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oraclekleo · 10 months

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Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky Tarot Reading

Disclaimer:

All celebrity readings have purely entertainment nature

I don’t know any of the celebrities personally

Don’t base life decisions purely on tarot readings

I can never guarantee any of what’s said in the reading

Feedback: Feedback is very important for content creators and for me it’s even more important. Please, let me know whether the tarot readings resonate. If there’s anything you dislike or find off about my readings (like wording, topics, focus), just tell me. I don’t want you to write 1000-word feedback, very simple comments will do for me to stay motivated. I don’t know why I have to keep repeating this but this is something I do for you, guys, and when I don’t feel motivated to do tarot readings, I have many other things to do. The more motivation I get, the more readings you will get to read. The logic is very simple but it’s two sided.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Requester: /

Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Spread: Kinky

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirty Secret

Celebrity Info:

Full Name: Park Ji Hyo

Stage Name: Jihyo

Group: TWICE

DOB: 01/02/1997

Blood Type: O

MBTI: ESFP

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Chinese Sign: Fire Rat

Life Path Number: 2

Masterpost: TWICE

Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky

Spread / Question: Kinky Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Position - XVIII The Moon

This particular card depicts the legendary Rusalka - a beautiful maiden luring people (often men) into lakes or rivers where they drown. The connection with Jihyo might be that she’s actually pretty deceptive in a relationship. It might be caused by her being deceived and lied to many times in the past and so she learned not to show her cards to her partner right away. She might play a certain type of girlfriend role in the beginning, portraying a gorgeous woman like the Rusalka on the card but under the surface, there are the bare bones of her true personality. Her true self might actually be much more beautiful than what she shows but she is likely to be reluctant to share. Jihyo might be a bit detached and secretive in a relationship, keeping her partner in suspense. That can make them feel like stumbling in the dark and it’s probably not going to build a solid base for a mutually rewarding relationship. Jihyo might need to first renew her trust before she is able to genuinely bond with someone.

Libido - IV The Emperor

There’s no other card in a tarot deck that would signal dominance this powerfully. The Emperor card is likely to tell us that Jihyo is the dom in the bedroom. She has trust issues with her partners so it’s not surprising she wants to be in control. She is likely to keep things in order and even structured so there is no space for improvisation. Her wild nights are likely to be scheduled and she expects her lover to attend or have a really good excuse at least 24h in advance so she can schedule her backup activity for the night. Jihyo is likely to have high standards and expectations and it’s also possible that she hasn't been satisfied every time with her lovers in the past. She’s very likely to be prepared for that, too and once her lover fails, she’s pulling her toys out of the drawer to finish the job properly. The underperforming lover is likely to be asked not to show up again. Jihyo is a busy woman, she’s got tight schedules and she’s responsible and highly efficient, she’s got no time to teach her lovers how to do their job. She might instinctively pick mature looking people as lovers in hopes they have some significant experience. Jihyo might seem pretty cold or maybe analytical to others but the fact is that her libido is very strong, she can get very passionate and lustful only if she could find a lover who would match her.

Turn On - 6 of Pentacles

Jihyo is likely to feel attracted to someone who’s generous and selfless, someone who gives more than they take. She might feel instinctively pulled towards a person who could heal her trust issues, someone reliable and true. The card might suggest the person works in a medical field, maybe Jihyo feels attracted to people who can actually heal others and are even more responsible and hard working than she is. She’s likely to admire high morals and high work drive in others. Jihyo is likely to also consider the financial stability of her crush as she’s not willing to support someone’s idle lifestyle.

Kink - II The High Priestess

The High Priestess card is all about intuition and secrets and all that’s behind the veil. As an answer to a kink question in the spread it might mean that Jihyo is not willing to reveal her preferences to anyone. It’s possible she’s not still sure herself, maybe she’s still in search of her favourite thing when it comes to bedroom activities. I’m afraid the card doesn’t really reveal anything much in this case. It’s literally undecided, a secret and standing on a crossroads with countless paths ahead.

Dirty Secret - V The Hierophant

Jihyo might truly be in search of a mentor figure, someone she could trust and rely on when it comes to the most intimate sides of her life. The Emperor card could also point to a certain level of daddy issues she might have and the Hierophant card continues with the theme. It’s possible Jihyo didn’t have the type of support she needed from male father figures in the past and she might still search for someone she could truly trust with everything and who wouldn’t judge her nor belittle her. She might have spent a large portion of her growing up being self-sufficient and carrying more responsibility than a young person should and she might feel insecure about asking for help and guidance now. She is likely aware of this and craves a person she would naturally trust enough to drop her resilience and let them support her when needed.

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directactionforhope · 8 months

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Go Here for Instructions on How to Submit Posts!

And go here for an example.

Submissions limit of 5 posts per person each week, please!

Otherwise, unfortunately, I'll get too overwhelmed by the submissions volume to post anything. Thank you for your understanding!

Me and the Basics

Call me Cactus! They/them, late twenties.

I'm the person who runs the Reasons for Hope tumblr.

This is a sideblog-to-a-sideblog for Reasons for Hope, because I want to promote actions and spread awareness for things that don't always fit on a good news blog specifically

For context: Queer, trans, disabled, white, USian, for context.

Let me know if I post something offensive, I promise I have practice fixing things when I mess up instead of lashing out at the person who told me. I don't want to post hurtful things, so I genuinely want to always learn more about how to not do that, even when it's uncomfortable.

This is all very long because I'm still incapable of being concise.

About This Blog

Made this blog because I keep wanting to reblog or post about actions people can take, but didn't want to put them on Reasons for Hope unless they were actually mostly good news.

As a person who's Been There with spiraling, I really get the need to have access to a space that you know will contain good news and ONLY good news, in this day and age.

Also made it because I have Opinions and want to talk about Issues and activism and I'm committed to not doing that on my good news blog unless it involves, again, actual good news.

So, follow if you want! I definitely invite people to send in actions (links to campaigns/petitions/major protests/letter writing campaigns/etc.) specifically as submissions. I'll put up a how-to and link it here at some point, bc I've learned from Reasons for Hope that if they're in ask format I won't usually have the time/energy to reformat that/make it into a post.

(Sorry to people who've sent asks in on there, you're great. I'll switch to a submissions-based attempted system there too once I get the chance. May be a minute, I'm about to start a new job(!!).

My Editorial Standards

My usual editorial standards from Reasons for Hope apply, modified for this sort of blog:

Any donation-related posts/submissions need to be from some kind of established organization. It can be super grassroots etc. but I need to be able to verify that it's not a scam.

For that reason, no personal fundraisers/gofundmes. I'm genuinely sorry about this because I know a lot of people need the help but like I say on Reasons for Hope, there's no way to truly vet the vast majority of those posts, and I really don't have the time to try.

I'll come up with some sort of tag to put on all the particularly upsetting/fucked content so people can filter it and just see the action posts. Preferably something unique so it doesn't screen out other people's posts if you want to filter

More below:

I'll also have a tag for any particularly upsetting/fucked informational/educational things I post, because I do want to help spread awareness about a number of things, some of which will be pretty upsetting.

That said, I'll try to keep those informational posts only to things that are solutions-focused and/or have an element of good news or hopeful updates, where possible.

I'll also keep most of those posts behind a read-more where possible.

For more info about why I'm including that stuff, see the bottom of this post.

I will not post any campaigns or actions for reelecting Joe Biden until either the genocide in Gaza ends, or until September 1, 2024 (the month early voting starts).

Why do I have that policy? Because Joe Biden is absolutely committing war crimes, but Donald Trump would still, in fact be worse, for the US in general, for BIPOC in the US in particular, and for Palestinians/Gaza. I made a post about this with more details that I'll link here at some point.

Everything is going to be labeled with the link's source, the organization running it, the date posted (if identifiable), and the dates of the campaign/campaign deadline.

Re: Posting bad news here

I've been thinking about starting this sideblog-to-a-sideblog for a while now, because there are a lot of actions/campaigns/etc. that I really wanted to help promote, but did not want to put on Reasons for Hope, because I'm trying really hard to keep that limited to actual, you know, reasons for hope.

That said, I will be including upsetting stuff here. It will have its own tag for people to filter if they only want to see the links to actions. But I am committed to including it.

More below the read more, because this got longwinded and a bit personal:

That's partly because there are a lot of issues that very people know about, and I believe a lot in the power of spreading knowledge/awareness.

It's also because of the reason I finally stopped pondering and decided to start this blog: I just found out tonight that my grandfather died young because of toxic radiation from a nuclear meltdown at a super dangerous and experimental nuclear reactor, which the US government covered up completely and continued operating for decades. Right next to Los Angeles. btw.

If you live in or near Simi Valley, Chatsworth, or the West San Fernando Valley, or your parents did, get high-risk-level-appropriate cancer screenings. And if you're in Simi or within like 5 miles of it...probably don't drink the tap water. Also maybe try to move. (Consulting with a public health scientist/activist friend about this, will report back.)

I was already anti-nuclear, including anti-nuclear power, because of the absolute devastation it's done, especially to Indigenous communities and Japanese civilians. I didn't want to get into it on Reasons for Hope because of the whole "urgency of climate change" thing. But suffice to say that being anti-nuclear just shot very far up my "activism priorities" list.

None of this, or any other horrific things I may post about, conflict with or ruin my faith in humanity. I've definitely been incredibly pessimistic and misanthropic in my life.

But I believe that, for all the bad and evil things humans do, there is equal or greater potential for good. I believe it's like they say: "Hurt people hurt people." That's not the case always, but it is very often. Now, for the first time in history, we have the physical ability to end starvation and scarcity and a lot of death and suffering. We're still getting there, though we still have a long way to go.

I believe in a future where we can all hurt each other (and the other life around us) far less. I believe in a future where we have beaten and reserved at climate change.

I want to live to see that future, and I want all of you to get the chance to see it with me.

#blog business #me #admin

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murmurmurl · 8 months

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long time no H♡L info??!??!?!?!?

I did mention that Toshiro and Seina both have siblings. WELL. I made up my mind about them. Neither has a name yet, but I have a whole leftover name list from when I was naming all of Helianthus. Toshiro has an older brother and Seina has a younger sibling. And uhm. So remember how I ALSO mentioned that I accidentally started thinking about another fan unit. That's because of them. These siblings are in another unit together. I actually already have a general theme and even their sekai in mind????? Somehow??????? All I'm gonna say for now is that it's space-themed. Because of course it is. At this point I might as well make a billion units for each of my interests (/nsrs), but uh ANYWAYS. Yeah. I'll try to design said siblings today, ALTHOUGH. I have like,, 3(??) other H♡L wips, but I just CANNOT stop, my brain is full of ideas and these guys are genuinely one of the only things keeping me going???? Along with my sister??????? Can you tell I'm super excited, did any of that even make sense, idc, I just wanted to say it.

