#Featuring a crazy farmer's tan

[ars-ceratinus]

Helmet hair

[davenporttf]

The Goliath Andes Yuca Spider

I think it's time. I need to start getting into shape, and getting outdoors more. My whole life I've been this pudgy pale white guy that looks like he could barely lift a 12 pack of Coke. I'm not exactly a hit with the ladies and it's been making my 30's miserable.

I've lived in Southern California my whole life, and if there's anything that people love to do around here, it's hiking. I've always shrugged it off. The thought of sweating a bunch in the hot sun and making my farmers tan worse never appealed to me. But I figure I'd give it a try and see if I end up loving it. Besides, maybe I could find a cute girl to go hiking with down the line.

I started googling local trails in the area and there seems to be a couple easy ones. I could start small and work my way up to the harder ones. I'm looking through the trails when see a bunch of articles about an invasive species of spiders in the area. Curiosity gets me and I click on an article. They're called the Goliath Andes Yuca Spider or "G.A.Y." spider for short. What a terrible name for a spider. There's not much info on them except they're understood to not be lethal, and they spin colorful webs. I doubt I'll encounter one so I forget about it.

I made my way to a trail in the local state park. There's no one around which is nice because I can walk shirtless and get my tan going. I pull my shirt off and begin my hike. The trail makes it's way uphill through a forest. I'm working up a sweat and and the scenery is nice. Maybe I could get used to this. Little did I know while I was looking at the tall trees, I didn't see this large rainbow web in front of me.

I walk straight into the web and I can feel it sticking to me all over. I try swiping it off but it's grip on my skin is unlike any other web I've encountered before. After a minute or so of trying to pull it off me, I feel the web begin to stretch over my entire body. This is crazy! How strong is this web?

The colorful web is strung everywhere on my body and it feels like it's getting tighter. There comes a warmth as the web seemingly soaks into my skin. I feel tingly all over and no longer see the web. I stop panicking thinking the worst is over.

Suddenly a wave of pain takes over as I feel my body contorting like I'm made of clay. My legs stretch and bulk up real beefy but toned. My ass tightens into these muscular and pillowy globes. The slab around my stomach contracts like I'm having cramps but it's tightening into a perfectly sculpted six pack. My arms and shoulders are injected with mounds of muscle while my pale complexion changes to a sunkissed tan.

I reach up to my face in awe as my double chin retract into my neck, and my facial feature become younger. My jaw shifts into a more angular form like it could cut diamonds. My facial hair grows more dense and my buzzcut grows out into a playful length.

I'm panting as the pain finally subsides and I'm thinking the worst is over. But then a second wave comes over me. This time it's not pain, it's full on pleasure. Lust invades my groin as I start imagining meeting up with my buddies to go deep into the woods and go off the trail to fuck each other senseless. I feel my balls grow heavier with the remainders of my previous life of hitting on girls at bars. My dick lengthens to a solid 9 inches and I'm helpless to refrain from rubbing one out. I'm jerking so hard as more thoughts of visiting local cruising spots to have all the DL guys moaning in pleasure. I desperately fight to hold on my old life until I feel it shooting out onto the ground.

Fuck, I love the outdoors.

[ramenbagel]

Made a Kaito x Maki fanchild for the fun of it. This is also connected to the Ishimondo family au. There is mention of death in this!

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BASIC INFORMATION Name: Noka Ishimaru-Owada. Nickname: Eyebrows, loud-mouth, crybaby. Age: 16. Gender: Female. Prounouns: She/her. Sexuality: Heterosexual. APPEARANCE Height: 5'8 Skin Tone: Slightly tanned (#E4C8CA). Eye Color: Pink-red (#833544). Hair color: Purple (#4C3448). Distinguish Feature: Short bushy eyebrows, thick eyeliner, small fangs. Hair Style: Short pigtails. Body Type: Well muscled. Dress: White tank top (#FCFBFA) underneath pale-dark purple overalls (#3C3845). Black pants (#1E1F26) with dark purple boots (#3C3845) and dark pink-red bandana neck (#833544). FAMILY Great Grandfather: Takaaki Ishimaru (Deceased, died at 62, would've been 91). Grandfather: Kiyotaka Ishimaru-Owada (Deceased, died at 67, would've been 71). Grandpa: Mondo Ishimaru-Owada (Alive, 71). Granduncle: Daiya Owada (Deceased, died at 20, would've been 76). Father: Kaito Ishimaru-Owada (Alive, 41). Mother: Maki Ishimaru-Owada (Alive, 41). Aunt: Tenko Owada (Alive, 41). ATTITUDE Personality: Impatient, curious, bossy, courageous, boorish, active, realist, selfless, blunt, compassionate, envious, imaginative. Intelligence: Knows math and agriculture very well, not as much with other subjects. Also very street smart. Confidence: Of course, it runs in the family. Greatest Fear/Phobia: Autophobia and Achluophobia. LIFE Hobbies: Hiking, camping, hunting, canoeing, sea glass collecting, baking, wood carving. Habits: Swearing, biting fingernails, interrupting others, negative self-talk, losing her temper, being overly critical. Ultimate Talent: Farmer.

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Additional information: Never got to see her parents a lot throughout her childhood, so she decided to move in with her grandparents at 10 years old. Even still, she's a daddy's girl. Learned how to farm from her grandparents. Mainly went to Hopes Peak because of Taka's passing. Was the main person to work around the farm the next two years, after Taka's passing. She trusts Mondo to still work around the farm, even at such an old age. Her parents started helping around the farm ever since she was accepted into Hopes Peak. Knows what Toranuske did to her family, but doesn't hold that much hatred towards him. Can't handle her aunt all to well. Never got to know Takaaki since he passed away before she was born, but she's heard a lot of good stories about him. Loves hearing stories surrounding Daiya and other Crazy Diamond members. Knows how to ride a motorcycle and is very well informed about space. She's not very well liked by her classmates, though she did make two close friends at Hope Peak. Would either be a victim (as a sacrifice) or survivor in a killing game.

[ikeromantic]

Staying in Character

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfic, jealousy fluff! Approx 1000 words. Scene occurs in Chapter 6.

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Rehearsal

Mitsuhide smiled at the gathered dancers and musicians. Kamekichi, a broad shouldered, big voiced troupe leader who might have been a farmer in his previous life, had good reason to be proud of them. His performers featured several dancers that were beautiful in form, and clearly graceful. And the musicians had talent as well.

The camaraderie was a relaxing change from his role with the Oda forces. The constant plotting, the suspicion of the town’s folk. It was nice to just be a performer, even if that was another role he had to play for a time. He hoped his little mouse was enjoying it too.

She was uncharacteristically quiet since their arrival. The chatelaine sat nearby, watching him as he spoke with the troupe members. Mitsuhide wondered what she was thinking. Probably still in shock over the pretense of their marriage. He couldn’t imagine what she expected. Brother and sister? That would  . . . well, it might work but there was no way he was passing up a chance to enjoy her company before he was forced to let her go.

“You have such striking features. Kame said you’re a dancer?” The man across from him was young but his eyes told Mitsuhide that he knew the horrors and hardships of life on the road.

The warlord-dancer turned his attention to the musician. “I am.”

He laughed. “I would have known even without being told. You move too gracefully to be anything else. Me, I can barely get through the harvest festivals and temple blessings without tripping over my own feet.”

“It takes a lot of practice. I imagine with time you could manage. You should have seen my wife when we first started.” He looked meaningfully toward where she was sitting, but the chatelaine was gone.

The man saw where his glance landed and smiled. “I think one of the other musicians has whisked your girl away. How long did you say you’ve been married?”

“A week.” 

“That barely counts.” The musician gave a knowing laugh.

Mitsuhide couldn’t have mistaken the man’s tone if he’d tried to. He stepped away from him. “Ah, some might say that, but others believe that new love burns hottest. I’m afraid I can’t be without her even a moment.” A truth nestled in the lie.

He laughed and gestured with his head. “Aki took her that way, to see the stage. If you want to chase after.” 

He did want. Mitsuhide said thanks and set off. He continued with pleasantries as he made his way past the performers. It took a little more time, but he didn’t want to look panicked. It wasn’t panic he was feeling anyhow. It was a cold burn in his chest . . . jealousy?

The thought almost stopped him midstep. But no. He couldn’t be jealous. He was just concerned. His little one was naive and defenseless. He needed to protect her. And to keep their cover. A newlywedded woman didn’t sneak off with musicians after all.

The stage was impossible to miss. A large, wood construction decked with colorful cloth ribbons and banners in the middle of an open meadow. There were stairs at the front of it and at the back, where the performers could walk out into their audience, or exit inconspicuously. But that wasn’t what Mitsuhide came to see.

He saw a wide back, covered in bright cloth and embroidery, sleeveless tanned arms. A likely candidate for Aki, the wife-thieving musician. And then he heard the telltale sound of his little mouse’ squeak. 

“I’m not very good yet. You don’t want to see me dance!”

“I could help you practice. If you need some music.” The young man’s voice. He reached forward to lay a hand on the chatelaine, still blocked from view by the much larger figure. “I bet you’re better than you think.”

“I’m really not.” Shuffling footsteps. She came around Aki’s side, backing away from him.

Mitsuhide skipped the stairs and leapt onto the platform. “Beloved? My sweet little steam bun?”

“That’s my- my Mitsu!” 

The musician turned. He gave Mitsuhide a cocky grin. “I was just showing the lady around. Offering my help.”

“I’m sure you were.” Mitsuhide stepped around the young brigand and wrapped an arm around his little one’s waist. His eyes narrowed as he took in the long, wind tousled hair, the open collar of Aki’s shirt, and tanned expanse of chest, exposed nearly to his belly. 

“I’m fine, Mitsu. Aki gave me a tour of our stage. He was telling me about the last show they put on too.”

Aki’s hands went to his hips. “It was crazy. We had to stop mid-show, grab everything, and run. Barely made it out of town before the fighting reached it.” He winked at the chatelaine. “I’m a fast runner. Plenty of speed and stamina.”

Mitsuhide could feel the blush staining his little one’s cheeks. No one should make her blush like that. No one but him. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, fitting her more tightly to his side. “I am sure you quite heroically ran away from the battle.”

Unphased, the musician laughed. “As heroic as a man with a wadaiko gets.”

“I don’t blame you. I’d run too,” the chatelaine said diplomatically. 

Mitsu stroked her side with his fingers, reminding himself that for a few days, she was his wife no matter how many young, fit musicians flirted with her. “I would just love to hear more about it, but I’m afraid my wife and I need to get to our room and prepare for tomorrow.”

“Shame,” Aki’s grin continued on. “Maybe we’ll find some time to spend together tomorrow.” He winked a the chatelaine, but by then Mitsuhide was already turning away, his little mouse in tow.

He guided her down from the stage and toward the inn.

“You can let go of me anytime now.”

“I don’t have a mind to.” Mitsuhide smiled down at her. “If you don’t want to walk like this, I can pick you up and carry you to our room.”

She jabbed his side with an elbow. “You wouldn’t!”

This was precisely the kind of encouragement he enjoyed from her. Mitsu swept an arm behind her legs and lifted her up against his chest. “There, beauty. Now you don’t have to walk another step.” Just to make the point, he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Several of the troupe members were laughing or sighing over the sight of them. Kamekichi gave them a wave and a wink. “You won’t be disturbed tonight! See you in the morning!”

In a low voice pitched for his ears only, the chatelaine muttered. “I hate you. Husband.”

“Mmmm, and I love you too. Such a sweet wife to pierce my heart with tender words.” 

Her struggle to stay in character while raging against him was adorable. She settled for wrapping an arm around his shoulders, hiding her other hand so she could poke his chest with one, pointy finger. “I will get you back for this.”

“I look forward to it. I really do.”

Next: Comfort

[carameloveskook]

festivals

pairing: kimtaehyung x reader

warnings: fluff (?) , angst if you squint 

a Daegu farm boy captures the heart of a tourist.

notes: I had to research so much about Daegu and it’s countryside since it’s the 3rd largest city in Korea. After researching some stuff it looks like I have to book a ticket to see it myself. Also, I was listening to a 1-hour loop of Scenery while writing this and I REALLY SUGGEST LISTENING TO IT WHILE READING!! V saying “I want to make you mine” just made me uwu towards the end. T~T

———————————————————————

“Daegu, originally known as Taegu is the third largest city in South Korea to date. Our nickname is ‘Apple City’ due to the high quality of our apples and melons throughout the….”

You place your headphones in your ears in order to drown out the tour guide’s “fun facts” about Daegu and decided to enjoy the view on the bus ride. The landscape was gorgeous, the grass stretched all the way to the skyline, the mountains were draped with trees and the houses zoomed by the flicker of an eye. Moving away from the landscape you face your friend as she is attentively listening to the tour guide. You roll your eyes, of course, she would be interested in these things. You just wanted to get off this bus so you can take proper pictures of the countryside and interact with the people who live there. You find that being in the moment was so much better than listening to random facts that you can look up on the internet. Your friend looks at you with sparkles in her eyes, she’s moving her mouth but considering you have headphones on, you just pretend that you understand everything she is telling you. Eventually, she stops talking and looks at towards the tour guide once more. Taking off your headphones, your friend gestures towards the front of the bus as it stops at your exit. Sighing, you get up from the comfort of your chair and step off the bus into the dirt road below. The grassy fields reached up to your knees as you and your friend walk towards what looks like a market. As you follow her inside, you look around to see foreign products that you’ve never seen before. Suddenly, a civilian bumps into you as you look around the market. You give him a smile and proceed to have a conversation.

“Hey y/n, check this out! This market is so cool! I can’t wait to cook with these new ingredients. y/n? Are you even paying attention to me?”

You were too busy having a conversation with the local about the variety of kimchi presented in the market. The local was very handsome, he had sleek eyes and a sharp jawline as well as tan skin. He was carrying a crate of apples that were labeled “김 농장”, you assumed that he was a farmer since he told you that he was there to sell apples. He wasn’t fluent in English however he was able to keep up with your conversations with the use of gestures and key vocabulary words.

“Why you in Daegu?”

“My friend invited me to explore Korea with her! She likes K-pop and wanted to visit for a long time.”

“K-pop?”

“Yeah, it’s dumb I know haha…but for me, I wanted to see how pretty it is.”

“Daegu is pretty! Like you!”

Your face heats up from his sudden compliment and turn away in order to hide the redness growing on your face. The boy gives you a boxed smile as he hands the crate of apples to the owner of the market. Attention shifts from you to the owner as they discuss from what you assume, prices. Suddenly, you feel a tap on your shoulder. Looking towards that direction your face grows nervous as you see your friend with an angry look placed on her features.

“Really y/n? Don’t ditch me like that! I looked like I was crazy for talking to thin air.”

“Sorry. I just-”

“Oh no, no excuses from your mouth today! You fell asleep on the bus and didn’t talk to me during the bus ride! Now you ditched me in a market! Let’s go and have fun already!”

Before you could respond, your friend had dragged you out of the market by grabbing your wrist tightly. You looked back and see the farmer boy looking around in confusion before taking back an empty crate from the owner with a smile. A couple of hours have passed by as you and your friend walk around the town, Daegu was gorgeous. However, despite the sun setting upon the mountains coloring the sky with hues of pink, purple, orange and yellow, the only thing on your mind was that boy with the boxed smile. You only had a small interaction with him but the connection you had with was uncanny, strange and mysterious. He barely spoke English and you never learned Korean but you felt connected with him emotionally. His smile was unique, it was shaped like a rectangular box like a robot if you will. You laugh at the thought of him having a robotic smile catching the attention of your friend.

“What’s so funny y/n?”

“Oh nothing, haha!”

“Come on, spill it!”

Your friend stops walking and turns to face you with a frown on her face. Looking at her sudden action, you immediately stop laughing and tell her about the boy you met in the market a couple of hours ago. You explain his boxy smile and how it looked like a robot’s default mouth but also adding that it had a unique flair with a touch of mystery behind his cheeky grin. In addition, you add that he was local and probably a farmer. Your friend listens attentively as you both walk around the area and stop in front of a restaurant.

“Wanna grab a bite to eat before we head home?”

“Of course!”

“What’s this farmer’s name anyway?”

“…Well, I couldn’t get his name…”

“WHAT!? WHY?”

You glare at her as you enter the restaurant and wait for a waiter to sit you down. Seeing that she got the idea, she looks down and mumbles an apology which you laugh off. Why get mad at you friend when you probably won’t see that boy again? After being seated and tell the waiter what you would like to eat, you look around to see what the restaurant looked like. The lights were dimmed to match the night sky looming outside of the building, they were hanging from the ceiling and had a beautiful criss-cross pattern lamp shade covering them. People were talking to their friends, lovers or family around their table, over to the entrance of the restaurant there was a mini aquarium filled with colorful fishes. Next to the aquarium was a mini bar with a bartender taking orders from the people sitting on the bar stools. It was pretty, simple design, but pretty. After eating, you and your friend decided to walk around before heading to your place of stay to sleep for the rest of the night. As you were walking you spot a poster that was hanged on a pole by a civilian and your friend insisted on seeing what it was.

“Why would we read a poster that we couldn’t understand?”

“Oh hush y/n, I’ve been learning!”

“Through K-Dramas?”

“Shut up.”

You giggle at your friend’s comeback and stare at the sky while she attempts to decipher what the poster says. Hundreds no, billions of stars were placed before your eyes. It gave you a calming feeling, you can look at the bright stars shining before forever. And of course, the ‘forever’ you wanted was broken as your friend squeals in delight.

“I got it! I got it!”

“Solved the poster?”

“Duh! It says that there will be a lantern festival tomorrow night and we HAVE to go y/n!!!”

“But weren’t we gonna go shopping tomorrow night-”

“Well we were, but now we aren’t! Let’s just do it in the morning so we can find gorgeous outfits for the lantern festival!”

Before you knew it, your friend was dragging you to the festival in a cream colored dress. It was pretty you have to admit, it went all the way to your ankles and had lace trimmed at the end with buttons that climbed at the way from the bottom of the skirt to your chest. As soon as you got there, the sun was setting once more revealing the gorgeous color palette nature has gifted the world. Looking around the festival, you stop in awe at the variety of different lanterns that the vendors were selling by the minute, each vendor had different and unique colors they were selling.

“Hey y/n, how about these colors? They are gorgeous and not to mention, they are selling at a good price!”

“Oh yeah, they are gorgeous…”

“Stop looking at the sky dumbo, you’re gonna run into some-”

Before she could finish her sentence, you bumped In a local because you were too busy looking at the sky then your surroundings. Your friend rushes over to check on you as the local offers his hand to help you up. Before your friend could ask if you were okay, your eyes widen at the figure in front of you. It…it was that boy! That farmer boy who was selling apples to the owner and having a conversation with you before you were dragged away. He looks at you with the same expression on his face as he recognizes you. He was wearing a simple shirt with sleeves that reached his elbows and black jeans alongside with dark blue sneakers. Looking back at your friend, she simply stood there before realizing who that boy was and immediately smiles as she backs away into the crowd.

“Hey! You’re that apple boy from yesterday!”

“Apple…boy?”

“Oh…um well you were carrying apples at that time so I assumed that you farmed apples and-”

“Wow fast English, you good at it!”

You look at him sheepishly, forgetting that he wasn’t fluent like you were. Making gestures at the lanterns, you both head over to the variety of lanterns available before choosing a purple lantern that you both shared. Seeing that your friend was no longer around you decided to stick with the boy, whose name you had learned was Taehyung, for the rest of the festival. You explored the different types of sweets and street food with him as he laughed every time he made you eat something spicy. You smiled at his laughter even though you were mad at him for making you try foods without warning you. You were happy at the fact you were making him happy. As hours go by you learn more about each other through broken English and hand gestures, one particular story Taehyung had told you made you feel the need to comfort him. Apparently, he had auditioned in Seoul to become a K-pop star but didn’t get accepted to any of the companies. He was upset because he had worked his butt off to at least get into one company and saved up his money for a trip to Seoul. He explained he was so sure that he would get in that he only got enough money for a one-way ticket but was heartbroken when he had to call his grandmother to come and get him from the motel he was staying at for the night. That was the final story he told you before you sat down on a nearby bench.

“I feel so bad you had to go through that.”

“It’s ok, I like Daegu.”

“Well, I think you are really cool and talented still.”

“You never heard me sing yet.”

He looks at you with an amused grin causing you to look away in embarrassment because your attempt to comfort him had failed. He smiles at you and places his hands on your shoulders in order to make you look at him. He gestures at the lantern and towards the crowd, people were lighting their lanterns in order to get ready to release them to towards the sky. You grab your lantern as he gets the lighter and ignite it. You were still crestfallen at your failed attempt until Taehyung places his hand in yours.

“Thank you…for making me feel-”

People started to cheer on as they release their lanterns filling the sky with bright colors. You looked at Taehyung to let him finish his sentence but he was already gesturing for you to hold onto the lantern with him. At the same moment, you release the purple lantern together and watch it fly up to join the other thousands of lanterns making it way up to the sky. You stare in awe until a familiar hand reaches for yours. You look up at the boy who was already staring at you with a smile on his face. Blushing at his smile, you can’t help but hug the poor boy in last attempts to comfort him. He was caught by surprise at the sudden intimate action but returned your hug nevertheless. You both stay there, comfortable with the presence of each other. Despite only knowing each other for a day, you both felt connected with each other even though there was a language barrier. Moving away from his chest, hands still on each other’s waist you look around to see that the lanterns that were floating throughout the sky seemed to have come down and surrounded you both.

“You didn’t finish your sentence Taehyung.”

“Well, I want to say, thank you”

“Thank you for what?”

“For making me happy.”

[999-roses]

just wanted to add off of mushroom-jie: I’m 100% Han Chinese and I have “central asian” features like curly hair and high nose bridge. I also happen to be Hakka on my father’s side, a sub-ethnicity under Han Chinese, which folds neatly into the history of tribal unification under Qin dynasty. I also tan very very easily and while I use sunscreen for health reasons I don’t go crazy on staying pale. Colorism is absolutely a thing, but it’s not racism as much as it is classism. When I visited my relatives in the mainland, they point out my (farmer’s) tan because it makes me look like a country bumpkin [poor, rural] and not because it makes me look Mexican (which I get more often than you’d expect. I live in Texas.)

I think a lot of the “examples” listed by the OP are actually historically associated with particular sects of Daoism, particularly oracle bone reading (lian briefly touched on formation of the central government (Shang dynasty) associated with Wu shamanism, which predates Confucius), which is not associated with the spirituality or religions of central asians. If you’re familiar with Fengshen Yanyi (Investiture of the Gods), there are many examples of grey/dark high level Daoist sages/gods like Shengong Bao 申公豹, who sometimes gets depicted as a hero and sometimes is a villain. In modern retellings, he’s chaotic/evil/neutral in stories centered around Nezha or Chengxiang, but good when fighting with Jiang Ziya (but then again the Jiang Ziya (2020) is a narrative about fighting the establishment). My limited understanding as a non-Daoist is that this character embodies “good and evil as different sides of the same coin”, and this is a theme I see in MDZS as well. There are also countless “uncivilized” or “brutish” men, most of them literally from the Han dynasty, depicted in the classic Romance of the Three Kingdoms (Zhang Fei my man, RIP Lubu). And literally everyone in the other classic Water Margin is a bandit ruffian lmfao. So, to me, op was seeing something that was historically true describing Han culture or Han people in a negative light and thinking that it’s describing or coding central asians “ bad”.

Also, I feel like half of the points op covers are regarding Disney’s Mulan, both the original animated version and the remake? Particularly the remake’s decision to make the hawk a shaman woman. Bro... that’s Disney. Like, please double check for yourself who exactly are the scriptwriters, directors, and art directors for both films (hint: the only asians they had on were not Chinese living in China... and everyone else is white 💀). Arguably, some of that Disney depiction of “the Huns” bled into coding of central Asians in CN media, but I’ve literally never seen Mongolians coded as bestial or monstrous or evil to the degree or extent that Disney’s Mulan did, not in CN media. Yaoguai sometimes are depicted to that level (black sclera+white pupils) but they are literal monsters but NOT an entire ethnicity of humans.

There are definitely ways that a lot of CN media needs to improve in depictions of central Asians though, I’ll give you that. The stark drop in production quality (background sets and costumes) for the 2nd arc of Rise of the Phoenixes comes to mind.

good morning cnovel readers you are not immune to anti northern/central asian racism

[krystangreen-blog]

Looking for original things to do in Saigon? After several months exploring this city, we have some unique ideas to round out your itinerary.

Some suggestions are hidden gems, known only to locals and expats. Others involve popular attractions but in novel and entertaining ways. Maybe you’re on a package tour and seeking to fill a “free day” in Saigon.

Maybe you’re an independent traveler and seeking the offbeat. Either way, we hope these tips help you have a better, richer, more individualized experience in Saigon.

What About the Classic Things to Do in Saigon?

You can read our list of standard highlights in another post.

This is a supplementary list of lesser-known things to do in Saigon.

Have a better, richer, more individualized experience in Saigon.Click To Tweet

1. Adventure Eating

Vietnamese food is absolutely delicious 99.9% of the time, but it can also be extreme and exotic. If you want to push your culinary limits, try adventure eating at Bo Cap Lua Restaurant.

They serve tarantulas, scorpions, lizards, live worms, fried worms, and other “unspeakable” items. You can see more of the disgusting things we ate at Bo Cap Lua.

Bo Cap Lua 17B 11th Street Go Vap District Ho Chi Minh City

  2. Jade Emperor Pagoda “Secret” Canal Walk

The Jade Emperor Pagoda is one of the popular things to do in Saigon. But few know about the lovely canal, only a few hundred feet away.

After you visit the Jade Emperor Pagoda, take a stroll along the canal. It can turn this common attraction into an uncommon experience.

You’ll glimpse an unseen side of Saigon. Quiet streets, quaint neighborhoods, and several other temples line the canal.

You can simply enjoy the peaceful beauty of the canal or use it to structure a “temple crawl.” There are many temples on the canal to explore, but we recommend visiting Vinh Nghiem Pagoda (Mahayana Buddhism) and Wat Chantaransay (Theravada Buddhism).

Combined with the Jade Emperor Pagoda, which is Taoist, you’ll see 3 radically different styles of spirituality (that exist in the same small community). AND you’ll enjoy a scenic walk, away from the chaotic streets of Saigon.

You can see more photos and read the full details of this canal walk here. It includes directions to the canal and info on why this canal is the biggest environmental accomplishment in Saigon.

  3. Suoi Tien Buddhist Amusement Park

Suoi Tien is the craziest amusement park in Vietnam (maybe all of Asia). It’s actually a combination culture park/amusement park.

Suoi Tien has a sprawling waterpark, the longest roller coaster in Vietnam, and all the fun stuff you’d expect. But the massive Buddhist monuments and active temples (next to the rides!) make Suoi Tien a unique travel experience.

It’s a surreal mash-up of deep Buddhist culture AND superficial amusements. Even if you’re not interested in the rides, the gargantuan sculptures and monuments are worth the price of admission (which is only $5USD).

Suoi Tien offers some of the most spectacular sights and is one of the most unusual things to do in Saigon.

Check out more photos of the amazing park here.

Hours: 8am – 530pm

Address: 120 Hanoi Highway Tan Phu Ward District 9, HCMC

  4. The Amazing Viet Show

The Amazing Viet Show is a fun way to unwind after a day of sightseeing. Saigon has many entertaining shows, but this is the wackiest. It features “extraordinary people” with “unusual talents.” Or you could call it a Vietnamese freak show – with a difference.

The headline acts are contortionists, sword swallowers, and the like, but between those acts are song and dance performances featuring Vietnamese music and costumes.

Vanessa had her first cyclo ride at the Amazing Viet Show. A man put these contraptions in his eyes and pulled a cyclo full of people across the stage! You can read more about that crazy story here.

Tickets start at 640,000VND ($28US). The best place to buy tickets is at the theater because they often offer in person discounts.

The Amazing Viet Show is performed at the V Show Theater. 147 Cach Mạng Thang Tam Street District 3, HCMC

  5. Binh Quoi Tourist Village

Binh Quoi Tourist Village is a rural oasis in the heart of the city. It looks like a Traditional Village on the Mekong Delta. It’s a staged reproduction, but it’s beautiful, peaceful, and entrance is free.

Binh Quoi Village feels like entering a different world and different era. You can relax in bamboo huts that line the many waterways. You can paddle a boat on the lake. You can scramble across monkey bridges. And more.

There are even restaurants and a hotel if you desire. The best time for a peaceful visit is on weekday mornings. There’s a large, traditional buffet on weekend evenings, but it’s more crowded (and you can’t see the scenery in the dark).

Find out more about Binh Quoi Tourist Village in this post.

Binh Quoi Tourist Village 147 Binh Quoi Street Binh Thanh District, HCMC

  6. AO Show at the Saigon Opera House

The Saigon Opera House is one of the most historic landmarks of the city. Every Saigon visitor comes to the Opera House for sightseeing, but few actually watch a performance.

Take your Opera House experience to the next level by catching the AO Show. Often called “Bamboo Cirque,” it’s like a Cirque du Soleil show about contemporary Vietnamese culture. The AO Show combines acrobatics, dance, and dazzling choreography.

It’s not only a great show that’s fun and amazing. It’s also a great travel experience that meaningful and gives insight into the culture. The central theme is how rapid modernization and urbanization is changing Vietnam (for better and worse).

Tickets start at 630,000VND ($27US). It’s best to buy tickets at the Opera House. Check for package deals that include dinner at a local restaurant too. These are often a bargain.

Saigon Opera House 7 Lam Son Square District 1, HCMC

  7. Live it Up in Phu My Hung

Speaking of rapid modernization and urbanization, visit Phu My Hung to see a different (wealthier) side of Saigon. Located just 15 minutes from downtown, Phu My Hung is an upscale neighborhood that offers high-end dining, shopping, and entertainment.

An evening here can be both fun and enlightening. You’ll have a high-end experience, and you’ll see how Vietnam’s growing middle-class lives.

There are many easy options here. We recommend visiting the Crescent Mall, but not really for the shopping. There’s a pretty lake behind the mall and a picturesque walkway around the lake. Several fine restaurants line the walkway. And at the end, there’s the Starlight Bridge.

At night, this bridge doubles as a water fountain and puts on a lovely light show. For dinner, we recommend Cham Charm Restaurant. It’s a rather expensive seafood buffet, but the décor is beautiful. The theme is the ancient Cham civilization of Vietnam.

Much of Saigon (and Vietnam) is rather poor, but that’s not the whole story. The temptation is to make the poor rural farmer the symbol of Vietnam. That’s still partially true, but a complete picture must also include Vietnam’s growing middle class.

You can glimpse their changing lifestyle and values in Phu My Hung.

Crescent Mall 101 Ton Dat Tien Street District 7, HCMC

  8. Mix with Locals at Tao Dan Park

Tao Dan Park is a big, beautiful park in Saigon. It’s one of the few green spaces in Saigon, and it’s a great place to mix with locals. Early morning is the best time to visit. The whole community comes out to enjoy the cool morning air. Locals of all ages and from all walks of life meet here to socialize and exercise.

The whole community comes out to enjoy the cool morning air. Locals of all ages and from all walks of life meet here to socialize and exercise.

You’ll see people practice a wide variety of martial arts, including Tai Chi. Dancing is another popular activity at Tao Dan. You’ll see everything from Asian Fan Dancing to Waltzing to group Line Dancing.

Most of these are open and communal. So it’s your chance to conquer the language barrier through physical activity and play. Know a little Tai Chi or a bit of line dancing, join in. Why not?

It may be one of your most memorable moments in Saigon. Read more about Tao Dan Park here.

Tao Dan Park lies along Truong Dinh Street, between Nguyen Du Street and Nguyen Thi Minh Khai Street.

  9. Traditional Culture Show at the Golden Lotus Theater

If you want to taste classic Vietnamese culture, check out the Golden Lotus Theater. It’s the most enjoyable “traditional” dance and music show in Saigon.

This is a fun show with all the elaborate costumes, vibrant dances, and soulful music you’d expect and few things you wouldn’t. Like a 1000-year-old water puppet show that ends with fireworks.

We stress enjoyable and fun because authentic performances of ancient culture can drag on. Let’s be honest, as interesting as they may be culturally and historically, they tend to get boring for the average visitor.

At the Golden Lotus Theatre, the show maintains a quick, entertaining pace. You can read more about this show here.

The Golden Lotus Theatre is inside the Rex Hotel. 141 Nguyen Hue Street District 1, HCMC

  10. La Fênetre Soleil– For a Quirky  and Cross-Cultural Evening

By day, it’s a mild-mannered café. By night, La Fênetre Soleil is quirky hub for cross-cultural encounters. This Vietnamese club has a French name, serves Indonesian food, specializes in live Jazz music, but has weekly Salsa dancing on Wednesdays and weekly Swing dancing on Sundays. And that’s not all.

They also host a variety of special events too. One of our favorites was a presentation by the “Saigon Storytellers” group – where some locals and expats told true but well-crafted stories from their lives (kinda like The Moth podcast).

So if you’re looking for a different kind of nightclub in Saigon, try La Fênetre Soleil. Contact the club for what’s happening during your visit.

Phone: 08 3824 5994

Address: 44 Ly Tu Trọng District 1, HCMC

There are many other unique things to do in Saigon. Of course, the best will be the ones you create. Hopefully, this list helps with both specific tips and ideas to spark your own imaginative itinerary.

Enjoy Saigon!

Which things to do in Saigon interest you? If you’ve been to Saigon, we’d love to hear your unique tips?

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[akbshortstories]

Logistics:

Andrew is dead. I’m at a water park in a too small pink bikini while guests with farmers tans snap pictures of Andrew’s body. Worse still the paramedics attempted to revive him right next to the lazy river. Which means every 30 seconds there is a new batch of slow drifting park guests in inner tubes taking in the scene for the first time. I watch their faces change as the jet created current carries their bobbing bodies towards Andrew. Their faces go from borderline contentment to morbid fascination as they pass the park’s newest unofficial attraction, my dead boyfriend. While the paramedics zip him away from view, all I can think is that I need to reapply sunscreen... What is wrong with me?  

   I should be in hysterics and unaware of my stinging legs. I should be inconsolable and non-verbal. I’m ashamed that I’m capable of noticing the burning sensation of my skin at a time like this.

But maybe this is good maybe it’s important for me to be calm right now because I’m sure I’ll be here for hours. The cops and water park lawyers will have to question me. Find out what my relationship with Andrew is...was. Ask if I knew about any drug use or heart conditions. That has to be what happens right? You can’t just leave a water park, without some officials acknowledging that the person you came with is leaving in a body bag. There have to be some steps in place. I can’t just get in his car and drive it back to my place until I figure out what to do with it… oh no his car, what should I do about his car?

He drove, and we only paid for five hours of parking. If they tow his car while I’m being questioned, it’ll proby $450 bucks, to get it out of impound. Or at least I think that’s how much it cost Stacy when it happened to her. I really can’t afford that right now. But if I can’t pay it who will? Who do those kinds of fines go to in this situation? I guess his parents?  My throat tightens at the thought of them dealing with logistics in midst of their grief. They are going to have to deal with so much soon, like the body...

Jesus, I’m thinking about their son’s body and they don’t even know he’s dead yet. Should I be the one to tell them, or should it be the police? Is it better to receive this kind of news from a stranger or someone you're familiar with but dislike? They’ve never been that thrilled about Andrew and I’s relationship. At holiday dinners his mother always bring up his highschool sweetheart Katie, the marathon running pediatrician. A not so subtle reminder of the life he could have had if he graduated from college. He was supposed to be a doctor specializing in sports medicine with a doctor wife and kids who wanted to grow up to be doctors. Instead he ended up as a personal trainer and dated me, the manager at a Joann’s Fabrics who he met in AA.

If we had been married I could make choices about his car, his dog and his burial. But we aren’t married, weren’t married, will never be married. So now his poor parents are going to have to be burdened with all of this. It’s horrible enough for me… but for them...

I see a teenage park employee transfixed by the scene.I hop on my bare feet from the cool shade of a plastic lounge chair, to burning concrete back to shade until I’m close enough to read his name tag, which reads; Andrew.

This Andrew, Alive Andrew will probably take the first chance he gets to text his friends about the crazy thing that happened at work today. They will ask Alive Andrew if he is ok, if they can do anything for him. Which of course he won’t actually need, but when death comes even bystanders are treated with kid gloves. If he bothers to find out the name of the man who died I’m sure it will take on some meaning to him. Perhaps it will become the center of his story when he tells other teenagers (who have been spared from tragedy up to this point) about the time he saw a guy die at a water park, and what it taught him about living.

As I start to speak to Alive Andrew, I realize I am not as calm as I thought I was. I’m shaking, and every word I say hurts as I force it out.

“Excuse me, that’s my boyfriend” I gesture towards Dead Andrew.

“That’s your boyfriend? Oh Man I’m so...I mean sorry for your loss.” says Alive Andrew.

“ Loss right. Thank you. Well his car is in the lot, and um... I don’t want it to be towed.”

“Of course. Do you know his license plate number?”

“I don’t ” I admit.

Alive Andrew nods “Ok do you know the make and model?” he asks.

“It’s either a Toyota or a Camry, and it’s kinda boxy and white. Most cars look the same to me… I’m sorry.” I say.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, one second I have to ask my boss what to do..”

The one thing I’ve never cared about is now biting me in the ass. I’ve never taken any notice of cars. Andrew knows cars... knew cars. Andrew is dead. Andrew is dead, and I’m embarrassing myself in front of a teenager because I don’t know what kind of car my boyfriend drove.

He interrupts his boss who is speaking with the paramedics. The middle-aged woman with a french braid wrings her hands nervously as Alive Andrew explains the situation. The lack of detail I have been able to provide is probably putting her in a tight spot.

Alive Andrew returns, he contorts his pubescent facial features into as solom an expression as he can muster. This only makes his lack of gravitas more evident as he attempts to follow protocol that I’m sure up until this point has been nothing more to him than a skimmed over paragraph in his employee handbook.

“I am so sorry to ask, but could you go to the parking lot and take down his license plate number? they are strict about towing and without more information, I can’t tell them to leave it.”

How could they ask me to go to the parking lot, I lost my boyfriend less than an hour ago. But what else can they do?  I read once that more white cars are sold every year than any other, because white cars have a better resale value, and since I don’t know the year, and I don’t know the model, the information I have given them is completely useless. And living Andrew needs to get back to making people stop taking pictures of dead Andrew. I’m not the focus here. I’m alive, and my legs work, so I need to do this because I can do this so that Andrew’s parents don’t have another unexpected expense. “Yeah, no problem,” I tell Alive Andrew.

“I’m so sorry that you have to do that, I can go with you if you like?” He can barely hold my gaze, he does not want to ask me to do anything, he is undoubtedly upset with the lack of formality, and it’s making him uncomfortable, he wants to be helpful, but I’ve tied his hands.I don’t blame him for it. I’ve experienced it myself. Being a fish out of water in a situation where what little authority I have I must use.

Like when a large mentally unstable man exposed himself at my craft store. I had to pretend that I knew exactly how to handle the situation. That there was already a perfect time tested protocol in place and a script to follow. I acted as if was under control, so as not to frighten my employees and customers, but in reality I was paniced and completely unsure what to do while we waited for the police to arrive.

Just goes to show that protocol is only an illusion of control in the midsts of chaos. Not that this is even chaotic actually. The park is still functioning. Top 40 hits are still blasting through park speakers. Cups of dip and dots are being sold. Happy screams are coming from various water slides. They aren’t going to stop taking money from hundred’s of people just because one died.

I make my way to the locker where dead Andrew and I paid to store our stuff two and a half hours ago. I open it up. I walk my way over, and as soon as I step away from the scene, I become just another park goer with my feet burning on the concrete.

An barrel-chested guy with a backwards baseball hat and thick Boston accent is in front of the lockers, when I ask him to move he looks my body up and down says;

“No problem sweetheart.”  

I proceed to the locker.  He moves, but not enough.

“What no thank you?”

“Thank you.” I muster.

He grins “That’s better now how about a smile gorgeous? It’s a beautiful day.”

I’m exhausted. So I smile. I smile and he moves. Transactional. Just like paying a troll for passage over a bridge in a children's book I pay the caveman with a fake smile and a small piece of myself worth.

I open the locker door and find the keys to the car; the key has the Toyota logo on it. Now I know, Dead Andrew used to drive a Toyota.

The smell of coconut brings me out of my haze. I look at my hands I realize I’ve taken the sunscreen out of the locker and started to re-apply. Disgusting. I should be in a ball on the ground, or clinging to dead Andrew screaming while paramedics try to pry me off. I should not be re-applying sunscreen. And why am I re-applying sunscreen?

To avoid skin cancer and premature aging? Why should I care about either now? The love of my life is dead. That’s what I should be thinking. But it’s not what I’m thinking. I’m thinking about how men are not attracted to older women and now I’m 32 and single, and I’m going to have to start dating all over again...I’m single… I’m single I’m 32 and have all the baggage that comes with a deceased boyfriend.

It might take me years before I can date again, and then I’ll be older, and if I have skin damage, I’ll look even older than I am. I don’t know what kind of man will date a sun damaged women with baggage.

It could be the kind of man who is currently married but will be single in a few years. because the love of his life will or has already drowned at a water park too, maybe that’s how we will meet. Through lawyers when we both get entangled in a class action lawsuit against the water park who’s shitty lifeguards failed to save our loved ones. We’ll bond over loss, and that bond will evolve. We’ll get married and wonder if the other is wishing the deceased partners were in our place, but will be overall happy. And we’ll be those parents who are normal except for the fact that we refuse to let our kid go anywhere near water.

I’m halfway through the parking lot. I find Andrew’s car. I pull out my phone to take a picture of the license plate. My phone is dead. What now? Oh, there is a charger in the car. I made Andrew start keeping a charger in the car because his phone was always dying. Ok, I’ll start the car and charge the phone. I get in, and I automatically sit in the passenger's seat. Andrew’s coffee from this morning is still half full in the cup holder. My heart breaks. It’s half full because Andrew didn’t like Starbucks he liked Coffee Bean; I like Starbucks. But we went to coffee bean yesterday so today we had Starbucks. Which means he didn’t enjoy the last cup of coffee he ever had.

I plug my phone into the car charger. My phone turns on, and notifications start popping up. There is one from Clue. The app I use to track my periods. It tells me I’m late.

I completely forgot that up until now my late period had been all I was thinking about. I went to a water park today I knew I was possibly pregnant, and now the father is dead. What if I am pregnant this might be a comfort to his parents. He was their only kid. How will we handle this? Will they sue me for custody? What if there are complications, and I loose the baby? What if it’s one of those situations where the mother dies, or the baby dies, will they hate me forever if I choose to live? What if I’m not ready to be a single mother? I don’t even have $450 for an emergency situation how can I raise a kid alone?  

The road is rough, and the brakes squeak. I realize that I have gotten into the driver's seat and am driving out of the lot.

I see a Ralphs and pull over. I walk in and get weird looks probably because I’m still in my bikini. But I don’t care. I get to the family planning aisle, and I look over the choices. There are so many choices. I feel something wet on my thigh, which is weird because I’ve been in the sun for over an hour now. I look down and see blood running down my sunburned legs. Andrew is dead.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author’s Note:

In most films when a character dies everything comes to a halt. Sad music swells, people break down, and the characters see everything in slow motion as their world crumbles around them. From there we often cut to a funeral, where people are teary eyed but otherwise composed. This has always irritated me.

I want to see the moments in between. The world does not stop when personal tragedy strikes. You still have to drive home after you lose your loved one at the hospital. You still have to pay twenty bucks for parking when your friend dies at Six Flags. Life goes on without you, and silly little routine rules don’t stop pertaining to you even if you are experiencing something more profound.

We’ve all wondered from time to time how we would react in a crisis. So in August of 2016 I wrote this story to explore how I thought someone might react when faced with a worst case scenario. After a few drafts in I gave up on the story. I did so because since I could not speak from a place of knowledge on the subject, I felt the piece could be potentially be seen as ignorant or disrespectful to those who had experienced real loss.

Don’t get me wrong I had experienced loss at this point in my life. But up until then I had not been within the immediate circle of those who are suffering. I was the one making the casserole, not the one eating it.

On October 24th, 2016 that changed. I only remember the exact date because it was my 27th birthday.

For the first time I was one of the people receiving the casseroles.

I witnessed and experienced emotional devastation. There was screaming, tears, hysterics, and sleepless nights, but there were also a million moments in-between when we were composed. Like when we ironed our clothes for the viewing. Or when we stopped at Walmart to buy tissues for our tears, and energy drinks to keep us awake for our final goodbyes.

I recently re-read this story, and to my surprise discovered my little experiment in fiction to be a pretty accurate depiction of my own state of mind during what I hope will remain the worst week of my life. So I am sharing it now.

It’s important to mention that my family and I’s loss was disturbing, violent and in no way similar to the inciting incident in this fictional work. Regardless, writing this piece has been a cathartic way to reflect on my experience and explore my curiosity regarding the moments in between that first inspired it.

[tsgalexandriavirginia]

Sustainable Gift Ideas

By Meaghan Foran, Lawrence Miller & Co.

Can you believe it’s almost Thanksgiving? In my house, this time of year tends to bring about a combination of excitement and anxiety as we look forward to seeing family for the holidays while simultaneously prepping for some of the busiest days we will see all year at our shop. It can be hard to focus on coming up with creative and personal gifts with the craziness that the season brings, and adding a quest for sustainable options brings another layer of complexity. It’s so easy to just find some inexpensive, basically disposable stocking stuffers and be done with it… but! I have good news. I have done the work for you and come up with a handful of my favorite options for buying local AND sustainable in Alexandria. I’ll highlight a new shop each week, so take a look and let me know if you have other ideas for our readers!

Red Barn Mercantile

While not specifically marketed as an eco-friendly shop, Amy Rutherford’s cozy boutique offers a fantastic selection of sustainable gifts – you just have to know what to look for. Here’s my top five from her shop:

One of my favorite items available now is the Alexandria Market Bag, a 100% jute fiber reusable tote created exclusively for Red Barn Mercantile. The bag is crafted by artisans in Bangladesh in a fair-wage co-op and features natural vegetable-tanned leather straps (vegetable tanning is more eco-friendly than other methods). Who needs wasteful plastic bags when you have this? Its large size and sturdy construction make it my go-to bag for my weekly visits to the Old Town Farmer’s Market, and the “Alexandria” logo will make your recipient feel like a local. It’s the perfect gift for your mom who lives far away but wishes she was right next door.

Need something for your bearded man? Consider an old-school straight razor and blades. The straight razor will last forever and the metal blades can be recycled – just make sure you keep them in a blade bank (such as a sealed tin can) to keep them safe from kids and pets.

These chic reusable tin picnic plates come in fabulous patterns and would be such a thoughtful gift for your friend who’s always having a party. They’re durable, making them great for kids and busy crowds, and they totally eliminate the need for wasteful plastic plates. These would also be great for getaway cabins or lakehouses, so I’ll be stocking up on some for my relatives who let us crash at their lake house every year.

Sustainable hostess gifts can be a challenge, but Red Barn has you covered. You can’t go wrong with simple, elegant cotton napkins and these pretty sets make it easy to consider cutting down on single-use napkins in the kitchen. We eliminated disposable paper products from my house and instead use napkins similar to these for our meals. They somehow make each meal just a little more elegant, and I feel good knowing we can just wash and reuse them instead of throwing them in the trash.  

[homebrewtalk]

6 Beginner Beer Recipes and Styles

We find ourselves in a golden era of beer. There are more breweries open in the United States than ever before, with more and more opening every day. Countless styles and amazing quality are at our fingertips, and tips of our tongues, in nearly every city in the country. As homebrewers, this massive quantity of great beer can be inspiring, urging us to follow their lead, try new styles, and better our craft. If I drink a great beer, my first reaction is: How can I brew this?

But this immense quality can also be very intimidating. After a failed batch or two (or three), we can easily lose our will to continue. As one friend of mine put it: “With so much great beer, why on earth would I bother trying to make my own?”

While it takes perseverance and years of practice to brew those A+ beers consistently, the good news is, that it isn’t that difficult to be brewing really good beer at home on a regular basis. In fact, with two very simple rules, the quality of your beer will get noticeably better immediately. Those rules: Keep it simple, and Brew Seasonably.

Keep It Simple

When I first started brewing, I didn’t really understand how different ingredients worked together (or competed with each other) in the finished product. Wanting to brew a pine-forward IPA, I reached for a bunch of different hops, threw in juniper berries, and had a malt-soup with a menagerie of different caramel malts. The result was a sickly sweet mess that tasted more like peanut butter than it did an IPA. It went immediately down the drain.

The second batch was better, except this time I was aiming for a spicy Belgian Pale Ale. I threw in a half pound of cardamom pods, and WHOA: the finished product tasted like a cardamom-laden cleaning product. (If only I had realized that I could have replicated those flavors from the yeast alone!)

We live in an age of experimental brewing. There are delicious commercial examples of beers that use different fruits, spices, nuts, flowers, and even meats, and it’s tempting to try producing some crazy recipe yourself: how about a Salad Porter brewed with dandelion greens, arugula, and iceberg lettuce! But what I was slow to realize in my early homebrewing attempts, is that great beer can be brewed with the most simple of ingredients. In fact, many traditional brewing practices use only four basic ingredients: hops, barley, yeast, and water. And while there is nothing wrong with trying to brew a Salad Porter, before one can successfully experiment, it’s important to know exactly what each of those basic ingredients contribute to the final product.

Below, I’ve compiled six simple recipes that use relatively few ingredients, and yet are consistently household favorites of mine to brew. These are beers that anyone can brew, and I regularly feature them on draft at my house.

But the recipe isn’t the only contributing factor to brewing great beer. While there are dozens of tiny variables that can make or break a beer, perhaps the most significant of them is insuring that you are fermenting your beer at the right temperature.

Brew Seasonably

The single biggest factor that can separate good beer from mediocre or bad beer is fermentation temperature. Understanding what conditions your yeast thrives in will immediately take your homebrew to the next level.

Many homebrewers either purchase or build temperature controlled chambers for their beer. Some – like myself – retrofit a refrigerator or old chest freezer with heating elements and a thermostat, and others wrap heating pads around their carboy. There are also commercial examples – like the BrewJacket – that can regulate your fermentation temperature electronically. But as important as it is to control fermentation temperature, I rarely advocate for a beginner to invest in this equipment: it takes both space and capital, and there are enough initial startup costs (brew kettle, carboys, racking canes, bottle caps, bottle capper, etc.) that these extra toys can wait.

Instead, I encourage you to be a seasonal brewer, and take advantage of the natural environment in which you live. Does it regularly get to 90°F in the summer? Try brewing a Saison that thrives in really hot temperatures. Do you live in a place with a lot of snow and ice in the winter? Try a good winter lager like a Schwarzbier and lager it in a snowbank. After all, this is how most styles developed in the first place! Most importantly, see if you can find one location in your house that is consistently around 68-72°F: this is where you’ll want to brew your American ales.

What follows is a list of five of my favorite seasonal recipes that can take advantage of the natural climate, with brief introductions to those styles and simple how-to instructions.

A Note on the Beer Recipes

For each recipe, I’ve included percentages of grains and calculated hop IBU’s in parentheses with exact quantities by weight to the left. I’ve found that different homebrewers prefer different sized batches: many beginners start out with one gallon batches, I prefer three gallon batches, and I have several friends who opt for five, five-and-a-half, or ten. Therefore, I’ve chosen to include the percentage of each ingredient required.If you’re brewing 5 gallons, feel free to use the exact amounts.

There are lots of free on-line brewing software sites – like brewtoad.com, which is my favorite – that can help find the exact quantities for each batch.

Petite Saison

A Saison is a farmhouse ale that was typically brewed by farmers in the warm months of the early summer and drunk throughout the year. Lighter Saisons were brewed for quick consumption in the summer, while heavier Saisons tended to be conditioned in their cellars and saved for the winter months. Saisons can be very different from each other: Belgian Saisons tend to be dry with spicy clove-like phenols and a biscuity finish. French Saisons tend to have a little sweeter profile and a fruitier aroma. Many American Saisons are often spiced with various spices or botanicals. (To learn more about the history and variety of Saisons, check out Farmhouse Ales by Phil Markowski.)

Saisons should be fermented very warm: usually around 80°F or even 85°F. Though the beer will show fermentation activity almost immediately, the yeast is a very slow worker, and it can take as long as a month for the beer to fully attenuate. However, if brewed in the warm months of July, the beer will be ready to drink in the hottest moments of the summer in August.

This particular Saison is a low ABV example of the style with a lot of spicy pepper and clove flavors, and – if allowed to fully ferment – it finishes really dry. The beer itself is crazy simple … if you’re patient!

Grain: 5 lbs – Belgian Pilsen Malt (67%) 1.75 lbs – Rye Malt (22%) 0.75 lbs – White Wheat Malt (11%)

Hops: 1oz Tettnang @ 60 minutes (19 IBU)

Yeast: Wyeast Belgian Saison 3724

OG: 1.040 FG: 1.009

Single Infusion Mash, 148°F – 60 minutes Raise Temperature to 170°F – 15 minutes

Boil 90 minutes. Chill, pitch yeast at 68°F. Ferment one month or until FG is reached.

Dry Irish Stout

Guinness! The quintessential Irish beverage: can one even think of Dublin and not think of Guinness?

Dry Irish Stouts are pitch black beers (that, despite Guinness’ claim that they are, in actuality, “a very dark shad of ruby”) with a distinct roasted flavor akin to coffee. Roasted barley is the key ingredient here; this is what lends the beer that unique coffee and bittersweet chocolate character. Irish Stouts tend be to served on nitrogen, something that homebrewers cannot accommodate without special equipment, but even when on CO2 or bottle conditioned, a long lasting, tan, frothy head is expected.

These beers are great in winter, and as long as your ambient house temperature is somewhere between 68°-72°F, they are easy to consistently brew. If you want a softer roast character, try cold-steeping the dark grains: immerse them in water in a covered glass jar, let steep for 24 hours, strain, and then add it to the last few minutes of the boil.

Grain: 5.25 lbs – Maris Otter Pale Malt (67%) 1.75 lbs – Flaked Barley (22%) 1 lb – Roasted Barley (11%)

Hops: 2.25pz East Kent Goldings @ 60 minutes (40 IBU)

Yeast: Wyeast Irish Ale 1084

OG: 1.042 FG: 1.011

Single Infusion Mash: 156°F – 60 minutes Raise to 170°F – 15 minutes

Boil 60 minutes. Chill, pitch yeast at 68°F. Ferment at 70°F for ten days, or until FG is reached.

Hefeweizen

Hefeweizen, literally translated as “Yeast Wheat,” is, together with Pilsner, the unofficial national drink of Germany. Nearly every brewery in the country brews one of these refreshing brews: cloudy and hazy with a thick, foamy head, Hefeweizens have a strong banana aroma accompanied by spicy cloves. Though American versions were quite common in the early days of craft beer, they’ve grown a little less popular amongst the wider public, and domestic examples can be surprisingly difficult to find. Thankfully, they are among the easiest beers to brew ourselves! (If you are looking for further reading on the history of the style and brewing suggestions, I highly recommend Brewing With Wheat by Stan Hieronymus.)

Grain: 5.5 lbs – Wheat Malt (52%) 3 lbs – German Pilsen 2-Row (34%) 0.5 lb – Munich Malt (8%) 0.25lb – Rice Hulls (4%)

Hops: 1.25 oz Tettnanger @ 60 minutes (14 IBU) 1 oz Tettnanger @ 30 minutes (11 IBU)

Yeast: WYeast 3068

OG: 1.052 FG: 1.012

Single infusion mash 150°F for 60 minutes. Raise to 170°F for 15 minutes. Boil 90 minutes. Chill, pitch yeast at 64°F. Ferment 7 days or until final gravity is reached.

American Pale Ale

Without question, APAs (American Pale Ales), IPAs (India Pale Ales), and DIPAs (Double India Pale Ales) are the most popular beer styles right now in the United States, and their popularity has spread to places as far and near as Canada, England, and New Zealand. Hops are used in beer for two purposes: as a preservative (to prevent the beer from going rancid) and a bittering agent (to counteract the natural sweetness of wort). Hops are used in every beer style (by definition, to be called beer it must have hops), but they take center stage in these hop forward styles.

Besides “Pale Ale” (basically lower gravity IPAs) and “Double IPA” (double the hops, double the alcohol, double the fun!), there are multiple different versions of the IPA. A few of the more popular variants: • Session IPA: a low alcohol IPA that one can drink multiple of in one sitting without getting highly inebriated. Usually under 5% abv. • White IPA: a hybrid of a Belgian Witbeer and an IPA, it’s brewed with coriander and orange zest. • Black IPA: also called a Cascadian Dark Ale, it’s brewed with dark malts and more pine forward hops. • Belgian IPA: a Pale Ale fermented with Belgian yeast and heavy doses of (typically American) hops. • New England IPA: a hazy, cloudy, beer with minimal bitterness and bursting with juicy hop aromas and flavors.

A trip into any homebrew shop will reveal a dizzying array of different hop varieties, and though some hop combinations are magic in a glass, if one isn’t careful, these hops can really clash with each other. Thus, for a first foray into the wild world of hops, I recommend a pretty straight forward single-hop American Pale Ale. Highlighting the Citra hop, this particular recipe features flavors of grapefruit juice and orange zest, and is best brewed in Fall to take advantage of the hop harvest. (I strongly recommend Hops by Mitch Steele for anyone looking to learn more about this style.)

Grain: 7.25 lbs – American 2-Row (75%) 1.25 lbs – Light Munich Malt (12.5%) 1.25 lbs Victory Malt (12.5%)

Hops: 1.75oz Citra @ 15 minutes (39 IBU) 1.5oz Citra @ 5 minutes (16 IBU) 3.3oz Citra @ Flameout – Hold 20 minutes (this is called a hop stand) 5oz Citra – Dry Hop into primary, roughly five days into fermentation (1 oz per gallon) – 7 days

Yeast: Omega Yeast DIPA Ale (OYL-052)

OG: 1.054 FG: 1.014

Single infusion mash at 148°F for one hour. Raise to 170°F for 15 minutes.

Boil for 60 minutes. Add flameout hops and let sit for 20 minutes. Chill to 68°F and pitch yeast. Ferment 4-5 days, then add dry hops. (Optional: split the dry hops into two separate batches, one pitched 4 days into fermentation, the other 7 days). This beer will leave a lot of hop particulate in suspension, and it is recommended to cold crash and fine with gelatin when fermentation is complete before packaging.

Hoppy Amber Ale

One of my favorite beers I’ve ever made was an American Amber Ale. Not quite as sexy a style as IPA, Ambers – which are descendants from the Red Ale – have a dark (amber!) caramel color, moderate hop bitterness, and a full mouthfeel. This recipe actually came about early in my homebrewing days when I just dumped all my leftover ingredients into a kettle and hoped for the best. What I got was actually the best!

This particular recipe thrives off the interplay of the Citra and Columbus hops with the brown malt. The brown malt lends a pleasant nuttiness with just enough bitterness to counteract the full malt presence. My favorite winter beer, it is a regular on draft at my house.

Grain: 7.3 lbs – Marris Otter Malt (74%) 1.75 lbs – 17% Caramel/Crystal 20L (17%) 0.8lbs – 8% Brown Malt (8%)

Hops 0.4oz Columbus @ 45 min. (29 IBU) 0.4oz Chinook @ 20 min. (14 IBU) 0.4oz Columbus @ 15 min. (16 IBU) 0.8oz Chinook @ Flameout (15 minute hop stand) 0.8oz Columbus @ Flameout (15 minute hop stand) 0.8oz Citra @ Flameout (15 minute hop stand) 2oz Citra – Dry hop 4 days (0.4oz per gallon)

Extras 1 tsp Irish Moss @ 15 minutes

Yeast Wyeast 1272 American Ale II

OG: 1.051 FG: 1.013

Single infusion mash at 152°F for 60 minutes. Raise to 170°F for 15 minutes. Boil for 60 minutes, add hops at flameout and let sit for 15 minutes. Chill to 68°F and pitch yeast. Ferment two weeks at 68°F. Add dry hops after 10 days of fermentation.

Berliner Weisse

Berliner Weisse is a low ABV sour ale that was very popular in Berlin in the 18th and 19th centuries. Dubbed by Napoleon “The Champagne of Beers,” it is highly carbonated and lightly tart. Traditionally, the beer was served in goblets (or bowls) and a sweet woodruff syrup was added. Though the beer has lost favor amongst most native Berliners, it has been gaining massive popularity throughout the United States, and is frequently blended with fruit, dry hopped, or barrel aged.

Berliner Weisse gets its sourness from a bacteria called lactobacillus (the same bacteria that sours yogurt). Though not the only souring agent found in beer, it is easy to work with, and at its best produces aromas of lemon curd; at its worst, it gives off aromas of vomit and urinal cake.

Some may argue that Berliner Weisse is a more advanced style to brew, and the last sentence in the previous paragraph may initially scare off some rookie brewers. But no fear! This recipe is easy, inexpensive, refreshing, and perfectly suited for brewing in the hottest months of summer: not only does lactobacillus thrive in temperatures between 100-115°F, but it only takes 15 minutes to boil! Just be sure to drink it fresh: with so few hops in this beer, it’s shelf life is only a few weeks. (There’s a great chapter on Berliner Weisse in Brewing With Wheat, as well a more thorough chapter in Wild Brews by Jeff Sparrow.)

Grain: 5.25 lbs – American 2-Row (83%) 1.25 lbs – White Wheat (17%)

Hops: 0.5oz Tettnang @ 15 minutes (4 IBU)

Yeast: Rehydrated Safale US-05

OG: 1.033 FG: 1.005

Single infusion mash at 148°F for one hour. Raise temperature to 170° for 15 minutes. Mash out and collect ¼ gallon more than your batch size (if doing a 5 gallon batch, collect 5.25 gallons of wort) into a sanitized brew kettle or cooler. Pitch a handful of unmilled American 2-Row into the wort, and cover the top of the wort with sanitized plastic wrap: the goal is to keep oxygen out of the wort. Cover and keep as close to 100°F as possible for one-two days. (The longer it sits, the more sour it will become.) Remove the plastic wrap and boil 15 minutes. Chill and pitch yeast at 68°. Ferment one week.

6 Beginner Beer Recipes and Styles was originally published on HomeBrewTalk.com