#Feel like I have an anxious attachment thingy going on

[doink-boink]

It REALLY IS autism isn't it. My brain was destined to be wack

compilation

[eunkimmie]

I'm the type of reader that checks your i like you a latte fic on a biweekly basis and reread it multiple times because oh my god its so good! Comfort fic all the way 🧡🧡🧡

I saw that you did a few reaction thingies a while back, is it ok to ask the skelebros opinions of us as of the latest chapter? Ik they're mostly infatuated with us but to think what might be going through their head... oh boy

I hope your day is going well and i wish you all the happiness i can share! 💞

this is as of chapter 17 !

-

ut! sans

sans saw you as many things, things he could feel but not completely verbalize. he saw you as warmth, as a sunny day with the feeling of comfortably warm sun rays shining down on you, with an easy breeze tickling your skin. he saw you as the steam that rose up from a bubbling pot of hearty stew on a cold day. he saw you as the wildflowers that grew between the cracks in the sidewalk that bloomed so effortlessly. he couldn't rationalize all of the feelings that dawned on him when he saw you, when he spoke to you, and a part of him understood its because he didn't want to think about it. sans was logical, quick-witted, calculating. he was a guy who liked to joke around, but everyone who knew him deeper understood how intelligent he was. and being as smart as he was, sans knew that any potential feelings or attachments could be a danger for both you and him. and, yeah, he was still kind of working on the whole vulnerability thing, but he thought having any sort of romantic attachment was at its' best a distraction, and at its' worst a weakness. he wouldn't let himself think of you that way...at least, he was trying. as of right now, sans saw you as one of his closest friends, his ally, his safe space. but romantic? nah...probably for the best not to......

ut! papyrus

gods, papyrus adored you! you were wonderful, so friendly and thoughtful. but he also liked how you stood your ground. he knew his brother was in the wrong when the two of you got into an argument the other night, and though he loved his brother more than anything, he felt a bit of pride seeing you stand up for yourself in such a mature manner—especially since his brother could be so intimidating sometimes. and, yeah, he thought you were attractive...he thought you were a lot of things, really. probably too much to name, but as a start, he thought you were amazing. sweet, intelligent, outstandingly kindhearted. you were strong, self-made, and real. you were so real. and it sounds weird, but that's how he felt. you had your flaws and fears, things that made you anxious and things that made you cry. but he admired the way you carried yourself despite all of that, and he admired that you cried when you felt the need to cry. you were so utterly you, unashamed and sure of yourself—at least, that's how you seemed to him...so, yeah, he could admit he had a bit of a crush on you. love? well, he loved you very much as a companion. well—? did he? did he feel more? papyrus, he...honestly didn't know. but that didn't bother him one bit. feelings were things that he took in the present, feeling things when he felt them, simple as that. and if he were to come to the conclusion one day that he was in love with you? well, he would be happy with that, too.

us! sans

blue had...well, he'd had a crush on you from the start. he knew that, obviously. he had the desire to do romantic-y, date like things with you. he wanted to hold your hand and plant kisses on your forehead. he wanted to have more alone time with you, and sometimes he even felt a bit envious of others that you seemed to share a deeper connection with. though, he also knew well enough that you and him had a deep connection, too, so perhaps he had nothing to be worried about. you made him feel flustered when he was usually so self assured. but he kind of liked that. but, was he in love with you? well....no, honestly, he didn't think so. he knew he felt a deep fondness for you, of course, but he was cautious. he wanted to figure out his emotions more before he placed a concrete label on it—he thought that was smart. because if he concluded that he was in love with you, his brain would feel obligated to feel more jumbled around you. he didn't wanna rush his own emotions, and he didn't wanna pressure himself. so, as of right now, blue just...liked you. and he didn't think there was anything wrong with that. don't get him wrong, he liked you a lot, but love? yeah, later, probably.

us! papyrus

stretch? yeah, he thought you were cool. you were cute, he thought you were funny, cute, charming, did he mention cute? and it wasn't even all completely rooted in your physical appearance, it was how you carried yourself, too. your demeanors, your habits, it was all cute to him. but a crush on you? ...yeah, maybe, he wasn't too concerned with it. he knew he felt more attracted to you than most people, so did that mean he had a crush on you? he didn't know. and honestly, he was cool with leaving it that way. he was cool with not knowing until the opportunity or that eureka moment appeared on its' own. as of right now, if someone were to ask him, he'd probably just shrug. but, in his own mind, it was probably leaning to more of an intrigue.

uf! sans

oooh...you? gods, what wasn't there to be said about you? the way that you made him feel all flushed? the way you made him feel warm and fuzzy inside? the way that by even just looking at you, he felt like he had come home? he hadn't come to terms with his feelings yet because he was suppressing it. maybe if he wasn't such an emotional wreck he'd realize that, yeah, the guy was in love with you. not that he had figured that much out yet, but the thing he did know was that when he saw you he felt like he was floating. how long had it been since he'd met you? he forgets, because each moment he got to share with you felt like a new beginning for him. but, he knew he had to keep these thoughts to himself. it would only end with him getting hurt. he refused to believe that someone like you could feel the same way about someone like him.

uf! papyrus

you....gods, he really didn't wanna talk about it, honestly. but he knew you were bright, you were strong, and you were empathetic. you were someone who looked out for others, but you also knew when it was time to stand your ground. when you provided a vegetarian meal for poplar? yeah, edge wasn't the type to think of something like that. but you did. you tried your hardest to be good, and that was so different from him. edge was someone who knew who he was and knew what he wanted, but...he could still appreciate the person you were. you'd shown him kindness despite his initial rudeness towards you. you'd allowed yourself to show him trust despite the fact that he didn't trust you in the beginning. and that....yeah, that was enough to make him feel...something for you. he didn't know yet. he wanted to understand it all—he did, really. but he didn't. and he wasn't gonna try and force it.

ht! sans

recently, he'd come to a conclusion. and it scared the absolute fuck out of him. it terrified him, more than anything had in a long time. when he thought about how he felt towards you, it made him break out into a nervous sweat, and he did anything he could to get his mind off of it as soon as possible. because axe was in love with you. and he was well aware of it, though he wished he had remained blissfully ignorant. he wasn't gonna do anything about it, obviously. it would just create problems, but...well, it was a bit blurry. a gray area that irritated the hell out of him. didn't he deserve love? affection? it was spotty, after everything he'd done... but first and foremost, he needed to start healing himself, emotionally speaking. he wasn't going to pull you into his mess by saying anything about his feelings before he got his own shit together.

ht! papyrus

you were...cute. curious, and you made him feel just...good. you made him feel hopeful, alive. you made him feel so peaceful, a peace he once felt before everything happened back in his world. you made him feel normal. and poplar didn't wanna rush that feeling. he wanted to feel happy and live his life day by day. but, yeah, he liked you. he really did. a little crush, if anything. but for now, for the most part, he just wanted to have fun with you and his family. though, he was smart, so he was well aware that his fondness for you could grow into love with time, and he wouldn't have an issue with that one bit.

[skunked-up-kicks]

Omg... same... I don't remember my first reaction to that kevin-andrew staring line, but like for example, it took me a while to get why Nicky warned Neil not to look too much at Kevin. And when people interpret things sexually/romantically in the fandom I'm definitely surprised, like the cigarette pack in Andrew's back pocket turned into staring at his ass etc. I did find stuff like Andrew brushing Neil's back more telling, but I didn't read every moment from a sexual attraction lense u know

I don't know if my last ask made sense but basically same sometimes im like "oh you guys think this line is about attraction. ok. i didn't know that" i feel like i learnt to see the romance/attraction in most of it bc i remember i felt like neil for the longest time -- i didn't see the signs of 'attraction' a lot of the time, though i did see more blatant flirting

lil disclaimer thingy: i understand everyone reads book differently and is coming from different perspectives, and i'm not intending to shame anyone or anything, just wanna talk about my experience reading aftg.

so, if i'm being honest... i do genuinely find it so baffling that people read certain scenes (mainly book 1 scenes) as sexual. like you mentioned the infamous 'neil sussed the twins out by which one had a cigarette packet in their back pocket' scene that people have turned into 'neil was ogling andrew's ass'. which.. neil is a respectful king and would never, okay? i hate when ppl make him into a fucking creep :// but also it's a good example of an early moment in the series that showed how observant and clever neil could be so it also makes me sad that the moment got stripped of that in favour of it being sexual :(

anyway, besides sexual clearly not being how it's intended to be read, it's also weird to me because like... my mind was not at all in the place to be reading scenes as sexual when i first read that scene.

we've just been introduced to neil not that long ago, and he's been presented to us as a traumatized teenager who's been squatting in his highschool's gym locker room, seems to have a nicotine addiction, is really anxious, has seen his mum die, and i'm also pretty sure there's lines about how lonely neil is and about how much he's grieving his mum. not that long before the cigarette-in-back-pocket scene doesn't neil have a moment at the window where he thinks "one of us has to make it mum"??

what i'm very poorly trying to explain is that, at least when i first read the books, i was really attached to neil early on and more importantly i was really protective of him. cause he's a child really... and a very hurt and distressed one at that, who's in a new and clearly unsafe environment. andrew's group is not presented in a good light early on, so i was rightfully suspicious and untrusting of them. how people can be given a character like neil in a situation like that and be playing matchmaker almost immediately is... yeah.

like... my mind wasn't in the place to be going "oooo neil thinks one of them has a nice ass!!🥴🥴"... LIKE? the scenes before certainly aren't set up in a way that's leading you down that train of thought...

it's the same as the scene where neil puts andrew's hand under his shirt, people talked about seeing that as sexual too. but andrew's been raped literally like 2 or 3 pages ago??? when i read those kinds of posts i can't help but think "how is this what's on your guys minds right now??..."

plus, when people say they saw these moments as sexual attraction they are often also implying they were thinking "maybe they'll get together". which is why i mentioned that i didn't trust andrew's group, cause i assumed everyone else felt the same, so i also assumed that like me they wouldn't be thinking of neil possibly getting with any of them... cause if you don't think they're trustworthy... why would you? i just wanted to protect neil from them ngl :') the only other character i liked at the time besides neil was wymack cause he actually showed that he cared about neil's wellbeing.

even that scene where andrew runs his fingers also neil's back, i honestly thought andrew was trying to intimidate neil... cause i didn't fucking like or trust andrew! he had non-con drugged not that long ago and i was still pissed at him and his group at the time. plus, andrew had used touching neil as a way to try and intimidate him before that so. even if i had picked up on the fact that andrew was attracted to neil from that during my first read, i wouldn't have thought they'd be getting together, or even wanted them too lol.

also because, aside from what i've said, there was also the fact neil told us he didn't swing... some scenes happened before that but most that people talk about happened after. if i'm reading a book and i'm having moments where i'm thinking maybe someone is attracted to the main character it's because i assume something might actually happen!

but i believed neil was aro/ace and so i wasn't looking for moments of neil being attracted to people, or moments of others being attracted to him. i never really bothered trying to read between the lines, it never even crossed my mind for so long... cause i had already set my mind on "neil won't end up with anyone". i only remembering it occurring to me at the "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene.

and honestly, when that happened i remember thinking something like "andrew's gonna end up getting rejected". idk? i never doubted neil was aspec, i started off thinking he was aro/ace like i said but i never went "oh he's gay", i just went "oh so he's not aro/ace but he's somewhere on the spectrum of being asexual".

and also tbh... i liked that neil never thought of things sexually. it was nice :'( and seeing his own thoughts and actions getting interpreted in that way, especially after we should have been under the assumption he wasn't interested in things like that... it rubs me the wrong way.

(i know aro/ace ppl can have relationships and/or have sex, but the way neil presented his sexuality and acted when hit on. to me, it made it seem like he was completely uninterested in either)

i can understand going back through the book after reading for the first time and being like "oh andrew's actions or words here might have been partially motivated by his attraction to neil at the time!", but through the first read? and for neil?? it's weird to me...

this is quite long so sorry bout that lol, i think i'll leave it here. it's nice to see someone else feel a similar way anyway ;^;

again, i don't think it's wrong if people read it differently. it just confuses me cause it's so different from my experience reading it and what i would expect it to be like for others

[asmileyoucouldbottle]

elevator buttons (and morning air) - cressder

@winterrhayle THIS IS SO LATE I’M SORRY ELLIE ILY <3 for the smgh gift exchange!

word count: 2137

cress asks her (very cute) apartment neighbor to help her catch a spider, while struggling with infatuation.

- <3 -

“Um… hello?” 

The confused face of Cress’ next apartment neighbor searched her own, and Cress wondered if it was too late to back out.  They’d made eye contact exactly once  before, when they’d gotten in the elevator together. The girl had returned her smile, so Cress figured she was nice enough. 

A singular smile was probably not the best basis for asking a favor of someone at 7am. Especially this kind of favor. And talking to strangers was very high up on the list of “things Cress hates.” 

It was definitely too early for this. 

Then the sight of the spider that had crawled across her keyboard filled her mind and she shuddered in her slippers.

“Erm… hi.” Cress wound her hand in her hair, very aware that it was early and she’d probably just woken this girl up. However, as she looked her neighbor up and down, Cress realized that she looked very much awake- with a smudge of grease over her eye and hands covered in work gloves.

She also realized that grease, googles, and all, her neighbor was pretty.

Talking to strangers was one, very stressful, thing, but pretty strangers she was attracted to? Abort, abort. 

“Come in?” Cress was grateful as the stranger pushed the door open, despite the fact that she hadn’t managed to come up with anything to say. Cress shuffled in, her overlong t-shirt she’d slept in brushing her knees. Despite the grease stained work tank top her neighbor was wearing, she still had sleep shorts on, which made Cress feel a little better about being in her pjs. 

Cress cleared her throat awkwardly, her hands straying to braid her hair subconsciously. “I’m Cress, and I live next door?”

Great initiative! You sounded like you were asking her a question!

“Cinder.” The girl- Cinder- introduced herself hesitantly. “Nice to meet you?”

“Can you help me get rid of a spider?”  Cress blurted, hands in her hair coming to a standstill.

Cinder looked slightly taken aback, but bemused. “Sure?”

Cress breathed an internal sigh of relief. Thank God. She isn’t even looking at me like I’m weird. 

“I was finishing an assignment when a huge one went across my keyboard, and it was, like, three inches long. Well maybe not that big, but you get the point. I hate spiders… ” She realized she was starting to ramble and flushed, strangling her hands in her hair. “I’m sorry to bother you, especially in the morning.” She emphasised.

Cinder shrugged. “It’s no problem, I was up early working on an assignment anyways.”

The assurance gave Cress barely any relief. “I can offer you food?” She added, hoping to smooth over the fact that she existed.

Cinder laughed, and the slight tension in the room was released. “In that case, I’m sold.”

Cress peered over Cinder's shoulder, and caught sight of a workbench pushed against the corner of the room. Perched on the edge was what looked like… 

“A bot?”  Cress loved coding AI tech, and was actually majoring in computer science.

“Yeah, I’m a mechanic, well technically an engineer, but I do some other personal projects on the side.”

“That’s so cool!” Cress felt her grip loosen from it’s anxious hold. “I’m a coder, and AI tech is some of my favorite.” 

“Really? I have a bot named Iko, and she’s been mentioning something about color changing eyes? While she loves my physical additions and such, I’m sure she’d appreciate some technological improvements.”

Cress beamed. “Wow, a personal bot? I’d love to check her out sometime!”

“That would be great.” Cinder held her gaze for half a second, before they both looked away. It might’ve been Cress’ ever overactive imagination, but she could’ve sworn she felt sparks. Then again, that happened every time her useless lesbian self made eye contact with a pretty girl, but still.

What is this, a rom-com?

Cinder cleared her throat, before leading them to the door. “Show the way?”

Cress leapt at the opportunity immediately, leading them to her apartment. Cress pushed open the door, forcing herself not to jump away as soon as it opened a crack.

“I’ll go first.” Cinder must’ve noticed her anxiety, and she gave her a comforting smile that both soothed Cress’ heart and made it beat more erratically.

Taking a steadying breath, Cress followed Cinder in, leaving the door open in case she needed to make a quick exit.

Cinder grabbed a glass from the counter, which also made Cress feel lighter. Setting spiders free was better than killing them, even if they were spiders the size of her thumb.

“By your laptop right?” Cinder gestured to the work table, and Cress nodded with a nervous gulp. 

A leg crawled up and over the desk and Cress jumped, clinging to Cinder. The tan girl sagged under the sudden weight, one arm coming up to support her from underneath.

The sudden touch made Cress freeze. She realized her arms were wrapped around Cinder’s neck, and she was clinging rather tightly. I just quite literally jumped into a super cute stranger’s arms. Stars help me.

Cress considered hopping down, when the spider ran across the floor by Cinder’s feet.  She squeaked, and clung tighter. She vaguely thought of how awkward this must be to Cinder, but there no fucking way she was touching the same ground the spider was on. 

Also, Cinder was remarkably buff and did not seem to be struggling at all. 

Must be all the mechanic work? Cress thought with a slight flush.

Stop thinking about a girl’s muscles! We’re in the middle of a crisis here!

Cinder scuffed her foot, and the spider raced back up to the table. Cress winced, and watched through partially closed eyes in awe as with her free hand, Cinder dropped the cup upturned on the spider.

“I got it!” Cinder’s voice was right besides her ear, and Cress widened her eyes. The spider was indeed secure in the glass, and Cinder’s hair was in her eye.

With a blush, she fully realized her position once more. Her heart sped even faster than before, which she didn’t know was possible. Cinder smelled of car grase and faintly cinnamon. A combination that was shockingly attractive. The thought made her flush even deeper, as was the fact that her bare legs were gripping a small strip of the neighbor’s midsection where her shirt had ridden up.

“Ahaha,” Cress laughed awkwardly, doing a weird shoulder pat thingy. “Thank you.” Is this flirting? 

Cinder tilted her head to look at Cress, and from their position, the movement made their faces remarkably close. With yet another squeak, Cress dropped to the ground so fast she stumbled.

“You’re welcome.” Cinder’s voice was bemused as she bit her lip in an attempt not to smile. It was distracting, but soon Cress was giggling. Cinder joined her, and all her anxiety melted. 

“Alright, there’s still Part 2.” Cinder cautioned, gesturing to the spider. Cress considered it. 

“We can drop it in the flowersill.” Cress suggested, gesturing to the window.

“Flowersill?” Cinder repeated.

“Oh.” Cress flushed a tiny bit in embarrassment again. “I don’t exactly know the word for it but like, those cute little flower beds that attach to windows?”

Cinder shrugged with a smile. “Works for me.”

After poking around a bit, Cress came back with a piece of paper. Cinder bit back a smile again, and Cress found her gaze pulled to her lips. “This part might get a little scary, if you need to hop in my arms again.” She said it wryly, teasingly, but Cress suppressed the urge to bury her head in her hands and disappear forever.

Rather than jumping into Cinder’s arms again, she settled for hopping on the counter and keeping all parts of her body away from the table and floor. From her new perch, Cress watched as Cinder slid the paper under and brought the spider to the window to release it. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, Cress gave Cinder a wide smile when she turned back to her. Cinder smiled back, and her eyes crinkled. Cress’ heart fluttered again.

“So… grease huh?” Cress realized what a weird conversation starter that was and blushed as Cinder raised an eyebrow.

“Huh?”

“Well- you smelled like it and there was some above your eyes and well-” Cress stuttered to a rambling stop because she really didn’t know how to explain why she said that. She didn’t know why she said that.

“Oh.” It was Cinder’s turn to blush as she scrubbed at her eye. The grease stubbornly remained, and Cinder’s nose was wrinkling with concentration through the effort. Cress tried to repress a smile, but it was impossible.

“Here, let me help.” Reaching to the side, she picked up a cloth off the counter. Running it under water until it was damp, Cress gestured Cinder forward. Hesitantly, her neighbor stepped towards her, and Cress lifted the cloth. Carefully, she brushed away a few strands of hair, and Cinder’s breath hitched a bit. Cress thought hers did too. She gently rubbed at the grease, and with the soap on the cloth, it came off of Cinder’s reddening face with little effort. 

“Maybe we should try a collab sometime?” Cinder seemed to almost blurt it, catching Cress by such surprise she almost dropped the cloth. The moment had felt like a pause, and the disruption startled her. The girl had seemed so calm and collected, but the chink in the armor was just as nervous as Cress.

Despite her initial surprise, she glowed at the suggestion to spend more time getting to know her cute next door neighbor, and resisted jumping off the counter and spinning.

“That would be amazing.” Cress hopped a bit in excitement, and Cinder gave her a fond smile.

“Do you want to stay for breakfast?” Cress wasn’t sure what compelled her to ask, and she buried her hands back in her brown tangle of hair.

“Oh!” Cinder seemed pleasantly surprised, and Cress beamed. “That would be great!”

“How do pancakes sound?” Cress crossed to the fridge, practically buzzing with excitement as Cinder followed right behind her.

“Amazing. And can I help?” Cinder was right at her shoulder and Cress nodded, uncertain if she could find coherent words as she got out the supplies for pancakes.

Cinder grabbed a bowl that was, unbeknownst to her, filled with pancake powder.  Her face lifted in shock  as it poofed out of the bowl, covering her features in a layer of powder. Their laughs mingled as they poured water into the mix, and Cress felt lighter than she had in weeks. Cinder took to sitting while Cress heated the stove and got the eggs going. Occasionally, she would sneak a look over at powder-covered Cinder and grin to herself. One time she almost burnt the eggs as she got distracted.

"Here." Taking a dishrag from the stove handle, Cress swiped it quickly around Cinder's face - considering - a little too late that she just should've just given the rag to her. Two times in one day!

Cinder coughed a bit, her hands going to fiddle with the ends of her sleeves as she leaned back on her heels, pink in the cheeks.

"Thanks." She managed. Cress smiled, plating the eggs and getting ready to start cooking the pancakes.

After a few minutes, they had settled into a steady conversation about their studies and work. Cress filled with excitement as they discussed plans to build a robot that could make them ice cream. It had started as a joke, but the more they talked about it, the more realistic the idea became.

"I would make sure it has strawberry for myself." Cress was saying. "What about you."

"Butter pecan." Cinder responded immediately.

"Oooh, good choice. French vanilla would be my second."

"Me too!" Cinder replied. "Nothing wrong with a classic."

"Agreed!"

The more they conversed, the more Cress was enamored with Cinder's wit and sharp mind. She'd always been a romantic, falling in love quickly. But she'd learned her lesson in the past, and was happy to bide her time and truly get to know Cinder.

A timer on her phone rang, and Cress jumped.

"My first class is in 15 minutes."

"Oh!" Cinder stood up as well. "Yeah.. here's my number." She scribbled it on a napkin. Cress grinned as she wrote hers on another napkin.

Handing it off to Cinder, their fingers brushed. It was far from the first contact they’d had this morning, but it filled Cress with a feeling of hope nonetheless.

Cinder tipped her head, giving Cress a simultaneously sweet and wry smile. “Call me if you see any more spiders.”

Cress laughed, waving at Cinder on her way out. “Will do.” 

She knew that spiders weren’t the only thing she’d be calling about.

