#Few years back people would have read that and gone THERES NO WAY THEYD SAY THAT...

[yesterdayiwrote]

I do think certain people within Mercedes should maybe consider that a quote like that wouldn't be half as believable if Toto hadn't spent the last six months fawning like a lovesick teenager in the press and dropping quotes of a similar sentiment himself...

Once you start to doubt someone's integrity, you'll believe more and more scurrilous things about them with less and less questioning

[sleepii-moth]

the fact that fnaf after everything with its creator still has adult fans and is getting new merch, games, and other things made for it is wild to me. regardless of how you feel about death of the author or whatever, the new fnaf content that is being made is getting less and less coherent plot wise and the gameplay is getting repetitive. From an objective standpoint i think that the first fnaf game was never meant to be what the series became. As someone who has a general knowledge of how games are made, especially when it comes to narrative driven games, it was clearly meant to simply be a gameplay focused horror game with a little story thrown in to give some cool backstory and add some mystery, and then maybe there'd be a few more games in the series that expand on the mechanics and elaborate on the story a bit but its pretty reasonable to assume that the story of the game was meant to be mostly up for interpretation and that as a series, it wouldnt be too long. Unfortunately though, it ended up gaining fame and people reading more into it which definitely contributed to the series being what it is now (and also yknow.. money is another reason.) It sort of ended up having a certain Supernatural (tm) effect where it kept getting worse but people still watched it which i guess answers my question of why people still like it (because people arent willing to let things they like go even if theyre bad) but that is an unfulfilling answer to me and theres definitely a more fulfilling one

so im wondering now.. are people (not counting kids for a reason) who still like fnaf holding onto the series because they liked the concept (of animatronics, a sprawling mystery, and other things) and have never found or heard of other things that share those same concepts? Or is it really just simply holding onto things that are nostalgic to them? Im genuinely curious because i have been into things that just got bad because they went for too long or tried to do convoluted things with the story that i just moved on from. I still remember when i was younger i watched supernatural with my sibling, and did really enjoy it, we got pretty late in the show before my sibling told me they thought it was getting worse and didnt want to watch it anymore. Of course as a kid who didn't really even know how to tell if a form of entertainment was bad, i was a little upset and didnt understand why but agreed anyway. And so we stopped watching supernatural and watched other things together like steven universe that we ended up liking way more. Occasionally there would be tv show or anime that just ended up sucking and from then on we just stopped watching it and watched something else.

I think the reason i fully stopped liking fnaf was partly that i recognized the content i was watching for it (like lets plays or theory videos) were getting worse and i also just grew out of it? As the years went on i got into other games like half life or portal that had way more fulfilling stories to me that i enjoyed a lot more so fnaf just became something i didnt care about. fnaf is like the cracker barrel of video games to me, i went there as a kid because other people liked it so i was supposed to also like it and mostly really liked it because it was restaurant food and to a kid thats better than anything you get at home (and also they have little toys), and then one day when i was older and had gone to more different places i sat down, ate my food, and thought "wow this is bad actually," and never ate there again. And all of that is to say i really do wonder if the majority of adult fans of fnaf still like it because its one of the few games theyve engaged with in their life, and that if they were to expand their palette, try new things, and look back on their interests, then theyd be able to more easily accept its (and its creators) problems and move on from it as purely a thing of their past. because i promise you, there are better things out there, not everything is cracker barrel or supernatural, theres genres youve never even heard of, games that no one knows about waiting to be played, theres the sprawling mysteries of Outer Wilds, the gut wrenching horror of Devotion, the captivating characters of Psychonauts, the expansive world building of Half Life, there are so many better things out there made by better people. Letting go of something doesnt hurt as much when you have more things to enjoy. There are better things out there, you just have to stop looking in the same place.

[ask-the-six-human-souls]

Don't worry, we get it. With that said, how were Frisk, Papyrus and Undyne going to find the parents of each soul and what was going to happen to them, especially when they were given the objects of the souls?

((Just a disclaimer! This post is probably gonna get pretty long...

•••

Anyway! So, first we'll start off with how Frisk and the gang were going about finding the soul's homes and their parents...

Frisk was the second character to be poofed into the Void (the first being Flowey), and while they were here, I started getting the idea to make the comic since I thought it'd be a neat concept to have Frisk return all the humans belongings to their family!

If you've read the start of Returning The Memories, Frisk looks at this paper for reference a lot. This is because, while they were in the Void, they had asked all the souls either what their home addresses were, or, where they most likely would expect their parents to be. (As you can see, Kaden's has question marks on it...we'll get to that later!)

This is how Frisk knows where the soul's homes are, and what their parent's names are as well. So, all they needed was transportation, which is why Undyne and Papyrus came with them! And, also, Undyne and Papyrus may have helped lighten the mood some, since...this comic was certainly going to have some sad moments ;n;

Anyway, now for how Frisk went about addressing the soul's parents about the sad news/the parents reactions...

•••

Pate's mother's reaction 🎀🗡:

[See these pages of the comic: PG2 PG3 PG4]

Thankfully, Pate's section of the comic was one (and the only one) of the sections I managed to finish! But, I'll summarize Melissa's reaction here, as well:

She felt terribly guilty for how badly she had treated her daughter during the time she was alive...She often criticized Pate about how she looked, or what clothes she wore, and not only that, but Melissa would often ignore Pate because of work, and, well...dates. She also wasn't aware of Pate being bullied, which was also a major part that played in Pate climbing Mt. Ebott.

Seeing her daughter's items...it just brought back all the guilt at once...and, she really wishes she could have treated Pate better...

Matthew's dad's reaction 🧤🧡:

[See this page of the comic: PG5]

So, this is the part where I stopped updating...but, it was pretty much hinted at that Frisk would have to go to a jail in order to visit Matthew's father, Kyle. (They'd be able to talk to him by using one of those glass seperated things they have in jails?? Where you can visit them face to face. Frisk probably would have had to give the Gloves and Bandanna to a guard there, and entrust them on giving Kyle the items once he was out of jail.)

Anyway, after hearing the news about Matthew...Matthew's dad probably would have felt the same as Pate's mother...just, horribly guilty.

He would have put all the blame on himself immediately. (Just like how Matthew had blamed himself for being a horrible person about the whole thing that happened to Pate.)

However, Frisk tells Kyle thats not true. The way Kyle acted may have had somewhat of an impact, but, Matthew chose to climb the moutain on his own because whatever Matthew climbed the mountain for was important to him. Matthew is headstrong, and ultimately, probably would have climbed the mountain either way, even if his dad wasn't a bad influence.

In short, Kyle would have learned a lot when talking to Frisk about these things, and would have decided to make better decisions in his life once he was out of jail.

Amy's parent's reaction 🩰🎶:

So, to explain Amy's parent's reaction, first we have to know why Amy climbed Mt. Ebott. Essentially, her reason for climbing the mountain was to understand if monsters were truly bad, or not...she had been taught for as long as she could remember, that monsters were horrible, and evil...But, she noticed some people still thought that monsters were not all bad, and that them being trapped under Mt. Ebott was a horrible mistake...

Because of this, Amy had become very defiant the last few days before she climbed because she was so blinded by wanting to know the truth about monsters. It was so bad, that she thought her parents were going against her wanting to learn truth whenever they would tell her how dangerous the mountain was, and why she shouldn't explore it. Of course, that didn't stop her...

So, you can only imagine both Amy's mother (Alice) and father's (Jacob) reaction when they hear, and are presented with Amy's belongings...They would have both been horribly sad, thinking that because they were not willing to be strict enough, their daughter had perished...

But, Frisk tries to explain to them, that it wasn't all their fault. Amy was so blinded by wanting to know what was true and right, that she couldn't see what dangers she was putting herself into. Neither could she see that her parents only wanted to protect her...

In the end, with Amy's mindset...the outcome may have not been able to have been helped.

And Amy certainly regrets her decisions as much as her parents regret theirs...

Lucas's grandmother's reaction 📒💜:

Now we get into what would have been the shorter sections of the comic, shorter by some degree, at least...

For context, Lucas and Kaden are the only souls that have a parent/guardian that is dead...and neither of them are really aware of this, except for Lucas, who only assumes that could be the case with his grandmother.

Sadly, his assumption is correct, as only a few years after Lucas had climbed, his grandmother had passed away...

But, she was alive and well before Lucas climbed, and his grandmother (Margaret) influenced Lucas's climb pretty much unknowingly by talking highly of monsters. She remembered hearing about their kindness when she was much younger. However, Lucas heard at school and read books frequently that would say monsters were horrible beasts. This made him extremely conflicted. And, much like Amy, he wanted to know which side was correct. Not to mention, hearing stories that his grandmother told him would always leave him with more questions about monsters than answers.

Margaret was shocked that her actions had such an impact, and was very lonely, sad and worried once she realized Lucas had suddenly disappeared...Lucas had been the only one keeping her company...

I wanted Frisk to see both Lucas and Kaden's dead family members somehow and the only way I thought about doing this was by having Frisk lay the belongings of both Lucas and Kaden by where their family member was buried. So, Frisk had to go to whatever graveyard Margaret was buried, and lay Lucas's glasses and Notebook there...

However, when Frisk did this, I thought that perhaps something similar that happened with Chara would happen. Frisk saw Margaret's ghost by her clinging to their Determination. They either would have exchanged glances, or would have had a short conversation is what I had planned. But, once Frisk left, Margaret would no longer be able to persist as a ghost.

Kaden's grandfather's reaction 🍳💚:

Kaden's situation was different, however, since he had at least one member of his family still alive, and that was his grandfather. But, meeting him would have been easier said than done...

The reason why Kaden has question marks written on his part of the list is because, well...he was not able to remember his home address very well when Frisk asked him. He actually had a hard time remembering a lot of things...but, luckily for Frisk, he managed to remember the name of the hospital his mother stayed in.

While it wasnt a lot of info, Frisk does their best to work around it, and ends up having to visit the hospital Kaden had told them about. The receptionists, or possibly some of the nurses probably would have helped Frisk out, as they would more than likely have any info on Kaden and his family since his mother stayed in that hospital, and died there...

Once they obtain the address, Frisk goes to the home and is greeted by Noah, Kaden's grandfather, who is now the only person living in that home. Frisk breaks the news to him, and has to ask him if theres a graveyard Lily was buried in so they can lay Kaden's items there. Noah is obviously very shocked to hear all of this...but he tells Frisk there is a graveyard and agrees to ride with them, Payrus, and Undyne to give them directions and visit Lily's grave.

They get there, and Frisk and Noah go up to Lily's grave, and...Noah is just, completely distraught....he lost his daughter and nephew in such a short frame of time...its heartbreaking...

Frisk lays the items near the grave, but, again, the same thing happens with Margaret, where Frisk is able to see Lily's ghost, who is persisting via their Determination...She would have also been shocked and sad to know about what happened to Kaden, as...she didn't know he had went through all that suffering, just so that he could have attempted to help her.

Lily and Frisk can only exchange glances, though, since Noah is there, and Noah can't see Lily like Frisk can...

They don't visit for very long, but Noah is at least happy that now Kaden and Lily can be reunited in some kind of way now.

Justin's dad's reaction 💛:

Now, we get to Justin's dad (Adam). However, Frisk has actually encountered Justin's dad quite a few times before. Remember that one Undyne ask that mentioned how she was trying to get hired into the police force, but everytime theyd talk to the sheriff in the village, he'd always decline her? That was Justin's father. So Frisk is familiar with talking to him, to some degree.

Frisk would have gone to the police station in town in order to try and talk to Adam, and, once Frisk managed to come in and talk with him, and breaks the news to him, and shows him his son's belongings...

He was furious.

Monsters killed his son. And yet, now, Frisk is their ambassador. And he has to ask Frisk why they would have ever thought it was a good idea to let monsters, beasts who are not afraid to kill children, free on the Surface.

And Frisk has to do their best to explain to Adam that the monsters were only doing what they thought they could. And humans were doing everything they could. Frisk tells him that they remember the missing children being all over the news before they climbed Mt. Ebott. They wanted to help, and Frisk tells Adam that Justin must have wanted to help, too. But, sadly, monsters weren't being the friendliest when Justin, or Frisk climbed. But they're friendly now. Frisk would have had to explain that they were able to teach monsters that, even though humans did them wrong, acting out of rage wouldn't solve anything. Because of Frisk, monsters want humans to forgive them of the past, they just want to move on, and they want things to be peaceful, like they had been.

Adam remembers getting into multiple arguments with Justin about the search, and he remembers how desperately Justin wanted to help find those missing kids, and, he realizes that Frisk has a point...that Frisk and his son just wanted to do the only thing they could to help, and because of humans, monsters had to resort to violence...

He regrets having treated his son in a way that made him feel like a child, when, in the end, he could have been super helpful...perhaps if Adam would have thought through things more, and hadn't been so strict and angry, his son would have still lived...

In the end, Frisk teaches Adam to accept these new changes with monsters, and to realize that sometimes, being too strict can lead to bad things. That he needs a balance.

And, to add more to this happy ending, Adam decides to think about letting Undyne into the police force. :)

(Bonus) Chara encounter ❤:

So, I also thought about having Frisk climb back up Mt. Ebott, and summon Chara so that they could talk to each other. Chara is also considered one of the fallen humans, after all.

Frisk would have first apologized to Chara. (because, by this point, they had already done a Genocide route once, and they know that was a horrible experience for Chara to go through.) Chara, of course, begrudgingly excepts their apology...and Frisk would have promised to not RESET anymore.

Then, it would only make sense for Frisk to ask Chara about their parents. They would have explained what they had been doing with the other soul's items, and would have said that Chara deserves for their items to be with someone they care a lot about. However...Chara doesn't go into too much detail, but tells Frisk that they dont want the items going back to their real parents. They want Frisk to return their items to the Underground, where Chara thinks they belong since that is what they think their true home was.

So, Frisk would have ended up throwing the Locket and Dagger back into the Underground, and just like that, they would have returned every one of the human's items! :)

•••

So, that was my entire plan for each section of the comic! I just felt like it would have taken a long time for me to finish, and wouldn't have been as short as I orginally thought, it was just an overwhelming amount of work that I wasn't expecting. :(

But, still! At least I can share the plans I had this way! Feel free to ask more questions about the comic or the soul's pasts in general! Its fun to talk about! :)

[crusty]

god i just went through all through my dammek tag/ art... such good times back then but also i felt like i should say something!!

2017-2018 was a very confusing and difficult time for me, not having the adequate tools to deal with my trauma even now, it took so long for me to catch up with growing up like the rest of my peers. I think it showed in my art, and it showed in how i talked to others and interacted with the world around me.

i realized this before, but seeing some of my art and posts from years ago just really solidified to me the idea that... some things i drew back then were really not the greatest! Not talking about memes, I’ve always been a very blunt/crass artist. But im talking mostly about the times i was into hiveswap. I dont want to be dismissive to the people who brought up legitimate concerns, some even going to the extent to make an unsourced callout accusing me of pedophilia because of some of my art content.

fictional characters in media have always been something my brain loves to latch on to, and especially during 2017/2018 i really didnt have any boundries with the shit i wanted to draw with certain characters, regardless of their ages or not. ive never been attracted to kids and i certainly am not now or ever will be LMAO but it was really hard for me to make the distinction with these fictional characters when i would make art of xefros and dammek. i latched on REAL hard to them and wanted to make art of them that was relatable to me!

even now i still adore them, but i understand more that its up to me as an adult to keep those boundaries in place (with ANYTHING i draw really). keeping in mind that , yes they are fictional characters, and it really isnt a big deal in the grand scheme of things that i like them so much, but theres a point where it stops becoming “im attracted to these characters so much i wanna draw them all the time bc i relate to them and their stories/i love their designs” and turns into “im sexually and romantically attracted to these characters specifically BECAUSE theyre underage”

i have gone back and deleted shit that weirded me out from 2017/2018 but. i really just wanted to say something about it. i do sincerely apologize if i ever came across as creepy with my interest in these characters, but it was never meant to be so. my fucked up sense of humor is usually the best with adult characters and adult stories, and most of it was really supposed to be ironic. the irony of that however, is that because of how ironic i was shooting for with my art, most people didnt quite get it! which in turn makes it a bad joke and a failure on my part.

I didnt want to get into any of the actual reasons why i was the way i was a few years ago, because i never latched onto underage characters so hard before this??? but i think part of it had to do with my own personal trauma i was working through and just . homestucks weird thing about writing their kids like adults lmao. big circle heads and small bodies just always confused me, especially when theyd draw adult characters like that. at 17/18/19 i really did not feel like a 17/18/19 year old due to how .... fucked up i was mentally. I dont think I officially matured mentally until I turned 21. Thats mostly because of the deep psychological trauma i dealt with at very early ages and for most of my childhood, but thats a story for another time. to anyone whos actually reading this, thanks? and thats about it.

[spaceysp]

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY 

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy 

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely) 

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues 

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns* 

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal) 

n u m b e r f o u r 

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other) 

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF) 

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

[prorevenge]

My hippie math teacher was real garbage.

So some background: as a kid, I’ve always been pretty good at math. It was always my best subject, I’d catch onto concepts easily, but I hated it. Not because math was hard or anything, but because no matter how much I hoped, my math teacher would always be the type that would be like “Use the formula I gave you or it’s wrong.” Now, see, my mind works in what others call “a super weird way.” Every time I was taught a new concept in math, I wouldn’t use the formula that the teacher gave us because I’d have a hard time remembering it and I thought it was too time consuming and expanded. Instead, I’d come up with a more efficient, step skipping formula that worked just as well.

Other students would ask me how I do the math so fast, and when I shared the formula with them, they found it much easier and did it just as fast.

So rewind to 7th grade. I was like, 12 or something at the time. I had finally got a good teacher that allowed freedom for multiple formulas because “math is math.” We had her for about a few months, and I really liked her teaching. She got into a freak car accident and took her leave, and from what other staff members told me, she was “lucky to even survive.” I never knew how bad the crash really was, but from what I was told, she cheated death. Staff said she was supposed to come back in a few months, and until then, we would have a long-term substitute.

Before I knew about the accident, I walk to class over in the way corner of my school. At the time, I remember having a class right before that was on the opposite corner of school, so I’d often be late if I walked too slow. So, I turn the corner of the building and notice there’s no students waiting outside, meaning the teacher had already opened the door. Unusual, but I checked the time, and I was earlier than normal. So, I knocked on the door. I waited and waited for someone to open the door, because usually it’s the nearest student to the door who opens it. I knock. And knock. It’s about a few minutes of constant knocking until someone opens the door, but he’s looming above me.

When I look up, it’s a new teacher, long hair and a beard, kind of looks like Jesus. Yes, he was a hipster. He opened the door right after the late bell and said “you’re late.” I explained to him I had been knocking the past few minutes and nobody answered the door, to which he responds “That’s because I told them not to. You should have been here when I opened the door to begin with.” I wanted to explain I had a far away class and I couldn’t be considered late since the late bell didn’t ring, but he didn’t take any of it. I had to go to detention that day.

So, let’s call this teacher Mr. Hippie for convenience. I sat next to my friend, lets nick him Bro, and ask what’s the deal with this guy. Bro tells me that I’ve already made a bad impression, told him to elaborate, to which he explains the whole accident long term sub thing.

So to summarize the first part of his teaching, he didn’t actually teach us anything. Instead, we did completely pointless activities that have nothing to do with math. One of these activities was a class game where we had to tell each other a list of jokes and whoever got the most laughs got the most points and won the game.

So we read these jokes that we’ve been given, and it’s a list of inappropriate jokes. They were all pretty racist, sexist, etc which we already knew he was extremely prejudiced based on his everyday, passing language towards us (some include “girls have good handwriting because they waste their time practicing their letters” and “the only guys that climb mount everest are white dudes because they’re the dumbest people out there” and “girls wouldn’t get raped if they just stop overestimating their strength” whatever that one even means). I can’t think of all the jokes off the top of my head, but here’s some I remember:

Why are religious Jamaicans obese? Because at church they chant “Praise the Lard.” What’s Miley Cyrus’ favorite food? Roast twerky. Why can’t the Kardashian’s swim? Because they have more plastic in their butts than in the whole ocean.

I objected against playing this stupid game because of all the offensive jokes in it, some of which I related to and was offended by. He sent me out of class that day. Bro got sent out eventually as well, because instead of using the offensive jokes, he said a stupid knock knock joke that made the class laugh out of pure stupidity. “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Pizza delivery guy. I burned your pizza because it had pineapple on it. Bad move, cuz.”

At some point when we actually started learning math, Hippie was a douche, He did the same old same old docking me points for not using his formula thing. We were doing white board problems, to which he forced me to do the most complex ones. When I did them correctly and showed my work, he’d think I was wrong until he checked his calculator. Bad move. So, instead, he erases my work off the board in front of literally the whole class, and says to me dead in the eye: “You didn’t show your work.” So, I said, “Alright, I’ll show my work.” So I did. Again. And he erased it. By that point, I was fed up with his bull, so I just left it at that.

When we took tests, we would grade the papers as a class. He would tell us the answers, to which he’d screw up on middle school level questions. Every time I got a different answer, I would ask him to do it on the board, and that would prove he was wrong and I was right. He hated me more for asking questions.

Every time I “technically” got a question wrong, he would call me an idiot, slow, stupid, etc. etc. and even passed a few “maybe if you were a guy you’d be more useful.” I tried telling this to the teachers, but they weren’t having it. I tried waiting until he would finally leave, but info came out that our teacher wasn’t coming back, so we’d have him even longer. So naturally, I did some digging.

Bro and I searched his full name up online and found an admittedly hidden link to his Instagram account, which I won’t leak, but it was golden. He posed himself literally as Jesus, with several sexual and racial posts and memes. He had solid evidence of smoking weed and vaping off campus too, and it looked like he was also becoming the path to an antivaxxer at some point. Some posts included things like “You can’t cure cancer, yet you take away our medicine?” Followed by a picture of weed or something of that sort.

Though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted him fired for, I brought it up with the counselor. She said they’d look into it. While it was followed up by several other students, I was walking home one day when I saw Hippie with a big bag of what looked like posters as he threw it in his trunk and drove off. We came back one day to a brand new, female teacher. Posters that Hippie put up were gone, just like the ones he threw in his trunk the other day. She explained to us the old teacher had been fired for suspicious online activities, and will likely have a hard time ever getting a new job. Since then, the Hippie’s name had been removed from the account, but it’s still up and running by him.

We had that new teacher for the rest of the school year, which wasn’t exactly long, but she did teach us math and threw us a big party on the last day of school, though she still didn’t approve of alternate formulas. Sorry this was quite a long one, fellas, but I thought it was worth sharing.

TL;DR: Got a math teacher fired for his inappropriate Insta after he made sexual jokes and racial slurs and straight up insulted me for months.

(source) story by (/u/TheAcidicFire)

[loststormtrooper]

Ive been slowly reading the Splinter Cell books and im almost finished the third one and I have complaints

Spoiler warning I guess for books that are over 10 years old if anyone cares about them.

So the first book was great. They got one of the bond writers to do it and it was so good. Splinter Cells identities have been leaked and Sam Fishers life is at stake throughout the whole thing because for the first time ever, the enemy know who he is. His chapters are in first person which makes everything feel so much more personal. All the other chapters following other characters are in third which gives this nice cutscene kind of feeling that games have when they show something your character wouldnt know. Its a book series based on a game, it just felt right. Sam's daughter gets kidnapped because The Shop (big bad weappns company) wants to stop Third Echelon from getting in the way of their sales and Sam is the one who is trying to stop them and stop them from doing deals with The Shadows which are trying to get the US out of the middle east so their country can take over another. Fisher ends up disrupting these deals and saves his daughter. But like, how it goes is so well. Sams daughter gets invited overseas with her friend and they both ger drugged and kidnapped by someone they thought was their friend! The stakes are high af because they killed off the friend and are going to kill Sams daughter and him if he cant stop all this stuff from happening. And theres the whole war nuclear weapon deals going on that he also has to stop. So good.

Anna Grimsdotir isnt present in this book because they need wiggle room for the next book and shes replaced with Carly who is also an analyst. Theres this nice tight nit friendship between Sams team at Third Echelon with Lambert, Carly, Sam, and and Mike that sets things up for the next book. Also Sams Grav Maga teacher, they flirt a bit, nice side story which leads into the next book. Pretty much everything leads into the next book because even though Sam defeated The Shadows, The Shop is still a major weapons dealer and have the identities of other Splinter Cells and needs to be stopped.

So next book, Operation Barracuda. Sam and his team need to find out who leaked the Splinter Cells information and stop The Shop. Uh oh! It was Mike and he had to kill Carly IN THE THIRD ECHELON OFFICE because she was about to figure out it was him and he escapes and the Triad offer to get him out of the country, he just has to get to the right place and theyll fly him out. Good setup for these cat and mouse chapters where and FBI agent is trying to keep up with Mike. Also Mike was actually planted in Third Echelon years ago and he and his brother have deals with the Triad to sell stuff which The Shop does t like because theure supposed to sell things to them and then they sell to the Triad.

All of these bad guys have one goal though. Theyre dealing with a rogue chinese general that wants to invade Hong Kong. So theres all this infighting and build up to when people, even the bad guys, start to figure more stuff about the other groups. The Triad, being in Hong Kong, dont want to be invaded, but the deals theyve done with bad guy general have provided him with a nuckear submarine that he threatens to detonate on the US coast unless they withdraw from Taiwan.

During all of this that krav maga teacher and Sam have had a few dates and are at Sams place. But when they are walking down the street she is gunned down and Sam is forced to leave her dead body on the street with people around because he cant risk being having anyone looking into who he is, even local police and government because he is in a secret agency. Amazing side story. It's a lot like the side stuff with his daughter in the first book, it gives him more motive outside of it just being a job, these people have killed 2 of his friends, one of which he was really into.

Back to bad guy stuff. FBI guy gets killed by Mikes brother after he goes into a shady place to arrest him. The triad are already there and hes just dead now. But he did arrest Mike so they got info from him which leads same to the Triad. In a pretty cool turn of events the general invades but theres no one to stop him! Oh wait! The Triad takes arms and fights off his army and its rad. Sam had gone into that shady building (just remembered its a night club) and gave them information about the generals attack and then left. It was a different chapter because he wasnt being stealthy, he just walked in and demanded to speak to people and it worked. When all this general vs Triad stuff is happening, Sam is dealing with The Shop. The general is defeated, the leak for the Splinter Cell information is in custody, and The Shop is finally shut down!

Next book... set before the first and has a new writer. All of it is in third person and it doesnt feel like the first for obvious reasons. Theres a handful of spelling errors spread throughout which really take you out of it because now youre thinking about this spelling error.

Starts with Sam having to sneak onto a ship thats going to crash onto the US coast and its packed with radioactive material or bombs? It wasnt clear to me. But he stops it and gets out. Its a pretty one track story whereas the other two books had a handful of stuff going on and it all worked neatly. Third Echelon need to know where the nuclear stuff came from to know who did it. He sneaks back on the ship which is under quarantine and takes a sample or something? There was something about having to get engine manufactuing codes to find out where the ship had done repairs and see where it came from but that branching plot just ends later in the book when Lambert says that his analysts found out where it was from. Sam need to find out where nuclear stuff came from. For reasons i cant remember because nothing in this book is worth remembering half the time, Sam has to go to Chernobyl to collect radiated material to see if they match. Thats not the unmemorable part, how they decided to go there to find it specifically is. Anyway, its a match and they figure out who did it and why by knowing who made the ship and how they got the nuclear material. The whole Chernobyl bit could have been better. It didnt feel like anything was at stake. And there was this awkward side story with a woman who helped him get into the dangerous areas unnoticed where theyd flirt and nothing would come of it and then theres nothing else about her ever again.

Then theres all this stuff of Sam infiltrating other places which leads him to another place which leads him to another place. Its very linear and theres a few chapters where he sneaks into a private island thats impossible to sneak onto but he does and it doesnt feel like anything is at stake. The whole book is about having to find out who did this one almost bombing and poisoned a whole towns water supply with radiated material, making it a wasteland, before the US declares war on the wrong nation for ot. But every time they get more information, they suddenly have more time and need to hurry, but then they do that and get more time but need to hurry! At one point they mention the president will declare war in 24 hours and im pretty sure its been like 4 days since then and nothing.

Also! Theres this terrible character cliche guy i hate. There's like 5 chapters spread out through the book where its this weird guy who is clearly the villain ( not bad guy or terrorist, hes just a bad villain) that talks all fancy and as if hes got this grand plan happening and keeps talking about chess and imagining chess moves after he gets new information. Its annoying and i hate him. Get a new character. It doesnt even have to be him, use one of the heads of the bad guy groups that are already established, god. I've got 6 chapters to go and Sam doesnt even know about that chess bad guy yet.

Tbh im considering skipping the next book because its the same writer and the Conviction books and Blacklist book are written by other people. It hasnt been release who i dont think though. Its all a pseudonym.

So i just finished Splinter Cell Checkmate. Its 2 days after i wrote that whole thing and it gets way better in the last 5 chapters. It was much more fast paced and actiony. The rest of the book was slow and not that interesting. There was a bit that brought back a character from earlier who was shot in the head but the bullet hit ar a weird angle and he was left to die. Sam found him and theres this nice calm part of the chapter of Sam trying to get him out without making his wound worse but he wasnt fast enough and he dies. Then Sam finally gets the location of the annoying chess bad guy with some information from now dead guy. It literally ended with Sam saying "...checkmate " to him which fealt really forced... they never met until now and Sam onlt mentioned chess once in the whole book besides that. I think he played it with a friend for a paragraph while they chatted. Epilogue was ok too. The woman who helped him into Chernobyl was in a wax museume and Sam rocks up with a passport for her to get out and fly back to the US with him. Was weird. They flirted maybe twice halfway through the book and then he rocks up with that. She didnt even know his name until the epilogue because he used an alias.

Anyway, first two books are great, third was super slow but ended ok.

[hovercraft79]

Winter Song

Ch 32 It’s a Beautiful Day

Chapters: 32/31 Word Count: 1,336 Fandom: The Worst Witch (TV 2017) Rating: Teen Warnings: None Summary: It’s New Year’s Eve Day and Pippa can’t wait to start her day – and her year – with Hiccup. She just hopes Hecate feels the same way.

Notes: I still have about 4 more prompts to do. They’re coming just as fast as I can. 

U2’s song, of course. It’s seems a perfect start for a new year.

 Happy New Year’s All – especially to @cassiopeiasara for putting this thing together. Thank you so much for this opportunity!

Sparky’s back!!! But she slept in and so this is wild and free from her discipline.

This is actually part 2 of the NYE prompt. The two parts will be properly joined together when it gets moved to AO3.

Pippa eased her bedroom door open, slowly tilting her head around and sneaking a peek at Hecate. For a heart-jarring moment, she thought that Hecate had gone. Ignoring the twinge in her ankle, Pippa lurched towards the enlarged sofa, stopping short when she heard a soft snort. Pippa edged closer, the corner of her mouth lifting as she took in the sight before her.

Despite what most people thought, Hecate was not an ‘early to bed, early to rise’ sort of witch. No. Sleep had always been difficult for Hecate, whether it was due to anxiety, nightmares, or her own restless magic constantly humming beneath her skin. But when sleep did come for Hecate, it came hard.

Left to her own devices, Pippa knew that Hecate would be entirely nocturnal. Even as a girl, Hecate had been a creature of the moon and stars far more than she had ever been a creature of the sun.

She also, though Pippa knew she would deny it, took any opportunity for a lie-in very seriously. Hecate was serious about a great many things but sleep most of all. This morning, Hecate had burrowed so far into Pippa’s sofa that she had all but disappeared. Only a tiny tip of Hecate’s braid peeped out from under the pillow. 

Pippa grinned as warmth flooded her chest. This, at least, was old, familiar territory. She loosed a thin stream of magic into the fireplace, setting it to crackling once again, and tiptoed into her kitchen. Compact but functional, Pippa’s kitchen had everything she needed to prepare even elaborate meals. It more than sufficed for what she needed this morning.

Humming softly, Pippa set to work, readying the tea set for later, but first brewing up a strong pot of coffee. She’d shopped earlier, as soon as Hecate had agreed to come for New Year’s, and she was well-stocked on pastries, fruits and compotes, as well as fresh yoghurt. With a flick of her hand, Pippa heated the oven. A second flick summoned a baking sheet and a ham and cheese quiche. Once, that was heating, Pippa arranged everything else on a tray and crept back into the living room, setting the tray on her coffee table as quietly as possible.

A moment later and Pippa was on her knees at the end of her sofa, holding a steaming cup of coffee near where she guessed Hecate’s head would be. “Hiccup? I’ve brought coffee. And breakfast.” Gingerly, Pippa touched what she hoped was Hecate’s back and started rubbing gently. “It’s a beautiful day, Hiccup. I know you don’t want to miss any of it.” She stilled her hand when she felt Hecate take a deep breath, but she didn’t take it away. “That’s it, darling. Coffee’s waiting.” She waved the mug a bit so the aroma would waft around more before setting it on the coffee table with the rest of breakfast. “Come on, Hiccup, let me see those beautiful brown eyes of yours.” The blankets stirred, albeit slightly. “Good girl.” She started rubbing Hecate’s back again, using a little more pressure. The fact that she could have been doing this for the last thirty years gnawed at a dark corner of her brain, but she refused to give it any purchase. Instead, she focused on the possibility of doing this for the next thirty years.

The timer dinged from the kitchen. “I’ll be right back, darling.” Pippa rushed to pull the quiche from the oven. When she returned a few minutes later, a very disheveled Hecate was sitting up, blinking slowly as she looked around the room. “There’s my girl,” Pippa said, warmly. She set the quiche on the tray and handed Hecate the coffee. “I wasn’t sure how you take it, I only know how you like your tea.”

“Black.” Hecate reached for the mug, holding it against her chest and breathing in the aroma. “Caffeine. Pure.”

Pippa giggled and brushed a strand of hair from Hecate’s forehead. She knew Hecate was still more asleep than awake when she didn’t stiffen in the slightest. “Well, then I made it just right, didn’t I?” She pulled the pale pink woven blanket off the end of the sofa and tucked it around Hecate. “There. We don’t want you getting a chill, do we?” She watched Hecate as she finally took a sip of her coffee.

“Did you do all of this?” Hecate nodded at the breakfast tray. “You didn’t need to go to all of this trouble.” She set her mug down on the coffee table. “I really should be getting back to Cackle’s. I’ve taken up enou—”

“Stop. Please, don’t do that, Hiccup.” Pippa fussed with the blanket. “Yes. I did all of this. For you. For us. I have the privilege of spending the first day of the new year with my very favorite person.” She watched the worry in Hecate’s eyes shift slowly into disbelief then amazement. Finally, she saw the barest dip of Hecate’s chin. “Now, stop trying to cut it short and hand me a plate before the quiche gets cold.”

“We’re witches, Pipsqueak. We can heat it up again.” She ran her eyes up and down the pink flannel pajamas. Tiny donuts were printed all over. “Nice pajamas.”

“That we can, Hiccup. And thank you. Your purple ones are nice, too.” Crisis of faith averted, Pippa sliced into the quiche, serving it up with a lemon poppyseed muffin and a dollop of yoghurt. “Here you go. Nothing too sweet.” They ate in companionable silence for a while, listening to the crackling fire. “Do you have anything special you do on New Year’s Day, Hiccup?” Pippa asked at last. She realized again how much of one another’s lives they’d missed. Was she keeping Hecate from something important to her? “I guess I should have asked that before I bullied you into staying.”

The fork paused halfway to Hecate’s mouth then slowly lowered back to the plate. “I usually spend the day reading or organizing my cupboards. I might have tea with Ada if she hasn’t any other plans.” She took a steadying breath before continuing. “I could hardly call it bullying if the thing you want me to do is something I want to do as well.” Hecate smiled and looked down quickly, studying her slice of quiche intently before taking another bite.

Pippa was smiling too hard to eat. Or drink her coffee. Or do much of anything except enjoy the fact that Hecate wanted to be here. With her. Finally, she shook herself out of her happy haze. “I wonder then, Hiccup, if you’d care to take part in one of my favorite New Year’s Day traditions?”

“Certainly… Is it a chant or a ritual?”

“Oh, no, Hiccup… nothing like that.” She cocked her head to the side, thinking about it. “Well… maybe it is a bit of a ritual.” She held her hand out and summoned the remote control for her television. “Have you ever seen the Rose Parade? It’s in California, in America.”

“I know where California is, Pip. And no, why would I have seen an Ordinary parade?”

“The Ordinaries may do it, Hiccup, but it’s far from ordinary. Every float must be completely covered in plant material. You’ll love it.” Pippa held up the remote, enticingly. “What do you say?”

Hecate shook her head indulgently. “Very well, Pipsqueak. Let’s see if these Ordinaries even know the proper names for the plants.”

Pippa clicked through the menu, watching Hecate out of the corner of her eye as she followed her every move. Did Hecate even have a television? “Here we go.” She tossed the remote down on the sofa and leaned back, summoning her tea again.

Before Pippa could settle in, Hecate cleared her throat and lifted the edge of her blanket. “We’d wouldn’t want you to get a chill, either, would we?”

“We certainly wouldn’t,” she said, scooting towards Hecate and under the blanket. “We wouldn’t want that at all.”

[jackandmarksavedme88]

Dark Lemonade

@ashphoenix06 @honestlyitsjustkennaswriting @emma-wrote @goldenoceanarps @weirdmixofweirdness

TW: Some violence, also gets a liiiiittle dirty(but the super nsfw parts have been cut out for tumblr sake 😂😂)

Mark.....are we ever going to stop driving?"

"Well. You said isolated. His place is as isolated as i could think of"

Alison studied Mark as he drove, glancing behind them where Amy was driving Alison's car every so often

"And youre sure Dark isnt going to be too...put out?"

Mark chuckled 'That asshole is always put out. Part of his charm you could say"

As he drove he thought of the conversation hed had with the ego the week before

******

"Why here Mark? Why does she need to stay here? I dont even know her"

Mark looked at Darkiplier as his aura slightly crackled around him

"I told you. Her ex has been stalking her, she needs somewhere to stay while her dad is off the ranch. She doesnt need to be alone on that huge place. Amy and i are going out of town. Now get over it. Shes staying"

"So get the police to babysit her. Why should *I* have to" the ego scowled, clearly not giving a shit what would happen to this girl

"Look Dark im not having anything happen to her because you want to be a pretentious ass. Its not like you use all of the five rooms here."

"You and Amy talk as if shes your child. Shes a grown woman"

"Yes. And her ex is an even bigger grown man that is unhinged and wants to do very bad things to her. Shes staying here."

Darkiier glared as his creator, his aura lashing tendrils out every so often as his temper rose. But he knew there was no arguing.

"Fine. But she better stay out of my way"

*********

Mark pulled to a stop in front of the big house in the woods. Alison gaped at the sight of the beautifully crafted home and the big lake behind it

"Holy. Shit.'

Mark laughed out loud "yeah. Good taste huh?"

Alison climbed out of the car and stretched her arms out, her shirt falling off her shoulder a bit, revealing a faded scar. She grabbed what she had in Mark's car and joined him and Amy to walked up the front steps and inside

"Hello?"

"Well come in, dont just stand there" Dark said.

He watched Mark and Amy come in as he walked down the stairs and stopped as Alison stepped through the door

He took her in. Reddish brown hair, green eyes, short, not skinny but not what hed call fat. She looked around nervously and then locked eyes with her host for the next couple of weeks.

"Um...hi. Im Alison Calaway" she reached out a hand to shake his as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Its nice to meet you Dark...thank you for letting me be here"

Dark took her hand and felt almost a buzz, aside from his own aura, go through him

"Yes. Mark has told me about you. Glad i could...assist"

Amy looked at her watch "oh. We gotta go if we are going to get to bed and get on the road in the morning.... Alison are you sure youre ok?" She wasnt too sure about leaving her here with HIM all that time

"Amy Ill be fine. Yall go"

She hugged and kissed both Mark and Amy on the cheeks and watched as they climbed in Marks car and drove away.

"So...are you hungry?" Alison jumped as Dark spoke closer to her ear than she thought hed be

"Oh. Um. No. Actually. Im good. I could go for some hot tea though.

"Ah. Perfect. Come with me to the kitchen"

The ego led the way as she tried to figure out this vibe she was getting. Like he reallllly didnt want her there, but was also curious about her.... He was pretty easy on the eyes though so she figured she'd survive

She sat down at the bar as he boiled the water

"So. When you said Mark talked about me....how much did he tell you?" Alison inquired, not sure what to say

"He told me of the ex-boyfriend and why you needed somewhere to stay..... May i ask how it got to that point? If thats not too forward?"

He turned to see her absentmindedly running her fingers over a scar along her collar bone

"Well.. I was with him two years. He didnt like me having friends other than him. Didnt like when i went on the road with my Dad's company and wrestled house shows.."

Darkiplier looked at her "wait...wrestling ?"

Alison ducked her head and laughed

"heh...yeah.... Long story. Dad is practically royalty in the business and i did it for a while. ..but Shane didnt like that. Mostly because i hung out with the guys and trained with them.... So for the sake of the relationship i stayed home. Then he got to where he hated me talking to Mark, Jack...Anyone really. Long story short he attacked me a few times....the last time he almost killed me..... Chase and Jackie saved my life. They had been on the way over to get me and heard me scream. Broke in..... I had to get a lot of stitches that night. And he didnt like being told no. He took off while they were helping me. Cops have been looking for him, hes been sending me letters, showing up at places where im at. But he always takes off when i see him..... Hes gotten bolder and my parents and Mark and everyone didnt want me left alone. So here i am"

Dark studied her for a moment. He could read that she had strength. But she was broken. He couldn't understand why but he felt a tug of protectiveness in his chest at the thought of that asshole trying to track her here... At least those idiotic Septic Egos had done something right. Though letting him get away was pathetic

"Well. Dont worry. If he tries to darken my doorstep, he will surely get more than he bargined for i can assure you"

He brought two mugs over and poured the water over the tea bags. They sat and talked for hours like theyd known each other forever

****************

The next night Alison laid in her bed. It was about 12 am. Shed walked by the lake all morning, theyd gone into town and grabbed lunch and when they came home she had talked with Dark about different interests most of the night. She felt oddly at home here. Suddenly her phone rings

"Now who the hell would be calling me?.."

She hit the answer button, not recognizing the number

"Hello?"

"Aliiisoon.... Now why would you go walking around with some goth reject looking...thing where everyone could see?"

She sat bolt upright in bed, all blood draining from her face... Shane

"What the hell....how did you...?"

"Now now alleycat dont worry about how. You know you're mine. Ill always find you. Now answer me"

"Theres nothing to fucking answer Shane. Leave me alone." She scrambled out of bed and down the stairs, checking the locks.

"Ohhh alison. You cant actually think im going to leave you alone. I marked you. Youre mine... Nice house youre in though. Lots of property

She stood in the glow of the moon through the front window, shaking "shane. What do you want. Why are you doing this?"

"Because. I want whats mine"

"Im not yours! I never will be, leave me al-"

The phone was snatched from her hand. Darks aura crackling and whipping around them both, scaring her and amazing her at the same time.

"Look. Either turn yourself in or go die. Your choice..... In fact i will gladly help with one of those options. But you will leave her be Shane"

And with that he threw the phone down and crushed it

She turned and stared at him, in awe of the power oozing from him, shaking from adrenaline.

The aura calmed some as he stepped toward her and ran a finger over her collarbone and shoulders. Tracing the scars that were exposed by the sleeveless sleep shirt she wore. He looked in her eyes brimming with tears and had the sudden urge to hug her and an even stronger NEED to protect her...so he pulled her in. She buried her face in his chest and cried. Feeling helpless and grateful at the same time. The tendrils ran over her back as he held the back of her head with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.

Finally she stepped back. Wiping her face. "Dark....im sorry. You must think im a completely useless creature... Im just so tired of being his prey"

He studied her face for a moment, then spoke, his voice low, commanding attention as he did

"Youre not his prey anymore. And while i think many of those around me are useless....youre different. And damned if i know why.."

Alison looked at him, curious, but not pushing the matter.

"I dont think ill sleep much." She was mad and scared and exhausted. But she knew what her dreams would hold

Dark put his hand on her shoulder "Well. Im just doing some paper work in my office, i could....put a pillow and blankets on the couch in there for you. You could rest while i work...perhaps that way youd feel more at ease"

Alison smiled at him, grateful for his kindness. "Ok. Yeah, maybe....if i wont be bothering you of course"

He chuckled softly "not at all dear. Come"

****

Alison watched him work thru half shut eyes. This was the big bad guy everyone spoke of...to her he didnt seem so bad. Intense for sure but....there was just something about him. The quiet way he held himself, he could walk in any room and demand attention without even trying.

"You know. Its not polite to stare at people while they work ali"

She smiled sleepily "sorry. Just thinking"

The ego cocked an eyebrow. "About?"

"Well.." She sat up from her makeshift bed hed made, one strap falling off her shoulder, exposing more of her skin, Dark suddenly felt tense, but tried to ignore it

"I mean. You're supposed to be.. Horrible. A bad guy....and yet.... I feel as if we are old friends having only known you a few days ... I trust you. Though everyone has said not to.... Im supposed to be scared of you and thats just not the case" she said

He smiled gently "Well. When you're on my good side, thats what you get. But most never see that side, only a lucky few

'And why am i one of the lucky ones? " Alison asked

Dark motioned for her to come to him 'Come here....." She got up and stepped across the room, sitting on the corner of his desk as he stood up.

"If im being honest i have no idea why i feel the way i do around you. You seem to make everything....quiet. Calm. I can think clearly for some reason.... I cant quite figure you out Alison"

He was standing directly in front of her now.

She smiled up at him "heh. Good luck with that"

The blackness grew slightly and played around the edge of her face as he stared directly into her eyes "oh don't worry princess. Ill figure you out. I always get what i want"

Alison threw her head back and laughed "hmm. With me you wont.....but like i said. Have fun with that" she went to stand and he blocked her, moving very close to her. "I rather like the effect you have...stay a moment longer?"

He rested his hand on her knee and closed his eyes. Reveling in the slience that filled him. She didnt know what to say...but staring at him with his head leaned back, hair in his face she couldn't help but feel the calm as well. She reached up and brushed the har from his eyes, fingers trailing his cheek. His hand caught hers and held it to his face as he leaned into it.

Alisons heart sped up. Dark could hear it as her cheeks flushed an adorable red. He looked at her intently suddenly not in control of his actions he put his hand to her face and pulled her to him, softly bringing their lips together

She was suprised by his actions. But more suprised at the fact that she trusted him. She leaned into the kiss, grabbed the front of his jacket .

They both were startled by the crash in the front hall. Alison jumped off the desk and took off out the door before he could stop her. Dark shook his head

"That stupid girl...."

But then he heard her yelp.... His aura crackled to life as he rushed out to the front door which was wide open. The window next to it was smashed. Alison was nowhere to be seen

"Ali?? Where the hell are you?" He shouted angrily.

He heard scuffling outside. Curses came flying out of alisons mouth. The Egos eyes darkened as he ran outside and saw her on the ground under her attacker, fighting like a wildcat. He stomped down the steps and across the grass quickly, grabbing him by the back of the neck and neatly tossing him into the side of her car.

He helped Alison up and studied her quickly. Busted lip, scratches on her arms... His anger boiled over and the dark aura he carried around seemed to grow even blacker. In short. He was pissed.

"You stupid asshole. You think you can have her?" The voice came from behind him. Dark turned and stared down Shane.

"You cant. Shes mine and she will always be mine. I dont care what you or any of your other ego friends have to say. Spandex boy and Brody couldn't stop me...what makes you think...

He trailed off as he became accutely aware of the silence that enveloped him. The anger rolling off the Ego in the form of his aura suddenly making him regret coming here

Dark spun on him, grabbing his neck and shoving him against the car. His voice came out as more of a growl

"You listen to me you insignificant toad. I dont know who the HELL you think you are, or what you *think* youre going to accomplish. But taking "ownership" of Alison Calaway isnt it. People say im a bad person. Theyve never seen me be protective of someone, so trust me when i tell you the truth can be SO much worse than youve heard. I will give you a choice. You may turn around and walk out of here, never contacting or even THINKING of that woman again. Or...

He tightened his grip on Shanes throat cutting off his air as the mans bladder let go

"Or my dear boy. I can show you what demonic really means.... Its your choice"

Shane struggled to speak 'o-okay' he whispered

"What's that? I cant hear you" Dark said. Enjoying the terror in the mans eyes

"Okay! Ill go. Ill go. Just please...dont kill me"

Dark dropped him to the ground, the black aura rolling around him, trying to contain himself. Shane scrambled to get to his car

"Ah ah" Dark said. The choice was to WALK away"

He held the keys hes taken from Shanes pocket up, jingling them and smiled evily.

"Th-thats at least ten miles through the woods! Are you insane??"

Darks eyes narrowed "guess you better get started....and hope the wolves arent especially hungry tonight.. Leave"

His aura shot out, eyes flaring. Shane pissed himself again and took off running into the night

Dark's shoulders heaved up and down as he tried to control his breathing, his body shaking with the anger. Trying to keep himself from chasing the man down and ripping his head from his body

Alison approached from behind and touched his shoulder.

"Alison...im sorry you had to see me like that. I can normally control myself...."

She tugged him to turn around and he looked at her. Blood dried on the corner of her mouth, eyes shining with tears. She placed her hand on the side of his face and he noticed her knuckles were busted from fighting back. He leaned into her touch. Her closeness calming the storm raging in his mind...how had it come to this....when had she become his safe place?

Alison tried to control her emotions...she should be terrified right now, especially after that display. But all she wanted was to hold this man. And she didnt understand. She slid one hand behind his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him was less of a want and more of a gnawing need right now. He was suprised but wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. Savoring the taste of her mouth

Alison pulled back slightly, out of breath and Dark leaned his forehead to hers, closed his eyes and smiled. Neither spoke. After a moment she pulled away completely and tugged on his hand

"Cmon. Let's go inside"

They walked into the house. Not knowing what to say to each other.

A week passed. Neither spoke about that night. Not avoiding each other but avoiding the subject. Which annoyed Darkiplier greatly. When had he become..this? Not confronting something? He longed to reach out and brush the hair from her face, touch her some way. But he got the feeling she didnt want to be touched right now.

'Well why would she you fool. After everything that jackass did, did you think shed just fall in your arms and stay there?' He said aloud to himself as he toiled in his office.

His phone buzzed with a text. He checked it to see a message from Alison. After breaking her phone hed taken her to get a new one with a new number that very few people now had.

A: "Hey... You wanna go get some drinks tonight? Im getting tired of being couped up but i dont exactly want to venture out on my own. I know itd be a bit of a drive but.."

He pondered for a moment. He could easily say no. That there was liquor here...but he knew it wasnt about the drinks for Alison. He could tell she was itching to get out. To move somewhere other than the house or the lake. She was becoming a bit like a caged tiger.

D: "Sure. Why not" ..... He had a feeling he might regret this.

****************

Darkiplier stood at the bottom of the stairs, ready to leave. He sighed. What was taking her?

'Ali. Are you coming or-"

The words are lost in his throat as she starts down the steps. Auburn hair gleaming, wearing a black and red dress that fit in all the right places and short heels.

She caught his eyes as she stepoed onto the floor and laughed "yeah. Lets go" Alison suddenly felt as if she were a piece of steak in the lions den and she didnt know why.

Dark just opened the front door for her without a word and motioned for her to go first. Trying to regain composure.

At the bar, they drank, Alison danced alone. She moved like a woman possessed. Dark just watched her intently, a feeling in his chest he couldn't quite describe. It had been a couple of hours when a man came up behind her, trying to dance too close and touch too much. Dark tensed as he saw her spin around and shove him away, then he walked over, catching the end of the trashy things he was saying to her

"Alison... Lets go"

Darkiplier didnt need to shout. Or ask her twice. She gratefully nodded her head, realxing now that she didnt feel cornered.

The whole way home she was quiet. Dozing, feeling the effects of the whiskey shed been downing all night.

When they arrived at the house she got out and walked in. She was barely through the door when Dark called to her. He stepped through the door behind her as she turned

He stared for a moment, then reached his hand out to touch her face...she flinched. She didnt mean to...it was just the thought if anyone touching her....of making her feel anything was anxiety inducing...but at the same time she wanted Dark's touch

His hand stopped mid air and his eyes darkened... He was... Sad? But angry at the same time

"I see..." He murmered. Then walked past her to his office and shut the door.

Alison stood there. Tears began to run down her face. "What the hell is happening to me" she whispered. She looked toward the office door. Wanting so badly to chase him. But tired of chasing things at the same time.

******

Darkiplier tried to focus on the computer in front of him. Itd been half an hour and hed gotten nothig done. "What the hell is wrong with you? Youre bitching and moaning after this *girl* you barely know. And for what? The feeling she gives you...pathetic" he spoke to himself condescendingly.

"You know. Speaking to yourself is the first sign of madness"

Alisons voice from the doorway made him jump. Not expecting her to be there.

"Can i come in?"

He studied her for a moment. "Yes. Of course, sit"

She walked into the room. Still in her dress but barefoot now. His breath hitched in his throat as she leaned back into the sofa and curled her legs under her,she sat the drink in her hand on the side table. He laughed. Another whiskey?

"Listen. Dark. Thank you for coming over when you did....that guy was..handsy"

He scoffed "Well. Did you think i was going to let him manhandle you? Though im sure you couldve handled it fine if need be. But i have this godforsaken need to protect you. And i still havent figured it out.."

"Dont protect me.... People that protect me get hurt...." She trailed off, thinking of Henrik stitching the cut in Chase's side after he fought with Shane that night. "Im not worth good people getting hurt"

Dark stood up and walked over to stand in front of her, then crouched so he was eye level. "Look. I told you. I think a lot of people are useless, but you arent one of them. You have this passion in you when you speak about people and things you care for. You want so badly to fight everything and feel nothing....and thats not possible. Trust me. Before you waltzed into this house i wouldnt have believed it. I was an asshole to anyone that looked at me sideways. I didnt need anything or anyone.... And then here are. Making me feel things. No my dear. Worthless is not something that should be used to describe you"

He placed a hand on her leg as he spoke, electricity running between them. She jumped but didnt flinch away this time. She stared into his eyes, taking in what hed said.

He cleared his throat and stood up "i believe this is where i tell you, im sorry if i scared you that night he came here. Im sorry if kissing you was out of line.." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand up "but i just couldnt help it..."

She smiled and then stared at the floor as she spoke 'you werent out of line.....unexpected maybe. But i kissed you the second time. So should i apologize for that?'

Darkiplier chuckled and put a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to his "No my dear. Never apologize for letting me taste you... Though you may need to apologize for depriving me "

With that he captured her mouth with his. Slowly as first, then more forcefully. Her hands tangled in his hair, him holding her against him. She pulled back to breathe and his lips went to her neck. 'Dark..." She said breathlessly

"Mmmm" the sound rumbled in his chest as he caressed her back and softly kissed her skin, savoring each taste. The he looked at her and smiled wickedly "you know. Coming down in that dress... Then dancing the way you did. That wasnt very nice of you. Looking like that....moving like that in public. I very nearly pinned you to the wall then and there" his eyes danced as he spoke. Running his hands down her hips and gripping her right at the lower back to pull her closer

She laughed and smiled back at him "well. Maybe i like to torture you. Make you beg for it"

He chuckled "hmm. Me? Beg? Not on your life princess, you couldnt make me actually beg"

She stepped away from him and put one hand on his chest and grinned "oh. Is that a *challenge* i hear? Go sit in your chair over there"

He cocked an eyebrow in her direction but complied, pulling the chair to the front of the desk and sitting. This should be interesting

She turned of the lights with the switch by the door. Then walked over to his computer which was behind him on the desk. She went to a music site and put a song on. One that Dark recognized from the club. One hed watched her move to, his heartbeat quicked as he remembered the sight.

She strolled around back to where shed sat her glass and downed it. Then walked to just out of his easy reach and began to move to the music. Body swaying to the beat. Eyes closed. A little drunk but in control and knowing what she was doing. The moonlight played along her body.

Darkiplier reached to touch her and she swatted his hand away.

"Oh no. Put your hands away....you cant touch unless you ask...beg for it." She said mischeviously. "Your hands cannot touch me. But i...oh i cant touch you"

She stepped closer, bending down, holding his knees as she did and bringing her body up in a way so that her face, then chest were right in front of his face. She turned and bent between his knees before coming back up slowly, grinding against him, his hands clenching. His aura crackling around them with his need. But he would not break. He couldnt. His pride wouldnt let him.

But then. Alison straddled him. Legs on either side and sat in his lap. Still moving her body to the beat of the music, leaning back as she moved her hips. This was dangerous territory. She wanted him to touch her. But she also wanted to hear him ask. Dark, to his benefit was trying to keep his composure, but the hardness beneath her was giving him away.

The music stopped and she sat. Still straddling him and put her arms over his shoulders. She grinned at him

"You gonna break?"

Dark laughed. This little minx. If she thought for one second that he was going to-

All thought flew from his brain as he felt her lips on his neck. Her hand tangled in the back of his hair. She ran her tongue along it and then along his lips. Kissing him lightly 'cmon baby. You know you want it. All you have to do is say it.... Let go of the control for once"

He reached to hold her and she caught each of his wrists and held them down "ah ah darky. Not until you ask nicely" she purred in his ear and she ground against him again. Torturing herself as much as she was him

'Alison.." It came out as a half moan, half warning.

She stood up and let go of his wrists and grinned. "Well. I guess ill just have to go to bed alone then."

As she turned she unzipped her dress and let it fall as she walked across the room. Darkipliers eyes almost came out of his head at the sight of her in her black bra and panties. Now this was just evil....

He crossed the room behind her and slammed the door before she could get to it. She turned to see him staring at her in a way that made her feel very much like a wounded animal in front of a panther. He rolled his head to either side with his eyes closed and then stared her down again, his arm over her shoulder against the door, trapping her there

"Now Alison. You have given me great needs. Id like it very much if youd stop torturing me like this'

A playful smile played over her face "but its fun to see you squirm darlin" she licked her lips.

He stared at her than went to his knees "Fine. Is this what you what? You want me to admit i need you? Well here. I absolutely need you. In many ways. Right now i need you to let me run my hands over you, to taste you, to caress every inch inside and out that i can reach Miss Calaway"

He again reach for her hips and this time she didnt stop him. His kissed her on either side, tongue lightly darting over her stomach. He stood and backed her into the wall. Now it was his turn. He grabbed her by the back of her head and roughly captured her mouth, one hand gripping her ass. He moved to her neck, nipping her as she moaned and held onto his shoulders, one hand gripping his head.

"You know im going to have to punish you for that little one" he growled in her ear before.lightly biting her shoulder. She gasped at the sensation

"Ye..yes"

"And you do not need to try that all the time....not that i dont enjoy you being a little forceful.... Are we clear?" He moved to the other side of her neck, pushing his waist to hers as he kissed

"Yes"

"Yes what kitten?" He stared into her eyes as he said this. Conveying a need for her trust. Then he kissed her deeply before allowing her to answer

"Ye-yes sir?"

That did it. His groaned and grabbed the back of both of her legs and picked her up, her lega going around his waist and slammed her against the door as he kissed her. His tongue and lips exploring her neck and chest as she closed her eyes and let the passion wash over her

************

Dark stroked her hair as she lay in his arms. They were in his bed. Having made their way up here and finally she fell asleep after one more time. He smiled. She looked innocent but was decidely not.

Her skin was warm against his. Breast pressed against the side of his chest. He studied her sleeping face. Had he really said it... After the last time. Did those words come from his mouth?

He had said he loved her and she had thrown her head back and begged him to say it again. And when he had, louder this time she collapsed into his arms and whispered it back to him.

Where the words came from he didnt know. But they seemed so natural. He kissed her face and heard birds chirping....it was 5am..looks like theyd nap most of the day. But that was perfectly fine.

His phone buzzed on the night stand. He reached with one arm and grabbed it. Seeing a message from Mark

M:hey. Alisons parents are headed back to their place. If you want her go go, she can.

Darkiplier lauged and shot a text back

D:No. I dont think i want her going anywhere. Im going to keep her a little longer ;)

M:......what did you do

D:Now ask yourself. Do you really want the honest answer to that question from me?

M:... No. You know what. Probably not. Ill stop by when we get back to town next week

D:ok. Be sure to call first. Make sure we're decent and all

M: yeah ok.....and please dont allude to that again...ever

Dark laughed and sat his phone back down. Then wrapped around alison and fell into a heavy sleep...the most peaceful hed known in his existence.

[sharedheadspace]

tin hat hawkes

or, the longass conspiracy theory that suggests that the government in our variation of the fallout world was out to get us, specifically. our deepest apologies if the readmore doesnt work

pinging @peace-love-mapley-syrup, salty come read a very depressing and paranoid multigenerational autobiography

fact: the us was occupying mexico in some capacity (even though the wiki says they werent. i lived there, i know what im talking about)

theory: it was largely through use of a subset of the army that the larger american public was kept unaware of. officers who had too many conduct violations or whatever to remain part of the ‘face’ of the us, with the soldiers underneath being mostly if not entirely comprised of locals forced into service

fact: this included children. like me, age six. on the younger end of those taken from whatever tinyass farm town i came from. i remained a soldier until i was sixteen, when i got caught on the edge of a mine explosion and nearly lost my leg (side note, this is where nina comes from. her memory of our life stops maybe two weeks before that happened)

after a recovery period that was laughably short and, looking back, was more focused on just ensuring i wasnt going to die than on preserving or restoring any functionality, i got transferred to the stateside army. trained as a mechanic just so i could have *some* usefulness now that i couldnt walk without at least a cane

question: why? i was nameless cannon fodder- literally, i didnt have a name for those ten years, ‘nina’ was my birth name in an entirely different world- and its not like there were no qualified mechanics in america desperate enough for steady work that theyd sell themselves off to the military. why not just let me die on the field. why save my leg instead of amputating it, giving me enough mobility to move independently but not so much that i can do so easily

theory: they saw the opportunity for a study on the effects of a persons identity being wholly centered on trauma from early childhood, and how such a person would interact with “normal” people

fact: i met maurevar there, then still going by his given name, icarus callahan. another soldier, said he came straight out of the foster system. a dead mother and an uncaring father. we stuck together, fell for each other, eventually deserted together. and if theres one thing the army hates, its deserters

question: why didnt they try harder to find us? they seemed to put in only minimal effort, considering how tight a leash the army liked to keep in every other situation

fact: nine years later, when the older twins were five, maurevar went into town on a routine supply run. he got caught up in the middle of a protest and arrested. that was the last i saw of him until postwar, when he turned up as a proto super mutant. after being arrested, he said, he was reinstated to his old position in the army, where he stayed until long after the bombs fell. in the 2070s, at least he had been stationed in alaska, overseeing new recruits (said he always felt like that was a deliberate punishment, being responsible for conditioning the young and desperate into the life he had tried so hard to leave behind)

question: why not give him a jail sentence, like nearly all other deserters? why get his old job back?

theory: by that point, they knew who we were. where we hiding. that there were at least two kids. the experiment changed to monitoring the effects of childhood trauma as it relates to becoming a parent/living with highly impressionable small children, with a side branch into adult ptsd and being forced back into the same traumatizing situation that first created it

fact: nine more years later, i was at rock bottom, between all my trauma, losing maurevar, and our wife growing ever more abusive as time went on. advertisements for the cit claimed to be able to improve mental stability and in some cases remove overly-stressful memories entirely. i bottled up my fear of medical settings, cities, crowds, social institutions in general, told the family i was going into town for a quick doctor visit, and you know the rest

theory: as per the recent development of the idea that ex-military and similar combat-trained individuals with few to no social ties were targeted for the brain scan experiments.. well, i was a deserter with 24 years of service to my name. i lived in the middle of nowhere with a wife who wanted me dead and four children still young enough to swallow any story properly fed to them. not exactly what theyd originally planned, but easy enough to work with. they took my memories and stored it for future use

fact: shortly after graduating high school, jasper was arrested for stealing food from his job at a local supermarket. he was given a choice between military service to clear his record or accepting a fine and jail time. where was he initially stationed? alaska. who was his c.o.? icarus callahan

theory: the overall experiment expanded to include studying the effects of children undergoing the same trauma as their parents. and for shits and giggles, to see how the two of them would interact, considering jasper had no idea who maurevar was

fact: after jasper was discharged, he, his younger siblings, and his wife moved into sanctuary hills. one neighboring house was home to an older couple, mr and mrs callahan. nothing about their home indicated they had ever raised a child (and this is in game, too! they even resemble maurevar!)

theory: maurevar was taken from them as a small child, or they were coerced into surrendering him. they were planted in sanctuary hills and told to keep an eye on jasper and the others, with the suggestion that if they kept up regular reports they could be told what happened to their lost son

fact: jasper, nora, and shaun were placed in vault 111. shaun was later kidnapped by the institute to provide the ‘pure’ (ie, not tainted by over a century of nuclear apocalypse) genetic material needed to create human-like synths. he eventually grew up to be ‘father’, the head of the institute and at least one gen3 experiment (synth!shaun, created as a child who could age and grow and have a more ‘normal’ childhood than he received, hanging the entire plan on jasper finding the institute, desiring the family the apocalypse had denied him, and adopting the child as his own. which he did. he did all of that)

theory: preservation of genetic material for the purposes of eventually creating synthetic humans was the point of the vault all along. the vault staff not receiving the promised release signal after twenty years, leading to them all dying in varying ways as their stockpile of supplies dwindled, was intentional. they were never meant to survive

furthermore, my being turned into a gen3 synth was deliberately because of my relation to jasper and to ‘father’. i was allowed to escape after waking up, because my bad leg meant that i couldnt travel far, my aversion to society meant that i was unlikely to join a caravan, and so i would be exactly the sort of person jasper would seek out and try to help (this took place after he was released, they would have known his habits by then)

where things may have gone from there, we cant know. the railroad kind of blew everything up

[thewidowstanton]

Dangerous Steve, outdoor showman, comedy actor, Sideshow Illusions performer

Dangerous Steve is the stage name of Steve Collison, who was born in King’s Lynn but grew up near the Buckinghamshire village of Middle Claydon. He had the most extraordinary childhood and started living up to his name by doing dangerous things at a ridiculously young age. He was billed – by agents such as Bernard Woolley, TB Phillips and Temple’s Gala agency – as ‘the World’s Youngest Motorcycle Stunt Rider’. As well as touring internationally as Dangerous Steve, he has also worked with Magic Carpet Theatre – where he is company manager – for 30 years. And he regularly performs with Jon Marshall’s Sideshow Illusions and Dr Phantasma’s Amazing Ten in One Show.

Steve is married to fellow Sideshow Illusions performer Alexandra Collison, who was my first Widow interviewee, under her maiden name of Boanas. Alex, who is a trained soprano and has an MA in performance, often plays Yvette – the Headless Lady, Miss Elastina and No-Middle Myrtle, as well as Romana the Gypsy Queen on the Ladder of Swords. They have two children, Flossie and Winnie, who are almost destined to follow in their parents’ showbusiness footsteps. Steve chats to Liz Arratoon.

The Widow Stanton: When and how did you start stunt riding? Dangerous Steve: My dad, Peter, was the butler at Claydon House stately home in Buckinghamshire. At Christmas when I was five, Sharon, my sister, was getting lots of presents and I almost started getting a bit teary because I noticed I wasn’t getting as many. Then I was taken into the other room where there was a big present. Somewhere I’m on Cine film; there’s me unwrapping a motorbike, and apparently I just stood there shaking for ages, which was very funny. I started off just riding round the estate for a while but dad wasn’t very impressed with me just haring around on a motorbike, he wanted me to do tricks and stuff like that.

As a child, to be brought up at Claydon House… I was the only one on the estate as my sister went away to boarding school as a dancer. Sometimes I just wanted to kick a football around with my friends; on the other hand I did go around the estate thinking how lucky I was and how amazing the views over the lake were on summer evenings. We used to live in the courtyard. There was a swimming pool and stuff like that, which Sir Ralph and Lady Verney never really used, so I had my own little swimming pool. They were like my grandparents. I’d go round there on Christmas day and open presents with them.

I joined The Spirit of Britain junior motorcycle display team, which was run by a guy called Gus Scott, who used to train Eddie Kidd. I was with them from when I was five years old to seven. They were based in Luton and I toured around with them, but because I had so much space at home and they could only meet twice a week, I started practising all the tricks alone. My dad was thinking, ‘Well, he can now do all these tricks himself’, so he started taking me to do all the galas and carnivals around the country to perform on my own. Your dad sounds amazing. What sort of dad would give his kid a motorbike? Did he want to be in showbusiness himself? Yes, he did. He was very different. He managed to get an Equity card and had done some extra work and been in shows doing whatever he was asked to do. I think people are now quite interested in butlers and stately homes. My mum was very proud of me but would only watch me once I could do the tricks without falling off. I hurt myself but I never broke any bones with the motorbike. My dad was very good at starting off with quite basic things and was very strict on making sure I did things the right way. How much fun was all this for a kid? It was very exciting. I couldn’t sleep the week before a show. We’d go away in a big lorry and it was like a holiday, apart from I used to have to map-read. Some of these country fairs are in the middle of nowhere and one wrong turn, you could end up backing the lorry two miles down the road in the way of tractors… I soon got very good at map-reading because otherwise I’d get into so much trouble. I was doing tricks jumping over fire and through fire at seven or eight. Dad was very good at building props and made a tunnel of fire. Once we’d got the frame with all the fire straw in the middle of the park – we’d found a field without any sheep on it – I remember saying to him just before we lit it, ‘Dad, when we light the fire, what if I don’t want to do it?’, and he said: “You will do it. Now I’ve built it, you’ll do it.”

Once they were built, there was no going back and I’d practise and practise and practise. As I got older, people expected more from me, so the ability went up with my age; bigger jumps, bigger fire, pyrotechnics… because it was only me, whereas some of the bigger army display teams, like the White Helmets, would fill the stage. I had a load of publicity when I was awarded The Star newspaper Best in Britain award, presented by David Essex. I was sponsored by National, the petrol firm who used Smurfs to promote their brand. Sharon joined the act. Later she became a dancer and choreographer and now runs Claydons Academy, teaching dance and drama, but then she was a Smurf! Were you paid appearance fees? Yes. Once when I had a three-week tour in Scotland, the whole family came up there because it was in the summer holidays. We all stayed in a tent and it rained for most of the time. I can remember waking up one morning floating on an airbed. I didn’t realise until I put my foot outside the sleeping bag into a load of water that the whole family was floating! I’d get paid every week and we’d accumulated quite a bit of cash. The Leeds Building Society was doing deals at the gala that if you were a child you could open a bank account with £1 and you got a money box and a bag and stuff like that. Mum and dad decided the safest thing to do with the money was to go to open up an account. I was about eight. They were expecting me to give £1 and suddenly I had this wad of cash. They must have wondered where I’d got it from and just thought I’d stolen it or found it.

Did you ever go to school? I did. The school was very good and if ever there was a school fete or anything like that they’d always ask me to do my motorcycle stunt show. I was filmed on my motorbike for children’s TV with Anneka Rice, who once came to school. We had a mock school fete and she was lying down and I ended up jumping over her. What happened next? The motorbike act stopped when public liability insurance started getting really expensive. I was about 14. Then my dad and I toured the Crazy Brigade – a comedy fire brigade, very much Keystone Cops, very visual – round country shows and big galas. It was a comedy car act that drove on its own and fell apart, but it was more like a stunt comedy act. There was a lot of water! My dad built a human cannon and we thought, ‘Oh, we need an act for it’, especially when he’d taken a picture of it and sold it. We had ten shows booked in before we even had an act.

I used to worry; we had a prop, a comedy cannon, but no show. It blew up at the end and I went flying out of the end of it but not a great distance. I never got to the net on the other side of the arena. But we did it in the end and it was very successful. I knew Martin Burton of Zippos Circus from the galas and carnivals, rather than as a circus contact. When I was 15, in my last year at school, he kindly said I could do work experience on their theatre tour. Other people worked in the local bakery. I went to Wales and Carlisle and never went back to school.

What does Dangerous Steve actually do? It kind of depends where I’m booked to do it. If it’s in the middle of a town centre early on a Saturday morning with a few people walking past with shopping bags, the last thing they want to do is get stopped to watch a show by some nutter in the street. I try to make my show very entertaining and try to be likeable on stage. If it’s indoors and the audience is put there for me, it’s the same show but I have to work in a different way. I do ten things; I start on my motorcycle monowheel. It builds up a big crowd straightaway. I sit inside the wheel – the engine is inside it – and it’s a very difficult bike to balance and ride. I’ve spent the last three years learning how to do a new trick on it; a double loop the loop.

I then go on to my motorcycle sidecar, which I ride round, introduce myself, and then stand on top of the seat and juggle knives. Then I do some fire. With outdoor shows I try to make it really very appealing at the start to distract people from the funfair and the stalls by doing fire tricks and some big fireballs with fire whips and things like that…

Fire whips? Yes, they create a massive fireball. I go from there to the unsupported ladder, so I’m up high, talking to people telling them what they’re about to see, and if they don’t want to see it now’s the time to leave! I’m very proud of balancing on top of a ten-foot ladder. It’s scary, as I don’t like heights! Then I then do a giant rola-bola, so I’m on a tower, on top of a beer keg on its side and on top of a board, and then I go through a fire hoop. Then I juggle a chainsaw, and do my giant unicycle, which is bigger this year, a ten-foot unicycle, and then into a blindfold motorcycle stunt. I set two chainsaws going – possibly four this year – on a frame, and I ride round blindfolded and through the frame with a steel shield on my face and a hood over my head, which I get the audience to check. And, you know, hopefully I don’t cut my head off.

Has anything ever gone wrong? When I was learning, I broke my arm just before doing a show in a school hall. I thought, ‘That really hurt, I think I’ve damaged my arm’. In the first part of show I had to play the drums. Oh, my goodness, every time I hit the drums it was excruciating. 15 years later I finally learnt to do the trick I was trying when I broke my arm! I did a show in Scotland last year and before I went on, they announced that they were having a dog show and they’d put a big marquee in the corner of the arena, which made it quite narrow. I was driving my monowheel but I tipped over too far and the foot peg stuck into the ground and I went right over doing a somersault in the wheel, I flew out of it, got back on it, and carried on and the crowd loved it! [Laughs]

Then I got on my sidecar to juggle the knives and I went over a bump and one of the knives went into my face. I had blood running down my face. I looked at the organisers who were looking at me, like, ‘What have we booked, some cowboy?’, but actually, afterwards they loved it and they want me back. [Laughs] So it pays to hurt yourself sometimes.  

How did you learn all your other skills? Because I’ve been involved in so many shows over the years, I kind of picked up all these skills individually. It was a bit of watching others and trial and error. My show is very different to anyone else’s on the outdoor circuit. I don’t know anyone else who does some of the tricks, but I’ve seen someone else doing others and I’ve thought, ‘Oh, that would be perfect for my show’.

Do you have a natural ability to pick things up? Probably not. It’s practice, and a lot of the things I’ve learnt to do, I was a teenager. If you’re a teenager you don’t mind falling off so much. It doesn’t hurt so much. I must admit some of the time now, when I’m trying new stuff out, I do think, ‘Am I a bit old for this?’.

I believe there’s one motorbike stunt that I’ve done that you haven’t… [Laughs] Yes, yes. The Wall of Death! It’s a dream and an ambition one day to do it.

It was horrific but you would love it! I’m going to contact Jake Messham and try to arrange it. I should do it September because it’s always a little bit dangerous trying new tricks out just before you get really busy for the summer season.

And the Globe of Death, do you fancy that? I would love to try. I’d try anything really.

How do you divide your time? We’re trying to stay busy all year round and it is really busy. The summer is now crazy with Dangerous Steve, so every weekend and Bank Holiday and there seem to be a lot of agricultural shows in the week as well. Last August I went from Orkney to Guernsey, doing shows on the way down as well. Summer season now… outdoor shows seem to be really good, really healthy and a full season of shows, like the olden days, really. When that quietens off in September, we go into Magic Carpet theatre shows and December, we’re sold out in schools performing a theatre show.

How did you come to join Magic Carpet so young? After Zippos the school let me go off on more work experience with Jon Marshall, who I’d worked with in the galas and carnivals when he was The Man with the X-ray Eyes. Magic Carpet is his children’s theatre company that tours schools, art centres and theatres up and down the country and occasionally we get to go abroad. The shows are very visual, good fun and exciting. It’s a comedy play. We don’t have any big message; it’s just a great way to introduce children to live theatre. They laugh all the way through and if they haven’t seen much before, they come out absolutely buzzing. Jon is very good at making it exciting and understandable. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster with highs, but we also bring them down again. We know when the dangerous bits are coming up where the kids might shout out, but no one needs to be on edge as we’ve got them under control.

Do you feel you sort of owe your career to your dad, really? Yes, very much so, dad and Jon. All through my childhood I had so much respect for my dad and so much help, hours and hours of dragging me round the country, which I enjoyed. I enjoyed where I lived at the stately home, and also the travelling around at the same time. He would be working after I’d gone to bed out in the workshop, building props for me and I’d be practising with them after school the next day, probably falling off, breaking it, and he’d be back in the workshop again mending it and telling me not to fall off again.

Do you think your experience could happen to a child these days because of health and safety… It would be very difficult. Even now with Flossie, if she falls over, the first thing that goes through your mind when she goes to pre-school, they’re going to see a bruise and it’s going to have to go in a report and they ask how it happened. They also ask the child as well to see if the stories match, whereas when I was a child and did The Spirit of Britain, I remember we were doing some practising and I set off the wrong way round the arena, ending up colliding with another bike, fell off, the foot peg went into my foot, I ended up in hospital, and then a couple of days later it was all forgotten. I wouldn’t want Flossie to hurt herself and there are ways of learning tricks with protection, but I wouldn’t put her off doing what I did. I try not to be too pushy with her because I think slow and steady will win the race.

Not like yer dad then? [Laughs] [Laughs] To be honest she’s only four, a little bit younger than I was when I started. But she is very keen on running onstage at the end of the show and she likes to go in the blade box, with blades in it. I’ve got a motorbike and sidecar and last year in Poynton, near Manchester, she sat on the sidecar.

Did you ever imagine that this would be your life? No, but later on in school everyone was talking about what they were going to do as a career, and I did think, ‘What the hell am I going to do?’. Then I thought, ‘Well, actually, I quite like what I do now. At the age of 15 I’ve already got quite a few years’ experience behind me. I’ve learnt how to do things and how not to do things’. So it would have been a waste not to carry on, and I’m so glad I stuck at it. When you’re a teenager sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. When I was getting towards 19, some of my mates were earning quite good money doing other things, and I was thinking, ‘Oh, should I change what I do?’, but obviously I’m so glad I didn’t. I love it more now than ever.

Dangerous Steve will be appearing at Kimpton in Hertfordshire on 4 May, 2019 at the start of his summer season. Check his website for details.

Picture credit: Ian Spooner

Steve’s website

Twitter: @DangerousSteve1 @sideshowmagic

Follow @TheWidowStanton on Twitter

[softhowerton]

Hey! I just watched ep 12 and I am kind of confused, thinking that I might have read this differently or something.. I mean Mac can't have been so cool with Dennis leaving (not that we were able to see much after his decision but still). So I was wondering, which moments are in your opinion the most indicative of Mac's romantic feelings towards Dennis?

Listen pal im. same. i have no answers. 

For the end scene, i mean, Mac is the first one to say anything after he leaves and its ‘i cant believe he’s really gone’ and also its his idea to blow up the range rover (which is a Rly important belonging of dennis’ so) i could definitely read that as him trying to act cool because Mac of all people isn’t gonna get in the way of someone making sure they dont abandon their son? But actually he’s really upset abt it?  idk aldslkfjds

as for specifically romantic moments from mac in this episode??? like literally everything he does while theyre faking being a couple is so heartwrenchingly Pine-y and in love im fuckin. Suffering. im broken. i think at this point its definitely like 1000% canon mac has romantic feelings for dennis like theres no question abt it. 

He was so excited abt raising a kid with him?? and he just like? assumed theyd stay sleeping in the same bed? he put so much work into recreating their apartment exactly as before and wanted it to be another Big Gesture like the rocket launcher? ggodskljskdslj i felt so bad for mac in this ep because hes literally got the LEAST subtle crush on the fucking planet and Dennis went from before when he just lowkey manipulating that to his advantage every once in a while to? straight up directly bein a dick about it?

personally ive gotta try to reconcile dennis’ feelings for mac because thats not been as solidly established as Mac’s side of things but i definitely still think its there and i gotta ??? im still trying to fit that into what we got from this episode and right now i’m going with (theres a post i reblogged that im kinda basing this on but i cant find it now): Dennis in this ep is talking about their relationship completely in the present tense, hes not saying anything that isnt completely accurate with regards to where they stand currently, and he’s not permitting himself to get caught up in the make believe because he’s a) understandably stressed out and focused on the fatherhood issue and b) scared of his relationship with mac changing and not ready to deal with his feelings about him yet, Especially B because hes actually so insistent about them not being in a sexual relationship that its? putting the plan in jeopardy? like he denies every couply thing mac says they do WHILE TRYING TO CONVINCE MANDY THEYRE A COUPLE??? DENNIS??? U R NOT HELPING URSELF??? And theyve pretended to be a couple before and Dennis was pretty solid and convincing then so its obvious something is different this time yk. 

and his reaction to the apartment because im? pretty sure dennis normally would be THRILLED to have it back exactly as it was. but in this instance not only is he trying to distance himself from the dad stuff, he’s also back in the Mac And Dennis Apartment exactly as it was a few years ago as if nothing had changed but, actively pretending to be dating mac and the juxtaposition of the Blast From the Past of the apartment with the radically different relationship context? has gotta be terrifying for dennis tbh? hes trying desperately not to think about his future because either option hes being presented with is a Massive change that he is Not Prepare For

[adambstingus]

Gentrification X: how an academic argument became the people’s protest

In the first of a special series on the impact of gentrification on cities around the world, Dan Hancox meets victims and beneficiaries of this highly emotive issue and finds that the anger is real, and resistance is coming to a head

When Amal had stopped crying, she apologised. I wake up so sick, you know? I have to go to study but I feel so sick. A victim of domestic violence and now a single mother, she lives with her three young children in grimy temporary accommodation in Tooting, south London. She was telling me that Wandsworth council, which has a legal obligation to house the family, tried sending them to a rented flat on the outskirts of Newcastle, then suggested West Bromwich. Shed never heard of either place. I said to them, I already told you, I have a job interview in London, I am studying in London, my children are at school in London, my ex-husband visits every week to help with the children.

West Bromwich, the council insisted, was her last chance. Otherwise she would be declared intentionally homeless, and be put out with her young children on the street. They said, just one option: West Bromwich. If I said no, they wouldnt give me another chance.

This was one London councils response to the housing crisis to spend £5m on properties for their poorer families, hundreds of miles away, while across the borough, the Meccano scaffolds rose up for the £15bn development of Nine Elms, where most flats will cost more than £1m.

The same year I met Amal, in 2014, on the other side of London the now notorious Focus E15 Mums were stepping up their campaign to remain in the city where theyd been born. Nine billion pounds on the Olympics and theyre telling us and our babies we have to go live in Hastings, lamented 19-year-old Adora Chilaisha during their occupation of East Thames housing association offices, as the hokey cokey played out in the background. Theres no way Im going anywhere, she said. My boy Desean is one, and I dont want him to grow up away from his family, from his home. I dont know anyone in Hastings.

An elderly man walks past a regeneration project hoarding in Elephant & Castle, London. Photograph: Richard Baker/In Pictures/Corbis

Two years later, both Amal and Adora and their children are still in London after a long and exhausting struggle against the authorities to simply stay where they are. Meanwhile, those same authorities prostrate themselves before luxury property developers, Chinese business conglomerates and buy-to-let rentiers.

Gentrification is an intensely emotive issue with almost endless potential for argument. That shouldnt be in the least bit surprising it speaks to fundamental questions of home, identity and community, how those places define us, and how we define them. The process of displacement of societys poorest members is, of course, not a new thing. You can trace it back centuries, to a time when there was a literal gentry responsible for social cleansing; when the bailiffs were on horseback and artisanal was a descriptor of a pre-industrial social class, rather than vogueish hipster branding.

Nonetheless, there is something of the zeitgeist about gentrification. Until a few years ago, only academic geographers and housing campaigners used the term. In recent years, however, the subject has entered the mainstream, and the word has become increasingly ubiquitous in what seems like almost every city across the world. But it is not only the debate that has intensified: opposition to gentrification is rapidly becoming less marginal, and more organised. While it is easy to locate historical rent strikes and neighbourhood uprisings to what you might call gentrification avant la lettre, for the first time, gentrification itself is a serious point of political contention and resistance.

The tipping point in the UK came last autumn, when members of Class Wars so-called Fuck Parade, flaming torches in hand, daubed SCUM on the windows of east Londons quintessential hipster cafe, Cereal Killer. The restaurant was already castigated by Channel Four News for serving £4 bowls of cereal in a borough in which thousands of poor families cant afford to feed their children. Although several people, myself included, argued that the bearded cereal entrepreneurs were hardly gentrifications true villains, the news was reported around the world not just as a riot that launched a thousand hot takes, but as the expression of a rising tide of anger. The issue had leaped into the mainstream.

The Cereal Killer Cafe in protest in Shoreditch, London. Photograph: @jamieosman

Last month, the pre-Christmas episode of This American Life featured an astonishing segment about a San Francisco dad going to see his six-year-old daughter in her school play, and discovering that the entire show was a fierce polemic against the malign influence of tech companies making the city a sterile playground for the rich. The play culminates in a huge demonstration outside city hall, with the young children holding placards reading resistance = love of community and singing that the city is not for sale.

So why now? The short answer is demand and supply: demand for well-positioned urban space is higher than ever, while the supply of housing options for the urban poor, and the strength and willingness of the state to provide them, is weaker than in decades. In urban policy, we are witnessing the triumph of the market and the capitulation of the state. If an area becomes desirable to those with money regardless if it was hitherto undesirable or dominated by public housing then sooner or later, the wealthy will get what they want. The problem, said Yolande Barthes from Savills estate agents at a Guardian Live debate last month, is the area of London that people want to live in hasnt expanded at the same rate as the population.

As Londons affordable housing crisis deepens spurred by the collapse of new social housing construction, and the sale of hundreds of thousands more social flats under right-to-buy the galvanisation of the British capitals local communities has been astonishing. This customised Google Map, created by Action East End, drops pins on the map for each hyper-local campaign. From Save Chrisp Street Market in the east to Save Portobello Road Market in the west, the campaigns many formed only in the last year range from demands to protect existing social housing, to protests against new luxury flat developments or against the destruction of community assets such as much-loved markets, nurseries, pubs and small businesses. At the time of writing, there are 53 different campaigns.

Focus E15 Mums fought eviction from the Carpenters Estate. Photograph: Jess Hurd/Guardian

One is Reclaim Brixton, who formed in March 2015 in opposition to the rapidly accelerating gentrification of the south London area. Co-founder Cyndi Anafos mother used to run a Ghanaian grocery in the covered market that has recently been rebranded Brixton Village, a target destination for food tourists and wealthy Londoners. Via social media, Anafo and friends arranged meetings, leading to a carnival-cum-demonstration in Brixton town centre that drew thousands and attracted widespread national media attention. For about 20 years its been on the edge of gentrification, Anafo says. But the last five or six years its all come to the fore Reclaim Brixton came about chiefly through frustration.

While the transformation of Brixton is visible in the proliferation of more expensive shops, bars and restaurants, and the influx of a non-resident, affluent demographic visiting places like Champagne + Fromage, Anafo is clear that the cultural and commercial changes are not the main event. It all comes down to housing, she says. Being a kind of accidental activist, and getting to know all the existing housing groups, made me realise the severity of the situation on the ground in Brixton, meeting people who are on eviction lists. People moan about particular types of businesses or shops, or estate agents like Foxtons, but my feeling is that rent stabilisation is something that could help everyone.

Last June, Berlin made headlines when it began enforcing rent controls for all, limiting landlords to charging new tenants more than 10% above the local average. The previous year rents had gone up by more than 9%. We dont want a situation like in London or Paris, said Reiner Wild of the Berlin Tenants Association. Such strident legislation to protect poorer citizens does not just drop out of the sky, of course. It emerges from a history of equally robust civic campaigning on housing, gentrification and the right to the city.

The Tacheles in Berlin was formed in the 1990s as a squat by artists seeking to save the building from demolition. It closed in 2012. Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty

Nottingham University geographer Alex Vasudevan, author of a recent book on the subject, Metropolitan Preoccupations, says Berlin is in a sense diametrically different from London its a very poor city, where wages are one-third lower than its western German neighbours. In the wake of unification Berlin has seen waves of gentrification, while remaining very poor by German standards, says Vasudevan. Before the fall of the wall, there were subsidies given to squatters to renovate buildings, and they would be legalised as a result a kind of compromise. But that programme ended in 2002, and since the wall came down Berlin has become this laboratory of neoliberal urban governance.

As in London, Vasudevan says, funding for social housing collapsed, and simultaneously thousands of what used to be social housing properties were privatised. Berlin tried to become a financial centre. It failed. So then they went with the whole creative city agenda, or at least a version of it, connected with touristification and this kind of Airbnb urbanism. Theres a great Aibrnb map of Kreuzberg: until recently there was only one property in that neighbourhood that was available on the normal rental market everything else was Airbnb.

Grassroots resistance in Berlin has revolved mostly around very local geographies, such as saving one particular building, park, housing project, or even fighting the eviction of a much-loved Turkish grocery store. Nonetheless, Vasudevan explains that each victory has galvanised the city as a whole, and made gentrification even more of a common talking point than it is in London. The challenge now has been scaling up, making connections, and sharing information between neighbourhoods, and even internationally.

Theyve managed to get the rent cap by just being incredibly well-organised, and absolutely dogged and they are also good at talking to each other. You have local working-class Germans who remained in Kreuzberg, and Turkish migrants collaborating; so everything is written in both German and Turkish, theyre all networked.

The gigantic crocheted tribute to Wes Anderson which appeared at Bushwick Flea Market in Brooklyn. Photograph: London Kaye

Theyre also talking to the Plataforma de Afectados por la Hipoteca (PAH) in Spain, the grassroots group whose phenomenal success of blocking thousands of evictions propelled its spokeswoman, Ada Colau, to become mayor of Barcelona. Spains housing crisis has been so destructive that the PAHs use of community self-organisation and support, and direct action to block evictions, has been copied across the world. Ive seen Spanish parents in tears in PAH meetings, being comforted by their foreign-born (often Latin American) neighbours, before rallying to take on the banks trying to evict them. Ive also seen Sí Se Puede, the PAH documentary, screened to housing activists in London. The international sharing of both tactics and inspiration highlights globalisations double-edged sword: property developers and investors may be operating simultaneously in Berlin, London and Barcelona, but the people resisting gentrification in these cities are beginning to network themselves, too.

What remains to be seen is whether campaigning against gentrification will grow into any city-wide protests. Certainly, the G word has been tapped as the new culprit for a lot of urban tensions emerging from the influx of younger, whiter, wealthier people into city cores. After a yarn-bombing artist, with the support of the hipster Brooklyn Flea market, put up a 15ft crochet homage to Wes Anderson on the exterior wall of his family home in Bushwick without asking for permission, New Yorker Will Giron wrote: Gentrification has gotten to the point where every time I see a group of young white millennials in the hood my heart starts racing and a sense of anxiety starts falling over me.

***

The argument that gentrification represents a kind of urban neocolonialism is hard to miss. Spike Lee made it clear with his viral rant against Christopher Columbus syndrome in Brooklyn. Indeed, after decades of white flight to the US suburbs, since 2010 American cities have seen increases in white populations. Protests in 2014 targeted Microsofts corporate shuttle buses in Seattle; not only did they raise rents, went the argument, they didnt integrate, adding to social tensions in a city where working-class African-Americans were being pushed out. That same year, a video went viral of (older, whiter) Dropbox employees trying to get rid of mostly Latino young people from a football pitch in San Franciscos Mission district. (The Latinos protested, and won.)

It is surely the higher-profile, less sensitive invasions that get the headlines, but they speak to a deeper malaise of newly arriving communities with no interest in connecting with the existing populations they are displacing. Dont let the door hit you on the way out, they seem to say.

The Strata tower in Elephant & Castle, London. Photograph: Linda Nylind for the Guardian

Inevitably, the rise of anti-gentrification sentiment and action has provoked a counter-attack, either to defend the process or deny it exists. Critics of gentrification romanticise working-class poverty, goes the main line of argument. They hate change, and fetishise urban decrepitude. Dont you want the area to look nice? Dont you want poor people to have better lives? Giles Coren characterised anti-gentrifiers last year as middle-aged, middle-class dinosaurs who are determined to keep London shitty. Why? A mixture, he said, of aesthetics, nostalgia and condescension: Snobs [who] like the thought of people less well off than themselves scoffing rubbish [food], so they can keep on looking down at them for it.

This shit but real versus polished but soulless dichotomy was borne out in Hackney in London in 2009, when the boroughs mayor, Jules Pipe, condemned opponents of regeneration for wanting to keep Hackney crap prompting a tongue-in-cheek campaign proposing to do exactly that. The sad irony is that local community groups calling for positive state intervention to regenerate a local area for example, to make a local park safer, improve litter collection or fix transport will often have to wait for the area to become more affluent and desirable before those changes will take place. And in a grim example of the law of unintended consequences, where urban communities dosucceed in changing their neighbourhood for the better, the result is often higher rents, more interest from developers, and the gradual displacement of the very people who forced those changes into being.

Another argument used against anti-gentrification campaigns is that they are fighting a force of nature. Gentrification is a process as old as time itself, and you may as well just protest against the changing of the seasons. There is a tendency, as with anything, for older, more experienced commentators to take a puff on their pipe and remark, Oh you hot-heads, do you think any of this is new? This kind of response, while containing some truth, is often used to stifle action. This has all happened before carries with it an unstated corollary, … and is thus an organic, inevitable and inexorable process and, presumably, since we are both standing here today having this discussion, with all of our limbs intact, and roofs over our head, not an especially harmful one.

It is true that the feared mass exodus of poorer residents from inner London since the Conservatives introduced the bedroom tax and benefit caps has not occurred. Anecdotal evidence from charities and food banks suggests many are staying, paying more rent and just getting poorer. But the numbers of those forced out are still increasing substantially. Many people who are placed in temporary accommodation in outer London and deal with some horrendous conditions, jars of bugs and all are travelling enormous distances to work or school. Perhaps the most dramatic single visualisation of how gentrification is changing our cities is this map of the displacement of former residents of Elephant & Castles substantial social housing project, the Heygate Estate.

As the critic Jonathan Meades wrote in 2006: Privilege is centripetal. Want is centrifugal in the future, deprivation, crime and riots will be comfortably confined to outside the ring road.

The architects of gentrification are extremely careful not to talk about it. Given the word was coined by a Marxist, and is most often used by opponents of the property industry, this is good common sense on their part. When in 2014 I was asked to interview a property developer about gentrification, I worked through seven or eight before I found one willing to return my calls. Though I was careful not to scare them off by uttering the G word, their PR departments were too good at obfuscating until someone at property giant Bouygues Development agreed to speak.

Richard Fagg, deputy managing director, was neither hostile nor evasive, but still chose his words carefully. He denied that their building of expensive new blocks of flats would lead to any displacement. Instead, he suggested that poorer areas would benefit from becoming blended communities.

In the poor parts of London where weve been working in the past, they have been and I use this term politely but they have been social enclaves, Fagg said. No one buys homes there, because your money will probably depreciate. But thats changing. So hopefully, the likes of where were working in Barking, people are taking their hard-earned cash, investing it in a mortgage, buying a property because there youre getting good capital growth over time in the future. Yes, its starting at a low base. But youre going to get good growth, because the whole area is changing. Its not gentrification. Its just becoming a more balancedcommunity.

Fagg was not factually wrong about the demographic composition of London areas such as Barking, north Peckham or Elephant & Castle. In fact, many are concerned that whats happening to the Heygate Estate in Elephant & Castle will become an example that is replicated in the years to come. As the 1950s and 1960s tower blocks reach the end of their life a decline hastened by years of disinvestment and failure to address poverty one popular development model says they should be demolished and replaced with mixed use developments. Social problems are supposedly reduced if you dont have enclaves.

Simon Elmer from Architects for Social Housing points to Andrew Adoniss report City Villages: More Homes, Better Communities, which is the basis for Conservative housing plans, embodied in the housing bill currently going through parliament. The report recommends recategorising all social housing estates as brownfield land. In greater London, that amounts to 3,500 estates, 360,000 homes and more than one million people. The concern, says Elmer in a paper entitled The London Clearances, is that these ageing estates will be demolished and replaced with the same mix of luxury flats and affordable housing that have cropped up in Elephant Park, the new private development being built in place of the Heygate, and in which a two-bedroom flat will set you back £659,000. This past weekend David Cameron gave further shape to this plan when he announced a blitz on poverty, suggesting the demolition of sink estates in favour of more homes for private rent.

A protester smashes the front window of the Foxtons estate agency in Brixton. Photograph: Pierre Alozie/Demotix/Corbis

The property industry, meanwhile, has become markedly more sophisticated in how it readies the ground for demographic transformation, by engineering the change in atmosphere that will draw in young creatives to a new area. (Again, the colonial language is always bubbling just under the surface.) Sometimes this is called place-making, and amounts to extravagant marketing exercises that seek to brand (or rebrand) an area, to follow in the footsteps of the advertising industry and sell not just a product, the bricks and mortar, but an entire aspirational lifestyle.

We dont think its good enough to build a lovely flat, anyone can build a lovely flat anywhere, Fagg told me. From the very first moment, even before seeking planning permission, marketing is at the heart of your strategy. What are you offering over and above every London borough, every other developer? Particularly in London, when everyone is competing for your hard-earned capital to invest in their new location? In some cases, place-making has meant going to extraordinary lengths: in poor parts of Harlem, estate agents bought up vacant street-front commercial properties and opened four trendy coffee shops, in an unabashed attempt to instigate gentrification themselves.

Newham council released a promotional video, Regeneration Supernova, to encourage development in the borough.

It isnt the most flashy cultural manifestations of gentrification, the cereal cafes and the hipster baristas, who are the most influential actors in this process. Indeed, they are a distraction from where the most important decisions are taken. It is often the less glamorous and headline-grabbing developments, such as the granting of planning permission, the cynical redefining of affordable housing to mean 80% of market rate (it used to be more like 50%), the payment of cash to struggling councils by developers wishing to avoid their legal section 106 requirement to build affordable housing, or the eviction of poor families with no access to the media, that go under the radar, and where the real pain of gentrification resides.

Saying that, the cultural manifestations of gentrification do matter. It is partly about symbolism, about a change in atmosphere that tells poorer residents that, soon, they will no longer belong. Or, in areas with an explosion of attractive bars and clubs, it is about the behaviour of the new arrivals; where that sense of belonging is indirectly seized from poorer families by revellers, students and nightlife tourists who drunkenly smash their beer bottles on the pavement.

A new independent boutique coffee shop may be benign in itself, but does it help usher in a new clientele to the area, even as a bridge-and-tunnel, just-visiting crowd? Will other hipster businesses follow suit? Will this surge lead to a buzz, to press coverage in newspapers aimed at middle-classes with the money to buy property, or help to entice buy-to-let landlords, property developer interest, and estate agents revaluation? Does this then entice bigger chain shops and cafes, lead to small businesses closing and rents rising? As the hugely telling place-making videos make abundantly clear, for the money-men, a proliferation of art galleries, hipsters and small independent businesses are a great sign. Indeed, for the sharper investors, by the time Starbucks arrives, youre already too late.

***

Last year I saw standup comedian Liam Williams tell a joke which went broadly as follows: Everyones talking about gentrification at the moment, and I can understand why. But its a difficult one, isnt it? There are so many pros and cons. On the one hand, your local area is nicer, safer, cleaner, there are cool new shops and cafes and bars to go to. But on the downside, you have to feel guilty about it.

A man makes coffee at a boutique cafe in Brixton. Photograph: Carl Court/AFP/Getty Images

It was delivered sardonically, undoubtedly tongue-in-cheek, but was also a useful pointer to white, liberal, middle-class feeling. It was also an unintended guide to what we talk about when we talk about gentrification that the filter for the media conversation remains depressingly narrow. The rise in volume of media coverage of gentrification in Britain has not been accompanied by a rise in awareness that minority citizens are more likely to be victims of displacement. The neighbourhoods on the receiving end of racial profiling and stop-and-search by police, or aggressive raids by border agents, are the same ones transforming into places ready to have the word village added to their name. For every story about the Focus E15 mums there have been two more along the lines of Im middle-class and even Im being pushed out of London.

Hard though it clearly is for them to believe, gentrification is not about newspaper columnists who want a bigger garden having to move to zone three. It is about people like Maria, a single mum of three forced out of Westminster into damp, cold, asthma-inducing temporary accommodation in Haringey. Although she is pregnant and has back problems, when I met her Maria was taking her kids on the 90-minute, three-bus journey back to their school in Westminster every morning, just to retain a modicum of stability. She would then spend the day sitting, penniless, in Westfield shopping centre, to keep warm.

At other times there is a risk of chauvinism and outright xenophobia. Anti-gentrification artist Gram Hilleard had his sardonic postcards featured in the Observer last year, and in an accompanying interview lamented that his family had been in the same area of London for the last 200 years, but now the indigenous Londoners have been moved out. Its not only suspect to talk about indigenous people in a major cosmopolitan city, its also a misunderstanding of what a city like London has always been.

Today, more than 300 languages are spoken and 36.7% of the population were born overseas; the proportion of people who can claim their family have been in the same area of any major city for 200 years continuously must be microscopically small. Legitimate coverage of super-rich Qatari, Chinese or Emirati investors buying up high-end properties in London and then leaving them empty can easily be taken out of proportion, and spill over into the misguided notion that the problem is wealthy foreigners, not wealthy investors. But what about our plucky homegrown rentiers, not to mention those granting planning permission to luxury flats and hotels rather than concentrating on building genuinely affordable homes?

Gentrification is a viscerally emotive subject. People take it incredibly personally. As the debate grows louder, fingers will be pointed wildly in every direction. I think I first noticed gentrification, before Id ever heard the word, when the branch of the discount supermarket Iceland in Balham, where I grew up in the 1980s, closed and was replaced by an organic supermarket called As Nature Intended.

In my childhood, this part of London wasnt particularly one thing or the other; neither particularly posh nor poor, central but not that central, mixed by race and class and age, the kind of area that thrived precisely because it didnt have a particularly clear identity. A couple of years after the organic supermarket opened, I saw a property advert on the tube that had created annoying alliterative couplets out of different London place names. Balham was Bankers Balham. I have rarely felt so ashamed. But I also know that none of this is at all important, in the scheme of things that places change, and they should change, and getting a bit sentimental about the fact you cant go home again is part of growing up.

The challenge for the citizens of the 21st century is to decouple this kind of personal sentiment from the generally unheard or ignored stories of displacement and suffering, from the resounding triumph of private profit in civic life over everything else trampling, in particular, the idea that shelter and the right to the city ought to be fundamental human rights. Gentrification is becoming one of the defining issues of our age.

As rich and poor people alike continue to flock to cities like London, Berlin and San Francisco, either for work or a better quality of life, the controversies will only intensify and multiply. Apologists for gentrification can continue to pretend a city is a force of nature, and displacement of poor people from their homes just ripples on the tide, but the rising popular sentiment against social cleansing is not merely a fabrication of leftwing activists, academics or journalists. The anger is real, and the determination to resist is growing.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/gentrification-x-how-an-academic-argument-became-the-peoples-protest/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181391054767

[themoneybuff-blog]

Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/

[viralhottopics]

Net nostalgia: the online museums preserving dolphin gifs and spinning Comic Sans

Archivist Jason Scott has made it his mission to record digital culture for future generations. But why are we so keen to relive the days of Geocities websites and 56k modems?

Jason Scott is a guerilla internet archivist. Someones got to be. If youve got some content embedded in a site thats about to disappear, then he and his team of coders and data engineers go in there and Oceans Eleven the joint. In the name of digital archaeology, they migrate as much data as they can to a safe harbour even as the main site goes down. We swoop in and, to the best of our ability, take a snapshot, he says.

Scott is interested in conserving the stuff we have forgotten has value. Increasingly, our culture plays itself out on the internet, yet even now we have a tendency to view what we do on there as trivial. Or we make the mistake of assuming that digital means for ever. The problem is, the internets systems have been designed as though everything goes on indefinitely, he says. There are no agreed-upon shutdown procedures. When users die, what do you do? Because their accounts live on, and suddenly Facebook is telling you your dead friend also likes Snickers bars. Often, you dont even know whos running a site. Its as if you didnt know who was in charge of your water supply; then one day, it just stopped …

As one of the earliest adopters in the pre-world wide web 1980s, Scott took thousands of screenshots of bulletin-board systems early internet message-boards. In 1996, he decided to share his ASCII joy by building a website to host them all: textfiles.com. Its still online today, a piece of retro-within-retro. The site made Scott famous in net-nostalgia circles, and its legacy has made him one of the key movers in how we interact with and conserve an online kingdom, parts of which feel as faded as any Mayan temple.

Scott now works for archive.org. This is the new, broader umbrella for what used to be called the Wayback Machine, the online library that can show you what a given website looked like on any given day, now encompassing more than 279bn pages. Its $18m (14.5m)-a-year running costs are funded chiefly through donations, averaging $25 a time. Alongside Jimmy Waless Wikipedia, the Wayback Machine feels like a relic of a kinder, gentler era in the life of the net before Facebook algorithms were squeezing every penny out of your newsfeed. It was, we were told, a soft-libertarian wonderworld, full of dreamers who believed that private donations plus low information costs would breed a web where we were all equal, all beautiful.

It hasnt quite turned out like that. Which could be one reason we now look back so mistily at the web of olden times. Even in 2001, there were back-to-the-landers recreating the revolving Roman columns, dolphin gifs and mismatched spinning comic sans of the Geocities age. By 1999, Geocities was the third-most visited website in the world, enticing a vast quilt of hobbyists to make their own pages about whatever interested them. When it finally shut its doors in 2009, the Wayback Machine made a complete copy of it. But nostalgia for what it represented means that theres also Neocities an attempt to reboot its elemental qualities. Not to mention the Geocitiesizer which recreates the rest of the web in the same garish colours, autoplaying Midi-songs and intrusive tiled windows. Internet artist Olia Lialina has created One Terabyte of Kilobyte Age which serves up an unending spool of Geocities page screengrabs in the form of a Tumblr blog.

Go back another generation in internet nostalgia and you hit Tilde.club a website-building engine with a lengthy waiting list, where learning a few coding skills will allow you publish some authentically rough, poorly spaced web pages from the mid-90s. In addition to these retro sites, there are emulators to recreate the blocky tedium of waiting for 56k modem to serve a page. Then graphics patches to simulate the graininess of old cathode ray screens. These are often sinkholes of processing power. Making something look slightly grainy and a bit off is, it turns out, unbelievably energy-consuming.

An old webpage as seen on the One Terabyte of Kilobyte Age blog. Photograph: oneterabyteofkilobyteage.tumblr.com/

This nostalgic impulse is also playing out in the real world. Last year, AMCs much-admired but little-watched Halt and Catch Fire took the early internet era and dramatised it, one IRC chat log at a time. In music, the now-fading vaporwave movement imbued the silvery cyber-joy of the early internet with lashings of melancholia, as a generation that had come of age alongside the net began to look back and wonder where their dreams had gone.

Perhaps were experiencing this boom in nostalgia because theres suddenly so much more retro to go around, and easier access to it. Or perhaps its because the innovation curve seems to have plateaued; todays web giants are between 10 and 20 years old, and much of the past five years has been about tweaks, consolidation and monetisation of previous business plans. Theres also a sense that weve come through a lot of collective mental evolution in the past few years from an age where each new social network filled us with naive joy at the possibilities for connection, to an era of subtweets, dogpiling and virtue signalling.

Scott isnt convinced. In the final analysis, people will hook their own nostalgia on to their own brains very effectively, regardless of when the technological platform started. Oh, remember when we were all on Netflix? Remember when Twitter was just this little club? In the life of any platform, theres always an early-adopter phase, where the people who were there first get annoyed by the people who have arrived later.

Its also wrong to assume that your cherished experience is everyones nostalgia rapidly becomes obscure hieroglyphs if youre outside its target market.

One day on archive.org, I put up a whole lot of under construction gifs that Id taken from Geocities, says Scott. And Id watch as people linked to them. Some of them said: Hey, remember these? But others said: Ive never seen this before. Why did people do this? Then an art museum got in touch and said: We want to make a wall of them as an art exhibition. People didnt have any connection to them theyd go wow or what is this?, but it had become about as meaningful as someone making a dress from an old phonebook. It had fallen down into this general mulch of human culture.

The mulch is vast and every layer obscures another. Were all eating and excreting so much culture now that it has become very hard to keep tabs on it. The archive team are presently recording all US TV, 24/7. One team member recently phoned the White House switchboard to record every different voicemail message on there just to have a database of what it sounded like in 2016.

But while the team try not to make too many editorial decisions, they have to accept that not everything can be preserved. Even if it is just chucking out the washing powder ads on all that TV coverage and just keeping one version, compression must come, and that means stuff will inevitably get lost along the way. Scott shrugs. Life, he admits, is a lossy format.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2kf4Yrr

from Net nostalgia: the online museums preserving dolphin gifs and spinning Comic Sans

[themoneybuff-blog]

Case study: Starting with less than zero

I am not a trained financial expert. Im not an accountant, Im not a financial planner, and Im not a stock broker. Whats more, Ive made many many money mistakes on my own financial journey. As a result, Ive always been reluctant to sit down with people and go over their budgets. That seems to be changing. In March, I spent a couple of hours talking with a friend about her financial situation. A few days ago, another friend asked if Id be willing to meet with him in the near future to puzzle through his budget woes. And yesterday, I took three hours to chat about money with my friends Wally and Jodie. As always, Ive changed names and certain identifying features in the story that follows. Unless I have explicit permission to share details, I do my best to protect peoples privacy when I write about their intimate financial lives. Wally and Jodie have recently begun dating. Hes in his early forties (and recently divorced); shes in her late twenties. They both work in food service, and have done so all of their lives. Their trouble and the reason they asked me for help is that they cannot seem to make ends meet. They work hard but never have anything to show for it. In fact, they feel like theyre falling further and further behind. Can you help us? Wally and Jodie asked. I can try, I said. Lets look at your numbers. An Income Problem To start, I said, lets look at how much youre bringing in. Thats part of the problem, Jodie said. We dont have a fixed income. Because most of our money comes from tips, we cant predict how much were going to make from one month to the next. Right, said Wally. And it doesnt help that our hours are irregular. We both work at several different restaurants. Some pay better than others. Plus, there are days when you wont have any customers. When that happens, youre sent home early with nothing to show for it. Well, how much would you say you make on average? I asked. Wally and Jodie made some calculations. I make maybe $1400 per month, Wally said. On a good month, Ill make $1700. And Jodie makes another $1500. These numbers are after taxes. Jodie nodded. But we each just picked up a shift at a new restaurant. That should give us each maybe $500 extra each month. Thats great, I said, jotting down numbers in my notebook. But I dont like looking at potential numbers. I learned the hard way that when you budget based on future raises, bonuses, or other expected sources of income, you can get into real trouble. Obviously, you hope that extra money comes through, and when it does, you can apply it to your budget. Until then, though, its best to ignore it. I thought for a moment. My first impression before we even look at your spending is that youre not making enough money. Youre making less than $3000 per month combined. We should brainstorm some ways you can earn more. Starting with Less than Zero I turned a page in my notebook. Now, lets talk about how much youre spending. Thats the problem, Jodie said. We spend exactly what we bring in, no matter how much we bring in. That means theres never enough to catch up on our debts some of which were behind on. What are your biggest expenses? I asked. Well, our apartment costs $900 per month but itll go up to $950 pretty soon, Wally said. Not bad, I said. Thats actually a great price for Portland. And its a reasonable amount based on your income. I explained how the average American household spends one-third of its income on housing; I advocate aiming for 25% or less. Food costs money, Jodie said. We budget about $100 per week for groceries, but thats just bare bones stuff, you know? I have a car payment, Wally said. In fact, thats one of our biggest problems. I took out the loan when I was married. My ex-wife and I are both on the loan. It seemed reasonable at the time. Now, though, its a pain in the ass. I owe $12,500 on the car and payments are $300 per month. To make matters worse, Im already a couple of months late on my payments. This is causing me a ton of stress. It makes Jodie stressed, it makes my ex-wife stressed, and it makes me stressed. Hm, I said. I dont have any experience with getting behind on payments. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, for sure, but I was lucky. I never had an accident or got sick, so I was always able to make payments on time. I dont know that I have any good advice for you about this problem, but maybe some of my readers at Get Rich Slowly could help. Wally nodded. Honestly, thats one of our biggest frustrations with the money advice weve found, said Jodie. All of it assumes that youre starting from zero. Or more than zero. What if youre starting with less than zero? What if youre deep in debt we have $35,000 in debt, just like you used to and what if youre behind on your payments? What then? All of the advice we read seems to be written by rich people for rich people. Yeah, I can see how that would be frustrating, I said. Like I said, I dont have experience starting at less than zero. I started at zero. I was deep in debt, but once I stopped spending, I already had a gap between my income and spending, so I could immediately start paying down debt. You two have some catching up to do. We need to figure out how you can play catch-up. A Mountain of Debt As we worked through their budget, I was mostly impressed. While Wally and Jodie arent bringing in a lot of money, theyre not spending a lot of money either. As with most budgets, they did have some discretionary items that could be cut, but not a ton of them. (Their biggest discretionary expense seems to be local travel. Theyre spending a couple of hundred dollars each month to visit family and/or have fun with friends.) My biggest concern was their debt. Between the two of them, they have $35,000 in debt: $12,500 for Wallys car, on which hes upside-down. (I wish I could just sell it and wipe out the debt, Wally said. But Id still owe about $3000 if we sold it.)$12,500 for Jodies student loans.$10,000 of miscellaneous debts, such as $500 they just spent to buy new tires after getting stranded because of a flat. To complicate matters, Wally and Jodie are going through several large life transitions right now. Wally is fresh from his divorce, they just moved in together, theyre both trying to find permanent full-time jobs, and theyre thinking about moving to a cheaper place to live. So, thats our situation, Jodie said. For good or ill, thats what we have. Where do we start? How do we get out of this mess? Well, I said, the good news is that I think youre both capable of working together to build a brighter future. The bad news is that its going to take some time. Its also going to require some sacrifices or what seem like sacrifices. If you want to fix this, youll have to do some stuff that sucks in the short term. But I want you to remember: Most of these sacrifices are temporary. Theyre only until you manage to get rid of the debt. I read what you wrote about growing up poor and having a scarcity mindset, Wally said. I totally relate. My family was poor too. Any time my parents got money, they spent it. They felt like they deserved to treat themselves because theyd gone without for so long. And looking at my own life, I see that I do that too. Thats a tough trap, I said. I totally relate. And I know first-hand how when youre poor, you feel like any windfall should be spent on fun. But if you want long-term happiness and financial stability, you have to decide that for a year or two youre not going to give in to that temptation. When you get a bonus or a raise or a big tip from a table at work, youll put that money toward your financial goals, not toward a nice dinner out. Once you get rid of the debt, you can have all sorts of nice dinners out. But until then, you have to agree to make a game of living on less. Growing the Gap I want you to focus on two things, I said. The first thing is the gap between your earning and spending. Right now, you dont have a gap. Youre spending exactly what you earn. Its impossible to save for the future or to catch up on your debt if you dont make more than you earn. So, to start, you two need to do whatever you can to increase this gap. I turned back to my notes on their budget. You should trim your budget in whatever way you can. You dont have a lot to trim, but if theres anything you can cut, cut it. I know family is important to you, but maybe you can explain what that youre trying to get out of debt and need to take some time off from the visits. Or maybe make the visits shorter a weekend instead of a week. And remember: Youre not cutting these things forever. Youre only cutting them until you get rid of your debt. Wally and Jodie nodded. Because you dont have a lot to cut from your budget, I continued, I think the best way for you to increase your gap is to find ways to earn more money. Right now, youre both working at two or three or four different restaurants. You only have a few hours per week at each place. None of the restaurants are that nice, so you dont make great tips. Honestly, I think this is where you should focus most of your attention. Wally sighed. Weve talked about that, he said. Wed love to earn more, but nothing ever seems to work out. One place says its going to give us more hours, but it never does. Jodie will pick up a shift a nice restaurant across town, but then its a logistical problem to get there. I get frustrated by how much time is involved with all of this. Thats a good point, I said, and I dont have a good solution. Actually, you know what Id do if I were you? Youre both great servers. You do good work. Your bosses like you, and so do your customers. If I were you, I wouldnt be looking for work at diners and cafes. In your spare time which I know isnt much you should be applying for work at upscale places. When you work at a nicer place, you dont do any more work, but you make a lot more money. Plus, you have the advantage of interacting with a different sort of clientele. If you build relationships with some of them, who knows where that could lead? When I was in college, I made money by waiting tables. I received several job offers from regular customers who were impressed by my work ethic. I suspect that if Wally and Jodie were in the right environment, theyd experience the same kind of thing. Another option is to pick up a few hours work doing something completely different, I suggested. Maybe Jodie could work in a womens clothing store. Maybe Wally could do yardwork or handyman stuff. I think we get where youre going with this, Jodie said. We need to increase the gap between our earning and spending. Because we dont spend a lot, the best way to do this is to earn more moneysomehow. Yep, I said. Thats the gist of it. Thats the first thing I think you should focus on. Taking Baby Steps The second thing you should tackle is your debt. I know you both have things you want to save for long term, but I want you to put those dreams on hold for now. You cant save for your future until you pay off your past. My dad tells me I should save first before tackling the debt, Jodie said. He says I should build six months of savings before anything else. What do you think? I disagree, I said. I think saving six months worth of expenses is a fine goal, and thats absolutely what you should aim for. But thats not where you should start. As you increase your gap between earning and spending because remember everything depends on this gap I think you should apply your money according to the Dave Ramsey plan. Here, Ill explain. I made a modified list of Dave Ramseys baby steps: Build a basic emergency fund of roughly $1000 (while continuing to make minimum payments on debt). My advice is to keep this fund in a brand-new bank account that isnt connected in any way to your other accounts, I said. You want to make this easy enough to access when you need it, but not so easy that you can just access the money on a whim.Pay off all debt using some version of the debt snowball method. When I was struggling, I couldnt figure out how to get out of debt, I said. Dave Ramseys version of the debt snowball helped me. In your case, Id use a slightly different version. Wallys car seems to be a huge psychological weight. You two need to prioritize that. After youve saved your emergency fund, throw as much money as you can at debt with everything extra you can find going to that car.Save an enhanced emergency fund equal to six months of normal expenses. After youre out of debt, beef up your savings. I know youll want to start saving for other goals right away, but dont. Take time to add some margin to your life. Youll be glad you did.Pursue long-term financial goals, such as traveling, moving to Idaho, or buying a motorcycle. You know whats awesome? I said. After youve taken time to pay off what you owe using the debt snowball, then you can immediately start building a wealth snowball. If youre paying $500 toward debt each month, then once that debt is gone you can immediately start saving $500 per month! That all sounds great, said Wally, but to be honest, J.D., in some ways your advice is just like the other advice. What do you mean? I asked. Well, its assuming that were starting from zero. But were not. Were starting with less than zero. I have an idea, said Jodie. What if we added a step zero to the baby steps? We could call it putting out the fires. Before we save the basic emergency fund, we could throw every dollar toward catching up on the car payments. I think thats fantastic, I said. In fact, I think thats really smart. If you can take some quick steps toward increasing your gap between earning and spending, then you should be able to get caught up on the car within a few months if nothing goes awry. Then you can pursue the plan Ive laid out. Wally nodded. I think that makes sense, he said. Final Thoughts After three hours on the back deck, I sent Wally and Jodie home with a handful of money books. I could tell their minds were bubbling with new ideas. (Is gas for the car a Want or a Need? Wally texted me yesterday afternoon. I love it!) I know that Wally feels frustrated. He hates being over forty yet feeling like hes in the same place he was when he was twenty. I get it. But heres the thing: He has to adopt a beginners mind. Start where you are, I wrote in January. Dont fret about the past or how other people are doing. Wally needs to accept that his situation is what it is and work to improve from that point. Knowing what I know about these two, I really do believe theyre capable of starting where they are starting with less than zero and destroying their debt in a relatively short period of time. It took me 37 months to get out of debt. (I started on 21 October 2004 and finished on 03 December 2007. Thats a total of 1139 days to pay off $35,196 in debt.) Progress was slow at first, but accelerated rapidly toward the end of that period. Wally and Jodie have exactly the same amount of debt as I did when I decided to become CFO of my own life. My challenge for them is this: Get out of debt quicker than I did. Do it in less than 1139 days. If we count yesterday as Day One, then 29 September 2021 would be day 1138. Wally and Jodie, my hope for you is that together you can be debt free by that date or sooner. What advice do you have for Wally and Jodie? What can they do to improve their financial situation? Did you start your financial journey with less than zero? Have you ever fallen behind on payments? If so, how did you handle it? How did you caught up? https://www.getrichslowly.org/less-than-zero/