therefore doesn’t think of himself as evil. However, to keep him from being simply a serious person, I came up with the kinds of facial expressions and manner of speaking that would better define him as a character. The stage combat instructor also helped me develop a particular style for handling the sword as well. When he meets Takehiko for the first time, they don’t really cross blades, so I thought that their final battle should really be the highlight in that regard. To leave the audience with a strong impression [of him], I am treasuring every word of my lines, and striving to bring a lot of energy every day.

The Revue

At first I was a bit shy about doing the onnayaku role in the prologue (laughs), but now I have fun with it every day, and getting to SANTE with so many audience members makes me happy(1). I especially love my entrance during the gigolo number, I think “I’m so glad to be an otokoyaku!” When Yan-san (Anju Mira) was doing the choreography, she looked so cool, and I worked on creating my own appealing otokoyaku image while thinking that I wanted to dance like her. When Koshiji Fukubi’s famous song is sung [by Miho Keiko] during the chuuzume, it makes me happy to feel the emotion rise in everyone(2). The Monsieur Poet scene(3) begins with my song, so I am able to invite the audience into that world. After that the five of us reprise the prologue on the silver bridge, and it has a very refreshing and purifying feeling to it. During the kuroenbi, day by day our level of concentration and intensity would increase, and I’d get a sharp feeling in my heart.

1 – In Tokyo the actresses were given SANTE cups in the opening to kanpai with the audience members, whereas apparently in the Grand Theater they just used their fists.

2 – I’m assuming she’s talking about the scene with Miho Keiko and Seijou Kaito where Miho Keiko sings 愛の讃歌 (Ai no Sanka), but that’s not in the chuuzume so I’m not sure if there’s another song by Koshiji Fukubi that is in the chuuzume (Mon Paris??), or if she just…got that wrong?? If anyone knows better let me know!

3 – This is the scene that references the Passion of the Christ

Serika Toa - REVUE 2017

When you’re feeling down or want to cheer someone up, what Takarazuka program would you watch to feel happy?

The version of Me and My Girl I was in. There are no villains and it’s a lighthearted comedy, so I think it can really lift your spirits. Even I fell victim to the show throughout the performances, and I felt happy all the time. My favorite scene is at the end of the first act when we go out into the audience during the Lambeth Walk. I played both Sir John and Gerald, but the older, more refined and tolerant Sir John was more of a challenge for me, and I think allowed me to expand my horizons. In contrast, Gerald is a role I can play more like myself.(1) Since his banter with Jackie is charming, while performing I thought about how I wanted the audience to feel happy watching it.

Do you have any particular habits related to maintaining your physical fitness or beauty regimen that you think “I’m probably the only one who does this…”?

Sleeping. I’m the type who likes to make sure that even when I’m busy I have enough time to sleep. During performances I want to sleep at least 8 hours, so I’m happiest if I can get even more (laughs). I bought my favorite bed about a year ago, it’s king-size(2), and after doing several trial sleeps I selected the mattress and pillows. As a result I’m very comfortable when I sleep, and my quality of sleeping and waking are very good.

As far as food goes, I’ve been drinking protein drinks. It’s important for people who move their bodies a lot to consume protein, but it can be difficult to absorb efficiently. I’ve only started drinking it recently, but I feel like the condition of my skin and nails has gotten better.

When are the times you feel happiest (幸せ)?

It really is when I am on stage. Especially when everything is lit up during the parade, seeing the delighted (幸せ) expressions on the faces of the people in the audience makes me happy.

In private life, it’s when I’m looking at the ocean, which I love. On my days off, I often will go for a drive where I can see it. From my parent’s house in Kobe we could see the ocean, so whenever I look at the sea in Kobe I get wrapped up in feeling happy and think “what a wonderful town.”

1 – literally 等身大で演じる, or “play [him] life-size”, which I think she means she can play him without putting much thought into it because he’s similar enough to her own personality (or like ones she’s done a LOT before).

2 – literally 大型サイズ , or jumbo-sized, so I’m assuming it’s a king haha

#serika toa #takarazuka #takarazuka translations #I love her love of sleep lmao #she talks about it a LOT it's incredible #same kiki #i identify with so much of this lmao

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baekzhang · 8 years ago

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distraction | osh [m]

oh sehun. reader-insert. 3,5k words. roommate!au. smut.

—sometimes you really need a distraction from college life, how lucky that sehun needs one, too

“Do me a favor, pick me up, take me out later / Are you down to be a distraction, baby?” —Kehlani, Distraction

requested by @sassyunicorns2 for the drabble game (although this one turned out to become a scenario ;;; the song is great btw!)

“I’ll make it quick—” you breathed out as you broke the kiss, supporting your weight on Sehun’s shoulders, “Unconventional sex, no feelings, no obligations. Are you in or not?” you shoot the question quickly, gazing into his lecherously dark eyes.

When you started college everything was fine, you were somehow able to keep up with all your assignments, passed all exams and exceeded in them, too. You had to, you were in on a damn scholarship and intended to keep it, so that you could independently live your life without your parents’ constant nagging. A part time job was easily found, and when you moved out of college accommodation in your third semester to live with this guy from your microeconomics class, you felt things really started to go down. The assignments became more and more, your frustration with college added up by the day and for fuck’s sake, when was the last time you went out and had some fun?

While your friends went out on parties, picked up guys and enjoyed some damn nice nights—from what you heard and seen videos of—you were in your apartment, writing down five thousand words for the essay due tomorrow, and by the time you finished, you weren’t in the mood to dress up and take a cab to the city centre. You could be drunk, get a hangover and miss class, or won’t be able to focus during class due to the very much occurring headache. So you stayed home, again, watching movies on the sofa that didn’t really interest you, but were better than nothing. You weren’t tired enough to sleep yet, you were just agitated that your professors felt the need to bomb you with too much homework for a human being.

It was 11 p.m. when you heard the jingling of keys and the sound of the door cracking open. Sehun arrived, who else could it be. You turned your head and looked over your shoulder, and indeed it was him, wearing a white tee, which was maybe just a little bit too tight, but emphasised his abs rather well, so he was very much forgiven. He had that 24/7 look on his face, the one where he would pretty much look like nothing, and it was still tantalizing. Yeah, he was attractive and your friends called you “one lucky gal” for living with a hotshot like him, alone at that, too. But for you, he started out as the reliable guy from your class who paid the rent always in time and wouldn’t bother you all too much with loud music, and neither some gigolo friends, who would check you out. Nope, Oh Sehun was quite normal and mature in these parts. He had nice friends, sure some crazy, some with too much money, but still polite and offered you to join in their talking sessions on the sofa, or handed you a beer or two so you wouldn’t relying on coffee for your entire life.