AND. To not make this just me saying some random general stuff, I'll also share what's the idea for H♡L's sekai is FOR NOW. It can change because I. Am painfully inconsistent. Just a heads up – I'm not he best with descriptions, and I'm also not gonna really bother making it sound good right now, it's just to give whatever few ppl care about these sillies an idea of what it'll probably look like. (As I'm writing this, I realized I actually *am* trying to make it sound nice, but if it sounds weird. Hush. /lh)

I mentioned that I call it the overgrown sekai. Because it's, well, overgrown. As you could hopefully guess. The main part of it is an old stone structure, with some intricate carvings still remaining visible and even discernable, although everything does look like it's at least.. a few centuries old, no less. However, taking into account that it's a sekai, it probably isn't that ancient. Almost everything is pretty much overrun by plants – ivy spreading across the grey stone walls, grass (and most importantly flowers) breaking their way through the floor that seems to be made of marble, but it's too old, overgrown and at times dirty to be completely sure. The said flowers are a strange mix of forget-me-nots and sunflowers that may not quite make sense, but it *is* a whole ass other dimension, after all. There's plenty of light, despite practically no windows in sight, save for a few small ones. The reason for that being the roof, shaped like a dome, with holes in it that clearly weren't here by the first design, having appeared because of the stone collapsing over time. Unsurprisingly, the flowers are concentrated in the areas where the most light seeps through those holes. And speaking of light, the time here is always the same – late afternoon, with the season always remaining a comfortable sunny summer.

There's some furniture in the building, mostly along the walls, with the center looking almost like a flowerbed. That furniture seems to represent each of the owners of the sekai – an old desk made of dark wood with a quil and some paper thrown around it, almost giving it an impression that the owner left in a hurry. The paper has become a light yellow color over what may or may not be a rather long amount of time. Next to it – a somewhat fancy wooden chair. There are mirrors hung around this part of the space – some broken, some have the glass taken out entirely. Just a little further – a shelf and an armchair. Both items' materials and overall look fit that of nearly very other piece of furniture here. The shelf is filled with items that seem to have some spiritualistic significance – amulets, crystals and stones, all of them hand-made and hand-carved, yet seeming to lack in accuracy and having been made in a hurry. The armchair strangely has a few long chains hanging on its back. One of the more noticeable pieces of furniture is... a fish tank. It has no fish. In fact, it doesn't even have water, though it's probably not intended to be that way – the tank is spacious and has pretty much almost everything a fish would need to be happy and content in captivity. But it's old and worn out – the driftwood rotting away, whatever plants used to be inside have withered and everything is covered in a thin layer of... dust..? The tank itself stands on top of something of a dresser. If you care to open its doors, you will see rows upon rows of books – as many as could fit in the little space there is inside. Most of them have to do with marine life, but there are also some journals full of incomprehensible messy writing, as if whoever was filling them either didn't have much time, or was feeling too much emotion to care. Perhaps the strangest item in the building is a cage. It's designed just like one of those small restricting bird cages, glistening with gold in the light from above, but for some reason, the cage could easily fit a human. If you decide to step in, you might notice an unexpected aroma. It's vague and subtle, but... it almost seems like fresh black coffee mixed with something citrusy. Outside, the building is surrounded by a dense forest. The light can't penetrate the abundance of trees, but somehow, it doesn't feel eerie or threatening. It feels familiar in an unexplainable way. Have you already seen these woods somewhere..?

WOOOOO I THINK THAT'S ALL. I think. I hope I didn't miss anything. Uhm. I also hope it's not too,, out there, idk. There's also another area I have in mind, BUT. that is some world link territory, where I don't rlly wanna go rn,,,,, RAGHHHH I hope all of that sounds alright. Again, if it doesn't,,,,, I'm not a writer by any means, I just. Felt silly.

#Helianthus♡Light!#also uhm #i should tag sfuff more #you shall be #lore rambles #that makes sense #pjsk #pjsk oc #project sekai oc #toshiro hasegawa #matsu kimura #fumi hatanaka #seina amari

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cometconmain · 5 months

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You understood the post re: what happened to middle eastern Jews around 1945 PERFECTLY and thank you thank you thank you for doing so. It feels like I've been going crazy. I'd like to add that when non-Jews come at us about Israel, It's also not immediately obvious that they don't know what happened to the other Jews in the region, or the long history of Dhimmi. We're used to being treated like we deserve to be killed for breathing, so it just looks like more of the same antisemitism - and when we try to explain it, we're told we're centering ourselves in someone else's tragedy. I do not have the words for saying what it feels like to see someone non-Jewish understand this. It gives me a kind of hope I hadn't anticipated seeing since I was little and believed in miracles, makes it feel like I can meaningfully work towards a solution without condemning my people to be horrifically killed, again, and told that it wasn't happening and if it was we deserved it. Thank you for giving me this hope.

This has really made my night and I am so happy that me trying to learn has made a difference for you in a world that's weirdly and horribly obsessed with opposing and ending your very existence.

I got here because some really REALLY patient Jewish people chose to sit me down and check where I was actually trying to come from, then helped me identify that my activism had been infiltrated by both bad faith actors and other history-ignorant people alike, and in my intention to help Palestinians without first being educated in the full history properly I was being dragged into the radicalisation rip without even realising it.

I am very sorry to anyone I made feel unsafe while spouting things I didn't understand and I'm really glad even this ultimately bare minimum act of trying to listen for once may have done something to hopefully start making up for that.

I'm going to keep trying to listen and learn because while what's happening to the Palestinians is also still fucked up and needs to end (and I want to listen to Palestinian voices on horrific things that are being done to them by their own military and the Israeli military I just need to figure out what's truth and what's Al Jazeera propaganda which those Jewish people I mentioned are currently helping me with), spreading incorrect history, denying that Jewish people are also indigenous, refusing to recognise our (non-Jewish Westerners') massive part in causing this conflict and continuing our oppression of Jewish people doesn't achieve that in any way and just adds more horrors into the world, both for Palestinians and Jewish people, a group who have never seen an end to their persecution and many of which have understandably given up hope in seeing.

You're not imagining it, you are being gaslit about your own history both by already-bigoted people who are doing it intentionally and slowly-radicalising people who don't know any better (but who really need to stop and check where their info is coming from; it's not like we don't know about propaganda on the left or that misinformation is rife and we have a responsibility to try to filter it out. There's no excuse to keep insisting on not looking when people ping us about issues in our activism and information), and you are entirely valid in feeling hurt, angry, endangered and betrayed by that.

We are out here and we genuinely want to help everyone. Unfortunately, our ignorance of history, politics and how to find reliable non-extremist news sources is being leveraged by shitty people who see an opportunity to take our anger at what's happening to one group to sicc us on the other, a time honoured fucked up but horribly effective tactic of bigots the world over.

We can be reached though. There is hope. And when we're reached we will try to reach others (I have an overdue conversation with a good friend coming up neither of us are looking forward to because I'm pretty sure she thinks I've been hijacked by the evil totally-all-the-same-beliefs Zionists who want us to turn a blind eye to war crimes against Palestinians so they can push them all out and take everything for Israel or whatever, when I literally just want her to learn the actual history/different types of Zionism/etc with me and stop applying settler-colonial theory to a place where the problems are actually very different in nature and require a different approach neither of us know how to do yet because we need to remove all the antisemitism bugs from our activism database on this first or it'll keep infecting the rest of our system until it takes over and whoops when did we become Nazis? Fuck. I know she wouldn't want that so I'm hoping to use the same approach that worked with me without her deciding she should just throw out our over ten-year-long friendship. Wish me luck. 😆 )

You are also valid in trying to make sure you're safe. Deradicalising people is always a risk and you are so valid in not being able to pick good-faith-but-ignorant people from the raging dickheads when we all share and spread the same stuff. We usually can't pick out the differences either; that's why we fall for it slowly without even realising it's happening.

One last thing.

You never deserve it. It did happen, it is happening, and you NEVER DESERVE IT.

Anyone saying otherwise has been radicalised and needs a serious wake-up-call kick up the arse. All the best intentions in the world of helping other people who are suffering and don't deserve it do not suddenly make it ok to attack Jewish people or say they deserve oppression, disenfranchisement and genocide. They do not and they never will. That is bigot talk. That is actual Nazi talk and it is never warranted or remotely justified.

(I, too, am ignorant of what Dhimmi is. Do you want to tell me about it? I'll look it up now too but I'm open if you feel safe to share. DMs are fine too if you prefer.)

#asks #asks open #antisemitism #historical revisionism #palestine #gaza #israel #this is all such a mess and i am desperately trying to help without getting pulled into the literal nazi camps #im sorry #im trying #two state solution sounds completely fair and reasonable to me #how that's actually going to be achieved or fairly enacted i have no idea #in the meantime the least we can do out here is not push more Jewish people into the arms of Netanyahu #they don't feel safe because we fucking suck #we are the driving force of this and if we want it to stop we also have to stop our own endless war on Jewish people

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woomycritiques543 · 1 year

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Oh no, people are harassing me when they respond to my harassment of others!

TW: Mentions of rape, abuse, racism, NSFL. (God I hate how these creeps are causing me to mention things like this here...)

(DISCLAIMER: Using the tags "PLEASE DONT DO THIS IN REAL LIFE!" isnt going to do jack shit. Representation will always find a way to effect people. Jacking off to r^pe and constantly exposing yourself to incest WILL mess someone up and also effect how people see the irl victims, even yourself, whether you say "its not real!" or not, cultivation theory is real, the effects of media (it was never just about "if its fictional or not." stop deluding yourselves this is about representation. Saying "ITS NOT REAL!" wont stop someone from using your works to groom children and other trauma victims into hurting themselves the same way you are and also wont stop someone from further feeding into their urges to the point of causing someone harm IRL! People dont always listen to signs, and looking at something for long enough will effect how someone see's people OR behaves (depending on the person!) whether you like it or not. Represention isn't just about racism or homophobia. It was never just about R or S. If someone said "please dont be racist!" at the begining of a racist film, will most people care? NO! Because they want to use it to fuel their agena or will psychologically impacted one way or another. It will still, depending on the person, make someone more racist. Cultivation theory effects nearly everyone. The only way to solve most of it is to PUT AN EFFORT INTO YOUR REPRESENTATION so less people get hurt. Do your research, stop spreading misinformation: and get actual help.)

Could say the same for you! 😂 In fact, what you're saying entirely applies to you seeing what ive found on your blog:

Why the heck you even responding if you know that what you're saying is hypocrisy? Honestly, how do you not see the hypocrisy in what you just said- when the entirety of the "pro"ship" group revolves around claiming that someone is "harassing" them just by simply saying that what they're doing is wrong or sending info about someone that could actually harm someone because I dont know... misrepresentation harms people and we shouldnt be encouraging it just to look "edgy!" on Tumblr of all places? Get your emotionally manipulative butts off my blog! Harassment and saying "this is wrong!" is not the same thing. You know what is harassment?

