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theetherealbloom · 2 years ago

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UNEVEN ODDS - CH. 6

Chapter Six: I Swear A Million Times To Hold You Just The Way You Like

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER AHH, (besties wrap it up!) Lowkey this chapter was poorly edited so sorry! Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Suicide, FLUFF, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, INFECTED, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing, TLOU is dark please read at your own risk! (MINORS, please run away :,)

Word Count: 17.3k (I hope this makes up for the delay my bad)

A/N: HELLAUR HOOMANS! Thank you again for all the love and support you have given me for this series! I truly appreciate you all for being here <3 This chapter and episode feels a little bit personal to write since I am someone who also has PTSD, so when I watched Pedro’s performance during those difficult panic attack scenes, I truly felt represented and seen. For me, my PTSD is subtle and not overly loud or noticeable at first glance, so when I saw it being portrayed that way I started ugly crying pls--

Song: Sweet Disaster by Oh Wonder

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TLOU WORLD – 2023

THREE MONTHS LATER…

WYOMING WILDERNESS, HEADING WEST – DAY

It’s been three months since the incident, and neither of you spoke about what happened that morning in Kansas City. The past few months of walking West have proven a challenge as the seasons begin to change. As you suspected, you noticed Joel slowly let Ellie in; he taught her how to look for tracks and how to properly keep watch the first time he fell asleep. Her questioning, her loving attitude, her nasty language, everything entered his heart gradually. He hadn't planned on it, but he now cares for her. You, on the other hand, were already fond of her, you taught her the more “fun” activities. Like looking for more constellations as time passes by, continuing educating her ASL, and teaching a few of your favorite songs from your original reality.

You occasionally hummed as the seasons changed, trying to fill the silence and somber with music. Joel and Ellie didn’t seem to mind, you asked if they were bothered or annoyed but Joel grunted, “Better than Ellie asking a million more questions.” You simply chuckled while Ellie protested and began to defend herself. And then there were the moments you couldn’t quite label. Small touches between you and Joel, providing each other comfort now and then, knowing how bad the loneliness can get to anyone. A squeeze on your shoulder, the brushing of fingers, and if you were lucky, you’d get to hold his hand for a period of time as you trekked through the terrain. You swore there were times you felt his gaze roaming every mile of skin you had, but every time you turned to look he was already busy doing something else.

The branches have exchanged their leaves for white sleeves and all warm-blooded creatures make ghosts as they breathe. As gentle as feathers, the snow piles high, this world gets rewritten and retraced every time. After seeing Cody crawling with infected, you three headed out to the large forest to find out if Tommy is still alive and in hiding. Even Ellie tried to point out that there was a possibility he didn’t make it, but as Joel had said before, he was persistent.

You came across a cozy cabin hidden in the forest. Realizing you had no other options, you had to ask for directions to where you were at the moment. A quiet and nice old lady, named Florence had resided and mentioned she was with her husband, Marlon. After making the soup she told three of you that her husband wouldn’t be happy they were in their home. You peeked past the curtains and out the window you saw he husband returning from hunting in the forest, hanging out two white rabbits by the door. Marlon walked inside his home to find her wife sitting upon the rocking chair, her gaze slowly moving towards Joel, him with his revolver out while you and Ellie are upstairs, quietly watching from the mezzanine.

Marlon reluctantly places his bow and arrows on the side entry table, removes his gloves, and unzips his outer jacket, while Joel grumbles out, “And the gun.” Marlon grunts, “Who the hell are you?” Joel walks a bit closer while demanding for him to cooperate, he says, “Just someone passing through. Take the gun out, two fingers only, put it out of reach.” The senior does as he’s told and places it on the other table and asks his wife who was quietly watching the interaction, “Why didn’t you shoot him?” She continues rocking back and forth, “The gun’s all the way over there. He didn’t hurt me by the way.”

“Yeah, I got eyes.” He nonchalantly replies and spots the empty soup bowl on the wooden living room table, “You made him soup?” Florence gives his husband an obvious answer, "Yeah, I did. It’s cold out.” He simply shakes his head and sits down on his own chair. “I’m looking for my brother.” Joel states and the other man replies and removes his cap, “Well, I ain’t seen him.” Your cowboy shakes his head, “I haven’t told you what he looks like.”

“He look anything like you?” He asks and Joel tilts his head, “A bit.”

Ellie taps your arm and whispers to you, “It’s you and Joel from the future.” You frown and shake your head as you whisper back to her, “No.” The young girl rolls her eyes, “Whatever, you should see the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention.” You blink at her, and you’re seemingly left speechless.

“Then I ain’t seen him,” He says, “He’s got a girl and his wife with him.” You hear Florence say and you nearly choke on air in surprise. Joel turns to look at her, pissed, and confused, and didn’t even bother to correct her. Ellie yells next to you, “Can I come down?” Joel raises his voice at her, “No! Ellie!” You couldn’t stop her as she excitedly runs downstairs, and you have no choice but to follow her.

The elderly couple laughs knowingly, Joel looks at you and Ellie, “What did I just say?” And you give him an apologetic look and Ellie replies, “Joel, come on. They’re like a thousand.” Marlon questions aloud, “Who’s this little psycho and her mother?” Your mouth slightly parted open, about to inform him that you weren’t married to Joel and you weren’t her mother but Joel dismissed it, “Never mind them. I need you to tell us where we are.” He went to the middle of the living room, shoving the map in his direction, cheekily the man throws back, “If you got a map, why you lost?” Ellie’s lips turn downwards as she replies sarcastically, “Must’ve missed all the street signs in the enormous fucking forest.”

Marlon whistles out, “Holy.” And Florence chuckles, still enjoying the excitement that they haven’t had in years. Joel sighs and points out on the map, “We’re somewhere here. Exactly where? And your answer better be the same as your wife’s.” Marlon glances back at his wife, “Did you tell him the truth?” She nods, “Yeah.” He raises an eyebrow at her, “Are you telling me the truth?” She doesn’t hesitate, “Yeah.” He lets out a deep exhale as he leans over, pointing where you all were currently.

Joel places his revolver back in his holster, his eyebrows are furrowed and he sighs in frustration, “Well, you found a great place to hide, I guess.” He sits down and you sit right next to him and Ellie mimics you both. “Hide? Came here before you were born, sonny. Get the hell away from everybody.” Marlon replied as his wife gives her input, “I didn’t want to.” He grumpily waves her off and you lean next to Ellie, “Okay, there’s some truth in what you said.” She gives you a smirk in response.

“Listen, I didn’t mean to upset you about your brother but if you’ve come this far, then you know what’s out there. You seen Cody?” Marlon asked while Joel clenches his jaw, and Ellie replies, “Yeah, got close enough. It’s crawling with Infected.” He hums in agreement, “Yeah, Laramie and Wind River Reservation. Anywhere people used to be, you can’t go there no more.” Joel doesn’t give up and asks, “So you haven’t heard the name, ‘Tommy’?”

“Nope.” He simply says and Ellie questions, “What about the Fireflies?” Florence replies this time, “We get those in the summer.” The young girl frowns, “Not the bugs, the people.” Cluelessly the woman asks, “There are firefly people?” Her husband chuckles and Joel's frown grows deeper, creating harsh lines on his forehead, “You got any advice on the best way west?” The senior man doesn’t miss a beat, “Yeah. Go east. But you never go past the river here.” He then points to a specific location on the map, the blue stream that flows across the paper, “Ever.”

“What’s past the river?” Ellie asked, brave and a little naive, the kind wise Florence replies, “Death. We never see who’s out there but we see the bodies they leave behind. Some infected, some not.” She turns to look at Joel, “If your brother is west of the river, he’s gone.” You lift your eyes to the man next to you, Joel has his eyebrows pinched, his gaze distant, and the lines by the side of his mouth are evident. Your heart sinks at the chance that the elderly couple might be right. “You’re not gonna scare us,” Ellie softly says and the woman answers, “Scared him.” Her husband chuckles and Joel scrambles to get out of there, not saying a single word, he’s grabbing the map and packs up the rest of his things.

You and Ellie are quick to follow after him as she comments, “You don’t seriously believe them.” Joel’s footsteps are loud with every crunch of snow, “They’ve lived here a long time.” He turns and you do too to see Ellie grab a rabbit, “Put that back.” Ellie doesn’t listen and swings the dead rabbit behind her back, “They don’t know anything. Never heard of the fireflies.” Joel unexpectedly stops walking, and you can hear his breathing become labored as he places his hand on the wooden fence, you angle your head to the right in confusion and concern.

Joel only hears muffled echoes as the ringing in his ears overpowers his senses, “Joel? Are you okay?” You softly ask and there is no response, you hear Ellie begin to worry as well and lines begin to form across your forehead. “Shut up.” His voice was barely audible as he places his hand on his chest. You jerk back, but you try to decode what was happening. Ellie then asks him, “Holy shit. Are you dying?” He shakes his head in response, “I’m okay.” But the world seems to spin around him, his vision feels blurry and the weightlessness he feels is unsettling, unable to process the news he had just heard and the possible chance his brother is no longer alive. The further he goes West, the more his paternal empathy is starting to merge Ellie and Sarah into one.

Yours and Ellie’s voices merge into one large echo as you both try and make sure he’s alright. “I’m fine.” You both don’t buy it, “No, no, but are you? Because just a reminder that if you’re dead, we’re fucked.” Ellie said, referring to both of you, which seemingly brings Joel grounded remembering he is now a caretaker and guardian to the both of you, he turns to you as he assures, “I said I’m fine. It’s just the… cold air all of a sudden.”

You don’t buy it one bit but you don’t want to diagnose him immediately so you keep silent and listen to Ellie speak as she marches on forward while ducking under the wooden fence, “All right, uh… let’s go and find Tommy and, and the Fireflies.” Joel grunts and looks at you and you avert your eyes from him, quickly following Ellie.

“It’s gonna be easy,” Ellie said, stumbling a little but marching on, “All we have to do is cross the River of Death.”

All the bruises seem to surface like mud beneath the snow, your feet dug into the snow, a small thin path of footprints lay behind me, telling me where you have come from, but not where you are going. The winds were cold, almost freezing your skin with a simple touch. The icy winds blew against your jacket, the fabric keeping you warm, enough to feel comfortable but not to keep your cold thoughts away. You knew about Jackson, but you weren’t entirely sure where exactly the town was. You silently hope Tommy was fine and nothing had changed.

You gazed around the land, nothing but unending snow and ice, almost a hint that this land had gotten incredibly secluded through the years. After the trees reached the sky, children laughed and played, and the sounds of birds chirping in the woods woke me up from my long rest. It was almost as if the world itself was a part of you, but now that everything has turned frigid and awful, you hardly recognize it.

You see a river stream to your left, Ellie stops to look at it and rolls her eyes as she sarcastically says, “The River of Death. Scary.” Joel sighs, “Don’t start. It’s too close to dark. There’s some caves along the river. We’ll set up camp there, cross in the mornin’.” Ellie smiles, “Good. I’m starving. Should’ve stolen two rabbits.” You ruffle her hair a little bit and Joel replies, “We can get our own rabbits.”

Ellie excitedly asks as she looks up at Joel, “You gonna teach me how? You taught Birdie.” You bite back a smile from the memory, his entire firm body was behind you, hands on either side of you, the ghost of his breath as he whispered instructions creating a trail of goosebumps. If you were being honest, you were very close to kissing him, but you were too afraid to mess it all up, to ask if he felt it too, and continued to wait for him to be ready. “Just keep movin’.” Joel dismisses her and the girl sighs in frustration and exhaustion. You look to Joel, your eyes gazing into his brown ones, hoping that if you stare long enough you could magically read his mind, then turned to trail after Ellie.

WYOMING WILDERNESS, CAVE – NIGHT

Your campfire appeared to echo the starlight and bounced off the walls of the small cave as if the flames so close and so distant had so very much to say to one another. It crackled and spat before hissing into life. Its lambent light stole away the velvet-black shadows dancing on the wall. As that dry, withered stump slowly releases years and years of energy soaked up from the sun, the air, and the ground around it, outcome bright lights, whispering hisses, sizzling pops, and a thick, intoxicating smell of musky smoke and pine needles.

You sit atop a large rock by the edge with Ellie, both of your heads are tilted up, black heavens are the perfect stage upon which the brightest of hues dance. You could watch the aurora lights for infinity and always see that it is new, a unique moment and beauty in all of existence. Rays of light fall from the sky, making drapes that stretch across the sky. And they are reminiscent of fluttering drapes or curtains in the wind. There is also a violet and a crimson trim at the bottom and top ends. Sometimes the hues are blended together and braided into one another. New beams of light streaming down from space cause the curtains to vanish and reappear.

Joel looks up to find you both whispering and giggling, you are pointing up at the sky and moving excitedly as you explained the glow from the stars and the infinite rays of light creating waves in the cold midnight sky. He watches Ellie lean her head on your shoulder and you gently rub her back, eventually giving her a light squeeze as a form of a side hug. He brings his fingers to his lips, and a shrill attention-grabbing pierces through the air, both of you swiftly turn your attention to Joel who says, “Come down from there. You’re both gonna break your necks.”

You and Ellie make your way down the high rock, and both of you walk to Joel who was sipping from his flask. Ellie curiously asks Joel, “Ahh… Can I have some?” He shakes his head at her, “No.” The fourteen-year-old whines, “What? Just to warm up. C’mon.” Joel looks at you, and you were surprised he wanted your input or permission. You simply nodded, letting him give the metal flask to Ellie which she receives with a bright smile, she raises it in thanks and takes a large sip. Her face twists into a sour expression, her eyes shut for a brief moment while her eyebrows meet in the middle, “Yep… still gross.” Ellie hands it back to Joel and he asks if you want some to which you respond with a shake of your head. She lets out a little cough and Joel quietly sips from his flask.

“So, I’ve been thinking. Let’s say we find the Fireflies, it all works, they draw my blood and put it through some of their fancy machines and make a cure.” Ellie says and you watch Joel shift his eyes a bit, trying to figure out where this is heading, “Okay?” Ellie raises her eyebrows as she asks aloud, “Then what? Like, what do we do?” Joel raises his defenses, trying to keep the invisible bricks intact steady, “Oh, it’s ‘we’?” Unintentionally you sigh loudly in exasperation, looking at Joel with your eyelids heavy, you nervously lick the bottom of your lip and cling to your patience as it slowly slips through your fingers like sand. Ellie also sighs and reforms her question, “Okay, fine. Whatever. You. Her. You both can do anything you want. Where are you going? What are you doing?”

Joel clears his throat, “It’s never been an option. Maybe… an old farmhouse, some land… a ranch.” Ellie encourages him to continue, “Cool. What kind?” He replies while he smugly looks at Ellie “Sheep. I would raise sheep. They’re quiet… do what they’re told.” Ellie rolls her eyes and nods, “Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, just you and a buncha sheep. Romantic.” You smile at the thought of him living a domesticated life, no more danger or violence, just simple and safe. Joel hesitates a little before asking Ellie, “And what about you? Where are you gonna go?”

She raises her head high, looking up at the full midnight moon glimmering bright along with the twinkling stars, “It’s probably cause I grew up in the QZ. Behind you, there’s ocean, and ahead of you, there’s a wall. Nowhere else to look but up. I read everything I could in the school library. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell. But you know who my favorite is?” You create creases beneath your eyes as you smile widely, having a pretty good guess as to who. You and Joel say the same thing at the same time, “Sally Ride.” Ellie grins, “Sally fuckin’ Ride! Best astronaut name ever. How about you Birdie?” You blink twice, “What?” She raises an eyebrow, “What are you gonna do when after I save the world? Are you gonna try to go back to your world or whatever?”

You've trusted and refused every compass you've followed, and the same is true of an ever-changing concept of right. You wrap your arms around your middle, and your shoulders rise and fall as you breathe, “Um… I actually haven’t thought about that. I don’t know.” She looks at you with confusion and questions “Don’t you want to go back home?” Her inquiry causes you to shrink into yourself a little more, not wanting to answer, craving to distance yourself from Joel and Ellie’s gaze. You swallow nervously and look down at your worn-out boots, “I… Maybe. It might take a long time before I could figure out something. But to be honest Ellie, I never felt… at home there. So many things that I had before, but they don't matter to me now.”

Then it becomes quiet for a bit, you watch Ellie blink a couple of times, the crackling bright glow of the orange fire illuminating on side of her face, as she begins to question the future before her, she couldn’t help but wonder, “It’ll work, right? The vaccine?” Joel looks down unsure, “It’s a little late to start wonderin’.”

“I tried, with Sam,” Ellie says as she doesn’t bring her eyes to either of you, your eyes soften at her admittance, none of you have talked about what had happened, not wanting to dwell on the past too much, but to hear her finally bring it up giving you a sense of pride, for her to have the courage to speak about something so traumatic. Joel continued the conversation by asking her what she meant, “Tried what?” She still couldn’t bring herself to look at either of you, choosing to gaze into the campfire, “I knew he was infected. I rubbed some of my blood into his bite. I know, I know, it was stupid. But I… I wanted to save him.” Joel softly says, the wind carrying his words into the night, “Well, I reckon it’s a lot more complicated than that. Marlene, she’s a lotta things, but… she’s no fool. If she says they can do it, they can do it.” Ellie doesn’t say anything as she nods and he takes a large gulp from his flask, throwing his head back as he does.

The fire crackles loudly, but Ellie’s voice could be heard as she asked, “You wanna take first watch or second?” Joel grunts out, “I’ll do both. Get some sleep.” You opened your mouth to dispute him, saying that you could do the first watch but he doesn’t let you get a single syllable in as he narrows his eyes at you, “No.” You huff in annoyance and say nothing. You and Ellie get up to go deeper into the cave as Joel says to the both of you while grabbing his rifle, “Dream of… going home to sheep ranches on the moon.” Ellie gives him another nod, “I will.”

WYOMING WILDERNESS, CAVE – EARLY MORNING

The snow forest feels to the rest of the world like a gift waiting to be opened. Upon the ascent of the daylight, the wilderness is so bitter cold. It exudes a clean aura that invites the soul to pause for a minute and allow the sight to permeate the soul. You live in the moment, the past is always gone, and each day is something new, a stepping stone into a future you dream of even in the cold. The last of the morning stars were blinking out tragically above you. They glowed like bling-silver grains of sand in the early sky. It was a sight to see as their bejeweled splendor faded into nothingness. A ghostly, orb-white winter moon lingered there, eerily similar to a faint strobe light. A halo of brilliant golden encircled its waning brilliance. The sky around it was a vast sheet of grate-grey, with a plum-purple hue near the horizon.

You woke up a bit earlier than usual, and you found Joel passed out, laying on his side and using his jacket as a pillow. You could hear the birds squawking from above the trees, and see the campfire had dimmed. Quietly, you pushed yourself up and grabbed the rifle he had left beside him. You did the usual checks to ensure the safety of everyone, and to see if there were any tracks or unwanted animals lurking around. So far, luckily, you three were safe for the time being.

You made your way back to the cave, finding Ellie alert and awake. She looks at Joel and then back at you, and you raise your finger to your lips, indicating that she should let Joel rest and be quiet. The young girl nods in understanding, silently walking towards you, the both of you taking watch. You let Ellie practice what Joel had taught her and let her hold the rifle in the meantime. And she did everything perfectly.

As time passed and the sun began to rise from the east, you hear Joel mumble in his sleep. You tuned your ears to his whimpers and mumbling, catching the words, “Supposed to be me… Supposed to…” You frown in understanding and worry, you had your fair share of nightmares fueled by guilt. Joel startles awake, gasping for air as he pushes himself up frantically searching for his rifle, only to find you and Ellie standing guard. Ellie couldn’t help herself as she quips, “Still mumbling in your sleep. Birdie and I woke up early. You were passed out, so we both took second watch.”

Joel’s fury sprang to life as he stood up, “You gotta wake me up if that happens. Both of you can’t do things like this.” You felt a flash of irritation as you say to him, “But we can… ‘cause we just did.” He’s quiet for a moment, caught off guard by your reaction, then he speaks, “I’m responsible for both of you, okay?” Ellie is quick to throw back, “Then don’t fall asleep.” She began to recount detail and instruction Joel had given her before when he taught her while you proudly smirk at him, “What can I say, man? I’m a natural.” Joel grouchily nods, “Uh-huh.” And gestures to her to give him back the rifle, he nods at her in approval this time, “You wake me up next time.” Ellie rolls her eyes and smiles sarcastically, “Yes, sir. But you should know that Birdie woke up before me.”

Your eyes widen at her, “Ellie, don’t throw me under the bus!” She chuckles at you as Joel gives you a pointed look and you raise your eyebrows at him, daring him to try and argue, instead he just shakes his head, “Let’s get goin’.”

The cold air stung your cheeks and you pulled your scarf up closer to your face. As you looked around you took notice of the white blanket of snow covering the trees, ground, and mountains. The smell of damp pine trees made the air feel fresh and clean. The world around you was frozen in a glaring white quiet. Nothing made a sound, nothing moved, nothing sang. Winter's slavering teeth have vanished. Its piercing winds had stripped the trees of their final leaves, leaving them naked and brooding in a harsh world. They were groaning beneath the weight of the snow, encased in their medical coats. A great limb would occasionally groan, shatter, and collapse. It sounded like an explosion went off in the jungle. Apart from that, the woodland was engulfed in an eerie stillness. There was no morning chorus, sound symphony, or avian orchestra. The entire globe was encased in a dome of quiet. Winter's lethal grasp has strangled and suffocated all life on the planet. Snowflakes fluttered down on the three of you, sylph-like in their airy quiet. They glinted like crushed diamond dust as they landed. A shimmering winter scape of white and silver.

The sudden gunshot disrupted the peace of the forest, and the startled geese began to honk and fly off into the distance, Joel waits for a bit to ensure it was safe to cross the bridge, Ellie observes, waiting for something to happen, but nothing does, “The River of Death. Still no people.” Joel grumbles out, “Fine.” Then proceeds to stand up, and walk to the entrance of the bridge as you and Ellie closely follow him from behind.

As you continue to make your way across the bridge, Ellie tries to whistle like Joel, however, no high pitch sound comes out, just puffs of air. Joel turns around in confusion, and Ellie’s reply is muffled by her fingers, “I’m learning how to whistle.” And Joel looks at her incredulously, “You don’t know how to whistle?” She retorts, “Does it sound like I know how to whistle?” He says the obvious, “No.” You laugh, letting yourself enjoy the little moments of peace with the two. “Seriously, though, how the fuck do you do that?” Ellie asks walking a little bit ahead and you walking side-by-side with Joel, he harrumphs, “Talent.” And you lightly smack his arm at his response, and you swore you saw him give you a small smile, Ellie mutters, “Whatever. You should teach me how to hunt.”

“Huh.” Joel states, and Ellie mocks him, “‘Huh’. Like. ‘She’s a girl. She can’t handle it.’” Joel speaks as he trudges through the snow, “You can handle the shootin’. Not so sure about the dressin’.” Ellie sighs, “What’s the dressin’?” You and Joel walk a little bit past her and he replies, “The part where you take the guts out.” And your nose scrunches up at the thought while Ellie says, “Oh, yeah. Why do they call it dressing? It’s like you should call it undressing ‘cause it is. It’s like… undressing from the inside.” She paused for a bit to catch her breath before saying, “Still interested, though.”

The sound of water rushing fills your ears as you waddled through the snow, stumbling upon a large structure. Dams were mechanical temples that harnessed the victorious powers of water, power, and terrestrial fertility for human advantage. “Dam.” Ellie said, and you rolled your eyes in amusement while Joel tells her, “You’re no Will Livingston.” She quickly throws back at him, “Yeah, yeah, but who is? So that made electricity?” Referencing the Dam in front of them, Joel mutters, “Yeah. Don’t ask me. I don’t have a clue.” Ellie laughs, “You know, you could’ve just made something up. I would’ve believed you.” Joel answers, “Ask Birdie, she’s practically a walking encyclopedia.”

“I don’t know whether to be offended or amazed at the fact you know what an encyclopedia is.” You quip at him with a smirk and his lip quirks up in a small smirk at you, and his eyes twinkle with mischief and desire as his pupils slightly darken, “Smartass.” You winked at him, “You like it.”

“Damn right.” He said with his eyes unwavering from yours, and you felt every atom in your body spark to life. Joel’s heavy breathing stirred the tiny hairs on your neck, sending a shiver into every cell of your body. Ellie disrupted you both as she makes a disgusted groan, “If the two of you are done flirting can we please keep moving?” The heat of embarrassment rushed into your face, leaving you speechless as you decide to break away from his stare and keep marching forward.

“Look at that river. It’s crazy blue.” Ellie said then was immediately quiet after, somewhere between then and now irony slipped its way into her vocabulary, laughter became an anecdote for guilt, sacrifice grew to be a band name for shame and unnecessary death became a nightmare that rode her piggyback. At this point, the thought suddenly struck her, “Hey, Joel, Birdie… what if this is the River of Death?”

Joel grabs the map from his jacket pocket and unfolds it, checking to see if Ellie was right. The cold wind harshly bit into your skin as you three stared at the crystal blue river. At first, you couldn’t see them, but you could hear them—the snapping of twigs, the crunch of snow, and the clopping sound of horse hoofs. There were more than one, more than three, and they were closing in. Joel tried to grab you and Ellie to run, but they were too quick, and organized, and had you surrounded in seconds with their guns and rifles pointed at you. “Get behind me,” Joel said, slightly pushing both of you behind his tall frame. You all raised your hands up, and showed no sign of aggression, Joel shouts, “We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble. We’re just passin’ through.”

“Drop the gun,” the harsh voice ordered in front of you, Joel does as he’s told and so do you. “Both of you… take five steps back.” the man says, and Joel tries to reason with him, “How ‘bout we just talk this through?” And the unknown man unrelentingly replies, “How ‘bout you shut the fuck up?” Joel's shoulders tense, “Okay, easy.” He turns to both of you, Ellie has her eyes wide open and mouth slightly parted, her hands slightly quivering and you trying to steady your breathing, “You’ll both be okay.”

You follow the orders given to you and take five steps back and you hear the man ask, “You been near Infected?” And Joel replies, “There’s no Infected out here.” He doesn’t buy it one bit and retorts, “The hell there ain’t.” He whistles and you hear a short, abrupt vocalization, relatively loud and high-pitched, changes in frequency, the bark of an excited dog, “Last chance for a bullet. If you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.”

The black large dog continues to bark and its handler removes his leash, he prances over to Joel, sniffing him up and down, jumps up to place his paws on his stomach, looks at him then whines, not finding any indication of the virus. The dog walks back over to his handler for a treat while Joel’s Texan accent becomes heavy, “Like I said… we’ll just move on.” The man still has his rifle pointed at you as he sits atop his horse, he nods over in your and Ellie’s direction, “Now both of them.”

Your heart drops, and you hear Ellie’s breathing become shaky. The flip in your stomach takes over all of your senses, you are frozen and unmoving as you watch the dog crouch lowly and growl at you and Ellie. Joel turns back to glance at you both and you’re worriedly looking at him. He turns around, not bringing himself to watch, the world becomes quiet, the silent ringing returns, and his lungs are clawing for air. It brings him back to that moment when the world took her away, his Sarah, the powerlessness and helplessness feeling that had followed him over the past twenty years. The weight of the world was placed on his shoulders that faithful day.

The sound of a high-pitched bark brings him back to the present, he hears you and Ellie giggle and turns to find you and her completely fine, happily rubbing and petting the dog as the creature licks and wags its tail. The man whistles and the dog is called away, you and Ellie stand up from the snow and hear the leader say, “You just bought yourself ten more seconds. What are you doin’ out here?” Joel quickly replies, “I’m just lookin’ for my brother. That’s all, nothin’ more.” A beautiful woman, whose skin was as rich and deep as any stately home mahogany, exclaims, “Ho!” And walks her horse forward, “What’s your name?” He answers breathlessly, “Joel.” And his name became the key, the password, and the answer, for them to escort you into their town.

You three were given and allowed to ride your own horses, the cold wind rushing past me. The sun’s rays of light are covered by the darkness of the clouds. Hooves, galloping along the plush white snow, the loud clopping and crunch fill your ears as you hold onto the reins. In the distance, you see a large wooden wall with a giant gate, men and women stationed on top, ready to shoot any intruders. One of the men raises a red bandana, a signal to one of the guards on watch.

The large gate opens for all of you, the horses begin to trot at a normal pace as you take in the sight of Jackson. Underneath you are fluffy, cold snow. The sounds of slush fill your ears. You watch as the misty fog escapes your mouth anytime you take a breath. Every time you inhale a frigid prickle enters your lungs and every time you exhale the heat from your breath warms your lips. Around you are naked trees covered in powder-white snow, glistening in the daylight. The town is neatly arranged, and it felt comfortable and safe. You spot the Tipsy Bison on the right, a location you recognized, then bring your eyes to observe the people around you. A thriving and collaborative community, stable enough to provide and care for the elderly and children.

You continue on forward, spotting Tommy on top of the scaffolding, helping with construction work. You angle your head to look at Joel as he shouts at the top of his lungs, “Tommy!” His brother stops what he’s doing to look at Joel, then he proceeds to run down the steps leading up to the scaffolding, Joel urgently dismounts from his horse, and the people around town watch as the two brothers reunite, a large impactful hug from the both of them, secure and firm. Their shoulders move up and down as the two laugh loudly, finally, all of the pieces align and the balance is clearly defined, he sighs and settles down for the first time.

Tommy smiles as he asks his older brother, “What the fuck are you doin’ here?” Joel looks at you and Ellie for a second before back to Tommy, replying, “I came here to save you.” Joel begins to laugh again, his chuckle a melody you’ve rarely heard before, a sound you keep in your back pocket just in case.

You bring your gaze to Ellie, whose expression is mixed and jealous, sensing that she’s now a bit less important in Joel’s life. You look back at the two brothers, turning down the volume of your heart, the massive table of countless dominos, all lined up and weaving in and out of each other, every relationship and decision in every piece of domino, subconsciously shrinking the row of dominos the best you can. Eliminating your opinions or wants and desires, convincing yourself that this will be simple by just focusing on the needs of everyone else but yourself. The only form of control you’ve had looks like empathy to understand all sides.

MESS HALL, JACKSON COUNTY, WYOMING – AFTERNOON

The mess hall was large, warm, and inviting. The indistinct chatter fills the giant wooden cabin, lightbulbs twinkling from above, and dining tables lined up neatly. Ellie was sat in between you and Joel, she is scarfing down her food, eagerly eating everything that was on her plate and so was Joel. You were meekly eating, trying to not draw attention to yourself, as you quietly chewed on your potatoes. “There’s more if you need it.” And you soon come to realize that this must be Maria, the way Tommy’s body language is drawn and pulled close to her, you smile when you hear Joel reply politely, “Thank you, ma’am.” And you also offer your thanks to her and she nods in your direction in acknowledgment. Joel cuts into his food as he says, “It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.” Ellie pipes in, “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal. This is fuckin’ amazing.” You wince in second-hand embarrassment and so does Joel, he turns to Maria, “Sorry. Ellie… let’s mind our manners.” Tommy smirks knowingly. At one moment, another girl furtively looks at Ellie, until Ellie loudly says “What?!” and scares her off. Joel’s lips turn down and his eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What’s wrong with you?” Ellie doesn’t relent, “What about her manners?”

“She was just curious. Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.” Maria points out and Ellie nods, “Right… well, maybe I’ll teach them. And I want my gun back.” Maria shakes her head, “They also aren’t armed.” The young brave girl glares at her in response, Tommy decides to step in, “You know what? Uh… I think maybe ya’ll got a little off on the wrong foot.” Ellie raises her tone and points out, “She was gonna have our guys kill us.” Joel gives her a pointed look, an indication for her to stop being disrespectful but Tommy calmly responds, “Well, we gotta be real careful about who we let in this place. But it’s all bark. We’re just trying to scare off those who might wanna try us is all.” Ellie nonchalantly says, “Well you got a couple of ninety-year-olds who shitting themselves out there.” You and Joel chastise her quickly, “Ellie.” But she doesn’t care, “They say that you leave dead bodies around?” Maria doesn’t deny the ugly truth, “Those are the people who tried us.” Tommy adds, “A bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad.” Maria narrows her eyes at Joel as she comments, “Not always, at least.” You feel your anger flare up from your chest as you grip your knife tighter, glaring at Maria for suggesting such a thing.

Joel swallows down his food and his shame, “Ma’am… we’re grateful for your hospitality and all. But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.” You place an elbow on the table, using your hand to hide your face in embarrassment as you squirm in your chair, you hear Tommy clear his throat, “Well um…” You peek past your hand and watch him grab Maria’s hand, spotting the wedding band on his left ring finger, “Maria is family, actually.” Ellie blinks in surprise as she says, “Oh, shit! Congrats.” You bring your eyes to Joel’s unmoving figure, frozen in shock from the sudden news as his breathing becomes unsteady, Ellie softly whispers to him, “Joel, say congrats.” The all-too-familiar cold tone is unmistakable as he grits his teeth to say, “Congrats.” There’s an awkward silence between the two parties, and you take a large gulp of your water and Tommy offers, “How ‘bout a tour.” You nod as you’re the first one to get up from your chair, not liking the possibility of conflict between the two brothers, “Yes, please.”

JACKSON, WYOMING – AFTERNOON

The town had a large plaza, and a giant vibrant Christmas tree in the center, Maria spoke as she walked, and the rest of you followed, “We settled here about seven years ago. Just a handful of us back then.” She points out a section of the town, “That section was already a gated community, so we built the rest of the wall out from there. Stopped most of the raiding parties, but we still find pockets of them.” Joel warily looks around, “And you said Infected?” Tommy nods, “Yeah, but usually in smaller colonies, wandered off from the cities. All this open country out there… it’s a turkey shoot. I still got my 700, but I found a variable power scope. Sub MOA. Can headshot those fuckers from half a mile out.”

“Can you teach me how?” Ellie asks and Joel is quick to respond for him, “No, he can’t. How do you keep this place quiet?” Maria replies, “Carefully. Being in the middle of nowhere helps. Not advertising what we have, staying off the radio.” Joel stares at his brother and Tommy shrinks away from his pointed look, you listen to Maria as she explains the purpose of each building, “House of worship, multifaith. School. Laundry. Old bank works as a jail, not that we’ve needed it.” Joel looks to one of the electric poles, “And you draw power from the dam?” Maria confirms his suspicion, nodding, “Got that workin’ a couple years ago. After that, sewage, plumbing, water heaters… lights.” Ellie shakes her head, seemingly impressed, “This place actually fuckin’ works.”

The group makes their way to the farm, and a herd of sheep passes by, and Ellie points it out as she smiles at him, “Hey, Joel, check it. Baa.” Ellie playfully swings her arms back and forth as she asks Maria, “Are you, like, in charge?” She looks at Tommy for a bit before replying, “No one person’s in charge. I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving three hundred people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.” Tommy picks off where she left off, “Everything you see in our town… greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership,” to which Joel replies, "So, uh, communism." Tommy's knee-jerk reaction is, "Nah. Nah, it ain't like that." His discomfort with the term pulls from over a century of distortion of the fundamental principles of communism. “It is that, literally. This is a commune. We're communists," Maria states modestly, to which Tommy’s discomfort at the thought causes him to stagger a bit, to which you offer, “I can try and explain it later.” Tommy nods in thanks and you give him a reassuring smile.

“No way!” Ellie exclaims as she makes her way to the stables, Maria trails behind her and you follow the two ladies, “That’s our newest one. Couple months old. You wanna pet her?” Ellie’s smile is as bright as the sun and her teeth as white as the snow beneath you, wide and happy, “Yeah, what’s her name?” Ellie asks to which Maria replies, “Shimmer.” Your smile falters a bit, recognizing the name from the second game, but you shake it off, not wanting to keep looking into the future. “Shimmer you’re so beautiful,” Ellie says as she pets the pony gently, completely enamored by her beauty and gentle grace. Maria turns to Tommy and discusses the possible sleeping arrangement, “Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower, some new clothes. We can put them in the empty house across the street from us.” Her husband nods in agreement, “Yeah. It’s a decent place. Pretty much untouched since the ‘03, but it’s got the heat goin’ in it. Could do worse.” Ellie carelessly remarks, “Oh, trust me, we have been.”

Joel has his eyes narrowed and annoyed, “We’ve been doin’ fine.” You get the slight feeling he’s being defensive, and Maria looks at you and Ellie, and tells her husband, “Well I’ll take her and Ellie over there if you two wanna catch up.” Tommy then looks to his older brother for approval and Joel nods, “Yeah. Okay.” You and Ellie whip your head to face Joel, slightly unnerved and fearful of the unknown, and potentially Joel pushing you both away. “Joel.” Ellie says and he brushes her off as he walks away, “You’ll be fine.” Maria asks the both of you, “Shall we?” And having no choice but to follow her you both nod, “Uh, yeah.”

THE RANCH, MASTER BEDROOM

JACKSON, WYOMING – AFTERNOON

The warm hot shower soothes your skin as you wash off the grime and dirt of the last few months. At some point, you had decided to sit down in the bathtub of the shower, letting the water hit your skin freely, your eyes distant and gaze unsteady as you watch the steam of the shower move to the light. You hug your knees close to your chest, rest your chin on your knees, and finally let yourself go.

The haze takes over your vision, a sculpture of water and unsettled dust, and your exhausted mind only wants to be carried home. So you fight with the concept of grace while attempting to hold everything in place. You were so full of life that you could barely hold it in. You were amateurs at war, strangers to suffering. Your questions ricochet like broken satellites. How did your bodies, born to heal, become so prone to die? Your nights have grown so long and now you beg for sound advice, time has been ruthless and unkind, every turn in the corner of the maze only to be faced with a dead end, the trapdoors you couldn’t see, and the lives that were lost to your journey to Jackson. You felt so vulnerable and fragile, the fact that the foundation of society was shaken to its core due to the pandemic, governments, families, and lives as you know them, will never be the same again. As life replayed, you hear the voice in the back of your mind proclaim, to let the brokenness be felt until you reach the other side.

The sting in your eyes as the tears escape from your eyes, allows for the cold embrace of the depression you’ve kept hidden and at bay for so long. Sometimes you pretend you are evergreen and keep your cards close to your chest. But this time you allow yourself the reprieve, as you quietly sob into your hands and gasp for air now and then, letting every little fracture of you shatter out loud. Wondering if your messes mattered and if all the chaos counted as you felt empty-handed. You had set sail along the universe's ocean of the unknown with cheap wood and tried to patch up every leak that you could until the blame grew too heavy.

You reflected on the world that you were unintentionally placed in, presenting the world through a different lens, a world that turned hostile and dangerous. But a story that explored how nevertheless you can still find love and meaning, the longing for human connections, and how willing you are to sacrifice everything to safeguard the people you love.

You hadn’t planned on it, the greater weight of the truth settling inside of you. Fundamental resilience and a built-in resistance, and against your judgment, prevent you from completely surrendering yourself from truly giving up on being human. You open your eyes and slowly rise to your feet, placing your palm on the wall, you blink and try to look past the undefined and fragile promise at the light at the end of the tunnel. You nod, shakily you breathe, and whisper to no one in particular, “I guess that’s how it goes.”

After the mental breakdown in the shower, you stepped out of the bathroom fresh and felt a little bit lighter. You lift your chin a little higher and open your eyes a little wider despite the puffiness in your eyes. You are wrapped in a towel, and as you make your way to the foot of the bed, you find fresh clean clothes to wear and a menstrual cup. You smile at the thoughtful gift and find a note, that reads ‘I’m just across the street. Come by when you’re done.’

You get dressed and make your way down the hall to Ellie’s room, you knock on her door and call for her, “Ellie? You there?” When no reply came, you slowly opened the door to find her gone and after investigating a little bit, you see a similar note from Maria. You figured she had already gone over. You leave her room and walk across the street to Maria’s house, knocking on the door and Ellie opening the door for you. You smile at her as you walk inside, appreciating the warmth already provided by the fireplace.

You take a good look at the living room, yellow curtains by the window, a messy coffee table with an unsolved crossword, and a large cozy couch facing the fireplace as it crackles and roars. Your eyes catch the small blackboard sitting on top of the fireplace with two candles on each side. Ellie walks over to it and you follow closely behind her as she stares up at the two names. Kevin and Sarah, with the dates, that they were born and taken away too soon from this world.

You let out an uneven exhale and feel your frown deepen, as the flashbacks of Joel’s life come back to you in a blur. The scream for mercy, watching him tear apart with each cry and wail from his hoarse voice. The day the world ended was the same day his world ended. Something broken that cannot be fixed. You both turn your heads to the sound of the back door opening, Maria enters bringing the cold wind with her until she closes the door behind her, “Oh, good. Just traded for these two. Go ahead, try it on.” She hands Ellie a deep purple long coat while yours is A sophisticated medium gray with the barest hint of violet. The young girl comments as she wears her purple puffer coat, “It’s, uh, super fuckin’ purple.” You bend down a little to help Ellie with her coat, fixing the collar and the lining, Maria nods, “Eggplant. It fits?” Ellie replies, “Yeah.” Maria continues to fuss over her as you put on your coat, “Shoes aren’t too big?” She answers, “Uh, no. Where’s our other stuff?” Maria lifts her shoulders, “Rag pile. Did you both get the thing I left you?” You merely nod while Ellie bluntly replies, “Yeah. Weirdest gift ever.” Maria nods in agreement but says, “But useful. Who’s been cutting your hair?”

“Uh, world-class salons,” Ellie says plainly and it earns a laugh from you and Maria, “Let me get my scissors.” Ellie’s mouth opens to protest but Maria doesn’t let her argue, “Trim. That’s all. Just the ends, I promise. And her too, she’ll go first so you can see that you have nothing to worry about.” Referring to you as she walks to the kitchen. You ruffle Ellie’s hair and whisper to her, “Just let her,” to which she sighs and takes a seat on one of the dining table chairs.

The trim was much needed. Maria had cut your hair in the style you wanted with such precision and skill. You happily thanked her with a polite smile, sat down on one of the other chairs, and let Ellie go next, of course, Ellie being the curious kid she is, begins to interrogate Maria, “So, this was, like, your job back then or something?” The sharp snips of scissors fill the silence for a bit before she answers, “No, I was an Assitant District Attorney out of Omaha, Nebraska. I put the bad guys in jail. I always liked doing hair though. Maybe it was a mom thing.”

“Damn, that’s pretty impressive.” You said and she gives you her thanks and asks, “What did you do for work?” Your smile falters, “Um, I used to be a researcher, a Quantum physicist.” The quiet was nice for a moment before she comments, “You both were looking at the little memorial Tommy made?” Ellie answers for the both of you, “Uh, yeah.” She stumbles on her words, “I’m- I’m sorry about your kids.” Your nails dig into your palm and listen to Maria reply, “It’s okay. And kid. Just Kevin. Sarah was Joel’s daughter.”The heavy silence that follows tells Maria that Ellie didn’t know that before, and you find it harder to breathe, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s okay. I guess that explains him a little,” Ellie says and she brings her eyes to you, “Did you know?” You squirm, the feeling of deja vu from when you first heard those words from Joel, the accusatory glance, and the betrayal in her eyes. “Yes,” You said and she scoffs at you, “Why? Why didn’t you say anything?” You pull back and raise your eyebrows at her, “You and I both know that was never my story to tell or share. No amount of knowledge will ever excuse the fact that I can never talk about what happened without Joel’s explicit consent.” Ellie resigns from her lashing out and nods at you with understanding, and you simply sighed. Maria chimes in, “Look, I’m not gonna ask you what you both are doing with him.”

“Good.” You and Ellie say at the same time, quickly protective of Joel but Maria continues with her statement, “But there are clearly things you both don’t know about Joel.” You glare at Maria while the teen remains typically testy, “Oh, like how he used to kill people? We know about that.” Ellie rebukes with vigor and impresses Maria with it somewhat, “So then you understand my concern.” Ellie’s anger flares, “He doesn’t do that anymore.” And Maria is quick to question, “He stopped killing people?”

“Innocent ones. And Tommy did it, too. Are you worried about him?” she asks to which Maria’s lips form a thin line, “Tommy was following Joel. The way you both are.” Seemingly sees Joel as a bad influence, someone who pulls people into his orbit and leaves harm in his wake. “Well, maybe, we’re smarter than Tommy. No offense.” Ellie states and you sense distrust in Maria, “You are definitely smart. Both of you. You would have made a hell of a lawyer, Ellie.” The woman says as she puts away her scissors and stands in front of you and Ellie, “There’s a whole lot you’re not telling me.” None of you answer, to which Maria nods, “Good. Therein lies the point. Be careful who you put your faith in,” she warns you and Ellie. “The only people who can betray us… are the ones we trust.” Ellie clearly resents the advice and Maria’s distrust of Joel, perhaps because she senses there’s a good reason for it and none of you want to admit it.

“You understand?” Maria asks and you both hum in acknowledgment. “Now come on.” She says as she walks to remove the towel around Ellie’s shoulders, “Grab your super fuckin’ eggplant coat.” You allow yourself to laugh at the callback and get up from your own seat, shuffling to put on your gray coat to which you hear Ellie ask, “Where are we going?” Maria smiles, “The movies.” Ellie sighs and ties her hair back, while you say, “I’m actually gonna go for a walk. Get familiar with the surroundings. You okay to go by yourself, Ellie?” The brave teen nods, “Mhm. I’ll see you back at the house.”

“Tell me what you think of the movies later, okay?” You say and she smiles and agrees, “Okay.” You tuck your hands in the pockets of your coat, yelling a thank you and goodbye to Maria as you headed outside to the cold winter of Jackson.

MAIN STREET

JACKSON, WYOMING – SUNSET

You tried your best to help around as much as you could with the stables and the children, doing some work to pass the time. The clouds collected again around sunset, bringing an earlier night, and the snow began to fall straight and slowly from a sky devoid of wind, in a gentle universal dispersion more perplexing than the morning's blasts. It appeared to be a part of the growing darkness, the cold night itself falling on you layer by layer.

The amber glow of the string lights, the burn barrels doing their best to keep parts of the area warm, the steam following the wind but the bright glow of the fire emitting from inside shine through. Most people at this hour have already decided to go to the dining hall to watch the rest of the movie, but you continued to wander around the empty main street of Jackson.

The world is an outline of shapes you used to know, hidden in plain sight. The drapes suddenly pulled back slowly, as though pulling a ribbon. You've been distracted, but you're no longer trapped in the static. Despite the fact that your hands are prone to trial and error, you cross your fingers for anything to hold. Here in the shadows of letting go, you can't help but wish for a brighter future. You spot Ellie from a distance, her figure crouched down as she eavesdrops through the door of a nearby workshop. You tilt your head and quietly walk towards her, to which she still turns her head to you, lifting her finger on her lips indicating to be quiet. You decide to follow her request and crouch next to her, hearing Tommy and Joel quietly conversing with each other.

Joel started, “It was Marlene. She hired us to smuggle her to some Fireflies. It went bad. Tess got bit. She made me swear to take the kid. It was her dyin’ wish. What the hell was I supposed to do? We made it as far as K.C., and then… You know she saved my life there… from another kid. Birdie got hurt too… Five years ago, I would’ve destroyed him. But she had to shoot him to save me. Fourteen years old. Because I was too slow and too fuckin’ deaf to hear him comin’.” You shudder at the reminder and the two of you listened as Joel broke, bit by bit, his voice started to quiver, “And Birdie had to protect Ellie 'cause I asked her to… and she didn’t even have the experience or skill that I had… I saw… I saw a man kill his own brother… to save her, while I just watched. And today I thought that dog was gonna tear both of ‘em apart because it smelled somethin’ on them.”

“And all I did was stand there. I couldn’t… move. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I just… I was so afraid.” Joel’s breathing was ragged as he spoke, his mind racing with worst-case scenarios, “You think I can handle things, but… I’m not who I was. I’m weak.” He believes he bears little resemblance to the man he once was or could become. No action hero, he admits to being far less capable of recognizing and reacting to threats than he used to be, and to sometimes being paralyzed by fear. You slowly start to feel your eyes sting again as you hear the tremble in his voice, the brokenness you’re all too familiar with, “Lately, there are these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and… my heart… feels like it’s stopped. And I have dreams. Every night.”

“What kinda dreams?” Tommy asks, and you listen to the triggered tripwire every time he breathes, the tremble in his voice gives you that he was beginning to cry, “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I just know that when I wake up… I’ve lost somethin’.” You allow your own tears to fall, covering your mouth to cover your whimpers as you listen to him admit, “I’m failin’ in my sleep. That’s all I do. It’s all I’ve ever done is fail them again and again.” Tommy states, “You want me to take them.” And Joel continues to cry as he says, “I’m just gonna get them killed. I know it. I have to leave them.” Tommy tries to call his name to calm him, “Joel.”

“I mean, it’s why you took off on me, right? To make up for the things we did?” Joel asks with a clear glaze in his eyes, he begs his younger brother, “Well, here’s your chance to bring your kid into a better world. You’re younger than me. You’re still strong. You said it yourself, you’ll come back. You have to take her. You have to give Birdie… that sweet, smark, and kind girl, a chance to live a life here. A normal life here. Please.”

You take Tommy’s silence as agreement and the tears fall from your cheeks as you try to muffle your cries. Joel breathes, “And you can’t tell anyone, not even Maria. Tommy, you’re the only one I trust. If anyone else sees those bites on her, on them both, what’s under their skin… they’ll shoot them. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you. I swear.”

“I’ll take her out at dawn.” You hear Tommy say and Joel sigh of relief. You feel Ellie tug your coat sleeve, indicating you need to leave before they realized you had heard the entire conversation.

THE RANCH, MASTER BEDROOM

JACKSON, WYOMING – NIGHT

None of you spoke as the two of you walk into the night, heading back to the temporary house that they had provided. You opened the door for Ellie and she ran straight up to her room, while you walked up the steps to the master bedroom. You quietly shut your door sitting on the edge of the king-sized bed, you sniffed and try to will yourself to stop crying. You stared blankly at the floor as you swung your feet, patiently waiting and deciding what to do next.

The options you had were limited to figuring out how to get back to your previous observable universe or facing the truth about how you felt for Joel and your fondness for Ellie as if she were your own daughter. This meant admitting that you also needed to discuss what you wanted with Joel. To wake up and wage war with this gravity that has been holding you back for almost all of your life, the epiphany of finding so much worth fighting for, and either way all the lines of dominos will fall and cascade.

You were too in your head to hear the shouting from across the hall, the argument between Joel and Ellie, a crucial turning point in the central relationship. You hear the bits and pieces of their yelling and arguing, “You have no idea what loss is,” is a pretty awful thing for him to say. And in both, she tells him that everyone she’s ever cared about has either died or left her, “Everyone—fucking except for you. So don’t tell me that I would be safer with someone else because the truth is that I would just be more scared.” Joel’s painful response, “You’re right, you’re not my daughter, and I sure as hell ain’t your dad.” You flinch at that, “Now, come dawn… we’re goin’ our separate ways.” Then you hear the loud slamming of the door of Ellie’s room, and your own frown deepens, you feel your heart race, as if you feel the climb of the track of the rollercoaster, building you up and then taking you back. It’s a while before Joel decides to go to the bedroom, he had decided to sit in the living room to remember Sarah one last time before letting her go.

You anticipate Joel’s footsteps, the thud of each step, and hear your door open. Joel finds you sitting at the edge of the bed, hunched over, your hands shaking in your lap as you try and hold yourself together. The quiet dim glow of the yellow lamp by the bedside table illuminates your features. You don’t look at him as he calls your name, you choose to look at the floor, he tries again, softer, “Birdie…” You only blink in response, the only indication that you heard him at all, you hear him step a little closer to you, “How much did you hear?” In a barely audible response, you shakily whisper, “All of it.”

Joel began, “Birdie… it’s for the best if we–” You cut him off before he could even finish, sharply turning your head at him as you stood up, “Joel I can’t… I can’t keep doing this.” He feels breathless as he registers what you said, “What?” You blink back the tears and try to look him in the eye, a little more alive as you let the scale tip and feel all of it rushing through you like a restless river stream, you feel your chest expand as you breathe and say, “If you don’t want me… if you don’t feel anything for me. Just say it and tell me now and I’ll figure out how to get back home on my own. ‘Cause I can’t keep going like this… dancing around you and pretending I don’t have feelings for you.”

You shake your head, “I’ve spent my whole life asking and searching for the impossible and none of it made any sense to me… And then I… I found you and Ellie. For the first time, I felt whole.” Your hand clenches near your chest as you utter, “Was I just delusional or imagining things? ‘Cause all of this… push and pull is hurting me. Do you even want me?” Joel steps a little closer as he says, “Yes.” And you look up at him and take one step back, “Then… why? And don’t you fucking dare make it an age-gap excuse or I will kick you in the balls Miller.”

He stumbles over his words, “I’m afraid. I’m so, so, afraid Birdie. That I could fail to protect you, Sweet Girl. The light that you give, the kindness you’ve shown, I’m scared I might taint it. Take away something so good in this world. You deserve so much more than what I could give.” Your face pinches in frustration and tears fall down your face, your cheeks warm and eyes puffy from all the sobbing, “Don’t I get a say?” And he’s quick to tell you, “Of course you do.” You scoff and angrily wipe your eyes. You pause and take a good look at the man in front of you, it's a fire and a goddamn blaze in the dark and he started it, you say from across the room, “Then let me choose you, Joel. Please, please, don’t leave me here.” He’s quiet as he takes in your words, and you continue, it’s uncomfortable but right, you say, “I don’t care about what was written about in your history. In the end, I want more than the life that I choose, and I want it to be with you.”

The silence that fills the room is one of heaviness and anticipation. The churning fear that pours out of you, and the inheritance you did not seek or ask for. You watch as Joel breathes heavily at your confession, taking his time to process what you said and felt for him. Someone who he deemed no longer worthy of receiving love. Slowly, you show him who he is and who he could be, and try to initiate the heart, bringing himself to let it open up properly. All of a sudden, you changed his mind and pulled back the curtains a little at a time.

You were on a frequency, the perfect opposite of him. Though he never needed any proof to trust the heart that beats inside of you. He can't keep his head from spinning out of control, but he will try to breathe ‘til it becomes muscle memory. He’s only steady on his knees, but maybe with you, he’ll one day stand on his own two feet. To struggle gracefully and let the scaffolding inside of him be strong enough to hold his tired body up once more.

He licks his bottom lip out of nervousness, and directly looks you in the eye, “I want you, Birdie.” You feel the rush of heat through your body, and stutter, “W-What?” His gaze darkens as he looks at you with need and desire, seemingly made up his mind to just give in, to let himself want and need you. “I said, I want you Birdie. Will you be mine?” He takes a step closer to you and you stay frozen, eventually, he’s towering over your frame, his eyes so dark you can no longer see the honey-brown eyes you were familiar with. You can’t help it. You’re drawn in by the force and pressure of the tempest building in those damnable eyes. Your heart is loud as a drumline, the thumping noise and heat in your ears as you feel the magnetic pull into his warmth, you feel his breath against your lips as you whisper, “Yes.”

That’s all it took, and with slow deliberation looks at you up and down. His inspection seems to last for hours, though it must take only seconds. The air between you crackles, and you want to move toward him, to close the gap between you. But you stay rooted to the spot, waiting for him. He lingers for a moment on your lips before finally lifting his head to meet your eyes, and his lips meet yours. You didn’t grow up, we grew in, like ivy wrapping, molding each other into perfect yins and yangs. You kissed with mouths open, breathing his exhale into your inhale. You could have survived underwater or outer space, breathing only the breath you traded.

You felt his warm rough large hands bring one hand to your waist and the other to cup the side of your cheek as he kissed you. You felt the tickle of his facial hair on your cheek, and each breath and groan vibrated throughout your body. You wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers rhythmically through his salt-and-pepper hair. Happily sighing breathlessly as he continues to kiss you dizzy. Like a whiskey, you can feel it he hits so strong but tastes so sweet.

The rush and thrill consumed you, the slick wetness between your thighs and his hands moving to cup and grab at your ass causing you to gasp in pleasure, to which Joel decides to pull your bodies closer ‘til no space lies in between. His presence was too powerful, his scent too all-consuming. It crowded your lungs, filling them with clean earthiness and rich spices. When you were around him, it was easy to lose myself, no matter how upset you were.

When he carefully dropped himself to the ground, the movement was both proud and obedient. His breath brushed over your skin. “Do you want this?” His fingers ran down the back of your leg, leaving a path of heat in their wake. Your thoughts were jumbled, but you had enough sense to realize this wasn't about sex. It was all about being vulnerable. It was a landmark event disguised as insignificant and distilled into one phrase. “Yes.” That was both demand and submission, a groan and a gasp. Joel exhaled. He carried you to the plush bed in the center of the room, appreciating everything you could give him. Clothes were quickly removed, and he stripped you down to your barest form while he kept his boxers on, an evident hard-on showing but choosing to take care of you first.

His palms burned as they parted your thighs. He’d barely touched you, and you were already on fire. You tipped your head back, drowning in arousal, heat, and lust and the reverence of his touch as he kissed his way up your thigh. His stubble rasped against your skin and sent tiny shocks of pleasure down your spine. As he separated your thighs, his palms seared. He hadn't even touched you yet, but you were still immediately burning. As he nibbled his way up your thigh, you threw your head back, reveling in pleasure, heat, lust, and the devotion of his touch.

“I'm sorry I offended you…” A gentle kiss at the fine line where your thigh meets your leg and persistent heat. “For attempting to drive you away…” Your underwear was removed and tossed to the side as he softly stroked your clit with his tongue. When he dragged your clit into his lips and sucked, his abrasive words mingled with your scream. Your body arched away from the bed. He began to worship you with his lips, hands, and tongue as your hands dug into his hair and you could barely hang on. Joel was rigid but beckoning. Delicate but sinful. You felt a new rush of pure sensation with every movement. Your chest and the base of your spine are both under pressure at the same time. You were soaring high solely on passion and desire, out of breath. He backed away and lightly touched your delicate clit with his teeth. He inserted two fingers into you and plunged and curled them as you wilted carelessly.

Your body was familiar to him. Knew precisely what you wanted, how to operate it like a well-tuned guitar, and even what buttons to press and where to press them. He stroked your G-spot while simultaneously pressing his thumb into your clit. When Joel stood up, his chest heaving, the strain was dizzying as your orgasms ripped through you and your moans were still echoing in the air. He gently kissed your lips as he leaned forward on top of you, bracing his hands on each side of your head.

When you kissed him and cherished the flavor of the kiss, leisurely threads of need twisted inside you. Like desperation flavored with desire and soothed with compassion, robust and rich. You explored and licked the inside of his mouth as you panted. He moaned in hunger and want, “Birdie…” Your hands roamed, your hearts pounding in sync and your kisses growing in intensity until the heat became too much to bear.

He took off his boxers and you flipped both of you over with the help of gravity, and you gradually sank into him, taking him in, inch by inch until he was buried deep inside of you. Hitting deeper, and tasting sweeter. You rocked against Joel as his hands held onto your hips. A delightful pressure swelled inside of you, rising higher and higher until your head was distorted with lust. Sweat misted your skin. Moans filled the air. He was certainly straining to hold back, but he made no move to take control as you both experienced toe-curling orgasms at the same time. When Joel brought you down for a kiss, the second, smaller climax that the overpowering intimacy of the moment had triggered was still reverberating through you.

Your eyes are half-lidded as you pull away from the kiss and look at Joel, who’s heavily panting, breathless, and in awe of you. Joel flips you both over, and your back hits the mattress. He kisses you again, still, inside of you, you are still sensitive from your previous orgasm and cry out, “I can’t…” He pants and groans, “Yes you can sweet girl. You can do it. One more for me Birdie.” He’s hitting deeper and quicker as you try to squirm away from him but all he does is pin you down, grabbing your hands to lock them above your head, causing you to scream and cry out in pleasure. “You’re doing so well. You’re such a good girl.” He praises, and everything feels and sounds amplified, every thrust his hips make, the sounds of slick wet skin slapping together, each grunt and moan mixing and blending between you both finally brings you and him over the edge. He pulls out and paints your stomach while you clench and moan throughout your release.

He folds over atop you, his weight is a welcoming feeling, like a large protective blanket. You’re running your fingers through his hair as he continues to catch his breath and you hum happily, “You good cowboy or do you need a wheelchair?” He grunts, “Haven’t done that in a while. Cut the man some slack.” You laugh loudly and kiss the side of his forehead and he sighs with contentment. After a while, he rolls off of you, pulling you closer to his side, peppering your neck and cheek with kisses, “I’m goin’ to get a clean towel to clean us up.” You nod as he gets up, walks over to the bathroom, comes back with a clean rag, and wipes off the slick between your thighs and stomach.

He sets the cloth aside and climbs back in bed with you, tossing the blanket over both of your bodies, gripping your hips, and pulling you close. You kiss him again, just because you can and both of you are smiling widely at each other. You take a deep breath and close your eyes as you place your forehead on top of his, and Joel grumbles, “I should have pulled out earlier.” To which you yawn, “I have an IUD, it’ll expire in ten years.” Joel’s mouth opens, “You have a… oh right.” You laugh, “Yep. So I can keep riding you, my cowboy.” He smacks your ass and kisses you again as you yelp in surprise, “Keep talkin’ like that and we’re not gonna get any sleep tonight.” You roll your eyes in response but smile up at him.

The quiet between you two is comforting and allows you to rest your eyes, no awkwardness, just a blistering moment of peace. The night sky once ruled your imagination and you used to turn the dials with careful calculation. After a while, you thought you'd never find him and convinced yourself that you would never find him.

Then suddenly, he saw you through telescopes and calculations, the far was pulled so near. You opened your eyes to find yourself under his warm gaze, trying to memorize every feature as if you were constellations in the night sky. But the looming threat that hangs over you makes an appearance in the dark corner of the back of your mind, you whisper, “Joel.” He hums in acknowledgment and you continue, “You should give Ellie a choice. She also has every right to choose too.” He’s quiet for a moment before he sighs agreeing, “Yeah… Been thinking about it a while ago before you jumped my bones.” You smack his shoulder, “I did not!” To which he kisses you breathlessly, “I’ll give her the choice tomorrow.” You nod and cup the side of his face and he says to you so quietly, “We have a long way to go.” To which your eyes softened and kissed the tip of his nose, “Yes, but look how far we’ve come.”

THE RANCH, MASTER BEDROOM

JACKSON, WYOMING – EARLY MORNING

In the morning you don’t say it as both of you wake up to your bodies closely tangled with each other. His heavy arms are wrapped around your waist and his legs are inserted with yours as he kisses the back of your neck. Continuing to worship your entire being. You both had woken up early, sharing the water in the shower, to which you had both agreed you needed to save water, but it was just an excuse to keep touching each other.

By the time you both got out of the hot shower, you both got dressed and made your way to the stables. The chirping of birds brings you to smile at yourself as you brush your horse, preparing to leave. “You came here to say goodbye or something?” Ellie asks the both of you, causing you to look away from the task and tilt your head and smirk as Joel replies, “No. We came here to steal the horses and go.” To which Tommy says, “I woulda given you them.” And Joel replies with, “I know,” He sniffs and walks to Ellie before continuing, “Anyway… that was thirty minutes ago, and I guess… you deserve a choice. I still think you’d be better off with Tommy…” It’s no surprise that Ellie shoves her bag at Joel, “Let’s go.” He blinks and you laugh as he answers, “Okay.”

Both of you exit the stables with your horses, Joel helps Ellie mount his horse and you mount your own horse. “General direction?” Joel asks his brother, “Head southeast til you hit I-25. It’s right off the interstate. Shouldn’t be hard to miss.” He nods at Tommy before they both pull each other into a hug. They pull away and Tommy says, “There’s a place for you here… All three of you.” Joel gruffly says, “Countin’ on it.” And he spots Tommy’s rifle swung across his shoulder, “Can I borrow that?” Tommy nods, “Yeah.” But Joel continues to talk, “‘Cause Maria took mine.” Tommy throws him a look, “I already said yes, Joel. Adios, big brother.”

The large wooden gate’s latch is lifted open as your two horses trot through the snow. Exiting the safe, gated, community of Jackson. Your journey continues through the wilderness of Wyoming. The cold chilly air creates goosebumps at the back of your neck as you ride your horse past the tall emerald-green trees.

After a couple of hours of riding, Joel decides to teach Ellie how to shoot with the rifle. The sound of loud gunshots rings out as Ellie misses the main target. She sighs and Joel comments, “Wide right. You’re flinchin’.” You stand behind the two, enjoying the view of Joel and Ellie having some time together. Ellie shakes her head at him, denying, “The target’s too small.” Joel harrumphs at her, “I made it bigger than I should’ve. Eject the cartridge.” She does as she is told, and said, “I am not flinching.” Joel hums, “Mm-mhm.” Ellie doesn’t let up, “The rifle just sucks.”

“Okay, give it,” Joel said and Ellie gives it to him and whines, “It doesn’t aim right.” Joel only hums again, “Mm-hmm.” And Ellie frowns as she lifts her binoculars, “You’ll see.” They swap places and Joel grunts as he adjusts the rifle, “A deep breath in, slow breath out.” The girl sighs and Joel glances behind him to look at you, “You squeeze the trigger like you love it.” Your face warms at the memory of what happened last night and what he could be insinuating. You try to hide your smile, he winks at you and then looks to the scope, his voice getting deeper, “Gentle… steady… nice and slow.” Ellie drops her binoculars and groans, “You gonna shoot this thing or get Birdie pregnant? ‘Cause holy shit you guys were loud.” You choke on air at the same time Joel looks at Ellie shamelessly before looking back at the scope with his finger on the trigger. Ellie shakes her head, continuing to be in denial, “It isn’t gonna work. It doesn’t aim right.” A gunshot rings out, and it's a perfect headshot. “You dick.” Ellie says while Joel just smirks smugly and turns to look at you, “Birdie would know.” You throw your head and hands up in exasperation, “I fuckin’ can’t with you two.”

Wind bustled through the branches of the trees, making the leaves howl in their symphony. The horses trot through the snow, as the three of you make your way to the University of Eastern Colorado. The silence is no longer present, only filled by Ellie’s questions and Joel's answers. You occasionally input your own thoughts and ideas, correcting Joel when needed, but otherwise, you let yourself watch them form a connection that Joel was so afraid of.

“So the way they ran stuff in Jackson, was how things used to be?” Ellie asked, and Joel replies, “No. The country was too big for that. Back then, there were basically two main ways of lookin’ at things. Some people wanted to own everything. And some people didn’t want anyone to own anything at all.” Ellie hums, “Which one were you?” And you hear Joel reply, “Neither. I just did my job.” To which you chuckled, knowing that Joel has always tried to stay neutral in anything, it’s more efficient that way.

“Which was… building?” Ellie asks, and Joel confirms her guess, “That’s right. Houses, stores, that kinda thing. We were called ‘contractors’.” The teen mocks his voice, trying to deepen it, “The contractor. That’s pretty cool.” Joel smiles, his lips quirking a bit to the right, “Yeah. We were cool. Everybody loved contractors.” You rolled your eyes at Joel, letting him off the hook and not wanting to correct him at all.

The days go by and you three have been closer than ever. Joel and Ellie discuss the basics and rules of football while you hum to yourself the new song stuck in your head. Enjoying the sight of Joel and Ellie laughing and smiling over mundane topics, feeling your heart more full than ever before. A part of you that had been missing so long, a family you didn’t even know existed, a family you now found.

Further down the road, you pass by the sign indicating to take the I-25. “Well, how ‘bout that? Made it in five days.” Ellie adds, “Easy days. I don’t know what Tommy was so afraid of.” Joel’s mouth curls downwards, “Still time to find out.” To which Ellie mimics his baritone voice, “Still time to find out,” she then creepily whispers, “The Contractorrrr.”

The horses snort and huff as its hooves clop and trot on the pavement of the road. You make your way to the entrance of the deserted university, Ellie says aloud, “Home of the Big Horns. What does that mean?” And you answer, “It was their team mascot. It’s a kind of sheep.” Ellie smiles up at Joel, “Oh, see? One step closer to your dream. Don’t see any Fireflies, though.” He forms a hypothesis, “They’re probably in the middle. Safer.” He nods and leads, “This way.”

Joel has his rifle ready with one hand on the reins. The campus is eerily empty and quiet as your horses trot on the grounds. “So these places… people would live here and, like, what? Got to classes and stuff?” And you nod, “Yup. Sometimes even do research, like me.” She points out, “Even though they were adults.” Yours and Joel’s voices blended together as he answered, “Sort of adults.” While you said, “They were fake adulting.”

“I think it was just as much about partying and findin’ themselves as anythin’ else. Figuring what they wanted to do with their lives.” Joel plainly puts, and Ellie chuckles, “What they wanted to do with their lives.” To your happy surprise, your ears perk up when Joel says, “So I’ve been thinkin’.” You and Ellie urge him to continue, “I don’t want a sheep ranch, actually. I mean, if the deal is I can do anything?” And Ellie nods, “That’s the deal.” He faces the road ahead with a gaze so soft you barely recognized him, “Well… when I was a kid, I wanted to be a singer.” Ellie laughs while you smile widely at him, teeth showing and cheeks pinched upwards, the kid says, “Shut up.” While you say, “Come on Cowboy, let’s hear it. Serenade me.”

“No, you’re both already laughin’.” He grumpily replies, his eyebrows knitted together, and both you and Ellie protest, “Well, you’re singing for me later. I’m gonna save the fuckin’ world, man. It’s the least you could do for me.” Joel relents, “Fair enough. Birdie, what about you? Have you changed your dream yet?”

You smiled at the two people you’d gotten close with over the past few months, the unlikely bond you now were a part of, “I have everything I need right here, what else would I need to dream about?” you said. The two of them looked at you, wide-eyed and breathless at your statement. How funny it is to think, we only notice light when darkness crashes against it. The melody you carry is the strength while they come undone and the aftermath that makes them new.

Content with your answer, you trot forward with your horse and you three stumble upon a troop of monkeys that presumably escaped from a lab, Ellie exclaims excitedly, “Are those monkeys?” The troop proceeds to run away as Joel says, “Must be from the old labs.” The young girl laughs, “Look at them go.” Joel glances at her and asks, “First time seein’ a monkey?” Ellie parrots as a reply, “First time seein’ a monkey.”

“Lookit.” Joel points out to spot a Firefly symbol, “Here we go.” Ellie says, and your head in the direction of the research lab. As you arrive at what looks to be the entrance to the lab, “Guard stations.” Ellie states and Joel hums, “Mhm. No guards.” Ellie is unnerved and wary, she asks to take out her gun, and Joel allows it.

You dismount your horse and tie it to the tree, Joel and Ellie do the same. You arm yourselves as you walk inside the lab. The sound of your footsteps echoes in the deserted building, you look to the ground to see documents and masks littering the concrete floor. “There were definitely doctors here,” Ellie says looking at the test tubes and you spot a brown file on top of the metal trolly. You lift the cover of the folder, peeking at the papers, your eyes skimming over the words while lifting up the yellow sheet of paper, “This is a packing list. They moved out of here.” Ellie’s eyebrows furrow, “They just left?”

And on cue you hear the sound of metal clanging from upstairs, your heads whip up in the direction of the noise, and Ellie remarks, “Maybe not all of them.” Joel takes the lead as you make your way up the stairs, hearing the clanging sound getting louder. Joel finds the specific door to where the noises were coming from, and he readies his pistol, slowly pushing the door open, slightly creaking as it does, to be followed by a high-pitched screech.

Two monkeys hop out of the room through the window, screeching at you for disturbing them. You all lower your weapons and survey the area. You snort at the fact it was so anti-climactic for nothing, Joel utters, “Well… at least it ain’t Clickers.” And Ellie mumbles, “Yeah, no Fireflies either. Maybe in all that research, they turned into fuckin’ monkeys.” You and Joel sense her disappointment, her need for reformation, and ways she could be better in her mind.

You look through the medical equipment and research notes, trying to look for clues to where the group of researchers transferred. Joel approaches the large wooden corkboard, a map of the United States is on display along with notes pasted on the side. You and Ellie walk up next to Joel to analyze the pins pushed in the lines that trace along the roads leading to the center. “That’s where they went?” Ellie said, pointing out St. Mary's Hospital, located in Salt Lake City, Utah. Joel nods, “All the pins lead there. Maybe gettin’ ahead of the weather… better facilities? I don’t know.” The joy in you vanishes against your will. The light goes out and your heart goes still, and just like that, you believe in ghosts.

But then, the trio hears voices. Looking out the window, Joel sees four men armed with weapons, they were raiders. You were weighed down by dread, the flutter of fear in your stomach causes your palms to sweat and tremble. You needed to get out of here and fast. Joel quietly tells you both, “Out the back.” You run down the steps and find the back door, your guns are drawn as you stealthily make it back to your horses, staying ever vigilant. You’re a few steps away from your horses, Joel turns to you both asking in a hushed tone, “Ready?” And you both nod, “Yeah.”

You run to your own horse while Ellie and Joel untie theirs. Something caught your eye in your peripheral vision, a blur of a shadow, and you turn to see a man carrying a baseball bat, lifting it while running at Joel. Ellie screams his name out while you ran towards the attacker, the baseball bat breaks as he tries to hit you but instead strikes a tree. You didn’t think, you just acted, protecting the two people who kept you safe for the majority of your journey. Shoving him with as much force as you could, the raider hits the tree, and Joel comes to your aid, grabbing the raider to break the man’s neck.

You didn’t even realize it until Joel had turned around, in the struggle, the sharp wooden hilt of the bat is stuck inside his abdomen, blood seeping out through the jacket. Ellie’s eyes grow wide in horror and Joel looks down, and grunts as he pulls out the sharp hilt of the bat, you scream, “No, don’t!” But you were too late, and Ellie yells your name, “Birdie you’re also bleeding!” You look down at your own abdomen to find a large slash across it, the maroon blood dripping on the freshly fallen snow, you direct Ellie, “Get Joel on the horse now. We need to leave before…” You hear yelling from a distance and you aim and shoot at the raiders with one hand as the other clutches your stomach while Ellie helps Joel up and back onto the horse.

You use all the strength that you have and pull yourself up to your horse, following Ellie as she shoots them back with you, she yells, “Get back!” And you three were in time to get away from all the other raiders coming. After a few minutes, you three have managed to make it to a safe distance from the attackers, “They’re not following us, I think we’re safe.” Joel doesn’t reply, and Ellie voices her concern as her voice rises as she says yours and Joel’s name.

He’s the first one to collapse from his horse, and you go toppling down as well. You feel the plush landing of the pile of snow, Ellie immediately comes both to your sides, and she says in distress, “Fuck! Shit, no, no no.” The cold weather mixed with the blood loss you were both dealing with were not the best conditions for either of you. “Joel, Birdie, open your eyes come on.” You bring your tired eyes to the girls and cough out to Ellie, “Place pressure on his abdomen and drag him using his sleeping bag, the rope, and the horse Leave me here and find someplace warm.” Ellie can feel her eyes sting and her vision goes blurry, it feels like bittersweet poetry. You softly grab your hand, “Listen to me. Ellie.” She tries to shake her head but you gritted your teeth, the adrenaline had begun to fade and you were beginning to feel the sharp pain across your stomach, you grunt and squeeze her soft small hands, “Ellie, remember what I asked you to promise? Go. Please, save him.”

It had been a campfire night out in the woods at the university and Joel had fallen asleep again during watch. You had both been talking about mundane things, to your hobbies and what you missed about home, to ask about what her life was like in FEDRA school, at one point you realized that there would be a difficult decision to make and that you needed to prepare her just in case it might occur. You didn’t memorize everything from the game, but you knew damn well there would be a possibility that you and Joel might get injured and Ellie would have to choose.

You grab her hand, abruptly stopping her from her previous sentence, and look her in the eye, “Ellie. There will be a time when you have to choose between me and Joel. In the event we both get badly injured, you need to save Joel, no questions asked.” The teen tries to protest but you silence her, leaving no room for argument, “Joel will protect you better than I ever could, we both know that. You need him more than me, I’ve been alone for almost all of my life… this is nothing new, but you… you are something so special. You must choose Joel for your sake, do you understand?” Ellie’s lips form a thin line, and stubbornly she shakes her head, “No. I’ll save you both. Just you watch.” Your eyes soften at her naiveness and hope, “You can’t save everyone, Ellie. So, I know it’s unfair to ask you this, but I need you to promise me to save him when it comes down to it.” Her eyes begin to water as she reluctantly tells you, “Okay.”

In a voice so broken and vulnerable, you hear Ellie whisper into the cold air as she puts pressure on Joel’s wound and looks at both of you, “I can’t fuckin’ do this without you. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going, what the fuck I’m gonna do. Joel, Birdie.” You give her a small smile, “Ellie, sometimes, just getting up and carrying on is brave and magnificent. Keep going, Ellie.” She sniffs and she lets tears slip down her cheeks, you keep smiling as you use the rest of your strength to lift your hand to cup her cheek, wiping away the tears, “It’s okay. It’s okay, Ellie. This was where I was meant to be. Thank you, Ellie, remember that you are loved.”

You feel your vision begins to fade and drop your hand from Ellie’s cheek, letting your head rest on the plush snow, no longer looking at the teen, you tearily look up to feel the snowflakes gently fall on your face. You distantly hear Ellie drag Joel and tie him up on the sleeping bag as a makeshift sled. Your eyelids begin to feel heavy and start to droop, you turn your head to see Joel struggling to open his eyes, seeing your freezing, bleeding-out body staining the white cold snow. Joel cries out your name, pleading, “Birdie. Wait. No. Please…”

You look up at the bright gray sky, blinking and slowly beginning to only hear muffled sounds. Your horse decides to rest next to you, knowing what was about to happen, cuddling your bleeding-out body, and staying with you til the end. You decide that this was the best way to go, protecting and shielding the people you loved as much as you could. So you hum carols softly, as sweet as you know, a prayer that our burdens will lift as you go.

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

END NOTES:

AGAIN MY BAD FOR THE HUGGGEEE DELAY – I 1000% blame the jet lag since I just flew out to somewhere on the East Coast! Sorry, ya’ll! T^T (Also the fuckin 5 hours of sleep, I am running on fumes rn)

YAY YOU KISSED AND SLEPT TOGETHER WOW GOOD JOB

UR OFFICIALLY HIS GIRL *confetti*

Holy fucking shit that was sO HARD TO WRITE

OKAY NOT BECAUSE I WAS UNCOMFY WRITING IT CHILL– its um, cuz, miss gorl here has never been properly kissed or um had a boyfriend lol so take a freaking guess to why

So writing a romance scene reALLY REALLY TESTED MY KNOWLEDGE, PATIENCE, AND HECKING ALL THE ROMANCE BOOKS I’VE READ PLEASE I WAS CLAWING MY WAY THROUGH THE ENTIRE TIME

I hope it wasn’t too awful or unrealistic :,))

HORRAY FOR FINALLY FACING YOUR FEAR AND VOICING OUT UR NEEDS AND WANTS GOOD JOB HERE HAVE A COOKIE

FUCK JOEL GOT STABBED MF

YOU ALSO GOT INJURED?? AGAIN?? WTF IS WRONG WITH U *bonk* ARE U DEAD OH NO? WTH!?!?1

ALSO MF PEDRO PASCAL IF I EVER MEET YOU I MIGHT HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN FRONT OF YOU AFTER YOU DESCRIBED PTSD SO WELL WTF– ahem, I have PTSD and I’ve never seen me represented properly in any television series or movies. It’s always (usually) war veterans yk (CALM DOWN— CHILL PRETTY VALID AND PRETTY DAMN FUCKIN TRAUMATIC) But as someone who has PTSD and yk hasn’t been to a literal war it’s a bit harder to connect or relate to it (im not fucking whining, I’m just telling you my experience with PTSD) But the way Pedro showed it— fuck man. It was like staring at a mirror. My own brokeness represented in one episode. I felt so seen for the first time.

BUT THIS ONE, MF PEDRO U DESERVE ALL THE AWARDS

yay for Maria and Tommy! Such cuties congrats on the baby!!

someone should probably help me find a boyfriend— idk i Need research for smut :DD (this is a joke please don’t)

This chapter was wAYYYU more personal and intimate to write about. I just needed to do this right for my sake and others.

Sorry for the delay! The smut part was a little bit intimidating to write since yk I have zero experience with it LMAO

Thank you for sticking with me and I look forward to all of your comments and feedback! It gives me an idea if im doing this right and opportunity to connect with all of you! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOSOS MUCH AND OFF TO EP 7 I GO AHHHHH

Grace

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be-with-me-so-happily · 2 years ago

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There At The Box

ONE SHOT

|| Prev - The Grammys ||

Summary: After reuniting at the Grammys, it is now time for the Brit awards, where Harry has been nominated for four. He has invited YN to join him, and she will do whatever it takes to be there for him, as long as she can make it.

A/N: Finally got this out, over a week later. But it's here. Legitimately didn't think there'd be a part 2, but how could I not when our boy won 4 for 4 Brits?!?!

Warnings: Some explicit language, airport troubles, alcohol consumption

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"I'm sorry Ms. YLN, but we had to delay the flight."

You pinch the bridge of your nose, doing your best to take deep breaths and not completely lose it on this innocent attendant.

"How long will it take?"

"I'm…not entirely sure. It could potentially take a couple of hours…"

"This isn't happening." You mumble, throwing your face down into your palms as you sit there, helpless, in your seat on the airplane. "Diana, Peter, can you do anything? Please tell me you can do something."

Your manager and assistant give each other worried looks and it makes your heart sink.

Unfortunately, you had a prior commitment earlier in the day in Edinburgh, but told him that you would fly out as soon as it was done. You planned to have your outfit, plus hair and makeup teams, there on board with you and head straight to the venue from the airport. Everything seemed to be scheduled out nicely and going accordingly. Until now, that is. Because the jet you had managed to rent seems to be having some sort of mechanical issue, and is keeping you from being exactly where you want to be. Right by Harry.

You just got back with Harry, practically six days ago. He somehow, through the magic that comes from him being Harry Styles, managed to get you a seat at his table for The Brits. You were so honored, and happy, and excited that he wanted you there with him, and there's nowhere else you'd rather be.

"We're working on it, YN."

"There's just not much-" Peter gets interrupted by a swift elbow to his side by Diana.

"We're working on it."

You're never a diva, at least you try your hardest not to be, but this is the one moment you wish you had the capacity to demand that everything gets fixed and figured out so that you can get what you want.

"I know you're trying." You sigh. "Just… let me down easy once you know for sure."

You stand as best you can on the airplane, while your stylist zips up your dress and your makeup artist applies things to your face during commercial breaks.

Everyone around you is already buzzing over Harry's first win of the night, for Best Pop Act, when Peter begins to hush them down and turn up the volume on the television. It's the second award Harry's nominated for, and you're already on the edge of your nerves.

"So the Brit Awards goes to…" Lucien Laviscourt begins, asking his co-star for a drumroll as he opens the envelope. "The man that just does not stop. Harry Styles."

The camera shows Harry's head drop and a wide grin immediately appear on his face. He yells a little 'lets go' as he stands up and makes his way to the stage. You can tell his emotions are already building as he looks down at his second award.

"Umm, thank you again. Umm… I wanna start by, umm, I wanna thank my family for being the most supportive, understanding, patient, loving, umm, family that I could've ever asked for."

He goes on to thank his mum, and the crowd goes wild when he mentions the other members of One Direction. As if you weren't already gutted to be missing out, that part pains you. To be there in that moment would be absolutely thrilling, and if it were not now safely carrying you and your team to the destination you so desperately want to be at, you'd be cursing the plane for making you late.

"I'm really, really grateful for this and I'm very aware of my privilege up here tonight, so this award is for Rina, Charley, Florence, Mabel, and Becky. Thank you so much."

Your eyes water as he mentions his 'privilege' and honors the women who were looked over for nominations in that category. If ever there were to be someone, other than one of them, to win, of course it should be him. He is such an ally, and supporter, and even though you don't feel as if he should apologize for winning, your heart is so warmed at how humble he is. How willing he is to give the spotlight to someone else.

The group cheers on for the next few awards, and you join in when Wet Leg wins their second. Shouts ring out when Harry wins this third Brit award for Song of the Year.

With each win, or even glimpse you get of Harry, your heart is torn further into two. You're so proud of him, and happy for him, but you are also simultaneously filling up with guilt that you can't be alongside him, or even just in the room, to support him. You know he won't be mad. You know it's not your fault, and he will understand. But you can't stop it.

The entire cabin of people laugh as Harry walks off stage to kiss Lewis Capaldi, and as the jet finally pulls into the hanger. But you can't help the sadness it's causing alongside the joy.

Finally in the car, and on your way from the airport, you huddle between Diana and Peter as Stanley Tucci presents the nominees for Album of the Year.

"And the winner is…" Stanley opens the envelope and takes a big breath, you holding your own as your hand squeezes the phone. "Harry Styles. Harry's House."

The three of you scream out, watching from behind the screen, as Harry heads back to the stage, for his fourth and final time.

Tears begin to form and Peter quickly hands you a tissue to not ruin the hard work your team put into your makeup look.

You watch on, as he hugs and laughs with Stanley, expressing how much he loves him as soon as he lifts the microphone. All the emotions, and probably a small amount of alcohol, fueling his bright smile.

"This, uh… this night has been really, really special to me and I will never forget it. Thank you so much for the welcome home, I appreciate it so much. There is no place like home. Thank you, thank you, thank you." He takes a breath for a moment as he looks down to the crowd of fans and peers, causing you to feel that even though his mind is most surely swirling around, that this moment is really sinking in. But what's sinking in more and more for you is the fact that you aren't there. "I’m so, so proud to be a British artist out there in the world. I’m so proud to be here tonight celebrating British artists and British music. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m gonna hand it over to Tom and Tyler. Thank you so much for this, I’m so grateful. Thank you.”

You hand the phone to Diana, watery eyes and a smile displayed on your face. You missed it. In person, at least. But, as pained as it makes you, you are still going to show up for him. And you are going to celebrate with him the rest of the night.

"Well, to the after party it is."

You make a mental note to give your styling teams extra long vacations soon, because their magic has enabled your hair to stay in place and the usual stress-induced sweat to stay at bay.

You do what you can to catch your breath as you prepare to step out from the back seat of the car, and head into The Box.

A deep breath, followed by another, and as soon as the door swings open you are bombarded with bright flashes of light.

Your security guard guides you inside and it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, and your ears to adjust to all the new noise.

Instantly, and almost instinctively, your attention is drawn to that beautiful, loud laugh that you know so well, and you barely make out the figure of a very happy Harry Styles, beaming from the events of the night. All the sadness, guilt, and pain melt seeing him so joyful, and is replaced with pride. Pride, and the desperate need to be by him now.

You push your way through the crowd, and as you find yourself a few feet from Harry, who has yet to see you, your body is halted as Lizzo stands in front of you.

"Hey honey!" She exclaims, exuberantly. You attempt to glance past her for a moment, and when you look back you find her expression has quickly changed. "I thought you were gonna be at the award ceremony, what happened?"

"Don't even get me started…" You begin to scowl at how things unfolded earlier, but quickly wave it off, not wanting to slip back into that negativity. Especially since you're there now.

"Damn. Well, I missed you!" She states, wrapping her arms around you. Another glimpse of Harry sets your heart fluttering as you pull away from your friend's embrace. "Harry really missed you."

"I'm here now." You reply.

"YN… he's a little drunk…"

You let out a loud laugh, finding humor in the fact that it doesn't come as a shock to you.

"I figured as much."

"Yeah but, like… he was really bummed you weren't there." She replies, as solemnly as possible in such a loud, vibrant atmosphere. "And he had a few to drink…"

"Okay…"

You glance past her again and this time meet Harry's gaze. You give Lizzo a quick smile and maneuver around her, rushing up to him and wrapping your arms around his neck, placing a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Hey there superstar! I'm so proud of you!" You exclaim, pulling back to meet his gorgeous, yet glazed over, green eyes.

"You didn't come." He states, a frown appearing between his brows.

Your eyes grow wide and your heart stops. That was not even close to a reaction you thought he would have. You smile though, hoping to ease the tension that you feel coming on.

"I'm sorry. The-"

"You didn't come!" He repeats suddenly, the furrow between his eyes becoming even more intense, causing a tightening in your chest.

"Harry… I was trying…"

"You coulda told me you weren't coming."

"I was trying! I texted you, Gemma, and Jeff!" You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest.

"I was a little busy…"

"I know, Harry." You reply through gritted teeth. You understand that alcohol is playing a role here, but his attitude is still not warranted. But this must be what Lizzo was trying to tell you. Or potentially warn you about.

Harry shakes his head and looks to the ground, the frown almost permanent on his face.

"This was supposed to be an amazing night." He sighs, swirling around the contents in the glass he has in his hand.

"What the hell? You just won four Brit awards! How is this not an amazing night?"

"You should've been there." He scowls, causing your jaw to clench and your entire body to tense.

"This isn't fair."

"No. It's not." He runs his free hand through his hair, annoying you in the way that it still manages to fall back into place perfectly. Especially at this moment.

"I think… I think you should walk away." You utter, your heart hurting and your eyes beginning to water.

"Fine." He quickly replies, turning around as fast as the words left his mouth, and walking in the complete opposite direction of where you stand.

You could fall over right there, feeling as if you were just punched in the gut. This is not how that moment was supposed to go. Or this night. It was not even a consideration that he would be upset. You thought he would understand, but he didn't even let you explain.

So, not only were you not able to be there to cheer him on when he won, but now you aren't even able to celebrate with him at the party. A sinking feeling enters your mind. One that causes your feet to instantly head in the direction of the exit.

The worry you had, before the breakup, comes creeping back in. What if he thinks this is too difficult to do with you?

Your plan for escape was foiled before you even made it to the front door. Rhian and Hester from Wet Leg managed to grab your attention, by grabbing your arm, and pulled you into their conversation with the rest of the band.

It's not that you really minded talking with them, especially since you wanted to extend your congratulations anyway, but your mind keeps wandering back to your conversation with Harry. The interaction has left you in a less than ideal mood for celebrations.

Your eyes wander around the room, and land on the man you always seem to want to find in a crowd. Your breath hitches when you see he is looking right back at you. The expression on his face is no longer of anger, or frustration, or whatever he was feeling that left you two needing some space. Now, his features have softened, but still don't display any positivity.

Rhian's laugh catches your attention again, and you turn back to focus on the conversation unfolding in front of you. At least the people close by are happy you're there.

You suddenly feel a presence appear next to you and turn to the side to see Harry's saddened expression meet yours.

"Hello friends! Congratulations again." He states, removing his arm and embracing each of them for a moment.

"Thank you Harry! For everything!" Rhian giggles, turning to Hester as they gush over how unbelievable their wins were. You remember that feeling. It really doesn't change, even when you win another award, and you love seeing how happy they are. They deserve a fun night. Truthfully, so does Harry. So you decide to return to your previous plan of getting out of there.

"I think I'm going to call it a night everyone." You state, keeping your gaze on the girls, but noticing Harry's shoot right over to you.

You give them all a hug, shooting a polite smile to the man next to you, and turn to head to the exit.

You feel an arm snake around your waist and squeeze your side, which makes you slow your speed dramatically.

"Can I have a moment with you…" Harry whispers, his lips close enough to your ear that you feel his breath on your neck and it makes you shudder. "Before you go? Please?"

You manage a nod and let him guide you to a corner that seems to be a lot less crowded, and a tiny bit more quiet.

He stands in front of you, leaning against the wall beside him, and drops his head.

"YN, I'm…" He sighs, rubbing one hand against the back of his neck. His eyes flicker up to yours, and you determine that the expression you saw earlier was one of sadness. "I'm… I'm really, really sorry."

Surprise fills you, because so does frustration.

"Harry, I don't think you know how much I wanted to be there for you tonight! My damn flight got delayed and we tried everything to get here on time!" You exclaim, your breathing labored due to your quick response.

"I know. Peter just told me." He replies quietly, dropping his head again to look down at the floor.

"But you should've listened to me. I thought we were going to talk about things when they bothered us, but you wouldn't even hear my simple explanation for why I wasn't there tonight! How is this even going to work between us if this happens not even a week after we get back together?" You blurt out.

Harry immediately straightens up and your chest tightens. You didn't mean to let that all out. Not there at least. But, you promised to communicate with him and if he isn't going to, then you will. Although, you never truly meant to question the reunion of your relationship.

"Fuck, YN, I'm so fucking sorry." He answers, a shakiness and hint of worry in his voice. "It was a crazy night. I was so grateful when I won, and genuinely happy that I did, but each time I got sad that you weren't there. And… maybe I got a little worried."

"About what?"

"That… it's so fucking stupid… that you changed your mind about coming because… maybe you changed your mind about me."

He pulls his lips inward and closes his eyes, giving you a moment to cover your mouth in an attempt to hide the unintentional laugh that threatens to come out. You don't mean to, but you find it funny that after your little confession at the Grammys, he would question whether you still want to be with him. And that you had the same worry about him.

"Harry…" Your palms cup his cheeks, holding his face in front of yours, waiting for him to open his eyes. "Hey…"

He pries them open slowly, and you can feel his body relax under your touch.

"There was, and is, nowhere else I'd rather be than by your side, cheering you on." You smile, swiftly being matched by his delicious, dimpled grin.

"I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have… reacted that way. And I should've listened. I'm an idiot. I just missed you. So much." He states, moving his hands to grab your waist and drawing you closer to him. "So, so much."

"I missed you too." You bite your lower lip. "But we have got to be better about talking to each other."

"I know. I will. We will." He sighs with a small smile, and his nervousness makes you giggle.

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you too. This really is an amazing night."

"Good." You place your hands in his chest, tracing the outline of the tattoos peeking out from his top. "But you know… I am still a little upset with you about something…"

His eyes go wide with shock and maybe even a little guilt, which you quickly want to squash.

"I saw you kiss Lewis, and then Stanley Tucci!"

Harry's expression immediately changes as he lets out that loud laugh that you can only fall in love with more each time you hear it.

"Well, you weren't there…" He shrugs, taking a sip of his drink as his gaze flickers down to your lips.

"Hm. I think I need to take back what's mine." You immediately reply, feeling a heat and need for him quickly growing inside. "Let's leave."

"What?" He chuckles, staring into your eyes as if to gauge your sincerity. You give him as lustful a look as you can, without being too obvious, and another grin quickly appears across his face. "Let me finish my dri-"

"Take it with you…" You whisper, your fingers traveling up the nape of his neck into his curly locks. You lick your lips, leaning closer to his, and press them firmly together.

"Jeff?" Harry shouts, swiveling around to find his friend. "Call the car. We're heading out!"

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huramuna · 1 year ago

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a maid's folly - chapter 7.

dark aemond x maid ofc minor aemond x floris baratheon work is 18+, minors do not interact, lest ye be smited.

previous | next

summary: a new maid from the Vale arrives at the Red Keep during a tumultuous time and becomes ensnared in the One-Eyed prince's web.

word count: 4.7k

this chapter took so long to do, so sorry for the delay. after this, we have one chapter and the epilogue. we are approaching the end!

i don't do taglists any more unfortunately, its mostly because i never remember and then feel bad about it so i've made a second blog just for reblogging my fics! @huramuna-fics -- follow & turn on notifications for just my fic postings!

warnings: smut (details below cut), power imbalance, religious guilt, dark Aemond, canon typical misogyny, canon typical violence (details under the cut), Aemond being a touch starved weirdo, possessiveness, jealousy, this is going to be ANGSTY

the dog days are over - florence + the machine • am i dreaming - metro boomin, a$ap rocky, roisee

content: p in v, oral (m receiving), creampie, aemond has a breeding kink. attempted forced abortion, threats of mutilation.

They had stayed together that night and every night for a fortnight. Aemond made a point to the serving staff that he was not to be disturbed under any circumstance during the night after dinner or the morning before he broke his fast. He had shown Rosemary the tunnels connecting through the keep– her first experience with it being when he rescued her from certain death and brought her into his bedroom– and they became their haven to get to one another.

After their first coupling, Rosemary fell asleep in his bed, sprawled out next to him. She murmured in her sleep quite a lot, he noted, as he had watched her for a few hours before finally sleeping himself– but not before barring his door, just in case. When the morning light strewn from the half-drawn blinds, Rosemary’s eyes fluttered open and it took her a moment to realize where she was exactly.

Turning over, vision still blurry, her hands ran through Aemond’s hair, interweaving it between her fingers, his scent filling her nostrils and making her snuggle up closer to him. It felt very dream-like, and she wondered if she was still dreaming. Poking her nose against his head, she slipped her arms to his waist, effectively spooning him, clinging to him like a leech. The events of the previous day exhausted her, physically and mentally– she knew that her current position, to be clear, her position being naked, skin to skin with the prince in his bed, was likely a precarious one– but with the brush of death just the day before, she decided for the time being that she didn’t care. She wanted the illusion of happiness, even if only for a few hours.

Aemond gave a little grunt in response to her shifting movements, effectively dislodging her from his back, then turning over. His one violet eye was bleary with sleep, the puckered skin around his other socket twitching– he had taken out the sapphire some time during the night. His hand came up, fingertips brushing against the soft skin of her chin, then trailing up her jawline, committing the slope of her bones to memory. His lips were pursed slightly, his tongue darting out to wet them as he leaned forward, kissing her forehead slowly.

Rosemary let out a sigh of contentment, followed by a soft giggle. “Your whiskers,” she whispered, tugging his chin down in turn, her thumb rasping over his skin where the very beginnings of unshaved stubble tickled against the bridge of her nose, “Tickles.”

“Whiskers? Am I a cat now?” he grinned, letting her tug his head all she liked.

“Mmm, yes,” she responded, “A contemptuous tom cat.”

“Contemptuous,” he echoed, notching their noses together, lips ghosting over one another. “Such sophisticated vocabulary for so early in the morn.” he closed the gap and kissed her softly. It was intended to be short, sweet and chaste.

But the smallest of moans escaped her throat. He pulled back, brow perked. Her face was christened with red, eyes half-lidded as she settled against his lips again, their mouths moving fervently against one another. Aemond found it quite amusing, his mouth curved into a sly grin as he moved his hand up her bare thigh, fondling the soft, doughy flesh near her bottom.

She responded immediately, her body contorting into his, her nipples brushing against his chest. They parted momentarily, to which she was hastily whispering, “T-teach me,” she quivered, “How to please you– I want… I want you to feel like I did last night when,” Rosemary looked slightly bashful, “When you put your… mouth on me.”

“You please me just fine,” he hummed back, supplanting his mouth against her throat, leaving trails of kisses and bites.

“Please, Aemond,” she whimpered, tugging on his hair to pull his head back so they could lock gazes. “... I want to make you fall apart like you did I.”

Aemond gave a puff of acquiescence. “There are many things– but you are still injured, I don’t wish to push you,” he laid flat on his back, pushing hair out of his face. His length was standing at attention, leaking at the tip. “Use your mouth.”

She shifted her body to lay across his chest, her heart pounding in her chest. Her hand grasped at the base of his shaft, giving it an experimental tug. She felt his fingers lace themselves into her hair.

“That isn’t your mouth, little lamb,” he chastised, “Turn this way– need to see your face.”

Letting him guide her head and position her body, she was laying on her side, strewn across his legs.

“Open,” he murmured, and as she did so, he took his free hand, prodding two fingers into her mouth, suppressing her tongue. The act caused her mouth to fill with saliva, the wetness pooling just before her lip. “Keep it open.” Aemond grunted as he lowered her slowly by the hair, fixating the head of his cock into her mouth, nestling between her lips and she gave a hum of satisfaction at the salty taste. The saliva spilled over, dripping down his length and onto the patch of dark hair at the base.

Slowly, he rocked her head up and down, hardly moving down his length, but just to exemplify the motion. Loosening his hold on her hair, he let her take the lead. She gave a few kitten licks before copying the bobbing motion, eventually making her way past the tip. Her eyes, now wide open, watched his face carefully to try and catch any change of emotion. The scent of him— warm and all consuming— filled her nostrils, encouraging her further. She managed to make it more than half way down his cock before faltering, a tiny mewl escaping her as it prodded the back of her throat, a few tears spilling down her cheeks.

Aemond was good at suppressing his expressions normally, able to hide his contempt, glee or any other emotion he may be feeling within him, keeping a stone-faced facade. However– all of his premonitions and his usual well-schooled features fell apart as he watched Rosemary suck him off, those pretty, huge brown eyes wide, tears forming at her lash line from her exertions– she made little whimpering noises, similar to the ones from the night before when he was fucking her that made him go insane. This was true madness, wasn’t it? Seeing the woman you love drooling on your cock– wait. Love? Love. The notion caught him off guard, the feeling going straight to his core. He fucking loved her. He felt the tightening of his balls and knew he needed more– he reached quickly and pulled Rosemary off of his length, earning him a confused whine.

“Did I do something wrong?” she whimpered.

“No- you were perfect,” he breathed heavily, the heights of his cheeks tinged with rose, “Just… come here,” he leaned forward, picking her up easily and placating her atop his length– not inside yet, but horizontally between her folds. She was soaked, the cheeky woman. “Want to… spend inside of you.” he hummed, his stomach twisting slightly at his admission, feeling the smallest tinge of bashfulness at it. His hands squeezed her bottom, giving it a tiny smack. He was trying to hold back and not be too rough with her– she was still recovering from the ordeal– but damn the Gods if he didn’t want to take her right now, fast and hard. He wanted her on every surface of the room, every place in the Red Keep, his little cockdrunk lamb.

“Mmm,” she nodded slowly, biting her lip. Her thighs quivered as his slicked cock brushed against her clit, sending jolts throughout her. “Please.”

“I’ll do the work,” he leaned up, whispering in her ear, “Just sit back and look pretty, sweet lamb.” he kissed at her neck as he positioned her, sliding her down his length and slotting into her. He nestled nicely in her, giving her another moment to adjust.

“A-ah,” she mewled, her previously wide eyes back to their half-lidded stupor, “Feels different.”

He hummed in response, moving his hips and her body in tandem as he fucked into her, hitting that sweet spot more easily from his angle, bullying against it. His fingers left red marks on her thighs and he hoped, prayed that when she would look at them later in the mirror, she would feel him all over again– think of him. Her sweet little noises spurred him on like a call to action, his hands moving to flatten against her spine, letting her lay back on them, her nails sinking into his thighs as she tried to find purchase to stay aloft.

Even with him doing all of the work, she still looked exhausted, her face reddened, a bead of sweat forming at her brow. Her walls clenched around him as she neared her end, he guessed. His thumb grazed down from her spine to between her legs, sliding against her clit in tandem with his bucking. “C’mon,” he growled in her ear, biting on her lobe gently, “Come undone for me, my sweet girl.”

“Aemond, Aemon-d-... !” her voice came in hazy, feverish whines as she barrelled towards her end, taking him with her.

Rosemary clenched around him like a vice, burying her face into his shoulder, descending into a panting mess.

His climax followed soon after, his movements stilling as he came inside of her, grunting like a besotted dragon. “Mine, fucking mine, mine,” he growled, his nose pressed to her neck as they both caught their breaths. “Mine.”

Their days started and ended much the same way– Aemond did well on his promise to himself to have her on every surface in his chambers. On the bed, over his desk, on the floor in front of the fire. They coupled like a pair of newly-weds, unable to keep their hands to themselves for the majority of the day.

They still had to be careful, though– extremely so. Aemond did his best to investigate the man that had attacked her in the city, but by the time he returned to where the body was, all evidence was washed away. Some carefully laid questions to the City Watch turned up nothing– it was as if it never happened, the man that he killed never existed. They were also extremely careful with the possible repercussions from their pairings– Lady Jeyne had taught Rosemary the recipe for moon tea many years prior, so she made sure to have a stockpile of herbs for such occasions, although her memorization of the exact recipe was teetering on hazy. She felt much sickness throughout the day, attributing it to the tea, as it was known to upset stomachs and the like.

A full two moons after their affair began, Rosemary was in Helaena’s solar, folding clothes. She was perched on the settee while Helaena and the children were out, tidying up around the chambers. A knock at the door interrupted her focused reverie, her head lifting up. She hadn’t the faintest idea who it could be.

Opening the heavy door, Floris Baratheon was on the other side. Her features were schooled into a neutral pleasant smile. “Ah,” she started, her hands placed neatly over one another, “Is my good-sister to be here?” she asked.

Rosemary blinked. She hadn’t totally forgotten about Aemond’s impending marriage to Floris– in fact, it was one of her sources of ire. As unenthused as Aemond seemed with the match, Rosemary couldn’t help but be fearful of what it meant for them once he and Floris wed. She straightened her dress, putting on her best open-minded and objective face– trying not to think about the fact that Floris’ husband-to-be was breeding her practically every night. “Lady Baratheon,” she smiled softly, “I’m sorry, but Princess Helaena isn’t here– she is out with the children and the Queen at the moment. Is it an urgent matter, my lady? I’d be happy to take a message for her grace.”

Floris shifted slightly, inclining her neck into the chambers. “Ah– well, mayhaps you can help me, then,” she gave a saccharine sweet smile, “I am trying to embroider a gift for the princess– we are to be sisters, after all– and you should know her better than most, as her handmaiden. Would you say that would be a correct presumption?”

“Oh– yes. I am quite close with Princess Helaena and know her quite well,” she hummed, “What are you trying to embroider for her?”

“I haven’t quite started yet, I am looking for the right subject to portray. Could I interest you in tea later this afternoon, Lady Rosemary? We can talk about Helaena’s favorite things in my chambers– if it would interest you.”

Rosemary cocked her head slightly, her guard going up. She was a servant– mayhaps not as lowly as others in the Keep, but subservient nonetheless. She wasn’t entirely sure why Floris would be inviting her to tea to talk about the princess. “That is… a most gracious offer, my lady. I would love to sit with you for tea but I have much to do once Helaena and the children return– and I am not a Lady, just Rosemary is fine.” she gave a lopsided smile, fiddling with the hem of her dress as her anxiety rose.

“Please– I insist,” Floris continued, leaning forward slightly, “It will only be… fifteen minutes of your time. How about at high noon?”

Rosemary’s stomach churned as Floris stared her down. She was a servant, and was to be subservient to the others in the Keep, especially a high-ranking Lady such as Floris. She couldn’t exactly say no. Slowly, she nodded.

Floris was overjoyed immediately. “Oh, perfect! I will see you then.” she curtsied and jotted off.

High noon rode around quite quickly and Rosemary was pacing around all the while– she wore a small hole in her sleeve from her incessant picking. She knocked on Floris’ door, down the way from the main gathering of chambers in the Holdfast. “My lady? It’s… ehm, Rosemary.”

“Come in, come in,” Floris called. She was sitting at the tea table, two additional seats pulled up. “Help yourself.” she waved over her personal maid, whispering something in the young girl’s ear. The maid nodded and left right away, closing the double doors to the chamber, as well as the doors to the adjoining room they were to sit in.

“… thank you for your most gracious invitation, my lady,” Rosemary murmured, sitting down on one of the pulled out chairs, glancing at the empty one next to her. “You wished to speak of Princess Helaena?”

“Mm, yes,” Floris smiled, swirling her tea with her spoon, continuing to motion for Rosemary to drink her own. “Tell me, what does the princess fancy?”

Rosemary swallowed, staring down at her tea. The smell was oddly familiar, and yet she couldn’t quite place it at the moment, the rest of her senses overwhelmed. She didn’t take a sip, just stirred it errantly, mimicking Floris. “Oh, well, she loves bugs. It caught me off guard at first as well but you get used to it, and it becomes quite endearing. Right now she is set on procuring a Dornish Horned beetle, which is apparently exceedingly rare.”

Floris’ spoon scraped the side of her cup as she listened to Rosemary prattle on about Helaena. With each breath leaving the handmaiden’s mouth, she became more and more irritable, like flecks of porcelain breaking off of a shattering vase. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited a friend to dine with us.”

Her mouth went dry, the alarm bells going off in her head. Turning back, she heard the hollowed thump of a cane. A slightly hunched over man approached, an unnerving smile plastered on his face. Larys Strong. “Good afternoon ladies,” he hummed, taking a seat right next to Rosemary. “How is the tea?”

Floris shifted in her seat, her eye line casted downward, away from Larys, as if afraid to meet his gaze.

“Ehm,” Rosemary started, “I hadn’t… tried any yet, truthfully.”

“Hm,” Larys leaned back in his seat, hands steepled on the top of his cane. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting, my lady. You may know me— Lord Larys Strong.” he pried a hand from his cane, offering it to Rosemary.

“Rosemary Stone, my lord,” she shook his hand— it was clammy and made her skin crawl— forcing herself to smile. “I’m no lady, my lord, just Rosemary is alright.”

“Ah? Not a lady?” he inquired, pouring himself tea, but just like Floris, not actually drinking it. “I find that quite odd, with the company you keep, rubbing elbows with the royal family.”

Her grip on her spoon tightened and she used every ounce of willpower in her body to keep a cool head. “I beg your pardon, my lord— I don’t quite understand your notion. I am Princess Helaena’s handmaiden and caretaker to her three children, but I assure you, it’s nothing more than professional obligation.” she kept her voice steady, even if it was a blatant lie.

“Ah? Ever dutiful you must be. To be requested specifically by Prince Aemond, then handed off to the princess and promoted to handmaiden so quickly– if Princess Helaena ever tires of you, mayhaps you would serve well as my handmaiden?” Larys gave a small smile, but there was no warmth behind it.

Rosemary shifted uncomfortably in her chair, feeling very much like a cornered animal. “... that is a kind offer, my lord, thank you.” she spoke methodically, staring into the expanse of her tea. She raised it to her lips, drinking in the scent. It was strong and herbal, but nothing like the usual herbs used for tea. The sticky scent lingered in her nose and churned her stomach– she didn’t wish to drink it. She knew the scent from somewhere– it smelled of resin and balsam and she could practically feel the clinging of sap to her nose. Glancing up, she looked at Floris, who was leaning forward in her chair intently, waiting for Rosemary to drink it. The scent finally registered in her mind. Tansy. Sticky, medicinal tansy. This was tansy tea– more commonly known as moon tea.

Rosemary’s demeanor and facade had been strong throughout– but her heart stopped momentarily, her eyes going wide. They know, they know. They fucking know– they know– her face told all as she placed the cup down with shaky hands. “I-I… I should really get back to the princess, she will worry if I am gone for long.” she hadn’t really thought of the possibility of her being pregnant with the prince’s child– she had taken her moontea, right?

The waft of strong mint perforated her nose then. She recognized it as wormwood– another ingredient in moontea. The one that she had forgotten. Moon tea was a very specific recipe, needed to be made with specific herbs in terribly accurate amounts, any of the amounts left out may result in the brew not doing its intended purpose: preventing a child. Drinking the wrong tea for the two moons that she and Aemond had been together– her hand clutched her stomach. Her illness she experienced throughout the day wasn’t an effect of the tea. She was pregnant– she’d missed her monthly bloods, stupidly attributing it to the tea.

Bile rose in the back of her throat as she stared down at the tea. They knew; Floris and Larys. They knew she was in bed with the prince every night, filled to the brim with his seed and then some. They meant to rid her of the child growing inside of her. Moon tea was meant to be drunk the morning after coupling, or within two days. There was no telling the effect it would have this far into a pregnancy– it would likely kill her trying to induce miscarriage.

Floris clenched the table. “Drink your tea, maid. It’s rude to not drink it.”

“P-please– I… I must… I must go– Helaena… the children.”

“What are children– but a weakness,” Larys said then, “A folly, a futility. You know the right thing must be done here, dear Rosemary. But you are hesitant, love stays the hand. Love is a downfall. We shall give you two options to choose from, Rosemary Stone. First, you shall drink the tea and leave the keep, leave the city. Second, you choose not to drink the tea– that is truly the wrong choice, I’m afraid– and you will be shipped to the Silk Street where I know of a woman whose speciality is cutting out bastard babies from the mother. She has a surprisingly high survival rate, truly. Then, you shall join the Silent sisters and become a handmaiden of the dead– a vow of silence written in blood, the wagging appendage in your mouth snuffed out, cut out, ripped out, it matters naught.”

Floris, all the while, was simmering. “You’re ruining everything– I don’t understand his obsession with you, truly! You’re a maid, a bastard at that. What is so special about you?” she stood up now, flinging her own cup to the ground. “Drink the fucking tea!”

Rosemary felt like she was floating outside of her body, her ears ringing. Her fingers felt numb as she still held the tea to her lips, trembling like a leaf. “It… it’s too late– the tea,” she croaked, “It… would kill me if I drank it–”

“All the better, then!” Floris leaned across the table, pushing the cup towards Rosemary’s mouth.

She didn’t want to drink it– she didn’t. Letting go of the cup, she pushed back against Floris’ hand, shoving her backwards, along with her tea. It all happened so fast, Floris suddenly atop Rosemary on the ground, smacking and slapping her. “You’re ruining it, ruining everything! Why can’t you just go away?!” the tablecloth came down in a crash, sending all of the porcelain to the ground.

Rosemary put her arms up once again, shielding her face from Floris’ demented assault. “St-Stop!” she was screaming now.

The doors to the solar flew open. “Ah, my good-sister to be!” it was Aegon. Aegon? Wha– “Goodness, what’s going on here?” he walked around the room, Ser Arryk behind him. “Ah, Rosemary. Helaena is looking for you, no time to be… hm, what are you two doing? Quite a precarious position, Lady Baratheon, seemingly beating my poor lady wife’s favorite handmaiden.”

Floris froze, letting up her grip on Rosemary, sliding off of her. She was silent.

“And Larys Strong– didn’t know you were an enjoyer of two women with one another, hm? Ah, but we all have our own odd proclivities, don’t we?” Aegon sauntered over to Rosemary, scooping her up into his arms. Her face was reddened from the slaps that Floris managed to get in, her nose bleeding. “I’ll be taking her, Helaena is distraught, you must understand. I’ll be sure not to mention this… indiscretion to my mother, grandsire, or brother, as a favor. Good day to you both.” he gave a wobbly bow, obviously not used to holding the weight of a woman in his arms. He walked out of the solar and into the hallway, cautiously looking side-to-side. “Ser Arryk, make sure they don’t follow.”

The knight nodded, standing at the door.

Aegon huffed, adjusting Rosemary in his arms. “I’m not cut out for this saving maidens in distress business, truly. Though, I suppose you aren’t a maiden anymore.”

“... out of all of the people, I expected you least, Aegon.”

“You underestimate the power of Helaena when she is… in her moods. Usually she’s quiet, despondent,” he slunk close to the wall, prying open a door behind a statue and descending into the tunnels, “But this time– she was incorrigible, crying, squawking– it was giving me a headache. Consider this my good act of the decade,” Aegon shrugged, walking through the tunnels with ease, he’d obviously traipsed through them frequently. “... may it be my moment of sobriety, but… you make my sister and brother happy. You’re good with my children– I may be a fucking idiot but I’m not blind.”

“... thank you, Aegon.” she murmured as he shouldered his way through another opening, leading them out to Helaena’s solar.

She was there, distraught and pacing. When the doorway hinged, she descended upon them like a swarm of butterflies. “Oh, Rosemary, are you alright? Oh, that horrible woman has bloodied up your nose!” Helaena sniffed, her eyes rimmed red. She glanced at Aegon then, nodding to him. “Thank you, brother.”

“Don’t mention it– please. I can’t have my reputation as a lecher ruined by my acts of goodness.” he laid Rosemary down on the settee, nodding to her and Helaena before retreating back into the tunnels.

Helaena stooped down next to Rosemary. “I… I saw it– they were going to hurt you, even more than that silly doe hoofing you,” she swallowed, putting her hand on her friend’s cheek, “... you must leave.”

“Leave?”

“It’s not safe. You must leave, you must. I hate to get you up after just sitting down but we must leave now.”

“N-now? But… Aemond,” Rosemary murmured, her eyes stinging. “He doesn’t know anything that’s happened– he… he could protect me… us.”

“You know as well as I that if Aemond found out, Larys nor Floris would be leaving this keep alive, charred to the bone and sinew. That would be… complicated for a number of reasons– politics are… delicate. It wouldn’t do well for him to kill his betrothed, especially the daughter of a hothead like Borros.”

“I can’t just leave him, Helaena– I’m… pregnant.”

“I know,” she hummed softly, pressing their noses together, “You are now my sweet sister, in blood and heart. But… we must go. Come.” she pulled Rosemary up from the settee, wrapping a plain cloak around her and pulling up the hood, leading her to the tunnels again. “Aegon told me the way out.” she held Rosemary’s hand in her own, the other skimming the wrought stone. “Made to choose, but they choose for me,” Helaena muttered under her breath, “We must have these tunnels guarded more carefully, I think.”

They approached the end, cracking the wooden door open. “... I will miss you. I have not seen if we will meet again, but I sorely hope we do. But if not… you are the greatest friend I’ve known, the kindest– you are my sister, truly. We are but two butterflies that met on the breeze, but not meant for eternity, I fear,” Helaena let go of her hand, pressing a heavy sack in her hand, the jingling of coins heard, “Make a new life far from here, a place with lots of nectar for you, beautiful flowers,” she leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, “Take care of my nephew.”

“Two butterflies,” Rosemary responded, tears flowing down her face, “I quite like that,” she paused for a moment, “I fear Aemond would disagree. He thinks me a lamb. Helaena– tell him… tell him I love him– tell… tell him something.”

“You shall tell him yourself one day, I hope. Now, be free, woolen butterfly, flitting on the breeze…” she kissed Rosemary’s cheek and parted from her, descending back into the tunnels, walking back to her solar. “The thread weaves once more, mending opened wounds… herbs shall turn to flowers, blooming.”

–

It was past dinner time, well past it. And yet, she wasn’t here. His Rosemary was nothing if not punctual.

It must be something with the twins, or Maelor– mayhaps Helaena needed her help with something– she wouldn’t be late on purpose. Aemond paced, stopping at his wardrobe and opening it, pushing through a false-back and pulling out a soft silken garment, Rosemary’s nightwear. It smelled of her, so sweet and warm, lavender and that scented soapberry brew she bathed in.

The unlatching of a lock was heard towards the bookshelf, where his room connected to the tunnels, she must be here, surely. “Rosemary, love. You’re a bit late.” he admonished softly, the pads of his fingers rasping against the fabric absentmindedly.

It was a crop of blonde hair that passed through the threshold of the tunnels– but not Rosemary.

“Helaena? Where is Rosemary?”

“Brother,” she murmured, her voice solemn, “There’s… been an accident.

#aemond fic #aemond x oc #aemond fanfiction #aemond targaryen #hotd aemond #house of the dragon aemond #aemond x fem!reader #prince aemond #aemond one eye #hotd x reader #hotd fanfic #aemond fanfic #aemond fandom #my writing #the maid's folly #aemond x servant

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