You had been living with him for over a semester now, it was the second term of your fourth semester and to be honest, nothing has happened between you and him, not that you were much into the idea. Of course, you had your few moments of care, but quite frankly, you had no time to bother getting a boyfriend, and he was with his friends most of the time, so he wasn’t really into the suggestion of getting a girlfriend either. At least you believed that from the various phone calls between him and his mother (well, his mother was the one to always call him), where his mother was asking whether or not he has a girl to bring home or not; and all the time he’d answer no and if he had one he’d be the first to inform her. So that sealed the deal for you.

However, during the last few weeks of being close to shredding all you papers, you’d noticed that you were staring at him for longer than the usual and that his hair really seemed to be nice to touch. Yeah, he was most likely asked for his number often and offered a quick thing every now and then, and who knows, maybe he agrees to them. But fact was, he was a distraction to your microcosm of studying for tests—his voice, his round and smack-able ass, and his wet hair when he comes out of the shower, and sometimes he doesn’t even wear a shirt and you could be drawn to watching the little water drops flow down his abdominal; and holy damn, he really was something.

That he could just quit college and finance the snob living with his looks only was the understatement of the century, he was most likely already offered modeling contracts and could be at fashion week as the highlight ever since he hit puberty. And it pissed you off that he was of that calibre. When you thought you looked remotely pretty, you were always hit in the face when you took a pic with Sehun because everything and everyone looked way worse next to him. But oh well, he was too nice to be hated, and too good looking to be despised.

“How was it at Kyungsoo’s?” you shot the question, darting your eyes back to the screen, although you’ve already forgotten what the movie was called and what it was about. Something about aliens? You thought?

“Meh,” he replied, kicking his shoes off his feet and throwing his leather jacket over the chair next to the door. You had put it there because the day either you or him would actually make an effort to make use of the hallstand shall be your very last. “It was okay, I mean it was just some guys’ night, so not all too special. Played some video games, drank some beer. Chanyeol got drunk after the second beer again. Tall but no tolerance at all,” he finished whilst walking to the kitchen counter and pouring him a glass of water.

“What about you? Finished your two essays?”

“Two essays?” you questioned, you only did one and remembered one, so you worried a little bit.

“Mm, the one for microeconomics and some shit about business administration professor Baek gave us last minute because she can’t get shit done. Did that yesterday with the guys because you know how much she hates us.” Your head dropped almost into your lap: fuck, you totally forgot about that.

“Ugh, I only finished the one for microeconomics,” you groaned. Sehun chuckled.

“Should I make you some coffee then,” you hear him say and you gaze over to him, standing next to the coffee machine, his hand on his hips and something in between a smile and a smirk on his lips. You just nod and he immediately turns to the cupboard, stretching out his arm to get the coffee and his shirt gets lifted up in the movement and you get a good view on his skin, tanned, trained and totally intriguing.

“Thanks,” you breathed and forced yourself to not stare at him further. To prevent yourself from having a watered mouth, you quickly went to your room, grabbed your laptop and a couple of books and returned to the living room, where Sehun was pouring the coffee into a mug, as well as a good shot of milk and one cube of sugar—he’d been brewing the coffee for you for a long time now, he wouldn’t need to ask you about it anymore.

You opened Microsoft Office, put some random title and started typing up some half-assed introductory part whilst Sehun sat down next to you on the couch and placed the coffee atop of the table right next to your books and watched the movie you had been watching previously. His legs are crossed over each other and his arm is resting on the backrest with his hand being quite close to the back of your head, not that you’d have minded it usually, but right now—when your head wouldn’t focus on your work, but rather on how it would sound like when you smacked Sehun’s ass—it was among the lines of dangerous.

“Is the movie good?” you questioned, selecting a word and putting it in italics. Sehun hums in response, “Yeah, I mean, didn’t you watch it before me, though?” With a shrug you just hummed back and catch Sehun looking over to your screen, probably reading what you’ve finished so far.

“If you want to,” he proposes, moving a tad bit closer to you, so that his face is probably by now capable of feeling the heat that radiates from your body, “I can help you with this.” His eyes skim the content and you fall back into the sofa as to give him a better view on the laptop. You rest your chin in your palm, peering at that very much irrelevant painting on the wall to look everywhere but him. His scent, that godforsaken after shave that always stimulates and thrills your nostrils, hit you and intoxicated you in addition.

The sound of typing and clicking catches your ears, and you turn slightly to see him editing your essay, adding here and there a few parts and continuing onto the next paragraph. His back is bent over, his dark eyes reflect the light of the screen and his right hand occasionally wanders to the touch pad; he’s focused, unlike you. You are drawn to how engaged he is, and when his tongue brushes over his upper lip you inhale sharply to which he glimpses over to you, but you don’t react much.

“You know, ___, I don’t want you to stay up the entire night for this bullshit, so I’ll just write some outline and you can edit it during your first class or something,” he states and you nod, smiling a tiny smile at him. It was a natural reaction, not thought-through and covering up the need, not really a specific one for him, but just general one, and he fitted that register way too good on that one. Fuck, he was just too nice and too attractive; too considered and too tempting in low hanging sweat pants plus white t-shirt. Screw him, you thought to yourself, and damn, you wanted to even though the statement wasn’t meant in that way (at least not mainly).

“How nice of you,” you spoke that more seductively than you wanted it to be, and Sehun locks eyes with yours for a second; he runs one finger along his cheek, shoots you an entertained look and turns back to the laptop.

For a few minutes filled with the sound of the movie as well as the typing, you were doing nothing more than stare at his fingers, maybe sometimes you’d read over the sentences about business administration, but mainly his fingers; and you’d space out. Those damn long fingers, perfectly manicured with not too long and neither too short nails; you were never one to fantasize so lewdly about something as trivial as fingers, but for Christ’s sake, you really wanted to suck on that nice index finger, probably tasting the plastic of your own laptop’s keyboard from it, but who even cares. His fingers would do such a good job on pretty much everything, fuck you were really thinking that. And when his hand suddenly wasn’t on the keyboard anymore, but running through his hair, you must admit, you blew a fuss—your heart started beating faster, you blended out the sound of the movie and any sense for sanity was discarded. When he began typing again, you shifted over to him, bent over and clapped the laptop slowly down on him, causing his hands to leave the keyboard and stare at you, who was gazing into his eyes while on all four.