SHAMING people for defending themselves through gaslighting.

SLANDERING entire groups of people for defending themselves.

Purpoesly spreading misinformation. Which is SLANDER!

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION for self benefit.

All of which, have been used to target real people.

Which makes pro"ship" groups a HARASSMENT group.

So you're creeps, and you harass people, so there truly is no "good" side to pro"shipping." "Shipping", since it's all just using fandom logic through the words "dont harass over ships!" (code word for: "let me ship creepy things!") and "let people enjoy things!" (code word for: "let me be a incestophille, rapeophille, p^dophille, be racist, homophobic, laugh at abuse or rape, etc!") and all sorts of purpoesly vague manipulation to get fandoms with even MINORS in them to be ok with welcoming bigots.

Which is manipulation, and purpoesly spreading misinformation, which is "legal" abuse aka HARASSMENT.

Also just checked your AO3 and...

You have multiple words that are meant to be NSFW yet are sexualizing multiple actions that involve rape. Touching someone while they're asleep is rape, they're unwilling, and arent even concious to consent. That's rape, and you not seeing it at such is genuinely dangerous and you shouldnt be on AO3, you should be in thearpy, and in more severe cases: REHAB.

So in all seriousness:

Please get help, im serious, this shit hurts people and no matter how many times it may numb you, you're only re-traumatizing yourself and traumatizing people around you AND hurting your representation in media along with it. These fictional characters are not real, what is real are the people you're hurting by misrepresenting and fetishizing them for social media attention.

There is no "good" side to misrepresentation or "numb coping instead of getting actual thearpy". Please get help.

-and as a whole:

I will warn people about your group, I will never support pro"shippers" because you're all causing real life harm and I especially dont want minors or people who are impressionable due to trauma from their abusers coming anywhere near you. LEAVE THESE PEOPLE ALONE AND STOP MANIPULATING INNOCENT PEOPLE INTO HURTING THEMSELVES WITH UNHEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS THAT SCIENTIFICALLY DONT WORK! You're hurting people, you're making people hurt themselves by deluding themselves into thinking that their trauma is "gone" just because they're temporarily numb from constantly exposing themselves to intense triggers/traumas on purpose. That's self harm!

PLEASE GET HELP!

(This post is also about pro "shippers" by the way. So this can be reworded as about "rape fetishizers" or "incest fetishizers" and it would basically be about almost the exact same thing since the logic p*do apologists use is also used with all proship groups.)

EDIT:

Again, further proving my point by being racist and harassing poc over someone not liking online child, incest, rape porn groups while anyone who calls you out are labelled as "harassers" just because they say something negative or want you to get karma.

You people are not "anti harassment." You're anti accountability.

#tw proship #proship #proshippers #proshippers are not welcome #I might interact with you #but that doesnt mean that I want to be HARASSED by you.#theres a fucking difference. and its ironic that you dont know it seeing what you people tend to preach. GO AWAY!

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didwho · 2 years

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Hello! You mentioned looking for more info about labels and stuff, so, if you're interested, here are a few things we've personally learned from several years as a "Origins Are Weird And Confusing" system who has been in therapy for A While at this point, in case they're useful to you: - you deserve whatever support you need, regardless of origin or dx or anything else. Therapy, friends who listen to you and support you, academic or workplace accommodations, the right to be unhappy and having a shitty time--you don't have to prove anything to be allowed to want/have those things. - trauma is a subjective experience about how your brain processed something difficult--not about whether the events were 'objectively bad enough to count', because there is no externally defined threshold. (There are certain types of negative experiences that are statistically very likely to be traumatic to the average person, but that absolutely does not mean that only those types of experiences "count".) - if you are experiencing lasting negative impacts from something that happened to you, 1) there is nothing you need to prove in order to be 'allowed' to get support for it; 2) anyone telling you that it wasn't bad enough to affect you is wrong. (This is true even in contexts completely unrelated to syscourse, btw!) - DID in specific is predominantly associated with chronic trauma/adverse experiences during childhood. However, if you have struggles with mental health issues and feel like a system, your options are not just either "100% Definitely DID" or "You're Making It All Up". Whether the label that happens to fit you and your experiences best is DID or any other label (OSDD, MaDD, PTSD + system, "stuff is shitty rn" + system, "who even knows", etc.) is between yourselves and the people on your support team--it's not the business of internet discourse randos trying to tell you whether or not you're valid. (Besides, figuring out what labels fit you best often isn't actually easy or obvious right away, for any number of reasons--including the fact that sketchy and/or 'muted' memories of awful experiences is a big part of many CDDs--and that's okay. Really. You get to figure stuff out at your own pace.) - you are allowed to use/benefit from CDD management strategies and ways of thinking whether or not you have one. (People without ADHD can use bullet journals. DBT isn't just for people with BPD. Etc. If it helps you, the important part is that it helps you.) - don't let the haters get you down. (There are folks out there in syscourse with complex and nuanced opinions, legitimate critiques of communities, etc.! And also, there are sometimes people who just want to be 'allowed' to feel hateful towards someone, aren't in good faith, and aren't interested in listening. What those people think of you or say about you Does. Not. Matter. They are howling at the moon.)

Good luck out there <3

thank you so so so so so much for the kind words!! i preach all of the same things yet sometimes its hard to believe it for yourself, so i genuinely really appreciate the reassurance.

i am looking for a label as of currently because i dont really know whats what, yknow?? its hard for someone like me because despite preaching all of those things, i struggle to understand what defines trauma!

a lot of my headmates tend to agree we do have trauma, but those who dont tend to feel very strongly about not, so it kinda pushes that positivity away!

it really sucks to be both your own supporter and your own enemy at the same time (not calling my headmates enemies its just the best way i can describe it)!

the vents i post are usually when im feeling fired up or upset over things, and again, for that post/ rant i had earlier i spread misinfo, which i feel HORRIBLE about, but i will keep the post up because someone else made a point on it and had the patience to help educate me!

i am still learning and alla that, its hard to navigate this community because theres so many terms, and due to general amnesia, whether it be the fact im a system or due to my ADHD, its hard to get a grasp on all of those!

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thank you so much for the kind words! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

#endo support #syscource #overall emotional support #d4 #ask

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imagine-silk · 1 year

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Things sitting in my WIPs

You know when you start something and you have like a few things for it but not all of it. I have a reasonable amount. So look at them and maybe do my job for me or send a little thing for it. I'm spread thin. (Also, yes, I am getting to the asks. Just losing writing juice.) Marvel first. Also header here.

Steve Rogers finding some blood family

Summary: Steve wants a family, that much is clear from the movies, so the idea is he finds someone in Brooklyn that is related to him.

He couldn’t get himself to knock so he stood at the door uncomfortable close. Steve has nothing from his past life, his apartment was rented out to someone, everyone he knew was dead, the air smelled different, so did the growing winter chill. But he was never one to give in so easily. He was bound to have some sort of family. And he did. He was at their doorstep.

His mom's sister's grandson. Steve got one of the SHIELD people to get the info for him, he loved Natasha but she would have given him everything this man had ever done before and he didn't want that info. Now he was thinking maybe he should have.

Knock knock

It took fourteen heartbeats for the door to open and show a young man in a tank top scratching his head and squinting, skin tanned with freckles from the sun and two moles on his neck that made vampire bites. His squint didn't let up however. "What'cha selling. I don't want it."

"I'm not here to sell anything. I'm looking for [F.Name]."

[F.Name] stopped scratching. "I beg your pardon."

"[F.Name] [L.Name]."

"I can't see, who am I talking to?" He seemed to be one hundred percent serious about the sight thing, his eyes didn't focus on him.

"This is going to sound crazy but I'm your cousin."

"I can see color," He frowned, knitting his eyebrows in the same way his aunt would, genuinely confused but very willing to hear someone out.

"My name is Steve Rogers. My mom was your grandma's sister."

This was the part he expected to fight for, to show proof or explain further. He didn’t need to though. "Oh. Yeah. That. Come in then." [Name] stepped back and held the door from the side. So he took the invite with confusion, sat on the couch while [Name] took the other. "First things first. My mom is dead, but I guess you knew that. She said she didn't want you to see her if she couldn't recognize you. I'm guessing you've been through that too though."

Steve rubbed his hands and thought of his cousin, wondering if he could handle seeing her like that while Peggy was doing the same. "Yeah I have."

"Sorry, man. Can't imagine waking up from a nap to all of this mess. Then having to do what you do. I do not envy you."

"You knew we were related? And you never said anything."

"Why would I?"

"I've had people tell that to me before. Not all of them were kids." He was a big figure and had diplomatic immunity to a certain extent, after he saved the world last time he had it again. In short, a good person to have in your pocket.

"To be honest, I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"Why?"

"I'm 'colored'. You're from the 1930s." It made sense and he never thought about it before. To think that was what got in the way of seeing him was depressing. "I figured you wouldn't but I didn't want to risk it."

Peter B is a fucking HIMBO

Summary: Peter is very smart and not dumb at all. That being said, I just want a himbo so here we are.

It was so fucking hot. Summer was not your favorite time of year and it never will be. The beach was always crowded and so was every building, the good stuff at stores was always sold out unless you got to it early, and vendors had lines that led to the train. And here you were sitting on a bench in the park that had no shade waiting. There was shade a bit away but you told Peter you would be there and you didn’t want to risk it, even if the time was flying and baking you.

You looked around again not actually expecting to see the man you were waiting for, even less so that he would be running. Sweating to the point his work shirt was starting to show what was underneath and disappoint you it was another shirt. He did a hard stop in front of you and struggled to catch his breath, face flushed, chest heaving. “Hey, I’m sorry I’m,”

You swept your lust under the rug and let your panic take front. “Peter, why were you running? I thought you were taking the bus.”

“I ran to see you dingus.” He laughed and looked at you with a squinty smile that moved what was under the rug. “You won’t believe everything that’s happened but let’s go over there first.”

He all but collapsed under the tree shade and propped his arm on his knee while his thigh pushed his stomach pudge. “You should take off your shirt.” You said. “To get cooler.” You found out a long time ago he didn’t see your impure ogling. At first you thought it was something he was ignoring or thought it was weird but then you blurted out you wanted to feel his chapstick and he actually gave you his chapstick.

“Yeah.” Like always he listened and agreed before going on. “So the epic tale goes a little like this; I wasn’t supposed to go to work today but I got roped in to do a half shift so when I got out I had to come straight here. Then the buses got out of order so I took the wrong one. I ended up a few blocks down and the next bus was going to make me even more late if it even got me here. So I ran.”

"You didn't have to do all that just to meet me." You knew what he was going to say. He was a creature of habit.

"I wanted to." Kind to a fault. ->

-> There was one thing in your way of you asking to have him. "Oh, I have new pictures of Mayday." He was married, even had a kid.

