#Getting in that mgs mood so got more mgs drawing in the work but I got so many issues actually drawing lol

[wildfirefruitjars]

"That's Major Ocelot to you!"

A crappy lil drawing of MGS3 Ocelot I drew for my sister while we were chatting on the phone, I had shared her this post (pls see below) and we both agreed Ocelot needed such a beautiful hat!

https://www.tumblr.com/ur-daily-inspiration/768150529914404864?source=share

[mk-writes-stuff]

Ok the thought randomly popped into my head, but how do you think the core MG trio (Astra, Mashal, and Ivander) would do aboard the Seven Stations? Like, how many nobles do you think a mage, a robot, and a cursed man would draw the attention of?

(No pressure to answer in any timely fashion, but the image of those three trying to figure out a space station is amusing me immensely)

As it happens, I’m procrastinating on another project I’m working on right now, so I can answer this right away :)

Astra would not be in luck. The minute she pulled out one of those ribbons (or any other form of magic), she’d have a target painted on her back. Astra’s magic is ridiculously powerful and flexible by Seven Stations standards - every noble who’s even willing to consider killing people for their magic would be hoping to get her. And Astra’s certainly competent, but I don’t think she could defeat enough guards (especially armed with things like beam cutters) to be able to escape. If she were somehow able to hide her magic, she might be able to make a living as an engineer on Fourth Station, but she’d be living on borrowed time. Tbf, she’d probably find the stations super interesting, but she wouldn’t have a lot of a chance to investigate it.

Mashal would… uh… also probably not be doing great. He wouldn’t be killed outright - magic in the Seven Stations doesn’t work the way Illarian magic works, so they wouldn’t recognize him as magical. He’d probably be scooped up by the nearest set of nobles and sooner or later end up on Fourth Station being inspected. Depending on who got ahold of him, he’d have different experiences. If Authority (or Winston) got him, he’d be in for a very thorough and extremely invasive investigation. If Ruthlessness got him, she’d try to intimidate him and probably dismantle him. His best luck would be if Ambition got at him - she’d still want to study him quite carefully but would be willing to question him rather than start with taking him apart, and she might even be willing to try to negotiate with whoever had captured Astra to try to (temporarily) free her to interrogate her about Mashal. She’d probably still kill her, but Mashal would be in a better place than with any of the others.

Ivander would probably, honestly, do pretty well. Due to the way magic works, his curse would be considered more of a medical condition than a magical thing, and the illusion pin, while clearly magical, wouldn’t necessarily be assumed to be made by him. He also has good enough polite society manners, so he’d probably be able to keep the nobles in a good mood. He’d probably end up on Seventh Station offering to spy for Ricinus or Belladonna in exchange for pain medication and skin grafts to help his curse. I don’t think he’d care for the stations very much, but I think he’d like what he can get because of them.

As a bonus, I think Avymere and Elsind would also do okay. Avymere is a noble and a diplomat, they’d be able to charm the other nobles (they don’t take too poorly to other nobles when they meet the elvish rulership, so they’d probably be fine with Avymere). Elsind would definitely be investigated and studied on Seventh Station, but Ricinus has bigger priorities than an unknown creature, and Belladonna wouldn’t be the sort to hurt them. Elsind’s chances aren’t as good as Avymere’s, but I think they’d both do okay.

Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun with this :)

[acelessthan3]

given that I work in the supplement industry with ease of access, product information, a lot of reading time, and willingness to experiment on my own body; I guess you could say I’m an amateur biohacker 

so I’ma lay some knowledge on you

guess if I’m gonna be thorough

first off: don’t trust everything you read on the internet, but if you’re going to examine and selfhacked are two reputable, well-researched, well-sourced places for information on any given nutritional supplement. I’m more inclined to trust examine if I have to choose between the two. If they don’t have an article on it, there probably hasn’t been enough science done to warrant putting it together.

that said, just because science doesn’t have something to say about a thing, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work in some way, just means science hasn’t done the work to look at it yet and Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurvedic Traditions and various Indigenous Peoples’ herbal remedies have merit and are worth looking at

I’m also not a doctor, but I’ve got a BS in Kinesiology so I’ve taken enough anatomy and biochemistry to at least be able to read most of the science I come across. I also work as a supplement whore and have years of customer interactions and corporate product trainings to know what’s hot in the industry, what the trends are for consumers, what doctors and naturopaths most frequently recommend.

Here’s my go-to supplements:

Vitamin D

This one’s in the news a lot lately. The science is all over the place, but chances are if you’re in a Western country that isn’t tropically or sub-tropically located and don’t work outdoors in very little clothing, you probably need at least some Vitamin D. It’s important in immune function, calcium absorption, mood and actually quite a few other things that are still being investigated. I come from Pacific Islander genetics (I’ve got melanin y’all) and live near the Canadian border, I find it helps me with Seasonal Affective Disorder symptoms. Unless specifically stated to be vegan, most D will be sourced from lanolin (the fatty substance from sheep’s wool) in softgels with a sunflower/canola carrier oil.

Nitric Oxide Boosters

There’s actually a lot of these that work in different ways, but science is finding that nitric oxide levels in the blood are part of how the body maintains healthy blood pressure. Nitric oxide in the body relaxes smooth muscles which increases the diameter of blood vessels, increasing blood flow. It’s part of how your body lowers blood pressure post-exercise.

There’s several ways (supplementally speaking) to increase nitric oxide in the body. The easiest is to increase available nitrates. As nitrates are digested, they, you guessed it, increase nitric oxide in the blood. Some supplementally available sources of nitrates include: beet root (powder or capsules) and leafy greens.  Synthetic forms like potassium nitrate also exist.

Another way to increase nitric oxide is to use the other metabolic pathways providing appropriate chemical precursors to aid in those biological functions. The most common is L-Arginine. L-Arginine is an amino acid that gets converted into nitric oxide. It’s also used in muscle protein synthesis. It’s in nuts and seeds and meat, and can be supplemented as a standalone molecule. Bioavailability (how well your body can absorb it) is limited as a supplement though because a lot gets broken down in the gut before it can hit the bloodstream, and it’s frequently paired with L-Citrulline (a different amino acid found in high amounts in watermelon) which is converted to arginine in the body but doesn’t get broken down before being absorbed. Aged Garlic Extract (capitalized because it’s a trademarked version that has specifically been studied) works on this by upregulating nitric oxide synthase (which is just fancy for nitric oxide-making enzyme).

Any sports/bodybuilding product that talks about increasing muscle pump is probably using at least one ingredient that affects nitric oxide levels. For dudes, any reputable supplement marketed for “blood flow” will contain at least one ingredient that affects nitric oxide levels (also a lot of the ingredients in those same products are also marketed as “testosterone boosting” ingredients actually do have uses as nitric oxide boosters if you look at the science). And by reputable I mean you won’t find it at a gas station.

There are various other herbs and things that some studies have shown to affect nitric oxide levels, they’re not as common and/or don’t have much research backing them up, but I’ll list a bunch. Pycnogenol, Horny Goat Weed (epimedium grandiflorum), Grape Seed Extract, Ginseng Tribulus Terrestris. Antioxidants like Resveratrol (a polyphenol originally derived from red grape skins), Glutathione, CoQ10. 

Magnesium

It’s like super important in the body. It’s like the fifth most common element in the human body and is an essential electrolyte for muscle and nerve function. Food sourcing is always best, but there’s arguments to be made that because of corporate monoculturing and depletion of topsoil, that contemporary foods are much lower in minerals than they were pre-industrial. So supplemental. There’s a ton of different types. The way I explain it, pure, metallic magnesium isn’t very useful to the body, so as a supplement you have to chelate (chemistry speak for react it) it with... something. Magnesium oxide is the cheapest (with oxygen). It’s the least bioavailable, but also has the highest elemental Mg of all the chelates. Magnesium Citrate is probably the next most common/cheapest. It’s mixed with citric acid. Take too high a dose of either of these at once and it will cause an electrolye imbalance in your gut. Basically your gut goes hey there’s too much salt in here (and magnesium chelates are salts) and draws a bunch of water into your intestines to flush it out. Sometimes prescribed to treat constipation. The next class are your amino acid chelates. Glycinate, Taurate, Threonate, to name a few. Research is still emerging, but different amino acids get the magnesium to different parts of the body and they have slightly different effects. They’re the most bioavailable because the human body is designed to recognize and digest proteins to amino acids. Magnesium chloride (or ionic) is going to be salt water derived with the sodium salt removed. I personally take a ZMA form, which is Zinc Magnesium Aspartate (with B6) specifically because it’s been well-studied in athletes for promoting restful sleep. I’ve also done a mag citrate in powdered drink form and found that it helped prevent cramping and somewhat mitigate my nighttime bruxism.

Nootropics to control your mood

So there’s all the caffeine and brain performance enhancers. I’m not really into that. A lot of products for memory and focus specifically have herbs and other ingredients that at least some studies have shown increase blood flow to the parts of the brain that help with... memory and focus. Those will be your Huperzine A, Bacopa, Ginkgo Biloba, Rosemary and, well, anything I mentioned above under nitric oxide boosters because more blood flow! I guess the Lion’s Mane Mushrooms would be in this class of nootropics. 

Another class of nootropics are your “Brain Foods” these are direct chemical precursors to various neurotransmitters in your brain. The idea being that if you give your brain more of the raw materials it needs to make serotonin, acetylcholine, gaba or dopamine, it will make them. There’s a bunch and I forget exactly which ones go with which, but L-Tyrosine, TMG (trimethylglycine), L-Phenylalanine, L-Tryptophan (and it’s own metabolite 5-HTP), Acetyl-L-Carnitine, Alpha GPC, L-theanine, GABA, L-Citrulline, L-DOPA (and in plant form as mucuna pruriens).

The one that I recommend most often is L-theanine. It’s an amino acid derived from green tea. It’s part of why the caffeine in tea doesn’t make you as jittery as the same amount of caffeine from coffee. L-theanine is a direct chemical precursor to GABA which is the neurotransmitter most active in the parasympathetic nervous system (aka, the rest and digest nervous system). It’s like a literal chill pill when it comes to acute anxiety and works within like half an hour. You can also get GABA by itself.

You also have your adaptogens, which are a classes of herbs that help balance your hormones and “adapt” to stress. Ashwaganda, rhodiola, various ginsengs, tulsi “holy basil” and I’m sure several others I’m forgetting. Most are from ayurvedic or TCM uses.

There’s also CBD which helps some people with anxiety. The kind you can find at supplement stores or health food stores will be hemp-derived, which means by under the 2018 Farm Bill it cannot contain more than 0.3% THC by weight or it is classified as a marijuana/cannabis product and therefore illegal federally.

Sleep

I don’t fuck with melatonin. Most healthy bodies with an uninterrupted circadian rhythm naturally produce less than 0.3mg of melatonin at night so all these sleep supplements with 1, 5, TEN mg of melatonin kind of scare me and I always try to steer people to a lower dose first unless they’re coming in on doctor’s orders. 

GABA and L-theanine because they’re calming can be helpful for sleep if the problem is turning off your brain. They’re non-sedative on their own but can be helpful. 

Magnesium also relaxes the body and can be helpful for sleep.

CBD and Ashwaganda for their stress-relieving properties are frequently marketed for sleep. 

Herbally there’s valerian, st john’s wort, poppy and kava kava. The risk of complications or potential interference with medications are why I don’t recommend these ones first unless someone is specifically looking for them. Lavender, chamomile, hops, and catnip are all usually pretty safe and common in herbal blends.

Homeopathy

I don’t trust homeopathy. The idea that small amounts of a thing that would normally cause the symptom you’re trying to treat makes sense. That’s the same principle behind inducing an immune response with vaccines. The idea that the more you dilute the thing, the more powerful it’s action in the body? Sketchy at best. The idea that the water used to dilute the thing will remember it so even if the dilution is so massive that there are no actual molecules of the original substance in a hundred pills (that are also, for the record, dry)? You lost me.

That said, surgeons do recommend 6C or 10X Arnica after surgery for bruising and it does seem to lessen the heal time.

Yeah, if you have questions on anything specific, feel free to shoot me an ask. If I don’t know off the top of my head, I can find out.

[clowngremlin]

it’s only 8:20, but im in a positive mood so its time for my good things list!!!! i will be combining saturday, sunday and today’s because i havent written one since friday!! under the cut because its very long!!!

saturday:

-a very obvious good thing is my top surgery assessment!! i have already made a post about it but it went very well and i am excited for the future!!! it was also nice to see my gender therapist!!! he’s a really nice and cool dude!!!

-going to the mall after gender therapy!!! i went to a mall i dont normally go to because its in a different city than the big city and the city i live in, it’s in more of a city/suburb sort of thing, but it’s a nice mall!!! they have a great food court with a sick arcade but i didnt go to the arcade, i just walked around the mall!!

-i got some really fun keychains for my backpack and phone!! i got a waluigi one for my phone, a jack-o-lantern one for my phone, a popplio one for my back pack as well as a gengar in a pumpkin for my backpack!!! they were all really reasonably priced, because im pretty sure they’re imported from japan!!! i also wanted to buy some love live merch for hope and i, but they didnt have any of hope’d favorite girl, and the love live stuff as a bit expensive and i really wanted the other ones more but its good to know they have them there!!!

-got some delightful bootleg garfs at the mall too!! and for only $2!!!! it was so excellent!!! they also had a big garf car sticker, but i didnt have enough to buy it because i wanted to save some money for going into the city to go to my favorite vintage stores and the flea market!! also i dont have a car, but i thought it might be a fun sticker for my skateboard or sketchbook!!!

-went to my favorite vintage stores and got some nice things!! i got a cowboy shirt, and a cool cardigan that matches one of my new shirts i got for my birthday!!

-the girl working at my favorite vintage store complimented my outfit again and we had a lovely conversation!! we also talked to this dude who was buying a really cool shirt that i wish i could have bought, but im glad he got it because i have too many shirts anyways and also he was wearing a shirt i had tried on a few weeks ago, but didnt buy because i wasnt super into it so im glad it got a nice home and his outfit was so good!!! it made me feel better about being a masc presenting person who wears funky clothing!!!

-talked to one of my best pals on video chat because i was having a panic attack about work and it helped me calm down and it was so nice to talk to him :>

-in the morning before gender therapy, i got some quality puppy time and eli was very good and did excellent on his walk and made many new friends and was very snuggly!!!

-i wore an excellent outfit that consisted of a rainbow checkered button down @delusionaljellyfish gave me for my birthday, my favorite jeans, a pair of cool dinosaur socks that went really well with the button down, my favorite jacket and my favorite vans!!

-it was nice and sunny and warm!!!

sunday:

sunday was a bad all for the most part and i cried at work like twice and once on the bus going to my friends house from work but there were some positives so we will focus on that!!!

-worked with one of my friends at work!! i actually worked with many friends, but this friend is like an actual friend outside of work too so it was nice to work with her 

-did a good job sampling at work even though i wanted to not be at work and felt upset the whole time, i tried to not let it show and did my best and people really liked the samples

-heard a weird cover of the jeepers creepers song at work

-after i got off work which was early because of shift was cut which isnt good and i got upset and got in trouble for being upset about it, i went to one of my best friend’s house and we watched the umbrella academy and had some tasty drinks!! we also snuggled with her cat and she listened to be vent about work

-this gets its own point, my best friend bought me a creme egg mcflurry!!!! this is a double whammy, because it one, means its creme egg mcflurry season again and that’s one of my favorite treats, and two, my best friend bought me ice cream, which is always nice!!!

-the umbrella academy gets another mention because its so fun and i love it

-had a discord call with @delusionaljellyfish !!! i always love talking to amanda and she was working on a really cool drawing while we were talking and i love seeing her art, she’s so talented and im not saying that because i’ve tagged her in the post, im saying that because i genuinely feel it and its the truth and she deserves recognition for all the hard work she puts into her art and she is one of the most talented people i know!!!!!!!!!!

-also had a video call with one of my other really good friends!!!! we talked until like 1:00 am and he listened to me vent about work as well and we also talked about other really interesting topics!!

-got gendered correctly at work and had multiple people call me sir, and one guy called me buddy in that way that older men call young men buddy, which was nice and gender affirming

monday (today):

-got to sleep in!!

-got to spend lots of quality time with baby boy eli!!!! and i got payed to do so!!!!! i would have done it for free, because i had nothing better to do today anyways, but extra money is always a bonus

-it was nice out when i took eli for his walks, and he made new friends as well!! he makes new friends where he goes and everyone is so delighted to see him!!

-got gendered correctly by the people in my building for once because i dont think my dad has told them im a guy, and often misgenders me to our neighbors, but i think these people are new and so they dont know im trans!

-worked on my comic for a bit and listened to some reel big fish and had such a nostalgic throwback to being in elementary school because i used to listen to a lot of ska dfghjhgjdfgj

-had a phone interview that im hoping went well!!

-realized that i need to stop stressing out about work and all this shit that in the grand scheme of things, isnt a big deal!!! i have been through worse things, and those things were only temporary, much like how these things are only temporary!! things will get better and be ok!!!

