#FATHER KIRSTEIN

[mayariviolet]

In other news… I think I might make a series where I put my faves into priesthood solely for my them to succumb to blasphemous and earthly temptations (fucking RAW.) After Gojo we might have to circle back to Jean… Because this fan art… and this Mitski song?

mhm exactly.

[jeanboyjean]

when he's good with kids 🥰

[hangeslefteye]

I hope I'm not just a dilf to you guys but a friend aswell ^^ -Erwin Smith, possibly

[kittenfangirl20]

*Jean is hanging out with Armin*

Jean: Are you sure that the father of Historia’s kid is really that farmer?

Armin: Why are you bringing this up? Why would you think that Historia would lie to us?

Jean: I mean look at the kid.

*points at Carla Ymir who has her hair up in a familiar bun and is running around while randomly yelling “Tatakae”*

Armin: If the farmer isn’t the father, I wonder who it really is?

Jean:………………………..

[xinmin-exe]

Attack On Titan characters as Parents

Note: I haven't really watched attack on titan in years, so I'm sure all of these characters are gonna be OOC ALSO i am making it so everyone survived in the end and they all got their happy ending because these babies deserve it

WARNINGS: fem!reader, brief mentions of past trauma, mentions of miscarriage, very brief mention of the birthing process,

Eren

Eren was so traumatized after what his father did, he almost had a break down when you told him you were pregnant. It took him a couple weeks, and many, many late night talks with Armin until he was willing to try to be there for you. Eren was so nervous and worried he was going to be just like his father but the moment he saw his kid, everything just clicked. He was so gentle with them and always made time to talk and play with them during the day. As they got older, their bond grew even closer as Daddy and Aunt Mikasa took them out hunting every couple of weeks. Eren is an amazing father who despite everything he went through, made damn sure to do better for his child.

Armin

Armin never imagined having children, it just wasn't something he saw in his future. that was, until you came into his life and changed everything. When your little bundle of joy was born, Armin was in tears. He couldn't help but admire them and want to give them everything. Since then, Armin has done everything to nurture their ideas and passions. He even took them to the sea and let them play around. He wanted them to grow up with everything he couldn't have (aka, parents) so he did everything he could to stick around. Armin turned down multiple high government positions just to stay close to you and his child. Armin is the parent we all need in our lives.

Mikasa

When you approached Mikasa with the idea of wanting to adopt, she was speechless. Ever since her parents were killed, she never thought about having children. However, she loved you so much that she wanted to at least try. After all, she wasn't exactly motherly (at least that's what she will tell people) When Hange introduced you two to a young child (maybe 5 or 6) from the underground Mikasa's heart melted. She saw herself in this child so much that her protective instincts kicked in. She was so protective of this child, no one, and i mean no one besides you could be left alone with them. Even if it was armin or Eren, Mikasa was always in the room, one second away from glaring the other person into the next century. Mikasa really warmed up to the idea of being a parent and fit into the role well.

Jean

Jean was the one of the only in the group who wanted to still have kids. He knew what he wanted from life and was damned if some suicidal maniac was going to stop him. So when you were giving birth, Jean made sure he was right next to you, holding your hand and encouraging you the entire time. Even though you did scream at him "this is your fault! If i live through this i am going to KILL you Kirstein!" (the nurses thought that it was funny) But once your child was here, nothing else mattered. Once you were able to leave the hospital and go home, all Jean did was take your kid around and show off. Constantly saying "look at what i did" or "aren't they just gorgeous like their mom?" He always had something to brag about (even if the thing wasn't brag worthy), to Jean, anything your child did was amazing. Jean is very much the parent to scream at the back of the room while their kid is performing and embarrass the shit out of them.

Connie

Connie hadn't given having kids much thought. Afterall, he didn't even know if he'd be surviving long enough to be given that option. But once you told him you were pregnant, he was over the moon! Connie didn't let you move a muscle, ever. You need something from the top shelf? He's getting the stepstool. You want some food? He's already getting the ingredients out. And when you went into labor, he was right by your side. He let you squeeze his hand as hard as you needed to, and he made sure you were given everything possible to make birth as comfortable as it could be. Connie was so overwhelmed with love once he laid eyes on your child, the only time he let you hold them was when they needed to be fed. Connie got up to soothe them during the night, claiming it was the least he could do since you went though the pain of giving birth. Connie was there at every single milestone for their life, and he was never, ever going to stop being there for them; or for you.

Sasha

Oh boy, Sasha is the cool mom. When you two first adopted your child, she was admittedly a little awkward around them. But, after many late night snacks and a few bad cooking experiences, Sasha blossomed into a wonderful mom. She made sure they were eating properly and always had snacks on her. Your kids friends know that they will eat good when Sasha is around, and you two have become THE family. Sasha does tend to spoil them and say "yes" practically every time they ask for something, but they never try to manipulate that. You and Sasha both make sure your kid is kind and humble and thoughtful. With Sasha at your side, nothing is impossible and raising a child together was the best decision you two ever made.

Levi

Levi initially turned down the idea of having kids. Claiming that he was not fit to be a father, but fate wasn't having it. When you found out you were pregnant, you were worried to tell Levi. You knew he didn't want kids and you had grown to be content with that. What would he say when he found out? Would he leave you? Those thoughts sent you spiraling when Hange eventually let the cat out of the bag. Levi was silent but you could see in his eyes that was he happy. Even though he didn't want kids, he knew he wanted you. If that meant having to raise another brat then so be it. At first, he did the basics, changed their diapers, fed them, etc. But he never truly bonded with them until they were older and confided to Levi that they felt like an outsider looking in. He listened and did his best to offer advice and words of wisdom that might help. From then on, Levi was so much more involved and made sure that they were getting the life they deserved.

Erwin

Erwin was possibly the most excited to be a father. After everything, when things began settling down he approached you with the idea of trying for kids. At first you were the hesitating one, but Erwin was able to convince you to at least think about it. After a while, you were on board and baby, he got to work. It was along road, you had a miscarriage and that was demoralizing. Erwin made sure to support you the entire time. He understood that you may not want to try again and he was okay with that. It took you a year or so after for you to want to try again. But eventually, with enough effort and support, you gave birth to a beautiful baby. Erwin was in love with your child the moment he laid eyes on them. He spoiled them as much as he could, whenever he could. He was a dotting husband, and even more dotting father.

Hange

Oh boy, Hange is.. enthusiastic to say the least. They see it as a new experiment, at first. Hange takes your pulse every day, they measure how much you eat as well as your weight. When you gave birth, they were overwhelmed. There was a beautiful little bundle wrapped up in your arms and all Hange wanted was to hold them. Hange was so careful that you almost had to do a double-take. They held your child so gently, like glass. From then on, it was like the whole world vanished for them. They prioritized being there and being a parent over anything. Hange recorded all the milestones (first steps, first word, first tooth, etc) but they also recorded every other moment (like when they babbled for the first time, or when they first rolled over). But to Hange, they were all important moments.

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

Hey this one is a bit oc ish do I hope you don't mind but can you write some headcanons for Jean falling in love and secretly dating Levi's adopted daughter? (Bonus fact is that she's basically adopted by the entirety of the scout regiment)

jean kirstein falling for you, levi’s adopted daughter

the day jean kirstein realized you were levi’s daughter was the day his world came crashing down. unusually deterred by a parents opinion, he knew this was different. levi put the fear of god into his heart as a young cadet.

it didn’t completely stop him though. jean just realized he had to watch the way he looked at you when he was around.

it wasn’t helping that you were adored by the rest of the scout regiment. everybody bent over backwards for you. you were the princess of the squad and it made jean want you terribly bad. he wanted to treat you better than the rest.

you were easily impressed by his boldness. no other cadet bothered to make a move, no matter how much they’d wanted to, knowing levi was always around lurking when you were present.

jean decided to ask you out when the scouts were helping the garrison regiment test the cannons. he knew your father wouldn’t be able to hear over the booms. you said yes.

he’d often met you in the middle of the night outside your room. the hallways were always filled with your whispers when the moon was at its highest.

the longing looks at meal times were treacherous, looking too long would raise suspicion.

he’d sneak you an extra piece of bread during dinner, dropping it on your plate as he walked by.

on days with nothing to do, jean would sit and mend up your odm gear, polishing any scratches and checking for any possible malfunctions.

that’s when levi knew there was something going on, when he found jean meticulously going over your belt. he didn’t say anything and let him do what he was doing in peace.

levi pretended to be in the dark about it for most of the time. truth was, jean wasn’t very subtly and you weren’t good at hiding that lovey-dovey look in your eyes.

levi found amusement in watching jean watch you. he liked the way jean’s eyes would flicker from you back to him, to see if he was watching.

levi made it his personal mission to bother jean about it, acting like he was suspicious of you two.

jean would get all flustered when levi would confront him. he’d play incredibly stupid.

in reality, levi accepted that you were old enough to make your own decisions about who to date and he could see that jean clearly cared deeply for you. he just liked seeing jean buckle under the stress.

click here for my jean x reader slow burn fic

[jeankirsteinsgirl]

Omg I’m ovulating and I need Jean right now 🥸could you pls write something about country boy Jean and a shy reader 🙈 I just know he is so charming, low key kinda cocky, and drives a pickup truck 😿😋

Your wish is my command

Save a horse Ride a...

WC: 5.5K (i promise its worth it)

Summary: city girl reader comes home to her family far and sees Cowboy Jean

CW: finger-sucking, cunnilingus, creampie, slut, good girl, princess, sweetheart, Jean has a huge cock, slight dumbification, slight degradation, doggy, spanking. NSFW MDNI 18+!!!

It’s been a few months since you’ve been home but you’ve really been missing the small back-roads town you grew up in. Growing up, generally, no one really left your home town so it was rather unusual for you to take a job in a big city a few hours out. No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself you knew in your soul you longed for the sound of the crickets at night under the full moon, the one diner in town with the absolute best burgers and shakes, the smell of your family’s farm wafting through your open window at night, and how much brighter the stars shined under the wide country sky. 

You missed it more than you cared to admit, so coming back home to work on the farm for two months this summer didn’t sound too bad. Your mom posed the idea one night when you were ranting to her about the stress of your “big city job” over the phone and she suggested you were just homesick and needed to take some time off, get back to your roots, and she was right. So here you were driving down the interstate through miles of nothing on either side in your fancy new car that dramatically contrasted with the dusty environment around you. You knew you’d hear a bunch of grief from your friends and family about how you dressed now and the loss of your sweet southern accent but you were prepared. Pulling into the long gravel driveway of your family's farm just on the outside of what was actually considered “town” you saw your dog run down from the front door to excitedly greet you. You walked out slamming your car door and slinging your bag over your shoulder before smothering your best friend with pets and kisses “Wish you’d do that to me sweetheart” came from a low raspy voice behind you in that signature cocky southern tone, you didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. Of course, it was him, your father's favorite farm hand, Jean. How could you forget that he’d be here? 

You and Jean had a long history, and by history you mean the ongoing phenomenon of you secretly pining after him for years as he worked for your dad and him constantly flirting with every woman he laid his eyes on. He was very popular around town, especially among the girls. When you were home you’d always see Jean dragging back a different girl to his cabin next to the horse stables and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, deep down feeling just a twinge of hurt that it wasn’t you. 

You just rolled your eyes and stood up, walking towards the front door of the big white house you grew up in “C’mon darling, I don’t even get a proper greeting?” He said smirking while leaning his right arm against your car “I’ll see you later when I go to help out with the stables Jean..” you replied in a mildly annoyed tone promptly reaching the door of your house and slamming it shut behind you. You were already stressed out about your job the last thing you needed to be stressed about was Jean fucking Kirstein. 

You walked up the rickety old stairs stained with splotches of paint, dirt, and who knows what else before reaching your room, the first one on the right, unfortunately with a perfect view of Jean’s cabin through your big, open window. You quickly shut your curtains and turned away from the view. You were not doing that. Not again. You didn’t need to know who Jean was gonna bring home tonight and cry into your pillow like you were 16 again.

 So you unloaded your things onto your bed and walked back downstairs to your mom who had already prepared a huge lunch for you. She insisted working in the city with such a stressful job had made you far too skinny and you needed to “put some meat back on those bones” so she sat you down at the round dining table in the corner of the kitchen and placed a cornucopia of your favorite foods from when you were little, her famous southern mac n cheese, a few tenders of fried chicken, some green beans for vitamins, and of course a slice of apple pie complete with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream and a coke. “I’m never gonna eat all of this mama” you giggled looking down at the absolute feast laid in front of you, god you’d been here for maybe 15 minutes and your slight accent had already made a comeback. “Well baby whatever you don’t finish we’ll have for dinner how ‘bout that hm?” She said sweetly stroking your arm “Saw you talking to Jean out there. Such a sweet boy, that one. I know your father likes him a whole lot.” You laughed softly to yourself at your mother’s comment of Jean being a “sweet boy” not wanting to get into an unnecessary argument, all you asked in response was where your father was, considering it was strange he hadn’t greeted you in one of his famous bear hugs yet. You were informed he went into a town a few towns over to pick up some more cows for the farm and wouldn’t be back for about three days. Three whole days you will have to work on the farm with just Jean, without the presence of your father as a buffer. Great. 

You scarfed down the delicious meal your sweet mother so graciously prepared for you, maybe she was right, you hadn’t been eating enough. You put what was left over in your oversized fridge and thanked her once again for welcoming you back with such open arms. You did the dishes and took your dog for a run, trying to put off your farm responsibilities until tomorrow mainly for one reason in particular. Unluckily for you the path you took on the run winded through Jean’s smoking spot when he was in-between tasks, how could you forget that? 

“Hey, princess why don’t you take a break and sit with me, hm? Got an extra cigarette just for those pretty lips.” He exhaled, smoke ghosting over his lips as he patted the spot next to him with his large hand. As much as your heart longed to find some semblance of affection in Jean’s flirtation you knew you weren’t special, he flirted with every breathing female who crossed his path, and playing into that would only hurt your feelings more in the long run. So no you would not smoke with him, you had things to do, none of them being Jean Kirstein. 

“Don’t smoke anymore, ‘ts bad for you, you know.” You remarked annoyingly trying to come off completely disinterested in his advances. “Oh, I see, the big city’s turned you into a good girl huh?” he teased taking another long drag, god he looked so good like this. All sweaty from working outside all day, tan with a slight sunburn across his nose dotting just a few freckles, his hair pushed back. “I’m not about to take advice from someone with a mullet” you scoffed and continued your walk as he protested behind you, it was hard to walk away from the opportunity to sit with him but you had to do it. You couldn’t run the risk of being any more captivated by him than you already were. 

After you returned from your walk and had been sulking in your childhood room a few hours later the time had come, like a doomsday countdown your mom stalked your door and asked why you hadn’t been out to see the horses yet. “They miss you a whole lot honey, don't know why you’re leaving 'em all high and dry like this.” She said with a slight tone of disappointment. She was right, it had been forever since you’d been in the stables and you couldn’t let Jean keep you from the horses forever, besides that wasn't fair to them. You’d just have to tough it out. Who knows maybe he’ll be somewhere else when you decided to go check up on them and perform your chores. 

You agreed with your mom and sighed as you pulled your body away from the soft comfort of your warm bed. It was boiling hot out so you needed to change it if you were going to be doing any actual work. You threw on a tank top and pair of old cut-offs you’d cut from jeans when you were 17. You looked pretty good you weren’t gonna lie to yourself. You headed downstairs out the front door and into the stables. Luckily it appeared the only living thing inside was the horses. You breathed a sigh of relief as you greeted each of them, pressing soft kisses to their noses and scratching the special spot they like behind their ears. You noticed at least two of them needed a bath, god does Jean even do anything around here besides antagonize you? 

You set your hat on a fence post and led one of the horses out into an open area where she could be bathed. You grabbed the hose and went to work scrubbing her silky mane and making sure to get her hooves as well. While you were diligently working on the task before you, Jean returned from wherever he was previously causing trouble. You caught him out of the corner of your eye just outside the big open doors of the stables talking to a tall blonde girl. “Yeah baby ‘ll see you later tonight all right,” he said in that sly seductive tone as he pushed some of her fried blonde hair behind her ear, and even worse you could see his large calloused hand resting on her ass. God you wanted to disappear right then and there, why did you have to be subjected to Jean’s promiscuous affairs? You pretended not to notice and continued working a brush through the black main of the horse in front of you “Can you believe him” you whispered to her “You probably can I guess, you must see it all the time” you said as you began to work little braids in the freshly brushed out mane. “Hey Princess picking up my slack huh” his voice came from the open doors as he stomped his way towards the other horse that needed to be bathed. “Not really, I’m just doing what needs to be done around here. Someone has to.” You scoffed in response to his obnoxious comment, how could you be so into him when he’s so aggravating?

You couldn’t stop thinking about his hand on that girl’s ass and his promise of seeing her later tonight, the look of lust behind his pretty amber eyes. Why couldn’t that be you? It’s not like his standards were high and you weren't ugly… why had he never chosen you. “What you thinking about over there pretty girl?” he said “Nothing just trying to get my work done so I can go back home” you replied nonchalantly not wanting him to see behind your facade. So you finally got your work done and succeeded in avoiding Jean for the rest of the night. You kept your promise to your sweet mom and ate your leftovers with her at the dining table before heading up to your bathroom for a hot shower. As you soaped up your body you thought of his hands, how they would feel against your soft skin, what his lips would feel like against yours, then you thought of her. About how he’s probably bottoming out in her as you were showering and the thought made you shiver. You could always check… He left his curtains open all the time, you could see what he was doing right now. No that’s pathetic. You're not 16 anymore. You quickly finished your body and wrapped yourself in a warm towel before walking back down the hall to your room to get dressed for the night. You finished up your nighttime routine, brushed out the long locks of your thick hair, and threw on a big comfy shirt you kept from one of your past boyfriends.

Walking to your bed to scroll through your phone for a little bit the curtains blew open from the movement of the air and you could briefly see into Jean’s window. You didn’t turn around, for about 5 minutes that is. You couldn’t stand not knowing what he was doing. You had to know if he kept his promise of meeting that girl, so you slowly walked over to your window and took the thin fabric of the curtain between your fingers, carefully moving it to the side.

Your fears were confirmed when you looked straight into his bedroom and saw his slender fingers digging into the hips of some girl with a terrible fake tan. Her face was contorted in pleasure and you could even hear them as Jean was making her scream around him due to their proximity. You saw his face too, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and little strands of his brown hair making their way into his eyes, a red tint across his cheeks from exertion and a slight glimmer of sweat against his skin. You shouldn’t be watching this, this is a private moment between Jean and whoever his girl of the night was, but you couldn’t help yourself. The way his hips snapped up into her with delicious fervor just had your mind wandering about how that would feel if it was you instead. His abs contracting with each thrust had your hands wandering down the hem of your cotton panties as you sat back on the edge of your bed. Your eyes were glued to him the entire time as you slowly played with the wetness pooling between your legs, dipping your fingers inside yourself imagining they were his. You felt yourself getting closer and closer to orgasm as your breathing grew deeper and more labored. His grunts and groans were music to your ears as you felt yourself slipping over the edge. You called out his name as you let go, your body shaking with pleasure.

Your eyebrows now too were furrowed in pleasure as you watched him please the girl bouncing on top of him, You briefly shut your eyes as you got closer to your approaching high, imagining he was thrusting into you, whispering nasty things about how good you were for him. You wanted him- no you needed him so badly. As you came on your delicate fingers you opened your eyes to the pornographic scene displayed through your window, and whether you imagined it or not you could've sworn for just a second that Jean’s eyes were on you, watching your body heave up and down at the pleasure you gave yourself. But just as soon as it happened it was gone, he was whispering dirty inaudible things to the girl below him, you weren’t sure if he spotted you watching him at all. 

No, he didn’t, it was just your imagination, you decided. Jean’s never been in your room, he doesn’t know you have a view of his house from your window so why would he look in your direction at all? It just doesn't make sense.

Having found comfort in your conclusion that Jean had not caught you touching yourself for him while he fucked another girl, you quickly washed your hands and tucked yourself in for the night, dreading having to see him tomorrow. You lay in the dark and thought about the situation. You wondered if you should confront him or just pretend it never happened. Your heart raced as you tried to decide what to do.

Unfortunately, the sun rose the next morning, bringing about a new challenge of having to face Jean after the last night. You slept in for as long as you could, hoping to burn the daylight and not face him any sooner than was absolutely necessary. Your mom, however, knocked on your door around 10:30 to make sure you were feeling okay, as it was unusual for you to sleep in on the farm, thus beginning what would be a painstakingly long day. You ate a quick breakfast of microwaved oatmeal, you figured if you had to face him, it would be better to get it over with, kindly declining your mother's invitation for a home-cooked breakfast. You made your way back upstairs and threw on your uniform of a tank top, hat, and jean shorts before slowly walking towards the barn to begin your tasks for the day. Surprisingly Jean wasn’t in the barn when you arrived and instead were two new farmhands your dad recently hired from town. Teenage boys, looking for a little extra money on the side. This happened occasionally when the farm was under a little more stress than usual. You just tipped your hat to them and went on with your work as they did theirs. 

You were lugging bales of hay into a pile in the corner when you finally heard him arrive. The sound of his old pickup truck sputtering to a stop could be spotted from a million miles away. He stepped out and into the barn and surprisingly, he barely spoke to you all day. No sarcastic comments, no flirting, just a “Scuse me” every now and then when he’d accidentally bump into you.

It was nearing the end of the day which had gone at a surprisingly fast rate without being taunted by Jean. You were wrapping up your chores and started to say your goodbyes to the farm hands when he walked up to you. “Hey princess wanna come back and have a drink with me on my porch, we gotta lotta catching up to do. Wanna talk to you before you run off again.” He said in a more sincere, but slightly arrogant manner, a tone of mystery to his voice. You decided you’d have to talk to him at some point and after last night you’d have to get over your stupid little schoolgirl crush on him. You figured actually having a conversation would be good exposure therapy to get a head start on getting over him. 

So you followed in his large footsteps back to his rusty old truck he’s used to pick up countless girls and sat down in the front. He pulled out of the driveway of the stables and it was a quick 3-minute drive back to his house. The drive was quiet and the expression on Jean’s face was one you hadn’t seen in all your years of knowing him. It looked like there was a marble rolling around in his head. What was he thinking about? God, what you would do to find out. He stepped out of his old truck and swung open your door for you, what seemed like a sincerely nice action, very out of character for the Jean Kirstein you knew. You quietly followed him up the wooden stairs to a set of old dilapidated rocking chairs on his front porch. He motioned for you to take a seat, and he sat in the chair next to you. You both sat in silence as if he was waiting for you to say something. You braced yourself for whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

As you sat he flung open the screen door to his house and returned a minute later with a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. He poured two drinks and handed you one. He held his glass up and said, "Cheers." You clinked glasses and sipped your drink, still anxious about not knowing what was on his mind. He leaned back, drink in one hand and the other behind his head as he rocked back in his chair. Suddenly the realization of what was happening hit you, what do you even say to him Do you know I’ve liked you for 5 years? Why were you banging that trashy blonde girl last night? Did you see me touching myself for you? Your thoughts wandered everywhere except acceptable conversation topics. You opened your mouth to try to say something, but nothing came out. You simply stared at him, unable to process the situation and all the emotions running through you, eyes focused on his piercing amber gaze.

"Missed having you 'round here princess," he said nonchalantly as he rocked back in his chair, seemingly lightening the mood. He felt the tension too and wanted to make you more comfortable. You swallowed the lump in your throat and found your voice again. You managed a small smile and replied, "Missed being here I guess." You shrugged and looked up at the ceiling before swallowing a large sip of the whiskey, hoping it would give you a little liquid courage. "Big city girl now huh? Not used to being back on the farm." He chuckled and you could feel the tension dissipate slightly, yet still uncomfortable. The question had been stirring in your brain all day. Had he seen you? Is that what he wanted to talk about? He handed you the bottle and you both sat in a brief silence, watching the fire flicker in the lanterns lighting up the doorway. "I'm still me Jean, just been gone a while that's all…” you trailed off awkwardly “Still know my way around the farm." He smiled and you felt an overwhelming sense of relief wash over you. You smiled back, grateful for the reminder that you were still the same person underneath it all. "Seems like you forgot your manners, sweetheart." He chuckled as he stretched his arms over his head, revealing the little trail of hair hiding just above the hem of his jeans as you tried not to stare for too long. 

Taken aback, you tried to understand what he meant had you said something? “Well I don’t think I’m the one who’s been rude lately Jean, you barely looked at me all day. Might’ve said all of three words.” You said with furrowed brows, your voice trailed off sounding a little angrier than intended, accidentally letting your frustration out. “Oh yeah? And why do you think that is princess?” he said a small smirk forming on his face as he sipped his whiskey. “I dunno” you whispered under your breath as you looked down at the floor to avoid his intense glare, feeling your heart speed up. “Didn’t your daddy ever tell you it’s rude to look in people’s windows” and with that your heart stopped, your hands grew clammy and you couldn’t swallow the lump in your throat. 

He knew. Fuck. Of course, he knew. That’s what this is all about. “Jean I-” you started to say before he cut you off. “Don’t apologize, princess, you think I haven't seen you staring at me, hm? Watching me workin’ out in the sun probably getting all nice and wet for me.” “I’ve been watching you too sweetheart, walking around in those tight little shorts basically beggin’ me to fuck you right there.” He said nonchalantly as if he was just asking how your day was, sipping his drink.

Were you dreaming or did Jean Kirstein, your father's favorite employee, just say he wants to fuck you. You didn’t know how to respond so you simply stuttered out what came to your mind first “B-but that girl th- the blonde one-” you said shakily, not having looked up at Jean once since the conversation took this turn.

He stood up from his creaky chair until all you could see were his muddy boots next to yours. He grabbed your face gently with his tough, calloused fingers to make you look up at him “Wanted to put on a good show for ya. ‘Was thinking about your pretty little body under me the whole time. You know how cruel you are wearing those tiny ass tank tops, showing your tits off to all the farmhands? Know how many times I’ve thought about you wiggling under me, hm? I don't give a fuck about any girl I bring back, how could I when I'm thinking of you the whole time?"

With that, as you were about to respond Jean yanked you up to stand beneath him, smoothly catching your lips in a sloppy wet kiss. The taste of whiskey on his tongue made it all the more intoxicating, the way his hands roamed your body. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss as his tongue explored your mouth, teeth lightly grabbing your bottom lip between them. 

Without saying anything Jean lead you into his house straight to his bedroom and sat you down on his creaky bed, towering over you. He removed your clothing painstakingly slowly as his lips ghosted your neck before taking in the view below him “Even more fuckin’ sexy than I imagined” You could see him growing hard against his jeans as you tugged at his waistband “N-need you Jean, need you so bad” was all you managed to whine out. As he removed his dirty work clothes before you your eyes wandered over his toned muscles, your mind roaming a million different places from his fingers inside you to his huge cock. 

You reached for his thick cock, pretty pink tip absolutely dripping with precum but he tsked “Uh uh baby, I’m here for you, alright? Now why don't you show me how you play with yourself for me, hm?” He whispered in your ear, chill bumps racing down your spine as a vibrant red blush crossed your face. The thought of touching yourself for Jean made you both extremely embarrassed and extremely turned on 

“C’mon princess you weren’t too shy last night now were you?” He said as his teeth lightly scraped the sweet spot on your neck making you let out a soft moan. You simply shook your head and leaned back against his pillows. You took your bottom lip in between your teeth and slowly lowered your dainty fingers down to your core, you could feel your pussy already dripping down your soft inner thighs as Jean’s gaze stayed locked on you. You began rubbing slow circles on your needy clit as you looked up at him “This what you do when you make yourself cum for me?” Jean asked, his signature cocky tone returning. You nodded and started to dip one of your small fingers into your aching pussy softly whining out “Jean..” “Yeah what do you think about baby, hm?” he said inquisitively, watching every movement of your hand on your messy pussy, making him harder than he thought possible. “Think about y-your hands and how they’d feel, s-so big and strong-” you whimpered out as you added a second finger to your sopping cunt. “Yeah just my fingers, princess?” He asked cockily, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear you say it. “N-no, think about your cock too a-and your mouth…” you trailed off, voice getting quieter as you felt a familiar knot begin to build in your stomach. 

“Mhm and what about my mouth?” The thought of you getting yourself off to him turned Jean on so much and he needed more, needed to know exactly what you thought about. “Y-your tongue, all over my pussy a-and sucking on my clit-” you were cut off as your orgasm ripped through you, overcoming you like waves crashing on a beach, eyes squinted shut. you were accustomed to making yourself cum fast due to your very little free time. 

Jean saw you unravel beneath him, mouth slightly agape as your juices pooled around your small fingers. As you pulled them out Jean replaced them with his rough thumb, rubbing lazy circles on your over-sensitive clit. You wined out and dug your fingers into his muscular back as he touched you “If you can’t take this baby, how are you gonna take my cock?” He chuckled as he squeezed one of his long slender fingers into your tight cunt. “So fucking wet for me…” he said pulling his fingers out and spreading them in front of you to showcase your wetness before sliding them into your mouth “Be a good girl and taste yourself for me m’kay?” He said eyes filled with lust as you sucked his long fingers deeper into your mouth, swirling your tongue around them as you tasted the tangy stickiness of your cum. 

“Such a good fuckin’ slut for me aren’t you?” He said as he removed his fingers, shoving them back into your pussy harshly making you gasp “Probably thought about this a million times huh, me having my fucking way with you. ‘M gonna fuck you like the slut you are, always teasin’ me when I’m at work” your pussy clenched at his words and he chuckled “yeah you like that don’t you? Like me calling you a fuckin’ slut” You nodded as he removed his fingers and moved your hands to your knees “Hold these pretty legs open for me while I eat this pussy okay baby?” He said in a commanding tone before using his ring and middle fingers to spread your pussy open for him “So fuckin pink and wet for me god, this is the prettiest fuckin pussy I’ve ever seen” he said before lowering his mouth onto your swollen clit, tongue doing figure eights all over your dripping pussy. You could feel his scruff against your skin as his hair tickled your soft thighs “Taste so sweet for me baby, said you want me to suck on your clit right?” He asked making direct eye contact with you as you nodded, he removed his mouth from your desperate pussy before saying “Good girls use their words, sweetheart" with a deviant smile “Y-yes Jean I w-want your tongue on my clit” you said, embarrassed at how he had you sprawled out in front of him, already willing to do whatever he wanted. “That’s a good girl” he smiled before attaching his mouth back on your sensitive pussy, sucking and lapping at you like he was never going to eat again. It felt so good you couldn’t control yourself as his skilled tongue ran over you, tears forming in your eyes, knees shaking as his name rolled off your tongue like a mantra.

Before you knew it you were cumming all over his face “Yeah there you go princess, give me all of it, want all of your fuckin’ cum” he said as his tongue continued to assault your swollen clit, riding out your orgasm until he was completely satisfied. You looked so fucked out beneath him and he hadn’t even given you his cock yet, but you needed it, you craved it. Needed the way you knew it would stretch out your tight walls. “Turn over for me baby,” he said placing a soft kiss on your cheek, wiping away a stray tear that has fallen on your flushed face as a result of your earth-shattering orgasm. You turned your body over onto your elbows, chest flat against the bed and round ass in the air as you heard Jean stroke his cock a few times. “Been thinking about fuckin’ this tight little pussy for so long baby” he said as he caressed the soft skin of your ass before pressing a harsh slap into the skin, seeing it turn red for him. “You want my cock, huh?” he asked cockily as he spanked you again. “P-please Jean I need your cock” you managed to whine out “I can tell baby, your pussy is just fucking dripping down your thighs onto my sheets, making such a fucking mess.” He chuckled as you moaned at his words, dragging his aching pink tip up and down your wet slit just to tease you. "P-please Jean, I need it-" you begged before he slapped his fat tip against your clit making you whimper. "You need it huh? Beg me, baby, beg for my cock." He smirked as you bucked your hips backward hoping to feel him enter you "Please Jean, please, fuck I need your cock so bad, wanna feel it stretch me out, please please please." You whined pathetically under him before he harshly thrust his painfully hard thick cock into your aching pussy, molding you around him. You screamed as he bottomed out in you immediately, making you take every inch “C’mon baby, weren't you just beggin' for this? Take it like the good little slut you are.” he said as his hips picked up their rhythm, snapping his long cock into your tight cunt, tight balls hitting your clit with every thrust making you go absolutely brain dead for him. You loved the way he stretched you out, his thick cock bullying his way into your tight pussy had you screaming for him so loud you were sure the neighbors could hear.

“So. Fucking. Tight.” He said punctuating each word with a thrust rougher than the last “Wish you could see this tight pussy creaming all over my cock” he said, eyes focused on the white ring forming at his base from both your cum and his. “Fuck, not gonna last long with you squeezing me like this princess,” he said, spanking your ass, making you moan into his sheets. “J-jean ‘m gonna..” “I know baby, I can feel that tight pussy squeezing ‘round me” he replied squeezing his eyes shut from the pleasure, going faster as his thrusts got sloppier. You came quickly at his increased speed, releasing your juices all over his cock. This turned him on more than he thought was possible 

“Fuck ‘m gonna stuff you with my cum okay? Gonne cum deep inside this pretty pussy” You didn’t reply as you were completely fucked out, soon he released deep inside you, balls tightening as he pumped every last drop of his hot sticky cum inside you. You could feel his warm seed paint the inside of your walls white so deep inside you. He fucked his cum deep inside you, riding out his orgasm before pulling out to watch it drip down your thighs. “So pretty for me,” he said turning you back over onto your back before placing a soft, romantic kiss on your lips. “You gotta stop wearing those little shorts ‘round here okay? Makes me fuckin’ sick seeing the other guys stare at you like that.” “Oh you jealous?” you giggled, feeling a happy warm feeling at the thought of Jean being possessive “Damn right I’m jealous. From now on I’m the only one that gets to see that ass okay?” He said as he pulled you closer onto his warm chest, wrapping his strong arm around you. You could smell the strong scent of his masculine cologne and closed your eyes next to him “Mhm” you nodded as you started to drift off to sleep. Jean didn’t usually let his hookups sleepover, he knew you would be more than that. 

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒´ˎ˗

👻 — hello and welcome to my first kinktober! the following fics are for 18+ users which means MDNI. However, just because it is for 18+ doesn't mean it is for everyone, so please abide by the old time saying 'don't like, don't read'; read the warnings and if you're uncomfortable with anything, scroll past, you're only hurting yourself if you continue, especially when I have already warned you. Remember, depiction doesn’t always mean endorsement. With that, I hope you enjoy.

p.s. obviously links will be posted when the event actually happens.

🎃 October 1st

dub con | corrupt cop!Leon Kennedy x afab!reader

🎃 October 2nd

daddy kink | Kento Nanami x bratty!afab!reader

🎃 October 3rd

mommy kink and lactation | Choso Kamo x afab!reader

🎃 October 4th

kidnapping and gun play | Floch Forster x afab!reader

🎃 October 5th

breeding kink | Levi Ackerman x afab!reader

🎃 October 6th

threesome | Satoru Gojo x Suguru Geto x afab!reader

🎃 October 7th

food play | father in law!Leon Kennedy x daughter in law!afab!reader

🎃 October 8th

titty fucking | Jean Kirstein x afab!reader

🎃 October 9th

car sex | Reiner Braun x afab!reader

🎃 October 10th

chastity cage | Armin Arlert x afab!reader

🎃 October 11th

face sitting | Leon Kennedy x afab!reader

🎃 October 12th

virginity kink and chasing | fox hybrid!Floch Forster x bunny hybrid!afab!reader

🎃 October 13th

non-con and somno | stalker!Choso Kamo x afab!reader

🎃 October 14th

spanking and dacryphilia | Toji Fushiguro x afab!reader

🎃 October 15th

mirror sex | Eren Jaeger x afab!reader

🎃 October 16th

edging and orgasm denial | Suguru Geto x afab!reader

🎃 October 17th

temperature play (hot wax) | Leon Kennedy x afab!reader

🎃 October 18th

power play | older!superior!Leon Kennedy x younger!subordinate!afab!reader (office au)

🎃 October 19th

filming porn | Leon Kennedy x afab!reader

🎃 October 20th

dads best friend | Joel Miller x afab!reader

🎃 October 21st

mutual masturbation and watching porn | Choso Kamo x afab!reader

🎃 October 22nd

professor and student | professor!Satoru Gojo x student!afab!reader

🎃 October 23rd

Corruption | priest!Kento Nanami x nun!reader

🎃 October 24th

monster fucking | las plagas!Leon Kennedy x afab!reader

🎃 October 25th

size kink | Reiner Braun x afab!reader

🎃 October 26th

prostitution | Toji Fushiguro x afab!reader

🎃 October 27th

free use and double penetration | Ryomen Sukuna x afab!reader

🎃 October 28th

cock warming | Levi Ackerman x afab!reader

🎃 October 29th

Shower sex | Eren Jaeger x afab!reader

🎃 October 30th

thigh riding | Jack Krauser x afab!reader

🎃 October 31st

oral under the desk/public sex | Jean Kirstein x afab!reader (office au)

[plutoccult]

LET THE LIGHT IN

pairing: jean kirstein x female reader

description: the aftermath of the moment you and jean shared the night before had proven to be more awkward than you wanted it to be, but now you were determined to say how you feel this time around. if only jean would stop avoiding you like the plague, then it would be a whole lot easier for you.

word count: 3.6k

read part one here

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: i genuinely didn’t expect to get any notes when i posted three little words, and i honestly never thought of writing a continuation of it, so thank you to @spicytvna for suggesting it! you really got my brain cooking, and i’m very grateful! thank you for everyone you liked and reblogged it as well! it’s very much appreciated! i honestly struggled with the title as i didn’t want to use the same title just with “part two” on it, and since music is what flows my creativity, i decided to go with a song that i felt represented jean and the reader. shoutout to lana del rey for having a chokehold on me since middle school. you really are that bitch fr. sorry this took quite a bit to get to you guys, but i really wanted to make sure i was giving you all something great. enjoy!!!

neither you or jean could sleep after what happened that night. you were too in your head to finish writing to your father while jean was too embarrassed to say a word to connie about what happened. you were in the same boat the next morning when sasha tried asking if something happened between you two, but your erratic behavior scared her off, so she ran back to connie with no intel to report.

you couldn’t help but mentally beat yourself up over and over about the whole thing. why did you have to freeze up? why couldn’t you just… say how you feel? you knew you loved him, and you finally knew he loved you, but why couldn’t you help but be scared? you were always the kind of person who never wanted to say how you feel first, but when the chance came to where you could say it without rejection, you chicken out.

it replayed in your head on a loop. you got all worked up just by the very thought then would always curse yourself afterwards. you had to do something about it. you had to talk to jean. he had to know you felt the same way as he felt for you. there isn’t anything to be scared of anymore, or so you thought.

every time you saw jean, he always just so happened to be going in the opposite direction as you. whenever you tried to call out for him, he acted like he couldn’t hear you. it was easy to figure out he was ignoring you, and he was doing—in your opinion—quite an awful job at it.

it seemed as if he was just going to easily write off what happened and never speak to you again, but why? you wanted to ask why he can’t give you a chance to speak, but you had your chance the night he spilled his guts. you just weren’t able to spill yours. still, you were on a mission to talk to him someway, somehow. you would do whatever it takes.

as the days passed, you figured you had to find jean in a place where he couldn’t run. you hoped you could get some help from connie as sasha told you how connie (allegedly) said that he would love to finally make the pairing of you and jean happen and work something out. so, you prayed that sasha wasn’t lying to you and found the courage to knock on the door of jean and connie’s room, assuming jean would be somewhere else, continuing to avoid you.

like you expected, connie opened the door. he knew you would come to him, but he wasn’t expecting it not long after sasha relayed his message hardly an hour ago. “y/n!”

“hi. i hope i’m not intruding or anything.” you say politely. you’re almost tempted to peer your head to see if jean is hiding in the room somewhere, but you don’t want to ruin this.

“nah, i was just bumming.” connie assured you, which brought you some relief. “you’re here for jean, aren’t you?”

“isn’t it obvious?” you force a laugh. it was hard to act like you were okay with what happened when you nowhere near weren’t. you were sure jean probably brought your name to shame when he returned to his room that night, but things weren’t always what they seemed.

“um, hello? sash and i been waiting for one of you to stop being a wuss and confess for ages. we essentially knew jean would be the one to do it first, we just didn’t think… uh…” he struggled with his words towards the end. you know exactly what connie was going to say, so you said the words for him and let him off easy.

“that i wouldn’t be able to say it back?”

“yup, basically. but that’s okay, y/n. feelings are scary, i get that.” connie said. “that’s why i’m here to help you properly declare your feelings for jean, and i have the best way to do it.”

“you do?” you raised an eyebrow, feeling unsure about what his idea of the “best” is.

“yeah, i’m feeling like picking a bunch of flowers, maybe an impromptu musical number in front of everyone—” connie began to list what you thought were a bunch of terrible, terrible ideas. this is not what you expected when sasha said connie would help you. it was horrendous, and you had to put a stop to it.

“um, connie, i’m not sure that’s a good idea—” your words were interrupted by a familiar voice, one you could recognize without hesitation. you turn around quickly, it’s exactly who you hoped and prayed to see for days now. finally. “jean!”

jean froze in his tracks as you and connie fall silent and share a look. he’s at a loss for words, unsure how to get himself out of this situation, except for one idea; run.

you didn’t even have a second to think as connie did what you would’ve done for you aka run after him. you couldn’t even believe what was happening right now. all you wanted was a way to fix things with jean, and while he finally entered your presence once more, he bolted as quickly as he arrived. at least the sight of connie apprehending jean and snatching his room key was somewhat entertaining to watch.

“you’re coming with me, buddy!” connie yelled as he had his hold on jean, practically threatening to yank out his arm socket as he dragged him across the floor.

“no!” jean whined, fighting for his life. it was such a childish thing, you thought, hearing him act like this. they argued back and forth like bickering siblings until connie finally got jean back to their room door, and all you could do was stand and watch.

“why not?!”

“b-because!”

“that’s not a reason!”

“because i don’t want to!”

your eyes met connie’s as he threw jean into their room. he was one to be chaotic, but this seemed like a whole new level for you. “hey, y/n, remember that idea i had? well, i have an even better one.”

“what is it?” you ask nervously before connie pushed you into the room with jean, tripping backwards over jean’s leg and falling straight to your ass quicker than you could blink.

“neither of you are leaving until you talk your feelings out. later!” connie said then slammed the door in both of your faces, leaving the two of you speechless.

you quickly get to your feet and reach for the doorknob, realizing it won’t budge on bit. connie locked the door and was the only one with the key. that sneaky son of a bitch locked you two in a room without any escape. well, unless you wanted to jump out a window.

“oh… my… god…” you say to yourself, hoping for jean to say something to you, maybe propose a way on how to get out of here, but he didn’t say a word, he didn’t even dare to look you in the eye, and you couldn’t stand it.

“aren’t you going to say something?” your question comes out desperate. “this is torture, jean!”

“ha, you’re one to talk!” jean scoffed, taking you by surprise. you couldn’t help but wonder what changed his mind so drastically between a few nights ago and now. you know what you didn’t wasn’t the best, but you were trying to make it right, and he wasn’t giving you a chance whatsoever. it was, like you said, torture. perhaps the greatest torture of all, in fact.

“really? this is how you’re going to act?” you ask in disbelief.

“yes, y/n, it is because i’m so embarrassed that even just being in the same room as you makes me wanna rip my heart out.” he said harshly.

you’re left speechless by his words. you wanted to say he didn’t mean it, but you know he did. you embarrassed him. you toyed with his poor heart without meaning to. yes, you did love him, but it almost felt like you were being crucified just for being scared to say it out loud, and you refused to be crucified any longer. whether jean still had feelings for you or not, you couldn’t stand to live like this.

as you failed to respond, you snapped back to reality as you realize jean is trying to force the bedroom window open. you noticed the window earlier, but you seriously didn’t think he would jump to such extreme measures as you didn’t consider it for yourself. from this level, it wouldn’t be easy climbing out either.

“what the hell are you doing?” you question him.

“getting out of here.” jean replied coldly as he focused on opening the window, which he did successfully after a bit of brute force. you really couldn’t believe this.

“you’re gonna climb out a fucking window just to get away from me?” you ask with sadness in your voice. “where’s the jean kirstein that i loved so much?”

jean froze. loved? you knew what you meant when you said it, but jean’s mind raced a mile a minute as he tried figuring out what way you meant those words. it was something he never thought he’d hear, but it only made him wish he wasn’t an impatient little asshole who gave you no chance to say what you wanted to when you were ready for it.

he slowly turned around to meet your gaze, noticing your eyes beginning to well with tears. god, he felt so awful now. “what?”

“you wanna get out of here? i’ll get you out of here. i’m in love with you. i love you. i was too afraid to say it that night, but i’m not afraid to say it now.” you say without faltering, even if this was nowhere near how you wanted this to go. “clearly i messed it all up and you would rather die than breathe in my direction, so there. we said how we felt, now you can get what you want.”

getting out here wasn’t what he wanted. it was those goddamn three little words he craved more than he ever wished for freedom and luxury. that was what he wanted. he knew it all came out so angrily from your lips, but that part didn’t matter to him right now. you loved him. you loved jean kirstein. that alone could mend any bone that dared to break or wash away any bad thought in his brain. you weren’t the one that messed this up, it was him. it was time jean tried to make it right, but he was too late. timing had a thing for never being on either of your sides.

before jean could speak and make this all better, you knock on the door for connie’s attention. “connie? you can let us out now. all feelings have been made very, very clear.”

connie, who could hear everything from the other side of the door, did as you wished and set you free. you look at jean one last time before walking out, the look of teardrops streaming down your face bound to haunt him. he immediately stood up and went after you, grabbing you by the shoulder to stop you. you turn around and face him, wiping away your tears in an attempt to appear strong.

“y/n, i’m sorry.” jean said quickly. there was so much more he could say, but that seemed like the best start, if you gave him the chance to speak, although he knew he didn’t deserve it.

“no, it’s okay.” you insist. “we’re even now, i suppose.”

jean didn’t want to get “even”, but he felt like he had no choice but to watch you walk away. you didn’t mean to hurt each other like this, but you both made it seem so easy. even if the execution came out so simple, the effects were like needles prodding your hearts. you had to find a way to heal your broken hearts somehow.

when you walked back to your room, you found sasha on her way out, assuming she was going to sneak herself some a secret snack before dinnertime. she was shocked to find you coming back like this, and without either of you needing to say a word, she wrapped her arms around you and held you tightly. you melted into her embrace, letting out all the cries you held back from before.

“come on, you should lay down.” sasha said softly. “all that crying is gonna tire you out.”

“okay.” you sniffle. “thank you.”

•••

sasha always knew you so well. it was the best part of being roommates. you fell asleep not long after going into your shared room, and she left you be as she assumed you really needed it. come dinnertime, sasha gently nudged you awake as food was always important in her eyes.

“y/n, hey.” she whispered. “it’s time for dinner. you coming?”

you groan as you open and rub your eyes. dinnertime? you’d rather have loneliness as an appetizer and shame as the main course. you couldn’t face jean so soon. besides, you knew jean always sat with connie and sasha, so where would that leave you? you were better off alone right now. “no, i’d rather not.”

“are you sure? i think some food could heal those wounds.” sasha said, trying her best to convince you to come to the mess hall. you could sense some ulterior motives, one involving a certain horse-faced soldier, so you brushed her off and insisted on not tagging along.

“i just want some time alone, sasha.” you say, pulling your blanket closer to you.

sasha decided to let you off the hook, not wanting to press you too much, but she couldn’t help but worry about you a little. “okay. maybe get some fresh air, alright? for my sake?”

“yeah, okay, i will.” you agree, thinking you won’t really do so, but the thought makes you think it could be a good idea after all.

“good. now… food awaits me.” sasha said before swiftly existing the room, assuming she would run to dinner like her life depended on it. like any other day, her life quite literally did depend on it. for you, however, some alone time was what you needed, but maybe some fresh air will do you some good.

forcing yourself out of bed, you leave the room so you could head to your usual spot, one you’ve shared with friends before in the past, but for tonight, it was meant to be all yours. you always enjoyed sitting on a set of steps on nights like these, with the stars twinkling and moon shining as if it were just for you. the night breeze made you feel safe, like a sign that everything would be okay with time, but when?

unbeknownst to you, when sasha entered the mess hall, jean had expected you to walk in with her. he and connie asked where you were, and sasha—almost acting like your own personal cupid—informed the two about your whereabouts. jean knew this was his opportunity to turn this all around, or at the very least make it known how terrible he felt about the way he acted. but he couldn’t just do it with words, he had to show it too, and jean knew exactly where you could be right now.

funnily enough, the second you were getting ready to go back to your room and lay down for the rest of the night, you found jean standing many feet behind you with a tray of food in one hand and some flowers in the other. you froze in your tracks, shocked to see him here, but also unsure what was going to happen.

“i know sasha said you wanted to be alone, but i, um… thought you’d still be hungry.” he said shyly, a stark contrast compared to earlier.

“and the flowers?” you asked.

“i picked them myself. they’re, uh, apology flowers.” jean replied, handing the flowers to you, which you hesitantly accepted. they were your favorite, of course he knew which ones to pick out. “can i sit? please?”

“um, yeah, sure. i’ll take that food off your hands too.” you say. it was impossible to say no to food, but if jean was going to improve his past behavior, then it’s best you take this chance and hear him out.

you sit back down at the steps and jean followed. he handed you the tray of food, consisting of a potato and some bread, which was all he managed to sneak out successfully. you set the tray down next to you and picked apart at the bread, using it as an excuse to not speak just yet. you’d let him do the talking first.

“i really am sorry, y/n.” he started off with. “i was such an asshole to you. i should’ve been more patient and understanding.”

you quit eating your food and looked at him with a puzzled look on your face. “what? no, i should’ve been honest with you about how i felt. i hurt your feelings, jean.”

“and i hurt yours. like you said earlier, we’re even, right?” jean questioned with a shrug.

“i didn’t want to get even.” you frowned. “i would’ve done it all differently. i wouldn’t have made such a confession so angrily like that.”

and why shouldn’t you? shouldn’t you be able to do what you had planned before it all turned disastrous? jean was more than willing to let you. earlier wasn’t enough. he wanted to hear more on your feelings. yelling in his face how you’re in love with him like it pissed you off wasn’t what he initially wanted. he wanted to hear you say it with that soft voice only so few people hear. just for him and him alone.

“why not have a redo?” he proposed, which you thought was downright crazy. “say how you feel, y/n. in the way you wanted to say it.”

your cheeks were burning red. it seemed like such a good idea in your head until jean actually encouraged it. you were so complicated like that; preferring the thought rather than the actual thing. you had to get better with that, but you didn’t seem ready for that just yet. “wow, this bread really hits different today—”

“y/n.” jean cut you off.

“hey, what happened to being more patient and understanding?” you pouted.

“and what happened to being honest about how you feel?” he was right. why did he have to be right? you hated that so much, but you knew you shouldn’t.

“it’s just…” you sigh. “it feels safer staying a thought in my head rather than spoken out loud.”

even saying that out loud made you uncomfortable. you tried to shy away from jean, but he wouldn’t let you. you couldn’t let yourself shy away either.

“it’s okay, it’s just me. you know how i feel.” he tried to assure you, but you couldn’t help but feel a little unsure. it was that small part in the back of your head that wondered what if his feelings had changed within a matter of days. it was silly, but your mind loved to mess with you in such heinous ways.

“do i?”

“i love you, y/n. that hasn’t changed.” that was exactly what you needed to hear. you couldn’t be afraid of the rejection when he laid his heart out on the line for you once more. it was time you took this head first without fear. no hesitating, no freezing up, no stumbling with your words, none of it. you’re doing this.

“jean, i love you so much it scares the shit out of me.” you say with tears in your eyes. “you’re my best friend, ya know? i can’t lose you. i don’t want either of us to run away. it would kill me.”

jean began to feel himself starting to cry too. this was all he wanted in the greatest way possible, just you saying you loved him with true, genuine meaning. it was what he wished for in the first place, but it was well worth the wait. “i won’t run away. not from this, not from you.”

“i won’t either.” you reply.

“good.” he smiled softly. a gentle stroke of your hair by jean made you want to fold over instantly. he used his thumb to wipe away your tears, which made your heart want to melt.

“is this the part where you kiss me now?” you ask breathlessly.

“do you want me to?” jean asked, waiting for you to say yes.

“yes.” you hurriedly nod.

“that’s all you had to say.” he said before gently placing a kiss on your lips. you liked that he treated you so carefully, like a porcelain doll. you wrap your arms around him as the kiss made your head feel hazy. you both felt comfortable with the feeling.

when you parted away, jean found himself lost in your glowing eyes. your smile made his heart skip a beat and he couldn’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside. he’d be far more than willing to burn if it meant always staying close to you.

“so, how’s that bread—” he said to break the silence. a bad way to do it, you thought as you immediately laughed and shyly buried your head in his shoulder. he pulled himself away and lifted your chin so you’d face him, kissing you once more.

you and jean spent the rest of that night side by side, at some point finding yourselves laid out on the grass as you watched the stars, hoping to find constellations from the ground. you held each other close without wanting to let go, and neither of you intended to. now that those three little words were said, you wouldn’t dare shy away from the light.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[cagesofgold]

plant dad

leaves that are green - simon and garfunkel 🎧

when you were concerned about your boyfriend's loneliness levels whilst put on a placement for your job out of town, you had no idea your efforts would have this effect.

He had become completely and irrevocably consumed. There were woven baskets with dahlias suspended from the doorways, money trees with thick healthy stems sprouting from rusted pots, and the shadow of a bird of paradise's leaves shrouding the bathroom in a peaceful level of dusk.

Jean had never expressed an interest in nature before. He had a few compositions he'd done for class featuring a clan of withering roses, yet even then he found it less interesting than drawing a card board box.

So, when you came home with a small fairy castle cactus, Jean didn't bat an eyelid, he simply commented on the warm yellow of the flowers standing proudly against the towers of green, and then continued stirring the pot of bubbling pasta.

This is what you had expected of course, but in truth, you knew Jean didn't cope well with being alone, having had the comfort of his mother's gentle humming his entire childhood, and Connie's less comforting humming before he moved in with you.

Although only for three weeks, this would be the longest amount of time you had spent away from Jean, and the longest amount of time he had been by himself. Of course you knew he'd be fine, perhaps just a little bit more clingy after your return, yet still you wanted to leave him a little company when things grew quiet. Of course since your apartment didn't allow pets, you had to settle for a less disruptive method of discreet company.

So you left the cactus, its plain white pot adjacent to the silver tap in the kitchen, with a little sheet of instructions of when to water it.

While away, you texted Jean a handful of times to ensure he was watering it, to which he replied with rather mundane responses like, "Yep." or, "Did it before class."

These responses didn't fill you with confidence, so instead you automatically assumed that your plan had failed, as any individual would.

Except the next day, whilst you sat with your shoulders hunched and body sandwiched between two business men on the subway, you recieved a picture, lighting up your face and making the austere man beside you squint.

It was a picture of the cactus, appearing even more healthy than when you first purchased it from the local market, yet it was the larger figure looming next to it that caught your eye. It was a small moon cactus, stretching upwards with a slight limp, a blood red flower enabling it to appear slightly top heavy. This cactus resided in a black pot, a deep contrast to its lighter counterpart.

"Got her a friend, think they're getting along well. :)"

A smile instantly painted itself onto your face, surprise filling every crevice within you as you typed back,

"Looks like they are :)"

A few days came and went and by now you'd spent about a week and a half at your internship, with only half to go. As you sat at your desk, leafing through a booklet of fabrics for an upcoming collection, your phone buzzed against the desk. Your lock-screen of a picture of Jean filled your view, his tan back facing the camera as he gently pulled his paintbrush across the canvas, a rainbow of paint stains littering his thick forearms. Below this sat a notification, with an attachment from Jean.

You opened the file curiously, waiting a few hesitant moments for it to load, a small circle spiraling around itself before it opened into a web page.

In pink bold letters at the top it read,

MOON AND PRINCESS'S WEDDING

the ecstatic couple would simply be over the, moon, if you could attend the day of which they profess their undying love for each other. Please contact the father of the bride, Jean Kirstein, if you are able to attend.

As you read over the file in confusion, a second text message from Jean came through, bearing a photo of the two cactus standing side by side. The princess castle's previously blank white pot had been transformed into a glittering wedding gown, with a tissue over her head as a makeshift veil, making you giggle. The moon cactus' black pot had become a luxorious tux, with a yellow bow tie to match princess' yellow flowers.

You erupted into laughter, your fingers tapping against the keyboard as you said,

"Tell moon and princess i can't wait."

Over the next week and a half you received copious photos of the new additions to the house, and photographic evidence of Jean's newfound watering can collection that was growing at a concerningly rapid rate.

Part of you was pleased that your plan ended in success, yet you somewhat feared the house you may return to, not fully prepared to weave your way through the newly established jungle.

Yet as you stood in the center of the apartment, surrounded by the loamy smell of soil and the fresh aroma of newly budding flowers, you couldn't help but feel a sense of joy at the tranquil breath of life around you, a rainbow of watering cans of differing sizes running along the top of the kitchen cabinets, with spiky ivy nestled into the chipping windowsills.

"Too much?" Jean asked hesitantly, his arms wrapping around your waist from behind slowly, the hands of which he had tenderly loved the nature around him the past three weeks touching you just as gently.

"It's beautiful, Jean." You smiled.

As you and jean lay in bed that night, tangled up in each other having just ate about as many chicken wings as it would take to feed an army, you felt an immense amount of peace within the fresh air and Jean's loving disposition.

And when Jean suddenly shot up in the middle of the night, the sheets bundling around his carved abdomen, his words didn't surprise you in the slightest, rushing out of the room as he yelled,

"Sorry, babe, i forgot to water the orchids!"

[lemmetreatya]

💜 MASTERLIST 💜

💙 - Request

❤️‍🔥 - Contains Smut/Mature

💞 PAST EVENTS 💞

Val’s “Got Dat Love Inem” Valentine’s Event

JJK

job!character masterlist ❤️‍🔥

teasing during sex (gojo, geto, sukuna, toji, nanami) ❤️‍🔥

Gojo Satoru

Party Pooper (Gojo x fem reader)

Office Shambolics (Gojo x Geto x fem reader)

Expensive Gifts (Gojo x fem reader) 💙

JJK Men Turn Ons and Offs 💙

Geto Suguru

Office Shambolics (Gojo x Geto x fem reader)

JJK Men Turn Ons and Offs 💙

Toji Fushiguro

home and away (coworker!toji x fem!reader) ❤️‍🔥

JJK Men Turn Ons and Offs 💙

Nanami Kento

JJK Men Turn Ons and Offs 💙

AOT

job!character masterlist ❤️‍🔥

Eren Jaeger

Gentleman’s Kryptonite (Eren x fem reader)❤️‍🔥

Eren’s Insta spam (Eren x black!fem reader)

pt. 1

pt. 2

pt. 3 💙

Deliveryman!eren x reader

In Memory of Me (Eren x fem!reader) 💙❤️‍🔥

Headcanons:

Using your products 💙

Reiner Braun

Play Housewife for A Bit (Old money!Reiner x fem reader)

PURE/HONEY (Reiner x fem reader) ❤️‍🔥

The Guy at The Till (Reiner x fem reader)

Part 1 ❤️‍🔥

Part 2 ❤️‍🔥

Band drummer!Reiner x fem reader

Reiner’s Insta spam (Reiner x black!fem reader)

Husband!Reiner x fem black!reader

The Landlord’s Son (Christmas special: Tumblr Exclusive) ❤️‍🔥

Home for New Years — Husband!Reiner x fem!reader ❤️‍🔥

KU LO SA — Reiner x reader

It’s Everyone’s Game — Southern!Reiner x Fem!reader 💙

farmer!Reiner x fem!reader 💙❤️‍🔥

Headcanons:

Waking up next to him

Dom!reiner in bed ❤️‍🔥

Sub!reiner in bed ❤️‍🔥

AOT men Facials pt. 1 ❤️‍🔥

Teacher!Reiner x reader

Jean Kirstein

AOT men Facials pt. 1 ❤️‍🔥

Levi Ackerman

AOT men Facials pt. 1 ❤️‍🔥

Onyankopon

AOT men Facials pt. 1 ❤️‍🔥

For a Time Such as This — Onyankopon x fem!reader ❤️‍🔥

What’s Mine is Mine — Onyankopon x fem!reader ❤️‍🔥

Postcard for the Road — Onyankopon x fem!Reader 💙

In Words I struggle to Express — Bassist!Onyankopon x Singer!fem Reader

No Self-Control — Pilot!Onyankopon x Air Hostess fem!Reader ❤️‍🔥

Triple N — Onyankopon x Fem!Reader 💙❤️‍🔥

We Really Shouldn’t…But — Onyankopon x fem!Reader ❤️‍🔥

Feet kink — Onyankopon x fem!Reader 💙❤️‍🔥

Nerd!Onyankopon x fem!reader 💙❤️‍🔥

Nerd!Onyankopon x fem!reader PT 2 💙❤️‍🔥

dilf!Onyankopon x fem!reader 💙

Zeke Jaeger

Rent-A-Boyfriend — Zeke x fem!reader

It Was An Accident!!! — Zeke x Eren x Jean x fem!Reader ❤️‍🔥

JJBA

job!character masterlist ❤️‍🔥

Jotaro Kujo

The Girl Who Works at The Diner (Jotaro x fem reader) 💙

Jotaro x Goth!fem reader 💙

soft!jotaro x accidental pregnancy!fem reader

single!father jotaro x fem reader

6789998212 (jotaro x black!fem reader) 💙❤️‍🔥

ARSENIC (jotaro x black!fem reader) 💙❤️‍🔥

My Protector (jotaro x reader) 💙

New Years and A Hint of Blue Magic - Jotaro x black!fem reader 💙

New Muse (Jotaro x black!fem reader) 💙

Size kink + bulging prompt (jotaro x fem!reader) 💙❤️‍🔥

When Life Gives you Pastries (single dad!Jotaro x baker!reader) 💙

Fear is for the (supposed) weak! (jotaro x reader) 💙

Stay (so i have you with me) — fwb!jotaro x black fem!reader 💙❤️‍🔥

Headcanons:

Mornings with jotaro (christmas edition)

Jean Pierre Polnareff

Everything, Everything for You My Dear (Polnareff x gn reader) 💙

Josuke Higashikata (Part 4)

Ready Player One (josuke x black!fem reader) 💙

Giorno Giovanna

Never Would Have Thought (giorno x black!fem reader) 💙

New Dawnings (giorno x black!fem reader) 💙

Leone Abbacchio

Abbacchio x Goth!fem reader 💙

Team Bucciarati

Honey (Team Bucciarati x reader) 💙

MHA

job!character masterlist ❤️‍🔥

Keigo Takami

Just Say It — Hawks x fem!reader ❤️‍🔥

Daddy’s Home — BD!Hawks x fem!reader

MARVEL

Miguel O’Hara

Maybe it’s Foreboding (Or Not) — Miguel x fem!reader

Change and Her Consorts — Miguel x fem!Reader ❤️‍🔥

[firefly--bright]

carry me out.

jean kirstein x reader , modern a.u.

summary ; you've let your predetermined, statistical thoughts on being loved carry you out for a long time. maybe you realise that jean should be an exception.

warnings ; HUGE trigger warning for suicidal thoughts, especially in the beginning. overall very angsty, but slight comfort at the end. no pre-existing relationship, only the indications of one. underage (?) alcohol consumption (please be safe n responsible with alcohol!)

a/n ; finally wrote a fic after like a month lmao im so sorry. a) for being gone so long and not updating my other fics but also b) returning with another heavy one. no promises if this is me coming out of my haitus, though, i still have end-sem submissions to worry about. everything has been hell but hey atleast im alive! anyways, as always, enjoy! also if you ever need anyone to talk to, im always here. please know that. youre not alone!

taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kiernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes (please feel free to skip this story, even if you are tagged, if it's too heavy for you!!)

huge thank you to @raazberry my absolute favouritest person for beta reading this :3

masterlist is in pinned post ✿ enter my taglist! ✿

You weren’t going to live past the next three years.

You knew this – it was written in your teary-eyed thirteen year old self’s note to a much older you, “if youre still the same after everything and you still feel like this all the time, then why keep trying? If youre not happy in somewhere outside of your head, then why keep living? Do you really want to live past 24?”

The letter may have been written against your better judgement, and you could still feel the cold of your marbled bathroom tiles and the too-bright florescent light above your head as you tried to stop your hand from shaking, but you lived by it. In all reality, your hopes were dwindling, and this misshapen version of you that sat infront of the mirror looked more like a smudged charcoal drawing instead of your face. You didn’t know how or why it was the way it was, but you had to live with this, live with the burnt and shaky outline of yourself thanks to the years you spent with your light still ablaze.

you sigh. Its all you know how to do.

The door knocks and you shift from your mirror to the source. Your heart skips a beat and everything lulls into a low hum.

“hey,” he says, with your name on his tongue as if he’s kept it there for years. “we were thinking about going out now that midterms are over. You wanna join?” he asks, his thumb pointing to the invisible invitation outside of your room.

You blink, humming the semblance of what you’d call love in your mind. “maybe. What’s  in it for me?” you ask. A smile graces your face and it doesn’t feel that foreign.

He pretends to think, humming out the same tune that played in your head every waking moment, his voice a low and calm tide. “free food?”

You breathe out a laugh. This bit doesn’t feel like a play, it doesn’t feel like a script with big block letters and directions and your name written in all caps. It feels normal. It feels foreign.

“don’t tell sasha, though.” He says, pointing a finger at you with a loose fist.

“I make no promises.” You really don’t.

“well, then, you should."

Maybe you would.

 Connie’s laughter would usually be described as an annoying 11 year old’s, but today, it offered you comfort like ice against a bruise, and marco would usually be described as a worried father, but his warmth was appreciated when he held the door open for all of you to walk in. sasha was already inside, chatting with her boyfriend who couldn’t be more happy to look at her with his chin resting on his palm and a soft smile on his face. Sasha’s animated voice could usually be described as the babbling of a child, but today it offered to be the noise that you craved. She was dressed well, with a bow tied gently into her hair and you wondered how you got this lucky to be half-present in the light of these fools.

Jean was always next to you, always to your left, always silently giving you his secretly undivided attention. Even as connie got another round of drinks for the table, even when sasha ate all the fries that were supposed to be shared, even when marco, ever the extrovert, went to mingle with friends from his other classes, even as niccolo held sasha’s hair back when she entered an unsaid drinking competition with Mikasa and her unshaken record, he was there. To your left, looking at his right with a warmth and gentleness that would’ve shaken you had you noticed it.

There was chatter. There was always noise, something to occupy your mind, as you played with the condensation on your glass, silently waiting for connie to shout out another drink that he presumed youd enjoy. To his credit, you did enjoy them, but maybe downing them in one go wasn’t the best idea if you truly wanted to savour them, and if the attention you were getting from your left wasn’t so alert, you’d have left this bar a long time ago.

And this didn’t mean any harm to your friends. Of course not, they couldn’t help but be the sun. they couldn’t help being this all consuming light that couldn’t stop itself from touching and spilling onto any surface it could find. Truly, you loved them for it like how you loved the sun – from a distance, looking at it through squinted eyes because you were afraid of it’s beauty. No, it wouldn’t be their fault that you were too much of a coward to feel what they offered to everyone without the hesitation you had.

“this is the part where you tell me what’s on your mind.” Jean says from beside you, memorizing a script you weren't aware of. theres a chord in your mind that rings out as he does, beginning an unfinished song that would continue on for as long as you lived.

You hum. It gets lost with the increasing sound of the song in your head and around you. shaking your head, you say something that’s unconvincing to your already deaf ears. “nothing,”

His palms slide over your wrist, covering up the embarrassment your pulse brings to yourself with a softness that doesn’t fail to shake you this time, noticing the way he looks around the place youre in – a bar? Youre not sure. You haven’t been sure where you ever were – and stops as he finds one. He gives you a once-over and leads you to the haven he’s scanned around for. he refuses to remove his hand from your wrist and some small or large or whatever-is-remaining part of you wants him to keep it there until your body evolves to accommodate his skin on yours.

You wonder how he feels. For the first time in a while, you wonder what it feels like to live outside of your head, outside of your own whatever-is-remaining body, outside of the stripped bare bones with pieces of meat stuck on it after charred teeth having gorged upon it night and day for twenty years. Does he see you that way? Could he stand to see the state you had yourself in, an unholy and unceremonious shrine to yourself, with nothing but the most minutest proof of your existence instead of everything you’d always wanted to become? Or does he see you as something that remains standing despite it? Would he see you as just that- the proof of the proof?

“there we go. No more noise.” He says decidedly and you’d agree a thousand times over. The chord he plays still reverbs through the empty nest of your chest and you agree – its as present as the noise of silence.

You hum again. You have no words to say. He doesn’t let go of your wrist and you pretend not to notice, just as he does. His fingers are calloused and weathered under unsaid conditions but you hope its because of love. It’s a large word to say, to think and to feel but you’ve long since forgone the formalities of having to speak. In your head, all words mean the same and nothing at the same time.

“saw a cat today.” He says. In your head, you agree.

This means something. Each word he says has its own representation, its own grip and handle on you instead of it all being everything.

You lean against something solid. Only then do you realise youre at a rooftop – climbing the stairs wasn’t registered when you spent your time staring at your beloved’s back, observing how his shirt moved over his skin with every consequential step, every meaningful breath. You became even more blind to the bodies of people that were a thousand times more present than you.

Only then do you realise the brightness of the city lights under you. the building you were on didn’t look all that tall, but it seemed taller than the rest. There were people there, being alive, breathing their own air and their own sound as yours made none. You let jean’s breathing be enough for the two of you until you’d find the dormant strength in yourself to find your own.

“brown and ginger fur. It was this tiny-“ he says. You throw him a glance because youre afraid looking at him for more than that would leave you with no choice but to keep burning, and his hands cup an invisible ball-like shape. You smile, looking back at the distant windows that carry their hopes into the night sky. “If I see it again, im gonna name it cookie.” He says.

Your smile grows gentler under the curtain of your fingers that are curled up against your lips, your chin on your palm. You wonder then, again, how he sees you. do you seem uninterested? You don’t mean to be, and he should know, but you don’t have the courage or the guts to let him know otherwise. Your words will get jumbled by the time you decide to regurgitate it, they’ll spill out of you in a blurring mess. You’ll end up having to say your name thrice to believe youre still here, if at all.

He's silent. His shoulder brushes against yours and you feel this like a script of a play – written in big block letters with his name signed over it, written in the brackets because its something that needs notice.

HES BRUSHING YOUR SHOULDERS LIKE HE ALWAYS IS, and youre an idiot because you think it makes you yourself. In a bracket, its specified with your name on top in big block letters – HE SEES YOU.

When you turn your head to that god-awful, all consuming left side again, he does. He sees you and you decide that now is a good time to return back to the whatever-is-remaining body again. Your bones shake with the song that keeps playing when he’s around and maybe the hopefulness of the open window lights of the city before and after you carries your hopefulness with it.

Maybe the light that his eyes reflect can carry out your silent grief with him. Maybe the burden you hold over yourself for so long – the one that you’ve gnawed and scratched and kneeled and digested over – maybe this all consuming shake in your body could use some pre-written and pre-determined accompaniment.

He doesn’t say anything. Whatever his script is, he doesn’t follow it. Maybe its his silence that speaks more about you than you could fathom for yourself. He carries out your grief and takes it for what it is – the proof of all of your love. He carries it out in his eyes, in his hand that is calloused because of words he hesitates to speak and carries in his fist, hidden behind his back. Only now, hes thankful for this silence. You understand it better than anyone, he thinks.

The big block letters in all caps overweigh the desperate letter you wrote to yourself when you were thirteen. He shift beside you, HIS ARM IS AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS AND HE’S HUGGING YOU NOW and youre  a little hopeful now. Youre a little hopeful that your longing has a partner. That your teeth can still be capable of letting go. That your tongue is capable of saying “thank you,” muttered against the warmth of his chest and his too-weak left side that carries his heart flutters against itself and he’s glad for how weak his left side is. He’s glad he feels your words ten times over because of it.

Whatever this script is, whatever dialogues are written and edited and predetermined are either being fulfilled or being gone against. You don’t care. You have the time to read it later. You have the choice to never read it ever again.

He holds you. your words don’t muffle because he hears you.

He hears you, and this is not a compulsion. Its not written in the script, no, loving you has always meant breaking the rules, loving you has always meant going against the forces of the nature that shaped you. jean didn’t seem to care much for rules, anyway.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 34 Everyday before

Chapter 34 of Cherry

A/N: One more chapter

Warning- Fluff, mentions of death, ptsd, angst and swearing

Takes place during- The final chapters special 2

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

Mother…

That’s why her piercing gaze is so familiar. The rest of her face is unrecognizable, but her eyes are those from your nightmares, they’re evil.

“Didn’t your midget mention me?” She asks in a soft and very feminine voice that catches you guard.

“You…” you stammer and return her piercing gaze without trying to exceed yourself and welcome back this anger you’ve been trying to overcome. “You used to hide me in closets. You kept me inside them. I’m still afraid of the dark because of you.”

Marie blinks and releases a soft scoff that sounds almost amused. “It was for your own good. I couldn’t risk people seeing you. You were a little girl, and when Lucius wasn’t home I had to do what I had to do for your own good.”

Lucius…one of your brothers? Which one out of three?

“Lucius?” You ask about him only because it’s your brothers that you care about, you can’t bring yourself to care about her. Ever. You were only ever curious to see what she looked like, and now that you see that she is beautiful, your curiosity has been fulfilled and now all you’ll wonder is why she let your father touch her.

“Who is he?” You ask hesitantly.

Marie pulls a cigarette out and puts it between her lips first before she answers. “My eldest. Your older brother. He’s the one who would take care of you and your brothers. He’s dead.” She announces bluntly before she lights her cigarette.

You swallow thickly and avert your gaze.

You can’t say you feel sad. Do you feel bad? Yes, but not sad, you don’t have any recollection of him. He’s just a story now.

“And that…” she trails off to point ahead. When you follow what she’s pointing to you see the guy with a buzz cut dancing with Mikasa. He’s looking over here too.

“…Is Eric,” she continues. “He’s 2, no, 3, 2? Well, he’s older than you are.”

You drift your eyes to her and shoot her a glare over the fact she doesn’t know how old her own child is.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she quickly remarks. “You look like your father when you do that.”

Better than being her. But still not a compliment.

“Anyway,” she snickers and sits back. “Then there’s Ben, my military boy. Which in fact,” she says and points at you with her cigarette. “He’s the general, and before that, he was closer to you than you knew. He was in the Military Police.”

You stiffen and look down at your hands with growing shock.

Does he know about you? If so, why did he never talk to you?

“You can’t blame Eric, he didn’t know about you until a couple of years back. He’s actually quite excited to meet you, but for now, I just needed him to distract—”

“What do you want from me?” You cut her off and narrow your glare back on her. “Why now?”

Marie shrugs. “Curiosity. This is a new era for humanity, my girl. I wanted to turn over a page and start a new chapter,” she rambles and lets the cigarette burn in her surprisingly well-manicured fingers—“I’m getting old, I want to retire, right my wrongs,” she says with the least sincere face ever.

Kenny was many things, but you could see when he was sincere, even through that tuff and hardened exterior. He wasn’t affectionate and mushy, but he was honest.

Marie though? You can read her, there’s an ulterior motive behind her eyes, something evil you can’t handle anymore.

You’re slowly starting to get better, and you can’t deal with the bullshit that comes with her anymore. Besides, she might’ve birthed you but she was never your mother, you had mother figures, and none of them were her.

“Then do so away from me,” you sneer and get up, managing to finally give Mikasa an out to rush over—“I want nothing to do with you.”

Marie leans forward and slowly tilts her head.

“I’m starting to get better,” you continue louder each second as you’re beginning to overflow with different emotions. “I want to heal from the part I had in the war, from the shit that I went through because you couldn’t be a mother, so stay the hell away from me,” you snarl and step back towards Mikasa who grabs your shoulder the moment she reaches you.

“Y/N, what's wrong?” Mikasa asks right away with concern.

You exhale and shake your head stiffly. “Nothing. Just saying goodbye to this woman here.” You press your hands on the table and lean forward to add a few more things. “Kenny was never a father either, but at least he had his reasons. He cared for me in his own way, but you, you’re nothing, so stay away. And if I see you around me I will not hesitate to get rid of you.” You stand up straight and huff out through your nose, making her grin and clap.

“Well, well, Little Uri,” she interjects without looking or sounding offended. “That’s what he called you, yeah? Uri? After that Reiss man, he was so obsessed with? Anyway, you have some balls on you kid…that’s all I ever wanted to see. Hm…good luck in life, kid.”

You blink and step back with slight surprise after you expected more. An outburst or a counter. But this is it?

“Come on, Y/N,” Mikasa urges you as she tugs your arm. “Let’s call it a day.”

You steal one last look at the woman still casually sitting down with her cigarette now in between her lips, and admit that you bear some resemblance look-wise, but that’s it, you could never be like her otherwise and you’re glad.

“Let’s go,” you whisper to Mikasa and let her turn you away to quickly stride out of the cantina.

“Are you okay?” Mikasa asks the moment you’re out.

You glance at her and nod honestly. “Yes. She was never in my life, so I can’t be upset over someone that was never there. I was curious to see her, and I see that she’s quite beautiful, so now my curiosity is satisfied.” You offer her a soft assuring smile and another nod. “I’m okay.”

Mikasa holds your gaze for a moment to read if you might be hiding any other emotions so she wouldn’t worry, but all she sees is sincerity, so she lets it go.

“I told you we should’ve not gone in,” she gloats.

You laugh softly. “She would’ve found me regardless, best to get out of the way. But I guess this means no more slackin’ off.”

Mikasa nods, and just before you get further away you both hear running footsteps before a voice calls out. “Wait! Y/N?”

Mikasa and you both stop in your tracks and peer over. That’s when you see that it’s Eric, your brother.

“I don’t want you to make any excuses for her,” you immediately interject and make him come to a stop. “She might’ve been a mother to you, but she wasn’t one to me, so don’t talk to me about her.”

Eric lets out a deep breath and places his hands on his hips and nods quickly in agreement. “No, yeah, yeah, that’s fine. She’s outta mouth and outta mind.”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion at his comment.

“You,” he points. “You’re my sister.”

You and Mikasa share a quick look before you nod stiffly. “Apparently so.”

“Well,” he says and hits his hands on his hips. “I thought I was the only child for so long, it was boring. I mean Ben is a military man, he was raised by his father after Lucius died, but that father then sold him off to the military or whatnot,” he rambles. “And I only barely found out I had a sister. I didn’t remember you. So…” he shrugs. “Maybe we can talk. We can talk to Ben and all talk together.”

You let out a breathless laugh before you give in. They’re the only reason why you wanted to meet your mother in the first place.

“Fine,” you sigh. “But only you. If I see her with you I’ll forget about you all over again. Got it?”

Eric flashes you a charming smile and nods eagerly. “Got it. Uh, where?”

“Hm, how about tomorrow? Right above here, there’s a teashop on Main 65. We can meet there at 1 pm.”

Eric nods and claps his hands. “Gotcha. Cool. Cool.”

You shoot him a small smile and offer him a small wave before you turn away and continue to walk away with Mikasa.

Once you’re a ways away she nudges your arm. “He’s like you. Talks a lot and is very chipper.”

You feign a laugh and nudge her harder. “Was he flirting with you? Maybe we can become like a twisted family, huh?”

Mikasa goes serious and glares at you for such an insinuation, making you chuckle and throw your arm around her. “Come on let's go see if my old house is still standing.”

——

Dear, Levi

Do you remember the brothers I have? Well, I met them. Both of them. I was hesitant to meet my older brother, Ben, because apparently he’s been in the Military police, and he knew about me so I was kind of offended that he didn’t present himself, but after my other older brother Eric basically begged me to present ourselves to him, well, I’ve decided to give it a shot!

Plus, the therapist says that working towards forgiveness right now as I’m trying to work on my anger is significant. I can choose to keep Ben out of my life as I get to know him, he says. And Mikasa says that too. So I’m giving it a shot, and you know? They’re not bad.

Ben is quite serious, and reserved, and he has a poor sense of humor. Oh, and he has a serious cigarette addiction. Can’t say I blame him though. Anyway, he’s trying to get on my and Eric’s good side.

Which leads me to Eric. He’s very cheerful, and he has a great sense of humor, Mikasa says he’s a lot like me personality-wise, but I don’t see it. He’s wicked smart, but kind of sloppy which is kinda of gross, but regardless, he was a huge mama's boy through and through, and then I don’t know what it was; the fact that he knows he has more family, or he was growing tired, but he told me that my mother wanted to use me to fight for her in some stupid turf war she’s currently in. She didn’t care, she knew I was strong like Kenny, so she wanted my power…can’t say I’m surprised.

Which is why I busted her and her rival! With the help of Mikasa, my brother Ben, and Eric. The underground considers us heroes now, so I’m glad. I would like for the underground to disappear completely, but people have rooted themselves too deep so there’s still people who want to stay, and as long as that happens then I’ll help them live better lives, even if it’s underground.

Anyway, I’m glad Eric did that. It must’ve cost him a lot, I can’t imagine what he must’ve felt betraying Marie like that, but I know pain, so I’m helping him. He lives with Mikasa and me now! So we’ll bond a lot. I’m excited.

Anyhow, I’m finally going to that tree. I’ve finally found the strength and I’m going. Mikasa and my brothers are coming with me too. I’m starting anew. Or so I think.

I’m glad you’re moving on your leg more and that they’re starting to accept all of you. I love you, until next time.

Yours truly, Cherry.

P.S. Jean finally wrote to me. It was short, and a year and a half later, but he finally wrote back!

——

That tree, your special tree where a lot of your childhood is rooted, and the reminder of who you were and what happened is planted there too beside Marco’s stone.

The tree is basically in your backyard, you chose to make your home close to it on purpose, but no matter how close you are to it you haven’t been able to find the courage to go visit it until now. And you’re not going alone either, Mikasa and your brothers are going to, so maybe that’s what makes it easier.

“Just up there, that tree there,” you point ahead at the tree you’d never forget any markings of.

Ben and Eric keep walking to it, but you stop and stare at it with hesitation.

“You know, no matter how long I’ve spent up here,” you hear Eric interject. “I can never get over how green everything is.”

“That’s what happens when you live too long behind mothers skirts,” Ben retorts.

“Mother never wore skirts.” Eric quips.

Mikasa lets out a short breathless laugh as she stops by your side. “Do you need time?” She asks.

You pull your eyes away from the tree to look at her. And the moment you lay your eyes on her you feel comfort and the confidence to finish the last stretch.

“No,” you mumble. “We’re basically there. Let’s go, I don't know how long Ben will last with that button-up.” You offer her a tiny smile, and Mikasa glances over at your older brother and scoffs softly as she catches him swatting away bugs flying around him.

You finish walking to your destination and find it a bit easier than you thought, but once you reach the tree, as you see the headstones planted in front of it your breath catches and you feel that agony puncturing your heart all over again.

“This is morbid,” Eric mutters quietly. “It’s kind of freakin’ me out.”

“Shut up,” Ben hisses.

You can’t say that seeing Marco’s headstone brings you so much sorrow that you feel paralyzed because the truth is, you’ve grieved him. He’s been dead for a long time now, so his death isn’t what truly affects your state of mind. Seeing your tombstone, seeing the memories of who you used to be playing around this area is what made coming here worse.

You so badly wanted to come and feel better, feel like you used to, but you’re only reminded of the pain you suffered. All you feel is sorrow and hot tears streaming down your cheeks. That’s why you could never make yourself come up here, but that’s also why you’re here.

The vivid and beautiful colors this world is painted with are slowly coming back to light. You’ve slowly started feeling joy in just hearing the wind howling in your ears. You’re slowly seeing beauty in the ugly once again, and it’s amazing, but you also know that you can’t be who you used to be. That’s why you’re here, that’s why you finally made it to the tree because you can finally let go of your old self.

“This is where I lie,” you break the silence that had built as everyone gave you a moment of silence. “This is where my family buried me after they thought I died, and for so long I tried to deny that the girl I used to be lay here, I tried to fight it and tried to put myself back together, but,” you sniffle. “Here I am. And It’s okay. I’m letting go and starting anew.”

You exhale deeply and feel, or think you feel a weight rise off your chest as you finally make peace with yourself. Sure it’ll still take time to heal from the pain, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you used. Your nightmares are less, and they’ll never go away, but they don’t paralyze you anymore. You accept who you let go of, and accept who you’re slowly becoming. And it wouldn't feel complete without putting flowers down, so you crouch down and leave flowers in front of your tombstone before you place some on Marco’s as well.

“Do you want us to say something too?” Eric asks, causing all eyes to fall on him.

Yet whereas Mikasa and Ben looked annoyed and upset at Eric’s boldness, you laugh and shake your head. “No. This is just a me thing. But I wanted to do something with you guys too.” You look at everyone who came with you before you drift away to the creek's edge.

“The flowers in my hand are for us,” you share and wipe away your tears before you hand everyone a flower. “For example, I’ll go first,” you continue and dip your feet in the waterbed. “Here lies me, my past, my pain, and a soldier.” You drop the flower in the water and watch the current take it away. “Today I welcome a veteran, an underground hero,” you laugh. “A sister, and who I will become down the line in my long future.”

You turn and face your group with a smile. Yet they don’t share that same enthusiasm, so you step away from the water with loud wet footsteps and approach Eric first to pull him to the river.

“Do it. For me,” you plead sweetly.

Eric looks at you and scoffs. “You’re starting your new life with manipulation?”

You shoot him an innocent smile and he holds your gaze for a moment before he steps into the water and throws his flower in the water.

“There goes me, I guess…a son, and a thug…” he trails off and watches the flower float away for a lingering moment.

You don’t stand close so you can’t see his expression, but you can imagine it’s not a happy one. He’s letting go of a life he knew, he’s finally letting go of the only person he had for so long. She was not a good person or a good mother, but it’s all he had and he’s finally accepting that it’s okay to let go.

“And you’re welcoming someone new,” you interject for him. “A brother, a hero, and hope for those in need underground.”

Eric's shoulders fall and he hesitates before he looks back at you with a smile and glossy eyes.

You mirror his gesture and notice Ben walk to Eric’s side to hurl his flower in the water.

“I suppose,” Ben interjects and exhales deeply. “I’m letting go of who I was when the Titans were alive.”

You sigh and watch him walk out of the water bed quickly to return to dry ground, letting Mikasa go next.

Albeit she doesn’t move, she stays where she is and grips onto the flower, making you sigh and hook your arm around hers to comfort her instead of pushing her to do what you wanted. Because unlike Eric and you, letting go isn't as easy. You know her life hasn’t been easy after losing Eren, you see her struggle, and you’ve tried to help her just as much as she’s helped you.

It’s why you let her watch the water drive away the flowers you had dropped instead.

“Ben,” you bring up and slowly look over at your brother. “If you leave, and push us away just know I won’t give you another chance…I’ll leave you behind like I left our mother behind. Understand?”

Ben meets your gaze with slight disbelief as he nods in comprehension.

“Good.” You smile and then look at everyone with you before you grin. “Why don’t we keep going to reach that waterhole before Ben here melts under the sun.” You laugh and Eric soon joins in, causing Ben to sigh.

“What if we race there?!” Eric suggests as he steps out of the water.

You shoot him a pointed look and protest, “no, I’m not running all the way there.”

Eric tilts his head and challenges your gaze. “No? Scared I’ll beat you?”

You scoff and let go of Mikasa's arm to stare him down for a few seconds before you break into a sprint towards the waterhole.

“Hey!” Eric calls out and runs after you, leaving Mikasa and Ben to catch up at a walking pace.

——

*2 YEARS LATER*

Dear Levi,

I don’t like that you’re not returning home. I truly don’t. And yes that’s how I’m starting this damn letter, you old man. WHY COULDN'T YOU COME HOME WITH THE OTHERS? DO YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER THERE?! CAUSE I WILL! I WILL GO ON A BOAT AND GET TO YOU!

Anyway, just so you know, I went to visit Furlan and Isabel, I ranted to them about you. Oh, and I have forgotten to say, my cherry blossom trees bloomed. I wish I could take a picture of how the pink stands out amongst all the green trees that surround my cottage.

Oh and Ducks also live in my pond now! They’ve also hatched their little ducklings, they’re so cute! They shall become friends with my baby chicks.

Anyway, this letter will be short because I’m mad at you.

I love you! I’ll write when the others get here!

Your lovely and favorite child, Cherry.

——

*A FEW WEEKS LATER*

“Okay, okay, how about this pink dress with the matching scarf? Hmm?” You spin around and show off your second outfit to Mikasa. “The scarf can also be around my neck! But I don’t want the wind to hit my head. So around my head, it is,” you continue to ramble to yourself. “With this small white purse?” You lift a small white bag. “Or this one,” you roll out and lift a bigger one that looks identical.

Mikasa sighs and fixes her red scarf as she studies you again, her eyes drifting from bag to bag before meeting your gaze and sharing her thoughts. “He’ll like you regardless, so please just stop changing, and let’s get out before we’re late.”

You snort and laugh nervously before turning to sit down and put on some white heels. “What are you talking about? I’m not doing this to impress Jean,” you brush her off nervously.

“Oh, I was talking about Reiner actually,” Mikasa jokes with a serious face that makes you huff and stand to your feet to face the mirror again.

“Small purse it is,” you decide by yourself before you shift your feet to turn, but stop to fix your necklace and the charm that was all twisted.

“You look desperate,” Mikasa says boldly, making you gasp and cup the charm with an offended look on your face. “He’s still your friend. Not your lover.”

You pout and ignore her to walk away. And the moment you do Eric walks across from you, but stops and backpedals, causing you to look at him with a pointed look. Eric then reaches over and snatches the necklace off your neck.

“You look desperate,” he repeats what Mikasa just said. “Now hurry up we don’t got all day.”

“He’s my best friend!” You argue. “Why can’t I wear it?!”

Eric tosses the necklace to Mikasa who catches it with ease. “Because you’re not dating it’d be weird,” he rebuttals.

He begins to walk towards the door, so you walk to your seat to pick up your cat off your seat and set her down on the floor so she can know to follow after you. “You only say that because you have no friends, you only hang out with me and Mikasa, or Ben all day. Loser,” you snap.

Eric opens the train cart and looks back with a teasing smile. “Only loser here is you.”

You roll your eyes and follow after him with your cat Honey following at your side since she never likes being apart from you.

However, as confident and excited as you felt walking out of the train cart, your nerves to see Jean again after three years makes you slow down your pace, and clench your hands to fists, while you feel your stomach twist and scare off the fluttering butterflies you felt previously. And because you slowed down, unknowingly Mikasa got ahead of you, and knowingly people (men specifically) begin to swarm around you.

First, it was some guy selling Newspapers to the people getting off the boats, the next it was an old florist who saw you hesitate by his stand to admire the flowers.

“Want a sunflower? Freshly picked today.” He walks around the stand and snatches a sunflower to lean it towards you. “No charge. A pretty flower for an even prettier flower.”

He’s flirty big time which is gross, but he is old, and you probably won’t ever see him again, so you smile at him and take the flower he offered. “How did you know sunflowers are my favorite?” You smile and touch your chest as if completely gushed.

“I have an eye for this kinda stuff,” he says cockily.

You giggle and pull out some spare change from your bag whilst you continue to talk to him. “Well, the flower is very beautiful. I wanted to grow some of my own, but they never grew,” you mention with genuine sadness.

The old man points to the sky and props his hand on his stand. “It’s the damn birds. They eat the seeds off the ground I tell ya, try putting a net over it until they bloom.”

You offer him a genuine smile and discreetly leave the coins in the pot for him to find later. “Well,” you say, “that's good advice. Thank you, I’ll try it.” You begin to walk away and he slowly follows behind.

“Come again and maybe I’ll show you what net to use,” he says smugly, making a teasing smile grow on your lips.

“I will think about it,” you say over your shoulder before saying goodbye and continuing down to the dock where Jean and the others were probably already getting off.

Yet as you continue to stride down to the pier you catch a glimpse of Mikasa glaring at you by the gate that leads to the pier.

You offer her a smile and quicken your pace, making your cat's little bell attached to her expensive collar jingle as she tries to keep up. When you reach your cousin she grabs your arm and pulls you with her. “We’re late. They're getting down.”

“So much for waving your scarf at your lovers as they climb down,” Eric teases as he walks back to fall by your side.

“Can you shut up,” you sneer and push him aside.

Eric reacts dramatically and pretends to bump into your other brother, Ben, who is lined up with Historia and the others as they also wait for Peace ambassadors.

“Whoa bro,” Eric laughs at Ben.

Your older brother shoots Eric a side eye and counters with a pinch to Eric’s arm. “Behave.”

Eric snorts and then skips over to catch up to you once again. However, you barely pay any mind to him anymore because now all you can see is Jean first before you can take a look at any of your other friends.

Perhaps it’s because he’s the tallest or not, but he’s the one that caught your eye right away. And right away you noticed the slight change in his appearance.

His hair is brushed back, he no longer tucks his bangs behind his ear. He looks a bit older and seems to be aging gracefully. That suit he wore suits him very well and hugs his biceps extremely well.

Besides that, he looks the same since you saw him last. Except you did think he’d share your smile upon seeing you, he does seem happy to be returning home from what he wrote to you last, but maybe he was just saying that to be nice because his eyes now are widened slightly, and his lips are parted as he watches you approaching him.

Yet you don’t let that affect you, you still beam at him as if nothing happened, as if he hasn’t only sent sporadic letters here and there, and go to embrace Connie.

“Connie!”

Said man hugs you back, making you squeeze him back.

“You’re still strong you know,” he groans.

You laugh and pull back to grab his arms and look at him with admiration. “Look at you,” you point at his hair. “Your hair! You’re not bald!”

Connie grumbles, “I was never bald.”

“It actually looks nice!” You compliment him.

Connie flashes you a smile. “Now that you’re not with Jean would you date me?”

You scrunch your nose and scoff, “no.”

Connie scoffs and looks at you offended, letting you pull back to throw your arms around Pieck since Mikasa is still talking to Armin.

“Hey, you,” Pieck greets warmly.

“I missed you!” You tell her honestly. “We can only write so much on a letter.” You can’t stop smiling and step back to show it off to her.

“You look nice,” she directs at you.

You bow your head. “Thank you.”

“It took her five hours to pick a damn outfit,” Eric cuts in behind you, letting all the attention finally drift to him instead of avoiding him.

“Who are you?” Annie is the only one to ask.

Eric smirks. “Only the most important man of y/n’s life,” he jokes and throws an arm around your shoulders.

You go along with him and look at Jean, noticing that he and Reiner have the same shocked and horrified look on their faces at the mention.

“This is Eric,” you introduce the guy beside you. “My older half-brother.”

Reiner lets out a relieved breath, and Jean laughs nervously.

“Brother.”

“Half brother,” you correct Eric.

Eric pushes you aside now that the act is done but you grab his arm. “Eric, this is my family….Armin,” you point at the blond boy who hasn’t changed that much. “That’s Connie,” you point to the guy next to Armin.

“Sup,” Connie greets with a gentle head rise.

“And that’s—wait!” You exclaim and let Eric go to push past him and Mikasa to reach Ben and grab his hand to yank him out of formation and pull him with you. “This is my other brother, Ben!” You exclaim.

Ben offers them a faint tight tight-lipped smile and a small head nod.

“Ben, this is Armin, Connie, and Jean,” you introduce your best friend once again.

Eric and Ben share a look and slowly Ben’s serious stupor falls, and Eric cuts in. “So this is him, huh?”

Your eyes widen and you snap your head towards your brother.

“Maybe she can finally stop with her obsessive questioning,” Ben plays along.

Eric nudges him and adds, “maybe I should write Jean.”

You frown.

“I wish Jean would write,” Ben adds as he begins to laugh.

“Maybe I should stop altogether,” Eric cuts in and Connie begins to chuckle, causing you to snap your glare at him. He notices and shuts up.

“Shut up,” you hiss and pinch Eric’s arm before you push Ben and twist on your heels to storm away.

“You made her mad,” you hear Mikasa comment nonchalantly.

Without looking back you know your cat is behind you so you just head back to the train and decide to continue reading your book. The others don’t take long to come inside and the first one to find you is your brother.

“It was funny, but I apologize,” Eric interjects.

You raise your book and turn to block his face. “You embarrassed me.”

Eric sighs. “I guess.”

Footsteps approach but you don’t think much of it until you hear Jean’s voice. “Can we talk?”

You lower your book and meet his gaze with a sigh before you nod softly.

.

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world @dragon-master-kai

[kittenfangirl20]

*Reiner obsessing over the letter Historia wrote and sniffing it before Eren pops up right behind him seemingly out of nowhere*

Eren: Why are you sniffing my wife’s letter and being a creep about it.

Jean: What the fuck man, I thought you were dead?

Eren: I am the Founding Titan, I faked my death. But that isn’t important, why is Reiner sniffing the letter written by Historia, my wife and the mother of my child?

Connie: Dude, you better come up with a good excuse or you’re going to be murdered.

Reiner: I wasn’t sniffing her letter, I was trying to get a better look at it because her writing is tiny.

Eren: That’s what I thought, because that would make you really creepy if you were sniffing the letter.

*Eren leaves just as suddenly and everyone in left in shock over what happened*

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

✧ jean kirstein as a first time dad ✧

his hands shook with the fear of being a terrible father, but his eyes told you he’d be an amazing one

jean kirstein who’d lay in you lap while your bump was still little just to be close to the most important things in his life

he looks forward to the day when they will be big enough to run to the door and greet him when he comes home from work

just imagine the father of your kids, jean kirstein, scooping up your baby after a long day and all the stress in his face just melts away

jean also dreads the day they will become too big. he has a fear that one day they won’t need him

secretly hopes for a girl to spoil and to love

will be in the kitchen making sunday breakfast for you and the kid. eggs, waffles, bacon, everything

when your water broke, he was white knuckled all the way to the hospital, barely taking his eyes off the road

he’ll kiss your forehead and wipe your tears. he’ll tell you to keep your eyes on him, that you can do this, that he’s right here, and that you’re almost there.

not long after you’re both home and settled in with the baby, he asks about another one. he would love a few mini you’s running around creating chaos.

found himself driving to gas stations for your 3 am cravings

jean kirstein who would listen so intensely during all your prenatal checkups, read the parenting books and hell, even consider going to a first time parent group. he’s so invested in you and this growing child, he can’t afford to fuck it up for a single second.

read my jean fic here xoxo

[ye4gerism]

𝑨𝑳𝑳 𝑰𝑺 𝑭𝑨𝑰𝑹 𝑰𝑵 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑾𝑨𝑹 - 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐊𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐈𝐍 𝐗 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 part three!

word count 6.3k

content warning smut and infidelity. also a brief moment of jean dirty talk

author’s notes thanks for waiting guys! i understand it’s been a long wait but may was such a busy month😭 this chapter was longer than expected and i debated on cutting this chapter in half and posting the second half later but you guys don’t deserve that since i left you hanging for a while. i will say that this is chapter 3/4. still debating on how the chapter will look like but i have a feeling it’ll be more of an epilogue than a full blown chapter, but we’ll see. enjoy for now :)

synopsis after the rumbling, you found yourself on your feet in your home town. you have a completely new life - you’re watching your country be built again and now you have a partner! what happens when a man from your past reaches out to you via letter?

Summer 859

Mr. Abe,

I hope your preparations for your trip to Paradis has been going smoothly. Are you sure you and your wife don't want to stay with Queen Historia? This is an official visit and you want to stay with me in Trost?

As I've explained before, my apartment has two rooms but the available room isn't fit for both of you. My mother is willing to take one of you in as well but I don't see how that's favorable as a married couple on an official visit.

Just let me know if you change your mind,

Jean Kirstein

Jean,

He's not budging. He really wants to stay separate. However, he'd rather share the apartment with you; I think that's one thing you can't convince him out of. But that's alright - you're on holiday and I wouldn't mind you checking in on me at your mother's...or you giving me a tour of Paradis. At your own safety of course.

Things here continue to worsen. I thought it was just the frustration of being a leader after the Rumbling but now I'm becoming the problem. I'm not ready to start a family. In numbers, the aftermath of the Rumbling is so far away but for me, it still feels like yesterday. I just got married and now I'm home. There is no society to give in to...so why should I start having children right now?

I don't even love Sebas. I think he's catching on. He's purposely out late and always sleeps somewhere else in our home. When he’s angry with me, he starts to ramble on but I've learned to tune him out.

Again, I'm thankful for your time off. I really need some cheering up.

Y/N

Y/N,

I'm sorry that your situation has worsened. I'll make sure to make your summer here entertaining. I'll let you meet the rest of my friends and they'll take you in as one of their own.

I don't want to agree with your husband here but I think it's best you stay with my mom. My apartment isn't one for a lady such as yourself and my mom will know how to make you comfortable in your struggles. My father was a bit like Sebas.

If I had you in my apartment, mess aside...the things I'd do to you. We'd never go outside.

On a more serious note, I understand your ideas on kids. Other than my affair with you, I've been holding back on commitment because of what it comes with. Before reconnecting with you, I had so many options but I just didn't feel that it was a pressing issue.

If I were married to you, I'd definitely wait. With the life I have to live, I understand your worry.

See you soon,

Jean

Jean finally came around to cleaning his apartment. It wasn't much of a battle and it did feel pretty nice. However, it just felt out of place - he traveled so much, that he never had groceries. And because he and Sebas went back and forth so much about the rooming arrangements he never had the time. To Jean, it just didn’t feel homey enough.

The time to pick the couple up finally came. The sky was a richer blue as afternoon approached. Jean was picked up by a driver sent by Historia and was on his way to the ports. The ride was silent; Jean filled the quietness with thoughts of you. He thought about your hair, how your skin glowed, your body against his for that split second the previous summer. The way your eyes fought to close and how your mouth hung open as he rammed against you. The way your hands gripped his back before you both jumped away like positive magnets.

Jean looks down and sees the slight tent in his pants. He places his hands on top of it and looks out into the street, in hopes of hiding his excitement. However, you're still on his mind; he can see himself walking down the streets with you, taking you to a boutique or a restaurant...maybe even walking you down to a courthouse to sign a marriage certificate or taking your baby for a walk.

He scrunches his eyes closed, hoping to find something new to think about.

When you first saw Jean waiting at the port for you, you felt like your heart had wings. Suddenly your marriage wasn't a problem and you were right at home with Jean, your love. It may not have been true or traditional, but you loved him.

You were grateful for Sebas wobbling down the boat ramp with your luggage because had he not been in front of you, you'd run straight into Jean's arms.

Jean meets you both halfway. Sebas puts the luggage down and shakes hands with Jean. "I hope your journey was comfortable, Mr. Abe," Jean says, courtly. "It was. Paradis really is ahead of the world," Sebas says with a slight chuckle. Jean hums before stepping to the side to greet you. He takes your right hand and brings it up to his lips. His eyes remain on you, longing for your affection. He lowers your hand, still staring you down. "Mrs. Abe..." he drawls. "Ambassador Kirstein," the sound of your voice carried a slightly flirtatious tune.

Jean lets go of your hand immediately, trying not to get carried away. "First, I'll take you guys to visit Historia and a few of the other Alliance members and if we have time, I'd love if you met Mikasa," he looks over at you once more, "Well, I'd like if you met Mikasa."

"Well, why don't we pass by the palace and you can take Y/N tomorrow? I'd like us to settle down first," Sebas responds. Jean nods in understanding. He takes one of the bags and gestures over to the motor carriage.

As the three of you walk through the crowd on the port, you start to notice how some people's demeanors change as Jean passes by - dirty looks, shuffling away, disappointed head shakes. "Traitor!" A middle-aged man steps in front of him, causing the three of you to pause. Jean is slightly shaken but he brushes it off and walks around him. "You stupid Alliance folk! Always working with the enemy! Eren Yeager wouldn't have wanted this! Screw you!" he continues to yell. This brings more attention to you guys and Jean looks down, seemingly embarrassed. "I'm sorry," he mutters. You're unsure if his apology is for you and your husband or the heckler.

Sebas and Jean place your luggage in the back of the motor carriage. You're all seated and Jean quietly tells the driver directions. He turns back, looking at you first and then at Sebas. "I'll drop you off at the palace first and then I'll leave to get your luggage dropped off and maybe some groceries. Whenever you're ready, you can ask the driver to drop you off at my mother's place for dinner."

"You're not coming with us? To meet Queen Historia?" You ask. You were hoping for a moment with him. Jean looks down, guilty because of the quick change of plans. "You'll be fine, Historia carries herself well. You don't need me to introduce you to her." He turns back around.

You stare at the back of his head, wondering if the heckler ruined his confidence and if something similar was ahead at the palace.

Historia was a joy. When you thought of the title 'Queen', you thought of someone who always has their head high up and was just stiff like how the leaders in Marley were but Historia was funny and insightful. Her daughter was the absolute cutest and she did have you thinking about kids but the idea of kids made you think about Sebas and your failing marriage.

You were also met with familiar faces such as Connie and Armin. They were very excited to you and Sebas again. You were met with questions about Jean's lack of appearance that you didn't know how to answer. They laid off but showed slight concern and annoyance at their friend bailing out last minute.

Then came the Marleyian branch of the Alliance: Reiner, Annie, and Pieck. You had heard briefly about them and their stories from Jean. They all gave you a quick handshake before properly introducing themselves to Sebas, who they were truly here for. After introductions, they all start to walk off for their meeting. Sebas stays behind for a moment and grips your arm. "Obviously, you have no importance here. It's probably better if you head off now."

You give him a confused look and he rolls his eyes in response. "Jean did say you could ask the driver to take you to his mother's house. Were you not listening?" Sebas asks annoyed. You say nothing back, even though you really want to cuss him out. He looks at you for a moment and then sighs. He begins to walk away to catch up with others but then looks back at you once more. "Just remember to ask the driver to come back here."

You begin to wonder if he stopped loving you too - not that you valued his opinion. You worried more about the direction that all of this was going.

You were appreciative of the quiet ride to Trost. Paradis was beautiful - the sea air felt calming and you loved seeing the locals go about their day. It was as if the Rumbling never happened. Everything here reminded you of home in the saddest way. But being here, riding in this motor carriage, was better than being anywhere with Sebas.

The motor carriage came to a stop at Jean's mother's home. You thank the driver and get out of the carriage. You walk up to the door and knock and wait a few minutes. You hear footsteps approaching from the house and you're met face to face with Jean.

"You look so much better," you say. Your smile grows at the sight of him. He ushers you inside and closes the door. Before he says anything, he pulls you in for a kiss. His hands lightly resting in your hair and his hand applying pressure to your upper back. Jean pulls away and begins to kiss your neck. He pulls away for some air.

"I missed you," he breathes before moving to your jaw.

"Jean." You place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him off as lightly as possible. You hold his shoulders looking him in the eye. "I missed you too...what about your mother? Is she not home?" There's a cheeky look in his eye as he proceeds to shake his head no.

"Want me to show you to your room?" Playfulness danced within his voice. You nod, expecting him to lead you in that direction. Instead, he cups one arm under your leg, causing you to squeal. You immediately catch Jean's drift and let him pick you up. Your hands cup his face and you initiate the kissing again. Oh, how you missed this...him. "Please...make me feel good," you pant.

Jean carries you upstairs to the guest room. He struggles with opening the door between making out with you and making sure the both of you don't topple over. After fiddling with the handle, the door finally opens and within a snap of a finger, you’re sprawled onto the bed. You begin to sit up and Jean walks back over to the door to close it. Once he's on his way back to you, he's unbuttoning his shirt. "Wanna help me out?"

You bite your lip in response. You go for his pants, eagerly. There was no care for theatrics - you and Sebas were over with, it had been months, almost a year since you were truly satisfied. You tug his pants; at the sight of his boxers, you pull both down, revealing his hardening length. You wrap your fingers around him and fondle it. Jean places a hand on your shoulder and closes his eyes. After a few moments, his head rolls back and you take this as an opportunity to lick his tip. He exhales your name as you take what you can in your mouth and your tongue begins to swirl. Your patterns change and once again, your hand assists. He begins to jerk, slightly groaning and you remove him from your mouth; you fondle him until he releases on your lips and nose. Jean lets out a sigh of relief as you lick your lips.

"You turn," he manages to get out. He sits at the edge of the bed. "Leg up." You bring your legs up to your chest, lifting your dress as you go. Your arousal is visible. His fingers pull your underwear down to your ankles and you open your legs a little wider. They then move to your bud. He moves it in a circular direction with one singular finger. "Jean," you say through clenched teeth. He chuckles as he transitions to using his fingers to rub it from side to side. You whine and arch your back. Jean continues with this until he decides to slip two fingers into you.  You grab onto the arm doing all the work and lean into him. As he moved his digits in and out of you, you mewl his name. He continues and even adds another finger for extra measure, causing you to almost choke on your cries.

You feel everything tightening up. You pleaded into his shoulder, begging for more, begging for a release.

"Jeanbo!"

You both pull away. You're out of breath but panicked. "We never seem to have the best luck, do we?" Jean mutters. "In the guest room! Just talking to our guest!" He gets up and starts looking for the other half of his clothes. You pull your underwear up and get up to look at your image in the vanity. You notice the seed on your nose drying up and curse under your breath. "What?" Jean asks. He's finally got his pants together. "It's drying up," you respond. You lick your thumb and rub the bridge of your nose, watching the material fade away.

Jean smacks your ass, causing you to turn around. "What are you doing?" You look at his still unbuttoned shirt. You sigh in disappointment and begin to button it up. He watches you in amusement. "I can't help but think about you possibly being my wife and buttoning up my shirts and helping me with my ties."

"Well, stay in the present, I'm helping you before your mom walks in on you and me," you say with a slight annoyance in your voice. The footsteps approach the room and the door knob rattles. The door opens revealing a smaller, older woman. There's an immediate smile on her face. "Nice to finally meet you. So sorry that I'm late, I went out to get groceries to make dinner." She walks towards you with a hand extended. You shake it and smile. "I'm Y/N. What are we having for dinner?"

"Well, I wanted to make a bigger meal but it sounds like your husband isn't staying," Jean's mother explained. Jean gives you a confused look, which you return. "Oh, silly me, you can call me June."

"Mom, is Sebas here?" Jean cuts in. She nods. "Outside in the motor carriage. I'm assuming that Historia probably served him something."

Jean purses his lips. "I should be off then. Y/N, I'll be back for you tomorrow to take you to Mikasa and out to eat. Since we're doing separate dinners all of a sudden." He kisses his mom on the cheek and waves goodbye to you as he walks off to deal with Sebas.

The next morning, Sebas was off to another meeting with Historia and the other Alliance members. Jean had waited for him to get ready and take his exit so he could ready himself. He was excited for his day with you - he'd take you to meet Mikasa, who you knew would hit it off with her, dinner later, and definitely some time to yourselves in the end.

As he expected, the motor carriage was gone. The palace was more than a walking distance but Jean couldn't help but feel frustrated by Sebas's need to get away - he did have the option to stay with Historia.

Jean grabs his grey fedora that matches his suit set and leaves his apartment. His mother's home isn't much of a walk from where he lived. The walks to her house often left him pensive about where his life was going. Was it ok that he was the other half of an affair? Should he give up his ambassadorship to be a Yeagerist? What was the point of all of this? Instead, this morning was filled with thoughts of you and making your time here the best before you were back home with Sebas. Thinking about you made time move faster - he was already here, right in front of his mother's house. He pulled his keys for the home out of his pockets and unlocked the door.

He was immediately met with the familiar eggy smell mixed with ham and onions. Jean locks the door behind him walks straight into the kitchen and sees his mother finishing up three omelets. At the sight of him, June pauses for a moment to take him into her arms. "Mommy." Jean placed his head on top of hers; being his height and her being so small made their embraces so awkward but he enjoyed every minute of it. He was so lucky to still have her in his life. "Jeanie," she pulls away, "Your friend is still getting ready. Can you set the table so we can all sit together?" Jean takes two of the plates into the dining area. He sets them down on the table and notices the utensils clumped together. Jean takes this as an opportunity to place those by the plates.

"He's handsome, kind, and helps his mother set up the table with no argument? How are you still a bachelor?"

Jean looks up and sees you. Your hair is styled to the side, showing more of your beaming face. You have on a pink dress, with flower jewelry, and a pink hat that compliments the look.

He chuckles at your commentary. "Well, that's because, one, I have my eye on the prettiest girl in Anahg, who, erm, happens to be married. And two, nobody wants to marry the traitor." He slowly walks towards you. Once you're close enough, he places an arm on your waist and pulls you closer to him. "Well, any lady would be ridiculous enough to hold that against you. You're so handsome, I'd forget about any crime you've committed," you tease. "That's why I like you," he says before going in for a peck. What began as something small quickly became something passionate and intense. His hands reached lower and your hands reached under his shirt.

"What in Ymir's name..."

Jean pushes you off of him at the sound of his mother's voice. She's standing in the doorframe, bewildered at the scene. June storms up to her son and pulls him down by his ear, causing him to yelp. "I didn't raise you to act like a dirty buffoon. Acting just like your father!" She continues to tug until she feels like Jean has learned his lesson. Then she looks at you. "I thought you were a lady. You're married to a good man and you go behind his back to act like that with someone else? No, there can't be an explanation for this behavior."

You feel like something is stuck in your throat and tears well up in your eyes. You wish you could explain to her that you weren't in love with Sebas and how your marriage was already falling apart. But you feel that June's trust in you and her initial thoughts have already faded away...and based on the way she chastised Jean, this was probably personal to her.

"I...I met Y/N in Marley before the Rumbling," Jean starts. "We fell in love there and then we were quickly separated. After much searching, I finally found her but she was married."

"And this helps your case how?" His mother was more disappointed than convinced.

"I married Sebas out of convenience. I had just gotten back to Anahg after being trapped in Marley. I missed home and I missed my life, so I took the opportunity once it landed in my hands. And I thought I loved him in the beginning but things weren't what they seemed. Long story short, Sebas and I are quickly falling out. That's why he's been so cold," you explain.

June's demeanor doesn't change. "I still don't see what that has to do with anything. Having an affair doesn't fix anything." You look down at your feet. She was right; what reaction were you expecting with that explanation anyway?

"I will be the first to tell you that this won't end well. Cut it out," she finishes.

Breakfast did not sound appealing anymore.

The ride to Mikasa's cottage was awkward. You didn't like that you just got your ass chewed out by June. You were excited to get to know her more. Your first night at her home was full of laughter and you could really see Jean in her. Now, she saw you as a troublemaker.

Jean sat as far away from you, his entire body leaning on the door. You could only see the side of his head as he stared at the outside scenery. His mind was clearly somewhere else; he had yet to tell you about his mother's comment about his father.

The motor carriage came to a stop and Jean gave the driver his payment. "Let's go," he tells you. He gets out but you remain in the motor carriage. When he notices that you're still inside, he whips his head around. "Y/N, let's go."

You look at him for a moment. "Mr. Kirstein, I'm a lady. It'd be appropriate if you opened the door for me and helped me out." Jean looks at you blankly before busting out into laughter. He walks over to your side of the motor carriage, still amused by your statement. He rests his arms on the door and looks down at you. "You? A lady?" Then he lowers his voice and cups your jaw. "What type of lady, who is married, has an affair and isn't afraid to hide it? If anything, Mrs. Abe, you're far from it. You're dirty and unfaithful. Calling me 'Mr. Kirstein' and you calling yourself a lady doesn't change anything."

Your breath hitches at his words. You don't even know if he meant it but you were definitely turned on by his dominance. "Get out," he commands again, and this time you do.

The silence starts once more as Jean leads you up a hill. His hands are in his pockets and you don't know what to do with yours. Do you grab onto him? Would it make him upset? Would he go all rogue on you again? Despite the moment you had minutes ago, you could still sense his distance.

"This is where Eren's buried." Jean comes to a stop at a nameless headstone with wilting flowers seated in front of it. "She must have not visited recently."

"Jean, I'm sorry, but I don't want to look at his...grave." You mutter. He looks down at you, wanting you to repeat what you said but considering your tone, he realizes quickly that you aren't interested in this. "Sorry...That was insensitive. Mikasa's cottage is up this way." He continues to walk but you stall for a moment.

Resentment grew as your eyes laid on Eren's headstone. You couldn't center your thoughts but all you could think was "what if...? what if...? what if...?". But what could you even "what if?" about? Had he not even thought about avenging his home, would you have ever met Jean? Was that what even mattered? Your family would still be by your side; you could go home without wondering if one day they might show up on your doorstep.

You catch up with Jean, waving your hand over your eyes to dry your eyes. Your arm brushes up against his and your fingers dance until they interlock.

"Have we ever held hands like this?" Jean comes to a pause and looks down at you. You don't answer but lean against him. He felt cozy. You would do anything to be loved like this. To be held at the end of a long day was a privilege. You wanted the world to stop for just the two of you. No Eren, no Sebas, no bullshit.

———

Mikasa seemed like the only person on this island who moved on her own accord. She didn't seem worried about courting or the latest or appropriate style. She was unmarried, young, and lived alone. You envied her.

You and Jean sat on her couch as she placed a freshly brewed pot of tea on the coffee table. The fact that she wasn't a housewife or anyone's wife was beyond you; she was delicate and cozy.

"It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard bits and pieces about Anahg," she starts. Mikasa sits down across from you and Jean, gracefully. "It's nice to meet you too. Jean was eager for me to come over," you reply.

"How are you enjoying your stay in Paradis? How long are you staying here?"

"Well, the first day has been pretty neat. I’ll be here the entire summer," you look over at Jean. Aside from Sebas's coldness, being chastised by Jean's mom, and coming across that murderer's grave, you found Paradis beautiful. It had been a long time since you got to sit and just enjoy the normalcy of everything. You longed to go into a shop or just sit in a park. The people here could just get up and visit their family if they wanted to. "This is actually the first part of my tour," you admit, "Jean's taking me out to dinner after but I like watching people go about their day here."

Mikasa nods, understanding. "How is your husband? I heard he's working with Historia. I haven't met him yet but I doubt he's coming to the nursery."

You look at Jean, panicked, and he's looking back at you with a milder version of your expression.

"Oh...sorry if I'm asking too much. I just met you. That was really inappropriate," Mikasa answers sheepishly.

"No, no, it's fine. He's-"

"He's just fine, Mikasa. He's really excited to get to know the Alliance. He actually used to be an ambassador for Anahg before..." Jean's voice trails off. For a moment, everyone is silent; you fiddle with your fingers, Jean looks off to the side, and Mikasa looks down at her tea.

"You say you work at a nursery?" You ask, breaking the silence. Mikasa looks up and nods. "That must be really nice. Something that isn't all paperwork or protecting your image."

"The kids are really sweet and if anything, they're the closest thing to family to me. Well, other than the...Alliance." The word 'Alliance' is foreign to Mikasa's mouth. You had yet to learn all about her; why that man's grave was so near her home, why she seemed so distant from the Alliance, and so on.

But when you put the questions aside, you could see yourself being her friend, ally, or someone you could learn from. She seemed like such a positive presence - the opposite of the older women in Anahg.

"Do you like kids? Would you like to come by and work with me before you go home?" Mikasa offers. Your face lights up slightly.

"I'll take you up on that offer."

———

Once the sun began to set, Jean took you down to Shiganshina for dinner.

"The streets are a little packed, don't you think? If we go eat at a restaurant, won't they turn you away?" you ask. If he could be heckled at the port, imagine what else could happen at a restaurant in a busy city.

"We'll see what happens. I haven't been to a restaurant here in a while. I eat the most on my trips, sometimes with Mikasa, or my mother will bring me something," Jean explains. "I still want to take you out to eat. I don't know if my mother is still up to make you a proper dinner after tonight and I also don't have much at the apartment."

You hum in response, not entirely comfortable with his answer. He sensed this and brushed the back of your fingers and they interlock."I will make sure this is the best night ever, hecklers or not. I won't let our night get ruined," he reassured you.

"Not to change the mood but do you mind telling me why your mother so...this morning?" You look up at Jean and then down at your feet panicked. "I mean, I mean...infidelity is wrong, yes, but..."

Jean gestures to a bench and you both walk to it. As he sits, he sighs. His eyes flitter around for a moment, looking for the best way to explain. "My father..." he chuckles before continuing. "He found someone else. It was before Marley launched their first attack on Paradis for the Founder. He was a successful man - worked with The Sheena Star and was close with all the nobles and government officials. Writing stories about their lavish lives and what they planned to do next for Paradis. I guess someone over there gave him the attention he wanted and he just packed up and left.

Wall Maria fell and years later, I made an effort to become a part of the Military Police. Maybe I'd get closer to him and understand what happened." He pauses for a moment. You place a hand on his knee, hoping he'd place his own hand over yours but he doesn't. "I guess we weren't meant to cross paths. I joined the Survey Corps, fought for Paradis, and the whole thing with Marley spiraled out. Not once did he ever reach out or acknowledge me. I am one of the most notorious people on this island and he hasn't thought once to reach out or even insult me. And sometimes that hurts." He shifts uncomfortably. "That's why my mother was on me today. I won't admit it verbally to her but she knows. She knows."

The both of you sit in silence. On your end, you were trying to come up with answers about what this meant. You watched as his body language changed and it made you wonder if he was changing his mind on the two of you or questioning his own morals.

"Alright...let's get you some food, yeah?" He stands up and offers you his hand. His eyes don't match his offer.

———

You tried your best to enjoy dinner with Jean. There were eyes on the both of you but the anxiety of other people's thoughts faded away as Jean's story kept replaying in your head.

'Were you in the wrong?' kept playing over and over and over. You seriously didn't love Sebas; if anything your marriage was of convenience. You were mentally in the wrong place but found him at the right time. There was no way you could spend more time in Marley; the opportunity to go back home was there and you took it. And you really tried - the first few months of marriage with Sebas were perfect. With his status and ambition, you were kept busy and happy. But all that went to shit before Jean came to visit you and with the arguments and pettiness about a child that hasn't even been conceived yet, things were expected to take a plunge.

You met Jean first and began to love him during your time in Marley. You found him again and that spark was still there. Will you still face scrutiny if you just divorced Sebas? What do you gain...or lose? To Paradians, Jean and the Alliance are enemies of the state. By association, could you handle the heckling and the looks?

"Hey, hey. Is Y/N home?" You're awakened from your thoughts by Jean poking your arm. You jump, startled by the fact that you through an entire rabbit hole without being mindful of your surroundings. He had taken you back to his apartment to just relax. Your first day on Paradis was...something.

"Sorry, I was...I was just thinking," you mutter. You slowly sit up on his couch. Now that you were out of your head, you chose to look down and play with your fingers. Jean smiles apologetically and sits beside you. "Do you want some tea? It'd help you relax," he offers in a sing-song voice. He places a hand on your knee and leans closer to you. You chuckle at his behavior. This is what you wanted - a husband who cared about your well-being.

"No, I'm alright. I'm stuffed from the restaurant," you start. He begins to pull away. "But I could use a kiss if it's fine with you?" Jean looks at your face with a small smile. "Of course it is." He cups your face and pecks your lips.

"That won't do. I'll need something a little stronger to make this day feel a little better." You pull him in for another and this time it's more passionate. Jean's hands find your waist and dance all over your lower back. He pulls away once more and you whine. "No, no, no." He places one finger on your lips. "I'm not done with you."

Jean stands up and takes your hand. He leads you to what's supposed to be his bedroom. "I don't think he'll be back for a while...so we'll finally get some uninterrupted time." You chuckle at his joke. You both never really got time to yourselves. Despite the guilt you felt, you wanted to take advantage of your current situation. "Take me, Jean. I'm yours."

Jean kisses you from your jaw all the down to your clavicle. His hands explore your lower back and hips. They find their way back to your torso and pull the strings holding up your dress, causing it to drop and sit on your petticoat. Jean goes ahead and moves that down too before having you lay on his bed. He gets on his knees, pulls your underwear aside, and starts lapping at your core. You writhe against him, mewling for more.

Once you've had enough, you push his head away and sit up. "I need you in me now," you cry. Jean looks up at you worried. "You feel ready? I don't want to hurt you." You nod, your eyes pleading for him. Jean stands up and twirls his finger. "Flip over for me." You do so, looking back at him just to make sure he does what you ask.

And he does. Jean is pressed up against your back; he rubs himself against your core before entering.

On your first day, you were already feeling wishful; you had the whole summer to sneak around and have fun but you wished this could last a lifetime. You wish you could be Mrs. Kirstein and be by Jean’s side as he negotiates with the world. You could intimate with him anywhere and anytime you wanted - in his apartment, a boat, anywhere in this broken world.

Your wishes are interrupted by your immediate release. Jean rolls off of you and lays on his back. He observes you as you slowly collect yourself. You turn on your side and scoot closer to him. Your hand finds his chest and your nose and lips kiss his shoulder. “I wish I waited for you,” you say quietly.

Just as he opened his lips to respond, the door flies open, and in the doorframe is Sebas, red in the face. The sight of him caused you two to freeze, unable to scramble to coverup or find an excuse.

“I don’t even know where to start.” Sebas walks up to your side of the bed and lifts you by your arm. “I knew there was something wrong with you…you Jezebel,” he sneers, “I’d rather you play the game and give me what I want, then maybe, just maybe, you’d get whatever you’re looking for. Put your clothes on and get out of my sight.” He lets go of your arm and you look up at him, eyes watering. “Now!” You quickly get off the bed and search for your clothes on the floor before taking your leave. Once you’re under the doorframe, you can’t help but give Jean an apologetic look.

“So…you started helping my country to screw my wife?” Sebas questions. Jean looks down, not sure of how to answer his question. “You know what, don’t answer that. I’ll get her to open up.” He paces around. “It’s all starting to make sense.” Sebas lets out a chuckle as he begins to piece everything together. “In exchange for ruining my marriage, Anahg will no longer be involved with the Alliance…and I will ruin you, Jean Kirstein. I will let the world know that you’re a full-blown traitor.”

———

Dear Jean,

Your hearing is still this upcoming fall.

I don’t think the case of love or any form of mistreatment against Mrs. Abe will help your case, I’m sorry. Mr. Abe was a powerful man before the Rumbling and after the Rumbling. Even though I am your friend, I can’t even defend your affair in front of Historia’s panel. You and Mrs. Abe’s actions have cost us a partnership with a country that’s establishing itself faster than the ones dissolved by the Rumbling. It also makes us look bad and we’ll definitely need to find a procedure that assures our future partnerships that they won’t lose a spouse for the sake of their country.

Please find something to do as a job and quickly. Better boost your image now before the verdict is decided and made public.

Again, I’m sorry,

Armin Arlert