#Everything I’ve done today has left a terrible feeling in me idk why

[skhardwarevers1]

I need the secret third thing between sleep and death right fucking now

[purplesurveys]

1675

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? It was actually my mom’s voice that woke me up and the first thing I thought of was holy shit I’ll be late for my dentist appointment.

Is there anyone that you feel owes you an apology? If so, what has that person done? Nah I don’t like having beef with anyone.

What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten recently? I got a KFC Double Down last night that I actually wasn’t able to finish because heartburn LOL. It’s still in the fridge; I might have the rest of it tomorrow as I don’t feel like having it right now.

Be honest. Have you had any dirty thoughts today? Yes.

Do you remember the last dream you had about the person you love/like? I’m not interested in anyone.

What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody? I have a leftover slice of coffee cashew cake here and at most it reminds me of my mom as she likes sans rival, which also has cashews.

Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic? That’s not even something to be discussed – no.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one? When I was in Grade 6 I wanted to model because I had friends who used to obsess over VSFS and it was all they posted on their feeds and I thought, cool I kinda want to do that too. That died out pretty quickly.

Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried? My brother when he was younger because he was the brattiest, crybabyest toddler to ever exist.

Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence? I’ll take whatever. A compliment is always lovely to get.

Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? Nah. I almost did when a friend got a pregnancy scare and she was too anxious to get a PT herself, but everything calmed down once she got her period.

How did you meet your best friend? Did you like them at first? I met her in Grade 1; we were seatmates. I was indifferent to her at first as I was a shy kid and preferred to mind my own business, but one day I accidentally stabbed her palm with a pencil and for some reason that actually brought us closer together rather than bring out a fight.

Do you find it harder to apologize or to accept apologies? Accept. I tend to hold grudges.

Have you ever had toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Most likely, yeah.

You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why? I’d love to get a whole new wardrobe with everything I’ve been wanting to buy and wear, from tops to sneakers.

Have you ever tried writing with the opposite hand? How good/bad was it? I’m sure we’ve all tried it at least once exactly to see how we’d fare, haven’t we? Hahaha it was terrible as expected; I don’t have a good grip with my left hand at all.

Would you try to frame somebody else if your mom committed a murder? I think I’d be way too much in shock to even think of doing things like that. You wouldn’t be able to count on me to do something about that situation.

Honestly, have you ever danced naked? Sure.

What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Idk, maybe illegally downloading music and movies.

Sex, menstruation, or puberty - which is the most uncomfortable subject? I don’t find any of those uncomfortable.

What does the comforter on your bed look like? Did you pick it out? It’s a BT21 comforter that Reena got me on my last birthday.

When you picture flowers in your head, what color are they? Lilac.

The last time you went to the mall, what did you go for? Picked up my new glasses. It was a really quick trip as I didn’t feel like doing anything else. All the coffee shops there were packed that day so I headed straight home.

What do you plan to do tomorrow? I have an event to manage – a track meet from 5 AM to around 11 AM. The rest of the day I plan to catch up on rest, but am thinking around dinner we’ll take mom out as it’ll be Mother’s Day.

Do you ever just feel like you need to be alone for some reason? Of course. I’d be impressed if there was anyone who needed to be around people absolutely 24/7.

If you got paid $5 per survey you made, could you make a living just doing that? For sure. Do you see how many I take? Hahaha.

The last time you went out of the house, where were you going and what did you do? That would be this afternoon – I went to a nearby coffee shop to finish some work, then right after I spent time in the car to basically break down and cry and scream because I hate that I had to work on a weekend and still have an event to get through tomorrow. Then I took the long way home so that I had more time to be alone and process my feelings.

When was the last time someone cancelled plans on you? Were you annoyed? Last December when Kaye and Lea bailed last minute from our pre-Christmas gathering. I do remember being a wee bit annoyed as it was like the third time in a row they canceled on us and I had been really excited to hand them their gifts, but I got over it quickly as there was no point in staying annoyed.

Would you ever want to go on vacation with just one of your parents? It would be nice to do it every now and then, yes. Especially with my dad as we don’t get enough time with him in the first place.

In summer, do you prefer to wear dresses or shorts and tops? Or maybe something else? I like wearing sleeveless tops; for bottoms I prefer to still be covered up, but instead of jeans I’d usually opt for something more airy so that it doesn’t feel too suffocating/uncomfortable.

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? Yes, it was some Fil-am who was trying to convince me that Filipinx is an acceptable term. I just ignored them as at the end of the day we were going to have different opinions anyway and it wasn’t worth my energy and time.

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? Yep because most of my time is spent working from home, which I do in my room.

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No. I like that they differ from most Filipino parents in that they never called me out in the times I’d sleep in.

How much stuff do you take with you when you go on vacation for a week? I’m a big overpacker and like taking extra clothes with me as I tend to change my mind a lot; planning outfits in advance doesn’t work for me. So if I’m on vacation for, say, 4 days, I’d usually bring clothes good enough for 6 or 7.

Could you willingly live on a vegan diet? Sure if it comes down to it, but the food has to be prepped for me or I have to be rich enough to afford vegan meals because I can’t cook hahaha.

If you’re an only child, do you wish you had siblings? If you have siblings, do you get along? I get along great with my sister.

How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? Less than a year.

When’s the last time you straightened your hair? I was around 12.

Do you find piercings attractive? Eh, it’s a hit or miss.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today? None.

Have you seen the movie or show Catfish? I haven’t.

Do you think it’s attractive when guys wear beanies? Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. I don’t really feel strongly towards beanies.

Do you own a black leather jacket? Nope.

Are you a seafood fan? Yesssss. I don’t really like cooked fish but I can still have it. Everything else is great. Do you prefer dark, brown or white chocolate? Milk or white.

[moral-turpitudes]

Trust Issues:

Trigger Warnings: Lil bit of /implied/ Smut, Fluff, Angst, Fighting, Swearing, Blood, basically everything that makes the Peaky Blinders the Peaky Blinders.

Word Count: A lot...5,447 (I’ll be adding it to the masterlist under requested fics because it’s long as hell lmao)

Characters: Finn Shelby x Female!Reader

Request: “Hey can you make one with Finn where they dating for some time but the Shelby family doesn't know much about her/her family so they don't trust her but them she receves a black hand and Luca goes after her trying to get her to betray the family and she pretends to agree just to tell them a Luca is up to and just how her relashionship becomes better with then and how Finn just love her more and more. angst/fluff maybe smut idk”

Requested by: Anon

Summary: Y/N worries Finn’s family won’t trust her, but she gains it in an unexpected way.

“I’ve told you a hundred times Finn, your family doesn’t like me! It’s no secret.” Y/N stated, pacing around her room that Finn ventured to almost every night.

“They do too! They’re just...horrible at trusting people really. That’s all.” He said, stopping her from frantically pacing by placing his arms around her when she got close to him.

“Let me go!” She yelled, giggling as he picked her up and placed her on the bed. 

He hovered over her like so many nights before, kissing her neck as she whimpered quietly in her barren apartment. His hands trailing down to her hips as she pulled him closer, their movements slowly breaking her out of her worries.

“When you-“ Y/N began, but was interrupted by Finn kissing her passionately.

“Stop worrying. We’re seeing them tomorrow whether you want to or not. They know how important you are to me, they just haven’t gotten to know you that well yet.” He said, continuing his actions as she moaned into his lips as his hands traveled further down.

Later that night, they lied there tangled in each other’s arms. Breathing ragged as they came down from their high.

“Can you believe we’ve been dating for a year, love?” He asked, looking up at the aging ceiling.

“Dating in secret for 6 months, dating in public for the other 6, it doesn’t feel like a year.” She said tersely.

Finn sighed as she spoke, preparing himself for another mini-lecture.

“My family can be a bit much Y/N, I’m sorry I kept you a secret from them for so long. There’s just...a lot of things about them that are-“ He started before Y/N interrupted him.

“Dangerous. I know.” She said sighing as she cuddled into his chest.

“Yeah. You’re not on their bad side, but it’s easy to get there, so I just wanted to keep you safe. Those 6 months were some of the scariest of my life so far. I just didn’t want you to get hurt.” He said, kissing the top of your head.

She turned to him, not saying a word as she looked into his eyes. They were so bright and full of hope despite the things he’s seen, making her wonder how long it would be until they turned cold and sinister like his brothers.

“I love you, Finn. I really do.” She said, pecking him on the lips before lying back down to sleep.

“I know.” He said, settling down beside her, hoping tomorrow would go well.

The next morning, the mail man came by dropping off various letters, waking them from their slumber as he banged on the door.

Finn shot up, looking to see Y/N still asleep as he went to see who it was.

He grabbed his hand gun after he put on his pants, and quietly walked to the door.

“Hello sir! Good morning. Here’s the mail for Miss Y/L/N.” He said cheerfully.

“Thank you.” He said, his nerves calming as he tucked the gun in his pocket, out of sight of the man.

As he waved the man off and closed the door, he heard his girlfriend’s footsteps lightly coming down the stairs.

“Finn? Who was that? Is everything okay?” She asked, pulling her robe around her nude body tightly.

“Yeah, just the mail.” He said, running his hands through the mass of hair on his head. He hadn’t told her the terrible news yet, but he figured bringing her to the family meeting would suffice.

He watched as she rummaged through various letters from her loved ones in London, knowing she’d probably spend hours writing back as she missed them terribly. Her job at a children’s charity office had forced her to move out to Small Heath after all.

As he watched, he saw her pick up a small letter that had intricate writing on it.

Y/N’s brow furrowed as she didn’t recognize the persons handwriting.

And when she opened it, she only grew more confused as she stared at the black handprint stamped on the white paper.

“What’s this?” She asked, raising it up to him. He crossed the room in a flash and tugged the letter from her hand.

“We have to go.” He said quickly, angrily.

“Finn, wait! We have to get dressed are you mad?!” She yelled, panicking internally.

Finn stopped near the front door and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance, realizing he almost went to a family meeting half dressed, and leaving his girlfriend to meet them in a robe.

“Right. Ok, we have to be quick. C’mon.” He said leading her back upstairs so they could change.

Once done, they ran down the stairs, Y/N grabbing the letter and shoving it in her pocket as they went out the door.

Meanwhile at the shop, Tommy paced and checked his pocket watch as the family waited for Finn, knowing he’d probably bring his girlfriend in with him.

“So you’re telling me this fucking black hand is from the Changretta’s, Tom?” John asked, his face flushing with anger as he slammed the letter on his desk.

“Yes. They’re here and they’re taunting us. But I can’t talk about that until everyone’s here alright?”

“Oi he’s probably just fucking his, girlfriend they’ll be here soon. She has no ties to us besides Finn. They wouldn’t go after him or her, he’s not as involved.” Arthur said.

“Not yet. I know how he works. He’s going to try to run this family into the ground if we let him.” Tommy said, lighting a cigarette as the shop doors flew open, Finn practically dragging Y/N through the lobby and into the room.

“What the fuck is this Tommy! Why’s he coming for her eh?” He said grabbing the letter from her hand roughly and tossing it on his desk.

“Finn, Y/N...nice of you to join us. Everyone sit down.” He said walking in front of his desk and leaning against it.

“Why is he coming for her? Can we trust her?” Linda asked, earning a cold look from Finn.

“Shut it Linda. Yes you can trust her for gods sake, leave the poor girl alone.” Ada said.

“Since I got this letter personally may I speak? Or do I have to be pregnant or married to one of you to do so?” Y/N remarked snidely, annoyed at Linda’s assumptions. Polly smirked as she sipped her tea nervously. Tommy raised an eyebrow and nodded for her to continue, not expecting her to join in on things so quickly.

The room fell silent as she clutched Finns hand nervously.

“I know I’m not liked around here. You have no reason to like me and I’m not going to beg for anyone’s approval, but I want you to know you can trust me. I love Finn, and I’d never put him and your family in harms way, and to my knowledge he wouldn’t do so either. I can’t even begin to tell you how I got that letter, but before you call me out again, Linda. I’d like to ease some of your all’s suspicions.” She said, shifting in her seat.

“I’ve met you all a fair amount of times in the last 6 months. During that time I’ve had to readjust to a new job and move away from my family who are in London, and they have no ties to whatever the hell’s going on, therefore they don’t have ties to me either. I swear you can trust me.” She said, feeling her heart rate sky rocketing.

“Do you know about Luca Changretta?” Tommy asked, rubbing a cigarette along his lip before lighting it and taking a drag.

“No. I’ve never heard that name in my life.” She stated.

“Well, I’ve called you all here today because that is one of the men who sent us all black hands. Everyone got one, and that means he knows where we live, he most likely knows where we are at all times.” Tommy said.

“I’m going to have eyes on you until this is over, but I need you all to promise me something.” He said, putting out his cigarette in the tray on his desk.

“Promise what Thomas?” Polly asked, putting her tea down and crossing her arms.

“If you see anything suspicious, you tell me. I don’t care if it’s a false alarm, you tell me and don’t mutter any of this to a single soul.” He said, glaring at everyone as they sat before him.

“John, Arthur, Finn, Isiah. Get ready, grab your guns and your caps. Ladies you stay here, only go out for break. Polly, keep the legal business running, we can’t have someone slipping under our noses.” He said checking his bullets and putting on his coat.

“Will you be setting men up at our houses?” Esme asked.

“Yes. Mine too, don’t worry they’ve been briefed already.” He said, walking out the door.

Finn stood up reluctantly and pulled Y/N in for a hug and she placed a quick peck on his lips before he left, putting his cap on his head and grabbing a gun.

“Now, we have to work ladies. Y/N you’re staying here. You’ll have to call in today.” Polly said, grabbing papers off Tommy’s desk.

“Okay. I can help if needed, I’ve done secretary work before.” She said.

Polly looked at her for a moment and studied her before answering.

“Alright, there’s a desk near mine that’s been empty, I think the poor girl quit but hasn’t handed in her letter of resignation. You’ll take her desk for today, I’ll give you papers to sign with the company name.” She ordered.

“Okay, thank you Polly.” Y/N said quietly, sitting down at the rather large desk. The girl must’ve quit because the desk was empty and she found no personal items there, not even a photograph.

Polly came strolling over with a handful of documents pointing at the various places to sign and explaining some of the forms to her.

“Thank you, Polly.” She said giving her a small smile.

Y/N began signing, using it as a way to take her mind off of Finn and his brothers whereabouts.

Polly and Ada discussed some other work, and Linda filed some papers while Esme typed documents up, they all worked together nicely but there was a visible underlying tension between them and Linda. And if Y/N had a bad list, she knew she was first on it.

She sighed as she blew through the papers, yearning for a break and deciding to call in for the day at her regular job.

“Hello this is Y/N Y/L/N. I’m calling in today, I have some personal matters to attend to.....alright....thank you Mrs. Johnson. I’ll be in tomorrow....goodbye.” She said, hearing the disappointment in her bosses voice as she spoke.

“Did you call in?” Polly asked, overhearing your phone call.

“Yes. My boss wasn’t too happy but it’s not something I can control really.” She said.

“Next time I wouldn’t deal in absolutes my dear.” Polly said, combing through papers.

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, finishing the forms on her desk.

“I know we haven’t known you for long but one thing you should know about the Shelby’s my dear is that we try not to make promises or make definite plans with others.” She said.

“So you’re saying I probably won’t be coming into work tomorrow either?” Y/N asked, anxiety filling her mind as she thought of Finn being hurt.