-talked to many friends today!!! im in a fun discord sever with some new pals and i talked to some of them about being transmasc, i also talked to one of my friends from work after she tagged me in a post about not stressing about things which was actually really solid advice and i needed to hear it, and she said some really nice things to me!!!! it made me feel really nice on the inside!!! someone im online friends with also sent me a really funny mgs video on discord!!! i also talked to @bruisedratboy today and i always love talking to josh, he’s one of my really close friends and he’s great!!! and im also not just saying that because i tagged him in this, i genuinely love josh and think he’s a great dude!!!

-had a nice conversation with my dad when he got home from work and we hung out with eli and ate dinner!! he also made bacon sandwiches is which si tasty.....

-my dad bought me my favorite pop, which is the blue mountain dew!!!

-my brother and i had a nice conversation before he left the house in the early afternoon, and i helped him pick out a jacket to go with his extremely good outfit!! he also made me coffee which was really nice of him!!

-i got that extremely wonderful anonymous ask today!!! anon, if ur reading this, i just want u to know how much that ask meant to me, like i genuinely mean that. it made me so happy, especially since i’ve had some really fucky days lately and have been feeling really upset and not very positive, but im trying and so im glad my positivity is being appreciated and that u like my posts!!! i hope ur having a good day, and u continue to have good times and such things because u must be a wonderful and kind individual to send someone such a delightful thing and u deserve good things and i appreciate u so much, whoever u are!!!! this is what the anon feature is for, babey!!! sending people delightful messages and leaving good feelings!!!!

-i got followed by someone on instagram who makes really cool pins and if i can save some extra money, i will see if i can buy one some day!!

-eli was extremely cute today!!!

[sisterbestill]

I write this on my iPhone, sitting next to my dad, who is currently getting his 4th Chemo Therapy Treatment of Carboplatin and Taxol. The drugs are chemical bombs and each week the accumulative damage grows. They pre-treat him with histamine blocking meds so he doesn’t have reactions, but he has reactions during the infusion, like he can’t breath. The nurses are well aware and calmly manage the reactions with more meds. These meds cause him to become very drowsy, so the remainder of the day becomes about keeping him from falling.

I still am trying to process all that has occurred since early August 2018. I look back on these pictures of our last outing at Lake Jocassee and never would have guessed how things would change just a week later. I’ve often wondered how cancer strikes people so quickly, now I know. I am writing this so I will never forget each minute that will forever live with me. I am also using this as a way to cope and understand something that is unfamiliar and terrifying.

My parents have always taken care of themselves and one another. They have been very lucky to have good health and I have been lucky to have them as energetic as they are in their eighties. When they moved up here from Florida, I was delighted I was going to finally be able to spend more time with them - like daily and weekly vs. just twice a year. They moved 15 minutes away or a lovely 60 min bike ride through rolling countryside and mountains. I was giddy and felt the universe shift a bit. I felt pulled to them. They are in fact two of the coolest, funniest, and open-minded people I know.

Shortly after this kayak trip (photos above) they decided to make a pact to live to 100 and created a “bucket list”. They were thankful for their health and never took it for granted. Perhaps the bucket list idea was a way to for them to celebrate how young they felt or perhaps they recognized they were chronologically getting up there.

Paddling on Jocassee was relaxing, calm, and beautiful; Certainly an experience they would have loved to have recreated again and I am hopeful they will. It may look different in the future, but I suspect the beauty and calmness of the lake will bath their brains in peace.

A week after snapping these pics, I got a call from my mom, she was on her way to the ER with my Dad. I was working one floor up and met them in the ER. While we waited, I learned my Dad had been feeling fatigued for several months and had developed shortness of breath over last few weeks. It wasn’t evident on the kayak trip that he was struggling, but it was obvious in the ER. My mom said they had been to their primary care several times and their primary care doc reassured him it was natural aging, as tests did not reveal anything to be concerned about.

As we sat for 6 hours in the waiting area, I was certain it was nothing serious. Afterall, my dad had no other health issues other than a little hypertension. His meds consisted of an 81 mg baby aspirin and amlodipine 2.5 mg each day - what a lucky guy. I was thinking maybe he had pleurisy or walking pneumonia.

We finally were shown to a room and labs were drawn. We were relieved to finally get things moving. By this time my sister, Lori, and I were getting silly from the fatigue of waiting. We were thoroughly entertained by a belligerent drunk guy on a stretcher in the halllway who seemed to draw all the attention of the medical staff while we well-behaved folks waited for answers.

I noticed my dad’s HR would easily jump to a sinus tach in the 130s with just a little bit of movement. Something didn’t seem right, but I was not going to speculate or think the worst. I was just his daughter, at his side, keeping the mood light.

We were informed by the physician assistant caring for us that his left diaphragm was elevated and was probably the cause of his shortness of breath. I was a little taken back as this was an unusual finding that left me with a knot in my stomach. Not too long after this finding he was whisked away for a CT of his chest.

He returned to the room and we waited for results. The PA came in with a sticky note and said she read off it: “You have a very large anterior mediastinal mass...No one here will operate because of your age...We are discharging you and you will need to see an oncologist.”

Our mouths dropped. My stomach bottomed-out as she said “mass” and my face flushed. We all just blankly looked at one another. Go home?

I spoke to a good nurse friend in recovery and she called the thoracic resident. I spoke to the PA who delivered the news and said, “We can’t go home. He is short of breath. He and my mom live alone. His Heart rate is bouncing up to 130s. He is weak. Please admit him and consult thoracic surgery.” My dad chimes in, “I’m not a throw away!” Meaning he doesn’t want to be dismissed because of his chronological age. He was far healthier than most half his age and this deserved a second look. The radiologist who read the report never actually saw my dad, but he did see a birthdate.

The next day, the interventional radiologist who read his CT and gave us the crappy news also did a needle biopsy of this baseball size mass.

We went home on a Wednesday after 2 days and waited. We were waiting for results and waiting for an appointment with a thoracic surgeon. Waiting is tough and if you are sick you will learn the meaning of patience.

We made it to Sunday when I thought something wasn’t right with my dad. He continued to have episodes of shortness of breath, but something was still off. I knew he had anxiety, but this was different. He said he felt fine and I almost left it at that. As a nurse you learn to listen to your 6th sense.

My parents live in a remote part of the county where everything is 30 min away. I left there house and an hour later returned with a pulse oximeter that I purchased from a CVS drug store. His oxygenation was 95% not bad for a guy now breathing 40 times a minute with 1.25 lung capacity. However, his pulse read 155 and I was baffled. No way?! I palpated his radial artery and it was a match. Off we went to the ER...

ER visit number II was faster as we went to a smaller satellite hospital 30 min from their home. The rhythm was too fast on the monitor to establish what it was so the ER MD attempted to chemically cardiovert him with adenosine. Adenosine is pushed quickly through an IV. It stops and restarts the heart. I can not lie, I was nervous. It’s so diffferent when this is your own family member. My mom tearfully excused herself and I stayed by his bedside. The ER doc informed my dad it would suck, and we proceeded. It sucked. He felt his heart stop and I watched his eyes bulge and panic come across his face for 3 of the longest seconds of my life. We were able to see he had an underlying atrial flutter. We were started on a verapamil drip and were transported to the main hospital for management by a cardiologist. His heart converted back to a normal rhythm on the verapamil drip before we left the ER in transport to Main hospital at 1 am. We were under the impression it was stress related to the new shitty diagnosis and having to wait on results.

The next day he had an echocardiogram to look at the structure and function of his heart. He was started on a Metoprolol a drug that blocks adrenaline and keeps heart rate lower and it was doing its’ job.

He spent 2 nights in hospital and outside of naps, lacked solid hours of good sleep. We finally got word that his ECHO results were good. No one said a word about metastatic disease to his pericardium. We were told he had a small ring of fluid within the pericardial sack, but it wasn’t a lot and certainly not something they felt needed draining. The atrial flutter responded well to the metoprolol and we were discharged home to once again wait for our thoracic surgery appointment.

We finally made it to the thoracic surgeon to learn of what was growing in my dad’s mediastinum. I was hoping for a thymoma, but instead we drew the really short stick with a highly aggressive, highly invasive cancer called: Squamos Cell Thymic Carcinoma.

WTF? Come on! Can we not catch a break here?

I had never heard of this type of cancer and neither have many in the medical field cause in addition to being aggressive and invasive, it is also a rare tumor. A rare tumor that hasn’t impacted enough lives that researchers devote a lot of time, money and effort into understanding it. Not only that, but sadly, most people die before any data can be collected. Once you get short of breath, dry cough and fatigue it is usually advanced.

PET Scan had some questionable lymph nodes light up, but no other disease was noted distal to the mediastinal cavity.

We hoped it could be removed. Excising the tumor was first choice in the management of this cancer and had the best outcomes, but to do this the surgeon would need to get clean margins. The thoracic surgeon wanted a cardiac MRI to examine if this tumor had invaded any of his great vessels. CT scans had only shown that the tumor was abutting the ascending aorta, but we needed to be certain cause the surgery involved opening his sternum with a saw and recovery would be 5-6 weeks. The surgeon emphasized that he didn’t want to operate and create trauma without being able to get the entire tumor. He didn’t want to delay care in a time-is-of-the-essence scenario.

It was 6pm on a Monday evening just days out from last hospitalization, when I returned to their house to check on him. Earlier that morning, my mom and I took his mini Pomeranian back to the vet and learned it was dying. The vet apologized and said it was time. We put my dad’s 18 y/o Pom, Ben, to sleep at 10:30. My mom held him and he passed. We were a mess. We told my dad and his response seemed flat. Distant.Something else was on his mind.

I stayed close and felt something was amiss, something was unfolding, progressing. I was thinking is he getting an infection? His temp was 100.2, slightly more SOB, and his pulse was 95-110 at rest, on a beta blocker. Nowhere near his norm and I could not ignore this or excuse it. My dad is precious to me. I looked at my mom and dad, apologized as I informed them we needed to go back to the ER. They were agreeable. I think he was relieved I recognized something was wrong.

Shortly after arrival at the satellite ER labs were drawn and ultrasound of his heart was done by ER doc. He said there appeared to be a large fluid collection around my dad’s heart. We were again admitted to ICU for a condition called Cardiac Tamponade. Early the next morning he had the fluid drained 600 ml from around his heart. The fluid build up which is inside the pericardial sac squeezes the heart. The heart can be stunned and go into failure. The fluid that was drawn off was sent for cytology. It was suspicious. It was likely metastatic disease.

In fact after annoying the cardiologist with repeated questions in the hallway, he motioned me over to his computer screen. He showed me the ECHO and pointed out the thickening of the pericardium and showed me a mass dangling from his ventricle. I didn’t need to wait for cytology. This was confirmation for me that we were very far into a disease process. My face flushed, my heart sank, and my stomach dropped as I comprehended the situation. I thanked the MD and my mom asked what he was showing me. I told her. I saw the color leave her face.

The thoracic surgeon was still hoping to remove the mass as the CT didn’t show it had invaded the great vessels, but he did want a Cardiac MRI which was on the back burner. We were still in ICU cause the Cardiac Tamponade and procedure to drain the fluid triggered a lot of Atrial Flutter and Atrial Fibrillation. We waited for the Cardiac MRI for 3 days. There is only one machine and his was repeated twice before they got quality images. The thoracic surgeon finally met with us and after consulting his partners, radiologist, and oncologist, it was decided surgery was just too risky and he wasn’t certain he could get clear margins. He stressed how he didn’t want to create more problems or delay my dad in getting treatment if there were complications. We very much appreciated the thoughtfulness of his answer. We really didn’t have a minute to spare. The surgeon decided to cut a window in my dad’s heart so the cancer did not build up more fluid and compress this vital organ again. The cancer cells would drain into his belly instead of filling the pericardial sack.

We were discharged home in a questionable state: weak. At first we were told he would stay until he was walking well, but the hospital was full and we were off-loaded unexpectedly. Home is a place with stairs. Stairs to to get in and stairs to get out and the most movement he had done in a week was walking 25 ft with a walker and that was exhausting for him. I was concerned about falls. How were me and my mom going to get 170 lb man up 5 steps safely? He was too weak. He hadn’t eaten, he had not slept in 10 days. We were behind the eight ball and chemo had not even started.

Chemo is rough. To survive chemo, one needs some level of fitness, meaning able to perform ADLs independently and move often. We were overwhelmed. The next week was labor intensive and emotionally draining. Here we were home and we were struggling. He still wasn’t eating, still not sleeping, and my radar was on constant alert. I spent my days observing and looking for subtle changes. Oh and there were changes that needed immediate attention as he flipped in and out of rapid atrial fibrillation and got urinary tract infection.

I was scared and my dad was terrified. In times when we were alone, he would ask me: “How did this happen?” He would shake his head as if disappointed in his body. Disbelief. He was unable to comprehend it and he too was terrified.

To be continued...

[lanadelreyfiles-blog]

How Lana Del Rey Wrote Her Most Politically-Engaged Album Yet By Meaghan Garvey for Billboard Magazine. When mysterious, melancholy Lana Del Rey announced her fifth album with a beaming smile and a lead single simply called 'Love,' it seemed change was in the wind. Coming on the heels of 2015's darkly introspective ‘Honeymoon,’ a Billboard 200 No. 2 album, fans theorized that this would be Del Rey's “happy album.” Instead, as the 2016 election worked its way into her writing process, Del Rey, 32, metabolized the surrounding chaos into a work both engaged and transportive. "I like the Leonard Cohen quote: 'There's a crack in everything/That's how the light gets in,'" Del Rey says. "I feel like this is the year where we're seeing a lot of cracks -- the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in [that] is that we get to shine light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. That makes me feel excited, actually." Along with her longtime collaborator, producer Rick Nowels, Del Rey wove '60s folk with stripped-down hip-hop percussion and, for the first time in her career, welcomed a thoughtfully eclectic guest roster (including Stevie Nicks, The Weeknd and Playboi Carti). For Del Rey, one of few album-oriented pop artists these days, tapping into the mood of the moment paid off: Lead single 'Love' spent two weeks atop the Rock Digital Song Sales chart, and ‘Lust for Life’ became Del Rey's second Billboard 200 No. 1.

