#FOR ONCE we had a female love interest that wasnt just a doll for the male character to get his shit together and blah blah blah. ONCE

[halion-halion-aito]

it just ticks me, how most birdflash fans constantly brush linda aside like it was nothing

it’s not about the ship per se, obviously- i am no one to tell you who you should and should not ship, especially if it makes you happy. but in an enormous amount of cases, to prop up dick and wally, linda and her relationship with wally is diminished, neglected or straight up erased. even if you cared enough to keep them close as friends.

and it’s not even to gatekeep or say “to be a fan you need to have read x amount of comics”, but in the best cases most of what people know about wally and his character comes from the young justice cartoon and the rebirth titans comic (don’t you even get me started on the way they changed wally’s lightning rod from linda to the team and how drastic it is to wally’s character).

trust me, i know that most of us are extemely discouraged from actually considering female love interests as characters with a complexity that can actually create interesting dynamics with their male equally complex counterpart. i mean, we literally talk about fridging, and that’s a problem that has affected comics, as a male dominated media, ever since their birth.

but i promise that linda is a compelling, interesting, complex, multidimensional and so wonderfully real character, especially during waid’s run; and i promise that her relationship with wally isn’t as simple as a classic male-superhero-and-his-woman-love-interest relationship is, but it’s gradual, and growing through lessons learned from each other is a process that goes both ways. in all honesty, linda is a character that stands on her own feet and is interesting to read, she’s independent and has so many flaws and virtues that balance each other and things she works on about herself. she fails and she wins and she makes mistakes and she grows up and she’s relatable and feels- again- real.

but you could probably grasp even a pinch of all of this, if before approaching wally’s story you tried to read even a few issues of the comics from, you know, before he got even lost and needed to come back into existance.

just say you can’t bother caring to even approach female characters if they’re not the protagonist, it’s much easier you know

[steponmepinkjun]

hey sara! have you ever had a what i like to call "feminity crisis"? I am super confident in myself that i identify as a woman on the girly side, but sometimes being tall (especially for where i live) has me questioning the way i see myself.

i always wonder what my personality would be like if i wasnt often called "intimidating", "overpowering" and so on

when im alone i genuinely forget that im tall and can just be myself, but when im around people im constantly reminded that im not what i think i am in my head :(

im forever wondering when im gonna stop wishing i was smal and cute

So much to unpack here. I'm gonna be using gendered and very broad/general language because I'm in a rush, on mobile, and also lazy. I'm also gonna put it under a cut cause not everyone wants my musings on their dash lmfao

Simple answer being yes. I'm tall, I've got broad shoulders, I've always had a very loud and boisterous personality once I get comfortable, I've always been VERY opinionated and not cared who knows it. I've also been told all my life that I'm "intimidating," as a reason for why I have never attracted much romantic attention, as well as a reason I have a hard time making friends, or a reason that people don't like me.

But the thing is this. I am not intimidating. I am not rude or nasty or scary, I do not have "resting bitch face," it's not my job to perform happiness for others' comfort. There's nothing intimidating about my height or my broad shoulders or my loud voice, I just simply do not fit the pedophilic female ideal of tiny, dainty, quiet, submissive, hairless, and wrinkle free—I am not a child, and I am not a sex doll. Being smart, being opinionated, being loud, none of those things are bad. I am not "too much" just because I take up space, and neither are you. I exist, I deserve to be seen and heard, so do you. My femininity is not derived from making myself as small and unimposing as possible, neither is yours. If someone thinks I'm intimidating, it's not because I actually am—I'm not intimidating, they are intimidated. And that is their fuckin problem, not mine. People who aren't interested in pulling me down don't find me intimidating. They're not threatened by my greatness.

Anyone who makes you feel like you're too much is simply projecting their own issues into you. You don't have to make yourself smaller so that others can feel better. It's not your job to hold space for how others perceive you. And it's okay to be intimidating! Being small and soft and sweet is great, if that's what serves YOU, if that's YOUR truth, if that's YOUR reality—a lot of times we're led to believe that obliging other people above ourselves will grant us happiness, niceness, or acceptance, but whether that's true or not, I think there's often more reward in changing our world to benefit us, rather than changing ourselves to benefit the world. You don't need to be "small and cute" to be feminine. And fuck people who say differently. Who cares if you're tall as a skyscraper? You can be cute as you wanna be towering over me! My perception of you, or anyone else's, has no bearing on how much respect and love and kindness you deserve. No one gets to take from you so that they can have more.

As for wondering who you would be if you weren't always being undercut by others, you absolutely can access that person and cultivate them within yourself. Just little things like asking your true inner self what you want and need, and really listening, can help you start to make that shift. Anecdotal communication here, but I get that feeling—I sometimes wonder who I would be if I hadn't been bullied/punished out of all interests, hobbies, habits, coping mechanisms, self-soothing behaviors, etc at a very young age. The answer is that I don't know, but I'm not dead yet, so I can change that, I can align myself with things that serve me now. I can choose not to keep people around if they make me feel like shit, I can allow myself to access all the behaviors I was bullied out of with acceptance instead of shame, I can give myself the space and kindness I didn't get from others. And slowly you start to change and create more and more for joy, and less room for all the other bullshit. Your personality without always having shite chatted in your ear would probably be pretty similar to your personality now, just with less shame. Speak up and set boundaries. It's not easy, but it's as simple as saying, "Hey, I actually don't like having my height brought up as a negative, please refrain from doing that or using words like 'intimidating.' It makes me uncomfortable." Boom, clear boundary set. I tend to gently pull someone aside and go, "Hey, friend. I actually would really prefer if we could avoid conversations about dieting or weight when I'm around, okay?" Because if I don't tell them, they can't read my mind and just know that I don't like it—I have to give them the room to make corrections in the future, in a gentle and non-punishing way. They can choose to respect it and stay in my life, or they can relinquish their space in my life 🤷🏻‍♀️ If people disrespect my boundary, I'm just gonna leave the conversation. I'm walking away. If they can't commit to respecting that boundary, they're not my friend, and we don't need to interact. You can always become the person you wanna be. And hopefully, you'll find a way to exist as your authentic self without shame. ❤️

Also, honestly? Maybe buy some killer heels and stomp on people's toes more often 😂

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[i-like-sex-with-clothes-on]

BRUTAL TRUTH!!

OK so I wasnt born as I wanted to be.

You know WHAT SHOULD OF HAPPENED?

When I was 8yrs old and told my parents I wanted to be a girl like my baby sister - because all the pink bed linen and blankets and long hair and dolls and everything else I had made my world to be - DIDNT MAKE THEM REALISE - they should of taken me to see a specialist that actually NEW WTF he/she was talking about and realised what I was and done something about it. So by the time I was 18 I would not have that THING BETWEEN MY LEGS and would be exactly what I want to be.

BUT that didnt happen.. instead I was told I “was weird” AND I “ was wrong” and only girls wanted LONG HAIR!!!!

WTF-  how obvious could it off been that I WANTED TO BE A GIRL!!!

I guess it was just my UNFORTUNATE life - that had me born too early re medical sciences - and had me BORN TO IGNORANT PARENTS who were primarily interested in how their neighbours and friends thought of them and their kids - RATHER THAN HOW THEIR CHILD WAS TRULY IN PAIN!

Anyway thats my burden to bare - but what I am MOST INFURIATED WITH on a daily basis throughout my life is - HOW EVERY OTHER AUTHORITY FIGURE just let me down.

Yes my parents let me down - BUT SO DID EVERY MEDICAL AND AUTHORITY FIGURE we encountered because of me.

My parents were ashamed of me - and they were SCARED OF WHAT I WAS soo much that they feared CHILD SERVICES getting involved and shaming them and their name BECAUSE I WAS BORN WRONG!

Its allot different now and GENDER DYSPHORIA is recognised nowadays - and the earleir the better is their motto - WHICH IS PERFECTLY SPOT ON!

BUT often along with Gender Dysphoria comes complex sexuality Issues - and I feel that still - EVEN TODAY - in the western world - the MAJORITY OF PEOPLE look at TG people and think “freak�� OR someone just trying to play a game!!

IT might be MORE OPEN nowadays than when I was 8 yrs old and just wanted to be a ballerina :)  BUT STILL the world hasnt come to terms with those who just dont IDENTIFY with the sex theyre born as!

In my case I had 2 positive helpers - 1 was my sexuality - its always helped me that I fancy BOTH SEXES EQUALLY - my first love and probably my one true love was a boy as I was when we fell in love - THE OTHER was a woman who gave me my SON!

Throughout life I have had partners of both sexes - probably more Female than male - but thats just because male on male relationships dont tend to last as long for some mad reason I cant explain!

My other “HELPER” was my biologicsl sister - she was EVERYTHING TO ME GROWING UP.

She is a few yrs younger than me but only 4 and once she was born I became a BROTHER for years cause I worshipped her and we had a NUTTJOB of a farther who liked to use his fists!

