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musclesaber · 2 years ago

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Chest Cologne Chapter 2: The Sizemologist

[Story Gallery] [First Part] [Last Part]

After locking down his date with Patrick, Jacob turns to his old friend Sam for some help in the size department.

The next day, Jacob finished work and immediately headed to Sam’s shop. He parked his car and walked into the tiny store. The store is completely empty when Jacob entered and saw no one. On the inside, the shelves were cluttered with various drawers of herbs and spices. There were bottles and boxes that had things like “Back Pain Relief” or “Quick Energy Boost” written on them. Jacob continued walking around the store until he saw his old friend.

“Jacob!” The tall man practically ran over to Jacob to give him a hug.

“Sammy! How’ve you been?” Jacob hugged Sam back and looked at him.

“I’ve been great! I’m running the store all by myself now since my parents retired. I used to just run the business side of things, but now I do everything from the supply to the taxes to the stocking to the other stuff,” said Sam as he winked at Jacob.

“Yeah, about that other stuff,” Jacob released their embrace. “I remember in college you gave Max that one thing to help him out with his boyfriend’s problem in the bedroom. Could you do something like that for me?” Sam looked at Jacob puzzled.

“You knew about that?” asked Sam.

“Of course I did. We all did. Max was always complaining about how his boyfriend AJ could never perform well in the bedroom. After winter break, he said you gave him something that solved his problem. Then I remember every time Max had seen AJ the day before, he was walking funny.” Sam laughed remembering what he had given Max.

“HAHAHA! I had forgotten about that. Yes, I did help Max out a bit. Here, let’s go to the back where we can discuss the other side of the store.” Sam turned around and lead Jacob through a door into another room. This room was significantly smaller, but it was packed to the brim with books as well as drawers and cabinets.

“What is all of this?” asked Jacob.

“So Max came to me knowing my parents ran a store that helped people out with problems with their body through nontraditional medicine. We tend to work with people who are having chronic pains, deficient energy, depression, all kinds of stuff. But Max knew we would sometimes help with fertility. So I showed him what I had in stock to help with his boyfriend’s tiny dick and from what I hear, it worked like a charm. AJ’s cock grew from a measly 3 inches to 10 inches.”

“Wait, you grew his cock?” asked Jacob. “How is that even possible?”

“Alchemy my good man. With a little bit of magic sprinkled in for good measure.” Sam grabbed a book off of the shelf and started turning through the pages. “My father has a small bit of sorcery in his blood line. We can’t shoot fire balls or create portals with our magic wands, but we can infuse our magics into our items.” Sam stopped on a page and turned it so Jacob could see.

‘Eggplant Elixir: Drink this potion to enhance a male’s genitalia. Sizes may vary based on original size. Do not take any more than the recommended dosage from your sizemologist.

Side effects may include: Increased libido, an addiction to masturbation, surprise boners, an increase in body hair, and a loss in taste.’

“Sam, what’s a sizemologist?” asked Jacob as he took the book and read more.

“It’s what I am. I help people out with their size problems. Whether it’s too much or lack thereof. The ladder being more popular,” said Sam as he walked behind the counter in the room. “So old friend, what can I do for you?”

“I need help with this date I’m going on later today. The guy I’m seeing is a total hunk and built like a brick house. Absolutely huge,” said Jacob as he swooned over Patrick.

“That’s why we were such good friends in college. We were both huge size queens,” said Sam with a smile. “So what do you want to do? Make him bigger? Make yourself bigger? God forbid make him smaller?”

“Make me bigger please. I was looking through his Insta and all of the guys he’s dated are walking walls of muscle.”

“Well you’re no slouch in that department. You’ve certainly packed on more size since college,” said Sam pointing out the way Jacob’s shirt clung to his body.

“Thanks Sam, but I’m talking bodybuilder big.”

“Oh…That’s not you, my friend. I think I can help.” Sam swiveled around and started rummaging through drawers of and shelves of bottles and boxes. “Ooo here it is! Size Spice! Made to grow men huge without them even knowing! Just sprinkle it into their food and BOOM they’ll be giants in a minute.” Sam puts down a tiny little dime bag of white powder.

“Um Sam, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but that looks exactly like a bump of coke,” said Jacob as he eyeballed the product.

“It’s not cocaine. Calm down. Everything here is FDA approved. Mostly. But definitely not illegal substances.”

“Then it’s perfect! I’ll take it!”

“Great! That’ll be $500,” said Sam with a flat tone.

“$500!?!?! Isn’t there some friends and family discount that I could be a part of?”

“You are. The normal price is $1,000.”

“$1,000?!?! Why is this stuff so expensive?!?!”

“It’s a popular item. Most people love the idea of getting huge with just a sprinkle of salt. And if I’m being completely honest, a large container of these got shipped out of here by mistake and it’s not the easiest product to make.”

“Shipped out? I thought you were just a local store?”

“I normally am, but sometimes if I’m strapped for cash, I’ll sell my goods grocery stores if there have been things sitting on the shelves for a long time. I however got a shipment of international spices miss labeled and sent off these instead. Hence why it’s in a small baggy so I don’t confuse myself.” Jacob groaned as Sam told his story.

“That’s too steep for me. I can’t pay that much. Do you have anything in the realm of maybe 100 bucks?” Sam put the bag away and turned back around to continue rifling through cabinets.

“Hmm the date is tonight, right?”

“Yeah. A cute Valentine’s Day date.”

“Well, I have some stuff here that effects overall size, but it takes 12 hours to start seeing results,” said Sam turning around with a box of herbs.

“The dates in an hour. What else you got?” Sam turned back around and opened up more drawers.

“If you’re not gonna pay top dollar, I don’t have anything in that price range that will be fast acting and can affect the entire body,” said Sam as he turned back to Jacob.

“What about on specific body part? Could I just grow that?”

“Depends, which body part?” Jacob pondered for a moment. He looked down at himself. Looking over all of his muscles.

“I think I’ll go with pecs.” They were by far the smallest muscle group on Jacob. Little to no definition in them and one of the things that Jacob consistently saw in all of the pictures Ryan had taken with his past lovers.

“Let me see what I got.” Sam turned back around and started tearing through cabinets and drawers again. “Ah ha! I think I found something for you!” He turned back around holding a little perfume bottle. “Chest cologne. It will enhance your chest after spraying it anywhere on yourself.”

“That sounds great! How much?”

“For you? $80. And I’ll even throw something special into the mix that make men go wild when they smell it.” Sam pulled out a few vials along with an eye dropper and abeaker. “So, some quick things to know about this. Chest cologne is not meant to be worn often. The effects are not permanent if taken correctly. Your chest will slowly get smaller after the article of clothing that has been sprayed on it has been removed. DO NOT PUT ON YOUR SKIN! It is very hard to wash off and the effects of the spray could be long lasting.”

“What’s so bad about having permanently bigger pecs?” asked Jacob.

“The problem isn’t permanently bigger pecs. The problem is permanently growing pecs. The effects of the spray will stack on itself if you inhale it for a long period of time.” Sam kept mixing up liquids and shook them as he talked.

“What if I spray it and then I am taking off my shirt soon after spraying it?”

“No need to worry. You’ll grow until the effects have gotten out of your system. It’s just when you’re constantly smelling it on your body, it will never know it’s no longer supposed to grow, and it should shrink back down.”

“How long will it take to shrink back down?”

“Depends. Could be a few hours, days, weeks. It all depends on your body and how big you get your pecs.” Sam took a small drop out of the beaker he had and dropped it into the cologne bottle. “And you’re all set. Any more questions you have for me?”

“Will my date be affected by the smell?”

“Normally on a cologne, everyone in your immediate vicinity would smell it. However, with my magic in place, unless he puts his head up against your shirt and deeply inhales, he won’t be affected by the chest growth. But the libido enhancer, that I made so that anyone within a 10-foot radius will smell that on you.” Sam handed Jacob the bottle and Jacob handed him back some cash.

“Thanks man, you’re a life saver. I owe you big time!” said Jacob as he began to make his way out of the store.

“Of course man. No problem at all. If anything feels off about, you’ve got my number. And maybe after this date, we can catch up over coffee?” asked Sam as he followed Jacob to the door.

“I’d love to. It was great to see you Sam. Wish me luck,” said Jacob as he walked out the door.

“Good luck,” said Sam with a smile. As Jacob left, another customer walked in through the door. “Hi sir, how can I help you?” asked Sam.

