#Getting better tho. Just putting them in a pile helps.

[askatriangleandastar]

Spooky Month doodle pile!

[lucifers-rubber-duck]

𖤓 Being married to Lucifer would include 𖤓

Pairing: Lucifer X Reader

Warnings: Mentions of depression and slightly suggestive content. Reader doesn't have a defined gender.

Waking up with morning kisses ❣

• He likes to hug you before you two sleep, is almost funny seeing him trying to be the big spoon when he's so tiny.

• It's no surprise he's a very clingy man, and that would just double when you two got married.

• Kisses aren't limited to morning tho, he'll get any excuse to give you even a peck. Lunch kiss, Goodnight kiss, Afternoon kiss, anything you can think of will be a good time to plant a smooch on your lips.

Eating the best of what Hell has to ofer ❣

• I believe with my whole being that Lucifer is a fenomenal cooker.

• He can bake anything you ask for, doesn't matter what, he will do whatever he can to make it the best meal you ever had.

• You can expect to have breakfast on bed at least once in a week, he'll sit besides you in bed and wait until you finish eating, wings around you and smiling like a idiot because he just adores seeing how happy his cooking makes you feel.

• He will ask you to cook with him too, he especially enjoys baking apple pies and pancakes and will often make cookies shaped like ducks. He sits and waits in front of the oven until it's ready and really enjoys when you also make him company.

Deal with his rubber ducks everywhere ❣

• Lucifer isn't the most organized person, yes, he enjoys doing the cleaning most of the time, but he finds it a hard time making sure all his ducks are in place.

• Sometimes you'll be going normally with your day, walking by the house and suddenly you will step on one of his rubber ducks, making it squeak.

• You tried putting them on a shelf once, making sure they were out of the floor, but in less than a week that shelf would be full because he would just keep making even more ducks and having nowhere to place them.

• His solution to it is to just shove them into his office, making piles and more piles of yellow rubber creatures, they will stay there until you two can think of a better solution.

• He gifted a bunch of those to you as well, you have your own place to put your collection, it's full of duckies themed of things you like, one of them looks like Lucifer, the other looks like you and a smaller one that looks like Charlie, the three of them have a special place and are always together in your collection.

Help him to clean himself ❣

• Sometimes his depression can get the best of him, when it happens he doesn't have the energy to even get out of bed, you'll have to help with all his chores and simple things.

• Help him get up, help him shower, brush his theet, fix his hair, help him get dressed and make sure he eats, sometimes even hygine is hard for him to do alone and the help you give him means the world.

• Also, make sure to tell him that you don't mind helping him, even with menial tasks like those, he's very insecure when these episodes happen and is scared that you might leave him because of them, he doesn't want to be a burden, so tell him how much you appreciate being his partner.

“I'm sorry for making you do this...” he silently says, head resting on your lap as you bursh your hand through his blond hair, it was one of those days and you two were sitting togheter on his office couch, he didn't have the will to do anything today and you had to help him even clean himself up, he felt like shit. “I'm such a piece of trash.”

You shake your head, grabbing his chin and making him look at you, he looks so tired and defeated, and at the same time looks at you like you're the only thing making him less miserable.

“Don't say that Luci, you know I love you a lot don't you? I don't mind helping you when you're feeling down” you move him around, enough to be able to give him a hug, pulling him closer to you so he could be comforted, you hated seeing him like that, you wish he could see how amazing he truly is, see himself the way you see him. “And hey, you were able to brush your theet by yourself today, I'm so proud of you for that.”

He's at verge of tears when he hears you say that, he pulls you closer using his wings, putting his head on your chest. “Thank you so much dear.” He's glad he has someone like you in his life.

Having to deal with bite marks ❣

• Lucifer is... How to put it. Rather possessive.

• But not in a creepy or unhealthy way! No no no, he simply adores you so much he can't help but mark you as his sometimes.

• His sharp theet can make a real number on you, he tries his best to be as gentle as possible, asking your permission before ever biting you anywhere, but he always aims for visible spots.

• Sometimes it makes you so embarrassed that you ask yourself why did you let him bite you in the first place, like when Charlie asked about it once and you had to make the worst excuse ever just to not tell her that her father was the one who did it.

• When you told him about it he just laughed, that made you a little annoyed but he promissed he would be more careful later. (This time he gave you a mark on your thigh before putting his tongue into work)

Hearing about his wishes to form a family ❣

• Man daydreams about forming a family with you, he can't help but just think about how precious it would be for you two, Charlie and a new child to take a new family picture.

• He doesn't force that idea onto you, he drops here and there how much he would love a new child, but if somehow you showed that you were uncomfortable with it he would stop, you and Charlie are enough for him and he won't try to change it for a fantasy.

• But if you want to adopt, probably a Hellhound or even a Imp since there's no human children in Hell, he will absolutely be supportive and be there with you through the adoption progress. He'll make sure to treat the child as his own and give them as much love as they deserve.

• If the adopted child is a girl then? He'll just be the happiest man alive, he's going to spoil her, never want to let her go and will dress her up in every opportunity. He'll for sure cry before you all take a family photo and say how much he loves you and his daughters.

[moonbaetarot]

Pick a pile

What makes you a good person

1. 2. 3.

Pile 1

Your a peaceful person you like to keep your peace. Your someone who goes with the flow your ok with change and new things even if your scared of a situation you know it’s all going to be ok. You stay true to yourself you’re not flashy you don’t flex your money or newest finest things you have. You see things from every perspective you’re not quick to judge you know everyone comes from different paths in lives and may see things differently. You may have struggled with mental health, anxiety or depression in your childhood or teen years this really played a part in who you are today. You may be a teacher or want to be a teacher of some sort or had a teacher in your life who you looked up to I’m getting miss honey and Matilda vibes. You make what seems impossible possible. Someone here could be 22. You have a lot of stability you’re ready for anything. You see everything as an opportunity. You don’t let people get in the way of your path in life. You know how defend your self you usally don’t tho if someone says something about you you just like I feel sad for them like “you must be miserable to hate on me” but if you need to defend yourself you’ll snap and get your point across.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

Pile 2

Being a good person may feel hard sometimes. it’s like you do everything for everyone and get nothing back. You over work yourself for people who don’t deserve nothing from you. You’re worrying about pleasing others over your own happiness. You may feel like being a good person gets you nowhere. (I’m sorry love if someone in your life and doesn’t appreciate you you need to cut them off you deserve so much more then people who don’t appreciate all you do, you are so important and you will find someone that will appreciate you.) You take care you others I’m getting empathetic energy like if someone around you is sick your fast to get them whatever they need because you remember what it’s like to be sick so you wanna help them get better. You stay committed your very goal oriented if you put your mind to something you’re doing anything to get there. Someone here may be very close to their grandma or used to when they were little. You find a way to see the joy in fun in life even when things aren’t easy. You’re good at giving advice you know just what to say in any situation. Someone here may have very long hair or like to their elbow. You know how to keep a promise. You need to learn to cut people out your life love someone in your life isn’t good for you.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

Pile 3

You use past situations to help better yourself. You work well with other people and groups. People see you as approachable you have a very friendly energy about you that makes people wanna talk and be friends with you. I feel like you’re a very good friend always checking up on people making sure everyone’s ok and making sure no one feels left out when y’all hangout. I feel that sometimes your face may say other wise tho lol someone here may have a rbf or just look mad or tired sometimes. You are good in relationships you were made to me a lover I’m hearing “best I ever had”. When you have kids you’re going to be the best parent you are going to love those kids so much And unconditionally. I feel like having kids is going to change you for the better if there things you don’t like or flaws you have become a parent is going to change all of that. I feel like you’re a trustworthy person people trust you with many things. You look out for people you love and protect them from people with ill intentions Your able to see the bad in people and they will think there slick and getting away with it but you see right through them. You have a mothering healing energy people feel safe around you being around you just feels like a big hug. You have a very soft submissive girly energy.

Thank you for reading loves! 🤍

[system-to-the-madness]

Nothing Extraordinary - Dazai Osamu x Reader

Pairing: Dazai Osamu x Reader (can be read as any gender, no pronouns used) Genre: (angst to) fluff Word Count: 2 360 Warnings: use of (y/n), mentions of dying (nobody dies tho), Reader is scared Dazai doesn't love them Summary: Even after a year of dating there are three words Dazai and you have yet to exchange A/N: Happy Birthday to Dazai, even though his birthday is already over in Japan...

A soft exhale brushed over your slightly parted lips as you pressed “send” on the file you had spent the past three hours preparing. A look at the clock on your desktop screen told you, you it was only half past three, but the sun shining in through the windows of the Armed Detective Agency had already a strong orange tint.

Absentmindedly your gaze wandered over to your boyfriend’s desk, finding it empty. You wondered what kind of unimportant task Osamu had found this time to get around doing his paperwork.

Confused you tilted your head.

Taking a closer look at his desk that bordered yours, it seemed like the files Kunikida had piled on it this morning had already been moved to the “outgoing” folder, which meant he had at least made the effort to shift them around at one point. But had he actually done them?

Reaching over to his desk, you grabbed a bunch of the files out of the box, flipping them open. Indeed, they had all been processed neatly, in Osamu’s handwriting. What was wrong with him? Usually he only did them when Kunikida stood next to him, threatening him with exposing some kind of embarrassing secret of his to you.

The first time Kunikida had used that threat, Osamu had thought he had been bluffing, and thus you had learnt of the time Osamu had been ‘stuck’ in a restaurant’s bathroom for an hour straight because the clearly labelled door would have opened through pulling, not pushing. Of course you had thought Kunukida had made that up, after all, someone as clever and cunning as Osamu would never- but a glance at your then-boyfriend-of-three-weeks had revealed just how true Kunikida’s story was, the red flare of his cheeks having glowed under the cool blue light of the office’s illumination.

Ever since then Osamu knew to take Kunikida’s threats seriously. But since the blonde skill-user had not spent the better part of the day standing next to Osamu, supervising his work, you couldn’t help but wonder if your boyfriend had unlocked a new skill that allowed him to finish his paperwork within the blink of an eye.

Or maybe he was sick? No, if he were, he’d have clung to you the whole time, whining about how miserably he was feeling. Sometimes he really behaved like a huge child. Why did you put up with him again?

Because I love him. 

Yeah, only that you had never told him that. You had been dating for almost a year now, and Osamu had as good as moved in with you, but you had never told him you loved him, nor had he told you he loved you.

Of course, you made sure to express your feelings in action and a few times it almost would’ve slipped over your lips in moments when you were distracted or tired, causing you half a heart attack each time you caught your tongue in time. And as hard as it was sometimes to decipher his behaviour, you were fairly certain Osamu was at least somewhat emotionally attached to you.

But there was always this fear.

This fear that he’d pull away the moment you expressed how serious and deep your affection for him had grown. This fear that he’d take it as the sign to draw back and drop you like he dropped all these girls he had been meeting with before the two of you had almost died in each other’s arms during a mission, before he had pulled you into his chest and kissed you as if it were the last thing he would ever do before both of you suddenly had the same idea which had ended up saving your lives, before he had asked if saving each other’s lives qualified him for a date with you. As if you had been out of his league before that, when really he was the one who could barely save himself from suitors who were attracted by his intellect, his charm and of course also his good looks.

Tearing your thoughts back into the moment, you shook your head and took a deep breath, focusing back on the screen before you displaying the confirmation that your file had successfully been delivered.

Another glance at the clock. 15:35pm. You reached for the notepad besides your screen and ticked off the report you had sent just two minutes earlier. The next point on the list was… annoying. Not difficult or hard, just annoying. With a small sigh you went back to work.

Your eyes were trained on the screen, following the signs that appeared while your fingers were flying over keyboard, focusing on the words you strung together. You barely noticed the hand that carefully placed a plate with grapes and strawberries next to your keyboard, white bandages covering the skin from right underneath the thumb until they disappeared into the lazily rolled up sleeves of a dress shirt. A moment later the hand disappeared and a second, equally bandaged hand placed a cup of freshly brewed green tea next to the plate.

This time you noticed the movement from the corner of your eyes, glancing at the already retreating hand, unable and unwilling to hide the smile tucking at your lips. It didn’t happen often, but occasionally Osamu would bring you snacks while you were working. It were little things like these, the little efforts he made, every day, small things that accumulated over time which made your heart beat hard in your chest whenever you thought of him.

“Thank you, Osamu. I love you.”

The moment the last syllable had left your lips, you realized what you had just said, and froze up. There were reasons why you had never told him. You knew he struggled with forming permanent, close relationships, with opening himself up to others. If you came across as too eager, too clingy, too pushy,… he’d leave faster than you could blink.

All you could hope for now was that he hadn’t heard you, so you quickly continued typing, having barely missed a beat in your rhythm. Exhaling slowly, you relaxed your shoulders.

He hadn’t said anything, so he probably had snuck away and not heard your confession, otherwise he certainly would have snickered, or teased you. Only for you to come home to an apartment later that had been cleared of all his things. No, he hadn’t heard you. Most certainly not.

You had already typed another full line before a sudden voice right next to you startled you into interrupting your work once again, this time making you whip your head around to look at the man standing next to your desk.

“I love you, too.”

Osamu’s voice had been quiet, his eyes not fixed on you but instead a drawer of your desk, before he looked up almost hesitantly. There was something shimmering in his eyes which not even you, as his girlfriend of a year got to see often; a vulnerability and hesitancy, as if he wasn’t certain he had just trusted someone with a secret they would mock him for. You could never help but feel unsettled when this shimmer glossed over his eyes: Dazai Osamu wasn’t the kind of person to fear being mocked. Not by anyone. Not by anyone but you.

It took a moment for his words to register in your brain, until you had processed them, and you couldn’t help the way your eyes widened at the realization of his words.

“Osamu that’s- that’s not what I meant,” you quickly denied, before noticing how it had to sound to him. “I mean, I didn’t mean to pressure you into saying it back! I don’t want you to say things like that just because you feel obliged to-”

The soft smile that begun spreading over Osamu’s face irritated you enough to forget what you had meant to say.

Slowly he crouched down, placing his hand on the armrest of your chair and turned it enough to make you face him. Biting your lower lip, you watched him scan over your face, his hand subconsciously moving from the armrest to your knee. Warmth sept through the thin fabric of your fabric trousers, the elegantly cut kind Kunikida had advised you to wear when you had first started working for the Armed Detective Agency.

“It’s true though,” Osamu said, his voice so quiet that you’d be surprised if anyone but you could hear it right now. “I do. I’ve known for a while now. It’s not that kind of fleeting feeling of a crush, even though I wanted it to be only that. But the more I began to deny it, the more I realized that you have carved yourself into my heart and now it carries your name. Admitting it is scary though. What if you don’t feel the same?” He brought one of his hands up to your face, the backs of his fingers ghosting over your cheek, warm and familiarly gentle. “What if I allow myself to love you, and you leave, or get taken from me? To love you means to offer myself to the possibility of hurt and I don’t want to be hurt anymore. But I want to love you. I do love you. With all I have.”

Orange afternoon light caught in Osamu’s whiskey-coloured eyes, igniting his long lashes in warm auburn. Single hairs threw fine shadows over his skin, and all of a sudden you once again realized how delicate his features were, how beautiful his face, how warm his gaze.

His words echoed in your head, tumbled over one another, until you couldn’t grasp a clear thought anymore, so instead you bent forwards and gently touched your lips against his. The hand he had still placed at your cheek came to cup your chin, but he didn’t pull you closer, just held you.

Kisses like this were rare. Osamu was always excited and full of passion, and so were his kisses. And the times he wasn’t, when the shadows in the corners of the rooms got too long and deep, threatening to swallow him whole, his lips moved desperately against yours, demanding you to offer him a lifeline, a way out, a distraction from old memories coming back to claim him and pull him back into the dark.

