#Even though Rom-Coms are really not my thing 😂 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elixirfromthestars · 2 months ago

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CAIT! THIS! WAS! SO! ADORABLE! 🥹🩷🩷🩷 You had me smiling the entire time omgggg 🥰 You might’ve just influenced me to buy a lights projector 👀💖

As always, all my reactions under the cut ✉︎ᯓᡣ𐭩

First off, a secret santa, a cheesy Hallmark rom-com, and a yummy Christmas morning breakfast potluck??? Sign me up please!!!! 🥰❤️ I haven’t eaten breakfast yet, so this made me hungry lol 😂🩷

Something I always love about your fics is how you incorporate everyone with all these little details that make it feel so natural and real. Like I read these little things and I’m like yeah Sam would be impatient about finding out his secret santa, Peter snd Sam would be the first to finish eating to get the present exchange started, and oh yeah Nat would totally have the best Christmas wrapping skills. Do I make sense? I hope so 😂🩷

"What'd you get?" Sam asks. You don't respond at first, taking in the packaging of the box. A northern lights projector.

-> Omg, what a cute gift 🥰 (I said before reading the flashback.)

-> OMG ARE YOU KIDDING ME THATS THE SWEETEST GIFT EVER 😭❤️❤️ (I said after reading the flashback)

I don’t even know where to start with this cute little flashback 🥹🩷 The mission moments you write are always so good 🫶🏼💕

Even though he won't say it, you know he wants to see the northern lights as badly as you do. He's made it obvious by the way he glances out the window every so often to check.

You've been hoping that they'd make an appearance for him as much as for yourself. He's technically seen them before - decades ago. But never as himself. Never as Bucky.

^ Brb, I’m going to go cry for a bit 🤧 Never as Bucky?? UGH 😭

As someone who has eaten shit many times with black ice before, I feel her pain 🥲 Black ice is no joke 🤧

You're over three thousand miles from New York, but it doesn't feel like you're far from home at all.

Bucky and you have been mission partners for quite some time now, and he has a way of making you feel like you're at home, no matter where you're actually at. His presence is familiar and comforting - whether you're at the compound, or in a different country, or in Alaska - the familiarity and comfort of home is there, as long as he is.

^ EXCUSE ME? 🥹🩷🩷 HOME IS WHERE HE IS, YES I AGREEEE 😭🩷🩷

The fact that he sprinted inside all excited to tell her about the lights and help her up to go see them, oh Bucky Barnes the man that you are 🥹🩷🩷🩷 And the northern lights in the background was just like the prettiest visual ever 🌌✨

"I'd give anything to be able to see this where we live," you breathe. You glance up at him to find him already looking at you. "Wouldn't you?" You ask him. "I really would."

^ He. Was. Already. Looking. At. Her. Ahhhh, my heart 🥹💗

I love that she got him such a personal gift, and he did too for her because it just speaks so much to how well they know each other 🥺🩷 And the way he switched with Nat, so he could give her the gift cause he was all nervous ahhh 🥹🩷

It had been a fleeting thought when you stared into his eyes under the colorful Alaskan sky - how beautiful it would be to kiss someone under such a serene and mesmerizing sky. How beautiful it would be to kiss him, here. It was a thought that you shoved down, out of fear for crossing a line and making yourself look like an idiot.

It's a thought that is once again at the forefront of your mind, sitting beside him in your bedroom under the imitation aurora. Under the true northern lights, or under your bedroom ceiling in New York - it doesn't matter. You think kissing him would be beautiful anywhere. And so you do.

^ 1000% I agree. A kiss from Bucky anywhere would be beautiful 😌💖💖 Mhm. 😌🩷🩷 And the kiss that follows is such a sweet moment under the projector lights!! 🥹💗💗 And not him asking if that’s was his present 😂❤️

"My ma used to have one just like this," he murmurs in awe. He grabs your hand in his and brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "Thank you. It's perfect."

He turns to place it behind him on your mattress before pulling your face to his once more. It's shorter than the kiss before, but just as tender and sweet. "But just so you know, you could have just given me a kiss, and I would've been just as thrilled."

^ This was so sweet omg 🥺 It probably brought so many memories back for him 🥺🩷 What a way to end it 🤧💕

Cait, you gave us such a beautiful mutual pining/friends to lovers fic and I cannot thank you enough for sharing such lovely stories with us 🥹💖💖 You write friends to lovers so wonderfully and I will always be there to relish every word written 🫶🏼💕

starry eyed

bucky barnes x reader

word count: 3.2k

summary: reader gets a special gift from her secret santa

warnings/tags: mostly just fluff, mutual pining, friends to lovers, avenger!reader, no use of y/n, one minor injury, language, kissing and some sensuality

author's note: short little feel good christmas fic! everyone is alive and happy because i say so. i originally got the idea for this fic last winter, but i hadn't got back into writing at that time. happy that i was able to put it into words finally.

my masterlist

“So, whose name did you draw?”

You shove your hand into an oven mitt, grabbing a large dish out of the oven. Everyone had been assigned to bring a different breakfast food to the Christmas morning potluck.

Sam brought chocolate chip pancakes, Steve brought a shit ton of sausage links, and Sharon brought a giant fruit platter to name a few. You figured that the easiest, cheapest way to help feed a group of a dozen people is a couple tubes of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls.

“That kinda takes the secret out of Secret Santa.”

Bucky leans on the island in the middle of the compound’s kitchen, drinking his second cup of coffee of the morning. His breakfast dish of choice? A sack of two dozen McDonald’s hash browns.

“I was just testing you,” Bucky jokes. “You passed. Do you want to know who got your name?”

“No!” You whack his stomach with the oven mitt and he feigns injury. “I do not. Have I passed all of your tests?”

“I’m proud,” Bucky says after a big gulp of coffee. “You’re stronger than Sam, at least. He’s been asking everyone who drew his name for the last week.”

You roll your eyes. “He does that every year and no one ever tells him.”

Your friends begin filing into the kitchen, everyone grabbing plates and piling them high with all of the food scattered across the island. After making your plate, you retreat to the living room and nestle yourself between Natasha and Sharon on the couch.

Everyone is so occupied with stuffing their faces that there’s hardly any conversation. You halfway pay attention to the Hallmark Christmas rom-com playing on the television as you devour a stack of pancakes and hash browns.

Truthfully, you had hoped to draw Bucky’s name from the hat. You had a gift in mind for him already, and if you’d gotten his name then it would have presented you with the perfect opportunity to give it to him without any pressure for him to give you a gift in return.

You ended up drawing Sharon's name, but you decided to get the present for Bucky, anyway – a vintage tabletop phonograph from the forties that you’d snagged for an incredible deal on eBay. You didn’t put it under the gargantuan Christmas tree with all of the other gifts. It sits in your bedroom, waiting for you to give it to him later today when you’re not surrounded by all of your close friends.

To no one’s surprise, Sam and Peter are the first people to finish eating and immediately begin handing out all of the presents under the tree. You’re still finishing up your breakfast when Peter practically throws a small box wrapped in snowmen print paper towards you.

It's addressed to you, from your Secret Santa. Right off the bat, you’re sure that the gift didn’t come from Natasha – you know how much pride that she puts into gift wrapping. Not that this gift is wrapped poorly, but compared to Natasha’s typically extravagant bows, you’re confident that she wasn't the one who wrapped this present.

You also notice that the handwriting appears to be more on the masculine side. It looks familiar, though you can’t say with confidence who it belongs to.

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Sam says loudly enough to quiet all the chatter going on. “No one would spoil my gift for me and I’m getting impatient.”

You and Bucky share a knowing glance and eye roll at his words. He sits in a recliner directly across from you, holding the gift from his own Secret Santa.

“I’ll go first,” you offer excitedly, giving the box in your lap a small shake that gives nothing away.

You carelessly tear at the wrapping paper until it’s in pieces by your feet on the floor.

“What’d you get?” Sam asks.

You don’t respond at first, taking in the packaging of the box.

A northern lights projector.

You feel warmth spread across your cheeks and you can’t help but smile down at the gift in your hands, no longer having any doubt about who this gift came from.

One Month Ago

“These Spaghettios expired a couple weeks ago. Do you think we should risk it?”

You stand in the small kitchen of the Alaskan safe house, rifling through the limited options in the pantry. Some instant oatmeal packets, a few cans of Beanee Weenees, and the aforementioned expired Spaghettios are tonight’s dinner choices.

You can’t say you’re surprised – you’ve been doing this job for a while, and poorly stocked safe houses are pretty much the standard in this line of work. It doesn't help that this is the fifth night that you and Bucky have spent in this particular safe house, and you've eaten through all of the better options at this point.

“If you want to risk getting food poisoning in addition to that sprained ankle, then you go for it. I'll be sticking to the oatmeal.” Bucky reaches around you, grabbing a packet of maple and brown sugar oatmeal from the shelf that you stand in front of.

He's right. The oatmeal is the safest option.

One more night of this, you remind yourself. Tomorrow night, you'd be back in the comfort of your room, where you can DoorDash Chinese food.

You sigh, grabbing the remaining packet of oatmeal.

“You know, I wouldn't even mind the food situation nearly as much if I could just see the lights. Five nights here and nothing,” you grumble.

It’s your first time in Alaska, and you had high hopes for being able to see the northern lights. Each night so far, after long days of recon, you’ve stayed up past the point of exhaustion checking to see if they’re visible.

So far, the weather had been nothing but rainy and dreary, making the sky close to impossible to see at night. The clouds finally let up some today, but you've still seen no hint of an aurora. Just inky blackness, a crescent moon, and a steady downpour of snow that began a few hours ago.

“You could always get one of those projectors,” he teases with a shrug. “Northern lights, galaxies, constellations… all right there on your bedroom ceiling.”

Even though he won’t say it, you know he wants to see the northern lights as badly as you do. He's made it obvious by the way he glances out the window every so often to check.

You’ve been hoping that they’d make an appearance for him as much as for yourself. He's technically seen them before – decades ago. But never as himself. Never as Bucky.

“Those are neat,” you agree glumly. “I've just always wanted to see them in person. Kinda a bucket list thing.”

Getting to witness them with him would be the cherry on top, but you don’t add that part.

Bucky insists that you sit down on the couch and ice your ankle while he prepares the instant oatmeal for the two of you. You’re too tired to protest, so you retreat to the sofa and flip through the limited number of channels on the old TV with your foot propped up.

Fucking black ice. The last day of this mission and everything had gone swimmingly up until you slipped on a patch of clear ice earlier today, twisting your ankle.

You’re just thankful that it happened in front of Bucky, and not Sam. You can only imagine the teasing that would have ensued if it had been Sam that saw you eat shit.

The two of you eat by the warmth of the dwindling fire while watching a Seinfeld re-run.

You’re over three thousand miles from New York, but it doesn’t feel like you’re far from home at all. Bucky and you have been mission partners for quite some time now, and he has a way of making you feel like you’re at home, no matter where you’re actually at. His presence is familiar and comforting – whether you’re at the compound, or in a different country, or in Alaska – the familiarity and comfort of home is there, as long as he is.

“I’m gonna go get some more wood for the fire before bed,” Bucky says when he finishes scarfing down his food. You give him a quick nod, your mouth still crammed full of oatmeal. “You stay here and try not to sprain anything else,” he teases with a glance at your foot that’s elevated on the coffee table in front of you.

You shoot him an obscene gesture once his back is to you. “You act like my leg got cut off,” you grumble as he exits the house.

No more than ten seconds pass before you hear him call your name from beyond the front door. You look over your shoulder with wide eyes and he all but sprints back into the house with an animated expression.

“What? What is it?”

“The lights. They’re visible,” he exclaims. He walks over to the couch, taking your bowl from you and sitting it on the end table next to you before you can process what’s happening. He offers his flesh hand to you in an attempt to help you up.

“Holy shit, really? You better not be messing with me.” You push yourself up off the couch, momentarily forgetting all about your ankle.

“I’m not messing with you,” he snorts. “Come see for yourself.”

Bucky wraps his arm around your waist and you throw yours over his shoulder, helping you walk to the porch without putting too much pressure on your injured foot. You lean into him, his body heat providing a nice reprieve from the night air as you step outside.

You don’t pull away, and neither does he.

Side by side, you stare up at the seemingly endless expanse of swirling rivers of blue and green. The auroral rays seem to dance across the sky, electrifying the night with the shimmering veils of color.

“Wow,” you whisper in awe. Wow doesn’t begin to cover how ethereal the phenomenon is, but you’re at a loss for words. It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen.

You're acutely aware of the bitter chill of the cold wind. If it weren't for the fact that Bucky feels like a personal space heater, your teeth would be chattering. But with the view before you, you find it hard to care.

“I’d give anything to be able to see this where we live,” you breathe. You glance up at him to find him already looking at you.

“Wouldn't you?” You ask him.

“I really would.”

Present Day

“Oooh,” Natasha coos beside you, snapping you out of your memory. “A northern lights projector. I wonder who that could be from.”

You can tell by her tone of voice that she knows exactly who it’s from – even if you hadn't blatantly told her about seeing the northern lights on your mission with Bucky last month, she's too smart to not be able to figure it out herself.

You playfully elbow her in the side, silencing her teasing but the smirk on her face remains.

“Thank you, Santa,” you say with a glance at Bucky. “I love it.”

The rest of your friends open their presents one by one. You try your hardest to pay attention, but all you can think about is how perfect you think the gift that Bucky picked out for you is. He could have just given you a gift card, or a generic gag gift, but what he gave you is personal, and sentimental, and thoughtful.

When all of the Christmas morning festivities have come to an end, you retreat back to your bedroom with your presents. Despite getting many great gifts from your friends, the one from your Secret Santa is by far your favorite.

You unbox the projector and set it up on your nightstand before plugging it in. As soon as you press the power button, the ceiling of your room is covered in shades of blue and green that mimic the natural hues of the northern lights that you had witnessed first hand just a month prior.

You flick your light switch off, making it easier to envision yourself standing under the Alaska sky. Of course, there’s nothing like seeing the real thing, but it’s still pretty, and the meaning behind the gift is what makes you happier than anything.

Smiling to yourself beneath the undulating ribbons of turquoise and emerald, you can’t help but replay the memory of standing under the aurora with Bucky.

How he got so excited when he went outside and realized the lights were visible, the contrast of his warm body against the cold night air as he helped you stand on your hurt foot, and the way that he was smiling at you instead of taking in the scene before him –

Your phone chimes from your back pocket, drawing you back to reality.

A projection probably doesn’t really compare to the real thing, huh?

You smile at your phone, sitting down on your bed. You think of how you should respond when you remember the present you bought for Bucky that sits in your closet.

Come and see for yourself, you respond.

With his room being just a short distance down the hallway, it’s only a few moments before you hear a soft knock against your door.

“Come in,” you say softly.

You’re suddenly overcome with a wave of nerves, and you tell yourself it’s because you’re antsy about giving him the present you'd picked out for him.

Bucky eases into the room, closing the door behind him. He takes in the display across your ceiling with his hands shoved in his pockets – a nervous habit of his that you’ve noticed many times before, though you can’t pinpoint why he’d be nervous right now.

“Pretty cool,” he admits. He takes a seat in front of you on the edge of your bed and finally meets your gaze. “Can’t say it quite compares to the real thing, but at least it’s a whole lot warmer here.”

“The food is considerably better here, too,” you joke. “But really, thank you. It’s definitely the best Secret Santa gift I’ve ever received,” you add, cringing when you remember the toilet shaped coffee mug that Sam had gotten you two years ago.

You use it regularly, of course. But you like Bucky’s gift far more.

“And I got you a present, too,” you add in a small voice before you can chicken out. “I know I wasn’t your Secret Santa, so I hope you don’t think it’s weird. It’s okay if you don’t like—”

“Can I tell you something?” He interrupts you. He’s grinning big – the kind of grin that brings out the lines around his eyes. You snap your mouth shut and answer with a quick nod.

“I wasn’t your Secret Santa originally,” he sighs. “Natasha was. But I convinced her to switch names with me.”

“But why—”

“I got your present as soon as we got back from Alaska, but then I started overthinking it… just thought it would be easier to give it to you if I had the excuse of being your Secret Santa,” he shrugs.

You’re momentarily stunned. It dawns on you – he’d been worried about the exact thing you had. You’d been so worried about him being weirded out by you getting him a gift that you waited until you were alone to give it to him, and he’d been so worried about getting you a gift that he convinced someone else to let him have your name in Secret Santa.

How silly of both of you, you think.

He sits by you on your bed, waiting for your response with a patient, albeit uncertain expression. Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his lips.

It had been a fleeting thought when you stared into his eyes under the colorful Alaskan sky – how beautiful it would be to kiss someone under such a serene and mesmerizing sky. How beautiful it would be to kiss him, here. It was a thought that you shoved down, out of fear for crossing a line and making yourself look like an idiot.

It's a thought that is once again at the forefront of your mind, sitting beside him in your bedroom under the imitation aurora.

Under the true northern lights, or under your bedroom ceiling in New York – it doesn’t matter. You think kissing him would be beautiful anywhere.

And so you do.

Or he does – you’re not actually sure who leans forward first. But you are sure that he still tastes faintly of maple syrup and coffee from breakfast, and that when he cups your face in his flesh hand and tilts it to give him a better angle to sweep his tongue along your bottom lip, your brain turns to static white noise.

You let him set the pace – it’s slow and soft, like he’s trying to memorize the map that his tongue draws inside your mouth. You place one of your hands on the back of his neck, intertwining your fingers in the short tufts of hair.

Still holding your face in his hand, he pulls away with a gentle tug of your bottom lip between his teeth and looks at you in the blue-green glow of the projector’s illumination.

