#GET Y'ALL REQUESTS READY IT'LL BE HAPPENING /SOON/

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

cries softly I'M JUST READY TO OPEN THE ASKBOX DANGIT

not that I don't enjoy/not looking forward to what I have left... but I wish it was already done so I have new things to write!! or at least imagine writing lol

sometimes I have things sitting on my list for so long that the more I look at it, I'm imagining it more, and then it gets. idk. kinda like the equivalent of my brain chewing a piece of gum for a long time till it can't taste flavor anymore??

my brain is like "well I've already thought about it for a while, now you wanna actually write it down??? lol no" BRAIN WHY

like

does that make sense or am I just nuts XD

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part eight (chapter 22-24) previous part • next part

word count: 6.8k

content warnings: mentions of su*cide homophobia self-h*rm

Lily

Kelsey, Kayla and I had met for lunch and were sat together in the cafeteria waiting for Paige and the girls to finish their workout.

"How many follow requests do you have now?" Kelsey asks peering over my shoulder as I scroll on my phone.

"I think it's at like twelve thousand." I say as I navigate to Instagram to check, "Twelve thousand, one hundred and sixty three." I confirm.

Paige tagged me in a story for the first time this morning and after the pictures and videos of us after the game came out, of course people have been curious as to who I am. I have a private page so all people can see is my profile picture and that induces enough anxiety I know I'm not ready for them to see my whole feed just yet.

"You're going to be famous! Have you seen the TikTok edits?" My roommate asks, practically bouncing in her seat.

"Yes, but have you seen the comments?" My stomach flips at the memory of last night.

I stayed off of social media for as long as possible after the game just to avoid the initial reaction to Paige and me but as soon as I went on TikTok, I was inundated. Despite everyone telling me to not open the comments, I did and I couldn't stop scrolling once I started.

Of course there were nice comments too but the ones that stood out, the ones that have stayed in my head have been the nasty ones. A lot of people have enjoyed telling me how ugly and disgusting I am, how I don't deserve Paige and how she could do so much better.

"Girl, you have to ignore those. They're coming from literal children that are jealous. Do you know how much hate I got when I first started hanging out with the team?" Kayla chimes in.

"Does it get any better?" I half laugh, half huff hoping her answer is yes.

"Once they realise you're not going anywhere, it'll ease up. It's part and parcel of WAG life unfortunately, someones always going to want to be you." Kayla says and I'd be lying if I said the haters weren't planting seeds of doubt in my mind about whether I'm strong enough for this.

"I couldn't workout multiple times a day! I don't know how they do it." Kelsey lightens the mood as she nibbles on her cookie.

"Me either." I agree and gulped down the remainder of my water hoping it would ease the sudden headache that I had.

I got up to refill my bottle and was hit with a random wave of intense dizziness. If it wasn't 1PM on a Tuesday you'd think I was drunk.

"Your neck is kinda red Lils." Kayla says pointing towards my neck as I joined her and Kelsey again.

My hand instinctively goes to my neck and its warm to the touch and slightly itchy and that's when I realise what's happening.

"Shit!" I exclaim grabbing the empty salad box from the table in front of me and I scan the ingredients list frantically.

"What's happening?" Kayla asks leaning towards me.

"I think I'm having an allergic reaction. Actually...I know I'm having an allergic reaction." I breath out in jagged breaths as I start to panic but also because I was most likely going into anaphylaxis.

"Holy fuck!" Kelsey exclaims, standing up, "Where's your EpiPen?"

"In my bag." I tell her and I suddenly feel extremely sick and as if I'm about to faint.

My body temperature is rising and I feel disoriented and confused.

Kelsey hands me my EpiPen and I administer it they way I was taught. Removing the blue safety cap and quickly jabbing it into to my thigh, but my lightheadedness only increases and I know for sure I'm about to faint.

Paige

The doors to the gym swing open and smack into the wall causing us to all turn and see who had made such a loud entrance.

"Kelsey?" I say confused as Lilys best friend hurries in the gym, "I know I said I'd meet y'all and one o'clock but I'm not that late." I laugh glancing at the time and seeing it's only ten past the hour.

Kelsey shakes her head as she reaches me breathless, "It's not that. It's Lily, we had to call 911."

It feels as though I've been hit by a truck, my knees go weak and almost buckle beneath me and I felt vomit rise in my throat.

"What?!" I exclaim, scrambling to grab my phone from the floor to check if I'd missed anything, "What happened?"

"She had a reaction. We think she ate something containing nuts, the ambulance is on the way." Kelsey explains and I look towards my teammates almost as though I was stuck in place, unable to move.

"Go!" Nika urges throwing me the t-shirt she had over her shoulder because I was dressed in just a sports bra and shorts after our workout.

I catch the shirt and hurry after Kelsey out of the gym.

"Text me!" Azzi calls after me and I don't have time to reply, I'm just focused on getting to Lily as quickly as possible.

The usual quick walk from the gym to the cafeteria felt like it took hours even when I was running. I finally see the ambulance as Kelsey and I rounded the corner and the sight of the vehicle calmed me slightly knowing Lily was in safe hands.

"Lily?" I called out as we jogged into the cafeteria, although I don't know why, I didn't expect her to respond. From what Kelsey had said, she was in a bad way.

"Oh my god, Lily." When I see her, she's already laid on a stretcher, an oxygen mask secured over her mouth and nose, her is sleeve rolled up and there's an IV connected to her arm.

Her eyes are in an inbetween state of half opened and half closed, she looks as though she's just falling asleep or waking up.

"Is someone coming in the ambulance?" The paramedic asks looking at all of us around Lily.

"Me." I say on impulse.

"I'll follow in my car." Kayla says gathering her belongings.

I follow behind the paramedics wheeling Lily to the ambulance and pull the shirt Nika gave me over my head.

"Is she going to be OK?" I timidly ask the paramedics as they load Lily into the ambulance.

"She administered the adrenaline quickly so she'll be fine. With anaphylaxis, there can be a biphasic response, a secondary reaction, so it's best to be at the hospital in case that happens."