BUT she was my EVERYTHING and still is - and she was the one who stood by me when nobody else would - and told those in her innocent little voice that “no thats not my brother its my sister idiots” :)

You cant get or buy that kind of unconditional loyalty and love - its only ever there VIA family love - whether its your siblings or parents - if youre lucky.

In our life times - medical technology has come on along way - and im greatfull!

We understand chemicals and dna and rna and hormones etc

As a result I have round legs and hips and a bum [though its kinda small :) ] and I have boobs - and YES I can and will go every mile till I am the me I want.

BUT what I want to say is - this sort of “thing” that is me and my problems - should be dealt with at the YOUNGEST age possible - EVEN BEFORE PUBERTY if possible!

The quicker its done the better and more NORMAL LIFE the individual will have :)

It really is ALL ABOUT HORMONES AND PUBERTY!!

And I HOPE I TRULY HOPE we dont give up on trying to ADVANCE TECHNOLOGY AND SCIENCES so it makes it easier for someone like me to SWAP SEXES quicker/easier/simpler!!!

Lets try and get it down to a simple PILL! YEAH SCIENTISTS???

I dont want ANYONE having to deal with the kind of shit I have - ITS LEFT ME SCARRED!!!

May PROVIDENCE shine down on all you lovely creatures who want to be different creatures.

REMEMBER -- Youre beautifull!! and so long as you know you are - it doesnt matter what ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!

Sonya XXXX

[sarcasticlykaeon-blog]