And if I die before I wake

Summary: Now, I give my characters fucked up powers to the point I think I might be sadistic. So imagine not being able to die. Also I grew up very religious so I know this prayer very well.

I pray the lord my soul to take.

But you learned God didn't want you by his side. At the age fourteen you were in an accident. In the hospital you and your father were pronounced dead, but you woke up on the operating table. It was a miracle. Then you died in an alley, a mugging gone wrong. You looked out to the bustling street from the shadow and held a bleeding chest. But you did wake.

The great tale of Cain and Abel wasn't something that needed to be recited to you. It seemed to you like your father was Abel, blessed to salvation, and you were Cain, doomed to walk the earth. What was your crime? You couldn't imagine what you did as a child that warranted punishment but you did everything to repent for your sin.

At church there was a man, a broad man with posture somehow tensed and slouched praying in mumbling Spanish. He went when there were no sermons and less people, his time was for him and no one else. Just like you. So you did your best to not bother him. He seemed not to notice and it was nice for you. Together but not. You doubted he felt the same.

Then a fucking Rhino man busted into the hall and destroyed everything. You would say desecrated but you weren’t feeling particularly preachy after. Maybe that was why you were how you were. Spiderman was there to save the day and all was well for everyone else. You left through allies to succumb to your wounds, to bleed out praying it was the last time. As you stumbled you heard a person behind you. You told them you didn’t have any money or anything of value on your person. But they caught you and lowered you to the ground. They seemed to recognize nothing could be done so they just held your hand. You asked them to let you die alone and they shushed you.

You woke up to the sounds of ambulance sirens and you ran before you found out if they were for you or not. It was a traumatic event when you died but you steeled yourself first so you could get safe before you dealt with your mind. Like every time you went back to church. You followed the signs to a temporary place of worship to atone.

The second day of your repent you saw the man and when he saw you he didn't move so you didn't notice him.

He grabs you because his knee jerk reaction is that you are still dying so he is trying to catch you before you fall

Say in Spanish you are haunting him

He is making a very big scene that he is then going to have to explain especially if he has to take a few steps

He looks you horrified and goes to you later to ask if you were okay alluding to the idea he knows you got hurt he just doesn’t know to what extent

Say in Spanish you are haunting him

He sees you but you don’t so he has time to collect himself before he goes to speak to you and you both have a half honest conversation (WINNER)

You do not admit you are repenting and it may or may not be obvious you are not praying for others

He says he was checking on you because he was there but you didn’t see him there and he may or may not have noticed exactly who you were

It's something you would never know but he did see you before he walked up. You figured as much but you never knew for sure. Unlike him you didn’t mutter your prayers but unlike him you made it very obvious how you were dealing with the prayers. He knew you were losing your mind.

He asked to sit with you before asking if you were okay. A small gesture, one you would have welcomed at any time but now, so soon after death, it was hard. He said he was checking up on you because he thought he saw you get hurt. You told him nothing of the sort happened and mentioned in passing you didn't see him there. You both were hiding, one just had a question that needed answering. ->

->You felt like you were being watched, when you were walking home from work, from church. Nueva York wasn't the safest place in the world but you had never felt like that. And it happened for a very good while before something came of it. A woman attacked you in any alley. You didn't know why but she said it was your fault.

Spiderman swooped in and did his thing but added to the routine. He asked who you were and you panicked, rightfully so. "I'm not sure I follow."

"Most people don't get up after bleeding out. Answers, talk fast." He said walking forward. Slow, painfully slow. And you backed away even slower because you knew there was no way you would out run him.

"I don't know, it just happens." He kept walking. That wasn't enough. "I get back up and I can't explain it. Every time I think it's the end, it's not." It still wasn't enough. "I don't want to be like this. I just want to stay dead." That was enough.

Two weeks after the initial incident he finally came to you as a civilian again. Introduced himself and asked your name saying he had always seen you but never found a reason to speak. Finally a name to the face, Miguel O'hara. An overall quiet man, calm in nature and polite. He started to speak to you after that.

There was still the feeling of being watched, it must have not been the woman. You stopped and looked around. When you looked up you thought you saw something on the roof but then pigeons flew off so you brushed it off. But when the same thing happened again you thought maybe someone caught onto your living situation. Then again, maybe not.

The church was set up again and you thanked God. You didn't talk on the pews before him and he'd be the only person you would. It was pleasant, chattering whispers to not disturb like it wasn't just five people in the room spread out farther than any hearing range. The topic of jobs came up and you had an underwhelming answer. (He said he did a lot of computer work, whether it was at a computer or on you didn’t know./He said he was an engineer who worked on his time.) Not a lie.

A month went by and you acted on impulse, you asked if you could confess to him. He asked if he should be the one to hear it but you assured it wasn’t something you would be condemned for. You admitted you lied to him when you said you weren’t hurt after the church incident. You said you thought you were visited by an angel who was going to take you away but it wasn’t, it left you there.

#atsv #gender neutral reader #peter b. parker #steve rogers #miguel o'hara #marvel #wip

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adampage · 2 years

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Hello! I had seen your post about Britt Baker a while back, and I wanted to respond to it back then, but I didn't have time to do so. But I have some time now. So, here goes and I'll try not to make it too long.

First, I really don't think Britt is this horrible, bad person that people have made her out to be. Especially when there are people in locker room who are actually problematic and have a history not so good behavior. I do feel the hate she gets and the things people say about her online is unfair and uncalled for. Even if people aren't fans of her for whatever reason, it's still wrong to spread rumors and malicious gossip. That's never okay, no matter who the person is. And as we saw in the episode, she confirmed that none of those things people say about her is true. When Saraya first showed up to AEW, there were rumors her and Britt don't like each other and get along. And again, the episode pretty much squashed that rumor. And I do believe she does genuinely care about the women's division and wants to help the other girls out. Just like the other girls, she does work hard and she's proven herself worthy of being the face of the women's division.

Going back to the rumors and gossip a moment, a wrestling podcast once spread rumors about her cheating on Adam with Christian Cage, and this was during the time that Adam was still out and Britt was by his side the whole time. Even though she never responded to this or addressed it on social media, I'm sure that still had to be upsetting for her and that it hurt her no doubt. I know we only know what Britt and Adam show us, but nothing that I've seen with them suggests that she would ever do such a thing to him. We've seen that she is a good woman and that she's loyal and is willing to stand by him through thick and thin. When I saw her go out to celebrate with him tonight, I just thought it was a beautiful thing to see. It's clear that they do love each other and are happy. There's no reason to think otherwise.

Onto the issue with Thunder Rosa, considering that there were recently reports about Thunder Rosa having a meeting with the women and apologizing to them and admitting to the sandbagging and stiff working, it leads me to think that there was some truth to what Britt and the other girls were saying. Or at least that it wasn't a one-sided issue or as black and white as it was made to be. The meeting was said to have gone very well and the women have settled their issues with Thunder Rosa.

Overall, I feel that shows like All Access are a good reminder that wrestlers are real people who go through same stuff us regular folks do in the workplace, that no one is perfect, and not everyone is gonna like each other or get along all the time. And we shouldn't believe everything we hear or read on the internet, unless the wrestler in question confirms it for themselves. There's always going to be disagreements and some kind of issue about something. And that things aren't always one-sided or simply black and white. It doesn't mean that anyone in particular is a bad person.

Sorry if this was too long. I tried not to make it too long, but that was the only way I could explain it best.

thanks for the info, anon. i get that you're trying to defend her but my opinion really doesn't matter regardless. I'll put this on my blog so you know I saw it but whether it's true or not, seeing three white women put down a woman of color doesn't look good in this day and age. it wasn't nice to see that for me personally, someone who relates to thunder rosa because i am also a latin woman.

i don't doubt that the issue has shades of grey, but i feel i have a right to say that on my own blog because that's how i feel about it.

my feelings toward britt have always been complicated, because we are all complicated people. sometimes i like her a lot, like when i see how she behaves around cole, and sometimes i don't. that's just the way things are. sorry if that offends you.

#emi replies #nonnie

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nerves-nebula · 2 years

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NUMBER #6 - The last in-person conversation I had with her.

This one isn't as long as the last one xD. (Doing these two first 'cause you seemed the most interested, but I'll get to the other ones too when I got the free time)

So the last in-person conversation I had with her she was in her "better" mindset. Sometimes she's chill and we have genuinely really interesting conversations and it's fun. Very very rarely (like once every 3 or 4 years) she'll be in what she calls "nancy mode" and she actually likes cooking and is super kind. Those were the only two times she's ever baked cookies

(both times I was sick so I couldn't help, but it smelled so good. extra info: I think cooking and baking is really neat but I had to take a course in school in how to cook because she wouldn't teach me beyond "watch". I also wasn't allowed to bake because "I would make them fat". )

But the conversation, though not uncomfortable, would definitely be deemed "weird". She wanted me to "use my powers" to "manifest a new reality". I was to do this where I would re-locate the winning lottery ticket to one of the stores that they go to, and "change the positioning" so that they would get the winning lottery ticket.

I also had to use a method that she thinks is "tapping into the universe's power" where I "go through her history and find what would be stopping the ticket from manifesting from HER past". I had to talk to her about some things I REALLY didn't know all the details about and had to sound like I knew what I was talking about from a "universal consciousness" level.

Upside is that they say that if they got the ticket they'd give me some of the money xD But I, unfortunately(????), do NOT have reality-manipulating powers so they haven't won the lottery yet. They've tried getting me to start buying tickets because "surely I'd be able to win if I just applied myself and manifested it".

Also to follow up on your question(?), I'm in a possibly better place? I managed to get out of living with them, but I'm still in contact with them. I ended up learning more about their extended family (saying theirs because honestly I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE).

Turns out a part of the extended family is SUPER FUCKED UP. And the rest just. Don't do anything or are disconnected? Or know and don't do anything. They're really into victim blaming it turns out. I really don't understand. Very wild stuff, plus connections to a gang that might kill some people if they talk about anything, it was in the local news apparently. Highly unlikely but, if right, I might have to hide from yet ANOTHER group of people that might kill me? Love that bestie xD

I lived with one of the family peeps for a bit and tried telling them about the things that happened, but instead of helping they bullied me (to put it one way) and tried to spread wildly inappropriate rumors and I nearly ended up homeless without ID. I'm not at that point anymore though so yay!! AKA I'm not well liked by the extended family

Eventually I got dumped into another house (renting a room) and the room has a lock (finally!!) but the landlord lives here with a few people that don't speak english and the landlord gives off mighty sus vibes. I'm going to buy a camping cooking element so I don't have to use the kitchen though because whenever I do he comes out, says he hasn't seem me much, and then watches me :/ BUT after I get the cooking thing I'd say I'm in a better spot now xD

ah, mothers baking deserts, the ultimate bittersweet childhood memory. My dad does a similar thing to Nancy Mode, though he doesnt name it and he's lucid way more often than that.