"Paige..." I hear Lilys low, muffled voice call out my name.

"Hey, I'm here." I say tenderly reaching for her hand as the ambulance begins to drive.

Her eyes are still heavy and hooded and if I didn't know better, I'd think she was drunk or high. She tries to pull down her oxygen mask, "Keep that on pretty girl, it's helping you." I say moving her hand away.

The journey to the hospital was quick and mostly silent apart from my words of encouragement to my girlfriend. Her eyes would flicker open every now and then and she'd squeeze my hand, communicating without words.

We were put in a room as soon as we arrived and multiple doctors and nurses bustled in and out tending to Lily.

I listen intently to each thing they said. Lily was being treated with more adrenaline, oxygen and fluids intravenously. She would make a full recovery.

"We'd like to keep you here for a few hours, Miss Kent. Just to monitor your condition and ensure there isn't a secondary reaction. Your blood pressure is increasing so you should start to feel normal again soon." The nurse says to Lily before excusing herself, leaving us alone.

"How are you feeling?" I ask walking over to Lilys bedside.

She pulls down the oxygen mask and I let her this time, "Better." She says, her voice weak and childlike.

"Good because you had me scared me for a second." I say smoothing down her hair.

"I was scared too." She tells me and she begins to silently cry, tears running down her face. "I've always had a pretty good handle on my allergy, this made me feel so...out of control."

"Oh Lily," I say wiping her tears as they fall, "accidents happen baby. You handled it exactly the way you should have. I'm proud of you." I tell her wrapping her in a hug as best I could while she was laid down and I was stood over her.

"I'm usually so careful with checking ingredients but I must have missed something." She continues and pushes herself up slightly so she's sitting.

"I know, but you're OK Lily," I reassure her, my hand cupping her cheek, "you can't blame yourself, things get missed sometimes and we can't help that, we just have to deal with it and you did."

"I don't even remember what happened clearly. I just remember my head hurting so bad and then all of a sudden I was on a stretcher with this mask on and you were there, with no shirt on." She weakly jokes raising her brows cheekily, "I think that's what brought me back to life."

I laugh, "Still got a sense of humour, I see. I worked hard on these abs, glad to know they're saving lives."

"Maybe if you flash them again, we'll get out of here quicker."

"Or maybe you're blood pressure will raise too much and we'll be here all night, so relax please."

Lily was discharged from hospital four hours later, with two new EpiPens and antihistamines that she needed to take for the next few days.

Kayla drove us all back to campus and dropped me off with Lily and Kelsey at their apartment.

"Thank you, K." Lily says as we climb out of the car.

"No worries, Lil. Get some rest." Kayla replies and waves us goodbye.

"I don't think I can even make it to the apartment, my legs feel like jello." Lily says holding onto my arm in support.

"I don't don't spend hours in the gym for nothing." I say crouching down in front of her so I could give her a piggyback ride, "Hop on."

Lily climbs on my back and I carry her into the apartment block and into the elevator. We follow Kelsey through the front door and I lower Lily onto her bed.

"What would I do without you?" She says reaching out for me.

"Don't even think about that, you've got me." I say and we lay side by side on her bed in comfortable silence.

"So how about seeing those abs." Lily says after a while, her hand trailing up under my shirt and I laugh.

"Anything for you."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I was finally starting to feel better after my allergic reaction a few days ago and just starting to get back to normal again after taking time off work and away from classes to recover.

I've always been extremely careful with my allergy, taking extra care when I eat out to make sure everything is safe and up until now I've managed to never have such a severe reaction so in a way I felt like I have failed. I couldn't keep myself safe. I couldn't do the one thing that really matters and it scared me. What if it happens again? And even worse, what if I'm alone when it happens? I was lucky to have my friends by my side this time. I was used to being in control and being so out of control wasn't something I wanted to experience again.

I force myself to stop thinking so negatively because that never ends well and I walk out of my bedroom and into our living room. All my roommates were out so I was home alone, not that I minded much.

Every surface was home to a beautiful bunch of flowers, gifted to me by my friends, people I worked with and of course Paige. Paiges bouquet was the most extravagant and took pride of place in the centre of our dining table. I smiled as I passed the full vases feeling very thankful for my friends and girlfriend.

I had held off calling home and telling my parents about my hospital visit because I knew it would turn into a lecture of some kind but Thanksgiving was coming up and I needed to know our plans because I'd be going back to Boston for a few days.

I settled myself into the couch, pulling a fluffy blanket over the bottom half of my body and pressed call on my moms contact. The dialling tone rang and rang and rang until I was eventually met with her answering machine. I decided to try my dad and I just as I thought he wasn't going to pick up either, at the last second he did.

"Hello, Lily." My dads voice spoke stern and serious as always through my phone.

"Hi, Dad. I tried to call Mom but I got her voicemail. Is everything OK? I wanted to talk to you both." I say.

"Your mother is here with me now."

Weird.

"Oh, why didn't she pick up?" I ask confused. If my mom wasn't busy then why had she avoided my call?

I hear my moms muffled voice through the phone but I can't quite make out what she is saying but her tone didn't sound happy.

"Dad?"

"Lily, listen. You're mother has been seeing stuff online. About you. You...and a girl. Another girl."

My entire body freezes as my dad speaks and I feel my heart rate spike.

Why did this sound like a problem?

"Right..." I say wanting my dad to continue with whatever point he was trying to make.

"You said you wanted to leave Boston for a fresh start and it seems nothing has changed." My dads words hit like knives.

"I-I left for a fresh start because I tried to kill myself. I didn't come to Connecticut for conversion therapy. I came to move on from everything that happened." I croak out as my mouth has completely dried up and it feels as though my throat is closing.

My mom continues to speak but I still can't make out her words, "You speak to her then, Jackie." My dad says as I hear my mom huff and the phone being passed over.

