#GOOFY. GOOFY ANALYSIS GOOFY BEHAVIOUR.

[happyendingsong]

someone in the tags of prev took it as a launching point to compare shiki w beat ( :) 👍! ) but fairly firmly lands on it being shiki's fault she and beat aren't close in neo because shiki's such a selfish bitch ( :( 👎! )

trying to pass off beat not knowing who in universe hello kitty is as shiki's fault for 'prioritising herself' is so funny please. i think if one of your multiple soul bonded besties invented in universe hello kitty, it is YOUR moral obligation to know who in universe hello kitty is. that's on beat.

[neverevan]

Do you have any idea where the 'oliver hates lou' thing came from? Cause all I've seen is them praising each other and oliver saying how fun and goofy lou is. The only 'reason' I've seen from big blogs is that oliver doesn't follow him but he only follows the main cast now, not even anirudh or john who he's friends with so ? I doubt that means he hates him?

no idea who said it first, but as most vile things, it came from twitter.

people are grasping for straws because they aren't happy with the bucktommy storyline. Lou came in and did his job and said yes to a storyline that gave us bi Buck and these people are trying to bully him on twitter, trying to get a gotcha out of him, the cast and other fans on the regular.

the man cannot move an inch without them being up his ass about it, which, as I said before has me a little concerned for various reasons, some of them being Lou leaving the show prematurely due to the behaviour, the fandom en masse getting a bad reputation similar to other large toxic fandoms in the past (spn, stranger things, voltron, etc.) and just in general it grinds my gears that people can't fucking separate the actor from the character.

hate Tommy all you want, make up reasons, ignore his backstory and growth all you want, but Lou is a real human being who we don't know.

for what we see from him and what he lets us see is nice, but even if he's somehow this evil, terrible person... we just don't know. we're not working with him, we aren't his friends or family so it's just completely deranged to think that any of us can make an accurate analysis of his behaviour.

the cast and Tim only ever said that he's goofy, he's sweet, he's kind and great to work with — which, believe them or not, but it is what was said. he loves the character, Oliver loves the storyline and just because they barely know each other, it doesn't mean they hate each other.

and even if they did — it wouldn't matter. the actors' relationship doesn't affect the show as long as everyone is being professional and I'd be surprised if they weren't.

all this to say; this whole thing is made up and normal people have no reason to believe it and also should not have interest in if the cast likes Lou or not; but for all intents and purposes, by the cast's own admission, they like him.

[thatgirl4815]

One thing that strikes me about Ray/Sand vs Ray/Mew is that for the life of me I just can't picture the Ray who jumps on Sand and sticks his smelly pits in his face, the Ray who is cheeky and playful and a bit goofy, doing those things or acting that way with Mew. And I don't even mean within the context of any romantic relationship - I find it really hard to imagine their friendship having any such similar moments, where they're just two boys being a bit daft. With Sand Ray can be flirty, sensual, fierce, but he can also be silly, petulant, carefree (whilst sober). I just can't see him exhibiting that duality in his relationship with Mew. In their scenes previous to The Dance of Doom, he's usually been quite serious, heavy, earnest - weighed down, whether by Mew's expectations or his own feelings I don't know (likely both). He just seems so much lighter when he's with Sand (and they're apart from everyone else). I'm not saying it's Mew's fault - maybe it's a result of the pedestal he occupies in Ray's mind, but I just thought it was interesting. Ray often seems like an entirely different person when he's with Sand. And I think that's why those of us rooting for a (healthy) endgame are so invested, because in those interactions we see the person Ray COULD be, and it's pretty clear it's Sand that brings out that potential. Again, not saying he doesn't also require a shitload of soul-searching and professional help, but how could you NOT want him to reach that potential? And I'm almost certain the showrunners would agree. Now that doesn't necessarily mean the only way to get there is a Sand/Ray happy ending or that Sand owes it to Ray to put up with his bullshit in the meantime, but I think Sand wants that for Ray too and I don't think that makes him pathetic. I think Sand is pretty good at spotting when Ray's behaviour is that of someone in crisis vs being a brat/careless. It's probably why he requires an apology for Ray dropping him at the end of ep 3 but not for the insults at the end of ep 6 (well that and the whole near death experience!). No, Sand is under no obligation to keep loving/caring for Ray at his worst, but if he CHOOSES to do so because he's seen him at his best and because he knows the pain that lies beneath it all, well then actually that's something quite remarkable. Not romantic, mind you - remarkable. I'm not romanticising anything. But to me that shows a strength of character and a depth of compassion that's worthy of respect.

Great observations! I also can't really see a teasing, light-hearted RayMew relationship (at least, not when they're both sober), mostly because we haven't seen that dynamic much at all between them as friends. The thing that makes friends-to-lovers plots so successful is the chemistry between friends conjoined with romantic chemistry. And I don't get much of either of those between them (possibly because the vast majority of scenes between Ray and Mew only are about Ray's alcohol/drug problems).

A lot of this goes back to what you said about Ray putting Mew on a pedestal. It's always felt like Mew is in a superior position while Ray is only pining after him. With Ray and Sand, we see Sand acknowledge the dangers of Ray's behavior, but it never comes across as domineering or self-righteous (reminds me of @bird-inacage's analysis here about how Sand and Mew react differently to Ray's addictions).

I definitely think Ray is a better version of himself with Sand. He's noticeably less drunk around him, he opens up about his past, he apologizes and speaks relatively openly about his feelings, he makes an effort to invest in Sand's interests...the list goes on. Those are all signs of a healthy relationship built on mutual interests. For Ray and Mew, I think it's fair to say there are other motivations beyond romantic feelings.

I also admire Sand's depth of compassion. As you said, he is under no obligation to keep coming back to Ray and caring for him the way he does, but the fact that he is doing that despite knowing that he deserves better says a lot about his values. When he cares for someone, he cares for them deeply, despite the pain they might inflict upon him. For someone like Sand who seems so headstrong in other areas of his life, there's something endearing about how soft he is for Ray.

[machineheraldandy]

Miguel’s story is one of SA

Miguel O’Hara: story analysis

General trigger warning for SA/Grooming/childhood SA/drugging, if it’s too triggering please have a good day and keep yourself safe instead of reading :)

This piece comes from a grooming victim, so I have a bit of insight of certain topics, everything is written with care. (I hope)

Rambling a lot!!!

There is a general story told in Miguel O’Hara’s spiderman series, one of him being spiderman of course, the new one, but also one of how his life isn’t his, how his story is one of SA. This was more recently ignored and changed by PAD in order to make him more like Peter Parker, treating his deep adult issues as more goofy “haha spiderman!” Things instead of what they are. That will be addressed. Like always this is a part ramble, part think piece.

Miguel from the start does not have his own life, from the day Conchata is pregnant with him, his life was planned out, he wouldn’t be her son, or George’s, he wouldn’t be a person, he would be the toy of Tyler Stone, the moment he was born was the moment he was groomed, he never had a choice, never had a way out, never got a chance to even try to run. Tyler planned to groom him into what he was. It’s made clear.

Miguel from the start became smart, not so much by his own will but because he was expected to, by George, an abusive alcoholic. He got into the Alchemax school for gifted children, not because he wanted to but because George set it up, but Tyler/Conchata had it planned. (Most likely)

From how Miguel is written it could be assumed that he would have rather been beaten while protecting Gabriel then having to go to that school, but had the fear or being nothing, and being beaten worse if he didn’t, he’s scared of his family, scared of failure, scared of George, and Tyler. Scared of not following orders.

In his Childhood, Tyler was distant but groomed him from the side, by all means it was known early on that Kron had a Personality disorder which made him Anti-social, what disorder? Unknown and will not be guessed upon as that would villainise people with the disorder. From my personal point of view, Kron was the child meant to be Tyler’s best but Tyler moved onto Miguel quickly due to Tyler seeing it as a waste to try with Kron anymore. It could be shown that Kron sense of the world changed due to Tyler, and Krons later behaviours were that of a Groomer, and of course SA’er in the future.

Tyler while knowing Kron had a personality disorder or just ignoring it, taught him the behaviour of going after women, Tyler had been divorced many times, he had many women, Tyler taught him to have power over people and to use that against them. By all means Kron became what he was due to Tyler. HENSE why Tyler is even worse in this. Tyler on accident created an abuser, that would do exactly what Tyler did, but more publicly.

Going into this is to not explain Krons actions or defend him but to say that the general theme of SA, has so many roots linking back to each other. Kron goes on to SA Miguel’s first girlfriend (at the time best friend) miguel walks in on this, stops it, gets nearly killed, There is no doubt what happened to Xina was indeed SA, it was just the only form of SA they may have been allowed to show, Xina is naked and Kron holding a knife is forcing her to take her towel off, it’s implied that so much worse would have happened to Xina if Miguel didn’t arrive.

I won’t go much into this though as from my point of view PAD wrote a SA story in this to make a man a savour of a woman, (or boy saving girl) the way it was handled wasn’t well. Even if it’s important to how Miguel’s story has SA, and seems to be a story about SA.

The next time he is assaulted in a way that brings into the question of SA and hidden meanings is Raptor, Tyler is Miguel’s groomer, Tyler admits as much verbally, Tyler drugs Miguel to keep control of him, he does something an abusive groomer would do, he makes Miguel believe miguel is reliant on him even-though he isn’t and never was. Miguel didn’t take enough of the drugs for it to affect him, but Tyler convinces him otherwise, an abuse tactic similar to real abuse tactics. “You can’t leave, you need me! Due to a lie!”

Some see this as an allegory for SA, I do too, specially when the rest of his story is the way it is.

The next time which isn’t SA but it’s important to the SA, and how his life isn’t his own, is him becoming spiderman, Aaron mad at him forcefully tried to kill him in a way that forces him to become spiderman against his will, he attempts to escape his groomer Tyler, and as a result becomes what he sees as a monster not worth living, in his attempt to escape he falls deeper into himself, deeper into an emotional pit he can’t escape, his life isn’t his, when he tries to make it his own, it fails, it always fail, he will never escape, what is the point?

He then as spiderman gets SA’ed, a villain forcefully kisses him, he doesn’t want it, he needs to get her off and he does so in a way that only him, spiderman could do. Paralysing her with his fangs, this moment sucked as it was less treated like SA and just as a 1990s comic thing, but it also…was amazing, Miguel’s escape from himself that he believed failed in a way helped him, that’s good accidental story telling. You also have the thing of how a victim might go “it worked but it only happened due to!” As Miguel only got SA’ed due to being spiderman, but he got saved due to being spiderman, meaning there is a major conflict, yes his attempt to save himself failed then failed again but it helped? But it only helped due to another failure? Keeping him trapped.

The next time we see SA/Grooming in the comics, is to do with Dana, everyone doesn’t like her specially for this, but there is one thing to note, Dana was a 23 year old fiancé to a grooming victim, that grooming victims, groomer wanted sex out of her, when being 50+, not only is there an age gap so big it can call into questions on if it okay, but he is a extremely rich business man (power inbalance) and someone that actively was still grooming Miguel, you could see Tyler doing this as a way to try and trap and hurt Miguel more + grooming Dana, and that’s what it should be treated as! Even if Tyler “fell in love” with Dana, it came from a bad place. And there was NOT proper consent.

The next time SA is an issue is when Kron comes back as Venom, he kidnaps Dana and Xina, making nasty remarks, some remarks which can be taken as even sexual jokes, Xina was SA’ed by him as a child, and now he becomes nasty again, he reopens wounds, and in the process hurts Dana/Xina/Miguel.

The story ends soon after for the 1992 run, but continues within the 2015 run, Miguel’s girlfriend tempest once again is a victim of SA, I don’t know much about it so I won’t go into it, but then Miguel is a victim of SA AGAIN, getting forcefully kissed and forced into a position he never wanted to be in as a lady forces him to be in it otherwise he risks being exposed for who he is (a future spiderman)

Miguel’s story runs heavy with SA themes, grooming themes, and is overall a sad story about a victim, a victim who later gets treated like a joke and treated like he should never have existed by the people that created him. What is worse is…the new comics

Miguel teaming up with Kron: we all know it, we all hate it, PAD ruined Miguel, he made it known Miguel still had his own mind when befriending Kron, and Kron only maybe a week prior had canonly killed Dana, and…once again Miguel saw Kron SA Xina, he then for a bit treated Kron like a better brother than Gabriel.

This could have been written so much better, victims attach to their abusers, you could logically in character find a way to get Miguel to work with Kron, as Miguel is a victim his whole life, Miguel was groomed by Krons father, Kron got his behaviour from his father.

PAD could have written an abuse victim getting an unhealthy attachment to an abuser after tragically losing Dana, and going through all the abuse, as victims do that. But he chose to be disgusting. And to write Miguel poorly. Like always.

So like always, Miguel can’t have it his way, he can’t even have his personality without the writers changing it to make him less him. He has never been in control, and never will, his story is sad, and it’s one of so much tragedy.

If anything I said was written in a bad way please let me know so I can fix it! 💖

[kabbalicgay]

Kinda wish "leftists" would invest more time into actual feminist theory instead of the tired, old "wanting women to have equal rights doesn't mean women have to stop doing traditional woman-ly things" type of rhetoric that's popping up incessantly. Like maybe you should be examining why those "traditional woman-ly things" are associated with women and what the implications of that association are, and furthermore, why, perhaps, the idea of women choosing to participate in misogynist behaviour and patriarchy is something we should interrogate and critique lmao.

I'm editing this to add on: ra/d.fe.minism has never, at any point, given a good analysis of material conditions and does, in fact, completely reinforce gendered stereotypes, misogynist violence, anti-Blackness, colonial gender roles and binaries, and overall is a poor lense through which to examine the world. You mfs are goofy.

[halo-lll-odst]

whats your favorite half life creature

I LOVE THE ANTLIONS SO MUCH theyre so goofy lookin and i think theyre really cute tbh. their sound effects are so good too they just buzz around and screech a bit. whenever i play nova prospekt i treat them like my children they are so goddamn cute. also i for some reason love the fucked up fact that their back legs are their front ones and their front legs are there back ones? like look at em theyre so funky. whats up with them i love them so

houndeyes are probably a favorite too, i remember i once saw on a video analysis of houndeye behaviour i think it was? that someone's headcanon for them was that they aren't inherently hostile, but they just get so excited and unfortunately the sonic pulses they release as energy hurt the player. theyre just little space dogs and theyre really happy and theyre just so excited :( i wanna hold one also also also probably snarks, though maybe to a lesser degree? i think i moreso like how gordon plays with them as an idle animation in both hl1 and the black mesa remake LOL but theyre still super cute.

stupid round thing i love it so fucking much. handheld idiot.

[illustrationcharacterdigital]

The Square characters:

The characters I believe fit in this category are as follows:

Finn the Human from 'Adventure Time' Spongebob from 'Spongebob Squarepants' and Richard Watterson from 'The Amazing World of Gumball'

In animation character design a square structure is the go-to form for a character with a strong/ dependable spirit.

Finn the Human: is the lead protagonist in the show 'Adventure Time' alongside his animal sidekick Jake the dog. Throughout the show Finn constantly finds himself in various life threatening and odd and dangerous scenarios. Out of the pair (Finn and Jake), Finn is consistently the what described as the dependable and strong friend. His title 'Finn the human' specifies that Finn is indeed the only one of his kind in the 'Adventure Time' universe, making him the odd one out in a way. This character trait could perhaps be a reflection of his more rectangular structure, you see a rectangle is basically a stretched square and could be seen as symbolism to him being the odd one out in his society. Finn's colours also align nicely with his persona especially the blue for his clothes. Blue symbolises serenity, stability, inspiration and wisdom. It is also noted for its calming aura and connotations of reliability. The green on his backpack is also associated with concepts of hope, renewal, inventing, analysis and perfectionism.

Spongebob Squarepants: a square with pants, is most commonly remembered for his intense child-like behaviour, naivety and obnoxiousness. However, a more overlooked aspect to his personality is his undeniable loyalty, determination and dependability. Throughout Spongebob's time on the screen he has been faced with many quests and tasks with which he is always adamant to complete. Another example of his dependable character is his great dedication to his job. The constant underlying subplot of the series is Spongebob's passion for his work, which is reflected in is square shape. Spongebob's signature colour is ofcourse yellow! The perfect colour to identify him as it exemplifies optimism, energy, joy, happiness and friendship (literally all the components of Spongebob's personality!) His little sharp red tie signifies his compassion and quick wittedness. The brown pants he wears can also be seen as a way to show his resilience and dependable spirit!

Richard Watterson: is known as the incredibly goofy father of Gumball. He is the complete opposite of what one would consider to be an ideal father figure. He is very much like a child in a grown-up's body, and yet he is the most loveliest of fathers and is deeply caring for his children despite being a what some would regard as a complete idiot. The rule of shapes in character design was definitely considered for Richard, the square fits perfectly with his strong nature. As although he is intended as the most pathetic character on the show he is always there for the family when they need it and is oddly heroic in his own way as the dependable dad! Richard's colours are pink and brown. Pink associates itself with themes of love and kindness and enhances is warm and friendly mannerisms. And ofcourse he also sports a pair of brown pants (*more information on brown pants in the Spongebob paragraph above). Overall Richard Watterson's design is that of someone who is dependable and strong in his own way.

[kestrel-of-herran]

twenty five twenty one: all my thoughts on episode eight

HELLO AND WELCOME TO LILLY ANALYSIS CENTRAL! please take a seat, grab your favourite drink of choice, and enjoy the mayhem that’s about to ensue!

                                  ~ the balancing act ~

the first thing that strikes you as you enter episode eight is the sharp swerve in conflicts, pacing, and focus. while the previous episode brought us the high stakes emotions of fencing drama, the current installment recalls the series’ milder start by returning to everyday character relationships and the impact of the financial crisis. this much needed lull in the action is practically textbook plotting right after the mid-climax, and glides the story forward masterfully by tying loose threads from the beginning (the “happiness” promise) and opening completely new conflicts for our protagonist, na hee do.

                            ~ the protagonist in love ~

i love love love the way this show is treating hee do and letting her shine just as she deserves. instead of being relegated to the love interest niche, hee do is introduced to us as a person, a growing teen with a dream and the guts to achieve it. at eighteen, she was goofy, reckless, inventive, warm, and wise beyond her years in a way that made it easy to not only relate to her, but look up to her and wish her success as naturally as a heartbeat. at nineteen, we get to see her achieve her biggest dream and feel the world’s unfairness crash on her shoulders. we see her rage and her catharsis, and we see her move on with her daily life after the storm, bruised but still herself.

but the achievement of a dream only opens up the pursuit of a new one. now that hee do has climbed this staircase, she’s found herself at the threshold of a new step: coming of age.

the beginning of hee do’s self-conscious romantic arc is so satisfying because we already know her so well. we have already followed her through so many ups and downs, quietly wondering in the back of our minds, i wonder who she’ll be when she falls in love. and what wonderfully down-to-earth answer we got – as relatable and inspirational as she’s always been. when she attacks the yearbook in an academic-study-level hunt for yi jin’s ex girlfriend, when she begins to examine every minuscule moment between her an yi jin, when she struggles to be seen by him for who she is becoming, we laugh for her, we feel for her, and we cheer her on.

her monologue when she compares her life path to yi jin’s once again showcases her incredible emotional intelligence, and the conflict the show brings between her and yi jin by showing the helpless disparity of their worldviews on the edge of adulthood is heartbreaking in such a beautifully familiar way.

                                   ~ redemption arcs ~

the only thing i want to touch upon in this section can be summed by a bulgarian proverb: “whatever calls, the same will answer.”

forgiveness requires sincerity. it requires a genuine desire and effort to make amends at the cost of one’s pride. it comes after the realization that your relationship with the other is more important than your thoughts and feelings at the point in time when you hurt them.

yu rim’s financial difficulties are heartbreaking, her methods of coping are mildly horrifying, but her attitude towards hee do remains unexplainable and irredeemable unless she willingly changes how she treats hee do. no amount of dramatic crying in the pool can soften the audience towards the refusal of a simple kindness like handing over a pair of scissors, and i think the show knows this very well. if anyone is moving our hearts with her behaviour towards a nemesis/online bestie, it’s hee do again, reacting with genuine sympathy when she witness yu rim breaking down. at the same time, yu rim relays the distress she caused hee do to yi jin with calmness and a vague “it’s not my fault so you can’t blame me but i don’t want you to hate me so i’ll demonstrate some critical thought” angle.

and for the record, i don’t hate yu rim, but i can’t like her either. all my initial interest towards her character has fizzled into vague distaste, like the metallic aftertaste of cheap ice cream that probably contained something that could kill you with enough build-up in fifty years. i can’t feel a single thing towards her, because she isn’t giving me anything to build a connection upon that isn’t directed towards her personal catastrophe, while characters who struggle no less than her in their own battles, like yi jin and hee do, constantly put their self pity aside and go out of their way to help and comfort others. hee do would comfort yu rim when she’s crying; would yu rim do the same for hee do? only when this answer becomes “yes” can i begin to care for her character; until then, she is as isolated in this series as an ice statue in the middle of a protest march.

                          ~ endings and beginnings ~

has anyone else watched “you’ve got mail”? it’s a lovely 90s american romcom about two sworn rivals, the owner of an indie bookstore and the ceo of a bookstore chain threatening to put the indie bookstore out of business. oh, and they’re online pen pal best friends who hate each other’s guts in public, then rant about the other in their emails. as you’ve already guessed, this is a love story.

the ending of today’s episode finally explained why the show teased its audience with the false hint that yi jin is hee do’s online pen pal – because he eventually gets entangled in the complicated relationship between hee do and yu rim.

i’m head over heels in love with the choices of the show-makers here: making hee do’s pen pal her fencing rival, which becomes the prerequisite for a pivotal shift in their relationship, based on their true hearts rather than the tough faces they show the world; yu rim’s genuine reaction of fear and disbelief when she realizes the truth, followed by her inability to process her emotions when she understands that the rivalry she fueled for months and months was a war she led against the same person she also cherished all this time; placing yi jin at the crossroads between hee do’s honest feelings for him and for her pen pal, thus inspiring her to believe in her ability to be seen as his equal not only in pranks, but in love.

the contrast between yu rim and hee do is once again in sharp focus: when the irl they’re having a rough patch with turns out to be their online best friend, yu rim spits on her heels. but not hee do. hee do takes a deep breath, straightens her shoulders that have endured fall after fall, and becomes bold enough to fill the shoes she desperately wants to be big enough for.

in this moment, she isn’t walking towards yi jin in a sunlit street: she’s advancing towards him on the piste. in this moment, the yellow rose she grips might as well be a sword aimed for his heart.

and the best part is that he sees her. he sees her just as she wanted him to see her: as a worthy opponent willing to stop at nothing to win. and, my god, that girl was born to win.

[tape clicks. in the background, muffled as if the speaker is screaming through a pillow:]

“i have to have you”??? “I HAVE TO HAVE YOU”????? if i was baek yi jin i’d get on my knees then and there my gOD–

[freedomseeker91]

Behind Frenemy Lines....

Summary: Aubrey Posen is the head of an elite team of agents in the FBI’s BAU department. When the threat of a domestic attack on the capital emerges, Beca Mitchell and Chicago Walp, two of her best agents and former Special Ops soldiers, are dispatched as part of an FBI Special Task Force. But what Aubrey commits to out of a sense of duty, could result in her losing her long standing friendship with fellow agent and best friend Chloe Beale, aka, Beca Mitchell’s wife. 

Rating: T for Angst

Warnings: None

FBI Headquarters – Quantico, Virginia

Headquarters was a hive of activity that morning as news of a potential domestic terrorist attack in Washington filtered in from the Pentagon, putting the FBI on high alert. Agents were frantically pooling resources to try gain more intel on the situation as the heads of department tried to organise teams on the ground.

Chloe manoeuvred her way down the corridor, a coffee cup in one hand, an open file in the other. She skipped around some people who rushed past her, spinning around and bellowing an irritated ‘easy’ after them and spun back around only to collide with another body.

This one, had the decency to steady her on her feet as hands came up to settle on her hips, squeezing playfully.

“Somebody didn’t get their morning coffee early enough,” came a playful, teasing voice and Chloe cocked her head to the side and grinned back.

“That’s because someone kept me up half the night with their smartass mouth,” Chloe sassed back whacking them with the file she was holding, the victim of her attack giving her hips another firm squeeze.

“You seemed to find my smartass mouth pretty magical last night.”

At this Chloe grinned and leaned in, one arm coming up to wrap around a pale slender neck, file dangling from her hand as lips began to eagerly seeking more and as tongues began to dual, Chloe hummed in response.

“Ah yes. Now I remember,” she mumbled, as a hand worked its way down her back to gently grope at her bottom in a playful yet suggestive manner.

“MITCHELL! Please stop molesting my team members in public,” a voice hollered from the walkway over the bull pen.

The hand that had been resting on the curve of Chloe’s ass cheek suddenly snapped back and raised itself in the air along with its partner in a show of surrender, Agent Beca Mitchell turning to face Senior Agent Aubrey Posen who was glaring down at her.

“Yes your honour!” She saluted, earning an eye roll and a shake of the head from her superior as she walked away.

Chloe chuckled behind her as she took another sip of her coffee. Once Aubrey was out of sight Beca turned back around rolling her eyes.

“She does know I’m on her team too right?” Beca said and Chloe nodded her head.

“Oh she’s very aware. You also hold the distinction of being the biggest pain in her ass,” Chloe replied as Beca gazed off into the distance a goofy grin on her face as she thought of the all time she had spent winding Aubrey up purely for her own amusement.

“Yeah,” she sighed, “sure made it fun watching her try to say nice things about me during the speeches at our wedding though,” Beca chuckled and Chloe rolled her eyes, shoving her wife out of the way so she could continue her trek back to her desk.

Heading down the steps into the bullpen, Chloe took up residence at her desk which was right next to her wife, positioned so that they were facing one another.

Across the way was Stacie and Jessica, next to them, Bumper and Callie, or Calamity as she went by. Next to Beca and Chloe sat Jesse and Benji and completing their little group was Theo and Chicago.

Their team was rounded out by Emily, who acted as the team liaison officer with Patricia Hobart, or Fat Amy as she called herself, who was the chief tech expert and hacker.

The unit was comprised of a mix of FBI graduates who specialised in behavioural analysis, and former military personnel who came equipped with combat experience creating a balance of brain and brawn.

The agents with a military background helped to train their team and other agents in combat, while the graduates used their expertise to further educate their military equivalent in criminal psychology.

Through this development and training strategy, the FBI graduates were as competent in combat as any soldier, while the former soldiers were all qualified in the field of psychology, making them just as adept at reading and understanding the criminal mind.

It was a fast track process the FBI had created and implemented to create elite teams within their agencies, and so far, the success rate had made the strategy worth it.

Chloe, Stacie, Jessica, Bumper and Benji had all graduated from the FBI academy, climbing the ranks through the system. While Beca, Calamity, Chicago, Jesse and Theo had found their way to the FBI after seeing combat on the frontlines.

Beca and Chicago specifically had been members of an elite Special Ops Force and were both heavily recognised as war heroes within military and law enforcement ranks. Their skills usually saw them spearheading operations out in the field and on numerous occasions, they had been deployed as part of a special task team within the FBI.

Aubrey Posen acted as overall team leader. Ranking among the top students in the academy, she excelled as an agent, quickly solidifying her place as the leader of her team under the mentorship and guidance of the head of operations, Gail Abernathy, or as Beca liked to call her Mother Superior.

Chloe and Stacie were the most skilled in behavioural analysis and often worked closely with Aubrey on most missions. They were usually the ones getting local law enforcement on the ground up to speed on cases, whilst also compiling and analysing evidence and information so their team could create an accurate profile.

As for Beca and Chloe’s relationship, let’s just say their partnership proved beneficial on more than just a personal level. Out in the field they made a formidable pairing and their interrogation tactics were often the most fruitful in sealing confessions, or at the very least, digging for information.

Chloe was an empath by nature and had a remarkable ability to gauge the feeling and vibe within a room. This ability helped her not only to understand the victims, but allowed her to find the human side within even the most heinous criminals, allowing her to navigate beyond their well-structured walls and gain valuable insight inside their twisted minds.

Beca meanwhile was the opposite. Much like the criminals she encountered, she too understood the mentality of shielding ones self behind such walls, of being able to separate human emotion from the actions they felt compelled to carry out. Being in the Special Ops, she herself had been forced to look beyond the human to get the job done.

However, the difference between Beca and the criminals she encountered, was that for Beca, that ability was born out of necessity in order to survive in environments that were designed to take her out, to defend those in need of defending and to ensure that the most dangerous criminal masterminds on the planet, never had the chance to carry out their destructive plans.

But this insight into dealing with deranged sociopaths in high intensity situations, gave her the tools to be able to engage with psychotic killers’ head on. Where Chloe used her empathy and intuition to see what was going on underneath, Beca was an impenetrable wall, one that often times shielded Chloe from getting too lost within the intensity of the situations they faced. Keeping her anchored to the surface so she didn’t get lost to the murky water underneath.

Beca had arrived in Quantico with Chicago just before Aubrey had been promoted to team leader and had been paired up with Chloe to fill the vacant spot Aubrey had left behind. Chicago has been paired up with Theo who had just finished service in the military himself.

While the team worked as an overall unit, they were paired off to make designating work that much easier. Agents were often paired with a fellow agent whose skills helped to improve the overall effectiveness of their work rate.

Though Beca and Chloe seemed like total opposites on a surface level, there was something about their personal characters which seemed to blend together perfectly, and while they initially tried to keep their partnership strictly professional, feelings developed and love found a way to blossom, and with the blessing of their superiors, they gave in and had been happily married for just over a year.

While office romances weren’t encouraged, they also weren’t forbidden, as long as they didn’t interfere with an agents’ ability to do their job and carry out their duties. Case in point, romance had also blossomed between Aubrey and Stacie, while Emily and Benji had been engaged in the early buddings of another office romance as well. Bumper and Fat Amy weren’t a couple, but they did bump uglies every now and again to blow off steam in the words of Fat Amy.

This was something the rest of the agents were happy not to acknowledge as the mental images alone were often times more than any of them could handle. As the group began conversing on the information they had gathered in relation to the potential terrorist attacks, Aubrey appeared at the handrail of the walkway and called out to gain their attention.

“Conference room in 10 minutes. Gail wants to go over everything we know so far,” she said before turning on her heel and heading back to her own office, effectively killing the conversation as Beca turned in her seat to face Chloe.

“I do love a family get together. It’s like Thanksgiving with your folks but instead of your bigoted aunt I’ve got Aubrey shooting death daggers at me,” she sighed and Chloe tossed a stress ball that had been sitting on her desk right at her wife’s head, missing by mere inches as the brunette caught it and held it up in her hand while pointing her finger at her with the other.

“We really need to have a discussion about your physically abusive nature.”

Just then a pencil bounced off of her head and Beca dropped both her hands down on the desk and shook her head.

“You wound me Beale,” she sighed dramatically as Chloe gathered up her files and stood up from her desk.

“Yeah well if you don’t get a move on you’ll be the walking wounded if Aubrey gets her hands on you,” Chloe sassed back, as she began making her way across the pen and up the steps.

Beca leaned back in her chair, head cocked to the side and watched her leave, noticing the way Chloe added a little sashay in her stride that really made her ass sway, the redhead shooting her a knowing wink over her shoulder just as she reached the top step and disappeared into the meeting room.

As Bumper passed by her desk he stopped and swivelled on the spot.

“Damn, Beales really been working on those glutes,” he said and Beca straightened her head, though her eyes remained focused on the meeting room Chloe had disappeared into.

“I know four different ways to snap your neck and none of them involve breaking a sweat,” she replied and Bumper quickly turned on his heel and headed for his desk.

“Got it.”

Turning back around toward her desk, Beca gathered up her own files of intel and stood up, grabbing her coffee mug and the now empty one off of Chloe’s desk and headed to the canteen for refills before making her way through the bull pen and up to the meeting room as everyone began filtering in for the briefing.

Waking around the desk, she took the vacant seat next to her wife and placed one of the coffee cups down in front of her, Chloe beaming at the gesture and pressing a kiss to her cheek, earning herself whipping sounds from Jesse from across the desk.

Beca gave him a two fingered salute as she flipped open her files just in time for Aubrey and Gail to make their entrance.

“Alright we’ve got a lot to get through and not a lot of time to get to the bottom of it. Posen you’re up,” Gail said as she took her seat at the front of the room as Aubrey flicked on the screen to show the details of some of their suspects.

“Okay, so far we have six ID’s on potential suspects. Get a good look because these are the faces of the domestic threat to the US.”

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

“Ugh, I’m starving. I can’t do anything else until I eat. You want Taco’s from that new place?” Chloe asked as she dumped the files on her desk, gazing up at her wife who was staring at something on her phone.

“Hey, everything okay?” She asked, brow furrowed and Beca’s head shot up and she gave it a quick nod.

“What? Oh yeah, fine. Just flicking through some news alerts to see if there’s been any other info released we need to keep tabs on,” Beca grinned, slipping her phone onto her desk, “tacos sound great.”

Chloe tipped her head, not quite believing her wife but chose to leave it for later when they had some alone time and weren’t dealing with a potential domestic terrorist attack on their own doorstep. Beca opened up some files and sat down.

“I’ll get a head start on getting background on our new suspects. Can you get some extra chips and guac, think this is gonna be a long one,” Beca groaned and Chloe nodded her head as she slipped on her blazer and collected her wallet from her desk. Stepping around it she leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Beca’s head as she passed.

“I’ll be as quick as I can. Text me if you want anything else while I’m out,” she called out, already half way across the bull pen and heading up the steps towards the corridor that would lead to the exit.

Beca watched her go and once she was out of sight, she turned her head to face Chicago, noticing he too was reading something on his phone. When he glanced up he caught Beca’s eye and she tipped her head at him, before she stood up and crossed the room, both of them heading up the steps towards Aubrey’s office.

Knocking on the door, they stepped inside Aubrey’s office and the blonde looked up from her paperwork and acknowledged them.

“Good you’re here,” she said as she stood up, making her way around her desk, past her agents and closing the door behind them.

“Have a seat, we need to talk. It’s time sensitive,” Aubrey said, Beca and Chicago exchanging knowing looks before taking up residence in the leather chairs in front of the blondes desk, Aubrey returning to her own seat.

“The Pentagon have issued a call out. This threat has been elevated to a red status alert. They want the best of the best on the ground. We need you to link up with the agencies Special Task Force,” Aubrey stated and Beca and Chicago simply exchanged looks before focusing back on Aubrey who they could tell was stressed beneath her composed façade.

“I know I don’t need to tell you how serious this is, or how dangerous it is, but please, exercise due care. You’re to report straight to special task command, the chopper is leaving asap. Don’t engage with the rest of our team,” she said.

Beca and Aubrey gazed directly at one another, the brunette reading the meaning behind her words, ‘Don’t tell Chloe, and I’m sorry I have to be the one to do this’. Beca knew Aubrey was caught between a rock and a hard place, but her job as leader was to carry out the orders given to her, she was just doing her job. It wasn’t her fault Beca and Chicago were so damn good at what they did.

With that the agents tipped their heads and stood up, exiting the room. They stopped briefly outside the office Chicago looking at his fellow agent.

“How ugly do you think this thing is going to get?” He asked and Beca huffed out a breath.

“We’re fighting against our own countrymen, it’s about as ugly as it can get. At least overseas the enemy wasn’t someone who should’ve been fighting with you instead of against you,” Beca replied and Chicago’s jaw clenched at her words.

“We better get going,” he said as he made to leave and Beca placed a hand on his arm to guide him in that direction.

“You go ahead I’ll be right there. I just need to grab something from my desk,” she said. Chicago wanted to argue against her delaying, knowing she was going to do something she probably shouldn’t, but he relented and carried on his way.

Beca jogged down the steps into the bull pen and returned to her desk. She grabbed a piece of paper, scribbled something on it and then folded it in half. Raising up her left hand, she gazed at the wedding ring that sat on her finger, twisting it for a moment, before freeing it from her finger and placing it down in between the fold of the piece of paper.

 Once she was done, she raced back out of the bull pen, up the steps and down the corridor. As she ran she brushed past Jesse who just about managed to avoid spilling his coffee as he dodged her advance.

“Hey what’s the hurry?” he shouted after her and Beca simply kept moving.

“Can’t talk, gotta go,” was her only response.

Jesse’s brow furrowed as he watched her leave, taking a bite out of his doughnut as he shook his head and continued on his way back to his desk.

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

Dropping the large brown take out bag of food on her desk, Chloe released a heaving sigh as she scrambled out of her blazer and rolled up her sleeves. Her appetite long since forgotten. She had only placed her order and been waiting in the queue at the take out place when a barrage of news alerts popped up on her phone that bombs were going off at several locations near the White House.

She had just made a mad dash back to headquarters to find the place bustling with activity as tv screens all around the office focused in on the news, watching the events unfold. It was only a matter of time before her team were dispatched to try and locate the suspects. Or so she thought.

“What the hell happened? I’ve been gone half an hour and it looks like a warzone in Washington,” she said as she made her way over and stood by Stacie, both of them staring up at the screen. The brunette shrugged her shoulders as Jesse raised the volume on the tv from his position leaning against one of the desks the far side of Stacie.

“Apparently the timeline they gave us for a potential attack was a little off, and by a little, like, a lot,” Stacie said shaking her head at the mess that was now playing out right before their eyes.

Chloe scanned the room to locate her wife but couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Where’s Beca?” she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, Jesse gesturing with the remote over his shoulder.

“She bolted out of here about a half hour ago. Didn’t say where,” he said and Chloe frowned at this, her instincts beginning to tingle that something was off.

