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ibelievewhatyousaid · 2 months ago

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The Sinner’s assigned Abnormalities in L. Corp are very intriguing to me, as not being a general “resonance,” that Limbus uses with its current day Ego. But! They were assigned that for a given reason, even if only on a meta level, so I’d like to put my two cents into it as I love the Lobcorp Abnos so much. These are simplified summaries of the Abnormalities and speculation on how they fit said Sinner.

Faust - Forsaken Murderer

I do not believe she has an Ego Gift adored to her except the one for this Abno, so we can focus in on this purely; all being of Forsaken Murderer. (On this note, although I am not talking about the realization Ruina Egos, Meursault has Ego for this Abno as well) Forsaken Murderer in his original logs was said to have been a murderer in federal prison to have been sentenced to death. Before that could take place, a bunch of researchers decided to experiment on him. They wanted to prove an innate “evil,” existed and on a further level, they wanted to “cure,” him, although unclear what it really was they wanted to cure. Their experiments twisted out all of his penitence for violence, turning him docile, until he came to this belief of ringing in his head, that his head itself had became metal, leading to self harm against himself. Eventually a fatal accident happens, the researchers jump the ship and decide to simply dissect his brain, until the end he muttered, “ends, begins, ends, begins, end.”

NOW, this is hard to shape into Faust’s story, given how little we know about her on a deeper level, but, I think there’s already (shallow-ish) connections we can make. Faust has a lot of implications of science experiment (Child in a Flask, Telepole) whether we take this ‘literally,’ it’s safe to say either way Faustcord keeps her on a tight leash as being an “experiment” of a Faust who is willing to take a gamble. A lot of Forsaken Murderer focuses on the fact he is chained and tied up but “free as any other man,” we could take this as Faust’s expectation of being a skilled scientist and genius who is bound by those around her, to fulfill that role, yet “free,” at the sake of being all knowing. Faust is “omnipresent,” yet she is just another in a chain of command. In TKT she mentions to Vergilius that both of them “know their place,” despite how great she is, how “free,” of knowing she is, she is just another chain, in both the City and Dante’s contract to the sinners. We can also go deeper with this concept of “inevitably,” of the city, given to her by a predestined plan of fates, in every mirror world, how it all will end has already been put into motion. To know of how tied you are to fate surely must be a token of freedom as well, can’t it? He also seems to have a bit of an ego, a Ruina line of his being, “Don’t look at me with those eyes. You’re the most pitiful one here.” Which, fits Faust’s need to be above others, such as “Faust is brilliant, smart, Yi Sang is a genius.” An implication that Yi Sang had a cap on how brilliant he can be, something he must’ve lucked into, Faust was born to be great. Even if she is regrettably pitiful in every other aspect. An inability to connect to others or form meaningful attachments, this especially rears its head in events were her intelligence creates gaps between her and others, all of MotWE or Dante’s brush off of her in Canto 6 when she cannot given them an answer, or, even earlier, Sinclair accusing Faust and Limbus using the Sinners as compasses to boughs. In all situations it leaves her isolated and awkward, unable to answer, creating a larger, pitiful wedge between her and others, despite how great she is. She is still a thing to be “studied,” whether from an actual scientist or to other versions of her, or those around her, she is a spectacle.

Outis - Der Freishütz / Bloodbath

The story of Der Freischütz in Lobcorp was of a marksman making a deal with the devil, the devil proposed that the gun could shoot anyone, on the last bullet it would pierce the person the marksman loved, in return, the devil would gain the marksman soul in hell. The marksman thus went through all his bullets, killing off all his loved ones. The marksman traveled, simply doing good and bad deeds in impulse, no sign of an actual moral code. Eventually, he realized that the devil had long since stopped following him. He realizes that the contract had long been fulfilled, since the very beginning of him giving up his loved ones, did he fall to hell. And so, now a devil as well, the marksman continued to shoot anyone he wanted, forever.

Again, another sinner we’re left out in the cold for. But, to tap into Outis’ source, The Odyssey, the story follows Odysseus’ desperation to finally reach home, to his family. As the stories play out the more Odysseus gives up his morals. To sacrificing his men to no mercy, a king who was once gentle and kind, gives up all people around him to succeed in arriving home. Of course, from the start, Odysseus had given up his family, a mother who died alone, a wife left waiting for over a decade, a son who had never known him. Odysseus also makes many deals with Gods around him, something he pays greatly later for. Of course, none of this is a one for one, but I think it is to mimic Odysseus, or here, Outis’ slower decent into someone who hurts those who she loves (or should’ve) by her cruelty, once Odysseus had set off to war was the moment he was bound to lose everything. Which, is very similar to how Der Freishütz is, he had lost his humanity the moment he made the deal.

Bloodbath is a Abno based overtly on Carmen, but, to ease it into a more general baseless story, the Abnormality represents: “the pain of all those who couldn’t take their sorrow in stride.” A huge focus on Bloodbath is the guilt of love, of unable to achieve success, using “scars” as marks of failure. The bath mocks the person peering in with hands reaching out desperately, as if begging to be saved, or joined, in this misery. It’s a sign of endless despair, unable to ever reach the climax of this, the only outcome is to accept this wave of despair and let yourself accept it.

So, arguably this fits Outis really well just on the bases of the line: “Many hands float in the bath. They are the hands of the people I once loved.” This once again, is more of a line of thinking born from her source, but a lot of Odysseus’ guilt is haunting to him, specifically that of Penelope, but overall, he gives up many men, including people very close to him, to never truly “succeed,” I feel like this one is easier to connect to, given what I said of the previous Abno to Outis, so.

Don Quixote - Meat Lantern / Void Dream / Fragment of the Universe

Meat Lantern is quite.. obtuse, in its logs, both in Lobcorp and LoR most is left obscure. Which is terribly fitting. Meat Lantern, by your guess, is obviously not a tiny little flower. The logs say that it is gigantic, underneath the entire facility, always waiting, it lures people in, in L. Corp’s lens, it lures in employees by being a lantern, something shiny, full of hope, they haven’t seen stuck underground for so long. Any nature, any lights, something that wasn’t horrific or artificial has long since been lost to everyone there. It’s easy to feel it calling to them, to reach out, to touch, but it’s all a ploy to devour and eat whoever trusts it.

So, Donqui’s Abnos are actually what made me originally want to write about them. I had written out my analysis of hers a few months before, but it was too hinged on my own reading of her that it felt easy to write off as me sounding insane. But! With the reveal of MotWE.. this seems, pretty obvious. (Glad to know I’m not too crazy) Don Quixote wears a mask, one of “hope” something born from really just being .. silly, of something rare in the City. Someone who genuinely believes in good? In hope? Here? As “Don Quixote” stands as an ideal, a concept, “too good to be true.” and beneath that is a “reality,” no one’s has “really ever seen.” (as the log says about the “real body” of Meat Lantern) and then “devours” people. Yeah. I bet.

Void Dream’s logs follow someone who has Void Dream eat all their nightmares, giving them the best dream they could have imagined, the person they love had returned, even working in such a horrible company that is L. Corp was good. Everything was so, so amazing, a perfect ideal world for the dreamer. When waking up, the person was crushed by reality, when forced to confront the truth they became despaired. They tried to find those dreams again, in an obsession, but, they never did come back. The employee comes to the realization that Void Dream’s deal was too good to be true, that from the start, the Abno had set them up. And they had lost, unable to enjoy either sides of reality or dreams, they find their way back to Void Dream and beg them to eat all their dreams. Stealing away all their dreams, nightmares, hopes and despairs, virtually leaving them empty. When Void Dream is accused of leading people on, it brushes off the person, insisting it just wishes the best for others. The line, “a demon must change its shape to deceive others.”

Originally, I had read this purely as Don Quixote being put into the victim’s prospective, someone who “wakes up” from a perfect dream to be crushed by reality. And, I don’t actually disagree, I think this still 100% fits. But I think her fitting “as” the Abnormality makes perfect sense, too. Obviously, the whole “deceiving others,” line fits. To change one’s shape, a “demon” a Bloodfiend, to deceive others into seeing it as innocent, pure, true to the ideals it preaches. But, and this is a bit speculation on what we know very little of, “Don Quixote,” was given, or is a dream herself that a Bloodfiend wishes to dream, that Bloodfiend must’ve spun this tale, this “perfect” dream is an “act of kindness,” despite not being kind at all. Despite giving out this dream, not only to herself, but to others around her, does it lead to destruction and a harsher fall to reality itself.

Fragment of the Universe.. actually isn’t an Abnormality. At least, not traditionally, if the logs are true. The log mentions how it let itself be caught and studied, and through studying they declared it “intelligent enough” to communicate via language, thus, it learned more and more of humans and humanity. It became endeared and loved people. It reflected what it saw, leading to it looking like a kid’s drawings of hearts. When asked why it had came to interact with humans, it said it wanted to spread messages. One being its song, a song of the universe that drove people crazy, but also let them “finally see the stars,” and also to inform everyone that “there are no coincidences in the universe.”

FotU is really intertwined to its love of humanity, even its design is rooted in this love for the species. Its aim to spread its song is to “relieve” people, as well, even if misguided or unable to be understood. I think Don Quixote, as a concept, is so terribly human. She’s overly emotional, she’s quick to action, strong morals, she’s clumsy and brave and fearful and determined. She is so very human that it backfires. Given Cassetti’s lines, “we are so, so hideous behind the mask.” and his dedication as well as other Bloodfiends to “run” from being monsters and Elena’s lines of her wondering if she was desperate enough to “chase after being an ordinary human again.” I think the Bloodfiend behind Don Quixote genuinely loves humans, and, most likely, wants to “be” one. And “reflects” what she sees, which is a habit Donqui has, mirroring Merusault in TKT, or wishing to “copy” other sinners from Outis’ wristwatch. Donqui also has a huge tie to stars, so, so many of her IDs have her mentioning them, not to mention her tagline. I think an Abno who knows far more than it lets on, powerful, letting itself into humanity, coming to love them, but never being one, is dreadfully fitting.

Yi Sang - Funeral of the Dead Butterflies

FotDB is an Abnormality born from the pain and suffering of.. Lobotomy Corporation, actually! It’s a mourner who is rumored to wandering the halls of the facility with a coffin for those who are bound to be lost, an early mourning for those who are destined to die, and an incomplete sorrow for those already gone, the coffin too small to fit them all, unable to fall asleep or escape. The ending of the log decides that there is no escape, these butterflies are damned to wait, because there “must be an end to every world.”

I think, just like with Gregor’s case, although the original Abnormality is directly tied to L. Corp, in a more general definition, it is about the pain and sorrow of those inevitable deaths born from things such as K corp, or the Smoke War. Cases of people’s lives being thrown away and devalued, not given proper burials, no home to escape to, a fate to dying here, leaving the mourning to the others in the same situation who simply “lucked out.” In Yi Sang’s case, an “ending for every world,” feels very deliberate to the “world,” in which he was locked up in a cage, passively awaiting the days for it to end, one way or another, only to realize he was able to walk out, that the door was never locked. Yi Sang’s grief and attachment to the League of Nine, the only person who seems to grieve over those loses, alone, carrying that pain wherever he goes. In that sense, “an ending to every world,” could also be turned into a guaranteed ending of things he loved as well. There is more to be said, but this one seems very obvious.

Ryōshū - Spider Bud / One sin and Hundreds of Good Deeds / Scorched Girl / Bloodbath / Big and Will be Bad Wolf

(Oh my God girl. Do you need that many???)

Spider Bud is an Abno that is deeply protective of her babies, quite literally her alternative name being “brood mother,” she reacts negatively and violent if an Agent hurts or steps on her children

Ryōshū has gotten this Abno thrice now. It’s gotta be important, and yeah, it is! This is born purely from her Source, but Yoshihide’s tragedy is losing his daughter, Spider Bud’s entire gimmick is being peaceful (as an Abno can be) unless someone hurts her children, she stalks and watches and exacts revenge against those people. I didn’t want to bring in Uptie stories, but Ryōshū’s uncharacteristic gentleness to the spiderlings who nip at her is really.. striking. Once again, this one feels kind of.. duh, so I won’t go much deeper into it.

One Sin is an Abnormality with the purpose of being confessed to, to relieve one of their sins, it’s tied to religion to Hell’s screen gimmick of.. Hell.. feels, yes, but I feel as though this is more general and disingenuous from One Sin’s connection to Christianity while Hell’s screen is about Buddhism’s hell. Instead this felt more interlined to Parallel Gebura. A lot of people have jumped on this for power scaling fun, but! I think it’s important to realize why Carmen would’ve said “At least similar in this regard,” my take is that a huge aspect of Gebura’s woes in Lobcorp was her unable to protect those she loved. Given Yoshihide’s tragedy here, unable to protect his daughter. I think that is the aim that makes the most sense right now with how very little we have about Ryōshū.

Scorched Girl is another Abnormality she’s already gotten, all in all, SG lives on a sense of angered revenge and self destruction. Her logs depict her to be torn in two from her desire of affection to one of wishing harm on others.

Her attempt at hurting others involves hurting herself, which lines up with Yoshihide’s ending, of his natural self destructiveness, how he makes his art and his death. Her rage also lines up with Ryōshū’s, a want to have back warmth, love she’s lost, but only able to be a match of destruction.

Bloodbath, we already covered this in Outis’ section! I think Outis and Ryōshū naturally align similarly, (Hong Lu, Mr. “Horrific family” isn’t ever the one getting cold or aloof to mentions of family or parents or children, it’s only ever these two!) A guilt of unable to succeed despite how much you gave up and sacrificed, including others And to lose those you love, the hands in the water being everyone you’ve ever loved, by your own faults.

Finally, Big and Will be Bad Wolf! The Abnormality is about being set up from birth being one way. From the way society sees you, you will always be what they depict you as. The Abnormality doesn’t feel remorse over the violence it causes, because it was “inevitable” he’d turn out this way. Who is he to blame nature? Regardless of nurture.

This one is the most hard to really fit without going “well, just a hunch.” I think this could be in regards to Yoshihide’s further and further acts of violence and pain to others around him, but unable to feel that remorse (until it is too late) because he was born with this way. He was “born” an “artist.” Who is he to defy things sacrificed for art? He is unable to be anything but cruel and vindictive, and he doesn’t try to be.

Well, that’s everything I could remember off the top of my head! Apologies if it starts to get a little weaker by the end, I’ve been typing for hours. In general, there’s more I could say or conclude, but, because of how loose Abnos are in concept, as well as how most of these Sinners (everyone but Yi Sang…) haven’t had their cantos yet, it leaves a lot of assumptions built upon their sources and short behavior ticks we’ve seen them display. I won’t say these are confirmed or sure fire takes but more so a jumping off point in fathoming these choices.

#limbus company #lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #faust limbus company #outis limbus company #don quixote limbus company #yi sang limbus company #ryoshu limbus company

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cityofmeliora · 2 months ago

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another absolutely insane Primo interview

in my first post about Primo's characterization, i noted that he has a dark sense of humor and possibly cruel inclinations. i recently found scans of a April 2012 Metal Hammer interview that features Primo and a Nameless Ghoul (big thanks to @ Primoismelting on twitter!!) i can now say with absolute certainly that he delights in evil and cruelty and being a villain.

this interview is like. really long. so i'm not posting a whole transcript. but here some highlights from this interview:

Primo says he would maim a panda bear for less than $500.

THERE ARE VARIOUS MEANS OF ASSESSING WHETHER SOMEONE IS EVIL OR NOT You don't need to wait until a person plunges a rusty pair of gardening shears through your eye to stop and think: "Yes, my reading of the situation is that he's a bit on the evil side." Criminal psychologists and those working in secure psychiatric facilities use questionnaires called psychopathy tests in order to judge whether someone is a grade A violent nutcase or not... whether they're mad or simply bad. Today's two subjects from the occult rock band Ghost – a sinister figure shrouded in robes who answers only to the title of A Nameless Ghoul and a desiccated cadaverous fiend wearing the pope's robes and mitre, called Papa Emeritus – have agreed to sit ARE YOU EVIL? 101. We tell them, "No one will ever find out. Tell me how much money it would take to persuade you to hit a panda really hard in the face with a brick." Despite his voice being disguised by electronic effects to help preserve his identity, the disgust in the Nameless Ghoul's answer is audible: "It would take a lot of money. An insurmountable amount of money." But you would not kill the panda – probably just fuck its nose up a bit. And I have a Large amount of money to offer you. But the Ghoul will not budge and is clearly appalled: "I will pass thank you. I have no desire to hit a panda in the face with a brick." Papa Emeritus pauses for what feels like an eternity before croaking: "One. Million. Lire.” A willingness to harm animals is often judged to be an indicator of psychotic behaviour. Most people would never agree to hit the unfortunate bamboo-eating, sex-phobic, monochromatic bear on the hooter. Papa is not only happy to do it but he also knows a Gene Simmons-sized business opportunity when he sees one, yet the Ghoul on the other hand has revealed he has a more moral outlook. This is very confusing. Another test is needed. Metal Hammer (April 2012)

the Italian Lira is a now-obsolete currency that was phased out and replaced by the Euro from 1999-2002. in 2001, its last year of usage, it had an average conversion rate of roughly ~2180 Lire = 1 USD. 1 million Lire would be about $460 USD. Primo dgaf about endangered animals LMAO.

