#Gai using training as a way to self harm

[sinnbaddie]

Gai angst | repost with credit

[esf-art-and-design]

You wanna know something crazy?

I work for a LGBTQ+/Queer non-profit, I’ve had to sit in on training seminars on how to best support our community, how to create a space that is actually safe for everyone in the community, etc.

You wanna know the one thing that was emphasized by these professionals running these seminars (who are also a part of the community btw)

Telling queer people what their labels for their identity ought to be is extremely harmful.

Gatekeeping the community from other people who are figuring themselves out because of labels is harmful?! Shocker I know, but yes it is.

You know what this means right? It means that:

You don’t get to tell a guy experimenting with queer sex that he’s gay/bi/queer/etc if he ID’s as straight

You don’t get to tell a woman experimenting with queer sex that she’s lesbian/bi/queer/etc. if she ID’s as straight

You don’t get to tell aces who are hetero sexual/Romantic that they don’t belong in queer spaces

You don’t get to blame bi lesbians/m-spec women for creepy cishet men entering wlw spaces to hit on women (in an entitled way) (that’s called misogyny babes)

You don’t get to tell someone they are unlovable/not deserving of a relationship/etc. because of the label they use

You don’t get to tell people that actions invalidate their labels because “actions speak louder than words”

You don’t get to demand to know what labels someone uses because of their actions. (Or you don’t force someone to out themselves)

You don’t apply labels to someone from pure speculation (you could be outing someone and putting them in danger)

You don’t get to tell people their labels are “contradictory” or “don’t make sense” and demand they choose one label over the other

Other Labels cannot harm your own identity, and if you act like it can your wrong and harming the community

And ultimately, It means that according to actual professionals within the lgbtq non-profit space, the exclusionists in the community are wrong and are doing immeasurable harm.

Basically what I’m saying is that everyone is welcome here on my blog, policing identity is harmful, and yes, the exclusionists that told you that your identity is invalid or made fun of you for your identity we’re so fucking wrong.

Everyone who experiences sexual orientation, attraction, gender identity, and gender expression differently belongs within our community.

Gatekeeping only keeps people deserving of services away from the spaces where they can get those services. It keeps them away from peer support. And that’s not good, especially if you know the statistics for self harm and suicide within the community.

[miles-wrightworth]

Miles and Phoenix headcanon dump

TW for self harm, abuse, disordered eating, trauma, sui attempts, scars, ableism and homophobia mentioned once

put some of your fav headcanons about them in the replies/reblogs and tell me your fav of mine!

these guys are not okay. headcanons below (not all angsty I swear)

Miles

Full Name: Miles Gregory Edgeworth

Gender: demiboy/boyflux, he/they

Appearance hcs: 

Really pretty eyes

he has many scars on his shoulder from an incident with MvK

he has some scars from a suicide attempt around his neck (ropeburn)

He has self harm scars on his forearms and thighs. Lots of them

He has scars on each of his wrists from his 1yg suicide attempt

He is VERY pasty. Like he's WHITE ASF. 

General hcs:

Has an eating disorder (anorexia-bulimia) because of MvK’s constant harsh criticism of his appearance

Struggles with self-harm (cuts on forearms and thighs)

Has tried to kill himself multiple times

When he left the ‘choosing death’ note, he meant it. He has the scars on his wrists to prove it

Trans. He hid it from MvK and has pretty much been stealth his whole life. He never goes on T, just does voice training and gets top surgery when he ‘chooses death’ in germany. He has to recover alone. (or with Void vk)

Gay. women love him, he doesn't understand wtf they're trying to do

Autistic. He doesn't understand a lot of jokes and social cues. He gets overstimulated sometimes. He has a happy stim where he doesn't flap his whole hand, just his fingers. He has a nervous stim where he grabs something or tightens his hand into a fist and squeezes. He has bled a few times from his fingernails digging into his palms from this. 

Has some internalized homophobia and ableism due to MvK >:(

Fav musical is Phantom of the Opera 

He uses Earl Grey and lavender scented cleaning products and has an extensive hair care routine. 

On that note, his hair is soft asf and Phoenix loves to pet it

Miles is an lgbtq+ icon in Japanifornia. He's a prominent political figure who is openly gay (stealth trans for a while) and he advocates for lgbtq+ rights

He is English and Japanese

He knows English, Japanese, German, French, and Borginian (after aai). He knows at least a little bit of every European language

Plays violin, flute, cello, piano

He is starved for affection (both physical and otherwise)

He hates being touched unless he completely trusts the person touching him

Hates hospitals because of DL6 when he woke up in a hospital (and because of a few sui attempts)

Is a huge cat person, but owns Pess because she’s trained to help him with panic attacks

Favorite food is German cheesecake, likes sweets a lot

Wears gay little garter socks, sleeps in silk pjs

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Fancy queen bed with a canopy thing. Burgundy and pink bedspread with plushies secretly stashed in the closet. Has a desk with a whiteboard in front of it. Uses the whiteboard for case notes like those connection boards in police departments. Has a clean mahogany desk with a fountain pen, laptop, tasteful lamp, and legal pad on it. Post-it notes EVERYWHERE.

Any daily rituals?

Has tea at 4pm every day without fail. Gets upset if he is interrupted. Tells Phoenix how his day went every day when asked. Tends to work overtime.

Cleanliness habits?

Very clean. Has a maid when he lives alone and has Gumshoe clean his office biweekly. Once he moves in with Phoenix and Trucy, he ends up cleaning the house frequently.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Tends to skip meals, both accidentally and sometimes purposefully. Has lunch with Phoenix whenever possible. Has tea frequently. Earl gray. Likes sweets and has butterscotch on his desk and in his bag. He eats it occasionally.

Fav way to waste time?

Watching Steel Samurai, writing poetry and fanfiction, listening to music

Book genre?

Psychological horror, the DSM5, gay romance, likes stories set in Victorian era and psychology related books

Long term goal?

Use his influence to make the law as effective as possible and get justice for victims of crimes by punishing criminals

Fav beverage?

Tea. hands down. He also loves virgin strawberry daiquiris 

Coping strategies?

Self-harm (before he tries to recover). Once he marries Phoenix, he becomes comfortable going to him for help. He listens to music and watches Steel Samurai to distract himself. Has his blue cat plush that he uses to self-soothe.

Pet peeves?

Liars, slow drivers, slow walkers, has an unnatural and extreme burning hatred for child abusers/bad parents, incompetent people.

What is in his pockets?

Ornate Swiss pocket knife, fountain pen, mini packet of wet wipes, monogrammed handkerchief.

Phoenix

Full name: Phoenix Ryuichi Wright

Gender: genderqueer, he/him

Appearance hcs: 

Heterochromiaaaaa! Right eye is brown, left eye is blue

Big puppy eyes

He's pretty tan due to his partial latino heritage

He has a scar on his lip, scars on his hands, and many scars in his mouth from the glass necklace shards

He has a scar on his cheek and hand (very deep scars) from a squabble with Kris 

He has large burn scars on his side (where his kidney would be ig) from MvK’s taser

He has many scars from falling off of Dusky Bridge. Some are cuts and some are burns

He’s a chubby guy naturally. He is pretty self-conscious about it and about the fact that it makes him look more feminine.

General hcs:

Adhd. he chews his pen and bobs his leg as stims.

He has really bad abandonment issues due to his mother leaving as well as Dahlia’s betrayal and Miles’ leaving him twice

when he was around 11 his mom just dropped him at a foster center or smth and left (because she was struggling with addictions and didn't want her child to grow up in that environment and she was a single mother so she had nobody to take care of Phoenix) Phoenix grew up as a stealth transmasc in foster homes without any permanent family until he was out of the foster system at 18 and lived in a dorm

Trans. has had top surgery since he was 20. Started T at the age of 21 and got bottom surgery while studying to take the bar at 23. Mia helped him through recovering from both surgeries and she was very supportive.

His hair is naturally spiky but he gels it to make it EVEN MORE SPIKY

During 7yg he becomes an alcoholic (partially due to Kristoph’s influence) 

His alcoholism reminds him of his mother so he feels horrible about it and tries his hardest to keep it from Trucy

He has trauma from Dahlia and Kris. sometimes he can't take meds or eat certain foods because it reminds him of past trauma

Phoenix downplays his trauma or feels like it's his fault for trusting Kris/Dahlia cuz he's surrounded by people who have "worse" trauma and he's like 'oh well my parent didn't get murdered in front of me. my trauma is nothing compared to Athena or Miles' he never wants to talk about his own trauma because he feels like its invalid so he just never tells anyone and pretends its fine

He is latino and Japanese mainly (perhaps also greek teehee)

He knows English, Spanish (not as well and EG tho), and a little bit of Japanese

Can actually play piano

Love languages are touch and words of affirmation

After 7yg, he is really paranoid for a solid year or so due to Kristoph

He hates hospitals because he had to be hospitalized after Dahlia’s trial for about a month for healing his throat and stomach as well as for psychological evaluations

Wears random socks, half of the time colorful. Sleeps in boxers and a t shirt

Uses Axe body spray when 14-33, uses coconut old spice once he gets his badge back

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Pretty messy. Clothes everywhere, a few plushies, a desk in the corner with a corkboard in front of it. He puts random files, pictures, notes, etc. on it and has some on parts of his wall. Nothing fancy. Just below a queen size bed with two pillows and a blue blanket. 

Any daily rituals?

After 7yg, he checks if the door is locked twice when he comes in the house or leaves. Always says hi and bye to Trucy as well. Always asks Trucy and Miles how their days were over dinner. 

Cleanliness habits?

He sometimes gets bursts of energy to clean. Usually tries to clean up right after he gets something messy, but forgets a lot and doesn’t clean up his dirty clothes very often. Just below average hygiene and cleanliness.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Doesn’t like to eat crunchy stuff much, but makes an exception for always getting crunchy shell tacos. He usually has an average breakfast (bagel, cereal, bacon). Meets up with Miles to have lunch whenever possible (partially to make sure Miles eats). They usually go to a casual restaurant, eat lunch for an hour or so, and then get back to their jobs. Miles, Phoenix, and Trucy all take turns making/helping to make dinner. They eat out about once a week. Sometimes to celebrate winning a case.

Fav way to waste time?

He likes drawing, annoying Miles, sleeping, and watching those dramatic stupid shows like Dance Moms and The Bachelorette.

Book genre?

He doesn’t like to read. Doesn’t have the attention span for it. But he loves comics and manga. Particularly enjoys medieval setting fictional adventure stories that have a happy ending. Occasionally reads cheesy romance novels to laugh at it.

Long term goal?

His goal in life is to be needed and remembered. He wants to help others and be remembered as a light in their lives. He wants to make a significant positive impact on the lives of the people around him.

Fav beverage?

He likes sweet tea, cream soda, and plain ol’ water the best

Coping strategies?

He tends to ramble and vent to the people he’s close to (Maya, Miles, Larry sometimes) but also tries to push them away somewhat and neglects talking to them as much as he needs to because he’s afraid he’s being annoying or clingy. He ends up pretending it’s fine even though it’s not.

Pet peeves?

People judging others, bullying, people being inconsiderate or ignorant of the needs of others, liars.

What is in his pockets?

Random trash, gum, phone, wired earbuds from a gas station, probably some random 30 cent pen.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Our Hero Academia:My Bnha rewrite/fixit

'Our' instead of 'My' because the protagonist role is shared by our Big Three:Izuku,Shouto and Momo.They're official title is 'The Tea Trio' because Izuku's name means 'green' and 'spring' and i associate tea with springtime and Shouto and Momo's canonical love for tea

Inko is half sudanese so Izuku is blasian and so is Momo as the daughter of a japanese-dominican woman and an afro-mexican man while Shouto is fully asian but biracial as well,Rei being half bangladeshi.Izuku ends up developing chronic pain due to the mix of One For All usage and Bakugou's lifelong violet physical assaults towards him and needs crutches,Momo has a hodgepodge of neurodivergent disorders with adhd,autism,anxiety AND ocd and Shouto is blind in his scar eye and Izuku and him are autistic like her too and Momo is fat because of her quirk

Momo's adultification trauma is explicit and intentional instead of heavy accidental subtext,Bakugou is an antagonist all the way through and a metaphor for ableism and male privilege and Endeavour is given zero grace while Rei is a fleshed out character as they all deserve

Izuku is agender without a specified agab,Momo is a trans girl and Shouto is transmasc genderfluid with neutral,feminine and androgynous gender presentation respectively.As stated they're our core mcs but not the only ones!!

The whole main cast is them,Toshinori,Rumi,the rest of 'The Tea Blend Crew' made up of Hitoshi,Kirishima,Jirou,Mina,Eri and Himiko and Dabi and him,Momo,Shouto and Izuku the 'Jumbo Tea Quartet'.Toshinori is a he/him butch lesbian and has a sidestory romance with Inko and all the other Tea Kids are blasian latinos like Momo except Himiko,who is half african-american!

Todomomo,Shinmido and Minajirou are canon and the rest of The Tea Blend Crew see eachother as found siblings.Togachako,Miruyumi and Dabitwice are also canon!

The series is kicked off with 'Midoriya Izuku:Origin' but shortly followed up by 'Yaoyorozu Momo:Origin' as Momo and Izuku become eachother's first ever friends and Shouto's debut into the main cast is the same because it's too iconic and dear to me for me to change it.Momo's already befriended Jirou and Mina by then and same for Izuku befriending Kirishima but Hitoshi is transfered to the hero course post-Sports Festival.Momo also had a private talk with Bakugou over his bullying of Izuku telling him to leave him alone only to end up crying in fear at his outburst,calling and accusing her hurtful things over her being a girl nerd and 'well-developed'.She created a staff and hit him in the crotch with it on live tv for it when he was tied up in his 'feral' state for it

The Tea Trio is finally complete as of Yaoyorozu Rising and they have a lot of solo bonding just the three of them to set them up as the core of Oha.Not to say the Tea Blend Crew dosen't get their own pagetime!!It's revealed Jirou got bullied growing up because of being a black goth transfem butch and has bpd as a result,Mina is the biokid of a cis gay x seahorse dad couple and grew up taking dance classes,Kirishima has lesbian biomoms too and used to self-harm out of insecurity over his natural fatness and Hitoshi was raised by his abuela who was the only person who ever cared about him and got his love of cats from her and they get a good deal of bonding with eachother and them too!!Kicking ass together too ofc!They all hate Bakugou and make a thing of roasting him for how awful he's been to all of them multiple times yet all at different points.Izuku starts to loose his illusion of Bakugou being a good person when he tries to protest against their words but can't find an actual defense

The Tea Blend Crew training partners,teenage dirtbag best friends,study buddies and a hero team!They have their own group chat named 'The Tapioca Vine'(dosen't make sense on purpose LMFAO),schedueled hangouts,a secret abandoned technologically advanced gym they found on accident they use as their training base and dubbed it 'Our Hero Spotter',no personal space when it comes to eachother and matching rings!I'll get to those later :] Oh but also their theme song is 'Adventricular' by Sesamoid♡First Time Friends Turn Into Forever!!

The Bakugou rescue arc still happens but Jirou,Mina and Hitoshi take Iida's place and it's a decoy plot for the beginning of Momo's Destruct arc.Dabi and Momo kept running eachother by genuine accident which led to him discovering her importance to Shouto so he used those accidental encouters to radicalize her to get at Shouto and all the sympathy thrown at Bakugou and the stark contrast to how awfully Hero Society including U.A treats her despite having worked her entire life to earn her place in the hero world just to not get it made it hit the mark.Kirishima getting the Fatgum intership over her rubbed very lemony salt in her wounds so as soon as they rescued Eri just as she'd promised herself,she joined the League of Villains as Destruct in secret from her friends.Himiko and her are pretty much sisters

And S'mores Siblings accidentally became real by the time she joined.Momo and Dabi had come to truly love eachother as family because he'd treated her better than any other adult in her life before and even without the comparison he was a good older brother figure and even pseudo-dad to her and he was actually enjoying spending time with her as an intergenerational friendship and mentorship and her and Jin were the first people he'd truly loved after his 'death',greatly helped by them understanding his misfit status(abusive perfectionist parents who treated them awfully as a neurodivergent child/stigmatized mental illness and physical disability that's not 'sexy' to normies).Momo is pastel punk and kidcore in aesthetic AND personality and lifestyle at that point,including Dabi giving her a side shave and pink dye.Momo hacked her parents banks to donate all their money to charity and use some of it for herself and for gifts for her loved ones too

Himiko connects with the TBC through Momo without letting them know she's a villain and infiltrates U.A to hang with her and makes a huge spectacle of herself on purpose,to Momo's embarrasment.She ends up legit joining the friend group and falling for Ochako for real instead of mutual obssesion.Izuku and Shouto's own arcs chronicle Izuku's attempts to live with disability,be a true hero AND experience teenagehood to the fullest and Shouto's relathionships with his family,learning how to be a real kid-including going goth punk for that weirdkid swag,his quirk on multiple levels and his true love by choice with Momo and vice versa on that last one as Todomomo is an unremovable aspect of eachother.They complete eachother,not just half and half and feel like their own people yet two yet the same

Jirou's gotten way more hardcore on every level,in attitude and in aesthetic and in tactics but as positive character development and Mina is a little bit of everything as she's too chaotic to be held down.That makes them the perfect love interest's for the other and are as snuggly and mushy as Todomomo but with Tsundere Jirou and Tease Mina.Kirishima can't help but let himself be louder and larger and heroicer as he looses ALL sense of shame in the best way possible and him accidentally embarrasing others with it becomes a running gag.Hitoshi's quite taken with trying all life will give him he didn't get to experience,including dating Izuku,and realizing the true meaning of his quirk:Putting his foot down on mistreatment,towards him AND fellow victims as he uses it to get Bakugou to fess up in front of almost the whole school staff so he gets expelled.Izuku is so overjoyed and relieved he hops onto him to kiss him right then and there and loud cheering from Class 1-A ensues,including several 'IT'S ABOUT TIME's and wolfwhistles equivalents

TBC rings were diy'd by them!They're those big see through-ish rings you see indie girl characters wearing so often and they each have cordinated colors for eachother and a charm inside:Green and a bunny for Izuku,white and red and a cat for Shouto,pink and yellow and a rose for Momo,deep red and a wolf for Kirishima,lavender and a guitar pick for Jirou,hot pink and a ballerina for Mina,purple and a hypnosis eye for Hitoshi,gold and a blood drop for Himiko,pastel blue and a unicorn for Eri and a bonus for the honorary member in Dabi with a deep blue and an azure flame.The Jumbo Tea Quartet get their own subcategory because of Todosiblings + S'mores Siblings follow up to Izuku and Dabi familial dynamic too.Dadbi is real y'all

Eri is adopted as their baby sister because of how she's always at the dorms and dosen't get on the field but is a major character as a symbol to fight for the next generation but also humanized and written like a realistic 6 year old.Rumi's debut gives her the connection to the Todofam Hox didn't deserve as Fuyumi's celebrity crush turned best friend turned girlfriend and Hox gets his ass beat by Momo who saves Jin just in time and Dabi kills Hox away from her eyes to not traumatize her.The Final War arc leads to the disenmantling of the pro-hero system to replace it with a good system instead by our local teenage anarchists with help from All-Might and the Lov in a new era of unity.Rei kills Enji,Dabi and Jin get married,Himiko and Ochako get their happy ending,Momo's new codename is Creadora,Shouto is Freezerburn and Izuku is Mighty Girl.Todomomo Endgame happens too and all's right in Our Hero Academia/Oha.We deserved better just like they did

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lightning Bug - Chapter 23

Masterlist

Warning: sleep deperivation, a form of self harm, gay panic

Word count: 2.3k

The ringing of a bell announced your arrival at Lucia’s store. “I’ll be right with you,” her voice traveled from the back of the store.