[thewhizzyhead]

mood atm: currently rereading a lot of watt fanfics and also basically replaying the entire watt boot in my head for hints cauSE GODDAMNIT I KNOW THERE ARE SOME CHEERWIVES-CHECKATE PARALLELS HERE BUT I JUST CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT like obvious character traits aside (riley & chess being the friendlier ones in their respective duos and having um overachiever-ish traits in a way that they both seem to fear disappointing people whie cairo & kate are um not only attached and not-so-secretly in love with their best friends but also seem to be almost the polar opposites of both riley and chess in a way that both are very brash, stand-offish, and kinda bitchy), i really feel like there is something kinda eerily similar in their motivations and friendship dynamics. Like um i kinda feel like in a way, chess and kate are basically what riley and cairo want to be since um in my opinion:

(also credits to @ari-is-anxious for like a big chunk of my ramble cause a lot of the things im gonna say here are basically rephrased versions of their tag rambles so yea credits to them and go check them out!!) (Also check read more for a more lengthy and detailed ramble about um the cheerwives-checkate thingy)

(1) riley's whole thing is that she wants the team to be worthy of not being called the "worst team ever" and prove herself as a worthy captain - chess had already achieved something similar through being a really freaking good gymnast worthy of going to the Olympics (I remembering reading a post or a fic back then that suggested that Riley could have resented Chess for um having all these opportunites and basically throwing it all away which could be another minor reason on as to why she killed her and I think that interpretation has some merit),

2) Cairo wants to have a closer friendship with Riley akin to the one they had way back then (woo Eighth grade woo) her umm i guess "obsession" (i don't think that's the right word fnsnd maybe investment?? interest???) towards Chess and Kate's friendship (which imo is rather apparent when she teases kate and when she and kate fight right after Phoenix) could be interpreted as jealousy especially towards Kate since she has what Cairo wants - a closer relationship with her best friend & a best friend that actually doesn't push her away

and 3) (although this is kinda wishful thinking on my part) i think both Riley and Cairo want the relationship that Chess and Kate have: a really close friendship that isn't competitive or concerningly codependent at all AND a friendship with healthy communication and a much healthier um support system (to be fair Checkate also had these problems i.e the scene before BTB but only the audience knows that, in Riley and Cairo's POV, everything is going fine between the two of them and (in Cairo's POV) both are basically girlfriends; also let's face it Checkate is a much healthier friendship that Cheerwives). It is rather obvious that both Chess and Kate value each other very much and as shown in Wallflower, that is exactly what Riley and Cairo want from each other: to be valued and to have their efforts be respected.

then i knOW that Riley, Cairo and Kate being the main MAIN characters of WATT (credits to @ari-is-anxious for the Soldier, Poet, King comparison, also really check out their tags on their posts cause their tag analysis are GREAT!!!) has i dunno sOMETHING to do with the whole checkate-cheerwives parallel thing BUT I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS EXACTLY JDJSJV BUT LIKE UM in a sense of how Kate and Cairo react to the events in WATT, they are kinda um two sides of the same freaking coin cause um Kate - with her always at Chess' defense in Act 1 and wanting to avenge her death - kickstarts the plot of Act 2 by being the first to suggest that they should go to the police and by being the first to suspect that the killer is one of them (the latter is her very much on Defense mode - pun intended) then Cairo, who convinced everyone to frame Mattie in Defense which then also pushes the plot even further - starts IDK and goes on to suspect and question eVERYONE BUT RILEY aka her also going on the defensive because at this point i think it's very much agreed upon that by Wallflower Reprise, she already knew who the killer is).

So yea it is evident that the two girls want to preserve what is left of their respective relationships (kate kinda mentions this in the argument after Phoenix) by defending their best friends at any cost - thereby moving the plot. aND THEN THERE'S ALSO THE WHOLE THING ABOUT CHESS AND RILEY BOTH BEING FRAMED AS THE HEROES IN THIS SCENARIO (i have seen a lit of people say that they thought Chess was gonna be the hero here) AND THERE ARE A LOT MORE STUFF THAT I WANNA RAMBLE ABOUT BUT GOD I'M BAD AT BEING SPECIFIC JUST UM KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING THERE SO BRJFJSJDJ

[sapphireplums]

You’re Not Alone

Description: Y/N Barber the twin sister of Jacob Barber decided to go for a jog one day, but who knew her whole life can change in matters of seconds.

Warnings: angst, language, sexual assault -DON'T READ IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE

Pairing: Andy Barber x Daughter!Reader Jacob Barber x Sister!Reader

A/N:  if any of you guys have ever been assaulted in any type of way, i'm so sorry that has happened to you. you guys are all beautiful and strong human beings. if anyone wants to talk my inbox is open :) 

While reading this, listen to lovely by billie eilish. it really sets the mood for the story. 

 REQUESTS ARE OPEN BABES

A second. It only took seconds for you to not pick up your phone call from your brother. It was one of those moments where you did not to pick up the phone because you were distracted. But because of that, it almost cost you your life. 

 THREE HOURS BEFORE THE ASSAULT

♧ 

You and your older twin brother Jacob were walking home from school arguing about what dog is cuter. You know, the ususal twin stuff.

“No, Jake, German Shepherds are the cutest dog out.” You said with confidence.

“No, Y/N, Corgi’s are the cutest obviously.” Your twin brother kept saying. “ And I'm obviously right because I'm older than you by 49 seconds.”

He always used the ‘older twin’ card on you.

The argument lasted about a few minutes until you guys just gave up and agreed that they were both cute. However, in your mind , you kept saying German Shepherds were better.

“I’m hungry Jake. What do you think we’re going to have for dinner tonight?” You said as your stomach was rumbling.

“ You thinking what I’m thinking?” Jacob said with a smirk knowing that your twin telepathy was tingling. 

“Ohhh yessss.” Then you both shouted at the same time:

“KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN.” 

When you guys got home, you saw your mom on the couch typing something on her laptop. 

“Hey kids, how was school today?” Laurie said looking up from her laptop.

“It was good mom” You said and you gave Jacob the look basically saying ‘tell mom we want kfc’

Jacob groaned. “Mom can we get kfc for dinner? Me and Y/N have been craving it for a while”

“Is that your guys’ twin thingy where you want the same thing and think the same thing?” Laurie said smiling at the thought of  how her kids got along so well and had a strong sibling bond.

“ Yes mom, yes it is.” you said as chips were being stuffed into your mouth. “But can we actually get kfc though? Jake and I have been craving it for a while.”

“Sure you guys, I’ll pick it up around the time you dad will come home”

“Thanks Mom.” You both said at the same time. 

Going up to your guys’ room, Jacob turned on his video games while you were watching YouTube. 

He was talking to his gaming friend through the earpiece yelling words at him and the tv.

You just rolled your eyes and smiled slightly at your brothers actions. Closing your laptop, you looked outside the window and saw that it was a nice day, so you asked Jacob if he wanted to take a jog with you. 

“ Hey Jake, do you want to take a jog with me? It’s really nice outside right now.”

“ Sorry, maybe not this time sis. I’m really into this game.” Jacob said making you frown slightly.

“It’s okay Jake maybe next time.” Jacob turned his head towards you and smiled in agreeance. 

You got ready and then tied your shoes when you were near the door. 

“Mom, I’m going for a jog!” You yelled as you finished tying your shoes. 

“Okay honey be home before dinner.” Your mom said as she was washing the dishes. 

Running around the block, you took in the fresh air of the moisture that was in the air. Living in Massachusetts also meant wet weather which you loved. Summer wasn't really your favorite season but it was Jacobs. Being twins doesn’t mean you all like the same thing.

You and Jacob had the best sibling relationship not because you were twins, but that you just bonded in general. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for you and you thought the same.

Getting tired from the constant running, you decided to take a walking break and scroll through Instagram. As you were scrolling, your screen lit up with your dads contact picture. It was the two of you on a fishing trip making funny faces.

“Hey dad how’s work?” You asked slightly out of breath due to the running. 

“ Hey Sweetheart, after work I’m going to go to the grocery store and get those cookies you really like and I was thinking you and I can have a movie night?” 

“Dad, you know I’m always up for movie night” you chuckled. “What about Jake and mom?”

“Mom texted me saying that she was going to go shopping for swim trunks or something and Jake is going too so it's just going to be you and me.” 

“Okay dad, sounds good to me can’t wai-” 

“I’m sorry honey I have to go back now, I’ll see you at home. I love you.”

“I love you too dad.” He hung up the phone rather quickly but you didn’t think much of it because you were going to see him at home anyways

Well so you thought. You thought you were going to be home at your normal time. Thinking that it would just be another normal day, but it would be far from that.

After the short walking break and talking to your dad, you decided to start your jogging again. Jogging was one of the activities you liked to do after a long day to release the stress that was contained in you. Sometimes you would go with Jacob but today he didn’t feel like it.

Imagine if you just stayed on call a little longer with your dad or if Jacob went with you. Everything would be different. Every decision you make on a day to day basis affects your life.

When jogging,  up ahead you saw a man drop a box full of what looked like children's toys like dolls and race cars. Being the nice person you were, You approached the man and helped him pick up the toys.

Oh what a big mistake. 

“Oh, sir, let me help you with that,” you said bending down picking up the toys that were on the ground. 

“Thank you so much, darling,” the man said with a somewhat creepy smile, but you brushed it off.

Your phone started to buzz and you saw your screen light up with Jacob’s face, but you ignored it as you were still helping the man.  You were thinking of just calling Jacob back later when you had the chance. 

If you had the chance.

After helping the man, he stated his thanks to you. 

“Thank you again, honey,” you really started to get freaked out by this man especially since he was calling you these names. 

You gave him a nervous smile. “  You’re welcome, but I should get going now,” you said but before you could turn around and go back home, the man grabbed your wrist tightly, preventing you from going anywhere. 

“You are right where I want you sweetheart”

Before you could scream, he covered your mouth with a wet towel. The smell was really bad. Next thing you know, you’re knocked out like a light switch. 

♧

You woke up with a pounding headache. Trying to flutter your eyes open, you noticed you were in the backseat of a van. The next thing you saw made you panic. Your hands tied with your feet attached to them making it look like a fetus position. 

Before you could try and do anything, the man opened the doors to the van, revealing a wicked grin. Your eyes grew wide when he started to grow closer to you with duct tape. 

“Shhh don’t worry love I won't take long.”

You were confused what he meant by that. What did he mean he won’t take long?

That’s when it hit you like a truck. You were about to get raped. 

He started to put his hands around your breasts, trailing it up to your cheeks. He held your cheeks and stared into your eyes intently. This is when the tears started to come out. You couldn’t say anything since your mouth was duct taped, but you tried to move frantically though it didn’t do anything.

He started to take down his pants and he basically ripped your leggings in half.

Why did this have to happen? You were only being a good person, helping a man, and this is what happens in return.

DURING THE SAME TIME AT HOME

♧

Jacob was starting to get worried and anxious. It’s been over an hour and you wouldn’t answer your phone. He probably called you literally a hundred times but still no answer. He asked your mom to call you to see if you would answer.

It went straight to voicemail.

Jacob started to panic even more. He decided to call your guys’ dad to see if he knows where you were.

The line started to ring. Then he picked up.

“Hey Jake, I was wondering if-” he was cut off by Jacob frantically asking him if he knew where you were.  

“Dad! Did Y/N ever call you or anything?” Jacob frantically said to his father. 

“ I talked to her about a couple hours ago, is everything alright?

“I-I don’t know dad. She didn’t come home after her jog and I’m getting a really bad twin vibe” 

“Shit, okay Jake, I’ll be home as soon as I can.” With that Jacob hung up the phone. 

“God Y/N/N, I hope you’re okay” Jacob said with tears on the verge of coming out. 

When you woke up, you noticed that the familiar smell around your mouth. The man must have knocked you out. A burning pain was prominent in the lower half of your body. Everything started to come together. With your ripped pants and the bruises all over your body, you pieced everything together. 

You were raped.

All of the thoughts in your head, you didn’t even notice that you were not in the van anymore, no, you were at a park.

This park was all too familiar. It was the park you and Jacob loved when you were kids. You got up but fell back down due to the agonizing pain. 

The pain was unbearable. Tears threatening to come out of your eyes when you wanted to forget what happened. 

But you couldn’t forget.

You laid there on the cold cement floor.

♧

The Barbers were in panic when they couldn’t find you. They had called the cops after being gone for six hours. 

The police didn’t find you yet and frankly, they were doing a lousy job at it. 

“Fuck it, I’m going to go for a drive and see if I find her” Andy said while stomping towards the front door.

“I’m coming with you.” Jacob said without question.

His baby sister was missing, he couldn’t just stay home and do nothing. Andy shook his head.

“No, Jake you need to stay here with your mother.” Before Jacob could object, a officer wanted to question him maybe knowing where you could be. 

Andy drove around the neighborhood first, but no luck. He drove about another couple blocks where he stumbled upon a park. He knew the park. It was you and Jacob’s favorite park.

He slowly drove past the park to see if there was any luck. At this point, Andy almost gave up and went back home until he saw something.

Andy’s eyes widened with fear and joy when he saw you, his baby girl, at the park. But his smile fell when he saw you laying on the ground.

What if you were dead? Andy thought to himself

“ Oh my God, Y/N!!!” Andy basically sprinted towards you.

You could barely get out the words since your throat was sore from crying so much. 

“Daddy?!” You said weakly with tears on your cheeks and your eyes bloodshot from the crying. 

“Y/N what happened?” 

But before you could answer, he saw your ripped pants, bruises on your body and the blood coming out near your legs.

“Oh my God, Y/N please tell me you weren’t raped?” Andy said with sadness but also extreme anger knowing that there was a bastard out there who possibly touched you. 

You could barely get out the words but all you said was “ I was d-daddy.”

Andy was furious at this point his worst nightmare came true. 

“ Y/N I’m so sorry. If only I stayed on the phone with you a little longer I could have-” You interrupted your father knowing this wasn’t his fault. 

“Dad, this was not your fault.” 

Andy still looked at you with sad eyes, but despite what happened to you, he was just happy that you were alive. 

“Come on baby let's go home” Andy said while carrying you bridal style.

“ I’m so sorry dad. I was just helping this one guy and-and he-” 

You started to stumble on your words but your dad stopped you.

“ No no baby you don’t have to say anything now. But know Duffy might ask you some questions so we can catch the guy okay?”

You just nodded at your dads words not wanting to say anything. 

♧

On the drive home Andy heard you sniffling he reassured you with comforting words. 

“Honey, it’s okay, you’re safe now nobody is going to hurt you now.” 

You thought back to when Jacob was calling you. “ You know Jake called me when I was helping that man,” you started. “ If only I answered his call this probably wouldn-”

You were cut off by your father. “Y/F/N do not say that. None of this was your fault it was that son of a bitches fault” 

You were taken aback when your dad cussed and then you chuckled softly. “Woah dad, I didn’t know you tolerated that type of language” 

Andy just laughed, but before you could say anything else, you noticed you were home. 

Jacob and Laurie were outside talking to police officers, but they turned around and saw you in the car.

Jacob eyes widened and was the first to run towards you and give you a hug. When he broke the hug, he looked at you and saw your bruises which made him fume with anger, but he would worry about that later. He was just happy you were home.

“Y/N oh my god are you okay?!” you just nod your head. 

You went to give Laurie a hug which lasted short when a voice spoke up. 

“ Hi Y/N, I’m detective Duffy, I work with your father and I’m sorry to ask you this but we need to question you while your mind is fresh.”

“Duffy can’t this wait until later we just found her.” Andy said while looking back at his daughter.

“No dad it’s okay I’ll be fine.” Jacob gave you sad eyes of sympathy, but you gave him a reassuring smile. 

♧

“So Y/N, tell me from the start of what happened?” Your family was there to support you. You wanted them to be there. 

You started from the beginning with the jog, the man dropping the toys, the chloroform, the van, the pain in your lower area, everything.

Laurie just cried into Andy’s shoulders while his fists were clenched white. He was so angry. No, not at you, but at the fact that he couldn’t protect you. 

Jacob held your hand the entire time while you told Duffy what happened. He was angry that he didn’t go on the jog with you. He was mad that he couldn’t protect his baby sister. 

“Im so sorry this has happened to you Y/N, you should have not gone through that. We will find the man and he will be punished for his crimes.” 

You nodded and smiled slightly at Duffy. 

♧

After all the cops left, you didn’t know what to do. You were still traumatized.

Your head was resting on Andy’s lap and your legs were on Jacobs. You were dozing off, but you were scared to sleep or eve close your eyes. 

Everytime you closed your eyes, you just saw the man. Jacob seemed to notice this because you flinched a little. 

He rubbed your leg with reassurance telling you that you’re okay now. 

“ Y/N you can finally sleep now. We’re here for you, you don't have to worry about anything.” Jacob said to you

That's when everything broke. You couldn’t handle it anymore tears and sobs were everywhere.

Your family all gave you a hug with love evident in it. This is when you finally knew you were safe. 

You then spoke up while drying your tears. “Can we still get KFC?” you said with a smile. Everyone just laughed and that’s when you finally knew you had a loving family and you couldn’t be anymore thankful than that. 

♧

A/N :OMGGg I cried writing some of this ahhhh. I might make a part 2 depending if I get any ideas and if this doesn’t flop. 

Taglist for ‘You’re Not Alone’;OPEN

@cloudystevie​

Permanent Taglist; OPEN

@tvckerlance​ @lozzypoz321​ @princess-evans-addict​

[delirious-and-slightly-murderous]

Oh friend you've so many exciting WIPs but please tell me about The Color of Corn and The Nightmare Before Christmas!! 💕✨

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Wow okay so, first The Nightmare before Christmas. This one is kinda a 2x1. As it happens with some of my WIPs when I have 2 stories from the same idea I just put them in the same file. And whichever picks my interest most wins and gets written. (If I do write it that is😅). So first is a pretty standar TNBC AU because well, Jack Skellington Andrés, that's why. Here's the snippet:

The wind howled as it collided with the cold stone of the tower.

Martín shivered despite not being cold. He felt queasy and anxious, he hoped he had calculated the dose of deadly nightshade right, he didn't want a repeat of last time.

He took his bag and balanced himself on the edge of the window, looking down at the darkness below. He wouldn't die, he couldn't but the doctor had been nice enough to make him capable of feeling pain. And it hurt, it hurt like nothing else did. 

He clutched his basket tighter and took a deep breath, thinking of a crooked smile and the moon reflecting on pearly white teeth. He needed to go out, to be free for at least a while. And seeing Andrés was worth the couple minutes of debilitating pain.

He closed his eyes and let go.

The impact with the ground was hard and painful. His mind whited out, scrambling his thoughts. All he was capable of was an incoherent tidal wave of 'hurts, hurts, HURTS, holly Satan's undies, it hurtsssss!'

Slowly, after an eternity of fire that stretched into the space of a minute, he became increasingly aware of himself. Everything burned and he felt all over the place. He opened his eyes to confirm and yes it was going to take a while. 

Thankfully one of his arms has stayed attached, which would make it all easier. He put his other arm back in place, and started the long and tedious process of retightening his seams and putting everything back in place.

By the time he was done, the pain had subsided into a dull all encompassing ache that he could push to the back of his consciousness. He checked his limbs one last time and started walking towards the town center. His body heavy and aching but his heart light and fit to burst.

He didn't notice his nose and left nipple lying half visible at the bottom of the tower.

(So yes that's part of it, it's a work in very slow progress🥴)

And then the other idea is basically a cracky Christmas fic. 

So the premise is that it's post mint (and maybe post bank too, idk), and the banda plus Martín are all living in the monastery or something. It's the day before Christmas and Martín's longing for Andrés gets so bad while watching him ignoring Martín and flirting with the women that he wishes he could have a life without Andrés and those pesky feelings of his and proceeds to get black out drunk. 

So next morning he wakes up and at first everything is normal and then bam! Andrés is nowhere to be seen, he is apparently married to SERGIO and they have KIDS! While all the rest is pretty much the same, he's still a criminal mastermind. 

So he's trying to figure out what the hell's going on and how to wake up from this nightmare when Christmas day comes around. And his husband's estranged brother shows up. His raging libertine and homosexual diva of a brother shows up. A brother Martín apparently HATES with all his heart. 

Oh and said brother, Andrés by the way if you had any doubts, not only shows up in the most mind boggling and gayest outfit, he doesn't come alone. He's accompanied by his two (2) boyfriends! A tall, tall and stoic man who goes by Marsella and a twink named Aníbal (who by the way one of his and Sergio's 'kids' can't stop flirting with). 

This is Martín's worst nightmare. He wants to wake up right now. Or possibly die, he's not picky.

Here's the snippet:

Martín was going crazy. That was the only possible explanation. He had finally drank too much wine and he was currently lying in some hospital bed in an ethylic coma. No other way around it.

Waking after getting so drunk to find himself in bed with Sergio was not at all what Martín had expected. And while he started silently panicking and trying to remember at which point of last night's drunken debauchery he had decided to pay Sergio a visit, the other man had woken up and smiled at him. 

Martín's brain had short circuited when Sergio, SERGIO, Andrés' nerdy librarian of a brother had kissed him. He had kissed him and pushed his very impressive morning wood (and who the fuck knew Sergio was so well endowed, Martín would be horny if it wasn't you know, Sergio) against him while simultaneously slipping a hand into the back of his pants and between his ass cheeks. 

Martín had become so impossibly rigid it felt like he would snap like a guitar string. When he was once again capable of movement, he had Sergio's tongue halfway down his throat and an insistent pointer finger pushing against his clamped up asshole. 

He had scrambled out of bed so hastily that he had almost cracked his skull open on the bedposts. Not saying anything before running to the bathroom like a soul out of hell. 

Hours later after the weirdest breakfast of his life where he finds out he and Sergio are apparently married and Andrés is nowhere in the picture, here he is. He went to sleep in the hopes of just actually waking up.

But apparently the universe is laughing at his misery. 

Because an undeterminded amount of time later, something wakes him and he immediately knows he's still trapped in this nightmare. He stays relaxed and doesn't open his eyes, hoping whatever it was that woke him will just go away.

"¡Papi!" 

Martín's breath dies inside his chest. Now there are a number of things wrong with what he just heard. First 'Papi' is not a word he often hears. If he does hear it, it normally comes from his own mouth in a much breathier tone while in the middle of much more interesting activities. And secondly if for whatever reason he somehow changed his preferences and it's his current partner calling him that, well it sure as hell wouldn't be in a female voice. 

His hysteric internal monologue is interrupted by another, this time distinctly male voice.

"Papi, wake up." 

That's when he notices that he knows those voices, they are familiar. He wonders what he did to deserve ending up in a hell like this. He would greatly prefer the stereotypical flames and eternal torture over this any day. He feels sick and holds back his nausea.

Finally he opens his eyes to come face to face with Tokio and Denver looking down at him.

"Hola papi, what a grumpy face, sorry for waking you. Papá said not to do it, but aren't you going to say hi to your kids?"

This time Martín doesn't hold back anything.

As he is expelling what feels like his whole stomach, he's distantly glad that he managed to be spectacularly sick all over Tokio's ugly shirt. 

(I've really got no excuse for this😅)

And finally the Color of Corn is a thingy I talked about here.

But you can have another snippet, this one goes immediately after the other one:

The sun is burning and ruthless. The air is wet and heavy, oppressing. The dense sheen of sweat covering his skin doesn't help with the stifling atmosphere, making him feel sticky and disgusting. Finally when his uncle decides to make a pause and rest, they've worked about half of the field. Martín feels ready to throw himself into a lake of freezing water, letting it consume him, dragging him down to the bottom like a dead carcass. He lost his shirt a while ago. He couldn't take the uncomfortable feeling of cloth rubbing against drenched skin anymore. He goes to sit at the back of the tractor, wincing at the touch of the scorching metal. Relaxing slightly as he eats soggy jam sandwiches and warm beer.

"You know you can go right?" His uncle asks, sitting beside him and looking at the horizon with dead and glassy eyes. "There is nothing stopping you from taking your things and fucking off. You aren't a kid anymore."

Martín stares at him thoughtfully, then he directs his glance to the faraway line where the sky meets the earth. There is nothing to see, just miles and miles of golden corn as far as the eyes can reach. Truth is Martín doesn't know how to answer. Logically he knows this, he is aware of it and has thought of leaving more than once. He's thought exactly that, taking his things and leaving. But he also knows he is never going to do it. He is utterly incapable of it. He doesn't know what he would do. His whole life all he's known is his little town in the middle of nowhere Argentina, and the golden shine of corn. And, even if he doesn't like to admit it, if he ever left he would be completely lost. As far as he can remember corn has always been present. His constant omnipresent companion. Want it or not, it's his life and always will be.

"Yes I know,'' comes his absentminded answer.

His uncle stares at him for a minute. His tired eyes seemingly looking for something.

"What happened to that friend of yours, Andrés was it?"

"What with him?" He says sharply, his tongue cutting, mimicking the exact feeling that name evoques.

"You two used to be attached at the hip and now it's been a while since I last saw him."

Martín has been trying to forget all about that. If he's being honest, he's not doing a great job of it. But Martín has never been terribly honest, not even with himself, and he's not going to start now, so he enjoys telling himself he is forgetting.

"That's because he's going back to Spain. Haven't seen him since he told me."

"Well, he's been calling you, did you know?" His uncle scratches at his beard. "You should call him back."

"I don't want to talk about this." That's not a lie, Martín really does not want to talk about Andrés, especially not with his uncle.

"You are aware both phones are connected right?"

Martín becomes rigid. "He's getting married."

"I can respect limits, but don't fool yourself like that." The older man shrugs and gets up to keep working.

Martín feels angry. His uncle doesn't understand. Couldn't possibly understand. Life is easy for a man like him. He wants to tell him to go to hell.

When finally his anger dies down, choked and overwhelmed by the infernal heat, Martín almost laughs at the recognition of his anger towards his uncle for what it truly is. The anger and spite of an immature kid when confronted with the ugly truth.

Martín knows that he's lying to himself. He just doesn't know about what.

When night falls, they go back to the farmhouse. His uncle goes straight to bed but Martín cannot fall asleep. He's bored of himself and his own mind. He goes out and lies down in one of the cornfields, feeling gravity press down on his chest. He falls asleep imagining the sea of corn rocking him gently.

Everything is dark, there isn't a single noise, not even from insects. The corn is still, not moving one bit, consumed by the darkness.

(I'm really proud of this one😊.)

So that's it. Wow this got long. Hope you liked it and thank you for asking friend.

🥰

(P.S: Did my ask reach you? I'm severely traumatised now😑)

[gordvendomewhore]

heyo this was supposed to be attached to a reblog of @schoolfullofmorons‘s post but it is so outrageously long and has taken several days and therefore is its own post now LMAO

because this is super long, everything is gonna be under the keep reading thingy teehee

anyway,,, i present to you: all nine preppies, and how they would act during quarantine 

(please note that these are just headcanons and honestly are pretty ooc considering the fact they’re all assholes who would protest quarantine with signs that say “WE WANT HAIRCUTS” but GOD i just wanna pretend they’re decent people for a day or two)

derby:

thinks the virus is a joke and would 100% protest quarantine, but still gets SUPER antsy and jumpy when anyone coughs or sneezes around him

wastes a bunch of water and half a bottle of soap washing his hands for ten minutes straight, but totally not because he’s scared or anything!! the virus still totally isn’t real!!!

since there’s only the household help he can boss around, derby gets bored and lonely pretty quickly, and misses feeling in control.

in attempts to fix this, he tends to call up bif or some of the other preps just to half heartedly yell at them about every little inconvenience that happens in his day to day life, but they’re really dismissive and say things like, “yes, yes, derby, whatever you say.”

(they all know derby is just expressing how he misses them in the only way he knows how.)

derby probably spends a bunch of time lounging around the house, watching the workers do their thing and thinking about how he’s sooooo much better and fancier and richer than them.

however,,,,,, he ends up watching them so often and so intently that the workers get confused and wonder if derby is interested in trying out what they do around the house (cleaning, cooking, gardening, etc.)

so they offer to teach derby, and of course, derby gets wildly upset and most likely threatens both their jobs and their lives haHa

it doesn’t stop him from watching just a tiny bit closer though, you know,,,, just to make sure that these paupers are doing everything to the harrington standard

derby pays off the teachers to keep his grades up and acknowledges school in absolutely no other way.

bif:

while bif is concerned about the virus, he doesn’t really care about school closing down.

school was never his main priority, but he’ll still make sure to tune into a couple of his online classes every week because of the sheer guilt that starts to pile up over time.

however he will NOT do anything with his assignments except read over them, and similar to derby, pays off a nerd to do his homework for him to make it seem like he’s actually doing something.

BUT you can totally bet that bif is one thousand percent upset over the boxing gym being closed down!!

he still has his personal gym in his mansion, which he now uses a lot (partially because he has so much time to kill, but also because he’s still butthurt over jimmy’s scrawny ass beating him)

but it’s not the same because now he can’t train with the other preps!!!!!

how will he know if they’re improving? or if they have the proper stance??? or if they’re swinging with the right force????? or if—

but yeah, bif makes sure to check up on the preps every once in awhile to see their boxing progress

he finds quarantine to be incredibly quiet and empty, in a literal and metaphorical sense.

he isn’t lonely per say, bif actually finds a lot of peace in the silence!

he gets a lot more time to think than he normally does and that’s a gift within itself.

...but his days are usually filled with never ending whining and the loud screaming of faux accents, so the sudden change feels strange, but not unwelcomed.

(plus he still has derby bothering him 24/7 so it’s not like much has changed anyway LMAO)

bif may not admit it out loud, but he misses his prep family clique members a whole lot. :(

gord:

this bitch couldn’t care less about the whole situation.

he spends his days at home binging every movie and tv show known to mankind, expanding on his beauty care regimen, and doing major amounts of online shopping; daddy’s card isn’t gonna just spend itself after all!

he’s actually clearing out the entire aquaberry stock as we speak.

gord is aware of the dangers of the virus, but hey, he’s not stepping a foot outside anytime soon, and he’s always been the hygienic type, so why stress over something out of his control?

this king is absolutely thriving, the outside world truly does not matter to him anymore.

(but did it ever?)

gord will admit that he misses his friends, but it’s not like he has no means of communication with them!

you can bet your ass that every single prep is being hit up with a selfie of gord‘s magnificent face every single day of the WEEK baybee.

gord would also be the time to experiment with new hobbies and activities, yknow like a bunch of random shit like knitting or wood carving just to say he’s actually done something during quarantine.

he’s also the type of person to get really obsessed with social media quarantine too LMAO he probably gained thousands of followers on twt or tiktok or some shit for thirst trapping

gord would 100% open an onlyfans too, but he doesn’t need the money

plus, the world already can’t handle him and he CANNOT be held responsible for the chaos that will ensue if he does more than mere thirst traps

with school, he skips out on the online classes for subjects he doesn’t take an interest in, but rigorously studies for the ones he does care about (especially if they’ll play a big part in law school!!!

tad:

oh poor baby, he’s stuck at home with his horrible excuse of a father.

tad, like the other preps, doesn’t care for school (“money gets you farther in life than education ever will,” derby harrington at some point), but that doesn’t stop him from sucking himself into his education.

he attends all his online classes, does all his homework, studies optional material, does extra credit, anything to keep his mind away and busy from his dad.

(idk what tad’s dad does for a living but let’s just pretend he’s an essential worker and is out of the house often because i do Not Want tad suffering more than he has to)

he’ll take lots of walks around the neighborhood, and spends a lot of time hanging in the park.

plus gord usually calls him every other day or so to keep him company and the two will just chill together and talk.

tad probably gets into some soft hobbies like keeping up a diary, sewing, painting, and maybe even slowly picks up baking again.

gord probably sent him a bunch of tiktoks of people making frog bread and tad knew in his heart that he needed to make frog bread too LMAO

tad is canonically the type of person that would bake for your bday, so he experiments around with cakes and sweet treats in general he thinks the other preps would like.

there’s an Entire Fridge in his house dedicated to his baked goods now. that’s how often tad bakes.

he also looks forward to the day he can see his friends again and plans out all the things they’ll do once they’re reunited.

the preps are more of a loving family than his real family ever was, and tad doesn’t plan to let that fact go by unnoticed in the future :))

parker:

he lowkey goes insane.

parker has no idea what to do with himself now that he’s stuck at home with his parents and sister.

don’t get him wrong, he really loves his family, and genuinely enjoys the family activities his mother forces them to bond over, but what else is there to do?

he’s bored.

plus, parker gets up in his head way too often, and now there’s nothing to distract him.

he never really had any particular hobbies, and you will never catch him doing school work (he pays off his teachers).

and even though being at school sucks because bullworth academy itself sucks, doing things with the other preps made parker forget about his lack self importance and direction in life.

it seems like the end of the world to him, more because of his life and schedule being interrupted rather than the virus itself.

when he’s not with his family, parker spends a lot of time lounging in the mansion’s garden with the garden gnomes, and talks to them pretty often too (we’ve all heard those voice lines LMAO).

parker talks about everything and anything with the gnomes, and allows himself to just rant about life.

and sure, he thinks people who talk themselves 24/7 are hella crazy, but hey!! the gnomes love to listen!!! so therefore parker isn’t crazy!!!!!

he probably ends up doing gardening as a small hobby, and he genuinely likes it!

...even if it does have him down in the dirt and covered in sweat amongst other filth.

parker’s one of the less pretentious preps, so i can see him putting his entitled behavior aside, even if it is only this one time and for this one thing.

after all, his money and status don’t exactly matter anymore; everyone’s busy caring about more dire matters.

after the initial boredom, i can see parker letting loose and maybe even becoming a more decent person while in quarantine.

bryce:

he is 24/7 anxious.

it’s not specifically because of the virus itself, or because of school closing down, but it’s just the whole situation in general that makes him nervous.

bryce is stuck at home with his mother and father, in what bryce likes to call their cozy mansion, but what derby likes to call their oversized blue collar cottage (which bryce finds dumb because his parents don’t even work blue collar jobs).

his father, even during these dire times, is still gambling and wasting their money away, so that just hella adds onto bryce’s anxiety about the situation.

golf & yacht (where bryce canonically works) closes down since it isn’t considered an essential business, and so bryce ends up losing his job.

he’s really desperate to find another place to work, and rightfully so!! he doesn’t want his family to be losing more money than they gain.

bryce probably ends up working somewhere a step above fast food (he isn’t that desperate), like a cafe, since some are still open and surprisingly busy.

because of this, most of his hours are spent split between working and sleeping, and bryce doesn’t exactly have time to think about anything else other than family and money issues (something he thought he’d never have to worry about).

but bryce hides his physical and mental exhaustion quite well, mostly so that his life proceeds without anyone wasting his time with questions of concern.

sometimes the preps that aren’t as judgmental as the others (tad, gord, parker, pinky, bif) will check up on him and even offer to lend his family some money, but bryce knows better than to accept donations of any kind.

he tries to attend the online classes that he can, and does a lot of his homework with tad.

chad:

put simply, chad is fine.

he wasn’t particularly shocked when the virus was reported to be spreading, or when school was closed down, or even when he had to say goodbye to his fellow preps and the harrington house, and leave to his home in old bullworth vale.

chad was never strongly effected by any of this, and honestly is just really relaxed.

chad’s relationship with his parents is quite well (despite their occasional nagging), and he has a lot of hobbies that filled up his time during school and still fill up his time now.

so unlike tad or gord, chad doesn’t go searching for new activities to keep him busy or give him a sense of meaning and accomplishment.

chad wakes up early in the morning, when the sun is still rising, spends his day playing with his dog, chester, jogging around the neighborhood or park, boxing in his home gym, talking with his family, attending his flute lessons (which are now online), and then he goes to sleep with a tired mind, yet a well rested soul.

the only thing he doesn’t do is his school work (he pays off his teachers like derby), but occasionally you’ll see him attend an online class or two.

he lives his life on a clean schedule, and enjoys the alone time he gets during these tough times.

there’s no significant change in how he goes by his days, and chad is perfectly content with that. :)

justin:

he’s vibing.

at the beginning of quarantine, justin probably spent a bunch of time laying in his $10,000 satin sheets, doing nothing but thinking about random shit ranging from whether or not his family should invest in a second jacuzzi, his raging insecurities, how big his muscles are, or if he’ll ever get a chance to talk to the ted thompson himself, but that all gets old REAL quick.

he’s the type of person to be like, “i’m too rich to be sulking around!” even though those two things don’t exactly correlate in this situation LMAO

(but oh well, justin is a prep after all, their whole personalities are based around money.)

similar to bif with his boxing, justin throws himself entirely into swimming!

his family owns an indoor and outdoor pool, but nothing will EVER beat the feeling of swimming in the ocean for him.

there’s just nothing that feels the same, not even a pool with saltwater will ever mimic the feeling.

so justin will often times travel from his cozy home out to the beach just to swim and chill out in the sand for awhile, whether it be for thirty minutes or a whole afternoon.

omg he also gets really into corona virus gossip

*justin the the prep group chat* “guys, i heard that if you put an onion in every corner of your house, you’ll be safe from corona”

“guys did you know that if you drink a shot of vinegar everyday it’ll clean out your immune system?”

“GUYS omg i just heard that if you bathe in a mix of egg yolks and nesquik chocolate milk powder, you’ll be immune to corona!!!”

and everyone is just so tired of him (except for parker who believes almost everything justin says and derby who encourages his behavior on because he lives for chaos)

he pays off his teachers for grades lolol mr. hattrick didn’t get fired for us to just forget these canon facts

honestly justin completely forgets school exists as a whole.

pinky:

pinky is completely sucked into social media.

she has an account on every big platform out there, each one being incredibly active, and each one having a cult following.

and now she gets to be even more active than she was before!!

pinky spends all of her time doing complex photoshoots in her bedroom, experimenting with intricate makeup looks, binging tv shows with gord, and contemplating whether or not she should give herself bangs (you can bet all of this shit and more is going onto her accs too).

pinky also spends a lot of money ordering random shit she doesn’t need and sometimes doesn’t even want, but hey!! it’s free serotonin, and pinky’s therapist says that serotonin is a good thing ahahA

sometimes she’ll even order something and just send it to random addresses just for the fun of it.

pinky is like santa, but with better fashion taste and a little less no slave labor.

speaking of therapy, her sessions are now all online because we practice social distancing in this house teehee

shits and giggles aside however, pinky is thriving!

she’s happy, and healthy, and safe in her mansion, and besides the general feeling of unimportance and lack of meaning during these times where time itself doesn’t feel like it exists at all, she’s fine haHA.

her parents keep nagging her to talk to derby and to “hang out with her future hubby while the streets are empty and there’s free time!” but pinky is NOT breaking quarantine to hang out with a boy who made her wait for a whole three minutes on their date.

(she had a nicer time with jimmy than derby would’ve ever given her anyway.)

surprise surprise! pinky also pays the nerds to do her work, but still attends most of her classes for fun, mostly so she can help tad and bryce with anything if they need it.

real queen shit if you ask me.

whew, thanks for reading all of that if you did!! sorry it was super long but enjoy your preppy food lmao

oh and my anon asks are on now so go ahead and send me some shit if you want to!! headcanon requests, drawing requests, questions in general lol anything

anyway bye byeee uwu

[kreepykix]

Peachy - (Roman Godfrey x Reader)

summary: you show up at roman’s house finding him hungover and try to make him feel better only you start to notice... maybe you’re not just friends.

Chapter 2  Chapter 3

“Rommeee,” You called as you made your way up the stairs towards Roman’s bedroom, Olivia having let you in prior with only the barest of nods. You heard a noise of acknowledgement from down the hall and you swung into the room with a sly smile, jumping into his bed without a second thought. What you hadn’t realized though, was that Roman was buried underneath the covers and you had accidentally body slammed him further into the bed with your excitement to feel the coziness of his bed again. You heard him grunt loudly in pain and you quickly rolled to the side and off him. “Oh jeez sorry! I didn’t know you were there… wait why are you still in bed?” You questioned, leaning up on one arm and pulling the blanket back to reveal a sickly, sleepy Roman. There were purple bags resting heavily under his half-lidded eyes and he was much paler than usual, his body screamed exhaustion and you frowned in realization.

“I may or may not have had a late night down at the bar with Peter,” He croaked out, voice hoarse and crackly from disuse. He pulled the blanket back up and flipped onto his side, facing you. You shook your head before getting up from the bed, Roman snagged your wrist in a tight embrace before you could get all the way up. You glanced up to see him gazing deep into your eyes. “Where are you going?” He asked, a minuscule note of unfamiliar desperation creeping into his voice. 

“I’m just grabbing you some water and Tylenol, I’ll be right back.” You said with a small smile, his grip on you loosening enough for you to take your hand back and successfully get off the bed. You dug around in his bathroom for a moment before finally acquiring the Tylenol and grabbing a glass and filling it up with water from the tap before returning to Romans room and patting his leg as you came around to his side of the bed. He sat up and took the pills and water from you, swallowing the medicine easily. He set the water down on his bedside table before grabbing your hand and pulling you towards him, stumbling on top of him once again though he was ready for it this time. Your faces were mere centimeters away and you smiled. “Hi,” You spoke quietly, afraid to shatter the moment. Roman's hand reached up and gently brushed some stray hairs out of your eyes, his fingertips lingering on your cheek.

“Hi,” He answered with the same hushed tone, his smile mirroring your own easily. “Stay with me today?” He asked and you nodded without hesitation. He grinned and planted a solid kiss on your forehead. 

“Can I steal some of your clothes before we settle in? Skinny jeans aren’t exactly comfort wear,” You asked, turning the puppy dog eyes up to the max. Roman rolled his eyes after a moment and nodded. “Yes!” You squealed, dropping a quick kiss on his cheek before flouncing off the bed and prancing over to his dresser. You only got to wear Romans clothes on rare occasions and you savored those moments. You picked up a black t shirt which would be ten times too big for you and quickly ran to his bathroom to change. Romans clothes always smelled exactly like him and it made you feel comforted and safe every time you put them on. You would always try to smuggle them home but you were only successful once and you wore that shirt till it lost its scent and reluctantly returned it. You peeled off your jeans and pulled your shirt over your head and you unclipped your bra since it was uncomfy to sleep in and tossed on Romans shirt. It hung just above your knees and you laughed at the size difference the two of you had before you slipped back into Romans room, sliding his blackout curtains closed before hopping back into bed, this time landing squarely next to him. You slid under the covers and turned to grin at Roman. He just smiled softly, wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into him. Your head rested on his chest and you felt the heat radiating off of him which only added to your comfort. “What do you want to do?” You asked, lifting your head to look at him. 

He shrugged, “Movie?” He offered and you nodded, snagging the remote from the bedside table and hitting the power button, flipping back onto your back in the process. Romans arm was still snaked around your shoulder and you looked up at him in appreciation. 

“You’re the best bestie ever.” You stated as if it were a fact, which you did whole-heartedly believe. You and Roman had met in the sixth grade and been attached at the hip ever since. You befriended Shelley easily, and eventually Olivia. As Roman had begun to get more into drugs and girls you had desperately tried to steer him in the other direction but it seemed to honestly just be in his nature and you eventually got used to it even though whenever you saw him smoking or doing drugs you would always frown or take it away from him. You didn’t want to have to live without your best friend. The girls were whole nother thing for you though, it made you anxious and sometimes even sick to the stomach whenever you would see him with another girl though you didn’t know why, he was free to do as he pleased. Maybe it was the STDs he could be contracting or something but it just didn’t sit right with you. When Peter showed up the dynamic changed a bit between you, a bit of distance in the shape of Peter coming between you and your time together was shortened and so you were always eager to spend time with Roman when you got the chance but you had felt much more included lately, you finally felt you had a place with your friends. 

“I know,” Roman answered with a smirk, pulling you out of your thoughts and you rolled your eyes before directing the TV to Netflix and scrolling through the options. You bickered over movies till you finally decided on Monster House, technically family friendly but also a little spooky. You settled in, one leg tossed over Romans and head resting on his chest as you watched the screen intently. Eventually your eyelids grew heavy and you fell into a peaceful slumber. 

You woke hours later, light no longer creeping around the sides of the curtains and a slumbering Roman curled around your body. You both must’ve shifted at some point since he was now spooning you from behind. It felt nice, really nice. Not that you thought it wouldn’t it’s just that you finally realized this was something a couple would do. A lot of things you did together were things couples did. Kissing each other on the forehead and cheek, the cuddles and slumber parties, stealing his clothes and the constant care for each other. It was all things a couple would do and it made you feel strange and confused, awkwardness clouded your mind and your felt Roman stir behind you, pressing his face into your neck and inhaling.

“You smell good,” He murmured against your skin and your cheeks were set aflame. 

“Thanks,” You squeaked out, silently willing the bed to rise up and swallow you whole so you wouldn’t have to feel this way. No such luck.

“Are you ok?” Roman leaned up, sensing something wrong in your voice and searching your face for the answer.

You averted your gaze and cleared your throat, “Yeah, fine, how are you feeling?” You asked, switching the subject back to him.

He stared for a moment longer before coming up empty and laying back down, hands behind his head. “Peachy, haven’t slept that good in… well, ever.” He said with a rare soft smile directed towards you and added a wink for good measure. Your face warmed once again and you smiled a bit.

“Happy to help,” You said softly.

A/N: This may have more to be added, don’t know yet, hope you enjoy! I’ve also posted this and my other stories on AO3 if you wanna check it out my username thingy is cosmicbrowni3 :)))

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Destiel - my shower isn’t working can I use yours 😆

Okay, so where I'm going with this one isn't exactly a meetcute to me, but it also could be, if you are into that kind of stuff, I'm not sure about most things, please enjoy the story ~

***

It's been one hour since Dean's gotten up, and the day already sucks.

Things had been fine till all the noise started. It was eleven, on a Sunday morning, and he had been contentedly sitting on his couch, watching Queer Eye as he had his breakfast of milk, cereal and beer, as one does, and wondering about Sammy's whereabouts, even while he prepared punny punchlines for the latter's inevitable walk of shame - when the drilling had begun.

And Dean didn't like disturbing loud noises - not so early on weekends, and not ever.

Obviously some sort of construction work, or maintenance was happening at the apartment across the hall from his. Dean's brain registered it immediately as the one with the ridiculously cute Lit. Major, Cas-something, and his friend (well, Dean hoped, though they did seem pretty close).

Dean didn't know those two very well, because they'd only just moved in like a month ago - which could've made the drilling sorta suspicion-worthy, if their apartment building had had any good reputation at all. Dean had had his midterms then, so he hadn't gotten to know them much - though Sam had told him, from when he went to the mixer they threw like a fortnight ago, that they seemed like good people.

Dean's interactions had thus been pretty limited with Cas - Sam had only remembered that much of his name, for the stupid giant head he has, and Dean couldn't even be sure that it was correct, they'd never conversed so he'd never had a chance to use it - but that's what he calls him when he thinks of him in his head.

And he does. He knows Cas studies Literature, because he's seen him with Professor Moseley. And he knows Cas liked honey, because his friend, Balthazar had come to ask if they had any, because 'his roommate needed it, and was too anxious to initiate social interactions', Dean remembers, in a sarcastic accented drawl. And he knows that Cas runs in the mornings, and that he -

There's a knock at his door, which brings him out of his reverie. He sets down his tray, and went to open the door, expecting Sam - silently regretting using some of the last minutes thinking about his gorgeous neighbors, instead of what all he'd say to get Sam all riled up, when he showed up in last evening's clothes.

But it isn't Sam. It's Cas - or, to play on the safer side, Dean was going to pretend he didn't know his name at all; that would be better than to call him by the wrong name because what kind of asshole does that?

"Hello!" From the other side of the door, Cas - or whatever the fuck his name is, Dean keeps calling him Cas, because he has been doing it in his head, for a month now - breathes out, in a beautiful goddamn baritone. He's looking straight at Dean with unbelievably blue eyes, and Dean's never stood this close to him, in actual reality before.

So, undoubtedly, he is too busy gawking at Cas, to respond to the greeting - but he can't be blamed. Cas is breathless, and sweaty - from the way his fitted grey tshirt sticks to all the right places, and how sweat glistens on his forehead and plasters his black hair to his head. If Dean had ever been able to get Sam's nagging, 'You're confusing reality with porn again' out of his head, his brain could've conjured up some really interesting scenarios.

He stands in front of Dean, dressed in only a tshirt and what are clearly running shorts, and suddenly Dean's aware of the fact that he's wearing flannel pajamas, which are also Sam's, if that isn't embarrassing enough by itself - since he didn't wanna do laundry, and which are hatefully too big for him - a white shirt that has Donald Duck on it, and his fucking heart on his sleeve.

"Uh." He begins, eloquent as ever. "Hey there."

"Do you," Cas's lips twist into some sort of a frown. "Think I could come inside?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Dean mutters, making way for him to enter. The passage is wide enough for there to be zero contact between them, as Cas shuffles inside and Dean reaches forward to shut the door and lock it behind him - and for the first time, Dean wishes he lived in a skimpier apartment. "What's up, dude?" Dean asks, trying to get a hold of himself, as he stares at Cas tentatively, waiting for him to make the next move, as he tries to figure out how to keep looking at him before coming off as creepy. As one does.

"I - well, I -" He begins, and then stops abruptly, holding his hand out to Dean. "I'm Castiel, by the way, and I live across you."

Dean nods, wetting his lips, as he shook his hand. "I, uh, know." He says, uncertainly. And then realizing he hasn't introduced himself either, he hurriedly adds. "And I'm Dean. I live across you, too."

Castiel smiles at him, in spite of the lame joke, and Dean is grateful, because he was about to start looking for a hole to bury himself in. Then, Castiel starts speaking too, and Dean shifts his focus between his words and the way his voice sounds, to keep up. "As I guess you've probably heard, Balthazar is getting some repairs done at our place. I didn't know it was today until right about now, but this thing might take time. Shelves to be made, showers to be fixed, fire alarms which actually work to be installed -" Dean snorts at that, then is instantly appalled at himself, because that's the most unattractive way he could laugh, fucking get your act together, Winchester. "And so on. I'm sorry on both our behalf, because the noise must be disturbing, and -"

"Nah, nevermind." Dean interrupts. "It's not a big deal." What else is he supposed to say? 'I wanna kill myself because of it, so please don't need a new shelf, ever again?' Pfft.

"You're very understanding," Castiel smiles once again, and it's a polite one - and Dean is suddenly hit by the realization that that is perhaps what Castiel is here for. To be polite and curtesical about the fact that they're disturbing the whole building. Not because he wants to have anything to do with Dean - perhaps he did this with everyone on all the floors, and gave compensation-cookies, but then ran out of them before he came to Dean, but didn't think Dean was worth that much of an effort.

Dean's subconscious does make an effort to put a pause to the annoying workings of his mind, but as always, the other side triumphed. And then Dean stands there, feeling ridiculous about himself having internally made such a big deal of something like this.

But then, Castiel start speaking again. "And, I know this is such an idiotic favor to ask for -" So there is more, thinks Dean. "And you are allowed to turn me down, okay?"

"Ask away, dude," Dean tells him. I'd literally bend over on the centerpiece for you, if you asked nicely, he doesn't say, because. Well. Boundaries and crap.

Castiel seems to be gathering his words.

Dean wonders what it could be.

He hasn't wondered far, when Castiel finally lets it out. "I - I just came from my run, and I really think I need to shower. And my shower isn't working, could I use yours?"

Dean is stunned. He didn't think things like this we're supposed to happen in actual frigging reality. Castiel - the totally hot dude from across the hallway was asking to take a shower in his apartment. Dean's brain was practically stuttering, at this point.

"Dean?" Castiel echoes.

Dean's brain goes around the roundabout, and starts to take the route back to a safer place. It's obviously not like Castiel is going to be in the shower, and then asking Dean to join. That, now that would be something that would honestly throw him off. But this is cool, right? The guy has a reason. (And no porn has such legitimate explanations, okay?) So perhaps Dean should go looking for his brain in the gutters, and respond.

"Yeah. Uh, sorry about that." He shrugs, and then nods. "You know what? Sure. You can. I mean, why would I say no, you know?"

Castiel blinked at him. "Are you sure?"

"Of course." Dean nods, way surer now that Castiel looks insecure of ever asking. And Castiel gives him a small smile. "Thank you."

A moment passes, and they're simply looking at each other, and Dean is obviously trying to alternate gazes between his eyes, and his lips. Then suddenly, Castiel clears his throat, and raises his eyebrows with a slight tilt of his head and Dean returns to the present.

"Right!" He swallows. "Right now. Okay, yeah, okay." He doesn't really know what to do for a moment there, but then he looks at Castiel, who's sporting an absolutely adorable gummy smile.

"You do know you don't have to do anything, right?" He supplies, somehow reading the tension in his body. "Just, uh, direct me towards your bathroom, please."

And Dean's brain stops short on the verge of short-circuiting - he doesn't know why, okay!? - and he just nods. "Yeah, uh. Sure. That's smart. It's this way."

When Dean has shown Castiel to the bathroom - the one attached to his bedroom, and not Sam's - he instantly fetches a towel for him, too. Kind of a 'I'm not always as slow as I just was in the living room' gesture, and Castiel accepts it with a smile. "Thank you, again."

"It's not an issue, seriously," Dean promises, still hovering, even though he's shown Castiel to the bathroom and handed him the best towel he owns. "Oh, right." Dean suddenly steps into the bathroom, remembering - Castiel follows him in, like he's obviously supposed to, but now it's just the two of them in that confined white-tiled space, and Dean's mouth feels dry. "About the, uh, thingy? Contrary to what you may infer from the symbols, left is hot, and right is cold. We actually installed it wrong."

"Oh," Castiel takes it easily. "Thank you for telling me that."

"Yeah." Dean checks himself, and then the space around him, and is sure he's done all he can do - to help Castiel, to embarrass himself, etcetera - and he takes his leave. "I'll, uh, go now. Enjoy, I guess."

And he hears a bit of a chuckle behind him, as he practically rushes out of his bedroom and back to the living room, where he sits with his legs folded on the couch, and screws his eyes shut - trying to focus all his energy on going back to a happier timr, where he hadn't said 'enjoy' to Castiel, before leaving him in a fucking bathroom.

*

Dean tries to not think about it - he really does. He tries not to listen to Cas showering, and tries not to hear Castiel's almost-mute (maybe non-existent) humming, and he tries so frigging hard to not imagine a very naked Castiel in his shower. Or what he might be doing, and - OH, that is another level of gross, even for him.

And because the world is so fair to him, he manages to stop thinking about it - for one goddamn moment, before he's now thinking of worse things. Like all the kinds of things there are in his bathroom. Fuck, there's probably some gross hair in the drain from when he shampooed a few days earlier. There's that one crack in the tiles, where Dean had fallen - one very, very complicated afternoon. And, Jesus fucking Christ, there was lube on some rack somewhere.

As Dean sits on the couch by himself, regretting all of his life choices all at once, and wondering how much easier it would be if he flees to Alaska for the rest of the time Castiel is at Stanford - he tries to tune out the sounds of the water to the backdrop of Queer Eye - and all the drilling, obviously, but he still notices when the water is turned off.

It couldn't have been more than ten minutes, if he's being honest, but it feels a lot longer. Sighing, Dean throws his head back against the couch, and rubs the palms of his hands against his eyes -

And that's when Castiel yells for him.

Dean is thrown off at first, but then he's rushing, because why the hell would Castiel be asking for him now - when he's clearly just finished showering - if it wasn't something important.

So Dean crosses the living room with large steps, and is going into his bedroom when he sees Castiel, standing in the doorway of the bathroom - completely naked, except for the towel around his waist.

If Dean had thought he'd been having trouble looking away before, well, he certainly had no chance against this. Castiel's arms were a feast for his eyes - his fucking biceps would've been as big as Dean's, easily. His entire torso was lean and muscled, and his shoulders combined with his pecs were something that would certainly feed Dean's fantasies for a long, long time. And all the running had certainly paid off, because he had these beautiful fucking calves, and all his -

Shit. Dean is extremely not okay, when it comes to this guy. He needs to stop.

"Dean." Castiel's voice hits him with a jolt, and Dean's eyes turn up to Castiel's - wishing with all his heart, that he had not caught him checking him out. "I'm so sorry."

"What?" He blinks. What had he done? Wait, did he somehow break his shower, because Dean kind of had feelings for that shit.

"I need to ask another favor of you," Castiel looks truly apologetic, like it pains him as much to be asking Dean to do this - as it pains Dean to not go back to staring at him. "And this one is all sorts of dumb, but I -"

"What do you need?" Dean cuts him off; the apologising routine was cumbersome.

"My clothes, from my apartment. Mine are drenched from the run." He emphasizes. "And I was about to go get a towel and a change of clothes before, but then you handed me that towel, and I was too distracted - I mean, I wasn't thinking of it then, and Dean - I obviously need clothes." With his jaw fucking dropped, Dean waits for him to finish. "And I don't think I should go into my apartment like this," He looks down at himself. "There's other people working there."

Some part of Dean wants to hang onto the part, which hints that Castiel is fine being this way in front of Dean - but not in front of those workers, but then he instantly realizes that's dumb and nothing romantic at all. There is no comparison.

"Dean." And now, he's giving him a full on puppy stare. Sam-level. "Would you please -"

"Wait." Dean hears himself speaking, though he's almost sure he's not thinking those things through. "That's not smart. I wouldn't know where your stuff is, and I'm not going to pick out pants and shirts for you. It would be easier if you just wore something of mine. We're basically the same size." And this time, Dean has somewhat of an excuse to space another glance to Castiel's naked upper-body.

"But," Castiel looks like he might try to protest, but then he doesn't. "I do think that is the smarter option. I just hope you don't mind."

It's better than me playing dress-up on you, Dean thinks. 'There's no way I'd survive looking at your wardrobe, even.' But he keeps it to himself. "I don't. You can, uh." He leans in and slides open one door. "Pick anything from here."

"Okay." Castiel swallows. "Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah." And it comes out a little bit strangled, because now Dean has another thing that makes him feel suffocated, but in all the best ways. Castiel, in his clothes. And also because he's still staring at him, a little bit.

"Thank you for everything, Dean." Castiel sighs, and Dean - for a fleeting second - imagines that he's gonna get a hug but then it's like they both remember in the same instant that Castiel doesn't have clothes on.

Now that would've been a surefire way for Dean to have finally gotten the attack he's been on the verge of, since the moment there was a knock on his door.

*

Almost an hour later, Sam stumbles back in. He might be in last night's clothes, but he looks tardy in the 'all-night-group-study' sense, and not the fun sense - and Dean wouldn't put it past his geek of a brother.

But Sam comes in to find Dean has a guest over from across the hallway - and the-Cas-guy is wearing Dean's AC/DC shirt (or maybe Sam's just sleepy) and they're having grilled cheese while sitting too close on the couch, as they watch Queer Eye.

(Dean fills him in later, that because Dean had kinda helped Cas out that day, he says with a bit of a blush, Cas had offered to make him breakfast to repay him; but Sam knows that's Dean's cereal bowl in the sink, but he can easily imagine how Dean must have leaped at the the offer of a second breakfast, as long as Cas, the cute guy Dean hundred-percent has a crush on, offered to make it - and in turn, stayed some more.)

***

I'm finally back to destiel! It took me a while ;) but I found my way back ~ this was so fun to write, and I almost lost my draft for a bit there and then it came back and I was like, THIS ISN'T SAFE IN QUEUE, POST IMMEDIATELY (≧∇≦) Anyways, thank you @petrichoravellichor for the prompt! I keep thinking, I'll do the cookie fic next, and there's this huge hype around it, and then I think that maybe I'm not ready yet and I start creating something else Ψ(￣▽￣)Ψ The next is gonna be Sabriel, I think!

This time, I'll just tag the list as it is, because it's destiel: @ctrl-alt-design @emmii4 @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @styggtroll @petrichoravellichor @all-or-nothing-baby @moderatelypanickedbiromantic @elvenlicht @legendary-destiel @noemithenephilim @galaxy-charm @trenchcoatsandfreckles @naitia @ladywaywarddsc @zoerayne2426 @thekidsmaybealright @hellfire37 @3dg310rdsupreme @impulsivedandelion @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect List is Open! Send me messages, I guess, if you wanna be added/removed.

That's all for today! Maybe leave me a comment to gush about. Hope you all have an amazing day ~ Keep it sailing ~

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[art-of-zirio]

for the expression thingy: SH (the bottom right one) with Faedrien! 🖤 I imagine he'd look like that if someone dared hurting his Princess ;D

Oooohhhh ho ho most defensive and protective of kitkats! Honestly I’m surprised anyone would go up against anything with that much magic that had fangs and claws attached, but I doubt his lady will have to worry for long...

As either he’ll deal with the problem or she will, either way she’ll have a very anxious kitten to deal with for the rest of the day.

Also I have a ko-fi! If you like my stuff, please feel free to help me get new pens and markers!

[slyshyfoxy]

Hello, it’s been awhile , I officially broke up with Thomas and I have still been texting him but more about our healing part and not continueing the relationship now, I think the thingy is that I now then realise I do have abandonment issues, and I don’t know what kind of attachment style I still have but I’ll be aware and go and do more recent on it when im free.

I think introspecting what have happened is that , I may have not been good to him, I think the things I felt bad about is that I shdt have enter the relationship when I was not emotionally well, and like I didn’t know if I even like him and I still enter it , It was kinda selfish ngl, but as always an issue will always have both sides and I admit to my mistake that I somehow rushed into it while I was still healing from whatever scars. I think the most impt thingy is that I broke up because of my anxious thoughts which is about the disloyal thingy, like I should have known if I picked him and he continues to be disloyal I’ll have to bear the consequences, but at that point of time I was figuring out myself and wondering do I even like him when I was being so overly critical about each and little things he done for me, and I obviously felt unsatisfied, and eventually it came to an end I felt like he wasn’t the one for me, I don’t want to blame him and I also kinda like dk how to approach to this situation, I feel like I shdt keep text him anymore unless about healing or he want to clarify stuffs.

Honestly when I was with him my gut told me like his not the one I think it’s true that he say about the lack of understanding, and the gifts part was bad, and all , I mean he did reflect but he didn’t have me what I want at the point of time.

And for me my fault is that I also could have done better, but I believe by being good to myself and standing up on my ground is how I should have go with things now and believing I deserve love and the person I gonna pick in the future will have these things that I have

1. Ambition or goals in life that he/she is putting effort to achieve

2. Loyal to me

3. Willing to put in the effort to communicate with me and know what he have done and what have I done

4. The one I really do feel like I’m in love with , but not too much as I need to focus on my career

5. Emotionally and mentally support me and I can do the same for the person also.

6. Not too different from me where our goals and ambitions align

7. Both of us is satisfied with each other, and have a family together.

8. Someone who is kind and caring that cares without any motive and truly wants someone to be happy

I do feel like some of things like I feel like relationship stuffs has to have a partner to work with it but now I’ll just continue to work on my mental and emotional control and continue to be happy , and gain some good friends I can have for life but not putting my 100% of trust in and by then remind myself about my abandonment issue and honour and tell them about my needs in a relationship. And see if my partner is able to fulfill it anot. Oh and working on me not being defensive on feedback and criticism and not letting my emotions take control of me

- 3 June 2022

[wth-storylocke-archive]

Chapter 13: A pleasing development, no?

🍃 Nuzforums: https://nuzlockeforums.com/forum/posts/776374 💾 AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/66610402

⋖ Previous ⋄ First ⋄ Next ⋗

I never thought I'd get attached to these weird little creatures so quickly… But here we are, I guess. To be honest, I also didn't think so many of them would join me so quickly.

Thud! “…Cinnamon, this is the third time you've tried to sneak up on me. These sandwiches aren't for you, you know? You have the… berry thingies.” Promptly getting her face off the ground, she slowly backs away, looking slightly discouraged. I hope she doesn't try again. She actually almost got me the first time, and I don't know if I'm actually gonna be able to resist her… Ellaine made these sandwiches for lunch, but Cinnamon is very cute.

I hope the others aren't gonna take too long, though. I'm trying very hard not to let myself get too anxious, but my brain is probably going to find a way eventually. I think keeping everyone out of their orbs has helped, though. I'm still kind of worried about Melga – I left the Dex in my bag since there's still no sign of her – but I gotta say watching three cute critters play together is… relaxing, somehow?

Still, I wonder why they'd want to stay with me specifically. Or why Melga keeps sending mixed messages. Or why the others still haven't arrived. Am I waiting in the wrong place? And there we go, now I'm just going to keep wondering if I should rather move or stay here-

Pew! What-- Oh! It's the purple cloud?? “Bwark??” When did I stand up- Anyway, Blu seems to have calmed down after seeing who it was… but I ain't getting my eyes off that cloud. I… yeah, I still don't trust it. “It's alright, Blu. Or I hope it is… That's just-” “Nebby!!”

Oh, here they come. That's Lillie running over here. And… yes, that's Kukui too! “Nebby, what did I tell you about staying in the bag? We can't risk you getting caught! O-Or worse!” Ow, I feel kinda sorry for her. It sounds like that's not the first time “Nebby” has gotten out of that bag… probably doesn't help the whole “keeping it a secret” thing. “Oh, Milza, I must apologize! I hope Nebby didn't scare you, I keep telling them to stay hidden but they keep sneaking out…” “Huh, it's… it's fine- to be honest, I'm impressed you've managed to keep them a secret if they get out all the time.”

With the cloud back in the bag, Kukui's reached us. He immediately notices Ayo, but before he can say anything- “Hey there I brought my Gramps because he said he wanted to give Milza something!! Oh, everyone's already there? Oh is that an Inkay??” …Yep, that's Hau. He's got someone else with him – the kahuna, I think. Ayo is already happily nyooming around them both, of course…

“Have you already gotten a third Pokémon? Woah congrats!! “Aww look at her, she's so cute. Well, I don't have three yet myself, but look at that!!” Hau suddenly opens his backpack – while somehow keeping it on his back – and one… no, two rays of light come out of it, like quick shiny snakes that instantly rush to the ground, growing larger until…

“So you already know Leo… But now I have Puffle too!” A… yellow… mouse… thing? With brown markings. Okay. One more for the list of the cute ones, I guess. “Hehe, good job again, Hau! But I won’t stay with you lot for too long.” That was… the old guy – sorry, yes, the kahuna or something. Oh gosh, he’s looking at me now, what did I- “So hey, Milza, right?” …Yeah? “I’m very sorry about… you know, what happened yesterday. We should’ve fixed that bridge earlier. “But rushing to go help an unknown and defenseless ‘mon like that? Twas pretty remarkable of you, I gotta say. And that’s why I think you should have this!”

“…So I get a cool shiny rock?” No like, seriously, it does look pretty fuckin cool. It's like black and white but it's sorta sparkling with a whole lot of other colors? I wonder what the heck kinda rock that is. “Haha, yes! You've proven worthy of this Z gem. It will help channel you and your Pokémon's energy to unleash the power of the Z crystals you'll find during your challenge!” O… kay? Yeah I'm gonna have to ask for more details on that later. Let's just take the pendant for now. It looks really, really cool, not gonna lie. And it feels… warm?

* *  *

“They broke a plant pot? Oh geez, it wasn’t too precious, right?” Hau casts a quick glance at Ayo between two bites into his sandwich. She’s currently sleeping on Blu, which I don’t know whether it’s surprising or not, considering how fast she’s been goofing around everyone. “Oh no, huh… I think it was fine? But I guess I’m really gonna have to watch these two closely…” I’m… happy they’re getting along, though. Cinnamon and Puffle seem to be already friends as well…

“Alright! These sandwiches were super good, but I think we’re ready to start our little lesson before we go check out that school, am I right?” Hau is way too excited by Kukui’s announcement. I’m… nervous now, of course. And Lillie… hey how is Lillie doing? She’s just slightly clutching her bag. Our eyes meet – I try a quick, clumsy smile – and… she smiles back. Hope she’s okay, I feel like I know what it is to be quiet with no one talking to you… Not that I’d know how to even start a conversation with her at all…

“Heyy there Milz, you drifting off?” Wha- oh whoops Kukui was talking. “Oh, huh-- sorry, what were you saying?” “Well, I was wondering where we should even start-”

My bag! It’s suddenly moving- wait-- Melga comes out of it? She’s just… floating above us. Her eyes are opened- but they somehow feel still and emotionless. And on her screen… is that some kind of chart? “Ooh, the type matchups! That's a good idea, Rotom!”

[dagcutie]

I don’t get this whole thing about ‘how do you know you like them if you don’t go on a date with them’. For me I know in the first seconds of meeting someone whether I could be attracted to them in that way or not and going on a date will not change those feelings even if he’s the nicest guy in the world. You can’t force yourself to feel things by spending time with them if those feelings aren’t there. If you’ve kissed him and spoken to him a little bit and you’re unsure of how you feel but you know you’re anxious you probably don’t have feelings for him and that’s completely ok. Don’t force yourself to go on a date with him if you’re not feeling it. One day you’ll meet a guy or a girl that you feel so comfortable around this won’t even be an issue and you’ll know that’s the person you’re meant to go on a date with

so this ask made me think a lot and since i don’t have much experience at first i was like oh yeah must be like that for me too but tbh i don’t think it is… sometimes it takes me a long time to develop an attachment to someone and i just don’t really know immediately if we are gonna "click" or not

like i also think the fact that i don’t usually have this type of attention (especially from people that i find genuinely physically attractive) plays a lot in me not wanting to give up on him lmaoo like if i knew i could get someone to be interested in me as easily i would have gave up, you know, but i know that i can’t so i kinda want to gave it a chance.. also to be honest i don’t expect to develop a whole relationship (like boyfriend/girlfriend thingy) i just want to see what happens but yeah i don’t think we have the connection to be together as a couple but that doesn’t mean we can’t be any else lol (lmaoo im embarrassed to say that) but yeah i don’t think im looking for a relationship here :)

but thank you for your ask tho it was very sweet and reassuring and i wish i could have the power to know like you immediately omg😩

[dautaychamsua]

Nov. 8, 12:26

Dạo này mình kiểu suy nghĩ cực nhiều. Anxiety của mình tăng khủng khiếp. Thật ra từ trước đến giờ mình vẫn suy nghĩ nhiều thôi nhưng mà dạo gần đây lại tăng nhiều trở lại. Bây giờ đang có lớp học nhưng mà kiểu mình cảm thấy panic nên cần phải viết ra nếu không chắc mình phát điên mất. Từ tối qua đến giờ mình cứ cảm thấy có chuyện gì đó ko đúng trong chuyện tình cảm của mình. Thậm chí mình còn nghĩ mình có vấn đề về tâm lý. Những dòng này mình viết ra như đúng những gì mình đang nghĩ trong đầu bây giờ, nên nếu sau này có đọc lại thì chắc không make sense lắm đâu:))) Thôi chuyện job hunting của mình thì đủ stressful rồi khỏi cần nhắc lại cũng biết. Nhưng mà mình đã nói từ trước rồi đó, recently I've been dating this American guy. Not like "Asian dating thingy" but American style so I've been wondering a lot about what we are. Like A LOT. Like we held hands, we kissed, we made out already but I still don't know where I stand??? And it's already been two days since the last time we texted. It just feels so wrong to me. It kinda makes me thing about this relationship, whether he's serious about me, whether I accidentaly make him scared..? Also I read a bunch of psychologic stuff + rethink about what I did from my past relationships too. I always know that I have problem with attachment. I'm aware of that my exes are always the one who left me FIRST. And I always analyze what I did wrong. And especially after what I had been through with NM, I always blamed him who made me feel insecure all the time. But yesterday night, I realized that it was not 100% his fault. I have ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS. <insecure> <needy> <clingy>. Like I crave for love all the time. I did some kinds of personality tests too. Recently I tried the what kind of attachment I'm in when I date someone. And the result was I was "secure attachment", which I think it is correct, but partly. Like I'm also an "anxious attachment" imo. It was not because my caregivers, which are my parents, had neglected me or something. NO. I remembered that I used to cry every single nights when I was around 10 y/o something, just because I was worried that my parents were going to be dead some day! Cause my parents have me when they were not young, at the end of their 30s so it kinda made me realize that I didn't have much time left with them. So yeah, in short, I think that's the root of my anxiety in all of my relationships, particularly one with whom I like/love. Tbh, I really need help. I just don't know how to find one that could help me. I'm so tired. I don't wanna be like this anymore......