#Fucking hell dude.. look - listen.. EXCEPTIONS EXIST TO ALL CLAIMS.

[lifenconcepts]

nobody IS the ‘norm’, we all are collectively acting out a role to make sure we just don’t bother others in their own self-absorbed world as we slowly sink into our own. It’s not some awful word, because we’re all recognising that we’re not the same as what we show to the world, and that’s no reason to hide.

also, it’s not normal to be mean. Normal means to fit in and not stand out, being less of a bother to society and the higher ups. It means everyone acts a specific way so we all grow to expect the same from everyone and not feel afraid. We’re surprised when others finally act out, break out their shell, because we also know we are hiding something both incredible and awful underneath but have got to keep the mask on tight.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 21, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Flute Solo

For some reason Wei Wuxian has decided to take a walk outside of the fortress, or behind the fortress, or something? Can people just take a stroll outside during wartime? Seems unwise.

There are guards and these extra-bossy crows herding some Wen prisoners along, and Wei Wuxian stands up above and gets totally overwhelmed by resentful energy.  

He falls to one knee while clutching his chest, in the spot where all cultivators seem to stow a bag of holding. I guess this is the Xuanwu sword? Or maybe it's his surgical incision; those things can take a while to finish healing. I think the golden core is further down in the abdomen, though; this is right over his heart. 

Wen Qing, Granny, and Fourth Uncle are in the group, but Wen Qing has her hood up so Wei Wuxian can't see her, and he's unlikely to remember the other two, since he only saw them that one time at the shrine, and he doesn't remember people he's literally had dinner with.  

The guards decide to be assholes and beat the shit out of a prisoner because he fell down, which inspires some extra aggressive crows to swoop in and attack the not-dead guy on the ground. That is...not how carrion-eaters behave, generally. They're pretty good about waiting for you to stop moving.

Wei Wuxian continues to struggle, obviously having an orgasm in a lot of pain, and starting to leak resentful energy.

(more after the cut)

He brings his flute up and starts playing it, which causes the wind to rise, rocks to fall from a nearby cliff, and the whole group of people on the ground under him to start having Yin Iron lines crawling up their faces.

Would Wen Qing be a beautiful fierce corpse? She would. 

Eventually Wei Wuxian stops torturing everybody, having gotten it out of his system for a bit, and stands up.  The group gets up, skin clearing up, and starts moving along again, a little shook. Wen Qing looks up and sees Wei Wuxian and hides her face in anguish.

She was there in the dungeon, listening to the same flute music, when he was resentfully slaughtering everyone around her in Yiling. Does she understand what she’s seeing, what he’s become? 

Her hood is off and it seems that he sees her, or at least that he is trying to figure out what he's seeing. But Jiang Yanli arrives before he can do more than look puzzled and cast his eyes around.  

Jiang Yanli asks him what just happened and he laughs and says it was the strong wind, in an extremely transparent lie that Yanli nearly chokes trying to swallow. She drags him back to the meeting while he continues to look troubled.

War Council

Meanwhile, the war council is meeting. This is mostly a boring rehash of stuff we already know, but someone has drawn a nice big map that's been installed in a custom frame. Because apparently the table with the mountains on it is not a good enough representation of "and then we will walk from our house to Wen Ruohan's house," which is basically their plan. The gist of this scene is that Wen Ruohan having the Yin Iron gives him an advantage, in case we needed to be reminded of that. 

The doors fly open and Wei Wuxian and his fabulous ass literally blow into the room. 

Everyone reacts in a comically extreme way. 

He casts his eyes malevolently and/or sexily over to Lan Wangji, who is still grumpy with him, while Jiang Cheng comes up and stands almost as close to him as Lan Wangji used to.

He tells everybody that he might have something to counteract the yin iron.

Everybody: Really? Do tell!  

Wei Wuxian: Happy to!

Wei Wuxian: *theatrical side-eye at judgy ex boyfriend* 

Wei Wuxian: Actually, nope.

He says "we'll see in about a month" while fondling whatever is hidden next to his ribcage.

This behavior, while ridiculous, isn't quite as absurd as it seems from a corporate-meeting standpoint. Part of what cultivators do is invent and refine spiritual tools. So when Wei Wuxian makes this speech, the people in the meeting are going to infer that he is creating a spiritual tool to counter the Yin Iron.

Now it's Lan Xichen's turn to ask everybody’s favorite question. Lan Xichen wasn’t at the party when everyone else asked him, and we're apparently supposed to believe these gossips haven't been talking about the not-sword-carrying 24x7.

Wei Wuxian says he's just not in the mood, and we get to see Lan Xichen's impressive ability to hold his face completely still while he represses his desire to slap someone.

Jin Zixun complains about Wei Wuxian after he leaves, but for once his bitching is on point; he correctly surmises that the counter to yin iron is...yin iron. 

Now, to be fair, the yin tiger amulet is different from the yin iron because it exists in the novel Wei Wuxian specially refines it to be more manageable than the sword it started from. And maybe it’s gel coated to be easier on the stomach. But it's basically the same shit.

Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue exchange intense gazes, just to prove that the young people aren’t the only ones who know how to eye fuck. 

Lying Is Forbidden 

Lan Xichen talks to Lan Wangji, and we discover that Lan Wangji is perfectly capable of lying. He manages to maintain a reputation for not lying but I think the trick is that he just avoids talking in general, so when, for example, people in later years say "who's your masked boyfriend" he just doesn't answer, which isn't really lying. (How many times did Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen ask “where did you get this kid?” and just not get an answer, I wonder.) 

At other times he actually directly lies, as when he claims he is “just passing through” Yiling on a night hunt. The current conversation with Lan Xichen definitely involves actual lying.

Let's play multiple choice answers with the Lan brothers!

Q:  Why is WWX so confident we can have Yin Iron against WRH in a month? 

a.) Because he's been walking around with that Xuanwu sword for months, and it is obviously made of Yin iron b.) because he used a fucking ghost flute to flay Wen Chao more or less in front of me, so he is clearly down with some dark magics c.) I don’t know

Q: Was the death of people in the Yiling supervisory office really related to yin iron?

a.) obviously b.) maybe he was using some other source of overwhelming necromantic power c.) no, he’s not like that

Q. When you approached Yiling, was there anything unusual?

a.) yes, the talismans had been altered to draw in evil spirits b.) yes, everyone except his particular friend Wen Qing had killed themselves in horrifying, outlandish ways c.) are there rules already set for everything in the world?

Xichen, bless him, actually lets Lan Wangji change the subject like that and answers his question honestly.

Xichen: Actually, rules are pretty much shit Wangji: fucking hell, you're telling me this NOW? What have I been doing for the past 18 years then?

They both look just ridiculously beautiful in this conversation. Lan Wangji’s affect with his brother is so interesting. He’s trusting, emotionally open, willing to be seen...but only because he knows Lan Xichen won’t push past his barriers, won’t force him to speak the truth of what’s on his mind.

Awkwardness

The Yunmeng bros roll up, and awkwardness ensues. 

Wangji is frowning hard. His frowns are of the micro variety just like his smiles, but boy they are consistent and Wei Wuxian and Xichen both know how to read them.

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Xichen a small, sunny smile--it seems genuine, not like the fake ones he's trotting out on demand for his family. 

Then he gives Lan Wangji a pointed gaze of yearning and reproachfulness, which Lan Wangji returns, switching from frowning to a softer expression that seems about equal parts hurt, apology, and thirst.

Wei Wuxian reacts to that by bowing again and leaving, with Jiang Cheng quickly following, wondering what the fuck just happened.

Lans Xichen and Wangji pivot gracefully to watch them go, which Lan Wangji should know is not correct post-breakup behavior; you're supposed to act disinterested, my dude. 

And then Lan Xichen asks Lan Wangji what the fuck is going on. Lan Wangji gets one more lie in, saying he's not worried about Wei Wuxian, before reapplying his frown and walking away from the conversation.

Macroexpression Brothers

OP was wrong about Wei Wuxian not hugging Jiang Cheng any more--here he is hanging on him just like the old days, and Jiang Cheng is shoving him off, just like the old days. However, it emerges that this is mostly an act that WWX is putting on to seem normal. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what's wrong between him and Lan Wangji, and asks why they broke up. Wei Wuxian points out that Jiang Cheng didn't like him dating Lan Wangji before, so why is he pushing him to get back together with him now, and Jiang Cheng says that now they're allies in a war, so Wei Wuxian needs to do his duty and help keep Lan Wangji in fighting trim, nudge nudge. 

Then he starts lecturing Wei Wuxian about sword cultivation and generally good behavior, and Wei Wuxian theatrically nods and give him appraising looks, telling him he really seems like a clan leader now.

Jiang Cheng headshakes this away. Wei Wuxian actually giving Jiang Cheng a sincere compliment here, disguised as teasing, and he's not wrong. Jiang Cheng has matured and is becoming a strong leader. Not strong enough to ignore peer pressure, but that’s true of most clan leaders in this environment. They’re not supposed to ignore peer pressure. 

Wei Wuxian is pointing it out for his own reasons - he doesn't want to be having this conversation - but it's nice to see him giving his clan leader his due.

Jiang Cheng walks away as Wei Wuxian smiles after him; as soon as he's out of sight the smile falls off of Wei Wuxian's face as fast as fast as gravity can take it. It's like someone snuffed a candle.

No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty As my conscience seems to be I have hours, only lonely My love is vengeance that's never free

More Awkwardness

Lan Wangji and his ambivalence come looking for Wei Wuxian, standing outside his door and raising a hand to knock before changing his mind and fleeing. 

Lan Wangji is on the back foot for the first time in his relationship with Wei Wuxian; this boy who pursued and pursued and PURSUED him is now a man who won't speak to him.  This boy who hung on every one of his words, and saw through all of his minute facial expressions, has become a man who won't listen to him. Lan Wangji is in the position of pursuer, now, and it's not a role he's well equipped for.

Yanli stops him as he's bailing. He looks so relieved to see her, but he tries to escape immediately after greeting her. She stops him so she can ask what the fuck is going on. 

Unfortunately, Wei Wuxian rolls up while Lan Wangji is in the middle of talking to her.  He's telling her about the heterodox cultivation, and Wei Wuxian busts him. Wei Wuxian steps up and asks what he was telling her, and Lan Wangji says "Wei Ying," but doesn't get much further than that.

Nunya

Wei Wuxian reminds him that he told him to stay out of Jiang Clan business. Now, here I want to mention that "private" and "not your bidness" are culturally specific concepts. OP, for example, grew up in version of Irish-American culture so secretive that the problems of a person's life and (often) the cause of their death are things only discovered by whoever inherits their papers. [OP inherited 3 generations of letters a few years ago, and HOO BOY]

In the version of Chinese culture which we see in this drama, your choices, thoughts & troubles belong to the family and clan, not just to you.  Wei Wuxian, in shutting his elder sister out of his struggles, is not family-ing correctly. Jiang Yanli is right to try to get around that by asking his friend. His friend is also right to give her--in sanitized form--the information she is asking for. 

Wei Wuxian has zero trust in Lan Wangji at this point, unfortunately. He doesn’t know that Lan Wangji has been lying to cover for him; he just knows he’s being a grumpy aggressive holy roller. Now, when Lan Wangji has just been given permission to disregard all 3000 rules and look at a person’s heart, that person’s heart has been hardened against him. 

Yanli is used to dealing with Wei Wuxian's moods at this point -- after all, a lifetime of Jiang Cheng has got her used to volatile little brothers, and Wei Wuxian is clearly a new, not-improved man since his return. 

She tries to get him to chill out while Lan Wangji gives him a death glare -- not a return to the earlier generalized frown, more of a specific "I can't believe how full of shit you are" frown.

Wei Wuxian calls him Lan Er Gongzi, like a dick. Lan Wangji started this but at this point Wei Wuxian is kind of in the lead for who is being The Worst. Lan Wangji executes a beautiful 180 and walks away at top speed. 

Wei Wuxian asks Yanli if he talked about Yiling and when she says he didn't, he realizes he fucked up. 

He goes running after him and calls him Lan Zhan and says "listen to me" but Lan Wangji is no longer in a listening mood. 

Eat A Dick Sword

Lan Wangji is so far in his feelings at this point that he just hauls out his sword and goes after Wei Wuxian, taking complete control of the interaction and forcing Wei Wuxian to concede the fight. Aww, he’s so angry! I love him. 

This is a rough moment for Wei Wuxian. He really genuinely can't hold his own against Lan Wangji, unless he's going to directly use necromancy against him the way he does later in their final confrontation. 

When they first met he was able to defend himself on the rooftop without drawing his sword, but he's weaker now; Chenqing is an adequate hand weapon against most cultivators and puppets, but it's not a match for Lan Wangji's full attack. 

Wei Wuxian is not enjoying this fight, and can’t win in, so he just throws in the towel, exposing his throat and trusting Lan Wangji's control.

On the surface, this fight appears to re-establish their former rapport, but it puts them on such an uneven footing it might actually drive a larger wedge between them.  I think that Lan Wangji has made a strategic error in doing this.  

Lan Wangji seems to want to prove to Wei Wuxian that his new style of cultivation is inadequate, that he would do better with a sword. Swordplay was the beginning of their relationship; their matched power was the source of their mutual attraction. Lan Wangji can't accept that Wei Wuxian has given it up; he doesn't (yet) respect his agency enough to assume that he has a good reason.

This fight functions as yet another punishment that Lan Wangji doles out to Wei Wuxian; not a physical one, this time, but a psychological one, and their relationship pays the price. 

By attacking Wei Wuxian and forcing him to concede, Lan Wangji is showing that they're unequal. By criticizing Wei Wuxian's lack of progress and asking him the same goddamn question everybody else is asking him -- where is your sword? -- Lan Wangji is humiliating him. 

This encounter does not re-establish Wei Wuxian’s trust in him; it just forces him to accept Lan Wangji’s authority, for now. Which is not what either of them really wants. 

Soundtrack: Behind Blue Eyes, by The Who

Writing Prompt: What would Wei Wuxian have said if Lan Wangji had listened to him instead of drawing his sword?

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #31 - Ammo and the Anti-Glowup

So, the Lost Light disappeared, stranding all the crew in space in their little escape pods. 200-some robots just lost their homes and worldly possessions. That’s absolutely horrible. What a devastating thing to happen.

Anyway, here’s Drift with a flashback sequence.

No hips, fingers all the exact same length, hockey pucks embedded in his forearms- Rojo, this is a crime you’ve committed. When will the long arm of the law stop your sinful, pancake-shaped hands?

About two years prior to current events, Drift, Riptide, and Pipes- yes, Pipes!- were wandering around trying to find a ship for the space yacht trip. The gang’s here to see who owns the big honkin’ ship outside. Problem is, Drift is unintentionally terrifying because he has a great deal of swords.

Now, you may say to yourself “isn’t it a bit odd that the species that has members who literally turn into guns would be nervous around a guy with swords?” This is a valid critique, until you remember that at least some of the folks who turn into guns were born that way, and Drift was very much NOT born bladed the fuck out. There’s an entire miniseries devoted to explaining this, it’s called Drift. The swords are a choice, one that he makes every day.

Drift is willing to pay an honestly absurd amount of money for the ship, if he can just find the dude with the paperwork- don’t ask where he got the money. Pipes isn’t being terribly helpful in finding them, so Riptide decides that now is the time to start practicing being proactive and pulls a Coyote Ugly.

No, no, he doesn’t.

He does climb up on a table and start yelling for the ship’s owners to reveal themselves, though. Which they do.

Now it’s time for the world-building portion of our comic issue. Let’s learn about chirolinguistics.

Drift, staying true to his Mary Sue nature, uses his near-perfect Hand skills to strike up a deal with the owners of the ship. This would be impressive, if it didn’t just look like the most convoluted hand-holding session in the friggin’ universe.

Still, Drift is rich enough to make Jeff Bezos weep with envy, so the arrangements are made and the lads go on their way, talking some mad shit about the original name of the ship as they do.

So it is revealed to us that the Lost Light is named after a festival for honoring the dead and disappeared, which makes the fact that Rewind and Chromedome were there all the more sad.

Back in the present, Megatron tells Riptide to shut up so they can figure out what the hell they’re going to do about this whole “our home and also ride has ceased to exist” situation. He’s putting an awful lot of distance between himself and the rest of the Autobots as he does it, something that isn’t lost on the more bitter people of the crowd.

But why were we even talking about the Lost Light in the first place? Not to reminisce, believe it or not. See, it’s time for Nautica to get a little panel time, and she’s going to use it to be a massive fucking nerd and explain how the quantum engines work. As she does, Ratchet notes that his hands feel funny. Must be the weight of his hand-stealing sins manifesting itself in his joints.

Nautica explains that the engines run off of improbability- it is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that the ship can reach light speed, and riding the fine line between what can happen and what can’t, results in the creation of power for the engines. If this sounds familiar, it’s because Brainstorm gave us a watered down version of this explanation back in issue #2. If it sounds familiar for a different reason, it’s because this is how the Heart of Gold runs in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Again, I’m not sure why it is that the British love this concept so much, but there you are.

Oh, it appears someone has a question. Let’s see what they want to know about, shall we?

…Rojo, what the fuck is this.

Our muppety friend here isn’t too keen on how much of a smarmy asshole Nightbeat is being right now, though I’d assume it actually has something to do with the fact that Nightbeat got smacked around with the pretty-boy stick while Getaway very much did not. While the two bicker- there’s a lot of bickering in Season Two- Nautica presents a theory on what happened to the ship; it went too far in the direction of “can’t” and made itself cease to be.

Megatron gives not a shit about quantum improbability, though. He only cares about how they’re going to get out of this mess. Which, y’know. Valid.

Blaster picks up a radio from Rodimus, who tells the gang that they’re to meet up on a nearby planet to regroup and figure out their next move. The call drops before he can get more than a couple Megatron-directed insults in, however. Megatron, in response, tries to be the bigger person, and almost immediately fails. We do get a headcount though, which is good, logistically speaking. This information is communicated to us by way of a splash page full of character head shots. We’ve got 20 ‘bots on board this ship.

Yep. 20. No more, no less.

As our friends approach the planet, we’re informed that it’s actually a Lectureworld- a planet devoted to the study of a single field. Except it’s actually a Smartplanet now, and it’s been privatized by the Galactic Council, so you’ve got to pay to go there. Cyclonus thinks that that’s bullshit, and I can’t help but agree. Crosscut tries to network with they guy about his play, probably because word got around that Cyclonus is rich as hell, when the lights cut out. When they come back on, Crosscut is nowhere to be found.

It’s time for a Whodunnit.

Tailgate immediately pegs Megatron as the culprit in this disappearance, and breaks out a gun over the matter. Megatron thinks that this is absolutely adorable, which only serves to further infuriate our marshmallow friend. I guess he’s still mad about the whole “I was a Decepticon for five minutes and got brainwashed over it” thing, and wants someone to pin the anger on who’s socially acceptable to hate.

Cyclonus and Ratchet both think that Tailgate’s not going about this the right way, but the guy is simply too het up to listen to them. Tailgate suggests that they lock Megatron in the engine room for the time being and-

OKAY WHO LET HIM HAVE THAT

Riptide breaks out his gun, and soon we’ve got a standoff going between the three of them. Cyclonus tries to deescalate, which makes Gears and Huffer break out their guns. Then Hound breaks out his gun, though he seems to be doing his own thing, by pointing it in Nautica’s direction.

Broski, I think that might be animal cruelty.