“Take your time; it’s just me,” you called out and headed to the history section. You wanted to add supplemental reading on the topic you and Vision started. He said you would have to complete a project so you thought it was a good idea to get head start. You enjoyed your lesson with Vision as he taught you about early civilizations in India. After your time with Vision, it was straight into the training room with Maria. She was…intense, for lack of a better word. She discovered your limit and pushed you to reach past it. It made sense why she was Nick’s right-hand woman. You were thankful for the peace of Lucia’s shop.

“Hello, mjia,” Lucia said, holding a stack of books. You took the top few from her.

“Hi, how are you?” You asked and began to put the books away. You missed working here, the mundane action and it was an excellent way to shut your brain off.

“Busy since my best employee left me for the Avengers,” she teased and returned to her desk. You rolled your eyes and followed her with the books you picked out in your hand.

“I was your only employee, senora,” you said. “You may need to hire someone.” She mumbled something in Spanish you missed. You bite your lip as you grab a notebook from a pile on her desk labeled ‘free.’ “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, child,” you sighed, handing her the books you wanted to check out.

“Have you noticed anything weird going on in the neighborhood?” You asked. She looked at you curiously.

“Define weird,” you took the books from her and placed them in the bag you brought.

“Like people going missing and talking about me.” You quickly summarized. Lucia sighed, doing the sign of the cross across her chest. You should have kept your mouth shut.

“I noticed some regulars that usually show up on Tuesday meetings haven’t been around,” you frowned. Every Tuesday night, Lucia held events for people experiencing homelessness in the community. You could study, get help with resumes, or have a quiet place to be.

“I’m guessing the police don’t care, right?” She nodded. That was typical. The NYPD never cared about you or the others who lived on the street. “Thank you. If you hear anything else, let me know.”

“I will, but be careful,” she said. “I fear something dark is coming our way.”

*

You took the notebook from Lucia and threw the bag onto the floor. With a sigh, you climbed into bed. There was so much information running through your head. The weird warning by Caesar and Lucia noticed people disappearing. What was going on? You began to write everything in the notebook and how you were connected to all of this.

None of it made sense. You were a nobody. People recognized you because of your appearance or saw you as an easy target. You were someone now because the Avengers took you in. You bite the end of the pencil. If it had to do with the Avengers, why target you?

“Miss. Y/n,” Friday said. “Just as a reminder, you have a meeting with Mr. Stark and Mr. Banner.” You sighed and stood up, placing the notebook underneath your pillow. The last thing you wanted was to have a math lesson, but you packed your bag and headed for the lab.

*

“Is everything okay?” Pepper asked, causing you to look up from the tablet you were working on. After math, it was your internship with Pepper. Math was well math. Bruce and Tony made it enjoyable, but you still needed clarification. Once you were done, you stopped in the kitchen for a snack and walked to Pepper’s office. She explained that your internship would include a lot of the work you were already plus attending some meetings to take minutes and designing presentations. “You’ve been oddly quiet.” You sighed and tapped your thumbs against the screen.

“I went to see Lucia, the owner of a bookstore I used to go to a lot,” you started. “She said many of the regulars that go to weekly events haven’t shown up. No one knows where they are,” she frowned and closed her laptop.

“Have they reported it to the police?” You rolled your eyes with a huff.

“The police don’t care about us,” you admitted. “Besides, it’s hard to report a missing person when people come and go so much. There was a guy named Larry; he would disappear for 5 months, then come back and act like nothing happened.” The CEO sighed, folding her hands on top of her desk.

“Well, I’ll talk to Tony. Maybe he can put some pressure on the local police.” You stared at the CEO, blinking once, then twice. You weren’t sure what would come of it telling Pepper, but getting the Avengers involved was not it.

“Tony probably has other things going on,” you said, trying to deter from involving the billionaire. “More important things.” You added to prevent her from asking him.

“The Avengers are here to help people,” she stated. “Especially those in our backyard,” she smiled and reopened her laptop. “Do you care about this?” You were a little surprised by the question. You nodded; even though they weren’t the nicest to you, they were still people. And these people had someone who cared about them. “Then it’s settled. I’ll talk to Tony tomorrow.” You smiled.

“Thank you, Pepper.”

“Don’t mention it,” she smirked. “Now, get back to work,” she teased. You giggled and got back to work. If the Avengers were involved, you could get more than answers on where all these people were going. Could you figure out what else was going on?

*

You stared up at the ceiling, hands behind your head and music softly playing from the Walkman. Dinner was filled with questions about your first day of ‘school’, then Natasha and Wanda ensured all your homework was done before you went to bed. However, sleep was not going to happen. You couldn’t turn off your brain. You kept reliving the past few days. Turning off the music, you quietly left your room. Once again, your socked-covered feet led you to the training room. Like clockwork, you uncovered the machine and ensured empty batteries were ready to charge.

You faced the machine head-on and felt the electricity dance around your fingertips, but you refused to release it. Inside, you let the electricity grow and felt the warmth that radiated off of it. For the longest time, that warmth scared you. You associated that warmth with a punishment, but now you like it. It was another reminder that you were free.

You shot your hand forward and released the charge until the batteries were full. You repeated the process until your body began to feel tired, and your mind was blanketed. You knew you would sleep through the night.

*

Unfortunately, you felt stuck in a cycle. Classes, training, homework, and your nightly visit to the machine so you could get sleep. Was it healthy? Yes? At least you weren’t yourself. You were depleting your powers to force your mind into a dreamless sleep. There was no danger to your hippocampus, and you used your powers to help others.

On the fifth day of this self-made schedule, you were running on empty. Every word Vision was saying about the ancient world wasn’t registering. Your brain was mush. “Miss. Y/n,” you jerked awake at the conversation change. The man was smiling. “That’s the third time you’ve fallen asleep. Is the caste system of Ancient India not entertaining enough for you?” He teased.

“No, it is,” you defended. “And you are doing a great job. I just-“Vision chuckled, closing the book. “You are mean.”

“Go get some rest,” he said. “I’ll speak with the others and cancel your lessons for the day.” Oh, you could give him the biggest hug.

“You are amazing,” you shoved your books into your backpack. “Thank you so much!”

“Your health is more important than a civilization that’s been long gone,” you giggled, thanked him again, and took the elevator to your floor. It was thankfully empty as you made a beeline for your room. Throwing your backpack on the ground, you flopped onto the bed and fell fast asleep.

Persistent knocking on your door woke you up. You groaned, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “Come in,” you called out, not bothering to sit up. When the door opened, you saw America walk into your room. You rolled over to make room as she ran and jumped on your bed.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” you closed your eyes. “I was sleeping.”

“I know,” she giggled. Unbelievable. “But you’ve been so busy we haven’t hung out, so when Vision told me you were excused from your lessons, I came running,” you opened your eyes, and her head was turned to look at you. “Hi,” America smiled.

“You are a dork,” you said, rolling on your back and ignoring how your stomach flipped. “So what do you have in mind?” The bed shifted as you heard her get up. She grabbed your hand and pulled you into a sitting position. The smile she wore now was bigger, a little mischievous. “America,” you said slowly.

“Do you trust me?” She asked. You sighed, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I trust you.” She jumped from your bed and crackled your knuckles. Oh boy. Her eyes began to glow a light blue, a similar color and look to your electricity. You scrambled off your bed as she punched at your wall. A giant star formed, matching the style of some of her clothes. What surprised you was you saw people walking around - going about their day-to-day life as if a star wasn’t right next to them.

“Is this a portal-”

“To the multiverse?” You nodded. “Yeah, it is,” she held out her hand. “I did ask if you trusted me.” You laughed, took her hand, and allowed her to pull you through the portal. It closed behind you, and you were on a sidewalk similar to New York City. Nothing seemed out of place.

“Are you sure-” You saw cars flying in the sky. Your jaw dropped. “How is this possible?”

“It’s the multiverse, silly,” she dragged you down the sidewalk, where you saw inventions from every sci-fi book you’ve read - flying cars, hoverboards, and hologram phones. “Christianity never existed here,” she pulled you closer so she could whisper. “So the Dark Age never occurred, and humanity is 1000 years more advanced.”

“This is-” You were struggling to find a word to describe everything happening around you.

“I know,” she squeezed your hand. “It’s kind of crazy, but you get used to it.” You were curious to know if you would ever get used to it. “Let’s go get some food and explore.”

While you ate ‘pizza,’ you were curious if they called it something else here; America gave you the rules of multiverse travel. The biggest thing was not to cause an incursion - when the boundary between two universes erodes, and they collide, destroying one or both. When asked how to avoid that, America said it occurs with prolonged travel within the multiverse. “So we won’t stay long,” she took your hand and rang out of the restaurant.

Something about spending time with America outside the tower was different. She was always smiling around the others, but her smile was unlike her usual smile. It wasn’t as large and softer - she seemed happier. Was it because she was using her powers so freely? Or was it because it was just you and her? No team. No prying eyes. But no, you couldn’t think like that. America deserved someone better than you. Someone who wasn’t broken, scarred, and haunted so profoundly by their past. It was unfair to her.

“Y/n!” She yelled your name, and suddenly, her body crashed into yours, and you began to fall. Your back never made contact with the concrete sidewalk instead you saw the outline of her star as you fell into another timeline. You knew something was wrong by the way America held onto you; bruises were going to form on your arms.

Each time you expected to stop falling, the ground never came. Your stomach was flipping as you flew between different portals. It was never-ending as the world kept changing around you. For a split second, it was black and white, then hand-drawn. Were you in a jungle? You weren’t sure, but you wanted it to stop! You felt the grip America had on you loosen as she pushed you forward.

Time slowed down as you flipped through space and headed toward a portal. “America!” You yelled for her. It was impossible to control your body as you flew through the portal. You expected to keep falling, but your back hit a hard wooden floor - the air was knocked out of your lungs. Coughing a few times, another portal appeared above you, and you rolled out of the way before America landed on you.

“Thanks for breaking my fall,” she groaned. You sat up, rubbing the back of your head. The world was still spinning, and you felt sick to your stomach.

“Where are we?” You were sitting at the bottom of a tall staircase. The floor was wooden with a circular design, and you liked the blue. You saw a few areas to sit at. America sat up quickly, eyes wide and the color draining from her face.

“The where is subjective,” a mysterious voice said. “But I do know you are in a lot of trouble.”

_

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[bwabys-scenarios]

Fixer Upper

Part 14

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

part 13

part 15

warnings: THIS CHAPTER IS HEAVY!!! mentions of SH(no actual self harm, just Leorio being paranoid) reader being suicidal and writing a suicide note

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @aceywaceyboobybear

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After the three ate dinner, they decided on moving campsites.

“It’s in our best interest to not stay in one place for two long. We’ll walk across the island and scout out a different place to make camp for the night.” Kurapika said, packing up his satchel. (Name) nodded, Leorio carrying her backpack for her.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. But…”

She held onto Leorio’s sleeve. “Won’t it be harder to see where we’re going in the dark? What if someone stalks us under the cover of night?”

Kurapika stood, brushing off his tabard. “It’s better than getting ambushed as we sleep. Someone has been here, I saw footprints near our shelter.”

(Name)’s eyes widened. “I see. Well, lead the way then, Pika.”

He walked ahead of her, occasionally glancing back to stare at Leorio’s hand in hers. Kurapika had begrudgingly accepted that Leorio was in fact warmer than him, and if she stayed near Leorio, she wouldn’t get too cold.

It didn’t stop him from feeling jealous, though.

——————

The three walked for a while, until they came across a certain magician.

“Hisoka.”

Kurapika pushed (Name) behind him, eyes trained on the man. Leorio laughed humorously. “Haha, what a coincidence.”

“Hi Hisoka.”

(Name) waved to the man, earning a sly smile in return. “(Name), what a pleasure to see you. I see you’re still…”

He gestured to the butterflies flying around her hips.

“Hmm?”

Leorio quickly changed the subject. “Do you think you’re his target?”

“It’s possible…” Kurapika responded, glancing back at (Name). They jumped when Hisoka began to laugh.

“There’s no need to be so jumpy. I only came here to ask you all a favor. You see, I only need two more points to pass this faze. How about two of you give me your badges?”

“Are you serious!?” Leorio exclaimed, reaching for his weapon.

“Of course.”

“There’s no way in hell, forget I-“

“I’ll give you my badge.”

Leorio stopped, eyes going wide when (Name) stepped forward, holding out her badge. “(Name), don’t-“

She continued to walk, but was stopped when her badge was snatched from her hand.

“Pika, why did you take my badge?“

He didn’t answer, instead turning to Hisoka. “You say you only need two more points, which means we aren’t your targets, isn’t that correct?”

“I’m the one asking questions around here, so are you going to give me your badges or not?”

Kurapika stayed calm. “So what happens if we refuse?”

Hisoka smirked. “I think you know the answer to that.”

He glanced to (Name), licking his lips. The two immediately moved closer to shield her from his view. “Hisoka…” Kurapika warned, his eyes bordering on turning red.

“I’ll ask you one more time. Are you going to give me your badges, or aren’t you?”

(Name) glanced between her two friends, pulling out her dagger.

“Wait, what if we make a deal?”

“Oh?”

Both Leorio and (Name) stared at the blonde in confusion.

“I’ll tell you right now, all together we are carrying five badges. The first one is my own, and the second is the one I captured from my target from a battle earlier today. We got the third badge from my targets ally, but it’s only worth one point to either of us. The fourth badge belongs to (Name), and the fifth-“

“That belongs to me!” Leorio said.

“Ahh, so the man in the white button up dress shirt and (Name) don’t have enough to pass.” Hisoka said.

“What’s it to ya!?”

(Name) patted Leorio’s back. ‘Sorry Leorio, but I can’t say that I already have enough points to pass.’

Kurapika explained why some of the badges could only be worth one point to Hisoka, because they were other peoples targets.

“Very impressive, you’re quite right I didn’t pick either of those numbers. Anything else?”

He advanced forward, Kurapika reaching a hand to push (Name) back further. “There’s still two badges we haven’t ruled out.”

He took them out. “Here they are. One badge that’s only worth a single point to us, and my own badge. If you want the badge that’s only worth one point to us, you can have it, but that’s all I’m going to give you, nothing more.”

He dropped his satchel to the ground, picking up his weapons. “If you’d rather settle this by force, I promise it won’t be like last time.”

He used his teeth to unsheathe his weapons, exposing double swords. “This time, I will fight you.”

Leorio pulled out his own dagger, (Name) stepping between them, much to Kurapika’s dismay.

“If you two are fighting, I will as well!”

As the three stood before him, Hisoka began laughing. “Just what is yours and (Name)’s number by the way?”

“#404 and #406.”

It was quiet for a moment before Hisoka spoke again. “Hmm. That’s not what I picked, so neither of you are my targets. You’ve got a deal, I’ll take that extra badge. Who knows, it just might be the one I need.”

Kurapika slowly lowered his weapons, Leorio stepping closer to (Name) as the blonde walked over to a tree, placing the badge in a hole.

“I’ll leave it right here.”

“There’s no need to worry. I’ll stand right here until you’re long gone.”

Before they could leave, Hisoka held up a hand. “Wait.”

They paused, Kurapika holding onto (Name)’s hand.

“I was asked to give these to you, (Name).”

A cloth sack was tossed to her, smacking her in the face. “OH! Um… thank… you?”

Hisoka shrugged, shooing them away with his hand.

The two grunted as they grabbed their belongings, pulling (Name) along with them as they walked backwards into the brush.

She peeked into the bag as they walked, face heating up.

“What is it?” Kurapika asked, attempting to look over her shoulder. She closed the sack tightly, shooing him away.

“Nothing you need to see!”

———————

(Name) pouted as the two scolded her while she tended to the fire.

“You can’t just give up your badge like it’s nothing! Don’t you want to pass?” Leorio flicked her forehand before scowling.

“He’s right, (Name). What if Hisoka took your badge? We’re already trying to find Leorio’s target, we wouldn’t have time to find six badges for you.”

She nodded. “I know. I would have probably just failed.”

They stared at her, Kurapika placing a hand on her shoulder. “(Name). Why did you decide to take the Hunter Exam? It’s like you’re not taking this seriously, but not like Killua.”

The air grew tense, (Name) staring into the flames. “I told you already, I took the exam because I didn’t have any other options.”

Kurapika sighed. “I’m sure you had at least some other options, (Name). So tell us-“

“Kurapika.”

He froze. It was the first time she’d used his full name since she’d given him a nickname days ago.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be more careful, just…”

He pulled away when he saw tears begin to bead at the corners of her eyes. “Please, don’t ask me again.”

The blonde stared wide eyed as tears ran down her cheeks, hands trembling. ‘Did I… did I make her cry?’

Leorio walked over, plopping down beside her. “Come on, (Name). Let’s get you to bed. You took your medicine?”