Now he let the kiss linger, your faces close enough for your lips to touch, for warmth to be exchanged, for him to feel your pulse beneath the delicate skin of your lips. But nothing more.

When you pulled away after several seconds, you saw Osamu’s eyes had fluttered closed, and remained closed for a moment longer. While he couldn’t see, you instinctively darted your tongue out, wetting your lips; they tasted of him. Even such a short kiss was enough for him to leave his mark on you like this.

“Thank you.”

His eyes were still closed when he spoke, making you tilt your head at him.

“For what?”

“For making saying these words for the first time something… so normal. Nothing extraordinary. Just intertwined into our everyday lives. It lessens the anxiety.”

“I was scared too, you know.” You didn’t elaborate on the reasons. He didn’t have to know you thought he might not love you. But he was Dazai Osamu, always ready with another surprise up his sleeves.

“I know, my angel. I know. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.”

“No, don’t be. It’s not your fault, nor mine. It just was. Just happened like this.”

“I like the way this happened.”

When he finally opened his eyes, they were gentle and warm, and the way he looked at you was nothing short of lovingly. Yes, lovingly. And this expression had been in his eyes for a while now, when he had looked at you, you just hadn’t been able to identify it. How long had it been there already? You were not sure. Most certainly not from the beginning on, when he had ignored you entirely for your first months at the agency. But it had been there for a long time, longer even than you had been dating. You knew you had seen it in his eyes, when he had lent in to desperately kiss you that time you had almost died together. You wondered if that had been the moment he had realized his feelings for you. One day you would ask him. But not now. Now you just wanted to know-

You had already opened your mouth to ask him if he wanted to take a small coffee break with you, when Kunikida’s booming voice interrupted you.

“Dazai! File OS0346 are missing the sketches I specifically asked for!”

Osamu, still crouching in front of you rolled his eyes, making you chuckle.

“Kunikidaaa,” he whined. “Can’t that wait until-”

“Of course it can wait,” Kunikida interrupted your whiny boyfriend. “But then I’ll tell (y/n) all about the time-”

“Nope, nope, no, I got it, I got it,” Osamu quickly jumped to his feet. “Already on my way. No reason to destroy my good image here.”

“Which good image,” Kunikida growled, throwing a file onto Osamu’s desk as he passed it.

You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped your lips, earning a playfully scolding glance from your boyfriend, who slipped into his office chair, whining dramatically while doing so.

“Just so you know, Kunikidaaa, I’m signing out at exactly 5o’clock, and so will (y/n), and nobody will be able to contact us until tomorrow morning.”

Turning your chair back to face your desk, you glanced across the room, seeing Kunikida’s reddening face as he was staring daggers at Osamu. You chuckled again and tried focusing back on the report you were supposed to write.

Underneath the desk, something bumped against your foot and a moment later hooked around your ankle. Safe from Kunikida’s or anyone else’s eyes, Osamu had linked his feet around yours, shooting you a smile and a wink before both of you focused on your work again, the small contact at your feet a constant reminder that your lives were now inseparably intertwined.

[skele-bunny]

Thinking About Polyghouls Basic Dynamics...

(and some)

There's a bit of a hierarchy as there is with any packs wether topside or pit! There's the pack leader, then second and third command. That would be Dewdrop, than Aether, and then Mountain. They're looked at the most for guidance, like learning the human tongue, what to do, or even sexual/romantic guidance.

Most packs will become poly and this one wasn't spared :3 Dew, Aeth, and Mount already had an ongoing relationship. First one to join that was Rain, then Swiss, then the girls, and then Copia! Sunny, Rory, and Phantom then followed.

OHHHHHH my god they're all so stupid over each other tho. There's affection almost every minute, nicknames or pet names left and right. The pack hierarchy doesn't play into the relationship at all, but it is a bit obvious that Dew plays into it a bit more. He's more likely to initiate affection than vice versa. Just leaning over the couch to kiss Sunny's cheek or butt his horns against Cumulus', pulling Swiss down next to him on the couch for cuddles.

There's very casual and comfortable nudity in the den, plus it's just more in their nature to be bare than wear clothes. Does lead to some fawning and touches, plus exhibition and voyeurism.

Date!!! Nights!!!!!!

Can be movies, to activities like arts n crafts or cooking, or just simple days out. Usually always ends with a ghoul pile and a lot more affection. Sometimes there's more specific dates within the pack but their all inclusive date tends to cater to everyone.

When Copia comes over, they'll usually peer pressure (jokingly) him into joining their casual nudity and date night. He's sooo stressed all the time! He needs to relax! A lot of attention is on him, and is put in the middle of ghoul piles. He really does love his ghouls and does his best to learn their separate cultures and give them gifts in relation to it; otherwise just from his silly old man heart.

Now, there's also some agreements among the pack for comfort as well :3

CW - Nursing/Lactation, Breeding Mention, Egg/Oviposition

Rain and Dew both need assistance with their milk and egg laying. It honestly surprised Dew that he still had some of his water features but hey! The body is a surprising thing. Rain needs it a lot more as Dew is (literally) dried out and a lot more rare. Water ghouls constantly produce milk even outside of a heat, so they need relief and there's a LOT of willing volunteers in the pack to latch on to them.

Rain can produce his own eggs and also lay eggs with his tentacle. If he's laying, he'll need a partner to lay them inside, and feels soo much better after. If he's expelling, just needs someone to hold his hand and monitor him while he's snuggled in his bathtub. Not uncommon to see one of the ghouls with some egg bumps near Rain's cycle time

Dew produces his own, and he used to have a very high clutch count, but now it's heavily decreased. It's the same as Rain, but he does experience some pain with expelling so that's why Aether is usually the one to assist him.

Speaking of Aether! Breeding bull Aether my beloved. Very high sex drive, and he's either jerking himself off or buried deep in one of his mates. When he and Sunny retired, poor girl was his walking fleshlight bc everyone else was gone LMAO. He has a very heavy knot, and is locked to his partner for a good bit. Caused a few pregnancy scares before, but he just breeds sooo deeply. It's very uncomfortable for him to go a long time without it, so someone usually volunteers. (Cough cough dewphantomrory cough cough)

Cumulus needs accommodations for intercourse as she has bad knees and asthma. Can involve a sex swing, stool, or sometimes she needs water to be more comfortable. There's always an inhaler nearby, too! So if Cumulus ever needs something specific, everyone's more than happy to do whatever it is or get something to help.

Copia is a minute man. That man can only cum three times and he's done for. That leads to him being a VERY big vouyer watching the ghouls go at each other. At first it startled him from how rough it could be and sometimes bloody, but learned it's just their normalcy. They're all very gentle with him, taking time to prep, make sure he's satisfied, and comfortable. He gets a lotta aftercare too they love him sm :3

[simpjaes]

Omgg you should do a experienced!reader and inexperienced/virgin bf!hyung line, I feel like some of them would be like nervous or anxious about their first time 😭

hyung line + losing their virginity to reader

warnings: submissive men, not all of them are boyfies but just assume you end up dating

jake:

definitely looks, acts, and talks like a virgin, probably has a porn addiction too. also the type to fall in love the second someone touches his dick. Im talking one little squeeze and he's like "i'm in love with you."

you go on a date with him and instantly you can't tell if he's using you to get rid of said virginity or if he genuinely likes you. it's a bit of both, tbh. like the second he saw you he was like "i hope she jumps on me"

you don't mind inexperienced men, virginity doesn't really mean anything unless the other person cherishes it, and you happen to love hooking up. and like, you would try your best to make it somewhat special for him, though he doesn't really pay attention bc he's too horny to be nervous or afraid.

definitely misses the hole twice before you help him put it in, instantly rolls his eyes back and can't stop from fucking forward :( premature ejaculation and all, but he makes it up to you by letting you guide him by the hair while eating u out ♡

jay:

the virgin that you'd assume isn't one until you actually see what he acts like when he's horny :/ also has a huge porn addiction and is the guy on a dating app texting you at 3am (when he's not being nervous about it) like "wyd? wanna meet up?"

ofc you wanna meet up, but it's not like you were expecting him to immediately expect you to give him head as soon as you see him. i mean, you definitely did do that tho.

when it came his turn to do all of the foreplay and stuff, that's when you realize this guy is a virgin and trying to pretend like he isn't, nervous as fuck that you'd make fun of him for it considering he's definitely old enough to have had more experience than this.

and you'd be like "don't tell me..."

and he'd be like "no!!!! i've had so much sex!"

he's a liar, you could tell in the way he rubbed your left lip :/ still, his nervousness turns into obligatory service top shit, where he asks you to tell him what to do, and that you can't leave until you actually come. and boy do you. like over and over again, because he's determined to make you feel as good as that pussy made him feel.

sunghoon:

tripping over his own feet to get to the bed with you on your 2 month anniversary bc he's held out due to nervousness. by the time he gets to the bed, he's the one pretending to be too tired bc he genuinely is so freaked out that he can't live up to what you might expect of him.

"Hoon, all of it feels good, i don't have to orgasm."

"But!!"

ends with you riding him half to death, practically using him like a sex toy, and him becoming a pile of mush under you. His eyes would be glued to your tits and hands glued to your ass :/

man would be so entirely in awe of how you do it, internally thinking to himself like "this is it, im a real man now-" and he totally gets why people have sex addictions after that point. he would also just get better and better at it, until like a week later he's the one on top of you, plunging in deep like he wasn't too afraid to do it just a couple of sessions ago.

heeseung:

lil bit of degradation over being a virgin. like !!! yes!!! he is such a loser for never having fucked the way he talks like he does!

im not lying, he would be in the room over playing games all fucking night with his friends, talking bout how he and you fuck all the time. you always laugh at him for it like "imagine if they found out you're a virgin." and he'd be like "why am I a virgin again?"

and ofc it's because you don't just wanna...like....take that from him, until he turns into an absolute menace of a man, trying to touch you, trying to be the whore he wants to be. i'm talking head under your skirt on the couch type shit. fr he gets hella experience with foreplay before you finally give in and let him stick it in. only after he promised you that "losing my virginity isn't that big of a deal, just let me fuck you!"

he was a lil eager, rhythm wasn't that great either, but he was truly trying his best and you guess you should probably fake an orgasm so he can actually boast to his friends about it.

except you don't fake it, and you're shocked that he just...kept going after getting off, staying hard and literally railing you until you had no choice but to come :/

[seleniangnosis]

Venus' gift to you ☁️💗

Pile 1 ---> Pile 2

Pile 3 --> Pile 4

Hi everyone ☁️💌! I was inspired by e pervious pac series of mine "Conversations with the Planets" , where I channeled the energy of the main planets to get advice for you, and decided ro now do one where I ask what gift are they bestowing upon you in this lifetime.

This is a general reminder to let yourself discard anything that you might not resonate with, and that my pacs are not to replace any professional help or advice. Hope you'll enjoy them ☁️💌. Feedback and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Find my other PACs here 💌

Pile 1

Hello people of pile one , and welcome to your reading 💌!

Your gift: Wisdom of the Heart

You are a person who has a good , and healthy control of their emotions. You don't let yourself carried away by negative feelings, or fall prey to emotions such as: envy, hatred, revenge. This might show up in situation where you're dealing with difficult people. You don't let what they say affect you, or get the best out of you, because you know it's not worth it. You value your peace of mind, more than coming on top and prove everyone else wrong. Even in situations when you are tested by people who try to get the best of you, the flow of your emotions is balanced, and you are able to manage them, without falling into extremes, or see the other person's point, and get the situation over without becoming " toxic ".

How to utilise your gift to it's highest potential?

Here, I m getting the idea that is more connected to yourself and how you feel inside, rather than the outside world. You are not immune to being hurt, even if you have good control over how you feel. Let people know when they hurt your feelings, confront people when they throw harsh words at you. I believe that you're the type of person who walks away and goes silent, trying to " heal " themselves quietly when they go trough a hurtful confrontation. This is useful sometimes, but people need to be put into their place sometimes. It's not worth to let them always feel like they won , and this can be done trough assertiveness, without verbal violence. The more I look at the cards the more I'm getting the idea that even though you have this amazing ability to work with your emotions, you might be afraid of serious confrontations, so you mostly walk away in difficult situations, without letting what's bothering your heart get out trough your mouth. Walking away from arguments is wise, but people will use this to their advantage, and walk all over you the next time they feel bothered by something.

Pile 2

Hi people of pile two, and welcome to your reading 💌

Your gift: Strength of Character

Actually the first word I heard when I pulled your cards was "audacity ", so congrats on your audacity pile 2! You seem to be a person with a strong character, who's not afraid to stand on their own feet, and put others back into place. If you are shamed, made fun of , even if people might think you're small and not so " threatening ", they soon find out the real you. What I don't see tho, is you being the type of mean / rude person when dealing with different situations. If people are around, you re perceived more as " the bigger person ", someone with confidence and authority, rather than " the meanie " .

I feel like this type of strength is sometimes taking you to a point of loneliness? You might be the person who always relied on themselves for emotional support, you solve your problems on your own , and cut connections with people and / or situations as soon as you see and feel ( for lack of better words) " attacked ". Unlike pile 1 ( read it if you want to better understand what I'm trying to say), you don't seem to sail so smoothly trough your emotions. You're not afraid of endings and cutting ties off with what you deem to be no longer useful, but in this way the cycle just repeats itself.

How to utilise your gift to it's highest potential?

Dont be resentful. Deal actively with misunderstandings, overcome the past, look at things in the direction of optimism and growth. The way you feel, the way others make you feel can tell you a lot about yourself. Challenge that status quo. In case you sometimes find yourself making mistakes, there's nothing wrong with apologising, or recognising that you judged the situation unfairly. Work more with your emotions, and try to understand them, rather than running away from them and say " ah it doesn't matter, it's over now". These thoughts might still be following you around from time to time, and acknowledging that you were too quick to judge isn't a bad thing. Asking someone else for help and advice could be a good idea.

Pile 3

Hi people of pile three, and welcome to your reading 💌

Your gift: Courage of the Heart

In this pile, the message is centered around yourself and how you play a role in the way you make yourself feel and act. You might be / have been a person with a lot of self doubts, irrational fears, a person who was/ is extremely reclusive, and bound to mental escapism tendencies. How is this a gift, you might ask ? Well , the gift is in overcoming your innate / irrational fears and discovering who you actually are. For those who overcomed these self doubts, you're now in a place where your inner world feels richer and stable. These emotions helped you see the real you and realise that you're lucky enough to share your thoughts ( I feel like some of you are/ were the shy, timid type of person) without fearing judgement.

Now, for those who are still trying to overcome what's holding them back, the advice is to use those words, emotions and thoughts you're afraid to, and get used to that part of you. There's nothing wrong with being more impulse and say something quirky, funny out of the blue. Don't overthink that much about other's reactions. You have all the potential to be a confident, brave and cool person, but only if you dare to, and let that side of you out. Take easy steps towards seeing your beauty, charisma and charm!

Pile 4

Hi people of pile four, and welcome to your reading 💌

Your gift: Beauty and openness of the Heart

You seem to be the type of people who, despite the struggles they faced, they kept their hearts open ,and are willing to help others deal with difficulties as well. People might have found a lot of support in you multiple times, or just by talking to you, you interacting with them. You know how's like to go trough what life throws at you sometimes, and are willing to be a pillar of support for others in need as well. I didn't want to jump directly towards financial help and support, but it's possible that some of you have helped others with money or made donations.

How to utilise your gift to it's highest potential?

Do not forget yourself and those close to you. It's good yo offer help, but so is to fill your own cup first. Do not exhaust yourself emotionally, materially and mentally to help anyone who needs it. You might be an emphatic person, or just someone who is deeply affected by seeing pain and hurt in others, and jumping immediately to help them, but doing this constantly will show negative effects upon yourself. You have a lot to give, but your resources will ran out if you keep on using them without a break. Prioritise those people who might really need it, or are close to you. You're much more than the labour you do for others, or the help you give them. Alternatively, you can provide people with advice only, and have them solve their problems by themselves. Never spread yourself too thin.

[vivisviolets]

The intentions of this person💗✨🌚🌝 Positive v. Negative energy (ANY PERSON/SITUATION)

↳1, 2, 3, ↳4, 5, 6

♡★helloo, guess whattt- this was supposed to be 9 ponies but i chickened out 🐓, bc its better to let the egg crack then to just sit on it forever (explanation: its better to post instead of trying to be perfect✨💖)- also this was released early on my Patreon for a whole week! so if you wanna get messages like these sooner then come join all my other little peppermint-patty-patreon members<3 kk enjoy~*

♡ - Pile 1

♡ - Cards: Ace of Swords, The Devil (reversed), The Hanged Man

♡ - Oooh ok, Hi Pile 1s! Energy check first- this person is very sweet, or appears that way outwardly- I'm getting this taste of some sweet hard candy flavor (grape/fruit punch), honestly I think this person's sweetness or how they appear in your own energy is hitting some "hard" spot in you, I'm hearing "hard shell", but this could also be this person, as I'm picking up that while they are just as sweet if not sweeter on the inside as they are on the outside (I'm hearing ooey gooey nooo why is it always that phrase 😭), there is some possible facade that they have, that I think you are suspish of- but I feel that this type of facade they have is similar to that of a nurse/care-worker…? In fact they be in one of those roles, maybe even customer service? Either way, this goes back to that "hard spot" that was being hit/triggered, possibly in you. Hm…

Their intention: Positive ♡ - This person's energy can be a little saccharine- in terms of their sweetness, and while I think that is triggering something personal that is within you- you aren't wrong. I get the sense that this person relies too heavily on their femininity- and I say "relies" because this isn't really a healthy connection to femininity, they use the energy they can gain so as to put up a sweet/peppy front. But it's not a false front, nor is it a bad thing- it's more so they need some more grounding within themselves so they can return being more authentically them. And I definitely think if you two become closer, you could help them feel comfortable enough to do that! And they could be very beneficial to you too, so good luck pile 1! I see this as being a blossoming friendship.

-

⚡️ - Pile 2

⚡️ - Cards: Page of Pentacles (reversed), The Sun (reversed), The World

⚡️ - Ok this is interesting- Hello Pile 2 nearly said pile 3 so that might be for you as well! This is a masculine energy, and I was expecting to get a knight when drawing cards, this person is so masculine I'm tempted to use he/him- but of course this is gender neutral, only energetically this person is masculine,- I'm getting that someone here might even have a son… This person is also quite impulsive, and their ego has a strong outward presence, they may be a Leo or have a lot of 5th house placements. It's giving "fast", they may be the type to rush through life, maybe out of an avoidant attachment,-they could be more anxious-avoidant when vulnerable/more emotional. They have a very cool style though I'm not gonna lieee (even if they dress basic, they carry themselves like a model and everyone has a camera-😳😭 bruh)- if this is romantic/sexual I don't blame you for being attracted to them because they know how to make themselves the center of the room, center of the stage if you will.

Their intention: Negative ⚡️ - Deep in a- deep in a- deep in a dark club🎶- I don't know WHY that was the song that bass-boosted into my head- but yea, while my energy reading of them was neutral, their intention towards you (and everything else in their life) is not, it's not ok- it's kinda shady ngl- it's giving f-boy I'm afraid to say. Because I'm picking for the collective you guys are very sweet, soft people- IM HEARING THEY SEE YOU AS COTTON CANDY AND THEY WANNA MUNCH- AND "RUIN" YOU😭😱⁉️ oh no-no-no-nooo get out… Um- get out. Sorry anyways- for real tho, the energy you have is pure. And Jesus Christ- next to this individual, their energy level is bottom of the well- not even bottom of the barrel- it's slimy. Even though they make themselves out to be so bright and eye catching, it's all fake- it's like they're a fluorescent light, while you are sunlight… Yea just don't, ok? Literally best remedy is to ignore them, it may feel like they're taking away your spotlight, but it's actually the other way around. Out of sight out of mind. Something better is coming. Fucking trust me

- 🐌 - Pile 3

🐌 - Cards: Queen of Cups, 10 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups (Reversed)

🐌 - Awe ok they're cute, Hi Pile 3~ welcome-welcome, it's giving demure, it's giving mindful- it's giving shy- awww, this person is quiet. They are tapped into their emotions- and everything makes them anxious BHAHA that is what I am picking up, for some of you this is a new person on your radar- that came in after you let go of someone, good for you! Because this situation is actually going to offer a bit of healing, I'm seeing butterflies- very soft, simple, distracting- but good distracting! Honestly I keep hearing "delicate", even if this person is perceived as masc, they have a sensitivity to them- but what's unique about them is that sensitivity extends outward, outside of themselves. They may work with animals, pet shop, pet care- and they may have more (perceived as) "delicate" hobbies- I'm hearing book reading/bookworm, crochet, journaling, and being in nature! Their intention: Positive 🐌 - While I write positive- for most of you here I don't see this working out -working out as in long term, I mean. (This could even represent a job position- and it'll be a temporary one)-- because the point of gaining this connection was to offer you a breath of fresh air as you stepped into this new phase in your life. If this is a relationship/friendship, they were there to show you- you have options, that you have good options- if this is only a crush or admirer, it's to show you that you are attractive, and to give you a healthy ego boost. And finally if this is a job position, it's to teach you positive lessons and for you to gain information- before you are sent off to somewhere better- or someone, who's a better match (even if that's just yourself 💗). - 🦅 - Pile 4

🦅 - Cards: 8 of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles (reversed), Ace of Swords 🦅 - Sup' Pile 4! Welcome-welcome, I sense this maybe a shorter pile as most of you here are asking about a recent acquaintance- and or your energy is just that peaceful currently- idk. The person on your mind you may have met online or in a group setting of some kind, and even though you have not interacted much, this person is quite cheerful when they talk to you, maybe you have talked enough within the group that they have sought you out one-on-one (if that has not happened it will, they are eager to speak to you further)- and you guys have either connected with each other based on art/creative projects, or a shared tv series/fandom!

Their intention: Positive 🦅 - I see this being a very light hearted connection, the kind where you know of each other and are able to-- finish a potato sack race together, you know? Your personalities go together well like pb&j,- it's just not a relationship that can get much deeper then that, just FYI and there is nothing wrong with that! You two share some cute inside jokes and may remember certain details about each other and that's enough!- and a reminder to always share kindness, but especially to focus on giving your energy to those closest to you~! - ⚝ - Pile 5

⚝ - Cards: 2 of cups, nine of Pentacles, Queen of cups, 3 of Pentacles (bonus) ⚝ - Someone here is very nurturing- maybe it's them, or you could be reading through this reading because you are nurturing- but maybe it's both of you! Maybe it's this relationship, the pair of you together that creates nurturance💛. How lovely- you may have just found your match! You might not realize it at first, sometimes we get so used to searching that we don't realized we already got what we've been looking for just under our nose~ awe pile 5, this is truly so wonderful… But this is the energy check in so let me continue picking up this person's aura/energy- honestly this could even be a mother figure in your life, and them and your inner child are healing together💛🌟- but this also could be someone you have met and have become friends with!- however they identify, they have a very divine feminine/divine mother energy to them, and honestly this may show up in their appearance (I'm seeing a heavier/plumper body type, rounded hips, round face, round lips, rounded/soft/fluffy hair- again regardless of gender!!), they may have prominent/strong cancer placements (maybe Leo as well), they're the type that artists would have used back then to model for paintings/sculptures, they're majestic even if they dress/appear super ordinary, and you may have met them via work as there's something about this connection that still feels a little reserved. They know how to get along well with people, as they appear very kind and non-threatening!

Their intention: Positive ⚝ - Please get to know them more!!! This is your sign that they are safe to get to know/get closer to. Just be gentle and don't be nervous, this is a connection to enjoy, remember that peacefulness kindness is something that relationships should have, even if that feels unfimilar to you❤️❤️. They can give to you like how you give to others, balance is key and they are more then capable of being a part of said balance!! Now go out to brunch with them goddamn it!!!! - Pile 6

★ - Cards: The Star (reversed), Justice (reversed), Two of Pentacles ★ - Okkk, cards I pulled were interesting- chille- Hi Pile 6. some of yall are thinking about multiple people (a friend group?), and some are thinking of just one person. They have some sense of style that caught your eye, this could be their aesthetic, appearance, behavior, charisma, etc. They may be someone who stands out in a group, and they may have “player” energy but it’s turned attractive by their personality. I’m seeing a lot of smiling and laughing, their jokes can make people feel cared for, they may have an accent, or they may be loud- their voice is recognizable in some way. I’m hearing “they know how to be funny, and then walk out the door 🚪), oh nooo- for some of you this person may come across passive aggressive at very random times, and for other’s this person tends to randomly ”shut down”/disengage, they always have something to say, until they don’t, and they’re always “locked in” until they’re not. They’re touch and go, willing to put in the effort to have a good time. I’m seeing this is something they learned to do out of a place of insecurity, and they tend to see people for what they can do for them, and if the person is not doing that, then they refocus on something else/another person.

Their intention: Negative ★ - I don’t know if this person’s energy is positive, or negative to be honest,- because I’m seeing they have desires for you, just like how you have desires for them and there’s chemistry. I think the only thing that made me define it as negative is that this person is aiming for a “friends w/ benefits” situation, and I don’t believe you truly want that pile 6. because I’m seeing that this person won’t even be a “friend” to you, very hot and cold, talkative and complimentary one moment then fully apathtic the next- because they do not like you- so much as they enjoy the chemistry when it’s good. I’m seeing moments where you are trying to talk about your day, and they remain on their phone, and you almost feel like you’re annoying them, even tho they were fine with talking 3 minutes ago and laughing. spirit’s harsh advice is that this is a waste of your energy and the benefits aren’t worth it/aren’t for you, and even though you act chill/fine with it, you know you want something more and you’re deserving of having that, and to not take it safe anymore with these nowhere relationships.. but to be fair to you, if you want those types of casual relationships with only “fun” then go off then- but still, weed out the ones who are less worth your time, because you have several. and this won’t be an energy you can stay in forever.

. . . why do i feel like playing roblox i don't even have roblox

love, vi~♡

[intuitively-her]

How will this school/career year go for you?

Pile 1-(5 of cups, 3 of swords, 2 of swords, The Magician rx, Justice, 10 of pentacles, 9 of pentacles)

This school year will be a huge lesson for you. You’ll learn a lot about yourself. You’ve got some untapped potential. Someone here could be an art major or you’re interested. You may have a lot of interests or curiosity about different subjects. Whatever it is, look into it! Don’t be scared to learn new things or get involved in study/social groups. Try something different! It would be beneficial for you academically and socially. For someone here, you may face some disappointment in regards to school. It feels like you tried out for something or put in an application and things just didn’t go as expected. It just feels like a rejection from something. But that’s okay! There’s something better for you. There will be many situations where you’ll be faced with a dilemma, and it’ll be up to you to make the right decisions. Spirit needs to see if you’ve learned from your past lessons. There will be many moments where you’ll be faced with an obstacle. Don’t let this scare you tho! This is all to build you up into the person you’re meant to be. This year will teach you more about adulting and having to stand on your own two feet. You will be harvesting the fruits of your labor. Your hard work will not go to waste.

Pile 2-(Temperance, The Hermit, The High Priestess, Page of pentacles, The Moon, 2 of cups rx, Knight of cups rx, 4 of wands)

This year will cause you to look within and do a lot of self-work. You’re starting to realize that certain mindsets, habits, and environments don’t serve you anymore. This is your self-improvement era. I see you spending more time by yourself and getting your sh*t together. You’re working to have more balance in your life. I also see you rejecting love offers and may even be in this heartbreaker energy. It feels like you wanna put more focus into the people closest to you and what truly matters. So more power to you! Apply yourself to new subjects or activities that you’d like to learn. I see you really being on your grind with this. This will also lead to an increase in financial opportunities. You’re gonna follow your intuition and inner-knowing more (or you need to) You know exactly what’s right for you, so trust it! Look at the bigger picture in situations. You will start seeing people/situations for what they really are.

Pile 3-(The Emperor, Queen of wands, Ace of wands, 8 of swords, The Hanged man, Wheel of fortune, Ace of swords, Justice)

You will be presented with many opportunities to help you excel in your studies. This will open so many doors for you. You could feel trapped right now, or like you can’t be your true self. Everything will be okay babe. I see a sudden turn of events for you. Many of the cards I pulled have snakes on them, which signify rebirth and transformation. Think of yourself as a snake shedding its skin right now. This is gonna be a huge breakthrough for you. You will have a clear vision of what you want and who you want to be. You’ll see everything from a higher perspective. This new shift will really cause you to toughen up. You will also be more open and confident. I see you having more discipline with yourself and others. You will be living a more structured lifestyle. You’re stepping into a leader energy. Get outta that shell and let you creativity/passions lead you to where you’re supposed to be.

Pile 4-(10 of wands, 8 of wands rx, The Magician rx, The World rx, Knight of pentacles, Ace of pentacles, 6 of pentacles, 9 of pentacles, The Star)

You might be at a point where you feel like you’ve hit a wall. Things might be feeling stagnant right now and as if your efforts are going to waste. Use this time to recharge, because things are about to take off for you! You won’t have time to rest. I heard “booked and busy”. This feels like fame that happens overnight. Maybe some content of yours will go viral or a piece of your work will get noticed by someone very important. This is gonna bring in a lot of abundance for you. I also feel like this is gonna boost your notoriety in your work environment, especially if it’s social media related. Spirit sees how hardworking and committed you’ve been to your craft. This is their reward.

[devondespresso]

Wiggly Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

tagged by @little-annie this Wednesday, @pearynice and @hotluncheddie last time, @queenie-ofthe-void (and hotluncheddie again💕) the time before, and @carolperkinsexgirlfriend the time before that. Thank you guys so much for tagging me even when i can't get to it right away 💖💗💝

Lately I've been kinda swamped with fic commitments and rushing stuff last-minute (my own fault ofc 😅) writing mostly romance, so now im just itching to go back to my platonic stuff! nothing against romance, im enjoying writing it for sure, but god i can't wait to work on my Steve Henderson au again

for now tho the probably-never-to-be-written worms are about Steve bunking with the Buckleys post s4. maybe his parents just never came home, maybe they were there and had a big blowup argument with Steve about leaving, but they're not around now and Robins not about to let Mr Walking-Sepsis-Risk live alone for the apocalypse

in my head i imagine the buckleys house is kinda like max's before s4, a smaller 1-story but cozy, and no guest room so Steve stays in Robin's room.

her parents let them but they're definitely a little wary and a little lost but at least a little used to it, both thanking whatever power they believe in that no matter how freakishly clingy they are now, its still world's better than the violently freakishly clingy stobin was right after starcourt, when both of them looked to be hanging on by a thread and that thread was each other.

so they're like. chill. they plow through an awkward conversation about how bad an idea it would be to be up to something right now with steves injuries and robin sees herself out like halfway through, piling all the old stuffed animal onto her bed and keeping them there for the next week to avoid thinking about it. And Steve, abandoned by his partner in crime, stumbles through his own awkward explanation along the lines of 'you don't have to worry about that, i promise' before joining Robin in her embarrassed cringing-party, featuring notable guests such as Mr. Cat, Doodles, and Floppsy Bunny.

Not much of a plot in my head really, I'm just enjoying all the vague ideas floating around this premise. theres lots of details about Steve and his wounds, like wearing button downs that are easier to put on than pull-overs, Mr. Buckley letting him borrow some when Steve only finds a couple (or when he packs his normal clothes not realizing how miserable itd be to take them on and off constantly to check how things are healing).

Also Steve helping around the house and the Buckley's getting to know him better and not just the Polite Steve that they usually see because Steve couldn't risk his best friends parents not liking him (and because usually robin would go to his house, its a lot easier to sneak out than it is to smuggle someone in, especially with freaky upside down nightmares). Maybe Steve gets to actually joke around with Robin's dad, talk real shit with her mom (maybe about the future, hippie mom offering a different perspective on what life can be, how you can figure things out, just try things even if you don't have a perfect plan)

Steve finding safety not just with Robin, but with Robins family. the four of them growing this sweet relationship, not like a second child for the buckleys but more like a second home for Steve. stobin are firmly strange best friends to me (as opposed to siblings), and i like the dynamic of steve and robin's parents as 'my kids best friend' type stuff, not cause there's any less love but more like they're not trying to replace Steve's parents, they just end up filling in the gaps.

oki tagging presumably for next time (tho if you guys wanna do it late anyway you go for it, time isn't real wahoo): @marvel-ous-m @momotonescreaming @puppy-steve @lightoftheseraph @lingeringmirth

@writing-kiki @eriquin @scriptorbemi @sourw0lfs @soaringornithopter

@solarmorrigan @eddiethebrave @steddiecameraroll @imfinereallyy @yabakuboi

@kikidoesfanfic @tinytalkingtina @hairstevington @stellarspecter @sunflowerharrington

[elulsdr]

WHAT DO PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU?

PILE 1 PILE 2 PILE 3

hey guys, it's my first pac ever so i would love to have your feedback. this pac also has random messages too rather than what do people think about you.

it's mainly about the messages i got. i hope it resonates⭐️ (i swear i'm better at personal readings LMAO)

PILE 1

people think you're very self oriented and love to have the power over them. maybe you have leader qualities and they can see that. i'd say they think you're more likely to choose logic over emotions. they think you're def the overthinker one. they know you know you're worth and know when and what to say something. they can feel that you like to be seen as cold hearted and powerful. in your head being numb equals having power. people think you're very materalistic as in, whatever you wear you make it seem expensive. people think you're very soft inside but don't let a lot people in. sometimes they can sense that deep down you're really insecure and they can see the other side of you. where you're not sure of anything you do, you don't trust yourself enough. sometimes you come off as really complex and a lot. you seem to be stuck on something. you want to let it go but can't really do it cause you get used to it. so that's why people can sense your imbalance energy. you could be indecisive or air headed these days. still, people know you have the strength to get over it. you could intimidate people at first but when they see the real you -which you dont show it to many they love it. maybe you got hurt on the past, that's why you put a mask like that. you could be very obsessive, and passionate about the things you love. you come off as competitive too.

PILE 2

oooh my broken heart pile.. if you recently gone through a breakup, doesnt matter if it's romantic or friends. people see youve been thru ALOT. you show it to everyone whether youre aware of it or not. people can sense the broken energy. you keep trying to explain your feelings? or what happened between you and the other person and they're like, can she move on already?? but it's cruel to think like that. cause i feel like this relationship somehow connected to your inner child. maybe the relationship helped you with healing your inner child that's why you felt those emotions that hard. people think you're sensitive and a romantic. everything i said was in the past, your energy now seems very refreshing and stepping ahead. also i have a really bad headache rn, are u ok? take care of your health and make sure you sleep enough. you have many sleepless nights. anyways, people see your steps to a better life. although you might got addicted to the new me concept and ignore everyone who tries to help you or tries to talk to you. you're like, i don't want your help i've been by myself all this long i can take care of myself from now on. they are a bit annoyed by this. they think you're a bit stubborn. DEF a hopeless romantic. don't try to burden everything and try to move on with your life asap. take your time to heal. and take people's help -only the ones who really care tho. aww i just got the 3 of swords. pls keep your precious heart safe bby. your love is enough and you will find someone that loves you as much as you love them. (wow pile 2's photo says the exact same thing, i didnt mean to do that lol)

PILE 3

hey pile 3, why do you feel so alone even if you're out with your friends? you like to ask people for advice but somehow you don't trust them as much as you trust yourself. i mean good for you but people -maybe your friends can tell that you're faking your feelings sometimes? maybe you feel the need to be happy around everyone even if you feel like shit. they can tell that. there's this person you are stuck on. it seems like you arent able to let them go. people really wonder about you guys. you could be a heartbreaker too. you and your friends are sarcastic people. people could get annoyed by the fact that you guys have fun lol. people think you have it all and you will have it all. they dont like the fact that they cant get a piece of you, your space, your time. it's like, there are people who want you but you got someone else on your mind who you seem to cant have. you like to learn more and more. you're very smart and people like that. but there's just this unknown people love about you. you have the friends, you have the grades, you have the face but what is it that makes you sad(?) and broken? people wonder the shit out of this lmao and you don't give them a chance to understand it. you tend to zone out a lot during the day and your thoughts makes you go nuts. people just seem to curious about you. they don't know enough. the more you don't give them the chance the more they wonder. people feel that you have tons of other shit to do than answer their questions. they know they don't deserve to steal your time like that.

[thelittleliars]

Darkness

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts

Words: 902

A/N: I wrote this for my OWN comfort. Depression sucks and I know no matter what I'll always have to live with my it for the rest of my life. This all is just wishful thinking, the way I'd want it to go away even tho it never will. Pls don't see this as me romanticizing depression or any other mental health issues/disorder.

The dark days always hit you hard. The darkness crept upon you as if you hadn't seen the signs but you had seen them. You just couldn't do anything to stop it so you stopped wasting your energy on that and let it happen. Though during the days you always hoped for the next day to be better. It never was. At night all the Demons & Monsters were lying next to you in bed wide awake thinking about all the things you couldn't change. 

Mornings were incredibly hard for you as you could never seem to get up and often question if you still got the guts to keep waking up. When you did get up and were among people in public you hid every part of yourself so no one would see how close to the ledge you were about to jump off from.

A bunch of times followed where you were close to simply get hit by a bus or leaning too far over the railing of a skyscraper. It never happened, it made you even more miserable and at some point it seemed as if even death didn't want you. 

You sat once again on a bench at the Central Park consumed by thinking shallow thoughts that kept you somehow still afloat. Friends were long abandoned, you hadn't reached out in days if not weeks. You couldn't bring yourself to care them, not if this darkness robbed you of ever little strength you had left, you also had no mental capacity for yet another living creature.

Someone had sat down next to you as you were digging yourself your mental grave, you did not notice them, at least not until you felt the first snow flakes falling against your skin. It was Natasha Romanoff, your supposed 'home'. Only supposed home since you didn't feel the feeling of home for a long time now. You had once pushed her away from you. It was something you regretted but never made an attempt to make up for.

"Sharon called me." She started which not explaining further since she knew that you'd know exactly the reason why. "Shit sounded bad so I tracked you down. Was surprised at how good you became at disappearing." You did not utter a single word. Natasha knew you wouldn't answer, most times when it all got too much you turned semi verbal or even nonverbal. "Let's get you to your apartment?" She stood up and held her hand out for your to take. You didn't want to go, sitting there in the cold gave you a sense of comfort that you longed for. "We can watch a movie or simply lie in bed while staring at the stars we hung up on your ceiling." You were hesitant with putting your hand in hers since the lump in your chest felt only heavier. You dreaded to go 'home'. The single reminder of your bedroom reminded you that those four walls had seen too much already and that added more suffocation to your existing pile. 

At your apartment you seemed to crumble even more into yourself. How much more falling into the deep was possible? You didn't know, still hoping that the bottom would come soon enough. The deep bottom you thought would come and wished it came, didn't come, instead a steadiness of the dark arrived, you believed this was your bottom of this awful 'phase'. 

One night of staying with you turned into fully two weeks. Natasha basically moved back in with you. At first she wasn't so sure if it would be worth it but then she really thought about it and came to the conclusion that it was worth it, you were always worth it. As hard as it were for her, she knew how much harder it must had been for you. She single handly saw how at the end you were. You didn't even had the energy to push her away anymore. 

Night after night she laid quietly in bed with you. Day after day she helped you cooking, doing the dishes, changing clothes and if it was an extremely bad day she helped washing your body and hair. On a day you felt better yet still awful, you bought her flowers and her favorite alcohol. You were grateful for her and everything she did for you. She soon became a reason for you to start fighting the dark again. This time you were hopeful that things could get better. And they did, extremely slow for your liking but you couldn't complain, not after surviving your demons and monsters. 

Natasha stood by your side of every step you took. She even went to therapy with you when you told her you wanted to try it. She made sessions lighter until you were comfortable enough to go alone. Looking back you wanted to cry over how much she sacrificed to help you. You felt guilty about that but she reassured you that she'd do it all over again if she had the chance because it was worth it. You were worth it all. To seeing you smile, to seeing you being you, to gazing into each others eyes, to getting to touch you, to being held by you, to loving you and getting loved by you. 

Sometimes all you need is someone who understands you deeply and helps you simply with their presence. 

[jakeluppin]

A Book Half Unread

teen, 10091 words also on ao3 shout out to @renninflight for reading over this and just all around being Top

Thursdays have become Buck’s favorite day for a few different reasons. One, Maddie and him always have dinner and most weeks she ends up cooking. Two, his boss, Kevin, brings in bagels from his favorite shop down the street. Three, he gets to lead the afternoon storytime and Buck has been getting very good at using different voices for different characters. Four, he really loves it when Maddie cooks.

Five, though. Number five is the biggest reason. Because on Thursdays, Buck gets to see his favorite person in the world: Christopher Diaz. He also gets to see his dad, Eddie, which may or may not be the reason Buck used possibly too much cologne and why he changed his outfit five times today.

Chris has been coming to the library a couple times a week for the last four months or so. Most times, though, he comes with a woman named Carla. But on Thursdays, Chris always comes with his dad. They always come with a large stack of books to return and end up leaving with just as many new ones. Buck figures at this rate, Chris will have the whole library read in five years max.

The first time they spoke, Buck had seen him around a few times already. As one of the children’s librarians (okay, he’s technically not a librarian yet, but he’s months away from graduating with his MLIS), Buck tries to get to know the recurring patrons, but it was soon after summer break had started and they were extra busy so Buck hadn’t gotten a chance yet.

Instead, it was Chris who came up to him, asking if Buck could find a book on becoming a firefighter. Buck immediately drops the books he was reshelving and turns to Chris with a smile and an, “Absolutely I can.” He then asks, “Do you want to be a firefighter then? I really wanted to be one when I was your age.”

Chris laughs. “No, not me. My dad just became a firefighter. So I wanted to find some books to help him be his best. He always tells me if I want to get better at something, I should read and learn more about it. So if I have to do it, he should too!”

Buck can’t help but smile. “Your dad sounds pretty smart. And it’s really nice of you to help him out this way. I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.” They found a few books, adding to the large pile sitting next to Carla, who quickly introduced herself when Buck came over.

Every time Buck saw Chris after this, he would drop whatever he was doing (as long as he wasn’t helping another patron, of course) and go over and say hi and ask him what he could help Chris find this time. Not only was Chris a joy to be around, he also would always ask for books on the strangest topics, which made for a fun time for Buck to try and find so many different books.

Chris would talk to Buck about a lot of things - how school was going, new friends he was making, new video games he was playing. Most of all, though, Chris would talk about his dad. He would talk about lives he saved, fires he put out. The way Chris spoke made Eddie out to be some kind of god. It wasn’t just the things that he did, but also the way Chris would talk about it, the joy, the way he would light up, his voice high-pitch and fast as he would ramble on. A small part of Buck couldn’t help but be jealous, wishing someone would talk about him the same way.

It was about two months after first meeting Chris that Buck met Eddie for the first time. And well, Chris wasn’t far off. If not a god, at least an angel. Buck can’t remember ever seeing someone so beautiful, especially when he smiled.

When they entered, Buck was busy helping a girl and her mom find books on sewing so he wasn’t able to go over and say hi immediately. It didn’t stop him from looking their way whenever he had a chance. With each new glance, Chris would have added yet another book to the pile Eddie was carrying.

When he was finished, Buck made his way over to where he last saw them standing. He only found Eddie, though. Buck was sure Chris was down the next aisle looking for more books. Before he had a chance to say anything, Eddie’s tower of books started to fall. Buck managed to grab the top book as it fell, his other hand reaching up to try and help steady the rest of the books.

“Oh man, thank you,” Eddie said with a sigh. He leaned down and placed the stack at his feet before looking up, his eyes locking with Buck’s. “I swear I’m normally not this clumsy.” He grinned.

“Considering you’re a firefighter, I would hope not.”

Eddie laughed and the sound further confirmed Buck’s god or angel theory. Eddie glanced down and then back up at Buck and said, “So you know I’m a firefighter and I don’t seem to be wearing anything that would indicate I am. So either you’re one of those firefighter fanboys or you must be–”

“Buck!” Chris was back, smiling, and Buck reached out instinctively to offer him a high-five. “Buck, this is my dad.”

“So this is your dad, huh? This is the guy who saved, what was it, a man with a grenade in his leg?”

Chris nodded, the top half of his body bouncing along with. Eddie, on the other hand, looked away when Buck faced him. Buck wondered if he caught him blushing.

“It wasn’t that impressive,” he said.

“I can’t see how that could be true.” Eddie looked up and Buck flashed him his best smile.

“Anyway,” Buck said, clearing his throat and reaching his hand out, “it’s nice to meet you. Chris has easily become my favorite patron. But don’t tell anyone I said that. I don’t think we’re supposed to have favorites.”

“Buck’s the one that helped me find those firefighter books for you,” Chris said.

“That was very nice of you. He was so excited to show them to me when I got home. Said he had the best time and made a really cool friend.”

“Who?”

“You, dummy,” Chris said with a laugh.

“Me? Well that is pretty cool.” Buck smiled brightly at Chris.

“Well, we should probably head out before Chris picks out more books for me to drop.” Eddie leaned down, grabbing the tall pile of books. “It was really nice to meet you, Buck.” He stepped closer to Buck and, in a whisper, said, “I’m glad Chris has found a friend in you.” He pulled away, but Buck could still feel the heat of his breath against his ear.

Buck just nodded, unsure of how to speak, his words failing him completely.

“See you later, Buck!” Chris said, waving.

“Can’t wait!” Buck called out. Eddie turned to look at Buck and smiled. Smiled a smile so beautiful, so sweet, so inviting that Buck knew he was in deep. And knew he didn’t even care.

///

There’s no doubt Maddie is Sick and Tired of hearing Buck talk about Eddie, but he can’t stop himself from relaying his latest Eddie and Christopher Diaz encounter with her the second he arrives for dinner. His jacket isn’t even off before the words, “Maddie, I am absolutely in love,” leave his lips.

Maddie shakes her head slightly, not even looking up from the stove. Not that Buck cares or really even notices, his mind is still stuck a few hours in the past when he managed to make Eddie laugh at a stupid joke. And then of course there was the very slight not exactly hand holding that happened when Buck tried to grab the stack of books but accidentally grabbed Eddie’s hand instead.

So yeah. Buck’s kind of stuck in that moment.

“So, when are you going to ask this guy out?” Maddie asks as they sit down to eat.

Buck’s not sure why the question catches him off guard. He’s been talking about Eddie since he arrived. He’s been talking about Eddie since they first met three or so months ago. So. Why is the idea of asking him out surprising to him? It’s the next logical step, right? Ask out the guy you like for coffee. That’s a normal thing a person does. And yet–

“I don’t know,” Buck mumbles, unable to make eye contact. It doesn’t help that he’s not sure if Eddie likes guys or not. Chris mentioned that his mom passed away before. Other than that, the only other people Chris has ever mentioned in relation to Eddie are Carla and some of his fellow firefighters. It didn’t seem like there was anyone romantic in his life.

But then again, why would Chris tell him that? And Buck has had conversations with Eddie, but most of them have been about Chris. Or sometimes Buck will manage to get Eddie to talk about his latest save. That always leaves Buck’s head spinning and heart racing.

“What’s holding you back?” Maddie asks minutes later. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Buck chuckles because he knows the answer to that question. Eddie could be extremely homophobic and beat him up and also forbid Chris from ever coming to the library again. Not that Buck sees that as a real possibility, but worst case there it is. And Buck does have a history of making worst-case scenarios come true.

“What about your cute firefighter?” Buck says, changing the topic instead of voicing his fears aloud. “That one paramedic you met at the hospital a few weeks back. What was his name? Howard?”

Maddie sighs and then smiles. “What about him? I haven’t seen him since. Unlike you, he doesn’t come to my work every week. Well, he actually might, but not on a schedule where I can plan my time around seeing him.”

“I could ask Eddie about him. See if he knows him. Get his number for you. You two can fall in love. And I will just continue to live vicariously through you.”

“Or you could ask Eddie out and fall in love and I live vicariously through you.” Maddie pauses and then says, “No, wait. We both could actually live our own lives instead. How about that?”

“You’re no fun.”

They continue to eat in silence. Once finished, Buck starts to clear off the table and gets started on the dishes. Maddie starts to put the leftovers away, half for herself and half for him.

“Okay, what about this?” Maddie says, handing him his Tupperware. “You go ahead and ask Eddie about Howard. If he knows him, you are welcome to ask him out on a double date. You and Eddie, me and Howard.”

“And I would do this why?”

“Because you love me.” Maddie smiles bright, in a way that Buck knows he has no hopes of saying no to. He’s stuck. He has to ask Eddie out. Maybe. Kind of.

He agrees but all he can think about is all the different ways he can get out of this. Hopefully Eddie has no idea who Howard is. Buck has never heard him mention the name so maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he knows him and he’s actually a terrible person so there’s really no reason for a double date. Buck might be in the clear.

He lets out a long breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He thanks Maddie for dinner and the leftovers. They hug and Buck leaves. As he makes his way to his car, still thinking of ways he can lie to Maddie about having talked with Eddie, there’s a small part of him, somewhere in the far back of his mind, telling him to go through with it. Telling him that he deserves love too.

Yeah.

Right.

///

When Chris comes in on Tuesday, Buck has a set of books he's already pulled to give to him - books he thinks Chris will find interesting. It’s not something he normally does, but Chris is special to him and Buck loves to do this kind of thing. Chris just happens to be one of the few patrons he feels like he knows well enough to do this for.

“Hey Buck!” Chris says, reaching out for a high five.

They high five and Buck says, “I know how much you love looking around, but I pulled some books already for you that I thought you’d like. You can still look around, but I saw these and thought, ‘Chris would like this,’ so I set them aside for you.”

“That’s so cool!” He starts looking through the stack, eyes wide.

“So Chris, has your dad ever mentioned a firefighter named Howard?”

Chris looks up and squints as he looks at Buck. “Um, I don’t think so.”

Buck nods, filled with a mixture of both relief and dread. Not sure what he expected to feel. But just one feeling at a time would have been nice. At least much easier to understand.

“I’m gonna go look for more books, can you hold onto these?” Chris asks.

“Of course, buddy. Let me know if you need help finding anything.”

Chris wanders over to Carla, seemingly to let her know where he’s going. Carla says something and watches him make his way down the closest aisle. Carla then turns and walks over to Buck.

“Chris says you picked out some books for him already.” The words are simple, a fact, but there’s something in her voice that seems almost accusatory.

“Uh, yeah, I did. He’s not mad, is he? I didn’t want to take away from his experience of finding stuff himself, I just thought he’d like these.”

“He’s not mad.” A pause. Buck feels like there’s more, a but in there. Maybe Carla was mad? Buck is ready to apologize to her when she says, “Chris loves coming to the library, he loves reading. I think most of all, though, he loves coming and seeing you. He says you are the third nicest person he knows. Just behind me and Eddie.”

“Let me guess, you’re number one?”

“You know it.” They both laugh.

“I am glad he thinks so highly of me. But I’m just doing my job.”

Carla laughs. “You’ve done more than that. This is not the closest library to his place. We went to the other one first and a librarian there was, to put it simply, unkind and unprofessional to Chris. He said he never wanted to go back to the library. It took two weeks before I convinced him to try once more and he only agreed to go to a different location.”

“Are you serious? I can’t believe that. Who would ever be unkind to Christopher?”

“I know, I know.” Carla sighs. “It may have just been a bad day for her, but she didn’t need to take it out on him.”

“It just makes me sad because libraries should be a safe place for everyone. But I know they’re not.”

“But this one is because of you.” Carla reaches out and pats Buck’s hand. “And I know Eddie really appreciates it as well. You know, when I saw him the day after you two met, he told me about going and how you helped him with the books. And then he said something like, ‘It’s so great that Chris has someone else he can look up to.’”

Buck doesn’t know how to respond. He’s not even sure if he can, as it feels like there’s something stuck in his throat. He tries to swallow, but it does nothing. Thankfully, Chris is back a few minutes later and Buck helps him use the shelf check-out machine, listening to Chris talk about the books he picked out.

“See you soon!” Buck says, the lump in his throat finally gone. Carla and Chris wave as they walk about.

Buck finds one of the other librarians and lets her know he’s gonna take a beak. He makes his way outside and just starts running. He’s not dressed for running but he has to move, he has to shake the thoughts out of his head while he can.

It’s like this:

Buck is pretty sure Maddie is the only person who has ever really loved him. His parents love a form of him, a version of Evan Buckley, but not him. He’s had relationships, dates, hookups. But nothing real. Nothing where anyone has ever really been close to him. Things always seem to fall apart right before he starts to get close to anyone. Or maybe he’s the one who breaks them.

So. It’s like this:

What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not a homophobic Eddie who beats him up. It’s a loving Eddie, a sweet Eddie, who Buck gets closer to, and right before they can be something, Buck breaks things. He ruins it. Eddie sees Buck for who he is and runs. It crumbles and falls apart right before Buck can have something real, something of his own.

Then, too, there’s Chris. Chris, who is sweet and funny and Buck wants so badly to protect in every way. The thought of ruining things with Eddie also ruining things with him makes his stomach twirl into knots.

Buck eventually stops, unsure of where he is or how far he’s run, but he’s out of breath, his side aching. He leans against a wall, closing his eyes. The thoughts are still there, a swirling cloud of every negative thing Buck has ever thought and ever felt about himself.

He tries to focus on his breathing, square breaths like his therapist taught him. But his breathing is so heavy, so loud, that it doesn't feel like it’s working. It feels like his thoughts are surrounding him, suffocating, taking his breath away. He tries to make his way out, tries to focus on Maddie, tries to think about his favorite TV show, tries to hum his favorite song. Anything to get out the spiral but.

But.

But!

Nothing.

///

When Buck wakes up, he’s sure he must be dreaming or dead or in some sort of alternate reality. Because Eddie Diaz is above him, looking down at him. And Buck can’t think of any reason for this - he especially can’t think of any reason why Eddie’s face seemed to have lit up after Buck awoke.

But then hearing Eddie say, “Buck!” a loud, joyful voice, confirmed that this must be heaven. Not that Buck ever fully believed in heaven but this seems to be proof.

Only there’s something about Eddie reaching out and touching him, his hand gripping tight around his shoulder, that pulls Buck back into reality. He remembers the running, the thoughts, the panic attack. Feeling the hard, cool ground beneath him, Buck realizes he must have passed out. His whole body aches, but nothing too painful.

“Hi Eddie,” Buck manages to say, unsure how long the pause was between Eddie calling his name and his response. His throat feels sore, his voice sounding off. Still, he smiles, because there’s Eddie, right in front of him, with his own smile. Nothing else could be wrong. Nothing else could matter.

“You had quite the fall there, but everything seems to be okay. Well, other than some scrapes on the back of your arm, but those are easy to bandage up. How are you feeling?”

Buck mutters out an, “okay,” which, while true, is far from the full picture. But it’s not like he can say, “I’m feeling sore but honestly I’m just beyond happy that you are here and are smiling as you look at me.”

Eddie’s hand, still on Buck’s shoulder, slides down his arm and into his hand, pulling Buck off the ground. It shouldn't surprise Buck that Eddie is able to lift him up, but the thought still makes his heart race. Probably not a good sign after a panic attack but. Who is he to complain about that?

“Do you know what happened? Did you trip over something?” This time it’s not Eddie speaking, but another firefighter, an Asian man. Buck hadn’t even noticed him on his other side, as he starts to wrap his arm in a white bandage.

“Uh, no, I didn’t trip.” Buck isn’t sure how to respond. He does know what happened, but the idea of talking about having a panic attack in front of Eddie is, well, panic-inducing. Just another one of those things that Eddie could find fault in, could see through to Buck’s core and realize he’s no good.

“If you’re not sure, we can take you to the hospital and have you checked out more thoroughly. But otherwise, you’re medically cleared to go once we finish with this,” he says, waving the bandage.

“No, no, that’s okay. I uh… I had a panic attack.” Buck tries to keep his voice steady, strong, casual, like him having a panic attack is nothing of note. And in some ways it isn’t - seeing as he’s had them off and on since it was seven or so. It’s just a part of his everyday life now.

“Do you have them often? Do you normally pass out from them?”

Buck shakes his head. “I’ve passed out once before, but that was years ago. They just… happen sometimes.”

The other man nods, his eyes holding Buck’s, seemingly looking for something in them that Buck can’t imagine he’ll find. “Well,” he says, finally looking away and back at his arm, “all done here. If anything starts to really hurt, don’t hesitate to see a doctor or call 9-1-1.”

“My sister is a nurse so I’ll probably just show up at her place tonight and beg her to take care of me.”

“Sounds good. It was nice to meet you, Buck.”

“Meet me?” Buck questions. It sounds like a weird thing to say to a random patient of sorts. Or maybe that’s what he always says.

“Yeah, Eddie’s talked about you before. Says you’re Chris’ best friend. Granted, the first time he talked about you, I thought you were also an eight-year-old kid, but I did eventually catch on,” he says with a laugh. He gives Buck a small nod before making his way back to the firetruck.

Buck is surprised to find Eddie still there. Surprised, despite the fact that Eddie is still holding Buck’s hand. But everything has just been so much, so heightened, that Eddie’s touch had just blended into the background with everything else. Like his touch belongs there, like it was also just a part of Buck’s everyday life.

“You sure you’re okay?” Eddie asks. This time his voice is soft, warm. Intimate?

Buck nods, unsure how to make himself speak.

“I gotta head out but… I know your sister is a nurse, but if she’s unavailable or you need anything, you can always call me.” He pulls out a piece of paper and pen and writes his number on it.

Buck takes the offered paper into his hand and somehow manages out a single, “thank you,” as their hands brush once more. Buck’s eyes follow Eddie into the truck and watch as they drive away, Eddie turning and waving at Buck when they pass him.

///

Buck shows up at Maddie’s with take out. He asked her if he could come over, but he hadn’t told her what happened yet. It felt like something best expressed in-person instead of over text. More specifically, in-person over some Thai food and wine.

He lets himself in and calls out for Maddie, placing the food on the table. Maddie comes in just as Buck has finished setting the table. She grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge and the two sit down.

“So, you gonna tell me what happened with your arm?” she asks, pouring the wine.

Buck laughs. “You are not going to believe this.”

“Let me guess, some kid tried to attack you with some child-proof scissors but somehow still managed to cut you.”

“No, I hope that was a once in a lifetime occurrence. But no, I, uh, had a panic attack and passed out.”

“Oh Buck.” Maddie reaches over and rubs her hand on his (unbandaged) arm. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, my arm just got scratched up. Not a big deal. But that’s not the part you aren’t going to believe. It was Eddie, uh, I mean when I woke up, Eddie was above me, in his firefighter uniform. Which, before we get further into the story, I always knew he was hot. There was no question in my mind. But seeing him in uniform? It’s kind of a miracle I didn’t have another panic attack.”

Maddie chuckles. “I know what you mean.” Buck’s sure she’s thinking of Howie. Or maybe just one of those firefighter calendars.

“Yeah, but not only was he above me, looking hotter than ever, he grabbed onto my shoulder, to like, try and wake me up more I think. I was just coming-to and he was calling my name and then touching me and. Maddie, I honestly thought for a second there I had died and was in heaven or something. But then he held my hand to pull him up and he just. Kept holding it as this other firefighter bandaged my arm.

“Then the other guy asked me what happened and I admitted I had panic attack and I would have bet money that Eddie would have left after that. But he didn’t. He kept holding my hand. Then he gave me his number in case I wasn’t feeling well and I needed anything.”

Maddie looks at him, staring intensely for a few moments before saying, “So, he’s obviously into you. You see that, right?”

“You think?” Buck had thought that yeah, maybe Eddie might like him. Unless this was just what Eddie was like with every person he saved? Maybe he kind of flirted with them all, held onto all of them just a little more than medically needed. “Maybe this is just how he is.”

“Did he have a card or something with his number on it?”

“No, he just had a piece of paper he wrote it on.”

“If this is something he does normally or something required as a firefighter, he probably would have cards to give out. But he did that just for you.”

“It could just be because of Chris. He might only care about me for Chris’ sake.”

“Maybe. But I’ve had children patients I have grown close to and none of their parents have given me their phone numbers.”

Unsure of what else to say, Buck mutters a,“Yeah,” and takes a bite of his pad kee mao.

“You gonna call him?”

“No, I feel fine. No need to call him.”

“You could call him and ask him out on that double date. You could call him to say hello. You could call him and tell him how you think he’s the hottest person in the world.”

Buck laughs. “There we go, just a casual, ‘Hi Eddie, thanks for taking care of me earlier. It was so nice to finally see you in uniform. It was so hot. You wanna like make-out or something? Also if you know a firefighter named Howie, my sister would love to make-out with him.’”

“Yeah, super casual, normal conversation.” Maddie smiles and then says. “I just want you to be happy. I know you might not think you deserve it but you do.”

“I am happy,” Buck is quick to say. And he is. Mostly. Happier than childhood Buck ever imagine he would be. He has a job he loves, he’s so close to graduation, his relationship with Maddie is strong, he has friends at work and school, and he has Chris.

Who did he think he was to dare ask for more?

///

The next day, Buck is busy reshelving holds that were never picked up when he feels arms wrap around his waste. He looks behind him and sees Chris. This is the first time Chris (or any patron) has hugged him. When he lets go, Buck fully turns around and says, “Everything okay?”

“Dad said he helped you on a call yesterday. He said you were okay, but I was just really happy to see for myself. Is your arm okay?”

“Yes, my arm is fine. They took really good care of me.”

“Good! I told him if he had messed up and you were actually really hurt I wouldn’t talk to him ever again.”

Buck is amazed and honored that Chris cares so much about him. “I’m glad you care so much, but even if I was hurt, you would still need to talk to your dad. But thankfully I’m okay. Nothing to worry about.”