“Yes. You never know with this fucking family.” She said lighting a cigarette.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She said, excusing herself as she went towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” Polly asked.

“I just need some space. I’ll be right outside.” She said, she was about to promise that too but she heeded Polly’s words. They made sense but she couldn’t shake the sense of dread out of her bones.

As she leant against the cold brick building, she heard the door open as Ada walked out and stood near her.

“Did you come out here to see if I was lying?” Y/N asked.

“That and I wanted to apologize for Linda. She’s...difficult.” She said, lighting a cigarette for herself.

Y/N scoffed and lit one of her own, looking around nervously, scanning the streets for anything suspicious.

“They wouldn’t hang out right near the shop unless they want to be shot on sight.” Ada said.

“Can’t risk anything though eh?” Y/N said, taking another drag from her cigarette.

Ava smirked and nodded as she looked out at the dark, black-tinged buildings in front of them.

“We do like you, you know...we just can’t trust people very often in this business.” She said, looking at Y/N.

Y/N smiled as she stared at the brunette Shelby, her eyes less scarred by everything, kind of like Finn’s.

“Finn said that too. I’m relieved to hear that, I know it’s not easy welcoming in new people.” She said.

Ada nodded and patted Y/N’s shoulder before going back inside, leaving her out in the open.

Suddenly, a man walked near her looking just slightly out of place against the tattered clothes of the townspeople. He was tall, lean, and had a black hat on, making her tense up as he drew closer.

“Hello miss. Ya know where I can find a bar ‘round here?” He asked, looking around him quickly as he spoke, a toothpick sticking out of his mouth on the verge of falling with each word.

“No, sorry sir. Have a good day.” She said glancing at the tattoo on his neck.

“You work here?” He asked, walking closer to her.

She backed up until her back hit the wall, leaving her nowhere to go.

“No. May I ask your name? Not many men stop me on the streets and I’d like to know.” She asked, her heart racing as she tried to remain calm.

“You don’t belong on the streets sweetheart. You could join me though, I have some business I’m taking care of here, but when I’m done I can help you ya know.” He said leaning his palm against the wall, he was so close she could smell his cologne.

“That sounds suspicious you know. I’m not stupid.” She said, trying to walk towards the door of a nearby unmarked building, trying to get him away from the entrance to the shop.

He grabbed her wrist tightly as she went to yell, clasping his hand hard over her mouth and nose with a wet cloth. One whiff of the stuff and she was out, blackness overtaking her vision.

When she woke up she was in an alley, her clothes were ripped and her hands were tied to a pipe along a brick wall.

“What did you do to me?” She asked, scared of the answer.

“Nothing sweetheart, just wanted to take you somewhere more quiet, you seemed like a rowdy one.” He said, closing in around her and cutting her hands loose.

“Now, I’m going to ask you a question again. You have to answer honestly or I’ll take you right here in this alley.” He said.

“Okay.” She said sternly, trying to calm her nerves.

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“I asked you that earlier but you never told me.” She spat as he gripped her wrists tightly.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N.” She said.

“I thought so. Mr. Shelby really needs to beef up his security around there don’t ya think?” He asked.

“Yes.” She said as he chuckled.

“You didn’t answer my question you know.” She stated, looking at his gun in its holster.

“Oh my bad sunshine. The names Luca. Luca Changretta. Wish we coulda met under better circumstances. I didn’t know Finn had such a fine woman.” He said.

“How do you know me?” She asked.

“I know all my enemies names. Ya gotta keep em’ closer than ya friends, you know the saying.” He said.

“I know you’re scared, but I just have one proposition for ya.” He continued, his eyes boring a hole into hers.

“What is it? To join your shitty hat club?” She asked, annoyed she got into this situation.

“Now that wasn’t nice miss Y/L/N. I’ll have to get ya for that one. Such a shame.” He said, flicking his switchblade out with one hand and gripping both your wrists with the other.

“If ya scream I’ll end ya.” He said. She blinked back tears as she forced her mouth shut, bracing for the pain of the blades edge coming for her face.

“You tend to run that pretty mouth of yours so let me help you with that.” He said inching the blade closer to her lips. She breathed heavily through her nose as she thought of anything to get her out of this situation.

She quickly brought her knee up, hitting him in the groin and making him groan in pain as he moved away from her, allowing her to run a couple of feet ahead of him.

“You can’t out-run a gun sweetheart.” He said, standing there with a pained look on his face as he clicked the gun, the bullets ready to fire in a split second.

“Walk back here and listen to my plan princess. I’ll let you go home after we talk.” He said.

Shaking, she reluctantly walked back to him, the alley feeling as if it was closing in on her every second.

“What?” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You’re going to help me. I’m gonna send my men to Tommy’s warehouse and you’re gonna tell Tommy to meet them there with his brothers in tow...and you’re gonna blow it up. We’ve planted the bombs but you’ll push the button.” He said, a evil smirk hinting at his lips.

“You’re mad.” She said, attempting to walk away from him before he slammed her to the wall, cutting her cheek with the switchblade in the process.

“If you stand me up or tell them about the bombs, I’ll kill ya, and then I’ll kill your little boyfriend. I’m already after the rest of them. You can’t beat me sweetheart, I’ve been tracking you and Finn for days.” He said.

She touched her cheek silently as she cried, nodding along with his words as he brought her in for a hug.

“Good girl. Now, go home or back to whatever you were doing. Don’t forget ya job later, be at the wear house at 7.” He said before walking off.

Y/N smirked as the blood ran down her cheek. He wasn’t that smart, and it was the perfect way to earn the Shelby’s trust, now that their lives depended on it.

She glanced at her watch and realized she’d been out for longer than she should’ve. Knowing Tommy and the family would probably kill her themselves once she got back.

As she walked through the alley she realized she was right down the street.

“Stupid bastard, couldn’t even take me to a discreet location.” She scoffed, walking quickly to the doors and going in, walking straight to Tommy’s office. She could hear Finn yelling and Polly arguing with Ada, and the rest of the family quarreling back and forth as she walked in, not bothering to knock.

Everyone stopped to look at her as she walked straight to Finn, tears welling up in her eyes as he pulled her into his arms.

“Where the hell did you go love? You know he told you to stay here...” he said as she cried into his shirt.

“I know. I only went outside the shop. I’m sorry.” She said wiping the blood off her face with her hand and wincing at the cut.

“Where’d you get cut then aye? You weren’t at the shop when we got back. Fucking explain that Y/N.” Tommy said walking over to her as she sat down.

“That’s why I came back here. I was just getting some air outside, Polly and Ada both know that. Then a man came up to me, asking me if I worked there and if I knew where the bar was. I said no of course. Then as I tried to head the opposite way, just to lead him away from the shop, he fucking grabbed me...” She said, struggling to catch her breath as tears streamed down her face. Finn knelt beside her, holding her hand.

“That’s not all. Who was it?” Tommy demanded, the others stood around, tension in their features as they waited for her to speak.

“Luca Changretta.” She said, Finn’s eyes went dark, a look of anger settling over his features.

Tommy and Finn got up quickly, Tommy checking the guns and Finn pulling on his cap. Meanwhile John and Arthur gathered their machine guns.

“Wait! Please...” Y/N yelled, making them all stop and turn to her.

“Don’t go. Please don’t go. He-he told me he’d kill me if I told you about his plans but I don’t fucking care. If there’s a time to trust me then it’s right now because if you go after him you’ll all die.” She said, sitting back in the chair as she felt faint.

“What are you talking about Y/N?” Finn said, checking his gun as he stood near her.

“He said that he wanted me to meet him at the wear house at 7, that’s where you all were going, correct?” She asked, looking at Tommy.

“Yes.” He said.

“Don’t fucking go. He wanted me to be the one to push the button. Tommy he’s laced the warehouse with bombs. He wanted me to betray Finn. He wanted me to betray your family, but I couldn’t do it. I-“ she said, tears streaming down her face once again as Finn knelt down and pulled her into him, resting his head atop hers.

“What do we do then aye Tom?” John asked. His trigger finger growing impatient as he clutched the gun in his hands.

“We wait him out. When he sees we’re not there he’ll go after her, but he’ll come here. If he was confident enough to come here in broad daylight he’ll come here at night in a heartbeat. We’re waiting him out.” He said.

“Polly, Ada, Y/N, Linda, Esme. You go to the room in there, close the blinds.” He said, pointing to the door in his office that led to a smaller area where Lizzie usually worked. Luckily she was at home with the children, so she wouldn’t have to deal with the chaos.

The women went into the office and sat in various seats, closing the door behind them and waited quietly, all except Y/N.

“Did you hear what I said?” Tommy asked, his voice thick with anger.

“Yes. But I have a feeling he wants to see me, maybe I can-“ She started to say before Finn took her hand and led her to the office.

“You’re not staying out here. The Changretta’s take their plans seriously and he’ll be pissed when he finds out you betrayed him. Stay in there until it’s clear.” He said giving her a long hug and brushing his hand lightly over her cut.

“We’ll get them, I-“ He started to say before she cut him off with a kiss.

“Don’t promise anything. Just go.” She said, going into the office and shutting the door behind her.

Polly quietly gave her a hand gun as she came in, putting a finger to her lips as she did so.

“I’ve never shot one what are you doing?” Y/N asked.

“You may need it. Just point and shoot.” She said.

“Why me?” She asked, her hands shaking as she held the foreign object.

“You just helped the family. We trust you, and consider this your first day.” Polly said.

“Wait I still work-“ she started, Polly cutting her off.

“I’ve made arrangements for you. You’re safer with us. Besides...” she said lighting a cigarette.

“We pay better than those blokes at the charity office.” She said.

“You called my boss? When I left?” Y/N asked.

“Yes. Now do you accept or not?” She asked, finally looking at Y/N with a look more so of approval than suspicion.

“I will if we make it out of this alive.” Y/N said. Checking her watch to see the clock ticking down to 7pm.

“Finn.” Tommy said, pulling his little brother close to him.

“You’ll be answering the door. Don’t say a word, just lead them here in my office.” He said.

John, Arthur, and Isiah stood at varying points around the room, guns ready to ambush them if needed.

Tommy checked his machine gun as he saw Polly closing the blinds and shutting the lights of.

“Isiah turn the rest of the lights off in the shop, I only want mine on.” He said and Isiah stepped out to do as told, coming back a few minutes later and deciding to help protect Polly and then from inside the small office.

Finn looked anxiously at the clock as he stood near the front door. It was 15 past 7, and knowing the Changretta’s, they rented the fastest cars they could manage to get there.

A loud knock sounded on the door not long after, causing Tommy to look up from his pocket watch, a feeling washing over him similar to the moment right before The Battle of the Somme.

“Hello Finn. Show me and my men where Tommy is and this whole thing can be over. I promise you that.” He said. Finn just looked at him and led him to his office acting as if only Tommy was there.

He knocked twice waiting for his answer.

“Tommy, Mr. Changretta is here.” He said, waiting for his response.

“Send him in.” Tommy said. Finn came in and quickly stood in front of the door where the women were, reaching for the gun in his coat.

Luca and 3 men walked in, looking Arthur and John up and down as they sized everyone up with their eyes. His lips curling into a sinister smile as the toothpick stuck out of his mouth.

“I have a bone to pick with Finn’s girlfriend. She stood me up...broke my heart really. I could’ve made her night if she woulda let me.” He said, watching as Finn’s face turned into a mask of anger. He’d never been one to keep his facial expressions in check.

“I’m sorry that happened, we were none the wiser, we were going to the warehouse just now.” Tommy said, staring blankly.

“If you didn’t know about her then you would’ve been at the warehouse like we planned.” Luca said.

“Correct. But she didn’t return. We don’t know where she’s gone so that pushed us back.” He lied.

“She’s as smart as she is beautiful, and I told her to go home but I know she came here. I’ll kill her, you’ll see.” He said, walking towards the door to go look around.

“Why else are you here Changretta? You could be out finding Y/N yourself but instead you’re here. My brothers and I were just about to go deal with this business before heading home.” He said, John yawned as if on cue as he rocked back on his heels impatiently.

“If you’re not going to tell me then I’ll have to find her myself.” He said stepping towards Finn.

“Aren’t you here because you wanted to kill the family? Not just Y/N? You served us all a black hand after all.” Finn questioned, pointing his gun at Luca’s chest.

He smirked and turned towards Tommy as he nodded at his men, clearly not afraid of Finn’s gun. The three men lunged for Arthur as John cocked his gun, aiming at one of the men and shooting him in the head.

Tommy went towards one of the others who almost tackled John as Luca taunted Finn against the door.

Arthur tackled the first man down, wrestling the gun out of his hand as a bullet grazed his shoulder, Linda silently cringed in the other room at the sound of her husband in pain.

“You really thought you could take us down?” Finn yelled over the noise, shoving Luca back with the gun.

“I can, and you’ll be glad you’re dead if I tell you what I’d do to her-“ He started to say before Finn landed a punch to his face, sending him back a couple feet.

“You talk too much.” He said, going towards Luca again.

Luca smirked as Finn looked to the side briefly to see Tommy pulling a gun at the man he’d tackled. With one shot the second man was down, leaving John wrestling down the last one.

Tommy quickly ran to where Finn was and hit Luca in the back of the head with the butt of his gun, causing him to fall back against his desk, blood dotting various papers as he fell.

“Finn, go help John.” He said, before punching Luca in the face once again.

Finn shakily held the gun as he aimed at the man who was now landing punch’s to his brothers face, and shot, the sound of his body hitting the ground still causing a shiver down his spine despite him killing before.

As he stood there he heard a muffled cry coming from inside the room as he knew Y/N was watching through the cracks of the blinds, but was soon snapped back to reality as Tommy yelled out in pain.

Luca lowered his gun as he saw Tommy fall back, clutching his arm tightly.

He raised it at Finn, the blood dripping down his face and clouding his eyes as he aimed for the young blinder.

But suddenly the door opened, and Y/N came out pointing her hand gun at Luca, a tear rolling down her cheek as she did so.

“Get back Y/N. Go.” Finn said as he tried to shield her as Luca raised the gun up more, on the verge of shooting.

A shot rang out from behind Finn as Luca’s head rocked back at the impact, his body going limp as the bullet passed through his skull.

It was eerily silent after that. Finn’s ears rang as did hers as he realized he would’ve been dead if she had listened to him when he told her to go back.

Finn quickly took the gun from her and Tommy crawled over Luca’s body to check the pulse, smirking as he looked up at Y/N.

“Nice shot. How’d you get the gun?” He asked, walking towards her.

“Polly gave it to me. Told me to point and shoot.” She said, wiping a tear from her eye.

“Alright.” He said, walking over to the door and telling the others they could come out.

John and Arthur got to dragging the bodies out back, while Polly and the other women tiptoed over the blood and back to the lobby.

Finn followed them out and left Y/N standing there for a bit, staring at the blood coating Tommy’s floor.

“It feels weird the first time killing someone, you’ll get used to it.” He said, tying a tourniquet on his arm before going to clean some of the blood off his desk.

“Um...Polly said something about this being my first day. Am I to work for you now? I-I don’t know what I’d do.” She said pulling her tattered coat around herself.

“Yes. You can start tomorrow actually. Take the empty desk out there.” He said, referring to the one she worked at earlier in the day.

She nodded and walked towards the door, her hands shaking from the days events.

“Oh and Y/N?” Tommy said, grabbing a cloth from a drawer.

“If it makes things any better, I trust you just as much as Finn does. You’ll fit in here, just go easy on him eh?” He said, a small smirk playing at his usually stoic lips.

“I’ll try.” She said smirking and closing the door behind her.

“Y/N you ready to go home?” Finn called out over everyone talking. She looked around at what would be her new work, and ultimately her new family. Linda was cleaning Arthur’s arm, and John and Esme were making out on her desk. Meanwhile Polly and Ada were tidying up the place.

“Yeah.” She sighed, walking to him and putting her arm around his waist as he led her out into the cool night air.

“Does that cut hurt?” He asked, once in the car.

“Yeah, but I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She said, giving him a kiss before they drove off to her apartment. It was only mere hours ago that she was struggling to earn his family’s trust, and now she had it, and she knew she had to keep it no matter what.

Finn Shelby Tag List:

(If you’d like to be added/removed, just shoot me an ask/message!) :)

@ajwantstohavefun​, @inglourious-imagines, @reveparade, @ta-ka-shi-ma

[kithtaehyung]

okay Ryen, work was a shitshow but I’m here now to give you my thoughts because I’ve been thinking about it all day (thanks for that btw lol)

First, I absolutely love how oc describes her prior encounters with Jin as her being the initiator because it made it that much better seeing him as the controlling hot mf this time around. I absolutely love this Jin he’s delicious

Second, fucking hell Yoongi is so goddamn sweet it’s tooth rotting. All of oc’s thoughts toward Jin and then she’s thrown by whatever she feels for yoongi. He’s too good… way too good

Third, oc is a straight goddess for this. My knees hurt just reading this. Give her a fuxking medal! Like no lie if I’m either jin or yoongi I’m literally giving that woman the world. The whole video thing at the end was cute too I love oc.

Fourth, the moments in the middle of all the action are so perfectly realistic and it’s a fantastic touch. Like yes oc is a straight up Queen but that lil break was so expertly sewn into the story. Well done because damn 👏🏼

Fifth, the Yoonjin interactions and conversations are such a mood. Like funny but destructively sexy. To be a fly on the wall during the conversations they had/have about oc 😍 god what that car ride home must’ve been like 🫠

Sixth, the ending text messages… fucking kill me please because that was just a curveball that had me unable to sleep for like an hour. (No pressure but if you wrote that I’d die 🥴)

Finally, you are a monster but like a monster that you love and cherish (like Jimin on stage). I’m so increasingly impressed by your work and by your dedication to everything you write. I know you’re still unsure about this one which is why I really wanted to come here and write this all out. (It’s much longer than intended sorry don’t hate me)

Also, congrats on that job you deserve it 👏🏼😘

-🦊

Oh my goodness, fox🥺🥺 I’m so sorry work was a shitshow.. that’s never ideal, or fun😔 but what the heeeeeck?? This is amazing commentary and encouragement you’re so wonderful!

YES like reader has been the one in control and the one to act first when it comes to hookups (which is hilarious because later they say they’re terrible at making the first move when it comes to like, feelings🥹 a true player istg) and then getting completely thrown off by yoongi.. it’s almost like yoongi’s feeling a little jealous seeing them👀

Reader is a baddie!!!!😩😩 we all know she knows and I would give her the world. If she steps on me I would say thank you<333 and the break was much needed holy hell. I would be exhausted by that point but what a fcking queen😭 yoonjin convos were one of my faves to write because.. they’re children LOL so petty!! Definitely roomies that are clearly good friends. The car ride home… who said they left reader’s apartment…..🤪

Idk if you saw the visuals for Hit;Play jihope (if it happens!!) but… yeah. I don’t even wanna begin to describe how filthy that would be🥴😈 to be compared to jimin on stage??😵‍💫 What a fcking honor holy shit! Thank you so much.. I really do love writing, and this was clearly self-indulgence but also hopefully fun for yall. You’re so kind for encouraging me bc yes I was still very unsure about it all of today. I’m starting to appreciate it, though, especially since you all have been so gd lovely.

[notsoguiltykpop]

The Tenth Floor pt22

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader & Taehyung x Reader

Min Yoongi had gone through 34 secretaries in the past 24 months, and each one of them left in tears. This fact alone should have warned you against taking the job, but the pay was too good to pass up. Surely you could put up with a billionaires temper-tantrums, right?

3 years after giving up on the nonsense that happened on the 10th Floor, and after a particularly unpleasant falling out with your former boss, you find yourselves back in each others lives. Can things have changed enough for you and Yoongi to have a fresh start? Or was the damage done too great?

Genre: Crack, Fluff, humor, some angst? Mostly crack tbh.

Word Count: Idk man, this is a short update.

Warnings: Strong language, smut talked about/implied in previous updates, some dark themes occasionally. 

Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,

---

His words hung, uselessly, in the air. He shifted from foot to foot, waiting for you to say something. Anything. To make this less awkward. 

“Funny, after all this time, me bringing you the wrong coffee.”

Why were those the words that came out of his mouth? He had no idea. All he knew was they spilled out in a desperate attempt to lighten the uncomfortable silence that had fallen after you took a sip, made a face, and spat the coffee back into the cup without saying a word. 

“I never brought you the wrong coffee,” You replied dryly. “You just never knew what you wanted until you drank it.”

Yoongi internally cringed. That wasn’t entirely true. He usually knew what he wanted, some part of him just liked to be difficult. 

He thought better than to say that. 

“So this is a nice office,” He tried instead. “Nice... Desk?”

“Thanks I built it myself,” You deadpanned.

“Really?”

“No.” You sat back in your chair, eyeing him warily. “Where’s Jungkook today?”

Right to the point. “He wasn’t feeling good,” Yoongi said smoothly.

You looked at your phone, read something, and raised an eyebrow. “No.”

“He took a personal day.”

“No.” You said again. “He didn’t. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, just felt like visiting our greatest investor in person today. Speaking of, is Changkyun available...?” Even now, after these past several years of only seeing you occasionally, after basically becoming strangers again, Yoongi felt strange lying to you. It didn’t feel good. Like he was reverting to ways he thought he had left behind in therapy. 

“No, something’s up, and Jungkook’s being weirdly secretive about it, too,” You leaned forward on your desk, looking him directly in the eyes. “Is there something we should know? Changkyun’s noticed it, too, over the last several months.” 

“Speaking of him,” Yoongi tried to deflect. “Where did you say he is?”

“He’s out,” You shrugged. “You can talk to me about further investment.”

Yoongi grimaced. “So that’s the thing,” He coughed uncomfortably. “Things aren’t--there isn’t. Uh. It isn’t looking like there’s going to be much left to invest in pretty soon. We’re drowning.” It felt wrong to actually say it out loud, even though the numbers had been saying it for so long.

Your eyebrows knitted together. “I thought you had this whole plan of recovery--”

Yoongi shook his head. “It’s not working fast enough. Changkyun already knows the other investors pulled out. I’m here in a last ditch effort to save some jobs.” He shifted again, then muttered. “I’m selling the company.”

“You’re what.” 

Yoongi couldn’t tell if you actually couldn’t hear him, or if you were surprised. He didn’t think there was any chance you didn’t see it coming--As Changkyun’s assistant, he was sure you got an inside look at how terribly things were going. 

“I’m selling the company,” He said again, louder this time. “I had my chance. I ran it into the ground. My employees shouldn’t suffer for that, though. If someone like Changkyun was to buy it, at least some of them could keep their jobs...”

“You didn’t run it into the ground,” You interrupted. “And you know that. It was failing long before you were put in charge, and even then you had to cater to investors who didn’t understand what was going on. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” 

Yoongi felt his cheeks heat up, and he coughed as an excuse to look away. “Thanks. For that. But,” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling restless suddenly. “Credit where credit is due, I didn’t fix things fast enough.”

“That isn’t how that saying works,” You muttered, grabbing a sticky note and jotting down a note to yourself. “I’ll talk to Changkyun.”

“Thanks,” He said, taking a couple steps back towards the door. 

“And Yoongi?” You added, giving him a small smile.

“Yeah,” He wasn’t sure what it was about the way you said it that made him nervous.

“It was good to see you.” 

---

Ever the playboy, Jungkook was flirting with a waitress when you walked into the restaurant. 

“I’m guessing the coffee was your doing?” You scoffed as you sat down in front of him. 

“Who, me?” Jungkook smiled innocently. “I would never tamper with a beverage I picked up for my best friend. Even if my annoying boss changed my plans and said he was going to your office instead of me and took said beverage. I definitely wouldn’t put five packets of salt in it when he wasn’t looking.”

“That was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever--Why do you do things like this? What goes on in your head?”

His smile only grew. “Did you spit it out?”

“Who wouldn’t?” You raised an eyebrow. 

Jungkook did a little triumphant fist pump. “How many times did he spit out your coffee when you worked for him?” He asked excitedly, not waiting for an answer. “And now he knows how it feels on the other side of that.”

You shook your head. “So petty,” You chastised. 

“So funny,” Jungkook corrected without missing a beat. 

“I would have appreciated a heads up,” You sighed, opening the menu only to have Jungkook reach over and slide it away from you.

“I knew you might be conveniently out of the office if I told you he would be dropping by,” He shrugged. “Also I kind of already ordered for you.” 

“God damnit,” You complained, sitting back in your chair and crossing your arms. “You always do that. I’m capable of ordering my own lunch, butthead.”

“You’re always late!” He practically whined back. “And then I get awkward, and I feel bad for taking up a whole table and then some random mutters about me getting stood up--which, sorry, but do I look like I get stood up?--so I panic order!” He pouted. “Also. I have great taste. You always like what I get.”

You narrowed your eyes, but let it slide for now. “I didn’t mean a heads up about Yoongi coming in. I meant about his company tanking.” 

“Oh,” Jungkook’s pout dropped. “He told you about that, huh? I guess it really is that bad...” He tilted his head to the side. “If it goes under, I might have to be a regular doctor...Y/n. I might have to see patients again.” He shivered dramatically, and you rolled your eyes. 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” You assured him dryly. “I’m more concerned about Yoongi--He’s given it his all. What’s he going to do once it’s gone?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Actually live a little, I hope.”

--

A/N *cough* ‘sup let’s not talk about the fact that this has taken me nearly 3 years to update and pretend everything is normal. Yeah? Yeah. What are your thoughts and feelings? Is the time skip too extra? Or just extra enough? Would you have drank the coffee to be polite or spat it out? Let me know! As always I love hearing from you all! 

If you’ve stuck around this long, omg thank you so much. If you’re new to my writing, welcome and thank you so much. It’s been a hot minute, I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe out there! I’ve been stressed as fuck and figured there’s no better cure than writing absolute crack. Stay tuned for nonsense!

[frederickthegreat]

my thoughts on TUA season 2

(spoilers, obviously)

- opened with Klaus and Ben, my kings. Klaus’s hair looks so weird straightened while short 

- AWESOME opening soundtrack 

- seeing all their powers so controlled makes me wonder how they leveled up to that skill in the alternate timeline. like the only time we saw Klaus use the powers of other ghosts in the correct timeline was when two of them caught him falling out of the sky. however Diego did end up controlling bullets and Allison used her voice to technically kill one of the Swedes

- the homeless man screaming Allison’s name alongside Luther... funny shit

- big teddy bear Hazel

- Elliot was fucking awesome i think he was a great addition as a side character. rip tho :(

- honestly i don’t understand why Diego would WANT to save JFK. like it’s not that big of a deal. does he not understand what messing with the timeline can do??

- Lila... impeccable

- Sissy and Vanya... impeccable <3

- yeah and fuck u Carl

- ugh, Klaus’s beard. disgusting <3

- Ben and Klaus definitely act like they should be, given that they’ve been stuck with each other for over a decade. i’ve seen some people calling Klaus an asshole for not telling his siblings about Ben, which is completely understandable (cause he was an asshole), but I’m guessing it was because he was afraid? that sharing Ben with his siblings would mean that he would lose him to them, or his siblings would find him selfish, or they would ask something of him that he couldn’t give. if that makes sense

- that ghost bitch comment was funny tho 

- to the guy who called Klaus pretty boy at the bar: sir you don’t know what you’re getting into

- Raymond!! he’s such a sweetheart, i really liked him in the show. i’m really happy that Allison has found a bit of normalcy (as normal as the 1960s Civil Rights movement could be). it shows how passionate she is about what she believes in: even though she knows the movement is far from over, even back in 2019, she’s not gonna abandon it

- Allison staring at the moon every night: either thinking about Luther or how the moon blows them all up. maybe both

- of course Luther would be working for Jack Ruby

- awesome cinematography during the mental asylum escape 

- yeah it makes sense that the Handler would still be alive. she was a cool villain. although it would’ve been awesome to see how evil a fish could be

- Diego’s plan was pretty stupid. that’s my boy

- honestly they revealed how Klaus started a cult really well by having one of his followers find him at jail. Klaus, ever the musical aficionado, of course writes his scripture based off of pop songs

- Raymond and Klaus meeting!! that was cool to see how their paths connected

- Lila painting Elliot’s toenails green. ugh i love that crazy bitch

- i LOVE how they incorporated the umbrella man!! tbh i’ve always believed he was the one behind the assassination. Lee Harvey Oswald was framed 

- honestly a bit understandable that Luther was planning on killing Vanya? cause he had no idea who she is now, but them reuniting was actually really sweet. he’s grown up so much

- the Swedes and their cats.

- the Umbrella company building with the nuclear family mannequins... creepy, awesome shit

- baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo baby pogo

- shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego shanked diego

- did anyone else get vibes from Klaus’s episode opening that he was an escort to the old woman? like how he was being shown off at her arm or something and getting out of jail from a call from the governor. idk maybe the lady was just very taken with him, as anyone would be

- Elliot, our helpful king

- Allison and Klaus’s reunion was so sweet!! i’m so glad they got to interact so much more in this season 

- Ben getting Raymond out through a haunting... hilarious

- sweet intimate moment between Lila and Diego

- Ray meeting Luther was hilarious, but i do feel for the poor guy. i mean i’m not in love with my adoptive sister but still

- the sit-in was really well done and beautiful while terrible. the ‘riot’ that ensued was very appropriate for today’s setting 

- D-Dave

- honestly i was scared that Klaus was gonna be overly attracted to him or whatever, which would be weird cause he’s years younger than Klaus, but honestly, at the core he just wanted to save Dave’s life. even if it means never meeting him in a different timeline. he truly loved Dave. and that ptsd flashback was done so well

- i knew Lila wasn’t trustworthy but i didn’t REALLY expect that! 

- Vanya and Luther talking with each other, Luther admitting the apocalypse wasn’t all her fault. beautiful

- the Majestic 12 reminds me of the conspiracy theory that only a few families control basically everything in the world. the Majestic 12 may be based off of that, idk

- idk about everyone else but Klaus’s scorpion and the frog story made total sense to me! frogs ARE bitches

- the diner scene.... ugh. it really shows that the two of them did fall in love and they did stupid in love things, like talking about their family, about why Dave wanted to join, favorite colors, favorite foods, etc. however that’s seen later on when Dave visits the compound

- yes it’s very disheartening when Klaus is attacked, but honestly i think it had to happen, just like the riot had to happen. the 60s weren’t a fun time for lgbt people and poc. it was only going to be a matter of time before the show HAD to acknowledge the consequences of Klaus’s ‘flamboyancy’ in 1963 Texas. it doesn’t make it right or easy to see, but it’s realistic. 

- it also makes sense that Klaus fell off the wagon after experiencing something like that. yes we all would’ve liked him to stay sober, but sobriety and recovery aren’t linear. 

- Allison is so happy with Ray can we please drop this pseudo-incest plotline let’s MOVE ON 

- Texas Grace ! who is not actually Grace rip (i think? i was a bit confused lol)

- the scene with Harlan running off was really upsetting but we got to see those weird light particles that we saw in the first season

- Pogo Pogo Pogo Pogo

- Klaus being a dick to Ben again, as brothers do. i do feel bad for Ben though it must be sooo frustrating. that scene with him and Allison was really sweet and funny tho

- i just have to say that Luther and Diego are so fucking funny this season it’s awesome. like there are a LOT of good lines overall by everyone but they’re hilarious. “At least he didn’t shank my ass” “no bro, he shanked your heart”“Dads part of a sinister CABAL that’s plotting on killing the president.” “a caBAL?”“You two still a thing? *leans in* do we need to talk?” “No, she’s married.” “Woah dude... that’s rough.” and countless others

- the sibling reunion!! 

- Klaus really does get left out of everything tbh

- Ben :(

- sisters and Klaus!! that was so awesome to see. and Klaus’s hairpins, Vanya saying she’s gonna tell Sissy she loves her, their dance sequence, Klaus calling Allison out on that incest. beautiful

- the fucking Swedish cover of Hello was PERFECT i mean i was sad for the Swedes but it was hilarious. there were a couple beautiful shots of the boat on fire though

- god it must’ve been so traumatizing for Allison to be thrust into such a hostile place with no voice and no way to contact her family

-  idk about you guys but long live Team Zero

- calling Ben that he was becoming their father was a bit uncalled for 

- the fact that Klaus didn’t help Dave’s chances, and in fact escalated Dave’s own timeline.. his trembling hands... robert sheehan is an amazing actor

- the Black president bit lmaoo loved it

- the way Reginald spoke to Diego.. i’m gonna throw hands with an old man

- Klaus LITERALLY looked like he was having a seizure and they all just... played it off?? 

- poor, poor Carl. nah fuck him lol

- that bloody opening scene was awesome! and thank god Five got to say fuck. the fact that it was about a candy bar makes too much sense

- Robert Sheehan acting as Ben: amazing showstopping spectacular he’s so talented

- the whole multiple Fives and Luther bit was honestly really funny, and i immensely respect smaller Five over bigger Five. 

- yes Klaus, you survived a family of seven. you got this

- not sad about Carl dying one bit!

- Ben... that was such a beautiful scene. not just the content of the scene, but the cinematography. Ben fading away... Vanya hugging him... ugh. the main takeaway i had from that scene is that at the core of it all, Ben and Klaus love each other immensely. they have a weird, dysfunctional, fucked up relationship, where Klaus is an asshole and Ben definitely shouldn’t of possessed him without his consent, but they’re still brothers, and Ben forgives him. 

- oof Ben’s funeral was hard. also was it just me or did Klaus’s kid actor sound weird? like it sounded like Robert was dubbing his lines 

- all the siblings back together again!!!! Klaus going with Vanya to save Harlan!! Vanya telling him Ben forgives him and that it wasn’t Klaus’s fault Ben got stuck with him!! everyone in the car!!! be still my beating heart

- yeah didn’t see Lila having powers coming tbh. i really feel bad for her she’s had such a rough and traumatic life, especially with the Handler as her only parental figure

- the Swede brother and Five putting down their weapons: “enough.” the Swede wanted revenge for his brothers - an eye for an eye, but there was a mutual understanding between the two of them: they would do anything for their family. if the Swede hurts one of the Hargreeves, Five would never stop coming after him. i thought it was very beautiful 

- mmm Reggie’s foreshadowing coming into play. proud of u Five

- the ending was so beautiful. everyone got closure in some type of way. except now Klaus is alone with nothing but his dog tags :(

- EMO BEN HAHAHA WTFFF?? is Lila in the sparrow academy? why was Ben’s portrait over the mantle piece? did Five disappear?? is the sparrow academy just older versions of the siblings who stuck around?? so many questions

FINAL THOUGHTS

- Ellen Page’s acting consistently blows me away. she is amazing 

- beautiful cinematography, funny writing, pretty good acting. i didn’t like the soundtrack as much as i did the first season’s, but some of it wasn’t bad.

- i’m glad ben got peace, but i’m also glad justin min isn’t gone for good. his social media presence is too vital for us

- i swear to god if they keep treating klaus as a joke and don’t let him get any actual development like everyone else had (he barely got closure with Dave, he reconciled with Ben through a second party) next season, i’m gonna riot. PLEASE i want to learn more about his powers now that Ben is gone. what happened to seeing tons of ghosts when he’s sober??

- Luther and Diego were probably my favorite duo of the season, I’m so happy that they’ve reconciled and are bonding more. 

- just seeing Vanya grow and be happy was amazing 

all in all, really wonderful season. i probably liked it better than the first one. now it’s time to consume fanfiction and maybe finish my own (check out “god doesn’t want him and neither does the devil” on ao3!)

[vivianweasley]

Someone Better (Epilogue)

Summary: After your breakup, Draco knew eventually he would see you again. But he never thought that he would see you with Fred Weasley. Was him the ‘someone better’ for you?

Pairing: Fred Weasley X Fem!Reader, Draco Malfoy X Reader

Warnings: sad Draco, poor writing

Word count: 1.2K

A/N: Hi guys! I guess you don’t really need to read the previous parts to read this? This is my favorite part to write lol and I’m thinking about writing an alternative ending for Draco? idk, tell me what you guys think! Oh and I was listening to “Better” by Ben Platt while writing this! Anyways, hope you guys would like this:)

Prologue   ��Chapter 1    Chapter 2  Bonus for Fred!

Please do NOT repost my work or translate it on another site without permission! Thank you! Reblogs and comments are always welcomed:)

Draco always knew that he would see you again someday and he had imagined about it many times. But the reality was not at all like what he has expected.

After meeting up with someone in Leaky Cauldron today, he decided to walk around in Diagon Alley before going home. The bright orange joke shop would always catch his attention whenever he was in Diagon Alley and every time he walked pass it, memories of simpler times at Hogwarts would come back to him.

But he saw someone unexpected today behind the shop windows. 

You were there, laughing with one of the Weasley twins. Draco realized that he haven’t seen you this happy for a long time. You would always appear in his dreams, but you always looked so sad and scared. 

He wanted to just walk away, but he just couldn’t afford to miss this chance for he might never see you again. So without having fully processed his action, he pushed open the door.

You were surprised to see Draco here. Who would know that after all these years, you would see him here, at the joke shop.

You were glad to see that he looked healthier now. His cheeks were not that sunken anymore and you could also see a dash of vitality on his cheeks. It looked like he was also not as skinny and pale as before.

Fred never thought that he would see Draco Malfoy here. He bet Malfoy didn’t come here for his products, so his purpose here was clear as day. Fred immediately pulled you closer to him.

Draco unconsciously furrowed his brows when he saw how intimate you were with Fred. 

Weasleys, heroes of the Battle of Hogwarts, definitely sounded better than former death eaters. So was this the ‘someone better’ for you?

“Draco?” you spoke first.

“Y/N, can I talk to you?” Draco glanced at Fred.

Fred pulled you closer to him, even stepping forward a bit to hide you from Draco. But you kissed Fred on his cheek, “Darling, can you give me a few minutes?”

Fred looked at you with worries in his eyes, but you smiled at him assuring that everything was fine. He finally agreed to let go of you and walked upstairs after glaring at Draco once again.

You and Draco went outside so nothing would explode around you when you were trying to talk.

“So, Weasley?” Draco couldn’t help but asked the burning question in his head.

“Oh, that’s Fred. I’m working in Flourish and Blotts after graduation. We are both working in Diagon Alley you see. So we see each other a lot and eventually we just got together.” You were grinning when you were talking about Fred. “So what about you? What are you up to after graduation.”

“Oh...I wasn’t up to anything...” Draco didn’t know how to answer your question. He didn’t want to tell you that he could just rely on his family’s wealth without ever getting a job. Your current boyfriend opened a bloody shop when he was only seventeen. “But I’m planning to find a job in the Ministry.”

“That’s nice! Merlin, that means you are going to work with Harry and Hermione!”

Draco noticed how you were referring to Potter and Granger by their first names. So you were friends with them now. That’s actually nice. At least you won’t be lonely.

“Y/N, the reason why I’m here is that...I want to tell you I’m sorry. But I see that you’re doing well now, so I guess there’s no need for me to be here anymore.”

“Draco, you don’t have to say sorry to me. I’ve never blamed you for anything. You were just trying to protect me. I understand that. It was not your fault. It was Voldemort’s fault.”

Draco could still feel a cold shiver running down his spine when he heard the name, but you were saying it with no trouble. It looked like you’ve healed well.

Seeing his uneasy expressions, you hugged him. 

“Thank you, Y/N.” Draco’s body was stiff, but he hugged you back.

“After all, we still had a great time together.” You comforted him. It was a reconciliation with your past and your past self.

For a moment, Draco felt like everything was still the same as if it was still a few years ago, but everything was also not the same. He felt like you two were kids again. Before all of this, all of the heartbreaks and helpless moments, you were still friends who grew up together, family even.

“Keep in touch?”

“Of course.”

Draco returned to the Malfoy manor and walked straight to the bookshelves in his room. He opened up an “Advanced Potion Making”on the shelves. “(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)” was written on the first page.

You left your potion textbook in the Slytherin common room when you were studying with Draco during fifth year. For some reasons, you just forgot about it, but Draco kept it well. Even after all these years, the book cover still looked brand new.

You liked to keep your textbook pages neat and clean, but he would sometimes doodle on the pages when you weren’t paying attention. You would always get so angry at him when you saw his stupid doodles. 

Draco kept your book well so he could read your notes when he missed you. Sometimes, he would just stare at your handwriting for hours.

But aside from the doodles and your notes, there was also a letter kept between the pages.

Dear Y/N,

I know a simple “you deserve someone better” is probably the lamest way to break up, but that was the best I could think of at that time.

There were weights on my shoulders and terrible things that needed to be done. I didn’t have any choice, but you did. You shouldn’t carry my weight for me and you shouldn’t go through any of this. 

I guess you probably think that I couldn’t see you were also suffering during sixth year and you probably would hate me for it, but I did see it. And that’s why I don’t want you to go through this with me. 

You probably think I’m selfish. Maybe I am selfish, but this is the best way I can think of to keep you safe. I don’t want you to live such a terrifying life and I don’t want You-Know-Who to use your safety to threat me.

Maybe one day you will forgive me. Maybe you don’t even need this letter to understand my decision. Maybe I’ll never find anyone who knows me like you do. But I still want to say that, I’m sorry, Y/N.

You still appear in my dreams sometimes. You were crying. I haven’t seen you smile in a long time.

I’m sorry.

I still love you.

Wishing the best for you,

Draco Malfoy

“Incendio.” Watching the flame gradually swallowing the letter, Draco pictured his past burning away with it.

There was no need to send out this letter anymore. Draco knew that you knew him well enough to understand his decisions without having to read a pathetic letter. And it seemed like you’ve already found your “someone better”. 

It was time for him to let go. And maybe one day, he would also find his someone better.

Fin.

Join my taglist!

[neon-junkie]

unpopular opinion: Micah is terrible but he shows instances of having real, human emotions and completely erasing those moments to paint him as a 100% monster is a disservice for the fandom.

arrrrkajslkfjdsglk okay I'm gonna break Micah down and explain why I like him, just bc of everything going on and cause you've summed that up perfectly. Let's make one thing clear - I don't stan his actions, I never have, I never will. A lot of ppl seem to keep ignoring that lmfao. AND we all know that Micah is a fucking piece of shit. He's the devil. We know. Like the list goes on and on and on when it comes down to why Micah's garbage, but I guarantee you, there is NOBODY out there who actually *stans* him. He's a villain and damn good one. Now. Relating to what you've said, this man has just as much emotion as everybody else. I think the people who view him as an emotionless monster have either never seen ANY camp interactions with him, or they just choose to ignore them. For whatever reason. Idk. It is VERY obvious that Micah has 100% been abused by his father, probably physically as well as mentally and emotionally. He openly talks about the monster that his father is, and he KNOWS that he is just like his father. Now, Amos (his bro), on the other hand, has managed to break away from that lifestyle, straighten his ways, and settled down. Micah is so obviously jealous and even takes the time to write to his brother, probably to try and rekindle their sibling friendship or whatever you wanna call it. Amos basically goes 'NO' and slaps that idea right out of Micah's head, so I do feel bad that Micah was rejected. Amos makes it clear that he will only rekindle that if Micah changes, but he doubts Micah is able to change. So now his only 'role models' are gone - his father and Amos - Micah has nothing left to lose. He has no family, friends that encourage his chaos rather than help fix him, and no partner. He's a loose cannon, and without guidance, Micah will only continue to fire. That's why he sucks up to Dutch so much, because he STILL needs acceptance, praise, and guidance, and Dutch gives him all of that. Yeah, it's creepy to see, but that man must be dying inside if he'll literally lick Dutch's shoes just for a bit of acceptance. Micah clearly does try, like his approach to making friends is so cringe, but he's clearly never ever done this before, and he's only following the ways his father taught him. I mean, we see him still try to befriend Arthur at the start of the game, but Arthur barely looks at him and just continues to shoot him down. I know Arthur is probably following his gut, but people can't say that Micah didn't try. And we see him try it on with the women of the camp, he's clearly desperate to at least find a partner, and probably secretly jealous that his brother has that and a family. And if his brother can do it, then maybe he can too? and we do see him try. But Micah's no rapist, and it makes me cringe when ppl say that. There's a good post about it (here) that I won't go into detail, u can just read that for urself. So - Micah has nothing to lose. The camp doesn't want him there, so it's no sweat off his nose if he rats them out. Obviously, I don't agree with it and I think Micah should have just left, but then that'd be a very boring game lmfao.  There's nobody stopping him from causing chaos, and he's just going to continue to do what he was taught to do - be a fucking piece of shit. But to say he has no emotions? You sure about that? It's SO obvious that Micah still craves acceptance in any form, whether it's from a friend, a partner, his mentor, etc. He NEEDS acceptance and he seems very lost without it. And it's so clear that Micahs past trauma still controls his actions, and he clearly has no idea how to even begin accepting and moving past his trauma. That man just needs a therapist asap. Peter Blomquist said it himself, that Micah is essentially just misunderstood. (here) And well, if his own actors said that then why the hell do people continue to ignore it? Because they just want to hate Micah. They view him as an evil and racist piece of shit and just want to hate that, which everybody does cause yanno, it's bad. But they continue to ignore that Micah, like Bill, suffers from a lot of mental trauma and issues, and his past has resulted in the person that he is today. I’ll say this AGAIN, I’m not condoning his actions, far from it, I’ve said many times before that Micah is fucking garbage, we just find him interesting. Honestly, I think if the gang was accepting, or if Micah had someone to shove him in the right direction, then he would have redeemed himself and fixed his ways. Things like racism are taught, and if you can teach it, then you can unteach it, just like Bill begins to learn. Micah is a villain and that's why I like him. Again, I don't support or stan his actions, but it's just so refreshing to see someone so chaotic and loose. People saying that you shouldn't like Micah because he's racist, also choose to ignore the fact that Abigails abusive, so why do y'all still stan her when we see the way she speaks to John? or the way she physically abuses him? So abuse is fine but racism isn't? hmm.  But if we shouldn't like Micah because he's bad then why the hell do we like characters like Darth Vader or all the fucking Disney villains? Have you seen how much merch those criminals have? But a bunch of strangers on the internet having a wank over the ratman is bad? We're allowed to enjoy those but not Micah? big sigh. Peter also said that there's nothing wrong with liking Micah. You're allowed to enjoy villains, it's not a fucking crime, and it doesn't mean you support their actions, it never has done.

PLUS, this is a game full of mass murderers?!?! Arthur does a LOT that is considered questionable, such as beating a terminally ill man into his grave, but people choose to draw the line at Micah. You’re free to enjoy whatever fiction you want, but there’s no line you can draw. Well, you can draw a line for yourself, but you can’t rule what others can and cannot enjoy.

It's just SO tiring (personally) to constantly see happy endings and pure, wholesome, golden characters. I'm a sucker for bad guys and seeing them win, so when I played RDR I was like 'oh yeah, this is what I need' and that's probably why Micah's my fave lmao. It's so refreshing to see, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying it. Some people just enjoy villains, big whoop. We need to stop expecting characters to be pure cause that's just so unrealistic. Everybody has flaws of all different kinds, and that's what makes these characters human. Like, are we just choosing to ignore the fact that Arthur is the most wanted out of the gang, who has probably murdered the most people? Do we just wanna sweep his kill count under the rug and choose to hate Micah based on the one fact of him being racist? The whole fucking gang are outlaws, they're all essentially villains, even the babies like Kieran!! Micah is just as complex as every other character in this stinky game, and people who refuse to acknowledge his layers and just portray him as a monster are whack as shit. And remember, those who tell you what you can and can't enjoy are just as bad as Micah Bell himself. Especially the ones who abuse you over FICTION.

[jaeminlore]

To Live and Let Go | Renjun

summary: if there’s something left to be learned, then my time is running. why would i waste it all, wasted on you?

words: 2.3k+

category: librarian!renjun x tutor!reader, fem!presenting!reader, adventure au, a bit meta, what’s going on idk ur guess is as good as mine, some sections are written better than others, reader is a tutor for prince jaemin, this sucks so bad i’m so sorry.

note: this was a commission for @yrb-reads who donated to a charity of their choice. thank you :) i’m terribly sorry it took so long and it's definitely not up to par the way it should be. if you want something else written to make up for it let me know. there was depression, full time job, and a death in the family i would like to blame, but i should’ve prioritized this story more for you, and for that i’m sorry. thank you so much for donating, and i hope this serves as a holiday gift for you. again, sorry about the short length

To Renjun, libraries feel like home. Especially the castle’s library, located just west of the kitchen; a hidden gem unknown to most people. Really, only known to Prince Jaemin and Renjun, if he really thought about it. Perhaps a few tutors and scholars as well.

But these factors don’t make it home. Instead, it is the wooden walls of thick cedar trunks, built long before the castle walls were put up; when the builders didn’t have the heart to tear such a piece of architecture down. It’s the way it smells like a forest at all times, and how the inside walls are chipped and falling onto the bare floor. It is the large shelves, made just decades ago, crammed up against each other and overflowing with the royal family’s books. Each piece of literature is practically an heirloom, save the small shelf in the corner where the prince hides his new romance novels he gets delivered straight from the village of Rubin.

The library feels like a bridge between the kingdom and the village. Inside these four walls, wooden and chipped, Rubin feels like one entity, undivided by classes or rank.

It also happens to be the one place Renjun is allowed to hang his paintings.

Ever since he was younger, it has been Renjun’s dream to be a portrait artist. To be able to place his thumbprint in Rubin’s history by painting the royal family or a few important nobles, is all he has ever wanted. But the King and Queen prefer a man of nobility to do the work, so Renjun was shot down. Since he sold everything he had to come and shoot for his dream, the royal family had offered him a pity job.

Correction: Prince Jaemin had begged his parents not to turn Renjun away empty-handed and convinced them to let him earn his pay here in the castle.

Prince Jaemin does a lot for Renjun. He had introduced him to his friend and closest servant, Donghyuck, who has a sharp tongue but no real malice to back up anything he ever said. Renjun had moved in with him, and used his side of the house as his painting room. Donghyuck barely even complains about the scent of oil paint anymore.

Prince Jaemin also got him his current job as a bookbinder. Which, in itself, is a very lonely and tedious job. Perfect for a boy like Renjun who only wants to work with no outside distractions. Aside from his friends in the castle, that is. Or the prince’s tutor, who comes in for study material.

Most importantly, Prince Jaemin lets Renjun hang up his portraits in the library. He had said that they deserved to be hung up, even if it couldn’t be hung up in the royal hall. Renjun had nearly burst into tears in front of the hyperactive prince.

They had met during a touchy time in the prince’s life. He had just returned to the castle after a trip to the village. There, he was hiding from potential assassins, but for some reason, the prince seemed more upset about coming back.

It was in the quiet of that library that Jaemin let Renjun, a complete stranger at the time, in on the secret that he was in love with a girl from the village. For the young artist, it wasn’t hard to imagine. Prince Jaemin was known for his free spirit and hyperactive personality. There was no way he could become attached to a noble raised under discipline.

Of course the prince was raised under the highest of discipline, but he somehow found a way to rebel against it all and stay true to himself, even if it meant hiding the portraits he liked the best in a forgotten library, or befriending the healer and servant of the castle instead of the lords.

He was wonderful, and Renjun couldn’t wait for him to be king.

The library was home because Prince Jaemin made it home. He had crafted a place between the castle and the village — a place of seclusion — just for Renjun and his thoughts.

-

“I just want them to listen to me,” Jaemin moans, dropping his chin onto his open romance book. “I’ve been asking them for almost a year and a half to let me go back to the village, but they refuse to listen to me.”

Renjun hums non-committedly. “Chin up, please. I’m not finished.”

Jaemin glares at Renjun through his eyelashes but obliges, a pout still evident on his face. He returns to his casual pose of leaning his cheek against his fist and turning the pages of his book. “Anyway, I really want to go back to the village.”

“I know,” Renjun sighs and dips the tip of his paintbrush into the copper-colored paint he had mixed. “Right now, you have to obey them. You may be the prince but obviously they’re the king and queen.”

“I’m about to be nineteen,” Jaemin mumbles angrily.

“And when your coronation arrives, you’ll have more freedom to do things like visit the village.”

“Her grandmother died, you know,” Jaemin says, morose. “I could’ve been there for the funeral, at least.”

Renjun grabs a slimmer paintbrush and begins to note the details of Jaemin’s face. “I know, Your Highness. But if she’s anything like you’ve told me, then I’m sure she understands.”

Jaemin bites his lip and looks at the book sadly. “I just miss her.”

“It’s your duty to stay here. I’m sure she realizes that.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes, albeit sadly, and goes back to posing.

“Your Highness! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Renjun’s brush shakes slightly as his mind registers the new voice. It is Jaemin’s tutor. You, a servant the same age as the prince, seem to be the only one he will actually listen to. Perhaps because you entertain his many ideas. Perhaps because Renjun had begged him to keep you around.

Because you not only entertained Jaemin’s ideas, you also praised Renjun’s art. You are a no-nonsense tutor, but as a friend, you have had neverending praise and encouragement to the two boys.

Renjun longs to be around you as much as Jaemin is. In fact, you are the only real reason Renjun finds himself being jealous of the prince. He often wonders how Jaemin could even think about a villager he only knew for a week, when you are right there beside him, every day.

Just the blossom of your smile could make Renjun’s mind freeze in all it’s concerns. Suddenly, the portrait in front of him means little to nothing, and all he could really think about was how many different shades of pink and brown he’d have to mix before he matched the color of your lips. “Hello, Y/n.”

“Good day,” you greet, bowing slightly. “What are you painting today?”

Renjun almost forgets to breathe when you walk toward him and lean your head over his shoulder to inspect his art. He can smell the amber musk on your collarbones and feel your soft hair tickle his cheek. “J-Jaemin.”

“You always paint him,” you murmur, almost in boredom. “Say, do you do favors?”

“Come again?”

“Like, if I paid you, would you draw a portrait of me? I think my mother would really like it— she’s always asking me to get a portrait done.”

Renjun feels his tongue rest heavy in his mouth. Before he can speak, Jaemin grabs your arm. “He can do it! Now let’s get to my lessons!”

And that was that on that.

-

The stream trickles loudly, leaping down and over the rock formations and falling into the pool with grace. This is where Renjun comes to find inspiration. It’s also where he comes to practice his art.

It’d be nice to do it into the library, but Renjun knows that he would abandon all his actual duties — the ones that he gets paid to do.

He eyes his oil paints, color coordinated from lightest to darkest shade. He dips his brush in pure white, to lay a foundation coat atop his canvas.

Truth be told, he could paint you from memory. But if he told you that, he’d have to admit to his crush on you, and that’s far too embarrassing. No, thank you.

Renjun takes off his sandals and plants his feet on the soft grass. The blades tickle his toes, so he tries to relax his muscles. He has the canvas stretched out on his knees, which is a bit unconventional, but it works. He looks up at the afternoon sun; his straw hat scrapes the trunk of the tree he’s leaning against.

“Sorry I’m late. Jaemin needed help with Latin...” You wander in and trail off, looking at the pool in wonder. “This is beautiful.”

You’re dressed in silver shades — Renjun wonders if you intentionally made yourself look extra beautiful, or if that’s you, in the reflection of the water. He clears his mind and his throat. “I figured It’d be a nice background for a portrait.”

“How do you want me posed?” Your lips are upturned, soft, and Renjun starts a mental list on how to keep you smiling.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Renjun hurries. “We’ll be here for an hour or so each session until it’s finished.”

You sit in the grass, atop your knees, and smooth out any wrinkles in your garments. “My Mother is going to be so thrilled, Renjun. Thank you so much for doing this.”

His tongue feels heavy at the compliment, so he settles for a simple nod. The foundation coat is still drying, so Renjun pulls his sketchbook and a pencil out of his bag. “Do you mind if I start with a few sketches?”

“Of course not,” you say. Your eyes clip to his, bright and clear, and Renjun thinks this is going to be a lot harder than he initially thought.

(The next session, Renjun is so focused on getting the outline of your back right that he doesn’t even notice you moving towards him.

“You’ve got paint on your brow,” you say.

Renjun reflexively wipes at his face, feeling himself blush at your observation. “Is it gone?”

You grin — looking straight at him — and reach up. Gently, you use the pad of your thumb to scrub off the paint. “Now it is.”

Renjun thinks he’d rather melt into the floor than finish the rest of this session.)

-

Renjun threads the spine of his latest project: scribe records from the recent knighting tournament and ceremony. Even as he pulls the last thread tight, his finger raw and screaming, he’s thankful that he wasn’t the one editing these records.

Jaemin hasn’t been to the library in awhile. His current betrothement has him in a frenzied mindset, and Renjun is sure he has more important things to do than hang out with his friends.

Still, he misses the company.

He sets the glue along the spine and aligns the pages with the leather backing. He’s so busy focusing on making sure the lines are straight that he doesn’t notice someone walk into the library. “Hello, Renjun.”

Renjun jumps, and the spine of the book misaligns. He leaves it on his table, and when he turns around, you’re there smiling at him. “Hey, Y/n. I didn’t know you tutored Jaemin today.”

”I don’t,” you admit. A bashful look overtakes your face and you focus on one of the books in Renjun’s return pile. “I wanted to thank you for the portrait. My mother loved it.”

“I’m glad!” Renjun says, brightening up. He notices that you still look rather distant. “Is something wrong?”

”it’s just...” you bite your lip. “Do, um, do I really look like that?”

Renjun wants to ask what you mean. But he sort of knows. “Your portrait? Is it not to your likeness?”

You furrow your brows. “I just... You made me look very beautiful.”

“You are very beautiful,” Renjun replies, voice low and steady. “Surely, you know that.”

Embarrassment paints your face and you shrug. “I dunno...”

“I know,” Renjun says, surety building in his voice. “Whether you believe it or not, it’s a fact that you are very beautiful. I hope my painting portrayed even an inch of your beauty.”

You look aghast at his words, mouth open in shock. “Are you… Are you serious?”

Renjun stares at the way your lips look, pursed in confusion. “Why on earth would I lie to you?”

“I don’t mean to insult your integrity,” you say, eyes wide. “It’s just that no one has ever been so upfront with me.”

This is it, Renjun thinks. This is my chance to confess. He takes a deep breath, steps closer to you. Toe to toe, so that your chest is brushing against his. And the outside air lessens it’s chill, so that Renjun is sure he’s sweating, nervous and hot and wanting.

His luck hasn’t run out yet. “Can I be upfront again?”

Your breath hitches, leaving Renjun’s own words isolated, suspended in the air between you. “Yes,” you finally say, honeyed lips nearly brushing his own.

“I’m in love with you,” Renjun allows himself to say. “And I want to kiss you. Selfishly.”

“Then do so.”

Your lips are honeyed; candied peonies against his own cruel briars and thorns. Renjun wonders if he’s good enough for you. If book binding and tutoring go hand in hand. If he’ll be stuck forever in the royal library, giving you books to read to the prince. He wonders if this is the life of a peasant, always one step behind the nobles.

Two people in service to a prince can never truly serve each other.

But Renjun doesn’t hold on to that thought. Instead, he surges forward, holds your body like it’s falling, kissing your mouth and your chin and your neck and your skin and—

“Hey,” you cup his face in his hands. “This isn’t the last time you’ll have me. There’s no need to be urgent.”

So he slows down. Gentle touches and warm gazes. Tastes you as much as touches you. All lips and no teeth. Memorized the palm of your hand against his jaw.

You’ll still be here, you said so.

Renjun decides to let go.

[allhailthewicked]

Random JATP Headcannon: Reggie Pep-Talking Julie

 Disclaimer: Hey y’all there’s a lotta negative self-talk and body image stuff in this long and chonky puppy (like a dachshund). Am I just simply projecting in this headcannon? Si señores, señoras, y señoritas ...umm chile anyway so... on to the angst and fluff.

Julie is a bad bitch.

And we love that for her. But every bad bitch has a few weaknesses. Like popping balloons or falling for a ghost who died in 1995 or being afraid that you are going to lose everyone you’ve ever cared about. But there are days when Julie’s biggest weakness is her body. Then again Julie loves her body, she loves how her hair curls and how it frames her, and even though it can be a pain in the ass, she loves it. She also loves her smile and the gap between her teeth and how musical her laugh is. She loves how she can pull off a blazer and a dress and how her eyes sparkle in the sun. She loves how clear her skin is and her brows and her height and everything but some days she doesn't. But some days she looks in the mirror and cringes at what she sees.

Ha, it's funny to think that I can pull this off.

I'm too much of this and not enough that.

I don't really love how I look in this.

Maybe I should just change

These thoughts often seem to be swirling around in Julie's brain. But sadly those aren't the worse thoughts she has that award goes to thoughts like:

Luke would never fall for a lifer like you.

and

He’s way too good for you. Maybe you'll have better luck if you're prettier

Julie sighs flattening her crop top grabbing her sides before quickly opting to change into a longer looser shirt. She grabbed her phone from her nightstand shooting a text to Flynn.

Trouble #1💜: hey love! you free rn? i’m having a terrible bbd today and i need a distraction and a hug

Trouble #1💜: and maybe a good cry

Trouble #2💕: aww girlie i would love to but i’m in colorado at my aunt’s wedding reception

Trouble #1💜: oh shit. i’m sry i forgot.

Trouble #1💜: no thoughts head empty only body negativity

Trouble #1💜: how’s the wedding? did stacy cry when your aunt came down the aisle?

Trouble #2💕: don’t worry about it jules. a certain dead ghost boy has haunted your brain cells maybe you can go to him. i’m sure he’ll love the cuddles 😉😉😉

Trouble #2💕: stacy bawled btw but so did aunt hilda and dad pretended that he didn’t, but we all know he loves seeing hilda happy.

Trouble #2💕: it’s so fucking freezing. but the dress was absolutely gorgeous tho

Trouble #1💜: cuuuteee love that for them. well, i have to go guys maybe practice a song or two. but luke was kind of the one who started this. idk i’m just going to try and get through the day so i can rush back to my room and rewatch New Girl or something

Trouble #2💕: WHAT DID THAT BASTARD DO?!?!?!

Trouble #2💕: I WILL COME DOWN FROM COLORADO TO BEAT HIS ASS!!!

Trouble #1💜: He did nothing. I’m just overthinking ya know. Like I’m not worth it. He doesn’t need me. I don’t deserve him

Trouble #2💕: jules i’m going to be real with you. HONESTLY HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU!!!! but he does look at you like you’re his source of life so don’t let this dead, paler than wonder bread boy hurt you!!! he’s so lucky to have you in his life.

Trouble #2💕: you are a gorgeous girl!!!! stunning. an absolutely beautiful, smart, and amazing person!! everybody lights up when you walk into the room. but you know who lights up the most. mr. boo-berry music man simping cute bright dead eyes looking ass.

Trouble #2💕: but maybe you should talk to alex if you don’t believe me. sadly he seems like the himbo with the most emotional knowledge. so maybe talking to him will help. but promise me you’ll take care of yourself love

Trouble #1💜: I promise. flynn imma just wear a bigger sweatshirt and pretend that i’m okay instead of feeling like I want to wrap myself in a blanket. it’ll be all good. gtg bye love you :)

Trouble #2💕 : THAT’S NOT HEALTHY!!! but please do take care of yourself. i’ll be back soon and i’ll talk to you later💕.

Julie grabs an old Orphuem hoodie that belonged to her mom, slipping it on noticing how she still hasn’t quite grown into it. Walking past her mirror one more time Julie scrunches her nose not appreciating how her tight jeans look on her. In fact, she doesn’t like how her nose looks today. 

Fuck I hate when I feel like this. Maybe Flynn is right. I should probably talk to Alex and at least try to avoid Luke. He doesn’t need to see me like this.

Sighing, she makes her way over to the garage. She opens the door only to see Reggie intensely focused on playing the riff he was working on for their new song.

“Is Luke around? I need to snatch up Alex, but I don’t want him to see me and worry,” she asked, starting to giggle when he snapped out of his trace as a small yelp left his lip.

Reggie spotted Julie’s Orpheum hoodie not noticing how much his eyes widened.

Julie cocks her head at the gaping Reginald before realizing he was staring at her hoodie. “It was my mom’s,” Julie whispered as Reggie nodded along, “she used to work there in college. Mom and her best friend, my Tia Maria were waitresses there. But I’m getting distracted, is Alex here? I just really need to talk to him and his dumb emotional availability.” 

“Well, it’s Alex and Willie’s 6-month anniversary, so I hope he’s not around here. But he’s like at the beach with Willie being all mushy.”

“Oh wow, they’re so cute together! He’s definitely seemed so happy since he met him,” Julie said, truly proud of her drummer but not completely masking her disappointment of not having anyone to talk to.

“Yeah, he's more free now. Plus it gives me and Luke the opportunity to rag on him on how easily he flushes when Willie teases him. But you don’t need to worry about lover boy or your lover boy,” he says while waggling his eyebrows at her. 

Julie sadly laughs trying to hide her face from the boy. As Reggie seemingly oblivious continued “Luke is at his parents. He’s been going more often trying to find sneaky ways to leave his song. Some unpublished songs Julie. He has never done anything like that since you went to his parent’s house with him. The closure is cathartic for him,” he whispered, putting down his bass. “He loves seeing his mom’s face light up when she finds another song. But you seem down Julie, what’s wrong?”

“Oh it’s nothing Reggie don’t worry about it,” Reggie cocks an eyebrow at her with a concerned look on his face. Julie looked away sighing, putting on her hood before continuing on, “I’m just a little under the weather and just needed someone to talk to, but it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I will be fine in a few hours. But don’t worry, and please don’t tell Luke.”

“Well Julie you can talk to me,” Reggie pauses puts down his bass putting his hands behind his head, legs cross, frowning slightly, “Believe it or not I can be a little insightful but seriously Julie you’re like my little sister and I hate to see you like this.”

Reggie taps on the spot on the couch next to him motioning for Julie to sit down.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me anything but if you need someone to talk I here when you are ready,” And with that, Reggie picked up his bass and started to work on what seems like a new song.

Together they sit in this calming silence as Reggie starts to pluck away at this melody taking notes of what chord progressions work and what doesn’t while Julie quietly points at chords. This goes on for about five minutes until Julie finally says something.

“Fine okay you need to promise me that you won’t tell Luke because he’ll try and fix this, and he’ll probably make me feel worse,” Reggie quickly nods before putting his fist out giving her a promise fist bump. Julie wetly laughs at this before taking her hood off, running her hands through her hair.

“You know for years I’ve waked up and then immediately looked in the mirror and some days I loved what I see those days are good. I love how I look and how I feel, and I’m just happy. But some days I don’t... some days I look in the mirror and I just see every single flaw I have, and I just want to hide in my bed and not let anyone see me. Some days I feel like I don’t deserve you or Luke or Alex or Flynn or even my family. I just look into the mirror, and I’m like why would anyone stand to look at me. And you know today is one of those days. When Mami was alive she would call a day like today a BBD. It was a code for bad body day or day when we would just wear matching hoodies, cuddle, and binged movies without telling Dad what was wrong. But he understood, he understood that Mami would take care of it and that she understood what I was going through. We did it so often until she you know... that I don’t know how to tell my dad about it. Like him making me hot chocolate like he used to won’t make going away,”  Julie sighed wiping the quickly forming tears from her eyes. Julie turned away from the concerned, so he couldn’t see how close she is to completely breaking down.

Reggie wrap his fettuccine arms around Julie pulling her into a warm hug that smelled like the lemon-lavender bath and body works body wash she bought him for the shower in the garage. The was comforting which led to Julie letting her guard down, shoulders shaking as she heavily sobbed into her undead friend’s shoulder as he rubbed her back. After she was seemingly cried out she looked up at Reggie, who looked wide eyed at her.

“I’m sorry I snotted all over your flannel. God that’s so disgusting. I’m just going to go to bed and just mope and watch Netflix. Thank for being a shoulder I could lean on. I’m sorry that I was just being annoying,” Julie whispered as she tried to wipe away the snot only to make a bigger mess.

"Hey hey hey it's okay Julie I can just wash it or like blame it on ghost ectoplasm. Julie do we leak ectoplasm?"

Julie laughed wetly as Reggie frantically looked to see if he was oozing before realizing that he was getting distracted. She quickly noticed the major shift in demeanor change as he seriously looked at her.

"Julie you are beautiful and I know that you don't feel like that now but you will eventually. And I know that you don't want me to fix you and I won't because I can't. And I know you might want to try to impress Luke with how you look or just think that your looks are all that Luke that think about, but I am his best friend and I know that he would be head over fucking heels gone for you. Even if you look like whatever a Jar-Jar looks like he would see you as the light of his world. He is in love with you and your soul and you deserve that love. But you deserve self love even more. Julie you are not a thing to be looked at then judged. You are a person with feelings and  personality and a story, a story to tell. Your body looks the way it does because of all the things you've experienced in life. Julie I know this all may sound meaningless coming from me but you are literally one of the strongest people I know and I know you can through. You will not be less strong if you reach out for help. You might be my favorite Molina but talking to Ray is smarter than you think and he can help. I just hate seeing my sister hurt like this," Reggie said before yelping as he noticed that Julie had started to bawl again.

"Wait Julie no I'm sorry. Was that too much. God I know you said I shouldn't try to fix things. I should've kept my dumb mouth closed and not bring up Ray. I'm sorry Julie don't cry," Reggie rambled nervously rubbing her back

“No no no no Reggie you didn’t say too much. You just shocked me honestly but like in a good way. I mean I can’t say that I will believe everything you said. But thank you Reg. Thank you I am so glad that you are in my life. You’re my favorite Peters and you are much smarter than other people give you credit for,” Julie says laughing at Reggie’s bright smile.

“I mean need them to underestimate me sometimes. But let’s watch something together to at least make your BBD a little better.”

Julie smilies quickly nodding before putting on the first episode of the Mandalorian and snuggling close to the older brother that she never had. 

Julie felt okay to say the least for the next couple of weeks her next BBD hit her. Julie sighed pushing herself off the bed looking in the mirror that is covered in encouraging notes from her Dad, Reggie, and Flynn. She sighed about to leave her room to go talk to her Dad again about what was going on before she notice a hoodie on the bed. It was a fleece lined hoodie that was left on her bed folded her bed saying ‘Uke I’m your father’ on it. 

Reggie Julie sighed shaking her head smiling as she picked up the little note that was left with it 

‘I knew that you said that you and mom had matching hoodies for your BBD’s so here’s one that we can wear together. I mean only if you want to I know it was something you and your mom did so I don’t want to butt in on a tradition. But it could be like a signal that you’re having a BBD. I don’t know it might be stupid but I hope you like it.’

Julie smiles at the slight awkwardness of the note before slipping on the hoodie

A/N: HEY IT’S ME AGAIN WITH THE ANGST FOR THE SECOND TIME IN LESS THAN A WEEK!!! Idk what it is but every time I write something for this fandom it turns into angst. Am I sadist? Ehhh wouldn’t be surprised but idk I think I went through something writing this lol. Also I’m sorry if some the dialouge is cringe I’m tired and I really wanted to post befire I got distracted. Anyway please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist down below by either replying to this post, reblogging this post, or sending me an ask! I would appreciate reblogs and feedback because I love reading your guy's comments and tags they seriously make my day!!! but it's fine if you don't want to :)

~✨My Taglist Isn’t Under the Cut Tonight Lol✨~

@poppin-peters, @sunset-bobby, @theobligatedklutz, @soupforfree, @iamthefryiestfrench-blog, @fiddlepickdouglas, @gay-ghosts-committing-crimes

[freakygirlie]

YEs! Please give your take on the J&G PR show. I'm relatively new to the fandom and have only recently begun watching interviews/cons. One thing that's always bothered me (even before I started shipping j2 and being on the fence about tinhatting), was how MUCH J tries to talk about Gen...but always in the SAME way. Like everytime he has to talk about "fave moment" etc, it's always the same exact answer. When he talks about how amazing she is, it's always the same narrative and tone too. I get that there are people out there who like to talk about their SO whenever possible, but for me it always felt so forced and cringey. Which. He comes off as someone who's desperately trying to paint his spouse in an amazing light, tooting her horn etc, while the rest of the world is left scratching their heads when she doesn't measure up. It's all so weird. Now especially with all this PR stuff for Walker when she is no where near being the female lead. I feel bad for Lindsey. Like, J and LINDSEY should being doing all the joint interviews.

Hi anon! Welcome to the fandom! Hope you have fun(or as much fun as possible) scrolling through our fandom and tinhat blogs if you’re looking to be persuaded!<33

I’m going to start this off by first saying: I’m not a gigantic stan of Gen’s or Jay and G’s marriage. Tbvh even before i became a tinhat, or found out that there were people who shipped them/believed they were together, I wasn’t overly invested in any of the J’s marriages. I’ve always been a big fan of j2 first and foremost, and then came the rest. 

Now, for my take on the J&G pr show. Let’s go a little further back, just a tiny summary-ish of my thoughts and then we’ll tackle recent events. 

Everything you’ve said anon, is exactly what I think, and so so very true. Sometimes, I don’t know what het stans see in the marriage. I remember watching some of their interactions before I got involved in the tinhatting part of the fandom and always, I would always get such weird vibes from it. Forget the interactions, everything J says about her felt so forced. It was like he was trying to make her out to be this perfect goddess when she wasn’t. 

If I was a het stan or wanted to become one i would’ve hightailed it outta there in a week or something. Has anyone ever noticed that whenever Jared and Gen get asked about their marriage all they can say is: Working relationship is excellent! She’s a great mother! Handles everything so well! I fell in love with her on s4! Working relationship, kids, work, kids, mother, father, THAT’S IT! You’d think after 11 years of marriage they’d find something else to say about each other. It’s always the same narrative, same tone, same answer, GOD. It’s so boring and flat, idk how ppl put up with it. The contrast in how Jared talks about Jensen and his relationship with him and when he talks about Gen and his relationship with her IS HUGE. You can see it for yourself anon. J talks so much about G and that wouldn’t be a bad thing! Who wouldn’t love their S/O hyping them up and loving them all the time? And it’d be beautiful to witness...if it wasn’t the same thing over and over and over again. Look at the recent ‘The Talk CBS’ interview. They’re still hyping the marriage up(after 11 years!) like they’re trying to prove something is there even when it’s not. And even then, it’s all work, kids, work, kids. I don’t want to know about your work and kids! We’ve heard it a billion times! If you’re so in love, why can’t you find the chance to say something about each other as a couple?? Like that’s the shit i’d be into, I want to know about you guys, as a couple as a team! But instead we get the same recycled shit all over again. It’s so weird and so suspicious. 

Now let’s talk about recent events. Let’s break a couple things here before we can address the absolute shitstorm that has been recent events, regarding the amount of PR Gen’s been getting despite being a guest star on the show.

What is Gen’s character on Walker? Cordell’s dead wife, Emily. The storyline is about her. Finding her murderer and solving her case, moving on from her death as a family. In case you haven’t seen Walker, it’s similar to the finding dad/mom’s killer storyline on spn. That’s the main goal, but there are quite a few other things sprinkled in between. Gen is a guest star. REMEMBER THAT.

What is Lindsey’s character on Walker? Micki Ramirez, Cordell’s partner, co-lead of the show, she has her own stable relationship with Jeff Pierre’s character Trey, her own backstory and storyline revolving around her mother and her being the first female as well as WOC and a Latina Texas Ranger. She’s learning to trust others, to do her job despite the discrimination, and to build meaningful relationships. Lindsey is a co-lead of the show. REMEMBER THAT.

Now normally, the leads would be promoting the show giving joint interviews and getting all sorts of press for it. Who are the leads? Jared and Lindsey. Who are not the leads? Gen. 

Why is she getting this much amount of attention and press when she’s a guest star on Walker?! Why is the co-lead being ignored and passed up for interviews??? Jared and LINDSEY should be the one giving joint interviews, not Jared and Gen. This is blatant nepotism. 

Some of the excuses for this situation are(which I will shoot down right before your eyes):

-It’s a pandemic: Um, so what video calling suddenly ceased to exist? Honey, CBS has given interviews with 2 people from 2 different places. Did y’all forget about the J2 interview where they were in two different locations? Why can’t this be done with Jared and Lindsey? Not to mention, controlled environments, masks, covid protocols exist! If entire episodes of TV shows are being filmed, why the hell can’t one small interview be too????

-They live together: This one is just dumb actually. Gen shouldn’t be getting this much press ON PRINCIPLE because she is a guest star!!!! In that case, Lindsey and Jared film everyday! Why can’t an interview happen then??? Including Gen in every interview Jared does is going to garner too much attention ALREADY HAS!!! Her living with him has nothing to do with her getting this amount of PR especially because whenever an interview is done with her, it’s always about her character!(the same line too: ‘’There’s more to come’’) her projects!(Towwn, her blog) and their marriage!(more PR). There’s nothing in their about Mantra, or Jared’s character or any of the other storylines! If you think fans aren’t going to be mad about it, do i have something to show you

-Only tinhats are complaining!: Nope. Lindsey stans are too, heck even het stans have found it odd. Do a little research. Lindsey has barely gotten any press for her very important and influential character on Walker. Gen’s barely there, dead character is getting wayyyyy too much attention.

-The storyline revolves around Emily: Saying that Gen should get all the interviews because the story is finding Emily’s killer is like saying JDM or Samantha should have gotten all the interviews in SPN because the story was finding dad/mom’s killer. If Emily was being played by another actress, she would have been number 7 or smth on the call sheet. She wouldn’t be getting this much amount of attention.

So why isn’t Lindsey getting press for her character? Why haven’t we even gotten a single selfie of Jared and Lindsey on set? You want to use the pandemic or storyline excuse for that one as well? 

Now yesterday, there was a war of sorts on Twitter regarding this very issue. After some time the acc @/TheWalkerWiki provided some info on as to why Lindsey wasn’t getting press. They’d said they had emailed her manager and found out that Lindsey had REFUSED press. She was on a hiatus. 

Let’s debunk this as well? Here we go!

@/TheWalkerWiki is a very genuine and helpful account. I have no doubt these emails are true. However the reasons that her manager and publicist have given...

No actress would willingly refuse press like this. It’s like kissing your career goodbye for fuck’s sake. Lindsey’s character is a lead, a female lead, WOC and a Latina, that sort of representation is so important! If they keep refusing press this way, people who don’t know about J&G’s PR team, will automatically think this is WOC hate. And all of us who know Jared, KNOW that Jared would never have interviews refused for Lindsey simply because she’s a women of color. Forget Jared, Lindsey would never do that.

And if she’s on a press hiatus...what about the promo she’s doing for her movie Skylines??? What about this and this interview she’s done for Walker(these are the only 2 I know of, and they too are solo and short.) Those emails are dated March 3rd. The show began on January 21st. What about all the interviews before March? What about NOW? In April??? Its the 22nd of April today(happy birthday JDM!<3). Where’s the explanation for this??? She’s been doing PR for her movie, what about her RIGHTFUL PR for Walker???

Long story short, it’s cross PR work. J&G’s PR have interfered with Lindsey’s. She’s made to keep quite about Walker(at least until the 1st season is over I’m assuming, till Emily’s storyline gets wrapped up) so someone else can ride the newfound success of the show, as well as Jared’s coattails, so they can get all the PR. It’s nepotism, blatant PR of J&G’s marriage. 

I feel terrible for Lindsey and her stans. They don’t know what a shitstorm they walked into.

Now what about the recent interview, The Talk CBS, J&G’s one. God, I’ve seen better interviews. It was the same forced, uncomfortable stance rearing it’s ugly head again, the same stance Jared always takes when in an interview with her. Body language says so much. Jared looked terribly uncomfortable and nervous. They were their same weird selves like they always are, the same awkward moves around each other and whatnot. Lord.

And the interview itself? Nothing but PR for Gen. It was about Gen’s character, her blog, her Towwn project, their marriage, the same boring narrative they’ve stuck to for the past 11 years. And the way they kept saying she was the star of the show??? Hun no. She ain’t. Lindsey is, but y’all are passing her up in the favor of the other star’s wife. They even included that zero chemistry shower video in the interview dhjdjfkslf. It was pointless. Mantra didn’t get any promo, Walker(except for dear old emily) didn’t get any promo, it was just another one of those ‘’let’s convince you we’re in a happy marriage together!’’ interview.

And Gen’s latest post about it. Have y’all looked at the caption?

‘‘don’t take our faces too seriously, i promise we had a good time’‘ THE FACT THAT SHE HAD TO SPECIFY THIS. It’s so highly sus. Not subtle.

And then the things that happened today. Linds reposting the cbs interview post on her acc with the caption ‘’TV’s Hottest Power Couple!’’ , her interacting with fans as if to reassure them she’s here, a sudden glitter magazine interview, Jared(or should I say Gen bc his recent tweet and ig story was not his regular posting/captioning style) on twitter qrting Gen’s post with that sus af caption. I’m completely sure Gen did that. She even replied like 3 minutes later to it. Back in the day spn goss would have jumped on this like anything. Because hello??? Sus as fuck behavior. I smell damage control. 

well there you go. go nuts. i’ve said it. i’m praying for the lindsey stans because see I don’t blame them in the slightest for getting fucking mad about the lack of attention towards Lindsey. 

wow this was long.

[alleycat97]

Slippery Slopes Pt.2

Part two y’all! Sorry it’s late, I’ve been busy. Should be one more part to finish this up!

Tag list: @samanthadalton @fundamentalromantic @avalawrencefl @penda-bear @queen-arabella-of-cordonia @kamilahsayeet2063

It had been an interesting 24 hours since the accident on the slopes yesterday. No word had been passed on about Emma and that left her suitors restless. Mason couldn’t cope with the fact that his father or ex best friend had committed such a cruel act that hurt Emma.

Noah couldn’t believe he was even in this situation. He should have never trusted Jennings but he let his guard down for the sake of the trip and Emma, and this is what he got. He was looking at charges for trespassing and endangerment while Principal Jennings seemed to be clearing his name.

Mack couldn’t stop pacing, Dr. Price was doing an awful job of updating his own daughter on her sisters progress. Ava wasn’t fairing much better. She had organized their room over and over trying to make sure it’s perfect for when Emma came back to the lodge.

It was just a sit tight and stand ready type of situation. None of them had a personal car available, so trapped at the lodge they were.

Ava stopped her cleaning when she heard a cellphone go off, to no surprise it was hers and the caller was Bayla. She grumbled and put the phone back down, she had called 4 times already today. Ava couldn’t bring herself to talk to her girlfriend knowing Emma was hurt in the hospital. She would sound weak, vulnerable, all red flags Bayla didn’t need right now.

Another call rang out across the house, this time it was Mack’s phone, and judging by her facial reactions, it was with her father. Mack nodded enthusiastically and ended the call, yelling out to find Mason.

“Emma is ready to come back here, dad said she will be ok, we need to go and pick her up. Spare keys are in his room, I’ll grab them and we can go.”

“What all was wrong?” Ava rushed out of the room and into the foyer.

“He didn’t say. I guess we will know when we all get back.” Mack said noticing the gloom placed on Ava’s features. “She’s gonna be alright.”

Ava went and tidied up the room once more and without knowing what Emma would require, she just cluttered the entire nightstand with odd and ends eliminating the guessing.

The front door slamming was her queue to come running, she leaned over the balcony railing only to see Jennings and Noah.

“I don’t know how you got those signs in my bag old man, but this isn’t over.” Noah hissed shoving his way past Principal Jennings.

“Maybe you should think twice before doing illegal activities. You’re never going to learn trailer trash.” Jennings barked stopping Noah dead in his tracks.

Jennings was an asshole. This dude seemed to get off on making teenagers lives miserable. The tension was unbearable.

“I know you knew about the course being closed. I just can’t figure out why you’d try to hurt Emma. You’re a sick bastard and if I go down, you’re coming with me.” Noah said inching up into Jennings face.

The scene was split up when Mack came through the door. Mason in tow pushing an unconscious Emma in a wheelchair. She had a cast on her leg and looked so cold. Dave brought up the rear looking like hell. Looks like sleep wasn't an option for him either.

“Ah yes there she is. How did everything go?” Jennings asked unfazed of what transpired.

Mason ignored him and tried to walk past to the staircase with Emma sleeping.

“I said how did everything go?” Jennings said jerking Mason back almost causing him to fall. Noah shoved Jennings aside helping to stabilize Mason so Emma wouldn’t fall out of the chair.

“Ask Mr. Price dad! Let go of me, Emma needs to be in bed!” Mason snapped shoving his fathers hands away from him.

Jennings jumped at the outburst and gritted his teeth, turning to Dave. “Let’s talk in the kitchen, I’ll have the Chef whip up some coffee.”

With the adults gone and the room de-stressed, Noah assisted Mason in carrying Emma up to her room, Ava steering clear of them until Emma was placed in bed.

“Ok boys thank you. I can handle her from here.” Ava shot out shoving them aside to check on Emma.

The boys looked to each other confused but didn’t say anything about the outburst. Mason needed his own rest and Noah had a busy day ahead of him with Jennings and the ski patrol assholes.

“Just let us know when she wakes alright? Mr. Price has her medicine.” Mason said closing the door leaving Ava alone with a sleeping Emma.

Ava had no clue why she wanted the privacy with Emma. She was a taken woman and Emma was her bestie. Nothing else, she tried to convince herself.

But the longer she sat and stared at Emma, the more her heart pounded, the more she wanted to wake her and kiss her all better. The thoughts of such activities made her dizzy and she had to get away. But it was Emma, she had this way of keeping her grounded and for the life of her, Ava couldn’t drag herself away.

So she continued to sit in silence, begging for Emma to wake up, because quite frankly? She didn’t look too well.

Ava easily got up and slipped out of the room and looked for Mr. Price. She heard some quiet commotion from the kitchen, what a shock.

“Now you listen here Jim, I don’t know how it happened, all I know is my little girl just underwent a major leg surgery after she took place in your little race.”

“Now I know how it looks Dave, I’m quite sorry that it happened, but Mr. Harris is the culprit here. I should have known not to place trust in him. What a terrible thing, taking down those signs.”

Noah heard his name and flew into the kitchen,

“I told you Jennings! I didn’t take down any signs!”

“Quiet scum! Adults are talking here! Don’t you have a meeting with the ski patrol?” Jim teased.

“I don’t know how you twisted this on me, but I’ll get you back.” Noah inched closer so only Jennings could here, “Maybe I should call off our deal?”

Whatever was said, Jennings went pale and cleared his throat. Removing himself from the conversation.

“Mr. Price?” Ava said entering the room. “Emma is still asleep. And she’s so pale, she looks sick.”

“I feared that. It’s her medication, she should be awake anytime now for another dose. Here, please give her one of these when she awakes. I’m going to get some rest.” Mr. Price said handing over the medicine.

Ava returned to the room with the meds and hot tea to find Emma slowly awaking.

“Hello sleepy head.” Ava rushed over with a smile.

“Where am I?” Emma groggily spoke out.

“Back in the bedroom with good ol me.”

Emma rubbed at her eyes trying to get them to open, “Are you an angel?”

Ava snorted, “Oh now you wanna shoot your shot huh.”

“Worth a try.” Emma laughed. “I feel terrible.”

“You look it.” Ava agreed dodging the pillow Emma tossed.

“Here Mahomes, here’s your pill and I made your favorite tea.” Ava giggled as she sat down next to Emma to help her take the meds and give her a sip of tea.

“Psh, Mahomes wishes he had this cannon for an arm.” Emma tried laughing but she done exhausted herself.

“Relax, you just underwent surgery. I’m actually impressed they released you so quickly.”

“Perks of having a doctor for a dad. I’m not about that hospital food.”

The two sat in silence for a moment while Emma sipped her tea. It was so nice just the two of them, Ava had Emma all to herself, no intruders, no boys, and no Bayla. Crap....Bayla was still her girlfriend.

Ava came to and realized she was stroking Emma’s delicate hair, resting her hand on Emma’s soft cheek. She quickly composed herself and stood abruptly, creating as much distance as possible.

What was this? What were they? Friends? More than friends? Ava knew what the answer should be, but the timing was terrible. Bayla was her own girlfriend, and Emma had her own issues.

A text shot through to Ava’s phone, it was Bayla. “Speak of the devil.” Ava whispered. She had been putting her off for long enough and by judging by the text she received, Bayla wasn’t happy.

“Ava?” Emma called out oblivious to Ava’s aggressive texting.

Ava turned immediately to face her, “Yeah?”

“Where are the boys?”

Ava doesn’t know why, but with her issues with Bayla and her feelings for Emma, hearing her ask for the boys really added fuel to her blazing fire.

“Idk. Mason is resting and Noah and Jennings are with the ski patrol.”

Emma could hear the aggression in Ava’s voice, but she couldn’t tell if it was at her texting or towards her about her question.

“Is everything alright Ava?”

“Yeah. It’s just Bayla. She’s bugging me because I haven’t responded in awhile.”

“Oh. I wonder what has her in a twist.” Emma asked innocently.

Ava knew why. She told Bayla before she left the arrangement, so naturally she had to keep tabs on her at all times. Trust between the two were slipping, but Ava wasn’t helping her cause and Emma wasn’t either. “Because that’s what a good girlfriend does!” Ava snapped surprising Emma. “She’s just concerned!”

“Oh. I understand, I’m sorry.” Emma apologized.

“No Emma you don’t! You don’t understand and you never will!” Ava said slamming her phone down on the counter and stomping towards the door.

Something told Emma deep within this was more than just Bayla being worried, she couldn’t help but think this was all her fault and the reason Ava was upset.

Ava had to get out and breathe, she loved Emma, but she couldn’t take her indecisiveness. She couldn’t stand competing for her hand any longer, it was time to set the record straight. She stepped back in to grab her phone before heading back out again.

“Where are you going?” Emma tried.

“I’ve got a phone call to make.”

[cloudygeorge]

a start

pairing: tony stark x daughter!reader [platonic]

summary:  Hi!! Can I request a Tony!daughter imagine where he has two daughters but he really neglects (reader) and she thinks it’s bc their mom died giving birth to her (or smething idk) and it’s like he never celebrated her birthday or did anything fun with her and he only talks to her when he’s yelling at her😬preferably a fluff ending!!! Tysm!

warnings: neglectful parents, cursing, bad habits, teenage rebellion, but i think that’s it

Here’s the thing about being the youngest Stark: everything you did, had already been done. You wanted your dad to look at some work you finished? Oh, well your sister had already done it. You got good grades and wanted to show off? Your dad had already seen it.

The problem wasn’t that it had already been done, it was that he was never as interested in you as he was your sister. Sounds unbelievable, but the proof was everywhere. For example, when your sister asked to go to a friends house, he wanted to know who she was going and what time she would be home. But when it came to you, all he ever said was, “Whatever.”

Most teens would love the unlimited freedom, but it just made you feel less important. And when teenagers feel less important, they find ways to become important. So you spent most of your teen years doing as you pleased. You found yourself hanging out with the wrong crowd, who then pressured you to do the wrong things. And at first you did it because they made you feel like you belonged, like something finally was going your way.

But then the reactions came. You’d sneak in late, and your dad would catch you. “Where the hell have you been?” He’d say. “You think you can just do whatever you want now?”

And then you would scoff, and say, “Who’s going to stop me?”

And Tony would get real quiet and just stare at you for a few minutes before letting out a pained sigh, and just tell you to go to bed. Every time, after he was gone, you couldn’t help but think, I bother him that much? Am I really that big of a burden to him?

So things changed. Because, when you were little, you looked up to your dad like he put all the stars in the sky, but now it seemed like your existence hurt him. It made you quit caring. You didn’t care what happened when you were out with your friends, drunk off your ass in the worst part of town. You didn’t care what happened when you started wearing clothes that your friends wore, because at least someone was paying attention to you.

It took Nick Fury himself to make a change.

“…and that’s why we need you specifically,” the blunt male ended his briefing.

Tony nodded. “Okay. Simple in and out, then.”

Nick gave a nod of confirmation before his phone went off. “Keep talking if you have questions. It’s probably just Y/N.”

“Why the hell would my daughter be texting you? Why is she even in contact with you?” The billionaire’s eyes were narrowed, his face drawn together in suspicion and thinly veiled anger. He was sure his heartbeat was too fast to be normal, and his anger only heightened when the man across from him didn’t even look up from his phone screen when replying, “You’re a terrible father.”

“Excuse me?” The offense was clear in his voice, making Fury roll his eyes and turn to him, giving him his undivided attention. “When’s the last time you asked your kid what was wrong? Or anything, really?”

“What are you talking about? I ask-”

“I mean Y/N. Specifically her, when’s the last time you sat down and actually had a conversation with your daughter? One where you didn’t yell at her because she was out all hours of the night, or because her grades were lower than her sisters, or because you didn’t like what she was wearing, and instead tried to figure what the hell was wrong?”

His harsh stare was leaning towards an angry glare as Tony fumbled for answer. “Why are you even talking to Y/N? How would you know anything about the way I parent my kids?”

“Because the answer to my question is that you don’t remember because it’s been so long, and about a year ago, a police officer called me about her because she said she was currently n my care, and she was drinking. Ever since, I’ve been checking up on her because someone has to care about her.” He stood up, patting Tony’s shoulder harshly as he walked by. “You’ve been fucking up for a long time, Stark. Fix it before you lose your kid.”

For a long time after h left, Tony sat there in his chair, staring out the window. Was he right? He tried his hardest to think of the last time he’d had a normal conversation with you, but none came to mind. He let his head drop into his hands as a replay filled his head. What was wrong with him?

“Well, yeah, of course she had one, he was all over-”

At the sound of your voice and his front door closing, he shot up from his seat. “Y/N?”

All sound stopped as you spotted your father, looking distressed. He watched your face visibly drop, and happy tone he heard in your voice a minute ago was long gone. “I gotta go, I’ll call you, later.” A minute ago you sounded so happy, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw you like that. Now you sounded dejected, and tired.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” You didn’t say anything as you set your stuff down. “I”m serious.”

Your face displayed shock. “I get to talk this time? It won’t just be you yelling at me about how much of a burden I am to you?”

“I’ve never called you a burden,” he frowned. Usually he would have been firmer, but everything he was finding out about himself today was throwing him for a loop. He was so confused, had he really treated his youngest daughter so poorly? When you scoffed and muttered out a, “you didn’t have to,” he knew it was true.

A strangled sob left him, at least that’s you thought it was, but honestly it kind of sounded like he was trying not to cry and choking at the same time, yet it was enough for you drop your attitude and ask if he was alright.

“I am so sorry,” he managed to get out, and if you were walking you would have stumbled. “I haven’t been a good dad to you.”

You chose not to answer, wanting to tell him just how right he was. You had dreamed of the day he apologized to you, but now you weren’t even sure what he could say to make it better. “I didn’t even notice what I was doing, and I am so sorry because that’s is so fucking awful. Looking back I remember think you looked so much like your mom, and one day I missed her so much, and I remember trying to avoid you the entire day, but I’ve been terrible to you for over a year.”

It was a good thing you didn’t want to stop him, because once he started talking it seemed like he couldn’t stop. He wasn’t even sure if what he was saying made sense, or if it affected or meant anything to you at all, but nevertheless he tried. “I remember growing up with my dad, and he seemed more proud of his projects than me, his own kid. and I did exactly that to you, and I am so sorry.”

You nodded at him, and moved to sit by him at the counter. He didn’t even remember sitting down. “I’ll be better. Because you are more than enough, and I am so proud of you and you never should have felt like anything less than that.”

You just nodded. You weren’t sure what to say. Did he even mean it?”

He grabbed your hand. “You are not a burden. You are a Stark, you are intelligent and beautiful and one of two sole reasons I get up in the morning, and I’m so sorry you feel like I don’t love you.”

When he started tearing up, you knew he meant it. Maybe it was the fact that he grew up in a similar situation, or maybe he would have reacted the same even if he hadn’t. It would take a long time before you looked at your dad in the same light again, but when he laid you down in your bed after you spent an hour crying into his shirt and sobbing out everything you’ve ever wanted to say, you knew he loved you and that was a start.

[just-anka]

I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done. 

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha. 

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day). 

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday. 

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably). 

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general. 

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D) 

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited! 

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well. 

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime. 

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that. 

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way! 

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

okay so in one of your quarantine drabbles you write about peter having a sensory overload i think and nat asks "how long?" and then she finds out it isnt long for peter and basically im saying id love to see the aftermath of peter's long episodes- maybe he like walks into a movie night where the other avengers are hanging and didnt tell him to try and let him sleep or something? idk it may be stupid i just thought it might be cute

Thanks for the prompt, babe! It’s been a while since I looked at that one ^-^ I hope you like it!

Read on Ao3

Pairings: Momma and Baby Spider. We love us some platonic Avengers. 

Warnings: aftermath of sensory overload episode, other than that, hella fluffy

Word Count: 1869

Pretty much every time FRIDAY pops up a panel in her room, Natasha doesn’t pay a lot of attention because typically it’s something she knows already.

Not this time.

The window pops up as Natasha comes out of the bathroom, twisting her hair into a braid. It shows Peter sitting quietly by himself on the couch in the common room.

“FRIDAY, is Natasha in her room?”

“Yes.”

She expects Peter to get up and start walking towards the elevator but instead, he stays on the couch, twisting his hands together.

“…do you think she’d be okay with me going over?”

“Yes.”

He still doesn’t get up. Oh, Peter.

Natasha sighs and tosses the comb back onto the sink. Once arriving at the Complex, she’d had a feeling that this might happen. Considering how Peter had vanished into the lab within five minutes of arriving and only now, three hours later, has he emerged, it’s less of a feeling now.

“Do you—“

“Stop stalling, Peter, and go.”

Thank god for FRIDAY, hmm? She’s pretty certain if anyone else had tried to say that to him it wouldn’t’ve worked. The screen closes as Peter gets up with an: “okay, okay, I’m going.”

Natasha sits down on the bed and presses her hands together under her chin. “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” the AI summarizes helpfully.

“Okay,” she breathes, getting up and going to the closet.

She opens the doors and reaches up, looking for the thick comforter. She pulls it down. Perfect. It’s nice and soft and thanks to being up on the top shelf it’s nice and cool. Spreading it over the bed, she straightens up just in time for the soft chime of the door.

Natasha pulls on the fluffy grey cardigan and goes to answer. Peter looks so much smaller standing swamped in his pink sweater than he did on the cameras.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Oh, dear. “Are — are you busy?”

“Come in, Солнышко,” she says instead, stepping aside.

Peter smiles — or at least the corners of his mouth quirk up a little bit — and walks through the door, glancing around the room. There isn’t anything Natasha can see, which means Peter’s not alright.

Obviously, we knew that, and we didn’t need the confirmation.

“Of course,” Natasha said. She closed the door. “What’s going on, Peter?”

'I just, um, wanted to see how you were settling in for the night—“

“Peter.”

Peter freezes. Then he looks over at Natasha, and swallows hard. “…sorry, habit.”

“I know.” Peter hides very well behind civility and the service mask. It’s the hardest one to take off, especially when it works so well.

“…are you settling in okay?” Case in point. Natasha’s about to chide him when she catches sight of Peter’s face. “Please?”

Natasha’s known Peter long enough to know what he’s really asking. “I’m just here relaxing, Peter, you’re not interrupting anything. I just got out of the shower when you arrived.”

“…thanks.”

She reaches out, offering her hand. Peter nods. She takes him lightly by the arm and tugs him toward the bed. “Now, what’s wrong, Солнышко?”

Poor Peter looks like he’s about ten seconds from falling over. He tries to stand up and Natasha’s chest clenches when he wobbles terribly.

“Easy,” she murmurs, catching him by the shoulders and sitting him back down, “talk to me.”

“…it’s…it’s been a really long day,” Peter mumbles, “and I, um…it started at school.”

“I see.” So more than three hours.

“And, um…” Peter hesitates. Then his arms go tightly around his waist. He laughs. For one second. Then it turns into a hitched gasp. It settles like a dead weight in Natasha’s chest.

“Obviously it didn’t go as well as I would’ve liked.”

“…oh, Peter, come here.”

Every single ounce of Natasha’s body is screaming at her to cuddle the poor kid until he can’t cry anymore. She tucks Peter’s head under her chin and works her hand under the iron grip the kid’s got on his own waist to rest on his lower stomach, rubbing softly to ground him.

It starts tensing under her hand and the hitching of his breaths makes Natasha curl her arms around him. Damn, she wishes she were better at this. All she does is clutch Peter closer as he begins to shake, making soothing noises.

“I didn’t know it was gonna be that bad, I wanted—I wanted to get work done today but I couldn’t and I just wanted to—“

“Shh, shh, you don’t have to explain, shh, I’ve got you.”

It takes a while, to neither of their surprises, but eventually, Peter stills and buries his face in Natasha’s neck, nuzzling into the collar of her sweater.

“…thank you for understanding, Nat,” he mumbles.

“Of course,” Natasha replies automatically, running her hand through Peter’s hair. As she feels Peter start to slump, an idea comes to her head. Something to help him fall asleep.

“Hey, listen,” she says softly, giving Peter’s head a little shake, “sometimes when it gets bad for me, I have this ritual of sorts. Can we try it?”

“Um, what is it?”

“Will you lie down on the bed for me?”

It takes a second, which she doesn’t mind at all, for Peter to move out of her arms and crawl to the middle of the bed. He tugs his sweater around him and lays down on his back.

“Here?”

“Perfect.” Natasha smiles and moves closer, swinging a leg to lie over Peter’s calves, still checking that it’s okay. She reaches forward to tug at the edge of Peter’s sweater. “Can I take your sweater off?”

“What are we doing?” Peter blurts out, tugging the sweater closer around himself.

Natasha smiles sadly. Sometimes she forgets that Peter’s still in so many ways just a kid. Even though he’s in so many ways the exact opposite. And right now, he looks every bit the scared kid who just needs a hug.

“I know that you said there’s a bit after one of your attacks, especially a long one,” she murmurs, “where it’s hard for you to remember where your body is.”

“Yeah.”

Natasha leans forward and runs her hand over Peter’s cheek. “In my experience, being close to someone afterward and knowing they care about you, after everything, makes me feel a little more human, a little more like I know I..have a body.”

“Is that why you help Steve with the whole once a week thing?”

“You mean having someone take care of you and make you feel safe and loved which is very important?” Natasha smirks as Peter starts to fumble with his hands and averts his gaze. “Hmm? Is that what you’re asking me?”

“…yes.”

“Yes. Also why I help Steve with it. Apart from the fact that he’s a big blond puppy dog with you, he’s very good at being very pure in his affections and he loves you. So much. We all do.”

And she does have to smile again with Peter giving Steve a run for his money with his puppy dog eyes.

“…what am I supposed to say to that?”

“That you love us too?”

Peter’s face changes to scared almost immediately and he scrambles upwards. “Of course I do, did I — “

“Shh, Солнышко, I’m teasing. Of course, we know.” Peter relaxes and lets Natasha lie him back down. “You don’t have to say anything.”

She can see how hard it is for him to feel like he’s okay to relax if he keeps talking.

“Or talk, if you don’t want to,” she amends.

“Okay.”

The room feels warmer with Peter here, like it’s trying to make itself into a nest. She takes the edge of the comforter and fluffs it, making it look like Peter’s sinking into the blanket. As she works, she starts murmuring softly.

“My ritual is to have someone else just stay with me for a little bit. Just to feel a little more human. So I just want to touch you. That’s it. Physical contact, safe, soft, from someone who loves you. Is that okay?”

She gets a nod, so she takes her hands and gently places them on the sides of his ribcage.

“…I want to touch your skin directly. It’ll help ground you. You can keep your stuff on if it helps. Is that okay?”

Another nod.

“Alright.”

She starts peeling the sweater slowly away from Peter’s body, running her hands over the material, and placing one hand on the little bit of Peter’s waist that she can see under his shirt.

“I think I know where to avoid but if at any time I hurt you or make you uncomfortable you tell me,” she says sternly, “don’t just lie there and take it, alright?” Peter nods. “I’m afraid I’m gonna need a verbal agreement for this one.”

“Yes,” Peter says, “I promise.”

“Good job, Baby Spider.”

“Please don’t touch my wrists.”

“I won’t.” Peter takes the hem of his sweater and balls it up in his fist as Natasha’s hand starts rubbing small circles on his tummy. “You let me know if it gets bad again, okay?”

“I will.”

“Thank you,” she murmurs as she stretches to put Peter’s phone on the nightstand. “Do you want me to talk or stay quiet?”

“…don’t know.”

“Why don’t I start talking,” she says as she resumes rubbing little circles on Peter’s tummy, “and then if you want me to stop, you let me know.”

He nods.

So Natasha starts talking. If she’s being perfectly honest, she can’t really tell what she’s saying, she’s just kind of rambling. She’s much more focused on how her hands run softly over the scars and the marks left on Peter’s skin, and how Peter’s many masks slowly start to slip off, dozing under the warm light.

It’s somewhere in the middle of a story about something Clint did in the middle of their mission to Bucharest — not Budapest — that she notices Peter’s eyes are closed. She smiles softly and lets her voice trail off, only to frown when Peter blinks his eyes open and shifts.

“It’s okay, you can sleep. That’s part of it,” Natasha reassures, giving the upper part of his chest a little pat. Peter shifts back and his eyes close again, a sleepy little murmur quickly muffled by the comforter as Natasha tucks him in. “We love you, Солнышко. Sleep, now.”

“Good night, Natasha,” comes Peter’s little voice from the pile of blanket.

“Good night, Baby Spider. Sleep.”

Natasha continues to rub Peter’s arms softly and murmuring quiet words into the hushed room until Peter’s breathing evens out. She trails off again and this time, Peter doesn’t wake up.

[babyloniastreasure]

right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it

dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore

so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”

i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that

Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me  who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy

instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here

and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.

and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!

thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate

From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.

what a load of shit.

i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.

“Communicate with us Jask!”

“Okay I will send communication”

“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people

How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay

and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?

do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction

do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that

do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?

again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.

at this point its been so long

and i’ve deteriorated so much

i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?

i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if 

oh boy i started crying again

what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them

if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im  so fucking awul

im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop