#Every time I got pregnant I desperately pleaded with God that it was a son

[thegreenleavesofspring]

My mother had all girls. She was delighted by this - she wanted all girls, quiet and polite and ladylike.

I have all boys. God knew what He was doing giving me all boys and we'll leave it at that.

I have never been particularly prone to filters. Over-thinking, yes. Filters, no. Having three very small boys has taken a sledgehammer to whatever filters a ladylike upbringing and working retail might have imposed on me.

My mother is appalled. It's usually quite funny.

[whatitshouldvebeen]

God I just had a massive angsty thought about Johnny’s girl, or captive for a better word, having to hide her pregnancy from the rest of the family. Nancy would be the only exception to this. Her sixth sense is crazy. But I was thinking about the delivery not going so smoothly, especially considering all the stress on the reader. You have to pretty much do it by yourself in a barn on a makeshift bed made of hay and a blanket, with Johnny only taking quick peeks in every now and then. The baby wouldn’t show any vital signs at first, and you’d like to think Johnny looks more concerned than he appears. You’re finally able to call him over, and get his help with things. The baby starts crying, though never having been a mother before, the reader knows the baby needs more right now than her and Johnny could both provide. Someone with more knowledge. You’d have to hand your infant over to Nancy and trust her with it for the first couple of days, not even knowing if it was going to be okay by the time it was returned to you. Johnny looks after you, despite feeling irritated and tied down in a seperate room in the house, arguments sprout over him thinking you’re overreacting, never having a hope in the world of understanding the emotions a new mother goes through.

Johnny Slaughter x reader

Daddy's a Killer

Contains: heavy angst, childbirth, and a mention of breastfeeding

MINORS DNI

Nancy never concealed her displeasure when Johnny decided to house you in the barn. A few months later, when he vented his frustration about you, she felt relief—finally, her son recognized you as the burden she always knew you were. Yet, when she and Johnny went to the barn to bring you back to slaughter, the sight of you stirred an unexpected reaction.

"You foolish boy," she muttered, eyes narrowing and shifting to Johnny. 

"What, ma? I'm gettin' rid of her like you been sayin' to!" he retorted. One of his hands muffled your anguished screams, while the other gripped your wrists, holding you in front of him as you desperately tried to twist away.

"How many times has Drayton told ya not to mess with the meat?" she scolded, her nose crinkling.

"Ma, I—" he began to protest.

"She's pregnant," Nancy stated flatly.

Color drained from Johnny's already pale face. "W-what?"

"Can't kill 'er. She's got your blood." Nancy grimaced. "You think you want rid of her now, just you wait 'till she's hormonal."

In his shock, Johnny's grip slackened, and you managed to wriggle free, falling to your knees in front of Nancy. "Please, let me go," you pleaded. "If you want to be rid of me, I'll never speak a word. I'll disappear, I swear it!"

The stern, dark-haired woman displayed no signs of sympathy as a smile stretched across her face. "Honey, you got my grandbaby in there, and every baby needs a family. You ain't leavin'."

You looked up from her shoes to her cold eyes, tears streaming down your face as Johnny harshly pulled you back up. The realization set in that there was nothing you could do.

–

The subsequent months unfolded in an unusual manner. Nancy, with an insistence to have Johnny treat you better for the sake of the baby, managed to curb his physical abuse. However, his relentless verbal tirades persisted beyond her control.

During those prolonged months, a subtle transformation occurred within Johnny. The sensation of feeling his baby through your stomach seemed to evoke genuine affection in his eyes. Strangely, this newfound tenderness extended to his "relationship" with you. He provided a pillow and blankets for the barn, heated your food, and even allowed you some fresh air daily.

Despite the improved conditions, humane treatment remained a distant concept. His anger flared, and the majority of your days were still spent in the old barn.

The difficulty of your pregnancy grew, confining you to bedrest (as much as hay covered in blankets could be considered a bed) during the final weeks. At this point, Nancy visited more frequently than Johnny, yet her conversations were solely centered around the baby.

"Bet it's a girl," she remarked one day. "You got that girl shine. When I was pregnant with my girls, I looked the same way."

Inquiring about her pregnancies, she revealed none of them came to fruition, hastily correcting herself. "'Cept for my little angel Johnny, of course!"

Suspicion regarding Nancy's authenticity as Johnny's mother lingered, but in the grand scheme, it seemed inconsequential. Revealing your thoughts to Johnny might only worsen the situation.

Then, the day of your contractions arrived. Within hours, the pain became so intense that screams were your only outlet. When Johnny returned home, he came to see you, and instantly regretted it.

"Ma, why is she so pale?" he asked.

"Somethin's wrong," his mother replied, replacing the towel on your forehead. In the throes of labor, you lay on your back, pushing with all your weakened might.

Your strength had dwindled daily, and Johnny, not the most adept caretaker, had left you spending more time with Nancy in the last month of your pregnancy. Despite her care, you knew it was only for her grandchild's sake.

"Push! Come on now, I see their head!" she shouted, urging you on. You screamed, head thrown back into the sweat-drenched pillow. Johnny, stationed outside, smoked like a freight train, only peeking in occasionally. Comfort was beyond his capacity, a fact you came to understand long ago.

"One last push," Nancy urged, and you obeyed, your child slipping into her waiting hands. "It's a girl!" she exclaimed, but then fell silent, her face stricken.

"Is she okay?" you asked wearily, attempting to raise your head higher to see her. The baby had dark brown hair, like her daddy. She was limp.

Nancy flipped her over, holding her head and body, rubbing and slapping her back. 

"What's going on?" Johnny said as he appeared at your side. You'd like to think he sounded worried. Your attention, however, remained fixed on your lifeless baby. Silent screams of anguish echoed as you witnessed Nancy's attempts to revive the child who had been kicking happily in your stomach that very morning.

Then, your daughter coughed, rasping for air. Water bubbled out of her lungs, wetting the barn floor. Nancy cradled her close, attempting to soothe the wailing newborn.

"Is she okay? Can I see her?" you asked, reaching out desperately. Nancy, however, refused to look at you.

"Always knew you was a piece of work, girl. Can't even birth a baby right when it don't die in your womb. She's weak and frail, like you. You don't deserve this girl," she said coldly, bouncing the baby gently as it laid against her shoulder, still crying.

"Please give me my baby," you wailed, stretching your arms out for her desperately.

Surprisingly, it was Johnny who took your little girl from Nancy. His mother glared at him with steely eyes as he placed his daughter in your arms.

"A baby needs their mama," he said, watching your face as it filled with affection for your perfect, tiny baby girl. He turned back to his mom. "She gotta feed her. You can take her back when she's done, but she won't get better without her mama."

"Fine," she spat, sitting up straight, the blood from your baby staining her dress. "But she's mine any time she's not eatin'. I gotta make sure she gets better, and your slut clearly don't know how to take care of a baby."

Johnny agreed, and you knew protesting would only strain your chances of spending time with her at all. It was true; she was your first baby, and you could tell she was sick by the bluish tone to her skin and her struggle to latch onto you. Yet, she was alive, in your arms, and that was all that mattered.

"Bring your girl into the spare bedroom. Better 'n me havin' to go out to the barn just to feed the baby," Nancy said, and Johnny obeyed, picking you up with what you could delude yourself into thinking was genuine care before bringing you inside his mother's house, your baby clutched tightly to your chest all the way.

–

As you recuperated in Johnny's mom's house, Johnny reluctantly assumed the role of caretaker. He assisted with your baths, helped you get dressed, and, surprisingly, inquired about your well-being at least once a day. It felt odd—a begrudging care, tinged with resentment, yet undeniably present. He wasn't accustomed to showing empathy.

During the feeding sessions with your baby, occurring five to eight times a day, Johnny surprisingly chose to be present more often than not, expressing a peculiar tenderness. He'd stroke your hair, murmuring, "She's gettin' stronger every day. She'll be okay in no time." 

Yet, in moments when your baby was not present, Johnny's patience wore thin with your perpetual concerns.

"My ma's got her! You ain't gotta be so whiny!" he complained, rolling his eyes.

"But the last time I saw her, she seemed kind of out of it. Can you at least check on her?" you asked anxiously.

"Ma would tell me if she needed somethin'. You're overreacting like ya always do."

The desire to shout, to hurl the bedside lamp at him, surged within you, but you knew it would be futile. Johnny would never take you seriously.

After all, you were a year past your "expiration date", Johnny liked to "joke". You needed to make yourself useful, to show your thanks for the fact you were still alive. Your daughter needed you for now, but when she got older, Nancy could take over… and she wouldn't even remember you. 

The thought made your stomach tie in knots. And as you looked into the fed-up eyes of your captor, you knew your place in his world would only become more and more tenuous. You had to be perfect for him. For your daughter. 

Forever.

[thestarrynightslover]

It’s Hard Sometimes

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 2,975

Warnings: Yelling, arguing (gets a little physical, really just a little bit!), high risk-pregnancy, slight mentions of fertility issues, mentions of anxiety and overthinking, and a lot of angst.

Summary: Jay and the reader are married, but start having a hard time after they found out that (y/n) is pregnant. 

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: I made this piece of almost pure angst mostly because I feel like Jay is such a well-built character, who gives us a lot of space to talk about mental health and anxiety (even though I don’t think I developed it very well, lol), so I wanted to use this space to try and add to the conversation with him. Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and, please, feel free to give me feedback, cause I’m also here to learn!!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

Your Saturday morning just couldn’t get any worse. 

Or, at least, that’s what you thought after having been mugged at the subway and then asked to go pick up your stuff at the 21st District, where your husband works. You had to go in because they had apprehended your bag as stolen property. But you were hoping that,  maybe, you’d be able to sort it all out without Jay seeing you. 

“(y/n), hi! Here to see Chuckles? Cause they’re all out working on a case now.” Trudy said with a small smile on her lips, while you just prayed she wouldn’t notice how relieved you were to hear that.

“No, uh, I’m actually here because there was an incident at the subway and the responding officers told me I had to come in to get my bag back. Also, sign something, I think…” You answered shrugging your shoulders to make it seem like nothing. But, of course, Trudy knew better, she always does.

“Oh my God! I heard about that, just didn’t know you were one of the victims! Are you okay? García, go get (y/n) a glass of water!!!” She quickly shouted at the young officer, not waiting long to turn back to face you with a concerned glare: “Can I get you anything else?”

“Oh, no, Trudy! You don’t need to worry about me! It wasn’t a big deal!” You said, also noticing that she was already going through some evidence bags, looking for the one that contained your things. “But there is one thing that I’d appreciate from you…” Hearing that, she didn’t even let you finish:

“Yes, of course! Anything, just name it!” At that, you shot her your brightest smile. Maybe Jay was right and the tough Sergeant Trudy Platt did have a soft spot for you. 

“Well, it’s just that… You know how Jay can get, so maybe you could not mention any of this to him? I just don’t want him worrying, the way I know he will, over something like this…” You would’ve continued but Trudy had the weirdest look on her face and, then, you got it. “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” She didn’t bother to answer as your husband turned you to face him and the other members of the Intelligence Unit.

“So, what is it you don’t want me to worry about, huh?” He had a playful smirk on his lips, but his eyes showed you he was already worried. And now you had no other option but to tell him what happened.

“Well, um, there was a little confusion at the subway today and the officers said I had to come in…” You would gladly stop at that, but you knew that Jay wasn’t gonna let it go until you told him everything, so you just went on: “To retrieve what I, um, lost.” God, you couldn’t even look in his eyes right now. 

“What you lost? What kind of confusion are you talking about exactly, babe?” In spite of the pet name, his voice was already showing off a bit of irritation.

“It was a, um, robbery,” at that his eyes almost jumped out of their orbits, so you quickly added, “but it wasn’t a big deal! Nobody got hurt! The officers tackled the guy pretty fast, as soon as he stepped out on the station! And everything is here,” you said raising the bag  Trudy handed you a few minutes earlier, “so, really, there’s nothing to worry about!” You told him, not being able to conceal the exasperation in your voice.

“Nothing to worry about? You just got mugged, (y/n)! We heard a call about that over the radio, it was an armed robbery! Or did you happen to miss the gun on your face when he was getting your bag, huh?” He asked and, even though you knew that the only reason why he was lashing out like that was the concern, the way he said what he said made you feel really small and brought tears to your eyes. “Actually, what I’d like to know, to begin with, is why were you even riding the subway alone, after our talk from the other day, huh?” You could feel the eyes from every person in that District on you and, as much as you knew where Jay was coming from, it was starting to really bother you.

“I was just going to the library. Sorry I didn’t think I needed an escort to do that!” You wish you wouldn’t have said it with those exact words, but you were reaching your limit.

“But we talked about it!” He snapped and you jumped back a little. Then he added, more calmly: “You should have called me.” He was pinching the bridge of his nose, like he always did when he was disappointed and upset about something, and you just felt yourself getting smaller and smaller, as the tears started falling. As if all of it hadn’t been enough, he asked: “Are you okay, though? Because, you know, given our circumstances, you’re to avoid going out on your own to prevent this kinda stress from hitting you, babe.” He explained that to you like he was talking to a child. Like he was the only one who heard what the doctor said. And that was it for you. As much as you loved the man, you just didn't have infinite patience towards his overprotective dad-to-be mode. 

“Oh, really? Why don’t you just go ahead and say ‘I told you so’, huh? Because I can tell you’re dying to do it!” God damn those pregnancy hormones because you were fuming with anger and the tears just kept going down at full force.

“Babe, that’s not what I-”

“The hell it isn’t!” Part of you really wanted to let it all out. All the hurtful words that were just waiting for a go-ahead at the tip of your tongue. But the other part of you, the rational one, knew that wasn’t gonna do any good for you or Jay. Or your baby. So you decided you’d leave instead. “You know what? It’s probably best if I go home now!”

“Okay, then, I’ll drive you.” You heard Jay saying, with a deep sigh, but you couldn’t even begin to think about an entire drive home with him at that moment.

“No way! I can do that by myself! And don’t worry I’ll get a cab this time!” As you headed towards the exit, you felt a strong grip on your wrist. You turned around and it was Jay. He’d never done that before. “Jay, you’re hurting me!” You breathed out, trying not to be too nervous. When your eyes met his, he let your arm go quickly, looking absolutely stunned by his own behavior. 

You knew that the healthiest thing to do right then would be to try and talk to him about it, but you couldn’t. At that point you needed the space more than ever, so you took the opportunity to just leave the District and go home.

After you stormed out crying, every cop in that building laid their eyes on Jay. To say they were completely shocked by the previous scene was an understatement. Almost everyone there knew you and Jay and how you two were great together. But, more importantly, they knew Jay Halstead wasn’t that kinda guy ⎯ or at least they thought so ⎯ and now they were all wondering.

Still, Trudy Platt, who wasn’t about to have any more of that drama at her District, ordered loudly for everyone to get back to their tasks, while shooting Jay a worried look, because, as much as she knew for a fact that he wasn’t that kinda guy, she cared a lot about you and had, obviously, witnessed the whole thing. 

After the little gathering of cops had been dissolved, it was Voight’s turn to speak up: “Alright, Intelligence, let’s get back upstairs, we still have a lot of work to do on this case. And, Jay, you should go home now.” He said with a stern look, despite his concern for the detective.

“But, sarge, I-” Jay started to protest, like Hank knew he would.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Halstead. I know your head is not gonna be on the case until you fix whatever that was, so, now, the best thing you can do is just calm down and go home.” This time Jay knew there was no point in arguing, so he accepted the defeat and went upstairs to get changed in the locker room before leaving. 

As he got there, he saw his reflection in the mirror and that was when it hit him. All of it. From your incident to your tears, to his aggressiveness. He really messed up. He let his fears get the best of him and he hurt you, he made you cry, fear him, even. So he started crying himself, like a little child whose favorite toy had just broken, like there was no tomorrow. By the time Voight went there to check up on Jay, maybe give him some advice, that’s what he saw: a grown man sitting on the floor crying his eyes out. So he did the one thing he could think about doing, to try and make that man he considered like a son feel better: he sat there by Jay’s side and put a hand over the detective’s shoulder until the crying sufficed. 

“So, you and (y/n) been on the odds lately?” Hank asked after a while.

“No, uh, not really.” Jay started whilst sniffling. “It’s just that this week we got some news that messed with our emotions a little, but, Hank, I swear I have no idea why I did that! I would never do anything to hurt her, you gotta believe me! Please?” He pleaded, in desperation, for someone who knew it, who knew him.

“Jay, Jay!” By then the sergeant had to shout to get the frantic young man’s attention back. “Jay, I know you wouldn’t hurt her, you hear me? I know. I know you love her more than you love yourself, hell, everyone here knows it! They were just… A little surprised to see you two arguing, that’s all.” Hank tried to make it sound a lot less bad than it actually was, and Jay appreciated that. “Now, why don’t you tell me what’s really going on between you and (y/n), huh? Maybe I can help you somehow… Or maybe you just need to vent.” Hearing that, Jay decided that he should take Voight’s suggestion and just talk about it already.

“Well, here’s the thing, sarge, (y/n/n) and I, we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now. And, um, we were having a bit of a hard time with it. But then last weekend we found out that it worked, she got pregnant, and we were so happy about it!” He almost smiled at the memory. “But then we went to the doctor to check it and all that, and found out that it’s a high-risk pregnancy, meaning she’s gotta take it real easy from now on, otherwise the baby’s life and her own would be in danger! And I’m terrified ever since we left that hospital! Because the simplest thing could take her away from me! My everything, sarge, she is my entire world and I can’t live without her.” He said shaking his head in a way that made even Hank Voight feel a bit of sadness. “So when she said she’d been robbed at gunpoint… I just lost it, you know? What if I’d lost them?”

“Ah, Jay…” Hank knew exactly what the detective was scared of, after all, he had already lost a wife and a son. “Look, I know this can be hard, trust me. Camille and I had our issues before Justin came, as well… But you said it yourself, you’re both happy, aren’t you?” Jay didn’t even need to think before answering that question.

“Yes, of course, sarge! But-”

“No buts! Look, Jay, I know what a big heart you have and I know how much you care, how- how intensely you care, I know, okay? But sometimes, with things like this, you just gotta keep going and hope- just hope that everything is gonna work out. So here’s what you’re gonna do: go home, make up with your wife and start planning a nursery, or whatever else you, parents-to-be, have on your to-do lists these days.” At that, Jay chuckled a little, feeling grateful to have this second father to set him on straight.

“I know you’re right, and I really appreciate you saying this to me… I’m pretty sure that (y/n/n) said something among those lines after we got back from the doctor’s appointment too. The problem is that sometimes it seems like I can’t control my own thoughts. Then, next thing I know, I’m freaking out…” Hank thought that he sounded so frustrated saying that… He really felt for the kid.

“Listen, Jay, you- you just try, okay? You just try your best. And talk to (y/n/n) about it, just let her know what’s going on in there.” He pointed to Jay’s head, as they had already stood up.

“Alright, I will try. Thank you, sarge. Thank you so much, I really needed this.” They half-hugged and the detective went home to you.

The thing he wasn’t prepared for, at all, was finding you: the woman he loved more than anything and anyone in the entire world, sitting on the floor, leaning your back against the bed in the bedroom you two shared, crying and shaking. You were scared of him. That broke him in a way he never thought possible. He wanted to hurt himself, as punishment for hurting you, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to you. So he gathered some courage to speak through his shame instead. “B- babe?”

You shivered, but you didn’t wanna be afraid of him. That was Jay. Your Jay. The man you loved. The man who loved you. You knew he would never hurt you or your baby. But your body didn’t seem to be listening to your brain. Still, you wanted to say something. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t know what to say, so you just stayed silent, trying to stop the sobs. He decided to make a move: He sat down on the floor like you, but still giving you some space. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, almost whispering, “I’m so, so, so sorry. You don’t need to say anything, or to forgive me, or do anything, really. I came here willing to talk to you. To do anything to get you back. But now I see just how much I hurt you, so I’ll give you all the space and time you want.” You still couldn’t seem to find your words. It was that same man, you knew it. Why couldn’t you just tell him that? “I’ll sleep in the spare bedroom, or even go to Will’s if it makes you more comfortable?” Just by the sound of his voice, you could tell he meant it. And that was your Jay.