But I never know if I'm gonna get "Hours long lecture rant" dad or "genuine heartfelt conversation" dad.

also christ alive man how many people want you dead?? you're starting to worry me ;_;

WELL. ANYWAY. three cheers for rooms with locks!

#nnstuff #ask #child abuse #abuse

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asexual-means-no-attraction · 2 years

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Is it just me or is there some weird push to think of cis mlms as privileged and lowkey evil lately? It's so odd, I keep seeing people use "cisgay" and legit slurs derogatorily and creating this imaginary cis gay dude to get angry at, and just. Do they genuinely, albeit mistakenly believe that society loves cis mlms or is it just another misandric trend in the community?

Oh my dear sweet friend. You are almost right. The only thing wrong is that this is not a new push that has happened. This has been around for a good while.

I have seen people say that gay men are privileged strictly because they are vy men. I do think there is things worth discussing how unconscious bias can benefit/hurt them because they are men, but these people genuinely believe gay men face no real oppression anymore and are only privileged individuals.

This idea has extended to calling lesbians privileged for being cis or calling binary trans people privileged. I've even seen people say that anyone who isn't asexual is privileged and faces no oppression. It's fucked and shows an extreme lack of intersectionality.

There are people out there who believe gay men are they themselves an oppressive force rather then being a group that faces backlash through threats of/and actual violence, homelessness, arrests, false accusations, demonization, discrimination, etc. Just because the ga men you specifically know don't personally experience (or perhaps don't feel safe telling you) more extreme forms of the oppression, that doesn't mean the group as a whole doesn't. There is no universal gay experience but the statistics still show a large amount of violence.

People just want someone to be mad at. A group and person they can blame all issues on. And while there is something to say about there being certain groups that push certain ideas or contribute to discrimination on a cultural level, there's also something to say about throwing all blame onto said group and using it as an excuse to either spread more hate or not improve on yourself.

That all said. You can rest peacefully knowing this isn't a mainstream trend. I know it can feel like it a LOT of the time. But most people have enough common sense not to believe that BS. And the friends I used to have in college that did say that stuff pretty much immediately changed their mind when they talked to an actual gay professor we had. They just took all the info from some Tumblr post. And if that's where you're getting your LGBT history and present discrimination problems then thats the first part of your problem.

#answered #ask #discourse #lgbt discourse #gay discourse

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year

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AITA for getting back into gardening?

There’s a story to this I swear I swear.

So. My friend got introduced to the game Omori! I’ve been a fan since it was in development and have been slowly trying to convince them to play the game to have brainrot with me.

And, like many people, my friend grew to love the character Basil when they played it. He’s a shy, sweet boy who loves plants.

My friend has now entirely changed themselves and acts as if they are pretending to be Basil in real life. They bought new outfits that mimic the ones he wears, they’ve suddenly started growing plants, etc. it’s very strange.

This is totally fine may I add! Baffling, but it’s not hurting anyone and I am actually very happy for them if this is genuinely how they want to express themselves. What is not okay is how they’re… trying to stop me enjoying gardening..?

I love plants and after a longwinded medical issue, I’m feeling less shitty I’m back into it actively. I have a thriving aloe vera with babies, cacti, succulents, a fig tree, apple tree, pear tree, herbs, raspberry bush, blackberry bush, loganberry bush, tomatoes, potatoes, etc etc. you get the picture. I really love plants! And I decided since I’ve been feeling better, hey, why not plant some new stuff too? So I’ve got some sprouts of various plants growing.

As I enjoy plants and they also do, I figured it’s a good common thing to bond over! I thought since they were a beginner I could help them when they got stuck or needed advice. So I’ve been talking to them a lot about their plants, offering some stuff to them when I harvest it, like strawberries and raspberries and apples, etc. and also being a generally open person if they need advice.

I have discovered over the past month or three that it seems my friend can not keep a plant alive to save his own skin. It’s okay, he’s new to it, plants die, it’s life. But when I offer some help (eg: “take some of my flower food, it will really help you get more blossoms when the time comes,” “you need to prune this part, it’s dead and it will spread to the rest of the plant”) he acts like I’m speaking down to him or insulting him. And he keeps killing plants.

Eventually I actually got upset with the amount of plants he was killing. They are living things and deserve a fighting chance, just like any person or animal does. There is no reason not to treat a spider plant with the same care you would a tree. So I was like hey if you want I can help you set up a watering schedule / help you find out which plants need more shade or more sun and stuff so you can keep them alive longer and he just blew up at me. I’m talking like screaming that he knew what he was doing and it’s NORMAL for plants to die and i “didn’t even care about plants until [I] started so why are you copying?!” It threw me for a loop and actually made me cry because you know… I don’t like getting yelled at lmao. After I cried a little bit I told him that I wasn’t going to talk to him until he apologises for treating me like that because it was uncalled for and really hurtful, I was only trying to help him with his hobby so we could talk about plants together and maybe share some propagated sprouts or something when his plants were old enough. He complained about me online for about a week but no one really listened because it’s very common knowledge I’ve been gardening since I was literally about four years old. He’s since stopped complaining about it but still refuses to apologise.

I’m worried that I might have been an asshole by offering my advice and help? I never pushed it onto him or anything, just offered helpful tidbits and gave him some plant food once, but he might have taken it in a different way than how I meant it.

AITA?

~🌿

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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dreamwritesimagines · 4 years

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Burn The Witch 3 - Ensnared [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful support and feedback my loves ! ❤ Here’s the next chapter, I hope you like it as well and please let me know what you think! ❤ Thank you! ❤❤❤

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, fake dating, mentions of blood, sex, violence, death, manipulation, language, guns.

Summary: Things aren’t always what they seem to be.

Series Masterlist

Finding out that the target you had been assigned to seduce and manipulate for information was actually a good person had its advantages and disadvantages.

For starters, the biggest advantage was that now you could prepare a strategy based on his personality. After all, good people were easier to trick, it was the people like you that would’ve given you a hard time if the roles were reversed. You had been taught to approach everyone with suspicion and pinpoint their weak spots to use against them and as it turned out, Bucky didn’t adapt the same strategy when it came to other people.

The disadvantage? You had no idea how to deal with that.

For years and years you had been trained to kill, lie, manipulate and not look back or feel guilty about any of it because you were told that all your targets were the kind of people that would’ve harmed you or others if they had the chance; so Bucky not being evil was surprising at the very least.

The infamous Winter Soldier hadn’t tried to hurt you when he was under attack, hadn’t tried to use you as a leverage to get out of there unlike what you would’ve done if the roles were reversed.

Needless to say, you were confused as hell.

“I mean when you think about it, it’s not surprising that he’s a good guy,” Chloe said, resting her feet on the table in the empty conference room, “Didn’t he fight against Thanos with Steve Rogers and everyone else?”

“I would’ve fought in that war if I could as well, it doesn’t mean that I’m a good person.”

She pouted, “That’s debatable. I think you’re a great person.”

“No I’m not. I swear to you I’m not.”

“Come on, you don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“If it were me, I would’ve pushed him into the line of fire without a second thought.”

“Exactly. We’re terrible people and we acknowledge that, Chloe.” Keith said as you tapped your pencil on the file,

“Back to the first impression strategy, guys. How do I meet Barnes?”

“Hold on, before we continue with the strategy you need to give me an answer about your cover job,” Chloe said, “We can’t have him suspect you’re hiding anything from him. Jobs are a huge part of someone’s life, it’ll come up.”

Keith raised his head, “What are the options?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Sales assistant, retail—“

“The last time you put me in retail for an undercover job, I ended up punching a customer.” he cut her off, “I vote no to the retail.”

“I’m sure they had it coming,” you deadpanned and Chloe hmmed.

“Fast food?”

“No, it makes my hair smell bad.”

“There’s a milkshake shop I can put you in, it doesn’t smell bad. It’s close to the coffee shop he and Wilson get their coffee from.”

“What’s the catch?”

A small grin pulled at her lips, “It’ll be good for the mission.”

You frowned as Keith sat up straighter, curiosity written all over his face. “Chloe? Share your devious plans with the class please?”

“It’s a retro milkshake shop and the uniforms are like….1940s pin up meets 1950s diner waitress.”

Keith started laughing and you stared at Chloe before letting out a groan, burying your face into your palms.

“I hate you so much.”

“Come on, it’s going to be Bucky Barnes’ wet dream, you know that!” Keith said, “On a completely unrelated note, can I see those uniforms?”

“No!” you snatched the phone from Chloe’s hand before Keith could take a look, “No you can’t!”

“I’m so going to take pictures, and when you become a handler I will use them to humble you.”

“I will shoot you if you do that, and can you please focus?” you insisted, “I have a meeting with General soon, and he will ask me about the strategy and I can’t go there with no ideas.”

“Just find something you and Barnes are interested in both, that never failed me,” Keith paused, “Well that, and my good looks.”

Chloe turned to look at him, “I gave her a huge file containing everything there is to know about him,” she said, “It will help her to make him fall in love, but meeting him is something else.”

“Guys,” he rolled his eyes “What are you, fifteen? It’s incredibly easy to meet people.”

“No, it’s incredibly easy to meet civilians,” you corrected him, “Or the bad guys. It’s not like Barnes goes to bars or anything, he’s not very social.”

“Yeah I get that but he has to do something.” he insisted, “Just hand me the file, are you sure you didn’t miss anything?”

“We didn’t—he does the same thing every superhero does,” Chloe threw her hands up, “He saves people if they’re in need, but how are we going to use that?”

You opened your mouth to answer but when the thought struck you, you took a sharp breath, narrowing your eyes. A smile lit up your face, the plan slowly forming in your mind and Keith frowned at you over the file.

“Y/N you’re smiling,” he reminded you, “It’s creepy when you do it genuinely.”

“He does, doesn’t he?” you asked as you turned to Chloe, “You’re right. Superheroes save people, and—and Barnes is not only a superhero, but he’s also a good guy right? He didn’t use me as a leverage while getting out of there, so he cares about people’s wellbeing, so to speak.”

“Yeah?”

You snapped your fingers, “I need to find someone to shoot me.”

“Same, you’re not special.”

Chloe gasped, “Keith!”

“Relax, she’s not serious.”

“No I’m very serious.”

He scowled, “Did you forget what happened when I accidentally shot you on a mission three years ago? It was just one time and you bitched at me for a whole month. You found me when I was working undercover in Brazil to show up at my apartment so that you could complain about it more, I don’t even know how you found my address, it was classified info.”

“I gave her your address.” Chloe held up a hand and Keith heaved a sigh.

“Thank you Brutus.”

“You had it coming,” you pointed out, “But forget about that for a second, okay? I think I just found our strategy. We’re going to use me as a bait.”

“What?”

“That’s how I’ll meet him. We will put me in a dangerous position and he will…” you tried to ignore the bitter taste at the back of your throat, “He will have to save me.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said, “He will help you and you will use that to lure him, did I get that right?”

“Exactly,” you grinned, “What better way to manipulate a hero than to give him somebody to save?”

She blinked a couple of times, then turned to Keith.

“Honestly, in times like these I wonder why I’m friends with you guys,” she commented, “Do you have any idea why on earth I’m friends with you?”

He shrugged his shoulders,

“I don’t know,” he said, “Because we’re fun when we’re not diabolical?”

***

The plan was pretty simple, it would look like a robbery gone wrong. You would be accompanied by one of the lower ranking agents who would pose as a robber so that if he got caught while getting away, it would pose no threat to your cover afterwards, not to mention it couldn’t be traced back to you or the operation.

Of course, you had to make sure that Bucky would stay behind and meet you while Wilson chased the bad guy off. Based on your observations on Wilson, saving people always came first rather than punishing the other person, he put the safety of innocents before anything else, so you had to find a way for them to think Wilson was more suitable for the chase.

Motorcycle. The rookie agent would get away on a motorcycle, which would require Wilson to use his wings to gain speed on him.

But God, you just hated playing the damsel in distress.

“I just want to say I’m honored that you picked me for this mission,” the agent was almost buzzing with excitement in the back alley while you waited until Wilson and Barnes was anywhere within hearing distance. “I heard- I heard so much about you Shrike. Ma’am.”

You leaned your back to the wall, crossing your arms.

“Is it true that you once killed a target using just a pencil?” he asked, “Or that you took down five armed people with a dagger?”

You turned your head to look at him better, amusement making you smile.

“Or- or that you can get information out of someone in just five minutes?” he held his breath, “Or that your father-“

“Don’t talk about my father.” You cut him off, the harsh command leaving your lips almost too fast and you felt the slight guilt pulling at your heartstrings before you shook your head.

“You’re a good shot, right?” you asked, “I don’t want to get the bullet stuck in my arm, you’ll just graze me.”

“I’m a great shot ma’am, top of my class.”

“And you need to make it look believable. Remember, if Wilson catches you—“

“He will take me to the nearest police station, and I will stay there until an agent is sent to pick me up. But do you want me to get caught?”

“Try not to,” you shrugged your shoulders “But if he does, don’t worry about it. He has no reason to believe it’s anything more than some mugging.”

His phone beeped and he checked it, then took a deep breath, “Barnes and Wilson are within hearing distance. Are you ready?”

“Let’s do this,” you said and he grabbed his gun, then pointed it at your arm. You cleared your throat, looking over your shoulder before you turned to him and let out a very high scream, probably enough to reach the people nearby. He pulled the trigger and the gunshot echoed through the alley, a burning spreading all over your arm and making you fall to your knees.

“Are you okay?” he stepped closer to you and you tried to catch your breath.

“Go!” you hissed and he ran to the motorcycle before he rode away and as soon as he was out of your sight, Barnes and Wilson ran to the alley and you started sobbing, holding onto your arm which throbbed in pain.

Good news was he was a good shot, and he had managed to only graze you. But considering that your cover was a civilian, you doubted civilians were used to gunshot wounds, so you had to make it dramatic.

“Ma’am?” Wilson rushed to you with Barnes following him and you tried to breathe through sobs.

“Thank God, please help me—“ you sniffled and looked at the other side of the alley, breathing fast, “He took my wallet, and-and he had a motorcycle…”

“On it. Buck, stay with her.” Wilson said and ran out of the alley as Barnes crouched down to your level while you kept panting, your knees pulled to your chest, leaning back to the wall.

“Hi,” he smiled at you softly and you took a trembling breath, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Hello,” you managed to say as he stole a look at your arm before his eyes snapped back to yours.

“I’m Bucky,” he said, “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Can I look at your arm, Y/N?”

You pursed your lips together, pretending to consider it before you raised your hand so that he could see the graze on your upper arm. He furrowed his brows for a moment, and carefully lifted your arm to see it better under the street lights while you sniffled again.

“Am I—am I going to die?” you stammered and he let out a small chuckle.

“No,” he said, “No you won’t. It’s just a graze, it doesn’t even look like it’ll need stitches. I promise.”

“But how do you know?”

“Let’s just say I’ve had my fair share of arm injuries.”

You tried to keep the look of confusion on your face before you slowly averted your gaze from him to his metal wrist and you gasped, your jaw dropping as if you were distracted from the pain.

“Bucky? As in Bucky Barnes?” you asked, “Wait, no. Right? Can’t be.”

A look of regret flashed over his face, apparently he thought that would scare you but lucky for you, you had seen it coming while coming up with a strategy.

“I heard about you!” you said, “You fought against Thanos!”

He was taken aback at the fact that you didn’t accuse him of anything his head was obviously swarming with, and that would be the one thing you could base your whole plan on.

In order to make him fall in love with you and trust you, you had to act like you trusted him, act like you had little to no knowledge of the dark side of his past. Naïve civilian girl with a soft heart was the perfect cover because as far as you could tell from his file, Bucky Barnes just wanted to come back home from war.

He had been looking for something he could call his home for decades now and you’d let him believe you were his home until your orders told you otherwise.

“That’s it?” he asked when you didn’t continue and you pulled your brows together.

“Hm?”

“That’s all you…all you wanted to say?”

“Right—” you took a deep breath, “Right, I’m sorry. Thank you for all you’ve done, for saving the world.”

“No no, I didn’t mean—“ he stopped himself, “That wasn’t what I meant. Trust me, you shouldn’t be thanking me.”

“Well I am though,” you winced when you moved your arm before turning your head to check the dark alley “Bucky? Do you… do you think that robber would come back?”

“Sam’s got it covered.” he assured you, “Don’t worry. He’s not getting away, and he’s definitely not coming back here.”

“Okay.” You murmured and wiped at your eye again with the back of your free hand before you clutched at your arm again, a sob tearing itself from your chest. “God, it just—it hurts so bad...”

He shushed you gently, “I know it does sweetheart. Let’s get you to the hospital so that it will stop hurting, alright?”

Ah.

Even by 40s standards, sweetheart was a good sign.

You shook your head, “But I can’t go to the hospital.”

“Why not?”

“I’m on a budget.”

He blinked a couple of times, “Come again?”

“I don’t have enough money for the hospital. I’m sure if I put a band aid on it or something it’d work, you said it wouldn’t need stitches and there’s a pharmacy right around the corner you see—”

“That’s not how bullet wounds work, let’s go.” He helped you up but you stumbled into him, letting him catch you as you looked up at him.

“I apologize, I just feel dizzy…” you said and he smiled softly.

“Don’t worry about it,” his voice was soothing, “You think you can walk? I can carry you.”

“No I can—I can walk,” you stammered and let him lead you out of the alley, his arm wrapped around your waist tight before he looked down at you.

“You’re shaking,” he murmured to himself, then he took off his jacket to put it over your shoulders. You pulled the oversized jacket tighter around you, brushing the sleeve over your forehead to push back your hair and only when he turned to stop a taxi you let a tiny smirk pull at your lips despite the throbbing on your arm.

Well, your superiors were going to be pleased. The first part of the mission was done.

Now all you had to do was make him fall in love with you.

Chapter 4

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #marvel #the falcon and the winter soldier #falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes imagines #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #the winter soldier #the winter soldier x reader #tfatws #fatws

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kusagrasskusa · 3 years

Text

Yandere! Itachi X Reader Headcannons

The reader is precieved as a normal civilization rather than a ninja.

ALSO I learned how to do the "read more" thing on my phone and now I'm happy uvu- and to any friends that read this, I'm so sorry but I've never been so dedicated to a fandom in a long time lol. I might make a oneshot later for this, too, and I do, you should see a link under this paragraph somewhere.

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🖤 Itachi is a mature and collected person, so I'd think it'd be unlikely for him to just grow obsessed at once. Itachi would have to come across Y/N many times before releasing he's in love.

🖤 The way he'd meet Y/N would be when he'd be scouting an area for a particular enemy. He'd happen to come across her, who interacted with him a little but nothing interesting happened. Overtime, the two would see each other here and there, until eventually everyday.

🖤 When his enemy he was looking for had been eliminated, he said his goodbyes to Y/N before leaving. He expected to move on, but his mind would wonder back to her no matter how hard he tried.

🖤 Eventually, Itachi would see Y/N whenever he had free time. He'd make room in his day to spend hours together; they'd go out to eat, participate in festivals, talk, and more.

🖤 On Y/N's side, it didn't take long before she started to feel romantic interest. Afterall, Itachi was calm, collected, smart, strong, fun to be around, and seemed genuinely interested in her. She was definitely in love before he was.

🖤 Around the time Itachi would visit the Leaf Village to find Naruto, he strangely started to worry a lot about Y/N learning about who he was and fear him. He couldn't help but want to shield her from the truth, and if the people around them learned that the man Y/N was with was wanted, it would end bad for them.

🖤 Itachi was inevitably worrying a little too much about the possibility of her finding out. He went to see her and did his best to distract her from any gossip or drama whatsoever to ensure she'd never hear about the Akatsuki. His time spent with her increased from a few hours to half the day.

🖤 Itachi wouldn't ever want to kidnap or drag people into his life. He hates killing, he hates being "evil", he hates everything about his dark lifestyle. The decision to either abandon someone he began to care for or to take her away was a very hard one.

🖤 Itachi realized something in the process of thinking of a solution. He loved Y/N; he loved her to the point where the thought of her hating or fearing him scared him so badly. Even with Sasuke, the thought of him having him was terrifying but something he could live with.

🖤 It was releasing to learn about his own true feelings. He was desperately in love with Y/N, to the point where she was like air, or food, or water. Like in order to live, she had to be around.

🖤 As word spread about two strange people walking around Konoha and that Orochimaru took the last Uchiha, it was inevitable that Y/N would learn about the info. The next time she saw Itachi, she brought it up to him and expressed her discomfort in the fact that she could be among evil people.

🖤 He was scared. So scared that she would hate him for his lifestyle after finding out about who he really is. So that was it; his mind was made. He took Y/N away that night.

🖤 When word about the Akatsuki in Konoha, he received a lot more looks when he was in public than normal. He'd usually have a normal kimono on and have his hair in a different, though similar, style in order to appear normal. But he knew deep down in his heart that people are bound to start suspecting him of being an Akatsuki. And overhearing someone talk about an S class Uchiha member is what did it.

🖤 "You've been asking about where I live for a whole now. Would you like see my home?" Itachi asked. Y/N happily agreed to go, and sorta expected his home to be outside of her village. But the further she traveled, she grew a bit nervous and wanted to return home (as you would if you were led outside of your village into deep woods)

🖤 Itachi wasn't escorting Y/N alone. Of course, the Akatsuki is bound to learn about that girl Itachi insisted on bringing up in most of his little amounts of conversations. It was obvious he was obsessed with her, as much as he would try to hid it, but he just couldn't get her off his mind. So the night where he choose to bring her home, Kisame was watching the two frkm afar in case something happened.

🖤 Before that day, Itachi had mentioned that he wanted to protect Y/N. Over the three months Itachi spent with Y/N, he had plenty of time to talk about her enough to where the other members basically knew her.

🖤 Itachi actually got a few of the members (ex. Kisame, Deidara) were interested in Y/N as well. How could someone as "heartless" as Itachi Uchiha fall in love, and in such a dramatic way at that? They were sorta curious to see what was so special about her.

🖤 Anyway, you can imagine how Itachi convinced Y/N to go far enough into the woods to go to a small little cottage. Was it part of the Akatsuki hideout? No. Itachi would never trust the Akatsuki members with Y/N alone, and she needs her freedom to walk around a house.

🖤 The inside was sorta minimalistic, but not completely empty. To the far right was a kitchen was a small dining table with two chairs, and on the opposite side was two rooms. In one room was a single bed with a closet in it, and in the other room was a bathroom. Between the kitchen and two rooms was a small living room with a couch, coffee table, and more. There were bored games in a little dresser in the living room, along with a full bookshelf with books of all genres.

🖤 "Care for dinner?" Itachi had asked. He wanted to tell Y/N why she's there over a dinner he made and had prepared in advance. It turns out he was amazing at cooking.

🖤 It wasn't very easy, but Itachi managed to explain his feelings towards Y/N. Of course, Y/N happily excepted and was quick to hug and express her feelings towards him. He returned the hug and spoke about how he loved her very much, however he had so much more to say to her.

🖤 Justifyingly so, Y/N was frozen in shock when Itachi told his story. He killed everyone in his clan aside from his brother, the well-known Uchiha. How he fled his clan after committing the murders and joined an infamous group; The Akatsuki.

🖤 While displaying himself as calm, he was so overwhelmed and scared within his mind. He knew he'd have to tell her why she's staying at the house and why, from now one, she'll never leave. But he was smart enough to know she wouldn't simply except living here out of love. He would have to be a bit manipulative to keep Y/N.

🖤 Y/N was mortified and didn't notice the tears pouring out of her eyes. She fell desperately in love with a murderer. She felt so sick, so scared. She stood up, begging to go home so desperately, trembling over her own words. She was so scared for her life now, and what Itachi's intentions were. Truly, Itachi's heart broke at this.

🖤 "Y/N, darling," Itachi spoke, his words laced with love as she softly grabbed Y/N wrists and leaned close. "I had to take you away. I couldn't let them take you from me."

🖤 He was very delicate with Y/N as he calmed her down, as if she was glass. His heart ached at her pain, but he truly believed it was for the best. In a way it really was; people saw Y/N with the tall raven boy many times in public, and her parents and friends had met him too. Once they find out that boy is the Itachi, Y/N could be killed if they think she was aiding him.

🖤 Itachi did his best to show her around and make her feel comfortable. But no matter what he did, Y/N felt so broken, so empty, so confused. There's no way that sweet Itachi she loves is a killer. He has to be lying.

🖤 Over the course of a few days, Y/N learned to except the fact she's held at that small home. She tried to think on the good side; she could decorate it how she wants, has more freetime, can focus on her hobbies and learn to cook new things, and more! Even if she's never allowed to leave the house, Itachi let's her do basically anything around the home.

🖤 Y/N still loves him. As months go by of being alone for a few days without Itachi, some days with him for a little bit, and some full days with him, she still couldn't help but appreciate him just as much as before. No, she appreciates him more even. She just can't help but love him, and he loves her too.

🖤 Itachi felt much more relaxed around Y/N and tried to spend every second he could with her. He was so shameful of keeping her from her home, but it was for the best wasn't it?

🖤 Most of Itachi's emotions about keeping her was all because he lived her and never wanted to see her with anyone else. But he had always found an excuse as to why it's for the best that she's never with anyone else.

🖤 Kisame had met Y/N a few times. She was never comfortable with him however and was typically holding onto Itachi's sleeve, or leaning on him when he's around. However Kisame would be around when Itachi wasn't sometimes to keep watch.

🖤 As long as Itachi or Kisame was present, Y/N is allowed to go outside and visit close villages other than the one Y/N is from. She would be allowed to buy anything she wanted and could afford from these places, but she had to go home eventually.

🖤 At the end of the day, Y/N had quite a lot of freedom and eventually, she was happy. She was happy to be living with Itachi and was perfectly happy calling him her husband.

🖤 Itachi never wanted a marriage though. He was going blind and he planned to be murdered by his brother and he never dared to make her a young widow. When Izumi had died, he felt so distraught and he knew Y/N is bound to feel the same, but even worse if they got married.

🖤 When Itachi died, as said, Y/N was distraught. No, she was mortified. Absolutely mortified. Even if she was free, she had lost the last person she had a connection with. And she carried that sorrow to her grave.

#anime #reader insert #shounen #itachi #itachi uchiha #yandere itachi #yandere itachi x reader #itachi x you #itachi x y/n #itachi x reader #i love itachi

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maddieinwonder · 4 years

Text

Bait & Switch

Spencer Reid x GN!BAU!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None, super fluffy

Word Count: 3.5k words

Plot: Reader reveals that they’re going to buy a Nintendo Switch so Spencer invites them to go together with him. In the process, some feelings reveal themselves.

Author’s Note: My first time writing about Spencer, and actually, my first time writing a fic in a long time haha. Just imagine that this takes place in 2017, although you don’t have to know anything about the Switch in order to read this.

Masterlist

--------------

"What's got you in such a good mood, baby?" Derek asked, leaning over his chair. Even without looking up, you could feel the smirk that decorated his face. After almost a month at the BAU, you didn’t need to be a profiler to expect this much from Derek. "Got a date this weekend?"

You tried to focus on your paperwork before relenting, rolling your eyes. Still, you couldn't hide the smile in your voice when you shot back a reply. "With this job? You wish, Morgan."

"Give yourself some credit, beautiful. With your looks I'm sure you could score a good looking fellow for a night you won't forget."

"I'm sure you would know all about that," you replied, this time grinning from ear to ear.

Ever since you joined the BAU, your seat has always been across Derek Morgan. The guy was a terrible flirt but also one of the most trustworthy people you knew, so you couldn't keep up a sarcastic mood for long.

"Actually," you replied genuinely, "I'll be lining up this weekend to buy a Nintendo Switch." Out of the corner of your eye, you could sense Spencer stiffen in his chair next to you.

"A what switch?" Derek asked, his face scrunching up in confusion.

But before you could begin to reply him, Spencer rolled his chair over and opened his mouth. The both of you knew what was coming.

"The Nintendo Switch. A video game console developed by Japanese company Nintendo that's completely one-of-its-kind, on account of its console functioning like a tablet that can either be docked on a home console and linked to a TV, or used as a portable device with two wireless controllers so you can..."

Not being able to help yourself, you giggled at his info dump. You've always admired how much knowledge he could store in his big brain. But more importantly, you thought he was kind of cute like this. A fire would light in his eyes and it seemed like the world around him ceased to exist.

You only realised you were staring at Spencer when the last bits of his question registered in your mind. "...you going to?"

Blinking your eyes, you snapped to attention. Derek seemed to notice, because you felt his signature smirk return to his face.

"Which store are you going to?" Spencer repeated the question. Anybody else might be annoyed, but he only seemed mildly restless. A rare look for the unathletic genius.

"I'm going to the one three blocks down from here," you replied.

"So am I!" Spencer sat upright in his chair, beaming. You think that this is the most excitement he's expressed to you since you joined the BAU.

Then his confidence seemed to waver. He began tugging at the edge of his sleeve, eyes glancing to the side at nothing in particular when he asked, "W-would you like t-to go together?"

A smile spreads across your face before you can stop it. "Sure! Sounds like fun."

Spencer grinned back, and there was a moment of silence before Derek interrupted the conversation that he began. "Well, I'll leave you and lover boy to plan your date. I'm going to spend my Friday night at the bar."

Your heart thumped involuntarily at the word "date", while Derek turned to Emily. "Hey Prentiss, you want to grab a few drinks and dinner? I'm sure I can get the others to leave work for one night."

"Anything's better than this," Emily shrugged, lifting her mug of already-cold coffee.

Standing up to retrieve her bag, she smirked at you and Spencer, having heard more of the conversation than she let on. "Have a great weekend, you lovebirds. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

She and Derek shared a laugh as they moved towards the Batcave to retrieve Garcia next.

As you watched them go, you feel Spencer's eyes on you and a flush warming your cheeks. You knew they were just teasing you with the word "date", but the truth is you've liked the genius almost as soon as you met him.

You may not have an eidetic memory, but you could still remember the flutter of butterflies that exploded in your chest when you first laid eyes on Dr. Spencer Reid.

He had waved from a comfortable distance, the other hand tucked in the pocket of his dark slacks. He towered over you easily with curly locks that barely touched his sweater vest, and you swore you've never seen anybody more attractive in your life. His intelligence only added to your attraction.

"Shall I pick you up at 7am tomorrow?"

You turned back to Spencer, who seemed even more nervous now that everybody in the bullpen had left. Yet what he was proposing was rather bold compared to his usual behaviour.

“Pick me up?” You repeated.

“It’ll be easier to find a parking spot that way, and the weather report predicts that tomorrow will be a sunny day, so I know you’d rather not walk three blocks to the store.” He rambled nervously.

“You know me well, Spencer.” A cheeky smile snuck onto your face, and in a moment of false bravado, you said what was on your mind. “7am. It’s a date, then.”

Spencer’s face turned beet red.

You didn’t wait to dwell on his reaction, dumping the last of your paperwork into a pile and picking up your bag. But as you walked to the elevator, you couldn’t help yourself from grinning ear to ear. It was a date. Kind of.

--------------

You couldn’t sleep. You had gotten home earlier than usual, but the extra time to plan for your “date” tomorrow proved to be a bad idea.

What would you wear? What would you talk about? Should you extend it to a meal, or dessert, or maybe coffee?

Although you were confident in the moment, you were beginning to regret teasing Spencer before you left. You’d known him long enough to know how he reacted to embarrassment, and there’s a good chance he might back away because of your forwardness.

You groaned, trying to get these thoughts out of your head. The reality of the "date" was sinking in now. This would be the first time that you and Spencer would be alone in a non-work setting. To say that you were nervous was a gross understatement.

But there was something worse than showing up nervous, which was showing up nervous and sleep-deprived, so you turned off your bedside lamp and tried to will yourself to sleep. That's when your phone began to buzz.

You were so on edge that the sound almost made you fall off your bed. Turning over your phone, your heart leapt to your throat.

Spencer, 2:03am: Sorry to disturb you when it's so late, but I realised I don’t have your address. Could you send it to me when you're awake?

You gulped. Just relax, just relax, you repeated in your head.

Me, 2:05am: It’s alright, you didn’t wake me up. I’ll attach my address below.

Spencer, 2:06am: Thanks. Having trouble sleeping?

Me, 2:07am: A little

Spencer, 2:08am: Me too.

What was I supposed to reply to that? You silently screamed. But it turned out you didn't have to figure it out.

Spencer, 2:11am: To be honest, I'm a little nervous about tomorrow.

Me, 2:13am: Why?

Spencer, 2:15am: I suppose it’s because we've never spent any time alone before.

Hearing the genius act so shy made you feel a little more brave.

Me, 2:16am: Well, I'm looking forward to the chance

Spencer, 2:17am: I am too.

Despite your nerves, you smiled at his small confession.

Spencer, 2:19am: We should get some sleep.

Me, 2:19am: I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Spence

Spencer, 2:20am: Sweet dreams.

Your anxieties were washed away and replaced with the biggest smile on your face. Without knowing it, Spencer’s words rippled a sense of calm over you, and you fell asleep shortly after.

The next morning, you woke up with a newfound clarity. You knew what you were going to wear.

--------------

Spencer couldn't stop tapping the edge of his steering wheel. He knew he was nervous, and admitting it to you last night didn't do much to stop that fact from eating away at him.

He texted you 3 minutes ago that he was waiting outside your apartment, but you hadn't replied. Although he knew that there were plenty of logical reasons why you might have missed his text, his hands didn't stop itching to call you and see if you were alright.

Then out of the corner of his eye, you emerged from the corridor and he felt his heart speed up.

You were wearing a blue flannel that he'd never seen you in before with a pair of dark jeans. Your hair, which you usually kept in a up-do at work, was let down in waves, touching your shoulders. And then there was the pièce de résistance, you were wearing a Doctor Who t-shirt with the TARDIS on it.

Hook, line, and sinker.

He didn't break his gaze on you the entire time you got into his car. Even when you beamed at him and wished him a good morning, a small yawn escaping your perfect lips, he was completely tongue-tied.

"Earth to Spencer," you called out, looking up at him curiously. "You there?"

Spencer shook his head suddenly, cursing himself internally for being such a doofus. "Sorry, uh, I was distracted. Good morning." He smiled sheepishly, tucking a stray hair strand behind his ear.

"Anyway," he cleared his throat. "I was thinking we could grab some coffee before we headed to the store? We can make it quick. I know there'll be some people already lining up."

He peeked at you rubbing your eyes and thought it was the cutest thing he's ever seen. “Looks like you might need it," he said without realising he'd just flirted with you.

You giggled, lowering your hands from your face. "Sounds great."

--------------

Spencer wasn't lying when he said it'd be quick, although in truth you could have taken all the time in the world and you would still be happy. The initial awkwardness between you washed away almost immediately as you fell into a quiet conversation about your favourite Doctor Who episodes.

You wanted to commit the sight of him driving in the morning to memory. The sun had just rose, lighting a gentle halo around Spencer’s messy hair and sculptured face. He was wearing a bigger sweater than usual, the sleeves hanging around his wrists loosely. While his eyes were focused on the road, his lips parted slightly as he softly bantered with you about David Tennant.

You felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and kiss him despite the driving hazard. And despite the fact that you’ve never kissed him, of course. But you could hope. And hope you did.

Your hope had grown when he parked in front of the coffee house you’d once mentioned was your favourite. Spencer made your coffee order perfectly and you had found yourself hoping that it was because he’d paid extra attention to you, and not because of his brilliant memory.

And when you reached the video game store and he opened the door for you, you hoped it was because he wanted to make a good impression, not only because he was a gentleman.

And when he stood between you and a video game rack in line, you hoped that he was trying to shield you from the other people in the store, and you hoped that he was thinking of pressing you against the rack and kissing the daylights out of you.

You needed to get a hold of yourself.

The conversation had swapped to the reason why you two were here in the first place, and you found yourself talking to Spencer about Breath of the Wild, a game that brought you back to fond memories of your childhood.

“The Legend of Zelda was the first video game I ever played, on the first console I ever owned.” You shared, smiling fondly. “It was the video game that my brother and I bonded over, and we bought every game together since.”

Spencer nodded in rapt. You felt him leaning closer to you, although it may have been your imagination.

“This is actually the first time I haven’t been with him for a new game,” you realised. “Due to our jobs, we haven’t seen each other in awhile, but we still text each other!” You tried to end on a lighter note, not wanting to bring the mood down on this “date”.

Spencer looked at you as if he wanted to say something, but he kept his lips shut.

“What about you? What was your first video game?” You threw the question to him, trying to divert attention away from your sad-enough story.

He blushed in response to your question and looked down at his black converse. You noticed he began touching his sleeve in a familiar motion and you looked at him suspiciously. “Spencer?”

“W-well, the t-truth is, I didn’t actually c-come here to buy a Switch, and I don’t play video games at all.“ The last part of his sentence came out rapidly. You might have missed it, if you weren’t already used to the tongue twisters he spit out on a daily basis.

“What?” You exclaimed a little too loudly, causing the other shoppers in line to glance at you weirdly. “Then... Then what are you doing here?” You said quieter this time. Your eyebrows furrowed as your mind scanned the possibilities.

“W-well, I, uh, wanted to spend time with you,” he blurted out. He raised his eyes to meet yours, his face completely red.

It was your turn to be flustered now. Your voice was quiet and you could feel your hands shaking. “Is this a date, Spencer?”

“Only if you want it to be, I mean, I want it to be but your opinion matters to me, and I wouldn’t want to bring you on a date if you didn’t want to. We can just hang out like friends if that’s more comfortable--”

You grabbed his free hand, gently lowering it from where it was moving as he rambled, until your fingers were intertwined.

“I would like it to be,” a large smile took over your face. You were a little teary despite how weird it was to confess your feelings for him in a video game store of all places.

Spencer was quiet for a moment, squeezing your hand in return. “Would you like to go for lunch after this? As a date,” he clarified this time.

"I would love that,” you beamed at him, “as a date.”

--------------

Spencer had always imagined the kind of girl he would fall in love with. Caring, intelligent, had an appreciation for classic literature, maybe. But when he saw you for the first time, every expectation he held flew out of the window.

You were beautiful. Wavy dark hair tied into a high ponytail, wearing a navy shirt, and funnily enough, a beige cardigan and black converse. Morgan joked that it was like meeting Spencer 2.0, but he disagreed: the two of you were worlds apart.

You were incredibly tech savvy, although not as much as Garcia, but certainly more than the rest. You loved the smell and taste of coffee without sugar. You were happy to hug everybody you met, from colleagues to victims. You didn’t like paperback so you read everything on a Kindle.

But the biggest difference between the two of you, was that you were emotionally intelligent.

All of your brilliance, combined with your PhD in psychology - having worked as a psychiatrist affiliated with Sex Crimes before joining the BAU - you were able to pick out the team’s moods from a single glance. It’s what endeared everyone to you immediately, and what made you such a great profiler.

But the way you treated him was different. You just, listened to him. While everyone else had gotten into the habit of cutting him off or simply ignoring him when he opened his mouth, your eyes would light up instead.

He could always tell you were listening because you would look into his eyes when he spoke, and you would ask him questions after he was done.

It made him feel like the world around him ceased to exist, except for you.

So he started studying your interests to grab your attention, trying to throw in a few jokes hoping to see you smile. It only took one month for him to seize his chance. Still, never in his calculations did he think you would say yes.

He smiled at the thought, stroking your hair gently as you cuddled on the couch together, watching you play Breath of the Wild.

After a more than successful first date, you had asked him to come over the next day to spend more time together. A month ago, he would have politely declined with an excuse like needing to read a new academic journal, but when he arrived at your doorstep he allowed himself to be drawn into your arms, relishing the giggle he earned as a reward for being hugged.

“Damn it,” you grumbled quietly as you ran out of stamina scaling a cliffside for the fifth time.

Spencer laughed. Without a second thought, he pulled you closer and kissed the top of your head.

In the background Link fell off the cliff once again, the game playing a sound that he came to recognise as Link dying. But there were no curses this time, as you had turned to look at Spencer, nothing but adoration in your eyes.

“That was our first kiss,” you said so quietly and sweetly that Spencer’s heart melted at the sound of it.

“First?” He took his chance, leaning closer. “You know, the usage of the word ‘first’ almost always implies that there will be a ‘second’ and a ‘third’ and a...”

His voice trailed off as your fingers left the controller to touch his lips. Your touch was intoxicating and he wanted more.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Spence,” you started, lifting your finger from his lips. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you-”

“Don’t be sorry,” he managed to get out in a hurry before capturing your lips in his. He felt your astonishment at first, but you quickly lost yourself in the kiss as he brought his hands up to cup the sides of your face, deepening the kiss further.

You finally broke apart after awhile, both panting for air and smiling widely. Spencer never thought he could be so lucky. “That’s the second one,” he said quietly, bringing up two fingers to indicate the number.

You looked at him with love in your eyes and abandoned your controller on the table before throwing yourself at him, flattening the two of you against your couch.

“Ready for the third?”

--------------

Derek Morgan wasn’t an idiot. That’s why he could tell that something had changed over the weekend between his desk mate and boy genius.

The two came into work together on Monday morning, which was weird in itself, but they also took every opportunity to stick to each other, from coffee breaks to disappearing for lunch and “asking” about paperwork.

When they vanished for the umpteenth time that day for coffee, Derek leaned over Emily’s desk to confirm his theory.

“It’s not just me. Pretty boy finally made a move, didn’t he?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Definitely. Those two are so obvious that even Hotch has picked up on it. From his office.” She quipped, grinning as her eyes moved to the scene behind Derek. “Speak of the devil.”

Entering the conversation, Spencer did what he did best. “Did you know that ‘speak of the devil’ is the short form of the idiom ‘speak of the devil and he doth appear’? The phrase can be traced back to the 16th century when mentioning the devil was considered prohibited. In fact, when people were caught saying the phrase--”

Derek caught your eyes drifting to look adoringly at Spencer. He couldn’t take this anymore. “So what happened between you two last weekend, huh?” he interrupted, smirking.

Your reaction was better than he gambled. You turned a bright red and your eyes darted between Spencer and Derek in panic, truly flustered for the first time since he’s met you. But Spencer was strangely calm, his eyes travelling from his best friend to Emily in the background trying to stifle her laughter, while a small smile tugged at his lips.

“We’re dating now,” he announced to the two a little triumphantly, while rubbing your shoulder as a peaceful gesture.

Derek and Emily were stunned by their friend’s directness, only to be shocked out of it as Hotch walked by. “Finally,” he muttered, loud enough for them all to hear.

You were the first to crack a smile, then the rest followed suit with laughs and congratulations. Hearing the uproar, Garcia and JJ peeked out of their rooms, joining in and demanding more details about this new but not entirely unexpected development.

Amidst the chaos, Spencer laces his hands in yours and gives it a squeeze. For the first time in a long time, you feel unequivocally, unmistakably happy.

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