She nodded, using her sleeve to wipe away her tears. Leorio helped her up and crawled into their shelter with her, pulling her into his chest. “Sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Once she was asleep, Kurapika crawled in as well, lying next to her on the opposite side.

“Don’t beat yourself up over her crying earlier, she’s hormonal. She’ll cry easier than she usually would.”

The blonde sighed. “But I was still the reason for her tears. I’ll apologize in the morning. But for now…”

He pulled her towards him, glaring at Leorio. “You can keep her warm, but keep your hands to yourself.”

Leorio huffed. “You’re acting like an overprotective boyfriend. I’m only holding onto her so she’s protected from the cold. Don’t be selfish.”

Kurapika looked down, seeing her stop shivering when Leorio wrapped his arms around her. He sighed, snuggling into her back. “Fine, but just until this phase is over.”

———————

Three days passed by, the three having no luck with finding Ponzu. The two were waiting by a tree for (Name) to come back from using the bathroom.

“She sure is taking forever. (NAME)! HURRY UP!” Leorio shouted, the blonde smacking him over the head.

“You shouldn’t rush a lady. She’s still… you know. She could be… changing her hygiene products.”

“You mean her pad? Maybe, but it shouldn’t TAKE THAT LONG!”

The bush rustled next to them, (Name) appearing with an irritated expression. “Sure just announce to the world I’m using the bathroom, that’s not embarrassing at all.”

She dried her wet hands on her shirt. “I wash my hands after I use the bathroom, shocker I know. Took me a minute to find a stream.”

Leorio rolled his eyes. “Okay, (Name). Let’s get going.”

They searched for another hour before Kurapika stopped. “Let’s take a break and eat some lunch.” He said this while looking to (Name) who looked tired.

“Our last day on the island is almost over, and I still haven’t found my pretty little princess with the funny hat.”

“Your princess?” Kurapika repeated, snickering.

“Maybe I should go back to the beach where we started. If she’s already got enough points, she might be waiting there with the others.”

Kurapika shook his head, taking a piece of fruit (Name) offered him. “I sincerely doubt that. An important factor in this phase is that even if you’ve had your badge stolen you can always try and steal it back. Even if you’ve collected the six points necessary to pass, you still have to protect them until the time is up. We all finish this phase at the same time.”

He took a bite of the fruit, giving (Name) a smile. Leorio sighed. “Good point.”

“It still might be worth it to take a look. There are only 20 hours left, so anyone who has already obtained the six points to pass this phase would be smart to stay as close as possible to the rallying point. At least, that’s what I would do.”

Leorio stood up. “Alright then, what are we waiting for?”

(Name) pouted. “For me and Kurapika to finish our lunch.”

She leaned against the blonde, cooing. “Right, Pika? Need your strength, huh?”

“Yeah…”

He leaned his head against hers, nuzzling her gently. “Thank you for the extra food, (Name).”

Leorio rolled his eyes. ‘Gross.’

The three made their way to the rallying point, peeking out of a bush. (Name) was taking a short nap on the ground, using Kurapika’s lap as a pillow. She had been a bit lethargic lately, the two allowing her to rest as much as possible.

“Hmm, well, if she is around here she’s doing a good job at hiding.”

Kurapika sighed, absentmindedly rubbing his hand over (Name)’s hair. “Yeah, but she’s going to have to show herself sooner or later. Our chances of finding her are going to be better if we split up, so why don’t we agree on a time and meet back right here?”

“And what if four of us went looking?”

“Gon!?”

(Name) shot awake when she felt something hit the ground around her, Kurapika keeping her steady as she stood up. “Did I hear Gon?”

The boy smiled, walking over to the group. “This is great, I guess we all had the same idea. I’ve been up there for a while, watching a lot of people go by.”

Leorio gasped. “Aw man! I should have been watching from up in a tree.”

“Yeah, right, just leave the tree climbing to Gon.”

Leorio huffed at the blonde. “So, did you ever manage to get the badge you were after?”

“Well… kind of.”

(Name) took a moment to wake up as they talked, blinking sleepily until she could see Gon, and his swollen cheek.

“Gon!”

She stumbled forward, pulling him into a hug. “Aww, I’m so glad you’re okay. Wait, who hurt you?”

“That sure was a delayed response.”

Kurapika elbowed Leorio, gesturing to Gon. His reaction to (Name)’s question concerned the two.

She had him sit down, using a wet cloth to clean off his face before applying a bandage. “Do you need me to carry you? You must be so tired. I did promise you that piggyback ride, yeah?”

Gon sighed, leaning his head against her shoulder. “No, I’ll have to take you up on that later. You’re tired too, (Name).”

There was something about the way she doted on Gon, being so gentle and motherly that made Kurapika’s heart swell. She really was a sweet girl. There was nothing to gain by tending to the boy, but she did anyways, even offering to carry him despite her own aching body.

(Name) reminded Gon of Aunt Mito, the boy relaxing as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Ponzu smells like chemicals huh? That means you’ll be able to track her.”

He nodded. The last few days had been hell for him, the nights spent freezing as he thought of his Aunt Mito. Now (Name) was here, wrapping her cardigan around his shoulders as she fed him fruit and let him drink from her canteen.

“We should get going. Gon, you ready?”

He nodded, standing up. “Yeah, let’s go.”

The boy proudly wore (Name)’s pink cardigan as he tracked Ponzus scent.

——————

They were led to a cave, where Ponzu was supposedly hiding in.

“She’s in there?” Kurapika asked, the boy nodding.

“So my little princess is playing hide and seek? Alright.”

He began walking forward.

“Wait, Leorio, you’re not going in there alone, are you?”

“Why shouldn’t I? Ponzus my target, isn’t she? You guys wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Kurapika shook his head. “That’s a bad idea. You said before that she likes setting traps for her enemies. Going alone is too risky.”

“So what, you want to put us all in danger? Look, I’m the one who needs the points here. I’ll handle this myself.” Leorio replied, turning away.

“Leorio, please don’t!” (Name) called after him, the man hesitating slightly before continuing.

“Leorio!”

“Alright, how about this, we’ll give you 30 minutes. If you’re not back in 30 minutes, we’re coming in after you.” Kurapika offered.

Leorio shook his head. “No forget it. If I don’t come out, you should head back to the rallying point.”

“Then tell me, what was the point of us all teaming up together!?”

Leorio growled. “Fine, we’re disbanding the team!”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“I’m not leaving you, Leorio!”

Gon and (Name) stared at the man, determination in their eyes. “What’s wrong with you guys? I told you not to come with me, didn’t I? Why won’t you listen?!”

“I’m staying no matter what! If you want me to leave, you’re gonna have to make me!” Gon exclaimed.

Leorio sighed, the blonde smiling. “Well? What is it going to be?”

Leorio groaned, glancing between the three. “Okay, whatever. Hang on to this for me.”

He threw his briefcase to (Name). “Oh, sure.”

They watched as Leorio entered the cave, Kurapika sitting down. “Come, (Name). It’s time to rest.”

Gon watched as (Name) beamed at the blonde before leaning her head against his lap to take a little nap.

“It’s only 30 minutes, is that enough time for-“ Gon went quiet when he heard (Name) snore, snuggling into Kurapika’s tabard.

“For her? It’s plenty of time for a nap.”

Kurapika spent the next 20 minutes running his hand over her hair, humming a lullaby he was taught as a child.

“Kurapika, is (Name) important to you?”

The blonde blinked, looking up in surprise. “She.. she is. Very.”

Gon hummed, scooting over to pat her head too. “It’s nice having someone you want to protect, right?”

Kurapika looked down at the girl, who looked perfectly content on his lap. “… yes. It is.”

Gon smiled. “Will you protect her forever?”

Kurapika stayed silent for a moment, his hand cupping her cheek. “I will.”

For the next 10 minutes, Kurapika was absolutely enamored with (Name). Her sweet sleeping face, the way her hand gripped his tabard as she slept, her occasional sleep talk, it all made him smile.

“KURAPIKA, GON, (NAME), STAY BACK! SNAKES!”

“Leorio!”

(Name) squeaked when she felt her head hit the ground, but had no time to react. She was being picked up and thrown over someone’s shoulder, her moment of vision gone after she was thrust into darkness.

‘I’m getting tired of being picked up and carried around…’ (Name) thought, before she was sat down on the cold, rocky ground.

When she was able to look around, she blinked. “Leorio? Ponzu? What happened while I was asleep?”

She received no answer, her two friends kneeling at Leorio’s side. “What happened?”

“Are you okay?”

(Name) stretched before crawling over. “Leorio?”

“You stupid idiots… I told you not to come in here…” Leorio groaned out.

“This is bad, he has snake bites covering most of his body. I only hope they’re not venomous.” Kurapika said, looking over Leorio’s body. (Name) lifted his head, setting it in her lap to keep him comfortable.

“I’m pretty sure these snakes are vipers! I don’t think they have enough venom to kill someone!” Gon explained, holding up a dead snake.

“Ew, put that down! Good think I carry hand sanitizer. Could catch a disease…”

She grabbed his hands, spraying them with her hand sanitizer. The boy pouted, but let her clean his hands.

“Yeah, but most people don’t get this many bites. We better administer first aid. I’ll need some light.”

Gon took Ponzus light, (Name) staring in disgust as he lowered his mouth onto one of Leorio’s bites.

“Gon. You are not about to-“

He spit out of of Leorio’s blood, (Name) gagging. “Gon!”

She pulled him away. “I know you’re trying to help, but if you have even a tiny cut in your mouth, the venom could travel through your blood stream!”

“She’s right…” Leorio grumbled.

“Plus you have no idea if Leorio is carrying any diseases.”

“HEY!”

“I agree with (Name), it would be unwise to even drink after him.”

“Kurapika if I could move right now I would kick your ass for that one.”

(Name) patted his head. “Oh, come on Leorio. What if I had some kind of disease?”

“I’d still tap it.”

“Leorio there are children present. And Kurapika.”

The blonde’s eyebrow twitched, slamming Leorio’s briefcase a bit harder than necessary. “We’re going to have to give him an antidote right away. I would feel bad hitting an injured man.”

(Name) applied bandages to his wounds, before feeling his forehead. “He’s coming down with a fever…”

“I can’t find anything that looks like an antidote in here! We have to take him to a doctor, or he won’t survive.” Kurapika said, running his hand through his hair.

The two lifted him up, (Name) following behind them carrying his briefcase. “We’ll have to carry him all the way back to the rallying point.”

“(Name), I wouldn’t do that. Believe me, you don’t want to take another step towards the exit of this cave.”

She stopped, turning to the green haired girl. Ponzu looked… concerned?

“Yeah, why not?” Kurapika asked, keeping an eye on the girl.

“Because of the snakes. Can’t you hear them? Those are Bourbon’s snakes. He set a trap.” Ponzu replied.

“A trap?”

“That’s right, it’s been set for anyone that tries to leave this cave. A thousand snakes will attack at the same time. And you’re right, a single bite won’t kill you, but if you’re bitten by this many of them you’ll end up just like Leorio. You’ll be paralyzed and eventually die. It’s exactly what the snake charmer wanted. We’re all stuck in here together. There’s no way for us to leave.”

(Name) nodded, gesturing for them to lay Leorio back down. They did, and she placed a wet rag on his head.

“Bourbon, you’re after our number badges aren’t you? If that’s what you want, they’re yours!” Kurapika called out, holding his badge. Gon nodded in agreement.

“You can have all the badges I’ve got too, but you have to let us leave now!”

“Bourbon, say something!”

Ponzu sighed, joining (Name) and placing a hand on her back comfortingly.

“It’s no use, he’s not going to remove his trap no matter how many badges you offer him.”

“But why not?”

Kurapika’s eyes narrowed, watching Ponzu, not liking that she was touching (Name).

“Yeah, how can you be so sure?”

“Well, because…”

“He’s already dead.”

(Name) finished Ponzu’s sentence, staring at the corpse of Bourbon.

“Huh?”

All three of them stared at her, Ponzu’s eyes wide. “How did you know?”

(Name) looked between the three. “He uh… he just doesn’t feel alive, ya know?”

Silence.

“And he hasn’t blinked the whole time we’ve been here.”

“Ohhh!”

(Name) rolled her eyes. ‘Guess… it’s not normal to feel if someone is dead or alive just by their vibe. Hmm…’

She let the three talk as she took care of Leorio.

“That’s right, it was me. I was the one who killed him. How I did it will be my little secret.”

‘Okay, go Ponzu! I support women’s rights and wrongs.’

She didn’t say this aloud though, because Kurapika would scold her.

(Name) did however, stand up and begin approaching Bourbons body while they were distracted. ‘There must be an antidote on his body somewhere. If he uses poison as a method of attack, he’d need an antidote to bargain with.’

“(Name), wait!”

She felt her sleeve being pulled, saving her just before snakes leaped out to protect their masters corpse.

Ponzu sighed, pulling the girl closer to her. “I could have told you that wasn’t going to work. He’s their master, and even though he’s dead they’re still trying to protect him. So it doesn’t matter if you want to leave this place or go near him. If you try to do either of these two things, all the snakes will instantly attack you.”

Kurapika grabbed (Name)’s arm, pulling her away from Ponzu. “(Name), are you alright?”

Ponzu raised an eyebrow at the blonde, but stayed quiet. ‘Was she telling the truth about them not dating? He’s weirdly protective.’

(Name) nodded, patting his shoulder. “I’m fine, Pika. Not a single bite!”

He nodded slowly, cupping both of her cheeks, squishing them. “You need to be careful, you reckless girl. Do I need to hold your hand through the entire exam?”

She pouted. “I wouldn’t mind if you did…”

Kurapika blinked, his cheeks turning pink. He let go of her cheeks, crossing them over his chest. “Well, perhaps I will.”

Ponzu tried to hold back a laugh. ‘He’s way too obvious.’

Gon pulled on (Name)’s sleeve then pointed to Leorio. “Oh, yes, I’ll look after him. Don’t worry!”

Kurapika watched as she scurried away, sitting back down to take care of Leorio.

The three continued to talk, (Name) not paying any attention. She continued to bandage his injuries, occasionally feeling his head to check if his fever had gone down. ‘No luck…’

(Name) watched as Ponzu revealed she had bees in her hat. ‘Wow, Girlboss.’

Ponzu explained that each badge had a tracker, so they’d know where the applicants were at all times.

When Ponzu said she had been stuck in the cave for several days before they’d shown up, (Name) immediately began to rummage through her backpack.

“Ponzu, here.”

She placed a few granola bars and a canteen of water in front of her. “(Name)…”

The green haired girl scooped up the food and water, taking off the wrappers and shoving it into her mouth. Kurapika smiled warmly from across the room as (Name) patted her back. “Easy, you’ll choke.”

“Hasn’t she been saving those for emergencies?” Gon whispered to Kurapika. The blonde sighed.

“I guess to her, helping someone she barely knows is an emergency.”

(Name) continued to care for Leorio as Ponzu explained she had tried to help, but Leorio wouldn’t listen.

‘Sounds like Leorio.’ (Name) thought as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“I still can’t believe that, he knew they were going to attack. All we can do is hope he has enough strength to relax until the morning. That’s the only chance he’s got.”

Kurapika stood, turning to Bourbon. “Pika? What are you thinking?”

He placed a hand on the top of her head, about to move when Gon stood. “Kurapika, take care of Leorio for me. I’m sure it’s there.”

(Name) raised an eyebrow. ‘There’s no way this 12 year old gets to risk his life and not be stopped, but I get scolded for it.’

And that’s exactly what happened. She watched as Gon was attacked by the snakes, in both awe and anger.

“Oh my god it bit his ear! What assholes!”

Kurapika ignored her comment, grabbing the antidote. (Name) snatched the antidote and injected it into Leorio’s arm. “Sorry, I keep forgetting you have medical experiences.”

She didn’t answer, quickly moving onto Gon. (Name) didn’t pay attention to the other two, focusing on her injured friends.

“You feeling okay, sweetheart?”

Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched. Leorio held onto her hand. “I’d feel even better… with a kiss…”

“If he can make jokes he should be fine.”

Kurapika pushed (Name) away a bit, creating some space between the two. “Pikaa! Don’t get between us, I gotta take care of him!”

He pouted, but moved out of the way. “Hmph…”

“Ponzu, I have a question.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Do you have any of that sleeping gas left?”

“Hmm? A little, how come?”

“Cuz I thought you might trade some of it… for this!” Gon pulled out Bourbons badge.

(Name) continued to care for Leorio as they talked.

“Are you absolutely sure you can do this?”

“9 minutes, that’s my personal record for the longest time I’ve held my breath.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure that’s when you were totally healthy. Your body still hasn’t recovered from all that venom yet!”

‘Wait, 9 minutes? Is that possible? Is Gon human? I’ll ask him later.’ (Name) thought, packing her bag.

Kurapika and Leorio placed their trust in Gon. “Oh, I trust him too.” (Name) said, giving a thumbs up.

Ponzu released the sleeping gas after Gon took a deep breath. Before they fell asleep, Kurapika kneeled down and pulled (Name) into his arms.

———————

(Name) awoke to the feeling of someone gently running her hand over her hair. “Hmm..?”

“(Name), you’re awake.”

Kurapika smiled down at her. (Name) couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t smiling when looking at her.

“How long was I asleep for?”

He pushed some of her hair out of her face. “Long enough for the phase to finish.”

“What!?”

(Name) looked around, seeing that they were no longer on the island, but an airship. “Pikaa, why didn’t you wake me up?”

He laughed, pulling her into a hug. “Would you believe it if I said you were too cute to wake up?”

She gasped, the blonde able to feel her cheeks warming up against his shoulder. “Cute?”

“Yes, very.”

She stayed quiet, wrapping her arms around him. “Don’t tease me, Pika.”

He didn’t answer, but smiled. Leorio watched from across them with a raised eyebrow. “Can you two not, I just ate breakfast.”

(Name) pulled away, cheeks hot. “Oh… sorry.”

She sat a few feet away from Kurapika, sneaking glances at him.

“Did… did Gon and Killua pass?”

Kurapika nodded. “Yes, they did. Would you like to see them?”

“Yes please!”

Kurapika led her out of the room by the hand, Leorio falling back asleep.

They spotted Gon and Killua talking by the window, (Name) dropping Kurapika’s hand to run towards them.

“Gon! Killua!”

They turned their heads just in time to see her tackle them into a hug, kissing the tops of their heads. “You guys passed, I’m so proud! I knew you could do it!”

Gon beamed, Killua half heartedly swatting her arms away. “Hey!”

But anyone could tell he wasn’t actually trying to push her away, just by the content look on his face.

“Aww, I love you too, Killua. You too, Gon.”

Kurapika had been smiling at her sweet gesture, but it dropped the moment she said those words.

‘She… she loves… them?’

A realization dawned on him. She’d never specified that she was IN love with him, just that she loved him. He had just assumed that was what she meant.

Why did he feel so disappointed?

After cooing over the two boys and giving them candy for their hard work, Kurapika softly announced that there was a meeting for the remaining applicants.

“Pika?”

She offered her hand to him, and he took it. ‘Even if… even if she’s not in love with me, I still… I still want to be by her side… why is that?’

They stood next to each other, hand in hand as Netero walked in.

“I’d like to welcome you all here. Congratulations to all nine of you for making it to the final phase. I’m delighted and surprised to discover that seven of you are rookies. On average, one rookie passes the exam every 3 years or so. I think it’s actually been 10 years now since a rookie passed the exam, and suddenly this year we have so many talented new applicants.”

(Name) looked around the room, disappointed to not see Ponzu there. Pokkle was, though, and he was giving her a knowing smile.

“The final phase will be taking place in 3 days time at the Hunters Association Hotel. Until then, get some rest, you’re going to need it.”

“Just one question, what’s the final phase going to be?” Leorio asked.

“It’s a secret!”

“Secret!?”

“Gives you something to look forward to.”

Netero left, leaving the group of ten alone.

(Name), Kurapika, Gon, Killua, Leorio, Pokkle, Bodoro, and Ponzu sat in a circle. (Name) had her head in Kurapika’s lap, his hand resting on her head.

“Last time we were on this airship it was completely packed, now with only 10 of us on board, it sure feels empty.” Hanzo said, glancing at (Name) and Kurapika.

“What the old man was saying before I sure don’t like the sound of. I wonder what he has planned for us.”

Kurapika hummed. “Whatever it is, worrying about it now won’t make any difference.”

“Would you stop being such a downer? Everyone here’s tense, so the least you could do is lighten the mood!”

Kurapika glanced around the circle, then down at (Name) who held onto his tabard which a frown on her lips.

“Oh… I didn’t realize.”

Leorio sighed. “You know guys, we’ve all worked so hard. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all pass together?”

Killua snickered. “Seriously? Back when we were in trick tower you said you’d do anything to pass, even fight your friends.”

“So what? That was then, this is now!”

“You know, it’s kind of pointless for rookies to lead this discussion, we should be asking for information from whoever has the most experience.”

They glanced at Pokkle. “Hey, don’t look at me guys! I failed the fourth phase three years ago! I’ve never made it to the final phase before.”

“Well that was useless, thanks for nothing.”

(Name) sat up. “Hey, don’t be mean to Pokkle!”

She threw her shoe at the ninja, the man catching it and placing it behind him. Kurapika raised an eyebrow at this, causing Hanzo to sigh and throw it back.

(Name) pouted as Kurapika put her shoe back on, retying it for her. She ignored Bodoro’s explanation, cuddling into Kurapika’s tabard. He didn’t mind, even enjoying the fuzzy feelings she gave him.

She rubbed her eyes. (Name) was getting sleepy again.

“What’s that? Are you going to tell us or not?”

“What’s left is the wide range of knowledge required of all Hunters! Prepare yourself for a written exam!”

(Name) jumped at the sound of the entire room gasping, scowling. ‘Can’t they let a lady have her beauty sleep? Hmph…’

“Come on, (Name). You can be my study buddy.” Kurapika hoisted her onto his back, carrying her to the library.

“Hey, I haven’t agreed yet!”

He glanced back at her. “Oh? Are you going to study with someone else?”

She giggled. “No, of course not.”

——————

(Name) and Leorio sat in the library after Kurapika left. The taller man had just been scolded for trying to cheat by Pokkle, and begged (Name) to help him.

“I’ll be right back, (Name). I need to… use the bathroom.”

“Oh, okay! Wash your hands!”

He sighed. “I’m not a child you know.”

Leorio left, after he closed the door, he smirked.

‘Now that she’s distracted, I can go through her bag and get some of her snacks…’

The tall man snuck down the hallway, feeling a little guilty. ‘Well, it’s just for now. After the exam I’ll pay her back with as many snacks as she wants…’

Leorio walked into the room they would be sleeping in, spotting (Name)’s backpack leaning against Kurapika’s satchel. He crouched down, picking it up.

Leorio opened the bag, beginning to rummage through it. He pulled out various items of clothing, quickly noticing that none of the things he pulled out were pairs on underwear.

Although Leorio hadn’t come looking for panties, he now couldn’t stop thinking about it. ‘Where is she hiding them?’

He unzipped a pouch, immediately smirking. ‘There they are.’

Leorio had found where she kept her panties, pulling out pair after pair. ‘She wouldn’t notice if I took a pair or two… there’s plenty of them, I can pick whichever pair I want.’

He continued to pull out pairs, humming as he looked over them. ‘Hmm… should I do the pair with the red hearts, or the pink ones with polka dots?”

He paused, seeing something white peeking out of the pouch. ‘Hmm? Did I miss a pair?’

He reached into the pouch, but instead of pulling out another pair of panties, it was a white envelope.

‘Oh!’

A grin spread across his face. ‘Is this a love letter or something? Juicy!’

The envelope was unsealed, the man easily able to get access to the letter within.

He unfolded it, and as his eyes scanned over the letter, his face fell.

‘Oh… oh my god…’

—————

Kurapika glanced at Netero as he explained that all the applicants were being interviewed. “Who are you interested in, and who would you prefer not to fight?”

Kurapika pointed to (Name), Gon, and Hisoka.

“Gon and (Name) for positive reasons, Hisoka for negative ones. Given the right reason, I’d fight anyone. But without good reason, I won’t fight at all. However…”

Kurapika glanced at (Name)’s picture again, his eyes softening. “I would have the most trouble fighting her.”

Netero nodded. “Alright, you’re dismissed.”

Kurapika walked out of the interview, spotting (Name) waiting for him. “Pika!”

She ran towards him, smiling. “Did it go well?”

He nodded, patting her shoulder. “Yes, it did. After Killua, you’re up. You haven’t gone yet, correct?”

He nodded, Kurapika promising to wait outside for her.

“#406!”

(Name) sighed. “I’ll be back in a moment, Pika. Will you miss me?”

She was teasing, but he nodded without hesitation. “I will.”

She turned away quickly so she couldn’t see her flustered face.

(Name) sat in front of Netero, still a little giddy from Kurapika’s comment.

“Hello, #406. Congratulations on making it this far. I have a few questions for you, then you’ll be free to go.”

She nodded, looking over the pictures.

“First, who out of your fellow applicants are you most interested in?”

She blushed, her eyes immediately drawn to Kurapika. “Him, #404.”

Netero smiled. “Your boyfriend, correct?”

(Name)’s jaw dropped. “Boyfriend!? No, no we aren’t dating. Who told you that?”

Netero blinked. From the information he’d heard from several people, they seemed to be inseparable, constantly holding hands, occasionally giving each other pecks on the cheeks and forehead.

“Oh, um… next question. Out of the applicants, who would you least likely want to fight?”

She looked over the applicants. “I wouldn’t want to fight any of these 4, or #44, Hisoka.”

She pointed to her friends and Hisoka.

“(Name), I ask that you be completely honest. I’m using this information to make the final phase.”

(Name) played with her skirt. “Well… I was lying about #44. If I had to, I would fight him.”

Netero seemed intrigued by this. “Really? What would be a reason to fight him?”

She tilted her head. “If it mean saving my friends, I would throw my life away to distract Hisoka in a heartbeat.”

This seemed to slightly surprise the old man, who quickly recovered. “I see, so you’re aware of how dangerous Hisoka is.”

She nodded.

“I see, you’re dismissed.”

(Name) left the room, Kurapika looking up from the book he’s borrowed from the library. “Would you like to go eat dinner?”

(Name) nodded, taking his hand. “That sounds like a great idea, Pika.”

Kurapika sat across from her at a booth as they ate, (Name) kicking her feet happily. For the past week neither of them had been eating enough, and now they were catching up on their lost meals.

“Mmm, I never knew plain chicken noodle soup could taste so good!”

She drank the broth, before sighing contentedly. “I thought the food you made for us was delicious, (Name).”

She giggled, waving her hand. “Oh, you’re such a sweet talker. Gonna make me blush, Pika!”

He laughed, leaning his head against his hand. “It’s the truth. I could eat anything you make, forever.”

She did feel her face heat up at that. “Well… I would do that. If… you wanted.”

Kurapika’s cheeks turned pink at the implication that to make food for him forever, they’d have to stay together. “I… I would really like that.”

He reached out to hold her hand, eyes a pretty shade of red.

“(Name), I…”

He was about to say something, but stopped when Killua and Gon walked up. “(Name), can we have some candy? All of the cafeteria food is laaame!”

(Name) laughed. “You can have some candy after you eat dinner.”

Killua pouted, but didn’t disagree.

She stood up, patting Kurapika’s arm. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go grab my bag real quick!”

He sighed, watching as she walked away with lovesick eyes. Killua raised an eyebrow, but ignored him to get dinner with Gon.

(Name) walked down the hallway, humming to herself. ‘Hmm, wonder what I should do during the next phase…’

Before she could think about the next phase anymore, she crashed into someone’s chest. “Eek! Sorry, I- oh, hey Leorio!”

She smiled up at him, her happy expression faltering when she spotted his tears. “Leorio? Are you o-“

He pulled her into his arms, squeezing her so tight that she had to smack his arm to let her go. “L-Leorio, can’t! Breathe!”

He let her go slightly, silent as he grabbed her arm and pulled up her sleeve. He said nothing as he examined her other arm as well, moving on to kneel down and check her thighs.

“L-Leorio, what’s gotten into you!?”

She pulled away, covering herself. The man breathed a sigh of relief, but his relief didn’t last long. Leorio stood up and rushed to the bathroom, leaving (Name) confused.

‘Is he alright?’

———————

Leorio kneeled down in front of the toilet, vomiting up whatever had been on his stomach.

‘God… oh god…’

He heaved, leaning away to think back to the contents of that letter.

‘To whomever finds this letter,

My name is (Name) (Last Name). I am the first born daughter to (Father) and (Mother). I have two younger siblings, Mint and Pepper. As I write this, I am 18 years of age.

Soon, I will be taking the Hunter Exam. I have been disowned by my family, and have no other options. If I am being honest, I do not expect to survive, and I do not want to.

If this letter is found on my dead body, please do not blame the killer. This is what I wanted, I am not angry. I knew what I was getting into.

Regards, (Name)’

If that wasn’t enough, written on the back in a different colored pen was another message.

‘To my new friends,

I’m sorry for constantly worrying you all. I came here to die, and though that is still what I want, you four have made my time during this exam a little more bearable. When I say that I love each of you dearly, I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Gon, you are the incarnation of kindness and I hope you never lose your smile. You mean so much to so many people, even if you don’t know that sometimes. Weakness is just an opportunity to become stronger, so remember you have friends to rely on.

Leorio, you may not know it, but you are kind as well. I have left the location of my old textbooks and notes below. I wish you the best, and hope you become an amazing doctor. I believe in you, even in death I am rooting for you!

Killua, you are more than your blood ties. Being an assassin may be what you were trained to be, but I know you can be so much more. You’re intelligent, strong, and most importantly you have a good heart. Despite everything, you still smile at the ones you care about. That’s what makes you human.

Kurapika, how do I even start? You are the only person I’ve ever fallen in love with. Your gentle kindness and compassion won me over immediately. I’m sure it’s obvious how much I care for you, and I almost don’t want you to feel the same way. I want you to know that I love you, and if you love me too, please forget me and live your life to the fullest. You deserve happiness, and I wish I could have given that to you.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to continue this journey with you all. I’m just so tired, and if I’m dead, it’ll mean a burden off of many peoples shoulders. Please, never blame yourselves. This decision was made far before I met any of you.

With the utmost love, (Name).’

Leorio held his stomach, tears streaming down his face. (Name), the girl who gave all of them nothing but kindness and love, had been suffering so much in silence.

Even in her suicide note, she’d done nothing but try to reassure and comfort them. She genuinely, truly loved them.

“(Name)… why… why would you do this?”

He wiped the vomit from his mouth with a paper towel, stumbling over to the sink to wash his face.

Leorio was terrified. There was still one phase left of the exam, and it was possible it could end in her death. She’d made it obvious she didn’t want to survive the exam, and he wasn’t sure when she’d updated her letter.

When he checked her arms, he’d found no evidence of self harm, only a few scars and scratches she’d received during the exam.

‘But being reckless with her life is a form of self harm, all on it’s own.’

The puzzles were clicking into place. The look on her face while sitting on the edge of the platform and betting her life during Trick Tower, her throwing herself in front of Killua even when she knew he could dodge, her offering her badge to Hisoka just a few days ago, it all pointed to her disregard for her life.

‘How didn’t I realize sooner? She’s been suffering in silence this entire time… I…’

He stumbled out of the bathroom and back to (Name) who was handing out candy to the two boys. He watched her from a distance for a moment, trying to see if he could see any trace of sadness that would have clued him in.

But (Name) was no stranger to hiding her pain. She expertly smiled, Leorio now barely able to notice how she looked almost tired afterwards, like smiling was a chore.

‘(Name)…’

But when Kurapika looked at her, it’s like her face lit up, eyes sparkling with a light they didn’t have when she wasn’t being looked at.

‘She… she’s in love with him.’

Leorio left the cafeteria, eyes red from crying. He wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t confront her about the letter now, it would only stress her out. All he could do was watch over her, and try his best to keep her from getting herself hurt.

He didn’t yet know how hard that would be.

———————

Kurapika sighed contentedly, planting a kiss on top of (Name)’s head. She was asleep in his arms, face pressed against his chest.

They’d spent nearly all day catching up on sleep, taking Netero’s advice to rest.

(Name) had insisted on cuddling, though Kurapika didn’t need much convincing. He was growing addicted to her touch, never feeling quite right unless she was nearby. ‘So pretty…’

He pulled away slightly so he could see her face, cupping her cheek gently. The blonde wanted to stay like this forever, gazing at her sleeping face while her arms were wrapped around him, keeping him warm.

“Pikaaa!”

He barely held back a chuckle when her eyes slowly blinked open. “Yes, (Name)?”

“I’m starving. Wanna eat with me?”

He sighed, pulling her close. “Five more minutes.”

She whined. “Ughh, Pika…”

But she didn’t try to move out of his grasp, in fact she sighed and cuddled closer. “I like when you hold me, Pika. Makes me feel safe…”

He felt his heart thump against his chest, face burning red. “I… I will hold you whenever you want, (Name). I’ll never deny you.”

“Really? Do you really mean that, Pika?”

She was looking up at him with those sparkling (e/c) eyes. He could feel her grip on his tabard tighten, her tone almost desperate.

“Yes, yes I promise.”

He held onto her hands, leaning his forehead against hers. Kurapika’s eyes shot open when he felt something wet against fall onto his hands.

She was crying.

“(Name)? (Name) are you alright?”

He cupped her cheeks, thumbs swiping at her tears. He was panicked, eyes gone wide at the sight of her tears.

“No, no I’m alright. I’m just… I’m just so happy.”

She gave him the prettiest smile he’d ever seen, laughing as he desperately wiped at his tears. “Sorry for worrying you, Pika.”

She held his hand on her cheek, moving her lips to kiss his palm. “Thank you, thank you for caring for me. I… it’s really saved me.”

He didn’t understand how he saved her, and he was barely listening. The feeling of her lips on his palm had his mind and heart racing.

“Let’s go get some lunch, okay?”

He could only nod as she led him to the cafeteria, eyes half lidded.

Gon and Killua were already there, eating lunch. (Name) and Kurapika sat next to them after getting their food, the blonde leaning against her shoulder as they ate.

“(Name)! Have you seen Leorio today?”

She tilted her head. “This morning, yeah, but he’s been off studying since then.”

Gon sighed. “I’m worried. Last night he seemed so anxious, and his face was pale.”

(Name) thought back to his strange behavior, munching on her sandwich. “… I’m worried too. After lunch, I’ll go check on him.”

Kurapika nodded, (Name) feeding him a grape. “I’ll come with- oh, thank you.”

Killua gagged. “Gross. Go be lovey-dovey somewhere else, I’m gonna puke.”

(Name) laughed. “I can feed you grapes too if you want, Killua.”

He pouted, but didn’t protest when she slid into the booth next to him and fed him grapes. Kurapika scowled, but didn’t do anything about it.

After lunch, (Name) walked over to the library, where Pokkle and Leorio were cramming.

“Leorio, Pokkle, I brought some snacks for you.”

Pokkle looked up, smiling at the girl. “Oh, (Name), thank you! When I get so focused on something I forget to eat.”

He munched on the plate of food, Leorio setting his book down to glance at her.

“… you feeling alright, (Name)?”

She tilted her head. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

Pokkle stopped. “Oh, is it because of…”

He gestured around her stomach area. “You know?”

(Name) stared at him for a moment. “You’d better clarify, Pokkle.”

The boy panicked, waving his hands in the air.

“Your… your period?”

He seemed nervous, playing with his food. She snickered. “You and Pika are so awkward. Yeah, I’m okay, besides some cramps.”

That hadn’t been what Leorio was talking about. He was worried about her mental health, but sighed. “Im glad you’re doing better, then.”

Pokkle glanced at Leorio before scooting towards her to whisper. “Did you get the package?”

“Package?” She blinked, also whispering.

“The… the menstrual products. Hisoka was supposed to give them to you.”

“THAT WAS YOU?!”

Leorio jumped when she yelled, being even more surprised when she gave the brown haired boy a hug. “Pokkle you’re a life saver! I thought I was going to run out b-“

He pulled away, cheeks a little pink as he shook his head. “No, I don’t deserve any credit for that. Ponzu, my girlfriend is the one that arranged it.”

(Name) nodded, standing up. “Really? That’s so sweet of her!”

Pokkle looked down at his lap. “(Name), I really appreciate you giving Ponzu food and overall just being nice to her. I couldn’t find her the whole fourth phase, I was scared she…”

He cleared his throat. “Anyways, doctors said that because she was able to eat something before they found her, that she was going to be okay. She… wanted me to say she’s grateful for your help.”

(Name) waves her hands. “No, it was nothing I promise. I’m sure she would have done the same.”

But she wouldn’t have. Pokkle was beginning to realize that (Name) highly overestimated the kindness of others, and because of that he understood why Ponzu had asked him that favor.

“Pokkle, I want you to keep an eye on (Name). She’s kind of reckless, and I’m… worried about her.”

Pokkle sighed, patting her shoulder. “If you need anything (Name), I’ll be willing to help.”

She smiled before leaving, waving to the two. Leorio glanced at Pokkle, noticing the worried look in his eyes.

‘So I’m not the only one that has caught on.’

———————

The next morning, (Name) walked with the other five into the site for the Final Phase. They stood in front of Chairman Netero.

“The final phase will be a 1v1 fighting tournament. I’ve made a chart that shows who will be fighting who in the tournament.”

The sheet fell from the chart, earning gasps from the 10 applicants. “It can’t be…” Kurapika said, his grip on (Name)’s arm tightening.

“Is that thing right?” Leorio asked.

“At the end of this tournament…”

“Only one of us passes?” Killua finished for Gon.

(Name) followed Kurapika’s gaze, seeing that he was pitted against Hisoka. She made a distressed noise, tugging on his sleeve. The blonde pulled her a little closer, soothing rubbing her arm.

“Oh man, are you up against Hisoka in the first match?”

He nodded at Leorio’s question. “Hey, do whatever you can to beat this guy, don’t let him advance to the next round.”

“I’ll win, no matter what.”

(Name) jumped when Netero laughed.

“I know this might look daunting, but here’s the thing. In order to pass the final, all you have to do is win one match.”

The applicants gasped.

“You see, in this tournament it isn’t the winners who move up, the losers of each match are the ones that advance to the next round. So whoever reaches the end and loses will be the or that fails.”

Leorio sighed. “What a relief, he should of told us sooner, this isn’t going to be hard at all.”

He gasped. “Kurapika, I changed my mind, you gotta lose.”

“Be quiet and let me think! I have a feeling there’s more to it than that, but there’s no way to be sure until we’re done fighting.”

(Name) looked at the board, spotting who she’d be fighting against. “#301, that’s…”

She glanced over to the man with the purple Mohawk and needles coming out of his face. Leorio looked to the chart, then followed her gaze.

‘That’s who she’s fighting? He looks terrifying. I’m sure he’d have no problem killing her…’

Leorio scowled, looking down at his shorter friend. She stood no chance against the man, Leorio was sure of it.

“Alright then! If you have any questions, we’ll have time to address it later! Before we do that, I’d like to announce the matches for the first round of the tournament. Please listen for your name and your opponent.”

The man took a deep breath before announcing the round. “The first match will be, applicant #44 and applicant number #404. Hisoka vs Kurapika!”

Kurapika relaxed slightly when he felt (Name)’s fingers interlock with his. She snuck a glance at him, finding him also sneaking a glance. When they’d eyes met, they smiled, both internally wishing the other good luck.

——————

“The rules for the matches are very simple. There are no restrictions, you can use any weapons you like. In order to win, your opponent must forfeit by admitting defeat. However, if you kill your opponent during the match, you will immediately be disqualified. And as there can be only on loser, the rest of the group will automatically pass, and the test will be over. Is that clear?”

(Name) tensed slightly, her grip on Kurapika’s hand tightening. Leorio noticed this, both relieved and nervous.

‘She’s probably upset that she likely will not be killed during this phase the final one. If my theory is correct…’

His thoughts trailed off as Chairman Netero continued.

“It’s a great accomplishment to have made it here, to the final phase. And as the chairman of the exam committee, I’d like to say how proud I am of each and every one of you. You are now only one win away from becoming fully lisvensed members of a society of Hunters. I wish you all the best of luck in your matches. Now, let the first round of the final phse begin.”

(Name) squeezed Kurapika’s hand before she let go, allowing him to walk forward, but the blonde turned around last second, pulling her into a quick hug.

“I’ll come back to you a winner, okay? I promise.”

She felt his lips brush against her cheek in a secret kiss before he turned back around and marched into the ring.

“You can do it!” Gon yelled, the blonde turning his head.

“That’s right, and I will.”

Leorio groaned. “What are you talking about? I told you to lose!”

“Hmph. I live only for one reason. As long as I hear the voices of my people calling to me, as long as their eyes are in the hands of thieves and murderers, I won’t stop until I gain vengeance. And that is why I have to become a hunter.”

But even as he said this, the first thing that popped up into his mind was (Name). When he tilted his head to give her one last smile before his match, he paused for just a moment.

She didn’t look scared, or excited for him. She looked… sad. He’d never seen such a look on her face before, it looked almost… empty. If he didn’t have his match, he would have rushed to ask her what was wrong.

But he didn’t. Becoming a Hunter came first, even before (Name).

He scolded himself. ‘What am I thinking, ‘even before (Name)’, of course my mission comes before her…’

His heart thumped against his chest painfully though, when he remembered her face.

‘Just focus on the match. Don’t think about her for now.’

He took in a deep breath.

“Ready? Begin!”

(Name) couldn’t watch past Kurapika unsheathing his swords. She hid her face in Leorio’s chest, the man sighing.

“I’ll tell you when it’s over, okay?”

She listened to the others occasionally cheer him on or gasp in shock.

“KURAPIKA!”

“Damn you Hisoka! What the hell do you think you’re doing!? You can’t kill you opponent or else you’ll be disqualified!”

(Name)’s eyes went wide, the girl turning to look. Kurapika was on the ground, his white undershirt torn and bloody.

“Pika?”

Leorio watched as her lip quivered, tears entering her eyes. Kurapika stood, immediately swinging his sword to attack Hisoka, you kicked him in the stomach and sent him flying across the room.

“Kurapika… you’ve had enough, stay down. Don’t get up, you’ll get another match.”

Leorio put his hand on (Name)’s shoulder. He was worried for Kurapika, but he was worried for (Name) as well. She looked terrified, like her entire world was crashing down around her.

The blonde stood again, wielding his sword.

Killua grabbed (Name)’s hand. “Nothing we can say will make him quit, all we can do is stand back and watch him fight.”

(Name) watched as Kurapika’s eyes turned red, but not the pretty shade of scarlet she was used to. No, those were the color of anger, hot, fiery red.

“HISOKA!”

He attacked Hisoka, landing a good hit on him. (Name) looking away again when she saw Hisokas expression.

“I forfeit. I’d rather wait for the next round. I can do that, can’t I?”

(Name) gasped, immediately rushing into the ring to pull Kurapika into her arms.

“Hey-ouch!”

He gasped when she squeezed him, the girl pulling away. “Oh, sorry Pika! You’re hurt…”

The blonde smiled at her, the harsh red of his eyes fading to that scarlet color that only she got to see. “I told you I’d win, (Name).”

This time he wrapped his arms around her, the other contestants and examiners watching curiously. He used his thumbs to swipe away her tears. “Don’t cry, (Name). I’m alright, so dry up those tears, okay?”

She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder.

“Come on, Pika. Let’s get you fixed up, okay?”

She led him away by the hand, still sniffling.

“Can I have your attention please? The second match will begin 30 minutes from now. All applicants meet back up at that time. You’re dismissed.

——————

(Name) bandaged Kurapika’s injuries as him and Leorio talked. He leaned his head against her shoulder, his shirt sitting in her lap.

“While I’m glad you may be getting some information from Hisoka about the spiders, I’m still upset that you kept going, even after getting hurt.”

She was pouting as she bandaged his side, the blonde chuckling aginst his shoulder. “I apologize for worrying you, (Name). Will you forgive me?”

He looked up at her through his blonde lashes, the girl sighing. “Of course I will, especially when you’re giving me those puppy dog eyes.”

He smiled, cupping her cheek. “Your match is after Gon’s. I’m…”

He looked down, a frown on his lips. She reached up, brushing a stand of hair out of his face. “No matter what happens, just know that this has been the highlight of my life. And hey, on the bright side, if he kills me then all of our other friends will p-“

He looked up, eyes burning red. “What are you talking about? There would be no bright side to your death. I…”

The image of her corpse filled his mind, making him groan. “No… no I can’t lose you too. Not you.”

Leorio’s eyes softened. “She’ll be alright, Kurapika. She…”

(Name) wrapped her arms around Kurapika, holding onto him so tight he winced. “I… I’ll try my best, Kurapika. So please, don’t worry about me.”

He pulled away slightly slightly to look her in the eye. “I think I’ll worry regardless. You’re… you’re very important to me, (Name). If you died, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

She felt tears well up in her eyes, the blonde unable to keep his own eyes dry. “Pika…”

Leorio pulled the both of them into a hug. “Let’s not talk about the possibility of anyone dying, alright? We’ll just wish (Name) luck.”

The three stayed like that for a minute, Kurapika taking in (Name)’s warmth and sweet scent before they broke apart. Leorio helped (Name) to her feet as Kurapika began walking into the building to watch Gon’s match.

“It’s time for the second match of the final phase! Hanzo vs Gon!”

(Name) sat down on the floor, beginning to stitch up Kurapika’s torn shirt. Although she wasn’t as talented at sewing as she was at knitting, she could at least make his shirt wearable again.

She glanced up to watch Gon and Hanzos match begin.

“Ready? Begin!”

Gon attempted to outrun Hanzo several times, only for the ninja to instantly catch up to him.

She gasped when the ninja chop him on his neck, sending him to the floor.

“If this was a regular fight this would be over now, but it’s not. So you’re going to have to wake up.”

(Name) watched as he sat Gon up. “I bet you’re feeling a little woozy, huh? That’s because I struck a blow to your brain stem. Now you get it, right? My skills and strength are far superior to yours, your better quit while you’re ahead.”

“No way!”

The ninja struck him upside the head, causing him to heave. “You don’t want to reconsider? If you quit now, you’ll still be able to fight in the next round. There’s really no point in being so stubborn about it, come on and say the word.”

“No I won’t!”

He struck him again, holding him up by his hair. “Are you positive?”

“I’ll never surrender!”

Hanzo slammed his head into the ground, (Name) dropping her supplies on the ground. “Gon!”

She had to be held back by Kurapika when she began to walk forward.

“Gon, don’t be a fool! Give up now while you still have a chance!” Leorio yelled out, his face tense.

“(Name), Leorio, suppose you were in his position. Would you be willing to say I give up?”

(Name) went quiet at Kurapika’s words. He pulled her closer, his hold on her moving from her shoulders to hand.

She sighed, squeezing his hand lightly before sitting back down to work on his shirt again.

As the fight continued, Leorio and Kurapika slowly moved to stand in front of her so she didn’t have to see.

It had been over three hours. At this point, her hands were too shaky to continue her work, and the tears in her eyes made it much too hard to see.

“You still aren’t taking me seriously yet! I’ll tell you one last time, there’s no way you can win!”

The sound of Gon’s scream made (Name) sob, Kurapika instantly turning to comfort her. But this was the wrong move, because now that he was crouching down, holding onto her, she could see the scene in front of her.

Hanzo kicked the boy in the stomach, causing him to cough up blood. She gasped, eyes wide as saucers as they made eye contact with Gon’s.

He was hurting, she could tell. (Name) wanted nothing more than to run into the ring and pull him into her arms, to help him.

But she couldn’t do a single thing. Not whne his eyes looked that determined.

“Alright that’s enough, you bastard I’ll kill you! Let me stand in for him, I’ll fight you!” Leorio exclaimed, his lip bleeding from biting down on it.

“If you don’t have the stomach, then leave. It’s going to get a whole lot worse.”

“WHAT WAS THAT!?”

Kurapika stood up to prevent Leorio from charging forward, the referees explaining that if he interfered Gon would be disqualified.

(Name) placed her hands over her ears, squeezing her eyes shut so she wouldn’t have to see what was happening to the young boy.

CRACK!

She looked back up, anger replacing her sadness. Gon’s arm was twisted unnaturally, the ninja still joking it in his grasp.

The crack had been so loud she could feel it in her bones, shivering.

Her group of friends stared on in shock as he groaned in pain, holding onto his bow broken arm. She stood, holding onto Kurapika’s arm.

The two were angry, she could tell from their faces alone.

“If that guy lands one more hand on him, I won’t be able to stop myself. And you better not get in my way either, Kurapika.”

“Stop you? I wouldn’t think of it. Rest assured, I feel the same.”

He glanced at (Name), heart thumping against his chest when he saw the tears running down her cheeks.

Kurapika placed his hand over hers, keeping his eyes on the match.

———————

After Gon won, turning the tables on Hanzo and getting everyone to laugh at his innocent determination, it was (Name)’s turn.

“The next fight is between #301 Gittarackur vs #406 (Name)!”

(Name) handed Kurapika his stitched up shirt, leaving her backpack with Leorio as she entered the ring, dagger in hand.

“(Name).”

She looked back to see Kurapika, the smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes. “… good luck.”

(Name) gave him a thumbs up before facing her opponent.

“Ready? Begin!”

She wasted no time, getting into a fighting stance as the(honestly kind of creepy)man stared at her from his corner of the ring.

“You got this (Name)! Beat his scary looking ass!” Leorio yelled out. Kurapika glanced between the two in the ring, his heart thumping against his chest.

Gittarackur seemed to observe her for a moment before walking forward calmly.

“If you give up now, I will not have to hurt you. I’d prefer to win quickly.”

(Name) faltered for a second, a look of confusion crossing over her face. “Why would I give up so quickly? I’m here for a r-“

He didn’t give her the chance to finish her sentence, he was already pinning her to the ground. His hand squeezed her throat as she clawed at them, Kurapika’s eyes flashing red.

“Ah, I can’t kill you, can I? Hmm…”

He pulled his hand back just before she was about to pass out, tapping her on the head with a bit too much force. “Come on, breathe in. Can’t have you dying on me.”

Kurapika felt a hand on his arm, his eyes darting to the left to see Leorio. “Kurapika, you’re moving forward.”

The blonde blinked before looking down to see he’d taken several steps forward before Leorio had stopped him. He hadn’t even noticed that his body had begun to move on his own.

“I know it’s hard to watch, but we can’t interfere. Not yet.”

Kurapika scoffed, but his eyes remained on (Name) softening slightly when he saw her take in big breaths of air. ‘Come on, (Name), you can’t beat him. Please, I don’t want to lose you…’

“I’ll say it again, now that you’ve gotten a taste of what’s to come. Give up, and you’ll leave without any permanent damage.”

Kurapika bit his lip, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth as he watched (Name) struggle underneath Gittarackur.

“I’m… im not giving up… anytime soon.”

The man’s face didn’t change, he only moved his hand down her body slowly until his palm rested against her leg.

“Last chance.”

The two stared at each other, (Name) not saying a word. If Gon could could withstand Hanzos beating, there was no reason she couldn’t take this.

The sound of bones breaking filled the air, along with (Name)’s anguished scream. “(NAME)!”

Kurapika rushed forward, having to be physically restrained by Killua and Leorio. The two other boys were barely able to hold themselves back at the sight of (Name)’s pained expression. Tears were falling from Kurapika’s scarlet eyes, the blonde struggling against them.

“This could have been avoided, you know. I did warn you.”

He tapped his finger against the broken limb, humming to himself. Each tapped caused the girl to gasp out, holding a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from throwing up.

“Mmm… should we move on to the next leg? Or are you ready to go-“

(Name) used her unbroken leg to slam into the side of his face, rolling onto her stomach. She gritted her teeth as she struggled to her feet, wielding her dagger.

“(Name), just stop! Please!”

It was Killua this time, his cries surprising Leorio and Kurapika. The white haired boy clutched the fabric of his shirt as (Name) struggled in vain to get up.

“I didn’t think you had any fight left in you. Interesting.”

The kick had done little to no damage to Gittarackur’s face. The man crouched back down in front of the struggling girl. He pulled her up by her hair and looked into her hazy (e/c) eyes.

“I can’t kill you, and you won’t give up. How annoying, will I have to beat you into submission?”

He held her up easily, as if she were just a porcelain doll. “I won’t be giving up, so you’ll have to kill me.”

She lifted her hands to dig her nails into his skin, baring her teeth at him like a wild animal.

The man tilted his head before dropping her onto the floor. “Oh dear, I don’t think we will be meeting eye to eye. I guess I’ll just forfeit and try again.”

For good measure, he stepped on her broken leg as he left the ring, causing the girl to scream. Kurapika ran to her side, Leorio close behind. “(Name), you idiot, look at you…”

The tall man checked her pulse, sighing. Killua appeared next to her, crouching down to look at her leg.

She gave them a weak smile. “Still… won…”

She sat up quickly, and Leorio had to hold her hair back as she vomited. Kurapika watched on in anger and concern, gently patting her back.

Once she finished she passed out, a medical team then rushed over and placed her on a stretcher. Although Kurapika wanted to watch the next few fights, he didn’t want her to be alone.

He followed them into an infirmary, where (Name) was placed on a bed as they assessed her for damage.

“Broken leg, some bruising on her neck…”

Kurapika sat next to her, holding her hand as she slept. “(Name)…”

——————

Something warm enveloped her hand, something fuzzy tickling her cheek causing her eyes to blink open.

Kurapika was leaning against her shoulder, the sound of his steady breathing telling her he’d fallen asleep. His hand was in hers, and his pretty blonde hair grazed her cheek. ‘So that’s what that was…’

It was dark in the infirmary, and she spotted Leorio sleeping in an empty bed across from her. She wasn’t sure what time it was, or how long she’d been asleep, but judging by the sky, it had at least been half a day.

(Name) winced at the pain in her leg and neck, noticing that it had dulled enough to be tolerable. Judging by her sluggish reactions, they’d put her on some intense pain medication.

She placed a hand on Kurapika’s head, running it over his hair. ‘I wonder how long he’s been here.’

She felt a little guilty that he only had her shoulder to sleep on, so she tried her best to soothe him before falling back asleep. Her eyelids were way too heavy, her body much too tired to stay awake any longer.

When she awoke again, it was to the sound of her two friends talking.

“Yeah, I’ll go grab lunch in a minute.”

“Thank you, Leorio. I can’t leave h-“

They stopped when they heard her groan, eyes fluttering open to see Kurapika and Leorio staring.