“No,” you spoke so lowly, that you weren’t even sure he’d heard it, “I want you to stay.” And you really did. But you needed to understand, in order to be able to forgive him. “Just- just tell me what happened there? Why?” You tried, a little louder this time.

“Long story short? I was scared to death.” He said with a long and heavy sigh, looking so much older than he’d ever done before; at the same time, you could see the bags under his eyes, from all those sleepless nights he’d been having lately.

“Scared? Because of the robbery? Baby, you’re a cop! You’ve heard of that kind of thing a million times before, and you know it’s not that big of a deal!" You tried to reason with him, even though you were afraid too, at the time.

“I know!” He said, in a tone that made you flinch a little and, then, more calmly: “Look, I know. And I know that you’ve been through tougher stuff. And that you can handle yourself. But that whole thing could’ve gone badly for you, for the baby, for us, in a thousand different ways. Besides, it’s not just that. Ever since we left that exam room, on Monday, I’ve been scared, worried. Because, according to the doctor, the tiniest problem could get you on edge. Because of the tiniest problem, I could lose you. I could lose everything, babe!” You could only stare at him in shock, after hearing that. Of course, you understood his concerns, but you had been so absorbed in your own fears, that you never thought about how much the whole situation was affecting him. Your formerly brave soldier, now tough detective, was also a very anxious man ⎯ who always overthought every single detail of everything when it came to you ⎯ and was, now, crying his eyes out, sobbing like a little kid by your side. So you did the one thing you thought could make him feel better: you pulled him closer to you, letting him break, into your chest, as he listened to your soothing heartbeat.

“It’s alright, my love, it’s alright. Shhh, I’m right here and I’m safe. We both are. You don’t need to be afraid, because we’re not going anywhere, baby.” You promised him with tears already pricking through your eyes, as well. 

And, like that, you two stayed, crying in each other’s arms, just holding each other. With a renewed hope that everything was gonna be okay.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

White Lies (Pt. 13 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 2.7 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

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Change Of Heart

“You and Daniel were in a relationship that ended sometime before we met,” Keanu says, gathering his stuff as you do the same, both starting to take the baggage to the living room. “He is Mrs. Davis' son, and I guess she didn't like much when you two broke apart.”

“And where is this Daniel now? I'd like to meet him if he's part of my past.” You stop by the door, as Keanu checks on his phone for the car he just called.

But he puts his phone away, eyes on you. “Daniel passed away a week before your accident.”

“Oh...” You whisper, looking down. “So that's why Lucia got so sad when I said we weren't considering the name.”

“Yeah.”

Furrowing your eyebrows at his weird expression, you step forward and tiptoe, placing a kiss on his lips. “Let's go home, babe.”

•••

Going back home happened without any incidents. But the next days were filled with medical appointments. You assure him you're fine, but Keanu seems to be in an urge to make sure you're completely fine. You try not to complain about it, but things get weird when you notice a strange expression on his face. For too many times to count you caught him looking like he was just about to say something, but for some reason, he gives up. It makes you confront him a couple of times, but he assures you he's just worried as the pregnancy goes on.

Some weeks go by, and you're getting impatient to find out the baby's sex. On your many ultrasounds, they're always on a position that makes it impossible to see it. But you're hopeful for today, and, as you lie on the bed with Keanu, your back against his chest, you take in the soft morning light.

Keanu has an arm around her waist, a hand caressing her belly. Her bare back keeps his body warm, and despite the constant feeling that time is running short, he places kisses on her neck.

He was supposed to tell her the truth weeks ago, the moment they got back from Miami, but he just couldn't. This went too far, he went too far. In every possible aspect. Keanu didn't only fell for her, but he was intimate with (Y/N) too many times to count, and that makes him feel more guilt than anything else.

Her second trimester is just about to end, and now, he's caught in between. Again, for the millionth time, Keanu is caught in between two feelings. His love and his morals.

In his defense, Keanu did try to break the news several times. The words, the destructive, dangerous words were at the tip of his tongue, ready to desolate his life. But they got stuck, and he was too weak at the thought of losing her. Of losing the baby that he loves so much. It doesn't matter how many times he reminds himself the kid isn't his, he's failing to get this fact to grow roots in his heart. Keanu loves the child as if it's his own.

Guilt threatens to devour him entirely sometimes, but right now, in this moment, happiness suppresses everything else. This is his personal paradise, with her, the baby, healthily growing inside her.

Keanu always wanted a family. Settle down, take less and smaller roles. But nobody ever made him feel like he could. Of all the women he dated, nobody ever made him feel like he would give up everything. He thought he knew what love was, and he thought it wasn't as strong as people say... But now, life proved him wrong. This is love, a wrecking ball that came and destroyed his walls, his heart, his wrong perceptions. If only it happened some other way. If he wasn't caught up in this web of lies.

Dr. Harris wasn't happy to know he was sleeping with her. (Y/N) told her, of course, and even though it was in her usual shy and reserved way, the psychologist got the meaning behind the words. And she confronted him, very harshly, and Keanu could do nothing but listen and agree. Because this is wrong. This is the worst kind of betrayal.

(Y/N) moves a little, breathing deeply as she wakes up. A hand finds his, pulling it to her chest, placing a soft kiss on his fingers. “Morning.” She whispers, voice still clouded by sleep. She's used to it now, Keanu is always awake first.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He replies, fingers caressing her chin. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, but I miss lying on my stomach.” She complains, turning around and snuggling into his chest. “What time is it? We have an ultrasound.”

“I know. And we should probably start getting ready.”

“Alright.” (Y/N) mutters, but doesn't give any signs she'll move anytime soon.

But he knows what today is all about, and it will certainly make her excited. “Hopefully we'll finally find out if this little one is Sophie or Liam.”

“Yes!” Immediately, she pushes herself up, an arm sustaining her weight as she looks down at Keanu. And he tries not to stare at her nude figure, even though this is silly compared to everything they're done. Still, he thinks he should at least try. “The baby must be in a good position today. I can't wait anymore.” With that, she's up, smiling as she makes her way to the bathroom.

And Keanu is left behind on the bed, surrounded by his bad decisions. Maybe this is the right time. Maybe, being this happy, she won't hate him so much.

With a lump in his throat, he goes on with his routine, until they're almost ready to go. Keanu waits by the bedroom door frame as she fixes her hair, the bathroom door half open. This is way too sudden, but if he doesn't do that now, if he waits any longer, he'll never be ready. He'll never be brave or strong enough to do this. He took too long already. Now, he can only hope, pray, that this will somehow end up the way he wants.

That he won't lose her.

The moment he sees (Y/N) walking out of the bathroom, Keanu gives a step forward, arms crossed, heart beating so fast it threatens to jump off his chest. The words are at the top of his tongue when his eyes take in her posture. (Y/N) holds the skirt of her blue dress up, all the way to the top of her thigh with one hand, and on the other, there's blood. Bright and red, staining her fingers and the palm of her hand. His eyes turn to her face, blank, scared as she looks at him.

Without thinking too much, his mind on the verge of collapsing, he forces himself to move, quickly making his way over her.

You hate the smell of the soap they have here. You hate this hospital and what it means when you're brought here. It's only far worse now. You're still trying not to burst into tears, trying not to break down again. There's no pain, so that's good. And no more bleeding, which is even better. The feeling you got when you found blood on your underwear was the worst thing in the world. For a moment, a desperate moment, you thought you were going to lose the baby. You wanted to yell, but you didn't have it in you.

If it wasn't for Keanu, you don't know what you'd do.

Now, still walking terribly slow out of nervousness, you leave the hospital bathroom, finding Keanu seated on the edge of your bed, already looking at you.

“Hi, beautiful.” He says, and you remember this was one of the first things he said to you. “Come and lie down. Why did you put the dress on again?”

“Because it's clean and I don't want to stay here.” Instead of doing as he said, you stand before him, your forehead on his chest. “I thought I was going to lose our baby.” Your voice cracks as some tears roll down, arms around his midsection.

“I already spoke to the doctor.” Immediately, you pull away, just enough to look into his eyes. “He assured me you're both alright.”

“Are you sure, Ke?” You plead, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I almost lost my mind.”

“He wants you to rest and that's all. He–” He's cut short by the door being open, and you see Dr. Wright and your obstetrician.

“First of all, you must know the baby is alright.” Dr. Williams says as she comes closer, a tablet on her hands. “Sometimes, such discharges happen, mostly as you progress from the second to the third trimester.” She kindly smiles. “Everything you two need to do is keep up the good job. Make sure to rest, eat healthily, and exercise. But I'll recommend you to lie down for the rest of the day, ok?”

“Ok.” You quickly agree.

“It would be good to avoid surprises. The bad ones at least.” Dr. Wright adds, oddly staring at Keanu. But that's normal, he still needs to look after you, so some things are directed to him. “But we have good news today, right, Dr. Williams?”

“Yes.” From under the tablet, she takes a picture from the ultrasound and hands over to you. “The baby was in a good position and we already know the sex.”

“Oh my God.” You exclaim, smiling for the first time since the incident. “What is it?”

Dr. Williams smiles, exchanging a glance with Dr. Wright. “Mr. and Mrs. Reeves, you'll be having a baby boy.”

“It's Liam!” You yell, throwing your arms around Keanu again. “I was right!”

“You were right.” He agrees, a second before you kiss him, not minding the audience.

“Well, you're free to go home. And call me if you need anything.” Dr. Wright says and the obstetrician agrees before they both leave.

At least something good happened today. You'll finally be able to paint the blank white walls of the baby's bedroom, and buy what you still need.

“I was right.” You repeat, smirking at Keanu. “But we can try again and maybe it'll be a girl. I mean, if we ever spoke about having more than one kid.” Blushing a little, you bite your lip. There are still a lot of things you need to be updated on, and you still get a little sad when it happens.

“I'd love to have more kids if that's what you want, sweetheart,” Keanu says and you smile, kissing him again. “But now let's go home. You need to lie down for the day.”

“Can we stop and buy the paint for Liam's room? We already know the color so it'll only take a minute.” You know you have to rest, but you can't help but feel excited for finally being able to finish off the baby's bedroom. “Please? I'll stay in the car.”

Keanu gives you a look because sometimes you don't always do as you said you would. “Fine, but you won't be painting anything. I can do it myself.”

Nodding, you watch as he takes your bag and guides you out of the hospital room you hate so much. Hopefully, there will be a day you won't have to keep coming here, not because of some incident and not for any appointments.

You did wait in the car this time, and as much as you wanted to hit the mall and buy everything blue and green, Keanu forces you to give up the idea and head straight home. And when you get there, you have his undivided attention. He doesn't only make an incredible lunch, and an incredible dinner, he gives your legs a massage, and it takes a lot of effort to just lie down instead of jumping on him. But this is peaceful, slow, and sweet.

In the weeks that follow, nothing bad happens. You feel great, but you also heavier. Liam is growing fast, and you can't wait any longer to meet him. And neither can Keanu. He gets even more protective with time if that's even possible. And after you almost slipped in the shower, you're not even allowed to shower by yourself. Of course you pretend you're annoyed, but the truth is that you love it.

Despite feeling uncomfortable during this period, Keanu makes everything perfect. There are still no signs you'll get the memories back, and that's a fact now, but you'll follow your psychologist's advice. And Laura's advice, since they're pretty much the same. Living in the past will only get in the way of what's happening now. You have an amazing husband, who loves you deeply, and a child on the way. The present is wonderful, and you won't let anything ruin it.

You're around week 37 now, marking it on the calendar on the fridge door, a hand on your back as you make your way to the kitchen table. Keanu is still upstairs, and you take this chance to pour some honey on your plate. You're still eating the awkward combination when he comes to the kitchen, and you try not to let him see. But Keanu sees everything, and when he takes his place across from you, you feel his eyes burning.

“What?” You innocently ask, shrugging your shoulders.

“Are you eating bacon with honey?”

Biting your lip, you raise an eyebrow at him. “I happen to love honey. And bacon. So it makes sense.” He giggles and you kick his leg under the table. “Don't mess with the pregnant lady.” Warning him, you push the plate away. “I'm done anyway. I'll move to the couch if you don't mind, my back really hurts.”

“Sure. I'll join you in a bit.”

“Ok.” Dragging yourself to the living room, you lie down, hands on your swollen belly. You're almost drifting off to sleep when you feel Keanu sitting down, lifting your legs so he can move closer, caressing your thighs. “Ke, I'm huge.” You complain, eyes on the bump.

“You're beautiful.” Bending down, he places a kiss on your exposed belly, since you have the shirt pulled up. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

“Yeah, I doubt that.” Pouting a little, you try to hold back the giggle when you see his eyebrow raised.

“I would love to show how beautiful I think you are, but Dr. Williams told us to give it a little break.”

“Don't even remind me.” You never complained about anything with your obstetrician, but when she told you and Keanu should probably avoid sleeping together, you had to speak up. Even though your cheeks were burning. But in the end, you did comply. And you wouldn't have much of a choice anyway, since Keanu does everything the doctors say. “I heard your phone beeping. Everything alright in Arch?”

“Yes. That was just Lucia.” He says, obviously a little annoyed. “She just moved here. She's renting an apartment not so far away.”

“What the hell.” Sighing, you roll your eyes. This woman won't leave you alone, it doesn't matter what you say. “Why is she doing that? Isn't it obvious we don't want her around?” A couple of weeks ago she showed up again, and another argument happened. Keanu had to kick her out because the recommendations were that you shouldn't be put under any kind of stress.

“She loves you and the baby. That's why she wants to be around.” You don't get it. Keanu doesn't like her either, so why does he still speak like this?

“I know you can't stand her, you don't have to fake it with me.”

“But this isn't about me, sweetheart, it's about you and the people who were in your life before.”

The kindness in his voice makes you sit up, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You're amazing, did you know that?” Placing kisses on his face, you smile. “I love you. I'm worried to death and I'm trying not to get anxious with the labor, but you're making everything perfect. You're the best husband I could ever have.”

“I'm just trying to be the husband you deserve.” With a hand caressing your cheek, Keanu kisses you full on the lips, and you take no time before kissing him back. You don't know what you'd do without him, but luckily, you won't ever have to find out.

×

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

[fairlyspnfanfic]

The Ties That Bind Us - Part 8

Summary: When your past comes back to haunt you, who will prevail?  Hunting had been your life since your were 4 years old.  The monsters that started you on that path were resurfacing, and you knew what you had to do.  But nothing is ever truly secret, and nothing is ever that cut and dry with the Winchester’s in tow.

A/N: This is a new one that is coming from a few requests.  I’m not going to post the actual requests because…well because it would spoil the story line and I’m pretty into this one.

Words: 2438

Warnings: Trauma, medical terminology, stress, hospital waiting room, all the angst

PART ONE  PART TWO  PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE  PART SIX   PART SEVEN

I hesitated to open my eyes, for fear that I’d wake up and it would all have been a dream. My lips felt warm and pleasantly swollen as I reached my hand up slowly to touch them, keeping my eyes shut.  I took a deep breath and lifted my eyelids, coming eye to eye with Dean as he lay next to me staring.  

Sheepishly, I smiled and released a small chuckle with my fingertips still glazing over my bottom lip.  “Well,” I said meekly.  “Not a dream.”  His eyebrows were still knitted together as if he was unsure as to what my reaction would be.  But the corner of his mouth twitched upward as the hint of a smirk began to spread.  

“Kinda was for me,” he said through an exhale of breath as he ran the back of his fingers along my cheek.  I leaned into his touch, relishing in the delightful feel of his skin on mine.  

“How long,” I asked him.  

“How long what?  How long have I wanted to do that?”  He paused, leaving the silence pregnant with anticipation.  He let out a quick breath, looking to the ceiling as he thought. “Six years ago, St. Patrick’s Day. I told you to kiss me cause I’m Irish. You called me an idiot and threw a pillow at my face.” I laughed at his response. “Been hooked ever since.”  

I could feel heat rushing to my cheeks as they blushed and a coy smile wound itself across my face.  

“Or did you mean how long have I known you wanted me to? Cause that’s a very different answer.”  

I ducked my head down, attempting to hide from his view, and buried my nose into the crook of his neck.  “I mean, I’d be happy to answer that one for you, too, sweetheart but I wouldn’t want to embarrass you.”  His words dripped with sarcasm as he pursed his lips and left a trail of kisses from the crown of my head and down the side of my face, slowly pulling my head back up to face him.  

“See, when things weren’t looking all that great for you?  I wasn’t doing so well.  I wasn’t the pillar of strength you’re used to on the day to day.”  His face returned to seriousness now, and my eyes fixated on him.  “I kind of fell apart.  No, that’s not true.  I completely fell apart.  A world without you in it?  That’s not a world I want to be in.”  

I felt tears pooling in my eyes, but I held them at bay.  

“So, my baby brother, he decides he needs to cheer me up.  See, he yanks me up to my feet, slams me up against a wall and tells me to stop being a selfish prick.  Tells me I can help you by just keeping it together, by staying with you.”  Dean’s hand lifted as he pushed my hair gently behind my ear.  “Now I’m lost at this point.  He’s talking crazy and all I want to do is hide from the world.  But the big oaf that Sam is, he wouldn’t allow that.”  He leaned in towards me again, pressing a short, chaste kiss to my lips before tucking his chin over the crown of my head.  

“Instead, he looks me in the eye, tells me I’m a moron, and lets me go.  But not before just blurting out ‘She loves you, you jackass,’ and proceeding to lecture me about how dumb I am.”  The smile on his face is beyond genuine and my entire body feels as though it’s turned to gelatin.  “That true,” he asks me, his eyes back on mine.  The confident smirk on his face is betrayed only by the pleading desperation in his green orbs that are so focused on mine that I dare not even blink.  

Slowly, I nod my head, feeling that same blush rise in my cheeks again.  “Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking as I did so.  

“Thank god,” he breathed out as his lips once again plastered themselves against mine, knocking the air out of me as he slowly wound his arm around my waist.  He leaned into me, rolling me over onto my back as he rested his body on top of mine, his hips jutting against my own.  I could feel his calloused hands wandering; one tangled in my hair as his fingers deftly caressed my ear lobe as his other held our bodies closer together.  

I had wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him with desperation.  Dean pushed against me harder as I felt his excitement growing against my groin.  I broke our lips apart, breathing deeply as I lifted my hand to the back of his head, entwining my fingers in his hair.  He began grinding his hips against me; an act I longed for but subsequently found intolerable.  Shocks of pain tore through my abdomen in waves and I cried out, gasping for air as I ground my teeth together.  

“Fuck,” I grimaced, wincing.  Dean instantly backed away, holding himself almost as if he were doing a pushup.  

“What’s wrong?”  His panicked voice rang out as his eyes examined me.  

I removed one hand from his firm waist and grabbed for my side, desperate to alleviate some of the pain.  

“Son of a bitch,” Dean muttered under his breath, looking down towards my waist.  It seemed instantaneous that I sprang off the bed and frantically searched for the remote control with the nurse call button.  A few seconds passed and the pain had ebbed.  

“Dean, I’m fine, really.”  My attempt to settle him did nothing as I spoke to his back.  He was running towards the doorway now, yelling for help.  

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was surely overreacting.  Pulling my hand away, I glanced down and took in the sight of dark red blood pooling slowly on the sheet beneath me.  “Well, crap.”  

Dean walked back into the room, a female nurse clad in dark purple scrubs in tow.  He raised his hand and pointed towards my wound, and she immediately got to work.  My gown was quickly pushed to the side as she took a look at the damage that had been done.  

“You’ve popped a staple out.  Haven’t seen that too often!”  Her voice was cheery and calming as she smiled sweetly at me.  

“I’ll get the doctor and we’ll get you patched up again in no time.  Good as new, huh?  How are you feeling in the meantime?  What’s your pain level?”  

“I’m good,” I answered simply.  

“Are you sure, darlin’?  You look a little flushed.”  Her eyes were intent now, taking in every physical cue that she could.  

“That, uh,” Dean began with that devilish half smile of his. “That could be my fault.”  He held up a finger as if claiming victory.  I rolled my eyes in response and watched as the nurse did the same.  

She turned her head to face him and took up the absolutely accurate stance of an angry mother about to berate their petulant child.  “You do know that she’s recently had invasive surgery, yes?”  

I watched as Dean shrank under the nurse’s stare.  He nodded solemnly.  

“And that a team of highly trained surgeons spent several hours fixing her up and putting her back together again with slim odds that she’d even wake up, let alone thrive and begin healing?”  Her question was obviously rhetorical.  Dean held eye contact with her and nodded.

“Yes, ma’am.”  He’d never sounded so young and childlike.  

“So maybe, just maybe, we can pause on the hanky panky funny stuff until after she’s discharged, yeah?”  

I stifled my laughter as Dean nodded again, and the nurse exited the room, patting his shoulder as she walked by; the smile on her face betrayed the entertainment she had felt at Dean’s expense.  

Dean skulked back towards me, lowering himself into the chair beside my bed.  The laughter that I had been withholding came pouring out of me, eliciting more pain as I again held my side.  

“Geez, Y/N, you’re going to open yourself up more.”  Dean placed his hands on my arms, attempting to hold me still.  

“Yeah, well. You started it.”

His eyes went wide with incredulity.  “How do you figure?”  

“You were the one who opened up first!”  My cheesy joke landed flat.  

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning backwards in his chair as he sighed dramatically.  “Good to see you didn’t lose your awful sense of humor.”  

I smiled at him exaggeratedly.  “I’m delightful.”  

He smiled at me again, reaching over and raking his fingertips down my cheek. “Yeah,” he paused. “You are.”  

The doctors had swooped into the room, getting me all stitched back together in a blur of lights, antiseptic, and latex gloves.  The same nurse had accompanied them, insisting on administering more morphine when she did so.  

They moved me into a wheelchair as they waited for my bedsheets to be taken out and laundered.  I was struggling to keep my head up as I leaned my temple against my palm, fighting to hold my eyelids open.  I could feel Dean’s warm hand drawing comforting circles on my back, but my head was swimming.  His soothing voice rang out every few minutes, letting me know that it was okay if I wanted to fall asleep.  Encouraged even. But stubbornly, I refused, shaking my head and insisting on waiting until Sam came back.

It wasn’t too long until Sam peaked his head into my room; his long hair unkept and falling in his face.  

“Hey, Tarzan,” I mumbled, giggling at my own joke.  Both the boys stared at me quizzically as my eyes closed and I leaned further over onto the side, my chuckles growing quieter.  

“Tarzan? I thought it was Thor.”  Sam’s voice drifted in as if he were speaking through static.  

“She’s out of her mind on morphine, Sammy.  Don’t worry.”  I could hear the jest in Dean’s voice as he spoke from just behind me.  

There was a small hint of commotion as an orderly came in with a rolling tray full of food for me.  With my eyes still closed, I took a deep breath, attempting to smell my meal.  But my sense of smell reacted negatively as I breathed in the scent of hard-boiled eggs, squash and fish.  

“Gross,” I protested, grabbing at the wheels of the wheelchair I sat in and attempting to push myself away.  

“No. Don’t want that,” I murmured as I shook my head.  There was a strong hand grasping my shoulders as someone gently whispered in my ear to relax.  “Mom made me lasagna,” I groaned, as large tears overwhelmed my lids and began cascading down my cheeks.  

I felt warm fingers press against my cheeks as Dean’s familiar voice repeated my name softly.  

“Hey, Y/N.  Can you open your eyes for me?”  

I stubbornly shook my head, opting for the darkness my closed eyelids afforded me.  I could feel panic rising in my chest, and my breaths began coming in stuttered waves.  Sam’s voice was screaming into the hallway, demanding a nurse or any sort of help.  But my head was swimming.  I could still smell the garlic and tomatoes as the cheese bubbled on the top of my favorite dish.  I could hear my mother’s voice as she spoke with me. My father’s warm, teddy-bear embrace still ghosted over my arms.  But all I could see was black.  I longed for the comfort their memories had afforded me.  

“Daddy,” I mumbled out as I felt the familiar push of medication run up my arm as forced, restless sleep overtook me.  

I woke hours later.  Days possibly.  The sky outside my window was still dark and the light in the room too dim.  Running my dry hands down my face, I pulled myself slowly to sit up in the bed.  The ache in my side not entirely unnoticed.  Every muscle in my body was sore and resisted moving.  I kicked my legs out gently over the bed, glaring at my thighs as I balanced myself on them with the palms of my hands.  

“Don’t even think about it,” Dean’s voice was stern as he spoke from the chair in the corner of the room.  I watched his arms flex as he walked towards me, squatting effortlessly in front of me as his eyes locked onto mine.  

“Back in bed.”  His words were stern, but his eyes betrayed some sadness that lingered on his face.  

“Dean?”  My voice was groggy and sounded foreign to me.  

“Y/N get your ass back in bed, now.”  He sounded almost defeated; an unfamiliar tone for him.  

I acquiesced and pulled my legs back onto the uncomfortable air mattress, keeping my eyes set on his face.  “What’s wrong,” I asked him. “You seem grumpy.”  He took his seat again in the lounge chair next to me, leaning on his knees with his elbows.

A forced, quick breath leaked through his nostrils, full of incredulity.  “Grumpy, huh?”  He paused.  “Can’t imagine why.”  His eyes fell to his hands, focusing on the thin piece of fabric that he was fiddling with.  He flicked his gaze up to me, following my gaze back down to his hands.  

“It’s part of your shirt,” he explained.  “Or, well, was.”  He paused again. “It tore off in your back there,” he gestured towards my side.  “Had to dig it out on the way here.”  

I took a deep breath, attempting to steady my surprise.  “I’m sorry, Dean.”  

He pursed his eyebrows and looked up towards me slowly.  “For what?  Getting stabbed?  Not your fault.”  

I reached towards him, surprised when I watched him pull away and lean back into his seat.  “See, getting stabbed? Hurt?  Happens to all of us.  But you,” he said, holding the fabric up towards me. “You were reckless.  You ditched me and Sam and did your damnedest to be in more danger than you needed to be.”  His eyes shot up towards mine again, that same pained sadness shooting out of his eyes as he let silence stretch between us.  

“And here, in this hospital.  Some of the things you’re saying, been saying.  They’ve got me wondering.”  

I let his statement stand, wanting desperately to not discuss the topic at hand. “See, I’m wondering if there’s not something you’re hiding.  Something you didn’t or aren’t telling me. And that?  That won’t work.  That’s something else.”  He dropped his head, clenching his hand into a fist as he held onto the scrap of clothing.  “So, talk.”  

To be continued….

Part Nine

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[shelby-love]

JAY HALSTEAD

Parenting Struggles

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: mentions of underage drinking

Authors note: I don't know if marihuana is legal or illegal in Illinois. If it isn't illegal then for the stake of this imagine it is. 💕

~

"I swear to god Trudy if you don't let me upstairs to see my son I will hunt y-" Your raging voice dripped in motherly venom was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming from the place you so eagerly want to visit.

Jay Halstead - your high school sweetheart and now husband joins you by the front desk. His eyebrows are furrowed in worry and you doubt your eyes when you spot a few grey strands of hair in his soft and dark hair.

And then you remember the reason as to why your husband is like that.

"Where. Is. He." You ask him through gritted teeth.

When he called you half an hour ago you did not expect to hear him say what he did. His news made you bolt out of your office and straight to your car. Then you arrived at the District in lightning speed, low bun out of place for the first time and eyes like the deepest parts of hell. Completely on fire.

"Before I leave you in a room with our son I need you to know that Y/S/N won't do it again." He rambled quickly and when the fire in your eyes didn't leave he let out a sigh in pure desperation. "Jesus Y/N... Calm down."

You narrow your eyes at him and lower your voice enough for others not to hear you but just enough to show Jay just how angry you are.

"I won't calm down Jay! You called me half an hour ago to tell me that you arrested our 16 year old son for underage drinking...and marihuana possession?!"

The moment that sinful word leaves your mouth your husband clamps his hand over your mouth. He makes a bludge with his hand just enough so you can't bite his fingers in attempt to get his hand off.

"Ss it ss seris!!" Your voice comes out muffled but your eyes still scream fire.

"Yes it's serious Y/N. Of course it is!" He urgently tells you and removes his hand. "Thanks Sargent Platt for letting me know my wife is here."

"Yeah Trudy... Thanks a lot!" You grab your husband's hand and he leads you upstairs.

"I feel like I've birthed a serial killer. Why is he in the interrogation room?" You ask Jay. You expected your son to sit at his dad's desk with a chocolate bar to eat. You were very wrong about that.

"I figured we need privacy." He replies simply.

Your surge of protectivness and anger slips through and you nod. "Good thinking honey."

***

"Are you insane??" You barge in the small plain room. "What were you thinking?!"

Your teen son stares at his father with pleading eyes. He adopted the puppy dog eyes from you. It used to be very cute and amusing when he was a toddler. Now you curse at the fact he inherited them from you.

"Dad..."

"No Y/S/N. Don't you dare look at your father right now. I'm talking to you!"

"Why is that such a big deal mom? I didn't even try it. I told Rick-"

"Y/S/N do you even have the slightest idea of what could've happened to you?" You shudder at the thought of something bad happening to him.

You and Jay did everything in your power to give him a good life. You gave up so much to raise him in a good neighbourhood, to send him to a good school. To give him a life in which he wouldn't even be thinking about these things.

You had him a month after you turned 18. You gave up everything to give him a good life. Your love for him was bigger than your love for yourself.

And so to be here after he did the things you desperately tried to shield him from - it broke you and made you think you failed as a parent.

Jay noticed your sudden change and placed his hand on your shoulder in a matter that looked simple to other but was so deep for you. Your husband knew your every thought.

"Mom I'm sorry..." Your son broke the long silence. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"No I'm sorry." You say and wipe a few fallen tears away. You haven't cried in a long while. "I'm sorry you have to chase after your delinquent friends in order to have fun. But Y/S/N this is serious. You saw what your dad goes through at work. These things are dangerous."

"Your mom and I work to give you the best life possible Y/S/N. It's what we vowed to do the moment your mom found out she was pregnant." Jay says. There isn't an ounce of anger in his eyes. Disappointment. Yes. "We were teenagers forced to grow up and we wouldn't change it for the world because we got you in return.

We want you to have fun and live your life like a kid your age does. But this isn't it. You're 16! We don't want you to forcefully grow up like we had to no matter the consequences. These things will end you before you even get to blink son."

You reach for your sons hands across the table. "Is the school bad? Do they make you do things you don't want to do? Y/S/N talk to us."

You feel him squeeze your hands as he lowers his eyes to his lap. He's embarrassed. You know he feels bad about what he did. You know that because your son is a good kid.

"It won't happen again. It's just... School ended early today and you two weren't home so Rick asked me to hang out with them for a while." He starts to explain and you almost hear his voice break at the end of each sentence. "I didn't want to do it but I guess I just wanted to fit in."

That's what you were afraid of.

"D-dad I'm sorry if I embarrassed you today..."

Jay's hand immediately left your shoulder as he went to his son. You shakily released his hands and let him embrace his father. Once the two of them let go of each other you allowed yourself to dip inbetween and shower your son with hugs and kisses.

"Mom... Stop."

You cupped his jaw in your hands and shoot him a stern look, ignoring your motherly effusion of love that happened 10 seconds ago. "I'm still very angry at you mister and don't think that your dad and I will let this go without consequences. You. Are. Grounded."

For the first time your son experienced genuine fear. "But dad said I won't be grounded."

When your eyes met Jay's you gave him your coldest look. Unlike Jay, whose cold look could freeze the Pacific ocean you found yours to be good enough to freeze a small pond.

"Your dad just wanted to tell you that he won't arrest you..." You turned back to look at your son and looped your arm over your sons shoulder. "You're lucky your dad's in Intelligence. Let's go boys."

Jay followed behind you two as you walked out of the room and into the comfort of the units office. Adam Ruzek put his hand on his heart dramatically once his eyes landed on the three of you. "Thank Jesus the kid is alive."

"But I'm grounded." Your son told him.

"Trust me Y/S/N. When I saw your mom walk through those doors I prayed to god that you come out of there grounded." Adam told him and it surprised you to see how serious he is.

At that moment Kevin chose to pipe into the conversation. "Y/S/N if you ever need a quick save just call me. You don't need to call your da-"

"O-kay. We better get going. You," Jay shared glances at Kevin. "Are dead when I come back."

Your eyes started to see red again, "Yeah honey. You handle him so I don't have to come back with your baseball bat."

MASTERLIST

[amyscascadingtabs]

rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky

It’s the perfect little getaway, exactly what they needed. It would be even better if she could only stop thinking.

“So, tell me.” Jake holds her hand over the table, forcing her back to reality. “Five top moments for us 2019, go. Countdown-stylez.”

Three different New Year's Eves, as celebrated by Jake and Amy (and Mac).

read on ao3 💕

december 31st, 2019.

The hotel guests checking in before Jake and Amy are a family. A little girl with blonde hair, maybe four or five years old, is carrying her own pink backpack and making up dance steps around her father’s feet as he goes through the information with the receptionist, and an even younger boy is hiding behind his mother’s legs as he watches the people in the lobby with wide eyes. Looking up, Amy realizes that the mother’s open coat is revealing a baby bump, too. She’d put her at six, maybe seven months pregnant. Three kids. Amy feels a pang of jealousy.

Even with the observation skills of an experienced detective, it shocks her how good she’s become at picking out families and pregnant women in any crowd. It’s an interesting talent, but measured against the pain it causes her, Amy wouldn’t call it a very useful one. She notices Jake looking at the kids as well, a daydreaming look on his face, and somehow, that makes her pain worse.

The idea behind going away to a hotel upstate for New Year’s was so they could get away from the stress for a moment; go somewhere else, rest and relax, forget about the pregnancy master calendar they’ve stared themselves blind at for a few days. Amy didn’t realize how impossible it would be to get away from all the other reminders.

She draws a breath of relief when the family in front of them gets the keys to their room, the little girl running first towards the elevator and her brother laughing as he chases after.

“Cute kids,” Jake whispers, watching them longingly.

“Yeah.” Amy tries not to think about the negative pregnancy test she threw away in the bathroom trashcan before they left. “Really cute.”

//

“I’m excited you said we could drink tonight.” Jake toasts his White Russian with her glass of Sauvignon. “It’s been a while.”

“I know, “ Amy feels the guilt wash over her. “Well, it’s not New Year’s Eve every day. I think we’ve earned it.” And I already took a negative test, she thinks.

“We sure have.” He gives her a closer look, pressing his lips together like he always does when he’s worried about her. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Just tired,” she says. It’s not technically a lie. “I didn’t sleep that well last night.”

“Lucky we have a huge hotel bed to help with that tonight, then. Seriously, this place rocks.”

Amy’s prepared to agree on that part – she did her research the moment it stood clear they would both get New Year’s Eve off. After getting their room, they’ve spent the evening getting massages in the hotel spa, dining at the surprisingly nice restaurant, and now they’re admiring the view from the bar on the top floor, waiting for the fireworks. It’s the perfect little getaway, exactly what they needed. It would be even better if she could only stop thinking.

“So, tell me.” Jake holds her hand over the table, forcing her back to reality. “Five top moments for us 2019, go. Countdown-stylez.”

“Number five!” She rolls the r and holds on the i, earning herself an amused look from the older couple next to them. “Okay, I’m going to go with… that date you took me on for my birthday. I can’t believe you got into the puzzle bar this time!”

“I might have convinced the guard to let me in because it was your birthday, but still a good one. Number fooo-uur… the Cinco de Mayo-heist. God, that was fun, even if the tasing hurt like a bitch.”

“Agreed. Number three – when Holt finally invited us to that dinner party and I almost didn’t lose my cool once.”

“You keep telling yourself that, babe. Number two… the Jake way. Seriously, I still think we should try that again. It was awesome.”

“It was, but also way inappropriate,” she reminds him, but he just shrugs. “Number one, then.”

“I know which one is mine, but you go first.”

Amy swallows, then sighs. “Mine is after the manhunt. When we decided to start trying. That’s still my favorite moment.”

���Mine, too.” Jake looks her in the eyes, and she knows the bittersweet feeling is shared. “It’s going to happen, Ames. I know it. Maybe this month’s the one.”

Amy doesn’t have the strength to correct him, tell him she’s already taken an early test and that she’s lacking any confidence there’s going to be a second line when she tests again in a couple of days. Luckily, she doesn’t have to, because right then, the fireworks that have been going off a few at a time in the distance begin to multiply as the countdown starts.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…

Amy leans forward so she can be kissing him already when the new year begins.

Three, two, one… happy new year!

The crowd around them erupts into cheers as the sky glows with colorful explosions when burning bits of metal lighting up the darkness outside. Jake kisses her deeper, seeming to forget that there are people around with a bit of alcohol in his system and his hands cupping her face. For a moment, Amy lets herself just be happy.

~

december 31st, 2020.

The instant Amy closes her eyes for the more-than-well-deserved nap Jake told her to take while he made dinner, Mac begins to cry from his crib again.

“McClane, please,” Amy pleads, as if reasoning with her two-month-old would solve his discontent. “You can't seriously be hungry again, that’s insane.”

She tries with the pacifier first, checking his diaper, even standing up and walking around with him for a bit to eliminate anything else, but Mac is still clenching his fists and only looking even more furious with her, so Amy gives in. She sits down with him again, unhooks one side of the bra and lets him find his grip, exhaling when the peaceful suckles begin and the desperate crying finally ceases. She swears it looks like her son is side-eyeing her for taking too long, but to her defense, she fed him for a good forty-five minutes only a little over an hour ago and it's exhausting being used like a human pacifier. Growth spurt, Camila Santiago said when Amy called her in tears yesterday, and the problem-shooting section in the 0-3 months baby-binder had agreed. Amy would argue that sounds way too innocent for something which is turning her otherwise happy and smiley baby into a constantly hungry and crying mini-monster who won't close his eyes for more than twenty minutes at a time.

There's a soft knock on the door after a few minutes, and Jake peeks in. He’s wearing his fancy kitchen apron, which Charles gave him for Christmas with the comment that there’s nothing sexier than a dad who can cook. It hasn’t magically improved his cooking skills, but Amy’s willing to admit that it does look good on him.

“You guys doing okay?”

“He is, for now. I’m going crazy. How’s our dinner going?”

“Well, I haven’t burnt it yet, but there’s still time,” he grimaces, sitting down at the foot of the bed. “Do you need anything, babe?”

“Sleep, but that’s not going to happen.” Amy rubs her eyes. “It’s fine. He’s got to fall asleep at some point, though, this is nuts.”

“Don’t challenge him, he’s breaking records,” Jake says, leaning forward to tickle Mac’s feet. Mac reacts by kicking at the boob he’s not currently feeding from, making Amy curse. “Oops, sorry. Anyway, I’m sure he will fall asleep at some point, and we can have a nice, calm New Year’s dinner. I mean, he has to be exhausted, right?”

“God, I hope so. I’m starving.” She can see Mac’s eyelids getting heavy, but every time she thinks they’re about to fall closed, it’s like he twitches and stares at her, wide awake. “He’s lucky he’s cute.”

Jake grins. “Lucky indeed.”

Mac starts pulling away at that moment, a little bit of milk still dribbling from his cheeks. Amy reaches for one of the muslin blankets that’s never more than a few feet away in their home nowadays, lifting him so he’s upright against her shoulder and patting him on the back. She expects a burp, but instead, she gets an unpleasant surprise when he spits up, managing to get sour baby puke down her back and in her already greasy hair. She groans, giving Jake an exhausted look when she sees him stifling a chuckle.

“Hey, I’ll take him. You go take a shower and I’ll put him in the BabyBjörn. Maybe that will do it.”

“That’s the hottest thing you’ve ever said,” Amy mumbles, and she’s not entirely kidding.

She makes the shower as long as she possibly can. Most days, she has to shower with Mac in the baby bouncer on the bathroom floor, so even the chance to be alone in the bathroom for more than five minutes feels like a luxury. She lets the shampoo really lather and the conditioner take its time to sink in, trying to massage the knots in her neck and shoulders under the hot water. She can hear Mac still fussing from the kitchen, and it makes her feel guilty even though he’s barely left her arms today.

“He’s fine,” she whispers to herself like a mantra. “He’s fine. Jake can handle it. He’s perfectly fine. Everything’s okay. You deserve this.”

She still skips the make-up and nicer clothes she had been planning to put on, throwing on a pair of maternity leggings and one of Jake’s old hoodies instead.

The dinner looks fantastic, some sort of chicken baked in the oven with rice and a lemon sauce, and Amy’s actually impressed. She imagines it would have been even nicer if she could have eaten it warm and together with Jake, but they only make it through toasting in orange soda and the first two bites before Mac wakes up from his ten-minute-nap, wailing as if he truly believed he’d just been abandoned. They end up having to take turns eating and walking laps around the living room with him, because he starts crying again if they stop moving for a second or as much as make an attempt to put him down. Amy is suddenly relieved they said no to her brother Tony’s New Year’s party-invite.

She can barely believe it when after what feels like the fiftieth or so feed of the day, Mac falls asleep. Curled up like a little frog on her chest and letting out the cutest of baby snores, he finally seems to relax, and Amy doesn’t even dare to breathe too sharply for the first ten minutes. Eventually, though, once it seems like he’s not going to wake up from the slightest movement or a raised voice anymore, Jake tucks them both in under a blanket and gets the Ben and Jerry’s from the freezer and orange soda from the fridge. Then he gets another blanket for himself, and they snuggle up together in the corner of the sofa in front of the tv. From live footage at Times Square, Amy can see crowds of people waiting for the ball to drop.

“Wishing you were there?” Jake winks, but she just laughs.

“Are you kidding? Cold, crowded, and you can never even get a good view. This is better in every way.” She strokes her thumb over Mac’s dark hair. “I have this one and you. That’s all I need. And ice cream,” she adds, digging out a piece of cookie dough from the tub.

“You’re right, it’s pretty damn close to perfection. Top five moments of 2020?”

Amy shakes her head, pointing to Mac. “No point. They’re all about him, anyway, and they’re all too good to compare.”

“True that.” Jake shakes his head. “Hey, isn’t it crazy that although he’s been kind of a nightmare today, I’ve already forgiven him?”

“No, it makes perfect sense, because I’ve almost wanted to give him away several times and now I can’t even remember why.”

“Having a baby makes us kind of crazy, huh?”

“Oh, absolutely. I wouldn’t change it for the world, though.”

“Me neither. Not even if I was offered a role in the next Die Hard-movie and Taylor Swift did the soundtrack.”

“That’s pretty big,” Amy laughs, leaning in for a quick kiss. “Would Taylor Swift do the soundtrack for Die Hard, though? Realistically speaking?”

“It’s a daydream, Ames!”

She has no time for a comeback, though, because right then, the countdown starts on the tv and Jake raises the volume a few bars so they can hear.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…

p;

“New Year’s kiss,” Amy says, holding Mac up slightly so they can both reach him.

Three, two, one… happy new year!

They both smother his cheeks with kisses at the same time as the fireworks explode over the sky in the distance outside their windows and the crowd begins to cheer on tv. Mac doesn’t even flinch, completely oblivious to the celebrations going on outside. Amy sighs.

“How can he magically sleep through all of this, but wake up the second I put him down in his crib at night?”

Jake shrugs. “Babies, man.”

~

december 31st, 2021.

Amy has only started to take off Mac’s winter overall before he starts trying to flee, kicking wildly with his boots and pointing towards the kitchen where he’s already spotted Rosa. Jake notices her struggle and is quick to help her, and the instant the toddler is free, he hurries off towards his best friend.

“Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo!”

“Mac! Hey, happy new year, man!” Before Amy can even take off her own jacket, Mac is already in Rosa’s arms and babbling excitedly as he plays with her gold necklace. Amy wonders how much of what Mac’s saying actually makes sense to Rosa, but she’s nodding and smiling and seems to have abandoned whoever she was previously talking to in favor of the one-year-old.

“Jake. Amy.” Kevin appears to take their coats, shaking their hands. “Welcome. Drinks and hors d’oeuvres are in the living room, and I see your small child has made himself at home.”

“He found Rosa, yep.” Jake grins. “And he has a name.”

“Ah, yes… McClane.” Kevin nods. “Very well. I have to go check on… the kitchen. Enjoy your evening.”

  “He’s never going to like me,” Jake whispers to Amy the moment he’s left.

“Well, I think we both might have lost a few points with the name choice, babe.”

“He’s one to talk names, he’s got a dog named after a cheese!”

“I know, but we can’t tell him that. Come on, Jake, I have to find something to chew on before I get sick.”

“You can always blame it on the alcohol, if you do.”

“Jake.”

“Just kidding,” he grins. “You go check on Mac and Rosa and I’ll locate the snacks.”

 It turns out Rosa is more than willing to guard Mac for the evening, currently showing him the model train she's found in the library. Mac is watching with focus as Rosa helps him turn on the button that makes the train drive around the tracks, laughing as it lets out a choo-choo sound.

“Your son is much cooler than the rest of these lame partygoers,” she shrugs when Amy asks her if she's sure it's fine. “He says what he's thinking, unlike the rest of all these dum-dums.”

“Dum-dums,” Mac repeats, proud. Rosa nods.

“Exactly. I’ll call you if something happens.”

 And so, in an unexpected turn of events, Amy finds herself able to sit down for most of the evening without having to chase a wild toddler around to keep him from whatever dangers he could somehow manage to get himself into in Holt’s and Kevin’s house. She supposes it looks quite antisocial of her, and maybe it is, but she’s six weeks pregnant and the early symptoms of nausea and fatigue seem to be coming on both stronger and faster the second time around, so Amy doesn’t really care. She’s got lemon sparkling water for a non-alcoholic drink, a paper plate of carrot sticks, salted crisps and almonds, and she’s not going to talk to anyone unless they sit down next to her. It’s practically heaven. Jake checks on her from time to time, assuring her multiple times that they can just leave early if she wants to, but however tired she feels, Amy doesn’t want to insult Holt that badly. They’re staying until midnight as per proper New Year’s party etiquette, and then — and not a second later — they can go home so she can crash in bed.

 Rosa finds her again when Mac begins to get sleepy, rubbing his eyes and yawning but still shaking his head when Amy asks if he's feeling a little tired. He crawls over to her arms anyway, laying his head on her shoulder and hugging his arms around her chest.

“Thanks for looking after him,” she tells Rosa, but she just shrugs.

“No worries. I don't get to hang out with him enough. Your kid is dope.”

“Douh,” Mac whispers, mimicking her, and Rosa laughs.

“Repeats every word you tell him, too,” Amy says. “Yeah, he’s pretty awesome. Come over to our apartment at five-thirty in the morning on any weekend and you can hang out with him all you want. I won't stop you.”

Rosa scrunches her nose. “I’ll consider it.”

“He’s in a great mood then, I can assure you that.”

“I'll take your word for it. Also, Jake was tipsy talking baby names with some etymology professor when I saw him last, and he seemed very intense about it for a guy who's not currently thinking of naming any new babies. Or?” She raises an eyebrow.

“No, he just get thats intense when somebody implies McClane is a weird name,” Amy says, and makes a note to herself to remind Jake about their agreement not to tell anyone else at least until the twelve-week mark. “Which, to be fair, I warned him that people would think. But here we are anyway.”

“It is a weird name. Couldn’t imagine him being called anything else, though, even if I still don’t understand why you agreed to it.”

���There was a really good PowerPoint involved.”

Rosa looks at her questioningly, but Amy shakes her head, knowing there’s no point in explaining the unexplainable.

“Hmm. You guys are weird. You make pretty great kids, though.”

“Yeah.” Mac has fallen asleep by now, drooling a little bit on Amy’s shoulder. She kisses the top of his head and thinks of the abstract idea of her second kid, the thump-thump of an already present heartbeat they got so lucky as to hear on an early ultrasound yesterday. “The best.”

 As midnight draws closer, most of the guests take on jackets, scarves and shoes to venture out into the garden to watch fireworks. Not wanting to be left out, Amy and Jake manage to get a half-sleeping Mac, who wakes up suddenly interested when he hears about the promise of fireworks, into his overall and join them. It’s a surprisingly good view from the garden, the cold winter air waking them up, and Jake points out the vibrant displays in the sky to a drowsy Mac, who blinks at them dazedly. It’s so cute it makes Amy tear up. Being both a mom and newly pregnant does that to her; she’s given up trying to fight it.

  It’s hard to believe that two years ago, she was toasting in champagne in a hotel bar and wondering if they would ever make a baby together, and now she’s standing in a garden watching Jake with their one-year-old son and knowing that next New Year’s, if all goes well, they’ll be parents of two.

“What are you thinking of?” Jake must see her tears, because he looks worried, but Amy just smiles.

“Just how quickly things can change. How happy I am. And how much I love you.”

“Love you, too. Top three-hundred-and-sixty-five moments of this year,” Jake says, hugging her close so they’re standing in a little family bubble. “Every single day I get to wake up with and then come home to my family.”

  Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four…

  They both lean in so they can smother their son with kisses, and he laughs as he figures out what’s about to happen.

 Three, two, one… happy new year!

  The sky explodes with color, Jake and Amy attack their son with kisses, and as the new year begins, Amy thinks she might just be the luckiest person in the entire world.

~

[whump-town]

God’s Gonna Cut You Down

Part 2!! (you can find part 1 here)

Warning: threat of domestic abuse and you know bad words

January 1972

It had been mortifying when Richard was caught with another woman and his prideful smile and easy shrug of the situation had only hurt Mary that much more. Through everything else, the drinking and the yelling and the hitting, Mary had still been able to tell herself that Richard did these things because he loved her. Extra whiskey washed down his stress, made him smile easier, and touch her like he meant it. When he raised his voice she’d already left him no other options, she just can be so forgetful. And… he’d only hit her a few times. Always when he was drunk and she’d messed something up. Anyone could forgive that.

The affairs… that was the first time Richard had done something with the explicit intent of hurting her. He hadn’t even cared when she’d cried. Had smiled when she told him about her friends, the way they meet her with high noses and expressions of disgust. He’d spun her into a pit of isolation, her own mother didn’t even want anything to do with her.

Persistently, desperately, Mary kept going back to her mother. She knew about her father, the affairs he had with his students over the years. Praying on the young university girls, the very reason they had hesitated to send her to Mary Baldwin. In the end, money and her pleading won through and she went to get a degree in English her eyes on being a teacher. That’s where she met Richard, five years older and making his way through law school.

Her mother might snuff her now but she is no different, neither are any of the women who treat her so differently now.

Her mother had caved after a few months, grew afraid of the way that weight seemed to melt off of Mary. It was unhealthy and fearing her daughter’s life she’d succumbed to her and offered her the advice that had been given to her: a child. Unfaithful men are just confused but this is not beyond Mary’s control, she just has to give him something to have. Men just need a little extra help, they’re just confused. They understand possession, though, and while they might not be afraid to hurt the lives they've made with wives give him a child and he’ll change.

That’s all it takes.

Having a baby was supposed to fix everything. Mary’s mother told her that babies make men happy and that if she wanted to settle Richard to settle down then a baby would do just that.

But she kept losing the babies. A little girl who they hadn’t named, blindsided by their grief. Two miscarriages far too soon in the pregnancy. Another when Richard pushed her into the stairs-- she’d told him it was for another reason and they didn’t tell a soul they even pregnant. After that, they stopped keeping track and she stopped telling him when one kept or when one didn’t.

Mary Hotchner might not make good on a lot of her promises but this time, she tells herself, this time is different. He’s just so little, hardly the size of her forearm. He’s their second chance, this tiny little baby is going to save their marriage. How wouldn’t he? Always watching the world around him, hardly ever cries, and always content just to be placed in the swing so long as he can see everyone.

She’s just changed him when Richard gets in. “Do you want to hold him?” she asks with a hopeful smile. He’s swaddled in his blankets, arms tucked to his sides, and sleepy drunk on milk. “He’ll probably go right to sleep.” Richard only held him in the hospital, only when a nurse made him.

Richard looks at the baby in her arms, up to Mary’s dark brown eyes and back down to his son’s soft blue eyes. He scoffs, “I don’t want to touch that little bastard.” He throws his briefcase down on the floor, kicking his shoes off in the same general direction. Carelessly, he brushes past them. “Why don’t you go give him to the bastard you had to have fucked to make him?”

Mary scrambles, unsure what to do. “Rich--”

He turns, blind with rage and she can feel the force of his words hit her sternum. Feels the baby in her arms jolt at the impact, whimpering as he squirms in his confines. “Don’t!” Richard demands leveling his finger at her. His eyes flick to Aaron and she holds him closer, turning her body so that she’s between them. Aaron cries out, kicking at the blankets wrapped snuggly around him. Richard lurches forward. “Shut him up!” Mary steps back. “I said shut him up before I--”

This baby is a second chance to their marriage, it’s going to change everything she just knows it.

----------

March 1973

Toddling on baby fat legs and clutching the sippy cup in his left hand, Aaron follows his mother across the lawn. Occasionally, he stumbles but is quick to right himself clutching at his mother’s freely billowing dress and going on. He’s much smaller than the other babies, underweight and not very tall, but he’s only a year and three or four months so he’s got time to blow them away. Mary’s positive her bright boy will manage it. He’s smart, they’ll see, small but he’s so very smart. Just like his daddy.

“Come here,” Mary beacons the baby from the edge of the backyard. His back is turned to her but she knows the look that has taken over his features. Those dark eyebrows knitting together as he dances his little fingers across his sippy cup-- brain working a mile a minute to figure out what it is that he’s discovered now. He makes a little sound, more to himself than to her, before turning to face her. She gets a glimpse of that confused look before a bright smile breaks across his face and he squeals happily before running to her.

She’s not sure what it is but she doesn’t like it when he gets that close to the woods. The thick trees line the property and every chance he gets, if he’s not rolling in the mulch of her flower garden, he’s standing at the trees watching. Aaron’s always watching. It scares her just how silent he is, the way he makes nearly no sound when approaching and will stand forever just content taking in the world around him. She thinks that’s why she wants him nowhere near those woods.

The woods are full of death and she wants all of his life and his curiosity to stay away from it. She knows what it is, knows what the woods do to men. To little boys with a little too much curiosity.

“Come to mommy,” she praises, opening her arms and enveloping him. Wiggling about in her arms but not to get away just to make her hold tighter. So she does, groaning and squeezing him until he’s breathlessly giggling. Enthralled by the pressure of her arms and perfectly content with the warmth of the day and her love.

----------

December 1974

He’s been sick all week, succumbing to a fever ravishing his tiny body. Outside snow pours down in thick clumps, the other children howling with joy every few hours as their parents let them back out in it. Snowmen pop up in lawns and footprints betray every hiding spot they run to but there is a clear, unabashed joy eating through the neighborhood. Aaron can only listen for it, falling in and out of naps on the sofa. Sniffling miserably and basking in his mother’s attention when she comes with a thermometer and whatever remedy her mother had called to inform her of now.

Richard gets home early, taking the time to knock the snow off his work shoes before seeing the mop of dark hair that betrays his son’s inactivity for today. He drops his briefcase by the door, scowling as he glances in the kitchen and finds Mary frowning into a pot. “What’s the boy doing inside?”

Mary jumps, not expecting her husband to suddenly appear like that, not having heard him pull into the driveway. She puts the lid over the soup and wipes her hands on her apron. “Sick,” she answers quickly, not sure how Richard is expecting her to answer. Not sure which of his personalities she’s playing with. Afraid an answer of such quick, unapologetic truth will sour quickly but blindly hopeful for the man she married. The man so eager to have children.

Richard hums, turning on his heel, and Mary’s heart stops as she realizes he’s going right for her Aaron. She fists her apron in her hands waiting in fear of what he intends to do.

He squats down by the sofa. “Aaron,” Richard calls softly. He brushes a thick strand of his son’s hair from his face, the lock heavy with his sweat. His hand swallows the cheek he strokes softly, Richard never really thinks about how small his son is. Now, as he sees Aaron’s body curled in on itself, fingers clutching his blanket to his face, and he can’t deny just how small the boy is. “Hey buddy,” he whispers when Aaron’s eyes start to flutter.

Aaron looks up at his father but does not utter a word.

“Come here,” Richard picks him up. Moving him so Aaron can wrap his arms around his father’s neck before Richard tucks his blanket snuggly around him.

“Where are you going?” Mary asks, stepping back when Richard stands and moves from the living room. She has no idea what his intentions are. To take Aaron up to his room? The poor boy could hardly make it down them this morning. She’d had to carry him to the couch in fear of the way his little legs had shaken under him. Is he silently boiling over with rage? Going to throw her baby out into the snow, command that he acts like a child. Go play with the others?

Richard presses a kiss to Aaron’s forehead, rubbing his back when he rises, soothing Aaron’s mindless whimper. “He hasn’t been able to see the snow,” Richard whispers, mindful of the boy tucked against his neck. He can feel his raging fever against his own skin, too hot to the touch. “Gonna cool him off,” Richard explains with a smile.

He steps out on the porch, smiling back at his wife as he shuts the door. Aaron shifts uncomfortably against his chest but Richard settles on one of the porch chairs and brings the edges of his coat up over him. The world is softened by the snow and the old groan of the chair Richard rocks them back and forth on. Aaron’s breathing becomes laborious, his little chest heaving as he rasps on each breath. The silence makes the awful sound deafening.

“You with me, buddy?” Richard asks, pressing his cold hand back to Aaron’s face. His son isn’t much of a talker, not even at three or in the rage of his terrible twos. He’s always just been much more content to watch and hum out his little replies. Odd behavior for people of most ages but it’s nearly alarming from a three-year-old. The way he cocks his head to the side when asked a question, a little hum before he conjures up a one 0r two-word response.

Today Aaron writhes against Richard, whimpering at the weight across his chest. The way his lungs feel as if they’re swelling but he’s too young to know the words. “Hurts,” he whispers. “Hard.” Each breath is hard to pull in as if his lungs are trying to squeeze shut around it. They ache deeply, all over.

Richard keeps rocking. Rubbing Aaron’s back and humming the faint tunes of songs under his breath until, eventually, Aaron falls back to sleep. He doesn’t carry the boy back inside until Mary calls them in for dinner. Richard holds his son through dinner, cherishing the way Aaron clings to him. 

There will be very few moments like this ever again between father and son.

[chazz-anova]

Type: Story / GFH Mission Location: Rye & Sons Aviation / Seed Ranch (Holland Valley) Quest Contact: Nick Rye Rewards: Nick as a Gun For Hire, 900 Resistance points Description: "Nick's plane was taken by cultists before he and his wife could disappear for good. Pregnant and expecting, they need help to get out of Dodge."

Plot

Over the radio, Nick Rye pleads for help as the cult attempts to steal his plane. When the Deputy arrives, they find the airfield overrun with peggies and Nick is under fire. After finishing the rest of the cultists off- Nick informs the Deputy that his plane has already been taken and is stashed at John Seed’s ranch. Explaining that he can’t go because his wife, Kim, is expecting, the pilot asks the Deputy for their help.  Once at Seed Ranch, Dep secures the land for the Resistance and takes back the Rye family plane. Back at Rye & Sons- Nick barely has time to check the craft for damage before Eden’s Gate attacks once more. After they’re dealt with, Kim convinces Nick to stay in Hope County and fight the good fight with the Deputy.

Trivia/Tricks

While you can steal the plane without taking the outpost at Seed Ranch, if you return there will be no alarms or acknowledgement of killing all enemies. You must fast travel away and then back to reset this.

Dialogue

Nick (Beginning): We’re trapped, we’re fucking trapped! I swear to god, I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch John Seed… you see them peggies take off with my plane? I need it back! That was our only chance of getting out! I’d go myself but my wife’s due any second. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do… I mean, without that plane we’re fucked! Please… my family needs your help. I’m sorry. I don’t like getting emotional… name’s Nick by the way. Look, if I know the cult they’ve taken my plane to John Seed’s Ranch. It’s got the only other landstrip big enough to land the thing! I know it’s a lot to ask but… I’m desperate, partner.

John (After You Take His Ranch): So, you’ve taken my home in the name of your little ‘Resistance’.  Ah, if those walls could talk… well, more accurately, scream. Just know that I will get it back- sooner or later. And when I do, maybe I’ll hang your skin as a trophy above the mantle. 

Nick (When You Get In The Plane): Hoorah, deputy! Now you need some distance, just go north for a bit. You gotta get that plane back to me! Now, I need to make sure they didn’t mess with it. Let’s run some tests! Hang a sharp left at the crop circle and fly low along the river! I’m gonna have you dip that left wing. That’s the one that worries me, it’s always acting up a bit. Goddamn! Breaking into John’s ranch of all places and making it out in one piece! Way to show those fuckers! That’s all they do around here anyways! Show  up at your door and take everything you own, just like they did to me! Good thing we didn’t lose that plane, we’d have been fucked. Ya know, I should have figured everything was gonna be alright. That plane’s never let a single one of us Ryes down! You should be coming to a big fork in the river, hang right! Yeah, it takes a certain kinda person to defend their home.I gotta be honest, I don’t know if I am that kind of person. I don’t know if you have any little monsters at home but the thought of leaving mine fatherless terrifies me! And mine ain’t even born yet! If running means saving my family at the cost of losing my home, so be it! That’s the right move ain’t it? Still. Makes my goddamn blood boil that I gotta uproot from the place that my family worked so hard to put together! They made every inch of this land with blood and sweat, and now I gotta lose it all to some man-bunned little twerp and his posse of inbreeds? No, fuck it, you don’t mess with the Ryes without getting a scar! Let’s give ‘em the long kiss goodbye partner! You should be flying over a field, light up any peggies you see! And if you see any Bliss tankers, blow them sky high!

[writersmacchiato]

Hold On, Hold You | Bonnie Gold

Summary: The Billy Boys attack you in place of Bonnie. Will you survive the night?

Request: If requests are still open, could you pls write another Bonnie one that’s connected to the ‘Blessing’ fic, this time it’s years later in 1929 and YN is the one who ends up dying by the Billy Boys, Bonnie feels guilt by not being able to protect her and Tommy blames him for her death.

Warnings: pregnancy mention/pregnancy loss, blood mention (thats it i think)

>Connected to the fic: Blessing

-         

There was too much blood. 

It stained his hands, warm and thick as it gushed from your stomach. The smell burned his nose, curling his stomach as he tried to fight the despair that fought to consume him.

So pale, so cold. 

Your eyes were glossy, looking at him with a frozen expression of fear - but not for you.

Bonnie let out a choked sob, applying more pressure. Aberama was speeding down the road; focusing on driving instead of his son clutching onto his dying wife.

. . .

The hospital waiting room was dark, damp as a chill settled through Bonnie. Aberama sat in a corner, watching him with a careful eye. Bonnie hadn't looked away from the operating room for a second, muscles tensed as he waited for any movement. 

The door burst open.

It wasn't the movement he was hoping for. Tommy Shelby came striding into the room with fury, eyes surveying the room before he had Bonnie pinned to the wall with a gun under his chin. 

"If Minnie doesn't..." Tommy can't even say the word, eyes flashing between rage and grief. "I'll kill you. She should have never been out there unprotected."

"Tommy." Aberama pulls him away. "She wouldn't want ya' fightin'." 

"Where are the doctors?" Tommy shrugs off Aberama's hand, tucking away his gun. His point was made.

"She lost a lot of blood but they said it was good that Bonnie was there to put pressure on the bullet wound. Stopped her from bleeding out."

Bonnie feels a pounding pressure behind his eye, the flickering fluorescent light sending a nauseating wave over his stomach. 

"You should have that checked, son. They got ya' good." 

The Billy Boys had set out to kill Bonnie, but they changed their plan once they saw you - a Shelby. It had happened too fast. 

They were hitting him, a blow behind his ear had him falling to his knees in a daze. His ears were ringing before they popped as a gunshot flew through the air, echoing off the trees. There was haunting laughter as the Billy Boys left the carnage. 

Red. Red. Red.

So much fucking blood. It was too much. 

The blood stained his hands still and if he closed his eyes he could still feel it on his hands. He would never forget how it felt to plead with God, pushing down on your stomach, hands slippery with the blood as he prayed for you to keep holding on. 

He couldn't think about the baby. 

The news had only been discovered a week prior. You had wanted to wait until the early phase had passed before telling anyone. Every night had been spent talking in hushed whispers, excitement shining in your eye as potential names were discussed. Aberama had been working on a cradle, ignoring your protests that it was too early - he was thrilled at the prospect of being a grandfather.

There was no possibility of the baby surviving. 

Bonnie stayed awake the entire night with the knowledge that he had lost his baby and any moment he might lose his wife.

. . .

There is a tense air in the room broken by Polly Gray as she strides through the doors, an entrance less hostile than Tommy's had been. It still made the nurse wince as the door slams off the brick wall. 

"Well?" Polly looked to Bonnie, mouth drawn into a tight line. "How is she?"

"Her condition is unstable but she's survived this long..."

"It's a good sign, Polly." Aberama leads her to sit with him, taking her hand in his. "She's a fighter. Stubborn just like the woman who raised her."

Polly takes out a cigarette, fingers slowly handling the lighter until it flicked on. 

No other words are exchanged. There is nothing to say. 

Hours slip by; time frozen as it slowly drips - every moment one that could bear the bad news. It seemed inevitable, like Bonnie already had the noose around his neck and simply waited for the floor to drop. 

The doctor exits the operating room, the sleeves of his once-white shirt now colored in a dull rust. Exhaustion seeped from every crevice of him and the nurses - no one had gotten any rest.

"Her condition is stable." The doctor says. "It will be a slow recovery but she will live through it." 

Tommy and Polly stand up but the doctor looks to Bonnie with a grimace. "She is asking for her husband." 

Polly puts a hand on Tommy's arm to silence his protests, nodding to Bonnie. The doctor opens the door and Bonnie follows. 

"There is something you should know." The doctor speaks up. "With how the surgery went and how traumatic the injury is...it is not likely that she will be able to carry a child to term. I'm sorry."

Bonnie clenches his hands, taking deep breathes. It had tided him over throughout the operation - the possibility that you would survive and things could start anew. 

You look so small on the hospital bed. There is a void expression on your face, hands clasped over your stomach. Bonnie holds them tightly, bending down to kiss your knuckles - once, twice, before he lets out the sob that has been threatening to escape him all night. Your fingers brush against his cheek.

Cold.

You are so cold to the touch, it freezes him. Takes him back to the forest floor, the chilled air biting through his clothes as he tries desperately to save you.

"Bonnie, I'm sorry..."

“It's my fault." Bonnie cups your hands against his chest, trying to bring some warmth to your chilled body. You're too cold. "It's my fault. I'm sorry."

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

So fucking sorry.

. . .

"She was pregnant." Polly looks at Bonnie, seeing his disheveled appearance. His hair was a mess; already overgrown but now tangled. The shirt he wore was too big, given to him by a nurse after she noticed that he still wore the clothes covered in blood. 

Tommy sits behind his desk, cigarette in his mouth. His eyes are dark. 

"I'm going to kill Billy Grade." Bonnie says. His voice is calm, steady - it should scare him, but he can only think of your broken expression as you blame yourself for losing the baby. "He's going to pay."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Tommy snubs out his cigarette, the smoke floating through the air.

"I have a plan."

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

iv.vii. (m)

At the weekend you had agreed with Johanna that you would do some shopping. You wanted to have nice clothes again because you still have this little belly from the twin pregnancy for a while and you currently don't fit in your old clothes. "Are you looking for something specific or are you just looking like that?" You ask Johanna while looking through the clothes on the rail. "Well Hayoung is having a bridesmaid party and I'm invited." She sighed and looked carefully at you. Everything was still very tense and nobody wanted to address the situation with Doyoung. "Do you get along well?" You asked and wanted to take the tension off. Johanna was your friend, she could talk to you about anything. "I'd say. But we only went for a coffee every now and then." It was clearly uncomfortable for her to talk about it, so you just nod and keep looking. But somehow Johanna felt guilty. "Y/N, I can ask if you can come with me or to the bridesmaid's party." She turned to you and looked desperately. "Johanna, that's not a problem. I understand that Doyoung doesn't want to keep me too close. A lot has happened." Johanna doesn't know everything about the whole story with Doyoung, Johnny doesn't even know everything and you doubt that he told it all. "What really happened there? Johnny just says you were in a love triangle." She confirmed your suspicion that she hardly knows anything, but you didn't know if it was the right time to explain all of this. "Doyoung loved me, I loved Jaehyun and Jaehyun was overwhelmed with all the emotions. This story is too huge for one day and fit’s better with wine and sushi. It is too complex to summarize that." You put the dress you had back. Johanna nodded and continued to search. You were looking for a dress for yourself, but somehow you always slip into the children's clothing department. You will always find something for Miga, Sunoh or the twins. "Hey, didn't you want to buy clothes for yourself?" Johanna asked while you holding a romper with bunny ears. "But that's so cute. If I buy two, I can put Geon and Kiwoo in that. Jaehyun would be so confused." You look in love at the baby clothes and Johanna laughed. "Why? Can't he separate the twins?" "Yeah, but they look really identical. I only knew them because I breastfeed the two boys." You still had the romper in your hand and are already looking for an identical one in the same size. "How can you tell them apart? I think also that they really look the same and can’t tell you the difference." "Kiwoo is much more active. He is kicking wildly and he is much greedy when I breastfeed him. Geon smiles constantly, he is such a happy baby and he is so gentle, and breastfeeding with him takes longer. They look maybe the same but their characters are so different." You smile and somehow you missed your baby twins. It was the first time that you were without them for a few hours. "Johnny wants a baby too." Johanna suddenly became more serious and looked uncertain on the floor while you already found a new outfit for Sunoh. "You shouldn't get pregnant too fast. Your last birth was only 5 months ago." You put the outfit for Suoh over the romper and are now looking for something for Miga. "I don't want children anymore. Two are okay with me, but Johnny is already talking about number three." It really strains her. So you stop and turn to her. "Then talk to him and show him how you feel." "I know, only we have just reconciled and I don't want to bring the next argument into our relationship." Johanna grabbed her forehead and looked slightly panicked. "Are you still going to couples therapy? Maybe this is a good place to talk about it. A neutral person between you could sort things out and it won't escalate into emotions." "Hmmm yes maybe I should give it a try." She sighed and could see that it was bothering her. You stroke her back and smiled. "You two can do it." Then she nodded and you could understand that there was still a lot of work to do. Johanna then picked up a dress for Jaina and then turned to you. "How do you think our men are doing with the children at the moment?"

"AHHHHHHH!" "Sunoh, where's your clothes?" Jaehyun ran after his son, but the twins started to cry and Jasper followed. "Daddy, I think the babies are all hungry." Miga looked at the three children. Jaina meant that she had to climb on the table and was about to slip when Johnny quickly caught his daughter. "Jaehyun, we can't go on like this. This is like war!" Johnny held Jaina, who also started screaming. Miga covered her ears and ran to her father. "Daddy, it's so loud here." With her dark eyes, she looks up at Jaehyun desperately. But Jaehyun saw also that this day was catastrophic. "I think we have to call Mia." He had to admit that because the two Daddy’s were overwhelmed. "Why didn't you do it earlier?" Johnny was still struggling with Jaina, who wants to climb around everywhere. "Because she has her free day." At that moment the children were still screaming loudly and meanwhile, Sunoh was completely naked and crouched suspiciously in the garden. ”Daddy, I think Sunoh is pooping.” Miga pulled on her father's shirt and pointed to her brother. "No Sunoh, you're not shitting into the flowers now." Jaehyun ran out and grabbed his son. Now it was enough for him, Mia has to go back home as soon as possible. 

When you got home it was already dark. You open the door and it was completely quiet. Everything was tidy and when you looked into Miga and Sunoh's room they were sleeping. You could not believe that there was so much peace here. When you come into the bedroom, you hear the shower and in the addition on your bedside, the twins are cuddled together and also slept. You were really surprised how well everything worked. You really thought that chaos would break out. You sneak past your babies and go into the bathroom where Jaehyun just got out of the shower and the towel wrapped around her waist. He also seemed relaxed and maybe the fact that he had everything so well under control made him even more attractive. "Hey, you're here." He grinned and stood in front of you now. "Yes, we went also for dinner." You grin and put your hands on his wet chest. "Did you find something nice?", He asked further and you hesitated briefly. "Or did you just only buy things for the kids again?" He laughed, after all, he already knew you too well. "I've found one dress for me," you say proudly, looking into his dark eyes. And at the moment your knees got weak again and you have felt this lust that you never felt for a long time. Sex wasn't even in your mind for the past few weeks after the birth and it was still a while before you could sleep with him again, but something was stirring in you again. "Very good. You deserve something just for yourself." His face was suddenly closer to yours and he breathed these words so gently that you could almost read them on your face. "Apparently you also had a good day. Everything looks perfect. I'm impressed!" You grin and Jaehyun, who had his hands on your butt, hugged you tighter. "Yes?" He asked and grinned. If he was honest, Mia had helped and cleared up the mess. They had a deal that they didn't tell you or Johanna and Miga was bribed with lots of cookies. "Yes, you are such a good father." You run your fingers along his abs and moan in his direction. "Y/N, you're driving me crazy and we can't ..." Your foreheads lay on each other and your bodies were pressed together. "I know, but all the kids are asleep and you deserve a reward for today." You grin and kiss him just before you suddenly get on your knees. Jaehyun watched your actions closely and when you wiped the towel off his waist, his body twitched. He was right in front of your face, half-hard and you hadn't had him so close in a long time. You smile just before you take him in your hand and trigger a short moan from Jaehyun. The moment his length was in your hand, he was already growing and getting even more harder. You look up to him so far that your eyelashes reached your eyebrows and grinned because you knew exactly what you were going to do now. Jaehyun felt like he’s going crazy. You were on your knees, but now it was he who was weak in front of you. His eyes were pleading and begging. He wanted to scream 'put this fucking cock in your mouth'. You knew that exactly and that's why you take much more time. Your lips came very close to his tip, but you are not yet completely absorbing him. You see his length twitch with excitement and you had to giggle softly. You hear a soft moan without touching him and you were glad that you could still make him so hard with so little. But it was only a matter of time before the twins wake up and so you decide to act a little faster because you really wanted to give him that. So you open your mouth as far as you can and push your head so far forward that you have almost completely swallowed his cock. When your lips closed around his length, Jaehyun raised his hands and closed them behind his head to lie down easily. "Oh God!" As if he would find redemption, he groaned. You don't let that stop you and just keep going. You play alternately with your tongue on his glans and then start with another deepthroat. His hips gently pushed forward and backward, automatically. But whenever his lower abdomen pulled in, you knew he was close to his climax. You support yourself with your hands and really suck him out. And with another moan, you feel the familiar taste that ran down your throat bitterly and slightly salty. You suck his glans a little more so that he was clean of his own cum and when you were done he pulled you up. You look into each other's eyes and smile at each other, but then you hear a baby cry, followed by the second. It was time for the children agin

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[shih-coulda-had-it]

Sorahiko is a jealous dad with his sunflower son's friends and Nana is trying to calm him down, I'm completely sure that happened 👀👀

/rubs hands slowly/ This might necessitate Sorahiko wanting to bond with Toshinori, anon. For all we know, he might have approved Toshinori lone-wolfing it at the beginning. He certainly doesn’t think that way by the time we reach the Shie Hassaikai Arc — he was, I think, a factor in Izuku’s internship?? Don’t quote me on that — but I wouldn’t put it past Sorahiko to think that teenager Toshinori shouldn’t drag people into his ‘delusions of grandeur.’

Anyway! This is yet another entry into the NanaLives!AU. For the last bit, just know that Nana survives All for One, fled to the States with Toshinori, and Sorahiko found and adopted Kotarou before joining them.

//

This is the third week in a row that Sorahiko’s found the dumb dandelion-haired brat underfoot at his and Nana’s agency. Yagi is still dressed in his black uniform, the one that clearly marks him as a junior high student, and he looks like any bright, diligent kid. Kenta, the agency’s hapless receptionist, sends Sorahiko a pleading look.

Sorahiko knows it’s not a ‘please get him out of here’ look, because it didn’t even take Yagi a goddamn day to charm the civilian staffers. No, what Kenta is mentally begging Sorahiko for is to not make a snarky comment. 

So what if there aren’t any official rules against civilians in agencies? What if Yagi has wormed his way into Nana’s good graces, to the point where she’s already considering making him her successor?

Doesn’t explain why a student has so much time to spend at a small pro-hero agency. 

“Torino-san!” says the brat cheerfully. He’s carrying a stack of files in his twiggy arms, looking ready to drop it all and assist Sorahiko. “Hi! Oshishou said you were coming in late today!”

Sorahiko squints, bleary. It’s just too many exclamation points for someone who’s just woken up from an afternoon nap. The front door swings shut behind him. Sorahiko hasn’t changed into his gear yet, he’s kinda hungry, and he’s being overwhelmed by a kid who’s taken Nana’s philosophy to heart.

“It’s not a training day for you,” he grunts, and moves forward, brushing unceremoniously past Yagi.

“Every day is training!” Undeterred by Sorahiko’s grouchiness, the brat trails behind and lectures Sorahiko about dedication of all things, and new things oshishou tells me about, I’m learning all the time, I’m so grateful to be here—Sorahiko lets the chatter wash over him, unwilling to cross the line of bullying a child just yet.

“Sky Drop,” Sorahiko says, opening the door into his and Nana’s private office. They used to keep their workspaces separate, and then a month into that, caught each other sneaking out the window (Nana) and snoozing over the paperwork (Sorahiko).

“Oshishou, I have the files!”

Nana looks up from her desk, looking frazzled. “Oh, thank you, Yagi-shonen. Gran Torino, hey, how was the nap?”

“Too short.” Sorahiko watches Yagi bounce to Nana’s desk, hand her the files, and vibrate expectantly in place. Youthful eagerness. It tires Sorahiko just witnessing it, and he makes eye contact with Nana, trying to communicate, ‘I can’t believe this kid.’ She glares at him for a brief second, then turns to Yagi.

“Do you have anything you need to study?” she asks.

“Tests are easy,” the brat says. He scuffs the heel of one sneaker. “I can test, oshishou, but I just don’t like, um…”

“Paperwork?”

Yagi brightens. Ugh, they’re kindred spirits, these two. Sorahiko can’t believe Nana’s letting him get away with the idea that a Pillar of Society isn’t going to have to deal with all the generated paperwork. “Yeah! It’s all in my head, so I’m free to do whatever, oshishou.”

“All in your head,” Sorahiko mimics. Look at that, he is willing to bully a child. Nana can kick his ass later, when the ball of sunshine isn’t setting fire to his dignity. “I can guarantee you, you aren’t ready for the written exam for U.A. Go. Shoo. Come back in five minutes.”

He only adds that last part because Yagi had wilted, drooping at the order to leave like Sorahiko had been responsible for sucking up all the nutrients and will to live, and Sorahiko doesn’t need to be guilt-tripped by a thirteen-year-old child.

In any case, Yagi perks up. “Okay! What can I do?”

Fortunately, Nana intervenes. Maybe she could predict that Sorahiko was going to send Yagi out to fetch taiyaki. “There’s a table tennis set in the backroom. It’s at the top of the metal shelves, you can’t miss it. Bring it back here, and I’ll show you a trick for improving hand-eye coordination, okay?”

“Okay!” And off he goes, shooting past where Sorahiko is still lounging against the doorframe. There’s a draft of cold air, and then Sorahiko is finally stepping inside and closing the door. The room isn’t sound-proofed, but they’ve got a solid minute before Toshinori scrounges up the paddles and the elusive white ball. 

Their desks are technically on opposite sides of the room. Sorahiko likes to sit by the door, and terrorize visitors (mostly Commission agents) by standing up when they enter, startling them backwards and unnerving them into honesty. Nana sits in plain-view of the door.

He approaches her desk and leans his hip against the edge. “Why is here,” he asks plaintively. “Doesn’t he have friends?”

“Don’t be a dick,” Nana chides. “You can connect the dots yourself.”

“He had the confidence to pester you.”

“Sorahiko,” she says, stern.

“Nana,” he whines. Sorahiko might be losing heart in this argument, because he can connect the dots. The dots are telling him that he’s being an asshole to a previously Quirkless teenager. “I can only deal with one extrovert at a time.”

“You’ll get attached to him,” Nana says with great confidence. She’s been saying this for the past three weeks; the novelty of Nana having an apprentice has worn off, and now Sorahiko is even more confused as to why Recovery Girl took the position as U.A.’s school nurse. Nana leans forward and pokes his elbow. “You got attached to me, after all.”

“Hm.”

“I think he’ll make lots of friends at U.A.,” she adds, with less confidence.

“Hm,” Sorahiko hums again. It’s likely. U.A. usually feels like the chance to start over a social life; the influx of students outside of Musutafu meant new faces. But Sorahiko knew better than most that old habits died hard; years after graduation, his closest friend is still Shimura Nana, and everyone else (save for Chiyo, who was more willing to ally with Nana and force him into socializing) remains at arms’ length.

“Found you!” Yagi’s exultant cry travels through the whole agency. Sorahiko resigns himself to Yagi’s effusively loud existence, and Nana pats his wrist.

“If you needle him about overstaying his welcome, I’ll kick your ass,” she reminds him pleasantly.

“When you go on full maternity leave, I’m the one stuck with him,” Sorahiko shoots back.

“I will make Yagi-shonen run so many errands…” She sounds wistful, as if the prescribed rest from work hasn’t been haunting her for days. “When I can’t bend over and get the tea from the bottom shelf, I’ll just tell Yagi-shonen to help this poor pregnant lady, oh, her gigantic stomach…”

The joke works; Sorahiko doubles over in laughter.

//

Yagi Toshinori does not make any close friends through high school. Instead, he spends more and more time at the agency, helping with the reports and patrols, desperate to ease the burdens weighing Nana and Sorahiko down.

“He’s supposed to have a childhood,” Nana mutters. They’ve made a stop at the rooftop, and she is staring blackly at the blue and pink neon glow of the city. “He’s—supposed to be irresponsible, and goofing off with friends, and getting terrible grades as a consequence for not studying.”

Sorahiko studies the passing cars, and he keeps his mouth shut.

Toshinori’s constant presence at the office helps. He’s a quick study at paperwork, for all that he professes to hate it, and just having him there lightens the mood. They’ve tried kicking him out for his own good, pointedly reminding him about the necessity of networking and downtime. And like clockwork, he shows up the next day.

It soothes something in Nana to see her successor, hale and hearty. Sorahiko can appreciate Toshinori for that.

“He does talk to his classmates, right? You’d know if he was being bullied?”

Sorahiko rolls his eyes. “You think I would keep that from you? His classmates worship the ground he walks on. He’s just standoffish, I guess.”

“Oh no,” Nana grieves. “Of all the things he learned from you, Sorahiko.”

“From me?” he says, outraged.

“I know I told him to make friends!” she continues. “God, maybe if we weren’t operating outside the Hero Association’s purview, he’d bring them to the agency, and he could finally brag about his experiences working with us…”

“He’s fine, Nana. I think—” his throat seizes for a second. I think he knows he has to be All Might alone. It’s true, but Sorahiko doesn’t need to rub the fact in Nana’s face. If entering U.A. is like wiping your social slate clean, then entering the pro-hero workforce is like exchanging your life for an entirely new tablet. Sorahiko’s luckier than most that Nana was willing to cling right back, and that Chiyo demanded to be their GP.

“You think,” Nana prompts.

“Toshinori’s as emotionally-balanced as any teenager can be,” Sorahiko says. “Don’t mess with his social life until we’re out of the clear.”

//

This isn’t a conversation Nana thought she’d be having with Sorahiko, of all people. But he’d been biting poor David Shield’s head off during dinner, and even Kotarou has caught onto the inexplicable animosity. Fortunately, Kotarou takes his cues towards strangers more from his adopted big brother than Sorahiko.

Toshinori is looking at her in askance, when Nana decides David’s suffered enough and politely excuses herself and Sorahiko from the table.

“We’ll be back with dessert,” she reassures the kids. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No kissing,” says Kotarou petulantly. “You always forget the time when you’re kissing tou-chan.”

Nana fake-gasps, smiling even as she scolds. “Kota! Not in front of guests. You wouldn’t want me telling Dave what happened the first time I took you flying, would you?” Kotarou reddens like a tomato, and mimes zipping his mouth. Ah, a Sorahiko-tic. Her heart warms.

“It’s okay,” Dave says.

“Yes, it would be nice to gain information, wouldn’t it, Dave?”

She grabs Sorahiko’s wrist and marches him to the kitchen. He goes willingly, but Nana knows he’s just shot one more suspicious glare over his shoulder. And when they’re standing in the kitchen, ostensibly retrieving the ice cream bucket and assorted bowls and spoons, Sorahiko crosses his arms and scrunches his face into a scowl.

“What is with you?” she whispers.

“Look at him!” Sorahiko whispers back, gesturing at his face. “He’s a smarmy little prick trying to figure out what’s behind All Might!”

“He’s asking very normal things, as expected from very normal engineering students,” says Nana. “You remember the Support students. David isn’t being any more invasive than they are.”

“He’s Californian.” The disdain drips from Sorahiko’s voice. “He’s obsessed with bodybuilders in the spotlight, like that, that one governor they had—”

“What, was he eyeing you too?”

Sorahiko dismisses her attempted derailing. “The boy’s ogling Toshinori like a piece of meat, he’s not going to look at some old-timer.”

“It’s a mutual attraction,” says Nana, certain of this, at least. “I think Toshinori likes nerds.”

He makes a face.

“He gets that from me,” adds Nana mischievously, and she leans in to kiss the affectionate outrage off Sorahiko’s face.

[msjr0119]

Hold On

Part 25 - A premature arrival

Nobody got injured at the Homecoming ball, they all get separated into different safe houses- for safety.

Riley and Drake had confirmed that they had feelings for each other, however Drake believed Riley should be with Liam. Heartbroken, she moves back to New York. Only keeping in touch with Hana, Maxwell and Olivia.

Riley meets lawyer, Nate Cooper and begins a relationship with him. In Cordonia, Drake begins to court Kiara.

Nine months after Riley had left Cordonia- there is a reunion, but not the reunion the friends had hoped for.

*Characters belong to Pixelberry*

If you are under 18 please do not read this series. If you do you are consenting that you are over the age.

Series warnings: Suicide, domestic abuse, swearing, stabbing, smut🍋 If any of these triggers affect you do not read!

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs

******

“So after brunch, I assume the King and Queen will want some aloneeee time.... But who’s ready for the real party? As it’s a Beaumont wedding- well sort of. You’re all invited to the after party at House Beaumont later tonight, to celebrate our sister getting married!”

Riley and Liam couldn’t wait to go and spend time alone together- with no distractions. They were now officially married. Discreetly they sneaked off up to their Chambers- informing Maxwell that they wouldn’t be attending the Beaumont bash, as they wanted their wedding day/night to be just the three of them. Maxwell was dramatically upset at first- but explained that they would all celebrate anyway.

Carrying his Queen over the threshold, Liam gently placed his wife on the leather couch. Pouring her a glass of water, he couldn’t take his eyes of her- he was in awe of her. The beauty radiating around her.

“I love you Queen Riley of Cordonia.”

Riley hearing these words still sounded so surreal.

“I love you too, King Liam of Cordonia. Who’d have thought that we’d have ended up here?”

“Not me for sure. I’m glad to have you back in my arms. The time apart from each other was torture. I’m going to love you both for as long as I live. How about a little siesta before we have something to eat?” The king smirked at his Queen, with passion and desire in his eyes.

“Siesta? Is that what they call it now your Majesty?” Oh god he’s so sexy with that smirk- I know exactly what you mean Liam.

“Of course. But I can’t promise that I won’t be able to keep my hands off of my gorgeous wife.”

*****

7 Months after Liam and Riley’s wedding ceremony.

Riley was now glowing at 37 weeks pregnant. Hoping that these next three weeks go quick, as everywhere she turned the little princess would knock everything and anything over. Getting frustrated with waddling anywhere she really wanted to invest in a mobility scooter- I am Queen, they may get me one if I ask nicely.

Liam had left Cordonia for two days of meetings in Greece the prior day. He didn’t want to leave her, but she promised to FaceTime him constantly over the two days to prove she was fine. Last night, she placed the phone to her bump so Liam could speak to his daughter. His daughter was doing backflips in Riley’s stomach responding to her daddy’s voice- he couldn’t contain the smile on his face. He was desperate to return home to his wife.

At brunch, Riley had experienced a shooting pain. She just ignored it as the Doctor said she would be expecting braxton hicks throughout the last few weeks of pregnancy. Olivia had noticed the colour drain from her face- and immediately excused herself from the table to find Leo.

“Leo, I know she’s not due to pop that thing out yet. But she doesn’t look well. I don’t want to worry her or Liam but I think the little princess is eager to make appearance.”

Leo looked over towards Riley- Olivia was talking sense, she didn’t look her usual self and she kept holding her stomach every ten minutes. Shit!

“Liv that ‘thing’ is my niece. I need to get Liam back. Try ringing Bastien and I will contact Liam.”

*****

Riley jolted up from her seat knocking champagne and food all over Drake and Hana. The married couple looked at each other concerned, as they stood up clearing the mess that Riley had caused.

“Shit!” Riley screamed in excruciating pain- holding her stomach protectively.

“Brooks? What’s up? Are you okay?”

Riley pulled Drake towards her- gritting her teeth she was tugging on his infamous denim jacket. He looked over towards his wife Hana for reassurance that Riley wasn’t going to potentially throttle him.

“Do I fucking look all right Drake... the fucking baby is coming.... It’s too early... get your best friend back here now!”

Drake stood frozen, before trying to unloosen her tight grip she had on him. His feet suddenly became damp- much to his annoyance. He assumed she had leaked a little accident due to the baby kicking her in the bladder too much.

“Brooks...Why are my feet wet? Have you pissed yourself? You need to let me go so I can ring Li.”

“My waters broke you fucking dipshit!”

Riley fell to the floor, Hana tried to comfort her, speaking softly towards her. Telling her to breathe. Drake attempted ringing Liam up, shaking at the reality the heir was about to be born- fucking pick up your Majesty!

*****

“Liam!” For god sake Leo, I’ve been gone one day- What catastrophes have you caused already? Frustrated with his older brother, he just sighed regretting answering the phone.

“Leo. What’s up I’m in a meeting!”

“Liam fuck the meeting! Your daughter is making an early appearance! You need to get back now”

“Fuck! Look after her Leo, I’m leaving now.”

Liam ran to Bastien, I’m going to be a father today- Riley’s in labour. Get the jet ready ASAP! Quickly explain to everyone for me what has happened and send my apologies.

*****

Leo ran into the room, Hana had placed a cold compress on Riley’s head, and Drake looked in pain- Riley was practically breaking his hand- his grimace pleaded with Leo to take over. Man up Walker, let a real man help- Leo muttered as he shook his head at Drake.

“Ri. You’re doing great. But we need to get you to hospital. Liam is on his way back.” He said calmly holding her hands, his eyes fixated on her.

“It’s too early Leo...” she cried inbetween screaming.

Leo picked Riley up, cradling her in his arms he carried her to the SUV that was waiting for them. Hana grabbed Riley’s hospital bag from their chambers, quickly making sure everything was in- she was excited and nervous for her friend.

“Good luck Ri. We can’t wait to meet our niece. We will all meet you at the hospital. Love you.”

****

Arriving at the hospital, Leo was blinded by all the flashes in front of the car. The press were camping outside the hospital grounds, how they found out Leo didn’t know. He was furious. He demanded that the royal guards find another discreet way into the hospital. Riley looked exhausted already, he was hoping Liam would get here as soon as possible- to be the strength she required to get through it. Leo carried her into the private room, he didn’t want to waste time in waiting for the staff to get her a wheelchair. Placing his sister in law gently on the bed, he asked if she needed anything. I need Liam more now than ever. Leo’s heart sunk- he felt guilty for abdicating especially now in this situation. He wished that a bit of his bad influence had rubbed off onto Liam and for Liam to refuse his duties for once in his life. If Liam missed the birth of his first born, it would all be Leo’s fault. Right now he needed to stay strong for Riley.

“Your majesty, you are about 6cm dilated.”

6cm- that’s good. Hopefully it’ll go slow, give Liam time to arrive, Leo thought. Riley held onto her brother in law for dear life. He didn’t know what to do. She was swearing, she was in pain. At every contraction she would inhale the gas and air- it was taking the edge off the pain rather than blocking it. Even though she was feeling lightheaded - Leo was so proud at how she was coping. He now knew how Drake must of felt because she was making his hand turn blue. Did he care? No. She was providing him with a beautiful niece and an heir to the throne.

****

It had been three hours since they had arrived at the hospital. Liam was still nowhere to be seen. In the back of Leo’s mind, he was furious that Liam had to go for meetings in another country weeks before the birth of his first child, he couldn’t shake this constant thought away. He was knocked out of his trance when he heard a defeated Riley try to talk to him.

“Leo, I can’t .... I can’t do this.”

“Riley you are doing brilliantly. Liam will be here soon....”

Before he could continue the doors swung open, Liam ran upto Riley, placing a lingering kiss on her forehead- holding her clammy hand, he was trying to control his breathing after running into the private wing.

“Thanks Leo. Riley I’m so sorry I knew I shouldn’t have left you.”

“You son of a bitch! You are coming nowhere near me again... I’d have committed treason if you didn’t arrive in time....”

The two brothers looked at each other with worried looks - both gulping. Leo decided to leave them to it. His hand needed a break- and he didn’t want to be in the firing line of Riley’s aggressive insults.

“Riley. I’m here now. I love you.”

“I’m sorry for.... for... calling you that... I love you too my king. Arghhh.”

*****

“You’re majesty, one last push. I can see the baby’s head. Just one more, I promise.”

Riley was lacking energy, she was uncontrollably sweaty, out of breath. Liam had been supporting her as best as he could and she was grateful. One more push and she would be holding her daughter in her arms.

After one excruciating long push, the room was filled with tiny cries, Riley flung her head back- as the midwife weighed the baby. Relieved that it was finally over, she gave her husband a stern warning.

“Liam, I swear to god. You do not touch me ever again. I’m not going through this again.” Liam shook his head, ignoring her as he fixated his gaze on his daughter. Kissing and hugging his Queen, he was so utterly proud of her. Tears ran down his cheek, he didn’t care- he was overwhelmed with the view in front of him.

“Riley, she’s absolutely beautiful. I’m so proud of you. I love you so much.”

The midwife brought the princess over to them, she weighed 6lb 9oz. She had sparkling baby blues like both her parents that kept fluttering open every so often accompanied by a jet black head full of hair. Riley laid her on her chest- having that mother/daughter skin to skin bond. All the pain she had disappeared as if it never existed. Stroking her daughters cheek, she had fallen in love instantly.

“Hello, my little girl. You have given us all a shock. I think Uncle Leo and Uncle Drake have both received broken hands because of your premature arrival. But I’m sure they’ll both forgive you. You are beautiful.”

Riley placed a kiss on the newborns head, Liam was just in awe seeing his two girls together for the first time. Grateful that he was able to make it in time. Liam held his daughters tiny fragile hand, she wrapped her hand around her father’s finger.

“She’s already wrapped around your little finger Li.”

“Riley, she’s... she’s a mini you. She’s beautiful. Daddy loves you so much our little miracle, our princess. You have completed our family. Daddy’s little girl.”

Riley smiled at Liam’s affectionate emotions towards their daughter. Moving up the bed so Liam could join them, the three of them snuggled close together. After all the shit they had been through, fate brought Riley and Liam back together and they had finally become a family.

The King and Queen Of Cordonia, would like to announce the birth of Her royal Highness Princess Ayah Rhys of Cordonia.

Weighing 6lb 9oz... born at 3.57pm.

We would like to congratulate the couple on this fantastic news. And we look forward to officially meeting our princess.

Ana De Luca - The trend

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

Keep Your Eyes On Me Part 5

So I was on vacation for A WEEK in Myrtle Beach without my laptop but I HAD A NOTEBOOK. That I used for the 14 hour drive to and from and throughout the whole week THAT I FILLED WITH IDEAS. and so now we get to use them. Enjoy. Again, big thanks to @waiting4inspiration for hosting the 2k writing challenge. This is so fun. 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 and now enjoy part 5!

Part 5

You went back to Ivar’s house and snuck into the armoire where your ‘tent’ is pitched to access your tent and “paused” time for a moment to wrack a sob before you did your best to regain your composure before you checked in with Morgan. 

“This is H.L.S. Zulu Alpha Roger Alpha 0960 coding in- Phoenix.” You checked in before Morgan’s face appeared in a frown to see you furiously wiping away the tears on your face. 

“I register the time pause, what’s the problem?” Morgan asked. For you, phoenix meant distress, you rarely coded in phoenix. Morgan could count on one hand the number of times you had coded in phoenix out of the hundreds of missions you had run and every last one was when things went to shit and you were in a bind you couldn’t get yourself out of which was something in of itself because you were a good agent. One of the best which made her job a peice of cake. 

“Are you sitting down?” You asked with a wince. 

“How bad?” Morgan asked, her own trepidation clear in her tone. 

“Um, like Cat 3? Maybe 4?” You answered as your wince turned into a grimace before you just started crying again. 

“Hold on sweetie.” Morgan held up a finger and then secured the channel as she ran a quick scan of your location. Freydis was the closest being to you, Bjorn was in the port still on a boat as was his extended family, your emotional distress was causing you physical distress but otherwise you were unharmed. 

“So what’s going on?” Morgan asked. 

“I had to divorce Bjorn.” You wailed as Morgan brought up the feed from your contacts and watched that unfold for a moment. 

“Uh, well, that could actually be a good thing, means he won’t come back to Kettegat and he’ll be safe, you could actually call this mission a success if you wanted to and come home now.” Morgan assured you before she came to the exchange between yourself and Ivar. “Oh, or not.” Morgan grimaced then sucked in a breathe between gritted teeth as she started to wrack her brain on how to help the situation before she bent down to her purse on the floor next to her to grab a mini bottle of peach whiskey from her purse and dumped it into her glass of oj, usually she didn’t drink during work hours but this was a lot of distress as she rewatched your conversation with Ivar. 

“So...do you have a plan for how you’re going to accomplish giving Ivar a son?” Morgan asked before she took a swig of her drink.  

“I’m pregnant with Bjorn’s child.” You answered which caused her to spit out her drink and start choking on it before she grabbed a napkin and wiped off the screen as she started cussing up a storm which got the other operators to look over in curiosity. “Hey, ya’ll mind your own damn business!” Morgan snapped at them which made them turn back to their own screens obediently. 

“Zara, you shouldn’t be pregnant. You can’t...it shouldn’t be possible. The shapeshifter serum…” Morgan tried to argue but she couldn’t deny the biometrics once she reran them and found the evidence of the pregnancy, she simply didn’t notice it before in the first scan because usually it was never a thing to look for before as she laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckles as she took it all in before she heard gasps from the other operators who were eavesdropping. 

“Hey, none of y'all didn’t hear shit you hear me?!” Morgan yelled at them before Vanessa, another operator cleared the room for her. 

“I know, but here I am.” You answered with another angry yet defeated sob. 

“Zara, that’s it, I’m pulling you out. You’re in over your head and I’m out of my depth, this has never been done before.” Morgan decided. 

“No! You can’t! Not yet anyway, Bjorn JUST got on the ships, they’re still in the port, if I go missing now they’ll go after him. I can’t do that.” You argued. 

“You will and I will assign someone else to rejump the mission, we’ll just unravel it, just a little bit.” Morgan insisted. 

“No! If you do, I’ll lose the baby and I can’t lose this baby or this baby!” You argued as you palmed your belly and then gestured to Dyre in your other arm around the sling that kept Dyre secured to your chest. “Morgan please, we’ve been a team for years, you know me and what I’m capable of, I’m not in over my head yet, I’m just...I ran into a few bumps that’s all. It’s still early, my body could still potentially naturally abort and you would be rejumping someone else for nothing. I’ve got time. Just, help me find an out. Help me find a way to successfully accomplish this mission and keep my head in the process. Please Morgan.” You pleaded desperately before Morgan groaned and sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes before she gave you a meaningful look as you continued to her give her your best puppy dog eyes. 

“Damn it.” Mogan complained as she rolled her shoulders to loosen them then ran the probabilities and the possibilities generators as she drank the rest of her drink as she realized this would explain the degree of distress you were under before the computer dinged that it found an out and relief washed over both of you. 

“Ok, I have an out. You miss this out- for any reason- I’m pulling you and this mission will be rejumped and then I’ll be grounding you. You hear me?” Morgan warned. 

“Loud and clear.” You answered before Morgan explained the out and made the arrangements. 

“Now, is there anything else you need to report?” Morgan asked. 

“No.” You shook your head ‘no’. 

“Good, now I’m ordering you some Calm because that much distress isn’t good for the baby and then I’m going to go to lunch and get a strawberry margarita with my tacos al pastor. I’ll check in after lunch.” Morgan said before she reopened the channel while you got what you needed to help your current situation and left your tent in the armoire and hit the resume button on time. It wasn’t but a few minutes before there was a knock at the door. 

“Who is it?” You asked. 

“It’s Freydis.” Freydis answered. 

“Oh, please come in.” You invited as you opened the door to her and once she was in she gave you the tightest hug she dared so as not to smoosh Dyre and this simple act was all you needed to start crying again as she just held you and soothed you before she had you both lay down on the bed, Dyre between you and simply talked over the situation before Freydis gave you the best advice she could about Ivar and his likes and dislikes and his short temper and just general personality. 

“So what’s in the bowls?” She asked after you seemed to stabilize after you both made a vow to the other. She vowed she would never harm you or Dyre and you vowed you would never usurp her or come between her and Ivar and would always show her deference which pleased her greatly. 

“Oh, medicine for Ivar. I have balm of Gilead and milk of poppy. Ivar seems he’s in pain all the time, I was going to try to see if I can ease it some.” you answered as you got up and showed it to her.

“How did you get these?” Freydis asked in awe. She herself, being queen had heard of these but had never gotten to see them in person before. 

“The milk of poppy I collected myself, where I was before I came here, poppies grew wild all over. We were close to the silk road and the doctors traveling revealed what it was and always paid me and my family in gold and spices for it.” You explained before you talked about the balm of Gilead or tiger balm as it was known in the far east. 

“Are you a healer?” Freydis realized you seemed to know your medicinal herbs. 

“Yeah, sort of.” You nodded. 

“Then we’re double blessed to have you.” Freydis smiled fondly. 

“Thank you. I actually have some spices I was going to give to the kitchen.” You revealed as you showed her the other bowls on your table before she took Dyre from you so you could deliver said spices to the kitchen. 

Ivar watched on curiously as he noted how you and Freydis were both making efforts to get along and become friends. He was hoping that both of your naturally sweet natures would mesh well. When he was informed that you had spices that you gifted the kitchens and that the meal that night would be especially good, that pleased him even more. 

Freydis sat you down across from her with herself sitting on Ivar’s right with you sitting on his left and Freydis did her best to make sure you were as comfortable as possible, talking about your family and your adventure in coming to Kettegat- looking for Bjorn and how you managed to labor on a boat all by yourself before you revealed how you had labored in the water and how there was a pod of dolphins that surrounded you and used their sonar to help you deliver with much less pain than than you guessed would be normal because in your time, this was actually a fairly common practice as Freydis and Ivar were stunned as Ivar announced you had clearly been gifted and blessed by the gods to only have good fortune. When the meal ended, you nursed Dyre before handing him off to Freydis so that you could “attend to Ivar”. 

“Before we lay together, there is something I would like to do first.” You proposed to Ivar who looked at you curiously. 

“I have balm of Gilead, also known as tiger balm in the far east. I would like to massage you with it, to see if it would help ease you.” You proposed as his eyebrows rose in surprise as you showed him the balm which he sniffed curiously before he made a face, not exactly liking the smell at first as he looked at you warily. 

“I will be just as naked as you will be when I do so that you can hopefully relax.” You added before he seemed to be appeased by that before you got naked first and then helped him take the braces off his legs before you had him lay down on the bed. 

“Where are your stretch marks?” He asked as he looked at your lower belly and didn’t see any. 

Oh shit. Think fast!

“I don’t have any because the moment I started to show I put oil on my belly, the oil helped my belly to grow without getting the marks.” You answered before you grabbed at a bottle of olive oil and showed it to him before you sat down on one side of him and started to simply massage his hand and arm which helped him to relax. 

“Where did you learn this?” Ivar asked as he gestured to your massaging hands with his other arm. 

“The wife of a doctor gave me a massage in return for payment for the milk of poppy a few times. It was the most wonderful experience. I simply imitate it.” You answered with a shrug before you worked up his arm, letting his hand rest on your waist as you did so. 

“Is that why your skin is so soft?” Ivar asked as he traced little circles with the tips of his fingers on your skin which made you smile while a shiver ran up your spine and the touch gave you goosebumps and your nipples grow erect which made Ivar grin to see your body react to such a simple touch from him.  

“Yes.” You nodded before you were done with that arm and stood up on your knees and went to step over his abdomen before his hands went to your waist and forced you to sit on his belly which got you to blush but you obeyed his silent command and started working on his other arm as his other hand stroked down your waist and your thigh as he simply looked up at you and watched you work on him before you simply started to massage his pecks and his shoulders as you locked gazes. You were surprised yet relieved when his gaze was soft, if not lidded and started to grow heated and when he seemed to be satisfied with your rubbing he gently took your waist and moved your pelvis back which you complied and found him hard and his head seeping with precum at your butt before you spread your legs wider to open yourself up before you seated yourself onto him and started to ride him. Slowly at first to get a feel for him. He was thicker than Bjorn but not quite as long. 

“You’re blushing.” Ivar stated as his hands were digging into your soft hips and guiding you over him. 

“And your eyes are spectacularly blue.” You returned in awed wonder because his eyes were practically glowing before you bent over and kissed him hungrily, your fingertips softly digging into the back of his neck and skull, your fingernails gently scratching his scalp, careful to make sure your hands never crossed over his throat because the last thing you wanted was to break what tiny bit of trust he was giving you- by even for a moment- thinking you were going to try to choke him. But it seemed he enjoyed it as his hands then started to roam your body, squeezing your breasts until milk came out. 

“Careful, you’ll make a mess.” You tried to warn him but your tone was surprisingly playful as your smile was beaming before he pulled your breasts to his mouth to suckle, forcing you to move your whole body up his to accommodate him, his cock sliding out until just the tip remained inside you but the breathy moan spilling from your throat made Ivar grin as he continued to suckle one before kissing the valley between your breasts before suckling on the other as you supported yourself up by your elbows on either side of his head and let him do as he pleased with you. You surprised yourself with how willing you had been to receive all of his affections, even though your heart accused you of enjoying all of this too much but that Calm had done it’s work and the guilt wasn’t heavy because of it so you stamped it down. This was just sex. This was a way to gain his trust and confidence and a way to blow off steam for you. This didn’t mean anything...right? It was just a human activity. That’s all. 

But oh, when he released your breasts with his mouth and grabbed your waist and moved you to seat yourself to the hilt, you gasped in delight and moaned in pleasure as your eyes closed in serenity. Surprisingly he was using his stomach to push up into you as his hold on your waist and hips forced you down as you started to ride him harder and with more zeal and enthusiasm. 

“Oh by the gods.” You whined as you placed your hands on his chest to steady you and really threw yourself into this. Fuck. This was good, this was better than you thought it would be. You were going to cum if he kept this up. 

“Ivar...I’m…” you tried to warn him as you opened your eyes and looked down at him with lidded eyes and a tortured bliss expression on your face and now he was looking up at you with the most earth shattering intensity, it almost made you want to shrink back, but instead it emboldened you to give him your all as he started to hiss and grunt through gritted teeth because he was getting dangerously close himself but his ego forbade himself from cumming yet. If he could get the two most beautiful women he had ever known to their peaks, even with his “hinderances” that would be an achievement. 

It wasn’t long after before your orgams seemed to snap and then flood, your voice reaching a delicious high as his name fell from your lips, you mentally had to make sure it was Ivar’s name, not Bjorn’s. Ivar would probably throw you into a wall if you said Bjorn’s name right now. And Ivar pushed up into one last time as his body tensed and stayed in that position for a few long moments as his face screwed up for a moment as he held his breath as he released himself deep inside you before he went lax and fought to catch his breath. 

“Wow.” You panted as you fought to catch yours too. That was...great actually. 

You got off of him and pushed him to roll over. 

“What are you doing?” Ivar asked as he paused and was hesitant to do so. 

“You interrupted my massage with sex, I wasn’t done yet.” You explained with a bright smile. 

“Oh, well then by all means.” He chuckled as he took a pillow and put it under his chest so he could lay on his belly which gave you access to his back and immediately started groaning and moaning when you sat on his butt and worked on his back. 

You worked on him until he fell asleep and once you were sure he was out, you quickly did a biometrics scan of him. 

“Jesus,” you breathed when you read it over before you got off of him and helped him roll over before you went to get Dyre back from Freydis. 

“So?” Freydis asked as she was half asleep with Dyre sleeping peacefully on her chest as she was propped up by pillows. Part of her was jealous that your baby was what Ivar really wanted but she couldn’t bring herself to blame the baby, if anything she felt such a strong pull towards it and she would be happy to coparent with you and would probably dote on him as if he was Baldr himself. 

“Whew, you are one lucky woman, wow.” You giggled as you got Dyre back which got her to snort a laugh. 

“We’re both lucky then.” Freydis answered even though that stung her heart a bit but she stamped that down for your sake. 

“My bed is big enough for three.” You offered as you hesitated in leaving her. 

“Are you sure?” She asked. 

“Come on, he’s out, I’ll let you get the right, and I’ll get the left.” You nodded towards your room before she got up and followed you back to your room and you got in on one side while she got in on the other and both of you cuddled into Ivar’s sides with both of you using his arms as your pillows before she soon dozed off too. Once you were sure she was out, you broke out your mini twilla from your wrist and set it up before you used it to put you under to create a dream world and created projections of possible children and dressed yourself and Freydis in proper queenly attire and made both of you about six months pregnant and all of the kids in appropriate clothes and made sure to program your children’s projections and then brought Freydis and Ivar into the dream before you “woke” them up by placing Ivar outside his own home, carrying a bag of treasures as you prompted him to want to go into his own house as you primed Freydis up with her own “children” a few sons and two daughters while you gave yourself the same. 

“I’m home!” Ivar called out as he came into his house before all the kids came running at him. 

“Daddy!” They all shrieked and giggled as they all came bounding up and did actually knock him down and tackle him with their little hugs and kisses as Ivar was nearly crying and so happy to hug and hold all of his kids, perfect little mixes of himself, Freydis and Astrid as you and Freydis both came up, both of you giggling while both of you grinned happily and proudly at the scene. 

“Ok, you gotta let Daddy up.” You softly urged the kids who tried to help their dad to at least sit up before you and Freydis helped him stand up. 

“Did you bring us presents?” Dalla asked as she eyed his satchel excitedly and bounced in place her curls acting like springs around her little head as her bright turquoise eyes shined bright. 

“Well that depends, were you good for your mothers?” Ivar returned as they all nodded yes emphatically before Ivar looked at both Freydis and yourself to either confirm or deny it before you both nodded yes. 

“Alvis has gotten really good at his swordsmanship since you’ve been gone. He’s been practicing every day and Dyre has too, after you get some food in you, you should watch them.” You informed him proudly as both boys preened and puffed up their chests with pride and gave their father bright, smiles, despite their few missing teeth because they were loosing their baby teeth in favor of their adult teeth now. 

“And Bergthor has been working on his archery, he can split a hair at 50 paces now.” Freydis added as you coded that into his projection from behind your back. 

“Really?! That’s great boys!.” Ivar congratulated his sons. 

“You’re just in time for lunch My Love.” Freydis said as she could smell the scent of the large lunch wafting into the living room from the kitchen before Ivar turned and took a seat at the head of the table as his kids crowded around him and clamored to sit as close to him as they could with his youngest daughters each getting a knee to sit on as they took the loaves of bread that had just been placed on the table and dipped the torn pieces into the butter and the honey before they took turns feeding their father as yourself and Freydis sat down and started eating the bread too before the rest of the decadent meal was brought in as you and Freydis caught Ivar up on what had been happening in Kattegat since he was gone on the raid he had just returned from as his sons eagerly asked how many enemies he had slaughtered and how much fortune he had won which prompted him to open his bag to reveal the treasures as Ivar seemed to choose which child should receive what before he handed Dyre and Bergthor necklaces for you and Freydis which the boys readily put on your necks as all the girls put on the new bracelets which were just a little too big for their wrists but they were equally happy to just have their daddy back. 

After lunch the boys showed off their new fighting skills with each other as Ivar watched with a keen eye and ready constructive criticism for them which they were happy to receive as Bergthor was happy that he actually put a strand of his mother Freydis’ hair into the target which really impressed everyone before you had them all get on their horses and ponies to show off their riding skills in the riding pen which Ivar was proud to see too as Freydis and yourself stole into his sides so the three of you could keep your eyes on all the kids as Ivar noted how the girls especially were getting really good at riding their ponies as the boys had graduated from the ponies to the horses. 

You let Freydis and Ivar sneak away to “reconnect” first as you stayed with the kids in the yard with the other thralls and once he was done, Freydis came and traded places with you for you could reconnect with Ivar too because it had been a long six months without him. You and Freydis had started to conceive within weeks of each other after you joined the family because you used your knowledge of it to your advantage. 

“So what do you think you’re having this time? Ivar asked as he sat up and kissed your pregnant belly with adoration and excitement. Now stretch marks were like tiger stripes on your belly and Freydis’. 

“Honestly I think we’re having another girl.” You informed him. 

“Well we already have three sons, another girl would even them out.” Ivar shrugged. 

“Well with as active as she has been so far, I think Disa would be a fitting name.” You revealed. 

“Spirited is she?” Ivar grinned proudly. 

“Very, she’ll be a shield maiden for sure.” You giggled before you cued up the baby to start kicking like crazy as Ivar watched and felt the kicks in awed wonder. “Well it always makes me happy to come home from a good raid to find I’ve left something behind.” Ivar hinted. 

“Two somethings this time, I think Freydis and I are just happy to have you back, we all are.” You giggled as you put your hand on your belly and continued to feel the kicks. 

“Lucky me.” Ivar laughed. 

“Yes, twice over.” You agreed before you pushed him to lay back. 

“Now, I don’t know about you but it’s been a very long six months for me and I’ve missed you like crazy.” You insisted before you impaled yourself on him and rode him with gusto and once both of you were satisfied you got dressed in your finer clothes and went to the Great Hall for dinner where a feast had been laid out and once you and Freydis had eaten both of you were still riding the high of having Ivar home as you both danced as your daughters imitated both of you in your twirls with the drum beats as Ivar watched on with happiness and pride, both nearly causing his heart to burst because for once, he didn’t feel any pain in his body or anger in his heart. Just calm and happiness, he still wasn’t used to it. Even after all these years. But he was getting there. 

Ivar fell asleep in the dream with you on his left side in the bed with Freydis on the right, both of you laying your heads on his shoulders and curled into him as his arms were under your necks as his hands stroked your sides as he simply basked in the happy glow of being surrounded by the women who loved him who were carrying the perfect children he always dreamed of and that everything was perfect now that he was back home after stamping down what would hopefully be some of the last of any uprising against him. He could rest easy now and enjoy his life and his family and all that he had worked so hard for. 

[candyshua]

Intertwined | Chapter Three - Bad Timing

Kim Mingyu was your best friend, your knight in shining armor, your crush, your everything. But sadly, you were not his.

After getting his girlfriend pregnant in his fourth year of college, the two of them moved away to America after graduation. And then, you were all alone.

Meet Yoon Jeonghan, your current best friend. An aspiring video game designer, he has been your rock for 5 years. He helped you through so much drama. You would be surprised to learn that he was madly in love with you. What happens when Mingyu comes back to Korea?

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 2,733

Warnings: Foul Language, drunkenness, suggestive language.

Everything was falling into place, for once in your life. Work was fine, and your side-hobby of singing was also fine. Your view had gotten about 500 views within two weeks, and even some comments! People were complimenting you, and it felt good. You had decided to make a new video.

Something you hadn’t noticed, however, was that Mingyu had not passed your mind once these past two weeks. You had postponed your trip with Jeonghan, mainly because you got busy with work. You would go this weekend instead.

It was Tuesday, and you weren’t waiting for the week to end anymore. Albeit you were excited, you allowed yourself to relish in your newfound contentment. No, you weren’t happy, not quite yet, but you were getting there.

Things felt great. Clarity had returned to your life, and now everything wasn’t just one hazy mess. After work, you had decided to go to a local cafe in the heart of Seoul, since you were in desperate need for a coffee. You had a project you wanted to finish that night, so a coffee would really hit the spot.

After ordering and sitting down, you heard the bell attached to the door ring, signalling a new customer walking in. You wouldn’t have even looked up, things would’ve been completely and utterly fine, but you heard his voice.

Mingyu’s voice.

His voice was extremely distinguishable. You would recognize it anywhere.

So, you looked up. Low and behold, there stood the 6’2 giant that you were once in love with. He looked...great.

His hair was black, which you weren’t used to. He always had it dyed some cool color.

He wore a blue t-shirt, which showed off his toned arms. He looked much more muscular than the last time you saw him. He even had a bit of a stubble, which shocked you beyond belief.

Then, it hit you. It was like being slapped in the face by reality.

You were seeing Mingyu, your childhood best friend, your first love, again. For the first time in over five years.

The air from your lungs had dissipated. You couldn’t breathe, so you elicited a huge gasp, which caused him to look your way.

The moment you had locked eyes, you knew you were done for. All of those feelings that you had suppressed throughout the years of not seeing him came back in one huge tidal wave. The love, hatred, resentment, adoration, everything. The feelings consumed you, and you didn’t know if you’d ever be able to feel anything ever again.

Then, he smiled. It was a sad smile, but he still wore a grin. Okay, you would feel again.

He walked over to you, with apprehensive and wide eyes. “Y/N.” He had stated, his voice as soft and silky as honey, and you wanted to collapse into yourself.

You internally debated on what to say, whether it would be a simple greeting or an insult.

“Long time no see.” You whispered, feeling a lump in your throat starting to form, because oh my god, it was Mingyu.

He was here, right in front of you. In the flesh. You wanted to cry, no, scratch that, sob.

Mingyu sat down at the table, right across from you. After the two of you basked in an unsettling silence for a bit, you broke.

“What the fuck!” Was all you could murmur, bringing yourself to bury your face in your hands.

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu said, with nothing but sheer emotion protruding from his tone. What the hell were you supposed to say? It was fine? It wasn’t fucking fine!

“Just explain this to me.” You demanded, your tone thickening. Authority soon consumed you, as you fixed your posture and gave Mingyu a confused scowl.

Mingyu looked a little lost. He had expected you to cry and laugh, he had expected you to be in a glorious state. Instead, you looked really fucking pissed.

“I’m back, Y/N. Isn’t that enough?” Mingyu asked with a wince in his tone.

“Stop spewing bullshit and tell me why you’re back!” You shouted, calling attention from the workers and the two other customers that were there. You didn’t care though, you just wanted to know what the fuck was going on.

“Jieun and I divorced, okay? She decided to move back to Korea with Junghoon, and I came back because I didn’t want to be away from him.”

“Junghoon?” You mumbled.

“My son.”

Oh. Suddenly, pain poured into your heart. It was like an overflowing dam, and it turned into a waterfall. You were being attacked by grief and confusion, wanting nothing else but to wake up and redo this entire day.

If you were able to redo the entire day, you wouldn’t have come to this stupid cafe. It would’ve been fine.

“Were you even going to text me? Call me? Let me know that you were back?” You asked, feeling

your icy exterior crumble. The authority and power you had once possessed was crumbling before your very eyes.

“Of course! I still have your number.” Mingyu reassured, but you only felt the overwhelming forlorn feelings in your heart deepen.

“Then why didn’t you call me?” You mumbled, earning a lost puppy look from Mingyu. You got him there.

Mingyu had a very cut and dry reason, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell you.

Not yet, at least.

“I just...couldn’t.” Mingyu murmured, and you scoffed while crossing your arms.

“I gotta go.” You bitterly spewed, huffing a breath of frustrated air. Mingyu debated letting you go. Yet, out of intuition, he grabbed your wrist and looked up at you with pleading eyes.

“Please.” He said. That was all he needed to say, with that one sad word he made you crumble.

“Let’s go to my place. I don’t want to cause an even bigger scene.”

-

You had expected the walk back to be awkward, but it wasn'’t. You grew up together, you knew one another. You would travel to Seoul, coming from Anyang-si almost every weekend together. You two had a few friends in the city as well, so it was an enjoyable time.

One night, he had refused to let you walk to your friend’s house by yourself. You didn’t want to be a burden, but you were a bit tipsy and it was late at night. You remember how your heart swelled when he just grabbed your hand and walked you to your friend’s house. You two were silent the entire time. The only thing that could be heard was the beat of your heart.

“Mingyu,” You began, while you two walked down the streets you grew up on, “how the hell did you get by in the States?”

“What?” Mingyu asked, dumbfounded, but a little bit offended.

“You sucked at English.” You deadpanned, and it resulted in a huge laugh from Mingyu’s end. You let yourself bask in the smooth sound of his laugh, since it was the first time in over five years that you have heard it. You couldn’t help but laugh a little too.

“I studied a lot when I was there. We were in New York, so there were some ESL classes for Koreans.” Mingyu explained. You looked up at him, your skin being illuminated by the city lights and moon.

Mingyu thought you had looked beautiful. He felt the familiar twinge in his heart settle back in, the twinge that signified that he could never have you.

-

You two had finally arrived at your apartment. You had made more small talk on the way, but now it was time for the truth to be unravelled.

You both sat down on your plain couch, but not before you got a beer for him and you. “So,” You began, fiddling with your fingers.

“I missed you so much.” Mingyu blurted, resulting in a dumbfounded look on your part. You had never expected him to tell you that, mainly because you felt unwanted. You were pushed aside, because Mingyu had somebody else.

But you, you had Mingyu.

“Gyu…” You croaked, feeling the pace of your heart quicken when he shifted slightly close to you. You felt 18 again. The familiar feeling of being so helplessly in love with somebody that would never love you back rose to the surface again. You had expected to hate it, but you didn’t. You were already very well acquainted with unrequited love, so it didn’t hurt as much anymore.

“Y/N,” Mingyu began, “remember when we went away? Right before I left?”

“Well, kind of. I was drunk most of the time.” You said, cowering in embarrassment.

“Exactly. So you don’t remember confessing to me, do you?”

What?

What did he just say? No, that couldn’t be. That couldn’t possibly fucking be. You would remember that, wouldn’t you? You would remember some a monumental and important moment from your youth!

Mingyu remembers the moment like it was yesterday. The two of you were outside, on the front porch of the beach house your parents owned. They had let you two go down to their beach house for a week over the summer, since they couldn’t afford to bring you anywhere else that summer. They were struggling financially.

Graduation was close. You would both be full functioning adults soon. No more staying at your parent’s house, you would be making lives for yourselves in the real world.

On your nth drink, you walked outside to the front yard, finding a hammock to settle in. Mingyu amusedly watched you fumble with the seemingly foreign device, and soon he heard a plop. You had fallen, and Mingyu was laughing uncontrollably at this point.

He jogged over to where you lied. You giggled drunkenly, basking in the smooth grass of the front yard. “Hey Gyu!” You greeted, smiling profusely.

“Hey, Y/N!” Mingyu mimicked. This was something Mingyu absolutely adored about you, your drunk side. You were absolutely adorable when drunk, and you were entertaining as well. You were just yon amplified when drunk.

Soon, the two of you were lying in the hammock, swinging softly. You lied your head on Mingyu’s chest, feeling your heartbeat pump at its maximum rate. It was an intimate and lovely moment, being able to be entangled with Mingyu like that. You even forgot that he had a girlfriend, and you pretended he was yours, even if it was just for a little bit.

“Mingyu…” You slurred, causing his eyebrows to raise in curiosity.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” You lamented.

“I love you too, you big dummy.” Mingyu giggled.

“No, you even bigger dummy, I love you. I’m in love with you. Whenever I see you, I get happy. But then I’ll remember that I’m not yours, and you’re not mine, and then I get really fucking sad.”

“What?” Mingyu croaked. At this point, you were standing up, watching him lie down on the hammock. Despite being the one in the vulnerable state, you felt bigger. Stronger.

“And whenever you bring a new girlfriend around, it really fucking hurts! I know you’ll never love me like that, and I’ve known that ever since high school. Yes, high school, when I first fell in love with you. It’s been years, Gyu, fucking years. It’s like I’m being sucked into this huge black hole, and--”

You were interrupted with Mingyu’s lips crashing on yours. Had you expected it? No, of course not! But did you enjoy it? Hell yes!

You immediately reciprocated the kiss, even if you were in a drunken shocked state. You felt the electricity you always felt around Mingyu multiply by the millions, and the feeling of his hands on your body only excited you.

You were melting under his touch, you were nimble and controllable, but you liked it that way.

Mingyu soon pulled away, resulting in you frowning.

“I liked it.” Mingyu whispered.

“What?” You blurted.

“The fucking kiss, Y/N! I liked it. No, I fucking loved it! Shit! I have a girlfriend, Y/N. Why now?” Mingyu rambled, and you just confusedly stood there, feeling tears start to well in your eyes.

“You know what? You’re really drunk. Just go to bed, alright?” Mingyu said, and all you could do was nod in drowsiness. You stumbled all the way to your bedroom, and you didn’t know if you were more drunk on alcohol or if you were more drunk on Mingyu’s lips.

-

“You mean...I said that to you? All of that?” You murmured, completely and utterly dumbfounded. Not only that, you felt humiliated and extremely anxious.

And then it had sunk in. That night, Mingyu had kissed you. He kissed you.

“Jieun’s pregnancy was just really bad timing. If she had never of gotten pregnant, who the fuck knows what would’ve happened?”

“Yeah,” You began, “who knows?”

The silence between the two of you was thick and tense. You felt like vomiting after hearing Mingyu’s story.

“Did you, um...Did you love me back?” You whispered, biting your lip apprehensively.

“Yes, I did. I mean, do.” Mingyu answered, scratching the back of his neck.

You nodded, letting his words sink in. He was still in love with you.

“Why did you get divorced?” You asked. You knew the answer, you had just wanted to hear him say it.

“Because I was still in love with you.”

There we go. Bingo. Those words made you feel relieved and burdened at the same time. You were the reason that a marriage fell apart, and said couple did have a kid together…

But on the other hand, the man you were in love with for years had loved you back. Reality wasn’t always a slap in the face. Sometimes it was a firm pat on the back, congratulating you. This was your reality, and you didn’t exactly know how to deal with it.

You really wanted to kiss him. But something deep inside of you was stopping you.

And then soon, you thought of him. Of Jeonghan. Why would he stop you of all people? Wouldn’t he encourage this? He had set you up with people before, but for some reason, it felt different now.

And to think, if you hadn’t gone to that stupid fucking coffee shop today…

“I think you should go.” You suggested. Mingyu’s face fell immediately.

“W-why?” He questioned.

“Because I need time, Gyu. I need a lot of fucking time, because it has been five years, and you got divorced because of me, and you have a fucking son named Junghoon, and--need I say anymore? Because we both changed! And we can’t go back to the way things were, because we’re not young anymore, Gyu. We’re getting old, and we can’t live our lives based on one childhood fantasy!” You yelled. You had expected to leave Mingyu speechless, but unlike him, he retaliated.

“It wasn’t a fucking childhood fantasy, Y/N! It was us, it is us. We don’t have any time to waste, do we? So let’s just fucking do this!”

“Just go home, Gyu.”

He looked at you with angry eyes, but he would do anything to appease to you.

So, he was about to walk out the door, but then you let your impulses control you, like you’ve never done before. You always thought your way through things, never taking huge risks or living on the edge. But now? Fuck it, where the hell has thinking and living on the safe side of life gotten you?

You grabbed Mingyu’s wrist, turned him around, and fervorously pressed your lips against his. You pulled away after a minute of heated kissing, and both of you were blushing.

“Can you go home now?” You smiled weakly.

Mingyu nodded eagerly, and soon he was out of your apartment, and there you were, all by yourself. Now you only had your thoughts to listen to, not Mingyu’s silky smooth voice.

And then suddenly, you had wanted to call Jeonghan.

You then checked the time, and realized it was 1 AM. You and Jeonghan both had work the next day, so you decided not to bother him.

The excitement was over. Now you had to relish in the reality of what just happened. You loved Mingyu, sure.

But, for some reason, your head wasn’t so sure of it. Because you couldn’t help feeling guilty when you thought of Jeonghan.

You had a lot of shit to sort out.

[afsanaas]

𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒅𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒂 𝑬𝒉𝒔𝒂𝒏...

Hello everyone, I’ve reached out to a lot of guys to plot so I figured it would be best to provide from background on Sana! Here is her very much extended bio (I had to force myself to condense things down for my application cause I realized just how long it was considering I’m adapting her from a previous character of mine). ALSO quick apology for the use of gif icons, there are not a lot of resources for Kriti available so I made a bunch of her gifs a while back and they are all icons so I’m a little stuck in that regard!

tw: emotional abuse, miscarriage, mention of death in the family

UPBRINGING

The daughter of two Muslim Indian immigrants, Sana was four years old when she came to the US. Chasing the American dream in hopes of building a better life her father had already been in Jersey when he married her mother, working on putting down roots, and gaining citizenship before he was able to have his wife and daughter move over with him. Though they made a home in the US, her parents never quite embraced America, or it’s culture. They kept themselves closed off from integration in the community they lived in, opting to only associate with other Indian muslims they either knew from back home or shared some kind of distant connection with.

The cultural barriers aside, they saw their religion as something that set them apart from others we well, never realizing that they have come to this country for the chance to gain acceptance, and to escape religious persecution. It wasn’t that they never experience bigotry, but the fact that they also experiences immense love and support from their neighbors but yet refused to embrace these positives that always bothered Sana.

It was because of this her life was always a struggle between who she was becoming, and who her parents wanted her to be. They failed to see that while they may not consider themselves to be American, she did. English was her first language, all her friends at school were people from different ethnic backgrounds, her diverse education meant she understood the fundamental need for acceptance.

As she grew older and really began to understand herself, she realized that she didn’t believe in their god, she simply didn’t believe in any god. She found the cultural norms her family followed to be oppressive, and at times suffocating yet there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Her family, and extended family, and family friends were so deeply entangled in her life that were she to say anything at all, just like that everyone she knew and cared for would distance themselves from her. She’d be ostracized, so really the only choice she has as a young adult was to keep on pretending.

No matter how much of herself she had to hide from those who were the closest to her, no matter how much doing so hurt her. She didn’t realize it at the time but she was spiraling into this endless pit of depression and anxiety.

EDUCATION

One thing her parents did value highly like most parents was the value of education. Her parents were not given the opportunities to be well educated and that’s why they brought their kids to America so that they would have those opportunities. So doing well was an expected, and school was after all her only reprieve so she put her all into it. She was a natural leader in school, involved in many extracurriculars, academic related as well as track and field, she was the first person to raise her hand in class if she knew something, and also if she required clarification not letting anyones opinion of her get in the way of her learning. As well as she did in high school it wasn’t a surprise she was able to get nearly a full ride to the college of her choice. However her choice did have to be within the approved radius of her parents choosing. Northwestern, up in Evanston was a stretch for them, but after weeks of pleading, and bargaining they agreed but only after getting her to agree to allow them to start looking for marriage prospects for her. This was something she knew was coming and had been dreading but at the time she figured it was just a matter of saying yes to get to go to the school of her dreams.

ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Never had she thought saying yes would mean they’d find someone for her in less than a year of her starting college. He was a friend of a friends son, a computer software engineer doing well for himself, living in Lincoln Park. For her parents it was perfect match, it was a family they knew well, and a guy who was financially stable, not more than a decade older than her even just twenty seven while she was barely twenty. He and his family seemed open minded, and were willing to allow her to continue to pursue her degree even after marriage, how could it be anymore perfect? And like every other thing she’s ever wanted in her life, the choice was out of her hands because it was a choice of choosing herself and her own happiness over her family. Not able to leave behind her family she reluctantly agreed after meeting the guy a couple of times. He seemed fine, there was no spark there but he seemed kind, and understanding she could definitely do worse she told herself.

Unfortunately what she failed to realized before agreeing to it all was a marriage among her community was not between a man and a woman but the two families, so very intimately involved in all their business. The plan had been to live with his parents for one year before finding their own place and building their own home, however a couple months in she could tell that was not happening. Slowly everything became harder, she felt suffocated in her relationship and under the burden of responsibilities that had fallen on her shoulders all while she was desperately trying to keep up with college, already having had to take a three quarter sabbatical. Everyday was a struggle, whether that be with her husband, her mother in law, or her bratty sister in law. She was emotionally and soon physically becoming so strained that it showed on her face, something her mother in law never failed to point out to her.

The worst thing to have happened at that point in her life was for her to become pregnant. And even worst for her husband under the instance of his mother to have tampered with her birth control (that his mother had never been happy she was taking). The pregnancy was they last straw for her however, she could not get an abortion or rather they would not let her. It was like she was trapped in a sick soap opera a cycle of abuse she had no way of escaping. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone when she miscarried, from how stressed and unhealthy she’d become in this period, no joy in her at all from the child growing inside of her. Of course she was tormented endlessly for it, her MIL having succeeded in placing a permanent wedge in her marriage, and leaving her completely isolated in her own home.

DIVORCE

Slowly she mustered up the courage then to return to college after the two years that had been wasted, it was this act of reclaiming control of her life that eventually gave her courage to get out of that toxic marriage against the will of everyone in her life. They all wanted her to compromise, give it time, try harder, but she was done trying to suppress herself for the benefit of others. She not only got her divorce but also dragged his ass to court, something no woman in her community had ever done. She get penance for her emotional trauma she suffered while in the marriage, the court ruling in her favor and ordering him to pay for the rest of her college expenses. This gave her some peace to focus her energy in earning a livable wage to support herself, she was not going to be returning to her parents home, or depending on anyone else for that matter. Soon everything was back on track she was living by herself in the city completing her bachelors and then going on to law school.

PLANS DERAILED ONCE AGAIN

Finally living her life on her own terms deciding what kind of person she wanted to be, figuring out what she believed in. College was fairly easy without any distractions holding her back. What she didn’t expect two years into law school was that her father would get a heart attack caused by her little sister getting pregnant out of wedlock. Already a heart patient who’d suffered from two minor strokes prior to this incident his heart gave out when this happened. And she found herself picking up the pieces of a family that had caused her so much pain and set her on a path of misery. After fathers passing she not only assumed the responsibility of caring after her mother and two sisters, but also the financial burden he left behind in the form of the money he’d borrowed from a crime family. 

ENTER RAFAL KOVALI

The stress of the thousands of dollars she’d inherited in debt was crippling for her, she was barely making ends meet and finishing school. It was a point in life when she was quite done with being in constant struggle to stay afloat, she wanted nothing more than a reprieve from it all. She wanted to get ahead of it, not someday, not in a few years, but now. It was then that she met Rafal Kovali, not a knight in shining armour by any stretch of the imagination but a king in his own right with midas’ touch, someone with more than enough means to lift her out of the toxic cycle of debt and despair she was trapped in.

Even despite her less than gracious introduction to him when she hadn’t a clue who he was by some miracle he seemed to be drawn to her, her beauty a factor but also her spirited nature.  She was tough, she’d had to be growing up against the odds with no one in her corner, she’d done the whole demure dignified thing and it had gotten her nowhere, she was done letting life fuck her. She knew he was a powerful man, and once she learned to what extent she decided to make her bed and sleep in it, metaphorically speaking. Her association with the Kovali has provided her for the first time some sense of security and stability, and though she realizes what a fine line she’s walking for the time being she’s willing to gamble with the odds if it means staying afloat, and staying ahead one more day.

Sana does not love the man, sleeping with him is as transactional for her as it was sleeping with her ex-husband. She realizes what that might make her, but growing up with little to no ownership of her body or her own self worth, her current situation is almost empowering. She’s given up on notions of romance she might have had as a teenage girl, she’d put those sentiments to rest the moment she signed her marriage contract years ago. Nor does she feel entirely awful about sleeping with a married man, was it anyone else she most likely would have. As pragmatic as she is she did her research and she knows enough about him and his wife to know they are not good people, in some screwed up way she’s rationalized with herself that their morally reproachable deeds obsolve her from holding any guilt for what she’s doing.

PUTTING UP HIGH WALLS

Given her struggles with herself and nearly every close relationship she’s ever had, Sana has now put up some very high walls around herself. Not allowing anything or anyone to penetrate them and bring her back to the places she’s worked so hard to escape from. She refuses to feel that lost and helpless against another person ever again. While being guarded and protecting herself is something that’s keeping her safe, it’s also holding her back from truly enjoying the freedom she finally has to be herself unapologetically, and keeping her closed off from anyone that might want to get close to her for the right reasons.

ADDITIONAL PLOTS FOR EXPLORATION

No Stopping The Heart -  Sana is very practical about most things, especially so after the end of emotionally trying marriage she’s given up on any notions of romance and a picture perfect life. While her relationship with Rafal is simply advantageous to her, she is not a disloyal person even in a relationship such as theirs. I would be interesting for her to fall for someone else. Currently she is gambling with her life something she is well aware and accepting of. Gambling with her heart however is going to be a much hard pill for her to swallow.

$470.000 Down  -  The precise amount of debt her father had collected, being uninsured and having a major surgery the first time around had been a huge burden and he’d had no choice but to borrow the money to pay for it when the debt collectors began to get particularly nasty, though it was trading one evil for another. And while Rafal may have settled that for her, she very much still sees herself indebted to him.