#Genya and Sanemi | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rainbowfey · 3 months ago

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22 "Wait, you love me?" - "I always have."

@flufftober

When Sanemi’s mansion appeared at the end of the street, Genya slowed down until he had stopped walking. The familiar pressure in his chest grew bigger and for a moment, he struggled to breathe. He had not been back to Sanemi’s estate since an incident where Sanemi had clearly shown him that he did not wish to speak to him. Ever since, Genya had not seen Sanemi even once and for weeks, he had dreaded the moment where they would meet again. Thus, it had come as a rather shocking surprise when his Kasugai crow had told him that his next mission would lead him to Sanemi’s mansion. For a while, he had contemplated relaying the message through his crow that he would not follow this particular order. But then, he had gathered all his courage and decided to go through with it. After all, Sanemi was still his brother even though he could not stand Genya and probably never had since they had been children.

Genya took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders before he started moving again. However, he could not bring himself to walk quickly and thus, he meandered along the street, stretching it as much as he could. But even the longest path had to end at some point and sooner than he liked, he arrived at the gate in the fence surrounding the mansion. The gate was closed and instantly, the hope that it would be locked stirred in his guts, giving him a good excuse to leave without further investigation. Almost smiling at that prospect, he reached for the handle.

The gate swung open without a hitch. Genya stared at the definitely unlocked and now open gate and cursed silently as his hope was shattered. He grimaced and uncomfortably shifted his weight from one leg to the other. He looked up to the sky, hoping to see his Kasugai crow come for him to tell him that he could leave again but except for a few fluffy clouds, there was nothing in sight. Miserably, he looked down at the package in his hand. The order had said very specifically that he was to deliver it to Sanemi personally, so he was not even able to just set it down somewhere and make a run for it.

Genya sighed and clutched the package when taking the first step through the gate. Even though the package was the very reason as to why he even was in this situation, it was also the only thing he could hold onto right now. His legs felt shaky when he walked further onto the estate, leaving the gate behind. Each step took him farther away from the street leading back to safety, his only refuge. He nervously glanced around and listened intently for any sign of Sanemi but the estate lay eerily quiet before him. He gulped when he realized that this would only prolong this situation and suddenly, he almost hoped to hear Sanemi’s aggressive snarl somewhere close as this was his only way to get out of here quickly. But since everything stayed silent, he did not have much of a choice than to walk to the front door of the mansion and knock, hoping that he would leave the estate in one piece later on.

When Genya had reached the door, he hesitantly lifted his hand and carefully knocked at the wooden door. Only once, then he quickly took a step back, fearing the worst. His heart started beating faster when he heard footsteps behind the door and almost without noticing, he pressed the package against his chest as if he could hide behind it. When the door opened, he took a deep breath and his chest felt like it would explode at any moment now. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

“Genya-kun! What a surprise to see you here,” a voice exclaimed that sounded way warmer than Sanemi was even able to.

Both relieved and disappointed at the same time, Genya opened his eyes again and met the gaze of an attendant. It was a woman, wearing the typical uniform that showed her to be a Kakushi. While her mouth was covered with the usual Kakushi mask, her brown eyes smiled at him warmly and a faint memory stirred in Genya’s mind. If he was not mistaken, he had seen her before. Maybe she was even the attendant who had ushered him out after his last confrontation with Sanemi, treating his wounds and taking care that he got away without being seen. He remembered her kindness and when he now looked at her, he felt the lump in his throat lightening a bit.

“I am here to deliver a package to … Shinazugawa-san,” he said hesitantly. “I have to hand it over personally.”

The attendant nodded and looked at the package in his hands curiously. “Of course,” she said in her friendly voice. “Shinazugawa-sama is not here at the moment but I’m sure he will return in a few hours. How about you come in and wait here?”

Genya flinched and quickly shook his head. He did not dare to imagine how Sanemi would react if he got back to his mansion just to find his detested brother sitting in his living room. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he mumbled.

But the attendant did not seem to take notice of his reluctance. Instead, she held the door open for him and motioned for him to come in. When he hesitated, her gaze softened and she calmly said, “How about you wait in the garden? Would that be a compromise?”

And to his surprise, Genya found that this indeed sounded a lot less intimidating. Slowly, he nodded and her eyes lit up. “Follow me then,” she said enthusiastically and waved him closer.

The path to the garden led them through a part of the mansion and even though his heart still thundered in his chest, Genya curiously looked around, taking in the sight. As he had expected, Sanemi did not seem to be in favor of decorations or knick-knacks but to his surprise, there were quite a few plants that did look well taken care of. Of course, that could also be due to the diligent attendant but Genya was surprised that Sanemi tolerated plants in his personal space. Even more since some of them were very obviously flowers. Somehow, that did not fit into Genya’s image of his brother as flowers seemed gentle and soft while Sanemi was as hard as stone.

When they reached the garden, the attendant gestured to a spot where he could sit down. A wooden porch sat between the house and its garden and since the porch was still under the roof, Genya would be shielded from any wind and rain there. Not that that would be necessary as today the weather was particularly mellow, almost as if it wanted to soothe Genya. With a grateful nod, he sat down and braced himself for a long wait.