“Great, then you can help me find books on lighthouses.”

///

With five minutes left on his Thursday shift, there has been no sign of Chris or Eddie or Carla. Buck has started writing texts to Eddie over and over again, asking if everything is okay, but he never sends them. He doesn’t want to seem weird, to highlight how much he looks forward to seeing them each week.

He can already imagine how much Maddie is going to roll her eyes over dinner as he tells her this. She’s going to go on and on about how he should have just sent the text. Or, better yet, she’s gonna say he should have called. And on that call, he should have told him he’s in love or some other stupid idea like that.

(Of course, Buck would never admit to Maddie how badly he wishes he could do exactly that.)

When his coworker, Lucy, comes to take over Buck’s spot behind the desk, he gets up and looks down at the text message he last wrote to Eddie:

Hey! This is Buck. Just wanted to check that everything is okay since you and Chris didn’t come in today. Hope all is well!

He’s added and removed a heart about twenty times. Switched between exclamation points and periods around fifty times. Switched between Chris and Christopher only about a dozen times, though.

With a sigh, Buck slides the phone back into his pocket and heads to grab his backpack from the back room. He makes his way towards the exit when he hears, “Buck!” from behind him.

He turns and there’s Eddie. Christopher isn’t in sight, but Eddie is there, smiling and waving. Buck starts to head towards him and Eddie does the same. They meet and Buck says, “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Buck knows he should be responding but Eddie is looking at him and Buck can’t think words beyond “wow” so he keeps his mouth shut.

“Your coworker said you had just finished your shift. I was worried I’d missed you.”

“Yeah, I was just on my way out. But I’m happy to help Chris out. Where is he?”

“He’s actually not here. I was hoping you could actually help me out.”

“Oh. Of course. How can I help?”

“I was looking for a book on dating. Well, specifically something on how to properly ask someone out. I haven’t really done that since Christopher’s mom died.”

“Well, I can take you to where you might be able to find some books, but I wouldn’t have any specific recommendations. Unless you wanted something written for teens.”

Buck’s not sure how he managed to even speak, the thought of Eddie asking someone out makes him feel lightheaded. But something about being at work made all the difference. Buck could almost always keep his mind focused when he was here. It was only after he left that things would start to fall apart.

Eddie laughs. “No, I know how it worked as a teen. I tried that already, being subtle, dropping hints. It’s just not working.”

Buck’s heart is in his stomach. “Maybe you just need to ask her to go steady.” He tries to make his voice light but it feels sharp, especially saying “her.” Just another reminder that it’s not him. Never him. How could it be?

“How old do you think I am? Do I really look old enough that I ever asked someone ‘to go steady’?”

“I mean, you’re definitely a few years older than me, so…”

Eddie reaches over and gives Buck a light shove but he’s smiling. Buck stays in the moment and is surprised to find that Eddie does too. They just look and smile and Buck knows he should say or do something but he’d rather just be here as long as Eddie will let him.

“So, book recommendations?” Eddie says sometime later. It was probably no more than thirty seconds but Buck couldn’t say for sure either way.

“Right.” Buck looks away, his mind starting to wander again. Rapid. Fast. Thoughts everywhere in a way he feels unsure how to slow down.

“Well, uh, you know I actually have to go meet my sister and, like I said, I’m not as knowledgeable about our adult section so I’m sure someone else would be better off helping you. Malcolm is probably a good bet - he’s a great librarian and also seems to date a lot. So. Yeah. Sorry.”

Buck starts to turn and walk away. He quickly turns back and adds, “Hopefully see you next week. Tell Chris I missed seeing him today.”

And before Buck can second guess himself, before he gives Eddie the chance to ask him what the fuck is problem is, Buck is rushing out the door. He heads in the direction of Maddie’s hospital, thinking she may still be there. And that’s a closer run than all the way to her house.

When he gets there, he finds Maddie packing up her things. He doesn’t even say anything, just pulls her in for a hug.

“Tough day?” she asks, rubbing his back.

“Yeah. Eddie likes someone else.”

Maddie pulls away and gives him this look like she wants to ask a million questions. But before she can, Buck says, “Can we just talk about another time? I don’t want to get too worked up.”

“Fine, but you’re not leaving tonight until you’ve told me what happened.”

Buck sighs. “Can we have something stronger than wine for dinner then?”

“Whatever you want.”

“You really are the world’s best sister, you know that?”

“Yeah, pretty sure I got that title back when you were still a kid."

“True, but I’m all to happy to continue to remind you anyway.”

///

“So, let me get this straight. Eddie asked for a book recommendation about asking someone out on a date. And you ran away.”

Buck groans. “It sounds dumb when you say it like that, but yeah.”

“Sweetie, it’s gonna sound dumb no matter how it’s said,” Maddie says with a laugh. They’re sitting on her coach. Buck is on his third drink, while Maddie is still on her first.

“I just… The thought of helping him ask someone else out on a date was too much. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to. And normally with work stuff, I can manage to deal with whatever emotions are happening. But I don’t know if it was since I was technically off the clock or what, but I just couldn’t.”

“You do realize you acting like this is only going to continue to hurt your relationship. Like Buck, you literally ran away when he asked you for help.”

“I know, I know. I messed up. I get it.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to get at. But you know why you and I have a great relationship and why neither of us have a great one with mom and dad?”

“Because they suck?”

“Well, yeah.” Maddie laughs. “But more importantly you tell me things. I tell you things. You open up to me about how you’re feeling and what’s going on with you. And it’s that openness that brings us together. So if you want that kind of relationship with someone else, you have to be willing to do the same.”

“So I should just go up to Eddie and say, ‘Hey, I’m in love with you and also I have severe anxiety and abandonment issues.’ I don’t quite see that going over well.”

Maddie sighs. “How many times are you going to jokingly tell me how you’re going to profess your love to Eddie instead of just… talking to him?”

“I know. I know. I’m a grown adult and I need to figure out moving past my years of trauma. It’s just hard.”

Maddie reaches out, touches his arm. “I know. But it seems pretty clear to me Eddie likes you. I mean, who knows? Maybe you’re the person he wants to ask out on a date.”

Buck can’t help but laugh at that. “Then why wouldn’t he just ask?”

“Are you serious right now? Mr. Oh-I’m-Too-Scared-To-Tell-Eddie-I-Like-Him has no idea why someone wouldn’t just ask another person out.”

“That’s different. I’ve got all that trauma, remember?” Buck says with a small smile.

“Well, maybe he does too.”

Somehow, Buck honestly had never considered that before. He’d been so caught up in his own stuff that it never occurred to him that Eddie probably has his own, too. His wife died. That alone has got to trauma inducing.

“So what you’re saying is maybe both Eddie and I are a little fucked up and that’s why we are not currently making out right now?” Buck pauses, letting out a long breath. “Wow. Trauma. Talk about a real cock block.”

Maddie rolls her eyes and hits him with a pillow.

///

Buck spends most of his weekend working on papers and thinking about Eddie. He may or may not have written his name on one of his papers as “Buck Diaz.” Thankfully he noticed the mistake before he submitted it.

“What am I, a teenage girl?” he texts Maddie after this. And then: “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just need to do something so I can think properly. Or at least a little more properly.”

Maddie replies with the word, “Finally,” in all caps, along with a gif of the old lady from Titanic saying, “It’s been 84 years…”

“I’ll tell him next Thursday, okay? So you better be prepared with an amazing dinner and way too much alcohol to help mend my broken heart.”

Maddie simply hearts the message. Buck wouldn’t have said no to some additional encouragement or support, but Maddie has already given him so much. It’s not like she could send just the right gif or say something new that would magically make Buck feel completely safe in this decision.

Buck has never been the most safe person. As a kid, he was always putting himself in danger to get attention. He’s broken bones, dislocated his shoulder more than once. Part of him still thinks its a bit of a miracle he’s even alive. Part of him never thought he’d make it past twenty-one.

But that’s different, isn’t it? This is his heart. And since Maddie left for college, Buck has been slowly building a wall around it. Not that he blames Maddie for that. Or at least not anymore. But once she was gone, it was just easier to close himself off, to hide behind who other people thought he was. No one can reject the real you if they never know it.

///

Other than a few hours Friday morning, Buck isn’t back at the library until Tuesday. His shift is later than normal, too, so he’s not sure if he’ll see Chris or not. It’s been almost a week since he saw him last and that is far too long.

He starts his shift by walking around the children’s library space, picking up books that have been left behind. He’s only a few minutes into this when he spots Chris and Carla at the shelf checkout kiosk. He makes his way over, happy to see them if only for a few minutes.

“Wow, looks like you got some really cool books here,” he says when he reaches them.

Chris turns around and with the biggest grin says, “Buck!”

(There’s something about Chris being so happy to see him that makes Buck’s heart ache. The idea of someone being happy to see him feels Too Much but also better than anything in the world.)

“You weren’t here yesterday. Or Friday!”

“And you weren’t here on Thursday,” Buck counters. “I was here on Friday, actually, but just in the morning. I had a lot of school stuff this weekend so I took a longer weekend to get it all done.”

“So you spent all weekend doing school work? That sucks!”

Buck laughs. “It wasn’t too bad. If you to get the point I’m at with school, you really only take classes that you are interested in. So most of the time it’s actually pretty fun.”

“You mean I won’t have to take math if I don’t want to?”

“That’ll depend on what you want to study, but if you don’t want to, you can plan around it.”

“Did you hear that, Carla? No more math!”

“Yes, but you’re not there yet. So we probably should head home so you can finish your homework up.”

“If I finish everything, can I have ice cream?”

“What do you think your dad would say?”

“I think he would say I deserve it for being the best.”

Buck can’t help but laugh at that. “See you tomorrow?” he asks as Carla finishes putting the books in a bag.

“Probably not, Chris has a couple doctor appointments after school. But I think Eddie was planning on bringing him on Thursday.”

Thursday. Right. The day he’s supposed to tell Eddie he likes him. Part of Buck was hoping Eddie would just never show up again.

“See you on Thursday then, Chris. And hope to see you soon as well, Carla.”

Chris waves enthusiastically before taking off.

Carla holds back a second and then says, “Take care of yourself,” and gives him this look that feels like she can see every part of Buck. Like she can see his anxiety, his fears, his worries. But also his joys, his love, his passion. All of him.

And for some reason Buck doesn’t seem to mind.

///

Buck’s Thursday morning class, Young Adult Literature, is spent mapping out possible conversations with Eddie. He doesn’t want to sound rehearsed, but if he can at least think through some initial ways to respond to any type of reaction, it will be less likely that Buck will completely freeze up. And that would not be ideal if it happened.

By the time his class is over, he’s managed to come up with responses such as, “It’s okay you don’t feel the same. I understand. I hope we can still be friends,” and “I promise, I have no plans to turn Chris gay. I am not even gay. I’m bisexual. But that won’t be talked about with Chris. Please do not stop him from coming to the library.”

What he hasn’t managed to is come up with a response if Eddie says he feels the same. It feels so unlikely, so impossible, that Buck can’t seem to imagine anything further. (Well, other than simply imaging himself tackling Eddie to the ground and making out with him. (But that would not be a great idea since this was going to happen at work and he really didnt want to lose his job.))

As he makes his way to work, he gets a text from Maddie saying, “You got this!” Buck hard disagrees but doesn’t respond.

He gets in early and grabs a bagel in the break room. He sits down and pulls out his notebook and reads over his messy responses. They all feel so wrong. It feels like he’s setting himself up for failure, stuck with only seeing the worst outcomes.

Turning to a blank page, Buck writes on the top, “Eddie likes me too,” and instead of figuring out what to say in the case, Buck allows himself to imagine anything that could happen in the future. Messy bullet points of what could come next.

The double date he promised Maddie.

Spending more time with Christopher, going to the park, to the movies, playing video games at his house.

Holding hands Eddie for real this time.

Holding Eddie.

Kissing Eddie.

Eddie attending Buck’s graduation.

Chris and Eddie joining his Thursday night dinners with Maddie.

Making them breakfast after sleeping over.

Moving in with them.

Being in love.

Being a family.

Buck looks over the rough list, thinking over all the things he could have if he just let himself. He rips the paper out and folds it up before placing it in back pocket. Despite being literally just a piece of paper, it weighs heavy on him as he makes his way out to the floor.

When he sees Chris, the weight seems to add. When he spots Eddie ten feet away with a small stack of books, the weight feels almost too much. Buck looks at the front door and wonders if he should just run for it.

But.

But.

What would that do? How would that help him? The weight would still be there every time he sees Chris, every time he thinks about Eddie. He would be caught in this, weighed down. Drowning.

Instead, he makes his way over to Eddie. Eddie, who smiles at Buck when he sees him. Buck’s heart is racing so fast that he wonders if he’s going to pass out again. Maybe this time he can just pass out right into Eddie’s arms and cut out the middleman.

Instead, he reaches Eddie and gives him the biggest smile he can. He had thought out so many different ways to tell Eddie how he feels, had jokingly practiced different ways with Maddie. He wanted to start by apologizing from running out on him a week ago, wanting to explain what happened, where he was coming from. Explaining that and then telling him how he felt.

Instead, he simply says, “I like you.” A small pause. “A lot.” Another pause. “Like, romantically.” And Eddie is looking at him but Buck can’t seem to make out the expression, can’t seem to understand what he is feeling. Buck thinks through all the possible negative responses he had imagined, trying to place what Eddie is going to say.

Instead… Well, instead Eddie starts laughing.

Which was not something Buck had prepared for.

Buck stares at him, unsure what to do. Does he leave? This is obviously bad. Buck is about to walk away when he hears, “What’s so funny?” behind him and sees Chris there.

Eddie is still laughing as Buck says, “I’m not really sure,” which is only half true, but he’s not going to offer up his feelings and risk Chris laughing at him as well.

“Fuck,” Eddie says a second later, finally no longer laughing. “Sorry,” he adds, although Buck isn’t sure what the apology is for. Him laughing at Buck? Him swearing in front of his kid?

“Chris, could you give us a minute? Maybe pick out a movie for us to watch later?”

“Okay, but when I come back you gotta tell me what was so funny.”

Eddie nods and the two watch as Chris walks off. Buck prepares himself for what comes next. Eddie tells him that he doesn’t feel the same. Eddie tells him they’ll never come back here again. Eddie tells him no one could ever love him.

Instead:

“I didn’t mean to laugh,” Eddie starts out when Chris is out of earshot. “The whole thing just caught me off guard so much that it just kind of happened.” A pause and then he continues, “I’ve been trying for months to drop hints that I like you. Last week, when I tried to get a stupid book recommendation from you on dating, I had thought books were something you understood and either the book itself would help or as we talked about it I would figure out how to tell you directly. Or it would just finally slip out.

“I thought after giving you my number and you not reaching out I was out of luck. But Chimney, the guy who bandaged your arm, swore he could tell that you liked me. I didn’t believe it, but I thought I’d give it once last chance. So I did the book thing. And obviously that didn’t go over well so I was just gonna give up on it. On you.”

“So me telling you I liked you was funny because you were so sure I didn’t.”

“Basically. Yeah.”

This time Buck can’t help but laugh. “I was so sure you didn’t. I felt like it was obvious I liked you because, I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t? So if you liked me, you would have just asked me out. Like, why not?”

“Because of Chris… He thinks the world of you and if I asked you out and you weren’t interested, I didn’t want that to mess up your relationship with him.”

“And I didn’t want to ask you out because if you weren’t interested I didn’t want you to keep Chris from coming back here. I didn’t want to lose him, too.”

“Well that was dumb. Even if I didn’t feel the same, there’s no way I would have stopped Chris from coming here or seeing you. You matter too much to him.”