As she watched the screen, she could see the intensity of the gun fire and the smokey orange haze of areas that had been bombed, the images on screen sending shivers down her spine. This wasn’t just a domestic terrorist attack, it was an insurrection. This wasn’t some attack that had been planned over a manner of days or weeks, this was something that had been years in the making.

Images scrolled by of military trucks flying through the streets, tanks being rolled out around the parameter of the White House to create an exclusion zone, the banner across the bottom of the screen reeling past information of the many wounded and dead from the attack so far with the violence escalating in rapid time.

It had been planned, the bombings, it was all to throw them off so that by the time they had gathered the intel, the insurrectionists would already be on the ground before security could be put in place. Chloe watched as the news reporter gestured to something in the background.

“As you can hear from the gun fire and the blasts behind me, this is a high alert situation, the city is being evacuated. And I’m just being told that the government are deploying military and Special Ops forces into the city to try and push back against the insurgents.”

Chloe’s face paled as the words she had just heard began to sink in. Special Ops. Beca’s absence. The phone scrolling.

She whipped her head around just in time to see Aubrey standing by the walkway overlooking the bull pen, chest heaving as she took in the blondes stoic expression. Stacie turned and caught the glances between both women, putting two and two together in her own head. As Chloe made to move Stacie tried to hold her back with a hand on her arm.

“Chloe, don’t” Stacie started to say but the redhead was already heading for the steps, as Aubrey stepped inside her office.

The redhead bounded down the walk way and burst into Aubrey’s office slamming the door behind her. The blonde placed her hands on her hips and straightened her back as the redhead approached her.

“How could you?” Chloe seethed and Aubrey swallowed thickly.

She couldn’t be Chloe’s best friend in this moment, she had to wear her agency hat, the one that placed her in a position of authority.

“We had orders from higher up to deploy our best agents to the special task team. Beca and Chicago are part of that rank. You know that Chloe. I had to give them their orders to report to the field of duty,” Aubrey explained in a matter-of-fact tone and Chloe gestured with her finger behind her to the are outside the door.

“That’s not some regular case Bree that’s a fucking suicide mission!” Chloe shouted, “they have no idea what they’re walking into.”

Aubrey blanched at this because Chloe was right. This was way beyond the scope they thought they had been working with. But she had a job to do, Beca understood that, Chicago understood it. It had to be done. Aubrey was the team leader it was her job to make the tough calls, she had to put personal feelings aside.

“Chloe, I need you to understand, it’s my job to follow orders,” Aubrey began to say but Chloe wasn’t having it.

“Fuck you Bree!” she bellowed, face red from the anger she was trying and failing to restrain, “would you be this sentimental about your job if it was Stacie?” she queried and the words felt like a sucker punch to Aubrey who held her pointer finger up towards Chloe.

“That’s not fair,” she said and Chloe brushed her off.

“No Bree what’s not fair is you picking and choosing when to shut off your emotions and when to switch them back on. But that’s always been your MO right? Ever since college. Doesn’t matter who gets hurt as long as you get your way and you get to control everything.”

Aubrey’s jaw clenched at this. She knew Chloe was scared and reacting out of fear, but that didn’t make her words hurt any less. This was her best friend. Aubrey had been caught between a rock and a hard place and had made a decision based on what she thought was in the best interest of keeping people alive. That’s why they were in the job they were in. To serve and protect.

“If you’re done, you can leave,” Aubrey said, arms crossed over her chest, and Chloe just shook her head, lips curled in disgust.

“Oh believe me, I’m more than done.”

With that she turned on her heel, ripped open the door and slammed it shut, Aubrey’s emotional dam breaking now that her best friend wasn’t standing right in front of her.

As Chloe stormed down the steps through the bull pen everyone watched on as she jogged down the corridor and out of the office, needing to get some air before she passed out.

Having heard the ruckus, Stacie retreated to Aubrey’s office, knowing her girlfriend needed her and suggesting that the others leave Chloe be so that she could collect herself.

She didn’t know the full details, but she knew they were in for a rough ride.

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

“I get that she’s mad but it’s not like I had a choice. Beca and Chicago know that, hell Chloe even knows it. This is what the Special Task Force is for,” Aubrey offloaded as Stacie stood leaned up against the far wall by the door, listening to her girlfriend vent as she paced the floor.

“Would you have though?” Stacie asked, stopping Aubrey in her tracks as the blonde rubbed her brow, feeling the beginnings of a headache coming on.

“Would I what?” Aubrey asked as she perched herself on the back rest of one of the leather chairs in front of her desk so she was facing the brunette.

“Would you have made the same call if it had been me and not Beca?” Stacie asked, and the blonde faltered at this.

“That’s not a fair question, I have superiors too, I have orders and directives to carry out,” Aubrey said and Stacie stood up from the wall and eradicated the distance between them, placing her hands on Aubrey’s upper arms.

“Babe I get that, and I’m not asking you this to be a bitch, I’m just asking you as your girlfriend. If it had been me would you have made the same call?” Stacie asked again staring her straight in the eye, daring her to try talk her way around it.

But Aubrey couldn’t. As she sat there, mouth bobbing up and down trying to find words, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. Because truth be told, as she gazed deep into Stacie’s eyes, she couldn’t imagine ever having to make that choice.

“No,” she finally whispered, resigning herself to the fact Chloe had been partially right, and Aubrey had in fact shut off her emotions when she had passed on the orders to Beca and Chicago, she had to.

Even though she would never openly admit it out loud, Beca was her friend too. She may have been a pain in her ass but she cared about her. But they still had jobs to do. As she sat there with a wave of guilt washing over her, Stacie rubbed her hands up and down Aubrey’s arms.

“Now see it from Chloe’s point of view. She’s scared as hell. The truth is we don’t know how dangerous this could get and it’s escalating so fast. Everybody is flying blind on this thing and her wife, is caught up in the middle of it.”

Aubrey dropped her head against Stacie’s chest, breathing deeply. It wasn’t often Aubrey hated her job, but in this very moment she despised it.

“What am I gonna do Stace? If anything happens to Beca, Chloe…..,” Aubrey couldn’t finish her sentence. She couldn’t bear to think of all the potential outcomes. Couldn’t bear the thought of potentially losing her best friend. Stacie sighed as she stroked blonde hair.

“We hope like hell that everything works out. That’s all we can do.”

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

Half an hour later, Chloe returned inside to find that the tv screens had been split. While some were still streaming constant news feeds, the two largest screens in the room were showing a live stream feed of body cams that were being worn by members of the agencies special task force.

As she slowly made her way towards her desk, Chloe’s heart stopped cold when through the crackling noise of gun fire, she heard a familiar voice speaking over radio to another agent.

 Beca.

She found herself stopping at her wife’s desk, it being the one that was facing towards the tv’s and she sat down, blue eyes focused on the screen. They were in some sort of multi storey parking garage which looked like it had already been damaged from explosions. From somewhere in the room she could hear other agents talking about what they had seen.

“Damn I heard they already cleared the first two floors, took out 15 guys already. Mitchell is a machine.”

Chloe laid a hand down on the desk and she bristled when she felt something odd pressing against her palm. She glanced down and found a folded sheet of white paper sitting on her wife’s desk. Lifting her hand, she picked it up and as she did, she heard the thud of something metal hitting the surface of the desk.

She looked down, and staring back at her, was a ring. Beca’s wedding band. She picked it up and held it between her thumb and pointer finger as she regarded it for a moment, before focusing her attention back on the note as she flipped it open. There, in her wife’s messy scrawl, a message penned to her.

‘Not gonna make lunch. But can you do me a favour and hold this till I get back? Love you, B x’

It was Beca’s innocuous way of downplaying the gravity of the situation. Letting Chloe know that no matter what happened, her intention was to make it home. Just as she had finished reading the note, the sound of an explosion cut through the feed as the screens went blank.

There was an audible gasp in the room, and Chloe’s eyes stared blankly at the black screen, the only contrast being the text across the middle of it that simply read ‘signal lost’

Standing up, she braced herself against Beca’s desk as she felt her knees wobble. She glanced across the room and at the top of the steps near the bull pen, she spotted Gail, Stacie and Aubrey, the blonde standing with one arm across her midsection, the other pressed against her chest.

A tear slipped down Chloe’s cheek as she pointed to the screen, eyes glaring back and forth between Aubrey and Gail.

“If anything has happened to her, I will never forgive you for this!” Chloe bellowed as she stormed out of the room.

Down in the bull pen, the rest of her team glanced around, not knowing what to do. Two of their team members were out in the field and there was no way of communicating with them. One was in complete and utter turmoil at the situation that was unfolding.

Unable to take the tension, Jesse stood up and bolted out of the office after Chloe. He felt like there was nothing he could do in there, but at the very least, he could be a friend to a friend in need. Running around the office, he eventually found the redhead, isolating alone in an otherwise unoccupied meeting room, sat on the floor, knees pulled tight to her chest and he slipped inside.

Walking over, he took a seat next to her and Chloe wiped at her falling tears.

“I can’t lose her Jesse, I can’t,” She cried as she gazed up at him and his heart broke for her as he wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders and pulled her in tight.

“You’re not gonna lose her. She’s too stubborn to go anywhere. She didn’t come all this way to find the love of her life to give up that easily,” he mumbled, his cheek resting against the top of her head, and Chloe snuggled in tight. Needing to feel the weight of arms around her to ground her.

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

“Somebody get a damn signal up on that screen now! I need a location Amy!”

Aubrey shouted out orders all around the office, her brain going into overdrive as the blonde hacker began tapping away at her laptop trying to figure out if she could pull up a signal. Aubrey needed to pinpoint where here agents were. They needed help and damn it if she lost her job doing it than so be it.

Just then, the crackling sound of a radio coming to life brought a silence over the room.

“Base, we’ve got a confirmed kill on the target. Mission complete,” came Chicago’s voice.

As if a black cloud had been lifted over Washington, news reports began to filter in that the insurrectionists had been put on the back-foot and were retreating. Cameras showed Military troops making arrests while out on the street other suspects lay dead.

A cheer erupted around the office at the news, agents high fiving and hugging, Aubrey emitting a sigh of relief, hands clasped over her mouth as she drew in a deep breath when the voice of the biggest pain in her ass came through the radio and she had never been more happy to hear it in her life.

“Bout damn time,” Beca said, though Aubrey could tell from her tone that she was in pain.

“I’ve got a location, I’m dropping a pin,” Amy said as she shot off the co-ordinates to her teams cellphones.

At that moment Aubrey glanced up to see Chloe and Jesse just at the edge of the office having overheard everything, and she watched as they high tailed it out of there, set on getting to Beca and Chicago.

 ****Behind Frenemy Lines****

 “Ughhhh,” Beca groaned as Chicago applied pressure to her lower abdomen, trying to stem the flow of blood pouring from Beca’s open wound, a lump of metal from an explosion having embedded its way past her vest with the sheer force and speed of the projectile. This was not how she foreshadowed her day going.

 “Dude I should’ve been at my desk eating taco’s,” Beca whimpered and Chicago cocked his head and looked at her.

 “Really? You’re literally bleeding from you gut and all you can think about is food?” he said, exasperated by Beca’s train of thought. And Beca looked at him through gritted teeth, nostrils flared as she tried breathing through her nose.

 “Hey! Tacos are life…. and I missed lunch,” she cried as another wave of pain shot through her.

 As if sensing her immediate distress, a team of military paramedics arrived on scene, instantly relieving Chicago of his duties. He watched as they assessed the situation, wrapping bandaging around the embedded metal rather than attempting to pull it out and dosing his colleague with pain relief as she was situated on a stretcher and carried out of the building.

Once outside, Chicago was handed Beca’s rifle and he instantly offloaded their equipment to his special task unit, making his way towards one of the waiting choppers. Taking one last look around the city limits he shook his head at the damage and then climbed inside, signalling for the pilot to take off and take him back to Quantico.

****Behind Frenemy Lines****

By the time Beca was seen to at the hospital, Chloe and Jesse had managed to navigate their way through the chaos in the city and speak with a doctor. Chloe was instantly overwhelmed with relief to find out her wife was, for the most part, okay.

“Luckily there was no internal bleeding, but she’s gonna be pretty sore for a while,” the doctor explained as he walked Chloe down to her wife’s room and gestured inside for her to go ahead once they arrived.

She immediately stepped into the room and burst into tears when she saw Beca sitting up propped up against the pillows, awake and alive, hand resting over her heavily bandaged abdomen where she had been wounded. The brunette grimaced as her eyes finally landed on Chloe’s presence.

“Please don’t be made at me. I was just doing my job,” Beca pleaded and Chloe shook her head as she took a seat on the edge of the bed and gripped Beca by the hand, shaking her head.

“I’m not mad. But….God you scared the hell out of me,” Chloe cried, wiping at the tears that were falling again as she looked at her bed ridden wife. Beca squeezed her hand and tried to sit up, but she was instantly reminded that moving wasn’t much fun at that moment.

 “Chlo, hey, I’m okay,” Beca whispered, reaching up her other hand to cup Chloe’s cheek, “besides I couldn’t leave without my ring, it cost me a fortune,” she stated eyes wide. Chloe scoffed.

 “You’re such an ass,” she laughed through her tears, but after the day they’d had, she would take Beca’s smart comments over nothing at all any day and Beca grinned at her.

 “I know, but I’m your ass remember? You put it in your vows,” Beca recalled fondly.

At this Chloe reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring Beca had left on her desk. Taking a hold of her wife’s hand she began sliding it back into its rightful place.

“For better or worse, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life,” Chloe whispered, pressing a kiss to it once it was back where it belonged. Beca squeezed her hand and smiled at her.

“I love you,” Beca said and Chloe leaned in and kissed her, nuzzling their noses together.

“I love you too.”

****Behind Frenemy Line****

Two days later, Chloe returned to the Bureau offices, the place void of the frantic energy that had consumed it the last time she had stepped foot in the place.

As she walked into the bull pen, she noticed a bouquet of flowers perched on Beca’s desk, a teddy bear that had been wrapped in bandages sitting next to them with an envelope containing Beca’s name scrawled across the front.

“Hey,” Theo called out a half grin on his face, gaining the attention of the others in the room, “how’s the patient?” He asked, as everyone downed tools to give her their full attention. Chloe smiled as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She’s good. Sore but, nothing permanent thank God. Thanks for all of this,” she said gesturing to the gifts on her wife’s desk, “she’ll love them.”

Before they could ask any further questions, Aubrey stepped out of her office and made her way towards the steps, stopping in her stride when she noticed the redhead.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said and a wave of silence fell over the room as Chloe gazed at her. The blonde gestured with her thumb back towards her office, “can we talk?” she asked, her tone hopeful.

Chloe simply nodded her head and began making the trek across the bull pen and up the steps, following Aubrey into her office.

Everyone watched as the two women disappeared behind the door, eyes darting all around the room as they all pondered the potential fallout of what was to come.

****Behind Frenemy Lines****

As Aubrey closed the door she stepped around Chloe and went to stand behind her desk. She gestured for Chloe to take a seat but the redhead simply shook her head, arms crossed over her chest.

But it wasn’t in a manner of defiance or authority, it was more done to create a barrier of protection and comfort. Aubrey could read that much and it saddened her to think Chloe felt she needed to do that around her. She cleared her throat to rid of the emotional wave that was lingering there and finally spoke.

“How’s Beca?” She asked, hands fidgeting with the edge of her desk, “I tried calling but you didn’t answer.” Chloe nodded her head and gazed down at her feet.

“She’s fine, for the most past. They’re gonna keep her in one more night. She’ll be released tomorrow but she’ll be out of action for a couple weeks till she heals.”

Chloe’s tone dared Aubrey to ask when she would be back at work but it was the furthest thing from the blondes mind. She was just so relieved that Beca was okay.

“Chlo I’m so sorry. I was given orders and I…” before she could finish Chloe jumped in.

“You know I’m not even mad about the orders, or the sense of duty or whatever you wanna call it,” she said shifting the weight of her stance from one hip to the other “it’s the fact that you stood in this office and admitted that you wouldn’t have followed orders if it was Stacie.”

Aubrey nodded at this and looked down at her desk, trying to hold back the tears that were building behind her eyes trying to force their way to the surface.

“That her life would be worth protecting but Beca? She was a means for you to complete your mission. Her and Chicago,” Chloe said.

“I don’t understand how you can lead a team knowing that when it comes down to it, there are certain people you will protect at all costs while others are merely a means to an end.”

Aubrey gazed up at Chloe, her eyes now red and swimming in tears.

“That’s not fair. You know I care about Beca, she’s my friend. You are my best friend,” Aubrey whimpered and Chloe shook her head gazing up at the ceiling to stem her own tears.

“And maybe that’s the problem. Maybe the personal relationships in this team are too close to be objective,” Chloe theorised and Aubrey’s brow furrowed at this.

“What are you saying?” Aubrey asked and Chloe bit down on her bottom lip as she thought about her words before speaking.

“I can’t be your best friend and Beca’s wife and a member of this team. I can’t force myself to switch my feelings on and off like you can.”

Looking down, Chloe swallowed thickly before unclipping her agency badge from her belt and her gun from her hip.

“Consider this my notice. Effective immediately. I’m stepping down from the team,” Chloe said as she stepped forward, placing her credentials and her weapon on Aubrey’s desk. The blonde shaking her head.

“Chloe no, you love this job,” Aubrey said gazing into her friends eyes, pleading with her to change her mind. Chloe just nodded.

“I do, I do love it, but I love Beca more and after everything that’s happened I realised that I can’t just switch that off for a job. I can’t pretend not to care or push my emotions down out of a sense of duty when her life’s in danger. I can’t do it.”

Chloe wiped away a tear that had slipped down her cheek.

“It’s not fair to Beca and it’s not fair to the team. It was easier to compartmentalise before because I didn’t have anything I cared about that much to interfere with my work but now….” Chloe trailed off searching for the words.

“If the choice is between Beca and my job? Then to me there is no choice cause she’s my life. I could lose everything, but I can’t lose her.”

Aubrey tipped her head at this, though she couldn’t help feeling like her friendship has being sidelined. Was she part of the everything Chloe could bear losing? But she knew now wasn’t the time to ask such questions.

“What are you gonna do?” Aubrey asked, her own arms now crossing over her chest trying to self comfort. Chloe continued wiping at the tears under her eyes.

“I talked to Gail. I’m not quitting the Bureau completely. She’s lined up a job for me training new agents in behavioural analysis with an emphasis on recruiting for the department. But, my time as a field agent is done.”

With that Chloe turned and made her way to the door, opening it and taking a step outside.

“Chlo,” Aubrey called out, stopping her in her tracks, “I really am sorry.”

Chloe nodded, gazing back over her shoulder.

“I know.”

With that, she exited the office, closing the door behind her. Aubrey collapsed into her chair, Chloe’s gun and badge staring up at her from the desk and Aubrey dropped her head into her hands. Realising it was the closing of a chapter Aubrey wasn’t ready to close.

Down in the bull pen, Chloe walked over to Beca’s desk and collected the items that had been left there for her, gathering them up in her arms.