Primo reacts with sinister glee at the idea of invading and conquering Poland. (understandably, this is the interview where a Nameless Ghoul compares him to H*tler.)

We put the following to them, "OK, consider this. You are passing by Poland. Do you stop and think A) What a fantastic opportunity, I must visit this famous land and soak up its rich culture and history and make new friends in the process, or B) I must annex this God-forsaken strip of dirt and grind its populace under the heel of my jackboot in order to create Lebensraum for my Reich which will reign in glory for a millennium?" The Nameless Ghoul stammers: "I have yet to step foot in Poland so it's a foreign country to me." Stop avoiding the question. Would you sooner visit Poland for a holiday or invade it? He sighs and says: "In my line of work we are pretty much into invading countries. Being a rock musician with the aim of putting on a very good show all around the world, it would be very handicapping to not explore the cultural aspects of countries you visit. But when you are in a band such as Ghost that's on the rise and you go to a country like Poland, you go there with the aim of conquering the country. You go to their country to enrich them with your culture of blasphemy.” Papa Emeritus does not add anything but he is grinning as much as his rigor mortis will allow and rubbing his hands together. It looks like in his mind he is already packing his bags and choosing a particularly severe tank commander's outfit for the trip. Again there is a big divide between the mysterious monk and his partially decayed singer. The conclusion of the test is far from clear. Could it be – as strange as it may seem – that they are nothing more threatening than ordinary travelling minstrels who simply wish to excite young people with an invigorating and theatrical "rock show"? Or are they indeed, as they claim, emissaries sent from Hades to recruit foot soldiers for the most evil of battles to come? More tests are needed. Metal Hammer (April 2012)

Primo has no problem with being compared to H*tler, but he DOES NOT want you to forget that his dick is HUGE.

The Nameless Ghoul says this is partially the point: "A lot of people presume we're parodying the church by inverting it but this isn't the case. We do the exact same thing as the church but we add a little topping to make a point. I think the real Pope is a very frightening character and that's the reason why he is an impenetrable, invincible and uncontrollable figure. It is the same with Papa Emeritus. You can't defeat Papa Emeritus because he's sacred. Most people find authoritative figures like the Pope enthralling. So he represents everything that is sacred, powerful and authoritative. It is very humorous as well, because not only is he our own Eddie, he's also Freddie Mercury, Adolf Hitler, Dracula, Marlon Brando and the Pope rolled into one.” Anger rouses Papa Emeritus from his near slumber: "Don't forget John Holmes!" The Nameless Ghoul sighs and corrects himself, throwing the 13 -inch-cocked porn star into the mix: "He is like Freddie Mercury, Adolf Hitler, Dracula, Marlon Brando, The Pope and John Holmes rolled into one.” Metal Hammer (April 2012)

Primo fucks, but he DOES NOT do foreplay.

"Thank you," says Papa E. It has to be said, while the singer no doubt cuts quite a figure in his robes and he undeniably has great bone structure, some of which is exposed to the elements, it's perhaps a shame that he doesn't have a better grooming routine as this might afford him and Ghost more young female fans. The Ghoul laughs raucously beneath his hood: "You'd be surprised at how many women flirt scandalously with him from the audience. The Ghouls get repelled when we see this happening actually. It is true that he has good bone structure but I think it is not so much his looks as the idea of him being whoever they want…” So basically you're saying that there are a lot of women out there who are having impure thoughts about a cadaverous cross between Hitler and Freddie Mercury in a dress? He lets out another chuckle: "Yes... yes, I am." Papa cuts in with a lascivious leer: "Whatever makes you think that I do not engulf myself in the carnal aftermath of our masses? I do, however, refrain from so-called 'foreplay'."

in the original lore, Papa Emeritus I was a zombie pope. he was supposed to be an actual literal corpse.

the interview makes several references to Primo being a zombie. he's described as 'cadaverous', having rigor mortis and exposed bones. the joke was that the title "Papa Emeritus" is the title of former popes, but a former pope would by definition be a dead pope, so the idea was that Ghost's Papa Emeritus I was a dead pope. this was before Pope Benedict resigned in 2013 and became the first living Pope Emeritus, ruining the joke, LOL.

#minimal commentary here bc i honestly dont know what to say #i think this really speaks for itself like. he's fucking crazy.#papa emeritus i #primo #radley post #the band ghost lore #quotes

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the-krakens-bitch · 3 months ago

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One of the aspects of season 1 and 2 that made them my favourite were the portrayal of the dynamics of the characters with each and themselves in their adult life.

Give me Klaus having a breakdown cause he’s starting to forget what Dave looks like and the sound of his voice. Show me him begging Five to just go back and save him, as he’s just one person, it won’t matter. But it will. Klaus knows that. He just doesn’t want to believe that.

Show me how Allison sees her daughter refusal to going to bed as something alike herself. Show me the doubt and fear that might come from her seeing herself in Claire.

Show me Luther trying to socialise with other people without it sounding like a formal report.

Show me Five having a hard time opening up entirely with anyone, especially his family. Show me Victor and him both relating that they feel like outsiders with their siblings, that no matter how good they are now, they will never know how it feels to be completely comfortable and secure with them. That deep down, they will always be alone.

Give me the honesty between Diego and Luther, the outraged desperation of Diego wanting to be the leader, to be seen as an equal to Luther, and Luther telling him that he always knew how that affected him. And deep down Luther enjoyed that his leadership was able to ignite some sort of emotion, even if it was disdain, just something to prove to him that what he was doing was worth a reaction.

Show me victor not being used of people calling on him to make the shots.

Show me Allison and Diego bonding over how it feels to lose their voice, to feel weak and defenceless in a world that is so quick to take away their power and anatomy

Show me Luther and Lila undermining anyone older who gives them guidance or are authoritative in fear of becoming susceptible in becoming mindless obedient soldiers again.

Show me Victors tedious relationship with the violin. How he wants to entirely forget how to play the violin, but hating himself by how easily it is to regain that skill. It feels like Reginald’s hand will always be holding his shoulder every time he holds that god forsaken thing.

Show me how Allison is able to conceal her insecurities and guilt with her award wining smile, on and off set.

Show me a quiet bonding moment between Diego and Victor showing each other’s littered scars on their hands, either by failed knife tricks and tightening strings. Both brought upon by an absent father that each other will never quite understand the others perspective

Show me Lila first thought fleeing anytime her and Diego get into a fight, thinking that it’ll be easier to ran away then to face him.

Give me Diego trying so hard trying to be badass but failing, because intrinsically he isn’t a whiskey shooting cold blooded ‘lone wolf’, he’s just someone who loves his family and wants to be truly close to someone

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1-49 · 4 months ago

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burnt orange, #CC5500

╰► A Smoky Night, or an evening that smoulders forever

pairing: jaehyun × f!reader

❝ A burnt orange aura reveals high ambition and a strong desire for change, driven by practicality. Individuals with this shade may display a touch of selfishness, pride, or aggression. Its brown tones introduce a negative energy aspect, indicating potential challenges, lack of energy, or feeling stuck.

tags: this my fav type of angst. tense energy laced with pain with an undercurrent in flirting lol. wc. 10k

jaehyun’s too fine & unreadable. lots of messy signals and an overall fogged atmosphere. think both of them are toxic in their individual style lmao.. pining. implied fevered moments.

Whichever burns brighter ─── the orange flame rising from the evening lamp in the corner , or the view through the windows as the sun sets over the horizon ── you dont know. Each affects your feelings, but primarily it ’s the way it all reflects on him. The warm glow that has accumulated in his harsh eyes from both simply signifies that the journey is coming to an end. The day is almost over, and so are you two.

────── Slanderous comments were made, and accusations were traded. There is now nothing left to cling to. The only truth beneath all of Jaehyun’s painfully continuous smoothing and touching of his baseball cap, which he seems to be pulling in despite the fact that it’s already on his head, is his intense anxiety and uneasiness.

There is no longer any chance to salvage this; everything is in terminal decline, so there is no point in saying you’re sorry or taking back what you both said. Moreover, this should be easy to conclude because if there is anything you have learned from him, it’s how to develop stronger character.

... But the truth is very different from your wish that it is simple.

& you hate the truth! You hate finding yourself in this predicament. You hate that there’s no turning around. But the worst part of it all is that you hate that you lo—

His eternally soft hair, which has grown slightly, peeks out from under the cap, concealing the majority of his nape. An intimate place that was once kissed, bruised, and then kissed again—but now, his hair is just pushing you away from all of that.

Even his neck is contributing to the sand pile of memories because his oversized, washed brown shirt is too loose around the collar. His silver oli ball chain necklace, which you used to roll around your finger and play with endlessly, now sits glumly in the hollows of his collarbones. That this person was once a close person to you, it’s now a fever dream.

“Please—please stop talking! You-you’re only making this worse!”

“So…”

Giving room for the raging argument to subside, Jaehyun rubs his jaw, debating what to say next. “...so that’s it? We-we are really doing this? Cause we’ve been here before, an—”

You let out a groan of frustration at his pathetic attempt to stop him from talking more. Of course, it’s easy for him to say that, you think, holding that forsaken question under your breath once again as though you want this, as though it’s simple. The way he poses it too, while wearing nothing but skepticism on his face as if he didn’t see this coming after so many meaningless arguments, angers you even more. He’s beautiful, but at times like this, all you want to do is slap all of that beauty straight out of his face.

But perhaps that’s exactly what’s bothering you—your obsession with his nonchalanc-y, which you used to find sexy, now seems to be eating away at your feelings. Stoic expression, a face, and a clenched jaw is all that’s meeting you, so maybe, finding him attractive during these fights does make you crazy.

You take a moment to gather your thoughts before answering, realizing that you’re never going to get anywhere by dragging your eyes along every contour on his delicious face anyway. Surely, it has kept you running back to him. A moment of weakness. And for some stupid unknown reason, he has always tasted even better after every fight. How? But also no! Not this time. You promise!

“What do you want from me, Jaehyun!? Since there’s no telling where we’re going, and it’s been like this for months! I think you’ve been under the impression that I’d wait forever, holding on- and on to what you’ve never said and never will. But I’m not trying to do this anymore! I am seriously not! I’m sick of getting only half of you. I’m done playing open cards. I’m done! Whatever this is… it’s-it’s over.”

Jaehyun scowls at you and ceases his pacing in the middle of the room.

There! Finally, a sign of disturbance. Though you two have been together long enough for you to learn through his impassiveness and all those small, tangible details that guard his innate tender, it’s still difficult to shake an emotion out of him—a real, deep-seated emotion that takes your ‘situationship’ into account.

Simultaneously, perhaps that will help explain why he ‘might even have’ a reason to dislike you, given that you were the only one who witnessed him at his most vulnerable. The only person who truly knows him; nevertheless, he has been growing increasingly aloof lately, so maybe that’s not something he’s into anymore. Maybe all he’s doing is just returning to his former self, the one who existed before the shattered shell you met. And maybe at last he has put his every piece back together and realized that sensitivity is the devil’s bitch and that in this ring, he’s a dog on his own.

Right… Too many ‘maybes’, but he doesn’t give you much to go on for you to consider any other options anyway.

Instead, he smoothes the cap over his head for the forty-ninth time, then flips it back so the bill is in front of his eyes and covers them slightly. Like this, his jawline adopts an even more defined shape. His lips...

The aura of mystery he exudes boots right back in. Given the esoteric shadow cast over his cheekbones, he seems even more prepared to walk out of the door at any moment. Or else you can anticipate more of his wicked smiles, lies, and games if he chooses to stay.

Ironically, he really knows how to wear the cap’s logo, which befits his unserious dead humor. ‘Hysteric’ remains blasted on his head in Times New Roman, but there’s not a trace of hysteria in his character at the moment, as much as you’d like him to have.

Though you wish he were, because if he were, it’d mean he still finds significance in this and that he’s prepared to fight. But that’s not the case at all right now; his voice is as calm and collected as ever, lacking any incline.

Bizarrely enough, the thing that, sort of, falls under that statement are, in fact, your nerves. They rave as you watch him. They fry at the edges. You start to sound even more irate as you think he’s not losing anything, while you seem to be the only one.

Though the words are loaded like a gun, you don’t want to come across as foolish or desperate. But as he offers you no other option, you believe that to be the only picture you paint at this point. And you don’t care if it’s an ugly one.

You’re also having a hard time with your thoughts because they seem to go on forever and it takes you a long time to organize them into something to say. So you just take a moment to ignore him and turn your head away from him, giving the fight another breath, but once you’re ready to go again, he’s somehow closer to you. Significantly closer to you, and only you know how dangerous that is.

You go on, continuing to rant, but all you can seem to focus on are his lips and how they shape with each little thing he says. He’s really of little words in deep tones if you must say so, and—

Well-Fuck! You are caught touring his lips again!!

You’ve no idea how he manages to keep them so balmed and dreamy at all times. Tangerine dusk pours through the windows and contrasts with the same shade of the lamp, making his lips look like melted wax, beckoning you. So sticky, sweet icing-coated, enticing you to lick... Oh, he’s making you sick.

You wave your head, shaking the nasties that have accumulated. Jaehyun doesn’t move an inch. If anything, the fucker knows!

He then makes a move toward you, only this time you’re unsure of whether to regard these steps as your victories or defeats.

As you go on, you find yourself stumbling over your words more and more, observing him removing his cap off of his head once again and running his fingers through his hair, just like he has done countless times before, except this time he doesn’t put it back; instead, he throws it down on the sofa.

Needless to say, there’s something innately dangerous, something deeply unbalanced and maniacal in the way he tilts his head to one side and slowly brushes his hair back as his jet strands catch inside the gaps of his knuckles. Their drag… The glare he gives you... Working his eyes out in the most possible way to make a wreak out of you... He has to, how could he not? You’re a delight to enjoy.

A rabid. The charm of his masculinity surges up as he watches you from the tilted angle. Something deep inside of him transfers esoterically inside your soul. You want him to get deeper into your anger, realizing you’re both just as toxic.

You should tell him to walk away! That he has ruined the evening! That—

But then… he’s looking at you like this... with the absolute right amount of fucked up...

and maybe that’s why you can’t escape,

and maybe that’s exactly why he can’t escape either, as he knows how much you love this.

It’s sick. Absolutely. Entirely. As it backfires all over again; as it all burns up and the orange bathes in the dull black of his eyes. No doubt, he’s your top choice trouble.

But-But you’ve had enough of that cup! You’ve had enough of trouble! You don’t want more! You—

You won’t be shaken. He won’t have an effect on you this time.

Step by step, you move away from him in an attempt to create a space that he keeps closing. You’re conscious of the fact that your eyes dart all over the place and are never focused on his, which gives away the fact that you aren’t really serious about ending this, but you manage nonetheless.

“Sure,” There’s poison in your voice as you begin your closing argument, oblivious to the fact that it’d become just another rant and soften from its vicious substance.

“I-I was lonely when I met you, but so were you! I knew you were lonely too. And it worked... Rather somehow…”

Hesitating, you cast a sidelong glance at your feet, as though trying to remember something, but in the end, failing.

“I don’t know. Maybe we talked more?” Posing the questions to yourself, you pout. “Or? Maybe not? I don’t know. I really don’t know!”

Even though you’re feeling extremely tense, rattled, and frail in your own skin, you look up to him as you proceed. What more is he capable of doing? He’s nothing but a pretty face—It’s your preferred perception. What’s currently more believable. The simpler way out. That he’s not at all complex; and is just as blunt and empty as he wants to make the impression. That the few words birthed from his soft, pouty, supple, unkissed sunkissed lips are nothing but futile, meaningless, and devoid.

However, there appears to be a deep crease developing between his eyebrows, so perhaps your impression of him is inaccurate(?) You aren’t sure why, but all of a sudden you get scared at the possibility that it could mean something. Hell! Looking at him drains you immensely. But-but you-you have t—

“Our fights have stripped us of all our beauty… I’m just left watching you drift farther away.”

As his brows knit, so do yours. You’re debating whether or not to acknowledge your emotions, but in the end, you do.

“To be honest, it’s hurting me. But regardless how ugly the experience is, it’s made me realize how much you mean to me. But still… I know that’s not an excuse to stay with you. I tried to play it cool at first because we were never really stable, but— Not anymore!”

“I don’t know... I feel like there’s nothing I can do anymore. And yes! We’ve already had this conversation. It seems that you particularly like bringing up that fact... Except nothing has been fixed since the last time we fought, J. I wouldn’t be so proud to mention it. It’s merely there to serve as a reminder that we are constantly failing. You say it as though there’s some reason we shouldn’t end this right now, and I’m not sure why you’d even bring that up. I really don’t... We’re no fit for each other.”

Your tone rises at ‘That’s the truth!’ implying that you’re still not prepared to think about it and that you don’t want to accept it, for it to only become more painfully sad and subdued in the following affirming, “That’s the truth…”

You hesitate a moment more before saying the next thing, as it feels like daggers are stabbing into your heart, but you do it nonetheless. Breathing also becomes more difficult as your chest begins to feel constricted, but you force yourself to swallow the fear ball stuck in your throat. Feverous, a shiver of cold runs up your spine as you watch him with your final words. “We failed to save each other. I you… you me.”

With his teeth ground down, Jaehyun rolls his eyes. Your words just feel like a smack. It’s like your attitude has just now put him in a bad mood as if you’re trying your best to leave a permanent crease in between his brows.

You know he’d rather be numb than angry, but the feeling boils within him. You feel that he’s on the verge of just snapping, but he won’t do it outright. In a way, you almost kind of admire that ability of his—to be so patient, as he secretly harbors passive-aggressive tendencies.

Catching a glimpse, you notice his nails scrape through layers of palm flesh as his fingers ball into fists. He continues to clench and unclench them as though he’s encouraging blood flow, but there’s more to the action than that.

And as though he’s suddenly transformed into an animal, he moves his jaw a bit before locking it and pressing his teeth into a dense snarl.

Maybe it aches; maybe he’s in excruciating pain, but he doesn’t show it. The skin collapses in his cheeks, leaving them sunken. His face has the power to kill. It’s deadly... Sexy.

You’re expecting to hear some mean words from him too; and they’re possibly waiting on his lips, hanging in the air between you two like a thread waiting to be cut.

And so, he finally speaks up. “You’re so easy to give up,” his voice as deeply warm as it can get—contradictory in and of itself, just like he is.

The word choice?? It catches you off guard. Even shocks you. Suddenly? Abruptly and seriously? Just like that!? Of all the words and expressions conceivable, and after you’ve been berating him for so long, all you get back is that? Really!? You find them so unbelievably funny that you can’t help but smirk miserably and accept their presumed grim sarcasm.

Asking rhetorically, you follow their ironic trajectory, “So easy to give up!?” playing it off cynically at first until you’re no longer able to. Then, as you continue, your voice grows huskier; he actually provides the reason for you to do so, encouraging you to take things seriously when he won’t.

“How am I so easy to give up!? Tell me! Tell me, do I give up easily? Or-uh-do I hold on too long, Jaehyun!? Cause I gave us—This… enough time and realized what I want will never be enough… I need to take care of myself.”

Saying, “You are selfish,” he takes another step. His eyebrow arches subconsciously as he says the word, which is also repulsively beautifully formed by his lips. But what does it mean? What does he mean!??

“Wow,” you’re left sneering and scoffing in disbelief. “And can you blame me!? For wanting to protect myself? For wishing better for myself!? Because you—” In the heat, you even step over a boundary as you take a step towards him too, pointing and pressing your index finger at his chest. “You are so distant! You hardly express what you feel. I can’t get through to you. It’s like I have you but I don’t-really…” Almost as if it had finally drowned in sorrow, your voice becomes faint and gentle. “I’m tired, Jay.”

Your eyes say the same thing, there’s a sudden despair in them. A vision that perpetually sinks. Eyes of ‘the conquered.’ Glossy. Your tears are asking for permission as you say, “You-you are like something I can’t really have... And-and every time we have this conversation, you-you love to-to change it,” you feel your lips quiver. “To-to stop it. To—”

“Stop!” Jaehyun interrupts your delirious thoughts as he takes the last step and closes any gap that may exist between you two.

“Don’t!” You shout back at whatever move, aim, or objective he may have. But remain still, resolute, and maintain your ground. Not yet waving the white, even though he’s so close—so excessively, painfully close—that he’s able to feel the quivering waves coming from your body. So awfully close that his scent is gnawing at your nose. It’s insistent, just like his perpetually clenched jawline. His jawbone might shatter from such thightness.

The stimulation all comes in spasms. Your walls crumble on themselves, gripping, tightening, constricting... Your body begins to prepare for a fit of sobbing. Hot. Quaver. Fever. Literally, you writhe in agony under his intimidating breath that seeps beneath your skin and sinks its daggered claws within. However, you gasp for air as your own breath slips from your fingertips.

Whispery, “I wish I—I could be true…” intimately, “to you, Jeong…” vulnerably, “I really do… But it’s plain to see I’m not the one.”

Silence.

A profound sense of loss spreads through the room and meditates on the lifeless air. Despite the body closeness, there’s a lingering emptiness that feels like the quiet of a hall on a cold winter night.

The sun fades to shadows, chasing the sunset away. Beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows, bluish-dark inks the sky. Duplicates of the two of you on the walls due to the lamp’s remaining orange. The only thing left after such a confession is that the ground appears really lovely and that you ought to concentrate on it till he separates and walks away.

It nearly stops your heart when Jaehyun’s pensive, icy fingers circle around your chin and lift your face to pull you closer.

His slightly black mullet trickles along his earlobes. With a furious look, he rolls his lower lip between his teeth. In thought, though, there’s still resoluteness residing on his face at which you want to scream, ‘SAY SOMETHING TO ME.’

But why? Why would you want more, knowing it’d only prove a disaster and cause more misery?

Thus, you grab his wrist angrily, forcing him to stop controlling your face and eyes so you can only focus on his. You’ve also had the best teacher in him because he has always been so competitive. Two can therefore grit their teeth at each other.

There’s also a lot of resistance initially due to his strength. You both lose a little bit of balance as he counter-grips your wrist, and you briefly rustle as your bodies come into contact. What matters is that his hand does, in the end, get ripped away from your chin.

With his empty hands by his sides, Jaehyun gently blinks multiple times, and all of a sudden, everything changes—the energy, the atmosphere... him… you.

His lips flat into a bread-shaped smile, causing lovley holes to sink at his cheeks. You hear nothing but a cry of help through his tiny, adorable smile, which may indicate that he refuses to offer a piece of his heart because he doesn’t think it’ll be kept unbroken. His almond eyes liquid with anxiety as you expect his voice to soften again and tell you another pretty lie.

Lacking specificity, you ask sharply, “How do you do that?” squinting cynically because you find it incredible. What you’re referring to, though, is the way he transitions between such extreme emotions in such a tranquil, almost graceful, manner. It astounds you. You’d never see him in total distress. He won’t show it.

A little perplexed, Jaehyun asks, “Do what?”

There’s no way that he’s oblivious to it, so you feel compelled to lash out once more, but all you do is shake your head a little and roll your eyes, which is the equivalent of ‘nevermind.’ This way, you restrain yourself from repeating the same things over and over. Besides, what would be their point?

A second moment of silence ensues.

To release some of his tension, Jaehyun lifts his chin and purses his lips, adjusting the loose collar of his shirt, and continues in the same manner, bending his neck side to side while hooking his fingers to his chain necklace and moving it around.

Not knowing so, or rather so, he’s easily creating very frustrating hypnotism, teasing you in with each twist of his finger around his necklace. His veins are throbbing and protruding, and his tense neck cords are drawing the majority of your attention. His bare neck seems to be begging you to desert your lips on the scent of his perfume. At the same time, if your fingers had a chance, they’d also trace the familiar lines of his collars…..

Yikes! You seem to be clinging again, so Jaehyun bites his smile a couple of times and drags his tongue across his teeth before beaming widely. You shake your head but are unable to resist the invitation to smile yourself when his puffy eyes curve up. His flirty dimples seek your thumbs. This motherfucker…

Altering between hotness and sweetness should be considered a crime. Jail time is due for him. No way are you flirting back.

There seems to be an addiction to space, so proximity is key. But if he gets any closer with this newfound, unfair energy, you fear that you won’t be able to let him go.

In fact, Jaehyun does just that. Being quite competitive, he’d not want to finish second in a game where the person who keeps reaching closer wins.

Naturally, time slows down on itself. And yet more is said now—in the space, between the breaths, and after all those mean words. Could it be that you are becoming a fan of the hushness he so preaches?

His brow lifts again, but this time it’s more like a test, with his slightly blown-out, intrigued eye asking, ‘Why is it so hard for you to believe that I like you?’ It’s playful, but it manipulates you by raising doubts in your mind, making you wonder if he really means, ‘Do I like you?’

Feeling a little roused on the inside, you look at him with the same intensity that he does, and really the only thing separating you two at this moment is your willingness to reach out.

In spur, eyes, lips, and notions are all involved in the play. Jaehyun’s sensuality is just accelerating on top of your angsts. And every playful bite of his lips telepathically leads you in soft-spoken: Open your eyes; Open the keys; Open the mind. Just senses pleading with you to open them. Sight and smell are relatively easy to cross off the list, but taste and touch are a tad bit more tricky.

Lingering just at the tip of your nose, the weight of his perfume raptures you even more so now than previously. It feels as though you’re allowing him to reclaim control over you by allowing his magic to work.

And it does, elevating you to an unexplainable height. If perfume can offer a little sense of who somebody is, his attests to the warmth of his character. Pricey but never pretentious, you assume there seems to be a depth behind his tendency to favor musky scents. As they settle into the skin of each person differently, they have a unique, layered appeal. This intricacy speaks to Jaehyun in a way that’s similar to him and the various facets that comprise his identity. He’s the mild heat of spring—subtle but all at once intense.

That, plus the fact that you’re tipping more to your toes, more to his nose. Again, balance becomes a wavy thing as you’re beginning to lose to the chemical waves.

You overheat, and there’s this ecstatic tingling in your toes—this burning sensation!!

Cooling you down, the wooden floor feels surprisingly nice and cold under your feet. Melting. His lips are steering your emotions, making you loathe the remaining distance between you. And finally, finally, losing yourself- as you descend into the depths of his eyes.

Jaehyun is just smoothly succeeding in wrapping himself around you like the night...

Your crazed heart makes your chest dance to such a heavy rhythm. Your breaths are shallow, and your eyes are—

Pretty malicious, Jaehyun reaches out and slowly runs his knuckles down your cheek as to worsen it all.

With an even more seductive tone and a teasing smile, he asks softly. “What’s the deal, baby?”

Oh god...

A long, trembling sigh escapes you.

He knows! He knows he has to do so little... As if the electric vibrations weren’t already enough, he causes more!! Ghoosbumps begin to form houses along your skin. A powerful, uncomfy warmth ascends from your throat and becomes embedded in your cheeks. Well, this is what happens when a person’s voice becomes your favorite auditory hallucination.

A deep, velvety tone, a voice that belongs in a museum. Best when he’s used it to read you. Valentine warm after he’s led you in a song. Carnal, and in shady hues when he whispers. Such a wild thing, how your thoughts won’t stop romanticizing it. It’s all that you want to hear—as if everything ever stemmed from these id-driven impulses—is to ask for only his voice… Only his voice! And you CAN be greedy…

Once he nuzzles your nose and presses his tample against yours, your body sinks. Your closed eyes are a final measure of restrain as his breath mingles with yours. Thoughts race past like speeding cars. How in the world are you supposed to stop them? Your mouth gets clumsy in the end, it betrays you.

“I-I shouldn’t want you.” You blurt.

Jaehyun smiles in front of your lips and confirms in a flirty, “No-pe.” Just steering your comment in the direction of something good... Because yes, you should—

As you lie, your eyes open. “I really shouldn’t shouldn’t want you!”

Which makes his smile widen even more. His whiskers creasing invisible lines in his cheeks. An artist, indeed... On sinister thought, an angel’s grin.

To say you don’t love him is a lie. To say you love him is an understatement. To say you love him, you can’t. To say you love him now, you arn’t allowed to. It’s basically hell.

You’re doomed. You’re screwed with this magical person standing in front of you.

Yes! Exactly! HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

“How can something so wrong feel so right, then?” He tases in a low voice, dragging his nose across your cheek like a scar. It’s irrelevant if he’s referring to ‘this’ thing or himself. The final point is, he does things to you, and he knows it.

You groan a soft “Jaehyun,” with a mixture of protest and pleasure.

Contrarily, Jaehyun puts his hands around your waist and begins climbing. His lips start to brush under your ear and against your neck.

Shit-SHIT-

Are you going to fall all the way into his hands, or what?

What the devil kind of communication are you supposed to give? What does he expect you to answer? He’s the most bitter sweet, sweetness, heaven sent—

“You are... so...bad,” you drag as his lips rediscover the most delicate spots on your neck, and his muffled hums and moans accompany each kiss.

He acts to support the statement that was meant to be the general response to your question, so it gets a little derived and distorted with what he does, and you find yourself tossing your head back.

He ascends back up, rubbing a nasty “Yeah?” in your face and planting a smiley-boyish kiss to the side of your cheek next to your ear. His damp, choked breath on your skin; his whisper filling your ear; his smoky energy... “So are you, babe.”

FUCK. Awful! Foul. But your body listens. Your wants are left twisting up in knots, and you know only one thing will unlace...

But your mouth...

Your mouth can’t stop sabotaging and pointing out the nonexistent problems, which almost always become problems later on. This might get you the ‘big mouth’ rep but there’s a lot of good coming out that just gets interlaced with some bad. So, yes. True. You’re bad. But so are you both.

There’s a fireside of warmth he has aroused inside you and your lips are almost touching, but but—

“That’s… That’s why the outline of this is wrong.”

—you’re a little stubborn... so if he thinks your brain can take a backseat and let you be so easygoing, then he’s got it wrong. It’ll take longer.

Jaehyun’s fingertips, though, continue to trace along the length of your arm, calling you his with every line while his nose lightly rubs against yours, prompting you to—

“Is it?” he asks.

But maybe that’s what gets him. The ‘longer’. The far more difficult route to the goal. The much larger build-up. Love that bites. Love like war... Sometimes necessary quiet like love in a hunt. Love like the end of the world.

They warned you about him…

You breathe out the air you’ve been holding in your lungs and slip away from him. Depressed by his lukewarm replies, you respond coolly, “Of course, that’s how you’d answer.”

Sincerely, you want to stop; you want to be able to raise your chin, extend your chest, lift your shoulders and project strength, but the situation is so sad that all of its burdens fall upon you, causing you to slouch and feel its full weight once more.

For a hot minute, your tongue stays tied around your throat, as if it were forming an unbreakable noose around your neck. You two exist in this quiet, as all that keeps coming to mind is how beautifully his dark hair frames his face.

And after living in it briefly, you ask quietly, “What happened to you? What happened to us, Jaeh—”

He cuts in, “Oh, come on!” pointing a finger at you disapprovingly and raising his voice a bit, if not for the first time. “Don’t minimize us!”

However, as he goes on, his mouth mirrors his anguish, almost taking on a very faint, repulsive, sick look as he blurts out the words. It moves in disgust, but it hardly opens at all. Like he’s repelled by what he’s hearing or because he’s speaking back in a similarly offensive way(?)

“It’s rather insulting and beneath your design... To drive me away... When-when I’m not.”

The comment so easily revolts you back that just—

“I don’t have to drive you away, Jaehyun! You are away by definition... You are so away, you’re unavailable!”

Fuck!

You pause when the bobbling sensation inside of you rips at your throat, burning your eyes and causing tears to well up like water in a den but other than that you try to hold onto whatever crumb of strength you have left and continue. What does it matter if a hot tear rolls down your cheek and bruises it like a sharp diamond edge?

“I wait for you... I-I fucking watch for you, Jaehyun. The look on your face controls every feeling I have. I can’t fucking breathe because I’m waiting for you. It’s sick! It’s making me sick. I’m sick by it! I’m—I’m sick while all you do is cut my wrists so there’s no love for me- to- reac—”

Love???

Struck that the word left your mouth, you shut your eyes. Stupid! But then again, what did you expect? It can only surface in circumstances this excruciating. And no one has ever said the word up until now. It has never existed in the dictionary you share.

And you may blame your fuzzy vision on the tears that have welled up, or you can blame the small space separating you, but neither of these arguments can discount the fact that the word also takes Jaehyun by surprise and is left doing something to him too.

It’s impossible to miss the red that quickly built up in his ears—it’s not been there all evening. It looks so out of place against his ivory skin. Though nuanced, the action is very telling in itself. Something so intense and visceral that even his mind is powerless to stop it. The slightest clue that only you and he understand its significance and how unsettlingly intimate it is.

Or maybe you’re projecting again? Maybe you just want it to mean something(?) Maybeee… May—

You—You shouldn’t have used that word so carelessly! You—

In truth, you feel crushed by its weight. You feel like you’re ripped bare in the middle of the room and you can’t dress up your feelings again. But there’s also this bizarre solace in the fact that you don’t have to anymore. As the tears begin, your voice, cadence, and delivery are all off. As if they haven’t been already... But you can’t stop now; you’re inside the flux.

“Offer me a promise. Some people carry them in their back pockets, Jaehyun, why can’t you? Can’t you just make one?” Imagine how ironic it’s that you look down to the side pockets of his cargo pants, hoping he’ll pull them from there. But zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. As you go, you’re ugly and desperate. “Even-Even if it doesn’t get fulfilled. Even if it’s just a lie. Please, please just-just say something.”

Jaehyun rubs his temple before combing his hair back, at last giving in to this hour-long argument.

“You know I don’t do that. I have never! I’ve never given false promises and I’ve never lied, even though you enjoy using that against me.”

You know it carries a lot when he calls your name, “.........., this victim blaming has become so casual that—that I somehow always become the spectacle.”

With each painful heartbeat, those pitiful butterflies that occupy the pit of your stomach evolve into bees that sting. The room keeps closing on you as you cry one of the hottest tears you have ever cried, which, to put it simply, causes you to lose the plot. Your words begin to drag on and on, as if you’re barely sewing them together.

“See, you-you can’t… You aren’t willing. No, it’s pretending that you care. You don’t! And we’ve promised to fix—and-and we haven—”

Right now, everything is flying over your head, and it’s too much to try and process whether by getting closer to you again he’s trying to tell you that he’s won the argument or.......

but he does. Jaehyun closes your distance from each other.

You keep your eyes at your feet when his tone softens to one of tenderness again, like the aggressive one isn’t his choice and will never be his choice. It’s only you who can’t make the distinction if he’s speaking with pangs just now or just plain—

“You don’t trust me. You’ve never, in fact.”

“I don’t? … I haven’t?”

You suppress a sob, but your body makes it obvious. But you decide to lift your head and confront him; this is what he’s made of you… A mess—from the ‘home’ he’s constructed around himself. What hurts you is every brick he placed there for protection.

You try again, completely torn. Even your voice is defeated. Long-suffering and tender, “How have I not, Jaehyun? How have I not?”

That leaves you staring into the deep brown abyss. His eyes have become very glossy; perhaps he’s tired. Streaks of moonlight gold and fragments of stolen sunsets appear every time the corner light strikes them ‘just right.’ For a moment, you’re grateful that you have a warm place to return to…

However, one minute you’re on fire, the next you’re burned. That’s just how it works. Initially, you believe it to be the dead petals from the dried rose that have fallen onto your candle next to it and caught fire, but it’s actually the entire thing. This entire thing stinks. It stings.

You dab away the tears in your eyes and smother out the flame, which is cutting off the air and the charring stench is making you ill. Whatever, anyway, on a long enough timeline, you’re bound to get burned; everybody is flammable.

You take a deep swallow and then say what’s already been on your mind for most of the evening.

“I won’t say anything more... I-I think… you should walk away. You ruined the evening.”

…Right. Enough playing house with each other’s feelings.

Be that as it may, all of the ‘distance’ between you and him can be summed up in a single word that right now just so happens to be on your tongue. It’d also be easier if one of you could say it, but it’s hard to swallow pride when you’re prideful on both sides.

At first, the way he squints and rolls his tongue suggests that your words have surprised him. But somewhat, gravity shifts quietly, gently. Something heavy, almost out of balance, is in his dark eyes. You think they’re absorbing as they walk from yours down to your lips and back to your eyes again, and perhaps for the last time. Like as if he’s penetrating your doubt with his last seductive stare, the one that touches you without touching.

Breathing in moisture from abstract feelings, love on fire, and mischief well-hung onto his lips, Jaehyun asks softly, “You want me to leave?”

Your gut is in knots as you rip off a breathy, “You don’t want to stay.”

………

He gives you a deeply mistrusting look and then his thumbs dig into your cheeks as he yanks you tight towards him.

Not even time for you to—BLANK—you’re in clutches of uncontrollable desire; your heart lunches into your throat. It feels like a ship crashing as your lips meet.

Your impulsory senses too betray every right you spent the entire night fighting for, as your hands rise to his face, grasping it firmly to do the exact same thing Jaehyun is doing to you: keep him in place for you.

Except for his velvety lips, nothing about the kiss is gentle. Yanking, pulling, and gasping. And the more you hold him in, the more your hands become careless and he makes you bleed as your palms nearly cut at the sharpest, softest edges of his jaw. You’re cut up, down, and in between.

His tongue thrusts its way inside your mouth, savagely sucking away the transparent nectar that has just about begun to mingle. Fervor and tingling sensations shoot from up your spine and into your head and back down your chest as you moan at the heavy, wet sighs that come from his mouth. The spiraling of your energies is causing your noses to crash constantly.

Continuous, continuous crashing. He’s a type you want to fully devour simply because he’s too ambitious to just let you get on top of him. It’s a dog-eat-dog right now. Just this insistent, indecent sound of lipsmacking, him cramming his feelings in through the gaps when they allow, his scorching cheeks under your palms, and him crushing you with energy.

And Jaehyun hardly ever initiates kisses like this on his own. He’s often siding with soft, caressing kisses and daisy touches. So perhaps you do bring out the worst in him? Maybe you do mistake his gentleness for a lack of trust after all. Considering that your attitude during these arguments usually results in this pattern of kissing.

Still, you’d be pleased to learn just how much he likes them too. How much he enjoys a little dominance race for it only to get so disproportionate and borderline that, by the end, surprisingly, somehow both of you come out same. Just... you’d be surprised to know how much, at his worst, he wants to triumph through passive control but secretly needs more of those who confront and challenge this behavior in him. And that’s either soothing each other’s fire or adding more. And while neither of these are evidence of perfection, love also lacks perfection. So it’s why he’s constantly gatekeeping; it’s safer this way and more easier.

But here’s you—who constantly likes to demand these rawest gatekeeps out of him—that are his love, feelings, and vulnerability, and those are things that can be unnervingly frail and fracturable, so no wonder you terrify him.

Things that ought to be handled with care. Which leads you both to the issue of a lack of mutual trust. While your ingrained insecurity makes you not trust him because he’s not cooperating, his ingrained doubt that you can handle those things with care makes him not trust you. Ultimately, the situation stems from a case of miscommunicated love and belief, which allows uncertainty to creep in.

But with the way you fight him in this kiss—in all such kisses, in fact, it’s as if you’re installing faith that you mean to get to the bottom of him,

just as he’s doing the same to you, with the force with which he’s kissing you

But occasionally—sometimes it might be too late. Possibly too late if you don’t—

You moan, “Jaehyun,” hot, dazed, and frenzied, but trying to let him know it’s gotten so much as your hands stray from his stunning face and move to his chest in an attempt to push him. The kiss is but a bruising power struggle between you, with neither emerging victorious. It feels like a struggle for a final touch—your love on a battlefield. And the gore of it engulfs you as you’re drowning and sinking deeper.

It’s a kiss that isn’t like the ones either of you’d eventually forget. It’s a bite, greedy, and all too real. And it seems to he’s forgotten how to stop. It carries on and on until you find yourself submerged in his hands as he sinks you to the sofa with his grip on your waist.

At a sudden, violent fall, the couch gives way to a horrifying screech, and that’s about the only moment he pulls back for you both to catch a breath. In any case, you’re the most you’ve ever been under his possession—in his arms…

Yeah? And what about his waist… being strangled between your knees and in your mercy?

Right... Silence.

Sat-up Jaehyun is pressing up against yours and his hands are pulling you closer still. However, the loss of balance slightly gives you a tad bit of a domineering look since, from this position, you look down at him, which is what both of you are all about—a hot mess of a dynamic. Something unanalysable.

Opening your eyes to confront Jaehyun’s after what just happened is an obvious fright.

Certainly, it’d be yet another serial reminder that you’ve completed a full circle and are back at square one, failing yourself. But, as soon as you open your eyes, and you do open your eyes, all that helps give you the impression that now you two are coming in a full cycle is him and his dumbass dimples. Like, ‘Yes, We are so back!’

Yes… they’re very much sooo back. For someone who indeed makes it hard for you to make out if there’s velvet beneath all of that Rock or all rock under that velvety beauty, the majority of the time his dimples do blow away his cover. Their means is to say that he’s one tender being; more so, not everyone is blessed with dimples; this’s not to say that only special people have them, but it’s a fact of life. And he’s been entrusted to carry this gift, and he’s special, and you know this… and—is just—

That he’s made to contradict; it’s just a side quest of the whole scheme. His eyes seem to shimmer with a fleck of flame, one that feels inextinguishable but all the same kittenish and playful. Of course, you can expect him to get naughtier and act more roguish after a kiss like that. It’s as though someone has finally let him in like a cat through a door.

In case your heart wasn’t in a coma before, it is now.

There’s a faint rose on his cheeks, but what’s of explosive color are again his ears. Needless to say, you can also expect him not to want to address that, as it’s yet another cute, sinister way his body is designed to fail his mysterious self.

In the kiss, you were pretty much the worst enemy he has ever had, and now he’s back to being cute and wagging his tail around you. His angel-filled eyes and sinfully intoxicating, sweet lips effortlessly elicit a smile from you, which means he has overpowered your thirsty lips. Except now you do live along the coast surface of his exploited lips, even past them and inside, and that one fact is doing everything it’s supposed to do, turning you hot and bothered.

The kiss in itself has a strong, lingering aftertaste, just like his scent, and your fingers, nose, waist, and even your knees are the places where you can still feel him. Practically every area of your body has a throbbing pulse—one behind each ear, one on the left side of your neck, one on your right wrist, near veins, inner thighs, arch of your left foot, under your jaw... too many places… You feel like dying. Fuck…

It’s as though the kiss carried his potency, which now floats from neuron to neuron getting lost in your space until it’s drawn you into an empty corner; And you remain there, as sick in the head as you are for him, with your body being hotter than fire for him. You’re losing you again, piece by piece and second by second exactly the way he knew you would.

For a moment his lips slightly part as if he were going to speak, but he stays silent. You too. Even if you were able to form a thought, it’d be buried in your throat, making it impossible for you to say anything. Rather, you allow this corrupted sensuality to speak for itself as it transmits between your tied bodies.

Your hand trembles a little as you let your fingers approach his face. And when they do land, it’s like touching morning dew; he’s as light as a summer mist.

Feeling his skin, your eyes follow your fingers with precision as you take in every detail for the thousandth time, like a first time. His silken hair is in disharmony from the makeout so you go to fix that before moving your thumb along his brow to smooth out the mess there too. A plethora of bristly hairs, give or take, submit to your touch. And you look at them as though under a microscope, like a geek with a slight brow fetish, wishing to lick them. You’re obsessed with his eyebrows; if essence is everywhere, it’s also overwhelmingly there too.

But it’s true that you rather concentrate on anything tiny than give Jaehyun your undivided attention… All while he’s watching you and letting you do as you please. Though a heinous smirk does start to flicker across his lips, shifting from one corner to the other, and as soon as you finish adjusting his brow and perhaps are ready to proceed to something else, Jaehyun grabs your wrist, robbing you of your next action.

Bringing your hand lower, and adopting a much comfier, in truth, arrogant position by tilting his head back and resting it on the sofa, he separates your same ‘so generous thumb’, and slowly takes it inside his mouth.

Heyyyyyyyyyyy—No warning, no fucking not—

You hiss, ready with your “F-” to cuss but bite and swallow the rest of it. Way louder ‘Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!’ stay rippling in your head though, as he takes the finger deeper and deeper and his eyes and lips share the same smile, and

This m—

The man is too motherfucking happy to stop! That’s what it is. Causing you to frown and tie your brows fucking forever...

As he coats your thumb in wet, your mouth feels incredibly parched. With every successive push forward to pull you back again, his cheek muscles contract, tense, relax, and hollow out, sucking you in.

Your vision gradually goes haywire, like sugar that has just begun to boil from clear to burnt. With every sensual fluff of his lashes, your heart caramelizes to a deep, rich brown. Between every pull, spit slides, feeling slimy on your skin and sticking like candy. You’re all soft inside, melted and gooey.

Pleasure mounts, and your body is fighting an awful war to stay strong but really it’s giving in. You swear he can feel every nuance of this self-conflict, down to the smallest tingle with each wrap of his tongue round your thumb. All the way down to your pounding heart and bouncing thoughts; All the way—

If it’s of consequence, you know that there’s a hard mental play going on, but now aren’t even in the right frame of mind to consider how much of one.

Not when his other pair of digits slip beneath your shirt. Not when they trail down your spine like he’s trying to break it, pushing you into an arch. Not when—

You finally manage to drag out your finger from his mouth, sighing and pouting as you say, “J,” ready with something more to say but eventually it gets ripped off your head like anything else.

Is this beautiful aware of the number of heartbreaks he has caused you?

No—No, can’t! Can’t be thinking about th—you shove aside that thought also and start lowering onto his face and feel his arm wrap tightly around you just below your ribcage, arching you even more into him. Your shirt gets caught in the same way as a theater curtain riding up, exposing more of your skin and he’s the only one seated for the show. A private poetry.

His fingers graze each hollow space in your ribs, and the rest of the fabrics in between conceive a roughness that drives your skin into tears. The brain-twister is this: Are you tough and resistant, like the denim you wear?

Hmph, definitely not! That success you scripted, though, is over…

Motion generates friction; friction generates heat... your head is filled with smoke. There’s nothing you could possibly use in your head. All it’s made up there now is of abominable thoughts and smoke.

Clinging to his lips by only a few millimeters, you refuse him or yourself to let them come into contact still. Rather let yourself feel his breath on your face and get bruised up because of it. A pain of pleasuring in the company of pain. Yes, this is your self-inflicting prison. This prolonged, delayed intimacy, this sick turn-on... It’s just his rock falling into your heart again, like an ice cube that scuttles past grasping hands and obnoxiously skates into a whisky glass, making a splash out of you.

Regardless of how crazy or subdued the evening gets, it’s all fucked eventually. It’s fucking messy. However, that’s just the way life is—he’s the only one who has ever told you, ‘It’s okay to be messy, baby… I’m on your side.’

Fucking irony…

Dimly lit, the room is a depressing sight. Little red wine specks cover the couch, appearing to have fallen apart like the holes in some of his shirts. A silver zippo next to an empty ashtray that’s always left with just dust in it. Smudges stain the coffee table, and a pool of melancholy is created at the base of the candle, marking another stain as wax oozes and seeps down the sides. Its honeysuckle scent is so invasive, spreading like a disease in slow motion.

You’re worn down completely and irrevocably. Throwing your head back, a sigh rips from the pit of your stomach. The sound of your ribs snapping in half is like the cozy crackling sound of his record player, taking you back to the vinyl he played for you two weeks ago.

Warm. Pressing at the dip where your collarbones meet, his moist lips feel warm against your skin. And he’s taking his time this time around; his tongue is tamed along your collar line, if not overly lazy. It clings fragilely to your throat, choking you until breathing starts to feel more like a chore than a necessity—until you’re drowning from the carbon dioxide that’s swimming in your veins.

You pull away for a second just to sail back into the black oily sea of his eyes, saving the sight for later in the week when it’s going to get tough. You both secretly tie to stave off the night for as long as possible but time is a human construct and will spill its numbers on the floor.

Petty, his fingernails dig into your waist on each side, and the tiny, pointy scrapes that pierce your flesh, accidentally trigger your inner underdog.

Mad! You’re not just mad, you’re furious. Angry at having to let him go. Selfish to lose him. You been knew… But, dear god, how are you to do you without him? How are you to subsist without measuring the cosmos in his hands every night before going to bed? And how are you to wake up without his warmth next to you every morning? Or rather that was the idea of you two(?) A dream you’ve constructed…

You seem pretty sincere in your uncertainty about what lies ahead for the two of you in the long run. What’s worse, you’re aggressive with it, agressive in your once again glossy eyes and directing them at him to harm him emotionally, physically... psychologically. Then again Jaehyun is repressing his anger internally and handling it as usual. Will deal with it later. He’s so polite with it. Elegant. Or as much as the circumstances permit.