Sehun shot you a questioning, but yet knowing gaze and leaned back in the other direction, having you follow him with you pressing forward to him and locking lips with him, falling into a kiss that got you atop of him, arms around his shoulders, and you felt him breathing—his abdomen lifting and falling back—with your hips.

The kiss was rough, uncontrolled and demanding; your lips basically rubbed against his moving one, and midway you felt his hands—those fucked up hands—run along your sides, trying to feel through the fabric of your shirt. And fuck, his touch was the biggest turn on.

“Babe, you could put all sorts of conditions. Right now I need you to take off your clothes and that quickly,” he spoke in between his panting, running his hands up your back, over to your neck to pull you down for another kiss. You squirm and fall completely onto him, biting down on his lip and him granting you the access you’ve been requesting for way too long, and you took no time to browse through his cavern, licking along his own tongue brushing over his teeth, tasting the beer he admitted to have previously been drinking at Kyungsoo’s.

You felt him moan into the kiss and his length was beginning to press against your pelvis, arousing you more. With one last lick over his lip you lifted yourself up again, your one knee being between his legs, while the other one was next to his left, pressing into the backrest of the sofa. Your teeth were brushing over your bottom lip and you smirked at him with a cocked head. He looked so vulnerable, so needy and willing to do anything to get what he wants; and damn, you were going to make use of that spirit.

“Remove your shirt,” you postulated, and he inhaled quickly, gazing at you and his hands wandered to his shoulders, pulling off the tee from his body and tossing it in whatever direction suitable for him. Indeed, you could confirm that his abdominals were defined and with a smile you lowered your posture and ran your index finger along the lines, until your face was right on them, your breath hitting his skin and you began brushing your tongue against it in between your quick kisses.

You crawled forward with your lips reaching his collarbone; his cock was pressing against your belly and you began biting down on his skin, drawing some blood and licking it off with delight as he moans a symphony. And you wander over to his neck, doing the same over and over again; your hand in his hair, and yes, his hair is soft and feels great running between your fingers.

Sehun’s hands feel you up and go under your shirt in the motion, but you stop and grasp his wrists, pushing his arms away.

“Nonono,” you whisper and lean closer to his ear, “we’ll get to that soon enough, Sehun,” you continue and nibble on his ear, making him close his eyes in pleasure. “Will you do me a favour?” you inquire and he hums, breathing through your hair which has landed in his face; you smirk against his ear to his response.

“Touch yourself for me,” you finish and his eyes shoot open, you can feel his face heat up and you retreat from his form and swing away from him, sitting down on the end of the sofa and your eyes follow the movements of his right arm and hand as he finds his pants and pushes them down along with his boxers. His length claps against his stomach and you find the altruism somewhere deep inside you and help him fully pull down his sweat pants and toss them over the tv, whose light has been interfering with your demands.

His hand feels his shaft and your eyes, cat-like and mischievously entertained, spectate him starting to jerk off; his hand rubs along his length in a slowly accelerating and adding up speed, making pre-cum flow from his tip, which has turned into a throbbing red. Sehun’s expression is concentrated, driven and lustful; and you were a liar to have denied that his groans weren’t the hottest thing you’ve ever heard and could have been straight from a luxury porn movie.

“Good boy,” you speak up lowly and crawl near him again, your hand palming his own and adding up more speed and more pressure onto the movements; he sighs, eyes closing and he lets his head fall deeper in the sofa as you suddenly kiss his tip and make no efforts in hiding the sound of licking off your lips, where his cum lies on. Your mouth connects with his cock again, taking it fully into you and you guide his now jobless hands over to your hair, which he pulls occasionally as you suck harder on his length with your teeth scrubbing the prominent vein you’ve spotted and awed when he first exposed his dick to you. He was moaning so loud, whimpering your name; and you could feel him grow more and more inside you, getting more sensitive and the salty taste has entered your mouth—he was about to cum, and you had no intention of swallowing. Instead, when he started to cry out your name, you pulled away and watched the white string hit his stomach and flow down his cock. Sehun was panting heavily and you started running your fingers along his length again, collecting his cum and placing it on the top of your tongue, tasting him again. He was looking at you, sucking on your own finger so seductively and you enjoyed it.

“You taste great, try it yourself,” it wasn’t an offer, he knew, and you, too. His left hand went up to his belly and his finger—that damn long finger—shoveled some of it on it and put it in his mouth, tasting himself for the fucking first time of his life. And the way he was sucking on his index finger drove you to insanity; you licked along his abs, cleaning up slowly and smoothly, until you’ve had enough him swallowing his own finger. So you took his hand away from his and into your face, your mouth opening to envelope the sucked-up finger and you hum as you begin licking around it. The mixed taste of his cum and spit was thrilling, and you’d decided to give in to him and give him what he wants so bad.

With a final lick on your lips, you began pulling your t-shirt over your neck and cleaned the rest of Sehun up with it before you discarded it, and he gazed at your black bra, whose view got him to lick his lips in lust yet again. You unclasped your bra and moved your shoulders so it would slowly slide down your body; your nipples were revealed to be tensed, hard and your boobs hopped slightly from the lack of support now.

You stood up, wobbling on the unsteady ground of the sofa and agonizingly calmly pulled down your pants and underwear, stepping out of it and kicking it away.

“What do you want me to do, Sehun? I grant you one wish,” you announced and looked at his naked self, his hand meeting his cock again from your sudden declaration. He wanted many things, choosing one was hard; at least he thought that. But only a second later he had already pronounced it: “Ride me.” And you didn’t hesitate at all as you approached him and knelt down, your hand guiding his length to your aroused entry. Fuck, you thought as you bit onto your lip, he was truly filling you up, and it was the best feeling.

You began moving up and down, sighing in content whenever you sank down on him, and Sehun was holding onto your sides, supporting you to lift you up. Picking up your pace, you noticed yourself moaning, your wetness sticking to him by now, and your arousal was growing. Sehun’s hands were wandering down your pelvic, and he was brushing against your filled entranced, slipping in his thumb almost magically and he’d gotten you to scream in pleasure as he pressed down and circled your clit, making you exclaim his name; and then you came full on his cock with your juices running down his cock, your walls clenched around him. Sehun didn’t have it yet though, but he groaned and thrusted into you slightly, causing you to whimper as you were riding out your high. He kept lifting you up and letting you fall down, making his cock grow and intensifying the throbbing until he, too, came, the back of his head snapping back and so deep into the sofa he himself couldn’t believe it. He came right into you, and you could feel his warm cum not lasting inside you, but rather it rand down the insides of your thighs.