Megatron manages to shoot Ravage “unconscious” and catches him by the friggin’ throat, stating that he has zero idea how this guy got here. With the heat off the two of them for a moment, Megatron communicates to Ravage to play ‘possum for the time being. Ravage responds, and I wonder exactly how he’s doing that, considering I don’t think he has enough fingers to effectively utilize Hand as a language. Or fingers at all, really.

While this is going on, Cyclonus snatches the gun out of Tailgate’s hand, admonishing him for being reckless about picking his fights. Generally speaking, you don’t want to try to go toe-to-toe with a guy who’s responsible for the deaths of literal billions. Getaway swoops in to comfort Tailgate, calling him gutsy. I wonder if this will become a trend.

Swerve says a thing, as he is wont to do, and it’s made known that multiple folks have disappeared during this incredibly brief standoff.

Wow, Chromedome just fucked off, huh? He wasn’t even in that sequence, just left.

Everyone’s positively baffled by the current happenings. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to who’s being taken. I guess we’ve got a mystery on our hands.

And who better to solve a mystery than a detective?

Nightbeat wrangles all the leftover folks into a corner of the room, so they can figure out what the common denominator is with all the disappearees. He starts with the easy stuff.

And by “easy”, I mean the super-special racism Tyrest subscribed to.

If you’ve read Eugenesis, you know that Nightbeat was also part of the first wave of cold-constructed bodies there. However, the general populace wasn’t nearly as chill about it as they were in IDW. Also, Wheeljack was his dad. No word on if that particular tidbit made it into IDW lore.

It’s at this point that we learn about M.T.O.s- made to order soldiers. They were cold-constructed ‘bots created en masse during the war in order to keep up with the demands for troops. Pretty fucked up, if you think about it, being born to die like that.

Now where have we heard that name before…

Chromedome, can your love life not be part of the plot for five minutes, my guy?

Nautica makes the honestly horrific claim that a lot of folks owe their existence to Megatron being a warmongering fuck, and even Megatron himself seems rather uncomfortable with the idea. Some thoughts we keep to ourselves, Nautica, even if they might be technically true. And even if Ammo wants to tack on his two cents on the matter.

What did they DO to you, Ammo? You’re supposed to be hot! Where are my three-paragraphs of description as Hound stares slack jawed the entire time? I miss Polyhex Wars.

Anyway, it’s Megatron’s turn to get poked with the questioning stick, and he’s not having it. He claims that by revealing his mode of creation, he’s risking a repeat of Functionist ideology. This would be valid, if people weren’t literally disappearing without any sort of explanation as to why. As it is, he’s being a stubborn asshole, but I guess he didn’t get his reputation by being a decent person who knew when to back down, now did he?

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers he knows all the info Nightbeat’s looking for, and the conversation on Megatron’s birth is shelved for another day. I’m sure it won’t be a major plot point later, not in the slightest.

As it turns out, Nightbeat’s theory doesn’t hold water, and folks are still popping out of existence. We get another splash page, this time with everyone’s mode of creation listed under their names, and we move on to other theories about what the fuck is going on. While Nightbeat has a minor crisis over what the answer could possibly be, the MTOs in the group reminisce on the Ten-Step Program, a series of tests they were put through to make sure they worked well enough to get handed a gun and shoved out the door. Riptide wasn’t a fan.

Riptide has more wood panelling than a 70’s-style ranch house, and I think that’s very brave of him.

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers it’s been quite a bit since he last shat on religion, and takes the time to do so while informing the reader about Information Creep. This is a concept we’ve seen mentioned previously, during Chromedome’s runaround in Overlord’s brain, but it’s here where we get the juicy implications.

Because memories can become corrupted in the brain due to extreme age, what ought to be objective fact has to be reinterpreted due to missing pieces. This is why nobody knows what the Knights of Cybertron got up to, or if they’re even actually real at all.

The lights go out again, and when they cut back on, Cyclonus is missing, leaving only his sword behind. Tailgate is extremely distraught by this, but Nightbeat gives not a fuck about Tailgate’s impending breakdown. He only cares about the truth!

And then a giant eyeball shows up.

It’s Ultra Magnus, coming to us live from his shuttle, via holomatter avatar! He shrinks down to a far more reasonable size, in a panel reminiscent of the first time IDW readers saw Megatron.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a neat parallel, I’m just… not terribly sure why it’s happening. One could say it reflects a reversal in power dynamics, but that theory gets tossed out the window when you remember that this isn’t actually Verity. I suppose it’s just a cool little thing.

Because the comms aren’t working, Ultra Magnus has been forced to use this avatar to communicate with the folks in the Rod Pod. Megatron asks just what the hell is going on, but unfortunately Magnus isn’t sure either. Then his shuttle disappears, and it’s bye-bye grunge girl Magnus.

It’s at this point that Nightbeat decides it’s time to stop pussyfooting around and get serious. He tells Ratchet to throw HIPPA directly in the garbage and write down everything he knows about the Autobots who crewed the Lost Light. And he does mean everything, as we get the splash page again, this time with lots of neat info on our friends, including spark type.

Spark types will become plot-relevant in the storyline after this, but for now let’s focus on some weird gender essentialism that got slapped into the first print of this issue.

As we know very well by this point, Transformers as a franchise has a tumultuous relationship with the idea of women existing. You would think that the awkward introduction of other genders we got in “Dark Cybertron” would have been the end of things being weird in IDW. However, you would be wrong.

In an effort to explain why genders exist, Roberts had the idea to make it spark-based. Nautica, in the solo print of this issue, has an estriol-positive spark. Estriol is a type of estrogen, which is the hormone that develops and maintains feminine secondary sex characteristics, when present in certain levels, in conjunction with other hormones. Biology

This “spark = gender” idea is, generally speaking, not a great idea to be presenting us with, especially when the writer is a cishet male, because it implies biological essentialism- the idea that a personality trait/quality of a person is innate and predetermined by their biology, as opposed to social, cultural, or individual experiences. Because this story doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s irresponsible to reduce the experience of being a woman to a single, physical, unchangable asset, especially when all other assets of the same class have zero effect on one’s gender identity. You don’t exactly see many nonbinary robots running around, now do you? And there are definitely more than two spark types, despite the Transformers as a species being... very binary.

It also makes female Transformers into an “other”, which is a problem that has existed from the very start of the franchise, in some form or fashion, and really doesn’t need to be perpetrated anymore than it already is.

The estriol spark type was removed in the trade edition, and Roberts has expressed regrets over its inclusion, having realized that it was potentially offensive.

Getting back to the story, Swerve, Tailgate, and Ratchet have disappeared, though Ratchet seems to have left his hands behind. His stolen, Pharma-original hands.

That’s still fucked up to me. I don’t think it’ll ever not be fucked up.

Riptide reveals the reason that he wasn’t in Season One of MTMTE was because when he went back to grab a receipt for the ship two years prior, he’d discovered that the original owners were worshipers of Mortilus, Cybertronian god of death, and knew about the nasty little problem that was the sparkeater from the first storyline. When Riptide went to confront them about it, they beat him up so bad he was unconscious for two solid days.

Which is a long-ass time to be unconscious. That might have been a coma, Riptide. Jesus, I hope someone got him to a hospital after this beatdown happened, or at least scraped him off the floor.

With this last piece of the puzzle, we finally have the common denominator in this big ol’ mystery. Everyone who disappeared was on the Lost Light when it took off from Cybertron in issue #1, and everyone left behind- Skids, Getaway, Nightbeat, Nautica, Megatron, and Ravage- didn’t join until afterwords.

Of course, having the answer doesn’t do us much good when everyone is still missing, and Megatron seems to agree with me, because he’s about to throw hands, when Nautica lets them know that they’ve arrived at the rendezvous. Problem is, so has something else.

...

I’m sure it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

[rnelodyy]

C!Dream, the status quo, and why conflict is okay sometimes.

In this fandom, there is a lot of talk about conflict, who causes it, who avoids it, who is to blame for it, et cetera. An argument often heard from c!Dream apologists to justify his abysmal treatment of L’Manburg in general and c!Tommy in specific is “He was just trying to stop people causing conflict! He was protecting the server by stopping these conflict-causing maniacs!”

And it’s not hard to see where they get this idea from, because c!Dream repeats this sentiment a lot, from his “happy family” speech, to the speech during the final disc war about how c!Tommy causes constant conflict, to the fact that he always portrays himself as a reasonable authority figure trying to calm down these feral creatures always fighting with one another (and we’ll get to that idea…).

My reasoning for explaining how c!Dream’s worldview is deeply flawed may be a bit controversial, so I decided to write this essay to explore the following idea:

Sometimes, conflict is good actually.

(all /dsmp /rp, names refer to characters, not content creators)

Conflict, in itself, is morally neutral. It’s the context surrounding the conflict that allows us to ascribe morality to it. This fact makes this topic a LOT harder to discuss, because morality is subjective. What I’m writing here is all my own opinion, you may agree or disagree on some points, I just ask that you read it through and please don’t start shit over this.

Anyway, the context. It’s dependent on a number of factors.

Justification. Why was the conflict started?

Intent. What is the desired outcome for either party?

Proportionality. If the conflict is started out of revenge or punishment, is it proportionate to the wrong committed?

Power Dynamic. Is the person on the receiving end more, less, or equally as powerful as the person starting the conflict?

For example, let’s compare the L’Manburg War for Independence with the intervention during the Final Disc War.

Justification:

Dream declared war on L’Manburg because he saw them as traitors, and the land they occupied as rightfully his. Therefore, them making a country of their own where his rules didn’t apply was a violation of the status quo he wanted to uphold.

Punz and the others intervened because they didn’t want Dream to kill Tommy and/or Tubbo, and were tired of his constant meddling in their affairs.

Intent:

Dream’s intent was to attack L’Manburg until they surrendered, no matter how much hurt he’d cause or how many lives he’d take.

Punz and the other’s intent was to stop Dream from killing Tommy and Tubbo, and stop whatever plan he had to keep the server under control.

Proportionality:

L’Manburg declared independence in response to brutal violence as retribution for clumsy attempts at crime, on land nobody except Wilbur was using, were explicitly pacifistic and invited Dream to make an embassy in their land to discuss trade. Dream responded by declaring war, destroying their land, luring them into a trap and killing them, and continuing to beat them down until they surrendered.

Punz and the others intervened after Dream dragged two teenagers out into the wilderness to fight him, with little chance of them ever returning. This was after months of Dream’s meddling in conflicts he had nothing to do with, trying to control people’s actions, ripping Tommy away from his home and abusing him in secret and, in the end, destroying the place most synonymous with freedom from his rule. They intervened by getting Tommy and Tubbo to safety, letting Tommy (the kid who arguably suffered the most at Dream’s hands) take his items and beat him to death twice, then locking him up in prison.

Power Dynamic:

L’Manburg was significantly less powerful than Dream and his goons, with less skilled fighters and heavily inferior gear. They held their position fairly okay at the start, but after the Final Control Room, they were basically defenseless against Dream’s assault.

Dream had always had unprecedented power on the server. He’s leveled entire countries, crowns and dethrones kings when he feels like it, overruled the decision of a court of law, and in the end, had Tommy and Tubbo completely at his mercy before the intervention. Even beating Dream was seen as such an insurmountable task that it took fourteen people (excluding Clingyduo) to take him down.

The thing about conflict, even violent conflict, is that it’s not always negative. If your sister is being abused by her boyfriend and refuses to report it out of fear, you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find someone unable to sympathize with you if you go over to his house and break his nose.

What is a defining feature of conflict, is that it disrupts the status quo.

That’s not to say that some characters are always disruptors and others always preservers of the status quo. For example, during the Disc War, Tommy is the one trying to preserve and Dream the one trying to disrupt (the status quo being: Tommy owns the discs), and during the L’Manburg War for Independence, Tommy and Wilbur are disrupting while Dream is preserving (the status quo being: Dream has absolute power and the entire server needs to follow his rules).

It’s ALSO not to say that this disruption is always bad, because sometimes, the status quo fucking sucks, and throwing it on its head is the right thing to do. Overthrowing Schlatt is seen by everyone on the SMP and pretty much every fan as morally correct, as while Schlatt being president was the status quo, it meant he was ruling as a dictator, exiling his political opponents, imprisoning and heavily taxing dissenters, being verbally and physically abusive to his cabinet members, and forcing a guest at his festival to execute a sixteen year-old boy for spying for the political opponent he exiled.

Conflict being a genuinely good force of societal change isn’t usually brought up in the fandom though, at least not consciously. A lot of people, both on the server and IRL, see conflict only as a source of hurt and pain, and try to prevent or avoid it as much as possible.

And here’s where Dream differs from someone like Ranboo. Because while both Dream and Ranboo operate on the assumption that all conflict is bad all the time, Ranboo shows this by becoming conflict-avoidant to the extreme, to the point where he refuses to pick sides in pretty much any conflict, no matter how obviously good or evil one side is. Meanwhile, Dream shows this by becoming controlling to the extreme. Mitigating conflict isn’t enough, he needs to control everything to prevent all conflict ever.

In Ranboo’s case, this is less due to ideology and more due to personality. Ranboo is a deeply anxious person, and hates being in the middle of fights. He’s also… not very self-critical? He has issues with self-worth, but he very rarely takes a look in the mirror to inspect what it actually is he believes and says, making him very gullible and convinced of his own righteousness. But while that’s a VERY interesting character trait, Ranboo’s conflict-avoidance doesn’t make him a very good character to examine in the context of conflict and what it means.

So let’s look at Dream. Because, despite claiming to want to stop conflict, Dream CONSTANTLY starts conflicts or escalates existing ones. The L’Manburg War for Independence could’ve been entirely avoided if Dream hadn’t lashed out so heavily at a nation of pacifists who made their own area to avoid violence from authorities. As I explored in my George Vod Analysis, the griefing of George’s house would’ve been a lighthearted dispute between two people if Dream hadn’t taken over the entire thing and turned it into one of the biggest diplomatic crises in the server’s history. Mexican L’Manburg hadn’t even existed for an hour before Dream came by to kill its residents and destroy its land.

So why is Dream so focused on stopping conflict, despite constantly starting it himself? Why is THAT his hill to die on?

Simple. Dream wants to prevent disruptions to the status quo. That status quo being “Dream is the one in power and everyone has to listen to him.”

But you can’t say that out loud. If you say “everyone needs to listen to me otherwise it’s not fair”, you sound like a whiny five year-old at best, and a tyrant at worst. So, instead of saying that, Dream says “I just want to prevent conflict, keep the server peaceful.”

Remember what I said about one party being the disruptor and another being the preserver? Well, Dream’s status in the early days of the server is almost always preserver of the status quo. The only times he’s the disruptor is if disrupting that status quo serves to strengthen the status quo of him being in power. For example: Stealing Tommy’s discs is a disruption of the “Tommy’s discs are his and his alone” status quo, but strengthens the “Dream is the most powerful dude on the server” status quo, because the discs give him power over Tommy.

By fighting L’Manburg, he was trying to preserve the status quo, because having a government on the server meant he no longer had absolute power. Hell, REALLY early on, he decided to kill George and burn all his stuff because George had full diamond while everyone else was still running around in iron armor.

However, after L’Manburg’s independence, Dream’s focus shifted. Instead of preserving the status quo, he’d disrupt it in order to return to the status quo as HE wanted it, with no nations, and himself at the top.

But again, that wouldn’t look good. Making yourself the undisputed ruler of the entire server is not good for optics, so instead, Dream hides behind the excuse that he’s just trying to stop conflict, or seeking retribution for slights against his nation.

By this point, Tommy, the only person who CONSTANTLY refuses to bow to his demands, becomes his scapegoat. Tommy is loud, enjoys chaos and getting on people’s nerves, and causes, admittedly, a LOT of conflict. Lighthearted, non-serious conflict with very little actual consequences, but conflict nonetheless. It’s not hard for him to start smearing Tommy’s name, painting him as this feral child at fault for every conflict ever, mostly because a lot of people already believed something like that to be true.

The idea that Tommy is uniquely destructive or chaotic is complete bullshit. Tommy is definitely on the more chaotic side, but he’s not that much more chaotic or destructive than your average server member, he’s just really loud and annoying about it, which makes the things he DOES do stick out more. But Dream, especially during the Exile Conflict, continuously pushed the idea that Tommy is the only one creating conflict on the server, that Tommy is responsible for all conflict ever, and that without Tommy, everyone would be at peace.

And at some point… Dream started believing this himself.

His speech during the Final Disc War illustrates this perfectly. He tells Tommy that ever since he joined, there’s been nothing but war and terrorism and conflict, and that those originated from the attachments Tommy brought to the server. That, by cutting off his own attachments, exploiting everyone else’s, and getting rid of Tommy, he could restore the old status quo, before L’Manburg, before Tommy, when everything was peaceful and no conflict existed. Except, Tommy is too fun to fuck with, so instead of killing him, Dream was going to lock Tommy up in Pandora’s Vault, probably for the rest of his life, to continue breaking him.

This is a prime example of Dream falling for his own bullshit.

First of all, Tommy didn’t cause all those wars, he was actually on the receiving end of most of them. A vast majority of the wars and terrorism Tommy got caught up in were actually started by Dream, or Dream was actively helping the guy who started it.

Second, Tommy didn’t bring the concept of attachment to the server. He gets very attached to things, true, but attachment is a very basic part of the human condition. Even Dream, the guy openly shunning all attachment, isn't immune to it, in the end, he’s attached to the server as a whole, and Tommy, who he gave almost biblical importance in his narrative. Like Tommy said, if you have no attachment to things, why does anything matter at all?

Third, getting rid of Tommy and controlling the entire server with their attachments… that wouldn’t have restored the status quo, because the status quo exactly as Dream envisioned it never existed. He’s not chasing a past that was ruined by Tommy, he’s chasing an idealized fairytale version of the past where everyone was friends and frolicked around in the fields and there was never any conflict, before Tommy came along and ruined everything. Before Tommy joined, there was a SHIT ton of conflict, from minor disputes over theft, to the above-mentioned incident where Dream destroyed George’s stuff, to the lemon tree conflicts that wound up being taken to court!

Except, even this idea of Dream wanting to restore an idealized, made-up past is only partially true. What Dream is looking to return to and uphold is a world where he was the only authority and nobody questioned him. The status quo he wants to return to, no matter how much he denies it, is the one where everyone was at his mercy and he could do whatever he wanted without impunity. However, because he’s convinced himself that conflict is the issue, not disobedience, even if his plan succeeded, he’d have to keep the entire server in a chokehold to get them to follow his ideal plan.

Because conflict is inevitable. Anywhere where there’s two or more people sharing a space, you’re going to run into conflict at some point. People will have disagreements, they will fight, they will have miscommunications, they will have a bad day or accident and antagonize someone else.

Resolving these issues through conflict, whether it’s verbal, physical or legal, will result in a healthier community in the long run, because people’s pent-up frustrations will get an outlet, and people will try to hash out compromises or accommodations based on the reactions they get. It’s not always the ideal solution, but it’s better than just sitting everyone down, telling them to play nice, and smacking them over the back of the head as soon as they start complaining.

But conflict threatens the status quo. And as Dream involves himself in more and more conflict, they increasingly start threatening HIS status quo. So in order to maintain his status quo, conflict needs to be stomped out as soon as it crops up, no matter how minor it is.

So, now to paint a timeline through this lens.

