#For the first time since moving in to my new place I have dishes piling up in the sink

[yourfirstnamealoud]

I spent all of yesterday in bed, and that was just awful. But like. Ty ibuprofen ty healing this cannot be understated. But I am back to shifting around and be able to focus on very little. good to be home.

[taeghi]

– i don't want to be your roommate, i want to kiss your neck || (m)

heeseung x reader | smut, fluff, angst, PWP lol | roommate + best friend's brother!heeseung

➤ summary : at first, you cursed lee hana for ditching your roomies-forever contract, but now you want to thank her for having such a great idea for her hot brother to move in as her replacement... just as long as she doesn't find out you think he's hot.

➤ includes : warning!cuddling!!!, also masturbating, unprotected sex, fingering, praise, breeding kink ;)

➤ word count : 15.7k (jesus)

minors DNI!!!!

taglist : @iamliacamila @m3chigo @jaylaxies @stellarpsh @noonareads @xrvrqs @enmayz @enhastolemyheart @notevenheretbh1 @jjhmk @heyitsbush @ipoststuffandyeah @seokseokjinkim @capri-cuntz @parksunghoonsgf @hoyeonheeseung @erehkinnie30 @niniissus @janehrt @jenojammin @heerated @luvjongseong @wonniewonwon @loveyrovey @page-odette @slay-you-slay-all-day

lee hana was the best friend you could ever ask for. 

when you met during freshman year of college you knew that you would be best friends forever. she was the missing piece that you were missing in a lot of ways. so, when she asked if you wanted to find a place to rent together you couldn’t possibly turn her down. 

you decorated the apartment you found so that it could be deemed as ‘your shared home’. parts of you both were mangled around the apartment, wherever you looked there were pieces of each other somewhere.  hana’s favourite photography works she’s taken, your ugly wool throw blankets that you insisted on having and both of your dirty dishes piling up in the sink because you both hated doing dishes. 

 though, you both lived wonderfully together. you managed to cook almost everyday regular meals that were somewhat healthy and made sure the other one was getting to class on time. you figured that you would continue to live with her for the rest of your early-mid twenties. 

until she got a boyfriend. 

don’t get it wrong, you loved jay; but you despised him for taking away your perfect roommate. 

you were worried at first when hana sat you down and told you she’d be moving out by the end of the month. her and jay had decided to take their relationship further and she agreed to move into his apartment with him. you knew that your lease wouldn’t end until the rest of the year, meaning that you would have to pay the rent for two people even though it’d be only you living here. which, you did not have the money for as a broke college student. 

“but don’t worry!” hana smiled at you from her spot on the couch when she broke the news, “i’ve found you another roommate who is just like me! so there won’t be any problems.” 

you sigh, because there are usually always problems if hana isn’t involved. meaning, you will most definitely hate your new roommate, hana’s replacement. 

“don’t sigh like that y/n!” hana smacks your shoulder, “he’s seriously a perfect mix of you and i, you’ll like him.” 

“him?!” you exclaim, shaking your head no to the fact that you will have to live with a boy. 

“y/n, just give him a chance! you haven’t even met him yet!” 

you glare at your best friend and soon-to-be-ex-roommate with displeasure at the new information she was laying on you. “but he’s a boy, hana! he’s gonna ruin our woman sanctuary here!” 

“y/n, i don’t think this has been a woman sanctuary since we’ve moved in,” 

“but it could be, if you stay living here,” 

“y/n, i already told him he could have my room, I care about him a lot.” hana juts out her lips into a pout, her pretty features contorting into begging ones as she desires your approval. 

“fine, but i want him to at least try to contain his man testosterone to one room,” you sigh, giving in to your best friend. her squeals reach your ears quickly as she leans over to pull you into a hug. 

“you’re gonna love him! you won’t even want me back as a roommate,”

“who even is he?” 

“his name’s heeseung,” 

“heeseung?” 

“yeah,” hana shrugs casually, “my brother.” 

“what?!” you exclaim at her again. you had never met her family before, both of you growing up in different states made it hard to meet each others. hana was usually private about her family, not talking much about them either way. you were aware that she had an older brother, but you would have never thought that you would come to live with him. “hana, what.” 

hana lets out her familiar roistering laugh at your shocked expression, “i told you he was just like me- and if he’s just like me then he’s just like you!” 

you pout, “we’ll see about that.” 

you didn’t meet lee heeseung until lee hana had officially moved out. he came unexpected, a knock on your door that you couldn’t guess would be him. 

it was the day after you sat on the kitchen stool, a pout on your face as you watched hana and jay  take her boxes to the moving truck. 

“can’t i just move in with you guys?” you whine out to them. 

“aw, y/n,” hana comes over to you, cupping your cheeks harshly together. “no.”  you let out a hmph at her response, making her let out her obnoxious laugh. “i’m still going to see you!”

“yeah, i know, but it won’t be the same,” you shake your head at her. 

though you were happy for hana, it was still hard to believe that you would never be roommates again with her. jay and her made the perfect match, so part of you knew this day would come. the day that you would no longer be able to refer to lee hana as your roommate. so the final goodbye as roommates was bittersweet when hana and her cinnamon scent left the apartment that she no longer called her home. the apartment had an echo to it that night, when you were cooking dinner by yourself- for yourself. 

hana had texted you that she had forgotten a few boxes in her closet, therefore when there was knocking on the door at 8am the next day you figured it was her. you swung open the door, dressed in your loose sweatpants and tank top, ready to tease her for coming back so soon.  

you were not expecting to open the door to see an ethereal man. 

his warm brown, deer-like eyes were relaxed as they met your surprised ones. his said eyes wandered down your body, stopping to stare at your exposed lower stomach from your sweatpants sitting low on your hips. you felt your neck gush with heat as you attempted to pull down your tanktop when you realized where his eyes had been stranded. 

“hi, you must be y/n,” he spoke first, his voice as warm as his eyes. 

“uh, yes?” you respond curiously, your mind still flowing with sleep from waking up seconds before. 

the boy raised a singular key on a chain in front of your face, “i’m heeseung- hana gave me the key but i figured i would knock first anyways.” 

“hee- heeseung, right, um,” 

“so, can i come in?” heeseung smiled at your shocked demeanor. 

“yes! um, of course, sorry- i just woke up.” you mentally cursed yourself for being so bewildered. 

your new roommate stepped in and stopped in the middle of the living room. looking over the place from top to bottom. his eyes were going over every nook and cranny that he could possibly see. when he figured he had seen enough, he turned back to you at the open door and said, “it’s nice in here- really nice.” 

“thanks,” you stated, curious about where he was taking this. 

“i’ll try to keep my man testosterone to my room so it doesn’t ruin what you’ve got going on here.”  your jaw dropped at his words, not believing that hana could’ve told him that you said that. 

“look, i didn’t-” you started, trying to explain yourself so your new roommate doesn’t hate you completely. 

his laugh that is a lot quieter than hana’s, considering that they’re related, rings out in the apartment. you paused for a second to think that maybe you could get used to hearing his laugh instead. “it’s alright, don’t worry about it.” 

“no, really, sometimes i just-,” 

“it’s alright, hana gave me some pre-move in roommate tips, i got you.” 

your demeanor changes as you cross your arms over your chest at the news, “oh did she?” heeseung gives a faint noise of confirmation as he scans the old couch you and hana picked up on the side of the street two years ago, “and what was one of those tips.” 

“hm, that you must have green tea every morning before you can do anything else.” he smiles cheesily at you, “which i think we should get on doing so you’re down to help bring in all my shit.” 

sure enough, you got your cup of green tea, showing heeseung around the kitchen as you did so. he sat at the kitchen stool where you sat yesterday, watching the other lee sibling move all her belongings out.  you tried to tell yourself to calm down as he sat behind you, out of your view. you were not used to having a good looking boy in your apartment. you were glad that you slipped into your room to get a hoodie on before reaching the kitchen for that cup of tea. 

“sorry it’s a mess in here, i didn’t know you were moving in today,” you spoke with your back still to him. 

“really? hana told me that she told you i was coming,” 

you scoff, “of course she did. she always forgets to do as she says.” 

a knowing smile crawls onto heeseung’s pretty face, a smile that seems to be the only thing that gives away he’s related to hana, “i know; i shouldn’t have trusted her this morning.”

“she also didn’t tell me that it was her older brother moving in,” you joke, turning around now with a hot cup of tea in your hand. when he lets out a shocked expression you continue, “i knew she had an older brother, but she never told me your name.” 

heeseung shrugs, “yeah, we’re private like that- i don’t think many of my friends have met hana either.” 

“why not?”

“i don’t know, we’re just like that.” 

you set down your now empty cup, feeling refreshed as the hot tea settles in your stomach.  “right, let’s go get your man testosterone shit.” 

heeseung follows you out of your now shared apartment, smiling to himself as you complain about becoming his personal mover. 

with lee heeseung’s belongings finally all brought into your now shared apartment, you couldn’t help but compare his scent to his sisters. it was similar in a way, the cinnamon wisp of hana’s you became familiar with circled around heeseung, but there was a mix of something sweet along with it. 

the boy didn’t have too many things. a big computer set, a few boxes of clothes and a ton of cd’s. hana’s old bookshelf seemed to suit heeseung’s cd collection easily as there was just enough room for them all to be lined up by genre. you could tell that the remnants of hana will no longer be in your apartment by the end of the day. 

“i think i forgot another box of cd’s in my car,” heeseung said as you watched him unpack from the bedroom’s door frame you were leaning on. “i’ll be right back.” he walks past you, a noise of acknowledgement coming from your throat. 

with the front door closing and heeseung’s brown hair leaving sight behind it, your head turns to hana’s now old room. heeseung’s clothes boxes are stacked up on his new bed. you wonder for a moment what other clothes he wears besides the gray sweats and black hoodie he has on today. then, drooping out of the farthest box on the bed, a white and black flannel catches your eye. before you know it your legs and feet have moved so you’re able to pick up the flannel. the fabric is soft and you instantly smell that sweet scent of heeseung surrounding you. 

“i can put away my clothes myself, it’s okay.” heeseung’s voice speaks from behind you, making you jump and instantly drop the flannel from your hands, back into the box. 

you turn to see him putting the last box of his cd’s onto his desk, his hoodie sleeves rolled up so you can see his smooth forearms now. “right, i know. sorry.” 

heeseung chuckles under his breath as he flips his bangs up out of his face and runs a hand through his hair, “no it’s okay, i just figured you wouldn’t want to touch more of my man testosterone than you already have.” 

your lips purse at him, “yeah you’re right. i can already feel it growing on me.” you make so that your hands are trying to brush something off of you in disgust. 

“well how about you go wash it off in the shower while I make breakfast?” heeseung suggests with a playful smile on his pink lips. 

“breakfast?” you exclaim, your eyes wide. 

“well i would say it is around breakfast time, no?” 

“hana never made breakfast.” 

“what can i say? i’m the better roommate.” 

you crossed your arms over your chest, “don’t push it, heeseung.” you glare at him as you push past him to go to the bathroom. “and I like my eggs over-easy.” 

you hear heeseung’s soft laugh as you close the bathroom door. 

not only did lee heeseung offer to cook breakfast, he is actually good at cooking. as soon as you walked out of the bathroom in clean clothes and the man testosterone on your skin properly washed off, you started drooling at the smell of food. 

heeseung was standing over the stove, finishing up the last of the scrambled eggs he was making. the small kitchen table you and hana bought years ago was set up with plates and cutlery, some fruit, bacon and toast. 

“heeseung, oh my god,.” you say in shock. you would have never imagined that your new roommate would have done something like this. .

heeseung turns with a pretty smile on his face, “sit down, the eggs are done now.” 

in your shocked state you managed to sit down in the chair heeseung motioned to as he filled up your plate with eggs. “why did you make all this?” 

heeseung shrugs as he set the empty frying pan in the sink and sits down across from you, “i mean you let me move in here without ever properly meeting me and then you helped me move in all my stuff, so i figured this was the least i could.” you stare at him in shock and heeseung lets out a quick, dry laugh, “well are you gonna eat it or what?” 

“right! sorry!” you pick up your fork and start to dig in, “it’s just, i haven’t had a breakfast like this in years.” 

“what do you usually have for breakfast then? besides green tea.” 

now you shrug, eyes practically closing from how good his food tastes, “nothing, pretty much.” 

heeseung rolls his eyes, “well that’s not good, we’ll have to change that.” 

“if you make breakfast like this often then you and your man testosterone can stay here for as long as you like.” you point your fork at him with a knowing smile. 

“or until the lease is up in december.” 

“right, or until then.” 

the mention that heeseung nor you wouldn’t be living here together for more than four months suddenly leaves a pit in your stomach that his eggs couldn’t manage to fill as you continue eating. heeseung has already been in your apartment for no more than four hours and you already could not imagine living with someone else. 

besides their smiles, heeseung and hana seem to only have one other thing in common. which is their ability to get comfortable anywhere. 

you had made sure to tell heeseung to make himself feel at home, since it is home now. at least it is for four months. you didn’t want to be those awkward roommates that feel like they have to sneak around the apartment to not piss off the other roommate. 

but, for a moment, you forgot who he was related to. 

so, heeseung made himself comfortable really quickly. by the third week of living together he was already settled in and acting like he had owned the place for years. 

you learnt quickly that heeseung really likes music. his cd collection taking over his room was the first sign of his passion. when he mentioned he is a dance major at your university, it was not that big of a shock to you. you also quickly caught on to him seemingly always having his earphones in, the white cord trailing from his ear to his phone he always carries with him. 

you didn’t mind heeseung’s obsession with music, in fact you found it interesting he could listen to music for so long without a stop. you didn’t think it would ever be a bother to you. 

except for now. 

you are in your room trying to finish writing your qualification letter to the university’s library so you could become a student librarian this year, which you procrastinated so much that you only have two days before the school year starts to hand it. it is like you are having a severe writer's block and could not think of why you should be the one with the librarian position. you love going to the library to study and to read, you spent your entire first year in the library so much that hana said you should just move in there. having this student librarian position would be good for your career as you wanted to become a teacher abroad. 

you were getting frustrated at your lack of writing for this letter when you started to hear music coming from heeseung’s bedroom across the hall. it was loud and it was some aggressive heavy metal music. you take a breath and decide that it’s a sign that you need to take a break from this letter. you push your laptop to the side and lay down, covering your eyes with your arm draped over your face. 

even with your eyes closed you can still see words going across your eyes, not being able to stop thinking about what you could possibly write in your letter. you lay there trying to think of something, anything, but everytime you think you get somewhere it seems to be stupid and then heeseung’s music fades into your ears again. 

when you’ve finally had enough of laying there, getting nowhere with your letter and heeseung’s music having no sign of stopping, you toss your sapphire sheet off of your legs and stand up, beelining it right to heeseung’s door. without a hesitation you knock on his door, and a second later the music stops and it opens. 

heeseung stands in the doorway now, his brown bangs practically stuck to his forehead with sweat and his bambi eyes immediately looking down at your figure. his cheeks are flushed a red hue that almost matches the colour of his lips that are parted as he breathes. but you can’t properly match the colour of his cheeks to his lips because you realize he is shirtless standing in front of you. 

sweat droplets are trailing down his tanned skin like they’re racing each other. his broad shoulders that you couldn’t have stopped yourself from noticing weeks ago are now plain in sight for your eyes to drink in. his abdomen is full of muscles that move with his chest as he practically pants, trying to catch his breath in front of you. 

“what’s up?” his voice successfully breaks you out of the trance you were somehow put in. 

“uh,” you shake your head trying to grab onto all of the thoughts that were filling your head, “i’m trying to write my student librarian application letter and i can’t focus because your music is too loud.” you try to sound as angry and frustrated as you were one minute ago, but your words only come out mediocre when you speak. 

“oh shit, i’m sorry,” heeseung’s hand brushes his damp bangs out of his eyes, his face forming into a sorry expression as he looks down at you. “i was working out because the university gym isn’t open yet– i’ll put my headphones in.” 

“right, okay.” you speak, trying to not focus on the way his muscles flexed in his arm when he pushed his bangs back. 

“good luck on your letter,” heeseung smiles at you and it triggers reality for you as you quickly back up and enter your own room. 

“thanks.” you say to him, closing your bedroom door so you’re out of view of each other. 

you hold onto the doorknob until you hear heeseung’s door click shut and you let out a breath of relief as your body laxes. you climb back into your sapphire sheets, thankful for the coolness of them that will bring down your flushed hot state. 

when you realize your panties are damp against your skin, you make a pact to yourself– and to hana– that there is no possible way you will find your best friend’s brother hot. 

you thought that when school started you would see less of heeseung than you did in the final days of summer, but it seemed that you only saw more of him. you would see him walk past you on campus, never failing to wave at you or call your name. you also learnt that heeseung has a bad habit of skipping classes. so he was home more than you were. the only classes he never skipped were his dance ones, that would go on for hours and leave him to be tired and sweaty when he comes home. 

like tonight, you were sitting on the couch in the living room, your laptop warm on your lap as you typed away at your essay, telling yourself to write just a few more sentences. since you ended up getting the job as the student librarian, you’ve had less time to do school work since you’ve had to run around helping other students in the library. when the front door opens, a very tired looking heeseung walked in, his clothes practically falling off him from exhaustion. 

“long practice?” you ask him absentmindedly, still focusing on your essay. 

“very, long practice.” you hear him respond as the fridge door opens. you hear him shuffle around in the fridge before it closes and he tells you he’s gonna get in the shower. 

the faint sound of the shower running starts and you forget that heeseung is even home as you continue to write your essay. when the bathroom door opens minutes later, you glance up at the time on your computer, seeing it approaching 9pm. 

“wanna watch a movie?” heeseung asks from behind you. 

you sigh, “i really wanna finish my essay, though.” 

heesung comes around the couch and sits on the other side, putting his feet up on the coffee table in front of it, “that’s okay, right? you can do both. plus knowing you, you’ve probably been working on it all day right?” 

“maybe.” 

“well then you need a break.” 

“but i’m almost done, just a few more paragraphs.” you jut out your bottom lip as you look at him for the first time. his hair is wet and it’s falling into his eyes. the sight instantly makes you remember the working-out incident from a few weeks ago and you tighten your thighs together at the mere thought of it. 

“c’mon, watch a movie with me, y/n.” he begs you, “please.” before you can say no he’s reaching over and taking your laptop out of your hands. 

“heeseung!” you whine out, “i’m almost done!” 

the position he was in to grab the laptop meant that he was a lot closer to you than before, his face only centimeters away from yours as he leaned on his elbow on the couch cushion. “please, watch a movie with me.” he mimics your earlier expression of your jutted out lip. 

you sigh, giving into the boy, “fine.” he lets out a hissed ‘yes’ as he sets the laptop on the coffee table and passes you the remote.

you still for a moment when he drops his head into your lap. you’re unsure what to do or say so you try to focus on finding a movie in front of you on the tv. 

“it’s okay if i put my head in your lap right? i’m just so tired.” heeseung asks, probably noticing how stiff your body went. 

“uh, yeah sure.” you say, watching where you place your hands and arms now. you hear him let out a quiet ‘yay’ before he’s telling you to put on a studio ghibli movie.

It was hard to concentrate on Spirited Away at first, with heeseung’s head weight in your lap. you could feel his warm breath on your thigh everytime he exhaled. one of his hands was hooked onto your thigh in front of his face and you could feel him mindlessly tapping his fingers against your leg, probably to some song that is stuck in his head today. you told yourself to focus on the movie and it worked until you stopped feeling his fingers tapping on your thigh. you glance down at your roommate and see that he’s fallen fast asleep on your lap. his damp hair now dry and falling into his closed eyes. his lips are parted slightly as he exhales deep, slow breaths. you allow yourself to take him in for a moment, never seeing him so calm before. 

through his bangs you see that his eyebrows are not scrunched up in their usual frown since school started. you almost instinctively brush his bangs off of his forehead, but stop when you're a mere inch away. roommates should not be affectionate with each other, especially when said roommate is your best friend’s brother. 

haku distracts you again. 

when heeseung moves once more, it’s an hour later when Spirited Away has finally ended, the ending music causing him to stir. 

“damn, i basically missed the entire thing.” he mumbles, sleep laced in his voice. 

“you did miss the entire thing.” you respond, quirking an eyebrow up at him as he lifts himself from your lap. 

“sorry,” he shrugs, “but that was the best sleep i’ve had in a while.” 

“really?” 

“yeah, i’ve been stressed about the dance concert that’s coming up- they put me in charge of a major part of the choreography so, my minds just been on that.” 

“heeseung, what? that’s amazing!”

heeseung smiles at you, brushing his bangs back like you almost did an hour ago. “thanks- and thanks for letting me sleep.” 

“it’s no problem, it gave me more time to think about how to end my essay.” 

“yeah? think you can end it perfectly after taking a break?” heeseung asks with a sly tone.

“just perfectly.” 

since the night heeseung had slept in your lap, neither of you had shied away from little touches of each other. like hands casually sliding over each other’s when he passes you the milk for your cereal, laughing into each other’s bodies, and more naps with heeseung’s head in your lap. 

you told yourself that it’s no different than hanging out with your other friends. that you guys are just friendly with each other. there was no romantic feelings between you and your best friend’s older brother. 

you knew you and heeseung were getting more comfortable with each other, but when he barges into the bathroom while your mid-shower, you had to re-think just how close you two were. 

“sorry!” heeseung immediately calls out as soon as he enters the bathroom, “but i gotta pee so bad and i need to leave!” 

your mouth drops open as your eyes widen. you instinctively cover your body even though the shower curtain is covering you completely. “it- it’s fine.” you hear him shuffling around through the sound of the shower’s water hitting the tub. tyring to ignore that there is only a thin layer of fabric covering your naked body from heeseung’s gaze you ask him “where are you going?”.

“uh, jaehyuck’s having a party tonight and jeongin’s been outside waiting for me for almost ten minutes now and he’s pissed.” 

“oh, ok. have fun.” 

“i will, thanks!” are heeseung’s last words in the bathroom before he’s shutting the door and leaving. 

once you’re alone in the shower again, you wonder what you should do tonight since heeseung’s gone and it’s friday night. you wonder if hana would want to hang out at the old cafe you two used to frequent before she moved out. but the odd’s are low since she’d probably rather go to a bar and “start her weekend off right”. you laugh to yourself as you perfectly hear hana’s words in your head. but still, you figure you would try. 

your efforts immediately fail as an hour later you open the door to hana dressed in her ‘ready for the bar’ outfit glaring at your ‘ready for the cafe’ outfit. 

“no.” hana states as she glances up and down at you, shaking her head. “it’s friday y/n! let’s go drinking! you can study for the other two days of the weekend!”

“ugh,” you move aside and plop down on your couch, hearing hana close the door behind her wander around her old apartment. “i hate going to bars!” 

“yeah well you need to get away from “studying” places every once and a while!” hana’s voice rings from your bedroom. you sit up on the couch, realizing your head was placed right where heeseung’s face was pressed against your thighs a few weeks ago. 

“we don’t have to study at the cafe!” you call back to her. 

“but you’ll be thinking about studying!” 

“i’d probably be thinking about studying at a bar, too!” 

“not if you’ll be drinking and,“ hana’s voice gets clearer as she continues, “wearing this.” 

you turn to look at her as she emphasizes her last word. in her hands is a tight black dress that you have never worn before. it has thin noodle straps and is made of silk. “no.” 

“yes!” hana answers, “and since when did you have such a cute dress?” 

“ugh,” you plop down onto the couch again, “i don’t know, a while ago. it was stupid of me.” 

“c’mon y/n, it’s gonna look nice on you!” hana pushes your legs so she can sit beside you. “plus, i already ordered a taxi and it’ll be here in five minutes.”

“what?” you sit up with wide eyes. 

“you better hurry and get this dress on!” hana grins at you, allowing for you to grab the dress and run off to your bedroom to change. 

hana’s grin doesn’t leave her face, even when you’re sitting across from her at the table in some bar she’s chosen to take you to. since it’s friday night and you live in a popular school town- this bar is practically packed. you glance around nervously, always hating big crowds of people. 

“so, what’s it like living with my brother so far?” hana asks you, sipping her drink through her straw. 

“it’s fine.” you shrug, mimicking her actions with your own drink. maybe getting more alcohol in your system will take away your anxious thoughts. 

“oh come on!” hana exclaims, “this is like the one hundredth time i’ve asked you and it’s always the same reply. and i’ve noticed you never even mention him to me either.” 

“well what do you want me to say? living with him is fine, it’s normal.” you defend yourself, flashbacks of every not-so-normal roommate encounter you’ve had with her brother the past month and a half. 

“well i mean do you talk to him?” 

“hana, i kind of have to, because you know, we live together.” you roll your eyes at your best friend. 

“well what do you talk about?” 

“i- i don’t know! normal things! what’s this all about?” 

hana shrugs and sits back into her seat, “nothing- it’s just ever since he moved in i don’t hear anything about him, like does he even still live there?” 

“yes, he lives there.” you shove her legs with your foot playfully under the table, “and it’s just there’s nothing to say. we’re roommates- that’s it.” 

“so you guys aren’t like, friends?” you think about it for a moment, are you and heeseung? friends? you suppose you see each other at some of your worsts, like right after waking up, or all sweaty from dancing. you share things about your day and food. but those are things that just come with being roommates. so, you shrug. “what do you mean? you’ve lived together for two months and aren’t friends?” 

“well i don’t know! i haven’t asked him if we’re friends or anything- nothing like that has come up!”

“do you guys know things about each other? like share things like that?” 

“yeah, some things.” 

“like do you know who his stupid friends are?” 

you think about it for a second. every time you’ve seen heeseung on campus he’s been by himself. and he’s only briefly mentioned jeongin a few times. so you’ve assumed to yourself that jeongin must be his best friend. “only jeongin. but i’ve never met him or anything.” 

“ah jeongin!” hana nods, “yeah he’s one of the nice ones.” 

you tilt your head, “what do you mean?” 

“heeseung hangs around with the Sigma Fidi guys- the ones that are all born in 2001.” 

“the ones that completely ruined the library last year?” your mouth drops open in memory of how the beloved library- the only place you could find peace- was entirely flipped upside down last year. 

“yep, those guys.” 

“oh my god!” you sat back in your chair in despair, “that took weeks to fix!” 

“i know, i clearly remember how much you complained about it when it happened.” you ignore hana’s playful smile as you try to take in how someone as nice as heeseung could be friends with people who are capable of tearing apart such a beautiful place. “anyways, there’s the yang jeongin guy you’ve heard of. i guess him and heeseung have been friends for maybe ten years now?” so you’ve correctly assumed that they’re probably best friends. “and jaehyuk, beomgyu and theo. there’s more but those are the ones that heeseung usually hangs around with.” 

“and all four of them ruined the library?” you ask hana, still not comprehending it all. 

“mm, i think so.” hana nods, “i never really asked heeseung about it so.”

“oh.” 

the music in the bar is suddenly louder, playing some song you’ve never heard of and are far too busy mentally to even decide if you like the song or not. you would’ve never thought that heeseung would be the one behind ruining your sanctuary last year. even after speaking to him about the library so many times! you remember how distraught your favourite librarian was when you walked in after opening hours. the books were pushed onto the floor and ripped. the tables, walls and ceiling had spray paint all over it. all the flowers that even you watered sometimes were ripped from their roots and dirt was mucked throughout the entire room. not even one bookshelf was together after being stepped on and smashed. you remember how much you struggled to find a calming place to sit at school for months afterwards. 

“what’re you thinking about?” hana asks you, nudging her foot against your leg. 

“nothing.” 

“then let’s go dance!” before you can refuse, hana is pulling you up, leaving your drinks and table behind to enter the very crowded dance floor, pushing your new revelations of heeseung out of your mind, at least for awhile. 

it was hours later, further into the night when you got back to yours and heeseung’s shared apartment. it was quiet and dark, as you expected since it was reaching 3am. your familiarity with the apartment was your only guidance to your bedroom. 

within inches from your bedroom, you heard it. 

a muted moan through the walls. 

your entire body tensed and retracted your hand that was about to touch your bedroom’s door knob. a thump followed by a woman’s giggle from the other side of the hallway made you stand up straight. and then it was clear what was happening in your roommate’s bedroom. 

you never expected heeseung to bring home someone. it was never even mentioned between you two. he’s never even brought home a friend before as they always just wait outside for him. 

a deep, nauseous feeling overcomes you and you curse yourself for drinking tonight. without thinking much- only the vibrant thought of ‘i can’t be here anymore’ flashing in your mind, you turn back the way you came, catching a glimpse of high heels at the front door. you only stop when you’re in the lobby of your apartment. 

the moonlight is filling up the entire room, bringing some comfort to you as tears start to well up in your eyes. you know the reason why you’re crying, but you refuse to accept it and blame it on the alcohol. you sit down on the small couches that the lobby holds for visitors, and accept your fate of sitting here for the rest of the night. 

you didn’t know what to do. you couldn’t go to hana’s because then she’d obviously ask why you're upset. and what’re you gonna say? that you’re upset because you’ve developed a crush on your roommate that happens to be her brother and that the thought of him fucking another girl in your apartment makes you feel like you’re rotting from the inside out? that wouldn’t go well. 

because you know how hana would feel to have trusted you to live with her brother just for you to ruin it all. she was never close with heeseung in the first place, so to have her best friend have feelings for him? it just seems out of the question. why would she want her best friend to date her basically estranged older brother? even after tonight, when she asked question after question about your relationship with heeseung, she seemed off. she seemed like she wanted to know that you and heeseung are just friends. you wouldn’t even put it past her to be secretly happy that you told her everything is just normal roommates between you two. 

if only she knew how not normal it was. roommates don’t sleep with their heads on each other’s laps. they don’t drool over the other when they’re working out. their hearts don’t flip when they see each other in the hallways at school. and they most definitely don’t get upset when the other is fucking someone else.  

you sigh frustratedly, swearing to wipe the last tear off of your cheek and rest your head on the arm rest of the small couch. it’s small enough for your legs to curl up on, but it does nothing from the small gushes of air that circulate your dress-clad body. you fight the urge to go to sleep, but soon give in, the last thought being of heeseung and the unknown betrayal he just carried out. 

when you woke up, the pale moonlight had turned into a warm yellow glow. 

which was being blocked by your apartment’s front desk worker, jongho. you sit right up when your sleepy mind clears and you realize he’s glaring right at you. 

“good morning, y/n.” his monotone voice speaks to you. 

“uh, hi, jongho.” you try to speak cheerfully to distract him from the fact you probably smell like alcohol and are passed out in the public lobby. 

“have a good sleep?” 

“uh, yeah! just wanted to see how comfy these couches are, you know?” 

“no, i don’t know as i would think my own bed would be far more comfortable.” 

you cringe at his words, standing up and avoiding eye contact as he scolds you. “yeah, i should go see just how comfortable my bed is- sorry.” you wave smally at him as you head to the elevator, wanting it to come faster as you could still feel jongho’s eyes on you as he makes his way back to his desk. 

“have a good day, y/n.” he calls out to you when the elevator door closes with you inside. you only then let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding when his cold eyes leave your body. 

out with that breath and in with the thoughts of what the hell you’re about to walk into as the elevator quickly takes you to your floor. you mumble a curse as you see the mess you look like in the elevator’s mirror. scrambling to fix your hair and wipe the fallen eyeliner as walk to your door. 

your quick plan to quietly sneak into your bedroom and act as if you didn’t just freak out that heeseung was having sex with a girl and sleep on a basically public couch all night failed just as quickly as you thought of it. 

as soon as you entered your apartment, lee heeseung was standing at the kitchen island, glaring at you with eyes almost as cold as jongho’s. “where the hell have you been?” your eyes catch the floor where you saw the high heels hours ago and take a mental sigh of relief when you see that they’re gone. she probably walked right past you when you were passed out on the couch. “hello?” 

your body tenses again when heeseung’s tone matches his eyes. his hands stop mixing whatever’s in the bowl as he takes in your figure. 

“i went out, to the bar with hana last night.” you reply, easing off your own high heels at the front door. 

“and so you couldn’t answer a text? i was worried.” 

it’s then that you realized you left your phone in your purse on the couch last night when you came home. mentally slapping yourself. “i forgot it, so i slept at hana’s.” 

“i thought you said you never wanted to sleep in an apartment with jay and hana again?” 

you shrug, not finding any humour this morning. “i was drunk.” 

“ok, well i’m making eggs if you want some.” 

you shake your head no as you whisk up your forgotten purse, “no thanks. i’m just going to go to sleep.” 

“oh, ok.” heeseung’s tone drops, “see ya later then.” 

you’re too upset to respond as you smell a woman’s perfume come from heeseung’s bedroom when you walk past. your bedroom is like a safeway for you as you close the door, your back sliding against it as your knees give up from under you. the events from last night seem too much for your body to take. first with hana interrogating you about heeseung, finding out heeseung’s friends are assholes and then hearing heeseung, your best friend’s brother that you have a crush on, have sex with someone else in your shared apartment. it felt like the world was against you. 

you tiredly crawl around to slip on some sweatpants, throwing heeseung’s black and white flannel that you borrowed to the other side of your room that you stumbled on. when you crawl into your covers, ready for some sleep in your own bed you decide two things : 

you need to make some distance between heeseung and you and 

you’re never going to a bar again. 

the last few weeks of fall in your once sanctuary of a home, turned into an awkward hell. it was easy to distance yourself from heeseung at first from your hours at the library and his hours spent choreographing for the dance concert. the apartment was usually empty until late hours of the night, which were spent solely for sleep until you woke up and left quietly again in the morning. 

heeseung tried to speak to you at first, always asking if you wanted to watch a movie on the couch with him, or if you wanted another bowl of cereal. both things that you used to look forward to with heeseung, but had to turn down for the sake of your relationship with hana and heeseung. everytime you denied, you could see a deeper frown on heeseung’s face when he turned away. 

his efforts to speak quickly faded just as quickly as he was denied. your only conversation was swift hi’s and byes as you passed each other at the front door. when both of you were home, which was rare, both of you stayed in your rooms. 

you distracted yourself in your room with your studying, but hearing his laughter while he played video games with his friends echoing in the walls, only made you distracted with the thoughts of how much you missed his laugh and smile. but those thoughts were quickly fought with the fact that you should not miss your best friend’s brother’s laugh. 

after a tiring day of classes and a shift at the library, you didn’t expect to come home to a bunch of boys lounging around your apartment. you hang your coat at the front door as all of their eyes land on you. 

“hey, y/n!” heeseung’s cheery voice calls from the kitchen. 

“uh, hey.” you respond, a shy smile spreading on your face as you greet everyone. 

“these are my friends- jeongin, beomgyu and theo.” you smile as heeseung introduces them, all of them greeting in response politely. you try to pretend like hana didn’t show you pics of the Sigma Fidi members a few days ago so you know who exactly is sitting in your living room. 

“heeseung you didn’t tell us your roommate was so pretty!” the one with long black hair who you recognize as yang jeongin speaks, his eyes almost sparkling as he speaks. 

“yeah, you really are so pretty!” theo smiles at you. “isn’t she, hee?” 

with the dim kitchen light, you can still see a hint of pink hit heeseung’s face as he continues to pour juice in a cup. “um, yeah- of course.” you felt exposed standing in your own living room and you quickly wanted to get to your peaceful bedroom and away from this group forming. 

jeongin tsks at his best friend’s response, “c’mon heeseung, make it seem more meaningful than that!” 

heeseung stops pouring and looks up at you, taking in your pink cheeks of embarrassment and the cold, fall wind before quickly glancing back to his friends, “she’s really pretty.” 

“that’s it!” theo laughs tossing his head back to laugh at how embarrassed his friend looks. “if you’re gonna compliment someone, you gotta mean it.” 

the apartment goes silent as you try to decipher what you should do next. 

just as you’re about to beeline it to your bedroom after offering a quick goodnight, beomgyu speaks from his side of the couch, “oh and y/n!” 

you turn, forcing an awkward smile on your face, “yeah?” 

“thanks for letting me sleep over a few weeks ago.” his smile beams up at you. 

“you slept over?” you ask him, confusing covering your face at the news. 

“uh, yeah… the night jaehyuk had a party i came back here with chaeryeong and passed out.” 

“the night of jaehyuk’s party…” you speak out loud, trying to comprehend what you were hearing. 

“yeah, the night you went out with hana… i slept in your bed that night, that's why i was worried you didn’t come home.” heeseung speaks up from the kitchen. “i never got a chance to tell you i slept there… sorry.” 

“oh…” you place your hand on your head… so it wasn’t heeseung having sex in his bedroom that night- it was beomgyu, “no, it’s fine, yeah.” 

“are you okay?” jeongin asks you, a worried expression on his face. 

“yeah, i just- yeah i’m good- just a long day so i’m gonna go to bed.” 

“alright, it was nice meeting you!” theo waves to you, which is followed by the other three saying goodnight, too. 

in your bedroom you had to fight the urge to laugh. the amount of relief you had now that you learnt heeseung hasn’t fucked someone. it was laughable how worried you got for something that could’ve been easily avoided. if you had just gone into your bedroom that night you would’ve found heeseung awake in your bed, waiting for your return. the thought of heeseung laying in your bed makes you wonder what he thought of your room. if he liked the smell of your sheets or perfume. if he even paid attention to those details about you. 

the group of boys laughing in the living room makes you move from your bedroom door, suddenly extra ready for bed now that something that has been eating at you for weeks is finally cleared up. you crawl into bed, wondering if heeseung had put his head where yours is, and you wonder if it’s okay to think of your roommate this way. 

soon after, you decided that you can’t avoid heeseung forever, and honestly it was getting tiring trying to stay away from him. so, instead of heading to the library to study for hours after your last class of the day– you headed home. you could feel your cozy blanket on your body the more you got closer to your apartment. you imagined eating a bowl of ramen in bed before taking an afternoon nap as soon as you got home. 

the thought of heeseung being home not in your plan for the day as you assumed he would be at one of his many dance classes, or teaching his new choreography to the other dancers for the concert that was quickly approaching. you wonder what heeseung will say when he sees you home before him for once. you giggle to yourself when you try to imagine the look on his face. 

when you open your apartment door, you quickly realize that the afternoon you had planned was in fact, not happening. the tv was turned off as heeseung sat on the couch. the sunlight from the large window panning onto him as he sat with his back completely against the cushion. his head was tilted back, his brown hair shaggy on his head, desperately needing a haircut that you didn’t want. his brown, bambi eyes were closed and his mouth hung open. 

it only took a second for you to notice the rest of him, his body shaking and panting. your eyes glance down to where his hand was wrapped around his cock. the red tip oozing precum as heeseung continued to jerk himself off. your mouth opened, wanting to say something– anything, but you couldn’t. you knew this image of heeseung would forever be ingrained into your brain, but you can’t look away at how beautiful he looks, with each droplet of sweat catching on the sunlight. 

your body rests on the right side of your body, moving the door an inch– the perfect inch that makes the door squeak, causing heeseung’s eyes to fly open. when they meet you, they widen, curses flying out of his mouth. “oh y/n! fuck!” 

you turn your head, your hand covering your eyes, “sorry! sorry! i didn’t see anything!” you hear heeseung scrambling around, probably pulling his pants up and knocking things over in his surprised state. you felt your heart rate speed up, a feeling of anxiety taking over and you decide that you can’t take this right now and slam the front door after you. you’re practically running down the hallway of your apartment building, taking the stairs down instead of waiting for the slow elevator, needing to get away from this situation fast. because there’s just no way you just watched heeseung masturbate. 

this is definitely not normal for roommates. 

you head to the library and stay there until closing, trying to study and distract yourself from the image you saw earlier. but it seemed like every ten seconds, the thought of heeseung masturbating would pop into your head. 

it was the way that heeseung seemed to be so close to his climax, his low grunts frequent as soon as you stepped in the door. the light sheen of sweat covering his face as he focused on the pleasure he was giving himself. his chest moving erratically as he struggled to catch his breath. he looked gorgeous and overwhelmed at the same time, triggering something inside of you that you’ve never thought of before. 

the more you thought about heeseung masturbating, the more you could feel your panties getting wet. when it was closing time you could only sigh, thinking how now you have to walk home uncomfortably and how this wasn’t the first time heeseung had made your panties uncomfortably soaked. 

you didn’t know what would await you this time you came in the front door, but you were glad that it was dark and silent. no group of boys, no heeseung attempting to cook and no hana who had forgotten something at the apartment again. 

you lied in bed, wanting to go to sleep to forget this long day. but the uncomfortableness in your panties couldn’t go away. there was something swirling in the bottom of your stomach and you knew it was all because of heeseung. 

your hand naturally finds its way in your panties, gasping quietly when you feel just how wet you are. your fingers basically slip through and catch all of your juices. within a second your fingers are circulating your clit in small circles, imagining heeseung was in your bed again, but this time with you. you imagine that he’s whispering for you to cum for him, that he wants to see you cum. you try to imagine what he’d look like laying beside you, watching you pleasure yourself to the thought of him. 

but then it only takes a second for you to give up. the pleasure you’re seeking can only be satisfied with heeseung yourself. your eyes open and you groan out into your dark bedroom, frustrated with yourself and heeseung. you turn onto your side, eyes closing again, but this time for sleep, just wanting to forget this whole day happened. 

you don’t think you were asleep for long when you woke up to a bump. you lay there, trying to listen for another and then you hear your bedroom door open and a whisper of your name. “are you awake?” 

your roll over, eyes squinting as you look up to find heeseung standing at your bedroom door, “yeah. you woke me up.” 

“oh i’m so sorry,” heeseung pouts at you, you hear the slur in his voice when he speaks louder and you catch the way he’s holding onto the door knob tightly. 

“it’s fine– are you alright?” you ask him, sitting up on your elbows now as you take in his composure. 

“mm-yeah. i was just- i’m really sorry- about what happened, uh earlier. and i just-.” 

“it’s fine heeseung, if it's bothering you then we can talk about it in the morning.” you tell him, putting a smile on your face. 

“well, okay, but i, i was wondering if i could sleep with you, in here. i just, yeah.” 

“you want to sleep in my bed with me?” you ask him confused. 

“yeah, i went out with beomgyu and jeongin and i told them and they laughed at me so i drank a lot and now, now i just want to lay with you.” 

you take a deep breath before pulling the corner of your blanket over, “come on.” 

“really?” heeseung asks excitedly. 

you smile at his reaction, “yes, come on, i’m tired.” 

within a second heeseung was lying beside you. there was only an inch of space between your warm bodies. it only took another second for heeseung to roll over and lay his arm over your stomach. he exhales into your neck before he speaks, “i’m so, so sorry for earlier, and for now since im so wasted.” 

you laugh silently, causing his body to bounce from your movements “it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” 

another beat of silence passes between you and you wonder if he’s fallen asleep until he speaks again, “will you play with my hair this time?”

“this time?” 

“yeah, when i was laying on your lap i saw that you were about to, but then you stopped.” 

“i thought you were asleep for that.” 

you feel heeseung smile against your ribcage, “well i was, but i was awake for that part. why’d you stop?”

you shift under him, not knowing how to feel about his observation, “well, because we’re roommates, and i don’t know if roommates play with each other’s hair when they’re supposed to be sleeping.” you flick his forehead playfully. 

“we’re more than just roommates.” heeseung replies, a slight slur onto his words as his lips are meshed against your body. 

“are we?” 

“yeah.” 

you sigh, knowing that you really won’t be able to sleep now, but you need to know, “then what are we?” 

your bedroom goes silent again, but you know heeseung isn’t asleep. his fingers are tracing tapping onto your side and you want to ask him what song is stuck in his head this time, you wonder if it's the song he’s choreographing for the dance concert. 

“i don’t know, but it’s more than roommates.” he finally answers, gulping loudly after he speaks. 

you decide you’ve heard enough for the night then and turn around in his arms so your back is turned to him. he only takes a second for you to get comfortable before he’s tightening his grip on your waist and pulling you into his chest. you can feel his heartbeat slowing on your back and you know the alcohol has finally taken over and he’s passed out. 

the final thought your mind gives before your own slumber takes over is that you hope heeseung sleeps in your bed again. 

when you wake up again, the sun is pouring onto your face and your bed is cold and empty. you sigh and sit up, glancing around your room. when your eyes land on your clock you jolt out of bed, realizing that you’re going to be late to class. 

you scurry around your room, picking up heeseung’s flannel that you threw across the room a few weeks ago and throwing it over your tank top. in a flash, you’re out of your shared apartment and running to your class, hoping to not miss something important. 

like usual, you’re headed to the library to study after your long class. thankfully, your professor only gave you a stern look when you walked into class late. you managed to not think about heeseung until your phone started vibrating on the table underneath your textbook. 

“hello?’ you speak into the phone. 

“hey, where are you right now?” heeseung asks you, his voice no longer slurring like the night before. 

“at the library.” 

“right, i could’ve guessed that.”

“hey!” you whine playfully with a pout that he couldn’t see. 

his sweet laughter echoes through the line, “well, i think you should pack up now anyways.” 

“what, why?” 

suddenly your textbook is being slammed shut and lifted up. you drop your phone to your lap, ready to reprimand the person who’s stealing your textbook. but stop when you see heeseung’s cheesy grin looking down at you, “because we’re going home, c’mon.” heeseung turns with your textbook, leaving you to scramble once again and shove the rest of your things into your bag, catching up to him quickly.

before you leave, you catch the librarian giving heeseung a detached expression as she watches him walk out of the library and you gulp, remembering that he and his friends were the ones to disturb it only a year ago. 

when you entered your shared apartment, heeseung finally handed you your textbook back after threatening to throw it if you didn’t hurry up the entire jog home. you’re about to give him a snarky thank you, but stop when you realize the living room is filled with the scent of your favourite food. 

“chinese food?” you question, your eyes landing on the food on the coffee table, plates and chopsticks laid out as well. the couch has pillows and blankets, and the candles that were covered in dust are now lit. “what’s all this?” your eyes are filled with amusement as heeseung takes off your coat for you and hangs it up. 

heeseung shrugs, “i just thought we could have dinner and a movie together, like we used to.” there’s a shy smile on his face as he avoids your eye contact. 

“that actually sounds great.” 

heeseung grabs your wrist, “then c’mon, let’s eat.” 

heeseung sits in his usual place on the couch, lifting the blanket for you to sit down beside him and you start to dig in. he puts on Howl’s Moving Castle quietly and leans back into the couch cushion. it would feel like a normal night between you and your roommate, one that you used to look forward to after a long day of classes, but now, both of you can tell that there’s a heavy burden in the silence between you. 

thankfully, heeseung is the one to break it, “look y/n, i’m going to be honest–,” you finish your last bite food and look over at him, his face curled up with anxiety before he continues, “i did all this as some sort of apology for how things have been these past couple of weeks. and for what happened yesterday.” 

you sigh, “don’t worry about yesterday, i know you didn’t think i would be home because well, i haven’t been properly home in weeks, and that’s my fault.” you shift uncomfortably in your usual comfortable place on the couch and decide to let out what has been weighing you down for weeks. “it’s just- can i ask you something, heeseung?” 

“of course,” heeseung bites the inside of his cheek out of nervousness, “anything.”

“was it you and your friends that destroyed the library last year?” 

“what?” heeseung’s face contorts in confusion. 

“well you know, the Sigma Fidi guys, did they really destroy the library?” 

heeseung laughs suddenly and it makes you whip your head to look at him. anger washes over you as your roommate laughs at you, and you cover your body with your arms, huffing as you let him laugh. “what’re you talking about, y/n? you really think i, or jeongin or even theo! could destroy a library? why would we even do that?” 

“w-well, it was just, hana-.” you stammer out, feeling awful now that you’ve literally accused heeseung and his friends of a crime. 

heeseung laughs again at the mention of his sister, “hana told you that it was the Sigma Fidi guys who destroyed it?” he rolls his eyes at your confirmation nod, “hana always gets the frat’s names mixed up! it wasn’t us who destroyed the library, it was the Sigma Drakos who did it! all the guys born in 2000!” 

“oh my god!” you slap your hand on your forehead as you sit back on the couch cushion. all these weeks of worrying that the guy you had a crush on destroyed your favourite place– just because your best friend can’t remember the name of a frat! you laugh with heeseung now, both of you now realizing how appalling the accusation was. “i’m so sorry!” 

heeseung waves it off, “it’s fine– is that why you’ve been avoiding me? because you thought I destroyed the library? because i really would never do that. especially since i know how precious the library is to you.” 

“well, that’s part of it.” the smile falls from your face as you find twirling your fingers together more interesting. 

“what’s the other part?” 

you gulp at heeseung’s question, not even mentally preparing yourself for your next words before you speak, “i thought- at first– that you had sex with some girl and i heard it, but then it turns out that it was beomgyu! but that set me off because i didn’t think i should be so worried about my best friend’s brother having sex with another girl…” 

your apartment goes silent as joe hisaishi plays in the background. both of you stare off at Howl jumps off with Sophie. you wonder if heeseung will say anything, or if it’s his turn to avoid you for months now. with each burning second of silence, your calm facade begins to fade and your true interior of anxiety starts to shine through. your leg starts bouncing quickly, trying to relieve some of the anxious tension filling your body. could you deal with heeseung avoiding you for months? could you still live in this apartment if he moved out tomorrow? could you manage to see his pretty smile on campus? 

“is that i’ll ever be to you? your best friend’s brother and your roommate?” heeseung finally asks quietly, interrupting Howl’s current dialogue. your leg stops bouncing as he speaks, wanting to hear every word of his perfectly. 

“what do you mean?” you ask warily, not understanding what he wanted to hear. the truth of your real feelings for him? or the safety net of that there’s nothing between you two, just normal roommates?

“i mean,” heeseung sighs and brushes his bangs out of his face, “i mean, i want more than just catching a glimpse of you out the door everyday. i want more than whatever’s been going on recently. i don’t care if you’re friends with hana or not, i just want more of you.” 

the silence between you two continues as you process his words. your relationship with his sister means nothing to him. and you wonder if it should mean nothing to you too when you thought of your relationship with heeseung. maybe it would be okay to be more than just normal roommates with him after all. 

“alright.” you give finally. 

“alright?” heeseung questions you. 

“alright we can go back to the way we were, we can see more of each other.” 

“really?” heeseung sits up from the couch. with your nod, he’s suddenly jumping from one side of the couch to the other, throwing his arms around you. you laugh as you wrap your own arms around him, allowing yourself to be surrounded with his warmth with no worries for the first time. he only held on tighter when he realized you hugged him back. “i’m so glad! i missed you so much! and– oh,” heeseung retracts his body from your own, his hands gripping your shoulders as he looks at you, “one more thing.” 

“what is it?’ you grumble out. 

“we’re having a party this friday.” 

“what?” you jerk back from him, making his hands go limp in his lap. “why?” 

“because exams will be over then! so we should celebrate!” heeseung speaks with an obvious tone. 

you cross your hands over your chest, “is this why you got me chinese food? so i’d be more agreeable to having a party this week?” 

heeseung’s hand scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “well, no, but kinda.” you give him an unimpressed look. “so… yeah? we’ll have a party? please?” 

you give in when he pouts at you, “fine.” and then you’re pulled into a bone crushing hug as he thanks you for ‘being the best roommate ever’. 

“is this my flannel?” heeseung asks in your ear. 

“um, yeah?” 

heeseung only laughs melodically, not letting you go. 

both of you go to bed when Howl’s Moving Castle is over. properly saying goodnight to each other for the first time in months. while you lay down, you wonder how the party will go this weekend. you wonder how hana will react to seeing how close you and heeseung really are. you wonder if she’ll notice that you have feelings for her older brother. 

you try to push those thoughts away as you try to fall asleep for the night, and replace them with the memories you made tonight with heeseung. 

friday night came fast. 

you spent all week studying and then taking your exams, which you think went well. heeseung spent his afternoons practicing for the dance concert, but always made it home early enough to eat dinner and watch a movie with you. it was nice to see him so much again. the bond between you felt closer and tighter than ever before. and the fire in your heart only grew stronger for him. 

little touches of each other grew into subtle hand holding during movies under blankets. his head always seemed to fall into your lap after he was done eating. soft compliments of each other were more frequently exchanged than not, always causing a pink dash to spread across your cheeks. it would’ve felt perfect if there wasn’t that nagging feeling in the back of your head that hana wouldn’t like this. 

hana was in fact invited to the party that you and heeseung were holding. alongside the rest of the Sigma Fidi boys and their friends, and their friends and their friends. you were worried that your small apartment wouldn’t be able to hold everyone. but, even though winter was finally here, and outside was beginning to look like a sheet of white cloth, people went out on your balcony, chatting like everyone else. 

by the time the party was in full swing, you were already feeling drunk. before everyone showed up, you and heeseung took a few shots together. you had to, because when heeseung stepped out of his bedroom, dressed in a nice silk button up, you knew you would be dead meat for the rest of the night. you also couldn’t ignore the way heeseung’s eyes wouldn’t shy away from trailing up your bare legs from the dress you borrowed from hana tonight. 

theo, beomgyu and jeongin didn’t shy away from complimenting you tonight either, like they ever do. but they were definitely more sober than you, and having fun watching you drunkenly talk about the library, living with heeseung and how you miss living with hana. 

“you talking about me?” hana suddenly asks as she appears and sits beside you, jay following her. 

“no, never.” you playfully grin at her, laughing when she gently nudges you. the rest of the boys start greeting jay, who they apparently haven’t seen much of since he’s moved in with hana. “i’m going to get another drink.” you tell hana beside you. 

“i’ll come with you,” jeongin says from across the coffee, you smile and give your hand out, letting him hold onto it to follow you into the kitchen. jeongin and you speak about nothing but everything while you pour each other drinks. he’s funny, and he’s good looking, and you’ve never noticed it before. the dim lights you and heeseung put up around the apartment make jeongin’s eye’s sparkle every time he drunkenly laughs. “do you want to go dance?” you don’t say no when he asks. 

you’re in the middle of your living room, dancing with people who you assume are friends with either heeseung or hana, and jeongin’s grip is tight on your waist. you’re both laughing as you continue to jump around close to each other. you think his cologne smells a lot like heeseung’s. you felt jeongin’s hands slide from your waist to your ass, pulling you closer to his chest and you both continued to dance. 

the music starts to fade out once you realize how close you are to jeongin, and focus on his movement and his laughter that doesn’t seem to stop. you’re both unaware of the envious eyes watching both of you. 

suddenly, jeongin is being pulled away from you, and you stumble a bit to catch yourself since you were leaning so much of your weight onto him. 

“what the hell?” jeongin turns angrily, but stops when he sees that it’s heeseung, “oh, hey. what’s up?”

heeseung shrugs, “i think y/n’s drank too much tonight.” 

“what? no i haven’t!” you speak up with a whine. 

“you only ever dance when you’re wasted.” heeseung points out, and it makes you mentally drunk-check yourself. heeseung pats jeongin on the back, “plus it’s almost 3 so i think it’s time everyone heads out.” you don’t hear what jeongin’s reply is as you turn and look for hana. she’s sitting where you left her not too long ago, but on top of jay now. 

your eyes squint when the apartment’s lights are flicked on and the music shuts off. everyone groans before heeseung’s voice cuts through, saying that it’s been fun, but they gotta go. you wave bye to the people that you recognize. hugging jeongin when he walks past, laughing when he twirls you around, oblivious to heeseung’s eye roll. 

“at least you seemed to have fun.” heeseung’s voice rings out behind you as you shut the door. 

you turn and see your roommate leaned up against the kitchen island, arms crossed over his chest with a displeased look on his face. 

“yeah, i did. and so what?” you huff at him, starting to head straight for your bedroom, “sorry you hate seeing me have fun.” 

heeseung’s hand reaches out and grabs your wrist, stopping you from moving forward, “y/n.” your name sounds so desperate coming from him. “sorry, i didn’t mean it like that- i’m, i’m just–.” 

“just what, heeseung?” you rip your wrist out of his grip. “why can’t i dance with jeongin? and why’d you have to tell everyone i drank too much, why do you even care how much i drink?” 

heeseung’s face drops and it makes you scoff, turning around again to head to your room, “y/n!” heeseung reaches forward, so both of his hands are on each of your shoulder, forcing you to look at him, “please, just let me talk for a second.” 

you sigh, but give into his bambi coloured eyes, “fine.” 

heeseung lets out a breath, “i- i care, because i like you. i like you a lot.” a small gasp leaves your mouth at his confession, “i like that you’re shy when it comes to physical touch, i like that you’d make yourself blind just to finish an assignment– i like how passionate you are about libraries and books and writings! i like, everything about you.” 

your heart started beating at heeseung’s words, a rush of emotions washes over you as you stand before him. his confession has taken you completely by surprise. you had never thought lee heeseung would have actual feelings for you– his little sister’s best friend, and his roommate. 

you felt your cheeks turn pink as you looked into his serious, genuine eyes. you force yourself to respond to him, “heeseung, i didn’t know you felt this way. i wasn’t expecting this at all.” you hear heeseung gulp as his hands start to loosen on your arms. “but, i care about you, heeseung. more than i can put into words. i like you, heeseung. more than you’ll ever truly know.” 

heeseung’s face instantly lit up with your words, his beautiful smile taking up his entire face. “y/n, you seriously mean so much to me, and i, i want to be more than just your stupid roommate.” 

“hee, i want that, too.” 

heeseung removes his hands from your arms and carefully place them on your cheeks, cradling your face, bringing your faces closer to each other. you swallow harshly as your lips brush together for the first time. you instantly feel the connection you thought you had just been imaging soar through your veins. 

time seemed slow in that exact moment. it was just you and heeseung, kissing each other. kissing the only other person who truly understands you and never judges you. the kiss symbolized just the beginning of your relationship with heeseung. 

when you pull away, you watch the adoration fade from heeseung’s eyes, and is replaced by deep lust. the alcohol had finally hit him, and now you could tell he was feeling the same emotions you were. you were needy, desperate and wanted to feel him inside of you so bad. 

with no hesitation, heeseung picks you up, making you squeal out his name as he takes you to your bedroom. he plops you down into your sapphire sheets, making your body bounce slightly on the mattress. 

“god, you have no idea how bad i’ve wanted- needed this,” heeseung says, ripping his silk shirt over his head and tossing it on the ground. 

“oh, i bet i do.” you tell him honestly, knowing that you’ve wanted him since the first day he stepped foot into your apartment. 

heeseung chuckles and smashed his lips onto yours, slipping his tongue so easily into your mouth to explore. your tongues mesh together, heeseung’s hips grinding into yours. 

“why did you never do anything about it if you needed it so bad?” you ask him curiously, his lips trailing down your neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin. heeseung groans into it, his hands rushing up to cup your cheeks again as he looks into your eyes. 

“i didn’t know you wanted it, too. thought you’d always just see me as your roommate or something,” heeseung admits, leaning down to kiss you again. your lips feel swollen from all the kissing, but you could care less, as long as it was because of heeseung. 

“i do want it- i have wanted it.” 

heeseung shakes his head at in you in disbelief, “i’m gonna fuck you so good, y/n.” 

“please, hee, i want it so bad.” you don’t care if you sound desperate, because you are– and so is heeseung. he smashes his lips against yours once more, this time the kiss is just as despeate and needy as you are. his fingers start to pull down the top of your dress, revealing your breasts. 

you can’t stop your head from falling back as heeseung sucks your nipple into his mouth. his tongue starts circling and prodding your nipples. you let a small whine fall past your lips as you glance down at the man. you let your hands trace down his bare back, finally able to touch his skin after months of being teased by it. 

“hee,” his nickname is so soft coming from your lips. he’s always loved hearing you say his nickname, but hearing it as he pleasures you was something he thought he could have only ever dreamed of. 

“such pretty tits,” he mumbles as he presses one last kiss to your nipple before he’s grabbing a handful of your thighs and flipping you over onto your stomach. you squeal out his name at the sudden, forced movement. heeseung pushes up your dress so it bunches at your hips, and pulls your soaked panties to the side. “you sure you want to do this, y/n?” 

you gasp out, “yes, heeseung, please.” 

with your confirmation, heeseung pushes his finger into your wet folds. you both groan at the feeling. you’re so soft and warm and he can’t believe how fucking wet you are. you helplessly whine into your bedroom, your grip on your sheets tightens as he slowly starts to move his middle finger in and out of you. 

“fuck, baby, you’re so tight.” heeseung graosnas his vision is completely taken over by the sight of his finger disappearing into your squishy walls. he wonders when was the last time you’ve been fucked, he’s never seen you with any other guy– or girl. but your pussy is so tight, he conjectured if his cock would fit or not. 

heeseung’s fingers are much more long and slender than your own, letting him reach places you’ve never been able to when you think about him late at night. he slips in a second finger alongside his middle finger, and they both start to massage the pad of your gspot. you slowly feel yourself start to reach your peak so you slip your own hand down to your clit. 

heeseung groans at your actions, watching both of your hands work to make yourself feel so good. he feels himself get harder as your cries increase in volume. both of your hands are moving in sync, your hips are bucking up for more. heeseung wants to see you cum all over his fingers so bad. 

“hee, fuck– so close.” 

when heeseung slips in a third finger you know you’re about to cum any second, and so does heeseung. he feels your walls get even tighter some how and start to pulsate around his fingers. he can’t take his eyes off of the scene in front of him. your fingers wet from rubbing such fast, small circles over your clit. and your juices slipping down his hand from his three fingers fucking inside of you. 

“c’mon baby, cum for me– i wanna see my good girl cum for me.” heeseung coaxes you to an orgasm. your eyes lock together as you hit your high. your body stills as your pussy starts to uncontrollably flutter around his fingers. your cries are mixed with his name, and soft grunts of praise from heeseung. 

heeseung slows his pace to let you breathe from your climax. he carefully slips his fingers out of you, and you wince as your pussy tries to flail against nothing now, so spread open from his fingers. 

you watch as heeseung insert his fingers into his mouth, watching to catch all your juices. his eyes close at your taste, his tongue pressing all over his fingers. 

“heeseung,” you whine from you position on the bed. 

he pops out his fingers as he looks at you, “what, baby?’ 

“please, fuck me. want your cock inside me.”

heeseung bites his lip as he leans over top of you, “you sure you can handle that when you’re already so fucked out?” 

“yes, heeseung, i can, please.” 

heeseung laughs at you, his hand coming down to brush his thumb over your swollen lips, “you’re so polite, baby. how could i say no to you?” 

you relax back onto the bed as you let heeseung pull down your dress and panties and toss them onto the floor. your bare body makes heeseung shiver at your beauty and he can’t take his eyes off of you as he starts to take off his own pants. 

heeseung’s hard, swollen cock springs up and hits his stomach. you can’t help but marvel at it as you take it in. it’s definitely the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen. the small veins that traces up his length to his red tip. drops of precum were already falling down his shaft, and it only made you want him inside of you more. 

“uh,” heeseung suddenly sounds nervous as he looks at you, “do you have a condom?” you shake your head no, “shit, beomgyu took my last ones.” 

you sit up, “that’s ok, i mean. we’re both clean right?” 

“yeah, i am.” 

“and you can pull out?” you tease him gently. 

heeseung rolls his eyes but smiles, “yes, y/n, i can pull out.” 

you try to contain your excitement as heeseung crawls on top of you. you position your legs so they’re encircling his waist. he slowly rolls his hips forward, so the tip of his cock slides in between your pussy lips. 

“fuck,” you let out quietly as his cocks slides so easily between your walls, filling you right up. your breathing is already staggered from the intrusion. you’re fighting for your eyes to stay on heeseung’s as the pleasure already feels too much. 

you manage to watch as heeseung’s teeth are gritting against themselves and his eyebrows are knitted together. he tries to steady himself to ease you into the stretch his cock is giving you. but its hard when you’re so warm and soft, your walls feel like velvet to him. 

when your whines start to pick up, so does heeseung’s pace. your perked nipples are rubbing against his chest with the motion of his hips and the bed. 

“you feel so big, hee, i love it so much.” you tell him genuinely. heeseung leans his head down to press his lips into yours. you try to kiss him back as best as you could. 

your lips are wet and swollen when he pulls away, “your pussy’s gripping me so tight, baby, never wanna pull out.” his cock is hitting your g spot everytime, and you can only loosely smile at him in response. 

heeseung seems to understand you anyways, and starts thrusting into you faster. a loud moan escapes your lips and it mixes with the wet, squelching noises. 

“fuck, listen to how wet you are.” heeseung tells you, his own eyes rolling to the back of his head. “f-feels, so good, baby.” 

your head is thrown deep into your mattress, feeling no control over the rest of your body as you let heeseung pleasure you. “i-i know.” you tell him honestly and breathlessly. 

“wanted this for so long, and now this pussy’s mine, right baby?” his voice comes out in grunts as he matches his thrusts to his words. 

you nod loosely, “all yours, hee. just yours.” your voice sounds nothing like it usually does, and it makes heeseung’s cock grow bigger inside of her. the thought that only him and his cock can make you so drunk turns him on so fucking much. 

both of you can feel how sticky and wet it is where your bodies meet, and it only makes you lust after each other and your highs more. you’re both sweating and can see it drip down his line of abs that you want to lick so badly. they’re strong and prominent from dancing and you can’t help but reach out and drag your fingers down them lightly– so different from how hard and fast he is pounding into you. 

heeseung’s grunts ring in your ear, and you mewl out to him to keep going. 

“yeah? you like how i fuck you, baby? like how my cock streches you out?” 

you nod eagerly, knowing he understands just how you’re feeling. you moan with every thrust he gives you, whines that only edge heeseung to fuck you faster. he wants to hear every moan you’re able to give. 

“s-so big,” is all you can tell him. 

“yeah, think you can feel me in your stomach?” heeseung asks you, moving his hand from your thigh to press down on your lower abdomen. “feel me right there, baby?” 

you cry out his name at the pressure. your hand moves to grip his wrist, “fuck me harder like that, please. i s- so close. please.” you beg him, tasting the climax on your tongue at this point. 

heeseung’s hand lands on her throat, choking her as he starts to use all his force to fuck into you. your body is jolting the bed back and forth as heeseung pounds into you. your whines turn into sobs as you feel your orgasm hit you. your body stills and your lack of oxygen makes your head feel fuzzy as heeseung continues to fuck yu through your orgasm. 

“that’s it, cum on my cock like a good girl.” his voice is in your ear, praising you for squeezing your wet walls around him so good. 

when your orgasm starts to fade and you enter a fuzzy state with your pupils blown out, all you can think of is how badly you want heeseung’s cum. so, with hooded eyes you wrap your arm around his neck so he can look right into your eyes. 

“please cum inside of me, hee. wanna feel your cum so bad.” you whine out to him, lips pouted just begging for him to kiss them. heeseung grunts before he does just that. smashing your lips together as he continues his thrusts of pounding into you. 

“a-are you sure you want me to cum inside?” his voice is breathless when he speaks. he’s too focused on how your pussy is even wetter from your orgasm, and how he could  just slip out any second. 

“yes, hee, please. want you to make me pregant.” you speak before you could even think properly, “want you to fuck a baby inside of me.” 

“h-holy shit.” heesung sputters out, surprised by how turned on your words got him. he never knew he had a breeding kink– and well, neither did you until now. “you drive me so fucking crazy, baby.” your whimpers and moans encourage heeseung to continue. he swears he’s never been so turned on in his life. “g-gonna get your tummy so full, and swollen.”

heeseung’s pace doesn’t let up until he reaches his peak. his hips still as he releases his cum inside of you, his body practically laying ontop of you as you make out. you feel his warm cum fill you up. you continue to makeout until you feel heeseung’s cock completely soften. 

heeseung’s careful to pull out of you, not wanting to overstimulate you. even though he’s gentle, you still squirm as your pussy readjusts to not having his cock inside of you. both of you watch with eager, hooded eyes as his white, cum drains out of you and onto your thighs, making them more of a mess. 

“jesus christ that’s so hot,” heeseung mumbles to himself, choosing to ignore the twitch of his dick at the sight. you giggle at him as you relax back into your sapphire sheets. “i’ll buy you plan b in the morning, i swear.” 

you shrug against your mattress, “i mean it wouldn’t be the worse thing to have your baby.” heeseung stops pulling on his boxers as he looks at you with eyes. “sorry,” you cringe, “i think that was the orgasm bliss talking.” 

heeseung chuckles and leans back over your body from where he stands, “i wanna have a baby with you y/n, but maybe lets wait until we’ve dated for more than an hour.” 

“oh, so we’re dating now?” you tease him, wiggling your eyebrows. 

“uh, i mean, if you, if you want to. you can say no, but i uh,” 

“heeseung,” you place your hand over his mouth, “shut up. yes i’ll date you.” 

heeseung rips your hand off of his mouth and jumps onto you, pressing his lips to yours quickly out of excitement. he starts to press random kisses all over your face and neck, listening to your laughs to tell him to stop, but he doesn’t of course. 

“i’m so happy.” he tells your seriously. 

“me, too.” you smile, but then wince when you try to move your leg. 

“shit, stay here, i’m gonna get something to clean your legs.” heeseung presses a kiss into your temple as he flies out your bedroom door and to your shared bathroom to wet a cloth. 

without the boy in your bed, you easily fall asleep on your mattress. no worries on your shoulders for once as your breathing calms down. you drift off before heeseung can even come back. but, you know he will be. 

the morning sun filtered through the curtains and onto your sleeping bodies wrapped in your sapphire sheets. you realize that your once naked body was no buttoned up in the black and white flannel you stole from heeseung all those months ago when he first moved in. 

heeseung’s arm was wrapped around your core, pulling you into his chest as he continued to sleep. you watch him for a while, not believing that he was finally more than a roommate to you, more than, uh oh, your best friend’s older brother. suddenly, you’re filled with anxiety as you watch the peaceful boy sleep. 

as if he could somehow sense your shift in mood, heeseung’s bambi eyes open and look at you. a soft smile on his lips once he realizes that you’re also awake and still wrapped in his arms. but, his smile drops when he catches the worry that is covering your face. 

“what did we do last night?” you ask him, your eyes search his for help. 

heeseung sighs, his morning voice comes out deep in your ear as he speaks, “nothing wrong, y/n.” his hand comes up and brushes your disshelved hair out of your face, “i like you, and you like me. you don’t regret it do you?” 

you shake your head against your pillow, “no, i don’t regret anything about it or you.” you admit to him, trying to hide the shy smile that plays on your lips for a second, “but what are we going to tell hana, she’s going to be so mad at me.” 

suddenly, just as the sleep was finally leaving your body, your bedroom door bursts open, and lee hana stood there, her arms crossed over her chest. 

“shit,” heeseung grumbled as he looked at his sister. 

“well, well, well, look who’s all cozy in y/n’s bed.” hana’s voice is loud like usual as she speaks. 

“hana!” you sit up on your elbows, “this isn’t what it looks like, i mean-.” 

hana’s laugh cuts you off, “relax y/n. jay and i totally fell asleep in heeseung’s bed last night and i think i heard your little… adventure.” she winks at you, “i knew you two would hit it off eventually.” 

“what were you guys doing in my bed?” heeseung asks, but his question goes unanswered. 

“hana, i, i can’t believe this.” 

hana chuckles and leaned against the doorframe, “well i did warn you that heeseung would be a catch since he’s exactly like me.” she says with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “now, i think you guys are gonna have to resign the lease together before it’s up.”

you and heeseung exchange amused glances, the thought obviously appealing to you. your worries that have been on your mind since the day you met heeseung have now finally, finally faded as hana accepts your relationship. the relationship hana somehow knew would happen before you did. it seemed like your life was taking an unexpected but perfect turn as you laughed and teased hana to go back to her own apartment for once. 

you smile at heeseung, happy that he’s no longer just your roommate, or your best friend’s hot older brother, but he’s your boyfriend. you’re soulmate. your connection, grown through late movie nights, chinese takeout and stupid misunderstandings is strong, and wonderful. 

and you’re so glad that lee hana moved out. 

@ taeghi, 2023. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

stay safe everyone :)

[heich0e]

suna's parents divorced when he was eight.

he doesn't remember a lot of the finer details as he's gotten older, mostly just that there used to be a lot of yelling, but he does remember the two piles of belongings that stacked up in the empty living room of his childhood home: one consisting of his father's and his own, and the other comprised of his mother's and his little sister's. their entire life, their entire family, packed up into cardboard and then divided down the middle.

the apartment he moved into with his father was always too quiet. it was in aichi, far enough away from where he spent the first decade of his life that he didn't have to be reminded of it every time he left the house, but since his father worked so much it still left him with plenty of time to think. to grieve. though maybe he didn't recognize it as that at the time. he played video games his father bought for him after school. ate convenience store bentos or whatever leftovers were set aside for him in the fridge for dinner. he put himself to bed at night. it wasn't a bad life, though maybe a bit lonely.

he was scouted to play for inarizaki when he was 14.

the lonely apartment turned into a lively dorm. he had new friends (his teammates) to play video games with. his convenience store bentos were replaced with hot meals from the meal hall. the loneliness of the apartment in aichi was a distant memory, but still lingered.

"i'm home."

rintarou drops his training bag in the genkan as he toes off his shoes, calling into the apartment to announce his return.

"welcome home!" you call back from further in the apartment, and the sound makes him smirk a little to himself.

you've been coming over to his place a lot lately, ever since he gave you his spare key. he's not upset about this in the slightest, but it doesn't mean he won't take every possible opportunity to tease you for it. he plans how he's going to make fun of you as he pads into his home towards the sound of your voice. he almost has it all planned out—his delivery on the very tip of his tongue—when he falters to a stop.

"how was your day?" you ask him without looking up from what you're doing.

and suddenly, anything rintarou may have wanted to say—joke or otherwise—is beyond him.

he watches as you set a plate of food down on the already full table just off his little kitchen. the food that covers the surface is still hot enough that steam curls up into the air above it, its preparation perfectly timed to his arrival home. his apartment is warm, and smells good, and there's music playing from your cellphone on the other side of the room that you must have been listening to while you cooked.

his chest feels tight.

you turn to look at him when he doesn't respond to your question.

"rin?" you ask again, a lilt of worry in your tone. "you okay?"

"what's all this?" he manages to ask, nodding towards the table where the meal you prepared is still waiting.

"oh, i've been craving my mom's recipe for the past few days, i just thought i'd make it for dinner," you say, tugging at your fingers nervously. your entire countenance is a bit different now, strained like you're worried you've done something wrong. "hope that's okay?" your words lift at the end like a question.

rintarou's never seen so much food on his table. can't remember the last time he even sat there to eat a meal—let alone a home cooked one. his face feels hot, and his eyes sting, and he just can't bring himself to look at you.

"yeah," he says, and if you notice how his voice is a bit croaky, you're nice enough not to tease him about it. "'course it's okay."

you smile, and you look relieved. "wash your hands then, it's getting cold."

you eat your dinner together and talk about your days. you take a shower while he cleans up the dishes. you fall asleep tangled up together on the couch with a movie playing in the background.

his home isn't quiet anymore. he isn't lonely.

and it's thanks to you.

[lani-heart]

|| series masterlist || next // previously ||

genre(s) -> angst, fluff, non-idol, hybrid au, poly au paring(s) -> ( eventually ) ATEEZ x reader warning(s) -> mention of harm words -> 1.1k

abstract -> healing takes time...

y/n's perspective

“I want to dye my hair too!” Wooyoung now begged seeing Yeosang with a new haircut and Seonghwa with blonde hair. “We should dye our hair the same color!” he offered to San, who only gave him a weak smile until Wooyoung turned back to me when San shook his head no. 