“Thanks guys, I’ll see you later,” Chloe said, her voice wavering as she spoke and she waved before making her way out of the bull pen.

Her colleagues bid her goodbye but the vibe around the office changed. There was something in the air. Something that told them there was more to Chloe’s goodbye than simply ‘see ye later.’

It felt very much like the end of an era, and they didn’t realise how close to the truth that really was.

****The End****

[beauty-and-passion]

A (not so) brief post about my favourite Sanders Sides ships

It all started with this ask:

I just wanted to write a short answer, I swear. Just a short answer with a tiny little explanation about why I like these ships in particular.

But then I got a bit carried away, my explanations became longer and so here I am, writing a full post.

One small clarification before starting: ships don’t have a place in my analyses. If I talk about connections between Sides, these connections are always in terms of friendships, cooperation or familial relationships. The romantic aspect is something different and I may joke about it sometimes, but it’s just a joke.

There is a time and space for romantic relationships - and it looks like that time has come. 

______________________________

Janus and Patton

I've always liked the canonical ship, in (almost) every fandom. So of course I like the canonical ship of this fandom as well :P

Jokes aside, this ship is incredibly mature, very interesting and terribly hard to talk about. The nature of these two characters, their roles and the episodes that had them involved proved how these two speak the same language, work in the same field and, ultimately, need each other.

* More similar that we think

If we look at them on a superficial level, Janus and Patton are completely opposites: one is cynical and cold, the other is a ball of sunshine. One is dark and suave, the other is goofy and bright. Janus' moral is "step on others and only care about yourself", Patton's moral is "help others because they are more important than you".

These differences became clearer over time, the more we learned about Janus and compared him with Patton. However, along these differences, some similarities started to emerge. Some qualities.

Janus and Patton want what's good for Thomas. They are humble enough to recognize their mistakes (the latest example was POF). They have a strong empathy. They’re kind. They’re mature adults (even if Patton doesn’t show it too often). And they both love and use puns.

But that’s not all. Along with these qualities, we found out that these two have similar flaws: they are both liars. They are incredibly persuasive to the point of manipulation. They have a huge influence over the mind (and the other Sides). They both deal with denial.

And this isn't just important, but it's a fundamental point for their character growth. Why? Because if they have similar flaws, if they are both liars and manipulators, then they cannot deceive each other.

And this is HUGE, especially for Patton! By his own admission, Patton lied multiple times, especially about his feelings (the Nostalgia episodes) and his thoughts (the most recent wedding/callback saga).

He always got away with it, because he was lying to other Sides and Thomas. But what would the point be, to lie to the literal embodiment of lies? Janus already knows what of his words are lies and what not, so it would be absolutely useless to do it.

Therefore, if Patton cannot lie to Janus, he cannot pretend everything is alright when it's not or hide his thoughts on a certain topic. He cannot shift the attention somewhere else or let a conversation drop. That means Patton cannot avoid confrontation about his thoughts/feelings and oh boy if he really needs to talk about them - especially with someone mature like Janus.

And yes, having someone who is able to see past your lies means being a lot vulnerable... but also a lot freerer. With Janus, Patton won’t have to pretend to be the strongest one: he can allow himself to be weak and confused, because if he doesn’t have an answer or if the weight of decisions is too much to carry, he has Janus with whom he can share it.

* A foundation of mutual respect

This point has never been fully addressed, but it was very well implied by their words/behaviours since Janus’ first appearance.

The first proof we have is CLBG: after Deceit revealed himself and disappeared, all the Sides and Thomas went through various degrees of shock, frustration and anger. Patton, on the other hand, was the only one who showed a pretty calm demeanor.

He should've been the angriest, considering that Janus took HIS place and pretended to be HIM the whole time. And yet, not only Patton didn't show any resentment, but he didn't talk bad about Janus (even if he had all the reasons to) and he even justified the other Side’s actions to Thomas:

[Patton]: Kiddo, simply put, Deceit is an inner coach that acts with the one intention of self-preservation.

Patton could’ve said anything, to make Janus appear as the worst. And his words could've had a lot of influence on Thomas, considering they were coming from his heart.

However, Patton didn't say anything too bad about Janus - not even in the following episodes.

Then we reach POF: Patton's monologue about his morals went so dramatically bad, he turned into a giant frog with abs and Janus had to sweep in to save Thomas.

In that moment, he could've said ANYTHING to make Patton appear as the worst Side ever. He had his chance on a silver plate: Patton was wrong, he had been wrong the whole time, he was literally ready to fight Thomas.

And yet, Janus took Patton's defense:

[Deceit]: He didn't mislead you on purpose, Thomas. I don't think the little guy... or... the big frog is capable of that sort of thing.

In addition to that, let’s consider Janus' whole attitude towards Patton in SvS: he basically spent an entire episode trying to make Patton understand his point.

[Deceit]: You can defend him all you like... But you can't change the facts. Is Thomas an innocent little lamb? Let's let them be the judge of that.

Why did he insist so much on this? Why not tricking Patton like he did with Roman or ignoring him like he did with Logan?

Because Janus knows how important Patton's role is and his whole behaviour shows respect towards the other Side. Unlike the others, who tend to diminish/forget Patton’s importance, Janus never did and always tried to reach him in the most honest, difficult way: through dialogue and confrontation.

And when he failed, instead of disregarding Patton’s importance, he just kept trying again, until his message finally reached the other Side.

* The perfect working partner

POF proved Patton can't bear the weight of the decision-making process all by himself. He needs another Side who can help him and Janus perfectly fills this role.

But why Janus? Why not Logan? Logan is a very mature Side, he can deal with a lot of stress, he's extremely organized and knows a lot. Surely he can help Patton with the decision-making process, right?

Not exactly. For his own admission, morals and ethics are not Logan's area of expertise (as it should be: logic can’t be influenced by what’s considered “good” or “bad”: logic is neutral). Secondly, Logic isn't an emotional-driven Side: logic is way less affected by emotions than other Sides - especially compared to Patton, who is the embodiment of emotions.

What Patton needs is a mature Side with a grey mentality, humble enough to respect him/not diminish his role, from his same area of expertise and enough emotional-driven to connect with him on an emotional/empathetic level.

And Janus is the only one who fills all those points. Even the latter, as we saw in the last part of POF:

[Patton]: Janus... Do you think there's a limit... on how many times someone can say sorry... before you have to admit... that they're just bad for you? [Janus]: Oh, definitely not. I'd love for someone to ruin Thomas' entire life one apology at a time. [Patton]: Okay. [Janus]: (After seeing Patton's reaction)The reality is that... it depends.

Janus' answer changed, the moment he realized Patton didn't get his sarcasm, by switching from ironic to honest. This is the kind of emotional connection Patton needs, something that doesn’t require words, but a small gesture that says more than a thousand words (yes, I’m also talking about that gaze and the small nod in the end card).

If we add to all of that the detail that Janus can nullify Patton's excuses and see past his lies, we have the perfect partner to help him grow up.

But this cooperation isn’t just one-sided: Janus needs Patton just as much as Patton needs him.

Why? First of all, to have a seat at the table. After years hiding, Janus can finally talk to Thomas, introduce his cynical mentality, make Thomas a little more selfish and help him grow up.

Secondly, by cooperating with Patton, Janus will become a better Side: he will learn to compromise, to work together and, most importantly, to trust Patton. And this is a particularly important point because, as I said in my analysis of POF, Janus isn’t used to trust others and he doesn’t want them to see past his barriers. Working with Patton might be exactly what he needs to trust the other Sides and lower these barriers, even a tiny bit.

* The romantic possibility

Considering all of the above points, the idea that their cooperation could evolve into something romantic-driven isn't so strange. The elements are all here, there's nothing weird to add nor need to bend canon, in order to make the ship happen. Their mutual acceptance can easily become need, learning more about each other can easily evolve into desiring each other and friendship could grow into passion.

And, of course, let's not forget marriage. These two can only end up in marriage. I mean, one is a dad, the other is a mom witch, so they are a perfect match XD

My point is: this ship isn't just a “cute couple being cute”. It's about dialogues. Conversations about themselves, their different points of view, their morals, their cooperation, how to help Thomas and the other Sides. It's based on listening to each other, on knowing each other a little more every day. On being silly together, working and failing together, going down and getting up, because there is someone by your side to lend a helping hand.

This is what makes Janus and Patton the most realistic, mature couple. And that's probably why it's so hard to perfectly nail it.

______________________________

Logan and Remus

Here it is, the couple that blew up after one episode and was confirmed in the most recent Aside.

But seriously, these two have a huge potential - first as friends/working partners, then as romantic partners. Logan and Remus need each other and the reasons are pretty clear:

- Having an interlocutor

Remus is Unleashed Creativity, a volcano of ideas in constant need of new stimuli, no matter if they are considered good or bad. After all "good and bad are all made up nonsense", as he said.

Logan is a walking encyclopedia in search of someone who wants to listen to him. He's pure, undiluted knowledge because that's what logic should be. No morals about what's good and what's bad, no emotions, nothing but neutral knowledge.

Considering that, it’s pretty clear these two have to come into contact. But what would they gain?

Well, Remus would have the stimuli he desperately craves. And Logan?

Logan would gain an incredibly smart interlocutor. And I’m not saying it because I am biased towards Remus, but because the canonical episodes showed us how smart he is. In both DWIT and WTIT Remus proved to be a quick thinker, with a sharp intellect and an even sharper eye. He's silly and over the top, but he's not an idiot and he uses everything he has for his own creative needs, no matter how small it is.

Just imagine this cleverness applied to everything Logan might say to him. Remus wouldn’t be the only one to benefit from it, but the whole creative process and, ultimately, Thomas himself, who will have better, richer ideas.

- Gaining a place

At this moment in time (just after WTIT) Remus has not been fully accepted yet. He is tolerated and his presence is a nuisance, but he’s neither wanted, nor banished. He’s just here and he has no voice on any matter.

Also because no one wants to give him a chance to prove how useful and worthy he can be. Thomas barely tolerates him, Patton does his best to ignore him, Roman doesn’t even want to see him and Virgil would rather not have any of the Others present.

The only Core Side who accepts Remus’ presence and is willing to give him a chance is Logan. He spent the entire DWIT to explain why Remus is useful for Thomas and shouldn’t be ignored, while in WTIT, he said: "There will be a time and place for you" - thus implying that, one day, Remus will finally be able to show how worthy he can be.

This is exactly what Remus needs: a Core Side who doesn’t see him as a nuisance or a villain, but as a fundamental part of Thomas that can be helpful, in his own way. Someone willing to give him a seat at the table (at least in the future). And, most importantly, someone who is powerful enough to control him.

Remus is and will always be a force of nature. He will never rest or stop being chaotic. This is why he needs someone strong by his side, someone who can’t be overcomed by his dark thoughts and that can put him back on track if necessary. And Logan proved to be perfect for this role not once, but twice.

- Understanding on a deeper level

However this cooperation won’t be beneficial just for Remus. As I said before, Remus could be a clever interlocutor for Logan. And this cleverness isn’t just related to creativity, but also to emotional understanding.

The Core Sides have known Logan for almost thirty years and yet, they have no idea of the inner turmoil raging inside him. They keep ignoring and dismissing him, clearly thinking everything is fine.

It took Remus one single day to realize what Logan’s problem is, how deeply frustrated he is and how much he’s actually angry at Thomas. Less than 24 hours and Remus knows Logan better than his long time friends.

That’s exactly what Logan needs. Someone sharp enough to notice his behaviour, find out the root of the problem and make Logan face it, instead of dismissing it because who cares (yes, Roman, I am talking about you and your “You'll be fine, Rome didn't fall in a day.”)

- The romantic possibility

I think almost all the fandom agrees that these two would have a great sex life. After all, Remus is the embodiment of Thomas' sexual urges, so he would definitely go for a very physical relationship.

But having a good sex life implies a lot of other great things: good chemistry, no comunication issues, great stability and greater trust. And, even more important, the desire to try new things together. Logan and Remus are both very curious Sides, they both want to know new things and experience them: so their relationship would probably be based on discussing new ideas, testing them and finding out together if they are good or not.

And this doesn't apply to just the sexual aspect: even just the romantic aspect or the working aspect of their relationship could have these characteristics. Logan and Remus can motivate each other, learn from one another and find new things together. They are clever enough to stimulate each other's mind, curious enough to do stuff together to learn something new and honest enough to not withdraw their opinions on any matter.

______________________________

Roman and Virgil

I am just recently starting to warm up to this couple, so I will keep this part short.

Just as it was for the previous two couples, these two can work together because canon made them work. The first part of their whole relationship is already all canonically established: at first Roman saw Virgil as a villain, then he slowly realized he could be a friend. Now moving from friends to lovers isn’t so difficult.

^ No need to demonstrate

Roman needs someone like Virgil, because Virgil is on his same level. Sure, Virgil’s mentality is way more gray-ish, but he still has a lot to learn, just like Roman.

Having someone on his side, who is on his same level is a huge relief: with Virgil, Roman doesn't have to pretend, nor to show off, nor to be dashing and perfect all the time. He knows Virgil won't care less, so he can relax. And for someone who is used to working all the time, having a moment of quiet with someone who has zero espectations is exactly what Roman needs.

Same goes for Virgil: he knows Roman won't care if he's gloomy and dark, because Roman already saw that side of him and appreciates him anyway. So no need to pretend to be different. He can relax too. And, because of his anxious nature, relaxing is exactly what he also needs.

So if they both need to relax, that implies they also need time to do it. And without expectations, without feeling like the other “is better than me and I’m slowing him down”, they can really take all the time they need, to grow at their own pace.

^ Growing together

Virgil and Roman’s is not a one-sided relationship, in which one knows more than the other and helps the other reach his level: since they are on the same level, if one of them learns something new, then it’s a victory for them both, because the other will be motivated to do more/learn more as well.

This isn’t just something I think, but something we saw in canon. During AA-part 2, Roman clearly stated that Virgil “make us... better”, thus implying that Virgil acted as a motivator for him.

Then we had FWSA and here we saw this sentence applied the other way around: Roman was the motivator and, thanks to him, Virgil overcame his own anxiety to push Thomas towards Nico. The final result was a victory for them both: Roman got the romance he’s desperately craving, Virgil found out a new aspect of himself: his bravery.

^ The romantic possibility

These two are a walking “enemies to friends to lovers” trope, so I don’t think there’s anything else to add XD

Only that they would both be quite passionate. One is Thomas’ romantic side, the other is heavily influenced by emotions: if the good one takes Virgil, he would probably be a very passionate partner.

______________________________

Two couples I understand

Janus and Remus -> I understand the appeal of this one and it would kinda make sense, especially from Remus’ point of view. Remus has (probably) sexual fantasies about anything, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he has a whole collection of sexual fantasies about the Side who is closest to him.

But also, I see them too much like father and son/bestest friends to imagine them having a romantic relationship.

So my take is more like that: Remus has sexual fantasies about Janus, just like he has sexual fantasies about anyone. They are his way to show his affection, how much he cares about Janus and wants to protect him.

But Remus is Remus and he's prone to lose control. That's why, since he reached adolescence and started to develop the sexual aspect, Janus put clear limits that give Remus enough space to express his fantasies, but never past a certain point.

So Remus can be very touchy (because, well, he's Remus) and extremely physical in showing his affections, but never go below a certain point. He can talk in full details about all his sexual fantasies to Janus, but never try to sexually force him. He can try to seduce him or propose sexual things, but never pretend he will accept.

And so, over time, it became a sort of internal joke between them: Remus tells his fantasies at the breakfast table, while Janus rolls his eyes with a "very interesting", they have a laugh, they keep going with their day. Remus wants to cuddle, Janus will cuddle. Remus proposes sex, Janus will just laugh and give him a forehead kiss.

In other words, they are the kind of friends who you can find sprawled on a couch, one on top of the other and imagine they're a couple, while that's just how they read a book together.

Logan and Roman -> This couple isn’t bad at all and I really like the idea of these two having a sorta-romantic crush on each other. It can lead to a lot of poetic/romantic possibilities.

The only problem is: Logan is logic, therefore he would destroy all the romance with one sentence XD and the romantic, poetic scene evoked would turn into these two arguing like madmen.

So, well, maybe the hate-sex would be great, but they would definitely spend too much time arguing. Still, I am very curious about it, so I will keep searching for stuff about them.

[spacedikut]

starstruck ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary:  “Can I request some age gap Spencer x reader. Maybe he’s nervous about approaching her for a relationship bc she’s younger, but he’s so goofy for her it’s he’s in love obvious. Pretty pls 🥺💕” 5222 words

a/n: i didn’t specify ages cause i wasn’t sure what people would be comfortable with so i just mentioned an age gap and leave the rest up to you!! i would happily date someone twice my age but i also have daddy issues so :)

masterlist

The day has finally arrived.

Mollie can call you a nerd all she wants, but you know the second she lays eyes on Derek Morgan or Emily Prentiss she’ll change her tune.

This event has been in the university’s calendar since the beginning of the semester. At least two members of the FBI Behavioural Analysis Unit were promised to give a talk about their department, even taking you through a solved case like an interactive documentary, to encourage students to consider joining the academy post-graduation. There was whispers they’d even stick around after to answer some questions.

Your other friend, Jen, the one that understands your excitement, wrote your names down for tickets immediately. You’ve had a countdown on your phone ever since.

“They’ve announced a last-minute guest,” She beams, just as giddy as you. You’re wasting time at the coffee house near the auditorium, waiting for Mollie to arrive.

“Oh, really? Who?”

“Doctor Spencer Reid.”

You almost drop your cookie in shock and stare at her, pupils blown.

“You’re a big fan?” She smirks.

As nonchalantly as you can, you lean back in your chair, “I’m a fan of his work, yes.”

“Oh, his work?”

“Don’t start.”

“I bet you love his work.”

“He’s well-versed and his papers are super interesting-“

“His papers are super interesting-“

“You are a child.”

Just then, Mollie appears, checking her watch. You wish you could kiss her in thanks for saving you from the teasing that would likely never end. “We’re gonna be late for your morbid seminar if you two don’t stop bickering.”

Jen downs the rest of her drink, you shove the last of the cookie in your mouth. Mollie watches your excitement in amusement – your heart starts pumping, whole body buzzing, the same nervousness you felt when you were a preteen right before your first ever One Direction concert. It’s the kind of nervousness that makes your palms sweaty.

Is it evolution or devolution to go from sweating over One Direction to sweating over FBI profilers?

+++

The seminar goes on for an hour, including the questions people ask throughout. It’s everything you could’ve asked for, entertaining and so, so informative and although you weren’t considering joining the FBI before, suddenly it’s all you can think about. Guest speakers have that affect, don’t they? They make you wonder if you should drastically change everything you’ve been planning.

Even Mollie, who you had to threaten to tag along, ended up enjoying herself. “Maybe I learnt a thing or two,” She’d said, rolling her eyes playfully.