Caught Between Worlds

Stuck. Thats how it felt, every hour of every day, for as long as I could remember. Like i was some sort of freak, on the outside looking in. I can remember when i was small, barely old enough to really walk and talk, two and a half, three...and i hated dresses. I hated pink. I hated lace and frills. If i could choose or make my will known it was pants. Tshirts and sweatshirts. Childrens overalls. I hated games in preschool. The girls always wanted to play house, with husbands and babies in some sort of elaborate roleplay. The boys wouldnt let me play with them. "No girls," theyd say. "You wont know how," or "girls arent any good at this. Go play with dolls." somehow...just because i didnt have the same lower regions i wasnt good enough. So i played alone, with blocks or toys, making up elaborate adventures or stories in the process. My mother, my aunts, my grandmother...they all wanted me to be a girl. They tried to take me underwing in baking, playing with makeup, dressup, dolls...they tried to teach me about playing with hair. Me? I just wanted to test out the new computer, watch ninja turtles, and kick butt like she-ra. My one concession to female marketed programs was Jem...but honestly? I loved the story and drama, not the glamour, glitter, fashion, or fame. I was the oldest...five years between me and my brother meant i was dads son substitute until i was almost 11. I learned things like changing the oil in a car, ms-dos programming and how to kick ass in Doom, how to tackle and fight back if grabbed by a bigger opponent. Of course...the instant my middle brother was old enough to do son things....fwip! I was ignored. About the only thing i could get the old man to do was D&D. My grandfather insisted it was a phase i would grow out of, that id become a seeker of a strong man and an actual woman eventually. My mother tried to force me to conform to gender standards. My aunt was disappointed. My father only started caring about gender normativity when i hit puberty. I never told them things like "i want to grow up to be a boy" because even at three, i knew it didnt work that way, on some instinctual level. But i dod wail and growl about the unfairness. Why is x okay for boys but not girls? Why are girls expected to be like this but boys arent? And the answer...oh the answer just upset me and angered me. "Because youre expected to be a young lady." By puberty, the words "young lady" were guarenteed to trigger a huge emotional fit of rage...but i couldnt explain why. Just like the fact that i had to fight for my place amidst whatever boys lived in the neighborhood. I had to work twice as hard to prove i was worthy of being allowed to hang out...and still they sought to ditch me at every opportunity. School was even worse. I was overly tall, strong, and hyper intelligent. I was part of the "Gifted Program" (which in most school systems is naught but busy work or a careful way to set up classes in high school to fix the averages of a class.) I was, in every concievable way the outcast. And then puberty found me. Early. The first time i bled in sixth grade, i cried myself to sleep, hiding blood ruined underwear in the back of my closet until i could throw it away. I didnt tell my mother until i was sixteen--hiding this horrid, agonizingly painful thing that happened to me once a month. When i grew breasts i hated them. I hated bras. And of course, i have breasts that grew huge. I survive with super tight sports bras and tshirts because nothing else fits my fucked up frame: ive got broad shoulders, long legs, and huge feet (size 12 womens, which is impossible to find), and im like 5'8". Id be taller but my arms and torso are short, and ive got wide hips and huge breasts and butt. I hated my body and i still do. I feel like i was a crapshoot built out of the mismatched leftovers of several people. And the shit my parents tried to enforce for gender conformity to this "new identity of a young lady." first was acne management. I wasnt a pizza face, but i did and still do have a bit of an issue with blackheads (Glasses have that effect.) But my parents tried to force me to pop my zits...and when i refused because it hurt, they basically held me down and popped them for me. Then was "shaving my legs". Okay. Underarms i get because pits stink. I shave those because it feels less stanky when i do. But their issue? My legs. I refused to do it. "Boys dont, why do i? Thats not fair!" i fought. Hard. But...like the zits...theyd hold me down and buzz my legs for me from knee to foot while i thrashed and begged...all to force on me a title i never wanted, a mold i didnt fit. And i didnt understand WHY. Why was my behavior, my life and interests and hobbies and clothing all supposed to be dictated by something so unimportant? And then...when i was sixteen, i met a person i hit it off with. A sweet and funny youth my age with hair as long as mine and a goofy smile on his face. In a few months we were dating long distance and i suspect my family sighed in relief that i wasnt a lesbian. Our fathers got to be friends(which was useful, since 200miles between us put a crimp in relations.) But this had another side effect. You see, that next year i learned something id never heard before. Something id never considered until that day in 2002. His father...felt he was a woman trapped in a mans body. I was floored. This could happen? What? So i researched what i could to understand (there wasnt much, back then.) And...i began to wonder....because all I could find was for males becoming females. Even joked with my boyfriend that the universe "got us backwards" (he agreed, seeing as how he was girlier than me) And then it all crashed to a halt one night at dinner. His father, him, me, another mtf person and two other adults were at a restaurant, and the kne guy at the table with no knowledge on trans folks was asking questions. I listened, enraptured as the emotions and disconnects id always felt were described from the other side. Emboldened, 17, and perhaps seeking some form of connection or...validation for my feelings, i piped up, expressing how i felt the universe had gotten me backwards. That was the worst thing to say, as his father unloaded on me verbally for being mocking and insensitive and jumping on a bandwagon i had no business on. Treated me like i was being scum--damn near drove me to tears and made me feel small and useless. And i thought "if this is what trans ppl are like...i dont want to be like them ever." it crushed my desire to understand my gender identity and sexuality for years. It didnt help that as time went by ot seemed every trans person i encountered was one of two things: a dramawhore with the emotional stability of a 14year old girl, or someone like my bf's father who decided that i couldnt belong to his elitest club in a fashion that echoed years of "no girls allowed" from boys everywhere. The internets vast collection of professionally offended "keyboard warriors" who spew bigotry and hate and small minded idiocy while calling it "truth" or "just what X group deserves" is a steaming cesspit of shit I dont want to be part of on any level, and unfortunately many of them claim to be whatever "alternate" gender identity or sexuality is the fad this month. Its not winning me over at all, and made me shy further away from actual people i might be able to relate to...maybe who can help me. I finally did own up to something when i was 23--I was more sexually attracted to women than men. In fact...beyond a few emotion driven crushes as a teen, the only male i have ever found attractive was that same goofy, funny, smiling boy with the long hair...except these days hes my supportive, goofy, smiling mate with the softest heart of gold ive ever known inside a powerful and intimidatingly sized viking-esque exterior. But again...because on the outside, our relationship seems very "normal" im not welcomed much by the vocal minority and so im super wary of all parts of the lgbt crowd. I dont advertise or tell my relatives--my parents and their respective siblings are between 50 and 70 years old. They barely believe this stuff exists. I still dont want to be a girl. I dont want the societal expectations of it. I hate having breasts that risk knocking my teeth loose if i move too fast. And dont get me started on the fucking shit show that is my sex life. Its a complicated shit show that starts with the disconnect of parts and ends with kinks i can never actually engage in because, guess what? Im a GIRL. But at the same time, i stare at the only transmen examples and stories i can find, which seem to be rare and hidden somewhere, at places like fb and tumblr and twitter...at pride rallies and news stories...at stuff recounted by friends...and i dont want to be associated with people whose actions turn them into examples of literal human garbage. And so here i sit, caught between two worlds, never part of either one and feeling like im slowly drowning. It seems like one doesnt want me and the other i dont want... Im so tired of being stuck.