Meaghan Garvey: How has this year been for you? You’ve had all these great career highs, but at the same time, at least personally, it’s hard not to feel a bit beaten down by the world… Lana Del Rey: Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. I try and take different approaches to how I see things every day. Because I guess if you just watched the news only, and didn’t have your own perspective, it would be hard to get through the day. But I really like the Leonard Coen quote: “There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” I feel like this is the year where we’re seeing a lot of cracks—all the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in all of these things that have been coming out is that we get to shine a lot of light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. So that’s something I like to hold on to, and it makes me feel excited, actually. Because it feels like it’s happening fast. MG: It’s funny because, leading up to ‘Lust For Life,’ a lot of people were like: “Oh my god, Lana is smiling! This is going to be her happy album!” And definitely there’s a shift that seems significant, but I don’t know if “happy” is the word I would use. How do you feel about that? LDR: I think maybe a good word to use would be more present—less from the outside looking in, and sort of a more integrated perspective lyrically. Like, it’s not just about love, or feeling disappointed, it’s also about being in LA, cause that’s where I live, and thinking about… You know, like a song ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing,’ and the lyric is, “Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?”, kind of like we were saying earlier. I was thinking about things that are broader than just my relationships, which was nice for me. Probably nice for the fans, too—a little bit of a reprieve. MG: Starting off with a blank slate, did you have some idea that these were things you wanted to express, that this was going to be a more integrated perspective, or was that just kind of where the songs took you? LDR: Well, I think I started writing the record in the reverse order that the tracklisting is in now. So I started with the more… I don’t know how to describe them. I don’t wanna use the word “negative.” But we’ll say, I started writing the darker songs first. ‘Heroine,’ ‘Get Free,’ and then I kept ‘13 Beaches’ at the front of the tracklisting. I had a lot of songs where I was trying to state my intentions of what I wanted; in ‘Get Free,’ I wanted to move forward, I wanted to feel differently. ‘Heroine’ I was thinking about some stuff that had happened in the past. And then ‘13 Beaches,’ I was lamenting over the fact that it took me that many beaches to find a quiet one to just chill out at. So I had to get through all of my complaining [laughs]. And then once I got to be cathartic in that way, I thought: Alright, now I want to invite my friends in. I want The Weeknd to come in and be on a track, and [A$AP] Rocky’s so cool, I want him to be on a track. Obviously, the election was happening halfway through my writing process, and I was thinking about the election, and I wrote four songs that didn’t end up going on the record that were a little more politically oriented. I didn’t end up using those, but ‘When The World Was At War We Kept Dancing’ and ‘God Bless America — And All The Beautiful Women In It,’ we kept on the record. So i was sort of just letting the process happen to me as I was moving through the election—and also just working through my personal life, which has been… very balanced. That’s all the little things that culminated into the body of work. MG: It’s interesting because we seem to have reached this point of cultural urgency that extends even to pop music—not to say that your music is necessarily pop music, but some people would put you there. And sometimes that works quite well, and other times it’s like, ugh, swing and a miss! [Lana starts laughing] And when ‘Coachella — Woodstock In My Mind’ came out, I think it caught people off-guard—like, wait, Lana Del Rey is getting woke? It could’ve gone so wrong, but you pulled it off completely! LDR: [Laughs] I know what you mean. But everybody has a different level of emotional depth that they draw from, and you know, I didn’t always choose to draw from—you know, that’s not true, actually. I was always drawing from my deeper writing well the best that I could. But I was just in a different place. I know what you mean, though, it can go so badly. It can go so wrong. But I actually was never worried. I’m never really worried about whether I can pull off a sentiment, because I know if I’m even trying to write it, I’ll eventually finesse the language and the mood of it in a way that feels comfortable to me. Because I know if it sounds comfortable to me, it’s gonna be comfortable for the fans. It would never be something that like, reads in a weird way. I mean, I really trust my writing voice so much—even more than my decision-making voice. MG: You’re really good at knowing, like: Sometimes things need to be subtle, and sometimes symbolic, and then sometimes need to be really on-the-nose because that’s just what the situation calls for. LDR: Yea, I think that’s true. MG: It’s also interesting that ‘Lust For Life’ felt so suited to the madness of 2017, but it also was very soothing. It sort of absorbed the madness and metabolized it into something that was transportive, even as it reached out into the world. And that was nice, because it wasn’t just like, “Oh, we’re fucked man!” LDR: I love the way you just described that—“metabolizing” something. My version of that word is “integrating” it, and processing it. Like, I take so much time for myself to think, and to meditate, and to talk to people I really trust about what they think, so I’ve got a lot of perspective that’s wound up into my own. And that really helps me to have a balanced view on everything. I mean, even though overall, it’s pretty dramatic. Even in L.A. right now, with the fires, and in Sonoma up north. And the earthquakes and everything—it’s a lot! But, I don’t know, I just have this really strong instinct that it’s all leading in a much-needed, different direction, that hopefully we’re all leaning into. It’s like a really hard turn to make, because we’ve got all these weird societal norms we’ve gotta break out of, and we’ve been stuck in them. MG: Yea, I guess it requires chaos to shake out of that. LDR: Apparently! It’s pretty weird, but I feel like it’s not a coincidence. It feels a little bit like a movie. MG: I wondered about the process of getting inspired for you. Because some artists get inspired by going out in the world and feeding off energy, and then others are able to create by removing themselves from that noise and creating their own space where they feel comfortable. So I wondered where you sat on this spectrum. LDR: Mm, that’s a good question. I think my most important thing has been just trusting what I want to do every day, even if it’s different. If I wake up and I have plans to do one thing, but I really feel like I’d rather drive six hours north to San Francisco to visit a friend for no reason, I just kind of don’t second-guess it and I go. Spontaneity, that’s a big thing for me. But that being said, still having a place I like to call home, even though I travel a lot. And for me, I don’t really like to write when I’m upset. I don’t really like sharing those thoughts until I’m all the way through them. So I don’t really feel inspired by heartbreak, and I don’t even necessarily feel inspired by something super exciting. I think I’m just inspired when I’m doing whatever feels right in the moment—when I’m really in the flow. MG: I’ve always been a little jealous of people who can make art out of depression or grief. Because for me, that’s when I’m non-functional. LDR: I’m non-functional, too. That’s when I don’t really wanna do anything. I definitely don’t want to make an amazing song. MG: Yea, that’s when art as a priority kind of just falls away for me. LDR: I don’t know how people do that. Those must be people who function really well in high crisis situations. Which I don’t. MG: Going back to ‘Get Free’ for a second: I think it’s interesting you felt like you were getting out negative feelings on that song, because… well, that song always makes me cry, but not quite in a sad way. It’s more overwhelming, because when you sing “Finally, I’m crossing the threshold,” it feels like that moment of change where you don’t know yet what’s going to be on the other side of it, because it’s happening to you, and you’re in it. The album itself almost feels like a document of change—it’s not like at the end of the album, it’s like, “Well, this is the lesson learned…” LDR: Which is how I thought it was gonna be! I thought it was gonna be that way. MG: Do you have any perspective now on, when you say you’re crossing this threshold, what was on the other side? LDR: Okay, so “crossing the threshold” was actually a reference to this little concept, or diagram, that’s called “The Hero’s Journey.” This writer, Joseph Campbell, came up with this little model. And it’s all about this character who has a lot of trouble at the beginning of the story, and then somewhere in the middle of the story, crosses the threshold to sort of face the monster, or the challenger, and in the end hopefully emerges triumphant once he’s beaten the bad guy or whatever. And I had been talking about that with my engineer, and I thought: I don’t usually use metaphors, but I loved the line “crossing the threshold,” and I wanted to bring it into that song I’d already started writing. So I changed those first few lines, so that woven in would be the idea of the hero’s journey. Because I really liked the idea of changing your own past. I think that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t really know if I had control over doing that for a long time, and yeah, I didn’t know what would be on the other side of me making a couple of really strong personal decisions and statement. Even just using my own voice to talk about stuff, that was different from ‘Love.’ And I didn’t really know how the whole thing would go. But I liked so much that it would be my authentic voice at the time, so I just decided that to write what I was feeling was important enough to cross that threshold in the music. It’s kind of hard for me to explain, because there’s so many different levels to it: like, I’m making literary allusions, but I’m also really trying to make changes in my own life. It’s hard to articulate it eloquently! MG: ‘Love’ was what I wanted to ask you about next. First, just the title, because you know, you’ve got this reputation for mystery and melancholy and then suddenly it’s like, boom, LOVE! The most direct, unmysterious title. Was there some significance to you in the directness of that? LDR: Yea. It didn’t start off as ‘Love.’ It started as ‘Young & In Love,’ but I didn’t really like that title, because that wasn’t even the point of the song. I could have gone back and edited the song as well, but I liked how the whole thing sounded, so I didn’t. Then I worked with Sean Lennon, and you know, that Lennon legacy is so tied into that one word. So I just thought, you know what? I just wanna go for it. The whole record is pointing its own little nose in that direction, between like, Stevie Nicks, and Sean Lennon, and ‘Lust For Life,’ and ‘Love’… It felt like once I got through the chaos of making all these little personal statements that I had to almost delete from the music and then put back in, I was ready to say that what I’m getting at is, like so many singers in the past: it’s all about love! And obviously it’s about more than that. It is about more than that. But what you said about being on the nose sometimes—I liked that it was pretty literal, and it felt nice and comfortable to not necessarily have layers to all of the singles. That one and ‘Lust For Life’ were similar in that they were kind of just about having fun. Even if you don’t have anywhere to go, well, so what, just get dressed up and go anyways. MG: Sometimes that line [“You get ready, you get all dressed up / To go nowhere in particular”] kinda made me sad, too, though! LDR: I’ve heard that! MG: I sometimes heard it as, you know, you get dressed up and you don’t have anywhere to go, and you maybe made these plans that didn’t turn out. LDR: All dressed up and nowhere to go. Which is funny, because when I was 20 and writing little folk songs, I had a lot of that line, “All dressed up with nowhere to go.” But sometimes my lines end up slipping on themselves, and I feel differently about them once I’ve got some perspective on them. But I think I was thinking… you know, you don’t need hundreds of friends to have something fun to do, you know? You can have fun by yourself. It was more about just feeling a lot of love whether you’re alone, or you’re with someone. You don’t have to have a party to go to. But I know everyone interpets it in their own way. I read one review that was like, “Well, this is depressing.” And I was like, “Fuck, really? Another depressing song?” [Laughs] You can’t get it there all the way sometimes, you can’t get the message exactly the way you want it. But I think because of the production and the melody, I can also feel the melancholia. And maybe, on some level, I was feeling like, “Fuck, I’ve got nowhere to go.” I don’t remember thinking that when I was writing it, but probably there’s a little of that in there. Who knows! MG: I wondered if you cared about… You know, this album has singles, and that’s more than could be said of ‘Honeymoon’ to begin with… [Lana starts laughing] No, I totally don’t mean that in a negative way, I adore ‘Honeymoon’! LDR: No, it’s just funny! It’s funny. MG: Do you think, like, okay, this song’s gonna be the single, and we’re gonna push it like so? Or is that just the shit that happens later? LDR: That’s like, what John Janick says. He’ll say, “Oh I love this song, I want this to be the single.” And if I like it, well, then I’ll say okay. But not with a record like ‘Honeymoon.’ With a record like ‘Honeymoon,’ he’s like… Have fun! Because that’s just, you know, kind of like a vanity project. I mean, in a good way. Like, a project just for you. With this one— first of all, I love everybody at my label. But John and the guys I work with loved ‘Love,’ and they loved ‘Lust For Life.’ So those were really the only two singles that we thought about, and I’m kind of doing air quotes with “singles” alone in my room right now. What that means for us, at this point, is just that the song’s gonna get a video. So it’s kind of different for us than it is for other people. It usually means, like, there’s a feature on it or there’s gonna be a video, or maybe I’ll sing it on the radio if I do, like, a thing with KROQ. My label’s pretty good about not having too many expectations. I guess I felt like, if one song was going to go further than the other ones, I thought it was ‘Love,’ and I think I was right about that. That’s the one people will remember if they’re just a casual listener—which is good, because I really like that song! Even if just one of the songs goes far, that’s kind of like an accomplishment, because there’s so much music out there. Even if one makes it to the radio, even if it’s indie or college radio or whatever. MG: Do you have expectations for your own records? When you finished writing the record, did you have any idea as to… what you thought it would do? Or if people would like it? Ugh, I don’t know how to phrase this question, do you know kind of what I’m saying? LDR: Yea, I do. I did have expectations for the record. I wanted to see if it was going to be heard for what it was really saying, and overall, from what I read, it was interpreted correctly. Which is a good sign for me, because it means I’m not seeing things one way, and the culture is seeing things the other way. Which is bad—that means there’s some incongruence there. That means you need to check yourself, and I don’t wanna check myself. I wanna stay in the flow, keep writing. From what I read, I didn’t feel like anyone thought I was trying to make some mega-turn in the end, away from what I had done originally. It was just a slow advancement with a couple sparkly details in it. So that was good enough for me. And what’s cool is that I’m only just starting to tour next month. My records are very slow-burning for a long time, and sometimes… I remember with ‘Summertime Sadness,’ that song didn’t even go on the radio until two years after the record came out. My songs always surprise me. Sometimes they find themselves in movies, or getting nominated for things, way after they’ve been out. So it’s pretty cool. MG: Yea, not to like, blow smoke up your ass, but with you in particular, it seems to take the culture as a whole a minute to catch up with you. And that’s true with each of your records, but with ‘Lust For Life’ in particular, it feels like the moment that the culture has met you on your grounds. LDR: Well, that’s a really cool way of looking at it. And when I think about it, maybe that’s because I’m ready, too. Maybe I needed a lot of time to just be me, all to myself, and just be weird. It’s easier when you’re in a mood to be more out there. And I don’t really know what makes that happen; maybe it’s just enough time making music. Who knows why timing works out the way it does? But I like that you said that, I think that’s cool. I really like this record; I think if this was the first record some people heard from me, I’d be really proud of that.

[3lc3lc3lc]

IT HAPPENED

well folks, a couple weeks back, I got to talk to the one and only Lana Del Rey for Billboard’s 2017 #1s issue. the version that appears in print is quite abbreviated, so I thought I would publish the full transcript for your viewing pleasure. (I left out the part at the end when I asked her for advice about getting over a toxic break-up; you’ll just have to use your imagination with that one.)

MG: How has this year been for you? You’ve had all these great career highs, but at the same time, at least personally, it’s hard not to feel a bit beaten down by the world...

LDR: Yea. Yea, I can see that. I try and take different approaches to how I see things every day. Because I guess if you just watched the news only, and didn’t have your own perspective, it would be hard to get through the day. But I really like the Leonard Coen quote: “There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” I feel like this is the year where we’re seeing a lot of cracks—all the cracks that have been there forever. But the blessing in all of these things that have been coming out is that we get to shine a lot of light on the problems that have been in society for a long time, and hopefully fix them. So that’s something I like to hold on to, and it makes me feel excited, actually. Because it feels like it’s happening fast.

It’s funny because, leading up to Lust for Life, a lot of people were like: “Oh my god, Lana is smiling! This is going to be her happy album!” And definitely there’s a shift that seems significant, but I don’t know if “happy” is the word I would use. How do you feel about that?

I think maybe a good word to use would be more present—less from the outside looking in, and sort of a more integrated perspective lyrically. Like, it’s not just about love, or feeling disappointed, it’s also about being in LA, cause that’s where I live, and thinking about... You know, like a song “When the World Was At War We Kept Dancing,” and the lyric is, “Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?”, kind of like we were saying earlier. I was thinking about things that are broader than just my relationships, which was nice for me. Probably nice for the fans, too—a little bit of a reprieve.

Starting off with a blank slate, did you have some idea that these were things you wanted to express, that this was going to be a more integrated perspective, or was that just kind of where the songs took you?

Well, I think I started writing the record in the reverse order that the tracklisting is in now. So I started with the more... I don’t know how to describe them. I don’t wanna use the word “negative.” But we’ll say, I started writing the darker songs first. “Heroine,” “Get Free,” and then I kept “13 Beaches” at the front of the tracklisting. I had a lot of songs where I was trying to state my intentions of what I wanted; in “Get Free,” I wanted to move forward, I wanted to feel differently. “Heroine” I was thinking about some stuff that had happened in the past. And then “13 Beaches,” I was lamenting over the fact that it took me that many beaches to find a quiet one to just chill out at. So I had to get through all of my complaining [laughs]. And then once I got to be cathartic in that way, I thought: Alright, now I want to invite my friends in. I want The Weeknd to come in and be on a track, and [A$AP] Rocky’s so cool, I want him to be on a track. Obviously, the election was happening halfway through my writing process, and I was thinking about the election, and I wrote four songs that didn’t end up going on the record that were a little more politically oriented. I didn’t end up using those, but “When the World Was At War We Kept Dancing” and “God Bless America (And All The Beautiful Women In It),” we kept on the record. So i was sort of just letting the process happen to me as I was moving through the election—and also just working through my personal life, which has been... very balanced. That’s all the little things that culminated into the body of work.

It’s interesting because we seem to have reached this point of cultural urgency that extends even to pop music—not to say that your music is necessarily pop music, but some people would put you there. And sometimes that works quite well, and other times it’s like, ugh, swing and a miss! [Lana starts laughing] And when “Coachella / Woodstock In My Mind” came out, I think it caught people off-guard—like, wait, Lana Del Rey is getting woke? It could’ve gone so wrong, but you pulled it off completely!

[Laughs] I know what you mean. But everybody has a different level of emotional depth that they draw from, and you know, I didn’t always choose to draw from—you know, that’s not true, actually. I was always drawing from my deeper writing well the best that I could. But I was just in a different place. I know what you mean, though, it can go so badly. It can go so wrong. But I actually was never worried. I’m never really worried about whether I can pull off a sentiment, because I know if I’m even trying to write it, I’ll eventually finesse the language and the mood of it in a way that feels comfortable to me. Because I know if it sounds comfortable to me, it’s gonna be comfortable for the fans. It would never be something that like, reads in a weird way. I mean, I really trust my writing voice so much—even more than my decision-making voice.

You’re really good at knowing, like: Sometimes things need to be subtle, and sometimes symbolic, and then sometimes need to be really on-the-nose because that’s just what the situation calls for.

Yea, I think that’s true.

It’s also interesting that Lust for Life felt so suited to the madness of 2017, but it also was very soothing. It sort of absorbed the madness and metabolized it into something that was transportive, even as it reached out into the world. And that was nice, because it wasn’t just like, “Oh, we’re fucked man!”

I love the way you just described that—“metabolizing” something. My version of that word is “integrating” it, and processing it. Like, I take so much time for myself to think, and to meditate, and to talk to people I really trust about what they think, so I’ve got a lot of perspective that’s wound up into my own. And that really helps me to have a balanced view on everything. I mean, even though overall, it’s pretty dramatic. Even in L.A. right now, with the fires, and in Sonoma up north. And the earthquakes and everything—it’s a lot! But, I don’t know, I just have this really strong instinct that it’s all leading in a much-needed, different direction, that hopefully we’re all leaning into. It’s like a really hard turn to make, because we’ve got all these weird societal norms we’ve gotta break out of, and we’ve been stuck in them.

Yea, I guess it requires chaos to shake out of that.

Apparently! It’s pretty weird, but I feel like it’s not a coincidence. It feels a little bit like a movie.

I wondered about the process of getting inspired for you. Because some artists get inspired by going out in the world and feeding off energy, and then others are able to create by removing themselves from that noise and creating their own space where they feel comfortable. So I wondered where you sat on this spectrum.

Mm, that’s a good question. I think my most important thing has been just trusting what I want to do every day, even if it’s different. If I wake up and I have plans to do one thing, but I really feel like I’d rather drive six hours north to San Francisco to visit a friend for no reason, I just kind of don’t second-guess it and I go. Spontaneity, that’s a big thing for me. But that being said, still having a place I like to call home, even though I travel a lot. And for me, I don’t really like to write when I’m upset. I don’t really like sharing those thoughts until I’m all the way through them. So I don’t really feel inspired by heartbreak, and I don’t even necessarily feel inspired by something super exciting. I think I’m just inspired when I’m doing whatever feels right in the moment—when I’m really in the flow.

I’ve always been a little jealous of people who can make art out of depression or grief. Because for me, that’s when I’m non-functional.

I’m non-functional, too. That’s when I don’t really wanna do anything. I definitely don’t want to make an amazing song.

Yea, that’s when art as a priority kind of just falls away for me.

I don’t know how people do that. Those must be people who function really well in high crisis situations. Which I don’t.

Going back to “Get Free” for a second: I think it’s interesting you felt like you were getting out negative feelings on that song, because... well, that song always makes me cry, but not quite in a sad way. It’s more overwhelming, because when you sing “Finally, I’m crossing the threshold,” it feels like that moment of change where you don’t know yet what’s going to be on the other side of it, because it’s happening to you, and you’re in it. The album itself almost feels like a document of change—it’s not like at the end of the album, it’s like, “Well, this is the lesson learned...”

Which is how I thought it was gonna be! I thought it was gonna be that way.

Do you have any perspective now on, when you say you’re crossing this threshold, what was on the other side?

Okay, so “crossing the threshold” was actually a reference to this little concept, or diagram, that’s called “The Hero’s Journey.” This writer, Joseph Campbell, came up with this little model. And it’s all about this character who has a lot of trouble at the beginning of the story, and then somewhere in the middle of the story, crosses the threshold to sort of face the monster, or the challenger, and in the end hopefully emerges triumphant once he’s beaten the bad guy or whatever. And I had been talking about that with my engineer, and I thought: I don’t usually use metaphors, but I loved the line “crossing the threshold,” and I wanted to bring it into that song I’d already started writing. So I changed those first few lines, so that woven in would be the idea of the hero’s journey. Because I really liked the idea of changing your own past. I think that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t really know if I had control over doing that for a long time, and yea, I didn’t know what would be on the other side of me making a couple of really strong personal decisions and statement. Even just using my own voice to talk about stuff, that was different from “Love.” And I didn’t really know how the whole thing would go. But I liked so much that it would be my authentic voice at the time, so I just decided that to write what I was feeling was important enough to cross that threshold in the music. It’s kind of hard for me to explain, because there’s so many different levels to it: like, I’m making literary allusions, but I’m also really trying to make changes in my own life. It’s hard to articulate it eloquently!

“Love” was what I wanted to ask you about next. First, just the title, because you know, you’ve got this reputation for mystery and melancholy and then suddenly it’s like, boom, LOVE! The most direct, unmysterious title. Was there some significance to you in the directness of that?

Yea. It didn’t start off as “Love.” It started as “Young & In Love,” but I didn’t really like that title, because that wasn’t even the point of the song. I could have gone back and edited the song as well, but I liked how the whole thing sounded, so I didn’t. Then I worked with Sean Lennon, and you know, that Lennon legacy is so tied into that one word. So I just thought, you know what? I just wanna go for it. The whole record is pointing its own little nose in that direction, between like, Stevie Nicks, and Sean Lennon, and “Lust For Life,” and “Love”... It felt like once I got through the chaos of making all these little personal statements that I had to almost delete from the music and then put back in, I was ready to say that what I’m getting at is, like so many singers in the past: it’s all about love! And obviously it’s about more than that. It is about more than that. But what you said about being on the nose sometimes—I liked that it was pretty literal, and it felt nice and comfortable to not necessarily have layers to all of the singles. That one and “Lust for Life” were similar in that they were kind of just about having fun. Even if you don’t have anywhere to go, well, so what, just get dressed up and go anyways.

Sometimes that line [“You get ready, you get all dressed up / To go nowhere in particular”] kinda made me sad, too, though!

I’ve heard that!

I sometimes heard it as, you know, you get dressed up and you don’t have anywhere to go, and you maybe made these plans that didn’t turn out.

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Which is funny, because when I was 20 and writing little folk songs, I had a lot of that line, “All dressed up with nowhere to go.” But sometimes my lines end up slipping on themselves, and I feel differently about them once I’ve got some perspective on them. But I think I was thinking... you know, you don’t need hundreds of friends to have something fun to do, you know? You can have fun by yourself. It was more about just feeling a lot of love whether you’re alone, or you’re with someone. You don’t have to have a party to go to. But I know everyone interpets it in their own way. I read one review that was like, “Well, this is depressing.” And I was like, “Fuck, really? Another depressing song?” [Laughs] You can’t get it there all the way sometimes, you can’t get the message exactly the way you want it. But I think because of the production and the melody, I can also feel the melancholia. And maybe, on some level, I was feeling like, “Fuck, I’ve got nowhere to go.” I don’t remember thinking that when I was writing it, but probably there’s a little of that in there. Who knows!

I wondered if you cared about... You know, this album has singles, and that’s more than could be said of Honeymoon to begin with... [Lana starts laughing] No, I totally don’t mean that in a negative way, I adore Honeymoon!

No, it’s just funny! It’s funny.

Do you think, like, okay, this song’s gonna be the single, and we’re gonna push it like so? Or is that just the shit that happens later?

That’s like, what John Janick says. He’ll say, “Oh I love this song, I want this to be the single.” And if I like it, well, then I’ll say okay. But not with a record like Honeymoon. With a record like Honeymoon, he’s like... Have fun! Because that’s just, you know, kind of like a vanity project. I mean, in a good way. Like, a project just for you. With this one— first of all, I love everybody at my label. But John and the guys I work with loved “Love,” and they loved “Lust For Life.” So those were really the only two singles that we thought about, and I’m kind of doing air quotes with “singles” alone in my room right now. What that means for us, at this point, is just that the song’s gonna get a video. So it’s kind of different for us than it is for other people. It usually means, like, there’s a feature on it or there’s gonna be a video, or maybe I’ll sing it on the radio if I do, like, a thing with KROQ. My label’s pretty good about not having too many expectations. I guess I felt like, if one song was going to go further than the other ones, I thought it was “Love,” and I think I was right about that. That’s the one people will remember if they’re just a casual listener—which is good, because I really like that song! Even if just one of the songs goes far, that’s kind of like an accomplishment, because there’s so much music out there. Even if one makes it to the radio, even if it’s indie or college radio or whatever.

Do you have expectations for your own records? When you finished writing the record, did you have any idea as to... what you thought it would do? Or if people would like it? Ugh, I don’t know how to phrase this question, do you know kind of what I’m saying?

Yea, I do. I did have expectations for the record. I wanted to see if it was going to be heard for what it was really saying, and overall, from what I read, it was interpreted correctly. Which is a good sign for me, because it means I’m not seeing things one way, and the culture is seeing things the other way. Which is bad—that means there’s some incongruence there. That means you need to check yourself, and I don’t wanna check myself. I wanna stay in the flow, keep writing. From what I read, I didn’t feel like anyone thought I was trying to make some mega-turn in the end, away from what I had done originally. It was just a slow advancement with a couple sparkly details in it. So that was good enough for me. And what’s cool is that I’m only just starting to tour next month. My records are very slow-burning for a long time, and sometimes... I remember with “Summertime Sadness,” that song didn’t even go on the radio until two years after the record came out. My songs always surprise me. Sometimes they find themselves in movies, or getting nominated for things, way after they’ve been out. So it’s pretty cool.

Yea, not to like, blow smoke up your ass, but with you in particular, it seems to take the culture as a whole a minute to catch up with you. And that’s true with each of your records, but with Lust for Life in particular, it feels like the moment that the culture has met you on your grounds.

Well, that’s a really cool way of looking at it. And when I think about it, maybe that’s because I’m ready, too. Maybe I needed a lot of time to just be me, all to myself, and just be weird. It’s easier when you’re in a mood to be more out there. And I don’t really know what makes that happen; maybe it’s just enough time making music. Who knows why timing works out the way it does? But I like that you said that, I think that’s cool. I really like this record; I think if this was the first record some people heard from me, I’d be really proud of that.

[hottaterbot]

Typical Day #1 (Bipolar type 1 with meds and in my low moods)

My days typically start off with a groggy walk to the kitchen to grab water. I then wash myself/wake up before grabbing some breakfast. Before I eat I walk to the counter and grab that stupid pill box that I painted to try to make myself feel better. That pill box. It’s so tiny. I literally bought it at dollar tree. No one knows it but, that damned little box is the source of my normalcy. I open up this morning’s slot. Look down at the medication and some vitamins. A 65 mg pill of iron because I have been deficient since the womb. A 1000 mg pill of vitamin C because my immune system is as week as I am. A cursed 200 mg pill of Lamotrigine because I cannot stablilize my own moods.

I am sluggish to get breakfast so I decide to grab some cereal. The wheaties will do. I leave for work. I listen to a podcast on the way in the car ride. I take my place in the parking lot. I walk up to the employees entrance and stop in my tracks before opening the door. I take a deep breath. On the exhale I put on my mask and I open the door to be immediately greeted by joyful and friendly co-workers so excited to see me.

The level of energy always reminds me of these two girls in my middle school. They did everything together. Trust me, I mean EVERYTHING. They planned what classes to sign up for at registration so they would have every class together. I always tried to listen in on them and make sure I didn’t pick any of the classes they picked. They sat next to each other in every class. Some how I always ended up sitting behind them (the picking opposite classes never worked out). They went to the bathroom together. How did I end up in every class with them from 6th on? Simple, I am cursed. Ha. Jokes. Anyway, so these girls spent every waking moment with each other. I have have had two best friends in my life. They never were like this, and both ended messy. Maybe I just don’t understand it, but to be honest, I am not so sure I want to. The three of us rode the same school bus home. On my bus we were assigned 3 to a seat (I don’t actually know how they expected us to fit) so you think I would be safe right? Nope. Guess who got assigned with the best friends! Me. Thankfully I, being a very petite individual, I was never really bothered. To no ones surprise, I also got off on the same stop as them. Like clockwork, they get off the bus and make a big scene about how tragic it was to say goodbye. The next morning was the complete opposite. They would see each other from far away and run at each other like some cheesy romance movie the entire time yelling at the top of their lungs, “BEST FRIENDDDDDD!!!”. The moment the we’re in each other’s arms again and jumping up and down, was the worst part. The screeches. Nails on a chalkboard doesn’t come close to describing this horrible noise. It was this weird high pitched “eeeeeeeee” noise mixed in with very wobbly I missed yous from all the jumping.

Yup, that’s what it feels like walking into work. My mask plays along, definitely not as intense as the middle school girls, but excited. I do care for them, I just feel weird about being excited at the moment. I do my work and it’s time to leave. As I walk out the door towards my car I exhale and put away my mask for tomorrow. My mask hides how numb I feel inside.The drive home involves the second half of my podcast.

I come home to make myself dinner. The instant ramen will do. After that it’s time to workout. I do some yoga and a bit of pilates for an hour or so. Then a shower. Now it’s free time. I will sit on my porch and watch the sunset, read a book, draw, paint, or watch some tv. It’s 8:30 pm. I must not let it get to 9:00pm without paying a visit to my friend the pillbox. I open up the slot for tonight’s pills and out drop two very different pills. The first I take is the everyday multi vitamin pill because my body can’t do it on its own. The second is the one I swallow the most violently. The 100 mg pill of Quetiapine because I am Bipolar.

To those who don’t know what Quetiapine is:

In the words of WedMD, “This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood conditions (such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sudden episodes of mania or depression associated with bipolar disorder). Quetiapine is known as an anti-psychotic drug (atypical type). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain.”

Without this one remarkable pill I would be currently in a much worse state of mind, in more than one way. I don’t like having to take medication to be normal but I guess the end result is worth it. After about an hour or so I will feel dizzy. I know this is the Quetiapine telling me it’s time for bed. I lay down, close my eyes to awaken to another groggy morning. Until my cycle changes.

Until doctors can give me a treatment to erase my bipolar permanently, this is how I will live my life: various vitamin pills and two pills the hold my fragile mind together.

Wanna see a different side of me? Look for #2 :)

[adaleya]

Love

MASTERLIST

Pairing: James Moriarty X Reader

Requested By: the-devil-wears-westwood-221b

Prompt: #100 – Love – an intense feeling of deep affection.

Warnings: Just some cute fluffy stuff, might be a bit cheesy but hey, it's fluffy.

AN: Sorry for the delays, life got in the way. I'm sorry if this comes off rude in any way because that's not what I mean for it. No matter what, life comes first, everything else comes after that. Tumblr is low on the pole, and I hate that but that's how it is. Plans don't always work out like you want them too, so please be understanding in the future if I say something and it doesn't happen. It's not that I didn't want too, it's just because things came up and I wasn't able too. Anyways, I know I said the next one was going to be intense and dark, but this one popped into my head and I wanted to get it done and up before I went on to the next.

I know nothing of Moriarty's parents, so just go with the flow here.

Enjoy!

~!~*~!~

You were sitting in the library, comfortable on the plush couch with your feet pulled up beneath you. You could hear James moving about the house, the sound of rustling paper reaching your ears as his heavy foot steps echoed up and down the stairs. You didn't really pay it much attention, your book was just too good to put down and worry about whatever it was he was getting himself into. That was until he came barging into the library with a box in hand and dropping it on the coffee table in front of you.

“What in the world are you doing?” You ask, looking from him to the box and back.

“I found it!” He says, pointing to the box with a smile on his face, “I have tore this house apart looking for this.”

You furrow your brow at the excitement on his face, the way he was acting was almost completely out of character. He was half dressed in his suit, pants and white shirt on, half buttoned and feet bare. He had dust in his dark hair, half dry from the shower he had taken earlier. You had known him to change from one mood to the other within the blink of an eye, but never had you seen him light up like a child who had found the biggest stash of delectable candies. “What is it?” You finally ask, watching him sit down beside you and pull the box into his lap.

The box itself was black, made of metal with a combination lock on the front. It wasn't very big, but whatever was inside had caught your interest as he put in the numbers and pulled the top back. You moved your feet out from under you and moved closer, the first thing you see is a picture of a young boy. You would recognize that smile anywhere, “this is you?” You ask, taking the picture out of the box and looking at it more closely.

“Yes,” he says, pointing to the car little him was sitting on, “that was my father's 1945 MG TC, he had it rebuilt. Was a few years after we moved to London, I was seven I believe.”

The car was beautiful, with shiny black paint and chrome. James was sitting on the front, well dressed, hair combed back and a huge smile on his face. He was so cute, so innocent looking. You looked back at the box, seeing more pictures of a younger James and inside for the next one. This one he was a bit older, he was standing before a building, a tall man standing beside him.

“That's my father, one of the last pictures that was ever taken of him.”

You could see where he got his good looks, the man in the picture looked almost exactly like him. A smile pulled at your lips, you had never thought in a million years James would ever share stuff like this with you. You both looked through the pictures together, him telling you things about each one. You found out he used to have a dog, a huge mix breed he had found in their backyard one day. That it took him, his mother and their two maids to convince his father to keep the dog little James had named Oscar.

You saw little pictures he had drawn, cute little stick figures that eventually turned into more detailed drawings as he got older. Little notes his mother had left him, trinkets he had kept and everything else he found value in. It was amazing to see this side of James Moriarty, it made you realize that underneath that malicious, evil and sinister shell there was a man who cared, who was just like any other human being in the world.

Finally you had reached the last picture in the box, it was turned over and you noticed your name written on the back. You slowly grabbed it and turned it over and there you were. It was an older picture, close to when you two had first met. Actually, the more you looked it at the more you realized it was taken the first night the two of you met. “I don't remember this picture, who took it?” You ask, looking away from it and into his eyes.

You could remember that night like it had happened yesterday. You had been invited by your boss at the time to join him at a formal event, mainly because he needed you to help convince potential clients. You were dressed to impress, done up in all the right ways. You had taken advantage of it, having not been to many up scale gatherings. That's where James had brought you a drink, introducing himself and pulling you into his web with every word.  

“I did, I wasn't sure how things were going to go after that night, and I wanted a memory of the only person who was able to steal my heart with a single glance.”

You could feel your cheeks burn as you looked into his beautiful dark eyes and smiled shyly. It wasn't often you found yourself blushing and speechless, yet here you were unable to pull words together to form a sentence.

“I love you, Y/n.” He says, pulling you from your flustered thoughts as he leans forward and kisses you slowly on the lips.

You smile against him, “I love you, too.” You say, returning the kiss.