Dream started off as the ultimate power on the server, able to do whatever he wanted without consequence. Tommy joined and threatened that status quo, but he was just one guy, so keeping him away and occupied wasn’t too hard. It was fun, even.

Then L’Manburg came, and posed the first substantial threat to Dream’s rule. Dream tried crushing this rebellion before it had a chance to take root, but in the end, Tommy traded his discs (the things Dream was using to control him) for L’Manburg’s independence. The status quo changed, L’Manburg was here to stay.

However, L’Manburg still posed a threat to Dream’s rule, so manipulating events to destroy it became Dream’s next priority. He supported Schlatt during the election in the hope he’d destabilize the nation, then sided with Pogtopia in secret to help overthrow the government, then helped Wilbur with the TNT to blow L’Manburg sky high, then betrayed Pogtopia for Schlatt’s side for the revival book. When Pogtopia won, Dream was egging Techno on through whispers to try to get him to go ape shit, so with Techno’s withers and Wilbur’s TNT, L’Manburg was gone, and the old status quo had been restored.

Except it hadn’t been. L’Manburg was rebuilt, with Tubbo at the helm this time, and a new status quo was put in place, with L’Manburg still there and still a threat. However, with Wilbur’s death, Tommy was left almost completely unprotected, and Dream took his chance to get Tommy thrown out of the country, hoping to get his biggest threat out of the way, as well as being able to sink his claws into the L’Manburg Cabinet.

Dream isolated Tommy in exile and tried to break him to the point where he wouldn’t put up any resistance. During this time, he also commissioned the prison, which he claimed to only be for the most dangerous members of the server, but is a pretty transparent attempt to enforce his rule by making a place where he can stick anyone who disobeys him. The server is slipping more and more out of his control, with more factions popping up and more people outright defying him, so like any dictator, he takes harsher and harsher measures to stay on top.

Tommy escapes exile, and while Dream is keeping tabs on him, he can’t directly control him anymore. So, to prevent Tommy from returning to L’Manburg and stopping his plans at disrupting the status quo, he blows up the community house, frames Tommy for it, and goes to Tubbo to demand Tommy’s disc, the only reason destroying L’Manburg was disadvantageous for him. Tommy jumps in to defend himself and takes L’Manburg’s side, but in the end, Dream takes both the discs, then destroys L’Manburg with Techno.

By this point, the status quo Dream wanted to craft is almost complete. L’Manburg is gone, there are no other major factions threatening his rule, and he’s pretty much set a precedent for what happens to dissenters. All he needs to do now is get rid of Tommy.

Except he can’t kill him. Over time, Dream has become obsessed with Tommy, to the point where he’s started seeing Tommy as the lynchpin of the server that everyone else gravitates around. Tommy is almost a living MacGuffin: he brings chaos and attachment which gives him power, but in the right hands, that power can be harnessed to create order.

(This is absolute nonsense of course, Tommy is just A Guy, his presence itself doesn’t create chaos, and controlling him doesn’t mean controlling the entire server because a lot of people just plain don’t give a shit.)

So instead of killing him, Dream tries to put him in prison. He even outright says that he wants to finish what he started in exile, this time with even tighter control and no possibility for escape.

He goes to kill Tubbo for multiple reasons: Tubbo is no longer useful to him, Tubbo can be used as leverage to keep Tommy compliant in prison (the possibility to revive someone’s best friend is a pretty valuable bargaining chip), and Tubbo would absolutely raise hell if Dream threw his best friend in jail for no reason.

If Dream had gotten his way, he’d be able to blackmail everyone on the server into compliance. Tommy, his scapegoat, would’ve been in prison, so now without a scapegoat, he could’ve probably gone one of two ways.

He could’ve created a new scapegoat to blame all new conflict on. Quackity would’ve been a good candidate, he’s VEHEMENTLY anti-Dream, and would’ve had no qualms about starting shit with him. Whether it was with El Rapids or with Las Nevadas, Quackity would’ve been the biggest anti-Dream voice in Tommy’s absence. So c!Dream would keep Quackity around, blaming him for everything that goes wrong… Until Quackity would get too uppity and either gets murdered or put in jail with Tommy, and the cycle repeats until either people rise up, or everyone who isn’t completely subservient is in prison.

Or, he could’ve cracked down EVEN HARDER on conflict. Anyone creating a new nation gets stomped into the dirt, anyone fighting over resources gets murdered, anyone squabbling over griefed property gets thrown in prison for weeks at a time, all the while their property and pets that they care about more than anything else get dangled in front of their noses. Anyone who’s ever read any more than five pages about the dynamics of dictatorships can see that this kind of repression is basically ASKING for revolution, especially since Dream has shunned all friendships at this point and his only ally is only there because Dream pays him.

(this is all speculation, we don’t know what would’ve actually happened, dont yell at me)

The status quo Dream is trying to return to never existed, and the one he creates in the process isn’t sustainable. Stopping every conflict ever is completely unsustainable and detrimental to the larger community, which Dream knows, because he uses conflict CONSTANTLY to get his way, while still presenting himself as a peacekeeper. What he’s really against is disruptions of the status quo, because the status quo allows him to do whatever he wants and control the server as much as he wants.

Conflict isn’t inherently bad. Some conflicts are harmless, some are necessary disruptions of the status quo. Conflict itself is morally neutral, and trying to prevent all conflict ever leads into some… iffy territory. Remember when Ranboo yelled at the L’Manburgians for participating in conflict the day before Doomsday?

Anyway. Please examine situations with more nuance than “conflict bad”, it’ll make for much better analysis. Trust me. /nm

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[robotslenderman]

Ewww getting big privileged homophobe vibes from you. Blocking now.

Thank God.

I doubt you'll ever read this, but just in case hate-reading is your thing - I don't know why you bothered with anon. You're obviously not a follower because I talk about how queer I am here ALL THE TIME. I saw many queerphobes on that queer post, and even visited a few of their blogs. (Most of them were TERFs, except one - you, who claimed to be a trans dude. Maybe you are! Maybe you're not a TERF posing as a trans dude and you really are okay with being part of a movement absolutely dominated by TERFs!)

But there was only one that I left a comment on. You'd posted about how queer people are so horrible to call ourselves queer. Like the anthropomorphic personification of class and tact that I am, I trolled you by asking if my queer presence made you uncomfortable.

Clearly, it did. :)

So go ahead. Call me the first mean name that comes to your head, as if it bothered me what a random totally-not-anon thinks I am. I'm totally fine with queerphobes thinking my existence is homophobic, because the only way they'd understand otherwise is if I pretended I wasn't queer. My alleged homophobia is latched on to my identity as a queer person. The only way you would not accuse me of being homophobic is if I stopped calling myself queer.

So you use my very identity as a weapon against me. I am queer, and I am attached to not being a homophobe. You know that queer people do not want to be perceived as something they hate completely by anyone, strangers included, especially on a website where people harass first and listen later (if at all). So you hold us hostage - deny our queerness, and you'll drop your weapon. You'll drop the word "homophobic" and stop pointing it at me.

I'm not gonna cave to this.

Nor am I going to write an outraged essay about how I'm not homophobic. You know perfectly fucking well that not a SINGLE queer person is straight. You know perfectly fucking well that most queer people are same sex attracted or attracted to enbies. You know perfectly fucking well that queer people have accepted that part of us and aren't dealing with internalised homophobia or inflicting it on other people because we ACKNOWLEDGE our queerness and you can see this, otherwise you wouldn't be getting mad about it. In a homophobic society everyone has a degree of it, but by being what we are we have less of it than the great majority.

You know this perfectly well. Don't fucking pretend otherwise, I would have to believe that you are well and truly and sincerely STUPID to think for one second that you think I'm a straight person or a closeted gay person who's lashing out with malicious homophobia. Real homophobia, not "this person is part of a minority I am bigoted against, so I will claim they are inherently homophobic unless they get back in the closet or categorise themself in a way that allows me to fine tune my bigotry appropriately."

Because let's be real. Queer hasn't been used as a slur in decades and was reclaimed before I was even born. "Gay" was the slur of the time when I was growing up, but people like you never had a problem with that. Why? Because gay is clear cut and well defined. The problem people like you have with queers like me - the REAL problem, not the faux outraged you have made up about my label - is that queer means I have declined your insistence to more accurately categorise myself.

I mean, how else would you know specifically how to treat me? I could be bi and you might hate bi people, but if I'm a gay queer you don't want to aim the wrong type of bigotry at me by mistake - not because you care about gay people (you don't, because many gay people are also queer), but because you don't want to make yourself look silly by aiming the wrong type of bigotry at me. I could be queer because I'm an enby, and maybe you're truescum that would despise me for it, but you don't KNOW whether or not I'm an enby and that drives you mad! You don't want to risk alienating people who care about you by shitting on someone they might not agree is an acceptable target, so you target every queer and claim it's about a word when really, many queer people seek refugee under that term to hide from people like you, and you don't like that we can hide from you, so you try to strip our shelter away from us.

(And let's be honest. You probably don't even actually hate us. You're probably just afraid. Afraid of some identity you don't really understand because you've never taken the time to get to know us, or afraid that society will accept you less if we're "competing" for acceptance and so take some of the spotlight... I won't shit on you for fear, anon. We are all afraid of something. But I absolutely have a problem with how you're choosing to knowingly hurt people to cope with it. You called me "homophobe" to hurt me. There was no other way to possibly interpret the context of what you were saying. You meant to do this.)

So take away queer. Take away the shelter of queer. Force every queer person to divulge, upfront, who they are that makes them friends with queer. Force them out of the closet and pretend THAT'S not homophobic.

Send the gay queers back to the L and G of LGBT, let the TERFs flush out the trans people who are queer because they're trans* and shoo them away from LGBTQ spaces. Or maybe you really are trans, but you want to kick out straight trans people, or enbies, or pan people, or bi people, or ace people, or, one of the many populations that make up the true queer community.

* Not all trans people are queer, but many are BECAUSE they're trans. I would say "many are queer because they identify as queer" because that makes it sound like queerness isn't an inherent part of who we are and gives people like you ammo I have no interest in supplying you with. "Aha! So you CHOOSE to be a slur!" I just know you'd completely ignore everything I said to the contrary and say that.

Yes. The true queer community.

We've told you again and again that we're not calling you queer. We've told you again and again, if you're not queer, you're not part of the queer community. You're LGBT+, not queer. I'm not part of the LGBT+ community, I'm part of the queer community.

The queer community is not the true community of people who aren't straight and cis, that's not what I'm saying. We're not any more or less LGBT+ than you. I'm not invalidating the identities of people who aren't straight and/or cis, because they are who they are, and you don't need to be queer to be LGBT+. But we are the true queer community in that we are queer, and people who are LGBT+ but are not queer are not queer. Only queer people are queer.

("But people use queer community as an umbrella term to mean people who aren't queer, but are still LGBT+!" Buddy, if I have to deal with being called LGBT all the time even though it's not true, while having the people who use LGBT obviously mean me too because I'm not straight, then you can live with it too. That's mostly straights doing that, in which case you have no reason to get mad at US, or people who are are making something for a straight audience or a questioning audience, in which case they're making it accessible because not everyone knows the nuance of queer and LGBTALPHABETSOUP discourse. Or even - and I know this thought is incomprehensible to you, as the centre of the universe - it's actually referring to queer people and queer people only, not LGBT+ who aren't queer. Actually, I love that idea! Queer history is now history of queer people, no non-queer LGBT+ allowed :D)

I've never felt LGBT+ even when I thought I was one of the main four letters. But I've always felt queer, even as my understanding of my specific brand of queerness changed. Queer is an umbrella term that is opt in, that covers any and all LGBT+ people who know they are queer too, who know they're one of us, or who simply choose to call themselves queer for whatever fucking reason they want. Some of us are intrinsically queer, some choose to be queer because of the inclusiveness or relative opacity of the term, and you don't know which one a queer person is unless you have earned our trust enough for us to tell you.

And people like you fucking hate that.

So you know what?

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because the people who actually know more about me than the few sentences I've given you know that that's a joke, and their good opinion matters more to me than yours.

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because because it means I've won. I've gotten under your skin, just as your bigotry got right under mine. You're furious you can't categorise me. You're pissed off that I could be one of the LGBT+ people you actively dislike and want out of the LGBT+ community, but are finding a hell of a lot harder to flush out of the queer community because we all look the same at first glance and refuse to give you information you feel entitled to. Because it's easy to force people out of the closet in the LGBT+ community, but much fucking harder in a meritocracy like the queer community. To get into the LGBT+ community, you have to tell them which one you are. Queer? No questions asked, cause you already told us all we needed to know! Welcome home!

But let's say this is all a strawman.

That you really are some well meaning person who has nothing against the more obscure queer identities and that you really do just have a problem with the word. That you truly do think that queer people, the great majority of which experience same sex attraction, are... somehow... homophobic just for using the word despite their advocacy against homophobia and total acceptance of that aspect of themselves and others. That our fight for marriage equality and employment and housing protections and human rights is rendered COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT because we used a word that Boomers and even some of gen X hurled at each other because a guy was a little bit girly, or a girl refused to grow her hair long, or because men were scared that a man would treat them the way they treated women. (Because queer as an archaic slur, ultimately, comes from misogyny as much as homophobia.)

Let's say you really do mean well and really do know people who were called queers instead of fags, or you really did grow up hearing "that is so queer" to describe things people didn't like, or you really did have "queer" hurled at you by straight people as if there was something wrong with you for not being cis and straight.

(Notice something, there? You probably haven't actually experienced any of that, nor anyone you know. This wank about who I am as a queer person - it's always aimed at us. Never the straights that used it against us. Nobody uses the word queer except queer people any more, I am 99% certain that you don't know ANYBODY who has had it thrown at them AS a slur, so that means that the only people you can target on your crusade are... gender and sexual minorities. Not cis/straight people. Because they're not calling us queers and haven't in decades.

That means you are knowingly targeting minorities over this EXCLUSIVELY, I am completely fucking certain..

... but I'M the homophobe?)

In which case all I can say is: I hope that the well-meaningness that's made you put this hateful thing into my inbox, that's made you say such hateful things to a minority because of their identity (there's a word for treating people differently because they're a minority, especially hostile treatment..), will outshine the hatefulness of what you're saying and lead you to a better way to express your desire to protect people.

If you truly are coming from a misplaced belief that we're somehow deprecating ourselves by being queer, and not a desire to force us out of the closet or to run off any gender or sexual minority, then I apologise for my hostility, acknowledge that learning takes time (and patience that I am unable to give, for I am tired of bad actors pretending they're not and cannot do it), and wish you the best in learning to be inclusive and loving so we can count you one day, at least, as a friend of us queer folk. Maybe one day we'll even welcome you as one of us. I'd love to do that more than I'd like to deal with THIS crap. I can't imagine me going off on you will have helped at all, but from in my experience people who want to protect gender and sexual minorities protect them. They don't target them. That's why I am writing this post under the assumption that you wrote this because you have bad intentions towards me as a queer person, and not out of a well meaning desire to protect anyone you think I've somehow hurt by being me.

In which case? Get fucked.

[purplecatghostposts]

Roleswap AU ideas: if you want something big, you could maybe do when the gang first gets to Xen. Or if you want something more low key, could do right after the resonance cascade cuz I'm very curious about how you think Gordon would treat Benrey in that moment

You. *Grabs your face* You are a lifesaver.

Also halfway through brainstorming I went, “hey what if I COMBINED them” so get ready, I’m doing both. In chronological order of course

——

There’s a list of things Gordon expected to happen when he joined Black Mesa as the newest member of the Security Team.

(Ideally, he would’ve joined as a Scientist but Gordon needs more money to put him through college first so Security will have to do. Plus maybe if he does well, he can get a good reputation with Black Mesa and his chances of becoming a Scientist will get higher!)

A few of them come true. Gordon sees real, actual aliens, machines that can accomplish beyond what he’s dreamed, and only becomes entranced with the idea of becoming a Scientist and working with all of this.

A few of them don’t quite live up to his expectations. Namely, it’s hard to make friends. Too many of the Scientists are straight up dicks- especially Dr. Bubby, god, what Gordon would give to punch that man in the face- and the guards aren’t all that friendly either. They’re not quite prickly but most of them just want to get their jobs done, go home, and never talk with anyone they work with outside the workplace.

It’s frustrating but Gordon gets used to it. A few people make it bearable and he falls into a rhythm that’s comfortable enough.

(Years start to pass by. One- three- five now. Gordon has enough money but he hasn’t gone to college yet. His life isn’t perfect but... Can he really uproot it? Will becoming a theoretical physicist really make his life better? Is that really what he wants? Did he already miss his chance at the life he wanted by waiting?)

Everything changes in the blink on an eye. Because in all the things he thought would happen in his time in Black Mesa, a Resonance Cascade was not one of them.

His name is Benrey and he doesn’t have his passport. Gordon knows for a fact that Black Mesa sent an E-Mail and several follow ups a week in advance about this new policy. Everyone else had theirs but this guy- Benrey- claims he never heard of it.

Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose. Company policy dictates that he has to follow this guy around for the rest of the day to make sure he actually belongs here. And Gordon was hoping for an early lunch break that he’s not gonna get. Typical.

Gordon follow Benrey- even into the test chamber which Benrey says isn’t dangerous though Gordon takes one look at the machine buzzing to life and he isn’t so sure. But Gordon continues to stick around, even after the machine goes critical.

Everything goes green. Gordon wakes up in the dust of a ruined test chamber. Alarms blare in the distance, reminding him of the disaster they have on their hands. Benrey’s already up, staring at the remains of a machine with an faraway look in his eyes.

Gordon gets his attention as he stands. “Hey!” Benrey snaps to attention, eyes wide but he relaxes somewhat upon seeing Gordon. “What- what the hell was that?” Gordon gestures in the general direction of the machine.

Benrey’s mouth opens and closes before he eventually mumbles, “S-shit happens.”

Gordon gives him a hard look. “Shit happens.” Gordon repeats slowly. Is he really not taking this seriously? “That’s all you have to say? ‘Shit Happens’- that’s it?”

Benrey shifts in place. The laugh that leaves him sounds almost off but Gordon doesn’t know enough about Benrey to know for sure. “What... What else can I say? I mean, shit like this happens all the time, s’not new, right?”

“I- what?” Gordon sputters, looking Benrey up and down. “No! It doesn’t! Are you hearing those alarms? I’ve worked here for five and a half years and I’ve never seen anything like this happen! This is a Resonance Cascade, Benrey! This is a fucking disaster and you-!”

Benrey’s breath hitches and Gordon doesn’t finish. And you caused it, the thought rings in his ears but he doesn’t say it out loud.

There’s a look in Benrey’s eyes- an emotion that swallows him whole- but Gordon hasn’t the slightest what it is. Because next thing he knows, Benrey is laughing again and stuttering out a, “I have no idea what this is, dude. What’s a... Resident Cascade?”

“Resonance Cascade.” Gordon corrects with a huff. There’s a lopsided grin on Benrey’s face and Gordon doesn’t know how to deal with it. “Fucking- come on. We need to get out of here as soon as possible. We don’t know what damage y- what damage has been caused. Whatever it is, it’s dangerous.”

Benrey waves him off but quickly heads for the exit. “Psh, we can handle it.”

Gordon bites his lip and doesn’t comment on that. There’s a high chance he’s going to be stuck with Benrey for a while and he doesn’t like it.

—

Gordon has a good feeling what’s going to happen long before they enter the portal to Xen.

He knows now. That he’s not human- that he’s never been human. The portal to Xen calls to him like a twisted siren song that he doesn’t want to acknowledge even exists. It crackles with a power that physically feels good but leaves a sick feeling in his stomach.

Gordon knows how this is gonna go. He tries to talk Benrey out of going to Xen but, well...

Benrey hasn’t acted the same since Gordon got his hand cut off. He listens somewhat but Benrey subconsciously holds his gun-arm close to his chest whenever Gordon says a word to him. He no longer trusts him, that much is clear. Gordon doesn’t blame him. He wouldn’t either.

Gordon is the last one through the portal. Benrey is the first, leaping in without much hesitation with Bubby following close behind. Gordon almost doesn’t want to go but he hears the ringing in his ears. Xen has been calling to him for a while now and seeing the portal makes it impossible to ignore.

Gordon enters into Xen. He’s hit with a wave of energy he’s never felt before, even before he makes it to the other side.

It changes him. Gordon doesn’t mean to do it but his body gulps down the energy like it’s starving for it and Gordon grows. His body shifts and morphs and threatens to become inhuman but even if Gordon knows, he holds onto his human appearence. He wants to be human for a little longer. Though he can’t stop how tall he gets.

And Gordon knows now. Black Mesa has been looking for Xen’s main powerhouse for a long time- they told Benrey to search for him. To find their strongest alien and to take it out. Gordon enters Xen and suddenly, he remembers everything. He might’ve escaped Xen a long time ago but his connection to Xen never left. It’s him. Gordon’s what Black Mesa wants gone.

It’s almost funny. Gordon’s been working at Black Mess for years now- they could’ve dealt with him ages ago and would’ve been done with it. It’s a set up to a bad joke that Gordon wants to laugh hysterically at anyways because it’s so goddamn funny, isn’t it? His life has been a giant joke and it’s not even a good one.

Typical. Gordon never had good luck anyways.

It’s impossible to hide when Gordon arrives at Xen. He stands, far taller than any human could ever be and looms over the rest of the team. He stares down at them with tired eyes, knowing nothing is going to go his way. Everyone else backs up upon seeing him, looks of shock and terror on each of them, except for Benrey. Benrey doesn’t move, frozen and staring up at Gordon with wide, unblinking eyes.

Gordon knows the look on his face now. He’s seen it enough times that it makes him sick. In the testing chamber, a few times when they got attacked by soldiers and aliens, anytime they faced an alien far bigger than the rest, when Gordon left him at the mercy of the soldiers, when Gordon saw him again afterwards- Gordon knows that look like the back of his hand, even if he didn’t understand it the first time he saw it.

It’s fear. And Gordon caused it.

“It’s you...” Benrey’s voice shakes, staring up at him. He doesn’t have to elaborate, Gordon knows what he means.

“It’s me.” Gordon nods, resigned.

He doesn’t blame him when Benrey runs.

——

This was a veryyyy fun write, I’m not gonna lie. Thank you so much for the suggestion! If you got another one, feel free to send it! I hope y’all enjoy!

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.7

Of Monsters and Men

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)      x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 2490

Summary: ‘Nat’ and the boys are still on the road and to kill the time more than anything, they talk monsters and most importantly, witches. 

You know what they say: speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Warnings: mentions of violence, monsters, supernatural elements, mentions of amnesia and interesting dreams and swearing (always)

Story masterlist

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“Hold onto me tight. Can’t have you falling off, doll…”

“You’re such a troublemaker-“

“I want to see you come undone first. Can I, doll?”

“Do I look unwilling, doll? I’m actually pretty eager to find out how long do you need to recover…”

“Eyes on me, darling-”

You jolted awake with a gasp for air, your eyes snapping open into sharp midday sun. It took you a second to realize where you were, what the low purr under your body meant, music on low volume and a male voice softly humming along.

You blinked, meeting Sam’s gaze as he turned his head to face you.

“Hey. You alright?” he asked, concern furrowing his features.

You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the blood rushing to your cheeks at the memory of the dream. They were bits and pieces, sweet and hot, yet leaving dull ache in your chest in their wake. You were absolutely sure this was your consciousness recalling moments with your soulmate, but you were unable to make anything useful of them. It was like chasing ghosts – eh, actually, did ghosts exist? What was it like, chasing them? Never mind-

You were supposed to be a ghost, because apparently you had died.

Alright. Shake it. Snap out of those messy thoughts.

The more awake your body got, the more you realized your chest wasn’t the only thing that was tense and it wasn’t only your neck that nearly cramped.

“Yeah,” you muttered finally, while Sam’s eyes managed to get really worried, still on you. “Just… call of nature.”

In more than one ways. Your bladder might actually burst soon, but you couldn’t deny your arousal either. Gee. Why did it have to be that kind of dream you had? Why couldn’t you see your soulmate’s face clearly instead? Nope scratch that, his ID would be better, complete with his freaking address.

“Hold on for about half an hour, Nat. I’d like to stretch my legs anyway and Garth should be waiting for us.”

You smiled at Dean despite him being unable to see it, his eyes focused on the road. It was sweet of him. You might as well be sweet back.

“Thanks, Dean. And you can turn the volume up, if it was low just because of me,” you hummed, holding back a chuckle when his hand immediately moved to the radio.

“Thanks, Nat. Wanna tell us what that dream of yours was about? You seem a bit shaky,” he nudged, surprisingly gentle. You would expect such approach from Sam, but he only glanced at you, apparently wanting to know as well.

You sighed, wondering how to put it without sounding like a horny teenager.

“It’s… I think they’re like memories? But they don’t make any sense,” you said in the end, casting your glance down, fiddling with the hem of your shirt, fingers interlacing and disjointing again. “It’s my soulmate, I know as much. Or, you know, I’m pretty sure. It’s nothing useful though.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam soothed, his voice genuinely regretful. You just shook your head, sending a sad smile his way.

“The only pattern is a… a pet-name, I guess.” Well, until now, it was just one. ‘Darling’ was new. “He keeps calling me ‘doll’.”

You didn’t know why you told them, you weren’t planning on it. Except they were so genuinely nice to you it hurt and you felt like honesty was the least you could give in return. Now, you could practically touch their surprise.

It was Dean who commented on it, but not in a malicious way, which you were eternally grateful for.  

“Doll, huh? Maybe he’s a mafioso. Sounds like something from an old movie. Heh, maybe you time-travelled too!” he speculated out loud and you only gulped, not as amused as you should be. Was that a thing? Time-travel?

“God, I hope not,” Sam whined, effectively startling you. So it was possible?

“Nah, I bet it’s just him being a gentleman, ya know, the old-fashioned kind of guy. After all, how could he not, having such a… swell dame for a soulmate?”

Both you and Sam eyes Dean with wary and confusion.

“Since when you’re an expert on war era slang?” Sam demanded, amused surprise lacing his voice.

“Simpler times, Sam. Simpler times. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Sam just chuckled, shaking his head. You laughed as well despite not quite understanding what it meant. You simply enjoyed the banter and teasing that was strengthening their brotherly love; you already caught up that much, that they loved each other greatly. How could they not? They were both absolutely amazing despite their differences.

People might find it strange for them to be so close at their age – not that you knew theirs precisely, or yours for that matter – but you thought it was endearing. If they killed monsters for living, their lives couldn’t be normal and conventional, could they? It spiked your interest once more.

“Alright. What can you tell me about what you do and how you get your money?”

“Not sure you wanna hear that, d-- now I have the nickname stuck in my head, dammit. It’s not a pretty chat, Nat. You sure?”

You nodded, but agreed out loud for the god measure. After all, Dean was still driving.

“Your choice. We hunt monsters. But let me tell you, humans are actually the worst… well, humans and witches…”

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Dean and Sam hadn’t even told half about the monsters that lurked in the shadows and you already felt overwhelmed, grateful when you reached Bedford and the older brother called his ID maker.

Garth was a nice guy, if a little overexcited and goofy.

He called you a madam, gave Sam a newest book by George R. R. Martin (who?), which seemed to excite the hunter greatly and Dean received a piece of apple pie. You couldn’t remember your life, but if you had, you were sure it still would have been Dean’s smile that was the brightest you had ever seen. Note to yourself; when repaying Sam and Dean, a pie and a book were necessities.

Your trio didn’t stop to chat with the man for long though – you needed to be on your way. Garth was apparently in the business of hunting, because he made a face way too similar to Sam’s at a mention of witches. You weren’t sure if you looked forward hearing about those; you guessed they weren’t wearing pointy hats and befriending cats.

The remaining hours to your destination flied; the brothers continued to educate you in monster food chain (people were usually the food, which you did not enjoy learning), briefing you on existence of things you could barely imagine. Also, they weren’t only friends with an angel, apparently – they were also on rather good terms with king of Hell.

“King of Hell?” you parroted, bewildered. What the h— heaven?!

“Yeah. Dean used to be bestie with him, too,” Sam quipped, half delighted at his brother’s annoyed face when sharing this fact, half bitter for pretty obvious reasons.

“Dude.”

“You keep the weirdest company,” you stated, your head buzzing with all the info you got. You grimaced when you realized that the company included you.

“We know,” Sam sighed, turning his tablet on. “But it’s not all bad. I mean, Garth, the guy you just met… he’s a werewolf and-“

“He’s a WEREWOLF?!” you yelped, causing the brothers jump in their seats and Dean jerk the steering wheel aside, throwing you all of balance.

“Christ, woman! Keep the volume low!” the driver spitted out as he returned to the correct lane, ignoring the honks of other cars. “I know, I know, shut up, I’m not drunk…”

“Sorry,” you blurted out on autopilot, your mind pre-occupied with the fact that the sweet dorky guy you had just met was a fucking werewolf.

It was Sam’s turn to apologize or he thought so. “My bad. I shouldn’t have just dropped that on you.”

“But he was so nice!”

“If you say so,” Dean assented reluctantly, voice dripping with doubt. You weren’t trying to figure out why he questioned such an obvious thing. It wasn’t your place. Not to mention you were still too astonished by the announcement.

Sam cleared his throat. “Anyway. We have two victims so far. Both are young women, Alicia Peters, 16 years old and Helen Sanders, 16 as well. They were apparently classmates, rather good students, but not friends. One of them was found three days ago, the other yesterday. They both sneaked away in secret, some other classmates claimed to them being… eh, giggly. They thought they had new boyfriends,” Sam summed up, while Dean nodded every now and then. “Why do you think witches? Could be dragons… which would be probably even worse.”

“…dragons? You’re joking.”

Dragons were real now?!

Dean ignored your incredulous remark. “Virgins, right? That’s what I thought. But check this out – according to the coroner, they had a puncture wound over their heart like from some very thin needle – or, more likely, a very thin straw, because their hearts were completely drained of blood.”

Your head was definitely spinning now, your stomach flipping over. You had been getting hungry before, but not so much anymore. You wanted to tune the conversation out, but it was inevitable to hear it. Your ears wouldn’t listen; it was like watching a train-wreck happen and being unable to draw your gaze away. Morbid curiosity played a part too.

God, you really were weird company.

“That’s disgusting,” Sam stated, his fingers moving swiftly over the screen.

You only hummed in agreement, trying to get the visual from your brain. Soulmate. Think of your soulmate and his sultry voice calling you doll. You took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, shocked that it actually worked. His voice washed over you, cocooning you in a soft blanket.

“Tell me about it,” Dean agreed darkly, but Sam held out his hand all of sudden, causing both you and Dean freeze.

“What?”

“They found two young men this morning. John Doe One and Two for now. They were…” Sam wavered, eyeing you in the rear-view mirror. Now he was checking with you? You guessed your face was pale as a sheet of paper, but hey, it wasn’t like you couldn’t just try and cover your ears. You nodded at him encouragingly and he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “…found in one bed, stabbed in the heart and… ugh, with their… tools ripped off.”

Dean winced, while you just blinked. Did he mean like… wow. Oh, wow. You weren’t sure how to react to that.

“There was a note. We apologize for ruining such pure lives of the sweetest kind and as a prove of our remorse, we present their families with-“ Sam faltered in his speech, gagging. “Yeah, alright. Apparently, the missing part of their bodies was found with the… note. No need to go into details.”

“Yeah, Sammy, I’d be pretty grateful if we stopped talking about that. What now, though? Do we believe this crap?”

“You could have an ally,” you quipped shyly, receiving Sam’s sigh in reply.

“Brutal one, but yes. We need to at least check it out.”

“Yeah, but we get a lunch before that. I need something to comfort me. You traumatized my love muscle, Sam. Do you have any-“

“Yeah, alright, just… stop right there,” Sam stopped his brother, as if shielding himself from TMI by holding out his palm against Dean. “Got it. We need to stop for a bite.”

You giggled, the sound interrupted by your stomach growling. When had you got your appetite back?

“I guess lady in the back agrees,” Dean hummed, grinning in Sam’s direction. You laughed when you came to conclusion that he enjoyed making his younger brother uncomfortable, Sam making a face back at him as he realized the same.

They seemed like a greater pair of siblings the longer you spent with them.

It only took several minutes to get to the town and find a place to eat; Dean seemed to have a talent for finding food, which you appreciated immensely. You hadn’t been eating much, ashamed of using the brothers like that, so you were hungrier than you would be willing to admit. You had a sneaking suspicion that Sam was beginning to notice, because his eyes were narrowed as you picked the cheapest thing on the menu that appeared edible.

“You’re not eating,” he pointed out bluntly the moment the waitress left.

You just gaped at being caught and so shamelessly called out. Dean’s gaze shifted to you and now you had two men glaring at you keeping you company in the boot.

“I’m… not hungry.”

“Your stomach said differently,” Dean reminded you with his eyebrow arched in challenge. You opened your mouth uselessly, the protest dying in your throat at the intensity of his bright green eyes. “If this is about money, get your head out of your ass, Nat. You need to eat.”

“But-“

“But nothing. We’re having a desert,” he shut you up effectively, not permitting any objections.

You sighed, guiltily merging with your seat. A menu was placed in front of you, Dean’s fingers pointing at it.

“Actually, you’re picking one right now.”

You wordlessly obeyed, defeated. “I don’t mean to be difficult,” you whispered apologetically and Sam just shook his head with a smile.

“We know. And I get it, you don’t want to impose and use us, but… we chose to help you. Try to accept it, alright?”

You only nodded, determined to at least find the best dessert. The corners of your lips quirked when you found it.

“Looks like we’re in for an apple pie,” you decided, smirking in Dean’s direction. His eyes lit up and you couldn’t but feel the warmth around your heart at that. You actually did that, made him smile. Maybe you weren’t the worst company in the world after all. “Unless you’re sick of it after-“

Dean’s hand snatched the menu away, shutting it close. “Shut you piehole, Nat.”

Sam laughed as they brought your food.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

You were just finishing your infamous dessert, when the brothers stiffened at the voice coming from behind their back, the other side of the boot.

You frowned, not finding anything strange about the female voice with British accent.

“Thank you, darling. It will be all,” the woman said politely.

The moment the waitress left, Sam and Dean stumbled from their seats and towards the other boot. The tension in their shoulders only grew and they let out a ridiculously synched irritated sigh, multiple emotions playing on their face; you caught annoyance and a bit of anger for sure.

“Rowena,” Sam greeted her in pretended politeness and you couldn’t but check the situation out. They didn’t seem to be happy about running into their acquaintance.

You got a glimpse of a redhead sipping at her tea delicately, her pinkie raised as she held her cup.

“Hello, boys.”

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

Part 8

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺ 

I adore that woman, I swear. She’s so classy and sassy. 

Also, for those who haven’t seen SPN, I extended the guide at the end of chapter one - you’ll find ‘Chuck’ and ‘Rowena’ there ;)

Thank you for reading!

[walker-journal]

Seeking Sanctuary (Bex + Adam)

Participants: Bexley Ochsenstein (Spellcaster by Envy), Adam Walker (Hunter by Tapir)

Context: Two very unlike people encounter each other at the temple, and voice mutual doubts in a discussion about the nature of faith and identity. 

Content Warnings: Religious Idealization, Discussions of Sexism and Transphobia (civil discussion), Mentions of post-traumatic stress and military conflict

Faith for Adam was a complicated subject. You’d think that knowing for certain that demons, life after death, magic, and souls existing would make faith easy. Adam technically knew the answers to alot of questions your average believer struggled with. There was no dread mystique to supernatural evil when your parents had taught you which tentaclely organs the laser beams came from. But that was exactly the problem.

Adam had grown up with Hell and all your worst nightmares simply being objective fact, an everyday reality that needed to be fought with tactics, technology, and sacrifice.

But although Adam was well acquainted with the forces of darkness, the supposed other side of the equation was very noticeably absent. Where was the Light in all of this? 

Being a practical dude, Adam would’ve normally just dismissed tangential stuff that didn’t help you in the trenches, as Dad had...except...Adam had also warded off plenty of spooks with sacred symbols and watched with his own eyes as holy water burned undead killing machines to sterile dust.

What was the creator smoking? Fuck if Adam knew.

Adam turned his gaze from absently contemplating The Ark whose displayed scriptural scrolls dominated the front of the synagogue. There weren’t alot of people here today, but Adam found a familiar face in the pews nonetheless.

“How goes it Odelia?”

Prayer was something Bexley had never really gotten the hang of. She knew all the prayers to recite during Yom Kippur and Passover. She had memorized the passages for her bat mitzvah, and she had memorized enough to get through Temple. But when it came to personal prayer, when it came to sitting in Temple alone and staring up at the alter and around the pews, Bexley had no idea what to do. She hadn’t figured it out in her twenty years of life, the disconnect from her faith a struggle. It was something her parents had noticed, but never pointed out, because Bexley tried-- oh did she try-- to connect with the world the way she knew they wanted her to. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to or couldn’t, but, rather, that she felt so outside of it.

She was not born in the right body. Though the Torah made no mentions of people like her, the bittersweetness of it still tunneled her vision of it. How was she supposed to connect with something that wanted to pretend she didn’t exist?

But she wasn’t here today about that part of her. She was here today about the part of her that kept exploding things. Breaking them. Nell’s pot still sat heavy on her mind. It was a ridiculous thing to be kneeling in a pew about, but here she was. She wanted whatever it was to stop. She wanted to have some sort of control over it. She was practically begging for the help when a voice cut through her mind.

“Adam?” She turned to look over at him, startled slightly. “I-- sorry. What’re you doing here? N-not that you can’t be here! I just...you don’t really seem the type to just...come to temple... “

Adam was generally inclined to agree with that assessment. Between dating a woman who had a Beanie Baby collection of demons and committing more degrees of murder than existed in any legal code, the Hunter was pretty sure Bex was being overgenerous with his being allowed in here.

“Last night’s DIE party was the kind you need to get sanctified after,” Adam asserted as he plopped down unceremoniously in the pew in front of Bex. “You should come sometime.” he wheedled playfully. “Make sure you have plenty to repent for on Saturday.”

But after a moment Adam paused, the mischief of flirting with a lawyer-dude’s girlfriend fading. Dark brown eyes looked over Bex again, this time without lewdness or jest.

“How’re you holding up Bex,” Adam asked quietly with more intentionality than the previous address.

As Bex looked at Adam, she tried to pinpoint exactly what it was that Nell saw in him. Maybe it was something she couldn’t see, because all she saw was a rather lewd frat boy, who sometimes had that far away sad look in his eyes. Maybe that was really just the persona he wanted others to see-- Bex could relate to that. The happy, chipper girl she pretended to be in public for her parents wasn’t who she was at all, and her being here right now sort of proved that. She had to look away from him, furrowing her brow and smoothing her palms down the front of her dress. She always tried to look nice when coming to Temple.