You fell atop of Sehun, taking in his sweaty scent and kissed his nipple lifting and freeing yourself from his cock, and then you just laid down on him exhausted.

As you were feeling his arms up and down, played with his jaw and listened to his breathing, however, you realized that it was already 2 a.m., and the picture of your laptop flashed before your eyes.

“Hey, you’re still up to help me with my paper?” you questioned and Sehun just chuckled.

#sehun scenario #sehun smut #sehun fluff #sehun angst #sehun fic #oh sehun #sehun imagine #exo reactions #exo smut #exo fluff #exo scenarios #exo writing #exo sehun #kpop writings #sehun fanfic #drabble game

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zukadiary · 7 years ago

Text

Bakumatsu Taiyouden / Dramatic “S”! ~ Snow Troupe 2017

nngg…

I always feel this weird sort of out-of-body sense of detachment in the Tokyo theater. It’s not home, I’m not grounded… you leave and it’s just Tokyo, no bowl of homemade oyakodon and sympathetic conversation waiting for you with open, friendly arms. I wound up watching Sou’s taidan here too, also in blistering heat. I so wish I’d seen this in Takarazuka, more times, and without such a vast sea of heads in front of me (although having the opportunity to read the July GRAPH talks first added some lovely nuanced depth to the pain).

I did not expect to be this invested in Chigi when my much-loved Sou left. The evolution of my interest in Chigi went from “I wish Kaname was still here” to “eh, I guess” to shattering my personal record for in-theater crying (and I’ve cried in *a lot* of theaters). She lasted longer than I expected, and no one leaving with her is a huge shock, but this taidan is gutting me. I love this Yukigumi so much. I’ve loved a lot of Yukigumis, but this one has its hooks in me real deep. And it feels like its soul is being torn out.

At my first viewing my friend flawlessly described Bakumatsu Taiyouden as “distilled essence of Chigi ft. Miyu’s beautiful voice.” It’s a perfect, lovingly crafted tribute to the Chigi-est parts of Chigi, which also means it’s an amazing troupe show.

::insert 7 minute crying break::

Koyanagi-sensei transformed what I thought was a really mediocre movie (that had me particularly worried Miyu would get shafted) into such a playful, fun, well-orchestrated musical. There are so many opportunities for ad-libs I think I could have gone every day of the run and not gotten tired of it. Even though I’d seen the movie, it was a bit difficult to follow at first; Chigi uses a silly voice and a lot of slang, and it’s kind of a slice of life story with a lot of random happenings going on as opposed to one continuous plot line… but it gets easier once you have a general picture of the character relationships. EVERY CHARACTER’s personality comes across so clearly even with no background (which was soooo refreshing after three viewings of Yamataikoku no Kaze), and I adore Koyanagi-sensei for how well she executed that.

Chigi’s character, Saheji, has contracted tuberculosis and has come to this inn/brothel by the sea to live out the rest of his life (I thought tuberculosis was highly contagious, but *SHRUG*). He winds up meddling, mostly hilariously, in all of the brothel’s drama. The best parts should be seen fresh so I won’t spoil them, but in general, this was so on-brand for Chigi’s comedic abilities, and it looked like she was having a TON of fun. Saheji and Osome (Miyu’s character) aren’t romantically involved, but they play off each other so well and there are so many opportunities for primarily MIYU TO TEASE CHIGI that it’s just beautiful.

Miyu is so heartbreakingly good in this show. Her growth over her tenure with Chigi has been incredible, and her Osome is overflowing with sass and confidence. She’s also dancing the best I’ve seen her dance and singing like an absolute angel; the last time I saw her live was in Kenshin when her voice was broken, so I was beyond happy to hear this. I’m so glad she’s going out on such an amazing performance, but also IT HURTS SO BAD. Lord I hope she continues a career on stage, because she is really blossoming right now… and depriving the world of the full bloom would be such a travesty.

The other taidansha: Anri landed the role of a lifetime with Koharu, Osome’s rival (and almost equal in terms of importance), and she slayed. Dai and Gaori don’t have a ton of stage time, but they each have their own very funny and memorable scenes, so charming that they don’t feel slighted. MomoHina and Miki are primarily dancers, but they get their time up front.

Daimon is the calm and collected leader of a team of hot-headed isolationist samurai comprised of Kiraha Reo, Tachibana Kou, Kanou Yuuri, Hinata Haruki, Suwa Saki, and Manomiya Rui (interestingly, Kari may have had more stage time than anyone other than Chigi and Miyu). And Shou I guess?? She seems to be part of their team but not 100% on board with their plans, which are to blow up the foreign traders’ living quarters. It’s definitely an amusing group; Daimon’s character is all SERIOUS BUSINESS, but between the ridiculousness of their plot and the buffoonery of her comrades it’s just as silly as everything else going on.

I was fawning over Saki after my jet lagged, unfed live viewing of Takarazuka senshuuraku. Unless she was particularly on fire that day, I’m not sure exactly what hit me quite so hard then… BUT, I DO really like this character for her. She’s the spoiled, kinda flamboyant, completely useless son of the two kumichou innkeepers, and she wore that really well. Since Kenshin was the first place I saw her start to level up, it was nice to see her do such a good job with something that could not be more different.

HIME was used properly, which is REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

My heart’s not really in summary and analysis… I just want to gush. Spoilers ahead.

Dramatic S is a roaring river of tears.

It doesn’t have a flashy theme; it reminds me of My Dream Takarazuka in that way, all soul-crushing lyrics and simple but sharp, passionate dance numbers. I find myself referencing most of the scenes by the color of the suit, versus “the pirate number” or “the gigolo number” or, you know, “the passion of the christ number,” etc. There isn’t a scene I don’t love, and all the music is beautiful; I’m excited to cry my eyes out at work while listening to the CD.

The part choreographed by Bryant Baldwin, in particular, was a spectacle. It wasn’t a flashing lights and glitter spectacle, but the dance was cool, aggressive, and visibly challenging, and it was full of little Chigi things—a Lupin heel click, a kizuna fist pump…

My kangeki schedule last year included HOT EYES!! and The Entertainer, both of which featured breathtaking special top star numbers: Maakun’s barefoot dance to Chopin under blue starlight, and Micchan ascending from the floor singing while playing a glass piano. I’ve had my fingers crossed since leaving The Entertainer that Chigi would get hers. At first I thought she didn’t, but she completely did. You’ve probably at least seen the mint green outfits in pictures floating around if you haven’t seen the show; they’re from this cruel, devastating Kizuna number. Everyone is in it, everyone is gushing Yukigumi pride… everyone lines up and Chigi looks at them one by one. Chigi’s masterpiece is this close-knit family she built, and they showed it off absolutely spectacularly. I have no idea how they’re going to be able to do it the last time without breaking down.

The kuroenbi is also devastating. Every otokoyaku (except for the newly assigned 103rds) is in it, because that’s what Chigi wanted. I lost it every time they knelt down on the stairs in her direction.

It’s hard to decide whether the Kizuna number or the duet dance is the most awful part. The dance is so stupid and tender and terrible, I need them to stop touching foreheads and looking at each other like that on loop in my memory so I can stop crying and see my damn screen.

……….

But as if that’s not bad enough, the song is so incredibly beautiful… Chigi starts singing it up on the stairs, and when she meets Miyu to dance Daimon’s voice takes over from the kage box. I was hoping that would happen… in her personal book’s Special Talk, Tomu mentions how much she loved dancing to Daimon’s voice, because it created a whole world she could get lost in. It did, and it was a lot… arguably too much. Honey and silk and love and admiration and maddeningly soft at times…

On a personal note, whoever thought of giving first Miyu and then Daimon to Chigi is an absolute genius. Not only did they support her in the exact way she needed to be supported, but she took these two insanely talented but somewhat shy/awkward ladies and nurtured them until they bloomed into something so BEYOND… And I seriously can’t think of a top 3 whose collective chemistry I love more.

And on an even more personal note, as a Daimon fan, I watched Fancy Guy in my despair on Tuesday night and was struck anew by how awkward Daimon was when she came here, and how despite my JOY at my FAVORITE coming to MY TROUPE of all places I couldn’t help but think “Oh honey, I’m so sorry…” And now I get choked up looking at this bit of a photo…

…because look at how fully entrenched she is in our warm beautiful family, I’m so overflowing I genuinely can’t stand it.

I remember Lupin shonichi too clearly for it to have been 2.5 years ago, even though I wasn’t there. It was New Year’s Day and snowing. How fucking perfect is that?

Chigi, I really can’t thank you enough for this ride.

#takarazuka #reviews #bakumatsu taiyouden #Dramatic S(ummer 17)

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barbecuedphoenix · 7 years ago

Note

I would like to see a AU with the Eldarya guys/people in a coffe shop

Let’s be honest: it’s goingto be the single least efficient coffee shop in the city. But people will keepcoming for the eye candy… >u>

Warning:Longest head-canon, ever. 14 characters,each with their own little stories.

Nevra, the Head Waiter

Naturally, this snake oilmerchant with fangs ladies’ man is going to be where the action is: on themain floor, catering to all the customers personally. (Because no one cantrust him in handling kitchen or bar-top equipment.) He’s got the drive,the guile, the inbred hospitality, and the metaphorical eyes on the back of hishead to pull off even a morning or evening rush single-handed. And later bragabout the triple-figure tips, phone numbers, and juicy gossip he collected that day to his coworkers in the back-room, even when his voice is hoarse and his feethave lost all feeling. Nevra actually keeps track of his ‘scores’ in hispersonal agenda-book, always ready to outdo himself every month. (Because let’sface it… there is no competition for him from the rest of the servers.)

Though quite a few of hiscoworkers feel like putting fresh garlic in his next espresso (for himself orfor his ‘beloved customers’), they can’t do it for a few reasons: 1.) Thecustomers and tips that Nevra brings in make up half the café’s total income.The place will sink without his pretty, monocular face on the floor. 2.) He’sactually generous with his coworkers. Newbies on the staff know they can relyon him (until they’re used as customer bait during evening rushes for‘experience’). And he never keeps any of his tips for himself, always making apoint of strutting to the collective tip jar to put in what looks like theprice for a new smartphone. So whether they like him or not, the gigolo has to stay.

Nevra is quite proud of hisjob, and hopes to eventually see the café become the city’s next ‘must-seedestination’ (or, more likely, buy and renovate the place as part of hisnetwork of high-end dining spots). So he doesn’t tolerate unprofessional shenaniganson his floor (beyond swapping phonenumbers, which is sanctified activity as far as he’s concerned). What’sguaranteed to tick him off: if a customer is boorish to one of his babiesjunior serving staff, if one of his coworkers half-asses an order, or if hecatches anyone stealing from that tip jar he’s filling. In either case, thecriminal party can expect to find themselves sheepishly shuffling to the doorunder the force of Nevra’s gimlet smile.

Ezarel, the Baristo and Assistant Baker

Who would have thought thatthe biochemist graduate student / coddled trust-fund baby would have to dirtyhis hands by working part-time in a common city café? But that’s exactly whathappened after a late night prank against another obnoxious student in theuniversity lab went a little too far. Switching reagent labels can yield somenasty results. Long story short: the lab was quarantined for weeks, Ezarel’sparents received a damages bill that looked like the price for one fullsemester, and Ezarel was given an ultimatum via Skype conference: pay off thatbill himself and grow up, or get pulled out of the university.

It took weeks of inglorious job-hunting in the city—because thatprank got him blacklisted by university staff and technicians, so he couldn’teven work on campus—before Ezarel scored a job making pastries andridiculously-creamy lattes at the café. Thanks to that waiter Nevra wholistened to his story, laughed his ass off, and then hooked him up for aninterview with the café’s owner Miiko. His only qualifications: over six yearsof advanced biochemistry with a stellar GPA (campus shenanigansnotwithstanding), and an aristocratic palate when it comes to sweets. He knows when a crème brulee isn’t up toscratch, damn it.

So now wise-guy Ezarel worksfour to five hours a day at the café, slowly paying off his debt in-between jugglingclasses. He’s either at the counter, trolling customers about type-2 diabeteswhile serving up their perfect triple-sugar-dark-chocolate macchiatos, or in thekitchen: up to his elbows in flour, sugar frosting his hair and eyebrows, and tickingoff the head baker Karuto whenever he points out that the latter is skirtingcity health regulations. Or that the lemon-ginger-coconut coffee cake needs a lot less coconut cream and more‘natural’ ingredients that won’t bloat waistlines.

