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hailbop1701 · 4 years ago

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ReaperXFemaleReader

Doom: To Hell And Back

Chapter 4: For Whom The Bell Tolls...

Hello my loves! Been a few days and I felt bad so I made this one extra long! Thanks again to @thottiewithashotgun for editing! ❤🖖 and as always if you would like to be tagged please let me know!

You and Duke gently, yet forcefully dragged Dr. Carmack through the halls and then the atrium. There were gasps and shouts of surprise. “Keep everyone back!” you ordered the head of security. He nodded vigorously and urged people back as you, Duke, and Sam pushed through the increasing gap in the crowd. Moving down another corridor, you came to a stop in front of a large grey doorway. ‘Nanowall.’ you thought with resignation.

“No, no, I don’t do nanowalls,” Duke said shaking his head in protest. You smirk, and Sam quickly moved over to the wall controls. “Yes, you do,” Sam said, hitting a red button turning it green. “Do you want me to clear it?” you asked teasingly. Duke snapped his head to you and shook his head “Nah, Nah. You ladies stay out here with Dr. Fruitcake. I’ll clear it.” he said and Sam took over for him on Carmack’s other side. Duke raised his weapon and quickly moved through the wall to clear the other side. An Asian woman ran up to your group from the atrium.

“Did they find the others?” she asked, not bothering with a greeting. She looked at both you and Sam, hope in her eyes. You frowned, guilt coating you from the inside out. You shook your head, “Not yet.” you whispered to her. The woman deflated slightly, “My husband is with them.” she said and Duke motioned for you all to move.

“I’m sure Steve is fine,” Sam soothed as she helped you lift Carmack onto an exam bed. You grabbed a blood pressure cuff from a nearby cart and showed it to him. “Dr. Carmack, I’m going to take your blood pressure,” you said in a calming tone. Carmack growled, “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” you whispered and gently attached the cuff to his arm. “See? Easy,” you breathed out. Pressing a button, you watched as it filled with air. Carmack watched you intently as you examined and cleaned his wounds. ‘Okay, now you’re getting creepy.’ you thought and moved a step back as he began to sniff at your hair again.

Then out of the blue Carmack started panting “I can feel it.” he whispered, panicked. You placed a newly gloved hand on his head trying to calm him down. “What happened down there?” Sam asked from the other side of the bed. Carmack started to shake, “ Shut it down. Shut it down. Shut it down.” he chanted, shaking his head back and forth. He then suddenly clutched your arm way too tight. Duke surged forward but stopped when you held up your other hand. Carmack’s breathing became more erratic, he locked his eyes with yours, “It’s inside.”

“Oh that’s not ominous,” you muttered and gently pried his hand from your arm. You gestured for the syringe on the tray next to the lab tech; she grabbed it and quickly handed it to you. “Alright Doctor, I’m just gonna take a little bit of your blood,” you said in an even tone, a small smile on your face. The man grunted and did nothing as you rolled up his sleeve and looked for a vein. Upon finding one you uncapped the syringe with your teeth and stuck the needle into his arm. You furrowed your brows, the blood filling the syringe looked like it was red curdled milk. “That’s not right,” you whisper.

“Oh, my god. There’s something in his blood. What’s happening to him?” the lab tech asked eyes wide. Shaking your head you held the syringe up to the light; then there was a commotion over the Comms. You looked up at Duke but his head was bent down, with a hand to his ear. Turning up the volume you listened, “Reaper, what have you got?” Sarge barked,

“We’re chasing something,” Reaper responded, sounding out of breath. “What do you mean, ‘something’?” Sarge asked, his frustration growing. “Something big, not human.” came Reaper’s reply. Sarge lost his patience, “God damn it! Give me confirmation on what you see!”

“It’s in the sewer. All units, all units. Southeast corridor near the med lab.” Reaper said urgently. “Crow, you too. We might need you down there.” Sarge ordered; “Yes sir.” you spoke into your comm. then turned to Sam holding up the needle, “You mind running some tests?” you asked. Sam nodded, taking the syringe from you, “(Y/N), be careful.” she said sincerely. “I’m always careful Sam.” you said with a smile; shucking off your gloves you gave Duke a look, “I got her.” he said. You pulled your rifle from your back and stalked out of the infirmary toward the southeast corridor.

You came to a stop just as Portman began to descend the ladder; Sarge nodded to you in greeting. “How is Dr. Carmack?” he asked and you frowned and sighed, “Weird. I pulled some blood and I asked Dr. Grimm to run a few tests for me.” Sarge gave you a look, “He’ll live.” you amended and he nodded and gestured for you to climb down.

You slid down the ladder quickly before hanging in the air. Glancing down you saw the murky water below, you let go of the rung you were holding onto and landed with a small splash. “It’s a shame a fine ass like that has to be in fatigues,” Portman said, leering eyes never leaving your behind. “Portman.” Reaper barked and the slime ball held up his hands in mock surrender. Rolling your eyes, you moved out of the way of Sarge. “I can handle him,” you whispered to Reaper.