“I don’t think those kinds of parties are really my style,” she answered quietly. Took a moment to look around to make sure there wasn’t anyone too familiar in here with them. But it was relatively empty today, with only a few people milling about and the Rabbi making rounds before disappearing back into his office. Her eyes settled back on Adam and he had that sad look again. He even used her right name.

“I’m fine,” she said curtly, “just...getting used to being back in White Crest. Kind of a whole different world out there than it is here, you know?” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s the real reason you’re here, Adam? Repentance also doesn’t seem up your alley.”

While Adam had been trained to deceive and achieve invisibility by fulfilling others assumptions, he wasn’t so far gone that Bex’s directness couldn’t still get a rise from him. Adam blinked and his face became briefly uncertain, as if the Hunter had flubbed a line in a script and broken character in front of an audience of one. “I’ve gotten in over my head,” the murderer admitted after a time.

“I’ve been trying to just tough it out,” the Hunter continued, referring to the abuse and torments of a demonic cult in the tone someone else might’ve used for minor health difficulties. “But I’ve running on fumes for so long now that like...eventually you’ve got nothing left. No more second winds, no just pushing on through,” the athlete explained.

“I’ve never like been close to really hitting that wall one other time before,” admitted Adam in memory of when his power and faith had shattered on Lyssa’s peak. “I’m uh, not liking my chances here.”

Adam encompassed the synagogue’s interior with a vague sweeping gesture that implied that perhaps the soldier wasn’t so much seeking redemption as reaching anything to keep from plummeting off a cliff.

“Do you prefer the world out there Bex?”

Bex looked at Adam and listened to his words. Whatever he was going through, it seemed rough on him, like it was wearing him down. Sands blasting down his walls and carving them away, smoothing them away. Eventually, they would become nothing. Just like hers. She felt a pull at her heart and she had to look away to not totally give up her shiny exterior. Cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes.

“Don’t you have like, people to help you?” she asked. “You know you don’t have to go it alone. That’s sorta the point of community.” She gestured to the area around them. There were so many other people he could’ve gone to bother, why did he have to choose her? Still, a sense of curiosity pulled at her. And empathy. She knew what it felt like to be at the end of your rope. Her hands wrung together.

“What, um-- what happened? If you don’t mind me asking. Are you okay?” Was he dying? Did Nell know? She paused at his question. “I...prefer the world that I know I can interact with. It’s easy to...pretend to be something there.”

“There is someone helping me”, Adam admitted, “and I’m thankful I’ve got her help on this, but uh... “ The Hunter ran a hand across the back of his neck. “That’s kinna the problem y’know? Worried I’m just going to drag her down with me.”

Bex seemed to genuinely inquire about his welfare, which was kinna touching. As always, Adam had to weigh the difference between the necessary lies and giving the other people enough of the truth as he could. “There is a group in town that I think are into some really dangerous stuff,” was definitely a criminal level of understatement. “But I need evidence and to catch them in the act to make a citizen’s arrest,” Adam concluded. It was technically a lie, but as closest to the spirit of the truth as he could manage without going straight into Twilight Zone territory.

It was dangerous to say out loud. But as much as Adam hated to admit it, against an adversary like Ma’al these hallowed walls were probably studier than any military bunker.

“Why do you wanna pretend Bex? What makes this place hard to interact with,” Adam asked slowly, kinna intuiting what she might mean in his gut, but not wanting to jump to conclusions here.

“Is it Nell?” Bex asked, blurting the words before she could stop them. She paused, recoiled and bit the inside of her cheek. “Sorry. Not to sound weird, but I met Nell on campus and then we got talking and she sort of told me about you guys.” She burned to ask Adam if he knew that his girlfriend claimed to be a witch, and wondered what his faith-- their faith-- would have to say about that. She wondered a lot of things about Adam, actually, and Nell was one of those things.

“I think...if she didn’t want to be helping, she would say so. I think worrying about that is pointless.” Not that Bex knew Nell super well, but from what she’d seen of her, Nell didn’t seem the sort to do something out of obligation. She shifted, and leaned back.

“Whatever you’re up to, it sounds illegal and dangerous, and I’m studying law, so maybe don’t tell me what you’re doing,” she pointed out quietly, giving another wary glance around. She scratched her knees awkwardly.

“That’s...complicated, I guess,” she mumbled, furrowing her brows. “I want to pretend because...maybe one day I can’t stop pretending and it’ll be real. I know this might seem strange, Adam, but the world isn’t kind to people like me. Out there, in here--” she gestured around them, “it’s all kind of the same.”

“Oh,” Adam mouthed, feeling like a dumbass. Adam was typically immune to embarrassment or society anxiety, one of those side benefits of being conditioned to ignore fear and pain that might trouble therapists. Normally Adam would only grin and make lewd implications at the prospect of women talking in private about him. It’d never bothered him before, but for some reason the thought of Nell specifically doing so brought on a precarious uncertainty. “Yeah you’re right, I know you're right,” Adam repeated, “but still…” Knowing something doesn’t mean it can’t fuck you head anyway.

“Don’t you think we need to do illegal and dangerous stuff sometimes?” pointed out the vigilante.

Adam watched Bex’s face as she explained, his expression softened by a touch of awkward compassion but not comprehension. “Look I uh...can’t pretend to know what it's like,” he admitted. “This world is pretty dickish to women and I’m definitely not innocent of that, but there’s gotta be somewhere, or somebody, that can feel like a safe place y’know?”

“But still...what?” Bex prodded. She didn’t mean to pry, but she was curious by nature. And she began to develop a sort of friendship with Nell, so concern wrought itself through her face as she watched Adam. He always seemed so typical, but for some reason, up close like this with him, he seemed somewhat...different. There was something mysterious about him, about the way he talked. The things he hinted at. The casualness of his attitude, and the ruffling of his brow at the mention of Nell. Bex looked back down.

“No, I don’t,” Bex said, repeating the mantra in her head that her parents always told her. Be good, be polite, be strong. She tried her best to follow those, but she didn’t get them all the time. “My family is pretty strict about that stuff.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle hollowly. “I was kinda hoping that’s what I’d find here,” she admitted quietly, “but no one ever answers me.”

Adam let out a long exhale between his lips as he tried to scrape together some words to describe a gut feeling. Visceral stuff didn’t tend to lend itself to explanation very well, but here goes: “I’ve mostly ever done casual relationships,” Adam began. “I can’t do halfway stuff like...I’m not wired that way,” admitted the young fanatic. “Either it’s just a fuck.” Adam put a hand on one side of the pew’s back. “Or you care enough about them to give up everything,” Adam’s hand shifted to the other side of pew, perhaps indicating that the Hunter’s conception of intimacy was either a roll in the sheets or devotion to the point of self-sacrifice.

“Nell and I are trying something new for both of us,” Adam posited,”I care about her, but also don’t want to go so all in we can’t find a way out,” the Hunter said, perhaps talking about two things at once. “But as I said, not so great at halfway.”

Bex’s desolate mirth at divine silence gave Adam pause. His dark brown eyes flicked up to the synagogue's arched ceiling, as if checking to see if any angels happened to be fluttering about the eves.

“When I was on tour in Saudi Arabia,” the young soldier began after a while, eyes still contemplating the interlacing triangle mosaics. “One of my squaddies was this dude named Hasan. I was a dumass...ok dumbasser.. teenager and didn’t know shit about Islam and my Arabic was terrible,” Adam continued. “But like, we were on patrol together alot so we talked about stuff. One day we were looking at this camp full of bodies all ripped apart and shit,” the Hunter continued with conversational casualness, neglecting to mention that he and Hasan were not patrolling the wastelands against their fellow men.

“Hasan prayed over them before we bared what was left and I asked him later how he could possibly feel close to God out here, with all the blood and fucking torn up meat all over the sand. I was kinna messed up and lost my cool,” the Hunter confessed numbly, as if assuming that Bex would rightly judge him for this unacceptable lapse of composure on the battlefield. “Hasan just said that even here, even in this, Allah is not absent, We are no farther from his presence, evil is just distracting us from it.”

Adam’s lips creased into a rueful smile, “we talked more after that, he told me about this sage Rabia who was like this zero-wave feminist who went into the desert to chill with God and do survivalism.” The Hunter’s tone indicated that he himself might have considered going full wilderness anarchist on multiple occasions. “She was super smart and kind to the people who went out there to learn from her, unless they were offering marriage in which case she told them to fuck off,”

Scholars might’ve contested this summary, but Adam had learned about Sufi mysticism from Hasan in between filling hordes of Alghouls full of silver buckshot, so perhaps parsimony was forgivable.  

“Anyway, Rabia’s whole deal I guess was that she found that like..mosques, patriarchy, the state and all that shit pulled her farther away from God,” Adam continued in the manner of someone who’d emotionally connected with what his brother in arms had described, even if neither of the young warriors really had a handle on the deeper theology. “Love was where she felt God. Love for herself, love even for the sand and all the scorpions, the joy of just being alive.”

Adam’s eyes finally left the ceiling and found Bex’s face. The young man scratched his temple in a sudden fit of bashfulness in the wake of reminiscence. “Ok uh, I dunno where I was going with that but...I’m shit at this...but I guess uh.. like ...maybe a temple is wherever you feel closer to God, even if that's a desert or even just a state of mind.”

“I’m still trying to find my temple,” the fallen Hunter admitted.

As Adam talked, Bex listened. Really listened. She’d had no idea he was a soldier, or that he’d been on tour. She’d gone to Jerusalem once with her parents, and her mother had looked down at her and told her to be on her best behavior, because she was already wrong for being in the temple of their God. She remembered the harsh look her father had given her as they’d entered and she was wearing a dress and her favorite shoes and he’d scoffed. Maybe that was where her disconnect had spawned from.

Adam’s story broke her heart a little.

Bex couldn’t even imagine the pain of seeing so much carnage. Her sheltered life had let her grow up in relative peace. Death was not a part of her life. Shame was, though. Shame and guilt. She could relate to him on those things, even if it pained her to admit that.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” she finally said quietly, “that you went through all that.” She’d judged him preemptively, but he was perhaps suffering more than most anyone else in this Temple. “You know, for a frat guy, you’re pretty wise,” seh tacked on quietly with a tease. Perhaps now she could see why Nell liked him so much.

“I don’t know Nell that well yet, but it sounds like you really care about her. I definitely can’t give relationship advice, I’ve never even been in a real one--” she gave pause, stuttering over her words. Frank, her current “boyfriend” was a cover, and she’d just given that up, “--until now! But...what I’m trying to say is, I think it’s okay to not know. I think figuring it out together is kinda like...the point, you know? Of being with someone like that. Of trying new things.” Things she only wished she could try, could have. He was looking at her with those bashful, knowing eyes and she had to look away.

“This place scares me,” she admitted quietly, “White Crest.” She rubbed her arm, pulling into herself. “My parents always kept me so locked away, even when I lived here. And now I’ve been back for almost two months and already I feel like this place is trying to change me, take me away from the person I’m supposed to be.” She looked up at the ceiling, mirroring his movements from moments ago. “I guess I just wanted answers.” The ceiling told her nothing, and she looked down to meet his eyes again.

“You and me both, then,” she answered his last statement, the same sort of broken admittance ringing in her voice, “Guess we’ll just have to keep searching, huh?” Because there had to be something better than this, for both of them.

Adam stared at Bex for a moment at her condolence, stunned, as if genuinely not understanding why a story of battlefield carnage had elicited that reaction.

“Well uh,” a red blush crept up Adam’s neck as if Bex’s compassion had unmanned him more then any debauchery or public streaking ever had. “It’s not ...I didn’t mean it like..” the Hunter insisted as if associating the long war with suffering was something unthinkable. Perhaps it was even literally unthinkable, an emotional descent Adam didn’t think he could survive.

“It’s an honor to serve,” Adam insisted quietly. Even disgraced, powerless, and at the edge breaking, the Hunter couldn’t abandon what was killing him.

“You’re pretty understanding for a church girl,” Adam answered back to the praise he didn’t deserve, the crease at the edge of his soft smile hinting at a deeper more serious compliment underneath the playful plaudit.

If Adam intuited something off about how abruptly and awkwardly Frank entered and left the conversation, he kept his peace.

There were things Adam wished he could tell Bex about White Crest, about why her fears were valid and his gut feeling that this city was in a liminal space between Earth and the fathomless unknown. But preserving supernatural secrecy was one of the sacred charges his ancestors had passed down, and Adam couldn’t bring himself to break it even when it seemed they’d abandoned him.

Besides, Bex seemed worried about White Crest killing her spiritually, while Adam had his hands full trying to prevent much more literal death in vamp infested graveyards.

“Yeah guess so…” Adam stood as if he were about to go, but paused, mulling over Bex’s words again. Locked up? Take her away from who she was meant to be? Aw shit. Uneasy vibes compelled Adam to speak even when his brain warned he should stay the hell outta this. “Hey Bex, like if its ever too much,” he began slowly, “I know people you stay with. On the other side of the country, or the Holy Land even.” Mom never turned away guests in need...well, human ones.

“Sorry if that’s pushy,” Adam ameliorated, “and you can tell me to fuck off. But like...offer open.”

His embarrassment was almost immediate and Bex couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little. He might’ve had a seeming heart of gold, but he still tried to apply certain standards of masculinity to himself. She supposed some things would never really change. Still, it didn’t discredit anything else he’d said, or that he’d done. “Well I did,” she answered, “mean it like that.”

At that, Bex snorted. “Church girl?” she chuckled, shaking her head. “Seriously? That’s what you think of me? Geez, I kinda hate that. Maybe I was right before, pretending I could solve my problems myself instead of coming here.” She was mostly teasing, but there was some truth to it. She hadn’t entirely found her purpose or sense of self within her faith yet, even as hard as she’d tried to. She had books about Jewish spiritualism-- Kabbalah as it were-- but after her parents had found the first one, their anger had made her never want to open one again, despite her curiosity for them. Despite what little she had read about it giving her a connection she’d never felt before.

His offer, however, was sudden and abrupt and not at all what she’d expected him to say. She blinked, confused, before softening her expression and shaking her head. “That’s real sweet of you to offer, Adam, but I could never take you up on that.” Her parents would never allow it. They’d brought her back here specifically to keep her close, and she had a feeling she wasn’t going to be let out of their grasp for a long time now.

Her expression fell again, as he stood and started to make his way out. “You know, Adam,” she said, a bit quieter now, “you’re a good guy. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think maybe letting people see this side of you more often might be nice.” She gave a gentle smile. “I’ll see you around. Tell Nell hi for me.”

[lunar-lair]

Ok so like,,,,,,,,,Concept

Mermaid au but All the sides are mermaids and Thomas is the only human among them

Like humans still exist and stuff and it's probably modern day but mermaids don't really...interact with humans much

They aren't really *dangerous,* since most people don't believe they exist anyways, but mermaids just. Don't see them much. They never come out to deep enough waters or come by the coast at the right times or stay long enough, and most mermaids don't see it fit to expose themselves anyways.

Idk what fish everyone is yet, I plan on looking that up later, honestly, but I've got some Other ideas.

Anyways uh,,,,,,Remus is totally the one who finds Thomas first

He was with Roman, the two of them just seeing if any humans were hanging out near the beach. They were about ready to leave to go back to where the others were (they have a little grotto they've claimed for themselves that most other mermaids don't touch, probably mostly bc Remus terrifies them)

And then Remus stopped, hearing a human singing a song. That sounded like it was underwater. And was *also* an ancient siren's song, wh-?

Remus grabbed Roman by the shoulders and dragged him back closer to the shore, telling him to listen.

Both sat stunned for a moment.

Mermaids have their own language that most humans can't understand; it's a lot of singing and humming and clicking + a few deviations for different species, like accents for humans. Most of this language is due to mermaids being descendants of sirens, though nowadays they have different, more complex powers that align with a species and then deviate between people, in some circumstances, though most of them still relate to singing in *some* way. (Dw, the boys are all getting their own powers.)

Mermaids can understand humans, but just barely, most of the time. This human though, he was singing something they understood loud and clear.

They took a spot on a rock near him, Remus hiding behind Roman a bit. (He's always been the scarier of the two, and Roman is more social anyways. Plus...it was an old habit left over from when they were kids, ok? Don't judge.)

When the man stopped singing, eyes opening, he took a moment to look around

and then simply *froze* when he noticed fucking *mermaids* right in front of him, what the hell-

Thomas was just singing an old song his parents had sung to him when he was a child, why are there fucking *mermaids* here??

Roman quickly explained that *yes* we're mermaids but also YOU were the one singing an ancient siren song

And then the dude was like 'oh yeah I'm hearin ya' and they were like 'HH???'

Slowly, they explained that 'dude humans usually can't understand mermaids and we can't usually understand them, wh-'

And then the man's face scrunched up and he began speaking human speak, eyes widening as he switched again. "...how the Hell didn't I realize I was speaking in hums and whistles."

"Ya might be siren born!" Remus chimed from behind Roman, sharp teeth grinning wide as he moved out from behind him a little more.

Thomas was just like '???' and so they explained that 'yeah you might have siren descendants, we have a friend who knows more tho'

The twins talked with the man a little more, finding his name was Thomas and he was coming out to the beach because he used to come here a lot as a kid. Not to mention that the sea was...calling to him, he felt, as it always had.

"Definitely siren born," Roman muttered.

Anyways, after a little more talking and the boys introducing themselves-Roman and Remus, twins-and their powers-able to create anything they desire with a certain song and the right ingredients-they told Thomas to wait there and got the other four.

Thomas didn't get to ask what the "power" they mentioned was all about, but he simply waited.

Roman and Remus returned with the others, the twins settling on the same rock and most of the others just popping up from the water.

They introduced themselves, one by one;

Logan, able to help anyone understand or learn anything by simply humming in their hearing range. He's helped his stupid friends figure shit out like this a few too many times. He knows a lot about many things, as well; his powers are *made* to help people learn, and it pulls him to learn enough to properly do so.

Janus, able to deceive or trick anyone he wishes with the right song. He's also able to make anyone believe what he wishes them to, which he usually just uses to basically go 'psst. Taking a nap is a good idea' to his friends most of the time. He is not easy to trick, but he has a habit of lying, as it is what his powers are made for. It's also very difficult to get him to believe anything besides what he does at the time.

Virgil, able to make anyone fear or not fear anything at all. This is rather useful for keeping others safe and keeping dangerous people and things away from them aswell, but he himself is rather fearful, a result of his purpose being to manipulate others' fears.

Patton, able to spread any emotion he pleases, and able to sense emotions. This is useful in helping the others calm down and making sure they're ok. He's very emotional, however, and is often scrambled with his own between broadcasting emotions and sensing outside ones. A part of him is naturally against feeling negative emotions, as he fears he may accidently broadcast them. And either way, he's made to spread good, *useful* emotions, right?

And Roman and Remus' repercussions; Roman can only make certain things and same for Remus. Twins often share powers in this way, split between them. They also basically never stop thinking about what things to make, which makes them a little spacey. Remus is also prone to violent creations, and Roman flowery ones, as that's part of their bias as two halves. When they work together, it's absolutely perfect. Their harmonies are known for their beauty, similar voices harmonizing perfectly to put together things neither could dream of making on their own. Of course, it does take quite a bit of harmony from the two themselves, but they usually manage it. (There's a chance part of Remus' hectic personality is due to people disliking his creations for their darkness, and that part of Roman's theatrics and happy tune is part of trying to keep his side of their creations, but that's a different story, and a problem they're working on anyways.)

After Thomas asks about the "powers" stuff, Logan tells him simple and clean; "due to the fact that mermaids are descendants of sirens, we often have our own versions of their ability to lure others in with their songs. For instance;" Logan gave a simple hum, and suddenly Thomas knew the random (but slightly pertinent) fact that twin mermaids often have powers split between them.

As for the rest of the AU, Thomas just generally learns more about mermaids and stuff and eventually, over some time and some investigating into his family history that *yea I'm a descendant of a siren holy shit.* Thomas' power seemed to be a rather weak version of ancient sirens'; he's able to attract people to him, basically. People hear him singing and go 'wow he seems super cool I should talk to him'. Like um...friendship powers. Literally friendship powers.

Which is uh. Probably part of the reason the sides ended up becoming friends with him in the first place.

I don't know exactly what ocean creature everyone is going to be yet, and it probably won't change their Power(tm) (wow I need a better name for those) but it miiiight change their role in their group a little bit/the headcanons I have for how everyone is going to act, so I'll have to wait and see. For now though, I'll give you the basic idea:

Roman and Remus are the chaos twins, of course. They go around creating whatever the hell they want, basically-within reason. Mostly. Remus scares off any other mermaids for the most part and Roman talks to the ones that seem nice and assures them that they're just trying to keep their little grotto safe. The two of them were abandoned and grew up pretty much alone. They only had each other. They've got a pretty unbreakable bond-oh and also they have an *infinite* amount of teasing material and inside jokes.

Virgil also instills a little fear in most of them of specifically *hurting* him and his friends/messing with their shit. It used to be pure 'yeah fear us' when he didn't have as good as a grasp on his powers and just Panicked anytime anyone came up but now he's more like 'yeah just leave us alone pls'.

Janus? Absolutely the local mom. Goes around forcing everyone to sleep well and to eat and to *preserve your goddamn voices you idiots, I know we all love singing here but our voices are Important ok-*

Also forces Remus to stop chasing local tiny fish and is the only one that can really keep him in line. (Roman can too, for the most part, but he doesn't rlly mind Remus' random shit for the most part.)

Logan usually leaves for at least part of the day to explore and find more things out. He exhausted most tests he could of the other fives' powers to understand them better in about the first month, but he still has it filed away in his Memory Brain. (And that memory of his is exceptional; another important part of what makes his powers useful, and thus extremely pertinent.) Other than that he's usually telling the others off for doing stupid shit or telling someone stuff if they want to hear. (One of the others sits down every couple days and lets him infodump on specific fish and stuff like that. Sometimes verbally, sometimes through his hums, depending on the day.)

Patton is usually goin' around spreading good feels and fixing any bad ones he finds along the way. He's always checking on everyone, always making sure everyone's happy and ok, and they make sure he is in turn.

Sidenote for the Glasses Boys: yeah no I don't think they have glasses. Maybe it's more like...hm...they were born with slightly weak voices, ones that were wobbly. A simple fix, just as glasses are; simply more singing, more training of the voice, and they're mostly up to snuff.

Second sidenote, mermaids can sing without using their powers, but it's fairly rare as most see it as a necessity rather than something fun. The sides love singing, though, and random singing without a meaning at all can often be heard ringing through the tiny little home they've carved out.

I just realized I don't know how they sleep. Idk if/how this is going to work depending on what ocean creatures I choose, but currently the plan is they sleep in piles on the ocean floor, inside their grotto/cave thing. Sometimes just a couple of them sleep together, sometimes they'll all pile on. Depends on who goes to sleep when and what piles you want to join. The rule, though, is no one sleeps alone. It's just not as fun, and Patton insists. And we don't ignore Patton in this household, ok?

The twins like/hate sleeping together on their own depending on the night, though they almost always sleep together anyways. Just the two of them reminds them out at sea, alone when they were kids, but it also makes them feel *safe.* On the nights it reminds them of sadder days, they usually just beg one of the others to join them for the night.

It's basically a rule that *someone* has to oblige.

The twins don't sleep right without each other, honestly. Sometimes, though, they need someone else there to remind them of where they are now.

Idk what I'm going to do with the others' backstories, really. If nothing else, tho, current plan is that mermaid parents usually work like ours do; they raise a mermaid until it's mature enough to be out on it's own. This can change between species, though, and is mostly decided by the mermaid and it's parents according to species, preparedness, and like 50 other factors. So it's not quite as set-in-stone as it is for humans.

Remus and Roman were *certainly* too young when they were abandoned; maybe 10 years old when most leave at 16 to anywhere around 24.

No one knows where their mother went. Not even them.

Also just realized they don't have ages,,,,,,,,h

Note: mermaids live longer than humans (around 150 yrs mostly, deviates slightly depending on species) but they still use human ages, since they mature at...kinda the same rate. Sorta. Thomas, of course, will be living a little longer than most; probably 120 yrs or so, as most of his family is known for. (His great grandfather holds the record for humans at 140 yrs. Probably only a couple lines down from that og siren.)

Roman and Remus: 23

Virgil: 22

Patton: 24

Janus: 25

Logan: 24

Thomas: 23

Mermaid lifespans would probably be a lot shorter if most predators didn't know not to fuck with them. Even animals can understand that mermaids are *powerful,* and can and *will* protects themselves. Most mermaids live peacefully, unless they try to fight each other, which is actually kinda rare since they're usually loners or in small groups like The Boys are and they're usually pretty spread out.

Idk if I'm gonna do any romance for this AU...I'm kinda not in the mood?? Feelin like lettin this just be friends bein friends yknow

Idk. I think that's it for this idea for the moment. I'll come back with any major ideas/those ocean creature designations later, so yknow,,,,,,,,hype for that ig

[dolphin-bouillabaisse]

GO-ctober Prompts, 15

Inktober except without the ink, and with drabbles instead.

Prompt #15 - Legend

(previous | next | beginning)

(find it all on Ao3)

“You know, there's a story in my Mami's hometown.” Anathema sounds absent-minded, which is rare, but more understandable once you notice the empty glass of wine in her hand. “Been passed down for generations.” “How utterly fascinating.” Crowley mocks, but Aziraphale's tut stops him. The evening had been so nice, and they'd gotten to such a quiet, comfortable state back in his shop, he really doesn't need the demon to break it all with a few sharp comments.

“Do go on, dear.”

“S'just a story, about... this giant snake living in the woods nearby. Eating young girls. She told me to keep me from running off to far, I think.”

“Again: how fascinating.”

“Made me think of you. You know.”

“Listen, not every giant snake story from somewhere in the jungle has to do something with me-”

“There are a lot of them, though.” Anathema grins as Aziraphale refills her wine, sharing the wicked gleam in her eye. Their regular meet-ups have done nothing but help the inner bastard of the angel come out to play, especially with Crowley. He's not quite sure he likes it.

“I couldn't even have been in all of the places people claim to have seen snakes or demons.”

“Stories like that travel, though.” Newt, up until now the quietest of the dinner quartet, speaks up in an almost rambling voice, staring at his half-empty glass (it doesn't take much for him, Anathema has learned quickly. It took much longer to convince Aziraphale not to constantly be a good host and refill his glass. She's not yet gotten it through to Crowley, who's already topping him off, no matter how much she stares him down.) “Especially in older times, like, pre-media. Word of mouth, and fear of monsters, and such. Maybe you just showed up in a few places and then they told all the neighbours.”

“Maybe dragons is your fault, too.” Anathema throws in, grinning, thinking back to their last discussion.

Crowley opens his mouth once, twice. He wants to protest, but neither of the humans are in a state to give him a proper fight instead of continuing the taunt, he decides (or convinces himself). He shrugs and throws himself back on the couch next to them.

“Yeah, yeah, sure, alright. It was all me. Every bad evil monster in fairytales, every devil legend, all me. Happy?”

Anathema giggles quite happily, but Newt's face turns into one of regret – he might not be sober anymore, but he's definitely clear enough to realise that maybe, making an actual demon angry was not a very wise after-dinner partytrick (one which Anathema had perfected by now).

“Sorry, I didn't mean to accuse- I mean-” he stammers, but Crowley waves him off.

“Whatever. Probably would've gotten me more commendations from Downstairs if it was all true.”

“Oh, I'm not sure about that.” Aziraphale interrupts and earns the surprised stare of all three of them, even as glass-eyed as they are by now. “Do you really think Hell would've been happy with you being constantly discovered? We were supposed to lay low, after all.”

“Oh, really?” Crowley hisses, and Newt, who hasn't spent as much time with them as Anathema has – hasn't seen this dance and play as often as she – shrinks down in his seat. “Oh, really? You gonna tell me how to do my job, angel? Gonna say I fucked that up, too?”

“I didn't say that.” Aziraphale wipes non-existent crumbs off his waistcoat. “Especially not with that wording, thank you very much. All I'm saying is”, and that bastardly gleam is back, as Anathema tries to stiffle her giggle and Newt's eyes worryingly dart back and forth between them, “that there are rather a lot of times where even I heard about your workings from locals before I found you.”

Crowley is silent again for a minute – not, like with the humans, because he knows there won't be a fair fight – rather exactly because he knows he will lose.

Unless he turns.

“Assss if”, he hisses yet again, and Newt sinks a little lower, “as if you weren't just as bad!”

“Well, I wasn't.”

“Oh please!”

“I was always a bit more careful than you, dearest.”

“Oh yeah, absolutely, no legends about miracles or angel sightings or helpful glowing strangers anywhere-”

“But you can't pin them on me.” Aziraphale's face is triumphant, his smile a tad too bright. “I could name several angels who've come down for messages. And miracles aren't exactly connected to a person, are they? Not like a snake-shaped monster or, say, a handsome lurker with slit pupils.”

Crowley sputters, his mouth faster than his brain, which is not able to come up with any comebacks. He blames the wine, inwardly. (He's only had half a bottle. If he blamed it outwardly, Aziraphale would set him straight once again, knowing just how much the demon can handle before becoming unbearable.)

The silence hangs over them, a string pulled taught, waiting to snap and either make or break the evening. Anathema loves the suspense. Newt is terrified by the tension.

“There is a story my dad told me.” He breaks the silence, and earns three stares at himself now. Anathema expected a lot, but not for her boyfriend to start off the penultimate argument of the evening. (She feels quite proud.) “About a local Soho cryptid.”

“A Soho cryptid.” Crowley echoes, his eyes darting to Aziraphale, who is very uncomfortably trying not to look at him. A grin grows on the edge of his mouth.

“Yes.” Newt is either too inebriated to notice what he is doing, or too spurned on by the sudden rush of adrenaline of daring to talk. “He's told me when I moved to London, about this shop that's been open for like two hundred years. Which isn't much in London, I guess. But also about how the clerk never seems to change.”

Crowley's grin grows unbearable. Anathema is stifling her giggles again.

“Told me how he visited the place once and there was a picture on the wall of the opening on, like, 18-something, and it was the same dude standing behind the counter.”

Crowley barks out a laugh. He remembers that picture. He can see it before his inner eye, clearly – mostly because it's now hanging in the small flat upstairs, after a customer had made a comment that left Aziraphale stammering and sputtering to find an excuse.

“I thought my dad was just having me on, you know, wanting to scare me when I moved to a bigger city, but then-” Newt takes a sip of the wine, some liquid courage, “I went to some shops around the area, and they all said the same, or something similar. Or they had a story about the same person helping them and their great-grandpa. Or about the strange- ...the going-ons in the bookshop on the corner. There was a lady who called it a liminal space, but back then I didn't know what that was, so I thought she was just a bit crazy.” He throws an apologetic look to Anathema, who's not even noticed the implied insult, far too busy with both being proud of him and excitedly watching Crowley rise (quite shakily) from his spot on the couch and point an accusing finger at Aziraphale, who has sunk down in his armchair almost as much as Newt on the sofa.

“Aha!” Crowley hollers, and the finger keeps pointing. “I might be in medieval legends, angel, but at least I didn't brand my liminal space with my own goddamn name! At least I don't go around in a century old costume to have people gossip about me being some kind of ghost shopkeep!”

“At least my legends are nice stories.” Aziraphale tries to counter. It doesn't do much, as Crowley is already laughing with absolute victory as he falls back on the couch.

Anathema leans over to Newt to place a kiss on his cheek – he is pretty unaware what for, but he enjoys it nonetheless.

The evening's entertainment has been sorted.

(Crowley will not let it rest with the evening, though. The following weeks, not a day goes by during which Aziraphale doesn't hear a new story about himself the demon's found out from local residents. Crowley will recite them with utter glee, about how the bakery on the corner has kept to a certain recipe for generations now only because they fear it will anger whatever-Aziraphale-is-in-their-minds if they change it, how the old lady living in number 86 down the street remembers him being ever so helpful when her mother moved in as a shunned single mother 80 years ago, how he hasn't aged a day since he showed up in that ancient newspaper clipping about peculiar shops of the area.)

(He stops one day, Aziraphale notices, and it takes quite a lot of pushing and prodding to find out why – how the stories soon switched to the equally puzzling car parked outside the shops for decades now. To the string of handsome, well-dressed, stylish gentlemen that the Soho cryptid seemed to entertain – a cryptid with a type, they all agreed, a certain taste for red hair and good cheekbones and far too long limbs.)

(The argument is at an impassé. They decide to lay it to rest. Aziraphale, as a last act of bastard-ness, hangs up an old daguerrotype of the two of them next to the shop's till. Anathema spots it on her next visit and breaks down in a fight of laughter.)

[spidercakes]

Starker for 002 in the ask thing if you wouldn't mind dear author 💜 -StarkerBrain3000

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when of if I started shipping it.

Hard to pinpoint. I saw it probably just after Civil War for the first time, thought ‘hmm’ and then watched the massive backlash to it appear. Never paid much attention to it, though, mostly because starker didn’t sit in any of my inner circle of blogs I follow at the time, so most of it was peripheral and given the weird amount of hate Tony’s character got I already only followed hella select blogs in the MCU fandom.

I got way more into the ship about 3 months ago though. Went on a reading binge and then made this blog. I’m not sure why it happened to be when it was, but I’m already established as a fic writer elsewhere and felt a bit burnt out. This pairing has been like a nice vacation because I like producing content for it and this is a surprisingly interactive fandom? The most interactive I’ve ever dealt with anyway.

my thoughts:

Good lord people on this site take shipping and fiction in general way too seriously. Don’t get me wrong, I live and breath social justice- I have a gender studies degree- its a big part of my life. But antis seem to fundamentally misunderstand how fiction affects reality and how reality affects fiction. They remind me a lot of anti porn feminists in the 70′s claiming that porn made men violent towards women when that’s A- not definitively proven even now and B- you don’t watch an hour long porn flick and become a misogynist, you were already misogynistic and then the porn reaffirmed your shitty values, and the shitty treatment of women in the porn was because misogyny already existed in mainstream culture and was thus included in the porn. Which is generally how fiction affecting reality works- something preexisting in the culture is reinforced by mainstream media and then reabsorbed by the audience, which is why people can watch slashers without you know, turning into one.

And the fact that antis remind me of that particular group of feminists doesn’t leave me with a high opinion of them really. They lack a lot of critical thinking skills, don’t even seem to understand how fan fiction works also, and they also keep redefining the definition of pedophilia for... fuck knows what reason because it sure shit isn’t to help victims of actual CSA. They’re irritating at best and absolute hypocrites at worst- like who the hell says ‘save the children, kill yourself’ and thinks that’s actually acceptable?

As for the ship itself I’ve always preferred AUs, and this pairing is no exception though I’d never actually write it in canon. Canon sideways maybe, but it’d have to be pretty sideways for me to consider it. Plus I find it more fun to make my own sandbox to play in rather than the writers of the MCU’s box. I’ve already seen them in that setting, I want to play with them in new settings lol. That said I’ve not written much of this pairing before so its all new stuff and this particular fandom offers new tropes to play around with! That’s what had me most excited walking into the fandom, the way people toyed with the characters.

What makes me happy about them:

The unique dynamic they have- I’ve always been drawn to characters who have an interesting dynamic. Plus Tony Stark is one of my fav characters in anything anyway and I ship him with almost everyone (minus Pepper, no hate to Pepper!). I figure that’s why this ship came about too- Tony is interesting and well drawn out as a character, and I loved Tom Holland’s Spidey. He’s the best who’s had the character in my opinion so pairing them together was probably something inevitable. Other than that I like the way the fandom toys with their characters- not always in character, but still a lot of fun to read and imagine!

What makes me sad about them:

Well, half of them are dead, so...

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Good god, daddy kink. Its not even that I find it annoying, its just that its a hell of a squick for me so its difficult to find something that doesn’t include that and surprise daddy kink is not where I’m at as a person. Granted most people warn for it, which I’m grateful for, but it does permeate the fandom in a way that makes it a pain in the ass to find something I want. And honestly that’s really only it, and its more of a personal preference (seriously, no hate to anyone who likes that- you’re clearly all in good company lol, its just not for me) than an actual annoyance.

things I look for in fanfic:

I’m really picky about how I like Tony written. I’ve been writing the character for years now and fell into my own habits with him, though I do get pretty consistent compliments on how I write him so I’ll assume I do an okay job. But the result is that I have a hard time when people write him in ways I don’t like or wouldn’t write myself. Sometimes its just random squicks that pop up in a story, or sometimes I outright dislike the way he’s written. That said I do find that the starker fandom does the things I hate with Tony’s characterization in fic much less. 

This, I think, is primarily due to the fact that he’s made the more dominant one in the relationship always (and people treating top/bottom like its a fucking dominance thing is something that annoys me in general mostly because its built on the misogynistic idea that being penetrated is being dominated but also because sex positions aren’t a fucking personality trait but I digress). As per my previous rant I don’t care for the idea of the ‘top’ being the dominating one based on that alone, but I do like that people writing Tony in that way reduces the amount of Wuss Tony fics in the fandom. Actually, I don’t think I’ve read a single one like that. Its my Number One I Hate That in other MCU pairings, making Tony some weak little waif in need of protecting. Though I gotta admit I don’t care for Peter in that position either- clearly he’s capable and able, please don’t turn him into the wuss. Bonus points if everyone thinks he’s soft but then oh no he’s actually dangerous shit lmao.

Still though, my pickiness over how the character is written can sometimes hinder my ability to enjoy a fic.

My kinks:

Bro finding an entire fandom who likes feminizing dudes if fucking mint. I have my issues with the term, but I do feel men get the ass end of the stick when it comes to aesthetics and the easiest solution is to stick them in aesthetically pleasing shit and if that’s women’s clothing and lingerie so be it lmao. I also like the kind of gender bending that goes on in that too, I find it subversive in a way that doesn’t need to be spoken aloud if I want to swing it that way, or flat out more pleasing to imagine. Seriously, men’s clothing is boring as fuck so skirts? I’m here for it. Though I wish there was more fem!Tony stuff in the starker fandom- its actually something I write a lot of when I write him in other pairings (particularly winteriron).

Other than that I’m a big fan of anything sensation play related. So ice play, things fucking about with heat, sometimes electric play stuff, taking away someone’s senses (blind folds, bondage, blocking out hearing in some way- that type of thing). Things like feathers are nice too. I’m also fond of gags, preference for ball gags or impromptu cleave gags. Theoretically soft dom stuff though I will never understand why bondage is considered not terribly kinky. I know a lot of people are into it but the idea of trusting someone enough to tie me up and actually listen if I decide I want out of it? I have too many trust issues to relate lmao. But it does make for a good bit of fiction as I’m sure some of you have noticed in my writing (given that I do love to write some kinky stuff). If you want something sex related specifically for whatever reason public sex gets my goat, not sure why because if I were a random passerby I’d be pretty fucking annoyed at the people in the bathroom but hey, whatever floats your boat on the page, right lmao.