Still, despite hisinsistence that he’s only staying until he pay off that lab bill, Ezarel atheart is aware that he rather likes this job. He knows he’s the best in handling the ornery steamers and coffeegrinders. And there’s something satisfying with this kind of applied chemistry(that results in him taking home a thermos of spiced honey-chai tea latte andhalf-a-dozen day-old pastries each time). Plus, pissing-off Karuto only getsbetter when it’s his turn to write both the ‘joke of the day’ and ‘daily specials’on the café’s menu board. Valkyon is always forced to correct the weirdthings that Ezarel writes there—like ‘Ye Olde Goat’s Beard Sandwiches’– tosave his skin.

Valkyon, the Cashier and Security Guard

Normally, it’s considered a questionable marketing decision toplace a silent, burly, six-foot-three man at the register, where customersshould be encouraged to indulge themselves with their next order. But afterNevra caught their last cashier stealing from the register and thetip jar, Miiko opted for foolproof honesty instead of charisma.

Valkyon is only slightly-less wooden than the counter he’smanaging, but every day, the café’s revenue stays strictly on par with theinvoices. Café lines also seem to move faster: it seems that his silent staremakes customers universally uncomfortable, so they never dare to spend morethan four seconds on deciding their order. And just because this man doesn’tmake small-talk doesn’t mean he can’t memorize half-a-dozen complex coffeeorders on hearing them once, or whip out exact change for a massive bill infive seconds without reaching for the calculator. Best of all, Valkyon has anuncanny way of discouraging customers from protesting at the rise in menuprices, with just a scowl and ten words: “We’re compensating for changes in thesupply chain. It’s procedure.”

No one really knows where he came from or why a guy like him isworking at the café’s register, but if they’re smart, they’ll refrain fromasking. And instead sneak a look over the counter at the metal baseball bat hekeeps hidden below the register at all times. Because Valkyon’s real job iskeeping the café a family-friendly place when it’s smack in the middle of arough inner-city district. He pulls the longest hours out of everyone in thecafé because he’s also the bouncer and nighttime security guard. Mostopportunistic youths on the streets now give the café a wide berth after dark,even when there’s only Valkyon inside by the register, quietly tallying theday’s profits with the invoices. That’s because the last ill-timed break-in hadalready become a district legend: ending with two tables and six chairs broken,the steamer on the other side of the floor from the counter, and one sobbingyoung man who locked himself in the customer bathroom while Valkyon, without ascratch, still holding the locked register protectively under one arm, finallyphoned the police.

Coworkers say that for someone who performs such a vital role inthe café, Valkyon never asks for much. Beyond a free mug of strong barley teafor himself and a bag of leftover cheese, seeds, and nuts for his pet mouseafter every shift. As well as the right to keep a live video-feed on said mouseplaying on his phone next to the register at all times, so he’ll be the firstto know if the little nugget ever takes sick while he’s away at work. EvenEzarel has given up on teasing him about it.

Miiko, the Café Owner

It will take a person withthe patience of a saint and the savvy of a media mogul to save this screwy caféon the wrong side of town. And the job fell like a bowling ball into Miiko’s lap when her mentor suddenlycroaked and left her the once-award-winning café in his will. She wastechnically jobless at the time, so accepting ownership of the café seemed likethe most sensible thing to do. Never mind that she knew zilch about foodservice at the time and has a fuse short enough to send bomb techniciansscattering in fear: she could learn on the job, right?

Every day since the attorneyread out her extended-death-sentence from the will, Miiko has been fighting thefeeling that she’s paying for the biggestmistake of her life. Especially with a near-total staff turnover everyeight weeks, a stubborn average of three stars (approximately) on Yelp!,spreadsheets that break-even at best, and an ongoing list of complaints on bizarrethings that keep happening in the café that boggle even her mind. (It alsodoesn’t help that she ends up yelling at half their sponsors and cateringpartners in her office within forty-five seconds on average, but hey, that’swhy she keeps Leiftan around to scout for new options. Their café may not havemany friends, but they have their pride, damn it!)

Still. Miiko can’t forceherself to get rid of the core staff of the café. Even when half of them areuntested but loyal desperados scraped in from the streets, and the other halfhave major personality problems. She of all people knows what it’s like to bethrown a lifeline at the last moment. So every time she sweeps into the caféfor an inspection and her complementary matcha tea, she deliberately curbs her tongueat seeing Chrome scrub off Ashkore’s latest round of graffiti on the frontwindow, or when Alajea drops a tray of hot Americanos onto an old man’s lap, orwhen Nevra chats up the gaggle of college girls in the corner and leaves white-facedYkhar on the floor to field other customers, or when Karuto gets an apoplexyagain on finding Ezarel’s newest ‘correction’ to the café’s menu board. They’llall learn as she will, in time. As the captain of this ship, she just has totry to be optimistic.

Leiftan, the CaféRepresentative

He’s perhaps Miiko’ssaving grace in the chaotic café: the reliable second-in-command who dropped insuddenly and mysteriously like a blessing from the clouds when she was stillpulling the establishment out of the grave. A suave man with the literalpatience of an angel and that disarmingly-gentle smile, it didn’t take long forLeiftan to be given the job that Miiko loathed: currying favor with otherdining spots, reviewers, patrons, and sponsors across the city. Talking topeople and building networks is his specialty, really; he couldn’t object tothe job in good conscience.

But because Miiko andthe staff go through their contacts like a teenaged girl goes through facialtreatments, Leiftan is constantly onthe road looking for more flexible critics, better suppliers, more generoussponsors, kinder allies, and worthwhile employees (to name a few). For some,he’ll counsel them carefully behind Miiko’s back before bringing them tothe café: warning them on what to expect, how to drop her guard, and especiallywhat not to say to stay in her office for at least a few minutes. (Forty-fiveseconds is the average, the last time he checked; those are steep odds, so theyhad better heed his words well.)

Still, for all hisnegotiator’s savvy, the café is somehow stuck at three stars and repelling thebig names in the city’s dining and entertainment industry like a geriatric at ared-carpet event. The catering business is a tough one, he likes to remindMiiko (and others) whenever he returns from another apparently-unsuccessfulmeeting with a prospective supplier or client. Patience is a virtue.

In his rare off-time,the last thing that Leiftan wants is to spend too much time in the café; ascharming as the little place is, it has become synonymous with work in hismind. So at most, he stops by for a caramel macchiato and croissant to-go, andto give a kind word to whatever new face he sees behind the counter. Because heknows (through grueling experience) that there’s a 90% chance they’ll resign intwo weeks.