“And I never would have messed up with my relationship with Chris if I hadn’t liked you. So I guess we’re both kind of dumb.”

Eddie laughs. “I guess so.”

“So now what?” Buck asks a moment later. He’s looking at Eddie, earnest, open, desperate to find what comes next.

“Well… if it’s all right with you, I am going to reach out and hold your hand until Chris comes back here. And then maybe we could grab dinner when you’re done with work?”

“Yes, please,” Buck says reaching his hand out towards Eddie. While this isn’t the first time their hands have touched, it’s the first time that Buck has realized just what it actually means. And it feels… electrifying and scary but also warm. Comforting.

“Shit, actually, about dinner, though. I have plans with my sister. She always makes dinner for us on Thursday and, although I know she’d more than understand if I ditched, I don’t feel like doing that to her. Especially since without her I would never have told you how I felt.”

“Oh really? You gotta tell me how I can thank her for that.”

“Well, actually, do you know a firefighter named Howie? He came into her hospital a while back and she has a bit of a crush on him.”

“Not only do I know him, but so do you. Chimney’s real name is Howie. But wait… Is your sister a nurse named Maddie?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Because Chim’s been hung up on a nurse named Maddie for weeks now.”

Buck laughs, shaking his head. It feels like one of those big of course moments where everything seems so clearly obvious you can’t help but wonder how you missed it. “Okay so double date then?” he offers.

“Sounds perfect.” Eddie leans in, his face probably close to Buck’s than it should be when he’s working, and then adds, “As long as I get to spend some time alone with you after.”

Buck just nods before somehow managing to pull away. “So what are you going to tell Chris was so funny?”

“Shit, I have no idea. You better come up with some really funny joke.”

“You think he’s gonna be okay with this?” Buck asks, his voice small.

“More than okay. He keeps asking me when you can come over and whenever we go somewhere he asks if you can come along.”

They’re both too busy looking at each other to notice Chris has made his way back before he says, “Why are you holding hands?”

“Uh… because we wanted to?” Eddie says. Buck stifles a chuckle.

“You guys can do that later. Right now I need Buck to help me find more books. He’s my friend right now, not yours.”

“You’re so right, Chris,” Buck says, letting go and moving towards Chris. “Let’s go find some books.” As they walk back, he glances back at Eddie, whose lips are pursed together, holding back a laugh of his own.

///

Between the two of them, Buck and Maddie have changed their outfits a total of twelve times. Chimney and Eddie will be there any minute and Buck is without a shirt and Maddie can’t seem to find any shoes that match her dress.

When the doorbell rings, Maddie ushers Buck to answer, even though he’s the one half naked. Still, he answers the door and beckons them in.

“Guess I’m over dressed,” Chimney says as they step inside.

“Sorry, just running behind a bit. Maddie should be out shortly. I’m gonna finish getting dressed, but make yourself comfortable.” He motions over to the couch. “You guys need anything?”

“Yeah, can I use the bathroom?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, it’s just down the hallway over there.”

“You wanna show me?”

“Uh… yeah, sure.” Buck leads Eddie down the hall, not completely sure why. It’s very easy to find the bathroom, but he’s happy to help however he can.

When they reach it, Buck is about to turn around and leave when Eddie pulls him inside. He closes the door and before Buck can say anything, Eddie has lifted him up on the sink.

He leans in and kisses along Buck’s jawline. He pauses, his lips inches away from Bucks, and says, “I really thought I’d make it through at least most of the date before I had to kiss you. But then I show up and you’re shirtless… Was that intentional?”

Buck laughs. “No, I was just having a hard time picking out what to wear. Not that I’m complaining,” he adds.

“Good.” Eddie’s voice is hoarse and Buck can feel his breath hot on his skin. Their eyes are locked until Buck can’t take it anymore. He leans forward and kisses Eddie.

There are times when you’ve thought about something so often or imagined it too many times that the real thing can’t compare. Like the ice cream shop Maddie and him used to go to as kids wasn’t as good as he remembered it being when they were back last Christmas. Or like when Buck started his first graduate school class, it was a lot more boring than he had imagined it would be.

But kissing Eddie wasn’t that. Kissing Eddie was everything and more. Kissing Eddie felt right in ways Buck hadn’t even known existed. Kissing Eddie was, simply put, perfection.

Buck is breathless by the time they pull apart. His heart is racing in a way that almost worries him, worries he’s about to have another panic attack. But it’s not that, not the same. And when Eddie starts kissing down Buck’s neck, he feels grounded, solid, safe (even as Eddie bites just so (causing Buck to groan)).

Somehow Buck manages to say, “I should probably finish getting ready. Or we’ll miss the reservation.”

“You sure you want to do that?” Eddie asks, pausing between each word to kiss him, his lips so light against his skin.

“No,” Buck admits. “But we do kind of owe Maddie and Chim, don’t we?”

Eddie laughs and Buck can feel it vibrating against his skin. “I suppose you’re right. I’ll meet you out there.”

Buck jumps off the counter and says, “I’ll be sure to have a shirt on by the time you come out,” with a smirk.

Eddie rolls his eyes as Buck closes the door behind him.

///

None of the shirts Buck has with him cover the marks Eddie left on his neck. But somehow Buck doesn’t mind.

Epilogue.

It’s graduation and Buck feels dumb in his graduation robes. He’s just grateful that alphabetically his name will be read close to the beginning and once that’s done, he can take them off.

It feels surreal when they call his name and he walks across the stage. He looks in the audience and sees a small cluster standing up and cheering him on. They’re a little blurry at this distance, but Buck is fairly sure he can make out Chris on his dad’s shoulders.

As soon as he can, he makes his way over to them. Maddie is the closest and the first one to hug him. “I am so proud of you,” she says and Buck knows she means it. He wouldn’t be surprised if she, too, didn’t think he would make it past twenty-one. And yet!

Chris is still on his dad’s shoulders when Eddie comes over. Buck gives them a hug, his arms around Eddie’s back and Chris’ legs. Eddie can’t really hug him back, but Chris wraps his arms around Buck’s head.

“So what’s the plan?” Buck asks once he’s pulled away.

Eddie, maneuvering to get Chris back on the ground says, “Last I heard, Carla has broken into your house and is making dinner. I think Chim and some of your friends from work were coming over as well.”

“So does that mean we don’t have time to stop for ice cream?” Buck asks.

“Ice cream!” Chris calls out. “There’s always time for ice cream.”

Eddie sighs. “Guess we’re getting ice cream. You wanna join, Maddie?”

“I told Chim I’d meet up with him before dinner. I’ll meet you then.” She walks over and gives Buck another hug. “I’m sorry mom and dad didn’t come,” she says, voice small.

“It’s okay,” Buck says as she pulls away. And it is. Mostly. Part of him wishes they were here, wishes they cared enough about him to understand what a big deal this was. But others did. And maybe that was enough.

///

Dinner is, of course, amazing. Carla is a phenomenal cook and it was clear she went all out on this meal. Beyond that, too, everyone is chatting and happy and Buck’s apartment feels so alive in a way he’s not used to.

When Buck finally has a chance, he sneaks away to his room for a minute alone. He goes over to his desk and opens the top drawer and finds a worn out, folded piece of notebook paper. He unfolds it and finds the “Eddie likes me too,” list. Since he first wrote it, he’s been marking things off as they’ve happened.

The double date he promised Maddie.

Spending more time with Christopher, going to the park, to the movies, playing video games at his house.

Holding hands Eddie for real this time.

Holding Eddie.

Kissing Eddie.

Eddie attending his graduation.

Chris and Eddie joining his Thursday night dinners with Maddie.

Making them breakfast after sleeping over.

Moving in with them.

Being in love.

Being a family.

He grabs a pen and crosses out, “Eddie attending his graduation.” He looks over the last few items. He’s sure moving in, if it does happen, is still far off. Even though Buck already spends about half of his time there.

Buck remembers marking off, “Being in love,” as soon as he came back from that first double date. Not that he needed to wait that long. He could have just as easily crossed it off as soon as it he wrote it.

“Being a family,” feels far too soon as well. It hasn’t been that long and the last thing Buck wants to do is feel like he’s taking up space that doesn’t belong to him.

But maybe. Maybe it’s not that far off. It was Chris and Eddie who were there today when Buck’s own parents couldn’t have bothered to come visit. They were the ones to arrange this little party. And Eddie’s the one who has told Buck over and over how much he means to him.

And Buck’s not sure what exactly it means to be a family. Other than Maddie, he’s never really had one. Maybe he’s way off, maybe he’ll never really find it.

But this, this, feels like family.

And Buck realizes that’s enough.

[skzstanforeversposts]

Chew toy ~

Lee: Bangchan Ler: Minho

explenation: What squeaks? Chan. What also squeaks? Chew toys. And what plays with chew toys that squeaks? Cats. And whos a cat? MINHO.

warning! Teases, Chan is upset and emotional, plus some small nibbles and raspberries <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chan sighed, using his last strength to finally be done with the song, checking the clock to only reveal the light of the words 'three AM' on it with a groan.

He regretted even going to italy with the other members at this point, wishing he just could have lied that he was sick. BUt now, here he was, stuck with a pile of work that only he could take on.

He hasnt told any of the other members about it tho, becayse he didnt want them to feel bad for leaving him with so much work.

He was alone in the studio, Han and Changbin had stormed out earlier that night because Chan was so stressed and tired, that he regrettably took it out on them.

Chan began feeling so overwhelmed, and slowly but surely, tears started to roll down his pretty face (he is so pretty tho, no joke-). His plump lips formed into some sort of pout, before letting broken sobs break thru them.

He lowered his head, feeling the weight of everything pressing him lower and lower into the deep darkness of sadness, he felt like he was somehow drowning without being able to breath.

But then, a sort of hope appeared from the door to the studio, in form of an angry looking Minho. He was probably there to curse out Chan for hurting Hans feelings, which he pretty much did.

"I cant even belive you right now!-" Minho began, ready to go on a rant. But instead, he stopped. His face turned into a mixture of confusion and concern at what was infront of him. Chan looked at him, his voice weak and his face filled with tears and puffyness

"Im so tired..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Minho was sitting on the couch, the older in his lap, sipping on some iced coffee from a straw. He hasnt spoken since what happened before, which was only just twenty minutes ago to give him a break.

The dancer didnt even know what to do either, just slowly rubbing Chans back while humming to him soothingly. When Chan seemed calm enough, he began speaking

"So, you wanna tell me whats happening now?" His voice was calm, but also stern, showing that he wasnt playing around with this and wanted answers.

"I..i guess i just got so overwhelmed by all the sudden work, i couldnt handle it..." Chan sighed, feeling like he sounded pathetic for not being able to do what he has done for years.

The younger hated it when Chan was like this, too stubborn to ask for help from the others, and then feeling bad for not being able to handle it. Bangchan may be the oldest, but he could be such a little child sometimes.

Minho decided to set a stop for this once and for all, knowing that another meltdown like this could put Chan in a really bad spot with his own mental health. His hands that were rubbing the elders back turned into claws, and he began to scratch up and down instead, making Chan twitch and lean from side to side. Fine, if he was gonna act childish, why not use childish methods to stop it.

Minho leaned his head to Chans neck, speaking into his ears while continuing his little soft scratches. "Whats wrong, big baby? cant handle some little scratchies?" Man, Minho could be a brat sometimes.

Chan began twisting from side to side, trying to soothe one side, only for it to get worse for the other side. He let sound some small giggle like sound, which sounded better than music to Minhos ears. "mhmhm..it tihickles, Minho..."

Minho chuckled, loving how cute his very annoying but weet leader could be. he began turning on the action, digging his nails into the space of Chans sides, tasering the fleshy skin to pull some loud and clear laughter from him. "Ahahahaha!- Plehahahahse, i cahaHAHnt tahake IhiIT theheEHEre!..."

"Too bad, love~ This is a punishment for being a child, for hiding how youve been feeling these past few days, and for taking more than oyu can handle~ Its a tripple win, if i may say so myself~"

Minho teased in a bit of a mom voice, his hands going higher to find the small crevises between his ribs, making sure that all five of his fingers got in there on every side. Chan began twisting and squirming, letting out his iconic squeaks which he alwasy got embarassed about. "Pleahahase stahahahp! Ihihim sohohory, plehahahse thihihis is embahahrasihihng!.."

Minho grinned, loving how Chan was such a muscle giant, but still had one of the most cute laughs in the group. "Aww, youre like my very own chew toy, 'squeak,squeak!' am i right?~" Chans face heated up, and his loud laughs turned into embarassed snickers, the squeaking following him either way like a shadow.

"And do you know what cats do to chew toys?~" Minho asked, knowing what was about to happen. The tickling kind of mushed Chans brains, making him let out a curious "whahahat?" while still giggling. Minho answered in a voice that quickly sent a shiver down Chans spine. "They chew."

Minho quickly bit down on Chans neck, while also shoving his hands onto the spot where the olders thighs met his hips, squeezing that spot with favor while also nibbling and blowing the loudest raspberries he could onto Chans neck.

Chan went insane, feeling like he might die in that moment. Tears ran down his face again, but not from sadness, but from happiness and smirth. He wierdly didnt feel like he was suffocating anymore, he felt free, and able to breath. "NOOOHAHAHAHAHAH! GAHAHAHAD PLEHEHEhAHAHASE NOHOHOHO! NOHOHOT THEHEHAHAHAHAHA!"

Minho winced by the volume of the older, feeling like a siren was placed right on his ear. But he smiled thru it, digging his fingers deeper into the death spot. "Whos a perfect squeaking leader and a lovely person!?"

"MEHEHEHEHEHE!" Chan screamed out, the tears straining hid neck and the collar of his shirt.

" And whats your name!?" "C-CHAHAHAHAN!" "NO your full name!" Minho teased, pushing in even deeper and blowing the loudest adn sloppiest raspberry he could muster up. He wasnt the best at it, but it seemed to work because Chan was howling like a dog.

"CRIAHAHAH- CHIHIHISTOHOHOFER BAHAHANGCHAHAHN!!"

"And who is Christofer Bangchan!?"

"A-A PEHEHEHERFEHEHEHECT SQUHUHUHUEHEHAHAHKY LEHEHAHAHDER AHAHAHND A- A LOHOHOVELY PEHEHEHRSOHOHOHON!!!! NOHOHOW STAHAHAHP!!!" Chan screamed out, his voice hoarse and his face red from having a hard time breathing.

Minhos hands slowed to a stop, and he used his cheeks to wipe away all the saliva from the raspberries off of his neck. Chan slumped against Minho while panting, his weight making both of them fall down onto the couch.

"Now, remember. You said those words because its true, and not just yo get out of tickling, right?" Minho asked in a fake stern voice, gently scratcching at his side. Chan giggled weakly, pushing his hand away before burrying his body against the youngers. "yehehes..i mehant them all..."

"Good, now, wanna go home and apologize to Han and Changbin?.." Minho asked Chan, pwtting his head affectionetly. Chan wanted to do that so badly, but he wrapped his arms around MInho, closing his eyes.

"Can we just stay like this for a while first?...Just an hour,please?..."

Minho Chuckled at thw cute antics off his leader. He wrapped his arms lazily around Chan, and they both slowly fell asleep like that, all alone and in silence, showing each other how much thye loved one another.

"Whatever you say, best leader..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------And done! I am so happy about this one, becase this is excacly how i think Minho would tickle Chan if he ever had a day like this! <3

Hope you all like this, i kinda suck at writing teases, so if you wanna help me you can show me some good ones that i can use in most of my fics that im definetly gonna write! (not because im a lee that loves getting flustered, i swear! This is for help only, i pinkie promise!).

Bye everyone, eat well, sleep well, and get those tickles you want!

