#FUCKING GOD DAMNT I CANT HAVE SHIT.

[always-reblogacc]

Me staring at my computer screen

[pesterloglog]

Davebot, Aradia Megido

Page 510-512

DAVEBOT: that was fun but what do we do here

ARADIA: she will be fine

ARADIA: i dont think we need to do anything

DAVEBOT: should we put a blanket over her or something im just spitballing here megido trust the process

ARADIA: i think she looks nice like this :)

DAVEBOT: ok dr ghosts very helpful

ARADIA: you know if youre really concerned you could just pop forward a few weeks and take a little look

DAVEBOT: you know damn well im not gonna do that

DAVEBOT: aside from the fact we established i dont need to

DAVEBOT: on account of knowing everything im gonna do already

ARADIA: wow so fascinating

DAVEBOT: i know shell be fine and youll use this as an opportunity to try and get me to talk about fate and feelings

DAVEBOT: to be fair this was typical teen jade behavior

DAVEBOT: honestly shoulda done a little more research into that host body

ARADIA: that is a completely normal human sentence that a really well adjusted person would say

DAVEBOT: out of your god damnt mind if you think ill allow myself to be lectured about normal sentences by the queen of bones herself

ARADIA: :)

ARADIA: 8)

DAVEBOT: imagine having control of the cosmos and still getting knocked the fuck out by a cup of celestial seasonings sleepytime herbal tea

DAVEBOT: hee hee hoo hoo i can be in all places at once and have some sort of fucked up fanfic powers but also im trying to get my nap on

ARADIA: uh oh its bedtime

DAVEBOT: she has the ultimate freedom of being the storytime pharaoh but she forgot its lights out at eight past one

ARADIA: wow cherub curfew really doesnt play around

ARADIA: you described what she has as ULTIMATE FREEDOM

ARADIA: do you feel trapped?

ARADIA: i thought i was hanging out with the ULTIMATE DAVE

DAVEBOT: here it goes

DAVEBOT: i didnt scream it at you but yeah

DAVEBOT: shes a muse right isnt that the strongest class or

DAVEBOT: you know what its actually been

DAVEBOT: PROCESSING..

DAVEBOT: PROCESSING..

ARADIA: processing

DAVEBOT: a really long time since i necessarily felt surprised by skaias alpha timeline

DAVEBOT: once the commander in chief tells you to become a robot and you start experiencing every point in your timeline simultaneously

DAVEBOT: it all kinda blurs together

DAVEBOT: even if i got in the robot

DAVEBOT: even if i got all these crazy petaflops of processing pimpness now

ARADIA: dave you are not a flop!

DAVEBOT: shut up

DAVEBOT: even if i train every day

DAVEBOT: even if i watch every grubtube combat tutorial simultaneously

DAVEBOT: which i have

DAVEBOT: shit is just so fucking predictable now

ARADIA: yeah sucks that theres literally nothing at all to be done about that

DAVEBOT: feels like there is and i know you know that there is and i know you know i know that there is

DAVEBOT: but you have to tell me anyway

DAVEBOT: even though i cant stand the thought of you going on even more life altering and perilous journeys of self discovery without me

DAVEBOT: its t-

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here

[goethes-ghost]

do you want some anxiety to your coffee?

I have to hold a presentation of a new program my office is working on and I’m dying. Literally. I feel like every one of my organs is failing because I’ve been under massive stress since I was dumb enough not to scream NOOOOOO!!!!!!! when they asked me if I could take over from a sick colleague.

thats the WORST, you guys. not being able to say “no” because you are too shy/polite/want to please too hard and then have to do something that terryfies you so bad that you constantly feel the need to scream and cry at the same time.

I cant sleep, eat, think straight - sometimes I forget why I feel like shit for like two minutes, just to realize it again and feel worse than before. It’s SO stupid. like…what is the worst thing that could happen? I make a dumb fool out of myself in front of everyone and they will realize that I’ve been a babbling idiot all the time. haha. perfect!

my social anxiety works really really well with my impostor syndrome, like…best buddies. hey let’s fuck up this little white dude some more, okay? god damnt it. why can’t I be chill for one damn second!

(12th march)

[3dm69vro0rvp]

GREAT, NOW SHE BITCHED ME UP UNTIL I HAD YET ANOTHER BREAKDOWN

'YOURE REALLY HARD TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW" SMALL SURPRISE, I GREW UP WITH A WHORE LIKE YOU AFTER ALL

"OH AND NOW YOURE INSULTED AGAIN" I MEAN, IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND ALL MYEFFORTS FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS HAVE BEEN IN VAIN, BUT YEAH, I GUESS IM KINDA INSULTED

"SO YOURE NOT GONNA WASH YOUTSELF, WELL, SLEEP DIRTY IF THATS HOW YOU LIKE IT" OH SURE, ITS MY FAULT I CANT DO SHIT OUT OF MY LIFE ANYMORE, TOTALLY WHAT I WHAT, THANK YOU FOR HELPING, EVEN

GOD DAMNT, AND I WASJUT ABOUT TO GET A DAY WITHOUT HER, AND NOW I HAVE TO SPENT IT IN THE ROOM, GETTING RID OF HER SHIT

JUST WHNE I GOT TO JAPAN

FOR FUCKS SAKE WHATS WRONG WITH THAT CUNT

WELL ANYWAY THERE ARE RAZORS HERE, I GUESS THEY COULD COME HANDY ATSOME POINT