"If you left to move on then why are you still living the same way? With this- this Paige girl! And so publicly! It's like you want the entire world to know. The entire world does know! It's all anyone asks me about. It makes me sick." My mom shouted at me to the point of breathlessness.

I felt blindsided. I was so confused. My parents had been fine with me and my ex, they were happy for me to come to Connecticut.

"I don't understand where this has come from. You had no problem with me and Mia-"

"We didn't know about you and Mia until it was over and Mia...she's turned her life around. We thought you would have too." My mom continues her rant and all my emotions begin to blend into one, there are tears streaming down my face but I've never been angrier.

"What do you mean 'turned her life around'?" I ask although I know exactly what she meant.

"She's fixed. Whatever you had with her was just a phase and rightly so! She has a handsome boyfriend now and is very happy." My mom solidifies my assumptions and I feel sick to my stomach.

"And I'm very happy with my beautiful girlfriend." I say trying to steady my voice to not make it obvious that I was crying.

My mom lets out a ridiculous child-like cry as if I'd just died.

"Lily that's enough. You're making your mom upset." My dads voice comes through the phone again and I laugh in irony.

"I was calling about Thanksgiving plans and to tell you guys I had a bad reaction and was in the hospital." I spit, anger laced in my words.

"She's not coming back here for Thanksgiving. Everyone knows!" My moms voice rings out clear and unforgiving.

"Jackie-" My dad begins to reason but I end the call before I hear anything more.

I didn't need to hear anything more.

I sit lifeless on the couch just staring ahead so many thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of me but simultaneously feeling completely numb and void of emotion.

What had just happened?

I moved robotically back to my room, my phone still clutched in my hands as if I was waiting for my dad to call me back and apologise for what had been said but I knew all too well that that wouldn't happen. I knew my parents too well. I was stupid to believe they were OK with who I was in the first place but did they really think that coming to Connecticut would somehow change who I loved?

I stood in my bedroom contemplating what to do. That phone call had changed everything. My mom had made it clear that I wasn't welcome at home. Home. Could I even call it that anymore? Just as things were beginning to plateau, just as I was starting to genuinely feel happy again, it felt like someone was playing a sick joke on me.

I felt the overwhelming urge to cope with this in the only way I knew how to cope with anything that hurt me mentally and that was to feel it physically.

Paiges words from weeks ago played on repeat in my head as I searched my room for something to hurt myself with.

"If you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

I began to get frustrated as my frantic search was proving pointless. I had purposely not brought anything to Connecticut that I could use because I was determined to stay clean and not relapse but that felt like an impossible task right now.

I moved my search to the kitchen, I knew there'd be something there.

"If you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

I opened random drawers as if I hadn't lived in the apartment for months and knew exactly where everything was but my head was a mess and I couldn't think straight.

I finally found the drawer I'd set out to find, filled with utensils.

"If you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

My vision was significantly blurred by tears now, I blinked rapidly to clear the haze and reached into the drawer. My hand shook as I picked up the small but sharp knife.

"If you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

I knew deep down this wasn't the right thing to do. This isn't what I wanted to do, but when you're so used to doing something and so used to it being a release, it becomes addictive. A habit that becomes unbreakable.

"If you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

I wanted to drop the knife and call Paige and ask her to come here right now and just hold me and tell me everything would be OK but my hands wouldn't release there grip and my brain was telling me Paige had better things to do.

Paige

I had almost finished studying for the evening, my eyes were tired from focusing on a screen for so long and my body ached from today's workout but I continued typing. My phone was switched to Do Not Disturb but as it rang from its place on my nightstand, I knew it was Lily because she was the only contact that could override my settings.

"Hi, pretty girl." I say and smile knowing that hearing Lilys voice would quickly diffuse any negative feeling that had built up during the day.

"Paige," Lilys voice came out hoarse and strained and my smile immediately faded, "can you come to mine...please?" She asks.

"Yes. I'm on my way." I say without a second thought, leaving my laptop open, music playing and just grabbing my keys.

"Thank you." Lily replies so quietly that I can just about make it out over the sound of my own rushed footsteps.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I leave my apartment and rush down the stairs to my car. I could tell by Lilys voice alone that something was wrong and every second of silence intensified my concern.

"Lily?" I question when she doesn't reply.

"I-I just need you." She says, her voice breaking in the process.

"OK, I'm coming baby. I'm in my car. Stay on the phone." I say as I start the engine and begin the short drive to Lilys apartment.

I try to ask questions that could at least hint at what was wrong but Lilys responses were short and didn't tell me much. I could just tell that she'd been crying or was currently crying and I stepped on the gas to get to her as quickly as possible.

"I'm outside Lily, let me in." I say once I reach the door of her apartment building. I hear her footsteps shuffle along the floor before the familiar buzz of the door being unlatched.

I take the stairs two at a time, any aches from today's workout long forgotten and once I reach Lilys floor and see she's stood in her open doorway, only then do I end the call.

I was right, Lily had been crying, her eyes were red and swollen and her cheeks were stained with tears, "What happened?" I ask, concern laced in my voice as I approach her, my arms instinctively wrapping around my girlfriend, holding her close.

Lily steps back still in my arms until we're stood in her living room and the door closes behind us.

"Lily, I'm worried."

"I-I don't know how to say it." Her voice is muffled against my chest.

"You can tell me anything." I say pulling away so I can look in her eyes as I reassure her, "You know that right? You can tell my anything."

She nods, "I thought I was doing well. I was doing well." Tears immediately fell as she began to speak.

"What happened?" I'm aware I sound like a broken record but I need to know what happened to get Lily in this state.

"I spoke to my parents. I was going to tell them about my reaction and see what our plans were for Thanksgiving but before I could do any of that...they- they attacked me over the phone. They've seen pictures of us online. They thought me being gay was a phase. They thought coming here would 'fix' me. Apparently my ex is 'fixed' and has a boyfriend now and I'm not welcome at Thanksgiving. I make them sick." She rambles out inbetween choked sobs.

At some point during that, we'd made our way to the couch and I sat beside Lily, her hand clutched in mine.

"Lily...what the fuck. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this." I say wiping her tears as they slip down her face.

"I didn't know what to do Paige. I was thinking everything and nothing all at once. I couldn't process anything, I still can't. I-" She cuts herself off, unlinking her hand from mine and holding her head in her hands.

"You what Lily? What did you do?" I ask scooting to the edge of the couch, trying to get her to look at me again.

"I know you said to call you. To come to you but I couldn't think straight my head was a mess."

She doesn't have to say anymore for me to understand what she's getting at.

"Did you hurt yourself?" I ask tentatively.

Keeping her head in her hands, she just nods.

"Oh Lily." I say and wrap my arm around her shoulders pulling her close to me again. I press my lips to her head in comfort as she cries into my chest.

"I need you to show me baby."

"No. No way." Lily says and jumps away from me as if I'd just given her an electric shock.

"I need to make sure you're OK. I need to check incase you need to go to the ER." I say softly reaching out for her again.

It takes some persuading but Lily finally allows me to check her arm. I wince at the sight but don't make it obvious to her. I use the apartments First Aid box to clean and bandage the wound.

"There you go." I say once I'm done and Lily quickly rolls down her sleeve. Her eyes didn't once leave the wall directly in front of her and her movements were robotic.

"I'm sorry." Lily says as I return to her side after putting the First Aid box away.

"For what pretty girl?"

"For all of this mess. I'm a mess and you have to deal with it. I'm sorry for that." She says and I swear I hear my heart break.

"Never apologise to me, Lily. I love you and I'd do anything for you. You mean everything to me and I just want you to be OK."

"I don't think I'll ever be OK, Paige. Every time I try, I think I'm doing good then something happens and ruins it."

"Nothings ruined Lily. You're trying, you try everyday and I'm so proud of you. This is just a lapse and they happen and it's OK. We dust ourselves off and try again. Self-harm is an addiction and it's not easy to overcome but you're not alone. I'm glad you called me. I'm glad I'm here with you now. We can get through this together." I tell her now looking directly into her eyes, one hand stroking her face.

"I love you so much." She says leaning into me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"I love you." I reply wrapping my arms around her too.

I take Lily to bed not long after and she lays her head on my chest and I stroke her hair rhythmically.

"I think that's it with my parents." She says after a prolonged silence.

"For real?" I ask, wanting Lily to talk more and not wanting to put words in her mouth.

"Yeah. If they can't accept me for who I am, I won't change myself to make them happy and I won't live a lie. Coming here and meeting you has been the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I won't let nothing or nobody ruin that." She says.

"I really am sorry, Lily. I'm sorry your parents said all those things. You deserve so much more. I'll give you what you deserve. I'll give you the world."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Paige

The season was in full swing and it would be and understatement to say I was feeling it. After just two games, one win, one loss, I was exhausted. I worked ridiculously hard over the summer to make sure I was fully recovered to ensure I had an injury free season. What I had failed to realise is that my body forgot what it was like to be playing for almost forty minutes straight but I was living my dream, getting to play basketball at this level has been something I've strived for my whole life so I'll never complain.

We were playing Maryland today at Gampel and the team was due to meet at the venue in thirty minutes so I was picking up Lily an afternoon coffee and would drop it off to her before I had to go and warm up.

She had had a difficult few days, between the allergic reaction, horrible phone call with her parents and relapsing, I'm surprised the girl was even able to go into work today. She was strong and I admired her for it. I just wish she would open up to me more and let me be there for her in the way I want to be. I felt inexperienced in this relationship, I've never had someone close to me suffer with their mental health like Lily does so I've been talking to my friends and reading article after article so I know the right thing to do.

The common consensus is to just keep making it abundantly clear that I'm there for Lily whenever she needs me and I already do that and will continue to.

The line in the cafè wasn't long so it didn't take me long to order and recieve Lily's usual - an iced soy milk latte - and be on my way to her office.

I knocked lightly on the door, "Come in." Lilys voice came from the otherside soft and light, a huge difference to what it has been like in recent days.

I peep my head around ther door and see Lily is alone in the room, "Hi, pretty girl." I say and walk inside and her facial expression changing from one of deep concentration to a soft, sweet smile. "Hi, P." She says getting up from her seat and greeting me with a hug.

She had her glasses on and I got lost in her appearance for second. Lily rarely wore her glasses, she only needed them when she was working at a computer so she looked different but I wasn't complaining.

"I brought you coffee." I say presenting her the drink and her smile grows, "Thank you, it's definitely needed." She says taking a sip immediately and moaning at the taste, my cheeks flush at the sound but Lily's oblivious to her effect.

"I don't know how you're drinking an iced drink in the middle of November." I shake my head as lean against Lilys desk.

"Iced coffee is superior, whatever the climate." She says matter of factly and I can only smile at her little quirk.

"How are you feeling today?" I ask more seriously.

Lily nods, "I'm OK. Been better." She says.

"And you'll get there again." I tell her reaching out to take her hand and pull her closer to me.

"I know. Just weird I'm an orphan now." She tries to joke but her eyes tell a different story.

"Your parents might come round. You're their daughter above everything, I'm sure they love you. They won't want to lose you."

"Maybe," She sighs, "but I won't ever put myself around people that can't accept me for who I am and on top of that, abuse me for it. Until they apologise and are able to just support me, I don't want to see them."

"I understand. You have to put yourself first and I'll be right by your side." I reiterate what I've been telling Lily from the beginning, she's not alone.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you." She says leaning into me and I take this as my chance to wrap my arms around her and hold her close, taking in her signature floral scent.

"You deserve everything good in life Lily and if I can contribute to that, I'm happy." I say to my girlfriend.

"You better contribute to the win today. I wanna see nothing but threes." She smiles up at me, lightening the conversation.

"You ask and you shall receive." I say moving my hands to her waist and turning us in one swift movement so Lily's body is now pressed between mine and the desk behind her.