“Yeah, I bought this smoothie from a store the other day and it made my…um…uh…penis grow huge. And every time I get excited, I grow too big again. I heard that this was the place that could help out with those kinds of problems” Sam was listening to the man tell his story when his eyes shot open.

“One moment sir!” Sam dashed out the door to see Jacob walking away. “Jacob! Don’t use more than one spray!”

“What?!?”

“Don’t use more than one spray! You might grow too big!”

“What?!?”

“Umm sir, I think I’ve got a problem in here. Oh fuck. Not again.” The customer inside started to moan as the bulge in his pants started getting much more pronounce.

“Fuck. I’ll text you later!” Sam ran back inside to deal with the man with the growing boner. Jacob looked back and saw Sam walk back in. He just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.

#plot #worldbuilding

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d-lanx · 1 month ago

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From AJ's insta story

#ok but imagine getting a present wrapped in custom larry wrapping paper #so majestic #aj lee #larry

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moonystoes · 8 months ago

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i don’t want to look a little crazy but the laugh in the end of the video sounds so much like elisa😭 such a good detail

IM TELLING YOU ITS CRAZY HOW EASY IT WAS TO FIND THINGS LIKE THIS!!

the story of ouidad with the piano was posted yesterday! And that's when I remembered that one post of Elisa. Or how when ouidad went on that trip, that picture of the house was from her own Instagram.

It's crazy how I was struggling to find a face claim and then aj was like 'oh you can check ouidad on insta' so casually...like she is PERFECT. The amount of crazy details I was able to add just from her account. If aj was near me I'd kiss her right now.

Also about the laugh... I see what you mean, it does sound the same way except it's a bit deeper.

#moonytoes anons

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neve-gallus-girl-detective · 10 months ago

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Wait I’m gonna need some receipts for aj getting high, doing shrooms, conceiving in cowgirl for… reasons lol 💀 when did she say these things?

AJ getting high is that one photo I shared, the shrooms was in several stories from one of AJ and Nate's friends (insta stories) (he said the friend group likes to go out to the desert and do shrooms lmao) and here's the cowgirl thing!

And

#ask #anon #cm cast ask

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 2 years ago

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uh oh, I goofed- there are actually 10 new teaser pages for Clementine Book Two

Yeeeeeeah, so remember how I said there were only four new teasers from Tillie’s insta? I was deceived, and it’s all Skybound’s fault >:[ I place all blame on them. Couldn’t be my fault. :/

@arielsprospera informed me that Skybound posted the pages on twitter, and since I avoid twitter like my entire existence depends on it, I never would’ve known had someone not informed me, so thank you!

So for real this time, let’s look over the new pages and discuss.

Okie dokie, I think it’s safe to say they got away from the two dudes who grabbed Olivia. It was a close one, but they’re three young girls so it’s easy to underestimate them and that’s always a good advantage.

I love that Olivia has a wound on her face and Ricca just sticks her fingers in it like, “Scars are cool.” Girl don’t do that, you’re hands are dirty, that’s how infections happen!

Speaking of-- for me the big thing with this page is Clementine saying, “My other leg hurts more, though. Something’s up with it...”

....Clementine. What do you mean something’s up with it? Something as in you’re not caring for it properly and now it’s swelling with infection??

You’ll change the world, Clementine? “It won’t be like this forever”?

Interesting, that’s the kind of attitude I’d expect to see from S1 and S2 Clementine. ANF Clementine is where she lost a lot of that hope that the world would get better and believed things would get better, which made sense given all the shit that happened to her to lead up to that.

She was a little more hopeful in TFS, like when Tenn tells the group he doesn’t believe the walkers will be around forever, but at this point she’s mostly accepted that this is just how the world works now and you have to do what you can to survive.

So, what’s changed?

Oh, and hands... Clementine and Ricca’s hands are touching. Much romance.

Not much to say about this page other than it looks nice. I like it. Tillie does establishing shots well.

Again, Clementine... I have a hard time feeling too bad about your leg. I get that y’all want to keep moving to get... wherever it is you’re going, but you’re not going to get far if your leg kills you.

The group’s a mess, really. It’s not great when Olivia is the most stable, given Ricca’s vision is deteriorating and Clementine’s leg is in terrible condition from lack of proper care.

Also, I see two strangers and horse in the corner. They could just be random people they want to avoid, or maybe those two dudes had a bigger group that’s in the area and it’s best to avoid them.

.......uhhhh

”Don’t, I’ll n-never get him back on.” ..........what do you mean? Clementine, you took it off on page 19, you’ve taken your prosthetic off plenty of times? Unless her leg is so swollen now that it no long fits, which is not a great sign.

And she has a fever. Because of course she does.

Also, blegh... I still cannot get over the fact that she named her leg Kenny. This is a great example of “bad fan service,” I actually hate it so much.

I’m just going to paste what I wrote before about this section:

Clementine’s got a fever and they’re covered in mud, shit, and blood...not great things to have on an infected leg, y’all.

Also, “We’ll eat fish.” .....insert AJ’s “I like fish!” line here.

Oh wait, you can’t, because AJ’s not here. Because he’s back at Ericson. Because Clementine left. I bet her leg wouldn’t be covered in mud if she had just stayed... just sayin’.

Not a great sign that she’s practically passed out and can’t form words.

I looked up the song Ricca’s singing here since you never know, might have some good ol’ symbolism and pertain thematically to the story, why else put a song in, y’know? And: “a Jewish hymn recited on Friday night before the Sabbath (Shabbat) meal. The poem is based on the legend of the sages in the Babylonian Talmud, Tractate Shabbat.”

And yeah, from what these translations tell me, there are angels.

Oh boy, Clementine’s not doing so good. She won’t wake up, Ricca’s crying, and Olivia’s...still not doing much tbh.

Oh boy, a boat... I wonder if that boat will take them to an island community, hmm?

I actually really like this page, but mostly for everything except the characters. The sky is lovely and I like the texture of the sand. The characters don’t look too bad, even here they look better than they might’ve in Book One, but still.

Also I wonder if we’re going to get another dream sequence? I mean, is it really a Clementine story without a Lee dream shoved in? And if Clementine’s passed out, this is the perfect opportunity.

Unless Tillie decides to give her a different dream involving AJ, or Kenny... actually I’ll be surprised if AJ gets another appearance or a mention in the rest of the trilogy. He’s not important, y’know... blegh.

There we have it.

Clementine, Ricca, and Olivia got away from the two dudes who grabbed them, Clementine’s leg is probably infected and she’s sick with fever, and they’re going to get help from a boat in the distance who will likely bring them to the island community.

Once again: Do y’all have thoughts? Are you excited for Clementine Book Two? I doubt you are since most aren’t, but you never know.

Personally, I’m excited to be disappointed, but hopeful to be proven wrong. Either way, I win.

#twdg #twdg clementine #clementine book two #ooooooh booooy

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i-may-be-an-emu · 2 months ago

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it seems Tom did not get over AJ’s magic mike performance 😂 /j /silly

#Context: new insta story #(Tom saying something like “next time sfth does dnd AJ plays a boy who’s incredibly ripped his names michael and he does magic. Magic Mike”#He’s so silly I love him #It was like 1am when it was posted and he was at a pub I wonder if he was drunk #Or if it’s just normal Tom silliness #shoot from the hip #does this joke even make sense who knows

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jack-doohan · 3 months ago

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who wanted a lil dave update

#indycar #david malukas #aj foyt racing #from lil dave’s insta stories #ciara.pics

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rosebug3 · 2 years ago

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All the welcome hugs during homecoming are sooooo sweet but I love this screenshot I found somewhere, especially cause Darren, Joey, AJ, and someone else who I have a few guesses from the back of her head, all came together cause they're still wearing their backpacks.

I know from watching I insta stories that some of Starkid were driving around with each other and hanging out while they were all in town.

awww, carpooling! 🥹

#team starkid #starkid #darren criss #aj holmes #joey richter #starkid homecoming

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astrovian · 2 years ago

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So I was curious about the picture of the Geneva book with a blurb from AJ Finn, which is so prominent in that cover? I had never heard of him and like why wouldn’t they go with the blurb from Coben? Which led me to reading THE WILDEST story about Finn in the New Yorker. And Finn and RA follow each other on insta and now I’m very confused/intrigued. I don’t think they share a publisher (although who owns what imprints is very confusing to me) so why did Finn give the blurb? Do they know each other ? Does RA know Finn is (a con artist of sorts?) Anyway just needed to share this with someone lol

answer under the cut because, frankly, I always write answers that are way too long

(if you make it to the end - well done, and you also have my condolences on reading a bunch of rambling nonsense)

I presume you're referencing this article? I won't lie, I didn't read all of it because it's quite long & you get enough of an overview of his character/what they're talking about by the time you're a third of the way through

but like... yikes my friend

also, I assume you're talking about the paperback cover?

the thing to keep in mind with this white UK paperback cover is that it may not be the final copy but an early draft that was put together for the press event - the person who attended Faber & Faber's publishing event & took the photo admitted on Twitter that as far as they knew, it is probably an early proof (and therefore not the final design)

so that screams to me that they just needed a quick temporary cover for the event done up, and slapped a long quote on to fill up space, regardless of the source

that being said, perhaps it is the final cover - no one knows for sure at this stage, and I certainly won't pretend like I know anything about publishing or the publishing world

both hardcovers (US version on the left, UK version on the right) feature Coben instead of A.J. Finn which, as you say, makes a lot more sense

in regards to never hearing about him beforehand & therefore why did they make that choice over Coben: In all fairness, I hadn't heard of him either BUT I have heard the name of his book before in passing, The Woman in the Window. So even though it doesn't seem like he has a great personal reputation, his book is well-enough known in the genre so it's not a huge surprise to me he would have a quote there

idk maybe Faber & Faber thought he might have more name/brand recognition in the UK than Coben (who, from my understanding, is very US-centric in basically all his works)

I'd also say that most readers don't really follow the personal lives of writers as intensely as we do with other categories of celebrity - only if the writer is very openly just an extraordinarily shitty person to others online (*cough*J.K.Rowling*cough*). so it kinda sounds like Finn has a reputation within his industry... but I doubt that translates to most readers/the general public (e.g. the target audience of the quote)

it is, I do have to say (despite his questionable personal life), a good 'entice the person into picking up the book' quote though - much more attention-grabbing to a passer-by than Coben's "Outstanding" on the hardcovers

re: why Finn would have been passed the manuscript... idk either. though tbh I always kinda assume all companies are inter-related somehow - kinda like how there are basically a tiny handful of mega corporations who own most other companies in the world

yikes.

I obviously know nothing about the publishing industry, but I do vaguely recall reading that there was a lawsuit in the US in recent years trying to prevent this sort of monopoly happening in the publishing world (and failing)

tbh even if they aren't under the same publishing house, my non-publishing-knowledgeable brain assumes that RA's publishers probably just sent the story out to all the prominent publishers with the equivalent of a sticky note on it saying 'reviews by any of your authors in the thriller genre pls'

who knows - there may even be a link between them at Audible. idk, I haven't looked into it at all & I'm sure you could prove me wrong easily, but it's a possibility?

as to them following each other on social media... who knows. I will say, the only real connection between them that I see (in terms of them knowing each other in real life) is that they both live in NYC and/or were possibly introduced in passing at a publishing house/Audible etc.

tbh this is what I assume happened:

Faber & Faber (maybe Audible?) send out the manuscript to all major publishing houses asking for a generic review from a medium-to-well-known thriller author that they can use in the book's press -> Finn is handed it by his publisher, writes a short review, possibly gets paid for this -> RA gets shown said reviews, follows Finn on social media as a result (because hey, he just said something nice about your book, maybe DM him to say thanks?) -> Finn maybe messages him back to say "hey, no problem, congrats on the book" and follows RA back because... why not?

alternatively you could play through a bunch of different scenarios re: how they exactly know each other, but if I had to put money on it, I would assume that the reason they follow each other is exactly the same as in the scenario above no matter how they met/haven't met. RA's extremely polite & reaching out online to say 'thanks for the review' is 100% him

as to RA's knowledge about Finn's poor reputation... my guess is that he doesn't know (but does it really matter that he knows in this context?) and even if he does, if the man wants to publicly throw his weight behind a good review of Geneva... well, he's shitty, sure, but it's not like Finn's an equivalent to JKR

OR who knows - they may be best mates going back decades. no way to tell for sure.

but tbh I don't think it really matters... I doubt they know each other except on a purely passing-ships-in-the-night-purely-profressional basis

#richard armitage #geneva #a.j. finn

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