~!~*~!~

[anxiety-naturalsolutions]

Self Help for Anxiety & Depression

According to MIND one in four of us will experience a mental health problem during our lifetime and each year over 4,000 people experience enough distress to take their own lives, so we can all benefit from changes in lifestyle to support our mental health.

I have lived with anxiety and depression for over 30 years which has taken me on a journey through the various complementary and standard treatment options.  It took me a long time to realise that way I had got used to feeling wasn’t right but I have never given up in my search for an alternative to anti-depressants.  After ten years of researching I found out that I am hypothyroid - I have an underactive thyroid which is the most commonly under-diagnosed medical condition in the West and this was the cause of my anxiety, low mood, and debilitating lack of energy.

I have had the conventional medical treatments of psychotherapy, CBT, and SSRIs all of which have been helpful to an extent, but no GP or psychiatrist has ever mentioned the importance of nutrition and the role it plays in good mental health.  This is something I have had to find out for myself and I am sharing the information now in the hope that others also find it helpful.

Always go to your GP for diagnosis and ask for psychotherapy and CBT.  Most surgeries have a long waiting list for these treatments so it is important to get on the list as soon as possible.  If your illness is so debilitating that it is having a negative impact on your life so that you are unable to work or look after your children etc then SSRIs can be an effective short term solution to get you back on your feet.  It is important to start doing as much as you can to help yourself so that you don’t become dependant on the drugs starting with daily meditation, diet, and supplements.

Dietary changes and supplements can take three to six months to be effective so they should be started before you try to come off any medication.  When you do come off go very slowly, much slower than the doctor recommends. I got a large emery board and filed across the tablet with one long stroke.  I increased by one stroke every day to shave off a small amount to prevent withdrawal.

I have been on and off anti-depressants (SSRIs or Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors) five times during a period of fifteen years.  I was told by my GP that I should remain on them for the rest of my life, but I refused to accept that.  The diagnosis of depression and anxiety is entirely subjective and the knee-jerk reaction is to prescribe anti-depressants.  There shouldn’t be any stigma to taking medication for those who need it, but it really is only a short-term solution.  

In my opinion the medical profession should be spending more time finding out the underlying cause of the depression and anxiety because they are a symptoms of an underlying condition.  This could be: iodine deficiency, underactive thyroid, low vitamin B12, copper imbalance, or a lack of good fats in the diet.

1. Nutrition

There isn’t much point spending any money on therapies or supplements until you have made changes to the lifestyle choices that could be contributing to poor nutrition.

Eat three meals a day with protein at every meal.

Cut out all sugar, caffeine, gluten, processed foods, refined carbohydrates, alcohol, vegetable oils, and margarine.

Sugar is an anti-nutrient that strips essential minerals from your reserves as your body attempts to break it down.  Depleted levels of calcium, chromium, magnesium, and zinc leave your body in chaos.

Coffee inhibits iron absorption, affects B-vitamins, and raises cortisol.  

Refined carbohydrates, such as baked goods made from white flour, have very little nutritional value and cause your blood sugar to spike.  Reduce carbs and eat as advised by Weton A Price http://www.westonaprice.org/health-topics/be-kind-to-your-grains-and-your-grains-will-be-kind-to-you/.

Alcohol damages the gut lining, causing it to become permeable and ‘leaky’.  It also breaks down B-vitamins and antioxidants such as vitamin C.

Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) is a processed food additive. It is an extremely dangerous neurotoxin (excitotoxin) that shrivels and kills brain cells in the hypothalamus and has been linked to migraines, seizures, ADD/ADHD, heart palpitations, tremors, and MANY other symptoms.

Following a low carb diet such as Weston A Price Foundation (WAPF) for a nutrient dense eating plan that doesn’t remove any food groups.  Read Sally Fallon’s Nourishing Traditions.

WAPF also promotes the use of good fats such as lard, goose, and coconut for frying and roasting instead of vegetable oils which are too high in omega 6. Omega 6 imbalance causes inflammation in the body so we all need to increase our intake of Omega 3s.  Extra Virgin Olive Oil should never be heated, reserve it for pouring on salads etc.

Read: Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon more information at https://www.westonaprice.org/.

2. Testing

B12

Low B12 has been linked with depression and anxiety.  This can be tested by your GP.  Ask for a print out of your results and check them yourself.  On a range of 180-900 a healthy level appears to be 800 or higher. In the 500-800 range, you can benefit from supplementation.  

You can increase your levels with B12 injections, by sucking B12 lozenges, or using a spray - sublingual B12, specifically Methylcobalamin, is a better form of delivery than swallowing capsules because the digestive process can inhibit uptake.  

Take B12 alongside a good B Vitamin Complex supplement such as Doctors Best which contains the active forms in the correct ratio.  People with MTHFR gene mutation cannot process synthetic B vitamins.  B vitamins are water-soluble which means the excess is excreted through urine.

Take B supplements in a split dose at breakfast and lunch to give you energy throughout the day - do not take at night as they can keep you awake.

Keep a diary and note down when you started the supplement and how you feel.  

Can be tested via finger-prick test with Medichecks https://www.medichecks.com/tests/vitamin-b12-active-folate

MTHFR  

Diagnosis is via the 23andMe genetic saliva test. If you feel too overwhelmed at this stage to do this test you can just take the methylated B complex and see if that helps.

Vitamin D

Vitamin D isn’t a vitamin it is an essential hormone and chronic deficiency can contribute to depression and low immunity so it is important to ask your GP for a Vitamin D test. 

Unless you are getting 20mins of sun exposure (without sunscreen) daily throughout the year it is likely that you will need to supplement with Cod Liver Oil and Rosita is the best quality.  Raw organic milk is also a good source of vitamin D.

Morley Robbins advises against D3 supplements and increaseing magnesium instead.  For more information on the Root Cause Protocol go here: http://gotmag.org/vitamin-d-deficiency-mg-deficiency-period/

Ferritin

Ferritin is a blood test that measures your levels of storage iron.  The best test is the iron panel which can be done via finger-prick with Medichecks: https://www.medichecks.com/tests/iron-status-check Ensure you stop iron supplements 5 days before testing.

Stop The Thyroid Madness recommendations on interpreting results:

Iron/Total Iron: 23 is optimal

TIBC: optimal 1/4 above the bottom number in the range

Transferrin Saturation: optimal at 25-45% or close to 35%

Ferritin: optimal between 70 and 90 ug/L

Low ferritin can occur with high iron due to the MTHFR gene mutation impairing the ability to break it down.

Morley Robbins advises against taking iron supplements because the oxidise in the liver.  Her recommends eating beef liver or taking Perfect Health Beef Liver capsules.  http://gotmag.org/category/iron-toxicity/

Cortisol

Abnormal adrenal function can alter the ability of cells to produce energy for the activities of daily life. People who have a hard time rising in the morning, or who suffer from low energy throughout the day, often have abnormal adrenal rhythms and poor blood sugar regulation.

High dose Iodine supplementation above 100mg daily support an antioxidant effect which supports the adrenals and reduces cortisol levels by opposing the strong toxic effects of mercury - Iodine pushes mercury out of the body.

Cortisol levels can be measured by a saliva collection test.  This test is recommended by STTM in the UK and I did it myself.  I found it very easy to do: https://www.medichecks.com/cortisol-tests/cortisol-saliva-tests-4 .

https://stopthethyroidmadness.com/adrenal-info/faq/

Thyroid

The NHS will usually only test for TSH and Free T4.  It is essential to also test for Free T3, Reverse T3, and Thyroid Antibodies.  

Ask for a print out of your results which include the lab reference range. Optimal is FT4 mid range with FT3 high. Any lower and you are hypothyroid which causes depression, anxiety, brain fog, and low energy.

If you want to check yourself a cheap way of doing it is a home finger prick test.  Medichecks https://www.medichecks.com/ do a range of thyroid tests depending on what you want tested, most of which can be done as a home finger prick test.  Reverse T3 needs to be done by blood draw.

https://stopthethyroidmadness.com/recommended-labwork/

If you are hypothyroid the FaceBook group FTPO - UK & Europe can help with interpretation of results.

The best remedy for hypothyroidism is high dose Iodine (50mg for 6 months) and then once you have reached 90-95% saturation, if required, Natural Desiccated Thyroid - NDT.  I recommend reading Dr David Brownstein's books - Iodine Why You Need It and Overcoming Thyroid Disorders. Those books have changed my life. And you are welcome to join my group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/NaturalThyroidHealth which has further information about iodine supplementation, the Root Cause Protocol, and Stop the Thyroid Madness.

3. Heal Your Gut

There isn’t much point taking supplements if you aren’t digesting the foods you eat properly.  Before spending money on supplements, healing your gut is essential so that you body can successfully absorb nutrients.  If you drink alcohol or have taken antibiotics your gut flora will be damaged.  

Include fermented foods: kefir, sauerkraut etc.

Make your own bone broth and drink a cup per day.

Increase good fats: use animal fats such as ghee, lard, goose fat, or coconut oil for frying, baking, and roasting.  Use Extra Virgin Olive Oil for pouring on salads and other cold foods - do not heat EVOO.

Cut out refined sugar and refined carbs.  Take Oregano Oil capsules to kill off the bad bacteria.

Read: Gut & Psychology Syndrome by Natasha Campbell-McBride.

http://www.doctor-natasha.com/.

4. Nutritional Supplements

Iodine: should be the first supplement to start as it is an essential micronutrient which nourishes every cell in the body.  It is difficult to get enough from Western diets as we do not eat enough shellfish or seaweed.  Not only does it detox the body of heavy metals and other toxins, it flushes out halides such as fluoride, chlorine, and bromine which block iodine receptors and prevent absorption causing chronic deficiency.  Follow the guidelines detailed in the posts on Iodine.

Read: Iodine: Why You Need It by Dr David Brownstein.

Join my group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/NaturalThyroidHealth/ 

Fish Oil: take a fish oil supplement that is high in EPA.  I take Rosita Cod Liver Oil.  EPA has been found to be effective in high doses in treating depression.  It also contains Vitamin D which is a hormone not a vitamin and plays an essential role in the way the body functions.  In the UK we don’t get the 20 mins per day sun exposure required to keep the levels normal all year round so supplementing is a requirement.  The use of sunscreen prevents natural absorbtion so it is essential to get tested.

Amino Acid Complex: I take Biocare Broad Spectrum Amino Acids, one capsule after breakfast and lunch. It provides the essential building blocks for the brain to regulate chemical production.

Curcumin/Turmeric: reduces inflammation which can be a cause of depression.  It acts like a MAOI antidepressant, but without the side effects, by inhibiting the monoamine oxidase enzyme modulating the release of serotonin and dopamine.  It should therefore not be taken when you are on SSRI medication.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2929771

Magnesium Oil: lots of people are magnesium deficient due to soil depletion.  I use 20 sprays of Better You Magnesium Spray before bed.

Probiotics: BioKult which is recommended by GAPs practitioners.

Tulsi (Holy Basil): reduces cortisol levels - the stress hormone.  This should be for short-term use only while the underlying cause is being addressed e.g. removing the cause of the stress.  http://www.livestrong.com/article/432475-holy-basil-for-anxiety-insomnia

5HTP: acts like a natural anti-depressant but should be for short term use only while the underlying cause of the problem is being addressed.

5. CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

After ten sessions of this therapy you will learn how to change your thinking to prevent your own self-talk from making you feel bad about yourself.

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr David Burns.  This was recommended to me by a psychiatrist and I found it to be a useful self-help manual.

6. Psychotherapy / Counselling

If there are people or life situations that are causing you to feel emotionally stressed through bullying, control, or manipulation then talk-therapies can help you to explore your feelings in a safe environment.  This will enable you to gain insight into your own behaviour and that of others.

You can get 12 sessions on the NHS and there are organisations that provide low-cost services according to income.

7. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) / Tapping

There are lots of clips on YouTube that can help you to learn EFT which uses the tapping of acupressure points with the fingers to release negative feelings.

8. Exercise

Daily exercise for at least 30 minutes, preferably in the sunshine for vitamin D and light.  It is important for the exercise to be strenuous enough to cause breathlessness to get the blood pumping.  The only exception to this would be if you have chronic fatigue and adrenal issues - exercise will make you feel exhausted.

9. Mindfulness

It is clinically proven that daily meditation reduces anxiety and depression.  Find a beginners meditation CD and do some every day.

It is free, you can do it anywhere, and you don’t need a group, teacher, or special equipment.  Daily meditation for between 10 and 60 minutes, depending on what your body needs, is the best thing any of us can do for ourselves to overcome stress, anxiety, and depression.  

Decided on a time each day for your practice.  I find after lunch is best when I put my children down for a nap or sit them in front of the TV for a DVD that lasts at least an hour.  Switch off your phone and sit in a chair in a quiet room on your own.  Bring your attention to your breath.  If your mind wanders, you start thinking, etc calmly send the thought away without judgement and bring your attention back to the breath. When a thought comes don’t see it as a failure but as a sign that you are growing in awareness.  You are observing your mind and environment without judgement.  You should eventually feel a sense of total calm and peace like you have never felt before.  This feeling will come more quickly and easily the more you meditate.  You will notice you are calmer and better able to deal with problem solving and you will become more efficient at your work.

The Mindful Way Through Depression - Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by Williams, Teasdale, Segal, and Kobat-Zinn.  This was recommended to me by a CBT therapist.

Sane New World by Ruby Wax.

10. Reiki

This is a hands-on healing technique performed by a trained professional which delivers universal healing energy via the healers hands.  You lay clothes on a couch while the practitioner gradually works around key points on your body. The treatment takes around 50 minutes.  You may feel very tired afterwards.  It heals on a physical and emotional level and can help to remove deep emotional trauma which is causing anxiety or depression.  

I trained as a Reiki Level 1 so that I can treat myself every night in bed.  I spend 10 minutes working on the back of my head to calm my brain and then I fall asleep with my hands on my heart to open up my heart.

11. Acupuncture

Acupuncture works to relieve anxiety, depression, and insomnia.  Start weekly before gradually working towards monthly top-ups to unblock the energy pathways in the body bringing it into balance.

12. EMFs

As much as you can try to avoid exposure to Electro Magnetic Fields (EMFs) which causes damage to our cells creating artificial stress responses which can adversely affect sleep and the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine which affect mood.  

Put your mobile phone on airplane mode when it is in your pocket or in a bag that you are carrying.  When you are at home put it on change in a place away from where you or others are sitting.  Turn off the Bluetooth and Wi-Fi signals.

Don’t use Bluetooth accessories for your computer or mobile phone.

Turn off the Wi-Fi signal on your router and use a wired connection for your computer.

Buy a corded landline phone and get rid of any wireless (DECT) phones.

Buy an earthing sheet from The Healthy House so that your body can repair itself during sleep.

Avoid using a microwave by heating things up in pans or in the oven.

Buy a salt lamp for every room in the house.

Put orgonite on electrical devices in the home.

More information about EMFs at http://www.powerwatch.org.uk/.

13. Managing Your Life

If you are fed-up of being bullied or controlled by others take and assertiveness training course and learn how to confidently take control of situations.  Learn to avoid such people to make life even easier!  Confidently say no with a smile on your face.

14. Detox Heavy Metals

Detoxing is only a good idea once your mood is stabilised

Lemon Juice Cleanse: two tablespoons of organic, preferably freshly squeezed, lemon juice in a glass of filtered tap water daily for three weeks.  Then two teaspoons on alternate days.

Apple Cider Vinegar Cleanse: two tablespoons of organic apple cider vinegar with the mother (Biona do a good one) in a glass of filtered tap water daily for three weeks.  Then two teaspoons on alternate days.

Take a super greens supplement containing Chlorella to chelate mercury particularly if you have amalgam fillings or if you have had vaccines. http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/01/28/chlorella-for-mercury-poisoning.aspx.

Use only stainless steel, pyrex, or ceramic cookware.  Remove all aluminium pots and pans.

Avoid all vaccinations because they contain either mercury or aluminium.

Consult a homeopath or naturopath for chelation therapy to remove heavy metals from the body.

Filter your tap water and buy mineral water in glass bottles.  Buy reusable stainless steel bottles to take out with you.

Iodine also pushes mercury out of the body.

15. Journaling

Write three pages in an A5 notebook on waking.  This should be a stream of consciousness exercise to allow ideas and feelings to freely come up from the subconscious before the thinking and doing side of the train takes over during the day.

Read: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.

16. Hormones

If you are a woman visit my hormones blog at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ovulationsyndrome

Read: A Mind of Your Own by Kelly Brogen MD.

[aurelliocheek]

Women in Mobile: Bosses of the Industry – Melissa Lertsmitivanta @ realtor.com®

This article is part of Liftoff’s Women in Mobile: Bosses of the Industry series, featuring in-depth interviews with inspiring women in the mobile industry.

Melissa Lertsmitivanta, Marketing Director at realtor.com® (a News Corpcompany), has had a lengthy career, starting out in Southern California before taking a leap of faith and moving to the Bay Area for an ad tech job opportunity. Though it was a tough transition to leave the comforts of where she grew up, Melissa characterizes the move as the best career decision she ever made, given the vast opportunities the tech mecca of Northern California offered.

Learn more from her Mobile Hero profile.

Tell us about your current role.

I’m currently a Marketing Director at realtor.com®. I lead the mobile app acquisition and retargeting strategies and initiatives on the performance marketing team.

Walk us through your typical work day.

A typical day starts by checking in on overall campaign performance and ensuring that we’re on target with our KPIs, goals and budgets across the portfolio. My day might also include evangelizing and reporting on our marketing campaigns, and pulling data for executive report meetings or forecasting exercises.

Other days include developing and executing our media strategy, maintaining close relationships with our vendors, or looking for new areas of opportunities.

It’s 2020. What has your career path been?

Honestly, it’s gone by so fast. I actually started my career with a short stint in accounts payable while I was figuring out exactly what I wanted to do. I also spent some time in various marketing roles such as managing social media, being an account executive, and even trying to combine and apply my undergraduate degrees in both psychology and environmental studies into one role. Once I earned my MBA and found myself working in mobile marketing, I loved it so much that I’ve been in the industry ever since.

I moved up to the Bay Area 5 years ago for a role at Electronic Arts where I had the opportunity to work on some amazing mobile titles such as Sim City Build It. Now at realtor.com®, it’s all about helping people find their homes. Over the years, I’ve worked on different business models ranging from subscription services to in-app purchases and now lead generation, across different app verticals.

What is one thing you wish you knew at the beginning of your career?

That I am responsible—and the biggest advocate—for my own career path.

Early in my career I relied on my managers to provide opportunities for my career path. While it’s important to have supportive bosses who motivate you, match your strengths and weaknesses, and provide growth opportunities accordingly, it really falls on you to champion yourself, be proactive and be vocal about your own career. I also learned that it’s okay not to have everything figured out and that sometimes you have to pivot along the way.

To advocate for yourself, I think it’s important to be proactive about sharing learnings from the things you’re working on. Being proactive and lending an open hand when it’s needed across more than just your own job responsibilities also goes a long way. Be vocal about what you want, what kind of skills you’d like to work on, projects you’d like to work on, and ask lots of questions to learn along the way.

As a professional woman, what does it take to succeed in today’s world?

Some of the traits to be successful today include:

Adaptability – you’re going to have to learn different skills and tools, work with different people and projects. If you’re able to adapt, step outside your comfort zone and do things that aren’t a part of your core job responsibilities, it’s a really good way to distinguish yourself and gain visibility, expand your reach and your network.

Perseverance – you’re not always going to love everything you do or enjoy every project or interaction with people that come your way. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but being able to persevere and get through challenging situations makes you a stronger and better person. Throughout my career I’ve pivoted and had to work within different roles while still figuring out exactly what I wanted to do.

Proactivity – seek out opportunities and be vocal. Don’t just wait for things to happen. Take responsibility, plan ahead, and find solutions to problems.

Reliability – people want to work with others they can depend on. If you’re consistent and you deliver, more people will want to work with you, and for you.

Confidence – it is very  important. This is a work in progress for everyone, and I think women in particular tend to experience imposter syndrome more. But having confidence and believing in yourself is really important. You have to have a “fake it till you make it” mentality.

Outside of these qualities, success to me is about recognizing what makes you happy, both professionally and personally, and having a healthy work-life balance. We spend so much time at work, but there’s life outside of that. Knowing exactly what drives you and what makes you happy is how I define success.

If you weren’t in the mobile industry, what would you be doing?

If I wasn’t in mobile, I would still be doing something related to marketing. I love how multifaceted marketing is. Being able to surface products and services to people in the world where we have so many choices and influencing them is endlessly fascinating.

I also love candles and scents, given how they have such an effect on mood and creating different ambiences. So I may be inclined to make my own candles and build my own side business.

What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made and why?

Taking the leap and moving from SoCal to NorCal for an amazing job opportunity. It was a huge change of scenery.

I grew up in Southern California. My whole life has been rooted down there. Sometimes you’ve just got to roll with the punches, take risks, and get out of your comfort zone. I’ve lived in Northern California since and really love it. It also helps that the tech industry is based here.

Can you recall a specific mistake you made and share what you learned from it?

Staying in a job too long where I wasn’t happy was my biggest mistake. I tried to convince myself I was content enough and afraid to make a move, which wasn’t healthy. I eventually recognized this and proactively changed my situation. If you’re not happy, change your situation.

Can you share some self-care habits that help you be the best version of yourself?

I like to make sure that I get enough exercise. My top activities are hiking with friends and indoor cycling classes. Exercise is a huge stress reliever for me. Having activities that help you relax, wind down and reduce stress are super important.

I also prioritize quality time with those who are important to me.

To manage work-life balance, I like to maintain a schedule and to-do lists so I can prioritize. Also, learn to say no; you have to have boundaries and know when you’re spreading yourself too thin.

What is a fun fact about yourself that few people know?

I don’t have a middle name. My parents thought that my first and last name being 21 letters all together was long enough.

I also love crime shows like Investigation Discovery, 20/20 and Making A Murderer. The suspense and psychology behind why people do the things that they do is so fascinating to me. I can’t get enough of it.

What is the number one resource you recommend to women?

I don’t have one particular resource, but I think it’s important to have exposure to all sorts of media around topics that either enhance your knowledge of what you’re doing or what you’re really passionate about.

For example, since I’m in mobile, I subscribe to various vendor publications and blogs related to these topics such as App Growth Summit (AGS), grow.co, Mobile Growth Summit (MGS), Liftoff, and other vendor blogs. I also keep up with eMarketer, MMA and others. I use Twitter and Flipboard to aggregate a lot of my news. I also maintain close relationships with my industry friends and draw learnings and inspiration from folks across different industries and verticals.

As for books, I recommend The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and How To Win Friends and Influence People. I also enjoy reading about other inspiring women leaders like Michelle Obama.

Connect with Melissa on LinkedIn

The post Women in Mobile: Bosses of the Industry – Melissa Lertsmitivanta @ realtor.com® appeared first on Liftoff.

Women in Mobile: Bosses of the Industry – Melissa Lertsmitivanta @ realtor.com® published first on https://leolarsonblog.tumblr.com/

[2centsofsilver]

Losing My V Card

Telling Brendon All About It! ~ SUNDAY, DEC 23, 2018, 11:50 PM ~

Alright, I’m here!

Katherine

Ok! I’m here

So yesterday Natasha stayed the night and we made out and she gave me some great tips, etc.

We went to Cafe Zola and the Kerrytown shops today and got some gifts for our families

Katherine

She left at like 5:30 back to Ohio. My anxiety today was through the roof. We slept in the same bed last night and I was so anxious about today that I couldn’t sleep. So I took more melatonin than usual not realizing the mg was higher than normal so I took like 3x my normal amount and then got scared I was gonna die so Natasha held my hand all night??? But what ultimately happened was, I was so anxious and then resisting against this intense sleep dose. And ended up not sleeping at all.

Katherine

So today I was a miserable zombie in a horrible mood with Natasha and felt really bad about it and worried about tonight because I wasn’t in a good place to calm the fuck down

And I just secretly wanted Natasha to leave so that I could go home and calm down so I told her I wanted to go back to my place early and she left like an hour earlier than planned and I was able to calm down in bed and stuff

Katherine

Then I go out to my car to do my makeup at like 6. All the makeup that is usually in my car for whatever reason wasn’t there so I had to search my car to find it for 15 min and couldn’t find my main foundation. So I told Ruth I was running late. I was sooooo fucking mad at myself for being unprepared and late and shit per usual. So I floored it to Walgreens, bought makeup at 6:30, put it on, Floored it to Kerrytown and got there exactly at postponed time of 6:45 on the dot somehow.

Katherine

So it was just this absolute shit show right before, as usual, is the point I’m trying to make.

With me? Lol

Yup!

Katherine

I was just really fucking mad and hated myself because this happens all the time

So I text her when I’m walking in, she tells me where she’s sitting and what she’s wearing, I walk in and don’t see her. So I’m thinking I’m at the wrong Sweetwaters. But then I saw her sitting by the window at a high top table. And she. Was. GORGEOUS

Have I shown you a pic??

I believe so!

Katherine

   She looked just like that, wearing this maroon pretty sweater and had her thick dark hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head. HER EYES were stunning. As beautiful or more beautiful than Rachel.

She’s super pretty!

Katherine

Yeah!

So I walk in v flustered because I’m late and shit and walk over, say hi and apologize for being late. She was super cool about it. She said I should go get some coffee. I come back and we just talk for about an hour and a half

Katherine

We talked about how I prefer cold drinks over hot, our families, our brothers, how we celebrate Christmas, her time living in northern Michigan and how much she hated it due to scarce civilization and zero queer community. We talked about Euchre and she did this thing where she asked if she could show me what her brother does during euchre by taking my hands and making them “milk a cow” over her hot tea lol

Katherine

And then she drank the tea.

Oh interesting lol

Katherine

Yeah lmao

And then at some point in the middle of a non-related conversation, she mentioned “lack of experience” and having “only done casual a few times” so I used that as an opportunity into the next segment of our convo

I asked her what she meant by that

And she basically told me that she’s relatively new to casual dating & encounters and has been “dancing with people” for about 3 months

Wasn’t sure what she meant but she said it’s a euphemism she likes to use

So imagine how a therapist has a full case load of clients

She explained she also has an active running list of regulars outside of work that she regularly hooks up with. And she calls it “dancing with people” as in, the dance of casually having sex with many people

Haha ok

Katherine

I joked saying I was glad she didn’t mean she wanted to go out dancing

Katherine

So she explained that something she does is talk to others about the others. Like all the people she’s sleeping with, she talks about the others to the others. I was just like ok whatever. I think she just meant she was gonna reference scenarios with her other people to talk to me about like examples of the kinds of stuff she does. Idk if that makes sense

Katherine

Maybe saying that it’s okay she’s talking about the others to me, like letting me know they’re aware of it. Idk.

So she started talking about some of the other people she’s been sleeping with and for how long, what those situations are like, very generally

Hang on give me a second

Alright

Katherine

Went blank for a sec

I think she went into all that because I asked her what casual dating/encounters looks like for her, and what she’s imagining/picturing for us

And she said something like “everyone is different but there has been a general/typical theme in how it tends to go”

Which is just, meet up, hang out, do something. Then go back to someone’s place

She said every encounter varies person to person

I asked her to elaborate on her lack of experience

That’s when she mentioned number of partners, and starting out nervous. She said every single person she’s “had a sex interview with” has been very nervous and expressed a good amount of anxiety

And described it as a common theme

So at that point I felt comfortable mentioning my anxiety

Katherine

I basically said, “Yeah I also share lack of experience. I have very very minimal experience. It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen anybody. This past year I have become more sure of myself and what I want, become more accepting of myself and self confident, whereas in the past my anxiety took the wheel. I feel ready for this and am very excited, but do have a small amount of anxiety”

Katherine

Something like that

Katherine

And I was very grateful because that led her into a conversation about how anxiety is normal, all humans have it. How she and every person she sleeps with has it. And how every single “interview” (she used that word jokingly) she’s had recently has involved the same exact expression of fears/anxiety/hesitancy.

Katherine

She emphasized that multiple times thereafter; that our conversation was a very common theme in all of her most recent meet ups

That many many people show up, express lack of experience, uncertainty with their ability to meet expectations, and a relatively high level of anxiety. And that really was valuable for me. It greatly reduced my nerves and discomfort.

And all the talk from friends about not bringing up my anxiety.

I asked her whether what she’s looking for is entirely non-emotion focused. And she said no. She said that’s not possible. She said you have to be attached a little bit in order to trust someone and feel safe.

Katherine

So yeah it was honestly the most ideal conversation and setup. I increasingly felt more and more comfortable. She was very very easy to talk to. And I felt comfortable opening up and expressing anxiety, not feeling like I had to hide it. I even mentioned varying advice from friends about what to share/disclose about my anxiety and she very much reassured me, repeatedly, that having anxiety was not a turn off for her.

Katherine

That it was completely fine, okay, acceptable, normal, common, expected, etc.

I asked her what I can expect and she asked me what my “yes please” and “no not at all” lists were.

Katherine

I hesitated and she said “It’s okay if you don’t know.” So I asked her for examples. She told me that on her yes please list were things like: biting, slapping, and all the basics including oral. Her no list included things like bondage, cutting, drawing blood, anal. But that she’ll give anal. So I talked about some of the things I love and the things I didn’t want.

Katherine

And then I asked her what her preference around hair was and she was woke af as you said, in not expecting or asking me to physically remove the hair on my body. So I felt very relieved.

Katherine

I talked to her about my experiences with Katie who was manipulative/abusive, Jamie who wasn’t the right match, Mike who nearly raped me drunk, and Rachel whose partner vetoed me. She had a knowledge bad in polyamory and she apologized for what happened to me, saying it wasn’t gone about appropriately. I mentioned things like tightness and fear of pain, asked for open communication, check ins, gentle fingering, mentally freezing, and mentioned body image self consciousness. She said everyone has it and that it’s okay, not a thing to worry about. I said “obviously you can tell my body type through my clothes and if that were a dealbreaker for you, we prob wouldn’t be this far into this conversation,” and she said exactly.

Katherine

knowledge base*

She told me “It’s not supposed to hurt, we don’t have to make it hurt, it will be okay,” etc.

Katherine

I just felt all my anxiety fade away. I couldn’t stop smiling and felt so good and so happy/excited. I felt like I could trust her. She also talked a lot about trauma and filling the void, the idea isolation and physical touch. She’s very much a social worker and I’m grateful for that.

Katherine

Towards the end she said “We don’t have to do all of this in one night. There are no rules here, no shoulds, no have-tos. We can go back to your place right after this if you’re comfortable doing that, we could also call it a night and plan for another night, options are endless.” I thought for a moment and told her I’m feeling comfortable and would like to move forward with this at my place She asked if I was sure, that we didn’t have to, etc. I told her yes I’m ready. I went to the bathroom. Texted you, Natasha, and Rachel. I collected my mental and emotional bearings. Came back to the table and mentioned “being ready but scared.” She said “it’s gonna he okay,” and that set me over the edge. Got me off right there in my pants. Put our coats on and walked out

Katherine

She followed me back to my place in our cars. I felt good the whole time like “it’s finally happening”

Katherine

Came into my place, casually talked on the way to my room about why thI couch was covered in plastic and why my bed was covered in boards but has clean sheets (Lilah has been pissing everywhere). She said she literally does not care what my room looks like. But I thought it was interesting that Natasha and I just so happened to spend hours and hours at the laundromat last night washing my sheets and making my bed and cleaning my room, not even knowing this was set to happen.

Katherine

And my roommate JUST SO HAPPENED to be out of town. It was meant to happen

Phone dying give me a sec

Katherine

Tell you more tomorrow, dozing

DEC 24, 2018, 9:35 AM

Wow!!! I’m so ready to hear the rest!!

This sounds great!

Katherine

Yeah!

 DEC 24, 2018, 3:10 PM

Katherine

Oh I meant to also tell you, that I mentioned having never had sex. Like I was straight up but hesitant about it. And she just sorta shrugged like no big deal, not at all a turnoff. She said she had recently met with another person who had also never had sex. She saw nothing deficient in it whatsoever. So amazing

Katherine

I’m out shopping but will tell you more when I get home!

Katherine

I told her I enjoy dominance but to be more equal our first time. But I told her she could be a little dominant and talk down to me and stuff. I told her I was ok with her basically taking the lead with me. And she said that was fine, that she felt it had already been applied. So that was great too. It was all so ideal!

Katherine

implied**

MON 7:25 PM

How was the actual sex??

Katherine

On my way Home from target, I’ll tell u all about it I promise lol

MON 10:37 PM

Katherine

Ok I can message now lol. Hope you’re having an amazing time with your family I’m gonna just tell ya part II and you can respond whenever you want

Okkkkk so!

Katherine

She followed me back to my place. We talked on the way in. I went to the bathroom and got situated. My nerves were kicking in again but this time it was much more excitement and thrill and fun-type butterflies. I came out of the bathroom, mentioned I was gonna take Tylenol for a headache and then I glanced at her. She was laying in my bed on her side fully clothed, cute as hell, smiling at me.

Katherine

Took my breath away. I was so damn wet already My god. So I sorta blushed and went in my room, asked if we should have the lights on or off. She said hallway light was enough so we turned the lights off. I wasn’t sure what I should do so I asked her (that is basically how we went about the whole night step by step which I loved and deeply appreciated). I said, “Should I take off my clothes?” (I assumed the answer was no and that we’d get there but I was trying to figure out what to do immediately lol)

Katherine

So she said, “It’s ok, why don’t we just hang out like this here for a little?” She was so nice and could sense I was nervous so we took things real slow. She got close to me and sorta was sitting on the bed facing me, I was also sitting facing her. And then she sorta stretched out back onto her side smiling at me, so I did the same. So we were laying there on our sides fully clothed up close to each other. Whole time she’s saying, “Yeah, just like that, that ok? You doin okay?” etc.