"You know," I say moving back slightly letting my eyes trail down her frame, "you look good at this desk and with these glasses on. Very professional."

"Yeah?" She smirks, her hand reaching out for the chain she bought me around my neck.

"Uh huh. Shame you're not wearing one of those little skirts you have." My hand grazes her thigh over her trousers.

"A terrible shame." She agrees, shaking her head.

"You know for next time." I tuck her hair behind her ear and press a quick kiss to her lips.

"I should get to warm ups." I say pulling away realising the time.

"Ugh P," She huffs, "you really know how to get me flustered and then just leave." She pouts, her cheeks visibly rosy.

"Just imagine how boring life would be without me." I smile and blow her a kiss from the doorway before leaving.

Lily

Watching Paige play basketball was quickly becoming my favourite thing to do. Even though I was technically working, I was enjoying getting to watch my girlfriend pace up and down the court, shooting the ball into the basket and making blocks that didn't seem possible until she executed them perfectly leaving not only me, but the entire crowd in awe.

I couldn't help myself from jumping to my feet and cheering each time the team increased their lead.

"How are these questions for post game?" Marcus asks me during halftime, angling his laptop towards me.

I skim over the typed out questions and nod my head encouragingly, "They're great! You always have the perfect mix of basketball and personal questions that get the girls talking." I compliment.

"Thank you, Lils. I try and make it as relaxed as possible."

"This is perfect to end on." I say pointing to one question in particular.

'With Thanksgiving break approaching, what's something you're thankful for?'

"The next newsletter going out is Thanksgiving themed so I thought it was a good fit." Marcus says just as the girl filter back onto the court for the next quater.

As I took pictures and videos of the third quater, I thought of Marcus' question and what Paiges answer would be. She was almost always picked to do media and with the game she was having I knew it would be a no brainer.

Knowing Paige, I was certain she would mention her family, the team and God. Paige showed immense gratitude everyday in everything she said and did and she was humble when most people in her position would be the exact opposite.

My suspicions were verified post game when it came to Paiges answer however I was also left in a state of shock when she said something I could have never guessed.

"With Thanksgiving break approaching, what's something you're thankful for?" Marcus asked as I stood next to him, my phone in my hand, recording just the audio as that's all that was required.

"The same as every year, I'm immensely thankful for my family and friends - everyone around me that pushes me to be the best version of myself. I'm thankful for my team, that I get to play with some of the best people everyday and we get to live out our dreams together. I'm especially thankful for my health this year, I'll never take that for granted again and none of that would be possible without my belief in God and his belief in me." Paige pauses and glances in my direction and I'm smiling not only at her perfectly articulated answer but because of how well I know her. "And to wrap it up, I'm thankful for the person I have by my side - my girlfriend. Her selflessness and strength inspires me everyday." Paige finishes, her eyes still locked on mine.

What did she just say?

"Thank you, Paige and again, congratulations on the win." Marcus concludes the interview and I press stop on the audio recording.

"Paige." I breathe out, lost for words.

Marcus slips away quietly, leaving us alone, "What? I couldn't list off what I'm thankful for without mentioning you." She says smoothing over her ponytail.

I'm smiling so big my face begins to ache, "You realise that's going in the newsletter? You realise what that means?" I ask insinuating the obvious but not verbalising it.

Paige had never spoken on her sexuality or relationship status publicly, ever. We post on socials openly now and don't hide our affection in public but a label has never been mentioned, we could just be close friends if you didn't know us personally.

"Yes." Paige says simply.

I was of the mindset that no one needed to 'come out'. Straight people didn't so why did anyone else but I know in Paiges world, things were a little different but maybe I was wrong for thinking Paige preferred keeping things inconspicuous and lowkey.

I also only had my previous relationship as a comparison and that was kept a secret until the very end and I was always made to feel like the world would crash and burn if anyone found out. I wasn't used to being loved so openly.

"I love you so much." I say to Paige but I wish there was a word bigger than love.

"I love you too. And I've been thinking about Thanksgiving." She says and my mood drops slightly at the mention of the holiday. I'd be spending it here on campus, probably alone.

"What about it?"

"I want you to come home to Minnesota with me." She says shocking me for the second time in mere minutes.

"Paige...Thank you, but I couldn't- I couldn't just come and impose on your family like that." I say genuinely. There's nothing more that I'd love than to spend Thanksgiving with the person I'm most thankful for but I'd feel like an intruder.

"Lily, are you joking? My family loves you. I've already spoken to them about it, you're more than welcome and actually, Drew can't wait to see you. You're not going to crush his little heart, are you?" She says dramatically.

"Paige do not use your little brother like that." I frown.

"I'm not! He for real can't wait to see you." Paige insists.

"I'll think about it." I pacify as some of the team start to exit the changing rooms, freshly showered.

"Think quick and let the answer be 'Yes Paige, I'll come to Minnesota with you'. I'm going to clean up, meet you out front in fifteen?" She says and I nod in response.

I use the time Paige takes to shower to pop back to my office and upload the last of the behind the scenes storys from todays game and send the audio recordings to myself so I can transcribe them tomorrow.

"So...Marcus told me what Paige said in media." Kayla says slipping into my office.

"Did he now?"

"Yep! You have her so smitten it's adorable." She says smiling.

"It is pretty adorable." I say relishing in the feeling.

Kayla and I chat for a few minutes before I pack up my stuff and go to meet Paige.

"So?" Paige says with her brows raised as I approach her and I smile at her eagerness.