You and your friends are some of the last to leave. There’s quite the bustling outside, which you assume is just post-seminar chatter, but you and Jen falter in your steps when you see the exact profilers that had been onstage several minutes ago in front of you, happily interacting and talking to fellow students.

“Oh, man,” Jen whispers, her and Mollie making eye contact across you. “I have to see if I can talk to Emily.”

Mollie encourages her with a frantic, “Go! Go!” while you’re rooted in place. Mollie jabs you with a pointed nail, “You in there, Y/N? I’m sure you have loads of questions for them-“

You stutter and shake your head, “N-no. I’m good. You can try and hit on Derek, if you want.”

You give a half-attempt at a smile, barely lifting the corners of your lips. Mollie recognises that look. She wants to stay with you, check you’re not too overwhelmed, but you shoo her away and send her towards Derek. You breathe a sigh of relief – you’ve been friends with her long enough that she knows when you need space.

There’s something about seeing people you admire so abruptly that totally throws you for a loop. All you had prepared for was seeing them from afar and subsequently talking about it forever, but nothing beyond that. In some circumstances, it’d be a pleasant surprise, but for someone that struggles around strangers and especially around people as admirable as profilers, you are not mentally prepared for this and have therefore shut down.

But then you see him.

He’s shuffling in place in the corner of the room, close to a large potted plant like it’s his only friend. He’s nibbling his lip as his eyes flutter around, never staying somewhere for longer than a second, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

Why is no one talking to him? He’s Spencer Reid.

There’s a couple of people surrounding Emily, fully entranced by whatever story she’s relaying, another few people around Derek, chortling at a joke he just made. Spencer glances between them and their audiences, and you can’t help but wonder why he isn’t right next to them, chatting away, too.

Does he not want to talk to anyone?

You should talk to him.

No. He probably wants to be alone.

Or what if he doesn’t and no one else is talking to him which means you can have a one-on-one conversation? What about that?

Are you insane?

…

You have to talk to him.

Before you can change your mind, you’re approaching him with a tight grip on the handle of your bag, pushing it higher up your shoulder. He spots you and makes eye contact just as you stop in front of him, and you notice he momentarily tightens his grip on his satchel.

Was this a bad idea?

“Hi,” You breathe, “I’m Y/N. A big fan.”

His eyes widen a fraction, which you don’t understand because why else would you be here, but he smiles nonetheless, “Hi, I’m, uh, Spencer Reid.”

“I know.”

“Yes, you know. That makes sense, because you were in the seminar. I saw you.”

Now you’re shocked. For as long as you can remember you never sit in the centre of a room, where most attention seems to go, so how did he-

“I-I always scan the room I’m in its.. it’s not a creepy thing, I swear. I’m not creepy.”

A laugh escapes you at that, making him visibly relax. “I don’t think you’re creepy. There was just.. a lot of people in there, so I’m surprised you remember my face.” You shrug.

I couldn’t forget such a beautiful face.

You don’t know what happens, but Spencer suddenly tenses up. His back straightens and he looks alarm, stiff.

Did he just think that? What.. why did he think that?

You wonder if you’ve said something wrong, so you try to change the topic.

“I-I have a question, if you don’t mind answering.”

Spencer nods with an of course, and when the question rolls off your tongue, his mind is still reeling from subconsciously calling you beautiful in his head. It’s not untrue, but it feels.. inappropriate. He doesn’t know why. But you are beautiful.

As he scans your face, now much closer than in the auditorium, he realises yeah, you are incredibly beautiful.

You wave a hand in front of his face, “Doctor Reid?”

“Sorry, yes, sorry. What are you studying?”

There’s a light in your eyes that Spencer recognises when you say, “Psychology.”

“Thought so.”

“You probably talk to a lot of psychology students. I-um. I almost went to Caltech,” Spencer raises an eyebrow, "After I read your dissertation, it really inspired me to look into it – your dissertation is incredible, by the way.”

Spencer smiles bashfully, a futile attempt to not allow the grin to overtake his face, and thanks you, “I appreciate it. Actually, I was sixteen when I wrote it.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Your eyes widen, “You’re insane! You’re amazing!”

The praise bursts from you, and his blushing face makes you oddly proud. On the other hand, Spencer feels like you’ve set him alight, his blood pumping loudly in his ears, as he’s unable to tear his eyes away from your smile.

He desperately needs to change the topic.

“To answer your question…”

Derek notices you two interacting across the room. Mollie sees him looking and hums, “Oh, that’s Y/N, my best friend. She really likes Spencer.”

Derek raises an eyebrow, “Looks like he really likes her.”

“Don’t tell her that. She’ll collapse.”

They both watch you for a second, Spencer flailing his arms as he explains, you eagerly adding to his rambling, asking a question here and exclaiming some kind of encouragement there. It’s sweet, Derek thinks.

“Hey..” Mollie begins, a scheming look in her eye, “We’re planning to hang out in the campus bar later. It’s open to all and the drinks are cheap. If you and Emily happen to find yourselves looking for something to do and you drag Spencer along.. I’m sure Y/N would like it.”

“I like the way you think,” Derek says, “I’ll see what I can do.”

+++

“She’s getting hit on. Again.” You giggle, gesturing for Jen to turn around and witness Mollie get your drinks paid for by a random guy.

She’s always been a people person – it’s saved you hundreds on nights out.

All Jen does is glance over her shoulder, scoff, then turn her sceptical eyes to you.

“I saw you and Spencer Reid.” She says, twinkling eyes. She’s trying not to look smug.

“I almost proposed to him.” You joke, taking your drink from Mollie with a mumbled thanks.

“Oh, I bet you did,” She laughs, “You two looked sooo good together.”

“Alright,” You slide a shot to each girl, “I know you’re making fun of me, but I’m taking that compliment and cherishing it. Spencer Reid is cute, what of it?!”

You clink the shot glasses with your friends and down them, all wincing at the taste and giggling at Jen when she takes a gulp of her cocktail to wash away the taste of straight vodka.

“How did talking to Derek and Emily go?”

And then Jen starts chattering away.

You miss the bar door opening behind you, But Mollie notices. She’s been watching the door since they got here, conveniently choosing the table with the best view, just in case some profilers decided to stop by.

Derek catches Mollie’s eye and winks.

“Well I never,” Mollie fakes shock, “Look who just walked through the doors.”

You turn and choke on your drink. Emily and Derek look relax, like they’re home, but Spencer?

He looks just like he did earlier: like there’s a million places he’d rather be.

He’s lost the blazer he was wearing earlier, leaving him in a fitted purple shirt with a matching tie. With the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, you can see his firm hands and the silver watch that rests on his wrist – is it possible for a watch to be sexy? Or maybe it’s just cause he’s sexy?

That shot must be getting to you.

“What the hell are they doing here?” You hiss, a sharp whisper piercing the air as you turn and (terribly) try to hide your face.

But Spencer’s seen you. He spotted you the moment they came in – he recognised your clothes and your hair – and the second he did he turned right back around to exit the bar. Derek’s arm stopped him at his chest, like he does to unsubs, forcefully turning him around and laughing when Spencer tensed up.

“What, Reid? Scared of a pretty girl?” Derek teases, much like he’d been doing since he spoke to you earlier.

“I am scared of college girls, yes. Last time I was in a college bar I was twelve and downed shots of apple juice.”

“What?!” Both Emily and Derek stop short, looks of disbelief at the revelation. “You’ve never mentioned that.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

“We,” Derek places his hands on Spencer’s shoulders, directing him to your table, “Are just gonna have a few drinks and talk to a few people, and then you’re gonna explain that apple juice story in explicit detail- hey ladies!”

Jen and Mollie look overjoyed at the new company, while you stare rigidly with distinctive what the fuck eyes.

“Would you mind if we joined you?” Emily asks, with a sparkling grin that no one could say no to.

“Of course not,” Jen grins, like it’s the most obvious answer.

The empty seat next to you is taken by Spencer (Derek discreetly shoves him) but right before he’s firmly placed on the stool, Emily calls out, “Spence, why don’t you get us some drinks? You still owe us after you lost that game of gin..”

“I didn’t lose.” Spencer huffs indignantly, “You cheated.”

Despite his grunts, he stands to make his way to the bar, but not before-

“Y/N!” Mollie beams, “It’s your turn to get the round, if you’d be so kind.”

You know that look on her face. You hate her, you realise, but you also love her because being alone with Spencer sends a thrill through you.

Alone with Spencer. What the hell are you supposed to say to him?

You follow him to the bar. He leans against it with an awkward smile.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hey.”

“It’s uh.. it’s been a long time since we’ve seen eachother.” It’s a half attempt at a joke, followed by instant regret. But then you giggle and everything feels right in the world, even Spencer’s sucky joke.

“It has been a while, Doctor Reid.” You say. The bartender approaches, takes your orders, then you turn to Spencer, “What brings you to a college bar, of all places?”

“Well,” Spencer glances over your shoulder to your table. He makes eye contact with every single person there, all watching you two interact, and they all sharply turn and try to play it off like they’ve been talking casually. Spencer’s brows furrow a little. “Derek said the drinks are cheap and our hotel is only a couple blocks away. I don’t know, maybe Derek likes college girls.”

You laugh again, and Spencer has to take a second to realise you’re not laughing at him but at what he said about Derek. “Yeah, Derek seems like a real ladies man.”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” Spencer grins, “We once timed him to see how long it would take to get a girls number and he did it in five minutes. And he said he was having a bad day.”

The drinks are placed in front of you. Neither of you notice.

You unconsciously lean closer, saying, “Have you timed it to see how long it takes for a girl to approach him? That’s gotta be, like, maybe ten minutes?”

“Eight minutes and twenty-three seconds.”

“Well damn. Has he always been so…” A hand gestures in the air, looking for the word.

“Promiscuous?”

“I was gonna say free.”

“Free?” Spencer giggles, “That’s very nice of you.”

You shrug, “I don’t judge.” Spencer agrees, and it slips out, “What about you?”

You wish you could shove the words back in your mouth. Even more so when his expression changes. You can’t entirely make out what it is, but even in the dimly lit bar you can see the flush of heat that spreads through his cheeks to his ears.

“Are you asking me if I’m free with the ladies?” He murmurs, suppressing a grin.

You give an awkward laugh, wondering if you’ve overstepped a boundary, “Yeah. But that’s kinda weird to ask, so-“

“I’m so popular with the ladies it puts Derek to shame.”

You can’t hide your surprise. “What? Really?”

Spencer caves. “No. Is it that hard to believe I’m a ladies man?”

“Compared to Derek? Yes.”

Spencer scoffs.

+++

“As adorable as they are, it’s been thirty minutes.” Emily sighs. “I want my drink.”

“They’re bonding,” Jen sends a wistful look, “I’m so proud.”

“I’m guessing Y/N isn’t the most social either?” Derek asks, proudly watching you interact.

“She’s the best, just a little shy sometimes.” She smiles at you, even though you can’t see, “She’s an idiot, but our idiot, you know?”

Both Emily and Derek laugh airily, nodding with a, “Yeah, we know.”

At once, three phones vibrate throughout the bar – Emily, Derek and Spencer. They’re instantly filled with disappointment; Derek can’t watch Spencer attempt to flirt with a girl he’s obviously interested in, Emily still hasn’t got a drink, and Spencer has to leave you and he can’t think of anything worse.

He’s clearly hesitant when he looks at his phone. How does he say goodbye? Does he ask for your number? Would that be weird? That would be weird.

“Uhh…”

You channel every ounce of liquid courage you have in your body and offer, “Would it be weird if I gave you my number? Just.. for anything. Anything at all.”

Spencer nods, a gentle look in his eyes and a smile on his face, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

You mumble an alright, accepting Spencer’s phone and creating a new contact for yourself.

Please text me. You think. Please text me.

+++

He doesn’t text.

It’s been a week. A week. You know how cases are, some take longer than others and some are solved in literal hours, but it’s been a week, Spencer goddamn Reid, so why haven’t you texted me.

That’s when the doubt creeps in. Your friends keep telling you he’ll text, that he’s just busy (“He’s an FBI agent, Y/N. If you start dating you’re gonna have to get used to lapses in contact.” To which you’re too distracted choking at the mention of you two dating), but you can’t help but wonder if he took your number simply so he could leave quicker. He had a case to get to, after all. He had people to save.

Now you feel guilty. You forced your number on him, didn’t you? Oh God, he hates you. He hates you and you forced your number on him and he hasn’t texted you because he’s filing a restraining order against you because he hates you.

Mollie tells you you need a nap.

+++

Spencer spends the time on the jet back from the case staring at your number. He has it memorised, of course, and has had it memorised from the first time he read it, of course, but he can’t bring himself to do anything with it.

All he’s done is change your contact picture from the standard first letter of your name to a cute picture of a frog Garcia sent him. It reminds him of you.

Derek lowers his headphones, “You texted her yet, Pretty Boy?”

“Huh? Uh, no. I don’t think I will.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Spencer shrugs, locking his phone and placing it face down. “I don’t think anything would come from it.”

“Kid,” Derek leans forward, eyebrows furrowed, “You two talked for well over thirty minutes in the middle of a college bar about God knows what. Maybe I’m easy to impress, but that seemed pretty special to me.”

“How is talking in a college bar worth anything?”

“Because you’re Reid, who, most of the time, has to be physically dragged into a bar. You hate talking to strangers about anything other than work. Y/N? A stranger. What did you two talk about?”

“We talked about you a little.”

“Uhuh. About how good I am at my job?”

“God, no,” Spencer scrunches his nose, “We talked about your charm with the ladies.”

Derek falls back in his chair and scoffs, “I’m flattered, but that doesn’t sound like work-talk to me. So you’re comfortable with her. I saw you laughing, so she makes you laugh, too. Sounds pretty great to me.”

Spencer stares. Derek’s right, but..

“So what is it, Reid?”

Spencer licks his lips. “Do you think she’s too young for me?”

Derek rarely looks taken aback, but he does now, “Too young?”

“She’s in college. I’m-I’m-“

“A legal adult. As is she.”

Spencer slumps. “A 2014 Current Population Survey found the average difference for a heterosexual couple is two-point-three years, with the man older than the woman. Even if you double that, that’s still less than me and Y/N-“

“Four years isn’t a lot, Spence,”

“You just.. you don’t think it’s weird?”

“No. Do you?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

Derek’s conviction gives Spencer some reassurance, but he can’t help himself when he thinks that.. maybe.. you’ll find him boring. Most people seem to, with all his statistics and figures and facts, but with the added element of you living it up at college.. how could he compete?

“I think you’re worrying over nothing, Reid. You haven’t even texted her, and you’re already worrying about stuff like age gaps?” Derek crosses his hands and looks at Spencer with determination, “She gave you her number. She initiated it. She knows who you are, so she knows how old you are and it doesn’t seem to make her uncomfortable. So, why should it make you?”

Spencer just grunts.

“Are you worried people will say things?”

“I guess.”

“People always say things. You know that better than anyone. So screw ‘em.”

Spencer feels a smile creep onto his face.

And Derek relaxes. He’s planted the seeds, that Spencer is fretting over nothing, now all he’s got to do is wait for Spencer to let it sink in and allow the flowers to bloom and, next thing you know, Spencer’s gonna have himself the perfect girlfriend.

And Derek will take too much credit for it.

+++

“Heeeeeeeeey my precious Doctor…”

Garcia looks like her hand was caught in the cookie jar.

Spencer’s back straightens. “What did you do?”

She looks embarrassed, fiddling with the fluffy pen in her hand. She smiles awkwardly. “Derek may have told me about a pretty little college student that captured your heart, and then he told me you also haven’t texted her yet, so I did a little digging and…”

“You cyber-stalked Y/N?” Emily asks, casually. JJ seems unphased at the discussion. Does everyone in the office know about you?

“I did. I’m guilty. I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.” She’s speaking a mile a minute.

Emily spares Spencer a glance, “Did you find anything?”

“Well…”

Concern fills Spencer. “Did something happen?”

“I just found some stuff she’d probably only tell a close friend and I feel really bad about it.” Her shoulders are by her ears as she tries to fold in on herself out of guilt, “But other than that she’s a genuinely sweet girl who volunteers at pet shelters and the college library in her free time and we have really similar music tastes so I think we’d make great friends.”

They all look to Spencer, waiting for his reaction. What? Is he supposed to be surprised that you’re the epitome of perfect? He’s not. He studied you the entire time you spoke.

“She’s also written several incredible papers on child development that I think are revolutionary and I totally emailed them to you because I think you should read them. She’s also a genius.”

Spencer’s hand twitches. He ignores the sudden need to check his email.

It’s silent as they just stare at him. He doesn’t say anything and tries not to react, but he does. They notice how his eyes flicker to his phone, how his leg fidgets, the longing in his eyes.

Emily brushes her hair back calmly and asks, “Hey, Pen, when does Y/N work at the college library?”

Penelope doesn’t catch on at first, casually replying, “Oh, basically every day from five pm onwards. They’re a twenty-four hour library and she combines working and studying.” When she sees Emily pointedly look at Spencer, she goes ohhh.

“Good to know,” Emily nods, “Good to know.”

+++

Spencer finds himself at the college library that night.

He wants to say it was an accident, or that he just happens to know there’s a special edition of a specific book here, but he’d be lying. He read your papers between reports, and found himself having a deep appreciation for the way you write – he wants to ready everything you’ve ever written. Every essay, every note, every formal and informal piece of work you’ve ever done.

He’s already fallen in love with the way you write. He doesn’t think he’s far from falling in love with you.

He wanders around the lower floor of the library. It’s impressive, he must admit, and he’s disappointed in himself for not visiting earlier. There’s students everywhere, but he notices some other people mixed in too – professors, businesspeople, as well as parents with their children.

He feels a little less weird for creeping around now.

Not that’s he’s creeping. He’s just.. there. To see a certain someone under the guise of looking for a book.

He moseys for a while, from the fiction section to the non-fiction to comics to autobiographies. You’re nowhere to be found – not between the rows of books, not working on any of the desks, not at the centre reception desk.

Until you’re suddenly behind him.

“Spencer?”

He jumps, looking up from the book he’s reading. Your voice is as calming and smooth as always.

“Y/N. Hi.”

“Hi,” Your brows are furrowed, but you’re not disappointed by the unexpected visitor. “What are you doing here?”

He lifts the book he’s holding, an Arthur Conan Doyle, giving a light lipped smile. “I’m just looking. I didn’t realise the college library was so plentiful – did you know the oldest library in the world dates from the seventh century BC?”

“I do, actually.” You point to a poster behind him, which displays that exact fact, “I thought dotting facts around the library would be interesting for the kids. They seem to like them.”

“Learning in young children is socially mediated, so good quality learning environments outside of their schools is crucial for children’s development. So, in a way, you’re enriching their lives beyond understanding.”

You’re flattered at his somewhat far-fetched attempt at complimenting you. It makes your heart flutter.

Why didn’t you contact me, you dimwit?

You open your mouth to ask another question, ask if there’s something he needs help finding, when he beats you to it.

With a firm grip, he slams the book he’s reading shut and says, “I’m lying.”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t come here to.. look around. I came here to see you.”