He sighed and looked away from you not saying a word. Huffing you followed after Sarge and Destroyer down the nasty sewer tunnel. “Tunnel ahead is the main junction. It leads back to the lab complex,” Pinky said over the comms a few moments later. “Destroyer, cover the exit.” Sarge ordered; the big man nodded and moved back behind the group. You walked in silence for a few minutes before Sarge picked up a floating lab coat, “We got a Dr. Willits. Move out.” he said before he dropped the ripped cloth back into the water.

“Be sober, be vigilant because your adversary, the devil, walketh about seeking whom he may devour.” Goat said and smiled kindly at you like he was keying you in on a joke. “That’s real comforting, Goat. That ain’t freaking me out at all.” Portman complained, truly looking disturbed. ‘Ah.’ you thought smirking now. You stopped suddenly, a prickle danced across your skin. You looked into the dark with narrowed eyes, “Crow, you okay?” Goat asked, placing a hand on your shoulder. Frowning, you nodded.

“Yeah, thought I heard something.” you muttered. Before you could continue on, Portman yelped and disappeared into the murky water. “Portman!” Goat shouted and dove for the man. Sarge whipped around, “What the fuck?”

In the commotion, you and Reaper both dove and grabbed part of Portman’s vest. “Goddamn son of a bitch is heavy!” Reaper grunted. You craned your neck to keep your head from slipping under. “Quick, he’s slipping back. He’s slipping.” Reaper hissed in frustration. Finally, the thee of you pulled Portman up from the drink; you stumbled back and Destroyer caught and steadied you. “Thanks,” you whispered. Destroyer patted you on the head affectionately before turning his head back to the rear. Shaking your head you shook off the extra water. “Portman, what the hell happened?” Sarge shouted. Portman spat out water and put his finger in his ear, “I fell in the damn hole.” he said annoyed.

You, Goat, and Reaper glared hard at Portman, who ignored you in turn. Sarge looked pissed, “Everybody, on me. Watch your goddamn footing. Move.” you made a choking motion at Portman with your hands before shoving past him. After another five minutes, you came to a stop at a crossroads. Sarge turned around, “Goat, Crow, straight ahead. Portman you’re with me. John, take the Kid and go to the right.” he said before leaving with Portman. Goat walked up to you and flicked on his flashlight; “Ladies first.” he said with a gesture. Nodding you flicked on your own gun light before continuing on.

There was a comfortable silence between you and Goat until he decided to break it “What made you want to be a Marine? If you don’t mind me asking.”

You thought for a moment and sighed. “I could tell you it’s because I wanted to help people and serve my country, but I would be lying. I did it all out of spite. My mother wanted me to be something else; like a lawyer or violinist. My god those violin lessons. She made me stop when I began to add remixes.” you laughed and Goat smirked. He looked at you and nodded, “I can see that. You being the rebellious type.” he chuckled. You grinned, “I mean I was pretty good and I liked it for a while. But it started to become a chore after she pushed and pushed. I was never good enough, I always had to be better. So I secretly started to talk to a recruiter, and after I graduated I was gone.” you said with a shrug. Goat looked over at you, “Have you talked to her?” he asked with no judgment in his tone. “Sort of. If you think shouting matches over the phone as ‘talking’.“ you snort and pause for a moment. “Wow, you’re like a confessional,” you mutter, and Goat burst out laughing.

You let out a chuckle and Goat nudged your shoulder with his arm, “For what it’s worth kiddo, you’re one kind-hearted soul who won’t put up with shit. Just uh take care of yourself; maybe give that violin a shot again someday. Go to school for something amazing, don’t end up like me. Full of regret and in pain every time it rains.” he said with a wry smile and you looked at him surprised. “Thanks, Goat. I’ll keep it in mind, I promise,” you whispered with a sad smile. At that moment Goat’s light began to flicker, he smacked at it with an unhappy grunt.

You frowned and looked down at your own light, sighing relieved you saw that yours was still working perfectly. Goat unhooked his flashlight and shook it until droplets of water came out. “Great,” he muttered frustrated, “You uh guys didn’t get the waterproof ones?” you asked with a cheeky smile. Goat looked at you with a raised eyebrow; you unhooked your own light and held it out for him. “Take mine, I think you might need it more.”

Before Goat could respond Reaper’s voice came over the Comm. “Crow, Goat, I think there’s something coming up on you.” Goat huffed and spoke into his own Comm. “My light is down. I’m sharing with Crow,” he said and looked over at you. He took your light and promptly hooked it back onto your rifle. You gave him a look and heard Reaper again. “Don’t move. I’m on my way.”

“Men; Pinky. Can you see anything?” you asked tensed up ready for a fight. There was a pause, “No. Nothing.” Pinky said and the distinct sound of growling made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Beside you, Goat tensed and turned so you were back to back “Dr. Willits?” he called out into the dark. The growling became louder and then suddenly Goat was screaming; you whipped around and gasped. Taking aim you fire into the monster's back, but not before it bit into Goat’s neck. After you fired the monster howled and tossed Goat aside, turning to you. Gritting your teeth, you fired rapidly but it came at you too quickly. With the strength of an oncoming truck, the monster batted you aside into the sewer wall with a crack.