"Yes Paige, I'll come to Minnesota with you." I repeat the words she wanted to hear and watch as her lips curve upwards and open to reveal a huge grin and she picks me up and spins us around.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[anonymouspuzzler]

Yay Yipee I Finally Remembered I Should Update Folks On Things That Are Happening

because hey whoops as some of you might remember Supposedly I Stream Sometimes! That Uhhhh Hasn't Happened In A While Has It! so I should probably let folks know what's goin' on!! the long and the short of it is

Around late November/early December I started having issues where Discord would crash and restart anytime I tried to screenshare my capture software with my friends who I stream with. This put console game streams (so 2/3 of the games we were streaming) on the backburner till I could troubleshoot and solve that issue

On top of that it was Fucking Finals Season for me at my Graduate School so at a certain point I had to be responsible and focus on getting my final projects & essays done, which meant sacrificing stream time till my break (where I would hopefully have time to troubleshoot and then do a ton of streaming to make up for lost time)

Except THEN literally the second I went home for the holidays my hard drive abruptly and completely died. It is very possible that this contributed to the aforementioned tech issues

I was able to replace the drive and get my computer working again but because I have a Fucking Curse a lot of tech-side things were lost or started experiencing issues due to the new drive, namely A) I haven't been able to get my capture software working yet and B) whoops my entire OBS layout is just gone now I guess

This whole saga, on top of juggling other life shit and work and the like, effectively ate up my entire winter break

so tl;dr! I have a computer curse and because of it streams are gonna have to wait till I can get both OBS and my capture software working again. I'm hoping to work on that this weekend so I can be back to streaming next week, but given my school & job workload I'm guessing it'll more likely be two or three weeks. On top of that, I won't be streaming most of March due to reason of "my partner is visiting then". all of this sucks cause I want to be streaming, both for reason of "i like spending time with my good friends doing this" and "haha whoops I'm not earning money now and oh boy there sure are a lot of expenses flying at my head like rocks huh".

I've already rambled a bit more than I'd like to now so here's da main points:

Streams will (HOPEFULLY) be back in February. When they are, they'll be Monday & Tuesday nights, 5:30pst/8:30est, for as long as my friends remain available at those times (we're all adults having to look for or maintain Day Jobs so availability could change. y'all know how it is). I may also do occasional one-off streams on weekends as my energy 'n schedule permits, most likely art streams

I'll continue to be around on Holly's streams Fri/Sat/Sun as her schedule permits, because I don't have to rebuild OBS from the ground up for that

There is a 99.99% chance I'll be totally absent stream-wise during March

Even though streams are facing The Troubles I am still taking art commissions! Those haven't been affected!! You can submit an interest form here and I'll reach out to confirm prices as soon as I'm ready to start work on yours

If, out of the kindness of your heart, you would like to toss some support my way during The Troubles (which would be much appreciated; as said I've got a lot of expenses coming my way and unfortunately my day job covers my rent and nothing more), here are some other ways you can do so: -- Tip me on Ko-Fi; if you pay $9 or more you can request a doodle that I'll do for you and post on here & twitter (and might stream the process of drawing once that's up and running again). Here's an example of some Ko-Fi doodles I did previously -- You can also tip through my stream page if you want but I probably won't see those till I start streaming again. Still appreciated!!! -- I have a Throne Wishlist that's mostly stuff like kitchenware, household goods, stuff for my kitty, etc. There's also a few Fun Things though, like vinyls and a billy big bass Jay insisted I add. Either way, if you wanna contribute to something on there it means a lot. You can also suggest items to make me laugh

an' above all: thank you for reading and for bein' around!!

[because-of-a-friend]

Seventeen Reaction: You Suddenly Being Shy

MASTERLIST

Thanks for the request anon! Hope you like it!!!!

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

He thinks is the cutest thing in the world and he also cannot believe he has that kind of sway over you. He's like????? They're shy around me?????? He'll do a lot of cute little things to try and get you to relax around him and be more comfortable being yourself around him. When you're not super close, he'll do random things to make himself look ridiculous so if he's intimidating to you at all, he seems less so. Then as you grow more comfortable with each other, anytime he notices you becoming quiet he'll do something like plucking your chin or some other cute gesture that he knows you'll have some sort of witty comeback for. He appreciates and adores both sides of you, but always wants to make sure you feel comfortable around him.

YOON JEONGHAN

Jeonghan will likely match your energy depending on how you're feeling. But he does have a habit of challenging your more sarcastic side because he tends to talk quite bluntly, so he thinks those conversations are more fun. He honestly has a lot of fun figuring out how to push your buttons until you two are ceaselessly teasing each other. He'll leave you be if it really seems like you're not up to it and respects when you're more quiet. He can always easily go with the flow depending on your mood.

JOSHUA HONG

Josh tends to also get shy around new people or one on one with people he doesn't know that well or in other moments he's not prepared for. So if you suddenly get shy, it'll probably trigger his shyness as well. He'll suddenly be unsure of what to say or where to look or how to act. Moments between you and Joshua tend to be very sweet and lighthearted since both of you are very careful towards each other. Any sort of friendship/relationship with each other with each other will progress slowly because it takes you two awhile to fully open up to each other. But it means that you two also eventually feel very comfortable around each other since you spent so much time building up trust.

WEN JUNHUI

He probably hates this lol. Not because of you but because he just can't stand awkward silence and puts all the pressure on himself to fix it. He also doesn't really get it????? Like you were fine around him when you were hanging out with other members or friends????? He watched you roast Wonwoo with no hesitation earlier???? But now that it's just you and him you're so shy?????? Get ready for chaotic Jun because he's going to be pulling all of the punches to get you to laugh again. Honestly when there's an awkward silence he can't really help but keep talking to fill it in, so you might learn a lot more about Jun in five minutes than you thought you would in years lol.

KWON SOONYOUNG

(Sorry for using such a big gif but he really is the prettiest man on earth omfg)

Might also be a little awkward when you suddenly get shy. He worries that he said something to offend you or that maybe you don't like him. So he tends to approach you carefully when he notices that you're shy around him to make sure that you two are on good terms. He'll actually make an effort to talk more quietly around you and try to sit really still and not make any sudden big movements so he doesn't catch you off guard or upset you. He tries to be as polite as possible and will make a real effort to start enjoyable conversations. Probably asks other people stuff like what movies you like or what songs you listen to so he has something to talk to you about when he sees you.

JEON WONWOO

Pls this is his worst nightmare. He's not confident in handling social situations so when you suddenly get quiet around him, he has no idea what to do. He'll awkwardly blurt out some random questions and cringe inwardly every time it doesn't lead to an actual conversation. He'll wonder what's up since you seemed so confident around other people. Like Soonyoung, he'll worry over you not liking him for some reason. He'll probably actually end up pulling back and letting you approach him in the future so any contact between you two can be on your terms so he knows you're comfortable.

LEE JIHOON

May not fully notice. Jihoon tends to be off in his own world anyways so your mood change around him may fly right over his head. He's not always conscious of people's behaviors and changes in them because of his tendency to zone out. Honestly it's sort of a relief. If you're feeling a little more nervous as you spend one on one time with him, it's almost nice that he seems to continue on with business as usual. It's nice that he won't really point it out or make a big deal of it. He's usually pretty gentle during conversation anyways so it's not like there's anything he's doing to be intimidating. If he notices you being shy, he might get a little shy as well, but he'll do anything he can to make you comfortable and get on your good side.

LEE SEOKMIN

Seokmin is such a people pleaser so you suddenly going quiet is going to be a problem for him. He needs you to like him so much. He's going to figure out what makes you feel the most comfortable around him. Do you want him to take the lead in conversations? Would you prefer he back off a little? Do you like it when he's joking? More serious? He'll test the waters and feel out what brings back your more confident side so he can tell what makes you more comfortable around him. He'll navigate every conversation with care so you'll enjoy talking with him.

KIM MINGYU

Also the type to kind of slip up when this happens. He doesn't know how to continue when you suddenly get shy around him. It highkey gives him butterflies, he thinks it's so cute. So then he's shy around you, leading to him doing awkward things, all while he's trying to help you feel less shy around him. He's a giggling/blushing mess around you 24/7, which definitely helps him seem less intimidating. But he very much genuinely wants you to feel comfortable around him so he'll always be as kind and friendly as possible.

[A/N: So Tumblr has suddenly decided I can only add ten imagines to each post even tho up until now, I was able to add gifs for all thirteen members. Soooo I was wondering if you guys preferred for me to either separate maknae line and hyung line for reactions, or if you want me to leave gifs out and have all members in one post for reactions, or if y'all want to do it by request??? Until I get a good read on what y'all want I'm just gonna cut the gifs are where I have to lol. Please let me know what y'all want me to do!!!!]

XU MYUNGHO

Myungho takes this in a silent stride. When he notices you suddenly get shy around him, he'll just sort of quietly take note of it. He'll try to encourage your usual sarcastic side to make sure you know he's comfortable with it. If it doesn't seem like it's working, he'll back off and try to take things slow and gentle with you until you feel more comfortable around him one on one. He'd never admit it but he is ecstatic when your sarcastic side starts to show. Any biting remark you have for him is met with a smirk and an equally biting remark. He's fine when you're more shy but he'll feel uneasy himself until you're comfortable around him.

BOO SEUNGKWAN

Seungkwan will have an "oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no" moment when he realizes you're suddenly shy around him. He also wants everyone to like him and be happy around him. He will also wonder if he did something to offend you and be incredibly nervous and unhappy until you're comfortable around him again. He's constantly hesitant when approaching you and then as conversation progresses, he'll pull out the big guns with his humor to get you laughing and hopefully back to your normal self.

VERNON CHWE

This may also go over his head. Vernon isn't always super in tune with the people around him just depending on what's going in his head. He also usually lets the people around him lead conversations anyways, so he'll just follow your vibes conversation to conversation. When you're shy he'll just speak to you casually and keep it light. When your more sarcastic side shows, he'll vamp it up and match your energy (although with him, he'll use sarcasm as a way to casually flirt for sure lol). But overall it's hardly even noticeable to him.

LEE CHAN

Dino probably also gets shy when you get shy. He may not notice your change at first but as soon as he does he just goes "oooooooooh" and then backs way off. He's the type to awkwardly laugh every other sentence when speaking to you, desperate to make sure the conversation feels light and happy. He's not really the best at navigating meeting new people and learning how to connect with them specifically. He's happy to try anything and everything to help you feel more at ease around him, though.

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Maze Trials: A Gally Fanfiction

Pairing: Gally x Emi(OC)

Summary: Emi, first girl the Glade has seen. Tougher than she looks and more than ready to prove it. Since day one her and Gally have been at each other's throats. Fighting constantly and not just with their words.

(Gally fanfiction which will include smut. It also has an actual story line. Think of it as an AU to the original Maze Runner. It'll mostly follow the main story line with some changes. Mostly focusing on Emi and Gally and their relationship.)

Chapter Twenty-Five

I sat outside a few feet from the council hall. I was close enough to hear the boys shouting at certain moments. I was too aggravated and hurt to really care. As I sat there picking at the grass I was startled almost out of my skin when the box's alarm rang out. I jumped to my feet instantly running towards it. I could hear the rest of the gladers running out of the council hall towards the box. We just got a greenie three days ago. The box shouldn't be coming back up yet. A fearful feeling fell on me as I stopped in front of the box. I stared at it as I waited for one of the boys to open it.

Gally and Newt were the first two there. They threw the box open and Newt jumped inside. I could tell from where I stood what was below us. I didn't know if I should feel relieved or terrified.

"Newt, what do you see?" One of the boys asked the blonde.

"It's a girl" Newt said in a mixture of surprise and confusion.

Thomas made his way threw the boys to stand next to me. We were both staring down at the unconscious girl. I knew her. She was the girl I had spoken to in one of my dreams.

"What's in her hand?" Gally asked Newt.

Newt slowly grabbed what looked like a rolled up piece of paper. He unfolded it to see what it was.

"She's the last one ever." Newt read aloud then looked up to us.

The sudden panic took me over. The last one?

"What the hell does that mean?" Newt questioned aloud.

She suddenly took in a deep breath as she woke up. All of us jumped at the sudden action. My heart was thumping wildly against my chest. She seemed to be looking straight at the greenie standing next to me.