“Oh.”

Spencer doesn’t know what to make of that. You haven’t awkwardly looked away, or stepped back to increase the distance between you. That means something good, right?

“You didn’t text me, so I assumed you weren’t interested.” Your brows twitch, and you back-pedal, “Unless you purposely didn’t text me because you actually weren’t interested and you might be here to see me but for something book-related rather than me-related and I’ve totally humiliated myself.”

“No, no. You’re right. You’re right.” He fiddles with the book in shame, “I should’ve texted you. I just didn’t know what to say and.. Well, it’s stupid.”

Your head jerks a little to the side, something he’s noticed you do a lot, looking patient and too pretty for him to handle. “I’m sure it’s not stupid.”

Spencer thinks back to his conversation with Derek, specifically the reminder that you gave him your number which means you initiated this so yes, you are interested in him.

It’s just.. when he looks at you, he struggles to believe it a little. You’re breath-taking.  

“I’m worried I’ll bore you.” He starts light, easing you into what’s been troubling him. He’s emboldened by the fact you’re clearly frustrated he didn’t text you.

You give him a look of horror, “The first time we met I told you I loved your dissertation on geographic regression. I definitely do not think you’re anything anywhere near boring.”

“Okay,” He nods, “What about our ages?”

You’re confused. “What about it?”

Spencer mirrors your expression. “It doesn’t.. bother you?”

“Does it.. bother you?”

Usually, answering a question with a question is a sign of deflection, a sign of hiding something. However he doesn’t know why, but Spencer trusts you with his life. Maybe not his life. Maybe his heart.

“Does that silence mean yes?”

He shakes his head, “No. It doesn’t bother me. I just worry that, you know, college years are the so-called best years of your life and I don’t want you to regret being with me, someone older than you, and resent me for it, or something-“

“I think you’re getting way in your head, Spence.” You laugh a little, “We haven’t gone on a single date and you’ve convinced yourself of so much already. For the record, no, your age doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It never has and I doubt it ever will. I think you’re the most fascinating and interesting person on this planet, and if anyone is getting bored with anyone I’m pretty confident it’ll be you getting sick of me. And,” You take a breath, “I think I’m old enough to know what I want, who I want, and what I want is you. If you want me, too.”

Spencer shoves the book back into the bookshelf with a satisfying sound, then turns and quickly places a kiss onto your cheek. It’s completely unexpected and, quite frankly, not something you’d expect from Doctor Reid, but you blush and there’s a definite red colour to Spencer’s cheeks, too.

“I will never, ever, get sick of you.” He says, voice small but firm. “But I don’t want you to regret being with me. Promise me you won’t.”

You give him a look that tells him you think he’s ridiculous. “I promise that I won’t regret being with you. I’d like us to last as long as possible, if I can be picky.”

“I’d like that, too.” He murmurs. The thought of you wanting him for as long as possible almost sends him into a frenzy. He wants to kiss you all over.

You stand close and talk quietly for a while, a little more discussion on a possible date that weekend and a constant stream of compliments from you to Spencer and vice versa, before you realise the time.

“I should probably go. I have a paper to finish.” You smile sadly, a tiny pout forming.

“I understand. Do you think I could read it? When you’re done?”

Your eyebrows shoot up, “Do you know how terrifying the idea of the Spencer Reid reading my work is? But yes, anything for you.”

Anything for you. Are you trying to kill him?

You turn to leave, refusing to admit how sad leaving Spencer makes you feel, when you stop, “One more thing.”

Spencer hums. He’s not fully paying attention, praying to whatever Gods exist that killers take a break on the weekend so he can take you out on the sweetest date.

“If age is a sore area for you,” There’s mirth in your eyes and Spencer prepares himself, “Does that mean the nickname old man is off the table?”

His lips purse and move towards his nose as he narrows his eyes, giving you a look of faux annoyance, “I am not an old man.”

“Sounds like you’re sensitive, old man.”

As you walk away, you jokingly blow him a kiss to add insult to injury. His pretend glare lasts until your back is turned and he feels his gaze softening to something akin to love.

Spencer thins if the rest of his life is this, you teasing him with that twinkle in your eye and smile on your face, then life is truly the most beautiful thing.

[greatteachergojou]

The burden of being the strongest

-> on why Gojo won’t be settling down and why he’s such a child

I’ve been seeing ppl commenting on Gojo being a player and all (based on the character infomations from the fanbook) and it prompted me to write a little brief character analysis on Gojo regarding this matter and also kinda trailed off to a topic that I’ve been meaning to talk about because I get the impression that Gojo is often only perceived as the goofy op madlad who is above everyone and everything - which is also true but there’s also more behind those prominent character traits of his.

!!! Beware of SPOILERS if you’re not caught up to the manga!!! (nothing too specific tho)

------------------------------

So... Gojo Satoru is a player. Gege Akutami has stated that he wears sunglasses when he meets up with them ladies (I think it was in some Q&A if I remember correctly) and in the fanbook he said he can’t picture Gojo being faithful to any specific woman. - Not too surprising if you look at his surface level behaviour/personality. That said, there’s more to it than him being a player just for the sake of it.

Remember that being a jujutsu sorcerer is a high risk job - except for Gojo... since he’s the strongest even the chances of him getting injured is basically zero. But he has seen too many friends and colleagues hurt/loose their lives. You might just die on any random easy mission if you’re not Gojo. It’s not a coincidence that seemingly most sorcerers are not married or anything like that. This job is shit (Nanamin, you’re absolutely right). Choosing this job basically means giving up a normal orderly life in exchange for a life full of uncertainties and dangers. If you’re the type to care for your family it’s probably best not to start one in the first place to spare them from tragedy. As harsh as it sounds, it’s easier to put your life on the line when you don’t have to worry about your other half waiting for you to return home. I think the only ones that would really care to get married and have kids are those from the big sorcerer families because they need to continue their bloodline. And I feel tempted to assume that they don’t care in particular about how their family members feel...

Now, the Gojo clan is one of the big three. It’d normally mean Satoru has the duty to continue his bloodline. He could leave this to other clan members though (assuming he’s not the only member of the Gojo family left). But since he is the holder of the Six Eyes and Limitless and he’s the head of his family, there’d be no way around him getting a wife at some point and have some babies. But we know he’s not about those traditions and very much disdains the inner workings of the clans. And since he’s the head of his family and the strongest, I guess no one can force him to anything anyways.

Gojo is a massive troll and most folks just find him super annoying and  too aloof. But that’s just the side of him that he chooses to display in  most situations. It’s not like a goofy character doesn’t have a  serious side. It’s not like the strongest character never hurts. Because  of his immense power and his nonchalant behaviour one tend to forget  that in the end of the day he’s still just a human. I don’t mean that  he might be a depressed character deep down though.  Rather, I think he’s an innately optimistic person.  It’s just that he surely has some sadness in him that he hides away. I  think he is just the typ of character who, while he’s  indeed  a joyful person, also conveniently uses this side of his to mask the more heavier  things that are on his mind. And he deliberately chooses not to let  people get too close to him because that will prevent him from getting hurt -  which btw perfectly fits his infinity cursed technique...

He understands that being the  strongest is far from meaning that he can protect everyone. God knows  how many friends he’s already lost and while people around him are dying  left and right, he’ll surely remain the last man standing. That’s really  sad if you think about it. While he himself might be untouchable, you  can get to him through threatening others that he cares about like for  example his students. And that is a potential weak point for someone  who’s supposed to be invincible. The strongest sorcerer being  vulnerable? How outrageous, that can’t be allowed, right? Imagine he’d let himself get attached and have a family to care for. He just can’t protect them all the time and he has many enemies on top of that.

Also, right now his ultimate goal is to fundamentally change this world they live in. It’s a huuuge task to tackle (and probably something only he can do). His mind is occupied by this goal which requires him to train as many future talents as possible. When he says he’s busy he always says it in a joking manner but he really is super busy with his general duties of being the strongest and with his ambitious vision (the fanbook also states that he doesn’t sleep much. my poor manchild. how come he still looks like he’s only 18? that’s not fair. i mean, have you seen nanami and ijichi?) Long story short, he also just doesn’t seem too interested in anything else atm. And honestly, who knows if he’ll survive until the very end of the story...

So on first glance it  seems like being the strongest comes with benefits only. But actually,  it’s lonely up there at the very top. And with great power comes great  responsibility. I think he really started to understand that after the  whole deal with Riko.  It’s when he suffered  a devastating  defeat that he started to  understand what it means to be the strongest and it’s when Getou  fundamentally changed that he started to form a clear vision of what he  wants to do and what he can do with his power.  

We don’t know much of Gojo‘s upbringing yet. But  I think it’s save to assume that born as the absolute strongest already had a lot  of burden placed on him basically from the moment he was born. So since  his earliest childhood he needed to deal with the immensely high  expectations from his family and the sorcerer world in general as well  as dealing with the many folks who’d maybe try to get rid of the kid while he’s still just a child. I don’t think it  makes for a happy childhood. From the top of my head I can recall two panels of child Gojo and in both he looked like a distanced child (kinda had the same vibe as Megumi when he was a child).

The circumstances just place a lot of burden for a child. And I guess when puberty hits all those pent-up emotions made him despise authority and made him a rebellious teen who was all cocky and found that those responsibilities as the strongest sorcerer and the whole deal with protecting the weak was the biggest nuisance ever. - That also explaines why he said he won’t allow anyone to steal the best years of the youth (and why he stopped the elders from taking away the students decision on whether or not they should continue the Goodwill event and then proceeded to opt for a fun baseball game) and why he is usually acting like a child himself. Because he didn’t get to live out his childhood and youth himself he cherishes every opportunity he can get to just be easygoing and carefree.

[destinyc1020]

Yeah I think everyone is a little bit right tbh. Its probably a mix of reasons. I think another thing people might not realise is social media presence can very much effect your "look" which effects how hollywood views you. This of course depends on the actors reach because Florence is a big goof on ig (love her) but she doesnt have that much of a sm presence so it doesn't effect people's perception of her. Basically not that many people see it for it to influence her look to the majority of people. She's seen as a great actress whereas with actors like z and tom who have a massive engagement and go viral over the smallest things need to be more careful because a big part of their following are people who don't even follow them for their work, their social media is a whole different beast in itself that a video or post could be seen by more people than their own projects. So what they post and how they portray themselves very much has an influence on their career as a certain role would. It sounds ridiculous but if tom posted as much much weird and goofy stuff as he used to then thats how his audience but also hollywood (directors, studios etc) will view him. Kinda like how people just view him as Peter parker and some people don't take him seriously because of it. I dont have the link but I read a discussion about it before and it was super interesting. Many younger actors are now encouraged to keep their social media very mysterious (like timmys) because another effect it can have is people now more than ever actually know what a celebrity is like (to a degree) we build up our own image and that can be seen as a negative as casting directors want the audience to associate them with the character and not the actor and obvious thats becoming more difficult. Its even worse for tom because he's already accociated with a young, goofy iconic character but then ontop of that to be associated with cute goofy tom could have him not as desirable for serious roles and studios look at him more for action/comedy movies that cater to his young audience. Toms spoken about moving to the next chapter of his life and wanting to do more serious roles and maybe (just a theory) hes trying to keep his social media a bit more serious. I definitely think that's a big reason zendayas behaviour on sm changed. Her page is a lot more grown up and less personal. It's very professional and I really do think that was strategic to shake the teen image and I do think it helped

Thanks Anon for this in-depth analysis. I totally agree with you. I don't think fans realize just how much your social media "presence" will sometimes have to change, especially the more followers you get, and the more variety of roles you start wanting to go for. Keep in mind, even regular employers sometimes look at someone's social media posting habits and decide whether to hire you based on THAT alone. So yea, Tom and Z go viral just for breathing these days lol, so they have definitely scaled back somewhat on what they post...which is SMART actually imo. I've always felt that it's a little better to be mysterious anyway as opposed to posting everything. If I had to choose an extreme, I'd much prefer the opposite, because posting every single thing can get you in trouble. The less you post the better honestly. Like you said, a lot of actors don't post too much because they want audiences to see them as the character that they are. The more people feel like they know you, the harder it is for people to see you disappear into a character.

Yea, I miss the days when Z was posting her everyday life every two seconds lol... But now that she's 25 and is trying to get more serious roles as a respected actress in Hollywood, I can't even imagine her posting HALF of the stuff she would post like even just 3 or 4 years ago lol! 😅🤣

Same with Tom. If Tom is looking to do more adult roles, and to shake the Peter Parker image, he's probably not going to be posting 24/7 or posting fluff stuff all the time. Like you said, casting directors see a celebrity's postings as well.

[seventeenlovesthree]

How the creators of Digimon Adventure 01 and 02 “scattered the children’s personality traits all over the place (...) to throw you off the usual, conventional track” and caused one of their male characters to defy male stereotypes.

Just a little response to the creators of Digimon Adventure 01 and 02 talking about how many male and female characters they wanted to include in their story.

Disclaimer: This theory is to be taken not only with a grain, but a whole cave full of salt. At first glance, there is nothing that suggests that any of the following points lead to anything other than Koushirou Izumi being just a very nuanced, multidimensional, cleverly written male character in a show that refuses to give in to character stereotypes. So this is just a little thought experiment. In general, despite his shortness, Koushirou is depicted as very boyish throughout all seasons. However, there are still some minor things that are not only “atypical for male characters”, but could potentially also be read as "typically female character framing/coding", especially if you take into consideration that Digimon was created in the 1990s:

He's the ONLY male character who (almost*) NEVER got a male voice actor in the Japanese original. (*The only exception was for the one line he had in the epilogue. But throughout Adventure 01, 02, Tri and Kizuna, he always had voice actresses.)

He is often placed “on the girls' side” (and depicted as a mirror to Sora, who, in return, also broke through female character stereotypes throughout the course of 01). This is especially apparent in the final episodes of Adventure 01, the Dark Masters’ arc. Due to the imbalance of male and female characters (another analysis post about this can be found here), you might think that “somebody HAD to go over to the other side, right?” But then again, you may also ask yourself: “Why exactly was there a reason to mirror boys and girls in the first place?”

His general “softness”. Admittedly, this can always be assigned to the fact that he is a child at the age of ten. Plus, throughout the course of 01 and 02, he gets developed into some kind of “middle ground character”. But let’s start at the beginning: Koushirou starts the series as a very polite person, who is having a hard time connecting to other people, thus hiding behind the polite demeanour and losing himself in solving riddles. However, despite that, he is still a very nuanced, hands-on and emotional character, who is allowed to show feelings and cry on a regular basis (the cry count in Adventure is at 3 or 4, if I’m not mistaken), he can be kind, silly, goofy or flustered, etc.

(Also, obviously, all children are seen to have an affinity for physical affection towards their partners, but since he’s one of the shortest characters, he appears to be especially squishy when he hugs Tentomon/Motimon.) He becomes more open in 02, more direct and forward in expressing his anger and frustration - but throughout 01 and 02, he isn’t seen showing signs of “stereotypical male (prideful alpha) behaviour”. Taichi and Yamato, for comparison’s sake, very clearly fall into the category of “Let’s settle this with loud, angry words or even fists if necessary”. Thankfully, as the headline suggests, there is nuance in each and every of these characters - and Taichi and Yamato are just as often, if not more regularly, seen being thoughtful, considerate and crying. However, the two of them and Jyou show (different kinds of) leadership and authority throughout 01, which may also lead to somewhat toxic tendencies when it comes to acting out of obligation only, not taking other people’s feelings into consideration or trying to claim leadership by force. (On a different note, Taichi can very clearly be “Girls, am I right?”, which is something Koushirou kiiiiiinda also shows symptoms of on several occasions, but mainly in a “I really don’t know how to deal with people” manner, whether it’s about Mimi or when he says “this is easier for girls” or “women can be scary when angry.”) All of the things stated above aren’t that much outside the norm without context - since Koushirou does take on a “leadership role” in 02. However, he does so in a different way than you’d expect:

The family angle and his role as a parental figure. Or in other words: His dadness/momness. Granted, there are certainly a lot of male mentor figures in fiction (even though the majority often falls into the Gennai category of "wise old man"). However, as we have pointed out before, Koushirou is generally a very emotional character and several of his attributes, his kindness and overly worried nature towards the 02 kids are easily traits you would usually assign to a character like Sora. The big sister/mom friend. Who was chosen not be around that much - as amazing and revolutionary as Miyako was as a tech genius, the way the girls were treated was still somewhat debatable, but I digress. Not only are Sora and Koushirou shown to be parallels at the end of 01, but they’re also depicted to be complete mirrors during the second episode of 02, being the mentor figures who are meant to “awaken” their successors. And, interestingly enough, it's almost like Sora gave the "mom friend baton" to Koushirou when saying “I hope they can be good replacements for us”, to which Koushirou immediately replied "No, we have to do our best too!". He takes on the role of the team mom mentor very seriously, is one of the most visible original characters throughout the whole season, provides information, shelter, support - and even scolds the kids if necessary (which leads to a very hilarious scene in which he and Taichi basically act like a bickering couple - generally, they’re being very proud parental figures for the youngsters). 

Before that, during the Dark Masters’ arc in 01, he had already taken on the role of the emotional support for Taichi and Hikari: “Koushirou’s family issues getting resolved leads to him being the one who tries to help the one person he is emotionally closest to (besides Tentomon of course) with his own family related issues. Koushirou, who decided early on that he had to “do something” in order not to let the “feeling of unity” among them get shattered. Koushirou, who was seen not only developing a subtle interest in Taichi’s sister and reassuring her on two occasions, but also got to hear their entire backstory. Even if he doesn’t consciously understand the family angle to its full extent, it is becoming much more clear why he’s getting so frustrated with not being able to “help” in the “way he wants to”. Whereas Taichi obviously considers his “help” in protecting Hikari as important enough." So his role as parental figure throughout 02 isn’t that unlikely to begin with, as he was basically acting the way Sora had throughout the course of 01, trying to keep the team together, caring for them, supporting them. 

Not to mention that he, in general, has always been by Taichi’s side, driving the plot and figuring out solutions to problems throughout 01, while simultaneously ending up to be the only one who sees Taichi at his most vulnerable, lowest point(s) in the series, telling him to take care of himself. In contrast, Koushirou also had some of his most emotional moments, breaking through his polite demeanour, in response to Taichi. So the final question that remains and that will probably never be answered is: “If Digimon had decided to even out the cast, including 4 male and 4 female characters, would Koushirou have been chosen to be a girl - and would he have been seen as a potential love interest for Taichi, thus having Taishirou be considered/perceived as ‘canon’ (or at least experience a big rise in popularity) due to the way Taichi’s and Koushirou’s relationship was handled?” Who knows...

The “momness” angle is also interesting when you think about the theory that the Digimon partners are reflections/(hidden) parts of their human partners’ souls. Even if Tri plays the following aspect for laughs, Tentomon is STILL depicted as “motherly” (which was also the way Koushrou’s and Tentomon’s voice actors described him in an interview around the third Tri movie):

If Tentomon is a reflection of Koushirou’s soul, this is something that IS somewhere inside of him to at least come capacity (even if Tri in general does not show off his parental traits like 02 did, quite the opposite, actually - Tentomon and the others have to take care of him). And since Tentomon directs this quote towards Koromon...