-Lina <3

[milequaritchsslut]

Jealousy is your enemy

Summary: After patching up your friend, Neteyam can’t help but get jealous

Warnings: Cuts, jealousy, bruises, yelling, angst

part 2 part 3

You were in the tent with Ronal Helping out and taking care of the injured warriors who had gotten hurt during the last raid. Your mate Neteyam had flown out with Jake for another raid a few hours ago. You sometimes worried for him since these raids could get very physical. You saw firsthand how some of them went down since you patched and healed the warriors of the clan. You were helping out a young Na’vi male. He had a very severe Cut on his back and on his hip from the last raid and had to come in weekly to see you so you could mend them.

His name was Rawpi son of the best gatherers in your clan. He was very young for a warrior but he was one of your best. He was also very handsome and talked about a lot since he had just finished the rituals for becoming a full adult to the clan so the women would talk about who he would mate with. He was very kind to everyone especially you. He’s been having weekly check ins for about a month now and you two have become very close.

He was always making jokes with you that you’d laugh at. Your mate Neteyam had noticed how close you two he gotten and despised Rawpi for it. Neteyam didn’t get jealous easily but Rawpi would maybe put a hand on your shoulder when he’d laugh or when you would patch him up he would look into your eyes for a little too long. You never noticed these things since you did have a mate and loved him very much.

Today was different when Rawpi came in he was a bit early with a severe cut on his face when he came in this morning. As he sat down you looked at his face inspecting the wound “Rawpi what was it this time” you laughed as he explained “I was hunting with my friends in the early morning we were messing around with the hunting arrows and Aounug threw one to me and it scraped my face” you rolled your eyes in annoyance as you were touching it.

“Ah!” He winced

“How bad does it hurt?” As you moved away from his face.

“It only hurts when you touch it y/n” he watched you as you looked for your disinfectant in your supplies

“It looks pretty bad to me Rawpi you need to be careful!” As you got a disinfectant to wipe the blood

“Yes yes I know 🙄” You took his face in one hand to signal him to look to the side.

“So has your back been feeling?” You wiped the disinfectant on his face.

“It feels much better thanks to the great Y/n!” He smiled causing you to smile back.

“I’m happy, I think you might need stitches tho”

You noticed how tense he got from that comment. “I promise to be very careful as I always am Rawpi” “It hurt very bad last time Y/N” “don’t be so Irresponsible next time then”.

“I promise” he flashed a quick smile to reassure you he was being honest

“You better Rawpi” you walked up to grab the stitches from the back room. The supply storage was a huge room only the Tshaik and her helpers could go in. It had massive Piles of Supplies. It was guarded by a tree bark almost like bamboo made door. The shelves were also made of the strong tree bark. You walked to find the stitches. You grabbed the box and walked out. All of a sudden you heard the siren for the Raid Party Coming back. You had to stop yourself from running and going to see Neteyam since you had a client waiting patiently but you knew you were going to suprise him later.

You had set up a romantic dinner date on another island for you and your mate. You knew how hard he was working so you wanted to surprise him. You knew how much he hated suprises but you loved giving them to him but he was always grateful for them. As you walked back you saw The warriors coming back from the raid unsatting their animals through the slit from the huts curtains. You sat down and put the supplies next to you on your mat.

You started reading and cleaning the supplies as you saw Neteyam walk in with minor cuts and bruises on him. You made eye contact and smiled. He smiled back walking over.

“Ma Y/N i was looking for you” with a dissatisfied face

“I am sorry love I’m stitiching up Rawpi” Your eyes looking at Rawpi then Netayam.

Rawpi waved a friendly hello. Neteyam just scoffed. “Teyam go get patched up we can talk later” You pointed over to another nurse if the clan. He walked over but never taking his eyes off you and Rawpi. He hated the way Rawpi looked at you with such want and need. He wanted to be the only one who could look at you like that. He was everything you ever wanted and nothing could ever change your mind about that you loved him to the moon and back and even more then that. But sometimes he jealousy couldn’t see that. He looked at Rawpi with such rage he could hardly contain himself but he wasn’t about to make a scene in front of the whole clan.

You got back to taking care of Rawpi. You cleaned off the needle to stitch.

You held the stitch right next to his face “Ok now I want you to breathe deep breathes in and out ok” he nodded in agreement as he breathed deep. You poked the needle in and started stitching. What you didn’t notice was Rawpi eyes on you the whole time watching your every delicate movement. He was trying his best not to move for you he didn’t wanna annoy you with his pain.

“Last stitch almost done” you reassured him as you put the last stitch in.

You leaned back admiring your work you had only done stitches a few time before this so you weren’t amazing at it but you did pretty good. You held Rawpis face in your hands to check for any infections of any kind. Neteyam stared you down the whole time not even noticing the nurse trying to get his attention. The Na’vi women snapped in front of his face he turned to look at her “oh uh sorry” he said looking back at you and Rawpi.

“Ok I’ll see you next week Rawpi be safe and don’t get into any trouble!” You bid him farewell as he got up. You looked over at Neteyam to see he wasn’t there. You had the morning shift today so you got off early. You got up and put away all the supplies you used and said goodbye to Ronal and the other girls. As you were walking to your shared pod you say Kiri and Roxto walking down the beach.

“Kiri!” You ran up behind her and Roxto and hugged her from behind.

“Omg y/n!” Kiri giggled and turned around to hug you face to face.

“I never see you anymore where have you been Y/n?” She was right you really never saw anyone anymore or had any free time. You were always with Ronal practicing your techniques or helping the new mothers with their children. You got home almsot every night tired and fell asleep almsot right away. You felt bad since you and Neteyam harldy saw eachother anymore but that didn’t put a strain on your relationship. You still had date night every week and you lived for those nights. You and Neteyam would take your ilu’s and go a picnic on an island not to far from yours. You 2 would switch off on who would plan it every week.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so busy With Ronal lately we never hang out anymore!” You sighed letting go of the hug

“Yk Neteyam was just asking about you Y/N he seemed pretty upset” you tilted your head in confusion

“What really? He seemed fine when I talked to him”

“I think he went to your pod go check on him Y/N we can talk later” she gave a reassuring smile to you as her and Roxto kept walking down the beach. As you came to the front of your pod you opened the shades to find Neteyam sharpening a hunting knife while sitting on your mat. You walked over sitting next to him with your head in his shoulder

“What is wrong Teyam?” You said softly tracing circles on his arm

“Nothing” he huffed in annoyance.

“You do not seem like yourself have I done something to anger you?” I let out a sigh waiting for his reply

“It is nothing important” He replied after a long silence

“You are lying tell me Teyam” you sat up moving to sit in front of him to hold his hand.

He looked down at your intertwined hand then at you. He let out a sigh “it is just I don’t like the way Rawpi acts to you” he looked away in embarrassment.

As you cupped his face “Rawpi is just a friend do not worry”

You reassured him giving a kiss to his hands.

“You are wrong I see the way he looks at you he is looking for a mate and he thinks you feel the same”

“Well he is wrong I do not want Rawpi I want my mate that I love and care for everyday I don’t want him I only want you Teyam” looking at his face he looked up to meet your eyes. You brought his hand to your face to nuzzle into. You smiled wanting a smile back but only getting met with a scoff.

As he looked to the side “He is not worthy of you Y/n”

Your smile dropped quickly only having to respond with “I do not know what you want me to do Teyam we are mated isn’t that enough?”

He looked up as he raised his voice “no it is not I do not want you to talk to him he is a skwang!”

You looked at him with shocked eyes he had never yelled at you before. He’s gotten angry but hes never yelled at you.

You stood up looking down at him with a loud voice “Do not raise your voice at me neteyam”

He stood up now looking down at you “I CAN YELL ALL I WANT Y/N”

You looked at him with only disbelief that he was talking to you like this “DO NOT BE LIKE THIS TEYAM I DID NOTHING WRONG”

“YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID Y/N I DO NOT WANT YOU AROUND THAT NA’VI ANYMORE”

You looked at him all you could see was the fury and jealousy in his eyes.

“YOU KNOW WHAT RAWPI WOULDNT TREAT ME LIKE THIS”

He looked at you in disbelief he couldn’t process what he just heard come out of his mates mouth he was so mad his vision wasn’t even clear.

“FINE THAN GO TO YOUR LITTLE RAWPI WHO YOU LOVE SO MUCH THEN Y/N” as he pointed to the door

“FINE I WILL THEN TEYAM” You scoffed as you stormed off to god knows where

Ok guys idk if this is good or not I hope you like it i might make a part 2 but I would love some feedback cause I don’t love this but lmk thanks guys

[magicxc]

Call On Me

Pairings: Idris Elba x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1523

Warnings: Exhibitionism, Fellatio, Choking

BBJ Masterlist

“C’mon angel, put it in all the way.”

“Idris, it wont fit and I’m not about to make it either.”

“Just let me help you push it in, you’re not doing it right.”

“No, cause then it’ll stretch.”

“It’s elastic, so it’ll snap back.”

“We’re still here daddy, I can just get another size as opposed to destroying this one.”

“I mean if you want your jeans to fit like sweatpants, then go for it.”

“You’re so dramatic, it simply doesn’t fit, and you’ll love me either way; sweat pants or not.”

“I mean yeah, of course but it’s drip or drown; and if you're gonna be with me, then you’ve got to be drippin.”

Sometimes it’s best to ignore him. God knows I love my boyfriend, but I can’t with the shit that comes out of his mouth. It’s like somebody teleported him back to 2017 and he’s readjusting to the present life. 

Albeit fashion is a big deal to Idris, I’ll give him that. But I, for one, value comfort over everything. It’s just one of those things we’ve come to meet in the middle about, though he’ll still try and rearrange my wardrobe if given the chance. 

“Idris, can you add this to the ‘maybe’ pile in the corner please?”

Taking the pants from me, he neatly hangs it up in the corner of the room, uttering how even tho my clothes aren’t dripping, he can be.

“Oh my goodness,” I laugh. “Really? Tell me you’re joking.”

“Now why would I do that mhmm? In fact I remember a time when stargazing in public was on both of our bucket lists.”

“Yes, in the car or under a moonlit beach not the damn mall,” I gushed. “Idris nothing about this says private.”

“Is that not the point of PUBLIC stargazing,” he enunciated.

Ahh yes, stargazing - an act in which one can observe the many stars of the galaxy sometimes as a hobby or sometimes for scientific research. Of course our star gazing meant something vastly different. Even though we didn’t need a telescope to see them, there was still that warm and fuzzy feeling when they did appear. 

You see Idris and I have a thing for code words. It’s used mostly when gossiping about people or situations. But recently it's become a fun new way for us to describe sexy times in front of others. 

How real would it be to blurt out amongst your friends that you just want to take your lover home and become one with the sheets? I’m sure they’d understand but I’m not tryna let people know every time I want my back blown out. So instead we came up with a way to state our intentions without having to dance around certain words. 

For example, Sunday dinners with the family goes something along the lines of 'do you want to go stargazing afterward?' Similarly to how it's socially acceptable to tell your loved ones that you and your partner are trying for a baby but not that their pussy turns into a mini day care every night; except our family hasn’t quite caught onto the the fact that neither of us so much as own a telescope; though I fear it’s only a matter of time until they do. 

I’m not as sexually daring as Idris but I refuse to punk out of this. He thinks that I’ll back out of stargazing simply because we’re in a public place where people can hear us? Let's be clear, I absolutely would, but the way my competitive nature is set up, I’ll stargaze with him. Shit, he better be ready to see the milky way too, cause I’ll be damned if I don’t make him cry for me. 

“You know what daddy, drop em,” I demanded, chin pointing toward his pants. “Gone ahead and give me something shiny to see.”

To say that he was shocked would be an understatement, bug eyed and eager as he runs his tongue across those juicy lips. He doesn’t let that falter him for long and makes quick work of the buckle of his pants. And my God if that action isn’t my personal little aphrodisiac. 

Knees hitting the floor, I watch in awe as his dick springs free, pre cum slowly dribbling from the tip. 

“You this wet already for me?” I tease. “Tell me exactly how you want it.”

“Use your mouth.”

“Nuh uh, use your words,” I insist. 

“Start by getting the tip nice and drenched for me angel,” Idris lamented. 

Inching closer to the head, I open my mouth and spit on it, watching intently as it trails down to the floor. 

“Now what?”

Smirking, he asks me to drain his balls entirely and I work on doing just that. 

Gathering the tip of his penis in my mouth,  I use the wetness to help me suction him. Cheeks hallowed and teeth tucked, I make sure to maximize on his sensitivity; tongue twirling around that mini slit lined at the head. 

His thighs quake ever so slightly, which only pushes me to suck in earnest, making sure to keep the tip nestled against my tongue. 

Fingers cradled behind me, I lock them together, opting instead for hands free head so I can really talk my shit once we’re done. 

Deciding it’s time to show some love to the rest of his lengthy member, I slow my ministrations and softly run my tongue along his shaft; tracing each thick and hardened vein - starstruck at Idris’ skin, a rich shade of chestnut. 

This part always gives me some trouble, but I’m willing to sacrifice a little comfort if it means I can hear him sing for me; and quite frankly he’s not doing enough of it. 

Bobbing my head steadily, it takes a minute for me to gain some traction, mouth now sliding along his dick with ease. His hips start a slow thrust and I bounce my head a little quicker, twisting from side to side as I do so. 

Finally, it’s drenched enough for me to take the entirety of him, stopping only when I reach the base of his shaft. His dick is properly lodged down my throat and I do everything I can to breathe through my nose, slight gagging noises making its way past my lips. 

As quiet as he tries to be, the harsh hissing that meets my ear encourages me to make quick work of him, bobbing in short, rapid successions, listening intently as his groans turn into quiet moans. 

Face planted against his coily pubes, they’re trimmed to perfection, the tropical notes of his coconut body wash lingering inside my nose. The deep, onyx color glistens with a mixture of precum and spit, similar to that of stars littered against the never ending black hole of space, as they softly tickle my cheeks.

Dislodging him completely to take a much needed breath, the cool air feels icy against my drool ridden chin. Tears brimmed at my eyes and pussy clenching against fabric, this dressing room is fixing to see way more than just changing of the clothes. 

“You wanna cum?” I taunted. “Make those pretty noises for me and I just might let you.”

Dick jumping in anticipation, I decide to head down south and give a little love to the overlooked - his ball sac. 

Slurping them in my mouth, I swish them around, mapping over the textured skin. His girthy member sits on my forehead, wet and dripping; adding to the soaked mess down under. 

I get a light hum in return and suction him to a the very fine line of pleasure and pain. A breathy moan follows and his hand soon finds itself planted at the root of my scalp. 

Thankfully he cant see the smirk that lines my lips and I give his balls a few more swirls before I set them free with a loud pop. 

“Haaaah”, is the desperate whine that I hear above me, but somehow I need more. 

Dick once again at the bottom of my throat I remove it until I get to the very tip and slam it back down again. 

“Just like that daddy, keep it up and I can make it real good for you.” 

*slurp*

“What’s my name? Huh? Let these bitches know who’s making you quiver like the slut you are.”

*slurp*

“C’mon and cum for me like I know you can, Idris.”

The fingers once tangled in my hair soon find themselves wrapped around my throat, squeezing me with just enough pressure to remind me how little control I actually have here. And while it was fun while it lasted, feminism doesn't exist with his hand around my neck. 

“Open wide for me angel.”

Tongue slithering past my teeth, I lay it flat for a full display, watching intently as he jerks himself to the finish line and in my mouth. 

He shouts his release, a little higher in pitch than I expected, chanting my name like the prayer it is. 

“Now close your mouth and swallow like I know you can,” he grunted.