Katherine

Felt very safe and comfortable

Katherine

So then she put her hand on my shoulder and kinda rested it there, kinda rubbing my shoulder and arms a little, asking if I’m doing ok, we got calm. I don’t remember what we were talking about but we were talking. And in a minute or so, I just sorta looked up and said “ok” and started nodding. And she’s like “yeah?” Maybe I said I was ready. Idk. It was all very natural. She was really really firm on getting solid yes’s from me before continuing because she knew I had been assaulted by a guy several years prior. So I’m like “yeah” and she asked if I wanted to go a step further and I nodded. She’s like “yes?” I’m like “yes” and then BOOM it was like a sex scene in grey’s anatomy LOL

Katherine

She pulled me in, dove right in, we started making out relatively hard. It was like, perfect timing perfect setup, and I was immediately good at it. Damn. She is a good kisser. I felt comfortable the whole time and used lots of tongue and all that. She was much better than Natasha lmao. I was just really loving every moment, felt like a learner soaking it all up. Like the tongue movements...we twirled tongues in circles over and over. Who knew that could be so exhilarating!

Katherine

She started kissing the side of my face, my forehead, all the way down my neck, my shoulder, she had her hand on the back of my neck. I was shocked by how IMMEDIATE the sensations were. Like what the fuck. I didn’t expect that stuff to feel SO GOOD

Katherine

I started kissing her face, down her neck, her shoulder, and put my hand on the back of her neck, and kinda gripping her hair. It smelled so good. Her hair is so THICK and luscious. Whole time she’s telling me it feels really good, saying “yeah” a lot and letting me know what she liked. I’m thinking “damn, this is either just how people communicate during lesbian sex or she actually thinks I’m really good” lol

Katherine

But she seemed to REALLY like what I was doing. Like at one point I put my hand on her back and she said “Yeah I like that. I like your hand on my back like that” so I liked being told what she liked

It was very affirming for me. Confidence boosting.

Katherine

Soon she says “I’d like to take this off you, if that’s okay.” I was wearing a red knit sweater. I was so excited for that moment for some reason. I wore it on purpose because of how smoothly it just falls right off my skin. So she slid it off me, and started kissing down my arms, etc.

Katherine

I said, “what about my shirt?” And she said “Would you like to take your shirt off?” And I said yes so she helped me with that too. And then I was just in my bra and pants. And she started kissing my chest

Katherine

I was kinda nervous to be exposed but she was like rubbing my stomach and stuff and didn’t seem repelled or anything and I was enjoying it so much so most those self conscious nerves were gone. By this point I’m completely outstretched. I asked her if she wanted me to take her shirt off and she said ok so we did. I kissed her all over, etc.

Katherine

Debating how detailed to go on this next part LMFAO

Breast play????? Is...... AMAZING. What the actual fuck. Who knew.

She started doing that to me with my bra still on and I was like already over the edge lmao.

We were still making out, kissing on the lips, etc, just a variety of all of it by now. And then she asks, “Do you want me to take this off?” pulling at my bra. And I said YES

AND THEN

Katherine

We took that off. And get this. By natural instinct I covered up. I literally covered my chest by kinda folding my arms in front of me, twisted over from back to side, and put my head downward. Like I didn’t even realize I did that. And she noticed. She was very good at noticing when I was less okay

Katherine

Because I’m REALLY REALLY embarrassed and ashamed of my breasts. Like really bad. Because when I got assaulted by Mike Johnson, the way he looked at them all confused when he realized they weren’t perky. The way he held them and sorta paused to think. The way he tried to get my nipples to come out even though I don’t have naturally erect nipples. I remember how badly I wanted to cry when he did all that. So I was really ashamed when my bra came off. I didn’t want her to see my chest. Isn’t that sad???

Katherine

And she kinda caught my eye contact when I looked down. And then I just laid on my side for a bit kissing her, etc. And we were facing each other side by side again. And she looks at me and she’s like, “You know. It’s helpful when I can see you.” I hadn’t even realized I’d done that, because I didn’t know what she meant. I’m like “Oh...haha, ok, wait, you mean like my face or the rest of my body?” And she said “Both.” She had paused. I don’t know how to explain it but it was like she saw a moment and caught it for me, and wasn’t gonna let me feel ashamed. It was like “let’s tackle this before we continue,” so we took a pause

Katherine

She’s like “It seemed like you were hiding a bit there,” and I just said yeah, and she was like “we are okay.” And I’m like ok. And she said ok? And I’m like ok. And then we moved on. I rolled back onto my back and let myself be exposed and closed my eyes. And she moved into my breasts and what happened after that was history lmao

Katherine

She starts feeling all around. I was blown away by how good it felt immediately. I remember that with Mike a little. Just felt really really good. I personally like hard rough play in this area and was planning to ask for that. And I pretty much did right away. She had told me she likes biting, both providing and receiving. I love receiving. So I basically just told her to do things and she did. It was all very exceptional. And then I really emphasized how badly I wanted her to hurt me. And she said “You also said you were scared about pain,” and I said “Yes but up here it’s ok.” So yeah I asked her to do the maximum. Pinch. Pull. Bite as hard as she can. Etc. Lots of pain lots of gain. I looooooved it. She asked me if I wanted her to SLAP me. I wasn’t sure about this. Thought about it. Said ok but not too hard. She did it once and i liked it so she did it maybe 2-3 more times. I know this is beyond detailed but I’m also gonna he copying and pasting all these messages into one consolidated blog entry on my private tumblr so yeah lol

Katherine

Gotta write it somewhere lol

Then she started rubbing a certain area and saying “you’re pretty dark here. You may bruise here,” and I said ok that was fine. But omfg. My boobs are SO SORE and bruised today. I’ve got hickies allllllllo over omgggg

I just bruise so easily in general, it’s insane

Katherine

So then I ask if she wants me to take her bra off. We do. She says, “Is this your first set of tits?” I’m like yeah. She goes “This is the first time you’ve ever played with a woman’s tits?” And I’m like yeah. And I’m pretty sure I said “I’m nervous” or “I’m scared” or something. And she said it was ok, “everything will be okay.” I said “what should I do?” And my voice was all fucking nervous and shit. And she said to just play with them. So I went for it the same way she did for me. And she again, affirmed everything I did just by her reaction/sounds but also by telling me.

Katherine

I was like terrified to even look at, touch, lick, or bite her nipples but I did and she loved it so it felt good knowing I was providing something to someone and she was enjoying it

Katherine

She said I was really good at it. Loved the biting. It went really well. At this point things took a turn (in a good way) because I asked her if I could straddle her other leg to get to the other side. And in doing so, my knee brushed against her down there, and the way my body was moving just from licking her up top was causing that to also happen down there so it was like a good segway into part II which i was so ready for. I think I asked her if we could take my pants off. So we did. She helped me. She brushed her hand up against me down there with my underwear still on and it almost sent me right over the edge. She’s like “Is this where you want me” and I couldn’t even talk. I nodded. But she wanted that yes. So I gave it to her. So she started feeling and everything and I told her I wanted her to take my underwear off. She asked if I was sure. Etc etc. and then she did. And moved right in. And I’m not gonna give you details but it was EXQUISITE. She started with her hands. Then moved into oral. Then used her hands again. It was just like. I had hit another planet.

Katherine

Like my mouth dropped open and I said “Holy moly” lmao

Katherine

The oral was just beyond imaginable. Idk if it’s like that for everyone but she knew exactly what she was doing it. Like, v skilled. And then I asked her to finger me. And that was the part during coffee where I expressed great fear and history of pain so she wasn’t sure and definitely asked me if I was sure. She said “you’ve talked about a lot of pain and tightness down here” and I said “yeah but I want you to try and just be gentle.” And she said “We are not required to do this. We don’t have to. We can do other things,” and I said “I know. But I want you to.” (I DID!!!) I told her it can be painful but a huge turn on for me when and if it’s not. So she said ok but said, “if anything hurts, I want you to tell me and I’ll stop.” And I said I will don’t worry

Katherine

So she worked on me a bit. Slow and gentle. I am not kidding when I tell you there wasn’t much pain. A little uncomfortable but she was able to get in there. I incrementally asked for 3 fingers. And she was able to go pretty deep without pain. There was SOME pain here and there. Some intolerable and I spoke up. But I wanted her to try it and we did. I liked it. Halfway through I was shaking from anxiety and cold and expressed that and she covered me up. It was super sweet. It almost felt even better all covered up in blankets and stuff

Katherine

We worked down there a damn ass long time

It was great

Lmfao @ holy moly!!!

Katherine

Then took her underwear off. I didn’t go down on her because she got very very tired lol. So I fingered her till she came. She fingered me more till I came. And then we kissed some more. And then we just laid there. It took over an hour till I came. And then it was really quick and fast and she was confused by how fast I’d orgasmed. I said “I can usually go again right after” and then literally masturbated in front of her and got off in like a minute. But it was still super fast and she was struck by that. Didn’t understand why my orgasm wasn’t longer. And honestly I’m not sure either. I told her after providing myself with millions of orgasms all my life, I sometimes wonder and feel as though I’ve lost my ability to have strong ones anymore. And she thought that was interesting. I mentioned “we’ll have to research it” lol and work on it.

Katherine

Lmaoooo glad you liked that

After I got off to myself she’s like “is that the first time you’ve ever got off in front of someone before?” And I said no, I orgasmed with Mike Johnson. Etc. But yeah

This is all so great so far, it sounds like you had a fabulous night!

Katherine

Then we just laid there and talked about my job lol. I showed her videos of my kids on the JCC tablet while we were still naked and panting which is probably wrong and messed up in numerous ways but WHATEVER lmao. I wanted her to see what I do for a living and she loved it. She said it seems I really love those kids and my job. Then she said she was tired and needed to sleep. I thanked her a ton and said I hope it was okay for her and she said I did a wonderful job. We both got dressed. I walked her to my door. We hugged. She kissed my forehead. And I pulled her in and kissed her hard on her lips. And then she left.

Katherine

She said when I get back in town to let her know and we’ll do it all again.

Basically I’m now on her “outside of work client list”

Because she has a list of people she regularly sleeps with and I’m basically in now. In the books. Lol

I’m so happy brendon

Haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. This morning I got off like 5 times in a row thinking about it and didn’t wanna leave my bed lol

Katherine

OH- there were 2 awkward moments. 1 was when I asked if she was comfortable fingering me anally and she said yes. She did okay but she said she had never done that before. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted and then I was mortified because I forgot that sometimes there’s a smell and so I didn’t say anything but I initiated we move onto something else. Like I was entirely clean back there but I completely forgot that sometimes that can happen. I didn’t utter a word about it but took the lead in moving back into something else lol

Katherine

And then the other awkward thing was an overwhelming need to pee as we moved closer to orgasm. She said that just meant I was close to orgasm. But I fucking know how an orgasm feels for me and this as very much a desperate need to pee so we stopped and I went to the bathroom and COULDNT PEE. She said it’s probably just anxiety and I think she was right. But then she said her hand got tired later and prob wouldn’t have been so tired had we just kept going rather than stopping and then starting over again lol

Katherine

But yeah that’s the end

As the JCC teachers sing at story time: “That’s the end of the story, that’s the end of the story, that’s the end of the store-eeeeeeeeee! It’s time to sing some songs!”

What song should we sing today brendon? If you’re happy and you know it? Ok! Here we go! If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!!

I diiiiiiid it brendon!!!!!!!! I DID IT! I DID THE THING!

You really did do it!!! I’m so happy for you and also proud of you!

It sounds amazing!

And like you’re gonna do it again soon

I’m glad she was so patient and comfortable and kind

Katherine

Exactly!! Yesss me too!! Thank you Brendon!

All day today, extra energy in my step. Fucking grinning everywhere I go

I TOLD SUSAN

You’re confident!

Katherine

I know!!!

Sounds like it was everything you wanted and needed

Especially in your first time

Katherine

Yes like a dream

Yes

Katherine

And no relationship needed. Like it was the perfect amount of everything just as is.

Which is great

Katherine

I don’t really want a relationship right now

Exactly

Oh also, 2 things I forgot to include. Both awkward

At the very beginning of her going down on me. She spread my legs and I cramped

Like leg cramps on both sides

Katherine

Embarrassing because ya know. I’m fat and I cramp up and she had spread my legs as wide as possible. So I voiced it and she acted like it was no big deal, completely normal, asked if I wanted to prop them up with pillows so we did and she adjusted them and no more cramping. It was like she knew exactly what to do or something

Katherine

And then the other thing was, halfway through the whole thing she said, “Are you familiar with sub/dom BSDM at all?” And I said yes (just from so much porn watching over the years). And she’s like “Well, one thing that tends to be common in BDSM, is the phrase, ‘You are being a very good girl.’ Is that something you’d like me to say to you?” And I wasn’t sure.

Katherine

Like the majority of me didn’t really like the ring it had because it feels fake, scripted, not real. I’d rather her talk down to me and TELL me to be good. But I didn’t like the “good girl” thing and should have told her. I said we could try it so we did and yeah. I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t something I’d wanna do again. I like being told I’m doing good, or to be good. But I don’t like that good girl part.

Katherine

Like that I’m a child and she’s a parent or something. Idk. Didn’t feel right

But then, the thing is, I have my own specifics that a lot of people would probably be uncomfortable with in their own sex life

So we are all different and I get that.

But I have kinks that I’d LOVE to explore with her that are def different and more uncommon. I’m assuming she won’t want to for at least one of them.

Which is fine and completely understandable

And then a third thing that happened was she asked me to slap her breast. Which I wasn’t uncomfortable with or anything. Just nervous and embarrassed to do??? I did it once. She said I did really well. Idk. What are your thoughts on these last few things?

[ycdiabetes-blog]

Blood Sugar Test-Simple Steps to do at home

Every diabetic understand the relevance of the term "Blood Sugar" Though a normal person may not grasp its importance, but for a diabetic patient, its a matter of life and death. Before going on to describe the step by step tutorial to check sugar level, it's better first to understand the whole picture for the benefit of newly diagnosed readers. What is blood sugar? It is basically the amount of sugar/glucose present in our blood. In a non-diabetic person, the sugar in the blood get utilized by the body cells, but in diabetics, the blood sugar gets failed to absorb and remains in blood circulation. Why it's important to do blood sugar test? Because the excessive amount of glucose (sugar) in your blood will harm your body and will cause irrevocable damage. Diabetes is notorious for causing damaging complication which severely affects the quality of life. After getting diagnosed with diabetes, most of the people don't care about their blood sugar, They feel that they can do anything they want, just like a normal individual. Remember, you may not face any issues now, But 10-15 years down the line, you may face complication that will be not only painful but also irreversible. To give you an idea, high blood sugar develops complications like: 1. Neuropathy: In which your damaged nerves cause excruciating pain throughout the body. 2. Heart Failure 3. Stroke 4. Kidney Failure 5. Amputation of legs 6. Reduced Sexual Power & much more By now you would have understood that this is something serious!! Can I test blood sugar at my home? Sure you can do, but you will have to buy following tools. 1. Glucometer You can purchase glucometer online without any hassles. Now there are multiple options available in the online market. Before clicking on BUY button it's better to do some research and read specifications of different meters available. Choose the one which is made of high-quality material and has good consumer rating. you can buy high-quality glucometer from Amazon by clicking this link 2. Glucometer Strips Be careful to check the price of the strips before purchasing any glucometer. Strips are something which you have to buy on a consistent basis, so choose the glucometer that uses cheaper strips. Generally, people don't tend to do research and buy the ones which require expensive strips. You need to understand that investing in these devices is not a one time cost, so choose the ones which suits your budget accordingly. One more tip; If you are looking to buy strips don't buy it from your local retail medical store as its more expensive, I have noticed that online marketplace (especially in India) offers it at a cheaper price. You can buy glucometer strips from Amazon by clicking this link 3. Alcohol Swab: For cleaning your injected site you can buy alcohol swab from Amazon by clicking this link  4. Cotton 5. Lancets: These are the pins needed to prick the finger   Ok, as a diabetic what numbers should I target? In order to be safe, it's better to target numbers that are close to normal numbers. However, this may be difficult for someone who got diagnosed recently as he needs time to understand his body condition. For the newly diagnosed diabetics, target numbers which are recommended by ADA (American Diabetes Association); Fasting Blood Sugar (FBS): 80-130 mg/dl Post-Prandial (PP) (2 hours after meal): below 180 mg/dl Though above ranges are good for newly diagnosed but keeping these ranges will not save you from diabetes-related complications in the future. The ADA recommendations numbers are inflated and will not guarantee you complication-free life. If you want to save yourself from diabetes-related problems, it's better to work hard and achieve normal blood sugar numbers, that is Fasting: below 110 mg/dl Post Paradial: below 130 mg/dl Read about normal blood sugar that diabetic should target in detail  You can easily achieve this target by getting disciplined in your food habits. By now you would have understood that any foods which are rich in carbohydrates are bad for diabetics as they raise blood sugar. You can do wonders by removing this high carb food from your diet; whatever you eat, try to find out the carb content in that food from the internet, and if that food has high carb, just avoid it completely. According to Dr. Richard Bernstein, it's better for Type 1 diabetic to follow a fixed diet routine for better control of blood sugar. He recommends following carbohydrate intake for a diabetic person: Morning: 6 Carbs Lunch: 12 Carbs Dinner 12 carbs I must tell you that to achieve this number you need to have high willpower. If you are living in India, there is a great chance that you have been eating roti (Indian Bread) in each and every meal. But you will be surprised to know that one Roti has as much as 17 Carbs!!!!!!!! And the diabetics here are eating rotis like anything; No wonder their blood sugar goes haywire each and every day. I am not telling you to completely follow the regime of Dr. Bernstein, I know that it's very difficult to achieve that, but what I am asking you to try to limit your carb as much as possible for the benefit of your body.   Now comes the important question; how to do blood sugar test at home? 1. First, collect all the tools that I have mentioned above. 2. Smear the cotton with alcohol and clean the finger in which you want to check your blood sugar. The step is important because your dirty finger may give inaccurate reading