Tldr: In sum, it may just mean that Digimon has been pretty groundbreaking for its time by refusing to turn their characters into tropy stereotypes and give them a lot of nuance instead. I wasn’t trying to assign any kind of differentiating gender (or gender-fluidity for that matter) to any character in Digimon, I was just trying to summarize things I had noticed when reading through other Digimon related theories - and in the end, regardless of how you read Koushirou’s “coding”, headcanons are always allowed. I also found the idea interesting that him wearing mainly loose clothes or formal shirts was an indicator of him hiding certain attributes. From that angle, it would also have made his whole “struggling to find clothes” arc in Tri a lot more interesting, because it could have implied he was trying to figure out his own identity there...

[whenyouknowyouknow]

GOLDEN music video analysis

First of all, DISCLAIMER: These are merely the things that I noticed and what I think they could mean. I do not claim that these are H’s brain childs.

Second of all I might have written some stuff double, but I really wanted to publish this before TPWK drops. So YAY to that.

Third of all. Sorry this is really long ^^* Now lets start.

The two main parts that I noticed about the MV:

there is a shit ton of cuts

there are 7 different characters

Let’s have a look at the later first

THE CHARACTERS

In order of appearance

1. The Runner

1.1. clothes

white oversized shirt

half unbuttoned

shorts in soft sand and red colours, one of a kind feedsack shorts (hybrid seeds)

white (but dirty) canvas shoes with soft pink and white laces

gold cross necklace

1.2. symbolism

lots of skin visible through shorts, half-open shirt and shirt being half see-through = openness

canvas shoes are well worn and dirty = steadiness/consistency and loyalty/devotion

shorts: genuine hybrid seeds (Hybrid seeds are bred for higher yield and better resistance against pests and disease. Their seeds will not produce the same plant as the parent)

colours:

white - associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, virginity, perfection

beige - neutral, calm, relaxing

pale pink - soothing

1.3. behaviour

main protagonist

runs after the camera

looks at the camera nearly all the time

Smiles/sings along/runs hard

chases camera, sometimes under strain but most often running with it

He is the thread that leads through the MV (appears a lot in the beginning, gets strewn in until the end, is the first and the last)

only one not wearing pearls

1.4. special moments

“I know you were way too (camera changes from full-frontal to frog perspective to show the bright sky) bright for me”

“loving you’s the antidote, golden” (greets away from camera)

2:35 not running (during the 28 goldens) ruffling hair and looking around as if uncertain how to proceed, “Because I’m so golden” turns and runs away from the camera, “You’re so golden” camera switches back to frontal

Gonna put the rest under the break because this thing got massive and long

2. Suited Up

2.1. clothes

light blue/turquoise blazer

shirt striped white and soft blue

tartan flares

white lace gloves (not always)

white (but dirty) canvas shoes with soft pink and white laces

gold cross necklace, light blue&white bead necklace (Millefiori+Freshwater pearls)

2.2. symbolism

patterned trousers - giving balance to the monochrome jacket, the pattern is very small, you have to look close to see it properly

striped shirt - two contrasting colours, stripes were historically used for outcasts and people that needed to be contained (servants, jesters, prostitutes, ...) in this case the contrast is low (white and light blue) and not always right away visible

non-formal suit, no tie, top buttons are open to reveal jewelry, sometimes with lace gloves - hides most of himself but not in an uptied way. There is a playfulness about it with the top buttons undone and the lace gloves that do cover his hands but also not. He plays peek-a-boo with how much he reveals

canvas shoes are well worn and dirty = steadiness/consistency and loyalty/devotion

Colours:

light blue - serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom, calming, reliability but also sadness

white - associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, virginity, perfection

brown - reliability, elegance, security, healing, home, grounding, foundations, stability, warmth, honesty

2.3. behaviour

goofy and expressive

lots of dad dancing and acting out musical parts

very flirty

   2.4. special moments

gloves: in the beginning and the gesturing along with the chimes

no gloves: dorky dancing and car hood flirting

“Of who I am and all I’ve ever known” dorky dancing

hides his hands when he flirts with the camera while singing “I don’t want to be alone” 

grinning dancing, camera twirls around him, he twirls and lands on a car hood, flirting with both people inside (they are not distinguishable), his foot is raised up coquettishly, pan around to his face, he smiles broadly

3. Car Driver

3.1. clothes

shirt striped white and light blue

lace gloves

light blue&white bead necklace (Millefiori+Freshwater pearls)

3.2. symbolism

the jacket is gone, leaving the striped shirt in full view

shirt not buttoned up

lace gloves - protection vs being open, purity vs debauchery

separated from camera through windshield - distancing himself from the onlooker

Colours:

light blue - serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom, calming, reliability but also sadness

white - associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, virginity, perfection

3.3. behaviour

does not smile

sings and seems mostly neutral and concentrated on driving

3.4. special moments

“take me back to the light” in tunnel, hard cut to outside tunnel, hard cut to inside tunnel emerging from tunnel

last line: “I don’t want to be alone”

4. Waterboy

4.1. clothes

swim shorts striped blue/off-white

gold cross necklace, blue beads necklace (Millefiori necklace+Freshwater pearls)

4.2. symbolism

lots of skin, open hands stretched out towards camera - very open

barefoot - innocence/childhood, freedom from real-life requirements

switch from light blue to a stronger blue (necklace and shorts) - emphasize on that colour

Colours:

blue - serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom, calming, reliability but also sadness

white - associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, virginity, perfection

4.3. behaviour

only one depicted in 3 different ways (1. outside of water filmed from inside water, 2. inside water filmed from inside the water, 3. inside water filmed from outside the water)

outside of water: squatting, facing the camera, strong gestures and mimic, slightly crazy

inside the water: diving, sinking, floating, often with eyes shut

Water is used as something to either hide in (camera) or be surrounded with (H)

4.4. special moments

first appearance: “I don’t want to be alone” reaches for and sings to the camera (which is under water and peaking out) “I don’t want to be alone” dives into the water

“I can feel it take a hold” under water, only eyes above waterline and out of view from the camera

“out of my head” starts shaking his head crazily “and I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken” camera sinks deeper under water, when it’s under, H hits the water

“I know that you’re scared because I’m so OPEN” hits the water

5. Fishermans Hat

5.1. clothes

yellow fisherman’s hat

Cross necklace, white bead necklace (Millefiori+Freshwater pearls)

long flared trousers beige with blue flower print

brown belt

white (but dirty) canvas shoes with soft pink and white laces

5.2. symbolism

first appearance of yellow, only hints of blue in the fine flower print

upper body naked, lower body completely covered - ambivalence between showing and not showing but very clearly divided. Covered parts are not guessable bc even the form is hidden

Colours:

yellow - most luminous colour, stands for happiness, optimism, enlightenment, creativity, sunshine but also betrayal and cowardice

blue - serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom, calming, reliability but also sadness

5.3. behaviour

either pressing his lips together or mouthing along to the instrumentals

swaying to the music

stands on various places on the shore rocks in different distances

lots of cuts

5.4. special moments

only appears during the 28 goldens and the following “Because I’m so open”

only once turned away from the camera 2:38 (extremely short cut, only visible if slowed down to the max)

6. Crystal ball

6.1. clothes

nail polish gold/silver

white beret with black bow/trim

Cross necklace, white bead necklace (Millefiori+Freshwater pearls)

6.2. symbolism

only clothing is the hat, crystal ball is center - technically very open but what you see is upside down and distorted

he holds the crystal ball himself - the distortion and turning upside down of what we see is in his hands

Colours:

white - associated with light, goodness, innocence, purity, virginity, perfection

6.3. behaviour

being upside down

sings along

only fast cuts to him

6.4. special moments

first appearance after “Because hearts get broken”

last appearance “I know that you’re scared because I’m so open” (analysis of that part in the extras)

7. Reflection

7.1. clothes

swim shorts

7.2. symbolism

the person itself is only seen in contour and upside down - no real information and lots of distortion and distraction (upside down, reflection on the water, tinted red and yellow, clouds and stones mix into the picture)

Colours:

yellow - most luminous colour, stands for happiness, optimism, enlightenment, creativity, sunshine but also betrayal and cowardice

blue - serenity, stability, inspiration, wisdom, calming, reliability but also sadness

red - love, lust, sexuality, sensitivity, romance, joy, strength, leadership, courage, anger, danger, malice, wrath, determination

7.3. behaviour

this could be the 4th version of the Water Boy but as there are so many differences I put him extra

we only ever see the dark reflection of him

always upside down

dances in swaying motions

7.4. special moments

the whole composition looks a bit like an eye

appears 3 times during the 28 goldens

Constants in all roles are:

silver and golden nail polish

Both stand for wealth

silver additionally stands for kindness, psychic abilities and is believed to be the mirror to the soul, helping us to see ourselves as others see us

gold associated with illumination, love, compassion, courage, magic and wisdom but also sparkle and glamour

golden cross necklace

pearls (and Millefiori beads in light blue or blue)

only the Runner doesn’t wear them (it’s not clear for the Reflection but based on the shorts I’d say the styling is the same as for the Waterboy)we all know how H is wearing pearls now basically everywhere so him wearing them in the MV is no surprise

Pearls are said to attract wealth and luck, offer protection, balance karma, strengthen relationships, symbolize purity, generosity, integrity, loyalty, used for purifying wate

The millefioriare glas beads that depict flowers. Flowers symbolize fertility, health, flourishing

these necklaces are pretty and colour coordinated to the outfits but they also seem to be a blessing

when there are shoes it’s white (but dirty) canvas shoes with soft pink and white laces

which can stand for steadiness/consistency and loyalty/devotion

Main themes

a journey that starts in a tunnel and ends on a open road, both (beginning and ending) are unprovoked

conflict between openness and secrecy, how much is shown and how much of that is the reality?

Now to the cuts

The editing of the video is brilliant and hides so many little tidbits that I fear that I have seen only half of them (I meantioned the most noticable ones in the Roles), so here goes nothing

There are 156 cuts

The highest concentration of cuts is during the 28 goldens until “Because I’m so open.”

The biggest cluster of cuts is at 2:43 (7 cuts) and 2:44 (6 cuts) “Because I’m so open”

All cuts visualized

Runner - skin tone

Suited Up - royal blue

Car Driver: Tunnel - dark red, Outside - sky blue

Waterboy: Outside - pale green, Under Water - dark green, In Water - bluish green

Crystal Ball - brown

Fishermans Hat - yellow

Reflection - purple

The last dark red cut should be morphing into a sky blue (just couldn’t figure out how to do that)

The lead up to the climax starts shortly after the first appearence of the crystal ball (5th row from the bottom)

the 28 Goldens start with the Suited Up blue in the same row

All appearences of the Fichermans Hat are only during the 28 Goldens and in the climax

Now let’s talk about the climax

the 28 Goldens end with the last appearence of the Reflection (purple)

The following 5 seconds are the climax

Cristal ball “I know” Suited up (full body, looking to the right, lips pressed together, steps forward)

“That you’re scared” Runner (stands,looks at camera, hands on hips)

“Be” Suited Up (portrait, looks at camera, slightly upwards)

“cause” Suited Up (portrait, looks at camera, slightly downward)

“I” Crystal ball

“‘m”

Suited Up (portrait, looks at camera slightly downwards)

Waterboy (in water, head above, hands strechted out to a V)

Fishermans Hat (half body, raising arms, head tilted to the right)

“so” Crystal ball (lowering the Crystal ball)

“o”

Waterboy (in water, head above, hands slowly sinking, moving head backwards as if cheering)

Crystal ball (without Crystal ball, comes into focus)

Waterboy (in water, head above, moving head backwards as if cheering, wave rolls into the focus, Waterboy not visible)

Crystal ball (without Crystal ball)

Crystal ball (super short flicker, with Crystal ball again)

“pen” Waterboy (outside water, hits the water)

Runner (turnes away from camera and runs away)

So what is the story? At first it might look as if all the different characters are random and the MV only being about a nice summer day, singing about a love and not having an underlying story but when we look deeper there is a lot to unpack.

When we look at the distribution of how much time each character got and when which character was the focus it becomes clear that the Runner is the main protagonist. He is the one that starts us off, carries us through and brings it to the end. He quite literally runs us through the MV. He is the red thread tying it all together. He is also the only one not wearing pearls, which sets him apart from all the characters but also from H himself.

Looking at the other characters he is one of only two that actually smile. But while the Suited up character is, well... suited up, literally hiding most parts of himself from the viewer, even going as far as wearing gloves, the Runner is wearing loose clothes, short or see through and not buttoned up. He is showing quite a lot of himself and he is not self conscious about it or coquettish or anything really because he is focusing on running. Pulling us through the music video by running towards us(?), the camera, really. He is also not chasing. There are parts where he pushes himself to run faster but it’s never a chase. Always running with the camera.

The only time he breaks the pattern is during the instrumental part, the 28 Goldens, where he stops running, looking around as if questioning where to go. He picks back up running directly after the climax “I know that you’re scared because I’m so open” but this time he runs away from the camera as if choosing a different path. Because maybe he doesn’t want the other to be scared and choses to go back or maybe he wasn’t actually open and wants to change that by retracing his steps. But with the next cut to him he is again running towards the camera. It’s not clear if anything changed and then he just stops running. The camera getting further away from him. He looks on, there are no sad feelings.

Of all the other characters only one shows no signs of hiding anything.

Suited up is dorky, expressive and flirty while also playing with the contrasts of a full suit but a not fully buttoned shirt, with lace gloves that hide him but also give peeks of him, with hiding his hands behind his back while flashing his dimpled smile. He looks genuine, he probably is ... to some extent. There are parts of himself that he doesn’t show but he is charming about it. Playing with it.

The Driver hides behind his windshield, also wearing the lace gloves but he is not charming or even smiling. He drives. Somewhere. He definitely drives from the dark tunnel into the light while singing “take me back to the light” and he ends his appearances with the words “I don’t want to be alone”. He shows us his vulnerable side by telling us his hopes but there is no deep connection, he keeps a distance.

The Fishermans hat seems open and for a certain part he is, a bare chest with all his history etched into his skin is quite clearly open. But his lower body is so effectively covered, we can’t even see the exact shape of his legs due to the trousers cut, or if he is even wearing any shoes. that it feels like a statement of “yes you can see part of me but the other part I keep absolutely hidden.” He keeps his lips well pressed together. Jumping closer and further back again with each cut. Making it hard to place him or foresee what to expect next.

The Crystal ball is a study in hiding. Yes the part of the body we see is naked and seems very open, but it’s also upside down and distorted by the ball that he holds himself. And even the part of the climax where he lowers the ball to reveal himself ends in a short flicker of the ball being back, distortion in place. That is the last appearance of this character.

The Reflection is by far the most mysterious. We don’t see anything of him except for his outline. He is a reflection in a pond, distorted and tinted by the other reflections and the stones under water as well as the whole scene being tinted by red and orange. There is no way to get any real information from that one.

And then there is the Waterboy. The one in just swim shorts. The one pulling faces at something, someone, in the water. The one talking directly to the camera “and I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken” while the camera sinks lower. The one jumping into the water “I don’t want to be alone” and “I can feel it take a hold” while being under water. There is no clarification who he is talking too/about but it is clear that he wants to be close and closer. Wants to surround himself with it. This openness is especially stark as every other side character is a version of hiding in some way or the other.

The clash of all those characters hiding, distorting, playing peek-a-boo with how much they reveal and how much of their personality is reality and that one honest open character that wants someone so much that he is diving for them. Disregarding all the other characters because he is the one that scares the other by being open.

And still the last side character making an appearance is the one suited up, he smiles and is charming, flirting with people that can’t be seen, we can see them waving and really they could be anyone that wants his attention. He twirls, drapes himself over the hood of their car, letting his dimples pop, delicately placing his chin in his hand and raising his foot. It’s the longest continuous scene in the music video and is followed only by the Runner stopping to run, ending his part of escorting us through the story.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @joonie5

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a bucket shape, with mars as the handle of the bucket. your mars is in the 6th house, hence matters regarding work, health and routine will be your priorities in this lifetime. you also have clear ideas about your future and who you want to be. even though you may have different passions and talents you’re capable of only sticking to one and mastering it, giving your all.

your dominant planets are uranus, mercury venus. you are a particularly smart individual, you're probably very witty and you always manage to come up with original and innovative ideas. in fact, you're very creative, and you may even express yourself through some sort of artistic hobby for example.

your dominant sign is aquarius. you're eccentric and rebel, you don't like being told what to do. you're very considerate of others, as you focus more on the development of a group rather than your persona. that's because you want the people you frequent to be as open-minded as you are. aquarius people are capable of elaborating different ideas in a short amount of time; hence, you either overwork yourself, or you're not able to keep up with all your ideas, leaving projects unfinished.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in gemini, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

you enjoy communicating and intellectualism. you’re very curious about everything that surrounds you. you love expanding your knowledge, ideas and mind in general through communication, interactions and media. you have the ability to adapt quickly to new situations; your mind is fast, usually impulsive, even though this energy may not be much prominent; it may be perceived differently due to your virgo energy, in fact. that’s because virgo prefers organizing things, rather than acting impulsively. yet, this placement still helps you being adaptable to changes, even though you may only be able to see it after a few years if you manage to balance it well. you may also be able to match the energy of the people you’re talking to in order to be perceived as more likeable and connect with everyone on a deeper level. you may be so focused on making up your emotions, that you could forget to feel them, though. this may eventually cause crisis in an individual. you may be fond of books, poetry, literature… both writing and reading. it’s also a way to let yourself tune to your emotions. since you’re constantly mentally active, physically you may also tend to play with your fingers or hair, or maybe you tend to gesticulate while you speak. appearance-wise, I assume you’re at least of average height, with long limbs and fingers. you have something small about your face; you may either have a small nose, or eyes, lips etc. same thing goes for your bones. you may be naturally skinny. you also tend to look younger than you actually are, especially when growing up.

gemini ascendant opposite sagittarius pluto: you're aware that the world is too nasty for your honesty, hence you may have trust issues. even though you are friendly, you're very picky about who you decide to actually call your friend. you may constantly feel lonely, as if no one were willing to listen and understand you. you live with the fear that others may take advantage of you, hence you end up doing it yourself, unconsciously. you may be controlling, but your chart hints that it's not too much of a big deal. you may have the tendency to do it sometimes, but it's mostly a bad trait of your past life. the universe is testing you to see if you've learned your lesson or not. you have all the skills to avoid this type of behaviour now that you're aware of it.

