#Funny Friends

[unusualebaybears]

90

[littleguymart]

(source)

[neoninglitchen]

my friend, no joke just said "friggle froggle"

i cant with my friends.

[madfoolish]

[lonely-lesbian69]

My new friend just got a gf who's also my friend and goggled imaged a photo of a ring and proposed

[ghoulzencrypted]

Quotes from our friend group

“Sheldon is just a teenage girl on her period and i stand by that”

“MY ARE THE WHAT”

“not the great Captain America milf.🫡”

“Im gonna drag your ass to iowa you southern cornbread fucker”

“BAD JUJU ALL OVER THAT SHIT”

"what if someone covered their balls in cheese and called them 'cheese balls'"

"like the liquid cheese you spray out??"

"YES ABSOLUTELY."

“I just took like 3d6 psychic damage from having to abandon a bowl of cereal.”

“Hey we got a bad one”

“How bad?”

“Florida”

“I forgot pyro was a nonut haver”

“@Pyro WHERE THE FUCK YOUR BALLS GO”

“STOP”

“Get in the hole”

“Thats what she said”

“You get dommed dont you. Smh”

“It heard my mating call”

“Im terrible at making babies i cant find holes for the life of me”

“He still never found the hole 😔”

Most of this is when we watched a friend play subnatica

[lordbeebrain]

“Welcome to the Shit Show, pull up a seat, I’ll be your waiter today!”

- @gingerturtle94 because she had to do this to me today 💀

[ikarus-wax-wings]

Clown

I cannot be entertaining enough to fix this.

I cannot pretend the rawness on my face is a clown's mask.

Exaggerations have left me empty-handed.

I grasp my own hands, my own flesh.

My jokes are no longer funny.

They aren't big enough to distract.

I want my humour back.

I want it with rage and I want it with hidden fear.

I don't want you to see this.

I'm sorry you have to protect yourself from me.

Deep breaths before opening my messages, hoping that you won't find something final in my jumbling words.

I'll keep trying to be your court jester.

I'm not so good at it anymore.

No one wants to look in my eye.

I used to be easy, barely human, fun.

Now everyone sees how bloody my insides are.

Everytime I trip, a bit of my insides spill out, and the crowd I have amassed cringes.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to be found out like this.

I meant to be something better.

Forgive my humanity, how ugly it is now.

I'm sorry for being a pill hard to swallow,

And hands always reaching out.

I'm not your duty, but you're there every time,

Watching my madness with your sad eagle eyes,

Never looking straight into mine.

-- Mischa N.

[terramcgarden]

Friends and I have a story about Dinosaur Riders Vs Aliens. Each of our rider character's dino is named after a character from an ancient story. My characters partner is a Raptor and has been for years. But then one day bestie just asks out of the blue:

I personally find this hilarious. Now if the dinosaur really did spit venom and hoots like an owl is irrelevant. My bestfriend saw "VENOMOUS HOOTING OWL DINO!" And thought of me.

And guys....

She commits... now at first it was a simple copy and paste... but as you can see; shes getting a bit creative.

And starting to disolve into madness.... more to come

[emilnikos]

love it when my friends say "you would do numbers on Tumblr" buddy I am on Tumblr. and the number is 3

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[lonely-lesbian69]

My friend sent to to our gc at 2am

It's with me and my other friend

I hate my friend so fucking much rn

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.