#For some reason I think that Mr. Piranha would love it

[yurishica]

El mariachi

Guess who watched Desperado

[seraphcutie]

Things I'm Confused About The Bad Guys 2

Hello, I've Just Seen The Bad Guys 2 Trailer On Reddit, So I've Decided To Give Some Cool Things About It!

I Really Love The New Female Criminal's Designs (Although The "Kitty" One Bothers Me, IDK If She's Actually A Cat. She Looks More Like A Puma/Panther Rather Than An Actual Cat, Which Kinds Confuses Me).

I Also Loved The Fact That DreamWorks Gave Snake A Girlfriend To Get Rid Of The FluffyVenom Shippers, That Part Was Hilarious!

I HAVE Some Things About The Bad Guys 2 That Confuses Me Though (Like The Aforementioned Cat), So Here's EVERYTHING I'm Confused About The Bad Guys 2!

5 Years Later?!?!

During The Scene Where Mr. Wolf Is Driving A Poorly Stabled Blue Car, It Says 5 Years Later On It.

This Is The Part That Bothers Me: HOW DID THE BAD GUYS & DIANE NOT AGE?!?! (Yeah, Misty Luggins & Tiffany Fluffit Aged, But Why Didn't The Animals Age??)

This Could Mean That The Bad Guys 2 Takes Place In 2028! Since The First Bad Guys Movie Took Place In 2022, & After They're Released, 2023. So If We Add That:

2023 + 5 = 2028

I Would Be 19 Years Old In That Universe!! Having A Time Gap This Huge Is Wild!! Especially The Fact That All The Animal Characters Didn't Age.

2. Mr. Shark's Voice

During The Scene Where Misty Luggins Is Possibly Spying The Bad Guys By Being An Undercover Cop, Mr. Shark's Voice Is Slightly High-Pitched When He Says This Line:

"Panic Ok, I'm A Panicker!!"

I Have No Idea Why Shark Sounded Like That, But That Voice Was Weird As It Could Get.

3. What's The Mission Associated With The Spaceship?

Apparently, The "One-Last Job" That The All Female Criminal Squad Tasked The Bad Guys With Is Associated With A Spaceship, But Why?

Maybe They Are Stealing It, But That Wouldn't Make Sense According To Confusing Thing #????. Maybe They Are Destroying It, But That Wouldn't Make Sense.

4. Hot Dog Chase

In This Scene In The Trailer, The Bad Guys Are Seen Stealing A Hot Dog Truck. But For Some Reason, Everybody Is Chasing Them (The Trailer Is Low Quality So I Can't Tell If They're Happy Or Mad).

Along With That, Mr. Piranha Is Apparently Stunning Everybody With Ketchup & Mustard Bottles. But It's Exactly Unknown Why They're Chasing The Bad Guys (Probably Because They're Stealing The Truck).

5. Diane Fighting Kitty (For An Unknown Reason)

At 1:30, Diane Is Seen Fighting Kitty For An Unknown Reason, But What For?!?!

Maybe Diane Is Fighting Kitty Because She & Her Friends Made Mr. Wolf & His Gang Steal The Rocket Ship, Or Maybe It's Because Kitty Is Associated With Diane's Tough Past, & Diane Doesn't Want To See Her (Nor Her Friends) Again.

6. Who's Riding The Helicopter?????

In This Scene, Some Unknown Character Is Riding A Helicopter Towards The Rocket Ship, & Tiffany Fluffit Is Confused (Yes, She Aged Up Due To The Look Of Her Hair & Her Outfit Being Blue).

Since We Don't Know Who's Driving The Helicopter It Could Be Either Diane Or Misty (Diane For Realizing That Kitty Made Them Steal The Ship & Misty Because She Saw The Bad Guys Stealing It, & She Tries To Arrest Them ASAP).

7. Why Are They Running?

At 1:40, Mr. Wolf & His Gang Are Running On The Rocket Ship, There Is No Reason On Why Are They Running, But Here's A Few Possible Scenarios:

They've Found Out That The Ship Is Gonna Self-Destruct Itself & They Have To Escape.

The Rocket Ship Started Going Into Space, & The Bad Guys Must Escape.

Unknown Reasons, But It's Possible That The Person Who Is On The Rocket Saw Them & Tries To Catch Them.

8. Where Are They?

During The Scene Where Snake Tells Joy That She's His Girlfriend, The Bad Guy Are In An Unknown Location, I Have No Idea Where They Are, But I Think It's Either Hollywood or Las Vegas (Or Maybe They're Still In Los Angeles lol)

9. Where Are They?? (Part 2, Ignore The Kissing Scene Plz)

At The End Of The Trailer, When Snake & Joy Are Smooching, The Bad Guys (& Joy) Are In An Unknown Vehicle, This Cannot Be Their Car Because It Possibly Got Repossessed or Got Scrapped. However, It's The Hot Dog Truck Since Piranha Is Topless.

9. What Is That Vehicle???

At 1:41, The Bad Guys Are Leaving The Rocket Ship To Jump Into Some Jet (It's Possibly Either Diane Or Kitty's). I Have No Idea What Vehicle Is, But Maybe When The Sequel Comes Out On August 1st We'll Know!

What Do You Think? What Things Confused You In The Bad Guys 2 Trailer?

(I Might Make Part 2 Once Trailer 2 Comes Out)

[dolphs-world]

I'm debating whether the newcomers in the original or Ultimate are better. A great initial list, although sad that Fox, Captain Falcon and Ness are more famous for this than their own games, but a third of the roster is a little uninspired. 4 of the characters are Mario characters but for some reason Yoshi gets his own icon in later games (along with Wario). DK, of course he deserves his own icon. Wario, with his very different Land series and completely unique Ware games, makes sense although I still find it strange. But Yoshi? Most of his games have Mario in them! He's a good addition but for the first game it feels a little strange. I also don't like playing as him. But I absolutely loathe Jigglypuff. Hey, how about Kirby but bad. This decision is especially worse in retrospect given how much representation Gen 1 got later on (all good characters by the way). Not Gengar, not Eevee, not Polywhirl but Jigglypuff? Bad decision. But what breaks my heart is Luigi, my main. Luigi, the character known for being a pallete swap, why would they have a literal clone for their first game? I think because of these decisions the original roster is weaker than Ultimate, a game that tried to definitely rectify the clone problem (despite Isabelle and some remnants from Melee and Brawl). Melee has the worst roster. Dr. Mario, because what Smash needed was another clone of Mario, though they did try to fix Luigi, Young Link, Falco, Pichu, and Roy. I'm surprised Captain Falcon didn't get a a clone. The saddest of these is Pichu. Another Gen 1 rep with Mewtwo and a joke character for Gen 2. No Dr. Stewart or Jody Summers but, oh wait, we did get a clone of Captain Falcon. Isn't it sad that half of the LotZ reps are clones? Ganondorf is the most disappointing character in Smash. Even with his sword now and design from Ocarina (I do love how they chose different games designs for the LotZ characters) he is still a laughing stock. Sidenote: They have released a tierlist for Ultimate and it really puzzles me. Little Mac in bottom? Understandable. Steve and Pyra/Mythra? Broken but understandable. Top Tiers make sense, besides Sonic. There's no strategy to Sonic, just spam 'B'. What doesn't make sense is the bottom. I swear K. Rool was the best at launch. I guess the heavy hitters are derailed by their speed but I always found it balanced. I guess there's something I don't understand about the scene if speed is so important, that must be why Sonic is number two. Zelda, Piranha Plant, Simon/Richter, Ike, and Kirby in bottom is wrong. That belongs to Rosalina, Pichu, and Rosalina. The best newcomers came from Brawl. Perfect balance of uniqueness and representations while opening new ideas with Snake and Sonic, for better or for worst. Bad additions: Toon Link, who is better than his Young counterpart, and Lucario, who is a good choice and a nice Gen 4 rep but shouldn't be a clone of Mewtwo. Zero Suit Samus is also a great character but weak in this game (like Sheik before her). Everyone else is great. Kirby now has the best reps, and every other series gets a great addition and some replace the weaker Melee characters. And love to Olimar, Pit, and R.O.B (and for Melee, Ice Climbers and Mr. Game & Watch, especially him). Best Roster. Also Smash Balls and Assist Trophies rock.

[unavidamasyya]

Reflections and headcanons on Wednesday and Tyler By a lover of enemies to lovers

I'm starting with this thing of putting my reflections on Tumblr about series and the truth is I'm liking it, so here comes a reflection that nobody asked for about the series Wednesday and Tyler.

This is not my native language, so if there are any mistakes I'm really sorry.

I'm a big fan of the literary cliche of enemies to lovers, and it makes me a little sad that this one has such a bad reputation for teen series that misuse this kind of plots giving them a toxic tinge, when in my opinion a good enemies to lovers doesn't mean that. For me, a good enemies to lovers has to involve actions that make the characters hate, loathe, and even want to kill each other and then, after a good plot, character development, and being held accountable for their bad actions, end in a well-structured and logical romance. These are the most exciting plots in my opinion.

This is why I see potential in this ship because both Tyler (Tyler from the last chapter specifically) and Wednesday could have an interesting dynamic.

Tyler is a Hyde, who from the little information we've heard are artistic and vengeful people by nature, whose true nature emerges after a traumatic event, and they begin a master and slave dynamic with their liberator.

This monster intrigues me too much, because it makes me theorize several things. First, was Tyler's personality always hidden behind the affable Tyler, or did he just start having these psychopathic behaviors after being freed? Did he always have these tendencies but, learned to camouflage them? His mother is described as a nice woman, who began to change after her postpartum depression, and it's not explained (or I don't remember) very well how she passed away Suicide? Natural death? Her character intrigues me a lot and I can't stop creating headcanon about her.

I imagine this monster is based on Dr. Jekyll, but in a looser version. I like to think that the Hyde's come from a distant branch of Mr. Hyde, that either his offspring managed to mutate, or just decided to gestate more people like him, and for some reason these started to mutate. Yes, I've taken a guess at where the Hyde's came from and created this crazy Headcanon.

Back to the point, Tyler most likely knew there was something different about him, but didn't know what until Marylin decided to unlock his true nature. I remember them saying that Tyler's mother was diagnosed as bipolar, or something similar. So having dual personalities is ruled out for me, and I would focus more on that they both started to fluctuate between different emotions, more negative than positive, and started to develop psychotic behaviors, which they associated with bipolar.

In Tyler's case I don't see that so much, as in my opinion he has more sociopathic, or psychopathic behaviors, as he has just discovered that killing gives him great pleasure, and he is very good at manipulating people. Tyler is not a good person, from a more normal perspective, but considering how the environment of the series works it's not such a terrible thing.

People often say that this shipp between Tyler and Wednesday is toxic because he's a murderer, but the environment of the series, and specifically that of the Addams family doesn't consider being a serial killer a bad thing per se.

Wednesday herself is a girl with sadistic traits, who enjoys torture, and it is something she likes to practice, in fact it is a way she has of showing affection to people, like her brother. In addition, she herself comments that her personality is toxic, and that she would hate it if her record showed that the piranha event proved that she failed in her assassination attempt. That family has a toxic dynamic that they show affection for, and it's totally normalized. That's the fun thing about the Addams family, watching them show their affection through sadism.

That said, I always thought Wednesday would end up with a sadistic monster, or a psychopath, because she loves those kinds of relationships. And I think people in the series aren't able to see that nature of the character, or underestimate her too much. Because let's be honest are people really of the opinion that she would be Tyler's victim? Pls, those two would have a most interesting and challenging relationship of which Wednesday would end up victorious every time. I feel like it would be a good relationship of like minds looking for challenge, after challenge, and challenges. Also, that the Hyde's must have masters, makes that dynamic could be even more entertaining.

And let's move on to the redemption issue, well yes, to have a good enemies to lovers you need good character redemption because otherwise this dynamic doesn't work. Tyler went through lines like attacking Wednesday's two friends, or even attacking cosa, leaving her very hurt. That's something our little sadist wouldn't forgive so easily, because she's many things, but it's been made clear to us in the series that when she creates a bond with someone she's going to defend it to the end.

Wouldn't it be interesting to see how he and Wednesday along with their friends have to fight against a common enemy? To see how no one trusts him for being a killer, both of monsters and humans, and for having manipulated them all (except Xavier, who always knew his true nature, and with whom I also think he could have an interesting dynamic. Well let's face it, sadistic Tyler gives a lot of play in everything) The more difficult the objective, the more interesting I find how they can develop the characters.

In conclusion, I think people see this ship from a ''normie'' perspective, where, obviously in our society, murder is bad and never salvageable. But in a universe where there is a school of monsters, some of whom have psychopathic tendencies, or who don't see a sadistic reality as bad, we can't implement our moral canons.

I love Wednesday's ship with Enid. Because yes, the cliché, that opposites attract, is also one of my favorites. But my sadistic side sees more possibilities in Tyler than in other characters. Although I have to say, a Wednesday without a partner would make more sense to me too. But hey, I'm a romantic girl.

Oh, and my take on did Tyler love Wednesday? I'm going to be 100% honest, I reckon there's more chance that he didn't, than that he did. In the end Tyler was manipulating the situation at his whim, so we can't be 100% sure, because we don't know how strong the bond of master and hyde is, I mean is the bond strong enough to overshadow the hyde's feelings? Does it completely override the hyde's compression to serve? Or can he think for himself enough to be able to fall in love? I feel like in some parts of the series he comes across as sincere, like when he sees Wednesday come down in her black dress.

But honestly that doesn't seem like a defining thing to me. We're used to the two main characters falling in love at the same time, but it's more fun to see how this comes up over the course of the seasons.

Well, after all my headcanon I've created in my head, and that no one was offended at any point, because after my many travels in fandoms, I know that shipp is something people kill for and tend to get very upset about. But I like to think about possible plots that I would like to see, and if I don't like it, I'm sorry.

[baronvonkrieger]

In Praise of Pugsley

"An energetic monster of a boy... blond red hair, popped blue eyes and a dedicated troublemaker, in other words the kid next door... genius in his own way, he makes toy guillotines, full-size racks, threatens to poison his sister, can turn himself into a Mr. Hyde with an ordinary chemical set... his voice is hoarse... is sometimes allowed an occasional cigar" -Charles Addams

In the new “Wednesday” series, Pugsley is just an excuse for Wednesday to drop Piranha in the school swimming pool, after she finds him stuffed into a locker. Great plan by the way, so that when she get’s removed from the school, the school bullies will then have a free hand at terrorizing her sibling. Later, on the ride to the “Nevermore Academy”, he rides in the front seat of the limousine with Lurch, while Gomez, Morticia, and Wednesday ride in the back as they are actual family members. After all, it’s not like he’s an actual member of the family.

In a discussion on Facebook, someone had this to say.  “It was somewhat sad that they could not find a way to make Pugsley interesting.“ It’s not that they couldn’t, they chose not to. After all, the creators of the Simpsons, never had a problem coming up with mischief for Bart to get into. That also goes for the creators of not just one, but two characters named Dennis the Menace.

If your not familiar with the one on the right, that’s because he’s from the United Kingdom. Coincidentally, these two characters both debuted in March,1951, so their having the same name is quite coincidental, Pugsley, on the other hand had been stirring up mischief since the 1940s. 

He was also part of the reason we got a TV series. When  David Levy saw a copy of the book “Homebodies”, he knew it would be perfect television.

Up till now some of these characters were unnamed, but not all. Prior to the development of the series, there was a line of dolls on four of these characters. There was Grandmama, Morticia,Wednesday, and Irving.

When it came to the series, I guess Charles Addams didn’t consider Irving weird enough, and suggested Pubert. The Network didn’t care for that, so Pugsley became the name of the boy, played by Ken Weatherwax.

Unlike the new Wednesday series, the writers of the 1960s series were able to come up with stories centered on the boy. When Hannah Barbera did an animated version of the family, they also wrote stories where Pugsley could play a part. Interestingly, in the different animated versions of the family they produced, the part of Pugsley was always voiced by a female, starting with Jodie Foster.

In later live action versions of the Addams Family, they haven’t thought as much of Pugsley, as Wednesday. Wednesday got a lot of memorable moments in the 1991 “Addams Family” Film, and had an even bigger part in “Addams Family Values”(1993). The most memorable thing Pugsley did in that film was to be dressed up as a giant Turkey by the unlikable Camp Counselors to humiliate him.

I think Pugsley as fared better in the two MGM Animated series, as there were secondary stories about him. In the 2019 film, it was about his preparing for his upcoming Mazurka, a rite of passage that every Addams family member takes. In the 2021 film, it was about his falling in love with a girl that turns out to be a science experiment.

Not everybody likes the 2019 and 2021 Addams Family features, but to their credit, they are about the Addams Family, and I’ll always have a fascination with learning about different takes on these characters. They are all interesting characters, and that includes Pugsley.

[animationmovieshipps]

Unexpected Surprises - Mr. Shark x Reader

"Ooh, looking good, big guy!" Tarantula commented with a smile, seeing the biggest member of her gang well dressed in a suit.

"Well thanks." He replied, happy with the compliment as he straightened his clothes using the reflection of a glass vase as a mirror.

"And where's Mr. Polished gonna go dressed like that?" Mr. Snake scoffed, but still interested in why he was dressed like that.

"Did you forget? Today is his and his gf's first year anniversary." Piranha reminded him.

"Oh yeah. I don't care." He said, soon turning his attention to a magazine about guinea pigs he was reading.

"Gee guys, I still can't believe it's been a year. I feel like it was yesterday that we met and my heart pounded." He said, sighing passionately and fondly remembering when you two first met. Even if it wasn't the least bit romantic.

"Yes I remember, but it was because she nearly killed you with a heart attack." Wolf joked and everyone laughed out loud, but Shark didn't care.

He went to the window and stood there, waiting for your arrival and wondering if everything could be different on that particular day, June 4th on a Tuesday.

It was a sunny summer day and he and his gang went to enjoy the day at the beach. He was helping Webs spread out her towel at the sand, when he suddenly was hit by a colorful beach ball on the head.

He took the ball and waited for the owner to go to him to get it back, but he certainly didn't expect they were a 15 foot and a half tall female shark with a menacing presence and a huge scar across her eye.

Always used to everyone being smaller than him, Shark fell back when he saw you.

You were very upset. You already expected that behavior from everyone, but never from someone of your own kind.

However, feeling bad about having had that reaction and not reciprocating your nice behavior, he walked over to where you were sitting with some friends and apologized.

You didn't even remember how, but the two of you spent the rest of the day talking and he was always super nice to you, now seeming to ignore your size and appearance.

It was one of the few times someone had been kind to you, despite initially denying it, he stirred feelings in you that you never thought you would ever feel.

You expected nothing but heartbreaking rejection when you decided to tell Shark you liked him, but you became the happiest shark in the world when he revealed he felt the same way and asked you to be his girlfriend.

You didn't know exactly what you were feeling as you walked to your boyfriend's house, it was such a confusing mix of feelings.

On the one hand you were feeling extremely excited to see what his reaction would be like to see the surprise you had made. But on the other hand, you had something very important to talk to him about and it wasn't important as a way of saying it, his life would change forever when he found out.

"O-oh hey love, a-are you here yet?" He stuttered, looking very nervous for some reason once you got there.

He wasn't exactly wearing clothes suitable for going to the beach, but you didn't even pay attention to that detail, just on how handsome he looked in those formal attire.

You were a very lucky shark.

"Yes? What happened?" You asked, worried about his reaction to seeing you.

"Oh, it's nothing." He replied as he left the house, trying to act natural, but failed miserably.

You just forgot about it, knowing it would be a surprise for you.

"How I am?" He asked, striking a pose like he was a magazine model.

"Ooohh so handsome!" You exclaimed, taking him in your arms and turning him around, drawing adorable chuckles from him.

"Thanks, so are y..." He was about to compliment you too, when he finally noticed how different your clothes were from his. "Honey, I thought we were having a candlelight dinner." he said, notoriously confused.

"We will, but not in the place you think it is." You replied between laughs.

"I'd better change my clothes then..." Shark said, but you quickly cut him off.

"No! No need, I liked it." You said, which made him smile at you.

"If you liked it, fine." He shrugged.

"Let's go." You said.

"Wait, aren't you forgetting anything?" He asked.

You became thoughtful for a moment when you finally understood what he was talking about.

"Oh, okay." You said, as you crouched down a bit to be at his height.

Your boyfriend came over and gave you a tender kiss on your scarred eye.

Timeskip...

"Okay, I'm getting curious, are we there yet?" He asked as you led him by the hand as he was blindfolded.

"Almost there, hold on just a little longer." You answered. "Remember when we met?"

"Like it was yesterday. When someone throw a ball at me on purpose to have an excuse to talk to me?" He joked.

"Exactly." You laughed.

"But you know, I'm glad you did."

"Awww don't make me stop halfway to kiss you." You said. "Do you remember the exact place?"

"Hmmm near the lifeguard chair on one side and a pretzel stand on the other." He replied

"Right here in this place." You said, as you took the blindfold off his eyes and revealed the candlelit picnic you made with so much love.

You watched delighted, but at the same time satisfied by his surprised and joyful reaction.

"Honey, you didn't have to do all this." He said, turning to you.

"Yes I did, it's not even half of the things you did to celebrate our months anniversaries." You said between laughs. "You liked it?"

You melted when he took your hand in his and kissed it.

"How can I not like something that was made by my great love?" He murmured lovingly, giving you one more hug. "I love you."

"Aw my love, I love you too." You replied back, but soon started to worry when his hug started to get even tighter. "Oh, don't squeeze me so hard."

As soon as you asked, Shark released you from his arms. He was so happy with your surprise that he decided to go ahead with his plans.

"Sweetie, I wanted to tell you something." He said, leaving you in awe of the coincidence of the two of you having things to reveal that same day.

Even though you were curious to know what he was up to, you also wanted to tell him as soon as possible.

"I also have something to tell you." You confessed with a smile.

"Really? Then do the honors." He replied, letting you speak first.

You took a deep breath, you didn't know what to do to prepare your boyfriend for the news, but you were going to say it anyway.

"So, you know just now, when I asked you not to squeeze me so much around my belly?" You said, hoping he would understand.

"I didn't even notice it, I was so focused on what I was going to say." He laughed. "Why? Is there a specific reason why...?"

You raised an eyebrow as you looked at him, which made him suddenly shut up.

Finally realizing the possible reason, he put both hands under his mouth so he wouldn't scream.

"...You mean that... That you... You're... We're gonna be..." He tried to say, still extremely dumbfounded by the news.

"Yes, I took the test these days and it was positive, I'm pregnant." You said shyly, as you put both hands on your belly.

"Honey... That's like, the best news of my entire life!" He said between loud laughs of happiness, before approaching and wrapping you in another hug.

You laughed softly, your chest filling with pure relief to see that he wanted that child as much as you did.

You mean, every time the two of you talked about kids, he always said how happy he would be when he found out you two were going to be parents, but for some reason, you had doubts if your boyfriend was just paying lip service.

Those doubts all disappeared, like smoke in the air.

"A-are you happy?"

"How can I not be? What I want most in this life is to have a child with you, my goddess."

You saw a special gleam in his eyes that you had never seen before. It filled your heart with happiness.

He approached a little more and carefully rested his head on your belly.

"Hi there, daddy's talking here, I'm waiting for you ok? But don't be in a hurry." He muttered, which made you melt.

You never thought you could feel so much love in your life.

"Oh, I even forgot that I also had something to say." He said between laughs, but remained on the floor.

"Wouldn't it be better if you spoke to me standing up?" You asked.

"Actually, no." He replied.

You were confused until he took a small black box out of his jacket pocket.

"My queen, you are the most extraordinary person I have ever met in my life, I love you with all my heart and I don't have any doubts that this is what I want." He opened the little box, revealing a beautiful golden ring. "Will you marry me?"

Even though it had just happened before your eyes, you couldn't believe he had just asked you to marry him. You had lost so many important things, that for a long time you didn't believe you could be happy again.

Fortunately, you were wrong.

You had a stable life, a loving future husband and a child of your own on the way, there was nothing more you could want.

"Yes, yes, a million times yes!" You replied euphorically, throwing yourself into his arms and accidentally causing the two of you to fall into the sand, but laughing at the situation.

He smiled seeing how close you were and placed the engagement ring on your thumb, then struggled up and gave you a quick kiss on the lips. You two stood there, eyeing each other affectionately for a while, until you had an idea.

"Hey, wanna go for a swim?" You asked him.

"Swim now? But what about the food?" He questioned.

"It'll still be here when we get back." You replied, as you took his hand and stood up. With a slight tug, you also lifted him off the ground.

You waited patiently for him to remove his jacket, dress shirt and shoes, before the two of you ran hand in hand and followed him into the blue immensity.

The water was very warm as it was a sunny day. That was just one of the reasons why you liked going to the beach at night more, besides the peace and tranquility of having almost no one there.

"Hey, what are you doing?" You asked between amused laughs as he started to splash water on you.

"Starting a war, what do you think I'm doing?" He replied, but you could tell from his tone and the smile on his face that it was just a playful moment.

"Oh you don't know who you're dealing with." You replied equally playful before starting to splash water on him too.

The two of you continued playing, until you dove in again and pulled on his foot to pull him under the water. He was scared at first, but soon calmed down when he saw it was just you.

You swam closer to him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

Nothing in the world made you feel more secure and loved than being in his arms. Or at least halfway, the circumference of your body was too big for him to be able to fully encircle you with his arms, but he tried.

Your loving gazes met again as you began to affectionately caress his cheeks. Without the need to use words, he knew when you wanted a kiss from him.

Your sweet looks soon took on a mischiveous gleam, before your lips meet in a kiss. You always felt like you had fireworks in your belly whenever the two of you kissed, it was fiery and wild, as was your love for each other.

"I'm the happiest shark in the world, I lack nothing else." He murmured, cuddling his cheek against yours.

"Is that so, sugar?" You asked sweetly.

"Yes." He replied, before kissing the tip of your nose. "Thank you so much for giving me the best gift anyone could ever give me."

"Aww, you know I'm not the only one responsible for it all." You joked as you gave him a little push and swam away.

Shark smiled and followed you, realizing you'd gotten him into another game of tag.

You were feeling... Very happy. It was a little weird, you had to admit, but you'd get used to it.

[showtoonzfan]

THE BAD GUYS - LOOKS LIKE A GOOD MOVIE! 🐺🐍🦈🐟🕷💕

Hello all! Back with another post, today we’re going to talk about an upcoming movie I’m honestly genuinely excited for, Dreamworks Animation Studios, “The Bad Guys”, based on the children’s book series by Aaron Blabey! With the second trailer recently coming out, I thought I’d talk about my thoughts, so let’s get started!

https://youtu.be/zpDuBXB_glk

Let me start of by saying, no, I never read the book series. I thankfully DID know the series existed, as a friend in school gave one of the books to me. And no, this wasn’t in like....kindergarten or anything, it was about 10th grade lol. Anyway, I took a look at the book, and I liked it, it was cute, nothing big of course, but not bad. Once I heard Dreamworks was making a movie about it, I was genuinely curious and intrigued, as of course, I love Dreamworks, they’ve had a few slip ups in my opinion....cough.....Boss Baby COUGH, but they’re an amazing studio who’s made REALLY phenomenal movies over the decades. Can I just say real quick that I’m SO glad Disney hasn’t owned it? We lost Blue Sky, I’M NOT LOSING DREAMWORKS DAMMIT! Okay, anyway, once the first trailer dropped 2 months ago, I was hooked, so let’s talk about it!

First of all, you probably knew it was coming, I LOVE THE ART STYLE! The goofy expressions, the lines on the characters in some scenes, the comic book actions when the characters move, (if you know what I mean), even though the movie is CG, the style clearly has 2D inspiration, and I LOVE movies that do that, like Captain Underpants and The Peanuts Movie! (Also yes I know Dreamworks didn’t make the Peanuts movie). The character designs are all cartoony and I just adore it, yet it’s a little realistic at the same time, like the clothing! When it comes to the visuals, man.....if you’re a huge fan of action movies, this looks REALLY good. I love the vibe they seem to be going for, gangs, robbing, car chases, spy stuff, shoot outs (maybe? Hopefully lol that would be COOL). It’s clearly an action packed movie, and you don’t see a lot of kids cartoon action movies today, so that’s one of the reasons why I’m hyped!

Moving on, what is the movie about? Well, the film centers around 5 main characters, a Wolf, a Snake, a Shark, a Piranha, and a Spider. They’re, what else? The BAD guys, as they ensue in robbing, stealing, just committing crimes ect, and let me just say that I LOVE movies and media centered around the villains instead of the good guys. Watching bad guys do cool and bad stuff is just fun to some people, I don’t make the rules. Anyway, back to the plot! Under the description of the movie, this is the synopsis:

“After a lifetime of legendary heists, notorious criminals Mr. Wolf, Mr. Snake, Mr. Piranha, Mr. Shark and Ms. Tarantula are finally caught. To avoid a prison sentence, the animal outlaws must pull off their most challenging con yet -- becoming model citizens. Under the tutelage of their mentor, Professor Marmalade, the dubious gang sets out to fool the world that they're turning good.”

Now while watching the trailer, I think we all an agree that this movie looks cliche lol. We of course have seen other media about bad guys who are just...bad guys at the start, but as the movie or show goes on, they start to have an epiphany and eventually ask themselves “what if I don’t want to be a bad guy?”. We see Mr. Wolf, (oh and by the way, I just LOVE how these characters don’t have names, they’re just named after the animals they are, and it’s fantastic because it totally fits with the classic children’s book formula!) but yeah, we see Mr. Wolf at first hatch up with a plan to pretend to be good, but just like the cute scene with the old lady, he starts to feel negative about himself, wondering if being a villain is what he truly wants. We can then see how upset Mr. Snake is by this, saying that they’ll “always be bad guys”, implying that of course, the rest of the crew probably won’t agree with Mr. Wolf. Now before you wring my neck, just because something is cliche, doesn’t mean it’s BAD. Hell, Illuminations “Despicable Me” sort of had the same premise with the villain turning good, and I absolutely LOVE that movie! In my opinion, cliches and tropes can be used in a movie as long as something new and unique is done with it. HOWEVER, I’m not going to jump into that because the movie isn’t even out yet, but yes, I DO hope we see something new and unique in this movie, and I’m pretty sure we will lol, because again, this movie looks REALLY good in my opinion! I should also say that even if they don’t do anything new with the tropes and cliche’s we’ll be seeing, I STILL would think the movie can be good, because not all movies are like that. This movie to me looks like it’s going to be one of those small harmless kids movies. It’s not trying to be deep or groundbreaking really, it’s just one of those wacky over the top kid’s films, so if you think I’m reading too deep into this movie for a “kids movie” after the stuff I said above, I agree! I just wanted to share my internal thoughts of what I was thinking while watching the trailer. Speaking of that, I have a few more!

So I wanted to share what I think about our main characters of course! I’m hype to see all of them, I genuinely hope that they ALL get enough screen time of course because normally today, movies will only focus on two characters from a 5 or bigger group, so I hope each and every one of them get their time to shine, because I genuinely like them all so far. Mr. Snake looks like he’s going to be a lot of fun, I love how crazy Mr. Piranha and Mr. Shark seem, seriously they’re the characters who look and seem like they have a HIGGGH body count, so I’m all for that lol. Ms. Tarantula you’ll notice isn’t in the books, so I’m glad they added a female character! As for Mr. Wolf, admit it, you only like him because he’s a WOLF and “hot” HUH FURRY? No I’m kidding, in all seriousness, he looks fun as well, the only thing I of course hope this movie does is make him more than just “the cool guy” and flesh him out. Again, I’m pretty sure they’re going to do that, the trailer shows him wondering what it would be like if the world wasn’t afraid of them, as well as him saying he wouldn’t want to leave his crew because they’re all he has. Also again, the movie isn’t out so we’ll have to wait and see! Another thing I want to say is I’m very intrigued and curious on the dynamic between Mr. Wolf and Mr. Snake, (especially since Mr. Snake is the most offended when Wolf implies that he wants to be good) they look like a good duo and seem to be the closest, not ganna lie, they remind me a lot of Lupin and Jigen from the Japanese anime “Lupin The Third”. I’m sorry to make that reference but honestly this whole MOVIE gives me Lupin vibes, and that’s a good thing. Hell, I’m pretty sure someone who worked on this movie revealed one of the style inspirations WAS Lupin, so that’s cool! I hope to see these 5 just bouncing off eachother in the movie, character dynamics are one of the most important things!

Before I wrap this up, let’s talk about the wolf love interest and the Hamster dude. Obviously the wolf gal is going to be the love interest to Mr. Wolf, as she also seems to be in charge of something from the shots we’ve seen with her. I don’t really want to....ya know, LOOK up these characters and what they do because I’m afraid of spoilers, ESPECIALLY since the junior novelization is OUT ALREADY LIKE DAMN. I don’t really have much to say for the wolf gal, I WILL say that I’m glad she’ll be kicking ass because there are a few shots of her on a motorcycle and in a spy suit, so I’m happy for that! Obviously we’re ganna see romantic chemistry between her and Mr. Wolf, so....hope y’all furries are happy lol. When it comes to the hamster, Imma be honest........I GENUINELY think he’ll be the villain of the movie lmao. I don’t know what it is but he just looks suspicious already, and I doubt he’s helping the crew to be good just because he wants to. In my opinion, either the hamster will be the villain, or hell, the female wolf will be, but that’s kinda a stretch. Or....maybe there won’t be one! I honestly would LOVE this movie if there isn’t really a villain, it’s just the conflict and all about the bad guys becoming the good guys ya know?

And there ya have it! Those are my general thoughts for The Bad Guys, I’m SO HYPED for this movie y’all, it looks so cool, especially with all the damn action, and I LOVE cartoon violence lol. I know it’s not out, but if it turns out to be good, I really hope it will be a movie that’ll stick to this generation, so people can look back on it and go “hey, remember the bad guys?” Kinda like Madagascar or Shark Tale. The animation looks amazing, the characters seem fun, and this whole movie looks like it’s going to be a wild ride, and I’m READY. Now that that’s out fo turn way, what do you think of The Bad Guys? Do you think it looks good, and what are your thoughts? Feel free to share, thank you for reading, and I’ll see you soon! 👋💕

[hahagiggles3]

I’m bored so heres what i think the ideal pets/animals are for death note characters

L

i think logically he’d get a cat or a big dog like a bernese mountain breed because theyre calm and fluffy

but his favorite animal would probably be the mantis shrimp

they're colourful shrimp but theyre big and predatory and theyre so weirdly cool

he’d love them because of their interesting habits and builds, as well as the way they catch their food

Light

he couldnt care less about having a pet, so he’d get some cool fish that sayu would name Mr. Bubbles or something

like he could have a tank of piranhas and she’d name them stuff like Gertrude, Daisy, Fluffy, dumb fun things :)

he thinks snakes are cool tho!

there are lots of different kinds of snakes and within those categories there are SUBcategories theres so many kinds

i think snakes are cool so Light thinks snakes r cool okay

Misa!!

she’d keep frogs i think

theyre pretty spontaneous every now and then so theyre fun to watch

she likes taking care of small cute things, but she’d also take an interest in poison dart frogs for their vibrant colors and how deadly they are!!

to keep poison dart frogs you cant feed them the usual bugs they eat because thats how they produce their poison, but she’d like them nonetheless

when she takes them out she puts fancy little hats on them and does photoshoots :)

Matsuda <3

He likes turtles!! they’re easier to take care of because they mostly just sunbathe all day

he loves them like his children and keeps a picture of them in his wallet

he’d love something bigger but his apartment is way too small and he could never replace his babies

Aizawa

he has no time for pets ! he’s got a daughter, a murder investigation, and all sorts of stuff with his wife going on :(

but he’d also like a big dog, one who’s calmer and can jump up on the bed and nap with him

he finds comfort in grooming and taking care of things

Mogi

i think he’d like fish

no reason, he just gives me like,,, neon tetra vibes

Watari

he keeps birds in his garden at wammy's house

no one is allowed in there but roger because they are old and need their peace

Mello & matt

big mean dog that is actually really sweet !!!

Mello keeps trying to train her to attack Near when he shows up unannounced but she just tries to lick Nears face

it basically has the same affect, near sits on the desk when they come by

Matt buys her all sorts of chew toys and treats but she just keeps trying to eat Mello’s chocolate

one christmas she got into his stash and had to get her stomach pumped :(( mello was so nervous

he definitely didn't cry in the car and Matt doesn't have a recording of him hugging her and crying on the drive to the vet

Near

rabbits! he has to keep them outside though, its the rules (aka the only way anyone can get him out of the building and into the sunlight)

he has them in a very large pen and they get lots of salad leaves and raw vegetables all the time

he likes lop bunnies the most, he has a sleepy one who’s allowed inside sometimes if he makes a sad enough face

Beyond Birthday

rats follow him around no matter what <3

likes and reblogs are much appreciated :)

[aficwhore]

Truth Is (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2: In the Moonlight

Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!reader

Summary: After Benny’s fight, Chipmunk and Frankie bicker and have a heated argument, leading to something unexpected. When the moment passes the gang goes back to ‘Chip’s’ place to prepare for Colombia in the morning. Fish and ‘Chip’ reunite in the moonlight, but not for long. 

Word count: 4.9K

Warnings: explicit language, blood, violence, guns/weapons, lots of angst and emotions, infidelity, smut, sexual innuendos, drinking, mentions of drugs, talk of death, and talk of mental health(PTSD and depression).

A/N: I was so excited to start this new part, I had no exact plan on how I want it to go, but I went with what I was feeling in the moment. On a Side note THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 FOLLOWERS, you all are so special to me <3.

“And the winner is!” The announcer yelled, his voice echoing through the arena, pausing just enough to make us anxious, “Ben Miller!” He then raised the hand which held Benny’s arm, to showcase the successor.

In seconds you could hear Will, “Yeah! That’s my baby brother!” followed by proud roars, ours being the loudest in the crowd. I jumped from my seat and started jumping up and down. Too distracted by my glee, I didn’t notice Frankie had stood up from next to me. Once I saw him from the corner of my eye, he picked me up, jumping with me pressed to him, Santi and Tom cheering and playfully slapping each other and Will. 

Though the whole room was bursting with noise and people, when I made eye contact with Francisco, it felt like the whole world stopped. As if we were the only ones here. His smile slowly dropped into a face conflicted with lust and other emotions, I guess mine did the same. He slowly released me, placing me back on my feet, his eyes still bore into mine. 

After a few seconds, his eyes flickered down to my lips. He leaned closer to me, attempting to bring his lips to mine. Feeling my heart stop when his lips lightly brushed mine, I quickly pull away, before our lips could fully meet. Clearing my throat, “We should hurry up and congratulate Benny, then we can all go rest at my house.” 

Fish’s expression read nothing but confusion and sadness. “I-uh, yeah sure.” I swiftly turned to find the boys, but they had already started to make their way through the crowd and back to the locker room. 

My body began to buzz with emotions, not knowing how to feel in this moment. I didn't quite understand why I pulled away, I wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but something didn’t feel right. The timing maybe, or even just the setting, or maybe the fact that I haven’t had closure from that one night many months ago. 

Trying to snap out of my thoughts, I walked a little faster to catch up, hopefully leaving Frankie behind so I could shake this feeling. As I swiftly made it back into the locker room I saw the rest of them surrounding Benny on the bench and making jokes, while Will held a towel to his face, collecting the blood dripping from his split eyebrow.

“Chippy!” the younger Miller exclaimed when his eyes made contact with mine. “Sad to see I didn’t lose?” he questioned with a smirk playing on his lips. 

Shaking my head and laughing, I glided over to him, taking over for Will, and pulling the towel away, examining the cut. “You may have won, but this sure does look nasty Benny Boy.” I light heartedly explained.

“Then it’s a good thing you’re here to patch me up.” He chuckled, a small pleading look in his eyes.

I quickly turned to Will “If I’m gonna fix this, I’m gonna need a first aid kit.” All he did was nod before trailing off the grab one. 

Before I could realize Frankie was in the room with us I heard, “You did great out there kid.” He gave him a nod of approval. “Honestly was surprised, the other guy was a lot bigger than you, which I didn’t think was possible.” 

Benny burst into laughter, Frankie, Santi, and Tom joining in as Will came back and handed me the kit. “Alright boys, I think we should give Mr. BigShot here, a break.” I suggested, opening the kit and pulling out some alcohol pads, gauze, and some bandaids. They all nodded and filed out the back door into the parking lot.

As I began to dab at Benny’s eyebrow, he flinched. “So, you gonna finally tell Fish about everything? You know, since now you guys are kinda talking again?”

“Ben...No, I can’t. You know that. Only you and your brother know.” I explained, attempting to use butterfly tape to seal the cut closed. Carefully, I secured the tape with a bandaid over it, making sure to be gentle as Benny sat perfectly still in front of me, staring at me.

“Fish would be understanding, maybe even regretful with how he acted. If you just told him, he would realize how dumb everything was!” The kid chirped in a hopeful tone.

With a frustrated sigh, I spoke. “No Benny, I don’t think it’s worth it, because I’m not over how he handled it all.” I turned away from him, picking up the trash from the first aid kit.

He tried to convince me again, reaching up for my shoulder. “But you won't even give it a chance, what if-” 

“No! I already said no! Leave it alone! If I want to, then I will do it when I want to!” I shouted, letting my anger out. I yanked out of his grip, causing a sad look to appear on his slightly tattered face. He stayed silent, making me feel quite bad for raising my voice. “Look hun, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Just so many emotions were awoken today. You can’t blame me.”

He quietly shook his head and stood up. Towering over me, he stepped towards me and wrapped his big and long arms around me, securing me in a well-needed hug. “I’m sorry, I pushed it, I shouldn’t have. I get it, you need time to process and heal. Don’t apologize, I love you Chip.” 

“I love you too B.” I hugged him back for a brief moment. “But please, for the love of all things holy, go take a shower.” I tilted back smiling up at him, reaching up and pinching my nose shut to make fun of him.

“That’s rude.” He scoffed with a smile on his lips. “I’ll see you tonight at your’s, right?” He asked as he gathered his things, heading off to the showers.

I nodded, waving and spinning around to leave out the back. When I walked through the door, I was greeted with Frankie. He was leaning against the wall next to the door. I glanced around, in hopes to find the others, but they all had vanished.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you.” He spoke, pushing himself off the wall and towards me. I nonchalantly crossed my arms, still looking around.

“What about the others?” I inquired, wanting to avoid this conversation.

“They left, I told them I would drive you home and meet them there after they grab everything.” He revealed, taking in an encouraging breath. “But I wanted to talk to you about something, about us. To be exact.” He paused, stretching his hand out, behind his neck. As he began to sheepishly rub the back of his neck, he continued. “Look, I know things happened very badly, and I could’ve listened. And if I did, maybe we would- I don’t know, maybe we would still be together. But if you just told me the truth-”

“Excuse me? I know you are not trying to apologize and then still say its my fault I didn’t tell you everything?” I interrupted angrily. 

His body tensed, I could physically see the anger arising in him. “Would you just shut up and let me talk?” He spat, making me slightly jump in my skin. “This is another reason why things happened the way they did, you don’t know when to stop and be quiet.”

“You know what, fuck you.” I reacted, “Want to know what I was keeping from you? Want to finally know the goddamned truth? Well Dr. Philips is my fucking therapist.” His face contorted with confusion. “I was getting help, because I was getting worse again. The nightmares came back, and so did the depression, but I was too ashamed of telling anyone. So Fuck off Frankie.” 

Twisting around, I began to make my way out to the street. “Nena (babygirl), damn it, please, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know.” He pleaded from behind me. 

Completely ignoring him, I kept walking in the direction of my apartment, even though it was blocks, maybe even miles away. When I heard his footsteps get closer, I sped up, trying to lose him once again. Then finally, it was quiet, except the sound of my own feet on the sidewalk and the bustle of the city.

After walking for a few more minutes, my anger calmed, until I heard a car pull up and drive slowly next to me. 

“Por favor (please), get in the car.” Francisco’s voice came from the window of the car. I acted as if I didn’t hear anyone and kept walking, facing straight ahead. “Stop being stubborn and get in! You can’t walk all the way home, it’s going to get dark!”

I rolled my eyes, still ignoring him. Then I no longer could hear the car, which piqued my curiosity, had he really given up that easily? I slowed my pace and as I turned my head to glance behind me, I was lifted into the air. “Hey! Put me down! Help! Help!” I screamed.

“Would you cut it out!” Frankie shouted, struggling to hold on to me as I swung and flailed in his arms. 

“I’m being kidnapped! Someone help!” I kept yelling. “Save me-” My voice being muted as he clamped a firm hand over my mouth, continuing to drag me into his car. As he was forcing me to sit in the passenger side, he yelped. “I know you did not just bite me!”

I huffed, “Well if you weren't trying to abduct me, I wouldn't have to!” His hand reached over me to buckle the seat belt around me, I leaned forward, attempting to bite him again. 

“What are you?! A fucking piranha?!” He screeched, yanking back.

Though he pulled back, his face was still inches away from mine. Our eyes met again. Our feud seemed to melt away with each passing second that his eyes bore into mine. I no longer wanted to put up a fight. Every inch of me ached for me to forgive him and make up, but I couldn’t. No matter how badly I wished to, I knew that our split wasn’t my fault, nor his, but its both of our faults for being so stubborn. 

“Baby,” He spoke softly, pulling me back to reality. His gorgeous brown eyes still locked on mine. His lips lay slightly open, fanning his breath across my face. His breath smelled like mint, it mixed with his scent. He always smelled woodsy, like pine and bergamot. I had missed his intoxicating smell for so long, that I wanted to revel in it, even just for a few seconds. 

I reached out my hand, letting it carefully caress his cheek, his stubble rough against my palm. He didn’t move, he stayed just a hand’s length away, allowing me to sweep my fingers along his cheek, down his neck, and to the collar of the shirt he wore. I gripped the ring of fabric and tugged him forward, crashing his pillowy lips against mine. 

It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was a needy, rough kiss. Our teeth clashed as our lips parted, inviting each other in. Our tongues swept across each other as one of his hands tangled into my hair and the other gripping my jaw, coaxing me to open up more for him.

It felt like sweet relief, longing and pining had been all forgotten. The man I missed so much, was right in front of me, touching me, kissing me, which I dreamed of for nights on end. 

When I let go of his shirt and began to trail my hand lower, Frankie released my jaw and stopped my hand. He broke the kiss, offering a light chuckle when I whined at the loss of contact. 

“You have no idea how much I missed that. How much I missed you. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t respect your boundaries and that you weren’t ready to tell me.” He whispered with worry, placing his forehead on mine, rubbing his nose against my nose. I closed my eyes taking in the feeling. He laced his fingers with mine, with the hand that still held it to his chest. 

“I know Francisco, I’m sorry too. I should’ve told you, I could've still had you all these past months if I just got over myself and came clean.” I choked out, trying to keep calm.

He squeezed my hand, “Its okay, it’s over now. Please tell me its over.” It sounded like he was close to crying.

I nodded quickly, not wanting to speak, because if I did, I know my voice would crack with emotion. 

He remained crouched halfway into the passenger side, forehead to forehead with me. “Amor (love), they're going to make it to my house before I do.” I giggled, regretting my words moments later when we split. He nodded with a smile, stepped back and shut my door. He hurried around and got back in, starting the engine and making his way to my apartment. 

During the drive he reached over, taking my hand in his, and glancing over every once in a while to make sure I was okay. 

We sat in comfortable silence, until he spoke up. “I still have to run by my place and grab my things, do you mind if we stop on the way?” 

“Not at all.” I responded, bringing up our joined hands, to kiss the back of his. 

We rushed to his place, I stayed in the car as he ran in and gathered what he needed. It all seemed a blur, the euphoria from the event minutes before clouding my brain. 

When we made it back to my place it was dark and everyone was already inside, I guess one of the Miller’s used their spare key to get in. I helped Frankie grab his bags and head inside with them. As we walked through the door, the rest of the team was huddled on my couch, scarfing down pizza which I assume Benny bought. They glanced up and waved quickly before going back to eating and watching whatever they were playing on the TV. I set Fish’s stuff down with the other’s and walked further into the living room to find that the boys had laid out their blankets and pillows for the night already. 

I sat on the floor in front of the boys and grabbed a slice of pizza while Frankie set up his own area to sleep. When he finished, he strolled over and sat next to me. 

For the rest of the movie they guys were watching, we ate and chatted until we got tired and were ready for bed. I made sure to pick up the mess we made and helped the boys get comfy. When they were all laid down and falling fast asleep like children, I smiled to myself as I turned off the lights and headed to my room to turn in for the night. 

I tiptoed quietly, careful not to wake them as I walked to the laundry room and changed into my sleep clothes. Right as I made it back to my room, a hand reached out and covered my mouth to muffle the startled scream I was about to let out. 

“Its me, its just me.” Frankie’s voice contrasted with the silence of the room. I relaxed, turning around to face him. It was dark but I could still see some of his features with the help of the moonlight coming through the windows. 

His eyes crinkled with a smile, his teeth shining brightly. I couldn’t help but lean forward and kiss him. This kiss was loving and gentle. His lips moved against mine as I let my arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer. Feeling him flush against me, made my skin become hot with want and need. 

He seemed to notice because he deepened the kiss, pushing me further into my room and shutting the door behind us. In seconds he spun us around and pressed me against the wall. He tilted his head back to look at me, not daring to move, except his arm.

His cool hand trailed up my thigh, dragging my sleepshirt with it. His fingers leave goosebumps in their wake. The material bunching on my hip, revealing the shorts I had on. I felt breathless from his touch as his index finger dipped into the waistband, lightly tugging on it. “Please tell me you need this as much as I do cariño.” He pauses with his nose nudging the side of my jaw, waiting for a response.

“Yes, pl-please, just touch me Frankie.” I stuttered, feeling my heart beat harder for him. In an instant, he drug the shorts down my legs, following them, and kissing the skin they surpassed. Once they were off and tossed away, he began his journey back up, but stopping at my stomach. I gasped as he kissed and licked at the hem of my panties, tasting the fabric and soft tummy underneath.

Through his eyelashes, he looked up and met my admiring gaze. My skin burned with desire, as if his touch was the only cure.

With little effort he wrapped one of his hands around my calf, pulling it up, and placing it over his shoulder, causing me to push my weight against the wall behind me. A small smirk finds its way to his face as he moves my panties to the side. Feeling vulnerable and exposed, I carded my hand through his hair, silently begging him to touch me.

“Paciencia mi amor (Patience my love).” his breath ghosted over my wet core, making me whimper with need. And at that moment he dipped down, placing a sloppy kiss where I wanted him most.

He placed another open mouth kiss on my mound, letting his tongue peak out and part me. My breath hitched when I felt his warm tongue flick at my aching clit. He did it again, causing me to buck my hips, asking for more friction. As he continued, slowly beginning to roll and suck on the bundle of nerves, he ran his hands up the back of my thighs, gripping my ass and pulling more of my weight onto his shoulders. 

He sucked harder, bringing a hand forward, and dipping his fingers into my wetness. “Fuck, I missed your sweet taste.” He murmured from between my legs, scissoring me open with his fingers. A moan escaped my lips, not loud, but enough to spur Frankie on. He started to go faster, working me closer and closer to the edge. His hot breath encompassing my wet heat when he would open his mouth to lick a broad stripe up my slit.

Losing focus on all things other than the man situated at my cunt, I could feel him swiping his tongue across my lips, as if he was spelling something. His movements were too intricate for me to understand, if he was spelling. 

I could feel a mix of my arousal and his spit start to drip down my thigh, sending a shiver up my spine. He broke away from my wetness, and chased the leaking fluid, catching it with his tongue, licking and sucking up the trail slowly, teasing me, making me wait longer for a release. 

My head started to spin with lust, nothing but quiet whimpers and his name leaving my mouth. “Please, stop teasing m-” I was cut off by him curling his fingers and speeding up. He placed his mouth back on me, determined to make me finish. I tugged his hair on accident, the pleasure surging through my body.

He moaned into me from my actions, vibrations radiating through me, allowing the coil in my stomach to tighten quickly. “Yes, don’t stop,” I moaned, trying to keep my voice low. Even though my body burned for me to scream in ecstasy, there were four other men in my living room asleep.

He curled his fingers again, hitting my g-spot. A loud moan eludes me, I quickly bring my hand, free of his hair, up to my lips, biting the skin on the back, in hopes of muffling my noises.

Just as I thought I had it under control, the coil tightened to its max, and snapped. I felt my legs rush with heat and wetness. MY legs threatened to give out as Frankie kept going, prolonging the white, hot, orgasm ripping through me. He gripped my ass again, holding me up, he could feel my legs tremble around him. 

Feeling a little too sensitive I slightly jerked away, slowing coming down from cloud nine. He took this as a sign to stop, he pulled back, placed a gentle kiss to my lips for the last time. He peered up at me, watching my relaxed face come back to reality, and stroking my thighs. 

As my breathing calmed, I looked down, finding my handsome Frankie, staring at me with adoration in his eyes and a smile on his face. I picked my leg off his shoulder, leaned over and grabbed his face in my hands, tugging him up to meet me, embracing him in a passionate and strong kiss. 

I could taste myself on his lips, his face wet with my slick, letting our lips glide smoothly against each other. He placed his hands back on my ass, walking back towards the bed, and me still pressed to him.

His knees backed into the edge of the frame, but he still stood tall. I broke the kiss, a seductive smile on my lips. I grabbed the hem of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head, showing my bare chest to him. I tossed the shirt away and stepped out of my soaked panties, kicking them into the abyss of the dark room.

Frankie watched me intently, never taking his eyes off my frame. I came close to him, my fingers playing with this shirt. In seconds he tore off his shirt and began to yank his shorts and underwear down. Once they pooled at his feet, I leaned into him, kissing his jaw, nipping at the skin while my hand found his naked member, hard and leaking. His breath caught in his throat when I lightly stroked him. 

“I’m not go-going to last long baby, its been too long.” He choked out, struggling to keep his cool. I nodded, placing one last kiss to his neck. I stepped next to him, to get on the bed. I got on my knees, looking back to make sure he was watching me. As we made eye contact, I slowly bent forward, stretching my arms out straight in front of me. I guided my chest down and into the mattress, leaving my ass in the air and on display for him. 

I relaxed my face into the covers, feeling him touching my thighs and ass, lightly pinching the skin as he traveled up the skin. 

“Mierda (shit), all for me?” he questioned with a playful slap to my right cheek, luring a soft moan from me.

“Yes, all for you Frankie, always.” I responded, shaking my ass, hoping he would fuck me soon. The bed dipped behind my knees as he joined me. Thats when I felt his hard cock pressed to my cunt. He tapped himself on my clit, causing me to surge forward at the contact. 

He chuckled, “Are you sure princesa?” as he ran his head through my folds, eliciting a moan from me.

“Yes, Jesus Frankie, just fuck me already.” I growled frustratedly.

At my command, he lined himself up at my entrance and pushed into me. The stretch was borderline painful, it had been months since I'd taken him, and he was already bigger than all my exes.

Once he bottomed out, he gripped my hip and snaked his free arm around me, pulling me up and flush against his chest. He began to kiss and suck my neck, slowly rocking into me. His hand stayed at the base of my neck, splayed across my collarbones, pressing me into him. 

“Faster,” I whined, feeling him move quicker and more deliberately. His breath tickled my ear as he groaned, feeling me tightly wrapped around him.

As his pace quickened, I reached a hand behind me and braced it on his upper thigh, attempting to meet his hips. With a particularly aimed thrust, I moaned fairly loud, being consumed by the pleasure.

“Shh,” He spoke between grunts, “Unless you want the boys to know that I'm balls deep in you, filling you up with my cock.” He gave a hard thrust, never losing his pace. My free hand slapped my mouth, covering my cries.

Our hips sped up, meeting more passionately, with more meaning. With every thrust, all problems between us seemed to dissipate. I no longer cared about all things before tonight. All that mattered was him, us, and this moment. Being connected to him again never felt so good.

All that could be heard in the silence was the snap of his hips against mine, the small noises we let escape us, and the quiet creak of the bed below us. The moonlight illuminated our entangled bodies, the sweat gleaming in the night. 

The coil in my stomach tightening again, the waves of pleasure threatening to spill over the edge. Frankie had to be getting close, his thrusts became more erratic. He reached his hand from hip, down to my clit, rubbing in tight circles, trying to bring me to the brink with him.

“Fuck you're so tight, w-where do you-” He questioned until I cut him off.

“Cum in me baby.” I moaned, feeling my orgasm take over, the waves of bliss crashing down, taking me with it. Whiteness blinded my vision as my body convulsed against his chest. 

He thrusted a few more times before he let out a broken grunt, pumping his load into me, mixing our hot releases together, letting them seep out and down our legs. 

I turned my head to the side, reaching back and grabbing the back of Frankie’s head, pulling him into a kiss as we calmed down. The smell of sex filling our senses. He slowly pulled out causing me to whine at the loss of him. 

When we finally recovered, he got off the bed, taking me with him to the bathroom. He sat me on the sink, opened the cabinet underneath and grabbed a cloth, coming back up to wet it. Then he gently spread my thighs apart, cleaning up the remnants of the act. He then cleaned himself.

“You should go to the bathroom while I grab our pajamas.” He spoke softly, pressing a kiss to my lips and turned to scavenge for our clothes we had lost in the dark corners of my room. 

I hopped off the counter and sat on the toilet. I went to the bathroom, but began to feel exhausted. My eyelids felt heavy, drooping over my eyes.

Frankie came back in, only dressed in his boxers, my clothes in his hand. “I know love, let’s get you dressed so we can sleep.” He whispered, helping me up and helped me get dressed. His face had an unreadable expression, what could he be thinking? All was forgotten when he picked me up bridal style and led us to my bed, he pulled the covers back and laid me down, tucking me in. 

He wondered around the bed and got in behind me. He pulled me to his chest as sleep began to drag me under. His arm laid across my body and his hand splayed across my chest, feeling my heartbeat. Thats all I could process as I fell more deeply into slumber.

It may have been a dream but I felt him lean over, kiss my temple and whisper “I’m sorry for everything.” And everything went peacefully dark.

I couldn't tell how long I was asleep until someone began to shake me. “Chip, get up, it’s time to leave.” I groaned, not wanting to get out of the comfort of my bed and the comfort of Frankie next to me, or so I thought. 

My eyes snapped open to find Ben crouched next to the bed, face to face with me. I jolted up with surprise, quickly looking around to find Frankie, only to be disappointed. 

“Woah woah! Calm down, it’s Benny.” The man child looked frightened. 

I sighed, maybe it was a good thing Fish wasn’t in here, it could make a lot of questions amongst the team arise. But when did he leave? 

“Oh sorry Ben, I-I was sleeping too hard,” I lied. 

“It seems so,” he chuckled “Breakfast is ready, everyone is up and ready.” He explained. I nodded and he left, allowing me privacy to change. I quickly threw on my cargo pants and shirt, rushing to grab my packed bags. I brushed my teeth and hair in a hurry. I headed straight past everyone in the kitchen, out the door to throw my things in the truck.

When I came back in, everyone was staring at me. But I only made eye contact with one of them, Frankie. And the look on his face pained me, his expression was full of regret.

TAGLIST

@tanyaherondale​

@winter-fox-queen​

@supernaturalgirl​

@actual-spawn-of-satan​

@hnt-escape

@toomanystoriessolittletime​

*if your user has a strike through, it wouldn’t let me tag you*

[riversofmars]

New chapter as I’m on a bit of a roll, yay! Please enjoy more questions and very few answers :)

Chapter 6: When Good People Go To War

Space, 52nd Century

“So the Library…“ Yaz crossed her arms in front of her chest feeling uncomfortable. She didn’t like not knowing what she was in for. “What are we going to find there?“

“A Library is a collection of books.“ Strax retorted matter-of-factly as he set the course. Even with hyper speed travel, it would take them a while to get there.

“It’s a planet.“ Vastra answered as Strax’s response was not very helpful. “A planet that has been turned into the biggest Library in the universe. At its core, the greatest computer and hard drive ever built, to store a copy of every book ever written… and after the Doctor left, also the consciousnesses of those who lost their lives there.“

“That must be really weird, people coming and going, checking out books and they’re there, watching it all?“ Yaz frowned, trying to wrap her head around it.

“Well, not quite like that. The Library isn’t actually being used anymore.“ Vastra smiled, though for a moment, the idea was a pleasant one. It certainly would make the Professor’s fate less lonely. “The Vashta Nerada have taken over the Library so no organic being would be safe to enter.“

“The what?“ Yaz asked, confused.

“The Vashta Nerada, shadows that can kill. Piranhas of the air, people like to call them, nasty things.“ Dorium threw in, shuddering at the thought.

“And Professor Song, her consciousness is in that computer?“ Yaz clarified and there were nods all round. “So, like… can we turn on a computer screen and talk to her?“ She was still struggling to imagine how they would go about this.

“If we can get past the Nashta Nerada first…“ Vastra nodded.

“It will be no matter, I shall take great joy in obliterating them.“ Strax announced.

“You do realise you can’t shoot shadows, Strax.“ Jenny pointed out with a roll of her eyes.

“I have brought UV grenades.“ The Sontaran grinned with excitement.

“We shall assess the situation upon our arrival, Strax.“ Vastra decided to put an end to the conversation before it would turn into a presentation of weapons equipment and engagement strategies.

“You wouldn’t mind… dropping me off somewhere first, would you?“ Dorium piped up. He wasn’t exactly eager to be part of this expedition. “Keep the shuttle as my contribution to the cause but I’d really much rather…“

“No, you played a large part in creating this mess. You can see to it being resolved.“ Vastra retorted curtly.

“It’s just, last time I was made to sign up to one of the Doctor’s causes, I lost a lot of… myself as it were. And all of you were there, too, so I’m not taking this for a good omen.“ Dorium tried to reason but Vastra wouldn’t hear of it.

“None of this is good, Mr. Maldovar.“

“Then, perhaps you wouldn’t mind clarifying something for me…“ He sighed, realising that he wouldn’t be able to get out of this that easily.

“What’s that then?“ Jenny asked.  

“You spoke of a child. Not the Timeless Child, the message I gave to the Professor, but an actual child… the Doctor’s child?“ Dorium said slowly, making sure he had heard them right. It shed a completely different light on things if it were true.

“The Professor was pregnant when she left Darillium chasing after the information you provided.“ Vastra replied pointedly. It didn’t serve to keep him in the dark but she also didn’t feel like sharing the Doctor’s personal affairs with him in great detail.

“The child was kidnapped. That’s why we’re here.“ Jenny explained more patiently than her wife.

“And you believe the same person that had me pass information to Professor Song is also behind the kidnapping.“ Dorium frowned, connecting the dots.

“The Master, yes.“ Yaz put in. That subject, at least, was one on which she could speak with some authority. She had met the Master and he seemed cruel and clever enough to be behind this, should he really have escaped death.

“And you’re sure of that?“ Dorium retorted with a frown.

“You yourself gave the description of the man.“ Yaz retorted. “And it sounded an awful lot like him.“

“It’s just… the last time a child was kidnapped…“ Dorium glanced to Vastra who lowered her gaze, recalling what he was referring to. “Am I the only one who feels like history is repeating itself?“

“How so?“ Yaz asked, looking around the room.

“The day Mr. Maldovar lost his body was the day that Doctor went after another stolen child. The child of their best friends…“ Vastra took it upon herself to explain. It was about time the caught Yaz up on key events of the Doctor’s past.

“She’s not dead, you know, Madame Kovarian.“ Dorium threw in.

“She has no power now. The Order of the Silence has disbanded. The Church stood with the Doctor at Tranzelore.“ Vastra shook her head, refusing to believe what he was inferring. Madame Kovarian’s plan to kill the Doctor had failed and the Order of the Silence hadn’t been heard of in a long time.

“A fanatic like Kovarian doesn’t just go away. Her obsession and anger just festers…“ Dorium carried on. “And what better way to take revenge than by taking the child of River Song herself…“

“I’m afraid you will have to fill me in on this…“ Yaz felt at a loss again. “Does the Doctor really have so many enemies?“ Having enemies seemed to come with the territory for the Doctor but neither the Cybermen nor the Daleks seemed the type to kidnap a child. The Master seemed to fit the brief a lot more but Yaz hadn’t considered that there were any number of past foes of the Doctor’s that could also be involved.

“There are a great many people out there who would do unspeakable things to hurt the Doctor.“ Vastra retorted bitterly.

“But to use a child…“ Yaz shook her head. The Master was without a doubt a lunatic so she could imagine it, but any sane person would surely draw the line at using someone’s child.

“It’s Kovarian’s modus operandi.“ Dorium couldn’t help but point out.

“A long time ago, the Doctor travelled with Amy Pond and Rory Williams. A lovely couple. Kind. Courageous…“ Vastra gave a little smile as she remembered the Ponds fondly. “The Doctor’s greatest weakness have always been the people they love… Amy was pregnant and the Order of the Silence kidnapped her, lead by the fanatic that is Madame Kovarian. The Doctor raised an army to get her back.“

“You were part of that army?“ Yaz looked to Dorium who gave a wary smile.

“We all were.“ Jenny interjected.

“A glorious battle! I very nearly met my demise.“ Strax stated, gratified at the memory. “What a disappointment when I woke up two days later…“ He added grumpily.

“I can see why you feel like history is repeating itself…“ Yaz nodded slowly. “Did you succeed?“

“Amy had her daughter while imprisoned by the Silence. Melody, she called her, Melody Pond.“ Vastra carried on. “And there was a battle: the battle for Demon’s Run.“

“Demons run when a good man goes to war.“ Dorium mumbled, the words still haunting him.

“The Doctor is a good man… woman, I mean…“ Yaz felt the need to point out.

“No doubt about that.“ Vastra nodded but with a bittersweet smile. “But their hubris got the better of them. Kovarian tricked them. We saved Amy but the child remained with Kovarian and they took her away…“

“What happened to her?“ Yaz’s eyes widened in shock. She couldn’t imagine the Doctor failing to save the child.

“She went to prison.“ Strax announced.

“Strax.“ Jenny shot him a glare and he huffed:

“Sorry, I got ahead of myself.“

“She was raised by the Silence and trained to be an assassin, her one purpose was to kill the Doctor.“ Vastra revealed.

“They raised a child to be a weapon?“ Yaz shook her head in disbelief.

“A most effective one.“ Vastra gave a sad smile.

“And did she…? I mean… the Doctor is still alive so… what happened to Melody? In the end?“ Yaz wasn’t sure whether she wanted to know the answer. She so badly wanted there to be a happy ending to the story but it seemed unlikely.

“She grew up and instead of killing the Doctor, she fell in love with them. Melody Pond became River Song.“ Vastra smiled at how wonderful a turn of events it had been. Tragic yes. And it didn’t undo all the pain any of them had been through, but something good had come out of it in the end.

Yaz didn’t know what to say. That was not the answer she had expected but somehow, it seemed to make perfect sense. River was a time traveller, too; and the Doctor had said how their timelines were running in complex patterns. Of course the Doctor’s wife was something extraordinary in herself. They seemed to suit each other just fine and despite everything, Yaz smiled at how extraordinary a tale it was. The lost child, the would be assassin, to become their wife. In many ways, it seemed like a fairy tale.

“She did go to prison though…“ Strax huffed, intent on making his point.

“She took the blame for the Doctor’s supposed death and went to prison but that’s just one of the examples of the length to which they will do for each other.“ Vastra conceded.

“But her parents… did they…“ Yaz couldn’t imagine what the parents must have gone through.

“They didn’t get to raise their child, no. They came to know her well and spent a lot of time with her but at the end of the day, they still lost their child…“ Vastra gave a sad smile.

“We can’t let that happen to the Doctor, we can’t!“ Yaz exclaimed, as she understood. The Doctor had seen the pain at the loss of a child in her best friends, it was no wonder she couldn’t think clearly. She was beginning to understand why the Doctor was acting the way she was. History was repeating itself and they couldn’t allow that to happen.

“I fully agree.“ Vastra nodded, as did the others.

“But you can see why taking their child would be the perfect revenge for someone like Madame Kovarian.“ Dorium mused.

“We can’t discount that possibility…“ Vastra admitted thoughtfully. So far, they had no evidence one way or another. All they could do was follow all possible leads until one paid off.

“I shall make some enquires…“ Dorium decided. He knew she wasn’t going to be let of the hook so he might as well get on with it. “If you wouldn’t mind getting me a neuro transmitter to pair to the shuttles communication equipment, in the drawer to your left…“ Strax followed his instruction and retrieved the item. “So annoying, I was gonna have the chip for instant control of this ship implanted next week…“ Dorium sighed. Dreadful timing.

“I shall leave you to make your enquires, Mr. Maldovar. I fear I may require a lie down, I don’t think I’m quite myself yet…“ Vastra nodded and stood slowly, feeling exhausted.

“This way, Ma’am.“ Jenny looped her arm around her and lead her further into the shuttle.

Strax supplied Dorium with a little chip that he attached to his temple before returning to his apparent favourite activity: searching the shuttle for anything that could be used as a weapon. There was no way of knowing what might come in handy, he’d insisted.

They left Yaz to ponder what she had just learned. She found a seat by the window, stars rushing past so quickly she couldn’t make them out. So she stared into the emptiness of deep space. Learning about the Doctor’s past was painful. She couldn’t even begin to understand what she had been through. It certainly cast her behaviour in a a different light. She could only hope they would succeed where the Doctor had failed in the past.

——

The TARDIS

The TARDIS landed on Gallifrey with it’s usual wheezing and groaning and somewhere in the back of the Doctor’s mind, River scolded her for leaving the breaks on. Thousands of years worth of habit weren’t corrected as easily as that. The memory made her smile, despite herself. She flicked on a monitor and scanned the outsides to see whether the death particle had rendered the planet uninhabitable or if its effects had dispersed. It appeared to be the latter as the TARDIS couldn’t detect anything that would be harmful to her.

She didn’t step outside straight away. She wasn’t quite prepared to face Gallifrey again just yet. It wasn’t just the destruction she had left in her wake, or the prospect of finding the Master - dead or alive. It was the painful memories of both the recent and the very distant past. Stalling for time, the Doctor decided to put on a fresh shirt as she was starting to feel uncomfortable in her sweaty, sticky clothes.

The Doctor hadn’t used her bedroom in over nineteen years, since before her imprisonment by the Juddoon. She hadn’t exactly had time for a lie down whilst fighting the Daleks upon her return. She’d barely had had a moment to breath, let alone sleep. Thankfully, Time Lords didn't require much sleep as she used to point out to River. She corrected herself in her own mind. It wasn’t that Time Lords didn’t require much sleep… whatever species she was didn’t require it… Or should she continue referring to herself as a Time Lord and just adjust her viewpoint that the people of Gallifrey weren’t? Had they just been poor imitations of what a Time Lord should be? She shook her head to herself, clearing her mind. She was distracting herself with things that were entirely inconsequential.

She found her bedroom the way she had left it: A mess. She stepped over books, clothes and empty custard creams packets on her way to the wardrobe. The content of the wardrobe itself was the oddest collection of clothes one could have imagined. There were shirts and jumpers dotted with question marks, various three piece suits, capes, leather jackets and blazers, long coats in all shapes and sizes, scarfs, bow ties, hats, braces… The Doctor stalled her flicking through when she found a green dress. They weren’t just her clothes. The Doctor pushed it aside and carried on, but there was the suit she’d worn on Darillium, the Stetson River had put a hole through, River’s Melody Malone trench coat… Tears blurred the Doctor’s vision. She had kept her emotions concerning River locked away so neatly all that time and everything was boiling to the surface. She missed her so much. She was furious with her for leaving Darillium when she did, particularly keeping the secrets she had, but there was so much love too. So much longing. The had worked through her grief in the years since Darillium. She had locked the painful feelings away, and now, the loss of her love hurt more keenly than ever before.

The Doctor took a deep breath and grabbed a change of clothes. Her emotional state would only get worse if she delayed.

The trousers were a bit long, but she stuffed them into the tops of her boots. The shirt fitted surprisingly well, she had been stick-thin a few regenerations back, all she had to do was turn the sleeves up. Braces were braces, they didn’t get sweaty so she kept them. She contemplated the bow tie but decided against it. Perhaps that would be going a bit far. She took comfort in the familiar clothes. The shirt she’d worn the first time she had met River in the Library, the trousers that still had sand from the beach of Lake Silencio in its pockets… She was just about to grab what River had like to refer to as a magician’s coat when the TARDIS interrupted: It came to life around her, humming and wheezing, demanding her attention. Colour drained from the Doctor’s face as she bolted from her bedroom, down the corridor towards the control deck. She had made a grave mistake.

——

Sheffield, 2021

“Did we really have to go right now?“ Graham looked to Kate who was driving. She had insisted they pack the essential right away so they could get going.

“Well, it’s a four-and-a-half-hour drive and I would like to sleep in my own bed tonight. Well, I say my own bed… it’s been home for a few months now.“ The former UNIT chief answered as she indicated and pulled onto the motorway. “But we really can’t take the risk of hanging around. We don’t have time to lose.“

“Where are we going?“ Ryan asked looking out of the window, well-lit Meadowhall shrunk away in the distance.

“UNIT officially doesn’t exist anymore so we can’t use their bases or equipment, it would be too easy to find us if activity was detected, but we can’t do completely without resources. There have been other organisations dealing with the extraterrestrial that have closed down as well, there are bases all over the UK if you know where to look.“ Kate explained focusing on the road ahead.

“Four and half hours… London?“ Graham asked, looking outside as well. That wouldn’t be right. They were heading north on the M1.  

“No, other direction, we’re going to Glasgow.“ Kate revealed with a smile.

“Okay, this is not what I expected…“ Graham looked out of the window as they pulled up at their destination. It was the middle of the night but it was a clear one. The moon provided enough light to outline the surrounding area.

“You should know not to judge a book by its cover by now.“ Kate smile, amused, as they got out of the car. They found themselves in a parking lot not far from the River Clyde. The area seemed rough, there weren’t any people around. “This way, gentlemen.“ She called over her shoulder as she marched up to an abandoned warehouse and opened up a rushy looking panel on the wall.

“That’s a bit more like it.“ Ryan mumbled to Graham as he spotted the hand print reader that didn’t look rusty at all.

“Nothing like a good disguise. It’s not a chameleon circuit but it does the trick.“ Kate pressed her hand to the pad and the door slid opened. They stepped into what looked like an empty warehouse and this time, Graham and Ryan knew not to comment until Kate had revealed the next level of security. “Just over there, the elevator.“

“You have to be kidding me.“ Graham shook his head to himself. The elevator, if it could be called that, was a metal cage that looked a good fifty years old. It didn’t exactly look safe.

“I’m sure you’ve experienced worse with the Doctor.“ Kate pointed out as she got inside.

“I suppose that’s true.“ Ryan huffed. The got in the lift and Kate pressed the button to send them down. Wherever down was. The elevator stuttered a little, then it went through what looked like two rings of light and suddenly, the brittle metal around them transformed to sleek carbon alloy. The warehouse disappeared from view as they sped towards their destination.

“Woah…“ Ryan didn't know what else to say as the cart ground to a halt and they found themselves in a sort of air lock. This was not what they had expected to find below a riverside warehouse in a dodgy area of Glasgow.

“Where are we?“ Graham asked as the airlock opened, rolling aside to grant them passage.

“This, gentlemen, is Torchwood Two.“ The stepped into what looked like a vast laboratory. It was like a whole building under ground. There was an entrance area, a corridor with rooms shooting off it, most of the walls were made of glass and allowed them to scan the impressive underground structure. There were stairs going downward too and some more leading up again. It wasn’t unlike stepping out of the TARDIS and finding yourself on an advanced alien planet.

“Torchwood? Isn’t that where what’d-his-face used to…“ Ryan started but was interrupted:

“Welcome home, Chief!“ A voice boomed down the corridor as none other than Jack Harkness stuck his head out of what appeared to be the kitchen. He saluted, as he always did, with great enthusiasm. “Oh, I don’t know which one of you to kiss first, come here you two, I’ve missed you!“ He grinned at Ryan and Graham.

“Steady on, Captain.“ Kate smirked and Jack settled for tight hugs.

“Careful with the wandering hands.“ Another female and distinctly Welsh voice sounded rather amused.

“You obviously know Captain Jack Harkness.“ Kate chuckled. “And this is Agent Gwen Cooper.“ She gestured towards a brunette that made her way towards them. Gwen gave a little wave.

“Nice to meet you.“ She greeted them with a warm smile as she joined them at the entrance. “Glad to have all the help we can get.“

“This is awesome, I had no idea we have places like this on Earth.“ Ryan was still in awe, looking around.

“No-one is supposed to know. UNIT has several places like this but they would be too tightly guarded. The Torchwood Institute disbanded quite a long time ago now.“ Kate explained patiently as they started making their way down the main corridor. “With Torchwood One and Three destroyed and Four missing, Two was our best bet. It had been shut down but we’ve done our best to revive it.“

——

The Library, 52nd Century

“What are you doing here?“ Anita found her voice and she addressed the woman who had appeared with the child. The woman didn’t respond, she didn’t seem to have heard her at all, she just carried on with her work. “Hello?“ Anita walked around them and waved her arms but no reaction from either her, or the child.

“This is a memory.“ River realised as she looked around. She watched, fascinated and horrified in equal measures as time seemed to skip ahead. The examinations, experimentations and tests continued but the child changed!

“Are they experimenting on children?“ Anita exclaimed in shock but River started to slowly shake her head. As they watched, things were started to make sense to her.

“Not children… child. It’s all the same child, just regenerated…“ Her Time Lord like senses told her as much.

“The Timeless Child?“ Anita felt like she was finally catching on.

“I was wrong, I was so very wrong.“ River mumbled feeling incredibly stupid all of a sudden. “We’re not talking about my child, not at all. This is the long distant past on Gallifrey, this…“

She watched mortified as the woman injected herself with the result of her work and suddenly, she regenerated. She had created the ability to regenerate, using the child!

“River, what is happening?“ Anita stepped closer to River again. Why were they seeing this?

“I saw glimpses of this when I was in the Matrix.“ River realised. “This is a Time Lord’s memory. A very old and most likely very well hidden memory…“

“But what is it doing here?!“ Anita’s voice was turning more anxious and River could feel it too. Something was very wrong. Were they still in the Library computer or had they been transported somewhere? Surely, they had to still be in the computer, they had no bodies in the real world; but something was very wrong indeed. Maybe some sort of virus? But why was it reflecting her own memories. Was she making it happen? “River, what’s going on?“

“I don’t know…“ River admitted weakly, her head spinning.

“River?“ The looked around to see CAL who had suddenly appeared inside the lab with them.

“What is it, CAL? Did something happen to the core, is there a malfunction or…“ River felt better for seeing her. It confirmed that they were still in the Library but the look on the young girl’s face was disconcerting. “Are you creating this?“

“No.“ The girl shook her head. “Are you?“

“I don’t know. I was just thinking about this but… everything that’s happening now, I didn’t see before. It’s new.“ She turned back to find the scene suddenly paused. They seemed to have reached the end of the memory.

“You said the Matrix was similar to this computer…“ Anita seemed to feel a little better when the memory stopped playing. “Maybe that’s why…“

Suddenly, CAL went very pale. She looked around, her eyes staring into nothingness, like she was looking beyond the artificial world they were in.

“Someone is in the Library.“ She said fearful. She had noticed too late, she had let her guard down in the peaceful world she had created.

“Are you sure?“ River didn’t know whether to be unsettled or excited. Who could have come to the Library? Who would have known to come and where to look and how to get in? As curious and disturbing the change to the virtual reality was, she couldn’t help but hope that maybe, the Doctor had come to find her. “Who is it?“ She asked quickly. “Is it the Doctor? Did he do this?“

“Oh no, actually, that would have been me.“

The voice was unfamiliar and yet, somehow, River recognised it. Regeneration could be funny like that.

[aj-allen97]

Reactions on Jungles Cruise the Movie!!!

Spoilers!!!!!

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Ahh yes let’s bring our kids on the cheapest jungle cruise money can buy! I’m sure it’s safe!

Dude Move! If your that worried about being impaled then move!!!

The Dad Jokes! They brought the Jungle Cruise dad jokes to the film! And the jungle Cruise props animals!

Not only the cheapest but the most traumatizing!

The also brought over the back side of water jokes!!!

Cue Title Card!

Time for the Mistaken Identity dance!

CGI Jaguar ignoring at the easy fresh targets for the main characters trope.

I’m gonna bet that Prince in a purple suit that speaks German is behind the CGI Jaguar?

Ahhh it’s Frank’s CGI Jaguar reeling in new customers for Frank!

😂😂😂😂 Man has more luggage then his sister.

Brother also dropping the ball on keeping his sister safe.

The local salvaging brother dearest luggage - probably to sell.

Ok so we have Frank, Lilly, Lilly’s Brother, and Possibly German Prince yeah?

Leave the monkeys the monkeys are fine - Frank

She was on a roll Frank - she was on a roll.

I’m putting my money down on the fact Lilly can’t swim.

Poor Lilly can’t catch a break.

Called It!

Also check your person, make sure you still have the token necklace.

Wait is German dude a Nazi? What year is the movie set in again?

Is a submarine in the Amazon River possible?

So does Franks Jaguar live in the boats engine house? If so is he ok?

Technically Mr. Nino this isn’t Frank’s fault more like Lilly’s fault and that German dude?

Exactly!

Also it was sweet of Frank to include the brother in the hug.

Frank Finally found someone who found his jokes funny.

Maybe don’t put your fancy camera right there - it’s just asking to accidentally lose it in the Amazon river.

Skippy!

Piranha Dinner!

I feel like Franks gonna try to steal the arrowhead!

They were having a moment until it was broken by Frank’s Jaguar.

So would Lilly be the Rapunzle of this movie (both blonde, both be named after flowers/plants, both are linked to a magical flower?) if yes does that mean she becomes the flower?

So if Lilly is Rapunzel does that make Frank Flynn Ryder? And German Dude Mother Gothel?

Some one is cranky after their nap/death.

I feel like the Medusa Conquistador hybrid is gonna betray Nazi Dude.

So did Lilly have a prophetic dream/nightmare or did her nightmare just lined up perfectly with that jump scare?

Yep called it Frank wants the Arrow Head.

Poor Lily

Poor Jaguar got a hangover

Now everyone is sick except Frank

😂😂😂 the Log scene

Spy Snake! The best spy to use in the Amazon

Awww did Frank install kitty doors for his Jaguar?

Frank likes Motocars?

Is that Disney’s way of saying Brother is gay? Without saying gay and alienating certain audience?

Poor Lilly realizes Frank is shady?

Onion of Deceit

Uh oh tribal people - just when Frank and Lilly were making headway into their relationship

Ooh Fancy! Now I want a cool moving throne!

Brother may be a dandy but he’s got a punch to him!

Trader Sam is Back!

Brother Dearest knows his baby sister (is she baby sister?)

Well that’s convenient.

Why do I think Lilly needs to do a ultimate sacrifice?

Poor Trader Sam is stuck in between a lovers quarrel and she looks like she rather be anywhere but there.

Ahhh the snakes are back!

The heck? The heck!

Not just the snakes! But the Medusa Conquistador is also back!!!!

Wait? Was there a conquistador buried in the back of that throne?

So we have Medusa Conquistador? Throne/tree Conquistador? Honey Bee Conquistador? Mud (???) Conquistador?

Now they gotta find the Moon Tears so Lilly can pull a Rapunzel and save Frank

Ahhh the good ol River ex macia

Sooo…kind of like the curse in the first Pirates of the Caribbean Movie?

So wait? Is Frank Also immortal? Is that why he never returned home?

He Is!

Even the kids come to watch! 😂😂😂

This must be a normal occurrence for Frank!

Didn’t Trader Sam tell Lilly to stay away from the river??? Why did she go back to the river?

Poor Big Brother trying to shield young eyes only to faint himself.

Again isn’t this the plot of Rapunzel except instead of a sick wife it’s a sick daughter?

A chant! Just like Rapunzel hair!

Rock music appropriate.

And no one noticed Frank was never aging?

Poor Trader Sam stuck with Big Brother!

😂😂😂 Trader Sam just bailed! Can’t say I blame her!

They really should have brought brother with them!

Ahhh romance! Only took removing a blade from his heart to jump start it!

But not moving picture! Or automobiles!

And you don’t think Honey Bee Conquistador won’t end up noticing he’s a few bees short?

Wearing White Underclothes to go swimming in! I hope you don’t mind the male gaze

Well that was a quick swim lesson - so much for being afraid.

They kiss? Odd time to be doing that? Or is that a way to give her oxygen?

Technically “We” Frank.

Just accept her proposal Frank.

Ok Ok fine I get his reasoning.

Uh Oh

Welp the rest of Conquistadors are a coming!

And they will (hopefully) kill this German prince.

Ok so the brother is the baby brother?

So what’s with the singing? To freak them out? Cause I’ll admit it making me nervous.

Pretty.

But only Frank knows the chant. The chant is still important right? To make the petal work?

German Prince is impressed by Lilly

Where your Jaguar Frank. I feel like she would be really useful about now.

There she is!

Murder Cat!

She Got petal!

Here Comes The Conquistadors!

Go Frank Go!

How is that Dude still Alive?

Oops.

Oh hey now we got Wizard of Oz!

Frank we barely knew you

Ok Lilly go pull a Rapunzel and save Frank now.

What No Chant?

Lilly? How about True Love Kiss? You didn’t try that yet?

Oh! Petal worked without the chant!

Baby Brother approves of this union!

Frank should definitely bring back his Jaguar with him to London!

Magic? Sure these old men can accept that. Lady Chief? Gasp!

Women in the gallery! Heck Yes! Go Dr. Lilly!

So no more illness? They have cured every disease known to man with one petal?

[willow-salix]

Day 98 of Isolation on Tracy Island and no one is moving today, well, me, Virgil and Alan are fine physically but we are being lazy and hanging out on the couches with the rest of the ones that had attempted to hula hoop. The thing with hooping is that it takes weeks to toughen up your skin and muscles to cope with such a pounding as they will get from 2kilos of hoop slamming into them over and over at speed, I’d warned them, they hadn’t listened. Them of the rock hard abs had thought they had it covered, now they are regretting being so cocky and are laying around groaning every time they try to move.

We were laying there like sloths refusing to move (yes, John is wearing his rodeo shirt and I am wearing my hideous T-shirt and no, neither of us are complaining because we are adults) me because I had no real reason to need to move and I’d much rather lay there and veg than actually deal with moving and them because they were hurting.

They were all lying around in various poses of ouch, Scott was draped artfully in one of the bucket seats, looking relaxed but I knew the real reason was because the curved back was actually helping him get in and out of it, he had his tablet with him and was apparently catching up on some admin, but I know him and I know the look on his face and it definitely wasn't paperwork he was looking at. My money would be on him watching a movie with the subtitles on.

Alan was playing a hand held video game with Gordon, Virgil was tinkling on the piano working on a new composition which was actually a fascinating process to watch, he’d hum a little, plink out a few notes, hum again, play with a little variation and then write it down.

John was stretched out on the couch, his back resting against my chest because apparently I'm comfier and I was being nice by rubbing his abused stomach soothingly. I had stolen my ipod back from Scott and had my headphones on and was seriously vibing, totally chilled out and just loving life when the comm on Jeff’s desk beeped.

I allowed John to sit up from his prone position stretched across my lap and helped drag him to his feet when he couldn’t get his abdominals to obey his commands.

“Not so fun when it’s happening to you, is it,” Virgil laughed, earning himself a level 4 John glare, patent pending. But Space man was still lighter on his feet than the lumbering elephant Virgil had been doing an impression of and was soon easing gently into the desk chair.

“Yes EOS? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I believe so,” she answered.

“Then is there something I can help with?”

“I think we have another one of those calls, but I’m not sure so I thought you should listen first.”

John rolled his eyes and Scott groaned.

“Put it through then, thanks, EOS.”

“Hello?” a young sounding voice spoke over the comms.

“This is International Rescue, how may we be of assistance today?” John asked, immediately slipping into his calm, capable work tone.

“Hello,” the sound of a muffled giggle could be heard somewhere in the background and John lifted his hand to cut the call. I jumped into action, slashing my hand at him in a ‘don’t you dare’ gesture. We were all bored, but I had an idea of how to make it better.

I sat down on the edge of the desk and made a continue motion with my hand.

“Can I have your name, caller?”

“Erm...name?”

“Yes, it’s standard procedure.”

“My...my name's Yuri,” another muffled giggle. “Yuri Nator.”

Alan and Gordon snorted with laugher, although Scott didn't look impressed and neither did John, Virgil just looked resigned to the fact that all teenagers were idiots. I could understand that one.

I gestured for him to let me take over and launched into my best impression of Janine from Ghostbusters.

“International Rescue, what do you want?”

This time even Scott sniggered. John, being John, lent back in his chair and let me work my magic, he’d seen this happen far too many times.

“So, Mr Nator, can you tell me a bit about your situation?” I continued.

“Well, I’m trapped.”

“Trapped, OK let me just pull up my forms for trapped citizens,” I paused for a few seconds then continued. “On a scale of one to ten how trapped would you say you are?”

“How trapped?”

“It’s not a hard question, how trapped are we talking? Have you just got a smashed ankle or have you lost your whole leg? Have you had to gnaw off any of your own limbs? Come on kid, time is money, you know we charge by the minute, right? This is going on your phone bill.”

“Trapped erm...maybe a five?”

“Five, alright, now where are you trapped on a scale of one to ten, one being you tripped over a hole in the sidewalk and a twig landed on you and ten being you are currently held hostage under the sea by three mermaids and a whale?”

Gordon buried his face in a pillow to stop his laughter carrying across the room.

“Maybe a three?”

“Three, alright, trapped down a well, got it. Now, do you have any friends or relatives with you?”

“No, I’m alone,” frantic whispering was heard over the line.

“Totally alone, OK, I’ll add Billy no mates to your record, nearly done, just a few more questions before I pass you over to the relevant department head. Now, can you tell me if you are wearing pants or shorts today, please?”

“Erm...pants.”

“Has wet his pants, added to your case file. Now, Yuri Nator with the wet pants, can you please confirm your location?”

“I’m..not sure?”

“Tracing your calls to find your location I’ll add lost idiot to your file, transferring you now and thank you for using International Rescue as your rescuing service today.” I beckoned Gordon over and I swear I’ve never seen him move so fast, even with his sore tummy, although he had to take a deep breath before talking.

“Hey, this is the water rescue department, how may I help you today?”

“Erm...nothing, I’m fine. All good here.”

“My file says that you are a Yuri Nator and have wet your pants because you were scared when you fell down a well. Is that correct? Can I just ask you if Timmy is down there with you?”

“Timmy? I don’t think so, I don’t know anyone named Timmy.”

“No Timmy, check. Any Lassie’s? Because if there is a Lassie I’m afraid that is out of our jurisdiction and we’ll have to pass this case over to animal control.”

“No Lassie.”

“No Lassie, good to hear, you’d really know you’re in trouble if they bring out the big dogs.”

“Dogs?”

“Yep, dogs. Now, the problem we’re going to have is that being in a well, it’s going to be a bit too snug to maneuver Thunderbird Four down there, so we’re going to have to come up with an alternative plan. I’m going to pass you over to our logistics department to follow up on your case. Have a great day, don’t let the well piranhas bite you too hard, that will invalidate your rescuers insurance. Thanks for using us as your rescuers today.”

Gordon handed the call over to Scott, who took it on his comm, not wanting to move from his comfy spot.

“Logistics department,” Scott barked out in his toughest commander voice, the one that every one of his younger brothers knew meant big trouble. “I’m going to ask you some questions, you just have to say yes or no, got it?”

There was silence on the other end of the call.

“I asked you a question, do you understand me?”

There was a rattling sound as the phone was passed around a few times and then went dead.

John hit a button and called the number back.

“Hello?” a different voice answered.

“We know where you are, we know where you live, we know where this phone is registered, we are sending help to your location. We were told that you are trapped and as animal control is not involved we will be continuing our attempt to rescue you,” John informed him, just managing to hold in a laugh until Scott took over again.

"Logistics, do you have a basic education? Yes or no?"

"Yes?"

"You don't sound so sure of that. Do you have any plans to attend college?"

"Maybe?"

"Useless layabout, got it. Have you ever thrown up on a ride?"

"N-no…"

"The truth, now!"

"Yes."

"Adding will blow chunks to your case file. Have you tried to get yourself out of your situation?"

"No."

"Not very resourceful, got it. Now, how did you get into your current situation, did you trip, fall while looking or were you pushed?"

"I...tri- no I fell in."

"Adding clumsy idiot to your file, passing you over to the next department."

Virgil grinned as he took over.

“This is the International Rescue land rescue department, I'm the ground control operator,” he told them as Alan came and sat down beside him on the piano stool.

“We’ve been told that you are trapped down a well and that a water rescue is not possible so we need to determine if we can attempt a land rescue,” he continued in his most pleasant voice.

“Land rescue?”

“But the problem with a land rescue is that we’d have to drill down under the foundations of the well and try to break through its outer core, there is a number of risks involved in this, including drowning, crushing, cave in, impaling with a large drill and suffocation as the air is sucked out. Can we just ask which would be your preferred risk to take?”

“Risk?” the voice on the phone sounded even younger and now completely terrified.

“There’s always risks involved, kid. Do I take it that none of these options appeal to you?”

“N-no they don’t.”

“Then I have no choice but to pass you on to our space department. Have a nice rescue.”

“Space department here, how may I rescue you today?” Alan joined in, already enjoying himself.

“Space rescue? I’m not in space.”

“No, but you will be! Isn’t that cool?”

“I’ll be in space?”

“Yeah, the plan is to lower a rope down to you from Thunderbird Three. Then you’ll tie it around your waist, make sure you tie that sucker good and tight, we don’t want you coming undone half way up now, do we?”

“No?”

“That is correct. Also, remember not to hold your breath when you leave earth's atmosphere or your lungs will explode. Got it?”

“What? Explode?” the caller’s voice had taken on a fearfully high pitch.

“Uh oh, I can now confirm that we have added a code brown to the wet pants situation, Thunderbird Two. Caller, are you still there? We’ll be there to pick you up in an hour, be ready to see some stars!”

“No! I’m sorry, we lied, no one is in trouble, we’re sorry, we’re so sorry. Please don’t tell our moms or charge us for the call. We won’t do it again.”

“Tell your friends!” Alan chirped as John hung up the call.

We were silent for a second or two before we all burst out laughing, which led to many painful groans as sore stomachs protested. But it had certainly cheered us up.

[smashy-headcanons]

An anon's complete list of headcanons on the WoL intro

So, yeah. This is what I headcanon happened to every fighter during the World of Light intro. But just for fun, I’m not using names, only numbers. So without further ado…

• Mario and Peach disregarded all logic and ran for each other, knowing they were doomed and wanting to be together. The sick part was, the light didn’t touch them until their outstretched fingers were mere inches away from each other. • Donkey Kong knew only one thing in his final moments: he wanted Diddy Kong to live. But all he could do was launch him into the air, hoping his rocket barrel would carry him the rest of the way (spoiler alert: it didn’t). • (Young) Link, Sheik, and Ganondorf were cursed with the knowledge that they would die here. They knew they had to go down fighting, and that’s exactly what they did. • Samus kept fighting even after she saw Link die, knowing she could do nothing else. • Dark Samus quickly realized there was no point in getting others to fight for her, and she tried to flee, just like so many others. • Yoshi ran. He ran as fast as he could, hoping to carry Jigglypuff, Olimar, and Alph on his back to safety. It just didn’t work. • Fox had an agreement with Falco. If things went wrong, Falco was gonna get out of there as fast as possible and call for help while Fox faced his fate. He knew what was coming for him. • Sonic tried to save Pikachu. We all cried. It was very emotional at the time. • Since Luigi and Daisy were standing at the back of the group, they had an agreement with Bowser that they would get Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings to safety if anything went wrong. When things did go wrong, they lost track of one, but in the end, they shielded the other seven from the horror that awaited them. • Ness and Lucas ran for their lives together. In the end, Ness tripped, and Lucas shielded him in vain. • Captain Falcon didn’t even get a chance to run. • Bowser fought back, knowing he had people at home and with him depending on him. His last thought was of his children, but he didn’t see Bowser Jr. running up behind him just to be with him. • The Ice Climbers held each other in fear, drawing comfort from the one person who understood most. • Zelda and Mewtwo were hopeful, which is the only reason why they shielded themselves at all, but they were also smart enough to know that, without a miracle, they were all done for. • Dr. Mario went looking for his sons, but he couldn’t find them. He died after they did. • Snake’s attempt at hiding seemed hilarious at the time, until he sadly admitted he had been hiding Pichu and Isabelle. • With tears in his eyes, Marth tried to fight back. He died a broken man, having helped lead this massive army and knowing he had failed them. • For once, Lucina didn’t have to protect anyone. Instead, she was held and protected by the people who loved her the most. • Young Link rewound time over and over and over again, until he realized there was just no fighting this. In the end, he let the light take him. • Roy hid with Toon Link. The light had stolen the courage from the Young Lion and the Wind Waker. • Chrom knew only one thing: he had to protect his baby girl. He died holding her, trying not to cry, his two best friends at his back guarding them. • Mr. Game & Watch didn’t understand completely, but knew beyond a doubt that this light thing was not good. He hid too. But since he was made of shadow, the light actually hurt him when it touched him. • Meta Knight and King Dedede could only watch a miracle in the distance. They knew beyond a doubt that they were not getting out of here, but they could see that star and know it meant hope. • Pit and Dark Pit thought they were safe until their wings stopped working. They knew what happened in that exact moment: Pit’s patron goddess was dead, and they were next. • Wario didn’t even get a chance to pull out his bike before he was taken. Good thing too, he would’ve trampled over so many if he had. • Ike did what he did best: he fought for his friends. • Charizard, Ivysaur, and Squirtle stood defiant, even as their trainers urged them to leave. They refused to leave them even in this desperate hour. • Lucario, Greninja, and Bayonetta felt foolish later, as they all dodged one beam only to get hit by another. However, Bayonetta found the courage to laugh about this once it was over. • R.O.B. only stood and cried (or as close as a robot can get to doing so), hoping to be reunited with his family. • Wolf wanted to run, but he absolutely refused to go down without a proper fight. Plus, if Fox was staying, so was he. • Villager panicked and couldn’t even hide in time. • Mega Man fought back and just hoped the light wouldn’t get his dad, sister, and brother back home. His hopes were dashed later. • Knowing what was coming, the Wii Fit Trainers just tried to calm themselves down. • Rosalina wanted to stay with her friends, but she was a mother. She couldn’t abandon her children like this, and if she asked Mario and Peach, they’d have agreed with her. It was the only comfort she had when she died. • Little Mac didn’t even know what to do, so he ran. • Mii Brawler died alone and he died later than the rest of them. He saw his friends, the Mii Swordfighter and Mii Gunner, too late and he couldn’t even go to them. • As for Mii Swordfighter, he shielded the Mii Gunner though he knew it was futile. They both hoped the Mii Brawler didn’t see them. • Palutena was one of three people who secured their hope for rescue, and unlike Falco’s failed attempt to call for help, she succeeded. She called to other dimensions, other deities, hoping something would work as she tried to get Pit and Dark Pit to safety. • Pac-Man didn’t know what to do, he’d never been through anything like this before! • The Robins went down with a unified blast of thunder. They had their best friends behind them to protect, and that’s what they were going to do.  • Shulk refused to be totally helpless in his final moments. He made sure their last hope, their miracle, got out safely.  • The Duck Hunt Duo went down as a pair, one wanting to hide but refusing to leave his best friend alone.  • Ryu channeled his honor and tried to fight.  • Ken decided to screw honor and retreated, but that’s only because he wanted to see his wife and son one last time. He didn’t get the chance to.  • Cloud charged at Galeem. …He doesn’t know what he was thinking either.  • The Corrins went down together, fighting and protecting the one other person who truly understood their struggles and pain.  • The Inklings tried to hide in their own ink…they weren’t ready. They didn’t know what to expect when they accepted that invitation, but it so was not this.  • Ridley only thought of himself. He wanted to run, and damn it, that’s what he did.  • Simon gave a final word of encouragement to Richter. They refused to meet their maker scared.  • King K. Rool fought back, defending Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, his former enemies turned friends.  • Incineroar hadn’t been this scared since he was a Litten. But he put up a brave front and went down fighting, with a massive grin on his face.  • Piranha Plant, Joker, the Heroes, and Banjo & Kazooie were actually saved by Palutena before they could officially be brought into the fight. She contacted their deities and told them to hide their chosen champions in the space between dimensions, where they’d be safe, and to only bring them out when the time was right. They were forever indebted to her, but they couldn’t save their friends. Later, when everything was over, they all decided to stay in the world of Smash.  • As for Kirby…well, they all had to be saved somehow, right?

(submitted by anonymous)

I changed the #s to the character names just to make things easier on others.

Also I’m going to add to some of these because I can and I want to.

When Fox told Falco the plan, there was a lot of initial refusal on Falco’s part, which only stopped when Fox yelled at Falco five minutes away from the expected arrival of Galeem, at which Falco had no more time to be oppositional. Fox was making sure Falco got in the Arwing and fled, even if it meant he had to drag him kicking and screaming into the Arwing and lock him inside.

Captain Falcon had no plans to run. His initial plan was to try to attack from inside the Blue Falcon because if he was fast enough, he didn’t think Galeem could catch him. That all changed when he saw just how quickly people were being lost.

Dr. Mario realized what had happened to his kids in the split instant before Galeem’s beam hit him.

The moment when Young Link realized there was no stopping Galeem was when he found one (1) possible solution to stop Galeem before he attacked and save everyone, only to have Dharkon arrive and wipe everyone out instead. He played the Song of Time one last time to go back to Dawn of the First Day, and just stood where he was.

When Mr. Game & Watch was first freed, he started asking a bunch of questions which, if Pac-Man was around to translate at the time, would have been translated to, “Is that this realm’s version of Dharkon? Am I gonna have to leave this realm too? Where am I gonna go? …Wait, are we planning on fighting this guy?! Will we have to fight Dharkon too?!”

R.O.B. was hoping and praying that he would end up in the Subspace where his people were trapped, because he knew that there was no afterlife for robots (the closest thing is the internet or cloud storage, which he had no access to at that moment).

Pac-Man was off somewhere else when Galeem arrived. He had no knowledge of the invasion until he saw a light beam flying at him for half a second.

K. Rool helped give Donkey Kong an extra height boost to try and get Diddy Kong away (to no avail). Afterwards, Donkey Kong and K. Rool stood behind hoping to try and combat Galeem.

I have my own developed headcanons regarding the DLC fighters but I also like that idea too.

[kclenhartnovels]

Episode Two

[Episode One]

Kate startled awake around midnight as music suddenly blasted in the apartment.

It started with a sensual saxophone solo, cresting with a low, steady back beat and a crooning voice that spoke of cheating lovers and nights of passion. Kate sat up abruptly, clutching the sheets to hold it over her naked chest. “DeWitt!”

“It’s alright,” they called, standing in front of the window and pooled by the neon city lights. They had sent Kate to bed fully clothed, and they had been the same, but now the pair of them were nude, and DeWitt didn’t seem at all surprised. “We were supposed to be having sex by now, that’s all. The music is to cover up the sounds.”

“But where is it coming from?” she asked, twisting her head to try and find the source. She had to shout over the volume of it, but she was sure that her voice was husky for a different reason.

DeWitt shrugged, toying with an unlit cigarette and leaning their forehead against the cool windowpane. “The same place the dramatic chords come from whenever someone dies. Or the trendy pop music whenever there’s a big battle scene.”

“But I’ve never heard that before.”

They lifted their head, and for once their lips cracked in a smile. “Really? This is the first time you’ve heard the sex music?”

She nodded. Her curly hair bounced with enthusiasm. “Yes, and Trent and I have had sex a lot. It seems every time he comes home from a night of danger, I patch him up and scold him, and then we make love all night. I’ve never heard this before.”

“That’s good,” DeWitt enthused. “It means we’re starting to break your narrative, and you can see outside of it. I mean, it’s not great for your eardrums, but it’s a step closer to saving your life.”

“How long is this going to last?” she asked, dropping the blankets in favor of holding a pillow around her ears. A black bar politely appeared to cover her nudity.

DeWitt shrugged. “Usually doesn’t last longer than a few minutes. It’s a story, after all, not an erotica.” Their eyebrows lifted a moment. “God, I hope this isn’t an erotic fanfiction arc. Those always go bizarre directions, and you never know who they throw in as a crossover.”

“What?” Kate yelled around the pillow.

DeWitt offered her a smile. They pushed away from the window at last, pouring two glasses from a bottle of whiskey whose label was politely tilted to hide the brand. “This is how you can tell we have no sponsors,” they remarked, picking up the bottle and turning it. No matter which way it faced the light, the label was crossed with odd shadow, and all that could be made out was WHISKEY in all capital letters.

The music at last faded off with one last triumphant blast of saxophone. Kate dropped the pillow with a sigh of relief. Her hair was attractively rumbled, and she pulled her shirt back on without trying to find her bra. “Why is that whiskey gray?”

They shrugged. Their hat had appeared on again, but no other clothing. The long shadows politely created a deep blackness between hip and thigh. “Some of the things I bring never seem to get colored. There are days my skin is gray, too.”

Kate took the glass with a little smile, the ice rattling too-loud. A bead of condensation rolled over the edge of the glass and skipped across her fingers. “You were saying something about breaking my narrative?”

DeWitt pulled on a pair of pants, and sat across from her. They laced both hands around their glass, and stared into it as if it held all the answers. “It’s the only way to pull you from the story before the writer decides to kill you off. Sometimes keeping you absent will make the writer forget about you, but the artist seems very fond of you.” They glanced up again, watching the way the neon lights caught against her dark skin, a myriad of color that highlighted her cheekbones, the curve of her jaw, the angle of her shoulder, the ice in her glass. “We may need to take more drastic action. You need to break up with Trent.”

She dropped her glass. It shattered. Ice skidded across the floor, landing in a pool of light.

“His villain’s name is Frosticle,” DeWitt muttered, then swore. “Foreshadowing.”

“I can’t break up with Trent,” she said, clasping DeWitt’s hands. “I love him, Agent. He’s--I’m nothing without him. And he needs me.”

“He needs you to further his story.” They squeezed Kate’s hand, then stood to get a broom. “I’ll go with you in the morning, and we will see if we can’t get you quietly written out of this story before you end up in a refrigerator. Or worse.”

“What could be worse than being put in a refrigerator?”

DeWitt swept up the glass. “Oh, Ms. Jackson, I’ve seen so much. Strapped to barrels and blown up while the hero saves a future villain instead. Dropped from a clock tower and and killed inches from the hero’s fingers. Shot with a bullet meant for the hero. Killed as they are confessing their love, killed while pregnant, anything to make the pain worse for the protagonist. Spy movies are even worse--I’ve seen girls encased in gold, attacked by dogs, drowned in oil, poisoned, hit by cars, eaten by piranhas, and shot more times than I can count. It’s a dismal world for the devalued woman.”

“I don’t feel like Trent devalues me.”

“It’s not Trent that I’m worried about. He’s not the one writing this, after all.” They stole a glance towards the window as day broke too quickly, sending lances of red across the floor. Too bright, too red, and DeWitt was sure that the artist was laying the doom on a bit too thick to expect Kate to last until nightfall. They would have to move faster. “Let’s get coffee, and go find your boyfriend.”

****

DeWitt swore that, despite being a city that spanned ninety square miles, Sugar, Honey, Ice, and Tea was the only coffee shop. They couldn’t remember ever seeing another one, but despite that, the line was never longer than it took for them to complete a conversation, and there was always a table available to sit.

“Have you ever noticed, Ms. Jackson, the incongruities of our daily lives?”

Kate fussed with her spoon, stirring her coffee more than necessary, though the swirl of cream and coffee refused to blend. “I’ve noticed that my coffee never cooperates.”

“It’s more satisfying to ink a high contrast swirl like that,” DeWitt said sympathetically. “Look around a moment. Do you ever remember getting coffee from any other cafe? Do you notice anyone familiar, even though you come here every day?”

“How did you know I come here every day?”

“Ms. Jackson. Where else would you go?”

She wasn’t sure what to say, just screwed up her face and stirred her coffee with more force. “I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention to people when I’m in line.”

“What about the workers?”

Her gaze flicked up, settling on the perpetually sullen goth girl manning the register, her colored contacts and lip ring never so much as twitching from the long line of flirtatious regulars and complicated orders. Behind her, a man worked as barista, his shoulders at least twice the width of the machine, the steam billowing in front of his face. His jaw was too square, and his brow too heavy, and DeWitt couldn’t help but think it was extremely lazy henchman design.

“They’re the same as I see every day,” she said mildly. “The barista hardly ever says a word, aside from calling out orders. His name tag says Joe, but everyone behind the counter calls him Steve. The cashier’s name is Demeter, and she hates it. She’s dating a man named Harold, and she hates his name, too.”

“I don’t think I would like the name Harold, either,” DeWitt agreed, still watching the barista fill orders.

“Hey, do you think we should think up a first name for you?” Kate asked brightly. “I mean, something aside from Agent.”

They shrugged. “Truth be told, Ms. Jackson, it doesn’t bother me any longer. Let’s focus on you, first.”

“I think you’re overthinking this, Agent DeWitt. I mean, we’re in the middle of a coffee shop. What could possibly--?”

“Kate?”

She whirled around, her hair flying out behind her to take up at least three panels. Immediately, she smiled, and stood to meet the young man who called from the door. “Trent!”

DeWitt swallowed a groan. Trent Terrigan was precisely what they expected: shapely muscles even in their civilian clothes, a mop of blond hair that they supposed was charmingly messy, and troubled green eyes. A perfect poster boy for a superhero. DeWitt could already see him holding Kate’s body, screaming at the top of his lungs in the middle of a broken building, the light pouring in through the shattered ceiling.

“Kate, where were you last night? You never answered my text. I was so worried.” Trent crossed the distance between them quickly, and pulled his girlfriend into his arms. Kate’s head fit perfectly against his chest, tucked under his chin as she hugged him back. “When I got home and you weren’t there, I thought--oh, I thought something terrible must have happened to you.”

“I had a weird night,” she answered at last, and stepped back. She touched a fresh bruise on his jaw with a frown. “What happened?”

Trent pulled his head away, and looked off into the distance above her head. “It’s nothing.” DeWitt could see the flashback panels appearing behind Trent, showing quick clips of a battle with some great beast made of ice.

DeWitt cleared their throat, and stood at last. “Ms. Jackson.”

“Oh! Yes.” She pulled out of Trent’s arms, though reluctantly. “Trent, this is Agent DeWitt. I was staying with them last night.”

“Agent?” he repeated. “What agency do you work with?”

“The SCPA, Mr. Terrigan, and we’ve placed Ms. Jackson under our protection. And she has something she needs to tell you.”

“ASPCA? She’s not a dog.”

“Wrong acronym, Mr. Terrigan,” DeWitt corrected. “Common mistake.”

Kate tilted her chin, and stood beside DeWitt as if she could draw strength from them. “Trent. I want to break up.”

The lights in the cafe flickered, and the color drained from Trent’s face. “What? Kate, no. Why? Is it this--this Agent? Are you leaving me for them?”

“No. Trent, I love you, but--”

“%#@!,” said DeWitt.

I love you was enough. The espresso machine flew across the room, crashing between Trent and Kate and narrowly missing both of them. DeWitt pulled her back behind them quickly, and Trent turned to face the barista who was already climbing over the counter. Electricity crackled along Trent’s knuckles, and he immediately crouched into a dynamic pose.

“Power Surge,” the barista greeted, rolling up his sleeves as the other customers scattered to the corners of the room. “Frosticle sends her regards.”

DeWitt pushed Kate under the table as the barista picked up a chair and threw it at Trent’s head. The lights flickered overhead, then the bulbs popped one after another, sending shards of glass flying through the cafe. DeWitt drew their gun, standing guard over Kate as the first bolt of electricity from Trent’s hands sent the metal chair flying back at the barista, glowing blue from the charge.

“Please don’t shoot them!” Kate pleaded from under the table, grabbing DeWitt’s pant leg.

“Probably wouldn’t hurt them anyway,” they muttered, then pulled the trigger, firing the gun into the air. A vibrant red and yellow BANG accented the shot.

Both men stopped, staring at DeWitt in surprise.

“I have one question,” they said to the barista, the gun still pointed at the ceiling. “Is your name Joe, or Steve?”

The barista shrugged his massive shoulders. “It depends on the edition.”

DeWitt produced a business card, and offered it to the brute of a man. “Come by my office later on. I think you and I need to have a conversation. Kate,” they added, leaning down to help her back to her feet, “come on, you can come back with me.” They walked her to the door, picking their way through the broken glass and the tangled wreck of an espresso machine. “Gentlemen. As you were.”

The door swung shut. DeWitt heard the fight music swell again, and put their back to the chaotic fight within the cafe. Instead, they took off their coat, and draped it over Kate’s shoulders.

She held it close. “What do we do now?”

“Now, Ms. Jackson, we go back to my apartment and see if we broke your narrative enough.”

****

The rest of the day passed in relative quiet; when they returned, DeWitt’s apartment had at least expanded to a one-bedroom instead of a studio, and the couch and coffee table afforded them the option to play cards and talk. They ordered takeout for dinner, delivered by a tiny Chinese man who spoke only broken English, and DeWitt ate with a fork instead of chopsticks. Kate showered at least three times, and spent most of the afternoon in a towel or lingerie.

As the sun finally began to sink low, Kate stood by the floor-to-ceiling windows, pressing her hands against them as she watched the city. The evening light cast long shadows across her face, accenting the arch of her cheekbones and curve of her lips. Somehow, her makeup was still impeccable, even if her hair was still damp from the latest shower. She was about to speak, then gasped, the noise coming with tremor marks in the air around her.

“Agent DeWitt, something is happening!”

Her breath frosted the window. DeWitt swore under their breath as ice crystals crackled up the pane, thin and spidery at first, then cementing to a solid block that completely obscured the view of the waking city. The room dropped in temperature, and their breaths clouded in front of them.

“Frosticle,” DeWitt guessed, pulling down the brim of their hat and pulling the revolver from their belt. Their long black coat flapped in a breeze that wasn’t there. “I guess we’ll have to deal with her first.”

Kate shivered, wrapping a blanket. “Agent DeWitt, I’m frightened.”

“Of course you are, Ms. Jackson. Otherwise you wouldn’t be a damsel in distress.”

She bit her lip. Frost tipped her black curls. “I need to call Trent.”

“Don’t. I’ll take care of it.”

“Are you going to shoot her?”

“Shoot her?” DeWitt looked down at the gun in their hand, then holstered it with an irritated sigh. “Of course not. I’m going to talk with her.”

Before Kate could protest, they crossed the small room (still cursing that their two-bedroom had shrunken. They were sure that their rent wouldn’t reflect the new size.) They unlocked their door, put on what they hoped was a calm and disarming smile, and swung it open. The hall outside was at least ten degrees warmer than their apartment, and also devoid of life.

Behind DeWitt, the iced-over windows shattered inwards.

Kate screamed, throwing the blanket over her head to protect her face. The crunch of heels on glass echoed the smile that curled the corner of Frosticle’s white-painted lips, stark contrast to her dark skin.

“Well, well, what do we have here?”

DeWitt closed the door behind them, turning to face Frosticle and sighing through their nose. “Ah, yes, we’ve been expecting you, Miss--?” They paused, and a frown creased between their eyes. Though six-inch heels made her look taller, and her mermaid-cut white rhinestone dress was almost more revealing than anything Kate had worn, her face was unmistakably similar to the one still hiding beneath the blanket.

“Ms. Jackson, why didn’t you tell me that you had an identical sister?” DeWitt sighed.

Kate cowered on the floor, lifting one corner of the blanket carefully. “I don’t. I have an evil twin sister.”

Frosticle smiled, and extended one hand towards DeWitt, curls of ice spiraling up from her palm. “And honey, I’m so good at being bad.”

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[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Chapter Thirty-Seven:

The One With Two False Accusations and One Brutal Confession

Detective Dupin gripped the two orphans’ shoulders as tightly as he could in pure excitement. He continued to snicker as Violet’s fear slowly drained from her being replaced by her anger. She harshly pushed Dupin’s hands off her shoulder and pulled her brother behind her. Klaus stood there confused.

“What?” He asked in disbelief.

“Count Olaf has been murdered,” Dupin repeated smirking at the elder two orphans.

She glared at him. She was at a loss for words. “ You…you...” she hissed.

Klaus matched Violet’s glare. “You won’t get away with this!” he shouted at the villain, who merely laughed at the young boy.

“Oh, Klaus, don’t you know by now I always have a few tricks up my sleeve,” He smirked. “You’re going to love this next part,” he said as he gripped onto the two children’s shoulders again..

“ I advise you to stop saying that,’ she warned pulling Klaus away from Detective Dupin.

“Let’s go…” He instructed giving the two children a push. “There’s a town meeting about my death and we surely wouldn’t want to miss it.”

I’m afraid I have some bad news that you will not like to hear, which is that some people in this world enjoy hearing bad news.

As Olaf forced Violet and Klaus into the middle of the town, they could hear murmurs in the crowd. “I heard Count Olaf was murdered in his jail cell last night,” she could hear Mrs. Morrow gossip.

“That’s bad news,” Mrs. Lesko commented. “I was excited to burn him at the stake.”

Violet shook in anger as she tried to get out of the fake detective’s grip. But he held both children tightly. She used her free hand to wipe tears from her eyes. She may not have known her Uncle Jacques for really long or at all, for that matter. But she knew that he meant a great deal to her father. Her father wasn’t one to discuss personal details from his childhood often but whenever he did, he had wonderfully nice things to say about both his siblings. Even if he hadn’t, Violet knew that the way she felt about Klaus and Sunny was a universal feeling. She only knew her siblings briefly and she knew she’d give her life for both of them without hesitation.

What is bad news to one person might be good news for someone else. Violet felt as though her world was crashing down as she turned back to see Olaf was smiling and his eyes were bright behind his sunglasses. No, it wasn’t a smile but a grin...a smirk...he was proud of the pain he was continuing to cause her. He was happy to know that he took yet another person from her life. Klaus glanced back towards the jailhouse wall where they had left Violet’s invention. They could see that the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender was walking towards it. Klaus looked towards them confused.

As the two siblings were forced to the front of the crowd. They gasped when they saw Jacques was lying on the ground with his eyes closed and two townspeople were pulling a white sheet over his bloody body. Violet stared at Jacques’ body doing her best to hold back any and all tears that were trying to escape. She refused to show any weakness to this fucker. As she took a final glance towards her uncle’s now lifeless body all she could think about was how her father was able to protect her siblings but she was unable to save his brother, her uncle, she felt as if she had once again failed her father and once that thought hit her, she couldn’t stop the harsh flow of tears that followed.

“Olaf’s been murdered,” they could hear townspeople claim.

“Olaf hasn’t been murdered at all…” Violet replied meekly. She felt her knees wobbling, slowly going weak. Klaus grabbed onto her to support her. “That’s my...my uncle…Jacques.”

And sometimes, what seems like good news...might actually be something full of sadness, misery, and grief. The story of Violet Snicket haunts me the way yet another untimely death haunts Violet in a small, dusty town. It fills me with sadness, misery, and grief. But you have no reason to be as haunted as I am...look away. This is nothing you ought to see.

Hector pushed through the crowd to find the two children he had been caring for. He could see that Violet was pale and she was silently crying. “Let’s go, children. This is nothing you ought to see,” he explained.

Detective Dupin quickly stepped in between Hector and the two children. Pushing Hector back. “Not so fast, daddy-o,” Dupin replied. “It’s just not cool to dismiss suspects from the scene of the crime,” he snapped his fingers to emphasize the word cool.

“Suspects?” Klaus repeated incredulously. “If anyone committed this murder, it was you!”

Both Violet and Klaus glared daggers at the man who stood before them. Violet quickly wiped away a few of her tears.

“It’s extra just not cool,” he replied snapping his fingers again to emphasize the word ‘cool’. “To disagree with Detective Dupin,”

“ Your name isn’t Detective Dupin...it’s…” Violet hissed through gritted teeth.

“Silence! Silence in the crowd!” the First Elder’s booming voice yelled. Causing Violet and Klaus to turn around quickly. The three Elders stood at the steps of Town Hall glancing out at the crowd.

“Gather round! The Council of Elders has called this emergency town meeting!” the second one yelled.

“There have been a lot of emergency town meetings lately. I’m falling behind on my stories,” Mrs. Morrow muttered.

“Ever since those troublesome orphans came into town,” Mr. Lesko replied back.

Violet and Klaus huddled together as a few murmurs were heard within the crowd.

“It’s imperative that we discuss this most mysterious murder!” the third Elder yelled.

“I don’t think it’s imperative. I think it is absolutely necessary,” Esme replied in her Officer Luciana voice as she stood on the edge of Fowl Fountain.

Klaus rolled his eyes, sighing. “‘Imperative’ means ‘absolutely necessary’, Esme.”

Esme glared daggers towards Klaus. “My name is not Esme. It’s Sarah Petunia Alexandra Maryellen…”

“Is that what she said yesterday?” Mrs. Morrow asked skeptically.

“But...as always you can call me Officer Luciana. Now let’s get down to business, Dupin. Do you have any important information?”

“ We have some important information,” Klaus yelled boldly pointing at himself and Violet. “This man is not Detective Dupin. He’s Count Olaf!”

“Those sunglasses may be hiding your eyebrow, and those hideous shoes may be hiding your tattoo, but you can't hide your identity! You’re Count Olaf and you’ve kidnapped our sister and the Quagmires and murdered Jacques!” Violet yelled.

“I’m confused,’ a townsperson explained.

“It’s not cool,” Olaf replied with a snap of his fingers. “To be confused, so let me see if Officer Luciana and I can help…” he stepped onto the edge of the fountain alongside his villainous girlfriend so he can address the entire town better. “I am the famous and extremely handsome Detective Dupin. I am wearing these shoes and sunglasses because they’re cool. “

Violet rolled her eyes as Klaus scoffed in annoyance.

“Now, as I was saying, before the orphans rudely interrupted me. Village of Fowl Devotees! I am here to bring you both protection and style.” she gestured to her disguise. It is my duty to lock up prisoners in the Uptown Jail, and I made sure Jacques was safe in his cell last night,”

Violet’s face beamed with happiness at Esme’s fuck up. Klaus held his breath hoping that the town had caught on. Even Olaf was fighting the urge to facepalm or yell at her. The children could see him take a deep breath in order to calm down.

“Who’s Jacques?” the first Elder asked.

Esme’s face froze. “It’s...my nickname for Count Olaf.” she stuttered finally. Smiling at the crowd.

“Oh,” the town murmured.

Violet and Klaus could not believe people were falling for this bitch’s bullshit. “Now...I have the only key to the jail, so his death is a mystery!” she announced smiling at Violet and Klaus.

The townspeople began to talk amongst themselves and a few of them even gasped.

“I do love a good mystery,” Mrs. Morrow called out.

“Especially when it takes place in a cozy village and stars a detective with a funny voice,” Mr. Lesko commented in agreement.

Detective Dupin began to scat. “You’re right, moldy oldies. But lucky for you cats, I’m a peachy detective with a face for TV and I’ve already cracked this Popsicle case!”

“Oooh!” Mrs. Morrow commented. “This sure is exciting!”

Violet wiped her eyes fiercely as Klaus rolled his eyes. ‘There’s nothing excited about an innocent man being murdered!” she screamed glaring at the two villains.

“We’re as shocked as you are,” Mr. Lesko commented. “But I thought Count Omar was involved in all sorts of crimes? How is he innocent,”

“His name is Count Olaf!” Klaus shouted.

“So you admit that you recognize him?” Officer Luciana asked smiling.

“That man isn’t Count Olaf!” Violet yelled referring to her uncle. “ This dumb fucker is!” she pointed her finger towards Detective Dupin.

“We went through this yesterday, orphans,” an Elder yelled. “That dead man had that bushy eyebrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle,”

“The tattoo isn’t of an eye!” Violet yelled in frustration. “It was of the letters V F D!”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” an Elder replied. “Why would Count Omar have the name of this town on his ankle,”

“That’s not the point!” Violet argued. “The point is that that man is the real Olaf!” she shouted pointing once more at Detective Dupin.

The crowd gasped in shock as Detective Dupin shrugged his shoulders towards the crowd.

“And that police officer is Esme Squalor!” Klaus added.

The crowd gasped once more as Esme glanced back at Klaus utterly confused.

“These fuckers kidnapped our sister and the Quagmires and now they’ve murdered my uncle, Jacques Snicket!” Violet cried.

Once more the crowd around the kids gasped. But these accusations did not phase either Olaf or Esme as they continued to play in character.

“These kittens have flipped!” Dupin exclaimed. “I am a groovy man of the law, man. I wouldn’t harm the hair on a baby with piranha teeth,” as he said that he smiled specifically towards Klaus. Both siblings shared a look of pure annoyance towards the villain. “As I said...I’ve already cracked this case,”

“ We’ve cracked this case, too!” Klaus shouted having enough of Olaf’s games.

“Everyone! Please!” Violet pleaded. “This man is the real Count Olaf...he murdered my uncle…”

“Wait? So Count Olaf is your uncle?” one villager asked.

“ No! ” Violet screeched angrily. “Count Olaf is right there and he murdered my uncle, Jacques Snicket!”

The villagers looked towards Violet utterly confused.

Officer Luciana rolled her eyes wanting to get to the point. She beckoned the crowd to hush. “Detective Dupin, you were saying before these orphans interrupted you,”

“Yes, thank you, officer,” Dupin replied. “Now, reconnoiter this, villagers. Miss Snicket and Mister Baudelaire here are pointing their bony little fingers at me because they are, in fact, one hundred percent,” he paused for dramatic effect and to make sure everyone in the crowd was paying attention. “... the murderers. ”

The entire crowd around the children gasped while Violet and Klaus glared daggers towards Olaf.

“ What?!” Violet yelled incredulously.

“As I said before if anyone committed this murder it was you!” Klaus shouted defensively.

“Those children can’t be the murderers,” one Elder commented. “They’re children,”

“Well...actually those aren’t mutually exclusive,” Klaus muttered as Violet smacked his arm.

“Shut up, Klaus,” Violet hissed. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry…” he replied in a low whisper. “Force of habit,”

“Detective, you must have evidence for this startling and handsome accusation,” Luciana commented smiling.

“Correcto, lady cop. It’s just not cool to accuse people of murder without having evidence,” Dupin explained. He gave each child a nasty smile. “Lucky for you, I’m a great detective and I found some!”

“This is utter bullshit,” Violet protested angrily.

“Show them the evidence,” Luciana said as Dupin snapped his fingers. He pointed to his henchmen who began playing jazz instruments. Dupin began to snap his fingers to the beat.

“Orphans are dragsville, man. They come into your village, sneak into your jail,” he said as he hopped down from the edge of the fountain. He walked over to Violet and Klaus. “They kill and they pillage...with the help of these!” he swiftly reached his hands into Klaus’ inner jacket pocket. Klaus’ face dropped when he realized what Olaf had pulled out.

“Bluebird. Blue sky. Blueberry pie! Uh-uh, blueprints!” Dupin scat as he unfolded the blueprints for the whole town to see. Several villagers gasped, the Elders looked towards Klaus suspiciously. Klaus tried to avoid everyone’s gaze.

“I..I can explain that…” Klaus explained. He glared at Olaf. “This is circumstantial at best!”

“Yeah, man. That’s what the orphans used to find a weak space in the wall, so they could use,” he pointed his disgusting finger towards the uptown jail as the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender pushed Violet’s invention towards the crowd. Olaf looked to the invention confused. “Um...what is that thing?” he asked breaking character slightly, using his actual voice.

“Shit,” Violet muttered as she caught a glimpse of her invention.

“I think it’s some kind of mechanical device,” his henchperson replied wheeling it for all of the village to see.

The entire village gasped as they looked at Violet suspiciously.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Violet explained to the crowd. “I…”

“Oh, yeah,” Dupin replied smirking. “A device of mechanics so mean, Violet Snicket used that..” he began to scat. “...thing. They punched a hole in the wall of the jail. Crept in on bad cat paws and snuffed out the light of Count Olaf, um, in the night.”

“You fucking lying bastard!” Violet yelled.

“This is circumstantial evidence!” Klaus cried. “This doesn’t prove shit,”

Dupin smirked at Klaus. “Right you are, my little four-eyed kitten,” he hissed. “But...there’s more,”

Violet and Klaus looked at him in utter disbelief. Violet’s heart sank as he pulled out a long black ribbon of out his blazer pocket waving it around for the crowd and the children to see.

“No,” she whimpered realizing that she had made a mistake by giving Isadora that ribbon during their last rescue attempt. She realized now that he must have realized that it was in Isadora’s hair and he must have moved them afterward and set up the net. Not only had him relocating them been her fault...but now...he has physical evidence to accuse her of murder.

“I found this right outside Count Olaf’s jail cell,” he said. “It’s a ribbon, the exact kind of ribbon that Violet Snicket uses to tie up her hair…”

Violet looked ready to murder the real Olaf as he was now using her ribbons against her. The townspeople gasped and Violet turned to see that the citizens of VFD were looking at her with suspicion and fear, which are not pleasant ways to be looked at.

Violet pulled her ribbon out of her hair. “My hair ribbon is right here!” she explained. “That one isn’t mine!” she lied nervously. She glanced around at the suspicious looks the villagers were giving her. She sighed as she walked over and yanked the black ribbon from Olaf’s grasp. She thought of Isadora as she stuffed the ribbon into her pocket for safekeeping.

Dupin cocked his head to the side to indicate to Violet that she’s a terrible liar.

“How can we tell?” an Elder asked. “All hair ribbons look alike,”

“Right you are, moldy oldie.” Dupin said.

“They might look alike but that doesn’t mean it’s mine,” Violet replied bitterly.

“So you’re telling me...that you only own one hair ribbon?” Dupin asked.

“I plead the fifth,” Violet muttered.

“What if I told you, villagers, that Violet Snicket has a plethora of hair ribbons stored in her purple backpack,” Dupin replied smirking towards Violet.

She glared refusing to respond to Dupin. She pulled her backpack off her back, clutching it. Klaus frowned. “Okay...so maybe the ribbon could be hers,” Klaus reasoned doing his absolute best to defend his sister. “But that doesn’t mean she was at the scene of the crime! I was with her the whole night!”

Dupin smirked. “I’m glad to hear you admit that,” he replied as he pulled out a small circle made of glass for the entire village to see. Klaus and Violet looked at one another confused. “And inside Count Olaf’s cell, I found this. This is one of the lenses in Klaus Baudelaire’s glasses,”

“No, no it’s not,” Klaus cried. “My glasses are perfectly intact and are not missing any lenses!” He turned to see that the villagers were now staring at him with the same suspicious and fearful glances. He growled at Dupin as he took off his glasses and showed them to the crowd. “I’ve made sure to take extra special care of my glasses after t his bastard made me fearful of all optometrists!”

Dupin smirked to himself when Klaus said this.

“Just because you have replaced your ribbon and your lenses,” Luciana noted. “Doesn’t mean you’re not murderers,”

“Shut the fuck up, Esme!” Violet hissed.

“This is all very shocking,” an Elder said.

“He’s lying!” Klaus yelled.

“So these pieces of evidence are not yours?” one Elder asked.

“Well...the ribbon and mechanical device are mine,” Violet admitted hoping that telling the truth would give her some benefit of the doubt.

“The blueprints are mine…” Klaus admitted sheepishly following suit. “But we are not murderers!”

“I’m not done showing my evidence yet,” Dupin explained.

“ There’s more!?” Violet cried throwing her fists to her side in disbelief.

“What can I say...I’m a great detective,”

“You’re a great manipulator and liar,” she hissed.

The children watched as the two white-faced women walked over to Dupin and Luciana handed each of them a bag labeled evidence. Violet felt sick to her stomach when she realized that in the bag that Dupin held was a bloody dagger and in Luciana’s hand was a bag holding a bloody crowbar.

“... you bastards!” She shrieked.

“See, the girl is mad that we have found their murder weapons,” Luciana claimed.

“Oh, that’s a fucking stretch!” Klaus cried.

“ You know exactly why I’m mad!” Violet yelled trying to rush towards Esme. Klaus grabbed her arm.

“Chill,” he whispered. “Don’t give them a reason to believe them.”

“Klaus, I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed,” she whispered back. “We’re fucked,”  Her voice was one he couldn’t recognize. He turned to her and could see that she wore a frown. Her eyes watering and her shoulders slumped. Klaus feared that she was giving up.

“As you villagers can see,” Dupin said holding out the bag for all of VFD to see. “Within these official evidence bags are the murder weapons.”

“Oh look, he’s finally telling the truth,” Klaus whispered to Violet, trying to get her to laugh. But she merely stared at Olaf. No longer glaring. No longer standing tall. The loss of her uncle was finally hitting her harshly.

The town gasped as they slowly moved away from the children.

“On Count Olaf’s body were several stab wounds as if his attackers had some sort of vendetta against him,” Dupin explained as Luciana held up her bag for the entire village to see. “There are only two people so uncool as to stab someone to death. The murderers who murdered Count Olaf by murder is none urder than Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire!” Dupin explained pointing dramatically at the kids.

“This is utter bullshit, Olaf!” Klaus yelled as Violet continued to stare at the weapons that ended her uncle’s life.

Dupin glared nastily at Klaus. “You are making a big mistake when you call me Olaf,” he said, “and if you continue to call me that, you will see exactly how big of a mistake you are making,” he warned. “So why don’t you behave,”

Klaus closed his eyes and began to slightly shake. Violet glanced at her now scared brother and then at the villain who was smiling happily as he could see he still had some effect on her little brother.

“Fuck off, Olaf!” Violet yelled. “My brother and I didn’t stab anyone to death! You have no evidence to prove that that dagger and crowbar are ours!”

“Well, your mechanical device does have a pickaxe attached to it,” Luciana pointed out.

“Right you are, lady cop,” Dupin replied smirking. “If you had access to a pickaxe who is to say you didn't have access to a crowbar and dagger?”

“Detective Dumbass is lying!” Violet cried as the town began to stare at Klaus and Violet angrily.

Dupin shrugged his shoulders as he handed the two white-faced women the bags holding the murder weapons. “It’s not cool to accuse me of lying,” Dupin said with a snap of his fingers. He stepped closer towards Violet and Klaus. “Instead of dropping accusations on cool and handsome detectives, maybe you orphans should tend to your own accusational woes,” he smirked patting Klaus on the shoulder.

“They should start by giving everyone an alpaca,” Luciana commented.

“Yes,” Dupin replied. “Wait...what?”

“She means ‘alibi’,” Klaus explained rolling his eyes.

“Yes! Alibi! That’s what I meant to say,” Luciana corrected.

“Orphans!” the first Elder yelled. “Where were you last night between the hours of dusk and dawn?”

“We-we were...we were at Hector’s house,” Klaus replied nervously when he realized that everyone's eyes were on him.

“He’ll tell you himself,” Violet explained.

The two children glanced towards Hector with a pleading look in his eyes. He looked at them remorsefully as everyone looked towards the handyman. Even the three Elders. Hector opened his mouth to say something, but no word came. The two children waited for a moment in the tense silence, thinking that surely Hector would overcome his skittishness and anxiety in order to save them. But the handyman went quiet as he nearly passed out on the ground.

“ Please,” Violet cried.

“ Tell them you were with us,” Klaus begged.

Their eyes were wide with hope as sound finally came from the handyman’s mouth. “Well...I...Well… you...you see,” he stuttered. His eyes were rolling to the back of his head.

“Hector, please,” Violet begged.

“Hector, we’re waiting,” the second Elder yelled.

His breathing became heavy. “No...no...not again,” Klaus whimpered.

“Oh, no. Hector.” Violet cried.

“Hector,” Klaus pleaded.

Finally, the handyman took a deep breath. “It’s true! The children were with me. They’re not murderers,”

“See!” Klaus yelled triumphantly.

“Where did these items come from, Hector?” the first Elder asked. “Did you provide these children with illegal materials, in violation of VFD rules?”

Hector’s eyes widened.

“No, Hector didn’t do anything!” Violet yelled.

“Trying to pull an innocent cat into your bad vibes?” Dupin asked. “That’s low, man, real low,”

“You would know,” Klaus hissed.

The villagers began to murmur amongst themselves, looking pointedly at the two half-siblings.

Klaus’ eyes widened when he realized he may have found a way to ruin Olaf’s newest scheme once and for all. “What’s our motive?” he asked.

Dupin, Luciana, and Violet looked to him instantly. Dupin looked at him excitedly as if he had asked the best question. Luciana looked at him with a belittling expression while Violet looked at him like he was crazy.

“ What? ” Violet whispered incredulously. “What the fuck do you mean what’s our motive?”

“Why would we kill Count Olaf?” Klaus asked Dupin. Smirking towards the fake detective smiling as though he had played his trump card.

“Klaus...that’s the wrong question!” Violet hissed at her brother.

Klaus was so consumed by anger that he didn’t realize he just handed Olaf his and Violet’s heads on a silver platter. For even, I, the narrator could tell you several reasons why Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire would murder Count Olaf. I can bet that even you,  the dedicated reader, must want this fucker dead especially by now and I hate to inform you in the rare chance that you don't want to kill him just yet your opinion will soon change. But either way, naive Klaus Baudelaire asked the worst possible question.

Detective Dupin offered his signature smirk at the two older orphans. “ I am so glad you asked my little four-eyed kitten,” he said to Klaus in such a way that sent waves of chills down the young man’s back.

He walked carefully and menacingly towards the two children as if slowly trying to decide on who to prey upon. He looked first to Klaus smirking but then his gaze slowly turned to Violet, who was glaring at him with a face full of hatred. He gave her a toothy grin as he had decided to have a little bit of fun with her.

He leaned in every so closely to Violet causing Klaus to grab her arm, his way of letting Olaf know that he wasn’t going to be able to take Violet from him. He chuckled when he saw this. “Well,” he began nonchalantly, leaning in extremely close to Violet. “Not only did he kill your uncle,” he whispered cruelly for only Violet and Klaus to hear. He grabbed tightly onto Violet’s other arm, pulling her closer to him so that her ear was directly in front of his putrid mouth. He gave one less chuckle as his smirk widened. Violet turned to him showing her face which in this brief moment looked terrified and confused. “ but he also...murdered your father.” he hissed into the fourteen-year-old’s ear sending paralyzing chills down her spine as he had just confirmed her darkest theory about her father’s death. He released his grip on her arm.

The second the words left Olaf’s mouth, Klaus gasped and turned to face Olaf, he was able to see the proud grin that was plastered and glued to the villain’s face. But Violet, on the other hand, stood their motionless as if she was having trouble registering what Olaf had just said to her in his most braggiest tone yet.

Olaf frowned, not getting the reaction that he wanted. He looked at Klaus and opened his mouth to say something that he hoped would rally the boy up seeing that the girl wasn’t responding to him at all. But as he opened his mouth to speak a loud, harsh, extremely feral shriek was heard.

“ I fucking knew it!” Violet screeched before pulling harshly away from Klaus’ grip, causing her younger brother to fall flat on his ass. Before anyone had a chance to react, Violet had jumped on to Detective Dupin and proceeded to throw punches as she began to ugly cry. “I am going to kill you, you mother fucking piece of shit! I’ll set your worthless ass on fire and show you how it feels!” she yelled as she continued to throw punch after punch allowing the intoxicating mix of her unbridled hatred, her blind rage, and her adrenaline rush gift her strength that even she didn’t know she had. All the while crying so hard that she couldn’t breathe and her face was turning bright red.

Klaus looked awkwardly at the crowd, who were murmuring to themselves about how the children must be murderers if the orphan girl was this unstable. But, he didn’t stop Violet, he couldn’t help but smile watching his fourteen-year-old sister kick Count Olaf’s ass. Violet continued to throw punches at Olaf causing the man to eventually start asking his girlfriend for help, unable to retaliate because he was too focused either trying to keep his disguise intact or guarding his face. Violet eventually stopped trying to punch him going right for his throat, prepared to simply murder him. Her mindset holding stubbornly into the idea of if she’s going to be sent to jail for a murder, she may as well actually commit one. As she was trying to reach for his throat to avenge her father and end this sick, twisted bastard once and for all, she was screaming and yelling threats and profanity as she cried.

Officer Luciana, who until now, was paralyzed by Violet’s lightning speed reaction noticed that Olaf was not gaining the upper hand against the young girl so she decided to intervene. She grabbed Violet harshly by the arm, pressing her long fingernails into the young girl’s skin causing her to yelp in pain and stop her brutal physical assault of the fake detective. Esme yanked Violet's arm, pulling her off the wicked count. Esme tossed her to the ground roughly causing the arm that Violet landed on to scrape on the dirt road of the village.

Klaus growled towards Esme as Violet rubbed her arm, her scrapes slightly bleeding but not as bad as Olaf’s nose and mouth. “ Don’t touch my sister, you fucking bitch!” Klaus yelled at Esme running to Violet’s aide. Both children watched as Detective Dupin stood up holding his bleeding nose and mouth. To the children’s dismay not only had Violet not succeeded in killing him but his disguise was perfectly intact except for the few splatters of blood that were now on his yellow shirt and purple blazer.

“That is not your sister,” Esme remarked in her Officer Luciana voice. “That is your highly unstable accomplice,” Esme smirked towards the two siblings. “The feral little kidnapped baby is your sister.”

“Violet is my sister, too, you dumb bitch!” Klaus yelled defensively pulling Violet to her feet. Violet shifted her backpack on her back slightly trying to see the damage to her arm.

“No, she’s not,” Esme replied bitterly, rolling her eyes. “All she was, is, and forever will be is your mother’s unwanted mistake . That’s why she was given to Lemony,” she explained in a cruel whisper that sent waves of sadness into Violet’s core. She began to laugh amongst herself when she realized just how much of an impact her words had on the young orphan. Violet fell to her butt crying, grasping her locket in the palms of her hands but not daring to open it.

Klaus took one look to his sister, who was bawling her eyes out. He could tell that she was trying to control her tears flow that she didn’t want to appear weak in front of Olaf or Esme. He could see that the rollercoaster of emotions that these two adults had sent her on was getting the best of her. Klaus turned to gaze at Olaf and Esme who were sharing a snarky smile as Esme pointed a cruel finger at the crying Violet, whispering something into Olaf’s ear. Klaus glared and rushed up to Esme, getting into the vicious woman’s face as Violet’s head shot up realizing that Klaus was putting himself in danger. “Say that again,” he hissed in the villainess’ face. “ I fucking dare you!”

Klaus didn’t care that he could hear more of the town’s murmurs calling both siblings extremely violent, highly unpredictable, and severely unstable. If he and Violet were any of these things it was because of the consistent abuse they received from Count Olaf and now, Esme Squalor. And the neglect they receive from any adult who was too incompetent to truly be effectual and help them. Because even as all of this was going down, Hector may have been able to speak up for them briefly but Klaus realized that he wasn’t going to push through the crowd to assist them. None of the villagers were.

Luciana laughed, pushing Klaus’ face away from hers. “I’m sorry that you can’t handle the fact that your precious mommy dearest was a fucking whore ,” she hissed tauntingly watching her words affect both Klaus and Violet.

She was too busy laughing at her insult to Beatrice that she didn’t notice Klaus’ face go from shock to sadness to pure unhinged anger in a matter of only a few seconds as he pounded his fist into Esme’s stomach knocking the breath out of her causing her to stumble backward. Detective Dupin angrily walked up to Klaus, yanking his arms behind his back roughly causing Klaus to yelp in pain. The more Klaus began to struggle, the more Olaf bent his arms back. Violet glanced up at Olaf grabbing at her brother.

She stood up quickly but didn’t move forward. “Hey! Let him go!”

“As you can see villagers,” Olaf explained addressing the crowd as he held a firm grip on Klaus’ arms, as Klaus continued to whine and yelp in pain pretending as though Violet hadn’t even spoken. “These children have shown that they both have vicious anger issues and homicidal tendencies. This , the fact that they had every motive in the book, and all of the undeniable evidence shows that..,”

“They’re...ow...circumstantial at best,” Klaus interjected.

“They are obviously the ones who murdered Count Olaf,” Dupin explained. “I mean this brat even punched an innocent woman. That’s low, real low!”

“No!” Violet cried defensively. “We’re not murderers!”

“That stupid bitch is far from innocent!” Klaus yelled.

“We’ve heard enough!” the first Elder shouted. “The evidence is crystal clear!”

“We’ve adopted murderers!” the second Elder cried in disbelief.

“The Village of Fowl Devotees can no longer serve as guardians to such terrible orphans!” the third Elder yelled angrily.

“We can send a message to Mr. Poe right away and the banker can have them removed in a few days.” one villager suggested

“Now that the trial is over!” Luciana yelled taking a step towards Violet. “I say we burn them at the stake!”

“Officer Luciana is right! A few days is too long to wait!” Mrs. Morrow yelled and several citizens cheered in agreement. Violet and Klaus looked at one another desperately. “These children need to be taken care of as quickly as possible!”

“W-wait a min-minute,” Hector called out breathlessly. As if ready to faint. “We-we-we’re talking about children!”

“I won’t wait a minute! We’re talking about murderers!” Mr. Lesko said. “I say we burn them...right now!” To Violet and Klaus’ horror, the crowd around them cheered.

“But we didn’t murder anyone!” Violet cried as Klaus began to struggle harder in Olaf’s grip. “This evidence is circumstantial at best!”

“It’s enough evidence for us!” a townsperson cried out in response. “Lesko is right! We already have the torches...let’s burn these brats!” the crowd cheered once more all turning to the Elders for guidance. All three Elders looked to one another deciding on the best course of action to take care of Miss Snicket and Mister Baudelaire. All the while, Klaus was still struggling to get out of Olaf’s grip when he noticed that Esme was walking slowly towards Violet.

“Let...me...go!” he cried yelping when Olaf pulled on his arms. “Leave Violet alone!”

Olaf pulled Klaus back towards him, gripping the boy’s chin firmly. He leaned in closer to Klaus’ ear. “ If I were you I’d stop struggling and behave...if you know what’s good for your baby sister,” He hissed sending chills down Klaus’ back.

As he began to shake in Olaf’s grasp, his fear replacing his anger and will to fight. He whimpered, “ Please. Don’t hurt Sunny.”

“That’s all up to you at this point,” Olaf replied back in a vicious snarl.

“Hold on a moment!” an Elder finally replied. “We can’t simply burn people at the stake whenever we want. We are civilized people!”

“How about after supper!” the second Elder suggested as the entire crowd began to cheer.

“So it’s settled then! We will burn these two murderers tonight after supper!” the third Elder explained. The crowd once again cheered.

“ NO!” Violet protested desperately. “ Please, someone listen to us!”

Detective Dupin released his grip on Klaus’ chin but kept his grip on the boy’s arms. Klaus struggled less due to fear of retaliation against his baby sister. “I’ll keep these bloodthirsties on ice at the uptown jail,” he explained.

“We’re not going anywhere with you!” Violet hissed. “Now let him go!” she screamed attempting to rush at Olaf for a second time that early morning.

“Resisting arrest, are you?” Dupin asked Violet with a smirk. “Oh Chiefie,” he called out as Esme grabbed Violet’s arm tightly.

“Now, we can do this the quiet way or it can get very, very noisy ,” she whispered to Violet swinging her baton in her free hand. “ It’s your choice, Snicket. ” Violet glared at Esme as the wicked woman pinned her arms behind her back which was a bit of a challenge seeing that Violet’s backpack got in the way. But Esme didn’t care, she knew this would only cause Violet more pain. The young girl tried her best to struggle in the woman’s grip.

“ Please! ” Violet cried out trying to pull away from Esme. “ We’re innocent! Hector, please!”

“Hector! Help us!” Klaus cried.

But Hector didn’t reply. He didn’t stand up for the kids any further. Leaving the kids with a bitter feeling towards him. Violet and Klaus looked at one another both seemingly terrified for what was to happen next.

Detective Dupin smirked as he addressed the crowd. “I’ll see you all at the burning!”

And for the final time, the crowd cheered and applauded Detective Dupin and Officer Luciana, who in their eyes had captured two vicious murderers instead of physically abusing to young innocent children.

“ Please!” Violet cried as the crowd began to disperse going their separate ways to go about their day. Many of them murmuring how excited they were to burn the two half-siblings after dinner. “ Someone please listen to me! The asswipe holding my brother is Count Olaf! This vain bitch holding me is Esme Squalor! They kidnapped our friends, the Quagmires and our baby sister, Sunny! And now they’ve murdered my uncle, Jacques Snicket and are framing us for a murder we did not commit!’ she yelled trying to get someone to believe her as Olaf and Esme began to harshly drag the children to a secluded area near the jailhouse.

As the town went about their day, Hector stood near the Fowl Fountain frowning. He felt truly sorry for the two children who he was supposed to be taking care of. He put his hand in his overall’s pocket and twirled the third couplet that he had found under Nevermore Tree this morning when he was doing some of his household chores. The children had left earlier than him and he hadn’t been able to tell them about it. But with all the commotion that had just followed, the crows that were peacefully perched upon the fountain had decided that Violet’s yells and the crowd's cheers were too loud for them that they relocated to the tops of the buildings surrounding the town square where the fountain was located. As Hector glanced down at the ground, he noticed a small white scroll similar to the one in his pocket. He picked up the fourth couplet glancing around to try to determine where it had come from. He put them in separate pockets so as to not mistake the order that he had received them. He planned on finding a way to give them to the two children that he had just let down.

______________________________________________________________

Sunny Baudelaire could hear the commotion inside the fountain as she desperately tried to rip off the muzzle that was around her mouth. Duncan and Isadora Quagmire were trying their best to create some kind of loud ruckus that could break through the sound of the rushing water. But their efforts were entirely fruitless. Their knuckles were turning red, raw, and bloody from punching the inside of the fountain as hard as they could, with each hit getting less and less hard. Even though, they could argue that the first few hits weren’t truly hard because the two older orphans barely had any strength or energy from being in Olaf’s ‘care’. Sunny was bawling so hard under the muzzle, she even tried to hit the inside of the fountain a few times. But each hit hurt her tiny toddler hands.

Duncan and Isadora turned to one another, both putting a comforting hand on Sunny’s head.

“I think I figured out what he meant by ‘hope you enjoy the show’,” Duncan muttered.

“Ya think,” Isadora replied. “That’s why he put the muzzle back on Sunny. Her loud toddler screeches would have echoed through this fucking fountain and the town might have been able to hear us.”

“He knew our voices were too weak,”

“We just have to hope Violet can break them out of jail,”

“But why would he burn them?” Duncan asked.

“He might not be planning to burn both of them...remember he only needs Violet...since he has Sunny,” Isadora said as Sunny began to wail harder. She frantically punched the inside of the fountain. The muzzle muffling her cries.

“Isa...wouldn’t the town realize Violet’s gone if he only burns Klaus…?” Duncan asked frightfully.

“He’ll probably…” she began, before her eyes widened with absolute fear. “Oh no,”

“What…?” her brother asked as Sunny continued to kick and punch the fountain walls knowing full well that her efforts were fruitless but she didn’t care. She was determined to save her siblings.

“He’s going to use one of us as a stand-in for Violet,” Isadora explained in a harsh whisper.

“Oh no,” Duncan whimpered. “You’re right. He only needs one of us,”

“Duncan…”

“Yeah, Isa…”

“We need to get the fuck out of here,”

“Violet’s going to break them out of jail ...and save us….” Isadora said although Duncan and Sunny could hear the doubt that was in her voice. “If anyone can do it...it’s Violet,”

____________________________________________________________

Both children winced in pain as the two villains dragged them. Klaus’ heart was pounding in his chest as Violet was cussing out Olaf and Esme as they walked.

When they were finally out of everyone’s sight, Olaf threw Klaus against a wall grabbing him by the neck. “If you ever hit my girlfriend…” Olaf began as Esme held tightly to Violet.

Violet struggled in the woman’s grip desperately wanting to help her brother.

“Darling, I can defend myself,” Esme commented grinning at Klaus. “Here...hold the ugly little girl,” she says reluctantly handing Violet to Olaf.

“Gladly,” Olaf muttered under his breath as he held on to Violet’s wrists. “Don’t have to ask me twice.”

“Don’t touch my fucking sister!” Klaus yelled trying to move from the wall but Esme pushed him back against it. Before he could move, she kneed him harshly in the groin and he fell to the ground yelping in pain. She then gave him a good kick in the stomach for good measure.

“ Stop!” Violet pleaded to Esme.

“This...is police brutality,” Klaus whined using his arms to shield his stomach as he groaned in pain.

“Oh, honey. You’re way too privileged to be claiming police brutality,” Esme commented laughing as she harshly pulled Klaus back up onto his feet.

“Well, then it’s child abuse!” Violet yelled angrily.

Olaf gave Violet a cruel laugh, all the while smirking at Klaus. “Oh...Klaus knows exactly what child abuse feels like...don’t you, Klaus?” the vicious man asked the young boy.

“Fuck off!” he cried as he began to shake, crossing his arms desperately over his chest, backing himself further towards the wall.

“Esme, do you see anything sharp around here?” Olaf asked menacingly looking around. “Maybe a broken umbrella…”

Esme looked towards her boyfriend confused. “No...why?” Even Violet looked to Olaf confused. The only person who understood Olaf was Klaus, who was shaking harder and retreating himself against the wall.

“Because it seems like Klaus here needs another lesson on how to behave,” Olaf hissed. The villain slowly smirked. “Actually...better yet, we’ll just punish little Sunny for her brother’s disobedience.”

“Oooh! Or his little boyfriend!” Esme suggested still not sure what was going on but never passed an opportunity to be a cruel bitch.

“Don’t you dare touch them!” Klaus hissed while shaking.

Olaf laughed cruelly as he looked down at Violet. He grinned towards her as he let go of her wrists but gripped her backpack. “Let go of my backpack!” she yelled struggling to get out of the man’s grip. Olaf growled as he began to roughly pull the backpack off of Violet’s back. She struggled her hardest to keep it on. The few items in her pockets shifting every which way. “ No! Stop! This isn’t yours!” she pleaded. “ My father gave me this backpack!”

“Of course, he did,” Olaf replied rolling his eyes. Finally, he successfully extracted the backpack from Violet.

“Give it back!” she whined.

“See, I can’t have you using your odd collection of knick-knacks to escape my clutches this time ,” he hissed throwing the backpack to the ground and grabbing onto Violet’s wrists again. Violet’s eyes widened and slowly formed a glare when she realized that Olaf must have figured out how she and Klaus got out of the elevator shaft. He sighed angrily, turning her around to face him and gripping her chin in spider-like hand. She shuddered under his touch. “It’s a real shame that that fire didn’t kill you as well. You’ve become more meddlesome than your father,”

“You motherfucker…” she began before he gripped her chin harder.

“Now that is no way to talk to your captor,” Olaf hissed smiling down at the terrified young girl. “But...even the most stubborn of puppies can be trained…” he snarled. “Once I figure out how much your worth maybe I’ll keep the baby around a little while longer. Use her as leverage to get you to be complacent seeing that you think she’s your baby sister.”

Violet merely glared at Olaf, frozen in fear as she was the day she had met him both at the movie theaters and at Prufrock. Violet could sense the actual danger that she was in. She looked towards her brother, who was shaking and slowly curling up into a tiny ball. Esme had focused more on her backpack then Klaus because Klaus wasn’t in the state of mind to fight back.

Violet could hear Esme unzipping her backpack, she tried to turn towards the woman but Olaf kept his grip on her chin. “That's private property you fucking bitch!”

“As chief of police, I have every right to inspect your belongings,” Esme said smiling as she unzipped the backpack glancing at the invention that sat at the top. Her smile slowly turned into a grin as she glanced towards Olaf. “ooooh, darling, this might excite you,” she commented. Olaf shifted his glance from Violet to Esme looking at her with a confused expression on his face.

“What are you talking…” he began as he watched Esme pull out Violet’s makeshift grappling hook. On one hand, he was confused as to how these two children had had the same idea because it looked slightly similar to the one that Klaus had fashioned in hopes of saving Sunny from his tower room so many months ago. As Olaf’s eyes began to shine brighter, Klaus turned to take notice of what Esme was referring to and the moment he did his eyes widened entirely as he backed himself towards the wall.

Olaf shifted his hand from Violet’s chin to her neck as he dragged her over to where Esme was. He pushed Violet into his girlfriend’s grasp as he took the grappling hook from Esme. He gave the cruelest smirk towards Violet. “ Maybe you Snickets are useful after all,” he hissed turning from Violet to Klaus.

Klaus falls to the ground using his arms to block his chest pleading with Olaf. “I’ll behave. I’ll behave. I’ll behave.” Klaus responded automatically as he shook. He closed his eyes, his breathing becoming heavy. “ Please. Don’t.”

Just like Dr. Georgina Orwell had back during Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire’s dismal and brutal stay in Paltryville, Esme looked at Olaf confused. “What did you do to him?” she asked in a tone that was more curious than caring about the welfare of a preteen boy.

“Oh, you know, punished him for misbehaving. His complete and utter disrespect towards me,” Olaf replied smirking. He took a step closer to Klaus. “Hey, Esme! Would you like a visual demonstration?” he asked in a tone that sent chills down everyone’s back including Esme’s.

Esme did her best to clap in excitement with Violet in her grip. “Oh boy, would I! I’d love to watch you torture Beatrice’s darling little baby boy! As long as you don’t kill him,”

He took yet another step closer to Klaus who began sobbing and pleading. “Oh, you’d be surprised what you can live through,” he commented cruelly smiling at the pleading boy.

“ Please...I’m sorry. I’ll behave. I’m sorry.” Klaus cried.

“Don’t fucking touch him!” Violet yelled struggling in Esme’s grip.

“Too late for that, my sweet. Isn’t that right, Klaus?”

Violet watched Olaf take another step towards her brother. She struggled as hard as she could in Esme’s grip. Stomping on the bitch’s feet. Jerking her arms this way and that, even if it caused her some harm, she didn’t care. She bit her lip and continued to struggle. She didn’t know what Olaf did to her brother, although she had a few theories regarding that but she’ll be damned if she allowed Olaf to harm him in front of her using one of her inventions. Finally, Violet twisted herself the farthest she could ignoring the pain that shot up in her arm and kneed Esme where the sun don’t shine. Esme let go of Violet out of instinct as Violet runs towards Olaf trying to yank the grappling hook out of his grasp. She pulled it hard enough to cause him to slightly lose balance as she positioned herself in front of him to kick him in his groin as hard as she could.

“ You little fucking bitch!” He yelled as he heaved over in pain. Violet stood defiantly in front of her brother acting as a human shield for the paralyzed and traumatized Klaus. She quickly reeled in her grappling hook and shoved it into her backpack, stubbornly placing her backpack back in its rightful place. During this time, Olaf grabbed her by the shoulders glaring at her with vicious eyes. “ I will make you pay for that! ” he hissed.

“If you want to hurt Klaus you’ll have to go through me,” she hissed back trying her best to sound intimidating but Olaf could sense the fear in her eyes. It wasn’t as much as Klaus but it was there. She couldn’t hide it.

“Honestly, darling. She is too troublesome. I say we let her and the baby burn and keep the bookworm. He’s truly the most fun,” she commented as she hoisted the shaking boy up to his feet.

He shuddered under her touch. “ Please don’t ...don’t let him…” He pleaded with Esme looking up at her, trying to find the humanity in her eyes since he knew damn well that there was none whatsoever within Olaf’s. He had learned that during his stay with Olaf. “ I’ll...I’ll behave…I promise.”

Violet’s heart broke seeing her brother like this.

“See, darling! He even said he’ll behave! This one is already trained.”

Olaf rolled his eyes. “We can train this one,” he argued. “Everyone has a weakness...we’ll just have to find hers,” he tightened his grip on Violet’s wrists. “Besides this one might be able to give us two fortunes.”

Esme huffed in annoyance. “But Beatrice didn’t care for that one,”

“You stupid bitch,” Violet spat.

“She cared about this one…” she noted. Her tone causing Klaus to shudder and Violet to feel sick to her stomach. Esme’s tone reminded her of Olaf’s tone when he spoke about her or Isadora.

Olaf rolled his eyes as he sighed. “We will discuss that later,” he told her. “Let’s put them in the cell. We can have our fun with them later where there’s surely going to be no witnesses,” he hissed.

Violet continued to struggle in Olaf’s grip as Esme dragged along a shaking, sobbing, panic attack having Klaus. The two villains dragged the two innocent children through the door of the uptown jail. The children stumbled into a dim, grim hallway, listening to the echoed laughter of their captors.

“I’m putting you in the Deluxe Cell,” he said to them. “It’s the dirtiest one and it comes with a noose.” Violet glared at him.

“You sick bastard,”

The two villains continued to march them towards the Deluxe Cell of the jail.

“You’ll be the one in jail before long, Olaf,” Violet hissed hoping she sounded much more confident than she felt. “You’ll never get away with this.”

“My name is Detective Dupin,” Olaf replied. “And my only concern is bringing you two criminals to justice,”

Once they reached the Deluxe Cell, Esme pulled the cell door open, pushing Klaus roughly into the jail. Olaf smirked as he released his grip on Violet’s wrists but once again gripped her backpack. Before she could protest, Esme helped Olaf take her backpack off her back. Esme held on to the fourteen-year old’s backpack as Olaf harshly shoved her into the jail cell after her brother. Violet tripped on her own two feet, the two villains laughed cruelly at Violet as Klaus glared at them and rushed towards them just as Esme slammed the door shut in his face. He reached out to grab the two villains as Olaf took the backpack from Esme placing in on his back.

“Can’t have little Miss Snicket using her knick-knacks to save herself,” he teased as they both waved menacingly at the two children. as they walked away cackling as loud as they could.

Violet and Klaus looked at one another in horror and disbelief.

“We’re fucked,” Klaus cried shaking at the jail door.

Violet didn’t turn to him, she merely nodded her head. “I hate to say it...but…” she gulped. “I think he’s finally won.”

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Every Movie I’ve Seen That Came Out This Decade

Now, I saw many of these films as they came out, but a lot of them I ended up watching years after the fact.  There are plenty of movies that came out this decade that I still want to watch but haven’t gotten around to yet (Fury Road, Blade Runner 2049, Logan, etc)  And just because I have seem a movie doesn’t mean I liked it, nor that I even wanted to see it in the first place; there are many I wish I could unsee because they were a waste of 2 hours of my finite existence (Marmaduke, Hop, World War Z, most DC movies)

I’ve bolded my three favorites of each year; not necessarily the best films of their respective years, just the ones that I saw and liked the most.  As I add more titles to this list, I’m sure my preferences might change.  All of my choices are subjective, so I will explain and justify them as I go.

Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start):

2010

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (February 2010)

Alice in Wonderland (March 2010)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid (March 2010)

How to Train Your Dragon (March 2010)

Shrek Forever After (May 2010)

Marmaduke (June 2010)

The Karate Kid (June 2010)

Toy Story 3 (June 2010)

Despicable Me (July 2010)

Predators (July 2010)

Fred: The Movie (July 2010)

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (August 2010)

Piranha 3D (August 2010)

Saw 3D (October 2010)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1 (November 2010)

Tangled (November 2010)

Top 3: How to Train Your Dragon was phenomenal, I can’t recommend it enough.  Predators wasn’t super great, but it was fun, and I have a soft spot for the series because the original Predator is my dad’s favorite film.  Scott Pilgrim is hilarious; nuff said. Other Notes:  I was 12 going on 13 when the decade started, so I mostly watched kids movies.  I’ll probably go back and watch more as time goes on.  I loved the Lightning Thief book, but the movie sucked.  I tried out for Diary of a Wimpy Kid because they held auditions online (I lost, wa-waaa).  My first “date” was with a friend’s sister to see Shrek 4 (Good Lord was it awkward).  Toy Story 3 was fun, but not my favorite by any means.  Let’s pretend Fred never happened.  My dad took me to see Piranha 3D apropos of nothing (he never just says “hey, wanna see a movie tonight?”) and we ended up walking out thirty minutes in because he got offended by all the nudity (it’s a T&A movie)

2011

Rango (February 2011)

Rio (March 2011)

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (March 2011)

Hop (April 2011)

Kung Fu Panda 2 (May 2011)

Mr. Popper’s Penguins (June 2011)

Cars 2 (June 2011)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 (July 2011)

Final Destination 5 (August 2011)

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (August 2011)

Apollo 18 (September 2011)

The Thing (October 2011)

Top 3: Rise of the Planet of the Apes was really good, and Andy Serkis gave what might be one of his top 3 best mo-cap ape performances (he has had many).  Apollo 18 sucked, but was fun.  The Thing sucked, but the 1982 version is my favorite movie of all time, and I liked the potential this prequel had.  Please remember that this list is subjective as hell; these are by no means my favorite movies of all time, in fact many aren’t even particularly good, they’re just the ones I saw that I would go out of my way to watch again, for whatever reason. Other Notes: none of the other films this year really did anything for me.   only saw Hop because my friend invited me.  Cars 2 was hot garbage.  Mr. Popper’s Penguins was forgettable.  I didn’t much care for the Harry Potter movies after Goblet of Fire.  I like the first two and a half Final Destination movies (the first two were clever, I liked parts of 3, but 4 and 5 are terrible).

2012

The Lorax (March 2012)

21 Jump Street (March 2012)

The Hunger Games (March 2012)

Mirror Mirror (March 2012)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (April 2012)

The Avengers (May 2012)

Men in Black 3 (May 2012)

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (June 2012)

Brave (June 2012)

Ted (June 2012)

The Amazing Spider-Man (July 2012)

ParaNorman (August 2012)

Flight (November 2012)

Wreck-It Ralph (November 2012)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 2012)

Top 3: I was delightfully surprised by The Avengers when it came out; it was the first MCU movie I saw, and I had no expectations going in.  It’s not GREAT, but it was fun, and probably the best of the series (I don’t care for Thanos and the expanded lore, I don’t read comics, I don’t want to watch them).  ParaNorman is awesome; Laika is awesome, they make awesome movies, moving on.  Flight was really good (I saw it for the first time just this August). Other Notes: Thank God I wasn’t on tumblr when the Lorax came out.  Hunger Games was fun, but I didn’t like some of the changes from the book (they’re too old, and how come only Katniss and Peeta have last names?) The original Men in Black is one of my favorite movies of all time, but MIB3 sucked!  Madagascar 3 was the worst animate film I have ever seen; I had a visceral response when I saw it in theaters, I can’t even explain why I hated it so much, it boggles my mind.  Brave was boring, Ted was crass (I only saw it because my sister rented it from RedBox), The Amazing Spider-Man was forgettable, as was the Hobbit.

2013

The Croods (March 2013)

Star Trek Into Darkness (May 2013)

Despicable Me 2 (June 2013)

Monsters University (June 2013)

World War Z (June 2013)

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (September 2013)

Gravity (October 2013)

12 Years a Slave (October 2013)

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (November 2013)

Frozen (November 2013)

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (December 2013)

Top 3: The VFX in Gravity are amazing, perhaps the best of the decade, it’s beautiful to look at and feels grounded in reality (for the most part).  12 Years a Slave made me cry; it’s one of the few Award Bait movies I saw, and it totally deserved its Best Picture win.  I read the Walter Mitty short story my freshman year of high school, and we saw the movie on a field trip during my senior year; it was excellent, and I had never related to a character more. Other Notes: The Croods was forgettable, Despicable Me 2 was forgettable, Monsters University was forgettable, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 was forgettable; this was a bad year for animated movies.  I didn’t hate Frozen, but it’s not my cup of tea; I think the best song is “For the First Time in Forever,” not “Let it Go.”  World War Z was disappointing, because it is one of my favorite books of all time.

2014

The Lego Movie (February 2014)

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (March 2014)

Godzilla (May 2014)

The Fault in Our Stars (May 2014)

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (May 2014)

22 Jump Street (June 2014)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (June 2014)

Big Hero 6 (October 2014)

Interstellar (October 2014)

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 (November 2014)

Into the Woods (December 2014)

Top 3: How to train Your Dragon 2 wasn’t just more of the same,it expanded on the world and had real character development; 10/10.  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes had a lot of faults, but I really liked the world building and the uneasy equilibrium the human and ape societies have reached (the equilibrium is upset by the end).  Interstellar is magnificent; the VFW are breathtaking, the docking scene is phenomenal, and I love how grounded the Earth scenes feel even though they’re set in the future (it doesn’t feel like a science fiction movie, it feels more like a science movie) Other Notes: Lego Movie wasn’t my cup of tea, at all.  Winter Soldier was alright.  Godzilla was okay, I just wish Brian Cranston had been the main character.  Into the Woods was fun, but jarringly stylized; it was like watching a Broadway play on screen rather than a movie adaptation of a Broadway play.

2015

Avengers: Age of Ultron (April 2015)

Jurassic World (May 2015)

Terminator Genisys (June 2015)

The Martian (September 2015)

The Hunger Hames: Mockingjay – Part 2 (November 2015)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (December 2015)

Oh Boy: I didn’t particularly like any of the movies I saw this year.  Genisys was stupid, but it’s sort of a guilty pleasure of mine.  I love The Martian book, and the movie wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either.  I liked The Force Awakens when it came out, but but I think I was nostalgia blind, and I can’t in good conscience continue to consume Disney movies now that I know how the evil corporate conglomerate sausage is made; they all feel like disingenuous cash grabs (and before you Disney Apologists jump down my throat, I acknowledge that there are teams of passionate artists working on every film, but you can’t look me in the eyes and say that the company isn’t micromanaging everything they do to focus group the stories and make them as profitable as possible)  I think Fury Road would probably be my top choice of the year; I’ve seen clips of it, and it looks really good.

2016

Deadpool (February 2016)

Zootopia (February 2016)

10 Cloverfield Lane (March 2016)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (March 2016)

Captain America: Civil War (April 2016)

X-Men: Apocalypse (May 2016)

Finding Dory (June 2016)

Independence Day: Resurgence (June 2016)

Star Trek Beyond (July 2016)

Ghostbusters (July 2016)

Suicide Squad (August 2016)

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (September 2016)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (November 2016)

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (December 2016)

Oh Boy 2, Electric Boogaloo: these were not great years.  10 Cloverfield Lane was excellent, and everyone should go see it right now (because according to the box office, nobody saw it when it came out).  Deadpool was funny but not groundbreaking for me.  I disliked Zootopia because it was copaganda and another saccharine Disney focus grouped movie product (for the record, I only saw it because they were playing it for free at my university one Friday night a few years later).  Batman v Superman sucked.  I liked Civil War, but again, Disney.  Finding Dory was disappointing because the original is so good (Marlin basically had to relearn everything he learned the first time).  Independence Day was terrible, but it genuinely felt like a sequel made in the 90s, so there’s that.  Ghostbusters wasn’t that funny to me; it’d be like if they remade Young Frankenstein, you can’t just remake a great comedy and expect it to work with a different cast.  Suicide Squad sucked, Miss Peregrine was disappointing because I liked the book, Fantastic Beats was forgettable, and Rogue One was bland throughout with a horrible ending and one (1) fun scene with Darth Vader.

2017

Get Out (February 2017)

Kong: Skull Island (March 2017)

Baby Driver (March 2017)

Alien: Covenant (May 2017)

Captain Underpants (June 2017)

Spider-Man: Homecoming (June 2017)

War for the Planet of the Apes (July 2017)

The Dark Tower (July 2017)

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (September 2017)

It (September 2017)

Jigsaw (October 2017)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (December 2017)

Top 3: Get Out was excellent, I had no idea Jordan Peele could do drama as well as he did comedy (and I loved the ending where the white family gets their comeuppance and the black protagonist doesn’t go to jail!)  Baby Driver is easily one of my favorite movies of all time; this was the first time I watched a movie and knew immediately that it would be nominated for an Oscar (it should have won, dammit; the sound editing was perfect).  Three Billboards made me cry, it’s so good. Other Notes: Kong was fun but forgettable.  Alien Covenant was fun but dumb (I was able to guess the twist immediately because they included ONE shot of David reaching for a knife; exclude that ONE shot, and I never would have guessed it).  Captain Underpants was fun (I loved the books growing up), but it was distracting to hear adult voices coming out of these 9 and 10-year-olds; I think the Netflix show does it WAY better.  War for the Planet of the Apes was disappointing, because I loved the first two; they never actually show the war, all the soldiers die in an avalanche at the end. It’s more like Great Escape fro the Planet of the Apes, if anything.  It was fun.  Jigsaw wasn’t not fun.  Last Jedi was a movie.

2018

The Cloverfield Paradox (February 2018)

Black Panther (February 2018)

A Quiet Place (April 2018)

Deadpool 2 (May 2018)

Solo: A Star Wars Story (May 2018)

Incredibles 2 (June 2018)

Operation Finale (August 2018)

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (December 2018)

Top 3: A Quiet Place was really good, and I liked how they got a real deaf actress to play the daughter.  Operation Finale was cathartic and I’m surprised it didn’t do well (I think it was weird that Ben Kingsley played Eichmann because he played Itzhak Stern, a Jewish worker, in Schindler’s List; he’s got range, I guess?) Spider-Verse is the best animated film of the decade, best Spider-Man film ever made, and one of my favorites movies of all time. Other Notes: Cloverfield Paradox was disappointing because I liked the first two so much.  Black Panther was good, but I just don’t like the MCU.  Deadpool 2 was fun, but I probably won’t see it again.  Solo was forgettable.  Incredibles 2 was not as good as I hoped it would be.

2019

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (February 2019)

Toy Story 4 (June 2019)

Spider-Man: Far From Home (July 2019)

Terminator: Dark Fate (November 2019)

Knives Out (November 2019)

Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (December 2019)

As it stands, I only REALLY liked Knives Out this year; it was an excellent whodunit and I cannot recommend it enough.  I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, I am never this engaged by a movie anymore, I had no idea where it was going, but I loved the ride the entire time (it was a SOLID movie, very tight, very well made).  How to Train Your Dragon 3 was disappointing; not a great ending to the series, and none of the characters have grown any (all the comic relief idiots are still comic relief idiots, and in fact there’s a whole scene where the villain gets annoyed with one of them and let’s them go to have some peace and quiet, which undercuts his villainy by making him look like a Loony Tunes character rather than a real threat).  I am swearing off Marvel movies from now on; I get nothing out of them anymore,and Disney will keep making billions regardless of my lost ticket revenue.  Terminator 5 was not great, but probably the third best of the series (I’d probably watch it again, but like Genisys it is a guilty pleasure, not a movie I enjoy unironically).  1917 looks good, and I am excited to see it.  Star Wars 9 look like a movie; after I see it, I am swearing off Disney movies entirely.  I would skip this one, but my mom insists that we all go see it as a family for Christmas, so it’s literally a holiday chore for me.  I want to see how it ends, but I don’t want to pay for it.  Oh, and it’ll never end.  They say this is the end, but we all know that’s a lie.  They’ll start production on Episodes X, XI and XII before the decade is out (the 2020s I mean).  Audiences haven’t reached Marvel Fatigue (and probably never will), so they sure as hell aren’t gonna reach Star War Fatigue any time soon; Disney will keep churning them out forever, at least once a year, maybe more.