3. Tear open the strip pouch (remember don't let strip in open for longer duration as it may give inappropriate reading)

4. Now prick your finger using the lancet device and press the finger to draw out blood

5. Put test strip in the glucometer and draw blood in the test strip

6. Check the reading How often should I check my blood sugar? It's better to check the sugar level as much as possible. However, there are certain times of the day which I think will give you better idea of your sugar control 1. Fasting Blood Sugar (FBS): This is usually done in the morning when you had not eaten for 10-12 hours 2. Post-Paradial (PP-2hour): After having meal, make sure to check the sugar level after 2 hours to understand your body responds to the food and the insulin you have taken. If you get high numbers, understand that you need modifications in your diet and medications 3. Random: This can be done at any point of the day. While the above tests are something of a routine, you need to check your blood sugar at different times of the day when you come across following condition a. Performing Intense exercise: DIabetic got a risk of running low blood sugar (Hypoglycemia) while doing any physical activities. Hypos are dangerous and may cost your life if you have not heed any attention to it. So what to do? Check your blood sugar before playing any sport. if you feel that your sugar level is not up to the mark and you may run low in between, then have something sweet that may keep your body ready for exercise. Its always better to keep chocolates or something sugary to eat while performing any intense activity   2. In Depression and Stress Your mood can influence your blood sugar reading and make your diabetes control go haywire. In the modern life, you undergo plethora of emotions each and every day; the stressful work environment and desire to achieve stars has just made the condition worse. Always make a point to check your blood sugar when you are not in best of your mood. Check how your emotions affect your blood sugar for you so that you may get prepared next time for this unexpected blood sugar levels. Ans the most important thing is to set your priorities right. Choose the work that makes you happy and helps you maintain proper work-life balance.   3. Travelling Many of the guys love traveling and have a passion to understand different cultures of the world. But the problem for a diabetic is that everytime they venture to unfamiliar places they are also introduced to foreign cuisine. For diabetic, it's important to understand how this new dish is impacting their blood sugar. So whenever you eat unknown dishes, make sure to know its carb content and check how it is impacting your blood sugar.   FINAL WORD If you liked our article, make sure to share it with other diabetics, your sharing motivate us to come up with a new article. If you want us to write on a certain topic, you can mail the subject to us by going to Contact Us page. You can also join our facebook group by clicking the following link. YOGICULT FACEBOOK GROUP FURTHER READ Side effects of Metformin Should Diabetics eat Fruits? Can Diabetic eat Chocolates   Read the full article

[theherblifeblog]

Let's Talk About Budderweeds

Budderweeds is a Canadian mail order company that supplies flower, edibles and concentrates to Canadians via an online shopping cart which you can access here. 

They offer a wide variety of hand selected and designer cannabis products such as THC infused candies, numerous strains of craft grown flowers, high potency extracts or discreet vaporizer pens.

On the FAQ page they explain that they source all of the cannabis they sell from local craft cannabis cultivators (love that!). They're investing locally in socio-economic activity associated with the cannabis industry because of a belief that it creates a strong foundation for community development and by supporting independent craft growers they know it assists in ensuring the long-term sustainability of the premium products they want to sell (LOVE that!).

Budderweeds hooked us up with a few products to try so we'll tell you about our experience but we also wanted to take a moment to highlight some of the more creative things they're doing like a fun, ultra Canadian commercial posted to YouTube.  

We got to try a couple of strains; a Sativa, an Indica and a Hybrid and - full disclosure - we were really worried about the quality. Through no fault of the company our shipment sat in a metal post office box in the baking sun for several days before it arrived at Her(B) Life hq and we thought for sure it would affect the quality of the products but we were happily surprised when we opened the box to discover that Budderweeds uses fantastic packaging that was smell and child proof and when cracked open the flowers inside were perfectly cured and smelled incredible. We passed the bags around and even our hardest to please (weed snobs :p) reviewers had nothing but good stuff to say.   

Indica: Pink Star

First sniff:

Musky, spicy. Strong fragrance but that packaging is smell proof and works so well! 

Fun fact: The terepene mycerene is often associated with that musky indica scent and is the most common terpene in cannabis, and the one most closely associated with couch lock. 

Appearance:

Thick, dark green dense buds. Lots of crystal. cured nicely, wasn't sticky and wasn't over dry. 

"Prepare for deep relaxation when partaking in this clean burning bud."  -- Budderweeds website

Sativa: Zelly's Gift

First sniff:

Super lemony fragrance. really yummy and delightful. 

This strain gave me a nice easy buzz that saw me through an afternoon of working in my garden. I'm not usually a big Sativa fan, preferring to mellow out with heavier Indicas but Zelly's Gift is a new winner in my books. 

Appearance:

Again I was really happy with the quality of the trimming and drying. The buds were so beautiful. 

"A great choice for uplifting mood, sparking creativity, getting your dancing shoes on, and mingling with friends"  -- Budderweeds website

Hybrid: White Castle

First sniff:

Earthy and sweet. 

Appearance:

No fluff here, these buds were dense and intense. Very impressed with the overall quality. 

As a fan of this strain already I was pretty happy to get to testing it out and it didn't disappoint. If you want to learn more about White Castle Wikileaf has an in depth write up on the lineage of the strain and we encourage you to check it out. 

"White Castle is a great choice for anytime of day to instill a sense of euphoria, relaxation and of course some solid munchies."  -- Budderweeds Website

Rock Candy

The rock candy, at 40 mg a pop was a nice mellow, manageable buzz. The candy itself was really sweet and while super tasty, would be a bit much for someone who doesn't possess a rampant sweet tooth. You could not detect any of the tell tale earthy flavours of cannabis which was actually really nice.

The sweet candy fragrance though... It was heavenly to crack open that resealable bag. The scent of the three candies wafted out and hit me like a ton of bricks, my mouth started to water. These are definitely a treat and I'll absolutely teat myself again. 

Distillate

I also tried the distillate which has been purified of all waxes and oils naturally present in cannabis. The technology of terpene extraction allows extractors to single out the flavour molecules in cannabis and then reintroduce to the pure distillate to enhance flavours. I found this concentrate to be a pleasant vaping experience. I didn't choke and the draw was smooth. I offered it up at a dinner party and there wasnt anyone who could think of a negative thing to say. 

All in all, I really liked this company. They have terrific customer support and the quality of their products is undeniable. I will order from them again, 100%. 

Check them out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Instagram and of course go check out the website where you can order a free edibles sample pack. Good luck not spending all your money there. 

[edgysocial]

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12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017

You’re reading 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

The Internet is full of resources on time management, tips for a stress-free life, and finding work-life balance.  Since we are unique creatures with varying personalities and goals, it’s nearly impossible to come up with a formula to a better lifestyle. The most we can do is to search, test, and share techniques that worked for us. In the bestselling self-help book Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, Heidi Grant Halvorson noted the science-based strategies on stress management. The principles, including having self-compassion and remembering the “big picture,” are recommended both for business and personal productivity. One of the most important tactics Halvorson shares is looking at your shortcomings with kindness and understanding. A study published in the Journal of Research of Personality suggests that self-compassion has significant positive association with happiness, optimism, and personal initiative. People with self-compassion are less depressed and more successful. For 2017, I vowed to make changes in my life. I refuse to waste away my energy worrying and devote my time on those that truly matter. Here are 12 techniques that helped me glide through the last year that might help you as well. #1: (Really) know yourself more

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How do you know yourself? Do you fully understand what triggers your anxiety, or what calms you down? In 1921, renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s Psychological Types introduced two major personalities, the introverted and the extroverted types. Generally, an introvert draws energy from spending time in solitude while an extrovert functions better when surrounded by other people. Two years after Jung’s publication, the mother-daughter tandem of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers began their study on the various personality types. They later came up with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) with the main purpose of making Jung’s theory of psychological types “understandable and useful in people’s lives.” By taking the MBTI, you’d have a deeper understanding on your perception, strengths and weaknesses, emotions, and how you deal with others. Your personality can also explain your workplace habits, guiding you on how to plan your next career moves. #2: Understand your mental condition

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For some people, following a set of recommended steps to a stress-free life is not as easy as it seems. There may be an underlying medical condition that hinders you from calming your nerves. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, roughly 18% of US adults are suffering from an anxiety disorder. This mental condition is characterized by restlessness or irritability, feeling tense and jumpy, pounding of heart and shortness of breath, upset stomach, fatigue, and insomnia. The treatments available include psychotherapy, anti-anxiety, and antidepressant drugs, and alternative medicine such as yoga and meditation. Anxiety can make other conditions such as depression and sleeping problems worse. If your anxiety is interfering with your daily activities, see a doctor immediately. #3: Be kinder to yourself

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Our mistakes and failures help define us. If your relationship didn’t work out, there’s a reason for that. For many years, I also beat myself up for a relationship that ended bitterly. There were nights when I would replay our last days together to analyze what I did wrong and how I could’ve made the situation better. I only benefitted from these painful reminiscing when I finally decided to move on and learn from these mistakes. The same goes with my business decisions. Whenever I make a wrong turn, I briefly identify the problems, draft a solution, and move on to my next course of action. As Louise L. Hay wrote in You Can Heal Your Life, “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.” #4: Aspire for quality sleep

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One key to a better life is adequate sleep. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults aged 18 to 64 should get seven to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. Working as a manager in a real estate company is not an easy undertaking. Meetings can last for hours, leaving me too exhausted to doze off at bedtime. Sleep deprivation has a serious impact on your well-being. It can increase your risk to diabetes, heart disease, and hypertension, and weaken your immunity. According to the Harvard Medical School, insufficient sleep affect mental performance. “Concentration, working memory, mathematical capacity, and logical reasoning are all aspects of cognitive function compromised by sleep deprivation,” it warns. How do I manage to get right amount of sleep each night? I regulate my caffeine consumption. I skip coffee after 5 p.m. I also set a rule to disconnect from any electronic device (cellphone, laptop, and TV) at least an hour before bedtime. Finally, I decluttered my bedroom to free my mind from distractions. #5: Push yourself to exercise

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Like many people, I had my love-hate relationship with my rubber shoes. I could come up with the lamest excuses just to avoid going to the gym. Then about two years ago, I noticed that I could barely keep up with my older sisters when we go  malling on weekends. They called my attention. I was breathing hard and sweating profusely after only 15 minutes of walking. I weighed 20 kilos above my normal weight and I got tired easily. Getting into a fitness program is like climbing a mountain. The hardest part is the beginning. Once you get the hang of it, your body will demand it. I didn’t place any pressure on myself. First, I set an achievable goal—to log an hour of moderate exercise per day, three times a week. Then, I increased it to two hours, including 30 minutes of vigorous exercise. I also took note of my diet. I only eat the amount of calories I can burn in the gym. I lost 10 kilos in six months. More than losing weight and being able to move more freely, my perspective in life changed. I learned to listen to my body and prioritize its needs. #6: Less salt and fast food treats

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I only realized that I’ve been consuming too much sodium when I stopped eating in fast food restaurants for a month. Why did I do it? It was more of an experiment I placed upon myself after watching the Academy Award nominated documentary Super Size Me. In the 2004 documentary, American independent filmmaker Morgan Spurlock ate only  McDonald’s food for 30 days. The result? Spurlock gained 11 kilos, and increased his body mass by 13% and his cholesterol to 230 mg/dL. Scary! My schedule was jampacked, juggling work, writing, and pursuing other endeavors. I usually had working brunches in fast food restaurants. The only time I cooked my food, which were not exactly healthy, were on weekends. Super Size Me gave me a new perspective. I came up with a challenge—to stop eating out for a month. The changes were amazing. I couldn’t stand too much salt anymore and preferred to prepare my food. Most importantly, I recognized a drastic change in my mood. I was less stressed and irritable. #7: Declutter your life

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Your unkempt kitchen, messy work desk, and pile of clothes in your bedroom are stressors. Professor Joseph Ferrari of DePaul University in Chicago said: “It’s the danger of clutter, the totality of one’s possessions being so overwhelming that it chips away at your well-being, relationships, and more, drowning in a sea of stuff.” He noted that a chaotic and disorderly living space can disturb your “sense of home and ability to bond with others.”

Organizing consultant and author Marie Kondo shares some tips on how to declutter your space. Keep only the items that make you happy or those that “spark joy.” Clean by category, not by location. You can start with your closet. Place your pile of clothes in a corner and decide on every item. You’d realize how much stuff you’ve accumulated. This also applies with your work area. The cleaner your desk, the clearer your mind!

#8: Use technology to make jobs easier, not more complicated

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We have an app for nearly every type of activities, from tracking a project to monitoring our heartbeat. Use these to help you finish tasks faster. How do you choose the right app for you? You can choose those with good reviews from fellow users. Try them and decide whether they work for you or not. If you run your own firm or manage some areas of company’s operations, take advantage of outsourcing. You can’t run a stress-free business if you try to do things on your own. One area you can outsource is your social media management. Explore bots that can help handle the influx of queries or a third-party firm that can aid in your social media marketing strategies. Discover Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems that can help your sales team monitor accounts and activities, and generate reports.

#9: Revisit a hobby you’ve been neglecting

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Do you have a passion that you keep on putting off? This may be a cause of your high stress levels. Before I joined the workforce, I have been a film enthusiast and a prolific reader. I also submitted poems and short stories to several publications in and out of campus. I was convinced that working in the corporate somehow drained my creative juice. Organizing my schedule to allow time for film watching, reading, and writing not only reduced my stress. It also boosted my energy in the office and kept my moods high even on the toughest of days. #10: Disconnect as you see fit

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Is it the fact that you’re online, or that you know you can get summoned for work anytime, that’s causing you stress? According to a new study, “Exhausted But Unable To Disconnect,” the anticipatory stress and expectation of answering after-office-hours emails are adding pressure to employees. “If an organization perpetuates the ‘always-on’ culture, it may prevent employees from fully disengaging from work, eventually leading to chronic stress,” said study author Liuba Belkin of Lahigh University.

As a manager in a real estate company, I was guilty of putting my team on edge 24/7. I didn’t care if they’re resting at home or spending the holiday with their family. I sent them text messages or emails regarding their prospecting and sales activities. Later on, I noticed that we’re all stressed and agitated about work. Sales is an ongoing process, making it tough for us to impose a rule on disconnecting at certain hours. However, our team came up with an idea—I’d ask for their reports before we go off to holidays. If a sales agent is closing a sale on a holiday, he/she would let me know the approximate time I can expect his call for assistance or updates. When the business is done, we’d disconnect.

#11: Walk as often as you can

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Walking has therapeutic effects. Do you know that a 10-minute walk can be as good to your mind and body as a 45-minute workout? Whenever my many activities leave me burnt out, I grab my trainers and walk around our neighborhood. Walking has a strong symbolism for me—I leave the worries behind me with every step I take.  Then, I enjoy a hot cup of tea and listen to soothing music. These I do before going back to a strenuous work. #12: Live in the present

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“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking this very moment. That’s all there ever is,” says Eckhart Tolle. For many years, I struggled with anxiety. I didn’t understand where my illogical fears were coming from until I talked to a professional. I was encouraged to do therapy, one of which is meditation. Meditation is not easy for first timers. I couldn’t shut out my mental discourses and usually ended up frustrated after a meditation session. Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now was my answer. It involved a mindset: being conscious about the present moment. I started by paying close attention to the sensations of my skin, the rhythm of my breathing and my surroundings. Whenever a difficult situation hits me, I stop and ask myself, “Do I have problem at this very minute?” The answer is usually no. According to Tolle, unless it’s quite rare to encounter a problem in the present moment. Most of our worries are in the past and future, which are inexistent. It is said that stress is the norm of our modern society. It is the norm because we make it so. Dare to change your lifestyle. At the end of the day, you’re the captain of your ship.  

You’ve read 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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