#FUCK YOU GUYS FOR SENDING ME THAT SILLY CAT WITH STICKERS

[kentuckyfriedmegumi]

catgumi

[kairiscorner]

reader creating silly miguel emojis and sending them tk the spider society gc for everyone to use bc shes a fun gal ;p (and she likes annoying him too)

fr. (did i legit make a whole ass dc server for this? yes.) sorry i didn't change my display name to y/n, i got lazy 😭😭😭 also written ver with additional scenes under the cut !!

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

shitting on miggy cutely. 🫶— miguel o'hara x reader

✧ written version !! ✧

after lyla had signed miguel up for a discord account, much to his frustration, you immediately got a hold of his username (which was really generic, he named himself: 'miguelohara' at first, but lyla changed it up to: 'migolohellnawh') and added him to the spider society's discord server. you made a channel that was dedicated to showing miguel all the stickers and emojis you and the society had made that was just full of memes of miguel. thanks to earth-928's social media, you were all fed with silly stickers and emojis of him for days; you all had a spam channel where hobie and pav would have contests to see whose thumbs could spam more miguel shitpost memes, but that would be a story for another day.

as miguel got notified that he was added to a server, the first thing that caught his eye was the vulgarly named channel of the server: "shitting on miggy". he brought his eyebrows together and tapped on the bold text of the channel's name. he asked what that channel was for, pointing out the name in a disappointed manner as he typed. lyla giggled under her breath as she watched miguel try to act intimidating and angry over text, but his scrunched up face crinkled even more as he saw that the first thing you sent him was a sticker of his stern, stoic face that had the words: "this ugly son of a bitch is fucking super hot chicks and basically you are fucking stupid. how? ...just watch the free video."

miguel had clicked the sticker, and he saw the file name: "singlehotmominyourarea". he huffed as he texted you, asking you what that was that you sent, because he thought it was an actual link to something. he took his reading glasses and, when he could make out what it said, he got angrier than he already was earlier. he told you what you sent was not at all funny, and when you replied that—no, it certainly wasn't... it was very hysterical, though—you sent him a very pink and cutesy sticker of him with cat ears. miguel groaned as lyla took a hundred screenshots remotely from his phone. "where are you even getting these?" he asked you as you kept sending him more shitpost stickers.

"but i don't even like horses." miguel muttered as he saw the "save a horse, ride a cowboy" sticker you sent. "yeah, you're scared of them." lyla reminded him as he rolled his eyes. "no need to remind me." he said as he typed out that he 'hated' (didn't fear, there's a difference, and that is that miguel is fucking lying, he is scared of horses) horses. but of course, you knew his secret, and miguel pounded his fist against the arm of his computer chair. "are you seriously telling them on your end?" he asked lyla as she stuck her tongue out and shrugged, looking all smug as miguel grumbled and told you that he didn't ask for your correction, only for you to send an emoji of your favorite girl dinner: his five course meal ass on display.

"yeah, you need ass correction 'bee cee' this bakery is packed; what...?" he read aloud as lyla groaned. "get with the times, old man." "we don't say stuff like that in 2099 anymore, don't tell me to get with the times." he told his AI assistant as he looked through the emoji catalogue you guys had, and among them all, a colorful one stood out to him and he sent it—hoping you could tell him what was on the emoji, but knowing you, you'd of course mess with him again. you told him the emoji, which was promptly named: "doublecheekedup", meant the very sticker you sent him in response. it was similar to the cat-eared one, but it read: "i <3 my girlfriend", with miguel's angry face in the heart.

miguel looked at it all confused and pulled his reading glasses away from his face and back on to see if he was reading this right. he asked you if he was supposed to be flattered about your sticker, with him immediately following up with his honest opinion; that it was irritating instead of flattering to him. you told him the sticker was more 'sexy' than it was irritating or flattering, and you soon sent him another sticker, where he was diving face first with his legs spread and bottom out. miguel looked at it all baffled and flustered, where were you getting these photos...?

you asked him who he was spreading for, asking if it was you, while sending him an emoji with his back turned to the camera and his ginormous bottom in full view. miguel couldn't make out the text in the emoji and told you the text was too minute for him to read it. he also cleared up that he wasn't intentionally spreading his cheeks for anyone, he had just 'stumbled'. "sure ya did." lyla said as she appeared over miguel's shoulder with a smug grin on her face. "i really didn't, though." miguel said as lyla nodded slowly, her smug grin not leaving her face as miguel saw your next message. "because you wanted to spread your asscheeks for me, i didn't spread for anybody!" he screamed aloud in the confines of his office, pounding his fist on the arm of his computer chair as you sent the girl dinner emoji that was the very profile picture of the spider society's discord server.

miguel was heated in the face and heaving... oh, was there some unspoken feelings he was hiding about your little provocative words? maybe... he might sound like he wants out of the server immediately, but deep in his heart, he'd stay; even if you'd annoy the shit out of him with those damned emojis and stickers. they were irritating, yes, and maybe just the tiniest bit flattering in a twisted way for him. "wow, you're a masochist." lyla pointed out as miguel mumbled for her to shut up, but she was right as always.

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @binibinileonara @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @ophanimgold @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok

[haitanic]

Poly Relationship With KamiShin

I adore the idea of being in a relationship with these two, I just think it would be so good and I love them both so much. This ended up being way longer than I had planned but I could have kept going so I’ll probably write more like this.

Masterlist

SFW above the cut, NSFW below

SFW

Warnings: swearing, mentions of violence? (the boys being protective of you/defending you)

This relationship would just be one big meme

You and Kaminari clowning together

You and Shinsou laughing at Kaminari’s dumbassery

Until it goes to far and you realize he’s going to hurt himself and you both frantically go “nOooO DeNKi!!!”

Pranks

These two are in a prank war and you are on both teams

So it’s basically just you messing with both of them

They’d pull pranks on you too but it would always be really little silly things, never to the extent they’d do to each other

Neither of these men sleep

Please god make them go to bed

I mean if you’re someone who also stays up all night then oh god this is just a disaster, the three of you will never sleep 

If you’re someone who goes to bed at a reasonable time please drag them with you

I don’t think it would be hard to drag them to bed honestly, they’re both way to soft

Like if they were gaming together but you wanted to go to bed, they’d try to say they were going to keep gaming but the second you say please and ask them to come cuddle you the controllers are on the table and they’re crashing into bed with you (simps)

They literally can’t say no to you

With anything, literally anything you want is yours

These men adore you and want to take care of you

Truly just two men that I hc as drinking there respect juice

But it’s more than that, like more than respect, it’s adoration

I think when they get into a relationship with someone the feelings are strong, to share themselves with someone like that they’d have to love and trust them so much

They’d spoil the shit out of you, but you better do the same for them

And when I say spoil I don’t mean spend a bunch of money, just bring them little things and do cute things

Like bring Shinsou coffee and Denki snacks

Give Denki a $1 Pikachu sticker and tell him it reminds you of him

Show your love with memes, they will cry, you’re too perfect

Send Denki silly memes and go “dis u?” he’ll love you so muchand think its so cute

Send Shinsou cute, lovey, cat memes, like meme of a little kitten with a sappy message over it

They’re both definitely very teasing S/Os, like you’d all just be making fun of each other constantly but it’s with LOVE

Consensual bullying 

But they’d never comment on something you’re actually insecure about, they know what’s too far and they’d never go there

(If you’re like me and someone who likes to be affectionately teasing with S/Os and friends please make sure you have boundaries established and you know what is ok to tease about and what actually hurts, communication y’all, ok back to your regularly scheduled programming)

I’m gonna be honest, y’all would eat so much takeout, neither of them can cook for shit

actually that’s a lie, Shinsou can cook, he just doesn’t want to

If you can cook and enjoy it please make them meal at least a few times a week

Please teach them healthy habits

Make them go to bed, make them go outside, force feed them veggies and water please just take care of them because they don’t know how to

I mean don’t force them. like please don’t try to change them, but express your concern about their unhealthy habits and try to help if that makes sense

Ok but they are so protective, anyone who tries to mess with you better be prepared to catch hands

They’d both be so goofy with you but if anyone tries to mess with you they are stone faced in a second and ready to rock someone's shit

You are perfect to them and they won’t let anyone say otherwise

Oh and if someone said something about the three of you being together, god help them

Actually don’t, no one help them, they deserve it, not sorry

The cuddles are IMMACULATE

The positions are always changing but it’s always so good

You in the middle either with both of their heads on your chest or facing one and being a little spoon to the other

Shinsou in the middle with both you and Kaminari resting your heads on his chest, you and Kami would be holding hands and you’d all just alternate giving each other little pecks

Kaminari in the middle facing Shinsou with you big spooning him... yes please

You all just want to make sure you’re all happy, it would be so supportive and goofy and just happiness

This relationship feels like sunshine

NSFW BELOW THE CUT. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. 18+.

NSFW

Warnings: dom/sub themes, degradation and praise kinks, sadomasochism and pain kinks, vouryerism, overstim/edging, literally just fucking flithy y’all

Please note that the things I headcannon only apply if it’s something you consent to.

oof

oh god

This is gonna be nasty

But so good

I’ve seen different people say different things but my personal opinion is that Shinsou is a dom (a hard one) and Kaminari is a switch

And yes, Shinsou calls you both his kittens, you cannot change my mind, I don’t care

So there’s a few different ways I see things going

So if both you and Kaminari are feeling like bottoms then Shinsou will gladly dom you both at the same time

Shinsou definitely has a vouyer kink so he would instruct you and Kaminari on what to do to each other while he jut watched his kittens play (stop that felt so filthy to type aaaa)

Once you were both completely worn out then he’d finally step in and have his way with you both

Like I said, he is a hard dom, definitely sadistic

Honestly he’d use telling you and Denki what to do to each other as a punishment, making you overstim or edge each other till neither of you can take anymore and are begging and/or crying

Then he’d come fuck you both into the mattress

This man is going to completely and utterly demolish you (if you’re ok with that of course)

He’d be praising you both but in a way that feels so dirty, he’d degrade you both a bit with words but I think it would mostly be praise, the degrading/humiliating part is what he does to you/makes you do to each other

He’d definitely be pretty rough with both of you (always only if you consent), he’d be manhandling you guys, just throwing you around, pulling hair, choking, a little slapping if you’re up for it (I definitely think Denki is just saying)

But don’t get me wrong, he also knows how to take care of his kittens

Like he can be so soft and giving with you as well, when the situation calls for soft sex this man will give you that and he will give it so good

Just the most gentle, loving praises and soft holds and eye contact and love

Ok, next situation Shinsou and Kaminari both wanting to dom you

ok wait cause there’s actually two ways that could go, if Kaminari is feeling switchy but leaning towards dom then it would be kinda similar to the first situation, with Shinsou telling him what to do to you but he’d just be more dom with it himself and he’d still let Shinsou dom him a bit but not full on, like they’re both domming you but Shinsou takes the lead

Ok but if Kaminari is feeling full dom then god help you

I hope you have the day of tomorrow

Because Kaminari as a dom is also one sadistic mother fucker

I absolutely headcannon Kaminari as being hard and sadistic when he’s domming (I mean he’s a little fucking masochist when hes a bottom)

But yeah if it’s something you’re ok with then these men are going to destroy you

I really can’t stress how ruthless they are when they’re domming together

You’re going to get whiplash from these two because one of them is degrading the shit out of you while the other is telling you the kindest praise

“Look at you, such a filthy little whore for us to use”, “You’re so beautiful, doing so good for us baby”

But you never know which ones going to say what and they’re constantly switching roles

Yeah you’re about to get your shit rocked, there’s no other way to say it

Honestly you’re going to be barely conscious by the time they’re finally done

Alright, last variation is you and Shinsou domming Kaminari

Pretty similar to when he’s domming you with Kaminari but y’all switch places

Just demolishing little subby baby Denki

I talk about how much of a little subby baby he is in my nsfw hcs for him

As much of a sadist as he is when he’s domming completely switches to masochism when he’s a sub

He will cry and beg and he loves it, he will literally beg you two to hurt him like a whiny little boy

Baby just wants to be completely destroyed and fucked out

Gee, can you tell I’m a switch

Regardless of how it goes down the sex would honestly be so good because both of them are very giving partners

I mean don’t get me wrong, they’re gonna tease the shit out of you, but they’re both very focused on making sure all three of you feel amazing

The aftercare, oh god the aftercare

Always so cute and sweet

Doesn’t matter who topped and bottomed

Cuddles and words of affirmation for all of you, just all three of you giving and getting love

If any of you are in subspace or roughed up or out of it or whatever then whoever isn’t will give you everything you need whether that's a hot drink or a nice bath or some lotion or whatever

You all just take such good care of each other because this is a relationship built on mutual love, adoration, and respect

This got a little out of hand, much longer than I thought it was going to be, my bad. 

[still-a-morosexual-help]

OBEY ME! LESSON 47 DETAILED SUMMARY + THEORIES

The lesson starts with Simeon and Levi laughing over how Lucifer forgot Diavolo in the game. Belphie complains about what a pain in the ass it was cause Lucifer made Belphie and some of the others go back into the game to get Diavolo and how Belphie had to start with the party at the beginning and so was unable to straight away teleport them to the castle and how as it was the second play through everything was harder and how diavolo had been so pissed he’d given them all the silent treatment, though Belphie did end up chuckling about how much that had freaked out Lucifer. Belphie says that as an apology Lucifer had finished all of Diavolo’s paper work and given him a free day off so Diavolo would be visiting. Levi says that he’ll be shutting himself in his room then and when MC asks about it Levi says that it’s not like Diavolo is coming to see him and it’s not like he cares about seeing Diavolo either. That truthfully he doesn’t really like Diavolo all that much cause he’s too serious and scary and cause they share no interests so Diavolo won’t have any idea what Levi talks about and how he’s scared he’ll say something dumb in front of him and piss Lucifer off. He makes MC promise him to him away from Diavolo. Belphie says that you shouldn’t spend time with a person you don’t like anyway. Simeon says that maybe you should take the opportunity to get to know a person better before you decide whether you like them. MC can agree with either Simeon or Belphie. Simeon then gets a call from Lucifer asking him to send the other 3 home cause Diavolo has gone missing.

At home Belphie says maybe Diavolo actually ran away from home to freak out Lucifer as revenge for the whole game thing. Satan and Beel greet them at the door. Satan to show them something funny and Beel to get one of Simeon’s sandwiches from Belphie. Satan takes them to the living room where Lucifer is pacing and screaming down the phone at Barbatos, yelling about not  being able to find anything yet and demanding Barbatos calls him the second something turn up and if he can’t get to him then one of the others, before keeping the call and trying to figure out who else he can call and traumatise. Mammon is trying to get Lucifer to sit down and calm down and breath for fuck’s sake. Mammon gets yelled at for his efforts cause how the fuck can Lucifer calm down when Diavolo is missing. Except, yeah Diavolo might follow a stranger if they offer him candy, but y’know Diavolo’s an ancient incredibly powerful being I’m sure Lucifer can afford to calm down a little but whatever. Mammon tries to get MC to calm Lucifer down and honestly I love Mammon so much he’s such a good brother is2g. If Mc commands Lucifer to stay he um “EEKs”? and then blushes about the sound he just made (I’m not into romancing Lucifer at all but am I the only one who thinks he’s turned on by MC’s power over him despite his whole Sadistic Dom personality? It happened once or twice in the very beginning of S2 as well) According to Asmo while Diavolo had been going through the portal to the human world Barbatos, who has the flu, had sneezed and now they have no idea where in the human world Diavolo ended up. With the saddest expression Lucifer says, “Oh Diavolo, where have you gone!?” and I’m??? You want me to let MC come in between that!!? Lowkey wish OM! Did something like the Arcana where when MC picks a LI, a couple of the remaining LI get together. In every version where MC doesn’t pick Lucifer I desperately want him and Diavolo to get together and in the versions that MC picks either Lucifer or Diavolo I want there to be the option for the three of them to be in a poly relationship, pls. MC asks why they can’t just call Diavolo and Mammon says they’ve tried a bunch of times but being unable to. Levi says he knows someone who might be able to help

Levi takes them all to his room and Asmo is in tears as he tells levi it’s fine if his friend is imaginary cause asmo has a lot of imaginary friends – aka in his words first he imagines a beautiful man and then a beautiful woman and then well he imagines them all fucking and the fact that this otome game has 11 LIs and not a single one of them is straight is just…beautiful. I’m so happy wtf. Levi insits his friend exists and when MC says they believe him he says that even if he makes other friends that won’t displace MC’s role as his friend. Lucifer tells him to cut the BS. And it’s Alexa!? Levi introduces them to fucking Alexa and I’m screaming sir pls. It’s called Crowe here though and he completely dismisses MC’s “fnkfjkjdjkjkdvjkfd pls tell me you understand wtf that actually is” by saying how Crowe is always up to talk to Levi about any interest Levi brings up and the rest of the brothers are greatly impressed while MC goes through a crisis in the corner. Beel asks if there’s a little person inside it who talks and casts spells. Belphie while blushing asks if he can talk to crowe and I can’t fucking believe after 3 seasons MC’s gonna be replaced by fucking Alexa. Belphie asks crowe if it’s Levi’s friends and gets a “If you say so” which Levi gets really excited about and what it likes about levi and gets “how he’s able to turn everything into a negative thing” which levi takes as a compliment and this is really sad guys but then again I did once spend weeks trying to get Siri to agree to date me so… Belphie then asks Crowe to turn Lucifer into a rabbit, it obviously doesn’t work. Levi asks crowe where Lord diavolo is and MC becomes increasingly more annoyed at being the only sane person in the room. Crowe obviously doesn’t know how to answer that.

Asmo asks about the sensitive spots on Lucifer’s body (wtf asmo c’mon) and Satan asks for Lucifer’s weaknesses, Crowe answers with “I’m sorry. I can’t answer that” which the brothers take to mean that crowe knows but is refusing to say. Lucifer threatens him to keep quiet and Crowe says he understands, Belphie is upset that Lucifer threatened crowe and Levi says he made Crowe sad. All the while MC is losing their mind and insisting that Crowe’s just tech, while the brothers all ignore and talk over them. In what is probably a fit of jealous rage MC commands the brothers to all sit the fuck down and explains to them that crowe really is just an electronic device. Levi refuses to believe them and insists Crowe is his friend. This somehow leads to Levi giving crowe Diavolo’s phone number and Crowe tracking his phone and Lucifer remembers “oh yeah shit missing boyfriend”. They end up in a karaoke bar. The sweet relieved smile on Lucifer’s face when they find him is everything. Diavolo asks how he looks dressed as a human and MC compliments him. Mammon scolds Diavolo for worrying them and Asmo says he feels silly to have been so worried now, Lucifer tries to herd Diavolo back home but Diavolo says he can’t go cause a note on the door (in devildom script) says the room is cursed and only allows you to exit once you get a 100% score on the karaoke machine. Asmo’s pissed cause he has a spa/salon appointment, Levi has a gamin event, Beel has a buffet and Satan’s pissed cause he wanted to think up of more cat related hashtags he could try searching up and I’m- Lucifer says it’ll be easier to do the task than try to break the curse using magic and Diavolo agrees. Belphie says Diavolo looks way too happy. And look I’m just gonna say it now cause we ALL know it – Diavolo’s definitely behind this and using it as some way to hang out with the others.

Asmo’s happy about being able to sing karaoke and Levi complains but is also searching for anime songs so. Belphie and MC think the situation is strange cause doesn’t being in the human world mean this shit doesn’t happen to them anymore? Diavolo says the bar is owned by the three legged crow group (aka yatagarasu) – the Devildom’s largest holdings company and developers of the D.D.D.. Their mascot (Blackjak) is one of the chat stickers. Diavolo’s the majority shareholder of the company. They’ve been expanding to the human world as well, mostly because of demand from sorcerers and witches. They also developed crowe, with Levi having a prototype. Levi realising crowe’s not a real person starts crying (and wiping his face on Satan’s clothes) about crowe got him tickets for a band and how cause Levi thought crowe also liked them he made sure to buy two tickets for both him and crowe and I’m just this is so sad. MC takes the opportunity to sweep in and say y’know I’m your friend and hold Levi’s hand to which Levi blushes and thanks them. Crowe’s the one hosting the Karaoke and says if one person manages a 100 score everyone can leave and that to make things interesting he’ll be throwing in some surprises. Crowe: All right then, party on! Diavolo: PARTY ON!!!!! :D Lucifer: *SIGH*

Asmo goes first cause he’s the best singer they have, Levi complains about Asmo being good at everything when he has nothing and MC teases him about being the Avatar of Envy. Asmo nails the first part of the song but in the interlude as one of crowe’s surprises Asmo starts hearing his fans screaming to him (which no one else can hear) and starts the second part a bit late so his score is 88. As punishment for not scoring a 100 Crowe kills Asmo. Or rather he sends him to be tortured till someone is able to score 100 and set him free. Lucifer, as expected, is not pleased. Levi is excited about how this is suddenly a game of life or death. Lucifer is very much not pleased with that. Diavolo’s also extremely pleased. Lucifer’s going through it. Mammon (who was so busy picking out a song that he didn’t notice one of his brothers got kidnapped) volunteers to go next. Though he’s not as good as Asmo he’s apparently a very good singer and once sang lead vocals in a band at RAD. Mammon chooses a love Ballad “Even if I wind up as a demon, I’ll always love you” and oh baby… the brothers immediately realise Mammon fucked up when choosing the song, Diavolo goes ??? and MC ignores them all to do  what they always do best and that’s to be Mammon’s #1 cheerleader (still can’t get over how much MC took charge and planned everything during Mammon’s bday event and had the brothers start giving him his little presents/notes a whole week before the actual date, when in every other bday event they just took a backseat role and let the others plan and fix everything up while they distracted the bday person. Whether you ship them together or not you gotta agree Mammon’s got a real special place in MC’s heart.) Anyway MC cheers Mammon on and Mammon blushes and stutters and then refuses to sing the song cause he realises he just picked to sing a love song in front of the person he’s in love with and tries to switch his song last minute. But cause he completely missed his cue to start he gets scored 0 and sent to hell. Satan says Mammon should be fine cause he’s used to that sort of thing. Diavolo: :D WOW :D THIS :D IS :D TERRIBLE :D ! :D   Lucifer: Really, cause your face is saying something else entirely…

They all sit silently looking sad for a bit. Lucifer says Asmo & Mammon were their best chances of getting out with perfect scores, satan wonders (with a sad expression) where they are and what’s been done to them. Levi says let’s be real Asmo’s probably getting off rn. Lucifer says they need to focus on who’s here rn and getting out. Diavolo volunteers to go next and Lucifer shuts him down, Diavolo whines about it. MC asks if it’s cause Diavolo is the heir and they can’t risk losing him. Lucifer agrees. Diavolo reluctantly agrees but in exchange he wants Beel & Belphie to sing next together cause he once heard them at a RAD festival and they were amazing. Beel starts ordering everything on the menu. Lucifer says if they harmonize they might be able to get a perfect score. The twins sing perfectly together and Dia & Luci are beaming until Beel’s food order finally arrives by materializing on the table all Hogwarts style and well you can guess what happens then. Lucifer seems uncharacteristically rattled and upset by all this and I mean yeah he has to slowly watch his family disappear in front of his eyes while he’s unable to do anything about it – this is probably his worst nightmare. Plus if they don’t get out chances are he’s gonna end up stuck in a tiny room for the rest of his life so

They’re silent and sad for a bit till Satan says that Levi sings a lot of karaoke alone in his room. Levi says it’s not really karaoke and that he just puts on his headphones and sings along with the opening but also how does satan know that!? And satan says, well who doesn’t know that and Levi freaks out and turn to MC and they’re like lol yeah sorry and Levi freaks out more and wishes for death while Diavolo very happily says that Levi must be very talented and that he’d love to hear it someday and Levi starts floundering and deflecting. Satan says Levi shouldn’t be so modest cause usually when they go out to karaoke he doesn’t let any of them leave till he’s sung all his anime songs and Diavolo asks if Levi’s being shy cause he’s there. Levi blushes while Diavolo keeps complimenting him and encouraging him to sing and MC remembering their promise to Levi bails him out by basically saying he’d be too nervous around new people to get a perfect score and Diavolo lets it drop after Levi agrees with them. Satan’s need to leave and watch cat videos becomes too great and he volunteers and Lucifer happily encourages him. Diavolo gets closer to MC and says so did you do something to Lucifer again? Had one of your therapy sessions? And MC teases and says maybe. Diavolo happily says he knew o=it cause usually Lucifer isn’t willing to admit how highly he thinks of Satan and he actually calls MC a “family therapist” and I’m so glad someone finally said it, at this point MC should be getting paid is2g. Satan sings his favourite ballad and Diavolo compliments his singing while Lucifer just compliments Satan as a person in general for striving to do his best in everything and facing challenges with a cool head. Diavolo laughs about how much praise Lucifer’s giving out and Lucifer says he’s just stating the truth. Lucifer says satan should get a 100 until the tv starts showing cat videos, Lucifer yells at satan to not get distracted and satan is able to resist it until it starts showing a pile of sleepy kittens curled up together, who are starting to doze off. It’s too much for satan to stops the song to coo at them, he gets an 83 and is taken away. Levi says that even though it was fun at first he’s starting to get scared. Diavolo asks if Lucifer wants to go next.

[costcohotdogslut]

“Alright, okay! Tik Tok! What do we do, what do we do?” Victoria said, looking into the phone camera that Logan was holding up from his recliner. As he began to test out different filters, Victoria was whipping her hair around and acting real silly. “I’m on Tik Tok! Fuck yeah! WOAHHH!”

Running over behind the chair to see what he had recorded so far, she had to say, this definitely had the possibility to go viral! Not only did she look super cute in it, she was also VERY funny and relatable too!

“Okay, keep it up Logan, we’re doing good so far! Find the disco filter and record me doing the hustle, I think it’ll really make the video!” Victoria squealed, running back into frame and dancing for the camera.

“Uh, yeah.” Logan responded, cringing at how fucking stupid she looked right now. “Think we got enough of… that. Let’s use the golden poop head filter now.”

“Okies! I was hoping we’d use that one!” Victoria said, fixing her hair for the next part of the video and jumping up and down to get herself pumped up. “Tik Tok and you don’t stop!”

Hanging out with Victoria was… a lot. At first, Logan would have preferred to do ANYTHING but spend his Friday night inside 2J recording Victoria make an ass out of herself, but for the past few months, he had gotten pretty lonely, and, well… he wasn’t exactly above associating with her anymore (he was currently in his flop era).

His bestie, Lorde, was currently away on a year long excavation in Antarctica, getting away from the US to reinvent and find herself again in preparation for her next album. He couldn’t even be mad, he knew she needed this right now, plus she was always sending him pictures of the cute little baby seals she had seen during her mountain climbing excursions!

He actually hadn’t heard from her in a while. The last time they spoke was a few weeks ago, and it was when Logan called her in tears to tell her that the local P.F. Changs was going out of business! Where would they get their pot stickers now?! On the other line, however, all he heard in response was someone in the background screaming “Avalanche” along with a bunch of screaming and loud rustling. He got cut off after that and hasn’t been able to call her back since, but he wasn’t going to hold that against her. She probably had bad cell signal over there.

(Last known photo taken of Lorde)

Without Lorde, he could have just hung out with Sabrina instead, but ever since the little feud she found herself in with Olivia Rodrigo, he was avoiding her at all costs! From what he understood, Miss Rodrigo released a song about her ex-boyfriend, and in it, she called Sabrina pretty and iconic and everything she wanted to be in life. Her response? A follow up diss single in which she describes Olivia’s ex-boyfriend raw dogging her every single night, and how she was a stupid little cunt who could try and get under her skin but couldn’t (clearly she could). Not to mention, the guy in question wasn’t even cute enough to be fighting over!

And instead of stopping there, she released her phone number on Twitter and doxxed other personal info about her, leading to a teenage girl being harassed by thousands of Sabrina’s fans. When she told Logan all about this and asked him to show his support for her, he hung up and kinda had to block her number… at least for the mean time. Sabrina was currently the most hated person in America right now, and he did NOT want to associate himself with her.

Speaking of cancelled, Jake had a scandal of his own! People found out that he was publicly registered as part of the republican party and had (unknowingly) voted for Trump two elections in a row. He was a himbo, he literally had no idea what any of that meant or how he even got himself involved in all of that, but being a gorgeous piece of prime man meat was unfortunately not enough to clear his name for the mean time. Which sucked! Usually all he had to do was give a dopey smile and he would be forgiven of literally any wrongdoing he had ever committed.

Luckily, he still had one unproblematic friend left, Charli, but she was currently away overseas and couldn’t hang out with him. Now that Super Nintendo World was open in Universal Studios Japan, the company had decided to hire her to work and perform at the park, standing on top of Peach’s castle next to Toad all day, smiling and waving at all the guests. She had signed on for a year long contract, so it would probably be a while before he saw her again. At least she would come back loaded with all that Nintendo money. Plus she could probably pick him up some Japanese-exclusive Rosalina merch! He already cleared off a shelf in his bedroom for it.

(Charli at Super Nintendo World)

So that left him with… Victoria. And truth be told, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world after all! Sure, she was bridled with scandals of her own, but it was only because of her flippant use of the f-slur. So what? We all said it, it wasn’t even THAT big of a deal.

Plus, the two of them spent most of their time with Dustin, which wasn’t a horrible thing at all! He was so funny and charming and sexy, and he constantly made the two of them laugh.

He had actually moved back into 2J a few months ago, what with the pandemic still going on and him being out of work and needing a place to live (people were spending their money on necessities instead of his plushie subscription box, go figure).

At first, they were a little worried that it would be awkward at first, since him and Kendall had broken up and he would have to live with him again. But they were adults and made it work! Plus, before they were boyfriends, they were best friends, and they would never let that be taken away from them. So they went back to sharing a room, along with a bed, and things were just like they used to be, right down to Dustin going to sleep every night wearing only an undershirt and socks. But like I said, they were mature about the whole thing!

“Where’s my MILK!” Victoria exclaiming, shaking Logan from his thoughts as the brunette recorded herself with a creepy cat filter.

“Okay, I think we got enough material! That was good, right??” Victoria asked out of breath, Logan nodding his head and Dustin shrugging his shoulders.

“Uh huh. Let me upload it.” Logan replied, Victoria excitedly throwing herself onto the couch next to Dustin.

“AAAHHH! I’m so excited! I just KNOW this is gonna make the for you page! Quick, get out your phone Dustin and keep refreshing until you see it on yours.” Victoria said, Dustin reluctantly doing as he was told.

“I just refreshed like, 10 times, and nothing.” Dustin replied, Victoria snatching the phone out of his hand and seeing that the top result was a video of Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks jumping off a skyscraper.

“Fuck! Okay, let’s just give it a few minutes, maybe it’s just making it’s rounds.” Victoria said, jumping up and pacing around the room. “Let me think, what’s viral right now… got it! Give me a second guys, I have to go grab something.”

Scurrying away to her room, Dustin and Logan were left alone in the living room, Dustin clearing his throat while Logan scratched his head. Ever since Dustin was back in 2J, there had been a bit of… sexual tension between the two of them. Okay well they had actually fucked a whole bunch of times since then, and were going to continue to do so, but neither one had discussed what it meant for their relationship now. And before either one of them could, Victoria came running with a boombox and different props, throwing them down on the floor with a loud that caused Logan Jr. to stir. She currently had a migraine and was laying in her bed with a blanket and dark sunglasses thrown over her.

“Victoria, come on, what is all of this…” Logan asked, watching as Victoria decorated the room and threw a stupid wig on her head.

“I’m gonna post a dance challenge! People love them! I think THIS might be what pushes me to the top!” Victoria replied.

“Sure, but maybe you should-“ Logan said before Victoria loudly shushed him.

“Trust me! Dustin, press the power button, and Logan, get ready to record.” With a sigh, Dustin pressed the button, as the Harlem Shake started playing.

“What up Tik Tok! It’s your girl V-Dawg coming at you with another video! Duet this with your reactions, or show me your own dance!” Victoria exclaimed, and just as the beat dropped, she was wiggling around the living room and jumping around. “Come on guys, you’re supposed to be dancing with me!” Victoria said in a loud whisper as the two of them watched in horror/sadness at how stupid she looked.

At this point it truly dawned on them that with the way she carried herself online and the type of “humor” she used in her videos, she was still stuck in 2013. Which made sense, seeing as how this was when she had peaked.

“Are you guys doing the Harlem Shake? OMG! I wanna join!” Kendall said, duffle bag slung over his shoulder and a big smile plastered on his face.

As Dustin and Logan looked at each other, they realized Kendall was stuck in 2013 too, which… was also when he had peaked.

“God DAMMIT! Kendall! You fucked up the video! That fucking beak of yours blocked the camera!” Victoria yelled, Kendall automatically getting defensive.

“What? How? I’m literally standing behind you?” Kendall replied, Victoria throwing her wig across the room and pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“Well either way you ruined the video! I was going to go viral!” Victoria yelled, mumbling something that sounded like a quite familiar slur under her breath.

Still holding up the phone and realizing he had recorded the entire thing, Logan quickly uploaded the video to Tik Tok. If Victoria wanted to go viral, she was definitely going to tonight.

“Whatever. What’s with the bag.” Victoria said, anger suppressing as she changed the subject.

“Oh. Well… I’m actually spending the night with my… boyfriend!!! >~< He invited me over, and he’s even making dinner! Well, we both are, he said he’s going to start as soon as I get there.” Kendall said, beaming as the other three looked at him in surprise/confusion/disbelief.

“Boyfriend?? Sure, Kendall.” Logan said.

“Noooo, it’s true! He’s super cute, and successful! You’ve probably heard of him!” Kendall responded, as the three of them all gave each other a knowing glance.

“Do we now? Who is it?” Dustin asked.

“Well… it’s Armie Hammer! From Call Me By Your Name, Arrested Development, a bunch of other things. We really clicked!” Kendall said.

After a moment of silence, the three of them broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, Victoria screaming that she was about to piss herself and Dustin taking a hit of his inhaler.

“HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?!” Victoria asked, trying to catch her breath from all the cackling.

“Well, we met last weekend at Whole Foods.” Kendall explained. “I was grabbing the last carton of oat milk, and he was reaching for it too. I tried to be polite and told him to go ahead and take it, but he smiled and told me it was all mine, and he looked me up and down and… well… he said he saw something even tastier!” Kendall said with a smile, fondly thinking about that moment the two of them shared.

“And let me guess, everyone in the building cheered?” Dustin asked with fake interest and sincerity, causing the three of them to roll around all over the couch.

“Yeah yeah, keep laughing, I know you’re all just jealous that I have a super hot a-list boyfriend!” Kendall said, the laughter that had started to die down now picking back up again.

“Yeah? Just like your super hot a-list boyfriend Paul Rudd?!” Logan screamed, Kendall’s face turning sour as they made a mockery of him.

“Okay well that was… different. I’ll show you guys who’s telling the truth, I’ll ask him to come over HERE next time for dinner!” Kendall said.

“Sure Kendall! Tell him to bring Henry Cavil with him too!” Victoria responded, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Oh! Henry’s actually his best friend! He’s supposed to be at the sleepover, too!” Kendall earnestly said, met by an even louder chorus of hysterical screaming and laughter.

“Whatever. I’m gonna head out now. I’ll see you later.. whores.” Kendall said, cringing at his attempt to be cooler than them.

As Kendall slammed the door behind him, the three of them were finally able to regain their composure. They didn’t WANT to treat Kendall like a laughing stock, truly, but he really just made it so, SO easy.

Unbeknownst to them, though, it would be Kendall who was getting the last laugh.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The next part of the fic would be Kendall meeting Armie’s celebrity friends! And later on inviting him over for dinner and introducing himself to Logan, Dustin, and Victoria!

[doodlesandrambles]

He loves me....

It’s high school, at least for me, not for you ten years older, and you’re a sort of friend’s boyfriend, but shes awful to you and orders you to come pick me up, and she’ll hate me forever, but you don’t take me home at the end of the night, we go to the beach and we stay there all night, and I don’t remember, now, where my parents were or how I didn’t get in trouble, but you love me. 

you love me with ferry rides and fake proposals for attention and dancing in the rain and long rides down country roads, and very time we go to the beach, you wait for me to jump up on the edge of the boardwalk, like I did that very first night, and you hold my hand as I walk the progressively higher ledge, and you stop, at the highest pint and wait, and I say “what if I fall?” and you smiled and say “I’ll catch you” and you love me, you love me in  those hot, steamy Carolina summer nights, you love me until my parents find out and insist I move to Texas with them, and you go back to Florida, because the demons in your head mean you can’t be a Marine anymore, and you swear you’ll come get me in a year, because you love me- and then you don’t. The letter stop, and the phone calls stop and the next time I hear from you- days before my high school graduation, it’s to tell me you’re marrying someone else.  You don’t love me anymore. 

You love me. You’ve made it very obvious, and you’re always there. My mom thinks you’re sweet. Secretly, I think you’re a dork, but you worship the ground I walk on, and you love me. You love me with country songs and secret trips to Mexico, and your family hates me, but you say you don’t care. I think you do, at least a little, but we’re Romeo and Juliet, and you liked that. And you love me. you love me so much, that you can’t stand how much you miss me when I get busy with college classes, and you sleep with the downstairs neighbor. Her name is Rita, and she has an abusive husband and puts nails under my tires.  I get my first flat tire because of how much you missed me. But you love me. you love me with gas station roses and George Strait songs and promises. You love me until you decide you love the girl at work more, and she’s leaving her husband, and you guys are running away to her family in Ohio? Indiana? I can’t remember now, I don’t remember her name or how it happened. But you don’t love me anymore. 

You love me.No, wait, you hate me. No, you actually do love me, but we can’t be together,. I deserve better. Just kidding, you can’t live without me. You love me. You love me with concert tickets and 3 am breakfast at Denny’s and movie quotes and late night snuggles in your big chair, and we look like- well, ridiculous together, but I love how safe I feel in your arms, and I hate how your hair takes longer to fix than mine.  And you screw up, but you were thinking of me the whole time, and I forgive you, because you love me. And I screw up, and you cannot possible ever move past it, and you leave a hole in Jay’s living room wall, and Mark and Jeremy pull you off of him, and you don’t love me anymore. 

You love me. You are the first I dare to love, after the last who didn’t love me anymore.  You love me differently, with jealousy and possessiveness and anger. But that’s my fault, I make you say those things, be that way. I’m too loud, I flirt too much, have too many guy friends, and a sarcastic mouth that I just can’t help. A wicked tongue, you say, in more ways than one. You love me with late night gaming sessions and zombie movies and you let me read to you, those Anne Rice novels you wanted so desperately to read but didn’t have the skills to read and comprehend. You love me until we’re moving, and I’m very pregnant with our daughter, and you decide that the girl who has come to buy our bed can’t possibly buy it without a test drive. So you oblige, and she buys the bed, and you don’t love me anymore. 

You love me. But you shouldn’t, you already love someone else. So you love me with lies and stories, and by the time I know better, it’s too late, and I’m pregnant. You love me with drunken karaoke and Jimmy Buffet, with beer soaked Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons in the park, pushing swings. You love me, but you love her, and her and her, and her, too. And drugs. And I can’t, not anymore, I can’t be last in a list that long. I don’t understand, and one of the girls confronts me- me! And I don’t understand how this is my life, you neglected us for your harem for so long, so, so long. and even still, with the kids and all, I tried. But then there came the darkest of days- and I wonder if you ever think about that day, and I can’t ever forgive the way you handled that day, and I can’t listen to Tim  McGraw’s  song Red Rag Top without wanting to throw up,  and that is , in fact the day I stop loving you , but it doesn’t even matter. You already don’t love me anymore.

You love me. I spend Christmas day night on the phone with you, sitting in my moms garage. You love me with Doctor Who and zombie movies and mentions in your Podcast- and that one you made just for me. You love me with silly jokes, and your fingers in my hair when I fall asleep in your lap, and beard tickles that make me squeal and swat you, and dinner at the “Winchester” You love me until convention season, when you meet up with her- and what was her name? I don’t remember, but she’s polyamorous and into rope bondage and you and she both blog about your relationship and I read every word with tears streaming my face because you don’t love me anymore 

You love me. But you shouldn’t. Oh, hell, I’ve been down this road, and wtf are you even doing? I. DON’T. WANT. THIS. But you love me. You love me with all night texting and all the right words, and you don’t mean to cheat on your wife, but she’s so awful and so childish and I’m everything you ever wanted and you can’t wait until you’re here and can steal my oldest daughters pancakes, and every fiber of my being screams this is so, so wrong and I need to stop, but I’m addicted and every time I stop you chase and insist that this is what you want. I’m what you want. You love me with The Princess Bride and horror movies and voice messages every morning because you know I love your voice. You love me until your other online girlfriend takes you back, but you don’t say that, you just get weird, until I just walk away like I wanted to so many times before.  And in my quest to free myself entirely from you, I tell my story to to the wrong person, or maybe the right, and that’s when the scales fall from my eyes, and I see the person you really were all along, and I doubt you ever loved me at all, and I find myself in an odd position of being told to blackmail you, and it’s bizarre and finally I refuse to do as I was told, and I don’t know if that was the right thing to do,  but one thing is definite. You don’t love me anymore. 

You love me. oh, honey, no you don’t. You love your wife, but you like to think about me in the shower.   I get it. It’s cool. I roll my eyes and giggle. you probably think I don’t know about your situation, but I do. I’m not gonna give you what you’re looking for, no matter how many cute stickers you send. I answer your messages with a combination of contempt and curiosity. I’m not looking for someone to e-fuck, k.thanx.bye. 

You love me. You love me with kindness, and patience, and silly jokes and cute cat videos. You love me with late night phone calls, and whispered words of love that I only half remember when I wake up. You love me with “go to sleep,baby” and “I’ll be here when you wake up” and “I missed you so much” and “I’m not going anywhere” You love me with Always, and “That’s not a thing. I always miss you more”  And I wonder. What’s going to happen to me when you don’t love me anymore?