“y/n! Tell Wooyoung to stay away from my stuff!” Yeosang yelled as he now came over with products used up and left open from what I assumed to be Wooyoung. 

“Just learn to share” he grinned and the doberman scoffed. 

“Where’s the tigers?” San asked and I wondered that too. “Seonghwa is currently throwing things outside the door while yelling at Hongjoong,” Yeosang said and I was left confused. We all walked over to see Hong Jong standing in front of his room where the door was open… socks, clothes, and trash were being thrown out of the room and at the orange tiger. 

“It’s not that bad Seonghwa, you’re being dramatic,” Hongjoong said and was met with a can of what used to be soda at his head. “Then why is this place a mess!” Seonghwa yelled as we leaned in to see him lint rolling the floor… and occasionally throwing things.  

“y/n… this is why I asked if I could get my own room” he begged and Seonghwa scoffed. “Please, by all means, move me somewhere else! I don’t wanna clean after your pile of dirty clothes!” he yelled. 

“Copy Tiger!” Wooyoung said while teasing Hongjoong. “I want a lock in my room” Yeosnag suggested and I laughed. “You do have a lock…” I said and he shook his head. “A new one… Wooyoung broke it and there's no key to go in if I leave it locked” he explained. 

“How about you and Seonghwa share rooms?” San offered and Yeosnag scoffed. “Honestly, I’d prefer the snobby dog over Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said still cleaning. 

“Hmm… maybe then Wooyoung wouldn’t come barging in,” Yeosang muttered. “Hey!” Wooyoung yelled. “angel, i'm fine with the tiger moving into my room” Yeosang said and I was shocked at the sudden request… “Are you sure? There's still an extra room?” I asked and he shook his head. 

He pulled me aside from the other three staring inside the room Soenghwa was cleaning. 

“Seonghwa and I share a lot of products anyway… and I already have him use up my clothes and the same with me. Wooyoung wouldn’t steal from Seonghwa without getting scolded. He’s the oldest and would just retaliate by making him clean the fridge or dishes by himself” he explained and I chuckled. 

Protection of the oldest hybrid here… you were unsure but trusted his suggestion.

“Well… if that’s what you want?”

I was shocked that Seonghwa moved in the same day.

I was busy all day with San and writing my book when I went out for dinner to see Seonghwa scolding Wooyoung. “Sorry hyung…  won’t do it again” he apologized while I saw Yeosnag grin from the kitchen island.

“Your plan worked?” I asked and he nodded. “Seonghwa is making him clean out the freezer as punishment for touching his magazines” he explained and I chuckled.

“So he’s completely moved in?” I asked and he nodded. “He even cleaned, wanna see?” he asked and he led me to their room where I saw… an organized and clean room. I knew Seonghwa was clean but they both had made beds and a clean decoration in their room that fit their expensive taste. Even the stuff they share, they’ve organized.

“And if any of them do come to rob us, they’ll get to Seonghwa’s stuff first since he’s closest to the door,” Yeosang explained and I chuckled. “As long as you get along… I didn’t think you’d ever room with him because of your arguments?” I asked and he shrugged. 

“Doesn’t mean we don’t see eye-to-eye”

I knocked on Hongjoong’s door with a plate of food when he opened it. “Ah dinner already?” he asked and I nodded. “Done moving your stuff around?” I asked and he nodded. He lets me in where I see he’s completely replaced Soenghwa with instruments and his computer. 

“At peace finally!” he exclaimed. 

“Is this what you expected when you asked me for your own room?” I asked and he nodded. “Seonghwa as much as he doesn’t get along with Yeosang are menaces together. So they’ll be perfect roommates and even Wooyoung and San are clingy to each other” he explained and I agreed. 

“I’m making an appointment for San and Wooyoung to dye their hair… Do you want to?” I asked and he thought about it. “Hmm… what would I dye it to?” he asked and I shrugged. 

“Seonghwa recommended blonde for his white tiger fur, and Yeosnag stuck with his normal hair since it blends with his fur” I explained and he nodded. 

“Hmm… do you think two hair colors would look good?”

“Why would you copy me?”Hongjoong complained while looking at Wooyoung. He decided to color part of his hair blonde while dyeing his other hair a darker brown than before. San only held my hand as we waited for the elevator to reach my apartment. 

He only trimmed and styled it… it was no longer as messy as before and made him look more mature. While Hongjoong did half his hair blonde and the other black… with Wooyoung copying him a bit. 

“If anyone was gonna match I thought it was gonna be San and Wooyoung '' Seonghwa teased and Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t that look cute” Yeosang added and I laughed. 

“I think they both look good,” I said and Hongjoong offered me a smile whilst Wooyoung showed off his new hair cut. 

“It’s almost like a new look for you and Wooyoung for your first anniversary with me” I teased and he chuckled. “I kinda like the sound of that San said and I smiled.

“What do you guys wanna do?” I asked and he hummed in though. “Oh! I wanna go out to eat in a fancy restaurant!” Wooyoung said and San nods agreeing.

“Theres nothing special about it” Yeosnag said and Woyoung stuck his tongue out. “Says the one who went there more than a grocery store!” he argued. 

“Ooh! And we need a lot of desserts to celebrate!” Wooyoung now told me hugging me. “What flavor do you want San?” he asked the panther. “Chocolate!” he said with a grin. 

“Anything you guys want”

@wonuangel @danirael @angelsaway @krissroo @minkysmilk @mayonnaise-on-toast @robertsbbygirl @superbbananananana @hyukssunflower @kitty4hwa @justconniez @senpai-of-doom @kibs-and-bits @caityelise99 @ilovekinny @ateezennie23 @wooahaelemons @purplelady85 @watamotee33@chidess97 @littlelostdemonofthelight @maliamaiden @burntarm1n @spooo00oky @eastleighsblog @momo-peachy @kitstar1117 @quartzpirate @sunnyhokyu @iwishiwasrichasfuck @theginger543210 @pandolinka @ddaeing @kpopnightingale @slid3er @kekdo-520 @puppyminnnie @sparklinghwa222 @calicanbeevil @itsvxlentine @atinism @loumin908 @smally97 @rxnexxi @acetruepunk @majesticbeluga @namjooncrabs @tashizxy @itstheghostofmypast @smilefordongil @teeziny @totallynotlyntv @kyeos4ng @prodsh00ky @acescavern

please don't be a silent reader !! reblog, comment, and like <3

[slayfics]

Muichiro’s Mansion

Muichiro x Reader series

Muichiro finally lightens up around you, but just a bit.

Chapter 6

The next day you made sure to write Mitsuri a thank you letter. You weren’t sure what they talked about after you ran into the forest but ever since her visit Muichiro had been kinder during training. Every training session he made sure to give you at least one compliment on something you did well that day. And you weren’t sure if it was your imagination or not, but he seemed to be looking at you differently as well. Maybe he was just analyzing your moves more because he also felt the need to compliment you instead of just criticize.

Whatever it was, you were grateful for it. Training seemed to be going much smoother and the tense feelings in the mansion had lightened. Muichiro even started eating some meals with you, as well and began to take a liking to your cooking.

“This is good, thank you.” He said sitting across the table from you.

“You’re welcome, I'm glad you like it.” You said smiling from the praise. “Will training begin at the usual time tomorrow?”

“No. I must have forgotten to tell you. I will be out on a mission tomorrow. I should return shortly. In the event that I am gone for a few days, would you please feed the plants.”

“Umm the plants Master Tokito?” You asked confused. You had never seen or tended to any plants in the mansion before.

“Yes those.” He pointed over to a corner. “Oh...” he exclaimed, seeing a pile of dead leaves in a pot. “Hm.. I must have forgotten about them for a while now.”

You let out a giggle. “I can attempt to nurse them back to health or pick out some new ones If you’d like.” You offered.

“Yes thank you, but remember to train every day while I am away.”

“Of course.” You responded.

Just then a crow came through and dropped a letter by you.  

“Oh a letter from Mitsuri.” Muichiro said, recognizing her crow.

Mitsuri’s crow looked up at you and then at Muichiro and seemed to smile before flying off.

“Hm. You better see what she needs.” Muichiro said looking from the dropped letter to you.

“Oh umm... I’ll read it later. I'm sure it's nothing important.” You said and set the letter aside. You wanted to avoid reading the letter next to Muichiro since you had been talking to Mitsuri about him, and she had a tendency to gossip a lot about boys, specifically Obanai.  

“Hmm.” Muichiro said pensively, staring back at the letter.

“If you’re done I can clean up.” You said starting to grab empty plates off the table hoping to bring attention away from the letter.

“I’ll help you.” Muichiro offered.

His offer shocked you. This was the first time he had ever offered to help clean up. You began to bring empty plates into the kitchen, and when you walked back to grab the last of the dishes you noticed Muichiro staring blankly at the letter.

“Is everything ok?” You asked.

“Oh yes. I was just wondering what you two might be talking about, and if I'm mentioned in that letter.” He said, tilting his head. Muichiro's bluntness shocked you.

“Oh just silly stuff, nothing serious.” You said waving your hand in the air trying to brush off the subject again, but you felt your cheeks betraying you by getting warm.  

“Hm I suppose it’s none of my business. Well, I'll be off to bed then and leaving early in the morning.”

“Be safe.” You said.

“There is no need to worry about me.” He said and placed his hand on top of your head. Then walked off to his room.

Hu.. He's never touched you unless it was during training before. You looked back at the letter and hid it in your uniform quickly before it came up again.  

*Whispers* When Muichiro was staring at the letter it was because he was contemplating opening and reading it before you came back in. Which as a Hashira he was more than capable of doing sneakily. However, he decided against it not wanting to intrude on your privacy. 

[x-press-it]

Just so you know I'm still working on things.

Hey guys. I've been quiet these last few days because I'm wrestling with chapter 7 of Devilish Desires and some IRL stuff but I have other things brewing in that hyperactive head of mine. So here is a sneak peek on some of my current WiP, just for you.

This is from 'Sleepwalker' an exbf!Logan story I have in a corner of my head.

TW: Angst, angst, angst and angst. A freaking load of it ^^"

You’re in the middle of laughing at some joke your friend just cracked, the whole group lost in the easy rhythm of pre-class banter, when that question comes out of nowhere. “Hey… do you know that guy?” You don’t think much of it at first. New York’s full of people. Probably just some random dude. But as you follow her gaze, you see him standing there, still as a statue, half in shadow, and your breath catches hard in your throat. Logan. He’s a little out of place, a wolf among sheep, leaning against a lamppost across the street, one boot scuffing the sidewalk like he’s only half here and half ready to bolt. He’s got that look—a mix of cautious and bold, like he’s done something reckless but couldn’t stay away even if he wanted to. The hairs of his sideburns look a little longer, unruly, as if sleep has been eluding him. His hands are jammed deep into his pockets, and his broad shoulders hunch slightly beneath that leather jacket you once loved. Your friends are still watching, some of them raising their brows, but you can’t tear your eyes away from him. He looks right at you, expression unreadable, like he’s trying to gauge how much he’s messed up—or maybe just how much of you he’s already lost.

Here is another one:

You take a steadying breath, squeezing your eyes shut as if, even for a moment, you could block him out and erase the ache that has gnawed at you since he ended your relationship. But even now, after all this time, just seeing him makes it flare back to life—sharp and unforgiving, just like the day he pushed you away. “I’m sorry, Lo,” you murmur, the nickname slipping out before you can stop it. It sounds too soft, too familiar, like a taste of something that’s long since soured. “But I can’t. I can’t do this right now with you… or ever, if that matters to you.” You watch him swallow, his face tightening as if the words hit him like a physical blow. His shoulders tense, his hand twitching at his side, but he doesn’t move. He just stands there, taking in the force of everything you can’t help but throw at him. “You broke me, Logan. When you broke us? You broke me.”

Damn there is so many good parts I want to share with you from this one. 😭

Ok, one last.

You drag yourself out of bed, the weight of every sleepless minute pressing down on you. You take a quick shower, throw on whatever clothes you can find, and grab something fast—a granola bar, some coffee—anything to get you through your first lecture. Heading out, you stop by the lobby mailbox on autopilot, hoping for anything remotely good. But no, it’s just the usual: bills, a scam flyer, some random restaurant menu with dishes you either don’t like or can’t eat. Perfect. What a fantastic way to start the day, you think sarcastically. Then, as you pull the stack out of the box, something catches your eye—a slim, worn book hidden beneath the pile of junk mail. Your breath hitches when you recognize it. Your book. The one you’d always rambled about to Logan, about how much it meant to you. The one you thought you’d lost when you left the mansion. He must have kept it, all this time. You flip through the pages, and there, in Logan’s rough handwriting, you spot scribbled notes in the margins, his thoughts on passages he liked, tiny underlined quotes. His handwriting’s a little hard to make out at first, but you find bits of him in every note: parts where he’s marked his favorite lines, left small 'miss yous,' 'wish I could go backs,' and quiet confessions scrawled between the paragraphs. Each one punches you a little harder in the chest, dredging up old wounds and things you thought you’d buried.

I can't 😭 Why am I doing this to them 😭

Ok, ok, I know what I said. But one last, just for the road, because I really, really love how this part turned out:

“This is how it’s gonna be now?” Your voice trembles with anger. “You’re gonna lurk around, tailing me all day? Stalking me?” Logan’s gaze sharpens, his eyes flicking from you to the cigarette again, and without warning, he reaches for it. You smack his hand away, hard. It’s pointless, he’s solid as a wall and twice as strong, but the defiance feels good. You take a slow, deliberate drag, never breaking eye contact as you blow the smoke directly toward him. “I’m not yours anymore, bub,” you say, voice laced with venom. “You don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do.” A muscle in his jaw ticks, and he steps forward, closer than before, his scent—familiar and maddening—sweeping over you. There’s a moment, the briefest second, where his expression flickers, like he wants to say something, something that might matter. But it’s gone, replaced by that stony mask he’s worn since he let you go. “You’re right,” he says instead, voice rough. “You’re not mine. Not anymore. But I’m not here to watch you waste yourself either.” You laugh, a hollow, bitter sound. “Oh, so this is what, then? You swoop in, like the hero you are, to fix me now that I’m broken?” He flinches, a glimmer of pain crossing his face, but you don’t let it soften you. He made his choice, after all, and you’re not about to make this easier on him. You take one last drag, burning the cigarette down nearly to the filter before crushing it beneath your foot. The smoke mingles with the cold morning air, and you fix him with a sharp, cutting stare. “You know what? You want to stick around? Good.” Your voice is a blade, each word slicing through the tension between you. “Now you get to see how much you broke me. Take a good look, go on, lover boy. Do you like it? Do you like what you did? I bet you're real proud of your work!” The words pour out, raw and unfiltered, each one fueled by the ache he left behind. You can’t hold back the tears; they spill over, hot against your cold cheeks, your voice cracking under the weight of everything he put you through. Right here, standing in front of him, you feel like you’re unraveling. The thought of going to class, sitting through hours of lectures like nothing happened, feels impossible.

The angst 😭🖤 I love it and hate it at the same time.

'Sleepwalker', ladies and gentlemen.

Save the tag, because it should be the next thing I'll work on. And it should be a oneshot. For now it's rated 🖤❤️‍🔥🌹(which means Angst, Smut, Fluff. In that order) The trope is Lovers to Enemies to Lovers.

I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I'm going to enjoy writing it through my tears. 🤣

If you want to get tagged when I'll post it, just say so in the comments, I'll add your name to the list 😉

Have an amazing day and see you around! 💖

[chevvy-ryder]

WIP WHENEVER

got taggeg by @ouroboros-hideout. Always a big thanks <3

So, I hopefully go back into taking some pics later, as my pile of exisiting pics I can post nears to zero. But I've have a writing muse since the past three days and it's a little hard to stop it.

So today/tonight I'm going to share some new words i wrote, of course of my main ship Ryder and Thyjs as I do write both.

This is a part where they are already together for a bit and venture further into making out bit by bit.

This is the start of the chapter, where I reused some early oneshot-like text I wrote when I decided for Ryder's fragrance he uses and now I found a way to integrate it into a chapter with them:

Ryder just lit himself a cigarette and empties the last drop of good hop and malt when Thyjs comes back from bringing empty dishes into the kitchen. He places himself right next to Ryder, quickly borrows his cigarette from his mouth, takes a puff and hands it back while Ry puts the bottle onto the table. He leans back and places his right arm around his partner who leans his head onto his shoulder.  “Any wishes on what to watch?” Ry asks him as he inhales the menthol. “Nee. Just zap through.” “Gut.” Ry proceeds to bend forward, so he could drop the ash into the tray, then places the ciggy back to his mouth and grabs the remote control for his big tv screen and just zaps through the programs until they find something that was interesting enough to watch for both. 

They kept watching a documentary about the fourth Corporate War for quite a bit until Thyjs moves for a more comfortable position leaning against Ry and it’s when his nose picks up his partner’s strong perfume scent again that makes him raise his voice after a long while of silence between them. “You know, I realized a while ago, that your perfume has some light yasmine notes.”  At first Ryder blinks a few times with a rather doe look in his so ever intimidating eyes. He didn’t expect that now. “Y-you smelled the different notes of my perfume — when?” He stutters a little, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.  “Every time.” De Wit smirks a bit, his hands slowly stroking up and down his partner’s arm. Ry clears his throat but then asks in a slightly sassy tone as he turns towards him. “Okay, what else do I smell of, hmm? Can’t be only a flower.” And don’t say menthol, he thinks further to himself, lighting another cigarette.  Thyjs can see he’s more than curious about it. He leans forward. “Wait, I’m going to tell you.” Within an eye blink he is super close to him, eyes shut taking in his partner’s scent.

Thyjs had sensed it all: first the green fresh top notes like bergamot, gardenia and artemisia, then the heart notes started distracting him — sandalwood, vetiver and the most mystic of all: patchouli. Not too much but enough to have Thyjs start to think about different things than just chilling next to Ryder. But once when only the base notes were left as it's settled on Ryder's skin for a while, like now, the strong leather woody ember fragrance left eventually comes through, that starts to fuck a little too much with Thyjs' head as he always has Ryder in this godverdomme hot leather harness on mind he saw him wearing once when he went to a rave and Thyjs chose to stay at home, while they were just friends.  “I don’t think I can smell all of it, I’m no expert and it appears to be complex, but the base is really sharp and woody like a thick forest coated by recent rain.” Ryder has to smirk in response because this is exactly why he uses it. Furthermore, Thyjs adds, “But it also comes fully packed with musk and leather.” It causes Ry to shortly look up somewhere else, as he releases some smoke in the air and tries to reminisce about his own perfume he sprays onto himself each day. “I noticed it must be a very powerful, masculine one I would even dare to say is made for corporates only, but we both know you don’t like that much.”

“True.”  “Hoe dan ook, I think it smells very timeless and classy. Suits you well.” Scharfenberg is truly impressed by what a fine nose his boyfriend has and he likes it. “Any more exciting words than just it’s a classic?” Ry wants to know further. He’s really hooked by Thyjs’ description and totally aware that his perfume is not unlike any ordinary perfume. He knows it adds a certain seductiveness to him, making him appear mystic overall. “It makes you smell as sweet as jasmine in the morning but also as spicy as cinnamon as the day goes on with a drop of fresh citrus flavor.” “I like that.” A smirk steals on Ry’s dark lips as he takes another puff of his cigarette. “And it somehow coats you in an entire mysticism, maybe because of the patchouli that unfolds as you are wearing it through the day and a touch of myrrhe adds onto it. And I think I’ve never smelled a perfume that’s so enduring with such excellence.” “Now you start to flatter me,” Ry lets him know after an extended exhale of smoke that shortly cloaked both in a little cloud. “I have to admit, it makes me not only a little crazy for you,” Thyjs confesses while Ry proceeds to stub out his cigarette. "Oh, does it?” He leans back, his gaze fixed on his soldier boy. It’s a look that is able to undress him.  Thyjs gives him a heavy nod, followed by a short “Yes, Sir!” as he is looking intently at the pair of glowing eyes gazing at him so intently, that it makes him bite his bottom lip. “And it is such a sweet temptation I can’t withstand to taste.”

I really love their dynamic. And it's funny to me that Thyjs talks A LOT when he's alone with Ry only. Going to leave out the middle part bc I wanna keep this for when the time comes (which will take like forever and I already see myself adding more and more) as this chapter is faaaar away from the current ones (I have to do CH02 next …) But I also like to share the part of the closing scene:

Ryder gives him another forehead kiss and pushes him softly out of the shower. “Ich bitte darum!” He speaks with a strong tone and turns off the water. “But for now let’s find some rest, hm?” Again Thyjs just nods. He sees a smirk stealing on Ry’s lips. “What else is on your mind?” “The TV is still running. Figured you should go turn it off since you were the last one downstairs. I’ll wait in bed for you to come cuddle.” “On my way, Sir!” Thyjs replies and before Ryder can answer anything to it, he’s gone leaving only a few water droplets in the air Ryder now watches falling down. He lets out a laugh. “Sandevistan — of course.” So much for that he would wait for him in the bed as he already knows it’s Thyjs who will be waiting for him instead, when he leaves the bathroom.

Along the way writing Thyjs I started to like that sometimes he uses his fast ability also in normal life situations. I think it's funny when you tell him something to do and he's like okay and just vanishes to go after it and well, does it a lot faster than you expect it bc people like Ryder living a live without Sandevistan don't think about that this ability can speed up some processes where it is not exactly necessary to wait (I mean he could not boil food faster using Sandevistan, but he could prepare the stuff needed for it faster - stuff like that).

—

tagging the usual folks I guess:

@gloryride, @astarionhistears, @streetkid-named-desire, @dreamskug, @fereldanwench, @aggravateddurian, @kdval, @elvenbeard, @kittenchrissy, @therealnightcity, @shivsghost and @rosapexa + anyone seeing this. no pressure ofc! <3

[lovelykil]

「 Scars 」

kyle x reader older ver.

cw; self harm scars, depression

cw; I initially didn't want to write (or post this) since it's so corny to me, but I actually struggle with depression and sh and stuff I won't get much into it but,, this is mainly for comfort to anyone else who struggles as well :-(

"And when we graduate we can go move in together and start our life in clean and fresh new bought home, maybe even.. bake some cookies the first day in?"

"I love new house smells"

"I know you do." I sheepishly smiled and took a small sip of my chocolate milk then let it rest on my nightstand. I sat up into my pillows, moving my legs around to get comfortable. Kyle moved his hands away and looked over at me.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, his voice filled with concern. I looked at him then my legs, I shook my head lightly.

"No I was just getting comfortable.." I hesitated, my eyes darting away from the various scars to my bare skin. He hummed, placing back my legs onto his lap where he would continue to caress his thumb along my scars while looking away.

I watched as he studied my room, his eyes moving to the dirty floor where clothes laid and stacks of dirty dishes piled up, missing assignments scattered around the ground and my backpack hung open on a chair with more clothes set on it.

I grew embarrassed, feeling uncomfortable again. This wasn't the first time I've felt like this anytime he came over.

I hate when he comes over to my house, I love going over to his since it's clean and tidy and takes my mind off that I'm a complete wreck and a total shit show because of the way I live.

My legs find their way to my chest where I held them close to me, suddenly I felt emotional.

"Why are you with me?" I croaked, looking away from him.

"What?"

"Why are you still with me? You absolutely hate germs and my room is just full of it, it's disgusting but I just can't seem to get myself to clean it all up. Plus.. I barely have any motivation to do anything I feel like I'm just.. dragging you down Kyle.. Why do you even bother with me anymore?"

As I went on, I felt my eyes burn with familiar tears. My sunken swelled eyes closed tightly to prevent the tears from falling but I quickly wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffled just to realize I failed.

Kyle didn't say much, he stared at me perplexed. He's green caring eyes fell onto the many scars on my body then up to my face.

"We can always clean your room together if you want, I don't mind it.. really." I raised my head up to see his small smile with his head tilted to the side a little. Those eyes of his showed nothing but sincerity and love and to that I bit my lip down to try not to cry more.

"Also, I love you sweetheart I know you're struggling and I just want to help you. I'm always going to be here when you need me and if you need your alone time I'll respect that. I just want you to get better love."

"I'm trying Ky, I am.."

"I know you are Y/n, I can see it." I felt the warmth of his hand on my own as his thumb graced against my knuckles softly. His other hand neared close to my cheek and held it. My cheeks grew warm and a sad smile appeared on my weary face.

After so many arguments, me lashing out on him, ignoring him for hours, almost breaking up with him due to how bad I was getting, he still remained by my side, and tried to help me when no one else was. I know it must've been so hard for him during some days where I would completely ignore his existence and rot in my bed all day but I'm so glad he's still here with me.

He's the reason why I threw away my razor blades and started using just rubber bands whenever I felt the need to hurt myself. It's a small change but he said baby steps is still good and good for achieving my goal to which is getting better.

I love him dearly, to much where I think I don't even deserve him.

"Hey Kyle," I whispered, looking at him. He hummed, his right hand reaching toward my face. I placed both of my hands ontop of his, sinking into his touch, I've never felt so safe and happy with a person.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him, my eyes staring back into his. His brows rose from shock, he looked taken back. But within seconds he leaned in to kiss my cheek and place a light kiss to my forehead.

"You're welcome." His lips formed a kind smile back at me when he pulled away to reply back.

I messed with his curls, feeling the strains wrap around my finger then letting it coil back up when I let go.

"Can we nap? I feel tired." I covered the incoming yawn with my hand and sighed softly. Kyle nodded, leaning into kiss my head again then began to take off his jacket.

I settled into my bed, pulling the sheets over my body soon he came in to join me right next to me. He cuddled up near me as we both smiled and giggled to each other.

"How about tomorrow we start cleaning, it's friday?" The ginger suggested as his hand landed on my face once again. I thought for a moment, making a few faces but nodding my head in agreement.

"okay"

"yeah?"

"yeah."

He smiled once again, that smile that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.. the smile I remember that made me fall I love with him before we ever started dating.

I smiled myself but hid it away into his neck, putting my arm under his to hold him close to me. The way he smelt always brought me joy and made me feel at home too in a way.

But he was my home.

He's the only home I ever felt happy in.

Funny how a person could feel or be like a home.

I felt his slender hands hold me back, growing comfortable in his spot with me onto him. He began to run his fingers up and down my back from beneath my shirt then scratched it ever so lightly.

I placed a few kisses to his bare neck before closing my eyes to fall asleep.

"i.. love you." I muttered right before my eyes shut.

I could feel him sudden stop, freezing in the moment I could imagine his eyes open wide from just 3 words. Those 3 words I only used so rarely..

The way I felt his heart race within those few seconds of silence as our bodies were so close to one another melted my heart.

"i love you too." He whispered back, continuing to run his fingers against my back.

[greenrazberrysoda]

Taking What's Not Yours

pairing : leo valdez x jason grace

word count : 574

tags : angst, hurt no comfort, dead jason grace, grief/mourning, references to depression, post-the burning maze, leo valdez-centric

!! notice !! : this fic was written on november 11th, 2023; it was originally posted on what's now my main but i have no idea if you can transfer posts from a primary to an alt,,,, sooo,,,,

cross posted from ao3

~~~~~~~

Ever since Leo heard the news, he stopped bothering to tend to what had to be done. Everything feels duller, like the world’s been sucked of its saturation; nothing but the lifeless husk of earth, the crumbling shed of snakeskin. 

Leo stumbled over a pile of clothes he hadn’t bothered to pick up and crawled into his bed, pulling the covers over his chin. The scent of Jason on his pillow was fading, but he still remembered when he came over and they would sit next to each other and talk for hours, heart-to-heart. Leo wished he had told Jason his true feelings then, when he had the chance. 

Leo was the only one in the cabin. His half-siblings stopped trying to comfort him a while ago, stopped taking him to their bunk activities. The stab in his chest seemed to brush off any shows of affection, and all their attempts of condolence felt more like pity, which Leo didn’t need any more of: “ You must feel terrible. What a shame. I feel sorry for you.”  

He knew people were there for him. He knew many people who were in the same boat as him. But he didn’t feel like getting better. He wasn’t ready to move on. It felt as though he never would. 

Leo studied his nightstand, cluttered with items and knickknacks. Those were always there—he always lived in some sort of chaos only he could navigate. A tiny ring blue dish he made in Arts and Crafts sat atop a dusty Song of Achilles book. Piper had recommended the book a while back, though he had lost interest after a few pages, as he did with most books. He wondered how Piper was doing. 

Reaching out a hand, Leo fished out a silver ring with stars engraved in the metal. He didn’t wear rings until Jason gave him a few of his own as a part of his Christmas gift, in which he wore almost every day from then on. Leo slid it onto his middle finger—proof of Jason’s existence, a captive soldier on his fingers deep behind enemy lines. 

Leo had many trinkets from Jason; a gold zippo lighter with thunderbolts and clouds etched into the sides, a pocket book on constellations. The list continued. So many things he had brought but never took. 

He looked out the window above his bed. The sun had long set by now, dipped into the horizon. Normally Leo liked moonlit nights like these, stars waltzing across the sky. But it felt strangely empty now. If he were to call out Jason’s name, he would have been met with no answer. The only other person to respond would be his echo. 

Leo wondered. He wondered of what could’ve happened. He wondered if he could’ve saved Jason. Maybe if he had held on a little tighter or if he had just been honest with him in the first place. Maybe it would’ve worked out. Maybe Jason would’ve still wriggled from his grasp. 

A heavy sigh escaped his lips. He fluttered his eyes shut and did what he did best, he avoided his feelings. He escaped from the scene. Maybe in his unconscious, he’ll find Jason again. Maybe he’ll get to hold him one last time. Leo knows it won’t be the same, but he’s got a sick and twisted imagination. 

It’s the closest he’ll ever get, anyways. 

~~~~~~~

a/n : hope u enjoyed !! ^_^ i snuck in some lyrics from songs in who really cares :)) this album is my roman empire rn and i felt like i had to write about it

[angel-shaw]

Genevieve/Sweetheart castle audios

HI! This is my first fic for Castle Audios! It was supposed to be smut but it turned out to be hurt comfort XD. 

Tags!!!: @dollscircus @wolf-sweetheart

Word count: 3633

CW/TW’s: light descriptions of past fights, light description of wounds, charters being distressed about another chariter being hurt 

Description: Evie taking care of Knight after they got hurt in a fight, knight being insecure, sweet comfort. 

Enjoy!!

���Sweetheart? Are you still sleeping?” Genevieve called softly into their shared room, not wanting to wake the person inside if they were in fact sleeping. But that proved to not matter.

“No, I haven't been sleeping for like… twenty minutes.” Their horse voice answered.

Evie opened the door more with her hip and flicked on the small lamp by the door, a warm yellow filling the room. She saw her lover sitting on the bed, the IV attached to their arm preventing them from getting up. They didn't look good, their eyes tired and bandages covering their wounds a dark red from when they had been bleeding more heavily. But it was a lot better than it had been a few days prior. Evie shivered at the thought of her lover when she had regained consciousness in the woods, she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. They were safe now, they were with her. 

Evie smiled and stepped in, closing the door and walking up to them, “ Sorry I couldn't be here sooner, I thought you would be hungry for something other than fast food so I tried my hand at that one dish you said you liked but I burnt like all of it so Claire gave me a hand,” she laughed as she placed the tupperware on the bed side table.

“Oh Evie… thank you. You didn't have to do that i know how the recipe can be-”

“Ahah! None of that, I wanted to do it for you. You aren't feeling well and I know how stressful being cooped up is for you so I'm going to do all I can for you.”  

She bent down, pushing stray strands of hair out of their face before kissing them. She could feel them smile into the kiss, leaning forward to kiss her more. Their hand came up to tangle into her hair.

When she felt the string of the IV she pulled back slowly, making sure not to pull on it. As she pulled back she could feel her knight try to follow her, trying to continue the kiss.

“Hey now, you gotta eat silly,” She laughed at the pout on their face. 

“But I want more kisses,” they giggled as they tried to resume kissing her. 

“I will be happy to give you more kisses but you really need to eat something sweetheart, it's been days since you’ve had any real food and I can tell it's taking its toll,” Genevieve said softly, hand cupping their face as she leaned in to plant a soft kiss on their nose.

They grumbled but made an effort to sit up more, the pile of blankets along with the IV and bandages making it a lot harder than they expected. When Genevieve noticed that they were getting upset as they struggled to just sit up she put her hands under their arms and lifted them lightly with her still new strength. She moved the pillows so they could sit comfortably.

“There we go!” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to their forehead, “comfy?”

They looked up at her with nothing but love in their eyes, and nodded with a small smile on their face. 

Evie smiled, “good, now you eat and i'll get new bandages and the stuff to clean up the blood.” 

She could tell they wanted to protest but they didn't, probably because they knew how much she hated seeing them covered in blood, especially their own. So they just nodded and accepted the warm food she had brought them. 

She placed another kiss on their forehead before going to get the stuff, they enjoyed the delish warm meal she had taken the time to make for them. It made their insides warm, not just from the warmness of it, but from the care their girlfriend, their mate, put into it. It differently wasn't the best but she had put the time and care into it, so to them it was the best thing they had ever had. Plus they hadn't been able to eat proper food so again, the best food ever at the moment. 

They watched Evie walk around the small room, gathering what she would need to change the bandages. She walked back and placed the items down, smiling at them. 

“Do you like it?” she asked, the worry on her face clear.

They nodded, holding back the wince from the slight shot of pain it caused. “Its amazing baby, thank you”

The worry on their girlfriends face washed away, a bright smile replacing it. “Oh I'm so glad!” she leaned down and kissed their forehead, “I know it's not the best but-”

They interrupted her, “Nope none of that baby, it's perfect and exactly what i needed, it means so much to me baby, thank you.”

It made their smile wider when they saw a very slight blush creep up her face. Even though she was a vampire, that didnt mean she couldn't blush, it just took a bit more, something they were happy to find out.

Once they finished eating, Genevieve to the container and set it off to the side. She then sat on the edge of the bed, putting her hand over theirs. They smiled at her, she smiled back. It felt almost normal, as though they weren't injured or hooked up to an IV.

“We gotta change them,” She said softly, not wanting to disturb the moment but knowing she had to.

They nodded, “Where do you wanna look first?” 

They were smirking, trying to lighten up the mood. They knew that she didn't want to be the one changing the bandages, but she knew they didn't want or trust many others to do it. Clare, maybe Beth, perhaps a few others but they felt most comfortable with her. They appreciated her stepping out of her comfort zone to help them stay as close to theirs as possible, so they would do what they could to make it better for her. 

Evie smiled and rolled her eyes, smacking their arm playfully. “How about your legs? From what I saw…They were less injured then your….” She trailed off.

“Hey, it's ok.” They said, rubbing her upper arm. “Ya we can start with my legs, i'm good with that.” 

She took a deep, centering breath, “Alright, let's do this,” she said, smiling again. 

They nodded, smiling back at her. Pushing the blankets off of their legs, stretching a bit. 

“Do you want me to get the bandages off? I can take care of my legs, so you could just see how to do it.”

“But-”

“Baby, I can do this, plus you're here to help. I know you can do it but I can tell your nervous, let me help, please.”

She could hear the desperation laced in their voice, and she knew there was another reason they wanted to help. Genevieve took another deep breath, nodding.

 “Ok, but only one. You show me how on one and I do the other. I'm not letting you hurt yourself more just to help me with my aversion to blood, got it?” 

They nodded, silently thanking her for understanding what they couldn't say out loud.

They decided to work on their right leg, figuring it would be easier. They slowly unwrapped the cloth, wincing slightly as it pulled at the dried scabs. Evie had them take a break removing the bandages so they wouldn't get hasty, she helped them clean the part they had already removed.

After that, they continued to peel off the bandages with Evie helping to clean it. Their legs were not too injured but it was still bad, hence them not being allowed to walk around or putting weight on their legs yet. 

The two of them talked as they switched legs, despite her saying that they could only do one, she let them pull the bandage off of it too. The talk was light, mostly Genevieve telling them what the others had been up to, Beth and her mates shenanigans, how Claire and the ranger had been at each other's throats and how she thought they might have kissed. 

When they finished cleaning and re-bangieding both of their legs, she moved to their chest at their request. 

“It's kinda hard to breathe, It's probably just bandages being as hard as they are now.” They had said.

She of course didnt mind and didnt need a reason, but by now she knew they felt they had to give one for why they wanted something. They were working on that.  

As she slowly unwrapped the cloth she cut it occasionally to make it easier. Dropping the blooded clothes into the trash. She repositioned them so she was behind them, taking care of the wounds there first. 

“I was so scared…” She said quietly.

They stirred a little, instinctively trying to turn to see her before cringing at the sharp pains coming from their chest and back.  

“Careful!” She scolded, placing her hands on their shoulders, “I mean it sweetheart.”

“I know, I'm sorry,” They said softly. “And i'm sorry for scaring you, but i did everything i could” 

Genevieve sighed and went back to cleaning and disinfecting the deep wounds, “I know you did, and I know you were protecting me. There wasn't anything either one of us could have done to stop those guys… What were they again?” 

“Bear shifters.” They said coldly, still enraged by the two shifters' actions.   

“Right…bear shifters. But I was so scared when I came to and saw you on the ground…i thought…i..”

“Hay,” They said, placing their hands on her thighs that were on either side of them, “I know..you don't have to say it baby. I'm sorry I was so reckless,but I didn't have a choice, they were trying to hurt us, hurt you.”

They could hear Evie sniffle behind them.

“Baby…”

“I'm ok, I just wish I could have done something. I'm supposed to be stronger and faster, but I just went down. And you got so hurt.”

“I'm alright, see?” They squeezed her thighs, “I'm right here, I'm alright. A little useless right now but ultimately ok, and you're ok.”

It was minor but Genevieve heard the bitterness and self loathing when they said ‘useless’. 

“Hay, no. You are useless sweetheart,” She said pausing cleaning to put one of her hands over theirs, “You saved me, and now you just need some help but that's ok”

“I couldn't even sit up without your help eves, I'd say that's pretty damn useless.” They said it with a smile and a laugh in their voice but she knew.

“Sweetheart. You are not useless in any way, you just need help right now.  That's ok, please don't beat yourself up over it.”

“No! No it's not ok, I'm supposed to�� be able to keep you safe and i can't do that when i cant move. You never should have gotten into that fight. I should have been able to stop it or get you away from it before you got hurt….but i failed. I wasn't able to keep you safe Eve…” As they talked their voice softened, falling to a near whisper.

“Oh sweetheart,”  Genevieve's voice was soft, not pitying but caring and full of concern.

She pulled her partner back, so they were resting on her chest,head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms gently around their waist, making sure not to touch the wounds. They were crying now, trying to stop the tears running down their face. 

Evie rocked them gently side to side as they cried.

“Shhhh, it's ok now baby. I'm safe, you saved me. I'm ok because of you, it's ok. Let it out there you go,’’ she comforted them quietly.

They held their arms around hers, gripping her tightly as they rocked with her. The two of them stayed there, rocking gently for a while. Once Genevieve noticed they had calmed down and were taking deeper breaths, she stopped rocking.

“Sweetheart?”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you.”

“It's ok, I forgive you and i'm not mad at all, i know you didn't mean to baby.”

“I just…got so overwhelmed. I hate not being able to do simple things by myself. I hate it even more when that means the people I care about have to do them instead.”

“I know sweetheart, but you're not a burden. I'm happy to take care of you, just like you would me. We all need help sometimes, even with the little stuff.”

“Thank you, I really am sorry for yelling. Are your ears ok? I know they are a lot more sensitive,” They asked, turning their head to look at her.

“Mhm,” She looked at them too,” They are fine, now how about we finish up cleaning these wounds and bandaging them, then I can see if there is any way we can get you out of bed for a bit, sound good?”

They smiled while sitting up. 

“Ya. sounds good.”

Evie smiled and kissed the back of their neck, they giggled. 

“Good”

Once Genevieve had finished with the bandages she moved off the bed. She kissed them before going out to see if they were cleared to get the IV removed. When she came back in, she brought Clare and a healer.

“Alrighty, I know we weren't able to heal you all the way yet, but we should be able to either tomorrow or the day after. Even better news is that you're all clear to get the IV removed, which I can do now for you.” The healer said, smiling.

They nodded and watched as the healer removed the IV.

“Now,” She continued, “You do have to make sure to drink plenty of water and fluids. I also want you to try and not walk around too much, I know you must want to but your legs weren't a priority when you got healed initially so they are still sore and you should be careful with straining them. You also need to eat a good amount, I already went over good things for you to have with Claire here,” She motioned to claire. “Other than the other basics like don't strain yourself too much, no heavy lifting, ect. You should be good to go!” 

“Amazing, I'll think we've got it from here,” Clare said, mosining for the healer to follow her out of the room. “We will take good care of them while we wait for them to be healed the rest of the way.”

Clare winked at the two of them before closing the door on the way out. They could hear the two’s voices drift off as they got further and further away. Genevieve smiled and walked over to the bed, her partner pushing their legs off the bed. She put herself in between their legs looking down at them with a goofy smile plastered on her face. 

“Well hi there” They said leaning back on their arms to look up at their mate.

“Hi~” She said in a sing-songy voice.

They raised their eyebrows, “Would you like something?” They asked, smiling.

“Mhmmm”

She leaned down, hands on their cheeks. “Can I kiss you?” She asked in a quiet voice.

They nodded, “When would I ever say no?”

She closed the small distance between the two of them. The kiss wasn't hurried. They just stayed there slowly kissing, holding each other close. They only stopped when there was a knock on the door. Both of them jumped, Evie jumping back as if they were teenagers caught making out in the gym locker room.

“I'm coming in you two!” A voice called in.

It was claire. 

Claire opened the door, seeing Genevieve brushing her skirt off, looking anywhere but her and smirked knowingly. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” She asked her sibling, “I know you just have to be itching to get out of this room.” 

“Oh god yes. I have been here for way too long. I'm feeling pretty alright, a bit sore but that's to be expected.” 

Claire laughed, “I'm glad you're doing alright,” She stepped into the room and closed the door, walking to them. “You really scared us, I'm glad you're safe, but don't do that again.” She said putting her forehead against theirs. 

If anyone else had said it, they would have fought it, angrily re-explain what happened, but they knew that's not what Claire ment. She was their Alfa, but more importantly to the both of them, their sister. She was scared when Evie had called crying and told her what happened, they had scared her and they did feel bad about it. They silently promised that they would do everything they could to make sure her and Genevieve would never have to be scared for them again. 

Claire pulled back and patted their shoulder, “Im making dinner if your hungry, i know you ate not too long ago but-”

“Holy shit I want more food. Who the hell do you take me for Claire?” They interrupted her, laughing before cringing because, oh ya, still injured. 

Genevieve was at their side immediately but they were fine. Claire smiled and turned back out the door. 

“You know, I wouldn't mind carrying you out to the main room?” She said it in a teasing voice but they knew it was a genuine offer.

They scoffed, “Oh hell no, now get out.”

Clare laughed and made her way out, closing the door behind her. 

With just them and their mate in the room again they opened their arms, an obvious sign for her to come close again. She did. Reclaiming her spot in between their legs. 

“Hi again, pretty,” She said, laughing. 

“Hehe hi gorgeous,” They leaned up, a hand in her hair pulling her down into a kiss.

When they pulled away from the kiss, mostly because unlike their undead ate they did in fact have to breathe, they giggled, “No but really, Claire is right if I stay in this room I'm going to go insane. 

Evie burst into laughter, almost dubbing over in her fit. She did trip over the partner's foot, causing her to fall forward with a yelp. They both fell back onto the bed, her only not landing on their chest because of her vamp reflexes that let her have an arm on either side of them, holding her bove, if only just. 

She was still giggling, but softer now, “Sorry i just,” she started before going back into her giggling fit.

She was beautiful, almost an angel. So they lean up and kiss her. She is shocked at first, but melts into it. Humming happily into the kiss, they could feel her smile, it made them happy. 

When they pulled back Genevieve was smiling down at them, them smiling back up at her. 

“I love you,” They whispered

Genevieve flushed, “I love you to,” She whispered back.

She leaned down again, this time only for a short kiss. 

“Hay Eve,”

“Ya?”

“As much as I love you on top of me, falling back onto a bed doesn’t result in the most comfortable positions especially with booboos.”

“Oh! Oh ya, I'm sorry!” SHe got up quickly, helping them up as well, “Wait… booboos? Really?” 

“Oh shush I've been babysitting a lot recently,” They laughed, smacking their mates arm playfully. 

“I can't believe you, you're so cute,” She kissed them again. 

“Ya ya, so you've said, now are you going to help me get out of this room or not? Because if you don't , I'm gonna do it myself and you're going to yell at me.” 

Genevieve could tell they actually would try to do it themselves and would most definitely regret it, so instead she kissed their nose.

“Alright, alright, would you like me to carry you sweety? I could carry you like a princess!” 

“Oh no-” 

They could tell that their girlfriend had her mind set on the idea that she had thought of and no matter what they said could talk her out of it. They were going to be carried around princess style. 

“Oh yes!” 

She bent down and put her arms under their legs and back, then lifted. They let out a yelp as she picked them up. 

“Hi sweetheart,” She said sweetly, a bright smile on her face. 

“I hope you know, i am going to say i hate this every step of the way.” 

“Ya i know, but it's nice getting to be the knight for once ahh Ahhh?”

“Oh my god,” They rolled their eyes at their girlfriends antics. 

She giggled maniacally as she opened the door and walked the both of them out the the main room. Even though she could have run and gotten them to the room quickly, she didn't, walking at a steady pace down the hall. Partly because of her anxiety, partly because she enjoyed carrying them around. 

They reached the main room and she set them down on the couch.

“There we go! Now let's get all cozy and we can watch a show,” Genevieve said as she climbed onto the couch, settling into her mate's arms.

After the two of them had fallen asleep to a show, Claire walked in to tell them that food was done. Instead, seeing them curled up looking peaceful she decided it could wait. She pulled out a blanket and covered the two of them. She left a note saying that food was in the fridge, to text or call her if they needed anything, and that she was going out for a bit. The last thing she did was flick the overhead lights off, smiling at the two lovebirds as she left.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 8

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Dr's appointment early in the morning, then had to go to the bank and pick up one other thing after. Of course since minimal exertion somehow makes me exhausted for the entire day because of the many wretched curses upon my physical form, I didn't accomplish much else lol..

Took pictures of the avocado pit carved items. Not sure when I'll have the time to edit and post them.

FINALLY did plant the Nasturtiums, and a few other plants! I dislike most "yardwork", especially pulling weeds, because it's hard for me to tell what counts as a "weed" or not, since some of these apparent "weeds" are also pretty flowers and I feel bad for destroying them. A while ago at a relative's house they were doing yardwork and I saw a pile of some of these "weeds" on the ground, so I took a few home to try and replant them. I finally got around to putting them in real containers today, and most of them seem to be doing well so far.

Unfortunately the 'forget me not' flowers (some of my favorites because of blue being one of my favorite colors) never seem to transplant well, after multiple attempts at saving them from people's yards and thinking I've dug down deep enough to get all the roots this time and etc. etc. , they just seem to kind of flop and die after replanting them.. epic gardening fail.. misery and sadness . so on and so forth

Edited next sims let's play video for like barely 15 minutes.

Thought about a few ideas for the story I think I mentioned in the first Daily Log about a doctor and magical experiments. :3c

Had a lot of what seems like nerve pain?? or something?? in my arms radiating down to my fingertips and wrists (likely something to do with my shoulder blades/chest/back of upper neck/shoulder area being perpetually problematic), so I didn't do a lot of work with my hands or computer stuff for long.. stimky

Sketched out one of the border sections for the tapestry painting thing, but really Thought About It more than Did Any Tangible Progress.

Washed like two miserable little dishes in my cringe fail kitchen sink with my loser lame achy fingers and hands

Notable sights: SAW SOME GEESE when walking past a park today!!!! I rarely ever see geese, mostly just ducks and common birds and squirrels around here. There were also some interesting plants I briefly got to look at in a store on the way home from my appointment. I don't even want much in life (yet it all seems so unattainable for someone in my situation lol), like I don't want to have a mansion or anything, but just a modest little house with a small yard would be so cool.. I would love to actually curate a real permanent garden instead of everything having to be in pots all the time. connection across time with my very likely peasant ancestors, looking up to the sky like 'ah, if only I were part of the landowning class'

Goals moving forward: SUPER focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have, because I keep ignoring this for weeks and I am never going to have a social support network if I don't actually build one lol.. Living in a broad interconnected society where social tethers are pivotal for survival (unless you're rich - and even then, social connections likely help substantially in career and etc. - most currently rich people had rich parents, etc. etc.) is so antithetical to my hermit nature.. aughhh....Why so inherently difficult for brain to Process Socialization And Communication. >:V

Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: ASPARAGUS DAY FghdhVGVTYYEAAAAA!!! asparagus squad1!!!!! Also went against the evil nutritionist diet and allowed myself one serving of bread which I used to make a spicy turkey wrap sort of thing. >:) I miss being able to make spicy pickled onions and stuff. Still wishing for heartier food too.. I get blood testing soon, so maybe I'll find out if I'm actually deficient in something that's giving me constant cravings lol..

[promiseiwillwrite]

Going Nowhere

The lock clicked after Ray knocked and the landlord poked his head out. He had on a multicolored sweatband that made his shock of strawberry blond hair stick up funny, and a mustache that didn't hide his grin.

"Well Hello new tenant, what's on your mind?"

He gestured for Ray to come in, and when he did, he found himself a bit overwhelmed. The entire back wall of the apartment was a monument to VHS. The shelves covered every square inch, floor to ceiling, even where the windows should be. And the rest of the place was a maximalist cacophony of retro oranges and greens, bric-a-brac, and colored glass. An Elegant Tiffany lamp with a shade made to look like a sleeping peacock sat on a marble topped end table by the orange Naugahyde couch, nestled on the purple, deep pile shag carpet.

It took Ray a moment to register that he was being regarded with some sincerity by the landlord's other two guests.

The first was a tall, striking Egyptian man in flipflops and dangerously short shorts, stabbing vengefully at Freddy Mercury's ambience with his own mustache.

The other a blond man with curls perfectly framing his stately features. They all held pickleball rackets.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I'd interrupted!" Ray started to back out the door immediately, continuing, "I'll come back by another time!"

"Oh, don't be silly, You should meet everyone." His landlord closed long fingers over one shoulder, and stopped his retreat. "This is Ray, he just moved into 5A, and he's good with plants. You should see the lovely little guys he put on that windowsill upstairs."

"How sweet." said the blond, reaching out a hand. "Call me Luke." Ray Nodded shyly, blushing a little in spite of himself, and shook the man's hand. He didn't understand why he felt so nervous all of a sudden.

"And I'm Seth." The dark haired gentleman brushed his lips barely across Ray's knuckles, and Ray thought he was going to pass out. It took every ounce of will he had to keep his knees from wiggling out from under him.

Ray's Landlord, Al looked at the gesture in progress and his jaw dropped. "You dramatic little whore, I am going to take this racket to your rear-end if you scare off my tenant."

Ray steadied himself. He breathed in. He took his hand back and folded his fingers together.

Seth gave Al a saucy little smile and went to the kitchen, ostensibly to fill his water bottle, and make the point that Al wasn't the boss of him.

Luke chuckled at Ray's quick recovery. "Oh, I think he'll be alright, as long as we don't drag him back to the bedroom immediately."

Al acted like he was going to hit Luke with the Pickleball racket he was holding, and Luke Vaulted over the back of the couch and out of the way, scurrying to the kitchen.

Al rolled his eyes, and regained his composure. "They aren't dangerous unless they're intoxicated. Then they're wicked beasts. But they won't bother you if you tell them no, hon."

Ray smiled sheepishly. He'd dealt with this sort of behavior from men and women since he hit puberty. He had come to assume his decision not to cut his hair probably played into that somewhat. He liked the attention, though. "I'm not sure I am up to what they can dish out. I might come to movie night though."

Al smiled. "Better than they deserve. We're doing Rocky Horror."

"Classic."

Al grinned at him again. "Well, anyway, you actually came here for something aside from the sexual harassment."

Someone from the kitchen said: "No, that was just a freebee." followed by much giggling.

Ray chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "I have the Rent and the deposit I owe you."

Al gave the tiniest pout at this, and took the envelope Ray held out to him. He walked it over to a desk that was a complete riot of other papers.

"Do you need a receipt, Mr. Friedman?"

"Yes, Please."

More giggling came from the kitchen.

Al opened a drawer and took out a green receipt pad, and jotted the time and date, and paid in full, and he gave Ray a copy.

"Thank you," Ray said quietly with a nod.

"No, thank you, I am glad you're prompt and not easily offended."

"They'd have had to try to use those pickleball rackets on me. I don't do that sort of thing until the 3rd date."

Howls of laughter rolled out of the kitchen as Al tried to keep a straight face through that retort.

Ray gave a small wave and a swift exit as his landlord joined with the laughter on the other side of the closing door.

Ray smiled all the way to work that day.

[taeghi]

i don't want to be your roommate, i want to kiss your neck | (m) *preview*

(yes this is turning into a heeseung account, you can't stop me)

heeseung x reader | smut, fluff, angst, PWP lol | roommate + best friend's brother!heeseung

➤ summary : at first, you cursed lee hana for ditching your roomies-forever contract, but now you want to thank her for having such a great idea for her hot brother to move in as her replacement... just as long as she doesn't find out you think he's hot.

➤ includes : warning!cuddling!!!, also masturbating, unprotected sex, fingering, praise, breeding kink ;)

➤ word count : 15.7k (jesus)

taglist : ???

lee hana was the best friend you could ever ask for. 

when you met during freshman year of college you knew that you would be best friends forever. she was the missing piece that you were missing in a lot of ways. so, when she asked if you wanted to find a place to rent together you couldn’t possibly turn her down. 

you decorated the apartment you found so that it could be deemed as ‘your shared home’. parts of you both were mangled around the apartment, wherever you looked there were pieces of each other somewhere.  hana’s favourite photography works she’s taken, your ugly wool throw blankets that you insisted on having and both of your dirty dishes piling up in the sink because you both hated doing dishes. 

 though, you both lived wonderfully together. you managed to cook almost everyday regular meals that were somewhat healthy and made sure the other one was getting to class on time. you figured that you would continue to live with her for the rest of your early-mid twenties. 

until she got a boyfriend. 

don’t get it wrong, you loved jay; but you despised him for taking away your perfect roommate. 

you were worried at first when hana sat you down and told you she’d be moving out by the end of the month. her and jay had decided to take their relationship further and she agreed to move into his apartment with him. you knew that your lease wouldn’t end until the rest of the year, meaning that you would have to pay the rent for two people even though it’d be only you living here. which, you did not have the money for as a broke college student. 

“but don’t worry!” hana smiled at you from her spot on the couch when she broke the news, “i’ve found you another roommate who is just like me! so there won’t be any problems.” 

you sigh, because there are usually always problems if hana isn’t involved. meaning, you will most definitely hate your new roommate, hana’s replacement. 

“don’t sigh like that y/n!” hana smacks your shoulder, “he’s seriously a perfect mix of you and i, you’ll like him.” 

“him?!” you exclaim, shaking your head no to the fact that you will have to live with a boy. 

“y/n, just give him a chance! you haven’t even met him yet!” 

you glare at your best friend and soon-to-be-ex-roommate with displeasure at the new information she was laying on you. “but he’s a boy, hana! he’s gonna ruin our woman sanctuary here!” 

“y/n, i don’t think this has been a woman sanctuary since we’ve moved in,” 

“but it could be, if you stay living here,” 

“y/n, i already told him he could have my room, I care about him a lot.” hana juts out her lips into a pout, her pretty features contorting into begging ones as she desires your approval. 

“fine, but i want him to at least try to contain his man testosterone to one room,” you sigh, giving in to your best friend. her squeals reach your ears quickly as she leans over to pull you into a hug. 

“you’re gonna love him! you won’t even want me back as a roommate,”

“who even is he?” 

“his name’s heeseung,” 

“heeseung?” 

“yeah,” hana shrugs casually, “my brother.” 

“what?!” you exclaim at her again. you had never met her family before, both of you growing up in different states made it hard to meet each others. hana was usually private about her family, not talking much about them either way. you were aware that she had an older brother, but you would have never thought that you would come to live with him. “hana, what.” 

hana lets out her familiar roistering laugh at your shocked expression, “i told you he was just like me- and if he’s just like me then he’s just like you!” 

you pout, “we’ll see about that.”

FULL RELEASE DATE : SUNDAY : OCTOBER 29TH 2023, @ 10PM EST

[nathank77]

6/18/24

2:19 p.m

Well I took the second tiny piece of xanax at like 1:25 a.m. I closed my eyes around 1:50 a.m and I slept solidly until my alarm went off at 8:15 a.m. I could have fallen back to sleep but I didn't let myself so I only got like 5 hours and 45 minutes of sleep maximum. I'm sticking to this schedule and give up time for an all nighter is 4 a.m. I will take my xanax at 10 p.m tonight. And everyday from here on out. Obv I'm taking a 1mg tonight bc of my testosterone shot tomorrow.

I will try to go back to a half mg on thursday... I doubt it'll work I'll have to prob accept my tolerance raising. I'm not going back to my old circadian rhythm. I refuse. I get so much more done I can make phone calls I can go places. So we will see how it goes.

I'm about ready to kill myself tbh. I'm starting to care less and less about myself. Sure I'm taking care of myself and trying really hard but I'm sick of panicking about sleep. I'm beyond sick of hallucinating constantly. Despite all my efforts and everything I do I hallucinate constantly bc I can't get out of this fucking toxic environment.

I couldn't be any more functional than I am other than working tbh. Atm I'm doing some laundry. I still got that last box of stuff from the attic that came from my dresser i can't do it today cause my mom needed to do some laundry. I started my good clothes when I woke up so I can finish that.

I went up to the attic and took all the stuff from the keepsake pile in the hallway and organized it in the "clean room" keepsake pile. The hallway is ready for the storage bins that are coming Friday. I'm done with the attic until then. Not including washing those clothes but I'm not going back up there until Friday.

I somewhat regret going up to the attic first I didn't realize today was so hot. I showered when I came downstairs cause I was drenched and felt nasty and I was going to go grocery shopping today instead of tomorrow to expose myself to sunlight since my testosterone shot is tomorrow but I would have showered after I sweat in the car so I'll just go tomorrow.

Now I'm re-doing my posters in my room. My old set up when I first moved in never got changed when I moved my furniture around the first time and then after getting my new furniture. So why not. I got to keep myself busy.

Dad never called me back I left a voicemail yesterday.

I'm legit more functional than I've ever been yet my brain won't recover and sleep has to be an accomplishment... and now I'm worried about raising my tolerance I never really wanted to do that. I just wanted extra for an emergency. I planned to be throwing out the old stuff next year as I accumulated more emergency pills....

I'm so fucking lonely. At this point I'm doing the attic and organizing my life so when I kill myself my family won't have a mess to clean up. I mean sure I'm going to keep trying for a while but let's be real:

1) I'm on disability for ocd bc it's BAD

2) I'm trans and it's not 2050 or something people won't give me a chance.

3) I hear voices... and yea I can keep it a secret for a while but eventually I got to tell them and it could make then run for the hills....

4) I live with my mom and am poor for life.

What do I have to offer someone? A guy who talks and cries in his sleep from ptsd. A guy who can't work. A guy who can't even wash a dish. A guy who would only serve the purpose of a stay at home dad. Women want a provider. In this economy I mean it's kinda hard not to have both parents working.

I'm never going to be a father. I'm never going to be on a birth certificate. I'm never going to get married. I'm never going to have not toxic people in my life. And when everyone starts dying I'll regret that I didn't spend more time with my toxic family.

I'll never stop hallucinating. Sleep will never be a given instead of an accomplishment and I can't work on my ocd with this voice. And beyond that if I kill myself Kristen loses her license. .

I mean all I'm saying is no I'm not planning it but one more all nighter. I mean if months keep going by and I find no girl to talk to. If I don't see changes I'm done.

My life is intolerable. I have nothing but a roof over my head and a pot to shit in. That's it. I thought at 33 my life would be more than this. It isn't. It's never going to be.

I think about what I have to live for or look forward to. My siblings who will start to hate me Connor is already.. and then the idea that someone could love the shattered pieces that I am. That someone can see a mosaic instead of broken peices but they won't.

This is my life and it hasn't changed and never will change and the only ways in which it will change is for the worst. I thought Massachusetts was the worst thing that ever happened to me I laugh now. Microsleeping and auditory hallucinations that never end is and I don't want to pretend I'm alive anymore.

I'm not living. I'm surviving and that's all I've ever done. And it's all I'll ever do.

I'll never go on a vacation. I'll never experience anything but misery and it's just fact.

[coldheartcomplex]

It's Been a While

8 years. 8 years, 5 months, and 25 days ago.

That’s how long it’s been and how much I don’t remember. It’s as if my memory took a pause and my body remained in some form of autopilot. I'm surrounded by artifacts from the past eight years, evidence of a life I seemingly lived without active participation. Pictures and projects, bills and laundry– all of it here surrounding me... My father has passed away, at least according to the obituary program in the top drawer of my desk. It was dated only 3 months after I lost track of time. By the pamphlet being in my possession, I must have gone to the funeral… Or did I? Have I left this apartment at all?

This was only supposed to be temporary. Once my parents came home, my father would live out his remaining months/years in this apartment and I would pack up what little things I had and find my own place. I’d maybe move back in while my mother was mourning but eight years was not a part of the plan. Now, I am surrounded by new things. My things. The once-familiar shell of my parents' home has transformed into something distinctly my own. It appears I’ve kept all their cookware: pots, pans, and dishes and such. But this bed, desk, and coffee table unmistakably bear the mark of my personal touch. I’ve lived here. And I don’t remember a single minute of it.

Let me backtrack a bit. It’d been more or less 10 hours since I’ve “come to”. It happened in an instant, a snap, and the first thing I registered was the sound of a doorbell—specifically, my neighbor's doorbell. I could care less about the chatter distantly outside as the gears in my 8 year rusted mind started turning again.. My head ached, forcing me to sit down and close my eyes until the spinning stopped. I’ve only convinced myself to open my eyes when the phone in my pocket buzzed an ungodly number of times and I checked it, noticing the distinct December 6th on my lock screen. It’d been nearly 6 months.

I laughed, thinking it was some sort of sick joke so I checked my calendar app. This proved to be a difficult task and I felt as if I was navigating through a phone that wasn’t mine. I knew the passcode, but there were apps I’ve never seen and it was without a doubt a different make and model than I had before. But after a good solid minute, I managed to find the calendar, and the date was listed clearly.

December 5th, 2023.

It hasn't been 6 months, it's been 8 years.

It was only then I took a good look at the room around me and realized this wasn’t the same apartment I left back in 2015. I couldn’t fathom where all that time had gone and why hadn’tI lived it?

I’ve been looking all over the house for answers and only recently pulled out my old laptop I found buried in a desk drawer. It took a while to charge the thing to life but it was the only thing that felt familiar. The background image from the last trip I spent with my parents to Washington, all the apps and piles of unorganized folders.

And this journal.

I’ll keep looking to find out what’s happened but for now, I think I need some rest. Although one realization dawned on me as I typed this entry: there's a ring on my left finger– a modest gold wedding band. I’ve yet to find out who it belongs to, because it’s certainly not me.

That’s all for now, Margot

[frannyzooey]

In The Dark: Epilogue

Pairing: Ezra x f!reader

Rating: None

A/N: We are finally at the end of this story - thank you to every single person who read it, who supported it, who sent in asks or reblogged or liked or lurked. I couldn’t have done it without you all. Dedications at the end, along with some bonus extras. Thank you all so very much - I love you, and Happy New Year!

Series Masterlist

--

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

“So, how is the new place going?” You rest your cheek on your knee, smiling at the immediate change in her expression on your screen. Your dorm room is behind you, warm and cozy in contrast to the starkness of her bedroom. 

“It’s okay,” Cee says. “It’s still kinda weird, ya know? Living with different people?” She shrugs, resting her chin in her hand. “It’s kinda cool, since they’re my own age and sometimes we have these amazing parties and there is this girl who is moving in next week who I am totally eyeing, but also the extra chores suck? No one ever does their dishes around here.”

You nod in sympathy, having been in that situation before. 

“I feel like it’s not that hard?” she continues, and you laugh. 

“It’s really not. How is that new class coming?”

Rolling her eyes, she launches into detail about her writing professor and the pain of her weekly workshop group and you feel a pang of longing to experience those things with her, so you could truly commensurate. Not that you couldn’t, since you were going through those specific pains in your own program right now, but it was different then - when you were going through it together. 

“Anyway, it’ll get better. I don’t wanna talk about it though.” She sits back, piling her fine blond hair on top of her head in a bun cupped by her hands for a moment, before letting it drop. “Tell me about next week. What are you doing again? How long are you off for?”

“Two weeks.” Just saying the words out loud makes you grin in relish, an eagerness for it to begin coming through in the dreamy tone of your voice. “I wanna see all the cheesy tourist spots for sure, but I am literally itching to get into some of those bookstores. And the museums, definitely those. And oh my god, the food.”

Shoreditch had all of these things and you had slowly been exploring them, but the vastness of London had been calling to you. Your workload too heavy to explore the way you’ve wanted to, you’ve been earmarking various spots for months and now that your break is finally here, you feel like you can truly tour around. And also look up from the screen of your laptop for a change - that would be nice.

You let out an aching groan of pleasure at the thought and she smiles on the screen. 

“After that, I don’t know? Don’t laugh, but I kinda wanna rent a car and drive to Cornwall? Don’t ask me about navigating while driving on the other side of the road because I don’t have an answer for you, but the views are supposed to be gorgeous and……”

“Poldark,” you both say at the same time, dissolving into giggles.

“God he’s gorgeous. I mean, I know he’s not there, but I’ll be able to sense him. I just know it.”

She sips her tea on her side of the screen while you list off the rest of your itinerary: Persephone Books, for their quaint, romantic store front and unique events, Dishoom for a bacon naan roll and to feel like you’ve stepped back into time into 1940’s Bombay, The London Eye to get some pictures, but first Gloria: a restaurant by your new place that you’ve been dying to try. You just knew the pictures online wouldn’t do it justice; the opulent, busy, lush setting of rich carpets and mirror paneled walls and greenery climbing down from the ceiling like sparkling, light strung ivy at the top of your wishlist. 

Eventually, your stifled yawns interrupt your spoken dreams, and she finishes her tea, stretching in her perch on her chair. She glances at the time in the corner of her screen and frowns. 

“Yikes, it’s gotta be so late there for you. You better get some sleep, so you’re not exhausted in the morning..”

You mirror her stretch, nodding. “Yea, I still gotta finish packing.” 

She leans closer to the screen, a look of affection stealing across her delicate features. 

“Well make sure you take a bunch of pictures, okay? I wanna see everything you’re seeing. Send me the view from the Eye on Snapchat or something and if you go see those guards, take a selfie with one of them just for me.”

You laugh, assuring her that you will and when you say your goodbyes and hang up, a smile lingers on your face. Just like her to ask for something weird like that. 

Standing, you close your laptop and leave it on your desk, walking over to your bed. The layout of your new place is tighter than the last; student housing always a bit cramped. You’ve never minded close quarters, liking the overall coziness it forces and resting your hand on the corner of a small bookshelf that already has a substantial collection growing on it, you crack the window, letting street sounds waft in on the night air. 

Changing into your pajamas, you switch out the light while yawning yet again and checking your alarm is set, you crawl into bed. Opening your white noise app, you select “city sounds” and closing your eyes, quickly fall asleep. 

–

Anticipation wakes you early, and similar to New York City, Shoreditch is alive with people already when you leave your flat. Stepping out onto the sidewalk, you slip into the crowd, making your way to the tube and as you walk, you run through a mental checklist of everything you want to do today, so as to not waste one minute. 

Not quite as many people on these streets as there had been in the city, the sights and sounds were so similar it was comforting: brightly scrawled murals over aged brick, trendy restaurants tucked into small store fronts, young people walking effortlessly down the sidewalk with their faces buried in their phones. Spotting the iconic circular sign that gave you a thrill when you saw it for the first time, you made your way down the damp stairwell, following the crowd to the platform. Getting on your train, you find a seat by the window and digging in your bag, you fish your earbuds and pull up a playlist, relaxing into your seat. 

The steady, smooth rock of the train as it pulls away from the station comforts you, reminding you of home after all this time. The transit systems are similar, the people that ride them even more so and watching scenery pass by, you think about your first time navigating The Underground. The thought, and the events planned for this morning, bring forth other memories. 

Your first night crawling into your new bed: slipping on the shirt he tucked into your bag, the longing for your apartment and all its familiar noises was a real, tangible ache in your chest. The ache for him was felt even deeper, the image of his face as he said goodbye only ten hours old and fresh in your mind at that point. A few tears slipped free into that new pillow of yours; the first of what would be many more. 

Your first weeks navigating your new surroundings: testing out the transit, finding your new travel paths, exploring the restaurants within walking distance.

The nervous hesitation you felt when sharing in your new workshop for the first time, the tiny tables in new restaurants where you sat alone on your computer, your delight at the discovery of East African food. 

Tea: something you never came around to. By your measure, it had nothing on coffee and for weeks, you would have killed for a latte from your favorite place, with a dash of cinnamon on the top. 

All the while, you had missed him. 

Your new surroundings had been seen through Ezra tinted glasses; a wash of him over everything you saw. Everything reminded you of him: the antique shop on the corner, the Persian restaurant you passed while walking to class, every bookstore or record shop or furniture gallery or men’s clothing shop or every dark haired man, your eyes searching for his confident gait everywhere.

At first, it was so intense you couldn’t hardly breathe, but with time, it lessened. Friends, routine, school, new experiences, dinners, parties. You still thought of him often, but it was no longer the crushing weight of a wave forcing you under. With each new day that passed, the waves calmed more and more; overwhelming, then bearable, then ripples that came and went.

Cee had eventually come around, writing you an email about your letter about a month after you left. When you replied, she replied back and it slowly evolved into more emails and then texts and then FaceTime, on your computer at night. She had reached out to you for writing advice, wanting your opinion on something she was going to turn in and it was like her story was an olive branch — which was fitting, for two people who first bonded over the words scribbled in her notebook. 

The two of you never had a formal discussion about what happened, but rather an acknowledgment through email about the roles you each played. Understanding that sometimes it was easier to talk about difficult things through writing versus speaking them out loud, you were thankful for it. She needed time to think about it, which you gave her, and in the end, she forgave you. 

Still, you never spoke directly about Ezra if you could help it. 

Four months into your new surroundings, you had just walked in the door after a late night library session when your phone buzzed in your bag. Pulling it out, the sight of his name on your screen made you freeze. You can still feel the heat you felt, your heart picking up as you hesitantly tamped down the excitement that immediately rose in your chest and when you answered it, he could hear it all in your voice. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Birdie.” 

He said those two words, letting the silence hang for a moment and you were immediately back in your apartment, the memory of when he used to call felt so strongly you shut your eyes.

He had been drunk and lonely, missing you. Trying so hard to keep his distance for your sake, he finally caved and called; his low, husky voice sleepy and quiet through the phone, but warm with affection. You talked to him for a long time: about the city, about your program, about what he had been up to. When it came time to hang up, he asked if he could call you again and when you said yes, you could hear the smile in his voice when he said goodbye. 

He did call you after that, and you stayed in touch a lot. It wasn’t as intense as it was before — no phone call every night before bed, no FaceTime videos, no partially undressed photos — but rather an easy intimacy between two really good friends. Ones who knew each other inside out, and had fond memories of the time they’d shared together. 

Not to say that you didn’t get yourself off to the thought of him still, after all this time. 

You tried going out and meeting people, tried going home with someone a few times but after you slipped back into your clothes and made your way home, you never felt that longing to be back in their bed and in their arms the way you always felt with him. Eventually, you stopped trying and just focused on school. 

The train slows and pulls into King’s Cross, and you rise from your seat, waiting your turn to alight. Stepping off, you make your way to the escalators and a sort of nervous anticipation thrums wildly through your veins, making your limbs jittery. You try to take a calming breath, checking the time on your phone - your train running a few minutes behind, you hope you’re not too late.

Finally stepping into the atrium, light floods the space. People are everywhere: gathered in clusters as they check maps in their hand with suitcases and backpacks at their feet, business people walking briskly around and between them, travelers and students and children and shop vendors; the murmur of the collective crowd a loud one. Your heart beats faster in your chest, your eyes scanning the room and they land on one person after another, trying to keep track as they move. A bright flash of yellow there, a brown mop of curls there and suddenly, you see him. 

The familiar breadth of his shoulders faces you, a backpack that you’ve never seen before only serving to make him look broader. For how long it’s been since you’ve seen the nape of his neck, you’d recognize his stance anywhere and you simultaneously want to stand there for a moment and admire him from afar, while also fighting the urge to run. 

Not being able to help moving automatically in his direction, when he turns and his gaze catches yours, he grins and you feel a sudden wave of emotion so strong you want to cry. He looks just the same - the unruly dark curls, the crumpled cotton t-shirt even more so from traveling, the face you know so well and that dimple. It had only just started to fade from your memory, and the sight of it makes your heart burst. 

“Hey, Birdie,” he smiles when you reach him, opening his arms and you step right into them, like no time has passed. 

So solid, so strong, so affirming in his touch - your hello is muffled against his shoulder as you breathe in the familiar musk of his warm skin and when you pull back, you can already see the possibilities of these next two weeks in his warm, albeit travel worn smile: his laughter in a dimly lit restaurant, the weight of his arm across your shoulders when he pulls you in for a selfie, his profile as you drive through the country, the firm slide of his skin against yours every one of those nights. 

He looks like he wants to kiss you and your mouth longs for the same, but you both stand still, savoring the beat of anticipation; the crowd moving around you. 

“You ready?” you ask, lacing your fingers with his. 

He tightens his hold, grinning. 

“Ready.”

The End 

--

Bonus: Birdie’s Travel Pictures 

I have so many people I want to thank for this story:

@mourningbirds1​, first and foremost, who sat with me through every single one of these chapters and who is the world’s best and most patient teacher. You made my writing better with every single soothing message you sent, every comment you left on the document, every lesson you taught me in your kind and patient way. This story wouldn’t be nearly what it is without you, nor would I have had the courage to tackle it in the first place without your constant validation and support and I love you so very, very much. Having one of your favorite writers as a mentor is the literal dream come true, and you did that for me. <3

@krissology​ and @charnelhouse​ - without our group chat and your constant support, I wouldn’t have made it through this. You both inspire me in so many ways every single day, and you’re always there when I need to rant, vent, work out a plot line, hash out an idea, and I am so grateful to have both of you in my life. I love you <3

@highsviolets​ @imaswellkid​ @dazedrhapsody​ and @psychedelic-ink​ - thank you so so much for your constant enthusiasm and your magnificent playlists for this story. They inspired me in so many ways - a number of scenes in this story were directly inspired by your songs, dreamt of while I was working or driving, and I am forever thankful for you sharing them with me. They are beautiful, just like you all. I love you <3

To anyone that made art, to anyone that sent me a message, to anyone who was patient and kind and validating while I tried to take my time and try new things and grow - thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you all, and this community. I love you <3