🌞 sun in capricorn, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

you're an extremely ambitious and hard-working person. you have a goofy side to you, and with your gemini rising I don't think it's hard to let it out. nonetheless, you put a lot of seriousness in your goals. you aspire to be the best, not only for yourself, but also to be recognized. you don't do it to brag, though. you just want to feel fulfilled, being good at something boosts your self-esteem. in fact, you're quite insecure about yourself. you're a perfectionist, you always want to be at your best state, and that could pressure you. since you were a child, you always took care of your responsibilities, in fact you probably didn't find yourself at ease around your peers at school. you get along more with older people, or that are at least as mature as you, as you grew up sooner than other kids, with a strong sense of duty. you tend to be a bit too materialistic; for example, when thinking about a gift, you immediately think about something material that costs money, not something handmade, for example. money is very important for you, and you aspire to achieve a great status in life. you're also quite pessimistic, you never set your expectations too high, mostly out of fear. you're constantly afraid that things could turn out the way you don't want them to be, as you always want to have everything under control. because of that, you may even appear as bossy or snobby, as you may have the impulse to control people as well. you don't do it out of malice, though, it's something very subconscious that comes from fear. fear of not being able to achieve your goals and being criticized by others.

capricorn sun conjunct capricorn mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy gemini dominance makes you naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in aries, 24° / 3rd decan ruled by mars and venus

you aim for greatness. this is where your strong desire to be the #1 comes from, pretty much. you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way; after all, aries is pretty self-centered. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. in fact, aries moon makes you really protective of your loved and trusted ones, even though they're not many because of your high standards. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words.

aries moon square capricorn mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your capricorn mercury desires privacy and formal, mannered relationships, your cancer moon wants more fun and action. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

🗣 mercury in capricorn, 18° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

you can come off as cold by the way you speak. when you're speaking to someone you're not close to, you choose your words more wisely and patiently; with your friends, on the other hand, you take off your mask and you just act the way you feel to. you may also be the type to give dry answers, such as 'ok', 'alright', 'good' and so on. your tone is calm and placid, while your voice sounds quite youthful, but still with a note of steadiness. you're funny, but your humor is more sarcasm-based. you're not intimidated easily; even when someone tries to argue with you, you don't back up from it. you may dive deep into your mind to find the right answer you to your problem. even if it takes you some time, you manage to find a solution. a downside to this is that you may lack patience; you are very efficient, and you want people to match your standards.

❤️ venus in pisces, 0° / 1st decan ruled by neptune

you’re hopelessly romantic, to the point that you almost look naive. you’re not simply looking for a partner or spouse, you’re looking for a soulmate; someone you can literally communicate with just using your eyes, someone that knows how to make you feel even messier on the inside. you like to nurture and feel nurtured in a relationship. your ideal lover would be sensitive and empathetic, yet still with a sort of rebel vibe to them. this placement is indeed very lovely, but it has its downsides too, of course. the problem is, pisces makes you idealize your crushes/partners way too much, to the point that you create an image of someone in your head that turns out to be the opposite at the end. you ignore your partner’s flaws, as they seem perfect to you. pisces also attracts 'broken’ persons, so you may be prone to find yourself people with any kind of illness or addiction. you also have the tendency to fall for people who may hurt you because they’re unavailable, either physically or emotionally. you could possibly also crush on celebrities, movie characters etc. that’s because you’re more the type to fall in love with love, rather than with the actual person.

pisces venus square gemini jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the clouds. yet, thanks to your capricorn energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

pisces venus square taurus saturn: you feel unable to love someone, or perhaps you feel pressured from others to hide your love, maybe it's your shyness or it could as well be other factors. this placement usually brings fear of committing, causing the individual to be flaky. there are two possibilities; I assume you directly avoid to get into relationships. your mind may unconsciously repress any thought about an eventual crush or love interest. it is caused by your insecurity, especially regarding your looks. or perhaps, it’s the other way around: you literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. you could feel pressured to be in a relationship, even though it’s not your priority. this is something that is mainly caused by insecurity, whether you realize it or not, even though it's something that will get better with time, especially since you have a strong capricorn dominance. don’t be afraid of not being enough, because you are. but if you don’t realize it first, others won’t. you have to be your own healer, and you’re totally capable of doing that.

☄️ mars in scorpio, 6° / 1st decan ruled by pluto

you’re an extremely goal-oriented person. you want to be the best at everything you do, not only to be better than others but also the best for yourself. you’re very astute, it’s impossible to trick you, and you always find a way to be in charge and get what you want. yet, you can get quite obsessed about your goals, that you could do extreme things to get what you want. in fact, people with this placement can even manipulate others, as they’re totally capable of doing that. yet, I don’t see many placements that point out to that in the rest of your chart, aside from your gemini rising. in fact, you are probably a very smooth talker, as I've already mentioned above. people are naturally attracted to you, you have a way with words, and hence you’re always able to convince others into giving you what you want. but luckily, this doesn’t turn into manipulation, you probably don’t even realize this skill of yours, and hence you don’t use it to damage others. when you get angry, you could actually seem scary. your emotions are very intense, it’s hard to calm you down. mixed with your aries moon and capricorn mercury, you may be very sarcastic and aggressive with your words. you could hurt people, but you don’t do it on purpose. most of the time, you don’t even mean the things you say. you may also vent your anger with physical action, hence you could slam doors, punch or break things etc.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in gemini. your ego feels fulfilled when you express your opinions, ideas and creativity. people probably see you as an intelligent, wise individual. maybe even as a know-it-all. you care about both your inner and outer self, which may be the cause of your confidence issues. you try to fit into society, and you tend to change your approach to people based on who you’re interacting with. while this gives you great social skills, it may confuse you quite a bit. in fact, you may forget who you are. you may often have identity crisis, especially since you always feel as if you have to fit somewhere. with the ruler of the 1st house in the 8th house, your life is oriented towards experiences and earning money. you probably love having deep, meaningful bonds with others, and you could also be quite picky in choosing your friends. you may be interested in the the occult and spiritual matters, like tarots, astrology, etc. you probably ask yourself about the meaning of existence a lot, for example, you’re constantly looking for the truth. above all, you love learning about yourself, and that also explains why you decided to book a reading.

your 2nd house is in cancer. your family, home and cultural background may play a big role in your finances. you may earn money through your family’s business, or maybe you actually work with your family. you may also work from home, especially online/through social media. your adaptability is your greatest strenght; you’re probably good at a different variety of jobs, hence it may not be hard for you to find something to cope before deciding your definite career. this also confirms that your values, self-worth and security were shaped by your roots, childhood and family. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 11th house; having a dream, a goal to pursue and working hard for it is a great help to boost your self-esteem and be more self-aware. you may actually make money out of it, you could pursue the career of your dreams and earn a nice income from it. the 11th house also rules friendship, hence you could have many wealthy friends, or perhaps they help you feeling more confident. you’re probably more sociable when you’re in their company.

your 3rd house is in cancer. your parents were probably successful in school and university, and they passed down their knowledge to you. maybe, you felt so pressured to meet their expectations that you became insecure about your abilities. you may also find yourself talking about your memories, as you’re very attached to them, or even directly about your childhood/parents. you could, for example, write very personal poetry or books, you can’t help but tune in all of your feelings when you express yourself through words. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 11th house: you may often find yourself thinking and talking about your goals. especially with your capricorn dominance, you are an hard-working individual who always tries to get their job done, and hence you may often talk about your achievements, your goals and expectations. you may also have lots of friends, especially from school, or at least you love talking to them, you have witty friends who you can have interesting and stimulating conversations with.

your 4th house is in leo. your family had great expectations of you, which could eventually led to anxiety/self-esteem issues. on the other hand, your parents cared about you, and they always made sure they let you have everything you needed. if you have siblings, you were most likely the favourite child in the family, or at least you were spoiled by your parents, both with material things and affection. overall, your childhood wasn’t much turbulent, I don’t see any kind of trauma. the ruler of the 4th house is in the 8th house: you could come from a possibly wealthy family, or perhaps you have quite of a secretive family. they may not go out too often, you may not like inviting people over for example. also, your family could have received an inheritance, or perhaps you’re the one who’s going to receive an inheritance from your family.

your 5th house is in virgo. you enjoy relax, yet you may feel guilty to abandon work for a while. you always feel like you have something to do, and that doesn’t allow you to fully enjoy your rest time. make sure to always find some space for yourself, though. it’s where your energy resides, you feel at home and comfortable exploring your abilities, you shouldn’t take them for granted. also, this enhances your writing abilities even more. in fact, you’re both creative to create stories and rational to tell them objectively and in a clear manner. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 8th house: your hobbies involve occult topics, such as astrology, tarots, horror etc. you probably also love spending your spare time by yourself. you’re quite of a loner, from this point of view, and you may possibly feel sad about it.

your 6th house is scorpio, with mars placed here as well. you may be passionate about routine, self-care, health and work, to the point that it looks (and feels) obsessive. you may attract enemies in your daily life, e.g co-workers that are jealous of your ambition. you might have to undergo different changes in your routine and health throughout your life, which can literally transform you both physically and emotionally. mars here makes you extremely hard-working and effecient, especially combined with your capricorn energy. you are a precise person who always strives to be the best at everything you do. the ruler of the 6th house is in the 7th house: you may come in contact with people very often in your day-to-day life. you may have a job that requires social interactions, for instance, or perhaps you're just the type to spend and enjoy time around others. possibly, you could even find yourself dating your co-workers, and you may actually marry someone from your workplace.

your 7th house is in sagittarius, with also pluto tightly conjunct the descendant. you want your marriage to be a constant travel for you, in which you can both relax and learn. you want to marry a witty and impulsive partner, that is also fun to live with. you may often find yourself falling for unavailable people, either physically or emotionally (or even both). pluto here can make things a bit complicated, though. in fact, pluto in the 7th house indicates that you may have a turbulent marriage, you may often fight with your spouse. in the worst case, this could even escalate as physical violence, not only verbal. there could also be lots of power struggles and competitiveness, you feel as if you always the need to be superior to feel secure, and this could interfer in your relationships. of course, this doesn't have to be 100% accurate, you have lots of easy aspects in your chart, but I'd keep that in mind if I were in you. the fact that jupiter, the ruler of this house, is in the 12th house, indicates that you may actually dream about your future spouse, or just about your lovers and people that surround you in general. actually, you may even have a connection with your spouse, you could've already met in another lifetime and therefore you two are soulmates.

your 8th house is in sagittarius, and the sun and mercury are also placed here. you’re very curious when it comes to taboo topics, you like learning about them, especially with also mercury being in this house. you’re probably into conspiracy theories, as well as matters like astrology, tarots, horror, tragedies, violence… you’re most likely interested in them, and you may work in a field related to these topics, for example you may become a criminologist, a detective, a psychologist etc. you could also experience lots of karma in your life; that is, if you’re mean to someone, then others will be mean to you too. try to always do your best, the universe will surely appreciate that. you could have strong feelings, but you probably struggle to let them all out. you may particularly good at public-speaking, but actually you’re overall quite secretive, you don’t mind being by yourself. the good thing about 8th house is that, while you suffer, you also transform and grow up to learn from your mistakes. therefore, having an 8th house stellium isn’t a curse like other astrologers say. the ruler of the 8th house is in the 12th house: your self-growth process happens when you’re able to stay by yourself and explore your own mind, you probably think a lot. you also love learning about psychology in general, spirituality, etc. actually, you may even be skilled at reading tarots, birth charts, or at least you have the potential to be good at it.

your 9th house is in capricorn, with also uranus and neptune sitting there. you have a pragmatic approach to philosophy, school and experiences in general. for example, you may be the type to plan every day of a travel. at school, you were probably the type to prefer more logical subjects, but I assume that you were good at all of them. you’re most likely extremely curious about anything the world has to offer. you want to make new experiences and adventures, you want to find out anything about other cultures, places, etc. to open your mind and gain some new knowledge. you probably love travelling, and you may have quite a few dream destinations to visit. the 9th house is also about higher education, and hence you’re probably successful at school. you most likely enjoy studying, and you could get more than one degree actually. or perhaps, you got to study different subjects before choosing your final university, you were quite indecisive at first. neptune is also placed in this house, while the ruler of the 9th house is placed in the 12th, enhancing this energy. you may be a very creative and imaginative individual, you could daydream very often and you tend to literally 'travel' with your mind. you may even be a good writer, you may like reading fantasy books or perhaps you're goot at writing that genre. you could also be fascinated by abroad lands, you may see them as a dream in your eyes.

your 10th house is in aquarius with also your venus placed there. you want to stand out from the crowd, you strive to establish your own morals and beliefs. you don’t want to conform to anything and anyone, as you’re a trend-setter and you want to be seen as such. you’d rather have a job where you can handle your work yourself, rather than having a boss. in fact, aquarius in this house makes you extremely resolute and motivated to achieve your goals and be independent. you may not be much interested in love, and if you are, you don’t overlook career either. having a stable and successful future that makes you happy is the key for happiness in your life. it could take you some time at first to be recognized for your efforts. you may easily experience 'almost-winner’ situation, and hence you could often make silly mistakes that ruin your work. it’s important to be focused when working, especially for you. yet, once you know how to balance this tricky energy and get your stuff together, you'll earn a reputation for being an innovative and original person. you may be quite artistic, creative and emotional, you'll probably focus your life on self-expression. venus in this house is another placement that indicates that you may often date people from your work place, or maybe even people older than you. also, since venus is your most elevated planet, your life probably revolves around love, as well as creativity. in fact, your career could possibly involve beauty, like fashion, make-up, etc. or maybe arts. you could be a singer, a writer... you would also do particularly well at politics or law.

your 11th house is in pisces, with also your moon sitting there. you probably had problems with your friendships in your early years. you could have been too shy to approach people, hence you struggled to befriend them. or maybe, you used to gossip around, and that led you to lose them. or perhaps, you’re too work-oriented to find some spare time to hang out with others, and hence you end up losing your bond with them. in the best case, you may have quite spiritual / religious friends, or perhaps they’re your soulmates, they were a part of your past life. you have this habit of idealizing them a bit; that is, you may be too picky in choosing your friends. you’re probably looking for the type of friend that’d literally throw themselves under a car to save you, but it’s hard to actually find someone like that. open up more and accept others as they are. you don’t necessarily need to be with them for a long time, but make sure to learn your lessons from them. it’s what your life revolves around, after all. the moon here makes you care a lot about your friends; even though you may argue a bit, their presence in your life is still very fundamental for you, they're most likely the ones to bring fun and adventure in your life. we could say that they literally feel like home to you, you feel completely comfortable with them, and you may even have lots of childhood friends. with the ruler of the 11th house being in the 9th house, you may have friends that live far away from you, maybe even abroad, and that have a different cultural background from you. you may also have long-term goals related to the abroad, you may want to learn another language or travel around the world. perhaps, you may even want to go live abroad, or at least you strive to learn as much as you can about the world.

lastly, your 12th house is in the sign of taurus. you’re secretly sensitive and affectionate, but you may have issues finding it out at first. in fact, the center of your life is your own intellectuality, these venusian traits are probably yet to develop. you may feel attracted to spirituality, but you’re quite lazy to actually dive into it, as your jupiter and saturn conjunction suggests. you’re quite secretive, but maybe because you don’t know how to get in touch with your feelings. using tools like meditation, astrology etc. are important for you to understand what you truly need from life. luckily, I assume that you're already working on getting more in touch with your higher self, otherwise you wouldn't have booked a reading. anyways, spirituality for you is particularly important; in fact, with this saturn and jupiter influence, all you need to do is work hard for yourself, as much as you work for others. the universe is going to pay you back. plus, I assume that manifestation and law of attractions work particularly well for you, I'd definitely try that out. your 12th house’s ruler is in the 10th house: getting in touch with your hidden, subconscious and higher self will be crucial to help you grow up and gain success. you may be interested in topics like astrology, psychology etc. most likely to get to know yourself, but your chart points out that you could easily turn these hobbies into a job! or perhaps, you may have a reputation for being secretive, you may not say much about yourself in professional relationships.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract sagittarius, virgo, libra, scorpio, pisces and aries placements. your future spouse may also have sagittarius/scorpio energy, maybe a sagittarius - scorpio cusp. you need someone who’s adventurous, funny, outgoing and witty, that can also stand up for themselves with no hesitation. you’re also into the magnetic, sexy type. you’re looking for someone independent, but that wouldn’t mind dedicating their time to you. you may feel unlucky in love, as your sagittarius descendant makes you attract people that are usually unavailable, whether it’s physically (they’re abroad) or emotionally. you may marry someone of a different culture/country/religion from yours. you may also meet and marry abroad. you may meet through your family, or maybe at your workplace as I’ve already mentioned before. they could also be someone you already know, probably from your childhood. your children will most probably have very prominent mercurian energy, hence gemini or virgo, or maybe they could also have leo or cancer placements; they’ll love to be spoiled with affection, they’ll love material things like toys, food, clothes etc. but they’ll also be very smart and creative.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she's very romantic and mannered. she may have leo placements, or any fire / 5th house placement in general. your father is a bit colder than your mother, and he might be an aquarius or have any type of air/capricorn placement in his chart. your father could be a bit moody and / or unpredictable, and he may also have some addictions in the worst case. yet, he also has a very sweet and romantic side to him that he may struggle to let out. he could possibly also have taurus placements. if you have siblings, they’re probably cancers/ water signs. if you’re the elder sibling, you probably used to take care of them to help your mother. on the other hand, if you’re younger, then your siblings were the ones who nurtured you with your parents.

📊 career

as I’ve already mentioned above, you could work abroad, or at least with different languages/cultures. you’re probably naturally talented in this field, it would be a shame to overlook it. you also most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. in fact, with your aquarius midheaven, I feel like you'd rather be in charge in your job rather than be submissed to a boss. you’re very intuitive and observant, but also logical and rational. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative uranian energy.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

you love wearing comfy, even over-sized fits, but that still look stylish and modern. for example, you may be fond of wide leg trousers, oversized t-shirts or sweatshirts... for the colors, you may fancy pastel colors, especially different shades of blue, or even just natural colors, such as white, beige, kaki etc. you may also like wearing baby/pastel colors, and you may experiment a lot with accessories. you may wear lots of bracelets.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, you probably didn’t have as many challenges as in this life. you most likely used to depend on someone else; perhaps, you married someone rich, hence you didn’t really have to work for your resources. this lifetime, you need to step up your game and become independent. your path to luck and abundance may be long and steep, but your venus being conjunct the north node indicates that you may achieve great personal success in this lifetime. you just need to work on your self-esteem and have stable finances, you shouldn’t over-indulge. to boost your security, you could try using loa, as well as the advices I gave you above.

🤔 major transits analysis, december 25th

in the last few months, you could have had (and you may still have) problems with your friends, as mars and chiron, two malefics, are both transiting your 11th house. you may argue and discuss often, or perhaps you even lost a few friend during this span of time. also, since your natal pluto is conjunct your transit venus, you may feel particularly moody in these days. it could be that you're starting to crave love or communicating in general in the first place, but in addition you also feel the need to change. you may feel very intense emotions, but at least you have a stronger will-power, therefore your manifestations may come true quicker for instance. just be careful not to stress yourself by being too bossy or suspicious.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx