#Friend-stealing b@$t@rd...

[wormchamp72]

why’s braydon your sworn enemy? mind elaborating a bit?

Ever heard of the class war, d1p$h1t?

[retrospections]

hey! it’s dec 31st! you made it!

firstly: yeah, i’m 24 now. don’t feel a difference at all. happy late birthday to me! now let’s get to the important updates, shall we?

• you started T! september 18th. 🫶🏽 you’re very happy with the changes you’ve seen! here’s what you’ve got so far: slightly more visible peach fuzz on your lip, voice dropping little by little, but noticeable to other people who pay enough attention, bottom growth that you find adorable lmao, and a slightly more sharp jawline that’s also due to some recent weight loss. oh yeah, the first change was the smell of your sweat. you reek! you smell like your brother! hell yeah! here’s something Really cool: your boyfriend starts T on your 4-month Tversary! hehehe, nice. you both can’t wait to look like a boy! dysphoria has definitely been beating your ass lately, and you don’t help yourself because you don’t work out but you trigger yourself by looking at the people who give you the most gender envy… be serious lol you’re so silly. you’ll figure that out eventually. you’ll also figure out what’ll happen once your female parental figure catches on… it’s been rough dealing with the constant misgendering but it is what it is. at some point in time, they’ll look crazy if they refer to me as a woman in front of anyone who doesn’t know us (or me pre-transition).

• you started therapy and meds again! november 15th and 16th, respectively. you like your therapist! she’s a lot more helpful than your last one. your meds are doing their job; your mood swings aren’t as extreme anymore! but you might have to up your dosage soon because while the side effects wore off, you’re binge eating again. speaking of…

• you’re unfortunately back in your d*s*rd*r*d era, and you’re taking it quite seriously (except for the fact that you’re a b*nger and that’s what’s fucking you up.) you aren’t mentally or physically ready for recovery, nor are you Prepared; your definition of recovery is just b*ng*ng. it’s either you st*rve or b*nge; no in between. very sad tbh. but hey, you’re no longer in the 200s! you definitely need to do something about this… not recovery, at least, not anytime soon. your plan is to talk to your doctor and psych about your… Problem and make it very clear that you’re in severe mental and emotional distress about it and that you very much Need a solution. you Need something that’ll destroy your appetite and make it so that you’re not eating your emotions (or lack thereof). hopefully you can figure something out without them catching onto your Real goal…

• you really, Really hate your conceivers. nothing new, but your female parent equivalent has been absolutely insufferable lately. quite frankly, it’s horrific. atrocious. you and your fatherly parent equivalent have had more than one conversation about her out of control behavior and you’re both on the same page: she’s fucking crazy, and not in a funny or healable way. at this point all you can do is worry about yourself and hope for the best. seriously. in other news, you were confronted about stealing your dad’s money. you have none because you quit the observatory in october (thank god) so you’ve been stealing his to get by. you blew threw the $400 he sent you for your birthday (like two weeks early, so is it really my fault?) and you’re about o blow through the $200 you got on your actual birthday, but you’re “trying” to make it last until you get this possible job… oh yeah, your next job will most likely be caring for your brother. money is money, i guess. you don’t know any of the details but honestly at this point, you’d be stupid to say no.

• this one is quick: you had a falling out with the gc; it’s just jillybeanz now and you feel like it’s a pretty solid friend group that isn’t going anywhere. we constantly affirm each other and it’s really nice! this feels right. i hope we’re friends forever, all of us amongst ourselves and as a whole. 🫶🏽

• you also had a strong falling out with alli where you took a month break at her request, but you’ve made up now. it’s still a bit odd because she’s quieter now and you find it hard to talk to her about random topics like you used to because her responses are so lackluster, but when you Do get the gears going, it goes well! you and stass are fine but you need to do a much better job of engaging in real conversation with both of them.

• funny enough, this falling out was pretty parallel to you realizing some not-so-fun feelings you had towards your boyfriend, but you’ve worked it out now so it’s all good! don’t be afraid to ask more questions. you’re partners! it’s okay to ask for clarification! 🫶🏽

• alright, fine. we can finally talk about your favorite part: kpop. you finally let go of those silly feelings about she-who-shall-not-be-named and finally, finally ult skz, like god intended. your current top 3 groups are ateez, xdinary heroes, and stray kids! your ults as of right now are gunil, bangchan, jongho, ode, hongjoong, changbin, and jisung! your semi-ult is taehyun, and your regular biases are junhan, seungmin, yeosang, and hueningkai. there’s also wonseo and sunggook, steve and kyungmun (and maybe eunho?), and lola. you’re working on seventeen but it’s been pretty consistent with minghao, vernon, and jun for a short while now. you got chris’ bubble and well, let’s just say it’s been Fun. you still have oguogu’s bubble, but you don’t talk to them as much as you used to because you’re kind of in your skz era right now, BUT you’re slowly working yourself back into both your atz And xh era. you’re learning how to balance all 3! thank you wellbutrin lol. you’ve finally organized your damn stray pcs lol, or as organized as they can get when you don’t have the proper supplies. it’s better than nothing! you’re very very nervous for whoever’s going on tour next year, but hopefully if you get this job (and maybe even a second overnight one) you can save up enough to see your faves on tour… that’s wishful and very far away thinking, though. a girl can dream..

• oh! how could you forget! you’ve finally decided to quit weed, and as of today you’re a month and 12 days clean! it’s been a very rough month and you’ve almost broken on multiple occasions, but you are genuinely so grateful that you’ve stayed strong and not given into the urges. it still doesn’t feel like you’re quitting forever but honestly, as much as i Hate it, that’s the goal. you don’t need drugs in your life. you’ve even moderated your alcohol use, which is amazing because usually when you don’t have one, you need the other. i think you can thank wellbutrin for that one too. here’s to living nicotine And weed free, and to actually drinking socially!

all in all, it’s been a Very Eventful and Very Forgetful 2023. i hope that 2024 is more stable, peaceful, joyful, and fruitful than 2023. not just for you, but for all of your loved ones too. best of luck next year, sev! keep yourself posted! happy late birthday, and happy new year. 🫶🏽

today, april 26th 2021, marks the start of my two-week countdown.

in two weeks' time, i'll be shipping out to Navy basic training.

where will i be by the time i look back at these posts? what will i be thinking? what will i look like? will i be proud? will i regret it? did i make it through? am i over it? should i be proud? am i stronger than i thought i was? i have so many questions for you, future me.

tell me; did i do good? did i make myself proud? i need to know.

who are you right now, at the time of new you reading this?

right now, i'm scared. stressed out. embarrassed. ashamed. embarrassed that it took this long to get here and ashamed that i'm having second thoughts. i'm doubting you. but i bet you discover a newfound strength in boot camp, don't you?

i should keep my wits about me; my head on my shoulders. i should be kind to myself, and patient. i should be better to myself.

i hope i make you proud.

[reyjustrey]

SO. Since my dash decided to EAT a small number of my recent posts - all of which were responding to very kindly messages I’d got from dear friends - I’ve decided to SPITE THE B@$T@RD THING and write a little thingy here about some of my most treasured people. This is NOT AN EXCLUSIVE LIST by any shape, manner or form. I do however suggest that, if you don’t follow any of these most excellent people, you take this post as a DO IT NOW and...well. Do it now x3

So begins Pumpkin-mun’s lovin’s list.

@sithroyal​ - This here is some PRIME REAL ESTATE  in terms of a Kylo/Ben blog. Mun is just a glorious human being - very much a world-builder; a story teller through intricacies and detail - and I just can’t speak highly enough of ‘em. I’ve missed you Rips. Very glad to see you pottering about again <3

@brooklynislandgirl​ - HALT AND TURN. I’ve known the proprietress of this exceptional OC blog for a number of years now, and count myself lucky to write with her. The depth she’s put into her character Beth is just STUNNING - from her diction to the intricacies of how her mind works; how she sees the world - and for these and many other reasons I find myself absolutely hooked to her writing even after those aforementioned years. Always is there something new to discover and explore. If you’re not already a follower, what’re you doing with your time?

@kylo-wrecked​ - NOW. Now. I need a minute here. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m free with compliments - not that I give them when they’re not due, but when I give them I GIVE THEM - but this wonderful human and their equally wonderful muse have just LIT UP my past couple of months. What with the world being on FIRE give or take flames, I think everyone’s been struggling to keep up -- even with their hobbies. I know I certainly have. But this person here...Friend, you’ve helped keep me engaged here and distracted from the dung-heap that is the present situation re:That Which Shall Not Be Named. THANK YOU. 

Really. Thank you.

Caps, I find, kinda steal meaning in their loudness <3

@goldcnblood​ - Yet another exceptional talent - as multifaceted as their blog! - mun Winter is just a darling who, I must say, I have all the time in the world for. Writing with you, friend, brought my small-to-medium sized Desert Gremlin (tm) into an entirely new verse and for that, and all the opportunities for adventures and character development that has brought, I’m so very grateful. 

@glitchexmachina​ - Ah, my wonderful darling human with whom I adore writing, let me extend sincere thanks for all the time you’ve given me over our acquaintance; all the opportunities to craft a world with you, to develop Rey’s character and story and all the smiles you’ve caused besides. You’re an ENTIRE TALENT who deserves much adulation for the work you put into your characters.

[historymaiden]

Not The Image (of What He Dreamed Of)

Me? Stealing @peonymoss  ‘s QV characters and creating backstories for them??? More likely than you think! @truth-renowned is a Saint for editing this. 

Also, guess in the replies what line came from real life? (hint, Andrew says it.) 

Summary: Bill Tipton’s family finally comes in to visit him. This is a Rollercoaster of feelings sorry fam. 

Bill smiles softly. He had just come back from whirlpool and he was excited. His family was coming in from Kennett Square and it was their first time coming to see him.

He heard people talking, and he prepared himself. He knew it would be a shock for them. Hell, he had come back alive, but with half his face and some of his hands burned off.

The nurse opened the door and he smiles seeing his 20-year-old brother Andrew, with tears in his eyes, running to him and giving him a hug.

Bill hugs him back, the best he can, and rubs his back before slowly forming the words, “Hi brother.”

Andrew looks up and smiles. “Hi Bill,” he says before letting go of him and sitting in the chair.

His mom had looked at him shocked, before regaining her composure and hugging him. “Hi my darling boy.” she smiles.

Bill smiles and hugs her before turning to Andrew nervously saying on the verge of tears, “C-can you open the first drawer on this table for-r me? And grab the elephant and the two packages?”

Andrew nods and opens it before smiling and placing two packages and a  little elephant on Bill’s palm.

Bill turns and shows his mom the jaded elephant. “T-trunks up,” he smiles.

“Trunks up darling. Trunks up.” She smiles with tears in her eyes before kissing the little elephant and beaming at him.

“Andrew, can you open the two packages?” he says.

Andrew nods and slowly opens one of the packages and smiles, showing them Bill’s Purple Heart. “This is your Purple Heart.” It was a purple heart, with an image of George Washington on it and gold trimming on the edges.

“This is for not being dead.” Bill grins.

Andrew chuckles and smiles while his mom wipes her tears away and smiles. Bill sees his father at the door talking to his nurses, but Bill turns his attention back to his mom and brother while Andrews opens up the other package and showing it to his mom.

“So this one is a Bronze Star. It’s for what I did that got me burned to a crisp.” Bill chuckles.

“What did you do?” Andrew asks.

“I saved three men from a tipped over tank. Exploded on us though, which is how I’m like this.” He gestured to himself. “All three men are alive though.”

“I’m so proud of you son.” His mom smiles and hesitantly takes his bandaged hand. “We were all so worried, but now seeing you here, I know you’re going to make it.” She smiles.

“Thank you.” He smiles. “So Andrew? How did school go?”

“Good. Straight A’s.” Andrew smiles. “How about you? How’s hospital life?”

“G-good. I w-went to the whirlpool and started to play Bridge last week.” Bill smiles.

“Bridge, huh? Is it fun?” Andrew smiles.

“It is. It felt weir-rd,” he says stumbling over his words before getting bleary eyed and sighing.

Andrew got up and motioned for him to scoot over, and then got into the bed next to Bill, and clings to him.

“Weird to be near people again.” Bill sighs rubbing his younger brother’s back.

Andrew nods and looks at him, and starts humming “Accentuate the Positive.”

Bill smiles weakly before humming along too.

“So where did you end up last?” His mom asks.

“I was in France.” Bill smiles. “Very pretty. I would like to go back again when this is all over of course.”

Andrew nods and smiles. “I bet. Penn’s fun, but I wish you were still there.” Bill nods. “I’ll go back sometime.”

“So, any girls?” Andrew smirks.

“Andr-rew!” Bill laughs and whacks him with a pillow he grabbed.

“Hey!” Andrew laughed and hit him in the chest with another pillow.

Bill wheezes and holds his hands up, dropping the pillow. ”I surrender. I surrender!”

Andrew throws his pillow behind him and curls up to him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right. There is one girl, she does b-bridge club with us. She’s really pretty. I think her name is Haz-zel?”  

His mom nods. “I see. Do you like her?” She teases him.

“Mom!” He says groaning.

“Wait, if Bill has a friend that’s a girl, does that mean that he has a girlfriend?” Andrew grins innocently.

Bill rolls his eyes as the door opens. He looks up as his father walks in. “Papa?” He asks worryingly.

His father looks over him disapprovingly and Bill looks between his mom and Andrew. Bill had never seen his father look like this, and it was scaring him. His father looks at him, looks at his mom and brother, then shakes his head and says, “You are not my son.” before grabbing his mom and brother pulling them outside.

He tries to call for them, and Andrew runs to hug Bill and puts the medals away before giving him a look of pity and going with his family, while his mom looks angry at his father before resigning to him.

Bill tries to blink back tears, but it does no good and he starts crying, hard. He wasn’t his father’s son. That, that hurt. Hurt more than the explosion that almost took his life, hurt more than bandage changes, hurt more than the gazes he got when he was out in the ward.

He starts humming “Accentuate the Positive” while trying to calm himself down and cradles the elephant on his chest.

He wasn’t going to let this bother him. He could do fine without his father. He would do fine without him.

So, his father didn’t accept him for what happened. Well, his loss.

His loss indeed.