It took a while for his heartbeat to finally calm down. The neat garden did help calm his nerves and after a while, he almost forgot his fear of the confrontation in his wake. At one point, the attendant popped her head out of the door and asked him whether he would like to eat or drink something. He politely declined and she disappeared, only to come back with a cup of tea anyways. She handed it to him, giving him a friendly wink. “Good for the nerves,” she said under her breath and Genya could not help but smile back at her nervously.

The time flew by and before he knew what had happened, the sun set on the horizon. With the fading light, Genya’s nervosity came back and he fiddled around the now empty cup. For a moment, he hoped that Sanemi would not return this evening but if that was the case, the attendant surely would have let him know. So, he started counting the minutes, growing more uneasy with each moment that passed. But everything stayed silent.

When Genya finally heard voices in the house behind him, he flinched violently and hastily grabbed the package he had set down next to him. His heart hammered in his chest and when he heard heavy footsteps coming closer, his stomach tightened and he felt like he was about to throw up at any moment now. He desperately pressed a hand against his mouth and swallowed hard when he heard the door behind him opening.

The footsteps came to a halt and Genya did not dare to turn around. Only when he realized that Sanemi would certainly consider this behavior disrespectful did he force his body to move. He quickly got to his feet, staring at the ground intently as he bowed deeply.

“I am here to deliver a package,” he said quietly, hoping that his voice would tremble less than his body did. When Sanemi did not reply, Genya held the package out with both hands, still lowering his head.

The seconds of silence seemed to blur into a small eternity while all he heard was his blood rushing through his ears and quiet, steady breathing a few steps away. Then, the silence was shattered by the sound of the door sliding open again.

“I have prepared dinner for you, Shinazugawa-sama,” the attendant said in her friendly tone and Genya froze. “Since it’s too late for young Genya to walk back through the forest alone, I have prepared a portion for him too.”

Genya managed to suppress his gasp just in time before it could leave his mouth. He wanted to scream and run away but his body did not react at all, leaving him frozen in place. Bile made its way up his throat and he desperately pressed his lips together.

When Sanemi did not say a word, the attendant walked towards Genya. From the corner of his eye, he saw her setting a tray down on a narrow table, positioning the dishes neatly before she looked up and smiled again. “You should have your meal while it’s still warm.”

That was what tipped the scales and suddenly, Genya’s voice worked again. “I … I should get going,” he stammered, shooting her a pleading look.

“Nonsense,” she said firmly. “And now come here and take a seat.”

Her tone did not allow for any protest and with a sense of impending doom, Genya cautiously set down the package on the porch and followed her order, sitting down, his gaze still fixed at the ground.

“You too, Shinazugawa-sama,” the attendant said politely but insistently. And to his bewilderment, Genya heard footsteps coming closer slowly. The floorboards of the porch creaked when Sanemi sat down. The attendant beamed at him and nodded. “Good. And now enjoy your meal.”

And with those words, she bowed politely and retreated back into the mansion, leaving them alone. Genya’s ears were ringing and he struggled for breath. Everything in him wanted to get up and run away but he knew that would be a grave mistake. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll just get going now.”

“No.”

The word came out of nowhere and hung in the air between them, growing until it almost suffocated Genya. His hair stood on end when he hesitantly asked, “N- no?”

Sanemi heaved a deep sigh and his voice sounded exasperated when he repeated, “No. She’s right, you can’t leave now. It’s not safe.”

“I’ll be fine,” Genya stammered, instinctively backing away. “I can handle it.”

Sanemi huffed and Genya froze at the familiar sound. “Yeah, I’ve seen how you handle things,” he said, his voice full of disdain. “You are going to stay here for the night. But tomorrow morning by sunrise, I want you gone.”

“Yes, Sir,” Genya muttered, feeling entirely miserable. His whole body tensed up when he felt Sanemi moving next to him, but Sanemi just pulled the table a bit closer.

“Eat,” Sanemi said curtly and pointed at the tray which held two portions of each dish.

Genya looked down at his hands that were still trembling. He knew that if he reached for one of the bowls now, Sanemi would notice it. But if he did not follow Sanemi’s order, he was risking even more. And thus, he plucked up his courage and cautiously took one of the bowls, praying that he would not drop it. From the corner of his eye, he saw Sanemi looking at his hands but he stayed silent. Instead, he slowly started eating, not paying Genya any further attention.

With a weird mixture of relief and fear, Genya looked down at his bowl and the lump in his throat grew. While his stomach did feel hollow, he was fairly sure that he would not manage to eat even a single bite without having to throw up. His heart started pounding faster again while he pleaded with his body to not give up on him.

When he realized that Sanemi was looking at him, his heart stopped. “What are you so afraid of?” Sanemi asked harshly and Genya flinched.

He did not know what to say as Sanemi would probably not take too kindly to him revealing the truth. Hastily, he wracked his brain for a possible explanation but nothing came to mind and the bowl he stared at helplessly also did not reveal any magical solution.

“I’m not going to harm you,” Sanemi said after a while and Genya winced when he realized how accurately Sanemi had read his mind.

“But you tried to last time,” Genya blurted out and pressed his hand on his mouth when he realized what he had said. The urge to flee grew until it was almost overwhelming but he stayed frozen in place, the bowl trembling in his other hand.

For a moment, Sanemi stayed quiet. Then, he nodded. “I did,” he said curtly. “But I’m not going to try again.”

Genya paused and asked himself whether he had heard the words right. He set his bowl down, careful not to break it. And when he spoke, the word came without him thinking about it. “Why?”

Sanemi stayed silent for so long that Genya started to think he would not reply at all. But when he also set his bowl aside and spoke up, his voice sounded strangely tired. “Because I realized that it’s too late. You have chosen your path and I am not able to change that anymore.”

Images flashed before Genya’s inner eye. He still saw Sanemi’s face in his nightmares, pale with rage as he stormed towards Genya, two fingers outstretched, aiming for his eyes. The tone of Sanemi’s voice now did not want to fit in with those memories and Genya’s mind started swimming. When he had told Sanemi that he had started eating demons, he had expected a reaction. Maybe surprise, bewilderment even, probably also a bit of anger. But he had not expected Sanemi attacking him like that. How in the world could anyone ever expect something like that, even from a person that hated them?

After the incident, Genya had thought about it every single night, lying awake and staring into the dark. At first, he had thought Sanemi had wanted to kill him. However, there would have been more than enough more convenient ways to do so. And after long and hard thinking, Genya had come to the conclusion that Sanemi had went specifically for his eyes because he wanted to blind him. But why he had tried that had escaped Genya. Until now.

“You wanted me injured so badly that I can’t be a demon slayer anymore,” he said slowly when the realization sunk in. His heart stopped and for the first time, he looked up and met Sanemi’s gaze. The look out of his dark eyes paralyzed Genya and he held his breath, waiting for a reaction.

Sanemi looked at him, his face entirely blank. But then, he sighed and shrugged. “It did not work,” he said, his face still unmoving.

Genya stared at him, trying to grasp what could have led Sanemi to this attempt. “I … why did you want to do that to me?” he asked quietly, his heartbeat slowing down until it felt like his heart would stop beating at any moment. If this was the moment of truth, he had to use his chance to find out once and for all.

Sanemi stayed silent for a while. His gaze wandered over the dark garden and for once, he seemed almost calm, unsettlingly so. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded strained, sending a shiver down Genya’s spine. “I can’t watch my brother go down that path.”

Genya’s head shot up and he stared at Sanemi with wide eyes. In his ears, faint memories of Sanemi’s voice rang when he hissed at him that they were not family. “You said you didn’t have a brother,” Genya said, casting his caution to the wind. “What changed?”

Sanemi sighed and when he looked back at Genya, his face darkened. “Nothing,” he said curtly. “After tomorrow, I don’t want to see you again.”

And even though Genya was not surprised at these words, his heart ached when he looked at his older brother, his pale face so familiar and so foreign at the same time. When he blinked, he saw a younger, happier face for a moment and the pain in his chest grew until it took his breath away. He could still see a younger Sanemi smiling at him, ruffling his hair. But then he blinked another time and the world turned dark again. The fair features turned into rough, hard ones, no hint of that kind smile left. The lump in Genya’s throat grew until it suffocated him. “Why, Sanemi?” he asked and his voice broke.

Sanemi closed his eyes and for a moment, Genya could see the pain in his features as he grimaced. When he opened his eyes again, he straightened his shoulders and stared into the night. “You don’t want to see a person you love seal their own fate,” Sanemi said. And when he turned back and looked at Genya, his voice sounded cold. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you die. If you want things to be this way, you’re on your own.”

And while Genya heard his voice, four words echoed in his mind. ‘A person you love’. The world shattered around him when he looked at his brother. “Wait,” he whispered, his vision blurring, the world washing away until Sanemi’s face was all he could see. “You love me?”

And when Sanemi looked at him, Genya could see the anguish in his eyes. “I always have,” Sanemi said hoarsely, his gaze burning into Genya’s eyes. “And that’s exactly why I can’t watch you go down.”

Genya’s face felt cold when a single tear ran down his cheek. And when he looked at Sanemi, he felt small again, like the child that had sought shelter in his brother’s arms when it got scared. “I’m sorry, aniki,” he squeezed out and quickly wiped the tear away. “I’m so sorry.”

Genya looked down, desperately trying to regain his composure as more and more tears blurred his vision, running down his cheeks uncontrollably. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to find something to hold onto as the pain ripped him to pieces. When he heard a movement next to him, he flinched and hunched up his shoulders, trying to shield his head.

And then, a hand touched his back. Hesitantly at first, then firmer as it grabbed his shoulder and slowly pulled him closer. And when he felt an arm wrapping around his shoulder, he broke. Pushing his fear aside, he threw himself at his brother, clinging to him as if he was his lifeline. Sanemi froze under his touch, his body growing stiff. But then, he heaved a deep sigh and softened, pulling Genya into an embrace. “We’ll make it through this together, Genya-kun.”

And for the first time in years, Genya felt safe again.

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