Lightning strikes lightning again, and your entire body starts to tremble as if you’re under a high tide that the ocean has saved for this exact moment. This power he has over you... you call it love. One day, you’ll blink and he’ll be back. And you’ll be sure to wait for that day just like a moon in the sky that waits for nightfall. Is that foolish? It doesn’t concern you because nothing’s fair in love and war anyway. You loved him then, you love him now and you’ll love him forever. But the fact you have to store such lightning in a jar right now is a load of crap.

You dig your finger into his cheeks and lift his jaw in force, causing a slight twitch in your wrist that soon becomes a boiling fit of lust. With a tight jaw and a raised voice, you ask, “What next!!?”

A receipt, please!?

-Double entendres.

A fleet of insinuations.

What’s next for you two? Where are you headed? But truthfully… For rea—

Smiling lazily in your palm, Jaehyun rolls his lower lip in confidence, and then, all of a sudden, you’re holding bread with scrumptious, detailed dips on both sides.

Feeling a sense of accomplishment in advance of what he’s going to say, his eyes remain fixed on you as he hooks his fingers into the black hair tie that’s been lonesomely hanging around your wrist all this time. Your hand is then gradually forced away from his face so he can take it as he yanks sensually and slowly at it. Dark, luscious flirtation loads every agonizing drag. There’s a crazy calm in his eyes.

‘What’s next?’

The timbre in his voice is enough to smoke you.

Smirking, “Anything I want.”

A silencer that makes a whisper of the gunshot. A gun which no hunter has it at all… Yeah, there’s not a gun whose sound sounds kind, but there is—

his voice, he

Your face goes momentarily expressionless, and your nostrils flare at the comment. Not only do you not believe what you’re hearing, but you find him puzzling to the point of offense. You give a mild shake, press your lips to your nose in annoyance, and reach over the left side of the couch to retrieve the ‘Hysteric’ cap he tossed earlier, intending to really smack it of his face.

But when you do swing it, blurting, “Sometimes, I hate both of us,” Jaehyun lets out an adorable laugh and clutching your wrist in time.

Warming your cheeks, the sun shines straight in your face. His laugh is everything good in this world. In his puffy-eyed smile, comfort springs eternally, much like light. This man alone starts spring.

He teasingly remarks, “Sometimes…” meaning… not alw—

His hands reach over your shoulders and he pulls you in again, gathering your hair at the back for ‘no other’ reason than to use that hair tie...

In the newly created intimacy, his eyes dart over every feature of your face as if he’s soaking it all in like the last golden hours of summer, and in gratitude, his smile gently strokes over each of these details with attractive happiness. He’s a generous artist, and you know this too… Is just—

Quickly, your noses start to collide with every failed attempt he makes to deal with the hair because the more he tries, the more he—

Lip-cuts over cheeks and incessant whines of ‘I can do it. No, you— I can!’s muffled behind ears like long-kept secrets.

“Just give up,” you smile.

“Nuh-uh…” he fights as he tries and tries, “I can’t,” and sporting a damped smile in the bends of your neck.

To get you where he wants you, every one of his failed ‘hair tie’ attempts is the most phony innocence ever imagined. His lips leave a trail of light, giggly kisses along the ridge of your shoulder, compelling your own hands to work their way up his shoulders, into his nape, and then into his hair.

Eventually, his hands become less firm and give up, causing his fingers to thread down your hair, yet he still assures you, “Mmmmh… I can do it...

… For real, though.”

It aches the way he does that! His low voice whispers… Marking you for disaster. A feral panic. The urges his voice alone has conjured up in you long to break free.

Tracing his eyes connect the dots between your goosebumps, your eyes, and your brain, strips you of your body. He’s touching every nerve ending, every inch, and every brainwave. Intimacy is a weird state to be in—too much of it and it ruthlessly takes out everything but the moment.

The calmness that follows an anxious fury.

The holy restoration of what remains untainted.

You are connected—you and him. Now. Just now, in the history of time itself...

And if you’re going to kiss him next, it has to unpeel. It needs to undress. It has to lay bare every feeling he fears and strip any hard shell he wears. It has to burn from muscle to bone. A tongue that maps out any doubt, lets it stick to it, and then crushes it under its weight. Exhaust every bad memory. Even so powerful to kill every terrible remembrance. His defenses have to go. They could crawl beneath the sofa and hide there like defeated demons.

Sure, art is hiding behind one pretense or another, but surely it can’t be for all times?

Hidden feelings, like hidden things, can’t stay hidden, for finding them is where all the whole beauty lies.

You know Jaehyun loves watching you watch him. But sometimes, that’s really difficult.

You’re at your last grasp for air but still manage to do that; reaching through your hair to his still-tangled hand, you bring it to your lips and gently plant a long kiss on the veiny outer palm.

The unusualness of it; your eyes on his; your mouth there lingering...

Although Jaehyun’s expression suggests it’s something he didn’t expect, it’d be mild to say he’s shocked. When he doesn’t smile for the first time, you want to smile because you find the confusion in his running, empathetic eyes adorable.

It came with no warning. He had no idea it’d tingle and rush to his center as it does.

Feeling with your other hand on his chest, the ‘silent word of truth’ races his heartbeat.

Let’s stop the complications. Let’s do that...

No more wrong, no more selfish, no more too stubborn to keep it a secret…

Let’s

You’re left stroking the space between his thumb and index finger, and in your eyes, this far into the night, your love is the only act of violence. The way he actually robs you of yourself should be studied. Your ‘whole purpose of earlier’ seems to be being yanked out of you and placed neatly in the ‘For later’ compartment.

Jaehyun’s looking at you, aroused in the right place, your head—The smoke’s not cleared, and guess what—he loves to go there,

… But perhaps you have your own sneaky way of doing the same…

After the hand kiss, his eyes are narrow... wary, like when he can’t read something from a distance. As if he’s in a slump. Spacing out… Comprehending… Perhaps he’s too late to realize...

To help him ‘see’ better, you brush the strands out of his way. Along with the way you subtly rip the corner of your lip, it makes it sound a little shady when you softly ask, “What is it?”

He smiles shyly as he says, “Coome oon,” dragging the word a little and even breaking eye contact, looking downward.

Huh, what is it? Is his shirt print suddenly so interesting!??

Just like he won’t sometimes, you won’t elaborate now either. Not saying anything, the time has come when you get to raise an eyebrow. Getting back his attention, you run a finger down his shirt, feeling the fabric give away to some hard, toned abs. They serve him nothing now...

He’s visibly altered, something you can clearly fucking see.

‘What is it?’ —

The question hangs over him, forcing a deep, deep breath out of him. He then takes hold of your face. His fingertips tap firmly, like an anchor to the sea, landing the skin behind your ear. You can’t be moved by anything other than him. Just-

him.

Flowers sprout from his palm immediately. Their vines snake their way up your legs. And those sweet notes in his voice!?

Nothing quite compares...

“I know you know...”

“Know what… Yun-o?”

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widowmura · 6 months ago

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My speedpaint contribution to #mermay with some Bloodweave. Featuring merman Gale and Deep Sea Leviathan Astarion. Each of these pics took under or just over an hour to do. I'll probably redesign / redraw Deep Sea Leviathan at a later stage. Some lore to go along with them: When Gale boards the small vessel barely enough to fit a crew of six, Mystra reassures him that mermaids are not to be feared. He's read of them of course. Alluring, feminine; specimens of beauty and wonder. But dangerous. Enough that should you see the shimmer of their scales in the water, you should avert your eyes immediately and to not let them fool you into thinking their scales are in fact precious gems, just barely out of reach. That when their siren song calls, you ensure your ears are stuffed with enough cotton and you keep away from the drink to retain your sanity.

So when he finds himself and their glorified canoe out in the stretch of the deep sea, fading into an endless nothingness, his mind can't help but wander. What else is hiding in the depths? Mystra doesn't let him find out. When something unfathomably large and dark stirs a wake large enough to rock their ship, the woman shoves him overboard. It turns out the fairytales were exactly that; tales, but the reality is so much worse.

Cast into the depths as a sacrifice for safe passage, Gale cannot help but flounder. He'd never learned to swim despite living in a place called Waterdeep. The irony isn't lost on him as he sinks, down and down like a stone, straining into an eternity of blue as his lungs fill with water and dread. But he isn't empty-handed. The artefact he'd stolen from that gods forsaken cursed fortress was still with him, and with no other choice except to reach for desperation, he plunges it within his chest, hoping, praying for a lifeline.

Aka mermaids are propaganda tales used by sailors. Mermaids are in fact hideously large monstrous creatures, leviathans in their own right that trade safe voyage for flesh whose existence is kept quiet. Gale ends up using the orb and manages to somehow turn himself into a false merman to escape the pursuit of such a creature, who instead of choosing to consume him, keeps him as an oddity of his own. The fact they both glow amuses the monster. Astarion lures ships and takes sacrifices to his master, The Great Old One of the Depths - Cazador. Meeting Gale, which at first turns out to just be a bigger fish tormenting a smaller fish story turns into something more when Gale helps to undo the pact keeping Astarion bound to the Old God. Astarion's design is based off a deep sea angler fish for the luring / lives in the dark aspect and a Dunkleosteus which is a prehistoric fish with boney plating for making him seem ancient / old in appearance.

#bloodweave #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #mermay #mermay 2024 #speedpaint

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compressingsins · 6 months ago

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|| Deceiving Intentions

Yandere Nanami x chubby animal hybrid f!reader

Warnings : Obssesion, partially forced relationships, slight manipulation, multiple orgasms, dacryphilia, aggressive Nanami, reader goes into her first heat, slight physical contact, overprotective Nanami, Nanami is a little mean for a while, overstimulation. This is a smutty fic, MDNI.

"I've loved you for so long, okay? When I had the luck of being awarded for you at that place, it felt as if I was saving you. And ever since, I've wanted you to love me just as much as I love you. Do not question my love, I will always love you. It wasn't just the sex talking, I'm in love with you."

Hi guys! Here's another post, and I really enjoyed how this one turned out. Hopefully you all enjoy it too, because it was very fun to write!

Please do not copy or rewrite my works without my permission. 🫥

Life felt almost too unreal. You lived in a world where your kind were treated like nothing, just like the historical books you would read. The things you could do in life were limited, and your kind was scared of this forsaken world. People bought your kind, sold your kind, traded your kind for better versions of you. If you were bought, you'd either be a full time house cleaner with no payment, pretty much a slave to the person who purchased you.

That's why you were thankful to have grown ups in this village. A sanctuary where your kind resides. Human hybrids in every different shapes and sizes, living life freely amongst each other. Here, nothing could harm you in any kind of way. Plus, no human dared to come from the big cities just to mess with you all. There were fully bred hybrids, which were hybrids with all the human stature but everything else was an animal, a creature of some kind.

It was normal to you because well, you are one of them. Except, you're the extremely rare kind. You're a dog hybrid, but you didn't have all the aspects. You only had a set of fluffy ears and a dog like tail that could easily be hidden. Which is why it was so easy for you to get in and out the city. You could wear pants to hide the fact that you have a tail, and a hat or hood to hide your prestige ears. You had ears a top your head, and the set of normal human ears on the sides of your head.

That's how you knew about the historical events of slavery. You're able to hide your animal features and go into library's to read books that recorded the past. Even in the books, your kind was around long ago and treated the exact same way. Not only that, but most slaves were your color as well, brown beautiful skin that glistened in the sunlight. You didn't know why humans hated your kind so much, but you weren't going to risk having the conversation.

Slavery to brown skin people was long gone so that's something you didn't have to worry about, but slavery to human hybrids was still very much alive. You would think being the year 2020 that all slavery was dead, but the government just can't help but be afraid of your kind from not only looks, but because they think life wouldn't be civilized with you all in it. They think you all couldn't hold up to their expectations, because you have animal in you.

They fear you all could go feral and use those instincts on humans and that may be true, but you know that instincts are in every breathing creature that walks this earth. So you didn't think that'd be a problem, but that's not for you to decide. Everything in your village, however, was perfect. You lived like anyone who was civilized would, having breakfast, sometimes lunch, and then dinner. You did everything like a human would do.

As far as you were concerned, your life was perfect. Your people were great at crafting, so all the buildings that you resided in were built with hardly any tools. You had brick walls, metal walls, living modernity and it was all because your people knew the way to do so. Your people even had paint, so the buildings and house were all different colors. Plus, you had clothing stores, but you all had no money. Your people hunt in exchange for clothes, furniture, utensils, and more.

And what made it more fun was that it was just activities that you all loved, hunting, fishing, and so much more. After all, you had animal in you, so hunting was just in your nature. You decided that you would go into the city today, Sendai City. Your tribe was very discreet about its location, so trying to find it was hard for most people. You always made sure to cover your tracks when you leave, so that's what you did.

It was early in the morning, maybe around eight o'clock in the morning you would say. So you had so much time to enjoy the day. You made sure to have on pants that held your tail down, and a hat a top your head to cover your ears. You were ready to go into the world of the humans, to see what new things they had to offer today.

...

September 12th, 2020 - 8:42 a.m.

It was the middle of autumn, here you were in the city now seeing normal people obliviously walking around you. They couldn't even tell that you were a human hybrid, but that wasn't for them to know. Everything was going great, the cool wind in the air accompanied by the beautiful sounds of birds chirping. You never knew that the world of humans could look so peaceful when they weren't worrying about your kind.

The only thing you really wanted to see is the new aquarium that you've heard about in the newspapers that you sometimes read, when you're visiting here.

There were so many things to see here, but you didn't want to stay too long because your tribe would be wondering about you all day long. So you just decided that you would ask someone for directions to the aquarium. There were lots of people, but you decided that you'd rather ask a woman. There was a woman with brown hair, next to a kid who had pink hair and also a guy with black spiky hair. They were arguing, but you decided that you would approach them carefully.

First you cleared your throat, "Um, excuse me? Hello?"

The woman with the brown hair turned to you, with a slightly irritated look on her face. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Do you know where the new aquarium is? I don't recall its name, but I just know it's an aquarium that was recently opened." She looked at you and nodded like a light clicked in her head. "Oh you do? Do you mind giving me directions there, if it's not a problem?"

"Nah, it's no problem. So first," She started as she stood close beside you, pointing straight ahead of you, "It's really not too fair, just a couple blocks down the street that way. And then you're gonna take a left."

You smiled and thanked her, "I appreciate your help—uhhhh?"

"Nobora. And that's Yuji and Megumi. We'd join ya, but we're on our way to see our sensei for training."

"Oh, it's fine I'm only gonna be there for about 20 minutes and that's it." You didn't have a lot of time so you just went ahead and started to be on your way, "Sorry to rush off, but I gotta go! Maybe I'll see you guys again!"

The woman formerly known as Nobora waved back at you, watching you jog to the aquarium you were previously talking about. It didn't take you long to get there, however, so here it was. You were standing in front of the aquarium, but you decided not to go in. Why, well there was a sign to the left of the entrance.

"Everyone should be able to enjoy the aquarium, right? That's why we have a window view of our aquatic creatures, come check them out for FREE!"

You were excited, running to the left of the aquarium to see this ginormous window displaying each and every animal in there. There were dolphins, seals, whales, crocodiles and more! You carried a journey with you everywhere, so you pulled it out and started writing about everything you saw. Every fish, amphibian, reptile and more. You've never been so excited in your life, smiling from ear to ear.

You even sketched how the animals looked that way when you get home, you can ask all your elders about them. You know they have stories so you couldn't wait to ask them about 'em. Closing your journal, you decided that it was time to head back home. You smiled at the animals once more before turning to leave. It was still the morning time so you weren't worried, you know you weren't gone that long. You had a peaceful walk back home, until you heard screaming in the distance.

You knew exactly where it was coming from, so you decided to run as fast as you could. "Shit, oh no!" You couldn't think of how this happened so quickly, you were only gone in the matter of thirty minutes. As you approached your village, you saw how there were masked men attacking your people, not killing them but injuring them. You knew it wouldn't be smart to try and fight people who were wielding swords. You sat in a bush behind a tree, shaking.

It hurt you to see your people getting slaughtered in broad daylight. You knew what this was though, another raid but you just couldn't tell by who. They weren't very apparent about who they were, since they were wearing all black outfits. You held your breath, hoping that they didn't get into the underground sanctuary that you guys previously made due to raids. It was underground in one of the houses, hidden very well. It was agreed that the wine and children were to go in there and the men stay out and defend their honor, if a raid happens.

You couldn't spot any women or children so you guess they were safe. You continued observing everything, watching your people fight their hardest but still falling. You could see that this was another "taken," that y'all called it. It was when your people would get taken back to the city in shackles, to get auctioned off to rich men and women. They took more hybrid men than women due to the nature of believing a man is superior to a woman.

Blood was no longer being shed, all you could hear was the people chattering and your people groaning from pain. You could hear them saying that the buildings were clear, and that there were fifteen men who were in shackles at the moment. That meant some of the men were down there protecting the women and children. You signed of slight relief, but still you dreaded when these raids to place. You were relieved until—

"Unless you want those ears to be cut clean off your head, you better not move, abomination." A sword was on your shoulder, threatening to slice you up. You gulped harshly, feeling a bead of sweat rolling down your temple. "Turn around slowly, or I'll kill you right here." You did just that, showing this person you weren't a threat. You could tell by the voice that it was a man. "Oh—what do we have here? You're one of those rare hybrids, I see. Shit." You saw how he rubbed his crotch, indicating something you didn't want to think about. "There's no one around. Wanna be a good girl and bend over for me? You're so chunky and plump. I wonder how well that ass will take me in doggy."

Your entire body shuddered from fear. He tugged on his trousers until he pulled them under his underwear, showing you how hard he was.

"Hey! Leave that damn hybrid alone, we're only doing this for a paycheck, not lawsuits. It would be rape, and that's not what the fuck we're here for you asshole." You were literally sighing of relief when this person came to save you, and you could tell it was a woman. She pushed him and made him stumble, "Get back to the group and gather up the hybrids. We're going back to the city to auction them off, understood?"

The man walked away grumbling under his breath, sounding like he was cursing her for not letting him act on what he was planning to do. She gave her hand to you, helping you stand and sheathing her sword. "Look, if it wasn't my job I would let you go. But I have a family, so you have to come with me, okay? Just cooperate and—everything will be fine I hope. Here, just put your hands behind your back..."

You weren't going to fight against her, so you just followed along. She shackled your arms together, before walking you towards the rest of the group. There was some kind of large vehicle parked a distance away from your village, enough to fit a lot of people inside it which you assumed your people was already in there. And you were right, the woman escorted you to the vehicle and pushed you gently inside, you just took a seat beside one of your people. They all looked at you in disbelief, knowing they couldn't believe you got caught. But no one dared to say anything.

And neither did you.

...

9:37 a.m. - Auction

You couldn't believe you were here, getting bidding on alongside your family. They were being bought pretty rapidly, and mostly by women. You were the last one, now, standing there listening to the auction man talk about you like a prize winning bull.

"Ah, yes, the rare hybrid. Look at her, isn't she beautiful?" He spoke about you like you weren't even there. You saw how all the men lit up like flames in a pit fire, betting high on you. "She's gorgeous. Men, she could clean your entire house, cook you dinner, hehe—if you tame her right!" They shared a laugh with the man, staring at you like vile beasts. "I guess we can start the bid at 10,000 dollars, yeah?" Everyone agreed, and you hated that. This was disgusting, it made you physically sick to your stomach but you held it in. "Come on, who wants her? She could even get your wick wet if your wife ain't cutting it, am I right fellas?!"

You wished you could fight, but there was nothing that you could physically do. Your arms were tied behind your back, so your only option was to stand there without saying a thing. Then the numbers started flying out of their mouths. There were— 20,000 , 30,000 , 40,000 , 50,000 , 60,000 , 70,000's and more! The last number was 100,000, which was just outrageous.

"100,000 going once, going twice, and so—"

"500,000 dollars."

Not only did your eyes go wide, everyone audibly gasped aloud and turned to see a tall man with blonde hair, shades on, and a stylish suit. He was staring you down, like he's been eyeing you for some time now. "Woah, that's the biggest bid we've EVER had! 500,000 going once, going twice, and sold to the tall blonde man!" Everyone clapped as he won, like he was winning a prized possession, but you however was just filled with defeat.

He walked towards you, completely towering over you which frightened you quite a bit. He stared down at you from above, before grabbing a hold of your bicep. Your entire world just felt like it came crashing down, all sounds and voices being almost non existent. All you could see was your feet walking until you reached another vehicle, this was really real. You never thought you would be in this situation, but you guessed it didn't feel real until it actually had happened to you. The man pushed you inside and closed the door after you. He then went to the other side and closed it behind him.

The sound of an engine is what made you look up. The ride was quiet, he didn't say anything and didn't acknowledge you at all. It's like you weren't even there. Out of no where, it began to rain, and that was the only sound that was heard on the inside and outside of the vehicle. You were still shackled, hands tied together in an uncomfortable way behind your back. You didn't know how long the ride was, only that it didn't take you long to get to the destination he had set for you two.

You saw a house that was in a secluded area. It was a pretty decent size, medium and cozy looking. He pulled his vehicle into a pathway that was made of what looked like to be concrete. You were familiar with a bit of human creations, so you knew that it was concrete. But that wasn't important, the man turned off his vehicle, and stepped outside of it. The rain had died down but was still very apparent. He walked over to your side and opened the door for you. He grabbed your arm gently and pulled you out, closing the door behind you and locking it. That's when he pulled you with him to walk up to his home, you were assuming it was his at least.

He let your arm go momentarily as you two stood before the door, digging in his pocket to pull something out. It looked like a set of keys that he fiddled with until he found the right one that was able to fit into the keyhole. He turned it and pushed the door open, pulling you inside then closing and locking the door behind you both. He let your arm go and walked away, only to turn on a light before he came back to you. He stood before you, observing everything about you with an unreadable look.

He had another key in his hand, "Hands." He said, watching as you slowly and hesitantly lifted them up. He grasped the shackles and put the key in, turning it which opened and dropped to the floor. Your hands were free, you were happy he released you but you were still afraid of him. "Nanami." He saw how your head tilted in curiosity, "My name. What's yours? You talk?"

You nodded and answered, "My name is ____."

"Hm." He grumbled, sounding like he was bitter for some reason. "Follow me." And you did just that. He was walking around, "This is my home." He told you, showing you around the place, showing you every room his house consists of. "This is your room. You live here now, with me. Your room has a restroom so if you need to use it, feel free." You hated the words, "You live here now," because you wanted to go to your home. His home was lovely, but you didn't feel comfortable here.

He saw how your dog ears drooped from sadness, but he didn't say anything. "Come on, let's go get you something to eat." You didn't muster a word, just followed him as he walked to what seemed to be his kitchen. "I will cook you something, take a seat." You did just that, sitting down and just staring down at the table before you. "How old are you?" He asked.

"22 in human years."

"Your kind uses dog and human years, too?" You just nodded, which he solely said, "Interesting." It was silent for a while, the only sound being from the equipment he was cooking with. You didn't know what he was making, but it smelt delicious. You wanted to ask him questions—so you did.

"Why did you buy me? And for so much money? Why do you humans do this to us? We should have equal rights just like you!"

He didn't seem phased by your outburst, he just kept cooking. But he cleared his throat first before coming to sit before you. He decided to take off his suit jacket, tie, and glasses. "I live in a home where I get lonely, no companionship from anyone. So before I die from the loneliness of depression, I was suggested something new. To buy a hybrid at an auction event."

"But why me specifically?!"

"Hm, that's quite easy. You're a rare hybrid. You have human in your dna, meaning that it'll feel normal living with you. It'll just be like I have a roommate. The walls of this home will be more live than before, and that's what I've been looking for." He was giving very stoic and unpleasant answers to you. "Secondly, I can't even tell you why humans do this to your kind. But nowadays, they're trying to make it mandatory that everyone has a hybrid to help around the house, become pretty much servants to a master."

It's crazy that everything just gets more and more worse for your people with each passing day. "So what, you bought me because it's the law? That you're supposed to have one of us?!"

He shrugged, "Maybe that, and because I have sympathy for your people." That took you a back, and he could physically see that. "I've come across hybrids before, never have I once felt threatened by one. But my voice alone won't change where the government stands with your race. And I'm not the only one who thinks that. There's a lot like me who wouldn't mind if you lived amongst us, but we have barely any say in the matter."

You stared bug eyed at him, listening to him speak about you in a way that wasn't bad which was a first. He stood up and went back to his cooking equipment.

"I have some students who want your race free so desperately but as I've stated before, our voices do not matter." Nanami continued cooking, neither of you speaking for the time being until he said something weird— "You're very beautiful. May I ask you how do your kind feel about a human mate?"

Was that what he wanted?

A hybrid companion?

Really..?

You were hesitant before speaking, "I—well honestly, I've never heard my people speak about that. I guess it's okay since some of us like myself have human in my dna. I'm guessing it comes with a great deal of trust."

"That's good to know."

That was all he said before going back to cooking. He was putting the food on plates, it looked like, and you couldn't help but feel your tail start wagging from how hungry you actually were. He heard it thudding as it swung back and forth against the chair you were sitting in.

"Hungry, I see. Here." He placed a lot full of food before you. You had an extravagant nose, so you could tell that it wasn't chicken, but duck with mashed potatoes, some kind of pasta, and a drink you've never seen before. He watched how you sniffed it like a dog would, placing his own plate in front of his spot so he could eat too. He handed you something, it was silver with an oval like end. "This is a spoon. You use it on your mashed potatoes and pasta. Like this."

He demonstrated, by grasping his own spoon and scooping up his food, placing it to his lips and eating it delicately. You looked down at your spoon and then your food, and tried to do the same thing but failed. You were holding it in an improper way, which made him cough up a small chuckle before standing. "First, you place it under your thumb and let it rest on top of your index finger. Then get a good grip on it so you're able to successfully eat your food without making it fall everywhere. Try it."

You did it and got the hang of it perfectly, wearing your food without your bare hands. Back in your village, that's how you ate, with your bare hands and no kind of utensils to assist you. The food was delicious, you had no shame to dig in once you got comfortable with eating it. He just sat back in his spot and began eating too, being very careful not to spill anything on himself and occasionally taking glances at you. He couldn't help it, you were godly.

So beautiful, so innocent. He knows that if you're part animal, that must meant you had all kinds of similarities to an animal. Like—heat. It intrigued him to know if you did or not, but he was certain you did. He wanted you from the time he saw you at the auction. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it wasn't, but your brown skin was so beautiful. Not only that, but your thick thighs were breathtakingly gorgeous. He saw how you looked when you stood up, and your stomach was so beautifully round that he wondered how it would feel for him to caress it while making beautiful love to you.

You were thick everywhere and he loved it. He just wondered if you were experienced in the areas of sex. Even so, he was already obsessed with you and didn't want anyone or anything coming near you. You were too perfect, too innocent for this world. He just met you but he felt as if you've been with him all of his life and now, he didn't want to let you be with anyone but him. "You know, ____, I have lots of questions for you but right now, I cannot stay very long. After we eat, you will head to your room. Then, I shall leave for the majority of the day but I will be back."

You heard him but you were still digging in on your food so that's what you were focused on. It wasn't long before you were done, and he finished his food right after you. He stood up and grabbed both plates, throwing the scraps in a bin and placing the plates into water on some kind of counter. There was a mechanism that leaked water once he pulled some kind of lever. He let the plates sit in the water before grabbing some kind of cloth and wetting it. He walked over to you and placed a hand softly on your head, lifting it back and wiping around your mouth, cleaning you up.

"Now come, you're going to your room." You couldn't believe how gentle he was, but you weren't complaining because it made you less afraid. He even held onto your hand and walked you down to your room. You both walked inside as he pointed towards the bed for you to sit which you did. He kneeled down beside you and picked something up off the floor, and showed it to you. "This is a collar. When I'm not here, you're not allowed to leave this room, understand?"

You just nodded at him which made him softly smile. He stood up and walked over to something that looked like it was storage of some sort. On top was some kind of device. "This here is a television. It's for entertainment purposes, therefore, I'm going to leave this on for you, every time I leave, okay? What would you like to watch?"

You didn't know, though. So you shrugged and asked him, "What kind of entertainment does this offer?"

"Lots of entertainment. There's these programs called tv channels and genres of entertainment. From romance, to comedy, to action, adventure, nature, and science fiction. Out of those, did any of them catch your attention?"

You thought for a minute before nodding, "I've always been interested in nature. Can—can you please put on a nature channel?" He nodded and did just that. The channel was literally called nature and it was documenting all kinds of animals.

"This will be on the entire time I'm gone, okay? I'll be back later." He walked over to the door and left, closing it gently and walking away. His footsteps became less and less heard until there was nothing but the television being heard. You didn't know why, but everything here felt so comfortable. It was warm in the room, your tail was wagging, and a small content smile was spread on your face. You didn't know if you liked being here or if it was just the little moments you just shared with Nanami.

The television show was talking about all kinds of animals, lions, tigers, giraffes, monkeys, so many. Since you were in the walls of your village all of your life, you didn't really get to explore the beauty's of nature until now. It enlightened excitement in you. You decided that you would give the bed a try, lifting the thick coverings and getting underneath them. It was weird because at home, your beds weren't like this. You had coverings, but the bed wasn't held up by a structure like this. It held your weight too, and that amazed you.

But what amazed you more was the television channel you were watching. "That's a big cat, wow!" You were ever so content, having a feeling of bliss from how nice this was. You wondered now. Did your family who were captured get to live like this? Or were the stories of them being servants to humans true? You guessed it could go either way, depending on if they feel the same way that Nanami does or not. You were, however, hoping that your family was safe though, especially the other women and children.

Your mind is flooded with so much. Too many things happened in such a short amount of time, so you were wondering what time it was. You didn't know why that was the only question you were wondering, but it was. It felt like the time was going by quickly rather than slowly, but you didn't know whether you should complain or not. This man took you in and fed you, gave you a bed to sleep in, so you were kind of happy for the time being.

This was either a good thing or a bad thing, but you knew it was smart to still be cautious of him once he returns home. You're not saying he's a bad man but with your history of humans, you just don't know if you could completely trust him.

Only time would tell, though. You just hoped he wouldn't change and become just as bad as the people he was speaking on.

November 15th, 2020 - 7:41 p.m.

It's your third month living with Nanami, and you could only think how much better things have gotten for you. He treated you like a princess, caring for you and spending nights with you when he was able to. You have noticed how he was trying to get closer to you, asking you questions like, "Do you see me as a potential mate?" or saying things like, "You're so beautiful, ____. I sometimes wonder how you don't have a mate." You honestly weren't interested, though.

And he knew that...

But it didn't stop him from trying. He knew the way he was treating you was just distracting you from the fact that he purchased you three months ago. He knew that with the right words and actions, you'd start to realize that this was better for you. He fed you manipulating words, saying how this is where you belong, safe and sound with him. He thinks you need him, that without him, you wouldn't be able to survive. Even though before him, you managed life without him oh so perfectly.

He knew so much about you, now too. He now knew that you had a heat cycle. That it was coming very soon. He didn't care what it took, but he was going to help you with it. He calculated it all but he knew that since you were part dog, that your heat starts around every 3-4 months. Either you were in it right now, or you're going to go into it pretty soon. That's why he's been keeping an eye on you, making sure you don't need him in such an intimate way.

All he knew was that he didn't have to wait long. Maybe not even another day or two, and that enlightened him. You were in your bedroom, sleeping soundlessly as he walked around your home, cleaning everything up. He was dressed for the night, wearing just a tank top and pajama pants, ready to turn in when he was done with everything. Every time he was home with you after dark, he left your door cracked so he could monitor you. And as he passed by your door, he could see you kicking in your sleep, whining like you were having a nightmare.

Slowly, Nanami approached your door, peeping inside to see how your skin glistened from how badly you were sweating. Nanami pulled the door open softly, careful not to make too much noise as he entered. He walked cautiously towards you, going to the left side of the bed where you were facing. He hated the distress over your expression, but you looked so breathtaking as your body shivered. He knew what was happening. It wasn't a nightmare nor a night sweat, your heat had started in your sleep.

"I'll be damned." He muttered under his breath. He could feel how his dick sprung to life from the sight. You looked so beautiful, your smooth brown skin glistening from the moonlit sky. "____. Are you awake?" By the way you softly snored, Nanami could tell that you were asleep still, but he just couldn't contain himself anymore. He slowly pressed one knee on your bed, trying to softly get on top of it. The movement from him caused you to stir, making you turn over onto your back, facing away from your previous direction.

He straddled your stomach, looking down on you in the most admirable way. Nanami leaned closely to your face, turning it to face him so he could softly caress your warm cheek. "So beautiful..." He whispered, just before he hesitantly leaned closer to your lips, kissing you gently and slowly. He was getting feral, feeling how his heavy dick weighed down and layed against your belly. He grounded his hips against yours, kissing you even deeper than before. His tongue worked its way with invading your delicious lips.

The urge to just fuck you was derailing his mind, his thoughts practically screaming at him to just rearrange your insides. But he's a gentleman, he didn't want to deflower you... he knew you were a virgin. He found that out with some—investigating he did while you were asleep. Nanami was losing his breath and he could tell by the way your face was turning red, that you were too. He pulled away, seeing how much of your shared saliva he got all over your mouth and his own. Licking his lips, Nanami held his body up above you, his hands firmly planted on both sides of your head.

You looked so sweet, so innocent, so venerable.

He just couldn't harm you.

He just decided that he would wake you up.

"____, darling. Please wake up." But you still didn't flinch, so he decided that he would nudge your shoulder. Pushing against it to wake you up. He smiled seeing your eyes flicker open, "____."

Confusion was what he expected, your eyes being wide open from not only seeing how close he was, but from feeling how close you were. "N—Nanami? What are you doing?" You could feel him pressing against your heated clitoris, throbbing harshly and hotly against you.

"I know you're in heat. I would love to help you with that, if you would allow me."

You didn't realize it straight away—but this is the first time you've ever been scared of Nanami. The reason being was that he was invading your VERY personal space, you being asleep and he was all on top of you. "Why didn't you just ask me about it? I can't—I just don't know what to think now."

"I know you're afraid, but I just couldn't help it. I didn't do more than this, if that's what you think, darling. I respect you too much to do that to you."

You were silent, your eyes looking away from him trying to distract yourself from the hard cock that was throbbing against your covered heated clitoris. You knew you were in heat, but you didn't want to tell him about it because you didn't know how he'd react. Yes, he has been asking you very intimate questions about your body, but you thought it was just for the fact that he was interested in your kind.

You felt a warm gentle hand grasp your face, turning your head to face him in an oh so soft way. You could see the adoration in his eyes, he didn't want to hurt you. He was in love with you, the way his pupils dilated from just looking at you and thinking about what you wanted. He wasn't acting on anything else until you said something. But since you weren't speaking, he spoke up first to grab your attention.

"____, I'm very sorry for barging into your personal space without your consent. I just couldn't stand to see my baby having a hard time, with no help." He adored you in every way, you could tell by the way he would slowly observe your entire face, slightly licking his lips as he wondered how he got so lucky. "I won't do anything you wouldn't want to do, okay? So if you want me to leave then I'll—"

He was preparing himself to get off of you, but you didn't let him, grabbing him by his forearms and shouting, "Wait, Nanami!" You didn't know what this sudden burst of want was, but you needed him there. It was more than likely because of your heat, you wanted to hump everything you could including his hard cock. "I—I want you to help me. This is my first heat and I just want you."

Nanami smiled softly before laying back on top of you, positioning his heavy cock to rest comfortably against your pulsing clitoris. He wasted no time in kissing you, swallowing all your small whimpers before he began to drag the underside of his dick against your sensitive pussy. He knew what he was doing and he knew what you wanted, moaning loudly in your mouth which made you begin to buck your hips with his.

You felt how his body tensed a little, which showed just how sensitive he was as well. His cock was pulsing every time your clit rubbed against it, the veins in his cock only stimulating him with more sensitivity. But you wanted more, you patted his chest a couple of times which made him pull away from your luscious lips, holding himself up to stare down at you which a visible tent of pink painting over his cheeks. "What's wrong, do you want me to stop?"

Shaking your head, you answered with a no. "Can I take lead? I want to just—ride you?"

Oh, you were so innocent. He saw how serious and desperate you were, so he pulled himself up. "Up." He commanded, which you instantly did. "Good girl." You moved out the way, watching as he layed on his back in your bed. You couldn't help it, you had to had been staring at the big tent in his pants for a while. It was huge, throbbing, and you could see a wet patch at the very tip of it. You guessed you turned him on more than you thought.

"First, we're going to partake in some foreplay. I want you to feel as good as possible, ____. Come on, baby." Nanami pulled his pajama pants down, kicking them completely off and being left in only his underwear and tank top. You could now see how hard he was, his red tip being visible through his thin boxers. The veins in his cock seemed to be pulsing the more he stared at you, beating at a steady rhythm almost entrancing you.

"Can I remove my underwear? That'll make it feel better right?"

"Of course. But I'm not removing mine, just yet. I want you to dry hump my cock, try to get you prepped for the real thing." He was ever so content, watching you remove your underwear and toss them amongst the floor. Nanami held his hand out for you to grab it which you did, helping you to guide your body on top of his, straddling his waist and lowering yourself onto him. "Good girl. Now, you can go fast, slow, soft, or hard. This is for you."

You were a little embarrassed, but your body craved this so damn badly. Your hips just started moving on their own, dragging against his thick covered cock that teased and stimulated him so much. You basked in the sensation, your body tensing from how hard his cock was. He was so thick too, your lips barely being able to spread across the entire thing. But it was great, though. You had your eyes closed, placing your hands against Nanami's chest to stabilize yourself and get a good balance on top of him.

Nanami placed his hands against your smooth brown thighs, sighing softly of pleasure from how you shifted your little hot bean against his tip. That part of you was extra sensitive and unbeknownst to you, Nanami's tip was overly sensitive. The way your heated pussy fucked against his cock was making him delirious, he has wanted this for so damn long that now it was extremely difficult for him to not cum so fast. He wanted you to enjoy yourself, and by the look on your face as he opened his eyes, YOU WERE enjoying yourself.

He didn't even recognize you with how slutty you looked. Your tongue sticking out and your hips moving harder against his dick, making him hold a hard grip against your thighs. He could feel your nails digging into his chest, his skin stinging but being tolerable and somehow adding to the pleasure that his dick was getting. He could see how your tail wagged back and forth the more you rocked against him, your warm pussy twitching as it was stimulated so much by his cock.

The way your moans was music to his ears made his body shiver, the sight of your plump body working so hard for an orgasm made his balls tighten. He knew that he was about to cum, but he was going to let you enjoy him as much as you needed to. You were completely out of it, letting one of your hands go up to your breast and holding it as you bounced against Nanami. He watched your chest bounce in a way that only made his balls throb sporadically before he felt the substance travel through his cock and out his tip, his body tensing as his muscles flexed from how hard he came.

You continued on, Nanami gritting his teeth and his eyes clenching shut from the overstimulation you drained from him. "Fuuuck—!" He groaned aloud, which made you snap out of it and realize what you were doing to him. You slowed down for a moment, watching as his body jerked from all your movements.

"N—Nanami? Am I hurting you?"

He took a moment to let the euphoric afterglow wash over him. He shook his head, "Not at all, ____. I'm just sensitive. You made me cum." He knew that you wouldn't know what you just did to him, which is why it only turned him on more. He loved when your innocent side came out. "I didn't make you cum, did I?" You shook your head, watching Nanami closely from what he was doing. He sat up with you still on top of him, just before he quickly grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the bed, pinning you underneath him. "I guess we'll just have to change that, won't we?"

That shocked you, but you felt how your body desperately needed that somehow. He wasn't restricting your airflow, but it was enough to have you gulping down air every now and then. His hand was so large, almost wrapping around your throat. You felt so different, not quite like yourself, but just a horny hot mess that needed him wherever he was supposed to bed. "Guess I gotta help my baby out then. Don't worry, ____. I'll make you cum as many times as you want." Your body flinched as his free hand went to your pussy, his thumb fiddling with your throbbing bean.

"Ohhhhh—I guess I almost made you cum, huh, ____? You were grabbing your own tits, whining like a bitch." You shuddered the more he caressed your drenched pussy, and you could feel your liquids running down the crevice of your ass the more he played with you. "You're gonna take my dick. In any fucking way I want you to." You couldn't see it, but you heard how he pulled his underwear down, the soft thud of it hitting the floor. He didn't even bother taking his shirt off the normal way, instead he stopped playing with your pussy to rip his shirt off, the noise reaching your ears and making you jump.

He was completely naked above you, "If you're not ready, that's not my problem now is it?" He was up close on your face, whispering as he placed gentle kisses all over you. You felt how his tip was knocking on your door, trying to enter and making you more needy. He saw how your body tried to get him to enter you already, but Nanami loved to tease you. Even with this position, he never took his hand off your throat, "I love you. You know that right? You're my baby..." He talked you through the fact that he was pushing his dick into you, slowly but surely. Everything was so overwhelming that your mind didn't register him telling you that he loves you.

Even if he said that you not being prepped wasn't his problem, but he never would hurt you on purpose. Not unless you wanted him to. And judging by how hard you got turned on from him slamming you against the bed, your body wanted him to do whatever he wanted to you. Nanami removed his hands from around your throat, placing his head against your shoulder to pepper soft kisses on you. Your body didn't sense any pain, only being taking on a ride of pleasure the more he pressed into you. "You feel that? I'm almost in, shit—!" His breath hitched, feeling how tight you were.

There was a soft spongy spot that he was pressing against, that he softly thrusted into to figure out what it was. "Ahhhhh—! Nanami!" He knew what it was now, and he knew what he just made you do. The way you yelled his named and moaned out like a loud cry told him that he hit that secret g-spot, and by the way your body was jerking he could tell that those two thrusts made you orgasm.

He had to sit up and look at your face, hearing the mantras of moans and yells of his name the more he pressed against it. He only pulled out slightly so he could rapidly fuck against your g-spot. He knew you were in heat but to see your eyes beading with tears the more he fucked into you let him know that he was giving you the best moment of your life. He stopped momentarily, to sit up on his knees so he could stare down at you. Nanami grabbed your legs and pressed them against his chest, "That felt good, didn't it? I'm gonna make you do it again."

An experimental thrust from Nanami had your body twisting underneath him, "Fuuuck! It—it feels so good!" You didn't recognize yourself at all, but your body wanted more. You removed your legs from his chest and wrapped them around his waist, curling against him and making him lose his balance a little. You bounced against him as he leaned against the balls of his feet, before he pushed himself up and held you up against him. You fucked yourself desperately against his thick cock, but Nanami wasn't going to allow that.

With a harsh smack to your ass, it made you completely stop but moan in the process. He lifted you up in the air as he stood up on his feet, holding you still against him. He walked you both over to a wall, pressing your back against the cold surface. "Didn't I tell you that no matter what, you're gonna take my cock in the way I WANT YOU TO?!" He wasn't upset, but he knew the aggression made your body go insane. He hooked your legs around his arms and pulled you off the wall. "Now I'm not stopping no matter how hard and how many times you cum."

"Nanami, I—ahhhhhh!"

He didn't let you get a word in as he bounced you on his cock in the air, somehow your pussy feeling the pleasure ten folds stronger than before in this position. His dick was angling at your g-spot and curving to focus solely on that. "Shut the fuck up and take my dick." Your pussy twitched, and your body shivered the harder he pounded into you. "I bet you love being held like this? Fucked standing up and you can't move. Fuck you're so tight—!"

The way his cock targeted your spot repeatedly felt like your body was on fire, the tears in your eyes streaming down your cheeks and dripping down on your tits, falling between the crevices. "Oh fuck, you feel so good, ____." Nanami smacked your ass as he pounded into, before taking a hand full of your ass and gripping it tightly, using it as leverage to pull you harshly into his hard pounding cock.

You already felt another orgasm creeping up on you. You let your hands rest on Nanami's back, your nails digging into his skin making his back muscles flex from the sting. "Cumming... cu-cumming... CUMMING!!!"

That made Nanami press your back harshly against the wall, his head against your shoulder before he began pounding harder into you. "Fuck, cum around my cock, baby." Your head slammed against the wall the harder he fucked into you, his thrusts being so strong that your legs shook from the way he connected his cock to your spot. "Come on, ____. Cum, I know you're right there."

And damnit you were, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, "Ahhhhhhhh—!" You were whaling loudly and dramatically, feeling like your entire pussy was being tickled to a sensation that shouldn't have been possible. And God did he enjoy everything he was doing to your soft body. He wrapped his arms around you tightly so you wouldn't try and push him away or escape him, which you were trying to. The overstimulation was too much for you, but he wasn't going to stop until you were completely satisfied.

He felt how your juices seeped out around his cock, only to hear as it dripped down against the floor and splashed the more he fucked you. "You're taking my dick so well, aren't you? You love this, don't you?" He continued to overstimulate you, making the tears in your eyes more evident as you were slightly sobbing now, gasping as he fucked into you so deeply and harshly. Your eyes were blurred from the tears, your body shaking so badly from the sensations of his dick repeatedly bashing into you oh so deeply and deliciously.

The way your body was shaking so violently made Nanami accidentally drop you. You fell onto your side, shivering against the floor not even noticing Nanami standing over you. You were out of it, until Nanami grabbed you by your hair and held you up on your hands and knees against the floor. He got down on one knee behind you, not wasting any time to slam his dick back inside of you. "We're not done until you make me cum inside this fat pussy of yours."

Nanami gently slammed your head against the floor, his fingers tangled in your hair before pulling you back up and thrusting harshly into you. He held you by your hair, using it as leverage to pull your back against his hips. He looked down and watched how his dick was repeatedly sheathed inside your pussy, his free hand couldn't help but swat harsh slaps at your jiggling ass. The way your tail wagged from made him sigh in awe. "Fuck, look at that." Your ass moved like water against his cock, his grip in your hair making your body arch from the position.

He was about to cum, and he wasn't planning on pulling out. You deserved the warmth of his cum inside your beautiful body. This feeling was the best either of you have ever experienced, your legs becoming wobbly before you toppled over and layed limped against the floor. "That won't stop me, ___. I'm about to cum." Nanami placed his hand against the side of your face, holding you against the floor as he continued his sloppy thrust. "Oh fuck—!" His eyes were closed as his teeth clenched.

Your face was very red with your mouth open, your tongue hanging out dripping saliva. Your orgasm was right there and so was Nanami's. Your body trembled the more he pounded into you, and it only took one perfect thrust for his thick tip head to rub against your spot to have you clawing at the floor. You came with a cry, only for Nanami to follow shortly and press your face against the floor firmly, squishing your cheek against the board.

He practically growled as thick spurts of cum shot repeatedly against your cervix, making you shiver from the warmth it gave. His hips didn't want to stop, until the sensitivity became too overwhelming for him to continue anymore. He never came so hard in his life, but he was happy that he was the one you got to experience this with. He knew your heat wasn't over, not until three to four weeks. Nanami pulled his hand off of your face, sitting up and stretching his muscles out.

He didn't want to pull his cock out at all, if anything he wanted to fuck you some more but he didn't. He knew you needed rest after the countless amount of orgasms. Nanami leaned down and pressed kisses to the side of your fucked out face, his cock sliding in as he did so, making you whimper so pathetically. "Get as much rest as you can. Because when you're ready, I'm gonna fuck you again."

...

The next morning, 9:29 a.m.

Your eyes batted repeatedly, opening to the sound of a voice telling you good morning. You knew who it was, Nanami. "Good morning..." You groggily replied, your eyes opening completely to see Nanami walking towards you with a hot cup of coffee.

"How'd you sleep, ____?" Nanami had a smile across his face, handing you the cup of coffee which you took and drunk quickly. Your throat needed some soothing, and that coffee hit the spot. But it quickly had you shooting up to run to the bathroom. But, you didn't run, more like fell straight to the ground as soon as you got up. "Easy there, ____." He knew why you fell to the ground... maybe he was too rough last night, but he enjoyed watching you struggle to walk on your own.

He didn't hesitate on picking you up, walking you towards your bathroom and sitting you upon the toilet. Instantly, you relieved yourself from all the pent up liquid inside your body. Nanami just leaned against the sink, not leaving your side for a moment. He was curious, though. Did you remember anything that happened last night? Because you weren't acting like you did, and that made him feel some kind of way.

"____. Did you sleep okay?"

You looked at him, smiling softly. "Probably the best night sleep I've had in a while. I didn't expect my legs to be this sore in the morning, though."

"Do you know why that is?" He asked you acting all cluelessly.

After you used the toilet, you stood up and flushed it, watching Nanami step aside to let you wash your hands. You saw him staring at you in the mirror, so you dried your hands, turned the water off and turned towards him. "Come on, Nanami. Don't act like you don't know what happened last night."

He smiled at you, "I was just making sure you knew. I didn't want you thinking I did anything wrong."

"No, you didn't so don't worry. But do you remember what you said to me? That very romantic thing? I mean—well I saw it as romantic." Nanami shook his head, trying to remember but all he was thinking about was the way you screamed for him and came over and over again. "You told me you loved me, Nanami. I don't know why but... I feel the same way, but I just don't know if you were serious. You know, because of the heat of the moment."

His eyes went wide, upset that you thought he only said that because you were having sex. "____, listen to me." Nanami grabbed your face softly and lifted your chin up to look at him, "I've loved you for so long, okay? When I had the luck of being awarded for you at that place, it felt as if I was saving you. And ever since, I've wanted you to love me just as much as I love you. Do not question my love, I will always love you. It wasn't just the sex talking, I'm in love with you."

Your mouth formed a smile, taking in what he said before you returned the word, "I love you too, Nanami. And I wanna give this... give us a try." Nanami couldn't be more happier. He smiled gleefully as he pulled you into a heartfelt kiss, being slow, gentle, and so loving that your heart just melted.

You never knew that you'd think this, nor say it. But you felt like this is where you belong. Your family back home was very special to you, but you've never received love from a mate. And in all honesty if you could go back in time, you would slap your past self and tell her that this is where she belongs.

Home is indeed a person, and that home of yours being Kento Nanami.

This work was originally written by @compressingsins, if you see anything similar, please report it to me. 🫶🏾

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austenhowe · 5 months ago

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when do you think cressida realizes that eloise has completely forsaken her?

because before she found out penelope was lady whistledown she still thought she was the one to completely break their friendship by allowing her mother to write disparagingly about the bridgertons.

she did not know that eloise already knew who lady whistledown was when she asked for her help to write the column. she probably thought that eloise cut their friendship because her assuming the mantle of lady whistledown implies that she was the one who wrote ruinous things about her last season.

do you think she realizes that this was the reason for the fallout of eloise and penelope's friendship once she found out who the real lady whistledown was? do you think she realizes that eloise knew and that she was content to let her take the fall for perez hilton featherington? that she refused to help her knowing that she wasn't the real lady whistledown and knowing that she was desperate to escape her circumstances? and that she could not even spare her a sympathetic ear even if she didn't want to help and instead doubled down in drawing the line in the sand by cutting their friendship?

how would she feel about that when she finally works it out? when she realizes that eloise did not value their friendship as much as she did? that she probably never even valued her as a person capable of deep thoughts, of feelings, of dreams? (please don't get me started with the whole, "I did enjoy her at the start" line they gave eloise, my god that was cold)

do you think the show will even give the space for cressida to have these realizations in the next season or am I out of my mind to expect them to actually do cressida's character justice? (the show did love to laugh at her misfortune)

even if they never acknowledge this aspect of their break-up, cressida has a long carriage ride to wales to reflect on this betrayal (yes I will call it a betrayal, of their friendship and of eloise's character development in part 1) and god only knows what kind of mindset she'll end up having after realizing that she is truly alone, unwanted, unloved, and unworthy of help.

I hope at the very least that this informs her character in the next season and that we see her finding her purpose, her strength, and her place in or out of polite society. I don't ask for much. I just want her to have a good, loving, and happy life, with or without eloise.

I'll take creloise endgame if they actually manage to fix what they broke when they wrote eloise as OOC as possible so that they could have their penelope and eloise friendship as quickly as they could. I don't know about other people, but I do have standards and that includes EARNED reconciliations. I find it so cheap and lazy when writers just skip to the good part, like have some respect for your viewing audience.

I don't know why I'm still mad about this but you really shouldn't put a character that's doomed by the narrative in front of me and expect me to just leave it to die in a ditch.

I'll always root for the underdog, especially one that's been beaten down and publicly dragged through the mud for daring to escape their doomed fate.

#cressida cowper #cressida cowper deserves better #creloise #rip eloise's character development in part 1 (I did enjoy you at the start)#bridgerton writers you better fix this shit isusumpa ko kayo istg

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syeniites · 1 month ago

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I’ve seen a few people comment on the fandom’s overall tendency to understate Trimax!Wolfwood’s fear of Vash’s power/nature and perhaps exaggerate the quasi-religious devotion aspect of their dynamic, and I find it very interesting because from my perspective, all of that is heavily dependent on when in the manga timeline you’re looking at.

Because it doesn’t take Wolfwood that long to start believing in Vash’s good intentions (“A true gunman who only looks on the bright side of life?” - TM #3), but it takes far longer for him to trust that Vash can remain in control of his powers when faced with Knives (“You know what kind of guy he is, but he’s also the trigger to a power that could end the world” - TM #6).

The concern here is twofold: that Vash might ‘go off’ in a moment of extreme emotional distress, as he nearly did at Dragon’s Nest, and that he might be used as a weapon by Knives, like at July and Fifth Moon.

Despite acutely recalling the terror he felt on Ship 5 with the whole crying-blood thing (“That behemoth will splatter us like insects” - TM #2), Wolfwood seems primarily worried about the latter by the time they reach the Ark (“Is it that easy to eliminate half the threat?” - TM #6).

But then three things happen:

Knives tries to absorb Vash and is almost consumed himself instead, demonstrating that Vash’s power is the stronger of the two.

Wolfwood prays to God during the fight with Chapel (“Can murderers only be murderers?… Am I wrong?” - TM #8), and Vash is the one who answers while in full wingèd protector mode (“You are not wrong, Wolfwood!!”).

Vash deliberately activates his Angel Arm and then chooses not to set it off, thus reclaiming his bodily autonomy and freeing himself and Wolfwood from the Ark.

This is a huge turning point in their relationship! Wolfwood “bet his life on” Vash despite “fear[ing] death twice as much as others,” and Vash proved that he was right to do so. Which is why, in Wolfwood’s final confrontation with Chapel and LR, we get The speech of all time:

“Shall I tell you my hope? In this era, especially because of the era we live in, he will be able to do something. His unmatched earnestness… I believe in it. Are you scared? He has never forsaken anything” (TM #10).

Truly nothing in Trimax makes me more feral than those last two lines: the way Wolfwood invokes that fear again, but this time, he himself is exempt from it. Chapel is the one who should fear Vash, precisely because Vash would never forsake Wolfwood as Chapel suggests he did. Not when Wolfwood is one of Vash’s own.

Fear on the one side, faith on the other. Wolfwood has moved from the former to the latter.

TL;DR - In a Wolfwood Lives AU or really any scene set after they escape the Ark, it makes sense for Wolfwood not to show any particular fear of Vash’s inhuman nature and even to display signs of that sense of awe in the face of Vash’s goodness, whereas earlier in the story, it would be odd for Wolfwood to be entirely calm and accepting when Vash goes into Angel Mode™️.

#trigun #trimax #meta #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #can you tell i think about this wayyy too much?

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quietly-sleeping · 6 months ago

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Shen Qingqiu wanted to kill one of his fellow Peak Lords.

At least, that was what the rumors swirling around Cang Qiong said. The disciples couldn’t seem to agree on who the Qing Jing Peak Lord wanted to kill; just that he had sent his disciples out with an order to retrieve.

Shang Qinghua was the first of the Peak Lords to hear the rumors, his disciples had gotten more chatty than usual, the typical workload for anyone on the peak not leaving much energy to do much of anything. Other than gossip, as it turns out.

“Shizun,” His poor, overworked Head Disciple spoke up while they were sorting out yet another tower of papers into only mildly less intimidating stacks. “This disciple was wondering, has Shen-shibo said anything…worrying lately?”

“In what way, Wu Xiaoli?” Shang Qinghua didn’t stop his work, he really couldn’t, he barely had any time at all to himself after working to the bone every day, if he stopped at all he’d have to forgo sleep to get it all done. “In a murderous way?” Wu Xiaoli was hesitant as she said this, her hands barely slowing as well, what a good disciple.

“Your Shen-shibo is almost always like that, is something specific supposed to be happening?” Shang Qinghua glanced over at her, her prolonged silence stretching for a moment more before she spoke again. “In the way that most of Cang Qiong believes he is trying to capture and then kill one of his martial siblings.” Wu Xiaoli let that sit in the air for a moment before adding, “It should be fine, right Shizun?”

Shang Qinghua really regretted being reborn. “Yes, you could say that Wu Xiaoli.” He felt faint. The paperwork, just the thought of the paperwork a murder like that would spawn nearly sent Shang Qinghua into a panic attack, nausea starting to build in his throat already.

Which would lead to a visit from Mu-shidi, who while nice, was still trying to drug him with anxiety meds that Shang Qinghua did not need, thank you very much. He could feel Wu Xiaoli staring at him as he pondered how viable throwing himself off the mountain would be for knocking him unconscious, very viable, with only a mild threat of death, before she looked out the window and jolted.

“Forgive this disciple, Shizun, Tan-shijie requested a meeting about the salary allotted for building a new garden on Qiong Ding.” Wu Xiaoli hurriedly sorted the last few papers in her hands before standing and nervously brushing at her yellow robes.

“Don’t get scammed too badly this time.” Shang Qinghua said around the lump in his throat as he fished another very late work order for Bai Zhan, thank you Liu-shidi. Wu Xiaoli pouted for a moment, looking ten years old rather than nineteen before turning on her heel and marching out the door. “This disciple will try her best, Shizun!” She called out behind her.

Shang Qinghua did not hold back on the panicked sobs of dread now that his disciple was gone. He was more open with his sobbing response to issues when she was younger, but that led to a good year or so when Mu-shidi was very blatant in drugging his food and tea with anxiety meds.

The despondent Peak Lord angled himself so any tears wouldn’t hit the delicate paper covered in ink. He may have to appear red and puffy later, but by the gods that had forsaken him, he would not ruin his paperwork.

Qi Qingqi was the next to hear about the rumors. Her usually on-top-of-things Head Disciple, Shi Fa, was distracted by the adorable new addition to their Peak, little Liu Mingyan. The four-year-old giving the poor girl a run for her money.

It was amusing, but it did prove that perhaps Shi Fa wouldn’t be a great fit for Peak Lord. Which was an utter shame, the girl was perfect in every other aspect, Qi Qingqi mused on the issue for a moment before nodding to herself, a Hall Master then.

They’d do better only interacting with the students in a more detached manner, still there to advise or support the Peak Lord’s decisions. Qi Qingqi looked back down at the report that had made its way onto her desk, the handwriting hurried with ink blotches and missed strokes.

Shi Fa had heard the rumor while attempting to track down Liu Mingyan on Bai Zhan and extract her from the feral child colony that populated the Peak. One of the eldest of the feral children had been hired by a disciple of Qing Jing, needing their help since they had left the sect more often and to varied places.

Shi Fa had located Liu Mingyan and managed to contain the delightful ball of fury while gathering more information, Shen Qingqiu had ordered a fetch mission on a martial sibling. None of the Qing Jing disciples actually fessed up to which martial sibling it was, but Qi Qingqi was certain it was not one of the Peak Lords.

Since a murder had not happened during the last Peak Lord meeting, and Shen Qingqiu had been no more nasty than usual. The true question was, out of the martial siblings wandering the world, which had managed to offend Shen Qinqiu so deeply while having not stepped foot into Cang Qiong in roughly ten years at this point?

Truly, what an amusing situation, Qi Qingqi could barely keep herself from giggling like a young maiden at the possible reasons this whole situation played out. Her darling wife would suggest something along the lines of a romantic falling out, which Qi Qingqi would normally agree with, as her wife was always right, but it was Shen Qingqiu they were talking about.

Honestly, the man wouldn’t know romance if it bit him in the ass.

Shen Qingqiu heard the rumors and felt deep distaste for his gossiping martial siblings. They must be the ones to fuel this, the rumors wouldn’t have spiraled out of such control that they suggested he was hunting down a romantic partner that had scorned him.

Truly, the imagination in his disciples was utilized in everything other than their studies. He’d be much more comfortable in sending his disciples out into the world if he didn’t have to read multiple poems about bamboo after every assignment.

Other plants existed on Qing Jing, they had gardens, and they didn’t have to write about Qing Jing specifically. He could only read so many synonyms of the color green before he began to feel a deep frustration at the mere mention of poetry.

However, there had been progress, of a kind. Sightings of his wayward shidi were documented in various areas along the border between the Human and Demon realms. Shen Qingqiu was reluctant to mark them as true sightings, at least the sightings given to him by his disciples.

His network of spies, at the very least, gave more reliable sightings. He’s thrown out so many reports in the last year of a tall man with dark hair and some sort of pet. They fit the most basic description of his shidi but lacked any truly distinctive markers.

It was infuriating. Shen Qingqiu knew that his shidi wasn’t hiding on purpose at least not anymore, his shidi probably wasn’t even aware he had forgotten about their meeting. A broken promise, Shen Qingqiu seethed.

The only thing keeping Shen Qingqiu from actually ordering his spies to hunt his stupid, airheaded shidi down was that it would freak the man out, drive him into actually hiding himself. It had happened before, roughly around the time of the Qing’s ascension. The previous Ling You Peak Lord had ordered a manhunt of their youngest shidi.

The forgetful man had hidden so deeply that the previous Peak Lords were half certain he’d died in some remote hidden realm. Of course, anytime Shen Qingqiu felt like vanishing for a while, he was always dragged back.

If this continued for much longer, Shen Qingqiu might have to, with deep disgust, call in the brute to track down his shidi. Shen Qingqiu shuffled through the papers stacked neatly on top of his desk, however, other measures could be implemented before he had to rely on the brute.

He paused, long fingers tapping on the paper he was holding as he hummed thoughtfully. This could do. Qi Qingqi certainly had contacts of her own, even the sniveling rodent of An Ding had his channels. A polite request for tea from his shimei was certainly unexpected, ah her wife must be coming along.

Shen Qingqiu felt the corner of his lips twitch slightly, for a woman of such brutal background, Qi-shimei’s wife was such a stickler for formalities.

Yue Qingyuan, despite the pains he went to keep an ear and eye on his Xiao Jiu, couldn’t keep track of everything the strategist did. So when Wei-shidi mumbled over his cup of tea about a manhunt, Yue Qingyuan felt a deep twist in his gut.

He knew that Xiao Jiu had his reasons, but his Xiao Jiu had grown even more reticent since the ascension, but that had never stopped Yue Qingyuan. Wei-shidi had fled quickly, muttering about checking on a volatile sword, but the sect leader barely heard him, just nodding with a small polite smile.

Blankly he stared at the wall for a moment, lost, before he called out. “Tan Liu?” Soft steps walked towards the office, “Yes, Shizun?” Tan Liu was the oldest of the Head Disciples and her command over her shidi and shimei made Yuq Qingyuan certain she knew about what was going on.

“What is this about a manhunt?” He asked, his thumb rubbing along the teacup. Tan Liu hesitated for the barest moment before she straightened, “Shen-shishu issued a retrieval order for a martial sibling of the Qing generation. The general description has made its way to this disciple's ears, but not the name. I apologize.”

Yue Qingyuan hummed for a moment, gently setting his teacup down on the low table. Tan Liu scuffed her feet gently on the wooden boards before speaking up again, “This one knows she should have reported this earlier to Shizun, however, this one felt she didn’t have enough information or evidence.” Yue Qingyuan glanced over at her with a small smile, “This master understands, the description?”

Tan Liu relaxed slightly, before reciting the short description she had made sure to memorize. “A taller man of slight build, favors lighter colors such as white and pale blues and greens, wears a simple hairstyle, typically braided, dark green eyes, with a slightly crooked nose.” Tan Liu paused a moment before continuing, “Likely to be spotted with a creature of some sort, the creature will be tame, likely rare. Will take requests regardless of reward or how simple the request may be.”

Yue Qingyuan closed his eyes as his Head Disciple’s voice tapered out. He knew exactly who his Xiao Jiu was hunting. The man was difficult to pin down, even harder to keep in one place, the only person who had succeeded before was the man’s own Shizun, who had defaulted to tracking talismans.

“Good. Thank you, Tan Liu.” Yue Qingyuan didn’t look over at the woman as he waved his hand. They both had paperwork to return to, and she didn’t need to be standing around waiting for him to come to a decision. He heard her soft footfalls as she left the room, the door shutting behind her.

Yue Qingyuan sat in silence for a long moment, a deep exhaustion beginning to form deep within his eyes, Xiao Jiu was certainly hunting someone. Their youngest shidi in fact, someone they hadn’t managed to track down before their ascension, his courtesy name still sealed within a final letter from the Previous Ling You Peak Lord.

It had been ten years, perhaps the man had slipped out of hiding, his guard falling enough for them to herd him back to the sect. If Xiao Jiu didn’t bring this up at the Peak Lord Meeting next week, Yue Qingyuan would, if only to bring their shidi and shimei into the hunt.

Shen Yuan, the missing Ling You Peak Lord, and the youngest shidi of the Qing generation. He was still out there, at the very least, Shen Qingqiu believed he was, which knowing the man, was probably as good of evidence as Yue Qingyuan would get. A soft sigh left his mouth before he stood, his paperwork was still waiting for him, and if he was going to be ascending another Peak Lord soon, he’d need his schedule as free as possible to plan a ceremony.

part two

ao3

#svsss #fanfic #mxtx svsss #shen yuan #shen jiu #yue qingyuan #shang qinghua #qi qingqi #so sorry about my grammer #this is what i was complaining about shen jiu for #had to rewrite this from the ground up #ill post this on ao3 later but i wanted to get it out there before i over think myself into oblivion #also the time line has been altered #the qing generation ascended about 10 years before the tlj fiasco #that is relevant information later #you can blame my roommate for the bullshit i pull with qqq's wife #part 1

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