You screamed out in pain and fell into the water; you faintly heard the monster above you roar. It stepped on your chest, you clamped your mouth shut trying your hardest not to scream. Pulling out your sidearm you lifted your arm out of the water and fired into what you hoped was the creature’s chest. It howled in pain again and then reached down and grabbed you by the throat lifting you out of the water into the air. You tried to gasp for air but none would go to your lungs. Faintly you could hear Sarge yelling at both you and Goat over the Comm. He wanted you to report your location. ‘Would if I could,’ you thought numbly. The creature sniffed the air and brought you closer as if you were buried tressure it had just found.

Gagging, your hand slowly moved to your hip grabbing the hilt of your knife. “Crow!” someone shouted in the distance. You ignored it and pulled the knife from its sheath and with what strength you had left; jammed it right into the monster’s ear into its brain. It made a gurgling sound and dropped you back into the water. “Man down. Man down!” Reaper shouted into his comm.

He ran over to you but you waved him off toward Goat. The Kid took his place and helped you lean up against the concrete wall. “Hey are-are you okay?” he stammered. Coughing hard you nod your head and tried to stumble toward Goat. The kid’s eyes widen, “I don’t think that’s a good idea!” he said just as the others surged onto the scene. Sarge’s eyes were wild and angry; his eyes left Goat and Reaper and flitted over to you. “Report!” he barked. You stood up straighter, ignoring the room’s sudden desire to tilt completely. “Goat and I were back to back when it grabbed him. I fired, but the thing just shrugged it off like it was nothing. Threw me against that wall and pinned me under the water. I managed to pull my sidearm and fired five shots into its center mass. I guess it didn’t like that cause it then grabbed me by the throat and lifted me into the air like I weighed five pounds.” you croaked and winced at the extreme use of your voice.

“This your knife?” Destroyer asked lifting up the body; he was working on shoving it into a black body bag. “Yeah. I’m not into the whole choking thing so…” you trailed off and moved with Reaper as he and Portman began to pass you. “Crow. (Y/N) are you good?” Sarge asked thin-lipped. Stopping you look over your shoulder at him, “Yeah. I just need to get out of this sewer.” you said and quickly moved after your patient. Sarge didn’t miss how your eyes were unfocused, or how you held your arm close to your chest. The blood flowing from your temple and shoulder were also pretty noticeable. But he looked away. If you said you were good, then you were good.

You all must have been a sight because the people gathered in the atrium were becoming restless. With a burst of energy, you moved in front of the group leading the way to the infirmary. Distantly you could hear Sarge order for the evac of personnel through the Ark. You surged through the nanowall and go straight to the supply cabinets on the far wall. Sam moved to ask you what happened but Reaper and Portman flew through the nanowall towards the nearest bed.

“What happened?” Duke asked, eyes wide. “He was talking about devils,” Portman grunted as he and Reaper lifted Goat onto the exam bed. Sam looked perplexed “Devils?” she asked. Portman rolled his eyes, “All his Bible shit. Angels. Good and evil. Devils among us.” he said with a huff. You piled all your supplies onto a tray before rolling it over to the bed. “Let’s get this vest off him,” Reaper said, helping you as you were obviously down an arm. The vest cleared away you motioned for the Kid to come closer. “Keep pressure on his wound,” you ordered and he did as he was told silently with shaking hands. “Got a weak pulse. Portman keep an eye on it for me,” you said, a deep frown etched on your face. Portman placed a couple of fingers on Goat’s neck and kept out of your way. Grimacing you pulled on a pair of gloves with a pained hiss.

“Get a line in.” You ordered Reaper who complied without complaint. You lifted Goats shirt checking for any other potentially life-threatening wounds. Ripping open a packet of gauze with your teeth you placed it on the long deep scratches that covered his abdomen. “How’s his pulse?” you asked and Portman shook his head, “ I’m losing him,” he said. You nodded at Reaper and he quickly traded places with you. You gently moved the Kid’s hands and bent closer to the wound on Goat’s neck. Frowning, you noticed that his blood started to look a lot like Dr. Carmack’s. Pulling out more gauze you packed the wound again and motioned for the kid to place his hands back.

You looked up to the monitor and hissed in frustration. Glancing at Reaper you saw that he was busy sewing up the lacerations on Goat’s stomach. “Sam, give me a shot of adrenaline,” you said without looking away from the heart monitor. It flatlined, “We lost the pulse.” Duke said anxiously. “Okay let’s defib!” you said placing the electrodes on Goat’s chest. “Clear!”

I faintly heard Sarge shouting about Dr. Carmack in the background. The heart monitor beeped but it was gone again a second later. “Damn it! Clear!” you called out again before activating the machine one more time. Nothing. “We’re losing him. Sam, I need that adrenaline!” you shouted as the monitor continued to flatline. “Come on Goat. Clear!” you shouted and Sam came running up with the syringe of adrenaline. Taking it you plugged the syringe into the line that Reaper placed. Pushing the plunger you watched the monitor closely. Nothing; he was gone. Taking a deep breath you looked down and then up at his team. You turned on your heels and shucked your gloves in one swift motion. Wincing you ignored everything around you, the pain, the progressing shouting match between Sarge and Sam, and the sudden guilt of losing Goat.

Unzipping your vest you dump it on an empty table before pulling up a stool. Sitting down you peer into the most reflective surface available; the laceration on your head only looked worse than it really was. Sighing you grabbed some cotton swabs, a bowl of water, and a suture kit. Setting down your haul you dab the first swab into the water and gently clean the drying blood around the cut. The shouting behind you got increasingly louder making your head pound in your ears. Tilting your head just slightly you started to suture the skin back together; that’s when things became quiet again. The sound of footsteps behind you made you pause; glancing into the reflective surface of the tray you were using as a mirror. Reaper walked up to the table you sat at giving you a once over.

“I know I’m not supposed to tell a woman this but, you look like shit,” he said putting his gun down next to your vest. You snort, “Yeah I smell like it too. I think I have a dislocated shoulder, can you help me pop it back in?” you asked looking up at him and he gave you a look that simply read, “Wow.”

“Yeah and I can even sew up that cut on your shoulder,” he said pointing. You whipped your head around too fast and gasped in pain. You closed your eyes to stop you from blacking out completely. Reaper placed a hand on your shoulder steadying you.

“Easy, deep breaths.“ he whispered. After a long moment, you opened your eyes only to meet Reaper’s green ones. “I’m okay,” you breathed; standing up you held up your injured arm. Pursing his lips, Reaper gently moved you so you were up against the table, “Up you get,” he said gently. Sighing you maneuvered with help, up onto the table. Reaper moved so he had a decent angle to pop your arm back in. “Ready?” he asked, looking at you and as soon as you nodded he snapped it back in. Yelping, hissed out a stream of curses that made Portman’s eyes widen across the room.

Reaper couldn’t help but chuckle, you glared at him half-heartedly. “Ow.” was all you said while he smirked at you. “I’m gonna need all kinds of shots when this is over. Sewer water isn’t great on open wounds,” you muttered as Reaper helped lift your shirt over your head. “Ah Crow, why does Reaper get to undress you?” Portman called from the other side of the room. Scowling you opened your mouth to shout at the man child but Reaper beat you to it. “Shut the fuck up Portman, no one will miss you if I decide to shoot you.”

You give the man in front of you a look that clearly said, “Really?” the man in question grimaced. “Sorry,” he muttered. Sighing you slowly turned around on the table so you were sitting criss-cross on top of it. “It’s pretty deep, it’s going to need stitches,” Reaper murmured lowly and started cleaning it. “You know you did everything you could right?” he asked after a brief silence. You tensed up at his words.

“I’m the medic, I should have been able to do something.” you whispered back. Reaper sighed, “Things around here aren’t normal. I’m sure you caught on to that by now.” he said and you felt the numbing spray on your shoulder. “Reaper I couldn’t save him as a medic, and I couldn’t save him as a Marine either. I took too long trying to take...that demon down. Heh demon, how accurate.” you muttered bitterly mind wandering. The sharp jab of a finger into the small of your back made you hiss. Turning slightly you glared at the offender, “I’m not gonna sugar coat it because that would be an insult to you. That being said, I think you were given a shitty hand and made the best with what you had. Goat wouldn’t blame you for any of it, and I think he would be pissed to know you took all the blame. You gotta get over yourself.” he said firmly as he sutured your shoulder. “And please call me John,” he murmured. You chuckled dryly, “You’re right. I can be a bitter bitch later, thanks John,”

You heard a snip and felt him place a bandage gently over the stitches. “It’s no problem, Crow. I’ll be happy to call you out on your shit,” he said with a smirk, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I look forward to it. And John, call me (Y/N), I freaking hate my call sign,” you said turning back around to face him. He handed you your overshirt and cleared his throat nervously. You pulled your shirt back over your head and grabbed your vest just as Sarge walked over to you. “All set?” He asked more gently than you thought possible. “I’m all good. No longer bleeding,” you said with a small smile.

Sarge nodded and watched you walk away towards Sam and Duke, “How is she really?” he asked Reaper. John looked at his C.O. and sighed, “ Bad concussion, cracked maybe some broke ribs. I fixed her dislocated shoulder but it’s obvious she’s in pain. She’s tough though.” he said truthfully. Sarge gave him a knowing look that Reaper glared at, “Shut up, sir.”

Sarge held up his hands and smirked, “I said nothing.”

@thottiewithashotgun

@dw-writes

@lauraaan182

@marvelouslytrekking

#doom 2005 #reaper x reader #slow burn #john grimm #reader insert #ReaperXFemaleReader #john grimm x reader #karl urban

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iicewitch · 5 years ago

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of frost and incantations

a gencore playlist. idea by @glitchedwitch

listen: here on spotify

tracklist:

Seventeen by MARINA Drumming Song by Florence + The Machine Inexplicable by The Correspondents Wriggle by Cosmo Sheldrake Build God, Then We’ll Talk by Panic! At the Disco Policy of Truth by Depeche Mode Are you Satisfied? by MARINA What the Water Gave Me by Florence + The Machine Hermit the Frog by MARINA O my Heart by Mother Mother Under My Skin by Jukebox the Ghost & by Tally Hall Princess by tophamhatkyo Sticks and Stones by The Pierces Donut Hole by Hachi American Beauty/American Psycho by Fall Out Boy Volatile Times by IAMX Angry Sea by Mother Mother Guilty by MARINA No One LIvers Forever by Oingo Boingo Come Away To The Water by Maroon 5 and Rozzi Nobody by Mitski

important lyrics to me for each song under read more:

SEVENTEEN

Could never tell you what happened The day I turned seventeen The rise of a king and the fall of a queen, oh

Never felt like a princess I used to kill myself in this dress That it was just how things Were meant to be Oh, seventeen DRUMMING SONG

But as the water fills my mouth It couldn't wash the echoes out But as the water fills my mouth It couldn't wash the echoes out I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole Until there's nothing left inside my soul As empty as that beating drum But the song has just begun

INEXPLICABLE

Inexplicably high Inexplicably low I think I know what I want, but I don't know where to go And all the while it seems that I'm living in my dreams I'm not in the know (Not in the know) No, not in the know

WRIGGLE

Say there, the jug or the hare? The lift or the stairs? Which will it be for you? How now, big brown cow? The bow or the bough? The spade or the plough for you?

But where will we go When the bell, it tolls for me? Both you and I know When it tolls, well, it tolls for thee

BUILD GOD AND THEN WE’LL TALK

Moonlighting aside, she really needs his money Oh, wonderful caricature of intimacy

There are no... Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains And a few more of your least favorite things

POLICY OF TRUTH

You'll see your problems multiplied If you continually decide To faithfully pursue The policy of truth

You had something to hide Should have hidden it, shouldn't you? Now you're not satisfied With what you're being put through

ARE YOU SATISFIED?

Sad inside, in this life Unsatisfied, praying Sad inside, in this life Unsatisfied, waiting

'Cause it's my problem if I wanna pack up and run away It's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway It's my problem, it's my problem if I feel the need to hide And it's my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die It's my problem, it's my problem on how fast I will succeed WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME And oh, poor Atlas The world’s a beast of a burden You’ve been holding on a long time

Because they took your loved ones But returned them in exchange for you But would you have it any other way? Would you have it any other way? You couldn't have it any other way

HERMIT THE FROG

They call him Hermit the Frog He's looking for a dog Did you find your bitch in me? Oh, you're abominable socially You're just a little bit too much like me Yeah, I feel I'm watered down Whenever he's around I put on the crown of clowns And melt slowly to the ground When my heart just burst like a glass balloon I let it fly too high and it shattered too soon I was the wrong damn girl in the wrong damn room O MY HEART

Oh my heart, it's so damn so cold So damn cold

And I throw my heart into the fire 'Cause I want to set my heart on fire And I watch it try, befriending embers But the ice don't melt in mid-December

UNDER MY SKIN

I can fit two people under my skin Yeah, I can fit two people under my skin And I will prove it if you will listen You crawled up in there, you joined me within

Well, oh no, not a chance in hell Yeah, I've heard you sing, but it ain't too well Heartfelt, yeah,, you meant so well But your song's no good 'round here

You hate each other & you love yourselves It might be heaven & it might be hell Oh the things we do The things we say Oh the things we wish we could wash away Weak & Strong & Wet & Dry & Right & Wrong & Live & Die & Sane & Gone & Love & Not & All the &s that we forgot Princess Two-faced princess causing a ruckus in the community’s circle A psychopath wearing a harmless mask. It’s me! Tired of superficial love Don’t try to control me I’m not your fucking puppet! I have the wings of both an angel and a devil.

STICKS AND STONES

Sun in the sky I am stopping you from burning All we need is stars and moon Clock on the wall I will keep your hands from turning Or this night will end too soon

And I could tell you a witch’s spell But you just might blow your top Then you start to run just as I’m having fun And it’s awfully hard to stop

DONUT HOLE

Not knowing anything at all Well that won’t hurt you will it? Even still, it robs me of sleep. And if you found out I bet you’d laugh I can’t hope on, things that have passed So just give me a figure to bury for certain

AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO

You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out And as we're drifting off to sleep All those dirty thoughts of me They were never yours to keep, keep, whoa

Us, we were pity sex, nothing more and nothing less

VOLATILE TIMES

I imagine all the brutal services Of ancient infidels Of all the wounded and the crying witches

Goodbye my friends Goodbye to the money Adieu to the fuckers that think that it's funny