"Thomas" she panted before her eyes rolled back and she fell unconscious once more.

We all turned to look at Thomas. He seemed to tense at the sudden eyes on him.

"Still think I'm overreacting?" Gally asks out loud as he crosses his arms over his chest.

I decided to help Clint and Jeff get the girl to their hut. I told them to let me know when she wakes up. I figured it would be better for her to see there is another girl with her instead of being surrounded by boys. I went to find Gally after that. I felt we needed to have a chat. He was outside standing with a few others. His brows furrowed like he was complaining about something which he probably was.

"Gally, we need to talk." I said as soon as I reached him.

"No" He said sternly then tried to turn away from me.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"That wasn't a request Captain." I spat using the nickname the other gladers used for him.

He stared down at me for a moment before grabbing my arm and pulling me away from the other gladers. Once he felt we were far enough away he stopped and let go of my arm.

"What's your problem?" I asked him harshly.

"What's my problem? Are you serious? You of all people know exactly how I felt about Thomas. How much I didn't trust him. You know how much I live by the rules of the Glade because they are rules for a reason! You still decided to go into the maze with them breaking a major rule then tell me you're on Thomas' side. Screw me right? Who cares what Gally thinks right?" He was shouting letting all his anger out.

"You know I don't want to stay here Gally. If Thomas can find a way out I will follow him. Things are changing. We could actually have a chance here. Does that really mean nothing to you?" I asked keeping myself as calm as I could.

"It means nothing to me. The Glade is my home. I thought you were going to share that home with me. Obviously I was wrong. What ever this was is no longer happening. Go ahead and follow Thomas. It's clear you've already made your choice." Gally said as he went to walk past me.

I grabbed his hand trying to keep him close. He pulled his hand away then glanced back at me with a look full of hatred but I could see the tears in his eyes that he was making sure wouldn't spill over.

"Gally please understand" I whispered letting my own tears fall freely.

He just scoffed then walked away. Just like that I lost everything. Gally had been the only thing I had the whole time I was here. I had him to hold onto and keep me sane and now that was over.

The sudden shouts of a terrified girl brought me back to reality as I saw the new girl running away from Clint and Jeff. She saw the other boys surrounding her and screamed again as she elbowed her way threw them. She darted for the look out then climbed up quickly. I saw one of the boys moving to climb up after her. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back down.

"No! You'll only make it worse." I told him sternly.

She started throwing things down at the boys below her yelling at them to go away. The gladers ran to get shields to cover their heads.

"Hey! Throw one more of those things and I'm- Ow!" Gally held his hand against his head where she had just hit him.

Thomas and Minho were there a few minutes later. Thomas running under the piece of wood Newt was holding.

"I don't think she likes us very much." Newt joked with a smirk.

"Listen! We just want to talk!" Thomas shouted up at her.

She started to throw more at a lot faster pace.

"Take cover y'all!" Fry pan shouted.

"Hey! Hey! Woah! It's Thomas!" He shouted again.

The items instantly stopped. She slowly peaked her head over the edge of the wood. Thomas waved at her.

"I'm gonna come up okay?" He asked her.

She didn't answer she just moved backwards so we couldn't see her any longer.

"Ok" Thomas whispered as he moved towards the lookout.

Gally moved to follow him but Thomas quickly turned around to face him.

"Alone" he said sternly.

Gally looked at him like he was crazy but didn't try anything else. I stopped Thomas from climbing by blocking his path.

"I'm going up with you. She might feel more comfortable with another girl." I stated simply.

Thomas nodded then I moved to let him climb up first. I followed closely behind him until we were all the way at the top. Thomas opened the hatch then stopped moving.

"Woah, woah, woah. Ok, easy alright?" He said slowly.

He climbed up allowing me to pop up to see the girl holding one of our machetes.

"Where am I? What is this place? Why can't I remember anything?" She asked Thomas.

Before he could answer she had noticed me climbing up and closing the hatch.

"This is all normal. We've all been threw this. Okay? You're name that will come back to you in a few days." Thomas tried to explain.

"Teresa" she said quietly.

"What'd you say?" He asked her.

"My name. Teresa." She repeated.

Thomas and I shared a look. It's weird for someone to remember their name that quickly.

"Teresa, I'm Thomas." He introduced.

Teresa looked to me.

"I'm Emi" I told her.

I slowly leaned forward until I could gently wrap my hand around hers and pull the machete away from her. I sat it down out of the way.

"But you already knew my nae didn't you?" Thomas asked her.

"They said I kept saying your name in my sleep." She stated.

"Who are you?" She asked give him a sideways look.

"I don't know. I can't remember. None of us here can remember anything." He told her.

"We all woke up here just like you." I stated calmly.

Thomas and I spent a few more minutes talking to Teresa to make sure she was calm. Before we went back down to the Glade she pulled two items out of her pocket. She handed them to Thomas.

"These were in my pocket when I woke up." She said quietly.

I looked at one as Thomas looked over the other. The same letters were on this just as they were on our supplies and the metal thing Minho pulled out of the griever.

W.C.K.D.

"W.C.K.D. is good" Thomas mumbled to himself as he looked at the item.

"I heard the same thing. A woman saying W.C.K.D. is good." Teresa said.

I looked the item in my hand over again thinking of the words they both just said. Then I realized it was a syringe. It's medicine.

"Thomas, this is some kind of medicine. Alby." I whispered like it was a secret.

It seemed to snap into place in his head as well. We both hurried down the look out with Teresa right behind us. We ran for the Med-Jack's hut where Alby was. Newt and Gally had seen us running and decided to follow behind us.

There was a small amount of arguing before Thomas could talk Clint into giving it to Alby. We didn't have anything to loose at this point. We all waited hoping for something good to happen. In that time Minho and Thomas decided they needed to look something over before going back into the maze.

I was left in the hut with Clint, Teresa, and Gally. The keeper of the builders seemed to be playing guard like Teresa and I were criminals.

"What's his problem?" She whispered to me.

"It's a long story." I whispered back.

—