#Everything was relatively fine im just so worried. Why the fuck do i get panic attacks over this everytime

[thekingofchungus]

t shirt that says i heart reoccuring nightmares

[zachsreaderinserts]

c! philza and c! technoblade x reader who has a panic attack

i can’t even say that im upset with how specific this is bc it just works (also i kinda changed it a lil up for phil’s bc i was inspired to do something)

tw for abuse (mental and physical) and panic attacks

wc: 1,150

C! PHILZA

you normally don’t argue with anyone! in fact, you have a tendency to avoid arguments for the sake of your mental health. and phil was typically a more passive person, so you two had gotten on pretty well.

however, one night you’re late to come home. like, incredibly late. almost three hours pas the time you normally come home.

phil? he’s super stressed. from the loss of wilbur, he’s grown to be more protective of his family and friends and that includes you. his foot would not stop bouncing and he couldn’t help that his head keeps snapping to the clock next to the couch.

the front door finally opened and you stumbled inside, looking deliriously tired. phil shoots up off the couch and meets you before you could start heading towards your room.

“where have you been? i asked techno, ghostbur, and tommy and they all told me they haven’t seen you since you entered l’manberg earlier!”

you looked down, unsure of what to say. you can’t exactly explain what was happening, it would just bring more danger to everyone involved.

so you flounder for the words, not looking phil in the eyes as he waited for your reply. and when you just settle for a simple shrug, he feels irritation build in his chest.

“you’re not even gonna tell me?”

you steel yourself. you can’t let him know. so you look up with a glare and shake your head soundlessly, telling him that you weren’t gonna budge. and phil is now officially pissed off.

at every attempt he tries to pry an answer out of you, you respond with hostility, practically asking him to just drop it.

the fight escalates slowly as you go up the stairs and you turn around just in time as phil gestures passive aggressively at you.

you can’t hear anything, you can’t see anything other than a faint glimpse of a hand hitting you at one point and you crumbled backwards, eyes wide and tearing up.

“pl-- please don’t hit me, i didn’t-- i didn’t do anything, i swear!”

phil recoils backwards at your shriek, watching as you scrambled away from him and into the nearest wall, curling into a ball. 

“dream, pleas-- please, i promise!”

and the sound of a name he was far too familiar with, everything clicks in his head. this has something to do with a certain blonde manipulative mother fucker.

he walked forwards softly and crouches in front of you, noticing your tears and the fact that you’re shaking so hard he could feel the ground moving slightly. he settles his hand lightly on your knee, shushing you when you jump.

“i’m here. it’s only us, and i will make sure nothing ever hurts you. you’re safe with me.”

he keeps repeating the words, until they finally reach your muddled mind and you begin to breathe softer and slower. after five minutes of him calming you down, you lean into his touch and wipe away your tears.

now that he knew you were in the right frame of mind, he didn’t hesitate to lunge forward and pull you into a smothering hug. with your head on his shoulder, he tucked his own into your neck and let out tears of relief.

“please tell me what’s going on.”

how can you say no to that?

you spill out that dream has been threatening you, him, and the rest of his family, and has used it to make you fulfill tasks he felt like he didn’t want to do. you admitted to the mental and physical abuse, watching phil get more infuriated as you said this.

at the end, he pulls you in for hug again and sears that he, tommy, and techno are going to handle this.

C! TECHNOBLADE

you and techno are relatively okay with communication, considering he’s not too into being super vulnerable with you and you’re the same way

but the next few days, you notice that techno wasn’t coming home as often as he used to. he would come late at night, covered in blood and just take a shower and go straight to bed.

obviously, the first few times, you let him go without confrontation. if he wanted to tell you, he can. you weren’t obligated to know everything he does. that’s how your trust works.

but after almost a week of it, you were growing curious and worried. what could he be doing?

one night, you stopped him before he could move up the stairs by grabbing him by the wrist.

“hey, blade, are you alright? i’m worried about you.”

he turned around and looked at you, jaw tensing slightly. that was the first sign he was hiding something from you.

“i’m fine, why?”

you weren’t just gonna take that for an answer and began to pester him the entire way to your hared bedroom. he would respond in short and choppy answers, shaking his head the entire way.

eventually he just snaps out of irritation and whirls around, face contorted angrily.

“just drop it! fucking drop it, it’s none of your business where i go or what i do!”

techno was unaware of this, but when he got angry, his body language got extremely aggressive and defensive.

so when he turned on you with hunched shoulders and eyes glinting dangerously, you stumbled back so hard that you bashed your elbow into the wall.

techno would’ve gone on with his day had it not been for the fear in your face and how quickly you slid down the wall and cradled your head, with muffled begs of him not to hurt you.

he was on knees instantly, awkwardly holding your hands and attempting to ground you and make sure that you were okay. though he was covered in blood, you found comfort in the texture of his hands against yours and slowly eased into his embrace.

by the time you could think clearly again, you found your tears being wiped away and techno hunching over you as if he were protecting you from anything and anybody else.

“i’m so sorry i caused you to react like that.” he hums when he sees you in the right state of mind. “i’m so, so sorry.”

you do your best to comfort him back, telling him it wasn’t his fault. that night was when you unloaded past trauma, telling him about an abusive past that you were trying to move away from

he’s never felt guiltier about anything before.

techno helps you to stand and you both take a nice, long shower together (mostly to get the blood off of you both but also to make sure you’re well cared for) before heading off to bed.

once again, techno is curling his entire body around yours protectively and holding you with such an iron grip that you know nothing bad will ever come to you again.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[2dmenenthusiast]

Request: [@wnderwater ] Oh it’s a shame I was your first request I love your aizawa stuff but may I have hcs (or scenario if you feel like it) for aizawa with an s/o that has a habit of making sure everythig is clean & tidy because messy cramped places make her anxious bc as a kid she hated how her neglectful parents let their home become messy and she became claustrophobic and one day the guys only find out that she’s so badly affected by tight spaces when they get stuck in an elevator or closet and she starts to panic

Omg literally I am so sorry this took forever to get to I’ve just been hella stressed and busy and ugh. But things have calmed down now since Christmas is over (until new years) so please don’t let this deter you all from requesting lmao. Anyway, thank you bubs for requesting again and thank you for liking my Aizawa fics. I honestly love writing for that grump lol. (also sorry I couldnt make this a whole scenrio I wanted to get this out for you and im literally exhausted) Anyway let’s get on with it.

first thing first, I’m not claustrophobic so I hope I write this well lol

but for you lovelies that might relate-

you didn’t tell Aizawa about your phobia for cramped spaces when you first started going out

you didn’t tell him at all actually

he found out for himself {the observant bastard)

he didn’t find out right away though.

He would notice times where you’d both be in the elevator at the school, and you would kinda shift and just look really uncomfortable

He always asked if you were okay, and you’d tell him you were fine (but in reality you were praying the ride up and down the floors would just end already as you fidgeted with your hands to try nd distract yourself)

You never mentioned your past to him either

sure he’d caught bits and pieces whenever you accidently let something slip or had a bit too much to drink, or during the rare occasions where you actually opened up about certain things you liked to keep to yourself.

But he only knew a few things for sure

1. your parents weren’t the greatest

2. you couldn’t stand clutter

the second one he didn’t have to pry out of you to know, he saw it with his own eyes everytime you came over and would try to discretely tidy up his place

now, aizawa was a relatively clean guy

sure he napped in a sleeping bag and looked homeless most of the time, but he kept his house clean and showered regularly, so whenever you came over and immediately started picking up his discarded things, he honestly felt kinda bad

Was he too messy? Did he digust you?

Oh god please reassure this baby

If he confronts you about it, you do let him know why you constantly tidy up

and hey dont worry, he’ll try to understand. He’s just glad it doesnt really have anything to do with him.

from then on, he’ll make sure to pick up a bit whenever he knows you’re coming over so he’s not unintentionally kinda stressing you out.

this grumpy man cares about you and will do whatever to make you feel comfortable

when you come over one day and the place is all nice and neat, he’s just kinda standing there looking at you while you look around like

“Did I do okay? Are you comfortable?”

and you just give him a big ol’ smooch. like yes baby, thank you

still he doesn’t really know you’re claustrophobic until you both are in the elevator at the school one day

of course, it’s already uncomfortble as it is

but then the lights flicker, and the elevator jostles before suddenly stopping and- oh no

you’re trapped. You’re stuck in this metal death box and you’re never getting out

so you’re like, internally freaking out, right?

and aizawa just sighs, pressing the emergency button a few times as he just stands there like this is just a daily occurrence

but this isn’t a minor inconvenience for you. Sure, you’ll look back on this later and think “Oh god, I was so ridiculous then.”

but right now?

Yeah, you feel like the metal walls are about to cave in and fucking crush you

you place a hand on the wall and feel the cool surface against your skin, trying to feel something to ground you in the reality that everything will be fine. someone will come and get you and you’ll go on with your day

but your mind is just like “Nope, sorry.”

Now aizawa’s looking at you, and you know you’re starting to show signs of how anxious you feel

you’re breathing heavy, and you duck your head down to try and calm down but nothing is working

and of course aizawa can just immediately pick up on what’s wrong because he’s attentive and perfect and oh god pls marry me sir

Ahem anyway

Mans is immediately by your side, asking you what’s wrong and what he can do to make your feel better

and he’s pissed at this point because why the fuck isn’t anyone getting you both out of here

can’t they understand that his partner is in distress?!

so he just

gently takes your face in his hands and makes you look at him like-

“Hey, I’m right here, y/n. Just focus on me, okay? just listen to my voice.”

and it’s honestly working? He’s a perfect distraction from the thoughts going wild in your head and wow have his eyes always been this beautiful?

By the time someone finally rescues the both of you, you’ve calmed down a bit now, but aizawa still rushes you out of the elevator and takes you to the teachers lounge so that you can rest and have some water

he then insists that you go home

and you’re just like “uhh I’m fine? Seriously I’ll be okay.”

but he insists of course. it’s not that he doesn’t think you can do your job, he’s just worried

after a bit of convincing, he finally relents

From then on whenever you take the elevator, he makes sure he’s with you in case something happens again, even though Nezu has assured him the issue has been fixed

[qweeby]

Nine Lives To Short Part 2: A Hero Confronts the Hypothetical

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡💔💔

Paring: Hitoshi x Reader

Genre: Angst

Tag @foxypuppy

Plot: You only have 9 days to tell him how you feel....but maybe 9 days just isn't enough

"Please be ok please be ok!" that plea kept replaying in the mind of Histoshi Shinsou as he is sitting in the waiting room of the hospital.

He thinks about your soft touch, your sweet voice and your unforgettable laugh as tears stream down his eyes his voice breaking "please be ok....please..."

The entire room is quiet....tap tap tap tap is the only thing that can be heard and its coming from Shinsou as his left leg is violent shaking.

"Shinsou....?"

The entrance to the waiting room opens it's Kaminari and Mr. Aizawa, Denki rushes to Shinsou then begins to pat him down, patting his face and chest "YOU'RE OK RIGHT NOTHING IS BROKEN RIGHT!"

Shinsou brushes Kaminari off, " I'm fine it's not me you should me worried about....it's y/n she's the one in real pain".

Aizawa puts his hand ontop of Shinsou head rubbing his hair making it messy. "Yeah but that doesn't mean you aren't hurting to kid... it's ok to cry it won't make you any less of a hero.

Shinsou looks down " I just need to see her".

Kaminari sits next to Shinsou asking "How long have you been here, Hitoshi?

"About 5 an hours, after I ran Y/n to her parents and they called the ambulance, we came here and the doctor said that the parents can come with them but friends and other relatives were to stay here".

Suddenly Hitoshi sees your parents walking down are walking down the hall he jumps up quickly and makes his way towards them in a panic.

" Is y/n ok! What happened to her! C-can I see her please!" Hitoshi is frantically blurting out all of the questions that been on his mind of the pass 5 hours until your dad stops him.

"Woah woah calm down there Hitoshi, Y/n is fine she just need rest we actually came out here so we can take you home".

Shinsou tenses up shocked that after all that waiting he's just going home with seeing you.

He was not gonna let that happen.

" Home?...... HOME! THERE NO WAY IM GOING BACK HOME AND I DONT HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE IF Y/N IS DOING OK! I-....I have to see for myself.

Aizawa steps up, " Last time I checked Recovery girl was sent here to help Y/n with her injuries so she should be up"

Kaminari holds up his hand trying to put his two cents in " Plus he's been waiting 5 whole hours".

Your mom hangs her head "Yes that is true but....y/n is gonna need more than just kiss to feel better".

Your father begins to sweat as Shinsou glares him with anger in his eyes, everyone in the room begins the feel Shinsou's uneasiness.

"Let me ask you a question sir".

Your father gulps "Yes, Hitoshi?".

His pupils begin to dilate as Shinsou uses his quirk and asks the question " What's happening with your daughter".

Kaminari quickly grabs Shinsou pulling him back, " Dude! Are you crazy you can go around using your quirk on people!".

" IM NOT GONNA STAND HERE WHY THEY LEAVE ME IN THE DARK! I NEED ANSWERS!"

" Y/n's quirk....is hurting her shmmh-" before your dad can finish his sentence Aizawa stares at Shinsou erasing his quirk while simultaneously your mom covers your dad's mouth.

" Hitoshi! Control yourself Now"

Hitoshi shoves Kaminari back as her runs pass the three adults to y/n's room.

" Wait Toshi! You...don't even know where her room is...".

Aizawa sighs " Leave him Kaminari, right now I'm gonna need you to step outside" he angrily glares at your mother and father "I need to a meeting with some parents".

.

.

.

Meanwhile Hitoshi is running though the hallway is he searching for your room " Where is it..HA! Found it!.

Hitoshi kicks open your the hospital door.

" Y/N!" You jump and scream " AHHHH! What the HELL HITOSHI YOU CAN'T DO THAT WHAT IF YOU BROKE IT".

Right now all Shinsou wants to do is to hug you and hold you and never let you go but...

He just stands there and yells.

"You're such a God Damn lair!"

"...who told you-".

" APPARENTLY NOT YOU! WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET S QUIRK FROM! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN HURTING YOU?!"

You sit up and take a beep breath, "My quirk developed last week I didn't know how I was gonna tell you".

" LAST WEEK!? THEN THAT MEANS.....t-that means..."

-Hitoshi thinks back to last week after school when he was training with Aizawa-

" Hey Mr. Aizawa Hey hey" you eagerly jump around the tired teacher circling him. " What is it now kid?"

" Can you use your quirk on me?"

Shinsou spits out his water " ppppfffft why would he do that it literally won't do anything".

You turn to Shinsou pouting " yeahh but sero says when that when you get you quirk erase it's like your soul leaves you body".

Shinsou squints his eyes at you " I think Sero was high when he told you that".

Aizawa rubs his eyes and grunts.

"Ugh! Fine come here kid but after this I don't wanna hear anything come out of you mouth until we are done training".

You nod while standing still as Mr. Aizawa uses his quirk on you but no it looks like nothing happened.

Hitoshi chuckles " See told you it would work" he looks at you and see the look of utter disappointment and defeat. " What's with the face cat?"

" I was just really hoping that something....anything would happen but...oh well".

You smack you face as you give Shinsou a big thumbs up " You gotta ge back to training-mmmpfh-!"

Aizawa wraps you up his his cloth like a mummy and gives you to Present Mic

"Here Hizashi here hold the kid"

" YOU GOT IT SHO!"

Shinsou could help but laugh at the whole situation while you freak out the Mic's arms.

-He then thinks about how you acting at lunch during that same day-

" Hey Y/n you not gonna eat?" Kaminari askes while shoving fish sticks in his mouth.

"Oh umm I'm not really hungry"

"You aren't? But I haven't seen you eat anything all day are you sure?"

"Yeah Hitoshi I'm ok".

Bakugo the reaches across the table to get in your face " HUHHH THE LITTLE KITTY DOSEN'T WANNA EATTTT? I BET IF CAT BOY OVER HERE FED YOU, YOU WOULD EAT IT ALL UP!"

You and Bakugo clash foreheads.

" SHUT UP YOU FERAL POMERANIAN"

"GRRRR....THE FUCK YOU JUST CALL ME YOU QUIRKLESS LOSER!".

Kirishima walks to the table smiling simultaneously as he sits down saying "Man it looks like it's raining cats and dogs over here".

" SHUT YOUR TRAP YOU POINTY TEETH DIMWIT!" You Bakugo scream at Kirishima at the same time then go back to arguing with each other " STOP COPYING ME!".

Shinsou watches as you don't eat anything but shrugs it off as you going on a diet.

Hitoshi falls to his knees shaking, his voice breaking.

" THAT FUCKING QUESTION WASN'T JUST A HYPOTHETICAL WAS IT!"

You get off your bed as you sit in front of him, "No it wasn't ".

"I so fucking stupid Y/n..."

You slow reach your hand to grab Hitoshi "No...don't say that..."

"But it's true! Can't you see!

Shinsou raises his head looking at you his eyes bloodshot red, see him like that startled you , so you back up but then hes says something that made you hate yourself.

"....How can I ever be a hero if I can't even save one person...I'm so weak"

Tears begin to fall down your eyes seeing your best crumble apart by your actions, you jump into Shinsou's arms crying repeatedly saying " I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry".

You feel bad for Shinsou as he may have come across one of the most hardiest trail of being a hero.

How can a hero save someone that doesn't wanna be saved....

You and Hitoshi press forehead's and stare at one other but then...you look at Hitoshi but his face begin so switch between blurry and not until everything is completely blurry in your left eye.

"S-shinsou..."

He sniffs and rubs his nose, " Yeah y/n".

"I....I can't see"....

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡💔💔

Y/n has lost her 2nd life as another day draws near. Jow can Shinsou save the unsaveable? Will y/n ever confess in time and end her suffering.....will y/n's eye sight be the only thing she loses?.... 9 days won't be enough

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

okay so i sent part two to the curtis one but instead it’s reader getting hurt and either chris/curtis/ari are scolding her but careful of not hurting her feelings while taking care of her?💕

A/N- I hope this is all good for you babes, I do love writing for Ari. Hes a frustrating bastard at times though. lol. Love always Babes <3 

Somehow You all pulled it off.