Every book is read and I'm paralyzed Every fist is clenched, but I'm so tired

ANGRY SEA

I don't want the same disease That everybody's got these days I don't wanna live that way I do not wanna live in pain

It's coming like a big freight train It's spreading like a wild flame You know it's coming all our ways So dig your dirt and make your grave Mamma save me, come on and vaccinate me

GUILTY

Guilty on the run, and I know what I have done Guilty on the run, and I'm never forgiven I was just a kid that you could not forgive because it's harder I was just a kid and all I really wanted was my father

Spent years singing to forget (To forget) I spent years singing "no regret" Then suddenly, it all becomes clear I've been sorry all these years

NO ONE LIVES FOREVER

No one beats him at his game For very long, but just the same Who cares; there's no place safe to hide Nowhere to run—no time to cry So celebrate while you still can 'Cause any second, it may end

COME AWAY TO THE WATER

Come away little lamb Come away to the water To the arms that are waiting only for you Come away little lamb come away to the slaughter To the one appointed to see this through We are calling for you We are coming for you

NOBODY

I just want somebody near me Guess I'm a coward I just want to feel alright And I know no one will save me

I've been big and small and Big and small and Big and small again And still nobody wants me Still nobody wants me

#aes #gene's fanmixes

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fridays--child · 6 years ago

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Chapter 1 - But the darkness holds it all in: figures and flame, beasts and me.

Read on AO3 or Wattpad

After the hubris that followed the Industrial Revolution, scholars and civilians are terrified when a new plague epidemic steadily begins killing off not only their way of life, but their population. When Hedy Leander, a foreign volunteer medic gets posted at Morrigan’s Ranch, a rural farming-turned-resort town that’s one of the few unaffected, she’s expecting a reprieve from the death and disease that clings to the bigger cities. But as things become bleaker, the small community will have to learn what desperation to survive can do to not only to their idyllic existence, but to those they thought to rely on.

“No man is an island, entire of itself.

Each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less…”

Hedy had never been a God-fearing woman. Even in her twelve years of Catholic school, her family had been too involved in science and rationality to believe in an eternal and all-knowing watcher, and church visits were mandated to weddings and funerals. But if there was a big guy up there, presiding over her every movement, after the past few days she highly doubted he’d mind too much if she let herself doze for a few moments.

Her Pa had died. After nearly seventy years in the service of medicine, he finally, quietly, gave in to the very disease he tried to cure. The same infection that was sweeping the country like the locust in Exodus. Or so he likened it to. She had cried all she needed to over her reluctant hero, the man who rarely showed paternal love, but showered her in accolades when she, in some form, began to follow in his career path. And though she felt an ache in her chest, in the dimly lit cathedral, with the air thick and sweet with smoke, it could be so easy to put a hand over her eyes and rest quietly. She had been awake for over twenty-four hours.

“Each man’s death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know

For whom the bell tolls,

It tolls for thee."

"Now, please rise for the final hymn.”

“Yes, he was too involved in mankind, the foolish old man,” Gran muttered filthily, as Hedy gently grabbed her elbow and helped the older woman stand. The tip of her ugly feathered hat hit Hedy’s face and obscured anyone behind her’s view. Hedy hoped the small lace veil she wore hid her blush. “He thought he could play God.”

“I think he just wanted to help.” Hedy responded, nodding politely when some of the other mourners turned around in response to the outburst. True or not, it was too soon to speak ill of the dead. “It was his life’s work, he couldn’t just sit by while this happened.”

“Yes he could of,” she retorted, grabbing her small handbag and rifling through it. The pall-bearers were gathering around to carry the empty casket to the cemetery. “He was too proud of his own intelligence, and too damn stupid to realise he couldn’t outsmart it.”

Hedy nodded, too worn to argue back. Though her Pa had only married her Gran in during her childhood, Hedy had learned early on there was no point taking Elenora Leander on. Her previous two husbands had testified to that.

“It was nice that they chose to honour him here, in the city.” Hedy changed tactics, walking along the green lawn of the adjoining cemetery to where his headstone now stood. Four feet high, the stone featured a winged man holding off a skeletal harbinger. A testimonial to the very arrogance Gran was bitter about.

“Though I guess it was nice that they had a ceremony at all.” Gran sniffed.

It was true, however unfortunate it seemed. The death that was occurring on mass across the company meant that funerals had lost any sense of rarity , any sense of closure. Everyone was mourning. There were no bodies to bury, the government decreed that any person who died from this plague, as well as their clothes and anything they came into contact with during their incubation, was to be burnt and then buried. Pa’s body would have been burnt a week ago, and buried in the mass grave they all pretended was not only a few miles out of the city’s gates. This funeral, with the casket and headstone, was a laughable luxury.

“I suppose this put you out of a job.” Gran retorted, pulling a small vial from her purse. Delicately, she let four drops fall onto her tongue, grimacing slightly as she swallowed. Hedy rounded on her, taking the small vial from her grasp.

“I was out a year before this happened,” she replied, taking a sniff of the concoction. She did not recognise the label on the bottle. “And what is this, Gran?”

“One of your Pa’s students gave this to me, said it would help my nerves today.”

Hedy popped a drop on the back of her hand, looking around to make sure no other funeral attendees were watching. Most had already begun to leave. There was to be no wake, no viewing, and no body to bury. She tentatively licked it off her gloves.

“Gran, this is nothing more than brandy with some lavender in it!” Hedy exclaimed, before licking her hand again. “And maybe some form of opiate.”

“Oh good,” Gran took the bottle back, taking a few more drops for good measure. She placed the small vial daintily back into her handbag and closed the clasp with a sharp snap. “I couldn’t very well bring out a flask, could I? The only thing worse than a drunk widow is a hysterical one.”

Goodbyes at the train station were a short affair. Despite having lived at Morrigan Ranch for the past twenty years, Gran had decided to live in the city, citing she was old and had nothing left at that ‘run down hick town.’ When Hedy had mentioned was worried about her on her own, she snorted. “Sweetheart, worrying is just something we do to feel busy.”

The train ride itself was uneventful. Morrigan’s Ranch was located three hours out from the city, far enough away to feel rural, but close enough for a weekend trip. Originally a small farming town, its rugged, wild beauty, and relative proximity to both the city, and a quaint coastline hotspot, had made it somewhat of a resort town in recent years. The rich and bored came there to experience living off the land, spending a weekend or two with their hands in the soil before they gleefully returned to their life of privilege. Why a woman like Elenora chose to live there in retirement, Hedy would never understand. But she had enjoyed her childhood trips when she was in the country there, where the livestock and people did not mind an overly curious child with the heavy accent bothering them. She hadn’t been there since she was freshly eighteen, and, despite being posted there for work, was looking forward to staying at a place that was, if fadingly, familiar.

The seven-mile trek between the station and Morrigan’s Ranch via carriage was, unfortunately, less pleasant. The weight of nearly forty hours awake was beginning to toll on Hedy, her head throbbing over every bump and ditch. Despite all her recent practice, she had never been a great traveller. The uneven swaying was threatening her to be ill all over her Sunday best and stupid, too small shoes. Cecil, Morrigan’s own preacher and the organiser of her volunteer unit, had apologized profusely. Cars were already a rarity, and, in this time too expensive for the average person to run. Morrigan’s Ranch only had one vehicle in working order, and it was currently in use. Hedy had waved his apology away, but now, groaning and resting her sick head between her legs, she could really curse whoever was selfish enough to take it away from her.

Sitting across from her, Declan blanched slightly at her green complexion. “If you throw up on me, princess, I will throw you from this carriage.” He had a shotgun casually strapped across his back, and unfortunate part of being an escort on the roads in recent months. Firearms had stopped alarming her a long time ago.

Hedy threw him up a hand gesture, swallowing hard at the saliva pooling in her mouth. “As if I haven’t cleaned you up more times than I can count.” When he chuckled, she continued. “Just please tell me we’re fucking close already.”

“We should be.”

In the encroaching darkness, the surrounding forest and shrubbery around Morrigan’s Ranch seemed more overgrown than it was seven years ago. Everything rustled and echoed through the branches, accentuated by the poor horse who was carrying their load’s heavy stomps as they approached the lights glowing in the distance. She could hear voices in the distance, brutal yet cautious, asking questions about their approaching carriage. If she hadn’t gotten used to feeling afraid, she would have been nervous right now. She saw Declan’s hand twitch towards his gun.

“Pull over.”

Their group was met with a small convoy of armed men and woman, their expressions in the dim light dark and questioning. The carriage driver agreed, and Hedy quickly slid out, glad to feel solid ground beneath her swollen feet. However, her relief was short lived, as one gripped her forearm, roughly taking her Pa’s medicine bag, one of her few prized possession, from her grasp. She could hear Declan arguing with another as they began to surround the carriage and began rummaging through the possessions of the other carriage riders. When no one responded, the same voice spoke again.

“Who are you?” She could hear another gun slowly being loaded and cocked.

“My name is Hedy Leander,” Hedy spat, trying to retrieve her medicine bag from out of her aggressor’s reach. She still hadn’t let go of her forearm. “Anton and Elenora’s granddaughter.”

No reply.

“I’m part of the medical team stationed here. If you give me my bag back, I can show you my pass and papers.”

The woman holding her arm looked up to the first voice.

“Samson?”

“Show me.”

Indignantly, Hedy snatched her bag back and quickly retrieved her papers. Beckoning for one of the men holding a lantern to come over, she at last could see where the demanding voice came from. His face was mostly obscured by long dark hair and a beard, with only the tips of his cheekbones and eyes visible in this light. Though she couldn’t see much more of him, or anyone surrounding him, she noticed he might be one of the few men that had been taller than her. He looked at her pass for a long moment, before handing it back. His voice was softer, but no less authoritative, than before.

“Where’s Cecil?”

“Dealing with border control. Trying to get our luggage through quarantine faster.” She shrugged. “I’m only allowed this bag because it’s got medical supplies.”

One of the other party members, a man who was wearing a wide-brimmed hat despite the night sky, stared inquisitively at the man named Samson. He nodded slightly.

“Okay, let’s get you in.”

Tensions slightly decreased, Declan and Hedy walked the remainder of the short trek by foot, with Hedy downright refusing to get on the now-spooked horse’s carriage again. The one with the hat spoke again.

“Sorry about the, uh, showdown there. We’ve had some issues with poachers recently.”

“I understand. I get why you have muscle here.” She motioned to Samson. Hat man chuckled.

“Hedy!”

As they approached the town hall, the only building illuminated by candles despite it being evening, a shrill yet excited voice called out. Hedy found herself in the arms of Moira, who had run to the convoy and promptly enveloped her with a kiss on the forehead. Though she had not known her long, Cecil’s young wife had always been kind, if slightly over-affectionate, to Hedy and the rest of her team.

“Are you alright, darling?” She held Hedy’s face in her hands.

“Yes, thank you Moira. Cecil did a lovely job today.”

“That’s sweet.” She linked arms with Hedy and bought her forward, into the building. “I apologize for the lack of a welcoming party. It must have been hard to find us here in the dark.”

“Do you have electricity here? I thought Gran said it was recently installed.”

Moira nodded. “We do, only in the town hall and a few of the homes who could afford it. It’s hit the skitz, but we only turn the generators on from 6-10pm each night, and then it’s all candlelight.”

Hedy nodded along, tuning out as Moira quickly explained how the village ran. It had been a damn long time since she had been here.

Ave moved as silently as she could, trying to use the wind and night sky to her advantage. Creeping towards the old shed next to the generator, she thought it was ironic that, until only a year or two ago, she was terrified of these forests and what lay in them. She had been raised around a campfire full of tales of wraits and folk in animal skins, who would trick and spirit away those who disturbed their peace. But there was nothing here to be scared of, she knew. The only scary thing out here were the men who tried to steal from them.

Finally reaching the shed, she quickly took a peek at the generator, before removing the loose glass in one of the windows and wriggling her way in. Ave had heard that poachers had been seen in the area scouting for food, and when their trusty generator had broken down a few days later, she could only assume they were the culprits. She had spent too much fucking time, covered in muck, growing those vegetables for them to be stolen by lazier men.

Ave didn’t have to wait long for her suspicions to be confirmed. Raising herself slightly, she peered through the shed window at the two men approaching. She couldn’t recognise either of them, and as they reached the generator, she knew they weren’t a welcome member of their little community.

“The idiots haven’t fixed this yet, think we’re still good?”

“Yeah, should be. You start here, I’ll check one of the other sheds. See where they stock their produce before we go for the livestock.”

Fingers nimble despite her building rage, Ave quickly tested the sharpness of her arrow before loading it into her bow. The poacher had disappeared, and she flattened herself against the wall, pressing her ear to the thin shield between them. She could hear him circle the shed, and as he rattled the knob of the long-broken door, she cocked her bow. Despite herself, she jumped and swore when a fist smashed through the window she had entered through and knocking over a ladder.

The poacher, hearing her, paused for a moment at her outburst. Ave bit her lip, praying that if she stopped breathing it would still her furiously beating heart. She was certain he could hear the violent rattle of it through the heavy silence. Curiously, he raised a lantern to the glassless window.

“What do we have here?”

She lined up a shot, hitting his shoulder.

“You fuck!” His hands reached for his holster at his hips, but she was much faster. Aiming blindly, she closed her eyes and hoped for impact.

Luck was on her side that day. Foolishly, she dared not open her eyes, but strained her ears as she heard him stumble, before a heavy weight hit the ground. Ave counted to sixty three times in silence, before tempting to move again.

She wasn’t sure how long he’d be incapacitated, and at this point, she did not want to find out. Moving as stealthily as she could, she eased herself through the now shattered window and pawed her way to his body. The lantern lay discarded, but it’s light spilled over the man’s spreadeagled body. Tentatively, she placed two fingers on the pulse point of his wrist, relieved yet sickly annoyed at the slow, steady thump that showed life. Moving quickly, she liberated him of his pistol, throwing her bow and arrows back through the window of the shed.

Pulling the safety off with shaky fingers, Ave pointed the gun to the sky and pulled the trigger. Twice. Then she ran like all hell.

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Notes:

Hi! Okay, so posting this is terrifying, but here it is in all it's rough, dirty, and unedited glory. I've had this story floating around my brain for about four years, and chronic illness has finally given me time to write it. I haven't written for fun in about 84 years, so hopefully it isn't fucking terrible. There's about 15 chapters planned so far, so there should be an update once a week.

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Credits: The title comes from 'Rilke’s Book Of Hours: Love Poems To God: The Book of the Monkish Life p. April 1905,' by Rainer Maria Rilke. The reading during the funeral is Meditation XVII Devotions upon Emergent Occasions,' by John Donne.

#pestilence #WIP: Pestilence #writeblr #tumblr writer #my writing #fiction #original work

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