“Was that my present?” he smiles, rubbing his thumb across your cheek. You laugh, reeling in the afterglow of the kiss.

You drop your hand from his neck, and hold up a singular finger to him, indicating for him to give you a moment. You walk over to your closet, retrieving the large gift bag containing the phonograph.

When you walk back over to your bed, you turn on your bedside table lamp for a bit more light before handing him the bag.

He smiles, blushing faintly as he pulls the tissue paper out of the gift bag. He eases the package out of the bag slowly, as if he’s scared the contents will break. You watch as he takes his time with the unboxing, now feeling a fresh wave of nervousness at the anticipation of him seeing the gift.

His smile only grows once he realizes what it is.

“My ma used to have one just like this,” he murmurs in awe. He grabs your hand in his and brings it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “Thank you. It's perfect.”

He turns to place it behind him on your mattress before pulling your face to his once more. It’s shorter than the kiss before, but just as tender and sweet.

“But just so you know, you could have just given me a kiss, and I would’ve been just as thrilled.”

••••••

thanks for reading!! i had fun writing this cute little piece ♡

#mel recommends 📖#cait ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚#lovely mutuals ♡🎀♡#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfiction

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1d1195 · 3 months ago

Note

Hi Sam!! It’s been so long omg😭😭😭 I will explain later tbh bc it’s a bit wild and long! But omg I’ve missed you😭(might be a two parter 😔)

I think your gifts probably give off the vibe of being so cute and presented so well that they are just too pretty to open!

And we love a hates everyone but her moment! And your grumpy characters are a good mixture of grumpy! Like they aren’t ever truly “mean” if that makes sense lol

I can definitely understand choosing the route of “pretending” stuff doesn’t matter in order to have some peace for your mental health! I think in general we’ve all experienced some form of that whether it be in our personal lives or the world. Sometimes it just needs to happen in order to not breakdown. So I get it, there’s nothing wrong with that! Been actually do familiar with that technique lately with how life is going HAHA

How has your reading been lately?? Anything exciting? Or disappointing?! A possible new book boyfriend or are we hating some characters rn?!

Going to the symphony does sound all grown up lol but it was so nice and it made me really just miss the whole vibes of experiencing that kind of performance! My brother and I are very much nerds when it comes to music lol but omg I’m the total opposite I feel less productive! I get tired around 4 pm now 😭 and omg the COLD😭 so brutal and I think im low in iron so I’m basically freezing all the time lol I haven’t started my winter break yet! I start it in about two weeks! But idk how long it is tbh lol

Oh bestie I love when you do rom-com stuff like sometimes the cheesier the better! You just do those vibes well and it’s nice to read like “feel good moment” stuff! And tbh if I had a chance in some alternate universe to kiss HIM I WOULD TAKE IT!!! I do think you’re creative! Maybe like the painting/drawing stuff isn’t your vibe but the way you write bestie?! SO GOOD! Like these plots,plots twists,love confessions, THE YEARNING?!? You do have a very creative mind! And these dividers are just adorable!

I hope you were able to end November on a semi okay note! I know you’ve mentioned how hard it’s been this past month and I hope you were able to relax a bit for the holidays!(hope that was at least okay!) also hope you got to eat some good potatoes in any way!!

I did notice you were a bit quiet this year about your birthday! But I assumed it was mainly because it was towards the beginning of the week and school probably got in the way! But I love that your students made it a bit better! And of course glad you have some lovely people in your life because you deserve that too!!-💜

I can't make them mean, I think it's my biggest fault in writing 😭 I want to make them grumpier and meaner but I just look at Harry with his dimply smile and his cinnamon roll hair and simply can't picture him being mean.

I'm sorry you're really going through it right now. I love to compartmentalize the bad and ignore it until I can deal with it later. Not sure if it's the healthiest way to handle things but I think it's gotta be done sometimes.

I have not been reading much 😭 I'm working on a Christina Lauren book. It's related to another one that I read last year and it's okay but I don't love it tbh right now. I'm only about 70 pages in. I'm surprised though because my friend who's like the biggest bookwork I know thought it was one of their best and I'm just not seeing it atm. Hopefully it will get better. I revisited my basketball bf though for good measure. It had been a few weeks since I reread about him. I feel like I need a cheesy-wintry book boyfriend. I watched Hot Frosty on Netflix, it's incredibly ridiculous. 100/10 recommendation though. no other notes 😂

I love the music relationship you have with your brother! That's so cute. You and the tuba right? I hope i didn't make that up but I can't even remember when we talked about your instrument last so I don't think I could find it if I tried.

Idk, I feel like with limited sunlight it's like I'm being timed and i have to get more done in a shorter amount of time 😂 I love the cold so much because I get to cover up my body the way I like ☠ let's not read into that. I just love sweaters and boots. I feel way more teacher-y in the winter than i do in the summer. But I get it. My bf is a chilly person. I call our apartment The Tropic of Cancer because he has it on a boiling temp (73). I open the window making full eye contact with him when the sun comes through in the afternoon. ANYWAY. I am sorry you're cold. I totally get that and I know this is a rough time of year for a lot of people.

I don't think it's a choice that you kiss him given the chance. It's a given.

I love spending time with my fam for Thanksgiving so that was nice. But it was a long busy working. I feel like I didn't get much relaxation time but I tried. It'll be a quick turn around until winter break so at least there's that. I'm hoping to finish my Christmas shopping soon and relax a little more.

One of my fave students got into trouble right around my bday and I know it's dumb but I was so bummed out about it I barely wanted to celebrate 😂 honestly the student probably wouldn't even have known it was my birthday but idk. it's hard to explain. Kid makes my whole day just to see him. The event day of was also tricky and exhausting. But regardless.

Onto part two thanks for being the best and sweet and lovely 💕

xoxo

#💜

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laxibbeb · 4 months ago

Note

Hi!

I’m working dutifully on your gift and man, is it angsty. I won’t tell you too much…because some things should remain a surprise.

It’s sad. I’m throwing a little bit of toxicity in as a treat(for you), but mostly it’s just sad.

It’s a few thousand words long so far! Is any of it readable? …No! (But we’ll get there 😂)

I’d genuinely be surprised if you guessed who I was before I reveal myself. And I don’t mean this in any sort of way, I think we’ve just existed in two separate corners of the fandom(but I’m so happy to get to know you now! You seem really cool!)

Ooh so for genres I do love books based in mythology(any kind!). I also sometimes like a slight mystery with a focus on drama (ask me for specifics and I’ll give them), and rom coms are cool too. Oh and high fantasy, if I’m in the right headspace to have a massive book hangover, which doesn’t happen that often.

And there’s nothing wrong with being pretentious. I am, too, about certain things.

I think in terms of superpowers I’d like shapeshifting. That seems pretty cool.

Questions!

Can I lean into morally dubious Rhys?

Who’s on your hear me out cake? (I can’t take credit for this one)

What’s your favorite piece of artwork you’ve made? (Brag about yourself!)

hello dear santa i am SO SORRY, i know you've been waiting in my ask box forever! i finally have the time to write out my reply :((( GOOD, the angst!! don't tell me too much, i can't wait to scream in pain in your comments i, as an angst connaisseur, adore sad but i love you for putting a little of toxic just for me <333

i'm sure it's a work of art ok

DO NOT WORRY, i'm not taking it in any kind of way if anything, i'm even more excited to find out who you are 😼 (i'm happy to get to know you too! i've really been enjoying our talks)

ooh, i really enjoy mythology as well! i'm not that into rom coms, though i've read a few; i like romance but i also like when other things happen around it so i don't tent to seek them out and i also agree with you on the high fantasy, my preferred ones read almost like a made-up history book but it does involve massive hangovers

i mean, it's been over a year since i've read the first baru book and despite the fact that i loved it i'm still not ready to get into the second one 😜

(please tell me the details of the drama/mystery genre)

okay, now i really want to know what you're pretentious about! we can be pretentious together

okay shapeshifting IS cool, a top tier choice, a classic one too —

QUESTIONS!

ABSOLUTELY you can lean into morally dubious rhys all you want, i love rhys at his shadiest motherfucker and i love him at his daddiest husband, so go whichever way feels right for you

OKAY, i have never thought about this before so here are my unfiltered thoughts on the matter: i am putting an acotar character on my hear me out cake and it's the weaver.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S A POPULAR TAKE LMAO i'm scared to answer this question because i know somebody will be like "well, actually this is the most common answer and totally ordinary." and then i would be crushed. so i'm going to be very cheeky and say jagna from "the peasants" is on my hear me out cake ✌️😗 and since i know for a fact that, save for me, only like 2 other people in this fandom even know who i'm talking about, the only people that would disagree AND be genuinely mad about this take are polish literature teachers and the peasants in question.

and my favourite piece oh gosh!! i love mucha elucien from elucien week. that one destroyed my wrist but i've done some really cool things i haven't gotten the chance to try before AND it came out looking so good 😌😌 i'll be riding that high for a while still

dear santa, i hope your halloween is stellar and full of spooky goodness! see you next time 🎃🎃

#dearsanta

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bisluthq · 6 months ago

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I wouldn't call myself a "fan" of Joe, but I did like how Taylor painted him (she obvs wasn't going to release songs about him not knowing how to cook a decent Bolognese or put the toilet seat down though - until midnights lmao) but I've enjoyed the movies I've seen him in, I like that he signed the ceasefire thing, I like how he makes an effort to work with female directors - and that makes me more inclined to want to see what he's doing because I don't think he's a trash human. But I only know about what he's up to from you really. So I like him and tbh I feel fucked up saying this but I think he stole the show in boy erased even though it was a small bit and that whole film was great, I really noticed him then.

But all this reminds me of when I saw something with Matthew Goode in a small part and I was so totally mesmerised by him and he had few credits at the time and fewer of them were streaming lol. Fast forward a decade and I feel an odd sense of pride seeing him making really great stuff (imo) and seeming to enjoy himself. He did lead a few earlier rom coms, but I can see Joe having a career like MG where he's "that guy that was in that movie with Margot Robbie and one with Emma stone" and then being a lead who people google and go 'ooooh right, HIM!' of course there'll always be the TS shadow for lack of a better word, but idk. I think I just wanted to talk about how much I adore Matthew Goode even though he's mostly "is that that guy from that other thing?' at least he is with my family and friends when I pick what to watch because I'll just pick multiple things hes in in a row lmao.

Thoughts on Matthew Goode? 😂

I like Matthew Goode! He’s been very successful but I agree not in a way where if I bring up Matthew Goode to random people they’d know who he is/what he’s been in. They’d recognize him though as “that guy from that other movie” lol for sure. Fwiw, I like Leap Year with him and Amy Adams. It’s a silly movie but it was kind of cute. He’s been in a lot of better things since (but you’re right often as part of an ensemble or as a supporting character).

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coloursflyaway · 10 months ago

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Hiii mate, 🦉

So good to hear from you! First of all. Do. You. Know. How. Happy. I. Am. to hear you say you've started writing again! So happy. On a side note though - I've lost you to another fandom and now there's even less chance of zowens 😩 But I'm still so glad you've picked it up again 😁 (also is it bad I'm kinda chuffed to be blamed for this good news? 😂)

Speaking of Lotr, did you ever try 'the rings of power'? If you have what did you think of it? Yea it never gets old, quite honestly I still find new things, things I didn't realise I'd missed earlier. The mind of that man, J.R.R. Tolkien, is just r.i.d.i.c.u.l.o.u.s.

Similar here, it was my grandpa and dad that got me onto the 'older' movies. Hence the inclination more towards the mysteries, action, thrillers and comedies 😁 I'll definitely be staying clear of 'Silence' then 😭

Ohh another one I've never heard of 'dead boy detectives' 🤔 haha yea from your posts I can tell you quite enjoy it! Was it a recent discovery? Their fandom must be thrilled about your fics 😁

Hii ♥

Me too, it felt sooo good 😭 took up basically my entire weekend, but it was so nice to actually be inspired and excited about writing instead of feeling like I had to force myself to do it. You definitely shook something lose there and I can't thank you enough! But yeah, this show kind of took over my life for the last couple of days 😅

I never tried Rings of Power, because my sister kind of hated it, but if you'd recommend it, I might give it a shot at some point. I do love LotR so much and getting more of it is very tempting 😁

That might be the same for me, although my parents both also love rom coms and they definitely didn't pass that onto me 😂 I really want to go to the cinema a bit more often in the next few months, since there is one that just re-opened kind of close to my house, so hopefully there will be some good new movies coming out!

Dead Boy Detectives is definitely new, it just came out on Netflix! It's based on a Neil Gaiman cominc and I love basically everything that man has ever done, so I knew I had to check it out and I ended up absolutely loving it😁 it's really cute and colourful and has enough supernatural stuff in it to get me really excited ❤️ And I hope the fandom is happy with my fics because it kind of feels like I'll continue writing them for a bit longer at least 😁

And if you don't mind, sure, come off anon! It's always nice to put a face to the conversations 🥰

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avocado-writing · 1 year ago

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My headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Halsin, Dammon, Rolan, and Zevlor react to his gn crush who is so oblivious that they told him with confidence that no one would be interested in them romantically request is so good! I'm flattered you like writing my requests since I love your writing ☺️ I love this especially Astarion only laughs because he thought they were joking, he realised when he noticed their body language that they really meant it 😭, he wants to act like his usual self but he is torn since he actually cares for them, he would hold their hand after a moment of silence & say it's mesmerising that there's so much to love about them 🥹, he couldn't make eye contact with them but his dead heart felt like skipping a beat when they squeezed his hand 😊, how puzzled Gale is XD, how he started to state with things about them practically...to things he likes about them 😳, it took him a while to realise what he said & see them smiling at him that made him a bit embarrassed, they're confident enough to kiss him in the cheek which made him happy for the whole day 😊, how appalled Wyll is XD, he would take them on a stroll alone with them while being lyrical of what they have going for them 🥹, he's such a romantic that he told them everything even though he tried to not make into a confession, his cheeks feel hot & his heart beats faster because of their smile 😊, he told them that they deserve someone who would be by side through everything & he's not afraid to be the someone even after everything they've been through 🥹, he would continue if they're not brave enough to pull him for a long kiss 💋, Halsin knows self-doubt won't go away so easily, he tries to court them since he admires them for a while, his little gifts for them 🥰, he always be with them when he can & tries to make them laugh, they realised that he proved them wrong, they immediately ran to find & hug him rom-com style 🤭, Dammon meant to reassure them but their expression shown how desperate they are 🥺, he accidentally confessed instead & was worried if he messed up, he blushes when they went to kiss him 😳, Rolan's choice of words 🤣, they're so surprised that they couldn't speak at first, they weren't amused because they were being vulnerable with him like me & he tried to explain that he didn't insult them 😂, he managed to be honest with them, they realised when he can't hide how much he's blushing & his emotions, he tried to backtrack but they asked him out, he squeaked out a yes 🤭 when he felt like combusting & he was worried about the same thing when they went to him to confide 🥺, Zevlor is kind even when he thinks they're being silly, he held their face to face him before telling them how lovely they are like a pledge 🥹, they can't help but think he's right, and they think maybe someone loves them when they gazes into his eyes 🥹 Thank you so much for doing my request because I love it so much :)

I’m so glad you liked it, my love, it was so fun to write 😊💕

#avo answers #Made me smile

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zepskies · 8 months ago

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Lmaoo "The One With Ted" did not disappoint...

Seeing a glimpse of their growing friendship in the first flashback scene was somehow both sweet and bittersweet, but of course, there's also that hint of "more" on Beau's side that he's desperately trying to hide. 😅

“Y/N, you need to sleep. Just look at you, darlin’. This obsession isn’t healthy. I’m taking you home,” he declared sternly, ignoring your protests. You were pretty sure he had used his dad voice, too.

Loll not the dad voice! So sweet that he tried to "cut her off," even though he ultimately wasn't successful. Always more shit hitting the fan, isn't there? 😬

“Do you know what cartels do to bodies, Beau? To rivals? To law enforcement? ‘Cause I just came back from a job where we found forty-eight decapitated bodies, left to rot inside the walls of a house. Still haven’t found the heads yet. Probably never will,” you told him and stared him dead into his dark green eyes. “Ever seen that before, desperado?” Beau bit his lips, averting his gaze. “No.”

That's what makes their situation all the harder -- the fact that she's in law enforcement as well and understands this aspect of things all too well. 😰 It's truly amazing that she and Beau were able to get past this hurdle and actually fall in love. It shows how forgiving she is, I think.

“Well, I’m a hard one to quit,” Beau quipped almost proudly, like a peacock showing off his fan of feathers. “As are cigarettes and many other vices,” Ted shot back with the same stupidly proud grin. Translation: You’re an ass. And a failure. She deserves so much better. I’m ‘better.’ But maybe that didn't need a translation.

HELP. I'm deceased. 🤣🤣🤣 I was smirking/laughing throughout this entire exchange, but this in particular took me out! Ted has nothing but audacity. But at least the reader had Beau's back on this one. 😆

“It was a set-up, alright? I talked to my DEA contact. Cody said your intel was wrong. They knew you and Randy were closing in on them. They wanted to get rid of you,” you explained.

Ahh, nice that they had this heart to heart, and also this revelation. But while of course that really does nothing to soothe Beau's guilt, at least it allows her to forgive him.

“Says you,” Beau quipped and unzipped your jeans, eagerly pulling them off you as his mouth sucked your clavicle purple and blue. “That slimy coyote always had it out for me.”

LMAO Oh Beau. You're right, it is funny to imagine him saying "slimy coyote." 😂 Bet this is what he wishes would happen to Ted:

It accumulated like dark, violent storm clouds on the horizon, forecasting roaring thunder and heavy rainfall.

Lolll an excellent line.^

“Just between us, you’re the best lover I ever had,” you confessed with a wide grin. The corners of his mouth rose to match yours. “Well, between us, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. You’re it, darlin’. You know that, right? You’re the love of my life,” Beau revealed, making you smile brighter than you ever had before.

Oooh what a declaration that is from her! The fact that Beau's the best she's ever had, even including Randy, I'm assuming. 😅

And Beau, sweet Beau, that was a beautiful rom-com worthy line right there. 💗

“Jenny said Diane just walked into the station and gave herself up. She is ready to confess but only wants to talk to us.”

Ooh shit, Diane is certainly up to something. 😬😬 I'm both excited and scared to see what's coming next!!

Polaris – Chapter 7

Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader

Warnings: 18+, fluff, angst, serial killer, mentions of cartels, grief, smut

Word Count: 7.2k

A/N: The chapter where we find out why Ted is on Beau's punch list aka The One With Ted... 😂

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

Chapter 7: Storm Coming

May 2021

“I sold the house,” you said, your voice ripping through the quiet of the car during another starry stake-out night.

“So you’re homeless now?” Beau joked and peeled his eyes away from the front window view and glanced at you from the driver’s seat, his hand resting on the steering wheel, the other one in his lap.

You chuckled. “Yup, but I got a hot plate now in my motel room and one of those Italian moka pots. So, you know, some would say I’m living the dream.”

Beau snorted in amusement before he pensively rubbed his mouth with two fingers. “You didn’t have to sell the house, you know?”

You heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I kinda did, though… I didn’t like staying in there anymore. It’s just… too many memories, I guess? ‘Sides, I’m always down here anyways. Actually considering moving here.”

Beau frowned at you, his nose scrunching. “What, to Mexico? Are you nuts? Over my dead body are you doin’ that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a say in it,” you retorted rather playfully and put a shocked palm on your chest in mock.

“Damn right, I do,” Beau scoffed his reply with a teasing grin. “Who do you think is lookin’ out for ya, huh?”

“Wait, you think you are? That’s what you believe?” You snorted a laugh, entering banter territory with him.

It was usually how you passed your time during most of these stake-outs – laughing, teasing, and the occasional talking about your problems. You’d never known Beau like this before. He was your husband’s best friend, but he had been more of an acquaintance to you. Now, after months of spending close to every day together, it felt like he was your best friend. Since Randy’s death, he’d been there for you, even if it was mostly out of guilt.

“Yeah, what d’you think?” Beau countered challengingly.

“Oh sweetie, you’re not looking after me. I’m looking after you,” you stated confidently. The smile that twitched on his lips seemed to actually agree with you. “Out of the two of us, you’re the way bigger wreck. Some would even think it’s your husband who died, not mine.”

“Are you calling me a girl?”

You coolly shrugged your shoulders. “Either I’m calling you a girl, or I’m calling you gay. I’ll let you pick.”

Laughingly, Beau scoffed and muttered, “You wish I was gay.”

However, you still heard his mumbled reply and responded, “Actually, I wish you were a girl and that I was gay.”

Beau stared at you and leaned back against the door for a better view of you, his brow raised and the corners of his lips drawn slightly upwards in amusement. “What are we even talking about?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted with a shake of your head.

The two of you then burst into loud laughter that filled the entire SUV. For a moment, all your sorrows and hardships seemed to be forgotten, carried away to the desert with the nightly breeze. Then, the familiar and comfortable quiet took over the car again.

“I’m moving out of the house, too,” Beau said, his eyes focusing on the barren landscape and desolate road ahead. “I’m giving it to Carla. I mean, she didn’t ask me to. God knows she can take care of herself… But I want Emily to keep living in the home she grew up in, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that. That’s really nice,” you said quietly. Your soft smile then morphed to a grin. “So you’re homeless, too, huh?”

Beau laughed, throwing his head back into the seat. “Yeah, guess I am. Maybe we should live together?” he suggested half-jokingly.

“Like roommates? Ugh, God no!” You scoffed in abhorrence. “We’re way too old for that. You’re over forty, I’m barely in my thirties–”

“You do know I know exactly how old you really are, right?” Beau teased.

You decided to ignore that jab and continued, unbothered. “It would be seriously so sad. The Widow And The Divorcee – sounds like the worst sitcom on the planet. ‘Sides, it’d be super awkward if one of us starts dating again.”

“Fine, maybe you’re right,” Beau relented with a soft chuckle and then glanced at you sideways. His heart gained speed in his chest. “You ever think about it? Dating? Gettin’ out there again? Been nine months.”

You twitched your shoulders, choosing not to look at him. “I don’t know. Is nine months long enough after your husband died?”

Thoughtfully, Beau licked his lips and let out a small sigh. “I don’t think there’s a timeline, or a right and wrong. I just think it’s one of those things that when you’re ready, you’re ready.”  “Well, consider me not ready then, I guess,” you replied honestly.

“Alright,” Beau accepted, bobbing his head. “But I still think you should try again at some point, you know? You shouldn’t be alone for the rest of your life. First of all, it’d be a total waste, ‘cause, I mean, look at you. And secondly, you’re barely in your thirties, after all,” he repeated your earlier joke with a soft grin.

You felt the heat creep to your cheeks in the moonlight. As you looked at him, you could see his smirk, making you laugh. “Noted,” you replied and were thankful for his pep talk. “I mean, there’ve been offers.”

Beau quirked one eyebrow, a hard lump forming in his throat as his chest tightened. “Offers? Like plural? Who?”

“Well, just some of the guys from our team. Cody, Jordan, Ted…” you named a few. “Also a few locals. Remember those guys we played pool with a few weeks ago? Two of ‘em asked for my number.”

“Huh. That is plural…” Beau pursed his lips and couldn’t keep his brow from wrinkling, his grip on the steering wheel stiffening. “Well, you know, when you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Shouldn’t force anything. No rush, darlin’.”

Smooth, Beau thought wryly with an internal sigh.

“Right, I know,” you agreed. “I do miss sex, though. Getting kinda bored of my vibrator.”

Beau choked on his spit. “Jesus…”

“What? Am I not allowed to talk about it? I thought we were friends. You’re supposed to care about my well-being and happiness,” you argued, frowning.

“I do care. Just… Can we please not talk about that?” he begged and exhaled a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his freckled nose.

“Fine. I miss having women around…” You shrugged and muttered, “Didn’t peg you for a prude.”

“Okay, let’s just get one thing straight – I’m not a prude,” he clarified in defense, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red.

“Alright, also noted,” you quipped, smirking to yourself. Sometimes you enjoyed making him a little uncomfortable. His blushed cheeks could be quite cute. “What about you? Have you still not talked to Carla? I’m sure you can win her back if you tried. You’re a lot better now.”

“Well, thank you for the, uh, vote of confidence, but it’s really over, I guess. We just talked about all the divorce proceedings last time. I actually think she started datin’ someone recently,” Beau told you.

Your eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really? Who?”

“I guess some rich tech guy. I don’t know…”

“And you’re good with that?” you questioned in disbelief.

Beau scoffed a humorless chuckle, shaking his head. “Ha, no… But what am I gonna do? Kinda shot myself in the leg with that one. I don’t blame her for moving on. It’s been over for months now.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry. I was kinda rooting for you two,” you admitted.

“Well, thanks, but we weren’t you and Randy,” Beau said. It made your brow knit.

“What d’you mean?”

“C’mon, you know what I mean,” Beau replied as if it were obvious, but you still shook your head. He sighed. “You and Randy would’ve never gotten divorced.”

“You don’t know that.” Honestly, you doubted it yourself, but you were too curious to find out what he meant by his statement.

“I do know that,” Beau insisted with certainty. “You guys had that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love. The kind that made other people jealous, you know? Your love made every other relationship pale in comparison. I always figured once the honeymoon phase was over, you’d settle and be less vomit-inducing, but that never happened. Me and Carla were never like that. Not even in the beginning,” he explained, a small, soft smile shaping his mouth. “You guys were special. True love. The stuff folk singers write cheesy songs about.”

“I guess we were,” you mused quietly, the memory of everything Randy was to you causing tears to well in your eyes.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Beau apologized as soon as he noticed the sadness on your face. He reached his hand over to your side and squeezed your thigh gently, just above the knee.

“No, it’s alright,” you brushed him off, swallowing your heartache down. “But hey, if Carla wasn’t your once-in-a-lifetime, maybe she’s still out there. You just haven’t found her yet. I mean, that’s kinda a nice outlook, right?”

Licking his lips, he bobbed his head, his gaze focused on his hand on the steering wheel. “I doubt it.”

“Why? Never say never,” you said encouragingly.

“Well, maybe I already met her, and it’s too late now,” he replied. It sounded more like an actual fact than a hypothetical theory. You found yourself wondering.

“What, did you have like an old college flame? The one that got away?” you teased lightheartedly, but he only grew more serious.

“Somethin’ like that,” he replied vaguely, rubbing his mouth with his fingers.

“Look her up on Facebook. Maybe she’s divorced, too. You could reconnect or something,” you suggested. He nodded but didn’t seem too convinced. You then shot him a hesitant glance from your periphery. “So, now that Carla’s moving on, are you gonna start dating now, too? Jump back into the game?”

“I guess so… Why?” A part of him was curious to hear your response, while another part reminded him that his desired answer was only wishful thinking – and completely insane on top of that.

“That fiery brunette lady at the bar last night seemed really interested in you. Maybe you should hook up with her if she’s there again tomorrow night?” you proposed in earnest.

Wide-eyed, Beau blinked at you in incredulity – like you had lost your goddamn mind. “I’m sorry, what?! Hook up? Who are you right now? Are you tryin’ to set me up?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged simply, not seeing what the big problem was. “Don’t look at me like I’m trying to convince you to get a tramp stamp above your ass with a dirty needle. I’m just trying to be a good wingman… woman. Randy would’ve tried to set you up, right?”

Beau sighed frustratedly. “Yeah, he would’ve,” he admitted in a grumble and then barked, slightly more furious, “But you ain’t him. And I don’t want you to be, so stop it, alright?”

“Geez, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help,” you mumbled defensively and raised your hands in surrender, unsuccessfully hiding your upset over his reaction. He felt guilty when he saw the small pout on your face.

Beau rubbed his forehead before dragging his palm over the rest of his face. “I know. I’m sorry, too,” he said and let out a deep breath through his nose. “I just-… I guess I’m just waiting, okay?”

“Waiting for what?”

Beau squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. For you to be ready, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t very well do that now, could he?

“For Christ’s sake, Y/N…” he breathed exhaustively. That was all he managed to say. With his palm on his mouth, he rested his elbow against the car door, gazing out the window.

“Why are you so upset?” you asked, your brow woven with confusion.

“Switch subjects,” he requested.

It was a phrase the two of you used whenever you didn’t want to talk about something anymore. When someone pushed too much, or the topic got too emotional and you needed a break. The only rule was to always respect the request, so you had no choice but to let it go after that.

“The Texans game sucked last night, huh?”

That elicited a snort from him, and he looked at you with a warm smile. “Yeah, goddamn awful.”

“How many times are you gonna watch those?”

Beau’s question broke your concentration. Your gaze snapped from your laptop screen to his concerned face. You’d been rewatching the victims’ videos for four days straight now, trying to find more clues. Maybe even something that directly led to Diane.

“I keep thinking maybe I’ve missed something,” you mumbled and stared back into the computer, your teeth gnawing on the pen between your lips. “It’s 48 hours each. We have twenty-four victims. I keep watching them sped-up to get through them all, but maybe I should slow ‘em down. I mean, I’ve watched them full-length, normal speed a couple of times before, but maybe I should watch ‘em even slower and really focus, you know? There’s gotta be something there…”

Bobbing his head worriedly, Beau pursed his lips and took a scan of your desk. He counted eight empty cups of coffee and five cans of energy drinks. There were bags under your red eyes and your hands were jittering. He knew you hadn’t slept a lot. He tried to hold you in his arms, but as soon as he dozed off, you snuck out and went back to work.

Beau shut the laptop. “You’re cut off.”

“Hey!”

“I need that woman in prison, Beau.”

“You startin’ to sound like Jenny…” Beau quipped under his breath.

“We’re running out of time. There’s only one day left before the next victim drops,” you stated and tried your best to keep your voice steady as it broke off towards the end.

“I know.” Beau clasped your shoulder and squeezed gently. “And we’ll get her. I promise you. But you’re no good to any of us if you’re exhausted and losing it right now.” You nodded and rose from your chair. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you flush against him, kissing the top of your head affectionately. “How about some dinner, huh?”

You grinned warmly. “What, like a second date?”

“Exactly like a second date,” Beau said and mirrored your grin. He was making up for lost time as best as he could, even if it meant taking you out every night for the rest of your life.

Your phone buzzed on the table, your brow quirking at the number. Eagerly, you picked up and wound yourself out of Beau’s embrace. “Special Agent Y/L/N… Uh-huh… Great, thank you.”

Beau pursed his lips. “We’re not going out, are we?”

“‘fraid not, Sheriff.” You shook your head and chuckled at his groan. “That was IT. They’re finally done and sending over the IP addresses.”

“Alright, guess I’m gettin’ take out,” Beau announced with a small sigh, knowing the two of you were in for a long night – and not the one he had planned.

You smiled and pecked his lips. “Thank you.”

August 2020

Beau’s heart thudded frantically in his chest as his knuckles tapped your front door in the early evening. The sky was a color spectacle full of azures, indigos, and apricots as the summer sun slowly set. His boots only stood on that same spot not even twenty-four hours ago. It still felt like a surreal nightmare he couldn’t escape, his hope to wake up soon a ceaseless prayer.

He’d stayed with you all night, held you as you cried yourself to sleep. Beau awoke on your couch with your head resting on his thigh and a strange feeling in his gut. He couldn’t help but think you were beautiful, even in a state of utter turmoil, shoving said thought swiftly down into the depths of his darkening soul.

But he’d spent all day thinking of you, plagued by guilt and torn by misplaced feelings. He’d sat through hours of interviews, going over and over the events of last night till his mind spun like a hamster wheel. He was forced to fill out forms, sign documents, and recount each unforgettable step. He’d listened to lectures, sermons, and admonitions. His captain gave him a tongue-lashing that sounded like mere white noise before he was sent home with a suspension – investigation pending.

Only he didn’t go home; he came here.

At home, his wife and daughter were waiting – for a husband, a father, an explanation. None of which he could provide. Beau wanted to wallow in his grief, his guilt, his loss in peace. He lacked the strength to be strong, play pretend, and act above it all. He wanted to be punished, sent to perdition, and held accountable for his lapse of judgment. A suspension wasn’t good enough. It barely patched the abysmal gaps in his heart.

The only suitable punishment was you. Witnessing your suffering was his personally crafted hell. You were the broken remnants of his destruction, the shattered pieces of his idiocy, the explosive fallout of his arrogance.

And you hadn’t answered a single call or text of his. His torturous worry was part of his penalty.

Consecutive rings of the doorbell and incessant knocks remained unanswered. For a moment, Beau rested his forehead on the door. He felt helpless and clueless all the same. You had friends and family to take care of you, probably better suited and closer to you than him, but somehow he felt burdened with the responsibility.

He took the spare key out of the left-side planter and barged inside. The ground floor was deserted. Last night’s uneaten dinner still sat untouched on the table. It felt like a whiplash against his bare back.

Bolting upstairs, he found the door to the main bedroom ajar. He pried it open slowly, the sight of you delivering his second lashing. This time, he felt the sting burning through to his heart.

He found you curled up in bed, on your husband’s side, in your husband’s t-shirt, with your wedding photo album clutched tightly in your arms. His breath halted for a moment; his heart did, too.

Did he do this? Was this all his fault?

“Y/N?” His deep voice was quiet and careful as he spoke. Slowly, he walked over to your side and knelt down in front of you. “Darlin’, hey… You need to get up. Eat somethin’.”

Beau was sure you hadn’t moved all day. He didn’t ask you if you were alright or how you were doing. The question seemed insulting. The answer was obvious. Your phone was lighting up on the nightstand with a million unanswered calls and messages, his own among them. Your beautiful eyes were vacant, red, and empty. You didn’t cry, however, not anymore. You were dehydrated and all out of tears at this point. You never looked at him, not even a glance.

“I want him back,” you whispered, your voice coarse from screaming, crying, cursing.

Beau nodded, licking his lips. Caringly, he caressed your head, brushing a few strands of messy hair out of your face. “I know. I hope you know I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat if I could.”

For the first time your eyes found his. Your gaze was scathing and piercing. “Tell me what happened.”

Beau let out a harrowing sigh. He had rehashed the story all day long. He wasn’t sure if he could do it again, but maybe this version was the most important one. Who deserved the truth more than you?

“Y/N, I don’t think this is such a good idea, darlin’,” Beau tried to reason, mostly for himself. He wanted to hold on a little longer, the idea of you hating him tearing him apart. He wanted to spare himself the additional guilt, the anger, the hurt.

“Tell me or leave.”

Beau closed his eyes and nodded hesitantly. “Okay, alright.” He took a deep breath and settled down on the floor, leaning his back against the wooden bedside table. “We were closing in on that biker gang. Few murders, arms trafficking, drug deals… You know the drill. I’m sure Ra-… he filled you in.”

Not that long ago, Randy had asked you for advise on the case. You gave him your contacts in the DEA and a number to a CI.

“Your DEA guy warned us. Said the gang was working closely with the cartel down in Juárez. But I had my own intel that only a few members were meeting at the Hatcher warehouse in MacGregor. It was supposed to be a small deal. But I figured it could lead to bigger things if we shook ‘em down, you know? But fuckin’ Harper told us no like usual. Refused to give us back-up. Said to pass the case on to the DEA. But Randy and I worked our asses off the last few months to get even this far. We were so close. I didn’t wanna let go… So, I suggested we go in anyways. It was supposed to be only three guys from the gang. I knew if we were smart about it, we could easily take ‘em down, you know?”

You rolled onto your back and propped yourself up on the bed. Shaking your head, you chuckled humorlessly and grabbed the half-empty whiskey bottle from the nightstand. “‘Course you did. It’s not the first time you broke a rule or shit on authority.”

“Yeah, and I was right every single time,” Beau bit. His anger wasn’t geared at you but at himself. He knew he was in the wrong. He flew too close to the sun and got burned. But he still felt the need to defend himself, even if it was unjustified.

His gaze drifted to the dresser and the patch of wall above it, decorated with photographic evidence of yours and his partner’s life together. The wedding, dates, vacations, holidays – it was all there. Beau had watched it all, start to finish. He wished he could rewind the tape and cut off the ending, all so you could have the love of your life back. He didn’t know yet your cassette had a B-side. One that featured him.

“You got fucking lucky, is all,” you scoffed.

“Randy backed me up on it!”

“Of course he did! You’re his fucking partner! He would’ve followed you anywhere if you asked him to,” you snapped, shaking your head. You gulped down some whiskey then and locked your jaw before you met his eyes again with a glare. “And? What happened then, Beau? Was it only three guys?”

“No.” The word was almost inaudible. He shook his head with a harsh swallow. “They were meetin’ with a few cartel members there. My intel never said anything about that. When we were inside and saw what was really going on, it was already too late to get out. They made us, bullets started flyin’… They got a hold of Randy and… shot him.” A tear escaped down his cheek, his throat closing as he tried to choke out the last bit of the story. “I had to leave him there. I barely got out myself. I’m sorry, Y/N. I know this is on me.”

Your lips twitched with a bitter smile. You didn’t look at him, just rubbed your tired eyes. “Damn right it is. Get out.”

“Y/N, please–”

The storm in your eyes made him stop as you met his gaze, his useless apologies becoming stuck in his throat. “I said, get out. I ain’t asking a third time. You’re the reason my husband is dead. You’re the reason I don’t even have a body to bury. So, get the fuck out.” Like a snakebite, your words were targeted, sharp, and venomous.

You finally got out of bed and prodded towards the en-suite bathroom. The truth had been what you needed to switch the fighter inside of you back on. You knew what you wanted to do then and were determined to get it.

“Y/N–”

Beau bit his lips, averting his gaze. “No.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so.” You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “Now, leave. Please. Get the fuck outta my house. I don’t wanna see you anymore,” you spat and slammed the bathroom door shut behind you.

Beau then grabbed the whiskey bottle you’d left and walked out of your home. It was the first of many nights he started to drink himself to sleep, but at least it kept the nightmares temporarily at bay.

“Theodore.” Beau forced a bright smile onto his freckle-dusted face, although the stiff features could barely fool anyone. At least, they wouldn’t have fooled you.

“Beau, good to see you again.” Ted smiled and did a more convincing job of it as he waltzed into Lewis and Clark County’s Sheriff’s Department. It almost seemed like he meant it. “I was surprised when Y/N told me you got a gig as a sheriff here.”

Translation: I was surprised because you were such a fuck-up back in Texas.

Beau feigned a chuckle. “Yeah, I bet you were.”

“Hopefully, you’re givin’ the DAs here less headaches,” Ted jabbed under the disguise of friendly banter. He then turned to Jenny with that same shit-eating grin. “Your sheriff is a little troublemaker.”

Sweet Lord, Beau wanted to whack the bastard.

The blonde deputy coolly brushed the accusation off. She shrugged and playfully nudged Beau’s arm, sending the Texan attorney a smile. “I prefer him that way.”

“Hey, there she is!” Beau smiled with frazzled relief when you finally hurried into the station. A little while longer, and he definitely would’ve thrown a punch.

“Hey, Ted. Thanks for coming. How was your flight?” You greeted him with a warm smile and a quick hug.

“Good, good. Never been to Montana before,” Ted said and then let his eyes wander up and down your body. “Look at you. You look great!”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” You subtly cleared your throat. You could physically feel Beau stiffen next to you. In your periphery, you could spy a tightly clenched jaw and a few strained muscles in his neck.

“Mind if Y/N and I borrow your office, Sheriff Arlen?” Ted asked and emphasized his title. “Considering the nature of this case, I’d like to keep it as private as possible. Don’t want anything to reach Ms. Newton’s ears.”

Your hunch had been right. Several IP addresses pointed to Diane, some to public Wi-Fi’s. You and the team still needed to connect her to the other states and find out where she’d been staying there, but you could definitely trace some posts in recent weeks to her home in Montana. It was enough for an arrest warrant, but you still needed more evidence.

Additionally, it had all come together a little too easily. It seemed like a giant trap you were walking into. Diane wanted to be caught. But why?

“Why don’t I just join you? I’m sure Y/N here doesn’t mind,” Beau suggested with a tight smile and then snaked his arm around your middle, pulling you closer. “Ain’t that right, darlin’?”

Internally, you sighed a little at his obvious territorial pissing, but you were willing to throw him a bone. You stretched up and claimed his plump lips in a fervent kiss that Beau only all too happily reciprocated.

“Not at all, Sheriff. You know I always appreciate your input,” you replied with a dirty smirk at the double entendre.

As Beau looked down at you, he mouthed ‘God, I love you.’ You grinned in response.

“Happy to give it to you,” he said with another sweet peck of your lips. A triumphant and slightly cocky grin graced his lips as he looked back at Ted.

“Oh, so you two are back together?” Ted realized, his brow rising to his hairline. He’d never seen you two together but certainly had heard the whispers down in Mexico from your old task force. He’d been the DA for those cases as well. You’d never explicitly told him about you and Beau, though, even when he had tried to pry a little on those dates you went on.

“Well, I’m a hard one to quit,” Beau quipped almost proudly, like a peacock showing off his fan of feathers.

“As are cigarettes and many other vices,” Ted shot back with the same stupidly proud grin.

Translation: You’re an ass. And a failure. She deserves so much better. I’m ‘better.’ But maybe that didn't need a translation.

Beau should’ve known it was hard to out-argue a lawyer and ground his jaw. After all, he’d been married to one for many years.

You, on the other hand, shared a wide-eyed and baffled look with Jenny that bordered on amusement. You had almost gasped in shock. You hadn’t expected such a fiery reply, sure the men would stick to their Southern manners. But, oh well, everyone’s packing in fucking Texas…

“Why don’t you two go ahead? I’ll join you in a minute,” you ordered more than you earnestly proposed and shooed the two men down the hallway towards Beau’s office.

“Sure it’s such a good idea to lock those two in a room alone?” Jenny teased, her eyes lingering a little too long on Ted’s perfectly formed ass as he sauntered down the hall.

You couldn’t blame her. You had checked out Beau’s in the same breath.

“It’s only for a short time. They’re not gonna kill each other,” you laughed it off. Jenny arched a doubtful eyebrow at you. “That quickly,” you added a correction. “So, what did I miss here?” you asked and nodded towards the two men, closing the door to Beau’s office behind them. All you heard last was them talking about the recent Texans game.

Ugh, of course, they’d end up by football…

“Dick measuring contest,” Jenny supplied wryly.

“Ah, figured…”

“Well, better them than to lock Agent Y/L/N and the sheriff into the same room,” Poppernak joked with a soft chuckle as he appeared next to you and Jenny, chiming into the conversation.

You gaped at him in mock-shock. “Mo! I can’t believe you just said that,” you chided playfully.

His cheeks turned crimson red. “I’m sorry, Special Agent Y/L/N,” he apologized in a fluster.

“Mo, I told you to call me by my first name,” you reminded him with a smile. “Or I’m gonna have to start giving you silly names like Beau does.”

“Oh, I love Sheriff Arlen’s nicknames,” he quickly defended with a nervous laugh.

“Do you?” Jenny tilted her head with a questioning eyebrow.

He shrugged. “They’re clever.”

August 2020

“Old Fashioned,” you ordered with a look at the bartender, feeling Beau’s confused eyes and crinkled brow wander up to you. “Couldn’t have picked a nicer bar, huh? This place is a dump. You know that, right?”

Beau clicked his tongue and took a sip from his Ranch Water. “What are you doing here? Thought you never wanted to see me again.”

You let out a small sigh but didn’t meet his gaze. “Carla called me. Your family is worried about you.”

“I didn’t tell her where I was. How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. Carla said you haven’t been home in three days. Figured you’d gone on a bender. This is the fifth cop bar I checked out. Finally got lucky,” you said and thanked the bartender as he placed his drink in front of you. You settled down on a barstool next to Beau.

“Quite the effort. Sure I’m worth it?”

Your tongue swept over your lips. “Beau, look at me.” His forest-green eyes found yours upon your soft plea. “I’m sorry I put all that shit on you. It wasn’t fair. It’s not your fault, okay? His death isn’t on you. I know you loved him like a brother.”

“I did.” Beau took another sip of his drink. “But it is my fault. I was reckless and arrogant. We both know it.”

“It was a set-up, alright? I talked to my DEA contact. Cody said your intel was wrong. They knew you and Randy were closing in on them. They wanted to get rid of you,” you explained.

Beau smacked his lips. “I still shoulda known better. I should’ve seen it was a trap.”

“Maybe,” you admitted. You couldn’t say you would’ve done the same thing, but you knew Beau would’ve never purposely put Randy in danger if he had even the faintest idea. “But it could’ve happened to anybody. This was bigger than you knew.”

“It wouldn’t have happened to you,” he stated quietly. You couldn’t argue with that. You were more by-the-book than he was. You would’ve never gone against a superior’s order. You would’ve respected it.

“Look, just go home. Talk to your wife. Get some help,” you said. “You missed your suspension hearing, but I spoke on your behalf. Told them it wasn’t your fault. The DEA backed me. Harper’s gonna reinstate you. Just come back as soon as you’re ready.”

Beau nodded slowly. Even if he didn’t say it, you could tell he was thankful for your efforts. “I can’t go home.”

Your brow furrowed. “Why? I’m sure Carla will understand. You need to talk to someone about this. Go to therapy – and not the alcoholic kind. Losing a partner is not something you get over quickly. You need people in your corner, including your wife.”

“You mean the wife that lets criminals out on the street?” Beau’s gaze was focused on the glass in his hands. The wrinkles on your brow deepened. “The guy that shot him… Carla’s his defense attorney. Was, at least. He was supposed to do time, but two months ago, she got him paroled.” With a dark chuckle, he emptied his glass.

“Beau…” You knew he had always struggled with Carla’s job, making you sometimes wonder about their dinner conversations at home. “It ain’t her fault more than it is yours. She’s just doing her job. You know that. You’ve been together for so long, you’d think you’re used to it by now.”

Beau scoffed a chuckle and gestured to the bartender for a refill. “I was a young cop back then. Wasn’t on the job as long. I didn’t know it would bother me so much. Still lived in that hopeful bubble, I guess.”

You smiled knowingly. “You mean the ‘I didn’t think I’d see as much shit and injustice as I do now’ bubble?”

He snickered softly. “Yep, that one. Just didn’t think it’d be this hard, you know?”

“I get it. I mean, me and Carla butt heads all the time over this stuff. But we do it in a competitive fun way and then get drunk,” you said with a light chuckle. “Guess it’s different when you’re married, though, huh?”

“Yeah, it is…” he sighed.

“Still, go home. Talk to her,” you encouraged but could see your words of wisdom fell on deaf ears. “By the way, the funeral’s on Saturday.”

He turned his gaze away from his glass and found your eyes. “You need any help with that?”

“Maybe you can give a eulogy. You knew him best. I think he would’ve really liked that,” you said with a warm smile. No matter your own feelings, you knew deep down Randy would’ve wanted you to forgive his partner.

“Yeah, I can do that. Anything you need, okay?” Beau clasped your hand that laid on the bar counter and squeezed reassuringly before dropping it again.

You smiled appreciatively and teased, “Maybe show up sober. Or at least close-to.”

Beau chuckled a little. “I promise.”

You stood up from your seat then and put some cash for your drink on the counter. “Alright, I’m heading home. You need me to call you a cab?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just gonna finish this drink, then I’ll head out, too,” he said.

“You sure? Don’t make me come back here,” you threatened playfully.

Beau laughed softly. “I won’t. Thanks for everything, Y/N. I mean it.”

You sent him a smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze on your way out. “You’re welcome. Get home safe, okay?”

However, Beau couldn’t keep any of his promises. He made it home after three more drinks and woke up on the front lawn of his house. Carla wasn’t happy when she found him in the morning as she brought Emily to school. But Beau couldn’t stop. Every time he closed his eyes, the tragic events flashed before him like a horror movie, witnessing Randy’s death in a never-ending loop. He kept seeing his partner get dragged away, heard the shot over and over again like a rain of bullets without a ceasefire.

The guilt was eating him alive. The guilt of getting his partner into this mess in the first place. Of leaving him behind. Of surviving and coming out alive when he didn’t deserve to.

So, Beau kept drinking to forget, even though he knew it was a futile endeavor. The memory would never fade, but at least it was blurred.

Your heavy breaths echoed through the small trailer. His mouth moved down the column of your throat, leaving a wet path of ravenous love bites in its wake.

“Fuck, baby,” you moaned wantonly, his grip on your flesh punishing as he kept you pressed flush against him while he devoured you on the little dining table. Your ass sat on the wooden surface, your crossed ankles locked tightly behind his muscular back.

“God, you made me so happy today,” he growled against the shell of your ear, his rising length rubbing against your core through layers of denim.

“I can see that.” You giggled, your hands dangling in his hair. “There’s no need to hate him so much, you know?”

“Says you,” Beau quipped and unzipped your jeans, eagerly pulling them off you as his mouth sucked your clavicle purple and blue. “That slimy coyote always had it out for me.”

Beau removed your panties as well, tossing them behind his shoulder where they landed in the kitchen sink. “Whoops.” He grinned charmingly but was unstoppable, freeing his throbbing dick as he shoved his jeans and boxers barely over his ass. He didn’t bother to slip out of them all the way, too impatient to wait any longer to enter you.

“Still, I’m already yours. I’ve always been yours,” you said and braced yourself on his broad shoulders as one large hand on your back pulled you closer to the edge of the table. His other hand grabbed his cock, twisting his fist along the hard, long shaft a few times before he glided his cockhead through your slick folds.

“Not always.” With one harsh thrust, he pushed inside you, your tight walls fighting to make room for him and adjust to his stretch.

You gasped at the pleasurable burn that coursed through your body and ignited every sizzling nerve. He dropped his head to your shoulder, giving both of you some time to get used to each other. You could tell you were in for a wilder ride tonight. You always loved when he fucked you rough and hard. There was something raw and animalistic about the need in his hypnotizing green eyes.

Beau then claimed your lips with one fervent kiss, enough of a spark to cause a wildfire. He met your gaze, hands gingerly cupping your cheeks. “But I love that you’re mine now. And I’m sure as hell gonna make you mine tonight, darlin’.”

You crashed your lips against his, your kisses frenzied and untamed as his hips began to slam into you. His pounds into your pussy were relentless as you swallowed every inch of him. You gripped him tight, already feeling your first orgasm bloom. It accumulated like dark, violent storm clouds on the horizon, forecasting roaring thunder and heavy rainfall.

“Oh God! Fuck, baby!” You screamed as your climax tore through you like a hurricane, your cunt gushing on his cock and pulsing around him. Your nails dug into his shoulder blades and scratched down his back as you came undone.

Beau groaned into your ear, squeezing his eyes shut as he barely held on himself. But he didn’t let up and kept up his furious pace, not ready to stop yet. “Shit, keep doing that. You’re so fucking tight, Y/N,” he grunted against your skin, your sensitive flesh barely withstanding his ruthless pumps. “Want you to come again, darlin’.”

With his declaration, his hand slipped between your sweat-clad bodies. You came close to losing your mind as he thumbed furiously at your clit, the stars already starting to twinkle in front of your eyes. You could feel yourself get shoved to the edge once more, staring down the steep cliffs of white-hot ecstasy.

Your mind was consumed by need, his grip on your hips bruising as you exploded. You cried out raucously, your whole body quaking in his hold upon your eruption, the aftershocks so powerful they could cause cracks in your bones.

Beau spilled his seed deep inside of you, his body stuttering in rhythm with yours as your earthquake took him down with you. Hazy gazes met each other with lazy smiles as ragged breaths mingled.

“Fuck, that was good. I think that one might make it into our Top Ten.” Beau chuckled gravelly and placed a gentle kiss on your temple.

“Hmm, not sure. We have a few greatest hits.” You giggled and bit down on your lower lip with a mischievous twinkle in your eyes. “Can I tell you something?”

Beau cupped your cheeks, thumbs caressing the heated and rosy skin as he lifted your gaze. “Anything.”

“Just between us, you’re the best lover I ever had,” you confessed with a wide grin. The corners of his mouth rose to match yours.

“Well, between us, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. You’re it, darlin’. You know that, right? You’re the love of my life,” Beau revealed, making you smile brighter than you ever had before.

“I’m not sure about the sex, but this moment, right here, is probably gonna make it into the Top Ten,” you said softly as a few tears stung your eyes.

“Good.” Beau smiled and pecked your forehead.

The buzzing of a phone shifted your attention. You recognized it as yours, and Beau was quick to retrieve it from your jeans pocket in the pile of clothes on the floor.

“It’s Jenny,” you told him before picking up. “Hello… What?! Uh-huh, we’ll be right there.”

Beau’s brow furrowed as he watched your features flicker through an array of emotions. “Bad news?”

“Uhm, honestly, I don’t know,” you said and swallowed some of your confusion down, gathering your thoughts. “Jenny said Diane just walked into the station and gave herself up. She is ready to confess but only wants to talk to us.”

“Us? As in us two?” Beau’s eyes narrowed. You nodded. “Well, that doesn’t sound fishy at all,” he commented wryly.

“Yup, I don’t like it.”

Chapter 8: Chemical Bonds – JUNE 26

A lot of revelations and foreboding in this one... 👀 Also, I just love having Beau say the word "coyotes" for some reason 😂

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#polaris #beau arlen #beau arlen x reader #beau arlen series #beau arlen x you #beau arlen x female reader #beau arlen fanfiction #jensen ackles #jensen ackles characters #lovely mutuals #zepskies reads

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chloemarievaughan · 2 years ago

Text

And we’re off! May 19, Ghent

The last time I left the country was following college graduation on 2015, went on a fantastic family trip to Europe, and then my family flew home and I did another three weeks solo, had the absolute best time, flew home and the next month moved to Nashville, started grad school and quickly realized… my grad school budget did not leave much room for international travel 😂 then in 2020 the funniest thing happened… and my passport expired!

Fast forward to 2023 and Mike Vaughan decides to hike the Appalachian trail (he’s thriving and having the best time! He’ll be done in November) and so Lori Holycross Vaughan was suddenly available to be my travel buddy! got my passport renewed, we picked a date and decided on a ten day trip to Belgium and the Netherlands! Fitting because I ended my last international trip in Brussels 🙂

Writing this on the plane to London… Mom and I made it to the airport, thanks to Grandma Jean for the ride! I’m supposed to be sleeping. I am sitting in the worst possible spot for sleeping because my two neighbors are fascinating strangers and have struck up a super interesting conversation and I am hooked. (Are they flirting? is this a rom com meet cute?) the man is from England and was former military and now does some sort of international sports job where he teaches people about cricket, the sport. Sounds fake to me (the sport and the job). He has traveled a lot and his favorite country so far was Uzbekistan. The girl is from New York City and used to have an 80 year old roommate who owned an Italian bakery and baked her cannolis every day while she was studying, and she just got back from a trip to the Galapagos where she was doing some sort of cruise and hopefully something turtle related. Now they are talking about every single sport they are both interested in, the man is hoping ice hockey will become more popular in the UK, the woman prefers college basketball to the NBA. I hope they fall in love after this but they NEED to stop talking I am never going to go to sleep if they continue to be this interesting 😂

Update: the three year old across the aisle to me has now started singing loudly, I’m not sure which is worse for my odds of falling asleep… 4 hours to go 😬

-Miracle of miracles I fell asleep! Before they stopped talking too!

Update #3: Kristen and Dan exchanged names and numbers before getting off the plane! Very cute. but annoying 😂

Mom and I saved a few hundred dollars by flying into London and taking the Eurostar to Belgium… added some complexity into our journey though. Landed in London at 6 am, (we were the first plane to land once the airport opened haha), and then had an hour ride on the tube (thought of Dad while we heard “mind the gap” over and over again). Then we had a Eurostar to Belgium, but we were Extremely early. We went for a stroll around St Pancras Station, watched some double decker buses passing by at Pret a Manger with some Americanos. it felt like 3 am to us at this point. Eventually meandered back to St Pancras to check in for the Eurostar. When I went to London in 2015, it was pre Brexit, and so we didn’t need to go through immigration at the Eurostar, but now we did. It was fine and really didn’t take long but it seems like the station was not really designed with immigration in mind and there were SO many people in the station waiting to board the Eurostar. Most off to Paris+ Disneyland Paris, but some were on our train to Brussels, which had its final destination in Amsterdam. Our train on a Friday afternoon could more accurately be described as the drunk stag party train… even with earplugs it was the absolute loudest train I had ever been on. And I thought the Kristen and Dan saga preventing me from sleeping earlier was the worst… didn’t realize how much worse it could be. Seemed like they were all having a blast on the way to Amsterdam but again I didn’t really get any sleep haha.

Once we arrived in Brussels, we immediately got on the next train to Gent. While it was a really nice train, it was the wrong one- we were supposed to go on a direct train to Ghent taking 30 minutes and instead we stopped at every station and took over an hour to get there. Then we got our City Card- 48 hours of Ghent museums, public transportation and travel opportunities. We could have (in retrospect should have!) taken a tram to the city center/ where our hotel was, but decided to stretch our legs due to being tired of sitting down on trains and planes for hours and hours. this was a mistake as moms phone was getting close to dying, there were really narrow sidewalks, and cobblestone streets made it unpleasant to wheel our suitcases around for 30 minutes haha. Also, Ghent is absolutely Jam Packed with People this weekend- aparently unbeknownst to us it was a holiday weekend in Belgium and also there was some sort of festival. Finally made it to the hotel, recovered a bit, freshened up, and went on a stroll of the surrounding areas (spoiler alert: weather is Fantastic and I’m already in love with Ghent just from our stroll) and the sat in the St Baafs church square near our hotel and had an absolutely fantastic meal + some large, much needed Belgian beers. Now back in the hotel, relearned some old card games from long ago while trying desperately to stay awake until 9 pm to help us adjust to the time change. 27 minutes left until 9pm local time as I finish up this post… not sure I’m gonna make it 😂 more to come!

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oblivionsdream · 3 years ago

Note

Do you have any book recommendations?

Oh I’ve always got rec’s 😆

I apologize for the length. I originally tried to keep it brief but then gave up. I have too many books I would love of gush about. 😂

-I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga: YA, thriller, son of a serial killer has to clear his name after similar murders to his father starts popping up. It’s dark but has a lot of snark and some rather lovable characters

-The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: adult, LGBTQ+, a retelling of the Iliad that tells the story of Patroclus and Achilles

-Circe by Madeline Miller: adult, a retelling of the story of the witch Circe from Greek Mythology.

-Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer: a dark twisted supernatural YA, this is definitely for people who like screwed up characters that are definitely not the good guys. Maybe check out the trigger warnings before reading though

-Vicious by V.E Schwab: adult, it’s a roommates to enemies story where things go horribly wrong for two college roommates who do an experiment to gain super powers. One of them ends up in prison for ten years and once he gets out he’s determined to get revenge on the other. Also another book with screwed up dark characters.

-Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson: YA, fantasy, magic library, magic books, amazing characters and had the best demon servant ever. I really can’t hype this book enough

-Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta: YA, I can’t even begin to describe how this book made me feel. It follows two generations as it goes between past and present as Taylor deals with her past and the mystery of her mother who abandoned her on the Jellicoe Road

-In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan- YA, LGBTG+, fantasy, SO good and SO funny, kind of makes fun of a lot of fantasy tropes and the MC is such a snarky boy. Honestly just amazing

-Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon: adult, fantasy, LGBTQ+, epic fantasy with kick ass women and DRAGONS

-Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo: New Adult, Dark Academia with ghosts and some magic. Second book is coming out at the beginning of next year and I cannot wait!

-If We We’re Villians by M.L Rio: Adult, Dark Academia, Theatre students with a bit of murder, very good especially if you’re a fan of Shakespeare

-The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Reid Jenkins: adult, LGBTQ+, about the life of a golden age movie star

-Daisy Jones and the Six by Taylor Reid Jenkins: adult, about a 70’s rock band

-Malibu Rising by Taylor Reid Jenkins: adult, about the kids of a rock star who are all surfers. Honestly my favorite by this author. As an older sister who helped raise her younger siblings it hit very close to home

-Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas: YA, LGBTQ+, MC accidentally summons a ghost and they try to figure out the mystery of how he died and also what happened to the MC’s cousin.

-Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun: adult, rom com, LGBTQ+, involves a reality dating show but the main bachelor ends up falling for one of the guys working on the show. Super cute and wholesome

-One to Watch by Kate Stayman-London: adult, romance, another reality dating show but the MC is a plus sized woman. Super good book but warning for some fat phobia

-Tarot Sequence by K.D Edwards- adult, LGBTQ+, urban fantasy, great found family, lots of action and snark, MC is the last surviving member of the Sun Court and in the first book he gets hired to find the missing son of Lady Judgement (make sure to check the trigger warnings before reading)

-Literally anything by TJ. Klune but here are my favs

The Green Creek series: adult, LGBTQ+, werewolves, great found family,

How to be a Normal Person: adult, LGBTQ+, MC runs a movie rental store and falls for the new asexual hipster barista. Homestly just super cute and funny

House in the Cerulean Sea: all ages appropriate, fantasy, LGBTQ+, MC is a essentially a social worker for magic kids and he gets sent to evaluate an orphanage that houses the anti christ and falls for the childrens care giver. This may be the cutest book I have ever had the privilege of reading

-Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao: YA, Sci Fi, LGBTQ+, blood thirsty bad ass woman MC who is out to get revenge on her sisters killer and also fights aliens in a giant mechs suit

-Winters Orbit by Everina Maxwell: adult, Sci Fi, LGBTQ+, arranged marriage trope where the two MC’s are also trying to solve a murder to stop an interplanetary war

-Sadie by Courtney Summers: YA, thriller, a pod cast follows the story of Sadie, a missing girl who is out for revenge for the death of her sister. I could not put this one down

-To Be or Not to Be by Ryan North: this one is just a fun choose your own adventure Hamlet retelling. It’s so chaotic

-Legendborn by Tracy Deonn: YA, fantasy, it’s like the story of Arthur but reinvented and was just a fun time.

-Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green: I’m not usually a non fiction kind of person but this was lovely, very introspective and filled with life

-We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson: YA, LGBTQ+, MC has been abducted by aliens but no body believes him. The aliens give him a choice- if he presses this button humanity will be saved. If he doesn’t everyone will die. The MC has decide whether humanity is truly worth saving after all.

-Our Bloody Pearl by D.N Bryn: adult, fantasy, LGBTQ+, a blood thirsty siren gets captured by pirates and held prisoner for a year until they are essentially rescued when a different set of pirates attack and take over the ship. They slowly begin to trust and befriend the new pirate captain

-Check, Please! by Ngozi Ukazu: sports, LGBTQ+, graphic novel, hockey, baking and a great team of friends, super cute and funny

-Fence by C.S Pacat and Sarah Rees Brennan: sports, LGBTQ+, it’s both a mixture of graphic novels and regular novels, involves fencing and a cast of lovable characters, also very funny

-Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg: adult, LGBTQ+, this one is an older book but I love it, it’s the story of a small town in the South and the people who live there. The movie is also splendid and one of my favorites of all time.

#I tried to include a variety of books #hope this helps!#book recs

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ladymarycrawley · 3 years ago

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Lazy Sunday - Mason Mount

So here's a little blurb inspired to the most weird day of the week aka Sunday 😂 Enjoy 💕

(I'm really enjoying the writing thing, can you tell?)

___________________________________________

You were both sitting on the sofa, a rom-com in the background but you weren’t paying much attention to it.

Mason was next to you, sprawled on the soft surface with his head against the backrest, his eyes watching the film on tv absentmindedly.

You were there with your knees bent against your chest, eyes glued on the tv until a sigh from your boyfriend caught your attention so you shifted your focus on him.

You took in all his beauty: his features were perfect to you, from his fluffy hair to his gorgeous smile, by way of his nose to finish with his now growing beard.

A smile appeared on your lips, as it’d happen anytime you laid your eyes on him.

You moved your hand to his cheek, rubbing his cheekbone and letting his stubble scratch your skin.

His lips curved into a smile too.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yep, why?”

You let out a little sigh while shifting closer to his body and laying your head on his shoulder. His mouth planted a soft kiss on your left temple.

Your left arm wrapped around his waist.

“Just a bit tired”

You let out a loud yawn, making Mason giggle.

“I think someone here’s tired too” This wins you another kiss, on your forehead now.

“Yeah...I don’t feel like going back to work tomorrow”

Actually you spent a great day with Mason, even though you didn’t do anything special: you just stayed in bed longer than usual, resulting in you two cuddling and rolling carelessly between the sheets, you had a shower - of course you had it together, saving water is very important to you - cooking brunch together while doing silly dance moves to your pop playlist.

Then you went out for a walk, the warm setting sun lighting up your steps as you walked hand in hand.

While you were out you did Facetime with Mason’s family, in particular with little Summer that had his uncle wrapped around her finger.

You got a little emotional when his family asked you when you were going to see them in Portsmouth, because they were missing you: the moment you met his family you remember feeling terribly anxious because you feared they wouldn’t like you (your shy and introvert personality always made it a bit difficult for you to get to know new people) but they all have been extremely nice.

You fought the tears forming in your eyes but Mason saw that out of the corner of his eye and tried to comfort you by putting his hand on your thigh and squeezing it.

That perfect day was going towards its ending and you didn’t want it, spending quality time with Mason was something you couldn't do often due to his job so when days like this happened you wanted to live them up to the fullest.

While your head was busy reliving everything you did a few hours earlier, your body relaxed as Mason massaged your scalp with his fingers.

You groaned with your eyes shut, earning an amused laugh from your boyfriend.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night”

“Mhh...but that’s not enough”

“What happened to my lazy and antisocial girlfriend?” He messed with you, referring to your reserved personality that immediately changed when being around him.

You playfully hit his arm and he pretends to be in pain.

“Where’s my babygirl? Where is she?” He kept on asking that playful question when he started tickling you and you squirmed in his hands.

“Mason Tony Mount get off me!!!!” You screamed as you were trying to catch a breath.

Now he was all over you and he extended his torture by adding neck and face kisses to his hands that were tickling your hips.

The house was filled with your laughter that was soon replaced by the sound of Mason’s sloppy kisses on your lips.

You grabbed his face between your hands to deepen the kiss.

“I love you Mase” You whisper out of breath when he got away from your mouth.

“I love you too Y/N”

“I love spending days like this with you”

“Like what? Like me being all over you?”

You roll your eyes with a smile and hit him on the shoulder. “No silly, of you and me doing nothing together”

He smiled, laying his head on your chest, waiting for you to massage his scalp with shut eyes.

“But you being all over me sounds like a good plan too…”

#mason mount #mason mount fics #mason mount imagine #mason mount blurb #mason mount x reader #england nt #england nt imagine #chelsea #chelsea imagines #premier league

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zepskies · 1 year ago

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Hey, hun!! I hope you're doing better. ❤️

First off: 7,000 words??? 😲 Giiiirl, you're not messing around here. 😂

LOL no I am not! 😂 Really I just go where the story takes me, and I had to tell a lot of story in this chapter. I probably could've broken it up, but it would change the flow, and it would make you guys wait longer for more of the story!

The murder mystery is really getting interesting. The way you put that whole backstory into this AU world is so intruging. Will Azazel really be Azazel or is it a synonym for someone else? And are there people involved to help him that we would not think they could do such a thing? 🤔

Ooh all good questions which will be answered in time, but I love that you're speculating!

But I'm getting worried about John. He has been obsessed with the hunt for the murderer of Mary once, but now that there are so many similarities, I fear that he will fall back into his old habits. Luckily, he still told Dean what he really knew. Even though I feel like that that was Cass' doing. He's always looking out for his best friend.

So my interpretation of John is more lenient than most. I think considering the era he was raising his kids in (80s - 90s), the childhood he himself had, being a Marine veteran, plus the trauma he went through losing Mary, I think John did the best he could for the times. Was he a perfect parent? Of freakin' course not. He had many issues. But when he was faced with a choice: continuing his obsession and saving his family, he ultimately gave up his chance at revenge, and his life to save Dean.

That being said, I'm very much taking that attitude when writing this AU. 😉

Our two lovebirds having a hard time matching their schedule to see eachother was what I thought how it would be. But so glad that they still talk on the phone and get to know the other one more. And from what you described, it all looks reeeeaaaally good so far. 🤭

Haha they are, aren't they? The struggles of adulting lol. But they're finding ways to make it work!

Gordon, Gordon, Gordon... He made it so NOT obvious that he was trying to get into Y/N pants. 😒 I really don't like the guy. I hope that he got the message, but with knowing his character I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't back off that easy. 🙄

Lmfao yeah he was a bit aggressive, wasn't he? We haven't seen the last of Gordon, but he's going to heed Dean's unspoken warning. He didn't know they were together. And my characterization of him is that he wouldn't cross that line against a "fellow brother" at the firehouse.

And Jo... I knew she would not let it go. And I was really expecting her to do more damage. Jealousy is just not pretty. But the little things she sad where still enough to make Y/N insecure. Although Meg started it. 🙈

Yeah, I wasn't trying to villainize Jo. In fact, I was trying to stay as close to her character as possible: immature at times, headstrong, but ultimately good-hearted. (And Meg did start it lol.)

And then 😍 you gave us this romance movie type scene on the crosswalk while they took the next step in their relationship of becoming something serious. I could fully imagine it in my head. 🥰

Aww I love that, thank you!! Love that you called it a rom com moment essentially, because that's exactly what it was in hindsight. 😂

And he felt safe enough to open up about the news from his father to her. And Y/N just knowing that this was something that weighted heavy on Dean and her trying not to say some generic words and make him see that she feels for him, was so well thought of. 💞

I feel like Dean in this AU would be a bit more open with others than canon Dean, just because this Dean hasn't gone through as much trauma. He still had a stable home life after Mary's death, more or less. So he's gotten to a point with the reader that he feels comfortable enough to take that chance (and in that moment, he really needed the listening ear).

Oh man 🙈 my comments keep getting longer and longer. I'm really sorry about that but I'm just so investetd in this story. 😂 Well done! 😁

No worries, hun! I love it, don't apologize. I'm so glad that you're invested! 💕

Smoke Eater - Part 6

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real.

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

🔥Series Masterlist

Word Count: 7,000 Tags/Warnings: Fluff, jealousy, angst, hurt/comfort

Part 6: “Just Casual”

A few days after the house fire that claimed the life of Paul Richardson, father of two, Chief Bobby Singer was joined in his office by Detectives Winchester and Novak, along with his resident Squad Captain and Truck Lieutenant, Benny and Dean.

“The Richardson fire has officially been determined an arson,” Bobby revealed.

“They found a time-delay incendiary device hidden in the attic. No fingerprints. But that’s not even the odd thing,” he said. “The medical examiner found a brand mark on his wrist that was inconsistent with his other burns. Which is why you’re here, I reckon.”

Bobby directed his gaze at both John and Cas, who didn’t look surprised to hear this news.

Dean raised a brow. His gaze shifted to his father, but John only met his stare for a moment before he answered Bobby’s unspoken question.

“We’ve been investigating a series of murders in the area over the past six months,” John said. “Each victim died in their home, with the same brand somewhere on their body. Typically the wrist, or the back of the neck.”

“So we officially have a serial killer turned arsonist on our hands,” Bobby concluded. His attention shifted to Benny and Dean. “Keep this close to the vest, but keep your eyes open.”

“Arsonists are hard to catch,” Dean said, looking to the detectives. “What do you know about this guy?”

Cas glanced at John. The older man could feel his stare, but had to ignore it for now.

“Not much as of yet,” John said. “Right now he’s a coil of smoke, if you’ll pardon the phrase. Our psychologist says he’s most likely a white male, statistically speaking. College educated, or at the very least intelligent, efficient, and so far, he thinks every step through. Like he said, no prints. But the brand is a message.”

“To who, and why, is what we’ve been trying to figure out,” Cas added. “We think that’s the key to pinpointing a suspect.”

“Really,” Dean said. He raised a brow and crossed his arms. “Six months, and that’s all you’ve got?”

“Dean,” John started, but the Lieutenant shook his head.

“Come on, Dad. I know you. Who is this guy?”

“Dean, this is the best I can give you right now, but believe me, we’re working on it,” John said, that tone that boded no further argument.

Bullshit, Dean wanted to shoot back. But he held his tongue for now. He knew that John wouldn’t budge. Instinct still told Dean that his father was holding something back though.

As the men filtered out of Bobby’s office, Dean held Cas back for a moment.

“Watch the old man’s back, all right,” Dean said. “He’s got a penchant for being reckless.”

Cas gave him a wry, pointed look. “I’m doing my best. Winchesters are a stubborn lot.”

Dean smirked and walked out with him. Meg was headed inside, having just come in from an ambulance call. She smiled when she saw her boyfriend.

“Hey, lover,” she greeted. And she smacked his ass in front of God and the entire Rescue Squad, who liked to sit outside the firehouse and play cards at their table.

Ramirez and the others smirked and called out their customary whoops and cat calls. Dean smirked at the actual blushing discomfort that tightened up Cas’s face and shoulders.

“Dinner tonight at Casablanca’s, right?” Meg asked, unfazed by the catcalling peanut gallery.

“Right,” Cas said stiffly. But he still brushed her cheek with his thumb in affection. “See you later.”

“Yep,” she nodded, though she shot Dean a wry brow. “What? I stole your boyfriend. Get over it.”

She continued on her path back inside the firehouse, leaving Dean and Cas to stare after her in annoyance and begrudging fondness, respectively.

Dean turned to his friend and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Good luck and Godspeed, my friend. That woman’s fuckin’ terrifying.”

Cas gave him a lazy salute as he walked away. He found that John had already started up their police car. He was in the driver’s seat, as always, with a hand resting casually on the steering wheel.

Dean typically sat in much the same way. Cas thought both men were more comfortable in a car than anywhere else in life. Except, maybe, the precinct and the firehouse.

Cas slid into the passenger seat and gave his partner a knowing look.

“I still think you should tell Sam and Dean what’s really happening here,” he said.

John looked over at him with an almost unreadable expression. But they had been partners for a few years now; long enough for Cas to get a read on the older veteran.

“I understand why you want to keep them out of this, but now this guy is starting fires. Here, in Dean’s district,” Cas pointed out. “Wouldn’t it be safer for him if he had clearer eyes walking into the next one?”

If, God forbid, something should go wrong on the next call Dean responded to, John would never forgive himself. Both he and Cas knew this, but John never answered his partner’s question. He didn’t want his sons getting their noses in this just yet, even if it meant the worry he saw in Dean’s eyes.

So he put the car in “drive” and peeled away from the firehouse.

Trying to match your schedule with Dean’s was a challenge you two were trying to figure out. Though you’d fallen into a pattern of talking on the phone to fill the void when you two couldn’t meet.

Even after almost two more weeks and a third date, you were pleasantly surprised that you and Dean still had plenty to talk about. You told him more about your childhood with your grandparents, while he told you funny stories about him and Sam growing up with their dad, though he was often gone while working on cases.

It was family friend and Fire Chief, Bobby Singer who looked after them whenever John couldn’t, or his old partner Jody Mills, or even Ellen Harvelle, owner of the Roadhouse.

The more you learned about Dean, the more invested you became. And he listened to you when you went on tangents about new recipes you wanted to try out (as long as he got to be your official Taste Tester).

You two argued, playfully and fervently, about music. And you’d been creating a list of old shows the other hadn’t seen, but absolutely needed to.

Dean had suggested Dukes of Hazzard, for example, while you suggested Smallville. You each only agreed to put up with this list if you two watched it together. (Needless to say, there would be some marathon binge watching in your future.)

That was why you didn’t think much of it when Dean invited you to join him at the Roadhouse to meet Cas, one of his best friends, and his girlfriend Meg. You’d invited Andréa to come along, and even Dean’s friend Benny, who she’d also been seeing ever since that night at the Roadhouse.

Apparently, the couple had their own plans.

You tried not to feel some type of way about her brush-off, but your friend had been increasingly distant since she met Benny Lafitte. However, you supposed you couldn’t judge. You hadn’t been calling her as much either, ever since you met Dean.

You knew that if you kept dating him, some adjustments would have to come in your life. You also promised yourself that you’d never be someone who forgot your friends for a man…even for a man like Dean Winchester.

Tonight, however, you’d come directly from work to meet him at the bar. It made more sense than to make him come pick you up from your house, so you sat with a ginger ale while you waited. He’d promised you via text that he was on the way, just stuck in traffic.

Okay, drive safe. 😘 Don’t speed, please.

You knew how he liked floor the Impala with that damn lead foot of his.

No promises. 🏎️

You wanted to roll your eyes, but you were smiling unconsciously as you read his reply.

You were soon knocked out of your thoughts when a smooth voice said your name. You looked up and to your right, and there stood a familiar face. The man greeted you with an easy smile as he sat down next to you.

“I thought that was you,” he said. He reached out his hand and re-introduced himself. “Gordon Walker. Not sure if you remember me.”

“Oh, yes! Of course I do, Gordon,” you smiled and shook his hand.

“It’s good to see you again,” he said. His dark eyes subtly took you in from head to toe in your skirt, heels, and blouse. “Though I’ve gotta admit, I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Ah, right,” you said. “Well—”

Before you could explain, Gordon held up a finger as he noticed your drink of choice.

“Oh, wait a sec. Let me get you something stronger than soda,” he said. He started to flag down Jo, but you shook your head and made a cutting motion with your hand.

“Uh, no, that’s okay,” you said. “I’m waiting for someone.”

“What?” Gordon asked.

It was getting busy in the bar, making it loud enough that you could understand why he hadn’t heard you. You leaned over towards his ear.

“I’m good for now, thanks,” you said, raising your voice a bit. Gordon leaned in even closer and chanced resting a hand above your knee.

“You sure?” he asked. He gave you a smile that was all smooth sex appeal and confidence, without being arrogant.

It was undoubtedly attractive, but you were more shocked than charmed in your blush. You instinctively leaned back when you felt his hand on your thigh. Your hand clenched on the counter.

While your brain scrambled to figure out a response that would successfully remove it (without snapping rudely like you were itching to), a hand slipped along your lower back.

You jolted a bit in your seat with a flare of unease, until you turned your head and found Dean.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted, and dropped a kiss at your hairline. He also clapped a heavy hand on Gordon’s shoulder and squeezed. The other man graciously got the hint and leaned back, withdrawing his hand from your thigh.

“Hi,” you said, finally able to breathe a bit easier. You gave Dean a smile, and he returned it.

He looked over at his friend with a sharper smile. “Hey, Gord. How’s your night goin’?”

“Good.” Gordon nodded, now with a knowing gleam in his eye. “Though I’m sure your night’s gonna go better.”

You weren’t sure how to take that remark, considering the way Dean reacted with a tighter expression and pursed lips. Then, they flickered at a smile.

“Well, we’re meeting up with Meg and Cas in a minute. You should join us,” Dean said. Even though his tone wasn’t so very inviting. The two men seemed to have a wordless conversation between the lines that you couldn’t decipher.

Gordon shook his head, but raised his drink. “No worries, you guys hang. I’m leaving in a few.”

“All right. Let us know if you change your mind,” Dean said. He thumped Gordon once more on the back, more friendly this time.

Dean’s other hand slipped around your waist. He tapped you on the side.

“Come on, I’ve got us a table. It’s quieter,” he said.

You nodded and slid out of your seat. You offered Gordon a polite smile, even if you’d rather not.

“Have a good night,” you said.

The other man’s smile was less flirtatious and more polite this time as well.

“You too,” he said.

Dean helped you onto your feet, like the gentleman he was, and he continued to lead you away from the bar with a hand on the small of your back. You instinctively pressed against his side to squeeze past the throng of patrons.

When you reached a high-top table in the corner, he pulled out your chair and held your hand as you climbed up in your skirt. You thanked him with a more genuine smile. Though once he was seated next to you, you leaned towards him and laid a hand on his arm, which rested on the table.

“I tried to tell him I was waiting for you. He took me by surprise,” you whispered.

Dean’s brows rose, but his face soon evened out with a smile. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Don’t worry about it. He didn’t know about us,” he said. “He was shootin’ his shot…a bit aggressively. Sorry about that.”

“Oh…it’s okay. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” you replied. Though butterflies ran through your belly when you considered what us meant.

You noted his frown at what you’d said though, and so you aimed to change the subject.

“But Cas and Meg know, right?” you asked.

Dean nodded. His frown started to lift. “Yeah. Cas is one of my best friends. Meg is…well. She’s the little sister I wish I didn’t have.”

You shook your head in amusement. Then you let out a squeal as Dean hooked a foot around the leg of your chair and brought you closer. He stopped you from becoming too unbalanced by wrapping an arm around your waist. You clenched your hands into the open panels of his plaid shirt, and his charming smile greeted you.

“Hi,” he said.

You laughed. “Yeah, you mentioned that earlier.”

“Well, I’m doing it right this time,” he said. And he dipped down for a lingering kiss.

Across the bar was Jo Harvelle, doing her job behind the counter. She poured five shots in succession and doled them out to a party of frat bros without even looking.

Her eyes were drawn to the back corner of the bar, where you and Dean sat closely together, exchanging whispers and the occasional steamy kiss.

“Mind your business,” came Ellen’s whisper in her ear.

Jo whipped her head to glare softly at her mother, but she saw Ellen’s point. It was both obvious and pathetic of her to stare.

Despite the unease making her feel a bit sick to her stomach, Jo went over to Gordon down at the end. His sympathetic smile bothered her; she knew then she hadn’t just been caught by her mother.

“Interesting, isn’t it?” he remarked.

“What?” Jo said. She began wiping down his area of the counter. “Would it kill you to keep it in the glass?”

Gordon gave her an amused look as he sat back in his seat. His tumbler of whiskey was drained.

“Look, I’m sorry, all right?” he said.

Both of them knew he wasn’t apologizing for the spill.

Jo’s brows knitted together, mostly in annoyance. “Again, for what?”

“I know it’s gotta be hard to see him actually moving on,” he replied.

Her lips pursed, and her eyes darted to the back of the room again. She stared for a moment at the side of your face.

“Knowing him, whatever it is won’t last,” she muttered.

Gordon hissed at the "burn," with a deep chuckle. She knew her words weren’t kind, but it was how she felt.

“That may be,” he allowed. “But he’s not just chasing tail anymore. That’s what scares you.”

Gordon dropped a nice tip for her next to his glass. He grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and left Jo with the churning in her gut.

Cas and Meg finally arrived a few minutes later.

Dean knew you’d been to the Roadhouse before, but this was different. You were meeting some of his friends, and he realized how much he wanted you to. He felt…comfortable around you. And he wanted his friends to know you, and to like you.

“As you know, Meg’s our Paramedic in Charge over at 25,” he began, gesturing at the woman as she got settled in her seat.

You admired her long brown hair, tall boots, and black leather jacket. She seemed to ooze confidence and dark charisma as she tossed you a smirk.

“Guilty,” she said.

You smiled back. Dean gestured at her boyfriend next, clad in a beige trench coat, slacks, and blazer.

“And Cas, who bravely suffers being my dad’s partner on the job.”

Cas nodded wryly at the introduction. His dark hair and blue eyes were striking, you could admit. His tie was loose and slightly rumpled. Along with the stubble coating his face, he was handsome, if a bit scruffy. It was hard for you to believe he’d earned the top scores his year in the Police Academy, but you supposed that looks could be deceiving.

“What’s that like?” you asked with a smirk. “From what I’ve heard about John Winchester, he sounds like he’s a bit of a hard-ass.”

Dean barked with a dry laugh. “An understatement.”

“He has a crab-like shell,” Cas agreed. “But he has a soft center where it counts, not unlike his sons.”

You turned to Dean with a more teasing smile. “Aww…”

He rolled his eyes, even though his arm, which had been draped across the back your chair, now dropped to curl around your waist.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Columbo,” he remarked at his blue-eyed friend.

Always had to get the last dig in, it seemed, but you couldn’t help but laugh a little along with Meg at Cas’s expense.

“You guys all seem really close,” you said. It was nice for you to see.

Dean shrugged like it was no big deal. Or rather, like it was commonplace.

“Well, maybe family ain’t just about blood,” he said.

Meg rolled her eyes. “Ugh. What a friggin’ sap.”

“You love it,” Dean grinned. She smiled, begrudgingly.

Family ain’t just about blood.

You liked that sentiment as well. It seemed to be true here.

Even Ellen Harvelle treated Dean like a son when she came over to greet your table. She kissed his cheek and gave Meg and Cas’s shoulders a squeeze. Even you got a warm hand on your shoulder when she introduced herself.

“Welcome, hun. I understand it’s not your first time here, but if you got any questions on the menu, you let me know,” she said.

Dean shot you a conspiratorial smile, and it got you wondering what he was about to do.

“I mean, I don’t know why you don’t put the order in for chili fries the second you see me come through the door,” he teased. “Come on, Ellen. How long’ve I been coming here? Since before I had a license?”

Ellen narrowed her eyes and flicked the side of Dean’s head, regardless of his flinching protest.

“Don’t you go sayin’ that so damn loud,” she reproached. “You never drank underage at my bar.”

His eyes averted with a smile, in a way that told you Ellen was a damn liar. You bit your lip to try and hide your smile.

“Anyway, I’ll get your damn fries—”

“And a beer,” Dean interjected. She rolled her eyes.

“And a beer. Four?” she pointed at the rest of you, and you, Cas, and Meg nodded in agreement.

“All right, four beers. Anything else, darlin’?” She looked at you with a mother’s charm.

You looked up from the menu and unconsciously smiled.

“Um, sure. Can I get the chicken sandwich?”

She patted your shoulder. “You sure can.”

Ellen then took the rest of their orders without writing a thing down. You were impressed by her memory. At the end though, Dean didn’t let her go without a hand on her arm.

“Thanks, Ellen,” he said with a more sincere smile.

“A-huh,” she replied, with all due sarcasm. But there was a fondness in her eyes that was hard to miss when she playfully grabbed the back of his neck. “Knucklehead.”

A giggle escaped you, and Ellen tossed you a wink before she went to put in the orders and get the drinks.

Conversation flowed easier when the alcohol came. One beer became two, and even three (four, for Meg). By then, you were sure it was one beer too many for yourself, but you didn’t want to be the odd one out. You were mostly listening to the three of them bounce back and forth between reminiscing with old stories and roasting one another mercilessly.

It was hilarious and entertaining, but you were trying not to get caught in the crosshairs of the volleying. Inevitably though, Meg’s attention turned to you with a certain sly smile.

“You must be real special,” she remarked, gesturing at Dean. “He usually doesn’t bring his girls around here, where he actually likes to hang out. Guess that’d mean he’d have to see ‘em again with the lights on.”

You blinked in surprise.

“Meg,” Dean’s voice cut like a warning.

Your eyes widened as you took in the change, his deeper voice, his more serious gaze, versus Meg’s nonchalance. Even Cas gave her a chiding look.

“Not sure I want to know what that means,” you tried to joke.

But you could guess. It was fairly obvious.

You glanced over at Dean, whose lips pursed. Before either of you could say anything more, Meg chimed in.

“Oooh, is this gonna be your first fight?” she teased.

Dean’s brows furrowed with a glare. “That’s enough.”

“And that’s our cue,” Cas nodded. He’d already slipped out his wallet as soon as his girlfriend started talking. He left a generous few bills to cover their half of the night, plus tip, and got up out of his seat. He claimed his coat and then encouraged Meg off her chair.

“What? I’m not done with my beer,” she protested.

“I think you are,” Cas said.

Meg scoffed, but she allowed his manhandling as he wrapped a supportive arm around her waist.

“You’re not the boss of me, Clarence,” she snipped.

“Certainly not,” he agreed. “But you’re a lightweight. Time to go home, before you insult the entire bar.”

“You’re no fucking fair,” she groused, hitting his chest over his jacket. Cas leveled you and Dean with a long-suffering look of apology.

Dean waved him off with a “no sweat it” look and a shake of his head. Meg annoyed the shit out of him sometimes, especially when she was drunk. He turned to you with a sigh.

“Again, sorry about that. I didn’t think I’d have to apologize for my friends more than once tonight,” he said.

You shook your head. “It’s...okay. Overall, they were really fun.”

Dean scoffed. “I don’t think Cas has been called fun even once in his life.”

You smiled in amusement, but Meg’s words still swirled around in your head like heady wine.

“Dean,” you began, but your attempt to broach the issue was cut off by his cell phone ringing. He gave you an apologetic look and fished in his pocket for his phone. His brows rose when he saw the caller ID.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I gotta take this,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, okay—” You’d barely nodded when Dean was up and out of his chair, heading out of the bar. You could still see him through one of the faded glass doors as he held the phone up to his ear.

It was late, and quieter now. A blonde server came to take your plates, and you actually remembered her.

“Oh, hi! Jo, right?” you asked. She hesitated when you spoke, but she bobbed her head.

“That’s me,” she said. “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks,” you said with a smile. “I met your mom. She’s really nice.”

Jo uttered a wry laugh as she stacked the plates and silverware. You helped her collect the silverware and empty beer bottles.

“Yeah, when you get her good side,” she replied.

You smirked at that, remembering how Ellen snapped back and forth with Dean. You had no doubt that woman could be a pistol if you pissed her off.

“Well, it's nice here,” you admitted, once again taking stock of the décor. The music, the warm lighting, the good food… “It’s cozy.”

Jo’s smile quirked to one side as she paused.

“Well, it’s been in my family for three generations of Harvelles,” she said. “This was my father’s favorite place in the world.”

You caught the note of melancholy in her words, in her eyes.

“Was?” you echoed. She met your gaze and nodded.

“He was a firefighter,” she said. “He died on the job.”

You dimmed considerably. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Jo only nodded.

“How did he…” Your curiosity got the best of you, but you soon shook your head and backtracked. “Never mind, you don’t have to explain.”

“It was a fire that wasn’t properly vented,” Jo answered your half-spoken question. Her blue eyes were heavier. “He got caught in an updraft…but he actually worked at Firehouse 25. He was their brother. That’s why this’ll always be their place.”

You processed that with a slow nod of wonder.

“It’s good that you and your mom will always have that support,” you said eventually. “Even though…it might be hard too, to always be reminded.”

Jo’s lips quirked again. “It’s more the first one, but…sometimes the second one. A lot of these guys have known me since I had braces. It’s hard to shake that perpetual little sister thing.”

You smiled at that. “Yeah, I’d imagine that gets old real quick. A bunch of over-protective older brothers.”

“Overbearing, more like,” she scoffed. You laughed.

Unconsciously, you glanced over to the front of the bar, where you saw Dean still on the phone. You remembered the second date you were meant to have, when he was late due to a five-car pileup his team responded to.

You remembered that night he called you for the first time, after a long day he didn’t want to tell you about. He’d let you distract him instead. All the while, it had you wondering what he’d seen. What he’d responded to that day.

Had it been another car accident? A fire? What made someone as upbeat and funny and smooth as Dean seem to lose all the life in his voice?

Though while you were lost in your thoughts, Jo was watching you.

Jealousy roiled inside her, unbidden. She didn’t want to hate you, because unlike the girls Dean usually messed around with, you had some self-respect. Jo heard Meg’s snide clips at you earlier, and no one could fake the surprise in your eyes. Unless you were just that good a damn actor…

But no, she didn’t get that vibe from you.

It didn’t mean she had to like you though.

“You’re right to think twice,” Jo said, earning your attention back with a swivel of your head. “What Meg said…she wasn’t wrong. Dean’s broken a few hearts, if you catch my drift.”

Just a few well-placed words, Jo thought. She realized then that she had the power to twist the wrench here, widening the gap between you and Dean. Feed your doubts.

She didn’t have to feel bad about it if it was the truth.

And yet…she saw the way your gaze fell. The disappointment setting in, the anxious clench of your hands on the table. You glanced over at Dean again out of the corner of your eye.

Jo realized then just what she was doing, not just to Dean, but to herself.

You’re not some petty bitch, she dully reminded herself.

“But,” she found herself adding. You raised your gaze back to her. Jo let out a subtle breath.

“It’s not always his fault,” she admitted. And maybe she was speaking a bit too much from experience. “The job demands a lot from him.”

Slowly, you nodded. You looked pensive, but not like you’d made up your mind.

Fine, Jo thought, as she collected the dishes and left your table.

She didn’t know if she wanted to sway you one way or the other on taking a chance on Dean Winchester.

While you were talking to Jo, Dean was taking his father’s unexpected call.

“Hey, Dad. What’s up?” he said.

“Hey, son. How are ya?” John’s voice was gruff and tired. Dean frowned to hear it.

“I’m good. I’m out right now, but did you need something?”

“Have you responded to any fires lately?”

“You mean like the Richardson fire?” Dean asked pointedly. “No, haven’t had one since. And no cattle prod brandings either.”

“All right, good. Just checking in.”

Good? Dean thought. John would be chomping at the bit for a new arson. If he was “just checking in,” then he was worried about something. Is he worried about me?

“What’s going on? Is there something I need to know?” Dean asked in suspicion. This was why he had taken the call. “Seriously, you can tell me. I’m not even gonna bitch at you like Sam does.”

John chuckled. But then he hesitated. Dean knew he’d hit on something.

“Dad?” he pressed.

John’s sigh was a heavy one. “Okay. What I’m about to tell you, you don’t fucking repeat. Not to anyone, you understand me? Not even your brother.”

Dean’s brows furrowed in trepidation. “Okay, fine. What the hell is it?”

“Richardson, the father of two?” John reminded. “He was a lawyer, linked to a money laundering scheme through a company called Stull Storage. It’s an old company, dates back to the seventies.”

“Okay…”

As John continued to explain, the more confused Dean became…

About 30 years ago, John Winchester had been a young, but promising officer in the Narcotics division. He’d married young, and by then was just barely clearing the five-year mark. Already he had the house he’d inherited from his wife’s parents, a four-year-old son, and a newborn.

Stull Storage’s units were used by a drug ring that John had been trying to infiltrate, undercover. Those units had stored cocaine, illegal weapons, and other flavors of contraband, mostly from South America (and back).

“We got close to breaking that case, once, but after the fire…I transferred out of Narcotics, as you know,” John said.

Dean knew the real story there. After his mom died, his father went into a spiral, trying to find whoever set that fire—even after the Fire Department found no evidence of arson. John had eventually been forced out of Narcotics. He requested Homicide.

As he’d told Dean once when he was extremely drunk: I seem to do better at my job when the bodies are already dead.

“Now I know that I was right about your mother’s death,” John said.

Dean released a shaky sigh. “Aw, man. Not this again, Dad. For Christ’s sake.”

“There was something wrong about that fire, Dean,” he said, raising his voice to be heard over Dean’s objections. “I just didn’t find the connection…until now.”

Dean muttered a curse under his breath. His gaze fell to the ground. Sam was usually the one who drew a hard line at hearing any more about their mom’s supposed murder, but now Dean had reached the end of his tether. It was too much.

He glanced back through the glass doors to make sure you were okay. He saw you talking to Jo, and he frowned at himself.

Here you were, waiting on him back in the bar, and his dad was calling him in the middle of the night, chasing ghosts again.

“Look…it’s been my whole damn life with this.” Dean held the phone to his ear with one hand, and rubbed at his forehead with the other. “I just can’t do this with you anymore.”

“Dean, listen,” John urged. “You wanna know what I’m digging into, this is it. I got Mary’s file unsealed.”

Dean’s eyes widened. “What? Thought you couldn’t do that without new evidence and a court order.”

“Well, I’ve got the evidence…maybe I was a bit impatient with the court order.”

Dean rolled his eyes. His father liked to play a little fast and loose with the rules.

“At the time, the medical examiner dismissed it. She’d been burned…” John paused on a deeper breath. “But I saw it. Mary had a burn on her wrist. It was the same brand found on Richardson. On Jerry Stillwell, CPA. Amanda Waller, journalist. It’s all connected, Dean. How they’re connected to one another, I’m not sure yet. We’re still digging…but I do know this. Richardson was a message.”

Dean’s back hit the wall of the Roadhouse. His brows furrowed as he struggled to digest everything John was saying.

“A message?” he asked. “To who?”

“To me, I think. Those kids, and their mother…you got ‘em out alive, but they weren’t meant to,” John said, his voice sounding heavy. "The wife told me her husband was erratic when he got home, holding his wrist. He'd been burned before the fire. He wouldn't say what happened...then they smelled the goddamn smoke."

"Shit," Dean replied. He leaned heavily against the wall, pressing a hand to his forehead. There was an ache starting between his eyes.

“Yeah," John agreed. "The drug ring I was investigating, when I was in Narcotics. I was getting close. And I mean close. I was about to get the Big Kahuna. The kingpin of the whole operation…and then the house fire.”

Fuck. Dean wiped at his mouth anxiously as he realized what John was saying. Fuck.

“He burned me, Dean. He must have,” John said. Meaning, the drug lord he was trying to pin down somehow discovered his identity. “Your mom paid the price of that.”

“Who is this guy?” Dean asked. His hand holding the phone was starting to tremble.

“I still don’t know his real name. Workin’ on that one too,” John said. “But they called him Azazel.”

When Dean eventually hung up with his father and returned to you at the bar, he saw you brighten. But you soon dimmed with a tinge of worry. Something of his thoughts must’ve shown on his face.

Shit. He tried his best to school his features.

“Hey, sorry about that,” he said, grasping your shoulder. “I’ll take you home.”

“I met you here, remember?” you asked.

Dean paused, then shook his head. Get it together, asshole.

“Right," he said. "Well, I’ll walk you to your car. Let me just pay real quick.”

After he sorted out the bill (he didn’t know that you’d slipped in an extra $30 in Cas’s stack for your part), he led you out, saying goodbye to Ellen and Jo while you went.

You hesitated when the two of you got to the car. Something wasn’t right with him. And both Jo and Meg’s words still rolled back and forth through your head.

“Dean, are you okay? Who was it on the phone?” you asked.

“I’m fine. It was just my dad, called to have me take a look at his car. We were just arguing about our schedules…I’m sure you can relate,” he replied, trying at a smile.

You weren’t sure if you believed him. Though he was nearly convincing, he was also shifting on his feet, hands in his pockets. His gaze roamed away from yours, above your head and over your shoulder.

“Um, I might’ve had a beer too many,” you said with a half-chuckle. “Could you walk with me for a bit? Just until my head clears enough to drive.”

“I could take you home,” Dean offered.

“And leave my car here?” you asked. In a public parking lot behind a bar?

You shook your head and pointed down the road.

“Just there and back…but if you need to go, I guess I could just sit in my car for a while.”

Dean shook his head with a frown. He couldn’t tell you that a damn serial killer was on the loose.

“No, it’s okay,” he said. “It’s a relatively safe neighborhood, but not so much at night. Not by yourself.”

He laid a hand on your back to start walking with you, but his hand soon fell back to his side. You glanced at him, but he looked straight ahead, unusually quiet and reserved.

It felt like he was checking out of this night with you. Like he just wanted to usher you into the car and leave. Did he just not want to deal with what Meg said?

Letting out a breath, you tried to see if you could broach the subject.

“It was nice to meet some more of your friends,” you said, and with a nervous laugh, “even if it did get awkward there at the end.”

Dean finally looked over at you.

“We never exactly talked about what each of us was looking for,” you said. “What we were really doing here.”

You stood your ground, but you tried not to look censuring. Just open to whatever he might have to say. Even so, unease churned inside you.

Dean sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “Look, she wasn’t exactly wrong about me.”

You considered that with a nod, biting the inside of your lip.

“When was the last time you were in a relationship?” you asked. Dean gave a humorless huff of a laugh. This really was the last thing he wanted to get into tonight, but he had a feeling he had no choice.

“A few months ago, for about a minute,” he said. “But uh, before then…never.”

Together, you began to cross the street while the cars on either side waited at the red light. Pedestrians had the right of way for the next 30 seconds. You looked over at him and steeled yourself.

“Dean, is this is something casual for you?”

“Define casual,” he attempted to joke (or to deflect). Though the bravado fell the moment he saw that look on your face: tight and disappointed…and hurt.

He reached for your hand, but you weren’t having it. You slipped away from him and continued walking at a more brusque clip, even in those platform heels.

“Okay, hold on.” He quickly followed after you and tugged you back by the hand. It had you both stopping in the middle of the crosswalk.

Dean squeezed your hand and peered into your eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry. Don’t close up on me,” he implored. “…Please.”

Despite your better judgment, and your pursed lips, you waited. Something told you this man didn’t often say please.

“The truth is, I’m trying to do something different here with you. I don’t think we would’ve made it to date #4 if we were just casual,” he said. “I’m not playing games either.”

You wanted to trust that he was serious. Once again, your mind and your heart were at odds; the former told you to be wary, while the latter told you to trust the earnestness in his eyes.

Your heart won. “Okay, Dean.”

“Yeah?” he asked, with hopeful brows raised.

“Yeah,” you nodded.

You finally smiled. And you leaned up, resting a hand against his chest, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His stubble was coarse, but familiar against your lips.

Dean turned his head and leaned in for a proper kiss. His hands found the curve of your waist and brought you closer against his chest. You both sunk deeper into it, your lips gliding as your head tilted into the kiss…

Until a horn honked loudly, making you both jolt at the sound.

The streetlight was green, and several cars were waiting for you to cross. You snorted in amusement, leading Dean to grin down at you. He tugged you back into step with him across the street.

Again, you hesitated at your car. Dean was more himself as he’d held your hand all the way back.

He now held your car door open while you threw in your purse. But when you turned back to him, you still saw something brooding behind his eyes.

You drew near and grasped the open edges of his shirt. This man wore a lot of plaid when he was out of uniform, always with an undershirt. Tonight it was green plaid on gray, complete with some faded jeans and a pair of boots. This was the only “casual” way in which you wanted Dean.

“Hey,” you started.

“Hmm?” he replied, holding you by your arms.

“I get that we haven’t known each other all that long. So you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” you said. “But did something happen when you stepped out? When you talked to your dad?”

Dean paused. His eyes, a pale green under the streetlamp, flicked to yours.

“I just want to know that you’re okay,” you said. “And if you’re not, that’s okay too.”

After a moment to blink in surprise, your earnestness got to him. His grip moved down your arms, and he took one of your hands. His dad’s warning echoed through his mind.

What I’m about to tell you, you don’t fucking repeat. Not to anyone, you understand me? Not even your brother.

Dean knew his dad didn’t make demands without a reason, even if he wasn’t typically so forthcoming with them. But Dean drew enough courage to be as honest as he could be. You deserved that much, after everything you'd put up with tonight.

“My mom died...when I was about four,” he said. “It was a house fire.”

Your eyes widened. All this time, you’d assumed his mother had passed away. You hadn’t expected that, though. You squeezed his hands.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, and you meant it. Dean just shook his head.

“It was ruled an accident. Really they just didn’t have much evidence either way,” he continued. “But uh, my dad’s been obsessed with the idea that it wasn’t. That someone started the fire on purpose… Well, today, he might’ve found his proof.”

He held your gaze for as long as he could, but in the end, he just couldn’t. His chest was tight. Saying those words out loud made them real, and he wasn’t sure of how to handle it.

“Oh, Dean,” you said, starting and stopping, as you struggled to formulate a response that wasn’t just “I’m sorry,” or “Are you okay?”

He clearly wasn’t. You also didn’t want to give him platitudes like, “That’s crazy,” or the ever-inspired: “Wow.”

Or some other variation of what you’re supposed to say. You wanted to give him something honest. Something real.

So you curled your hands around his arms, earning his gaze.

“You must be reeling right now,” you said. “Do you think he’s onto something this time?”

“I don’t know what to think,” said Dean. “I’ve been pressing him for answers, but…honestly? I wish he hadn’t told me a damn thing.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were surprised that he actually confided in you with this. But the only thing you could think to do was lean up on your toes and slip your arms around his neck. You hugged him, warm and tight.

You couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling, but you just wanted him to know that someone was there for him. You were there for him.

Dean eventually hugged you back. He held you, reassuring you as well as himself. He blew out a cathartic breath, and his hand came up to cup the back of your head. His lips tugged upwards.

“You’re a sweetheart, you know that?” he said.

A smile spread across your face. Your fingers soothed through his hair gently. You pressed your lips into his neck.

“I aim to please,” you said against his skin.

Dean smiled more fully at that. The new warmth in his chest warred against the roiling in his stomach. Despite his best efforts, his smile faded.

His mom’s killer was still out there.

The thought was haunting his mind, and he knew it probably would for many nights to come.

So for now, he’d just hold you a bit tighter.

AN: 🥲 I honestly didn't mean it to end so angsty, but Dean finally got some much-needed hurt/comfort there! What did you think of how Jo handled her jealous side? And Gordon "shooting his shot" lol.

Coming soon in Part 7, we finally get to a huge milestone between these two lovebirds, with a side helping of baking shenanigans. 😏❤️‍🔥

Next Time:

“Ey, ey!” he raised a warning finger with his free hand. “You’re about to take this to a new level.”

You met his gaze through your lashes with a playful smile. “So?”

Dean raised a brow at you. He could admit, you had audacity. All he could do was call your bluff.

He took one of your battered fingers into his mouth. Your eyes widened at the feel of his soft tongue swirling around your finger, sucking it clean. All the while, his eyes never broke from yours.

Lord have mercy, you thought. Really, it was the only coherent one in your head.

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shinjaeha · 3 years ago

Text

bad buddy ep 5 (thoughts)

i was just gonna keep all my feelings inside of me (like pran) but i caved bc i’ve been rewatching ep 5 for DAYS and i know everyone and their mother has already talked about it and analysed it to pieces so this is just me being self-indulgent bc i just want to ramble (write?) about the things that i loved so much about this ep for my own wellbeing...and bc i can’t stop thinking about this show ;;; i prob should have done this earlier considering we’re like less than 24 hours away from ep 6 but oh well.

i’ve seen some people question how pran seemed totally fine in the morning after ep 4, but it makes total sense to me. i don’t think there was ever really a moment where pran thought pat could like him back in the same way...maybe there was some inkling of hope, but i don’t think he ever really believed it. in their high school flashback, pran mentions that pat’s always ended up with whoever he likes, so we know that pran’s seen pat with other love interests in high school (and we know how pran’s had feelings for pat since high school too). so pat liking ink, although heartbreaking for pran, isn’t really that much a of a surprise for him? he prob feels like it’s inevitable. he’s been dealing with these feelings for YEARS at this point, so it’s become easy enough to just bury what he feels and pretend like everything’s normal. he’s done it all this time already so it’s nothing new. he resigned himself to pat never liking him back a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean that pat still can’t get to him bc in the breakfast scene you can literally see this poor boy struggle so hard to be mad at pat and fail bc he’s just too soft for him. even when he’s being annoying, pat’s too cute. pran builds up all these defences, but pat always has this way of slipping through the cracks in his walls bc he’s in love with him and he just can’t help it no matter how hard he tries (or pretends) to be annoyed/mad at pat.

pran’s sketchbook full of drawings relating to pat is ADORABLE.

pat and paa’s relationship is the cutest!! they really feel like siblings, and i love all their scenes together.

i know the paa’s love guru checklist isn’t anything new for a romance drama, but i absolutely love the way they executed it in this. from the embarrassment of pat getting absolutely NO response that ink likes him in any way whatsoever (like, she very clearly showed much more interest in paa...so inkpaa when??), to meeting pran at the music shop and then it registering for him that he can tick off every single thing paa’s told him when it comes to pran (you see the way he almost involuntarily started smiling when he was watching pran with that guitar????? he’s got it bad). they killed two birds with one stone with this trope. we now know ink is not interested in him at all, but HE’s starting to realise that his feelings for pran aren’t just platonic. it was very heart fluttery rom com type stuff and i loved it.

also, pat might be confused, but it’s telling that he immediately ditched ink and paa to go pick up his drumsticks on their ‘date’. you think he would have ditched pran like that?? there’s no way whatsoever 😂 not when all pat ever does is think up ways he can spend more time with pran.

it’s actually so cute to me how, once pat’s realised that he might actually have feelings for pran, he constantly tries to confirm whether it’s really true or not. he might be kind of dense when it comes to his love life, but he’s not afraid to feel what he feels. he’s not afraid to explore (or better understand) his feelings as soon as realises he might have them. he’s just such a straightforward, sincere character.

compare what pat said in ep 1 about how pran’s mum would blame him for pran getting into a fight with how pran talks about how much his mum loves wai though :((( he knows he’ll never win against wai when it comes to pran’s parents but pat just wants to feel special to pran in some way. which is why he asks whether wai’s slept over before...and he can’t even have that. it’s also why the song they wrote together is such a big deal to him later on.

god, i adore their high school flashback scenes SO MUCH. there’s such a sense of innocence there...they’re just these two kids that want to be around each other, that want to be FRIENDS, but they can’t bc of their families. like this will obviously take on a whole new meaning later on, but for now it’s just sad bc it’s such a pure, simple wish for the both of them that that can’t have. yet, they’re still drawn to each other. and it’s cute how it’s always music that’s bringing them together. back then when they were in the school band, and again in the present to compete in the freshy day concert (and when pat gave pran back his guitar). it’s music, specifically their song, that ties them together.

i’m also in love with the way that we keep getting these little glimpses of the past with the flashbacks. like each new ep, we get another puzzle piece to put into place as we slowly piece together what happened back then. why pran ended up having to transfer (bc i think we all know that it’s more than just pat and pran being in the same band together), and just how close they really were.

i also love how perceptive paa is when it comes to her brother. it’s so sweet.

the concert performance where pran plays their song and pat starts realising that all his past memories hold a much deeper meaning to him than he originally thought is just a+++ i love the way he starts out remembering all these happy, fond memories (them writing the song together, them playing together in their music room), but as SOON as pran turns to wai and they start smiling and playing their instruments at each other, he remembers that pran used to look at HIM that way (the flashback where you see pran looking down at pat and smiling at him from pat’s pov where he’s playing the drums DEVASTATED me), and his memories take a darker turn (pran’s parents arriving and pran leaving the stage so they can’t even finish their song together, the last time they saw each other before pran got transferred). of course it’s jealousy, but it runs so much deeper than that.

ink is the BEST. the female characters on this show are absolutely wonderful. from the teaser, i had always assumed that pat would ‘confess’ to her earlier in the ep, but i kind of love that he did it here bc it shows that he didn’t just move on/rebound with pran after being rejected. he’s been harbouring these feelings for pran for so long without realising, but now it’s all hitting him like a ton of bricks and he’s just so confused. esp when all this time he thought it was INK that he had feelings for (and maybe he even kind of did in high school, but that’s clearly not the case anymore). i love that ink just gets it. understands poor pat is going through it rn, needs to offload, and it’s not really her that he’s actually into. i also really love that pat apologises to her after she rejects him since he really could have played with her feelings too had she liked him back in that way. their friendship is just so wholesome :’)

one of my fave things about this ep is how it escalates. it starts of cute and light (esp after the angst of the ep 4 ending), but then gets progressively more angsty and tension heavy as pat slowly realises and comes to terms with his feelings. the last 16 mins of this ep are a work of ART. everything that’s happened in this ep was all for this confrontation and it gives me goosebumps just thinking about how amazingly executed everything is.

so let’s talk about the fight scene!! what gets me about this is that pat wasn’t even waiting for pran to fight him. he wouldn’t have bought the condensed milk for pran if he was there to fight. he literally just wanted to be with him. after losing the contest to the architecture faculty (to the song THEY wrote together), seeing pran and wai performing to completion all happy, having to back down from the previous fight at wai’s bar, getting drunk, and the steady realisation that he actually has feelings for pran...ALL HE WANTS is to spend time with pran. he’s even trying to sober himself up while he waits.

but then he checks his phone and sees the ig story and it’s another reminder of everything that he can’t have with pran. he can’t hang out with him like that in public like wai can, let alone post about it on ig for everyone to see. and i think this is where it really starts to hit pat just how unfair all of this really is. he’s bitterly jealous of wai, but that jealousy isn’t just bc he’s possessive, or thinks that pran is his in any way. it’s bc wai gets to have all these simple moments with pran. gets to go over to his house, have pran’s mum love him, sing their song together, hang out with him in public, post about their relationship on ig, etc.

so when he sees wai driving pran back home, it’s like the last straw for him. in his eyes, wai is encroaching on pat/pran’s territory (the dorms). the one place where pat and pran can be themselves without worrying about anybody else. where they don’t have to pretend that they hate each other. these feelings have been festering inside of him, and though it’s taken him much longer to realise his feelings than pran, pat can’t sit on them or hide them away the way that pran can. he’s ready to explode. so the only trigger he needs is pran putting up the act again in front of wai, pretending like there’s nothing between them. it’s the one thing that pat’s most insecure about. pat’s such a confident person in everything else that it must be kind of unsettling for him to feel inferior like this bc they have to keep their relationship a secret. he didn’t come to fight but bc wai’s there, pran expects them to play their roles, but pat’s no longer following the script. he’s so far gone, so angry and jealous, that he can’t hold it inside anymore.

the tension in this scene is fantastic. the first time i watched it, i was SO worried that pat was gonna do something stupid bc he seemed crazed (ohm is soooooo good in this scene wow), but i’m glad that it didn’t turn out the way i was thinking. despite how mad he is, pat’s generally on the defensive with pran. he literally put his hands up in front of him when pran grabs shirt (he really doesn’t want to fight/hurt pran), and he only punches wai when wai punches him first.

then when it’s all said and done, the tension melts away, and the reality of what happens hits in and it hurts. it hurts bc pat has never truly wanted to fight pran/make pran angry. when he takes out the condensed milk, it’s like another reminder of why he even waited for pran in the first place. the thing is, pat is constantly doing these nice gestures for pran all bc he just wants to see him (and care for him), but he always needs an excuse. he can’t just go over to pran’s place bc he WANTS to like any of pran’s other friends. it always has to be under the guise of something else (eg. bruise cream, makeup remover, earphones, medicine, lost keys, condensed milk, etc.). and the realisation of that, esp knowing now that he has romantic feelings for pran, stings.

it’s also why the song is as important to him as it is. it’s the one piece of the two of them that he could say was theirs. the one thing that they created together, all by themselves, untouched by their family rivalry. but pran sang it (uninterrupted this time) with wai. replaced him with wai, who already gets all the perks of being in pran’s life that pat can never have bc of every external force pulling them apart.

i love that he really tries to sober himself up after this. that he has the presence of mind to take a shower to clear his head and heart (and prob to smell nice for pran too 😭), and to figure out what to say to pran after what happened. pat thinks and acts with his heart, but he also knows when he needs to calm down and reevaluate himself. he doesn’t want this to end in a fight.

what can i even say about the infamous rooftop scene at this point that hasn’t already been said a millions times over?? i have watched this scene so many times that it’s a wonder it hasn’t been tattooed into the folds of my brain yet. it’s just so BEAUTIFUL.

when he brings up the song, we know it’s important and he means it, but when he says “i hate to see you play it with someone else”, he’s clearly talking about more than just the song. it’s a coded way of saying that he doesn’t like seeing pran with other people in the way that he can’t be with pran. but it’s like he’s still not daring to say what he really means out loud and pran knows it. pran sees it as another one of the jokes/misdirects that he’s so used to from pat, and he calls him out on it with the “pat, you’ve got to stop doing this to me, we’re not a thing, we’re not even friends” line.

not to mention, he thinks that pat’s still courting ink at this point. pat’s been so strange this whole ep, it must have been so confusing for pran since he had no idea about any of the inner turmoil pat’s been going through the past few days.

when pat starts with the “when you’re away, i was so damn happy” you can see the heartbreak in pran and it’s so painful. how he looks away when pat starts listing the reasons he was happy pran wasn’t there...but then he hits him with the “it was so depressingly lonely” and you see the look in pran’s eyes change as he looks back at pat, like he’s only now realising it wasn’t just him that was hurting this whole time (nanon is PHENOMENAL). honestly, this line holds so much more meaning when you rewatch ep 1 again and see the expressions on their faces when they see each other again for the first time in years. i love when shows do this. when they introduce something later down the line that gives a significance to an interaction that didn’t hold as much meaning initially, or that you brushed past previously. i also love that the way he goes from “i was so damn happy” to “i was depressingly lonely” is the opposite of pat’s usual jokes/misdirects. instead of taking the hope away from pran at the end, he gives it back to him this time.

i think it’s safe to say that he’s always been in love/had feelings for pran, but never really given himself the chance to think about those feelings deeply until he started seeing all his past interactions with pran under a different lens. but they’ve likely always been there, which is why it hits him so hard JUST how much pran means to him, and just how lonely and devoid of pran he’s been over the years they weren’t together.

ALSO, if you think about it, it’s really their parents fault that they became so obsessed with each other in the first place?? imagine constantly having to compete and keep up to date with the boy next door. you’d have to know just about everything about him. they were essentially brainwashed by their parents to hate each other, but bc they’re decent human beings who grew up and realised that there was no substance behind that hatred (esp after pran saved paa), they started to get to know each other better. they just got caught in the crossfire of their parents’ war with one another. it breaks my heart that their parents have given them so much trauma that they’re so afraid (esp pran) that someone will find out about their relationship.

when i watched this the first time, i thought pran was the first to cry...but on closer inspection it was actually pat and that makes me feel some kind of way :(

“why, do you want us to be friends?” “no”. i will NEVER be over this. ever ever ever.

the hesitancy before the kiss ties back to their whole conversation in that high school flashback about the nervousness and insecurity of not knowing whether it’ll turn out good or bad and it adds so much more depth to this already stunning scene. the hesitation shows that they KNOW what this means. they’re crossing this invisible line that they’ve been toeing all this time, and they can’t take it back once it’s done. pat can’t joke/flirt like it doesn’t mean anything after this. pran might try to hide his feelings away, but he can’t deny that he ever gave in (pat won’t ever let him). once it’s done, it’s done. but nothing can stop the full force of their feelings at this point, even if they know it’s impossible. pran can’t push this feeling down anymore bc it’s too overwhelming. he’s wanted this for so long. like in ep 4 where he lets himself have this one moment of vulnerability (to cry), he pulls pat back into the kiss...just this one moment where he can give in to his feelings properly before everything comes crashing down to earth. but pran kissing pat back immediately also shows pat just how much pran wants it too even if he won’t say it out loud.

i love that their kiss suits their dynamic perfectly. it’s always this give and take between them. pat acts first (as he always does)...and his intention is slightly different bc he’s testing the waters, confirming that his feelings for pran are really what he thinks they are. pran already knows how he feels so he takes action bc he’s never been a passive participant in their relationship either. it’s genuinely one of the reasons that i love the both of them so much. everything is on an equal footing with them. it’s my fave kind of relationship dynamic.

the rock score they used for this scene is also so perfect bc the drums and guitar playing represents the both of them coming together, and it echoes back to how music is always the thing that brings them back together again in some way.

notice how after pat kisses pran (before pran pulls him back again), his eyes are still closed, but pran opens his first. it’s like it symbolises that he’s the one that’s more aware of the reality of their situation.

they’re just at such different stages at this point. pat has JUST woken up to his feelings, so the kiss is everything clicking into place for him. him realising that THIS is how it’s supposed to feel...and that his feelings are reciprocated!! pran, on the other hand, has known how he’s felt about pat for so long now that he’s had all the time in the world to think about the consequences of what would happen if they were hypothetically in a relationship (since i don’t think he ever truly believed they would ever be in one until this moment). esp since pran was the one that was hurt the most from those consequences when he was transferred in high school.

it’s the heartbreak of pran finally having what his heart wants, but knowing realistically that it’s not enough. he’d likely made peace with pat never feeling anything back for him years ago only for this to happen. but it’s so much worse when you’ve gotten a taste of something that you can’t have bc now you know what it’s like. to someone like pran, who cares so much about the people around him (always trying to please his family and friends), unrequited love is better than reciprocated love. if it’s unrequited, he’s the only one that’s suffering. but if the both of them have feelings for each other, if they’re both in love, then the future is only going to bring them both misery. pran’s been though this once before, and he can’t go through it again. he esp doesn’t want PAT to have to go through it too. so he walks away, pushing the feelings down again bc he can’t let anyone else find out.

pat and pran are the perfect example of an ‘opposites attract’ relationship done well. pran is a perpetual worrier. he’s constantly thinking about the future. constantly assessing the pros and cons of a situation. which is also why it’s not exactly surprising that he realised his feelings for pat so early on. he’s the type of person that thinks about all types of possibilities and outcomes (i’m sure he catastrophizes a lot too) in any given situation. and he’s introspective. but he hides that all inside himself. pat, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. he goes with the flow. lives in the moment. is extremely easygoing. he only thinks about problems when they happen, and doesn’t dwell in ‘what ifs’. i think a great example of their different mindsets is in ep 3 when they find out that their sponsorship will only cover half of the budget for the bus stop. pran’s immediately worried about how they’re gonna get the rest of the funding, whilst pat cracks jokes and is all “don’t worry, you’ll figure something out soon” to him. it’s why their expressions in the kiss scene esp make so much sense. pat, living in the present, sees the potential of the two of them. pran, living in the future, sees the end of them bc of all the external factors he knows will keep them apart.

anyway, my chest is still aching about it now and it’s almost been a whole week since this ep. but the first time i watched it, i absolutely bawled my eyes out like a BABY as soon as the ep was over. no kiss scene has ever gotten to me like that but this was so exquisitely crafted...and the build up was so exceptional, it was always gonna make me cry. and the ACTING...don’t even get me started on the acting bc i could rave about their performances for days ;;;

nanon’s so expressive. he breathes so much life into pran as a character. i love every little quirk of his, and i just love how he acts with such clarity. pran’s intentions and feelings are always so clear. it never feels like acting.

and ohm!! my fave thing about ohm is his line delivery. he has this way of making his voice softer with certain lines, or his voice waver, and it gives the lines he emphasises such impact (like ”come here” or “i was depressingly lonely” or “no”).

it still kind of blows my mind sometimes that we really got these two award winning actors, with insanely good chemistry to act in a bl helmed by p’aof. and the fact that it’s been so incredible so far?? we’ve been blessed.

i’m so excited for ep 6, although i know that we have more angst to come (but hopefully at least a bit more fluff in the next few eps or so with the bet coming into play)!! of course they’d make a bet like that. all they know is how to compete with one another, so it seems very much in character for the two of them to play this game (and fail lbr). it’s wild to me that so much has already happened and we’re still only 5 eps in...

#bad buddy #i didn't plan on this being so long??#i'm not really intending to do recaps the way that i did with itsay/ipytm but i just had so much building up inside of me to say about ep 5 #so i'm treating this as my form of therapy...like a diary entry of sorts bc i kept writing notes on my phone about this ep #i needed an outlet #anyway i'm gonna sleep now and not think about how we still have so many hours to go before ep 6 i just want it now ;;;#text #finally getting off this rooftop and going to the beach i guess??

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