“Pika? Leorio?”

She didn’t have time to think, Kurapika had moved foward, pulling her into his arms. “(Name)!”

She felt his cool hands on her back, rubbing it soothingly. “You’re awake!”

Leorio grinned, sitting on her bed. She nodded, hugging Kurapika back and squeezing her eyes shut. “Sorry for worrying you, Pika. I’m awake now.”

He pulled away, only to lie his head in her lap as he sat by her bed. She played with his hair as Leorio began to explain the events of the final phase.

“Killua… killua failed?”

Kurapika grumbled softly when her hands lifted from his head to place over her mouth. “And he killed someone?”

“I don’t think it was because he wanted to, that brother of his, the same man that broke your leg was actually Illumi. Killua’s brother, and the eldest son of the Zoldyck family.” Leorio said, clenching his fist.

She sighed, placing a hand back on Kurapika’s head, which seemed to satisfy him by the noise of contentment he made. “Yes, that sounds likely. I don’t Killua would kill anyone without a good reason.”

Leorio held onto her other hand, the girl tearing up. “And Gon? Is he okay?”

The tall man nodded frantically, quickly leaning forward to wipe away her tears. “He’s alright, he’s actually in one of the hotel rooms sleeping right now. They said his arm should heal pretty quick, considering how clean the break was. And apparently it will even heal back stronger.”

She sniffled, the wound causing Kurapika to look up. “What’s wrong?”

Her lip quivered as the blonde sat up, joining Leorio in wiping her tears away. “I… I…”

She began to sob, her hands covering her face. “I can’t believe… I can’t believe I passed…”

The two smile softly as she cried, both wrapping her up in a group hug.

———————

(Name) grumbled as she practiced walking with her crutches, Kurapika occasionally catching her when she slipped. “Careful, (Name).”

“I know it’s a lot to get get used to, but you’ll get it eventually.” Leorio said, bringing in their lunch.

Kurapika guided her to her bed, helping to lift her leg, now covered in cast onto the bed.

(Name) munched on her sandwich, a pout on her face.

“What are you pouting about, sunshine?”

Leorio placed his fruit cup on her plate, the girls face lighting up a little. “Well… it just sucks having to deal with a broken leg.”

Kurapika blinked, before handing her his fruit cup as well after seeing her face brighten up. She giggled.

And that was worth it for him.

“Yeah, I get what you mean. At least the exam is over. It would suck having to go through another phase with a broken leg, huh?”

The three laughed.

“Hey, has there been any news on Gon or Killua? It’s been nearly a day since I woke up…”

The two glanced at each other. “No news on Gon, but… Illumi said he ‘went home’.” Leorio grumbled after swallowing the rest of his lunch.

(Name) sighed, playing with her hair. “I see…”

“But there is some good news! We’re getting our hunters licenses today, after a quick briefing.”

She seemed to perk up a bit, beginning on her second fruit cup.

After lunch, the two escorted her to the meeting, each sitting on either side of the girl. Kurapika kept a watchful eye on Illumi, his grip tightening on (Name)’s hand when the dark haired assassin turned to look at her.

His gaze didn’t seem… right. Kurapika couldn’t quiet place it, but the way Illumi was looking at her made left deeply unsettled.

When Illumi looked away, Kurapika was able to give (Name) a smile as she gushed over her hunters license. “Pika, Pika look! It even has my name on it!”

She handed it to the blonde, who held it up to the light. “Yes, it does. You earned this, (Name). I’m proud of you.”

He handed it back before turning his attention back to Chairman Netero. As the chairman spoke, he felt (Name) lean against his shoulder, the blonde resting his head on top of hers.

Kurapika and Leorio had just brought up the fact that failing Killua was unfair when the door opened.

It was Gon, (Name) attempting to stand to talk to him but being pulled back into her seat by Kurapika.

The young boy spared her a glance, eyes softening when he saw her injury. Killua wasn’t the only one Illumi had hurt.

He continued until he was standing right in front of Illumi.

“Apologize. Apologize to Killua.”

“Apologize? For what?”

“You don’t even know what you did wrong?”

“No.”

“Then you’re not qualified to be his brother.”

“Hmm, are there qualifications to be someone’s brother?”

The boy lifted Illumi up by his arm, the sound of bones cracking filling the air. (Name) winced, her hand moving to her cast. Kurapika caught this, quickly covering her ears so she didn’t have to hear the awful sound.

(Name) closed her eyes, holding a hand over her mouth as she began to feel nauseous. Kurapika didn’t move his hands until Gon let go of the assassins arm.

“During the match against Gittarackur, or should I say Illumi, it became clear to us that Killua was not himself. I believe he was under the influence of hypnosis, therefore his actions were not his own. Typically, a person can’t be forced to kill, even under the deepest hypnosis. But to Killua, that wouldn’t be the case. Killing is normal to him, he thinks nothing of it.”

(Name) looked to her left as Leorio spoke up. “The situation gets complicated because it happened during my match with Bodoro. So I’m pretty sure some of you must be thinking he was trying to help me pass the exam. But then guess what? The one that disqualifies would be me, not Killua!”

The blonde nodded in agreement. “In any case, if he was under someone else’s influence, he shouldn’t be held responsible for his actions. Therefore, failing him would be unjustifiable.”

As the three continued to talk, (Name) looked down at Gon. He clenched his jaw, his grip on Illumi’s arm tightening again.

“There’s something else we should go over. I’m really curious to know what happened between you and Hisoka during the first round, what did he say to you? You both still had energy left to fight, and then he leaned in and whispered something in your ear. Next thing you know, he surrenders. Weird huh? If someone receives a threat, then it makes sense that they may admit defeat. That’s what happened between me and Hanzo. It’s also what happened between Bodoro and Hisoka. But in your situation, it’s exactly the opposite, which makes me think that you and Hisoka reached some kind of secret agreement. So I figure, if we’re going to sit here debating what is suspicious, then we should also start looking at the way you won your match. Therefore if you have nothing to hide, all you have to do is tell you what Hisoka said before he decided to forfeit the match.” Pokkle said, crossing his arms.

Kurapika frowned. “I don’t hav wto answer that.”

“I think we have a right to know!”

“I don’t. If you’re unhappy by the way I passed, then you must feel terrible about passing by default.”

(Name) gasped, lightly smacking Kurapika’s arm for his comment. He glanced at her, pouting slightly.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?”

Gon sighed. “There’s no point in arguing. We’ve all passed the exam, it doesn’t matter how or why. If you don’t feel like you deserve it, then it’s up to you to change that.”

(Name) smiled. ‘That’s right, Gon.’

“I know for a fact Killua can pass this exam if he tries again. It’s too bad he got disqualified this time around, but that’s okay.”

His grip tightened again, Illumi not reacting at all. “Illumi, you made your little brother into an assassin and you made him kill even though he didn’t want to! I’ll never forgive you for that!”

“You won’t forgive me, really? So, what will you do?” Illumi asked, tilting his head.

“I’ll do nothing to you, I’ll just make sure Killua has nothing to do with you or your family every again.”

The assassin reached out his arm, Gon jumping back.

Netero continued talking, (Name) getting up to follow after Gon once it was over. She stood next to him with Kurapika and Leorio as Illumi stared down at him.

“I want you to tell me where to find Killua!”

——————

(Name) let out a squeak when she was hugged from behind, Kurapika turning quickly at the sound.

“(Name)~ you should come to town with me! I’m going to get a dress for the party tonight!”

Menchi had her arms wrapped around (Name)’s waist, keeping her steady when her crutches fell. The blonde’s eyes narrowed at this.

“Into… town?”

She glanced at Kurapika and Leorio, who were standing close by in case they needed to catch her or interfere.

“Yeah! You coming? It’ll be just you and me!”

(Name) twiddled her thumbs. Menchi, a gorgeous woman was inviting her to go dress shopping with her. “Oh, I would but…”

She opened her wallet, the blue haired girl peeking over (Name)’s shoulder to look in. “I don’t have any money.”

Menchi laughed. “Money, oh (Name), don’t worry about that! I’ll buy you anything you want…”

Menchi pulled (Name) in closer by her hips, giggling when she squeaked again.

“Hey, she’s injured, be careful!”

Kurapika rushed forward, pulling (Name) into his chest. Menchi scowled at this, putting her hands on his hips.

‘Oh yeah, forgot about the twink guarding her.’

“Pika, it’s alright.”

Leorio picked up her crutches for her, handing them back as Kurapika held her steady. “Menchi, are you sure that would be okay? I’m sure it won’t be easy to find something inexpensive in my size…”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow at this. ‘In her size? Is it harder to find clothes in her size or something?’

He watched as Menchi grinned, not liking the way her eyes scanned down (Name)’s body. “Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. I hate shopping alone, so consider your dress a thank you for accompanying me.”

(Name) waved her hands. “No, no I couldn’t accept that! Going shopping with you would be no problem at all!”

Was… was Menchi blushing? Kurapika pulled (Name) a little closer.

“You sure are as sweet as you are stubborn, aren’t you? Tell you what, I’ll give you my number, and once you become an accomplished Hunter, you can pay me back with a favor.”

“Deal!”

Kurapika watched as they exchanged numbers, quickly pulling out his phone. “(Name), here’s my number. If anything happens while you’re in town, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“Oh, me too!”

She laughed as she typed both Leorio and Kurapika’s numbers into her phone.

“Alright, when are we leaving?” (Name) asked. Menchi smiled.

“Right now!”

The blondes eyes widened when Menchi picked up (Name) and ran away, carrying her bridal style.

For the two hours they were gone, all Kurapika did was pout. Leorio attempted to cheer him up by offering his fruit cup when they grabbed a snack, but Kurapika wasn’t want easy to cheer up as (Name) was.

The two sat in the hotel lobby, Leorio drinking coffee, and Kurapika sipping on some orange juice. The blonde would sigh every once in a while, glancing towards the door.

“You sighing and whining isn’t going to make her come back any sooner.” Leorio said, flipping through the pages of that days newspaper. Kurapika huffed.

“I’m not sighing.”

Leorio looked at him over his newspaper, raising and eyebrow. “Really? Then what is that noise your making every time you look at the door?”

Kurapika didn’t answer, going back to sipping on his drink. Another 15 minutes passed, Kurapika growing more irritated by the second.

“Pikaaa!”

Kurapika jumped out of his seat, turning in every direction until he spotted (Name).

He felt his heart begin to thump against his chest again. She was wearing a cute pair of shirt, jean overalls over a pastel tshirt. There was a pocket over her chest, a sunflower decorating it.

“(Name), you look… adorable.”

He looked her up and down, seeing she was wearing a pair of back leggings underneath her short overalls, along with a new pair of sneakers.

“Pika, I’m gonna blush. Menchi saw most of the clothes I brought were battered and torn, so she bought me a few things to tide me over until I…”

She paused, seemingly realizing something. ‘Wait, what am I going to do next?’

Leorio noticed this, stepping in. “(Name), you should get some rest. You seem tired.”

He began leading her towards the room her, Leorio, and Kurapika were staying in. The blonde followed behind them, carrying a container with a piece of chocolate cake which he’d saved it for (Name).

“Hey, I wanted to explore the hotel!” She said, stopping in front of him. Leorio raised an eyebrow.

“You can do that later. For now you sh-“

“GET BACK HERE, GITTARACKUR!”

Leorio and Kurapika ran to catch Gon before he attacked Illumi. (Name)’s eye twitched slightly before she began her journey to catch up with them. By the time she got there, Gon was already running away.

“Thats got to be the most stubborn kid that’s ever lived. Ahhh, I’m throwing in the bucket.” Leorio said with a sigh.

“I think you mean ‘throw in the towel’.” Kurapika corrected.

(Name) huffed as she reached the two, pouting. “Tell me I need to rest one second, go sprinting off the next.”

Leorio rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, the blonde putting a hand on her shoulder. “Sorry, (Name).”

“Never mind, let’s go.”

She began walking in the direction Gon had. “Go? Go where?”

She grinned. “Let’s go make sure Gon doesn’t get himself into any unnecessary trouble.”

They got there just in time to watch Gon fight against Illumi. Suddenly, the assassin stopped, (Name) walking forward after he explained where Killua was.

“Hey!”

The man stopped, turning back to look at her. Kurapika attempted to pull her back, but she pushed his arm away.

“I know Killua, he’s a really sweet boy, and I know he wouldn’t just kill someone without good reason.”

She squared up to the man, scowling up at him. Illumi peered down at her, dark eyes narrowing as they stared into hers. “A sweet boy, huh? That’s new.”

The girl pushed a finger into his chest, Kurapika and Leorio gasping. “I swear to god Illumi, if I find out you did something to him, I’m going to beat the shit out of you. Got me?”

He tilted his head, his eyes unblinking. “Really? I’ll hold you to it, then.”

He turned and began to walk away, waving. “See you then, (Name). I hope you’ll fair better than you did in the final exam.”

She huffed, flipping him off before turning to Gon. “Sweetheart, don’t ever do what I just did. That man is dangerous and isn’t scared to hurt a woman or child. You’ll steer clear of him, understood?”

He fidgeted with his shirt. “I’ll try.”

(Name) sighed, then ruffled his hair. “Good enough.”

After this, (Name) was escorted to their room before they left to search up some information on the internet.

———————

(Name) looked over herself in the mirror of Menchi’s room, sighing softly.

Menchi had been hellbent on helping her with her makeup and hair, which (Name) was hesitant to allow. She wanted to look pretty, especially because she wasn’t sure if this was the last night she’d get to spend with Kurapika, but didn’t know how good Menchi was with her hair type, which was (hair type).

She was good, almost too good.

(Name) looked again after she was finished, jaw dropped. She almost looked like a different person, almost.

Her hair was in a different style than usual, and makeup done expertly, suiting her face perfectly. The knee length forest green dress was gorgeous on her, Menchi placing a gold necklace around her neck to compliment it.

“You look stunning, hun. You ready to wow the pants off that cute blonde?”

(Name)’s face heated up, the girl stuttering. “I-I’m not-“

Menchi rolled her eyes. “Oh, anyone can see you like him. And from what I’ve seen, I think he likes you too.”

‘After all, even the referees assumed they were dating…’ Menchi thought as she had (Name) turn in a circle slowly to make sure her dress was even.

She escorted (Name) to the party, walking arm in arm with her.

“Great to see you all, please enjoy yourselves tonight, you’ve certainly earned it!”

Menchi left her side to sit with Buhara, (Name) feeling something collide with her back. “(Name)! Come take pictures with us!”

She looked down to see him lightly pulling on her dress, the other two waiting nearby.

When she made eye contact with Kurapika, she could of sworn there were hearts in his eyes by the way he was looking at her.

“(Name)…”

As she came closer, she could see his cheeks turn red, eyes half lidded when she stopped in front of him.

“Yes?”

It’s like time froze around the two when they made stared into each others eyes. He lifted a hand to cup her cheek, and for a second, she thought he might kiss her.

“You’re gorgeous.”

She blushed, but the moment was interrupted. “Come on, it’s time to take a picture!”

The two were dragged away by Gon, who had them all stand together as someone took their picture.

Right before they took it, (Name) pulled Kurapika towards her and kissed his cheek right as the camera flashed.

The blonde stuttered as she took a copy of the picture, face red as a tomato. “(N-Name), you-“

She smiled at him, handing him his own copy. “I have you a little kiss. Did you dislike it?”

He shook his head quickly, almost too quickly. She giggled, licking her thumb and wiping his cheek. “Sorry, hun. I’m wearing lipstick.”

His heart beat against his ribs painfully as she wiped the lipstick mark away, almost pouting. Kurapika wouldn’t have minded having her mark on him, and was a little disappointed she was wiping it away.

“Ahh, im so happy I got a picture with you all! Though, it would be better with Killua…”

Both her and Gon sighed, before she sighed. “Gon, are you going to bring back Killua alone?”

He nodded, looking down. (Name) ruffled his hair, the boy looking up to see her grinning. “Not anymore, im coming with you.”

“Really?” Gon exclaimed, beaming up at her.

“(Name)!” Both Kuraoika and Leorio yelled.

“You can’t be serious. You know it’s dangerous right? Even if your leg wasn’t broken, which it is, going would be a suicide mission.”

(Name) brushed of Kurapika’s words. “I can’t let Gon go alone, he’s twelve! After all, he’ll need someone to cook for him.”

She pinched the boys cheek, but he didn’t mind, he was too happy he got to spend a little more time with her.

Kurapika and Leorio on the other hand, seemed worried.

“You’re kidding me. You mean the four of you are finally going your separate ways?” Pokkle asked, raising an eyebrow at Leorio and Kurapika. They sat together while Gon and (Name) wandered around.

“I’m going back to med school. I want to become a doctor, and now that I’ve got my hunters license, I won’t have to pay the tuition fees.” Leorio answered.

“What about you?”

“I’m going to find a job where I can gain some experience, and work my way up to becoming a blacklist hunter.” Kurapika said, smoothing out his tabard.

“Then I guess this might be the last time you four ever see each other.”

The two looked to Gon and (Name), who were chatting on the balcony. Kurapika felt physically I’ll at the thought of never seeing her again, clutching his tabard tightly.

When Pokkle and Kurapika were left alone, the brown haired man sighed. “You know, (Name) is pretty smitten with you, according to Ponzu.”

This wasn’t the first time he’d heard of (Name) having feelings for him, but it was the first time it had been from someone other than Leorio.

“…”

Ponzu stood, walking past him. “She’s got a lot of people that care about her, so it would be in your best interest to treat her kindly.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Kurapika looked up when he heard the click of (Name)’s crutches. “Pika, Leorio’s being chased by Menchi again!”

The blonde snickered. “Oh this I’ve got to see.”

—————

“Okay then. Once you step out of those doors, you’ll no longer be considered applicants, you’ll be hunters. You’ll be our friends as well as our rivals. I wish you luck, and hope that our paths will cross again. That’s all, and now you’re dismissed.”

(Name) exchanged numbers with Pokkle, who also gave her Ponzus number. “If you need anything, just send me or Ponzu a text.”

“Same with me, if either of you need help I’ll be on my way!”

She gave him a hug, Pokkle returning it this time. Kuraoika allowed this with the knowledge Pokkle wasn’t single, but did stare at him.

She ignored Hanzo trying to give her his number, the ninja stuffing his business card into her bag. “Just take it.. damn tease..”

“What was that?”

The ninja was already running off.

(Name) shrugged before joining Gon as they walked towards their destination.

“I guess this is it, huh? We don’t wanna miss our flight, so we’re gonna go now.”

(Name) smiled, giving the two one last hug. “Truly, meeting you all has made my life that much brighter. I hope you two are able to find happiness, in whatever way you need.”

Gon turned back before they left. “Thanks for everything, you guys! I’m really happy that I met both of you!”

(Name) squeaked when the boy dragged her away, having to keep hold of her crutches so she wouldn’t fall.

Before they could get too far, they heard Kurapika and Leorio call after them.

“Gon, (Name), wait for us!”

They pulled the two into their arms, the four laughing as they hugged each other.

“I guess we’re destined to be together.” Kurapika said, sitting next to (Name).

“Yeah, Gon, (Name), I’ll stick with you to Padokea and beyond.” Leorio agreed, crossing his legs.

She giggled, holding her bag to her chest.

‘I’m so happy to be alive.’

[astroenchanter]

As was promised, it's Eva time.

Starting off broadly, with Artemy and Daniil being narrative foils, two halves of a whole one might say, I think it's fair to assume they would have similar narrative beats. With Artemy's big heart wrenching girl event being self sacrificing for Murky, and with Daniil being, lets just say... not a nice man, I think that's going to result in the event making the player even more like garbage. I have 2 main ideas for what could happen, first one is simpler, and I came up with it before the new teaser and leak so I'll discuss it first. Based mostly on the time travel aspects and systemic focus, I think that with cleaver sequencing and being distracted with quests, IPL could make us think Eva survives into the late game. Then doing a time travel back to do a seemingly net positive systemic action that results in her death and it's going to have to be a "Good ending" OR Eva, but not both situation. With the "You can't save everyone" motif, Artemy can't save Aglaya without betraying the town, I don't think Daniil could save Eva without betraying something VERY important to him.

Now this 2nd one is where the gameplay crackpot shit begins. The screenshot of Daniil's gay little People Journal gives SO much to work with. This'll take a minute to get to Eva so hang on for a sec. First, it has "previous day" "next day" and "all files" With the time travel elements I assume this implies you're filling in people's profiles throughout different pockets in time. Second, day 8 has a ping / update or some sort on Peter. And since it's 00:15 it's likely a condition that develops strike of midnight day 8 (or whatever the time travel equivalent is). Now, P2 has had a habit of rearranging, scrapping and remaking quests out of whole cloth, but keeping narrative threads and fleshing them out. The only thing in that time frame with Peter is likely to be the drama that happens with Maria and Aglaia. Peter was notably was in a bad state during the events of that scuffle, I think that it's possible Peter's "diagnosis" in that notebook, would be one of the mental variety, ie, depression with "Harmful Habits ... Alcohol abuse..." like what was shown in the screenshot. With that update it could result in Daniil doing some sort of "mental health checkup" on his friends. Where he treats them in his harsh and clinical way where he goes through a similar process of diagnosis to figure out what's wrong and how to proceed. The thing is, pathologic loves to put you mental state where you're fighting and you're so focused on people being shitty and horrible and the fighting systemic shit and the plague, and then when you're fully immersed in that mindset it pile drives you with the most painfully human thing you've ever seen. If they do that mental diagnosis, I think Daniil won't see the signs in Eva. Like yeah Peter is a depressed wreck, but everyone can see it. But the whole point of the classic plot with her was that you couldn't really understand what she was saying or going though until it was too late.

It could be both of these, or neither of course. I just figure I could get some hopeful predictions out, there since I know there's a lot of people worried the Bachelor route.

I also think the "Diagnosis" of all the main characters could be good characterization of Daniil, where he views everyone through that medical lens, maybe even noticing small details about people like Artemy's leg injury from his train fight.

[seoul-bros]

Sometimes...

Jungkook remind me of another very famous Asian artist, Leslie Cheung.

Leslie was a very famous actor and singer. He remains one of the most celebrated artists in China, 19 years after his death. He was also openly bi.

His film "Happy Together" is one of the earliest films in Asia to deal with a gay relationship.

Jungkook doesnt really resemble him physically but I do think their appeal/aura kinda similar?

Like they both have/had a very soft, yet powerful masculine appeal. Their masculinity is not threatening yet very palpable and inciting instead of repelling. Dunno how to describe this any other way.

Also both are Virgos lmao.

Leslie Cheung in his own words

So sorry, I took so long to respond to this but I don't get many messages like this and I wanted to take time replying and try to do justice to what you are saying here. I have been reading more about Leslie Cheung his life and his legacy and in so doing I begin to see where the comparisons you make to Jungkook come from.

Leslie Cheung (1956 - 2003)

“I believe that a good actor would be androgynous, and ever changing”

I remember Leslie Cheung for his performance in the 1993 film Farewell My Concubine. The film won the Palm D'Or at Cannes as well as awards for Best Foreign Language Film at the BAFTAs and the Golden Globes. He plays Cheng Dieyi, a Peking opera singer, abandoned and abused as a child and trained to sing the opera's female roles. The film focuses on his tumultuous lifelong relationship with fellow opera singer Duan Xiaolou and Xiaolou's wife Juxian. It is set against the massive societal upheaval in China in the early 20th century. It's a heartbreaking performance which reminds us of the fragility of love and friendship and the lasting effects betrayal can have upon us all.

"Leslie Cheung gives the performance of his career" Time

What I didn't know when I saw the film, was anything more about his life. His singing career, his huge celebrity in Asia and the fact that he was an openly bisexual man at a time where globally, attitudes towards homosexuality were at their most negative.

"Your love belongs to you and you alone.....as long as you are happy and, harm no one, do not be bothered by idle chatter."

I also wasn't aware of the role he played in shaping LGBT representation in Hong Kong cinema and the lasting impact that this has had on subsequent queer films and filmmakers which is perhaps best embodied by the 1997 film Happy Together which you mention.

"The theme of my performance is this: The most important thing in life, apart from love, is to appreciate your own self"

He was determined to be true to himself in a world that was not yet ready for such honesty. His 2000, Passion tour included eight costumes designed by Jean Paul Gaultier which blurred gender lines. Although the tour was very successful, there was a backlash at home which affected him deeply.

Article Link

"I hope you'll forever remember me, because I will forever remember your cheers and applause."

2023 is the 20th anniversary of his death and it is a testament to his legacy that every year people still visit the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Hong Kong to pay tribute.

There was a commemorative concert in April and the Miss You Much Leslie exhibition is being held at the Hong Kong Heritage Museum until October 2023. Leslie Cheung continues to garner new fans as his films and his music reach new younger audiences.

This GQ article from last year tries to capture how Leslie Cheung continues to influence the next generation of artists.

Leslie naturally possessed both feminine and masculine [qualities]—not to mention an enigmatic mystique that was just so unique I think no other star has come remotely close to having,” the trans Filipina filmmaker Isabel Sandoval told me. “I think he's the closest we've come to a modern-day Garbo in his sexual ambiguity.”

Jungkook definitely shares that characteristic of tantalizingly blending feminine and masculine qualities to create a unique presence which cannot be ignored.

"Great style is wearing anything you like, regardless of gender"

He is known for rejecting traditional gendered fashion and his support for LBGTQ friendly brands.

On stage he is mesmerizing.....

...and off stage he is grateful and giving with his fans.

"Whenever ARMYs miss us, you can come to us. If you have to go or if you want to go, it’s okay for you to leave us. But always remember, I will always be here."

Although, Jungkook has never and may never talk about his sexuality, I do believe that every day he is trying to be true to himself, show us who he is and live an as authentic life as is possible. He is an icon for this century just as Leslie Cheung was an icon for the last one.

Post Date: 25/08/2023

[cripplerage]

One of my foster brothers started showing signs of being in the early stages of going down the "right wing pipeline" on YouTube. For those that don't know, it basically means that the algorithm is slowly transitioning him to slightly harmful content that could eventually lead to him being mysoginistic, racist, antisemitic, etc. It generally starts with basic "alpha male" content. He started referring to himself as a "sigma male," talking about "rizzing up girls," and he's started "mewing," a trend that he thinks will give him a stronger jawline.

He's 12.

So what to do, and why post about it on Tumblr?

In Australia, the prime minister has decided he wants to ban social media for anyone under the age of 16 and potentially also make Australian social media start requiring photo ID for ages verification. Do I think this will happen? Not really. But there are a lot of adults that think that a full ban is the only way to go, without ever fully understanding what the problems with children being on the internet even were in the first place.

A ban will not work. Do we need child safe spaces online? Do we need more internet security and data collection protections? Do we need internet safety training for both parents and kids? Absolutely. But not a ban.

So this is what we're doing instead of banning him from YouTube. Maybe it'll help you know what to do for the kids in your life, or maybe you'll have suggestions to help us.

First off: we're switching to NewPipe. It's ad free, got better privacy, and we can turn off recommendations, comment sections, mature content, and the trending page. Essentially, he's getting switched to a subscriber-only feed. Here's the link.

https://newpipe.net/

Then, we're going to sit down with him, judgement free. We'll ask him to show us what he watches on YouTube and ask him what he likes about it. We'll encourage the good stuff and gently explain to him why we don't want him watching the bad stuff.

Then we'll start building the subscriber feed together. He can make requests and we'll do a basic check to make sure they're safe before adding them, and I'll also show him a bunch of random kid friendly channels he might like so that his subscriber tab can look as full and varied as a home page would. I'll show him how to make folders for his favorite YouTubers so he can check just those ones first.

And that's about it, really. I'm aiming to reblog this with a list of what we're letting him watch so that anyone out there can look for recommendations, but keep in mind that what we think is appropriate for our kid might not be what's appropriate for yours.

Remember: The pipeline is a slippery slope. My brother is a lovely kid, and certainly not mysoginistic or anything like that. He doesn't know he watched anything wrong. But even just repeating the words, accidentally internalizing that toxic masculinity, that is a very dangerous first step. It's a lot easier to break them out of it early.

But don't take this as fear mongering either. The internet is important, and just like it would be difficult for adults to suddenly transition to no internet access, so would it be for children. We've simply gone too far. The internet, when done right, is a place that children can go to for education, community, and self discovery. It's where a lot of young people learn about being gay, or that they're being abused, or about injustices in the world.

Cutting that lifeline will put a lot of children in isolation, and isolation makes them vulnerable. We just need to put safety measures in place and take a normal amount of interest in our children's lives, that's all.

Feel free to leave some child friendly YouTube recommendations in the notes!

[autistpride]

The history of ABA and the unfortunate reality of current therapy options

ABA was founded on a basis of hatred and ignorance about autistic people.

Ole Ivar Lovaas created ABA and saw autistic individuals inhuman. He later went on to create a gay conversation therapy.

"In any case, what one usually sees when first meeting an autistic child who is 2, 3, or even 10 years of age is a child who has all the external physical characteristics of a normal child—that is, he has hair, and he has eyes and he has a nose, and he may be dressed in a shirt and trousers—but who really has no behaviors that one can single out as distinctively ‘human’. The major job then, for a therapist—whether he's behaviorally oriented or not—would seem to be a very intriguing and significant one, namely, the creation or construction of a truly human behavioral repertoire where none exists."

"You see, you start pretty much from scratch when you work with an autistic child. You have a person in the physical sense—they have hair, a nose and a mouth—but they are not people in the psychological sense. One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is to see it as a matter of constructing a person. You have the raw materials, but you have to build the person."

The purpose of the therapy is that autistic people are broken, and should not be allowed to be themselves. That they should be subjected to treatment until “molded” into something deemed more acceptable to society and their parents.

ABA doesn’t actually change the subject into what the program and their parents want. An autistic kid does not become allistic.

What it does accomplish is to essentially force the subjects into acting more like the type of person desired by the program (masking).

After enough bullying, shaming, coercion, and general breaking down of a child’s personality and defenses, that child learns to pretend to be allistic as much as possible, to please authority figures and avoid negative consequences (beatings, denial of food, denial of affection, denial of water, denial of washroom breaks, denial of preferred items etc).

It’s intensive “training” using aversive and coercive methods, to force change in a child’s behaviour. A lot of the time, this is about changing harmless self-sooothing or coping behaviours in autistic children.

ABA is an intensive therapy, usually 35-40 hours a week, of compliance training. Children are often pulled out of school for a good chunk of these hours, missing out on actual education, for what is essentially a full time job.

In these sessions the RBT (who only had to do a few weeks training) has the child do tasks repetitively earning a small prize like a candy or a token to gain a privileges to their favourite items and activities. The consequence is their favourite things and activities are removed, including the encouragement of the removal of their parents attention, until the child complies.

When subjected to compliance training for 35-40 hours a week, autistic children are taught that they lack autonomy. They are taught that they do not have the right to say “no” to something that they do not want to experience.

That’s incredibly harmful and dangerous. This leaves autistic survivors of ABA to be highly susceptible to various forms of abuse both as a child, and later on in life.

Also “pretending to not be autistic” thing is extremely problematic. I'll talk about that in another post.

A study in 2007 found that nearly half of all ABA survivors met the diagnostic threshold for PTSD. Other studies referenced put the number closer to 85%, and also include C-PTSD.

In 2016, Congress funded a report to examine whether the ABA services they have been effective

With 3,794 participants, this is the largest study ever conducted on ABA. The 31-page report entitled, “The Department of Defense Comprehensive Autism Care Demonstration Annual Report 2020” concluded that “ABA services are not working.”

“… these findings demonstrate that … the delivery of ABA services, is not working for most TRICARE beneficiaries in the ACD.”

“ … the Department remains very concerned about these results, and whether the current design of this demonstration, as well as ABA services specifically, is providing the most appropriate and/or effective services to our beneficiaries diagnosed with ASD.”

In last year’s report of over 709 individuals with autism, 76% showed no improvement after one year of treatment, 16% had improved, but that 9% were worse after a year of treatment.

ABA “therapists” - BCBA stand to lose a TON of money if ABA is considered bad. Parents or insurances are paying around $25,000 for 3 months of ABA.

As a society, we realize that gay conversion therapy is inhumane. We look at the type of dog training that most closely resembles ABA to be animal abuse. We look at residential schools - an idea that bares striking resemblance to the concept and execution of ABA - as a dark spot on our country’s history, and one that we are trying to make reparations for now, after the fact.

Unfortunately, ABA is oftentimes the ONLY resource now available to families with autistic individuals.

When given the diagnosis, the professionals hand out pamphlets and print outs of ABA companies. Some have even resorted to fear mongering or threatening families who refuse to use ABA.

Many doctors are not even taught about ABA or therapy options. They are simply told ABA is for autistic people, push it, and they do.

For families that trust their medical providers and have no other knowledge on autism or ABA, they think their provider is looking out for their best interest.

Many parents are just sadly uninformed and think they are doing the best thing for their child.

This is not helped by the fact that there are even facilities that are basically ABA in name only in order to be covered by insurances that will only pay for this therapy and none others.

These facilities are often floor time or play therapy in disguise which confuses people even more due to the fact that they claim to be ABA but are not. This has caused much discourse between people who think that all ABA must be like this when in fact they just got extremely lucky.

For BIPOC families, who are targeted by authorities already, any therapy they can get can be a potential life line that may help keep their children alive.

This leaves these families in a terrible situation of having to choose between one or potentially the other.

I'll share some amazing BIPOC voices in another post as I am not qualified to speak on their story due to me being white.

And for some families, it has become a last resort choice before having to move to a more institutionalized setting or in some cases threatened with child services.

A good hard look at ABA should be done with funding and encouraging alternatives like more access to floortime, speech, ot, or pt.

Those therapies are provided for some families but given very few hours in comparison, there are no facilities near them and they cannot afford the travel to them, and for some families, they aren't provided at all.

Some individuals qualify for no therapy options outside of ABA and this leaves some families without any resources or help and left to navigate everything alone as best as they are able to.

Which has been our experience and why it is important to me to get information out there, for those who have no other resources.

And sadly understanding that until acceptance and other resources are available to all families EQUITABLY, some may have to choose between one heartbreaking choice or another.

Either way, there is potential risk in ANY therapy you choose to utilize and it should be something to be aware of. So be aware of any red flags.

[hellcifrogs]

Sorry for dumping an entire essay on ya, I just got really excited about someone having a similar-ish au to me

- Link

No way! It was totally my bad, I wanted to post it properly, but other asks kinda pilled up on top of it haha I swear I was gonna get back to it sooner or later

That being said I found this super interesting, it is long, but please check it out:

My favorite parts are in bold and my own comments in parenthesis ->

"I see your exiled Minato post Naruto-birth and Kurama’s sealing. I raise you, this fuckin’ thing.

The time line continues as sorta normal. A gag order ensuring no one tells the children that Naruto holds the nine tails but to add to it, no one is allowed to tell the children that Minato couldn’t kill the nine tails. That he sealed it away instead. The former hokage took the hat again and banished Minato for causing ‘unjust harm’ to the hidden leaf village.

Kushina told Minato of Kurama, the angry furball that resides in her stomach. Of the old stories of her clan that once Kurama protected and resided on the many islands of Uzushio. How they worshipped not only death, but the strongest chakra beast. That foxes where resided with great respect for their trickster nature and playful demeanor. Minato gained a respectful feeling toward the fox that desired the same as his wife, the ability to run amongst the water and waves of Uzushio once again. The watch the glittering city decorated with seals and protected by the whirling pools. (I love when Uzushio is mentioned and actually used for impact with the Uzumaki's past!!)

He could not kill Kurama, not just because Kurama could not be killed, but because he knew that this was not the Kurama that his wife spoke of fondly. This was a beast under the control of a being far more evil.

Naruto is raised by none, all hate him for what he contains. The civilians peacefully unaware that Kurama was sealed, but not chained. He heard the words of the fools that roamed the village. He whispered softly to the blonde child, to trick and take what he needed to live and survive.

Naruto still struggles in school, like his mother before him. The school and teachers are not understanding to the fact that Naruto’s massive reserves of chakra do not allow him to sit still for hours at a time, that his mind does not understand like the rest. The seals that have all been woven into his blood do not allow for this teaching style to work. Iruka does his best but his position does not allow for him to speak out, all he can do is try his best but his best can only do so much for a child who physically cannot learn like the rest.

Naruto is a child with the hair and eyes of his father but everything from the shape of his eyes to the very blood that corses threw his veins to the chakra that nearly explodes out of him at every opportunity is truly, his mother’s. (MOMMA'S BOY!!)

Minato’s former team member (yes pls) feeds Naruto a dish that his mother loved nearly as much as her husband. The former team member laughs loud and heartily as the child wolfs down enough to make even the Akimichi look concerned. But the old man does not even blink, he’d seen Kushina in action. All that Chakra comes from somewhere. What ever that made up ramen had the Uzumaki addicted to it, and the older man was happy to feed the love of ramen to the uzumaki child left behind by the village.

Kakashi is truly a shell of his former self, only Gai is the reason he wakes up now a days. The man keeps Kakashi on his feet with the one day promise of his almost dad returning, that one day he can finally meet the boy that was supposed to be like a little brother.

The day that Naruto steals the seal, Kakashi should be more surprised but deep down. He’s not really all that shocked. Gai laughs after learning of the news, soon rushing off to make his team train more. As if a scrawny pre-genin could steal the most secure scroll in all the village then he needed to step up the training of his little youthful students. Iruka is hospitalized and Naruto learns the truth, the truth that deep down Naruto already knew to and extent at least. He knew he was different in more way then being the only bright blonde in the village. Naruto had stared blankly at the hokage before telling him “your security is shit” just after being told a suppose to be demon resides in his guts. The ANBU had a hard time not snorting at the face the old man made upon being told by a 10 year old that his seal where terrible and the scroll wasn’t all that impressive. Though Naruto did end the night learning a clone jutsu that he could actually use, the shadow clone. What a wonderful little reward.

The day Kakashi meets Naruto, he obtains an erase filled with chalk dust to the face. When the smoke screen is batted away he sees the blond with a fox like smile laughing, the pink haired civilian raised girl is yelling at Naruto for his immaturity while the last of the Uchiha couldn’t care. His eyes neutral to the scene but ever watching and ever taking in every detail. But Kakashi expected nothing less of Uzumaki boy and the Uchiha. He grew up with Kushina as a mother figure with her stories of her childhood and stories of her clan’s antics and her laugh like a fox as well as Itachi and Obito, both Uchiha just a step or two behind him always watching his every move even without their clan’s eyes.

Finally the day of the wave mission arrives, a C rank. Not all that eventful, not a goon or unexpected surprise. At least for the rest of the team, Naruto is pulled aside by and old man. His hair grey and his hearing going but his eyes as sharp as a tack. He’s told of the blond man who protects the land of waves, that he lives far out on the old islands of uzushio. That every month more people board the boat the man sails to come to the islands. The tale of beautiful grey eyes of baby’s who toss of the blankets before their parents tuck them away again. Of giggling children with pet dogs that are a bit too off to truly be dogs. Of the crates and crates of supplies that’s taken to the islands not only from wave but from dozens of other small nations. Ones that won’t tell the major nations with ninjas of the silently rising power of a man who had nothing less to loose but all that much to gain. (Hell. Yeah!)

Naruto is told he looks nearly just like the blond man.

Naruto is told the man has already came to shore this month, but next month he could meet the man. That the nation hidden in the whirling tides would gladly allow the boy who never felt at home in the dirt and trees could finally belong.

Things to note:

Naruto can’t read, Kurama is essentially a second internal voice that reads to Naruto. (this is so funny to me I love it)

Naruto still wears mostly orange

Strange dogs are foxes and otters (chef's kiss)

The people going to Uzushio are uzumaki and other escaped clans of Uzushio, they just hide their appearances.

Naruto sneaks out of the village to go back to wave to meet the man (Minato)

Minato intentionally made the seal looser so Kurama could have more freedom within the seal as the hidden leaf would never allow Kurama to go free once again.

No one realized that the seal was loose because Pervy sage doesn’t know what the seal is supposed to look like in the first place. He learned from non-Uzumaki sources. Minato learned from his beautiful wife

Enjoy my minor essay -Link"

[gayleviticus]

people can take and twist arguments about how being non-LGBT-affirming causing suffering is OK bc christian life is about taking up your cross and denying yourself and blah blah blah, and it can become a bit of a dead-end arguing with people who while looking do not see and while hearing do not listen, but to take it a bit further, i think that like,

ok, we can admit the importance of carrying your cross. nobody is an absolutist on this issue; nobody (reasonable) thinks that we should avoid activism and fighting for a noble cause and protecting others just because we ourselves might suffer in the process, we can all agree noble sacrifices to protect others' lives are good. on the other hand, nobody (reasonable) thinks self-harm is inherently good because its noble endurance of suffering.

but that's thinking about it from a personal perspective, where *I* need to accept my suffering to glorify God. what about in terms of a 'how do we treat others?' perspective? The NT places extensive emphasis on the importance of living by the Spirit, of becoming more like God in our love and care for one another, and of developing the fruits of the Spirit against which there is no law. So it seems to me that God is invested in people developing morality through deepening in virtue and attentiveness to others' struggles and suffering, *not* in people's ability to exegete texts. Texts inform our understanding of what's right for sure (1 Timothy iirc says scripture provides 'training in righteousness'), but God is looking for ability to love others and will their good. God wants us to develop our instincts for doing to others as we would have them do to us, our instincts for being sensitive to others' suffering and for loving others even when we can rationalise it away like the men in the Good Samaritan story who let their own countryman die.

Now with this in mind, the way I see it is - if homosexuality is wrong, then God has set up a situation where he actively wants to damage our moral intuitions. The God who normally wants us to defend the needy and the oppressed, to live by the Golden Rule, to seek love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, the God who is Love, which we know to be patient and kind, that does not envy or boast or dishonour others or seek its own good, that always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres - that guy has decided, actually, just this once, you guys need to be willing to do to others what you wouldn't have them to do to you, and accept people's pain and suffering, and in fact dismiss it either as LGBT people just fishing for sympathy points or a sad inevitable fact of life. Job's comforters are no longer heretics who spoke wrongly of God, but role models.

Now to be honest, that actually seems crueller than the idea God makes some people gay and then condemns them to lifelong celibacy. It's almost as if God has set some kind of sinister trap to catch people out in their sinful urges of sympathy for others and kindness and compassion. Does it make sense for God, in seeking to sanctify and make us loving and good and holy, to set up a situation where the right choice is to endorse other people's suffering and alienation from God out of fidelity to specific rules? Does it make sense that the one who, when asked the greatest commandment, offered two instead - to love God and to love your neighbour - would now insist actually, loving God means not loving your neighbour in this case?

You can disagree with this, of course. Lots of people would be perfectly fine with the idea that God is deliberately giving us a painful dilemma to show that in the end, no matter what, we obey God even if it means hurting others - appealing to Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac, perhaps, although we forget then that the centrepoint of that story is discovering that God, unlike idols and demons, never truly wanted that of anyone in the first place.

Or perhaps it's not God's fault, but it's just that of the Devil and dealing with moral dilemmas is part of a fallen world. I can see some logic here; we don't want to reduce all our moral problems to 'if one thing is bad, the other must automatically be good.' But at the end of the day it seems a ghastly vision of what God wants for us.

[creaturefeaster]

Heyy if it's not too much to ask, could you talk about Zack? And Idk... Something with Tay? (I love them, they're my life)

I gotchya!

I'll give the rundown of Zack & Taylor's general dynamic throughout their part of the story, since that seems to be in line with what you're wanting :3.

~*~

Taylor is one of the only people that Zack can't really bullshit-- something Zack really loves to do to a lot of people, mind you,-- and as a result it's something that absolutely drives Zack up the wall. In many ways, but especially in like, yknow, a gay way.

Zack loves a challenge, but he's also good at knowing the limits of people's patience. Initially he chooses to stick around Taylor because he's interested in seeing what he can get away with, and for how long. Taylor is merely a well-known acquaintance to him at the start, and his original intention after the Fault was to use Taylor's practical nature to score free food and supplies for a while without having to put in the 100% effort it would have taken alone. Even that, though, he fails at with Taylor because Taylor quickly has none of that shit with him. So they both end up equally pulling their weight.

Zack and Taylor both don't tend to keep close friends. Zack makes a lot of people think they're his friend, but his real friends would be the ones he keeps some emotional distance on (i.e. like Taylor, before the Fault). Taylor on the other hand is just a bit of a introvert and doesn't click well with most people.

That all being said, you could consider it quite marvel that they continue to stick with each other and only with each other. In a way it could be said that Zack did get to Taylor, because initially Taylor's a pretty straight edge person with rigid morals & a very law-abiding attitude. But barely a month down the line and they're off raising a special flavor of chaos together wherever they go.

It may also be that, deep down past his conscious knowledge, Taylor's favorite kind of person is just someone who can get him riled up. Zack's naughty little tricks and schemes fire up Taylor's brain, but in a way that his post-apocalyptic self kinda loves. He won't admit it but Taylor really, really loves the freedom he has in the post-Fault world. And Zack enables him so hard.

Another reason Zack stuck around Taylor was because he just thinks he's stunning, honestly. Taylor is tall, built, has flowing golden hair and a perpetual aura of mystique irradiating from his sunglasses. So that's like catnip to Zack, someone who is very openly gay & flirtatious alongside the fact. As far as they both know, though, Taylor is straight and so Zack is on a one-sided pine train for several months. (Or at least he thinks it's one-sided! ;])

Said reason above is also a driving factor of the third reason Zack sticks around Taylor-- because he wants to protect him. It is not because he thinks Taylor is a beacon of kindness, or that he thinks Taylor is necessarily deserving of protection, but really he's just like. Okay he's hot & knows a lot of stuff so let's see how this turns out. Zack could probably survive on his own post-Fault, however reckless as he may be, but he does not believe Taylor could survive on his own. And he knows Taylor would try to make it on his own because he's an antisocial hard-ass.

So anyway, a lot of their initial journey is pretty rocky. Because neither of them keep close friends often, and neither of them stick around the same person every single day 24/7, there's a lot of tension and aggression and disagreements. But the more they go on together, the more they learn about each other, and the more they save & aid each other from harm, the greater is the bond that grows between them.

Oh and you know. Some of that tension & anger in the long run may have turned into pent up desire along the way ^^. Who's to know what they get up to when they're alone later on haha. heheheoo

🐈

[painonthebrain]

Whumptober 2024 Masterlist

Day 1: [Alt. prompt] - Forgotten (writing)

BBU, pet whump, institutionalized slavery, memory loss, dehumanization

Day 2: Trust issues (writing)

Whumper-turned-whumpee, transformation (past, demon to human), hygiene things (nonhuman learning about human hygiene), sadism

Day 3: Set up to fail (writing)

BBU, pet whump, institutionalized slavery, conditioning, light violence

Day 4: “You’re still alive in my head” (writing & illustration)

Implied major character death, nightmares, unreality, referenced drug use/addiction

Day 5: “If my pain will stretch that far” (writing)

Death wish, heavy gore, degloving, drugged whumpee (paralytic), immortal whumpee (kind of), medic caretaker, factory whump

Day 6: “It’s not my blood” (writing)

BBU, pet whump, institutionalized slavery, blood, germaphobia, lightly referenced/implied noncon

Day 7: Magic with a cost (writing)

Magic chills, hurt/comfort, fluff

Day 8: Isolation chamber (writing)

Isolation, lab whump, captivity, nonhuman whumpee, self harm

Day 9: Obsession (moodboard)

Yandere/intimate whumper, obsession, noncon kissing, violence, restraints, stalking

Day 10: Slurred words/Passing out from the pain (writing)

Noncon body modification/surgery (aftermath), body horror, drugging, lab whump, nausea, excessive vomit, forced stripping, nonsexual nudity, delirium

Day 11: “Leave no trace behind, like you don’t even exist” (writing)

Lab whump, captivity, kidnapping (aftermath)

Day 12: “Just a little more” (writing)

BBU, pet whump, institutionalized slavery, surveillance, conditioning

Day 13: [Alt. prompt] - Body swap (writing)

Body swapping (whumper & whumpee), team whump

Day 14: [Alt. prompt] - Venom (writing)

Venom, alcohol, immortal whumper, implied murder

Day 15: Childhood trauma/Moment of clarity (writing)

Major character death, gore, child whump, fear of death, demon whump, angelic whumpers, eye whump

Day 16: “No, I can’t feel anything” (writing)

Lab whump/medical whump, aliens, experiment whumpee, scientist/surgeon whumper, needles/syringes, noncon drugging, restraints, implied surgical procedure

Day 17: Nowhere else to go (writing)

Child whump, demon whump, environmental whump

Day 18: “I see what’s mine and take it” (writing)

Servant auction, creepy whumper

Day 19: One way out (writing)

Lab whump, sedated/unconscious whumpee, implied surgical procedure (future)

Day 20: “It’s not your fault” (art)

Murder

Day 21: Let the bedsheet soak up my tears” (art)

Minor whump, nightmare

Day 22: Reopening wounds (writing)

Major character death (past, referenced), childhood trauma

Day 23: “I’m doing this for you” (writing)

Servant whump, conditioning/training, restraints, stress position (implied, future), the mc being gay as hell

Day 24: [Alt. prompt] - Survivor’s guilt (writing)

Minor whump (young child), major character death

Day 25: Being monitored (art)

Lab whump

Day 26: Breakfast table (writing)

Angst, nonsexual nudity

Day 27: [Alt. prompt] - Vermin (art)

Angst, minor whump

Day 28: Denial (art)

Angst

Day 29: Fatigue (art)

Angst

Day 30: Holding back tears (writing)

Angst, alcohol use, drug use

Day 31: [Alt. prompt] - Finding old messages (writing)

Alcohol use, drug use

[thatonesillyducko]

haven't interacted with u in a while, but saw u wanted asks

strap in pooks bc my brainworms are noisy asf

not sure if u've said this before but is Jemima a cat or dog person? or both? or none?

if she was in a car and Keegan and a puppy are blocking the road, what is she hitting? (choose wisely)

her thoughts on le gays (choose even more wisely for this one)

her fav movie and if Keegan likes it too, wont watch it with her, watches it solely bc its Jemima's fav movie, or smth else i didnt list

if she met a clumsy asf, AuDHD Aussie Navy officer sent over as support with a red wolfcut and too many piercings who introduces themselves as 'Kit' what would she say/do? (this is incredibly important >:C)

her thoughts on crunchy peanut butter

have funnnn :D

Oh pookie hello there-- I will answer all of them 'WISELY'

── .✦1. Jemíma is neither a cat nor a dog person. She is comfortable around both animals and can appreciate their unique personalities and traits, but she doesn't feel particularly drawn towards either species. If she were to have a pet, she would associate with dogs more than cats, a well-trained dog, and enjoy the companionship and physical activity that comes with owning one. However, she may not have much experience with cats, and she might not be as interested in their independent and self-sufficient nature. So, she would lean more towards dogs, but she wouldn't mind the company of a friendly cat either. (She adores Riley so much that one day she stole Hesh's dog--)

── .✦2. If Jemíma was driving a car and a puppy was blocking the road, she would not intentionally hit the puppy. Instead, stop the car and try to find a way to safely remove the puppy from the road without causing it harm. She would use her communication skills to try to coax the puppy away from the road, and if necessary, she would get out of the car and carefully move the puppy to safety.

── .✦3. Huh? Well, idk... She considers her fellow soldiers on their skills and abilities, rather than their sexuality.

── .✦4. Jemíma's favourite movies might not be something that Keegan would normally enjoy, but he would watch it solely because it's her favourite. She might enjoy more dramatic and emotional such as Spanish-language telenovelas (STILL WATCHES TILL THIS DATE). Keegan might not necessarily understand the dialogues (*GASPS IN SPANISH*) or appreciate the genre, but he would watch it with her just because she loves it. He would be attentive and engaged, even if he secretly find the movie to be a bit cheesy or melodramatic.

── .✦5. Jemíma would greet Kit with a mixture of curiosity and skepticism, a bit taken aback by Kit's appearance and quirky personality, but curious and open-minded, probably just find their appearance a bit unusual compared to the more traditional military look she was used to. Based on personality... ultimately judge them based on their skills and competence rather than their looks. She'll observe them closely and try to understand their behaviour, while still maintaining her usual serious demeanour.

── .✦6. Jemíma may have a neutral or moderate opinion on crunchy peanut butter. She might appreciate the added texture and crunchiness, but would also recognize that some people might find it too coarse or uncomfortable to eat. Overall, she might not have a strong preference either way, and would not be bothered if someone served her a sandwich with either smooth or crunchy peanut butter. She would not complain, but instead accept it with a shrug and carry on with her day.

[birdboy1]

Coming back form the dead with more headcanons 😈😈😈 ( bakar ver)

Bakar

• He had many noticeable signs of ADHD during childhood but his parents never knew so he was diagnosed late , probably around his 20s

• Since it's canon that he is the youngest out of the three mentors, he was also like the higher up students in the past ( y'know Kim , sam and others) and had a different team before the main one , sadly his first team all died during to failed missions ( he was prob 17 during this)

• Did a few calculation

Ali =12 Bakar =28 minus the two numbers equals 16

Now , I don't know how old when Ejen Aliya died but she looks young during it so Ali was probably 5-6 while Bakar was just fresh , starting to become 20+ has already started to take care of Ali

• Many and many people draw him fat , for sum reasons really fat ( like he Prego or smth) . I feel like he's more of a bulk + dad bod-ish

• This man self taught himself on crafting during his highschool years

• has his own journal:D

•its said in the ea wiki page that Bakar used to work as a burger man , so technically he lived through poverty during childhood

• His dad is like a retired MMA fighter ( or ig just a regular boxer) would force his son (Bakar ofc) to join in boxing when he was just only 10 . At first , Bakar seems to like it and trains a lot for fun , but once his dad started to give him more harmful training like making him do excessive punching a boxing bag for example. His father would drain his energy out so much Bakar began to miss and hit walls ( maybe also the reason Bakar had hand protection in his suit design)

• Bakar never liked boxing, or heck even the pillar he's in. It reminded him of his dad's way too damn much, he wanted to be a techno like his sister ofc , seems she was the only one there

• Started smoking and drinking after the death of his sister, but once he was caught by Leon, instead of him yelling at him or getting mad at him. Leon felt bad and tried to help him out of it ( my gay old men :DDD)

• Will literally shower with cold water and act like there's nothing happening .

• Has a book of Aliya scrapbook filled with food menus

( okay, going back to my grave folks)