You don't know how, those last moments Ari stood in front of the man, pointing at the wave of people, fear and desperation filling the air with a tension ready to snap at any moment. “Then you choose! Cause I sure as hell can’t.”

The voices, it rose like a wave pleading, please let them on. They will die. Ari and Sam looked like they were just about ready to jack the plane themselves if they could get away with it, Kadabes hands pressed together in a plea to the man telling them they would have to find another way, Racheal next to you held her breath in those seconds waiting. Even Walter looked thrown off with the ridiculousness that was wasting precious time.

Guys, what are we doing? Cause they are coming in fast. Max's voice is static filled over the walkie, and Ari arched his brow in challenge at the military man on the airplane. “So, PICK! who gets to die?” The man looked flustered, trying to repeat what he said earlier. “Im-im sorry, but there just isn't the room for everyone.”

“Fuck this” Sammy growls out and he rushes past the man and starts ripping out seating and tossing them. Rachel and Ari rush up to help, Walter to. You join them and start going up the line, getting the seats loose for others to toss them out. Kadabe starts encouraging people to get up the ramp and push to the back of the plane. Max jogs up and rushes up. “We gotta go now” Looking over your shoulder, the vehicles are coming up on the plane and your weaving through the remaining people to attempt to get them to move.

Were never gonna make it. A touch of panic rises in your throat, burning bile you swallow back because you don’t have the time, none of you have the time. You can hear Ari towards the front waving a hand to get your attention. “Y/N, is everyone on?!”

“Yes, go! go! go!” you duck as you hear ricochet of bullets off in the distance, and you fall into the crowd, twisting to watch the back of the plane start to shut as its so fucking slowly starting to move. The trucks they just pull closer, and your hearts racing like its gonna explode in your chest.

Then there are sparks above your head and all of you duck to try to avoid that barrage of remaining bullets flying until the door closes for good and the whoosh of the plane lifting made your stomach drop. Somewhere in the front you hear a panicked voice near the cockpit. “Were gonna hit” and the plane shuddered, tipping slightly and straightening. Your hold on anothers shirt loosened, and you fell back for a moment to catch your senses back, everything in panic mode.

Jake shifted through the people and loomed over you. “Hey, you okay Y/N?” You give a nod and move to a sit, holding your hand up to him, which he grasped and yanked you into a stand.

“We did it... didn't we?” You're still in shock as you look around, all over people were huddled with one another, packed into the plane like sardines, all of you. And you were fucking relieved. In the cockpit you see Sammy and Ari pop out, quietly talking to passengers as they passed, checking out people to be sure everyone was relatively fine. You follow suit and after a while, you collapse opposite of Sam, his head tipped back.

“Was there any doubt?” You ask him, and his eye slits open, and a shake of his head as Rachel comes to join him, sliding down the wall and letting her head fall to his shoulder. “That Ari would pull this off?”

“Yea” you ask softly, seeing Ari make his way back towards you guys, now his face showed his weariness, but he continued to check in with passengers. Sammy is watching his friend too, rubbing his hands together out of habit when he was thinking, easing some of the pain his injured hand was usually in. “Once Ari gets it in his mind to get something done, it's better for everyone just to step out of the way.” He went back to silence as Ari approached them, and you shifted over, so he could settle in next to you, one leg bent to hook an arm over.

Kabade sat nearby, his hand pressed against the wound Sammy had done his best within the circumstance. “Thank you, you saved us all.” He said to the group, and Ari just gave a small smile to him. Your head to leaned against his arm, letting your eyes close for just a minute you tell yourself, just gonna close my eyes. Soon your body sunk further into Ari as it became more than just a minute.

Ari was still to tense, but your softness pressed into him, and he looked down in surprise to see your lashes swept low on your cheek, and your mouth slightly parted to sigh in your sleep. Careful not to jostle you, his hand slipped in his pocket, and pulled out a drawing.

Would she still remember him? His face screwed up, his finger tracing the wax of the crayons that formed her image, picturing his little girl he left with her mother. Where she was safe, safe from his life, and safe from him. Careful to fold the paper back up, he tucked it back into his pants pocket, and let his head lean against yours. There was no sleep for him, even though exhaustion had caught up, shaking slightly from it. He simply took comfort in you being with him, leaning into him when so often you tried not to depend on anyone. He was just glad to not be alone in a plane filled with survivors.

Hours later when landing, it was chaotic for a while, ambulances getting filled, emergency personnel trying to clean up the worst wounds, and figure out the seriousness. Ari followed Kabade to make sure he was sent off with reassurances that they would return, this wasn't over. You stood off to the side, reassuring any who approached you that you were fine, although you knew you had to look a mess. You felt filthy head to toe with sand and blood. The parts that ached, they were now just a part of the background noise in your mind.

Ari though, he caught sight of you, and reached in the back of an emergency vehicle to grab a first aid kit, long crook of his finger drawing you forward. “Ari, I'm fine.”

“Get your ass over here Y/N.” he sighed and you grinned at him before pushing off the wall you were leaning against for a breather and approaching him, his hands grasped your waist and lifted you to perch on the tail end of the vehicle. His large hands cupped your face and tipped your head, hissing softly between his teeth parting your hair where the blood had pooled and dried. “Got yourself a good scrap side of your head Love.” He let go and popped open the kit, digging through the contents. You watched over his shoulder, watching as the last of the refugees mingled waiting to be told what to do.

“Why didn't you say anything to Sammy Y/N?” He knew exactly why, but Ari couldn't help but worry about you a little more than the others. You who would curl in his side in the early dusty sunbeam mornings, mumbling about five more minutes in his neck, all before the resort came to life with its guests, the one who insisted he participate in the diving activities, even though he was convinced a shark would bite him, the one who would sit at the fire on the beach, urging another song from Sammy. You who kept him fucking sane when he was forced to wait for the next group of refugees. It was gonna hurt to say goodbye now that the mission was finished.

“Because I'm not that important, there were others hurt worst then I was.” You said and he scowled shaking his head at you. How fucking wrong you were. He thought to himself, but knew better than to argue with you about it. 

“How soon you going to be headed back Ari?” You ask, without any accusation or sadness. When you agreed to join Ari on this mission, and as a companion, you knew there wasn't a forever. It was then and now. Ari lived in that moment, and his life was never actually his. It was his next rescue mission. Others would always be more important than those in front of him. His eyes darted to yours hearing your question, and continued cleaning you up. “Tomorrow, next week, 6 months from now. Whenever I convince Ethan I'm meant to be in the field.” He pulled away and tossed the used supplies in the ambulance, giving a deep sigh and a lopsided smile.

“All cleaned up Love... Let's not worry about that. How about we get showers, eat some greasy food, and crash in bed for the next 24 hours?” When you looked at him, sure he wasn't yours to keep. But he was yours for now, according to him at least the next 24 hours.

“Why the hell not, but you're buying us the expensive room.”

[avengersassemble-fics]

What Is It about You?

part 05/10 “coincidence”

masterlist

previous part

word count 2.8k

an: yea um..... this one is a tad shorter im sorry!! but we’re finally seeing a bit more interaction between kylo and reader so hopefully that's fine with y’all?? omg we’re getting to the goods AH

The silence that filled the room was both uncomfortable and welcomed. Uncomfortable because you sat on your bed and the Commander paced around the room, and welcomed because you didn’t know what to say. Neither did he apparently. You weren’t sure if the fact he had nothing to say worried you, or made you ecstatic that this really could just be nothing. But there he was, he paced back and forth in front of you with his hands behind his back and staring at the ground. He had put his shirt back on, thankfully, and marched around your quarters.

It was nothing. It was truly nothing.

Suddenly he stopped, and rushed to you, grasping your shoulders in his large hands, and shook you roughly, “For once can you just stop your incessant thinking!”

He released you but you gaped at him in shock. He began to pace the room once more, and ignored your stare. Your fist balled at your side as you now stared at the wall. Fury rose in you as he truly had made your blood boil. Of all the people in the galaxy you were stuck with, it just had to be him. The most incessant, irritating, self-centered, anger ridden man you had ever had the fucking luck of coming on contact with. If you could go back in time and refuse this assignment, you would.

You glanced his way when you had finally noticed he stopped his paces, and found him to be staring at you. You scoffed, and looked back to the wall.

“What now,” you mumbled.

“What are you doing,” he asked. You shrugged.

“What, like you can’t hear me,” the last two words came out in a mimicked voice. He rolled his eyes.

“I can’t actually,” he paused when you looked back at him, “you’re silent for once.”

“That’s too bad, I was hoping you could hear every name I was calling you,” you said in a sarcastic tone. He raised his hand like he was going to say something but balled it into a fist, he decided it wasn’t worth his time to argue with you. He grumbled and turned his back to you.

“I have heard stories, about something like this,” he started, and you shifted a bit to view his back in full, “but it’s never been seen, not for generations.”

“What is it?” You asked.

He turned to look at you, but shook his head, “It’s not possible. It can only occur between two Force-sensitive people, you? You’re just,” he paused and you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Just what,” you egged him on.

“No one. You are no one. You come from nothing, so you are nothing.” He said simply. He walked over to his robe and proceeded to put it on, also putting his lightsaber back onto his hip. He could feel your stare on his back, and heard you stand from your position.

“You may think I’m nothing,” you laughed a bit, and shook your head, “what about you? You hide behind that mask, that name, like it’s a shield. I can accept my past. . . But can you?”

It was relatively insightful, your words, and he had turned around to see you finish your sentence. He stood there for a moment, and you thought he would retaliate, but he didn’t. Instead he glanced you over and marched to the door. As it slid open he paused only for a moment, but slid his helmet on into place and left you alone.

The question you weren’t directly asking him did make his mind wonder as he headed for his personal quarters. His stomp made people turn to look but carry on as if they feared him. They probably did. And he relished in that fact. His mind had wandered before he found himself in his familiar space, and removed his helmet once more. His hair fell freely around his face and he gripped his helmet in one of his hands, and stared at it for a few moments.

It was intricate in design. He took great pride in his work. It was meant to be menacing, it wasn’t just a mask he hid behind. No no not at all. It was him. He was Kylo Ren. The strongest of the Knights of Ren. It was all him.

He had a special place for his helmet, and it went there perfectly displayed. He detached his robe and folded it neatly away, and his lightsaber went perfectly by his helmet. He removed both of his boots and sat in a chair, and grabbed hold of his datapad to scour through something. He needed to know.

He typed away as he worked to pull up a particular file. He had never looked into it, but the revelations today felt as if it was time. He easily pulled up your file and began to skim through it. Most of the information he knew, so it was a fast read. What was odd though, was this record was only four years old years old. The Academy they often recruited from was a six year program, and you stated you had been on Starkiller for two years. It even said it here. He set the datapad down on his leg as he processed that information.

Something was not adding up. With this and today’s events in his mind, he grumbled a bit to himself. The presence ehe felt inside your mind, he knew it far too well; he had felt it in his too many times. His master's involvement puzzled him, and he was sure he would be requesting his presence soon about his part in pushing him from your mind.

Whatever it was, it made him. . . Uneasy.

- - - - - - - - - -

You didn’t see the Commander after that for quite a few days. You were cleared to return to work, but not scheduled to return to Starkiller for another day. For now, you were assigned a desk job and the time was passing by slower than you had hoped for.

In all honesty, the lack of his presence around you, and in your mind, was troubling. Why? You didn’t really know why, but you seemed to be blocking your thoughts from him either way, so maybe this was for the better. Whatever this is, you want no part in it. You just want to return to your duties, and be done with everything on this Finalizer.

Your shift was finally coming to an end. You relished in the sudden freedom and was on your way to maybe get something to eat when suddenly you were pulled to the side into an empty room.

“What-” you were cut off by the sight of the Stormtrooper you were suddenly becoming friends with, you shook your head at him, “-what are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, he had his helmet on his hip, “I messed up, on Jakku, I disobeyed orders and they saw-”

“Who? Who saw? What are you talking about?” You asked between his rambles. He took a deep breath.

“Ren ordered us to fire on those villagers and I-I didn’t. I couldn’t. Phasma saw me. He saw me too.”

You looked at him with sincerity, because the fear in his eyes made something in you twitch. You knew what he was trying to say. You knew what may happen to him.

“Why are you telling me this, Finn?” You asked.

“The Resistance pilot, he’s here,” you blinked at him and he shifted, “I’m. . I’m going to help him escape.”

“You’re gonna do what,” you asked, and he tried to hush you, “that’s insane! If they get ahold of you-”

“They won’t,” he cut you off, “I just. . I know they won't.”

You stared at him as you let his revelations sink in, and then he grabbed your arm, “Come with me.”

“What?”

“The First Order, what they’re doing, what they’re planning--it isn’t right!” He said. You abruptly shook your head.

“No I-”

“What’s stopping you?” he asked suddenly. You stopped the shaking of your head to stare at him, and he continued, “I see how you’re treated. And they didn’t even care when you almost died.”

“I can never support the Resistance,” you quickly spat, and took your arm from his grasp, “what they stand for, what they came from. No. . Never.”

His eyes turned into soft glares, “For peace? Freedom?”

“The New Republic destroyed my home,” you said, “they took everything from me. My world, my people, my family,” you shook your head and saw his eyes begin to soften, “I can’t. I won’t.”

Silence fell between you two, and your friend grimaced at you, he looked to his helmet and said, “Are you going to stop me?”

It was a loaded question, and he looked back up to meet your eyes. You sighed a bit and closed your eyes for a moment to process it, before you met his eyes again.

“No.”

You didn’t know if your answer took him by surprise, but the moment the word settled into his mind he embraced you in a hug. You stood there for a moment as his arms were around you, before you carefully wrapped your around him, and patted his armour. He released you after a couple of seconds and nodded at you.

“If you change your mind. . .”

“Yeah, right,” you said knowingly. He slid his helmet back on and disappeared out the door, and with one final look at you he disappeared. You stepped out of the room as well and stood in the middle of people’s way for a moment as you began to process what just happened. It took you a couple of moments before you started back on the path you were on. Food. You would just get some food and ignore the fact you knew a stormtrooper was about to attempt to break out a resistance prisoner.

You made it to a mess hall and grabbed something you could easily carry back to your temporary quarters. Just to keep your pace, you could make it. Only a few minutes had passed, there was no need to panic. That would make you look guilty-

The ship shook and everyone around you stopped to balance themselves. The alarms started to sound and you sighed to yourself. Just one day. All you want is one day without anything extraordinary happening to you, or around you! Just back to the way things were a couple weeks ago!

People rushed around you and you were quick to head back to your quarters. If you could just get there and seemingly ignore the chaos around you then you would be a happy happy camper. The ship lurked again, the floor beneath you shook in a violent manner and you cursed the stormtrooper for his Resistance favoring consciousness. But if what he told you was right, maybe he could survive with them. He wouldn’t against Phasma. Or Ren for that matter.

You finally made it back and relaxed against the door. There were a few more shakes but the ship finally settled. You started to pace your room, and chomped away at the apple you had grabbed to quench your hunger. You grew on edge when you swore you could feel Ren’s presence near your door. The anxiety, the frustration, anger. . . It was him alright.

You moved to the door before it could be thrown open on its own and pushed the button for it to open freely. There he stood, in his dark robes and helmet, on the other side and stared at you. You bit into your apple as you met his stare before turning back around to pace in your quarters.

“How did you tell it was me-”

“Because you ooze self deprecation,” you cut him off. He came into your quarters, fist twisted.

“I’m not in the mood for your comments,” he said, and you turned back to face him.

“Then why are you here, Commander?” You asked.

“Because I know you came in contact with trooper FN-2187 before he broke the Resistance pilot from out capture,” he shouted, and you froze, “did you help him?”

“What? No! Of course not!”

He let out an unimpressed hm, and looked around your space. It wasn’t much to look at, but he did glance it over.

“So. . . That’s it? Are you going to dispose of me? Turn me over to Phasma?”

He looked back to you and stared at you silently for a few moments. You grew uncomfortable so took another bite of the apple in your hand, which finally made him shake his head.

“I deleted the footage,” he said. You suddenly inhaled, the piece of apple went down the wrong tube and you sputtered because of it. It definitely was not an answer you had expected. He watched you cough and pat your chest as you regain your composure, and he audibly sighed.

“You’re hopeless,” he mumbled, and ignored the glare you sent his way. You finally spoke, but the words were quiet as your chest recovered.

“You’re insufferable.”

“You’re running out of insults, I see,” he calmly said, walking over to a corner of the room, “tell me. What did FN-2187 want with you anyway?”

“What, like you don’t know?” You managed.

“You’ve been successful in blocking me from your mind these last few days,” he commented casually, his voice hidden beneath that stupid vocoder, “ease my apprehension in trusting you. What did he want.”

He stated it more than asked. You threw the apple core away and shook your head, “He wanted me to join him. I told him no.”

“Ah,” left his mouth, “tell me, why is that? Why do you detest the Resistance as much as I do?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “What like you don’t know? You looked into my mind.”

He pondered for a moment. Ah, yes, that memory of the girl in the woods. You in the woods. The memory that didn’t add up the second time he saw it, “Your home. . . They’re responsible for its destruction?”

“The New Republic was,” you clarified, which made him nod, “what was lost falls all on their shoulders.”

Kylo let out a satisfied hm, and he paced closer to you, “Maybe you aren’t as much a lost cause as I first believed.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “What do you want, Ren?”

The casual use of his name, and the tone in your voice made him stop in his tracks. You looked. . . disheveled, tired of his presence, and he felt his fist tighten at his side. But you didn’t react, no you kept your hold on his eyes behind his helmet. He lightly rubbed his fingers together, and took another step forward.

“I can help you find the truth about it,” he whispered, “the people responsible for taking your family from you.”

That seemed to catch your attention. It was just the bait he needed you to nibble on. It wasn’t truly for you, no he needed to get to the bottom of this. Of you. Something felt wrong in the Force. But that flicker in your eyes, and the raise of your brow told him all he needed to know. You were intrigued by his words.

“Why do you suddenly want to help me?”

Your questions were insufferable, but it did make him search for an answer. One that would satisfy you. As the silence lingered you crossed your arms over your chest, and he finally erupted and said, “Because you interest me.”

Your expression turned from a glare to shock. You gaped at him once and then twice before you closed it and stared at him. He could make out your tongue running over your teeth as you pondered what he said. You sighed and shook your head, but your arms unfolded into a pat on your legs.

“Okay. Fine.” you finally said.

He nodded and moved past you to the door, and you turned to watch him leave, but he paused, and motioned to you, “We return to Starkiller in the morning. We can start there.”

You nodded, and then he was gone. You stood there for a moment before you glanced back around your quarters and closed your eyes briefly. Had that gone the way you expected? No. Definitely not. From him erasing the evidence not in your favour, to that last comment you were shocked and a bit mortified at the exchange.

You interested him. What does that even mean? As in you or because of this connection you two had? No. No, there was no connection. A coincidence. It was all just coincidental. These last few weeks that’s all it was going to be in your mind! Coincidences.

Kylo Ren was just a mere coincidence. His presence, his interests, everything would be just a coincidence. You would find out who was behind the death of your family, and finally you could move on from that hurt. Stop having that dream every night of losing them. You could find peace and not feel so small and belittled anymore. Kylo Ren would help you. That was it.

- - - - - - - - - -

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[colloquialcolors]

anyway so im watching the gay holiday movie and

- my type is, very clearly, tired and moderately stressed women who are trying their best. 

- that said: i really like kristen stewarts characters usually, but also both of them seem like they will be stressed and suppressing feelings, so i have no idea who my gaybrain will cling on to this time. 

- before starting, i was like: do i dislike romcom christmas movies because of the movies, or because of the heretonormativity? about ten minutes in, i’m leaning towards the movie tropes. god. why do none of u fuckers communicate.

- but also, this whole “i am so deeply and constantly stressed about not being out and then i have to go home and Not Be Out” vibe is really just smacking me across the face too. dammit. 

- but also. *tsks over relationship dynamics*

- but also i feel like i’m having an ongoing allergy attack watching this because WOW thos family dynamics and the SENSATION OF STILTEDNESS. I’m just gonna

- *LIES DOWN AND SCREAMS OVER THE ANSWER TO “do you have a boyfriend” *fast no* *but like ive had them of course. BUT NOT TOO MANY.* fuCK. 

- her mom scares the shit out of me. i am deeply worried about her sister but not in a “she’s a threat” way but in a “oh god i hope she has access to therapy” way.

-oh i see why everyone was gay for aubrey plaza.

- oh her older sister is like that.well i suppose. yeah. makes sense with their mom.

- i shouldnt have said anything about a sister being a threat now im just. all red flags. oh god oh god oh god

- watching this at home silently in my room at the dead of night after agonizing how best to hide the way it would alter my hulu recs is a CHOICE because now im just having a silent secondary panic attack over harper trying so hard to be straight to be Good and abby just fuckin. silently losing it.

- oh no riley is classic gay flirting. *appears* *hovers* *tries very ahrd to be friendly* *drops random compliment* *LEAVES FAST* jesus goddammit

- i remember now why i dont watch these kinds of movies. i dont do well with secondhand social anxiety.

- oh somehow this thing about trying to awkwardly hem around being Gey with someone who should be friendly is getting me more than it should

- also between the general anxiety of secondhand “you have to watch everything you do and everything the people around you do” and also my brain going “why arent they wearing MASKS” this is a wild experience

-hrggggggg every romcom is built on misunderstandings piling up and i understand that but hrgggg pain

- here i was minding my own business and they have the NERVE to let kristen stewart stand around in a suit with her shirt unbuttoned and tie undone excuse me.

-”I thought she loved me and I made her happy, and I see her here and she’s so terrified of what everyone thinks, its just making me wonder who the real Harper is.” “Well, maybe they both are.” HA WHOOPS DONT LIKE HOW CLOSE TO HOME THATS HITTING.

- OH THAT WHOLE CONFESSION SPEECH REALLY JUST YANKED MY INSIDES OUT THANK YOU OW OW OW OW OW

- oh im not a fan of forced coming out scenes.

- oh there we go, the reason im watching this alone at night: im crying. this whole fucking scene ex fucking scuse me “its really terrifying” KASHFJA fuck

-OH IT WASNT A FORCED COMING OUT SCENE SIKe?

- oh here we go: the good alls well that ends well of a romcom. okay but also.... fuck. im here for it. god. being gay and accepted and, oh god. alright. okay. im done crying.

- i might have more thoughts later but this is fine for now. 

- okay no i DO have thoughts: i think its a romcom which means i automatically will side eye carious relationship choices. i dont think the movie portrayed the actual abby/harper rel well enough, so im mostly like; i will trust u that they make each other happy. i dont hold it against harper because i Get It. Being closeted is fucking terrifying and draining and creates a separate you, almost. It portrayed that well. too well? hmmmm. riley deserves Good Things. In romcom fashion, fingers crossed she got em. AND of course, abby deserves the world. protect her.

[s-oulpunk]

All My Pictures Seem To Fade To Black And White - Stenbrough

Summary: Bill carries a photo of him and Stan in his wallet at all times. He knows the risks, knows what would happen if someone were to spot it. But he likes the feeling of having a miniature Stan in his pocket at all times. He likes the reminder of their love. Unfortunately, the day that risk becomes all too real is creeping up on him.

TW: Violence, homophobia

Read on AO3

“Do you want me to walk you home?”

Bill smiles softly. “That’s alright.  It’s only a few m-minutes away.”

Stan glances behind him, eyes glazing over slightly.  Bill knows what he’s thinking, and he wants nothing more than to lean over and kiss his worries away.  But he can’t.  Not here, not now.  So he settles on a simple squeeze of the shoulder instead.

“I’ll be fuh-fine.”

It’s a struggle to even keep eye contact.  He doesn’t feel fine, he never feels fine.  Every turn he makes, he expects to see it there.  He expects razor-sharp teeth and laser beam eyes and clawed fingers that are just ever so slightly too long.

But the lie is apparently strong enough for Stan.

His lips tug into a small smile.  It’s barely there, a person less acquainted with Stan might miss it entirely, but it makes Bill’s heart soar nonetheless.

For a moment he imagines kissing that smile.  He supposes it’s nothing special, just a quick peck of the lips.  But the thought of doing it here, in the middle of the local diner with nearly a dozen people milling around, makes his heart pound.

“Buh-Buh-Besides,” he says, taking a step back before he can’t help himself. “I wouldn’t want you to be late.  It’s an im-important day today.”

Stan hums softly. “So important that I got lunch paid for by my favorite person on Earth.”

Bill ducks his head in a rather pathetic attempt to hide his blush.  Nearly a year and Stan is still able to make Bill red as a tomato with a surprising amount of ease.

“Exactly,” Bill squeaks out.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be late,” Stan says. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Great,” says Bill, feeling breathless. “I’ll see you luh-later then?”

“You better.”

The walk home isn’t far, but that doesn’t mean it’s not terrifying.

Bill tries to distract himself from the bottomless pit in his stomach by going over the details.  He’s not sure how much good it really does, but it’s better than constantly glancing over his shoulder.  He’s sure the people in this town are starting to think he’s crazy.

But he can’t think about that right now.  Worrying about worrying is no better than just plain worrying.  So he instead busies himself with the checklist in his head.

Candles?  Check.

Matches?  Check.

Candy?  Check.

Cheap wine from his parents cellar?  Check.

The positivity that his parents wouldn’t notice?  Half-check.

Blankets?  Check.

Stanley’s favorite movies?  Check.  One hundred percent.

The checklist does help distract him, and for awhile he’s grateful for that.  But he’s forgotten that it’s never a good idea to be too distracted in a place like Derry.

He doesn’t even register the car grumbling quietly behind him until it’s too late.

A hand clamps tightly over his mouth, another twisting around his chest and arms to pull him firmly against the person attached.  The person is clearly a lot bigger than Bill, but that doesn’t stop him from kicking and screaming to the best of his abilities.  Which, unfortunately, isn’t much at the moment.

More voices spill out from the car, and while Bill can’t catch everything they say, he catches enough to know he’s in some deep shit.

“Get him in the car, dude!”

“Holy fucking shit!”

“I’m trying!  Come out here and fucking help me!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?  You can’t handle a fucking kid?”

“Dude, hurry!”

“Well he’s not exactly being fucking compliant now, is he?”

No matter how much he struggles, the person seems to pull him over to the car with relative ease.

The person slams him against the side of said car, hardly noticing how Bill’s head bounces off the top.

“Hurry!”

“Dude, where’s the fucking rope?”

“Man, relax!”

“I can’t fucking relax, don’t tell me to relax!”

As he says this, another pair of hands tugs Bill’s arms roughly behind his back.  Bill squirms and fights and even manages to kick a shin once or twice, but the fight still ends with an old rope around his wrists.

“Give me those.”

“What the fuck?  Man, I need those.”

“I’m not fucking holding him like this the whole way.”

“Oh fuck you.”

The hand around his mouth releases itself, but before Bill has a chance to yell for help, it’s quickly replaced by something soft and frighteningly wet being shoved through his lips.

Bill realizes with a not-so-well disguised gag that they’re socks.  Unwashed socks at that.

“Now hurry, dude!”

“Get him in the car!”

“Not the fucking backseat, man!”

“Where the fuck do you want me to put him then?”

“The fucking trunk!”

“He won’t fit in the fucking trunk!”

“Yes he fucking will!  Just might have to break a bone or two.”

Images of Eddie’s broken arm - bent at all the wrong angles - flash across Bill’s mind.

His screams are muffled against the socks.  He’s positive no one else is going to hear him, but he screams nonetheless.

It takes two of the people to get him in the trunk (bones all unbroken, thank God) and Bill feels almost proud he made life that much more difficult for them.  But then the trunk is slammed closed and Bill is alone.

The space is small, as most trunks usually are.  Bill’s never thought of himself as a claustrophobic person, and yet he is finding it a little difficult to breathe.

He kicks furiously at the ceiling.  Maybe someone will hear him.  Maybe he’ll find a soft spot and kick a hole.  Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he’ll wake up a moment later, thrashing violently beneath the covers.

But none of this happens.

The only thing kicking succeeds in doing is pissing off the people who are currently driving the car.

He learns this after either five minutes or five hours (he’s not sure which, but knows it’s a long enough period of time to make his legs numb), when the car finally pulls over and the trunk is popped open.

This is the first time Bill gets a real good look at them.  There are three of them, all boys.  They look young, probably only a few years older than Bill himself.

One of them has a lopsided Mohawk.  The sides are patchy and uneven.  For a moment Bill imagines the kid sitting on his bathroom floor, shaving off chunks of his hair only to realize he had misjudged where the center of his head is.  In a better situation, it might have made him laugh.

The second kid has a knife.  That’s the first thing Bill notices.  And as far as he’s concerned, it’s the most important.

The third kid is obviously the leader.  He’s placed in the middle, arms crossed over a bulky chest and car keys dangling from between his fingers.  He stares down at Bill with what almost looks to be a smirk.  It makes Bill’s insides shrivel.

“You’re going to ruin my car,” he sneers.

Bill blinks up at him.  He imagines kicking him square in the nose.

“Get him up,” The Leader says, snapping sharply at Mohawk and Knife Guy.

He disappears quickly from Bill’s vision, leaving the other two to pull him out.  He goes limp, a form of silent protest, but it doesn’t do any good.  He’s forced to his knees, dead grass crackling against his jeans.

The Leader is leaning against a tree about a foot or two away, an unlit cigarette between his lips.

“Do you know why you’re here, kid?” he says nonchalantly, as he lifts a lighter to the cigarette. “Because rumor has it you’re somehow responsible for the arrest of Henry Bowers.  Made him go crazy.” His eyes flicker down to meet Bill’s. “That true?”

Bill doesn’t answer.  Well, he can’t.  Because he has socks in his mouth.  But even if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t have answered.  He still doesn’t fully understand what Leader is getting at here.

“Henry and I were buddies, did you know?” he continues.  He takes a step forward. “We had big plans, you know.” Another step. “Big plans.” Another. “But now he’s gone.” Another. “Because of you.”

He stops directly in front of Bill.  He’s close enough now that Bill can smell the sweat gathering on his clothes.

“How’d you do it?”

Bill can hardly hear him over the rush of blood in his ears.

Smack!

“How’d you do it!”

Bill’s cheek stings.  He swears he can still feel the warm impression of a hand against his skin long after the slap is done.

Something hot stings the back of his eyes, and panic quickly rises in his chest.  He can’t cry.  Not here.  Not in front of them.

Leader catches his chin in a vice-like grip, yanking his head sharply so they’re eye to eye.

“Tell me.”

Leader’s breath washes over Bill’s face.  It reeks of old sausages and boiled eggs. It makes Bill’s lunch churn in his stomach.

But luckily, none of it comes up.  The only thing to come out of his mouth is his own muffled voice, garbled by the socks between his cheeks.

The leader jerks his head towards Bill.  It’s so quick that for a moment Bill fears (hopes) his head will topple right off.

But it doesn’t.  Bill’s almost disappointed.

Instead, Knife Guy appears at Leader’s side.  He pries Bill’s lips apart with the knife, grinning at how the younger boy flinches.  Then the socks are gone.  They now reside in Knife Guy’s free hand, complete with a regrettable grimace.  The look of disgust at the saliva-soaked socks gives Bill a small victory.

But it doesn’t last long.

Leader tangles his fingers in Bill’s hair, twisting his wrist until Bill hisses in pain.

“Tell me,” he says, voice far too casual for someone who just kidnapped a teenager. “How’d you do it?”

“I duh-didn’t,” Bill says.  His voice is surprisingly steady, if a little out of breath.

“Liar!” Leader twists his hand harder, relishing in the feeble cry Bill lets out.

“How exactly do you th-th-think I muh-made him...do that?”

“I d-d-d-don’t know!” Leader leans in closer for the taunt. “That’s why I’m fucking asking!”

“And so polite.”

Leader finally lets go of his hair, but with such force that Bill finds himself suddenly on the ground.  Leader towers over him, teeth bared and chest heaving.

“Don’t play smart with me!” he roars.

Bill holds his gaze.  He won’t let him get to him so easily.

“Fine,” Leader sneers. “We can do this the hard way.”

A swift kick is delivered to Bill’s ribs.  He grinds his teeth to stifle the cry that escapes him, but it’s no use.  Leader catches it, grinning nastily down at him.  His ribs are offered another blow.  He quickly curls in on himself.  If this continues much longer, he’s gonna have a few broken ribs on his hands.  And he doesn’t think he can brush those off quite as easily.

The kicks slow eventually.  Leader seems to get bored delivering blows to a rag doll.

He crosses to Mohawk, muttering something Bill can’t be bothered to hear.

A moment later Mohawk’s at his side.  Bill shies away from his hands, but it’s no use.  His wallet’s quickly tugged out of his pocket, and Mohawk hold it up triumphantly.

“Dude, there’s like ten bucks in here,” he says.

“Sweet,” says Knife Guy, snatching the bills out of his hands.

“Hey, I found it!”

“Yeah, but I grabbed it!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut up!” Leader snaps.  He holds out his hand and, with a grumbled swear, Knife Guy places the money in his palm. “Thank you.  What else.”

“Not much,” says Mohawk. “Just some arcade coins, receipts, whatever this is...” His voice trails off, leaving his words hanging in the air. “Holy shit.”

Bill’s stomach drops.

“What is it?” Knife Guy exclaims.  He peeks over his shoulder, snorting loudly. “Oh my God.” He grins over at Leader, but there’s nothing pleasant about his smile. “Check this out.”

Leader crosses to their side, quirking his eyebrow at the paper in Mohawk’s hand.  Silently, he plucks the paper out from between Mohawk’s fingers and starts to make his way back towards Bill.

As he does, Bill sends a silent prayer to anyone who even might be listening.  Please don’t let that be what he knows it is.  Please, please, please, please, please.

Leader squats in front of him, shoving the paper towards Bill’s face.  Bill has to blink a few times before the picture comes into focus.  Not that he really needs to.  He would recognize that photo anywhere.

Bill has his arms wrapped tightly around Stan’s waist, whose legs are thrown carelessly over his lap.  Stan’s placing a large kiss on his cheek, one hand holding his face in place, while Bill grins wildly at the camera.

The photo is soft and tender and everything that reminds him of Stan and it makes everything that much goddamn worse.

“This your boyfriend?” Leader asks, voice dripping false sweetness.

Bill doesn’t answer.  The heat behind his eyes is back.

“Looks like we caught ourselves a faggot, boys.”

Mohawk and Knife Guy cackle in the background.  They remind Bill of the hyenas he saw in the zoo all those years ago.  The ones Georgie was always too scared to get close to, even with the glass guarding them.  The memory’s like salt in an open wound.

“D-D-Do-Don’t say th-that,” he says softly, eyes never leaving the photograph.

How many times had Stan told him to put it somewhere safer?  How many times had he begged him not to leave it in his wallet?  How many times had he insisted he would end up exactly where he was now?

“What?” Leader grins maliciously. “Faggot?”

Bill winces at the word.  He tries to hide it, he really does.  And he thinks he does a pretty good job.  He manages to diminish it to a small twitch of his head, something that would be almost impossible to catch by someone standing a normal distance away.  Unfortunately, Leader is directly in his face.  And he notices right away.

“Don’t like that, huh?”

Bill keeps his eyes locked on the photo.

He desperately wants it.  Those hands don’t deserve to hold it.  They don’t deserve anything that radiates the energy of Stan Uris.  He needs to protect it from them.

But his hands are still tied behind him.  No matter how hard he tugs, the ropes don’t seem to get any looser.  All it does is rip the skin off his wrists a little bit more.

“Puh-Please don’t h-hurt him,” he forces out, feeling as if he’s choking on the words.

“Aw, I was thinking we could pay him a visit,” Leader says, an overdramatic pout on his lips.  He turns the photo to face himself, and Bill immediately feels an ache deep in his chest. “He’s cute enough, sure would be a shame if something happened-”

“Fuck you.”

The words tumble out of his mouth with such venom that it shocks himself almost as much as it shocks Leader.

“What did you just say to me?” Leader hisses, leaning closer ever so slightly.

Bill spits directly onto Leader’s face. “I said fuck you.”

Leader lets out an animalistic cry, and lunges forward to grasp Bill’s hair once more.  He yanks him to his feet, slamming him against the car with enough force to make him see stars.

“You fucking brat!” Leader screams, spit flying everywhere.

A burning sensation creeps quickly across Bill’s cheek.  He nearly grinds his teeth to dust with the realization that Leader’s cigarette has been put out on his face.  Or, more precisely, Leader’s cigarette has been hurriedly smashed into his face.

But there’s not much time to process this.  Bill’s head snaps backwards as Leader’s knuckles connect with his cheekbone, directly over the cigarette burn.  Unfortunately, there’s nowhere for his head to go and it slams into the car behind him with a worrying thud.

“What the fuck is your problem!”

Leader’s knuckles are against his jaw now.

Has Bill’s mouth always tasted this coppery?

“Think you can just fucking do stuff like that?”

His eye.

“You’re the one with a fucking problem!”

His nose.

His head is starting to feel like one giant bruise.

“You’re like a walking disease.” This one isn’t followed by any punches.  Instead it’s hissed directly into his ear, fingers digging hand-shaped bruises into his shoulders as they press him against the car.  Bill’s beginning to very much dislike this car.

Leader tosses him back to the ground with about as much care he would if tossing a sack of flour.  Leader prods him onto his stomach with the tip of his boot.  As much as Bill tries to resist, one swift kick to his already bruising ribs is all he needs to make him comply.  He can feel one of the boots firmly on his back.  Hazily, he wonders how upset Stan will be when he finds out Bill got his jacket dirty.

“Give me that,” he hears Leader say, though the words sound muffled.  As if Bill’s hearing them underwater.

A moment later Leader’s kneeling down next to him, replacing the boot against the small of his back with a knee.  He tugs at Bill’s still bound arms, straightening them out like an artist smoothing out their canvas.  Something cold as ice runs smoothly up and down Bill’s arm.  And for a moment he can’t figure out what it is.  His brain feels just as battered and bruised as the rest of his face, how is it supposed to recognize every foreign object?  But then it clicks.  The fucking knife.

He starts to struggle, but he’s exhausted and it only takes one more pair of hands to force him into place.

“I just want you to know,” Leader says, poising the point against Bill’s skin. “You deserve this.”

The last thing Bill remembers is a blinding pain in his wrist and the taste of dirt and blood as a scream he never gets the chance to hear rips itself out of his throat.

By the time he wakes up, the three boys are gone.  The car is gone.  The knife is gone.

But he’s still here.  His entire body still aches.  He has no idea how badly his arm is bleeding.  And it’s dark out.

He wants to roll over and go back to sleep.  He wants to stay here until he sinks into the dirt and never has to feel anything ever again.

But then something catches his eye.

The photo of him and Stan is sitting less than a foot away. It’s barely visible in the darkness and it’s been ripped in two, but it still causes the same reaction.

In the blink of an eye, he’s wide awake.

Stan.  Fuck.  He was supposed to be there who knows how long ago.

With a groan, Bill pushes himself to his knees.  It takes awhile, and he spends most of the time with his face in the dirt, but by the time he’s upright he can get himself to stand with very little problem.

He wants desperately to take the photo with him.  It feels wrong to leave it here, at the scene of the crime.  It deserves to come with him, it deserves a chance to be safe.  But his hands are still bound and he has no way of grabbing it without the threat of falling down again.

So he leaves it behind.

The walk back home is long.  That’s the one word he can think of to describe it.  Long.  He hardly knows where it is and the dark makes everything look the same, so it takes twice the time it normally would to even get back to his neighborhood.

But once he starts to recognize houses, it’s not long before his own porch light comes into view.  And sitting beneath it, head in his hands, is Stan.

Bill resists the urge to run to him.  He can barely walk and he doesn’t like the thought of what this cement would do to his already broken face.

“Bill?”

Bill lets out a shaky laugh, wincing when a sharp stab of pain goes through his ribs. “H-Hey.”

“Where have you been?” Stan bites. “I have been waiting for-” Bill can feel the rant building up, but it comes to a halting stop as soon as Bill steps into the light.  Stan shoots to his feet, hand flying out to graze over Bill’s cheek. “What the fuck happened?”

“Someone punched their c-cigarette into my fuh-face.”

“Jesus Christ, alright.”

“Muh-My keys are in my pocket,” Bill murmurs, breathing a sigh of relief that the boys didn’t take that too.

Stan silently fishes said keys out of Bill’s jeans before turning to unlock the door.  He ushers Bill hurriedly into the bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the bathtub.

“Is something wrong with your arms?” Stand asks tentatively.

“They’re s-s-stuck.”

“Stuck?” Stan peeks behind him, sucking in a sharp breath. “Okay.” His voice sounds small and unsure, but he settles into the bathtub anyway.  Bill can feel his fingers softly against his wrists as he pulls apart the knot. “What did they do to your arm?”

“I dunno.”

“Alright.”

The knot tumbles off Bill’s wrists and he reflexively pulls his arms back towards himself.  He rubs his wrists absentmindedly, trying not to flinch at just how raw they are.

“So tell me what happened,” Stan says as he kneels next to him.  He’s clutching a damp towel now, though Bill has no memory of him leaving to fetch one, and starts dabbing tentatively at his arm. “You were ambushed?”

“Y-Yeah,” Bill says. “I was walking home and th-they grabbed me.  Tuh-Took me into the woods and...” He shrugs, hoping Stan can figure the rest out for himself. “They s-seemed to think I had something to duh-do with Henry Buh-Bowers being arrested.”

“That’s ridiculous,” grumbles Stan.

“I-I know.  Buh-But then they fuh-found my-”

He’s cut off by a soft gasp.  Stan is staring at his arm, knuckles going white around the towel.

“Wh-What?” Bill murmurs, reaching out with his free hand to run his fingers through Stan’s hair.

“Do you know what this says?” Stan whispers, voice wobbly.

Bill shakes his head.  Says?  Why would it say anything?

Stan silently places his arm on Bill’s lap, and it only takes one glance for Bill’s stomach to drop.  Because without the mess of blood, the cuts spell out a very clear message: FAG.

“My wallet,” Bill says, voice barely audible. “Th-They found muh-my w-wallet.  The puh-puh-picture.”

Stan sighs heavily.  Bill knows what he’s thinking: I told you so.  I told you to hide it.  I told you this would happen.

Luckily, Stan’s kind enough not to voice these opinions.

He focuses instead on silently bandaging Bill’s wrist.  His fingers are feather light the whole time, as if he’s afraid too much force will break Bill in half. Normally, he would hate this treatment.  As if he’s some fragile bird who can’t handle the slightest bit of force.

But it’s different with Stan.

Stan finishes the bandaging with a soft press of his lips against the injured area.  It makes Bill’s heart flutter.

“You’re beautiful.”

Stan’s voice is so honest that the only response Bill can muster is a barely audible, “Oh.”

“You always are.  Despite all of this-” he brushes a finger lightly over Bill’s cheekbone, frowning when he winces. “-you still are.”

Bill smiles softly.  He takes Stan’s hands in his own and pulls him closer until Stan’s chest is pressed against his knees.

“Always nice wh-when an angel compliments you.”

A rosy pink creeps across Stan’s cheeks. “That’s ridiculous.”

Bill pulls Stan onto his lap, doing his best to ignore the way it makes his legs ache, and presses a quick kiss to his temple.

“It’s tuh-true.”

Stan, who has never been good at receiving compliments, responds with, “What else did they do to you?”

“Nothing serious.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ruh-Really, I’m fine.”

“That’s not how it looked when you first walked up.”

Bill sighs, trapping his lower lip between his teeth. “You’ve duh-done a good job puh-patching me up.”

Stan gently pinches the bridge of Bill’s nose between his thumb and forefinger. “It doesn’t look like you’ve broken anything else.” Bill hums softly, nuzzling in to Stan’s palm. “Why don’t you go lay down?”

Bill can’t help but think that’s the best idea he’s heard all day.  The thought of his bed waiting for him, soft and warm, only a few doors down fills him with a sense of relief he hasn’t felt in a long time.

Despite this, he manages out a soft, “No.  Today wuh-was supposed to be s-special.  I-”

“Hey.” Stan gently cups his cheeks between his hands, forcing Bill to look him in the eyes. “All that matters is that you’re home safe.  Who cares if we didn’t get to have our marathon.  They’ll be there tomorrow.”

“But tomorrow isn’t-”

“I know.  It’s okay.  It’s okay if we’re one night late.”

He leans forward to press a kiss to Bill’s lips, soft and gentle.  It makes Bill’s heart melt.

“Are y-you sure?”

Stan nods. “Mhm.  Now come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Bill allows his boyfriend to pull him to his feet, gently wrapping an arm around his waist as Stan directs him into his bedroom.

“You’ll stay h-here, wuh-won’t you?” Bill asks as he tugs off his shoes.

“Of course,” Stan says.

He crawls into the bed, immediately pulling Bill close to his chest.

“Goodnight,” he whispers, carding his fingers through Bill’s hair.

Bill presses a soft kiss to Stan’s collar bone before letting his eyes flutter shut. “Happy anniversary.”

[silvrwore-blog]

---------- OOC.

hi im mitch : ) im a big f*king idiot, too. let me preface this by saying it is currently uhhhhhh 6 AM est and i still haven’t slept yet !!! i thunk i started this around 10 PM last night but im slow. really slow. everything about this ??? a hot mess ™ . it isn’t going to make a lick of sense !! but thanks for stopping by sdkjsadklsd. anywhomst im mitch, i’m twenty, in the est, and im ready to rock and roll buckaroo. my guy here? he’s an idiot. but he’s my idiot. therefore, i have to love him. the history is long ( i know because i started there first ) so ill make a little tl;dr with some simplified notes on him. i think that covers ??? everything ?? so far ? im always down to plot in the DMs or i have discord at oovoo javer #4855 mwuah !!

---------- APPLICATION.

( jack lowden, twenty-seven, cismale, he/him ) – have you seen bennett sharpe, the financial strategy student around oxford yet? i hear they can be conforming and convivial, but those who know them insist they’re reminded of beige turtlenecks and plaid blazers, eraser shavings on an old oak desk, and eagerly belting out the latest tunes when they’re around. rumor has it that due to stress, he had a breakdown in high school that put him a year behind his peers and his family has tried to cover it up. is it true? only time will tell… ( mitch, twenty, she/her, est )

---------- HISTORY.

THEY’D ALMOST STRUCK GOLD with bennett sharpe. smart enough not to have to buy your way into college, but not smart enough for his peers to despise him. the gusto of an entertainer and the charm of a damn good politician ------------ but they’d never been quite able to buff out that chip on his shoulder.

the sharpe’s were an interesting case. too good to slum it with the poor folk but not rich enough to always be able to sit at the BIG table. a family who paved their way in law and then literature. blood in the supreme courts and in those scandelous little novels that housewives sipped a glass of wine over. at least that had been his mother’s contribution to the family fortune ----- a wonderful dinner conversation.

--------- “ oh mother, what raunchy debauchery are you slaving away at now ? “

bennett was the oldest of three ( followed by one girl and then another boy ). he was a good son. would have been a real golden child to anyone else --- well, with a little love, care & patience. normal family things. from a young age he had a memory unmatched and a love of strategy games. a youth who loved to test his brain. which was fine and dandy, however, it wasn’t quite leading up to being a judge. he wasn’t following in his family’s footsteps. he’d gotten a little... off track. he had just been better with numbers. money crunching. equations. it had been a tough pill for his family to swallow but swallow it they would. afterall, it hadn’t been their biggest concern when it came to their oldest son. 

it had always been there. carefully covered up with the occasional “ he’ll grow out of it “ or  “ stop it. nothing is wrong. “ maybe that had been the real giveaway to why he’d never amount to anything big. “ he’s FRAIL. no spine. “ a good and competent doctor would have had him diagnosed and taken care of. seventeen and he’s missing classes but not for normal rich kid things. the world’s bigger and scarier than it ever was. college and a future right around the corner, parental pressure, it snowballs until it is all too much. one day of important testing and bennett sharpe never shows. he had not been on campus at all. sometimes when the panic became too much, it did him well to distract his mind ---- go outside. count the blades of grass or the birds in the sky. breathe. it’s what he had done that afternoon. left and tried to sate his mind. but nothing had done it for him that day. nothing to cure him. the world? bleak. the future? uncertain. weapy and tore down. the little devil on his shoulder named ‘ desperation ‘. he needed out. his parents phone and the message becomes crystal clear... 

--------- “ i can’t do this. “

so he’d ‘” turned tail and ran “, branded some sort of listless coward. he didn’t know what was wrong with himself, nor did his parents. the only thing they were certain of was that they would not have a son coming apart at the seams. they’d grilled him. no one was going to take him seriously or he’d never find himself in any important position if he was always going to go chicken. a breakdown never looked good. it did not matter to the rich or the poor, one would still be ridiculed. but corporations wanted someone steely, confident, put-together. all the things bennett was not becoming. so they’d contacted his school - wrote it off as a vacation. save face. “ oh i got bored. decided to go to switzerland instead ! couldn’t miss it, you see a chance of a lifetime had just presented itself to me, so.... “. however, no donations or pleading on his parents part were going to make up lost time. bennett was held back a year for being unable to complete the necessary testing and exams. oh how he would have to sell that vacation. but it hadn’t quite been a vacation, had it? long days trying to put together the pieces. some days were easier than others. some time to try and buff out that chip. the chip remained.

years down the line and one enrolment to oxford and he’s a lot better than where he started. he’s found ways to cope. some good. some bad. he’s more indendent than ever which has led him to branch out and take care of himself. no watchful eye of mother and father needed. perhaps that’s why he now has therapy pamphlets tucked away inside untouched textbooks. away from prying eyes. just an idea, maybe one day he would water it and watch it grow. go see someone. anyone. now he’s cheery. lively. a staple at parties. heeds his father’s advice and brushes shoulders with the right people. finds himself in the right places. the future is looking bright. oxford may soon to be a closed chapter in his life, but the years had been good to him. until, well, they weren’t. 

the riot club had been for the best. extravagant. a little bit of chasing the finer things in life. that had worked out just well for him. death had never been a thought --- or at least it was always kept at a distance. never upclose or personal. a relative here or there, miles away, he’d barely given it a thought. a funeral and they were gone. parties and death were not supposed to intermingle. maybe that was why it was so jarring. the world is a little heavier, bearing down on him once more. he tries not to pay it any mind when he has to excuse himself twice more than usual for a smoke outside. brushes off clammy hands like they’re nothing. accidents happened. he’d find solace in that word --------- accident. 

---------- SPARKNOTES / TL;DR.

voted most likely to be that annoying fuck outside your dorm at 3 am who doesn’t know how to turn down the volume 

dumb enough to try anything once

despite some tough times he’s just ??? full of life ??? life is a PARTY. and he’s making the most of it now, thank you very much. 

“ are you not ENTERTAINED ? “

he’s not the worst,,, but he’s not the best. yknow?

nice enough to get drunk and talk to just about anyone but snobby enough that you bet he’s going to make some insensitive comments. it’s that -- not rich rich enough to be totally elite, but not hurting enough to be able to sympathize with people who aren’t bringing in a f*ck ton of money. 

his family ( on his dad’s side ) has always been involved in law. typically judges, and some who have made it to be top dog in their fields. his mother is a writer who does rather well. she’s published a handful of book and his father has also published law-related books which brings in money. his dad is pretty high up in the field but bennett’s got his suspicions that some of the income might just be payoffs. i wouldn’t envision his father as being someone hard to be bought. he might want to grill his son for being spineless or weakwilled but i’d imagine that’s just a family trait inherited. 

which uhh brings me to my next point. bennett can be a bit of a follower. there’s not a whole lot of “NO” in him. which may also hurt his relationships because he’s not going to stand against injustices or anything if it is going to put him in harm’s way. which may help perpetuate that rich or snobby idea surrounding him because he’s not about to stand up for the common folk if they’re being belittled for their threads or schooling.sure, he might talk to them here or there in the right occasion but he’s not going to stand for them. he’s sitting pretty. he’s not looking to ruin that. 

essentially he’s not going to have your back unless it benefits him. 

as far as his secret goes, i think he’s worried about the stigma around mental health and how he’d be perceived but i think a lot more has to do with his family. because he knows they won’t be happy if it gets out or if something further happens. they just ain’t supportive in that department, chief. but he doesn’t want to be cut off or anything and not just because he’d be worried about who was putting money in his pockets. he just doesn’t want to stir the pot any further, even though he should really seek help. i kind of vagued on it but i’d say he has gad ( generalized anxiety disorder ). 

---------- CONNECTIONS.

am i picky?? nah. if he can fill something, slot him in. we can chit chat. mwuah

i already know this section is gonna get so neglected because im too tired to think

uhh give me an under the wing sort of relationship ?? listen if bennett can’t repair himself maybe he can touch up someone else. someone he might see something in. buds ? who knows ? not me. but it could b cute. 

long time friends !!! doesn’t have to be since childhood but someone(s) he’s known for a while now and they click. 

anything angsty ? is good too. 

typical friends / enemies plots too !! spice things up. 

i need sleep : ) good night !!!!!!!!!!

[cynergy-laughter]

Dream Daddy Fanfic #1

The Long Haul

By: Brendon Cetinkaya (Cynergy-Laughter)

Word Count: 1713

You sat at home on the couch doing your word jumbles as usual, the Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truckers playing in the background. You were about to call for Amanda, but you realized that she’s away at college working on her art degree, and you are totally alone tonight. You put your jumbles down onto their usual spot, to be unjumbled another day, and pull up Dadbook. You look at the long line up of the seven dads that you’re close to. After deliberation, you click to give Robert a buzz, pulling up the instant messaging. You haven’t talked to Robert three weeks after you sat under the cherry tree at Amanda’s Mac-and-Cheesy good graduation party, and after him saying that he wanted to work on himself before going into a relationship with you, it made you really hopeful. So, three weeks seems like a good time to check in on your favorite bad-ass. But then you realize, Amanda isn’t here to help you out with this IMing anymore. Okay, just calm yourself down, there’s no need to panic… How hard can it be?

You begin typing on the chat room:

Hey man, how’s it hangin’?

Okay, so far so good… You stare at the message board for a good 5 minutes before you start questioning your very existence and life choices. “How’s it hangin’?!” More like how are you not hanging right now?! Okay, just calm down, this is what Robert does, he doesn’t message back until night time, it will be fine. In the meantime, you go to make yourself a snack in the kitchen. After 6 minutes of battling the stovetop to make a ramen packet, you walk to the living room and hear a *ping!* and quickly sit down to check your Dadbook messages. You gasp to see that Robert actually messaged you back. You almost drop your ramen as you read the message:

Hey… to be honest, I was thinkin’ about you.

You blush and squeak, jumping up in your seat and scooted away. This was so unlike Robert to talk relatively immediately. You put your ramen bowl down and clickety-clack on the keyboard to reply:

Really? Is everything alright?

You were actually getting a bit concerned, he wasn’t usually this straightforward about… anything. You press the enter button and not even a minute in and he replies back.

Yeah, you need somethin’?

And he’s back to his old mannerisms? It’s just like he didn’t remember what he texted. You blink and begin to type back to him, you brush it off, and chose to not push it yet.

I wanna know if you were up to hang sometime.

How about right now?

You wish you hadn’t taken a big slurp of the ramen, because now you’re choking on it. You pant at your close call, and you begin to type, but not before Robert replied again

I’m outside right now

Knock Knock, kid.

Just then, you heard a knock at your door. You feel like this is the Matrix in a nutshell, you even half expect the chat to be completely empty when you look back. Then as you get up to go answer the door, and you realize you’re not wearing pants. Would Robert even care? He decided to forget pants, this is a hang out with Robert, not Damien or Hugo. You open the door and see the rugged leather jacket leaning on your doorframe with a dashing, devilish grin and a sharp squint. He glances down at your boxer briefs.

“Heh, dig the show, and the package isn’t bad either.” Robert said as he walks in and plops down onto the couch. You blush as you realized he meant LHPIRGT and your underwear respectfully, or was it not respectfully, clever.

“Thanks, make yourself at home… And take your boots off, I kinda like keeping it clean in here.” You close the door and notice a plopping sound next to your feet, showing that it was indeed Robert’s boots both of them on their sides, pretty scuffed up.

“Usually I don’t really care for house rules, but you’re a special case.” He leaned back in his seat on the couch. “You got any Whiskey? Or�� Whiskey?”

“I think I might have a bottle somewhere in the kitchen.” You go into the kitchen and rummaged trying to find the booze. All the while, you try to figure out what’s wrong. Mary made you promise to look out for him, so right now, you feel a bit guilty for checking up on him after three weeks. You find the whiskey bottle and make your way back into the living room, and you find Robert on the couch with no pants, just his shirt, and boxers. And he sees you with skin as red as Brian’s beard.

“Heh, sorry, I just figured it would be one of those days, plus you make myself at home.” Robert snickered and held out his hand as you absentmindedly poured him and yourself some whiskey and toasted to the night. You both begin to watch all 4 seasons of LHPIRGT, downing the entire bottle after 2 episodes, but then Robert pulls out a bigger bottle from his jacket, seriously, how spacious is his jacket?!

You both proceed to keep on drinking and watching Flynt and Callum in their Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Truck shenanigans. Later, after you both finish the second season, both of you are pretty smashed, even after you guys also downed that entire extra-large meat lovers pizza. It’s pretty dark outside, you didn’t even remember how long each episode was until you look at your phone clock, it’s 9:38! Where the hell did the time go?

“Next season.” Robert said as he sipped his whiskey. Okay, now it’s getting serious at this point, it’s clear that something’s up.

“Robert, I know you don’t like hearing your name, but I know something is wrong, tell me what’s up.” You say, leaning up and looking at Robert, who slightly straightens up.

“Heh, you’re cute when you worry about nothing…” Was all he said as he staggered a bit to lean toward you.

You blush as Robert gets closer, he even put his glass down. His breath is nearing your neck, you were just about to let your lips make contact, when your inner dad screams, “Don’t let him seduce you! Fight love with love, and get to the bottom of this!” You don’t know what the heck was with that last part, but you suddenly try a stupid idea. You reach out and squeeze Robert’s hips. You weren’t expecting the reaction he made, Robert gasps and grunts, pulling away fast, holding his hips. You both sit there making intense eye contact for a good minute before your face twists deviously into a grin of your own. Robert’s eyes widen as he blushes and tries to make a break for the kitchen, or any escape route. But it’s too late.

You pounce on Robert and tickle his armpits, holding his wrist, and straddling his waist. Robert was doing his best to fight it, but you have the best tickling method, go for one spot, then got for another when they open a spot up, you had him on the ropes.

“Gack! H-H-Hey! G-Get offa mehehe, you… yohohou, AH! I’m gonna kihihihihll yohohohou!” Robert did not sound any kind of threatening while he was laughing, especially with your expert tickling technique. He really started freaking out when you lowered your straddle and began to tickle his waist. You had him right where you want him: in no position to run or charm his way out.

“Robert, I know something is wrong, so don’t try to change the subject. Tell me what is really going on right now, or I won’t be afraid to get your feet or your ribs.” You brought up the ultimatum, and you just wait for him to respond. “And right now, I’m not your best friend, I’m your arch nemesis, the Tickle Monster.”

“Screhehew yohohou!” Robert laughed out, well, you warned him. You then began to wiggle your free fingers in between his rib cage, which made him roar with laughter, heck, he starts flailing when you reach behind yourself to tickle his feet.

“GAHAHAHAHA! Nohohot TheheHEHEHERE! Okay okay! Just Stahahahp!” Robert tries to get away, but thanks to your workouts with Craig, you have great muscle mass to combat his strength. You stop but still hold his wrists up.

“Now tell me what’s really going on.”

“I… I…” He began, but starts to turn his head away, hiding tears. “I… I’m scared… I’m scared about failing again, but this time… I…” He tries to sit up after you got off of his waist. “I’m scared of failing you…”

You were taken aback by this, was this what he meant by his first chat reply?

“Robert… You could never fail me…You are doing your best to work on yourself, and that’s-”

“You don’t get it! I was contemplating about just saying fuck it, and just shut myself away from the cul-de-sac again… Maybe worse… But then you sent me a message, and I realized that I have people who are counting on me… you… and Val…” He wipes his eyes and turns some more.

“... Robert, Val loves you. I love you. We want what is best for you because you’re family now. We know you can’t do this alone, which is why you have to tell us what is wrong. You have to tell us and we’ll help you the best we can. That’s what family’s here for.” You scoot over closer to Robert and massage his shoulders.

“... I don’t deserve a family like you or Val…”

“Now you stop that, you deserve to be happy, damn it!” You turn Robert around and give him a kiss on the lips and a big hug. Both of you are blushing as you embrace Robert, Robert also begins to put his arms around you and bury his head in your shoulder.

“... Thank you…” Robert muffled into the sleeve of your shirt.

You smile as stroke his back and you both slowly end up laying and cuddling each other on the plush carpet on your floor.

“You’re welcome… babe.”

~~~

Let me know what you guys think, I hope this entertains you guys, it was wonderful to get back into writing again.

[ashenworth]

OKAY hear me out. I had the sudden urge to finish my Twilight s/i’s story. I couldnt just leave it unfinished it was eating away at me. so here it is, The whole ass backstory i wrote for my Twilight s/i. im so sorry if mobile doesnt show the read more, bc its fucking LONG

words: 10 560

Ashley Hale (formerly Ashley Davidson)

Born: Sept 15, 1942

Turned: 1962

From: Edmonton, AB, Canada.

Born near the end of the second World War and raised in Edmonton, Ashley (but she prefers “Ash”) lived a relatively normal life until the age of 20. Her father, who was deemed unfit for service, worked as a bank teller. Her mother a nurse, before becoming pregnant.

One night, in July of 1962, she and her family were taking a road trip to visit some relatives outside of the city. Rain was pouring down, but they were only about 10 minutes from the nearest rest stop. Her father, not wanting to spend any more time in the rain than needed, decides to speed up a little in the hopes of arriving sooner. Nobody would have thought that it would be an issue, as the roads had been empty for most of the trip so far, but that would prove to be wrong. With all the rain, he failed to notice the deer that had just stepped onto the road until slightly too late. He swerves and successfully avoids the animal, but the wet ground fought against them and caused them to tumble into a ditch.

When Ash regained consciousness, the car was beat up and laying on its side, having flipped a few times over. Weakly, she manages to pull herself out of the busted window, adding even more cuts and bruises to her frail body. As she falls to the ground, head spinning and vision blurring, she glances inside the car to see her parents, completely still and covered in blood. Before she can make any sense of it, she passes out from blood loss.

Her vision slips in and out, creating a slideshow of the events to follow. A few shots of nothing. Click. Two pairs of feet near the car. Click. One pair is now closer, wearing combat boots. Click. The other pair, sneakers. Click. Both pairs, now next to her. Click. Long, curly black hair and set of golden eyes. Click. Then, black.

Pain

Searing and unrelenting pain. It floods her body in a wave, and is so powerful that she can’t think. Writhing and screaming for what feels like hours. Is there no end? Please, it hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

Please, it hurts so much.

Please.

How long has it been? It feels like weeks. Months even. It doesn’t stop. Why hasn’t she died yet?

Wait.

It’s subsiding. Is she dying? Is it finally over?

The pain lessens. Only a touch, but enough for some relief. Then, ever so slowly, it lessens more and more. When it’s finally over, she lies there. Unconscious, but peaceful.

She has a dream. It’s blurry, but, she sees a couple. A man with pale skin and bright blonde hair. His arm is around a woman. Same pale skin, with brown, almost red hair. They’re smiling warmly at her. Her head turns. There she sees four other people. All with the same pale skin. She feels happy to see them. One of them, a dirty blonde haired man, steps towards her and holds out his hand.

She wakes up. As her eyes adjust to her surroundings, she starts to panic. She’s in a log cabin that is completely unfamiliar to her. She sits up. Before she can survey any more of the room, she has another dream. This time, while shes awake.

The same scene as before, but shifted in perspective. Her hand is outstretched. She’s seeing through the dirty blonde’s eyes. In front of her is a short haired woman. She’s mesmerizing. As this short haired woman looks into her eyes, she feels warm. Like these people are family. The short haired woman smiles, and takes hold of the hand in front of her.

She comes back to reality, to the unfamiliar scene she found herself in. Her mind is racing. What is happening? Why did I see that? Who are they? Where am I? Shouldn’t I be dead? Before she can calm down, the door opens.

The black haired woman she saw at the scene of the car crash slowly comes in, but freezes when she sees Ash awake. Quickly, she shuts the door, and footsteps can be heard walking away. She comes back with a cup in her hands, and holds it in front of Ash’s face

“Please, drink this.”

“What’s going on? Who are you?”

“Before I answer any questions, I need you to drink this. You’re thirsty, right?”

Ash almost didn’t notice with all the chaos, but her throat is burning. She can smell the drink so strongly that it’s almost like it’s calling to her. She takes the cup and starts to drink as fast as she can without even looking at it first. Her thirst subsides enough to calm down a little.

“There, is that better?”

“Yeah, it helps.”

“My name is Helen. My partner, Jo, and I found you in that car wreck.”

“I… don’t really remember much of it.”

“And you probably won’t. Your life… it’s going to be very different from now on. You were dying. Holding on by a thread with the little strength you had. We saved you. Jo was against it, but, I couldn’t just let you suffer there…” Helen trails off. She looks down and remembers something. “Oh! Right, let me get you a change of clothing! I promise, when Jo comes back, we will explain everything.” Helen gets up and leaves the room.

Ash looks down. Her clothing is torn and covered in dried blood. Right. I guess she didn’t really get a chance to change. Helen returns with some clothing in her hands.

“Here you are! They might be a little big but that’s nothing a little alterations can’t fix!” She hands Ash the clothing and starts to walk out of the room. “Oh, by the way…” Helen looks at her feet, a little sheepish. “We never managed to find out your name.”

“Oh! Uh, Ash.”

Helen nods. “Ash. That’s a beautiful name. When you’re done, please, come on out.” She smiles, and leaves the room.

Ash’s thoughts keep racing through her head as she changes. I’m alive. I was saved. But, there’s so much I still need to know. The burning in her throat intensifies again. That drink she had earlier still lingering on her tongue.

Before she can leave the room, Ash hears muffled voices through the door. Curious, she places her ear to the door. It’s hard to make out fully, but she can hear some of what is being said.

Helen: “...woke up…”

???: “....thought…..wake up...tomorrow….”

Helen: “Go….hello”

Ash hears footsteps coming towards the door, and she backs away quickly. Helen knocks

“May I come in?”

“Oh! Yes, it’s fine!”

Helen opens the door and her eyes light up when she sees Ash.

“Oh, those clothes fit you well! I’m glad.” She shuffles to the side of the door to let someone else in. A tall, stocky woman enters the room. Red curly hair comes down just past her shoulders, and she’s wearing what seems to be hiking gear.

“Ash, this is Jo. My partner.” Helen introduces the two of you, a slightly nervous look on her face. The tall woman, who you now know is Jo, has a blank expression.

“Hey, uh, sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. We weren’t expecting you to come back to us so soon.” Jo mutters.

“That’s alright. I’m still not really sure what’s going on anyway…” Ash trails off, sensing a little but of tension in the air. Jo shoots Helen a look.

“Jo, she just woke up. I wasn’t sure how to handle it on my own.” Helen admits, head turning towards the floor. “Why don’t you come out into the dining room, Ash? We can explain everything there.” The pair walk out of the room, hand in hand.

She follows suit, walking into the main area of the cabin. It’s a lot larger than she expected when you compare it to the size of the room they were just in. Ash takes some time to take in the sights. From the paintings on the walls to the decorations all around the room. Slowly, she makes her way into the dining area, where there’s a table big enough to fit 10 or so people.

“Please, have a seat. I’ll get you some more food.” Helen walks to the kitchen while Jo sits at a chair. Ash isn’t quite sure where to sit, so she takes a spot just diagonal of Jo as to not make things weirder.

“How you feelin, kid?” Jo’s raspy voice cuts the silence like a hot knife, startling Ash slightly.

“Uh, not awful, I guess. My throat is killing me. I have this..very strong craving. I don’t exactly know what I need though…” Jo sighs.

“Yeah, I remember that feelin’. Don’t worry, it’ll be a bit more clear soon.”

Helen comes back with a pitcher and a few glasses on a tray, one glass already full and ready to be served.

“Here, Ash, drink this. It will help with that burning in your throat.” She encourages. Ash ignores the irresistible smell coming from the cup for a very short amount of time to examine the liquid. It's crimson in colour and thick. Without a second thought, she downs the whole glass.

“God, that's good.” She groans, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

“Huh...I’ve never seen a newborn with that much restraint.” Jo somewhat mumbles to herself.

“Yeah, they’re usually so...feral.” Helen murmurs, a puzzled look on her face as she gets lost in thought. The two give each other a quick look as they continue to think aloud.

“I guess she’s just different. It’s not like we’ve seen every newborn in the world.” Jo quips.

“You’re right. Hell, we haven’t even seen a gift with our own eyes. Just talk.” Helen replies.

“Um...I’m sorry to interrupt…” Ash quietly speaks up. The two turn their heads to her, looking like they forgot she was even in the room. “What’s going on? What do you mean by ‘newborn’? Like, a baby? And why can’t I stop thinking about...” She trails off before finishing her sentence, not wanting to say it out loud.

“It’s okay, Ash. It’s going to be alright.” Helen tries her best to comfort the younger girl. “Uh, this might sound really weird but-”

“Yer a bloodsucker.” Jo cuts Helen off.

“JO! What the fuck!”

“She deserves the truth and she deserves it straight.” Jo leans back in her chair, crossing her arms.

“Wh-what? Do you mean like...Dracula? Like, old legends and myths?” Ash’s brain is running a million miles a second, jumping from question to question and the overwhelming craving she has. “Is...that what I want so desperately right now? Is it blood?” Her heart would be pounding if it was even moving at all.

“Yes. Jo and I are vampires as well. That craving is going to stay for a while. When things get settles down, we were going to take you hunting.” Helen says, being careful to choose her words.

“Hunting? For...humans?”

“Oh, Lord, no! Jo and I only hunt animals. There are plenty here in Northern Alberta. We don’t touch humans”

“If you show that kind of restraint out there like you did in here, you shouldn’t have too much of a problem when it comes to feeding. Not many people up here, anyhow.” Jo reassures. Ash stays silent as she tries to sort out her own thoughts and process this new information.

The room stays silent for a minute or so, before Helen cuts through it.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m sorry for making you this way.” She puts her head down in remorse. “We smelled all the blood from the car crash. When we got there, the two in the car, who we assumed were your parents, were already dead. You were just lying there in the grass, hanging on within an inch of your life. I felt that you deserved a second chance. It was all my idea. I was the one to change you and I swear I will help you through this.” She says through gritted teeth, determined to finish what she started. Ash stares at her for a few seconds.

“Thank you. For giving me a chance. I’m still so confused, but I feel like I’m going to be okay now.” She smiles warmly at Helen. Helen smiles back, perking up at Ash’s words.

“Okay then, how’s about we try some hunting?” Jo remarks, standing up from the table. Helen and Ash follow suit. As Ash stands, another vision comes to her.

It’s the same set of people, but in a slightly different scenario, They’re all sitting together in one big living space, talking and laughing. The scene pans over and she sees the same beautiful woman from before. The woman looks at her and smiles warmly. Ash is filled with a strong feeling of love from looking at her.

The vision fades and Ash comes back to the real world to find Jo and Helen staring at her.

“Sweetheart, what just happened? Did you see something?” Helen asks, walking over to the dazed girl and placing a hand on her back. “Please, tell me.”

Ash explains the visions that she has seen in great detail, even down to the colours of insignificant background pieces of furniture. Helen thinks on it before speaking.

“I think you may have a gift, Ash.” She says, smiling brightly to the girl.

“A gift?”

“Yes. Some of us have what we call ‘gifts’. I’ve heard of things like mind reading, future seeing, or, the ability to inflict pain without touching a person. Not everyone has a gift, so, you’re a bit special in that way.” Helen starts walking over to Jo.

“So, what gift do I have?” Ash questions.

“Well, we’re not completely sure. It could be future seeing. We would have to do a little bit of testing before we can figure it out.” Helen stretches out her hand. “For now, let’s go do some hunting, okay? You look parched.”

Ash takes it, and they walk out the door and into the dark of night.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The year was 1920 when Mary Alice Brandon (aged 19) was changed. She lost her memories, but her visions of the future were only intensified. Her first vision after changing was of herself and another vampire. She and this male vampire were close, holding each other and whispering into each other’s ears. She saw this, and could see that they were in love.

    Her second was of herself and this man together, surrounded by a beautiful family. They were all talking together. She knew that she belonged with them..

    Her last vision was vague. It was of herself, running through a forest. When she stops, she looks around. Then keeps running. She stops again, and looks around once more. Before she can take off, she comes face to face with a woman. Her dark red hair catches the eye of Mary Alice as it moves with the wind. They lock eyes for a moment, in shock.

    And it ends. She wants so desperately to see more, but nothing happens when she tries. She decides to set off in search of those she saw in her visions.

    Some time passes. She changes her name to just “Alice” and her search for the man from her visions finally comes to an end in 1948. He finally shows up at the empty diner they were fated to meet in and Alice is elated to finally see this mystery man, who she learns is named Jasper, in person. They bond and become closer than they could imagine, however, they both can tell that they aren’t meant to fall in love. They decide to stick together and brace this world with a newfound companionship.

    Two years later, they find the family from Alice’s vision. The Cullens, they were called. Carlisle was the oldest. A doctor with incredible restraint and a calming aura. His wife, Esme, who was gorgeous and caring. Edward, a somewhat closed off boy with the gift to read minds. Rosalie, a hardened woman who was given a second chance she didn’t want. Lastly, Emmett. A burly manly-man who is head over heels for Rosalie. They accepted Alice and Jasper into their home and into their hearts quickly, which meant the search was over.

    Alice spent the next few decades with the last of her visions in the back of her mind. She didn’t have any follow up to this mysterious girl and where she would be able to find her, so she would just sit and wait for another vision, like she had done so in the past.

    Then, one day, she finally got one.

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    The year is 1967, 5 years after Ash Davidson turned. Her newborn years have come and gone and she’s come to terms with her new life.

    With nowhere else to go, she still stays with nomads Jo and Helen, the women who replaced her parents after the change. They taught her how to hunt, and they answered every question Ash had about this new form.

    “Do we burn if we go in the sun?”

    “Nope, myth. But, our skin takes on a glittering effect that would give us away to any human who sees us, so be careful.”

    “Are we invisible in mirrors?”

    “Nope. You could have just checked that one yourself.”

    “Do we need to be invited to be able to enter someone’s house?”

    “Nah, that’s all folklore.”

    And so on. Every question they could answer, they did, as they guided this young vampire through her new life. Now, they’re helping her train her gift.

    “Okay, now, I want you to stay here in the house. Jo and I will leave and you’ll hear a loud noise. That’s your signal to start. You got that, Ash?” Helen, the black haired woman, is standing outside of the door to the log cabin that has become home with Jo, ready to start training for the day.

    “I got it. Listen for the noise and start.” Ash gives her a thumbs up and watches as the two of them disappear into the woods. After a few seconds, a loud crack can be heard from the direction they headed, and Ash takes that as her cue.

    Ash closes her eyes and focuses on Jo. She searches for her in the woods, winding through the trees and bushes until she finds her.

    Ash opens her eyes and finds herself in the woods, leaning against a tree. She looks to her left and sees a small tree trunk cracked in half. In her hands, she’s got a piece of wood and a knife and is whittling something. When she looks up, she sees Helen, who seems to be speaking gibberish.

    “Wolf. Hairbrush. Scalpel. Orange. Baseball. Zebra.” Helen is repeating this set of words in this exact order, with her fingers making numbers to match. Wolf is three, hairbrush is five, scalpel is ten, orange is two, baseball is one and zebra is ten again. Helen repeats this pattern  a total of 5 times.

    “Okay, I think we should be good.” Helen says, as she turns around and heads back in the direction of the cabin.

    Ash blinks and she’s back to where she was, standing in the living room of her home. She waits for a few minutes before she hears the other two return and open the front door.

    “So?’ Jo says, as she walks towards Ash, holding a knife and a piece of wood in her hands. “Whatcha got?”

    Ash repeats the six words and their numbered counterparts exactly as she saw them back to Jo and Helen. Helen beams

    “Oh, sweetheart, that was perfect! You did so good! You were faster than ever, too!” Helen wraps her arms around Ash in an embrace.

    “Yeah, good job, kid.” Jo mumbles, staring down at her project. Ash closes her eyes again and looks through Jo’s for only a second before coming back.

    “Jo, I know you’re happy, too. No need to hide it anymore.” Ash puts on a sly grin as Jo shoots her a glare, and mumbles something to herself about “that damn kid and her gift”.

    For the years to come, Ash would train her gift to the point to where she didn’t have to search for the person she wanted to find, she could just focus on them and see what they do. She tried endlessly to see any of the people from her first activation, but to no avail. She wouldn’t get anything until a little over a decade later, in 1979. The same year that Alice Cullen finally had her second vision of the dark red haired woman.

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    It’s been 29 years since Alice and Jasper joined the Cullen family, 31 years since they met and 59 years since Alice turned and had her very first visions of the future as a vampire. 59 long years that she waited for something to turn up about the woman she saw in her visions. Alice knew that this woman would mean something to her. She just wanted to know more.

    When the vision came, she stopped dead. She was out hunting with Jasper, Edward, and Esme. Along with them was Tanya from the Denali coven, another vegetarian group that the Cullens have been staying with for quite some time now.

    Edward, who had become accustomed to when Alice had a particularly important vision, clued in instantly and was watching with her.

    She saw herself following the dark red haired girl through the woods and up to a cabin. She took in the sights and noted the cabin as the girl led her inside. Alice sees two other women, both vegetarian vampires.

    The vision ends and Alice can barely stand. Finally, a clue. A big one, at that.

    “Alice, that was the girl, wasn’t it?” Edward asks, knowing all about Alice’s search from her own thoughts. Alice nods lightly, and Esme drops to her side.

    “Girl? What girl?” Tanya questions. Jasper cuts in.

    “When Alice turned, she had three visions. One of myself, one of the Cullens, and one of another vampire girl. She’s been searching for this girl for almost 60 years with nothing to go on. This is the first time since then that she’s seen her.”

    “This girl, is she friend or foe?” Tanya asks, nervous about the intentions of this stranger.

    “We don’t know. We just know that she’s important to Alice.” Esme pipes up, her hand on Alice’s back, comforting her.

    “I think I know where she is.”  Alice says quietly. Edwards follows.

        “That cabin, we saw it on our way up to Alaska, didn’t we?” Alice nods.

    “I think so. Tanya, do you know of any other vegetarians nearby? The three I saw all had golden eyes like us.” Tanya shakes her head.

    “Not that I know of, but, Carmen and Eleazar might. We separate when hunting and they may have come across some nomads before. I can ask when we get back.” Alice nods, then stands up.

    “Okay, let’s get back to hunting. I’ll need to be at full energy if I’m going to look for her.”

    “You mean we, right?” Jasper raises his eyebrow at her. Alice shakes her head.

    “I’m sorry, but I think I need to do this alone. She might get scared if a cavalry shows up looking for her.” 

    “We can’t just let you go alone! We don’t know her intentions, or why she’s important to you.” Jasper raises his voice, his concern growing as the conversation continues.

    “What if she’s important because she’s the one who kills you, Alice? We don’t know anything about her because you haven’t had any visions.” Edward chimes in.

“She won’t. I know it.” Alice says, getting more and more frustrated.

“No, you don’t! If you knew for sure, then I would know, too!” Edward yells.

“I can just feel it, okay? You have to trust me!” Alice yells back, getting into Edwards face.

Jasper puts himself between them and places one hand on each of their shoulders. Instantly, the tension dies down.

“Stop, you two. Alice, don’t you think it would be smarter if someone came along with you? They can just watch from a distance. She doesn’t even have to see them.” Jasper asks, hoping to convince her.

“Fine.” Alice caves, knowing fully well that they won’t give up on it. “But, they have to stay far enough back that she won’t know anyone’s there.”

“Then, I’ll do it.” Edward offers. “That way, I can hear what she’s thinking and step in if i need to.”

“You won’t need to…” Alice mumbles under her breath as everyone prepares to finish their hunting trip.

Edward says nothing when Alice’s thoughts are filled with protests to the idea. “Okay, let’s get going. I think there’s some deer to the north.”

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The day that would change Ash’s life forever. It started out normal. At sunrise, she sat outside and watched the sun come up through the trees. A tradition she started after a few years of staying with the two nomads who found her. 

Then, using her power, she would check the perimeter to make sure no one was near the cabin by ‘expanding’ her senses to cover 100 metres all around the house, a skill that she developed while training.

When nothing was found, she went back into the house to do some cleaning. Dusting, vacuuming, etc. When she was finished with that, she would use her free time to do various other hobbies. Training her power, reading, or knitting. Those are what she was currently invested in.

Today, she decided to train for a bit. She wanted to try expanding her search radius from 100 metres to 200.

She goes back outside and sits down in the snow. Then, she closes her eyes and starts to expand her senses once again.

Within seconds, she hits the 100 mark. Slowly, from there, she pushes herself further. 101, 102, 103. It takes a few minutes but eventually, she hits 150. She opens her eyes and pulls back, happy with the results. She closes them again and goes a second time, hoping to speed up and to hit 200.

Although, this time, when she hits the 200 mark, she picks up on something.

When her vision returns, she running through the trees. On the surface, she’s calm and collected, but underneath, her emotions start running wild. Hopeful, but nervous. Excited, but worried.

Ash comes back to her own eyes and panics. Someone’s actually near the cabin for the first time since she’s turned and she has no clue what to do.

Thinking quickly, she closes her eyes once more and searches for more people. She gets a hit, someone who is a few metres behind the first person. All she can see through their eyes are the trees in front of them and the other blurry figure running through the forest. They’re extremely worried for the one they’re following.

She comes back after searching. Two other vampires, coming straight for the cabin. A situation she has never had to deal with until now.

She stands up. I have to take care of this on my own. Without alerting Jo and Helen, who are sitting blissfully unaware inside the cabin, she heads towards the unwanted guests.

Making sure to stay quiet, she slowly comes up to the place where she last saw them and hides behind a tree. Then, she enters the first person’s eyes. They’re standing in the middle of a clearing, looking around in circles for something.

“It was here, wasn’t it?” They say to themselves. It’s a female voice. Her emotions are still running wild, but this time, she’s more hopeful.

When this girl looks around, Ash notices that she’s not at all well hidden behind the tree she picked. As if on cue, the girl notices the same thing and slowly started to walk towards the tree.

Ash comes back to her own eyes. Her mind starts racing with all the options she has but as far as she can tell, none can end well. Taking matters into her own hands, she decides to confront them.

She quickly comes out from behind the tree, baring her teeth and ready to fight. And she sees it.

In front of her is a face she knows all too well. A face that she’s been searching for since she turned in 1962, 17 years ago. The face she knows as the ‘short haired woman’.

And she’s standing right in front of her.

Instantly, Ash notices the shocked expression on the short haired girl’s face.

“It’s you.” The woman says, unable to muster anything else.

“W-what?”

“I...I’ve been looking for you. For 60 years.”

“Si- you…” Ash sputters out, unable to stop the rapid thoughts going through her mind right now. Slowly, the girl gets closer and takes Ash’s hand into her own.

“I’m Alice.” She says, with a smile.

“I’m...I’m Ash. How...how did you find me?” Ash asks.

“My gift. When I turned, I saw you in a vision. I’m a future seer. I saw this place, that cabin, and you, just a few months ago. With the help of some friends, we were able to track you down.” Alice replies.

“You...you saw me? When you turned?”

“Yes. I knew somehow that you would be important to me. But, I couldn’t see you after that. I couldn’t see you no matter how hard I tried. Then, I finally did. And it brought me here.” Alice explains, her face beaming.

“I saw you when I turned, too. My gift allows me to see through someone else’s eyes, and to feel the emotions that they feel. I saw you, and a group of others. Then, I never found you again. I tried and tried but nothing happened.”

Alice brings her hand up to Ash’s face, caressing it lightly as tears form in her eyes, and smiles.

“We...saw each other? That means that our fates lead us together.” She says.

Ash nods, taking her own hands and placing them on top of Alice’s. Then, she remembers something.

“Wait. Someone was with you, right? Who was that? I can’t seem to find them anymore…”

“Oh! That was my brother, Edward. He was with me just in case out meeting didn’t go well. I think he backed off once he realized that things were okay.”

Ash closes her eyes and quickly checks on Jo and Helen to make sure they’re still okay. When it’s confirmed, she grabs Alice’s hand.

“Come with me. I want you to meet my family.” She says, as she pulls Alice behind her towards the cabin.

Periodically, Ash looks back at Alice. Sometimes, in disbelief that she’s even here. Sometimes, she just wants to keep looking at Alice’s face. She’s even more beautiful in person.

When they reach the cabin, Ash stops.

“Wait out here, okay? I want to explain the situation first.” She says. Alice nods in response.

Ash lets go of her hand and opens the door to the cabin.

“Jo? Helen? Where are you guys?” She calls out to the two nomads. She could easily find them with her gift, but the last time she tried that, she found them having sex. After that, she decided just to ask.

“We’re in the kitchen!” Helen calls out.

When Ash enters the kitchen, she sees the two of them sitting at the island, talking to each other.

“Oh, so you guys decided this room wasn’t getting enough attention?” She quips. Helen laughs.

“We just decided to switch it up for once.”

“Alright, so. I gotta talk to you two about something.” Ash says, her voice growing a but shaky.

“Hey, what’s up, kid?” Jo asks with a worried expression on her face.

“Okay, don’t get mad. I was training my power earlier. Y’know, trying to expand my search radius. When I managed to hit 200 metres, I, uh...I got a hit.”

Jo stands up.

“You WHAT?”

“Just calm down! Everything’s alright, I dealt with it myself.” Ash tries to reassure Jo, but fails.

“You dealt with it ALONE? We told you to tell us if you found something!” Jo yells. Helen stands up and grabs her arm.

“I know! But, I wanted to deal with this on my own. I figured that if things went south, I could yell loud enough for you to hear me.” Ash jumps back at the sound of Jo’s booming voice.

“What happened, Ash? Who were they?” Helen steps in.

“Well, that’s the funny part. Hold on a second.” Ash says, quickly running to the door and bringing Alice inside.

“You guys…” She says as she pulls the shorter girl behind her into the kitchen.

“This is Alice.”

Jo and Helen are silent as they stare at Alice, who smiles brightly back at them.

“Hello. I’m Alice Cullen of the Olympic coven. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Alice greets them and curtsies with a nonexistent dress.

Jo and Helen don’t respond. Instead, they eye her over from head to toe. Helen takes notice of her features and it clicks.

“Ash, is this…” Before Helen can finish her question, Ash nods.

“It’s her. Alice is the girl from my vision. She found me.” Ash smiles wide. Helen starts to tear up.

“Oh my gosh...it’s really her? You’ve been looking for her for so long…”

“Well, she’s been looking longer.” Ash retorts.

“60 years, to be exact.” Alice says.

“60 years? Oh wow. How did this all happen?” Helen asks. The two spend some time explaining the whole situation to Jo and Helen. How they both saw each other, about Alice’s vision, and the meeting. When they’re all caught up, Jo is smiling to herself while Helen is basically full on sobbing.

“You two...this must be fate pulling the two of you closer together.” Helen says through her tears.

“Nah, this is just some freaky bloodsucker coincidence.” Jo shoots back with a quip, smirking. Helen smacks her arm.

“Jo! Stop that.” Everyone laughs.

“Well, I think we should give these two some privacy. Ain’t that right, Helen?” Jo shoots Helen a look.

“Right! We’ll let you two talk alone. I think you both probably have things you want to talk about.” Helen and Jo get up and leave the room for their own.

“Come on, it’s getting dark. I want to go sit under the stars.” Ash grabs Alice’s hand once again and brings her back outside. Together, they find a spot in perfect view of the sunset and sit down in the snow.

They spend the whole night talking to each other. About their lives before and after turning, their gifts, their families. Any topic they could think of they had a conversation about. Through the whole night, they grow closer and closer. By the time the sun comes up, they both can tell that they’re meant to be together. Whether it’s love or friendship, it doesn’t matter. They’re supposed to be together. Right here and now.

As dawn breaks, they stop talking to admire the sunrise. Alice rests her head on Ash’s shoulder and grabs her hands in her own. Together they sit, peacefully in the glow of the morning sun.

In a window from the cabin, Helen can be seen watching the two of them huddling together.

“I think those two are mates.” She says to herself. Jo lets out a loud laugh.

“Ya think? Hel, the whole time that Alice would talk, the kid couldn’t take her damn eyes off of her.” Helen giggles in response.

“Yeah, you’re right. Alice did the same exact thing.”

“So did you when we met. Every time I’d look back, you would turn your head so damn quick but those curls gave you away.” Jo laughs to herself.

“Yeah, yeah. Not like yours did you any favours.” Helen snaps back. Together, they laugh as they reminisce about their pasts.

When day fully breaks, Alice suggests that Ash come up to Alaska to meet the Cullens, since Alice already got to meet her family. After a long talk, Jo and Helen caved and agreed. They lectured her for hours before they left.

“Remember, try not to let anyone see you in the sun.”

“And don’t go using your gift all willy-nilly, alright? Save it for when it’s needed.”

“And find some food before you go! You’re going to need your energy for the trip!”

After lots of “yeah” and “I know”, they set off. A few yards from the cabin, they meet up with Edward, who stayed just far enough to hear them just in case something went bad. I think this one’s the mind reader, right? I still remember his face. Ash thinks to herself. Edward chuckles.

“Yeah, this one’s the mind reader.”

Ash gasps and instinctively throws her hands over her mouth even though it wouldn’t help at all.

“It’s alright. I hear worse on a daily basis.” Edward laughs again. “So, what did you mean that you ‘still remember my face’?”

While on the road, Ash shares her story to Edward. She describes everyone she saw in her vision while Edward and Alice tell her who they are.

“So, the blonde man and the dark brown haired woman? I assume they’re a couple.”

“Yup, that’s Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle is the one who turned most of us.” Edward says.

“They’re basically our parents. At least, they are when we’re living normal lives” Alice chimes in.

“And the beautiful blonde woman with the burly man?”

“That’s Rosalie and Emmett. They’re mates as well.” Alice explains.

“Yeah, Rosalie can be a bit harsh so don’t take anything she says to heart. Emmett’s a manly guy. He’s the strongest out of all of us by far. Might want to fight you when you meet.” Edward warns.

“That leaves...the dirty blonde man. I’m guessing that’s Jasper.”

“Yeah! He’s the one I told you about. How we met after I turned.” Alice beams when talking about Jasper.

“Right! Your partner in crime.” Ash retorts.

Suddenly, Alice stops. She stares into nothing as she has a vision. Edward quickly watches along, looking concerned, but his face softens as he sees it as well. Ash, seeing the two of them, decided to try something. She closes her eyes and focuses on Alice’s. When she gets her bearings, she sees nothing but the forest that Alice is staring at.

She focuses a little harder. Slowly, a vague outline of something starts to show. A group of people. She can’t see their faces, just their outlines. Then, the vision ends.

Alice and Edward are smiling together while Ash adjusts back to her own eyes.

“What was that, Alice? I tried to see it too, but, I just got some blurry outlines.” Ash asks.

“Wait, you saw something? From my vision?”

“I think so. I saw maybe 7 or 8 people. I think they were people…” Ash trails off, trying to remember all that she saw. Alice’s eyes widen.

“Yes! I had a vision of us! Of you meeting my family! You can see my visions!” Alice yells excitedly and she clasps her hands onto Ash’s shoulders.

“Yeah, I guess I can…” Ash trails off, thinking of how she could start training this aspect of her gift.

“Wait a second. What is your gift again?” Edward asks, confused by the conversation.

“Oh! I guess I never fully explained it. I can see through someone else’s eyes. Let’s say you were looking at Alice while I was 100 feet away staring at a tree or something. I could put your vision into my mind and see Alice from your point of view. Does that make sense?” Ash rambles.

“Yeah, I think I get it. Actually, I’d like to try something. Alice, could you walk a few feet away from us and look in our direction? Make sure you can see the both of us.” Edward requests of her. Alice looks puzzled, but obliges.

“Okay, Ash, can you look through her eyes for a second?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” Ash replies, catching on to what Edward is trying to do. She closes her eyes and pops into Alice’s. She can see herself and Edward from between some trees.

“Alright, I got it.”

“Okay good. Now let me just-” Edward cuts himself off with a gasp.

“I can see what Alice sees. From your mind. I can see us.” He says, a hint of excitement in his voice. “This could be a good strategy for hunting.”

“Yeah, it could be.” Ash says, distracted by her own gift. While what she can see may be fairly boring, her ability to feel emotions is overwhelmed by Alice. Her heart is so full of love for the two that, for the first time, Ash can’t handle feeling two people’s emotions at the same time. Quickly, she cuts the connection and returns to her own body.

“Did-did you feel any of that?” She asks Edward, feeling physically strained from this exercise.

“Feel? I can only see, I can’t ‘feel’ anything when I read someone’s mind. What did you feel?”

“My gift lets me see someone else’s eyes while also feeling their emotions. The emotional response was too much, I had to stop.” Ash says, plopping to the ground to get her bearings. Alice sprints over to the two of them.

“What happened? Are you okay?” She asks, worry flooding her voice.

“I’m alright, I’m alright. I just wasn’t expecting such strong emotions from that.” Ash leans against a tree to relax for a minute. Alice’s face washes over with an embarrassed look.

“I’m sorry. I was just...so happy that you two were getting along…” Alice trails off, covering her face with her hands. Ash laughs.

“It’s alright. It’s not your fault. I’m just not trained enough to handle it yet.” Ash reassures Alice as she stands back up. “Okay, let’s get this show back on the road. I think it’s time for a meal.”

The three of them spend a day hunting for food in the woods. Edward and Ash decide to test out their new strategy by having Alice go ahead and send animals towards them while they wait to trap them. It works out well enough, but the constant use of her power drains Ash of all her energy.

“Sorry, I’m not used to using my power so much. I never really used it back with Jo and Helen.”

“You didn’t use it much? Most vampires use their powers as much as possible in the first 25 years. Then, they usually get bored of it.” Edward says.

“I just...never really had the chance to. It was just us three out there, so there wasn’t much to see really. The only time I ever really used it was when I was training.” Ash mumbles to herself.

“Surely, you must have encountered other vampires, right? You would have used it then.” Edward asks. Ash shakes her head.

“So far, you two are the only other vampires I’ve met other than Jo and Helen. You guys showing up at my cabin was the first time I ever had to try to defend us. Luckily, there didn’t have to be any fight, but…” She trails off.

“But, you still don’t know what to do in case someone malicious does show up.” Edward replies, having heard from her thoughts. Ash nods.

“Well then, we’ll have to teach you then.” Alice pipes up. “We’ve dealt with our fair share of nomads. Usually, you won’t have any problem with other vampires. Those who feed on humans may show up hoping to find some, but will leave if they realize there are none around. Others tend to think that you’re in their territory. That would be the only time you may have to fight someone.” Alice gives a lecture of the ins and outs of fighting other vampires. She lists off reasons another vampire may want to fight, different techniques, and how to thoroughly kill a vampire.

“Do you have any experience with fighting vampires?” Alice asks.

“Uh, Jo and Helen taught me some basics before the end of my time as a newborn, but, that’s about it.” Alice sighs. It’s like they never wanted her to leave the cabin…. Her eyes widen as she thinks of something.

“Wait, have you ever been around humans?”

“Oh, yeah! We have to go into town sometimes to pick things up. The first time was extremely hard on me, but Jo and Helen were there with me so it helped. After a while, I got used to it.” Alice puts her hand to her chin, wanting to ask another question but isn’t sure how to bring it up.

“Have you ever had human blood before?” Edward asks suddenly, startling Alice. After reading her mind, Edward decided it would be best to just outright ask.

“Yes. I had human blood on my first day as a newborn. I didn’t kill anyone for it. I didn’t turn anyone for it, either. Helen gave it to me in a cup. She’s close with the nearest town’s doctor and was able to convince him to give her a pint. After that, we hunted for the first time and they told me all about how animal blood won’t be as satisfying, but it does the job. Trust me, I’m not that secluded from the world. Jo and Helen know a lot and have taught me so much.”

Edward nods and takes a step back, satisfied with her answer, and gestures Alice to continue.

They spend the few days it takes to get to Alaska talking about how to defend yourself against other vampires, stopping every so often to practice together. It’s a long journey but, eventually, they arrive back at the Olympic-Denali coven household. As soon as the enter the door, they’re greeted by Esme, who comes over and brings both Edward and Alice into a big hug.

“Oh, I’m so glad you two are finally home. I’ve missed you guys.” She says, holding them tight.

“Esme, come on. We were only gone for like a week.” Edward says, embarrassed. Esme laughs.

“I know, I know. Everyone was just worried.” She says, as she loosens her grip. Then, she turns to look at Ash.

“Esme, this is Ash.” Edward introduces them. Esme shoots Alice a quick look, and Alice nods in response.

“Hi, It’s nice to meet you.” Ash says, holding out her hand. Instead, Esme pulls her into hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. You’re like a local legend around here.” Esme laughs to herself. Ash giggles back.

“Well, it’s nice to finally put the rumours to rest.”

Then, the rest of the Cullens come bounding towards the door, all ready to greet their family members after the trip. They all huddle together to say their greetings.

“Welcome home, you two.” Says Carlisle, as he wraps an arm around Esme.

“Yeah, we thought you two mighta died out there.” Says Emmett, as he punches Edward in the arm.

“Well, we’re just glad you’re safe.” Says Jasper.

Carlisle turns to their guest. “So, I think we can all guess who this is.”

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet Ash. You may all know her as the infamous Red Haired Girl.” Alice says as she wraps an arm around Ash’s waist. Ash chuckles.

“Funny. In my house, you were Short Haired Girl.” She looks at Alice and smiles.

“So, Ash, this is-”

“Wait. I want to try this myself.” Ash cuts Alice off.

“Let’s see. This-” She points to Carlisle. “- is Carlisle. He’s got his arm around Esme. This-” She points again, this time at Emmett. “- is Emmett. Next to him is Rosalie. And way in the back must be Jasper.” She point once more to Jasper, who’s looking a bit disinterested. Everyone nods in response.

“Well, I see you’ve done your research.” Carlisle says.

“Well, I think Ash and I have a story to tell everyone. Could we move this into the living room?” Alice starts to usher everyone away from the front door and into the living room, where they share their story one more. They explain their visions and their meeting, and talk about what they did at the cabin. They all talk for hours. Soon, the conversation lands back on the ‘local legend’.

“I swear, she thought about you night and day. I would go weeks sometimes only hearing her thinking about finding you, or even just replaying that vision in her head over and over. It was like a broken record sometimes.” Everyone laughs along with Edward’s story as Alice holds her face in embarrassment.

“Well, Edward was the only one who actually knew what you looked like. The rest of us just had to take their words for it.” Rosalie comments. “Honestly, I sometimes thought maybe you weren’t even real.” She laughs to herself.

“Oh, Rosalie. Let’s be fair to Alice, she has been hoping to find her for 59 years.” Carlisle pipes up, placing a comforting hand on Alice’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I got the lucky side of this deal. I’ve only been hoping for 17.” Ash says, grabbing Alice’s hand and squeezing it, hoping to make her feel better.

“How did it happen, anyway?” Jasper cuts in from the other side of the room, silencing everyone.

“Jasper, you can’t just-” Edward’s about to tell Jasper off before Ash cuts it short.

“It’s fine. Do you mean ‘how did I die?’” Jasper nods.

“Well. I was in a car crash. In 1962. My parents and I were driving down country roads in the rain one night. Almost hit a deer. We swerved a little too much to avoid it and landed in a ditch. When Jo and Helen found me, my parents were already dead, but I was still hanging on. Just barely. They decided to give me a second chance.” Ash’s voice lowers as she recounts her past, still fresh in her mind.

“How old were you?” Jasper asks.

“Twenty. Just a few months shy of twenty one.”

“...Sorry.” Jasper puts his head down.

“It’s fine. I have to face it. It happened. Now, I can move on and live different lives.” Ash says, flashing a small smile at Jasper. Quickly, the conversation shifts to a different topic.

When the conversation picks back up and becomes lively once again, Ash gets an idea. She closes her eyes and connects to Jasper for only a second before opening them again. Just long enough to get a hit on his current emotions and to disguise as a blink. In that split second, she noticed a lot of different emotions, none of them positive. The only one she could identify was worry. It was the strongest out of the bunch, thus she picked up on it first.

Edward on the opposite side of the room as them notices the commotion in their thoughts and clues in.

Why does it seem like he’s been hounding me since I got here? What’s going on in that guys head?

Well that’s obvious. Edward thought to himself. He’s extremely protective of Alice.

Jasper’s thoughts, on the other hand, were a different story.

What the hell was that? What the fuck did I just feel? He shoots Ash a look. What gift does she have and why did she just use it on me?

Edward smirks to himself at this new information, and decides to stay silent.

“By the way, Ash, you said you saw a vision of Alice, right?” Jasper speaks up again. Ash turns to him and nods.

“Alice saw you because of her gift. I’m just wondering. What kind of gift do you have? It may seem strange, but, I thought I could feel it just now.” Jasper calls her out.

“Actually, my gift is the ability to see through someone else’s eyes. If you were in the other room, I could describe every inch of it without having ever set foot in it. All from your vision.” Ash replies, turning her body towards him.

“Is that what that was then, you were looking into my eyes?” Jasper accuses.

“Actually, Jasper, the reason I connected with you was to figure out what the hell you were feeling. I can pick up on your emotions as well and I’ll be honest, you’ve been giving me dirty looks all night and I just wanted to know what was going on.” Ash snaps back at him. Alice reaches her hand up and grabs Ash’s arms. A few moments pass without a word said in the room before Jasper stomps over to Ash and grabs her hand, pulling her out of the room. Alice stands up to protest but Edward stops her, reassuring that they’ll be fine.

Jasper pulls her into another room and slams the door shut. Then, he takes a second to calm himself down, which by proxy also calms Ash down.

“Listen. Alice has been looking for you since the day she turned almost 60 years ago. I’ve been with her almost since day one. I love her to death and I couldn’t imagine how she would feel after finally finding you. Forgive me for being skeptical, but, I can’t help but keep her best interest in mind.” Jasper explains to her while pacing the room.

“Jasper. I know. I know about how you and Alice were together before joining the Cullens. I know how close you are because she talked about you so much. I know how much you care about each other, so I can understand why you were worried. You have to remember. I’ve been looking for her, too. Maybe not as long, but I had those same feeling she did. The worry, the hope. Everything she felt, I did too. Not just her, but all of you. I saw all of you in my vision. Your feelings are completely justified because if I was on your side of this equation, I would be scared too.”

Jasper sighs. He walks over to Ash and grabs her hand into his.

“I know the love you two share. I know you’re not going to hurt her. From the moment you two walked in the door, I could feel the joy radiating off of the both of you. I just want Alice to be happy and safe. I know now that with you, she will be.” Jasper shows a small smile before letting go of her hands. Then, Ash puts one out for a handshake.

“Let’s start over. Hi, I’m Ash.”

Jasper chuckles and grasps the hand with his. “I’m Jasper. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

The two of them share a laugh. Ash closes her eyes and connects to Alice.

“We should get back. Alice is so worried, I think she might explode.” She says.

“Whoa.” Jasper clutches at his chest.

“Hey, you alright?” Ash asks as she cuts the tie with Alice. Jasper let’s go and stands up straight.

“I think...I think I felt what Alice was feeling. Through you.” He says. “Hey, try someone else.”

Ash obliges and connects to Esme. Her heart is also filled with worry, but it’s mixed together with the overwhelming love she has for her family.

“Whoa. Okay, that much love and worry in one place? That’s gotta be Esme.” Jasper says, taken aback by the force of her emotions.

“Yup. She’s got a lot of love packed inside of her.” Ash opens her eyes and cuts the connection. “So, uh, that’s pretty cool. Edward can see the visuals, you can feel the emotions.” Ash comments as she stares at nothing and gets lost in her own mind, thinking of ways that this information could benefit them. Jasper grins.

“This could be useful for fighting…” He trails off as does the same. They stand there in silence for a moment, lost in thought, before Jasper snaps out of it.

“Hey, we should get back out there. They’ll be worried.”

“Oh! Right.” Ash opens the door and steps out.

As they both turn the corner, Alice’s eyes lock on to the both of them, hoping to figure out what happened in there. The two of them laugh together before joining the rest of the group, and the weight lifts off of Alice’s chest as she sees them acting friendly. As Ash approaches, Alice grabs her arm.

“How did it go?” She asks quietly. Ash chuckles

“It went great. Things are fine now.” Ash smiles widely at Alice, hoping to reassure her. Alice sighs in relief and smiles back.

The hours pass as they all talk together, laughing and joking like they’ve known Ash for years. When night falls, people start to split off to do their own things, and eventually it’s down to just Carlisle and Esme together with Alice and Ash.

“So, I think it’s safe to say you two are mates, am I right?” Esme asks.

Alice and Ash share a look and nod to each other.

“Yeah, I think we are.” Alice replies.

“Then, where do you two go from here?” Carlisle cuts in, looking concerned. “It’s hard for mates to stay away from each other after they’ve found one another. Ash, you have a family in Canada, right?”

“Yes, I do.” Ash answers.

“Have you thought about what would happen in this situation?” He asks. Ash thinks for a moment.

“No, not really. At least, we didn’t talk about it…” She trails off.

“How about you, Alice?” Esme asks.

“No, I haven’t either. Because this is my family. I couldn’t ever imagine leaving you all.” Alice says with a confident look on her face, that then subsides when she realizes what’s at stake here. She looks down at Ash who is still lost in thought. “What about you?”

“I...I love Jo and Helen. They taught me everything about this new situation I’ve found myself in and raised me to become who I am right now. But...I hate myself for even saying this. I think I belong here. In the Olympic coven. When I saw you all in my vision, you felt like family to me. Then, I actually met you all, and it was like seeing an old friend for the first time in years. And, I didn’t want to let go of that. I still don’t.” Ash rants for a while, trying to make sense of her feelings as the words spill out of her mouth. After she finishes, Carlisle nods.

“I think I can speak for most of us when I say that we all felt the same way as well. I truly believe you belong here with us. But, there is no rush. It’s your choice.” Carlisle says as he stands up and grabs Esme’s hand, leading the two of them out of the room to let Ash and Alice talk.

Ash leans back in her chair and sighs loudly.

“You know, I can come live with you too.” Alice says, hoping to break some of the tension. Ash shakes her head.

“No. Alice, I’ve already made up my mind. I want to be here. I really do think I belong here with you. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell Jo and Helen.” Ash sighs again. Alice leans over and kisses her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it in the process. When Alice pulls away, she smiles.

“Just remember, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here now.”

Ash smiles widely and grabs Alice’s face, pulling her in for another kiss.

“We’ll come up with a plan.” Alice mumbles against Ash’s lips. She pulls away. “Remember, we still have a week to think about it.” Ash grins at Alice’s reassurance.

“Come on.” Alice says, standing up and grabbing Ash’s hand. “I still haven’t shown you my room.”

Ash smiles again as she’s pulled along by Alice up the stairs.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The week goes by quicker than Ash thought it would, and if she had any doubts about her decision to stay with the Cullens, they were gone before she could make it back to her own place.

    With a few hugs from the Cullens, Ash and Alice head out the door to return to Alberta for what may be the last time.

    Time passes, and soon enough, they arrive at the little cabin in the woods. When they get to the door, Ash stops for a second to compose herself.

    “You alright?” Alice asks, wrapping her arm around the other’s waist and pulling her close.

    “Yeah, I think so. This might be the hardest conversation I’ve ever had to have.” Ash sighs, trying to muster up the courage to open up the door. After a few deep breaths, she puts her hand on the knob and twists.

    “Guys! I’m ho-” Ash cuts herself off in surprise.

    “Ash?” Alice walks in beside her.

    On the floor next to the door are 4 suitcases, stacked up and open, revealing the contents inside. Clothes, trinkets, books, etc. All items that belong to Ash.

    “What...the fuck?” Ash thinks aloud.

    “Surprised ya, didn’t we?” Helen’s voice can be heard as she steps into the room with a smirk on her face, Jo trailing behind.

    “What is all this?” Ash asks, unable to process what she sees in front of her.

    “Sweetie, it’s your stuff. Pack and ready for the big move. Our little birdie is finally leaving the nest!” Helen turns to Jo as she says this last line and wipes away a fake tear from her eye.

    “How...did you know?”

    “Ash, it ain’t that hard to figure out. You and Alice are mates. You two would never want to be separated ever again after finding each other. And the way that you spoke about the Cullens in your vision made it all the more obvious to us. They’re your family.” Jo speaks up from the back.

    “But, what about you guys? I mean, you basically raised me from my second birth. You’re both okay with this?”

    “Well, of course we are! Ash, we love you. As they saying goes ‘If you love something, you gotta let it go.’ It’s time to let you go, sweetie. Besides, it’s not like you can’t come visit us!” Helen replies enthusiastically, with a giant grin on her face. Ash turn to Alice, a soft smile on her face.

    “Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.” She laughs. Ash walks to Helen and Jo and gives them both a big hug. “Thank you. For everything.”

    “Now, come on Ash, you’re not leaving yet! Stay for a while and we can all have a chat.” Jo waves them all into the kitchen where they sit at the island and talk for hours. When the sun starts to set, they know that time is now up.

    Ash and Alice stand at the door, carrying Ash’s suitcases. They turn back to Jo and Helen, and give them a nod, before heading off towards their future, together with the Olympic coven.

[bisymmetra]

i. title: détente

ii. fandom: overwatch

iii. characters/ships: jack morrison, ; gen, background ships, might be reaper76 if i make this a thing but rn it’s shipless

iv. warnings: uh, discussion of ptsd/panic attacks/nightmares, but like vaguely? like nothing triggery really but if youre sensitive, brief mention of alcohol, more specific champagne and the pop of it setting off a panic attack

v. tags: dogs, im using forty nine for jack’s age bc the timeline’s all over and i put 45 - 55 in a rng and got forty nine, angela ziegler has #connections, this is five pages and just short of 2k words wtf, tenatively, bonnie the dog, therapy dog, this is jack centered tbh but if i write more hana’s getting a cat, idk if i truly like this

vi. summary: “Uh,” Jack says, the stumble coming out before he can stop it. “That’s a dog.”

“It sure is,” Angela says agreeably, depositing it in his arms and sipping her coffee. “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s June,” he deadpanned, as the wriggling little thing laps at his visor.

vii. notes: i wrote this in an hour and i dont know if i truly like it but bonnie the dog is a thing now. i literally just listened to alberta by eric clapton while writing this. will be on ao3 in half an hour. @snowsheba​ saw these hcs that inspired this first. 

It’s four in the morning the first time he tells Angela about the dreams.

Nightmares, really. The kind that leave him grasping at catching his breath, the sweat on his brow chilly wet and clingy in the Spanish night. The kind that leaves your heart thrumming in his ears. He doesn’t - he doesn’t think this is anything important, really. It should be expected, really. He’s old, now, and he’s been military for forty damn years. He’s seen some shit.

Most people who got up real early to find him already awake didn’t question it - dreams of their own, he guessed, or maybe just expecting career military to be up at the crack of dawn. And they weren’t wholly wrong - years on a farm and years in the military have him waking up earlier than most the base, on the nights where he doesn’t wake up around two or three.

It’s the fourth time that Angela’s woken up at three in the morning to find him awake. The kitchen. this time. The practice range twice before, and once in between that in one of the commons, a book on his lap. (He didn’t much like being there, on one of those nights, but he’d had a nightmare about an incident in Kuwait, and the walls of the room had been suffocating. Hana had also been sitting there, playing some vintage game in the low light. He figured they were there for similar reasons, and didn’t say a word for hours.)

“Jack,” Angela said. The clock on the wall is a bright, neon blue 3:49 AM. Jack, to his credit, manages to look up from his coffee and at her. In the fluorescent kitchen light, her dark circles look more prominent, the mess of her hair tied in a loose not. She has a bottle of water in her hand. She looks exhausted. Momentarily, he wonders how much sleep she’s getting, then feels like a hypocrite.

“Angela,” he musters, swallowing. “Lovely morning.”

“The sun won’t be up for another few hours,” she said. “Why are you up?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says, which - it isn’t a lie, really. He couldn’t get back to sleep, after tonight.

“Doesn’t seem like you ever do,” she says, sliding down across from him. “That’s not good for your health.”

“I get a few hours,” he says. Three and a half, tonight. “Could be worse.”

“Jack,” she admonishes. “This isn’t - have you been dreaming?”

“Most people do sometimes,” he says, which - technically correct, but not what she’s asking. There is a beat, which is mostly filled with Angela frowning deeply at him and Jack staring at his coffee. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Except it doesn’t really work, because Angela is phenomenal at seeing through bullshit, and this isn’t the first accident she’s seen. (There was once, with a bottle of champagne, and the noise and laughing sounds like screaming so easily and. Jack had excused himself, mumbling, hands shaking. Angela had followed when everyone was distracted. Angela knows. How could he think he could win at lying to her?)

“There are people who can help with - everything,” she says. “I know a few that are - they’re good.” Jack fixates on everything but Angela’s face, feeling naked without the visor. He instead stares at where her neck meets her shoulder, the marks Fareeha had left. There’s a stain on her shirt’s collar, of what’s chocolate, coffee, or blood. It’s dried brown, almost reddish brown in the light. Out the window, the Gibraltar night is interrupted with crickets.

He wonders what Angela dreams of. People she couldn’t save, his mind fills in. Genji’s corpse-body, when they first brought him in. People she can’t save. Gunshots.

Jack sighs. It’s a gesture that makes him feel older than he is.

“They’re just bad dreams,” he says, voice low and deep. It feels like a confession. “Omnic Crisis. Overwatch. Old things. I’m an old man, Angela, it doesn’t mean anything’s wrong just because it keeps me up.”

“You’re not that old, compared to the average,” she muses absently. “You’re only forty nine.”

“Fifty in a few weeks,” he said, hoping for a diversion. “I’m not a young man anymore, anyway. And I can’t really see a therapist, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“Why not?”

“I’m legally dead, remember?” Angela nods, clearly contemplative. He closes his eyes. “‘s just dreams, either way. Doesn’t matter a bit.”

There’s a long pause. Angela rises from her seat. “Good night, Jack,” she murmurs.

For days, he waits to see if Angela brings it up again, or tells someone, or something. He’s worried about it.

It’s just dreams, and anxiety and - it doesn’t matter. He just doesn’t want people to look at him differently. But no one does and Angela doesn’t say anything. It’s almost as if their early morning conversation is forgotten.

It’s been nine days when he first realizes Angela didn’t forget at all. He’s sitting in a common room, talked into joining most of the other agents. People are mostly in their own groups. Hana and Genji are playing some Mario Kart thing, the engineers at a table discussing - schematics, he thinks, but he’d heard the words Pop Tarts and doubted himself - Jesse and Hanzo and Fareeha talking in soft voices. Lena, Reinhardt and Ana at a table, Wid- Amelie, he corrects himself - Amelie joining them. Sombra and Lucio at a table hollering about the game Hana and Genji are playing. Who had cajoled two thirds of their ex Talon agents and how is lost on him, but he’s almost glad Gabriel wasn’t here, even knowing - this is a talk for another day. Jack is at one of the old, worn seats, an old book in his lap.

“Jack!” Angela’s voice comes in from the hall, and most look up as she pushes the door open with her hip. It takes only a moment to discern why: in one hand is a mug of what is definitely coffee, and the other is a -

“I got you a present, you’re welcome,” Angela says.

“Uh,” Jack says, the stumble coming out before he can stop it. “That’s a dog.”

“It sure is,” Angela says agreeably, depositing it in his arms and sipping her coffee. “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s June,” he deadpanned, as the wriggling little thing laps at his visor.

“Happy early birthday,” she replies. “You turn fifty in two weeks. There.”

The puppy - which, relatively, is pretty big, a St Bernard if he had to guess - laps at his cheek next. “This is a dog,” he repeats. “Where did you get this?”

“Her,” Angela corrects. “She flunked out of being a therapy dog because she liked to lick strangers or something along those lines. She needed a home. Dogs, I’ve been told, lower stress. You’re going to give yourself a stroke or a heart attack at this rate.”

In that moment, he realizes this is about what they discussed but Angela doesn’t want to say it in public. He can appreciate that much. “Can we even keep a-”

Lena is by his side, scooping her up in a second. Her, the dog, not Angela. “Why are you protesting? It’s a dog! Accept it and move on.” The dog licks Lena’s face delightedly, and everyone resumes talking over each other about - well. Jack rises, giving Angela a look. She just grins back, satisfied.

“Fine,” he acquiesces. Arguing isn’t going to do much, anyway. Angela’d kill him if he tried to return her, anyway, even if he hasn’t had a dog since he was a teenager. His family had kept hunting and herding dogs, all of which loved his mother more than anything. She gave them the most scraps. Lena shoves the bundle of fur back into his arms after one last lick, and he stares at her as she returns to licking his face. Her, the dog, that is. Not Lena.

The dog follows him around all the time. When he sits, she sits on his feet, gets comfortable. Angela tells him she’s a six month St. Bernard. They called her Nessie in training, but she never learned the name and really, it just makes him think of conspiracy theories. (Dimly, he remembers Reinhardt rambling about - he really wants to say Bigfoot, but the memory is twenty five years old.)

He mostly just calls her Dog, which outrages an alarming amount of people. Expectedly, Ana, Lena, and Angela are most fond of Dog. Unexpectedly, he’s caught Hanzo giving her scraps four times in three days. When he enters a room that Hanzo and Bonnie are already in, she’s in his lap and he looks like a deer in the headlights. (It’s actually really fucking funny.)

He sets her on the floor before bed, but she’s always curled up next to him when he awakens, like a really furry pillow.

It takes five days for him to really get used to the idea she could provide actual help.

It’s - another bad dream, because of course it is. Jack gasps for breath, kicks off the blanket, brow slick cool with sweat. His heart pounds in his ears. Him kicking the blankets must of woke the Dog, as she bounces up, presses next to him.

She shoves her head and back against his hands, in a way that would be petting if it was his hands moving, not her body. She licks his face tentatively, as if seeing if that helps. Jack can feel his heart start to slow, faster than his normal calm down times. He moves his hands, callouses running against soft fur. Dog takes this as encouragement, licks him more excitedly. Jack closes his eyes.

Normally, he’d get up. He wouldn’t be back asleep regardless, so he may as well get up. But Dog settles in next to him, and petting her evens him out, makes it easier to settle. He lets himself be lulled to sleep.

In the morning, he names her Bonnie. It seems fitting, somehow. She seems like a Bonnie. He’ll talk to Angela about a collar, soon.

In the meantime, he sits down at the cafeteria table, Bonnie by his feet, and pretend he doesn’t see no less than five people feeding her scraps.

He goes on a day long mission on July 3rd. His birthday’s the next day (he’s getting old, he thinks). It’s a short thing, mission wise. Fifteen hours securing a payload in the heart of London and back.

He’s with Lucio, D.Va, Genji, Mei, and Sombra for it, all these young kids making him feel much older than he is. (Mei, Genji, and Sombra are all in their thirties, he remembers. But he’s fifty tomorrow. They’re kids to him, anyway. They all have much more.. zest than he does.)

He gets back late, and he’s a little sad to not have Bonnie at the door when he enters the room. He discards his jacket to the desk and changes fast, glancing at the bed to locate his dog. She’s sleeping in her exact normal spot, with an approximately Jack sized spot next to her. Jack slides in next to her, and she shifts awake, moving to press into him. She licks his face hello, and he calms her by petting her back for a few minutes.

He breathes easy, relaxed. After a few, he glances at the clock. 12:02.

“Happy birthday,” he hums warmly, closing his eyes.

He sleeps well that night.

now on ao3!

[whining-ego]

Blog update: first post

tw: abuse

music in my earphones is too distracting for me to write the greeting

this blog is deficated to me, wholely, solely, purely to me, my ego, and my whining. and i know it might get negativity. i do. but honestly will i even remember this blog in a week or so

but hey, babbling bout oneself is totes fine, innit? there are ton of blogs out there. nothing special. and i dont claim myself to be neither special nor ordinary. because either option is egoistic as fuck, (only in relation to me dont worry). with this much build-up, take that: i think im mentally ill/neurodivergent, and the diagnoses change day to day, and thats what i base my life on

hooray yer so special!!! congratz!!!

and i dont wanna change. like if i ever got diagnozed with anything, (even not on list), id be 'ooohhhh yuuuhhhh!' and. done. ima not gonna change my life for better. meds? cool. talk therapy? awesome. actually getting up yer ass up? understandable have a nice day

i dont know where it comes frome. perhaps its child abuse i experienced, something along the 'if im sick then people like and care for me' lines, yet honestly i cant remember most of the stuff or i feel great deattachement from the memories. either way, as i said, im not willing to change my lifestyle in any way.

thats why it might hurt people with actual diagnoses. because they struggle day to day to live their lives, theu fight for rights and understandement, then here i am with wild fantasias and 'please be patient im xxx' cap

(to be honest, i really see myself being called out. having drama. and it gets me excited and immersed into these scenarios. what would i answer, how to hide in case of total failure. i crave attention no matter the source apparently)

thats kinda why im making this blog. because i know my friends and relatives have their own problems; my whining is not worth their time. like when two people at the same day cried by my side (both in reality and in the internet) and i felt so. overwhelmed. like dayum bitch how do i comfort them??? never was my strong ability. so wasnt empathy. not tryna be an edgy kiddo here, but yea. egoism.

i wanted to do a listing of different diagnoses ive ever thought of having; most likely it will not be complete, since i dont remember vast majority of anything that was three days before.

currently, most suspicious of: inbetween adhd/autism, additionaly dissociation/depersonalization-derealization (the first one would explain both my childhood and present day, the latter is just something i have started to experience about half a year ago)

honorable mentions: depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, dysthymya, cyclothymia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, hoarding disorder, panic disorder, hypochondriacal disorder, dyslexia, schizophrenia, maladaptive daydreaming, and so on and so on and so on (like whole dsm list)

forgive me god for spamming in those peoples feed who will be looking for mentions of these above on tumblr

oh and also i want to become deaf. i know well that it would affect greatly my life, to the point i will suffer and suffer greatly, but everybody deserves a small guilty pleasure eh?

at different moment of my life i have immersed in these conditions soooooo much. researching information, projecting those disorders on my favourite characters in all sorts of ways (remember madd?), acting out real situations. it becomes my whole life. and then it shuts down and im not interested anymore. kinda like with everything else interesting, hence adhd.

and this blog will be a place where i can let myself out all i want. be as much of attention whore as i want. talk illogicaly and shitty and whatelse. heck yeah freedom

im not willing to change because i dont see a point. i love my comfort zone (fucking hate this phrase), i love being a stick in everybodys else bikes. and thats not a self-hate talk. i genuinely understand that i lack motivation or interest in changing, therefore i wont. if people leave me i just find different ones

(but i still believe it is not acceptable to talk this egoistically, to act this childlishly, not for me not for me. had really bad times because of this way of thinking)

enjoy this paradize of selfishness and laziness! i love feedback

just dont me dicks youselves

________________________

ive been meaning to write this post since like 3pm and its 11pm now even though everything i had on my mind this whole time was "write this post!!!" but then i decided to reinstall os on my computer and it took three hours and after that i was too exhausted to do anything. so around time i started writing this i was surfing youtube and stuck on one particular video. i found it interesting but at the same time i needed to write! this! post! so i kept nervously watching the red line of time and simultaniouly wanting to turn on some music even though the video had audio and agggrhh. here we go. by the way i started writing This Post with this paragraph, not the main part, despite the fact that i dreamed so much about writing it. yay