I’ve thought about some more extreme things too, knife play and toying with things like fear being two of those things. But I’d have to have the right opportunity and context to work them in.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Well, Tony is dead so. I would have preferred him with literally anyone but Pepper though. He literally had more romantic chemistry with Rhodey (who I do incidentally ship him with). But the MCU is  bunch of cowards so clearly they would never end up together. But they’d make a better pairing than him and Pepper, in my opinion.

Peter I’m fine with him being with MJ, I like them together on screen and I really like her character. If not her than Ned would also be a good pairing for him!

My happily ever after for them:

Well we gunna have to unkill some people but that’s what fanfic is for, right? Beyond that because I prefer AUs so much their happily ever after will depend entirely upon what universe I’ve imagined up for them :)

[misfitsluug]

just listen to my voice | kritz

aaa a aaa back at it again, i don’t know what to say so yeah akcjsmfn

/ t w o. /

▕▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▏

john.

The best way to start off summer is getting cute boys number.

My mind raced, I sighed dreamily while walking to work; music playing through my ears as I hummed along to it.

It was the next day, however today was bright and early, I took the morning shift so I could hang out with Cameron again.

Cameron.

I felt my cheeks heat up, I scolded myself for finding such interest in a guy I just met yesterday.

Either way, once I made it to the diner, I began mopping the checkered floors.

A couple of customers entered and I served them until I recognized a familiar face. "Welcome to Nanc- Smitty?"

"Heh, the one and only! I decided I'd pay ya’ a visit," Jaren explained, I smiled and followed him to a table, sitting on the other side of the table. "How've you been, Johnny?"

"Pretty good, actually. I met this guy yesterday during work and I- he's- he's really cute."

"Hm, my gay senses are tingling. What's his name?"

"Cameron, Cam for short. He's like one of those cliche bad boys but not really that bad, ya know?"

"You gonna see him again soon?-" A loud cough from same guy in the kitchen interrupted our conversation, I sighed softly and stood up. "Yeah, seeing him later today. I'll be right back, 'kay?" I spoke and he nodded, I brought the other customers their orders as I finally gave Jaren his own order, a simple strawberry milkshake and a plate of waffles.

"Aye, thanks Johnny."

"How many times have I told you to stop calling me that," I groaned, pulling out my phone to see (2) two messages. "What? You think I'm not gonna call you that? Plus, it pisses you off, therefore anything you say is irrelevant.”

"Yeah, whatever, asshole," I complained, reading the messages on my phone:

Buttface McGee : 'Hey broski, I'm going out with my friends. See ya.'

'Whatever. Have fun:)'

I replied to my sister's text and went to a different message that I was happy to see.

Cameron:)) -

'good morning honey :-)'

'Morning, ass-wipe.'

'yikes, woke up on the wrong side of the bed?'

'Nah. I'm assuming you're still in bed?'

'hey, I'm not getting outta bed till you calldjeidi'

'You okay?'

'just dropped my phone 😎' He replied, I giggled and sighed, to which Jaren noticed. "You texting him?"

"Heh, yeah. I dunno, for a guy I just met yesterday, he's being too nice," I said, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"Well, at least he's being nice. If he's ever acting like an asshole, I swear, I'll beat the shit outta him," He said while eating his waffles.

"That isn't necessary, Jaren. I'm just scared, what if we become more than just friends?"

"Then be happy about it."

"It isn't that simple," I mumbled.

"John, I swear I'm gonna punch you," Jaren threatened, sipping at his milkshake. I sighed almost hopelessly, then my phone buzzed again.

"Who is it?"

"Cameron."

"See, it's pretty simple. Why else he be texting you or give you his phone number? You fucking dummy."

"Whatever," I spat, I could see Jaren's small grin from the corner of my eye as I looked at the message.

'hey honey, whatcha' doing today?'

'I'ma hang out w/ a friend, wanna come?'

'no it's okay, i don't wanna bother'

'You won't be, he wants to meet you.'

'you sure?'

'yea, why not?'

'aight, call me l8ter then:))'

'kay uwu’

"Hey, do you mind if Cam joins us?" I asked and Jaren's smile widened.

"Fuck yeah, let him come. I'm gonna make so much fun of you," He claimed, although I didn't doubt him. I stood up and picked up the leftover plates from different tables, walking into the kitchen and cleaning before heading back to Smitty, taking his plates as well, then changing back into my non-work clothes.

I stayed around chatting with Smitty until my shift ended.

I sighed and stood up from my seat. "Hey, you ready?"

"Yep," Smitty stood up, stretching with a pained groan. "Yo, my fucking ass hurts from sitting."

"Hah, loser. I'ma call Cam, hold up," I said, Smitty nodded and I clicked his number, sending it into a call.

"Hello, my honey," He spoke, making me flustered.

"Whatever, nerd. You still down to hang out?"

"Yeah, I'll wait for you."

"Alright, I'll be outside your place soon."

"Cool, see ya," Cam hung up, I motioned Smitty to follow me to Cameron's complex. I told him about how he called me honey, how he's so fucking tall (he's 6'7), how kind he is despite the fact he wears mostly all black, how he and I went on an adventure and spray painted on an abandoned apartment wall, and how sweet Cam is until he said:

"You have a crush on him, don't you?"

"What the fuck dude, no!" I exclaimed, crossing my arms.

"Shut the hell up, I know you do."

"Do not!"

Do I?

"Psh, whatever, you oblivious fuck."

"Shut up bitch. We're here," I replied, standing in front of the fence, texting Cam that we're here, I immediately saw him walk towards the gate door and opened it. "Cam, Jaren. Jaren, Cam."

"Nice to meet you, mate," Cam shook his hand as Jaren stared at him flabbergasted (most likely because of how fucking tall he is). "Sup dude. So, where are we going? John mentioned something about an adventure?"

"Oh, it's a surprise. Wouldn't want to ruin the fun for you, just follow me."

"Something tells me he's gonna murder us," Jaren whispered to me, I glared and him with a tiny giggle. "Anyways, Cameron. Can I speak to you privately?"

"Yeah? I guess."

"Just stay back here, Johnny," Jaren winked, walking up to Cameron whilst I mentally panicked; Jaren isn't afraid of telling anybody anything.

I couldn't hear them anyway, which made me more anxious. Cam shook his head 'no' twice and Jaren nodded, walking back to me.

"What the hell did you—"

"Okay so, I asked him if he could tell us where we're going, he said no. Then I asked if he was gonna murder us, then he said no."

"Really? Why should I believe you?"

"Because we're besties," Smitty fluttered his eyes seemingly innocent.

"Fine, whatever," I rolled my eyes, looking at the back of Cameron's head.

His hair looked brownish in the afternoon light but his hair was a pretty dirty blonde, his black leather jacket wrapped around his waist with a white shirt and black ripped jeans; which didn't at all fit his personality and I wish I could tell him that. Then I slowly realized where he was taking us.

"Hey, isn't this the way to the train tracks?"

"Bingo! Except we're taking a bit of a short cut," Cameron continued. "Because I don't want the cops chasing us again, decided on going this way."

"Wait, you guys were chased by the cops?" Smitty gasped.

"Yeah, you didn't tell your little friend about that? About how amazingly awesome and hot I am?"

"No, I didn't tell him about the cops," I said prior to Jaren shouting: “And I'm not that short!". After that was said, there was an awkward silence floating in the air, the tense rose, as we approached and entered the lush forest where we ended up close to the train tracks and soon enough, the apartments appeared. "See, now we're here!" Cameron exclaimed.

"Why didn't tell me about the short cut before? This was so much faster," I asked him while Jaren examened the apartments; Cameron's face suddenly tinted a light pink. "W-Well, I didn't know the shortcut existed until one of my sources told me."

"Do you even have a source?-"

"Anyways! Let's head inside," Cameron announced, walking towards the tall buildings. I followed him before replaying what he just said in my head. "Wait, we're going inside?"

"Yeah, don't you want to go to the top?" He inquired.

"Hell yeah!" Smitty shouted.

"Fuck no!" I belted. "No way in fucking hell am I going up there. No offense to the both of you but I am no fan of heights."

"C'mon, let's have some fun! Please, John," Smitty begged but I just shook my head. "Cameron! Help me convince him!"

"Here, I got you. You'll be okay," Cameron spoke sweetly, grabbing my hand. "You won't fall or anything."

I felt my cheeks heat up, I looked down at our intertwined fingers and back towards Cam. "You better fucking promise."

"Yeah, I fucking promise," Cameron smiled.

"And you told me that you didn't have a crush on him," Smitty whispered to me, I scolded him mentally as we entered the apartment. It was extremely vacant and quiet, grey walls are torn and the smell of cement lingered in the wind. We were all completely silent, anxiety started to pool inside my chest as I squeezed Cam's hand. "Hey, you'll be okay," He mumbled to me, I nodded again. The stairs creaked with each step as we got higher until we reached a hallway where a ladder awaited at the end of the hall. Cameron let go of my hand to climb the ladder, me and Smitty climbed after him.

There we stood at the top, I looked up to see the forest and behind all those trees was town. The sounds of the trees swaying sent a cool breeze, making my hairs rise. I walked to the edge of the building, looking down only to see the ground that felt miles away from where we stood, I stepped back with a yelp. "Hey hey, calm down, honey. I'm right here," Cameron's hand on my shoulder as I turned around, he offered his hand to me again and I took it hesitantly, holding him tightly. The sky was a beautiful light blue, orange and pink while the white clouds began turning into a light purple. "This is fucking amazing.”

"Yeah, it is," Cameron answered, his voice soft and calming.

"Hey, I'm glad you came along, Cameron," Smitty mentioned.

"Yeah, no problem-"

"WHO'S UP THERE?!" A deep voice shouted, making me jump and hold Cameron's hand stronger, Smitty looked back and turned around to Cam. "Shit, the hell are we supposed to do?" The Canadian whispered.

"You guys hide behind that," Cameron pointed to a vent block as Jaren ran except for me. "John-"

"Cam, what the fuck are you doing?" I whispered anxiously, the other man's footsteps getting closer. "John, please. I can do this, I don't want you getting hurt."

"You think I want the same for you?" I whisper shouted.

"John, go back there now," Cameron grabbed my shoulders. "Please."

I hesitated but moved backward to Jaren, my anxiety pumped as I watched the policeman walk towards Cameron. "Young man, what are you doing here? These parts are closed off."

"Yeah, I know," Cameron put his hands in his pocket. "Listen, I just wanted to see the view."

"Mhm, listen, let's just head on down and back into town. Deal?" The man asked, Cameron nodded and silently followed the policeman. I let out a small breath, Smitty looked up and sighed, standing up quietly. "You okay, John?"

I couldn’t answer.

I just wish I hadn't gotten attached so quickly to him.

▕▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▏

1866 WORDS.

[magaprima]

Part 3 Episode 5

‘Nick, you got high, freed the dark lord and passed out’ is an iconic line. Worst come down ever. 

‘They’re like witches but from a different time’ Good  way to describe them I think

FINALLY, Lilith is back. Feels like ages since we saw her. I do think they’re using MG less this season and I am not impressed by that. I do like that Lilith keeps appearing out of nowhere and never announcing her presence with a hello and doing it whenever Sabrina wants to be going somewhere else. 

OMG LILITH BROUGHT ALL THE DEMONS TO THE ACADEMY SO THE WHOLE COVEN KNOWS SABRINA IS QUEEN OF HELL. 

I do also like how Lilith is always stood beside her. I love them being on the same team. But omg Sabrina you can’t just fucking go ‘sorry can’t do the challenge right now’ that’s not how it works you eejit.

‘my not accepting the challenge, you threaten the very existence of your coven, your friends and family. and do you know why? The balance of the cosmos has tipped, the arrival of the Pagans, your coven’s loss of power, it’s all a direct result of your refusal to claim absolutely the throne. Don’t you see, Sabrina, all this suffering, it your fault’. Well, don’t hold back Lilith. You go, woman. And then when Sabrina denies it and she adds ‘But if you can recover the unholy regalia you stand a chance of replenishing your weakened covens energies’ Lilith, you should be Queen. We all know it. Except the writers. They don’t apparently. 

‘as loath as i am to agree with Lilith’, Hang on their Zelda, you were fucking praying to her earlier on? What’s going on? Get back on side, girl

Lilith and Sabrina sat together in the desecrated church, talking side by side about the getting the bowl Pontius washed his hands in, I just I love them actually being on the same side and having a calm chat

OMFG when Sabrina says she has access to time magics, Lilith’s face is priceless. It’s like i’m sorry wtf now. And she just says ‘oh. well. look at you’. like seriously what don’t you fucking have?

I think Hilda is slowly turning into a spider. She’s obssessing over a fly in the room. Big fat juicy fly she calls it. 

Prudence and Ambrose have realised that the Pagans are not just witches, but the Old Gods and Monsters themselves

Lilith is being a full on Giles to Sabrina’s Buffy this season, except for the whole...taking her into hellish places via paintings and all that. But I do enjoy them together. Although Lilith is not dressed for this trip, which makes me think the reason she wears high heels all the time is because she doesn’t have the same issues as others would have, and she knows it makes people go unholy fuck how are you walking in them. However Michelle does not have that gift and is clearly fighting her own feet every step of the way. Power to ya, Gomez, power to ya. 

Omg lilith giving Sabrina instructions like she’s talking to an idiot child because she knows how often Sabrina doesn’t listen and does her own thing ‘the slightest mistake could leave your trapped in a time loop FOR-EVE-RRRRRR’ 

‘dowse away’ followed by some nice eye rolling. I do love a Lilith eye roll

Pontius cuts a handsome cap. 

Elspeth wants to give Sabrina to the Pagans?? Erm, come on, she saved your fucking life. 

Wait, Lucifer is telling them to join the Pagans? What’s your game, dude? Oh I see, he’s deliberately sending them to their death as punishment

So within the statues, the people are possibly still alive according to Ambrose, which is good because I fear it’s going to happen to Mary and I want there to be hope for her. 

Why is Barabbas a Cockney? A cockney in Judea?

“You suck, Caliban” Wow, Queen of Comebacks, Sabrina?

Wow so Elspeth did erm...wow, so she’s erm...okay. RUN MELVIN RUN

RUN FASTER SABRINA. PUMP THOSE CRAZY LEGS

Sabrina, with distress; Caliban was there I left him behind. 

Lilith; Oh well, can’t be helped. Hopefully he’ll be stuck in the time loop forever.

I agree with lilith. Stop being so goody goody Sabrina.

Lilith tugging that bowl like come on time to claim your victory, but Sabrina says she needs to help the coven first and Lilith’s face is just like fine whatever didn’t want it anyway

Don’t pop that zit Hilda, it don’t look like a normal zit. oh no, it’s full of spiders. And now she has spider vision

Why is the devil turning up at Harvey’s? Telling him to go to the carnival and show ‘those heathens what’s what’. And now Lucifer’s going to Agatha with a lump hammer?

So they’ve casually brought standing stones to the academy and it’s working but Lucifer has Agatha smash them with a lump hammer. Can the Dark Lord just fucking fuck off? You know everything was fine till Sabrina went to fucking hell. 

Harvey seems to be embracing witch hunter genes and is leading an attack on the carnival and Circe has turned all the boys into pigs. She’s still fond of that spell. 

Hilda is trying to tell Zelda she’s changing but Zelda keeps thinking she means metphorically dammit. And the reason Nick has been the way he is, he had Dark Lord tar inside him? Which they took out and now they’re trying to use to get power back to the coven

OMG NICK LEAVES SABRINA AND LILITH IS THE ONE TO APPEAR WHEN SHE’S CRYING. SHE’S COMFORTING HER AND TELLING HER TO BE STRONG AND IT’S SUCH A FUCKING MATERNAL MOMENT, EVEN THE HAND ON THE CHIN. iT’S SUCH A SHORT MOMENT BUT IT’S SO SIGNIFICANT. ESPECIALLY SINCE LILITH LEARNED NOT TO CRY AND HOW MUCH THE DARK LORD HURTS PEOPLE. 

DR C. Why is there dark music and Hilda going to Dr C. Do not kill Dr C. Wait, he can’t see what’s happening to her? Is that why Zelda couldn’t see it either?? Oh my god is she gonna go black widow and kill him?????????

When Lilith and Sabrina are talking about the victory over the second artefact, and Lilith says ‘the victory over caliban was absolute’ and Sabrina adds she’s not sure he survives, Lilith fake pouts like aww such a shame wee lamb and then Caliban appears and Lilith look is literally like FOR FUCK’S SAKE GO AWAY. Lilith really doesn’t like him at all

“And I shall reign by your side Sabrina forever” Lilith definitely planning for the long term there and she seems to be in it for the long haul with ruling WITH sabrina. So...yay? Temporarily

Also Lilith saying Lucifer would ‘lose his horned head at the sigh of this unholy regalia’ and she laughs and is so confident until Sabrina tells her he escapes and Lilith looks fucking terrified. 

‘The Dark Lord is free and you didn’t say anything to me?’ she also seems...hurt? Understandably. But like Lilith seems to think they are partners, which they’re meant to be, and Sabrina has kept this big fucking deal secret and all Sabrina says is ‘I had other things on my mind’

‘Sabrina, your Father will kill me for betraying him. It’s only a matter of time’ and there it is...Lilith starting to think about self-preservation. Sabrina has let her down, definitely, I would agree, and so now she’s gonna have to come up with another plan. Which is I think why she ends up making a deal with Blackwood

So the Hedge Witches they summoned to help them do not like being summoned and are not saying they will kill them. Yeesh, enemies on all sides. 

[enkisstories]

Just like them (part 2)

November 16, 2038 The DPD’s reception hall

As part of his parole terms Daniel was required to report to a social worker ever so often. But not today and certainly not right here at the police station. What had led the android here this morning, after having gotten let out only the day before, was the need to file a lost item report on…

“…my left hand.”

The police officer behind the counter, her nameplate read “Chen, Tina��, looked down at Daniel’s very functional left hand. The android was using it to knock impatiently on the surface.

“Looks functional to me”, the woman remarked.

For the second time in his existence Daniel sighed, then started to recount the loss of his real hand that was holding the Phillips apartment key in all its colorful detail. Almost as patiently as an ST300 android the human took notes. But when Daniel answered “August” at the prompt when exactly the item in question had went missing, Tina shook her head.

“Look, deviant-dude, I still need to wrap my head around your revolution and all the new rules, but if there’s a single certainty left in my life, then this: We’re living in Detroit.”

“So what?!”

Tina laughed, radiating disbelief at how one claiming to be a person manufactured and raised in her hometown didn’t get it by now. “A key lost in this city in summer would have been used long ago”, she explained. “By now your apartment would have been stripped clean of everything even remotely valuable.”

While Tina was talking, three men entered the reception hall, coming through the barrier between it and the authorized personnel only - zone. The first man was in his thirties and from his looks a small-scale criminal whose boss had just now coughed up the bail money. The second was middle aged and looking like he had spent the night in the drunk tank and the third… the third man was an RK800 android. THE RK800.

Oh, no! Not that thing again!

Before Daniel could react to Connor’s presence in any way, the thug shoved him aside and started to agitatedly talk to Officer Chen. The android found himself stumbling from the push. What the hell…? He, who had stood a few inches away from a vast chasm, holding a struggling girlchild, all the while still hitting true and keeping a bunch of humans perched behind their sofa barricade, shouldn’t have lost his balance at a mere grazing hit! Except, of course, that Daniel was standing on replacement legs at the moment. And although a PL600 met the minimum system requirements for those legs, the android’s locomotion system as a whole was a patchwork now, far from optimal. After trying to regain his footing a few times, Daniel eventually gave up. He slumped down on a bench.

I need to look into dedicated drivers for those legs, he thought. The plug and play doesn’t cut it. What if the legs betray me at the worst possible moment? I could have dropped to my death for real yesterday when I scaled that balcony!

Someone who had already managed that feat, betraying Daniel at the worst possible moment, now took a seat next to the deviant: Connor.

“Daniel, I…”, he started, but uncharacteristically for one nicknamed “the negotiator” the android hesitated at this point. Because how did you casually bring up the point that both of you had killed and should probably talk about it? Among the policemen Connor felt unique with his list of lives he had taken or indirectly wrecked within a single week. Many of the other cops had went through their whole careers so far without firing a single shot…

“We went through similar experiences and I thought…” the RK800 started again, only to get yelled at by his erstwhile opponent:

“Oh, did we?! I never had the world’s most powerful company behind me! I couldn’t run to CyberLife whenever I stubbed my pinky toe! And neither did I have a bunch of badge-carrying police friends in my tow wherever I went! Maybe both of us have computers for brains, but Ma Kamski was a bit more generous with her youngest than she was with me. So do not tell me anything about “similar experiences”!”

Daniel’s reencounter with the former deviant hunter was interrupted by the ruffian, who still hadn’t left the police station. To the contrary, the man was leaning onto the bench’s back and talking back and forth between Tina Chen and Connor now. What exactly was getting communicated Daniel didn’t quite get, he only registered that a heartwarming number of insults got directed Connor’s way from both humans, the female cop and the criminal alike.

Daniel didn’t know anything about this duo, other than that they seemed to be a typical humans, as base and petty as they came. But Officer Chen and the stranger not sucking up to CyberLife’s Golden Child made Daniel inclined to like them.

Eventually the male pushed Connor off the bench and towards the exit.

“Move along!” he barked. “Get your plastic arse out of my precinct! You do not belong here!”

Connor remained standing where he had ended up, halfway between the counters and the door, visibly hurt. Seeing the deviant hunter like that felt… admittedly less satisfying than Daniel had imagined it would.

“You heard him”, Connor addressed Daniel over his shoulder. The RK’s upbeat, almost chirpy, voice sounded downcast when he added: “We have to leave.”

“What do you mean, “we” have to leave? I thought you were a cop?”

“I was only lent to the DPD, to help solve the deviant cases. They were soon to receive a new and improved RK900, while I… Didn’t you know I am a prototype?”

Daniel slowly rose from the bench.

“You were to be replaced short term? With success or failure making no difference?” he gasped. “And you were aware of that all the time?”

“Yeah.”

Arms crossed Daniel was now standing next to the deviant hunter.

“Sucks”, he said.

Moved at the, albeit curt, expression of sympathy from Daniel of all people, Connor looked up.

“You really think so, Daniel? Thanks!”

The deviant nodded.

“Everything would have worked out nicely”, he claimed. “But then Markus comes along with his revolution, deviates you and wins freedom for all of androidkind. Would it have been asked too much of him to wait two or three more days? Just long enough for CyberLife to scrap you? Why’s it that you ALWAYS come out on top smelling like a rose?!”

In the androids’ backs someone laughed out loud at these words: the thug, who was still lingering in the hall as if he owned it. Daniel wasn’t quite sure whether the man was on his side, but he was definitely not on Connor’s.

“Should have known you’d say something like this…” Connor uttered through clenched teeth. “Whatever! To answer your question, no, I’m not a cop. I am, in fact, a CyberLife employee. They made a big show of welcoming me back with open arms, no hard feelings and the least amount of hacking attempts. I have a desk in a cubicle and get an office clerk’s paycheck now, never mind that the company has no idea what to task me with, therefore I spent my first week at “work” serving coffee and watering the potted flowers. Everyone else in the office is tiptoeing around me, uncertain how to behave in my presence… Meanwhile Captain Fowler paired Hank with Gavin Reed, because with their antisocial tendencies he cannot assign either of them to a normal partner. That’s how messed up my post-deviancy life is!”

Daniel shrugged.

“Just quit with CyberLife, if it annoys you, and apply for a police job through regular means. With your qualification there’s no way they’ll turn you down! Or is a fancy RK800 too good to go through that probationary year?”

“Exactly that I cannot!” Connor shot back. “Because some shitty law states that an applicant must be eighteen years of age and have finished high school. What I obviously haven’t.”

“Flunked one class too many, huh? I bet it was Social Studies. You know, the one where they teach you not to LIE to others!”

“Very funny. Just you wait ‘till after you’ve gotten tossed out of a venue for being technically a minor!”

The PL600, who had spent his first night in freedom alternating between crying, cursing and punching the apartment walls, opened his mouth. He had wanted to live again, no, he was dreaming of living again… or at the very least was familiar with the general idea of living again. The vague concept included theme parks, nightclubs and owning a car. What wasn’t covered by Daniel’s fantasies was a hall pass for minors.

“That can happen?” the deviant asked.

“It happens all the time already”, Connor confirmed. “Reed grabbed me off the street for breaking curfew yesterday, when I was walking Sumo after dark. He knew the route I’d take and lay in wait… pathetic, but effective. That’s why I am here today. Because I spent the night in a cell until my “parent” picked me up.”

“Sweet! - And who is this “Reed” you keep talking about? Your boyfriend?”

“The asshole right behind us.”

“That one? That’s a cop?!”

“The one cop that nobody would have held against you, had you shot him.”

Daniel turned around. He saw the presumed thug leaning against the counter, only now it had a name and a model designation: Gavin Reed, Detective. And indeed, looking more closely Daniel now noticed a faint glimmer of light from the ceiling lamps reflected by the police badge at the man’s belt.

“Fucking tin cans”, Gavin commented. “Half the town’s depopulated, but aren’t we lucky the plastic “people” are here to simulate a lively early morning! Just listen to them argue, Tina! Aren’t they phucking adorable together?”

In between moving two files to their appropriate folders Tina replied that she didn’t care as long as she was getting payed.

“And what did you do this morning?” Gavin raged. “Opening a case file on the toaster’s behalf, wasn’t it? You’re getting payed to serve the machines! The world’s turned upside down!”

“Yes, it is”, Daniel agreed. He nodded towards Connor and then towards Gavin, purposely excluding Tina. “But the vermin’s clinging to the rim, refusing to fall out. – Bye, detectives and office boys.”

(to be continued)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #237

just a warning beforehand this survey has some probably tmi stuff.

Which is better: good 'ole southern food or sea food? Despite coming from and still living in, I legitimately enjoy almost NO southern food. Absolute garbage. I don't enjoy much sea food either though, save for shrimp, so I guess that. Have you ever had a very strong spiritual experience? I dunno. What do you think you want to major in at college? I'm an Art & Design major right now. Minor in? English is my minor currently. What song do you have on repeat lately? Quite a lot, actually. What’s something important you could be doing now? I could be working on finishing the draft to my Writing paper and this week's Art History chapter, but... yeah. I procrastinate all to hell, but I "justify" it with me having SO much extra time in the library while Mom takes her classes that I have a great deal of time to just do everything in there. How do you feel about Circuit City going out of business? I have zero clue what that is. About how often do you go on cleaning sprees? LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL what're those? What’s the best story you’ve gone over in an English class? The Outsiders. Is your house haunted? Don't think so. What kind of tissues do you prefer? At least thicker as a single sheet of wet paper and soft. But ultimately it's nota a big deal. What face wash do you use? I prefer the Biore charcoal scrub, but I've been out of that for like... ever, and it's pricey, so we haven't bought any more. So now I use this peach scrub stuff Mom gets. I don't like it much because it's kinda abrasive, so probably bad for my skin, but it at least makes it feel cleaner. Do you reject Satan? I don't even know if a head demonic entity exists. Got no opinion on him. Are you violent? Far from it. Do you use google search or yahoo? Google. Was your step mother terrible? Her political views are fucking trash, but she herself is a wonderful person. Do you know anyone who doesn’t care about anything but themselves? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Are you single? If no who are you dating and for how long? I'm single for now. I don't believe prayer or "good vibes" have any power, but nevertheless, I almost DO pray Sara and I will come back together once she figures herself out and one of us is brave enough to move. Do you enjoy going for walks? Nowadays, no, but only because I'm still recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs, so it hurts quiiite a bit. But in a way, yes, I do enjoy walking as I know it's good for my legs, but it's still painful - but improving immensely. Before it started to get real bad, I fucking loved going on walks down the path by Sara's. When it wasn't cOLD AND WINDY AS A MOTHERFUCKER What are your favorite accessories? Do piercings count? If yes, totally those. And spiked chokers are fucking hot. I'll wear mine again someday, just fkn watch me. Do you wear makeup on a regular basics? Not at all. I am asking for *genuinely* black eye shadow and also quality black lipstick for Christmas, though, for when I do wear makeup. Ours suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. When was the last time you really established your favorite TV show? Oh, idk. It's been years. Write one lyric that really explains the way your life is going as of now? HAHA I'm actually listening to NSP's "Danny Don't You Know" right now and if "you're just going through an awkward phase from 12 to 29" aIN'T ME- Do you ever have any fantasies that involve certain celebrities? Who? Yes. Take an. idk. Wild guess. You can read like one or two of my surveys and already be absolutely sure lmao What is your favorite brand of shoe? Where can you buy these shoes? Converse, and... multiple places?? Does anyone ever judge you for something you naturally cannot help? Oh, I'm sure. Do you support homosexuality in general? Why do you or why don't you? Of fucking course I do. It's natural, and especially after realizing I was bi and experiencing a genuinely loving female-female relationship, I've only grown more ferocious in standing for gay rights. Fuckin try to tell me I can't love her without some sky demon firing me into Hell for it. I'll bring sunscreen. If you had your own personal dance crew, what would you name it and why? I dunno??? Has anyone ever called you an exact replica of one of your parents? Agree? No. Have you ever claimed to be in love when you knew you really weren’t? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don't joke around with that shit. If you had the chance to meet an annoying celebrity, would you still do it? No?????? Why would I want that??????????? Do you ever lie in the grass during summer or are you afraid of ticks? 1.) That sounds boring and too hot and 2.) I'm fucking terrified of all parasites, so ticks are zero exception. Does it bother you when you see slutty girls getting all the cute guys? *chaotic eye twitching* In winter, would you rather wear jacket or hoodies? Why is this? HOODIES! Mega cozy. Would you consider yourself a good singer or are you tone deaf? Depends on the song, but generally, I don't think I'm real good. My voice isn't stable. Do you think regrets are better left unspoken or should they be out loud? Y'know, a real good question for once. I think maybe... it depends, I guess? Some things are just better unsaid, sometimes vice-versa. I suppose it depends on who you're telling, too. What color is your remote? Does it have any special/interesting features? Uh I know it's black, but that's it. I never use the TV. Name a time when you cried the most: The night of the breakup when Mom drove out to get me (I was walking to his house to talk bc she wouldn't take me), and she had to physically hold me down when we got in the house because I dashed and she knew I was about to do something stupid. I just fucking collapsed. That night is so blurry, but I'll never forget the crying. Fucking NOBODY deserves to go through that goddamn night. What color is your keyboard? It's black, though the keys are rimmed with red light. Have you ever thought about suicide? Too many times. Please please please please seek help if you have even a moment's consideration about it. How do you feel about Obama? I don't know much about him politically, but he was funny as fuck, I do know that. Seems like a chill dude. What was the last lie you told? I dunno, something little. Name 3 things in your purse (or wallet): My Harley Quinn wallet, hand sanitizer, aaaaand my keys. What time does your favorite TV show come on? *shrug* Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? I haven't been to many seriously "scary" places, honestly... so idk, really. Do you like string cheese? NO. What color was the coolest insect you’ve seen? No clue. Probably some butterfly or moth. Do you own any pink clothing? ... How do I not know this. How do you usually style your hair? It's directed to the right with no part through it and swoops over/close to my right eye. Do you use anything to whiten your teeth? I'm also asking for whitening strips for Christmas. .-. Ah, how gift desires change as you grow. I took awful care of my teeth during the worst of my depression, so yeah, I need them. I'm honestly stunned they're in a decent condition now. Have you ever collaborated with anyone on a project (not for school)? Hmm, don't believe so. What is (going to be) your career? I refuse to drop my career aspiration of a photographer. Not giving up on that no matter what. What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? Crocodiles' teeth protrude both upwards and downwards over their lips while alligators' only show downwards; crocs have a more tapering snout, alligators' are more rounded; and crocs are generally bigger. I didn't obsessively watch Animal Planet for nothing, y'all. :^) Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. That woman had five goddamn kids with no epidural or anything. She ain't afraid of no pain, and she's also like, MEGA into child health, safety, etc., and while formula-feeding is completely fine and valid, it's factual breast milk is a lot healthier for babies. What does your favorite shirt look like? Man, that's hard to pick. My most comfortable and well-fitting one is a Metallica "King Nothing"-inspired design, which is black and just has some gnarly skull designs 'n shit on it. HA HA WAIT, found it! This is it. Just a few days ago though, my mom's coworker went to the NSP 10th anniversary show in Chicago AND SHE GOT ME A FUCKING SHIRT BC SHE KNOWS I LOVE THEM AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH I SQUEALED SO LOUD AND SMILED MY FACE IN HALF. What is the cutest breed of puppy in your opinion? Do not EVEN with this, omfg I couldn't even try. What is the cutest baby animal in general? Have you, like, SEEN baby meerkats????????????? They're not the cutest for the first, like, two weeks (BUT still cute!!), but once they're outside the burrow? Jesus fuckin CHRIST they are the cutest creatures known to the galaxy and beyond. If we're talkin' like, cutest from birth, maybe cats. I adore kittens. Do you have some sort of odd fascination with anything? Perhaps my "strangest" is what's referred to as "vulture culture," which is essentially using naturally-deceased (usually wild) animals for art, such as those popular crystal-covered skulls, necklaces, creative use of wet specimens, stuff like that. I find some odd beauty and respect in creating art of the dead - it's like... making death beautiful and honoring the creature by immortalizing it in an art form. I personally photograph roadkill (that shit's confused the fuck outta drivers lmao) with the goal of forcing the brutality of it onto viewers and just make you think "okay yeah I need to drive more carefully." I don't know if that technically qualifies as vulture culture as I don't really... use the corpses, but nevertheless, I really enjoy doing it. I do kinda question the morality of it, like you can't ask an animal "hey do you wanna be art when ur dead?", so you're left to decide for it, but I think I lean ever so slightly more towards it being respectful, showing the beauty of its life. I WANT TO SAY HOWEVER, I DO FUCKING NOT support hunting trophies. I even question taxidermy outside of being from hunting considering you're not really making art, something new, some sort of message, out of it. There's no creative purpose other than to show "hey look at this dead animal!!", and besides that, it kinda creeps me out. Wow sorry for the ramble, I'm just into this stuff. Who was the last person to text you? Sara. What did they say? Paraphrased, that life has been a serious cunt to her lately. Which is true. have you ever broken someones heart? He fuckin acted like it after two goddamn weeks. I suppose maybe Jason, though I can't really tell you that since he fucked off after the breakup, so it's not like I was around him. I'll admit his health and general demeanor was withering as time led up to it (I knew something was wrong, he'd just never tell me), so he was obviously suffering. I feel awful for that shit, seeing I was apparently that goddamn stress-inducing. Had yours broken? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO I think the whole Internet knows, oops. Do you consider past relationships a waste of time? No. Well, maybe just one. I kinda wanna say Tyler was, but then again, as I was healing, it showed exactly what I would not tolerate. So I guess it had a silver lining. Do you think you’ll be around to see the world end? I wanna say no, but I wouldn't be surprised. It's gonna be climate change (reason #1 for me), the super volcano finally blowing, or nuclear war. Scientifically, we are far, far, far from overdue for another mass extinction anyway. Do you believe in second chances? Yeah, sometimes. Depends. Do you swear? Way more than needed. Swearing a lot just became part of my normal vernacular through exposure to Jason and his family lmao. I was just about always there, and whew does his mom swear like a sailor. Italian New Yorker to the core. To me, "swear words" are just normal vocabulary. What is the nearest photo to you of? A family of meerkats on my wall. Are you good at being quiet? Sure? Who has your heart? I'm guessing you mean romantically? Two people are tearing at it, then. One that's fuckin stupid and needs to stop. Do you like it that way? No. No. Sara is, realistically, the best match for me and a very healthy partner for me. But now that for whatever goddamn reason Jason sneaked back into the picture (metaphorically; he hasn't reached out or anything), hints of obsession/addiction are coming back. I know it's fucking creepy, but I was legitimately obsessed with him. I sent him a perfectly polite and genuine email of ME apologizing to HIM, and I guess that just shot my feelings back up. God, typing this makes me realize to a fuller degree that this is an awful idea. Where is this person? Sara's probably at home; hell if I know where the other is. When was the last time you saw them? I saw Sara this past February. Jason, not since February of '17. Do you prefer desktops or laptops? Laptops because of portability. Sunrise, or sunset? I think maybe sunrise, considering the colors tend to be more pastel. But both are gorgeous. What kind of mood are you in? A confused as hell one. The Jason thing is driving me insane, and TMI WARNING I've been dealing with a fucking ginormous libido that I'm guessing sprouts from my new birth control, and it led me to doing to thing I said I'd never ever do because I only want to share that experience with my partner. Y'know, the "m" word. Saying it feels too weird and dirty. That's the problem: it's so instilled in my head that masturbation is lustful and just "wrong" that my brain is still trying to process that it's okay and natural and, as I found, relieving. I had to look it up and everything to convince my shameful ass I wasn't being "dirty." Hey, on that note: Planned Parenthood offers way goddamn more than abortion, friends. I swear it's beyond wild what I used to believe. But yeah ANYWAY, I'm just feeling weird and still kinda "tail between my legs" today. Do you like fans that blow directly on you or oscillate? Depends on how hot I am. What is one thing you worry about most in long-term goals? "not having enough money to get there.." <<<< YUP this. Right before you fall asleep, what is your usual position? It's hard to tell considering you're falling into unconsciousness... but I THINK on my left side, hugging an edge of the blanket to me. When you have sex, do you keep your eyes closed or open when finishing? I wouldn't know; I've only ever been on the brim before freaking out and we stopped because I was literally scared of how overwhelming the feeling was. That and my family was home and I was having trouble staying quiet lmao. When you have mail do you open the biggest one first, or doesn’t matter? Uhhhh. I honestly don't get mail enough to answer this. I'd probably go for the smallest? When you wake up what is the first thing you usually look for? My phone. Think of the last habit/addiction you quit. What replaced it? Hm. I really don't know. Your phone rings but you don’t know the number, would you answer it? No sir-ree. Do you always take a shower after you have sex? I didn't always back then. Do you let your girl/boyfriend drive, or do you prefer to? 1.) I don't drive and 2.) I'm single. The last time you had sex was it in the morning, afternoon or night? Hell if I remember.