Kero, the Accountant

He became Miiko’slong-suffering accountant when he showed up at her café one day, nervouslyclutching her ad in the newspaper, and stammered his way through the interviewand why he wasn’t working for major corporations anymore. He was stillstammering for a chance to prove his skill with numbers when Miiko told himthat she’d see him tomorrow morning on the second-floor office. And then heburst into tears, forcing her to brew him a cup of Earl Grey tea to calm himdown. But that part of the story is kept strictly between him and his new boss.

Since then, Kero has servedMiiko with ferocious loyalty on their shared office floor above the café, pullingin generous overtime without being asked, and never so much as asking for araise after all the scrupulous spreadsheets and tax-forms he prepares. His onlygrief is that she doesn’t seem very… patient when listening to his financialadvice. Those meetings always seemed to end with a shot-gun blast of “Are yousaying we can’t work this out?”, forcing Kero to apologize for questioning herdedication and promise to look for more options on his end. And then retiringto his desk, to blink down at his papers and wonder how the hell that happened again. He swore he woulddo better for himself here…

Jamon, the Supplier

An independentWHO-certified, fair-trade organic and vegetarian grocer who was one of Miiko’searliest suppliers, and to date, the one who has lasted the longest. It’smostly because of a strange loyalty he feels to the café’s offbeat cast ofcharacters, who’re always happy to brew a ginseng-fortified kale smoothie justfor him from their salad greens (though he’s also aware none of them couldstomach the same vegetables he could). And frankly, they really look like they can use some help.

So even though he’s notmaking much of a profit by supporting them, Jamon continues to make regularwhole-sale deliveries to Miiko’s café at a sizable discount. Carting enormouscrates from his 100% fossil-fuel free pedal-and-solar-powered car to theirkitchen, either solo or with Cameria for major loads. And always shrugging offthe baristo, baristas, and main baker with a blasé air when they complain atthe ‘rabbit food’ he gives them to work with. Jamon will just grunt his usualline for disgruntled shoppers: it’s healthy for them and the environment. Noreturns.

Karuto, the Head Baker

A cantankerous war veteranand baker said to have been kicked out from a hotel kitchen after getting intoa fist-fight with the manager (though some versions of the tale involved arolling pin, or a bag of flour and a lit cigarette). Regardless, he wound up atMiiko’s modest café looking for a fresh start and what he hoped would be arespite for his piano-wire nerves and high-altitude cholesterol in his middleyears. The reality has turned out to be anything but, considering the clownsthat he now works with.

The worst of the lot is thatobnoxious rich-college-boy who works part-time in his kitchen, and is alwaysready to criticize his creations and his method with that ridiculous grin.The only things that keep Karuto from repeating that stunt with his ex-hotelmanager are a.) reminding himself that he can beat that skinny kid like baguettedough without breaking a sweat, b.) Ezarel’s body is probably insured to a six-figuresum, and c.) taking a pack of cigarettes and a daily mug of Irish coffee in the back alley, with a quadruple-shot ofespresso mixed into the hard liquor. It’s still a hard-knock life.

Ykhar, the Barista and Junior Waitress

A perky but anxious youngjournalism student who found herself at a loss at how the logical tradition of interningat newspapers was doing nothing for her student debts. She came to Miiko’s caféat first looking for a quiet place to sit and mope with a mug ofchamomile-and-honey tea, maybe with almond milk if they had any. Ykhar wasvery surprised, and more than a little in awe, when the elegant, fierybarista—Miiko herself working at the counter at the time—walked up with herorder and asked what was bothering her. A trial job was offered that samenight.

Since then Ykhar has thrownherself into her new job as barista and waitress with the same zeal andbreathless eye-to-detail that set her apart in all the newspapers shevolunteered at. (And limited her to no more than five-hour shifts a day unlessparamedics are on call. Her feet in their Birkenstocks always ache by thesecond hour. And customers have learnt to take pity on her every time shescrews up an order and starts looking green in the face.) Because the hecticjuggling of orders, customers, and workplace health regulations in a café isonly good practice for the hectic world of media, right?

She’s also powered by thatcollege girl’s desire to impress the alphas in her circle—namely glamorous Miikoand worldly, charismatic Leiftan. So as part of her daily ‘mirror pep-talk’ inthe employee bathroom, Ykhar talks to herself like she is Miiko: the fiery vixen and mistress of the bar who won’t takeshit from anyone! And when thatconfidence collapses at the first customer who comes up to her with an “ActuallyI didn’t order this…”, she goes back to the bathroom for five minutes andimagines it’s Leiftan giving her a second pep-talk: that she’s still a champeven with one or two mistakes on her record, as long as she learns to forgive,pick herself up, learn to do better, and getto that next customer surely waiting outside…!

Alajea, the Other Barista and Junior Waitress

Balancing out high-strungYkhar is the airy-fairy musician Alajea, who works part-time at the café whenshe isn’t out trying to score a record deal with her voice. So far, she’s gladthat none of the producers and coaches she meets know that she’s the singlebiggest source of daily expenses in her day-job, from the number of orders shefumbles, and the dishes, mugs, cakes, and coffees that don’t exactly end up ontabletops where they’re supposed to be. (If she’s lucky that day, they won’tend up on the customer either.) Or that she’s the biggest drain on the café’s supplyof apricot syrup and lemon zest, for all the bubbly iced teas she likes tobrew for herself on the side.

No one’s sure why Miikohasn’t fired her yet. But it might be because no one else takes care of thetoddlers, the loners, and the pet dogs and cats that sometimes find their wayinto the café. Alajea may forget to bring the half-dozen coffees-to-go to thatbusinessman by the door chewing his nails and glancing spasmodically at hiswristwatch. But she never forgets to bring frosted strawberry macaroons to thatfour-year-old getting ignored by her mother as she rails about her husband toher girlfriend, or free coffee to the long-faced old man in the corner with hisarmload of newspapers, or to sneak a bowl of milk and old chicken sandwiches tothat fat dog lolling under the corner table. Fortunately, Nevra taught her thatfeeding chocolate or coffee to dogs isn’t the best idea, after the first dayshe tried it.

Karenn, the Advertiser

When Nevra’s little sistertried to squeeze a job out of him ‘as a family favor’, he relented only after stipulatingthat she will not apply for the baristaposition. Karenn is capable of many things, and the last thing he wants isto catch her sneaking shots of the liquor they save for Karuto’s Irish coffees.Or spiking customer coffees to encourage extra tips.

So after Miiko and Leiftanlearnt about her impressive social network pages, she was hired as the café’sgeneral PR manager, online and on the ground. Leave it to a teen girl toknow the internet watering holes. Most days, people can find Karenn at acorner table of the café with a rich mocha, laced with peppermint syrup forthat extra kick… busy spam-posting café updates and photos on four differentsocial networking sites on four different devices. And somehow stilleavesdropping on everyone in the room. Other days, she runs around the cityputting up café fliers, distributing coffee samples, and handing out discountcoupons to the strangest people in the strangest places. Because let’s behonest: their café can’t compete with major coffee-and-tea chains, so they shouldappeal to niche groups, right?

Every time she successfully puts up a flier on a window of a high-rise apartment,crashes a college party with café gifts, gives away coffee to a wild-eyedhomeless man, or distributes coupons to a biker gang, Karenn takes a selfieduring her latest achievement and sends it to her friends and Nevra. Heface-palms every single time, right in front of the customers.

Chrome, the Delivery Boy

A street scamp that Karenn foundoutside a bank one afternoon, chaining his bike to a lamp-post and holding asign that said he’ll “shine shoes, clip dog nails, fetch newspapers, andanything else for spare change”. She and Nevra soon convinced him to work for alittle more by delivering customer orders for the café to neighboring offices,shops, and clinics. A spry kid with his own bike, who knew the city streetslike the back of his hand, could be an asset.

There was one thing thatdidn’t factor into their plan: the boy has no concept of time. Half the time,they’ll receive phone-calls from customers on how their coffees were lateenough to become lukewarm. The other half of the time, Chrome will be lateenough in returning that the next delivery order is getting lukewarm on thecafé counter. (And the boy will take still more time in re-entering thebuilding, because Nevra is already leaning on the counter, frowning likethunder and drumming his fingers on the tabletop.) The end result: Chrome’sphone number is placed on speed-dial for Nevra and Miiko, just so they can callhim up immediately and ask “Where thehell is he?!”

Still, there is another option that might save Chrome’s career in foodservice: Ykhar has noticed he’s a dab hand with the coffee machines, whippingup an excellent mocha Frappuccino, festooned with dark chocolate chips, forhimself (or Karenn…) every time it’s a slow day at the café. In a pinch, he canbe the next baristo, even though he’s a bit mouthy, and can’t stomach any caffeinewithout bouncing off the walls. Just to be on the safe side, they’re delaying arecommendation until after Ezarel leaves a vacancy. The older baristo likes toleave dog treats on a plate with Chrome’s name on it.

Ewelein, the On-Call Doctor

She’s a regular customer whoworks as a physician in the public hospital a few blocks away, and took aliking to the little café because it a.) is less crowded than the hospitalcafé, b.) serves decent sugar-free, non-fat cinnamon cappuccinos for a good price,and d.) has a comfortable chair by the ferns that just agrees with her. Granted,there’s that obnoxious head waiter who likes to hit on her on principle, and awaitress who drops or misplaces every other tray handed to her, but Ewelein haslearned to tactically ward them off with a raised book and a dry expressionwhenever they approach her table.

But to her consternation, thequiet breaks she’s supposed to spend in the café– catching up on a book andworking on her botanical scrapbook collection—became consultation visits afterthe day she gave a Heimlich to another customer choking on a bagel. So fromthen on, she became their resident Florence Nightingale, beset by otherregulars with questions about blood pressure, diabetes, whether coffee is reallya calcium-drain for menopausal women, what side-effects are there for childrenwho consume high amounts of caffeine daily, etc. In the end, just so she could start on her coffee while it’s hot, Ewelein was forcedto draw up a free poster—certified by her hospital—for the café, detailing the top 10 caffeinemyths, and the top 10 little-known truths caffeine-addicts better know.

Despite the hassle, Ewelein still visits the café regularly for herlunch breaks. With that customer-saving Heimlich and then the free publichealth information poster, the café’s willing to offer her free cappuccinos,free meals, and major discounts for other coffees she picks up for hercolleagues, just to keep her nearby in case things really go wrong. Well, a free lunch is a free lunch.

Ashkore, the Vandal

A mysterious rogue from theinner city who wears a black dragon-print ski mask and loves to make lifemiserable for the denizens of Miiko’s café. His first declaration of war: helobbed a signed brick into the front window, shattering the glass and openingthe café to the other nighttime lunatics on the street.

Since then, someof his favorite tricks include graffiti on the café’s front, givingunflattering anonymous tip-offs to health inspectors, posting inflammatory fliers onthe windshields of customer and employee cars, slashing the tires of employeecars as well, stalking new hires until they quit within weeks, and pickinglocks to steal supplies straight from the back room, if he doesn’t take a crackat the register or the safe in Miiko’s office. Every time he breaks in, the manwho signs himself off as Ashkore likes to brew a cup of Turkish black coffeefor himself using their equipment and ingredients, drink it down, and leave thedrained cup on the counter as his calling card. With no payment, of course.

Speculation on who the bastard is has ranged from amercenary lout paid by a dogged rival café, to one of the café’s manydisgruntled ex-employees, to someone with a personal grudge against eitherMiiko, Leiftan, or one of the other regular staff-members of the café. Eitherway, Ashkore is canny enough to have evaded all police sicced on his trail, andValkyon with his baseball bat.

Miiko has since enacted a ‘We shall not be intimidated by terrorists!’policy: the café will remain standing, and all employees must virtuously ignorethe ‘little jackass’ tormenting them, while she, Leiftan, and Valkyon installsecurity cameras and bully the police into making routine sweeps along theirstreet. So far, none of it seems to discourage Ashkore. Now, he just cheerfullyflips off the cameras when breaking in.

This went waaaay further than I expected (asusual…). But AUs are just so much fun. :) And cafes are home to a lot of stories.

I also couldn’t resist adding each character’s preferred drink in eachentry. They need their caffeine (or ginseng shots) too.

Enjoy this quirky piece atthe next coffee shop you visit. :) And don’t forget to leave feedback (forhere, and/or that place you sip your lattes at).

#request #headcanon #Eldarya #Alajea #Ashkore #Chrome #Ewelein #Ezarel #Jamon #Karenn #Karuto #Kero #Leiftan #Miiko #Nevra #Valkyon #Ykhar

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